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bookaddict24-7 · 2 months

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REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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51. The Clue in the Diary by Carolyn Keene--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Four stars because I've been waiting to get to this one in the series. We finally meet Nancy's series boyfriend here and he is a very keen guy. So swell. LOL. To be honest, knowing that he becomes her series boyfriend made it all the more obvious because of his behaviour. While he wasn't the first guy to catch Nancy's eye, he's the one that was the most persistent.

The mystery in this was pretty good--it made me feel like I was watching a mystery show. I think it might be one of the more layered mysteries so far in the series. And I don't mean that in that it has multiple mysteries, but in the sense that it felt like it had more heart than some of the other books in the series (so far).

Anyway, this was the last audiobook at the library of this classic series, so I don't know if I'll be reading beyond this, but maybe one day I will.

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52. The Winter King by C.L. Wilson--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

I came across THE WINTER KING on Tik Tok and I remember thinking, "This sounds like a book full of tropes I'm going to love." I was correct.

Wilson has created a beautiful and fantastical slow burn of a romance where the spice and sexual tension may be immediate, but the romantic part of the story is a slower burn. And the best part is that while these two are coming together and pulling apart, there is an actual fantasy storyline happening at the same time. There was always something happening and it was all being told in dual POV, which I'm very grateful for.

I'm a sucker for a FMC who has always been underestimated and treated less than she deserves, only for her to prove everyone wrong and for things to finally go her way. This book was full of those moments and they were like catnip for me. The brooding hero making her feel like she isn't wanted, when he in fact is too scared to get close to her because he wants her? Yes please, melt me.

Also, the side characters were great! Especially a younger one that comes into the story later on. Everything just came together so beautifully and ugh, I'm so glad I finally read this.

I highly recommend this for anyone who wants a slowburn, but sexy fantasy novel that also has a pretty great storyline.

By the way, I went to bed very late last night because I kept adding ten more minutes to my audiobook timer. I couldn't stop listening!!

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53. The Language of Seabirds by Will Taylor--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE LANGUAGE OF SEABIRDS, right from the beginning, has this beautiful and nostalgic air to it. Over the span of a few days, we get to see the MC learn more about himself, what it means to speak up, and the power that words and actions can have. It also shows how infallible even parents can be when they are somewhat just as lost as we feel.

Dealing with divorce, a father who is acting differently than normal (given the circumstances and his one too many drinks), and that in between chaos of deciding what life will look like post-divorce, our MC's summer isn't off to the best start. When he sees a mysterious and cute boy running on the beach past his temporary summer home, it sets of a chain of events.

Their adventures (and misadventures) over those two weeks gave me the greatest sense of nostalgia for those summer nights that can only truly be experienced while being a kid. The ending took me out, emotionally, and had me teary eyed in bed at 330 in the morning.

Also, I want to say that this book is 100% a middle grade book because the characters are only 12, but this is probably one of the most beautifully written middle grade books I've read. It felt very literary and almost older than the intended audience--not because of content, it was all very age-appropriate--but because of that feeling it made me feel of summers lost, and the way the story is written and presented. I think this is a great book for people of all ages to read, especially those who want to reminisce on their first loves, especially those who couldn't pursue said first loves because sometimes there can be truly negative consequences, or simply the fear of acknowledging that love.

The author also included an author's note about what he wanted to invoke in this book and truly, he fully did his work. What a gorgeous and under-appreciated book.

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54. How to Bite Your Neighbor & Win A Wager by D.N. Bryn--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'll be honest: I never knew this book existed until I came across it on Libby. It looked fun (from the cover alone) and listen, who doesn't like a vampire romance now and then? I will say, though, that while this cover is very indicative of the emotion between these two characters during this act, this book was surprisingly...not what I was anticipating?

I thought this book would be spicier and just MORE. By the end of the book, I felt both relieved and a little let-down. Relieved because I was counting down the minutes until the audiobook ended and a little let-down because, like I said, I wanted more. I wanted the climax of the story to give me more. I wanted the romance to feel more...passionate? I don't know. It all felt a little too easy? And at times, I totally forgot these characters were adults. I thought that this could have easily been a YA novel, the main difference is that these characters are old enough to work office jobs.

I did like the diversity (both racially and body-type). I also really liked the one MC's best friend, she was great and I loved that she kept that MC levelheaded.

I enjoyed how they fell in love. It reminded me of past novels I've read where one MC shouts out that they love one of the characters, which gives me that "Aw" feeling. But I'm still a little salty that this was a vampire romance and it wasn't very sexy.

Anyway, if you like contemporary fantasy novels with vampires and close door romances, I think you'll enjoy this one. Was it silly at some points? Sure. But well, it wasn't the worst vampire book I've read!

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55. Hideaway by Nora Roberts--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Another day, another Nora Roberts book I've thoroughly enjoyed. I'm beginning to see the somewhat formula behind some of these books and I'm not going to lie, for the moment, I'm really enjoying said formula.

One of the beautiful things about HIDEAWAY is the familial love and how thoroughly this MC is loved. And even though I had to suspend my disbelief in the beginning (how is a ten year old capable of so much???), I was hooked.

Roberts has such an addicting way of writing. Her books are so much more than the fluffy romances people have always classified them as. Yes, there's romance in this, but it's also a thriller with some people who would heavily benefit from serious therapy.

It was also interesting seeing such a wealthy family have such a warm core.

Will definitely be picking up another Roberts novel!

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56. You & Me by Tal Bauer--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

⬆️⬆️ Real footage of me after I finished reading YOU & ME after only sleeping for two hours because I couldn't put the book down.

Listen, I'm an avid reader. There are some books I love and then there are some books that make me say, "I don't care about sleep, give me all the pages." YOU & ME was one of the latter books for me. I wanted to know what would come next, I wanted to know if these cinnamon rolls would get their shit together, and I especially wanted to see the father/son relationship be healed.

This book has hype behind it and it is completely worth it.

This is like one of those rare books that you immediately know will both linger with you long after it's done, and will be something you're going to re-read in the future.

I loved their love, I loved their relationships, and I loved seeing the unravelling of the mess that we are introduced to in the beginning. This is a story about love, hope, friendship, and heart. I loved it so much.

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57. Barbarian's Prize by Ruby Dixon--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was excited for this one because LOOK AT THAT GORGEOUS COVER! While it's not my favourite book in the series, I found it did hold some pretty important themes.

The FMC is dealing with some serious trauma after being r@ped various times when she was captured at the beginning of the series. I think that's one thing that's easy to bypass in the past few books--the trauma these women went through after being capture is sometimes swept aside in order to get some sexy times. But I liked that Dixon let her FMC heal herself before she gave her heart to her mate. I'd call this book more a sobering moment in this spicy series.

I liked the MMC because he knew what the FMC needed and how to respectfully approach her. Maybe the bar is set in hell, but I thought it was sweet that he wasn't as pushy as all of the other male aliens around them. God, that's such a weird sentence to write. LOL.

Anyway, onto the next one!

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58. Mindy Kim, Class President by Lyla Lee & Dung Ho--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I think that books like this one are such important reads for the little readers in our lives. Not only does it teach the reader more about a culture (key words and phrases and snacks), but it also teaches them the importance of kindness, bravery, and how to approach scary moments in life.

Mindy faces her class's presidential elections in this one and while the teacher comments on the importance of voting and using that right we all have, we also watch Mindy overcome her fear of public speaking and how it's okay to be an adult with fears (her father), or my favourite, how it's okay for adults to have stuffed animals.

I love seeing Mindy grow in each book and I will never get over how adorable she is! I think this is a great and under-appreciated series.

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59. Indian Horse by Richard Wagamese--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

INDIAN HORSE is an emotional punch of a book. I think it's definitely one of those books that will haunt the reader for a very long time after the very last page. It was beautifully written, but it was also written with the phantom blood of those poor children who suffered, died, and were permanently scarred by residential schools.

Triggering is one of the first words that comes to mind when I now think of this book, but it's also so incredibly important.

This is the perfect of example of using and excelling at something to run and try to escape from the monsters in the dark, but that not even something you once loved can be a permanent escape. Monsters always find a way to find us in the end.

God, this was a beautiful and heartbreaking book--made even more so knowing that while this is a fictional story, the events are not wholly confined to this book. The horrors these children suffered will forever haunt our society. The cowardice and monstrosity of using religion to dehumanize people is something worth burning in hell for.

So, though it is triggering and traumatizing, INDIAN HORSE is a must read, since sometimes it is the most jarring books that have the greatest impact.

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Have you read any of these books? What are your thoughts?

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Happy reading!

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thydungeongal · 1 year

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So okay, chances are really slim that anyone who's actually read my Rolemaster-posting has suddenly gone "dang Rolemaster sounds like it owns I wanna try it" but on the off chance someone is like "wow I do think RPGs should have more weirdly specific rules and fun tables for me to roll on," here's some recommendations from yours truly:

Sadly, at the moment every version of Rolemaster is out of print. The license holder, ICE, is working on a new edition, called Rolemaster Unified, which has been in public beta testing for what feels like an eternity now. You can get the beta test files for free by registering on ICE's forums.

DriveThruRPG has pdfs for both currently existing versions of Rolemaster as well as HARP, which is basically simplified and streamlined Rolemaster. The two currently existing versions of Rolemaster are Rolemaster Classic (based on 2e originally released in 1984 but cleaned up and reformatted) and Rolemaster Fantasy Role Playing (based on Rolemaster Standard System from the 90s).

Of the two above systems, Rolemaster Classic is by far simpler but requires more of an investment in terms of books (Character Law, Spell Law, Arms Law at the very least). Rolemaster Fantasy Role Playing is in my experience clearer with the intent and application of the rules but at the cost of being more complicated and mathy, but all you really need to start with the game is the core book which has everything you need to play the game, and you can supplement the game with all the various "Laws" as needed. (Do note that while the two systems are somewhat similar and the "Laws" are similarly named, Rolemaster Classic Arms Law is not the same as Rolemaster Fantasy Role Playing Arms Law)

Having said all of that, HARP has been highly praised and even though some of its simplifications of the Rolemaster formula are unwelcome to me personally (I want more weirdly specific tables, not one big table!) I have heard that it still retains the core Rolemaster feel while simplifying it.

But the sad thing about all of the above games is that they're effectively dead, except for Rolemaster Unified (and given its long development I'm not 100% confident it's ever going to see the light of day). If the idea of a gritty RPG with big tables appeals to you there are a few off-brand alternatives:

Against the Darkmaster. This one requires a bit of explanation: in the eighties and nineties ICE held the license to produce RPGs in J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle-Earth and the resulting game, Middle-earth Role Playing (or MERP) was basically a simplified version of Rolemaster. Against the Darkmaster (usually shortened VsD) is a MERP clone with the specific brand identity stripped out and the rules presented in such a way that they're not a 100% simulacrum or MERP's rules, but maintaining the feel of MERP's rules. I would argue that VsD also improves heavily on MERP in terms of theme, because MERP was basically a dungeon-crawling RPG set in Tolkien's world and didn't exactly feel like it would support adventures in the style of his books, whereas VsD definitely leans more heavily on genre emulation. VsD also has a free quickstart version if you want to check it out before putting any money down.

If you want to experience something that is kind of like Rolemaster but don't mind the lack of d100 and don't want to spend any money up front, and which is also incidentally probably my favorite Rolemaster-inspired game currently available, there's nothing I can recommend more than Gurbintroll Games' Lightmaster (divided into two volumes: Core Rules and Book of Tables, both available as PDF and PoD but with the PDFs available for theoretically free). Lightmaster is an interesting Rolemaster/d20 hybrid: it is based on Rolemaster 2e but heavily simplified (character creations is streamlined, there isn't a whole subsystem for martial arts, magic item creation and healing rules have been streamlined and unlike in Rolemaster 2e they're actually consistent across the board), and besides the switch from 1d100 to 1d20 there have been some changes to the various Classes/Professions. The game also comes with an implied setting which is a weird science fantasy/planetary romance setting, but one could easily run it in a generic fantasy setting if one were so inclined. My only complaint with Lightmaster is that I miss the Astrologer, the original Channeling/Mentalism hybrid class from Rolemaster 2e, which didn't make the cut. 😞

There's also Blood, Guts & Glory from the same company which is their earlier attempt at a d20-based Rolemaster clone. BG&G is a more accurate clone of Rolemaster 2e, seeking to emulate 2e's more arcane rules. It's more accurate to Rolemaster 2e but in the worst ways (I don't actually enjoy RM 2e's extremely detailed character creation, I want character creation to be quick and streamlined like in Lightmaster so I can get to rolling on those fun tables already). I recommend Lightmaster above it, but BG&G is mostly compatible with Lightmaster so it might be good to have around as a supplement to Lightmaster?

#long post

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readingrobin · 1 year

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I'm still trying to get the hang of the whole "posting content" thing, but I think providing a reading wrap-up every month will allow me a little more to work with. January was a fairly standard reading month. I was able to get through ten books, though I added quite a few to my TBR. Kind of had a mini heart attack when I realized that, according to my Storygraph, I have about 1,731 titles on there. Well, at least I know I'll never run short of reading material.

