#like i wanted to grasp something

[foolishnpd]

Me: I want thousands of eyes on my work, I'm dying if I can't have that, I want compliments on my posts

*gets it*

uhmmmmm actually i need personal love and attention from people I specifically deem as worthy to compliment me

*gets it*

hey actually i thinkh i'll jsut kill myself nothing is good enoguh

#lilyroaring #actually npd #actually narcissistic #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b things #cluster b vent #npd safe #mental illness #i have Issues #yay #girl i cannot get a fucking BREAK #i'm like #clawing andf grasping and screaming on the floor for attention #and then i get it and i'm like #'yeah actually this isn't exactly the perfect version of it that i want' #and i don't KNOW WHAT THAT PERFECT FORM OF IT IS!!!!!!! #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #why can't i just be like the other people i see in the npd tags that are like. 'yay minor compliments' #like no. NO. it's appreciated but it's WORTHLESS and i have no clue what is worth something either #at best i get like 3 seconds of dopamine and that's all i can wish for

[sweetbrier2908]

have you guys ever thought about how satan's personality is actually the combo of his 6 other brothers and somehow he's still unique in his own way and that somehow creates his charisma. just as i start making satan's moodboard and i start to realize man i love him so much it's hard to breathe.

i mean, he's like the most hard-working demon in the family, lucifer works because he has his responsibility and because he forces himself the perfect figure for the whole devildom and also because of diavolo the moment he realize no one watching him he immediately drop the whole responsible act; but satan works and studies and reads just because he loves doing things and learning. he never wastes a single opportunity to learn new thing. he loves art and beautiful things, just like asmo but at the same time, he doesn't care about his look, just like beel, and they both make asmo so mad because they seems like they can't realize how attractive they are. he loves to play pranks on lucifer with belphie but somehow he is also willing to take care for his brothers when they're wasted and constantly checked on lucifer when he lost his memory. he loves cooking for his family and even when his brothers make riddiculous request he still tries to satisfy them. he's maybe the most boring guy you've ever met, he's a nerd, he starts to talk like levi when he visits destinations from his favourite shows, he looks serious in his stundent id, and he's so intellectual and normal and you may or may not have already seen someone like him in your life. he's so normal, he has nothing stand out but his love for cat. his laptop is covered in cat stickers and he has a cat wallpaper on his devices. he's so normal. he acts normal unless when he's angry. he's decent. he's also popular. but at the same time, don't you guys find him adventurous? he loves trying new things, he meets people here and there and makes friend here and there. you will see him at some super fancy restaurant and you also see him on the bleachers of some sports game. he even manages to take his whole family to a film festival because of his connections. he learns new things everyday and he tries to experience as much as he can. he loves nature, he loves camping, he loves animal to the point he flooded the whole house with cats. he knows all the things about human world and stuffs but he's not allow to go there. i mean, satan character is just the combination of many factors and he's so normal but so adventurous and caring and i can picture him having a super peacful life until you figure out he used to go to war and maybe fighted with the dragons and owns a rich comany stuff like that.

he's just doing whatever he likes without caring about people's opinion and make him...like gosh...i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him.

p.s: one of my theory is that satan wasn't born from wrath (yes i know the devs confirmed that but wasn't lucifer so angry to the point he started a war and stripped out his wings because he loves his brothers and sisters so much he didn't want to see them hurt?) but actually he was born from the love lucifer has for his family so that's why you can see satan shares similarities with all of his brothers.

#obey me #obey me satan #satan is also a perfectionist #just like lucifer #obey me theories #obey me headcanon #i do love him so much #also i think satan character is so complicated but the the devs of obey me can't even grasp it #and that lead to there's always something missing about his story #that what i feel #im so happy that nightbringer did a better job in developing satan's characteristic and story #just a little bit better #so i want to write for satan as much as i can #i love my caring delicate gentle having anger issue daddy issue demon so much #obey me nightbringer #obey me swd #satan obey me

[nightwonder7]

Willow Don't Starve 🤝 Florian Identity V (this isn't a request i'm just saying i think they would be pyro bros)

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!!

Orphans ✅

Set fire to their orphanages ✅

Raging arsonists ✅

Together they would be a force to reckon with, that's for sure. Crazy how I ended up in both these fandoms.

