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seven-oomen · 3 years

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If You Are Going Through Hell, Keep Going

These are the words that Marin Morrell – Druid, Emissary, Guidance Counselor – says to Stiles Stilinski in “Battlefield” (02x11) And I think they suit his character just perfectly, because Stiles has been going through Hell all his life.

The Teen Wolf Fandom don’t talk nearly enough about Stiles’ traumas, so I’ll try my best to do it myself *I won’t even remotely touch on the Void Stiles, Dark Stiles, Donovan and the Nogitsune trauma though, because it’s extremely complex and deserves its own Meta*

It’s Canon that Noah was an alcoholic (as Rafael pointed out to Stiles in 03x11 Alpha Pact), that he neglected and lashed out at his own child (Stiles’ memory in 02x09 Party Guessed), and that Stiles was verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by his mentally ill mother, Claudia, throughout his childhood (there’s a whole magnificently acted, heart wrenching scene about it with flashbacks and all in 05x06 Required Reading.) It’s Canon that Stiles had to take care of himself and of his father before AND after Claudia’s death. And it’s Canon that Stiles – who was only an eight years old child at the time – was at the hospital with his mother when she died, nobody else:

[Teen Wolf Season 3 Episode 11, Alpha Pact]

CHRIS: You knew… I remember meeting you once, before you were Sheriff. You questioned me about a body. You knew something was up. You just weren’t ready to believe it.

NOAH: You’re right. There was a night eight years ago… the night my wife died. I was at the end of a shift, and a call came in. There had been a pile-up, and a young woman… she was a teenager, actually. She was trapped under an overturned car. We had to wait for the paramedics. We were never getting her out, but I was able to hold her hand. She knew she was gonna die. But I just kept telling her “No, no, listen. The paramedics are on their way.” And then I remember her hand suddenly gripped mine so tightly that I literally thought she was gonna break the bones. And she looked me in the eyes, and she said “If you wanna be with her, go now.” And I knew she was talking about my wife… But then that other part of my brain — the part that looks for clues, for fingerprints, for logical connections… that part told me that there is no way that this girl could possibly know about Claudia. And so I stayed. I stayed until the paramedics pulled her out. Until her heart stopped beating and they declared her dead.

NOAH: When I finally got to the hospital, I saw Stiles sitting in the waiting room with his head in his hands… He was with Claudia when she died.

NOAH: But I wasn’t. I wasn’t with her because I didn’t believe… I just did not believe.

It’s also Canon that Derek Hale is a rape victim and that the hunters slaughtered Derek, Cora and Peter’s entire pack/family (including humans and children.) And it’s Canon that Stiles immediately sides with the Hales and openly confronts Chris about what Kate had done to the Hales in 01x12, Code Breaker:

CHRIS: Let me ask you a question, Stiles. Have you ever seen a rabid dog?

STILES: No. I could put it on my to-do list, if you just let me go.

CHRIS: Well, I have. And the only thing I’ve ever been able to compare it to is seeing a friend of mine turn on a full moon. Do you wanna know what happened?

STILES: Not really. No offense to your storytelling skills.

CHRIS: He tried to kill me, and I was forced to put a bullet in his head. The whole while that he lay there dying, he was still trying to claw his way toward me, still trying to kill me, like it was the most important thing he could do with his last breath. Can you imagine that?

STILES: No. And it sounds like you need to be a little bit more select—

CHRIS: Did Scott try to kill you on the full moon? Did you have to lock him up?

STILES: Yeah, I did. I had to handcuff him to a radiator. Why? Would you prefer I locked him in the basement and burned the whole house down around him?

CHRIS: I hate to dispel a popular rumor, Stiles, but we never did that.

STILES: Oh, right. Derek said you guys had a code. I guess no one ever breaks it.

CHRIS: Never!

STILES: What if someone does?

CHRIS: Someone like who?

STILES: Your sister.

Unlike self-proclaimed hero and ruler of Beacon Hills Scott McCall, who immediately sides with the Argents and tells Derek Hale that his family deserved to be burnt alive by the hunters in front of his comatose uncle………..

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I feel like there is a lot to unpack on Stiles’s trauma. And I will go over these moments one by one, why they’re damaging, what I think the context of the scene is supposed to represent ft how people might take it. And what my personal thoughts are regarding Stiles’s trauma.

First of, I would like to say that the following words are my take on this. I am a 29 year old trans man of caucasian descend who is an domestic violence and abuse survivor. I am diagnosed with ADHD since 12 and diagnosed with CPTSD since this year. I understand trauma and I understand what it does to people. But I am not a professional. I am a fan, who’s responding to the submission of another, anonymous, fan.

You are completely free to have your own takes on this matter and your own headcanons. That’s what fandom is for.

That said, I would love to have a discussion if you can have it peacefully.

Stiles is a character who was (Unwillingly) neglected, emotionally traumatized and both emotionally and verbally abused by both of his parents. There is even evidence of physical abuse by his mother.

I think it does need to be said, that neither of his parents intended for this to happen. What happened in the Stilinski family was by and large a very traumatic event for everyone involved.

Noah is an alcoholic, as Stiles also confirms in the episode that Noah never really stopped drinking. His alcoholism is a result of his own traumas and possible ND mind and an unhealthy coping mechanism.

As a result of this, Noah most likely was verbally and emotionally abusive during his drunken tirades.

I personally think that before Claudia was diagnosed and got sick Stiles had a good childhood. His parents tried their best to be good parents for him and laid a good foundation for him. This is evidenced in the bond Stiles seems to have with his father in general. He’s not afraid of his father, he’s nervous about consequences. But he never gives off a vibe to me that truly says; I fear this man and I have to stay in line to stay alive.

Unlike Isaac and his father.

This also tells me, that unlike Elias Stilinski, Noah never lashed out physically at Stiles. He was trying to break a cycle of abuse but more than likely still fell victim to it himself when he could no longer cope with trauma and his neurodivergency and started drinking.

That doesn’t mean that he’s not guilty of abusing his own son. We know Noah can be neglectful and dismissive towards Stiles (even though he tries his best not to be) and has a tendency to low key insult Stiles from time to time. Whether or not he truly means to or not is up for debate, I personally think he doesn’t mean to do it, but Stiles is clearly heartbroken every time Noah accidentally lashes out.

As evidenced by sentences: “I’ve never believed a word he said since he was born.” “Thank you, son I should have had.” (To Scott)

Stiles already has a deep founded fear that he’s not enough, that he killed his own mother, that he’s not believed by the people around him, and that people don’t want to take him seriously.

This is clear in every interaction he has with the people around him.

Which also brings me to what happened in 2x09. Now based on the context clues of that scene, I actually don’t believe Stiles saw a play-by-play memory. But rather, Stiles saw his greatest fear play out in a hallucination.

Why do I believe that?

Because in the same scene, Allison has a hallucination about becoming her own worst nightmare (a huntress like Kate) and Scott sees a hallucination of Allison and Jackson making out. (Aka, losing Allison.)

I think the scene both has fabrications and truths in it. The truth is that more than likely, Stiles saw his father getting drunk at his mother’s funeral and lashing out at people around him in his drunken stupor. (Which on one hand, one can understand if you take the pain and trauma into account, but it’s not a healthy or an okay thing to do, obviously. This is definitely where Noah fell apart.)

I also like to think one of the other adults put a stop to Noah’s behavior before he could get out of hand. But we never really see her funeral play out, so that is speculation.

The fabrication is the scene that follows. We know that Claudia was the one that actually said the words to Stiles. “You’re killing me, he’s killing me.”

And that Noah was the voice of reason in that scene. “No, he’s not. You’re sick, let’s go back inside.” (Or something along those lines. I can’t remember the exact words.)

What I think is more than likely is that Stiles’s greatest fear is that his father actually believes he killed his mother. As that is what his mother said to him before she died. And so that’s what he hallucinated under the influence of the wolfsbane.

Stiles’s greatest fear is losing both of his parents, no matter in what way that is. He also fears that he failed as a son, and failed to take care of his father. All of this is fueled by losing his mother and watching her die at a very young age.

And that is where Stiles’s trauma truly lies. He watched his mother die (at the age of 10) slowly while she lost her mind to a terrible illness.

His father couldn’t handle losing his wife and not being able to help her and the previous traumas he endured in his own childhood. And Stiles had to step up to take care of him. That changes a child and leaves a mark. A mark that Stiles can’t shake.

We know Noah neglected Stiles by not being able to care for him as he should have, we know Noah tends to think Stiles has wild conspiracy theories and tends not to believe him.

Which traumatized Stiles even though Noah didn’t intend for that to happen. That doesn’t mean that Stiles’s trauma isn’t real though. It’s very real. This is also the reason why he immediately chooses Derek’s side in 1x12.

For Stiles, not being believed is a daily reality and he doesn’t want anyone else to go through that as well. Which is why he chooses Derek’s side. Because Stiles, due to his own trauma, is hard-wired to believe the victim and tends to defend them.

Now I think a lot of people take a lot of Stiles’s scenes literal because they identify with what’s happening on screen. Because Stiles isn’t being believed by the other characters, the audience tends to take his perspective at face value. Even in situations where it’s made clear that Stiles, like other characters, is hallucinating at the time.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I do think it’s something to consider.

Tagging a few people who might want to add a thought or two to this.

@mostly-vo1d @artemisa97 @msmischief101

#stiles stilinski #teen wolf #teen wolf meta #trauma #ptsd discussion #submission

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imjukyung · 3 years

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Okay so this was supposed to be a why I love Lee Suho post, KDRAMA’s Lee Suho, but it turned out to be more of another analysis of who he is, which in the end is a reason why I love him okay. I am not posting this for people to argue with me, so if you don’t like what I say below, feel free to ignore it <3 LOVE YOU ALL. (pls note this is long af, like over 1000 words)

I know that a LOT of people are very iffy on drama Suho, which is valid, and this is more of a place for me to unload what I love about him, and for others to do so as well. I'm going to preface this with, don't try to argue with me, I'm laying out my feelings on the manner and no matter how much you argue with me, I won't change my mind so yeah. Either way. Here it goes.

Before I start actually, again, let me preface with what we know about drama suho. 1. He lost his mother to cancer at/around the age 8 to 10, and his father turned to women and alcohol as a result of his wife's death. 2. It's been stated by Suho's dad that he was an absentee father, meaning that it was just Suho's older sister (if they keep her, which I hope they do, if not he was by himself) and himself for a LONG time. 3. The suicide of his friend happened ONE year ago vs THREE in the webtoon, so there's been less time for him to process.

First of all, we're introduced to Suho in the drama on that rooftop, where our main character had been moments away from taking her own life (she had changed her mind, but hadn't stepped off yet) and all he does as an immediate reaction is try to save her. Something he hadn't been able to do with his friend, but he helped someone else. Someone else who needed help. It's why he essentially lectures her, because although he doesn't know her situation, he knows the feeling of having someone you love make that choice, and the pain associated with the aftermath of said choice. He doesn't want whoever loves this girl to deal with the guilt he himself feels. Anyway you can tell that his friend's suicide is still v present in his mind and his heart (he's listening to one of the unreleased songs, he goes back to where it happened) and you know what, that's probably his attempt at coping. He probably goes up there, sits, contemplates.

Now at school, we know that he's a bit of an antisocial asshole, and I get that. But who the heck was around to teach him to be social, how to properly express himself? We haven't seen anything like that for him, and so why is he expected to know how to properly do any of that stuff if there's no one around to teach him that. And as a person who works with children, I've seen that when a young child suffers a trauma, they tend to regress into themselves. Which is essentially what happened to Suho, he regressed into himself. I know some people will say well not everyone who suffers a trauma reacts this way. But just like grief, trauma is handled differently depending on the individual. Now it appears as if he basically raised himself, it’s stated multiple times that he’s lived away from his father for a very long time. Meaning that he’s been on his own for a long time, most of his hobbies are things he can do alone. Because, he’s always been alone. He loves to read comic books, he studies a SHIT ton, 90 percent of the time we either see him at school, at extra classes, or at the comic book store. His sole friend is Sujin and that’s just because there’s a childhood connection there. Even then, you don’t see him socialize with her much. Not saying that other people don’t want to be his friend, but considering the amount of things he keeps to himself, it makes sense that he feels like he can’t make those bonds.

Now we know that when he figures out what Jugyeong’s secret (not that she tried to kill herself) but that she looks different with make up on, and he realizes that she really is desperate to ensure no one tells her, this idiot decides to have her run errands for him. Now is this the most effective way to make friends? Nope. But he’s an idiot sometimes, and well again, what’s a social skill? Probs the only skill that Suho lacks. Now begins a friendship, well as best as Suho can friendship without you know, knowing how to friend. Because this genius instead of asking Jugyeong to hang out, makes her do errands which he hopes END in them hanging out, this is reinforced by the look of disappointment that seems to briefly cross his face when she runs in and out after each errand. Suho had no idea how much he was inadvertently hurting Jugyeong with what he was doing, until the crying moment when she unloads on him and he realizes what an idiot he was. He apologized after cleaning her up and it feels like progress. Maybe he can really make a friend here (maybe more than a friend, because what’s this strange feeling he gets when he thinks of her)

But of course that ever present feeling of guilt, reinforced by Seojun’s return and his own words about Seyeon’s death. Now, losing someone you love is hard, I can only imagine how much harder it is when you lose them through suicide, let alone have your other best friend blame you for it. So not only does Suho feel guilty about not answering that call, knowing Seojun also blames him, it adds on to that guilt. That sense that maybe he doesn't’ deserve to be happy, so as Jugyeong starts to get closer, and he finds that he wants to get closer to her too, BAM reality seems to hit. Seojun reminds him that he doesn’t deserve to be happy because he’s a murderer, and how can he do this to her? Jugyeong is like a little ray of sunshine if you look at it through Suho’s eyes. She’s bright and happy, and she offered to be his friend, that if he ever has problems to talk to her. Can you think of how big this is? How he probably decided that he couldn’t suck her into the black hole that was his life, so what does he do? He is an asshole to her, an ABSOLUTE asshole to her because maybe then she’ll stay away, she’ll get to keep her spark and he won’t be fucking her life up too.

Now it’s harder for him to stay away, especially after she comforts him after he was being an ass. I fully believe he was going to apologize to her on that rooftop, but the fire alarm beat him to it. He tries his best to stay away but it’s like something keeps pushing them together, he goes to her house, he gets to experience what a family dynamic is like, and you see that light inside of him sort of turn back on. And of course his growing feelings for her are there, you can see it in his actions, in how he tries to protect her and his jealousy regarding Seojun. Now you have to remember Seojun initially made it seem like he was going to like Jugyeong just to spite Suho, and until episode 7, that’s how Suho believed it to be, he had no idea that Seojun genuinely liked her and therefore his protective instincts kicked in.

Overall I find Suho to be absurdly interesting, and my boy is so broken but he’s also trying. After he confesses you can see him just trying to be a better friend. He’s sweet to Jugyeong, that even though he was more than ready to tell everyone they were dating, he respected what she wanted. He’s being friendliest to Sujin, she even said he was regaining his humanity. He was trying again, and that in itself is amazing. He can still make mistakes because well he’s still got a shit ton of trauma he needs to work through, but you can see that he’s trying. I love him and I can’t wait to see him get better because he deserves it.

