#listen there is this text effect i tried to do but it just wasnt working

[forursmiles]

AND THEY’LL NEVER WAKE UP -K.S

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #thai drama #bible sumettikul #build jakapan #vegaspete #vegas x pete #biblebuild #samblr #tonanons #usernuria #listen there is this text effect i tried to do but it just wasnt working #im very tempted to redo this set cuz it would have looked wayyyy cooler #gifset edit #lahari

[loverholland]

Bestie Peter decides to surprise you on a night out patrolling but when he gets to your window, he overhears you on the phone talking about some guy (it's you telling your bestie about Peter but he doesn't know) and then he asks about it and you confess?!

sorry for improper grammar and capitalization, it's late and i'm on my phone

a normal tuesday night always consisted of Peter's patrol. he would go and get a sandwich from his favorite sub shop, a slush ie and a water. 6.50. he'd go back to his apartment and change into his suit. then he'd sneak out. he always brought his backpack and made sure to keep it at his "secret-but-not-so-secret" hide out. he always brought it just in case he has some off time and can do homework. he'd patrol from 7:30-4am typically and if he wasn't, he had eyes out to let him know. not super effective, but he got to actually sleep sometimes so it works for him.

but tonight was particularly slow. nothing much was happening and he had done all of his homework, Aunt May was on a date and Ned had Betty over. Two of his go to people were going to fuck tonight and he was on patrol. he could shake his head at the thought, disgusted at the thought of all of that. but he knew that y/n didn't have anything going on for the night. they had mentioned it at lunch today and that's when it his. Peter could surprise y/n. of course, they might be upset after, but he'll deal with that when the time comes. but he loved the idea, so from the queens bank, he swung north and towards the apartment building that y/n lived in.

it takes him maybe 10 minutes to the get to their fire escape. they had a few plants out on it, toad and toadert, some sort of big plant. Peter hung for a moment to catch his breath before bringing his body up and over the railing. he stood there for a moment, looking thru the window that was partially open and a sheer curtain over it. peter removed his mask and smiled as he watched them pace their room, a hand in their hair.

they were on the phone with someone and it sounded like a private conversation but peter couldn't help but to listen to their words. they sounded so in love... and it's not with him. at that very moment, he felt his heart completely break in half and stomped on. he knew that he was in love with them, always has. he always thought they felt the same way - sharing longing gazes, soft touches, quiet words. he's seen the way they look at one another. he might've over thought it, maybe? but nonetheless.

"no, like, he's really sweet, marianne. i promise, i've known him for like... ever." they giggled and threw their head back. Peter took a step back, putting on his mask. "i think i'm in love with him, mari. like seriously."

Peter's eyes weld up with hot tears. he bit his lip and turned his back before shooting out a web to a building close by and swinging away.

he immediately went to his hide out, packed his things and then went home. he sent a text to his big crew group chat and went home. he didn't want to be seen. he didn't want to talk to anyone. he just wanted to be alone to feel this heartbreak alone. it wasn't like it was his first, god no. but it hurt worse. he couldn't even believe how bad it hurt. it felt like his heart was a piano string and every time it played, the strings snapped.

as soon as he was home, he stripped and got in bed. not daring to look at his phone or his room which was surrounded in y/n's things. peter snuggled into his blankets and sobbed. tears running down his eyes endlessly and his chest heaved into itself. he was like that for what felt like hours before he finally fell asleep, softly snoring into the wet fabric. finally at peace for a minute. a moment in time where he is able to rest and that's what he did. peter rested up until 4:27am, when a knock sounded from his window. he woke up instantly, ready to fight anyone and everyone at his window. but with closer inspection, he noticed the bright blue hoodie and necklaces that he knew far too well.

y/n. fucking hell.

peter scrambled to grab a pair of pants before he unlocked and slide open the window, allowing y/n into his bedroom. they looked exhausted and they threw their hands up over their head to catch a few breaths.

"what the fuck!" peter whisper shouted.

"i could say the same to you."

"what do you mean?"

y/n scoffed. "seriously? you say that you can't patrol because something "came up" and then you don't answer you phone for what? 6 hours or something?"

"i'm sorry, i just... wasnt felling well and fell asleep when i got home."

"liar. you were crying."

"i was not!"

"petey, babe," ouch. "i can see that your eyes are swollen. your voice is hoarse. i know you like the back of my hand, i know when it's not just feeling ill."

peter stared at them, his red eyes stinging every time he blinked. he wanted to cry all over again as the heartbreak filled his mind and heart again. without a single thought, peter asked them the age old question.

"who were you talking about?" peter asked, voice trembling.

"what?"

"i... came to surprise you and you were on the phone and i didn't mean to listen to your conversation with mari but your window was open and i was just there and i just heard. i didn't mean to but..." peter sniffled. "who was it about?"

y/n took a moment to take in the rambles and in that moment, peter's eyes screwed shut and tears began to fall. his fists balling as he tried to stop himself.

"petey," y/n started, taking one of his balled up hands and releasing it before intertwining their fingers together. "it was you. it was about you, baby."

"it..." peter started, a sob releasing. in a weird way he needed to let it go. relief washed over him and y/n wrapped their arms around peter's body.

"it was about you. i love you." she soothed. "i cant picture a life without you. i think about you all the time. i miss you all the time. i just want to be with you."

peter's breathing calmed and he blinked for a moment, looking down at them. they offered a small smile, that he tried to return. so many thoughts ran through his head.

"i love you." peter stated, leaning down and kissing them for the first time. it wasn't the longest kiss, but it was sweet, tender and filled with love. peter wished he could have had that kiss for a second longer, but they pulled back laughing.

"you're all snotty." they giggled. "but i love you." they pecked his lips before pulling him to the bed. "let's sleep."

ask box 🌙

#mine #harryhollandsgirlfriend #ask #peter parker imagine #peter parker blurb

[lilacs-fandom-garden]

Incorrect Sanscent Quotes 2

Ships: 

Errorink

Dustberry

Horrorlust

Kreme

Crossmare

Scifell

Afterdeath

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: There is no good reason why we can’t sit down and have a conversation!

Error: I have a reason.

Ink: Which is?

Error: I. Dont. Like. You! 

Ink: Really?! You cant say one thing you like about me!?

Error: ...

Error: I like it when your sad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Random Person: Wow I’m surprised that those idiots haven’t gotten hurt yet.

Nightmare: ...Idiots? 

Nightmare: *turns around*

Nightmare: wait....

Nightmare: *sees that his crew is doing idiotic shit*

Nightmare: THOSE ARE MY IDIOTS-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Geno, to the the others: Imagine that someone gives you a box with something in it that you lost during your life.  

Ink: Wow! My mental stability, where did you find it?  

Dream: My sanity! I haven't seen this in years!  

Blue: I knew I'd lost that happiness somewhere!  

Geno: ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Geno: I swear one of these days I will grab your neck with both of my hands and break it.

Reaper: How? You cant even reach it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Error: I cant believe we are stuck in this room together!

Ink swallowing the key: Yes truly unfortunate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: Im sorry, what are you supposed to be again?

Ink: Im going as me...

Ink: But sexier.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: Im not mad, I just want to know why you guys would need a fake ID.

Ink: *incoherent mumbling*

Dream: what?

Blue: You need to be over 18 to hold the pets at PetCo...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: Attention crew, this is your captain speaking, we’re about to be experiencing some heavy turbulence shortly so please strap in. Blue just betted that i couldn’t do a 360 barrel roll in this thing and let’s just say that i’m about to be 20 bucks richer real soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: Did you bring the sun boy?

Killer: What?

Cross: You know, the star sans that makes you giggle all the time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: What are you 5?

Ink: Yeah, five heads taller than you!

Blue:

Ink:

Ink: Im sorry please dont kill me—

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: What are we doing?

Cross: Wasting our lives.

Nightmare: I meant for lunch.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: He died of natural causes.

Horror: You pushed him off the roof...

Killer: Gravity is natural.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: At least im going to die doing something that I love.

Error: And that is?

Nightmare: Dying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: How long are we going to stand here and let him keep doing that?

Dream: Just give him a minute.

Ink: *pushing on a door that clearly says pull*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: Everyone knows the four steps of being apart of the Bad Sanses.

Dust: 1. Make a plan

Dust: 2. Execute the plan

Dust: 3. Expect the plan to go horribly wrong

Dust: 4. Wing the hell out of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: Okay guys who painted the Mona Lisa?

Killer and Blue: Mona Lisa...?

Ink: No it was DaVinci....

Killer and Blue: DA VINKY....?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*playing truth or dare*

Horror: Okay...uh, Killer? Truth or Dare?

Killer: Dare. 

Horror: I dare you to call Classic Sans’s, Papyrus. 

Killer: Thats easy. 

Killer: Siri call Pappy. 

Siri: Calling “Daddy”....

Killer: WAIT NO- NO- NO!!

*Dreams phone rings*

Everyone: ....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: I didnt get that drunk last night.

Killer: Dude you literally started flirting with Blue.

Dust: So what? He’s my boyfriend.

Horror: You asked if he was single...

Cross: And cried when he said he wasnt. 

Dust: I-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: I smacked a mosquito that tried to bite me, and I killed it.

Blue: Then i thought, “Its just trying to get its food.” 

Blue: What if I tried to get food from the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck....

Blue: How would I feel?

Lust: Are you okay...?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: *spins around in a chair ominously* I’ve been expecting y—

Nightmare: *chair continues spinning* shit-

Nightmare: *tries to stop spinning* shit!

Nightmare: *tries to grab something to stop spinning* sHIT!

Nightmare: *falls out of chair* SHIT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust under his breath: Future husband say what-

Horror: What?

Lust: [internal screams of joy]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror: Wow Boss you’re smiling a lot did something good happen?

Nightmare: Can’t I just smile because I’m happy?

Cross sighing: Killer fell down the stairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: Okay, I have a plan but I need some help.

Dream: *spins a wheel with everyones names on it* Sci, its your turn.

Sci: Damn it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: Would you slap Ink for 2 million dollars?

Error: I would roundhouse kick him in the face for free.

Dream: Same. 

Blue: Guys-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Hey Dream do you have two tongues in your mouth?

Dream: What? No.

Killer: Do you want to?

Dream: W-what-

Ink: What?

Blue: What?

Horror: What?

Dust: What?

Nightmare: WHAT.

Killer: wHaT- wHo sAiD tHaT?! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror about to murder Dust for breaking his lego death star: I know what you are going to say... he’s my friend and I should try to get along with him-

Killer who helped build the lego death star: Oh no he’s crazy and needs to go down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror: I put the laughter in manslaughter.

Error: I put the fun in funeral 

Blueberry: I put the D in Dust. 

Killer: *chokes*

Dream: What-

Dust: You smooth little fuck. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink (rolling unsteadily on heelys): JESUS TAKE THE WHEELYS—

Blue: INK NO-

Error: WHO GAVE HIM THOSE?!?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: If Nightmare kills us, Im going to get Horror’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the accordion so my ghost can annoy the hell out of your ghost.

Dust: I’ll just get Killers ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.

Killer: My ghost wont associate with your ghost.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror: I did a bad thing...

Dust: Does it effect me?

Horror: No-

Dust: Than suffer in silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Wait- so I could have just told Dream I was in love with him?!

Blue: I mean yeah.

Ink: What did you say instead?

Killer: I told him I was straight!

Dust: Killer, no ones going to believe that.

Killer: Oh thank god!

Ink: No one except Dream.

Killer: Shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: I feel only one emotion and that is anger

Killer: You drunk texted everyone of us a thousand heart emojis...

Nightmare: Out of anger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror: I need to get something off my chest-

Lust whispering to himself with crossed fingers: please say its your shirt- please say your shirt...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror: *choking*

Dust: iM tRyiNg tO cALL 911! But the 9 isn’t working!

Killer: Just flip your phone upside down and use the number 6!!

Horror stopping his choking for a second: what the f-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Have you been yelled at by Nightmare yet?

Cross: I’m not scared of him.

Killer: So thats a no-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Geno: Wait. Are you flirting with me?

Reaper: Have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: Do any of you know how to drive?

Dust: Does it look like we had our lives together enough to learn how to drive?

Cross: I mean- I played Grand Theft Auto before...

Nightmare: Alright that works, Killer got us a van. Lets get going.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: *Locks Dust in the car.* Act like a child, get treated like a child.

Dust: What? Isn't it illegal to leave a child locked in a car?

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Nightmare: *Answers phone.* Hello?

Cross: It's Cross.

Nightmare: What did he do this time?

Cross: No, it's me, Cross. It's actually me.

Nightmare: What did you do this time?

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Nightmare, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 *Sci and Fell are in Paris.*

Sci: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny?

Fell: But...

Sci: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and...

Fell: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception?

Sci: Yeah.

Fell: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe.

Sci: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION.

Fell: Okay, alright.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Error, about Ink: He's speaking some kind of French.

Cross: Let me handle it. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 Blue: How do tall people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you?

Dust: Blue, it's four o'clock in the morning.

Blue: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Dust: Damn, Sci, are you secretly cool?

Sci: Well, poker is just math, so I guess it depends on if you consider the mathematician, Carl Friedrich Gauss, cool.

Dust: I do not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Error: Are you trying to seduce me?

Ink: Why, are you seducible

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Who the fuck--

Cross: Language!

Killer: Whom the fuck--

Cross: No.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Killer(or Cross): We both look very handsome tonight.

Dream (or Nightmare): You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."

Killer (or Cross): I couldn't take that chance.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dram: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.

Ink: And you came to me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Blue: Between Error, Killer, Cross, and Ink -- if you had to -- who would you punch?

Dream: No one! They are my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.

Blue: Ink?

Dream: Yeah. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fell: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.

Sci: Aren't you forgetting something?

Fell: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Sci's forehead before running out.*

Sci (blushing a bit): No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Horror: So what do you have planned for the future?

Killer:...lunch?

Horror: No, like long term.

Killer: Oh...um, dinner?

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Random Person who just met Killer: What's wrong with you?

Killer: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: When you have lived with the Bad Sanses as long as I’ve had you develop thick skin.

Ink: Blue is not your color. 

Killer: BLUE BRINGS OUT MY NONEXISTENT EYES YOU JERK-!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: You’re stupid. 

Ink laughing: Is that all?!

Dream: Oh dont worry, give it time. It’ll eat at you.

[Later]

Ink: Am I stupid?

Blue: Just a little.

Ink: Damn him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Horror, just remember just because it can fit in your mouth. Doesn’t mean its food.

Horror: *spits out wrench*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: Oh my god, guys...Santa...he wont be able to reach us this year!

Ink: Um Blue-

Dream: Ink, I know what you are going to say, and im gonna stop you right there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: Nightmare can you call the Bad Sanses over, they arent listening. 

Nightmare: Why? I’m not their mother.

Cross: Just do it. 

Nightmare: Ugh, fine whatever.

Nightmare: GUYS! Get over here!

The Bad Sanses: *immediately runs over to Nightmare and are lined up like ducklings following their mother.*

Nightmare: I-

Cross:

Nightmare: Wait- no! I-im not! Listen... LISTEN! Im not their-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust: Name three things that would ruin a first date.

Ink: I- uhm, Shitting my pants-

Geno: saying I love you.

Dust: Killing them. 

Lust:

Geno:

Ink:

Dust:

Lust: Did this happen?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: You know, when I said yes to the Truce this is not what I expected to happen.

Dream: You and me both brother.

Blue and Dust: *almost burning down the kitchen*

Ink and Error: *having a contest on who can eat the most sweets before throwing up*

Lust and Horror: *watching the chaos and doing some wholesome flirting*

Sci, and Fell: *their experiments blowing up half the time*

Cross and Killer: *screaming on the railing of the second floor*

Geno: *passed out on the couch*

Reaper: *floating over Geno*

Nightmare and Dream: ....

Nightmare: Is it too late to return them all?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reaper, covering the phone to talk to Geno (or Lust take your pick): I'm talking to my credit card company. I tried to get an online subscription to the New Yorker and they declined me. Apparently, based on my previous purchases, they assumed it was fraud. That's crazy. I'm fancy. One time I had coffee-flavored ice cream.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!

Horror: It's kind of complicated, but Kill-

Nightmare: Got it. Forget I asked.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Ink, who is not named Kyle: So I said to myself: Kyle-

Blue: Wait, Kyle?

Ink: That's what I call myself.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Sci: Lust, where have you been? You left your cell phone in your desk and I assumed you were dead.

Lust: Uh, I would clearly be buried with my phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 *Watching a horror movie.*

Fell: Are you scared?

Sci: In this economy who wouldn't be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 Blue: I have edge.

Dust: You really don't. You are literally the most wide-eyed person I've ever seen. You have the face of a cartoon lamb.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: Just be yourself, say something nice.

Ink: Which one? I can't do both.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror: There's nothing that can dent our impenetrable bond.

Dust: I have a secret boyfriend.

Horror: You're dead to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Fell: Classic, I think you should play the role of my father.

Classic: I don't want to be your father.

Fell: That's perfect. You already know your lines.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Killer: Did you notice how hot your brother has gotten?

Nightmare: *Glares.*

Killer: Because I have not!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Sci: Everyone know what they're doing?

Lust: In general or the plan?

Sci: The plan, Lust.

Lust: *Sigh of relief.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 Killer, Fell, Dust, Error, or Nightmare: How do people not swear??? Like where does their anger go?? How do they show their enthusiasm??? What if they stub their toe??? Like saying golly gosh isn't really going to cut it Barbara.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 Ink: *Playing out of tune guitar.*

Error: Hey, you take requests?

Ink: Sure.

Error: Please stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 Fell: What's your biggest fear.

Classic: Being forgotten.

Fell: Damn that's deep.

Fell: Mine is the Kool-Aid man but I feel kinda stupid about it now.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Reaper: *Texts Geno about what kind of teddy grahams they want.*

Geno: Honey.

Reaper: Yea wassup.

