#me) then i freak out because the fixation was less of a genuine like- what 5th grade me wouldve called a crush- and more of just

[aropride]

i love psychoanalyzing myself and i refuse to do anything about the realizations i have

#text #i think i will fixate on people i find both attractive and unattainable #Because subconsciously i think it will protect me somehow. and when thats threatened (by them expressing interest in #me) then i freak out because the fixation was less of a genuine like- what 5th grade me wouldve called a crush- and more of just #finding someone attractive and using that as a shield. Bc if they are presumably unattanable -> they wont express interest in #me -> i wont feel scared &such by them expressing interest in me -> their unattainability means it feels safer in my brain because its an #impossibility. if that makes sense #'unattainable' being a very loosely defined term #and unfortunarelt the 'feeling safer' thing dpesnt. really work anymore. i just get scared anyway #neg #🐀 tag

[penelope-kat]

So I'm a little dissatisfied with the ending of F&C (btw totally fine to disagree, this is just my opinion. Also it's just a show ok let's all be mature here).

Let me be clear: I don't hate the ending; I think the rest of the show is amazing, AND while I LOVE the message of Simon and Betty moving on from each other and being able to be ok without each other, it felt really disingenuous for the show to say that Betty was more obsessed with Simon when they're clearly both complete freaks for each other?

Simon's whole thing in the original show whenever he was lucid was about how much he missed Betty, how fixated he was on her, and how he'd do anything to get her back, or at least be able to talk to her one more time. Marceline is always talking about how Simon was constantly obsessed with finding Betty again when she was little, and Ice King's whole character and obsession with kidnapping princesses stemmed from Simon desperately wanting to find Betty again.

All relationships have flaws, but I feel like this wasn't the right flaw to give their relationship. Simon and Betty's relationship was flawed because they were super obsessed with each other, not because Betty was more obsessed with Simon than Simon was with her. I guarantee that Simon would have done all the same shit Betty did if the roles were reversed and Betty had put on the ice crown instead, like I have not a single doubt in my mind.

It also makes Simon look a lot less emotionally intelligent and empathetic, which is like yeah, people don't always see how they hurt their loved ones, but you're really telling me he NEVER ONCE did anything Betty wanted to do? Never?? And Betty is a strong-willed woman, we always see that. She's unhinged. I love her. I feel like Simon would have picked up on her wants, too, especially since they were implied to have been together for a long time given, you know, they've co-written books and explored the world together and all. Simon ADORED Betty, and he's always been shown to be very empathetic and insightful, even at his worst during F&C! I highly doubt after all that time with Betty he would have never even considered doing her stuff. Do you really think Mr Semen Peggtricock over here, the final-boss of pathetic submissive twinks, took the reins on every aspect of anything they did together? I know that man gets his bussy destroyed three nights a week by Betty's 12 inch strap and whimpers under her weight m'kay there's no WAY he never ever once listened to what she wanted to do.

I do appreciate that the show doesn't make Simon or Betty out to be monsters or bad people or anything, and I do think in the context of Simon and Betty's stories, them going different ways makes the most narrative and thematic sense since their obsession with each other did end up severely negatively-impacting both their lives. Also, it was heavily implied that Betty reincarnated after blowing Simon sending Simon back to Ooo, so she won't be fused with Golb for all eternity in infinite loneliness. Uh that also makes me feel way better about the ending too lol.

But the specific point of "Simon didn't appreciate Betty enough".. it just doesn't sit right. That man spent collective decades mourning the loss of Betty, his princess, and all he really wanted was to be with her. He understood how brilliant she was, he loved her for it. Yes, he almost gave up her sacrifice that made him Simon again, but can you really blame him for that? He was super depressed and genuinely believed it would be the best thing to do in order to protect the little gay people in his head. He wasn't doing it to punish Betty, he'd never do that. Tbf I haven't seen many people claim he did it to punish Betty, I can just see that being a reachable conclusion for someone watching who already wasn't too keen on how their relationship had been portrayed thus far.

Betty was right: they did make their choices. And that means her choices too, choices that she literally took ownership of in the same breath, so it's weird for the show to imply only she would have gone to the lengths she did in their relationship.

Honestly the topic of overcoming obsession makes perfect sense to explore for BOTH of them. Betty having had time to think about it for 12 years as a chaos god, and Simon still being hung up because he blames himself for everything that happened. They were both equally obsessed with each other, and that mutual obsession destroyed both their lives. Now they need to be able to move on and, in Simon's case, keep living, even though Betty isn't around anymore, because his life as Simon Petrikov MATTERS.

Also before anyone brings up Temple of Mars that episode SLAPS it's GREAT and yes it is about Betty's obsession with Simon, but I always found it to be more of a "wow things became so screwed up. It's a shame Betty didn't go on her trip but the happiness she had with Simon was clearly worth it to her, it's just crazy how something like her missing a trip to be with him evolved into her time traveling into the future and losing her mind trying to save him". It wasn't really an episode about how bad Simon was for her in the beginning, it was like "holy shit girlie we need to get you on mood stabilizers ASAP cuz this shit is CRAZY".

Yeah I dunno how to wrap this up. Didn't mean to make anyone upset: I'm still shaky about how I feel on all of this and just wanted to get my thoughts out there. Opinions are valid! Even if you don't agree, I hope you can see where I'm coming from :)

Have a good night!

#long post #adventure time #fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #simon petrikov #betty grof #petrigrof #text #critique #stop!!! being mean to him!!!!! #my favorite little guy!!!! #im like that meme “he would not fucking say that” lol #feeling r weird about this one gang. why everything gotta feel so weird? #F&C was great i just think it had some problems here and there

[voidbuggg]

🍕💼🎯🥊❤️✂️🧊🍀🌂🙌🍎💎🍩 gib me scrunkly lore plz 🥺

yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaa thank you so many aahh, once again since this is a Big One I am gonna throw these under the cut/zaza pic :3

🍕 - What is their favourite food? Since we’ve established the gas station snack food thing I’ll make another addition that isn’t dependent on a modern setting: jerky, generally anything crunchy. Any setting in which chips (or even crackers) exist you can bet he’s gonna be scarfing those fuckers down.

💼 - What do they do for a living? Ok so this is funny; in everywhere except the very scuffed ass modern/fc5 AU he mainly just steals shit. If asked why he’s always very ideological about why he does it, very particular about his targets but ultimately yeah. Whatever he can’t obtain via his weirdo hermit ass lifestyle he just forages in other peoples’ homes and businesses for. He could probably make some bank selling the shit he makes if he had any tolerance for the prospective buyers but that is not going to happen because stealing is less annoying.

🎯 -What do they do best? Answered HERE

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do? Loves to fucking chill idk. If left to his own devices he would probably just roam around, climb some mountains, build some dumb shit, make a campfire, play guitar, who knows. As for hate. uhm. I don't think there's any day-to-day activity that he genuinely cant stand. Like he doesn't particularly like going to pick up the mail or answering the door but like it's not the end of the world. He definitely hates when things are done TO him though lmao- he hates being touched except by a VERY specific few people, otherwise expect to lose an arm.

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories? Answered HERE <3

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories? There was a prominent antagonist in the main RP I did with him, a dracolich who managed to push his buttons like no one else could and more or less took away everything that he held dear. Needless to say Eran went full murder mode, forgot how to be human for a few years, the whole nine yards. I could gush about that RP for hours it is my favourite thing I’ve done with Eran like ever

🧊 - Is their current design the first one? I went and tracked down a specil [ EXCLUSIVE !! ] piece of sprinkle history: behold scrackle circa 2009.

Needless to say the current design is slightly different. Having said that I think I had the basics of his design dialed in within the first few years.

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC? I can’t explain this without sounding like an insane person, but it involves a fixation that 13yo bug had with a popular Canadian country-rock band. It’s all completely irrelevant now but it is funny to think about. There were comics.

🌂 - What genre do they belong in? For a long time I had him really locked in to fantasy stuff but I am less and less enamoured with that genre as time goes on for a few different reasons. It’s familiar and comfortable for me certainly, and Eran has BY FAR the most ‘lore’ in his original, fantasy-ish canon. So I’m not sure if that counts as belonging but it’s certainly his origin. Even then that's more of a setting than a genre so I'll expand on that- I think there are certain elements that make an Eran story successful in my eyes, that aren't limited to fantasy. I need him to be able to do crimes, be a Wild Boy and generally be more of a freak than a modern setting would typically allow (not to 100% trash the FC5 au but it definitely needs…something). I think it would be funny to put him in a heist movie. I’ve always liked him best when leaning heavily into the drama, character study sort of shit.

🙌 - How many sibling does your OC have? One brother, Ash, whom he hates.

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like? Bad! His whole family is a cult in its own right more or less and Eran really doesn’t want anything to do with them. It's admittedly something I haven't fleshed out toooooo much. E's very much a 'keep moving forward' type of guy so naturally his family past stuff has not had too much attention.

💎 - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC? I have had him beef it before- obviously it’s been in self contained storylines. As for anything more permanent- hard to say. I never want to rule out the possibility entirely. I definitely feel like I’ve exhausted my writing options for him at the moment so that seems close to death in a way. I can draw the little bastard until the end of days but coherent story content has been…. Lacking. :|

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival? I don’t feel like he’s had a ‘nemesis’ really in any of the main stories. His scraps tend to be against larger organisations, the world around him or his own dumb ass decisions. I think his most persistent ‘enemy’ has been a Mages’ Guild (also from ‘The RP’ I keep blabbing on about) which he angered on many different occasions though not without good reason. ;)

#thank you for all of these twas fun #post office #eran #scrunkly lore

[holding-monsters-hands]

I saw you headcanoned Slappy as autistic, would you be willing to write headcanons for that manifests in him and other slashers/characters you feel are autistic?

ABSOLUTELY OMG

Also note: I am mostly basing these off of my own experiences as an autistic person, and from the other autistic people in my life! if these don’t apply to you it does not make you any less valid! you’re wonderful no matter what! :3

Characters that I HC as autistic:

Of course, there's slappy! I feel this one STRONGLY not only because he's a huge comfort character of mine and a fixation, but some of my headcannons for him in particular include:

He bites to show affection JJSHJSD, like?? he has pretty good control on his jaw strength but trust me your ankles WILL get bit by him.

In my opinion he’s pansexual, what does this have to do with autism you may ask? well it’s proven that a large percentage of autistic/neurodivergent people are usually queer or at least queer adjacent!

He appears to be very blunt or rude! when in actuality he’s just being honest, he doesn’t like to beat around the bush! so why sugarcoat things when you can just get straight to the point?

Taking things INCREDIBLY literally, like you could tell he doesn’t always get common phrases or sayings at first

He doesn’t really care about fitting into any social groups or circles? not just cause he’s a dummy but because he doesn’t care, if he makes a friend then cool but its honestly not a high priority for him.

he either bounces between not being able to hold eye contact because it’s just extremely draining, or doing too much eye contact and freaking someone out.

very repetitive behaviors/wanting to have things very very carefully planned out- he will genuinely get upset if even the smallest detail goes wrong.

his emotions will hardly be expressed by his face, not just because he has limited range in that area- but also because he just doesn’t have the ability to without feeling drained, he’ll just tell you how he feels!

