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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Casual

Ranboo x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None, unless talking about the future counts

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Following the arrival of the dreadful invitation to his cousin’s wedding Ranboo turns to the only cover-up he can think of to keep his still-single status hidden from his family.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! I’m so glad you sent your idea to me and I’m so glad you were my first official Ranboo request. I’m really sorry it’s taken me so long to write it but I still hope you’ll come across it and read it! Love, Vy ❤

“Heyyy, so Y/N, I have a favor to ask you...um yeah, call me back, it’s awkward sending it via voicemail. Bye“

Huh - that’s the first thought that goes through my head when I listen to the voicemail left after a missed call from my best friend Ranboo. The favors he usually asks for consist of requesting assistance for his videos in which I also appear with a mask and sunglasses to keep the brand running. I genuinely have nothing against my face being shown but when I think about it, I’m honestly a bit glad people can’t identify me.

Anyways, back to the favors, Ranboo is no stranger to asking me for them but they’ve never been considered too awkward for a voicemail which is why I’m no slightly concerned. I’ve been swamped with work for school and studies for the graduation finals for the past two weeks and it seems like I’ll never get on top of it and I know Ranboo’s been in a similar situation too, so maybe he needs help with that? He’s not used to asking help for school stuff, he sometimes even has a hard time accepting it when I openly offer it to him.

I eventually sigh, decide that playing this guessing game will not get me anywhere and settle on giving him a call as I make my way home from the gym with my legs barely putting up with the task of carrying me around.

He picks up on the second ring.

“Hey! Wh-...“

“Would you pretend to be my girlfriend for my cousin’s wedding next weekend?!“

My legs take that opportunity to stop moving in the middle of the sidewalk which is luckily void of any people at the moment. It’s not my fault my body’s first reaction was to freeze up at the question that came flying at me like an out-of-control jet, almost as though he’s been dying to say it and get it over with.

“Um...run that by me again please, I think I misunderstood.“ I say, blinking blankly as though awoken from a fever dream. No, actually as though I’m IN a fever dream right now.

“Ok, now that the cat’s out of the bag, wanna grab some coffee and talk about it face-to-face. I need to see your facial expressions to gauge what response to expect.“ He says, the previous nervousness gone and his voice calm as regularly once again.

I’m this close to face-palming but I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and bring myself to utter a reply, “Our usual spot. Be there in ten minutes.”

* * *

“No freaking way.“ I shake my head, folding my arms over my chest as I lean back in my seat in the booth we picked when we arrived. Good thing I got an iced coffee cause even a hot one would’ve gone cold by now considering I haven’t yet taken the time to have even a sip of it. I’ve been too busy listening to the long and short of the explanation and begging speech Ranboo probably made last night to try and convince me to agree to this nonsense. “Dude, we’ve been friends since middle school-...“

“Exactly! Who else was I gonna ask?“ He cuts me off, pleading gaze meeting my unimpressed one.

I huff before continuing my previous statement, “We’ve been friends since middle school so you know my opinion on weddings.” I put extra emphasis on the word ‘opinion’, giving him the clear hint at the distaste I’ve expressed on the topic multiple times before.

“And you know we’re on the same page there but there’s no way I can avoid going unless someone kidnaps me.“ He too now gets in the same stance as me, his coffee forgotten too.

I can’t help but snort out a little laugh, “I’d be more than happy to kidnap you considering the other option is far less appealing to me.“

He, of course, rolls his eyes at me as though he didn’t offer to do the same thing so I could avoid an exam but anyways. “So you’re gonna choose to fake a kidnapping that has the potential of landing you in jail over coming to eat some great food and maybe even have some fun at a wedding with your best friend? I’m hurt.“ He says, frowning to cover up the smile that’s fighting its way onto his face.

Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes, “I’d be kidnapping you, dummy...” I cut myself off to let out a long sigh and calm down before I go off at him. His smirk isn’t helping me much with the task either. I’ve known Ranboo long enough to know he’ll eventually convince me and he’s known me long enough to know how to do that exactly. With that in mind, there’s really no point in getting so worked up and wasting my energy. And so, despite my own rationality, I cave. “Fine, but I’m not staying the whole wedding.“

His eyes immediately light up and almost makes me feel the compromise was worth it. Almost. I mean, when you’ve been best friends with someone for so long, seeing them happy is worth more to you than your own comfort sometimes.

And he knows it too. Which is exactly why he outstretches his hand for me to shake and says: “Just one dance and you’re free to go. Deal?”

I take his hand without hesitations. That’s a better offer than I could’ve ever imagined. “Damn straight it’s a deal.“

* * *

“How long until you kick the heels off?“ Ranboo asks, bringing me a non-alcoholic cocktail and sitting down next to me.

I take a sip and giggle, “You kidding? I already kicked them off and replaced them with flats. I need mobility if we dance. They also lower the risk of me severing off a toe of yours if I step on you on accident.”

He laughs, clinking his glass against mine before he gets a bit more serious, “By the way, thanks for handling my family’s attack so well. I know it might’ve been a bit much but you handled it like a pro. Still, I’m sorry on their behalf.”

I shake my head and wave my hand dismissively, “Don’t mention it. I’d probably react the same way if my brother or cousin brought a date to an important family event like this.” I instinctively turn to look in the direction of where the majority of his family has gathered around, chatting with guests, smiling brightly. It’s hard not to immediately take a liking towards these people. They’ve been a second family to me ever since Ranboo and I started hanging out so I completely understand why they were so shocked to see me in the role of his ‘girlfriend’.

“I’ll tell my parents the truth later, our extended family is the ones I wanted to fool to be perfectly honest.“ He looks around as do I and we catch more than a few pairs of eyes fixated on us that turn away when they realize they’ve been spotted, “Mission accomplished by the looks of it.“

I chuckle. I’ve never felt so comfortable at a wedding before. I don’t feel stressed nor anxious despite knowing that there’s quite the number of eyes on me and there are whispers going around about my ‘relationship’ with Ranboo. It’s oddly calming and relaxing to be surrounded by some familiar and some unfamiliar faces. This cocktail is pretty great too.

Speaking of which, if it had any alcohol in it I’d blame it for the decision I’m about to make but this one’s entirely on me: I tap Ranboo with one hand while taking out my phone with the other. “If we’re already the talk of the wedding, let’s give them something to talk about.“ I say as I put up my phone, pretending to be taking a selfie leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek.

When I pull away I can clearly see that he’s still processing what just happened. I can’t help but burst out in a fit of laughter as I reach out to wipe the lipstick stain I left on his cheek. He looks like a lost, clueless puppy with the question: ‘what on Earth just happened???’ replaying in his head and it’s so freaking cute!

Wait....what was that? Since when do I use the adjective cute to describe Ranboo? Didn’t I think he looks handsome in a suit earlier too? The hell is with me today?

Then it hits me - the feeling isn’t foreign. Like, I know I’ve felt it before but I never analyzed it or even bothered to acknowledge it. But now that I do, I’m afraid of what it might be.

“There!“ I say, desperately trying to push the thoughts away along with this little firework show in my stomach, “Now you have pinker cheeks. Well, cheek, singular.“

As if snapping out of his state of confusion, he returns to Earth with a smirk, “Kiss the other to even it?”

Alright, his blush might not be even but mine now is and it’s ten times as intense and very much apparent but I don’t let the feeling shine through anything else as I proceed to actually kiss his other cheek too, wiping the lipstick stain.

“Thanks. You’re the best.” And just like that, as though it’s no big deal, he kisses my forehead.

See, that’s the thing, it shouldn’t be a big deal! It’s never been! This is far from the first time I’ve kissed him on the cheek or the first time he’s given me a forehead kiss. These are regular occurrences after years of this lovely friendship we have. Why do they feel so different now?

Then, much to my relief, the music starts and the lights turn off leaving only one spotlight for the groom and bride to have their first dance. They look absolutely astonishing and I can certainly say I’ve never before stopped to think that about any newly weds of the weddings I’ve preciously been to. I don’t know if it has something to do with the company I have for this particular wedding or it’s maybe the fact that my mindset’s changed over the years without me realizing.

Then I automatically look at Ranboo who just so happens to be looking at me too and all I can say is: my mindset hasn’t changed.

A loud applause takes over when the couple finish their dance, officially opening the dancefloor for any other pairs who’d like to occupy it and I’m happy to see how many people are eager to rush up with their partner.

Ranboo gets up, putting the glass down and offers me his hand, “So, wanna dance? Don’t take this as a sign to leave though, we said one dance and you CAN leave, not SHOULD.” He says, giving me a warning look.

I roll my eyes and am about to give him some sass right back but he takes my hand and picks me up from my seat, leading me to the dancefloor. And I gotta admit maybe it’s a good thing he did. If he left it to me I would’ve probably said no to the dance and ran the hell away. Why? - Cause I’m freaking terrified of this new mindset and point of view and these intense emotions I never used to pay any mind to before in regards to my best friend.

Friends don’t feel that way about friends. Friends don’t look at friends that way. What’s happening to me?

When I gotta look him in the eyes like this, not for the first time might I add, I can finally understand how the friends-to-lovers trope works: it’s all meaningless until it starts to mean so much to you. It’s all platonic until it reminds you of a romantic movie moment. It ‘best friends’ until it’s ‘I wish we were more than that’. It’s all casual, until it’s not.

And, unfortunately, it’s irreversible.

Damn do I wish I ran away now...

#ranboo #ranboo fanfiction #ranboo x you #ranboo fanfic #ranboo fluff #dream smp #ranboo imagine #ranboo x y/n #ranboo x reader #fic #fanfic #fanficiton #fandom #fluff #friends to lovers #x reader #request #requests open #reader

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baddadjokez · 5 years

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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.The shovel was a ground breaking invention.A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.To write with a broken pencil is pointless.I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.What should you do if you are cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.Sausage puns are the wurst.What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.What kind of car does a sheep drive? Their SuBAHHru.What do you call a french pig? Porque.What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.How do trees access the internet? They log on.Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it.The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.Things got a little tense.I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable.Yesterday a clown held the door for me. It was a nice jester.I used to go fishing with Skrillex but he kept dropping the bass.The wedding was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.What does a house wear? A dress.Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? Since they are 2 tired.I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning.It would be truly alarming.Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help? Lemonaid.A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.At my boxing club there is only one punch bag. I hate waiting for the punch line!An untalented gymast walks into a bar.Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.I was accused of being a plagiarist, their word not mine.My friends say they don’t like skeleton puns. I should put more backbone into them.Let me FILL you in on my trip to the dentist.Why does the singer of Cheap Thrills not want us to Sia?Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner,there were strings attached.Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.My new diet consists of aircraft, its a bit plane.Have you ever tried to milk a cow which has been cut in half? Udder madness.Why are there fences on graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.Models of dragons are not to scale.Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.Don’t trust people that do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me so I asked him to leave me a loan.I ordered a book of puns last week, but i didn't get it.People say i look better without glasses but i just can't see it.Don’t judge a meal by the look of the first course. It’s very souperficial.I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.What do you call a young musician? A minor.Police were called to a daycare yesterday, where a 2-year-old was resisting a rest.If artists wear sketchers do linguists wear converse?I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.I flipped a coin over an issue the other day, it was quite the toss-up.I got hit in the head with a can of soda? Luckily it was a soft drink.I heard that the post office was a male dominated industry.Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.What do you mean June is over? Julying.Why is Kylo Ren so angry? Beause he’s always Ben Solo.These reversing cameras are great. Since I got one I haven’t looked back.The candle quit his job because he felt burned out.Our maintenance guy lost his legs on the job, now he’s just a handyman.Going to bed with music on gave him sound sleep.A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!I met some aliens from outer space. They were pretty down to earth.The plane flight brought my acrophobia to new heights.My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.I, for one, like Roman numerals.How do mountains see? They peak.The show was called Spongebob Squarepants but everyone knows the star was Patrick.This is not alcohol, water you thinking?!Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.The earth's rotation really makes my day.If I buy a bigger bed will I have more or less bedroom?Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.Two ropes were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-frayed.What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.I got a master’s degree in being ignored; no one seems to care.After eating the ship, the sea monster said, I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.I had a pun about insanity but then I lost it.He couldn’t work out how to fix the washing machine so he threw in the towel.Why does the man want to buy nine rackets? Cause tennis too many.Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.If I got paid in lots of Pennes I would make loads of pasta.I thought I saw a spider on my laptop, but my friend said it was just a bug.A doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.Luckily he still made the cast.The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.Simba, you're falling behind. I must ask you to Mufasa.I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle.The bomb didn't want to go off. So it refused.The sore mummy needed a Cairo-practorI feel sorry for shopping carts. They’re always getting pushed around.The display of still-life art was not at all moving!On Halloween October is nearly Octover.Pig puns are so boaring.Why couldn’t the dead car drive into the cluttered garage? Lack of vroom.What do you call Samsung's security guards? Guardians of the Galaxy.What does Superman have in his drink? Just ice.How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.The safe was invented by a cop and a robber. It was quite a combination.What do you do when balloons are hurt? You helium.One hat says to the other, "You stay here, I’ll go on a head."How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.When the scientist wanted to clone a deer, he bought a doe it yourself kit.If people ask how many puns I made in Germany I reply, "nein"Did you hear about the invention of the white board? It was remarkable.If Donald Trump becomes president, America is going toupee.Can February March? No, but April May.I hate Russian Dolls, they are so full of themselves.What do you do to an open wardrobe? You closet.The magazine about ceiling fans went out of business due to low circulation.So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.A backwards poem writes inverse.Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.The soundtrack for Blackfish was orcastrated.Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.I used to work at a hairdresser but i just wasn’t cut out for it.Why is metal and a microwave a match made in heaven? When they met, sparks flew.The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!When the church relocated it had an organ transplant.Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.The scarecrow get promoted because he was outstanding in his field.Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.I never understood odorless chemicals, they never make scents.What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.Why was dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.Old skiers never die. They just go down hill.Did you hear about the pun that was actually funny? Neither have we.You know why I like egg puns? They crack me up!Want to hear a pun about ghosts? That's the spirit!I used to make clown shoes… which was no small feat.Did you hear about the human cannonball? Too bad he got fired!What happened when the magician got mad? She pulled her hare out!Did you hear about the circus that caught on fire? It was in tents.The one day of the week that eggs are definitely afraid of is Fry-day.A hen will always leave her house through the proper eggs-it.The man who ate too many eggs was considered to be an egg-oholic.All the hens consider the chef to be very mean because he beats the eggs.Eskimos keep all of their chilled eggs inside of the egg-loo.Under the doctor’s advice, the hen is laying off eggs for a few weeks.I had a real problem making a hard-boiled egg this morning until I cracked it.The best time of day to eat eggs is at the crack of dawn.The chicken coop only had 2 doors since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.Crossing a cement mixer and a chicken will result in you getting a brick layer.That reckless little egg always seems to egg-celerate when he sees the light turn yellow.Hopefully this egg pun doesn't make your brain too fried or scrambled.Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together. It's hard for them to stay in sink.People using umbrellas always seem to be under the weather.I dissected an iris today. It was an eye-opening experience.What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.What planet is like a circus? Saturn, it has three rings!Before my father died he worked in a circus as a stilt walker. I used to look up to him.Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal!I really look up to my tall friends.I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them.Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.It takes guts to make a sausage.Why shouldn’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll “Let It Go”!What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in itWhat do you get when a witch goes to the beach? A sand-witch!Where do cows go on Friday nights? To the mooooo-vies!What did the mommy tomato say to the baby tomato? C’mon, ketchup!Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because he wasn’t “peeling” well!What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots?Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with!What is a pirate’s favorite letter? Arrrrrr!What does a piece of toast wear to bed? His pa-JAM-as!What does one eye say to the other eye? Something between us smellsWhy did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!What happens when an egg laughs? It cracks up!What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!Why didn’t the teddy bear want dessert? Because he was stuffed!Why can’t you tell a joke while ice skating? Because the ice might crack up!What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!What’s mommy and daddy’s favorite ride at the carnival? A married-go-round!How did Cookie Monster feel after eating all the cookies? Pretty crummy!What do you call a skunk who flies in a helicopter? A smelly-copter!What do you get when you shake a cow? A milkshake!How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut!Why did the bee get married? Because she found her honey!What did the ocean say to their airplane? Nothing, it just waved!Where do eskimo pigs live? In pig-loos.What’s a dinosaur called when it’s sleeping? A dino-snore!What did the cookie say to the annoying cookie? Crumb on!Why did Mickey Mouse go up in space? To find Pluto!What does Olaf eat for lunch? Icebergers!What letter is always wet? The C!How do you throw a space party? You planet.How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.Nope. Unintended.The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything."Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.The broom swept the nation away.I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back for seconds.What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in france? There was nothing but des brie.Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.To write with a broken pencil is pointless.I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.What should you do if you’re cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.Sausage puns are the wurst.What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.How did Darth Vader know what luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presence.Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.What’s the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue? You can’t tune a bench but you can tuna fish. I bet you got stuck on the bucket of glue part.What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.Why did the man dig a hole in his neighbor’s backyard and fill it with water? Because he meant well.What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.What kind of car does a sheep drive? A lamborghini, but if that breaks down they drive their SuBAHHru.

