#me showering my mutuals with love

[misc-obeyme]

CC HOW ARE WE DOING??

I can’t shut about the new barb drop I need to harass my barb moots 😩

AHHHH.

Listen if there's one thing I'm completely unhinged about, it's Barbatos and OMG OMG that CARD.

The only thing I ever felt I'd spend my one UR+ voucher on is the Barbatos shower card... and I had enough of those ridiculous UR+ jokers to skill level up. Spent all my Grimm unlocking the devil's tree to get to that premium card because I HAD to have it on my homescreen. Promptly lost my mind over his lines and the cute little indulgent laugh he does asdlkfkjf.

I am not at all feeling like I wanna write a nsfw scenario based on the one line he says nope definitely not.

It's really such a pretty premium picture, too. Like we get his lovely smile and all that SKIN and his beautiful hair and then there's like that window with the moon in the background even?!?

LOL what I'm totally normal I swear.

ANYWAY I hope he comes home to you as well if he hasn't already!!

#I am manifesting shower!Barb for all my fellow Barb lovers #he is perfect #he is the light of my life #barbatos my true love #obey me #obey me barbatos #arvandus #cc mutuals #misc answers

[i-wiggle-i-squirm-bc-i-am-a-worm]

So I got distracted while re-reading One Does Not Love Breathing by @wackus-bonkus-maximus (seriously go read it if you haven’t yet, it’s fantastic <3) and I got itching to draw this scene from chapter 5 sdfghjhgfdshg I sWEAR it breaks my heart

but anyways...

go read it go read it go read it-

#now I can finally get back to reading once I finish studying #this fic has me in a chokehold #I hope it's ok that I posted w/o asking lol #I usually always ask fic writers permission before I start drawing but my brain just needed to draw this sdfghjhgfds #and then I remember we were mutuals (the highest honour when your fics literally started me on interracting with the fandom lol) #and I was like!!!! I can post!!!! #miraculous ladybug #miraculous lb #odnlb #adrien agreste #ml ladybug #marinette dupen chang #ladrien #techically this scene is??? #being on break let's me shower this fic with as much love as I've been itching to give it #I don't always have the energy lol but better late than never right? #wigglys art

[raytm]

I know I don’t technically owe anyone and explanation but I want to put out there what’s going on and why I may have distanced myself or ended up losing mutuals because of cut contact.

on October eleventh my cat of eighteen years got put to sleep, which, has left me feeling empty and without reason to really do anything ? I was still working for a while and managing things but it progressed to a point where I was pacing any minute I was not doing anything and couldn’t sleep, spent the nights pacing the length of our property sometimes for hours at a time. my mum took me to the ER and they gave me sedatives which while acted to soothe it for a little bit didn’t solve the issue. when I returned home and was still exhibiting the symptoms she confronted me saying my cat was dead and I needed to get over it which ? was the last straw for me, she was screaming I was cowering it wasn’t fun. since then I’ve been staying with a friend who has taken me in and I’ve made progress but sleeping at night is still panic inducing for me and even with medication sometimes the insomnia still wins, I’ve been to the ER a few more times over the past two months and thankfully the pacing has stopped but the sleeping issues haven’t improved to the point where I’m able to sleep normally ? I still don’t know when it’s going to happen. I’m getting my PC from my mums house on the 28th so hopefully I’ll be able to write again but with how exhausted I am it can be difficult to even do the things I need to function day to day. I’ve had to give up my jobs as well so it’s just ? An on going ordeal. It’s been a rough two months but tbh I didn’t think I was going to make it to Christmas and I have so I’m just quietly hoping it improves even if it is slowly.

