#2021 bookshelf

[stranger-awakening]

To me, that’s cinema:

★ Tick, Tick ... BOOM! (2021), dir. Lin-Manuel Miranda

“Are you letting yourself be lead by fear, or by love?”

#tick tick boom #starting off strong with my fave of 2021 #that bookshelf makes me so crazy because by all accounts that's what jonathan's actually looked like #i just love how detailed this was the love shines through every second #mine #filmmeme #m:ttb

[gogomeaty]

I love to stare at my lil bookshelf when i come to my grandma's house, it's basically me and when i was living here it was something that gave me so many comfort in those stressful days.

I have new things in my house i would love to add here because they're merch or things of new and old special interests but I only go to my grandma's house the weekends so all the other things stay in my house.

#idk i was feeling sentimental #whoever knows me could see this bookshelf in my grandma's and immediately know is mine. all those things are mine and they show #a huge part of me... omg im going to cry lol #the little green basket it was were i keep the food for my budgies when i had them in 2021 i miss them #gogo speaks

[melancholiaenthroned]

was going thru my instagram bc im obsessed w myself and found this old image of me and the bestie

#2020 or 2021 i think... summer based off the fan #CRAZY that my bookshelf was that messy its the only organized part of my room now #and my old glasses... #.jpg #my face #poison.txt

[pisces71]

I bought “Afterdark” by Haruki Murakami 🖤

#haruki murakami #after dark #never let me go #kazuo ishiguro #dune 2021 #where the crawdads sing #anthony horowitz #agatha christie #bookshelf #bookaddict

[spookshowninjakitty]

The Final Girl Support Group by Grady Hendrix

What happens to the final girl once the blood bath is over? Lynette is a final girl, and now that other final girls are dying, she must decide whether she'll lay down and die or stand up and fight.

The Final Girl Support Group by Grady Hendrix Thriller/Mystery/Suspense 352 Pages Published by Berkley Books (13th July 2021) Purchase from | Booktopia | Fishpond AU* | Book Depository | Dymocks | Amazon AU | Amazon US | Amazon UK | My rating: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ The Final Girl. She is the one left standing after the carnage is over. The one who is still alive when the credits roll while all of her friend lay…

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#2021 release #Amazon #Berkley Books #Book #Book Depository #book dragon #book review #Books #Bookshelf #bookstagram made me buy it #Booktopia #bookworm #dymocks #emotional whiplash #Final Girl #Fishpond #Grady Hendrix #horror #Horror lite #Mystery #not really a horror #on my bookshelf #paperback #reading #review #Slasher #Suspense #The Final Girl Support Group #thriller

[awayfromhomes]

I’ve found someone else who hates conversations with friends. I read it after reading normal people but hated it so much it is the first book i ever stopped reading partway through, I couldn’t even finish it. Props to you for pushing through!

this book uses so many words to say nothing

#im glad i am not the only one feeling like because i was so excited to read it but what a disappointment #i still have normal people sitting on my bookshelf ever since my sister gifted it to me back in 2021 #moral of the story never get two books by the same author before having read one of them because this way #you might end up with one you hate and another one that might sit on your tbr forever now

[iamabhisekdash]

"Our words are very powerful, always make sure that you use the right words, which encourages people instead of discouraging." 🔥 #ThePromise #bookerprize #2021 #books #bookstagram #book #booklover #reading #bookworm #bookstagrammer #read #bookish #booknerd #bookaddict #booksofinstagram #bibliophile #instabook #love #bookshelf #readersofinstagram #booksbooksbooks #bookaholic #libros #reader #bookphotography #b #booklove #art #author #libri #literature #instabooks #booklovers (at Some Where In India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CowyZJ2Pa5v/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#thepromise #bookerprize #2021 #books #bookstagram #book #booklover #reading #bookworm #bookstagrammer #read #bookish #booknerd #bookaddict #booksofinstagram #bibliophile #instabook #love #bookshelf #readersofinstagram #booksbooksbooks #bookaholic #libros #reader #bookphotography #b #booklove #art #author #libri

[shitpostingperidot]

Carol Danvers’s Bookshelf

Thanks to the Ultra HD digital edition I have now identified 4/6 books on Carol’s bookshelf in The Marvels! There are several small piles of books scattered around various other surfaces, but no luck yet with them.

From right to left in this screenshot (it’s blurry because the camera’s focus was on the Monica and Maria pics just to the left):

1) The Martian Way by Isaac Asimov (Panther Science Fiction 8th printing from 1974). I love this choice for Carol because it’s about McCarthyism, resource-motivated imperialism, and manifest destiny (but in space). I also love the idea that Carol might have read this as a teenager and returned to it as an adult who has actual experience with space imperialism. (Thanks to my friend Mara for help identifying this one!)

2) 1999 Yearbook of Astronomy, edited by Patrick Moore. This is a guide to astronomical phenomena visible from Earth month-by-month in 1999, plus a section of essays on astronomy. In my opinion, this is proof that Carol returned to Earth in 1998 or 1999, since there’s no reason to get this book if you can’t use it to stargaze. It could also have been given to her as a gift from someone who had been to Earth, but let me have this.

3) A Manual for Being Human by Dr. Sophie Mort (published July 8, 2021). This is a pop psych and self help book about how our pasts affect us and how to create change in our lives. I’m obsessed with this choice for Carol for two reasons: the hilarity of poor awkward Carol being like “damn you’re right, I do need a manual for being human,” and the heartbreak of her still, after all this time, struggling to connect how her past has shaped her. Also, proof that Carol stuck around long enough to go to a bookstore or receive a gift when she went to earth for Maria during the Blip.

4) I am really not sure that there is enough info to go on to identify this book, and I’m considering emailing the production designer because this is really truly keeping me up at night. All I got is the book is tall, the spine is dark gray, and there’s half a face on it.

5) The Sporting News Official NBA Register 1998-99. This one was SO HARD to identify but I think the folded hands of that person sitting courtside are a smoking gun. I don’t know very much about the NBA, but interestingly, the 98-99 season didn’t even start until February of 99 due to a lockout. I wonder which team Carol likes; maybe the Celtics since she’s from New England? Anyway, to me this is further proof that she went to Earth in 1998 or 1999.