#ask #fischotterkunst #dst #idv #I like to think they have somewhat different yet similar relationship to fire #for willow it was something that put an end to her nightmares and her awful life as an orphan #fire was her solution to all her problems and she continues to believe that #she finds it's pretty and she associates it with something positive #florian associates fire with miracles and wants others to experience what he went through #to him fire brings revelation and enlightenment #or he has a hero complex and likes the praise and saving people? #I don't know I haven't grasped florian's lore fully so forgive me #I guess in each their own sense they both see fire as a solution

[mintaikcorpse]

Me reading a fic where the person had an identidy realization that they were in he aroace spectrum and now they were figuring themselves out(I finally found something that understood me and a romance I could relate to after all these years)

#love loses! you're on the aroace spectrum and you dont fucking know what you are but you're definitely on the spectrum #but it's so hard to explain bcuz how do youve never had a real crush on someone but also have had platonic feelings for someone #and dont want to do the romance thing but also still want to have a queer platonic relationship and do romance things? #YOU DONT #IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE TO ME BUT I JUST KNOW #ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I CANT JUST GET CRUSHES ON PEOPLE IT TAKES YEARS I'VE ONLY HAD 1 CRUSH THROUGHOUT MY LIFE #AND I JUST WANTWD TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIM #I thought that was just me but the author was projecting and explained perfectly what i was going through #and ik i say “I cried” a lot when talking about something but i did actually cry #had to put my phone down bcuz it felt so nice to be understood #idk just venting and rambling lol #aroace #ace spectrum #gotta keep a journal on this bcuz i want to explain to people but it's so hard for even me to grasp #and i feel like they won't believe me anyways bcuz ive tried to himt st it but i just get weird looks #its annoying but it is what it is #aromantic #asexual #lgbt #queer #talking #rambling

[far-beyond-saving]

"'You're so different,' he says, shaking his head and squinting at me.

'I may have grown a few centimetres since I was eleven.'

'No, it's—' He stops himself.

I put down my phone. 'What? It's what?'

'You're more serious.'

I don't remember not being serious. As far as I'm concerened, I came out of the womb spouting cynicism and wishing for rain." (Oseman 73)

This is an analysis of Tori Spring and her unreliability as a narrator. It will be incredibly long, so I hope I do not bore anyone.

Lucas, as we know, had been Tori's best friend throughout elementary school. He had a dream, to chase after his childhood best friend and start a beautiful romance—which was nicely foreshadowed by the line: "'[The Great Gatsby is] about...' He pauses to think. 'It's about someone who's in love with a dream'" (72). However, he realizes that she wasn't the person he thought she was. Or rather, she isn't the person she used to be.

Alongside Lucas, there are two other characters that hint at the fact that Tori was never this pessimistic: Mr. Kent and Becky.

Near the beginning of the novel, Tori mentions how she and Kent know each other quite well because he has been her teacher for over five years. And, throughout the novel, Kent continuously shows his concern for Tori and her attitude towards life. It would make a lot of sense for him to be this concerned if he had actually seen life in Tori to begin with. Along with that, it is very clear that Tori is liked by the teachers, as stated by Becky on page 79. Again, it would make more sense for this to be the case if she was a different person when she was younger.

Finally: Becky. Throughout the novel, Tori feels incredibly jealous towards her best friend, and she feels the gap between them comes from the fact that Becky moved on while she stayed exactly where she was. However, during their argument after the Solitaire party, Becky says, "you've changed. I might have changed too, but you definitely have. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's true" (310). This completely contradicts everything Tori has told the reader.

The scene in which Tori reads her old diary illustrates my point perfectly.

"Up at the crack of 10:30am. Becky et moi went to the cinema today and saw Pirates of the Carribean (is that how you spell it???) 2 and OMG it was SO GOOD. Becky thinks Orlando Bloom is the fittest. Then we went to get pizza in the high street she had Hawaiian but obviously mine was plain cheese. YUM! She's coming round next week for a sleepover too. She says she needs to tell me about a boy that she likes!! And we're going to eat so much food and stay up all night and watch films!!!!!" (274)

It's very clear with the exclamation marks and enthusiasm in her tone that no, she was not born serious. Unlike now, Tori used to be genuinely happy to listen to Becky's relationships with boys. And—my favourite detail—the use of French in the second sentence. The word "moi" was almost always used by tweens as a quirky replacement for "me" (source: me. I used to use that word all of the time because I thought it was cute and silly. Gross). This is my favourite detail because of an earlier scene with Oliver when Tori says, "Are you suggesting that Charlie is better at Mario Kart than moi?" (63). Now, this could just be a coincidence, but I like to think that this is Tori's inner child being revealed to her little brother, especially because she would never speak to anyone else in that way. But, I digress.