Total Books Read: 10

Total Pages Read: 3,689

Books Read:

The Devil Aspect by Craig Russell - (Review) (3.5/5)

Sweep: The Story of a Girl and Her Monster by Jonathan Auxier - All I have to say is that the best kind of children's fiction tends to be the ones that expertly balance the harsh cruelties of life, especially during the Victorian era, with an unshakable sense of hope and a lot of heart. Sweep is one of those books that doesn't shy away from the reality and history of children in peril, but there is a warmness in its pages that comes from feeling and seeing the love and protection of dear ones long since passed. Definitely a bit of a tearjerker, but in a good way. (4/5)

The Kingdom of Back by Marie Lu - (Review) (4/5)

Property of the Rebel Librarian by Allison Varnes - Looking at the world around us, this book couldn't be more relevant, as book bans are sweeping across schools and kids are left without a choice in what they want to read. Though it presents a somewhat simplistic scenario of censorship gone wild, it's definitely meant as an accessible way for young readers to be introduced to the process of book banning and what can be done to make your voice heard. (4/5)

Season of the Bruja Vol. 1 by Aaron Duran and Sara Soler - A really beautiful graphic novel that highlights the conflict of surviving indigenous traditions vs. religious colonialism. Stories that point out the hypocrisy and brutality of the Catholic church scratch such a good itch for me. The world is a little shaky though, not much is exactly explained and you almost need some prior knowledge of Mexican mythology going in, but it's worth checking out. (3/5)

A Winter's Promise by Christelle Dabos - (Review) (4/5)

Such Sharp Teeth by Rachel Harrison - (Review) (4/5)

The Ivory Key by Akshaya Raman - Though it takes a while to get going, The Ivory Key does have a great readability to it as the action finally kicks in about maybe halfway through. Up until then, the book spends a great deal laying the foundation of this world: tensions between cities, the role and history of magic in this society, the dynamics of the main characters. I will say, being introduced to at least seven different important characters in the span of 30 pages is a tad overwhelming at first, but it levels out the more you keep reading. While I did enjoy it, there was nothing particularly exemplary about the story that wowed me. The Indian-inspired setting and mythology makes it stand out, but everything else used the same tropes, beats, and twists that I've seen time and time over with little to add to them. I liked it enough to want to read the second book coming out later this year, but probably not enough to keep it on my personal shelf. (3/5)

Black Panther: The Young Prince by Ronald L. Smith - Read this one in a day and was fairly satisfied with it. It'll definitely appeal to middle grade readers looking for Marvel tie-in stories, as it has a quick pace and a good amount of action and mystery. For me, I don't think I enjoyed it enough to continue with the sequel, but it was nice to see a younger T'Challa and M'Baku out of their element away from Wakanda and how dynamic changed over the course of the book. (3/5)

Scavenge the Stars by Tara Sim - For a book inspired by The Count of Monte Cristo, the story itself was incredibly simple and told fairly straight-forwardly, but I think that works in its favor. I'm at the point where I'm starting to tire of long-winded society dramas so I appreciated it for having a bit of focus. Everyone's motivation is clear, with a natural twist or two popping up along the way, plus a great amount of casual queerness. Though the world-building wasn't exactly intricate, there is a good sense of aesthetic and personality in the setting of Moray from its high status venues to the seedy gambling dens. I'm interested to see where the story goes in the sequel! (3.5/5)

Average Rating: (3.6/5)

#robin's book log #reading wrap up #book wrap up #the devil aspect #sweep: the story of a girl and her monster #the kingdom of back #property of the rebel librarian #season of the bruja #a winter's promise #such sharp teeth #the ivory key #black panther the young prince #scavenge the stars

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autumnsup · 10 months

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There are probably a million other (and better) lists out there like this, but for Pride Month and my own documenting purposes, here are the LGBTQ+ "classics" I've come across over the past several years of reading. My taste tends toward older literature and slash, so most of them center on gay stories and are somewhat dated in terms of general societal attitudes, but I know there are many other classics out there that are just as good and hope to get around to them eventually.

To be clear, my definition of "classic" is how often they crop up in various "best of" lists I've found on the internet (including this one), and who recommends them, as well as how long they've been around. For example, many of the titles here are based on the renowned gay author Edmund White's list of "representative freaks," which I haven't yet read through myself. (His books are interesting too, although they contain a lot of difficult themes, and are not always fiction or centered on gay characters). They are not necessarily recommendations, as I struggled with some or found them not so memorable, but I wanted to take note of them nonetheless.

The rest I've listed are books that I've just happened across, usually at a library or through a friend. I haven't included the YA books because in my mind they exist in their own category (although I'm happy to rec them to anyone who cares). Most, if not all, are written by authors who identify as LGBTQ+. And lastly, they are all in English because it's my first language, although I'm sure there are more I haven't yet discovered that originated in different languages.

So here they are, in no particular order:

Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin - I loved the first book, although I haven't yet read the series that followed. It represents all sorts of queer lives and experiences in 1970/80s San Francisco, including a truly memorable trans character.

Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters - a picaresque love story set in Victorian England. Not slash, although there is some gender-bending between the lesbian characters.

A Home at the End of the World by Michael Cunningham - The Hours was a much more popular book of his, but this was the first book to introduce me to the idea of a polyamorous/throuple situation, including two gay characters.

Memorial by Bryan Washington - a searching look at a modern interracial gay relationship and its strengths and flaws.

Gay Bar by Atherton Lin - not fiction, but a very engaging sociological read, about the history of gay bars and the author's present-day experience of them.

The Merry Spinster by Mallory Ortberg/Daniel M. Lavery - I read this at the beginning of my deliberately queer literature journey and liked the dark gender-swapped versions of fairy tales it contains. The author transitioned while writing this book, supposedly.

"Brokeback Mountain" by Annie Proulx - heartbreaking but good. Gods help me if I watch the film again.

City of Night by John Rechy - I didn't manage to finish this one because the style is very much of the Beatnik era, but I may attempt it again. It inspired the script for the film My Own Private Idaho (another queer classic).

"Howl" by Allen Ginsberg - also challenging to read unless you're in a stream-of-consciousness poetic mood. He does have mind-stopping imagery though, and was considered quite risqué for his time.

Burning Your Boats by Angela Carter - dark, sensual, borderline horror. Not all slash, but inclusive of different sexual orientations. I particularly like her retellings of fairy tales in this collection.

London Triptych by Jonathan Kemp - a breath-taking (and spicy) narrative that interweaves three different eras of gay culture.

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde - probably the best known classic of the 19th century, although I don't remember if it's overtly queer or just contains subtext. Haven't read it in years.

Maurice by E.M. Forster - honestly it's been ages since I read this one too. I love everything else by this gay author though, so I will probably reread it some day.

Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman - I tore right through reading this one after watching the film. A simple yet engaging coming-of- age story. I haven't read the sequel yet but will do so eventually.

The Spell by Alan Hollinghurst - I wasn't quite sure what to make of this one. Basically none of the characters are especially likable, although the story reveals interesting dynamics between them and their sexual escapades. I'm curious to read more by this author.

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides - this book rocked my world when I was a teenager. I've since come to question how representative it is of the intersex experience, seeing as it was written by a seemingly heterosexual cis man, but it was the first time I'd ever been introduced to such a rich and unusual character in literature, and she stayed with me for a long time after (re)reading.

As for the future, here are some titles I intend to read (among many more):

The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

Goodbye to Berlin by Christopher Isherwood (story that the musical Cabaret was based on)

Orlando by Virginia Woolf

Pageboy by Elliot Page

Nevada by Imogen Bonnie

Here's hoping I've managed to add a few of these to my personal list by the time Pride Month rolls around again. 🤠 And of course, if anyone else has books/stories to recommend, do share!

#personal development #book recs #pride month #personal progress report #queer lit #lgbt reads

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radishwizard · 1 year

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some vaguely incoherent yelling about goblin emperor + politics + genre beyond the read more (just to be clear by some i mean a whole wall of text)

(fyi goblin emperor is one of my favorite books i just also like engaging with things i like in critical ways)

i started my day by verifying at approx 4 am that maggie stiefvater named herself after margaret thatcher (true btw) so i've been thinking about neoliberalism and --

i've always really disliked celehar's letter at the end of goblin emperor because for a guy that in theory is an impartial investigator it reads to me as incredibly dismissive and judgmental of the Curneisei philosophy: like yeah i mean i don't disagree there's stuff there that's questionable but also there's some stuff that isn't re: wanting more power for the working class -- celehar even acknowledges this by saying that he can understand and sympathize with the desire to improve their lives. (they are, presumably, underpaid, overworked, and experiencing dangerous labor conditions.) (i disliked this letter + celehar by association so much that i put off reading witness for the dead for ages lol but i was very brave and read it this week and i enjoyed it. tea culture!)

(in contrast i actually like maia's interaction with shulivar -- i think that it makes sense that maia would have a somewhat naive understanding of the impact of the existence of his government and would be shocked and discomfited by the truth of shulivar's words -- so it feels to me less like a good/bad moral judgement is being passed (as in celehar's letter) and more like a broadening of maia's worldview. i also like that shulivar presents his actions as just a beginning, not an end-all to change)

similarly the plot against elhokar in words of radiance (stormlight archive) has also always really bothered me -- i know there's a lot of other stuff going on there with like moash's personal vengeance and the Diagram and whatever but -- if you have like, a societal problem (class/racial inequality) just putting a different king in power who will still 100% uphold that system is ??? not ??? going to solve anything ???? you'll just have another shitty inbred ruler a couple years or decades down the line.

i guess my point here is that it's kind of wild to me that in both of these worlds this kind of "gentle neoliberalism" is upheld by even the most extremist radicals (change for the better as a result of only a change in leadership; social change as a result of individuals in power being "good"; rebellion seeking change only through that leadership turnover and not anything structural or systemic -- and even that kind of rebellion being denounced as unethical because of its impact on individuals). it's a viewpoint that exists in actual real life politics ("vote and all our problems will be solved!") but i think it's also kind of a genre problem? like i'm very much anti-monarchy irl but when it's zuko fire lord post-canon fanfic suddenly i'm like yeah okay king! i guess part of it is being invested in the individuals in power as people with their own narratives more than the (fictional) society and its injustices (a very different perspective than with irl politics), but i do think there's also a genre expectation of a fantasy setting having some kind of hereditary leadership. i am much more willing to accept a monarchy in a book with magic in it than i am in real life. (maybe that's just a me problem.)

i feel like most of the fantasy i read is either like this (monarchy is ok when we like the characters involved in it) or has the government as No Nuance Big Bad. i'd love to read more fiction that does both: monarchy is a bad idea but also we like the people who are doing it so it's complicated. and fiction that has rebellion for actual societal change beyond just killing one king to get another (please !) -- i mean don't get me wrong i still want to read things that are hopeful and are optimistic about social change, just maybe that's like, the power fantasy of a bunch of teens tearing down a government entirely rather than just those teens putting a different person (a "good guy") on the exact same throne. (in fairness to zuko btw the atla extended lore does tackle some of this and i have read some pretty solid fanfic that does even more)

within the world of goblin emperor, i feel like there are moments that get close to the "it doesn't matter whether you're 'good' because the system itself is broken" -- things like varenechibel also wanting to build the bridge across the istandaärtha or maia being able to delay vedero's marriage but not change that he still controls the fate of the drazhadeise women -- but it could go further. i would really love to see maia having to confront the implications of being an emperor beyond what we've seen thus far: things like learning the history of the conquered peoples within the empire and having to come to terms with whatever genocide and cultural erasure shaped the ethuveraz. (i haven't read grief of stones yet so i can't speak for that but i don't think we've seen that aspect of empire in canon. also i'm lying i don't actually want to see that bc i really don't want a direct sequel to TGE but like maybe indirectly through the amalo books or maybe just in fanfic) also i think a like, shulivar pov in the style of "fantasy novel where the good guys take down bad government" would be incredible.

any way these are my takeaways:

i will read more books

(maybe not raven boys though)

happy new year! :-)

p.s. also i dont really know what i'm talking about i'm just a guy on the internet who is trying to connect dots i'm not a political scientist or anything please don't yell at me (do dm me to talk about goblin emp tho my only friend who's read it is still asleep. goddamn time zones) p.p.s. i'm using neoliberal here to refer to a kind of attitude of "a particular kind of status quo is good actually (even though at least nominally we want social change)" which is how i typically see it being used in Internet Discourse. i think there's prob more poli sci definitions out there that are more specific/accurate

p.p.p.s. if you're interested in this + like reading things that are actually coherent try this (altho i hate the title. i know here it's probably for clicks so whatever but infantilizing non-infant characters is a big pet peeve of mine. the phrase "cinnamon roll" my beloathed)

#somewhat critical of goblin emp and also brando sando (WoR) and a bit about atla so don't click through if you don't want to see that #+ includes spoilers for all of the above

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einsteinsugly · 2 years

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October 10, 2000. Fictober 10. Chambers of Secrets, Goblets of Fire.

A/N: Fictober 10. That 70s Show. Eric Forman as a Dad, as he reckons with the struggles of his and Donna's youngest daughter, ten-year-old Leah. Yes, I took the prompt quite literally.

*****

"My name is on the line." Eric sighs, tracing his supposed signature with his fingers. Smoothing out the crumpled piece of paper, which had been hastily discarded in a small trash bin. Under a thin layer of pencil shavings and a Twinkie wrapper. "But I don't remember signing this."

"Your name is easier to forge." His youngest daughter blurts, barely looking up from the latest Harry Potter book. Mindlessly toying with her strawberry locks, before she realizes what she's loudly spouted, and her eyes accordingly widen in horror.

And as her blue-green eyes meet his, a true mix between her awkward father and her brilliant mother, she presents a sugary-sweet grin. As sweet as strawberry shortcake, or even a store-bought Twinkie. Suitable for a nuclear winter, when hell freezes over.

But the awkward, unconvincing grimace is too sweet, to the point of leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. As parenting mode truly sets in, and he aggressively clears his throat.

"Leah…"

He awkwardly trails off, and Leah's grin becomes somewhat sheepish, as her eyes narrow in shame. And her eyes dart to her tartan plaid bedspread, mindlessly tracing the pattern with her fingers. "Mom always says my middle name when she's mad at me."

Eric waggles his eyebrows, in a fatherly but slightly intimidating manner. "Do you want me to start?"

"Not really, no." Her voice is no longer filled with loud, boisterous snark, but with abject shame. "I didn't want you to know."

"That you were in ISS for half the day, and Mom caught you deleting messages the school…"

"Maybe Mom shouldn't stick her nose where it doesn't belong?" Leah angrily blurts, pushing the blame elsewhere, "Because I like my privacy, and she likes to check my folders every day. Except you're the one who likes to read diaries, because Mom said that one time…"

She still won't me live that one down, after twenty-four years? "Leah Margaret…"

"Okay, okay." She finally puts down the book, a symbolic white flag. "I'm sorry. For everything, even though I just…"

Leah trails off, and tears well in her eyes, as she tries to blink and make them magically disappear, just like her mother.

But as a ten year old, she's nowhere near as subtle. With a loud sniffle, as she aggressively rubs her eyes. She rubs until her skin turns bright red, and she collapses into his concerned, waiting arms.

"Daddy, I'm sorry." The sniffles turn into strangled sobs, as he pulls her close. "I hate school. How do you teach there all the time?"

"Well, being a teacher is a bit different than being a student. Being a student, way back when…" Eric doesn't know how to put it into words, as he fumbles. "Was tough. When I was your age, Destroy and Giveback would steal my lunch and then shove me into a locker, and your mom would have to help me get out. And everyone would laugh at me in gym class, let me tell you…"

"But I'm good at sports. I'm just not good with people…well, all the popular people." The sobs slow a bit, but the sobs are soon exchanged for a grunt and balled fists. As she withdraws from his fatherly, protective embrace. "I'm such a freaking loser!"

"You are not…"

But Leah loudly interjects, hastily wiping away stray tears. "Brittany said that only boys play kickball, and that I was one step away from getting a sex change. Or from becoming a lesbian, like Ellen DeGeneres."

Taken aback, he's truly at a loss for words. He wishes he could comfort her, by telling her everything will be okay, but once again? He fumbles.

"I…"

"So I punched her in her stupid face." Instead, with tears still firmly in her eyes, Leah vengefully reenacts, punching her balled fist in the air. Grabbing her stuffed Pikachu, and grinding his face into her bed. "And then she said I was only proving her point by making her eat dirt, so I went into girl fight mode. And I yanked out a huge chunk of her hair."

She finally puts Pikachu out of his misery. Not by giving him a final death blow, but by picking him up and hugging him. Brushing away her tears with his fur. "I won't rip you apart, I promise."