#animal death / #parental abuse / #I don’t consider it abuse per se but she chased me out of my home but showing not an ounce of sympathy #and the screaming in my face just made me need to leave #I don’t know when I’ll be recovered and I can only take a day at a time but #any mutual I’ve had throughout the year who has plotted or chatted with me I love you #but I’m so exhausted ALOT of the time just from showering and eating #and I feel so much guilt for it too #here’s to hoping next year is a recovery year and that things do improve further than this #but I’m not a walking zombie all the time like I was at the start of November when I left home #ooc

[enigmasandepiphanies]

I think some of y'all (people in uni) were never 15 and read, "we accept the love we think we deserve" and sobbed while reading perks of being a wallflower and it shows

#gift giving is not a competition to some of us bestie #love is not conditional #dont make me overwhelmed by making our mutual friends bday a fucking competition #thank god her best friend also agrees and we are both her best friends so we know #but just why are people so #like this insecurity with love is so insane #people who want to see your love will see your love at the end of the day and if they don't keep being the lighthouse around please #anyway in other good news spoke to the cool batchmate i always wanted to talk more with and she was also like bro i love having convos with #you lets hangout and so we ate dinner walked and talked about history partition cultural stories my ex friend's bisexuality crisis which was #so similar to hers also takked about my cultural crisis family stories her firefly house urdu poetry her boyfriend my career pospects #so yayy i guess but so tired presentation was good prof questioned a lot cause he literally knows my source text authors its his friend in #uni and this girl said he'll take us out for drinks on last day of course so yayyyyyyy #my roomie and her bf constantly talk eh that is but i am gonna shower play my playlist till i sleep #today has been something but atleast i will have dinner with a new person tomorrow as well so yayyyy #life is just being very overwhelmed lately and i just hope people i love know that i love them and i am missing them even though #they live a floor above from me or live miles away too actually #eni life stories

[ashfdhfgdsfk]

might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by

#depresso rant incoming skipp all this if you dont wanna hear it #txt #el/ena might have to become a deadname for lack of a better word sjdhfg #putting the slash because im beyond paranoid now #nothing on this earth is sacred i feel like ive lost the only safe space i had left #would you guys call me some silly name if i asked :-( fuck #shit im so hurt this is the worst #trying to be positive so im not just a huge drag but im so isolated in my real life and as stupid as it sounds #tumblr was becoming a little home id carved out for myself #and i feel like im never going to feel safe here again #but in order to tell you guys about a new blog url ill have to post about it which means they might see it too and uagshfg #and god it doesnt even matter bc my arts out there anyway and a few random 10k+ note posts so theres a chance theyll find me no matter what #and shit i loved so many of my old urls but i cant ever reuse them and i feel like im seriously losing my fucking mind trying to hide #like tumblr and having you guys was the only thing keeping me going through all this shit and it feels like ive lost all of that comfort #this is gonna be the worst fucking birthday ever dude just for that extra cherry on top like i seriously have nothing going for me rn SJDHG #denver and a few lovely mutuals to keep me kicking but oughgf #i feel sick #feel like i need to shower and scrub my soul raw to get this vile ass feeling out #god im sorry to be negative i rlly am i try to keep things cheery round here but im styeadily reaching my limit #and i want to reblog stuff to comfort myself but i dont want to reblog anything in case theyre watching and fuck im so dfjsfgjksfjkgsfkdgh #i could really go for a hug right about now s'all

[browntrait]

YOU GUYS ARE GONNA MAKE ME CRY TYSM FOR ALL UR NICE WORDS MY HEART IS GONNA EXPLODE!!!!!

* and to the weird men in my dms, pls stop ??

#ive rlly grown to love myself more over the yrs #and i feel so so affirmed by y’all 🥺 #i have the sweetest most kind mutuals in the whole world #the baby shower was sooo sweet i had a lovely time #my friend has the cutest bump ever #and i cant wait to meet my new lil bestie #shes gonna be sittin at brunch w us in a couple months lol #makes me sooo excited for the future #ahhh!! a lot of feelings rn #im crying tears of joy #k's words #rant in tags #ofc

[milkiangl]

Do you have any blog recs? <3

i have so so many but here are some of my favorites: @claireunoia @n0agranger @fairystreet @blondedmuse @amourrs @daintygfs @oncasette @heartspiked @heartshapedcigarette @spideyheart @angelbbykisses @snowflakeicicles @metroiras @moonlitmeeks @milkiane @desireav @blacksta4 @sunricecake @wiltedloves @saintlessmunson @sqpphos @applemew @unsheath @nottluvr @vngeqnce !

