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#like idk it is stupid but in my head I know there are some people on here that might enjoy my BS and it is comforting
idkwhatever580 · 2 days
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Her pt. 1
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Pairings: Natasha romanoff x reader
Prompt: natasha meets y/n while undercover at a soup kitchen. What happens when hydra gets mixed in?
Warnings ⚠️: cursing, some angst, mentions of blood and gunshot, getting beat up? Tell me if there’s any more!!
Pronouns: she/her
A/N: guys this one is really long 😭 idk how many words tho. Idk how to find that out. Make sure to tell me if you like it and follow if you want to see my next post. (Idk when it will go up but I think I’m gonna do a part two)-> https://www.tumblr.com/idkwhatever580/749925326055948288/her-pt-2
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Natasha’s Pov
Ugh. This is so stupid. I hate this room.
Fury thinks it is a good idea for us to stay in a stupid rinky dink motel to keep our identities safe.
I think it’s bullshit. The least he can give us is a days inn. But noooo we gotta stay in a one star motel that stinks and has horrible water pressure.
I look over at Clint and glare. He smirks at me and says
“Why the long face?”
I sneer and say
“You know exactly why. We’re stuck in this dump for another month!”
He chuckles and says
“We’ve already been here a month. What’s one more? I honestly think this place is growing on me”
I roll my eyes and say
“Of course you would end up liking this shithole.”
He comes over and nudges my shoulder and says
“Hey! Think about it this way. You get to see her for another month.”
I narrow my eyes at him when he puts on a cheeky grin.
I scoff and brush it off like normal. But Clint knows. He knows me. He knows that I like her.
Her.
I could think about her all day if I tried.
You see, Clint and I are on an undercover mission to investigate a possible hydra meeting place. We’ve been eating at this soup kitchen for weeks. Acting like we’re homeless so we can get info. Normally I would hate this job. And I do don’t get me wrong, but there’s this one volunteer. Her name is y/n.
Y/n.
Doesn’t that just roll right off your tongue? I wish she’d roll right on my tongue.
I shake my head to void myself of these thoughts. But it’s all in vain. She is so pretty.
Her smile is bright. Albeit her teeth might not be perfect but I think it makes her even better. She makes this whole thing bearable.
Her sweet face, and quirky remarks make me almost blush.
Almost.
Clint snaps in front of my face and I look up at him and he says
“Did you hear a single thing I said?”
I shake my head even though I want to say yes. Whatever he said could have been important.
He sighs and says
“Well. I’m going to take a shower. And try to see if the water actually heats up this time. If not. I’ll still be in there a while. I gotta take a shit. So if you need to use the bathroom I suggest you go now or forever hold your peace”
I chuckle a bit and shake my head and he grabs his towel and says
“Alright. Have fun thinking about y/n”
He goes off and I lie back on the bed. It creaks but I don’t care anymore. All I can think about is her.
I don’t know who she is. She seems well off. But she’s not mean. No. What mean person would willingly volunteer at a soup kitchen?
She is so tender. Always making sure all the homeless people get their fair share and if she thinks someone is looking a little skinny one day she’ll give them a bit more.
She always gives me a bit more. Then says she put too much. Clint thinks it’s just to see me a bit more. I think she’s just a bit tired by the time I get in line.
Her.
God. It’s only been a month and her beauty floods my senses. I remember the first time she hugged me.
She smelled like oranges and cupcakes.
She always stayed and sat with all the homeless people. Making sure to update herself on their lives.
Clint and I stay longer though. So she ends up talking to me. He kind of acts closed off. So that he can always be on guard.
He knows my senses are being let down by her. And he’s okay with it. I wish I wasn’t.
She talks of her life a lot. And I sometimes think I see her look at my lips but I shake it away and try to forget that telling myself I imagined it.
By the time I’m done day dreaming of her today, Clint comes out and says
“One. Do NOT go in there. And two. Let’s get ready to go”
I sigh and smile a bit. I know I’m gonna get to see her. I put on my ‘homeless attire’ and we leave the building.
We walk into the soup kitchen along with some of the others who are nice. I look around and my eyes zero in on y/n’s normal spot. I see her and she sees me at the same time
She smiles excitedly and waves at all of us but her eyes linger on me. I wave back shyly.
We go up and she portions our food while asking how everyone’s day has been.
When it’s my turn she portions my food and hands it to me and then says
“Oh! I think I gave you a bit too much. Here let me fix it.”
She brushes her hand across mine and for the first time. I blush.
I blush
Crap. I blushed.
Thankfully she doesn’t notice. But I know.
She hands it back to me and says “there you go sweets”
I smile shyly but I’m screaming inside. I thank y/n and scurry off to my undesignated designated spot. Clint sits by me and says
“Did you?”
I slap him in the arm and say
“Shut up Barton or I’ll kill you”
He giggles and hops away from me to eat his food.
After a while y/n comes up to me and says
“Hey girl! I finally finished the portions. Wanna talk?”
She always asks if I want to talk and I always nod my head. She sits down and start yapping while I smile and listen to it all. At some point she says
“My mom and I always had this deal. That if I ever sent a message to her with a lowercase x at the end, that means I am in danger. Thank goodness I never had to use it though.”
She quickly moves on to another topic just as fast as she got to the previous. I try to keep up with her.
As the soup kitchen closes for the day around 3 and we all leave. I leave with a smile on my face.
God she’s so pretty.
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I wake up in bed and smile. I look over at my alarm clock and realize I have only about thirty minutes left to get ready for the soup kitchen.
I hop out of bed and Clint smirks and says
“You’ve never slept that long. You good?”
I roll my eyes and say
“Fuck off”
We quickly leave for the soup kitchen and I walk in and look for y/n. My eyebrows furrow when she’s not in her normal spot.
I go over to Calvin, the soup kitchen owner and say
“Hey. Is y/n here today?”
He shakes his head and says
“No. Surprisingly she sent me a text this morning saying she’s not gonna make it. Look”
Calvin turns his phone towards me and I read the message.