#dad jokes #puns #jokes

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youeggbastard · 4 years

Text

Oc Questionnaire (Again)

Now it’s Jens turn.

Once Again thank you so much @jessaryss for this awesome template you’re the bees knees! ❤❤❤

Iphigenia

BASICS

Name: Iphigenia ( Iph·i·ge·nia )but better known as just Jen very few people are allowed to know her full name

Race: Imperial

Age: 25

Pronouns: She/Her

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Black

Skin: Pale... she needs to tan more

Height: 5′6

Weight: 143

General Physique: A little more on the curvy side

Tattoos, WarPaints & Scars? None yet but I’m still working on character design

ABOUT

Dragonborn: YES / NO

Werewolf/Bear or Vampire? None

Occupation: Best described as a spell sword for hire, but really she’s just a wandering necromancer for hire.

Guild Association(s): Used to be a Vigilant of Stendarr, it didn’t end well though.

Favoured Weapon Class / Type: Duel Wielding One handed, primarily only bound swords.

Favoured School of Magic / Type: It’s a tie between Destruction and Conjuration.

Heavy Armor? Light Armor? Robes? Robes

Place of Birth: Cyrodiil

Place Where They Were Raised: Same place up until she was 12 years old, then she came to Skyrim.

Current Location: Skyrim

Education / Place of Study: No formal education really, her father and his “friends” cult taught her conjuration, or more specifically necromancy, and then when she joined the Vigilants she learned a great deal of restoration magic as well as some destruction. The rest she’s taught herself, so no doubt her magic style would make classically trained mages cringe.

Any Teachers / Inspirations? Pretty much all her teachers and inspirations have let her down in one way or another.

PERSONAL

Patron Deity (if any): Used to be Stendarr until he abandoned her, now she doesn’t associate herself with gods.

Political Alliance (if any): Despite being Imperial Jen doesn’t have any loyalty to the Empire and she does sympathize with the Stormcloaks cause, but it’s kind of hard to fully sympathize with them when they hate her. So, her political alliance is closer to the common people, the ones who are actually suffering from the war.

Strongest Skills: She’s deadly with destruction magic, mainly lighting and she has always had a knack for Necromancy though that’s more of a curse than a blessing.

Strengths: Clever, strategist, She can be downright ruthless in battle, fearless, stubborn, will continue fighting until the end.

Weaknesses: Her fearlessness often leads to recklessness, doesn’t really have survival skills, more often than not her emotions control her rather than vice versa.

Spouses? Flings? Lovers? Jen is pretty sex positive, she’s had a couple of flings here and there but only with people she actually trusts, so friends with benefit situations mostly, she’s not one to have a one night stand or hatefuck, but she’s always kept them at arms lengths and the minute feelings start she scatters. In her entire life she’s only be in love twice, once with her partner in the Vigilants who ended up betraying her and she ended up killing him, and then with Kaidan who she eventually marries.

Thaneship (and of where?) Whiterun, Riften, and somehow Morthal though she’s not entirely sure how she became Thane of any of those holds.

Most Difficult Quest They’ve Been On? Pretty much any of the quests from the Vigilant Mod, the one where she had to fight Lamae fucked her up emotionally.

Jail Time? No she’s too streetwise.

Largest Bounty Held? The vigilants have a pretty large bounty on her head, but I don’t think that counts.

How Much Gold Are They Typically Carrying? Anywhere from 2 to 20000 Septims

How Do They Get Gold? Primarily through necromancy jobs, a lot of people will hire her for help getting rids of spirits, ghosts, etc... But Jen isn’t good at charging or saying no to people in need, so most of her income comes from overcharging rich people and jarls.

Are Werebeings and Vampires Vile Creatures or Simply Misunderstood? If you asked her this a couple of years ago she would have said, yes they are vile and need to be eradicated. Now that she’s no longer a vigilant and not under the influence of them she has a different opinion. Now she realizes the line between man and monster is a lot more blurred, now she sees herself more as the monster after all she’s done in the name of Justice.

Do They Actively Hunt Dragons? Not really, they hunt her more often than not.

Goals In Life? Help as many people as she can and hopefully do some good for once.

Deepest Regret? Killing innocent people under the guise of Stendarr’s mercy, and not being able to save Altano before it was too late.

Greatest Hope? She would never say this but she desperately wants a family. She craves the unconditional love that she has searched for all her life and was instead betrayed and her love used against her.

Most Embarrassing Moment: She has screamed more than once encountering spiders.

Flaws: Stubborn, hot headed, unforgiving, judgmental, isn’t very good at controlling her emotions which isn’t exactly good thing for a mage or a dragonborn, proud.

Fears: Spiders and all other kinds of creepy crawlers especially things with more than two legs, betrayal, the dead (especially the ones that haunt her nightmares).

What Makes Them Happy? Flowers, the stars, the quiet nights, helping others, her friends, baths.

Hobbies: She’s actually an avid horseback rider, if her life had been normal she probably would have owned a stables, collecting flowers and creating new spells as well.

Favorite Locations: She loves Riverwood and the area surrounding it, it helps that the people of Riverwood actually like her.

Favorite Holds: Falkreath

Eating Habits? She’s not very picky.

Can They Cook? She can, though she doesn’t have much time to make gourmet meals, so she really just cooks enough to get by.

Favorite Food: She loves tomato soup, it reminds her of her childhood, before her parents went crazy.

Favorite Drink: Wine

First Thing They Do At A Tavern? Take a bath

Sleeping Habits? Very sporadic, sometimes she won’t get sleep for days, other times she will sleep 12 hours at a time. God help anyone that tries to wake her up, she’s a graceful riser.

Cities or the wilds? Both, she likes people watching and being near civilization, but she also loves the outdoors, being under the night sky, fields of flowers etc.

Pet Peeves? Being talked over, being bossed around (specifically by men)rich people just fucking existing.

Describe Their Bedroom or Home There would also be fresh flowers in a vase, as well as lavender hanging from the roof. It would be very clean, unless she’s working of magic study of a new spell than it’s a complete mess.

How Would A Stranger Describe This Person? She’s got a bad case of Resting Bitch face, comes across as very cold and distant, just an unfeeling bitch.

Someone Close To Them? The opposite of that. She cares so much for her friends and will go to the ends of the Earth for them, it’s that quality that has gotten her in a lot of trouble. She helps whoever she can and has the worst case of bleeding heart syndrome. .

How Do They Deal With Anger? Jen is a hot head, and when she does get angry she can be cruel and unrelenting. But luckily her anger fizzles out pretty quickly especially if she knows she wrong, so she will apologize and make things right if it’s someone she loves. But if you’re in the wrong, it’s gonna be hard to get her forgiveness back.

How Do They Deal With Failure? She can take it hard, she’ll probably get moody and lash out, but deep down knows she’s really just angry with herself, eventually she cols off and learns from her mistakes and swears to not make them again.

How Do They Deal With Loss of a friend or someone close? Jen’s friends are everything to her so losing them would wreck her, she wouldn’t be able to sleep or eat, or probably even let them go that easily, she would storm the gods if it meant saving someone she loved

Go Into The Bandit Filled Cave To Retrieve The Lost Amulet For Some Simpleton, or Tell Them Nah Bye? Depends is it someone desperate and downtrodden who couldn’t do it themselves? Yes. Someone entirely capable of doing it themselves? probably not then, but all you really need to do is make up a sob story to appeal to her bleeding heart.

Opinions on Daedra? She isn’t a vigilant anymore but she still knows Daedra are always a bad idea and would probably never side with them or trust them. Molag Bal though, she would storm Coldharbour just to kill him, she would find a way to kill daedra just to kill him.

Companions / Followers

First Follower: Gorr (3DNPC)

Have They Stuck Around? Not really, they had a bit of a fling and Jen scattered.

Something The Look For In A Follower (or do they hire anyone without question?) Someone who she trusts and won’t get annoyed by her gentle mothering as well as her need to save everyone and everything. But really trust is a huge thing, she would die for her friends so she needs someone who won’t betray that trust.

Followers Over The Years (or whatever amount of time): In This order

Gorr (3DNPC) (2 Months)

Mercutio (1 Month)

Mjoll the Lioness (5 Months)

Kaidan (Still Present)

Auri (Still Present)

Serana (Still Present)

Lucien (Still Present)

Funny enough the first three were people she’s had flings with who she ended up leaving once feelings got in the way. I mean Kai is also part of that group, but she actually stayed for him, obviously.

Fourth Wall

Any Must Have Mods To Play This Character? Vigilant, Apocalypse, and then all the followers mods mentioned above.

Random Screenshot / Drawing: See Way Above

Level? 34 as of right now

Serious RP or Thomas The Tank Engine Dragons, Fart Shouts, and Kawaii Cat Girl Mods? Serious so far, but I’ve only had one gameplay of her and I’m still working on it there might be some tank engine dragons in her future who knows.

#Idk if anyone would notice from the drawing but I've changed her appearance a bit #Just a bit nothing drastic #I thought about giving her tattoos but like then that means I have to draw them #and I'm lazy so....#egg tries to draw #my art #my oc #oc: iphigenia #skyrim oc

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gaiatheorist · 4 years

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A little knowledge...

I keep starting this, and then deleting it, that’s either an indication that I’m trying to process as fully as i can, or that I’m being avoidant, and slipping into another depressive episode, I’ll keep an eye on it.

I have an untidy heap of paperwork at the side of my desk, it’s not ‘on’ the desk yet, because I’m not quite ready to fill it in. There’s no deadline on it, so it’s ‘floating’, rather than ‘fixed’, and the formatting of it is doing my head in. It’s the end-of-course review and coping plan for the Trauma Stabilisation Group I finished last week. I told my son a few days ago that the ‘mentals’ write their own coping plans, and he was incredulous, I’m relatively good at planning, and taking all factors into consideration, but the new medication, and the appeal against the denial of my disability benefit, and, well, 2020 are taking a toll on me, I’m slipping.

‘Introduction to Trauma Stabilisation Class’, three 90-minute sessions, delivered via Microsoft ‘Teams’, on account of the Covid-19 pandemic, we’re too unwell to be left to our own devices, so the online group was the least-bad option. It’s free, I know a fair few people who have had to pay for their own therapy, because they can’t access NHS treatment, and I know I’m part of a very small, but fortunate number, to still be on NHS lists. Groups of people with mental health issues are always a bit of a gamble, there’s the waiting-room-contagion factor, where some people will exchange symptoms and ‘unhelpful coping mechanisms’, and the weird mix of characters that are inevitable. This was either my third or fourth ‘Introduction to...’ group, and the online format was differently stressful to the in-the-flesh ones. I know ‘most’ of my group-dynamic bad habits, and there’s always a little bit of my cognitive functioning occupied with telling myself *don’t* do this, or that. In a nutshell, I’m a watchful show-off, the ‘feeling small and vulnerable’ part of my C-PTSD would, historically, lead me to muck about, or attempt to dominate groups, throw in my autistic ‘organising’, my professional desire to help, and the fatigue and over-stimulus from the brain injuries, and I *could* be a nightmare in groups.

I was honest with the triage staff right from the beginning, it’ll be in my notes that I acknowledge my tendencies to ‘take charge’, as a means of coping with so much in my life that’s been beyond my control, it’s not all deliberate, and it’s sometimes really useful. I’m a sheep-dog, which is productive when I’m rounding up stragglers, and pointing them in the right direction, less-so when I’m distracted by a squirrel outside the window.

Being what I am, and knowing what I know from my previous career is a double-edged sword. I know the fancy words for the theories and processes, so can be mildly irritated when the language has to be dumbed-down to the lowest common denominator. It does have to be, though, on the previous course, we had a couple of participants who couldn’t read the text on the worksheets (formatting issue, too much text crammed onto each page, to save on photocopying costs, they strained my eyes a bit) I can’t do my (TM) Autistic thing of assuming that, if I ‘know’ a thing, everyone else in the room does too. I can do my helpful thing of re-explaining something the facilitator has said if the group don’t seem to ‘get’ it, or clarifying something a participant has said if the facilitators misconstrue it. (One of the staff on the previous course was an absolute horror for that, she wasn’t listening actively, just barrelling on with what she thought had been said, people stop volunteering information when that happens.) I’m not there to ‘help’, or to ‘lead’, though. One of the participants in this last group threw a bit of a tantrum, she’d dominated most of the speaking in the previous session, and flipped when I was given air-time to explain something. That was hard to deal with, because I automatically switched to Mentor-mode, and very nearly lost track of the content trying to think of a way to alert one of the facilitators to check in on her, and try to bring her down from her agitated state before she hurt herself.

I’m dabbling with the slightly paranoid theory that some participants, or even facilitators might think I’m a Mystery Shopper sort of thing. My ‘old’ practices and processes made a lot of people ask “How do you DO that?”, the ‘Matilda’-thing, I just do, I’m exceptional at a lot of very difficult things sometimes, but I can’t use oven-gloves, and, especially recently, I’ve been forgetting a lot of words. Other participants might think I’m a smart-arse, I am, it doesn’t matter, I imagine I frustrate the facilitators because I can give theoretically correct answers, but can’t consistently apply the theories in my own life. I’m not there to make friends, we all have to sign contracts of expectations saying we won’t form relationships, I understand that, an elective empathy with other high-end mental health cases is never going to be a good thing. My curious combination of conditions makes me a bit of a distance-er anyway, I stick as firmly as I can to the procedural pathways, it’s a process-with-purpose, not a popularity contest.

I’m struggling with the ‘be kind to yourself’ angle again. It’s not in my nature, I don’t know how. That bumps heads with the ‘normalising nice things’, even at this level of mental health intervention, we’re encouraged to ‘savour the taste of your favourite food’- food is just fuel, I don’t have a favourite, and, when people start banging on about chocolate, or cake, or whatever, I don’t get it. Visit a favourite place, phone/meet up with a friend, listen to uplifting music, go for a walk, buy yourself flowers, have a haircut, all of the ‘normal’ nice-things leave me cold, I don’t really have hobbies or interests, very few things spark my oxytocin or dopamine responses, I’m not a joyful type, that’s my baseline-normal, not a press-the-panic-button indicator that I’m depressed.

