#listen kitty is not helpless she’s really strong

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Hamilton Musical Essay

First off, I want to say that if you like the musical, that’s fine. I’m not trying to tell you not to like it. I’m simply expressing my thoughts about it.

Secondly, this is mostly about things the musical got wrong, but there is definitely going to be some bias and opinions in here. So don’t take anything I say (unless I have provided a source) as fact.

Now, let's go through this show one song at a time.

(quick warning, this post is long. very long. and will take a while to read. i apologize in advance)

ACT I

Alexander Hamilton

I don't have much of a problem with this song, and it is pretty good. However, I do wish that they hadn’t glossed over his early years. I get that they were not that interesting, but they played such a big part in his life, especially in his later years when he was in politics. 

“Me? I loved him” haha no. that line should have been said by Eliza and Laurens. Not Eliza, Angelica and Maria/Peggy.

Aaron Burr, Sir

Oh boy, oh boy, I have quite a bit to say about this one.

I strongly dislike the portrayal of Burr throughout the whole show. I get what LMM was going for with the whole “it’s how history sees him” but, you could’ve given him a bit more character. 

Burr singing “Fools that run their mouths off wind up dead” and then Laurens walking out immediately after is clever, because Laurens really was a fool who ran his mouth off quite a lot. Like the time he yelled at the king of France, King Louis XVI.

There's the obvious mistake that Hamilton met John Laurens, Hercules Mulligan and the Marquis de Lafayette at completely different times. He didn’t even meet burr in 1776 as we see here. He met burr in 1772-1773 when Hamilton briefly went to Princeton.

Laurens, Mulligan and Lafayette have very little character (which is something a lot of the people in this show struggle with.) for people who were pretty close to Hamilton, (especially Laurens) they don't seem like they were written to be very important characters. Their personality in this show can be summed up in a sentence.

And there's the other obvious mistake that Lafayette (and probably Laurens as well) never met Mulligan.

My Shot

The foreshadowing is good, I'll give it that.

For some reason, the chemistry between Lafayette and Mulligan-- who, again, never actually met-- is better than the chemistry between Hamilton and Laurens. What's up with that, huh?

“Wait ‘til I sally in on a stallion with the first black battalion” Laurens never got his black battalion. Congress approved the plan, but the South Carolina Legislative Assembly did not.

“Laurens, I like you a lot” get outta here with that crap. Either make their relationship a bigger part in the musical or keep it out completely. I hate how subtle and glossed over their relationship is in this show.

I do like Laurens’ little part in this song, it’s a rare part of the show where we see his actual personality instead of just “grr slavery bad alcohol good.” Anthony Ramos is a very good singer.

This song is pretty good story-wise. It is very well written. Hamilton’s monologue is surprisingly accurate to the real Alexander Hamilton and his beliefs.

The Story of Tonight

It has a good vibe, and I think it’s the closest we see Laurens and Hamilton throughout the entire show, which is kinda nice.

Again with the Lafayette-Mulligan thing LMM why???

The Schuyler Sisters

LMM unintentionally created a monster when he wrote that “and Peggy” line. That joke is one of the most overused and unfunny jokes in this show and its fandom.

Having Angelica be the “strong woman” in the show was a good idea on paper, but it’s not all that accurate to the real Angelica Schuyler, and it’s like her only personality trait (aside from the whole Hamilton and Angelica thing but I’ll talk more on that later)

I'm gonna say this a lot but oh my god these people have no character to them. Not even Eliza Schuyler-- Hamilton’s frickin wife.

Listen ok I am strictly attracted to men but Phillipa Soo is an absolutely beautiful and amazing and talented person. She has full permission to step on me.

Farmer Refuted

The farmer refuted was a pamphlet published by Hamilton in 1775 in response to something Samuel Seabury wrote about how the congress in Philadelphia was bad. Not an actual public debate like you see in the show. But I’ll let this one slide because having the actors read pamphlets onstage would be a lot less entertaining.

That’s pretty much it the song isn’t that interesting.

You’ll Be Back

This is probably just me but I don’t like how King George III steaks the show and is the main source of comedy. When I asked family members after their first viewing of the show who their favourite character was, almost all of them said the King. 

Mr. Groff, please keep your spit to yourself.

As far as my knowledge of King George III goes-- and I do not know a lot about him so don’t take this too seriously-- this song is a pretty accurate depiction of ‘The Mad King.’

Redcoat Interlude

Just gonna put this here to say The Bullet is a really cool character.

Right Hand Man

Chris Jackson has the voice of an angel.

I don’t like the way Washington is characterized. At some points, he’s over-glorified, but at other parts of the show, he’s downplayed a lot, and it doesn’t at all seem like the real George Washington.

Washington and Hamilton’s relationship in this show is so off from what it would’ve been historically. You don’t see it much in this song so I won’t say much here for the sake of keeping things organized, but I’ll discuss it later when it’s more obvious

Mulligan is shown in a continental uniform, yet he was not in the army. He was a spy. He wouldn’t have worn a uniform.

As with a lot of songs in this show, the music and choreography are amazing. The ensemble is so so talented. 

This scene where Burr is meeting with Washington isn’t entirely wrong, but it’s not exactly how it happened. According to Wikipedia, “In the spring of 1776, Burr's stepbrother Matthias Ogden helped him to secure a position with George Washington's staff in Manhattan, but he quit on June 26 to be on the battlefield.”

Hamilton did not meet Washington at the same time as Burr. He joined Washington’s staff in the spring of 1777.

I’m not exactly sure what he’s referring to when he says “I have some friends, Laurens, Mulligan, Marquis de Lafayette” but I do know that Laurens and Lafayette were not his friends at this point. They weren’t even in America at the time. Mulligan was, and he was good friends with Hamilton.

A Winter’s Ball

The formatting here is wild. This happened in 1780, I don’t know why LMM skipped ahead to this.

“We’re reliable with the ladies” ok that is true I’ll admit.

What is Laurens doing here? He was a prisoner of war in Phillidelphia when Hamilton met Eliza.

Helpless

Eliza was not “helpless.” If anything, Hamilton was the one head-over-heels for her. 

Hamilton. Was. Not. Into. Angelica. Angelica. Was. Not. Into. Hamilton. 

Hamilton’s little speech to Eliza after he gains her father’s blessing is kinda cute and pretty accurate.

A lot of the people shown in this scene were not at Hamilton’s wedding. 

Laurens is shown as Hamilton’s best man, but at the time of Hamilton’s wedding, he was travelling north to meet with Washington after finding out he is to be sent on a diplomatic mission to France. James McHenry, a fellow Aide-De-Camp to Washington, was Hamilton’s best man.

Satisfied

I hate how this is such a good song because what it’s about is probably my least favourite part of this show.

There is no evidence of Angelica being romantically attracted to Hamilton. They likely had a brother-sister kind of bond.

Now, having Angelica as the side love interest wouldn’t have been that bad if it was a real thing, but it wasn’t. LMM intentionally re-wrote a part of history to have her in it, when he could’ve kept the same storyline, and have Laurens be the side love interest. If he had given Laurens that role, he could’ve made the show more historically accurate, and it would bring to light a part of history many people try to erase. But in giving Angelica that role, he has not only completely changed a part in history but has also erased the fact that Alexander Hamilton-- nor John Laurens, for that matter-- was straight. LMM had so much power. He was writing a musical about a founding father. He could have brought so many things we didn’t know to light. And yet, we’re stuck with this.

Angelica was not the person who introduced Hamilton to Angelica. It was most likely Cathrine “Kitty” Livingston, a friend and possible love interest to Hamilton that he met before he joined the army.

Angelica had brothers. 

The Story of Tonight (Reprise)

“I’ve seen wonders great and small” *gestures down* I’m sorry sir what?

They were all married before Hamilton. 

Wait For It

This is a beautiful song and it doesn’t have much wrong with it. 

Stay Alive

Sweet lord the timeline is terrible. The battle of Monmouth happened in 1778 before Hamilton got married.

Here is a better example of the strange portrayal of Washington and Hamilton. The real Washington wouldn’t have called Hamilton “son.” He wouldn’t be as friendly with him. Their relationship was professional.

Mulligan was already in new york, so he wouldn’t have to “go back to new york and [his] apprenticeship.”

“Instead of me, he promotes Charles Lee” Hamilton did not ask for a command at Monmouth. What happened was Lee was given a command, declined, and then it was given instead to Lafayette. Later, Lee requested the command be given back to him because Lafayette was very young and didn’t have much experience. Washinton blindly trusted Lee and agreed to give it back to him.

After Lee was court-martialed, he kept running his mouth and slandering Washington. Hamilton originally wanted to duel lee, but Laurens told him not to, and to just let him say what he wants. Later, after Lee kept running his mouth and the insults got worse, Laurens decided to duel him. 

Washington didn’t know of the duel. He didn’t even know it happened until the day after.  

Ten Duel Commandments

Hamilton was not the one who was super giddy and impatient for the duel to start, he was kinda the opposite. Laurens was the one who challenged Lee and was the trigger happy one. 

Burr was not Lee’s second, Evan Edwards was.

Again, Hamilton was not as enthusiastic as shown here. He was the one who tried to call off the duel and actually prevented Laurens and Lee from firing a second time.

Meet Me Inside

Laurens was not satisfied after he shot Lee, and demanded them to shoot again.

Washington saying “these young men don’t speak for me” isn’t that far off from how he reacted, but we can’t be 100% sure because there’s not a lot that was documented about his reaction to the duel.

Washinton was more upset with Laurens for holding a duel in his honour. So he wouldn’t have lectured Hamilton as he does in this scene.

As I said before, Washington would not be calling Hamilton “son”.

I really wish LMM wrote this scene differently because it’s entirely wrong. Hamilton didn’t leave the army until March of 1781, after being so fed up with Washington continuously denying him a command. 

“Charles Lee, Thomas Conway, these men take your name and they rake it through the mud” that is true, and he’s referring to the Conway Cabal. More info on the Conway Cabal can be found here if you’re interested.

The timeline is so confusing here. “Your wife needs you alive” technically, at the time of the duel he didn’t have a wife, but by the time he left Washington’s staff he did. But in the show, I'm assuming this scene takes place in 1778, so, historically, no wife yet. But in the show, he also gets married before this scene. So I don’t know what’s going on here. 

That Would Be Enough

For the sake of simplicity and not driving myself to insanity, I’m just gonna assume this takes place in 1781. Because I don’t want to try and figure out the timeline.

Eliza was not a month pregnant yet, in fact, she wasn’t pregnant at all at the time. Hamilton went home in march 1781, and their first son Philip was born in January of the next year. Doing the math, Eliza wasn’t pregnant until May 1781.

This song is actually really sweet aww.

Guns and Ships

Ah, the timeline finally smooths out.

Lafayette wasn’t really a “secret weapon,” he was just a General

Nevermind the timeline is messed up again. “I go to France for more funds” he did that in 1779, and he went back to France on leave, apparently missing home. He ended up working with Benjamin Franklin to send more troops and ships to America.

I wish Laurens was mentioned here. He went on a diplomatic mission to France in February and convinced the french congress to gift America 6 million livres.

Lafayette was not the one to tell Washington he needed Hamilton to come back. What happened was in July after he left, Hamilton sent a letter to Washington threatening to resign his commission. Washinton panicked and sent Tench Tilghman-- a fellow Aide-de-Camp beside Hamilton-- to go to the house Hamilton rented with Eliza to tell him to come back to the army and that Washington will give him a command. 

You can see in this scene Lafayette running with a letter, but he was not the person who did that. It was Tilghman.

History Has Its Eyes On You

I can’t think of anything wrong with this song, it’s pretty spot-on and sounds beautiful.

Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down)

“We’ll be with you when you do,” ehehe no they were not. The Americans did almost nothing to help France during the French Revolution.