Y/n Y/l/n
Hey! I’m so sorry this is last minute but I can’t come in today. Hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow! x
My eyes widen and I say
“Oh. Okay. Thanks Calvin.”
I quickly walk to Clint who is eagerly waiting in line for his food. I whisper to him.
“We need to go. Y/n is in danger.”
He looks at me confused and says
“What? You heard Calvin. He said she said she was fine.”
I shake my head and only now does Clint realize I am being serious.
“Aww but I just got to the front of the line”
Clint whines and pouts and I say
“If I let you grab this you better get a to go box. And hurry”
In a stern voice. He nods his head and gets his food quickly.
We head back to the motel. I pull out my emergency bag and grab the laptop. I’m only supposed to go online in emergencies and I dictate this as one.
I explain to Clint what is wrong and he nods his head in agreement. Y/n has never missed a day of the soup kitchen. Even when she was so tired she looked dead.
I quickly power it on and start looking into her socials.
It’s a wonder I haven’t looked her up until now. It’s actually a wonder that I haven’t even heard of her. She’s popular.
She’s a famous artist. Actress and Singer/songwriter. Her name is Y/n y/m/n y/l/n. She’s 24. Only three years younger than me. She acts in some really popular movies. Of course I never have watched them. Or else I would have probably recognized her. She writes and sings a bit. But not much.
I start digging deeper. I look at her most recent posts and I see that she posted on Instagram about the same time that she sent the message to Calvin.
I read the post and it’s a cute picture of her. From yesterday. That’s the outfit she wore and she took a quick selfie in it.
She added a paragraph and I scour it intensely.
Hey guys! I know I don’t do this a lot but I whant to come on heere and thank you for your dedication tol me. I’m so excited to have hit fifty milliopn follmowers on Instageram. It’sh truly an hyonor to be lovedd by so rmany of youa. xoxo x
I see how she has a bunch of misspelled words and I put two and two together. The misspellings put together make out a sentence.
Help me hydra x
I look back at Clint and he says
“Damn. That was easy. She’s smart.”
All the comments are either fawning over her or bullying her for having so many misspellings but I know. She’s communicating to me. To anyone who notices. And I am the person right now.
Thankfully, the hydra people are fucking stupid. And I’m highly trained in coding. So I am able to track her phone easily.
I pinpoint it at the soup kitchen. And then Clint grabs my shoulder and says.
“The back room. Y/n always talked about Calvin chilling in a back room that she caught a glimpse of once. She said it looked scary.”
I widen my eyes and my shoulders tense up say
“You think they’re stupid enough to keep her there?”
He nods his head and I shake mine and say
“Well. There’s no harm in trying. And we might get our mission done faster if we’re right.”
I quickly put on my suit as Clint puts his on in the bathroom. He walks up with his bow and arrow at the ready and he says.
“You ready?”
I nod my head stiffly and we hop in the run down car that we are only allowed to use in emergencies. Once again we both dictate this an emergency.
Clint drives as I map out a plan outloud.
“Okay. So we’re gonna split up. You go in the front. I’ll go in the back. See what we can find. I know our mission is to get intel but if y/n doesn’t make it out alive I’m gonna burn the whole city down.”
Clint chuckles a bit with his signature smile on and I raise my eyebrow and say
“What?”
He shakes his head and says,
“Well, it’s just- you really like this girl huh? I mean burning the city down is a pretty big thing to do. And that’s kind of odd for you. I didn’t think you’d be the type.”
I scoff and cross my arms and say
“We need to focus on the mission. And not the fact that I may or may not be down bad.”
He chuckles once more and then pulls into a spot away from the soup kitchen.
I run to the back and Clint runs to the front once we solidify our plan and then we both easily break in. The soup kitchen is usually open in case there is a homeless person who desperately needs shelter. Like if there’s a storm or something. Thankfully though Clint tells me through comms that there’s no one inside.
“I’m in”
I say when I pick the lock. I frown when I realize that this is gonna be an easy feat. I know not to let my guard down. Just in case.
I hear a crackle when the comms come on and Clint says,
“Hey nat… you’re gonna want to see this”
I put my finger on my earpiece and say,
“Did you find y/n?”
“No, but I found the intel we were definitely looking for. And a lot more.”
I frown and say,
“Okay put it on a drive then come find me. I’m in the west wing. Call a quinjet to pick us up.”
——————————————————————————
Nobody’s pov
Clint downloads the files to a usb drive and he kind of freezes for a moment as he sees the files of horrifying victims flow into it. There’s footsteps headed his way and he pulls out his arrows and prepares to shoot someone.
One set of footsteps quickly becomes about four and something he can quite pin he takes a breath prepared to fight.
The doors open so fast he doesn’t even have time to blink before he is shooting his arrows. He quickly downs four of them but he knows there’s a fifth.
He slowly looks around the area they came in and moves around the desk only to find a shaking ball of a human. He squats down and says
“Y/n?”
So softly she might not have heard it. She snaps her head up and says
“Cliff?”
She sniffles when she says his code name and he holds his hand out for her and says.
“It’s Clint. I know this is confusing and scary but we’ve got to find Natasha and get you out of here before anything else happens okay?”
She nods her head and says
“Is Natalie Natasha?”
Clint nods his head and presses his earpiece to tell Natasha that they’re done.
Natasha huffs and says
“Wow you just have to take all the credit huh?”
Clint giggles a bit and then grabs the full usb drive and starts walking out carefully. He looks back at y/n and says
“Are you coming or not?”
She is shaking and says,
“Uh. I- I think I can’t walk”
Clint finally realizes that she has a bullet in her thigh and it’s bleeding a bit but thankfully not enough to kill her. At least for now. He sighs and says,
“Alright. I’m gonna pick you up and we’re gonna fly to New York for a bit to get you healed.”
She nods her head and we head off.
Once Clint gets everyone on the quinjet y/n passes out.
“Fuck”
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Y/n’s pov
I wake up in a hospital bed. I open my eyes a bit just to close them immediately. You’d think that they would turn the lights down or something.
I groan a bit and someone is at my side. I don’t even want to see who it is. I just want to get back to my home.