Horrified at the series of unfortunate events, Eric anxiously gulps, taking her free, open hand. "Will you rip me apart if I give some fatherly advice? From experience, because a lot of the boys on the playground made fun of me for being myself. And some of the girls made fun of your mom for being herself, so…"

"She made them eat dirt?"

"Sometimes, yeah."

Clearly pleased at such a tidbit of information, Leah smiles. As the tears slowly fade away.

And after a few moments of pondering, Leah smirks with sheer pride, as she likely envisions her mother kicking ass and taking names. Rubbing faces in the dirt, kicking and punching until all her troubles faded away.

"That sounds awesome!"

But real life is far different from a ten year old's sheer fantasy. Eric readily recalls all the times Donna sat in the principal's office, after punching some snotty girl, or Destroy or Giveback, in their smug faces. And nine times out of ten? Donna was protecting him, not herself.

"But like you, she got in lots of trouble. Because it's wrong to start fights, and to forge names."

"I know." Leah's brief hubris finally begins to dissolve, as she dramatically sighs. Remembering the reality, that he wished he didn't bring up, and sadness swallows her whole. "But words hurt a lot, so I wanna make her hurt as much as I do. 'Cause that saying that sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me is so stupid."

"But even if you really, really want to throw sticks and stones…"

"And punches?"

"Yeah, and punches," Eric awkwardly quips, "It's way, way better to be diplomatic…"

"Diplomatic?" She awkwardly interrupts, as she furrows her brows in colossal confusion, "What's that mean?"

"You have to sign a peace agreement. Well, not literally…" Leah glares at him skeptically, wholly unconvinced. Of such a daunting prospect, as Forman rage inevitably flows through her veins. That, combined with her mother's notorious temper. "With them, and yourself."

"What if I don't want to?" Similarly, Leah aggressively clears her throat, and Eric can't help but sigh. As her mother's sheer will bursts from her lips, like a dragon breathing fire. "Because I want to pour a goblet of fire on her stupid head?"

"You have to pick your battles. Like, let's say, there once was a time, where an evil empire chased the good guys to the beaches. And they weren't ready to give up and die, so they sailed across the channel." He recalls the true tales of the European theater, under a fog of war, as a history teacher emerges from the ashes. To teach a little lesson. "And then, a few years later, they came back. On the beaches of Normandy, and kicked some evil a…butt. Instead of taking a last stand, they came back later. When they were really ready to fight."

"Normandy?" It seems to ring a little bell, in Leah's young mind. "Was Pop there or something?"

"He was in the Pacific, fighting the Japs, as he'd say." Brushing the political incorrect terminology aside, he continues a tale that is much, much closer to home. "Anywho, those kids that teased me on the playground? One owns a pawn shop, and a couple are in prison. So, karma…"

"It's a bitch?"

In turn, Eric reluctantly chides. "Leah…"

"Am I in trouble?" She asks, nervously wringing her hands, picking her up her book, "I mean, I protected myself with sticks and stones instead of words, but…"

"Just don't hide everything from us, okay?"

But Leah's incredibly uneasy, and tries to give him a reassuring bear hug. Goblet of fire in hand. "I love you, Daddy."

He anxiously sighs, hoping for some sort of lifeline, to pull him ashore. "I love you, too."

#that 70s show #that 90s show #eric forman #leah forman #eric and donna #donna pinciotti #my fics #fictober #fictober event #fictober22

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sanguinaryrose · 3 months

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Hi! I'm remaking my Tumblr commissions post as editing the old one is miserable.

My commissions are currently: Open on all fronts!

(Ko-Fi, Toyhouse, Flight Rising, AO3)

TLDR: My commissions are priced per word (I write at 0.0133 cents per word, you can figure out what I can do with your price range here), with the exception of fanfiction which has a starting price of $26.60. Using USD, you have two set options for what you can order as I refuse to take USD orders under $9.00 because of PayPal's fees, but if you use Flight Rising's on-site currencies, you can order a lot flexibly without having to stack multiple orders at once.

TLDR of rules: (0) I work Mon-Fri 10 AM - 3 PM EST, excluding specific days & circumstances (seen here), order in advance if it's a gift, time spent will vary, rushing me suddenly is not okay, and a rush order will have to be discussed during the request process, avoid messaging me frequently for updates. (1) I require full, up-front payment, work will not begin until payment exchanges hands. (2) I won't write politics, past or present. (3) I won't write RPF or parodies of real people, dead or alive. (4) There are certain franchises I flat-out refuse to write (seen here), but I'll still beta read for them. (5) By commissioning me for a non-personal fanfic (specifically you x canon), you consent to me posting it to my AO3 account. (6) By commissioning me, you agree to credit me when my writing is used. (7) By commissioning an explicit piece from me, you agree that you are over 18 years of age.

I specialize in fanfiction, slashfic, original character biographies (you made this whole world they're from), fan character biographies (characters for an IP you do not own, ex DND/Baldur's Gate, Howl's Moving Castle, The Owl House, Warrior Cats) and Flight Rising characters (dragons, beastclans, familiars; whatever, really.)

Fanfiction (1k words/chapter) | [ example 1 (old) ] | [ example 2 (somewhat old? I have opinions, under 1k) ] $26.60 SFW, $53.20 NSFW | Price breakdown: My most expensive solely because I want to make sure that I do you, as the commissioner, right. Commissioning what's, in effect, a mini-book is an incredibly heavy thing to request, and I'd rather not mess it up. As such, a good portion of the cost is actually my time where I sit down and talk things out with you to get an idea of plot, where you'd like it to go, and then researching the characters you'd like to have involved. I do not offer discounts on multi-chapter orders. (EX, a 10 chapter SFW fic would be 266.00 USD.) Ten revisions are free. All revisions afterwards will be $3.00 [DOES NOT INCLUDE PERSONAL OVERSIGHTS E.G., MISSING WORDS, THOSE ARE FIXED FOR FREE!]

Character biography, comes with skeleton (bio is 1k words minimum) | [ example 1 ] | [ example 2 ] | $13.30 SFW, $26.60 NSFW | Price breakdown: As most of the character's information is given by the commissioner, little to no work is needed on my behalf, and I don't really need to do much research into a franchise, doing deep dives on characters to ensure they're canon compliant, that they would, in fact, say that. This is not for fanfiction. Five revisions are free. All revisions afterwards will be $3.00 [DOES NOT INCLUDE PERSONAL OVERSIGHTS E.G., MISSING WORDS, THOSE ARE FIXED FOR FREE!]

Queue can be found -> here <- but if you don't want to navigate away, unless otherwise specified in the post, there are slots available for you.

I will beta read anything, even my 'I won't write these' properties. Beta reading prices are based off of how many words you have in intervals of 500 words, starting at 1,000 words. It'll be rounded up or down depending on what you're closer to (1k or 1.5k for example). Includes edits.

Requires using Google Docs with comments enabled. Ensure it is set to anyone with the link is allowed to view.

1,000 words: $10.00 SFW, $20.00 NSFW | 1,500 words: $15.00 SFW, $30.00 NSFW | 2,000 words: $20.00 SFW, $40.00

... And so on. Queue is indefinite as I can beta read a lot faster than I can write. Don't worry about a queue here, I will halt these if I need.

Additional written examples along with how many words and their prices can be found -> here <- and I thank you for reading this far! Hopefully I can be your next writer if you enjoy what you saw :]

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memidgenotsofteroreasier · 6 months

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A glitch

It volunteer, but arrived an hour late because I had been packing to go camping after my shift. A Karen didn't want me anywhere near her and faulted every last thing I tried to do. I left. The rest of the team is more balanced. I have been listening to the news and it is not good. Israelis and Palestinians, Republicans and Democrats, Law and disorder. Nevertheless, I had a chance to reboot and get my sort on with the papers. This is what I do. Go set up for one night, read and sort, and purge papers, pack up and return with almost as much, but a sense that I have made progress. It's a good goal.

I had agreed to this day for a my phone therapy session. I was about 10 minutes early and planned to stay by the entrance to use their hot spot. The day before, I went to the office and staff helped me with the app, so I was ready. When I presented my proof of insurance and car registration, they told me at the gate that the former wasn't there. After all the stress and rejection, I lost my shit and began slapping my head. This just made them (both Latino—irony--a couple of Latino Border Patrol Agents were walking about probing the weeds across the road for brown bodies). Abort mission to check in. Go to Plan B.

The call went through. To say I was upset would be an understatement. My purse has no tissue and my nose was dripping. She noticed! I used my sleeve after pulling a receipt out of my purse and trying to use that. You may think it's mucus, but it's snot. At 10 minutes in, the call dropped. Because the app was still open, I couldn't answer any calls. It was somewhat of a relief to be done. Poor little white girl. I'm upset about what I hear on the news on NPR, which tells me I should listen to classical music.

Israelis want aid organizations to repack loads onto pallets approved by them, then when they don't make it to the border, they have to come back and return everything to the warehouse. All their effort wasted while people die! And I'm powerless.

The solution proposed by the gate staff was to download an app from GEICO, which they (and I) tried. No soap. It was at 75% of complete when I gave up. I went back to my car and looked, and lo, there was the proof of insurance. So I drove back to the gate and told the guy to read it and weep. They asked for my driver's license, which I produced, and I was allowed in. But now I'm marked. If I see them again, they may have a grudge against me.

At my site I was unloading the car and up drives a Sheriff. He asks how I am and I tell him I've been better. I don't get out as often as I used to and it's getting harder to achieve. It's one of my dreams to camp and get organized. Death like an overflowing stream of paper!

I did have a moment of clarity that I could have been spending a very different time in a camp (with bars)! The peace was disturbed. But in my book, if people aren't alarmed by what is going on, they lack compassion. I put that in a note I handed off on my way out the gate.

A further complication: a 9a.m. Saturday meeting was planned, so I packed everything up early and arrived at the hot spot to check email a quarter past to find out it was postponed a week. The very good news: I banked 10 hours of sleep. Next time I'll position the tent differently because nights are turning cold and a heater is needed.

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stonewallsposts · 1 year

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March Reading

1Q84 Haruki Murakami (2010)

"Everybody feels safe belonging not to the excluded minority but to the excluding majority. If you belong to the majority, you can avoid thinking about lots of troubling things. And those troubling things are all you can think about when you're one of the few."

"What Takashima is doing, if you ask me, is making mindless robots. They take the circuits out of people's brains that make it possible for them to think for themselves. That world is more like the one the George Orwell depicted in his novel. I'm sure you realize that there are plenty of people who are looking for exactly that like of brain death. It makes life a lot easier. You don't have to think about difficult things, just shut up and do what your superiors tell you to do."

"He no longer believed with his whole heart in the possibility or the romance of the revolution. Neither could he completely disavow it. To do so would mean disavowing his life and confessing his mistakes for all to see."

These are some of the quotes I found interesting in the book, but they don't really capture the essence of the book itself. 1Q84 is set in Tokyo, 1984. The English pronunciation of the letter Q is apparently the same as the Japanese word for 9, so 1984 and 1Q84 sound the same in Japanese.

The lead characters are a 30 year-old woman, Aomame, a physical trainer at a sports club, who moonlights as a highly effective assassin; and Tengo Kawana, a 30 year-old man who teaches math at a cram school and writes on the side.

Tengo's publisher runs across a brilliant, but unpolished, manuscript and asks Tengo to rewrite it so that it will be presentable to the public. The publisher believes the work has the potential to be a game-changing piece of literature. It was originally written by a 17 year-old girl, Eriko Fukada, so they need to get her permission to rewrite the work.

Eriko is the daughter of the leader of a growing, secretive, influential religious cult. Tengo has no idea that the things she describes in the book are things she believes are real: little people, air chrysalises, a second moon. But as he spends time with Eriko, her enigmatic personality opens up an alternate reality with him.

Aomame is, at the same time, charged with assassinating the leader of the religious cult, who has apparently had relations with several underaged girls. She too enters the alternate reality, which she calls 1Q84. Once she assassinates the leader, the connections between Aomame ,Tengo, Eriko, and the other characters grows. The story is woven in alternating chapters about Aomame and Tengo, and eventually include another character, Ushikawa, who is investigating their connection for the religious group in order to find Aomame and give her whereabouts to the leaders of the religious group.

The story was riveting from the beginning. There are times when it takes a bit before I really get engaged with a story, especially when it's this long- 1150 pages. But from the beginning, I was wanting to read more. It starts off as a kind of thriller, but then moves into a bit of fantasy as well. Then it is somewhat of a love story too. It was one of those novels that I would look for free time so I could read. It took me 6 days to finish.

Given how much I liked this story, I may check out some more of Murakami's works.

Le città invisibili- Italo Calvino (1972)

The title is 'Invisible Cities' in English. This one has been a tough read in Italian. The book is a series of descriptions of cities, which the explorer Marco Polo is supposedly giving to the ruler Kubla Khan. But they are descriptions of mental states that we find ourselves in. So while I'm reading the Italian, I had to admit the whole point of the work was not sinking in. So I opened up a copy of the English text and am reading it in parallel with the Italian.

One example is his recounting of the city of Zemrude. The mood of the beholder gives the city its form. If you go by whistling, nose up, you'll see window sills, curtains, fountains, but if you hang your head, you'll see gutters, manhole covers, wastepaper. Both are true. But everyone eventually begins to gaze down and that's where the gaze remains. The reverse isn't possible.

It's not hard to see this is a metaphor of how we approach life, with either a positive or negative attitude. You can look around and find things that confirm your view. Generally, we tend towards the negative as we move through life, but we don't get more positive.

«La forma delle cose si distingue meglio in lontananza»

The form of things is better discerned at a distance.

The Road to Serfdom- Friedrich Hayak (1944)

This is a classic book on capitalism and the free market, which gives defenses for the liberal system and free competition, and explains in detail why socialism, whenever it veers into attempts to direct the economy, always goes off the rails. I have posted a much longer breakdown of the points in the book elsewhere.

The Thirty-Nine Steps- John Buchan (1915)

A fun adventure/thriller story, written as a kind of dime-store novel. Short and easy to read, there were apparently a bunch of these series of these featuring the protagonist Richard Hannay.

The Master and Margarita- Mikhail Bulgakov (1928-40 written; 1967 published)

Ok, this one was interesting. It was compelling reading, but I have very little idea what it was about.

And on top of that, from page 319 to 350, the printer made a mistake and included pages 345-376 of another book: Amanda Coplin's The Orchardist. I've never seen anything like that in my life.

But I'm reading along and poof, the story just changes. Different characters, etc... no idea what is happening, then when I look it up, I realize it's an actual screw up with the book printing.