“You’re just not trying!” Luckily, nobody ‘medical’ has trotted that one out, but it’s been the backing track to my life pretty much forever. I am trying, I’m trying very hard, especially since the brain injuries. There’s been a slow realisation that I have to pick my battles wisely, though. I’ve long maintained that anyone who’s ‘always’ happy must have a flap in their back where the batteries go, I’m not advocating living in a constant state of ‘Eeyore’ gloom, but constant joy must be bloody exhausting. I’m not always moody or maudlin, I’m just sort of ‘flat’, not particularly animated or enthusiastic about much, but I can engage for short periods when I need to. “Smile, love, it might never happen!” can get right in the bin, and, as the internet pointed out the other day, telling someone to ‘just think positive’ as a cure-all is ridiculous. Well-meaning, but oblivious people will chip in with their intrusive-insensitive opinions of how a bit of yoga, or more vegetables are all we need to be all-better, and it’s a challenge to not point out that some of us are a bit beyond ‘just snapping out of it’.

That’s not defeatist. I’m autistic, my brain runs on a non-standard Operating System, the updates don’t always load, and I have to make a hell of a lot of work-around adaptations. Sometimes life’s like walking everywhere with my shoes on the wrong feet, and sometimes it’s like my appliances have come with the wrong plug, and I have to stick a spoon-handle in the Earth socket to make them work. On top of the autism, I had a succession of adverse experiences through the course of my life, which have left me with C-PTSD. I have a telephone-directory of medical conditions, and the icing on the cake was the brain haemorrhage five years ago, I have brain injuries, bits of metal plugging up aneurysms, and one area of ‘risky’ defects on my brain-stem. Those are facts, I have a file of medical paperwork about two inches thick, but the UK disability benefit departments have decided to latch onto the fact that I’m not on any medication for mental health issues. (I’ve tried lots, none of them worked long-term, and now we know we’re dealing with a neurodevelopmental disorder, and physical brain damage, I don’t think a bit of Prozac is going to help.)

Knowing that my brain is physically and chemically different to ‘most’ people’s is not a get-out-of-jail-free-card. These are reasons, not excuses, and I’m doing what I can to work within and around my limitations. I’m not unique, or a special unicorn, I’m disabled, and damaged, and trying to work with the fragmented NHS. One of the issues with the trauma course was the assumptions. I absolutely don’t blame the facilitators, they’re working with pre-prepared material, and a ‘difficult’ cohort. I did gently correct the course-leader, when she started listing ‘normal’ coping mechanisms, the walk-in-the-park, cup-of-tea-with-friends type ones. Some of those ‘simple’ activities are incredibly difficult for some of us, that’s why we’re at this level of intervention, if we could have ‘just’ joined a knitting circle, or taken up photography, we’d already have done it. I explained the need for pacing, the other two participants had limited impulse control, so giving the ‘shopping list’ of strategies was a bit risky, I know I have a tendency to over-reach, so need to be careful with myself. None of us had mentioned nightmares or flashbacks, but they’re on the standard list of indicators for PTSD. There was an assumption that we all had them, in the same way as one of the other triage practitioners, ages ago, told me “It’s not PTSD, because you don’t have nightmares.” I have auditory and olfactory flashbacks and hallucinations.

The doctors that didn’t make further investigations for the mutated migraines before the aneurysm ruptured. The gyneacologist that told my HUSBAND “There’s nothing physically wrong with her.”, the Occupational Health doctor who told me “It’s not vertigo, because that’s spinning.” and “It wasn’t a stroke, because you don’t have one-sided weakness.” I know they have to have lists of diagnostic criteria to start from, but Little-Miss-Autistic here spent far too long just-trying-to-cope because I didn’t fit neatly into their matrices. (Don’t get me started on DWP/PIP ignoring reams of evidence, and just picking out that I turned up to the assessment with my trousers on the right way around...)

I know too much about some things, and not enough about others. My ‘flat’ presentation gives the impression that I’m calm when I’m not, and coping more than I am. The review for the trauma class isn’t until September, and I genuinely don’t know what the next step will be. I’m already on the waiting list for the ‘Compassion’ course, and the very long waiting list for the Specialist Neurodevelopmental Service in the city, to see if there’s anything ‘else’ I haven’t already tried to work within and around the autism. I’ve slipped through a million holes in a million nets, because I know enough to give the answers I ‘should’, the biggest irony is that when I answer “I don’t know.”, the assumption is that I’m being defensive or difficult. A little knowledge is indeed a dangerous thing.

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teddy-king-blog · 5 years

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hey everyone! rosie who plays milena here back with my 2nd child!! you’ll honestly have to forgive me bc i’ve played theo before and his intro is always mega because i get musey af. i hope u can stand to read to the end, lol. boi needs a big hug if ur down :((. he’s just come to crownsville anyway, like legit just turned up so, everything will be p much from scratch i imagine??? idk. feel free to like this if u fancy plotting!

[ michael b jordan, thirty two, male, he/him ] ━ hey, I just saw [ theo king ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ less than a month ], and you can catch them around town working as a [ barista ]. I hear they’re known to be [ resilient & charismatic ] and [ doubtful & untrusting ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ muddy football boots, strong aftershave, gym gear, early morning runs ]. ━ [ ooc: rosie, 22, gmt, she/her ]

TW: MENTION OF DOMESTIC ABUSE, EMOTIONAL ABUSE, DRUGS & LONG TERM INJURY.

- Theodore ‘teddy’ King was born in Hunts Point, the Bronx to mother, Kelani and father, Jackson who split up when he was only a few years old. Like many kids growing up in Hunts Point, he saw way too much and often got closer than his parents would like to think to the realities of getting by, by whatever means. But his mother did a good job at keeping him on the straight and narrow, by keeping him in line and making sure he went to school and straight from school, to extra curriculars. When he wasn’t in school, Theo went to church with his mother and sang in the church choir, something he didn’t particularly enjoy but he knew better than to say no to his mother. Theo’s dad, a man some would say was quite the opposite to his church going ex-wife, was involved in the darker side of the neighbourhood and was a well known drug dealer within the area. Theo didn’t know this until he was older, of course, when he started to get to know his dad a little more and began to doubt whether the path his mother had taken him on was the better one.

- His mother would say that Theo managed to stay on her path until he was about 15, when the thrill and egotistical feeling of trying to run the streets just appealed to him too much. He saw friends die, he was part of a gang and well, Theo ended up doing what you’ve got to do to stay strong as a gang, things that his mother never knew about, until his parents evening came up at school that year. His mother asked to see his extra curricular teachers (she was extra af – but knew that it was too easy to get dragged up in shit where they lived and so she had to be) and see how he was doing, but only then did she find out that they didn’t know, because he hadn’t been going. She was LIVID. His mother banned him from leaving the house without her, she escorted him everywhere and things got even worse when she found out that her ex-husband had KNOWN about it. He’d just chosen not to tell her and hadn’t spoken to his son for months.

- This could’ve gone one of two ways, Theo could’ve lost his shit and become completely defiant or, he could’ve sorted out his shit and cut his ties with the streets and his gang where he could. One afternoon after class, his favourite teacher at school had asked him to stay behind. Theo worried that he’d done something wrong, or they’d found out some of the things that he had done (the teachers weren’t naïve to know that even the kids who turned up to school were still out doing dodgy shit when they weren’t in class) but he was wrong. His teacher just sat with him, talking to him about his life and where he’d been, something Theo began to relate to the more he told him. He’d been in a gang, before a youth worker in the area got through to him and convinced him to take a different path – not a boring one, but a better one. Did he want to waste his life on the type of pride that comes from having power as a result of fear?

- And so that was that. Conveniently enough, Theo’s mother ended up marrying this teacher (which they laugh about now), but Theo always said he’d be forever grateful for the two of them for steering him back to the path he was meant to tread. Theo was aiming big, from then on. He already knew he wanted to play football professionally, it was something he adored and could see himself doing forever, but he’d slacked off a little. He needed to get back to where he was and so, he had to study overtime. When his friends wanted him out, doing what they used to do, Theo had to say no, which was hard in itself when he knew what they were capable of. Luckily, there were only a few months left till the end of senior year and Theo knew that if he could get through them, he’d be out of the Bronx for at least 4 years – enough time for them to forget he ever left.

- And there it was. Laying on the doormat. A letter from Notre Dame, a scholarship to play football for them for a whole 4 years. So off he went. After a tearful goodbye from his mother and new step-dad, a non-existent goodbye to his father, Theo landed in Notre Dame and well, a new adventure began. He formed friendships, he drank, he danced, he did everything you’re supposed to do at college, like meeting a girl and falling in love during the last and arguably most important year of your college education.

- His best friend and room-mate, saw it all happen. He saw (and instigated) the two meeting and watched everything progress from then on. He was relegated from their room, went on double dates and well, pretty much fell in love alongside Theo. But what his best friend didn’t see, because Theo was so good at hiding it, was when things went wrong. He didn’t notice the girl becoming possessive, controlling, emotionally manipulative and then, physically violent. He didn’t notice that Theo had began to lie about where he was, what he was doing. He didn’t notice the bruises when Theo got changed before and after practice and if he did, Theo already had his lie made up – he’d gotten into a fight on a night out. His best friend didn’t see any of that, yet perhaps that would’ve saved Theo from the worst years of his life.

- Straight out of college, Theo moved in with this girl. He didn’t go back to the Bronx, he went to her hometown in Texas and there he was, alone. He’d isolated all of his friends, like his best friend from college and team mates from the football team and eventually, much to the girl’s satisfaction, he’d cut off his mother (this one took a while). He was completely and utterly alone with her, and his feelings. He took assault after assault after assault, emotional attack after emotional attack and became a shell of himself. Anxious, on edge… Theo wasn’t the charismatic guy he used to be. He was completely under control, accused of everything despite doing nothing and utterly depressed, unable to bring himself to do anything about his situation because he felt so worthless.

- This carried on for 2 years after Theo left college, until one day, his mother couldn’t take it any longer. She found his address and she turned up to their house and thankfully, the girl wasn’t home. But Theo was, and he was in one of the worst states he’d ever been in. He wouldn’t even answer the door at first, so his mother (being who she was) allowed herself in through the back door and well, she couldn’t believe what she had seen. Theo would tell you now, that he was shocked that a murder didn’t take place that night, but back then, he didn’t even know his mother had arrived. Theo’s mother hauled her son into her car with barely any of his belongings and drove as fast as she could back to their home, feeling furious, devastated and completely heartbroken.

- The next few months were a blur for Theo. He’d still tell you to this day that until he managed to see a tiny speck of light in his dark tunnel, everything that happened before is in pieces in his head. Of course, the girl still tried to contact him, as well as trying to turn up at his house, yet Theo’s dad came to the rescue with that when necessary. Not that Theo remembered that. Of course, his mother began to pursue a court case and after a rough year, mostly managed to get the result that they’d hoped for. Aggravated assault in the second degree, 10 years in prison. Sure, they’d hoped for more but with Theo’s being unable to recall a lot of the events that occurred due to a permanent brain injury that the girl had left him with, that was the best that they could get.

- Now, Theo lives in Crownsville and managed to get a job at a coffee shop called Cuppa Joe. His memory is not what it used to be after his brain injury and he often suffers with headaches and dizziness. Not to mention, his levels of frustration with himself and with others. He is never violent, as he knows the long lasting effects that violence can have, but people who are unaware of his past can often take his frustration the wrong way. His mother would say that you can see the old Theo in him occasionally, but she fears that the fully old Theo has been lost forever. He can still think for himself, he can still do the things an average person can, but he’s not the same as he used to be and as for football, the risk to his head is just too great. Nobody in Crownsville knows about Theo’s past and that’s the way Theo intends to keep it. He feels a lot of shame in relation to what happened to him and fears that men in particular, especially his old football team, would see him as weak and frail if they knew. He fears that women will see him as pathetic, especially people he is romantically involved with given the long term effects he has suffered in terms of his fertility.

- Basically, Theo has been on a hell of a ride. A ride he did not expect nor know how to get off. His life started off pretty alright and then went a little pear shaped and sadly now, he is paying the price of someone else’s actions, no matter how much jail time she has got. Not to mention the fact that he keeps receiving letters and phone calls from Texas County Jail. Theo knows that one day, he will be able to move on from what happened to him but he also knows that it won’t be a quick fix.

#crownsvilleintro

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choccocatmylo · 3 years

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Dull Colors pt.1:Welcome Home

Eleven years. That's what the judge deemed sufficient for a violent child's outburst of self defense. Even with a capable legal team and vast evidence in her favor, a simple no forfeited her life to a confined cell in a county jail, and later on a maximum security prison. Chocco was 15 when she was arrested, charged and sentenced. Twenty six when she was finally released from the hell of prison.

Matthew, her legal guardian, had written her only two letters. The first, lamenting her foolish refusal of his proposal, one of both convenience on her end, and a selfish wanting on his. The offer was simple, he'd do everything in his wealthy positioning to free her and in return she'd give him her life, in both legal marriage and social standing. With her bearing a suitable heir to his fortunes and keeping herself socially hidden as to stifle suspicions from her half sibling, his daughter.

The thought of being tied down to the brute disgusted her for multiple reasons, and the sheer idea that he could and had already punished her with confinement for refusing had burned a seething hatred for the man so deeply into her mind that she saw a deep red at the thought of him.

He had stolen seven years from her at that point, and the letter was only rubbing salt in the aching wound he'd made.

The second letter came when she had already been imprisoned for close to nine years, and had been moved to maximum after contributing to a large scale riot, resulting in multiple casualties of both guards and inmates. She had newly been released from solitary for biting a handsy guard in the jugular and was seated in her cell, a steel mouth-guard tied to her face to prevent future incidents.

The mail carrier entered the block and pulled the slot in her door open, then slid in a yellow envelope. The pungent smell of sunflowers flooded the room and made her nose itchy. She climbed to her feet and shambled to where the letter had fallen by the door. The slot closed quickly and she heard footsteps running off. Now twenty two years old, Chokaria stood a massive, bulking 6''3 with broad shoulders and bulging muscles. She used one of her clawed fingers to tear open the top of the envelope and pulled the folded papers out. At first she skimmed the letter, then reread it carefully, afraid she was illiterate after all this time or maybe he'd written in code. But no, he'd written in carefully calligraphed Italian, knowing it was the only written language she was familiar with.

"Dear Chokaria,

How are you, princess? I'd imagine not so well with the transfer, I hope you were given a chance to say goodbye to any friends you'd made at your last residence. Luckily I pulled a few strings on the outside and moved you somewhere near to me. Peggy says hi, of course. She still believes you're enrolled in a private militant school in Venice. You'll have to write her sometime, I'm sure she'd love to her from you.

I have a proposition for you my dear, it is not so different from my last, but I believe you'll find this one more appealing for the both of us. You're familiar with bartering by now, no? We shall call this a barter. I currently hold in my possession a beautiful engagement ring, and some imperative papers pertaining to your early release. You can come home at any time I wish, and I do intend for you to return to me soon, all I ask is that you sign a few papers on my next arrival to your current…residence.

Do carefully consider my offer, and evaluate your choices. In the end I will get what I want, the only question is will you get anything you want?

With love, Matthew D'Angelo"

Chokaria had read the letter at least a dozen times. He'd even included a picture of her sister, smiling gleefully and holding a scribble that vaguely resembled the trio of them. She hung the picture of her sibling on the wall, and folded the letter back up. Paranoia began to seep into her brain, would he stoop low enough to hurt her sister to get her to agree? She prayed not, but that man was above nothing, held no quarrels with anything immoral to succeed. What he'd done in the name of training her as a child was evidence enough of his limits.

Matthew's arrival and subsequent visit had arrived sooner than the inmate envisioned. She was escorted to the private room by two guards, shackled arms behind her and mouth-guard fastened tightly, pressing against her scalp. Her ankles were shackled and her tail was the only free appendage, fastened around her waist as a belt. She was shoved into the room and forced into the chair adjacent to Matthew. He was dressed to the nines, as if to impress her. He had a shit eating grin on his face as he adjusted his red tie. For all intents and purposes he seemed genuinely pleased to see her-or rather, see her in her prisoner garbs.

