#like if you genuinely look at somebody in a wheelchair and think “if i ever ended up like that just kill me” thats NOT ok | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jpegjade · 4 years

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Hang 10! - Spencer

we’ve got a fic ladies and gents! it’s not the most interesting one but it’s a fic in the middle of my crazy life. hopefully i’ll be able to more along the way. i’ve got the next one planned out and i’m gonna start writing it soon.

wheelchair reader x crutches spencer

warnings: idk none really. not much happens. v v v domestic

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It was a normal Saturday for Spencer. Sitting with ice on his leg, the leg where he took a bullet only a few weeks before. He wasn’t allowed to put weight on it just yet and doctor’s orders were to keep it elevated as much as possible.

Spencer was making notes in a book he’s read a thousand times before. He liked to use his free time to read and even make notes on what the obscure quotes could mean, in and out of context.

Out of nowhere, his phone rang. Causing him to lean over to the coffee table to grab it, he saw it was just Morgan. According to the team group chat, everyone was supposed to be at Rossi’s house, christening Rossi’s recently completed pool with burgers and drinks.

“Are you getting ready, pretty boy?” He usually didn’t call Spencer unless it was important. Spencer wondered whether this was actually important.

“For the pool party I didn’t want to go to?” Spencer asked, putting his book on the coffee table.

“Exactly.” Morgan exclaimed. Spencer wondered what he was up to.

“I didn’t want to go for a specific reason. I’m supposed to be resting my leg.” Spencer sighed, looking down at the ice pack resting on his leg.

“Your bae will be there.” Derek said, nonchalantly.

Spencer understood what the endgame was now. It had been everyone’s endgame since the beginning.

“I hate that word. If you want to acknowledge that it’s a word, which I do not. I much prefer another moniker to talk about y/n. I’d love something classic and timeless but fun, like they are.” Spencer blushed, realizing he said more than he should have to Morgan.

“Ah, so pretty boy does have a huge crush on our new teammate. We suspected it but you just admitted it. Emily owes me money.” Derek chuckled.

Grabbing the ice bag off of his leg, Spencer grabbed his crutches and put the ice bag into a bowl he laid out for himself to hold the ice when he was done. He always thought ahead because he hates cleaning up messes.

“What do you want me to do about it? I’d like to maintain a professional relationship with them for as long as possible, thank you. Work relationships with co-workers when you’re working in such close proximity is very difficult to navigate, not to mention the statistics of getting married after meeting and working together is only as high as 31%. 69% of work relationships are more than likely to fail. Who knows what…” Spencer was anxiously moving around his apartment, going off on a tangent.

“Reid. Hey.” Derek cut off Spencer’s train of thought. “Come downstairs. Let’s go.”

Spencer grabbed his cardigan, slipping it on, before he and his crutches made their way to the building elevator.

In the car, Derek was humming along to the radio while Spencer looked out the window. He was glad Derek wasn’t trying to talk to him the whole drive because he needed time to plan what he was going to say to y/n.

To everyone else, this was a simple pool party that was meant to welcome y/n onto the team while simultaneously christening Rossi’s new pool. It wasn’t a big deal because for the past few weeks, y/n had been instrumental in the cases they covered. Everyone was so excited about the new addition to the team, especially Spencer.

To Spencer, this was a nerve racking opportunity to fail in front of y/n. Ever since their first interaction, when y/n corrected Spencer on a statistic about serial killers, Spencer was intrigued. He knew you didn’t have to have a 187 IQ or an eidetic memory to be smart but you were consistently going toe-to-toe with him on every fact, sometimes beating him to the punch. You had yet to interrupt him or even act like his tangents bothered you. In fact, a couple times, you pulled Spencer over to hear the rest of his tangent after everyone left the room.

“Hey kid. You okay? You look like you’re going to be sick.” Derek pulled into Rossi’s driveway with a concerned look on his face.

Spencer’s sickness wasn’t Derek’s concern. His concern was getting the smell out of his carpet once Spencer let out his stomach contents inside the car.

Derek leaned over Spencer, putting his arm towards the door but Spencer thought he was trying to hug him in an attempt to comfort him. This was not the case. So when Spencer wrapped his arm around Derek’s torso while Derek pushed open the door, Spencer was met with a very confused look from Derek.

“I read that wrong.” Spencer said.

“Let’s go, kid.” Derek and Spencer climbed out of the car and walked to the door. There was no need to knock so the boys just let themselves in.

Spencer was immediately drawn to your laughter as he and Derek entered the house. Without realizing it, he started walking with his crutches to the backyard, where he saw you sitting in your wheelchair, talking to Garcia. He paused as he looked at you, taking in how nice you looked in the setting sunlight. You weren’t guarded like you were at work but you weren’t relaxed either. It looked like you were on edge but there was something so calming about you that his nerves seemed to disappear almost completely.

“Boy wonder is on his feet!” Garcia said, noticing Spencer standing in the backyard doorway.

Spencer watched as your smile shrunk before you looked in his direction. He wanted to look away but when he saw your smile grow as you waved at him, his hand waved just slightly. So many thoughts ran through his head about you at once that he couldn’t decipher which thought he wanted to focus on.

Garcia waved him over to you before winking and leaving. Spencer looked at you as you squinted daggers into the back of Garcia’s head.

“I like the embellishments.” Spencer said, looking at your wheelchair.

You tilted your head as you looked at Spencer in confusion before you remembered: Penelope bought you some badass clips for your wheels. They were incredibly small but they were just noticeable. They looked like the clips you would put on your bike in the 70’s. They were neon colored and even though you didn’t normally like that kind of stuff, something about the thought Garcia put into it made it special. You hadn’t had anyone do that for you before.

“Oh, thank you. They weren’t my idea so I can’t take credit but without the wheelchair, there would be no clips so...” You grinned, too shy to look at Spencer.

Everyone had gone inside to get drinks while you and Spencer were silently hanging around each other. Both of you were too afraid to really start a conversation of some sort because neither of you knew where to start.

“Why aren’t you inside with the team?” Spencer asked, sitting in the patio chair next to you.

Propping his crutches against the wall, you took notice of his hands fiddling in his lap. It was like he needed to keep moving when he couldn’t go anywhere. You hadn’t noticed that about him before.

“I’m still getting used to them…” You said, looking at your hands in your own lap.

“Oh… You seem pretty comfortable with the team when we’re on a case.” Spencer said, looking at your hands. His thoughts wandered to how nice they would feel laced in his hands. He would love to hold your hand right about now.

“That’s different. I know how to do that. I know how to interact when I’m forced to in order to save someone’s life.” You grinned, thinking about the last case, when you were able to save a little girl from yet another monster of a person.

“It’s different to find common ground when you’re alone with somebody you don’t know.” Spencer said slowly.

The muffled laughter of the party inside through the back door made you smile. They were having such a good time while you were… Doing nothing next to Spencer? Not that you minded. It was easier to be around one person than it was to be around a group of people all looking at you for your next answer.

“I think I might like it here. It’s better than my old job.” You said, gazing off into the distance.

Spencer noticed that you slouched a little bit after saying that.

“What do you like about it?” Spencer asked, genuinely curious.

It had been a long time since you liked your job. In the beginning, you liked your old job but your boss turned mean, vindictive even, when you started to receive praise from higher ups. In fact, your skills at your old job got you here.

“It’s more than just working with a group of people. I’ve been close to some of the most brilliant minds in the world but none of them have ever felt like this. Nowhere before have I ever felt like I’m in a group of people that like each other enough to hang out when they’re not working. It’s like…” You stopped, trying to find the word.

“A family?” Spencer said, finishing your sentence.

“Yeah… And right now, I feel like the cousin twice removed that doesn’t really know anyone at the family reunion, even if everyone knows me.”

There was another pause as Spencer thought about that connection. He tried to think of something smart to say that would be interesting when his brain acted faster than he could sort out.

“In almost every state, it’s legal to date your second cousin once removed. On estimation, 0.2% of Americans alone are married to their second cousin. For clarification, a second cousin is someone you share a great grandparent with. It’s less about who married who but your relation to them. The current number is unknown as the last time the 0.2% was calculated was between…” Spencer stopped once he saw your face change.

“What?” You asked him.

“You’re smiling. And you haven’t stopped me.” Spencer said, eyebrows furrowing.

“I like listening to you talk about the probability that I’m going to marry my second cousin from this unrelated, metaphorical family.” You smiled wider as his mind started working again.

“Am I the second cousin in this scenario?” Spencer asked, blushing at the thought. He wasn’t going to lie and say he hadn’t caught feelings for you when he started to find out more about how your mind worked.

“Maybe. Only if the plan is to get married.” You said. “But you have to take me on a date first.”

“Okay.” Spencer said, grabbing his crutches.

“Okay, what?” You asked. You were so confused.

“You said I have to take you on a date.” Spencer repositioned himself to stand up with the help of the crutches.

“Are you serious?” You asked, looking up at him.

“Do you want to go on a date?” Spencer asked in a matter-of-fact way.

“Well only if you want to.” You said, sheepishly.

“We should pick a date...Saturday?” Spencer asked.

“Saturday.” You confirmed with a smile. Spencer began crutching inside before turning and looking at you.

“Are you coming, y/n? The family is calling.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine

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beyondstupidityblog · 3 years

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On March 13th 2021, two friends and I did what never could have imagined possible, I watched Freddy Got Fingered for the ninth time, and it will by no means be the last. I’m explaining this to you, dear reader, so you and I have an important understanding between us. You will be reading the ramblings of one whose brain has curdled like milk left out in the hot afternoon sun. Now that introductions are out of the way, let us begin.

Freddy Got Fingered is a 2001 Comedy starring and directed by Tom Green as the Non-Titular Gordon Brody; an aspiring animator who goes to California to realize his dream, only to be constantly crushed under the weight of his father’s expectations. Sounds tame at first, but what lies beneath the veneer of mediocrity is truly impressive. Completely bombed, audiences hated it, and critics loathed it. Roger Ebert got angry, saying “it isn’t even below the bottom of the barrel” and “Green should be flipping burgers somewhere.”. “Tasteless”, “appalling”, “offensive”, “gross”, and “poo poo,” are just some of the things people have had to say about this film. Animal genitalia can be seen on screen for much longer than anyone could have expected, Tom Green swinging a baby akin to a morning-star with its umbilical cord, said umbilical cord being stolen and taped onto his stomach, gratuitous caning of a nymphomaniac paraplegic, and the dissection of a deer carcass. It is an abrasive experience that leaves a terrible taste in the mouths of those who mention it. Nonetheless, I love this movie.

You ever see a contemporary art exhibit that has a piece that just looks like garbage somebody left out but in actuality is a tongue-and-cheek allusion to the pitiful state of modern art? That garbage is Freddy Got Fingered, and that exhibit is Hollywood. At face value it just seems like a poorly done film by a comedian trying to use his name to get a few butts in the seats before his irrelevancy arrives, but when scrutinized as a commentary of comedy films do the pieces start to fall into place. Tropes like the Protagonist being an unremarkable honkey, gross-out designed to get some cheap quick chuckles, side-characters who occupy the space solely for comedic relief, a shoe-horned romantic side-plot, and an equally as shoehorned in happy ending are all present in a mocking fashion. So many of these Hollywood schlockfests that this movie is paying homage to abuse tropes in some vain attempt to trick the audience into thinking they’re having a good time, when in reality it just reminds viewers of films that they’ve already watched before and could be enjoying instead. All of the awkward and uncomfortable scenes of gross-out and romance are purposeful, because nothing is quite as awkward and uncomfortable than a film disengaging the audience with its own mediocrity. “This is what it’s like to endure this trash!” Drunkenly screams Freddy Got Fingered atop the tallest piece of furniture in the room, while also exposing its genitals to keep you from getting too comfortable around it. Unlike the films it is parodying, its obsession with making a fool out of audiences rips them away from the comfort of the cinema, making them genuinely ask if it is worth wasting their time watching a film called Freddy Got Fingered. Even the title is an intentional slight, as it seems to be completely untethered to the actual plotline and is instead a reference to a seemingly inconsequential scene. But then again, that is the point of it all. Tom Green is an artist, and on his canvas is a portrait of Hollywood with all of the ugly little imperfections that cause a movie like this to be created. But this is just the meta-narrative of Freddy Got Fingered, something that you could find all over the internet. Why do I resonate with it so much, and what about it makes it so exceptional that led to this unhealthy fascination?

Every instance that I’ve rewatched Freddy Got Fingered has always brought about a new side to it, and in the process leaves me craving for more. Gord is an interesting take on the average leading man. He is on the surface bland and inoffensive, made so in order to allow the majority of the audience to immediately identify with him, said group being 20-something skater guys with unrealistic expectations of themselves. Made especially ironic when after the introduction of Gord as an adept skateboarding rebel escaping from authority, he starts to show that in reality he is an unlikeable, bratty, entitled, and all around unpleasant person. Barely a scene passes before we see him masturbate a horse while exclaiming he is a farmer to his father who is not present, seemingly a crude gag but is in reality an insight into his low self worth caused by his imposter syndrome stemming from distant paternal relationship. I would like to remind you, dear reader, that I am still writing of Freddy Got Fingered, in case you were beginning to think I have lost my mind (The answer is yes by the way). All throughout the film Gordon Brody puts on masks for different situations, never allowing himself to be who he is. When infiltrating the Animation studio where he wishes to pitch his cartoons, he pretends to be a mailman to get past reception and then impersonates a police officer when the former stops being effective. Donning the visage of a British Bobby, he dashes into the restaurant where the man he is searching for, Mr. Wallace, is eating. Showing him his cartoons, Wallace is impressed with the potential they have, but says that they are incoherent and lack real substance. Upon rejection, Gord puts a pistol in his mouth before Wallace stops him and advises what he should do to improve. Gord was genuinely ready to blow his brains out the back of his skull if he wasn’t able to get his show greenlit, and it hit me in that moment that he isn’t just some random jackass, but a victim of detrimentally low self-esteem.

The origins of his complex are made apparent when he goes back home to Oregon and are reintroduced to his Family. We see that his father Jim, played by Rip Torn, is disappointed in his return and begins to sneer at him for his failure. This father and son dynamic always has tension in every scene from this point onwards. Gord, who just wants to be accepted for who he is and not judged by what the world expects him to be, is always at the receiving end of Jim’s wrath, who values his idea of a successful life over the happiness of his sons. From here it becomes little wonder why Gord is the way he is, all his life he was told that who he was is not good enough, he has to be what his father wants if he is to be considered worthy of not only love, but being treated with a modicum of dignity. Whenever Gord acts eccentric or divulges his interests to his father, they are met with either resentment supplemented by verbal assault, or physical violence. After a late-night skateboard outing to escape from his father’s wrath goes awry, he visits his convalescing friend in the hospital, whereupon he meets one of the more interesting characters in relation to Gord, the love interest Betty.

A horny wheelchair bound temptress may not seem like it upon first glance, but Betty is actually the most interesting character out of the entire cast. She feels genuine, introduced as a bored receptionist flipping a coffee creamer idly. Gord immediately strikes up a conversation, whereupon he and the audience find out she has an interest in physics, and apparently an interest in him as well. Betty is strangely well written for what most considered at the time to be a crass sexual joke, so much so that she would actually be a better protagonist than him. She is everything Gord is not, she’s smart, funny, ambitious, and kind to a fault. Even her side plot to create a rocket powered wheelchair makes for a much more unique plot than the one given. Even Gord reciprocates this sentiment in their meeting, lying that he is a stockbroker in an attempt to impress her. In fact, sectioning her off as just the dull protagonist's love interest is a jab at how women in these movies are only there to serve in the development for the male protagonist, just nothing more than their muse. Nonetheless, without this relationship the movie would lose a lot of its soul. Romantic chemistry in comedy films is always hit or miss, but Gord and Betty do seem to have it surprisingly. They’re both silly and impulsive, creatively driven to a fault, but just different enough to eek out the best and worst in them. Gord thinks that what he wants to do with his life is wasteful, but Betty doesn’t. Now I don’t mean that she directly affirms that he is worthwhile like most poorly written love interests would, stroking their lover’s(and by extension the director’s) ego, rather she confronts him with her optimism. He asks if she would feel stupid and like a loser if her experiment failed. Taken aback at first, she questions why she would, relaying that her failures are just as important as her successes. Gord’s self-worth is directly tied to his ability to succeed, whereas Betty doesn’t need this affirmation. Their dialogue further cements how detrimental his father’s overbearingness was to his outlook, and how he is slowly beginning to realize how destructive that mindset is.

At their dinner date, Jim sees Gord and Betty across the restaurant, then reveals that Gord was lying to both him and her about his office job while poking fun at her disability, leading to a father-son scuffle that throws the entire floor into utter chaos. Cops show up, Gord and Jim are detained, and Betty bails Gord out. Most mediocre comedies at this point would have the love interest be upset that her significant other lied to her, leading to him having to make things right to repair their relationship before the happy ending. Breaking the mold, Betty does not get angry with Gord even a smidgen, choosing to be understanding of his situation now that she caught a glimpse into his home-life. She just plain likes Gord, willing to put up with him more than she really should, but still chooses to look past his lies and self-destructive nature for who he truly is, someone who just wants to be accepted by the world around him. Someone just like her.

Right after that enaction of social terrorism performed by the Brody father and son duo, they decide it would be best to go to family therapy and assail the audience with what I fondly refer to it as, “The Scene.” “The Scene” is Freddy Got Fingered’s statement to the world, it is what instills a man with the impetus to rewatch a glorified stoner daydream for the ninth time and leave him wanting more! Gord accuses his father, in a final act of defiance, of molesting his younger brother Freddy. During the ensuing confusion Gord picks up a bust of Sigmund Freud and throws it into the glass window pane, allowing him to escape into the evening sun. The authorities take Freddy away and send him to The Home for Molested Children, and the family slowly unravels from then on. Besides the heavy handed metaphor of Freud’s theories being used as a way for Gord to escape his predicament while simultaneously discrediting them, “The Scene” also recontextualizes Freddy, innocuous of a character as he is, as Gord’s foil. He is in the movie very little but when he is it is to serve one of two purposes: To be compared to Gord, or to be treated as an object. During breakfast much earlier in the film after a fight between Gord and Jim, Freddy tries to explain to his brother that he should grow up. Gord, surprisingly, talks down to him and halts the conversation.

Gord: “He's driving me insane.”

Freddy: “No. No, you're driving him insane. You're older than me and you still live at home. I have a job, you know. I pay my own way.”

Gord: “You work in a bank. Should I be dazzled?”

Freddy: “Well, at least I don't live at home!”

Gord: “No, you live in a tiny shithole and you come here to eat for free.”