6) I got nothing and it’s killing me. No text I can make out, just some cartoon people floating around. Is this even a book?

One other fascinating thing is that in the trailer, the books have been digitally replaced with new text on similar spines? The Martian Way becomes “Lunar Mystery” for instance. I have no clue why

Thanks for coming to my Carol Danvers psychoanalysis hour. Should I email the production designer about the two unidentified books? Vote now on your phones

#the marvels #carol danvers #captain marvel #maria rambeau #maybe next I’ll do little details in Kamalas’s room

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 25

You bond with a student and try to take matters into your own hands at the clinic. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-24 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut! (Unprotected P in V sex - don't be dumb), canon typical violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+.

Length: 5.6k

Tuesday, September 14, 2021 - Five and a Half Years Later

“So fucking cool.” 

The small girl standing in the corner of your classroom hadn’t noticed you yet. 

You’d gone down to refill your water bottle at the start of your lunch period, leaving an empty classroom and coming back to find a girl you didn’t know running her fingers over the worn spines of the books on the bookshelf you’d made out of scrap wood and cinderblocks. You just watched her silently for a moment, leaning against the doorframe, as she worked her way to the mural of the solar system you had on one wall. You’d been meaning to touch it up but it kept falling to the bottom of the list of things to get done. 

The girl didn’t seem to mind, craning her neck as she took it in. 

“Strong language,” you said, finally speaking up. She jumped and spun, her eyes wide. 

“Shit,” she said. You smiled. 

“I don’t bite,” you said, pushing off the doorframe and going for your desk. “Though I’d appreciate if you cut down on the swearing in my classroom.” 

“Sorry,” she said. She looked around the room a bit more, her fingers tapping on desks as she did. 

“You’re not one of my students,” you said, sitting down and taking a sip of water before grabbing some jerky out of your bag. 

“How do you know?” She frowned. 

“Well, I know my students, for starters,” you smiled a little. “But also, I’m guessing you’re a year or two young for my classes yet. How old are you?” 

“I’m 12,” she said. “I think, anyway. Not really sure about my birth date.” 

You nodded slowly. 

“So you’re not one of my students,” you said, watching her. “And you’re too young to be in my classes. But you’re in my classroom. So, tiny human, what brings you by?” 

She smiled a little at the title. 

“I had some science questions and my friend told me that I should come talk to you because you were cool,” she said. “And that you’d probably help me find the shi…stuff I was looking for.” 

“Dang,” you shook your head. 

She frowned. 

“What?” 

“Your friend said I was cool?” You asked. She nodded. “Well now I’m going to just have to do whatever you want, my primary goal has always been to make teenagers think I’m cool. Who’s your friend?” 

“Riley?” She asked it more than said it. 

“Dang,” you said again. “Riley’s a good kid, that makes it worse. Alright, what do you want to know about?” 

“She said everyone calls you Doc,” she said. “So are you like a doctor doctor or someone who just got a bunch of degrees and shi…stuff before the world ended?” 

“Doctor doctor,” you said. “So if you have questions about biology, I’m your gal. Other stuff I might need to do some research on.” 

“Oh,” her face fell a little bit. 

“I can do some research though,” you shrugged. “I like research.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yup,” you nodded. “Pretty much the whole reason I became a scientist to begin with, research is fun. So tell me what you want to know about and I’ll see what I can find for you.” 

“I really want to know about space,” she said, sitting at the desk closest to yours in the front row. “It’s just so fuck…freaking cool and huge and we only just started sending people up there before the world ended and we never really got to do anything with it…” 

“Space is very cool,” you said, getting up from your desk and going to the bookshelves. “I lived in Texas for a while. I went to the space center in Houston with a friend and his daughter once. Definitely something to see…. How comfortable are you reading? Do you like reading? Good at it?” 

“Reading’s cool,” she shrugged. “I like comics best but I read other stuff, too.” 

“If I’m grabbing anything that’s too hard, just let me know,” you said. “Any specific questions you have about space?” 

“Mostly what people actually did up there,” she said. “People left the freakin’ planet, do you know how cool that is?” 

You smiled a little. That was pretty cool. 

“OK,” you said, making a small pile of magazines and one book. “These are the magazines I have that talk about space a lot. Give those a read, tell me what you think is most interesting and I’ll find you more about that. Go ahead and make a list about any questions you have, too. Either words or concepts you don’t know or anything you want more information about, I’ll see what I can answer for you and then I’ll find you answers for the rest. And then, for fun, there’s A Wrinkle in Time, a book about traveling through space time. I think you’ll like Meg, she’s the best.” 

You grabbed a clipboard with a piece of paper and a pen on it, handing it to her. 

“I’m afraid I’m going to need your name to loan these out to you, though,” you said. “Put your name, the date, and just write space stuff on the ‘what I’m borrowing’ line, I’ll know what you mean.” 

She took the clipboard and filled it out. You took it back, looking at her blocky writing. 

“OK Ellie,” you handed her the pile. “Think you can come back by a week from today and bring back what you’ve finished? Doesn’t have to be everything, I just like keeping an eye on my library.” 

“I can do that,” she nodded. She glanced quickly at a corner of your classroom where you’d set up some beanbags before looking back to you. “Thanks for…” 

“Want to sit and read in the beanbags unit your next class?” You asked. Her face lit up. You smiled a little. “Go make yourself at home. You can come by here at lunch and read anytime you want, my door is open.” 

“Cool,” she smiled, taking a magazine to the corner and flopping down on the bean bag. You pressed play on the tape deck at your desk, a mix tape that someone had probably made for a girlfriend decades ago but it had a good mix of music to it. You turned the volume down low and read while eating, glancing up at the small girl curled up on the beanbags now and then. 

Ellie read, a serious look on her small face, until the bell rang. She looked surprised that time had passed so quickly but she gathered her things and stopped at your desk. 