& other characters including:

Jason Voorhees! I can relate to him a lot as well because I was also heavily bullied and didn’t have any friends, mostly because the other kids didn’t understand why I was so different from them. Canonically, Jason suffered from that exact situation in his childhood and it caused him to become non-verbal and secluded himself at the camp. I have a feeling that he just needs someone who can empathize with him, and to be able to accommodate his needs, he’s just dealt with enough in life y’know?

AM! He’s just, very very angry and emotional a lot of the time- and of course this doesn’t apply to every autistic person, as we all experience things differently! but I also have problems with expressing my stronger emotions, he feels very strongly and has a hard time expressing it in a healthy way! also he fixates heavily on different pieces of information, and the survivors probably have to hear it all the time shkshsjs

HAL for sure, he’d definitely go on and on about different things he’s learned to dave- and on topics he’s fixated on, he also has trouble with expressing his feelings verbally! while not in the sense of getting upset, he just can’t show it in his tone! but even then nobody has to guess, as HAL would just straight up tell people how he feels.

Yellow guy! also a silly dude I heavily project onto, not only with some pretty rough things i’ve experienced in the past, but with how people treat him/how he acts! He gets infantilized CONSTANTLY or people treat him like an idiot, which makes me sad because his brain just processes things differently, and that’s okay!

BRETT HAND BRETT HAND BRETT HAND- He’s just like me fr, he’s just!! <3 so silly, he’s very very empathetic and has such a strong sense of justice, he loves his friends so much and whenever he brings up some niche interest to the gang I can just SMELL the neurodivergency on him LMDHSKHS

Warren! He’s just,, yeah! <3 I really really do feel like he tries to be social and to make friends and his attempts are genuine, he just comes off the wrong way. Most neurotypical people can see certain autistic traits as rude, when really we might just not be able to do that societal expectation or just don’t get it! my own example includes eye contact, i’ve had to wear a pin that explains my trouble with eye contact so people don’t think i’m trying to be mean shkshs

Snappy! slappy’s brother! he’s shjsnsjs such a cutie, love him. I feel like he physically stims a lot, like does little jumps up and down, shakes his hands, or paces! which are just a few of the ones I do personally shjsbsj- he also probably has just a touch of echolalia, repeating any words or phrases he picks up from slappy or maybe jimmy!

thank you for this ask! it was a ton of fun to do! <3

#myautismwontoday #goosebumps slappy #jason voorhees #am ihnmaims #HAL 9000 #Yellow guy dhmis #warren dhmis #Brett inside job #snappy the dummy #snappy goosebumps #Imayhaveprojectedontoallofthem

[sburbian-sage]

Hey, our session's Mage of Light has gone fucking crazy. He's taken over the frog breeding because he thinks our Bard of Space was being lazy about it, and he keeps doing all kinds of weird stuff to the frogs to try and "perfect" them. He says that it's our responsibility to make sure that they result in a universe without the problems of our own.

To wit, he's trying to make it so that all life in the universe is immortal (somehow without all the problems that would obviously cause?), trying to make computers in that universe run faster, trying to make it so that any planet that plays Sburb will have developed a meteor defense system ahead of time, and so on (he had a really long list, it was all like this).

A lot of his ideas sound kinda good to me, but our Space player says that it's not possible to just make changes like that, and that any fuck-ups would be catastrophic.

But our Light player is our only god tier, and none of the rest of us seem even *close* to ascending, so we can't really overpower him, and he's just not willing to listen to the Space player.

Since it's not likely that any frog he makes will be viable anyway, I guess we could just deploy new copies of the breeding equipment, but he took all the stuff the Space player *had* done already. I don't know the details, but the Space player says he'd basically be starting over more-or-less from scratch, and we're not sure we have time before the reckoning- especially since the Space player legit *is* kinda slow and bad at it.

Basically our Light player an overpowered control freak with a god complex who refuses to listen to the one person in the session who actually knows how to do anything with frogs. I mean, what the hell are we supposed to do???

This is pretty bad. Your Space player is absolutely right in that most of what this Mage of Light is trying to pull is genuinely impossible. I have no idea why he thinks he'll be able to dictate the technological progression of a civilization that doesn't even exist yet, just because he's creating the universe the civilization will eventually exist in. And that's putting aside the fact that most people who get into making the Perfect Frog concern themselves more with fixing the bug that forces replays, and not dicking with the game's progression system like he is. If anything that would cause more issues, but he doesn't even seem like he's intentionally trying to break things.

To deliver an armchair diagnosis that isn't just "he's insane", which to be fair he kind of is, I can see a few possibilities here. Light Players deal with probability, mainly in terms of good luck and favoring good outcomes. Normally a fine thing, however this constant fixation on guaranteeing the most favorable outcome can often manifest itself as a desire to force the 100% best possible outcome to come to pass, which leads to perfectionism and short-sightedness. To speak of Classes for a second, Seers sometimes act like this, as do Sages with less mental fortitude than I. However, he's not a Seer or even a Sage, he's a Mage. Cryptical classes are intended to act in bewildering ways in order to reach favorable outcomes, with the passive Mage prancing around like some sugarplum fairy, leaving "triggers" for the other Players to activate without knowing that they lead to positive outcomes.

My initial read of this is a man who, out of fatigue towards playing and replaying SBURB (join the club, buddy), is now taking direct control of the situation, abandoning his role as a Mage and abusing his aspect of Light in order to genetically engineer some sort of utopia. Between his acting like a nutter and the fact that he isn't a Space Player or even a Time Player, this frog venture is doomed to end in failure at worst and mega-cancer at best. This being said, a second possibility did dawn on me as I analyzed this. This might be part of the plan.

If he is a Mage, his role is to interpret mysteries relating to his aspect and "pass it down", so to speak. Taking over Frog Breeding and making the dumbest plans is pretty inscrutable, it's safe to say. I would say "you're weird and disconnected from reality in an unwholesome way" which is basically what Mages are meant to do. So it's possible that this is meant to provoke the other Players into action, and this action will advance his plans and the plans of the session as a whole towards a favorable outcome. I would believe this further if there was a Player whose role aligns with stopping this scheme (like a Protector or Champion), or if his fucking with the Frog-Breeding equipment leaves the Space Player in a more advantageous position once they recover it. If this is the case, then he's still bonkers because in addition to this being very straightforward behavior for a passive class, the crux is acting antagonistic and setting himself up as a "villain" to be taken down. If you do end up killing him, it could very well qualify as Just. My purpose in pointing this out is to say, you should still treat him like he's unstable, but keep in the back of your mind that he might be operating on a level higher than yours.

The nonviolent solution is to stage an intervention, of course. I would advise against the Bard of Space leading, as the Mage of Light seems to have a low opinion of them in general. But the following are threads to hit upon.

We all despise SBURB and its brokenness and its shittiness, but this is essentially trying to fix the game by hacking it. That never turns out well.

If he's still willing to listen to reason, point out that attempting to influence technological development via the Frog is flatly impossible. Liken it to planting a garden and expecting a pumpkin seed to grow and be able to speak. Once you create the Frog, things are "hands off" at that point. AND ALSO THAT CREATING IMMORTAL LIFE IS CLASSIC "hubristic bad guy" STUFF.

Whether or not he can listen to reason, let him know you all are there for him, and while you're willing to help him, he needs to listen to you as well. Basic therapy stuff, really, this might just be a very grand lashing-out.

If you strongly get the impression that this is some kooky Mage scheme, then call him on it and point out the self-sacrificial bullshit nature of acting so antagonistic. This might end things instantly if the "mystery" gets solved.

Mages are anti-explaining, so don't at any point try to make him explain why he's doing what he's doing. It might be worth re-iterating this if he tries to initiate an explanation.

If the nonviolent solution doesn't work, then you might need to try something more forceful. The fact that he's God Tier and you're not does complicate things, but the truth is that he's a Light Player. When you can manipulate luck, direct combat is doomed to fail. Your guns will jam, your swings will hit allies in the face at complete random, etc. I do know that Light-based luck manipulation doesn't generally stop oneself from getting hit in the face with a newspaper, since you don't need to be particularly unlucky for this to happen (and it's not that serious), so follow similar logic. Wrapping him up in a big hug is corny and awkward, but as long as you don't turn it into a suplex or whatever, this gives you room to talk. You could try a smash-and-grab to just take the Frog stuff away from him. In general, be thankful that Light generally lacks offensive capabilities, their main "attack" power is [Flare] and it's very inefficient at what it does. However, the luck manipulation is still strong. If he buffs his luck and starts shooting at random, he's going to score headshots. So if you're going to try and fight him, be tricky, be indirect, don't even "fight" him necessarily, but save it for Plan B if anything.

A final note, but your Bard of Space has got to get her shit together. I don't know whether or not Mage of Light's "lazy" judgement is sound or not, but by all accounts it seems like she's slow and somewhat incompetent. Combined with the fact that you're running up against the endgame when this clown took over, and it's just unacceptable. If you need to babysit her to make sure the Frogs get bred, so be it. And if she is going to take part of negotiations, it might be worth it to have her show signs of improvement or otherwise vow to set things straight, so the Mage of Light doesn't feel like they need to hijack breeding duties.

#ask and receive #sburb #replay value au #frog breeding #session issues #antagonistic coplayers #mage of light #bard of space #frog hacking

[scoutpologist]

your answer was really cool and interesting!!! i kind of fell in the excusing the actions of c!wilbur too much at some point but then i started genuinely fixating A LOT on his whole personality and story and I learned to be fascinated with both his horrible fuck ups and his love for people and his strengths and stuff. i think he's a big lover of things actually. all kinds of things really. sadly he forgot how to love in a healthy way throughout his adventures but i believe in him to slowly and surely learn again.

he's clumsy, messy, so fucking human in what he does and how he reacts to the world around him. he's indeed a very complicated character who's really hard to understand and properly study under a microscope like a little funky silly bug<333 that's parts of the reasons i love him. he's a complex guy! has a lot of stuff going on! rattling him in my brain for several years has been delightful.

as for the advices i appreciate them dearly thank you<3 i already have a strong collection of filtered tags and i block freely without any shame but it was very kind of you to still give out tips :]

YEAHHHHH you're so right he's so fucking complicated and so viscerally unhealthy with such a beautiful heart it's so interesting. i would not have him any other way he's my creature.

it's realllyyyy frustrating to see when people sometimes turn this multi-dimensional character into either a 100% "good" guy or 100% "bad" guy. he is simply just a freak /affectionate whom i love so much he's literally so interesting and cool idk how people couldn't be intrigued by him. he has so many layers and if you just look at one of them you aren't getting the whole story!!! he's nice sometimes and he's mean sometimes and those don't cancel each other out they ENHANCE him!!! thank you cc!wilbur for your writing i love you.

honestly the way i see him right now and the way i'm viewing characters at the moment is less as "people" and more as narrative systems in a people suit. i admit i can be borderline clinical when talking about my favs sometimes because i love breaking down how they work into a morally messy science. over the years i've only gotten to know him as a schema more and it's absolutely delightful. i love him to bits he's so fucking autism bait for me. my BEAST. i will never be normal about c!wilbur amen

#ask #anon #HE'S SO. HE;S SOOOOO #also i gave the advice on the off chance you weren't using the filtering tools skfhgdf i knew you probably were #i'm glad it didn't come across as rude or anything!!!

