#like i think sometimes when we collectively joke that a man cant possibly be a feminist or actually respect women | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mythiccheroacademia · 4 years

Note

Hey!! Could we please get more sugar daddy fics with a black reader ofc 😋 idk if you've done shoto already but that'd be nice or hawks and deku💕

A/N: “wrist on glitter, waist on thinner, imma show you how to bag a eight-figure nigga” 👅💋 I enjoyed this way too much

All characters are 18+

Warnings: it got a lil spicy so imma put the line

Todoroki Shouto:

this mf has money to burn

we all know todoroki came out the womb w cash from his hair to his ass

he’s on some “yes, jeff bezos knows me” type shit so if you’re tryna end up with someone that’s gonna possibly buy you a house, he’s your guy

he slid into your dms after you posted a pic with your skin moisturized and glistening under golden hour and your body had him wanting to run laps

he had been plottin on you for a min but never got the motivation to do something about it until then

he’s a no strings attached type of sugar daddy

todoroki is a big name even outside of hero work and he’s well aware of all the people that have tried to use him. so instead of letting that happen, he’s decided to do things on his own terms

when yall first started talking, he questioned you like this was managerial position at apple 💀

best believe he ran an in-depth background check and made you sign an NDA 💀💀💀

he was a tough one

but you passed w flying colors and y’all settled on an arrangement

you have a weekly allowance that hits your bank account every saturday with some bonuses that he’ll give you depending on how the week goes

todoroki isnt needy nor is he one to be all up in your business

it’s actually weird in an endearing kind of way?

he only wants to have conversations with you

i mean, dont get me wrong, he’s up for anything you are

todoroki would be a liar if he said he never ended some nights with a picture of you and a hand down his pants

but that’s not what he’s mainly looking for

you figure out very quickly that shouto just wants someone to talk to

he’ll randomly hit up your phone and have a 30 min convo about something like the weather or hero politics, and then he’ll dip

next thing you know, you got $1000 in your cashapp

you kind of panicked bc like...wtf?

your dumb ass messaged him: “did you mean to send $1000?”

sis, dont put a question mark where God put a period

him: “Yes.”

and that was the end of that

you dont question anymore

he’s not doting in any kind of way, and sometimes you lowkey think he forgets about you, but you still get your allowance

doesn’t send a lot of gifts unless you explicitly state you want something

he doesnt text back a lot, but he tried to respond when he can

but i do see him liking it when you send him mundane things you do throughout your day, like pics of cookies you baked, or a cool plant you saw at home depot

and he enjoys the times you and him end up just trashing his father for nearly an hour. expect to find flowers, with some expensive ass coats or something at your door the next morning

he really fucks w your laid back vibe

sometimes he forgets you guys arent really supposed to be friends

Takami Kiego (Hawks):

this is not hawks’ first time being a sugar daddy

he’s hot, rich, and one of the most eligible bachelor’s in japan with a life that prevents him from having anything too serious

so, long story short, he’s a veteran at this

he used to be the type to reach out to instagram baddies but he had a couple bad run-ins and decided to stick with the official sites because it was a lot more secure on both ends

the funny thing was, you set up your account a long time ago as a joke. though at one point, you did take it seriously, but you came in contact with a lot of super creepy men that sexualized you for your skin and ethnicity.

you were tired of the “chocolate king/queen” and “amazonian god/dess” comments,so you took a break. you didnt have much activity since

so imagine youre surprise when the #2 hero hit your line talking about some

“Hey~ I’ll get straight to the point. I think you’re beautiful and I’d like to talk with you about an arrangement”

you thought this was a fake account, but after he chatting for a little and sending some pictures, you knew he was the real deal

hawks is your standard tit-for-tat transaction sugar daddy

he’s the type to hit you up at night with a “how ya doing, dove? got any pics for me?”

he’s good about his respect ad won’t do anything out of line

it’s the bare minimum, be he doesnt fetishize you so that’s always nice

however, he does make you call him daddy, sir, etc. whether it’s through text, call, or when y’all get together for...reasons

ngl his dicc game is fire

he might ghost you for a week or so but he’ll always come back with a nice check to make up for it

just be careful about catching feelings bc he’s so fucking smooth. he makes you feel like you’ve got his heart, but dont fall for that shit

if you think you can “change him” or fuflfil whatever wattpad romance fantasy lives in your head, he is not your guy. you better get on w your life before you get your heart broken

he’s here to suck, fuck, send pics, do a little phone call here n there, send some money, and go

if you’re not with all that, you might as well dip

but if you’re cool with that, rest assured, you’re gonna be living your best mf life with this man in your wallet

and good news, you might not be his only, but you are his favorite

there’s just something about you that’s got him giving you a few extra thousand than he normally does

he doesnt take his sugar babies on proper dates bc he’s gotta stay away from media outlets, but he will invite you to his office for a “lunch break”

if you ever surprise him with a cute but sexy hawks cosplay, you won’t have to work for two whole weeks bc you cant walk

overall, he’s a good sugar daddy. defintely good for your pockets and any other non-romantic desires you want fulfilled

Mirodirya Izuku:

the way you two met and came to this arrangement was more or less an accident

the life of the number one pro-hero was lonely and stressful

he’s tried to dip his toes in the water here and there, but it never worked out because not many people could deal with the fact that he’d always put hero work first

he was teetering on the edge of signing up for one of those sugar daddy/baby websites until he met you at some cafe he passed by

it’s cliche really. you were his server and, honestly? he was hooked on day one

he watched you intently as you pranced around in your cute uniform. he couldnt stop admiring your brown skin and eyes and how cute your hair was. you spoke with such enthusiasm and cheerfulness that he couldnt help but swoon. and it didn’t hurt that you were very easy on the eyes

he listened to you as you went on a spiel about how college was a fortune and how you stayed up last night for a project bc you had to pick up extra shifts

that’s when he made his decision

by the time the hero is out of the door, you collected the reciept and almost fainted when you realized he left you a $500 tip and his personal number

“i enjoyed talking to you today and i hope we can continue that...here’s something small to help with your bills. and i hope this isnt too forward but you’re very beautiful. stay safe. deku.”

and what did you do that night?

you called his ass right back

you were nervous as hell bc you still couldnt believe this was real, but after talking on the phone with him for two hours, an arrangement was set

midoriya is the most gentlemen like sugar daddy out there

you wake up to good morning texts and a few hundred in your bank account almost every two days

he goes crazy over your insta posts. and if you wear something green? expect a bonus

takes you out shopping unprovoked

izuku: “are you busy? i saw you were having a rough week and was wondering if you wanted to go to that new outlet mall downtown”

you: 🏃🏾‍♀️💨

you most certainly had homework due that night but what tf you look like missing out on that offer?

it’s after so many “dates” that deku realizes that he prefers hanging around you more than he should but he doesnt wanna ruin anything so he keeps that underwraps

he’s the idiot that goes into this thinking he won’t fall in love

deku defintely has some dirty thoughts about you but he doesnt try to bring it up unless you do first

if you’re comfortable with anything nsfw, you gone see a whole different side to izuku

he’s a giver, giver, giver, but when he recieves, he just about loses it

send him “innocent” pics of yourself matched with a string of filthy texts and he’ll combust

when you send him pics of yourself in deku-themed lingre, he deadass sends you a whole black card with your name on it as a thank you

you guys get very comfortable with each other very quickly

soon enough, DA’s start turning into y/n stayng over for a week

you both realize this relatiosnhip runs a lot deeper than an arrangement when he accidentally let it slip that he told his mom about you

he’s profusely apologizing but you shut him up with a kiss and tell him that you’ve kinda caught feelings yourself

your next conversation works out well for the both of you

#bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #deku x reader #izuku x black!reader #hawks x black!reader #hawks x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #shouto x black!reader #takami keigo #todoroki shouto #midoriya izuku #bnha x poc!reader #bnha x black reader #mha x poc!reader #mha x reader #mha x black reader #bnha x reader

1K notes · View notes

magnum-schlong · 2 years

Note

TELL ME ABOUT UR OCS 👹👹👹 ALL. I CANT FIND A BEGINNING DATE FOR THEM IN THIS BLOG BUT I WANNA KNOW.

AAAAAA OK SO. First thing to say is that in universe they are all probably boring motherfuckers. just guys being dudes. second theyve only been a thing since Last january so theyre not that old!!

It started with Brad (blue) and Chad (red) who literslly just started as a joke about how Jocks and "the boys" can be so homophobic and gay at the same time? the kind of, "no homo, its ok bro you have socks on" kimda thing? and then we got attatched so now theyre OCs lmao

Then during online school I made a collection of "as vines", but very quickly realised that it wouldnt be very interesting with only the two of them. so we popped in a third wheel: Jake (Yellow)!!! his original idea was just to be the only one with a brain and to have mental crashes every few weeks but he quickly gave up on being the voice of reason? now he mostly just goes along with it while making 7 sex jokes/minute. hes hypersexual what can i say he also probably has a piss kink but what do i know

None of them have any sort of a good relationship with their parents: Chads were masculinity Junkies; Brads were helicopter parents and Jakes were Very religious and pushy

this kinda made Chad angry at everything (mostly jake) all the time, Brad quiet (and also probably the one with the least discernable personality), and jake a whore (affectionate)

The general idea of this was that Brad and Chad scraped together some money for an apartment where Jake just kind of walked in and claimed the couch as his. so they live together now, early twenties. I like to think Jake works at a subway but we have not confirmed this. He kind of slips in and out of polyamory with them, at some point B & C have a small little wedding and Jake is not that commital. sometimes hes the secret third member sometimes hes their boy best friend

And thennnn we were like "lmao what if we made a medieval fantasy AU" so we did, and also introduced the girls (TM). Mori (orange) and Vivere (green) who are also together bc it is out universe and we do what we want. Moris a 6'4, colourblind, partially deaf pirate whos super cool and I love her. she definitely became the voice of reason but isnt very good at it usually. Vivere could very easily be the voice of reason but decides not to; she watches (and encourages) Jake's chaos while eating popcorn and waiting. we also threw in a wyvern. his name is Egg.

this AU was later basically made into an In universe DnD game because theyre all just like that.

Brad and Chad way later in the future adopt twin girls and get a house, and Jake comes with them, but thats yesrs ahead so no need to worry about that.

Jake also has an anxiety service dog (that we definitely need to do research for but havent yet, oops) called Fella bc he thinks its funny.

annnd i think thats all you need to know to understand the memes??? i might rb this later and Raya can add if she wants. ill make a key lmao

Brad

6'0, probably a sagittarius, the biggest simp ever, kicking his legs in the air while twirling the telephone cord simp, almost always wearing a blue jumper in the redraws, emotional mess but he has man boobies

Chad

5'4 (we think its funny), unchecked anger issues, dyslexic, either wearing a large jumper or red t shirt, curtains :/, possibly the only normal human when in public, pretends he hates jake but eh

Jake (theres no yellow :[)

5'9, Undiagnosed ADHD, always wearing a wife beater, ass shorts, and snapback, would tell you to do heinous things but cry when you say "i dont hate you", he reminds me a lot of bo burnham. take that as you will

Mori

6'4, shes wearing a pirste hat you cant miss her, this makes her hard to draw but its ok, shes very pretty and i like her a lot, ginger :/

Vivere

5'7, Long hair and usually wearing a dress, chaotic neutral, pisces

#magnum schlong #pirate crew thread #tw long post #long post #explanation post

8 notes · View notes

be-the-creature-fan · 4 years

Text

AIN'T NO TIME LIKE 1969 by: be-the-creatue-fan. (Its a long one)

Chapter 1

Its was a quiet day at the Tortuga, ever since self quarantine started things were very quiet in the creature world. The Wild Kratts team were trying to keep busy, Chris and Martin were trading creature power discs again, Koki was making sure there was no Villain activity, Jimmy was playing his video games and Aviva was working on her inventions.

"It's Done!" Aviva said with excitement.

"What is?" asked everyone else.

"The Time Trampoline! Its finally been restored to its former glory."

Chris's face lit up with a tear in his eye, finally after over a year of waiting, the time trampoline was finished.

"So, Chris are you ready to test it out?" Martin asked.

"You don't have to ask me twice! So, Aviva how far back can this time machine go?"

"Well lucky for you Bros, this baby can go all the way back to the Jurracic Time Period!"

"For real!?" The Brothers said.

"Do you know what this means Chris?!" "We can finally see your fossil collection come to life!!!"

Chris was so excited he couldn't speak.

"Well what are you guys waiting for? You guys can visit them right now!"

So the Kratt brothers got ready to go back in time to see the dinosaurs, but little did they know that trouble was lurking close by.

"Uug Finally she finished her time trampoline thingy" Zach said as he walked towards his invisibility cloak. "It's finally time to defeat those Wild Rats once and for all!

Chapter 2

"Are you guys all set" Koki asked

"Ha! I was born ready!" Chris said as he climbed on the trampoline.

Once both Brothers were on the trampoline the countdown started, not just for the Wild Kratts team but for Zach as well.

"5.....4.....3.....2.....1....ze-" just before the team could say zero, Zach came out of nowhere and pushed Martin off the trampoline and destroyed one part of it as Chris made it into the time connection. Martin could only watch in horror as the time connection started to close right behind Chris. As Chris saw the time connection close up, he knew that he had to travel to a time period more recent then what he originally planned or he would be toast. So without thinking Chris threw the other smaller time trampoline just right infront of him and narrowly avoided his ultimate doom.