“Take the bullets out your gun” was actually something Hamilton did with his battalion when they were sneaking through the trenches on their way to attack Redoubt 10.

Laurens was not in South Carolina, he was at Yorktown-- fighting under Hamilton’s command-- after just returning from his diplomatic mission to France. 

Lafayette was not “there waiting in Chesapeake bay,” he was with the other french troops attacking Redoubt 9.

Again, Mulligan would not have been in uniform.

Mulligan might have “taken their measurements, information” but he sure didn’t “smuggle it.” That was done by his slave, Cato. He and Mulligan were working with the Sons of Liberty and with Hamilton’s spy ring-- of which we do not know the name of-- and smuggled intelligence to General Washington.

The instrumentals and the choreography make me very happy. I really enjoy the short little instrumental break.

The siege of Yorktown lasted three weeks, not just one.

They act like this was the end of the war. It most certainly was not. The war didn’t officially end until 1783 with the signing of the Treaty of Paris. Yorktown was the last major battle of the war, but not just the last.

What comes Next

I’m very picky about this but I don’t like the king purely because I feel like he steals the show and is the automatic favourite.

Dear Theodosia

Philip Hamilton was born a year before Theodosia Burr.

I don’t know much about Burr, but I can say that Hamilton really did love his kids and his family, and I'm upset that we don’t see that in the show. At least we see a bit of it in this song.

Laurens Interlude (Tomorrow There’ll Be More of Us)

“It’s from John Laurens. I’ll read it later.” This makes me sad because the last letter sent between these two was sent from Hamilton on August 15th (and most likely never reached Laurens before his death,) so Hamilton was probably expecting the letter Eliza brings him to be a reply.

We don’t know exactly how Hamilton learned of Laurens’ death, but we do know it was not from a letter from Henry Laurens (John Laurens’ Father.) He most likely learned of Laurens’ death from either Washington or General Greene.

I find it a bit odd that Laurens sings the line “and when our children tell our story” because he never met his daughter, he left his pregnant wife in England (she moved to France a few years later)  to sail to America to join the revolution, and never visited them (not even when he was in France for his diplomatic mission.) But I get it, it’s a reprise of “The Story of Tonight.”

The war was not over, but it was close.

“His dream of freedom for these men dies with him.” Yep. Unfortunately, he never got the black battalion he worked so hard for.

I hate how fast it moves from this emotional scene, where Hamilton learns of the death of his closest friend-- the man he loved-- to “after the war I went back to new york” like geez, LMM. give the man some time to grieve.

Non-Stop

The trial of Levi Weeks didn’t happen until 1800.

There is no record of this midnight meeting of Burr and Hamilton.

Burr didn’t actually support the constitution.

Angelica was married long before this, so I don’t know why it’s just being brought up now-- oh wait. LMM is back on his hamgelica bullcrap.

John Jay got sick after writing four, came back to write the fifth, then got sick again and ditched Hamilton and James Madison. 

Hamilton did not write all 51 essays on his own, he collaborated on a few with Madison.

Hamilton was not immediately offered the position of Treasury Secretary. It was first offered to Madison, who declined, and then it was offered to Hamilton.

Most of the time, Hamilton was upset that he had to leave his family for work and wrote them often when he was away. From this point onward in the show, Hamilton’s character and personality are getting more and more inaccurate. He was not the selfish, self-centred man we see in the show. In reality, he was a kind man who loved his family but oftentimes made bad decisions due to his bad habit of acting without thought or planning.

ACT II

What’d I Miss

Daveed Diggs is cool, but I don’t understand why so many straight girls are so obsessed with him.

“Pissed him off until we had a two-party system” that’s pretty much true and it’s stupid.

He was in Paris for 5 years. It's not that long.

The “Sally be a lamb” line makes me so upset because it is so disrespectful to Sally Hemmings. I wish LMM left her out completely.

“I am to be the secretary of state, great!” Jefferson was not very happy about being appointed to the secretary of state because he wanted to stay at Monticello and do his own thing.

“I can’t believe that we are free” it’s ironic that Jefferson of all people says that line.

Mr. Madison, that’s not very COVID friendly of you.

Jefferson knew Hamilton for a bit before he went to France, and they did get along outside of politics.

Cabinet Battle #1

I hate how cocky and self-centred Jefferson is here because 1) it’s annoying as hell, and 2) the real Thomas Jefferson was not. He was quiet and shy.

“Imagine what gon’ happen when you try to tax our whiskey.” funny you should say that, Mr. Jefferson. Neither Jefferson nor Madison were not involved with the whiskey rebellion. They were silent on the issue because they made a deal with Hamilton (which I will talk more about in a few songs.) However, Hamilton-- the guy Jefferson is talking to in this scene-- was involved in the whiskey rebellion. He doesn’t have to “Imagine what gon’ happen,” he was there. More info on the whiskey tax and rebellion can be found here.

“We almost died in a trench, while you were off getting high with the french” Jefferson wasn’t in France during the war.

I’m glad the topic of slavery is being brought up, but it could’ve done in a different way instead of just a clap back in a rap battle.

“Madison, you mad as a hatter, son take your medicine” Hamilton is such a hypocrite here. Did he forget the time he almost died of a fever when he was 10? Or when he almost died of a fever in Albany in 1778? Or the fact that on multiple occasions he overworked himself so hard that he got sick? Or his kidney problems? Or-- 

“You’re gonna need congressional approval and you don’t have the votes!” Jefferson and Madison literally helped him get the votes. (again, I’ll explain later.)

“Well, James Madison won’t talk to me.” He used to. A lot. Hamilton and Madison used to be really good friends until Jefferson returned from France and Madison drifted to his side.

Take a Break 

I don’t know how long her trip lasted, but I doubt that Angelica was with Eliza and the kids on their trip upstate. She came to visit in 1789, and the Reynolds affair started in 1791. However, I have no concrete evidence that she left before the affair started, so maybe she was there. I don’t know.

Ah yes, Alexander “I Don’t Care About My Family” Hamilton. 

“I have a sister but I want a little brother” by 1791 (when this scene takes place using Philip’s age as a reference) Phillip had 2 brothers already. 

While the Schuyler Mansion is near a park, there’s no lake. Today, at least. There’s a swimming pool though.

“I noticed a comma in the middle of a phrase,” shut up shut up shut up.

“With a comma after “dearest,” you’ve written: “My dearest, Angelica”” I hate how obsessed LMM is with this stupid comma, yet doesn’t say anything about the multiple suggestive and romantic letter between Laurens and Hamilton.

Speaking of the comma situation, it was meant as a joke. What had happened was Angelica sent a letter to Hamilton with “my dearest, Alexander '' and put the comma by mistake. She just slipped up with her grammar. And in response, Hamilton wrote “my dearest, Angelica” as a joke to tease her about it. It’s not romantic. It was meant. As. A. Joke.

John Adams was vice president. I'd say that’s a real job.

Angelica, stop being all “I came all this way :((“ he doesn’t want to miss out on the trip, but he has to. If he had a choice he would definitely go with his family.

Say No To This

I hate how this song demonizes Mary Lewis (more commonly known as Maria Reynolds) like she was trying to get out of an abusive marriage??? And Hamilton was like “oof that sux wanna bang?”

The heterosexual energy in this scene overwhelms me (/j)

The first letter (that I have found) from James Reynolds to Hamilton was sent on December 15, 1791, so not “a month into this endeavour.”

I will note here that in the letter mentioned above, it sounds nothing like what we hear in the song. Which makes me question if the above letter is even the one Hamilton the musical is talking about.

Because of limited information, I cannot say whether this scene is accurate or not.

“I don’t know about any letter!” she most certainly did. Mary and Reynolds both sent letters to Hamilton concerning the affair.

The Room Where It Happens

This is the song I was talking about when I said I’d talk more about the deal between Jefferson and Madison and Hamilton.

Washington was the one who proposed that this dinner happen.

Clermont street was renamed Mercer street in 1799, the dinner table bargain (what this song is about) was in 1790. Before the Hamilton-Reynolds affair. Yet another wrinkle in the timeline.

“Now how you gonna get your debt plan through?” “I guess I’m gonna finally have to listen to you” well, Hamilton didn’t really “talk less, smile more” his way through the issue. He did-- as he usually does-- quite a lot of talking

“Well, hate the sin, love the sinner” doesn’t sit right with me because it is sometimes used as a homophobic remark.

Jefferson’s account of the bargain on the assumption and residence bills is what this scene is about.

Madison did not hate Hamilton until Jefferson returned from France.

Leslie Odom Jr. is so, so talented.

There is nothing to suggest that Burr wanted to be there. I don’t even think he knew it happened. 

Schuyler Defeated

Not much to say here, it's a short and forgettable song.

Cabinet Battle #2

I don’t like how much Jefferson says “we.” He wasn’t there. He wasn’t a soldier.

“Smells like new money, dresses like fake royalty” Hamilton was known for his colourful clothes, while Jefferson was known for dressing sloppily.

“Lafayette’s a smart man, he’ll be fine.” yeah, uh, he was imprisoned in Austria at the time… 

“You’re nothing without Washington behind you.” Hamilton was a very powerful man. One of the most powerful, next to Washington. Even with Washington gone, he still held a lot of power and was pretty well-known.

Washington On Your Side

“Thanks to Hamilton, our cabinet’s fractured into factions.” Hamilton is probably one of the biggest reasons the two-party system exists, but Jefferson did play a role as well. To put it simply, Hamilton and the federalists disagreed so much with Jefferson and the democratic-republicans that everything just got split in two.

“And dresses like the pits of fashion” look at the point from the above song.

“Somebody gives me some dirt on this vacuous mass” it really wasn’t that hard to find dirt on Hamilton. He had a controversial past, and could sometimes be a really shady guy. However, it was all for-- at least in his own head-- good reason.

Because of how close Hamilton and Washington were, Hamilton had a lot of power, and Washington backed him up quite a lot.

James Madison gets so little lines in this show, and it makes me kind of upset. Hamilton and Madison were pretty close friends for a few years, so I don’t know why LMM didn’t talk at all about that.

“This immigrant isn’t somebody we chose” yes, but Washington chose him. Don’t like him? take it up with Washington.

One Last Time

Jefferson did not step “down so he can run for president,” he stepped down to go home. To relax at his mansion, to get away from politics. He stepped down in 1793 and didn’t run for president until 1796.

This song is actually really good, and pretty accurate. And good lord Chris Jackson can sing. Gives me chills every time.

I Know Him

Adams did know King George III. and from what I have read, he was very nervous to meet him.

“That’s that little guy who spoke to me” of course he’s little to the king, the king was like 6’6”.

The Adams Administration

The Adams Pamphlet was published in 1800.

The new york post wasn’t founded until 1801, so I find it odd that they’re bringing it up in this song, in 1797.

Adams did not fire Hamilton, he stepped down on his own in 1795. 

Hamilton’s response to Adams’ taunts hurt Hamilton’s reputation a lot more than it hurt Adams’.

We Know

This takes place in 1792 before Adams was president.

Jefferson, Madison and Burr were not the people to confront Hamilton. It was James Monroe, Frederick Muhlenberg, and Abraham Venable.

The whole situation with the speculation of embezzled funds is pretty off from what we see here. What happened was James Reynolds embezzled $500 and tried to get his way out of imprisonment by saying he had dirt on Hamilton. Monroe, Muhlenberg, and Venable went to Hamilton and Hamilton explained “no, I didn’t embezzle government money, I just got my dick sucked.”

“Yes, I have reasons for shame,” yeah you think?

Hurricane

The workshop version is better, and it has Laurens in it.

The Reynolds Pamphlet

Gotta give Hamilton credit for not publishing this until after William S. Hamilton was born and then waiting for the stress of a new baby to be gone. Y’know at least he’s considerate.