Which is what got me into this situation in the first place.
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(Kind of flashback?)
I walked out of the soup kitchen. Everyone had left and I locked the door. I decided to walk there today so I started my trek back home. And then I realized I left my phone. So I went back and unlocked the door.
Calvin was in there. I assume he is just restocking or something and I say hi and asked if he has seen my phone.
He dangles it in front of my face and then puts a gun to my head.
Shit
He says I need to make a text to send to him so that nobody from the soup kitchen worries about me and then make a post so that my fans don’t think anything of my absence.
At this point. I probably won’t be making it out.
Yes I’m famous. And yes I have a lot of caring fans.
But nobody knows me well enough to even think of me. And by the time someone does. I’ll probably be dead.
He walks me to the back room that I’ve only seen once. Damn. I knew this was sketch.
His grip on my hands is so tight.
I didn’t even realize I have tears streaming down my face until he says
“Quit your whimpering. If you get us caught you’re dead”
I look up at him and say
“Us? There’s more?”
He scoffs and says
“Of course there’s more of us. Hydra doesn’t do loners. We’re not dumb enough. Now shut up or I’ll kill you and everyone else you’ve ever loved. Including your little Natalie”
That shut me up real quick.
Fuck my life.
He throws me in a cell and beats me up. I have so many cuts and bruises already.
He left me about an hour ago and now I’m just laying here on the concrete. By my calculations the soup kitchen will open in about 8 hours. Hopefully Natalie notices I’m gone.
She notices everything.
I know she’s homeless and I’m not but part of me wants to take her with me. Give her a new life.
Make her mine.
But she doesn’t like me like that. And that wouldn’t be fair to the other homeless people who have been here even longer.
Gran says I’m head over heels and I should court her. But she’s also a bit crazy.
But then again pops says she likes me back. And although pops is like never wrong, there’s always a first time for everything. I’m not so sure though.
God how am I thinking of her at a time like this? I’m actually daydreaming about a silly little (not so little) crush of mine while my life is at stake. Well, I have nothing else to do. So thinking about her it is.
Her
She’s so beautiful. Even when she has dirt all over her and her clothes look like they need more than just a little stitching and washing.
Natalie
It’s a pretty name but it honestly doesn’t fit her quite right. I just don’t know what other name would though.
Meh. I’m probably just being weird.
By the time I am finished thinking about her I fall asleep and I wake up and calculate it is already morning. Thank god. My calculations are confirmed when one of the guards brought me food for some reason. I ask him
“What time is it?”
He says,
“I’m not supposed to talk to you but it’s 10:46 am”
I nod my head and thank him.
I scarf the food down so I can hopefully get as much energy before they take it away from me. Maybe I’ll be able to stay alive longer.
After I’m finished Calvin walks in and says
“What do you know about Natalie?”
I frown and say
“Why?”
“You’re very close to her. And i want info on her. If you tell me everything you know I’ll let you go”
I consider my options. But clearly they want her info for something. I don’t want her to be in danger. She’s strong yes. But she’s also homeless. Nobody to care for her. And I don’t want her to die on my watch. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if one of my favorite people died because of me. Hoe selfish would that be.
So I say the bare minimum.
“I don’t actually know much about her. I usually do all the talking.”
He kicks me. Ouch.
“I think her favorite color is red. And her favorite food is whatever I cook. At least that’s what she says.”
Another kick. Ow.
Calvin gets a bit mad and says.
“The soup kitchen is about to open. I’m gonna go get the food prepared and you’re going to think about every little thing she’s ever told you. And about that cliff dude too.”
I glare at him and say
“He never talks. You think I know anything? I’m just a stupid girl.”
He sneers and says
“If you don’t come up with anything good you better kiss your little girlfriend goodbye.”
I frown and curl into a ball as he leaves.
I mumble
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
What can I find that will seem plausible that isn’t true about her.
——————————————————————————
Time jump to after soup kitchen closes and Calvin comes back.
“Tell me everything you know bitch”
I spit at him and say
“I don’t know anything about them”
He gets really angry at that and he kicks me in the head.
I’m shaking really bad already. That’s gonna hurt way worse later. If I make it to later.
After more and more berating he finally has enough and pulls out a gun. I cry and sob and say
“Pl- please no. Calvin you’re better than this! It’s okay I won’t tell anyone! I promise just let me go. Please”
I beg but he doesn’t give in. He points the gun at me and shoots.
It hits me in my thigh and I scream. I scream and I scream and he says
“Shut up bitch. Nobody can hear you. They won’t hear you when you scream.”
I cry but I quiet down. Clearly there’s no point in using my voice. I’m just gonna die anyways.
Suddenly there’s a guard running to Calvin and he whispers something to him. Calvin looks at me and says
“Get up bitch. You’re coming with us”
Three more guards come and pick me up and start marching me away from whatever it is they’re scared of. They open a door and then I fall on the ground. They dropped me for some reason but I don’t care. I curl up into a ball and then a soft voice calls my name.
I look up and say
“Cliff?”
——————————————————————————
And that’s how I ended up here.
I’m in a hospital bed. Somewhere. Probably safe.
I finally open my eyes and see Natalie. Well. Natasha.
That name fits her better. Now I know why I felt that way. She’s still so pretty.
But she’s in a black catsuit. It shows off her curves. I look away because I don’t want to objectify her or anything.
She smiles and says
“You’re awake”
I can tell that she wants to say something else but doesn’t know if she can.
I look at her and say.
“Yeah. What happened?”
“Well. You obviously know you were kidnapped by hydra.”
I nod my head and don’t let her finish. I’m clearly hurt when I say
“Why did you lie to me?”
She sighs and says.
“I’m sorry. You have every right to be mad at me. I lied because I am an avenger. We’re in New York City at the avengers tower. I can take you home as soon as you’re cleared. But for now I’m going to explain okay?”
I nod my head and let her speak.
“Since I am an avenger and a highly ranked spy, I sometimes have to go on missions undercover. My name is Natasha romanoff. My alias’ are Natalie rushman, black widow and others. I was recently undercover with my friend and coworker Clint Barton. His alias’ are cliff barren and Hawkeye.”
