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#legitimately SO ill over it
imminent-danger-came · 10 months
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Hi there! Anon sent reeling by S1E6 again! And I would just like to say that your response to my ask made me So Normal. Especially you bringing up S2E6, which is why I’m currently setting up a lawn chair here on the brink of insanity, because apparently I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. 
Because yes, you’re completely right about S2E6 demonstrating this cycle of pushing others away while pushing themselves towards greatness and accidentally leaving pain in their wake that MK and SWK have managed to stick themselves in, but ALSO now I can’t stop thinking about how we get Shadow Play IMMEDIATELY afterwards. 
Like… how much do you think Macaque had seen? Obviously he could see MK getting too caught up in his own head (*cough* and trauma *cough*) and shutting out his friends, but… how much had he seen seen, you know?
And now I also can’t stop thinking about how immediately after Shadow Play, we get To Catch a Leaf. Which is obviously an incredible episode in its own right, but it’s also the first episode since Minor Scale where MK is surrounded by his friends and he lets them help him. Because in S2E6, Mei and Sandy are with him, but he’s not really with them. He’s focused on getting stronger, to the point where he ignores them telling him exactly how to do so. And in the beginning of Shadow Play, we learn that he’s been further isolating himself off screen and blowing off activities with them so that he could focus on ‘[being] ready’. 
But then To Catch a Leaf happens. And it starts off with MK surrounded by the others, having recently done something fun (curses aside) with Mei, and it’s not a big deal. He’s not stressing about getting stronger or being ready, he’s just… there with them. Present and in the moment, at least as much as he can be, and it’s fine. He’s fine, and more importantly he seems to be letting them in and being a bit more open with them. 
And this carries on into 72 Transformations! Because obviously he still hasn’t told them The Thing, but he does go from ignoring/avoiding them while trying to get more powerful to calling them all up so that he can involve them. Figure at least some things out, together. And it drives me insane because he was getting better! He may very well have worked his way up to telling the others about LBD! But then she came a-knocking with more trauma, and it blasts him two steps back and it’s just… AHHH! He was SO CLOSE!!!
Also, side note: Do you think MK believes he has a body count? And I don’t even mean the nebulous potential casualties from all the recent disasters that MK blames himself for, I’m talking about Spider Queen specifically. Because MK isn’t an idiot. If he didn’t know she was dead (or whatever getting sucked into the furnace counts as) immediately after the sewers, he would have put two and two together after Destiny Fulfilled. And considering this is the guy who blames himself for DBK getting out despite knowing that SWK was right next to him in bird form the entire time, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that he probably thinks it’s his fault. So… do you think it’s possible he sees himself as a murderer? Or, like, murderer adjacent? And if he does, how much more layered and messed up do you think that’d make the potential ‘Wukong reveals he killed Macaque’ moment?
Sorry for the long ask, the monkey show has changed me for better and worse. I will never be the same. *reclines on my lawn chair, gazing out over the precipice of madness with a thousand yard stare*
One: never apologize for a long ask, especially when it has so much good stuff in it! Two: I KNOW RIGHT. The monkey show really does change you for the better or for the worst. I'm still reeling from s4 and it's been 4 months, and then the s4 special came in and permanently altered my brain chemistry once again. I have a house next to this abyss.
ANYWAYS.
The back and forth of MK's character is one of my favorite things about lmk (of which I have many)! He takes 2 steps forward and then 4 steps back, and I think that's a testament to what getting better can look like—it's not linear. Sometimes, it's not even moving forward, and that's hard.
I think a great example of this "2 steps forward and then 4 steps back" phenomenon is MK's growth in Revenge of the Spider Queen:
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MK starts believing in himself, smiling at that face in the mirror. It's not a strong belief, not yet, but it's a start. You can even see him making this attempt to improve in 2x01:
(this got a little long so everything else under the cut!)
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MK: "Ah! Ugh, come on MK you can do this! Self-confidence! That's Monkey King 101!"
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"Wait! I am worthy! Definitely worthy!" I'm Monkie Kid! Basically the new Monkey King—might have heard of me? You know, the next chapter? I'm totally worthy!"
(2x01 Sleep Bug)
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MK's even trying to mimic Monkey King here, the person he thinks he should be:
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But then, as you've mentioned, LBD and 2x05 comes along.