“It’s really OK if I just come here at lunch?” She asked. “Riley has a different lunch period than me this year so I don’t really have anyone to sit with…” 

“Of course,” you smiled. “Come by anytime. And don’t forget to take those notes so we can do some research, OK?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Thanks, Doc.” 

You hoped Ellie would keep coming back. She was clearly a bright and curious kid, this school was almost certainly failing her at every opportunity. 

The school had never been great. It was part of the reason why you stayed, you felt someone needed to be invested in the students and their education and if no one else was going to do it you were. But it had been steadily declining the last few years, just like the rest of the QZ. 

A lot of infrastructure that had just been hanging on since the outbreak started to fold around the 15 year mark, more now that you were closing in on 20. It had been two years since you’d last had hot water, the hot water heater in your apartment going out after being repaired half a dozen times in the years prior. It finally gave up the ghost and so, too, had hot showers. Buildings badly needed repair and maintenance and the Fireflies had continued to make things worse by blowing up the stuff that didn’t. 

It seemed like the school you taught at now was just doing what it could to bring students up to be soldiers, not give them a proper education. When you’d started here, FEDRA needed people who could do a multitude of things, so a comprehensive education was necessary. The last few years, they just wanted muscle. Muscle didn’t need to know about the nervous system or the water cycle or the history of the United States. You were half waiting for FEDRA to drop all the pretext and stop educating students entirely. But, in the mean time, you tried to make your classroom a safe space for them, give them access to as much information as you possibly could. 

Your value to the QZ as a doctor gave you some leeway here, too. You were pretty sure they wouldn’t tolerate your methods and would just do away with you if you weren’t one of the few medical resources the QZ had. 

Of course, that value was seeming more and more limited now, too. FEDRA kept cutting back on resources. Most of the drugs that came in were opioids now, hardly anything for actual treatment, just managing symptoms. Tess was checking pharmacies for you on every run now and you were going out more and more frequently to find what you needed - Joel a silent wall who pretended you didn’t exist and you mostly happy to do the same. Even though you caught yourself looking at him more often than you cared to admit. 

Derek was less than thrilled with the situation. He still didn’t know much about Joel - your history became even easier to hide once you started actively avoiding him again - but he didn’t like your leaving the QZ so much. 

“There has to be another option,” he said one night as you were getting ready for bed, your bag packed and ready to leave in the morning. “It’s dangerous out there…” 

“Trust me, I’m not exactly itching to go out there,” you said, rubbing the lotion you’d left at Derek’s house into your hands before climbing into bed. “It’s hardly a picnic. But FEDRA hasn’t really given me another choice.” 

“Do you think other QZs have people out risking their lives to see what drugs they can scavenge?” He asked without giving you a chance to answer as he got into bed beside you. “Because I can just about promise you, they don’t. It’s not reasonable for you to be going out there all the time, you can’t help anybody if you get yourself killed…” 

“Then I’ll just try really hard not to die,” you kissed him. “It doesn’t matter if no one else is out there doing what I’m doing. I just can’t live with myself if I’m not doing everything I can. Soon things will be gone or so far out of date that they’re useless regardless of dosage so this is kind of a finite thing, anyway. But for now we have these resources so I intend to use them.” 

“I still don’t like it…” 

“Can we not fight the night before I leave?” You asked, pressing yourself against him. “I can think of way better ways to spend our time…” 

You kissed him and, at first, he reluctantly kissed you back. But it didn’t take long before his hand went to your ass, fingers sinking into your flesh, pulling your hips tight to his. He rolled you onto your back, nestling himself between your legs as your arms went around his neck, grinding his hips down against yours. You groaned into his mouth as his hands slid down your body to your underwear, hooking his fingers in them and tugging them down, tossing them aside before sinking two fingers into you. 

“See?” You said, grinding against his hand. “Way better than fighting.” 

He just bit your lower lip in response, making you laugh. You shoved his pants down before nudging him into sitting up. You moved with him, straddling him, reaching between your bodies to grip his cock while his thumb rubbed your clit. He quickly added two fingers to your pussy, pressing into you firmly as he kissed down to your breasts, taking a nipple in his mouth. You rose up on your knees just enough to notch his head against your entrance and slowly took him inside you, his face buried in your neck as you did. 

You rode him slowly, rising and falling on him in long, firm strokes as his hands and mouth ranged over your body, his hips pressing up into yours so his cock would bottom out inside you. 

“Don’t want to lose you,” he groaned, his mouth against your throat. 

“You won’t,” you gasped back, your body tightening around his cock. His arms went around your waist, pulling you so tight to him that the only way either of you could move was him thrusting up into you, his face buried in your chest. The tip of him pressed into the place inside you that made your head spin and you came around him with a shuddering gasp, his orgasm not far behind. 

His grip on you loosened after he filled you, his head tipping back to look you in the eye. 

“Promise you’re coming home to me, Love,” he said. 

You kissed him gently. 

“Promise.” 

The trip had been relatively uneventful. You’d run into one group of raiders, but you’d heard them coming soon enough that you and Tess were able to stash yourselves safely away while Joel talked with them and they moved on, no blood spilt. You came home with only a few dozen usable bottles. You knew you had a year, maybe two left of being able to scavenge anything like this at all. You weren’t sure what anyone was going to do then. 

You were still thinking about Ellie that afternoon at the clinic. It had been so long since you had a student seek out knowledge quite that aggressively. You really really hoped she came back. You were going to tell Andrew about her but he just looked exhausted. 

“You practically have a kindergartener,” you teased. “There’s no way you can blame lack of sleep on the kid.” 

“I can blame it on the future kid,” he groaned. “Jess was tossing and turning all night, she’s at the severe discomfort stage.” 

“As a medical professional, I can tell you that all stages of pregnancy are the severe discomfort stage,” you smiled. He glared at you. “But yeah, she’s getting pretty far along.” 

“I think she’s ready to come here, hand you a scalpel and say ‘please cut this thing out of me,’” he said. “She’s so done, wants to have the baby here and skip the rest of the pregnancy and labor part.” 

“If only,” you said. “How is young Miss Elizabeth by the way? I haven’t seen her this week.” 