She pauses and then continues
“We were looking to find intel. We had a hint that hydra, the people that took you, were there. Thankfully you were able to send a message out before they took you. They’re dumb. So I tracked you the second I knew you were in danger.”
I frown and say
“So you lied about not knowing who I was?”
She shook her head and says
“I only found out who you were after you sent that message. Because I looked you up on my emergency computer. So no. I didn’t lie about that. Y/n you are very brave and strong. Most people wouldn’t have made it out of there. Most people didn’t.”
I nod my head and say
“So. How long have I been out?”
“About a day and a half. Clint and I went to the soup kitchen the past two days to make sure everyone was okay. It’s under new management already. She’s nice. Her name is Mary. We cleared out hydra and everything and everyone at the soup kitchen is okay.”
I nod my head and say
“That’s good.”
I frown and say
“What now?”
She sighs and sits down and says
“Well. You have a few options after you’re cleared. Continue on with life and forget all about us. Or, we can create a new safe soup kitchen and you can start creating houses for the homeless. Give them new opportunities. Get some of them into rehab. Follow your dream. Fully paid of course, courtesy of Tony Stark and SHEILD considering you helped us get one of the biggest bouts of information in a very short amount of time.”
My eyes light up and I say
“Wait… you… you listened to me when I was talking?”
Natasha nods her head and says
“I don’t know if you noticed but I notice everything. When you talked about your dreams of retiring as an actress to help the needy, it was so moving. It’s a good dream. And I want to help you achieve it.”
I sit up carefully and say
“I’m so excited I could just kiss you!”
I realize what I said and then say
“Oh shit. I didn’t- I don’t- I didn’t mean that”
Natasha says
“Really? Because I would have done it if you did mean it.”
I widen my eyes and point at her a little dumbfounded and say
“You- you wanna- I-l”
She smirks and walks up to my hospital bed and leans into me. She stops just before to silently ask permission and I nod my head.
She presses her lips softly into mine and they’re softer than clouds. She pulls away softly and I giggle like a school girl and say
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”
Natasha raises her eyebrow and says
“Even when I was covered in dirt and smelled like shit?”
I shrug my shoulders and say
“I think it adds to your charm. You’re a cutie”
We hear a chuckle from the doorway and Clint walks in. He smirks and says
“I don’t think anyone has ever called Natasha romanoff a cutie and made it out alive.”
Natasha rolls her eyes and says
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Nobody called me anything”
I giggle and say.
“Natasha?”
She immediately looks at me and I say
“Do you think I can really do that homeless shelter?”
She nods her head and says
“I know you can.”
I smile realizing a whole new chapter of my life is about to start. And it’s gonna be great.
All because of her
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A/N: whew!! Damn that was long. I hope y’all liked it!!! Please tell me if there are any warnings I missed. I think I’m gonna do a part two of the next chapter in y/n’s life. I really just write whatever I’m thinking about lol. My anons are in fact open. I don’t have too many requirements. But expect to have a happy ending lol I’m so sappy 🤷‍♀️🩷
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fleshdyke · 2 months
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#csa warning for tags#ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh#completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i#also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad#like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man#was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to#'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background#all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or#whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important#i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting#that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently#wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all.#and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head#like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have#to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it.#bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit#i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus#an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually#harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all#bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid.#and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is#but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core.#i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways#rambles#vent
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I LOVE going everywhere by bike. Don't need to wait for a bus. Don't need to cram myself into a bus with (urgh) people. Or even worse, what feels like every single student in town. I still get home in about the same amount of time. I'm so so flexible including with places. Like yeah sure, let's go there! I don't care if the next bus station is far away. Doesn't matter to me.
Stayed out late with friends recently. Two of em had to get their family to come pick them up because that's too far to walk and it was too late for buses. A different friend lives like 30 minutes away but always walks and their way goes through a small park where literally no one is at with few lanterns so it's pitch black and I could literally just walk them home and then take the bike which is faster and has its own light and feels and probably is safer than walking those dark ass streets at night alone.
Like. I can just do all that. And yeah, sometimes when I'm not doing too well I feel like collapsing afterwards and yeah, maybe my fingers feel like falling off a lot at this time of year but that's like. SO worth it. I have no idea how people can live and NOT go everywhere by bike. Like if it's more than 20-30 minutes maybe but even with hills.... I fucking love my bike.