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And it's funny, because now we know MK did become more like Monkey King, just like he wanted, but it's in all the wrong ways.
((Kind of a side note: We also know that Monkey King couldn't have "picked the wrong successor", because there honestly wasn't another option for a successor to begin with. MK grappling with like, 3 levels of Wukong lies is what makes s2 so delicious to watch))
And then we have 2x06, and THEN 2x07, and I'm sure that's exactly why Macaque stepped in! He saw MK going down the same path Wukong did. The drive to become stronger, pushing his friends away—Macaque in Shadow Play knows exactly what he's talking about:
Macaque: "Well, with ol' Monkey King not around I thought someone should teach you a lesson! Ah MK, you really are dense, aren’t you. Haha, you saw a story about a hero who got handed everything, who didn’t have to work for anything, and you thought you were the other guy? The second the hero got real power, he couldn’t care less about his friends. That’s you bud." (2x07 Shadow Play)
("Everything I did was for us!" "You did it for yourself!" *head in my hands .png*)
Wukong leaves. That's what he does, and that's what he did to MK in both Revenge of the Spider Queen (leaving MK to fight Spider Queen and her mech alone) and 2x01.
And honestly, MK in s2 is simply doing his best to pick up the pieces, to be Monkie Kid alone, without SWK or even his friends. But it doesn't really work—hiding LBD's return from his friends didn't save them in 2x10, and it didn't stop the Lady Bone Demon, just like Wukong hiding LBD's return from MK didn't protect MK from any of it.
This pattern, of walking in Wukong's footsteps and making the same mistakes, keeps repeating itself.
MK's 2x08 parallel to Wukong in 3x10 is another good example of that.
MK's terrifying of hurting the people he cares about, so he leaves. He runs off, and this only hurts his friends further. ("Can't you see you're hurting the people who care about you the most?" and "I can’t risk hurting the people I care about—the one’s I have left.".)
And so, tying this all back to the s4 special, we're starting to see MK take 2 steps forward again:
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MK: "You ever wish things will just stay like this, like they are right now?" Sun Wukong: "Pssshhkk, where's the fun in that?" Tang: "Uh um, Monkey King, we need to have a serious conversation about your idea of fun."
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Mei: "At least we fixed something for a change, instead of destroying it!" MK: "Yeah! So long as we leave the world in better shape than we found it, then it's all good right?"
(4x14 Better Than We Found It)
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And I'm waiting for the eventual 4 steps back.
Because well..."At least we fixed something for a change, instead of destroying it"...it's not that they didn't fix anything, but plenty was broken:
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Flower fruit mountain was destroyed. Azure died. Whoever orchestrated all of this is still out there.
So, MK's current answer to "doing what you think is right" leading "to pain" might just not hold up. Because well, MK can try, that's for sure, but all that effort might still not make it a net positive, you know?
I think MK will blame himself for Azure's death, for SURE tough. He might have residual guilt about Spider Queen and everyone else harmed along the way, but Azure is the one I'm certain on. MK feeling like he's a "murder adjacent" and that compounding with the "Wukong Murdered Macaque" reveal and being "just like Wukong"...OH BABY. IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER.
Like,
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MK: "I just- I just want to be me. To be MK!" Curse MK: "Yeah well...we all know exactly where that leads." LBD Voice Over: "To pain."
(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)
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Identity and destiny are very much intertwined in this show, and MK doing what he thinks is right and being himself leads to pain. That's exactly what happened to Azure—he took the Jade Emperor's throne to try and make the world a better place, but all he managed to do was barely fix what he himself had broken.
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MK: "Yeah well...I'm kinda always the one getting the world in trouble to begin with so..."
(4x01 Familiar Tales)
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All it's going to take is one antagonist speech towards MK that hits a little too close to home, and everything else is going to come crashing down.
I am very much getting geared up for my s5 lego tragedy, thank you very much!
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frnkiebby · 3 months
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his stupid pretty smile~🎃
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toxic-clockwork · 11 months
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I dont think ill every be able to put to words what the spies mean to me and will forever mean to me. I found so much of myself because of you all and the friendships and relationships i have made along that way. Agents, I am forever in your debt because of the person I’ve become and the better person I am today.
Spies win, no redactions, to hiding it anymore. The spies have won and it’s thanks to you all.
You are loved and the world loves you.