So, I have now established how Tori has been unreliable with the way she describes herself, but what else has she been lying about? I think the most obvious answer is her hatred and lack of knowledge about literature.

Unlike everything I explained above, Tori does admit to lying near the end of the book, saying that books scare her because of how personal they feel. However, there are many things that contradicted her prior to this reveal. For example, her grades in her previous English class—as mentioned by Kent—and the way she used to read with Lucas.

After Lucas speaks about the books he is currently reading, Tori tells the reader, "I nod as if I understand. I don't. I don't know a single thing about literature despite studying it for A level" (72). Yet when Michael tests her on famous literary works, she is able to answer every question correctly, once again contradicting everything she has said.

Her unreliability is not deliberate, it comes from lies she tells herself. However, it seems like she knows the truth deep down. But I guess she is justified. After all, it feels better to say you were born serious than to admit to the damage the world has done to you.

#i hope this is worth something to someone #oh god this is quite long #nobody would want to read such an essay #i hope it does not seem like i am grasping at straws this #these are just things that i noticed #i tried to follow mla quotation rules but i know i broke them in many different places #because i am not actually writing an essay #forgive me #tori spring #solitaire alice oseman #becky allen #lucas ryan #michael holden #solitaire analysis #cynic.txt

[socksandbuttons]

ALEX HE'S DEAD

MY MAN but in all honesty we kinda already had this feeling. AS ATTACHED I AM... killcode hubby dead...

But i was almost right with how bloodmoon is reacting. Not satisfied at all.

Killcode absolutely tore through what had to be said about them as hurtful as it was.

#RIP ME 'I WAS NEVER UR FATHER' but #like listen theyre STILL going on about eclipse too #theyre literally grasping at whatever connection they have but not aware WHAT it is they need #this was a good way for bloodmoon to be told to his face without anyone being scared or USING HIMANYMORE #to straight up go 'yeah ur a tool for others ur literally nothing else rn' #and it obviously meant something to them esp from killcode #who they wanted to call false father but they literally expected a fight #they wanted a fight SO BAD but never got it #ANYWAY ILL BE RAMBLING LATERRR #sun and moon show spoilers #anyway *looks at my aus* killcode wont die there dont worry guys we'll have dadcode #ON THIS BLOGGG #garbage chocolate

[martyrbat]

special shout-out to disable people that have to reread a sentence or paragraph or even a chapter over and over again to understand it and to the people that have to rewind 40 minutes back in an audiobook because they haven't processed a single word that was said

#my attention issues vs wanting to read/liking stories #vs my processing issues that needs something physical and even then i struggle #vs this audiobook that has taken 4 hours to get 30 minutes in because i just cant fucking grasp it #clenching my fist and gritting my teeth as i remind myself its not my fault and not to get angry or frustrated but goddd

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry: #the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry. #and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think. #like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that. #and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her? #whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it? #how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions. #(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.) #when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know. #again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me. #on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything? #is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid. #either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over. #i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways) #but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about. #which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

[hgduo]

... Will you guys please let me talk about hgduo/gossipduo/mockingjays/ whatever they are called a little more pleaseeeeeeeeee, they make me unwell and I want to get my thoughts about them out of my head- or more specifically about them from Bad's point of view!

There's a familial air to it, but it's just not true to define it like that- and that doesn't make what they DO have any less powerful or significant- They have a unique bond and that continues to be true, even during painful times like this.

Cellbit WAS Bad's responsibility at one point, and that time came and went- he got him through the war and into adulthood ( aka 18 years old or close to it.) They meet again as old friends and generally respect each other as such... but even so Bad can't deny he still feels some duty to watch over the man once he starts crumbling- much like how Cellbit as well can't help but reach out to Bad during this time.

but there's limits.

like- Bad for years had and still wants to protect Cellbit, he's had an influence on him, he taught him how to survive, he himself acknowledges he has some responsibility over Cellbit, looking at Cellbit right now feels like looking in a mirror, he doesn't like having to give up on him, but if it's between him and the kids he's choosing the kids every time... and he knows there is no simple way to save someone who refuses to let themself be saved.

And it hurts! It hurts seeing Cellbit like this! It hurts having to let him burn! It hurts watching someone he cares for falling down the same path he is! It hurts knowing he's hurting others the way it did for him seeing Cellbit like this! It hurts having to choose his kids over his protege/ student/ former responsibility/ the kid he watched over years ago/ old friend/ his 'something'!