Eliza was only gone for the summer of ‘91, so I don’t know why everyone’s acting like she was gone the whole time. 

Hamilton didn’t even want to be a president, and never showed any interest in the position. 

Angelica was already in America at the time, she didn’t just travel because of the affair.

The king has no reason to be here. I get that he’s the comedic relief, but this isn’t a scene where comedic relief is needed. It’s a serious situation.

“His poor wife” yeah, but have you ever stopped to think about what Mary Lewis is going through?

Burn

“You have ruined our lives.” The ‘our’ is referring to Eliza and Mary Lewis.

Blow Us All Away

George Eaker said many bad things about Hamilton in a fourth of July public speech, but Philip Hamilton didn’t meet him and challenge him to the duel until late November of 1801.

Speaking of 1801, this happens way after the Reynolds affair and the election of 1800. 

Hamilton didn’t know that the duel happened. Philip lied and told his father that it had been resolved. Hamilton later found out that it happened when John B. Church and a few others told him after it happened that Philip was shot and dying.

“Everything is legal in New Jersey.” duelling was illegal in some form or another in every state, but the punishment was less severe in New Jersey.

The guns Philip (and his father 3 years later) used in the duel belonged to John B. Church. They were not Hamilton’s guns.

Eaker didn’t shoot on 7. They both counted to 10 and stood still for an awkward minute before Philip raised his gun to fire into the air, and Eacker got scared that Philip would shoot him and shot Philip.

Stay Alive (Reprise)

When Hamilton arrived at the home of dr. David Hosack (the doctor treating Philip) he reportedly fainted from anxiety.

Eliza’s scream should have been Angelica Hamilton, as she had a mental breakdown after the death of her brother, and was arguably (out of the rest of her siblings) the most hurt by his death.

It’s Quiet Uptown

Hamilton was really hurt by the death of his son. It was probably what broke him the most out of every death he’s seen in his life-- and he’s seen a lot.

“I take the children to church on Sunday,” after Philip’s death, Hamilton and his family became a lot more religious.

“His hair has gone grey,” there is a portrait of Hamilton shortly after his son’s death, and he looks like he’s aged 10 years. He looks old and sad and in grief. It barely looks like him. 

Eliza would have forgiven Hamilton at this point. She forgave him not too long after the Reynolds pamphlet was published.

The Election of 1800

This happened before Philip’s duel, but you already knew that.

“I’m going door-to-door.” “You’re openly campaigning?” “Sure!” Burr was the first presidential candidate to openly campaign and set the standard for modern American politics.

They were tied for a stupidly long time. And when they finally got untied (by Hamilton and the federalists’ promotions and persuasion) it was by just a few votes. Not “in a landslide.”

Burr did end up being Jefferson’s vice-president. Jefferson didn’t change that.

Your Obedient Servant

This is a situation, much like the Reynolds affair, where no one is in the “right” or the “wrong.” Was it wrong for Burr to shoot Hamilton? Yes, absolutely. Was it wrong for Hamilton to say bad things about Burr and constantly keep him away from what he wanted? Yes, absolutely. But on the other side, was it wrong for Burr to be mad about what Hamilton did? No, he had every right to be angry. Was it wrong for Hamilton to speak his mind? No, freedom of speech and all that. It’s a very fuzzy situation and that’s partly why it’s unclear what exactly happened on the duelling ground.

While Burr’s loss of the elections was a reason for his duel with Hamilton, it was not the main reason. There were a bunch of little things that led up to this. A question I’ve been asked before (quite a few times, honestly) is “if Burr won the election/if Hamilton promoted Burr, would the duel still have happened?” and in my opinion, I think it still would have happened, it would have probably just happened later. Because the duel wasn’t the “breaking point” for Burr, it was just one of those little things that led to it.

Also while I’m on the topic of the election, it happened a few years before the duel. The election of 1800 was on March 4, 1801 (yes, 1801. It was tied for a very long time.) The duel was on July 11, 1804. So not directly afterward.

“Just to keep me from winning.” it is true that Hamilton did not trust Burr to be in power, and did everything he could to stop him.

The workshop version is cooler and more accurate. (if LMM had just kept the workshop version and what was in it I probably wouldn’t be writing TBH)

“I am not the reason no one trusts you,” in a way, yes, Hamilton is the reason no one trusts Burr. Hamilton had a lot of power and a lot of people listened to him. A good example of this would be his role during John Adams’ presidency. Hamilton constantly whispered into Adams’ cabinet members’ ears and basically told them what to do. And they believed him, and did what he said.

“Even if I said what you think I said, you would need to cite a more specific grievance. Here’s an itemized list of 30 years of disagreements.” Hamilton and Burr argued so much and Hamilton said so many bad things about him that when Burr asked him to admit to saying these things Hamilton essentially said “yeah well I’ve said a lot about you so you’re gonna have to be a lot more specific because I don’t know which time you’re referring to.”

Best of Wives, Best of Women

The title (and the line in the song) are a reference to this letter. 

Hamilton was not with his wife the night before the duel. He was at a house he had rented in new york city that he stayed in sometimes while away for work. A few of his older sons were with him, though, including John C. Hamilton, who was interviewed many years later and gave a retelling of what happened the night before. You can read it here.

The World Was Wide Enough

“A doctor that he knew” was David Hosak, the same doctor who treated Philip after his duel just 3 years earlier.

“Now, I didn’t know this at the time but we were near the same spot your son died,” I’m fairly sure he knew, Philip’s duel was a pretty big thing and a lot of people knew.

“My fellow soldiers tell you I’m a terrible shot.” Burr was actually a very good shot. There’s even an account of him doing target practice a few days before the duel.

“But look it up, Hamilton was wearing his glasses,” Hamilton put on his glasses because he was old, and had bad vision from his years of service in the revolution, and from how hard he worked. Fun fact, he was facing the rising sun, which meant the sun glared off his glasses, rendering him unable to see clearly. He wouldn’t have been able to shoot Burr if he tried.

“This man will not make an orphan of my daughter.” Burr’s daughter, Theodosia, was 22 and married. I’m sure she would be fine. On the other hand, Hamilton’s kids were very young. The oldest, Angelica, was only 19, and the youngest, Philip II, was only 2. These kids all needed a father figure in their life, but apparently, Burr didn’t consider that.

In the lines "Laurens leads a soldiers’ chorus on the other side / My son is on the other side, he's with my mother on the other side / Washington is watching from the other side," it seems like they’re being listed in a very particular order but I’m not sure what it means or why they’re in that order.

Hamilton quotes Laurens’ lines right before he dies and it makes me think of a conversation I had with a friend. She was telling me about how for some time after Laurens’ death, Hamilton didn’t really speak that much in congress and such. At first, I thought “oh it’s because he’s dealing with the death of his closest friend and possible romantic partner,” but then my friend explained that that’s not why he was quiet. It’s because when Laurens was in South Carolina, trying to convince the house of representatives to give him his black battalion, he didn’t talk that much. He waited for everyone else to talk, and then he jumped in and talked. That’s why Hamilton was silent for a lot of the time. He was doing what Laurens did. He was quoting Laurens.

“They row him back across the Hudson, I get a drink.” After shooting Hamilton, Burr went to his cousin’s house as if nothing had happened.

Burr showed seemingly no regret for shooting Hamilton, and even bragged and joked about it for years after.

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

“Every other founding father’s story gets told,” it really is kinda sad how little people know about Hamilton. He’s not taught about in school. He wasn’t a president.

I do wish that the musical talked a bit more about Hamilton’s kids and their contribution to keeping Hamilton's story alive. Especially John C. who went through all of his father’s papers and wrote the first biography on him. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

I really wish the Laurens-Hamilton relationship was a bigger part of the show.

The actors are amazing, but the people they play have little to no character/personality, and it kinda brings the actors down.

I love Phillipa soo.

There are so many inaccuracies that could have been easily avoided, and I genuinely don’t understand why LMM did some of the things he did. Like there was no reason to make Angelica the love interest. Absolutely no reason. And yet, here we are.

Hamilton, the musical was a great way to make more people interested in history, but unfortunately because of how wrong the show is, a lot of people who gain an interest in history from it think that it’s 100% right and treat it like a documentary. I would know, I became interested in American history because of the musical and I didn’t know how many things were wrong or left out until recently. 

The workshop version was better and more accurate. 

And that’s it! I’d like to give a big thanks to my friends who helped me, especially my friend Mary. 

#gil writes #gil's hamilton musical essay #im actually so proud of this #please dont let this flop

[forsakenbysinnoh]

Random Headcannons for the Demon Bros that no one asked for.

~Lucifer~

Lucifer never refers to God by name, only ever saying "He" or "My Father".

Despite how he may act, he's proud of his brothers, of their independence and strength. His pact mark reflects that, his own star surrounded by the six of his brothers.

With that, he can also be very worried about his brothers. Being an avatar of a sin is a title that can be won. He makes sure no other demons besides his brothers hold that title.

He has a dark sense of humor that can go unnoticed or be mistaken as threats.

Despite his reputation of being controlling, he's actually rather tired of it. He was forced into this position to protect his loved ones, and to try to figure out how to function after losing the war. Sometimes a part of him wants to be told what hes supposed to do, rather than deal with the mess of making it up as he goes along.

The most scarred of the brothers, especially along his chest and back. When he has to, he hides it with illusions, otherwise he doesn't show his skin.

Takes his debts and what he owes people very seriously. It's why he rarely asks for help even in small things.

Is the only one who can force a pact on an unwilling participant.

Isn't afraid of being controlled, but is scared of losing control to the wrong person or partner. It takes a lot of trust to let him drop the reins in a relationship.

Despite turning into a wolf in the 'Paws and Claws' event, I think the best animal to represent him would be a black unicorn.

~Mammon~

Mammon can be kind of a choosing beggar.

Forgets to be empathetic sometimes and can say some callus things. Sometimes it's good as he can be an outside observer in a situation and see things objectively.

His schemes are mainly to pay off debts. No one is quite sure where he keeps accumulating so many from.

Many people call him a coward, but in reality he's a pacifist. He'd rather run than fight.

Unless you get him hot headed, in which case the gloves are off.

Despite this, he's actually one of the most powerful brothers and can usually win a fight with anyone but Lucifer.

Very agile. Is a natural at parkor and free running.

He doesn't have a high opinion of himself, and his self esteem is in the garbage.

Def has a praise kink tho.

If he's really mad at you, he'll pretend you don't exist. He's not one to get into screaming fights, but he's passive aggressive.

I think a golden dragon with a hoarding tendency fits him well lol

~Leviathan~

He's a big nerd. King of nerds. Absolutely owns it.

Levi actually draws a lot of fanart but never shows it to anyone. He's very jealous of others talent and considers his own art bad.

Def has the Devildom equivalent of Tumblr.

Sometimes can be a fandom gatekeeper/hipster. Likely stems from a place of "I liked this before it was popular and got ridiculed for it. Now it's cool and you're taking over my interest."

Super long theories on current shows with in-depth analysis and pulling info from anywhere he can. Be prepared for his cork board on FNAF.

Sometimes Levi forgets other people have feelings too, especially when he's excited about something, and hurts them by accident. Usually goes back to apologize later when he realizes.

Loves to listen to someone nerd out, even if he's not interested in their interest, he likes them and how passionate about.

He's memorized the TSL books and movies. They are his biggest passion and he loves them so much.

He's a self shipper, ships himself with his favorite wifus and husbandos (he has both) and takes those "which character are you?" Quizzes all the time.

Knows how to code and hopes to make his own game one day.

Snake tends to be the go to for Levi, and I think a lizard or another reptile makes sense. They tend to scurry away from most creature, except for those like them.

~Satan~

(My boy so I might be a little biased/rambling here)

Satan was made after Lucifer lost the war, but he started growing in Lucifer's heart before then.