June 20th 1969 (9:52pm) Warren NJ

Chris found himself in a tree with the trampoline just under him. As Chris jumped on to the trampoline he couldn't help but feel that where ever he was at felt familiar in a way but he still didn't know where or when he was at, so he just packed up the trampoline and started to wander the streets. After walking for about an hour Chris began to feel tried and hungry and the feeling of being lost and alone didn't help. Just then, as he was walking near an alley way he felt a large tug on his arm and with one swift move he found himself on the ground being beaten up by a small gang of thieves. He could feel them snatch the time trampoline away as they ran away. Chris continued to lie on the cement motionless until he found the courage to get up and keep walking. He was still in shock and didn't know how badly he was hurt, and couldn't tell if he was sweating or losing blood but as he kept walking, everything kept becoming more and more familiar. Chris finally found himself infront of his childhood home and because of the pain and exhaustion he had felt, he clasped in the front yard only hidden by a bush.

Chapter 3

"CHRIS!" Martin screamed as he gased up at the time connection which had just closed. "Zach! Look what you have done now!" Martin looked at Zach with a murderous intent in his eyes. In a split second Martin leaped towards Zach and proceeded to put him in a choke hold. The rest of the Wild Kratts gang had to pry Martin off of Zach. But before Zach could escape, Aviva used the robotic arms to keep a hold on Zach.

"So Zach, What in the Creature World was that all about?!?!" Martin angrily asked.

"I don't have to say if I don't want too." Zach responded with a smirk on his face.

"Listen here you little sh-"

"MARTIN, LANGUAGE!!!" Koki said to quickly interrupt Martin.

"Dang, Martin. Sombody please remind me never to mess with Chris." Jimmy said in a kind of joking manner.

"Jimmy?"

"Yes Martin?"

"Shut up."

After a moment of awkward silence.....

"Oh Martin I was able to pick up a signal coming from the other trampoline." said Koki.

"Really? Where at do you know if Chris made it?"

"Well there was activity after the trampoline made it so he was able to escape the closing of the time connection, however I cant pinpoint where he is at but I know when."

"Well when was it?"

(Back with Chris in 1969.....)

It was 8:00 on the 21st day of June and it was a beautiful first day of summer. Linda Kratt who was 8 months pregnant with her 4th kid decided to sit on the porch outside and relax in the summer breeze. That when she noticed something on her front yard. As she walked closer to it thinking that it was probably a possum or a raccoon, to her suprize it was a man who's face was very swollen. At first she thought about calling the authorities, but saw that he had probably had gone through enough and probably needed a proper place to heal back up. So using a little bit of ingenuity she used her eldest son's wagon to put the man in and she pulled the wagon inside and she put him on the couch to rest up.

Chapter 4

Chris finally started to come around and the first thing he noticed was the kid who was staring back at him.

"Martin?" Chris said in a quiet raspy voice.

"Martin! what did I tell you don't disturb the nice young man!" Linda sternly told Martin as she shooed him away. "I'm so sorry about that I hope he didn't wake you."

"Oh, no he didn't wake me Mom" Chris said still a little dazed.

"Mom?" Linda said confused.

"Oh! I meant Mamm sorry."

"Oh that's alright dear, say you look familiar, do I know you from somewhere?"

"Um no I don't think so" Chris stuttered as he tried to get up. "I would like to thank you for your hospitality but I need to be on my way" as Chris stood up he became very light headed and he stumbled as he tried to walk, almost falling again for the 2nd time.

"Oh no I insist you must stay here and rest" she brought Chris back to the couch and it didn't take long for him to fall back asleep.

Linda then tried calling her husband Bill Kratt at his work but there was no answer. A few hour later Chris woke up again and started walking towards the kitchen to get something to drink but he would struggle with trying to stay awake. His head was pounding and he would black out at times but eventually he made it into the kitchen and got himself a glass of water. As he was walking back to the couch, Bill came back from work.

"What the hell are you doing in my house!!!" Bill shouted as he ran towards Chris and tackled him.

Chris was to weak to respond and passed out in fear.

"Bill! Get off of him he's hurt!" Linda screamed.

"Linda you and the kids stay back!" I'll teach him a lesson not to enter the house of Bill Kratt!"

It wasn't easy but eventually Linda calmed Bill down and explained him the whole situation. Chris once again woke up on the couch but this time it late at night.

He could hear Bill and Linda taking in the room next to his.

"I don't trust him Linda, he seems like someone who goes out looking for trouble"

"Well, what makes you say that Bill?"

"You saw how badly beaten up he is, he was probably looking for it. I'm just glad that no son of mine will ever end up like him."

"Bill, what's the real reason why you don't like him?"

"I guess I'm just worried about you,the kids and the baby. when I saw him in our house I thought something terrible happened."

"Oh I'm so sorry Honey, I tried calling your work phone but there was no answer.

"Its ok Love, I'm just glad you're ok."

Chapter 5

(Back in Present day.....)

Martin couldn't sleep that night. All he could think about was how would Chris ever return home. Aviva and Koki spent the whole day trying to figure out a way to fix the time trampoline as quickly and efficiently as possible, Jimmy was keeping a guard on Zach, and Martin was mostly trying to figure out where Chris could be. It was very odd though, Martin started recalling a moment shortly before Chris was born when a man came and visited his house for some reason that he couldn't remember, he didn't know why he was recalling this memory or why it came to mind just then but he tried to not pay attention to it and continued on with his day.

"How's the Time Trampoline Aviva?"

"Well, its coming along, luckily Zach wasn't strong enough to break the main part of the trampoline but its gonna take a while to fix it well enough to get Chris back."

"How long would that be?"

"About 2 weeks"

"2 weeks?! How would we know if he's even still alive in 2 weeks?"

"Ha! Wow most of my plan worked better than expected" Zach yelled out loud.

Martin didn't take that very well and the team had to restrain him as well before there was any bloodshed.

For the next few days The whole Wild Kratts team did their part to fix the time trampoline.

(Back in 1969.....)

Chris continued to slowly get better and even helped Linda out with some of the chores when she was to tired to do them.

"So when is the baby due?" Chris asked even though he knew the answer

"In about another month or so. But sometimes, I wish it would come sooner then later. It's not easy having to be pregnant and also have 3 other little ones, but I love my children and wouldn't want it any other way."

Just then Martin ran up to his Mom.

"Mommy can I go outside?"

"Sure Honey" just make sure when you go outside where stay in the front yard where I can see you."

"Yes Mommy I will. Come on Heidi!" Then a Saint Bernard puppy ran out of Martin's room and went outside with him.

Chris really missed Heidi and was very happy to see her, but he had to contain his excitement in order to not act suspicious.

"Heh, Heidi that's a cute name for a dog"

(Back in present day)

"Martin are you alright?" asked Jimmy

"No"

"What's wrong?"

Martin glances at Jimmy with tears in his eyes.

"I let Chris down Jimmy, I'm a terrible brother, I was supposed to protect him, and I failed."

"Martin this is not your fault. We're going find him and get him back."

"Well, if he's not dead by then!" Zach blurted out.

(Dead silence)

Chapter 6

(Back in 1969.....)

Its been one week since Chris went back in time. Chris was still recovering from his injuries but has since gain the trust of Bill.

"So um Chris that your name, right?"

"Um yes sir."

"Where are you from Chris?"

"Oh um I travel a lot but I grew up here and I was supposed to um meet my brother at a um a bus station I waited for a while and so I thought he might of been talking about the other one that's not to far away from here but as I was walking over there I got mugged and the next thing I know it, I wake up on the couch."

Chris knew he couldn't tell the truth, he knew that every action he does could affect the outcome of the future, even his own. All of a sudden Chris had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Bill.....Bill!...BILL!"

"Linda what is it?!"

"Bill! We have to go to the hospital, it's the baby, something's wrong!"

Chris sinking feeling turned into a pain and then into agony. He felt like throwing up, he wanted to scream, the pain was starting to become unbearable, he didn't know what to do.

"Chris are you ok?"

"YEAH BILL I'LL BE FINE JUST HELP THE BABY!"

"Ok, Chris I'm going to take you both to the hospital."

"NO JUST TAKE YOUR WIFE! I'll be fine just take your wife and I'll be fine, ok?"

"Alright, let's go Linda"

A few hours pass the pain was still there.

"Where's Mommy and Daddy?"

Chris looked up to see Martin stareing back at him.

Chris didn't know what to say, he was in so much pain. He didn't know if he would survive. He looked back at Martin.

"Mom and Dad are at the hospital, But don't worry, they're going to be ok."

After saying those words, the pain started to go away.

"Martin, I need you to remember something."

"What is it?"

"When your older, you are going to feel like you have to protect your siblings from danger, and that's good, but sometimes when you can't, don't feel like it's your fault, ok?"

(Back in Present day....)

"Oh my gosh I know where Chis is!"

"Martin it's 4:00 in the morning, where do you possibly think he's at?"

"He's at my house, in 1969, I remember him, but I don't know how, but he possibly can be the same man."

"Unless he's currently changing the past and adding new memories, that would explain why you keep having these new memories from your past!"

After a lot of thought Aviva just released something.

"This isn't good"

"What is it Aviva?"

"If Chris keeps talking or interacts with your family, this could jeopardize our past and present day selves. The Wild Kratts team might not even exist."

"Well there isn't any time to waste!" Koki piped up.

"Koki is right let's get to work."

Chapter 7

(Back in 1969.....)

After a while Linda and Bill came back from the hospital

"How's the baby?" Chris asked

"The baby is fine, thankfully"

"That's good"

"Chris, I would like to thank you for watching the kids for us, I hope there wasn't any trouble."

"Oh no there was no trouble at all"

"Are you sure we don't know you from somewhere?"

"Ummmm not that I'm aware of? But you guys have been so kind to like if I was your own son *cough*"

"I just hope your brother isn't worried about you"

"Oh I'm sure he's not that worried about me."

(Present day)

"ARE YOU GUYS DONE YET?!?!?"

"Martin, CALM DOWN! We need about a few more days until we're done fixing it."

"A FEW DAYS? A FEW DAYS?! WE DON'T HAVE A FEW DAYS WE HAVE TO GET HIM BACK ASAP!"

"Look were trying to do the best we can, but time travel is complicated stuff"

"I know, I know, but I'm just worried about him. I just want to protect him, I want to know if he's safe."

"I think I've got it!"

"What is it Koki?"

"I fix the time trampoline just enough to get Chris back!"

"How?"

"I took a few short cuts and was able to allow the time trampoline to go back to the year 1969, which we know is the same time where Chris ended up in history. We just need to make sure we have a connection to the other trampoline for the time connection to open which might take about 6 or 7 hours to complete and 2 to 3 hours to locate the signal from the other trampoline."

(A few hours later)

"Alright I was able to track down the other time trampoline and it tells me that it was last used on June 20th 1969. However the time trampoline can only go back as far as July 4th 1969, Chris would most likely still be stuck in the past but it would still be a risky thing to do, considering that every action he make could affect our Present."

"If it's the best we can do so be it!" Martin said

"Ok let's go then"

So Martin went on the time trampoline as the rest of the team stayed behind to make sure absolutely nothing goes wrong. So Martin went through the time connection and went back to Warren NJ July 4th 1969 (9:00)

To Martin's surprise he landed in a junkyard.

"Hey Martin can you hear us?"

"Yea loud and clear, it's a good thing that my Creature Pod still works."

"Listen, you only have 1 hour to find Chris and get back here or else the time connection will close again and it might take a longer time to get you guys back to Present Day."

"Wait today is the 4th of July, right?"

"Yeah why?"

"Oh man I was afraid of that"

"Why?"

"For as long as I remember, my family would drive a half an hour to go watch the fireworks near the beach. If they had already left there's no way I can make it back in an hour."

Chapter 8

"Well, what if they didn't leave yet? Shouldn't it still be still light out?"

The sun was still out but was quickly setting.

"The sun is starting to set, I don't know where I am or how far away I am from where Chris is!"

"Martin, there's no time to lose! You only have one hour to find Chris before the time connection closes"

"I know, I know..... (sigh)"

So after a while of finding a way out of the junkyard he finally made his way onto the street. Martin looked at his watch. (9:05)

As Martin continued to roam the streets his surroundings became more and more familiar. A lot of memories began to flood his mind, some good and some bad. Martin eventually found himself infront of his old school that he, his sisters and Chris would walk to and from. Martin looked at his watch again (9:15). It was a 20 minute walk from his childhood home, if he was going to make it, he would have to make a run for it.

(With Chris 9:00)

Chris found himself looking out the window, something he did often as a kid. It has been just over 2 weeks since he got trapped in 1969, a lot have happened during those weeks. Chris figured that Martin would be here by now, the situation was probably worse than he thought. What if he never returns home.

"Chris?"

"Oh um... yes Linda?"

"Is everything alright?"

"(sigh) yea...I just. I've been waiting for my brother for over 2 weeks but I've heard nothing. What if he thinks I'm, um kidnapped or um dead? I'm just worried about him not being able to find me.

"Oh Chris you have been such a wonderful guest, and you can stay for as long as you need to until we can find your brother. What's his name, anyways?"

"Mar....vin, Marvin"

"Well I'm sure we'll find your brother Marvin soon"

"Thanks Mo....Mamm I really appreciate it"

"Linda are you and the kids about ready to go?"

"Almost Bill, I'll be ready in a bit. Chris are you sure you don't want to come with us to the fireworks show?"

"Actually yes I'll go with you guys ot might take a little bit of time to get ready"

"Great, just make sure you're ready by 9:30"

"Ok" Chris said as he looked at a nearby clock. (9:05) "that should be more than enough time to get ready"

(Back with Martin 9:20)

Martin's lungs started to burn after a minute and a half of running but he didn't stop him but after 5 minutes of running it was more than he could take, he was at the half way mark between the school and his house but his lungs felt like they were on fire. Martin slowed to a stop to catch his breath, but the words "Martin there is no time to lose" echoed in his head, he had to keep going. So after a quick break he trudge on.