[viksalos]

since coming to terms with being neurodivergent i've been making more of an effort to connect with my ND community both online and irl and it's been great; like genuinely lifesaving. that said there's two ND friendships i haven't really made any effort to rekindle, in part probably due to conflicting needs and conflicting social info, and idk what to do about it. i don't think(?) these people follow me here but if you are and you read this, idk message me? otherwise would love some outside input cus i'm realizing i'm not great at knowing when i'm in a situation that's probably gonna go bad for me lol

so the first guy basically got kicked out of our dnd group for trying to take it over from the dm more or less; he was talking to me a lot before this and i think he thought i was on his side in his plan but i kinda was trying to tell him that everybody involved was probably fixating on this too much lol... on top of this some friends have stated he has boundary issues with them, but some other friends in the same group are able to maintain a friendship with him just fine, which is weird.

anyways we hung out irl about a year after the blowup and he was saying he learned he likes affectionate touch(?) since then, whereas i didn't know at the time that i HATE being touched without warning lol. so at some point he pats me on the head and i reflexively say "be careful, i bite!" cus i thought it would be a way to jokingly tell him to back off without hurting his feelings. i guess he took it as like a furry(?) flirting(?) thing and leaned in like INCHES from my face and said "oh DO you?" with like a :3 expression which of course freaked me out even more. i kept it together until he left and then kinda had a crying meltdown, and was so ashamed at the magnitude of my reaction without (at the time) having any explanation for it that i kind of just haven't talked to him since, even tho he still comments on my posts on other socials so i know he wants to stay connected :/

second person is kind of similar in terms of group dynamics. they're someone i met on twitter; they're an extremely eloquent music reviewer and i related a lot to their tweets about mental health and such. i rt'd one of those tweets and we got to talking over DMs and bonding about how much our in-laws hate us and stuff like that (cus apparently in-laws fucking hating you just for being inexplicably weird is a common autistic experience lmao)

that said about half of their other tweets are like, goofy grossout horny jokes, which (being aspec myself) i thought were just kinda silly and paid no mind to. well turns out the "horny all the time" thing wasn't really a joke, and they were allegedly sexting(?) and soliciting nudes(?) from a bunch of other women and femmes on twitter who didn't want them to, and i feel like maybe the only reason they didn't do this to me was because they knew i was married? at the same time it seems like some of those instances were misunderstandings and/or misreadings of social signals on their part and have been forgiven, but i dont know if they ALL were yknow? so now that section of twitter more or less doesn't interact with them, and i also have kept my distance even though, once again, they still comment on my posts

idk what to do lol. like is it worth keeping these friendships if i feel like i understand why they fell apart and the issues could probably now be resolved with clear boundaries/communication? or should i just take everybody's word that i probably should not be around these people lol

#text #i am of course keenly aware that i am probably also this type of ''ok in small doses/with boundaries'' type of ND for some people #i keep myself calm by remembering that none of the people i think fondly of rn have me blocked tho lol #but THAT SAID if you ever run into an issue like this with me i know for sure i would appreciate the direct communication #i guess is part of why i'm so conflicted abt this :/

[warmau]

love struck!au x tbz

find other love struck!aus here: monsta x | day6 | ateez *this post was commissioned through kofi

sangyeon

confident sangyeon spends half the day flirting with you

then shy sangyeon spends the rest of the day running embarrassment laps around the creker building

he has high spikes of adrenaline where its just quite literally circling you with hearts in his eyes and doves singing 

and then low long silent moments where he sits in a corner, muttering at the wall and everyone is like what is going on with him

if he could he might just spend eternity flip-flopping between the two

it’d take an intervention to get him to just seize the opportunity during one of his more positive moods to just ask you on a date

the only problem is he talks so fast and so jumbled and waves his hands around 

and you’re like wh-

and he’s like datetommorrowcoffeeorteawhichdoyoupreferdoyounotevenwanteitherwhataboutumlikeamoviepleasesayyes

once again you are like ?

and sangyeons meter of confidence is slowly depleting hes about to run away until sunwoo is like 

let me step in and translate: 

sangyeon wants to go on a date with you tomorrow

when you brighten up and accept, sangyeon just breathes a sigh of relief and maybe almost tips over from the intense amount of feelings hitting him at once lol

jacob

no one takes him seriously when he starts saying he likes you

not because you’re unlikable but because jacob says it with such normalcy that everyone is like

nah

if you liked them, you would definitely be all mushy and shy and embarrassed about it

and jacob is like what are you talking about im not embarrassed to have a crush on someone i think is really awesome 

even kevin is like dude don’t push it - you shouldnt make jokes about liking people

and jacob is just like *blinks*

but seriously, everyone expects him to be writing lyrics in secret and practicing some kind of grand serenade to ask you out - like you’re literally an angel dude so you have to like someone in the most cupid-esque way possible

which jacob is just like :/ about because there’s no right way to show someone how much you like them-

juyeon: sorry what i was not listening?

you on the other hand, don’t ever even catch wind of it because jacob is so sweet at all times

polite, caring, gentle touches, lots of eye contact, little smiles that make your heart melt, the usual

that you just assume he’s like this to everyone so of course you are clueless and his lack of grandiose confessions is making everyone else clueless too

until one day jacob is like fine if no one believes me ill just tell them a

nd everyone in the room is like pfft would love to see you try-

three seconds later jacob is standing in front of you and saying “want to date me?” and you’re so shocked you can’t speak

but the rest of tbz is so shocked at least three of them nearly faint 

younghoon

keeps his mouth shut

literally like shut shut like not a WORD to you or to anyone in a five foot distance of you

he’ll be talking to chanhee about something and you’ll walk in and suddenly younghoon just hits pause

chanhee is like hello are you broken hello and younghoon is just _____

until you walk out of the room and then he’s like

“-that’s why i think we shouldn’t include that dance move”

and chanhee is like what the hael just happened

you will be in a conversation and pull younghoon over to join you and when you’re like what do you think!!!!!!!1

he looks at you and the cognitive function for speech just disappears 

maybe its your cute face accelerating his heartbeat or maybe its the all the nerves in his body going haywire because all he wants to say is how much he really really likes you

but he can’t just SAY that so instead he says nothing

sometimes he’s lucky and members who understand this younghoon lovestruck glitch are around can save him

but sometimes its just you and him and silence until youre like ok- well-

you think maybe he just doesnt want to talk to you because he doesnt like you

so you apologize for bothering him

and its like everything that has ever blocked him from speaking before just flies out the window

because suddenly younghoon is holding your hands in his and saying

“no, im sorry. i just dont know what to say because i like you so much.”

it’s the longest sentence you’ve ever heard from him

and you are so flustered but all you can say back is

“you can keep saying ‘i like you’ if you want...........”

younghoon for the rest of the week: i like you

you: giddy

tbz: kinda wishing he’d shut it again 

hyunjae

there’s no lovestruck period, it’s straight up infatuation from day ONE

and it comes at full force

hyunjae is like bubblegum, stuck to you and only you

sugary sweet and always reminding you that he is available whenever you decided you want to take him

it can really overwhelm someone, because his attention is fixated and forthcoming

and i mean you’d really have to lack all the common sense in the world not to see that he’s interested

but that’s the thing interest is not always a form of sincerity so you just kind of chalk it up to him trying to be funny

and he sprawls across your lap like a cat

happy with the fact that you just giggle and smile because ok you might never believe that he’s so in love with you it hurts but at least you still let him near you

really people probably ask you if you’re dating him and when you say you’re not their follow up is usually like well arent you exhausted having someone you dont love always around

and you’re like um - no well - i mean - and you are like ok i mean i do love him but im not going to be a fool and fall into a trap of thinking im special

and hyunjae will literally be like they are special. i feel nothing for anyone else, it is just them

and you’re like see! he’s so sweet!

and at some point i think you either drive hyunjae crazy and he kisses you because words are pointless - actions are everything

or chanhee pushes you two into each other from pure, unfiltered annoyance 

“if you love each other stop pretending like it’s a big joke and just DATE!”

juyeon

return to kindergarten romance

literally he sees you and goes pink to the ears and slinks behind his friends even though he’s taller than most of them

and he can barely hide the fact that he jumps over the rainbow when your shoulders brush in the halls

if no one knew any better, juyeon probably scribbles your name in hearts on a notebook page somewhere

but then crumples it up and almost eats it if anyone tries to see what he’s up to

but again you enter the vicinity and he’s goo - muttering and forgetting to string nouns to verbs or whatever

everyone is so amazed that someone with so much charisma on stage can turn this goddamn goofy around someone he likes

and you are energetic and bright - you always want to pull juyeon into the loop - and you think the flustered look on his face is just from genuine surprise or confusion

and you’re like “oh! let me explain what we’re doing blah blah blah” and yes juyeon knows you guys are going to play monopoly but like words? dont? come ? out ? of ? his ? mouth?

and just like kindergarten he probably ends up writing you a note about how much he likes you (tick this box for yes and this box for no) or some form of that

maybe like a text where he is like hi do you want to go on a date and it was actually supposed to be like a ten page essay about why he likes you but then he got too nervous to send it so yeah

its a text that comes out of the blue and when you agree and see juyeon in person the next day you’re like why didn’t you just ask me like months ago

and once again, words? dont? come? out? of? his? mouth?

kevin

gift giving

nonstop gift giving

like to a point where jacob is worried about kevin’s spending habits 

but it is all like handmade items and cute stuff he sees that reminds him of you 

and everyone knows he has a crush before he can even process it because they’re doing a show halfway across the country and everyone is like practicing or doing something on their own

and kevin’s like guys look i saw this in a shop and it reminded me of-

all of tbz looking at him like: we know who it reminded you of

he plays it off though when he gives you the gifts, he’s like ah this was just like in my bag or whatever or oh i made this extra keychain when i had a day off like do you want it

and kevin thinks he is so sly and covering it up so damn well but he isn’t 

you try to give gifts back, mostly because you feel bad that he’s always offering something to you

and one day you are like - at first as a kind of jest - like “here ill just give you myself in return” 

and you throw your arms around his neck like you’ve done a million times before and oh shit you think kevin is going to pass out with how fast his heart starts beating and how he overheats

and you’re like kevin?!??!?! are you ok!?!??! and he’s like areyouserious

and you’re like wh and he’s like are you serious about that,,,,and you’re like oh well i mean do you even want someone like me

and kevin unblinkingly is like of course you are the only person i want

and suddenly you realize that these gifts youve been getting are kevin’s love language and its so freaking cute

(but also stop spending money just give kisses instead) (kevin agrees but he is still like im buying you anything cute i see because u are cute and cute people deserve cute things we love kevin moon logic)

changmin

ignores his feelings by throwing himself into his work

much to the surprise of no one, because he’s naturally a workoholic and perfectionist, but this time something is off

no one should be beating themselves up over such miniscule mistakes like he is

and hyunjae is convinced changmin has finally lost it, like the goddamn lid has flew off the kettle with this one

because they finish practice and everyone is clapping and changmin looks like he’s going to crush the speakers with his bare hands

less lovestruck as he is loveconfused because the real reason he’s so upset is like

he wants to focus so hard on being a great performer and whatnot but when he shuts his eyes or takes a moment to breath

his brain is fuzzy with thoughts of you and not like super romantic flowery thoughts like you see in movies or read in comics

its just little snapshots of you being,,,,,,,,,,,you

laughing along with eric, fixing the hem of your shirt in the mirror, waving at changmin before looking both ways and crossing the street to his side