Geno: Just realized u was saying the flavor you wanted. Not addressing me endearingly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 *In the chip aisle at Walmart, doing a late-night grocery run.*

Cross: *Minding my own business, looking for tortilla chips.*

Cross: *Finds tortilla chips.*

Dream, to Ink: See, he knows what he's here for. He knows what he's doing. Be more like him. MAKE A DECISION, INK.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 Killer: Is 4 a lot?

Horror: Depends on the context. Berries? No. Murders? Still no. Ex’es? Yes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fell: Be careful.

Classic: I always am.

Blue: I respectfully disagree.

Horror: I don't think any of us are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sci: I wasn’t sure what kind of chocolates you liked so I got them all.

Fell: Sci... there are like 300 boxes here.

Sci: I panicked, okay?!?! Valentine’s can be very stressful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: Alright I need you to swear-

Ink: Fuck!

Blue: AS IN PROMISE-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: So, I'm going to grab a healthy breakfast.

Dust: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?

Killer: Breakfast burrito, but yeah.

Dust: I pity your dentist.

Killer: Joke's on you. I don't have a dentist.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: Oh, babe. I didn't want whipped cream.

Killer: Well let me fix it for you, babe.

Ink: And this isn't soy.

Error: Sucks to be you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: [Pointing at the broken coffee machine.] So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Dream: ...I did. I broke it.

Nightmare: No. No you didn't. Dust?

Dust: Don't look at me. Look at Horror.

Horror: What?! I didn't break it.

Dust: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Horror: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Dust: Suspicious.

Horror: No it's not!

Reaper: If it matters, probably not, but Lust was the last one to use it.

Lust: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Reaper: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Lust: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Reaper!

Dream: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Nightmare.

Nightmare: No! Who broke it!?

Horror: Nightmare...Geno's been awfully quiet.

Geno: REALLY?!

[Everyone starts arguing.]

Nightmare: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: How much could I possibly owe you? Fifty/sixty bucks?

Nightmare: Two thousand, four hundred and thirty seven dollars.

Ink: Dollars?! Wait, of course dollars. Why was that the part I was surprised by?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: I guess that's your new best friend now, Dream. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.

Dream: I'm surprised you've read Othello.

Ink: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Lust: Reaper, don't take this the wrong way, but, you're insane.

Geno: That may well be, but the fact is, it wouldn't kill us to meet some new people.

Reaper: For the record, it could kill us to meet new people. They could be murderers or the carriers of unusual pathogens. And I'm not insane, my mother had me tested.

Lust: Reaper you’ve never had a mother-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust: Why are you crying?

Some random person: Because I'm stupid.

Sci: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#kreme #crossmare #incorrect quotes #sanscent #dustberry #scifell #bloodlust #horrorlust #errorink #driller #kream #dream sans #ink sans #swap sans #star sanses #bad sans gang #geno sans #afterdeath #Reaper Sans #cross sans #lust sans #sci sans #error sans #nightmare sans #killer sans #horror sans #dust sans #murder sans #sans #undertale

[iyliss]

What does ‘destiny’ means for Saiou and Edo.

Honestly, trying to explain precisely and without missings what « destiny » means in season 2 is rather impossible. I will probably forget things, or maybe aspects will contradict themselves somedays but I don’t really care. There’s too much to tell, and right now I will try to focus on exactly one aspect. What do Saiou and Edo means when they talk about destiny. (Also I will use more or less precise quotes and rephrasing, but I can give the specific lines and episodes. I just don’t like how pictures looks on posts like this, and Im really writing this for myself before anyone else). So. What do I mean by all that. The concept of destiny is often used by both Edo and Saiou but it appears that they don’t really put the same exact meaning behind it. Though when they talk to each other they mostly use it in similar way, some other iterations don’t exactly match. For exemple, Edo initially can’t believe Saiou’s predictions may change or turn out wrong, while Saiou treats it rather calmly. Edo also many times iterates that destiny is an immovable object, that humans can’t pretend alter, while Saiou talks a lot about changing it. So. What does it mean for the both of them and why does it hold different meaning ? And please do know that that is just a massive piece text.

First, let’s consider Edo’s meaning. As said, Edo begin by sincerely thinking that destiny is absolutely impossible to change. It’s something that dictate people’s life, but that they can’t escape nor control beyond having some knowledge of it. In his first duel against Judai, he specify that it is something determined at birth, and already is written as such. In a way, it’s a rather god-like concept : all powerful and beyond humans’ reach. I think this all ties in Edo’s inner desire of some kind of absolute justice. In the earliest episodes, Edo sincerely think there’s a difference between exceptionnal people, who were given abilities and an incredible fate to accomplish, and everyone else who can’t ever reach the firsts’ level. It’s a justice in the sense that everyone will receive in measure of their greatness eventually, which is only given and not chosen. It’s also a justice in the sense of good and evil. Edo clearly doesnt believe in any justice system, chasing criminals himself. As such, destiny is the consequences of being an inherently bad person, that any good person (that Edo surely take himself for) has the right to punish. This divine justice destiny influence as such most of Edo’s early personnality. The way he disrespects others, and the way he grows to view Saiou. One of the thing that made him unable to notice the quite morally wrong things Saiou was doing, is because he still believes that there’s a strict limit between good, innocent people, and those who commits crimes. And Saiou can’t possibly be on the second case. It is further strenghtend by the absoluteness of his concept of destiny, potentially projecting that, destiny being always right, Saiou who incarnates it for him must be as well.

As such, Edo’s challenge against destiny was majorly based on accepting that it does not exist, first by breaking the order it had built. It went by having to face that Saiou may not always be right, but also that he may not be as special as he thought. And that’s the part where Judai is possibly able to save Saiou. If it’s Judai, instead of him, then it means for Edo that he is not really exceptional. It means destiny is wrong, and it means rebuilding the fundation of his ego. That’s why Edo stops talking about destiny rather brutally. The moment the rules break, he can’t do much but let go of them. That’s why, when the Light and Saiou still tells him about destiny, he just ignores it. Between the moment he realized his destiny had lost meaning and then, he ended up viewing himself and Saiou as much more whole and human (and also realized believing in destiny hadn’t help him as much as Saiou in himself had).

As for Saiou’s destiny The way he talks about it make it seem a lot less rigid. At the end his goal is to change it, by meeting Edo, then by observing Judai. He accepts the changes he sees and, as seen in his duel against Manjoume, choice is allowed. His is closer to the uncontrollable consequences of things. It’s kind of the meaning of that duel. Around the end, Saiou asks Manjoume to shuffle his deck before he draws the card on top, which will mean Manjoume either win or lose.  Right there, Manjoume both has and has no choice. He can choose when to stop the shuffling but, in the end, not knowing what card is on top, he doesnt really control anything. Choice matters (it is what decides what card will be on top), but having the right card is not really under control. In all that, Saiou is in a position of knowing what card will be drawn, but not how. He knows the outcome, but not the execution. And this situation of knowing the outcome but having little control over the process is how he uses destiny. That’s his « destiny of destruction » : he knows that he will eventually go through this but is rather powerless when it comes to preventing it. Edo is going to save him ? Sure but he doesnt know why or how, the best he can do is make sure he’s in his life. And so on. The predictions can be wrong, the result can change, but there’s always this aspect of not having control on whats to come. It is close to determinism.

When Saiou challenges his own destiny, it’s by managing to not care about it. The main issue that can arise from a certain kind of determism is the thought that people are actually powerless, and everything is just consequences of causes that can’t be control. The only way to get back control , in  Saiou’s situation, is by knowing the causes. That’s pretty much what he does when he tries to find out who will save him, and just about everytime he reads the future. He’s trying to find the causes of the consequences he already knows. That leads him to never really take actions. That’s one of the meaning behind his saying that he is imprisonned by destiny. Knowing it makes it impossible for him to actually think he’s changing anything. This is one main difference between Edo and Saiou’s concept of destiny. An opposition rather meaningful in season 2, between believing and knowing. Edo believed that some people were inherently better than others. It wasnt really based on any truth, and his path was to let go of that belief. Saiou knows the outcoms, it’s not something that can be undone, causality is based on logic and, at the end, it’s pretty much impossible to stop knowing that causes and consequences are a thing. His development is about not caring about it, or not focusing on it. The last thing Edo says about destiny is that he doesnt believe in it. The last thing Saiou has related to that is refusing to listen to the Light talking about serving destiny. So, no longer focusing on what’s to come, including no longer being able to tell the future.

And if you’re wondering, the meaning Saiou gives to destiny in season 4 is a bit different so… I wont really cover it here.

But, there’s something those two meanings have in common. They are the concentration of what both of them used as children to deal with their situation, and importantly filling the absence of adults in their life, and that they projected on a singular concept.

Edo was found lost and alone after his father’s death. He coped mostly by projecting the guidance he lacked onto his cards (leading to being so protective of them), and the idea of destiny brought by Saiou. I’m comparing the two because, while the D Heroes are quite obviously a reminder of his father, his « destiny » can be too as it is heavily based on heroic narratives. At the end of the day, all his talk about people’s fate being written in advance, the difference between the exceptionnal people, the unimportant one, and the evil ones, it’s like a story. Behind all this, there’s still a little boy dealing with loss by projecting himself into a story (inspired by the heroes from his father), where the hero is brave and strong and better than anyone else despise his tragic past, where there are unimportant npcs here to show how great the hero is, and a Big Bad to save someone he loves from. Thinking everything is written makes sense since it’s how stories always goes. At the beginning, Edo is very passionate about destiny, but also about heroes and how those cards are for him alone. His development goes by both accepting that Judai may save Saiou, that he isnt as important as he believed he was, and that heroes can be just fun as well. And it all comes from what he needed as a child : reassurance, justice (that adults couldn’t provide by not finding his father’s murderer), and promise that he had a future and a happy ending. Destiny was a continuation of his father’s legacy, and a way for him to keep building himself despite the lack of adults in his life.

As for Saiou, he pretty much says he used destiny as a survival tool when he was a kid. Especially to stay sane. The first effect destiny had on him was to keep some kind of rationality. The way he uses his power, and talks about destiny, is quite distant. Being able to understand both what was going on for him, and what would happen (his own prediction) has hardly controllable causalities, allowed him to make sense of it. On one side, as someone with more information, distancing himself surely was one of his own coping mechanism. On the other, thinking that there are so many factors leading to something can reduce guilt, especially when it comes to his « destiny of destruction ». Following destiny meant he wasnt in total control, so it wasnt completely his fault. Even if the whole guilt reducing part may not have worked, it did made him strongly feel like he had no real control on his life. That’s how destiny played for him the role an adult would have. Taking responsibility for his life, his action, and organise it. Saiou talks so often about being guided by destiny, as a way to separate himself from decision and actions he shouldn’t have had to take as a child. Interestingly, Saiou is conscious of using destiny like that since he is a child. When he refers to when he met Edo, he does think of it as his own intention, but view them as wrong. Unlike Edo, who’s transition out of destiny was rather brutal, Saiou don’t have a moment of realization. He may have known for a long time that, even if destiny like that isn’t so good to focus on, he won’t really stop. Escaping destiny in a way is not so much about changing what is to come, but letting go of the concept itself.

So I think Im running out of things to say if I want to keep it focus. I hope it makes some sense and interest, it’s hard constantly reminding myself of how the characters are and what they say so I can put down something coherent. I am pretty sure I won’t agree with some stuff in a bunch of week but I don’t really care, at least now some more thoughts are out in the wild.

#saiou takuma #edo phoenix #yugioh gx #does anyone want 2000 words of me rambling about either obvious or stretched out things? no #but that won't stop me #LisTalksAboutYugioh

[drkcnry67]

title:  Please Don’t Make Me Do This

kink square filled: Knife Play

dark square filled: Knife Play

Heaven & Hell square filled: Demon!Dean

ship: Demon!Dean x reader

rating: 14+

tags: major character death, forced knife play, 

summery (if applicable): its a surprise….

word count (if applicable):

created for @spnkinkbingo @spndarkbingo @heavenandhellbingo 

also this is for a request brought in by @hawaiianohana15 

A/N: please dont shoot me, but cas doesnt actually stay in heaven for what goes down in this story. im sorry for what im gonna put everyone through. i know for me ive put off writing about this particular thing cause it still gives me nightmares. 

tag: @sweetness47 @alexis-m-kruger​

this was possibly the hardest event of your entire life, the hardest day of your life. the day you witnessed the love of your life get murdered on the eve after your engagement. 

you hadnt the heart to send every single person you had invited a letter saying the wedding was cancelled, hell you didnt have the heart o do anything except sit in your old room and listen to all of Dean’s favorites on repeat. 

after about 4 hours Sam had gotten very very concerned, so he made you some coffee and made you up a plate of food and brought it into your room. the sight he saw when he walked inside was something that made him place the food and drink on your dresser and come engulf you in a huge hug. 

course Dean and Sam wanted to take down Metatron, but of course that didnt go as well as expected for it was then that Metatron stabbed Dean. long story short told to you personally through Sam’s sobs… 

Dean had gotten hold of the first blade again after being bruised and beaten badly in a mortal kombat fight type deal with Metatron.

Metatron stabbing Dean through the heart with an angel blade just as Sam came round the corner and Dean of course turned around. 

Sam helped Dean off the ground and tried to make it out of the warehouse but Dean coughed, said he was proud of them and then breathed his last.

Sam had called out for Cas in a loud scream of pain. about 5 minutes later Cas appeared and became terribly horrified at the sight before him. 

Cas: “what happened?”

Sam: “Metatron killed him, we have to get home.. back to the bunker, to YN she needs to know but no one else can… can you get us and the impala back in one shot or is it needed in 2 trips…”

Cas: “it can be done in 1 shot but how will you tell YN… wont she be crushed?”

that was when Cas realized that Sam was gonna tell you after they got back to the bunker… sam was gonna tell you what happened, tell you that Dean died like  hero… that he went down fighting and that his last thoughts werent of her but he knew he loved you.

Cas: “look Sam i know that YN and Dean were a thing but there is something i have to tell you… about their relationship… but she doesnt know, neither of them did… you can’t tell her…”

Sam now intrigued finds the strength to look away from his brothers corpse. Cas took a deep breath watching as Sam now sat looking at him.

Sam: “cant tell her what?”

Cas: “she and Dean fullfilled the prophecy that Heaven spoke over them, they conceived a child a week before the death of a winchester at the hands of Metatron.”

Sam: “YN’s pregnant?”

Cas: “yes, but there is nothing else that can be done here, lets take this show back to the bunker and see if there is anything that can be done about Dean… ill take us all straight to his room, then ill stay here while you go talk to YN before she finds out on her own about Dean…”

Cas teleports Dean and Sam plus himself back to Deans room in the bunker. you were in the library researching a way to get rid of Metatron that would actually be most effective. you didnt hear the boys talking in Deans room. however you only had this feeling like something wasn’t right. 

it stayed with you heavily as you sat there pouring through the books and every page seemed to make time go by alot slower than it actually was… it wasnt until you flipped the page again that you heard your name being called. this made your head snap up…

you went around the corner and Saw Sam walking towards you… 

Sam: “hey squirt!”

You looked around and didnt see Dean, didnt see your man. you turned your gaze back to Sam who walked closer to you…

YN: “where’s Dean?”

Sam: “YN he was hurt badly… there was an accident, it was a bad one… before i let you see him you need to know he might not come back from this one alive… or if alive he wont be himself… the first blade really did a number on him. but his last concious thoughts were of you… YN he wasnt breathing when Cas got to us… Cas is with him now trying to figure this out, but so far no luck…”

YN: “i have to see his body…”

Sam stepped immediately in front of you stopping your entry to the hallway.

YN: “get out of my way Sam… i have to see his body…”

Sam: “no cause if you go in there your not gonna be able to unsee that…”

YN: “there has to be something we can do…”

Sam: “we will find a way but for now lets leave him alone…”

you went back too the library and cracked a bottle of whiskey… Sam stood around the corner for a few minutes and watched you slowly crumble apart… 

Sam went back to talk to Cas…

Cas: “ive healed his major wounds and slowed the death process… how did she take it…”

Sam: “she has started to drink the whiskey… i dont think she will come back from this…”

Cas: “well lets go make sure she isnt gonna do something stupid…”

Sam & Cas take one more glance at Dean’s body before heading out to the library to find you on the phone just kinda out of their hearing patterns.. it was only but a while later that Crowley texted you that he was outside the bunker…

you went to the door and let him inside… you walked down the stairs with Crowley at your tail… both Sam and Cas stood taking defensive position…

Sam: “Squirt what is he doing here?”

You finished walking down the stairs before you answered…

YN: “he is here to help me save Dean… he says he can save him… ergo that is whats going to happen…”

Cas: “dont do this, we cant trust him…”

Crowley: “look ok i have a soft spot for YN and Dean they have become my new favorite couple… but when word got out downstairs about Metatron having killed Dean. i knew it would be only a matter of time before i got a call from YN, but i also knew i might or might not be able to help.. YN show me where the body is… then ill need a while alone with it… for the way this should go may or may not come with alot of side effects…”

you led Crowley to Dean’s room, opening the door this was your first glance at Deans body… this was the only time other than not but 6 years before when you had lost Dean… to your dismay this time looked much much worse.

YN: “crowley do what you have to… just make sure he comes back to me in one piece…”

Crowley: “ill do my best and let me be the first to say congratulatons!”

you left the room wondering what the hell he meant, but still made your way back to the library… you sat on the couch and waited, waited patiently…

—————————

Crowley stands beside Dean placing the first blade in Dean’s right hand and placing both on his chest. 

Crowley: “listen to me Dean Winchester, what you’re feeling right now, it’s not death. It’s life, a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. And by the way your going to be a father, now lets go take a howl at the moon.”

—————————-

something stirred, you felt it, you felt the house shake, the entire bunker shook with a violent power… it wasnt but a few moments later that the power went out in the entire bunker… no sound could be heard but something inside you stirred, something felt new, arisen if you would… 

YN: “Sam, Cas are you guys okay?”

Sam and Cas are at your sides immediately! 