#my love letters ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ #i would tag all my mutuals if tumblr allowed me :( #go shower these talented angels with love!! #you must right this minute!!

[dragonheartstring360]

where there is no proof, there is no love

#like this IS how this is supposed to work right? #like you can’t just say you love someone #then constantly ignore them and make a show of showering other people with love? #like aren’t friends supposed to mutually reach out and check in and invite each other to things #and then have open and honest but nice convos about feelings and stuff #vs just snap their heads off when someone else asks for clarification #like doesn’t love follow a show don’t tell policy #like I could be going through the worst shit of my life but if you need me I’ll be there #isn’t that how that’s supposed to work #I’m genuinely so confused #or is this just CPTSD and autism fucking with how I view the rules of relationships and the friendship formula #personal #personal rant #cptsd #autism spectrum disorder #autism #left out friend #genuinely confused

[bunn-iiii]

thanks tik tok for causing the worst paranoid breakdown I've had in about two years

#i love tik tok almost consistently making me paranoid to extreme lengths every other month #i never asked for this. #i never wanted that kind of content. #i never looked it up or liked it #i want to be able to block tag there cause making me feel so unsafe that i can't even shower isn't fucking okay #but i still really want to see all of the edits there and see what my mutuals post #but if this fucking continues I'll probably delete the app or something #or at least never scroll on it just keep it around to look at my saved posts #tw paranoia #tw vent

[bearsgrove]

im going to Fucking CRY i love my friends

#river.txt #even kyle the guy i hated and didnt consider my friend showed me better treatment recently than my one close friend #so we have been all over the place and they kinda made me feel like shit today and really upset me #so then i talked to one of our mutual friends about that and i was surprised at the kindness he has shown me #and later today i wanted to join my pvp gang for private matches but i didnt join vc because my close friend (the one who upset me) was ther #*there with them #and in chat they asked like whats up why no vc #and i was like i wont join while [name] is there they made me feel meh and im not even staying long #to which they all typed in the chat ''we love river!!!!'' and tried to make me feel nice and cozy #and ok ngl That made me cry like i just love them #and then i was going insane so i decided to consult kyle (whom i usually dont vibe with but lately i just feel like.. i can) #and he also shower me so much support and understanding i just #wasnt expecting it #anyway i love them all #not to mention earlier today we were raiding and one guy kept messing up my pronouns and they all corrected him ;-; #like sooner than i could!! they just all stepped in for me #im crying again

[strawheart-pirate]

Just know whenever I see the blogs I look up to, that are like a deity to me, liking my posts or even following me I giggle and kick my feet in the air 🫶

#followers #mutuals #i have beautiful follower and mutuals #whenever you like my posts I want to shower you with love #you mean a lot to me

[mightbesmall]

a lil tier list i made on how well i'd get along with twst characters (-rollo cause i forgot him). not my original idea btw, i just thought it was neat.

DEUCE'S MUM HAS GOT IT GOIN' ONNN!!!😍😍

I don't like neige at all tbh.

And i'm petty asf and don't like being watched so no matter how much i adore rook, we wouldn't get along after book 5. Jamil just wouldn't like me nor would leona honestly.