With these lines it is plain to see that despite Freddy’s idea of success directly lining up with his father’s, he is even more pitiful than Gord. What little we know of him is to show that his acquiescence to his father’s expectations has left him bereft of not only genuine personal success, but of dignity itself. When child protective services come to take him away, he is half naked, mouth agape, watching open heart surgery on television, a palpable indication of emptiness. He isn’t treated as an adult either, as his protests to the police fall on deaf ears as both them and the psychologist infantilize him. Why would Tom Green name this movie after a character like Freddy, whose lack of presence and characterization make him little more than an afterthought when looking back on the story? Or did I just answer my own question? Freddy is not a character because he is not allowed to be one, he is just too passive and accepting of his circumstances for him to stand out. All he can be is a doll that Jim uses to dress up as the perfect son, and this passiveness leads to Gord, the “failure,” to both pity and resent what he let himself become. That’s why Gord accuses their father of molesting him, after all he does narratively violate Freddy’s autonomy by consistently making decisions for him. Evidently enough, as soon as Gord dons a suit for a quick bit Jim is elated because he believes that his son finally gave in to his demands for him to get a job, because he is acting more like his obedient brother. In this sense Freddy is the most tragic member of the Brody clan, a literal manchild whose growth was stunted by overbearing guardians. When I think of him, a bonsai tree comes to mind. Sure, it looks healthy, but when you realize that it could have grown into a much bigger plant if it were not for its small pot, that realization of wasted potential comes with a tinge of melancholy.

I want to end this essay with a moral that I took away from Freddy Got Fingered, as strange enough as that sounds, and what it has to say about art as a whole. Put simply, this is a story about revenge. Despite and because of his Father’s harsh ways, Gord managed to take from the trauma he sustained throughout his life and sublimated it into his animation. Creation not only lets him heal, but also acts as retaliation against Jim once he becomes successful. So long as you have the drive to prove everyone’s doubts and admonishments wrong by persevering out of wicked spite, you will have the last laugh. Freddy Got Fingered is a story about revenge through artistic expression, and I think that is quite beautiful.

#freddy got fingered #tom green #movies #essay paper #comedy

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #461

“this city looks so pretty, do you wanna burn it with me?”

Have you ever wanted a Nikon camera? Or do you have one already? My camera before the one I have now was a Nikon D3200. I use a Canon now. Who was the last person (if anyone) you said Happy Birthday to? A friend. Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? I have it, but I barely use it nowadays. I use it to edit photos for character profiles or profile pictures, add a watermark for my actual photography, and I used to make Mark-oriented gifs like crazy. They mostly did really well, so... I might wanna get back into that and get That Sweet Validation. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? No. Have any of your exes gotten married or had kids since your breakup? None, I think. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression. Can you tolerate children for a long period of time? NO. Have you ever lived with someone you felt thoroughly uncomfortable around? No. Are you into dubstep? Yeah, I tend to enjoy it. Zelda or The Sims games? Can I pick neither? lol I don't feel very much at all for The Sims, and Zelda games have always looked... boring to me? Like I've watched most of the Game Grumps' playthroughs of all the games, and they make it hilarious of course, but the games themselves? Nah. Are you terrible at assigning bands their proper genre? YES YES YES YES YES YES. Even in my preferred category, that being metal, FUCK if I know the sub-genre. Have you ever made out in a closet? No, that shit sounds claustrophobic as hell. Have you ever been to a laser tag place? Yeah, on a triple-date once! It was SO fun. How do you wanna celebrate your next birthday? Have a couple friends over, pig out at The Cheesecake Factory. o3o Do you tease your parents about them being old? No, especially not Mom. She's self-conscious about getting older. Are you in love with someone? "In love" is a bit too far, buddy. But I love someone. Have you ever ridden a unicycle? No. Have you ever wanted a pet bunny? I was VERY serious about getting a lop-eared bunny for quite a while, but we just couldn't afford to adopt one (even off Craigslist) and get a cage for it, toys, etc. Are the bottom of your feet clean? I HATE seeing the bottom of my feet. Not because they're dirty, but because it's Callus City. I ain't even fuckin jokin'. Do you like really salty food? Yeah. :x When’s the last time you bled a lot? Well, I just recently finished my cycle after not menstruating for three or four MONTHS, so you can figure that one out. Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin? Yeah. I like to know exactly when it's coming. Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yes to both. When you’re done eating finger foods, do you usually lick your fingers? Usually kasdjlf;kalsdjf shut up ok I like food. What’s the most racist thing you have ever said? As a little kid, when my really good friend (a neighborhood kid, even) asked if he thought we'd be a good couple, I told him no because "blacks and whites don't date" or something like that. It was an idea I'd never been exposed to before; the idea was so foreign to little kid me. I had no idea I was being racist. It ended in a small fight and we didn't talk for a few days 'til he came to my house telling Mom that he had to "be a man" and fix this and if that ain't the cUTEST SHIT RIGHT THERE. We were friends again after that. He's still on my Facebook, and he actually semi-recently got married! :') Do you know someone that is mute, deaf or blind? No. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Does weed smell good? Or no? Ugh, no. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? Successful and happy she kept pushing. Mama to so many reptiles that are blessed with the best lives possible in human care. Got at least one amazing book out there. If she's reading this, you've fucking got this. <3 Would you like to have twins? Mother of fucking god, no. Even if I WANTED kids, do fucking not give me twins. Who was the last person you got into an argument with? My mom. Want to have kids before you’re 30? Once again, I don't want kids, but IF I did, that'd be preferable before the risk of birth defects and other issues climb with age. Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? My older sister has my initial. Do you think somebody’s in love with you? No. Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in ten years? Yes, I genuinely do. Who were the last people to hang out at your house? Miss Tobey, our friend and landlord. Does anyone like you? Welp... I hope he still does. Guess we'll figure that out soon. What person on your Facebook do you talk to the most? VIA Facebook? Probably my friend Lyndsey. She likes to comment on stuff I share. Do you want to fall in love? I do, but I'm also utterly horrified to and risk being hurt again. Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? No. Once I realized I was so deeply into Girt, all other romantic feelings kinda just... poofed. How was your last break up? Civil and done with both of our best interests in mind. What is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to say? Probably the first time I admitted I needed to go to the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I was so, so scared of what it was going to be like. What is the hardest thing you NEEDED to hear? That if Jason wasn't happy with me, he had every right to move on. She was right. Do you treat yourself well? No... but I'm trying to change that. What was the last song you sang out loud to? This "Set Fire to the Rain" cover. Do you take good pictures? I think I do? Have you ever done any internship? No. What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? Holy shit, so much, especially when it comes to morality and political stances. I am now a massive supporter and member of the LGBTQ+ community, I'm pro-trans rights, pro-choice... I've done like a dozen 180s in a lot of topics. Do you know anyone who has a PhD? I mean, some doctors, but no one in my truly personal life. Do you know anyone who works as a lawyer? Yes: my cousin. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? LAKSDJFKLA;JWD NEVER AND I PRAY TO THE HOLY LORD THAT I NEVER DO. Does the thought of having wrinkles when you’re older upset you? Not massively? Like literally everyone gets them and is natural and inevitable. Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? I know one alcoholic, and one that's probably borderline. I also have two friends who are extremely addicted to weed. Look me in the eyes and say it's not an addictive substance and I wouldn't believe you one bit. Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? Eh, sometimes World of Warcraft. Some days I'm really into it, and others I barely touch it. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have no clue. I don't even remember movies that were made *for* Disney exclusively. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. We have a friend from the dance studio mow the lawn. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? My iPod has a whole live album of Ozzy. Did you or do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Both did and do. Britney is a boss bitch. Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? Male. Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? No, but I've seen some of that P!nk music video of the song and it brings out the Gay in me. Do you have a key to anything besides your house? No. Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? I've done that before. I miss doing puzzles... Have you ever been to any sort of convention? I went to a reptile expo with Sara!! I REALLY want to go to another when my legs are stronger and can handle standing and walking so much. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom. Have you ever tried to walk on a moving vehicle and fallen over? No????? What is your favourite kind of bread? Is there any of that in your house? Pumpernickel. No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I played the flute all through middle school and I wanna say half of HS. Have you ever ordered an unusual drink at a bar? Never even been to one. Have you ever been pulled aside by security at the airport? I think once for some reason I don't recall? What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times) Gingerbread men, probs. Or chocolate bunnies!!! :') How do you feel right now? My stomach is KILLING me. I'm super excited though that Girt is coming over tomorrow. Have you ever had surgery that kept you in the hospital for over a day? No. What would you like your generation to change? How we treat nature. Is there anyone that you truly could not live without? No. I learned that is a very unhealthy mentality to have. Do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? I just hate carrots. What restaurant did you last go out to dinner at with friends? With friends? I couldn't even guess. Does your refrigerator have an ice maker or do you use ice cube trays? It has an ice maker. Do you have a favorite sibling, if any? No; I love them all. Do you have a favorite brand of clothing? I STAN CLOAK. How’s the love life? Something new might start tomorrow. I think it will. Do you watch the news? No; that shit is depressing. Who do you admire most? Mark. Do you have a favorite album? Black Rain by Ozzy Osbourne takes the cake and always will.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''city'' by hollywood undead

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neurodecadence · 3 years

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Sorry in advance bc I don't think I've subjected you to this before but Do The Prime Numbers

the only apology I need is for making me remember maths

2 (cause one doesn't count as a prime, right? I never got why though) "what's your favorite horror subgenre?" I love found footage. I know it's cliched and dumb, all that jazz, but I love the whole cinema verite (to sound pretentious) vibes of the whole thing. I know it's fake, I know the undead didn't kill a whole town in southern texas, I know a monster didn't destroy new york, I know there's not an asylum in toronto haunted by the ghosts of patients subjected to satanic abuse (actually considering the history of asylums, you never know on that one) but it FEELS real, like I'm seeing something I'm not supposed to. The low budget only amplifies the joy for me.

3 "you're planning a horror movie marathon with your friends - which movies are you picking?" Grave Encounters (love the genius locii/house of leaves stuff going on there), Halloween (classic), Southbound (great anthology horror, highly recommend), and capping it off with Evidence, so we can all go to bed going "what the FUCK did you just put in front of me"

4 "you can go back in time and watch a horror movie of your choice on its premiere - which movie are you going to see?" Alien, the first one. I'd kill to be there for the chestburster scene for the FIRST TIME EVER, it's not even a question

5 "if you were a character in a horror movie, what kind of movie would it be? what kind of character would you be? what would be your fate?" It's a found footage, and I'm the camera holder's best pal and genre savvy, funny sidekick. I make it through most of the movie, my jokes breaking the tension (even if I do get yelled at in an important character building scene for making light of the situation, where I break down and explain it's cause I'm frightened too). Late in the film it's just me, the camera holder, and their love interest, a chance to escape appears, but the threat is just behind us; someone is going to have to make a final stand to let the others go. The main character say's they'll do it, but I stop them and tell them I won't let them, they need to get out of here. My final lines are "You know me, this is always how I've wanted to go out, keeping my best friend safe and looking like a total badass" As they flee the camera is turned back, showing flashes of light, banging, and me yelling cliches and one liners at the monsters I beat back, until a strangled cry, and then nothing.

7 "answer for real life vs if you were a slasher movie character: a murder has occurred. somebody you knew, though only in passing, got knifed by some psycho killer and the whole town is in shock. the school fool has taken it upon themselves to throw a party in the midst of all of this, "to celebrate life", as they say. - you get an invitation but are you going to the party?"

Fuuuuuuck no, and not just cause I'm not a party kind of gal in the first place (well, maybe a chill drinks and background music kinda shindig). I'm also encouraging people I know to not go, cause it's genuinely pretty disrespectful, might invite some friends so we can share any memories we have and share a quiet evening. In real life, that's about where it ends, probably. In a slasher, we probably get knifed BEFORE the big party, one of us makes it out, runs to the party covered in blood yelling about the killer, causing a panic that only makes things worse when the stabbing starts. You just can't win when you got a Jason type bastard on the loose, can you?

11 "answer for real life vs if you were a slasher movie character: you escaped the killer but your friends are still stuck on their hunting ground, hiding and running for their lives. do you go back for them?"

Hell yeah I do! I'm running that cunt down with my car (which would probably be a prius everyone else made fun of earlier, making it more dramatically and comedically satisfying). IRL, the killer is now pavement jam. In a film, we might have a problem.

13 "you're offered the chance to privately talk to a horror villain of your choice, currently kept secure in a government facility. your safety during the encounter is guaranteed. do you take the offer? and if you do, who do you pick? why?"

No, I can't think of any that could tell me anything I'm, like, desperate to know. Anything worth that effort. Maybe Pinhead, to ask about the cosmology of the world, but he'd probably say some shit that made me go mad and, like, die horribly. Also I don't think I'm smart enough to "get" it.

17 "would you rather have chucky try and transfer his soul into your body or have the sawyer family try and put you on their dinner table?"

Sawyers. You never win VS that bastard doll, but leatherface is still human. Barely, but still.

19 "the asker gets to make up a would-you-rather question of their own."

Apparently the question was "do you wanna see if you can remember the primes, or ignore it and not risk embarrassing yourself" The answer is that I have very little pride or shame left, and I like answering questions too much to ignore it c:

23 "what are some things that give you the total creeps? places, items, even certain times that you try to avoid whenever possible?"

So, okay, it's well known that I'm a brainweird bitch (read: legitimately mentally ill, but trying to be cool about it), but also sometimes I just... See shit. I know logically it's probably visual hallucinations, or memory problems, pareidolia, or a sensible explanation for deja vu. BUT There is SOME shit I have seen that I can't ignore. Houses that don't make sense no matter how I look at them, the moonwatcher, catghosts, and that one thing I will not talk about because I just know in the back of my skull that it doesn't like being noticed. A lot of these are benevolent, or just not paying attention (the catghosts in particular are very chill, if a little bothersome some days), but there are some I will go out of my way to avoid or ignore. Maybe I'm being silly, hell, almost definitely, but I don't care. I don't want to poke at things I don't understand, only to find out it was a sleeping bear.

29 "29. are you dressing up this halloween?"

Shit I don't know if I'll get the chance. If I do.... Oh! I got it! I'm gonna go as my own corpse, being wheeled around in my wheelchair by my pal dressed as an evil spooky nurse! Grim, spooky, kinda funny when I stop playing dead and perk up to go "The punch is fantastic, by the way!", AND I get to have gruesome blood and injuries all over- it's perfect!

31 "make a list: halloween preparation shopping list."

Halloween ain't such a big thing down here in Aotearoa, sadly. I like to make a deal of it, but no one else does. Still, candy for handing out, a mix of some cheap bulk mix kids can get a handful of, and some nicer mini candy bars I can hand out one at a time. Costume supplies, fake cobwebs, and some other lil decorations. I'd love to own a house and go all out for it one year, but for now I can be content with the lil paper skeleton I have hanging in my room.

37 "it's halloween! the clock strikes midnight and at the edge of town, a witch is trying to summon you. what items will she need for the spell to work?"

I mean it's halloween, and it's a witch, so she's already mostly done. Aside from that... A plastic skull, A dvd copy of a crappy horror film, a 2 liter of sugar free coke, a crystal bell, and a chunk of rose quartz. AND a smooch- no way am I passing up that chance!

Thank you for all these questions, I had an absolute blast answering these!

#Asks #holy shit this was fun thank you so much

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choices-love-affair · 4 years

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Pedestal ch.3

It had been a week since Donahues. A week since they seemed to finally repair some bridges. A week since things between them started to feel… normal again. A week since Ethan had decided to finally do something about the way he felt towards Lorelei before somebody else did. Namely, Bryce. Though Ethan would never admit to the insane amount of jealousy he felt for the younger man, his actions often spoke louder than anything he could ever say.

“So, Donahues tonight? Two-for-one, you know you wanna!” Ethan overheard Bryce’s suggestive ulterior motives dripping in his tone, he subtly shook his head and sighed under his breath, pretending to read through some patient files while leaning against the nurses station, his back to the pair, his ears still pricked up in an attempt to hear her reply.

“Maybe” she offered. She didn’t sound too convinced or even interested for that matter, Ethan smiled before attempting to hide it with his hand, feigning interest in his work.

“Dr Lahela, don’t you have better things to be doing than distracting my resident” Ethan spoke suddenly, startling the pair.

“Sorry, Doc. Ramsey.” Bryce held his hands up apologetically while walking backwards away from Lorelei “see you there?”

“Maybe” she replied again, shrugging her shoulders and waving at him, Bryce returning the gesture with a wink and hair flick before turning and around and making his way to the elevators.

Lorelei joined Ethan at the nurses station, leaning over his notes, their arms rubbing as she reached for a file in her own collection tray, a small smirk creeping up on her face “your resident?” she asked.

“you know what I mean.” He replied, voice monotonal.

“Mmmm…no… no I don’t think I do” she giggled, turning her back to lean on the station, resting on her elbows, facing Ethan “explain it to me like I’m five” she teased.

Ethan removed his glasses and looked up at her, unable to hide his own smirk at her teasing expression, before clearing his throat “two-for one tonight with Bryce hey? Well, don’t get too inebriated please, we have that new case arriving first thing tomorrow. Last thing you want is to leave a bad first impression” He replied, the jealousy saturated in his voice made her giggle, Ethan glanced up at her, face coloured with humoured irritation.

“Ethan” Lorelei mocked him before she looked around to make sure they were alone “you’re doing that thing again” she continued, voice changing to one full of empathy.

“Doing what? I’m not doing anything.” He recoiled, also looking around the area

“Your jealousy is the single most adorable thing I’ve ever bared witness to” she teased, nudging his arm playfully “look, if you want me to go with you so badly then just ask” she shrugged as though it was no big deal “I respect that you’re trying to protect us and the team and our jobs but… we can still do things, can’t we? Do things as colleagues, friends even? We are friends, aren’t we?!” her brows furrowed as she searched his face for reassurance.

“Of course, we’re friends!” he replied “you’re one of my very few, actually” he continued, a little embarrassed at his admission “look, I’ll be honest. I don’t want JUST friends with you, Lorelei Stannaway, and you know that. We just have to be careful… aaand I can’t believe I am having this conversation here, of all places” he looked around bewildered “this is how it starts” he shook his head laughing, glancing back up her, head cocked to the side

“I know, I know! I understand what you’re trying to say, truly, I do. But if there’s any chance of something more I’m willing to make it work, if you are…” she gazed back at him with eyes full of hope, so infectious it made his whole body flush with heat.

“What are you doing to me…” he shook his head, laughing breathlessly

“…ask me out” she whispered, barely audible.

“Okay… okay.” He reasoned with himself out loud “may…maybe I will” he glanced at her nervously. The silence was deafening, continuing for what felt a millennia.

“You know, for a man as prestigious, confident and handsome as yourself, you’re acting very much like a rusty bucket right about now?”

Ethan balked at her remark “Christ, Lorelei!” She held her hands up, silently apologising, the faintest of smirks on her face as she continued to watch him apprehensively, waiting for his next move.

“Look” he turned to face her, glancing over his shoulder again, making sure they were alone “I know things haven’t always been easy for us, and the past year leading up to where we are now has been tumultuous at best, and I know that I have hurt you more times than I count” he captured her face with his eyes, entrancing her with his pure authenticity “for that, I will never forgive myself. I know this won’t be how you want it, how you imagined it, you know we can’t be public. But if you’re willing to be patient with us, I’ll do everything in my power to make it work. I would still really like to do this as traditionally as we can… if you’ll have me that is?” Lorelei watching on with bated breath, trying to hide the fact her heart was now in her throat. All she could do was nod.