"It's always a pleasure to see you, beautiful."

She glared at him with her only visible eye. He chuckled and addressed the guards.

"Could one of you please remove that, contraption off of her? I'd like to have a conversation here."

The guards were visibly hesitant.

"Inmate 4467 has an issue with biting and spitting, sir." One of them spoke, the other nodded in agreement.

Matthew refused to take that for an answer.

"I am hear in regarding to her legal issues, it would be useful if she could speak, no? I assure you, while I am here she will act in accordance to the warden's rules."

Hearing that the guards cautiously removed the mouth guard. Chocco cracked her jaw and stretched her sore mouth, a visible bruise on her cheek had ached under the pressure of the metal mask.

Matthew was appalled by the bruise and turned his swelling anger to the guards. He began berating them, inquiring to who as he put it-assaulted his client in such a brutal manner. He began promptly speaking to her in Italian. Though his accent was strong and made the words come out scuffed, despite his fluency.

"It wasn't them, another guard." Chokaria spoke nonchalantly.

"Give me a name, or a badge number, now." Matthew demanded of her.

"Can't." She moved her bangs from in front of her hidden eye, which bore three deep scratch marks that had blinded her eye and turned the emerald color to a glazed over gray.

"Why is that? Are you being extorted? I will bring down the gods hammers on their skull so help me-"

"Bit out his jugular."

"You-What?!"

Matthew asked incredulously, he knew the girl to be a brute but never a homicidal monster that spoke so calmly before him. So she explained herself. Earlier that month a guard had removed her from the yard and did a random frisking in the halls, conveniently where there were no cameras. The search went south fast and resulted in her headbutting him and getting into a short scuffle, at one point her mesh mouth guard came loose which she used the opportunity to remove it, and sink her sharp canines into his throat, nearly ripping out his Adams apple. Matthew, disgusted by the story had then inquired as to where the guard was.

"He ain't dead, in the med bay on leave till the hospital boys come for him. Got solitary for it, the hole was worth it though. Won't let these sick fucks get at me, plus they'll think twice now."

"And if he were to return to his post after this, how are you sure he wouldn't test his luck again? Or seek vengeance?"

"Simple really," Chokaria crossed her legs and rested her arms on the table. "Word gets around, only thing girlies in here hate more than the few chomos that come in are handsy guards. If he comes back the bigger girls will get him fore he comes near me."

"Excuse me? Chomos?"

"Child touchers, diddlers, sickos."

"I see."

Matthew shuffled to his left, bending slightly at the waist to retrieve something resting near his calf. He then placed a slim brown briefcase on the table.

"Doesn't match yer outfit oh chief." Chokaria leaned back in her chair. Matthew shot a mean glare at her.

"So you're a fashion critic now?"

She smiled and switched her legs, crossing the opposite over the other.

"No captain, just observant."

"Well, I have some papers you can observe." Matthew pressed to clips on the briefcase and the top sprung open. He shifted through a thin stack of papers before separating it into two piles and closing the case with his elbow. He then placed both on the table, sliding one over to her side with a pen holding them together by the top right corners. A pen of his own adorned his stack, acting as a paperweight.

Chokaria's attention drew to the few sentences she could read. Some was written in Italian for her convenience, but the vast majority had been written in English. She tried her best to read those parts as well, but ultimately failed.

"Is this a joke at my expense, Matthew?"

He smiled at the sound of his own name, but when his hazel eyes met an angry green one, the smile faded as fast as it appeared.

"No, no! Not at all, it was simply a legal precaution for the notaries and lawyers. This," He pointed to a small paragraph in Italian. "Is the beginning of the important parts."

Chokaria swiped his much larger hand away and began to read the section he pointed at, the contents expanded onto the remaining pages and were indeed the bits she should be paying attention to.

"You wish me to move in your home, marry you, and bare your kin?" She asked him but also herself, in disbelief of the sheer audacity of the man before her.

"More or less, yes."

"I-I can't believe you!" Chocco slammed a fist onto the table.

"I understand, you must be very confused as to how I could be so-"

"Selfish! Arrogant! Horribly Ignorant!" She yelled in rage filled huffs.

"I was going to say generous, but if that's how you feel.."

"It is not how I feel! It is how you're displaying yourself! You relentless leech, you said the deal would be better for both of us, but it's the same as the last!"

Matthew stood and raised his hands slowly.

"I understand your frustration, but please, return to your seat."

Chokaria hadn't realized she'd jumped out of her seat, the lax ankle shackles suddenly tightened as she noticed Matthew glance at the guards. With the swelling frustration of her situation, and her fleeting energy she sat down roughly, slamming the chair onto the concrete floors. Matthew slowly returned to his seat, and lowered his hands calmly.

"There-there! No need to get these inadequate gentlemen involved in our conversing." Matthew fixed his tie, flattening it against his bulging chest, his suit did little to hide his bulky muscular frame. Not to mention the modest soft spoken persona he put on for humans was futile if you couldn't ignore how threatening his physique was, and most could not. Chokaria sighed, her curly brown locks falling over her face. The shaven right of her scalp itched like it usually did when she was worried, and her furrowed brows tore down the visage that she was handling this news well and good.

"I refuse D'Angelo. You know I will never agree to this."

"I'm well aware of your stubborn tendencies, but you're willing to throw away your freedom? A chance to have a life again, all for your pride?"

"No, it is your pride that is your hubris, you're the one who lives in this idealized hell that if you have enough money, you can make anyone do anything for you, and you can have anything you wish. Even at the expense of others, even at the expense of people you care about."

"Those are tall claims from someone in your position, Chokaria."

"I'm done talking with you, goodbye."

Chocco stood and signaled the guards. Snapping at them in English.

"Take me back to my cell please,"

She looked at Matthew, who was now standing and holding out the papers for her.

"We're done here."

"I insist, just read them over once more, and if you change your mind, sign them."

Matthew held out the papers for her to take, placing the pen in his pocket. The inmate could no longer conceal her disdain for him, and any excuse to get him to stop looking at her was one she'd take greedily. So in the end she did take the papers, balling them up into a crumbled tube and shoving them haphazardly into her pocket. Matthew bode her farewell with two kisses on the cheeks and bid adieu before departing. The return to her cell block was stifling with quietness. It seemed lights out had been set for a while and those who were still up were either reading, meditating or humming tranquilly. When they reached her destination one of the guards briefly spoke into the walkie talkie placed on his chest. There was a loud mechanical buzz and the heavy steel door reeled open with noisy groans. Chokaria slowly entered with her back to them and patiently waited as they released her of her cuffs and shackles. She sat in the middle of the cramped space as the door began to close, and sighed. Retrieving the rolled papers from her pocket and skimming over them. The severity of her predicament began to hit her and she couldn’t help herself from crying tears filled of anguish.

In the end she would be a prisoner regardless of what path she took, and with the time she'd already spent locked away from civilization she would give anything to regain a semblance of freedom.

Even if it meant waiting for her release date.

Chokaria Maelor was released from Decoder's Maximum Security Penitentiary at the age of twenty six. She was given the clothes she came with when she was first incarcerated at fifteen, and the feeble collection of items they confiscated from her when she was in booking. It was a fine day when she exited those barbed gates. The sun was hidden behind a thick row of clouds, and there was a comfortable breeze through the crisp air. Her long mane of hair was tied loosely in a low ponytail, and she used her clawed fingers to rip the old worn tie from her hair. The busted hair piece fell to her feet which were adorned with black converse that were far to small for her feet. She draped her leather jacket over her, reminiscing on how it used to be so large on her, and now it fit properly. Her once striped shirt had transformed into a belly shirt due to her maturity, and it laid snug against her bulking muscular body, as if sculpted to her. The dense pack of muscles on her torso were on full display. She resigned to keeping her gray sweats that were given to her in jail, knowing her only pair of jeans would never fit again. Granted she'd grown tenfold in pants size, regardless of it they were in tatters, barely recognizable as once being an article of clothing.

She hadn't expected anyone to show to her release, and yet still a black SUV sat waiting for her, engine running and an unseen driver waiting at the helm. Someone exited the back seat from the adjacent side as she neared, and her gratefulness dissipated at the revelation of just whom showed up for her. For someone you loathe to be the only one there for you after years of enslavement, a different breed of hatred can be birthed in the human conscious.

Despite all of her prayers, wishes and hopes, despite all of her pleads for it not to be so, there Matthew D'Angelo stood. Defiant against her wishes, laughing at her prayers to her gods, allowing her to hold hope in her cell all the while knowing he'd return for her regardless of how she felt towards him.

He was there for her, and she hated him for it.

The ride to his estate was quiet and tense. The driver said not a word to them besides giving Chokaria a smile and "welcome to the free world madam." before driving off. Matthew resigned himself to the silence he considered to be a peaceful refrain from their snarky banter. He was simply happy to have his prized toy returned to him, a plaything was all he really saw her as. An item to own, something to add to his growing collection of possessions. But Chocco would not go so willingly, nor without fighting him tooth and nail. She didn't want freedom, she demanded it, and would fight for it, if it came to it she'd kill for it. Sweet freedom that had been robbed from her, stripped and torn from her since she had came with him and her mother to this accursed nation. Well no more, she wasn't going to lay down and wait for a slow, agonizing death. That wasn't quite the being she was raised to be. She was meant and instilled to be a monster. An unruly, uncontained beastly creation of love and hate. Her father's hatred for their home's laws and religions, and her parent's love. But their love was fickle like most ties to others in her life. And when her mother went astray and invited Matthew to her bed, Chokaria learned what hell on earth looked like. Then, when she smuggled the small child to her lover's home, Chocco lived through hell with him. Like all things, when he was bored of her mother he moved his revolting sights on someone else, her. Then, when her mother angered him he did what he always did with his faulty toys, he broke her. Brutality was his specialty, and he enjoyed the screams of those who he inflicted it upon.

Chokaria shivered as the buried memories resurfaced, creeping into her mind and taking place there to ensure her suffering. She balled her hands into fists and let her gaze fall to her lap, she always promised her mother, as horrible as she had been to her, that she'd never let that fate become of her or her sibling.

The car stopped at a red light, Chocco looked out the window at the bustling world around her. Random civilians living in their personal universes, coexisting in peace. For the most part there were only humans, but among them there were Creatures, of all shapes and species. Avians soared high and low, rodents stuck to the walls of buildings and squeezed through the crowds. Bigger hulking Creatures like Oxen, Bears and lanky Serpents walked and slithered in longer strides among the smaller humans. There were no hybrids in sight, and she thanked Matthew internally for having the foresight to keep every window in every car heavily tinted. With one way mirrors no one could see their features, and with proper attire they could blend in with humans publicly. That was Chokaria's downfall after all, she hadn't listened to him all those years ago and went outside without any obscuring accessories to hide her ears or even a jacket to hide her tail.

But she hadn't, and she had to live with her decisions, dwelling on the past would not help her now.

"Where are you taking me?" She asked firmly, refusing to even look at the man she spoke to.

"Where else? Home."

She could feel eyes staring at her, his stare boring into the back of her head and making the hairs on her neck stand stiff. It was a mix of disgust and dread that had filled her body, making her chest heavy. She had decided to no longer speak, and in her stead Matthew would happily do so.

"Peggy is currently attending a prestigious, private school for gifted mages and wizards, she'll return in the fall. Until then, you'll have very loose responsibilities. I have an exceptional roster of maids, butlers, chauffeurs and a highly trained security team. Rest assured your every desire will be met, and you needn't worry yourself about anything you might need."

When Chokaria failed to respond he continued on.

"Of course you'll have the freedom to roam the property at anytime and renovate and decorate as you see fit, the staff will brief you on the few rooms you're not permitted to enter…as for leaving the premises, I would hope you can agree that it's far too soon for that."

She looked at him for the first time since she entered the car, he'd peaked her interest with that statement, and if her stoic face and icy stare failed to show it, her perked fluffy ears did.

"I see you're excited about something at least, yes-yes, you may leave the estate in due time. At first I considered after a month, you do need to rest, and readjust to society. Your social graces could use some work to say the least, and I'd rather you be comatose before you leave the house in…"

He gave her a once over and used a limp hand gesture to address her outfit.

"Whatever the hell that is."

"It's what I went to jail in, ass."

"Now let's not make excuses for your god awful taste in fashion, dear. It's not your fault your invalid of a mother couldn't impart any sense of style on you. For fucks sake she was a goddamn tailor, it was the least her selfish ass could've done." He snarled coldly. It seemed some things never changed, like his lax tongue when talking about her mother. Chokaria withheld the urge to throttle him, but just barely.

"Enough about that though, you really aren't ready to face the new world that surrounds you, with how the politics of our world have evolved over the last decade, and with your current mark on the civil rights aspects of the judicial system, it's really in your best interest to stay near me for the time being. If not then firmly under my heel, so if you must leave for any reason there'll be some…constrictions for you."

"Such as?"

"Well you're going to be given a lady in waiting-"

"Excuse me? Is it the 1800's and no one told me?"

"Silence. It'll simply be a woman to aid you with your wardrobe, diet, daily scheduling and classes."

"Classes? I'm no student. I’m unsure if that's what that title even means either."

"As if you'd know. You will be in etiquette along with other things."

"I'd rather be shot in the fucking face."

"Mind your tongue or you'll cease to have one, Chokaria." Matthew warned. Their eyes met in twin glares, and his never faltered once. She bit her tongue and allowed him to continue.

"In that case, if you truly refuse to learn any semblance of civilized activity, there are alternatives available to you. Though few, I assure you they will pique your interest."

"What if I don't want to do any of them?"

Matthew laughed heartily, it was genuine amusement with her. He carried on for a while until his laughs began to die down. He wiped a tear from his eye and pressed a palm to his breast.

"Oh my dear, it's so cute you think you have a say in anything."

The car suddenly stopped. They had arrived at their destination.

"Now get out of my goddamn car."

#dull colors #writing #ocs

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musicprincess655 · 6 years

Link

Youichi thought he, Ryou, and Miyuki had found some sort of truce after a few months of coexisting, but that all went to shit when he heard a crash from the living room, and raised voices. He sprinted out just in time to see Ryou throw a small ball of energy at Miyuki.

It shouldn’t have been enough to cause damage, shouldn’t have been more than the equivalent of a rough shove. But Miyuki cowered away, covering his head with his arms. Youichi finally managed to plant himself between the two of them.

“Enough!” he shouted. “Ryou-san, back off.”

“But…”

“Now!”

For once, Ryou actually listened. With more room to breathe, he turned to Miyuki.

“Are you okay?”

“I can’t be here right now,” Miyuki said, shaking off the hands Youichi had put on his shoulders. His eyes looked wild and trapped. “I have to get out of here.”

“Go to Sawamura and Masuko’s,” Youichi said. He didn’t think Miyuki was listening to him. “Hey! I mean it. You’re upset, I don’t want you wandering around by yourself. Sawamura and Masuko are the closest. I’m texting Sawamura that you’re on your way, and if you’re not there in the next thirty minutes he and Masuko are gonna come looking for you.”

He hoped he’d gotten his point across, because Miyuki was quick to leave after that. He rounded on Ryou, who looked a little subdued.

“What the fuck?” he demanded. “I know you’re frustrated, and arguing with Miyuki fixes that for some reason, but you crossed a line. I don’t care what you think your excuse is, he has done nothing to deserve that level of retaliation.”

Ryou didn’t have anything to say in response to that.

“I’m leaving,” Youichi said, but groaned when he felt the bond tugging at him. “And it appears you’re coming with me. Get your ass in gear. We’re going to get your damn chicken.”

As a demon, even though he could eat regular food, Ryou needed more to stay alive. He’d pointed out that Youichi was going to have to feed him. He couldn’t exactly make sacrifices to himself, and his only other alternative was finding another human soul, which would probably be complicated by the bond, anyway.