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brokenheartedcubscout · 3 years

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2021 Bookshelf: If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio and quotes I can’t stop thinking about | my storygraph

#really liked this one but whenever they started talking in shakespeare i skipped over it LMAO #like i'm reading a book set in somewhat present day i don't want to read that writing style #2021 bookshelf #if we were villains #m. l. rio #dark academia #bookblr #dark academia aes

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cherryblossomtease · 3 years

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Chapter 15

18+ only

warnings and summary - Masterlist

Because sometimes all you need is a simple reminder of who started this mess in the first damn place 💜

Warnings : as always 18+ only please- dom Zemo, sub Bucky, sub reader, punishment, m/m, m/m/f, light bondage

Authors Notes: Really didn't think I would be posting this weekend but it's a holiday in the states so why not! Still working on the rest by you know, neglecting everything that matters to create this fictional world. Anyhow, I can honestly say this is by far the most graphic story I've written so I'm a little nervous but it's already done, can't change it now, and I honestly don't want to! That said I hope you enjoy reading as much as I did writing!

Nothing lasts forever, especially when it’s this good. And this fabricated reality is about as good as it gets. Still, you know this boat will dock soon and goodbyes will be said. There’s really no way around it, try as you might to come up with a plan to talk Bucky into staying. Even now as you fight to stay asleep, your brain is working hard to create a solution while you refuse to give into your worries so early in the day.

You turn onto your stomach ignoring the dark thoughts, choosing instead to enjoy the feel of a strong arm across your back and a leg, hairy and heavy over both of yours.

Settling again with a content sigh, sleep starts to pull you back under. Thank the stars. You really aren’t in the mood— even if your dreams apparently are.

And what had you been dreaming about anyway?

A little house on a wide cliff overlooking water, and something else? The harder you try to remember the more you feel yourself slipping back into that dream space.

There was a small animal. What was it? A rabbit? Its fluffy body too close to the edge of the cliff. But in the dream you’d stayed standing in the doorway of the little house too indifferent to go and save it….

You feel bodies moving lazily, a stream of breath along your back that tickles; arms and legs and the men they belong to not fully awake and starting to stir like you, even as you quickly slip back into sleep until you’re standing in the doorway of that house again with the warm winds on your face and a view of the French sea below. The drop is dangerous. Deadly even.

Why haven’t you started talking Bucky into staying yet? Because you don’t like thinking about it too much. That's why. You start walking towards the edge of the cliff and you’re fully aware of your worlds crossing over —real thoughts present in your dream.

It’s probably bad luck to resent good deeds, after all that’s what he’s leaving you for. He wants to go off and live the life of the hero he never got to be. That and to keep Zemo’s location safe; but that’s besides the point. Hmm… Look at me, selfish even in my dreams. You smile when you shouldn’t.

Staring over the edge of the cliff it’s suddenly clear how unstable the ground is here and you gasp as it crumbles beneath your feet without warning.

Your eyes open with a start.

Well, that was a bit on the nose. Your subconscious does like to lay it on a thick sometimes, especially when you continue to ignore the things bothering you for too long and you've been setting these feelings aside since the text came through.

But just as quickly as you’re left to shake the shadow of the eerie dream, your frown fades replaced by a slow smile.

There is a very familiar poking at your ass that can sometimes be annoying-- this morning it’s welcome. You reach back and feel for the body that the greeting belongs too, comforted by the warmth and solid muscle of Bucky’s thigh under his tight boxers.

Mmmmm, the source of my distress and my desire, you think and grin into the pillows with a soft moan when his hand, hot and strong takes hold of your hip, massaging as he presses his erection into you.

You’ll talk to him about your dreams later.

Feeling a draft where there should be warmth, you open an eye to find breaks of sunlight in the space between Helmut’s arm and torso. When you turn your head you’re met with the sight of his bare chest, broad and covered in the softest dark hair. His necklace hangs off center, and you, as always, are helpless to it.

Your hand leaves Bucky’s thigh and your fingers slide over the delicate links in the chain and down into the soft chest hair as you turn your head to find he and Bucky locked in one hell of a kiss for so early in the day. It must have been their movement or the sound of their lips that woke you and pulled you from the doom of your fatal fall.

Dreams are so strange…

Your heart flutters when Helmut lays his hand over yours pressing it tight to his chest. “Good morning love birds.” You snicker and watch Bucky pull away from Zemo looking a little embarrassed. He does pause to kiss your cheek however before getting out of bed with a long stretch.

“So where the hell are we anyway?” He asks going to the balcony door, looking out at the passing waves. “Feels like nowhere.”

Zemo is looking down at you, stroking your profile, kissing your nose. “We should be well within the middle of it actually.” He answers, eyes still fixed on you.

“Perfect” You say softly letting him pull you so close that he blocks out the light as your lips meet.

“Breakfast is ready sir,” Oeznik calls from outside the bedroom door.

Zemo grumbles at the interruption but you’re starving. “What? I’m not going anywhere” You huff turning away, trying to escape. “You just said so yourself. I've got no place to go.”

“All by design” He smiles and lets you get up, giving your ass a smack as you go. Bucky is watching from the doorway and laughs at your yelp-hop-rub combination.

Swearing under your breath you go over to the closet, grab your silk robe and pull it on over your shorts and tank top, yawning as you drag your feet over to Bucky. You pat his stomach, kissing him quickly. “Hungry?”

“Famished.”

“Lets go up.” You say tugging at him as Zemo gets up and puts on his own robe across the room. It’s not the thick one you liked from before the raft, but silk like yours— Tom Ford if memory serves— god his influence is strong. How the hell do you remember this stuff?

You watch him scratch at the back of his messy nest of hair like he always does in the mornings, somehow looking both sexy and adorable, alternating between the two with the ease of flicking a light switch. You can only smile at the enigma that is Helmut Zemo and pull Bucky away from the doors.

The three of you leave the room shuffling along, making your way down the hall to the den. Zemo trails you and Bucky accepting a small espresso from Oeznik as he watches the way you and your Sergeant interact. Neither you nor Bucky are necessarily morning people and though it’s nearly ten, you’re both somewhat irritable now that you’re actually moving around and slightly hungover from yesterdays sangrias as you make your way up to the top deck where breakfast will be served.

The sun is so bright you huff about not being able to find your sunglasses and Bucky accuses you of being a diva. The only appropriate reaction is to give him a shove.

Zemo snorts a laugh at your near sibling like banter which you’d established after so many months together, but once you find your glasses on the bar counter and get a fresh cup of coffee and a bloody Mary chaser in your body you’re feeling like a new woman ready to conquer the day… a day spent doing nothing really.

It’s all so casually decadent that it’s nearly sinful. Whats the one? The sin that doesn’t sound as good as lust but feels better after all that fornicating you’ve been doing— Sloth? Yes, you think reaching for what’s left of your blood Mary from the lounge chair, the ultimate of all the sins. Thou shalt not be a lazy ass sloth all day on your yacht.

Cheers.

You read on the deck for a while, play a few rounds of shuffle board with Bucky by the pool and attempt to best Zemo at chess in the den.

Lunch is wonderful, and you think you will need to meet this mystery chef at some point before the trip is over followed by a nap on the bedroom balcony.

When you wake up in the very late afternoon you venture down the hall with your book and unexpectedly find the men in your life moaning on the floor of the den in a tangle of beautifully tanned arms and legs. So you very quietly slip past, feeling a flush rise up your neck to your cheeks highlighting your wide but tight lipped smile.

You stay above decks giving them privacy feeling only the slightest twinge of jealousy. Not because you think you’ve been excluded but because you could use another session like last night.

A shiver runs deep in your belly thinking of the way Helmut brought you to climax, but you’re still more than happy to give them time alone. After all, you’ve had the Baron to yourself for far longer than Bucky.

You sink down onto the upper deck sofa, the image of them entwined, the sounds of their heavy breathing and Bucky’s near innocent moans enough to make you consider touching yourself but you wait, letting the urge build, one of them if not both will take care of you later.

So when Bucky comes up and finds you with a funny look on his face you’re completely confused. “Whats wrong?” You ask putting your book down.

He’s poured a drink and sits down beside you on the couch.

“I don’t know if I can do it.” He says shaking his head tossing back the bourbon.

“Do what?” You have an idea but you thought for sure he’d be eager to try, at least it looked like they were well on their way to his first time.

“Letting him control me, I’ve never had someone tell me no. Not like this.”

“Oh” You smile. It’s the no sex. The lack of it is a cruel form of control but the end results are glorious, if he could just be patient enough. “He won’t let you come?” You ask a little more patronizing than you’d intended.

“No!” Bucky whines taking his cue from you and you stifle your laughter. He’s so cute, even in the throws of his sexual agony. “And it’s making me crazy. I mean I’m already crazy but this is different.” He looks around and leans closer to you. “If you were to so much as look at my cock right now, I’d be done.” He says under his breath.

You let go and laugh rolling your eyes. Dramatics seem to come as naturally as submission to him. “That’s against the rules.” You warn eyeing him sidelong and attempting to go back to your book.

“I can’t take it. Fuck the rules.” He says again pulling the paperback from your hand.

You wave your finger in his face. “James. You’re not allowed.” You say playfully.

“Please.” He begs running his finger down your cheek, brushing your neck and gliding along your clavicle where he knows you’re sensitive.

“I can’t!” You lean away a little surprised by his attempt.

“He won’t know!”

You shake your head “I know but…” You try not to smile.

“I can’t take it.” He insists leaning in to kiss you. “I promise; it won’t take long.”

You give in and laugh sensing his desperation as you kiss. He does feel tense. The muscles of his arm and shoulder are wound tight as a chord. You smile against his lips letting him ease you down onto the couch, your book dropping to the floor as he moans, sliding his hand down your thigh, pushing your knee up and his own hips forward letting you feel what you’re fairly certain is the most rock solid hard on you’ve ever had pressed to your body. You whisper his name as his lips find their way to your neck and his hand slides between you to free himself from those amazing shorts.

“Shame, I had every intention of making your patience worth the effort. But you do love to prolong your torment, don’t you soldat.”

You gasp and Bucky hangs his head as Zemo comes sauntering over. Your laughter is a mix of nerves and feeling like you’ve been caught sneaking around with a boy like a damn teenager. It’s been years since you’ve felt a rush like this. Leave it to the Baron to stir that old excitement again.

“Don’t move” Zemo orders, pointing a finger in your face. You freeze, legs open where Bucky was, your arms tight at your sides. “Sit” He growls at Bucky who obeys begrudgingly as he slides back onto the couch.

Very quickly Zemo shoves your legs closed and grabs you by the arm pulling you up to standing. You lean away as he shakes his head keeping you close, his hold so tight you wince “I thought you knew better by now” He scolds you sounding disappointed.

“I told him not too?” You try looking as innocent as possible. You truly had no intentions of fucking him, but maybe a quick hand job?

There is a flicker of excitement in Zemo’s eyes. It's been so long since you’ve given him a reason to really go for it and you hold in your smile because you’re meant to be sad and hang your head. “I’m sorry Baron.”

He ignores your attempts to apologize and pulls you over so that you’re standing in front of Bucky. He looks you both over for a moment thinking and then smiles. You don’t know if you love or hate to see him looking so pleased. Nothing “good” ever comes of that smile.

“Look James.” He says, waiting until Bucky raises his head. “I want you to see what listening to your eager cock and not my rules get gets you— and her.” He tells Bucky before giving you his undivided attention.

Zemo turns your back to Bucky and you feel his hand between your shoulder blades pushing just a little. You bend at the waist, not all the way, just enough to make sure Bucky knows where his attention should be.

This flouncy little designer sun dress you’ve changed into after your nap only helps direct his gaze as Zemo drags the fabric up slowly so that the reveal of your ass is yet another way to torment him all on its own and you give yourself over to the Baron and wonder how bad this will be.

“Pull them down.” He tells you, his hand smoothing over your simple lace panties. His voice is not so angry as it was when he found the two of you, but every bit as firm, and you glance up at him as you hook your thumbs into the waist band. He nods and you quickly obey, pulling your underwear over the curve of your hips and ass and swear you hear Bucky groan when you bend to pull them from your ankles letting him see the diamond shape of your pussy from behind for just a second, your smile hidden from view.

When you stand again, Zemo offers his forearm. You rest your stomach against him, your hand gripping his shirt, the other you will have to try very hard not to cover your backside with because you know that the breeze will be the last nice thing that you feel.

He tosses your dress back up holding you, adjusting the way he stands just a little so that you are safe but immobile.

“Count them off; to five.” He says leaning just a bit closer. The tone in his voice is confident. Zemo knows that you’re well aware of what this means.

“Yes Baron.” You say exhaling, trying to prepare, but five? Fuck. He does not intend on holding back. If he was being playful he would give you ten or more, but five? He knows you won’t be able to take more that that.

You dig your fingers into his forearm and hold your breath.

The first strike makes you cry out.

The way Zemo can raise his hand and bring it down on your ass is unrivaled. He doesn’t mess around. There is no teasing, no playing, no cute little taps to warm you up. Just instant punishment.

“One.”

Your voice shakes and the rousing heat of adrenaline spreads through your arms and legs.

Again he lifts his hand and brings it down quickly with a stinging force that sends shock waves through your body. Your cry is weaker this time, trailing longer.

“Two.”

You pull his shirt tighter into your fist, your cheeks are on fire already when you feel the air stir as his hand rises again. You wonder if Bucky is watching, you wonder if he see’s how your thighs flex and your flesh shakes when the Baron strikes you.

You close your eyes and draw in your bottom lip trying not to moan, but you arch your back and your hips begin to circle ever so slightly with the anticipation of the next smack. You’re practically whimpering as you offer up your backside for more.

Zemo can feel the light vibration of pleasure sounding in your chest and his laughter is a low, very amused rumble as he raises his hand just a little higher this time.

The next smack lands and you toss your head back with a gasp. You would have gone to your knees if he wasn’t strong enough to hold you up. “Three” You whisper but you don’t move. The air brushes your pussy, wet in spite of your reddening skin.

“Don’t look away.” Zemo says.

There is the answer to your previous question. Bucky likes it, but it’s not always easy for him to watch.

“James!” Zemo snaps and waits. Bucky must be looking again because you feel the Baron move.

The fourth strike comes and you steady yourself knowing you can take it, wanting it, loving it as much as your feel your legs shaking. “Four”

You’re breathing hard, as you anticipate the final blow, desperate for it to be over but sorry for it to end. You rest against him for just a second feeling both safe in his hold and powerless to his dominance.

When the last of your punishment lands you hang your head, rounding your spine unable to offer yourself anymore. You can not pretend and this is why he’s given you so few.

Letting your hips drop as your body shudders and a single tear falls, you whisper, “Five” And only Helmut hears you say it.

Very gently he pulls your dress down, the soft cotton is cool over your burning skin and he turns you around to face him.

He brushes the tear from your cheek, holding you in such a way that you can go limp in his arms. “It wasn’t that bad, you’re just out of practice.” He says smiling at you knowing it wasn’t kind either.

You’d love for him to know just once. Maybe let Bucky give him a slap across the ass to make it fair. But when you look at him the thought is all wrong if not hilarious and you just shrug a little and hang your head again, resting on his chest.