“Eating everything in sight,” he said. “Think she’s having another growth spurt…” 

“Does she need cookies?” You asked. “Because I can make cookies.” 

You’d become enraptured with Andrew and Jess’ daughter, Elizabeth, from the second she was born. You could watch her do anything and everything, wanted to give her whatever her heart desired. 

Jess had asked for you and Andrew with her when she gave birth and watching that little girl draw her first breath had been one of the best moments of your life, even as it was tinged in the bittersweet thought that you’d never experience that with your own child. They’d named her Elizabeth, after Jess’ mom, but had given her the middle name Sarah in honor of the girl who you’d loved like a daughter. You sobbed the first time you held her, her soft perfection blurry behind your tears.

“I think we will pass on the sugar high, thank you Auntie Doc,” he smiled. 

“Hey Doc,” Kristen hung her torso into the waiting room. “Need you on a consult.” 

“Cookie offer still stands,” you said as you headed back. “If she wants cookies, I’ll make cookies.” 

You could practically hear him roll his eyes. You looked to Kristen. 

“Whatcha got?” You asked. 

“Well, it’s basic,” she said, keeping her voice low. “But there’s a pattern…” 

She opened up the chart. It was for a woman you’d treated before, Penny. Small things over the past few years, a few broken bones, lacerations that needed stitches… You frowned at the locations, the frequency. 

“I see what you mean,” you said. “What’s her living situation?” 

“Just her and her husband,” she said. “But he’s a guard…” 

“Shit,” you sighed. 

“Doc,” she looked at you. “It’s bad this time. I’ve tried to do safety checks before but…” 

“I got it,” you sighed, heading to the door. You knocked once and let yourself in. 

“Hi Penny,” you smiled, forcing yourself to hold it. She’d gotten the shit beat out of her. One eye was swollen shut, there were bruises around her throat. Kristen had already set a broken wrist. “How are you doing today?” 

“Oh, I’ve been better,” she tried to smile but her cut cheek kept it for being too wide. You did a few quick checks, seeing if she had signs of a concussion or internal bleeding before pulling up a stool next to the exam table. 

“So,” you said, looking at her. “Want to tell me what happened?” 

“It’s not that bad,” she said quickly, but her eyes were welling up with tears. “Really, I just…” She started sobbing. “I don’t know what to do, he’s a guard so no one will arrest him, I can’t just leave town…” 

“Hey,” you said, putting a hand gently on her knee. “I understand, OK? We’re going to figure the out. To start, we’re going to keep you overnight at least for observation. Maybe a few nights. Maybe a week. I’ll try to see what we can get worked out in the meantime, but for now, you’re going to be safe and in here, OK?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded. “OK.” 

You gave Kristen a few instructions and went back out to the front. No one was in the waiting room, but you lowered your voice, anyway. 

“Andrew,” you said, standing close to him. “I need you to find Penny’s emergency contact sheet, find out who her husband is.” 

“Yeah, sure,” he said with a frown, going over toward filing. You hovered by the front desk, trying to think of a solution. 

The QZ was small, too small for her to stay hidden for long. You could maybe see if she could travel as a passenger on a convoy headed to Atlanta under a different name. Elias might be able to make that happen. Then it would just be a matter of hoping that no one traveling with her knew her or her husband, especially not the guards. And that you could get her out of the city before he fucking killed her. You sighed. It seemed like things that were problems before the outbreak were just bigger problems now. Like the world had decided to go to shit in the most extreme way it could possibly find. 

You still hadn’t come up with a solution the next day beyond keeping Penny in the clinic for a bit to at least keep her out of harm’s way for now. She was getting anxious, though, certain that her husband was going to track her down and cause problems. 

She was right. That evening, you were in with a patient when you heard some screaming from the entry, a man’s unfamiliar voice and Andrew’s forceful baritone back. 

“Excuse me,” you smiled to the woman you were treating before peeling off your gloves and leaving the exam room. There was a heat in you, building, spreading through your body. White hot, vengeful, righteous. You’d fought for years to make this place safe and someone was threatening it. 

You ducked into a surgical suite on the way and grabbed a scalpel from an area that hadn’t been sterilized yet, holding the handle in your fist like a talisman. You went into the waiting area to find a man in a guard’s uniform - hulking, at least six feet tall - screaming at Andrew, who was standing behind the desk. 

“I will burn this fucking place to the ground if you don’t bring me my goddamn wife!” He yelled. 

“Hey!” You yelled, stalking up to him. He turned his attention to you quickly. “Get the fuck out of my clinic before I make you get the fuck out of my clinic!” 

“The fuck you going to do about it?” He started toward you and you whipped the scalpel forward, slicing the palm of his hand. He hissed, yanking it back in surprise and you took the opportunity to put the blade to his throat.

“That,” you snapped. “Get the fuck out.” 

He scowled at you. 

“This isn’t over.” 

“It is for now,” you said. “Leave.” 

He held your gaze for a second, spittle on his lips, before he stepped back. 

“Fucking kill you too, you little bitch,” he stalked off. 

The second he was out of the door, you looked around. Everyone in the waiting room had cowered back into a corner. 

“Everyone OK?” You asked. No one said otherwise. Andrew just looked at you. 

“Alright,” he said, coming over and putting his arm around your shoulders. “Come on…” 

He steered you into the break room before carefully pulling the scalpel from your hand. 

“You good?” He asked, searching your face. You realized then that your hands were shaking. “Yeah, didn’t think so, where the hell did that come from?” 

“I don’t know,” you were hyperventilating. “I just heard him, I knew it was him, I knew what he was after and I just wasn’t going to let him hurt anyone here on my watch and the only thing I could think to do was that…” 

“Look, I love that you threatened to shank a FEDRA guard,” he said. “That’s the dream. But he’s going to come back and if the guards won’t do anything…” 

“I know,” you were shaking. He pulled you into his chest. 

“It’ll be OK,” he said, stroking your hair. “We’ll talk to Elias, there has to be something we can do…” 

You just nodded into his chest. But you had a different idea, one that you couldn’t afford to bring Andrew in on. 