Satan is the only demon/angel that was not made by God directly, and he feels that effects his relationship with others.

He's not good at empathy, and it's a skill he's still working on.

Satan was the serpent in the garden who caused Eve to fall. He thought it was very unfair that God would refuse humanity knowledge, the one thing that he values above all else.

As he was developing/learning from each of his brothers, they each gave him an item that was important to him that he still keeps. Even Lucifer.

Keeps control of his emotions which can lead to violent outbursts if pushed far enough. No one has seen him completely unhinged except Lucifer.

Loves adventure books/series, especially long ones with intricate plots. Murder mysteries are his absolute favorite. Dislikes the 'Love triangle' trope a LOT.

Likes to listen and create stories.

Very magically adept. He knows many advanced spells and always has a hunger to learn more. Probably has made quite a few spells himself.

Cat. He's a cat. There was no competition here. His spirit animal is a kitty and I love him for it.

~Asmodeus~

Asmo, despite being the avatar of lust, cares about consent a lot. He wants his partners to feel good when they're with him, not like they're afraid or helpless.

Well, unless that's your thing, in which case he'll make sure a safe word is in use ;)

Knows a lot about sex. If you have any question he will be happy to answer it without making it seem awkward or taboo. Though he will flirt and offer to show you himself.

He's very confident in his body and looks. Asmo knows he's a catch and good looking, and wants to keep it that way.

Doesn't mind showing off his scars from the war and wishes he could help Lucifer with his perception of his scars.

He will NOT have anyone body shamed in his presence.

Has ALL the gossip. He knows who's sleeping with who, what relationship drama is going down where, and keeps up with it daily.

Gender roles? Who is she? Being beautiful is for anyone.

He shows affection through touch. This makes him come off a bit needy and he tends to invade other's spaces.

There's more to lust than just sex though, it's pure, unrestrained desire. Desire to learn, to hurt, to take revenge, to love and be loved. He can sense someone's deepest desires and loves to bring that to the surface.

This is why Satan is one of his favorite brothers, there's a lot of pure emotion in him that he keeps covered up.

I think a Siren would fit him best, able to draw out what people desire the most.

~Beelzebub~

Beel has a soft heart. He cares a lot for his family, even when he's mad at them.

His kindness has gotten other demons trying to take advantage of him, which is why he tries to hide it behind a facade of being a big brute.

He's a cuddler. Beel is touch starved and wants nothing more than just to hold someone close and know they love him.

Nightmares are a constant struggle for him. He still blames himself for Lilith's death and not being strong enough.

Unless Belphie is around, Beel has a hard time sleeping.

Like Mammon, Beel a pacifist, though he's usually a little more willing to throw his weight around when needed.

When Lucifer isn't around, Beel is the one to try and get his brother's on the same page. If it's a lost cause he'll just leave for some comfort food.

Unless it's a serious matter, in which case it'll be one of the few occasions he yells.

Is self conscious about the food he eats and how everyone sees him as just the big grunt who loves to eat.

Beel is basically a pitbull. He seems scary and dangerous on the outside, but really he's just a teddy bear.

~Belphagor (spoilers)~

(I'm still a little salty that Belphie here killed me. Just as a warning lol)

Belphie's powers include sleeplessness and inducing a weekend nap. He either never sleeps or is sleeping for several hours.

I don't know why but I'm betting he'd be good at Uno.

Hates being confronted by his mistakes, would rather pretend they didn't happen in the first place

Asks for piggie back rides from Beel when he's too tired to walk.

He's the only one who can get Beel to sleep without nightmares. No one is quite sure if that's cause of his powers, or if he just is good at comforting his brother.

I see him as being good at poems. Soothing words that have a rhythm to them. You listen to him speak and before you know it you're asleep.

He brushes off most kindness as fake and doesn't trust anyone.

The most comfortable hoodie. Hugs are warm and soft.

Animal: a small fluffy cow. You know the ones I'm talking about. Fluff central.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcannons #headcannons #obey me satan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #personal headcannon

[kittyandco]

you mustve been asked this already you dont have to answer but what is your relationship with Prince Charming like? and whats your self insert like :0 when i made mine i made them a jester..

1) holy SHIT that’s an epic idea & i would love to hear... 

2) ALRIGHT ALRIGHT yeah, i do get a lot of repeat asks but i totally don’t mind answering! i’ll probably insert links to relevant posts too for more explanation. gonna try to organize this but i will not care if i switch from first to third person LMAO. everything under the cut uwu

3) so my s/i is a runaway. (which i titled my first fic i wrote with us haha...) 

she ran from her family long ago, and ended up in shrek’s swamp. they had to learn to live in the same area... mostly shrek, though. he did the most adjusting. i didn’t care so long as i had somewhere to stay and not get robbed by the weirdos who lurked in the forest. 

so because of that, she’s callous and skeptical of humans... but has a soft-hearted side, too, like shrek. the fact that charming is the exact type of person that made her so indifferent toward the world didn’t help at first. everything about him was repulsive... but also horribly inviting. ugh

honestly even though she’s been beaten down by just about everyone in her life, especially after publicly associating with ogres, she still has confidence in herself to stay strong in her negative convictions. just about everything’s justified. you’d think she’d be indecisive and lame, but just the opposite. especially when the man, The Man is now hers? well... time to never shut up about it. that isn’t to say there isn’t a lot of inner conflict but it’s mostly just that: internal. pain? confusion? don’t know them lol 

AND A BITCH IS NOT IMMUNE TO HIS SO CALLED “CHARMING” TENDENCIES. OK I’M WITH Y’ALL, I RELATE, even if i roll my eyes and scoff at every advance don’t dare stop

also: she aspires to be a knight!! i don’t talk about that enough, but that’s her most profound dream, above all else. only problem is that she doesn’t embody basically any of the qualities that a knight would require sfajdfk 

our relationship is a lot of learning... we come from opposite worlds, but really come together over shared experiences that we wouldn’t expect the other to have gone through. this was part of his appeal to me in real life, what made me relate to him most... the whole fairy godmother situation. it’s funny and all but every time i’m sitting there sweating like yeah haha overbearing mother trying to use her child for her own gain? HILARIOUS........ 😳 but i’m not absolving charming of blame here. he’s Not Great, but there’s clearly more to it, at least from my perspective. (and serious talk aside too i love fairy godmother as a character, who doesn’t, just not in this context asdsjk) 

shared trauma aside, i think we compliment each other so well. he doesn’t feel as pressured to “woo” me every three seconds. (i mean HE STILL DOES I AIN’T COMPLAINING, i actually find it funny sometimes. which he doesn’t understand, but he soon comes to like it because he appreciates seeing me happy... altho sometimes he’s like ok kitty seriously i’m not joking you really are beautiful please listen to me i am trying to flirt with you stop) we can joke and play around, and... he’s never gotten to really do that; chivalric code and all. i don’t see him as the helpless pawn that other people do. he is his own person with feelings... his want for FFA is not his only aspiration. he can be a little clumsy, but that’s because he’s hardly gotten to do anything for himself... and i don’t want him to always be reliant on someone for approval. i’ll let him do things on his own, and even if it isn’t exactly how i wanted it, i know he did his best... and that’s all i could ask for because his best is what i love so much. 

alright i’m leaving before i get emotional 

#goddddhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #asks #💕 sunflower dreams

[jeserai]

Angst no.8 + fluff no.9 for the sentence starters please? I'm in need of some angst/comfort stuff

8. “Is that blood?” “…No?”9. “Sleep over? Please?”

And though she’s not looking at Catra, she knows that Catra is going to be giving her that confused, annoyed look, so she recites, “‘for whither thou goest, I will go.’ I won’t let you do this—whatever it is—alone. If you want to fight, and bleed, and get hurt, I will be there with you.”

8. “Is that blood?” “…No?”

Adora silently jerks awake just past 3am, her hand already on the dagger kept under her bed. As she swings it out, a familiar hand catches it; Catra curses and then collapses on her bed, no doubt glaring at her. “What the fuck, Adora?”

“Oh.” Adora loosens her grip on the dagger and Catra takes it by the blade before tossing it onto the floor as Adora blinks the sleep from her eyes. “And don’t what the fuck me, what are you doing up so late and sneaking into my room?”

“Um, none of your business,” Catra sniffs. She stands with a groan, and Adora listens to her parabatai crack her back as she settles back into her pillow. And then she sniffs, and freezes.

“Catra.”

“Yeah, princess?”

“Is that blood?”

A long pause. “…No?”

With a heavy sigh that Adora sincerely hopes conveys all of her exasperation, she sits up and swings out of bed. “Come on, Catra.”

And surprisingly, Catra follows without even a bit of snark. She even reaches for Adora’s hand to let herself be tugged through the Institute and up to the training room, where Adora pushes her down to the floor and sits across from her, careful fingers easing up her shirt. Adora hisses as she sees the wound, deep and bleeding freely, and she reaches a hand out in a wordless demand as Catra reaches for her stele. She doesn’t flinch or wince when Adora begins to draw careful iratzes despite the way it must burn; all Catra does when Adora glances up at her is stare down at the floor, scowling.

“I really hope that wasn’t from a werewolf,” Adora tries, “I don’t want to have to fight a whole pack again.”

Usually, a remark like that would earn her a snarky remark or at least a roll of Catra’s eyes, but now she just huffs and shrugs. “It’s fine, princess.”

“Catra, I just—”

“It’s fine,” Catra snaps. As soon as Adora finishes, Catra bats her away, rolling down her shirt and grabbing her stele. “By the Angel, Adora,  I’m not a kid! We’re Shadowhunters, this is what we do. We fight and we bleed and we get hurt and we die, this is our life.”

Adora forces her voice to remain calm despite the way she wants to shake some sense into Catra. “I know that, but I don’t want to just sit here and watch you do this to yourself; you’re my parabatai. We swore it, Catra, ‘where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried.’”

For a moment, Adora is sure that Catra is going to concede and come to bed, but then she stands ramrod straight and shakes her head. “I’m going.”

And though she’s exhausted, and upset, and annoyed beyond belief at her hotheaded parabatai, Adora stands and grabs her sword from the weapons rack. “Let me get dressed then.” And though she’s not looking at Catra, she knows that Catra is going to be giving her that confused, annoyed look, so she recites, “‘for whither thou goest, I will go.’ I won’t let you do this—whatever it is—alone. If you want to fight, and bleed, and get hurt, I will be there with you.”

When Adora turns, she finds Catra touching her heart, her fingertips brushing against the tip of the rune that lies inked on both of their chests, the rune that binds them for life. She doesn’t smile when their gazes meet, but something in her face relaxes, and she nods. “Meet me outside in five minutes.” Thank you.

“I’ll be there in three.”

You’re welcome.

9. “Sleep over? Please?”

Catra decides that she is absolutely going to kill Adora’s new friends the first chance she gets. A little bit because they called her at 3am on a Tuesday night, and partially because they called her drunk out of their minds at 3am on a Tuesday night, and mostly because they had the nerve to tell her to come pick Adora up at 3am on a Tuesday night, as if everything between her and Adora is still okay.

She hadn’t even spoken to Adora, just to stupid fucking Shimmer, and in the background she could hear the sound of someone puking and a few voices yelling. Glitter said to hurry up in a very panicked voice, and then Catra hung up. For a moment, Catra lay in bed, phone tossed somewhere by her feet, and for a long, long few minutes, she contemplated staying in bed, going back to sleep, and having the quiet satisfaction in knowing that somewhere, Adora was puking her guts up after drinking too much.

And then those moments passed, and Catra swung herself out of bed, pulled on a jacket, and stomped outside.