“are you doing anything tonight?” he finally asked, his voice smooth and warm, his face the kindest and sincerest she had ever since baby Ethan was born.

Once again, she was speechless, all she could do was shake her head in response.

“Okay…” he chuckled as he noticed he would not be receiving a spoken response “would you like to come to Donahues for two-for-one tonight?” he asked again, searching her eyes for the answer he truly wanted, praying she says yes. It was just enough time for Lorelei to gather her thoughts and land back on earth, her response filled with her usual quick wit and cheeky self. She grinned, biting her bottom lip as she pushed herself off the nurses station, taking one more fleeting look down the hallway before planting a small kiss on the side of his mouth “I’ll see you there at 8, Dr Ramsey” she spoke seductively, before running her hand over his arm as she bounced away out of sight.

***

Lorelei finished at Edenbrook at 6pm and was home in her shower by 6.23pm – she was not wasting time. Sienna was in her bedroom sorting their clothes into yes and no piles, the same with shoes.

“Sienna, you can’t tell ANYONE” Lorelei insisted as she tried on different outfits that Sienna had chosen.

“Oh my god!!! Do not insult me, I have never said ANYTHING!” she emphasised on the word with a strong head nod “you don’t have to worry about a thing okay, I’m just so glad you told me!” she squealed as Lorelei tried on another outfit “that’s it!” cried Sienna

“this?”

“Yep that! Okay, those shoes! Come on, we have to be there before he is, give us the advantage!”

“Sienna, it’s just drinks”

“Uh-huh… for now” Sienna teased, wiggling her eyebrows and nudging Lorelei playfully. Lorelei shook her head and rolled her eyes as she picked out her diamond earrings she received for her 21st birthday from the jewellery box, applied a quick layer of makeup and slipped on her simple black heels that went with her washed out blue denim jeans and tight black sequined shirt that clung to body and finished on her midriff.

“You look… omg so goooood!” Sienna squealed again “he is not going to be able to resist”

“Well he has to! Nobody can know, remember?” she paused “…Sienna, I don’t even know how this is going to work, I’m so nervous I could spew” Lorelei sighed with exasperation as she sat on the edge of her bed. Sienna sat next to her and grabbed her hand “You’ll figure it out. If you both want it enough, you will” she said as she squeezed her hand softly “Now come on! Let’s go!”

***

“White or blue, Jenner?” Ethan asked his dog genuinely as he held up two shirts to choose from as she lounged lazily on his bed “good choice” he continued, removing the crisp white button up shirt from its hanger and pulling it on, leaving the top two buttons undone and rolling up the sleeves, attempting to achieve a more casual look. He finished doing up his shoes before standing and checking himself in the mirror

“What do you reckon?” he asked, looking at Jenner through the mirror, when obviously no response came, he nodded his head once “be good” he ruffled her ears as he grabbed his wallet and waltzed out the door with his heart in his throat.

***

Lorelei and Sienna arrived at Donahues first, the rest of their friends planning on meeting them there once they finally got off work. They were busily trying to distract themselves when the front door to the bar suddenly opened, Lorelei lurched, heart pounding as she watched expectantly … as Elijah, Bryce and Jackie poured in, still in their work clothes and looking beat.

“How do you both look so damn hot when our shifts finished at the same time?!” retorted Jackie, slumping into the both, laying her head in Sienna’s lap. Bryce gestured lazily for Lorelei to move over as he shimmied into the booth with a loud huff.

“Who have you dressed up for anyway, Lorelei?” asked Elijah, before his wheelchair shunted backwards suddenly, emitting a yelp of shock from him as he threw a daggered stare at Sienna “I mean, whatever, you look like your usual self then…” he shrugged.

Before she could open her mouth to reply, she was cut off by her phone ringing with her mums designated tone. She hurriedly pushed Bryce out of the booth so she could take the call outside. “Mum?” she spoke, sliding out of the booth as she mouthed ‘I’ll be back’ to her friends, making her way out the front door and into the cool Boston night.

As Lorelei paced the concrete out the front of the bar, speaking to her mum, she saw Ethan’s car pull into the driveway and park in the carpark. Getting out and locking the doors, he made his way to the front of the bar when he stopped suddenly in his tracks when he noticed Lorelei standing there. A huge infectious smile erupted over his face that spread right up to his eyes. He drunk her in amorously, tracing his eyes over every curve that her clothes clung to, stopping briefly as he reached the drooped v line of her top, before his eyes flicked back to her face, his smile never faltering.

“Mum, I’ve got to go, alright. I’ll ummm, I’ll call you tomorrow yeah? Yeah, I’m fine, nope all good Mum, yep, yep okay, yep. Bye” she spoke until she was breathless, desperate to end the phonecall as Ethan slowly approached her.

“Fancy seeing you here” she chirped, drinking in his strong frame that was emphasised by the crisp white shirt he was wearing.

“yeah… I’m actually going on a date, maybe you know her?” he replied cheekily, quickly closing the space between them, looping an arm around her waist and placing a small, soft kiss on her lips “you look absolutely stunning” he whispered as he pulled back to look at her again before stepping away all together just as quickly due the sound of the door to the bar opening, as three people that they didn’t know stumbled out, laughing and walking away down the footpath.

Ethan let out a relieved sigh as turned back to Lorelei “This is going to be harder than I imagined” he grimaced

“And who are you, to ever turn down a challenge?” she retorted cheekily. He rolled his eyes at her and laughed as he shook his head.

“We could always just go back to mine instead?” he mused the idea, watching her face intently.

“And what about our date, I want to be wined and dined by the Great Ethan Ramsey! Dammit, I deserve it” she huffed jokingly, placing her hands on her hips and pouting at him.

Ethan chuckled at the sight “you deserve it?” he quipped, taking in the scene unfolding in front of him “Well… I happen to have wine, and a comfy couch, TV even! We could watch a movie, chat over a few drinks and order some food in… I know Jenner would be happy to see you again” he said as he subtly pressed the button that unlocked his car, the lights flashing in response. The action caused Lorelei to throw her head back and laugh “smooth…” she quipped at him, smiling as she walked to the passenger side to get in “you just want to get me alone again, don’t you?” she teased as she opened the door.

“I am the perfect gentleman; I’ll have you know” he replied as he moved to the driver’s side.

She gestured to her side of the car, at the open door and the fact he wasn’t there opening it for her, “we’ll see…” she purred, quirking her eyebrow at him insinuatingly.

“Get in the car” he laughed breathlessly, shaking his head as he climbed into his seat.

Taglist: @ethandaddyramsey @trappedinfandoms

#ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart #playchoices

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mrs-i-have-too-many-biases · 5 years

Text

A love like silk// Han Jisung pt.12

Bad boy!Jisung

Genre: Angst/ Fluff Summary: Silk, one of the softest fabrics on the planet. It’s breathable and comfortable. Just like how he was to you. He gave you space to breath. He always made sure you were okay. Yet why, do people say he’s bad to you? He gave you a love that’s soft and tender. A love that involves soft touches, tight hugs for comfort and sweet talk, smooth like silk. A/n: This one is long. Word count: 6k Warnings: Swearing, FLUFF

Jisung swung the door of the dorm open and slammed it close after he had entered. Tears were streaming down his face as he was dealing with his heart that was broken by Y/n. The scene was printed in his brain and Jisung felt like it was stuck on replay.

Chan heard somebody enter and went to see who it was. “Oh, Jisung! Welcome home- are you crying?” Chan asked surprised when he noticed Jisung’s tear-stained cheeks. “Did something happen at the party? Did you see Y/n?” Chan asked carefully as he approached his younger friend.

Jisung’s lip started trembling, the scene flashing in front of his eyes as he tried to tell Chan what happened. “Y/n…Jaemin…kissed,” was all Jisung could make out as he started to break down again. Jisung’s body slid down the door as he hid his face in between his knees. Chan stood perplexed in front of Jisung, kneeling down himself to comfort him.

Chan’s mind filled with anger and heated thoughts as he forced Jisung on his feet to lead him to his bed. Chan couldn’t believe that Y/n could do this to Jisung. He thought she loved him. He felt betrayed. ‘Jisung must feel betrayed as well.’ Chan thought to himself.

He jumped up in surprise once again, when Chan hears the door bust open once again. He ran out the bedroom to see what was going on. “Yasmin?” Chan exclaimed confused. She turned to Chan with big teary eyes. “What happened?” Chan asked as he helped her sit down, he rubbed her back soothingly as he noticed that she, just like Jisung had been crying.

‘What the hell is going on today?’ He thought to himself.

Not much later, Woojin busted through the door as well, scaring Chan for the last time that night, which you could easily call morning already. Woojin was panting as he took off his shoes. Chan gave Woojin a look and received one from his friend which said ‘I’ll tell you later’, but later seemed to arrive sooner than Woojin thought when Yasmin started to ramble.

“…I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what made our conversation escalate so badly. Y/n and I never fight and I can assure you this, this might be the worst fight I ever had in my life!” Yasmin exclaimed. Chan pushed a cup of water in her hands as he listened to her.

“I still don’t get it, Woojin?” Yasmina added, still confused.

“Apparently at the party, Y/n picked a fight and it escalated badly. They fought outside at the party and well, Yasmin left angry as Y/n said bad things to her. I don’t know what was said, but it was bad since Yasmin ended up in this state.” Woojin whispered.

“What is going on with Y/n? This isn’t like her.” Chan muttered to herself. “I even saw her the whole evening with Jaemin. This kid really has changed her! I knew he was no good!” Yasmin yelled.

“He also kissed her.” Chan would tell her. “Really? What the fuck! Why are you telling me that though? I don’t care who the fuck she exchanges saliva with!” Yasmin yelled in disgust. “I know, but I just wanted you to know that Jisung saw it.” Chan stated obviously. “So? Why would he care?” She asked confused.

“Because I love her.” A small voice croaked.

The three looked over their shoulder to see a crying Jisung standing in the doorway of his bedroom to the living room where they were sitting.

“Y-you what?” Yasmin stuttered in shock.

She stood up to take a good look at Jisung to see if he wasn’t lying. She saw his teary puffy eyes. She stared at him to see no emotion to be found, but sadness. She saw his genuine feeling and that his heart was broken.

When Jisung let another tear roll down his cheek, Yasmin ran to his side to hug him. He cried on her shoulder as he held her tight. “I’m so sorry Jisung. I never knew, I’m so confused.” Yasmin whispered. “It’s a long story and we will explain another time.” Chan assured her.

It’s been a few days and the weekend were now over. And Jisung had spend the rest of his weekend laying in his bed, refusing to eat or drink as well. His friends let him be, knowing he needed time for himself.

Chan and Woojin had convinced Jisung to go to school, even though Jisung probably would break down in tears as soon as he would have a glimpse of Y/n. At school he tried to avoid her as much as possible. Classes that they shared; he’d skip. He knew her schedule so he knew when to avoid her.

Y/n knew Jisung was avoiding her, because the places where she usually would see him, she didn’t. She didn’t want to admit that she wanted to see him, but she did. She kind of missed him and she had no idea why he was avoiding her. She would sit in her seat, looking at the empty spot besides her where Jisung was supposed to sit.

Through the school halls were people already whispering about Y/n and Jisung.

‘I heard Y/n was making out with Na Jaemin at the party last Saturday.’ ‘I know right, but isn’t he like her boyfriend?’ ‘Does that mean Jisung is single again?’ ‘I’m so going to take my shot and ask him out.’ ‘You totally should, he should see that you’re so much better than that slut.’ ‘I know right? I thought she liked him.’ ‘I guess she only used him, fucking bitch.’

Y/n quickly walked away after hearing their harsh whispers. As she hurried herself through the hallways, she passed Jisung without knowing. He stared at her as she walked by, thinking she avoided him after what happened Saturday.

‘I guess, she’s really with Jaemin then.’ He whispered to himself. He pushed himself off the lockers and stumbled his way outside. In the meantime, as he walked around, girls were throwing themselves onto him, but he gave them no reaction.

Every girl who asked him out or tried to confess her feelings to him, kept pushing themselves onto so they could date or get his attention. They all assumed he was single and ready to mingle. Yes, he was single, but he didn’t want to be with anyone other than Y/n.

Jisung didn’t care that the girl was surrounding him still when he was outside. A crashing sound of shattering glass caught his attention. He looked up to see what happened, only to see Y/n behind the crowd of girls. He saw her being pushed around and fall to the ground. He stopped zoning out and pushed his way through the girls to get to Y/n.

He stopped right in front of her, noticing her arm was bleeding and glass surrounding it. He heard the girls who pushed Y/n to the ground apologise frantically.

Jisung pushed them away, receiving a surprised look from Y/n.

“Jisung?” She asked.

He didn’t answer her and picked her up bridal style. He heard her stutter but ignore her as he hurried her to the hospital.

“Jisung put me down, I can walk.”

She looked up to him and stared at his features. Jisung had a worried, but emotionless look on his face. She caught him taking glances at her every now and then, making her heart flutter. She decided not to fight him right now, knowing he won’t put her down anyway. So, she rested her face in the crook of his neck as he hurried her to the hospital.

Jisung’s heart was racing, not only because he has been running with Y/n in his arms, gathering all his strength to carry her all the way, but he also felt like he had everything he needed right now. He had her in his arms, unfortunately to take her to the hospital.

When the two arrived, Jisung put Y/n down in a wheelchair and went to get someone to take care of her arm. Y/n sat quietly as her eyes followed Jisung’s movements. Her eyes still followed his figure as she was taken away by a nurse to get her arm medically treated.

“Can’t he come?” “I’m sorry dear, your boyfriend has to wait, he might panic when the doctor will treat you…” The nurse kindly explained as she kept rambling on. Y/n’s mind was drifting off as she spoke, wondering if Jisung was waiting as impatiently to see her again as she was for him.

After an hour or so, Y/n was done getting the glass removed from her arm and getting stitches. She wasn’t allowed to go home yet though, so she was put in a bedroom. “Just stay here, after the medicines have worked off, you will be sent home with some new medications.” The doctor states before he left her room.

Y/n sighed as she laid back down. The bandage that was wrapped around her arm made it difficult to get comfortable in her hospital bed. “Young man, you’re now allowed to see her.” Y/n heard the doctor say to who she assumed was Jisung.

He peeked his head through the doorway, to check if she was looking, which she was. Making him pull his face away from her sight in what seemed like a millisecond. Jisung took a deep breath and gathered all his courage before he walked inside the room. He shot her a small smile as he held a teddy bear, a ‘get well soon’ balloon and what seemed like a pastry in his hands as he did. She returned the smile as he walked closer to her.

“These are for you.” He muttered kind of shyly whilst he set the items in front of her. “You bought these for me?” She asked surprised. “Who else am I visiting then?” Jisung chuckled, making her let out a small laugh as well.

Jisung sat at the end of the bed as they stayed in silence. She was happily petting the bear Jisung got her, until Jisung broke the silence.

“You’re an unlucky thing, aren’t you?” He teased, trying to lighten the mood. Y/n chuckled, but then she suddenly remembered what had happened the past few weeks. She felt confused and honestly didn’t wanted to be confronted by him.

“How did this happen-“ “Jisung, I really appreciate it that you brought me here, even though I could’ve walked myself, but I think you should go.” She whispered. “No.” Jisung simply replied. “No? What do you mean no?” “I’m not leaving.” Jisung states as he laid down at her feet onto his back. “Jisung, please just leave-“ “No! I know this all happened because of me and I want to make it up to you! I know I’m the last person you probably want to see right now, but I know I have to. I treated you like shit and I made the biggest mistake in my life as I did that.” Jisung tried not to yell as his emotions overwhelmed him.

Y/n looked away from him as he started to stare. She tried to focus her gaze outside, even though she wanted to look at him so badly. Jisung noticed her uncomfortable state and scraped his throat.

It was time.

“Y/n, I know you probably hate me and that the following thing I might say might now make sense at all, but… I love you.” He confesses as he sat up straight. Y/n turned to him, with a shocked expression on her face.

‘Did he just…’

“The past few weeks I’ve been so confused with my feelings and I outed them in the worst way possible. I know I don’t deserve to be forgiven by you, but I just want you for myself. Only me. Just me. I was stuck in between my brain and heart. My brain saying, I should think about what others already think of me and just stick with it, but my heart was just in need for someone like you and I felt overwhelmed. I was so used to be someone who others told me to be, that I got scared when I got to be myself around you.” Jisung’s confession left Y/n less confused.

Everything made sense: Chan asking her to be gentle and considerate of his feelings was one of the things. She mentally facepalmed herself for not noticing, but she just never thought that Jisung could like her.

“I wondered why you never saw how much I like you. Why you couldn’t see how much I love you.” Jisung says next as if he read her mind.

“You’re my everything and I know I don’t show it, but trust me you’re my world. I’m so lost and in pain when I’m without you. I beat myself up for every time I mistreated you. You should be handles with care and tenderness, as if you were the most valuable and expensive thing in the world. Everything should’ve gone softly and smoothly, like the silk dress you wore. Fuck, you looked so gorgeous.” Jisung chuckled at his own confession. Clearing his throat right after in embarrassment when he saw her chuckle as well.

“Y/n,” Jisung started as he moved himself closer to her, “you’re the reason why I want to become a better version of myself. I think Chan might has told you already about how we got our image, but I can assure you, you bring out the best of me and I really love you for that. You acted like I was just an ordinary person, when you knew what image I have, but I guess it’s too late now for me.” Jisung sadly dropped his gaze to the floor.

Y/n understood why Jisung felt so confused, thinking back about what Chan has told her and Jisung’s mom had admitted. She always knew Jisung wasn’t a bad guy, he was just lost. Like he was strayed from his real self.

She wanted to hate him. For everything he has done or said to her, but she couldn’t. She just simply couldn’t. She remembered the good times she had with him and wanted to focus on that instead on his flaw, like the rest of the world seemed to do.

Suddenly in the middle of her thoughts, she remembered Jaemin and how Jisung totally saw her making out with his ‘enemy’.

“Jaemin and I aren’t together.” She blurted out. It was now Jisung’s turn to look at the other in confusion. “What?” “Jaemin and I aren’t together. You said it was too late. It isn’t Sungie.” Jisung felt his heart skip a beat at the nickname he hadn’t heard in ages. “But-“ He began, but was cut off by her. “We never were together if we’re speaking of a romantic relationship. We are just friends Jisung.” She tried to assure him. Jisung’s eyes were filled with hope for just a second. “Why did you kiss him then? Why did you skip classes to be with him? Why did you even meet and hang out with him?” Jisung whispered sadly as he looked at her with watery eyes, feeling his heart ache.

“Yes, I did meet Jaemin at a party, we talked and he told me about his ex. He fucked their relationship up and wanted her back, but she was in a relationship with someone else already, so he asked me to fake-date him so he could make her jealous so he could at least talk to her. It might doesn’t make sense when I explain it like this, but trust me it does.” Y/n tried to let out a chuckle, to lighten the mood, but it didn’t help. So, she cleared her throat and continued.