Cas: “i dont know but i cant leave my power isnt working…”

Sam: “YN you looked a little stunned a few moments ago… what did you feel?”

You didnt know how to answer that, it was a very strange feeling but being bonded with Dean made things easier. during hunts and stake outs… but now it felt like something went horribly wrong… crowley did however say that there may be side effects… 

YN: “i think whatever Crowley did worked but i dont feel normal Dean i feel a much darker force… if that is why the power went out then we need to lock this place down… now and we need to prepare for the worst… lock it down nothing gets in and nothing gets out…”

you, Sam and Cas all armed yourselves, going down the halls till the tri-fork in the hall… each of you took a hall… Cas came across nothing he stayed near the armory for a few minutes to make sure Dean wouldnt be able to easily access it if he came that way… Sam made it down his hall way to the garage, but obviously with the security locked down and the power outage the garage wouldnt be a good escape route… 

you went down the bedroom hallway, the emergency red lights going down the hallway made it to your room, checked it once and cleared it of being offended… then sam’s room along with Cas’ room…. 

the room at the end of the hall, the one room where you didnt think anything was wrong… the one room where the closer you got the more anger and pain you felt… before you could fully encrouch on the room, the door flung off its hinges… you ducked into the darkened bathroom… 

Demon!Dean: “Sammy, YN, Castiel! where is everyone to greet the brother who has come back from the dead? YN baby come give daddy a kiss…”

Dean now walking towards the bathroom slowly, now sniffs the air… he suddenly becomes ravenous for the being who holds the smell of pumpkin pie. the closer he got to the bathroom, the stronger the smell got. 

Demon!Dean: “come on out Baby.. i dont want to hurt you, but i will if i have to… come on out baby… dont you want to celebrate with me about our child… oh yes i know all about that… you can thank Crowley for that… now im gonna count to 3 if you dont show yourself by the time i get to 3, im gonna hurt you baby, i dont want to but i will…1…”

you didnt know what to do, so you stood there behind the door and didnt realize that you were starting to sweat badly your gun was slipping… before you could even react your gun fell to the ground…

Demon!Dean: “ah so you want to have a bit of bathroom fun hmm… well daddy brought a fun little tool… now lets play…”

with that Demon!Dean stalked into the bathroom forcefully pulling the door shut as he now stood there with you in the creepy red lighting, he stood there with his pocket knife. 

YN: “please dont do this, you dont want to hurt me i know you dont… for the sake of our child… please… i didnt know about my being pregnant D… im just finding out about this… look ok it tore me up to see your body like that, so i called Crowley… i knew when the power went out that you had come back… but i didnt expec…”

before you could say another word, his hand covered your mouth… he gently yet firmly ran the knife over your skin, he pressed down in certain tender spots, like your forearms, your thighs, your chest, as well as your cheeks. before stopping at your neck to lean in to sniff your aroma.. 

Demon!Dean: “you know babe, i never pictured myself as a father… i just realized i never told you what i did in Hell the first time i died… i tortured people, i tortured souls… these people didnt deserve it, but i didnt care, i liked it… now i think i’ll torture you similar to them…”

at that moment with lightning speed he ran the knife through all your clothes till you were standing in your Bra and panties. this made you shiver since it wasnt the man you fell in love with standing before you doing this to you. 

at that moment you felt the knife he was holding go into your skin on your thigh, you buckled at the pain, yet Demon!Dean just laughed with amusement. he ran his hands over your body, feeling you tense and un-tense beneath his touch. 

Demon!Dean: “i still have enough sense to know not to fuck a pregnant woman… but that doesnt mean i cant make you bleed…”

before he could finish cutting you in a few more places, the sound of your name came ringing through the halls. 

Sam: “cas do you see that?”

Cas looks straight ahead at the door on the floor…

Cas: “does that mean he is back?”

Sam: “yes but he doesnt have the strength normally to kick in these door which are reinforced with iron… he would have to…”

thats when it hit Sam like a sack of bricks… the shocked look on his face now said everything he connected the dots and soon realized that whereever Dean was you would be too…

Sam: “Dean or whatever you call yourself.. show yourself now…”

then he turned to Cas and in a low whisper adressed him.

Sam: “ok Cas go down the hall and hide around the corner as soon as he shows himself ill keep his gaze fixed on me, use your teleportation to get directly behind him… go…”

Cas ran to where Sam said but heard the same not so distant voice Sam soon did…

Demon!Dean: “ill be out in a second brother, im just taking a leak… then ill come out and talk…”

Demon!Dean finished making you bleed some more watching your body slide down the wall, weak from blood loss as he opened the bathroom door and exited…

Demon!Dean: “hey Sammy… come give your big brother a hug…”

Sam started to slowly back up seeing the blood covering Dean’s hands and clothes… 

Sam: “where’s YN?”

Demon!Dean: “i wouldnt know your the first one ive seen…”

Sam: “then whose blood are you covered in?”

Demon!Dean: “i found a family of rats and slaughtered them… why do you look so scared bro?”

Sam: “thats not rats blood is it?”

Demon!Dean could only bring off a dark smile… as he followed Sam down the hall and away from the bathroom… Cas took his opportunity to come out from around the corner and go towards the bathroom… where he found you… he took off his trench coat and laid it over you…

Cas: “what did he do to you?”

YN: “he called it knifeplay… i have no idea why he did this but he needs something… he needs a good angelic exorcism…”

Cas: “what do you have in mind?”

you explained to Cas that first you needed to get into some clean clothes of some kind and clean up some of this blood… Cas went to your room and grabbed one of your satin gowns… 

Cas came back seeing you limping… he helped steady you while you got dressed… then he took your arm with his hand… he smiled lightly and dove deep into steadying you before helping you into the direction that he watched Demon!Dean & Sam go in… 

he made sure you were alright before he took off to get into his position… slowly but steadily you made your way down the hall… to the sound of running footsteps and the sound of something breaking…

Demon!Dean: “Sam come on lets not play these games… why do you hide from your older brother…”

you steadied yourself and held the colt up high…

YN: “Demonic force that resides within Dean Winchester… i address the entity within thee… please dont make me do this…”

Demon!Dean turns to face you slowly after stopping in his tracks…

Demon!Dean: “YN baby i see you have managed to get up off the floor and clean yourself up… darling you really should be more careful with that, since when did i give you permission to touch that gun…”

YN: “you didnt i took it from your hiding place when i got up off the floor… you need to make sure that you pick better hiding spots…”

Demon!Dean: “and you need to make sure not to snoop…”

YN: “dont make me do this…”

you stayed tall and strong keeping the Colt trained on Dean…

Demon!Dean: “now now babe put the gun down… put it down or take your shot…”

you started to slowly put the gun down but then he charged towards you, Cas came out behind Dean and wrapped his arms around him from behind… 

you took your shot, you shot Dean while he was in the arms of Cas, you watched between Cas’ angelic grace and the bullet from the colt the demonic energy that was within Dean now blinked away… now within the eyes of the man before you, blinked between the demonic force within and the Dean you fell in love with.

Cas: “ready YN im gonna keep holding onto him while you enact the final part of your plan… anytime now…”

that was your cue, you tossed the colt in the air running towards the man who stole your heart a thousand times over… you kissed him, he didnt react right away it was about 5 minutes into the kiss that he started to kiss you back…

thats when Cas let go, it made you feel normal to be back in Dean’s embrace… once the kiss broke you took him over to the security station you had set up and showed him all of what happened… 

Dean: “i know that i wasn’t myself but i hurt you, i hurt the one person who means the world to me… i’m so sorry YN… you don’t deserve a guy like me… i’m a worthless piece of shit… to top it all off, we are expecting a baby… we are expecting i don’t know if i’m ready to be a father…”

YN: “i know your gonna do wonderful as a father, and i also know that when i saw you basically dead, it tore me apart, i dipped so far into the whiskey that i almost blacked out, if the power hadnt gone out, i wouldn’t be awake right now…”

Cas and Sam come back into the room making sure that it was safe first… then Sam took it upon himself to hand Dean his jacket, to which made you look with confusion but you didnt make anything of it.

Sam: “good luck buddy…”

you grab 3 glasses & the whiskey, while the charade continues… but wasnt expecting what happened next…

Dean: “dont touch your glass of whiskey yet…. YN there is something i wish to discuss with you first…”

You stared at Dean curiousity swimming in your mind… Dean took a small swig of his whiskey before he continued to speak…

Dean: “YN in all my years together never have i ever been so amazed by anyone. you’re strong, brave, talented, one of the best with a machete ive ever seen, i never would have seen myself being with someone who is as lovely and smart as you… YN i know we have just been through hell and back and both need a really good shower, but will you do me the incredible honor of marrying me and making me the luckiest man alive…”

YN: “yes yes yes…”

thats when Dean opened the ring box out of his jacket and slid the expensive but not expensive ring on your finger… the toasting lasted for 30 minutes before the cuts on your body cloted, and the blood on Dean crusted, but it was about time when you spoke again…

YN: “Dean no offense but you need a shower…”

Dean: “funny darling i could say the exact same thing about you….”

#spnkinkbingo #spndarkbingo #heaven and hell bingo

[kpurereactions]

Hey, sweetie! If you have time can I ask for Seventeen reaction when they would during an argument accidentally curse at their s/o for the first time and making them cry? If not it's still okay! Thank you so much for your time and hard work! I really cant stop reading your posts❤

He had been distant lately. It was obviously stress causing the distance but you couldn't help that he was taking it out on you. It wasn't fair. This was the fourth time he was supposed to meet you for dinner, and the fourth time you were left looking like an idiot at a cooling grill. You had enough. You never would ask him to choose between you and his career, but he could at least throw you a bone. If he knew he wasn't going to show up why would he tell you he would and then go home to eat with his members? If he was so tired why couldn't he sleep at your place? His manager knew about you and supported the relationship so its not like he would be going out of his way. 

You were slightly drunk on your walk home. The first hand embarrassment of the owner telling you that maybe next time he’ll show was enough reason to drink just enough. It was cold out, and as you buried your face deeper into your scarf your drunkin mind told you to call him. And keep calling until he picked up. 

When he finally answered on the... 3rd, you were counting on your fingers, he sounded annoyed. As if missing dinner again was your fault.  “Where were you?” You asked strongly.  “Are you drunk?” “Where were you.” You asked again.  “Look I got hung up I’m sorry i didn't call.” H said, breathing heavily through his nostrils.  “Ah, well thank god your sorry for standing me up once again. Are you serious?” You rose your voice.  “Look, y/n, I’m sorry but the world doesn't revolve around you. I cant just stop what I’m doing to run to your beck and call.” He said, his voice matching yours.  “And what exactly was it you were doing? Going to dinner with your members?” You said, noting the background commotion. “And so what if I am.” You stopped in your tracks. Across the street you saw him. Sitting between two of the members, beer and empty plates scattering the table. He didn't even have the audacity to excuse himself. Your silence caused him to check his screen to see if you were still there before sighing deeply and brining it back to his ear. He was about to say something else, but just as his mouth opened he saw you standing across the street. 

You watched as he placed the phone on the table and brought his elbows up to pinch the bridge of his nose. You were shocked. All the empty plates meant they were there for a long time. Probably much longer than you were down the street. And he was so close. You watched as he hung the phone up and grabbed his coat, telling those around him he would be right back before hurrying towards the door, all eyes now spotting you. 

You began to walk, suddenly not wanting to speak to him but you knew he would catch up. You heard him call your name over and over 

If he doesn't stop he still loves me. If he gives up, he’s stopped. You thought to yourself. 

A hand caught your elbow and you staggered back, your cheeks bright red from the cold and your eyes already threatening to spill. 

“Where are you going, why did you walk away.” He said. His eyes seemed sorry. 

“You were busy. I didn't want to bother you.” You snapped, trying to walk away again only to be caught by his arm. 

“Look, Y/n, I’m sorry, I really am.” He tried, still holding onto you so you couldn't walk away. 

“So sorry you ate an entire meal while I waited for you, thanks for the consideration.” You tried to walk away again already knowing his hand would stop you

“You know how the guys are.”

“No! I don’t! Do you want to know why? Because you never have me around. You keep me hidden. You make us meet in secret places. Hell, they probably don’t even know I exist! Im not asking to be the center of your world I never asked that. But leading me on. Standing me up. How dare you. Its obvious you don’t care at all about me. And your proving you never did.”

“Fuck you.” He spit. Your eyes widened, but he continued. “Fuck you if you don’t think I care. Fuck you for not understanding what it is I do. Fuck you for making such a big deal about something you should expect from dating someone like me.”

“Someone like you? I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.” You said, the tears that had been threatening since before finally rolling over your waterline. You thought for a second about saying something else, but everything you needed to say was said and he wasn't listening. So you jerked your arm out of his grasp, stumbling a bit, and turned your back. 

Seungcheol:

His hands would reach for his hair. Tears in his own eyes everything he did wrong seemed to catch up with him at once. He’d turn away from you before turning back to see you had already left. He didn't want to actually loose you.  “Fuck” He’d say under his breath, instantly breaking into a jog to catch you. He wouldn't say anything, Just wrap his arms around your body as his collided with yours. You were crying, and hard by the way he felt your shoulders shake. He buried his face in your hair and just held you for as long as you let him.  “You better say something right now Seungcheol.” You threatened. He could feel your body tensing, ready to break out of his grip. With his hands moving to your shoulders he turned you to face him. He watched as your eyes softened and you hand reached up to wipe a way what he realized was his own tear. His heart broke when your hand stopped and retracted. He caught it softly, bringing it to his cheek, kissing the back of your hand softly before sniffling.  “Im so sorry.” It was all he could think to say, but he could see in your eyes that you understood this time it was different. 

Jeonghan:

He was so angry and if you wanted to act like, so be it. He watched you walk, your steps stumbling as you tried to exit as quickly as possible. He didn't want to follow you. He didn't want to deal with your nagging anymore. But something told him he should. He stood there and watched your figure grow smaller with distance before breaking into a sprint. He didn't know what he would say when he got there but he needed to get there. Hed run as fast as he could, the sounds of his name being called from behind him from his manager caused you to turn and before he knew it he was wrapping you in a hug. Hed just hold you. He didn't even care that you were holding back back from him, he just needed you to know he was sorry. Hed hold you for what seemed like forever before softly whispering “im sorry.” and finally relaxing when your arms moved around him.

Joshua:

He would just leave, blaming you for ruining his night. It wouldn't be until he returned home and he had a moment to really reflect on what had happened did he realize he was truly the one in the wrong. Hed tried texting you. He tried calling and with the lack of response he began to worry that he let you get hurt by watching you walk away drunk. He didn't care what time it was. He shuffled into his managers room while putting on his coat “I need to go to Y/n”  Seeing what had happened he agreed, getting up stiffly before taking him to the car. Josh ran into your building and up to your apartment, only stopping to stand impatiently in the elevator. Hed enter your apartment without knocking and wouldn't breath until he saw you standing in his shirt, the only light being from your fridge as you poured yourself water. He wasnt going to hold back any longer, and without a word took just a few long strides to pull you into a deep, im so sorry kiss. 

Jun:

You wouldn't get too far. before you could even turn your back he had you back in his grasp, realizing instantly how terrible and untrue his words were. Hed quickly take them back. Explaining to you that he knew he was being unfair. He didn't know why but you were just an easy target for him to let out all his pent up frustration on and he quickly realized how much he hated himself for doing that to you. Hed gently brush your tears away, and after his apology he would pull you into his chest tightly, holding you as the sobs took over your whole body. He wouldn't try to apologize anymore. There was no reason to. He was wrong and he needed to make up for it. 

Hoshi:

He was trying so hard to convince himself that he was right. He had to be. He wasn't a bad person and he didn't purposefully ever hurt people. But the longer he stared at the pavement the quicker he realized he was wrong. He brought his hands up to rub his eyes, ready to face you again, but you were gone. A figure in the distance. You must really want nothing to do with him. He hung his head and sighed. He blew it. Returning back to the table he sat quietly while everyone else finished, happy no one asked him why he suddenly left. as the days to follow came he grew more and more distracted. He couldnt focus on anything else but you and it was effecting his work. He eventually was pulled aside and told to just go see you, so he listened. 

Seeing you as you opened the door brought tears to his eyes. He was full of regret and had no words to express the way he had been treating you. So when you opened the door more and pulled him inside and into a hug hed melt into you, asking for your forgiveness. 

Wonwoo:

He didn't know why, but as the words were coming out of his mouth he felt like you would stand there and take it, which would give him a chance to fix it. His face would fall as he realized your tears weren't ones of anger, but of a broken heart and he’d retreat. He had no idea how to fix it. He’d stand there as you walked away lost in thought. For the first time he really thought about what it was he wanted from you. What he wanted out of your relationship and what made him ask you to be his in the first place.  He realized just how much you actually had done for him, and how much all he did was really only ever complain to you. You gave him advice. You helped him remain calm in situations where he felt like his head would explode. 

He’d be so lost. He wouldn't know what to do to fix the situation, or even if he could, so he’d wait. He’d wait days, constantly checking his phone in false hope that every ding would be you. But it never was. He was too embarrassed to call you. You were right and admitting he was wrong to your face was something he struggled to figure out what to do. You would move on. You would find someone else and being with Wonwoo would just be a distant memory, but to him you would be something he thought about every day.

Woozi:

He wasn't done. The moment you started to walk away he’d force you to stop. But upon grabbing your hand to spin you around he saw something he thought he’d never see. You crying. All anger would flood out of him as he lifted a hand to brush your hair back slightly, pouting when you avoided his hand. His head would hang, and the next time the two of you made eye contact you could see something switched. “Let me walk you home.” He said, taking your hand in his.  HIs mind would be full of what to say but nothing would come out. He would take you home, Making sure you had plenty of water and were in warm comfy clothes before he left. Still, without saying anything. You wouldn't hear from him in a few days. But you didn't feel angry at all, only sadness. Then one day, you'd be listening to a local radio. The mc would announce a song from an artist you didn't recognize at first, a song called im sorry, and your fingers would be calling Woozi before you really even had time to think about what it was you were doing. 