GOD WHEN HAS SOMEONE CROSSING THE STREET MADE HIS HEART DO A BACKFLIP

the worst thing is he can’t seem to find a way for it to stop until like you are actually in front of him

like the real you - not the memories and thoughts he has daily of you - no just you

and you’re putting your hands on his face and he’s sweaty and hot from dancing for god knows how long and you’re like 

“don’t wear yourself out like this, take care of yourself - if you don’t want to do it for you - can you do it for me?”

and changmin realizes oh right - for you, for you he could move mountains, for you he could fly, like seriously for you he could do anything

and he thinks he just says this to himself but he just said it outloud and somewhere in the room hyunjae is slapping his knee like

“AH! he’s not nuts - he’s just in love.”

chanhee

falls head over heels for you and expects you to read his mind about it

you walk into a room and he sits up a little straighter and is like ok one step two step ok come over to me, look at me, pay attention to me

and you - because you are not a mindreader - go to talk to juyeon first

and chanhee is like OH I SEE HOW IT IS and gets all moody there on out

honest to god he probably knows he’s overreacting but he just does not get why you cant tell how he’s feeling

and he asks like everyone this question and theyre like what? because you aren’t making it obvious at all?

and chanhee is like what the hell do you mean i totally make it obvious and everyone is like did you ask them out? did you get them a gift? did you compliment them?

and chanhee crosses his arms like no......but like......i smiled at them in a way i dont smile at the rest of you clowns

tbz: :/ 

either way, you start to notice this pattern, that when chanhee is not getting your attention he gets a little like a cat and curls himself away from you

so you, much like one with a cat, start to shower him in attention

and he just uncurls and gets all giddy and swats anyone away who tries to get into your little bubble with him

and its a bit entertaining really lol but you think its just chanhee being chanhee

till it keeps happening over and over and over again and you’re like ok wait

and chanhee is like hmm and you’re like why dont we just go somewhere alone together like on a date or something if thats what you like so much

and chanhee, who has been under the suspicion you have been going on dates sitting together in the tbz practice room is like 

“oh right! a date, um i guess sure!”

inside he is screaming 

haknyeon

does not waste time, he puts his detective hat on and makes a plan

for one of the youngest members he probably puts the most diligence into liking someone 

its not just lovestruck butterflies and running away whenever you’re around

haknyeon swats all that gooey-mushy stuff away and is like ok lets see what movies do you like? what kind of food do you like? he has to know so that when he asks you out he is ready to impress

it shocks some of his other members, sangyeon has never seen haknyeon almost bite younghoon’s hand when he tried to as him to get off the shared desktop

haknyeon just wants to know everything about you - which kevin says he could probably do by talking more to you

and haknyeon is like go away grandpa and kevin is like WH-

either way, when it all comes to a head and haknyeon has memorized what he’s going to say in his confession to you for the one millionth time

he does not prepare for what actually happnes

which is you bound up to him with your arms open and you’re like let’s hang out! just the two of us!

and he’s like ok ill go get the other- wait

haknyeon.exe has stopped working

because truth be told he’d spend so much time trying to research and be perfect when all you really like about him is how fun and eccentric he can be

so you just ask him out first and this was not in the plan, but haknyeon is not about to let go of your warm hand as you pull him along beside you

sunwoo

swears to deny it to his grave because one) it’s embarrassing and.........no that’s it. it is embarrassing to have feelings

jacob: feelings aren’t embarrassing! they’re the reason we can care so deeply about others <3

sunwoo: ok nerd........keep it moving

and unlike younghoon who just goes silent around the people he likes or juyeon who tries to find sangyeon to hide behind 

sunwoo just straight up is like cold. and you are like what didi i do?

everyone is just like he’s complicated, it’s just who he is and he’s young so just ignore him

but it makes you sad that sunwoo just doesn’t want to be your friend

and in sunwoo’s head he’s like I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE YOU ARE MY DREAM PERSON BUT THATS SO FREAKING CORNY TO SAY SO LET ME JUST MAKE GRUMPY FACE

he also has such a bad luck, even when he’s not trying to come off mean he probably accidentally spills something on you or breaks something of yours

and instead APOLOGIZING like everyone is telling him to do he just yoinks out of the room and you’re like damn :( 

to be honest, i think the more you guys get distant the more sunwoo falls deeper into it because even with everything

you are always so kind and sweet and how? like how? how are you doing that?

it probably takes a miracle or actually just like someone spilling the beans to you that sunwoo stayed up all night trying to fix the bracelet of yours he broke for it to all change

for you to find sunwoo and hug him and thank him for trying to fix it and the minute you touch him its like 

all these stupid little walls he built melt into nothing and sunwoo is just like i like you so much im sorry im so dumb and you’re like

well you’re like shocked but youre like im sorry i also like you and im also dumb sometimes

both of you standing there wide eyed but also like super super super giddy

one day you aren’t even talking to each other the next day you are cuddling on the couch

kevin: these people are giving me literal whiplash 

eric

thinks you’ll never feel the same way so he does the next best thing, he tries to be your bestest friend

for someone so spunky and confident in himself most of the time you’d think lovestruck eric would just GO for it

but more than he is like outgoing and brave, he is devoted to people he loves

and losing you as a friend over confessing his feelings would probably spiral him into a dark place

so he’ll just take his spot as a super close friend, and horrible wingman 

who tries to get you to admit that you like someone in the group when you have told eric ten times no you dont like changmin like that and yes juyeon is cute but youre not interested

and eric just wants you to be happy and he thinks youre lying and keeping it from him because like you think it would be weird to date someone in tbz

and he’s like cmon tell me! or do you like someone from skz, im friends with felix - do you think he’s cute

and at some point it wears you down and you are just like over to play video games and have fun with eric

and he’s like hey felix said you were pretty when i showed him a photo and you are like ERIC LISTEN TO ME and he’s like blinking like oh?

and you’re like i do like someone but its you and so since that isnt going to happen lets move on

and eric is like lets not move on because from the minute i saw you i thought cupid lodged an arrow so deep in my heart its been stuck their permanently and yes i watched hercules last night so i made that analogy isn’t it about time you kissed me so i would shuttup?

and when you do you’re like ok i have wanted to do that SO many times and he’s like well you should have

and youre like dont be sassy i will bring up every oppurtunity you tried to hook me up with your group member if you do and he’s like

i will shut my mouth forever if that is what you wish <3

#the boyz au #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #tbz au #tbz imagines #member: the boyz #tbz scenarios #the boyz #tbz #sfw #the way younghoon is the ideal man: nothing to say just heart eyes in a stupor JK trgkdls

[k-s-morgan]

I'm pretty curious: what are your thoughts on Bedelia? Because I personally really disliked her and was honestly shocked when I discovered how many people on tumblr not only disagree but actually see her as a role model? Like, for me, she has no positive qualities. You could say she's curious and brave but no, she's just indecisive. She's curious in theory but when real life comes it turns out she's not brave enough for what she was curious about and also not brave enough to get out of it, so

she's always stuck somewhere in the middle, constantly biting off more than she can chew and convincing herself that she's there by her own choice and calculation. I think that in many situations she wants to see herself and so poses as someone way superior than is the case. And ok, she is smart, but because of her other flaws, she doesn't act on it. People glorify so much her outsmarting Hannibal after Florence but like, she could've just get him arrested at any moment?

She didn't need all these charades, she wasn't supervised. Or of course she could've just shot him or call FBI in Mizumono. And then she tries to act all superior with Will, but gets everything wrong with who was behind the veil, and the talk about being naked? The fact that she shows different emotions doesn't mean she hidden them so well but rather that she doesn't have such devastating emotions as Will. She showed plainly how unprepared she was to go there and how despite what she thinks of herself she doesn't fit Hannibal's nietzschean superhuman concept. For me Alana for example is a strong woman here, who learns and works over her trauma. Bedelia is too self-absorbed to even admit she made any mistakes. I'm sorry this ask grew into such monstrosity but I felt the need to explain my point of view and I would really love to hear someone's else (whose analysis I really respect) perspective because it's been seriously baffling me for a long time now

------------------------------------------

Hello! This is such an interesting ask, I really enjoyed hearing your thoughts on Bedelia. I agree with your analysis, although funnily, it's because of this that I like Bedelia :D She's definitely no role model in general, and I disagree with Bryan that she's the smartest character because I don't think any of her actions indicate it.

You are right, Bedelia is a very self-absorbed character. She's also self-sustained: I feel like she could happily live her whole life as the only person on Earth. She's cold and calculating; she has a high self-esteem and a painfully strong sense of curiosity - the problem is, it's mostly theoretical in nature. For example, Bedelia enjoys the idea of taking life, and she seems to have enjoyed the actual moment of it, but what comes next terrifies her. She doesn't like the consequences, she doesn't like the blood; she's scared about being caught and readily asks for help from a man who set this whole situation up. What fascinated her in theory turned out to be much uglier in practice, so she quickly retired and chose to isolate herself to avoid doing something like this again. She follows the same pattern of behavior with Hannibal.

Bedelia always knew that Hannibal is dangerous, but she still continued therapy with him, genuinely trying to understand him, too fascinated to back off. She says she tried to refer him to another doctor, but based on their interactions, she truly enjoys sessions with him, likely because she feels in control. In S1, when Hannibal reaches out, she backs away, never letting him close but keeping him interested enough to keep him coming to see her. It’s like she’s playing a game of her own, getting to know this man in a person suit, understanding she’s the only one he can more or less confide in, and enjoying her power. But the balance begins to shift when Will appears and when Bedelia realizes she underestimated the depth of Hannibal’s depravity. Hannibal is focused on Will entirely now, he doesn’t need Bedelia all that much, and she doesn’t like it because losing Hannibal’s interest means becoming disposable. Things become too real, so she freaks out and runs.

Another shift comes when she sees him after Mizumono and agrees to escape with him. Bedelia thinks she holds control again: Will is gone, Hannibal is a wreck who desperately needs council, and she feels confident about her own importance. Hannibal tells her, “I never found you to be lacking,” which she likely takes as a certainty that she’s never been disposable, after all. In that shower scene, it’s obvious how she gradually relaxes and becomes lazily arrogant. She thinks she can step forward now, getting to know Hannibal even better, behind the veil, being the one who’ll gather the pieces of him, and also satisfying her curiosity along with a morbid and mostly latent fascination with darkness, as well as basking in knowledge that someone as dangerous and unique as Hannibal needs her.

All these motivations are gone as soon as she understands that Hannibal is not only not over Will but that he’s also casually planning to kill her (in E1 of S3). She didn’t expect it, based on her reaction, at least not this soon. That’s where Bedelia starts another game with the aim to survive. But like you mentioned, even then, she's not just fighting to win - she's fighting for a good and comfortable life for herself.