“No breaking rules.” He scolds affectionately, “Even if you’re only trying to help. Understood?”

“Yes Baron.” Your voice is very small.

He gives a nod, kisses your forehead and looks over his shoulder at James. “So, is this what you wanted?”

“No.”

“No… no I don’t think it is.” He agrees. “But I understand. She’s damn near impossible to resist still you must learn to control yourself. Apparently I’ve not made that clear. Perhaps a more direct approach.”

You both look at him wide eyed. What’s more direct than this you think not even close to recovered from your spanking.

“Both of you, go down to our bedroom.” He says as though nothing has ever been more obvious “Take off your clothes. Wait for me on the bed.”

You look at Bucky. He looks at you.

“You fucked up,” You mouth to him.

Bucky just gets up and pushes past you both.

“I suppose you could say I’ve had to get creative with my plans for you. I know that pain is something you can’t respond to in ways that she can.” Zemo says, smiling as he glances down at Bucky and then over his shoulder at you on your knees behind him. “Have you finished?”

You look up from what you’re doing, hoping it’s right. “Yes, I think so?”

He comes around to look at the rope binding Bucky’s wrists. It’s just for show to heighten the experience. Of course Bucky could break free if he wanted to— his strength is no match for a few rough fibers— but this is a training of the mind as well as the body. “You see, pleasure can be just as awful.” Zemo says, his voice making you shiver as he checks your work, tugging and tightening the rope a little more.

Leaning in close, he strokes Bucky’s jaw, his finger reaching to trace the spine of his ear and you smile when the hairs on Bucky’s right arm raise and Zemo loses the air of control for a second simply becoming the man who cares for the other deeply. “The irony of tying you to a chair to satisfy you is not lost on me, based on what I know of your past. But if you can endure it, I promise it will be nothing like the pain you’ve known. I could never hurt you in that way. Still, if at any time this is too much, if it triggers memories that change it from what it’s meant to be, please— James— say the word, your word and it stops.”

Bucky nods. “I will” He says softly.

“Nothing now?” Zemo asks genuinely wanting to know. Bucky shakes his head. “No, nothing.”

Zemo gives a confident nod and kisses the back of Bucky’s head patting his cheek a little harder than he needs too. “I only want to make you feel good— eventually.” He teases and Bucky rolls his eyes with a small laugh.

Pleased, Zemo pushes up and goes to sit in the soft chair across the room, notably more comfortable than the one Bucky has been placed in. Although the more obvious differences being, Zemo is not bound, Zemo is not naked, and Zemo has not been so gently stroked and toyed with that he’s been left with a perfectly vulnerable erection like Bucky has.

You’d had a hard time focusing on the ropes as the Baron made it happen. The way he’d taken Bucky in hand, winding down the length of his sex was in a word, mesmerizing. And when Bucky made that sound, that soft, pleading sound and Zemo stopped — his brow raised with such smug confidence— you wondered who would break first, you or Bucky. He’d quickly brought his hand up with one last tease, his fingers swirling around the curving head of Bucky’s member only to let go as though he’d lost interest.

Bucky’s groan was deep. He was beyond frustrated, but instead of breaking out of his restrains and fucking one of the two of you, he sat there just waiting to be punished for breaking rules in the first place.

He watches as you come and kneel before him, naked yourself as you’ve been told to be. He actually looks slightly scared but mostly curious. His erection is as always flawlessly pretty, arching up and back, smooth while perfectly veined and so inciting.

You only know what it is you’re meant to do to him because you’ve had it done to you before. You figure it’s very similar, only the mechanics are different because his is a man. If Zemo doesn’t approve, he’ll tell you.

The Baron in charge picks up his drink, the ice rattling as he takes a sip and lets the scene settle in his sights for a moment. He likes to see the two of you together, his two helpless things— his to play with and his to love.

“Begin.”

Bucky inhales, but you smile at him to show that it won’t hurt— it’ll just drive him mad.

First you take the little bottle of body oil from the floor and put some in your hands rubbing them together.

He raises his brow watching you and starts to relax thinking he might understand now. You take him in hand and start to stroke, you are after all very good at this. Over and over again, up and down his long, thick shaft, curving your hand over the head of his cock until he moans and rolls his eyes shut. When he opens them he does seem a bit confused by this sudden attention and he flashes a smile because it feels so good. If this is all that’s been planned, he could get used to this sort of punishment.

The room is quiet, there’s nothing but the soft hum of the ship, his breathing and the wonderfully obscene sound of the oil you’re using against his skin as you work faster…

It’s not long before you feel him stiffen and his breath grows quicker, his thighs flex, his hips raise an inch and he starts to moan softly, a staccato sound of pleasure that makes even your heart beat faster. He’s been waiting and suffering through so much you can feel the joy of release seeping into every inch of his body.

“You feel it happening?” Zemo asks softly. “The start, the pressure mounting? You see, she is very good. And she will get you there James, every time— right to the edge”

You yank your hand away and he jerks forward mouth open cock twitching with the start of an orgasm he will not have.

“To the edge” Zemo chuckles. “A cruel punishment for a greedy man who must learn to wait.”

Bucky quickly lifts his head, the realization flashing in his eyes as his chest rises and falls. He looks down at you.

You smile and reach for him again.

“Please” He begs breathless.

“Not yet” Zemo says leaning forward a bit in his seat, the drink in his hand all but forgotten. You notice the ice has long since melted as you wait for permission, watching over your shoulder.

He gives you a nod and you turn back to Bucky.

Wrapping your hand around him again, you feel him so solid he’s like stone. His thighs are flexed, his hips raise up in the chair as you begin to jerk your hand up and down and the light reflecting off the oil makes you both shine like gold.

He moans and you watch the muscles of his abs flex as he feels the orgasm coming on, helpless to it and your skilled hand.

“I’m going to come.” He groans sounding sorry for and drops his hips.

“No, you won’t. I did not say that you can” Zemo says like the villain behind you.

“I can’t it hold back” Bucky pants, his voice is thin he sounds like he very well might lose control and you feel him pulse in your palm. You twist your hand around sliding it down to the base thinking it might help hold him off if your focus is less near the collection of nerve endings.

Zemo stands and comes to you, tapping your shoulder. You let him go with a quick up and down and Bucky’s disappointment is the saddest thing you’ve ever heard.

When Zemo looks down at the wonderfully pitiful sight, Bucky shuts his eyes. “Yellow.” He whispers. “Please, yellow.”

“All right.” Zemo says kindly and gives his head a rub. “Rest”

“Thank you.” Bucky manages.

You stand not caring what Zemo says and kiss Bucky’s cheek.

“You okay?” You ask, your hand on his shoulder, lifting his chin to look at his face.

“Please… don’t, don’t touch me for a minute?” He asks and you give an embarrassed laugh understanding his request. You’re not exactly innocent in his torment.

“Of course I’m sorry I…” Your sentence is cut off.

Zemo has you by the back of your arms and pulls you tight against him. “You, not her.”

Bucky sighs dropping his head.

“I’m still confused. Is, this what you wanted?” He asks feigning ignorance though with you naked its clear what Zemo means.

Bucky won’t look.

“Answer me.”

“No, I mean— yes Baron.” He concedes.

You feel Zemo’s laugh along your neck. “You wouldn’t have been fast enough to finish before I found you. Well, maybe you, but not her. Tell me, how quickly can you make her come?”

“What?”

“How quickly?”

You shut your eyes as soon as you realize where this is going.

“I don’t know. I mean she always got there.” Bucky says sounding slightly self conscious.

Zemo smiles. “Two minutes. I can finish her off in just two.”

“Ha!” Bucky doesn’t believe him, who would.

Oh Bucky…

“Tell him it’s true.” Zemo leans towards you.

You nod glancing at them both. “He does this… thing.” You tell Bucky. “He works my spot and my clit at the same time and I come. Fast.” You say simply and totally helpless to it.

“It’s not always the most fun, rarely my first choice; but great when we’re in a hurry.” He shrugs and takes a knee before you even realize that he has. “Open your legs.” He says looking up at you.

Your eyes go wide, surprised to see him down and waiting with Bucky watching. Still, you part your thighs and wisely lay your hands on his shoulders knowing you won’t be able to stay upright without the support.

“This? Right James? This warm, tight, safe place? This is what you wanted?” Zemo asks, teasing Bucky with the way he slides his fingers between your velvet soft folds. You feel him turn his hand and his finger circles your entrance. He sighs and takes hold of your hip to keep you in place.

Two fingers slip inside and you hiss against the stretch, biting your lip as your head lolls to the side. You try to hold in the loudest of your noise but it’s hopeless.

The Baron starts to do his thing and you wonder if you might be able to deny him the pleasure of making you come in front of Bucky again, but just like always you end up gripping his shoulders to keep from falling as he does a perfect come hither with his two fingers as his thumb rubs with the perfect amount of pressure on your throbbing clitoris. He can’t resist and licks your peak for good measure until you hold your breath as he sucks sloppily and until you come on his hand and just as quickly as always. Your wild moaning is nearly feral but you could not care less. It makes you smile to hear him laugh softly so pleased with himself and you and your eyes shut as you pant, catching your breath.

Lowering your head, your eyes only half open, you both look over at Bucky who is glaring at the Baron.

“James.”

“Yes.”

“Stop breaking the rules.”

“Yes Baron.” He says giving in completely.

Zemo smiles and slowly pulls his fingers free from you, raising his hand just enough to show them so wet and sticky and glistening. He kisses your belly and looks up at you. “Go lie down.” He says rubbing your stomach, smoothing his hand over your soft tuft of hair. You’re still floating as you do, happy to go and rest and leave them to it.

“Would you like to come now?” You hear Zemo ask Bucky as he gets up and goes around the chair.

“Please.” Bucky whispers watching you sink down onto the bed on your side.

“I can finish you off just as quickly as I did her.”

“Yes. Please.” He begs through clenched teeth rising up again as if presenting himself to be relieved, the steady rush of blood to his lower half turning his cock a darker shade of desperate as it rises up like a tower ready to fall. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.” He pants “I’m sorry I tried to fuck her. I’m sorry for breaking your rules. And I will do anything, please just… fuck. Please!”

Helmut leans down hushing him, pressing his face close to Bucky’s, grabbing him around the chest as his left hand comes reaching over his stomach promising an end to the day’s long torment.

He grips the soldiers gorgeous, endlessly taunted dick; your natural lubricant replacing the oil to help glide his fingers along.

When Zemo starts to work Bucky you can see through the look on his face that this is all he’s wanted to do for so long and you are reminded that this is as much the Baron’s discipline as it is yours— as it is Bucky’s.

Bucky makes a deep sound that gets your attention. His body flexes and you think he looks like a bomb ready to blow. A sexy, finely muscled, lightly tanned bomb with a look of pained excitement as his legs open and his jaw flexes.

“Are you mine James?” Zemo asks, his lips brushing his ear,

“Yes” He says pitifully raising his hips, thrusting once into the Baron’s hand just as Zemo lets go. A deep frown fixes between Bucky’s brows as he waits until Zemo grabs again and starts to perfectly stroke him.

Bucky’s mouth opens, his eyes fix on the incredibly hypnotic rhythm of Zemo’s hand.

“You’ve always been mine haven’t you?”

“Yes!” Bucky nearly shouts, his brows turned down with the exquisite anguish of the nearing release.

“Say it again,” Zemo demands, his right arm tight around Bucky, his eyes shut relishing in the control and the love, you listen to the wet rhythm as it gets faster.

“Yes.”

“Say it!”

“I’ve always been yours” Bucky moans loudly and glances over at you unable to keep your hand away from your pussy selfishly wanting to come again.

“Once more.” Helmut says opening his eyes. The muscle of his arm is flexed beautifully as he pounds.

Bucky moans so similarly to you that Helmut just smiles. He knows, he understands the hold he has over you both.

“I’m yours” Bucky manages and the Baron focuses his movement as if pulling the orgasm from Bucky’s body willing it to come forward. He jerks his hand up and away…but this time he’s finished the job.

He holds Bucky as the man cries out, his hips rising high this time, his cock pulsing with a tight up and down as he finally —god, finally— gives a high pitched groan with that first explosive release of come that shoots past his stomach and onto his own chest followed by equally satisfying spasms that send milky droplets flying free into the air and across his stomach onto Zemo’s arms; Bucky’s groaning and gasping near tears with the absolute exhaustion and relief of his well deserved climax, his moans and gasps of surprise so raw and unaffected.

By the time he lowers back down to the chair unable to do much more than sit there, limp and panting with his eyes closed, Helmut is holding him, caring nothing for the mess. He seems to love the sight of the pearlescent results of Bucky’s incredible orgasm as much as you do.

Smiling as he strokes Bucky’s hair, kissing his temple, he says with a tone only Helmut Zemo could manage at a moment like this, “You see. When you listen to me, I make it worth every second, every moment of torment. Yes?”

Bucky nods but it’s weak.

Zemo chuckles softly, kisses him again and reaches down easily undoing the ropes.

“Look at you both.” He says trying to sound angry, as if it’s not all his fault. “You can’t come to dinner like this. I’ll run a bath.”

He leaves Bucky and comes to the bed bending over you, his hand so sticky from the combination is heavy on your belly as he kisses your lips. “Hows your ass?” He asks.

“Still on fire.” You say and he winks as he rises.

“Good."

“You’re pretty quiet over there.” Bucky says splashing you from across the large tub. You’ve both been in for a while now after Zemo took a quick shower and left you alone letting you know he’d be up waiting at the dinner table.

Roused from your daydream but still not sure you want to talk about why you’re so quiet, you glance over and shrug.

“Whats wrong? You’re not mad about what happened are you?” Bucky asks sliding a little closer. The tub is surprisingly big in an already large bathroom and yet again you wonder how you’ll return to real life when this all ends.

“What happened?” You ask him.

“Getting you in trouble? He really put a shine on your backside.” Bucky says, a smile breaking through any attempt at being serious.

You sit up surprised to hear that’s what he thinks it could be. “Ha! No. Not at all. That was amazing… god” You tip your head back, the image of Bucky, naked and tired to a chair with Zemo holding him and whispering in his ear will be seared into your mind for life. “I didn’t know you could come that much.” You say, slowly looking back down at him,trying not to giggle.

“Neither did I.” He says practically blushing before he grins. “Same goes for you.” He tosses right back.

You laugh and roll your eyes. “Okay well we both know he’s capable of turning us into sex crazed idiots apparently.” You say with a cheeky grin and Bucky laughs shaking his head with a sigh.

“What is it? Some Sokovian spell or something, magic from the old world?” Bucky says with a thick accent wiggling his wet soapy fingers in the air.

Laughing you scrunch your nose. “Nah, that’s all him. Just wait until you’ve been around him long enough to get to the good stuff.”

“The good stuff!” He looks shocked “Well what the hell is all this!”