Dokeyom:

His hand would come up to squeeze the bridge of his nose as you began to walk away. He wasn't done talking to you, but seeing as he just exploded he figured the best thing to do was let the both of you cool off. The next day, as soon as he knew you would be away he’d send you a text, asking to come over to talk. You don’t know why you said yes, your roommate told you there was no reason to give him a second chance but you hit send and went back to what you were doing. He’d sit on the edge of your bed once he got there, his hands folded in his lap as you stood over. He’d explain himself, and explain himself well. He’d tell you he didn't mean to snap at you, and that you were right about him neglecting you. He would explain his fears. He was scared of loosing you, so before you could walk away he pushed you towards that. Maybe it wouldn't hurt as much then. He avoided all eye contact with you while he talked, afraid that if he looked at you he would burst into tears on the spot. He was shocked, to say the least when you stepped between his legs and wrapped your arms around your head, but he didn't hold back for one second and quickly wrapped his arms around you.

Mingyu:

Hed see one tear roll as you turned away and turned away himself. He wasnt ready- nor did he want to leave you. But knowing that he had pushed you into tears was too much for him to handle. Hed walk back to the restaurant, knowing that everyone saw him scream at you and hung his head. He sat there receiving criticism, the boys telling him that you were right and he was being an asshole for the way he walked away from you. The Woozi said something that clouded his head.  “Were you embarrassed of her? Is that why you walked away?” The answer was no. There was no part of you he was embarrassed of. When Hoshi suggested he went and found you he was out of his seat before Hoshi had even finished speaking. 

He ran through the rout you would have taken to get back to your apartment frantically, poking his head into different bars and convenient stores just in case. Until he saw you leaving a store with a bag, your head still hung low. He wouldnt say anything, just run up and wrap his arms around you, burying his nose against your neck. “Im sorry. Im so sorry, seriously.”

Minghao:

Hed watch you walk away, his eyes moving to look at the dark sky before stomping his foot. “Y/n, wait.” hed call, taking a deep breath when you stopped. Hed wait for you to turn around, making sure that you really did want to still talk to him. When you did hed walk up and pull one of his hands from his pocket to take yours. Hed lead you to the side of the sidewalk where there was a ledge long enough for you to sit on and hed kneel in front of you. Hed watch your eyes as you tried your hardest to hold back the tears that were flowing freely. 

Hed explain himself more calmly this time, chuckling when he finished because he realized just how truly idiotic his reason sounded. Hed apologize again, asking you to let him at least walk you home, telling you once he knew you were safe and warm you could make the decision to call him the next day or not. But he would be waiting for that phone call. 

Seungkwan:

His hand would immediately cover his mouth. He sounded foreign, even to himself. He didn't mean any of the words that came out of his mouth so why he said them he had no idea. Hed catch you before you could get to far and beg for you to let him try again. Hed have no shame, there was no room for it when he just said the worst thing he could possibly think of saying to someone he loved. Hed force you to stop walking by wrapping his arms around you and hugging you tightly. Hed continue his apology, not even caring if you accepted anymore. He just wanted you to know how sorry he was. Hed stand there with you in his arms for as long as you let him, and even when you pulled away he kept a hand on you to make sure you couldn't run away. He’d know you wouldnt be able to forgive him right away, becasue he wouldnt be able to forgive himself, but he would spend the time after working harder than ever to make it up to you. 

Vernon:

Hed stand there watching you walk away until your figure disappeared into the darkness, the image of you crying burnt into the backs of his eyelids. Hed just stand there, and keep standing there until someone came out to get him, telling him it was time to do. Hed take one last glance, maybe hoping you would be walking back but would sigh when he realized you weren't, and probably never will. Hed try his hardest to pretend like nothing was wrong, but your absence in his life was weighing heavy on his shoulders. Hed think he was doing the right thing by staying away, but the sudden incline in his attitude had the other members worried about it. They would eventually be able to convince him to just call you. Hearing your voice when you finally picked up would make him sniffle, and all he could say was he missed you. 

Dino:

He did not get what it was he did wrong, Even after you stormed away hed rack his brain to try to figure out why exactly you were so mad. The moment he got back to his apartment he would sit there and complain, telling two of the members what had happened and why you were so mad. Once the initial shock of finding out about you wore off, Jeonghan would hit him up against the head and lay out exactly what it was he did wrong. Hearing it from him finally would make it sink in, and his head would fall into his hands.  “Do you still want to be with her?” Hed ask, looking at Dino in a way where not answering wasnt an option. When he finally nodded his head Jeonghan and Wonwoo would help Dino try to find the perfect way to get you to forgive him. 

Kitty

#seventeen #seventeen reaction #svt

[the-dimensionmaker]

Oh boy.... where... WHERE... do i begin with this... i had to think about this for a LONG time... cause i know if i talk about this and try and give Aidan more attention... then my friend and great artist, Raisha gs will be upset with me... and.... will probably block me.... leaving me here to grieve again for the mistakes i did...... so if Raisha some how knows that i have a twitter acc... first off... hi dude... second off dont block me... yhe worst you can do is block someone for trying to get something out of they're situation so they can feel better... im not saying that your a bad person... im not saying that that your trying to control my life... all im saying is that.. please... understand that i need to do this... if people are doing this against people like Lui or Mini Ladd or even Shane Dawson... then i should do the same for a guy who has did this... dont worry... i blocked him on twitter.... so dont worry about him trying to find out about what im talking about... ok...? I hope you understand...

so for starters if you dont know who i am, i am the Dimensionmaker. Someone who wants to make animations for yt, who wants to make his own games, want do lets plays, and even talk to you viewers... i have a rough life... filled with nothing but people lying to me, people cheating on me without a reason (the numbers of people who did that is now 61 in total...), people lying ABOUT me, nothing but fear, and many more... Jaiden or Kitty Courtnie And Linka, is... the first gf i ever had. She was... the worst as well. She never listened, didnt care, and then cheated... then we have... Aidan2003, who is the main topic of this...

We start from what caused all of this to happen... when i was in middle school still i was on roblox... i had great friends... one of them named herself Jaidenanimations (not the real one...) also known as Courtnie... she was the nicest.. at the time she had a bf named Dud.. (btw Dud is Older then both me AND courtnie.. he acted like a complete creep around her..) but fsr.. Dud broke up with her.... someone named Ethan dated her too... but then broke up with her... and who knows if he is older then courtnie at the time... she was now sad... so i decided to become her bf... and when i did... we were... THE BEST... we loved each other more then anything... she would without me asking, want to do a drp with me... she wanted to come to my house... she wanted to meet me irl... she was better then anyone...things got a bit worst... Jaiden was now enemies with everyone... (Ethan, Dud, Jonathan, etc...) she doesnt want them to follow her... so i decied to be a bit strict.. and tell her to NOT go to any of the roblox games till she blocks them... and she lies to me... saying that... "She wasnt able to block them as a crack was CONVENIENTLY on the block and unfriend button..." and when ever we have a plan or another idea on what can actually work... she lied her way saying thaings like oh.. "My Phone Is Dead" and such.. so much in fake that it was... PREDICTABLE... she then started to hang out with them... i became a bit more stricter... then my mental health became bad... she didnt listen... it made me feel like nobody listens to me... leading me into a depression... i felt like nobody liked me... nobody listens to me... nobody even cared about me... i wanted to die... a... bunch of times... most of the time... she never cared... then... on yt......... she cheated on me... with 2 people who were OLDER THEN ME AND HER COMBINED (being both Jonathan and Dud... keep that in mind...)... i noticed this.... i was FURIOUS..... i yelled at the thing i thought was a girl i Loved... a girl i could trust... a Girl that i thought was LOYAL..... then her parents got involved calling me rude words like European Boy (i think it was something else) "just because my skin was black".. keep that in mind as well... "her parents deleted her discord acc For Good..." (keep thaf in mind...)... then... i sobbed... again... and again... i tried to go and find people who cares about me or loved me... but then they cheated... one by one... my mental health became WORST.... i tried many methods... me having more then one girlfriend... having them make promises due to what has happen to me... being nice... being strict..... nothing worked.......... my life was miserable...... i didnt finally be able to talk to courtnie and get her to break up with Jonathan... she was happy that she did... but then she didnt come back to roblox... but then betrayed me yet again........

I asked one of my friends on if they are able to talk to Courtnie...they couldn't... all except for one person one of them know... Aidan... i talked to Aidan and he actually was nice... but then... he started to act like im a pedo... wanna know why...? Get this... JAIDEN LIED ABOUT HER AGE THE WHOLE TIME. when i was 13 she was 10 ALL ALONG. She lied to me for YEARS... saying she was my age.... i blocked Aidan and never talked to him ever again... and jaiden finally talks to me and we were in good terms... but then... Aidan came in.... saying jaiden has caused alot of crap to him... i believed him and became his friend only to be forced into a group where this friends (ETHAN AND IVAN BEING ONE OF THEM) could harass me... then... we go to his videos... his videos are false... they barely show proof... he says points that are completely incorrect.... hell here is some (not all cause i dont want to be texting all night) he said in them...

- "I Know Where You Live And I Know Everything About You"

He says this yet he assumed i was a 25 year old man. Even tho im now 15. At the time i was 14 now im 15. Plus he doxxedy house. And stole my IP ADDRESS... that right there makes him seem more like a creep. Courtnie without me asking told me where she lived. This guy STOLE MY IP ADDRESS AND FUCKING DOXXED MY HOUSE. That right there will show that he is a bad person who is just lying to ruin my life... speaking of lying

- "Schroederluvr Is A Minor"

This proves that he didnt even talk to her... she isnt a minor... hell looking at her compared to me... she is OLDER THEN ME.. SHE IS 20 SOMETHING YEARS OLD. I Didnt Harass Her Anyways so why is he saying that i did.

- "Lillie is innocent"

Lillie on Instagram literally said in her own words that she is bullying me because of me being depressed. Thats jot justified AT ALL.

"Klara's post is about me"

No its not. Its about lillie and her friends. Who BTW IS DMING ME SENDING A PICTURE OF SOME STUPID PICTURE OF A INCINEROAR. sure yes it doesnt seem to bad but its EXTREMELY ANNOYING.

- "Telling the police that Aidan doxxed my house and Stole my IP Address wont do anything"

It will, Aidan. It literally says that no matter how you got it or why you got it, you will be send to jail.

- "TALKING to minors is bad"

Wrong. If thats the case then someone like WILDCAT, VANOSS, H2ODELIRIOUS, MARKIPLIER, CORYXKENSHIN, AND MANY MANY MORE would be swatted and in jail. Its not Illegal to talk to them.

- "that Katie is innocent"

Katie has done a MOUNTAIN of stuff to me. So much so that even the nicest people of all time wont be nice to her. She isnt in the right. AT. ALL.

- "that telling people to leave me alone is harassing them"

Its not harassment. Seriously. A NORMAL HUMAN BEING WOULD KNOW THAT IST NOR HARASSMENT TO TELL SOMEONE TO GO AWAY OR LEAVE THEM ALONE

- "That im a predator yet youw ont go after Jonathan and Dud"

He literally spares them but not me. Jonathan was 17 i think. And Dud was i think 19. Now he's probably 20 OR 21 YEARS OLD. And you STILL come at me for just DATING someone who LIED ABOUT HER AGE.

- "that i was... Harassing? xxlitle_dummyxx"

Even tho she literally wants to be rude while im trying to help... wow... just fucking WOW

- "that not telling people your name, nor putting your name on your acc is a bad thing"

No.. no its not... hell we look at a bunch of youtubers doing that. Hell there are a bunch of people i KNOW that doesnt say they're real name. It's THEY'RE CHOICE. Not yours Aidan.

Anyways.... then to make things worst he called me the N word a bunch of times then say that he "didnt" because i didnt have proof... wanna know why? BECAUSE HE BLOCKED ME AFTER THAT SO I WASNT ABLE TO TAKE A VIDEO OF THIS. Then he made a fake conversation between me and jaiden. I can tell its fake by just looking at the pfps and names...

I decided to delete all the posts about him on Instagram... not because he beated me... but because i wanted Raisha gs to be happy... to not hate me...... to not block me... thats something that Effects me when it comes to someone like Raisha or Brsstar... i worry that if i make one mistake for what ever reason... ill be blocked... so im hoping that Raisha understands that i cant hold all of this in anymore... if Aidan are exposing me for shit i didn't do... if PEOPLE are coming out to finally say the truth about someone... then i should as well.... i hope you understand if you made it this far...

So... here's what i have to say for the conclusion of this... if you all see the name... "Aidan2003"... block him... REPORT HIM... do what ever you like to him.... he wants to hurt me for shit i didnt do... so why should i say to not do the same to him... he is not a good person... he never was....

This is The Creator Of Multiverses... and i will soon make other posts, dont worry ^^.

Till then my fell Universers..

#harassment #bullying #blacklivesmatter #send help

[drmazel]

Ok, secrets in return.. 6, 10, 15, 17...

ooh a lil secret exchange...... like little kids at a slumber party..... love this energy

6) how is your life different now from two years ago

hmm.... july 2018.... tbh not a whole lot has changed since, then, graduate school has a funny way of being all the same all the time. but i can think of a few... 

school/job-wise, i became a doctoral candidate in june 2018 which was just over 2 years ago and that was cool, and my research was finally published in december 2019 which kicked ass. actually the project that was published wasnt even finished until october 2018 so i guess that too. my mentor and i have developed a really great mentor/mentee relationship that i attribute a good amount of personal growth to, bc for like the first time in my life i have someone actively helping me quash a lot of self doubt.

personal life-wise, hmm... in october 2018 i had the plate in my knee removed bc it was severely impeding my recovery and making it hard to walk. i figured out how to sit down on the floor and get up from the floor and go up and down stairs one at a time with a railing, then without a railing, learned how to crouch about halfway to normal, built up my stamina to stay standing for about an hour with minimal discomfort whereas before i suffered if i stood for 10 minutes. the girl that almost killed me was finally arrested and convicted and put in jail which doesn’t fix or reverse anything but still felt like some kind of justice. 

and then personality wise i am just a little less afraid of getting things wrong. still terrified and still impacts my life, but i am able to give things a shot instead of dismissing them outright. led to me finding out i’m pretty good at some stuff i otherwise never would have tried. i’m also a little less afraid of asking for help or setting boundaries. therapy has that effect i guess. 

i’m also way more long-winded than before, i feel like, as presented here. oops. i also feel like i’m much more forgetful and scatterbrained than before. not sure if it’s from stress, or a natural progression of taking on more obligations and learning how to balance them, or a long term side effect of having who knows what pumped into me for a month straight three years ago. maybe all three?

10) do you believe in ghosts

nah. i don’t really have a wordy explanation as to why i don’t so you get a break from the wall of text from the previous question.

15) what is your favorite memory

questions like this are hard bc i have a pretty bad memory and favorite memories only come to me when i encounter something that reminds me of it? it’s really hard to call upon specific memories. but i’ll at least try to think of a nice one from recent memory, i’m sure it’ll be far from my favorite but that’s okay. 

hmm... oh actually my most recent birthday (abt 2.5 weeks ago) was really really nice? nothing super special happened; i got up, i went to work, i went home and bought myself an ice cream cake and video called my family. but throughout the day i had more people wishing me happy birthday than i ever had in my life. i’m a fairly active member of the rq official discord and i had no fewer than 2 dozen people immediately send happy birthday messages if they caught the implication from someone else (maybe more, that server is huge and it’s hard to keep track). and i’m in another, smaller server (you may be familiar uwu) where i’ve pretty fairly recently gotten to know a new group of people that seemed to pretty quickly welcome me into their friend group and i got some really nice birthday sentiments there too. and then at work i didn’t even really tell anyone it was my birthday, but i’m friends with one of my lab mates on facebook and he must have had birthday notifications on because he came by and wished me a happy birthday

obvs the last few months have been really isolating for just about everyone, but tbh it’s been especially hard for me bc i don’t really have many friends to begin with and definitely like no friends in my home town so my minimal social contact of like just small talk at the store and only having real conversations with coworkers being taken away has had me fairly down? but apparently over the past few months i have slowly been submitting myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known, even just a little bit, and reaping the rewards of being loved in return, no matter how small, felt really nice and made it a really special day uwuwuwuwu

17) what ‘small things’ things terrify you

i know i have some intangible existential fears that would definitely seem trivial to some people but see above point about having a really hard time calling upon specific memories, and also i’m in a good mood so i’m not gonna try too hard. but off the top of my head two silly weird fears i have are 1) heights and 2) having people around me start singing. 

1) i know heights are a very common fear/phobia but you don’t understand. i’m talking “i will literally freeze in place if i try to step onto this 4-inch stepstool, like seriously my conscious mind will not be able to lift my second foot onto the step, like it’s bolted to the ground” PETRIFIED of heights. i cannot stand on anything my brain perceives as not-solid-ground. this means i’m actually okay in airplanes and things like the st louis arch. i actually love that shit, i’ll look down at the ground and enjoy the view all day. but the second i have a single doubt about my ability to stay upright, fuck the fight/flight/freeze response. we are on 24/7 freeze/freeze/freeze response LOCKDOWN.

2) i’m talking flash mobs, i’m talking karaoke night, i’m talking people singing happy birthday to me. the idea of it puts me in “find an escape” mode, and being in it gives me the worst second-hand embarrassment ever, even if it’s all in good fun and there’s no reason for anyone involved to be embarrassed. this extends even to movie musical numbers (i actually skipped the scene in the tavern in disney’s tangled bc it gave me weird anxiety) and shit like hearing someone i know from another medium begin to sing (this is why it took me so long to check out the mechs and also why i cannot listen to recordings of friends singing as much as it would mean a lot to them for me to do so). idk if there’s a name for this phenomenon or if i’m the only person on the planet with this weird almost-or-maybe-complete phobia.