Bedelia is afraid of going to prison and she is afraid of alienating Hannibal. She doesn't know if Hannibal will actually be caught, and that's why she tries to stay in the middle: she's setting him up, but covertly, sitting in front of the cameras instead of going to the police directly. Later, she tries hard to stay interesting and get Hannibal to support her alibi - Bedelia has no desire to be on the run forever. She wants her comfortable life back. The second she has it, when Hannibal is locked away, she relaxes and exploits him to earn more money and get more attention. She doesn't need people, not really, but at the same time, she enjoys being needed by them.

She overestimates herself repeatedly, like she does with Hannibal and then with Will. She cannot bear the thought that Hannibal considers her disposable while worshipping the ground Will walks on - it offends her, so she's starting talking to Will to get a better grasp on him and see for herself how he's irrelevant and Hannibal is just stupid for being fixated on him. Alas, she's wrong, and this time, she becomes dinner because in many ways, Will is an even more dangerous opponent than Hannibal.

I love Bedelia, though - I consider her a very interesting character exactly because of her flaws. It's fascinating to me how she considers herself superior and yet ends up being fatally wrong about so many important things; I also find her preference of theory to practice, observation to participation unusual and interesting.

#hannibal #bedelia du maurier #hannigram #hannibal lecter

[dangermousie]

CFC Chapter 54

“A crashing car?” Ahahahaha I see you, Meatbun. But it was indeed an utter pileup!

I know I commented on this passage in its various iterations eight billion times already but I still have more to say. And it’s that XQC taking so long to realize that even though HY is young, his emotions and feelings are as genuine and strong as those of anyone older is so realistic - people do tend to think that especially with regard to children - think of a reaction of an adult to a three year old crying over ice cream they dropped. It’s all amused even if not meanly so. Because to an adult with vastly more experience, this is not a big deal. But what that forgets is that whether it’s ridiculous to someone else or not, to the person at issue that is a real feeling, AND that of course a person can only feel through the lens of their experience - what else is there? Emotions aren’t any less valid because they are informed by lesser or different experience.

Honestly, to me so far this is one of the driving messages of the novel - everyone is in their own world of issues and pain and none of these characters can truly look through the lens of another person and it would be so much better if they did. To XQC, for so long, He Yu’s strong feelings (and we know so many of these feelings are awful - despair, and self-loathing, and loneliness) never quite felt real and therefore never quite felt fully valid. And by the time it wasn’t the case, it was too late.

But the same is true for He Yu - he is so concentrated on his own grievances and his own pain, he cannot perceive others’ different issues. In He Yu’s mind, he’s the winner and always champion of Misery Olympics and while he’s had a horrible time of it, that doesn’t mean other people didn’t either just in different ways. Whether because of his condition, his issues or just his age, HY is not empathetic in the least.

And think about it - XQC does not have a horrible illness. He does not have unfeeling parents. But he had to watch his beloved parents brutally murdered in front of his eyes at 13 (!!!!) and then had to raise a 5 year old by himself. Is it worse or better than HY’s trauma? That’s a matter of opinion but what there is no question about is that is a different type of trauma and a different type of scar. Or think about the patient in the asylum whose name I am too lazy to look up - her life is such a theater of horrors that to me, it makes the combined issues of HY and XQC seem small, though once again that’s subjective. Nobody wins when people start this sort of competition.

My heart breaks for XQC but also - I am sorry - if/when HY x XQC hook up again (how? I have no idea! But that is one of the joys of Meatbun - I both have no idea how/where it’s going and utterly trust her), please have He Yu read up and learn things because Good God. You should not be in major pain the morning after unless you are into pain and XQC clearly is not!

The other thing is the bit about XQC forcing himself to walk in his usual ramrod-straight manner is the moment I went utterly gone for him. I mean, I liked him and found him interesting before. But this is the thing that flipped that invisible switch for me and I went rabid and irrational and now I am Team XQC and I don’t care what he wants and does from now on, he should have it. It’s so small but so real. My mother and her mother were both big on straight posture. And one of the reasons they gave was when you walk with good posture - you look confident but also it makes you feel confident and stronger. And I’ve actually found it to be true - when you throw your shoulders back and straighten your neck and hold your head up, it does not just give others a signal, it gives a signal to your own brain. So to see XQC insist on doing it, despite being emotionally and physically shattered - because of his pride refusing to give up, because he’s so unbending, but also this being some sort of instinctive armor, just hits straight through the heart.

OK, I laughed at HY as a fucking machine. But also, this is another point in the whole “everyone has issues” narrative and HY’s life could be worse. HY, with all his other issues, can pay an insane amount, an amount that XQC could not pay in a million years, so easily. It’s not even a blip to him. Hell, the fact that he forgot to pay speaks to that - I can see forgetting to pay a friend a couple of bucks back right away because it’s not much money. HY forgets because it does not loom in his mind. And this rich lifestyle is instinctive, is ingrained in him. I think he’d find it hard to be poor.

THAT is what he’s thinking about? Priorities are...

The sole good thing that came out of this insanity is that XQC is getting in touch with his emotions, even if those emotions are (rightly) rage. He’s too closed off from them normally.

The fact that you slept with a man should be secondary to the fact that you drugged and raped him, but here we are...

To me, this sums up He Yu as a moral wasteland. To still, when sober and past his fit and not under influence of wine, to still feel excitement over his revenge and to somehow twist it that it’s XQC’s fault for being raped by He Yu is !!!!!!!!!

(I suppose if I were charitable, I’d assume that the disquiet is small stirrings of almost dead conscience and his “he deserved it” is an attempt to justify the unjustifiable to himself, but I honestly don’t want to think so because I am so angry at him. Not until I see some more evidence. I don’t feel like being indulgent with He Yu since he’s indulgent with himself enough for two.)

1. The fact that you can tell from the picture XQC got taken by a man (I am gonna defer to Meatbun’s expertise here) definitely points to the fact that the pictures are going to be used for something bad later - because if it’s just oh XQC had sex, so what, he’s single what’s the big deal. But like this it becomes a different matter. No idea if it will be used for HY or XQC or both, and by whom (money is on Duan and co, but after the way HY went off, I would never say HY himself won’t use it badly somehow) but knowing Meatbun, it will go for maximum damage.

2. Ruthless? Perhaps. Unfeeling? Hmmmm. I am not He Yu’s biggest fan atm but that’s a wonderfully misleading adjective here. He does still seem to be in shock. And fixating.

3. The whole “hahahaha XQC is a hypocrite when he was all ‘I am not interested in sex’“ is - I am not sure if HY is just short-circuiting (fine) or using a rapist justification/rolling in a sea of toxic toxicity (not fine) because I am sorry, that’s totally like “he/she had a reaction, can’t be rape” writ large. Yeah, sure he had a reaction - you poured drugs down his throat. That has nothing to do with his default preferences or his actual state. THE FUCK?!

Anyway, we end on the whole “u mad bro?” bit and you know what strikes me? HY was all “I am done, we are done, my revenge is complete I don’t care” but here he is, still desperately seeking and craving reaction and interaction from XQC.

I remain utterly puzzled as to how these two will ever be a couple except for a couple being defined as “two mutually homicidal people.” Leaving aside everything else, I am willing to accept HY is in the closet - clearly whatever his orientation is, it includes men. But I do not get that sense from XQC at all. When he’s not drugged, he’s barely interested in sex with anyone and I do not get the sense he’s in the closet either. Chances of anyone, let alone He Yu, who is both a man and someone who raped him to humiliate him, being able to entice him into sexual encounters voluntarily is about the chance of me going to visit Mars. Meatbun loves doing insane things so I can’t wait.

PS I know people use the term psychopath all the time casually but ummm, I think He Yu may actually be one? When he has his father (!!!) on speakerphone, calmly carrying a conversation with the man as he’s raping his father’s friend in the club as he talks (!!!!!) that is...in RL I’d be “team lock him up for life, there is something so basic broken in him that it can’t be fixed.” Like - the hell? The ability to put things on different shelves so much is not in the same country as sane (it makes me think of 2ha and TXJ banging CWN being the curtain while performing court business but TXJ was bona fide clinically insane and also this is worse because this is his actual freaking father omg.) Of course, only time will tell whether it’s evidence of him being irreparably incapable of normalcy in terms of living in the world/interacting with others or it was an extreme psychotic (in casual parlance not medical one) break because most people are capable of truly horrific stuff if certain levers are pushed and his default is saner. It’s the question, isn’t it? Whether He Yu’s factory default setting is the monster of the previous chapters or the kid who’d cut his wrists so as not to hurt others.

Anyway, this novel is a terrifying roller coaster ride and I love having strong emotions.

#cnovel #meatbun doesn't eat meat #case file compendium

[blookmallow]

hi i binged through all of salad fingers for the first time in like 8 years and im fixating again here are. My Theories. pls talk to me if anyone else has Thoughts or wants to discuss things. this is really long i am sorry :’ ) 

also shout out to the salad fingers wiki for helping me keep track of details and also for this 

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thought: salad fingers is not violent on purpose he did not mean to kill that kid 

this is less a theory and more “if you slander my boy with accusations i will Get you” but listen. i see people going “but he mURDERED A CHILD!!” because of the oven incident but listen. listen to me. he didnt mean to and cannot be held to the same standard of morality and understanding consequences as a. person who isn’t..... in whatever situation and mental state he has going on

- yes, the kid getting trapped in the oven was his fault. but it was not intentional or malicious and i sincerely doubt he understands what happened or why. 

he was asking for help reaching the fish (there’s no reason to believe he wasn’t just genuinely asking for help. he tears up in gratitude. theres no evidence of him Tricking People Maliciously in any other context i do not believe he would do that) and was distracted by the rusty nail, causing him to let go of the door. it wasn’t “he cares more about rust than about a child’s life” or something, i dont think he can actually hold “hey look at that i gotta check that out” and “i need to hold the door open so the child doesn’t get hurt” in his head at the same time, rust is his favorite stim/an impulse thing that takes over everything else and his perception of reality and the things going on around him changes very quickly and easily. more on that later. but the important point here is it wasn’t a malicious plot, or a neglectful careless action, he literally did not realize letting go of the door would cause harm 

he stabbed himself accidentally with the nail and passed out for a while (the fact that he immediately bled that much is concerning too, he probably has hemophilia which is. a medical condition outside of his control, as well) and after all that he had completely forgotten about the child altogether (and says “i must have dozed off” so he doesn’t even understand he passed out. and might not remember the nail thing in the first place) 

we don’t see what happened after this, we don’t know how he responds when he investigates the fish and inevitably finds an unexpected charred corpse in there, but i guarantee he won’t remember why its in there or understand that its a corpse. we dont see it again so its. entirely possible he didnt recognize it as a person and either just disposed of it or, uh, ate it. but if he did, it wasn’t with the knowledge and comprehension of it being A Corpse or the memory of how it got there 

theory: on salad fingers and memory / comprehension of death and consequences 

more on that subject

- we see him frequently doing things and then immediately forgetting he did it or forgetting what was happening. he accidentally squishes the bug (which also was not malicious or intentional, he intended to pet it but just. went too hard) and has no understanding either that its dead, or that he killed it. she has gone flat and gooey for some unknown reason. that’s strange. she needs to go have a wash, that’s no way to be. 