“This is amazing, but it not… well it’s not him. Theres so much more than sex. Watching tv. Eating dinner in bed. Naps— once he read to me.” You say with a sigh and the room goes silent as you both slip into a day dream laced with Helmuts beautiful voice surrounding you as he reads the classics on a warm summer night…

“You think he sits around daydreaming about us like this?” Bucky asks with a frown. “I worry sometimes.”

“Really?” You ask looking into his big blue eyes. Hundred years old and still so sweet. “Of course he does. Bucky, he wouldn’t have done any of this if he didn’t spend as much time thinking of us as we do him. Don’t be so naive”

He nods looking out the window and you know he’s just out of practice. He probably had a swarm of girls around him back when his life was normal. Maybe even a secret guy. But how long ago had that been. And since he’d been released from the words, his only real time spent with anyone has been with the two of you. For a moment you wonder if that’s fair. He should go out on dates or something, but then again you did try to get him on some apps. He hated them all. Women swiped right like it was their job of course, but he thought it was strange and wanted to meet them the old fashioned way but when he did he could only focus on what he didn’t like and just compared them to you— and Zemo.

“Hey.” You get his attention again. “I mean it, I’m really not upset about anything that happened earlier. Thanks for being such a rule breaker.” You say with a wink.

“No problem” He laughs as if that was his intention. Bucky’s expression softens as he sits back, the water rocking under the bubbles.

Bubbles. Talk about a diva, is anyone is on this big ass boat it’s him. Two adults having a bath drawn from them; why not throw in the bubbles. You roll your eyes ignoring the way your chest gets tight with the feel of being so adored and loving every second of his over the top ways and focus on Bucky who looks stunning in the bath— your heart sinking just a little.

“So what is it?” He asks unaware of your many distractions.

You look back to the window staring up at the sky for a while. “I’m just… sad.” You say giving in to the truth “I mean, I’m thrilled being here. But I’ve had this idea that I could talk you into staying with us. I keep imagining this life with you and Helmut and I know it can’t happen for so many reasons but I’m stubborn and spoiled. I truly hate not getting my way. So I keep thinking, maybe.”

He goes quiet now understanding, and then you feel his hand on your knee under the water. “I know. I’ve thought about it too. Maybe a little too much. Definitely enough that I’ve almost convinced myself it could work, but no. It just wouldn’t.”

You press your lips hesitant to say in case you might offend him but decide to just go for it. “And you’re sure it’s not just that you miss it? Saving the world and everything? I mean, I can see how it would be appealing— from controlled killer to stoic hero.” You tease gently, wiggling your brows up and down until he laughs a little, probably more annoyed than you’d like, and whatever facade you’d put on crumbles. The look of heartbreak turns your brows down, twisting your face with the agony of losing him. He looks surprised to see you so broken about it and finds your hand through the water.

“Hey hey hey.” He pulls but you’re not in the mood to be comforted. Bucky hates when you don’t let him coddle you, but he knows better than to fight it so he simply answers your question. “Yes.Well. No I mean, it’s nice. But honestly, if you really want to know, I could get used to being domesticated.” He shrugs letting go of your hand as he looks towards the shower where Zemo was and you swallow the tears that have been overpowered by your intrigue.

Managing a laugh at his expense you poke his arm on the rim of the tub. “Really? By me or Helmut?” You ask and swear you see him blush.

“You’ve already proven you can turn me into a homebody, and happy to be there, so —Maybe both?” He shrugs and there is such a tone of possibility in his statement that you’re instantly transported into a world in which the three of you are living happily. Maybe in this Mediterranean paradise, you’ve just come home from the market with ingredients for a dinner that Bucky has asked you to pick up and you help him cook while music blasts in your small but bright kitchen and you dance around until the house smells delicious and you set the table, flirting and toying with one another until everything looks beautiful before rushing to sit just as your Baron comes through the door…

Even here and now sitting in the tub with you, Bucky looks like the sweetest house husband glowing a soft gold in the light of the sun. What you wouldn’t give to be his forever. His his and hers, you think and your chin quivers with the threat of happy miserable tears.

Bucky isn’t oblivious to your hurting but he’s trying to keep strong, he can’t give in to you, not this time. “We’ll never know if I stick around.” He says and your little vision fades “I think I’ve got one visit, maybe two in me before someone notices an avenger hanging around their town and his cover is blown. You don’t want that. I don’t want that. I’d never forgive myself."

“I know.” You say and only realize that your head is down when his hand, which is covered in white bubbles reaches to lift your chin.

“Hey, come one. None of that. We’ve only got a little bit of time. I just want to make the most of it. Give me enough good memories to finally forget about whats left of the bad.”

You smile and nod, blowing the bubbles away before they go up your nose. “Fine.” You sigh and look back out the window hugging your knees. “Buck, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” He says only cringing a little when you call him Buck.

“Do you think you might ever love him?”

Bucky freezes. He looks— odd. Uncomfortable. Exposed? You realize very quickly that he already does, even if he’s not aware of it and decide not to push him

“It’s okay. I was just curious.” You say and try to calm him with your smile “We come from very different worlds. Letting myself love a man like Helmut Zemo took little to no effort for me, for you— I know why it might come as a shock. But I think you’ll find, when you do admit it to yourself and to him, he might just surprise you with how quickly he says it back.”

#zemo x reader #bucky barns x you #winterbaron #winterbaron x you #buckybarnes/zemo #tfatws #bucky barnes fanfiction #james buchanan barnes #winterbaron fic #baron helmut zemo #zemo #self insert #yacht life #these two #i love them so much #also ouch

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nameless-shrimp · 2 years

Note

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!! ^-^

Semi-edited

It was days like today that Dazai was somewhat thankful for his insomnia. It allowed him to sneak out of bed and around the house without alarms. He wouldn't want to wake his wife and son. Not yet.

Today's Christmas and someone has to place the presents under the tree. Or at least the ones his wife didn't know about. The ones he got special for the two most important people to him. So, with the sun starting to rise, Dazai placed a light kiss on his wife's forehead and got to work.

First, first he placed the placed the presents around the tree. Rearranging all of them so it looked picture perfect. It took a while, but he got it done. Then, Dazai feed Melos, their cat. He couldn't have the cute kitten meowing and waking the others in the house. It wouldn't be to much longer until Haru was awake.

With the presents under the tree and Melos feed, Dazai took out three mugs. One for him and the love of his life to have coffee, and one for Haru to have hot chocolate. As he took out the hot chocolate and readied the coffee machine, he heard tiny foot steps coming down the hall.

"Haru, over here, we don't want to wake mommy just yet. It's still a bit early."

Dazai watched as his young son practically bounce over to him. He seemed to energetic for the time of day, but he supposed all young kids had that kind of energy.

"Daddy! It's Christmas! And look, Santa came!" Haru said excitedly. It brought a smile Dazai's face.

"That's right. But we need to wait for Mommy to open them." Dazai pulled out a Christmas book and walked into the living room. Carrying his son in his arms. "Since it's early, why don't I read you a book until it's time to wake her."

Haru was more than happy with the idea. He's always loved when his dad reads him stories. They were full of colorful pictures. Dazai would even try and do voices for the characters and make Haru laugh. It's quiet a sight to see, and Shrimp was glad she got it all on recording. The video saved for Christmas's in the far future. When Haru has kids or grandkids. But that was sometime from now.

Smiling at the sight of her two boys, she left the camera filming and went to make the coffee and hot chocolate. Carefully she brought the cups over to the living room and set them on the table. Joining her husband and son the couch. They finished the Christmas book together.

Afterwords the three of them had breakfast and opened presents. Even Melos got some new toys. Shrimp made mental note to thank Dazai for the extra gifts. For both her and Haru. That would have to come later though, Haru wanted to play the snow.

Neither Dazai nor Shrimp knew if a perfect day could exist. But they both agreed that this would definitely be considered one.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays!! ^-^ Sounds like you have some really cool stuffs planned for the future. I'm excited for you! Enjoy it all~ just remember to take time to breath and drink lots of water. Love you Shrimp 😊💜

AW DEAR SKY I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

this is absolutely amazing, beautiful, and i am amazed by how wonderful you still are to me to this day 😭🤍🤍 this made me so happy, i am glad to see you in my inbox. i have been super busy but this brought me so much joy in my heart - you're wonderful love, thank you for blessing me with this wonderful piece. hot chocolate with dazai is always a blessing, and you even brought sweet little haru into the picture ☺

I HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL, HUN, i miss you so much!

#AAAH SO CUTE #asks: sky drgn #dazai fics for shrimp!#dazai fics: sky drgn

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thebookreader12345 · 3 years

Text

750 Followers Celebration - Q&A

Thank you so much for supporting me through this journey! You guys don't know how much this means to me. Every single one of you is amazing.

Below the cut are my answers to the questions that you all submitted.

Q: Do you think Jay is going to become Sergeant this season? A: There has been a lot of debate over this question because of the past few seasons and all of the "Easter eggs", like the sergeant exam poster hanging in the background of the show. In my opinion, I do not believe Jay will become Sergeant. Yet. I think it won't be until the beginning of next season because, if this is a possible storyline, I would expect that the producers and writers would make the finale of season 9 about Voight stepping down/getting promoted, etc.

Q: Did Chicago Justice deserve more episodes? A: I'm sort of split with this question. I loved the fact that there was a big episode involving Kevin, and they always included people from Med, Fire, and PD in some of the episodes. However, the whole plot of the episodes was kind of slow because it wasn't like they were police officers and could go out and chase suspects and arrest people and what not. Their job was just to gather the evidence and then present it in court. I think for many, the show fell flat because there wasn't much action, and part of me does agree with that, but the whole idea of the show itself was kind of cool.

Q: What would make you stop watching each Chicago show? A: This is a tough question because I've only ever dropped one show that I can think of, and it was only because the plotline got really dumb. Maybe if some major characters died in each show I'd stop watching it? But then again, I love the One Chicago universe so much that I don't think even that would stop me from watching. So yeah. I really don't know.

Q: Do you believe in magic? A: As much as I would love for magic to be real, I don't believe it is. But I feel like everyone thinks that way. Cause lets be honest, Harry Potter and Disney make magic look so cool. However, we all know deep down somewhere that it's almost impossible for certain things to be real, and magic just so happens to be one of them.

Q: Are you superstitious? A: I'm not the most superstitious person out there, but I do somewhat follow a few superstitions. Whenever I find a penny on the ground with heads facing up, I pick it up because I believe I'll get good luck. Doing the whole "fingers crossed" thing is something I do a lot. I believe you shouldn't open an umbrella in the house or else you'll receive bad luck. Broken mirrors are bad omens. Those are the top 4 I believe in, but other than that, I'm not really too superstitious.

Q: Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? A: I mean, I would hope so. I appreciate my level of smarts, and whenever my friends acknowledge them or compliment me on them it makes my day. However, with that, people think that I'm always only doing things to boost my intelligence. For example, I love to read. So whenever I say that I didn't do much over the weekend, people always assume that I read a bunch, when I really didn't. Or that I always study for tests or do homework like a week before it's do. That is not the case. But for the most part, I believe my perception of myself is the same as how other people perceive me.

Q: Who is your favorite couple on each One Chicago show? A: Okay, so for Med, there aren't really any couples at the moment besides Maggie and Ben, whom I love but they aren't my favorite, so I'm gonna pick a past couple. When I first started Med, Manstead was my prime ship, so I'll choose them. Will had been pining after Natalie for so long so I was glad when they finally got together. For Fire, it's gotta be Kelly and Stella. They were literally made for each other, and they support each other with everything. Also, they are so cute together and all of Firehouse 51 ships them as well! And for PD, while I do love Burzek, Upstead is my favorite ship at the moment. I've seen the connection between Hailey and Jay since season 5. You don't understand how angry I was in season 7 when Hailey was so close to confessing her feelings. So season 8 made me very happy when Jay and Hailey finally got together.

Q: Jay and Lindsey or Jay and Hailey? A: I respect everyone's opinions on this matter, so hopefully you all respect mine. I thought that Erin was almost toxic in a way for Jay. She continuously broke his heart when all he wanted to do was help him. But what really does it for me is that she left Chicago without telling him goodbye. Hailey, on the other hand, has pushed Jay to seek out help when he needed it, like when she recommended he take seeing a therapist seriously to help with his PTSD, and she is always there for him, no matter what. That's why I believe Hailey and Jay are the better pairing.

Q: Which character death got to you the most? A: There have been too many sad deaths in the One Chicago world. But if I had to pick one, I've gotta go with Otis on Chicago Fire. Otis was always one of my favorite characters, even way back when I watched Fire with my dad when it was first coming out. He was witty and funny, and his friendship with Cruz was everything. So, when I watched the episode where he died, I was full on balling. I had to pause the episode for 10 minutes because I couldn't stop.

Q: Who is your favorite character on each show and why? A: I'm gonna do favorite male and female character because I've got too many favorites from each show. On Med, my favorites are Will and Natalie. Will has been my favorite since day one, and I like that he will go out of his way to help patients, even if it means he could get in serious trouble. Natalie, even though she's not in the show, always pushes for the best of care for her patients, and whenever she dealt with kids it was always the sweetest thing. On Fire, I like Kelly and Sylvie. Kelly is so headstrong and driven, and he will do anything to protect the other members of Squad 3. Sylvie is such a hard worker and you can tell she is passionate about her job. I feel so bad that she's had to go through so many partners. On PD I love Jay and Hailey. Jay has not always been my favorite male character. Back when I watched the show for the first time, I adored Adam. However, I love that Jay has such good morals and is always pushing to do the right thing even when Voight disagreed. Now, it took a few episodes for me to warm up to Hailey, but after seeing her be so badass, it was hard not to like her.

Q: Where do you get inspiration for your stories?/How do you get inspiration when there's not a request? A: This question is always hard to answer because I really don't know. Most of the time I'm fulfilling requests sent in by you guys and I just write what comes to the top of my mind. If there are requests that are not requested and I come up with them on my own, chances are I saw the plot somewhere else, like in a book or show or movie, and I just tweaked it a bit to fit the One Chicago universe. Either that happens, or while I'm trying to fall asleep, I make up random scenarios in my head, and if I find one that I really like, I'll make a note of it on my phone so I don't forget it, and then I'll write about it.

Q: Do you think Brett and Casey are endgame? Why or why not? A: I'm gonna go with yes on this one. Now, Brettsey is not one of my top ships in the universe. However, they are cute together, and I've been expecting them to get together for a while. The two of them, even when Gabby was around, had a great relationship and always cared for each other. Plus, Matt jumped out of a firetruck to go help Sylvie when the ambulance flipped. He was willing to risk an injury just to make sure she was okay. And now that they are officially together in Chicago Fire, you can see that they really love and care for each other.