#Brrr is rambling #twisted wonderland #i'd love to shower the wet cat idia with affection! #if you couldn't tell #please mrs. spade #give me a chance! #i'd like to think i'd get along with floyd and jade due to my track record of friends #can't say for sure but i'd certainly overlook any red flags #(as long as they stop terrorizing my cat) #i'd cook for ruggie and give him cash #he deserves it #i would come to vil for advice on how to look my best and hype him up #it would be a mutual relationship #i love to kiss my homies goodnight💙 #i think i'd just be a hype-man tbh

[hua-fei-hua]

alright whenever you have time (and also the energy) I would love to hear your thoughts on the lantern rite epilogue! Have a good day <3

we're going to pretend that people following me will care abt genshin 3.4 lantern rite spoilers so we're gonna put my entire deranged mess under a cut hahaha

*gently holds* MY XVS......

truly this lantern rite had EVERYTHING although truth be told, like, the way venti was kind of shoehorned in was a little disappointing. i felt a little bit baited by the way the 3.4 TRAILER HAD THAT ONE CUT RIGHT where it goes from VENTI PLAYING THE LYRE in the harbor to XIAO LOOKING UP AT THE FIREWORKS outside of wangshu inn, and then we see the xiao bit in the actual cutscene on day 2, but absolutely none of venti until the epilogue. and also we never see venti playing the lyre during the event story so it's like. whoever edited that pv absolutely had xv on the brain. like. what the hell was that it was magical i feel higher than a boat right now

BUT ANYWAY like i don't even care how obviously shoehorned in venti felt bc the interactions were all SO PERFECT i love love loved them. i loved the way hu tao just RAN INTO WANGSHU INN and started shouting for xiao, and then talked death to him until he was like "yeah sure i'll go to your dinner". they are so besties i love them their friendship is everything to me.

THE WAY. XV INTERACTED. IN FRONT OF US. xiao just like "well. um. there's this. um. um." TOTAL PANIC MODE n venti had to SAVE HIM with like "huuuh? did you forget already? i'm a bard!" like HELLO why do they need a COVER STORY why are they making up COVER STORIES TOGETHER WHAT WERE THEY DOING TOGETHER IN THE MARSH EARLIER like what kind of GAY SHIT--

also i'm pretty sure when xiao started explaining his relationship to venti, venti fluttered his lashes at him. like, i recorded the whole quest (bc i didn't last year with the final part n i REALLY WISH I HAD bc i STILL remember the dRAMATIC GASP i had when we had that one beiguang moment in the cutscene), and when i rewatched it earlier i was like. "HANG ON. DID HE JUST FLUTTER HIS LASHES" n rewatched it like three times. maybe my game was just stuttering BUT IT DEFINITELY LOOKED LIKE IT and maybe i'll gif it when i get home from work tonight

BUT ANYWAY (2) point is that the expression work this time was ON POINT like whoever's doing all that over at mhy hq needs to get a raise pronto. venti going (¬‿¬) at all the other immortals was so immaculate. you aren't subtle little man!!!

it's probably just shipper goggles on to an extent, but i feel like the xv implications were really strong this time around, with the parallels to that fontch guy's ancestor, and the guiping n everything... i'm kind of disappointed that we don't get to actually hear any of venti's unobstructed thoughts on xiao; like the ribbing n implications at the dinner are a lot of fun (like, they were totally making out in the marsh before dinner. we all know this. it's very clear imo), but it kind of makes me wonder why we can hear xiao like... do his Very Heavy Implying abt venti's importance to him (though again, he doesn't outright say anything-- we know the full extent n depth of xiao's feelings abt venti (romantic or not) bc we can read his character stories, so technically really he hasn't told us jack squat in the current canon timeline), but the best we get from venti are smug expressions. those expressions are very telling, ofc, but a very unhinged part of me wishes that mhy didn't feel the need to wrap up the xv in layers of allegory and metaphor and just outright heard one of them say, "this person is very dear to me." i know it's just the rabid shipper in me, and i need to be sedated, but i was really kind of hoping that we'd see the allegory w/the fontch guy's ancestor n madame ping lifted away at the end n, like, see or hear it be bound to xv outright. just for purely self-indulgent purposes o(--(