#not a beauty (ooc)#lee suho #true beauty #protect lee su ho squad #me trying to get poetic (meta)

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memory-hoarder · 3 years

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WARNING (LONG POST AHEAD)

I turn off the lights, scrolled my phone and clicked the Spotify app currently listening to (calming acoustic) 10: 05 PM, best time to unleashed all emotions that piled up from nowhere. I covered myself with a huge blanket and placed the laptop on my lap and decided to visit my page. I know, I'm being inactive lately but I'm doing my best to update my journal publicly to remind me of my long absences.

Tonight, I decided to post the questions I received a night before my birthday celebrated. I kept this on my file for a month now. Admittedly, this is the huge decision I made on my birthday. So, I asked a random people on my messenger lists - some are my work colleagues while others are acquaintances. At first, I am hesitant to ask for favor to anyone but I did. Well, I guess it was successful though I received different reactions - some confused and thought I was making fun while others are game on to sent their questions. Obviously, it took days for me to answered cos it turns out that I wasn't prepared myself for few questions that somehow affects me literally.

The twist here is I am not allow to send my answer to their questions. However, I can answer it through this journal. Which I described as bravery.

Here are some of the questions:

How’s Life? How’s Life?

A question that been asked me twice. Well, this year was the great sadness of my life that challenged me mentally, emotionally and drained me physically. Sometimes a mere struggle on financially. I’m doing fine but lots of times I seriously breaking down especially the trauma of what happened 8 months ago. But today, I accepted the fact and slowly healing me and appreciate what really God’s intention and plan for my life.

Are you happy right now?

Not sure how to put it into words but there is no reason not to be happy. Right? If you just appreciate the life you are living right now or even the smallest thing that makes you smile or giggle I guess there is no reason to be sad at all. Although, lots of times I felt happy, sad, angry or lost. But there are still lots of reasons to celebrate or be joyful too. I juts let myself felt all the emotions that life wanted me to experienced to remind me that I indeed exist. There are people who could bring me joy and sadness at the same time but all I know they are all part of my journey.

Have you ever missed me before we lost our communication? Do you consider me as true friend?

Of course, I do. I miss the old you the person who I genuinely treasured during my college days. And, you are one of the reasons why I indeed survived college. I just don’t understand why we both let this friendship died. Was it because we no longer catch up? But, how I hope building friendship again will no longer hard as I imagined. But, please know that you became part of my story. I always count on you whenever I am sad and confused. I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts because I know you will never judge me. Hope to see you again soon. Take care of yourself!

Why there are times you don’t have the mood to talk?

Because, I read my surroundings and I feel comfortable being alone not to isolate but to process my own thoughts with myself which my normal thing growing up and I choose this way - became aloof at times not wanted to talk to anyone or go out. It makes me sad to think only few understand my personality. However, I can't just normalize this because of extrovert people I knew. I don’t have mood to talk and I push away people closed to me because I find a happy place being alone. Its not sad or dark what it gives me is peace of mind that no on can offer.

Would you like to change your past or stay on your present path? Why and why not?

I believed majority will choose the past, we all wanted to change one thing that we regret of doing - apologies, goodbye's, places to travel, opportunities we must have and other important things we slip away that is why I choose the past over my present. One thing I am eager to experience all over again is my mom's precious life, only if I had the power to bring her back. I was just 16 years old when she died, and I think the years of her being a mother to us will never be enough. However, her life is a blessing and all the valuable teachings that she imparted on me and to my siblings will remain on us forever. How I wish for her to at least see as growing up especially my brother that she spoiled a lot, and for us to give back all the things she deserved. I imagined date her on a restaurant, buy her clothes, treat her to the salon or accompany her on the grocery store. I also wanted to visit the past to catch up with my high school friends – Mira and Jeno, I will never forget how they literally brings me deep joy and the reason I am early bird during junior high because of the dare. I just missed the sound of Jeno's sense of humor, I treated her more than a friend rather a sister and it broke me when I received the news that he's gone. I was not there for him nor visit his and mom's grave for years now. I wanted to comfort Mira, but I am too far away and impossible to have my own money for my flight expenses. What I did is to cried and prayed for his soul. All of the good memories flashed back once more yet I realized God might took away two beautiful souls in my life but I am confident they watching over and guiding me through life.

I am or was curious regarding James situation, did it ever cross your mind you regret James being your boyfriend?

In all of the questions I received this one hits me hard to the core. For everyone’s knowledge James and I are in a relationship for over 4 years now. Just like other couples we did fight over little things yet we matured and grow together. One thing I really loved about James Charlie is how kind and pure his heart. He helps people as long as he can even himself are struggling to live. Not to mention his over confidence that I am jealous of. I guess, because of how friendly and inviting his amour. Also, a talented one he knows how to dance, sing and imitate different kinds of sounds, He’s grammar and vocabulary are lit. He can also play guitar very well, draw portrait’s and even writing a poems. He knew, he won my heart through his creative abilities. I was also surprised how he interested over history of aliens, bermuda triangle, mermaids and what I consistently heard of the Pyramid of Giza, life documentaries and other related history of it. I find him sexy whenever he talked about some of it. Our age gap is never an issue on our relationship and I am lucky that he guided me on everything, considered my opinions or thoughts and when I freaked out badly which occasionally happened he handle me perfectly and I appreciated his temperament level during my anxiety attacks or whenever I choose to isolate myself him being shut off. He understood me in my own terms and be myself. Yet relationship will test your loved from one another, there were also things that I don’t like of him doing however James does listened to me. He listens to advises either coming from me or from other people that cared for him. He is a vocal person, that one thing that I fall for him is his sense of humor. I guess talkative and being clingy towards person is his nature especially growing up in a broken family. Consistent communication is a key. I remembered he told me that I was different to all the girls she dated on his past life. That I am out of his league, he doesn’t know that he is of out my league too but when I know him deeply he taught me lessons in life and felt his warm love. Over the course of our relationship he respect the limitless of our love language and he accepted and understood the love without intimacy is a different level of love and respect and from his perspective I wanted everyone to know that James has a huge respect towards me, my beliefs and reasons. How someone could wait for something that he can easily took away something on his past relationship. Our relationship is somehow changed us individually into a better person. Getting older, he became dreamer and goal oriented. I witnessed all his hard work, that he celebrated through silence. He wanted to build home and think of small business that will be our retirement in the future. How many kids we wanted or how many dogs we will going to breed. I guess, some people misunderstood James for so long, how miserable life that no one to talk and curse during your victories or failures? Friends and addiction in alcohol and other stuff are his way of escaped, escape from the reality that lead him to take his own precious life once. I know how difficult life for him way back on his early 20’s that he fought all his battle alone and how he overcome his depression and addiction without someone to lean on. And nowadays, everything makes sense to me that I realize being independent sometimes is not a choice but more on a decision. decision and accepting no one will guide you through your journey so you have to do it alone either it brings you sadness or happiness in a process, not to count living alone and make money all by yourself. I agreed he might do bad decision in life but that doesn’t mean his life has no purpose at all. Instead, God is confident that he will win this battle not for everyone, not for the sake of me or our relationship but for himself. As for our current situation, I know being with him and fight through the end will inspired him a lot. Yes, he currently working on his self and will prove to everyone when the time comes that he will be able to regain his new

life and continue living.

We introverts, tend to think a lot, like really overthink a lot. What do you mostly overthink and how deep? Deep, like does it leads you to think more negatively resulting to depression? (mild depression, maybe).

I overthink some scenarios on my head when it really affects my whole being and when every time I think of it, obviously it trigger my anxiety not depression I guess. I can recall one or two hard situations that happened to me, and I know it wasn’t me trying to act that way. I even punished myself and literally breakdown trying to hurt myself, call me freak or whatever cos now I asked myself too how I even allowed myself to did terrible things, because anxiety creeping on me and telling me to do it. But, mostly I think of is my future and myself – deep that it scared me a lot. I have lot of questions of this world that I keep on searching by myself until now.

Why it took for you to share your problems?

Honestly, when I’m having a serious problem I am not confident to share to anybody except to my family who already knew. It took too long because advises no longer work for me, I listened because it was normal people do – advise and advise. Maybe, it was me who are picky to share my problem with, sometimes people listened but never in heart. Not all people deserve to know your struggle and during your lowest times, I have my own terms of coping so you do.

How do you maintain your petite body? If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

Wow! I never see this coming. Well, I guess being fit is what I inherited on my father's side. They not so fat unlike on my mother's side. I have no limit on foods I intake in other words not your discipline person to look up to. I do eat carbs, junk foods and sodas is always on my list. I never worried if I am physically fit aside from walking Maxine during days off. I don't know how do I maintain this body I guess I'm never. Being fit actually is my insecurity. However, I do loved my body whatever what happen.

Well, if I had 3 wishes in life - first, to end this pandemic so that everything will back to normal. second, for James to have peace of mind and good health while waiting for the process of his case. And, lastly, for me to be strong, lasting patience and strong faith.

How would you solve your problems?

Problems is always part of lives. But, I believed it is always about the degree of the problem. Whenever, I had problem sometimes I resolved it in time but other times I need more time and space to think what will be the resort of it. And, pray for some guidance.

As independent being, how do you handle depression and anxiety?

Good thing to end all of this questions, I became independent when I graduated from college. I have to commute 131 kilometers back and forth from another city just to apply on my first job and the process is never easy at all. When you sent all of your applications form on each companies but never accepted It brought so much sadness, one point of my life I am eager to seek job because I used it as my coping mechanism to walked away from home which I did now, I walked away to protect my peace of mind especially having anxiety growing up and having this thing is hard as people imagined. You might only see darkness and feel of losing but for me, I guess for a year now I handled myself perfectly I never allow this condition to swallow me whole and affect my way of living. I reminded myself to keep strong and remain optimist and always protect my peace of mind at all cost.

I am 24 now strong and happy and leaving Haruki Murakami quote: "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what storms all about"

#self love #journaling #birthday #24 years old

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supermiraculousladybug · 3 years

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The Disturbing Dark Truth about Cat Noir.

Cat Noir is the loveable dorky flirtatious jokester from Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir who loves to flirt with Ladybug and making her laugh by using jokes and puns but is he really a jokester or is he using jokes and puns as a coping mechanism to escape the abuse , neglect , cruel and harsh world he's born in? But whatever it is it's obvious that everything in Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir is nothing but a figment of Cat Noir's imagination and is actually an abused mentally unstable boy with special needs who sees the world differently than others due to having a childish-like personality and sorta kinda behavior.

Family Life Income.

Born to a prostitute with an unknown father, Cat Noir comes from a lesser fortune poor family who are struggling to make ends meet and making money. He's an complete opposite Adrien Agreste who lives a life of luxury and wealth while Cat Noir lives a life of slums and poverty but growing up in a ghetto-like town side of Paris wasn't easy it's full nothing but violence , rape , robbery , burglary , aggravated assault , total violent crimes , motor vehicle theft , total property crimes , battery , prostitution , street gang , kidnapping , sex trafficking , child trafficking , street gang violence , bribery , fraud , racketeering , drug trafficking and vandalism but it's sad to see Cat Noir grew up in a horrible neighborhood side of Paris where this "village" is one of the worse shanty town neighborhoods that evolved ghetto crimes which it gave Cat Noir paranoid trauma for life.

Clothing , home life and house.

Clothing.

Since Cat Noir grew up in the slums of Paris, his mother barely could afford clothes so she made his clothing from a left over fabric from a trash can and gave him her old clothes which surprisingly it fits him. So technically he shares clothes with his mother but it's sometimes he wears his dad's old clothes. His mother is a seamstress so it makes sense she made Cat Noir's clothes.

Home life.

Cat Noir comes from an abusive household where it's just him and his younger half brother, Connor get punished by their mother because they're both born male and look like their fathers but it's just their mother but sometimes their stepfather would beat them because he dislike their fathers and both Cat Noir and Connor look like their dads thus their stepfather abused them physically.

House.

Cat Noir lives in a small shack house that is a mixture between a cabin and a cottage that is located in a Western Shanty town, one of the worst ghetto neighborhood in Paris , France. In the Western Shanty town, they have cheaper old wireless TVs from either the 90s or 70s and have old TV show programs from 1920s-late 1990s but for cartoons from 1910s-late 1990s as well. Cat Noir and his family slept on an old abandoned dirty mattresses that are so uncomfortable to lay on and often the children (mainly Cat Noir) gets bed bug bites at night. Cat Noir and his family sat on old abandoned couch but mainly his mother get stoned and drunk on that couch.

Forced child labor.

From age 9-12, Cat Noir was forced to be a sex slave stripper against his will but he was taken out of school by forcedly "dropping out" during the 4th grade and ever since then the principle of Françoise Dupont Elementary School was and still wondering why Cat Noir wasn't at school like he's suppose to be. Then he was sold to Copycat, a pedophile neighbor who has sexual fantasies of Cat Noir and sexually abusing him but Copycat a lot of horrible things and stuff to Cat Noir

Molesting Cat Noir.

Raping Cat Noir.

Giving Cat Noir bruises , scars , chafing or bite marks and bleeding in/on his genital area.

Masturbating Cat Noir's teeny weeny peeny.

Smacking Cat Noir's bottom in sexual way.

Forcing Cat Noir to dress up as a french maid for sexual purposes.

Forcing Cat Noir to be in bed with him.

Removing Cat Noir's clothes so he can just have "fun" with him.

Turning Cat Noir from a sex slave to a house slave.

Raping Cat Noir in his sleep causing his insomnia to be worsen up badly.

Touching Cat Noir inappropriately from his whole body to his teeny weeny peeny.

Using sexual punishments on Cat Noir.

Using erotic spanking on Cat Noir's bottom for sexual purposes.

And Smacking Cat Noir's bottom as a form of sexual harassment.

Due to this harassment it causes Cat Noir to be extremely afraid of adult men because of the fear that they could sexually abused and harassed him even tho they're not gonna do it but Cat Noir was and is traumatized by this experiences it made him think they would do it without excepting it but he didn't want to be around grown men and not even his male aids he can't trust but everytime a grown men sit next to Cat Noir, he would cry because he amused they would molest him.

"Operation saving Cat Noir from a child molester"

In October of 2013, 12-year-old Marinette Dupain-Cheng was looking for the 10th and last child to be sold to a pedophile but it was no luck, until a random guy shows up to Marinette and tell her where that kid is but once she found him passed out on the floor, it turns out he's the boy that Ladybug was talking about and he was wearing a black tank crop top-like shirt and a blacker granny panties-like undergarments although he was underweight and severely malnourished. After Marinette notice the poor living conditions Cat Noir was in, she decide to take Cat Noir to the hospital immediately to get medical attention, once she and Cat Noir got to the hospital everyone knew Cat Noir was one of 10 children who were sold to pedophiles by their parents for money and were sexually abused. When Cat Noir woke up in a hospital bed, he sees Marinette and went speechless because he didn't know how to interact with people very well and Cat Noir mistaken Marinette for Ladybug because she and Ladybug looked like and because Cat Noir is insane-like crazy, he's unable to know the difference so it went like this

Cat Noir after he woke up: *seeing Marinette* Ladybug?

Marinette: no i'm not Ladybug🤔.

Cat Noir: *confused* then who are you?

Marinette: my name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng, what's your name?

Cat Noir: *realizing* wait Marinette as in Marinette Dupain-Cheng, daughter of the best baker in Paris?

Marinette: yes

Cat Noir: nice to meet you Marinette🙂😄😊.