Q: What inspired you to start writing? A: I always seem to get this question whenever I do a q&a, but that's okay because I don't mind talking about it. I first got into stuff like this as a reader. Basically, I went on to Wattpad and Tumblr to read other people's stories. I had no intention of creating my own. And then, one day, I started imagining myself in some of the fandoms I was apart of, and I thought, "If I'm imagining myself in these fandoms, chances are others are too," and I began creating stories that followed the plots of movies and shows exactly, just adding Y/n in it. However, that got tiring after a while because I wasn't able to have much freedom because I was following a set script, and that's when I remembered I had a Tumblr account I never used. So, I revamped my account just a little bit and started posting story ideas I had that I couldn't post on Wattpad because either they didn't fit with the stories or they were for someone I didn't write for on Wattpad. And now, here we are. For anyone interested, I've posted this before but I'll post it again, my Wattpad handle is @Writer_Reader05.

Q: Jay or Will Halstead? A: I'm sorry, but I really can't choose between the two of them. I love them both so much. Will and Jay are two of my favorite characters in the whole One Chicago universe. While they do have some qualities that I'm not the fondest of, at the end of the day, I adore the both of them, and I could never choose between them.

Q: Who would you rather date: Jay or Will Halstead? A: Why do you guys do this to me? I love them both so much! But, if I have to choose, I'm gonna pick Jay. The only reason is because I like the characters in PD more than Med, so if I'm dating Jay, chances are I'm friends with Hailey and Adam and all of Intelligence. Will is just as awesome as Jay though and I feel like sometimes people sleep on that.

Q: Which of the requested fics you’ve written is your favorite? A: I think I'm gonna have to go with a Jay Halstead x reader I wrote titled Two Becomes Three. Something about the plot just makes me smile. And to think of Jay being a father......So yeah, while I have so many amazing requested fics thanks to you all, that one has to be one of my favorites.

Q: What’s your favorite series you’ve written so far? A: I love all of the series I have written. Something about creating a whole story that's more than just one part is always fun. If I have to pick one series, I'm gonna pick On the Loose. It was the first series I wrote on Tumblr and the plot of it is something I'm really proud of. However, From the Big Apple to the Windy City, Identity Loss, and Difference of Opinion are all amazing! The first two are finished series and the last one still has a few chapters left to go. Go check them out if you haven't already.

Q: What's your favorite imagine you've come up with and why? A: I don't have a lot of fics that are solely my ideas. Most of my stories have plots that were sent in by you all. However, if I had to pick a favorite out of my stories, it'd be Back Home for Christmas, a Halstead Sister fic I released when I was somewhat new to the platform. Something about writing sibling fics always makes me happy because I get to express the familial side to the characters.

Q: If you had to be roommates with 5 of your mutuals/fellow writers, who would you pick and why? A: I love all of my fellow writers/mutuals so much! I know how much work we put into whatever we post, and most of us are very active on this site. As for who I would pick to be my roommates, I'd choose @hereforhalstead @fighterkimburgess @halsteadlover @resanoona @sylviebrettsey because I feel like we'd all have great conversations, mainly over One Chicago. And every Wednesday night we'd all watch the episodes live together and experience them as a group and then freak out over what happened..........Now watch me fantasize about this all day.

Q: Do you listen to music when you write? A: It depends. On some days when I plan that I'm gonna write, then yes, I do put on some music. When there are days that I have a few minutes to spare, I don't put on music just because I'm only writing for a few minutes and I don't want to waste time. But mostly when I'm writing I do play music in the background.

Q: Do you know how your fics/stories end before you finish writing it? A: This is a really interesting question. The answer is no, I do not know how I'm gonna end a fic before I finish writing it. The only story I had a set ending for was my series On the Loose, but that one wasn't even fully planned out until I got a chapter or two in. Obviously, if I get a request that includes a set ending, like two characters get together or something like that, then I know what the ending will be. Otherwise, I have no clue.

Q: Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? A: You know, I can't say that I have. Everyone is different in their own way, and that's what makes us all unique. I would imagine if I did meet someone with a similar personality we'd get along because we'd basically be a carbon copy of each other, but who knows. Maybe our similar personalities would cause us to clash.

Q: Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? A: Not really. I know myself more than anyone else so I know what my limits are and when I've reached them. With people, on the other hand, I always feel like they can be doing more with themselves and their lives. So I do not hold myself to higher standards than others.

Thank you to all of you who sent in questions! I never thought I'd reach 750 followers on this platform. The only reason I have is all thanks to you wonderful people out there!

@winterberryfox @maximeevansblog @scarletsoldierrr @i-like-sparkly-things @dreamingmanip @soph0864 @ryliegh8 @lorenakaspersen @wanniiieeee @nevertoofarfromivar @securityfriendly-jay @pinkbay-love @stephie123

#one chicago #q&a time #q&a session #question and answer #750 followers

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athys-obelia · 3 years

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of swords and rubies

synopsis: on athanasia de alger obelia's eighteenth birthday, she sits in the ruby palace awaiting her father's present - a sweet little mandate sentencing her to death. the news his personal guard arrives with, though, is quite the different from what she expects.

character/s: athanasia de alger obelia, claude de alger obelia, felix robane

part: one / ?

warning/s: mentions of death / execution, poisoning, tlp!claude is a shit dad, tlp!felix supremacy

|•| ruby palace |•| 10:45 am |•|

"a visitor from the emperor's place, your highness."

lilian york's voice has always carried the same gentleness. for as long as she can remember, athanasia has heard softness, music, safety, in lily - the voice of a mother. the realisation, long overdue, hits her as she inquires after her mysterious guest. i've never addressed lily as such, have i?

the brunette tries for a smile. "it is his majesty's personal guard, princess, sir felix from the robane duchy. i have hannah showing him to the visitors' lounge - perhaps the knight comes bearing good news?"

the blonde princess smiles, nodding hopefully. it's all she can do for lily, she guesses, the woman who cared for her like one of her own. just as lily's smile never dimmed once during the past eighteen years, athanasia supposes she must now return the favour.

but lily never saw her father's eyes that night.

lily hadn't seen his stance harden at the mere sight of her.

the malice, the poison in claude de alger obelia's voice wasn't directed at lily.

so lily couldn't possibly know. for all athanasia knows claude could be in his study, spinning a roulette wheel to decide how to have her executed. he'd want her gone by the earliest, she assumes, probably before jennette can wake and intercede for her - or evidence is found towards the actual culprit.

either way, if the least she could do was comfort lily somewhat with a little, hopeful smile, then the smile would be priority.

|•| ruby palace |•| 11:00 am |•|

"sir," athanasia greets, recoiling as the knight grins at her. she'd heard stories of the atmosphere in the imperial palace, the deceptive, snake-like nature of noble court - surely, with a father so prominent in both politics and obelia's military, felix robane was one to be vary of.

and - being her father's personal guard would require being similarly ruthless and cunning, would it not? this smiley knight could always be the one poisoning her father against her behind their backs.

"to what do i owe this pleasure?"

the redhead attempts lightening the mood with another bright grin. "greetings to the star of the obelian empire. may the gods' blessings be with you, princess. today, i have come as a messenger regarding his majesty's wish that you join him for breakfast-"

"-wh, what? no, i... i'm not going anywhere with you."

felix robane's natural smile falls. "what is it, princess?"

athanasia steps backwards in defense as the knight tries comforting her, a trembling hand raised to cover her mouth. "y-you can tell his majesty i won't...won't be joining him."

"but, princess-"

not daring to move her eyes from the redhead, athanasia reaches for an hourglass resting on the mantle beside her, holding it up in defense. "go back. go and tell the emperor to send me the death warrant himself. there's no need to build such a roundabout way of-"

felix grimaces. "you may be misunderstanding the situation, prin-"

"-don't 'princess' me. if he has the guts, have my father tell me his decision himself. you can't force me to leave. i won't, i won't be led out of my home with you pretending as if everything is fine."

the knight holds up his hands in surrender. "you have the higher status of the two of us, your highness, i wouldn't dare pushing you into anything you do not like. i'm afraid you cannot refute the emperor's word, however. but...but if your highness has questions, i can promise to answer with complete honesty."

"how can i trust you?"

felix taps his chin in thought. "as a knight, my value is measured not by my skill, but the trust put in me by those i am pledged to. my oath is to the obelian emperor. you, princess, are his majesty's heir, so as along as your commands do not undermine the emperor's, you are included in the oath."

athanasia blinks, studying the knight. he seems to be curling into himself so as to not be percieved as a threat. she watches his careful movements, irate. "i read a book once..." she starts, feeling self conscious all of sudden. do i sound like a madwoman?

felix robane nods eagerly. "i was told the princess was an avid reader."

she flushes, glaring at her lap. "...anyway, in the book, the king's sister married a traitor, and because they were technically royalty, he couldn't just kill them under charges of treason. so instead, the king had their food poisoned."

athanasia watches the subtext register on the knight's face. "your highness...no, i- his majesty has no such thing planned. i can assure you - the matter is actually quite the opposite."

"...is it?"

he stares at his lap before looking up at her determinedly. "i can't say i know how your highness feels about your father, but...he needs you right now." felix sighs softly, "as you know, her highness the princess jennette hasn't yet regained consciousness. this makes you his majesty's most favourable heir."

athanasia stares at the hourglass in her hand before setting it down. interest piqued, she eyes the fidgeting knight. "why would you bring this up, sir robane, and to me of all people? is the emperor perhaps...ill?"

the look in the redhead's eyes is more than enough confirmation. athanasia grips the arm of her seat. "he has been having the strangest migraines ever since...well, a little after your debut, actually. except lately, these headaches seem to be weakening him. quite a lot."

a cold sweat creeping up her neck, athanasia downs a glass of water before turning to the distressed knight. "i assume you want my assistance in hiding this from the nobles. since jennette isn't here."

"essentially, yes." he nods once more. "with all the commotion surrounding princess jennette, both the nobles and commoners are watching the palace diligently. the factions are too divided - of course, a large portion of the nobles support princess jennette as your father's heir, most of them being blood purists, while an equally large believe you are more competent, having been raised in the palace. regrettably, it isn't just the nobles - we have a delegation arriving at the palace soon enough to settle matters regarding the southern territory. we cannot afford weakening his majesty's image, not right now."

her eyes flicker to the obelian coat of arms on felix's shoulder, and the sigil of house robane embroidered on his cloak. "i don't suppose i have much of choice in the matter - but since urgency of the situation affects my country, i doubt i would've refused anyway. but, sir felix..." she pauses, studying his expression, "my father's palace doesn't garuntee my safety. so i must call on your oath as a knight now."

"of course, your highness." hesitantly, as if he held a china doll in his hands, felix murmurs, "it can be a chance to get closer to his majesty, too. er - that is, if only your highness wishes it to be."

nodding, athanasia stares at her hands. "...perhaps."

|•| emperor's palace |•| 3:00 pm |•|

with her father's stare scrutinising her every move, she bows deeply in greeting.

his gaze is different, athanasia notices. the malice is gone. the hatred has dissipated.

now, as if she were a complicated math problem, claude de alger obelia stares her down, a spark of challenge alight in his eyes. "don't worry your head too much about it," he starts, "i haven't called you here for any special reason."

"...i see."

he tilts his head curiously, studying her reactions still. "oh? what's this? no declarations of love today? no pleading for attention? you're strangely quiet for someone so full of demands."

she fidgets with her dress, a deep red blooming on her cheeks in embarrassment. "i apologise if my words troubled your majesty."

claude nods slowly, eyes tracing her unkempt hair. "you overestimate yourself, princess."

athanasia inhales sharply. what does he want?

"felix's method of conveying information is a bit... exaggerated, at times," the blonde emperor says, watching her grimace under his stare, "i'm here to clear up any misunderstandings he may have unknowingly planted."

"ye, yes?"

claude's hand lands on his sheathed sword. athanasia blood freezes as he pulls it out, slowly, eyes not moving from hers. "i'm assuming you've been told of the council being held tomorrow. it will be your unofficial entrance into politics, so i hope there won't be any...mistakes. you'll need the nobility's support."

she nearly snorts. you wouldn't hesitate in burying anyone who dared look jennette in the eyes, i'm sure. still, athanasia tries smiling - lily always smiled whenever she was unsure of what to say, after all - and lets go of her skirt, nodding. "there won't be any."

the last time she spoke to her father, she'd known that whether or not he decided on mercy, she wouldn't be talking to him again. thus the courage to empty her heart, lighten her shoulders. now... now, athanasia didn't know what to think. how to act.

she flinches when he speaks, hands tracing the edge of the blade lightly. "do think this sword is important to me, athanasia?"

an odd warmth courses through her at the sound of her name. or was it because of the voice, the owner of the voice? she honestly couldn't tell. "your majesty..." athanasia swallows - what's the right answer? - "i would assume so. i'm no knight, of course...but, a sword is effective for both defense and offense in battle. and i hear your majesty's swordsmanship is unrivaled in obelia, so...yes, i think."

she watches claude draw in a long breath, staring at the weapon. "it's interesting that you think so. but at the end of the day, the sword is just another weapon, isn't it? i can always have better ones at the flick of my wrist."

"your...majesty?"

a drop of blood runs down the emperor's finger as he runs it along the edge of the blade. "it is useful, isn't it? at least...as long as i decide it is. a simple tool's value will always be decided by me, after all."

cold dread settles into athanasia's bones. "i...i see, sire."

nodding approvingly, claude de alger obelia places the beautiful sword in her hands. "happy birthday, princess."

#wmmap #sbapod #who made me a princess #suddenly became a princess one day #claude de alger obelia #athanasia de alger obelia #anastacius de alger obelia #felix robane #felix robain

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nightxlight9 · 3 years

Text

Inspired from birth ｜ Emptiness that you want to hug

Dialogue with the Bungei Prize-winning author.

Tono Haruka, who received the Akutagawa Prize (1) less than a year after the 2019 Bungei Prize (2), and Sakurai Atsushi, the frontman of BUCK-TICK, who continues to play an active role in music culture after their major debut in 1987 and who this September celebrated 33 years from that day. As if real father and son, as artists of different genres - what do they feel and get from coexistence? That which was not told before; what I always wanted to hear. Here, for the first time, is presented a dialogue that pushes creative boundaries.

ᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠ Resonant feelings

Sakurai: I didn’t think the day would come when we could talk like that. I am very grateful.

Tono: Likewise, thank you very much.

— Sakurai-san, when you read Tono-san’s novel, what impression did it leave on you?

Sakurai: Cultivation shocked me. Not in the sense that I didn’t like it - it is rather akin to art that I like to touch. Regarding the Catastrophe — thanks to the Cultivation I am tempered enough for Tono-sensei’s books; and even though there are a lot of hardcore scenes of sex and violence, it didn't shock me too much. While I was reading, he pulled me in and repulsed me - this both disturbed and soothed. Although it is rather ridiculous to describe my impressions of the novel that way.

Tono: It's hard to share your impressions, isn’t it?