#a biscuit's rambles#also i just love going out with friends til late??#with the lockdown and shit that is such an entirely new experience and its great#also i like feeling useful i think. i like walking a friend home knowing ill definitely get home safe#idk#i also like my bike. a lot#been taking it literally every single day for years now and i have no regrets#EXCEPT FOR THOSE FUCKING PEDESTRIANS THAT HEAR MY BELL AND DO NOT FUCKING MOVE#AND THE OTHER BIKES THAT JUST DONT RING THEIR BELLS OR NOT EVEN HAVE ANY#LIKE THEN YOU GOTTA AT LEAST YELL AT PEOPLE TO MOVE OVER YOU NUMBNUT#A BIKE IS QUIET THEY DO NOT HEAR YOU THEY WILL NOT MOVE OVER MAGICALLY#AND IM STUCK BEHIND YOU#ALSO ITS JUST ASSHOLE BEHAVIOUR LIKE SOMEITMES WARNING SOMEONE SO THEY KEEP TO THE BLOODY SIDE IS GOOD!!!#and dont even get me STARTED ON SOME OF THE CARS#MUCH LESS THE STUPID ASS FUCKING INFRASTRUCTURE OF MY TOWN#ITS LIKE THEY WANT BIKES TO BE RUN OVER#fun fact i have been run over before#just fuckin collided with a car#nobody would listen to me try to pick apart the details of how it felt#which was probably my way of trying to cope with that experience lol#though nothing serious happened. bUT STILL#also oh god that one stupid fucking street with those stupid ass cars NOBODY NEEDS A CAR THERE JUST BAND HTEM ALREADY#AND THE. THE FUCKIGN ROADWORKS#I CAN NOT REACH MY SCHOOL WITHOUT ALMOST BEING EITHER HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A HUGE SHOVEL OR RUN OVER BY A TRUCK#AND IF THATS NOT THE CASE THEN THERES SO MANY FCKING PEOPLE THAT EVEN IF I YELL AT THEM LIKE MAD I CANT GET PAST WITHOUT RUNNING SOMEONE#THROUGH MYSELF#im very passionate about all things bike. but thinking abt it is a huge part of my life so im allowed to be
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hella1975 · 9 months
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yes this is a natural series of events when you've worked at the same place for over a year and it also happens to have RIDICULOUSLY quick turnover where very few people wind up staying on consistently, but ive become one of the Experienced Waitresses That Knows What They're Doing at my job and we very suddenly have a lot of New Teenagers That Have Never Done This Before and it's just. insane to me. bc when i started my job i was SO intimidated like it truly is a big very fast-paced place where everyone has to pull their weight (ie you need to be able to do the coffee station and work the floor and run food and help on bar) and the customers are particularly wankerish so the more Experienced Staff that had been there for a while were like mini gods to me. like truly i thought they were so cool and smart and unbothered and now that's me. i have a gaggle of 17 year olds constantly asking me how to do things and I KNOW THE ANSWER. on a government wage no less
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keptthepieces · 2 months
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just another diary entry obvs
#i still feel so sad#yk i mean i take things very deeply very personally im sure some people remember may '21 lol#but this is just very hard for me because im so confused#why would you let resentment build towards someone about something they dont even know theyre doing to bother you#to the point that youre hurting the other person and they dont even know why for the longest time#it hurts a lot it wasnt even addressed at all until i brought it up bcs i couldn't stand not knowing and yet feeling so hurt and confused#i needed to know it wasn't in my head and i was right#but now im second guessing everything they talked to me so normally said they care about me all the way up until the day before#but ive felt the distance for a while so do they love me like they said or was that not true#if they dont then im such an idiot i really care about them i really respect them and love them#idk im really hurting very badly#really stupid for a 25 yr old to feel so hurt because they annoyed someone#but i just wish it was addressed sooner and for someone who prides themselves on being open and honest and direct..#it feels like they maybe just didnt care enough to talk to me about it.#so yk maybe they dont care about me.#which also feels like an offensive conclusion to come to about them when they dont lie and value honesty and openness so much#i dont want to think they dont love me bcs i do think i know them pretty well i do think theyd never lie about that#but maybe ive only convinced myself of that because it would hurt far worse if they didnt#whatever anyways im so stupid and i know i must have fucked things up by being too much again.#ill leave them alone and the hurt will ease up eventually#their friendship has meant a lot to me theyve done a lot for me i dont want to lose it completely i really dont#i just dont regulate well how much i care for my friends and its too much sometimes its one of the worst things about me#but i genuinely want my friends to know theyre loved and thought of and cared about and i mean it#and i cant always tell when i hit overbearing so i fuck things up.#anyways i am sorry i made someone i care about feel overwhelmed and i regret that i made them uncomfortable for i dont even know how long#im hurt but thats the worst thing i couldve done#okay ill shut up now stop talking about it its just still fresh to me obviously cant talk abt it on twt and they dont follow me here#i needed to vent without my irl friends 'fuck them' attitude bcs theyre a good person and friend and it does feel like its only my fault#for the most part anyways minus yk the communication bit#but we'll circle back to the do they even count us friends doubts and we dont need that ill move on now needed to get it off my chest
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justanotherfanartist · 3 months
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idr who it was but somebody I reblogged a post on a while back in which I dumped a bunch of random personal stuff in the tags if you see this this is for you 🙏🙏 also I’m lying I’m just a yapper
#I love turning tumblr into my personal diary knowing this will probably just get buried in the annels of my blog#I’m sure that’s not how you spell that but wtv#anyways grrrr I love men I love figuring out my type#I’ve dated three guys who all coincidentally happen to be relatively tall skinny athletic types#not an intended pattern btw it just happened like that#but now I am experiencing the true joy of variety#gahhhh I love body fat I love guys with body fat I am sick in the head for men who are squishy and have tummies and ass#it’s not my fault that kinda guy just happens to be the center snare in drumline it’s the curse of band kid I guess#holy shit I need to stop dating people in my band actually Jesus Christ it’s two already. see but like or I could collect the set#and go for all different instruments or categories#I’ve got brass (trombone) and woodwind (tenor sax) down#so like percussion?? mayhaps#our drumline is exclusively made up of three types of people for some reason#a) every girl is legit cool a bit masc and definitely gay (I know two personally and a third that fits the bill) and very skilled#b) very much oddball types who nobody in the band gets along with because they actively make people uncomfortable (hard to describe)#c) most grey-sweatpants straight guy you’ve ever seen who just happens to be reserved n semiattractive. looking at two of them in particula#(section leader and center snare specifically) third category hits hard#not my fault the center snare is stupid pretty and reserved and kinda squishy <- on the floor drooling#and like. a good snare#idk what happened to me but as soon as I became a musician people being able to play well became VERY attractive to me#curse of band kid once again#I’m genetically predisposed to it it’s fine <- raised by two divorced music majors#in particular an alto sax and the center snare are two guys that stick as me having a moment of like oh wow they’re *good*. haha that’s hot#alto sax is a killer jazz player and I’m psyched I get to trio with him and one of the drumline girls (my favorite tgirl fr)#although they’re both way better than I am so I’m really the weak link here#which is a hard asf sell given that they want me on bass <- I am a decent-to-mid rhythm guitarist at best#but wtv. everything I do I do for jazz#the most personal information I will likely ever admit to (I am lying I will vaguely yap about myself all day long)
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transbee · 7 months
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having did and being online in any capacity is so fucking exhausting because you literally can't go anywhere without seeing the most heinous takes about your existence or validity it's like. can we be normal. can we please be normal and Chill for like two seconds.