Marinette: same here😁.

Cat Noir: well then i'm Cat Noir Athanase Blake-Kyle.

Marinette: *realizing* wait your Cat Noir? As in Cat Noir Athanase Blake-Kyle, son of a seamstress prostitute?

Cat Noir: *sigh* yes I'm the son of a hooker who steals your man for no reason😓.

Marinette: so what's with the outfit you were wearing?

Cat Noir: I work as a stripper and a sex slave😣😖😟😫.

Marinette: why?

Cat Noir: to help my mom make ends meet.

Marinette: I get it but why as a stripper or sex slave?

Cat Noir: I had no choice but to be a sex slave stripper and because my mom wanted me to work in the sex industry due to me having a material of being someone's object or toy.

Marinette: so what you're basically someone's property or something?

Cat Noir: yes i'm nothing but everyone's "favorite" little toy to "play" and have "fun" with.

Marinette: were you uncomfortable with it?

Cat Noir: honestly yes because I don't wanna hook up with someone I don't know for money.

Marinette: so you were forced to do this against your will?

Cat Noir: yes exactly that's what it is.

Cat Noir: *bursting into tears* then 3 years ago, I was 9 years old when my mom sold me to an artist for money😭.

Marinette: wait how old are you now?

Cat Noir: *stops crying and sniff* I just turn 12 not so long ago.

Marinette: i'm 12 too.

Cat Noir: wait so we're the same age then?

Marinette: yeah

Cat Noir: What a coincidence.

Marinette: We're born in the same year but just 2 months apart.

Cat Noir: What do you mean by "we're born in the same year but just 2 months apart"?

Cat Noir: When is your birthday?

Marinette: My birthday is on July 22, 2001 and yours?

Cat Noir: interesting my is on September 25, 2001.

Cat Noir: *realizing* you're right we're born 2 months apart.

Marinette: that's right

Cat Noir: What does it mean?

Marinette: it means i'm 2 months older than you and you're 2 months younger than me.

Cat Noir: make sense

Cat Noir: But I was born 2 months premature.

Marinette: What do you mean "2 months premature"?

Cat Noir: I was originally suppose to be born on November 25, 2001 but I came out 2 months premature.

Marinette: Oh so you're a preemie?

Cat Noir: yes

Cat Noir: *arms and legs starting to shake uncontrollably*

Marinette: are you okay?

Cat Noir: *arms and legs still shaking uncontrollably* yeah why?

Marinette: because why are your arms and legs shaking-like crazy?

Cat Noir: *arms and legs still shaking uncontrollably-like crazy hard* sorry I have tremors.

Marinette: Tremors?

Cat Noir: Yeah I still have tremors since birth but sometimes i'll get seizures.

Marinette: Oh that it explains while we were on our way to the hospital, your whole body and head was shaking for 3 minutes.

Marinette: *realizes while reading facts on the article called "Crack babies" on the internet* are you a crack baby or something?

Cat Noir: Crack baby?

Marinette: Yeah are you?

Cat Noir: What's a crack baby?

Marinette: A crack baby is a baby born to a crack addict mother who used crack cocaine during pregnancy.

Marinette but you're a 12-year-old boy who still have seizures and tremors.

Marinette: so I guess you're a crack kid.

Cat Noir: What's a crack kid?

Marinette: A crack kid is when a mother who smokes crack while having a kid, when the kid is born it will be a crack baby/retarded or have problems.

Marinette: So that's what you are, a crack kid because your mother smoke crack cocaine while she was carrying you in the womb.

Cat Noir: it's not the only thing have because of my mommy's neglection action.

Marinette: What do you mean?

Cat Noir: mommy is not just a drug addict but she's also an alcoholic and smoker too.

Marinette: I look at a picture of your brain and I realize your brain is small , malformed , severely damaged and is permanent damage in your brain.

Then after that Marinette took care of Cat Noir in the hospital by being a mother figure towards him with her maternal instincts because it is something Cat Noir's mother never done before since she always ignoring him and Cat Noir needed a good parental figures and guidance in his life due to having bad parents, he doesn't know better but then again Marinette knew Cat Noir has a hard time understanding other people and everything around him in general.

Cat Noir is an autistic individual who can't understand everyone's social cues very well due to lack of interaction he barely had. Cat Noir was diagnosed with Low-functioning Autism , Asperger's Syndrome and Severe Autism or Level 3 Autism since he was 5 weeks old and due to his diagnosis, he has troubles of looking people in the eye , having interacting with others , living up to everyone's expectations of him what he should or shouldn't do including Ladybug's expectation of him how he should or shouldn't act when he's in public or when it comes to Ladybug forcing him , understanding boundaries or personal space , asking people what he wants or permission or where he wants to go , understanding sarcasm , when other people's jokes or when they're joking or when others don't understand his jokes.

Is Ladybug really convinctive , manipulative and abusive towards Cat Noir?

Ladybug and Cat Noir have been friends since 3rd grade but as they got older it was Ladybug who outgrown Cat Noir because she's more mature than Cat Noir due to him being immature , childish and baby-like but one of her other friends told Ladybug she's better off with someone who's more mature not someone who's baby-like person who can't handle "big kids" stuff and she frequently prefers hanging out with mature guys than Cat Noir so she decide to avoid Cat Noir at all cost and she forced him to grow up to act his age so their so called "friendship" isn't ruined in fact she verbally abused him for not maturing and acting his age in which Ladybug would yell at him and insulting his baby-like personality. Ladybug convinced Cat Noir his imaginations are real and she does it so often that the more she convinces him, the more Cat Noir believes it but then it got to the point where Cat Noir thinks everything he believes in his imaginations are a reality. Through every episodes of Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, Ladybug gets easily annoyed with Cat Noir's childish-babyish personality even tho he acts like a child or baby at times, he can't help it and be he's pressured to be "normal" , "average" and "perfect" that it's starting to stressed him out. In the New York special, Ladybug is excited to go to New York City with her classmates for French-American Friendship Week but she realizes she needs to tell Cat Noir about her absence and she gave cat plush toy with a ladybug-printed remote bottom on it but Cat Noir presses the remote button several times in excitement, making the toy in Ladybug's hand squeak and he presses the remote button again which it made Ladybug groan in annoyance. But when Cat Noir was in New York City, Ladybug was angry at him because he's suppose to be in Paris and is too insane-like crazy to come due to the risk of being put into a mental asylum or hospital.

Altho this is a big theory, it's obvious Cat Noir has a problem and why it seems unreal so I hope like it.

#marichat #chat noir #cat noir #ladynoir #ChildhoodRuined #MiraculousLadybug

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 4 years

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Episode 8: Family Friend

Things are getting intense.

SPOILERS

0:16 - Martin has a nameplate that reads “Dr Martin Whitly” in his home office. That is maybe the most egotistical, narcissistic thing I have ever seen. Seriously. WTF Martin.

1:14 - So this phone in the basement has a different phone number than the rest of the landlines in the house? Seems odd. I guess Martin set it up as a business phone so it needed to have a different number?

1:21 - This conversation is really cool. Malcolm is scared - you tell by the way his voice cracks a little at 1:22 and by his eyes in the beginning of the conversation. However, you can also see that Malcolm has been trained by the FBI to be an investigator. Listen to his interview skills. He’s calm, professional, and he’s speaking in careful, calculated sentences. It’s impressive. I’d really like to see him in this position more often. Another really interesting part of this scene is Jessica’s reactions in the background she looks positively terrified. She’s hugging herself and looking around in horror. I’m not sure we’ve ever seen her this frightened.

1:23 - So Watkins has been watching Malcolm right? For how long? Because he recognizes Malcolm’s voice. And presumably he recognized Malcolm’s face at the junkyard? Creepy.

3:35 - Ainsley is going through the interview footage with a disturbing amount of admiration and joy in her eyes - while her bf in unconscious because her dad orchestrated a stabbing during her interview. Also though, is she editing the video footage? Seems like that’s not in her job description?

4:40 - I love everything about the initial moments when we see Gil, JT, and Dani enter the Whitly house. First of all - Jessica is clearly still shaken and terrified. Secondly, Gil (even though he does look concerned for Jessica) looks so comfortable in that house. It really makes you wonder how many times he’s been there over the years because honestly, the house Gil was almost murdered in shouldn’t be a place he feels comfortable in. Finally - JT and Dani. hahaha they walk into the room with faces that are clearly trying to hide how awestruck they are by how rich the house is. JT actually has an expression that I’m interpreting as “Damn. Rich people have a lot of weird useless crap.” AND look how Jessica’s demeanour immediately changes from terrified to welcoming, considerate hostess the moment she sees JT and Dani. That is the result of years of rich people manners being drilled into her as a child. I’m sure of it.

5:12 - Look at the way Malcolm looks at his Mom as she pours a drink. He’s a mixture of exasperated, concerned, and embarrassed that her alcoholism is being so blatantly exposed.

5:24 - Malcolm giving the abridged house tour to Dani and JT is awesome. He’s clearly trying to make them feel a little more comfortable in a world they aren’t used to while simultaneously trying to make clear that he doesn’t love the fancy house - it holds bad memories and he’d trade it in for a life without trauma. Also - Dani’s reaction is perfect. She’s trying to make Malcolm just as comfortable as he’s trying to make her. I love it.

5:50 - How come this bald, black, police officer dude doesn’t have a name yet? He’s had speaking parts in most of the episodes. At this point he’s practically part of the team.

6:15 - Gil checking up on Jessica is super sweet. ALSO the irony of keeping a gun in a hollowed out copy of War and Peace is hilarious.

6:50 - Another Gil and Malcolm moment to fuel my heart. Also - Gil looks exhausted. Can someone please give this man a vacation? He does nothing but worry about our shaky-handed boy, Jessica, the Team, and Ainsley. Seriously - Gil needs some time off.

7:21 - So it’s the next day. Am I to believe that Gil somehow convinced everyone to go home, shower, and come back in a few hours? Because it’s daylight now and everyone is in a fresh outfit. Something tells me Malcolm would not have done that willingly.

7:22 - Something about the fact that Gil is the only one who ever drinks coffee during the case briefings is hilarious to me.

8:22 - You know I’ve always laughed at this seen because JT says, “I can’t with this.” but I’ve been missing the best part of the scene!! Look at Gil’s face. hahaha it’s an expression of total disbelief. He’s so done with working with these children.

9:29 - Just how many jackets does Malcolm have?!? I know he’s rich but I really want to see his closet. He doesn’t strike me as a rich person who cares about appearances or the money itself. So - what does his closet look like and who is buying him all of these jackets?!?

10:15 - Anyone else wonder how the hell someone managed to bury a winnebago without anyone noticing? It just seems like it would’ve drawn a lot of attention?

10:47 - *sigh* Gil is so resigned to the fact that he can’t control Malcolm. Poor guy looks exhausted. Trying to save Malcolm from himself is not an easy job. This particular case is also probably really hard for Gil too. I mean, Gil caught the Surgeon. If this killer worked with the Surgeon, Gil is probably questioning his detective skills. Questioning whether or not he missed something all those years ago that would’ve had this killer behind bars years ago. Also Malcolm has gone manic again. Yikes.

13:25 - Ainsley. Ugh. Girl - your bf is in the hospital with a stab wound. Stop trying to find a story to further your career and worry about him. Honestly. Why is she even dating this guy? She clearly doesn’t care much about him.

14:24 - Katcha? Another one of the Whitly family employees. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF THEM?!? We’re up to 4 now (Louisa, Katherine, Alfonso, and Katcha).

15:51 - Look at Eve in this scene. Initially she is annoyed, then concerned, then curious but by the end of the conversation you can tell that Eve is scared of what Jessica tells her.

18:40 - haha look at Gil’s face here. He’s so pleased and amused that JT is teasing Malcolm. It’s precious.

18:57 - Malcolm’s comment about how the Junkyard Killer has been killing for over 20 years, which is longer than the Surgeon, has me curious. How long did the Surgeon kill for? Did Martin start killing before he got married? Before Malcolm was born? After Malcolm was born? After Ainsley was born? I really want to know. ALSO Gil looks so concerned after Malcolm makes that little comment. Generally Gil shoots Malcolm a concerned look whenever Martin is brought up. I love it.

19:02 - How long did the front desk have that box? No one noticed it was bleeding? AND that blood is seeping out really fast. There’s no way JT could’ve gotten it to Malcolm before it started bleeding. Ugh. The things I excuse/ignore because I understand episodes have a time constraint and things need to happen a certain way to forward the plot.

19:43 - I don’t know a lot about how quickly the human body decomposes or anything BUT father Leo’s hands did not look that beat up a few minutes ago. Check out the severed hand’s finger nails? They’re in terrible shape. Biology nerds: does this kind of stuff happen to severed limbs? I’m curious but too scared to google (I don’t want pictures).

21:00 - This is another instance where we can see how good Malcolm is at interviewing....well until Watkins brings up the girl in the box and Malcolm kind of loses his mind. I love this.

21:36 - Gil looks scared here. A rare look for him. Also - really makes me wish I could’ve seen the moment when the story behind the girl in the box was explained to Dani and JT.

22:30 - Look at Malcolm’s eyes. He looks haunted. Broken. Scared. I’m genuinely surprised he didn’t descend into a full blown panic attack. He looked really close to one.

22:50 - This conversation between Malcolm and Gil is everything. You can tell that Gil feels guilty - like he might’ve worsened Malcolm’s trauma. You can tell that Gil is also concerned about Malcolm. But check out the way Gil is speaking to Malcolm. Gil is so honest with Malcolm yet simultaneously reassuring. I respect that.

24:38 - The moment Malcolm decides that his need for answers is greater than his wellbeing. He could’ve called Gil right here. He could’ve walked away and waited for backup. But he didn’t because knowing the truth is more important to him than his physical health. That’s genuinely concerning. This is a passively suicidal act.

25:34 - “You even smell like him.” This line has always struck me as bizarre. What exactly is John referring to? Does Malcolm smell like fear? Or like desperation mixed with determination? Is that how he smells like Martin? Because I promise you Jessica Whitly would lose her mind if Malcolm was wearing the same cologne his father used to wear. If Malcolm smelled like Martin due to his personal hygiene products I’m sure Jessica would’ve put a stop to it. And I’m sure Malcolm would’ve listened to his mother in this instance because he’s so desperate to be nothing like Martin Whitly.

26:21 - This is sad. Malcolm is being honest here. He really believes that he is like his father even though he desperately doesn’t want to be like him.

27:22 - Gil is pissed. This is peak Dad behaviour. I’m shocked that he didn’t punish Malcolm himself or call Jessica because he knew that her overbearing presence would be punishment for Malcolm.

28:23 - Malcolm is spiralling. Look how manic he is. How desperate he is for answers. Look at how much pain he’s in. This whump is thawing my cold, dead soul (also semi-shirtless Tom Payne is attractive).

29:05 - Jin has the appropriate reaction to this. Ainsley does not. If a murder is on the loose you should be at lest mildly concerned for yourself and sympathetic for the victims and their families. Not excited at the prospect of a story.

30:02 - 1. Tom Payne without a shirt is...wow. and 2. He’s using frozen peas as an ice pack...so he does have food in the house?

30:25 - Yep. When he opens the fridge here you can see he has some other frozen vegetables in the door.