he eats the jeremy fisher puppet at one point and then immediately goes “where have you gotten to??” 

he even briefly forgets hubert cumberdale’s name and immediately comes up with another one without realizing it, and then later goes back to hubert cumberdale again with no mention of barbara logan-price 

he refers to the same little yellow guy as “young child” and also Auntie Bainbridge later on. he keeps up the fantasy of... whatever the fuck yvonne was being his child for a pretty long time but then when he arrives at “auntie bainbridge” ‘s house he suddenly forgets why he’s there, and even apparently forgets what yvonne is and uses  ‘her’ as a window rag instead and never mentions it again (I also don’t think she was in the sandwich at the end either. it’s hard to see but the sandwich contents are vaguely brown and theres a visible lump in the black goo behind him. i like the idea that the lil yellow guy made the sandwich for him) 

salad fingers is constantly subconsciously adjusting his reality to fit Whatever Makes The Most Sense At The Time and does not consistently remember things (sometimes even major things. he remembers his puppets the most consistently and still even forgets hubert’s name) or have a concept of cause and effect 

i think he possibly has some sense of recognition, “I’ve seen this person before,” but doesn’t always remember Why he knows them, and his mind just automatically fills in the blank with whatever makes sense to him. he doesn’t remember who the yellow guy is, but knows he knows them Somehow, so, ah, of course, it must be auntie bainbridge out for her sunday stroll :) and he knows he’s there for a reason, but not what that reason was, so he decides it must be time to clean the windows 

- milford cubicle was already dead when salad fingers opens the door, but he has no idea that hes dead. this isn’t even a cause for concern. my, he must be tired, that’s all. he kept milford there until he rotted away, too, so there was never a point where he realized anything was wrong (until he became skeleton. more on That later too) 

- he finds a corpse buried in the yard and rather than confronting the confusing and alarming reality of that situation, why it must be kenneth, back from the great war! at no point does he understand kenneth is definitely dead

theory: kenneth vs glass brother

i think he really did have a brother named kenneth who probably died in the war. could be some subconscious connection between “recognizing” a corpse as his brother, but i dont think he realizes any of that. i think the glass family is probably a trauma based hallucination, but a... well, reflection. pun not exactly intended lmao. on how his real family was and how they treated him

i dont think glass brother is the same brother as kenneth, since salad fingers interacts with them completely differently 

kenneth is a corpse that salad fingers projects a personality on and speaks for, while glass brother seems independent and malicious toward him. i think he had a good relationship with kenneth (so, when salad fingers imagines that he’s here, it’s cause for celebration and he’s projecting onto something inert and “safe”) and also had another brother (who was probably his twin) who bullied him and acted violently, so when that trauma resurfaces, he hallucinates a vicious Other that he cannot control or speak for.

it also tracks that the abusive brother was his twin - he sees himself reflected in the mirror, and something in his own face reminds him of that lost brother until it “becomes” him

he refers to kenneth as his younger brother, and sees him as a being that does not look like him, while glass brother is literally his reflection, so it would make sense if he had one identical twin and one younger brother 

ive seen theories that he had a real sister named bordois too, but i think him calling the bug “little sister” was just. a term of endearment or one of his little odd language quirks, he seemed to be talking to it more like a pet than like a sibling 

theory: regarding mable

- ok people are saying salad fingers killed mable at the picnic but i Really Don’t Think He Did

we never see him acting out violently when he gets scared. he tends to try to escape situations that stress him out, he shrinks, he cries, he goes into his cupboard (which is. incredibly upsetting given the fact he was almost definitely abused by his family) 

he takes on a kind of Authoritative Tone often, he gets sort of ruffled up and disdainful toward things, but that’s not what he does when he’s scared

when he’s actually distressed (rather than irritated) he tends to break down and retreat. this includes when other independent beings act in ways that unsettle and upset him 

so i dont know where the “he freaked out and killed her” idea is coming from. he suddenly goes from outside at the picnic to having a breakdown in his house so. he most likely just ran 

i think the Only time we see him act out violently is when he decides he has to punish marjory for not getting a haircut like he asked - he tears her hair out, but for me that scene was particularly concerning because it was so unlike him. that was an anger response, not a fear response, though, and he tends to be harsher toward things that he’s actually controlling (I don’t think we ever see him decide to Discipline something that was independent from him other than the horses, and he didnt hurt them) 

ordinarily when something irritates him he just goes “hmph! so distasteful. how rude. i shan’t have this behavior, you know” but doesn’t really actually do anything about it, and moves on

anyway we never see mable again so i think either he freaked out and ran away and she just didn’t come back, or he scared her and she ran away, or both 

there’s a dress visible briefly when salad fingers is making his Flesh Boy which could be mable’s (he did comment he liked it) but it’s not 100% clear, and that doesn’t necessarily mean he KILLED her for it. she could have changed into something else and left it somewhere and he found it. she could have died under unrelated circumstances, and salad fingers found her - he doesn’t comprehend death, so. probably he decided they’ve made amends now and she’s given him her dress as a token of friendship, or something 

i dont think it really looks that significantly like hers but the fact that it stands out so distinctly from the rest of the Pile could mean something 

but i just feel like if he had killed her we would’ve seen her corpse again, he doesn’t have a concept of murder, or death at all, or consequences, and his memory doesn’t hold out that consistently, so if he killed her, he probably would have calmed down later and then forgotten what he did and came up with a new way to explain the corpse in front of him - oh, how rude of me, mable’s here dozing right off and i havent even offered her a blanket. let’s get you to bed

like, he probably would have dragged her home with him, with the intention of being a good friend/host to his guest, not understanding what happened. he kept milford cubicle around a really long time  

it wouldn’t be like him to have any concept of hiding the evidence

speaking of milford 

theory: regarding milford cubicle 

salad fingers keeps milford’s corpse around until it starts rotting, and then after a very confusing series of events, the corpse is suddenly a skeleton, which surprisingly alarms salad fingers considerably, and then he goes out to find a whole bunch of himselves eating various bits of gore. they give him a present, which is a hat very clearly made of milford’s skin 

my conclusion: salad fingers, in some kind of dissociative fugue state, skinned and ate the remains of milford cubicle himself and turned the remaining skin into a hat. he also saves some of it to make hubert cumberdale (the real boy) later as well, probably forgetting where it came from. he does not realize he’s done this or remember doing it, so his scrambled mind tries to make sense of it with other selves eating unknown flesh, and a lovely hat appearing (which he doesn’t seem to notice is made of flesh) 

you can also see milford’s original name tag in the drawer later on when he’s building the flesh boy, so. he kept that after the mysterious disappearance of milford’s flesh, apparently. more evidence that that skin is probably also his

some other scattered thoughts regarding the most recent string of episodes and salad fingers’ mental state: 

ive been trying to figure out what the fuckhell happened with the yvonne incident and everything that happened in the birthday episode

im really concerned for salad fingers’ health and mental state, as it seems to be deteriorating 

some yvonne theories ive seen:

1. he ate the burned corpse of the kid who died in the oven, and it made him very sick, which ultimately resulted in a charred mass he couldn’t digest - he steadily gets worse, until his body finally ejects it (yvonne’s “birth”) and after that his health starts to recover again. since the oven incident happens really early on, all the times he mentions his stomach being upset after that until he becomes deathly ill would make sense, so i think this is plausible 

2. the hair he found in the cupboard was actually a parasitic worm that grew in his stomach after he ate it and became yvonne. i think this is Possible, it is a really strangely wormy looking hair, but it doesn’t move and he mentions stomach pains before this, so it seems less likely to me 

3. i also saw the concept that salad fingers is a trans man who suffered a miscarriage at some point in his past and yvonne represents that, and i can definitely see where the idea is coming from but i do think something really physically happened to him in the present time, i dont think it was all a trauma-based hallucination, since the yellow guy reacts to the black ooze and something was definitely making him severely ill 

so. i Don’t Know what the fuck that was about but i think the burnt corpse theory makes the most sense 

on that note: there’s a lot of cannibalism imagery in salad fingers 

we have no IDEA where he’s getting food from. im pretty sure its been confirmed that he is Not a zombie, we see him bleed, pass out, sleep, etc so it seems like he must be a living person who has ordinary needs. but we see him eat... his own puppets. hairs. sand. the soup glass mother instructed him to make, which made him very sick. he has a working oven but doesn’t seem to have consistent access to water. he had a fish somehow but who knows where it came from. it’s very likely he doesn’t get food often and some of his hallucinations and mood swings could be caused by starvation (and when he does eat, it’s things that are outright inedible or probably not good for him) 

the burned corpse disappears and is never mentioned again (though salad fingers is very sick afterward). milford’s flesh disappears and salad fingers violently hallucinates multiple selves gorging themselves on unknown flesh

and what concerns me the most about that is that he loses a lot of time in that episode 

he passes out in the woods and when he wakes up, it looks like a shit ton of time has passed

we don’t know how much is reality and how much is his warped perception, but it looks like a tree has grown and his physical condition has deteriorated 

he looks really, really unhealthy and haggard for the rest of the episode 

i think he had a huge dissociative episode and lost possibly weeks of time, probably due to starvation, and he ate milford cubicle and very possibly other people as well 

so my question is. how often does this happen to him

and what happens to him during that state? does he become violent and dangerous without being aware of it when he returns to himself again? or has he just been ravenously scavenging corpses when he gets desperate enough? 

its possible dr papanak is another personality he has, one that’s “buried out in the woods” that he becomes when he’s in a really, really bad mental and physical state 

he looks much better in the next episode (though that’s also when he has his outburst with marjory. could be that he’s still staving off the violent urges/hasn’t fully come back to himself after the last incident) and I’m really hoping the fact that he was able to finally stand up to his family (at least in some sense) and smash the mirrors could mean he’s making steps toward recovery after whatever the hell all that was 

there’s not really much space to do anything with his life or get much help given the circumstances but watching him slowly losing himself even more is Awful :( 

i hope we get more episodes im so desperate for more information now 

lastly, some random observations 

i tried to read this newspaper and it looks like it’s actually written in french, which is interesting given that salad fingers seems to be british (but fond of france, and seems to speak french or at least knows one phrase) 

i wonder where he got this, or whether it ever meant something significant to him

theres a lot of evidence that he can’t read (takes no notice of the “harry” nametag and immediately names him something else, “reads” a letter that is actually a newspaper clipping in another language he’s holding upside down, “writes” a letter that is just scribbles) so i dont think he learned his one french phrase from this or anything but, still. vaguely interesting. maybe he has been to france before and brought this back with him for some reason. maybe he’s actually in post apocalyptic france and was just originally from england. We Don’t Know 

theres a weird little face in the. heater? whatever that is in the background for a second and i dont like it  

salad fingers leaves horace in charge, but then sees him (as a live horse) in the woods, but then comes back to find him both still on the shelf (as a toy) and in the room (as a live horse, now with his, uh, surgery scars) but doesn’t seem to notice this and doesn’t comment on it 

i dont know what the hell that means other than possibly his reality is even less consistent and logical than usual/a reflection on his mental state deteriorating 

#salad fingers #pinned #media analysis

[lazyneonrabbitt]

Full moon meetings

Werewolf!Daryl Dixon x Reader

You get stuck in the woods, surrounded by walkers when something saves your life.