#HEADS UP: this accidentally turned into a huge rant/vent feel free to get the hell out el oh el#i try reallly hard not to talk about it too much here because you can. offhandedly mention the mere concept of did or osdd or any#dissociative disorder and its like. people will not shut up about how its not real or how its people being delusional or kids being cringe#like. can we go. two seconds without treating people with mental disorders like a spectacle. please. you dont have to have a ''take'' on it#idk and i also avoid online did communities bc theyre the most exhausting spaces you can ever be in and theres constant fighting about#literally anything and everything. like. maybe i would like to find a space to meet other people with similar experiences to my own.#and we dont get that!! we literally cannot get that. and this goes for a lot of mental health related stuff but like my god#and im very lucky to have other people i know in real life who also have did so i can in some amount have that support system (hah.)#but it is EXHAUSTINGG that people cannot go literally a day without saying something stupid about systems#or i can be following someone for years and unprompted they will saysomething heinous thing about did and hide it behind something like#get a load of how weird and cringey kids are getting online these days.#and CHRISTT thats a whole OTHER issue i REALLY dont wanna talk about because it has its own whole set of nuances but like jeeeesus#is it really so hard for people to grasp that brains when exposed to traumas at a young age will be affected by it in weird ways.#idk man ive been seeing a lot of offhanded disregard for systems recently and it's so normalized and it's starting to get to me i guess#i wish people could just go well this is something i dont understand and dont need to have an opinion on and move on with their lives.#what the hell ever this is all to say having did has impacted my life in a lot of complicated and intricate and hard to explain ways and it#sometimes painful and awful but other times is an incredible experience and ALSO. most IMPORTANTLY !#i should be able to make jokes about BEING FRIENDS with SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!! in REAL LIFE!!!#and not have to deal with SUICIDE BAIT IN MY INBOXX BECAUSE OF IT!!!#WHATEVERRR !!! RANT OVARRR I HAVE NOODLES TO MAKE AND EAT#.... WITH my friend SHADOW!!!#.txt#and btw this isnt about anyone ik here so dont worry im not upset with any mutuals etc etc and all that.#in fact i love getting the chance to chat about it n it can be fun to teach stuff to people who know how to like...be normal about it LOL#<3
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irlnikeiyomiuri · 10 months
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i had ONE decent interaction with another person and now i want to ask my friends to come hang out. however, i literally never left my house once covid started, and the few friends/acquaintances i chatted with, as soon as i saw them on person, i very strongly disliked them.
i have one friend.
#puts my head in hands………#also i think she may hate me. so. :(.- I SAY THIS NOT TO VENT. I DO NOT FEEL ANYTHING !!!!!!#i just think u all need to sympathize with how difficult it is to go find fwends#-oh my god im already facing the adult issue of unable to make friends bc of lack of interaction with others#i. the body is still not close to 18. ….. …………#gently whacks andrew. damn bitch who did u let take care of this thing why ur life in shambles?? (totally not my fault)#edit. anyways should i reach out to my friend and try to get her to hang out uhhhh… some time later this week ?#or do i try and contact the person i was around the other day. i’ve known her since like 4th grade but idk if i should call her a friend#we had a fine interaction but it was literally like… four hours after my lesson and before her date. and she just wanted to hear about my#trip. which did in fact take four hours to discuss#so it’s like hmmm do i want to be around her for longer in a unstructured setting-#HER STUPID BF IS SO RICH AND ITS SO INFURIATING TO HEAR ABOUT#THEYRE SO WASTEFUL WITH THEIR MONEY ITS INSANE !!!!!!!!#it makes me so like. ticked off. tf do u mean they last-minute booked u a flight across the country so u could come w them#to the fucking PENINSULA UR BFS GRANDMA O W N S. WHAT ???????#i’m trying to be vague. but this peninsula is in a /nice/ fucking area like if i were to say it y’all would immediately know what i’m#talking about. like uhh. cape cod martha’s vineyard that type of infamy. owns a whole ass peninsula………..#i HATE IT i HATE RICH PEOPLE !!!
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emeraldbabygirl · 11 months
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If fucking trump gets away with this shit and becomes president again I swear to god. R.I.P every law ever put in place, say hello to the permanent purge. Like what the fuck is the point of having laws and things that presidents shouldn’t do if they aren’t going to get in trouble? Like? People should get punished for doing bad it shouldn’t matter what your status is or your whatever. Nixon and Clinton got impeachment for doing stuff that is nothing compared to what this cheeto is doing. The stupid trump supporters are gonna think they can do whatever the hell they what and not get jail time or whatever because trump didn’t. As if we didn’t have enough shootings and enough break-ins and enough crime as is and it’ll only get worse and even more so if people have the mindset of “well trump got away with it so I can too 🤡”
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arytha · 2 years
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oh i am *miserable* tonight
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#okay so idk where to talk about this cos I feel attention seeking for some reason if I tell people irl so I’m just gonna dump it here lmao#few days ago had genuinely the most fucking scariest experience of my life I was sitting at a taxi stand waiting for my dad to pick me up#it’s like almost pitch black around 8.30-9pm for some reason and this guy comes out of his car shouting at the driver and threw a bag down#I just kept my head down didn’t look up cos um ok man with anger issues I guess#he sits next to me and after a while I hear hi repeatedly and I realise he’s talking to me and I thought oh maybe he needs directions so#I look up and he starts asking personal questions and shit and asking for my number and I just become paralysed from fear idk#I answer all his questions idk why I was just really scared he’d get angry and there was no one around and when he asked for my number I#told him oh parents said I cant give out numbers to strangers and also I’m pretty young and I tell him I’m 15 hoping it’d deter him#and he just tells me he’s 20 and continues asking and saying he just wants to be friends and at that point I was really really#fuck idk I was just really scared and no one was around us and it’s pitch black and it’s so stupid I was trembling a bit but thank god my#dad came and I just dashed to the car I fuck it’s so stupid he didn’t do anything but shit#and now it’s dumb I’m scared to go back to that station like I know he won’t be there but fuck that was actually the worst experience of my#life I should’ve gotten up and walked away but idk why I froze up#delete later
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riverswater · 3 months
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I think I'm going to complain.