30:27 - This is interesting to me. Malcolm is clearly attracted to Eve and he doesn’t want her to think he’s crazy (even though their first conversation was about how he got high at work) so he hides his pill bottles. When Dani’s come over Malcolm has never hidden his pill bottles from her. Because Malcolm is comfortable with Dani. Just something to think about.

31:00 - Eve said she got Malcolm’s address under “false pretences”. The only false pretence I can see Jessica giving out Malcolm’s address to Eve is because Eve told her she was going to ask Malcolm out. But the false pretence implies that Eve has no intention of ever dating Malcolm. Huh. Either way, I would’ve really liked to hear that conversation. The one where a drunk Jessica Whitly gives a woman her son’s address because she thinks he’s going to get laid. It’s both upsetting and hilarious that this happened.

32:15 - Gil looks like exhausted. Holy crap. Why is everyone so worried about Malcolm when Gil is looking like this?!?

33:25 - The acting throughout this entire phone conversation is phenomenal. Tom Payne’s facial expressions really convey Malcolm’s desperation, fear, and determination to get answers. Lou’s tone of voice really conveys Gil’s worry over Malcolm and tired, desperation to solve this case. And Michael Raymond-James’ confident, controlling voice is just the perfect amount of creepy to be a believable killer.

34:40 - Are you telling me that Gil wasn’t hearing this conversation in real time? Why wasn’t the police recording this conversation for evidence? Also how is Malcolm’s cell phone connecting to Gil’s radio?

35:53 - “Damn it. Ainsley’s there.” This line is beautifully delivered. That is believable big brother concern. This whole sibling conversation is great. I love how they interact.

36:30 - Can no know in this family follow orders?!? Honestly. Ainsley stay in your room. These Whitly’s really need to learn to listen to the people who want to keep themselves safe. BUT SIDE NOTE: Malcolm’s desperate cries to Ainsley as she runs from the Junkyard Killer are haunting.

38:21 - THANK YOU JIN. SOMEONE WHO SEES IT MY WAY. AINSLEY DID YOU DIRTY BROTHER.

39:15 - “How’s Ainsley doing?” Love this. I’m so desperate to know the extent of Gil’s relationship with Ainsley. We know that Gil was a big part of Malcolm’s childhood. I want to know how much contact he’s had with Ainsley through the years.

40:35 - hahaha I love this scene between Jessica and Malcolm. It’s honest, sweet, and sad. You can really see the role that Malcolm put himself in. He’s the self-appointed family protector. He’s probably felt that way most of his life. You can see Jessica’s determination, guilt, and fear. It’s beautiful.

Ahhhhhh I love this show. Thanks for hanging out Prodigies.

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keiratheraven · 4 years

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Bentley 8 Squad Characters Description

(First, forgive me for my broken English. Second, sims close-up in sims 3 gameplay isn't so good and I can't install pose player for some reason, so I have to go to CAS just to take their closeups).

This is the description of the characters from my fanfiction, Bentley 8 Squad. Like I said in my previous post, they called themselves "Bentley 8" because all of them like Bentley cars. They are living together in a house in Sim City. Each nicknames represent their traits/styles and positions in this squad. Their friendships are inseparable, and they're always there for each other. They established a mental health community named "Im-perfection", and their goal is to help everyone who struggles with mental health. Their Im-perfection community tagline is: "It's okay to not be perfect, and we are perfect because of it". Despite their obstacles, they're always finding ways to chase their dreams in their early 20's. By the way, some original characteristics are changed for the storyline.

Angela Pleasant (Bentley Queen) - age 20

She's ambitious, fashionable, popular, cheerful, and a trendsetter. As a cheerleader captain and queen bee of Pleasantview high school, Angela knows how to fit in. She's always friendly to everyone despite her stuck-up personality, and it made some people nicknamed her "phony" behind her back. But as she gets older, she became more sincere, especially after she's taking a master's degree in psychology. She and her twin sister, Lilith, disliked each other when they were teens. But she apologized to her and they became friends. She also has interests in fashion design. She's a great home cook, and excellent at making cakes. Angela is a good listener to her seven housemates. She loves Dustin so much although they came from different social circles. She suffers from eating disorders and endometriosis, but it doesn't limit her to become a (soon-to-be) psychologist.

Lilith Pleasant (Bentley Gothic) - age 20

She's often misunderstood due to her attitude and black clothing. She's sharp, gloomy, sarcastic, hot-headed, and somewhat rude. But she's really nice if you know her well, and she will do everything for her close friends and lover (especially her boyfriend, Dirk).

Despite her parents (Daniel and Mary-Sue Pleasant) treated her unfairly and favored Angela over her, plus she and Angela disliked each other when they were teens, she's forgiving and didn't hold grudges. Unlike Angela who was a queen bee, Lilith was one of the outcasts in high school. As a lead vocalist in her high school band, and she's taking art major, Lilith is a great artist and talented rock singer/guitarist. She has bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, but her manic-depressive phases make her even better at making arts and music. That's the way she deals with her mental disorders : pouring all her emotions into creations as a coping mechanism.

Dustin Broke (Bentley Rogue) - age 22

He's rebellious, bad-ass, tough, daredevil, and likes to break the laws. He used to be a criminal and drug dealer in high school. He liked to smoke weed and use cocaine. Back then, he liked to steal things. But actually, he's not a bad person. He's really soft on the inside but pretends to be tough. He cares a lot about his seven housemates, especially his beloved girlfriend (Angela). His mother, Brandi Broke, is married to Dirk's father (Darren Dreamer) several years after his father (Skip Broke) passed away.

Then, he realized his dream was never to become a criminal. He quits his criminal career to become an architect. Also, he suffers from schizophrenia caused by the drugs and trauma (his then-alcoholic mother, Brandi Broke, often beat him up when he was a teen), but medications and his job keeps him stable. He's getting nicer and trying to do good, although his rebellious nature is never faded.

Dirk Dreamer (Bentley Brain) - age 21

He's good, selfless, genius, bookworm, and compassionate. He's the smartest among them in this squad. He graduated from medical school at age 19, then he took psychiatry specialization aside from his dream to be a general practitioner because he wants to recover his girlfriend (Lilith), his step-brother (Dustin), and his best friend (Angela) from their mental disorders. As a kind doctor, Dirk is always helping people or put everyone's priority first before him, especially all of his housemates. His hard-work is because he wants to make his late mother proud. He's good at treating sick people or saving lives, and he'll be distressed if he fails to keep them alive. But, he has a terrible sense of humor. He has a library in their house, full of his book collections. Despite his struggle with type 1 diabetes, it doesn't stop him to become a successful doctor. He wrote a best-selling book about his journey as a diabetic psychiatric resident.

Johnny Smith (Bentley Leader) - age 23

He's nice, athletic, charismatic, commanding, and a party animal. He's so confident despite having a green skin due to alien descent. As the squad leader (and the oldest member) who has a black belt in karate, Johnny is trying his best to guide and protect all his friends and lover (Ophelia) in this squad. Johnny is a great organizer and planner. His perfectionist nature makes him never missed any arrangement. He has a bachelor's degree in business. He also likes to be a party DJ in the clubs. He's the second-best home cook in their household after Angela. Although sometimes he's loud and bossy to his seven housemates, it's because he cares and wants the best for them. He suffers from OCD and PTSD because he got beaten up by 9 people, stabbed on his abdomen, and thrown to the filthy dumpster due to hate crime against green-skinned sims when he was 18. But, he's trying to let go of the past, learning karate, and became a successful young executive.

Ophelia Nigmos (Bentley Flower) - age 22

She's kind, worrywart, mysterious, graceful, and patient. She likes every kind of flower, and her hobbies are gardening and writing. Motherly and nurturing, Ophelia knows how to give attention to her seven friends/housemates (especially her boyfriend, Johnny). She likes children, and she's working as a kindergarten (sometimes elementary school) teacher. She's also a talented writer. She has a strong interest in literature and has a bachelor's degree in it. She's also a successful blogger and their Im-perfection website admin as well. Her parents died when she was 10, and she became independent and quiet since she moved to Olive Specter's house in Strangetown. She's often panicking and worrying about the smallest things. Although she has anxiety and paranoid personality disorder, caused by the ghosts of her old house, only writing and gardening that can calm her down beside the meds.

Ripp Grunt (Bentley Clown) -

age 21

He's playful, humorous, hyperactive, talkative, and a heartbreaker. He slept with more than ten women (and also slept with men). But, he never fell in love with them like the way he fell in love with Ophelia and Johnny. As a drama student, Ripp is a talented actor and entertainer. He's great at imitating impressions. He can do a pantomime or stand up comedies as well. He likes to sing/play guitar and often posting duet cover videos with Lilith. He also likes to post pranking videos. His nice and funny personality makes him great at consoling his seven housemates when any of them gets sad, even though he often cries alone when he remembers his past because his father and older brother (Buzz and Tank Grunt) abused him when he was a teen. He wants to become a successful actor and musician despite his struggles with ADHD and chronic gastritis. Although sometimes he can't control his manners or actions, He's still trying to do the best.

Puck Summerdream (Bentley Fancy) - age 22

He's good, shy, polite, thoughtful, and serious. Charming and well-mannered, Puck knows how to treat everyone nicely. Coming from the most respected and wealthy family beside The Capps in Veronaville, makes him the richest sim in this squad. But he's still humble and doesn't want to talk about his wealth. Unlike his peers in Veronaville, Puck didn't want to get involved with Capp-Monty feuds, and he's always trying to be nice to both sides. He likes to wear suits and bowtie. He's an expert in classical music because he has double degrees in mathematics and fine arts (music branch). He likes to play the piano, violin, saxophone, and he can conduct an orchestra as well. He often treats his seven friends at the restaurants, movie theatre, and concerts. His sensitive nature makes him a little bit over-emotional. Despite his weak heart, and his depression caused by the death of his girlfriend (Hermia Capp) due to the mass shooting at Academie Le Tour three years ago, Puck will never let grief or disease obstructing his dreams. He became a successful conductor, and his dream is to bring peace with his music.

Bonus pics

Six of them autonomously spending time together at the gym (Lilith is not in the pic).

Puck and his new girlfriend, Marina Prattle from Bridgeport. She's really a pretty sim for a sims 3 premade.

#sims 2 characters #sims 3 screenshots #angela pleasant #lilith pleasant #dustin broke #dirk dreamer #johnny smith #ophelia nigmos #ripp grunt #puck summerdream #squad #mental illness #description #fanfiction #sims story #marina prattle #bentley 8 #sims 3

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alexsfictionaddiction · 4 years

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12 of the best feel-good books

I think we could all do with a pick-me-up right now. We’ve been in some level of isolation for over a month and we’re perhaps being forced to accept a new normal. However, we’re still seeing frightening and tragic headlines all day every day (ration your news time, if you’re not doing so already), so of course, fear and hopelessness is going to set in. If you’re not used to spending time alone, loneliness is also a huge possibility but we know that books are a great source of solace in times like this.

Maybe you want to do your own research and discover how far into the realms of science-fiction we’ve got. For you, I have compiled a list of the best books that pandemic fiction has to offer but if you’re looking for something more light-hearted, I’ve got the perfect tonic. Whether you need a laugh, to be comforted or to simply remember what life used to be like, here are some books that will help you escape the current face of reality. Above all, remember that it’s perfectly natural for your mental health to be suffering at the moment. Do whatever you can to look after yourself and stay safe.

1. The Flatshare by Beth O’Leary

Remember when you could just move in with a stranger without worrying about keeping two metres apart at all times? Tiffy and Leon share a flat and even a bed but due to entirely opposite work schedules, they manage to not even meet for months after Tiffy moves in, only communicating via texts and notes left on the fridge. But Tiffy’s controlling ex-boyfriend and Leon’s innocent prisoner brother ignite a connection that is fuelled by basic human kindness and a touch of romantic attraction, of course! This quirky rom-com has been a bestseller for over a year now and it’s not hard to see why. It’s a celebration of love, friendship and the unexpected happiness that can come from taking calculated risks. Beth O’Leary’s second novel The Switch has also just been released, so there has never been a better time to read her debut!

2. Wonder by R. J. Palacio

A beautiful story of empathy, kindness and acceptance, Wonder has fast become one of the most popular and widely read contemporary middle-grade novels. Auggie Pullman was born with a facial deformity and he’s attending mainstream school for the first time but of course, kids can be staggeringly cruel to those who are different. Wonder kickstarted a global kindness campaign and spawned a film adaptation, which is one of the best and most faithful I’ve ever seen. It has already given so much to the world and I know you’ll get a lot of joy out of it too.

3. The Long Way To A Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers

Of course, not all sci-fi is doom and gloom. This is the first instalment in Becky Chambers’ Wayfarers series and it’s laugh-out-loud funny. It follows a misfit crew of space travellers and their wonderful smile-inducing relationships. Celebrating the coming together of a variety of races, sexualities and personalities, it features a lot of loveable memorable characters who begin to read like dear loyal friends. If you’re looking for quirky, light-hearted sci-fi in a similar vein to Star Trek and Firefly, you’d be wise to start here.

4. Less by Andrew Sean Greer

Arthur Less is a struggling writer about to turn 50 and the love of his life is engaged to someone else. To say that he’s not feeling too hot right now would be an understatement but he has been invited to a range of literary events around the world, so he does the logical thing and accepts them all. We can’t travel right now but with Arthur, you’ll visit Paris, Berlin, southern India, the Moroccan desert and Japan. You’ll also go on a journey of self-acceptance, learn how to love the life that you have and appreciate the time you have left.

5. Hot Mess by Lucy Vine

It’s rare that a book makes me guffaw out loud in public but Hot Mess did exactly that, when I read it a couple of years ago. Ellie is a single woman who hates her office job and is absolutely nowhere near having her life together. However, she does have some great friends and a lovely relationship with her dad Alan, whose drafts of a romance novel are truly side-splittingly hilarious. We see Ellie through terrible dates, trauma confrontation and a quest for true happiness that is hugely satisfying. It has been described as a modern-day Bridget Jones but I found it much more relatable and actually quite a lot funnier!

6. The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

It’s the first in a trilogy of novels that explore the trials and tribulations of finding romance when you’re genetics professor Don Tillman. Don likes facts, logic and reason and he applies all of these things to his latest endeavour, The Wife Project. He knows exactly the kind of woman he wants to marry but then he meets Rosie, who ticks none of his boxes and he’s forced to accept that perhaps true love doesn’t always follow the rules. Don and Rosie’s relationship is such a heartwarming, mutually beneficial one that will make you laugh and leave you with a big bag of warm fuzzy feels.

7. The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien

There is a huge chance that you will have read The Hobbit but what better time to revisit a funny, charming favourite? Re-embark on the quest to retrieve Smaug’s treasure, take back the Lonely Mountain and make a plethora of fantastic friends along the way. As well as relating to Bilbo’s personal growth throughout the novel, I think the idea of facing epic threat and mortal peril in unknown environments and yet still returning safely home to a quiet comfortable life is the reassurance we need that this too shall pass. Of course, it will also be an intoxicating nostalgia trip, so there’s really no reason to not pick it up again!

8. The Bromance Book Club by Lyssa Kay Adams

I read this over the Valentine’s Day period and was so enchanted by it. Gavin is a top baseball player for the Nashville Legends and he has recently discovered that he has never given his wife Thea a genuine orgasm and it’s threatening the relationship. So he does the logical thing and turns to his team mates, who actually double as a secret romance book club. They suggest taking a leaf out of a smutty Regency paperback to save his marriage -what could possibly go wrong? Funny, heart-warming and touching, it’s a great choice if you’re looking for a rom-com with a difference.