Sakurai: After reading Catastrophe, the emptiness of the protagonist seems to leave an aftertaste. She resonates with the emptiness in me, as if I want to embrace something passionately — but there is nothing to embrace. The feeling was like that. I was the kind of child who started to really get into the festival after it was over. Not having fun in the midst of the fun, but thinking about it when it’s already over. And as I grew up, nothing changed. First and foremost, I come to terms with everything, so [for me] the “emptiness” of Tono-sensei’s novel was refreshing.

Tono: Many people mention the word “emptiness” (решите, что вам больше подходит — “emptiness” или “void”). And the main idea of Catastrophe speaks of “the emptiness of a new era”.

Sakurai: Tono-sensei gives the impression of a composed and calm person, and this is imposing on the main character. It seemed to me that the hero contains not only emptiness, but also a certain composure.

Tono: It’s a bit surprising to hear that Sakurai-san has an emptiness. I have listened to BUCK-TICK since elementary school and I think that this band has more of a well-established dark worldview rather than emptiness. Their world is original, which completely sets them apart from other bands, don’t you think?

Sakurai: Been listening since then, really? Thanks. I am very touched.

Tono: My work couldn’t be called bright either, so maybe [their music] subconsciously influenced me.

Sakurai: Dilettante question, but — The Cultivation and Catastrophe are not about personal experiences, they are a product of the imagination, right?

Tono: Yes, that’s right. I was not describing my own experience, but I designed and took everything from imagination. It is much more interesting to write, thinking about what you yourself have not experienced or what you don’t know about, because you can discover something new for yourself.

Sakurai: That is, before you start working, there is no fully-formed concept, it is formed step by step in the process of writing?

Tono: I sketch out something like a rough draft, but when I start writing, I move away from it, and the result is something completely different. It seems that I am writing it myself, and then suddenly something unexpected appears [in the text], which confuses and complicates everything, but this only makes it more interesting.

Sakurai: Something unexpected — for example?

Tono: In Catastrophe, there is a girl named Irori who gets scared at one point. Before starting the work, I thought about including a child somewhere. But when I was already writing, I surprised myself when, at an unexpected moment, she hid under the bed and watched the hero.

Sakurai: Yes, it happens. Could it be that the story itself is rejecting [the planned] in the process of writing? There are deviations from the original design, and in the end it turns out completely different. These changes are fun, it’s great.

ᅠ Life and art

Sakurai: Although not a first-person novel, do you have the same sudden madness and cruelty as the protagonist, Tono-sensei?

Tono: I think I’m a very decent person. I don’t fight people, I don’t stay up late. In that sense, the main character and I are completely different.

Sakurai: So this madness is purely imaginary?

Tono: It doesn’t really happen. This was not conceived in the characters, and yet from time to time they did things that should not have been done, or found themselves involved in unexpected events due to some minor misunderstandings. So I could, in the heat of the moment, do something rash. I still have some kind of crazy thing in me, and this could have affected the characters.

Sakurai: As I read it, it worried me if you were experiencing what you described, or if you are going to experience it in the near future. It was constantly spinning in my head. Perhaps it bothered [me] from a different point of view, not as a reader.

Tono: There is almost nothing from my life or personal experience in this work. The location of the Catastrophe is Keio University (3), and I also studied there. Is that the issue? I have not participated in such events and do not plan to. *laugh*

Sakurai: Thank goodness. *laugh*

Tono: It’s hard to make a story interesting just by describing how the characters sleep and go about their day, so you have to weave in some twists and turns.

Sakurai: There’s a font of worries in there. Very stimulating. Because of this, when I was already finishing it, it felt a little sad, because I wanted to read on, but it seemed that the end was close.

Tono: Of course, as the saying goes, “This is where everything ends”.

Sakurai: How would you, Tono-sensei, suggest to read [this book]?

Tono: How should I put it... I don’t want to impose on readers [thoughts] like “I wrote with this intent” or “This book needs to be read this way and that way”. I do not want to limit the potential interpretations. I would be happier if they read it on their own, calling it boring if it was boring, or interesting if it was interesting.

Sakurai: It's very courageous.

Tono: If I was debuting as a teenager, it might have been different. But since it happened when I was already 28 years old, I do not take readers’ reactions to heart and am not afraid of it.

Sakurai: II only recently came to this. Probably in my fifties, somewhere around the last three released albums. In my youth, I was still that little tyrant, digging in my heels, so that everything was my way. Now it all seems somewhat extreme. Now I think: “Listen as you like”.

Tono: Do you look up the listeners’ impressions?

Sakurai: I don’t want to worry about [reviews on] social media. Not in the sense of “I don't care,” but in the sense of “I don’t want to worry”. So personally, I am not involved in checking such things.

Tono: Well, I’m checking it. I’m trying to figure out, in general, how people read it. It doesn’t affect how I write, though.

Sakurai: Oh, just to confirm [your thoughts], correct? A sensible approach. Of course, in my case, there should be no paranoia at all. You start taking everything to heart and fears will arise, so it’s better not to get carried away.

Tono: Companies conduct surveys of who use their services, don’t they? It’s kind of like that. If all the experiences are completely different from my expectations, it is worth considering how I write.

Sakurai: A top-notch entrepreneur.

Tono: No, I’m a newbie. *laughter* Not a year has passed since my debut...

Sakurai: A very courageous newbie, from where I am looking.

[At our next meeting, I will already be

the winner of the Akutagawa Prize]

Sakurai: Last December he attended the BUCK-TICK concert in Yoyogi. Even before the Catastrophe was published in the magazine. After the performance, we were able to talk a little in the dressing room, and when he was just about to leave, Tono-sensei said, “By our next meeting, I will win the Akutagawa Prize”.

Tono: Ah, yes, he did. It was probably terribly immodest to say that. But if before you roll the dice you declare that it will come up six, and then it really comes up six, it seems that something amazing just happened, right? I wonder if they will ever say: “Just like he said”?

Sakurai: And the promise was fulfilled. It couldn’t be cooler. He was wearing a mask, so it was difficult for me to see his expression, but I saw that dazzling confidence.

Tono: I often say these things even if I haven’t finished my work yet.

Sakurai: It was the last push, right? Thank you for coming to the concert then.

Tono: How could I not? And the next concert will be the day after tomorrow (September 21*)? I bought a ticket.

Sakurai: Is that true? Wow, I am suddenly nervous.

Tono: Is this the first time you broadcast a concert online without an audience?

Sakurai: We performed without an audience at WOWOW once before, and I had no idea how much tension to expect. And a few days ago we had a film-concert shoot — in a large hall, without an audience. Of course, there was no applause or shouts of joy. After each song there is a complete silence.

Tono: Not very encouraging, right?

Sakurai: Right now I'm trying to get inspired by myself. Even now, during the coronavirus epidemic, there are many things you can get latch on to. I realized that even these days I can be on the same wavelength with the energy of my fans. It was not an ordinary feeling. You also can’t do autograph sessions and meetings with readers right now, correct?

Tono: Yes, there are no autograph sessions yet, and the conversations are taking place online. The Akutagawa and Naoki Awards (4) usually serve a lot of food, but this year there was no such thing, and the number of guests was limited.

Sakurai: Very sorry. Still, it must have been an amazing experience.

Tono: The day after tomorrow the sales of the new album “ABRACADABRA” will start, right? What does it look like finished?

Sakurai: After Tono-sensei debuted as a writer, we exchanged messages with him, and it gave me courage. Or if not courage, then determination to write and juggle words. I think it showed itself in the album. Perhaps I’ve managed to open - more precisely, to throw open the door to a vocabulary that I had not used before.

Tono: It seems to me as well, that you succeeded.

Sakurai: Moreover, now I have the strength to use those words.

Tono: Any desire to write a novel?

Sakurai: No way.

Tono: I would read it even if it was very short.

Sakurai: I think it would take an incredible effort from me.

Tono: You were writing song lyrics originally, correct?

Sakurai: Yes, I’m writing. Music has always been on my mind. Although in elementary school I was often praised for [written] reviews of what I have read.

Tono: It was exactly the opposite for me. I was completely unable to describe these impressions. I couldn’t even set it up.

Sakurai: This is amazing.

Tono: I couldn't understand what kind of impressions they were talking about. No matter what I read, everything seemed to me “Well, okay”, but you can’t call that an impression.

Sakurai: In some interview it was mentioned that you were a member of a band when you were at university.

Tono: It was a copy-band, there isn't much to talk about. But Cultivation has a character who plays drums in a band, so that experience influenced the novel.

Sakurai: I’m even a little happy.

Tono: I did a lot of things, but for the most part I gave it all up quickly, so writing is my longest-running occupation at the moment.

Sakurai: Since when have you been writing?

Tono: I started somewhere after I turned twenty, so it’s about seven or eight years old by now. I thought that being on the other side [of the book] was a completely different matter. Like, shouldn’t I become a creator myself and start giving shape to things? Perhaps BUCK-TICK influenced this in some way from the very beginning.

Sakurai: And then a novel ended up being written.

Tono: Yes.

— Did Sakurai-san know that Tono-san was writing a novel?

Tono: The first time I told him about it was when I won the 2019 Bungei Prize for my debut.

Sakurai: I’ve heard something [about this] since he graduated from university, but was amazed when he suddenly made his debut as a writer. However, I was looking forward to [the release of the book]. What kind of work will it be, could not wait to read it — something like that. And I was amazed a second time when Cultivation came out. How did you feel after finishing work on this novel?

Tono: I gained confidence and I decided that I could make it to the final round. I didn’t know, of course, how it would go in the future, if I would end up regretting it.

Sakurai: And he wrote to me about it.

Tono: Yes, that happened. I wrote “I got to the finals”. It was still cooler to report this after receiving the award.

Sakurai: And the coolness of the statement that “next time I meet I will be the winner of the Akutagawa Prize” then went off the charts.

Tono: This is just the beginning.

Different hobbies, same tastes

— This year BUCK-TICK celebrated 33 years from the date of their debut — without breaking up or changing membership of the group. What is the secret of such longevity?

Sakurai: Patience. Group work requires patience. The others and I, by the way, we often say this. But it seems to me that writers are have it more difficult in terms of moral, because they work alone. You have to evaluate yourself. When you are in a group, there is always someone who will express their opinion.

Tono: Perhaps so.

Sakurai: The writers of the old days appear to us to be some kind of alcoholics and drug addicts, down on their luck, with a ruined life — but now people are different.

Tono: In our era, being a writer, you can support yourself with more than just creativity, so in this sense the profession is more reliable than before. And I don’t drink much at all. And you, Sakurai-san, drink a lot, right?

Sakurai: Yes. I am one of those who seek salvation in alcohol. *laughter*

Tono: By the way, do you still read lots of novels?

Sakurai: Recently I reread Mishima Yukio again (5). And also [books] by Numata Mahokaru-san (6) and Taguchi Randi-san (7).

Tono: You’ve loved Mishima Yukio for the longest time, right?

Sakurai: Yes, quite true. It's not just about books — I’ve watched YouTube videos about Mishima Yukio and Kawabata Yasunari (8), and they really are very interesting people.

Tono: I haven’t read Yukio Mishima at all. My preferences in literature are very different.

Sakurai: What is your favorite writer, Tono-sensei?

Tono: When I was just starting to think about the novel, I had no idea how to write, and started by imitating the prose of Natsume Soseki (9). Have you read it?

Sakurai: I love his Heart very much. But now you probably don’t have time to read.

Tono: Right. But they often say that you need to read more, so I think about it anyway. Sakurai-san, do you study other artists’ music?

Sakurai: I’m a slob, so I’m not really up to date, so to speak. But good things still find their way to me. I can catch it on the radio when I’m driving, or hear it somewhere by accident. The youth of today like Kaze-san Fujii (10), don’t they?

Tono: Wow. A bit surprising.

Sakurai: You probably like something harsher, right?

Tono: I love King Gnu (11). Mentioned this in an interview for the monthly Bungei Shunju (12). Many were surprised that the music favored by young people and the traditional image of the Akutagawa Prize are not related.

Sakurai: King Gnu is great. I bought their CD as well. Just like that, I found out about King Gnu when I accidentally heard them. They have such an interesting lead singer.

Tono: Iguchi Satoru-san is interesting, yes. On Twitter, I would send links to [my] videos to anyone, even to the Pope himself. And when I appeared at Music Station, I stunned everyone with my descent down the stairs.

Sakurai: Showed up wearing sandals, yeah. *laughter* Do you watch a lot of TV?

Tono: From time to time. I saw your collab with Shiina Ringo-san at Music Station. “Elopers” is a great song, very powerful.

Sakurai: Really? I am very happy.

You can't lie to yourself

Sakurai: Has the third work been written yet?

Tono: Yes. The events transpire in an institution that raises people with supernatural abilities. The main character attents it along with the rest, tries to awaken superpowers in himself, but since he does not possess them, he gets no progress. This is the story I am writing. It will differ from the two previous works in meaning.

Sakurai: Is there a deadline?

Tono: I want to submit it to the editors by early next year. You, Sakurai-san, also have deadlines, right?

Sakurai: I have deadlines, of course. Release and tour dates might be pre-determined and songs should be worked on accordingly. And I will stubbornly work on them until they tell me: “That’s it, you can't put things off any longer”. However, I still try to keep within the appointed time.

Tono: Are there any serious challenges when you work?

Sakurai: It's very difficult to work when I’m drained. If you try to force something out of yourself, you get only lies, and then it turns out that you are insincere with yourself and with others. You can’t lie to yourself. But with a bit of personal experience and imagination, on the other hand, you can make very good progress.

Tono: You have to rewrite everything a lot, right?

Sakurai: Depends on the song. Sometimes I have to rewrite over and over again, and sometimes I write the first word that comes to my mind and everything is ready. Most often, some kind of shape may emerge first. How is it with you, Tono-sensei?

Tono: More often than not, I have one scene at the beginning, and I start writing based on it. At that time, I do not yet know how the story will develop, I have only scattered fragments, and as they are combined and edited, I am finally getting the feeling that the world of of this work is acquiring its finished form. By the way, I had some trouble coming up with a name for Cultivation, and I was given one piece of advice, do you recall?

Sakurai: Ah, yes, but in my opinion, it was not very good...

Tono: When I asked “How do you come up with names?”, You replied, “It should express the essence, but at the same time cover the whole thing. That word would fit the best”.

Sakurai: Wow, I put it remarkably well. And [I said that] to the future Akutagawa Prize winner, such arrogance. *laughter*

Tono: Even though I didn’t really understand how to apply this advice in practice, I still relied on it.

Sakurai: Cool title, isn’t it? Even though I said there were some disturbing moments when I was reading Cultivation for the first time, I think it read very cleanly. For example: “To my delight, I managed to look great. <…> I just wanted to be beautiful” — here, as it seemed to me, the words are very good - fresh and clear, without unnecessary embellishments.

(2020.09.19)

Sakurai Atsushi, musician. Vocalist Buck-Tick. 66 years of birth. New job: 「ABRACADABRA」

Tono Haruka, writer, winner of the Akutagawa and Bungei awards

END

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