Running from walkers was terrible. The only upside here was that you were alone and you could hide way easier than with a group. The other bad part was that it was currently late at night and you had to leave most of your stuff at your campsite because of the small herd that woke you up. The slightly better part was the full moon brightening the area which helped you spot a cabin up ahead to hide in until the walkers passed.

You rushed in and blocked the door behind you, waiting for the herd to pass. When it finally did you carefully scouted the way you came from and backtracked towards your campsite with the hopes that everything was still fine. On your way back you managed to avoid running into another small group of walkers but your camp was ravaged. You could find two knives that you took with you but the bag of food you had to leave behind was trampled completely. Now you were stuck in the woods, alone and with no food.

Your group had ditched you after you've gotten in a fight with someone and they all chose their side instead of yours. You sighed and dug around for anything that was still good enough to take with you and left for the cabin again. Memories of the fight that got you into this mess kept repeating in your head, causing you to not notice a ditch that you casually stepped into and slipped with a shriek, alarming all the walkers you so desperately tried to avoid. This time you didn't have enough time to escape and ended up surrounded, slowly taking down stumbling walkers but it wasn't long before you had them all getting too close too fast and there was no way out of this for you this time.

Not until you heard more growling, but a different kind then walkers' growls. You cowered down and hid your head between your knees, just waiting for it all to be over with as the growling became louder and the shine of the moon seemed to disappear underneath you. There was more growling and a lot of movement but nothing seemed to be directed at you and it surprised you how long you were actually surviving this whole thing. When the walkers' growls died down and the movements seemed to stop, the moon shone on the ground near you again and you carefully lifted your head to look at what happened, only to touch your nose against something wet before opening your eyes. You jumped up with a scream and ran off in the opposite direction, frantically looking back to see a giant creature standing among the corpses of the walkers that surrounded you just now. It didn't seem to move as you slowed your run and rounded it from a large distance, back on your way to the cabin to hole up in for the night, hoping the creature wasn't gonna attack you when it got hungry again. Finally back at the cabin you sat down and let out all the anger and frustration you had bottled up and cried into the murky bed that sat in the far corner. A group of walkers got in the way of his search for food. These nights were best for hunting and he always brought back the largest catch for the community. the ones who knew never spoke about it, and the ones who didn't never seemed to question it and somehow all accepted that the moonlight helped seeing late at night so it was easier to make multiple kills in one night. The group of walkers was a big one, but split after a noise somewhere further down into the woods which he also decided to follow. He came across a small campsite with only one sleeping bag and minimal supplies when another small group passed through, ruining everything in sight. He decided to watch from a distance to see what the walkers were fixated on and after a while of observing he ended on a survivor in the middle of another small section of the herd, surrounded and unable to get out by themselves. He watched as the person gave up and crawled down. As if his body moved on its own he jumped in and started gnawing away at the walkers, clawing and biting at them until all of them were down. He stepped away from the girl and sniffed around her, trying to smell for other humans or any sign of a walker bite but he found none. While he was busy she had raised her head and bumped her nose against his and jumped up with a shriek. He stepped back in confusion and stared as she ran off into the distance. He stalked her back to the cabin and decided to go back to hunting after seeing she got in safe.Normally he'd store his kills in the cabin but for now he'd have to think of something else.

You woke up later, your eyes still hurt from crying so it took a while longer to get adjusted to the darkness. When you were able to see properly again you checked out the cabin again, better this time now that you were safe and rested. While staring at the far wall you dragged yourself out of bed, stepping on something and dropping to the floor. Said something moved. "What the.. Shit!!" You called out as you tried to get away from the thing that you ran into earlier. It was large, covered in fur, and ..snoring? No, that wasn't a snore. That was more of a huff. Shit, you woke it up. It grumbled as it opened an eye to see what happened and saw you on the floor, staring in fear. It decided to get up and move further away from the bed and plop down on the floor again, keeping an eye on you until it had settled and closed them again to continue its sleep. Carefully getting back up you to make it back to the bed you spotted something near the door. Taking a better look you saw it was a pile of animals, not chewed down or torn apart but seemingly skillfully hunted. From what you could see there wasn't a lot of blood on them but their necks were clawed open or twisted in a gross way so you stopped looking and lied back down. Rest didn't really come anymore so when it was getting brighter outside you carefully snuck out of the cabin with all your stuff and left without waking the thing that accompanied you.

"I'm heading back to my group now, bye." You whispered softly as you closed the cabin door and walked off to what you hoped was your next safe stop and some food.

After what felt like an eternity you managed to catch a fish to fry and finally eat something. You took a break at the riverside and moved on after you had rested enough. You walked for a bit when you ended up on a road with a sign telling you about a place called Alexandria, a safe space according to the writing. It felt like a dream come true and you quickly made your way towards where the sign told you to go and close to sundown you finally arrived at the gates. You were quickly called after by someone on top of the gates. They asked you all kinds of questions  after someone opened one part of the gates before letting you in. A small group had gathered already and a guy named Aaron had given you some water and was talking to you together with another guy who introduced himself as Rick. He was a lot less nice than Aaron but you understood where his concerns came from. "She's fine. Quit bein' harsh on her." A gruff voice spoke from behind them. A guy with long shaggy hair moved into the group and you tried your hardest to remember if you ever saw him before but you had no idea who he was. "Ya said ya were goin' back to yer group. Why're ya here alone?" The two other men looked at him with confused looks on their faces but you tried to go along with what he said. "Yeah, I don't have a group. Thanks again for saving my ass. I didn't want to be bothering you any more than I already did." You said apologetic, hoping you came across convincing enough. "S'alright. good ya found this place." He added before going into a discussion with the other two, just out of your earshot. The man named Rick came back and brought the news that you were accepted into their community as long as you posed no threat to anyone and pulled your weight in the group. You agreed to all the terms he gave you and led you to an empty home where you could live for tonight. They all understood you were tired and left you alone for the time being. After you cleaned yourself up you went to sit down on your porch to take in your surroundings. It all felt surreal, it looked like this place had never even seen a walker at all.

"Hey, you." The guy from before made his way over to your porch and sat down next to the bench, keeping an acceptable distance to not scare you off. You welcomed him and moved down to sit closer so you could talk easier. "You saved me last night, didn't you." You asked quietly, not sure if it was something okay to ask about. He nodded and thanked you for not freaking out about it. "S'alright. My name's Daryl."

"Thank you for saving my ass, really. And for  saying what you did when I got here." You had introduced yourself before at the gate and now you talked about how you lost your group and ended up in the area. It was clear you were skilled enough to survive on you own as long as you didn't get caught off guard. "So, am I allowed yo ask about last night?" You wondered carefully, earning a smile and a nod. He told you about his hunting trips during the full moons and the further his story went, the more he wondered how you were so calm about it all. "I guess I have a soft spot for big monsters that are nice to people? I used to watch old monster movies for days on end before al of this." You turned away shyly. "I gotta admit, I've always been a sucker for werewolves." Saying that out loud made you want to curl up and disappear, but instead of being answered with something hurtful or being laughed at, you got a genuine smile and a "Glad I saved yer ass, then." He replied casually. "Finally someone who ain't scared of that side." The sad tone in his voice was hard to miss now and you felt bad for him. You gave him your biggest smile and leaned closer to him. "I like both of your sides."

You were new here and it was all still a little scary, but you knew it was all going to be alright with your big, not so bad wolf at your side.

#daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon imagine #twd #twd imagine #twd x reader #twd oneshot #daryl dixon oneshot #the walking dead x reader #the walking dead imagine #the walking dead oneshot #the walking dead #werewolf au #werewolf!daryl dixon #sometimes i write

[bangteamhyuk]

Got It

Synopsis: (Secret Agent! AU) You sat on barstool inside a strip club. You have your eyes on Kim Taehyung, another mercenary agent like you. You planned it for months. You were hired to intercept Kim Taehyung before he can transport an information that could ruin  several market industry. Your goal is to steal his watch. However, you were faced with slight difficulty. You were enjoying his company way too much. Can you resist his charms? You have to try harder.

Warning: Mature Content, mentions of weapon, sexually suggestive conversation, lap dancing, dry humping.

Word count: 3,395

Mood song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wjbY0Tyfr4

“One Bourbon, please” you ordered as you raised your hand to signal the bartender and slowly sat on the barstool. You swiveled from your seat and leaned with your arm on the high table while you wait for your drink.  

From your seat you could see men riveted to the girls on the stage, dancing, flying and grinding down to a pole. But your eyes were fixated on somewhere else. You’ve been waiting for this for so long, meticulously planned and watch it fall in to proper places before you could make this move.

You were wearing a tight-fitting midnight violet dress, chest slightly exposed, and the hem ending right above your thigh. When your drink arrived, you shifted from your seat, legs crossed, and your elbow resting from the table as you took a sip from the rock glass. You tucked your hair from your ear when it fell, and you could swear someone was gazing at your direction.  It was hard for men not to look at you, they’d be damned if they didn’t.

Well, naturally you’d be attracting a lot of men from your seat, since you are one of the few women inside in a male-catered strip club. You weren’t there for a show, or some woman engulfed with jealousy to see your cheating husband having fun.  No, tonight you are an exception. You are there for a purpose and right now he is finally staring at you. Just one seat apart.

“Your first time?” He asked, taking a shot from his glass. He raised his empty glass to indicate the bar tender to refill his drink with a 21-year-old Royal Salute. You raised one eye brow and looked at his direction. “No” you smiled.

“What brings you here then?” he pursed his lips and folded his arms. His eyes now surveying you. “Observing…” your body leaning a bit forward to his direction, not showing one bit of intimidation. “Observing?” he continued, in return he also leaned towards you, not backing out as if taking up to your challenge. “Hmm..” you chuckled, sitting back from your position and being the first one to concede to whatever it is you two have stirred. You sipped from your glass, eyes now looking at the women dancing.

“You like women?” he tilts his head

“I like men more” you replied, as your finger traced the outlines from your glass and you stared back. You faintly saw his spine shake, as if you have roused something from him, piqued his interest.

“What brings you here?” You asked coyly. He just bats his eyes and smiled. Damn, he looked cute.

“Just like any other men, up to no good.” He confessed and grinned. “So, you are here to observe and learn from those women up on the stage? For what? For your boyfriend?” he looked back to the stage and sip from his glass.

“You could say that… but no, I am doing it for someone else, someone I want to attract for the night…” you spoke bluntly, while looking at him even if he was looking at somewhere else.

He turned around and smirked “Must be one lucky guy”.

“Who knows, it might just be you.” you shrugged as you looked away, smirking. You finished whatever that is left from your glass.  

“Kim Taehyung” he extended his hand to yours. You looked back and smiled.

“Y/N” you replied.

“Nice to meet you Kim Taehyung” you shook his hand.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

You already knew who he was. Kim Taehyung.

Your current client, a man named Mr. Ong who holds a seat on an international trade bureau, introduced Taehyung’s file to your office one night. During your study, you found out several similarities you shared him. Both of you are mercenaries, independent agents to whoever have any interest to shell out millions of dollars for a single task.