9. My Pear-Shaped Life by Carmel Harrington

If you’ve spent a lot of self-isolation being wholly unproductive and perhaps not looking after yourself too well, you may be feeling that you’re simply not good enough. Especially if your social media is full of happy healthy people doing just about EVERYTHING. Meet Greta, a struggling actress who is used to playing the role of the funny, overweight girl in all areas of her life. That’s ok as long as she laughs with everyone else, right? But things have been pretty rough lately and it’s only when she hits rock bottom that she begins to realise that maybe things need to go a little bit pear-shaped sometimes. With joy and despair in equal measure, this new novel, populated with an array of wonderful characters, will teach you that true happiness comes from simply being you.

10. A Boy Made Of Blocks by Keith Stuart

Eight-year-old Sam is autistic and struggles to make sense of the world. His dad Alex has also lost himself somewhere along the way and needs to change. Minecraft offers a place where father and son can rediscover their bond and put the family back together, block by block. I reviewed this incredibly moving, uplifting story when it was first released a few years ago. It’s actually inspired by Keith Stuart’s real-life experiences, which I think give it an extra dollop of heart-warmth!

11. The Black Flamingo by Dean Atta

The entire focus of this fantastically written YA novel is on embracing your own personal uniqueness and on not being afraid to let it out. Michael is a mixed-race gay teen who has grappled with his identity for his entire life. On arriving at university, the idea of becoming a drag artist causes everything to begin to slot into place. Told in verse, The Black Flamingo will show you how your boldest brightest colours can shine through the darkest of times. Highlighting the power of words and challenging all forms of homophobia, whether it be external or internal, this is a book that I’m sure will become a staple of LGBT+ literature in years to come. As for now, it will simply inspire you to live your very best life, regardless of who tries to prevent it.

12. Reasons To Be Cheerful by Nina Stibbe

As the title may suggest, there is plenty to smile about in Reasons To Be Cheerful. It’s chiefly a coming-of-age novel about a young woman called Lizzie living in 1970s Leicestershire. She has just got a job as an assistant to a work-shy, racist dentist who is desperate to join the freemasons. Navigating this new position alongside a relationship with her alcoholic writer mother, a boyfriend who doesn’t seem terribly interested in her and a few unlikely friends, Lizzie’s life makes for some pretty amusing anecdotes. Whether it’s the simple retro setting or small cast of eccentric caricatures, there is something quite other-worldly yet familiar about it. There is a lot of detail that is relevant to the period it’s set in, including the blatant social prejudices that were so rife at the time. I am too young to have experienced 1970s Britain but it certainly feels authentic to what I know. I have no doubt that those that were there will get even more enjoyment and nostalgia from Lizzie’s life than I did.

#feel good #books #recommended #recommendations #uplifting

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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554

x1 Have you ever trespassed? No. The empty private lots here in the Philippines have very vocal threats for trespassers, so it’s just been kind of ingrained in my head that trespassing is a very very very bad thing that can lead to ugly consequences. x2 Would you care if your friends were into alcohol or drugs? Back when I hated the idea of drinking, I did judge them but this was only because my only knowledge it was from what I saw from my family. I don’t care if they drink now. I imagine still having an issue with friends who ended up using drugs, though. x3 What if it was your parents that were drinking|drugging excessively? I’d probably go see a therapist at that point. I don’t need Round 2 of Robyn’s Family Trauma. x4 Do you tell your parents where you are going? I have to. They find out everything; it’s pointless to lie. The biggest lie I can ever give them is telling them a different mall from where I actually am, but that’s only because I live in a super small metro and malls are several kilometers away from each other. x5 What is the first site you check when you get online, generally? Twitter or Facebook.

x6 How much time have you spent online today? Less than an hour. I just woke up awhile ago. x7 How can someone else make you feel bad? Insensitive jokes that are meant to be lighthearted and funny. x8 What makes you feel good? Reassurance. x9 Can you give a good back massage? Nope. x1o Do you enjoy getting massages? I’ve never had one. I don’t think I’d enjoy it, given how ticklish I am. x11 Did you ever mix up the words "message" & "massage"? I don’t. x12 Are there any other words you get mixed up? I don’t think so, no. I get names mixed up more often. x13 Are you good at creative writing assignments? Depends on what I have to write about, but generally, I’m not good with anything dubbed ‘creative.’ x14 Or would you rather just do an informative essay? YES please. x15 What does "freedom" mean to you? Not having to feel guilty about doing or being anything you want to do or be. Of course, blatantly criminal stuff like murdering don’t apply here, but you get what I mean. x16 If you could design a government to rule society, what traits would it have? Uncorrupt, obviously. I’ve never experienced being under a government where the officials are actually honest about their money and the money they use for work. x17 Do you agree with the notion that all people were created equal? Way way way way way back in the beginning? Yes. But people like slapping labels and superiority onto themselves and thinking that other societies needed to be ‘saved’ and that’s how inequality started. x18 Do you think women should hold open doors for men, too? I think PEOPLE should open doors for PEOPLE, damn. I never saw it as a gender thing. x19 Would you want a sensitive man? Why or why not? I don’t want a man. x2o Are you more attracted to the badasses, or the goody-goody types? Goody-goody. Badasses get in trouble and I don’t really like getting in trouble lmao x21 What class has given you the most trouble this year? Basic macroeconomics, and fucking fact-checking. This semester, it’s my newspaper layout class. x22 Do you raise your hand or participate in class? Very seldom. I’m not a big reciter, and I shine brighter when I do essays, take exams, or present a Powerpoint. I wish some teachers and profs understood that. x23 What is something BIG you want to do with your life? Travel. x24 Would you ever spend the night in a treehouse? If it wasn’t going to be itchy the whole night, yes. x25 What do you think of people who own wild animals? Uh, I hope they make sure what they’re doing is legal, I guess. x26 Make up a 'quote' based on your morals and beliefs? Meh. x27 If a book was written about your life, what would be in the summary? It’d be a book about a girl who tried to end her life at 12, ended up sticking around and having a semi-good, semi-bad time for the rest of her life. No regrets, but she’s still not completely satisfied. x28 Are you good at explaining things, in general? I hope I am. I don’t actually know. x29 If your friend had a drug-problem would you abandon them? If they pushed people away and if they were starting to affect me mentally, yes. x3o Has a friendship ever ended over similar reasons? Nope. x31 If your house burned down, where would you have to go? We could go back to my grandma’s house in the next village. I lived there until I was 10 and visit often, so it still feels like home to me. x32 Do you like visiting the mall? Why or why not? I love malls...partly because it’s the only kind of public space our government is committed to supporting, which is kind of sad. It’s also already been ingrained in the Filipino psyche, honestly – you bond with your loved ones, eat out, go to the arcades, go shopping, and study at the mall. x33 Do you like window shopping? Why or why not? Yesssssss, but for furniture more than clothes. It’s fun. x34 Have you ever purposely hurt an animal? No. x35 What do you think of girls who cheat? Guys? Infuriating. x36 Would you ever see a therapist? I think it’s the most responsible thing for me to do at the moment. I just don’t want to spend all that money for it. x37 What do you think of people that do? It’s good that they’re taking care of themselves. x38 Where would you go out to dinner for a big celebration? The buffet in Circles is always a go-to for me. x39 Who would you invite to your next B-day? Gabie. I don’t like big groups on my birthday, and I find myself enjoying the most when I’m with her. x4o Do you mind lending money to your friends? Yes, if they haven’t paid me back yet. x41 Does anyone mooch off of you? Is this annoying? No. I’d catch it if they were trying to so I’ll be finding ways for them to not do so lol. x42 What, to you, is the best part of traveling? New experiences and sensations. New things to remember. x43 Do you like to try new things? Why or why not? Yes. Again, new experiences. It’s always awesome to have a new story to tell. x44 If you lost your job|home &etc, who would likely help you? I honestly have no idea. x45 Does it bother you if someone talks bad about you? It depends on what they say or who it came from, but generally yes.

#survey #surveys

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maxtrickey · 5 years

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[[MORE]]

[ I constantly feel shit, ulcerative colitis makes me feel lazy when I'm chronically fatigued and it sucks that with all the effort I made with uni it's probably not going to end well with how much I've missed recently due to this flu and it affecting my stomach, state of the world doesn't inspire much hope either.

Medicine is going to be scarce if things go to shit but that doesn't effect everyone so no one really cares,

Ironically I've been making way less of the art I want to make at uni but that's down to objective assignment briefs, still doesn't feel great though and it doesn't help inspire me in terms I've what I've missed because it's a portfolio submission for a fuckin mobile game, but I make the best of it with trying to twist the themeing as much as I can to make it something i want (usually by making it spooky or fantasyesque)

Having a disability that people have legitimately told me "it could be worse" about, makes me feel insane.

I dont really talk about it but I'm still feeling what happened almost 3 years ago now and how little I must have meant, how forgettable and easy to erase I am. I'm nothing like i was i constantly have to distract myself or just dread seeps in. Aside from laughing I dont smile often anymore theres a really noticeable cutoff in pictures and I hadn't noticed which was funny so you can really pin point the trajectory of trauma

I also didnt realise I'd taken to leaving clothes and shit on one half of the bed that I was telling myself was laziness/ease of access when I wake up but I've taken to thinking it's the sleeping alone (i dont hate that, I enjoy being entirely alone sometimes, just not perpetually) sometimes I'll wake up with some change beside me on the bed and I laugh to myself that I've become a dragon just isolating myself with treasure

Fewer and fewer people deny that I'm like cosmically cursed now aswell going like:

emetophibia -> anxiety disorder from a young age -> saw my nans torturously slow death resultantly of multiple tumours when I probably should have not been in that hospital environment -> bullied relentlessly when I suddenly and mysteriously gained a fuckton of weight (linked to the undetectable spontaneous mutation thought to have occured that inexplicably gave me ulcerative colitis which wasnt documented in my family -> my my becomes an alcoholic just as I start secondary school according to her because of the crippling guilt she had from "killing her mother" which was her in reality making the decision to have her hospitalised and have a chance of beating the cancer rather than being in more pain -> I almost die when rushed to hospital for an undetectable unknown reason and am told I would have died if I was 10 minutes later to A&E (this is after the paramedic didnt want to take me because "he looks fine") => immediately have to sit my GCSES arguably the most import exams of my educational career after just leaving the hospital -> during all of this endure the emotional and psychological torture enduring and surviving an alcoholic parent who steals from you, lies and when numerous times you try to stage this little intervention on your own because you're so sure that it's up to you to save her because everyone else has given up only to be met with propositions of mutual suicide, just all really added up to make me feel worthless

Then it got better I found someone it was all great for a while, then my mum was found dead by police apparent liver failure as she was trying to actually stop drinking which is ironically what killed her, and 3 days later my girlfriend of 4 and a half years dumps me when shes over consoling me about it, it's honestly a farcical existence and probably very funny from an outside perspective, I've definitely laughed at the comic timing of every single thing that's happened in my life as it just (like me aswell I guess ahaha) mutates and amalgamates getting worse and worse with the passage of time

I haven't vented in a while and I just feel, not empty just like, spent? I'm optimistic, if also cynical and it's like something out of the blue kicks my allegorical ladder away from under me, and that ladder was teetering on top of previously scaled ladders

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adaportfolio-blog1 · 5 years

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The Ins and Outs of Collegiate Extracurricular Activities

MIDDLETOWN, PA-- The day began at 5:30 a.m. for 21-year-old senior Carlee Gochenaur. After conditioning from 6:30 to 7:15 in the morning, Gochenaur, who is captain of Penn State Harrisburg’s softball team, quickly showered and dressed before rushing over to Habitat for Humanity, where she serves as the Communications and Events intern. She worked there for about five hours, managing the organization’s social media and planning fundraiser events, before coming to campus, where she had class from three to eight at night. As a college senior managing the workload of 21 credits while interning and being a college athlete, the grind is nonstop.

Many college students that are involved in extracurricular activities can relate to Gochenaur’s grueling schedule. “It’s very mentally exhausting and physically exhausting,” said Oscar Cartagena, a junior on the men’s soccer team. He says his biggest challenge as a student athlete is time management. “Being able to balance school, family, being a friend and just, you know, normal surviving like eating, it’s very difficult.” Often times, managing the responsibilities that come with being a student athlete can feel like a catch-22. “There are times when I’m in school and have all this work to do, but next thing you know, I have to leave and have to skip class because of a competition.”

Jordan Larkins, a 20-year-old communications major, firmly believes in the power of the writing things down. “Get a planner, swear by the planner. The planner is your bible,” said Larkins, who participated in multiple organizations on campus, including Lion Ambassadors, THON, and Business Management club. She said extracurricular activities can be incredibly time-consuming; it’s part of the reason she chose to drop Lion Ambassadors and THON to create more time for school work. “I think the hardest part is figuring out where you need to be responsible because school’s first,” Larkins said. Priorities can easily be compromised when balancing school and extracurricular activities. “It’s hard to draw the line for yourself of ‘I really want to go out to this event and I really want to do this, but I have a paper due in two days,’” she remarked.

Self-accountability is essential to balancing school and extracurricular activities for these students. Because Gochenaur’s classes often conflict with her team practices, she often has to make the time on her own. When it comes to working with professors, she says they’re usually very accommodating. “I don’t think I’ve ever really had a problem with it,” the senior said, recalling a time when she was absent the day of final presentations for an advertising course because her team made it to the playoffs for the first time. “You just have to tell them in advance,” she advises. “But usually, it’s very simple.”

Cartagena also spoke about the importance of student athletes building strong relationships with their professors. “I always try to make them know who I am,” he said. Keep in mind, this is a two-way street. “If you’re a student athlete and you show you don’t give a crap, they’re not going to give a crap about you,” Cartagena said. Cartagena also alluded to the trust factor between student and teacher. While professors are generally flexible and understanding, it’s not something Cartagena takes advantage of. “They’re very lenient with me when I have to leave, but I try not to abuse the power and I give my work on time because I think it’s messed up for the other people,” he said.

When considering the differences between playing a sport in high school versus a collegiate level, Christopher Bing, a 22-year-old senior who plays basketball for Penn State Harrisburg, describes college athletics as a business. “They’re giving you money so they want you to produce.” Contemporary college sports can literally garner millions of dollars for the university. They are also increasingly expensive, making the already steep cost of college education unaffordable in some cases. According to Bing, fortunately for Penn State athletes, the athletics department seems to bear the burden of these expenses. “We fundraise in order to get spirit wear and things like that,” Gochenaur said. “But all the travel expenses are on the school, like bus trips, hotels, things like that, and they give you meal money on away trips.” Cartagena remarked that his only expenses are his personal equipment, such as cleats and shin-guards. Everything else, including uniforms and travel expenses, is covered by the university.

College athletics are considerably more demanding than high school athletics, not only mentally but also physically. “It’s a whole new level when you get to college,” Gochenaur said. “Nothing is just given to you, so you have to work hard to be able to earn that starting spot.” She recommends high school athletes come prepared with a strong work ethic. Cartagena expressed similar sentiments, advising, “Don’t come in thinking you’re hot [expletive].” The athleticism increases tenfold at a collegiate level, and Cartagena says that arrogance a is sure fire way to isolate yourself from teammates. “You’re going to come in and see players ten times better than you,” Cartagena said. Playing at a collegiate level is an opportunity to hone your skills and learn something new. This was Gochenaur’s experience as a freshman. She was thrown into the outfield after playing third base her entire high school career. Gochenaur said that, ultimately, it’s up to the coach’s discretion what position an athlete plays, and that’s determined on how their skillset will best serve the team. Although this was a challenging transition for Gochenaur, she believes it developed her into a better-rounded athlete. “I worked very hard to be able to get a starting spot and got “Newcomer of the Year” my freshman year,” she said.