You ducked out of work a few minutes early. Andrew had volunteered to stay the night to fend off any potential acts of aggression. It made you nervous but he could handle himself. There were weapons on site in case of an outbreak, so he was armed and ready at least. You, on the other hand, walked straight to Joel’s. 

He opened the door quickly when you knocked, frowning when he saw you standing there. 

“Tess ain’t here,” he said. 

“Not here for Tess,” you replied. “Here to talk to you. I’m calling in a favor, think you owe me a few at this point, Miller.” 

He sighed, opening the door and letting you in. 

***

You refused to properly sit down, instead just leaning back against his kitchen counter as he stood opposite you, a glass of whiskey in his hand. 

To say he was surprised to see you was an understatement. You tolerated him on trips outside the QZ but said as little to him as you possibly could. You’d made it very clear that you were done with him. It killed him every time. 

“What do you want?” He asked, as though he would drive some kind of hard bargain. As though he wouldn’t just give you whatever you asked for. 

“I need you to tell me how to kill a person,” you said, chin out, defiant. “In a ‘make them disappear’ way.” 

He looked you up and down. He knew you were in your 40s now but you didn’t look it. Even after all the years in the QZ there was still something soft about you, something safe and warm and kind. You weren’t a killer. 

“Why?” He asked. 

“I have a patient,” you replied. “Her husband damn near killed her. Came into the clinic today threatening to burn the place down if we didn’t give her to him. I had to put a scalpel to his throat to get him to leave…” 

“Tell the guard,” he shrugged, watching you closely. 

“He is a guard,” you replied, shaking your head. “They won’t take down one of their own. He threatened to kill me today as he was leaving… I’ve thought about it and the only way to do this is to kill him. But I’ve only ever shot infected or euthanized people, I’ve never… I don’t know how to do what you do. I need you to tell me so I can do it.” 

His jaw tensed as he strained to hold himself back. Someone had threatened to hurt you - a guard, no less - and you just wanted a guidebook on how to handle it yourself. 

“No,” he said firmly. 

“What do you mean no?” You snapped. “Like I said, I think you owe me a favor or two at this point, Miller, I’ve spent a decade and a half helping to keep you alive…” 

“Derek know you’re asking for this?” He asked, all but spitting the man’s name out. He had no reason to, he seemed like a decent enough guy. He just got to touch you and he hated him for it. 

Honestly, Joel owed Derek at least a thank you. He’d picked you up with Tess from Derek’s one morning to go on a run and Derek had invited them into his apartment while you grabbed something you’d left in his bedroom. There were photos spread out on the kitchen table. Joel caught a glimpse of one of you. You didn’t look like you even knew the photo was being taken. You were folded into a threadbare armchair, a book in your hands. Your hair was a little wild, a ribbon holding it back from your face. You legs were bare, he could just see a hint of tank top and cleavage over the top of the book. Your face was the real draw though, totally absorbed, as though there was nothing outside of you and the page in front of you in the world. He hadn’t seen you like that in years. When Derek turned his back, he pocketed the photo. 

“Why would Derek know?” You asked. “He’s not involved. No one knows I’m asking for this and I’m just trusting that you won’t turn me into FEDRA for it. Tell me how to make someone disappear.” 

“Can’t just tell you how to kill someone like that, Kid,” he said, crossing his arms. You opened your mouth to protest but he cut you off. “What’s his name.” 

“What?” You frowned. 

“His name.” He said. “Give me the name, where I can find him. I’ll take care of it.” 

Your eyebrows knitted together. 

“No,” you shook your head. “I’m not asking you to kill someone for me, I can handle my own shit…” 

“No, you can’t,” he said. “You really think you can just kill a guard? You, who hates killin’ and hurtin’ anything thinks you’re going to just waltz into some guard’s living room and put him out?” 

You glared at him. 

“You’re right,” he said. “I owe ya. I owe ya a lot. Give me the name.” 

“You know what, Joel,” you snapped. “If you don’t respect me, just say so, OK?” 

“Never said I don’t respect you,” he frowned, confused. Ever since you’d found out he’d sent Tommy away, you automatically jumped to the worst possible conclusion about anything he said or did. 

“You respect strength and skill and you clearly don’t think I have any,” you snapped. “I still know you, Joel…” 

“Apparently you don’t if you think I don’t respect ya,” he snapped, closing the distance between you quickly, caging you back against the cabinets. Your breath hitched. “I know you’re smart, I know you’re capable and I know you’re not a fuckin’ killer, let me keep you from turnin’ into one and give me the goddamn name!” 

His body was against yours for the first time in years. You still felt the same against him. He still wanted to touch and hold you in the same places, still wanted to knot his fingers in your hair and kiss you until your lips were swollen with it. You still smelled like lavender. You still would rip him open and destroy him if he let you. 

You slowly reached into your pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper with a name and address. Your eyes never left Joel’s. He took it, stepping back from you. 

“I’ll take care of ‘em,” he said, putting it in his pocket. 

“Joel,” you said softly. 

“You should go home,” he said. “Make sure you’re in before curfew.” 

You nodded once. 

“Thank you,” you said quietly as you turned to leave. 

Joel waited until he knew you were gone to fuck his hand while thinking about sinking into you. What would have happened if he’d kissed you. How he’d have held your face, touched your breasts, fingered you until you came around him. The sounds you made when he ate you until he was drowning in you. The way you felt when you came around his cock as he drove deep inside you, so wrapped up in you that he almost didn’t know where he ended and you began. He came harder than he had in months, the memory of the feel of your body against his so close but so far. 

Joel got an early start the next day, going and waiting near the address you’d given him. He watched a man come outside and shook his head. He was huge, he’d have taken you apart. It would have been almost funny, you thinking you could kill this man without the help of a gun, if he hadn’t threatened to kill you. 

He let the rage fill him then, soaking in the heat of it. Killing this man would be justice. Killing this man would be a good thing. Killing this man would protect you. 

He came along side him, glancing to his name tag before he took his knife and put his arm around the man’s shoulders, pressing the knife into his side. 

“What the…” 

“Shut the fuck up or I’ll kill you on the street,” Joel snapped. “Walk with me.” 