Chapter 9

(9:27)

(With Chris)

"Ok I'm ready to go"

"Oh good, is everybody ready to go?"

"Um Mommy?" Little Martin said

"Yes Sweetie....Oh Good Heavens!"

While nobody was looking Martin decided to try to pour himself a glass of grape juice and accidentally spilled it all over the floor.

Linda rushed over to where the mess was grabbed a mop and started to clean the mess up as quickly as she could.

"Linda you are in no shape to clean this up" Bill said as he went to where Linda was. "Here, let me clean it up Dear."

"No Bill I got this! I can do this"

"But Linda you know what the doctor said, you need to take it easy during this last month."

After pausing for a while Linda gave the mop to Bill.

After Bill cleaned up the mess and was able to get situated once again, a faint knock was heard at the door.

"I'll get it!" Linda said as she speed walked towards the door.

(With Martin 1 minute before)

Martin could see the house in his sights, but was still very far away maybe even to far away.

"Come on Martin you have to get over there, but how?" Martin said to himself as he started to scan the area.

Alas, Martin finds what seems to be a scooter. "I hope who ever this belongs to won't mind me using it" he rode the scooter until he makes it infront of the house. As he walked up the steps to the door Martin felt a rush of relief as he made it just in time.

Linda opened the door and once Martin and her made eye contact she was utterly speechless.

Martin, also being very weirded out, barely able to collect his thoughts said "Good evening um Mamm, I've been looking for my brother have you se-

"MARTIN!" Chris yelled out as he ran and embraced him.

"Chris I'm so glad you're ok!"

Bill comes to see whose at the door and when he also saw Martin he too had become speechless. Little Martin confused by all of the silence from his parents goes up and introduces himself

"Hi my name is Martin,what's your name?"

"My name is Mar-"

"MARVIN!" Chris blurted out

"Yea Marvin..."

Martin looks at his clock, it was 9:33.

"Oh look at the time! Me and Chris have to go we were supposed to meet with a couple of friends two weeks ago but ever since Chris got lost we spent our time searching for him but we best be on our way."

"I would love to thank you for your hospitality Mr and Mrs. Kratt and I hope we can visit you in the future " Chris said as they headed out the door.

"Bye Chris! I hope you can visit us soon"

"Sooner than you think" Chris thought to himself.

As soon as they were out of sight Martin and Chris had the opportunity to tell there sides of what happened with them.

"Why didn't you tell them my name was something cooler?" Martin asked

"What name would be cooler?"

"Anything but Marvin"

They both laugh and after a while they were able to make it past the halfway point. Martin looked at his watch again and it was 9:45

"Come on Chris we need to pick up the pace if were going to make it to the time trampoline on time" when Martin looked up Chris was nowhere in sight "Chris?"

"Martin.....help me"

The same pain that Chris felt a week ago was back however it felt 10× worse he tried to breathe but it was like he was getting stabbed in the lungs. He became numb and weak, Chris looked up at Martin with terror in his eyes he knew what was going on.

"Martin I'm dying"

Chapter 10

"Chris......Chris........come one stay with me buddy..........Chris!"

Martin knew time was limited, so he lifted Chris and carried him on his back. He could feel Chris struggling to breathe, he didn't know how his brother who seemed healthy just a few minutes ago, to just trying to hang on to life.

"Come on Chris we're almost there just hang on"

They finally made it to the time trampoline. It was 9:55, Chris wasn't looking so well. Martin started to jump on the trampoline with Chris on he back, which made it a lot longer to get through the time connection.

"Martin, Chris, thank goodness your back" Aviva said with excitement.

"Aviva you have to help Chris! I don't know what wrong he was fine when earlier, but when we were on our way here he all of a sudden....."

Martin broke into tears

"Don't worry Martin, we will find out what's going on"

Chris was laying almost motionless barely able to comprehend what was going on around him. He couldn't feel anything as both Aviva and Koki hooked him up with tubes.

"His heart rate is very irregular, I don't know if he's going to make it"

A new memory popped into Martin's head.

"Wait, I think I know what's going on"

"What is it MK?"

"Both past and Present Chris are connected..." (to be continued...) tumblr won't let me finish.

26 notes · View notes

soaringsearingphoenix · 4 years

Note

Valentine's Day Asks: The Prime Numbers

Wow! I dont know why i didnt see the notification for this one but ok, alright ah

1. do you have a crush on anyone?

I guess so? There are people who Stand Out to me and i call them crushes in my head sometimes but mostly I just want to be friends with them. Like I dont usually get dizzying sweeps of emotion for someone, physical or romantic, but I do get an urgent and baseless desire to hang out with them... maybe take a walk or invite them to get ice cream. So like if we’re on the same page about what I call a Crush on my emotional scale then yes. Theres a couple people.

2. what’s your favorite candy?

I like lemonheads and i will eat them until im sick of them if given half a chance. I also like snickers now because theres peanuts in it so i get to pretend im making a healthy choice

3. favorite love song?

Slow Boat To China, any version but specifically sung by Bette Midler and Barry Manilow. You know, like, just the corniest possible version? Partly for nostalgia, because it was one of like three CDs i remember my mom playing all the time when we were just kind of around the house when I was little. It also has the distinction of being the first duet I learned the words to (though as far as im aware none of my friends know the lyrics... i dont think ive ever actually sung it with someone) and it’s probably gotta be the one that gets stuck in my head the most. Right down to the dumb banter in the middle (“Bette, I didn’t know you felt that way about me.” “I don’t. I need a piano player.”)

I also like “Somewhere Beyond The Sea.” I think, as a general rule, that if there are boats in the words to a love song I will probably like it.

5. what was your last kiss like?

Meaningful

7. do you prefer poems or love letters?

Ahhhhhhhhhh to read or to write? I like writing poems because I think they’re... easier honestly? Writing is so hard, identifying your feelings is hard. Having some constraints makes writing easier, and a rhyme and cadence makes it flow. Besides, it’s more musical that way so I think for me it feels like a more natural expression of love. I do well with more structured expression, and not so much with making just raw, unrefined feelings known.

Not to say writing poetry is easy. It’s less difficult than a love letter, sure, but there are still potential pitfalls. If i make a metaphor that makes me think of science, the rest of the poem WILL be just an extension of the metaphor that gets more and more didactic until I’m just telling you science facts.

11. dinner dates or brunch dates?

Dinner dates. I decided that before i came up with a reason why. I think the reason is that an evening engagement means I have something to look forward to, or be nervous about but then i have time to mentally prepare myself. Whereas morning, even if it’s not “early” morning, I feel more stressed about getting there on time and then afterwards theres a whole rest of the day where i either have to get somewhere after, or its just this unstructured uncertainty. Dinner, youve already done the rest of the day, so you can be present without worrying about what you gotta get to after.

13. favorite perfume/cologne?

I... dont know that ive ever noticed a perfume or cologne and felt it was applied tastefully, because i think if it is insubtle it defeats the point. That said, if it’s actually well applied so that it’s less an overwhelming cloud that trails comically behind people you pass in the quad and more like when someone sits down right next to you om the couch and you get just a hint of their shampoo or conditioner, to the point where maybe you didnt even consciously notice it before but now you say “oh, you’re the reason ive been craving ice cream, you smell minty” if it was only that subtle then i think im generally fond of more smoky incense-y smells like sandalwood, or roses but i am picky about rose fragrances, so it has to actually smell just like fresh roses or i wont be able to overlook that the smell is not roses. I have this friend who went to my middle school, and we were very into scents and making potpourri and things. At the time, his grandma had a hand soap that smelled exactly like roses, it was delightful and he said as much and I said that it sounded amazing but I’d have to take his word for it, but then the next time he visited her he came back with a little jar of it for me just so i could smell it, and he was right, it smelled just like roses. Actually forget the roses, it will make me think of the hand soap and as lovely as that is I dont want to give anyone vying for my affection any reason to feel like they’re in competition with someone, or something. It’s not a competition. Learn to coexist with my memories, because you’re not going to fight my nostalgia and win.

17. what’s the most attractive thing a person could wear?

If you’re wearing something knit or embroidered that you made yourself Im definitely gonna want to talk to you. Also if you’re wearing really comfy looking cargo pants but thats probably because i want to know where you got them so i can get some for me.

19. snow, rain, or sun?

Sun because people will take a walk with me

23. what’s your dream wedding like?

Dont have one but if i did its in a forest or at least a grove of trees. Mostly small gathering, family and close friends. I have a dress for the vows i guess, just because ive seen a lot of Say Yes to the Dress so thats how ive generally pictured it, (which i only really do when im watching Say Yes to the Dress), but ive got comfortable shoes, and im gonna change into pants asap after. We probably do some corny thing thats kind of an inside joke. Each of us has a Best Man or equivalent, who carries a sword — we joke that this makes it a “traditional” wedding, though beyond that it’s really not meant to be. It’s mostly simple, though maybe have a little extravagance or two, like a chocolate fountain, because how often do you have an excuse to have a chocolate fountain. I tend to wander off from other peoples weddings somewhere in the middle, at some point i just get a little overstimulated, and the amount of people that will likely be invited makes this probable. At the reception, when the families and friends are singing and dancing, i probably quietly excuse myself to my spouse and drift away, finding a spot in a tree where i can still hear the music and the laughter from a distance. I am joined not long after by my spouse (and the thought is strange, and even then i cant quite wrap my mind around that word yet, the commitment it implies) who knows where to look for me, and who perhaps pulls a leaf or two from my hair as they join me on an adjacent branch. We sit quietly together for some time until it seems appropriate to rejoin the festivities, as it is our wedding after all, and the slow dance is coming up, and we will spend some quiet time later when everyone has gone home. It is nice, the dancing, and as tired as we are we still drift around the dance floor among loved ones long into the night.

I dont know if this is like... how i intend my wedding to be. Like i said i didnt have an answer going in. But now that im trying to imagine it, this feels realistic.

29. are you single?

Yup!

31. guitar or piano?

Piano. First of all because i am better at piano than guitar and second because you can do duets on one piano

37. do you like to dance?

Aw hell yeah!! I would call myself an... Inexperienced dancer, but if a song has a good rhythm or even if it doesnt and i am full of energy i WILL be moving and twisting and you ARE welcome to join me

41. favorite soda?

I usually go for lighter ones like orange or sprite. I found Lime fanta at a gas station once that tasted like green jello and it was good but ive only seen it maybe twice ever.

43. favorite ABBA song?

Gimme Gimme Gimme always gets me on my feet, and ive listened to it probably the most because it’s on my “Dates and Times Playlist” (the first line says ‘half past 12’ and then the chorus says ‘after midnight’ so its in with a collection of other midnight songs. Any time i hear any of the others i get this one in my head as well. Thatd just how it is.)

47. do you think about love a lot?

#just kidding of course i think about love a lot #but usually its how much i love my friends #apparently my love language is s c r o l l i n g to find old ask memes #long post #long post cw #thanks tho!!! this was fun #as far as my poetry goes #itll be like ‘my darling you light up ny world... like the sun’#and then its like ‘my world revolves around u like the earth to the sun’#and then its like ‘i love u for ur warmth... u make me feel alive... of every body around me its u i feel closest to... like the sun’#and then its like ‘ur light is radiant... hotter than a flame... ‘ something about not being eclipsed because youll still shine through #and at that point im just straight up talking about the sun #i cant find The poem im thinking about that just straight up turns into a list of traits the sun has like four lines in #but i did write a song that i definitely have the lyrics to #and the song is good because i didnt try to write it about a person i went in knowing it was gonna sound like a love song n be about science #actually i mightve wanted to write a love song but i abandoned that right away and changed the beginning i had to fit what i was rly writing

17 notes · View notes

thepilgrimofwar · 4 years

Text

Business as Usual

The note was small, plain, the wax seal of the Crows the only thing that hinted at the true depth of the words within.

If I was you, I would search for new pockets and keep those not-expendable outside the walls.

“Now we wait. Not for a reply, but for what he does. Alynne, I want you and your team to watch the manor, make note of their patrols, number of guards, the usual. I want to know exactly what he does. Tyrelius isn’t stupid, but from what I hear he might be one of those honourable sorts, so we might have to do this the hard way.” Garris waved their sniper off as she sighed and took her leave, grumbling about having to miss the action.

Running a hand over the stubble on his chin, he turned to the three other women and the lad around the table with him, briefly contemplating making a harem joke and deciding against it, figuring that at least two of them might attempt a stabbing.

“Right. Elithys, that was your name wasn’t it? Once we figure out where’s the best point of entry, I want you to get us in. Preferably without alerting everyone in a five mile radius with a big fucking sign-” he lifted a finger when she opened her mouth to question him, “Your predecessor. Don’t ask.”

“Oookay then,” Elithys lilted, figuring it was best to let sleeping dogs lie. “But I hear you, I’ll get us in. Silently at that.”

Standing, he smoothed out the rather poor map on the table, more of a scribble really, hastily drawn by Solendis when it emerged that all the blueprints were kept in Kearn, far out of their reach. “If Tyrelius withdraws, we go by the fastest route possible, directly to what's-his-nut’s chambers. If not, blow up the garrison and we’ll deal with whoever survives that. Snatch and grab, though if Lirelle’s right more of snatch and shove. Might be the most exercise he’s had in a century.”