“We had to make it believable and since he a ‘bad guy’ as well, I had to skip classes. The teachers thought I was visiting the hospital for mental health appointments, which Jaemin did take me to every now and then, but that’s not the point. Last Saturday, at the party. She was there too, Jae’s ex. She had texted him before that she didn’t believe that we were together, so we had to make it more realistic and kiss in front of everybody. It didn’t mean anything I swear.”

“You didn’t need to explain everything, but I’m kind of glad you did.” Jisung sighed as he leaned his body on his arms as he looked at her.

“The thing is, as I was fake-dating Jaemin, I talked to him a lot and I realised that I really love you too.” Y/n confessed softly. She looked at Jisung who was frozen in his spot as if he was paused in real life. “Jisung?” Y/n waved her hand in front of his face, trying to get any reaction or life out of him.

“Sungie, please say something-“

Y/n was cut of by Jisung’s lips crashing on hers. Both of their hearts racing in their chest as adrenaline rushed through their body whilst they shared their first kiss with one another. Jisung carefully held her by her lower back as his lips attacked hers, trying to be careful with her healing arm.

When he pulled away, they stayed centimetres from each other, staring at each other’s lips and then their eyes. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that.” He laughed softly.

She giggled slightly as she wrapped her arms around his neck, placing her forehead against his in progress. “I really love you Jisung.” She whispered, their lips almost touching again whilst they stare in each other’s eyes. His eyes were now filled with tears of happiness and they couldn’t help, but fall from his face.

“Be my girlfriend then.” He tried to act cool, but his voice crack made the both of them crack up as well. “I’d love to be.” She whispered before connecting their lips again.

After what seemed like ten seconds, which in reality was fifteen minutes of kissing, they suddenly heard someone clear his throat behind near them. They looked up to see the doctor awkwardly standing there, making Y/n push Jisung off her and him falling off in progress.

“You’re allowed to go home, here are your medications, which are painkillers. They should be taken with water, if you have further question you can always contact me.” He informed, giving Y/n a small box, before he left.

“You’re a free woman again, sweet cheeks.” Jisung joked whilst poking her cheek, making her heart flutter at the nickname she as well hadn’t heard in ages.

“Let’s go home then.” She suggested as she climbed out of her big bed. “No, let’s go somewhere else first.” Jisung smirked before he took her good hand and dragged her with him, her being a giggling mess behind him. Loving the fact that he was her boyfriend now.

It was later in the afternoon already; school had finished so it was no use to go back. Jisung held her hand tightly as he led her to their usual café. The barista shot hem a smile, but looked quite worried when she saw the bandaged arm of Y/n’s. She didn’t ask what happened and just took their order.

He sat her down at the best spot at the café, a view out over the city as they sat next to the window. Y/n let out a laugh as Jisung had ordered two cheesecakes and some drinks. He also had a sandwich that they could share.

She adored him as Jisung savoured the cheesecake, bite for bite.

“Why did you take me here?” Y/n asked him, making Jisung look up from his cheesecake, whilst he had a mouthful of it, making her laugh. “I wasn’t going to let you eat gross hospital food, the pastry I bought you was the least nasty thing I could find.” Jisung laughed. “Hospital food isn’t that bad-“ “Just eat your cake woman or I will!” Jisung gushed playfully.

Jisung scooped some cake from her plate and positioned the fork in front of her lips. She was taken back by his action but accepted his offer to feed her.

After they finished their food and drinks. Once again, he took her by the hand and dragged her through the city. They went to an arcade and Jisung had won many prices for her, obviously carrying them for her as well, since she was injured.

“Jisung, I can carry some of them.” She would argue as Jisung refused to let her hold anything. He smirked to himself as he freed one hand from carrying the plushies he was holding. “Hold this.” Jisung smirked as he stuck out his hand for her to hold. She laughed warmly before taking his hand. She saw him smile to himself and gathered her courage to kiss his cheek out of nowhere, taking Jisung by surprise, making him almost drop everything. Y/n laughed again when Jisung started to stutter, trying to say something to her.

“Dang it woman, you make me a mess.”

After hours of fun, Jisung had taken her to her place and they were now relaxing on her bed. Her head was rested on his chest, her injured arm laying on his tummy whilst his arms were secure around her.

His hands were brushing her hair as they laid in silence. She looked up to him as he stared at her ceiling. He thought back when he climbed up her balcony to try and talk to her, catching her stare at the very same ceiling at the same spot as well.

“Thank you for today.” Y/n whispered as she kissed his cheek for the umpteenth time that day. He looked down at her and shot her a warm smile. He brought her closer to him and hugged her tight. “You’re welcome, I had to. I wanted to make it up to you and this was a start.” He whispered back. “You didn’t have to do all of this. I forgive you. The guys, well mostly Chan, had talked to me about you and the situation that was on going and I understand. I even talked to your parents at some point.” “You did?” He asked surprised. “Yeah, I was babysitting Hyunsun-“ “Wait what-“ “Stop interrupting me!” “I- okay sorry, go on then my love.” Jisung laughed, shooting her a wink as well. “Anyways,” Y/n tried to calm herself down from laughing before she continued.

“Your cousin got hurt so I brought him home and your mother told me she recognises me from a picture that you had in your room-“ “Oh my gosh she did.” Jisung hid his face in her hair in embarrassment, making her giggle. “It was sweet. She was very nice, she asked me things about you, like how you were doing at school and how we met.” “She could’ve asked me if she wanted to know.” Jisung muttered, thinking she wouldn’t hear it. She moved her face a bit away from him so she could look at him properly before she started talking. “They really miss you. She says she regrets it.” Y/n whispered.

“Let’s not talk about this right now, I just want to enjoy your company. I’ve waited way too long to hold you in my arms.” Jisung planted a kiss on forehead as he laid back down, pulling her down with him.

Y/n opened her eyes and realised that she and Jisung felt asleep after their fun day. There was a blanket slightly draped over her. ‘He must has put it over me.’ She thought as she admired Jisung’s sleeping state, in a non-creepy way.

Y/n was scared out of her mind, when Jisung opened his eyes and smothered her in a hug. “My sweet, sweet love.” He muttered into her hair, making her giggle. “Good morning to you too Sungie.” “I wish I could wake up like this for the rest of my life.” Jisung murmured against your skin as he planted kisses on her face.

“What do you want to do today?” Jisung asked. “Jisung we have school in an hour-“ “Oh shit!”

Days has gone by and they were now officially dating. At first Y/n wasn’t sure to hold his hand or not, but Jisung felt like it has been too long and he wanted everybody to know that she was finally and officially his.

People were staring at the two of them, showing that they had no lives. Especially when they kept asking Y/n details about her relationship with Jisung during classes. Y/n decided to ignore them and focus notes that the teacher was giving.

Felix and Jeongin had heard from all the whispers that Y/n and Jisung were, finally, dating. And they wanted to see it for themselves. They walked past the canteen to see if they were there, even though they knew they were probably outside. Which they were.

The two saw the couple alone at a table, having lunch together whilst smiling. They were happy for them, but also confused since they didn’t know what the hell happened for the two to get together. They didn’t care, they were just happy that they finally got to be together and to share that news with the others: Felix sneakily took a picture and send it to his chat where the other guys were in as well.

As Jisung and Y/n were laughing heard Jisung his phone notification. He opened the chat to see a stalker-y picture of him and his girlfriend. He showed Y/n who only chuckles whilst Jisung replied with the words ‘Fucking stalker’.

“Are you coming over this weekend? I thought we could be having some quality time together, to make more joyful memories we could remember instead of the ones we have of each other at the moment.” Y/n suggested. “I’d love to, what do you want to do?” He replied. “Well, we kind of have to finish our English project, since the deadline is next Wednesday. We could finish that and just relax at my place?”

“So, you’re suggesting Netflix and Chill?” Jisung smirked whilst wiggling his eyebrows. Y/n playfully threw a piece of lettuce that was in between her sandwich towards her boyfriend, making him laugh as well. “You perv, you’re like when I met you for the first time again.” Y/n snickered, whilst she cleaned up the mess she made. “And how’s that?” “Flirty.” She replied whilst shooting him a sly smirk. “Of course, I am. I have to flirt with my girlfriend to show her that I love her!”

“Oh my gosh.” Was everything she could say as her cheesy boyfriend tried to kiss her.

Y/n stood up from the couch to open the door that just was knocked on, but before she could even open it her dad rushed in front of her and opened the door instead of Y/n, revealing Jisung who stood nervously in front of the doorway with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

“Hello Jisung.” Y/n’s dad grunted in a deep ‘intimidating’ voice. Y/n facepalmed herself whilst she laughed quickly at her dad. Jisung swallowed his nervousness loudly as he stuck out his hand for Y/n’s dad to shake. The adult man started to laugh and pulled Jisung in a hug.

“I scared you, didn’t I?” He laughed, turning around to look at his daughter in amusement.

“Honey, let the poor guy alone. He’s not going to want to come back again if you keep going.” Y/n mother scoffed as she pulled her husband away from the young boy.

He quickly fixed his hair before he handed Y/n the flowers he was holding. “Are those for me?” Y/n asked him with a smile, he nodded his head in respond, feeling slightly awkward since her parents were standing right behind her, staring at his actions. “Honey we should go, let’s leave them be.” Her mother says before dragging her husband away. “We’ll be outside!” Her mother added, pushing her husband with a struggle away from the scene. “Alright!” Y/n yelled after them.

Jisung and Y/n had been working on their English project, which had turned out to be music related. They were going to make a song with only English lyrics Not only would they do that, they would make a song where mental health under the youth was the topic and the centre of their music. With the music they wanted to help people with these problems or at least try to when they listen to the music they had produced.

Jisung had offered to use some samples he had already made or found on SoundCloud for the music. They would make the lyrics together and Y/n would make a PowerPoint presentation to complete it.

Jisung let Y/n listen to the music he had made and to say that she was impressed was an understatement. “Jisung! This sounds amazing! Did you really make this?” She asked in admiration. “I did, but Chan and Changbin were producers of it as well.” He replied, his cheeks turning red by the flattering compliment. “You guys really should make more music and put it out there! I’m sure you guys would be great in the music industry!” She encouraged whilst hugging her boyfriend. “You really think so?” Jisung looked at her to see if she was somewhat lying, but he only could see a genuine smile and spark in her eyes.

“Chan talked with us the other day about changing our name form SKZ to Stray Kids. He wanted us to have a new start if we ever wanted to continue with music-“ “That sounds amazing! Stray Kids! It has a nice ring to it! I love it! You really should do it.” Y/n squealed enthusiastically. “I’ll talk to Chan about it.” Jisung laughed.

“By the way, we’ve been working for a while and we’re almost done. Do you want something to eat? It’s almost eight.” Y/n asked whilst standing up. “I’ll make some food, you sit down. I’ll be back.” Jisung quickly replied as he pushed his girlfriend back on the couch, before he walks towards the kitchen. “Wait, do you know where we keep what?” Y/n asked laughing whilst he made his way to the kitchen. “I’ll figure it out! Don’t worry babe!” He winked at her before he disappeared into the kitchen, receiving a little squeal from her, making him laugh right after.

After Jisung had found the things he needed, he started cooking. He was lost eventually in his own world and started to sing along with the song that was stuck in his head on replay: half moon by Dean. Jisung kept on singing as Y/n’s dad walked into the kitchen to get some drinks for his wife and himself. He stopped his actions and started to listen to the young boy singing and he had an amazing idea.

“Jisung, my son. I didn’t know you could sing like that.” Y/n’s dad praised, making Jisung jump in surprise, dropping his spatula in process. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I was just taken back by your voice, it lovely by the way.” “Well thank you sir.” Jisung said politely as he bowed. “Have you ever thought about singing professionally?” The adult man asked, receiving a pair of shocked eyes that were pointed to him. “I-I beg your pardon?” Jisung stuttered. “Wait, let me call my wife and sit down for this. I understand that this might be quite confusing.”

“…and that’s why we wanted to start a musical or creative project. My husband has always been into music so he would love to work with music again to earn his money. You know, something familiar but new.” Y/n’s mother explained whilst chuckling.

Jisung sat across from them, still in shock. Y/n was seated next to him, holding his hand in comfort so he would stop shaking. This would be a dream, but something didn’t feel right yet.

“I would be honoured to take your offer on becoming a professional musician, but I’m actually in this group with these eight other talented boys. We’re used to be called SKZ, but we wanted to change our name to Stray Kids. What I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t think it would be fair, that I have a chance to debut if it isn’t without them. Like our leader tells us: it’s nine or non.” Jisung pointed out, feeling nervous of his chance to be taken away from him.

“That’s amazing! A group of young individuals, making their own music and lyrics! The teamwork must be great!” Y/n’s dad exclaimed in admiration. “It is! We’re all like brothers. We couldn’t live without each other.” Jisung admitted. “Very well, we will send you an email with information about the deal we want to make with you guys, which you can show them. I will give you a chance to show your skills for us to see if you’re ready for the show business. In two weeks, you will come back to our home and show us songs you’ve made. It doesn’t necessarily have to be new, just show us your best works and skills. And we will see after if we have a deal or not.”

Jisung couldn’t believe his ears. He and his friends were given a shot. He stood up and bowed deeply to show his gratefulness. “Thank you so much sir, ma’am. We will not disappoint you. We’ll make sure of it.” Jisung stumbled over his words as he was still trying to process what just happened as he shook Y/n’s parents’ hands.

Her parents stood up and left to the backyard once again, leaving the couple alone. Y/n waved her hand in front of her boyfriend’s face to see if he was still functioning like a normal human being, but no reaction was found.

“Sungie, are you okay?” She asked him softly as she placed her hand on his shoulder, slightly shaking him. He looked at her and suddenly snapped out of his trance. He pulled her roughly into a hug and twirled her around, making her giggle as he did so. “Sungie what-“

“You’re amazing. Ever since I’ve met you, my life has been better. I love you so much. I can’t thank God enough for making us meet. I can’t thank the universe enough- destiny! I-I couldn’t be more thankful for you.” He says with tears in his eyes. “Don’t cry my love. You deserve this.” She whispered as she held him tight.

She heard her boyfriend sigh as he hid his face deeper into the crook of her neck. “I’m glad there’s somebody’s parents who at least support me.” He muttered, making Y/n sigh softly as well. “Give them some time Sungie, they will come around.” She assured him whilst rubbing his bed in comfort.

“One day I hope they will see how good you are. How good you are to me. To others. How many skills you have evolved through time, even the ones they might not even know about yet. You’re such an amazing guy, Jisung. I love you. Trust me they will see that as well soon enough. I promise.” She whispered. Jisung squeezed her body a little tighter in his arms as he let a couple tears fall down as they stood there.

“I love you so much Y/n.”

“I love you too Jisung. Everything will be alright.”

Y/n kissed the top of Jisung’s head and Jisung felt happy and lucky to have her. He knew she was right. Everything would be alright.

Two more parts!

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melodiouswhite · 4 years

Text

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde rewritten - Ch. 48

48. Slow recovery

“Good morning, gentlemen! Oh, so gay today?”, Lady Summers observed, when Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde and Mr. Utterson came to her room, grinning at her and her doctor like no tomorrow.

“Indeed”, Dr. Jekyll responded. “But so are you two. If you pardon my indecency, Milady, but I know my friend – you finally talked about you-know-what, didn't you?”

Lady Summers and Lanyon exchanged a glance. Then they realised, that they were still holding hands and chuckled.

“Yes, Doctor”, she finally answered and settled back into the pillows.

Then she let her eyes wander over the trio and frowned. “But as I see, Mr. Hyde didn't listen to my instruction to stay in his room?”

He looked away sheepishly.

“No”, Mr. Utterson confirmed with a hint of frustration, “He crawled into ours and woke us up at three in the morning.”

Dr. Jekyll nodded.

Mr. Hyde threw his arms up. “Oh come on! I didn't want to fuck or anything!”

“Really?”, Jekyll interrupted sourly, “Then how come you couldn't keep your hands off me, when Gabriel and I were trying to sleep?!”

“Oh shut up, you miserable hypocrite! You couldn't keep your hands off me either!”

Lady Summers sighed and pinched her nose. “This kind of nonsense is why I didn't want you two to share a room. Mr. Hyde, just a friendly reminder, this is my house. And I'd rather not have to deal with the noise you two make, when you do … well, that. I would never be able to get them – or the images – out of my head, which I'd rather avoid, thank you very much.”

Mr. Utterson blinked. “What do you mean?”

Her dear doctor answered no-nonsensically: “These hypersexual bitches are loud.”

The looks on Dr. Jekyll's and Mr. Hyde's faces were so priceless that Lady Summers doubled over with laughter.

Poor Mr. Utterson almost fell from his chair, but somehow that made her laugh even harder.

As a result she spat blood, but that was worth it!

Oh, hanging out with these men was better than any burlesque!

“So you two are officially together now?”, Utterson asked, as soon as everyone had calmed down.

The Lady chuckled. “Well, only officially to you, but yes.”

“That's wonderful!”, he cried, “I'm so happy for you!”

“Thank you, Gabriel”, Lanyon replied warmly.

But Jekyll was feeling a light sting in his chest.

He was happy for them, he really, genuinely was.

But it was bittersweet.

Lanyon was happier with her than he'd ever been with him. And he deserved it, God knew he did! But it had taken so long for him to find that happiness, because he had wasted fifteen years of his life on him. Jekyll would probably never fully comprehend, how Lanyon had been able to put up with him for this long in the first place.

Lady Summers' voice brought him back to the moment. “Now, now, Dr. Jekyll. Let's not look back on our past relationships.”

“On one thing we have to look back, though”, Utterson spoke up. “What those people did to you is unforgivable.”

She nodded grimly. “I know it's unforgivable. And I certainly haven't forgiven them a single thing. And to think that it first happened in 1845, where people died from surgeries more often than they recovered-”

“That's only one thing”, Jekyll spoke up. “Notwithstanding your miraculous survival, only to be robbed of your dreams and crippled for the rest of your life – pardon my language, Milady.”

“Don't worry, no offence is taken”, she assured him. “I am technically a cripple, after all. Since-”

Another fit of blood spitting only served to confirm that statement.

“Since I suffer from this, because of all the things they did to me.”

“I have a question, though”, Hyde spoke up. Then he corrected himself. “Wait, no. It's two.”

She answered them, before they were even spoken: “I managed to fight you off that one night, because of my rigorous training. After our match I was indisposed for a week, but my condition would be a lot worse without the training. Learning to control my belly muscles was quite helpful, actually. If it wasn't for that I'd likely be quite dead by now.”

“Speaking of your condition”, Mr. Utterson spoke up. “We need to talk about pressing charges against your attacker.”

She raised a brow. “Baron Cleranescu? I don't think that will be necessary, considering he made a fool of himself and will never be able to show his face on British soil again. This is the worst thing you can do to someone belonging to the upper class.”

“He must face justice!”, Utterson insisted angrily, “You said yesterday night, that it's worse than usual and I will not accept the prospect of him hiding away and moping in some old castle in Rumania, while you're suffering from internal injuries! Not on my watch! I bet he wouldn't have dared to do this, if you were Lord and not Lady Summers!”