#THIS IS SO WORDY I'M SORRY #about me #crappylineofbestfit

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 15

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY LOSES THEIR SHIT ON MAIN:

“Tell her I said: fuck you, you miserable, conniving bitch. I don’t answer her summons. I don’t obey her orders. I’m through. I’m through with her, with all of you—”

THERE’S LORE, BUT IMPORTANTLY MURPHY REMEMBERS WHY THEY THINK CINDER’S HOT. LITERALLY.

already??? already??? yes, already. this chapter is called ‘nothing personal’ anmd i think that this is a lie. this is abt to get very personal very quickly.

It had taken two more days for Glynda’s soul to become bearable enough for Cinder to sit next to her on a bus.

out of the funniest lines they could have used to open the chapter up, this is just Peak. there’s so many moving parts to this. glynda’s rank soul. cinder having to be nice for TWO DAYS to make her chill out. the fact they’re taking the most menial form of transport of all time. oh my god they were sat beside each other. this is already so funny.

Gravity Dust glittered like volcanic glass.

👈😎👈 we sure love volcanoes around here huh

The clearing Cinder found was some twenty minutes from where she left Glynda with instructions for something salty for her.

im almost POSITIVE im not supposed to find these lines funny but cinder you are RADIATING salt you are COMPOSED ENTIRELY of salt please. you’ve asked for smthng salty and glynda’s gonna come back announcing she’s foiled all yr plans on accident again.

Mercury had stopped sending messages a month and a half ago. Emerald’s last one was a week old.

im almost definitely mentioned it in a prior liveblog but its worth remembering: cinder’s relationship w/ merc and em rly was the deciding factor in me suddenly loving her as a character and i just. every interaction they have hurts so good. cinders got TWO kids and even if her face says otherwise she loves them very much and that heals me on the inside

“There’s no way anyone knows about this island. We’re the only ones out here. Merc and I have to get his shitty frozen pizzas airshipped in.”

“Still. Be careful.” She paused for a moment. “...Is that all he’s eating?”

“You know he’d die before he ate a vegetable.”

“He will, at this rate.”

I LOVE U MOMMA CINDER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this is SO good. this section HEALS ME!!!!!!!! which is good because i have a feeling the rest of this will gore me alive

"I promise. At the end of all of this, I'm coming back and I'm not leaving again. Trust me."

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA god u cant tell thru text alone but this section is K I L L I N G me and H E A L I N G me and also KIL L I

“It doesn’t have anything to do with trust,” Cinder said, miserably. “I need you to be safe.”

N G M E

The line between us and them had felt so concrete.

god i just. theres so much i still cant say that isnt 👈👈👈😨👈👈👈 but cinder and hati and all this other STUFF happening in the bg is so good and i just love how nuanced this dumbass is. cinder fall, the woman who never wins, and her brief moments of comfort. she is my ANGEEEEEEEEEEL

Now the only thing left was to deliver her to Atlas; if she had to speak with her more to do that, she would.

Not that she wanted to have to admit that to Hati.

cinder:there’s a lot of we and our going on and i’m a little nervous that the more we talk the more thats gonna happen and i gotta say; not a fan.

and [Glynda]’s desperate for—”

A heritage? A purpose? Belonging?

“She’s desperate,” Cinder finished, softly. Then: “She’s coming willingly.”

this might be another 👈😎👈 situation or im just drawing parallels like a three year old with a newfound ruler but HRM. CINDER. HRM.

Rather, her stomach twisted at the implications. Everything was ready. The machine worked. All that was left was to deliver the final piece.

“Okay. Good.” It was good. It was the culmination of years of work.

whats good and fun is watching cinder wrestle w/ her own humanity and its rly good because even as she tries her very best to use ppl to her own ends that pesky lil soft bitch inside makes her second guess everything and its GREAT fun. u can rly see that as soon as she spends longer than an allotted 10 minutes w/ somebody she starts being like ‘hrm. oh no’. oh cinder. u soft bitch. ilu.

The spot beneath his wing, though… Cinder folded into it as though it were meant for her, as though they were meant for each other, bodies fitted so easily. Here, safe, she closed her eyes and dreamed bleakly of the days to come.

i swear to god i cannot wait until [redacted] and [redacted] and [REDACTED] happens cause then i can lose my shit abt this ALL OVER AGAIN but for now. for now. immerse myself in cinder cuddles. im holding back but on the inside im feral

but Cinder was all calm, sliding through the trees like she belonged here. Like it was her domain by birthright.

FERAL.... FERAL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because they were not friends, Glynda asked, “Where are we going?”

i love that glynda has to preface it like a reminder. because they were not friends. because she cannot trust winter. because she blocked oz’s number lmao. it’s great seeing how much more... clinical, i guess, glynda’s thoughts are, and it’s a great way to show the narratives differences? its GOOD is what im trying 2 say on main,

Instead, she complained, “It’s so difficult to be so wanted.”

firstly: i love cinder “i have a complaint” fall is secondly: i am going to read into this. i am going to read into this and divine a second meaning. i am reading into it.

Cinder emerged from the dark like a leviathan sloughing off a sunless sea. It rippled around her shoulders, swallowed the back of her skull, but the only sharpness to her was her smile. It was the first time Cinder had smiled since returning from her meeting with the Manticore.

oho. ohoohohohoooohohohooOUGHHOHOHO she hot. nasty mean lady big hott.

“You don’t scare me,” Glynda insisted.

“Silly you,” said Cinder. “Come on. I’ll lead.”

hohogughgohohoghgh f flirtign.......................,,,,,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

a faint light was stirring to life before her—suffusing out along Cinder’s chest and throat, spilling from her heart and out through her skin. In the beginning, it was so faint it seemed to be an illusion; but no, soon enough it was undeniable, and Glynda could even make out the rough shapes of the wall and floor.

YEEEEEEEEES i love. glowy lantern cinder. like theres a lot of fun little canons abt cinder in this fic i adore but the fact that she glows is like fuckin TOP. look at her. lil candle baby. shes like a microwave bean toy. i adore her.

She walked like a queen through her domain, seemingly irrespective of where on Remnant they were; even here, underground, in forgotten left-behind places, Cinder reigned.

god im sorry im too busy being gay to even be paying attention to anything rn i LOVE cinder to DEATH,,,,,,,,,, she knows shes the thing 2 be feared around here and its so good. i cant wait for her to open her big mouth and fuck it up again!!!

“High Leader Khan requires your presence in Mistral, Ms. Fall. She advises that you attend promptly, in order to discuss the missing members of our organization.”

A hum. Cinder said, “I don’t want to.”

GHSDFGSDFGHKJDF cinder you are. smthng else. shes just so LIKE THAT. what a great chapter for cinder this has been im SIPPIN baby

okay im doing a lot of leaping haead here and its not for lack of having anything 2 say in fact its QUITE the opposite because this whole bit is. wow. we got lore??? lore??? abt so many things??? what does any of it mean????? I AM NOT SURE BUT IM LOVIN IT (tm)

“It’s not a Semblance, idiot.” The control in Cinder’s voice was all staccato, pitching cold to inferno in an instant. “It was a gift.

okay bear with me for this JUICY LORE but i am Deeply fascinated by this section. im not gonna. say anything because idk how this is tying up yet (bear with) but HOO. HOOOOOOO. im trying to like keep grabbing sections but this whole part is SO GOOD i am loving-- like-- id have to-- TRUST ME THE OG WASNT AS SPICY AS THIS OKAY

THIS IS SO MUCH SPICER AND ITS GOOD

Cinder glowed like the magma heart of a volcano.

ITS SPICY ITS GOOD ITS 👈😍👈

im gonna have to reread this bit to get the full effect because the downside of a liveblog like this is having to stop-start but OUGHGHGHGUGHUGH THE LORE,,, THE MASKS,,, THE FANG??? also sienna dont listen 2 her baby i love u too

Cinder looked like a line to be crossed, and even though they weren’t friends—rather the opposite—Glynda found she didn’t want to cross her. Not now, when the emotion was still raw on her face.

oughgh... the vulnerability. cinder... snoft... but also angery 😔

this was SUCH a good chapter im DYING i love cinder in offal hunt to BITS and this arc is already feeding me so much good shit. fuck yea. FUCK YEA. HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog #welcome to the cinder fall defence squad how may i take yr order

[myheroaizawashota]

I'd totally die if you could write aizawa x reader something really wholesome. Like the reader confessing their love and saying that he is a good man And it ending in cuddles and just some fluff stuff. (Sorry if it's not very specific/sucks)

[Ugh I actually LIVE for this kind of thing so, aha no shame in asking for it lol. Honestly just thinking about writing this one made me tear up and gag becusse it’s disgusting how much love I can actually write about this man...(plus I think sometimes aizawa needs to hear these things from time to time) ]

Your heart pounded in your chest as the heels of your shoes clicked with each step you took down the halls of U.A. Normally you didn’t feel such a jittering in your chest when walking around the building, but today was a little different. This would be the first time since the USJ incident you’d be seeing Aizawa. It was crazy to think that stubborn emotionally detached grump of a man made your heart accelerate this much just in anticipation. Shouta wasn’t typically the kind of man one warmed up to. He was distant and the brunt force of his words could be taken as some by vicious and cruel, even uncaring....but you saw another man behind that facade. You knew there was a caring, more kind nature to him that not many were blessed with the knowledge of.

That’s why when you had heard about the attack on the USJ, it broke your heart to pieces to know what had gone down. The more in-depth details of the incident had been kept on low and low as per requested by the principal, but from the details you had gathered from your fellow colleagues Aizawa among was one of the few severely hurt. You didn’t know much of his condition, all you knew was that he had went down fighting for the safety of his students.

You could just remember when Yamada first told you the details of the fight. Your body stood there numb as a laugh shook through your chest. Though you were laughing, tears had began to gush from your the ducts of your eyes, the laughter becoming sobs as your viciously rubbed the ball of your palm into your eyes “that sounds like Shouta...” You couldn’t hold yourself together in that moment. While you wanted to be mad and upset, your body’s natural reflex was to laugh. As much as the man would complain about his students, and complain about their irrational tendencies and over enthusiastic voices, you knew he cared for them as if they were his own children.

You shook your head, clearing the thought from your mind as approached closer to his class room. You had texted him earlier to make sure it was fine you were stopping by. You knew being out for a day or two after the incident really pushed his lesson plans back a bit, and you didn’t want to get in the way and cause any further detrimental effects on his students learning. Even though he has responded with a very ambiguous consent, you still couldn’t help but maybe think you should just come back another time. What did you really plan to say to the man? Sorry you got your ass kicked, but I’m glad your okay.

You stopped in front of the door of classroom 1-A hand hovering on the door knob as you debated over weither or not knock first. Your brain always tended to go a bit goofy when you were around Shouta...it was sad to say the least. Yamada would constantly jab jokes at the soft spots you held for the solemn teacher of the first year hero students. Often times he’d just chant very juvenile things whenever Aizawa was in an ears shot, though for Yamada, an ears shot could be half way across the building. “Y/LN AND AIZAWA SITTING IN A TREE-“ “if you so much as finish that sentence I swear your a dead man walking” “Oooooh relax, im just joshing you around y/n! Besides killing me doesn’t seem very plus ultra of you.”

It wasnt just apparent to Yamada however, apparent most of the staff knew you held an unusual fondness for Aizawa. Some thought it was sweet you were able to find something to love about the other, most thought you were just wasting your time. It was sad just how obvious you were about your feelings and yet it seemed as if the other still couldn’t pick up on your feelings. With a trembling hand, you took a step back from the door hoping to escape unnoticed...but that ship was soon to sail. As you moved to turn around, your heart clenched as you heard his voice on the other side of the door, almost sounding agitated with your indecisiveness. “Are you coming in or not? When you said you’d stop by I didn’t think it would be just to stare at my door.”

Wildly your heart began to thrash around your chest in panic as you tried to formulate a response, any response, though the best you could muster up was the strength to crack the door open. With a heavy chest you pushed the door just enough to slither into the room, eyes freezing as you fixated on his body....you’d never seen him look so...vulnerable. You couldn’t help when the tears began to freely stream down your cheeks as you moved closer into the room. “Aren’t you just a sight for sore eyes, huh?” You couldn’t help the soft smile that tugged at the corners of your lips as your eyes made contact with his body. You weren’t happy to see him like this, not in the slightest, but for some reason you couldn’t help but smile. Maybe it was the knowledge of seeing him alive or maybe the fact that you always smiled when you were anxious, and especially when you were around him.

The sound of your tears settled in the under tones of your voice, but if anyone could pick up on them, of course it would have to be him. “Why are you crying?” He asked in his typically monotone voice, you immediately becoming self conscious of your actions.

Frantically your hands began to wipe at your face sniffling softly as you gave a nervous laugh “how do you know if I’m crying or not you jerk...you can’t even see my face”

His body stiffened in his chair, and simultaneously you began to feel worse. “I can hear it in your voice y/n...plus I can still see past my bandages. It wouldn’t be very practical if I couldn’t now would it...”

You couldn’t help but snort after his retort, you moving closer to your friend sitting yourself on the edge of his desk. “I’m sorry...it’s just...when i was told what happened, I didn’t think to prepare myself to see you in this bad of shape. I knew the injuries you sustained were pretty bad but....” you paused your hand trembling as you moved to push the bangs that fell in his face just far enough back to clear the view of his eyes . “I-I didn’t think it’d be this bad” you whimper the tears once more falling. The smile you’d been holding onto dropped at the same time your hand did, your body shaking as you cried. The sight of him like this hurt your heart and you couldn’t bare to look at him.

This time, it wasn’t as subtle that you were crying. He may not have shown it but most certainly he didn’t care to hear you in so much agony. “I asked you before and you didn’t answer me, I’m going to ask you again. This time please answer me.” His tone was a bit more pressing, the edge in it making you flinch backwards. You knew he wouldn’t hurt you, it was just...he sounded so aggravated with you, and that wasn’t what you wanted at all. “Why are you crying Y/N”

It took a minute for you to answer the question...honestly you didn’t know how to at first. The only thing you could think to do was ramble, ramble endlessly and quickly. “B-because...I was so worried for you Shouta! When Yamada told me what happened, I just couldn’t help myself. I cried uncontrollably like a giant toddler... I was so scared that the last time i saw you would be the last time i saw you.” Your words were coming out uneven as you frantically sobbed, your body shaking. “You’re always so quick to think logically in every situation, but how come in the one situation you should have been the most logical about, you decided to act like a giant bone head!”

Aizawa was taken aback by your tone, his body language changing as he listened to you sob. If you could only see his face under those bandages you’d see the grimace spreading across his lips. It pained him to see you so upset....he wanted to interject but before he could you were already back to spouting nonsense his way. “I know you had students to defend and i know you’re not the type of person to just stand by when the stakes are high, but you could have died out there! And I wouldn’t have been able to tell you any of the things I’ve been so afraid to say!” You your sobs mixing in with laughter. “I w-wouldn’t have gotten the chance to tell you how much you infuriate me sometimes when you act like you don’t know I care about you! I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to tell you that I adore the way your lips pull into a pout when you fall asleep while your grading papers in the lounge! I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to tell you that I love the feeling I get when I’m standing next to you and you casually let your pinky brush against mine and act like it was an accident, even though I swear every time you do it I can see you smiling.”

You were a nonstop mechine of tears and nonsense in this moment. The whole reason you were so devistaed by the entire thing was because you loved this man, and the thought of your entire world being ripped away from you without giving you the chance to even let him know he was your world ate away at you. You worked to steady your breathing as you moved to rub your face into your elbow, also attempting to muffle the sobs that were coming out far to quickly for you to stop. “I-it’s selfish of me to worry about all the things I wouldn’t have been able to say to you over the safety of your students, but what was I going to do if you would have died out there before I was able to tell you how much I love you Shouta.”

There was a silence in the air as you both sat there. Neither of you knew what to say in this moment and it was evident. You just sat there mortified, that this was how you finally confessed your feelings to the other, and that he had no response towards any of it. Finally it came time that one of you broke the thick silence that settled between you two. “You talk to much...” shouta responded standing to his feet. Your heart broken into pieces as he said those four words, crushing the hopes that their would be just a minor bit of reciprocation to your feelings. Your head hung as you whimpered out the remainder of your tears. “I was going to say all of that in under five words.” He hummed.

Your head whipped around, watching as the other gently wiggled his arm free of their sling, you cringing as he hissed out in pain. “What are you doing you silly man? You’re going to hurt yourself...” you sniffled.

With a low grunt his arm dangled, he struggling to rest it against yours. You couldn’t see his hands through the casts, but you knew exactly what he was doing. The edge of his bandages gently carcasses your pinky, as he let out a sigh. It was different then most of his other sighs, this one sounded relieved. Rubbing your eyes you watched as he let his head rest against yours, nuzzling himself as close as he could without causing himself any more physical pain. “I guess since you went first I’ll have to sum this up in under six words then...I love you too y/n.”

#aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #my hero academia #bnha #bnha requests #one shot #bnha fanfiction #toshinori x reader #hizashi x reader #bnha x reader #requested

[legion1993]

Please Don’t Make Me Do This

title:  Please Don’t Make Me Do This

kink square filled: Knife Play

dark square filled: Knife Play

Heaven & Hell square filled: Demon!Dean

ship: Demon!Dean x reader

rating: 14+

tags: major character death, forced knife play, 

summery (if applicable): its a surprise….

word count (if applicable):

created for @spnkinkbingo @spndarkbingo @heavenandhellbingo 

also this is for a request brought in by @hawaiianohana15 

A/N: please dont shoot me, but cas doesnt actually stay in heaven for what goes down in this story. im sorry for what im gonna put everyone through. i know for me ive put off writing about this particular thing cause it still gives me nightmares. 

tag: @sweetness47 @alexis-m-kruger

spn kink bingo masterlist  Dark bingo masterlist  heaven and hell masterlist

this was possibly the hardest event of your entire life, the hardest day of your life. the day you witnessed the love of your life get murdered on the eve after your engagement. 

you hadnt the heart to send every single person you had invited a letter saying the wedding was cancelled, hell you didnt have the heart o do anything except sit in your old room and listen to all of Dean’s favorites on repeat. 

after about 4 hours Sam had gotten very very concerned, so he made you some coffee and made you up a plate of food and brought it into your room. the sight he saw when he walked inside was something that made him place the food and drink on your dresser and come engulf you in a huge hug. 

course Dean and Sam wanted to take down Metatron, but of course that didnt go as well as expected for it was then that Metatron stabbed Dean. long story short told to you personally through Sam’s sobs... 