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My unbelievable levels of mental illness about the Ascians and Emet-Selch in particular vs my unceasing need to spread the brainworms to my friends and therefore not spoil Emet-Selch's completely unhinged nature
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semiotomatics · 4 months
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hahahaha i fucking hate my insurance company and i want them to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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skenpiel · 9 months
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IM SO HAPPY TO BE BETTER!!!!!!! i had a full meal for the first time in days with faucking. fries and hot dogs and mash potato. i literally feel like i could weep with joy rn
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charonte-simi · 2 months
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Contacting the landlord to request that I be allowed to get a cat when I've already been harboring one for a couple months feels bad. Gonna be out the deposit plus an extra $20 a month, but I had a scare where she had to come into the apartment and I had to throw Kitty into her kennel, throw a blanket over her, and fucking pray and that was a level of stress I can't tolerate 😵😵
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quil12 · 11 months
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Officially hit 10k words on the rough draft of this chapter
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I've made a mistake only splitting it up into two chapters, I think cause I'm only like halfway done
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bogos-bint3d · 4 months
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Oooooooo you wanna find me great incredible Undyne centric content that I haven't seen before and will be consumed by ooooooooooo
#i say this because you genuinely cannot understand just how insane over her i am that i have legitimately seen almost all the interesting-#-content about her#i am not fucking kidding#if its on like the first 3 pages of anywhere ive searched for her ever. i have seen it. tumblr youtube ao3 google i HAVE SEEN!!!!!!!#ok well not as much with ao3. simply because im always searching for something specific on there. so like. there probably will be some-#-really good things on there i havent seen yet#but still. i have very high standards if there is anything I don't like ill spontaneously combust#and im legitimately like 94% i know literally every single thing about her mentioned in the game. so you wont be able to surprise me with-#-anything there either. but also you never really know so#i mean yeah just feel free to talk to me about her at any time. I wont be able to start the conversation. because like i just cant#but if you mention something interesting enough in the first sentence ill probably be able to keep the conversation going for a good while#sorry i probably sound really rude and snobbish rn cause im all like ''ugh i already know everything im so smart'“#''whatever show me will be beneath me'' BUT I SWEAR THAT IS NOT HOW IM TRYING TO COME OFF#IM REALLY REALLY SORRY I JUST GENUINELY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO GET ACROSS HOW I N E E D IT TO BE SOMETHING NEW AND SOMETHING THAT ILL REALLY-#REALLY WANT TO SEE#IM SO SO SORRY I HATE THAT I SOUND SO RUDE HERE I JUST. like guys i just really want to see something new‚ something thatll make me happy.#sigh#okokok.#all good guys#uhm. yeah. maybe if you find something maybe tell me but also idk because what if i already know about it then dont know what to say. i just#i j . i dont even know man#ok im done#undyne
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possiblytracker · 1 year
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normal now and got polls apparently time to be funnyTM abt my entire month of radio silence on main
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ufonaut · 1 year
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Doris Lee accepts an invitation to dine at the home of her fiance Ted Knight, wealthy playboy and imaginary invalid.
Ted Knight in Adventure Comics (1938) #63
(Gardner Fox, Jack Burnley)
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clementine-png · 1 year
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Our last flight is in less than 2 hours, since our old flight was cancelled due to weather. So close to seeing my bestie i am very excited
#clemmie talks#im very tired#we had complications with checking in. hopefully everything ended up fine#It was so stressful i was legitimately shaking. like i was so nervous i was just. shaking. And my tummys been hurtin#too nervous hard to function#BUT it should be over soon#I hate delta so much they messed up our flight and it took over 3 hours of bs to fix it#I get to spend the holidays with my favorite people :) so epic#granted we get there and the flight isnt still fucked up#If we cant get there and i miss christmas with my moirail im killing the hostages#Thats a joke. im not killing anyone. but i will fucking sob about it#Its been a long 4 days.... i hate traveling#I wouldve cried already but my friend who i am traveling with is very chill and confident about everything#Like he literally is just chilling. its nice having him around to be levelheaded while i shake in my boots literally#I also wouldve gotten lost a million times bc my sense of direction is ass. i just cant make mental maps in my head#this airport is fucking huge#tag rambling#Im excited but also still nervous. once we're on the plane ill be fine#anyways. dont fly delta. they suck.#Shoulda known there'd be issues with the cheapest flight possible smh#The delta help desk literally said they couldnt help us like 3 times. westjet (who they're partnered with) had to help us#like bitch. delta rebooked our flight wrong and they 'couldnt fix it' . suck my Dick#I think our last flight is westjet but its booked by delta or something#anywyas! i got fuit gummies and iced tea. i am content for now#must wait a little longer
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powm · 1 year
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experiencing realtime descent into mania i wrote an exam this evening and i have another in like 12 hours which ofc happens to be of the hardest course of the semester AND one for which i couldn't prepare beforehand literally want to kms so bad rn
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carrieway · 1 year
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in other news i bickered with ethan over whether or not im chronically ill . i think i lost .