Oh right. Jekyll always forgot how adamant his love was about women's rights.

Lady Summers gaped at him.

Then she chuckled. “No, he definitely wouldn't have. He's as misogynistic as most men are, if not more.”

“That much was clear”, Hyde threw in, “I was there, I heard it all. She handed his arse to him with each sentence she spoke! Then he talked shit about Lanyon and his own wife, the Lady informed him that she's cheating on him with the king of Rumania and he lost it.”

Jekyll's jaw dropped. That bastard had kicked her in the abdomen – right where her weakest spot was – just because she had told him that his wife favoured another man?!

“I have an idea”, Hyde continued, “How about instead of suing him, we sic Alma onto him? She would love to-”

“Did somebody say my name?”, the very person asked, as she walked into the room to the Lady's bedside and took her hand.

“How are you feeling, Luise?”, she asked worriedly.

The Prussian chuckled. “Well, I'm spitting blood and my abdomen hurts, but apart from that, I'm fine.”

“It's that bastard's fault”, Miss Donovan snarled, “I'll cut his junk off and shove it into his mouth, before setting him on fire!”

“Sounds good, I'll help you”, Hyde agreed nonchalantly.

“No!”, Lady Summers spoke firmly. “You will do nothing of that sort. You will not get violent on me. Be the better person-”

“To hell with being the better person!”, Miss Donovan snapped, “I don't give a damn! That bastard hurt you and your health is already fragile! He must suffer! At least let me castrate him!”

Lady Summers frowned. “Give it one month and see what will happen.”

The red-haired girl huffed, but nodded.

Still before the evening all of London knew of the incident at the gala.

A foreigner had attacked and gravely injured one of the most high-ranking aristocrats of England, who was now bed-bound.

The Prince and Princess of Wales had requested that he be stripped of his rank and diplomatic immunity and the ambassador of Rumania had already complied.

The baron had already fled London.

Lanyon wasn't satisfied with that. He wanted the bastard to suffer for hurting his Lady. He wanted him to writhe in agony and beg for mercy.

“Now, now”, Lady Summers spoke up, when she saw him frown at the punchline on the newspaper. “Things need their time. Now that he no longer has his diplomatic immunity, he can be charged for his crimes. And if it doesn't happen in England, it'll be in Rumania.”

Lanyon hoped that she was right, he really did.

Lady Summers was unable to leave her bed for two weeks.

So when Lanyon allowed her to get up briefly and move around in a wheelchair, she was ecstatic.

It was a wonderful day, so she used the opportunity to get some fresh air.

“I really would love to go outside again”, she said. “And I hope that I won't be assaulted by a bunch of news reporters, who want an interview. Jesus Christ, I never asked for all this hustle!”

Mr. Utterson opened the window and looked outside. “I don't see any out there”, he told her.

She nodded in satisfaction. “Good. Perhaps I will enjoy just a few moments in the park, between all the people who recognise me and ask what happened.”

Dr. Jekyll lifted an eyebrow. “Considering how prominent you are? I doubt that.”

The Prussian huffed: “Crush my hopes, why don't you!”

Unfortunately, it turned out that Dr. Jekyll was right.

The group needed ages to get to the park; Lanyon had to stop the Lady's wheelchair every thirty feet, because someone recognised her and inquired after her wellbeing.

But finally they made it there and by the time it was forenoon, when most people were at home or at work.

“Perhaps it was good that it took us so long to get here”, Lady Summers remarked, “I love when the park is so empty.”

“I reckon you do”, her dear doctor remarked.

“And I can't sense anyone stalking us”, she continued cheerfully, “I think this will truly be a good day!”

Mr. Hyde cleared his throat, making her turn her head. “About that … I was wondering …”

“Yes?”

“Should Jekyll and I be worried too? That …”

“Absolutely.”

Maybe not the most reassuring answer, but they all knew that it was true.

The organisation was hunting for test subjects and if they found out the truth about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde …

The two needed to watch their backs in the near future.

“I have a question too”, Dr. Jekyll spoke up. “Those strange friends you mentioned … do they really live here in London?”

Lady Summers nodded. “Oh yes! They live in Soho, actually. Not that far away from Mr. Hyde's flat. I'm sure he passed by their house several times, without knowing.”

She chuckled fondly and shook her head. “You would like them, Dr. Jekyll. They're a lot like you.”

The blond doctor chuckled as well. “You attract people like me, don't you?”

“Somehow I do”, she replied nonchalantly and shrugged. “But you know what? I think I should introduce you four to them. I have told them a lot about you and am sure that they would love to meet you as well.”

Dr. Jekyll beamed at her. “I would love to meet them!”

“Same here”, Mr. Hyde agreed, “I'd be delighted to learn whose house I passed by without knowing.”

The other two men nodded as well.

Lady Summers was quite pleased at that. “Perfect. I will send them a note and inquire, if they receive.”

#The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde #Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde #Dr. Jekyll #henry jekyll #Mr. Hyde #edward hyde #Mr Utterson #Gabriel John Utterson #utterson #Hastie Lanyon #dr lanyon #oc

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

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What are you planning to do tomorrow? Tomorrow is Halloween, but I’m not doing anything special. I’ll just watch scary movies, which I’ve been doing all month, and chill with my family. Probably get some takeout. Are you comfortable with your height? I wish I was a little bit taller. Ha, cue Skee-lo “I Wish.” Last text received? My dad letting me know he was on his way home from work yesterday. Whats your favorite subject in school? My favorite was always English. Many of my psych courses in college were as well, which is what I majored in. Whats your least favorite subject in school? Me and math never got along. Are you afraid of heights? Yes.

Are you afraid of the dark? I sleep with my TV on because I can’t have it be completely dark. Or quiet. Are you a jealous person? I feel envy more. I haven’t felt jealous in a long time. Do you miss anyone right now? There’s a few someones I’ll always miss. How do you feel about your hair? I hate it right now. I badly need to get it dyed, trimmed, and styled. Do sleep with a stuffed animal? I have 3 that sit on my bed. Do you sleep with the light on? I sleep with the TV on for a little sound and light. Do you sleep with the fan on? Yes. Were you happy when you woke up today? I never wake up happy. I wake up feeling like a zombie. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? Yeah. Man, it’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard. Do you drink coffee? Duhhh. Do you find piercings attractive? No. I don’t mind some, I just don’t find them particularly attractive. Do you find tattoos attractive? Same thing I said about piercings. When is your birthday? July 28th. How long are you on the computer? I spend a lot of time on here. Do you watch a lot of TV? Yeah. It’s on as background noise a lot, but I’ll tune in and out to it. I do have my shows I watch and am into, though. Or if there’s a movie I like that’s on. I multitask between that and being on the computer. What was the last movie you watched? On TV it was Halloween (2007) yesterday and in theaters it was Joker last week. What was the last TV show you watched? Catfish. Do you curse in front of your parents? No. Are you slowly drifting away from someone close? That happened already with a lot of people these past few years. :/ Do you like your phone? Yeah. Have you ever taken a road drip? Yes. Are you happy right now? No. Do you have a crush on anyone? No. Have you ever written a story? Yeah. I used to write short stories when I was like 13/14. Man, I wish I still had those. What are you listening to right now? An ASMR video. Do you watch American Idol? No. I did when it first started and many seasons after that, but one the original judges started leaving I lost interest. Whats your favorite number? 8. Whats the last thing you ate? Ramen. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Gray. How is the weather right now? Nice and cold. Are you too shy to ask someone out? There isn’t anyone I want to ask out, but yeah I’m never the one to make the first move. What were you doing before this? Another survey. Do you have any pets? I have a 2 year old German Shepherd/Lab mix named Princess Leia. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing? Yeah. Are you still friends with someone from kindergarten? No. Do you like to travel by plane? I’ve only done it twice, but I might be traveling via plane next year. :O Do you use chapstick? Not often enough. I should. When did you last cry? A few days ago. What did you do today? So far just a few surveys and watched a few ASMR videos. Do you drink a lot of water? I need to drink more. I only drink like 1-2 bottles a day. What was the last website you visited? Google. How long do you think you will live? Blah. What do you spend most of your money on? Clothes. What did you eat for lunch today? I haven’t had lunch, yet, but I’m sure I’ll have a sandwich like I usually do. Do you eat breakfast? Usually. Do you eat junk food every day? I guess ramen could be considered junk food and I eat that like every night. Otherwise, no I’m not a snacker like I used to be. My appetite changed a lot a few years ago and I have some eating issues. How’s your life going lately? Blah. Do you like the winter time? Love it. Have you ever had to get your blood drawn? Countless times now. Do like eating mashed potatoes? Yesss. Are you a good cook? I make a pretty good bowl of ramen, ha. What is the most important thing to you? God and my family. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? No. I don’t have an interest in anyone like that currently. When was the last time someone put you on the spot? Surveys like to do that. Do you lie about your age? No. I have no reason to. I’m 30 and old, ha. Have you ever been stung by a bee? No, thankfully. Who was the last person you high fived? Probably my mom. Who made you mad today? No one has. Do you like whip cream? Yeah, I like it in hot chocolate and like latte/mochas/cappuccinos. I don’t like whipped cream frosting, though. Give me buttercream. Do you know how to swim? Nope. Are you afraid of falling in love? Yes. Could you go a whole month without cursing? Yeah. I don’t cure a lot anyway. Are you close to your mother? Very. Are you close to your father? No. We don’t have a bad relationship, but it’s not like the one my mom and I have. It’s just different. Do you miss your past? I miss a lot of things about my past. Are you any good at math? Nope. Do you look at the keyboard when you type? No. Who hugged you last? My mom. Who’s one person you can tell everything to? Ya’ll. ha. Do you keep things bottled up inside? I keep to myself a lot “in real life”, but I share a lot in surveys. Has anyone let you down lately? Just myself as always. Do you call anyone by their last name? No. Have you ever been called a bad influence? No. Do you have a lucky number? I don’t believe in luck, but I have a favorite number: 8. What scares you the most? Losing my loved ones, never getting better/getting worse, and never doing anything with my life and just wasting away. What did you do today? Just a few surveys and watched a few ASMR videos so far. It’s only 3:22AM. Why do you feel the way you feel? Good question! I’d sure like to know what the hell is wrong with me. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Starbucks Doubleshot. What woke you up this morning? My body will wake itself up. Do you have a best friend to lean on? I have my family. Do you ever have wierd confusing dreams? All the time. How is your hair right now? A mess. When was the last time you went shopping? Earlier this month my mom and I did a little shopping at the mall. We went grocery shopping last week. Did you laugh a lot today? Not so far, but like I said it’s only 3 in the morning. Do you know what pseudo means? Yes. Was there anyone who made your day today? Sigh. Are you liking how you look today? No. Or any day. Do you hate when they give a lot of tv commercials? Yeah, they’re pretty annoying. Are you waiting for anything? Not at the moment. Are you a very stressed out person? Yes. Are you single? Yes. Do you watch the news? Sometimes. I mostly get my news online or from news app on my phone. Have you ever been to disney world? No, but I’ve been to Disneyland. Do you like animals? Yesss. Do you know how to skateboard? I can’t. Do you go to church? No. I do listen to the sermon that’s uploaded every Sunday from a local church that I plan to attend in the future. What do you do to relax? “Relax, don’t do it when you want to go to it.”

Anyway, the only time I’m able to really relax even just a little is when I’m at the beach. Do you hate when people stare at you for no reason? Uh, yeah. It happens a lot with kids. They’re so fascinated by wheelchairs, I guess. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My mom. Do you remember what date is was? When I had the deep convo with my mom? It was just a couple days ago. How often do you talk on the phone? I rarely talk on the phone. The only time are brief calls with one of my parents when they’re calling from work or while they’re out and about. Do you have any saved texted messages? My phone just keeps ‘em all. I’ve never gone through and deleted any. Which color is better? Red, Blue, Green, Black, or Yellow? I like all of them, but honestly I’d probably go with black. And blah, blah yeah I know it’s not really a color. Shh. Whats your first initial? S. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Not anymore. I used to be. My emotions were like, “we’re in control now!” Are you afraid of rollercoasters? Yeahhh, I don’t do rollercoasters. Is anyone annoying you right now? No. Everyone here is asleep. Do you smile a lot? *shrug* Genuine ones not as much. Does the person you like know that you like them? I don’t like anyone in that way currently. Have you ever cried from being so mad? Yes. If I’m mad then I cry, they go hand in hand. There’s been a few times where I was literally shaking with anger. That’s rare and takes a lot, but it has happened. Did you cry today? Not so far. When was the last time you had a sleepover? Several years ago. My cousins used to sleep over all the time. Do you like watching horror movies? Love ‘em. How many kids do you want? Zero. What do you wanna be when you grow up? I’m “grown up”, but I still have no idea. Don’t let my age fool you, though. I don’t feel grown up in a lot of ways. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Do you like taking pictures? Not of myself, but sure. Do walk around bare foot when your at home? Or do you wear socks? I always wear socks. Don’t you hate that when it’s freezing cold outside your nose gets runny? It’s not pleasant. Don’t you hate that when it’s freezing cold outside your eyes get teary? That doesn’t happen to me. Do you wear make up? It’s been a long time since I’ve worn any makeup. I honestly don’t think I have at all this year. :O Do you wear jewerly? I wear these beaded bracelets (some I made, some I bought) sometimes. Do you ever play games on the computer? I like to play The Sims sometimes. It’s been awhile, though.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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admittedlynotspartacus · 5 years

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“Game of Thrones” Season VIII: Episode 1 - Eighth Verse, Same as the First

All right you sons of bitches, here we motherfucking go. The last six episodes. I want to see you wrapping yourselves up in fur, hopping on your nearest dragon, and shaking your asses... because winter? She’s here.

WARNING: Spoilers for the latest episode below, so if you haven’t seen it and don’t know yet who dies, who fucks who, and just how many times Bran was creeping in his wheelchair, turn back now.

WINTERFELL

Okay, so after the credits are like -

we see this rando little boy running around and we’re kinda like, “Little Boy, what the fuck are you up to?” And he’s like -

And it’s kinda like “Okay, little boy, chill the fuck out because D-Baby and J’Snow are COMING. TO. TOWN.” So they’re strutting in like -

And Arya’s watching like -

but also a little like -

And meanwhile during all this, Barack and Michelle are looking around all -

Anyway, the whole thing is like kinda gorgeous and super nostalgic but like in a good way and we’re kinda like, “This might actually just be really fucking great.” But then D&D are like, “Boy, do we have a fucking treat for you guys, ‘cause the first line of the season? Yeah, it’s gonna be a joke about how Varys doesn’t have a dick!”

And what’s more constant on Game of Thrones than dick jokes? No, aside from gratuitous nudity. No, also aside from sexual violence against women. Yes, that’s right. Dragons. The lone survivors come flying over Winterfell, and Arya’s like -

while Sansa is all -

Truly not having it. Okay, so finally J-Snow winds up in the Winterfell courtyard and we see somebody creeping in the corner of the frame like -

SURPRISE! IT’S BRAN! And J-Snow’s all, “Yo little bro, it’s so crazy to see you. You’re totally a grown ass man now.” And Bran is all -

And we’re like, “Cool, so he’s like TOTALLY just a fucking meme now, got it.”

Meanwhile, tensions are HIGH inside the Meeting Hall when Lady Sophia Grace reads. J-Snow. To. Filth.

And so it’s like drama, drama, drama, but like none of it ultimately matters because guess who’s fucking back with like a REAL White Supremacist haircut?

That’s right. Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. And also minorities, because... that haircut is a little concerning.

He’s basically like, “Gotta have more coal, gotta have more coal,” while P-Dinky and Sansa have That Awkward Remember When We Got Married talk and Bran watches from the courtyard like -

Then for Reunion #5,765 we’ve got Arya and J-Snow. Arya is all, “You used to be taller,” and J-Snow is like, “You used to seem less like a sociopath.”

Anyway, they bond over Arya’s sword and he’s like, “Have you ever used it?” And she’s just like -

And then J-Snow is like, ‘Look at us, we have swords, we have so much in common, also ISN’T SANSA A BITCH?” And Arya’s just like -

KING’S LANDING

So Cersei is literally dressed like this.

when Uncle Freddie Mercury struts into the Throne Room, and this time he’s brought Jon Bon Jovi along for the ride.

HEY, GURL! So Cersei’s pretty stoked that she has Bon Jovi’s army, but also a little bit like -

Meanwhile, Uncle Freddie’s just got one thing on his mind.

And after putting up a little bit of a fight, Cersei is just like -

And then we just cut to Bronn Piece of Fucking Shit in the middle of this -

when Maester Frankenstein bursts in all -

So the Boob Ladies have gotta go, but not before one of the craziest things ever to happen on this show goes down. First one of the Ladies goes to Maester Frankenstein all -

And then he literally says, “Poor girl. The pox will take her within the year.”

Yeah, glad we’re spending time on this. Anyway, I guess Cersei like... wants Bronn to kill Jaime and P-Dinky. Sure. Next.

Cersei is post-coital and all she can think about is -

While Uncle Freddie is just like, “Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,” and she’s just like -

Meanwhile, outside on Uncle Freddie’s ship, all the guards are suddenly like -

except legit one of them already has a fucked-up eye before he gets shot. I’m not even kidding, check it back... so I guess, no harm no foul? Anyway, it turns out it’s Theon rescuing his sister. And clearly we’re supposed to all be like -

But instead it’s kinda like -

Like. So easy that they steal a bunch of Uncle Freddie’s ships. Again. Like, Freddie. Get on your shit.

WINTERFELL

Back here, Varys is singing my favorite Harry Styles song.

While D-Baby and J-Snow are running around like -

Like truly has there ever been a piece of entertainment so sure we are invested in a couple and so wrong as Thrones is with these two?

But gird your loins, people because D-Baby is like “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta RIDE MY FUCKING DRAGON.” So J-Snow is like -

and then it just turns into this -

meets this -

Because when your lead actors don’t have chemistry, it’s best to surround them with CGI gobbledegook and then make them say the most fuckboy of fuckboy things ever. J-Snow: It’s cold up here for a southern girl. D-Baby: So keep your queen warm.

Anyway, back to the real show.

Much better. So it’s time for the second leg of the Arya Reunion Tour. We’ve got the Hound. We’ve got Gendry. And the Hound is all, “You left me for dead.” And Arya’s all, “Nuh-uh, first I stole that PAPER.” And the Hound is like -

“Peace.” So then it’s just Gendry and Arya. And Gendry’s all, “Gurl you look GOOD.” And Arya’s like, “Yo I hate being called milady except when it’s YOU ON THE OTHER END.” And I’m literally like SALIVATING for these two to just BONE already.

But first Arya shows him some shitty drawing and is like, “Can you make this?” And he’s like -

So then we get to what winds up being the best part of the episode, which is the only time that term can be applied to anything relating to Samwell Tarly. I know, I’m just as surprised as you. So D-Baby struts in to see him and she’s all, “You’re the man.”