So Youichi had been picking chickens up from a farm outside the city from a woman named Tamano. She gave him a discount since she didn’t have to bring the chicken to market, and he valued the weekly trips as his only escape from the hot mess that was his life right now. It was weird that they were when he felt the most normal, considering it involved spending an hour riding a train with a chicken, but at least he got to be alone with his thoughts, and the worst the chickens ever did was cluck at him.

He didn’t even have that right now, and Ryou was kind of the last person he wanted to talk to. It sucked that when they most needed space from each other, they couldn’t get away. He needed a minute to himself to stop being furious at Ryou for going after Miyuki, even if it hadn’t been an attack that would’ve done any harm. It was still crossing a line, especially because it was Miyuki.

He tried to calm himself down by thinking of something else, ignoring that Ryou’s shoulder was pressed into his by necessity. For some reason, he started thinking about the first time he’d sacrificed a chicken for Ryou.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Ryou asked.

“How hard is it to kill a chicken?” Youichi countered. He gripped his knife tighter. “And I just have to dedicate it to you?”

Ryou nodded.

“It’s nice when it comes with burning of the chicken, too, but that’s impossible if you insist on eating that for dinner,” he said.

“Can’t waste perfectly good food,” Youichi said. “This killed my grocery money for the week.”

Enough stalling. He raised the knife.

“Alright, to whoever this is supposed to concern, I dedicate the life of this chicken to Ryou-san,” he said. Ryou rolled his eyes. It wasn’t elegant, but it counted. He brought the knife down on the chicken’s neck.

He wasn’t expecting it to jerk around so much, spraying him with blood. He definitely didn’t expect it to get shit all over his shoes.

Ryou, however, seemed to have expected that, because he started laughing at Youichi’s disgusted face. Youichi shuddered. Gross.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s just get this thing cooked.”

They were lucky enough not to pass any neighbors on their way up to the apartment. Youichi had to make Ryou open the door, since his hands were full of dead, bloody chicken.

Miyuki was passing the door on his way into the kitchen. His eyes widened when he took in the sight of Youichi and Ryou and the dead chicken. Youichi held it up.

“Help?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Come on, you’re supposed to be the good cook,” Youichi begged.

“I can cook cleaned chicken breasts,” Miyuki said, lip curling a little in disgust. Which, fair. The chicken was pretty gross-looking. “We have these great things called grocery stores. I’ve never butchered a chicken before.”

Maybe Youichi’s helpless look made Miyuki take pity on him for once.

“Look, get it cleaned and deboned and I’ll do the rest,” he sighed. “And don’t come out of the genkan. Get that out of here before you get blood on the floor.”

“He’d probably just get chicken shit on the floor,” Ryou offered helpfully. Miyuki looked like he was reconsidering the option of cursing them both into oblivion.

“Out.”

Okay, so he was kicked out of his own apartment with a dead chicken. This was fine. His phone had internet, he could just look up how to clean a chicken. It couldn’t be that hard, right?

He was interrupted by a throat clearing. He looked up to see their elderly neighbor giving his bloody clothes a judgmental look. He slapped on his best please don’t report me to the landlord look.

“Evening, Fuwa-san,” he said, turning on the charm.

“You know you have to hold the chicken down until the muscle spasms stop, right?” she asked.

“I figured that out, yes.”

She gave him a long look. Youichi tried not to squirm. She was definitely going to report them to the landlord, and there was no way he was getting his security deposit back.

“Come on, then,” she finally sighed. “You can borrow my sink, and I’ll show you how to clean that.”

“What?”

“Today, Kuramochi-kun. I’m not getting any younger.”

Fuwa-san had shown him how to defeather, clean, and debone a chicken. Defeathering had become Ryou’s job, and it looked like he had fun ripping feathers out. Fuwa-san allowed him to use her sink to clean up his chickens, as long as he gave her the feet, bones and innards. He didn’t ask about her brujería shit and she didn’t ask about his.

Thinking about something else had calmed him down, but he still wasn’t really in the mood to talk to Ryou. To his credit, Ryou hadn’t tried to start a conversation, tucking himself as far away from Youichi as the bond would let him get. They spent the hour’s train ride in silence, only breaking when Youichi said “this is our stop” and settling right back in as they walked to Tamano’s farm.

The thing about Tamano was that it was really hard to stay mad around her. She was a bright, smiley woman whether Youichi was in the mood to smile or not, and it was infectious. Youichi could feel his shoulder muscles loosening as he waved to her. She grinned, eyes focusing in on Ryou.

“Is this your pet demon?” she asked. Ryou looked at Youichi with a dangerous smile.

“You call me your pet demon?” he asked, voice dripping with poison.

“No, he doesn’t, but he’d much rather call you something else,” Tamano said, wiggling her eyebrows. Youichi wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Just what he needed after everything else – Tamano telling Ryou about his very unfortunate crush.

He knew it was stupid. He knew it wouldn’t go anywhere. He knew he was walking directly into heartbreak. And he still had this big, dumb, unfortunate crush on Ryou.

It wasn’t like he could help it. Not only was Ryou ridiculously attractive, almost as if he’d tailored his appearance to appeal directly to Youichi’s tastes, but his personality was intriguing and attractive in equal parts. He had a dry sense of humor, and could be savage as hell with his wit, and if he’d been human, Youichi probably would’ve been willing to go to jail for him.

He was probably willing to go to jail for him anyway.

And he’d thought Tamano was someone safe to vent to about his unfortunate, doomed crush, but it appeared he’d made a grave mistake.

Luckily, Tamano gave them the chicken and waved them happily on their way, with only a whispered he’s a cutie to Youichi to make him blush. They lapsed back into silence on the train, sitting with the chicken between them.

After almost thirty minutes of silence, Ryou finally spoke up.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt him,” he said. Youichi turned to look at him. He was looking out the window, face mostly hidden from Youichi. “Haruichi and I do that to each other all the time. It wouldn’t have hurt him. I wasn’t trying to hurt him.”

Youichi sighed. He did owe Ryou an explanation, because while he’d crossed a line by escalating to a magic attack, for anyone else, it was a forgivable breach.

“This isn’t entirely my story to tell, so if you want details, you can ask Miyuki yourself,” he said. “But the general story is that some assholes in middle school bullied him, and they used chaos magic to attack him. He’s still a little weird about chaos magic now.”

“Why would they do that?”

“Other than middle school kids just being shits?” Youichi asked. Ryou shrugged, but he was actually facing Youichi now, and this felt a little like reconciliation. “A lot of witches like to think they’re better than familiars because we have high power levels. They forget that we need familiars a lot more than familiars need us. Miyuki didn’t exactly help the situation by mouthing off whenever those kids messed with him, although that’s still no excuse for attacking him.”

Ryou nodded.

“I know you’re not happy here,” Youichi went on. “I’m sorry, and I know that doesn’t make you any less bound, but I’m sorry anyway. I’m going to make sure you’re not hungry, and I won’t stop looking until I find a way to unbind you. So just…lay off Miyuki. None of this is his fault, and he’s doing his best with the situation. Take it out on me if you have to take it out on someone.”

“Can we practice for the coven battles more?” Ryou asked. “It’ll…it’ll feel better to do something. I feel like I’m just sitting on my ass, and I’m not getting anywhere.”

“Yeah,” Youichi promised. “We should be working on combos more, anyway. We have to be able to play off each other.”

They sat in silence, letting the apology sink in.

“Buh gok,” said the chicken. Youichi couldn’t help the smile that sprung to his face, and before he knew it, he was laughing his head off, Ryou shaking with silent, suppressed laughter beside him.

Nothing about this situation was okay. But maybe it could be. Youichi could hope for things to get better, and maybe they would.

#kuraryou #fydna #dailydaiya #dna #daiya no a #ace of diamond #my writing #elt #magic au

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nancy-who · 7 years

Text

Another NDAE submission

because I wanted to write another one… for some reason…

You know how Danger by Design only wraps up stories for half of it’s characters? Have you ever wanted to know what happened to all of them? That’s what this one is about. It’s not really a story itself, more like subplots I invented. None of it will really make sense unless you’ve played DAN.

“Hold still,” Heather was going a bit mad. With pins stuck in her mouth, she jumped around Nancy, fussing with every strap and ruffle and stitch you could possibly imagine. Measuring, pinning, snipping, sewing, stretching, tearing, and stitching every little detail. Two hours into their session she started muttering incoherently to her self, and she hadn’t stopped since. Nancy’s sympathy for Heather was starting to wear thin. “I said HOLD STILL,” “Fine, fine,” “Look, I know it’s been a few hours, but the show is only two weeks away…” Nancy breathed out. “I understand,” But Heather was hardly listening to her. “Uuuhhhgg… no. No. I was wrong,” Heather tore off a chunk of fabric, “ All wrong,” stomped out of the room, banging her head for ideas. Making sure that she was out of sight, Nancy crept off the pedestal and picked up her phone. “That’s weird…” she mumbled to herself. Heather popped her head back into the room “Nancy! What did I say about looking at your phone?” “ I have fifteen missed calls from Dieter,” Heather’s face went white. “ Wait, what do you know?” Nancy’s phone went off again. “It’s Dieter,” “Don’t pick up,” Heather begged Nancy glared at Heather defiantly and pressed accept. “Hello Dieter,” “NANCYYOUGOTMINETTEARRESTEDHOWCOULDYOU- “De-” “NOWYOURUINEDHERCAREERANDSHEHASNOTHING-” “Wai-” “A B S O L U T E L Y. N O T H I N G. ” he took a deep breath. “Dieter, listen-” “AND WHAT ARE YOU? SOME SILLY AMERICAN GIRL WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN RUIN PEOPLE’S LIVES? SHE WAS ONE OF THE MOST TALENTED DESIGNERS IN HISTORY! BUT NOW, NOW, SHE WILL FOREVER BE KNOWN AS SOME CRIMINAL BECAUSE OF ONE STUPID TEENAGER-” “Plea-” “-YOU PLANNED THIS DIDN’T YOU? YOU AND HEATHER?” “What? N-” “OOOOOH DON’T LIE TO ME. I KNOW SHE WASN’T THE KINDEST BOSS IN THE WORLD- BUT TO FRAME HER LIKE THAT WAS DESPICABLE. JUST DESPICABLE,” “DIETER,” Nancy screamed “What?” He spat “ She did this to herself,” “Oh, don’t tell me that-” “SHE decided to work with criminals. SHE decided to plant bugs into the First Lady’s dress. SHE decided to attack me when I found out,” “ Oh, plea-” “And SHE is the one that ended your relationship. It was her. It wasn’t any of this. So get over yourself, Dieter. Move on,” There was a long pause, then he hung up. “Well,” Nancy stated matter of factly, “That’s that,” She glanced over at Heather, who was on the verge of tears. “Are you okay?” “ Oh- I just.. well, I’m the one who told him she got arrested. I just thought, if he knew what she did… maybe…” “ Oh, Heather,” Nancy sat down, “That’s not how its works,” “I know…” she sniffed “ I know I shouldn’t have done it… I mean, my gosh, I have this show to design! I can’t get distracted. I don’t know what I was thinking…” “ It’s okay Heather,” “I know,” “We’ve all been there,” “ You ruined your dress,” Heather muttered “What!?” Nancy exclaimed. Sitting down ripped open a few seams. “Oh, no, Heather, I’m so sorry!” “It’s okay. My brain’s fried today anyway. You can go home. We’ll work on it tomorrow,” “You sure?” “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Nancy sighed with relief, and pulled herself free. “Thanks,” Nancy walked out of the Moulin and took the metro to JJ’s apartment. “Back so early?” JJ remarked as Nancy came in. She had flour in her hair and cooking supplies scattered around their kitchen. “It doesn’t feel so early,” Nancy admitted, picking up a cookie. “ I know that feeling. Luckily I don’t have to deal with that anymore,” “What do you mean?” “I’m quitting,” “Really? I thought you were under a strict modeling contract,” “ Well, that contract isn’t really valid now that Minette’s in jail, is it?” “But Heather-” “Oh, I don’t really think Heather wants me. She has her own style. She’ll be fine,” “She isn’t that fine right now,” “She’s not going to cancel the show, is she?” JJ tested a bit of dough. “No, no. She’s still hung up on Dieter,” “Poor girl. Personally, I don’t get the appeal of him. Way too misogynistic. You wouldn’t believe the things he’s said to me during a modeling session! Plus he actually has a pet snake- I told you about that, right?” Nancy nodded, “ He’s even worse now that Minette’s in jail,” “I can imagine,” “So what are you going to do now?” Nancy asked. “Oh, I don’t know, work for Hugo Butterly,” Nancy spit out her cookie. “WHAT?” JJ giggled. “No, no. I’m kidding. I’m going to back to school,” Nancy lit up. “ Really? For what?” “ Electrical engineering,” “ Oh! That explains the books you have in the pantry!” Nancy pointed to the back of the kitchen. “You found those, huh?” “ I thought you were trying to bomb Minette,” Nancy said seriously “What?” JJ laughed “ Somebody put a bomb in her office… I couldn’t count anybody out as a suspect,” JJ rolled her eyes. “Fine, detective, what ever you say,” “Who did you think did it?” Nancy asked curiously. “What do mean?” “Who did you think sent all those messages to Minette and set up the bomb?” “Honestly? Jean Michèle,” “Really? Why?” “I’m fairly sure he’s been involved in some shady things for a long time… and if he knew that Minette found out what he was doing…” JJ looked down “well, I wouldn’t put it past him to threaten her,” “What shady things?” “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe they’re just rumors,” “Tell me,” Nancy’s demanded “Well… okay. Jean Michèle is a pretty well-respected critic. I know a countless number of models who really expanded their career with his help…” “And?” “I just heard from some people that some of those models… weren’t exactly modeling when they knew him,” “What do you mean?” “Think about it,” Nancy’s eyes grew wide, “Nooo,” “Mmmm-hmmm,” JJ nodded “He’s a pimp?” Nancy asked incredulously “Bingo,” “… I guess that makes sense. Oh my god, it does! His clothes, the fact that he’s always on a cell phone-” “I know,” “And he was so nice to me when we first met…ew, no, he wasn’t trying to see if-” “Welcome to the world of coo-ture,” JJ muttered bitterly. ——————————————- “BARNES,” the guard bellowed Minette ignored him, tearing aggressively into her chicken nuggets. Normally she wouldn’t stoop to such low food, but there wasn’t much variety in jail. At least there weren’t any critics leering at her. Critics that she could see in front of her, anyway. “TAMMY BARNES,” the guard yelled exasperated. She just kept eating. “I see you Barnes,” “I told you, my name’s Minette,” she muttered. “Not in here, it isn’t,” he retorted, “Here,” he threw her a stack of mail. She mouthed f-you once he had his back turned, and snatched up her letters. The first one was from Dieter. Minette, I should have told you this a long time ago. I love y- Minette tore up the letter. She glanced down. Who else would write to her? Her family had disowned her. Most of the design world had cut their ties with her. She turned the letter over. Emily Griffen? Why did that sound vaguely familiar? Dear Miss Minette, I sent you a letter on the emails a little while ago. I recently caught wind that somebody stuck you in jail. I just wanta say that is plain rotten. I myself was thrown in jail by some goody two shoes called Nancy Drew. And I didn’t hurt nobody! I just was trying to open up something for sale. Taking your talent from the world is the true crime. That’s just what I wanted to say. I hope you get out soon. Sincerely, Emily Griffin Minette read the leader over. “Interesting,” she mused, “Very interesting,”

#eminette?#minemily?#project ndae #nancy drew #clue crew

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laweizhu · 7 years

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Walk The Line

1/? Cross posted on AO3 but I don’t know how to link in mobile so have fun searching!

Sara Lance just landed a job in Central City Police Department as their newest cop, after a 3 year stint abroad. She didn’t expect to walk the line with the morally ambiguous criminal Leonard Snart, but when he lends a helping hand, she can’t seem to walk away from him.