Vissehn leaned against the table, head canted as he watched Garris take point in the operation. The man was very chatty, a characteristic that endeared him greatly to the equally-chatty Hawk. Curling his lip as he listened to the plan, he tapped the parchment. “Oi, and where’s that leave me’n Our Lady of Carrion? Don’t leave me hanging.” He waggled his eyebrows, but there an actual focus to him that had been absent at the warplanning.

To be fair, he also looked more the part, out of the ill-fitting finery he had tried to wear out of politeness sake and back in his Hawk uniform; the crimson and cream suited him far better, and despite its bright colors, seemed to actually help the lad blend in. He could be any one of the many Hawks that made their way into this part of the kingdom, and nothing about him gave indication to his prowess at combat-- or his allegiances.

Garris swung over to face Vissehn, raising an eyebrow at Lirelle along the way as if to question where she had picked up the urchin. “We’re doing all the heavy lifting. One explosion isn’t going to take out all the mercs in there, and whatever house guards the man has. The ones on patrol or in the toilets will come running, although,” he scratched his chin, “We’re recruiting. Might be worth a shot, save a bit of blood on both sides even.”

He eyed the boy, even though anyone associated with Lirelle was able to hold their own like as not, he was just that, a boy. “Is there something in particular you’d like to do in this? You look fast, you reckon you could get inside and make sure that he’s safely stuck in his chambers until we collect?”

“I can get in anywhere.” Vissehn boasted, tossing his tousled hair out of his eyes. “I can get in, check the chambers, keep him there if necessary.” He scratched one finger over the hastily drawn map. “My issue is, do we know if he’s got his lads in the ROOM with him? If he’s got muscle in his bed, I dunno, whackin off, I’m gonna be in a sight more trouble than if he’s fondling his cock solo.”

There is a pause around the table as the four adults take a moment to fully digest what the youth was saying before loud laughter breaks out, Lirelle’s impassive visage even twisting into some semblance of a grin.

“I’ll go with you, don’t you worry dear. I’ll have a look round the door first so you don’t have to see anything improper, hm?” The blonde lady next to him spoke up, justling him lightly with her elbow. She followed her gentle words with a smile, genuine and soft, looking so out of place amongst the present company. “I’m Seria, my apologies for forgetting about introductions.”

“Nice t’meetcha, I’m Fish!” His voice was bright. “Or, Vissehn. But I earned Fish fair and square so I’m fond of it. An’ no worries about impropriety, I doled out mail in the Big City. I seen more flaccid dicks and magically pert tits than a brothel.” The laughter seemed to inflate the youth, and his smile was bigger and his pose jauntier than before. Rubbing his hands together in anticipation, he looked around the table. “Anyrate, nice meetin ya Seria, I foresee a blessed future for us in kidnapping fat men.”

Looking around the table, he slid a hand towards the map. “Any of you lot know the servantry in this heap? They’ll be the ones what know which ways the Lord’s likely to duck out if he senses the noose tightening, and are usually willing to part with that information nice like if you show them the door out of the mess afore it starts.”

“Well Fish,” begins Seria, “Normally I’d be the one to do that, but someone decided that our schedule was two days.” She flashes him a smile before turning to cuff Lirelle, the gesture full of almost sisterly affection.

“If I know anything about Garris, this is going to be right in the dead of night, and if our new recruit is as good as her reputation, he’ll barely have time to wake up, let alone try to slip out. Alynne and hers will have eyes on any exits from the manor anyway, and I’ve not seen her miss a shot. It’s a good suggestion though, if you ever want to do more than delivering letters you can come work with me, people with a quick mind are sometimes hard to come by.”

Elithys pulled her ears back. “I’ll let my work speak for itself when the time comes,” she says, looking at Vissehn. “But no complaints so far, if you’re considering it. The pay is good and the company is colourful.”

Vissehn grinned at the offer, swelled ego growing. “Well, I promised m’self to a little lordling for a space, but if’n he tires of me-- which he will afore long-- who know, I could kill kings for a time.” He scratched his throat consideringly before lifting his hands.

“You lot are the experts; I’ll do my part as best I may, and we’ll see this done yeah?” His gaze slid over each of the others, their certainty and casual professionalism leaving him without doubts. “Point yer Fish where it oughta swim and I’ll get there for ya.”

“Well, if we’re all up to speed on what we’re getting up to, make sure whoever you’re bringing with you is caught up as well. Once Alynne sends word, we move that night. We just need the way through the mountains from Lirelle’s other-” He cuts off as the door is flung open, the mess of brown curls now clothed in the colours of the Emberglades and not the peasant garb she had snuck in with.

“Everyone’s looking at me, did you all miss me that much?” With a cheery smile, Aravel made her way to the table, sweeping Garris’ map away and laying down her own and tapping on a spot behind the manor. “I talked to the others, there’s a tunnel that can spit you out right here. We have to start from inside Dawnveil itself, so I’d suggest we make our way there now and wait at the closest outpost. I’ll have to change again, so you all best appreciate the sacrifices I’m making for this. Guardians’ll be happy for the company, but they won’t ask too many questions. I will warn you that it’s a hard walk in the tunnels, especially the ones on their side. Always watch the person in front and the person behind, don’t make us hunt for stragglers. Me and Derrel will take you through and wait for your return. Sound good?”

As the rest of them murmured their assent, Garris leaned over to Vissehn, raising an eyebrow and stage whispering, “See, if you join us, you get to collect your very own harem. Perks of the job.” Immediately after the words left his mouth he cringed away, prepared for the inevitable retribution to follow.

And it did, first from the deceptively gentle woman, who flicked the tip of his ear, the snap of the impact followed by another one as Lirelle made contact with his shin. Aravel looked put out for a moment, then gave in to the joke after deciding that he wasn’t serious, and even Elithys managed to get an elbow in his ribs, before bursting out in laughter despite herself.

Vissehn glanced up at Garris as he was soundly reprimanded for his comment, and the wryness of his smile was matched only by the wicked gleam in his eye. “I’ll keep it in mind, looks like ye get all the best pleasures outa life with this pack of damsels.” He wagged his brow at them. “Every one of ye as delicate as a snowdrop, right?”

If it wouldn’t have ruined every part of who he was and had been, he would have added that Garris was still the only thing with a cock in the room. But even his terrible humor had to be overruled by the sheer desire to survive, and that’s what the mask-- gender-- was.

“But I gotcha, keep up with the herd and don’t wander off fer the wolves to pick off. I think I follow.”

The bickering group of them might as well have been the same age as the boy, for all they were behaving. It was at odds with what they were perhaps, more suited to a tavern than a discussion amongst professional killers. Aravel retrieved her map from the table, folding it up and tucking it into her belt. She leaned down to ruffle Vissehn’s hair on the way out. “Get your things packed and be back here when you’re ready. Wear something inconspicuous, we’ll be passing off as some of the last merchants into Dawnveil. I haven’t worked with that lot before, but from what I’ve heard from Lirelle, they’re the ones that’ll win this thing for us.”

@retributionpriest @stormandozone

#Epilogue #The Crows

5 notes · View notes

asoulinthewind · 4 years

Text

Fruition

Another day and I have found myself in a weird space somewhere between understanding and not, My energy is agitated and fragile, and in need of some comfort and tenderness yet I am unable to move past the need to push and test. It was the realization that its Easter, that being the first real trauma my life had encounter, the first time I found out that boys lie and that my heart could be used against me by someone by telling me what I want to hear, its no wonder I don’t believe the words of any man whose hand touches me, that I am always cynical as to whether or not a man could be trusted. I did not even remember this until I heard and old song, thought about Easter and Nate and OH FUCK!!!!! The mountain, and the tequila and the 14 year old me, being taken by 2 men who I thought were safe. And fighting to disappear so that I didn’t have to face the fact that I love you was a lie and I was used. I was seen as an object for someone else’s pleasure, or entertainment or conquest, not as me or even as a person, I was simply a means to an end, That is why I am angry…..I found it just now and I dont’ know how to feel about it or how to dig up the deepest root threatening my foundation. The inability to trust men, and the illogical desire to want to find a man that will be my protector.

Dedication.

I would have to say that this started in a classroom of a penitentiary. I was led through a guided meditation where I met my wise woman. She was not only me, but every other soul I ever crossed, both known and unknown. She came to me like everything and nothing all at once. History ran through her skin. There was fire in her eyes, and a dark form of compassion I found hard to identify. She told me to take a deep breath, break the surface and dive. For that Divine Inspiration, I offer up my all. And for all her Children, whose stories I tell. For Olyvia, who has been to me, the greatest and brightest treasure I found in the abyss, to Nate, To Doc...whom were there when I was both the darkest and brightest, in the very beginning. Thank you for teaching me some of the most profound and difficult lessons. But most of all to my CRAZY KIDS who have challenged my sanity and loved me through the thick and thin. You have taught me more about life and love and about myself than you will ever know. You are gifted and so perfectly complete just as you are. You inspire me and give me hope, all the while talking shit, cracking jokes and challenging everything I thought I knew. There is nothing you can not do.

Now…

The dog just shit on the floor, I still have not done even one useful, logical thing I should be doing, meaning, I am restless because I do not know what to do. I have moseyed through the house looking for one project or another to actively engage all my mental energies, only to still find myself disengaged. So I sit, put on yet another random playlist, and begin to write. I have been meaning to do this for days. I know that my soul has been very quietly calling out for me to begin the process in which I give words to all the unseen that is inside of me. If for no other reason than to release it. More than that though, it has been put on my heart to do this for a long time. I don’t know that anything I have to say is all that important, or if it might be meant for someone else to read. If the message is relevant or revolutionary is beyond me. It is to me simply because it’s MY inner world. I know this place, I live here. In this unseen place inside the spaces of my thoughts and fears and emotions is a landscape that has no other occupants. It has no visitors, no polution, no other agenda than simply to be, to love and be loved. I watch the exterior world from a position of curiosity, wonder and hope. The problem I face is that sustaining awareness in this place is tough. It disappears when my logical, rational mind ,in its attempt at defending the center of my being , uses fear to protect me. Fear disconnects my awareness, it blocks the channel by which i assimilate the outside world to my inner realities. Its outter sanctuary my ego, my shadow and its many shades that masquarade like actors on a stage, pretending and wanting to be real. All the while silencing the truth that quietly screams to for its liberation. The funny thing is that sometimes I get this feeling that there are other world and its inhabitants that are trying to rise up and gain manifestation as well. I wonder...am I really just being over imaginative, suffering from grandios delusions, if Im making shit up for my own narcisistic need to be important. It could be that, but if I accept one possibility then I also must accept the opposite. That I am not insane. That my inner world and its silent observer is in fact bringing me to Truth, and Purpose. That I am who I think I am. That there is Divinity and humanity embodied. That there is something very important going on that I am meant to be part of. Silly right? Maybe, but if I am that then so is everyone else. We are equal. We are all lost, and forgetful and struggling to remember, searching for something, or refusing to open themselves. I say this because really I am speaking of myself. I dont know how to look inside because my ego doesnt want to die. I am not nearly as good nor as bad as I may think, but I am confounded by the mirror. Im good when I think its all bad and bad when I think i am good, I am weak when i lean on what I think is strength and strong when I feel like I am falling apart. How do I find the homeostasis and not the juxtaposition of existance? How do I extract from my soul the joy and lightness? How do I laugh and dance and embrace the unencumbered freedom that is inside? I want to let peace reign, and laughter to echo out healing all the self inflicted wounds I dont know how to relinquish. Allowing and trusting myself to deconstruct and remodel every thing I thought I knew, all my constructs of reason and self preservation. This is counter intuitive, to let go when from the shadow the critic says Bitch you better hold on, You better run, You are not safe, you cant even trust yourself, how many times have you said you would not and then you do, you are broken, you are lost, you are slowly falling away, you are following away, you are powerless. At some point from beyond those shadows, came the silent truth that I ought to have hope, that something about all of that was wrong, and it was untrue. That if I searched for it, I would find the opposite. That there was something out in the world or in myself that was good, and safe. That love as elusive as it had been in my life could be real, that I could believe in something other than the inevitable failure and fear I had seen. But how did I know that it was there if I had never actually seen it, if I could not quantify it. I did not have words for that. THere was no point of reference, no comparison in my memory stores that would justify my theory. I wanted to experience this love. But why? I didnt believe in God, I didnt believe in love and I certainly did not believe in myself. I did know that I wish that i could, because then I wouldnt feel like “this” This being the shaking, a violent force I felt in my diaphragm that I could not escape, nor could I tame unless I was lost in the ether of the intrevanous injection of hard drugs or wrapped up in some mindless drama that kept my from myself.

But I think I am getting ahead of myself. I have referenced the before. The Shaking, as I called it, was the state I was in about 10 years ago when my whole life went upside down. I have to say that I cant find a point of reference from even my earliest memories that is without clouds or shade. Not because anything was so traumatic or terrible in my childhood, or due to abuse or neglect. I still cant tell you where the sense of brokeness began, because it was always there, not that I was not whole, but I had yet to collect the remaining segments of my soul. The microcosm of the Collective Conscousness I believe we are all part of, had yet to reveal. But was still somehow always there. Hidden and protected perhaps until the conditions were right, and I was ready to wake up.