And now here she is, waiting outside the Rebellion at 3:23 in the morning, waiting for stupid fucking Shimmer and stupid fucking Adora to come outside. They do, eventually; Bow is half-carrying, half-dragging Adora to Catra’s car, and he at least has the nerve to look apologetic. He struggles for a few minutes with the car door handle, and Catra only gets out to help him because she wants to get back to bed. Adora shoved inside the passenger seat, Catra turns to Bow and silently stares him down, sure her expression will convey how absolutely pissed she is.

“I am so sorry, it’s just—she’s really drunk, and—you—well,” quietly, head ducked in shame, Bow says, “none of us know where she lives.”

And oh, Catra is going to kill them. All she says though, is, “Give me gas money,” and turn on her heel when Bow digs out two wrinkled ten dollar bills. Catra waits for him to get back inside the bar and then turns to Adora, who sits quietly with her eyes closed and her head lolled back. For a moment, Catra wonders if she’s passed out, but then Adora’s eyes shoot open and she stares at Catra, dumbstruck.

“Catra! How’d you get here?” she questions. She leans forward and yelps as she loses control of her body, and she is so lucky Catra knows her well enough to have put out a hand to catch her.

Should’ve let her fall, Catra thinks, but she gently pushes Adora back and leans towards her to fasten her seatbelt. Only because she doesn’t want Adora to forget herself and fall over again while she’s driving, even if the image is pretty funny to imagine. When she finishes with the seatbelt and looks up, Catra finds Adora still staring at her, cheeks flushed and eyes dark. Her gaze is trained on Catras lips, and Catra can feel her body heat from how close they are, and for a moment, Catra is pulled back into Adora’s orbit, helpless as always to escape. But then she remembers herself, remembers how Adora so easily left her, and she tears herself away completely.

“Alright, princess,” she mutters, “let’s get you home.”

“Home!” Adora parrots happily, “we’re going home! Wait, where’s Glimmer? Where is everyone—Catra, we have to go back!”

“Why, did you leave them too? Funny, because I don’t remember you ever coming back for me.”

Adora stays quiet, and Catra glances at her out of the corner of her eye as she drives, startled to find a frown fixed on Adora’s face. Her voice is surprisingly steady when she whispers, “I never meant to leave you,” and Catra’s heart stutters, but then Adora’s head lolls to the side and she presses her hand against the window, humming off-key to herself.

Typical.

“Yeah, well. Just don’t puke in my car and we’re good.”

“I puked on Bow’s shoes,” Adora dutifully reports, “they were new, too.”

And honestly, that almost makes up for this shitty night.

“You’re still such a lightweight, Adora.”

Adora giggles in response and says something about kitty cats. Catra ignores this and fixes her eyes firmly on the road as she takes the achingly familiar path to Adora’s house. A year, she thinks, it’s been a year and she still hasn’t forgotten. Adora has carved her mark into Catra’s heart so deeply that she could find her way here blindfolded with no trouble after a whole year of avoiding her. And Adora’s new friends couldn’t even be bothered to figure out her address—

Catra takes a deep breath, and stiffens when she feels a warm, familiar hand high on her thigh. “Kitten,” Adora mumbles, “calm down.” It’s been a whole year, but Adora can still read her so easily, inebriated as she is. And it’s been a whole year, but Catra’s body still reacts to Adora’s touch, her shoulders relaxing and her heart unclenching as Adora rubs gentle circles against Catra’s thigh.

God, she’s pathetic.

“I’m fine, Adora. I don’t need you babying me, I never did.” Which is a lie, because Adora never babied her, only talked her down from countless anxiety attacks and fits of anger. But Catra doesn’t have Adora anymore, so she’s learned to take care of herself again. She doesn’t need Adora, never did.

But Adora’s hand stays there, warm even through Catra’s sweats, and Catra leaves it there.

When they pull up to Adora’s house, Adora whines and pouts and absolutely refuses to go in, even after Catra threatens to drag her by the hair. “You don’t even have a key,” she says triumphantly, and Catra just rolls her eyes, because Adora always keeps a spare taped underneath the mailbox, and besides.

She still has her key that Adora never took back, tucked safely (stupidly) away in the glove compartment.

“Come on, Adora. Jesus fuck, I’m exhausted, get up.”

And when Adora does not, Catra leans over her, unbuckles her seatbelt, and yanks her out of the car, ignoring Adora’s cry of surprise and pain when she is dragged out of the car and onto the ground. Catra’s never been as strong as Adora, but she’d hit the gym with Scorpia after the break up, and all those hours are clearly paying off, because it’s easier than Catra ever thought it would be to get Adora up and carry her up the walkway and to the front door. Adora whines when Catra finds the key and slides it home, and something in Catra’s heart stutters again when she makes her way inside again.

After a year, everything is still the same. There are pictures of them still up, and the couch is still where Catra loved and Adora hated, and—

Maybe, maybe, Adora still hurts too, the same way Catra does, deep inside where no one else knows. She just lets it show differently.

Catra shoves the thought away and kicks off her shoes, letting them fall messily onto the floor. Adora promptly slurs out a half-hearted protest, and it almost feels like it used to, when Catra would kick her shoes off because she was too lazy to keep them tidy, and Adora would protest, and Catra would shut her up with a gentle kiss. She’d always straighten her shoes after, just to see Adora’s sunny smile, but all she does now is drag Adora to her room and drop her none too gently against the bed. Adora groans and rolls over, and Catra watches in amusement as Adora fumbles for her pillow to smush her face into it.

“Gonna get you some water,” she says, mostly to herself. Adora groans again and Catra watches in the door for a moment to make sure she’s okay. Other than her shoes on the bed—Adora is going to freak out about that in the morning—she seems fine, so Catra leaves.

When she gets back, Adora has somehow managed to sit up, but her eyes are still closed and she startles when Catra knocks on the open door. She opens her eyes and smiles wide when she sees Catra, then she frowns. “Catra! Where’d you go?”

“I told you, I went to get you some water. You need to drink it, Adora.”

Adora’s petulant frown only deepens and she shakes her head. “Not thirsty.”

“I don’t care, drink it anyway.”

Eventually, Catra manages to make Adora take a few sips of the water before letting her lay down again. As Catra places the glass down on the side table, Adora catches her wrist and weakly tugs. “Are you leaving?”

“Yes, Adora, I’m leaving. I have work in the morning.”

Catra’s words only make Adora clutch at her tighter, and Catra makes the mistake of looking over at her and into her wide, sad eyes. “Sleep over? Please?” Adora asks, and her voice is quiet, all of her vulnerability laid bare for Catra to see.

And Catra could say no. It would be so easy to, to pull away and leave the house, but Catra has always been weak for Adora, and it’s always been so easy for Catra to fall back into Adora’s orbit.

So she stays. Just for tonight, she stays.

#she ra #shera #catradora #my writing #catradorians how we feelin #x.x i forgot to include the part with adora telling catra she got so drunk bc today wouldve been their 2 year anniversary ((catra forgot)) #also we love shadowhunter aus if u read shadowhunters ur third eye is open just saying #NEITHER OF THESE WERE FLUFF I AM SO SORRYFSDJKHDGKJD #shadowhunter au #magic au

[ridethedarktrail]

Here I thought we had a good thing going, in a brand new notebook. We were all in agreement where this was headed. Everyone was doing their part... until they ran the story off the road. What is an author to do when the characters turn on her? Out them on tumblr of course. 

Smut behind the cut. 

Slamming into her, he knew he’d regret it later but right now he was so high on adrenaline and her endorphins he couldn’t help himself. He gripped her hips in a bruising hold, feeling the start of her convulsions as she worked her clit. She pushed away from the low wall she was using for support and glanced back over her shoulder at him. Moving his hand up her spine and along her neck, he forced her to watch him.

“Oh god,” she moaned and he leaned in swallowing her scream.

Wolverine knew he was addicted to this, to her and no matter how badly it ended he wouldn’t willing give her up. Another shallow thrust and she bit his lip, her hand moved between her thighs until his balls rubbed against her fingertips. He growled, but she wouldn’t release his lip or allow him to push her feet apart to go deeper. Rogue was in control and he filled her with his hot seed.

Moments later they were straightening their uniforms, no time for anything else. Pausing, she tugged at his mask correcting it. She left her hand at his sideburn for a moment, a spark of mischief in her eyes as he placed his hand over hers. Moving, she pressed her fingers to his mouth before he could say her name. There was so much he wanted to tell her.  

Her earpiece crackled and she tilted her head. “Be there in a minute,” she responded and tapped his earpiece. “Later tater,” she said with a laugh as she trotted off into the distance.

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” he growled at Cyke. He’d heard most of it from Rogue’s earpiece. The battle had been mostly over when he’d run into her, now he had to track down a sneaky villain.

The regret set in later as Rogue boarded the jet. He’d been discussing a plan to deal with the sneaky villain with Scott and Jean. Rogue walked passed with Kitty, and her eyes lingered on his a second too long. Scott, if he cared to notice, continued with his discussion. Jean, on the other hand, watched Rogue walk by with a thoughtful look.

Frankly, he didn’t care who knew he was fucking Rogue, when or how. He wasn’t using her any more than she was using him. They were both consenting adults and handled the sex as such.

Logan’s real concern was that he’d developed feelings for Marie and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. That thought alone made it sound like she was suffering from a split personality. It was nothing like that at all. It was the uniform.

Every time Marie put on the uniform her attitude changed. She really did become a rogue. Daring and fearless, which was a plus for a superhero. However the moment the uniform came off she was unsure of herself and no manner of coaxing by anyone changed that fact until she put the uniform back on.

The difference was noticeable when she’d started training to join the team. At first, it was a simple boost in confidence after she was fitted for her uniform and began wearing it in the Danger Room. As she mastered her mutation and learned to use borrowed mutations to the advantage of the team, she began to take more risks to the point of needing to be healed a time or two.

He’d never deny her the healing, couldn’t bring himself to see her hurting. Yet her assurance of his need to heal her only reinforced her behavior in uniform to the point that something had to be said. Only he didn’t anticipate how far the talk would go.

During her second mission, she’d borrowed Colossus’ mutation and not enough of his humility. Thanks to the two of them the team was able to stop the Juggernaut in his destructive path. Luckily, all she incurred were some cuts and a sprain that Logan easily healed up.

He’d stayed behind in the hanger bay in the hopes of talking some sense into her. She’d listened willingly enough until it was just the two of them left there. The talk had gone well up to the moment he thought she was going to promise to be more careful.

Damned if she didn’t smile up at him all innocent-like, big, brown eyes full of mischief and whispered, “I know what you want.”

There had been a lump in his throat over the things he thought about her and he’d hidden them well. Things he’d wanted to do that made his hands itch with need. Things that a cold shower couldn’t quell.

Before he could turn away, she’d pulled him to her with the last vestige of borrowed strength. Her mouth was on his and he was helpless to resist as she did know all his secrets. There had been a brief struggle with his uniform, hers needed only a quick jerk at already ripped seams.

She bit his shoulder to muffle her cry as he thrust into her. It wasn’t how he’d wanted this to happen with Marie. But she whispered things he needed to hear, things that made his feral side strain to make her belong to him. The best he could do was kiss her softly as she came on his cock. He followed her seconds later over the edge.