Like, cc!Bad brought up this internal mental tier list that q!Bad has- I still deeply believe that q!Cellbit is quite high up there even if he'll never be at the level his kids are at- like he loves Cellbit enough that he ACTUALLY CONSIDERED putting parts of his months long plan at risk to save him- even if it was just during the stress of that moment that still means a LOT from Bad- but he was always going to choose his kids in the end!

Based on what I know of q!Bad (which is admitably not a lot lol) there is next to nothing that'd convince him to give up on his kids- with Cellbit he's able to see that he can't help him because Cellbit sadly does not want to be saved- and for Bad that means he simply has to accept it even if he really doesn't like it- the emotions from that night have processed and he's looking at the situation from a more logical and resolute perspective. If it means him and Cellbit may one day clash, then with a heavy sigh so be it....

but if it was Dapper or Pomme... I just don't feel certain in saying he'd be able to come to that conclusion, especially not after one night. Even if it would be the 'smart' thing to do. It's one of the key differences between the dynamic he has with them vs Cellbit...

But, in a perfect situation, he would've done everything to save them both.

Anyway thanks for reading, posting this at hell hours so my beloved mutuals won't see my hgduo ramblings but tagging this anyway for other people to see LMAO-

#mockingjays #hgduo #gossipduo #qsmp #badboyhalo #cellbit #God it's honestly a major problem how in love with this dynamic I am because I rly don't feel like I know shit about Bad or Cellbit LOL #like I enjoy both of their characters a lot but I feel so uncertain about actually ever talking about them- I enjoy them a LOT #but I don't think I have the best grasp on them as characters compared to others- wish I did though! #esp. Cellbit despite having been in love with his character since he joined- hence why I talk more about Bad's point of view LOL #wish I knew more Portuguese so I could 'get' q!Cellbit more I love him </3 #I always feel scared talking about them because their other fans just get them way better then I do- I'm just hyperfixing over one aspect! #one last comment I do generally feel like they have a similar view of one another of like-but recently I feel like Cellbit wants to view Ba #as something closer to a parental figure- consciously or not- but he still doesn't see him as family- at least not in his past #They were two dudes doing whatever it took to survive- but still he was a child and Bad was the adult he looked up to! #longpost

[averlym]

miscellany (again),, tags in the last image by @pyrotechnicarus

#adamandi #vincent aurelius lin #quincy cynthius martin #ambrose wellington bassford #portia elizabeth harper #beatrix valeria campbell #bit of nonsense bit of sillies (ohhh she thinks she's so funny huh.. anyways the brainrot. out out out) #please don't ask me about them take them at face value laugh and move on or smth i keep worrying i've read them Wrong #these have been living in my head rent free for a week and i'm now evicting them politely #anyway i drew all these as scribbles in my sketchbook in-between exam week and today i wanted them out of my head. so digital it is #i've spent two hours on this haha as a. would you even guess. a break from the beatrix thingy i've been planning because that one's rendery #quiet little notes on this... um.. i have started drawing quincy (idk how!!!) #yknow after the last ambrose literal study. i'm kind of mad about the fact that doing an unintentional study Worked??? #like. he's the ONE character i have a grasp of how to draw. everyone else is 'randomly whack until you get the vibes and vague structural #integrity'. can we talk about shape language real quick though because ambrose is oval beatrix is circle quincy is rectangle #vincent is square and portia is triangle. that's how it is in my head. #texture wise. vincent is charcoal and graphite. ambrose is traditional painting blended. beatrix is crosshatching and ink. #quincy is like... marker? and watercolour. portia is digital and cell shading. i can't explain any of the correlations they just Are #for the. oddly detailed quincent i Wasn't intending to draw i had to pull up the musical and re-reference them. could draw one then not the #other?? so i struggled with quincy until i Got them and then i couldn't for the life of me get vincent right.... is it something about like #drawing one character at a time? like there's only room in my mind to understand one set of proportions at any given moment??? #a fun little fact was just that i began photo refs as always from hahnji jang's page (which has been? saved in my search autofill now??) an #i didn't even have to get a specific image of quincy being in angst. but for smiling vincent i had to purposefully find oh ms reporter #well! consider this yet another part in the trying to figure out how everyone looks like/vibes as/gets drawn as Characters #a secret little code i keep for the stuff i make now is that i need to have something about the drawn medium that makes it unique to itself #as like opposed to a gif or screenshot or photoedit. it has to have extra meaning. and this appears two ways: one is through Implications i #the more Finished stuff. (aka poster series?) and the other one is by engaging in Ideas (generally posts. or memes/incorrect quotes/etc.) #had a really really interesting convo with a friend irl about fanart and fandoms. they were really active for genshin and stuff and so the #experiences between large and small fandoms were fascinating to compare.. i think i prefer the .. intimacy(?) of just doing what i obsess #over instead of looking for the statistics and clout and notes now. the art i make feels more meaningful and intentional that way.