While reflecting on his most rewarding moments as a student athlete, Cartagena also recalled previous accolades. Cartagena was also awarded Newcomer of the Year as a freshman, which would serve as motivation for the years to come. Despite this, he described his sophomore year as a difficult one. “I didn’t get as much playing time as I did my freshmen year, so it was really a letdown, however at the end of the year I got Scholar Athlete award of the year. So even though I didn’t get as much playing time as I wanted, I was recognized for what really matters, which is my education.”

Extracurricular activities can be a great opportunity to meet life-long friends. For Gochenaur, the best part of being a student athlete is the team. “I met my best friend through this. She graduated two years ago and we just clicked right away. I still visit her like, every weekend, and I’m going to be the maid of honor at her wedding.” Through time spent together at trainings and competitions, athletes often develop a strong camaraderie with one another. “The best part is the memories you make,” Cartagena said. While few are lucky enough to continue their sport post-graduation, Cartagena noted, “For many people, it’s the last step of doing a sport you love.”

When trying to create a social identity at college, Greek Life offers students many compelling benefits. Marcellus Taylor, Assistant Director of Student Activities and Fraternity/Sorority Life at Penn State Harrisburg, looks back on his time with Kappa Alpha PSI as an undergraduate student fondly. He says that his experience with the fraternity not only refined his ability to understand people in a more complex way, but it has also made him a better husband and father. Although there is plenty of evidence to suggest that Greek Life can improve one’s shot for success, it’s a community many criticize for fostering segregation, inequality and bullying. Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Wolf recently signed an anti-hazing bill named after Timothy Piazza, a Penn State student who passed away last year during a hazing incident. Security cameras in the fraternity house captured the tragic ordeal, in which Piazza was instructed to drink copious amounts of alcohol during a drinking challenge called “the gauntlet”, as part of his bid acceptance. The college sophomore suffered head trauma after falling down a flight of stairs, and 911was not dialed until 10:48 a.m. the following day, over twelve hours after he first appeared unconscious.

“Timothy Piazza’s family should have never had to bury their son,” Taylor said. He argues that all cases of hazing are completely avoidable. “Most physical things are manifested by nonphysical things,” he said. In Taylor’s perspective, the focus on hazing has always been on its outward manifestations, such as the excessive drinking, partying, and sexual misconduct. However, he feels hazing is guided by invisible factors, like the basic human need for social inclusion. Part of Taylor’s role at the university is “to reach out to the invisible and bring it visible,” by addressing the unspoken promise that often lures students into Greek Life. “Hazing rests on the idea that ‘you should do something because I’m going to make you something,’ and I believe that’s a flawed argument. And so what I try to do in this particular community is let students know that you already are something.”

For many incoming college freshmen, meeting new people and finding their place can be incredibly daunting, which makes a ready-made social life seem highly appealing. Based on studies surrounding brain development, Taylor noted that, “From the ages of 18 and 25, we perceive isolation or social rejection the same way we receive starvation. That means that, literally, people are likely to seek social inclusion just as much as they’re likely to have food.” As a researcher, scholar and practitioner, Taylor says he’s often torn on how to mitigate that need. “We tell people you’re going to build these lasting bonds, but I think instead of saying that fraternities will make men and sororities will make women, we need to say that they make better men and better women, because the premise is you already are a man and you already are a woman.”

For students, Taylor says that “the greatest balancing act is learning discipline.” He believes this is particularly important for Greek Life members. Learning to say ‘no’ in a community and culture that breeds leadership can be especially challenging. However, regardless of where a student’s interests lie in regards to extracurricular activities, they can benefit from Taylor’s advice, which is “To thine own self be true.” The phrase, coined by Shakespeare, speaks to the value of authenticity. Taylor advises students to first examine who they are and the values they hold, and to use that information as a compass when exploring organizations on campus.

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thegallinisystem · 6 years

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65 Questions You Aren't Used To

One of my followers (*cough cough @almostasgayasstartrek ) challenged me to answer all of these questions, so buckle up.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Sometimes. Usually only when I’m having a dissociative issue.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

It depends on if I’ve recently watched a horror play through or not.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

There are many. Pretty much anyone in politics.

4. What is your favorite word?

Anything that’s easily rhymable.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

Red maple, because the leaves are vibrant and I have sweetness inside

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

I don’t really look in the mirror unless I have to.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A blue shirt that has Chewbacca on it and says “Wookie of the Year”. Which is funny, because I don’t actually like Star Wars very much. But the shirt is comfy!

8. What do you label yourself as?

Transgender, non-binary, queer, Ravenclaw, INFJ, compassionate, empath, neurodivergent

9. Bright room or dark room?

Not too bright, but I prefer a lit room.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Believe it or not, sleeping. I know it’s hard to believe, especially for me.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

I would have to say 24. It was a good year.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My spouse.

13. Your worst enemy?

Probably myself. I tend to sabotage myself a lot.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

(insert desktop photo here)

15. Do you like someone?

Yes actually. Sometimes it hurts being polyromantic, because even though I’m currently in a relationship, we’ve all talked about having romantic relationships with others. So there’s this person I like who I met a couple months ago, but I know they’re not ready or interested in a relationship and I don’t know if they ever will be. Man, it’s been a while since I’ve had to deal with unrequited love.

16. The last song you listened to?

https://soundcloud.com/tophouserecordings/bass-farmers-unsettling-ft-nathan-brumley-original-mix

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

My father. Because then he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone and hopefully he’s got life insurance, which would help the rest of my family.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Mostly all of the politicians in power right now, save a couple of senators who aren’t incredibly evil.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

Jeff Bezos. Firstly, he’d transfer me and each of my friends $1 million. Then, he’d sign a legally binding contract changing how things work at Amazon so that employees actually get what they deserve. Then, he would pay to end world hunger and create housing for the homeless. He’d also pay for all of the people who are trying to transition to get the surgeries they need. I would find a way to do all of this in a legally binding way so that he couldn’t come back and try to sue once the day is over.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

It’s not great at the moment, but I take a lot of pride in my hair.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

There is a flaw with this question in that it assumes there are only two genders or sexes, and therefore there can be an opposite. The spectrum is wide and diverse biologically and narrowing it down to simply what genetalia you have on the outside is a disservice to that diversity.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

I have the ability to bring a crowd wherever I go. People call me a trendsetter, but it’s happened so many times that it’s uncanny.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Having the people around me turn out to be like the abusive people in my past. It hasn’t actually happened since 2013, but I’ve had some close calls and they’ve been terrifying.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Well firstly, we’ll start with toasted gluten free bread because of my stomach. Then, we’ll do cracked pepper turkey with mayo and Dijon mustard. Toss in some spinach, lettuce, tomato, red onion, and pickles and you’ve got a great sandwich.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Putting it in my top surgery fund, which you can find here!

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Anywhere with a beach would be great by me.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

Henri IV Dudognon Heritage Cognac because one bottle of the stuff is worth nearly $2 million and I could sell it and be set for life. (I don’t drink so actually having it for me wouldn’t do me any good)

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Everyone gets equal rights. Period.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Oh Nut!

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

I would either grab my laptop or reginald (insert picture of reginald here). It’s a serious debate for me, because reginald is my prized possession. But my laptop has a whole bunch of stuff on it that I really don’t want to lose.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Trump getting elected.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

That is the COOLEST reason for getting kicked out of the country. Honestly, if I had the money, I’d take my family and move to Europe where they have universal healthcare and know that human rights are for everyone.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

I would totally hang out with Death from The Sandman, she’s amazing. I’m not sure I would bring anyone back, because bringing people back from the dead has a whole bunch of repercussions that I don’t think we really know how to deal with.

34. What was your last dream about?

I don’t really remember my dreams that well.

35. Are you a good chopstick user?

I’d say so. When I have the option of using chopsticks, 9 times out of 10 I will because I can feed myself with them. I’m not good enough that I’m confident I don’t make faux paus though.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Yes, I was admitted to a mental facility twice this past year.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

I built several as a kid! One in my backyard lasted for a good couple of weeks.

38. What is the color of your socks?

Not currently wearing socks.

39. What type of music do you like?

Depends on my mood, but I’m almost always in the mood for some electronica.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

I think sunrises are prettier, but I don’t like being awake at the time of day that they usually happen.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Chocolate malt

42. What football team do you support?

None? I don’t like football.

43. Do you have any scars?

I’ve got several on my knees from when I was a kid and played outside all the time. I’ve also got a few on my arms from self harm.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I graduated 4 years ago, so this question is moot.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

The severity of my mental illness.

46. Are you reliable?

I don’t feel like I am. My poor physical and mental health means that I have to back out of things a lot and I hate it.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

What helped you heal from the trauma of my past.

48. Do you hold grudges?

Not usually.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

A dog that lives longer than 12 years in a healthy way. I know that the question is looking for something like a liger, but this is more fun.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

I’ve had a lot of unusual conversations, so it’ll be hard to pick.

51. Are you a good liar?

I can be, but not if it’s for a game. Usually only when I’m trying to hide my mental or emotional health, which I haven’t done for a couple months.

52. How long could you go without talking?

I have gone several days without talking.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

I went to a super cuts once and the hairdresser gave me the choppiest haircut ever and a bunch of the strands weren’t even the same length. It was horrible.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

I’ve actually done it a lot more lately because of my allergies.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

Not well.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Peanut butter.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

I was trying to express something in therapy so it was more of an abstract piece.

58. What would be you dream car?

Something with amazing gas mileage.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I sometimes do oil pulling, where I swish coconut oil around in my mouth.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Oh boy do I. I wrote a ton of poems about aliens in high school.

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

No. I don’t really believe in horoscopes.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

X! It’s my gender marker now!

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

How about yes.

64. What do you think about babies?

I don’t really care for them and I’m definitely not having any of my own.

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

If you qualified for a wish from the make a wish foundation, what would your wish be?

I’ve thought about this one a lot, actually. When I was younger, I probably would have done something with animals, like being able to take care of them or go behind the scenes or something. I didn’t care much about the money or the big grandiose wishes like what I have now. I think I was a simple child.

#ask me #this was fun #about me

3 notes · View notes

antoine-roquentin · 7 years

Link

ARON MATÉ: It's The Real News, I'm Aaron Maté. The opioid drug crisis is the deadliest in US history. On Thursday, President Trump indicated he will formally declare it a national emergency.

DONALD TRUMP: The opioid crisis is an emergency and I'm saying officially, right now, it is an emergency. It's a national emergency. We're going to spend a lot of time, a lot of effort, and a lot of money on the opioid crisis.

AARON MATÉ: Joining me now is Dr. Gabor Maté, a physician and author of several books, including, "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction." Full disclosure, he is also my father. Hello there.

GABOR MATÉ: Hi.

AARON MATÉ: Thank you for joining us. Let's start first with what this crisis is. The figures on overdose deaths in the US are something like 140 every single day, two-thirds from opioids. Describe for us what kind of crisis we're dealing with here.

GABOR MATÉ: As the President's Commission said, every three weeks in the US you have the equivalence of a 9/11, so that every year, currently, you have 14, 15 9/11s happening. In that sense, it's reasonable to speak about it as an emergency. Another sense, of course, it's been going on for a long, long, long time, it's just that the numbers have increased in the recent years.

AARON MATÉ: The numbers and also in terms of who the victims are, right, demographically?

GABOR MATÉ: Yes. It's now been found that the life expectancy of the white, working, and middle class is decreasing because of alcoholism and drug overdoses. It's a question of who it's hitting. It was always certain sections of the population, but now it's hitting the mainstream.

AARON MATÉ: The implication there is that that's the reason why it's perhaps getting so much more attention and resources now?

GABOR MATÉ: Well, there was an article in New York Times earlier this year which said exactly that, that because it's now hitting the white middle class, people are really starting to wonder what it's all about, and what else can you do beside the usual ineffective responses. It's interesting enough that, in the 2016 election, Trump got some of the biggest support in areas that are hardest hit by alcoholism and the opioid crisis and suicides.

AARON MATÉ: Why do you think that is?

GABOR MATÉ: That speaks to the very heart of addiction and what drug use is all about. It's all about an attempt to escape from desperation. Those areas are the areas of the country with the greatest desperation. Those are the ones that most were susceptible to Trump's message.

AARON MATÉ: Okay, let's talk about that. You talk about addiction being an attempt to escape desperation. You've worked with addicts over many years. You were a physician at the Portland Hotel Society, which is a residential and hospice service for residents of Vancouver's downtown east side, an area with a huge drug problem. Talk more about that, addiction being rooted in an attempt to escape adverse conditions.

GABOR MATÉ: If you look at the opioids, what are they? The opioids have been used in medicine for thousands of years. Used for what? Used for pain relief. They're the most powerful pain relievers that we have. They don't only soothe physical pain, they also soothe emotional pain. It turns out that the same area of the brain that experiences suffering from physical pain also experiences suffering from emotional pain. In other words, the primary question in any addiction, but especially in opioid addiction, is not why the addiction, but why the pain?

We have to look at what is the pain that people are trying to escape from. For that, there are two major causes. One cause is childhood trauma. We talk about how childhood trauma actually affects the brain in such a way as to make it more susceptible to addictions later on. Childhood trauma is one source of deep pain and all the addicts I worked with have been traumatized significantly so. That's what the large scale studies in the US shows about it, the more trauma in childhood, exponentially the greater the risk of addiction. Childhood trauma is a huge problem in our society and in American society.

The other question is, what's going on right now? That's stress. What we also know is that stress makes the brain more susceptible to addiction and stress also makes people more desires of escape from the stress. If you look at what's happening socially, economically, politically, culturally, is increasing insecurity, increasing stress, increasing uncertainty, increasing difficulty for people. Therefore, people will turn to short-term measures to escape those difficulties, or at least the awareness of them, by escaping into addictions, including drug use. What we're looking at is, A, childhood trauma, and B, severe social stress. It's not surprising that the areas where Trump got the greatest support are areas of great social stress.

AARON MATÉ: Right. Taking your analysis and looking at this response now, Trump poised to, it appears, declare this a national emergency. Looking at how this problem is discussed, what do you think is missing from the conversation and from the actual policy choices that are being made to respond to it?

GABOR MATÉ: The conversation in the mainstream media and political circles, and I would say even in medical circles, largely excludes the central importance of trauma and stress. They talk about the problem of addiction as it was simply a matter of a choice that somebody makes, in which case, two things you can do. One, is you can try to deter people or at least dissuade them from making that choice. That's what your attorney general, the American Attorney General Jeff Sessions talked about, about reviving the old Nancy Reagan "Just Say No" ethic, where you're just telling people how bad drugs are and then they won't use them [crosstalk 00:06:30]-

AARON MATÉ: You know what? I'm going to cut in. It wasn't just Sessions, it was also Trump. This is him speaking just a few days ago. Let's hear what he says and you can respond to this as well.