Dean had gotten hold of the first blade again after being bruised and beaten badly in a mortal kombat fight type deal with Metatron.

Metatron stabbing Dean through the heart with an angel blade just as Sam came round the corner and Dean of course turned around. 

Sam helped Dean off the ground and tried to make it out of the warehouse but Dean coughed, said he was proud of them and then breathed his last.

Sam had called out for Cas in a loud scream of pain. about 5 minutes later Cas appeared and became terribly horrified at the sight before him. 

Cas: “what happened?”

Sam: “Metatron killed him, we have to get home.. back to the bunker, to YN she needs to know but no one else can... can you get us and the impala back in one shot or is it needed in 2 trips...”

Cas: “it can be done in 1 shot but how will you tell YN... wont she be crushed?”

that was when Cas realized that Sam was gonna tell you after they got back to the bunker... sam was gonna tell you what happened, tell you that Dean died like  hero... that he went down fighting and that his last thoughts werent of her but he knew he loved you.

Cas: “look Sam i know that YN and Dean were a thing but there is something i have to tell you... about their relationship... but she doesnt know, neither of them did... you can’t tell her...”

Sam now intrigued finds the strength to look away from his brothers corpse. Cas took a deep breath watching as Sam now sat looking at him.

Sam: “cant tell her what?”

Cas: “she and Dean fullfilled the prophecy that Heaven spoke over them, they conceived a child a week before the death of a winchester at the hands of Metatron.”

Sam: “YN’s pregnant?”

Cas: “yes, but there is nothing else that can be done here, lets take this show back to the bunker and see if there is anything that can be done about Dean... ill take us all straight to his room, then ill stay here while you go talk to YN before she finds out on her own about Dean...”

Cas teleports Dean and Sam plus himself back to Deans room in the bunker. you were in the library researching a way to get rid of Metatron that would actually be most effective. you didnt hear the boys talking in Deans room. however you only had this feeling like something wasn’t right. 

it stayed with you heavily as you sat there pouring through the books and every page seemed to make time go by alot slower than it actually was... it wasnt until you flipped the page again that you heard your name being called. this made your head snap up...

you went around the corner and Saw Sam walking towards you... 

Sam: “hey squirt!”

You looked around and didnt see Dean, didnt see your man. you turned your gaze back to Sam who walked closer to you...

YN: “where’s Dean?”

Sam: “YN he was hurt badly... there was an accident, it was a bad one... before i let you see him you need to know he might not come back from this one alive... or if alive he wont be himself... the first blade really did a number on him. but his last concious thoughts were of you... YN he wasnt breathing when Cas got to us... Cas is with him now trying to figure this out, but so far no luck...”

YN: “i have to see his body...”

Sam stepped immediately in front of you stopping your entry to the hallway.

YN: “get out of my way Sam... i have to see his body...”

Sam: “no cause if you go in there your not gonna be able to unsee that...”

YN: “there has to be something we can do...”

Sam: “we will find a way but for now lets leave him alone...”

you went back too the library and cracked a bottle of whiskey... Sam stood around the corner for a few minutes and watched you slowly crumble apart... 

Sam went back to talk to Cas...

Cas: “ive healed his major wounds and slowed the death process... how did she take it...”

Sam: “she has started to drink the whiskey... i dont think she will come back from this...”

Cas: “well lets go make sure she isnt gonna do something stupid...”

Sam & Cas take one more glance at Dean’s body before heading out to the library to find you on the phone just kinda out of their hearing patterns.. it was only but a while later that Crowley texted you that he was outside the bunker...

you went to the door and let him inside... you walked down the stairs with Crowley at your tail... both Sam and Cas stood taking defensive position...

Sam: “Squirt what is he doing here?”

You finished walking down the stairs before you answered...

YN: “he is here to help me save Dean... he says he can save him... ergo that is whats going to happen...”

Cas: “dont do this, we cant trust him...”

Crowley: “look ok i have a soft spot for YN and Dean they have become my new favorite couple... but when word got out downstairs about Metatron having killed Dean. i knew it would be only a matter of time before i got a call from YN, but i also knew i might or might not be able to help.. YN show me where the body is... then ill need a while alone with it... for the way this should go may or may not come with alot of side effects...”

you led Crowley to Dean’s room, opening the door this was your first glance at Deans body... this was the only time other than not but 6 years before when you had lost Dean... to your dismay this time looked much much worse.

YN: “crowley do what you have to... just make sure he comes back to me in one piece...”

Crowley: “ill do my best and let me be the first to say congratulatons!”

you left the room wondering what the hell he meant, but still made your way back to the library... you sat on the couch and waited, waited patiently...

---------------------------

Crowley stands beside Dean placing the first blade in Dean’s right hand and placing both on his chest. 

Crowley: “listen to me Dean Winchester, what you're feeling right now, it's not death. It's life, a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. And by the way your going to be a father, now lets go take a howl at the moon.”

----------------------------

something stirred, you felt it, you felt the house shake, the entire bunker shook with a violent power... it wasnt but a few moments later that the power went out in the entire bunker... no sound could be heard but something inside you stirred, something felt new, arisen if you would... 

YN: “Sam, Cas are you guys okay?”

Sam and Cas are at your sides immediately! 

Cas: “i dont know but i cant leave my power isnt working...”

Sam: “YN you looked a little stunned a few moments ago... what did you feel?”

You didnt know how to answer that, it was a very strange feeling but being bonded with Dean made things easier. during hunts and stake outs... but now it felt like something went horribly wrong... crowley did however say that there may be side effects... 

YN: “i think whatever Crowley did worked but i dont feel normal Dean i feel a much darker force... if that is why the power went out then we need to lock this place down... now and we need to prepare for the worst... lock it down nothing gets in and nothing gets out...”

you, Sam and Cas all armed yourselves, going down the halls till the tri-fork in the hall... each of you took a hall... Cas came across nothing he stayed near the armory for a few minutes to make sure Dean wouldnt be able to easily access it if he came that way... Sam made it down his hall way to the garage, but obviously with the security locked down and the power outage the garage wouldnt be a good escape route... 

you went down the bedroom hallway, the emergency red lights going down the hallway made it to your room, checked it once and cleared it of being offended... then sam’s room along with Cas’ room.... 

the room at the end of the hall, the one room where you didnt think anything was wrong... the one room where the closer you got the more anger and pain you felt... before you could fully encrouch on the room, the door flung off its hinges... you ducked into the darkened bathroom... 

Demon!Dean: “Sammy, YN, Castiel! where is everyone to greet the brother who has come back from the dead? YN baby come give daddy a kiss...”

Dean now walking towards the bathroom slowly, now sniffs the air... he suddenly becomes ravenous for the being who holds the smell of pumpkin pie. the closer he got to the bathroom, the stronger the smell got. 

Demon!Dean: “come on out Baby.. i dont want to hurt you, but i will if i have to... come on out baby... dont you want to celebrate with me about our child... oh yes i know all about that... you can thank Crowley for that... now im gonna count to 3 if you dont show yourself by the time i get to 3, im gonna hurt you baby, i dont want to but i will...1...”

you didnt know what to do, so you stood there behind the door and didnt realize that you were starting to sweat badly your gun was slipping... before you could even react your gun fell to the ground...

Demon!Dean: “ah so you want to have a bit of bathroom fun hmm... well daddy brought a fun little tool... now lets play...”

with that Demon!Dean stalked into the bathroom forcefully pulling the door shut as he now stood there with you in the creepy red lighting, he stood there with his pocket knife. 

YN: “please dont do this, you dont want to hurt me i know you dont... for the sake of our child... please... i didnt know about my being pregnant D... im just finding out about this... look ok it tore me up to see your body like that, so i called Crowley... i knew when the power went out that you had come back... but i didnt expec...”

before you could say another word, his hand covered your mouth... he gently yet firmly ran the knife over your skin, he pressed down in certain tender spots, like your forearms, your thighs, your chest, as well as your cheeks. before stopping at your neck to lean in to sniff your aroma.. 

Demon!Dean: “you know babe, i never pictured myself as a father... i just realized i never told you what i did in Hell the first time i died... i tortured people, i tortured souls... these people didnt deserve it, but i didnt care, i liked it... now i think i’ll torture you similar to them...”

at that moment with lightning speed he ran the knife through all your clothes till you were standing in your Bra and panties. this made you shiver since it wasnt the man you fell in love with standing before you doing this to you. 

at that moment you felt the knife he was holding go into your skin on your thigh, you buckled at the pain, yet Demon!Dean just laughed with amusement. he ran his hands over your body, feeling you tense and un-tense beneath his touch. 

Demon!Dean: “i still have enough sense to know not to fuck a pregnant woman... but that doesnt mean i cant make you bleed...”

before he could finish cutting you in a few more places, the sound of your name came ringing through the halls. 

Sam: “cas do you see that?”

Cas looks straight ahead at the door on the floor...

Cas: “does that mean he is back?”

Sam: “yes but he doesnt have the strength normally to kick in these door which are reinforced with iron... he would have to...”

thats when it hit Sam like a sack of bricks... the shocked look on his face now said everything he connected the dots and soon realized that whereever Dean was you would be too...

Sam: “Dean or whatever you call yourself.. show yourself now...”

then he turned to Cas and in a low whisper adressed him.

Sam: “ok Cas go down the hall and hide around the corner as soon as he shows himself ill keep his gaze fixed on me, use your teleportation to get directly behind him... go...”

Cas ran to where Sam said but heard the same not so distant voice Sam soon did...

Demon!Dean: “ill be out in a second brother, im just taking a leak... then ill come out and talk...”

Demon!Dean finished making you bleed some more watching your body slide down the wall, weak from blood loss as he opened the bathroom door and exited...

Demon!Dean: “hey Sammy... come give your big brother a hug...”

Sam started to slowly back up seeing the blood covering Dean’s hands and clothes... 

Sam: “where’s YN?”

Demon!Dean: “i wouldnt know your the first one ive seen...”

Sam: “then whose blood are you covered in?”

Demon!Dean: “i found a family of rats and slaughtered them... why do you look so scared bro?”

Sam: “thats not rats blood is it?”

Demon!Dean could only bring off a dark smile... as he followed Sam down the hall and away from the bathroom... Cas took his opportunity to come out from around the corner and go towards the bathroom... where he found you... he took off his trench coat and laid it over you...

Cas: “what did he do to you?”

YN: “he called it knifeplay... i have no idea why he did this but he needs something... he needs a good angelic exorcism...”

Cas: “what do you have in mind?”

you explained to Cas that first you needed to get into some clean clothes of some kind and clean up some of this blood... Cas went to your room and grabbed one of your satin gowns... 

Cas came back seeing you limping... he helped steady you while you got dressed... then he took your arm with his hand... he smiled lightly and doove deep into steadying you before helping you into the direction that he watched Demon!Dean & Sam go in... 

he made sure you were alright before he took off to get into his position... slowly but steadily you made your way down the hall... to the sound of running footsteps and the sound of something breaking...

Demon!Dean: “Sam come on lets not play these games... why do you hide from your older brother...”

you steadied yourself and held the colt up high...

YN: “Demonic force that resides within Dean Winchester... i address the entity within thee... please dont make me do this...”

Demon!Dean turns to face you slowly after stopping in his tracks...

Demon!Dean: “YN baby i see you have managed to get up off the floor and clean yourself up... darling you really should be more careful with that, since when did i give you permission to touch that gun...”

YN: “you didnt i took it from your hiding place when i got up off the floor... you need to make sure that you pick better hiding spots...”

Demon!Dean: “and you need to make sure not to snoop...”

YN: “dont make me do this...”

you stayed tall and strong keeping the Colt trained on Dean...

Demon!Dean: “now now babe put the gun down... put it down or take your shot...”

you started to slowly put the gun down but then he charged towards you, Cas came out behind Dean and wrapped his arms around him from behind... 

you took your shot, you shot Dean while he was in the arms of Cas, you watched between Cas’ angelic grace and the bullet from the colt the demonic energy that was within Dean now blinked away... now within the eyes of the man before you, blinked between the demonic force within and the Dean you fell in love with.

Cas: “ready YN im gonna keep holding onto him while you enact the final part of your plan... anytime now...”

that was your cue, you tossed the colt in the air running towards the man who stole your heart a thousand times over... you kissed him, he didnt react right away it was about 5 minutes into the kiss that he started to kiss you back...

thats when Cas let go, it made you feel normal to be back in Dean’s embrace... once the kiss broke you took him over to the security station you had set up and showed him all of what happened... 

Dean: “i know that i wasn’t myself but i hurt you, i hurt the one person who means the world to me... i’m so sorry YN... you don’t deserve a guy like me... i’m a worthless piece of shit... to top it all off, we are expecting a baby... we are expecting i don’t know if i’m ready to be a father...”

YN: “i know your gonna do wonderful as a father, and i also know that when i saw you basically dead, it tore me apart, i dipped so far into the whiskey that i almost blacked out, if the power hadnt gone out, i wouldn’t be awake right now...”

Cas and Sam come back into the room making sure that it was safe first... then Sam took it upon himself to hand Dean his jacket, to which made you look with confusion but you didnt make anything of it.

Sam: “good luck buddy...”

you grab 3 glasses & the whiskey, while the charade continues... but wasnt expecting what happened next...

Dean: “dont touch your glass of whiskey yet.... YN there is something i wish to discuss with you first...”

You stared at Dean curiousity swimming in your mind... Dean took a small swig of his whiskey before he continued to speak...

Dean: “YN in all my years together never have i ever been so amazed by anyone. you’re strong, brave, talented, one of the best with a machete ive ever seen, i never would have seen myself being with someone who is as lovely and smart as you... YN i know we have just been through hell and back and both need a really good shower, but will you do me the incredible honor of marrying me and making me the luckiest man alive...”

YN: “yes yes yes...”

thats when Dean opened the ring box out of his jacket and slid the expensive but not expensive ring on your finger... the toasting lasted for 30 minutes before the cuts on your body cloted, and the blood on Dean crusted, but it was about time when you spoke again...

YN: “Dean no offense but you need a shower...”

Dean: “funny darling i could say the exact same thing about you....”

#heaven and hell bingo #spndarkbingo #spnkinkbingo

[chatnoirismycinnamonroll]

LoOnly Human: Akuma!Marinette AU (part 4: finale)

So...I have literally no excuse about how long this took to write. But here it is! Part 4 of my Akumanette. You know my disclaimer, so I wont repeat it. Enjoy!

AAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCN

The class was silent as they watched the tiny goddess glide back to her chosen. Alya was crying silently, wanting nothing more than to rush to her friend and hug her and apologize for being such an idiot, but she knew she wasnt welcome at the moment. 'Why would I be? I'm supposed to be her best friend, but I didnt even give her the benefit of the doubt. I believed Lila without a single question, but I'm always questioning Marinette's stories and excuses. How many times have I dismissed her worries for nothing but jealousy? I wonder if she'll ever forgive me.'

Marinette kissed Tikki on the forehead as she floated back to her. "You didnt have to do that, but thank you. It means so much to me to have a true friend stand up for what's right."

"You're welcome, Marinette. And know that I will always have your side. Nobody is ever allowed to hurt you, no matter who they are."

Adrien watched the sweet scene with a slight smile on his face. He was still freaking out a little that Marinette was his Ladybug, but that could wait until they were alone. For now, they were still in the same room as the people who tried to break her, and his Chat Noir refused to relax in this kind of situation. His persona and his literal black cat. Was Plagg hissing a little? And why is he looking behind-?

Adrien whirled around, his body moving to shield Marinette without a second thought, his eyes narrowing as he faced the class, searching for the danger. His eyes moved rapidly and finally locked on what Plagg was now hissing at. His eyes widened as he took in the scene.

"Lila, what are you doing?" Adrien asked tensely.

"I wouldnt do that if I were you, snake. It's just going to lead to your end." Plagg warned, his eyes glowing slightly. Tikki nodded, her eyes glowing just as bright. Lila scoffed.

"You think I'm scared of you?! Do you think you can just talk about me like that? I am not a liar! I was just telling people what they wanted to hear! People loved me for it in all my other schools, and those who didnt were smart enough to stay out of my way."

Adrien's eyes widened as he realized her plan and what it would do.

"Everyone get out! Lila, let go of the string." Adrien stepped forward slightly, only to flinch back when she stepped in front of the door, blocking the exit.

"You just had to question everything, didnt you? You couldnt just sit back and enjoy my stories like all the other weak-minded sheep in this class. Nooooo. You had to be smart enough to tell the difference. And you, Agreste. You actually believed I would listen to your little advice? 'You dont need to lie to get people to like you. Just tell the truth!' Ha!" Lila sauntered forward, her eyes low and slit like a snake's as her hand held tight to the string. It led straight to her desk, where she had secretly set up two chemical flasks. They were set up, one upside down over the other, a metal sheet keeping the deadly mix separated. She didnt want another class to end this way, but they were leaving her with no choice.

The class moved behind Adrien and Marinette as they took their stances, their kwamis ready to transform them at the first word. With Lila covering the door, the only way out was through the windows. They werent that high up, and there was a tree near the window, so it wouldnt be too dangerous for the class to get out safely. Marinette looked at Adrien, and he nodded subtly without looking at her, knowing exactly what she was thinking, but keeping his eyes on the danger ahead. Kim silently tried to open the window, only to see it nailed shut. He tried the other windows with no luck. It seemed Lila had planned ahead.