[skunkes]

i know i also already said this but i keep having art ""'realizations""" that read exactly like this post

#did u guys know drawing realistic proportions doesnt automatically mean the style is Realistic. its something else entirely #talkys #<- obvious stuff like that that my brain cant grasp for my own stuff #like ive been struggling drawing faces bc i dont want to do proportions that are too realistic bc thats boring #so ive been fucking up with worse wonkier faces instead #when proportions arent automatically what makes a piece Realistic or Boring or even Bad etc #well except in the case of my stuff actually being bad and devolving constantly but #you know #i guess its more like >sees artist drawing with realistic facial proportions but the art doesn't look realistic it still looks #stylized and cartoony and not boring >jaw drop

[jacketpotatoo]

Hey @thehomelybadger , thank you for breaking my heart

#the way I picked up my iPad and started drawing angst #caitlyn kiramman #vi arcane #piltover’s finest #caitvi #arcane #fanart #jacketsketch #(this was scheduled before chap 32 came out - I need to sleep so I haven’t read it yet but oh boy) #but I also want to say before I do - thank you. #thank you so much for telling this story. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest when I say it got me through a lot these past few months #it fueled my inspiration it calmed me down on bad days when I was beating myself up with stress it gave me something to grasp onto #I love your characters - every quirk and trait you’ve gave them and this world you’ve fleshed out #I hadn’t seen a second of ice hockey and now I’m looking up reference photos and trying to get the jerseys down #i love these guys and it pains me to be letting them go already - I can’t imagine how it’s like for you - but I’m forever grateful for this #wonderful thing you’ve created out of just the pure love for the characters and for hockey #I went into this thinking ‘hey what a lovely bedtime story’ #and I’m heading to its end forever changed and impacted by it for the better #so thank you badger - see you when I read the next chap

[zappedbyzabka]

Sacrificial lamb and all that

#baby baby baby #He said :( #and #he said ☹️ #The way Kreese stared at him and hovered like a hungry wolf ready to pounce the whole time #the way Johnny tried not to cry and sweat and went straight into the arms of his predator like he has for YEARS #because he’d been literally in Kreese’s hands. Given to him and left with him. for YEARS. #And the way he stared up at him so desperate and melted into his grasp #let him swipe his hurting nose and obeyed when he made him do something he didn’t want to #because who else does he have. And his mom wasn’t there. and he had to go home with bruises all over him and no one #to Sid. to be mocked and laughed at some more. to cry all alone in his bed thinking about how the man he trusted and loved hurt him #And I think Kreese was more jealous. murderously so. that Johnny clearly wanted to be on good terms with LaRusso rather than so mad he lost #and by the time he realized he went too far and he lost his little champion—whom he ‘loves most besides CK’—he decided to get revenge on #Miyagi and Daniel. because it’s THEIR fault he did that to johnny in the first place. he hates them both with a passion. HE was humiliated #in front of his boy and the rest of the cobras by Miyagi. and Daniel…he changed Johnny. he practically took him away from Kreese. #Man is delusional cause that’s 10000% how he sees things #and GOD the way he begs Johnny to come back in ck. and then hurt him more because ‘thats what was best for him’ #and Johnny moves away from his touch and stares at him like an abused animal but still lets him stay #because he still loves him despite everything #he knows Kreese is in his own reality and does love him. but he realized his worth to an extent #realized its not okay for Kreese to have done all those things to him #and brainwashed him #and he was being victim blamed the whole time Kreese came back to cobra kai #I cant. #I’m SCREAMING. everything was taken from him but it was his fault because he ‘shouldnt have let Kreese come back’ #Only unobservant idiots ignore the fact that he was abused his whole life just so they can hate on him constantly. #johnny lawrence #cobra kai #karate kid #Still love Kreese though