#like YAH i have a lot of stomach issues that cause intense pain that leaves me unable to do anything more often than not and i make#bi-annual trips to the ER because of it and most of the time i have an undercurrent of pain that leaves me uncomfortable and unable to#really relax#and Sure i cant eat a majority of food without getting ill and doctors just look at me and ask if i want birth control#bc i pcos and that's all they focus on even though pcos is the least painful thing i have rn#But.#But !#it's not that bad n others like deal with legit things you know#idk. i have so many internalized issues NDDNDNND#bc i have pcos* i am Not pcos as a whole#IDK. its hard to admit to anything. i can barely legitimately admit im severely mentally ill#even though it is so very obvious NDNDNDN#i had ''disabled'' in my bio for a hot minute once a year or two ago n it quickly disappeared bc i just thought like. well everyone's gna#think im a liar !#n it's more of like....hm hm. less of a liar more of people think im selling myself short which is a bananas of an ableist statement#but these are things people have said to me ! like buddy i am not selling myself short i am telling you i will have a meltdown at a moments#notice over literally nothing#like. it's being realistic and honest but ive been made to feel otherwise and i hate lying so i get tense around this#bc of what ive been lead to believe#idk where this is going im just rambling my apologies NDDNND#i have so much to unlearn. i know it doesnt affect others how i think bc i make sure it never extends outward but...how i treat myself does#i think#treating myself poorly for things my friends or even ethan deals with can reflect onto them i think. so i do need to better that area#it is hard ! it is hard. but not impossible !#maybe i just need to write all my issues out on a piece of paper and pretend they're on someone else#so i can better see it all#blabs
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nexus-nebulae · 1 year
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really fucks me up how much i've been told that visibly showing symptoms of depression is inherently abusive
#cw abuse#cw suicide#cw self harm#currently we don't struggle with depression as much as we did in the past#we're at a point now where it wouldn't be a danger to us really at all#but i remember how much in high school i would refuse to tell people how i felt and what i wanted to do#because i was legitimately told repeatedly that telling someone else that you wanted to commit suicide was abusive#or that harming yourself was inherently abusive to those around you#not just in terms of things like 'if you don't do X i will harm myself' which can definitely be abuse#but just. overall. in general. for any reason.#which didn't make me want to STOP hurting myself. it did the fucking opposite#it made me isolate myself just to do that which in turn only fucked me up more#and it made me feel like i *should* get rid of myself because then that'd guarantee i wouldn't hurt people more#and even now i still feel like. crippling guilt over the fact that i ever even did those things in the first place#not to mention other headmates that don't hold body memories but still having similar exomemories also being fucked up by guilt#when literally we were not in full control of our thoughts or actions we were fucking mentally ill#our circumstances were horrible and people were hurting us simply because we expressed the fact that we were hurt in the first place#we were literally treated like telling someone 'hey i think i might harm myself can you help me to not do that' was abuse#and of course the shitty ex that i was with at the time decided to make it worse in her own fun ways too#so like everyone i asked for help just made it worse so i never ended up getting help until my mental health fully and absolutely collapsed#simply because. i was told. that my own mental illness hurt other people more than me#because their annoyance at me being sad was a higher priority than. you know. such overwhelming despair that i didnt want to live.
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autogeneity · 1 year
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man, can't believe I deadass (hah) had something like a cotard's delusion as a 13-14-year-old. out of the fucking blue one night. to this day I have no clue what prompted it. went on for like, months? idk at what point it went from "dead" to something more like "dreaming".
I've honestly had the wildest fucking life but 90% of the interesting shit was inside my head
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