And she’s like, “Sure. I mean the man who healed Ser Jorah! THANKS FOR THAT!”

“Oh, also, by the way. I literally burnt your father alive.” And Sam’s all -

But then he’s like, “Wait, but now I can move back in with my brother!”

And she’s like, “Okay so I burnt him alive as well.”

So Sam’s like -

So he’s having a bad day, right? Like it’s horrible enough that he has to deal with this shit, and when he goes outside he almost gets hit by a fucking wagon, but the worst of the worst is that he winds up running straight into -

And it’s like BRAN! WHY HAVE YOU BECOME THE WEIRD WALDORF KID WHO CUTS HIS OWN HAIR AND LISTENS TO WAY TOO MUCH COLDPLAY?!?! AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST SITTING HERE?!?!

Ugh, whatever. So he’s like, “Sam. It’s time to tell Jon the truth.” And Sam’s like, “Oh, bitch, you bet it fucking is.” So he storms down to J-Snow and tells him the two words he needs to hear most.

THE LAST HEARTH

So Ginger Wildling and Eyepatch Dude somehow survived the Wall falling.

And they’re wandering around this place we’ve never been before all -

When suddenly they run into a bunch of Night’s Watch people and That Night’s Watch Dude Who’s Been Around forever shouts the thing I thought all Oscar season about Bradley Cooper -

“STAY BACK! HE’S GOT BLUE EYES!”

But then everybody chills the fuck out and they go into this room where this little dead boy is the centerpiece of some bizarre art installation by the Night Queen.

And they’re like, “Notice the use of light” when suddenly the dead little boy is like -

and they’re like -

Which makes for Child Burning #2 on this show. So that’s good.

WINTERFELL

Okay, so then we’ve got Mysterious Hooded Figure approaching the castle. And I’m like... “Melisandre?” And the show’s like...

And I’m like... “Littlefinger?!?” And the show’s like...

And I’m like... “Beyonce?!?” And the show’s like...

And I’m like -

Until he looks over. And who else should he see but -

This fucking kid.

BOOB COUNT: 3 pairs BODY COUNT: 1 (RIP Ned Umber, whoever the fuck you are) EPISODE GRADE: B-

Okay, so this spot used to be reserved for SER POUNCE’S STRAY THOUGHTS, but then D&D announced Ser Pounce is dead because they’re cruel bastards. So I announce the installation of:

THE SER POUNCE MEMORIAL FOR STRAY THOUGHTS

I was one hundred percent down with the echoes of the pilot episode - Arya clocking the little boy watching the procession just as she had, the scoring. I typically hate when movies or shows repeat earlier stuff in their home stretches, but this was well-done and satisfying nostalgia porn.

Why do we continue these ball jokes? Does anybody genuinely think they’re funny anymore? ANSWER ME!!!

There’s a long linger on Bran’s first look at Daenerys. I suppose this could be because he knows she’s Jon’s aunt, but maybe he knows something else in her future. But also who gives a fuck, Bran’s nuts.

Okay, so this Tyrion trusting Cersei shit - there’s gotta be something going on here, because I don’t believe for a second Tyrion would believe she’d actually come unless he, as suspected, struck some kind of deal with her. He says, “She has something to live for now,” which ties back to the moment we cut away from their scene last year. Could he have made some sort of deal about the baby? As in he will fight for the Lannister lineage? I don’t know what this means yet, but I will justify hardcore when the show starts making Tyrion look like a fucking dumbass.

It’s so frustrating that Jon is right - everybody does need to work together - and yet he seems to not accept that it’s completely valid that people should be challenging his leadership tactics after botching two military operations the last two seasons. I’m so over him.

Harry Strickland’s entrance with 6 episodes left feels suspect. Let us not forget that in the books there is the other Aegon who is represented by the Golden Company. We don’t know where that plotline is going, but it’s very possible Strickland is this character incognito, and that he will ultimately be the one to kill Cersei. He has only a few moments in this episode, but his looks at Cersei and the Red Keep are quite loaded.

I hate no character more than Bronn and I am also certain no character will survive more than Bronn.

Moments like the elephant shit turn these characters into campy weirdos that make me wonder if D&D even like these people at all.

I suppose I’m mildly interested in the fact that Cersei has so alienated herself from everyone that she has to turn to Euron for the tiniest bit of comfort. But then I remember that Euron is one of the most lazily-written villains ever and I stop caring.

Boy, the buildup for the Theon rescue mission was so great and boy, the payoff was lousy.

“I don’t know how to ride a dragon.” “Nobody does, until they ride a dragon.” Television writing - so easy a fourth grader could do it.

Dragon doesn’t like Jon kissing Daenerys. Does dragon want to fuck Daenerys?

As much as Sansa is calling Jon on the carpet about his allegiance with Daenerys and his seeming ineptitude at leading, she has even more grounds to be pissed off than she’s showing here. I’m hopeful that we are meant to side with her and that it isn’t the show just giving Jon another free pass for being the de facto “hero” of the show.

And the MVP of the episode shockingly goes to John Bradley, who is heartbreaking in his scene with Daenerys. Moreover, combining the Targaryen reveal to Jon with the notion that Jon may be turning a blind eye to Daenerys’ more psychopathic tendencies sets up a really interesting conflict that hopefully the rest of the season cashes in on. And having it come from the one person Jon knows wouldn’t lie to him made it all the more powerful.

“My father was the most honorable man I ever met” - the words of denial

“You gave up your crown to save your people. Would she do the same?”

So obviously the Bran stuff is just a fucking lost cause at this point. But even I will admit the symmetry of the ending with Jaime took me by surprise and gave me chills. I’m not a monster.

NEXT WEEK: Jaime’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.

#gameofthrones #forthethrone #winterfell #jonsnow #daenerys targaryen #season8 #hbo

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miasswier · 5 years

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miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 38

38: Wheels

Written by: Ryan Murphy Directed by: Paris Barclay

Overall Thoughts: How in the world did I forget how incredible this episode is?!?!?!! I remember all the awesome things that happen in this episode, but somehow forgot that they all happen in this episode – for some reason I thought Defying Gravity was in “Ballad”? I don’t even know. Anyway, this episode is absolutely fantastic, but I’m going to head straight into what I like about it because I don’t want to repeat myself too much!

What I Like:

This is the first episode of Glee that actually feels like we’re watching an ensemble show. Artie and Kurt get their own subplot, and Tina gets a little bit of the spotlight too. Also, Puck and Quinn get to interact for a solid two or three minutes throughout this episode without either Finn or Rachel getting involved. And Will isn’t as central to the plot! It’s honestly fantastic

The introduction of Becky Jackson, who would become one o f the most hilarious characters in all of Glee. It’s really interesting seeing her here, and how different she is from how she ends up. You can definitely see Sue’s influence on her, and while in some areas it’s a bad thing, overall I think it was really good for her. She ends the series with so much confidence that it’s absolutely blinding, and I think the way Sue treats her really helps her.

Sue calling Will out for being ableist in the guise of being open-minded. Becky very clearly has no problems with Sue telling her she needs to improve, and she also responds to her in a way that no other Cheerio ever does – she straight up tells Sue that she’s trying, but it’s difficult. No other Cheerio ever says anything like that to Sue. Even though we watch Becky grow in her confidence and independence, you can already see the seeds of that here. Seriously, I just absolutely adore Becky Jackson and her relationship with Sue, and I’m totally willing to fight people who don’t.

The scene with Puck and Quinn “baking”. This is honestly the scene that made me fall in love with these two as a couple. It’s adorable, it’s hilarious, and it’s really, really sweet. I think it’s the first time in the whole show that we actually see Quinn genuinely happy. It’s refreshing.

Puck calling Finn out on his shit, how he’s always complaining about how hard this is on him but never seems to realize that it’s a thousand times harder for Quinn. The fact that it took five whole episodes of Quinn being pregnant before somebody asked “what about how she’s feeling” is really sad, though.

Burt sticking up for Kurt and not taking any of Will’s bullshit.

Burt being faced with the reality that Kurt is being bullied, and probably will be bullied for the rest of his life. It’s an emotional scene, and while it’s nice to see Burt tell Kurt that “nobody pushes the Hummel’s around”, you can also see how it’s just hitting him that Kurt doesn’t have it easy, and will never have it easy, all because other people are narrow minded and stupid. He never once blames Kurt or asks him to stop being himself – in fact, he encourages Kurt to continue being himself, and seems legitimately angry when Kurt admits he flubbed the note. It’s really refreshing, coming from the guy who “isn’t in love with the idea” of his son being gay and isn’t ready to have a conversation about Kurt and guys yet.

Kurt being willing to sacrifice a solo because he doesn’t want his father to be hurt by the bullying he faces. I feel like this really defines a huge part of Kurt’s character, and it’s nice to see him becoming fleshed out.

Will drawing attention to the fact that McKinley High isn’t accessible, and Artie wanting to use the Glee bake sale money to build a ramp in the auditorium. I’m really glad that they touched on the issue of accessibility without getting too “life is hard enough for Artie as it is can’t we make it just a little easier for him?”, which I find a lot of shows, movies, and books tend to do. They focus wasn’t on how hard Artie’s life is because he’s in a wheelchair, it was on the fact that the lack of accessibility in the school is what makes his life harder. He isn’t the problem the – the school is.

Brittany openly and honestly being friends with Becky – not because she feels pity for her, but because she actually likes her. I have no idea how this Brittany eventually turned into the awful, mean-spirited Brittany that we were subjected to throughout most of seasons 3 and 4. I feel like people always want to focus on Quinn’s character assassination but honestly, this show did Brittany so dirty.

I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with the scene between Tina and Artie at the end. I do think they’re super cute and super sweet, and the scene definitely has that tone. Tina revealing that she doesn’t have a stutter and doesn’t feel like she has to keep faking because now she’s in Glee and doesn’t want to push people away is sweet, but I also really appreciate that Artie calls her out when she says that they’re the same, because he’s right, when it comes to this, they’re not. He can’t fake the fact that he’s in a wheelchair, and it was unfair of her to act like they have something in common because of a speech impediment that she’s been faking for years. That being said…

Things I Don’t Like:

… it’s not like Tina gets to fake being Asian. Artie acts like because Tina doesn’t have a stutter she suddenly isn’t a minority and doesn’t know what it’s like to be discriminated against. To be fair to Artie, though, Glee never really addressed race issues on a large scale, and was honestly full of microaggressions and just… overall had a very bad, very ugly relationship with race. So it’s not like Artie is specifically being ignorant (and I mean, for fucks sake, he’s a fourteen-year-old, I don’t expect him to be completely knowledgeable on intersectionality and oppression), it’s just how Glee rolls. It still rubs me the wrong way, though.

Small addition to that, who the fuck has their first date in their high school after hours? Why?

The fact that we finally get to see some of the everyday struggles that Artie faces because the school simply isn’t accessible, but it’s shown through a montage of Finn and Rachel struggling with these things.

Finn and Rachel using a fake disability in order to get Finn a job. That is honestly so disgusting and gross, I can’t even begin to explain how awful it is. Ugh.

Quinn making no effort to get a job herself, but insisting that Finn do so. Look, I’m usually on Quinn’s side in this whole story, but in this episode she is honestly being quite unreasonable. Especially considering Finn isn’t actually the father of her baby, and she knows that full well.

Rachel acting like she deserves the solo that was literally handed to her. If you don’t work for something you can’t get mad when it’s taken away. Also, that line where she’s like “maybe one day you’ll find a way to create teaching moments without ruining my life” makes me roll my eyes SO HARD. How is Will supposed to ever teach anybody anything if you demand all of his attention and every single song ever sung? For fucks sake…

Everybody acting like Brittany shouldn’t be hanging out with Becky, and seeming surprised that the two are friends. Fuck off, you assholes.

Songs

Dancing with Myself: Artie’s first real solo. I can’t believe it took nine episodes for us to get this. Artie’s voice is amazing, and this slowed-down version of the song really works. I especially like how the instruments fade away at the end and we see that it’s really just Artie singing alone in the auditorium. It really works to showcase how lonely and isolated he feels. My only issue is that we are forced to watch Will awkwardly creeping. I wish they could have let Artie just have his moment, instead of making it about Will deciding to be Noble.

Defying Gravity: I’m a huge Wicked fan, so this cut version has always sort of irked me, mostly because they cut my favourite part of the song. I also am not really a fan of the Rachel sections of this song (and I’ve never bothered listening to the full Rachel solo version) because I feel like she sounds too much like Idina Menzel and what’s the point of doing a cover if you just sound exactly like the original singer? The format of it for the diva-off is cool, though, and Kurt sounds awesome. It really does suck that they forced him to mess up the note when Chris Colfer specifically wanted to sing this song.

Proud Mary: I love this song! The energy is awesome, and I feel like it’s the first real group number that we get. The choreography is awesome, and the outfits are adorable. Really a fantastic way to end a fantastic episode.

#ultimate glee ranking

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purkinje-effect · 5 years

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The Anatomy of Melancholy, 19

Table of Contents Go to first. Go to previous. Go to next.

Drugs, decomp, insects/parasitism, myiaisis, emeto, myso, copro TW’s. I’m pretty sure this is the grossest thing I’ve ever written. Enjoy

Skin tight hypoxia gripped Melancholy’s scalp. He wheezed for breath, jerking upright in a coughing fit of salt and rancor. Face still coated in a thick grime, his eyes and nose burned almost as bad as his lungs, and he pulled off his glasses to claw the muck off his face. A rasping coughing fit seized him, only for his stomach to lay out its objections to his activities right into his lap. Everything crawled inside-out with haptic echoes of a phantom myiasis. His diaphragm continued to spasm, adding hiccups to the mix of torture.

The second time he vomited, blood spotted the rejection.

“Fuck, it took you long enough.” Jared snatched him up by the back of his collar and threw him into an office chair. He jammed a shop rag into his hand with bitter, mocking pity. “Does the chemist need some water?”

“--’Zhemoy,” ‘Choly choked out, breathing still unsteady. “I could have-- I could have died.”

“But you didn’t.”

A jar of water found the chemist’s hands, and he immediately without hesitation squinted his eyes and mouth taut and poured some of it down his face. He then poured out a bit into the other side of the rag and did his best to work the ordure loose. Unable to smell anything but the penetrating musk of brahmin dung, he distrusted his ability to gauge the safeness of the water he’d been handed, and did not use it to try to drown the hiccups. Once he got his eyes rid of enough rheum-muck, he opened them, and used the remaining water to wash off his glasses. He dared not look to Jared, to confirm his appearance.

“Look, chemist. You’re going to retain your value to me. I’ve invested too much in you. What’s a more potent dose than the raw source itself? I watched you just now, writhing like the insect you are. That had to be the most intense flight I’ve seen in my life. --Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

‘Choly trembled and shook his head, wringing his hands in his lap and feeling very small. Attentive flies crawled all over him, and diligent maggots did their best to rid his clothing of grime. He squinted his eyes shut and tried his best not to fall into hyperventilating.

“Please, no. No--”

“Do you at least know where you are, you little fuck? You’re sitting in my office. At my terminal. And you’re not going anywhere until you write down everything that you just experienced.”

He slowly picked up his head in the direction of the desk, and stared hollowly at the computer screen. Loathing overwhelmed him in the moment and he shrank from the terminal with a low whine, only to force himself to square up to it, and shrink away, several times. At last he put his glasses back on his face, and recognized at least his hiccups had resolved.

Jared glared at the back of his head until he was goodly confident ‘Choly was committed to the journal entry.

Flies. Flies on everything. Cleaning everything. Righting it all. Devoted. Diligent. I don’t know where they’re coming from. Are they coming from Jared? Jared’s face... He became the largest bloatfly I’ve ever seen. Drooling, adamant mouthparts. Piercing compound eyes. His bloated body teemed with lichinka. Ready for my supplication. Everything was so tight. Flesh sluicing from my belly as they wriggled out to crown my pudenda like a coronation of sex. Appetent. Purifying. Perpetual. Purulent. I was so purulent. But I wouldn’t be for long.

They took me with them when they transfigured into mature bloatflies. A piece of my consciousness arose in each of them, a cloud of rapture. I was present in everything, humble to debride the world of its entropy. Multiplying in a golden mean forever. Everything could be clean.

Sweat drenched him in hard loathing, and he heaved as he saved his draft. He couldn’t get more explicit than that. It hurt his head too much to try to put to words what he had seen. Every time he took Jet, it seemed the conjugating theme was maggot therapy. This was the first time it had brought him a genuine state of entheogeny, and he rubbed at his upper arms in displeasure of coming down from it. Everything felt so... lifeless as the halo of activity faded away. His head hurt. His everything hurt.

In the time it had taken for him to compose the journal requested of him, he found that Jared had excused himself. The wheelchair was still out on the assembly line floor, and divorced of it ‘Choly couldn’t muster the faculty or energy to get himself to it. And he was a combination of too tired and too filthy to simply doze off. So, to keep himself entertained, he turned again to the terminal, only to realize that Jared had left it logged on as the administrator.

He’d never read Jared’s journals before, and he wondered if anyone in the outfit had. Absently biting his lip refreshed the rancid tang that stained his face, and he flinched. He looked over his shoulder to make sure Jared wasn’t even out on the foreman’s mezzanine that overlooked the assembly floor, then went into his journals. He jumped around basing his choices on the titles of each file, and began with one called ‘Setting Up Shop.’

Gunfire’s finally quieted down. Suppose that means either Lonnie or Gristle wiped up the last of the feral ghouls or they’re currently serving as someone’s meal.

But Lexington is secure, I can finally get to work.

Well, ‘Choly thought, somebody sure became the ferals’ meal in the Super Duper Mart. They didn’t look at all the part to belong to Jared’s outfit, though. He opened ‘Subjects.’

It’s not the chems.

They’re just a trigger for the sight. It’s me. I’m the problem. Wish I’d realized before my arms looked like pin-cushions, but at least it’s a new lead.

I need subjects.

The chemist squinted. Jared really did believe that psychedelic drugs could make people legitimately psychic. But injections? 'Choly thought all this nonsense revolved around Jet, an inhalant. ‘Walden’ came next.

The pharmacy across the way lit up like Christmas last week. No clue how that fucker got in my town without anybody noticing, but color me impressed that he managed to restore electricity to that place. I had Jerry case the building, top to bottom, and every way in requires either a key or a password. We’ll have to arrange a little rooftop meeting next time our little showman comes up on the roof to dole out chems with his--rifle? That still slays me.

The part that really gets me is, my outfit tells me he’s in a wheelchair. I’ve only ever seen one other person in the Commonwealth use one. It can’t be a coincidence. I have to talk to him.

Skimming a few more entries, he got a few laughs out of confirmation that Jared didn’t genuinely hate him. At least, not before today. Most mentions of him in Jared’s journals involved wanting desperately to flip ‘Choly’s ‘vision’ the ‘right direction.’ Then there was ‘Experiments Continue,’ and his face slacked.

Still no successes but the rumor of free chems has brought plenty of new recruits. Ranks are nearly back up to where they were before we cleaned out Lexington. Lonnie thinks entertaining the chemist is a waste of time, says we need to spend our time building up our defenses.