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salaciousdoll · 7 months
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· · Just in: Kento Nanami isn’t tolerating his young hot neighbor party habits, here’s what he has to say · ·
・˳ . ⋆ Reporting Live from Kento Nanami and Next door neighbor!Fem!reader ・˳ . ⋆
୨⍣୧ ⁺⁎˚ ⋆━━ Warnings : smut, Nanami is a hard!dom, hair pulling, creampie, fucked through orgasm, pet names( stupid bunny, slut, etc.), degradation is big time here, bed breaking( not just the head board), breeding kink, Nanami talks about getting you pregnant, hardcore, reader is mind fucked, Nanami is pussy drunk, reader is dick drunk, fluids( cream, squirting, drool), if I’m missing anything let me know WC: 1,081
MDNI, 18+
ෆ ‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿ ෆ ̟ ̇ ┈•゚Note from salaciousdoll: Please do note this was just to poke and have fun, it’s not gonna be perfect so don’t expect it. Anyways, hope you all enjoy my 35 min writing and yes I know this troupe and idea been used a thousands times, act like it hasn’t 😭 Nanami ass may be ooc here, idk.
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Nanami always kept his eyes out for the new neighbor who threw parties with mountains of people coming in and out. He was pretty tired of the parties you throw even if you never introduced yourself to any one of your neighbors. You were young and everyone in this neighborhood was either stepping into their 30s or older than that. Only reason he knew you were young was because of how often he’ll see you leave and come in with different boys and girls.
The parties you threw were rowdy and full on project x type beat except without trashing your house. Nanami would be sleep and all he would hear is screams, music, and even the sound of fucking near his window. It’s like you didn’t care about anything or anyone, not even the complaints or calls from the police the other neighbors sent.
So Nanami didn’t care about the way you were clawing at his chest with your long, pretty acrylics as he gripped your hair in a tight ponytail— pounding into your pussy from beneath you with no mercy. The squelching sounds weren't enough to make him stop, in fact, that’s the sole reason he kept going. He ignored your cries and scrambling to get away from him because of how good he stretched your little hole out.
“ you’re not lasting like I thought you would… I mean sluts last long, so why aren’t you?”, Nanami grunts into your ear, his hips thrusting up into your weeping pussy, angrily. He didn’t care about the bed hitting the wall as he fucked you like the whore you’re mother wouldn’t be proud of.
You coughed and tried to make eye contact with him, but his grip on your hair was too much for you to see his face under you. So you cried out your frustration through crystallized vision, “ M’not a slut. Please slow down, Mr. Nanami.” Your sweet little moans and whimpers were beautiful.
Nanami let out a loud growl like moan and wrapped one arm around your body while he now had some of your ponytail tangled and wrapped into his hands, he was making your hair messy just like he was making your pussy messy. You partially regretted coming on because of the dare, but in the same breath, you were happy because now you’re living two of your fantasies.
“ You are. You are. Nnnhh, you’re a little slut that’s been disturbing this neighborhood since you stepped foot in here. Shame on you, did your mother and father teach you anything or are you too dumb of a bunny to understand. Fuck!”, Nanami grunts out his words because of how tight your fluttering walls wrapped around his dick.
Nothing but cries and little chokes escaped out of your mouth. You couldn’t form basic words, how dumb can you be? Nanami balls were slapping on your puckered hole from how fast and rough he was going. You gave up on digging your nails into his chest because you were so fucked out and tired from the pounding he’s giving you. So now your bare chest was pressed onto his bare chest, sweat glands producing from both of you.
“ Please! Please! Please! M’gonna m’gonna— uhhnnn.”, your moans were suppressed by his smooth lips. You were screaming into his mouth as you squirted over his pelvis, his balls, and legs. Some of it was getting on his sheets and he didn’t care one bit. He was too angry at you to see how messy you’ve gotten his covers.
You tried to scramble off him because you were squirting too much and the pressure of it all was too much especially for your already beaten up pussy. It’s like Nanami has superhuman speed and stamina. He sped up even more faster as he fucked up into you, you and your pussy screamed and cried.
Nanami grunts were beginning to become broken, “ Sh-ittt, s’good, pussy is so good squirting like that. I guess all those boys coming in and out of your house taught you how to milk cock, perfectly.” Your eyes widened and then they rolled back into your head at the rolling of his hips hitting the inner thighs repeatedly.
As soon as he did one more snap of his hips, the bed frame broke underneath you two causing a loud noise to erupt from how hard it hit the floor. The poles attached to his bed fell in the opposite direction of you two. If someone were to walk in right now, they’ll see that it looks like a tornado hit his room with how broken the bed was. Yet that still didn’t stop him. He now had a great angle as he pounded your tired, wet cunt over and over with one knee propped up, so you were now fucking rapidly and properly. He felt your velvet walls sucking him in with your liquid coming out at the same time. You were perfect for his cock. Nanami’s cock was big, way too big for your pussy. He loved your pussy so much. He was too drunk on your pussy to understand that his bed broke.
“ My fucking slut, such an devilish little temptation you are, gonna breed this tight little pussy. Nghh! Hopefully that’ll get you to stop having these parties and fucking with those boy toys of yours…. Settle down and grow round and big with our child, how does that sound? Hmm.”, Nanami moaned as you were now creaming on his cock from how overstimulated you were.
Your brain was fogged and your words were slurred with drool hangin out your mouth as you answered him, well tried. Luckily he understood every word you said. “ Yesh—yess, I wan’ your babies. Ahnnn. Want to be full and bloated with your children, mmm mr. Nanami”
Nanami smirked in victory because now there were no more parties, boys, or loud music. Gotta love corrupting and breaking his pretty little neighbor.
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ෆ ̟ ̇ ┈•゚ Tagging: @chosoist @simpingfor-wakasa @honeybleed and anyone else who wants to be tagged
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゚•┈© all right reserved to salaciousdoll, she does not give permission to steal, plagiarize, and translate.
