#like my body is just numb

[bibleofficial]

i’ve been up for 36 hrs ALSKLASKLAKSLASLASKLAK

#literally i’m sooo numb #like my body is just numb #but it may be due to alcohol #i was drunk and became sober then got drunk again & ive yet sleep #i think it’s just fun at this point #how miserable can i become #how insane #how unhinged #anyway #i’m a very profane person #AKSKALSKALKDLAKSLAJSLAJSLAJS #this dumbass idiot bitch in my group project ahmed fuckin #scream #literally so he’s just … making up shit bc he’s insane & he’s reporting me bc i told the file owner of the group to block him out of the #fuckin ppt at 6.25AM MIND U THIS WAS ON 3HRS SLEEP - WHICH IM STILL RUNNING ON - #& then he got ul 7.30 pissed bc now he CANT FUCK UP EGERYRBING THAT WEVE BEEN PAINSTAKINGLY fixing & now he’s mad bc like #he’s an idiot lol like i submitted it deadass he was told if u want to talk abt the presentation meet at 10am at the centre & by 10.45 he #still wasn’t there i submitted it & fuckin left like 😭😭😭 #HE SHOWED UP AT 11.30 LIKE LUCKY U BAING ABLE TO SLEEP AFTER NOT DOING SHIT BUT CAUSE PROBLEMS BUT FUCK U & I DONT GIVE A FUCK DIE #& so now he’s saying i called him the n word but it’s so funny bc he literally … texted this threat …. & said literally ‘the voice note i #made’ like ok so #ur literally admitting to faking evidence to get me kicked out of uni #bc ur a toddler throwing a tantrum bc im not letting u FUCK UP OUR GRADES w ur 0 BRAINCELL ASS EDITS #so anyway #i went to the prof & was like deadass sis .. i ain’t doin this i don’t give a fuck i’m an adult & she was like ‘oh yea lmao i saw his email #& i didn’t read it’ ALSKLASKLAKSLAKLAKSLASLAM #like yea #bc i’ll just #export the whatsapp group chat & just show the evidence #like i don’t use that word im sorry ur just pathetic & think this will work i don’t care

[sundaytragedy]

I could totally do surgery on myself and even give myself anesthesia and then stitch myself up i could totally do that. I think I can figure out how to put it back

#is this just poetic or srs.....we'll never know #just know that i am high af rn #i dont have steady enough hands or good enough vision to ever be a surgeon i dont think. not in that sterile room. lol #sigh guess i'll pursue psychiatry #gonna fuck myself up irreversibly someday wdyt #trust meee #essentially surgeons ask that we trust them like thanks for not leaving any tools behind in my body i appreciate it man #that one nurse who did my 55+ stitches we had a moment #i was like no lidocaine pls i don't want my arms to be numb for the next day and a half i will kms more #so he didnt #that was so respectful of him

[aurosoul]

being 30 so far is just like ‘you will go through the most cataclysmic mental anguish of your life but you actually heal from it this time. also you have hip dysplasia. go to the doctor more often.’

#incessant meowing #finding out that since cptsd disconnects u from your body u can have chronic pain and not realize it til you get better #has been one loop of many loops on the rollercoaster i am currently on #like retail jobs always made me wanna donate myself to charity from the pain of standing #and i just thought i was being weak lmaoooo #my coworkers would be like oh it’s normal to feel pain you just go numb after awhile #meanwhile my shift is spent almost in tears and then i’m sleeping 10+ hours to recover #anyways life is fucking wild. how has your week been

[baby-xemnas]

bepo "i have to grieve over my brother but my husband is back from his personal little war and I'm way too happy about that so i'm crying out of happiness instead" of the mink tribe

when something happens but you are already entirely occupied with a much bigger thing - and its crazy that law going off on his "i may not return, sorry" mission alone - WAS more important to bepo in the moment than learning about the death of his brother...

because realistically he kinda lost his brother when zepo left when bepo was 8. he just vaguely held onto hope of possibly seeing him again. learning that big mom killed him took away that possibility and that's all that bepo lost

meanwhile law is bepo's whole life....he lived with law for his conscious years as a teen and adult, and even in simple numbers he lived with law for longer that he lived on zou

i'm absolutely reading too much into the bad writing and shoddy development of bepo& zepo's story, filling the giant gap all by myself but i like that it being underwritten aids to lawbepo. and i love the simple brutality of it