1 note · View note

victor-v · 4 years

Text

so yesterday i finished all for the game for the second time in my life (weird thing i've never read a book or series twice) and it wrecked me for the second time. it was unexpectedly nice that i actually understood everything with so much clarity, but that makes sense i've got lot of practice in reading english since then. also, i wrote my thoughts on the book this time.

i can't understand how a book can have such an impact on me, i hate that and i love it, everything else that crossed my mind is under the cut

★huh andrew really bullied aaron into dressing identical to mess up with neil

★"i don't swing either way" is the phrase that made me feel more valid that the whole queer community ever

★neil is pure nihilism

★how can i EVER forget neil wore a tight long sleeved TORN tshirt that andrew bought this is way too much

★seth is dead and all kevin can think about is the line up tbh i do that often

★they are making a scandal about how they sit

★kevin telling neil "destroy him" filled me with power

★the most unreal part is neil ALWAYS keeping his roots another colour the guy must dye his hair every fucking week

★how did neil buy andrew's promise to protect him from the japanese mafia's professional murderers when the only people he physically bullies is an obsessive young adult with anxiety, a princess in high heels and his sunshine sister in law

★wait a fucking minute andrew saw neil filled with terror while holding the phone and immediately gave him the car keys so he could be alone fuck

★nicky fucking hemmick attended to improv class

★ according to dan few athletes were crude enough to start trouble at an ERC event, you mean as crude as neil?

★how to take care of your teammate while he's in a crisis according to: andrew→show concern and reassure him. wymack→10 seconds of vodka

★"hey, jean. jean valjean" is peak comedy

★the ravens walking in v formation is genuinely the most cringy thing you can think of

★neil first finds out the only possible person to date him is andrew because he was jealous of renee are you kidding me

★andrew only missed 13 from 150 shots on goal for fucking real what a Man

★renee is an angel, she's specifically andrew's angel

★neil truly is a watcher

★bee wearing a bee costume is the only good thing on this world

★dan and matt dressed like greek gods!!!!! they can adopt me already

★can you believe nicky is the one who got into neil's brain and planted the idea of realying on someone, and since then neil actively pursues an investigation on andrew's relationship status how on god's name i missed that HOW he's not even subtle about it damn

★he first worries about renee now about kevin goddamn it josten how can't you se how much you care about him

★it's funny how sexuality is such a heavy topic between them when they sure as fuck have some pretty huge stuff going on you know like dying in the hands of the mafia or being tortured

★i imagine andrew running to renee all bonkers like "listen if the cute guy asks, for fucks sake tell him i'm gay but make it ~casual~ maybe this way he'll get it"

★the sole mention of thanksgiving dinner makes me want to die

★kevin is checking the scores in a newspaper I forget this book is so 00's

★they should have spent the day eating turkey and frozen pie at abby's fuckkkkkkkk

★are you kidding me they are in the middle of a conversation and andrew casually chokes neil a little but it's ok they carry on wtf

★"we are all going to regret this" is the fucking worse piece of foreshadowing in this book

★neil interrogating andrew the same night he was raped what kind of fucking piece of shit does that

★i can't fucking believe neil went ahead and shoved andrew's hand under his tshirt in front of kevin, wymack, betsy and two fucking lawyers are you kidding me

★neil asking "are we? friends?" to nicky is so relatable because i also would have an aneurysm if someone told me i am their friend

★someone else tries to flirt with him and he immediately considers andrew how i was too ace to see it the first time i read

★jesus fucking christ riko is one truly fucked up sociopath and neil is the bravest motherfucker on the land

★how can he face riko like that in the nest and be extremely pure in other occasion

★"are we watching the ball drop? i want to make a wish" he wants to make a wish and i want to die thanks

★i can't believe the whole if it means losing you then no and side effect of the drugs shit it's unreal fucking unreal how oblivious neil is too ace to realize anything SOMEONE JUST CALLED YOU "DREAM" THE LEVEL OF ROMANTICISM

★the amount of heavy staring in this trilogy is ridiculous and all i can think about is twilight

★these books made me see how far from the 00s we are, for many reasons, but mostly for some jokes that can't let slide; like calling neil a battered wife, domestic misogynistic violence is not a joke

★i can't believe from all people, wymack was the first one to get andrew was into neil

★"that doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you" is such a funny phrase to be said casually why is it

★"you are a racoon, not a fox" oh andrew

★it only took andrew admitting he had a crush for neil to be all sentimental and shit, and that disarmed andrew too

★they are like some kind of animal that while you think they are fighting, they are actually mating, that's exactly what nora meant with feral

★half of last book is neil mooning over andrew jfc

★nicky made neil smile while distracting him from riko im gonna throw myself off a cliff

★i can't quite believe neil goes through a detailed monologue about andrews memory the man is impressed and borderline turned on about every talent on his crushe's shelf

★i literally can't follow and will never understand the quarrel/promise/agreement between aaron and andrew what a bunch of pretentious idiots

★every time neil's phone buzzes all i fear is the fucking countdown

★i thought "i want to see you lose control" was a collective fever dream i can't believe it's written on the books

★if i was nicky i already have told andrew to stop his freaky pretentious shit towards me

★neil to the upperclassman: ha ha fellas is it gay to unthinkingly call andrew in the middle of a anxiety breakdown

★"you gave me a key and called it home" is as soft as heartbreaking i want to jump off a cliff

★"i won't be like them, i wont let you let me be" is actually pushing me off that cliff andrews feelings are a fucking storm

★neil was kidnapped and tortured the day of my bday and that's not a coincidence

★neil's talent to twist the truth in order to convince andrew of anything is outstanding

★excuse me they have no right to be this soft i hate them

★they miss so many opportunities to be funny about the whole "protection" thing

★did he really had a mental breakdown over where to fucking sit on the bus lmao

★"don't come crying to me when someone breaks your face" is the second most awful piece of foreshadowing

★lets be honest for a second andrew should be a fucking writer because all those things he says? edgy myspace pretentious poetry

★im sorry but i don't care about literally anything except neil smiling onto andrew's neck bye

★andrew ghosted a kiss across neil's hip im dead for real

★abby kissed neil's forehead farewell after cleaning all his injuries i have no words he's recieving all the affection he deserves

★cant believe you don't see aaron is fucking worried neil is taking advantage of andrew

★i mean yeah ok don't talk love but neil is sad that nicky thinks it was only hate sex, and he immediately acknowledged it meant more than that to him bc his demi btw wtf does hate sex mean i can't believe you hate someone so much you wanna suck his dick

★they all went horseback riding when will i have a group of friends like that

★"who's humanising who in that relationship" i know right nicky

★kevin locking himself to have a panic attack is the most relatable thing

★the car encounter with ichirou holds the same tension as a mr robot scene

★the proposal of playing olympics and being unstoppable feels like marriage or smth

★neil is literally having his hot girl summer

★i adore neil's overflow of emotions after swallowing everything for so many years. represented, thanks.

★andrew terrorising katelyn who the fuck does he think he is what an annoying asshole

★"did you know i've never been skiing" is the most epic line

★i cheer to the sole mention of laila

★alvares can deck me right now and i would say thank you

★"war is profitable" aaron knows what's up

★sometimes i want to slap them is2g

★that scene at eden's where they are all discussing how roland found out and aaron ends up being the only straight one lmao boy it's your punishment for being so homophobic

★the whole "deadliest piece on the board" spech is 100 times better when you consider kevin was wasted and overly exaggerating every word and gesture

★can you imagine those few fans supporting kevin's new tattoo screaming YAAAAASSSSS QUEEEEEEEEEN while snapping fingers i'm cackling

★matt in court body slamming into anyone that's been a problem to the foxes: VIBE CHECK MOTHERFUCKER

★neil kissed andrew in castle fucking evermore the audacity i adore him

#the foxhole court #the raven king #the kings men #all for the game #tfc #it really fucking wrecked me #how can a fucking book do this to me #my thoughts

0 notes

azurera · 7 years

Text

I know you are supposted to get one in your askbox. but guess what. i dont give a shit, and i’m bored as fuck so i did them all. my memory is shit atm so i dont remember some answers to some of these. and my grammar is shit but do with it what you want. g’night ya’ll ~

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more milk, because i can always drink the extra milk, the other way around you would end up with dry cereal and thats just bleh.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? no

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? everything i can find. most unique thing is probably a 10 Gulden bill (very old dutch currency before the euro)

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I trow as much crap in my coffee as i possible can, sugar, milk. more milk than coffee. give it to me cold, add alcohol. i dont give a shit. thea is just nice to have a little suger thats it. let me enjoy the flaver itself.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? 9/10 times probably yeah

6: do you keep plants? since a few weeks i sometimes get flowers, so you could say i kind of own plants some times.

7: do you name your plants? i should

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? i scream into the void

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? no, because i sound terrible

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side mostly. or when im really tired my back. usually not my stomach because .. well.. boobs.

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? if i had friends.... no idea tho. i have so many jokes, my life included.

12: what's your favorite planet? PLUTO. VIVA LA PLUTO. the little rings on saturn are also nice. shit this could have been a nice opportunity to make a uranus joke..

13: what's something that made you smile today? i didnt

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? lots of pillows

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! 99% of our soular system’s mass is the sun

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? i dont know. but those swirly things are cute.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? every. colour. at. once.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. i try to stack those memories far far away.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i dont

20: what's your favorite eye color? i dont have a favorite eye colour. but i love eyes that look like space nebulas.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. i bought a nice leather bag on castlefest. its very usefull nice and small but it can fit more in it than you think.

22: are you a morning person? if by morning you mean still awake at 4, then yes.

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? lay my dead body to rest on my couch and cuddel with my cat

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? probably not

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? my own house? i dont really break into places.

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i have to many shoes man..

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? the really over the top fruity onces

28: sunrise or sunset? sunset, (becouse im not a fucking morning person)

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? im thinking of to many things at once and yet nothing comes up.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? way to many times.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i only own black socks, becouse then you never have the problem of looking for a pair. sometimes im all for socks, i wear them even when i take of all my other clothes just becouse they are soft and then i wear them to bed and they magicaly disappear. but since i wear dresses a lot i also wear panty’s and stuff. so its not always socks.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. usually that invloves a lot of alcohol. which means that i don’t really rememeber a lot. (which is also probably for the better)

33: what's your fave pastry? pie

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i think it was a little lion called simba. and im sure its in a box somewhere.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? yes i love them. but i dont use them a lot becouse a) not many people write me letters and b) i could. write them first. but obviously im a lazy fuck.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? i just really prefer silence right now.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i like keeping it clean, but we all know thats not happening.

38: tell us about your pet peeves! i do not know right now. i think

39: what color do you wear the most? black.....

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? the 3 things I always wear are a ring my grandma got me, a ring my mother bought for my 18 birthday that she switched her old wedding rings for. and a mjolnor necklace. I just saw so many people with one. and i really wanted to have one aswell, but not just any, so i went and looked all over this fantasy event and i’ve honestly seen every single mjolnor necklace they had, and then i picked this one.

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? the girl on the train was a nice book (the film a little less) it was just nice to have a book that i could go through quickly.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! not really

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? god its been to long...

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? i still wish for this day...

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? mmmaybe

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. i can not make one up right now. i need to have the righ feel in the right moment.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? PINAPPLE ON PIZZA, PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA, PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? death. yes.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I only own a few CD’s, and a few LP’s the last one i think was a supernatural christmas cd thing.

50: what's an odd thing you collect? those prayer cards with the picture of the person, you get at a funeral. i have quite a lot of them, so you could say i collect them.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? suddenly

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? i like the “you cant xx if you don’t xxx” memes. those make for some good jokes. other than that i make my own memes, fresh and local.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? only parts... i should watch them shouldn’t i..

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? u know who u are.. im sorry..

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? i secretly moved out in a pretty dramatic way to prove my mom that i couldnt go on like that...

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when they shut the fuck up

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i do not feel like listening to it now, thats how its making me feel.

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? im both.

59: what's your favorite myth? nice people are my favorite mythical creatures.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? im not really into poetry tho, but sometimes there is one thats just nice, discribing beaty in such a subtle way, that i like it.

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? i don’t give stupid gifts. people either get something epic from me or nothing at all. go big or go home.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? ive been drinking this strawberry/apple/ bananna juice stuff sometimes, makes me feel like i try to be healthy.

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i keep them in an organized mess (just like my life)

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? its a lovely gradient of light blue/white/ to a bit darker blue.

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? so many people, i suck at being social.

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? ALL THE COLORS

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? sometimes its nice to stare out of the window on those days.

68: what's winter like where you live? shitty

69: what are your favorite board games? i like playing monopoly and slowly see the light dissappear from my friends eyes. or cluedo you know, murder.

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? its this one thea they have at the cinema, the pink one. the rosy stuff. its so good.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? i should note it down. but then i forget to read it. so yeah, ill mess up either way.

73: what are some of your worst habits? i tent to complain a lot, becouse i always hope it will make me feel better when there is to much going on in my head. but sometimes i just keep going, and i dont even know how bad its getting, and i probably pull myself down into some negative spiral and well then we’re fucked again.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. you fucking pancakes.

75: tell us about your pets! MY CAT IS THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE SHIT, HE IS SO CUTE. AND LOVES CUDDLES. AND HIS FLUFFYNESS IS. i can keep going forever.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? its getting pretty late. i should sleep.

77: pink or yellow lemonade? mmmpink?

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? i hate them.

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? im trying to think of one. but my memmory is shit atm.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? just white. makes it look bigger.

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. NEBULAS

82: are/were you good in school? soommeeetimessss

83: what's some of your favorite album art? I do like GACKT his album art tho. the costumes he wears are nice.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? i have been thinking of this design of a music G thingy that looks like a cat. its really cute. but i cant even commit to where i put a sticker let a lone where to put a tattoo.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? i have quite a lot of constantine comics, to satisfy the fact that the series quit after 1 season.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? no idea

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? stonehenge appocalpyse

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? not sure

89: are you close to your parents? *crying sounds*

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i love all cities except the one i live in. Im such a slut for older building and architecture. old gothic churches man. oh my god.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? france, for sad stuff, and i hope to see my german potato this year <3 if i can make it...