But Lonnie doesn’t make the decisions. I do.

She does seem to be enjoying her new position, though. Maybe another dose of Psycho will get her visions firing.

‘Choly’s hand went to his mouth at the mention of cyclomorphine, and he sank back in his seat. Jared had access to Psycho, and was trying to jog hallucinations with it as he’d done of the Jet. The raider leader had told the chemist he’d had no interest in branching out into other drugs until they’d done comprehensive work with Jet first. Knowing what Jared had told him before this most recent trip, had the raider simply gotten impatient without any results yet, or was something more sinister taking place here? Holy God how did he get his hands on that stuff... He hadn’t wanted to find anything compelling, incriminating or otherwise, and he pressed on, haunted, with the most recent entry: ‘Stumped.’

Nothing is working. The old woman, she used to just huff some Jet, pop some pills, then she’d start babbling, spouting vision after vision. And they all turned out true. The Raiders burning the town, killing the parents, stealing the kids. Stealing me. I remember the look in her eyes when she saw my fate. “Kid, you’re gonna be a monster.” All true.

If I could get that sort of power, that sight, the Commonwealth, the other gangs. No one would have a prayer.

But nothing’s working. Maybe I need to try upping the dosages. I’ll have to talk with the chemist and see how potent we can get.

“You’re gonna be a monster,” he mouthed, his soul flying from his body.

There was no other explanation in ‘Choly’s haunted grey matter, than that this soothsaying junkie had seen ‘Choly’s hallucinations of Jared becoming a bloatfly. Of course Jared’s interested in developing psychic abilities for power alone. Of course he is.

'Choly backed out to the main screen, and returned to the ‘Melancholy 8′ entry from the holotape in the disc deck, so the terminal would be open to it. The more rational explanation was that this woman had indicated a monstrosity of character, but ‘Choly just couldn’t quit the thought as he reread what he’d written. Context meant everything. Over... and over... and...

“Hey, chemist, you’re still at it? Fuck, you’re taking forever.”

‘Choly jerked in his seat, snapped out of his lucid horror by Jared’s return.

“I, yeah. Yeah, I’m done.” He looked to Jared, to find him still entirely human, and he sighed out his relief a little too readily. The raider had brought the wheelchair, folded up. Pushing away from the desk in the rolling chair, ‘Choly began, “I very much hope this stuff doesn’t come true, and very much hope it’s ridiculous that it ever could.”

Jared leaned down to skim what ‘Choly had written, and his features alternated from hardened to ridiculous. He barked a laugh and slapped ‘Choly in the head, only to continue laughing, almost in tears.

“You are a horny little fuck...”

“I haven’t gotten any in over two centuries.” He let out a small laugh, realizing he’d inadvertently referenced facts which had precipitated Jared’s prior behavior. “I suppose that has a lot to do with it.”

With a delirious sigh, Jared smiled at him and gesticulated emphatically as he spoke next.

“I’ve been thinking, and I have to ask. In some of your other journals, you’ve talked about using some pistol in the same way you use your rifle. A... Nagant? I know it’s total bollocks that you’d have these... bloatfly maggots or whatever you hallucinate every time. Those things are like a dick joke. Having ‘em in the gun’s like, a metaphor for fucking everything under the sun or something. And you getting intimate, up close and personal, with that thing. Real raunchy. ...Is that a real gun you’re talking about? Or is it a vapor just like everything else in that fucked up little head of yours?”

The chemist straightened, and thought how to reply as he slowly wrung his hands in his lap.

“I... yes, and no. The gun is real, but the ammunition and its ability to fire them aren’t.” He stopped making eye contact. “It’s a Russian revolver I found, some vet’s war prize I guess. Takes 7.62′s, but fuck if you’ll ever likely put your hands on any. I can’t think of any regular issue American guns that use it, and the military only let vets have the weapon itself as a trophy--the ammo itself was considered contraband. I only really know the basics when it comes to actually breaking down and futzing with the mechanics of a firearm, but I suppose it’s... entirely plausible to make it work like my syringer rifle.”

Jared squinted at him, unsure whether ‘Choly was being an idiot.

“You can’t put darts in a pistol, revolver or not. Just the combustion in the chamber will destroy it.”

“The Nagant... is different. It’s a gas-seal revolver. It fires the ammo through air pressure, and relies only partly on combustion. I would imagine there’s a way to rig it to rely completely on a pneumatic mechanism. 7.62mm isn’t too far off from the ammo a syringer rifle uses, either.”

“Where is this... Nagant.”

‘Choly made a funny face and shook his head in a vague confusion. Suddenly, it didn’t feel like Jared was trying to confirm facts about a Jet journal.

“I have it stored someplace safe. What, why?”

“I’m very good with metalworking equipment, and very good with firearms. Been playing around with the assembly plant amenities for close to a year, and I grew up in Quincy. You’ve seen how good I am, from how we cooperated putting together the Jet rig. I could take a look at it. And I could probably make it happen. Give it ammo it can use. Make it proud again.”

‘Choly stiffened, recalling that Jared’s journals indicated he had access to Psycho--at least at one point--and he couldn’t imagine a worse outcome. But gradually, his judgment got the better of him and he nodded, then nodded eagerly.

“I’ll bring it tomorrow. So you can look at it.”

The moment the words came from him, he regretted it. And yet, Jared seemed more pleased with him than he’d ever been. With his help ‘Choly transferred over to the now unfolded wheelchair, and Jared escorted him down the mezzanine ramp to meet Angel.

“My stars you’ve gotten most filthy, Mister Carey!” Its tendrils flailed about in utmost concern before taking up the handles and motoring him along. “Shall I help you bathe upon arriving home? I scarce would think you could scrub all that away on your own.”

As they exited, Jared called out after him, “Melancholy! Don’t you forget your promise.”

He shot Jared an o-kay with one tired hand, not looking back.

“Angel, I... I think this warrants a dip in the river. We’ll stop at the pharmacy for the toiletries, I guess.”

“But Sir, you’ll be soaking wet all the way home. You haven’t come across a change of clothes. I should know. You deserve a freshening up.”

“I... have a change of clothes,” he began, almost reluctantly. “Don’t worry about that much. It’s in your storage compartment, actually.”

They fell silent the rest of the way back to the Lexington Walden, to limit any likelihood of stirring unwanted ghoul attention. On the way to their pit stop, all ‘Choly could wonder was whether Jared were more pleased with the journal entry, or with the promise of a new toy for his inhumane scheming... and he couldn’t help but wonder why he was so attentive to gain the favor of this abomination.

He’d given Melancholy everything he could have wanted. But at what price?

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#fallout 4 #fallout 4 fanfic #fallout fanfic #fo4 fanfic #the anatomy of melancholy #the purkinje effect #melancholy

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noramoya · 6 years

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“ Michael would get between 50 and 60 extortion attempts per year. Most of them were paternity. Women claiming that Michael was the father of their child, and a whole bunch of other ones were over music. Somebody had written a song or something and they claimed that Michael had stolen their music or their words. All of those things got thrown out of court because once they got to court, they couldn’t back it up. I’ve never met anybody who was more well-adjusted or more normal. He was just such a normal guy. So intellectual and so bright and so normal. He was an absolutely fabulous father. I’ve never met a parent that is as good or better than Michael. Those kids were an absolute delight! I’ve never met kids in my life that were like those kids. I spent a lot of extended time around them. I never heard them cry, I never heard them beg for anything, never saw or heard them throw a fit…” “He was just so genuine and so warm and so caring. All of the time I knew Michael, almost 20 years, I never ever heard him raise his voice at anybody. Never happened. He was just such a good person. Just a really deep-down good person. Michael spent a third of a billion dollars on helping children, paying for surgeries, building hospital wings, orphanages, a burn center and on and on and on. The good things he did he would never talk about them. You’d always have to hear it from people who were around him, because Michael always thought if you did a charitable act and then you talked about it or bragged about it or something, all of the good you’re trying to do, that it negated all of that. So he never would talk about those things. […] I asked him, ‘Michael, how can you do that? How can you spend the time with these children who are dying and then go from that, on stage and give that kind of performance?’ He said, ‘How could I not? If these children want to see me. I know I’m not important, but Michael Jackson the superstar is, and if I can make a child live an extra minute or an hour or a day or a month, then wouldn’t that be worth it?’ Michael was always that way. If he would get a call from somebody and a child was dying, he would get on a plane and go and he would tell them, 'I’m going to be back in 2 weeks to see you,’ and a lot of times he extended little kids’ lives that way. It gave them something to look forward to down the line. You have to admire something like that.” “Michael told me, 'We’re all put on earth to do something’ He said 'I was put here to help children.’ Which he did from the time I met him, he was 29 when I met him, that was what his life was all about. It was that way all the way up to the time he died. Michael never changed. Michael had incredible empathy, especially (for) children that were injured or sick or neglected. There were people that were hungry and homeless and that was always in the front of his mind his whole life, and then to be accused of something so horrific, it just stopped him in his tracks and then when it happened again 10 years later, the man was devastated, absolutely devastated.” “Oh, God, no. We had many talks about that (his looks). He had that inner light and he always considered himself to be extremely ugly. He said he’s not a handsome man. 'That’s why I don’t do interviews and I don’t go on talk shows.’ He said 'First of all, I don’t lead an interesting life, I work all of the time.’ (and that’s what he did, he worked all of the time). He never did really understand that he had that inner light. Sitting and talking to Michael I would look into his eyes and I could see for 1,000 miles. He had these most incredible eyes. They come off good on film, but nothing like in person. When you’re actually sitting across there looking at him. Those eyes were unbelievable. There were times it would just stop me in my tracks and there were times I’d be around him where I’d kind of forget who he was and then it would dawn on me….'I’m sitting here next to Michael Jackson.’ I never really got over that. There were times he would do these quick little step things and they were like lightening. It was just so quick, so precise and just amazing.” “I never, ever heard Michael complain about himself, about his health or anything else. Any concerns he had were always about his kids. Even when he was facing prison in the last trial, any time he talked about that, he was so concerned, 'What’s going to happen to my kid?’ But never once did he say 'What’s going to happen to me? How about me?’ He wasn’t a “me” kind of person. He was always thinking about other people. (I would say to him) 'Why do you let them make up all of this crap about you?’ and he said, 'First of all, if you’re going to be in this business and you’re going to be as visible as I am, these are the things they do. No matter what you say, you’re not going to stop these people from doing this stuff.’ But, that also led to his downfall because he did not speak up early enough.“ They treated him without any respect for the fact that he’s a human being and his whole life has been based on doing good deeds. Like, how can you do that to this poor man?” “Michael would say, 'I’m so fortunate that God chose me to have this talent and I have to use it in the right way.’ He always said, 'I could be working at a gas station.’ He always was (in awe he was given that) and always grateful and felt privileged that he was given this talent and so wanting to use the gift that he gave the right way, which he did and he did it his whole life. […] He absolutely loved the [Neverland] ranch. It was the place that he could go. It was 2700 or 2800 acres. We could drive around, we could drive golf carts, we could walk in the woods, and not worry about fans trying to run him down or anything. He could just be by himself. The children that came to the ranch…all the rides and everything there was wheelchair accessible. Everything was modified. All the rides were modified too. He had extra cages built, so arms couldn’t flop out or hair couldn’t flop out and get caught in something. He was concerned about the safety. The guys that ran the rides…they went to Kansas City every 6 months and took special training to be able to extracate physically challenged children. All those bases were covered and even up in the theatre, there were 2 rooms and there were glass walls that had hospital beds set up so that critically ill children could sit in the hospital bed and watch the movie. He thought of everything.” “Then of course, I noticed, because he didn’t have any makeup on, I noticed the Vitiligo. It was on the right hand side of his face and down his neck and also on the back of his hand. I don’t remember which one. I don’t know how far it went up his arm because he had a long sleeve shirt on, but I noticed the Vitiligo and as time went on, the Vitiligo spread and spread and spread and it was difficult for him when he had to appear in public or perform, to get the right kind of makeup, because…that skin was white, not like Caucasian white. It was white like a refrigerator, snow white. In the beginning, he did use darker makeup to cover that, but then as it spread, it got more and more difficult to make that white skin the color of the rest of his skin, so he would have to go to lighter and lighter and lighter makeup. Of course the press got on him about that, about trying to be white. Which is the farthest thing from the truth. Michael never wanted to be white. He was proud of who he was and where he came from, but he had no choice. The one thing he never ever did, he never complained about it. He had every right to.” “The way he lived changed as soon as he got the kids. He was so concerned about their safety. He always worried they would be kidnapped or harmed in some way or taken hostage for ransom. He called me when Diana died over in London and he was just totally freaked out. He said, 'That could have been me.’ He said, 'We get chased so much,’ and he was so worried. He was worried the kids would have a terrible accident, so that’s why he kept the kids masked because he didn’t want anyone to know what they looked like.” “I asked him up in Denver, 'Do you work out?’ and he said 'No, I should, shouldn’t I?’ He was really guilty about it. I said, 'Hey, whatever you’re doing is working”. He was so much fun to be around. It wasn’t all darkness. We’d laugh so much. He had a great sense of humor, loved practical jokes….We’d be walking along and he’d break out into song. But not like Michael Jackson. He would sing like it was a man in the shower, just singing. I hated to see that joy go out of his life because he was a very joyful person. He was a happy person and just great fun to be around. […] [When I first met him,], he had a red corduroy shirt and black pants on and loafers that were kind of broken down in back. That’s the way he dressed most of the time when I knew him. When he wasn’t in public. He lived so simply. Michael never wore any jewelry, no rings, no belts, no watches, nothing, ever. The only time he wore those things were onstage. I was just so impressed with how simply he lived.” “I don’t know if people are making things up or if they’ve been paid to say things, to give interviews.” (Mr. Nordahl was offered many paid interviews, which he declined). “[They wanted to do the interview] as long as what I talked about was what they wanted to talk about. So, there was a lot of money floating around. Like Star Magazine was traveling around with briefcases full of cash. I never saw Michael with the effects of doing any kinds of drug or alcohol or anything like that, and I saw him all different times of the day. Early in the morning, late at night, all during the day. He was always totally normal. Totally there. So I don’t know. The last couple of years, if that happened to him, I don’t know. There’s so much misinformation about Michael, except for anything I know personally, I just don’t trust it. People are so willing to, I guess to get on TV. I don’t know what it is, but they’re just so willing to offer information. It used to piss Michael off because he would say things like 'I saw an interview with my hairdresser and she’s talking about me and my hairdresser doesn’t know anything about me!’ He kept himself really separated and I got to be really good friends with him so we talked about just about everything that was possible, but for most people, Michael did not do that, just out of fear of people turning around and talking with someone else about it. Private things. I never did. I never gave into those interviews or anything during that time. He felt comfortable with me. He felt we could talk about things and I wouldn’t turn around and talk about things that we were talking about, to other people.” “I spent a lot of time with him during that time, especially after that 2003 thing, and he couldn’t sleep. Michael usually tried to turn in around 11 o'clock and sometimes he’d fall asleep, but even if he did, he’d wake up again and so he’d always ask me, 'Is it okay if I wake you up?’ and I said 'Hell, yeah, come bang on my door,” which he would do, and then he would always worry. He said, 'Oh, you’re not getting any sleep,’ and I said 'Well, if I’m too tired, I’ll go grab a nap in the afternoon.’ We’d just hang out like that in the middle of the night until morning came.” “[I got a car once from the Korean Government]. It was too flashy. That just wasn’t Michael. It wasn’t the way Michael was. [Once,] he asked if I finished [a painting for him] and I said that I’m just about done. I’m just kind of wrapping it up and he said, 'Would you mind driving it over so I can see it?’ I said 'Sure, I’ll do that.’ So I drove over to the recording studio and when I walked in there he grabbed me and said, 'Come on in here,“ and there was like a store room. So we’re standing in this store room and he said 'Those guys are mad at me,’ and I said, 'What happened?’ All these top flight musicians and these guys are used to laying down a track one time...The first time they nail it. Michael’s keeping them there till 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning! Going over and over and over the same passages, you know? Just wearing them out. Michael didn’t feel comfortable until he had explored every avenue, you know what I mean? He had to know if there was a way he could make it a little bit better. He did that not for himself. He did it for his fans. I never met a man who was so consumed with how his fans were being treated. The shows he put on, the concerts, they had to be the best they could possibly be. He wanted people to get their money’s worth.” DAVID NORDAHL , AMERICAN ARTIST AND A LONG TIME FRIEND OF MICHAEL JACKSON .