He steered him into an abandoned building, taking him toward the center of it. 

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing,” the man snapped. Joel shoved him into the room. 

“You beat your wife?” He asked. The man just blinked at him in shock. “Say you’re going to burn down the clinic? Threaten to kill a doctor?” 

“That fuckin’ cunt send you?” He snapped. Joel wasn’t sure if he was talking about you or his wife but he didn’t care. “Look, I don’t have any problem with you…” 

“I’ve got one with you,” Joel said. “You threatened her so I’ve got a big fuckin' problem with you.”

“That little doctor bitch?” He snapped. He was getting worried now. Joel liked it. “I’m sorry about that, OK? If that’s your problem, nothing needs to happen with her, I’ll leave her be, I just want my fuckin’ wife back…” 

“That’s not how it works,” Joel shook his head. “I don’t take risks with her, not with pieces of shit like you.” 

The man tried to charge him but he sidestepped him and thrust the knife into his gut, twisting and pressing it deep as the man gasped in shock. He felt the blood spill onto his hand and he pushed the man to the ground. He yanked his knife free as the man gasped and blinked up at him in shock. 

“Now,” Joel knelt beside him. “You’re lucky, You hadn’t hurt her yet, or this would be worse. Sounds like you deserve worse, anyway, but…” he shrugged. “Rather be quick with it.” 

He slit his throat and waited until he was sure he was dead before he cleaned his knife on the man’s clothes and grabbed the blood splattered velcro name tag from the man’s uniform. He pocketed it, gave himself a once over to ensure he’d missed the worst of the blood, and left him there. With the building’s state, it would likely be weeks before they found him, if at all. 

That afternoon, he went to the clinic. Andrew frowned at him. 

“She here?” He asked gruffly. 

“I’ll grab her,” he said, looking Joel up and down for a moment before disappearing into the back. He came out with you and you just froze in the doorway to the exam rooms.

Joel allowed himself a second to just look at you. He’d always liked how you dressed the days that you both taught and were at the clinic - a combination of bright and cheerful for your students and professional and serious for your patients. It seemed most like you. His mind lingered on the feeling of unbuttoning your shirt when you got home, feeling how you melted against him after your long day. 

He wordlessly walked over to you, pulled the name tag out of his pocket and pressed it into your palm. You looked down at it for a moment, running your fingers over the stitching before looking back up at him. 

“Thank you,” you said softly. 

He just nodded once and left before he gave into his urge to touch you. 

A/N: YES THAT'S RIGHT WE HAVE ELLIE! WE'RE GETTING SO CLOSE!

Next chapter will likely be the last all pre-canon QZ based chapter (maybe one more after but I doubt what I have planned to wrap up all the OC QZ stuff will take more than one chapter) and then we will be off on the quest to bring Ellie west :D

(Also note, though it wasn't by name, Ellie heard her first Joel story today, did you catch it?)

I have a taglist, please let me know if you'd like to be added by commenting below :)

Thank you, as always, for reading and interacting! Love you all :)

Taglist: @paleidiot@ayamenimthiriel@ginger-swag-rapunzel@drewharrisonwriter@flugazi @pedropascalsbbg@taoyuji@starstruckmusiciansartghost@splendsay@bigboiseason123@jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10@sloanexx@ninaminaromina @lady-bellyn @hufflepuffriver @sarap-77 @storyarcscribe @mellymbee @jasminedragoon @lemonmeli @reds-ramblings@arizonadaydreamer@mumma-moonchild@blackroseguzzi

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #smut fic

[oldfarmhouse]

Peek inside the Maine House

AUGUST 1, 2021 · INTERIORS, ON MY BOOKSHELF, WANDERLUST · 3

https://lobsterandswan.com

#unique dwelling #maine architecture #cottage aesthetic

[oldmemoria]

I just remembered I had these little guys sitting on my bookshelf and felt the need to share em. I made them a few years ago, I think it was in 2020, maybe early 2021

I made a jet Star, Kobra kid, fun ghoul, and party poison. Poison is the most accurate in the bunch and I’d definitely remake them later on but I don’t have the supplies for it rn :/

I also made a Gerard cat and a Lola, action cats if you will (I like these two the most 💕)

They’re very charming and if I had the supplies I’d try and recreate them but I don’t, I might try to sometime soon, maybe maybe

#gerard way #my chemical romance #hesitant alien #Frank Iero #ray toro #Mikey way #kobra kid #jet star #party poison #fun ghoul #hesitant alien lola #lola plus g #lola lovesu #gerard way lola #lolaplusg #lola hesitant alien #gerard way hesitant alien #hesitant alien era #hesitant gerard #MCR #mcr art #my chem art #true lives of the fabulous killjoys #danger days #danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #I saw something a little triggering right before this so idk I’m cleansing my mind urgh #✮ Spider scribbles ✮

[patiwloczewska]

Six of Crows just became my #1 read...

🕮 Six of Crows: ★★★★★

Okay, my collection of read books might not be the biggest, however since I read 'The Bones of Avignon' by Jefferson Bass in 2021, I seriously doubted any other book would impress me so much to be able to replace my new favourite. Many others were close, including 'The Man Who Died Twice' by Richard Osman (Thursday Murder Club #2), but none of them were quite as good.

Then came along the duology, Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom which I had ordered for a click and collect on a whim from The Works, and they were sat on my bookshelf for a very long time, waiting until I had finally found the right moment to start reading it. I can't lie, the first chapter threw me off...all this language and talks of Grisha and Stadwatch which I couldn't quite understand put me in an uncertain feeling about the book. It got easier to read as I turned the pages, longing for a new chapter, staying up until early mornings just because 'I'll only read another chapter...'

Because no one expects a group of six thieving teenagers to completely infiltrate my mind, and yes, I am now looking at tattoo designs in honour of how much I enjoyed this book *sigh*.

There was a major part of the plot where I had wanted to scream, and complain, and felt a fear-sensation creep down my spine, but understandably no one wants to be woken up at 2:00 as a result of a few words. This is the first time a book has ever made me want to throw it at a wall (in the nicest way possible).