–

She had only been on the job for 4 months and already her life was going to shit. Sara Lance, newest recruit to Central City Police Department; graduated top of her class and spent 3 years of combat training abroad to get away from her life in Star City. The 5'6" blonde was a force to be reckoned with and she had no qualms about taking down men three times her size.

Her first few weeks in Central were spent reconnecting with her mother, finding an apartment, and making sure she didn’t get on anyone’s bad side at the precinct. Her father always told her that she was not one to shy away from danger, which tended to land her in many pots of hot water over the years, but she wasn’t here to stir up anything, just do her job and catch the bad guys.

The boys at the shop respected her enough, especially with her years of combat training, but she had yet to prove to be one of them. She was closer to Detective West’s daughter than she was with some of her colleagues. She was on her way up though, at least, until she landed her last assignment.

Drugs were not such a commodity in Central like they were in her hometown. More robberies and arson than anything related to an underground drug ring, but here she was, playing arm candy to one of the pushers. Marc Mancini was a thug, through and through, but he knew what he wanted, and that was drugs on the street and beautiful women on his arms.

Sara, though she loathe to admit it in this situation, was just his type, with her head full of blonde and the truest of blue eyes. Her small frame gave her the advantage of looking vulnerable, but she knew she was anything but, especially with the heat she was packing in her small black dress.

There was a deal going though, and Sara had the next to best seat in the house, right next to Mancini himself. She spent weeks sidelining at the strip club Mancini frequented (Thank God for all those years of dance and gymnastics) and finally got a fill in when he wanted some beautiful women to show off.

Sara, as much as she hated playing the simpering damsel, batted her eyes and nudged her way into his crowd. She luckily didn’t have to put out for him, yet, anyways, as she suspects he’ll want something after giving her a show of his power.

“Well gentlemen, are we ready to get started? I’ve got the real deal in these crates and all I’m asking is for a couple mil. Any callers?” Mancini called the attention of the crowd that was in the warehouse. Sara was the only one on assignment that was actually able to pull a legitimate invite to the selling, and she couldn’t risk contacting anyone else on the team, being in such close quarters with Mancini.

The blonde cop spotted quite a few big names in the crowd, some she recognized the faces of in reports she’s read and some that looked a little to green to be buying this high up. She spotted one man in the far back of the warehouse, his fur hood up so his face was shadowed, but tall enough to still catch her eye. He suddenly looked up at her and was internally startled by how piercing his eyes were. Her attention was pulled back when Mancini pulled her with him to start the bidding.

It was essentially a waiting game at this point. She couldn’t make a move because as good a fighter as she was, she wasn’t able to take on the amount of men here. She had to memorize who bid on what, and follow those leads to get the best amount of these criminals off the streets as she could. She wasn’t usually a patient person, but patient she would be.

At least until everything went to hell in a hand basket. The tall hooded man finally made his presence known when he shot his gun in the air and fired out what she saw as a ray of ice.

“What the hell is this?!” Mancini pulled away from Sara and approached the crowd, “who the hell are you to come fucking up my business meeting?!” Sara had read the reports and files before arriving in Central, Leonard Snart was a household name in the criminal underground, and his newly acquired cold gun was no joke. At least, according to sources at S.T.A.R. Labs and the news outlets.

“I go away for a few months and this is what happens to my city?” Snart pulls his fur hood down and waves his gun disapprovingly at Mancini. He slowly walks his way through the crowd, the people parting away like Moses parting the red seas.

“We don’t do drugs here, Mancini , I thought I made that clear when you first moved in.” Snart stepped up to the platform Sara and Mancini were standing on. She pulled her shrug tighter around her to conceal grabbing her gun. Snart side eyes her for a second before returning to stare Mancini down.

At this point, some of the crowd begin slowly leaving, not willing to come in between Leonard Snart and his rule in town. Mancini, himself, was getting flustered and trying to convince Snart that drugs would bring more money into Central.

“C'mon now man, you’re about the money right? More drugs means more buyers, which means more money in our pockets. Don’t ya see the appeal Snart?” Captain Cold gave a smirk as icy as you could get,

“No, drugs mean competition, it means people moving in my city that I don’t want here. It means that the real money makers are gonna leave Central high and dry if they start sniffing the drugs. So, you get these crates outta my city by tomorrow or you can see why they call me Cold.”

The tall man spun around and looked straight at Sara. He gave her a once over that sent shivers down her spine, and approached her as if he hadn’t just threatened to ice someone.

“Birdie, you staying or going?” Sara wasn’t about to become on the receiving end of Mancini’s anger for the deal going south, so she took the arm that was bring offered to her and kept playing her part, at least until she could get away.

—

They had been walking for a few minutes, and no ride or getaway in sight. Sara knew, at least with one person, she had a better chance of escaping but she didn’t get the sense that he was going to harm her.

“So, what’s an armed bird like you, doing on the arms of that idiot Mancini?” He begins to make conversation without any hitch in his stroll. He pulls her along when she pauses to look at him, and she doesn’t respond for a minute to process what he said.

She deflected instead, “Why? Should I be on your arm instead Mr. Snart?”

He chuckled, pulled her close and whispered in her ear, “Well, as nice as you are on my arm, I like to keep my distance from a cop.” Sara froze as he said those words, never having been caught in a situation like this before. She didn’t quite feel threatened by his response, but she wasn’t exactly excited to have her cover blown.

He pulled away from her, and she noticed that they had stopped by the edge of the harbor. She was only wearing her revealing black dress, one that where the hem just teased at the muscle in her leg and showed off an ample amount of cleavage. The thin shaw she wore did nothing to stop the breeze that came from across the water. She had enough self control to stop herself from shivering, but was unable to stop the goosebumps that rose across her arms and legs. She wasn’t quite sure if they were from the air or from the man standing in front of her.

Sara stayed silent, while Snart made his way around her, as if sizing a piece of meat, or in his case, a rare, beautiful, and expensive piece of jewelry.

“Well then, Miss Cop? No answer, is there?” The man in the blue parka came to a stop in front of her and made a move grab a stand of loosened hair. What he wasn’t expecting was the sudden movement from the woman in front of him. She had suddenly grabbed his arm, twisting it inwards to cause a shock of pain while using her other hand to hold the small throwing knife she had concealed in her garter up to his neck.

“Well then, this little bird has some claws does she?” Leonard showed surprise on his face, but only slightly. He gave a smirk towards her, and if she were in any other situation than this one, she might have even found it attractive.

“Tell me why I shouldn’t have you cuffed and brought down to the station.” Sara gripped the arm he brought to hold her hair tighter, and only put a minimal amount of pressure on the knife close to his throat.

“Look, I’m not usually in the line of work to collaborate with the cops, but we both have the same objective here.” Leonard slowly began to hold up his arm that wasn’t held in her grip in the air.

“I want these drugs off the street as much as you, and actually have some evidence to help get rid of it. But you have to make a deal not to take me in. What do ya say, Birdie?”

Sara gave him a hard stare, and maybe in other circumstances, the harbor, the moonlight, it might even be romantic. But what she saw was only truthfulness in his eyes, maybe a hint of something darker, but she didn’t want to think about what it was ot the implications of it.

“Fine,” she whispered. “But you have to tell me what this evidence is first before I remove my knife.”

“Okay, sure. In my back pocket is a thumb drive I grabbed just before leaving the building. It has a video and audio recording of Mancini auctioning off the drugs as well as a nice shot of all the faces in the crowd. How’s that for evidence?” Sara had to admit, that was a hefty sum of evidence for her to get Mancini and even a couple others convicted and jailed.

She bit her lip as she considered her options, not realizing Leonard’s gaze drifted down to her mouth as she did it.

“How can I trust you?” She stared back at him, her heels making her eye-level with his nose, so she still had to glance up slightly.

“You can’t. But if someone is going to ruin this city, it’s because I’ve robbed it blind, not through dirty drugs that only drag people down.” Leonard spoke with passion on this topic and she had no other choice to believe him.

“Fine. But no sudden movements. Your hands stay up in the air and I grab the drive from your pocket.” Sara slowly released his right hand and he brought it up to join his left that was now resting on top of his shaved head.

“It’s in my right back pocket.” Sara nodded her head and reached her left hand around his frame to dig into his pants. The movement caused her to step closer to him than she anticipated and she couldn’t ignore the tension in both their bodies that had nothing to do with the knife that was held to his throat.

She looked straight into his eyes as her hand slowly drifted into his back pocket to grab the thumb drive. She really shouldn’t have, but her fingers caressed his lower back as she brought it back out, his eyes only narrowing and the hint of a dangerous smile sitting on his lips.

Sara pocketed the drive right in the cleavage of her dress, but Leonard made no other movements with his eyes except to keep staring into hers. She didn’t know why she was taking so many chances, but she slowly released the knife from against his neck but trailed her fingers down his collarbone and chest before stepping back from him.

She took a few steps back from him to regain a level head, but he continued to stare straight into her, even as he brought his hands slowly down to his side. He made no move for his cold gun, and she made no move for her concealed gun.

He only began to walk back towards the warehouse, still looking at her, before saying, “Catch you on the flip side, Birdie.”

He spun around and walked briskly back in the direction they came from before pausing when she said, “The name’s Sara, not Birdie.”

He looked back at her, with her arms held around her, looking like an angel of death in the moonlight. “Well then, Sara , hope to see you around sometime.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, before giving him the first hint of a smile he had seen all night that wasn’t fake. As he walked away, all Sara could think was that she was in deep shit.

#captain canary #sara lance #leonard snart #cop au #legends of tomorrow #fanfic

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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Palm Springs Timeline Explained

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This article contains Palm Spring spoilers. Our spoiler-free review is here.

Time loop movies are quickly becoming a genre, and we are here for it. The paterfamilias of the concept on screen is of course Harold Ramis’ existential romantic comedy, Groundhog Day, but we’ve seen the concept repeatedly riffed on ever since in everything from big action blockbusters (Source Code, Edge of Tomorrow) to slasher movies and indie thrillers (Happy Death Day and The Endless, respectively). So it was inevitable someone would eventually circle back to using the idea of a perpetual time loop for romance. Luckily the first film to do so is the exceedingly clever Palm Springs.

A millennial rom-com stuck on repeat, Palm Springs slyly deconstructs some potentially problematic aspects about Groundhog Day while offering a smart variation on the concept of love through trial and error on the same day. And director Max Barbakow and screenwriter Andy Siara are aided greatly in this by the general appeal of Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti, who turn two potentially unlikable malcontents into a charming pair of co-dependent adult-children searching for maturity. But how they got into their predicament, and how long they’ve been stuck there is a little more complicated than other time loop movies. So we’re here to unpack the timeline in the movie, and how and why events occur.

The Jurassic Period

Following in Groundhog Day’s tradition, an exact explanation for our temporal glitch in spacetime remains elusive, but we know it is caused by a glowing physics anomaly in a cave located in modern day Southern California. And it’s been there a very long time. Since at least the late Jurassic period around 150 million years ago, to be exact. We can trace that because on one magical drug-fueled night shared by Nyles (Samberg) and Sarah (Milioti), the pair see what looks like several Apatosauruses (or Brontosauruses) in the distance. It’s dark, they’re high, and the movie is hinting that it could just be a hallucination, but nope. In the final frame before the end credits, we see the long-necked dinosaurs again just wandering around.

It’s a fun wink and one that suggests this isn’t some temporary gimmick created by the universe to improve Nyles and Sarah as human beings; they’re trapped in a temporal loop by something that has existed since dinosaurs walked the earth and potentially much longer. It’s fair to wonder if the time loop is as old as the planet, if not the universe, with these gentle giants roaming the same plains for eternity. But you know what? Good for them! When you think about it from the dinos’ perspective, Nyles and Sarah are throwing away the gift of eternity like suckers.

Nyles

We of course don’t see Nyles’ first day in the time loop—and we may not have seen a moment from even his first million. It is intentionally vague how long he’s been trapped in this time loop, but certainly years and probably decades have passed when the film begins. Refreshingly breaking from the formula established by Groundhog Day, we as viewers have skipped the early sense of exploration, the subsequent gleeful anarchy without consequences that follows, and finally a brief nihilistic despair. Rather we meet Nyles after he’s come to a happy resignation toward his fate. Hey, at least he gets to wear the same shorts and Hawaiian shirt each day and either aid or subvert the wedding he’s attending however he chooses.

We can be pretty sure that it’s been ages since it began because he already knows about everyone in town, from his cheating girlfriend to the deal about the local barflies. In a pinch, he can even call on a memory about the bearded hermit still pining for the woman who took his virginity when he needs to steal the dude’s car. Plus, as he tells Sarah, he first met J.K. Simmons’ Roy in the “early days” when he was still exploring the wedding’s guests and probing them with a sense of curiosity. Hell, he was even still wearing a suit in those before times.

If those early days were actually early years, then many more must have passed since then. Whatever the case may be, we can deduce that on the original day zero, he must’ve come into this desert after there was a morning earthquake which opened up the cave hiding a time paradox. I’d speculate it was at night after the wedding—perhaps he even was on a drunken bender after discovering Misty (Meredith Hagner) was cheating on him? In any event, he entered the cave and I’d guess the next 40 or 50 years remained much the same ever since… just long enough for him to forget what he even did for a job in the way, way back.

Roy

While we only discover Roy’s full story late in the movie. Roy is a man who married (or remarried) late in life and started a family even later. But despite all that time to reflect on the transience of existence, he still was missing his early wilder days when he made a fateful drive from Irvine down to Palm Springs, California. He’d regret it.

Seeing Nyles as simply someone stuck in a funk like himself at the bar, Roy laments that marriage is a bottomless pit that, somehow, still has a bottom. He also tries to relive glory days by doing drugs with the much younger man. As a consequence, Nyles introduces the cousin of the groom’s daddy to a cave that both condemns and improves the old guy. Oh sure, Roy periodically lets out his bloodlust every few weeks by driving down to Palm Springs to hunt Nyles for sport and then go Jigsaw on him, but by and large, he spends more time living his suburban life until he can finally appreciate it.

If he met Nyles in the “early days,” then Roy has been trapped in the time loop almost as long as Samberg’s protagonist. So I’d again speculate years or decades have passed. But it’s also been long enough for even this old man to finally grow up and really appreciate the prospect of spending family time with his children and seeing them come of age. Living long enough to regret not paying the kids enough attention, Roy may yet be able to do the whole father “thing” right when he gets out of the time loop and comes back home. Which thanks to the post-credits scene, we know is only a matter of time.

Sarah

And yet, it’s the introduction of Sarah into the timeline that really sets events in motion for both hapless man-children she’s stuck in this loop with. Indeed, the plot only begins on the particular trip around the loop in which she follows Nyles into the cave.

Making Sarah the catalyst for everything that comes afterward also allows Palm Springs to lightly interrogate aspects of the undeniable classic Groundhog Day. In that movie, Bill Murray’s Phil Connors spends most of his decades (or centuries) in the time loop trying to court his co-worker Rita Hanson (Andie MacDowell) and get her into bed. While he never succeeds until the end of the film, where he isn’t trying and has actually displayed true enlightenment and self-betterment, he is still rewarded with her love in a single day… all while she’s oblivious to the fact he’s studied her like a cross between a stalker and anthropologist for years. He also has slept around the small town they’re trapped in.

Despite Nyles’ protestations to the contrary in Palm Springs, he likewise did sleep with Sarah apparently many times (he uses the word a “thousand”). The reason she can be shocked that he’s only slept with a handful of people at the wedding and local bar is because he viewed her as an easy mark, time and again, when he was feeling horny. He also was using an invisible position of power over the timeline to manipulate her, just as Phil attempted to manipulate Rita, and did successfully manipulate other women in Groundhog Day.