DONALD TRUMP: The best way to prevent drug addiction and overdose is to prevent people from abusing drugs in the first place. If they don't start, they won't have a problem. If they do start, it's awfully tough to get off. We can keep them from going on and maybe by talking to youth and telling them, "No good. Really bad for you in every way." If they don't start, it will never be a problem.

AARON MATÉ: "If they don't start, it will never be a problem."

GABOR MATÉ: Yes. That, again, is based on the view that just telling people how bad drugs are will keep them from using them. If that strategy worked, why do we have the crisis right now? If the Nancy Reagan "Just Say No" and telling people how bad it is to use drugs strategy worked, why has the heroin use rate in the US gone up five-fold in the last 10 years and why the current crisis? Clearly, that doesn't work.

The reason it doesn't work is is drug addiction is not a choice that anybody makes. Nobody chooses to do that. The real question is, how do we get that information across? The problem is that the children, the young people who are listening to adults, are not the ones at risk. The ones who are at risk are not listening to adults. It doesn't matter what we tell the kids, because again, the ones that don't need it, they'll get it, and the ones who need the information won't get it, because they're the hurt ones, and the abused ones, and the alienated ones to whom this kind of message falls on deaf ears. Yes?

AARON MATÉ: No, go ahead.

GABOR MATÉ: Well, the second perspective is that addiction is this disease that people inherit. Again, that excludes looking at people's lives, looking at their childhood trauma history, at the family history, of modern generational trauma perhaps, and looking at all the social factors that put stress on people. While the addiction to the brain looks like a disease to the brain, it's truly not.

What the disease [inaudible 00:08:44] is that that disease is the result of life experiences and social factors. Simply talking about trying to stop or prevent the addiction without looking at those social factors and those personal historical factors and then when you treat people without treating their trauma and treating their pain, you [inaudible 00:09:08].

AARON MATÉ: What about the side, though, that says the main problem is the supply, especially from in the case of opioids from big pharmaceutical companies? Purdue Pharma, it's well known that they entered Oxycontin into the market in the mid '90s. They concealed some of the impacts of it and that did lead to a huge spike in addictions and overdoses.

GABOR MATÉ: It's certainly true that the pharmaceutical companies profit, and very happily, over the overuse of pharmaceuticals. That's true. It's also true that Purdue, which engaged in subterfuge that contributed to the deaths of hundreds of people, paid a very small price and none of their executives went to jail, contrary to a small-time drug dealer who's responsible for much less degradation.

That's true, however, as an American judge very astutely said that you can no more control or suppress the law of supply and demand than you can suppress or control the law of gravity. The real issue is not just the availability, because people will use something. People that need to escape will use something. If they will not use available prescription drugs, they'll use illicit heroin. There's a lot of cheap heroin available in the United States right now.

If they will not use that, they'll use crystal meth. They'll use cocaine. They'll use alcohol. They'll use something. Ultimately, while it's certainly true that the pharmaceutical companies have contributed to this, and it's also true that physicians have contributed to it because of their insufficient understanding of chronic pain and how to deal with it, ultimately we still have to look at the broad social factors. In individual cases, we have to address those factors when we're treating people.

AARON MATÉ: Right. On the issue of treatment, I went to a event recently where I heard people who have experienced dealing with rehab facilities, having loved ones who are in rehab facilities. It was just a series of complaints about these facilities did not properly address their loved ones' issues. Specifically, there was very little therapy and attempts to address people's internal pain. I'm wondering your thoughts on that, the issues that the rehab approach and then treatment in general might face?

GABOR MATÉ: The problem is that most addiction specialists, physicians, psychiatrists, and counselors do not get trained in trauma. In fact, it's quite possible, for most training physicians in the United States or in my country, Canada, to graduate without ever hearing the word "trauma," let alone learning how to deal with it.

It's not surprising that, when people go to rehab facilities, the attention and the emphasis is put strictly on the behavior of addiction and trying to get them to stop the behavior and not on the causes that made them addicted in the first place. People go to rehab and then they're never helped to integrate and deal with their emotional pain, with their trauma. They're never given the help to learn and to help them rewire their brains in such a way that they can go out there and deal with stress more effectively and more consciously, with more awareness.

AARON MATÉ: Right. As we wrap, I have two questions about the psychological dynamics of addiction. The first is one that you touched on a bit earlier. What is the neuroscience of addiction? Why is someone with trauma, with unaddressed childhood pain, more wired to become addicted?

GABOR MATÉ: Well, first of all, because of the pain itself. All addictions, in my view, are an attempt to escape from emotional pain, discomfort, distress. The more distress, discomfort, pain, shame you have, the more likely you'll want to escape from it through addictions. That's an impact of trauma. Secondly, the childhood experience itself wires the brain. This is not controversial, this is just state of the art brain science, how the human brain develops depends very much on your early environment and, particularly, the emotional atmosphere, so how connected and attuned and emotionally present or, on the contrary, how stressed, absent, perhaps traumatized themselves the parents are will actually affect the wiring of the brain.

For the healthy brain development, you need a calm, connected and non-stressed parenting environment, which is less and less available to American kids or with social circumstances. Then, thirdly, if you look at the brain circuits involved in addiction, the opioid circuits where the opioid medications work, over the incentive motivation circuits where all the drugs and all the behaviors of addiction, from gambling, to sex tend to network, if you look at the circuits of emotional stress regulation and self-regulation, if you look at the circuits of impulse regulation, where we can make decisions not to engage in something even though we want to, if we know that it's bad for us, all these circuits develop or don't develop in response to the early environment.

In other words, the greater the early stress and the trauma and the less calm and supportive the early environment, the greater the risk that person is at for addiction later on. Not to mention not only for addiction, also for mental health problems. As this interim report by the President's Commission pointed out, about 40% of substance users also have correlated mental health issues, which also need to be addressed. By the way, I would say 40% is a gross underestimate. It's probably closer to 80, 90%.

AARON MATÉ: Quite likely, they're using drugs to deal or cope with those mental health issues?

GABOR MATÉ: Very often drugs are, apart from the general escape that provide from stress and emotional pain and distress, they're also specifically self-medications for diagnosable mental conditions such as post traumatic stress, such as depression, such as anxiety, such as attention deficit hyperactive disorder, such as bipolar illness, such as social phobia and so on. Again, these conditions and their basis in trauma all have to be addressed if we're to help addicts, addicted people really overcome their problem.

AARON MATÉ: Okay, so a final question, and it's also about psychology, I'm curious your thoughts on what is the psychology of those who stigmatize addicts, who have a hard time seeing them as people in need, people with pain, more seeing them from a criminal perspective? What, in your view, is going on there?

GABOR MATÉ: That's a great question. I think there are three levels that we can distinguish here, one is on the level of thought. They just don't understand. They haven't actually looked at what drives addiction. They see it as a moral question, because this is how they've been taught, and they have no other perspective. [inaudible 00:16:59], it's just shallow thinking based on a lack of information.

On the level of emotion, though, there's a tremendous hostility towards drug users and addicts in a part of a lot of people. What is that all about? I think what that's all about is something that Jesus talked about, when he said, "Don't judge, lest ye be judged." Basically, he points out that all the judgements you make of others are always, in the end, come back to ourselves.

If you look at American society or Western society in general, it's a highly addictive culture. People have all kinds of addictions. There's not really a deep difference between drug addictions, and sex addiction, and gambling addiction, and shopping addiction, and eating additions, in terms of their causes, in terms of their brain circuits, and in terms of negative impact. What I'm saying is [crosstalk- 00:17:52]-

AARON MATÉ: Well, but listen, a lot of people would push back on that and say, "You can't compare the impact of heroin use to the impact of gambling or sex or whatever else."

GABOR MATÉ: Well, first of all, we can make a more direct comparison if we look at cigarettes use or alcohol use. You can make a direct comparison between cigarette use and alcohol use and, on the one hand, in heroin use and the other. You know what the comparison says? The comparison says that heroin use is far safer. In other words, if you take a thousand people who smoke or drink heavily or who inject heroin, as long as they don't overdose, 30 years from now, there'll be a lot more disease, a lot more death in the alcohol and cigarette groups than in the heroin group.

AARON MATÉ: This is assuming, though, that the heroin is clean, right? Obviously, street heroin is far different.

GABOR MATÉ: That's what I'm saying. We have this arbitrary decision as to what drugs are acceptable and what drugs are not. What I am saying is that people don't have the same [inaudible 00:18:59], the same negative, hostile response to smokers and people who drink. In fact, drinking is publicly advertised on the Superbowl. It's totally arbitrary.

In other words, it's fueled in emotional reaction. What I'm saying is that the emotional reaction is based on the fact that addictions are so rife in our society, we just don't want to admit it, so we want to see the addict as somehow different. We want to see them as inferior to us. Now, if we want to judge them, and then we can feel superior, and that's on the emotional level.

On the neurological level, this part of the brain here, in the front part of the brain, the mid frontal cortex, has a function which is called "response flexibility," which means that when we are confronted with the situation, we can consider the facts. We can calmly evaluate what's best and respond from a flexible, rather than an emotional reactive point of view.

Now, for a lot of people in our society, that response flexibility is not available. They tend to react from an emotional-based patterned reactive ground. They don't have the equipment themselves. They're not mindful enough to really consider what's actually going on. Instead of being responsive, they're being reactive. That reaction is an emotional one of hostility.

AARON MATÉ: Okay. Very quickly as we wrap, because we haven't talked about it yet, but it relates to what we're talking about right now, which is that clean heroin is provided to people at safe injection sites, like the one that you worked at in Vancouver's downtown east side. I'm wondering if you could talk about that quickly and the impact that that has had on the community?

GABOR MATÉ: Well, the first thing you have to realize is that much of the negative impact of drug addiction is due to the illegal situation, where people have to use unreliable supplies polluted by whatever, what medication, particularly fentanyl, which is lethal. Nobody's advocating that drugs should become legal, in the sense of being freely available on the streets or corner stores, like cigarettes or alcohol is, but there are programs in Canada and in Europe, which have provided clean heroin to confirmed addicts who cannot be helped by methadone or suboxone or other medications. These people actually get a prescription, not that they take home, but they inject in the clinic.

It's been shown over and over again that people who are given access to such programs have much less disease, passed on much less disease to other people, far more economically viable, they have better family lives and far fewer health risks and incur far smaller health cost to the system.

What I'm suggesting is that, although supplied heroin will not be the answer to most people or certainly not to everybody, but there needs to be response flexibility in the healthcare system. Right now, the approaches are way too narrow, way too reactive, and way too limited. If we actually looked at all the possible ranges of what we already know is available to us and all the programs that we could actually use here, we will do much better than we're doing right now.

AARON MATÉ: Just to clarify, in Vancouver, there's two facilities, right? There's the facility where people are provided with prescription heroin and one where they're not provided with heroin, but they can go and inject safely. I believe, in both these facilities, the overdose deaths around that area have declined sharply, right?

GABOR MATÉ: There are two clinics, yes. One is the Supervised Injection Site, where people bring their illegal drugs, but they inject them under supervision with no harassment from the police. They're given clean needles, sterile water. In other words, they don't pass on or receive disease from other people. If they overdose, they're actually resuscitated. A lot of lives have been saved.

At another clinic, just one clinic in Vancouver, they prescribe and supervise prescribed heroin to people under the principles I just explained. Now, unfortunately, Vancouver's also seen a great increase in the overdose deaths and the clinics have not been able to keep up with that because of the introduction of fentanyl and still because of the retrograde drug laws that drive people underground. We're far from having solved the problem in Vancouver, but those two initiatives have demonstrated, in many studies, a lot of promise.

AARON MATÉ: Dr. Gabor Maté, physician, author of several books, including, "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction," thanks very much.

GABOR MATÉ: Thanks for having me.

AARON MATÉ: Thank you for joining us on The Real News.

#nice father son chat

11 notes · View notes

pumpkinspicelexatte · 7 years

Note

*puts on scientist goggles* EVERY QUESTION

Random and personal questions Redacted abusers from history

1. Name:Amy Brianna Rose Meadows

2. Birthplace:Worksop

3. Ancestry: I have zero idea but apparently i have some irish family lol is all i know

4. Zodiac Sign: Gemini

5. Biggest fear:Tied between getting older and people I love abandoning me

6. Strength/Weakness: Loyalty/Stubbornness

7. Worst habit:Eating salt packets whole?

8. Favorite holiday: Halloween I guess?

9. Ever been in a car crash: Nope

10. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher: So many times

11. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house: Check tumblr lol

12. Age at first kiss:25

13. When did you fall in love for the first time: I wanna say 11 ish?

14. Who Is Your Longest Friend & How Long:

15. Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Be happier

16. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sending my girlfriend a birthday message and listening to the new paramore album

17. When was the last time you laughed hard: today with @janes-nature-garden “I guess you just have internalized drumphobia”

18. Who was the last person that told you they love you: @allisbornagain

19. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday morning: yesterday as in thursday i guess, either @allisbornagain is so cute or why are there chickens

20. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with: I guess the cinerma with my first ever girlfriend grace when i was like 13 lol

21. Who’s wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen:I have never

22. Who did you see in concert first:Thursday when they opened for MCR

23. Who was your favorite teacher:Jemma my college biology twacher

24. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day: @allisbornagain or @janes-nature-garden

25. Who do you think about most: @adorablyamy or @allisbornagain or @janes-nature-garden

26. Is your ideal occupation? If i didn’t suck at it a writer of some kind

27. Beer, wine, or liquor? I guess wine

28. Favourite restaurant? Firezza in soho is amazing but i’ve been to so many good places recently

29. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Dairy free soy vanilla

30. McDonlads or Burger King? Burger king

31. Fantasy dinner guest(s)? Alexa bliss, Poppy, Lana del rey, Hayley williams

32. Have you ever been drunk? When was the last time? lots of time, Probably the night me and jane did karaoke

33. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done drunk? probably karaoke with Jane lol

34. Wonder Woman or Cat Woman? I have no idea

35. How many pets do you have? Does a vulpix count? :p

36. What would be the first thing you bought if you won the lottery? A house so i could live with my girlfriends

37. When was the first time you smoked? Technically age 2 or 3 lol

38. Who last sent you a text? Jane

39. Who did you last send a text to? Jane

40. What 4 things would you take to a desert island? Sattelite internet, water purifier, phone , solar charger

41. Name the 3 most important people in your life? @allisbornagain @janes-nature-garden @truetrashsoulrebel

42. Favorite song? Right now it’s idle worship by paramore

43. Favorite movie? The disappearance of haruhi suzumiya

44. When did you last cuddle someone? today

45. When did you last have sex? I guess technically wednesday although weird feels lol

46. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? Internet stuff for money lol

47. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute? That i’ll never be able to be a girl

48. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? I have no idea

49. What relationships have ended? But you can’t let go? I guess there’s one online one where i still love them a whole lot and i just can’t get past it

50. Where would you take a road trip? I have no idea

51. How do Mondays feel for you? alright

52. If you could spend ten minutes with your ‘hero’ alive or dead what would you ask them? i dont know

53. Do your practice ‘self love’ or ‘self loathing’? self loathing mostly lol

54. What’s your greatest achievement to date? Escaping an awful abuser?

55. What scares you about your future? Money and fascism

56. Why does pizza come in a square box? Because delivery bags are square?

57. What would happen if you knew you could not fail? no idea

58. How does it feel to be photographed? nice sometimes

59. If you could erase an event from your mind, which one would you choose? A certain night in november

60. Do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’? Nope bpd is hell

61. Do you stand for what you believe in or are you pleasing others? I’m kinda bad at just trying to please others

62. If money were no concern, what would you do for the rest of your life? Something useful and good like volunteer

63. What are you thankful for, this moment? Actually feeling like i have a chance to live

64. Do you have same sex gender fantasies? Always

65. If you have had sex in a public place, where? Not quite but there was a bus station with em

66. Have you ever cried during/after sex? lol yep

67. Who is the oldest person you’ve had sex with? 27

68. Who is the youngest person you’ve had sex with? 21

69. Would you rather be in a relationship with a totally submissive partner or a totally dominant partner? as a polyam i can choose both right? :p

70. How tall are you? 6′3 ish

71. How much do you weigh? I have no idea, I avoid because ed related reasons

72. What color is your hair naturally? dark blonde/ light brown?

73. What size jeans do you wear? 16?

74. What is your favorite color to wear? pink or black

75. Do you have any piercings? nope

76. Do you have any tattoos? nope

77. Do you care how other people see you? very yes

78. Do you like sports? eh not really, thanks to certain podcast hosts i have a slight interest in mma lol

79. How do you feel about age differences in relationships? mostly fine as long as everyone is over 18 although huge age differences particularly way older men scream creepy power dynamic

80. How do you feel about race differences in relationships? why would that be an issue????

81. Do you believe in karma or fate? very yes

82. Do you keep a journal? nope

83. Describe the last dream you remember: making out with a tumblr follower, although one i interact more with on twitter lol

84. Describe your favorite dream:

85. Where are some places you would like to visit? Arctic to see aurora, Japan with em tbh

86. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend? not really

87. What music do you listen to when you are happy? paramore, lana , poppy

88. What music do you listen to when you are mad? paramore , lana, poppy, melanie martinez

89. Do you like to burn candles or incense? not really

90. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? wine

91. What are your favorite alcoholic beverages? prosecco is good atm lol

92. Do you smoke cigarettes or cigars? What about marijuana? only when jane gives me them :p i have before

93. Who is your number 1 friend and why is he or she there? All my friends are good, but i guess Jane has a best friend feel?

94. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member? nope

95. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? a few

96. Would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath? seems dangerous :p I’d fall in the shower lol

97. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex gender?I have only

98. Do you think your last ex still wants to be with you?ew

99. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you?no cause thats all i’ve done , well mostly , i’ve dated some nb people

100. What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual people? Amazing

101. How often do you brush your teeth?Daily, thanks exec dysfunction

102. How often do you shower? When was the last time you had a shower? most days , today

103. How often do you shave your legs?weekly?

104. Political affiliation? not sure

105. Opinion on abortion? let people do what they want /need with their bodies

106. Opinion on immigrants/ immigration reform? immigrants are in no way a bad thing

107. Should prostitution be legalized? very yes

108. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? if i could choose? like 19

109. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Capitalism?

110. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? make men not in charge

111. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Something involving looking after pets?

112. Would you break the law to save a loved one? yes

113. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? italy seems nice i guess?

114. Why are you the person you are? Abuse and trauma?

115. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Kinda although im super needy

116. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? they don’t really,

117. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? do my comfort things in public, be visibly trans

118. Were you happy when you woke up today? not really

119. What’s a fact about the last person who text messaged you? she laughs at the tube station euston cause of euston we have a problem

120. Want someone back in your life? Not anyone who would be good

121. What are you excited for? My chewable necklace thing

122. Are you scared to fall in love? not any more thanks to @allisbornagain

123. When is your next road trip? never?

124. What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? message em?

125. Do you like to cuddle? very yes

126. Have you ever kissed more than one person in 24 hours? I’ve kissed two people within five seconds of each other

127. Plans for tomorrow? Rest i’ve been told

128. Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? can’t care too much so just enough

129. How is life going for you right now? okay to good in different aspects

130. If you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept? sure

131. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? probably @catnip-brownies :p

132. Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year? yep

133. If you could have one super power what would it be? shapeshifiting seems fun

134. Background on your cell phone? Me jane and em

135. What are you thinking about right this second? Girlfriends

136. Last book you read? How was it? The sigh of haruhi suzumiya pretty good

137. What is the last thing you bought? food

138. Do you live with your parents? nope

139. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? nah my parents never cared

140. Have you ever met a celebrity? nope

141. What are you like when you’re drunk? fun and loud

142. What are you like when you’re high? emotional

143. Do you want children? idk

144. Do you want a church wedding? idk

145. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

146. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope

147. Who was your first real crush? Lauren styles a blonde girl who moved to where i lived from croydon,

148. What are you allergic to? some antiallergy meds

149. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?Meadow Meadows

150. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? girl prolly

151. How did you get your name? i chose it , inspired by someone who saved me

152. Name one thing about your body you love? My butt is pretty nice

153. What is your biggest goal in life? be happy and help people I care about be happy

154. Do you still have feelings for your ex? is hate a feeling?

155. Do you think aliens are real? yeah

156. What age did you start drinking? I guess 14 on a school trip to italy?

157. What do you think of President Obama? I don’t know enough about politics nevermind american ones

158. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Yep , nearing 6 months and 5.5 months with my gfs :)

159. Describe your dream girl/guy? furryish cute, weird, gay

167. Favorite fictional character (movie, book, tv show)? Weiss schnee right now

168. How many followers do you have on tumblr? What about twitter/ instagram? 1274 , 215 ish , 50

169. Are you friend with your parents on Facebook? hahahahahhahahahahhahahah no

170. First time you thought you were in love? When did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person?

171. Do you talk to yourself? Always, in the third person referring to myself as aimz , amyface, amykins or aimster lol

172. How old will you be on your next birthday? 26 ew

173. How did you meet the last person you kissed? On tumblr

174. Do you have any hickies?i have never

175. Turn ons? girls

176. Turn offs? boys

179. How many siblings do you have? one sister

180. Have you ever taken anyone’s virginity? ew yes

#allisbornagain

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unicornsandcharlie2 · 4 years

Text

1. What is one thing that brings a smile to your face, no matter the time of day?

David playing around, my baby cousins.

2. What’s is one thing that you’re proud of?

Being a good sister, a communicative daughter and keeping a diary for 11 years.

3. What makes you laugh?

My best friend Marina, she’s hilarious. The Receipts podcast, stan twitter, Real Housewives fight compilations, Dance Moms

4. When you’re feeling super lazy, what’s your guilty-pleasure Netflix show?

I’ve only begun watching it recently, The Thick Of It, but I haven’t watched it enough for it to be my go to.

5. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?

Telling my parents I was sexually abused as a child and who had done it.

6. What is one memory you have from childhood?

Going to the toilet in my kindergarten in Kenya and wearing the blue uniform.

7. What’s the best thing about your life right now?

Not sure. My health maybe.

8. What is one thing that you’re thankful for?

A loving and supportive family.

9. What’s one thing that you fear?

Losing my friends.

10. If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging

11. Can you tell me one thing, big or small, that you’ve never told anyone else?

I get blisters on my feet

12. If you were forced to leave your home and move to a county you’ve never been before, what are three things that you’d take with you?

My diary, laptop and my bank card.

13. What’s a favorite memory with a pet/animal?

Walking ralph and stroking him to sleep.

14. Who are you closest to in your family?

My brothers. But my mum knows the most about me.

15. What’s your family like?

Loving, invasive, safe, ever growing, loud and Eritrean

16. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Salted Caramel but I love a cheeky chocolate cornetto

17. What’s your favorite joke?

The Gregg joke

18. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?

Stapled my finger

19. If you could rewrite your past, what’s one thing you’d change?

I would kiss him back.

20. What do you think your best physical feature is?

My smile

21. What’s one thing about yourself, personality-wise, that you like?

I am an Optimist

22. When you’re feeling down, who or what is your biggest go-to person or activity?

Listening to my favourite podcasts, and talking to my best mates.

23. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Old me would have said chocolate digestives, but I am trying to be healthy so no idea mate.

24. What’s one thing you’re super passionate about?

Reading.

25. If you had to lose one of your five senses, which would you give up and why?

Sense of smell, everything else is essential.

26. What’s the hardest thing, physically, you’ve ever done?

Surviving Masawa heat in a car with 6 other people, sitting on leather seats

27. What’s the hardest thing, mentally, you’ve ever done or been through?

Coming to terms with my childhood trauma, and the latent issues it caused and manifested itself in destructive behavioural patterns.

28. What’s the best part about your job?

I do not work currently.

29. What’s one thing that defines who you are?

Reading and being a big sister.

30. If tomorrow was your last day on earth, what would you do in your last 24 hours?

Spending time with all my family, kissing my cousins incessantly, calling back to Eritrea, eating my favourite foods, swimming, go for a run, see my best friends .

31. What do you believe in, generally or faith-wise?

I believe in myself, I believe in being kind to people, I believe in being critical when necessary. I haven’t quite figured the rest out yet.

32. If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be?

I’m a Sagittarius.

33. Where’s the coolest place you’ve ever been/traveled to?

Eritrea

34. What’s one thing people would never know about you just by looking at you?

I love X men and used to read the comics a lot.

35. What’s one thing about the opposite sex that you’re attracted to?

Their backs.

36. What are three qualities you look for in a potential date?

Communicative

Compatible

Beautiful

37. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for a girl?

I got the bus all the way to the practical outskirts of London when I was like 12 to give her a lock in the shape of a heart to let her know she was still my best friends even though we went to different schools.

38. How would others describe you?

Smart, funny a little bit crazy.

39. What’s your all-time favorite memory?

Floating in a river in Turkey looking up at the sky, waking up in the morning to have breakfast with my family in Eritrea, when David says my name, my brothers giving me a hug and a kiss everytime we say goodnight.

40. What are your parents/step-parents/guardians/people who raised you like?

Eritrean, one is a Libra, the other a Scorpio. Nuff said.

41. What’s your go-to alcoholic drink?

Disarrano and coke

42. What would be your ideal first date?

Bonfire night, huddled up together to get warm, in our cute but warm winter clothes. I am drinking dairyfree hot chocolate, November has just begun, the air is crisp and cool. We look at each other, our faces illuminated by the fireworks above us, amongst all these people I know I will be safe with them. We kiss.

43. If you could have three wishes, what would they be?

1) Return back to 2016 and start life again

2)Redistribute wealth and resources to the global south and reparations to the colonised countries

3) Protect all my cousins and brothers from ever being abused.

44. If you could a full 24 hours without any work or obligations, a day to just do whatever you wanted, what would you do?

I did try this and fell into a depressive episode so..

45. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?

When Ali told me he liked my smile.

46. What is something you’re talented at?

Finding books when I have forgotten the name of the book, name of the author and really only know the obscure details of it.

47. What’s your favourite college memory?

Did not enjoy it enough to have a favourite experience.

48. What is your best friend like?

Funny, a Pisces, irreverent, kind, intelligent, athletic, adaptable, mysterious.

49. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

North London.

50. What’s one thing you want to do before you die?

Go to Antarctica.

51. If someone gave you a million dollars right now, what would you spend it on?

Put it all in savings and buy plane tickets for my WHOLE family to visit Eritrea one year so we can all see each other before my grandparents die.

52. Have you ever made a decision that changed your entire life? If so, what was it?

Telling my teachers I was having suicidal thoughts.

53. What’s your favourite thing to do on the weekends?

Read and drink tea

54. What’s your zodiac sign? And do you think it describes you?

Sag sun, Cap moon and Venus, Gemini rising. To a T.

55. What’s your biggest regret?

Too many to count.

56. What can always put you in a good mood?

A good cup of tea and Beyonce.

57. What’s your guilty pleasure snack, drink, or junk food?

Being a Barb and Chocolate digestives.

58. If you were forced to eat fast food for your every meal, what would be your top two places?

Five Guys.

59. What’s one thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish I was better being focused and also a billionaire. And to stop dwelling on the past.

60. If you had the option to hit restart and begin life all over again, would you?

YES

61. Have you ever lost someone close to you? What were they like?

In regards to death, yes my Grandfather. He loved me a lot but I couldn’t tell you anything about his personality, stoic I guess. In a broader sense of course I went to 4 different schools, so I have lost friends that way.

62. What’s your favorite social media profile?

My secret twitter, I am very wholesome on there.

63. What’s one thing that totally relaxes you when you’re stressed?

That one day everybody is going to be dead and none of this will matter eventually because our bodies are temporary things which will decay.

64. What’s a random hobby you’ve always wanted to try but never have?

Ballet.

65. When was the last time you cried, and why did you?

Cannot remember, probably a few days ago because of my academic obligations.

66. What scares you the most about the future?

Climate change and my career and my family’s health.

67. Do you want to have children someday?

Yes.

68. What do you imagine your future family will be like?

Healthy and Eritrean.

69. Have you ever done or accomplished something you never thought you could? What was it?

Yes.Telling people about my abuse.

70. What’s one thing you could never live without?

Pen and paper

71. Who is one person you could never live without?

Myself, literally.

72. What’s your favourite vacation place?

Eritrea.

73. Would you rather go out or stay in on a Saturday night?

Go out ( but I don’t very often )

74. What’s your favourite quote, line of poetry, or sentence?

“You don’t have to change, you just have to learn how to live with yourself”

75. What’s your favorite family memory?

I don’t know.

76. What’s one thing that helps you decide you can trust someone?

If they are measured, if I can relax around them.

77. Have you been in love before?

No.

78. How would you explain what ‘love’ is?

Still loving them and wanting the best for them when you are extremely angry.

79. Have you ever gotten your heart broken?

Yes.

80. What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself from a past relationship?

I am not as slick as I think I am and physical affection makes me feel nervous.

81. What’s your biggest pet peeve?

People moving my shit and not telling me where it is,

82. What’s one thing that’s a total turn off?

Ignorance.

83. What’s one thing that’s a total turn on?

A nice voice.

84. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for a girl?

I don’t fucking know?!

85. What’s your go-to drink/food/activity when you’re sick and in bed?

Tea and biscuits and spicy noodles.

86. What’s the scariest thing that ever happened to you as a kid?

Watching Taken and having very vivid nightmares about it afterward.

87. Who in your family, immediate or extended, are you the most similar to?

Henok.

88. Where do you see yourself in five years?

Happy, and thriving.

89. What’s your favorite song or artist?

Fast Car- Tracy Chapman.

90. What would be your dream job?

Getting paid to read the books I want.

91. If you were writing a book about your life, what would the title be?

I don’t know what’s going on either

92. What’s your favorite word?

Sefanit. It used to be unrealistic.

93. What keeps you up at night?

My academic obligations, trauma, the idea of never being happy and the internet.

94. What’s your go-to phrase?

Good for her.

95. What’s one silly, little-kid item that you still have somewhere hidden in your room?

My unicorn pet pillow, Hayley.

96. Who is someone that’s impacted your life or helped you become who you are?

Myrto- my therapist.

97. What’s one thing you want to achieve before you die?

Go to Antarctica.

98. What’s your favorite book?

This book will save your life by AM Homes.

99. What’s one thing, silly or serious, that you’re guilty of?

Swearing a lot.

100. What makes you blissfully, completely, smile-from-ear-to-ear happy?

Reading, a good cup of tea with chocolate digestives, my best friends jokes, when David says my name, having fun with my mum, my dad calling me sweetie, hearing the right playlist at the right time and clean sheets

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