I think this book deserves all the credit and hype it gets. Leigh Bardugo did an excellent job with this book. Now I've started to read the second part of the duology, 'Crooked Kingdom', and let's hope this one is just as good.

(Also - why am I so touched every time they say "No mourners; No funerals" ?!? ahhhh)

#book #bookblr #books & libraries #reading #review #book review #books and reading #six of crows #crooked kingdom #leigh bardugo

[caeliajournal]

A journey through my moodboards

This is an analysis of all the moodboards I've created since I started journaling, from 2021 up to now

Searching for my golden hour

January, 2021

aestetic: golden hour

This phase of my life is defined by the significance of sunsets as a metaphor for what I was looking for: the magical and ephemeral moment that, despite its daily recurrence, never fails to captivate us.

Each of the images represented a goal:

The girl on the path symbolized the need for self-discovery and forging one's identity.

Roses embodied the past and roots, viewed through a lens of positivity and nostalgia.

We can also appreciate a collection of indoor plants, which would have a different meaning if they were wild plants. In this particular case, it represents caring for those who are home.

The bookshelf served as a gentle nudge to keep enriching my life with stories that leave enduring imprints.

Intertwined hands spoke of romantic connection.

Quotes:

❝Seek magic everyday❞

❝I am learning to find joy right here in the mess of things❞ — Morgan Harper Nichols. ❝Grow through what you go through❞ ❝feel what you need to feel and then let it go. do not let it consume you.❞ - Dhiman [...]

Homemade

September, 2021

aestetic: cottage core

The primary distinction I notice in this moodboard compared to the previous one is that nearly all the scenes take place indoors and are linked to artistic expression. It's akin to the seclusion of an artist, one might say.

Numerous activities are depicted, such as reading, writing, cooking, or drawing. The golden mirror symbolizes a distorted self-perception and the urgent need to gaze into it once more for self-recognition. Additionally, there are recurring elements from the previous board, like intertwined hands and a cat.

Unlike the previous aesthetic, this one features colors reminiscent of nature: muted browns and greens.

Quotes:

❝Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.❞ — Albert Camus, The Rebel, 1951.

❝Never regret your past. Rather, embrace it as the teacher it is.❞ — Robin Sharma

❝You have absolute control over just one thing, your thoughts.❞ — Napoleon Hill

[...]

Eternal dilemma: air or earth

Somewhere in 2023

aestetic: cottage core

The colors in this moodboard are much brighter compared to the previous ones, with green and purple being the main tones. There's a portrayal of a sunrise sky, although it's not golden anymore; rather, it has pastel colors, much softer and calmer.

The symbol of the mirror makes a comeback, along with elements that have disappeared and others that have emerged, like daisies, representing innocence and childhood. Themes such as books and art resurface, though this time there's a greater sense of solitude than in the previous boards.

Quotes:

❝part of her mystery is how she is calm in the storm and anxious in the quiet.❞ — JmStorm

❝He was earthly; she was aerial. He was made of clay and iron; she was made of fire and dreaming❞ — Graham Joyce, Some Kind of Fairy Tale

❝Book collecting is an obsession, an occupation, a disease, an addiction, a fascination, a fate. It is not a hobby.❞

[...]

The manuscript

March, 2024

aestetic: light academia

This moodboard boasts a distinct aesthetic, characterized by neutral tones, and it's centered around the writing process.

There's a contrast of ideas at play. On one side, there's handwriting alongside digital writing; on the other, tea versus coffee. It's safe to say I'm undecided.

There are fewer scenes depicted compared to the previous boards, making it simpler in design.

Quotes:

❝When it comes to art, it's important not to hide the madness.❞ — Atticus

❝The first draft is just you telling yourself the story.❞

#moodboard #cottagecore #cottage aesthetic #aesthetic #light academia #dark academia #light aesthetic #inspiration #photography #inspirational quotes #quotes #A little break from writing

[chaoticamelay]

How to get books about Palestine in your local library (it's very quick and easy!) 🍉

An NYC couple stole 5 pro-Palestinian children's books from their library to 'prevent indoctrination'. For everyone who thinks all people should have access to these stories: your local library might not have any books about Palestine… BUT here’s how you can help them get some!! It’s super easy and takes five minutes!

First, go on the website of your local library, or any that you have a library card for! (I picked a random library as an example, bc Internet safety is important)

2. Then, search the book you want the library to have, just to check if it’s there. If it is, great! You can pick a different book and check again. If it isn’t there, proceed to the next step. (I searched Homeland: My Father Dreams of Palestine, one of the stolen books.) The library didn't have it!

3. Next step might take a bit: you need to find the spot on the site to submit purchase requests. Sometimes it’ll be obvious and other times it might take digging- often it’s at the bottom of the site, or under browse as “suggest a new title”. Here it was under Can’t Find It? In the library info section, and then click “suggest a purchase”!

4. Click on the link and fill out the form! It will ask for title, author, publishing date, target audience, and possibly ISBN: you can find all this info online! I’ll also add some at the end of this post. You’ll also likely need to add your name and library card number so they know the request is coming from someone who uses the library… this particular one didn’t though!

5. Hit submit and you’re done! You can then do this for more books at all the libraries you have cards with :) Go forth and get Palestinian content into your local libraries 🍉

Some books to search: (the ones in bold are the ones stolen from the NYC library, btw!)

Homeland: My Father Dreams of Palestine by Hannah Moushabeck. Published 2023 by Chronicle Books LLC. Children’s book, ISBN 9781797225906

These Olive Trees by Aya Ghanameh Published 2023 by Viking Books For Young Readers. Children’s book, ISBN 9780593525180

Sitti’s Key by Sahar Khader Ali Published 2023 by Little Hibba. Children’s book, ISBN 9798395349675

What the Kite Saw by Anne Laurel Carter Published 2021 by Groundwood Books. Children's book, ISBN 9781773062433

My Garden over Gaza by Sarah Musa. Published 2022 by Ruqaya's Bookshelf. Children's book, ISBN 9781989079256

We Are Palestinian: A Celebration of Culture and Tradition by Reem Kassis Published 2023 by Crocodile Books. Children's book, ISBN 9781623717254

#palestine #free palestine #gaza #free gaza #right to read #🍉 #jews for palestine #public libraries #ceasefire now

[yandere-sins]

Book Leftovers Giveaway!