The grossness of this act is brought out into the glaring light of day in Palm Springs with Sarah distancing herself from Nyles for the remainder of the movie’s second act, effectively ghosting him for his creepiness. Her character also challenges the simplicity of Groundhog Day’s ending, because being a better person does not necessarily equate to a “Get Out of Jail Free” card. But then one could argue Sarah isn’t being a better person when she tells her sister on her wedding day that she slept with the groom the night before—and only to please some God she hopes is watching.

But Sarah is also incredibly flawed. As she mentioned, she’s already made plenty of mistakes that felt like she was living on autopilot before the time loop. She married a dude she knew wasn’t right for her, even before he proposed, and still went through with it, hurting both their lives with the brief, ugly marriage that followed. And rather than reach toward actual self-improvement, she self-destructively pursued a one night stand with her sister’s fiancé the night of the rehearsal dinner.

It is her own failings that allow her to eventually see Nyles and their situation clearly…

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End of Day

Which is why it’s Sarah who brings an end to the time loop in the movie. Unlike Nyles or Roy, she doesn’t wallow in complacency but attempts to solve a problem, using what is at least months if not years to become a pseudo-expert in quantum physics. Ironically, this is made possible by the fact she slept with the groom the night before. For this reason, she always wakes up early in the day before Nyles does—as she originally awakened to get out of his room without being seen—and leaves the ranch house while Nyles is still fast asleep.

Eventually Sarah realizes that the three-plus second quantum leap they all make to restart their time loop is actually a trip through a literal hole in space time…. one that can theoretically be escaped. While the logic of using C4 to escape said time loop by literally blasting their bodies out of the loop seems dubious at best—wouldn’t they still be blowing themselves up even if it worked?—it creates a narrative excuse to bring the movie’s larger themes to a head.

Most pertinently this includes the sad truth about Nyles: He enjoys the regression of being trapped in this time loop and he’d rather spend eternity reliving the same day and same dippy wedding than face the uncertainty of living his life… or growing up. This is highlighted throughout the movie in the way his preference is to spend eternity in shorts and perpetually drunk with a beer can in hand. While Roy is furious he’s trapped in this loop when he realizes he’ll never see his children grow up, Nyles is cool with never seeing his children or, hell, even his dog again.

In fact, it’s kind of damning to note he never mentioned his dog to his new girlfriend, a woman he claims to love, after spending months or years with her. Such shallowness suggests he really isn’t growing up; he’s just afraid of spending eternity alone. Hence my serious doubts about Nyles and Sarah being a long-term couple.

She previously talked about not wanting to relive the same mistakes again and again, and that was in reference to her marrying a man she knew was wrong for her. Nyles’ desperation was enough to get him to accept he should grow older and not remain in the arrested development many millennials are accused of embracing, but it was a reluctant decision. Methinks when she is outside the loop and has the “millions of other options” of men besides Nyles out there… this ain’t going to last for an eternity.

The post Palm Springs Timeline Explained appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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oilskirt7-blog · 5 years

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer Rewatch: Consequences

The Scoobies are good at fighting monsters, but they're terrible at planning interventions. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 3 Episode 15 showed that they only made things worse for the Faith situation.

With a little more care and planning, they could've gotten through to her. I believed it when I was eight years old; and I still believe it now after rewatching again. They completely fumbled in convincing her to trust them.

Let's discuss why by rewatching "Consequences."

Faith's and Buffy's reactions to the murder shed some light on their personalities.

Whereas Buffy was wracked with guilt and having nightmares, Faith brushed it off and internalized her pain. The secret weighed too heavy on Buffy's conscious to not be addressed.

That's not to say Faith didn't have a conscious. She absolutely did! On the other hand, survival was more important to her. As long as she didn't get in trouble or hurt, she would be fine living life five-by-five.

Still, Faith did feel guilty about the murder and what she had done. She just didn't want to open those emotional wounds and have to face the consequences.

To get the truth out of her, everything would need to rely on the approach. "Consequences" featured tactics that only made things worse, but there were a few that could've worked with time and slight changes.

Buffy appealing to Faith's emotions wasn't going to work.

Faith had already made a logical conclusion to herself about the attack. You could hear it in her words in the classroom, on the street, and when they broke into the deputy mayor's office. Faith had justified the murder as an accident while being on the job.

Related: Enjoy UNLIMITED access to thousands of Movies and TV shows with Amazon Prime Video. WATCH ANYWHERE. CANCEL ANYTIME!

That type of argument would naturally be the first one someone would go to after a traumatic moment. So, it's understandable why Buffy tried to reason with Faith to feel sympathy for the crime.

The problem, however, was that Faith didn't want to hear any of it.

Sticking to the story of it being an accident was the only way she was going to make it through. And yes, the death was an accident, but her truth to the world was that she wasn't there. To herself, all of it was simply a casualty of the job.

Unless Faith started feeling guilty herself, Buffy's words would fall on silence.

Part of it also could've been the fact that Buffy was the one delivering the argument.

The Slayers had a secret together that would've implicated them in a crime. If Faith was going down, you better believe she would do anything to take Buffy down with her. She basically said as much in the classroom.

Plus, even though the two were friends, Faith did have a touch of jealousy and animosity towards Buffy. Having the truth come out that the "bad girl" Faith committed the crime would've reinforced her inner narrative that Buffy was perfect and she was the mistake.

Faith's retorts had a tone of frustration and malice toward Buffy.

Mayor Wilkins: This isn't working. Mr. Trick: It's supposed to do something besides shred paper? Mayor Wilkins: It's supposed to cheer me up it what it's supposed to do. Why in the world would Allan leave a paper trail a mile long about our dealings? You think he was going to betray me? Oh no, that's a horrible thought! Now he's dead and I'll never have the chance to, well ... scold him and find out.

The intervention with the Scoobies had the most positive potential. It's a shame that this tactic never came to be because it could have worked.

Faith held a deeply rooted paranoia that none of the Scoobies were her friends, and that they looked down on her because she wasn't perfect Buffy. By having the core group reinforce that they would stick by her and help her, Faith would've allowed herself to trust them.

The Scoobies wanted to help her, and Faith wanted to feel like she belonged.

Another supporting piece to having this intervention would've been Giles explaining the process of past Slayers. As he mentioned to the group, human casualties happened before in the line of fire. If Faith worked with the Scoobies, she would have had options and could get the help she needed to deal with the death.

Her reactions stemmed from a need for survival. If she felt supported, she wouldn't act so defensively and uncaring.

We can look to two reasons why this tactic never came to be: (1) The Scoobies didn't tell Wesley about the chat, and (2) Xander not knowing the meaning of a casual hook-up.

Don't get me wrong, Xander thought he was legitimately doing the right thing. He was 17/18 years old, so basically, a teenage boy who just lost his virginity. He thought he had a deeper connection with Faith because of that moment.

We can give him the benefit of the doubt here. (For those who are shocked right now, yes, I did just defend Xander. There are first times for everything.)

Related: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Rewatch: Bad Girls

On the other hand, if Buffy and Giles gave ample warning about not playing the "romance" card with Faith, Xander should have heeded that advice. Faith didn't respect the hook-ups she had, and Xander's chat would've meant nothing.

His reckless late night visit to the motel nearly got him killed because of it.

Wesley: Does everybody know about you? Buffy: She's a friend. Cordelia: Let's not exaggerate.

Also, poor Willow! How could you not feel her heartbreak in the bathroom? The entire Xander crush had caused nothing but pain and sorrow for her.

Luckily, she got out of that romantic mess once and for all after they were discovered. If this heartache was the final nail that ended this storyline, it was better to have it in the long-run than continue a plot that was too destructive.

Eliza Dushku's performance during Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 3 Episode 15 might be one of her best ever.

The pathway of emotions felt like a roller coaster because she seamlessly took us from anger to seduction to sadness and back again in the span of an hour. Her character development broke through every emotional response triggered by her guilt.

You could tell from her tone and expression that she loved getting into the mind of Evil Faith.

The "black widow" scene with Xander in the motel felt unhinged and raw. Faith's progression from reluctance to seductive to murderous happened quickly before our eyes, and the transition felt natural to the character. She embraced her villainous side in that scene.

Related: David Boreanaz Defends Buffy Reboot: What Did He Say?

The suffocation was a shocking twist you didn't expect to happen; it's one of the few times where Buffy the Vampire Slayer caught us off-guard without any warning.

You hoped for a redemption for Faith, but when she started choking Xander, the harsh reality hit: Faith enjoyed the pain and power too much. She became a character who wouldn't resist killing off the main characters, and that was a scary concept. It didn't take until the Angel therapy session to truly break down barriers.

You and me, Faith, we're a lot alike. Time was, I thought humans existed just to hurt each other. But then I came here. And I found out that there are other types of people. People who genuinely wanted to do right. And they make mistakes. And they fall down. You know, but they keep caring. Keep trying. If you can trust us, Faith, this can all change. You don't have to disappear into the darkness.

Angel

Angel and Faith's friendship was one of the more underappreciated relationships. Only until the spin-off Angel (and the graphic novels) did this friendship get the attention it deserved.

If they had a little more time together, he could've gotten through to her.

Wesley had to come in and ruin the day like he always did. If they had warned him, he probably wouldn't have called the Watchers Council. Especially if Cordelia was the one to ask him, he totally wouldn't have done anything.

Wesley: My. She's cheeky, isn't she? Faith: Uh, first word: jail. Second word: bait.

Faith seemed so receptive to his words, and she also seemed ready to chat about it with Buffy at the docks. They were both so close to making a breakthrough, but something kept interrupting them at the worst times.

We have to look at it as fate.

Fate needed Mr. Trick to die so that Faith would assume the job opening. Faith needed to be working with Mayor Wilkins so that the Scoobies would eventually fight him. And these betrayals would lead to Faith's redemption.

It's a shame that Faith couldn't have stayed on the side of good, but I wouldn't trade some of the great chapters that came from her switch to the dark side. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 3 was better off because of it.

What did you think of "Consequences"? Would you have handled the Faith situation differently? Was Xander's heart in the right place? Should the Scoobies have looped Wesley into the plan?

Want to join us in rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer? We'll be posting new rewatch posts on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Come back here and share your thoughts of the episode in the comments.

Justin Carreiro is a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow him on Twitter.

Source: https://www.tvfanatic.com/2018/10/buffy-the-vampire-slayer-rewatch-consequences/

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beacon-of-chaos · 7 years

Text

Defenders of Aura 2 - A Battle Century G Sequel

We return to our regularly scheduled prison breakout, already in progress. Fauna finds herself frustrated with her magic being blocked and tries to find a way around it. A couple of us suggest she simply cut off the arm with the implant in it but for some reason this idea doesn't appeal to her. An idea occurs to her however; the implant blocks manifestations of magic, but not necessarily the flow of mana in the body. It's possible she can divert her mana around the body in such as way as to numb the arm containing the implant, effectively negating its effect. This will leave her with a useless arm but it's better than cutting it off. A lucky willpower roll releases her magic and even leaves her arm functional, though weakened. Katari creates a distraction long enough for Fauna to get to Lucis and heal him. Fauna then uses her magic to create a portal between the potted plant she was holding and another she can see on the other side of the guards. She and Lucis teleport across, where Katari is pinned down. Fauna heals his wounds as best she can and Katari then proceeds to seal the door where the guards are by bending the metal with his bare hands. Badass. Luckily, they now appear to be near a medbay, so they pick up some supplies before heading towards the hanger. A voice begins speaking over the tannoy. It's the cult leader (I forgot his name) who encourages his followers to rise up and defend the prison against the military who have been alerted to the break out and are coming to put a stop to it. Sinclair attempts to trace the location, only to find that the voice is a recording. The hanger is well guarded now and while Bloody Mary and Amir are able to hold off the guards there's no way we can advance. Sinclair hears the voice of his mysterious friend, who he has dubbed "Space Face". Space Face: You were brought to life through the blood of your planet. There are others out there that can also be brought to life. Reach out to them. Sinclair concentrates and sure enough he detects that there are other robots nearby. Just two: a large loader bot and a human-sized welder bot. The GM says they are left over from when this place used to be a factory (that explains some things). Both are broken and rusty but Sinclair gets the feeling that they want to move again. He focuses his strange new power on them and sure enough they begin to stand. GM: You can issue one order to them. Sinclair: These people are trying to kill us! Stop them! The robots get to work, attacking the guards who are completely blind-sided. Emboldened by the sudden help, Amir and Mary begin moving forwards, using as much cover as they are able. Kirt, the teenage hacker, on the other hand, decides the best solution is to run straight at the turret with no cover. GM: He's going to get himself killed. Sinclair: Well, it was nice knowing him. Who was he again? The GM informs him that the only way to get to him in time to save him would involve moving the robots in between Kirt and the turret, sacrificing them. Sinclair hits on another idea. There's one big robot and one little robot. Fastball special, anyone? Of course the GM makes Sinclair roll for the robots in question, but he rolls a measely 4. The little robot makes it to the turret, but doesn't survive the journey. Oops. Still, the turret is thrown off its aim enough to avoid hitting the kid. The rest of the fight works out well and we make it into the hanger at the same time as the others. GM: There are four ships- Lucis: Excellent! We can split them between us- GM: Two of which are on fire- Lucis: Well, okay we can still take two- GM: And one of which is being boarded by the cultist and his gang. Lucis: Yeah, okay. The cult leader takes off before we get to the ships. Lucis radios Zack to try and see if he can get the prison air defences to take out the cultist's ship but it looks like the defences are now down. Zack suggests we get to the remaining ship and shoot down cultist guy ourselves. Sinclair ponders why we are doing so until Lucis and Katari point out that this guy asked his followers to basically throw themselves at a much stronger military force in defence of a building that he himself is now running away from. We board our ship and Lucis asks who intends to pilot it. Sinclair: I can do it! Plug me in, cheif! Sinclair's head is plugged into the control console and Katari co-pilots while Lucis and Spectre man the weapons. We take some shots at the cultist ship but he's able to boost away without a scratch. Military interceptors then turn up, forcing us to retreat, though Sinclair is able to crit his piloting check and we get away with ease. We set course for a town where one of Lucis' contacts, Karen, has agreed to meet us. While we are on the way, Spectre gets to work creating a new body for Sinclair, using parts from the powered armours the guards at the prison used. By the time we land, the robot has a brand new shiny body, possibly better than the old one. Several hours later, we land in the forests outside of town. We decide that we need info and supplies so Lucis determines the best way to do this is pick up rumours at a local bar. He was, until recently, a student so he uses his keen bar senses to find the most appropriate one. Of course, we need disguises. Lucis and Spectre put on guard uniforms from the prison, while Sinclair already makes a passable military droid Lucis: We should also get him some paint in town. GM: Okay. What colour? Fauna: Red and gold! Sinclair: Yes! Katari wants to come too, but his injuries are still not fully healed. Fauna forces him to stay behind so she can patch him up. There's only so much magic can do. So Lucis, Spectre and Sinclair head to the bar. On the way, Sinclair plugs in to a public terminal and decides to try and fix his programming errors by downloading firmware updates. Curiously, the GM tells him that with the way his systems are, he shouldn't actually be able to function as he is. Downloading the updates feels odd, like "dying and being reborn, while staying awake". The bar in question is quiet, only a few patrons sitting in their own corners. It's at this point we remember that we have no money, so we find a table with some half-finished drinks and sit down, hoping no one will say anything. There's a news report on the TV that we listen to. There is already news about the prison breakout. Unusually, there is no mention of us at all, or even pictures. Instead, the cult leader is the one getting the screen time. This should be good for us but there's something very fishy about the whole thing. Afterwards there's a message from the new leader of Camelot. It's basically a propaganda piece justifying the coup the ousted the previous preseident, claiming that the war against China was illegal and harming Camelot citizens. It's a speach full of xenophobia and nationalism and mid-way through one of the other patrons, a shabby-looking woman, throws her cup at the TV and yells obscenities. A bouncer gets up to throw her out, but Lucis takes initiative. Lucis: Leave this one to us. We're the military and that sounded a lot like anti-government sentiment to us. We'll deal with her. Lucis gets a great check on his deception roll, and the bouncer not only allows us to take her away, but gives us a little bit of cash out of respect. As we're carrying her, she passes out. The GM then asks us for awareness rolls. Sinclair is the only one who makes the roll. GM: *to Spectre* I can't believe you didn't notice this. It's Orion. Your girlfriend! Spectre: Well, she wasn't exactly my girlfriend... Sinclair: Facial recognition software for the win! We get Orion back to the ship and wait for her to sober up a bit. When she comes to, she tells us that she was able to get on an evacuation transport leaving Aura when the Chinese attacked. She had hoped that Camelot would have done more to help her, but when the Auran refugees started getting arrested, she set out on her own. She tells us that she'd planned to rescue us herself, though exactly how is not clear. Unfortunately she ran out of money and had turned to stealing drinks to cope. Things only got worse when she saw an advert broadcast from Aura. She brings it up on a console, showing us an image of Ax. With a new band. Sinclair and Spectre are fairly convinced that this must be some sort of trick, as the last they'd head of Ax was that he was in jail and heavily drugged to supress his powers. Orion doesn't sound convinced. Sinclair asks about the other members of Break the Abyss but Orion doesn't know what happened to them, assuming they are dead or captured. She did hear about where Delta Team's mechs were taken, however. Some kind of military base not too far from here. It's around now that we get a knock at the door. It's Karen, Lucis' contact (and by all accounts, the brains behind the resistance). We talk about our options and mention getting the mechs. It seems like our best option for fighting back. Spectre, on the other hand, has been looking into information on his father, Victor. It turns out that he had a research base here on Camelot and it was the last place he was seen before he disappeared. He insists that he wants to check it out, not really caring about the whole resistance thing. Sinclair agrees that it's important to check out, having pledged to help Spectre find his father before. The android also has his own reason for going: Victor was researching dark space before he vanished. Sinclair believes this research could be the key to finding out why he is still able to function despite his programming effectively being unusuable, as well as the origin of Space Face. The team agrees that this would be a good place to look, but that getting the mechs is the best place to start, making everything else easier. With Karen's help we begin making a plan... Session ends. Bonus quotes: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/shows...&postcount=473