but anyway (3) i also love love loved all the playful ribbing, witty banter, and prev event callbacks btwn the characters!! hu tao n venti canonically making a pact to be poetry friends was SO GOOD you just KNOW hu tao is gonna commission venti to compose a JINGLE for wangsheng advertising purposes later, while zhongli n xiao are like, "this meeting never should have happened. we are all doomed." somehow i legitimately forgot that xq n venti know each other from irodori n was like, "...huh?" when xq mentioning knowing venti for like, a FULL two seconds. the way venti was like "damn you know i was right outside this entire time. can you believe the way some people ignore the wind?" n zhongli was like "hahaha (✿◡‿◡) the harbor is very busy this time of year (✿◠‿◠) it is very hard see or hear an individual person's whereabouts (^人^)"

AND ALSO. PAIMON BEING ELECTED AS THE "MOST DISTINGUISHED GUEST." PAIMON YOU GOT IN THE WAY OF MY DERANGED SELF-DELUSIONMENT MANY TIMES THIS LANTERN RITE BUT THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY. i thought it was interesting how no one nominated venti. like i was kind of expecting xiao to do it (but ofc he nominates traveler) which is fair honestly, n then i was like "IS LUMINE GONNA NOMINATE VENTI????" but then she nominated paimon n paimon was like "wait... me?????" n it was just EXACTLY like a bunch of adults telling the little kid they are the most specialest ever n they should have the honor of doing The Thing. as that little kid growing up, i know the feeling very well lol

there are other bits i'm just,,, rotating around in my mind, like venti and kazuha hanging out on the alcor, the way xiao goes "i can't taste the difference in xiangling's special almond tofu" when you go visit him afterwards, ALL THE GANQING THAT HAPPENED IN THE MAIN STORY I'M SO HAPPY FOR THEM I'M SO HAPPY FOR ME I WON VERY HARD THIS LANTERN RITE, n like,,, yeah!!!!

#asks #anonymous #(at my non genshin followers/mutuals) I'M SORRY FOR BEING DERANGED. EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN DERANGED FOR OVER A YEAR N A HALF #it's funny bc i never apologized for abruptly changing fandoms before gnshn. the shame of gacha gaming never dies lmao #ANYWAY i'm pretty sure venti just ate off of xiao's plate the entire dinner. 'let me get you another set of cutlery' says hu tao #'okay sure!' venti replies; already stealing xiao's chopsticks n eating all his food bc it's not like xiao's eating all that much #plus. i was thinking of that spices in the west event. n how to my surprise venti liked the almond tofu n grilled tiger fish... #been getting a lot of kudos on my xv fics these last few days hahaha; i mentioned to star yesterday that the saucy xv thing i wrote #waaaay back in late july is like 290 hits away from entering my top five ao3 fics by hits #and if that happened it would do what j/jk had never been able to do (which is break the b//nha chokehold over my hits stats) #(j/jk broke my records on bookmarks tho n i'm very proud of that i love you diner fic) #n star said we should throw a party if the saucy xv fic made it to top five n i was like. #a 'thank you to all the thirsty people for dethroning the shadow of b/nha that lives over me at all times' party???? #n she was like 'yes. i think that is a wonderfully apt title' LOL #in the shower yesterday i was thinking abt the xvx week happening on twt n i Do have smth saved for the free day #this oneshot i started last july n then didn't finish until like two or three weeks ago but in the shower i was like #'muse... muse... you know it would be kind of fun if...' n i started thinking abt that livejournal au i came up w/as a joke months ago #so maybe i'll write smth real fast for that hahaha

[caramiaaddio]

literally can’t wait for everyone around me to chill it with the whole being happy and in love thing because I am now in a constant state of pining for my ex