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? SMOTHER THE FUCKER IN CHEESE.

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? just long, straight now. or either in like a clip. when its to hot to have it all down.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? i saw on my calander at internship that one collegue had his birthday today.

95: what are your plans for this weekend? convention staff meeting on saturday, looking into something for sunday..

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? *hysterical laughter*

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? no idea, leo, huffelpuf

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? in germany i think. to long ago. i love mountains, and walks, and beaches.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. PIANO’S

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the past to kill myself. :”D absoluutly.

#blep

2 notes · View notes

momo-de-avis · 7 years

Text

Yall have no CLUE the intellectual death match between historians and art historians that has been going on in the past two weeks in portugal, never would i have imagine to live in a time when I could witness a good old intellectual blood bath, it’s amazing

long post below about the best academic shit-throwing ive ever witnessed since the saint vincent panels

So first, way back in the 90s, a painting was found depicting what art historians believed to be a street in Lisbon. Half the people thought it was legit, but a couple guys thought it wasn’t. Books were published and said historians thought the whole deal was sketchy af. Apparently some lab analysis was done but I dont think those were ever made public. Seeing as this painting became something sketchy, Joe Berardo, the guy known for collecting art like a kid collects postcards, got the painting through a bargaining.

Now we have a problem with unique paintings. THis thing depicted a street of Lisbon in the 16th century which is no only rare, it’s pobably one of a kind, so we immediatly start taking names out of a sorting hat and fit whicheever painter we think looks the most likely. That’s what lead art historian that we are going to call Paul is known for so then these guys go “it’s gregório lopes” with no basis to support it. But a couple of other guys think it’s a fake, which is shocking. Incuding investigator we are going to call Ted. Ted thinks its fake

Fast forward to 2017 when the main museum of art in Lisbon schedules an exhibition for this month (it was yesterday) featuring said paintng AND another one that looks like it. That second one was found in London in an antiquary or something and according to an art historian it was bought by Rossetti. Credible, but no basis for supoprting that argument. Now Ted and Paul are both out of action and so these two guys, HISTORIANS not art historians come forward and write and article just outright saying it’s a goddamn fake. We’ll call them Jon and Don.

Then the museum people get pissed af. People start whispering ‘oh my gawd are they really hosting a fake?” but worse than that the art historian ego is wrecked and art historians come riding like fucking KNIGHTS in defense of each other. Because what the HELL does an historian know about art anyway.

Then the MINISTER OF CULTURE steps in and says ‘yall gonna have to send that to a lab and shut up’. Problem 1: they were already in a lad, and problem 2: to send them in again one needs authorization from the owners. Then the director of the museum, let’s call him Chico, says the paintings are real, and to top it all, he says that the lab analysis results will need to be evaluated. Now Don is fucking FUMING. Because what does that mean - challenging LAB RESULTS??!! WHO DARES

Then the exhibitions goes on as planned. It opened yesterday and as you might have guessed tons of people went cause SCANDAL.

Meanwhile a new article by an art historian comes out. The basis for saying the paintings are fake are three rather pathetic argumetns: 1, the painting features a free dog with a collar which was apparently unheard of; 2, the painting has a woman with balloon like sleeves cut in bits, which wasn’t of its time (lol), and 3, and this is the kicker, it has a black guy wearing the Santiago Order cross, which didn’t happen.

The black people depicted in it are the beauty of this whole thing. Don here wanted to be so politically correct he says that the painting is racist (there’s a scene of a black guy dropping a bucket on his head) and it’s a racist parody made in the 20th century. But then art historians go, dude you know jack shit about art, and explain to him that the racist parody was seen through the eyes of a possible northern painter - and we all know northern 16th painters are racist - as a shock before a city that had so much multiculturalism such as lisbon. Which is why there is a black man on a horse wearing the cross of the santiago order - because apparently that IS a HISTORICAL fact. So our man Don here was trying so hard to be anti-racism - calling the museum and th exhibition an exotic tour and accusing it of resorting to racist tropes to attract tourism - that he ended up being kinda racist by assuming a black guy could NEVER be armed knight

and this new dude in the conversation just WRECKS him a new asshole. And in the meantime he reminds that back in the day Ted guy didn’t believe it was a real painting but changed his mind, and that everyone is amking up shit as they go along, and yall are racists. And explains why historians cant keep looking at paintings like they’re factual - because theyre see n thought the eyes of a painter, sometimes outside of the social occasion upon which it was made. in this case, a racist northern painter who was so shocked at a black man being armed knight that he decided to include it along the racist 16th century jokes.

meanwhile my prof came out basically telling ‘historians have no clue how the whole thing processes and ya lab analysis tell us jack shit except a couple of things about the paint and the wood’ and everyone has got their knickers in a twist.

art historians are fucking PISSED. it’s a fucking academic wrestlemania and i am LOVING IT

20 notes · View notes

trendingnewsb · 6 years

Text

Glenn Close: You lose power if you get angry

From vengeful mistress to Agatha Christie matriarch: the actor talks about Harvey Weinstein, mental illness and growing up in a cult

Glenn Close and I sit at the corner of a large boardroom table in an intimidatingly minimalist office on the 14th floor of a Los Angeles talent agency. Its the kind of environment in which Patty Hewes, the ruthless lawyer Close played in Damages for five seasons, would feel at home and Im almost waiting for her to stand up, slam both hands on the table and shout, Ill rip your face off or any of the other terrifying put-downs that defined her double Emmy award-winning performance.

But Close is in high spirits and radiates such warmth I barely notice the chill from the tower blocks air-con. After we fiddle with the settings on our swivel chairs, which are so high they make anyone under six foot kick their legs like a child on a swing, the 70-year-old, six-time Oscar nominee and star of stage, television and film starts telling me about her dreams. I have had a lot recently, full of this wonderful love for a younger man. The dreams just keep coming and I wake up thinking, that was wonderful! It wasnt necessarily us doing the sexual act, just the feeling of love.

With her white hair cut to a sharp crop, and wearing a relaxed navy blazer, chinos and black scarf on account of the arctic corporate temperature, she looks stylish and fit. I have never felt better in my life, and I am, like, 70, she says. Im really a late bloomer.

She says she feels a disconnect between how she sees herself and how people may view me when I walk down the street, like: Theres an old lady. You know, there is now this cult of the model. Everyone on the red carpet is made into a model. That is very hard to not play into I have a bit of podge I am trying to get rid of, but its hard. I just think, Oh fuck, Ive been doing this my whole life! But the irony is, you just get better and better with age. You dont feel less alive or less sexy.

In Agatha Christies Crooked House. Photograph: Nick Wall

We are here to talk about Crooked House, the Agatha Christie adaptation debuting on Channel 5, before its theatrical release, in which Close plays Lady Edith, a matriarch of a very dysfunctional family. Close says, Christies grandson came to the set and he validated the fact that it was her favourite book, and the one that had never been adapted. He said when she handed it to the publisher, she was told she had to change the ending, because it was too upsetting and controversial. She refused. Its still pretty controversial.

This production, co-written by Julian Fellowes, might not be as spendy as Kenneth Branaghs $55m Murder On The Orient Express, but the ensemble cast is equally starry: joining Close are Gillian Anderson, Max Irons, Terence Stamp and Christina Hendricks. Close presides over her co-stars with gravitas and grace, in an understated performance that finds the humour in an otherwise bleak setup. But youd expect nothing less from the actor whose 40 years in the business started with star turns in Broadway productions (she won a Best Actress Tony in 1983 for Tom Stoppards The Real Thing). Her first film role, at the age of 35, was with Robin Williams in The World According To Garp, for which she received an Oscar nomination as she did for her supporting roles in The Big Chill and The Natural. Her performances in Fatal Attraction, Dangerous Liaisons and Albert Nobbs, about the life of a transgender butler in late 19th century Ireland, which she also co-wrote, racked up further Oscar nominations but still no win. This is seen by many as a travesty: Close brings a precision to her film work, honed through her years on stage. She has that rare taut quality Jack Nicholson also has it where you believe that beneath the steely control she is capable of snapping at any moment.

It was this that led Andrew Lloyd Webber to cast her in 1993 as the tragic silent movie star Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard on Broadway. Close reprised the role 23 years later, getting her old costumes out of storage (she has kept all her costumes and recently donated the collection to a university in Indiana) for its revival in Londons West End.

As Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction: Clearly she had mental health issues. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

But it was her Oscar-nominated turn as Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction in 1987 that proved career-defining. Thirty years on, Close still counts Forrest as the character of whom she feels most fond; she has admitted to fighting tooth and nail against the films eventual denouement, which turned the character into a bunny-boiling psychopath and Close into the casting directors go-to woman on the verge for years afterwards. Now we have the vocabulary to talk about these things, clearly she had mental health issues, she says.

Close sits regally still as she speaks, emphasising her points by leaning forward and locking eyes. Shes comfortable with silences and often takes a theatrical beat or two before answering questions. Shes all poise and control, but does she ever lose her temper?

I express my feelings quietly. I am not afraid of confrontation, but I am not particularly good at it. If I get attacked, I am not good at attacking back. There is fight, flight and freeze and I tend to freeze. That is not a strength of mine. I love the fact that my daughter Annie [Starke, an actor] is more of a fighter than I am. She doesnt let people get away with shit. While she agrees that women have a harder time being angry, publicly, than men, she says, I have played a lot of characters, and actually anger makes you lose power. Patty Hewes [in Damages] she hardly ever lost her temper, but when she did, it was very specific. I have always felt you lose power if you get that angry.

The collective outpouring of anger among women in Hollywood right now is something of which Close is acutely aware. She says that sexism in the industry has shifted more slowly than it should have done throughout her career: It took Harvey Weinstein and someone calling him out [for real change to happen]. I know Harvey, and he has never done that to me, but people would say he was a pig. I never knew that it was that bad and I dont personally know anybody who has endured that. I would like to think that I would have done something about it.

We discuss whether its possible to separate the work from the personalities involved in it. News has just broken that House Of Cards will be back for another series without Kevin Spacey, after it was originally canned because of harassment claims brought against its leading man. Close wraps her scarf around her chest and fixes me with her electric eyes. Artists, to make a huge generality, walk on a very thin line. Sometimes, like my beloved friend Robin Williams, who was one step away from madness, whatever makes them a great artist also makes them very complicated human beings. Again, that doesnt mean they can prey on and abuse people.

With Harvey Weinstein in 2013. Photograph: Mike Coppola/Getty Images

At the root of the problem of sexism in Hollywood right now is, Close says, biology. I think the way men have treated women, from the beginning of time, is because they have different brains to women. So I am not surprised by it at all. I say to a guy, Tell me the truth, if you see a woman walk into a room, what is the first thought that goes through your head? His answer, always, is, Would I fuck her? It doesnt mean they act on it. If you can evolve into a society where men know that they should not always act on it then there has been a positive revolution. But you cant just say that theyre not going to have the thought that is ridiculous. It also has to be the women, who are not powerful, to be OK to say no and leave the room. I think its unrealistic to say were going to change but we have to evolve.

I ask Close who she thinks is a great man today. She is silent, thinking, for what feels like a full 60 seconds in which I am so tempted to throw out some options: Barack Obama, the Pope, the friendly security guard on reception who let us in

Nelson Mandela, is her final answer, but Im not sure shes convinced. I guess for me, she says, greatness is taking your humanity and still doing the good thing. Its sad to say that there are very few men, who are leaders, who have some sort of moral code that they dont deviate from because of popular opinion.

She thinks we are undergoing a crisis of masculinity: In the public mind, yes. I was outraged when I heard that there was a war against men I was like, are you joking? What do you think has been happening against women for centuries?

Close knows all too well about the misuse of power, because her own upbringing was, as she puts it, complicated. When she was seven, her parents joined a cult. Moral Re-Armament or MRA was a modern, nondenominational movement founded by an American evangelical fundamentalist which extolled the four absolutes: honesty, purity, unselfishness and love. Her father, a physician working in the Congo, sent Close with her brother and two sisters from the family home in Greenwich, Connecticut, to live at the MRA HQ in Caux, Switzerland (Closes mother, Bettine, was a socialite).

She is vague on the details but clear on the impact this experience had on her as a teenager: I was repressed, clueless and guilt-ridden. The timeline is patchy, but Close travelled with MRA in the 60s as a member of their musical groups, and spent time back in Connecticut at an elite boarding school. I had a wonderful time at Rosemary Hall, a girls school, she says. I was in a renegade singing group called the Fingernails: A Group With Polish. But she remained, as she calls it clueless. A lot of my friends knew boys youd have these horrendous dances with boys schools and they would get the guys they wanted and I would just stay with the person I was with.

As Patty Hewes in Damages. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

She was briefly married before going to university. It is a complicated story for me. I was married before college, and kind of in an arranged marriage when you look back on it, and my marriage broke up when I went to college, as it should have. I was 22. But my liberal arts school had a wonderful theatre that was my training, my acting school.

Was that where she finally learned about sex, popular culture, the ways of the world? Not really, she says. I still am learning.

Close has two sisters, Tina the eldest, and Jessie her younger sister; and two brothers, Alexander, and Tambu Misoki, who was adopted by Closes parents while living in Africa. At the age of 50, Jessie spent time in a psychiatric hospital and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a weight that had been hanging over the family, undiscussed, for years. Talking about mental illness just wasnt done, Close says. You dont have a vocabulary for it and youre also very aware of appearances. You dont want to appear a crazy family.

In 2010 Close founded Bring Change to Mind, a charity that aims to end the stigma around mental illness by talking openly about it and its effect on families. It was my nephew who was first diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. This is basically schizophrenia with an ingredient of bipolar. And when that happened, it was like, What? My sister Jessie, his mother, didnt know what was wrong. He went to the hospital for two years and that saved his life. Then Jessie was, finally, correctly diagnosed herself.