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hearingmyselftalk · 3 years

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interesting phenomenon, really

the things you learn from the people that you date.

you learn what you like and what you don’t like, what you’ll tolerate and what you absolutely won’t stand for... but something i never thought about until my last relationship is: what are peoples thresholds forreal? and at what point is acknowledging these thresholds the right time to?

what do i mean by thresholds? people’s tolerance, expounded. what are people really willing to put up with when it comes to a boyfriend/girlfriend. you know how people date and joke around and say, “if i were to get into some kind of freak accident and left bound to a wheelchair for the rest of my life, would you still love me?” that’s a super high threshold innit?

if we were to scale a threshold or were to explain different levels of tolerance as scenarios to ME, they would go as follows;

-losing a job -finding out you’re depressed/anxious some other kind of mental ailment -repetitive, never ending, annoying arguments -physical ailment, something long term or something like losing a limb, or facial disfigurement -toxic arguments where there are often low-blows, using something said in confidence to you as a defense, verbal abuse -terminal illness of yourself or direct family members -death of a close family member

along the lines, i’m sure there are other various scenarios that would test a persons tolerance or their threshold for dealing with you like if you murdered someone or, just having too different of opinions or even something smaller (i guess i figure the smaller things would get weeded out earlier because if those things bother you now, you figure you would address them now, but that’s for another time) however, you really have to know the person you’re dealing with.

that’s really my bottom line. it sounds so simple like when you say it outloud, but really, investing so much emotionally and mentally into a person, when it comes down to bullet two, repetitive, annoying never ending fights... i’m just different because one) i believe in picking and choosing your battles and two) i genuinely have thought ive found the person that i would obviously prefer not to have fights with, but if they were gonna be with anybody, they’d be with you...and it doesn’t ever happen like that for me is what i’m trying to say.

i’ve grown EXPONENTIALLY when it comes down to how i handle my relationships. i really really need to work on the whole “leave before you get left” ideology because it’s not working. it just doesn’t work. and that’s not even what i really want. i’m truly a lover, and im a firm believer in fighting for the shit that you really want. nobody ever wants to fight for me though. LOL. i read in mark mansons book unfuck yourself, about being a winner. telling myself we weren’t going to end up together and we would stop talking, is me being me, self sabotaging, and at this point, miss me with manifestation because that shit doesn’t work for me either, but saying that and then it happening is literally me winning. but in the bad way. in the way that mark said that we fuck ourselves. by inadvertently or subconsciously and even really more often than not consciously make decisions and essentially have thoughts that turn into exactly what ends up happening. i end up winning but not really in the way i want.

but then i ask myself, can i even be mad, really? can i? i knew that he wasn’t sure about me for a long time, so i believe i’m equally guilty of knowing the cards could have fell like this. but then the lover in me says, i stayed to see if anything would change, but the reality is, you can’t love someone into loving you. and as much as i wanted to put a lot of ... i don’t want to say blame but a lot of the weight on “a man” knowing about you, right, knowing if you’re “the one” or “her”, but i feel like if you’re in a place where you’re even questioning if you think he’s certain about you, or if you’re ballsy enough and wanna fucking ask, hey, how do you really feel about me, do you feel like i could be right, or am i just for right now, and if he straight up tells you, it ain’t you, you’ve got choices, but one of them ISN’T getting mad at the fact ya’ll break up because he finally decided he didn’t want to be with you anymore.

how mad can you get, can you be, really, right? if you willingly participate and spend time and make yourself available for someone who reciprocates time and energy but not affection. they won’t talk about relationships with you in a realistic way. they speak to you as if everything is up in the air and they have no kind of control or role to play in the situation. you can’t be mad at that. you can’t blame someone for finally making up their mind.

and, speaking of getting mad, you can’t get mad about someone not being sure about spending the rest of their life with you, or even what a future looks like with you, if you yourself can’t even see the future!! make it make sense. the only concrete plan i really have for myself is suicide, and i’m a super high functioning depressive, so that sounds really sad or whatever, but i mean, really, that’s the only thing my mind reverts to whenever i think about the future forreal. even when i’m “happy*”, i don’t ever see me 5 or 10 years from now, like in a better place, happy.

i wonder if that’s because i’m just a negative, miserable ass person, or if, like i’ve said before, my depression just really does not allow me to see into the future. i don’t even like trying to project months time, because fuck, anything could happen. it seems easier to predict negative timelines or realities than positive ones, because my happiness doesn’t really seem to exceed 2 years. and sick of me to frame the basis of my happiness on when i was in relationships but i know me. but really, i don’t see anything when i think about the future, it’s like just this completely blank slate and anything could happen... it’s like im sure ill be alive i guess somewhere but living where? doing what? with who and i had what? nah. it’s just not, realistic, i can’t plan for something i can’t even imagine.

but i don’t know why being in relationships make me happy?? i’ve tried to reason it within myself and i’ve got some pretty solid theories: - weird familial dynamic when it came to showing and expressing love to each other has me desperate for a non obligatory love, that actually caters to my love language - obviously being with someone who makes you feel good and you vibe with and shit literally does shit to your chemically but yeah what the fuck ever -trying to make up for attention i didn’t get when my sister was sick, so i’ve turned to romantic love as an escape, or attach romantic love with feeling happy because i was in a serious relationship with someone when my sister first got sick so having that person to go to made me feel better -unprotected sex -im just a codependent person because i dont have any other friends, hobbies, interests or activities i like to do, so being up under someone and consumed with them gives me something to do -gives me hope?

i think i might really be getting down and into some shit right now... i was going to say to myself well why would being in a relationship give me hope, and i know i was saying that because i often feel worthless and like nobody will love me forreal, but it’s like, why is that the basis of happiness for me? i love love, but love might not really fuck with me forreal because the fact that i even am doing this shit for love, but getting fucked by love, or letting some fuck ass boy tell me i’m worthless like be an end all be all for me... or somebody deciding that they don’t want to be with me or that i’m not the girl they want to spend their life with, why should that bother and break me so bad?

why does that end up being the bottom line or how shit comes back around? i didn’t really attach the fact that i was with someone that made me feel good when i was going through something that would change my life forever. completely. i think this is it. i rely so heavily on relationships as a source of happiness because when i was at my lowest, my relationship made me feel good.

it just dawned on me, i’ve never had a relationship that ended on a healthy amicable note, or that wasn’t overly explosive and “passionate”... and i think i blow up because i associate people i love leaving me, with abandoning me to be back alone with my problems i have due to my sister being sick.

im unpacking these things. that is a completely new concept that i had never thought about or realized before. i knew i was USING relationships to overcompensate.... i remember telling ____ _, i use people/guys im dating as an escape from my reality. when you don’t want to see someone losing their mind, you want to be with anybody that can keep you away from that and make you feel good about yourself. you want to be with and around someone that’s going to make you feel normal.

that’s another thing i’ve been thinking about lately... my lack of knowledge about various kinds of mental health fucked me too. if i had even an inkling that it was a much grander spectrum than crazy socio psycho i would have been better prepared. i blame tv. i blame schools. nowadays, you see advertisements for all kinds of mental health issues. and good for people now to be exposed, but i feel like i was blindsided by not knowing. i would have spent less time being upset about it because i would have known better.

i feel like i kind of just, one day got tossed into that life, or like literally that’s when my season of the truman show, but featuring me was on. and it was just a terrible fucking time in my life.

i started taking some drugs to help, i stopped them though, but they did really work. i just wish i didn’t have to remember them or stay on such a routine about it... i didn’t feel anything at all. and that’s how i would love to feel all the time. just neutral. i remember watching a soldier coming home and surprising their mom or something video and wanted to cry even just happy tears and my body wouldn’t do it. i said i would take a pill before tomorrow, when i’m supposed to be meeting up with the guy who i’ve spent the out of the last 16 months? all but 3 collectively (if you added up all the single days out of the last 16 months, it would probably equate to 3 months i did not see this person), and now we don’t talk. i’m crushed but also ^^^ ????? you see what the fuck i’m talking about. i can’t be mad.

that’s really what i keep saying to myself. literally, everyday i tell myself. “he’s going to talk to, and have sex with, and date, and kiss and talk to other people. he probably is now. he is going to date her for a couple of months, make her his girlfriend, they will get engaged, or have a baby and that is what will happen because we are 30 and that’s what happens when you’re 30. you find someone else and you just move on” no joke. i say that to myself everyday. it really helps too, because when we first stopped talking, i used to get the worst gut wrenching anxiety, to the point i would feel like i was going to throw up. thinking about him with someone else, laying up with someone else, exploring and just doing the little shit with someone else, it stings, but i did get through typing out that off the script part of my mantra about the reality of dating without my stomach turning too much.

my body had been tried to tell me to get out. and i ignored it for so long. i don’t think we would rekindle this relationship. if it was up to him we would never talk about it again, and we would actually probably never talk again. if i see him tomorrow, if he doesn’t flake on me. i know the whole vibe will be different. i know he won’t try to sit next to me or want to talk about it. i’m just going to be coming over as a friend, to smoke and watch black monday.

the real test will be going into his crib and sitting in his presence, it’s been over a month, and my stomach is actually going crazy thinking about that, but again, that’s my ever active imagination. i’ve always had one, even as a kid. thinking up literally the most dramaticized versions of situations that would never ever ever fucking happen, like really like some only in the movies shit and even then it would be a fucking corny ass cringey ass movie. im getting queasy thinking about some shit and how awkward it will be, and he’ll end up texting me to cancel the whole shit before this misery can actually play itself out. lmao.

it hurts to feel replaceable when we were so cool though. and honestly, dating him is a regret i actually have. i regret that, forreal. i would have preferred to just have been friends. because knowing what i know and have been known, that i was i never her, i always knew that wasn’t going to magically change for me, even if i played along and put on the monkey suit. it was always on some “im just tryna see” shit.... it’s like why even mix shit up or get so involved? i knew he didn’t know, he knew he didn’t know, we both knew he didn’t know, and the conversation “youre either gonna accept it, and stay or leave” it’s literally so fucking insulting but when you actually fuck around and accept it and stay, that’s when you’re sick and you fucked up on some real shit. but when you’re thinking to yourself “if i leave, this nigga won’t care” and like you KNOW, leaving would only prove yourself right... you really just feel stupid.

but that’s really my thing though. at the end of the day, i was really fed up, ready to get the fuck on and be over it. i was mad and upset and talking crazy and real slick, but after a few weeks i would have reached back out to him like i dont want beef, and i legitimately don’t think i would be here now dwelling on shit. it’s like i was already out the door right, like, i had all my shit, my coat, keys, phone, wallet, mask, feelings, everything. i had never been so ready to be out in mY LIFEEEE... and then it’s like you went and did the one thing i put emphasis on meaning something to me and like at an attempt to grasp straws or like not lose the fight, you did that, and then turned around and flipped on me and now treat me like i said fuck your mother, eat shit, i hope you die.... i’m just confused. that’s why im torn like am i really not shit... or do the people i meet and glorify really just be terrible people? i kind of think just off the fact that he did that, i shouldn’t talk to him ever again. to practically beg me to not stop talking to you, it like literally feels like you only did that shit so that YOU could be the one breaking things off. and that’s beyond petty to me. it’s super vindictive, and like we say shit is mean, and people are mean, but like in the context of things, doing something especially specific to someone that to them means you care, and then renege on that, you might as well had just spit in my face forreal.

i have a feeling stronger now, that we won’t link up tomorrow.

link. lol. at 3:50 IN THE MORNING he texted me asking me about this stick figure dancing really silly that i sent it to him talking about thats how i dance in his kitchen, and it’s hard to think he wasn’t up after having just fucked someone and probably saw something similar to that and was dying laughing thinking about the one i sent... so when i sent it to him, he asked for a link to it, probably because the screenshot of the video i sent had me laughing in it or something, and he couldn’t show that to the new girl bc “he texted a “friend” (non gender specific) and they had the video and wanted to see if they still had it”

but a goofy i am that i thought he mayyyy have meant link with me, with all that extra emphasis, and of course, when i replied in extra innocent confusion, i don’t have the link only a screen recording.. he said oh. lol.

when we decided to stop talking in general it was goofy. i email him saying i miss you, he unblocks my number and texts me somewhere between i miss you too and im pissed off still and so we talk and he’s like oh i spent this last week hating you for no reason and yadda yadda and then that segways into me talking about us being done, and he goes “why are you so finite about everything, i need to time to just sit and think” just to still turn around in the same day and be like yeah naw we don’t talk now. everything is a mixed message, but i’m just gonna chalk it i wouldn’t dare even try to bring the shit up unless he tried to. but that was it. like okay we don’t talk no more. and again we didn’t have screaming matches or block each others number again after that or any other petty fights. so for us to go from seeing each other to every day to it’s been over a month, and texting someone who would text you back within 3 minutes, not even respond to you for hours or even the same day.... the shit is all just weird. it really makes me even second guess being around him because it’s like, i know i still care, but that’s just me hurting myself to care. at this point, he’s accepted that it’s over and done with and his life will go on and he’ll date new people and hang out with new girls and get to know them and like completely throw me away like the fact that it doesn’t even feel like this person is even a friend now is completely beyond me. maybe im just that fucking far removed from dating and breaking up so me expecting someone to still want to talk to me is asinine and insane but what the fuck ever.

honestly, i’m a better writer or more expressive when i’m depressed. in a manic depressive episode, i thought for a second, if i start documenting what i write when i’m sad, and i get a really good series of short sad stories or these bouts of where i just want to say some shit like this whole post, then when i kill myself someone will find them and ill be like a fucking world renown emo writer like poe, saying beautiful miserable shit that people relate to and relate to it so much more because the pain of what i go through is seared into them, so they get it.

pain.... i thought earlier about pain and suicide..... and how people who are suicidal and are looking for a way out but would like it to be as painless as possible are people who already deal with too much pain they know they can’t take anymore because they want to leave, but they literally also can’t take anymore because it’s like, give me a fucking break. then you have the suicidal people who do shit like suicide by cop or slit their wrists or set themselves on fire and shit, and i think, people like that feel so much pain, maybe they’re incapable of even registering the out as painful... maybe having to feel that is nothing compared to how they feel all the time...

#just rambling

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fiddleford-hadron-mcgucket · 7 years

Text

a dinner conversation

guess who will never stop writing fanfiction for her own blogs? it’s me

i guess this takes place yesterday afternoon? i’m a sucker for healthy communication so it’s just some good platonic fluff (ft. ford who doesn’t realize he has a crush yet but totally does) and bonding (it will take eight million more years for them to actually get together bc i also love being in slow burn hell)

anyway, enjoy

words: 1,454

rating: g

“Fiddleford, you have to have at least one slice. I’m not eating this whole thing.” Stanford mumbled through a mouthful of pizza. His brown gaze moved from the open physics textbook propped up beside him on his bed and over to his roommate. Fiddleford sat at his desk on the opposite side of the room, absentmindedly clicking his fidget cube and not looking up. A grease-stained pizza box laid at the end of the bed, filling the small room with the smell. Ford blinked at Fiddleford. “I got this so you would eat, not me.”

Fiddleford sighed. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, just eat.” Ford spoke, gesturing to the pizza box. Fiddleford stood and exhaled before retrieving a slice of pizza and then returning to his desk. He took a bite and chewed thoughtfully for a few moments before looking back to Ford.

“I don’t get why you care so much about something as trivial as my eating habits, anyway.”

Ford looked almost taken aback. “I care because you’re my friend and I love you. I’d like to see you healthy and well-taken care of. There’s nothing trivial about it.” he responded, giving a shrug.

Fiddleford snickered. “Alrighty then, but if you’re gonna keep nagging me about stuff like this, you gotta start showering more often. ‘Ya can’t exactly chide me about self-care when you don’t do much of it yourself.”

Ford smiled. “It’s a deal. I’d shake your hand, but mine’s full of grease and I can’t exactly get up.” He gestured to his leg and they both chuckled. A moment of silence fell between them. “I’m sorry you had to ask that question, though.” Ford suddenly said softly. “Have I- have I not been making that clear?”

Fiddleford quirked a brow. “What?”

“That I care about you. Do I n-”

Fiddleford rolled his eyes and cut him off. “Course you have. That was just me ‘n my silly self-esteem issues talkin’, I’m sorry.” He waved his hand dismissively. “It’s just…”

Ford waited for him to go on. “Just what?”

“It’s just… I don’t know. I guess I’m just not used to it.”

“Being cared about?”

“Well, now that you say it, it sounds bad…”

“No, I understand. It doesn’t sound bad at all. Given what you’ve told me about most of your old friends and… your family…” Ford paused to take a bite of pizza. “…my guess would be that you’re not accustomed to being truly valued because of past relationships that have ended badly. Naturally, you’d believe that nobody genuinely cares about you because so many people have turned on you so quickly in the past.” Ford gestured vaguely outward as if this was a regular conversation. He swallowed nervously before continuing. “It’s probably hard to believe people aren’t faking it because the fear that they actually hate you is always present in the back of your mind.”

Fiddleford stared at him with his mouth hanging half-open. “Damn. You’re more perceptive than I thought.”

Ford looked away. “I know all about trust issues, trust me.” He chuckled at the irony of his own words, not wanting to meet his eyes.

“Yeah. I bet you do.” Fiddleford walked over and plunked down on Stanford’s bed beside him. “But you know what?”

“What?”

“The fact that you understand that tells me that you’re somebody worth trusting.”

Ford stiffened slightly in surprise as Fiddleford pulled him into a hug. He let his muscles relax and smiled as he patted Fidds’ back, one arm awkwardly holding the slice of pizza in his hand off to the side so that it didn’t stain either of their shirts.

Ford’s smile turned to a frown as Fiddleford pulled back and a sudden thought popped into his head.

“Fiddleford?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry. For everything I’ve put you through since I met you. And thank you for sticking by me through everything. I… really appreciate it. It means a lot.”

“You’re welcome. It’s all been worth it, I reckon.”

“You reckon?” Ford grinned, teasing him a little.

“Yeah, I reckon. I reckon… ‘cause I ended up findin’ you.”

“Wow.” Ford uttered. “That’s… probably the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me.”

Fiddleford tilted his head at him. “Well, that’s a cryin’ shame, ‘cause there are plenty of nice things about you.”

Ford looked at him skeptically.

“I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true. I mean, hell, you’re just fascinating as an individual. You’ve always got something on that insanely smart mind of yours, and your thoughts are always worth hearing. You’re passionate about what you love and you strive to be the best you can be, which is an admirable trait in anyone. You have a noble heart and your mind is on the same level as mine. You get me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you’re not a dick (‘cause you definitely are), but you really are a great guy. Not morally (think you’re just as ethically ambiguous as I am in that aspect), but just in general. In personality. In being. I wish I could put all the little nuances of who you are into words so that I could tell you everything that makes you a loveable person, but I think you’re too complex for me to ever be able to. That’s what makes you so interesting, and that’s why I like you. And you’re always great to have a conversation with.”

“Never thought I’d hear that one.” Ford grinned.

“Well, I think so. You actually listen to me when I talk about the things I love and you’re interested in what I have to say. Didn’t think I’d ever find anyone who would want to have all-night discussions about obscure engineering concepts until you came along.”

“I can’t believe everyone doesn’t find theoretical physics as fascinating as you and I do. It’s a crime, really.” They both giggled.

Fiddleford paused. “So thanks for being you, Stanford. I’m glad to have you in my life.” He smiled.

“Thank you.” Ford managed. He couldn’t help but blush slightly, a dopey grin still plastered on his face. He’d finished his pizza while Fiddleford was talking, so he quickly wiped his hands on a napkin and pulled him into another hug, burying his face into his shoulder and smiling.

“Fidds?” he murmured.

“Mmm?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yup?”

Ford would’ve said something deep about how Fiddleford gave off an energy that drew him in and made him happy to feel alive. He might’ve used fancy wording to tell him he was a captivating and inexplicably fascinating being, a lively oddity that had captured his interest in a strange way, in a way that not even science could excite him. Maybe he’d compare him to a flower or the sun in some beautiful metaphor. Perhaps he’d even find the right synonym to describe how very bright and colorful and exhilarating his soul was, how dizzying and… now he was getting into territory not even he understood. That was why but thoughts like that belonged among coded passages in his journal next to scribbled-out doodles of hearts and poorly-written poems.

For now, he was content to hug him and try his best to make him understand everything he couldn’t describe. “You’re incredibly brilliant, kind, understanding, witty, amusing, and… that sounded a lot more meaningful in my head. I’m very poor at this kind of thing, but I hope you know that I would be saying something equally sentimental right now if I knew how. I, um, I think you’re wonderful and you make me extremely happy. I believe you’re a genuinely good person.”

“Stanford, I literally killed a man last month.”

“That adds to the eccentricity of your character, in my opinion. Besides, I was this close to killing him myself. I never said you had a sense of right and wrong.“

“That makes two of us.” They both snickered.

Ford just hugged him tighter. “I love you.”

“Are you crying?”

“Shut up!” Ford shoved him back, laughing and wiping away the few tears that had collected in his eyes.

“Not until you admit that I won our scrabble tournament.” Fiddleford grabbed his shoulder and shoved him down before crawling on top of him.

“If this is a wrestling match, you’re at an unfair advantage.”

“Oh, boo-hoo.” Fiddleford rolled off of him and slid into the wheelchair beside his bed before mockingly propping up his foot. “I’m poor crippled Stanford Pines and I can’t do anything but whine and complain about my shitty life. Pity me.”

Ford rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, but couldn’t keep the amused smirk off of his face. “You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah, but you love me.”

“So I do.”

#ooc #this is badly written but who cares at this point #no second drafts we die like men

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