When all was said and done, the knowing smile she flashed him told him all he needed to know. He’d succeeded in making her his but not at all the way he wanted. Rogue belonged to him completely, but Marie was an uncertainty.

~~~~~~

The door never creaked when she opened it. Marie appreciated that just like the fact that Logan kept his room orderly so she wouldn’t stumble over things in the dark. Those little things he did for her let her pretend they had a normal relationship, at least for a few hours at night.

They’d dispensed with the formality of him answering the door months ago. Anymore she slipped into his room on her own to make her apology. Tonight she was late and he was already in bed. When she closed the door, he flipped the covers back in a low pressure invitation. Hesitating a moment, she knew she shouldn’t but it was the only way she knew to make a proper apology.

The first time she’d come to his room to admit her failure in their interactions hadn’t gone as planned. He’d answered the door and let her in. The guilt had lain heavily on her and she wanted to tell him how sorry she was for her behavior in the hanger earlier that day. Yet she’d been afraid he would mistake what she was sorry about as there were no words to adequately express her feelings. She was appalled at herself for taking liberties with his need for her, but she didn’t regret the sex.

It had been the first awkward silence they’d ever shared. When she’d finally had the courage to look at him, she’d seen the misery at the situation plainly written on his face. She’d done this to him and wanted to ease that pain. Instead of talking, she’d hugged him hoping to convey her own feelings more clearly.

A hug led to a kiss that led to sex. Again she’d used his secrets against him. Let him make love to her in the slow, methodical way he’d wanted and she’d loved him all the more for it.

Now she simply slid under the covers next to him, she worried that someday Logan would tire of her inability to go beyond the broken relationship she offered him. Tonight though he pulled her closer with an arm around her shoulders, willing to once again accept her poor substitute for repentance.

The weight of her deficiency was almost unbearable at times. There was fear in her at this cycle of desire and penance. Of what ending it would mean. It was something she didn’t care to think about.

Marie placed a kiss on his broad chest, letting a hand glide further down his body. His muscles tightened in anticipation as her hand crossed his abdomen. She liked the way he grunted when her hand wrapped around his hardening flesh. She only wished this was under different circumstances.

He whispered her name, low and needy in her ear. His hot breath sent a shiver up her spine. She lifted her head for a kiss and he obliged with a slow, languid exploration of her mouth.

Drawing her on top of him, she wanted to resist this position. It was selfish and she enjoyed it way too much. This was supposed to be about him and she preferred to be underneath him, caged in by his strong arms.

She bit her lip, looking away from his imploring eyes. Acquiescing, she lifted herself up as he tugged her panties out of the way. Descending on his hard cock, she shuddered when his thumb grazed her clit. He let out a soft growl, his hands already on her hips moving her.

No sooner had she begun to find the rhythm on her own then his hands moved elsewhere. Tonight they were at her breasts, fondling one and keeping the other at his mouth to suck at. She loved to ride him, it was always hard, fast, and loud. It never failed to make her vocalize her climax.

Her insides were already tightening too quickly and she felt him shift, crossing his ankles in the attempt to last through it. She gripped his shoulders trying to hold back the moan building in her throat. He twisted her nipple, the other hand back on her hip. He mumbled, “Don’t stop.”

She cried out as the orgasm hit her. He kept her moving, she knew he was wanting the second wave that usually accompanied the first. Her body didn’t disappoint them and his name was wrung from her lips with the new rippling of her muscles.

He was flipping them over by the time she tried to slump down on his chest. She was a wreck and he knew it, letting her catch her breath. Readjusting her legs, he set a leisurely pace. Again she had to turn away as he whispered all those things that were no longer secrets. She wasn’t worthy of the love he talked about.

#wolverine/rogue #writing ideas

[lextherandlxce]

Oh man thank you so much for answering my ask! I still am into Longmire, and Branch remains my favorite character, and you are so right about people not looking long enough to see what a great guy he is! Now you’ve got me hooked though, haha! What are your headcanons for Branch’s hobbies? What’s his taste in books and music? Does he like scary movies? Dogs or cats? CAN HE SING? (I’m a sucker for a man that can sing) you write for him so beautifully that I just wanna know more haha! Thanks love!

{ You are so welcome! And thank you for sending another one!! I can’t tell you how excited I was to see all these questions for Branch omg :3 Feel free to send anything you want about Branch. I’d love to keep talking about our boy with you! Also, thank you so so much. I’m so happy that you enjoy the way I write Branch ! }

Branch’s hobbies tend to be pretty Wyoming typical. He loves camping, fishing, hunting. He loves to go swimming in different rivers. He’s not a huge fan of swimming pools. He prefers to be out in nature. He, of course, loves riding his mare to clear his head. He used to be a bronc rider before he became a deputy, so sometimes he likes to go visit his old friends who are still involved in the rodeo circuit. And occasionally, he’ll take up the invitation of a ride. He still needs a good rush of adrenaline from time to time. He also tries to volunteer with animal shelters. He hates seeing animals abused or neglected, so when he was younger he loved going to take care of them. His father hated him doing it. He thought it made Branch look weak. Branch never cared what his father said about it, but since he’s become a deputy, he doesn’t have too much time anymore. He’ll do his best to attend an adoption day or donate large amounts during the holiday seasons though. Overall, I think Branch’s biggest hobby is simply to build things. He loves doing things around the house (like putting in a new deadbolt for Cady). Any home improvement project is something he’ll gladly take on. Anything that lets him use his hands. He really wants to learn more about carpentry. He has basic knowledge and can build basic things, but he wants to be able to create really beautiful woodworks.

Branch is a total classic rock guy. It’s the music he grew up with, and he loves it just as much as when he was a kid. He doesn’t listen to country. He doesn’t want to be that much of a walking cliche. He doesn’t really ever listen to new music either unless he just happens to be where it’s playing. But classic rock and sometimes old school funk are his jams. If you want a few examples of songs Branch loves, listen to Leroy Brown by Jim Croce. But Branch loves every song by Jim Croce. ( @peritxetxinvenit I can’t lie, Leroy Brown reminds me very much of Vic xD ). But he also loves songs like What a Fool Believes by the Doobie Brothers. Okay, if I’m not careful I’ll wind up making an entire playlist of songs Branch likes! But for some more recent songs, Branch likes Mr. Brightside by The Killers and Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye. 

Now, can Branch sing....? YES. Yes, Branch can sing. And he can sing very well. When he listens to any of the songs I’ve listed above in his truck, omg, does this boy belt it out. One thing that always helps put him in a better mood is to get in his truck, drive down a quiet road, roll the windows down, blast music he loves, and sing along to it. Now while Branch can sing, he never let’s anyone hear him. He’d be mortified if anyone heard. He doesn’t realize that he has a wonderful voice, and he feels like a fool at the idea of people hearing him sing. He doesn’t even hum to himself or silently lip-sing to songs he likes with other people around. He won’t even sing in his own house because he’s worried someone might come to visit and overhear. However, after a couple of beers and with someone he really cares about, they might be able to get him to sing a little tune for them. An aside note, Branch had a couple of piano lessons when he was young, but he hated it and his father never made him pursue it. He can’t play any instruments, though he’d like to learn to play the guitar. 

Branch is a very intelligent man, and he’s actually an avid reader. Some people might think of him as the dumb high school quarter back, but he’s not stupid despite loving sports. During high school, he read a great many classic novels. He actually loved them all. It shames him to no end, but when Walt lent him Hound of the Baskervilles in order to chastise him, Branch did indeed take the book home and very carefully read it. He learned a lot from it and thoroughly enjoyed the story. But because his job demands a lot of his time, he doesn’t ever feel like he has the time to read many novels anymore. Branch is at a point where he’d want to get through a book in an afternoon. So he doesn’t read novels or novellas, instead, he reads plays! Plays as old as Oedipus Rex to contemporary plays. He enjoys that they’re quick reads, but he also has a lot of fun making his imagination work to visualize everything. He actually much prefers reading plays instead of going to watch them. And because of his Uncle Lucian’s talent for writing poetry, Branch will always go buy a collection of poetry based on whoever his uncle recommends he reads. 

Branch loves scary movies! They’re one of his favorite kinds of movies. Yet as often as he watches them, he’s not often truly impressed by them. He hates cheap jump scares. He loves the old school horror movies, no matter how camp they are. Evil Dead, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Chucky to name a few. All the cult classics that had phenomenal horrifying originals. He never bothers with any sequels. He doesn’t really care much for blood and guts in movies. In fact, he’d like to get away from that once he’s out of work. His favorite kind of horror movies have good characters, strong plot lines, and a sense of unease that builds and builds until it’s intolerable. Though I will say, he’ll never watch horror movies alone. 

And here’s a little headcanon near and dear to me that almost ties into the last one. He’s not a coward by any means, but having grown up in close proximity to the Cheyenne reservation has influenced his belief in frightening creatures and spirituality as a whole. While Branch says he doesn’t believe in ghosts or goblins of any sort, he feels it’s best not to push his luck with any possible malevolent entities or cryptid creatures. When Vic Moretti mentioned having her tarot cards read, he actually thought she was pretty brave. He was being honest about never having had them done because he’s a guy in the middle of Wyoming. But I do imagine after that, Victoria would have really tried to get him to go with her for a reading. He would have flatly refused, and it’s because he would be afraid. He’d be afraid of knowing something bad was coming his way and he’d be helpless to stop it. For Branch, he’d rather not see the snake in the grass until he’s bit rather than to know it’s there and know he’s trapped. 

And last but not least, Branch loves cats and dogs!!! He never had any pets other than horses growing up, and he doesn’t have one now. He’d really like to have a pet, but he worries he wouldn’t be fair to them by working all the time. But he adores dogs and cats equally. He loves that a dog can go anywhere with him and be an outdoor companion. And when he visits people who have cats, the kitties tend to take to his lap instantly. He loves cuddling with a kitty inside, but he doesn’t like how their fur gets everywhere. And usually it’s so fine that it makes him sneeze terribly compared to dog fur. He likes to think that once he’s Sheriff or even retired from the Sheriff’s department, he’ll adopt a dog and a cat. 

{Thank you again for all these questions, my sweet! Please feel free to send in any more you have about Branch. I don’t mind answering anything about him. It all helps me flesh out how I want to write him. I hope this was an enjoyable read, and thank you again for your support of my writing!}

#;branch #;headcanon #;headcanons #branch connally #{i will love this cowboy to the day i die <3 } #ashomee

[mythicamagic]

Giselle: DL oneshot

Commission for @s-e-kwan who asked for the ballet story of Giselle featuring Yui Komori. So somewhat of a Diabolik Fairytales AU

Pairing: Subayui

SFW but features character death

word length: 1,800

Sunlight bathed light blonde locks in a vibrant shine. A young woman hurried out the door, tapping her toe on the ground to right her shoe. She had dressed appropriately for a harvest festival, long pale pink skirts swaying around her legs.