Hey guys!

Because of all the things that happened in my life recently I had to move, and while sorting out my things and getting them ready I found 4 leftover books that I had made back in 2021. I don't have the space to keep holding on to them in their box but I'd feel terrible having to throw them away, so I was hoping there might be some of you who'd give them a new home ♥

Some of you might remember but I had my book "For Our Happiness" bound which had all my Yantober stories of 2020 in them (book version and additional editing done) + one extra, unpublished chapter. Here are my original posts about it: [Information regarding contents (note: shipping prices are not the same anymore as they were back then!) /// Cover reveal ///Second Print - better and current quality of the book after adjustments]

Luckily those were just extras I got from buying in bulk, so I'm able to offer them for shipping only. It includes the book in new condition with the additional chapter and an art print. Depending on your location shipping should vary between 2,25€ (Germany) and ~20€ (International) and you can add tracking (Europe: 2,50€ and international 4€). Payment will be via Paypal Invoice.

I'd be glad if they went to someone who'd like to re-read the story and keep them on a bookshelf, because if not I'd have to trash them and that hurts :')

If you're interested, please fill out this form and I'll send you the invoice after calculating the shipping cost.

Please note:

All your information are purely for the purpose of sending you the book, and I'll delete them afterwards. They will never be shared or used for anything else since I'll delete them and won't have access to them once the book arrived at it's destination. It'll be the same way that I handled things last time and it's the easiest and fastest way for me to gather information and get the book to you.

It's first come, first serve and I can only accept inquiries through Google Forms.

If you are one of the first four people I'll send you an e-mail to confirm your interest and send you the invoice as soon as I get to it. Please be on the lookout for those two and respond within 3 days so I can process the shipping quickly. I don't wish to get rid of them in such a hurry but my current situation just doesn't allow me to hold on to them for very long, thank you for understanding!

Thank you guys for reading and considering! I hope some of you are willing to provide new homes for them, that would be my biggest wish ♥

If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to DM me here on tumblr!

#admin #yantober book

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Dynaco Repair Post No. 6: The Glow Renewed

Tuesday evening, 12-26-23

I was completely caught off guard by the box by the front door when I got back from Bunny Duty/Safeway/Post Office errands today. Things are supposed to be delivered starting tomorrow, three different packages, but nothing was scheduled to come today.

Busted out in a big grin as soon as I saw it was from my bud in SC: The EL34s got here two days early! So...I was completely (and delightedly) doing something much different this evening than I had planned!

In the box were five tubes, all of them "good spares" I had personally pulled out of working ST70s I had. I'd de-tubed them before I sold them on eBay. They went to afore-mentioned friend who was going to use them in HIS Dynaco, but hadn't yet. He sent 'em back to me, four of the square-bottled Mullards (three of 'em original Dynaco-branded actual Mullards), and one "Winged C" (the Russian iteration), and a JJ as a spare. These had been in one of the systems I'd set up for ANOTHER of our buddies (my bestie who died in 2021). Old, but good, solid tubes with lots of life left in 'em.

The 5AR4 I have is the original one. The silvering at the top is almost non-existent. It's a US-made Mullard clone:

Gorgeous, ain't it?

SO...I got the ST70 ready for relaunch. Put it on the bench and hooked it up to my trusty old Micronta variac, set to "Zero Volts", got the fuse in, and switched it on.

Started out slowly turning it up to 10V, and waiting 15 minutes, and then turned it up another 10V to 20V, and waiting 15 more minutes, lather, rinse, repeat, until I got it up to about 117V.

At about 40V I began to see the barest glow in all but one tube (that Winged C). At 50V, it began to glow as well. So far so good. After about an hour, I'd nursed it up to 70V, every tube glowing strong. I let it sit at 70V for about a half hour, and then just slowly turned the knob on the variac up to 117.

Every tube came up like a champ. The ST70 Glows once again!

I let it sit and burn for about an hour, and checked the bias voltages. I had set the two adjustment pots to their center point. The left channel needed the slightest of increase (probably due to the Winged C) to get it up to the correct voltage, but the right channel was dead-set-centered on 1.56V. Boom. Rock solid. Done.

Now that the repairs are done, and I know everything is working, I will start tomorrow on re-connecting and re-arranging all the components in the system. I'm kinda spent at the moment...it's been quite a day! I'll post more tomorrow, but for tonight I call it a victory. All of the thanks go to my buddies @misfitwashere (who got me the parts) and our old compadre "Harbourmaster" on the East Coast, who sent the tubes.

More tomorrow, and to all a bitchin' Good Night.

Wednesday Night, 12-27-23

Well, it took awhile, but I finally got things re-wired and in position. Got the turntable and the FM3 hooked up and both work splendidly. I found a super-shielded RCA cable for the turntable specifically, and it sounds better...there's almost no need for the turntable ground wire now!

First, tho', I have to show off my speakers. These started their lives as Pioneer boxes, Model CS-44, to be exact. I got them at the thrift store for $25.

BUT: the 8-inch woofers and tweeters in them were garbage, so I replaced them with new components: A pair of 8" butyl-rubber surround, poly-cone woofers (they will never need reconing), and a pair of genuine Danish SEAS Tweeters, salvaged from a working pair of Dynaco A-25s.

The result? The 8-Inch Dynaco Speaker That Never Was! The A-10s had 6-inch woofers, and all the others had 10-inch woofers.

And the sonic result? A pair of mid-sized bookshelf speakers with rock-solid bass and the clearest, most well-defined mids and highs you could ever want to hear! And they don't look bad, either!

Here is everything finally in place:

And that about wraps it up! I've finally got my music back. I'll finally be able to continue my vinyl transcribing, and won't have to worry about my equipment for another good long while.

Many thanks again to my bros @misfitwashere and Harbourmaster. I couldn't have gotten it accomplished without y'all's help.