#no point to make really #sorry to be insane and TMI but its like when in april i bumped and scratched another car in the parking lot on my 3rd day of owning mine #but it happened a couple of weeks after my mother died #so i was like yeah sure ok. completely numb #in bepos case zepos death is the mazda that i scratched #plz clap its funny #talk tag #anyway i love bepo chan sm law has to fuck him so hard he bleeds from the nose from overheating #adrenaline from having his goal accomplished has left his body but its filled with refreshed appreciation for things in his life #cora san gave you this life to be happy #your family wouldnt want you to be alone #and you fullfilled their wishes you made a family of your own!!!! #they love you so much #and bepo loves you the most #and he waited for you like you told him #because hes reliable and wonderful like that #you gotta destroy his ass for it come on....he was so stressed out he cant stop crying just looking at you #give him smth to cry about (in a sexy and good way) #these tags are a mess #lawbepo #death mention tw

[rewrite-canon]

me when sad media piece about romantic relationship: light work no reaction

me when sad media piece about sibling dynamic: oh. okay. its got a little kick.

me when sad media piece about child-parental figure dynamic: LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP ELT MEGET UP ELT ME GET UP ELTMR FJETY UP LEGBR LE FEOT UP

#me when #i just watched aftersun and when i tell you the symptoms that movie gave me were PLAGUE-LIKE #its bcuz i cried so much throughout that my eyes are still swollen (its the morning after) #1. got a headache from how hard i cried and had to sit down #2. passed out right after the film (it was early) #3. i had work earlier and fucked my knee during my shift. it hurt so bad but after the movie my body was so numb i couldnt even feel it #4. dehydration from crying so much #5. tummy ache from crying so much. also felt like throwing up #6. became delirious and started thinking about my DAD DYING 😭 had to be with him for two hours to calm down lmfao #all in all: DONT WATCH AFTERSUN. the worst movie ever i genuinely wanted to die #still five stars tho #but im seeing a pattern in all my fav media. hm #aftersun #everything everywhere all at once #eeaao #tlou #the last of us #lady bird #beautiful boy #fancy dance #circe #michiko and hatchin #the astonishing colour of after #wolf children #the cruel prince #<- im only tagging tcp bcuz jude and madoc’s relationship was honestly the best part abt the series #rewriting

[ankhisms]

can i be emotionally vulnerable with you all in the torture dungeon

#anyway. keep feeling weird in a specific way but not really wanting to talk about it with anyone but also not talking about it makes it #feel like its crawling under my skin. and its not necessarily a bad feeling i just have a fucked up traumatized brain that makes #feeling things weird in general. i feel things so strongly or else im numb and outside my body and often struggle #with being super aware of myself because of this. where its also like im in survival mode constantly know and it can be easy #for me to go numb and not feel things or else be just going into panic panic panic hell freakout but beyond that it can be very hard #for me to identify feelings and such and having sat with this feeling its like. ok i think ive identified this but it feels #weird for me and i dont know what to do with this. should i do anything with this. probably not. and that carries its own #various baggage and relation to other issues im realizing i said i was going to be vulnerable but now i am just being very #vague about everything im saying. as you can tell i have problems and am noy good at being vulnerable #tldr feelings are weird. ive been feeling weird lately in specific ways that i dont know how to deal with but its not really bad but does #relate to certain issues i have with myself but idk really what to do besides just feeling it and letting it pass #but sometimrs iy has made me want to bang my head against a wall

[hiraeth-daydreams]

Tfw yo ass is so aromantic holding hands straight-up physically hurts.