The excitement caused her heart to rapidly thud and constrict, and she winced, placing her hand on her chest.

“Mind yourself, Yui.”

She glanced over her shoulder, forcing a smile. “I’m alright. Don’t worry, Father.”

“I suppose you’ll be seeing that boy again,” Seiji Komori’s eyes narrowed as he lingered within the threshold to their home. “Don’t let him exhaust your heart.”

She waved, shrugging off his warnings and running in the direction of the square. No force on earth would keep her from a meeting with Loys.

A maypole had been erected in the village square, and children danced around it, weaving the ribbons together. Men and women minded stalls. Foods were placed out for everyone, and she entered the dance that had begun, weaving around partners that spun in wonderful circles, waltzing.

“Kitty!” Arms wrapped around her, and Yui stiffened, before laughing as Kou spun her out.

“I’m sorry Kou, I can’t stay, I have to find Loys.”

“Ahhh that guy again?” He pulled her back to him,  frowning. “You don’t find it a lil weird that he disappears all the time? And there’s no way he lives in the village. Somethin’s not-“

“Oi, problem?” A new voice caused her cheeks to flush as familiar white hair caught her eye and she was pulled into new arms.

“No, not at all,” she smiled, completely clueless as Kou stepped back, glaring.

Loys returned it, jaw ticking. Yui placed her hands on his shoulders, and he gentled slightly even as his calloused palms grasped her fragile fingers.

They danced for what felt like hours. A happy noise escaped her lips when he gripped her waist, pulling her in as they turned. He was a surprisingly good dancer, but it had taken months to coax this side out of him.

“I don’t dance.” He’d glared, arms crossed as she discovered his little hideaway in a dingy ally on the outskirts of the square. It had been the winter solstice, on the very night they’d first met and become such a strange pair. For some reason, she’d felt he was running from something.

“Do you not know how?”

“I know plenty. Too much. Ain’t dancin’, no way in hell.”

“That’s fine, but I could really use a partner,” she’d winced, rolling her ankle. She’d twisted it- but it was expected she’d perform for the solstice. Yui had become the village’s star dancer, excelling in ballroom and ballet.

She could remember him lifting her onto his feet, and awkwardly trying to complete the steps of the dance. All the while he’d grumbled.

‘It’s the reason I fell in love with you, Loys.’ Yui smiled, heart thundering. She could only dance a few hours a day due to her condition. Father kept strict tabs on her. But with Loys she felt strong and sure.

Loys’ lashes lowered, and he leaned down, gathering her close and stopping amidst the dancers. He pressed his lips to hers, causing her to inhale and grip his shoulders tight. She practically radiated happiness, nothing could be better-

“Everyone! Everyone look, come quick! The nobles are here!”

“The nobles are passing through!”

Loys ripped his mouth away from hers, looking up. Yui was lost in a daze before she felt herself be planted down on her feet after reaching cloud nine.

“I gotta go. Be back later,” he quickly muttered, kissing her flushed cheek.

“W-wait!” She reached out, but it was already too late, his form swallowed by the crowd. Feeling herself be pushed and prodded back, Yui was helpless to do much else but watch as the five nobles of House Sakamaki came into sight. It was rumoured there was six, but Subaru, the youngest brother had become an infamous recluse.

Yui stared, watching them atop their steeds. Each one carried a sword at the hip, with a symbol upon the scabbard. Proof of their blood and superior heritage.

She swallowed, averting her gaze.

“Kitty! Kit- ah hell, YUI! Yui I found it!”

She turned her attention to Kou, who grinned madly, pushing through the enamoured crowd. He held aloft a single item. A sword. Exactly the same as the one's nobility wore at their sides.

“K-Kou, where did you get that?” Her voice turned thin.

“I finally found his hiding place. That guy Loys, he’s one of them, Yui. He’s a noble!” Kou hissed.

“W-what? Kou, please don’t be ridiculous-“ she snatched it off him

But it was too late. Someone spotted it, and soon new shouts entered the air. Things like ‘thief’ and ‘robber.’

“Oh my, oh my, oh my~ what do we have here?”

A shadow fell over them, and Yui gripped the sword tight, cowering as a large horse bore down on them. A rider with red hair smiled sharply, reaching down to grasp her wrist.

“Has a naughty girl stolen my little brother’s sword? How humiliating for him. Tell me, did you steal it after pleasuring him?” Laito purrs, green eyes glittering. “A person is most fragile after experiencing true bliss, wouldn’t you agree?”

The crowds began to murmur, saying there must be some mistake, as sweet Yui would never steal. Reiji Sakamaki clicked his tongue, easing his horse to continue on. They needed to stay on schedule. Yui tugged at her wrist, the colour draining from her face when he didn’t let go.

“I’m going to enjoy making you fragile over and over again,” Laito purred in her ear, before Kou tried to yank her from his grip, a scuffle breaking out.

“Oi!”

They stopped. Yui turned her head, instantly brightening.

“Loys!”

“Subaru~”

Yui froze, glancing up at Laito. She then slowly turned back to look at the white-haired young man, whose red eyes had turned sombre.

“Loys…why- what’s going on?”

“Is that the name he’s called himself? How cute. Did he also tell you he has a fiancée waiting for him back home?” Laito smiled.

Yui flinched as though she’d been struck. What was worse- Subaru hung his head, hands squeezing into tight fists.

It’s…true?

Rose-pink eyes stared ahead sightlessly. She then felt her shoulders be grasped. Townsfolk that didn’t understand the situation urged her to the middle of the square.

‘You really should see her dance, milords-“ and, “she’s graceful as a swan! Please stay and watch!’ Filled her ears.

And so, Yui danced.

Her legs moved mindlessly, and she swayed like a marionette, dipped this way and that. All the while, her heart thrummed against the wall of her chest. Slowly, with every thud, a little piece was chipped off. She raised sorrowful eyes, gaze locking with Loys, no- Subaru’s.

He stared back, expression contrite and regretful.

Even then she loved him, oh how she loved him.

Her dance moved faster and faster, becoming more erratic. Her arms bent up, spine arching as she gazed at the heavens and inhaled, chocking on a sob when the corset dug into her ribs.

 The heavy weight in her chest crumbled and split free into pieces, and the dancing girl danced no more.

------

They say that Kou Mukami, the gamekeeper, drowned himself in the very lake Yui’s grave sat beside, overlooking the water.

Were you to ask her father, however, he’d say that spirits preyed upon the boy and had forced him to dance until he’d died.

Much like the village’s beloved star.

Subaru didn’t listen. He didn’t think much of anything. Or speak. He’d come to resemble his brother Shuu, listlessly visiting her grave often and placing white roses atop it. His betrothed meant nothing to him. He’d never wanted that life. Perhaps that was what made him such a brat, but with her, with Yui- she’d eased his loneliness. Her smile had been dumb, and she’d chatted nonsense, but hell she’d been perfect and kind, forgiving of his rough hands.

The only person who’d given a damn was dead now, joining his long-deceased mother, who had also been proficient in ballet. She’d taught him everything about dance. He’d loathed it so much after she’d died- until Yui had breathed life into his steps again.

He grit his teeth. What was even the point anymore?

On one such night, he started upright beside her tombstone, a terrible, vile chill shuddering down his spine. Subaru stood, his sleep-deprived eyes taking in the sight of eleven ghostly figures standing atop the surface of the lake.

They wore fine white dresses, their images shimmering with an ethereal quality- at times like that of gossamer. They all began to dance, spinning in tight circles and raising their arms as they leapt over the water.

One such pale apparition raised her hand to Subaru, beckoning.

He raised his palm, gaze flat.

“I don’t dance,” he muttered in a hoarse voice. When had he last eaten, again?

“Do you not know how?”

Muscles froze, locking in place. His throat constricted, and Subaru turned his head, finding a pale pink form to his left. “I know plenty,” he rasped, legs shaking and threatening to send him to his knees. “Too much. Ain’t dancin’, no way in hell…”

Yui smiled softly, a phantom wind caressing her hair as she extended a hand. “That’s fine, but I could really use a partner.”

He did not refuse, eagerly taking her hand that still felt soft and warm in his own larger one. He danced with her, performing the same lifts- still able to hold her close and embrace her. She even smelled the same. He could almost fool himself into believing she were still alive. He apologised endlessly into her hair, tears pricking his eyes as bone white fingers latched into her dress tightly.

A soft touch stroked his hair.

“It’s alright…I forgive you,” she murmured. “I forgive you, Subaru.”

He exhaled hard, own heart shaking in his chest. Yet even as he tried to stop, they continued to dance, moving closer to the shore of the lake, until his feet splashed in the water as they performed a pas de deux. His breath shuddered, feeling a strong force urging him to move deeper into the lake.

“Stop,” Yui soon interjected, staring not at him but at the ghostly women. “Please stop. Leave him alone. I don’t want this.” Her firm voice eased, brows pulling together. “I don’t want the man I love to die.”

Their expressions thinned, incensed. And yet his feet slowed, gaining control.

Soon, their dancing died down, and Subaru merely held her, gently swaying in the shallows while her dress trailed into the water.

Come sunrise, however, his touch skimmed through her. She slowly vanished with each creeping ray of light upon her face.

He waited, and at night, she returned once again to his arms. In this way, they continued for a long time, with the moon as their only witness.

 They say that Subaru Sakamaki drowned himself after Kou Mukami, for the very same reason: it was all to reach the angel ballerina that danced upon the surface of the moonlit lake.

Sometimes though, others had claimed to see her with a partner, dancing a perfect pas de deux.

 End

#subayui #Yui komori #diabolik lovers #Subaru Sakamaki #dl fanfiction

[thatfairyfangirl]

True Colors Chapter 22

AN- totally using Deadpool Collosus here because he is too good for this world

Over the next week rumor of your disappearance flooded the city. For days you received texts from Tony Steve Bucky...even Ali to check on you...all went unanswered. You just didn't know what to say. Besides, you had work to do in regaining control over your powers. To the professor it was no surprise that you were having trouble with them in your current depressive state. After all, they were directly tied to your emotions.

Though you were in hiding it did feel a little refreshing to be back at the school. It did feel nice to reconnect with your school friends again. You almost forgot what life was like before the avengers came along, before the fame. Your days were spent relearning skills you long since forgot...like how to cook a proper meal, and reteaching yourself your power control. Finding that light inside you seemed impossible, but if it could be done it would be here.

As you sat with your morning coffee playing with what has since Christmas become your signature necklace you listened to students rushing by to class. Off in the hall you could hear a young girl mentioning to her friends how amazing it was to have you here, her hero, how she hoped she'd grow up to be just like you. For the first time since the break up a soft almost smile crept into your lips as you were reminded of all the good you did for the world...all the lives you were changing. With an extra sip of your coffee you mustered up your energy, finding that little light deep down that drove you forward. Not much, but enough to reawaken the part of your power that let you mask the depressed black in your hair with a rainbow before getting up to find the source of the voice. She didn't look much older than you when you first went to the school, black eyes and violet hair pairing gracefully with a pair of iridescent wings. Her eyes lit up as you placed a hand on her shoulder. “Always follow your dreams and never run from your problems and you'll turn out worlds better than I ever did.” You shot the girl a weak smile before leaving her to get to wherever she has to be, allowing the colors to remain as she rushed out of sight. It may be forced color, but knowing it was there made you feel a little more like yourself again… Besides, it was probably about time you followed your own advice.