[extreme-technicality]

rotating Imogen and Ashton in my head like Beyblades

#technical talks #imogen temult #ashton greymoore #critical role #like. i just. #something about how theyre parallels and mirrors and so similar and so so different #theyre the purple twins #ik ik ashton was all 'ive always wanted a sister' @ fearnie but like he can have two sisters #as a treat yk #idk i just feel like the reason imogen isnt giving ashton as hard a time about the shard as everyone else (cough chetney cough) despite the #Massive Fucking Breakdown laudna had about it is bc on some level she Understands. like she Gets It #its about not having family and then theyre There and you could Touch Them and its like grasping at flames #ashton with the hishari and the shard is like imogen with her mom and ruidus #they are PARALLELS they are MIRRORS they are TWINS and i am smashing their issues together about it

[hecksupremechips]

God every day I think about Akane’s breakdown in door 3 because there really is no correct way to interpret that and every possibility makes me crazy. Like she sees this fucked up corpse whom Junpei (and the player, depending on how they play) believes is their friend Snake, but she knows that it’s Guy X. It’s a man she very intentionally put in the game for this very purpose, so that he could die horrifically and be displayed for everyone to see. And she has a full mental breakdown over being trapped in this room with the corpse, being trapped by Junpei, to the point where she rips out her hair and starts bleeding from how much she bangs on the door screaming to get out. And fuck, there’s so many possibilities like

Akane could be feeling genuine terror over the sight of the body, and with that remorse. She made this happen, she wanted this to happen, and now she’s forced to quite literally watch the damage she’s caused unfold. She can detach herself from his murder easily in other timelines where she doesn’t have to look at it, and she can sleep easy knowing that her hands are technically clean because she didn’t do the literal killing. But she can’t do that here, and she has to face the fact that not only did she happily cause this death, she failed her mission. She isn’t going to survive, and now this man is dead for nothing and everything is her fault

On the other hand, her entire breakdown could be completely fabricated in order to keep playing the role of the damsel in distress who is so innocent that the very sight of blood drives her to insanity. The interesting part about this is that if she could fake such a horrific breakdown, just how much of her personality a facade? We know she wants revenge, for everyone from Cradle to feel even an ounce of the pain she and so many others went through, but we don’t get to see the extent of how much she feels this way. We never hear directly from Akane about her feelings on any of the original organizers, just her note about her desire to punish them. She hates them, but does she see their deaths as a necessary evil, or does she feel joy and satisfaction at watching them go? It’s absolutely horrifying not knowing, not being able to see her true feelings, not knowing just how real or fake she is, the extent of her madness. Perhaps she doesn’t even know that herself

IN OTHER WORDS, it’s fucked

#zero escape #akane kurashiki #the truth lies somewhere in the middle im sure #but god both possibilities are so tasty #personally i think her reaction is fake to an extent like i think she does feel at least some joy over the murders #shes doing a good deed and ridding the world of evil #but i think that this is a rare moment where she actually thinks for a minute about what shes done and how its fucked #like shes never truly present in the moment she can never fully grasp the severity of the trauma #and i kinda want to believe that this route is a bit unexpected for her #like she had to have known it was a possibility but its entire existence relies on junpei betraying the others #and i think that she was ready to write it off as a rare possibility so she didnt worry about it too much #because the only thing holding junpei back from choosing door 3 is aoi saying that picking it would require leaving people to die #and akane has nothing but her trust that junpei is good and wouldnt do something so horrible to rely on #but then it happens and she cant handle the uncertainty she wasnt ready for ANY of this to happen #not only did junpei betray the others he betrayed HER in so many ways he doesnt realize #he did what he thought was good for june but its exactly the opposite hes not only damned her #but he trapped her in a room with the disgusting corpse that she put there and everything throws her off #and she has to confront that even junpei is unpredictable and is capable of evil and that she herself has fucked up so much #she cant escape this without literally STEPPING INTO the entrails of someone she killed #and its all just too much and she completely loses it #so yeah for me its less a mental breakdown cuz she feels bad for murder #but more a breakdown because shes been betrayed and caught off guard and has a brief realization of how terrifying her actions are #those may sound the same but they arent please guys please :( #as you can see im very normal about this and good god 999 is so fucking good

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

you know how in the first episode of Red Dwarf the computer creates a hologram of one of Lister's dead crew mates to keep him sane

the computer chooses who to reanimate based on who Lister has had the most social interactions with, but it's unable to distinguish between positive and negative social interactions

so it brings back the asshole Lister was constantly arguing with

anyway, I think about this every time I see someone on tiktok yelling in the comments of a video about how much they hate it showing up on their fyp

#lula's thoughts #lt #red dwarf #rd #tiktok #the algorithm can't differentiate guys #if you interact it thinks you want more #why is this so hard for people to grasp #I think they just like having an excuse to be angry about something