"You are so naive! Everybody lies! You cant go anywhere without having someone lie to impress you. I was just giving everyone a little dose of reality. And now, since you two idiots just had to go and ruin my fun, I'm gonna have to make you disappear. Forever. And with you out of the way, there'll be nobody to question my statement of what happened here. 'MISPRINT ON CHEMISTRY SHEET CAUSES CLASS TO MIX THE WRONG CHEMICALS! A FATALLY EXPLOSIVE REACTION TAKES ALL BUT ONE! HERE IS HER STORY!' And as the only survivor, nobody is going to question on whether I'm telling the truth or not!" She extended her arm, ready to pull it back and start the deadly explosion....

"CATACLYSM!" "LUCKY CHARM!"

...Only to tug on nothing but a cut string as a razorblade was expertly thrown at the string. She stumbled and fell as a small hole opened beneath her, trapping her legs in the floor. The class below them screamed as a hole and a pair of legs appeared above them, having thought that the akuma had been defeated earlier.

"Great job, Stinky Socks!"

"You too, Sugar Cube. I told you I had it more under control." Plagg gloated. Tikki rolled her eyes, but gave him a high five anyway.

"You sure surprised me, but I'm happy. Now Master Fu wont worry so much about you."

"Speaking of worrying, what are we going to do with this brat?" Plagg floated down to a glaring Lila. He landed just out of her reach as she struggled to pull herself out and smirked when she failed.

"We should call the police. She almost killed us all." Alya exclaimed from behind Marinette, who jumped from having forgotten the rest of the class was there.

"Yeah, I'll get my phone-" Nino said, pulling it out of his back pocket and getting ready to unlock it when a familiar voice interrupted from the doorway.

"Theres no need for that. My daddy will make plenty sure shes never allowed in Paris again." Chloe stepped into the room with Sabrina behind her. Sabrina had her phone out, recording everything.

"Chloe! Were you recording the whole time?" Adrien asked anxiously, his eyes flashing worriedly to Marinette. Marinette was still by his side, though now she seemed less confident with the whole class tensing up at the reminder of what exactly had happened.

"Only Liar-la's little monologue. And although I'm not happy that Marinette is Ladybug, I'm not going to out your secret. And if anyone else tries to, well, let's just say that I wont need my daddy to make your life a living hell." Chloe's eyes narrowed at the class, who shrunk away from her gaze.

Marinette stepped forward, her eyes filled with gratitude and confusion. "Why are you being so nice? I thought you would have hated me, not protected me."

"Please, Dupain-cheng. I could care less about you, but you have saved my life multiple times as Ladybug, so I'm just repaying the favor by keeping your secret under wraps. And I'm not protecting you. I'm doing my duty as a heroine of Paris by ensuring its protectors' identities dont somehow get back to Hawkmoth. It's just business. Sabrina!"

"They're right outside, Chloe. My daddy is leading them in as we speak." Sabrina chirped obediently from the doorframe. Her eyes were glued to her phone, no doubt texting her father about the situation.

"Good. Meanwhile, I suggest you two transform. They'll be expecting the heroes to have purified the victim, who was escorted home by her friend, Adrien Agreste, to recover from the akumatization. Ladybug and Chat Noir were about to leave only for this girl to scream out in anger at having been called out as a liar by an akuma. Shes crazy, and when you saw what she was going to do, you used your powers to trap her. Sabrina and I were returning to the class when we heard the commotion and decided to call the police since you two were too busy trying to keep everyone safe. Nobody will question why Marinette and Adrien arent here and the police will take care of the rest."

Everybody stared slack-jawed at Chloe's plan. It was going to work perfectly. They couldn't find one flaw with the plan, and decided to go with it. This day was already stressful enough as it was. If Chloe was giving them a plausible out, they were going to take it.

The heroes transformed just before the police entered, guns drawn and pointing to Lila. "Is this her?"

"Yes, Officer. We have her on tape explaining her plan, and would like her to be removed immediately."

"Of course, Ms. Bourgeois. Chat Noir, if you could..." the officer pointed towards Lila's legs, which were still trapped in the floor.

"Gladly. Cataclysm!" The hole crumbled just enough to get her out, and the police fell on her immediately. They werent exactly gentle with her. After all, she just tried to commit mass murder.

Lila growled as she was hauled up from the floor, her arms locked behind her in handcuffs. "This isnt over."

"No, it definitely is. You're never going to win again, Lila. You're going to get all that is coming to you." Chloe warned, her eyes narrowed and a dangerous smirk speaking volumes as she moved into Lila's line of sight, effectively blocking Marinette from view. "Karma certainly is a bitch, isnt it?"

Lila screamed in anger as she was dragged away to face the consequences of her actions. The police gathered the class's statements, not asking about the akumatization and ignoring their awed yet worried looks at the heroes. You'd think they'd never seen the heroes up close before.

The police finally left, and school was let out early for Lila's threat and the akuma. Ladybug and Chat had stayed to give their statements and fix the damage they (their kwamis) had caused during the rescue. They refused to speak to their classmates, and they forlornly left them alone, worried that they would never be forgiven.

Chat and Ladybug stared at each other in the empty classroom. They had no words. They were still trying to process everything that had happened when their transformations finally fell.

Adrien and Marinette were left staring at each other, thoughts racing as familiar eyes finally placed a face to their partner. Feelings clashing and boiling within them, their eyes and bodies refused to move away from each other as they knew they had to talk it out.

Neither moved, and neither looked away. Without knowing it, they were already saying everything they needed to without a single spoken word. Eyes twinkling bright, their bodies moved on their own. Hands reached out to caress a soft cheek, to hold a slim waist, to wrap around their partner's own. Soft hands meeting calloused hands. Eyes saying everything that words couldnt.

Blue eyes full of pain and regret meeting green filled with understanding and comfort. There was the silent question if what came next. What will happen tomorrow? Could they still trust each other, even after this new revelation? Could she trust herself to keep going, knowing that either she could become vulnerable enough to fall to Hawkmoth again? Could she trust him to be by her side? Could she learn to forgive those who caused this pain within her?

But they pushed those thoughts away to enjoy each other's presence. The relief of knowing that your best friend was someone you knew, and knowing they know your good and bad sides, or at least have seen them before. To know that the love of your life had been closer than expected was such a thrill, it left both of them smiling.

They pulled the other closer, enjoying how well they fit together. And knowing they loved each other all along left them breathless. This could work. Sure, they probably had many problems that would come along. They would doubt each other, fight each other, and struggle. They were only human, after all.

But they could worry about that later. For now, they would enjoy the other, hugging and speaking to each other without saying a word, completely in sync with their feelings. There were no doubts, no ifs or buts. There was just them.

Adrien and Marinette.

Ladybug and Chat Noir.

Both skilled.

Both flawed.

Both completely Human.

The end.

AAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCN

Thank you very much for having waited so long for this! I know it got pretty hectic, but I hope you liked it. ^.^

@mindfulmagics @drarrylover007 @dreamteaze

#ml chameleon #only human my akumanette #akuma!marinette #mlb chameleon au #tikki is scarier than plagg #bamf tikki #tikki and plagg #marinette and tikki #plagg #ml plagg #adrien and plagg #adrienette

[lord-king-saint]

WEAK BOUNDARIES pt1

theres always that one person that loves you so much that you'll never doubt yourself-- or your "lovability"-- ever again. my person came late, and it didnt last, but it changed me forever.

snap wasnt the most beautiful man in the world-- but he was cute. a mutual friend introduced us at brunch, and i thought he was funny, and decent, but i figured i would never see him again. socializing in the city was so transitory.

but i did see him again, that same day. i left brunch, ran some errands, and was craving something cheap and greasy, so i went to panda express. while devouring the thin and crispy chow mein noodles, i saw a cute lil bubble butt in line. i was staring, but maintaining my queer hyperviligance-- until i realized it was him. it was snap, wearing a tight jogging outfit, and it amused me. why go for a jog if youre just going to eat bad chinese afterwards? i was intrigued.

when he recognized me, he danced over and sat at my booth. he didnt look sweaty-- but who was i to judge? i mean, he was in better shape than i was, so he had more social capital in gay world; and he had soft skin, a professional beard, and liquid green eyes. the more i looked, the more i found things to like.

he was a therapist who worked at a middle school, and we made small talk about our mutual friends. he said i had a good effect on everyone in the group. my mere presence cooled the egos of the gays who tended to be more self-involved, he noticed. it was definitely shade, but i was humble and simply said thank you-- and i remained humble when he asked for my number. he was hard to read, but i was open to his friendship. he was funny, and decent.

later, i discovered he had a partner, who happened to be very handsome. a group of us went on the rooftop together to drink wine, and snap's partner had just returned from spain filled with stories, and we got along well. i noticed that as a couple, they werent intimidated by how i could cool and dazzle a crowd. they were both drawn to it.

it was always fun to run into them. one night, a group of us went dancing and we enjoyed being sloppy drunk messes together. snap cannot dance to save his life. he made awkward hip gyrations, leaned on one leg, and would thrust his arms out in long offbeat displays of emotionality. he was terrible, and dangerous to dance with, because you could easily lose an eye.

even when sober, he danced like a staggering drunk with no rthythm-- but i loved that about him. i loved seeing him express himself, because he truly looked free, and i admired that. it was his own interpretative dance, and eventually the three of us were slowly grinding together, to the gay classics. when they drove me home, i sensed "something" there, but i thought better of it and went home alone. i wasnt prepared to be that messy.

but then, the happy couple came to my spa, and invited me into their hot tub, while i was on the clock. they were both naked. i thanked them, but declined. id never had a threesome, and i was just beginning my queer sexual odyessy. i didnt want to experiment and get my sea legs with my friends. i felt there was too much to risk.

months went by, and eventually the happy couple broke up, just before christmas. they were together for a year. by now, our gay tribe was meeting once a week, and during our Monday Night Dinner, snap spilled the beans. he was distraught, because he had never been broken up with. not only was it devastating, but it was new, so we asked how we could support him. "just text and visit me more," he said. my heart bled for him.

so, i texted him, and visited him more. i even gave him a massage, and invited him out with us to dance or watch standup. i realized i didnt know that much about him, really. he was a secretive scorpio, despite his decent casual nature, and i enjoyed making him laugh, and letting him pour his stories into me. i was an unhealthy empath at the time, and it made me feel good to be a receptacle for his feelings, while also showing him a good time. i thought i was healing him! and so, snap grew very attached to me.

he invited me over to his apartment to see his shelves of comicbooks. we would play music and hold each other while he poured his soul into me, telling me about how he scared his partner away with his jealousy, and his insecurity. i should have seen the red flags early, but i was a trauma victim. i was traumatized from childhood to avoid prolonged human touch-- but snap made me feel so safe in his arms! it surprised me, and it was healing me. i felt like he could hold me all night, and i wouldnt try to escape. it clouded my judgment.

there were so many nights with snap: cuddling with him, spooning him, making him laugh, burying his face in my neck, wrapping our legs and touching feet, breathing, going to new thought churches, planning our new years eve, laying out ideas for a podcast, doing yoga, talking to Alexa, walking to the comicbook store holding hands, crying, talking about libido, making salty mario kart jokes, listening to his top 100 new year playlist, and just laying in bed, him playing with my necklace.

we made plans to drive to san mateo for new years, but while we were rolling around the bed, and i threatened to tickle him, he cried out in fear. it felt like i was struck with a cold lightning bolt! i jumped off of him! i was so sorry! but he said he was fine. he said he was only triggered, and he confessed that i had a lot of power over him. it was the night before new years eve, but i didnt sleep.

the next morning, we were organizing the trip, but he was dark and faraway. i wanted to talk about the night before, and the cry that haunted my thoughts, but he went completely silent. suddenly, i realized what i was doing. i was over-involving myself in snap's dramas, and abandoning my own boundaries. when snap finally spoke, he said that i was in a precarious situation, because snap was still sensitive because of his ex, and he didnt want to take it out on me.

why was i abandoning my friends on new years to be with someone i just met? why was i playing caretaker for snap when he needed to be alone, to process his breakup? i was out of order, so i tried to bail. perhaps i should be with my friends instead. "this is your pattern!" he shouted angrily. "why are you doing this?"

i dug deep.

"im afraid that youre just saying youre fine, but secretly youre still mad at me!" i confessed, starting to cry. "i feel like im being punished for making a mistake!"

next thing i knew, i was sobbing in his arms, and he was stroking my head, soothing me, while my diaphragm pushed hoarse cries into his chest. this wasnt normal or proportionate, and we never resolved the actual issue. instead, we were trauma bonding, and when i finished sobbing, i was filled with so many chemicals, and i was so relieved from expressing my childhood trauma, that i changed my mind and went to san mateo with him.

it was his coworkers new years party, and we ate sliders on hawaiian buns, drank wine, danced the cumbia, and bought a hotel to sleep together. we changed into pajamas, spooned, and in the dark, with my arms around him, snap said, "where have you been all my life?"

when we returned home, i didnt leave. i helped change his bedding, i coached him through his exercises, and he lipsync'd to his favorite songs while i gushed. snap was becoming important to me. whatever he believed, especially about me, affected me greatly. i wanted to be his favorite person in the whole world.

he asked to take me to capitola for another vacation, but my friends warned me that we should spend some time apart, and i sensed they were right, so i did. snap was disappointed, but he went with his friends without me-- until he called me from capitola, and said he was coming back early, to see me. his girlfriends said he talked about me the whole trip, and he offered to drive back, even pick me up some food, and take me to a party.

"i cant believe i miss you this much after just two days!" he laughed. i hugged him tightly. i was happy he missed me. i never wanted to be apart from him, and he felt the same way! he even offered to throw my 30th bday party!

meanwhile, he was showering me with gifts. "look in the bag," he said one night. he had purchased me $60 worth of allergy supplements, the ones i had always wanted! i jumped on top of him and kissed him all over his face.

"youve shown up for me in such a powerful way, and it means more than words can say," he said, holding me. "youre my favorite person."

it was like crack.

we were fully enmeshed.

snap wasnt healing from his past relationship, and i was letting him use me as a distraction. i wanted his energy! i wanted his attention! i didnt care! it was a fully functioning codependent relationship-- and soon, i would have to fight my way out of it.

#writings

[amelie-shimada]

The Charmer

A/N:  This piece is dedicated to my friend @nan3251, who is one of my in-game friends and an early supporter of my work on this blog.  She encouraged me to not only keep writing, but to be confident in my own voice.  Her OTP is Gency, and that got me thinking about writing the characters, which led me to open my blog up to feature Gency and McSombra.

Thank you, Nan, for encouraging me to be true to myself in my writing. This one’s for you.

This was ridiculous.  No, she was ridiculous.  Angela Ziegler stood inside the lab, feeling all the world like a fish out of water in her little black dress.  She had zero reason to be here right now.  But she was ready early.  Ready for a date she had told herself she wasn't going to go on.

In times of stress, she sought the comfort of familiar surroundings and the distraction of busywork.  Everything was still so new with the recall that she didn't have as much on her plate.  She sighed.

Her heels were too loud as she crossed the room.  Each clicked mocked her.

She should have cancelled yesterday, or the day before.  But every time she'd picked up her phone, she couldn't do it.  She couldn't even open the text conversation.  She knew it wouldn't work.  There were just too many reasons why.  But she could never quite get the words out, whether in person or text.  Because the bottom line was, despite every misgiving and scrap of logic she could muster, she wanted this to work.  She wanted there to be something between her and Genji.

Genji Shimada.  Part man, part machine.  A medical marvel that was her most difficult and most rewarding case.  Cunning agent and compassionate advocate.  Gracious, goofy and charming. It was the last part was that worried her.

She pulled up the files she'd been compiling.  It was like picking at a scab.  She knew it wasn't a good thing to do, but she found it near impossible to leave the collection of articles and photos alone.  The holographic wall lit up, filling her field of view with Genji's past. Not Overwatch or Blackwatch.  This was a Genji she never met.  The one that existed before the rift between he and Hanzo had erupted into violence.  Back when he was the younger son of a powerful crime lord, a modern day prince and playboy.

Angela knew what she would find, but made herself look over the images again.  Paparazzi photos of him with countless women.  Angela was hard pressed to find the same woman photographed at more than one event.  Red carpets and restaurant openings, one woman on each arm. Pool parties.  Blurry pics taken from long distances that showed just enough to make her glad they were blurry.  She wasnt sure which were worse – those, or the ones where she could clearly see his face. The smile, unframed by his metal jaw but still unmistakable.  The way his eyes would dance when he was amused.  

It was too much.  The photos may be old, but it was still the same Genji...or was it?  She looked at them again, letting them tear at her heart a bit more.  The dashing young man in these pictures wouldn't give a woman like her a second look.  His options must be pretty limited now.  She would rather be alone than what someone had to settle for.

Why did they have to make him so stealthy?  She didn't hear him until it was too late.

“...Angela?”

She whirled to face him, shame warming her cheeks.  She tried to close the screen, but in her flustered state it took her a couple tries to get the right button.  She didn't meet his eyes as he walked over beside her.  He pressed the button, filling the room with the glow of the screen once more.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered.  “I was nervous and started looking and...” she waved her hand halfheartedly at the screen.  For the first time, she noticed what he was wearing.  Black dress shirt open at the collar and rolled up on his forearms.  The slim fit showed off the trim waist of his cyborg body.  He was clean shaven, and had clearly put effort into styling his signature green hair just so. And he smelled fantastic.  She didn't know if it was cologne or aftershave or what, but she loved it.  She wished with all her heart she could take the last few minutes back.  It would have been a wonderful date.

“Genji?” she said.  He was still staring at the screen.  She could see his eyes moving from one picture to another, and another.  “I'm sorry. I should have said something sooner...”  She should have done a lot of things different.  “Please say something.”

A heartbeat later, he finally spoke.

“This guy...” he said.  “This guy was an idiot.  I should thank Hanzo for killing him.  One of the few good side effects of that night.” He looked at her then, and she knew he was joking, but only partly.

Angela shook her head.  She needed to get out of here.  No sense in dragging things out.

Gently, he took her hand.

“Angela,” he said, and waited until she faced him.  “Tell me what you're worried about.”

She sighed.  This was humiliating.  “I'm not...like them,” she said, nodding to the women with the perfect bodies and perfect smiles on the screen.