With sister Jessie in 2009. Photograph: Getty Images

Close felt a duty to her family to give them a high-profile person who is not afraid to talk about it publicly. It affects the whole family. We always knew my grandmother and mother had depression my sister does, I do to a certain extent. But I didnt know my great-uncle had schizophrenia. I knew my half-uncle died by suicide. There was a lot of alcoholism addiction, self-medication. Nobody ever talked about it. I knew my grandmother was depressed, but at first I thought she lived in a hotel, not a hospital, because she always said how good the food was.

Close says she and her siblings are of one mind politically, but admits she does have members of her family who voted for Trump. I tried to understand that. Theyre not crazy people who have been brainwashed by Fox News, but I try to understand the anger, because I think that has been building up ever since Watergate. It was watching that scandal unfold that made her realise Americans have always been naive, we just take for granted what we have, and we always thought of our leaders as good people. With Watergate, people became cynical about government.

Today, she says, Washington is a bunch of self-serving She searches for an expletive and after a second settles on men. She says, Its hard to believe that people are so out for themselves. It goes against what you would like to believe about your country. I feel eloquence is incredibly important for a leader, and we had that with Barack Obama, who made his initial impact because he gave that incredibly eloquent speech, but he lost his eloquence in his presidency. We always need someone to say, I hear you, someone who can put their words into unity and hope and we dont have that. I think the last person may have been Robert Kennedy.

And now you have Trump tweeting nonsense.

Its devastating. Social networks are now like our nervous system, and if you keep pumping that kind of crap into the nervous system, it is going to have an effect on a population.

With Kevin Kline in The Big Chill. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

Close doesnt talk politics with her friends because she doesnt really have many friends. I have always forced myself into situations I am not comfortable in. I am an introvert, and I was painfully shy as a child. I think I still have a big dollop of that in my persona. I read a book called Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Cant Stop Talking and it was a real comfort to me I realised I was that person I had always been. And it was at that point I told myself to stop pushing myself into situations that I dont enjoy. I dread cocktail parties.

She tells me shes pretty reclusive and can count her closest friends on two fingers. I ask if shes still good friends with Meryl Streep.

I have never been close friends with Meryl. We have huge respect for each other, but I have only done one thing with her, The House Of The Spirits.

I apologise for assuming they were pals, being of a similar age and stature in Hollywood, and admit this negates my next question: Who would win in an arm wrestle, you or Meryl?

Close laughs. Oh, I would, because I am very strong.

***

The tightest bond Close has is with her only daughter Annie, 29. Annies father is the film producer John Starke whom Close dated for four years from 1987, but never married. Annie was never a door-slamming, difficult teenager. Close tells me: When my Annie was three, she looked at me, and said, I want you. I knew what she meant. I, at the time, was a single working parent, sometimes even when I was home, working or producing something, I was there and not there.

With daughter Annie Starke in 2010. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

She doesnt think its any easier for working mothers today and acknowledges, I had it easy because I could afford to have help think of the women who cant afford it and have to put their child in some shaky childcare centre. No, I think it is incredibly hard for women. Any person, in any profession, feels that tug [of guilt]. We discuss the intimacy of the single-parent, only-child bond. Once, I went to vacuum Annies car seat as we were moving house, and a lot of life had happened there, so I was crying. She said, Mummy, are you OK? I said, Yeah, Im OK. And she said, Here I am.

She was married to businessman James Marlas from 1984 to 1987 and then, following other relationships, including that with Starke, she married again, in 2006, to venture capitalist David Evans Shaw, divorcing him nine years later.

Would she marry again?

I dont know.

Does she think marriage is important?

I think it is a positive evolutionary component that we are better with a partner. I think to have a partner that you can go through life with, creating a history with, that you can find a comfort with, have children with there is nothing better. This is an opinion I have come to very late in life, at an ironic moment, where I dont have any of that. I dont know if I will again. But I do think its a basic human need to be connected.

Despite this, shes happy on her own right now. This is a good time in life. I do think, what would it be like to have a partner again? But it would have to be very different from what I had before. Then I have that great dream and wake up happy.

Crooked House is on Channel 5 at 9pm on 17 December.

Commenting on this piece? If you would like your comment to be considered for inclusion on Weekend magazines letters page in print, please email [email protected], including your name and address (not for publication).

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/film/2017/dec/16/glenn-close-harvey-weinstein-mental-illness-cult-fatal-attraction

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2npFUB4 via Viral News HQ

#IFTTT #Viral News HQ

0 notes

detroitbecomerain · 6 years

Text

Love is not compatible - Chapter one

Y/N was born in a world without androids. When she was ten, Chloe, the first android was created. Is this why she is sympathetic to the android cause now? How will she handle hunting deviants with her partner Hank and the new android Connor sent by Cyberlife? Humans and androids aren't meant to bond are they? They simply are not compatible.

"Y/L/N, Y/N. Age 26. Born 5/23/2012 Detroit. Lived in a community home from the age of 15. At 18 joined the academy of policing. Currently the partner of lieutenant Hank Anderson. Female pronouns

Wattpad link

Y/N was a human. She was born in Detroit in the year of 2012 when the world was new to the world of artificial intelligence. People would scoff at the idea of AI. 'It would never be possible' the people cried out but in 2018 a man named Elijah Kamski founded a company called Cyberlife with the promise he would create the perfect android with the use of Thirium 310 and he followed his promise. Within 4 years he created the first android to pass the Turing test. Her name was Chloe. That happened in 2022 when Y/N was 10 years old. She had lived in a world with out androids and now she was living in a world where they were everywhere. But, the epidemic happened. There was a huge surge in a drug called red ice. It was commented that where the androids went, red ice followed. This was due to red ice and the androids 'blue blood' having the same ingredient. The more androids that were created the more and more people turned into addicts. One of which was Y/N's father. He lost his job because an android was created to do it better. He was angry at the world and he was angry at the androids. The first time he hit Y/N was when he heard her say thank you to one of those 'things'. "Here is what you asked for miss." The android, who Y/N will always remember, was called Jeremy. He was the android belonging to her best friend. It was her friend's birthday and he was giving her a piece of cake she couldn't reach from the dining room table. She took the cake from the androids hand and said something her father just could not stand. "Thank you Jeremy." He screamed so loudly. The parents all turned their heads to the man who looked like the ghost of himself. He grabbed Y/N's hand and pulled her from the house. "Dad, please, you're hurting me!" she cried. It was only a few minutes walk to their house. He opened the door and slammed it behind him. "How you dare you say thank you to that thing!" "But Daddy! You told me to always say thank you to people who do something for you!" "It is a thing. Not a person. Its because of things like that we have to wear second hand clothes. That we eat scraps. And you treat it with respect?" "But dad, it wasn't Jeremy who took your job." And he hit her. It was the first time he had done it. But it certainly wasn't the last. When the Red Ice Task force came to their door in 2027 and raided their house some girls would be terrified but at 15 after years of abuse of her father she was relieved. The police took her father away and she cried. She cried tears of happiness and she swore she would protect others from people like her father the way that the Red Ice Task force had protected her.

Now at the age of 26 she was working with one of the men who had saved her that night 11 years ago. Although he had become somewhat the end of jokes and punchlines at the police station she would always view him as a hero. And he hated that. It was raining quite heavily. Y/N was stood outside the house her and her partner Hank had been assigned to, to investigate. He was late as usual. She looked at her wrist and saw it was almost midnight. It was going to be a long night especially since Hank hadn't turned up yet. With a sigh she turned into the house. She couldn't figure out what was worse. The smell inside or the cold rain outside. With her shirt tucked over her nose she stayed in the house where it was slightly warmer. Time passed and she heard his voice booming from outside. "It's with me!" What was with him? "What part of stay in the car didn't you understand?" "Your order contradicted my instructions, Lieutenant." A calm and collected voice Y/N hadn't heard before replied. There was no mistaking it. No human spoke like that. Hank was with an Android. He didn't speak a lot of the past but she knew of his hatred of androids. Why would he agree to work with one? The answer of course was, he didn't. "Evening Hank!" the scene of crime officer said stepping out of the house. He was going to give Hank the same speech that she had gotten when she first arrived. It was nothing that was already on the notes they were given when assigned the case. But come to think of it. Hank probably didn't even read the notes. "Jesus! That smell!" the 'Soco' shouted when he walked into the room. "Trust me Hank. It was worse like an hour ago before we opened the windows." Y/N chuckled. Her voice still muffled by her shirt. He looked at the girl and raised an eyebrow. "Y/N if you cant handle the smell then maybe you shouldn't be here." He was teasing. He never meant any harm really. Her eyes slowly moved to the man, or should she say the android who looked like a man, who was stood next to Hank. He took a step forward. "My name is Connor. I'm the android sent by Cyberlife." No matter how many androids she saw. She was always amazed at how life like they always looked. She guessed that why 'American Androids act of 2029' passed. All androids needed to have an LED on their temple, they all needed to wear specific uniform with their model numbers on and a bright blue arm band. "Officer Y/L/N. But everyone calls me Y/N. Sometimes they even call me Rookie" She held her hand out and Connor slowly reached up and shook it. "Rookie. A nickname yes?" his LED had began flickering an amber yellow as he processed new information. "Yes." Y/N confirmed. "Often given to humans or animals as a term of affection." "I guess so." She shrugged smiling. "Which would you prefer I call you?" he asked. "Y/N is fine Connor." His LED went from it's yellow back to blue. "Will you stop flirting with the android and get over here?" Hank shouted. "How is introducing yourself flirting Hank? I don't know how they did it in your days but telling someone your name is just telling someone your name." "Excuse me Y/N. I don't mean to correct you but I am a machine. Not a person." She looked down at the floor. She had called him a someone. She thought back to her father and walked over to the body leaving Connor confused to what he had done to cause such a reaction.

"The victims name is Carlos Ortiz." The soco continued now that Y/N had joined Hank next to the body. "He has a record for theft and aggravated assault. According to the neighbours he was kind of a loner. Stayed in most of the time and they hardly ever saw him." "With the state he's in. Wasn't worth calling everyone out in the middle of the night." Hank observed. With his comment setting off a yawn from Y/N. "I must admit I would rather be in bed right now." She admitted. When she pictured her night, she didn't imagine a 3 week old, corpse which had began to decompose. "There is a kitchen knife over there. Probably the murder weapon." Y/N was looking around the room. She had heard and read all of this when she got here. She kept looking at the android who was looking around the room so meticulously. As if he was seeing things they couldn't. She was intrigued. She had heard that androids were becoming more adaptable to more and more jobs but she didn't think that one would become a detective. "I'm sorry Y/N." Connor said. "I did not intend to distract you." "Oh no. I'm my fault. Sorry. You are the first detective android I've seen. You are fascinating." "I am a prototype. The first of my kind. As we have never met it is logical that you have never seen an android like me. I specialise in deviants. Which is why I have been assigned to this case to work alongside yourself and the Lieutenant." The conversation had obviously come to an end as Connor bent down to look at the murder weapon. She looked and Hank. Why had they been assigned to this case and why were they in charge of a prototype android that probably was worth more than their pay checks put together. Connor put his hand on the knife smearing the blood on his fingers. "Connor?" Y/N said in horror. He was disturbing the evidence. But neither Y/N or Hank could have guessed what he would do next. He placed his bloodstained fingers against his tongue. "Ah Jesus! What the hell are you doing?" Hank shouted. "I'm analysing the blood." Connor replied. Almost patronising. "I can check samples in real time. I'm sorry," he apologised. "I should have warned you." "Okay. Just don't... don't put anymore evidence in your mouth got it?" Hank gestured to the crime scene with his hands. Connor mimicked with his own hands. "Got it." "Y/N. You keep an eye on him. Make sure he actually follows on what he says. I did tell him to stay in the car and guess what." Connor looked at Y/N. He analysed her face.

Y/L/N, Y/N. Age 26. Born 5/23/2012 Detroit. Lived in a community home from the age of 15. At 18 joined the academy of policing. Currently the partner of lieutenant Hank Anderson.