~~~~

“Spectrum!” Xavier shot you a proud smile seeing your colors had returned. “Feeling better today I see.”

“Not entirely...but enough to fake it till I make it.” You answered with a shrug and a half smile. “Look, I should probably be getting back to the city. I sorta left a few things that I need to see through. And a few more that I should probably resolve.”

“You mean like you and Winter Soldier?” A Russian accent asked from the hall, having paused hearing the conversation. It was hard for you to not recognize Colossus. You remembered having some classes with him, some training...from what you remembered he was pretty strong, especially in his metal form.

“Yes Piotr,” you weren't sure if you wanted to smile or groan at the mention of Bucky. “Like me and Bucky...maybe...I'm not entirely sure if there's anything there to save.”

“And your attackers?” Xavier asked, obviously worried that you wouldn't be able to fend them off a second time without the aid of your abilities.

“Well when I was a kid practicing focus on my hair was one of the first steps you had me do… And I'm not exactly helpless on my own without them” you argued, not sure if you were convincing him or yourself.

“Someone attacked you Spektr?” (Russian for Spectrum) Colossus asked, obviously behind on the news as to why you were back in the first place. Both his sister and his girlfriend were fans of your music, have been since school. So the idea of someone hurting you didn't sit well at all with him. “Please then, let me come with you, for extra protection.” Both you and the professor agreed that considering you don't know who tried grabbing you or why that was probably the best idea.

~~~~

A week with no word from you...Tony and Bucky were starting to worry. The two often throughout the week went to each other to talk the other down, convince themselves you were off somewhere safe brooding. But the time finally came that Bucky needed confirmation on this. He may have been angry that you were being so childish to not let anyone know you were so much as alive but he still loved you till the end of the line.

He looked up to the posters surrounding the theater as he wandered up, hands shoved in his pockets. There you were leaning against that Technicolor dream boat standing above the line ‘Any dream will do’. He sneered at the man who started this, drove you away from him as his fears whirred and his fist clenched. He felt sure if anyone knew where she was it would be him.

As he let himself into the theater he spied off in the corner Mike and the guy he recognized as the Pharaoh tangled around each other as they shared a seat. Bucky froze at the sight, were they...making out? Mike perked up hearing the door, hoping it would be you. “Oh Bucky thank God!” He cried out spotting you, abandoning his boy toy. “Is (y/n) with you?” He asked with a hopeful worry in his voice.

The question hit him like a ton of bricks.“What? She isn't here?!”

“No. She's been gone all week. Since she wasn't answering our calls or texts We assumed she was called out to a mission. She is alright isn't she?” Bucky blinked at Mike's assumptions...did...did he not know? “Where is she?”

“I...I thought she was with you.”

The entire cast muttered with worry. They lost their leading lady...their friend. As if on que phones began to go off one by one as your mass text delivered itself. “Hey I'm sorry if I worried you. I have been at Xavier’s. It is a long story. I'll be back in town tomorrow.” Bucky looked down to his phone, waiting for the message but nothing.

“You should send to him too.” Colossus urged as he drove you on your way back into the city. “I would be beside myself if Kitty disappeared for week.” He smiled with a hearty chuckle. “Besides, even a fool can see you miss him.”

You just shook your head, that was something you just weren’t ready for…”Well Piotr...unlike you and Kitty, Bucky and I aren’t together anymore.” You let out a sigh looking out the window, seeing the theater roll by, thinking about maybe stopping by to see if anyone was still rehearsing. “Maybe tomorrow... Right now I really could use some coffee.” You sighed as the lights of the city passed over you, recharging you in a way that nothing else in the world ever could. As nice as home brewed coffee was it didn’t hold a candle anywhere close to the tiramisu latte this little place offered, and best of all it was well hidden enough that the press left you alone while you were there. “Piotr I can’t thank you enough for this. To be honest I’m not sure if I would have been brave enough to go out in public on my own with my powers still out and those guys still out there.” You smiled as you sipped at your latte, letting it comfort you.

“Is my pleasure Spektr!” He proclaimed happily as one of his metallic hands clamped down on your shoulder. You knew it was meant for support, but feeling it there….all it could make you think about was Bucky and how much you missed him. “Besides...Kitty and Illyana are big fans.” A half chuckle escaped your lips as you set your coffee down. Outside Bucky walked past the window on his way back to the tower from the theater, the light of the setting sun shining against the metal of his arm, flashing you in the eyes as he passed. The late summer breeze picked up his hair, making it dance behind him as he moved. Eyes closed he drew in a deep breath as he passed by what was once a daily stop, though he hadn’t really been in since you left. But after having the confirmation you didn’t care enough to let him know you were alive he needed the bitter comfort it would provide.

Bucky stopped in the middle of the doorway seeing the two of you across the shop, feeling as if his heart was ripping in two as he watched you with him. Your heart raced as you sat forward watching him. His mind raced through every emotion as his eyes darted everywhere but you, not wanting to admit you were there with someone else.

Out of the corner of the metal giant’s eyes he noticed a sudden spike of pink about you as you watched Bucky move closer. “Knew it.” Poitr remarked with a smug smirk, Russian accent hitting Bucky’s ears like a grenade. In what felt like a flash his long dark hair whipped over his face to turn to you….A metal Russian...Bucky couldn’t tell if you were clinging to the idea of him or just had that much of a metal kink...after all he remembered how much you loved when he would use his cybernetic arm. He turned to the counter not being able to bare looking at you any longer, feeling his heart break all over again.

“Two regulars.” Bucky said flatly to the barista. “To go.” He waited with his eyes on the floor, not able to take one more look at you or who he assumed was your new romance.

“...Bucky…” You finally spoke up as his hand rested on the door to leave, willing courage into yourself. He looked up in response to his name. “I-” But he really didn’t want to hear what you had to say. In silence he turned and left you there.

Bucky tossed out the second coffee as he entered the tower, only having got it because you were there with someone else in an attempt to make it look like he was picking it up for someone else...a stupid idea he wasn’t even sure why he had it.

#marvel #marvel x reader #Avengers #avengers x reader #bucky #Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #Winter Soldier #winter solider x reader

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

[friendlycybird]

Season 3 Reactions - Part 1

I’ve developed a strange association since I’ve begun listening to The Magnus Archives.  I don’t know how it started but somehow, my go-to food choice for listening is, for some reason, Cup of Noodles. Chicken Flavor, Typically.  I don’t understand how this happened, or why, but I strongly associate Cup of Noodle with TMA and I will never understand it, I’ll just go with it. So it is with a Styrofoam cup of cooking noodles set beside my computer that I begin this post.

I’m halfway through season 3, which I was told way back when I was halfway through season one would be the big Lore building season. I just didn’t anticipate how much.  I know so much more now then I did at the end of last season, and I’m fully aware I’ve only scratched the surface. So, as of right now, here’s what I think of the first half of season 3. 

81. Jon’s awareness of his personality flaws dating all the way back to childhood is, on one hand, good. On the other, I’m always wary when I hear a parental figure described as having “done their best” with a troublesome child...I’m never convinced that was a healthy upbringing. 

82. I have a lot of feelings about Martin’s unwavering faith in Jon. Well, unwavering may be a slightly strong word for it but I almost cried when he had that pleased reaction to being told people say he and Jon are close. 

83. I love Georgie. Also, I am of course, not surprised that it was a circus display, of all things, that went wrong in this statement. 

84. I am so happy that Martin’s reading statements now? I mean. I’m not happy for Martin since reading statements is obviously extremely draining and difficult but I love Martin so getting more of him is always good for me, however bad it may be for him. Also, Melanie stepping in to replace Sasha gives me some...mixed feelings. I really like Melanie and I’m glad to have her on board but this...this kinda makes it real, you know? I think this is when that last bit of hope I was still stupidly clinging to, even after Leitner stated point-blank that Sasha was dead, finally died as well. Sasha’s well and truly gone and has been since season one.  It’s Melanie’s turn. 

85. I’ve heard this rhyme before. Taking it to its logical conclusion like this was deeply unsettling. 

86. This episode was a reminder exactly why I didn’t use to listen to TMA at night. I’ve become a lot more flexible on the subject, and yes, I regret it. I fully intended to sleep with the lights on after I listened to this episode. My partner needed it off so she could get to sleep though so I gave in and settled for just not being alone. 

87. I’ve listened to... thirteen episodes after this one. Thirteen. When I listened to this episode, Gertrude’s closing comments were...largely nonsensical to me. All I knew was that something was that she’d been injured somehow, and that this statement suggested an unexpected alliance between avatars and a rushed timeline for The Unknowing. Already a lot of information.  I just went back and read the transcript of her closing statement and...there’s so much here. The connection between Gertrude and Jude Perry was one I picked up on a couple episodes later.  Looking at this now, it seems like a pretty clear who’s-who of the biggest players currently on the board. 

88. I love Martin and I genuinely feel so bad for him with all this.  Recording statements is hard and change is harder and everyone expecting him to know things. 

89. It’s not often anymore I hear a piece of media and have a bone-deep jealousy of the performer. Jude Perry is a character I want to play.  Her dialogue, her *statement*, her power, her...god. She’s just. She might be my favorite antagonist. 

90. Poor Tim. He tried to leave, he actually tried to just pack up and go, and it almost killed him. He hates this place with everything in him and hates himself for working there but he’s not ready to die just to stop. 

91. I can not tell you how taken aback I was by the fact that the first line we hear from Mike Crew is “You’re sure I can’t get you a cup of tea?” The fact that it seems all he really wants is to be left alone with his powers makes him...I can’t properly say sympathetic. Not after episode 75 but close enough that I’m a little sad Daisy killed him.

92. I was...genuinely prepared to come out of this hating Elias. God knows everyone who was in that room did. I don’t though.  Elias comes off to me as nothing so much as the tutor who’s finished his masters thesis on a subject and is sitting down with a first-year undergrad in that subject and trying to explain that yes, I absoloutly could tell you exactly how all of this works but if you don’t learn it for yourself you’ll never pass your tests.  Except, with the stakes turned up to 11. I think about Elias a lot. I don’t...I’m not as attached to him as I am to the others, to everyone else who was in that room...but I like him. He’s...interesting. 

93. Admiral is a good kitty, comforting Jon like that at the beginning. But the exchange toward the end I will never be over is “I don’t want to talk about it.” “Tough.” “Look, I’m moving out anyway, so just...just forget it. I’m out of your life. Alright?” “No.”  - Just. Georgie’s absolute refusal to take Jon’s shit and insistence on actually properly *helping* him - I love her. 

94. I remember we’ve seen this philosophy before, the idea that “The moment that you die will feel exactly the same as this one.” the idea that the present and the future are not distinct from one another. I can’t remember what episode it came up in before but also the thought that - accepting that? Accepting the...smallness? Of the universe? Of the human experience? Would just kill you where you stand or, if you survive it, stop you from ever feeling fear again? That’s...a powerful statement really. And one I’m not sure I agree with? It’ll take some time to unpack the philosophy here. 

95. Poor Martin. I say that a lot but no really, poor Martin. He’s trying so hard and it’s all just too much. For him to give up on professionalism is just sad. His exchange with Basira at the end is another look into the philosophy it seems the show is building. What do you do in the face of helplessness?  “You make the best of things.” Basira says. Of course, as interested as I am in the overall message of TMA (beyond always carry a fucking flashlight, which was the lesson I took from season 1 and now there’s one clipped to my purse) I’m even more overwhelmed by the fact that the idea of escaping himself never occurred to Martin. 

96. Feels good to get some answers about Breekon and Hope finally. Proper ties to the circus it seems, although the questions from episode 93 all still stand.  TMA is really good at it, at giving you an answer, and it’s definitely an answer you know something you didn’t - and yet, none of your actual questions have been answered. 

97. As if it wasn’t enough that the statement hit a little closer to home than the typical TMA episode as I live in Oregon, so less then 500 miles from whatever the fuck that pit was. Of course, when the statement occurred I was safely down in California but all the same, unnerving.  As if THAT WASN’T ENOUGH. Fucking. Orsinov fucked me up, guys. I was *shaking*.  I don’t know what it is but she is, as a character, well beyond terrifying. I. I don’t have words for how much she scares me. I don’t even know why. I just. Everything about her is just. Fuck. 

98. I quite enjoyed Tim pointing out the problem with the “They can never know I have to project them” bullshit that Jon is prone to. That said, I find it ironic that Tim can, in the space of a page, go from calling the Institute, and by extension the Eye, evil, to saying “ignorance isn’t going to save anyone.” - because that’s what The Eye seems to be. Just knowledge. Observing, Learning, Knowing.  It’s not...at least...I don’t know that it’s as evil as Tim thinks it is.  Ruthless, detached, inhuman, yes. Evil? I’m not at all sure of that. 

99. Another American Statement, this time about The Dust Bowl. We also get names of several more...powers. The Spiral, The Buried, The Hunt. But more then that. We find out that Michael use to be Gertrude’s Assistant!  Which. Is he like Mike? Did something change him? He always felt...older...than that? It would explain why he seems to have so much curiosity toward the archive and the archivist though...

100. and finally, an anthology of sorts, of what happens when people who don’t have The Archivist’s ability try to take statements live. Two things stand out to me about this.  The first? Martin, you absoloute sweetheart why are you trying to pay the woman? She gave you fuckall and might not even have been telling the truth.  And also... “Elias can be quite... ‘protective’ of his people.”  Like. !!!!!!! I mean.  After reading that statement, that whole speech for Jon before everyone got there back in episode 92... after all that and people like Peter Lukas still see Elias as ‘protective’  ...I..you know I think it might be true? His total lack of anger when Melanie tried to poison him and just the fact that he’s trying so hard to prepare Jon? I don’t know. It’s funny, I’m always inclined to think the best of people. With Elias though, I’m not so quick to think there might be anything genuinely good to him, but, I definitely can’t see him as evil either. 

#Cybird Says Things #about TMA #The Magnus Archives