“That's good!  No, listen,” he said when she rolled her eyes, “I'm serious.  That – all of that – was shallow, pointless, superficial nonsense.  It was like a big game.  We all used each other- fame, wealth, pleasure...”

Angela blushed furiously.  Genji squeezed her hand.

“Hey,” he said quietly, ducking down to catch her gaze again.  “It was all such surface stuff.  No real depth in any of those relationships.  In fact, that guy in those pictures wouldn't recognize a healthy relationship if it smacked him over the head.  Or saved him from the brink of death.”  

She couldn't help the little smile at that.  A bit of relief lit up his eyes.  Years ago, they had been an angry red.  Somewhere along the way, they had settled into a deeper color, like the last coals from a cozy fire.  She wondered when that change had occurred.  

“I'm sorry,” she started again.

“Don't apologize,” he said. “You weren't the only one nervous about tonight, you know.”

“What? Why?  I'm so boring.  After all that-” she gestured toward the screen.  The images died away.  Genji had hit the button.  He brought his hand to the side of her face, turning her back towards him.

“You,” he said, “are anything but boring.  You are...” he laughed to himself.  “I don't even have the words.  You aren't boring, Angela. In fact, I have a feeling you may be one of the greatest adventures of my life.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the tears prick at them.  When she opened them again, he was waiting, his eyes leaving his soul open and bare for her to see.

“Don't get bored of me,” she whispered.

“Never,” he promised.

“I'm afraid that guy would have,” she said, looking to where the screen had been.

“I already told you, that guy was an idiot.” he said.  His gaze flicked to her lips ever so briefly.

“Okay.”

“Okay? You believe me?”

“Yes,” she said.

“Good,” he said.  Because I'm running late for this date I was supposed to go on...”

She laughed and swatted his arm.  

“What? What did I say?”

She just laughed harder.  “I'm glad to see all the charm didn't die with the idiot.” She started walking to the door.

“I guess some survived,” he said as he moved to follow her.  “But I promise only the good stuff.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. Like.. wait, here we go.”  Genji cleared his throat and pretended to be serious. “I was hoping you would help me with an important scientific experiment.”

“What's that?” she said, playing along.

“Well, you see, I have this metal jaw...”

“I'm familiar...”

“And, well, I think it will hold up fine through most of the evening, dinner and conversation and all.  But when we get to the end of the night, should I get the chance for a goodnight kiss, I'm not sure if it will be a hindrance.”

“And you want me to help you with that.”

“Yes. I think we need to test it.  You know, scientifically.  At the end of the night.”

“I see,” she said.  “Except, we are in a lab now...”

His eyes widened in surprise.  She got him. A little thrill of victory fluttered in her chest.  It coexisted with the butterflies in her stomach.

“Excellent point,” he said as he sidled closer.  He slid an arm around her back.  “See? This is why I need help with this experiment.”

“Oh, that's what you needed help with?” she said.

“Well, that, and...”  he moved in close, pausing only a breath away.  One last chance for her to pull away.  She let her eyes drift close.  His kiss was slow and reverent.  He started to pull away, but she surprised them both by closing the gap again.  When they finally parted, they were both a little breathless.

“So,” she said, “I can report positive results on this end.  You know, with the -”

“Experiment. Yes.  Very good,” he said.  They laughed a little awkwardly.

“Now,” Genji said, “Can I take you out on this date?  I mean, you're in this gorgeous dress, and you look amazing, and...”

“Alright, charmer,” she said, linking arms with him.  “Pace yourself.”

“Yes ma'am,” he said as they headed out.

#overwatch gency #gency #genji shimada #angela ziegler #angela x genji #genji x mercy #genji x angela #mercy x genji #mercy #overwatch mercy

[weirdlizard26]

For the ask meme? All of them.

jay,,,

give me a sec to edit this post ok

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

wine glasses are like reading glasses except you wear them while drinking wine

i’d say water bottles but only the ones that can handle heat and stuff and not poison your drink with plastic or whatever

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

i havent had a lollipop in a good while so thats my choice

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

havent tried either but boy i’d love to try just a little bit of cotton candy at leastonce

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

bro,,,,,, that was like 10 years ago, how am i supposed to remember that,,,,,,,

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i usually drink soda from plastic cups but honestly? nothing beats the experience of sipping that sweet sweet ambrosia from the bottle,,, but also i’d love to try soda in a can some day!

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

idk what half of these would look like but sportswear always wins in my book

7. earbuds or headphones?

ok i actually googled whats the difference and im more of an earbuds person! theyrejust safer i think and it makes me kinda anxious when im home listening tomusic and cant hear anything going on around me

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows! well, unless the episodes are like 40 minutes or a full hour because its hard to focus for that long kfjsndkfs

9. favorite smell in the summer?

pavement after rain and also. grass.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

haha thats a funny joke you made there *starts crying*

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

just a couple of meat+cheese+mayo sandwiches! if its summer mom cuts tomatoes or cucumbers for us and as they start getting more and more expensive we replace them with pickles!

12. name of your favorite playlist?

sorry i couldnt choose!

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

aaaa i love fruit flavored ones!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

aaaaaaaa i dont remember if it was elementary or middle school but we were assigned this really cool ukrainian book that ive actually read before they assigned it. well, nobody here will recognize it but it was Тореадори з Васюківки by Всеволод Нестайко and it was about 2 boys who were best friends growing up in the countryside and they went on adventures and had fun and their friendship made me so happy,,, i guess i was all for cool friendship portrayal even back then! it was mostly laughs and jokes but some moments were actually serious and hit me really hard and i remember them to this day actually

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

its a myth, sitting was created as a personal attack on me

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my trusty old sneakers!! theyre all black and the sole is very soft and nice

18. ideal weather?

when the sun is out and its just warm enough to show off your new graphic tee and also very soft and nice

19. sleeping position?

i just lie on my left side like a fool

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

notebook!

21. obsession from childhood?

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! AND DANNY PHANTOM!!!! i even made a ghost fighting costume once,,,, tho it wasnt much of a costume, it was just fingerless gloves i cut out of paper. they were extremely uncomfortable. but very effective in fighting ghosts!

22. role model?

kfjsdnfk i have a bunch! might sound weird but one of them is bdg i think??? and the other 2 are some online acquaintances whom im too afraid to interact with more often than i do

23. strange habits?

repeating silly lines i hear on tv / in anime/cartoons? and also i never touch food with my right hand unless its plums?? and there are more but. you know. bad memory.

24. favorite crystal?

all of them!!!!!

25. first song you remember hearing?

my grandma used to sing this to me over the phone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPnqqPXQsw

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

go for a walk!

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

slep

28. five songs to describe you?

we are the people by empire of the sun

home by cavetown

strawberry blonde by mitski

smile like you mean it by the killers

afterlife by arcade fire

29. best way to bond with you?

wash your hands very thoroughly and make jokes

30. places that you find sacred?

i see nature i go crazy from how much respect i have for it

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass andtake names?

*wearing hinata cosplay* im here to play volleyball and kick your ass and as you can see ive already played today’s match

32. top five favorite vines?

road work ahead

a avocado!! thanks!!!!!

REBECCA THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK

i fell can you help me :(

that vine where ukulele sounds like human voices and people sounds like ukuleles

33. most used phrase in your phone?

idk how to check that??? sowwy

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

the stomach meds ad they keep showing on tv

35. average time you fall asleep?

3am? 4am? idk for sure

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

t-trollface…

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

havent used either (cause ive never traveled anywhere too far away) but the latter looks pretty and i feel like it would fit more stuff

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on my mood!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

dont kick me but im not sure if ive ever tried either ;w;

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

the school’s cat who hates most people actually kinda warmed up to me even tho im terrible with animals

41. last person you texted?

jay uwu

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

afabs cant have both huh

but i want both. please give me both.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all of these sound nice but my lazy ass will always go for hoodies

44. favorite scent for soap?

aaaaaaaa im allergic to a lot of soaps but i like flower scented ones

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

i love all of them dearly but lately ive been more into superheroes i think. im not sure really sure what exactly i feel

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

something really really long

47. favorite type of cheese?

there are different types????

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

i hope im a pear

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

become a good person. thats all.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i dont remember what it was but i remember i was with my friends and we couldnt stop laughing for several minutes and ive never felt happier

51. current stresses?

UNIVERSITY FUCK OFF!!!

52. favorite font?

i like comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

they arent doing so hot tbh, my dermatitis is back again

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i dont have one!

55. favorite fairy tale?

gonna be honest chief, i dont remember too many of them ;w;

56. favorite tradition?

on new year’s we turn the lights off, light up a candle in the kitchen, laugh at president’s speech and only then starts eating

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

getting over a lost friendship, passing high school finals and uni entrance exams and coming out to my best friend

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

singing!! being able to learn how to do most things pretty quickly!!! and i cant think of anything else but honestly these two are quite enough for me

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

uh oh! guess what! i dont have a catchphrase and im very self-conscious about it!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

im torn between sports anime and slice of life

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

because humans dont have wings we look for other ways to fly

from haikyuu

obviously

62. seven characters you relate to?

tsukishima kei from haikyuu

mae borowski from nitw

apollo justice from ace attorney

flame princess from adventure time

donatello from tmnt

sokka from atla

kageyama shigeo from mob psycho 100

63. five songs that would play in your club?

mr brightside, bohemian rhapsody, smile like you mean it by the killers and allof haikyuu ops and eds

64. favorite website from your childhood?

if social media counts, vkontakte i guess?? i didnt really go anywhere else and it still exists and i thriving so im not sure if it should count fkjsndkjf

65. any permanent scars?

yeah, the one from my very first vaccination from when i was a few months old i think and also some traces of when i had chickenpox

66. favorite flower(s)?

idk a lot of flower names but i really like tulips

67. good luck charms?

dont have any at the moment but i’d love to get one!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

whatever fish mom used to buy when we were kids >:(

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

bro my memory isnt good enough to remember those,,

70. left or right handed?

im a righty but i had to become a lefty for like a month when i broke my pinkie

71. least favorite pattern?

i like traditional ukrainian ornaments

72. worst subject?

history :P

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

ice cream + fries

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

idk how pain levels work but i try not to take meds unless the pain is interfering with studying

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

idk but i had a box full of my teeth for so long they turned to dust and i had to throw it away

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

RHNGRHGNRHGRNH EVERYTHING except for freshly made mashed potatoes

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

if its green it can stay

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

have never had either of those and i hope i never will cause they sound gross!

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i dont have a license, so.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

kfjsndfks depends on the mood tbh!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies!

82. pc or console?

i WISH i had a console but this is too broke for that,, i played a couple of times tho and it feels more fun than pc!

83. writing or drawing?

please dont make me choose, ive abandoned both and its making me feel bad

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts :O

84. barbie or polly pocket?

idk what polly pocket is but barbie rules!!!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

i feel like sometimes fairy tales are kinda like watered down myths so i have a right to say i like both

86. cookies or cupcakes?

my heart goes to cookies

87. your greatest fear?

finding out im faking any part of my identity

88. your greatest wish?

get through whatever’s going on right now

89. who would you put before everyone else?

mom

90. luckiest mistake?

when i recorded an undertale medley and got a few notes wrong but it actually ended up sounding better than originally

91. boxes or bags?

boxes!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights……

93. nicknames?

never really had many? my bff calls me mr smith sometimes but thats all i can think of fkjsdnfs but also! steve used to be my nickname before i decided my life my own and i get to choose my name

94. favorite season?

spring ;w;

95. favorite app on your phone?

sudoku

 96. desktop background?

 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

my own and my mom’s

 98. favorite historical era?

eh im not very fond of the past because not every time period had soap

#wl26 #wl26 answers #flamingerrs #jay just so you know i love you a whole lot #i really did that huh #long post

[strawberryspeachy]

I have so many time periods in my life that were fucking miserable (my whole life so lol) but most of them im like

Man. I wish i could go back with the knowledge i have now and change shit

But my senior year of college still takes the cake. I would not repeat that fucking year given the chance. I legit for real am npt exaggerating at all when i say I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GRADUATED. What strength i had. How did i do it??

I lost all of my friends. I lived with girls who made me feel worse about myself. My classes were super difficult and busy. My mom had finally admitted to me that she knew she was forgetting things.

I BECAME bulimic. That wasnt something i did before that year. Bulimic to the point where if i ate more than one peice or bread i felt guilty. Sometimes i coild rationalize to myself that i ate a healthy and appropriate meal but after 20 minutes id start panicking. That i HAD TO go throw it up. I HAD TO. if i didnt id regret it so i hadddd toooo

I didnt eat some days

And it went beyond the point of. All i have is my skinny body. It went to i hate myself and my life and i deserve to suffer. I dont deserve food. If i keep doing this maybe my body will fuck up enough that i die.

And speaking of death. It was the first time i fully tried to kill myself. I played with the idea before. Id do risky things on the off chance that id die doing it. Sometimes risky enough that i was surprised i even did it and got really scared afterwards thinking about ever doing them again. But id never made a plan. Got materials. And tried and fell asleep thinking id really never wake up. And i did it a couple times. And honestly i think i killed a part of me that year.

I cried all the time. I was just a zombie with a painted smile on my face so i could get help in class from other people. But i never actually smiled. And the second i walked in my room id start crying. All that bottled up energy released. And there was too much.

I used to fall out of my chair cause i was crying so much and id just roll around on the floor and then yell at myself to get my ass back in the chair and to keep studying. And i did. And id keep crying. And i kept studying.

And i took adderal several times a week. It wasnt even working. But it had a crack effect on me and would make me really happy and optimistic for no reason

I dont remember ever feeling confident in my studys. I walked into every exam terrifyed.

I was scared the entire year that i was gonna fail.

I was so out of it that i didnt even notice the stress permanently altered my apperance. Eveyone said i grew up. No the stress aged me. I didnt notice my hair fell out or how my chin seemed to grow. Or how my skin greyed

Theres no way to make thay year better. That was an awful year.

I have no point in this.

Just like that year and the two following it... which... issss 2014-2015-2016 to 2017

Like id completed three years of college. I had to graduate. I couldnt get out of that with a clear mind. And then coming home. None of my friends lived at home. I couldnt find a job. I took what i could get. I couldnt leave home. I had to stay for my mom. I had to and i wanted to.

Im thinking about it cause i could have immediately came to japan out of college. And i knew it then. I chose not to. I wanted to go home and be with my mom. And my family made that a nightmare. And watching her and taking care of her while she went downhill... i dont think ill be able to face those feelings... for many years to come. (I mean hopefilly not if i died while writing this id be happy) but theres really no getting around the fact that having completed my finance degree in college. My only choice was to end up as a server

My 13 year old dog died. My 18 year old cat died. My mom was shitting all over the house and refusing to sleep or eat. The woman who i hated so much that i went to work early and smiled while offering to stay later because “at least im not at home” finally died.

One day she told me she was gonna kick me out of the house (for the zillionth time) she screamed and yelled at me. And i went to work. And i came home and she was standing outside of the front door. I thought about continuing to drive and coming back later when shed moved. But for whatever reason i stopped and got out still hoping shed be gone by the time i walked up. She wasnt. She didnt even notice i was there. I was tempted to walk past her and go in. But i didnt. I asked her what was wrong. She said she could take the step to the sidewalk. And i helped her. And she rambled to me about how she thought shed be stuck there all night and how she didnt know what was wrong. The last time i saw her she had been screaming at me about how im a worthless spoiled lazy rude mean old adult acting like a baby. So. I really didnt have much sympathy to give her. I couldnt even talk. I was still mad. She thanked me. I said she was welcome. Thats all i remember. That was about 3 months before she died. If i went back to that exact moment knowing that information. I honestly dont think id change anything... she was.... so mean... so needlessly mean... im still mad about every time i was mad at her

Unlike my mom. Who i dreamed about this week. I had a dream that i was home just living my regular life in high school. And i did something. And my mom was yelling at me. And we got into an argument. Just one of those nonsense arguments that dont mean much. And in my dream i was like ugh my moms so annoying. And i woke up. And i miss her so much. What i wouldnt do to listen to my mom yell at me about something like taking too long to get ready. Or putting something in the wrong place. Or forgetting to do some chore she asked me to do. My mom with her fully functioning brain yelling at me because ive inconvenienced some plan that she has made for hersef that day. Thats shes fully capable of doing herself. And will do no matter what anyone says cause you dont mess with her schedule - you work with it.

I actually woke up and smiled. When you grow up do you ever think youll think about your parent full blown going off on you about something kinda dumb would ever make you smile...

Anyhow... that boy at work i like. I tried to be cute. He said he texts his friends back when he wants to when i pestered him about having not responded to my mesage. I was like

Oh thats the second time youve called me your friend! :) were friends :D

I just wanted a chuckle and for him to say yea yea were friends

But instead.... he said no. Were coworkers.

And i said you can be friends with your coworkers

Which led to a super long.... turned into argument...

Where he told me no. He doesnt need more friends. He only talks to me because he has to. He doesnt like me. He doesnt want to talk to me. He doesnt like when he has to talk to me. He has plenty of time to hang out with friends but not me cause im not his friend and he does not want to hang out with me. Dont ask him questions. Dont talk to him for more than a minute. He only said yes to hanging out with me because i was new to the country. His girlfriend didnt want him to and he decided he didnt want to after thinking about it. He wont change his mind. And he got really mad while telling me that his dumbass gf gets mad when i text him. And that he doesnt wanna talk to me out of work and at work only about work nothing else.

Most of that was unprovoked information. Like.. a quarter of it came from my “so were friends?” Remark. Another quarter of it came from my “coworkers can become friends” remark. And given half of it.... i brought up that he liked talking to me enough that he said he wanted to hang out with me - so you fan guess what quarter of the information came from that... oh sorry did i say quarters. I guess i meant thirds.

Extra shitty cause its a big jump from the boy who was engaging in actual conversation with me yesterday and moved so close to me that he was cms away from resting his head on me shoulder. Many times. Actually over the past couple days.