Connor stopped looking at Y/N and began walking away from her. Hank gestured with his hands for her to follow him. She followed him into the kitchen. Furniture was thrown all over the room. The main fight must have started here. But what would cause the fight? Androids don't hurt humans. Or at least they aren't supposed to. She heard Hank say words that still made her flinch. "Red Ice. Looks like our friend Carlos likes to party." She looked around the kitchen and the mess made sense. The side effect of red ice was poor anger management. Maybe the android fought back? Self defence? Do androids fight back? "What is on your mind Officer Y/L/N?" Connor asked. "If Carlos was on Red Ice. He would have attacked his android. Its common for those taking the drug to attack the nearest person... or android." She quickly added. "Maybe the robot was just defending himself. Itself." "You seem to have problems distinguishing between machine and human Officer Y/L/N." "No Connor. I just don't treat androids like the scum of the Earth like some of my people do. To me Androids are, shes, hes and they." "Noted. And through my analysis I believe you are correct." He was silent then asked. "May I ask a personal question Y/N?" "Hit me." She said absent mindedly. "It is not in my program to harm a human being." "No, I mean... it's an expression. It means, go ahead. As me your question." "When the lieutenant mentioned Red Ice. You flinched. Why?" his LED was flashing yellow. Y/N sighed. "Connor. Something happened in my past that I don't really want to talk about. This case is, pretty tough. Brining back memories I don't want. That's all I'll say. If you don't mind. I'll go report back to Hank. Don't put anything in your mouth okay?" before Connor could say anything Y/N walked back into the room Hank was in. "If its okay with you big guy I'm going to step outside for a moment." Hank took her by the shoulder and lead her away from human ears and said quietly. "Is it too much? I can ask to be reassigned." "No, no Hank. It's because of this stuff I wanted to become a cop. Just like you. But... I'm conflicted. If what I believe the events to be is correct, the android acted in self defence. How can I peruse someone who was fighting for their lives in a way that I never did. This android acted more human then I ever did." "If you acted the way this android did hun, we would have sent you to jail rather than your old man." "And that would be different from the community home you sent me to how?" she jokingly replied. "I still don't understand why you have so much affection for these things?" Hank looked over his shoulder as Connor re-entered the room. "Hank. Androids became a thing when I was 10. I'm 26. That's almost half of my life I spent with out androids. I'm not old enough for androids to steal my job and I'm not young enough to see them as mindless slaves. If slavery is illegal why create them in our image. Why not make them... look like monkeys or something. Not that I would like that either..." their conversation was cut off. "28 stab wounds." Connor said. Connor continued to tell Hank everything he had figured out. "Well. Your theory's not totally ridiculous. But it doesn't tell us where the android went." "It was damaged by the bat. And lost some thirium." "Lost some what?" Hank asked. "Blue blood." Y/N whispered to Hank. "I thought you knew all about it since it's in Red Ice." Hank's cheeks slightly turned red out of embarrassment. He should have remembered that. "Correct." Connor commented. Y/N grinned to herself. "Smart ass." Hank grumbled. "Thirium evaporates after a few hours and becomes invisible to the naked eye." "Oh." Hank said realising what Connor was going to say next. "But I bet you can still see it cant you." "Correct." Connor repeated. "Cool." Y/N said. "So you can find him?" Connor nodded and began walking in a direction Y/N presumed was the way the blue blood went. "I thought you wanted to go outside." Hank said. "Yeah. But then Connor said he can see invisible things. I want to see if he can really follow it." So Y/N and Hank began to follow Connor when they saw him grab a chair. "What are you doing with that chair?" Hank said. "I'm checking something." Connor replied before walking into the hallway. Chair still in hand. He placed it down bellow the attic and climbed on the chair before hoisting himself up. "Still going to follow him?" "Not up there I'm not." They waited and they waited. Until they heard Connor yell. "It's up here!"

#android #become human #connor #connorxreader #connor x reader #dbh #detroit #detroit become human #fanfic #fanfiction #detroit become human fanfiction #rk800

0 notes

somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

Text

i feel neutrally tired about all of this. you know, i’m not angry or sad or stressed, i’m just kind of tired of this whole routine. it’s become glaringly obvious that this man is very very spoiled and ungrateful.

yesterday was a fine day. he took me to the farm to get a pumpkin like i asked. he bought me food and was overall really nice and in a good mood - he was focused on pei and the things he would do or need for his trip. i felt comfortable and relaxed despite not even having weed and not having much sleep.

this morning when we woke up, we had sex and i went about my morning - made a tea, had a smoke and he had a shower. he asked his mother for the survey plans for their cottage in pei so he knew what to prepare for when he wanted to build this garage (the whole 6 month master plan’s goal). she said she would have to look. this set off a chain reaction - he went to look for a crock pot the family owned but he had never used ad couldnt find it immediately, when his mother offered cookig advice he freaked out ad then when she asked him about a few set of chores he was supposed to do, he freaked out again.

at this point i had literally spoken no words from when we had sex. i was just passively floatig throughout the house, gathering my things just to be organized. i went to look at what he was actually making and he said something like “i’m going to drive you home after this i want to do my own thing and i dont want to be around you”. to be fair, he couldve said “people” - i’m ot entirely sure what i heard but it more likely sounded like you. i simply turned around, got my bag from downstairs, got my stuff from outside and walked home. i did not even reply or say goodbye - theres not even a point. like i would get either some argument about how he said he would drive me home or a grunt goodbye; both still equally rude replies.

but i was kind of proud of how i reacted very immediately and without hesistation. i didt think like ~what would he want or ~whats appropriate to do. i just did what i wanted to do which was leave. it wasnt like oh i think id like to sped the day alone, do you wat a ride home - it was just ‘fuck off’ without being ‘fuck off’. and i don’t deserve that.

on top of this, during sex he asked outright if anyone else has touched me. not like ~oh no one else ca touch you or ~would you let anyone touch you - just outright ‘have you let anyone’ and its not a light thing. its not joking. if i said yes it would hurt and we’d probably stop. but the parameters he stil puts forth is that he “cant” cheat. but what about me? and why am i used like this? i literally spoke _no words_.

its very unhealthy. and i dont believe its about me. i’m glad ive come so far in personal relationships that i am able to seperate myself from them and not take things personally.and like i do feel “used” but its not like this is the absolute worst part of it. he said to me, “you havent been around long enough - this is what i do, im excited about something until im not and then i drop everything and go to the next thing” -- as if i havet been witnessing this the entire time weve been together. its all one exciting thing to the next and nothig is ever what its hoped to be.

and hes very negative. which i guess is a bit ironic coming from me. but everything - everything sucks. and like to its greatest pit of whatever terrible thing it could have. you know - “king of the losers”. acknowledging that “i’m” okay but its really just being on top of a pile of shit.

its just.. its getting too hard to remain optimistic about a future with him. whatever my life is doesnt affect him nearly as much as his does me. my whole life is built around being available to him and i was okay with this becuse it was like “investing” in a future i wanted to have. or i do want to have. i want a partner. some “family”. but i just dont feel optimistic like this is going to lead to idyllic happiness. not the way he sees it. and why should i spend my time following such a volatile perso who is unable to commit to anything. i guess it was easy to walk away because i thought like - what if i was across the country? what if i coulnt just walk away from this rude person and i was _stuck_? i dont want that and i guess if i dont want that, i dont want him. i’m just... too scared to live with him. like i want to live with him. i reall really do but everything in my being says omg no. no no no no. anyone i told that this was a thing would tell me absolutely do not move across the country with this person. its not like.. dont change. dont live somewhere else. its that this particular person is very ... not the right person to do this with. maybe i need to be a ifferent person too. maybe i need to be a very strong indpendent individual who works super hard and hustles lots of cash an then its all just fun and games and wooo life. but i cannot be dependent on this person. they are not dependable in any way shape or form. they are a fucking prayer. and in order for me to make such huge changes in life i would be very dependent on this person. especially right now. maybe in two years ill be a better version of me but the me right now would need a lot of hand holding an encouragement to make such drastic life changes and decisions.

if it was plausible to just get a nice apartment in this city together - great. thank you. not even long term, lets just exist with each other before making giant life decisions. thats a marriage. with no commitment. i cant. i just cant.

and you know - i’m very sympathetic. i know exactly what it feels like. to have no fucking clue what you want, where to go, what to do, who to be friends with, who to have a relationship with - i get it. i’m really confused too. and this is such a shitty time - i dont know if other times have been more shitty but this seems like a pretty shitty time after society going through so many wars in the past 100 years that have grown more powerful under the advancements and like we, collectively, are different people from 50 years ago so what was “right” and “good” 50 years ago is not relevant to today and we are floating without guidance. how do we survive now? weve evolved to a different mental state and we dont know how to nourish this. its like falling into great advancements with no mental capacity to understand their affect on the social psyche.

theyre right. the colective “they” - your parents have little to do with your chances. their social standing and coping amongst evolution to bring them to such standing has a lot more to do with your chances but if along the line you figure out your way of coping in evolution then you may rise above or find your own level of “happiness” which is mostly fulfilling basic personal needs. but when evolution continually transitions through different ways to fulfill these basic needs or possibly gives you even more ways to do this, it becomes more difficult to realize how you will find your way to cope in evolution. milennials are realy seen as weak and a joke; like re-branded hippies but focused on mental health and emotions, “refusing” employment to ‘feel better’ in life when there was a time when people just took any job because the only way to cope within that evolution was to exhance your service for money or boarding itself. thats not the case anymore. society evolved in such a way that this generation is capable of fulfilling may basic personal needs sometimes by just existing; perhaps their parents pay for food and shelter and provide them with clothing well into their “adult” years. many older generations started working to SURVIVE at 12 - 14 years old. our generation worked because “thats what you do” or to save up for an iphone. most of our grandparents worked to buy bottles of milk or to help the family or for their own vehicle but why save for one when your parents let you drive theirs anyways?

and again - it’s not the parents fault. it’s now easy in society for parents to do this. a large majority of parents, nd the majority leads the collective society. could my parents? no. but a lot of people around me did have parents that did this and my parents cared for me in other ways. society allowed them to breed children who would become introspective because they were no longer in such dire straits for survival. and older generations are upset about this - dont you know they had to want to die regularly to survive? why shouldt we?

so as we gain this introspective into ourselves and “new” psychological ideas come up and vast people are “diagnosed”, it becomes harder to accept things which harm our psyche. so we get a big rise in racial inequality and gay rights and things which seem “liberal” but is simply termed this way because some people - maybe a large amount even, could not refuse employment and worked to survive even in this era. that was the generational hand down - exchange your service for money or starve. and theyre not “in the wrong”. other things affect how you build your coping tools - where you live, the climate of politics etc. maybe you realy just had to do that and there wasnt time to invest in this modern evolution of introspection. you dont have time to look within when youre starving on the outside. so this resentmet and bitterness builds between these two sides which may even exist in the same generation but neither of them is wrong. should one work to survive? probably. animals hunt most of their lives. we should probably work to survive. no one can just be handed food ad shelter forever unless you’re a very unique and special person in royalty. and 99.9% of us are not. but should we also kill our psyche? animals dont deal with smart phones and insurance rates and credit scores and bankruptcy. they just go out and take what they want and our society has evolved past this. so we cannot just assume you just work to survive when survival has been complicated. it takes a higher level of thinking which wemay not fully even comprehend at this stage in the evolution.

i think psychology is very important because we dont understand why people are people. we dont know. we know why the sky is blue but we dont know why we are people. and not just psychology but science and the belief of how our being, our physical being on this planet came to be. we collectively have not agreed despite the very obvious misgivings of current theological theories.

how or in what way should you survive on this planet? why are we required to exist as we are in this society upon birth. like all of these rules and obligations an responsibilities of being a “good human” are placed on you for the rest of your life and all you did was be born. all you want are basic needs fulfilled but you cant even do that until you acknowledge the land you were popped out on to does not belong to you so you abide by these rules now whether you want to or not. and thats just government and law but on this deeper spectrum its an obligation to be a ‘good child’ a ‘good citizen’ - pay your taxes, go to work, have children, buy a house; these are the quest objectives. but why? i think our generation is not the first to ask why but the first in a very long long time to ask why are we doing it this way. not so much why are we here. many of us have decided for ourselves. but why are we livingin society in this particular way and what can we do to survive in a society which is not designed to really benefit anyone. its not about that homeless man geting up and feeding himself, its about taking responsibility to feed that person. animals do a better job at this and we feel we’re in evolved thinking.

society has become very convoluted and confused which has bred confusion in its most recent generation. ive lived a very unique life and yet feel the same way abou these things as my peers because the “temperature” of the environment is the same. its hot, we all know its hot an we’re trying to figure out ways to deal whether its running through a sprinkler, going to a public pool or looking ridiculous in a kiddie pool on your front lawn. it’s gross, it’s not a good time, no one wants to do anything and we’re not feeling it. and this evolution is like climate change. there is absolutely still people capable of coping under this stress, farmers still work, lumberjack still cut wood but theyre fucking miserable and they do it because theyre used to feeling like they want to die to survive. but its getting hotter and its getting harder and even though they feel it the only thing they know is to keep working until they cant anymore then die crippled and miserable. being popped out inexperienced and then thrown into a change which even the experienced are struggling with creates a lot of unrest. a lot of anxious and depressed people.

what do we do? what should we do? you cant change society you can only follow the ebb and flow like flock of birds or schools of fish. this is how we cope as humans, to live as a society. and if society is in upheaval it directly affects the ability to easily obtain our basic needs.

i used to feel envious of stupid people. like atleast they didnt ~know this shit. because this felt depressing. like being stupi would be easier and id be happier but those who choose to remain ignorant or passive hurt a lot and they struggle through some of the barest traps society has created durig this shitty time and now i feel sorry for them. spinning your wheels over and over, dragging yourself through the mud, throwing away money, living extravagantly and ignorantly but going absolutely no where. not going up, down, side ways - no where. i’m there too. i’m right there too on the train stopped at the station waiting to fucking go and we’re here nd we’re buying shit from the dining car and we’re chatting and excited but we’re not goig and we’re not really sure why and we’re all talking about why we’re not going but we’re still not going but hey atleast hey still got cookies.

no one person is driving the train either. its like a group effort where everyone on the train has to believe youre moving forward for it to start but if one jack ass thinks youre not, then its a complete halt.

life is hard but i dont think alot of people realize exactly how hard it is. im trying to learn to appreciate the little things. people with greater minds who had better understanding and less luxuries of the era coped with appreciating little things. taking bike rides in the fall in the nice downtown streets; it’s been a highlight of the season. painting in a studio this week; sure it was not glamorous or anything but i actively went out and created art with others. my room is neat and clean and organized. i did laundry with ease on my own time for free.

i wasnt upset i “had to” walk home. i apreciated the fall weather & buzz of halloween approaching, time to think without screens of distraction, exersize and activity, the ability to buy cat food & cat litter. im not angry about it. i’m tired of being angry about a train im not really driving. if i can never truly conceptualize what i want because of society why keep trying. why cry over spilled milk.

0 notes