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neverendingford · 9 months
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#why the fuck did I ever start tagging text posts#I made the choice somewhere that I reblogged solely visual art and then started reblogging other things and felt the need to categorize them#just in case someone was as weird about it as I was. but none of you are. at least not the I can tell.#I've been curating in hopes of finding someone similar to me. a stupid wish and a hopeless cause#I went to sleep at 1am and woke up at 4am and I want to get run over by a steamroller everything hurts and I hate it#why the fuck did I start tagging tag rambles either. deal with it#idk. I've been a lot more annoyed and straight up mad. I've been blocking old mutuals who try and talk to me too much#we aren't friends we aren't friends we aren't friends we aren't friends I am just some fucked up creature you watch at the zoo#if we were friends we would talk if we were friends I would know who you were if we were friends I would block you at 2am in a fit of anger#this isn't implying I'm friends with any mutuals on here. I'm friends with some followers but tumblr is not the place I make friends#tumblr is the place I watch people and wish I could put a metal spike through their head.#tumblr is the place where I watch people and wish I could put a metal spike through my own head#I get bored too quickly. I don't allow myself to get bored quickly enough. I am too angry but I don't allow myself to be angry enough#I had a million dreams but none of them were good. a million dreams and all of them cold and shivering#I slept on the floor last night because the bed is too painful. I almost slept outside on the property's stone wall#brick under my head and stars over my eyes.#I think I've talked about how sleeping fucking sucks when going to bed is just intense fear time.#hands under the covers. eyes over the railing. soft footsteps on the carpet. raged breaths through my nostrils.#I should clear out a space under my bed again for curling up and sleeping there when things get like this#remember kids. you're never too old to hide under your bed in fear from the brain monsters#I say that as if 25 is old. idk. for people like us it is old. anything past high school is old. anything past college is ancient.#and anything past thirty is just overstaying the welcome inside your own mind. get your plans together already.#idkkkkk. it's just moving stress is just moving stress is just moving stress it's just#I keep reminding myself but knowing why I feel this way doesn't stop me from feeling this way.#it just makes me frustrated that I can't fix it already. I made a phone call but they never called me back so I have to call AGAIN now#ughhhh everything is hard and I know I'm not a failure but growing up being taught that people like me are failures.... guess how that ended
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tired-momfriend · 1 year
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Lol I said something that I thought was right (but apparently isn't) and my friend corrected me in a rude way in front of a bunch of people who I'd just met, subsequently making me look stupid when I was just misinformed
I'm gonna sell everything I own and flee the country 👋👋
#it was about the effectiveness of blue blocker glasses#for context ive had blue blocker glasses since i started college because ever since i started being on the compjter 24/7 my eyesight TANKED#so my eyedoctor recommended blue blocker lenses#this was a couple of years ago like 2019#i remember doing research about it and a bunch of sources were like they help theyre good#so i tried them and i didnt hate them so i kept them#and it made some colors of the world a little easier on my eyes so i assumed they worked (bright lights trigger migraines for me)#but apparently recently theres a bunch of research about theyre ineffectiveness which flew over my head#so when me and someone id just met were talking about glasses i just said i have blueblockers and that there was research supporting them#and he swooped up and called me stupid without calling me stupid if that makes sense#it was kind of demeaning how hed said it#like 'anyone else id look down on and judge them for believing that crap but since its you ill just assume you didnt research :)'#like dude come on#were adults about this you dont have to treat me like a stupid kid just because i didnt know something#idk im still thinking about it and im still embarrassed about how it went down#and like 5 seconds later i was on my phone and he was like 'ugh i cant believe youre looking it up right now' when i wasnt#idk it just made me feel down and lower than everyone#im already struggling with not feeling good enough or smart enough and like im falling so far behind everyone else around me#some people already look down on me for everything#this was just another cherry on top of the stupid sundae#so many people in my life call me stupid to my face and blatantly look down on me#whether it be my choices or my inability to pick up on social cues or jokes or something#not even to get into how i look and how im treated in that regard#it just kinda hurts cause hes a friend and hes never looked down on me or tried to embarrass me before#i even sacrificed a lot so i could help him keep his stupid club from dying#idk im just really tired lately and im probably way overthinking it but i just dont like how that situation made me feel#im not going to talk to him about it because i know he didnt think twice about it and he probably didnt intend to hurt me or belittle me#it just made me feel like a stupid hick
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#GOD I STARTED THINKING ABOUT THEM AND HOW CRAZY THEY ARE AKDNSKDNKS#i said the whole family is difficult. without exposing mine or their lives let me give you some brief facts 😘#the father is SO SEXIST. has literally said the most cliche 'women are so emotional and thats why they're stupid and men are better'#CRAP ive ever heard. like think about the cliche sexist comments. ofc they're cliche for a reason people actually think those things#but idk??? ig i expect people to be a little more creative with their hatred??? amdnskdnmsn#the mother. is one of those 'oh dont bash gender roles! they work great for my family' but she does not mean#that her family naturally tend to fall into traditional roles and it's great for them and they have their lives figured out#she means. no dont make me uncomfortable by saying women dont have to be slaves to their husbands!!#bc that reminds her that she lives to please her husband!!#and actually. id feel bad for her if it was just that. but she also called my 13yo sister a bully to her face#with no proof. and never apologized#so i dont actually feel that bad!!#the older daughter. is very manipulative. and holier than thou. and does everything to impress other people#and you shohld know that shes better than me and everyone else everyone has to know that#and the whole secret boyfriend thing. i wont explain that whole mess. but she's only dating him bc she wants to date someone#and the younger daughter!!! shes the only one i actually feel bad for#she's got it rough being surrounded by all of them and she's always seemed to have more of a head on her shoulders than any of the others#but. she's getting older now. and starting to become like them. she attacked my sister for no reason.#it was mostly orchestrated by the mom but still. she seems to be changing and being more like them as she gets older#like?????? what is it about me and my family that we run into these kinds of people so often akdhskdnsk#WHY CANT THINGS BE A LITTLE NORMAL SOMETIMES#must i be surrounded by INSANE PEOPLE????? ALL THE TIME?????#anyway ❤
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