#battle century g #campaign diary #mecha #sci-fi #longpost

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natg1rl-blog · 7 years

Text

Gut Instinct

Chapter Four of ‘Little Black Book’.

I was grounded for a couple of weeks after that night, confined to the four walls of my bedroom, feeling nothing other than sorry for myself. I was somewhat lucky that I could still see my friends at school, but mum made a point of picking me up at 3:15 every single day to make sure that I couldn’t go anywhere. A couple of days after meeting Joe, Sally had told me that they were a couple. I had no idea how she was managing to keep her real identity a secret, she even had her entire family playing along.

That next Friday night I was in my room watching TV when I could hear loud whispering outside of my window. I put the TV on mute, wondering who was creeping so close to our house that I could literally hear them from my bed. I crept over to my window to see if I could hear them any better, and I could have sworn I heard someone say Sarah. In that moment an unexpected tap on my window startled me enough to jump back. After the initial shock, this prompted me to move the curtain slightly in order to peek out. I was surprised to see Joe and Anthony standing right there in plain sight.

‘What the hell?’ I said to myself, letting go of the curtain and heading out of my room toward the front door.

It was about 11pm and luckily both my mum and brother were in bed. When I opened my bedroom door however, I was shocked to see mum standing in her own door way. Her room was down the hall but directly opposite mine.

‘Who is knocking on your window Bella?’ She questioned with that same fury in her eyes.

How did she possibly hear that?

‘It’s Joe and Anthony; can I please see what they want?’ I asked knowing full well that I was pressing my luck.

I had told mum a little bit about the boys after that night so it’s not like their names were strangers to her ears. Mum didn’t say anything, all she did was turn around and shut the door behind her. So I took that as a yes. When I opened the front door both Joe and Anthony were making their way up the front steps.

‘Hey Sarah.’ Joe greeted politely as he gave me a hug.

It felt good. As soon as he let go I was left susceptible to the freezing cold air. I folded my arms to try and keep warm. I was wearing red short-shorts and a blue Winnie the Pooh T-Shirt. I had a Winnie the Pooh T-Shirt because I was thirteen… most definitely not sixteen!

‘Hi Anthony.’ I greeted.

He stood awkwardly behind Joe as though he were shy or something.

‘Hi.’ He replied softly, almost like he really didn’t want to be there.

‘What are you guys doing here?’ I wondered.

‘Bonnie said you were grounded, we felt bad for you.’ Joe explained.

It was kind of sweet, but he being at my door at 11 o’ clock at night wasn’t helping the situation. I smiled at him.

‘Yeah, sucks.’

‘I’m sorry if we got you into trouble.’ Joe apologized sincerely.

‘It’s okay; it’s not your fault. Although I can’t stay here for too long, my mum knows you’re here so I’m pretty sure she’s pissed off at me again.’

‘Okay we won’t stay; I don’t want you getting into anymore trouble.’

Anthony remained quiet.

‘How long are you grounded for?’ Joe added.

I shrug my shoulders.

‘A couple weeks.’ I guessed.

Mum didn’t ground me often and somehow I didn’t think it would stick.

‘Lame. We’ll catch up soon?’ Joe hoped.

‘Sure.’ I replied while the boys took the hint and headed back down the steps.

They both said goodbye unanimously. I went back inside and shut out the cold air.

The next morning the phone rang and to my surprise Sal was on the other end. I thought that whatever she was calling about must have been important because she knew that I was grounded, and that meant from the phone too. Mum generously let me talk to her but warned me not to be long.

‘Hello?’ I answered, even though I knew who it was.

‘Hi.’ She replied in a certain tone that led me to more suspicion.

‘What’s up?’ I wondered.

‘I have something important to tell you,’ she went on, ‘I had a visit from Anthony last night.’

I momentarily cut in.

‘Yeah, the boys stopped by my place last night too.’

‘I know, this was much later and Joe wasn’t with him,’ she continued to explain; ‘He really likes you Bella.’

I stood a little limp for a minute, trying to process that information. That must have been why he was being so awkward the night before.

‘Eww?’ I responded.

Sally Laughed.

‘Oh that’s not all… apparently Joe told Anthony that he had planned to get one of us into bed...’

‘What?’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Always go with your first impression, it’s a result of a gut instinct.

‘What are you going to do?’ I asked.

‘I already spoke to him this morning. We broke up.’ She told me.

I was still surprised to hear about the turning of events. Although I was getting a vibe off Joe that indicated he was also into me.

‘Good,’ I admitted, ‘I mean if he had succeeded he could have gone to jail.’

‘I know.’

‘So what did he say?’ I wondered.

‘He kind of just laughed at me.’ She explained.

What a weirdo.

‘He laughed at you?’

‘Yeah…’

‘Did you tell him I want nothing to do with him?’ I asked.

‘Yeah, I made sure he knew not to bother you as well. I figured you would feel that way when I told you.’

‘Okay. Thank you.’

‘I should probably let you go, how much longer are you grounded for?’ She wondered.

‘I dunno, hopefully mum gets over it soon. I can already tell she’s starting to cave.’

Sally laughed once more.

‘Okay, I’ll see you at school on Monday.’

‘Sounds good. Bye.’

As I hung up the phone I began to process what Sal had just told me. I hoped that Anthony wasn’t going to be making any more surprise visits to her house, or mine for that matter. He was so far from my type it’s not even funny. So just like that, all in an instant, it was the end of Joe and Anthony and, to my immediate relief, the end of Bonnie and Sarah.

My grounding was lifted a few days after my phone call with Sally, advising me that Joe had turned out to be a typical ass hat dropkick dole-bludger. I was so relieved that I had gotten my life back. You don’t realize how much freedom you actually have until you have four walls surrounding you and you go stir crazy enough to start having conversations with stuffed animals. All punishment aside, one regular boring robotic morning I got ready for school and made my way down to the bus stop. Sally wasn’t able to catch the bus that day because she had an appointment before school, and although we didn’t speak often, Sam always seemed to be on the bus which was good in particular cases like this when I didn’t have to feel like a loner. When I approached the bus stop something caught my eye, other than Sam’s terrible taste in fashion. There was a young guy waiting for the bus, a guy I had never seen waiting for the bus before, and for some reason I had this immediate attraction towards him. I had no idea if he felt it too, but there was something about him that I couldn’t put my finger on. It were as though I just knew he was meant to be in my life somehow.

He was attractive of course, looked about my age… Dark hair, dark eyes, slicked back hair. He looked very sharp in his suit and tie and my first thought was, where is he going and why wouldn’t he be in school? I didn’t think he would be going for a job interview if he was only thirteen, you can’t legally start working until fourteen and a half. Perhaps he was older after all. When our bus pulled in I couldn’t help but be thankful this boy was getting onto the same one as Sam and I. He took his seat first so he sat towards the middle of the bus. I was behind Sam and low and behold she conveniently picked the seat directly behind this boy. I tried to look at him without staring but our eyes met a couple of times and we did the awkward, ‘pretend I didn’t see you looking at me’ dance.

‘Damn he’s sexy.’ Sam tried to whisper.

I had a feeling she was checking him out too. Anyone would have thought this boy was good looking; he just had this sex appeal about him. I looked over at Sam with a concerned glance. I couldn’t believe she had said that, he would have most definitely heard it.

‘What?’ She asked innocently, ‘don’t you think he’s sexy?’ She said once more, this time much louder.

My face turned bright red and I was so thankful he was in front of us and unable to see my reaction.

‘I don’t know,’ I lied, ‘I don’t know him.’

I tried to change the subject but somehow Sam continued to bring it back to him.

‘I don’t want to go to school now.’ She joked, alluding to the fact she wanted to follow this guy to his destination. Or perhaps the better word for it is stalk.

I was somewhat thankful when our bus pulled into the stop just before our school. We got off before the boy and I stupidly turned back to glance at him one more time. In that moment our eyes met again and I felt the attraction from his end too. That entire day all I could do was daydream about ‘the boy from the bus’. I had no idea what the point was, I felt as though it was a lost cause because I wasn’t likely to see him again... unless of course he was on the bus the next day which I only hoped were the case. The next day at school Sally was able to catch the bus with us again I knew that she was hoping the boy would be waiting there one more time so that she could see what all the fuss was about. I had literally not stopped talking about him since the morning prior. To my internal delight the boy was waiting at the stop once again, and might I add, still looking as gorgeous as ever.

‘You’re totally right, he’s a hottie.’ Sally agreed.

The boy sat in front of us again so typically all we did was talk about him once more behind is back, only we were a bit further behind him this time so we were able to be discrete about it. I hated myself for the fact I wasn’t confident enough to go up and introduce myself to him. I felt as though I was letting an opportunity pass me by. I let a whole new day at school drag past while my heart lingered for this boy I didn’t even know. It was starting to make me feel depressed that I wanted something so badly that I knew I may never have.

That day after school Sally was over at my place. When I heard a knock at my front door I looked at her with a puzzled expression because I wasn’t expecting anybody else. Mum and Gale were out so I got off my bed and made my way toward the front door while Sal trailed close behind. When I opened the door I was a little surprised to see Sam standing there.

‘Umm, hi...’ I said a little more rudely than I intended.

‘Hey!’ She responded with a cheeky grin plastered across her face.

What was she up to?

‘Do you want to come down to the park?’ She asked us.

I wasn’t really keen. Sam and I weren’t the closest of friends and she had never stopped by for a surprise visit before so I wasn’t too sure why she was so eager to hang out all of a sudden.

‘Why?’ Is the only word that came out of my mouth before I had the opportunity to think before I spoke.

‘Well… you know that really hot guy from the bus?’ She prodded.

My stomach dropped. Oh my god.

‘Yeah...’ I barely managed, kind of already knowing what she was about to say.

‘He’s outside.’

They were two words I never thought I’d hear in a million years.

‘What?’ I demanded, while Sal stayed quiet behind me.

I didn’t really believe her until she stood aside and I saw him for myself. The boy from the bus was definitely outside of my house. He had a friend with him at the time and he looked so different in casual clothes. Still scorching hot though.

‘Can you give us five minutes?’ I asked Sam, more so rhetorically than anything.

‘Yeah sure, we’ll see you down there.’

I had absolutely no idea how this was even possible but I needed time to prepare. I ran back toward my room squealing at the top of my lungs. I surprised myself at how excited I was about this. I touched up my mascara and applied a brown lip gloss before putting on a blue hoodie and prancing out the door, Sally on side.

As we reached the park my heart began to race hard in my chest. Sal and I approached Sam and the boys and the kid was just breaking my heart with how hot he was. I wanted him so badly, more than I had wanted anything else in my life.

‘Hi.’ Sam greeted first before turning to the boys for an introduction.

The boy from the bus spoke as I stood there nervously.

‘Hey, I’m Ben and this is my friend Tim.’ The boy from the bus had a name.

I didn’t give a shit about Tim; all I could see was Ben. Sally and Sam didn’t even exist to me right now.

‘I’m Bella and this is Sally.’ I introduced us before Sally had the opportunity to lie about our names again.

I knew for a fact this boy was one that I didn’t want to lie to.

Ben’s smile melted my soul. This truly started to make me believe in love at first sight.

‘So how did this even happen?’ I joked, looking at both Ben and Sam for an answer.

Ben stood there and laughed to himself quietly and let Sam explain.

‘Well when you guys walked home today I still caught the bus and Ben was on it, so I sat next to him and we got to talking.’

I was envious of her confidence.

‘Oh.’ Was all I could really say.

The silence became momentarily awkward.

‘Anyway I’ve gotta go.’ Sam advised us all ever so casually.

I thought it was weird considering we had literally just gotten there.

‘What, why?’ I demanded.

I really didn’t care.

‘I’ve just gotta be home for dinner, but I’ll come back out after.’

I shrugged my shoulders and let her go on her merry way. She said goodbye to the group and the four of us were left standing there wondering what to do. Sam, whilst a little weird, was also our buffer.

‘She’s strange.’ I joked to the two of them.

Sal and Tim stayed awfully quiet.

After about half an hour down at the park getting somewhat acquainted, we decided not to wait for Sam and instead made our way back toward my house. Soon after we arrived Tim had to go home for dinner so all that were left was me, Sal and Ben. I kind of wanted to be alone with Ben to see if there was a romantic connection between us, which I could already feel on my end, but I knew that there would be no way Sally would leave before Ben. She would want to debrief on the entire afternoon.

Mum came home around 8pm, drunk off her face. Luckily she wasn’t angry drunk, she was friendly drunk so her and Ben got off on a good foot. Awkwardly he was wearing a Soccer jersey and mum hated Soccer. Ben then did the cutest thing and decided to go home and change his shirt before returning 10 minutes later. Like I already didn’t like him enough before he did that. I was surprised to learn that Ben only lived a block away from my house. This whole time someone like that was only sleeping about 10 houses from mine, it was almost hard to believe. At around 11 o’ clock Ben called it a night. He lived with his mum and his step dad, both of whom were quite strict so seeing it was a weeknight he couldn’t stay out much later than that. I learned that he was doing work experience for the week, hence the outfit and the bus every day.

Ben went to St. Rhices High school which was only about 15 minutes drive from my school. It was also the same school where Sally, Joe and I attempted to use their pool that night. I enjoyed the fact that I liked a boy from another school; the whole idea of it was edgy and mysterious. When we said goodnight I felt as though I could have spent hours more talking to him and getting to know him but something was telling me there would be plenty of time for that. Just before Sally went home for the night she did ask me what I thought though, and my response….? I think I’m in love.

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