#the logical part of me knows I need to move on! the feelings are not mutual! it’s been years if it was going to happen it would have! #face the reality that you’re the only one still missing what you had and move on!!!! #but then I see people getting married and having babies and all my dumb stupid heart can think is #‘hey remember when you thought you were gonna have that with your ex? but now you can’t? because your feelings are unrequited?’ #and then it’s just me thinking about my ex and pining in the middle of a bridal shower #it’s the perfect storm of hey I’m still a little in love and will probably be for the rest of my life #and also the pure insecurity of someone loving me until I became who I am now #and it’s like was it my personality? was it my body? am I just unlovable? #idk its just getting bad again I went to the movies and all I could think about was our first real date and our first kiss #down absolutely tremendous #so if people could stop being in love so I could focus on other things. that would be great #although honestly it’s kind of a periodic thing now like every couple months I’ll have a period of pining

[worldhell-archiving]

💕

🐝  *  ―  let’s bring some more positivity to the rpc by brightening someone’s day ! anonymously or not, send 💕 or ( ‘HEART’ ) for me to randomly pick one of my mutuals and write at least two things about why i love seeing them on my dash, writing with them, talking to them, etc.

@spatzenn

Two things would be an injustice to the intensity of love and admiration I have for spatzen! I am so heavily invested in everything they write on their blog because oh my god it's absolutely beautiful. I am genuinely in awe? At how wonderfully abstract and detailed their writing is that I do, without a doubt, read everything they post with heart eyes. The Levi portrayal?? The inner thoughts?? The description of his emotions that level on complete canon and immensely descriptive depth?? Do they know they own my heart?? It's inspiring!! How beautifully they write their Levi and bless the dash along with all my dearest and precious mutuals. Anyone and everyone who write Levi are so, so impressive, that I give them my soul, my body, my life.

If you are not following spatzen you are doing yourself and me a disservice because wow WOW WWOWOWOWOW marry me thank you. Seriously though a fantastic and friendly (AND SO WELCOMING AND EASY TO APPROACH) writer with a beautifully written muse who can and should kick my ass. Kisses, smooches, my love- I cry real tears, of how much I appreciate and admire.

#༊*·˚ ooc. ◞ ― mun speaks *ೃ༄ #spatzenn #(I am a simp for my mutuals) #(so please send me more so I can shower!! everyone!! with the love they deserve!!!)

[boomerang109]

i feel sad, but truly i think i am bitter and tired. last night, i almost made a mistake that could’ve been fatal. i wonder why my psychiatrist didn’t think to mention that alcohol mixed with my medication could be fatal? i am newly 21, i enjoyed two drinks to celebrate, and then when i got home, what if i hadn’t been responsible enough to check the interactions. what if i had foolishly trusted in another? trusted my psychiatrist to have done her job, to have warned a newly 21 year old that this new medication could not be taken with drink. i’m lucky i know better than to trust, but i wake up longing. longing for someone to trust, someone there who cares if i woke up, who will sit by my side as i struggle to get out of bed, who will care if i eat or not. i am bitter because i have to go home for the summer and be this person for my father. i have to be smiles and sunshine and warmth and encouragement, even though i will be nothing more than a child watching their father fall apart. i know my father’s pain (of being alone with a debilitating health condition, of being too deep in mental illness to even admit an issue) too well to leave him alone, to say “no, i am newly 21 and i don’t want to come home and care for you, i need to care for myself.” i know such a boundary would be fair, but i wake everyday alone and it hurts. i cant inflict that on someone who’s asked me to be there. i’ve long known that my life wasn’t about me, it was about stopping others from feeling so miserable as i do. and i can do that for my dad. but i feel sad and alone, i am bitter and tired

#don’t reblog #this isn’t meant to discount any mutuals/irls who do give me lovely support #i just. I have to fight to get out of bed. to eat. to shower. and then I’m expected to do all of these things on top. it’s a lot #boom’s bad days #death tw #tw death #tw suicide #tw suicide mention #<<<which it wouldn’t have actually been it fully was a not knowing my meds. but I’d rather over tag for triggers yknow? #tw drugs #tw depression #tw alcohol