#listen this is not a joke it Literally hurts my body. how is that even possible whatvthe fucl #went to the movies with my friends and one of them held my hand at some point #people describe feeling butterflies on their stomachs when they're in love but this Ain't It #it was more like having boiling water tunning inside my veins #and i didn't let go. i couldn't #i had to numb myself and go along even if it felt like hell #and it was fucking Nothing. it was hand-holding for heaven's sake #who in hell would think it could make anyone go through actual pain? i sure as shit wouldn't #and i love holding hands. i would hold my friend's hands all the time if i could #but just the mere implication of any romantic feelings directed towards me? it sent my brain into overdrive #next time just punch me in the throat or something jeez #haha anyways kin blog. this is a kin blog. #*Not kin related #*My post #aromantic #aromanticism #aroallo #alloaro #non sam aro #arospec #romance repulsed

[ef-1]

legs & lessons in perseverance | march '23

#so. #i fell into the fireplace lol #- thats the concise summary. but ive just been unwell health wise recently. i think ms is just harrowing to deal with #because you can go for so long symptom free and then one day you wake up and everything is wrong #your body feels wrong. #i remember being constantly angry at my body as though its a separate entity. especially when i was like 17/18. #because everytime i had a bad ms relapse i would literally breakdown in angry tears like- at my body. i was good to you. im meditating #im eating healthy. im exercising. ive been good to you. #but then suddenly you cant see or youre shaking uncontrollably or your limbs are numb #or my new favourite one: a couple of weeks ago i woke up at 4 am in a cold sweat. the inside of my thigh was burning #i dont mean like. exercise burning. i mean like struck a hot iron rod burning. it was obv nerve pain but that didnt stave off the panic #so i messaged my neurologist and hes like 'yeah its fine. wanna inject yourself?' #anyway. so recently i was helping my friend get his place houseparty ready and we were cleaning out the fire place #and my legs just gave out 😍 #and i got so angry and humiliated i kind of just wanted to go to bed and not wake up tbh #which is what i usually do but like. i was angry. angry. scorpio angry as lidya would say. so i had a nap in his bed #and when i woke up i felt slightly better and for once i thought 'im not going to let my body ruin this day for me' #and i just dragged him to the markets with me. and i still had the tremors but we bought more greens than either of us needed #and we laughed and walked and he carried me to the car at the end of the trip and it was one of the best days ive had in a long while tbh #and it feels impossible but sometimes all u need is to brush the ash from ur knees and hide the scruffs with stockings &maybe youll be ok #💚 #tw chronic illness #/ multiple sclerosis

[federthenotsogreat]

Tasting the colors 🌈🌟

#It's July!! Happy mental illness month to Demonsoul!! 🎊 #Okay but fr I have like... Three drawings all about Deamy's psyche #It's an aspect I don't get to talk about much which is why I decided to you know... Just draw! #This picture is depicting her in a state of mania #Everything is black and white #Loud colorless static #Her body grew numb from the exhaustion but she's still coughing up more and more colors #They're eating her from the inside out #demonsoul #my crown in red #mcir #original character #original story #furry art #fursona #oc #feder's art pile #tw eyestrain #tw self harm #eyestrain

[cas---2y5]

i do be goin thru it tonight but nonetheless we stay silly

#idk how much longer I can stay silly guys #I’m dissociating real hard rn #bc my moms being admitted to the hospital for a bad infection #and like I can’t really handle or deal with that #so I’m just like not even in my own body #my arms don’t even feel like part of my body #my face is numb #and I feel like I’m 2 seconds away from a panic attack that just doesn’t come bc I’m not even here rn

[coffee-bat]

hii not to vent on main but i kinda feel like my body is giving out

#really scared rn ✌️ #vent #personal #(cw: eating disorder) #so yknow my healths been on a downward spiral for years bc of my restriction #anemia kidney stones gallstones hypothyrodyism hypothermia etc #ive already been having trouble fasting for a good while now #but in the past week its suddenly gotten so much worse #when i dont eat for a long time its now gone from 'feeling faint/nauseous' #to 'i am going to faint RIGHT now' #everything goes cold. brain feels foggy. floor feels like its moving. my limbs feel numb #and not even after that long not eating #yesterday it happened at only 1pm (i got up at 6 (ofc no breakfast) and been active from then) #like even last month i could easily go a whole day #and even then the only thing forcing me to eat sth was the nausea #now i dont even get to the point of nausea ir hunger pangs. its just a sudden drop and i HAVE to get some sugar immediately or ill pass out #its never been like this. i could go on longer. i had control over when i ate #now im being forced to by my own body just going 'fuck you' #the fact that its so sudden scares me #and even outside the episodes im exhausted. rn breathing feels like effort. yesterday i was scared to go to sleep #in a few hours ill get my blood checked. then ill know if its just anemia worsening or sth. but rn with no idea whats happening #im scared #it feels like my body is giving up. it handled so much abuse from me for years and now it feels like a 'straw that broke the camels back'- #-moment. like its just giving out with no warning signs #im really scared and dont really have anywhere to turn to so. sorry posting here feel free to ignore

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

ngl i'm obviously grateful for the fact that medication exists that can make me function as a human without the extreme period cramps once a month and without the vomiting due to pain.

but the fact that the medication instantly and very obviously also made me. like. fully numb to life. is really not fun and i really don't think it's fair that those are the two like........... options... that exist

#i stopped birth control after i had a panic attack in a shop in london bc i'd felt increasingly anxious for years #and it just completely ruined my holiday #and after the first 3 ish years without any hormones my body reverted to my teenaged troubles #rn we're taking this birth control to keep the cyst from growing even more until it's my time for surgery #so i'm like. it's acceptable and i'm okay like this #bc it's not nearly as bad as it used to be #and i'm allowed to stop taking it if i want but if i have to choose rn between the two evils #i'd rather be a lil numb #also means i'm less actively upset at my job that i hate. bc i'm just kinda numb. win win ?? #it's gonna be an interesting follow up appointment though bc i cannot live longterm on birth control #if it comes to that i'm just gonna be like 'bro we'll just call it quits on the uterus situation' #bc i'm not trialing the spiral or the other invasive and scary option #when hormones alrEADy fuck me up #it's either migraine city or anxiety city or apparently now depression city #and i would just like none of those thx #i'm not having kids with this body so like. i don't need ovulation #i've had 16-17 years of it. i think i can be done now #my endometriosis journey is slow rn but we're just holding out until november #me and my 10 cm cyst............ that's like. a tennis ball. inside my body. waiting to cause me more pain. can you even comprehend ?? #this is so tmi but i'm just like. so tired of this numbness ? #i'm not usually an emotional person but considering that i was kind of like this back when i was 18-22 #no wonder my mum used to comment on me never crying at films #insane to think i actually socialized at uni #anyways #time to go to sleep to wake up early and go teach at a place i really don't wanna be at ✌🏽🤪

[thearcher1003]

Everything just feels so weirdly nostalgic and sad today.

#what's happening? #Idk how to feel about this #it's like I am feeling everything and nothing at the same time #my mind is racing with thoughts but my body is strangely calm #just sitting here numb

[the-trans-dragon]

It's an odd comfort to experience a Bad Fibromyalgia Time after a long long period of not having this intensity of it.

Like it sucks slsjskdjd of course but

Very validating to experience some of the moderately severe symptoms and realize "wow this fucking sucks, this isn't normal at all, most people do not deal with this and I did a great job at surviving this for years. I deserved way more credit than I myself. Good job, past-me. You were goddamn tenacious."

The validation is nice

#sorenhoots #cold sensitive is. attacking me. i got used to 'never gets cold anymore' and right now its like mid 60s and i cant feel anything below my #knees cos theyre numb from cold. and i am scrolling tumblr on my phone with a very strategically placed blanket keeping my body heat near #my hands. otherwise they go numb and i can't do anything with them. WHICH EXPLAINS A LOT OF WHY I WAS ALWAYS NURSING SOME SORE #TENDON OR MUSCLE. i never had proper bloodflow for maintenance and so everyday wear-and-tear accumulated into chronic disability until i #eventually would cripple myself trying to wash my hair (sorry for using a slur; i choose to use it because i have emotional attachment to #the world from a lifetime of this nonsense). and then id need help putting on my shirt for six weeks until i nursed it back to usability at #which point id have fucked up the other arm overusing it. goddamn. #im finding a lot of small secrets to coping with these things. a onesie can be treatment for cold sensitivity. laying on a small pillow can #treat GI issues if it helps align your tubes. why not lol doctors never had answers so i am just vibing. i advise going to a doctor tho. and #if they have good advice pls tell me lol

[pasta5284]

ik i said i wanted my emotions back but i am not the biggest fan of these random little crying fits i keep having out of nowhere

#uwu #forgot how bad depression feels when ur not entirely numb to it ig #its not like anything is even wrong i just feel so sad & tired & defeated in my body #:(