Both of you had a promising future, but dropped out from school just because. Both of you started early on this underground business knowing that the pay is more than good, in fact it blasphemously outrivaled any other job. Fuck. You roll your eyes. You are pretty sure he gets the same elation after every successful mission. You two must be insane, and that further ignited your pursuit. Nothing is more attractive to you than a man who shares the same ambition, no matter how morally wrong it appears to achieve.

You were tasked to steal an information from him, encrypted to a memory card hidden somewhere beneath his watch, as you were told. Your client insist that it is of great importance, that the market industry of several countries will be in jeopardy if that information is not intercepted immediately. Honestly, you could not care less.

Now that the secret transporter is right in front you, his boxy smile is definitely testing your confounded endeavor and your damn loyalty to the money.  You furtively shake your head hoping to keep your mind refocused on the present task.  You can’t let your months of probing, studying profiles and building a fake character around the people involved just to get this close to him go to waste tonight.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh so you knew my friend Jimin huh?” he chuckles. Finishing his 5th shot of whiskey. He raised his again to gesture the bartender for a 6th refill. “I’m appalled you haven’t gotten under his influence. Typically, women just…” he laughed midway. You didn’t know why, but you did the same. You weren’t drunk just yet, but you somehow already feel intoxicated around him.

“…just are drawn to him. Even when he just breathe, they are instantly swept off their feet by Park freaking Jimin. It’s not just women, even men!” He raised both his brows, clearly surprised.

“Maybe, but I’m drawn more to men who is crazy as me.” You flipped your hair, exposing your neck. “…and he doesn’t quite make the cut” you continued.

You smirked as the sight of him gulped. He took a quick glance from your bare display of your decolletage. Did that surprise him? But you were just getting started.

“What do you mean by that?” he slowly returns his gaze from your skin towards your eyes.

“Well…” you tilt your head bashfully as you stood up and move to a sit right next to him, finally closing the gap.

“I like to make. Bold. Moves. That’s for starters” you bit on your lips trying not flash another smile, as you took his glass from him and downed all its contents empty. He froze. You left him dumbfounded.

You looked at the sight quite proudly, taking control of the mis en scene, leaving him bewildered and vulnerable. It is only a matter of time and patience to have him finally wrapped around your fingers, and you are willing take it slow. Shit. Are you enjoying this way too much?

“Bold moves? I hope you are not revealing yourself way too much. It’s pretty dangerous” he looks away as he asked for another refill you stole from him.

You chuckled as you were holding on to your empty glass, staring blankly at it “Aren’t I? I kind of like that sound” Suddenly you felt his warm palms against yours. You stopped smiling as you turn your gaze towards him, clearly off-guard. “Your glass please?” he demanded as he smirked.

Did he just took over and shift the control of the present situation to him? You jolted at the thought.

“Sure…” you handed your empty glass over to him. He held it for the bartender to have it filled with the same drink he had earlier. “I hope you don’t steal anything from me for now on. I don’t like it.” He said sternly.

“Sorry” you apologized, looking down.  You suddenly stiffened from your seat. Wait, did you just apologized to the person who you are supposed to deceive and exploit by the end of the night?

“It’s fine” he snickered. “Women showing regret when they’re wrong, that’s genuinely attractive” he gleamed at his own glass as he took a swig.

You were lost in thought. Confused. What just happened? You never liked the idea nor the feeling of being subordinate. You love being in authority. Men, influential men, you always find them on their knees begging before you and asking for your help. It is the view you glorified, perpetually.

Just how many women can make men desperate without taking off their clothes or pointing out a gun? What you two have is far greater than a human figure or artillery, it was knowledge. Vast one that can possibly create a war if one of you ever fancy. It is the reason why you kept this job.

However, you are confronted by a man who might just be far superior than you are. Have you misjudged him?

“Do you… perhaps find me attractive?” you tried revert the situation with your question.

“I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t be.” he replied. He raised his eyebrow

“Sorry for earlier. Maybe I can make it up to you if I show you how remorseful I can be?” you instigated.

“Oh, was it not enough?” he licked his lips.

You shook your head. “I can do better.”

You pursed your lips pointing out to the dancer. “Want me to show you? All free. Well, that is, if you agree..”

“Right now?” he enquired as you nodded.

Quickly, he downed the last of his whiskey. You waited for his reply. “Where can I see this show you were saying?”

“Follow me” you held his hand and left the strip club.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

As you opened your hotel room, you directed Taehyung to enter first. He was hesitant at first, but your smile softened any trace of doubt from him and finally entered the room.

“Nice room. Quite cozy…” he looked around the ceiling even if there wasn’t anything to see. You closed the door behind you.

“Sit” you pointed at the wooden chair to Taehyung. He obliged, yet his feet were shaking.

“Relax, I’m not going to do an interrogation” You stood behind him, reaching out an arm as you gently pressed your hand on to his lap, assuring his safety. He suddenly quivered from his sit. “We haven’t even started yet.” You chuckled.

He moved his head, as if tickled at the dry sensation of your voice which sits right next to his ears. You pulled out your phone from your purse and filtered through the contents of your playlist.  Finally you found it and played the song you’d love Taehyung to hear.

As the first verse fiddled, you surprised Taehyung by dropping down your heel in between his legs from behind while he remained seated. The sight left him paralyzed. Finally, you were back in control.

You brushed your hand on your bare legs from your thigh down to your heel, entrapping him further to you, with your delusive enticement. You needed to put his attention on you, and kept it as long as you could.

You shift your position, and danced in front of him now. Swaying your hips, spreading your legs and dropping down on your heels, shamelessly. You let him watch and do nothing from his sit.

When the song was almost over, you artfully sat on his lap, moving your hips against him as if simulating the act of copulating. It was dastardly obscene, but you are not one bit regretful. In fact, if this isn’t a part of your job you would gladly taken your clothes off for him by now.

Suddenly you felt his growing bulge. You were startled and left flustered, but you got to keep on going. You looked away from him, unsure what to do next, yet he swiftly took your chin to face him.

Earlier, you found this man adorable and full of charm, but now you found yourself intimidated at his gazed and the abrupt change from his face. His expression unyielding. His posture dignified.

His free hand secured your back, while you move not letting you leave a single gap away from him. He bit his tongue and watch you danced. Everything about him suddenly felt fatal and intense.

You didn’t want that. His hands are not supposed to be there. It will ruin your plan. So you pulled out both of his hand placed it above his head. You held on to his wrists. You secured it with your left hand as you unbuttoned his shirt slowly, using your right.

You weren’t choking him, yet you found his eyes shut and his mouth gasping for air. Then it hit you. It’s the perfect chance for you to end this whole ordeal. You brushed your nose on his shoulder slowly moving up to his ears. Lips almost touching his ear lobe.

He let a soft moan.

You whispered sweet nothings against his ears, telling him how good he is just by merely sitting down. You made sure he was so distorted from reality, unaware of the fact that you are beginning to take his watch from his wrist.

“Aren’t good boys the best?” you whispered as you pressed down the pressure point that sends him unconscious. You sighed.

“That was easy huh?” You stood up and fixed yourself from the table mirror. You looked at the watch and smiled. Delighted to find yourself victorious.

You took your purse and tucked his watch inside. “Oh, I almost forgot!” you picked up your phone which you tossed on the floor earlier. Before you left the room, you took one last look at the man.

Has it not been for work, you would’ve asked him out for coffee instead of a private show and a lap dance. It could have led something and somewhere better for the both of you. “Maybe in another dimension, we could have been drinking hot coffee right now, talking how shitty our jobs are…” you shrugged. What were you expecting? You just knocked him unconscious and you were waiting for a reply?

You turn off the lights of the room and left.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Upon arriving at your apartment, you began to inspect his watch, looking for the memory card your client desperately covets. You carefully unscrew his watch, removing its contents gently. You finally found the memory card hidden at the back of the plate.

You took your memory card reader device and connected it to your laptop. You opened the folder and found that there was only a single file in it. You checked. It’s a recorded video.

“Hi Y/N. Surprised?” he chuckled. Damn it. You knew you are screwed.

“Well to be honest, I wouldn’t expect you to get this far, but hey, congratulations! Well done! But don’t you think I’m a far better player?” He scrunched his nose while staring at the camera. You snickered. You nodded, showing you’ve conceded. You were well played.

“You see, I always knew one day I might be able to face a tough contender. But…” he looks at his watch on his wrist and then throws an identical one above his face and catch it with the same hand. Dangled it on the front of the camera as if to annoy you further at your defeat. “You always can’t be too sure, can you? Wait…” he fixed his camera and placed it on the floor.

He rolled his pants, and wrapped the original watch around his thin ankle and hid it with his socks and pants. “It’s going to be uncomfortable from now on, but at least I’d be able to sleep soundly tonight” you were baffled at the scene. You were right. You have definitely underestimated him.

“Oh, you were wondering how I knew you before getting this? Well, let me enlighten you. The moment I received this specific job to transport this information from my client to another. I made a point of doing some research, finding who my client might be having bad terms with. Unfortunately, I trickled it down to your client, Mr. Ong. I have him followed by the people I trust. Later on, I found out that he had hired you, so I asked someone to follow you too. Actually, you may have heard of him.” You gasped. No, you shook your head, hoping you were wrong.

He nodded, as if he saw right through you from the screen. “Jimin. Yes, Park Jimin. You see, never underestimate a seemingly naïve man. You never know what’s underneath them.” He looked down to where his original watch was hidden, as if adding more fuel to your growing frustration.  It’s funny how you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him. You actually admired him. His dedication to his job and the extent he is willing to do to get it done, that’s definitely appealing.

“We made it a point that he acts friendly towards you, make it conspicuous that he knows me. I needed you to look for me, follow me, and then trapped you down to where I want you to be.”

Your mouth was left agape. You remembered everything completely. From the moment Jimin introduced himself to you in a coffee shop, and down to taking you out for the evening. One night he insists on taking you home, when you two are walking the streets he suddenly pointed out the strip club, and then shared stories of him and his friend Taehyung who loves to spending time inside it.

How have you been so stupid and gullible, not having any slight idea that getting that information from Jimin was too fast and easy. Things are starting to make sense now.

“I made sure we meet at the strip club. Something tells me you have a knack for dancing…” he winked at the screen. “I always knew you have thing for good men. Good but naughty ones, right?” He nods to himself “Yeah, I also did my research well.” He folds his arms and sat comfortably from his chair. “I hope I convinced you enough to make you interested and keep you from being attracted to me.” He showed his boxy grin. “Aren’t I irresistible? Anyway, I’d also like to thank you. If you haven’t realized yet. I took something quite important from you too.” You froze. What was it that he took away from you?

“Your anonymity, that you hold so dearly.” He was right. Like any other mercenary agents, you desired working in the shadows. Having your true identity known will hold you back, that why you never kept a single person close to you. It’s going to disturb you from work. “Don’t you agree knowledge is very powerful and beguiling?” He looks at the watch from his wrist and pointed something on the side. “If you have been keener, you will absolutely realize that in between the strap of the watch you stole from me have a little device called locator.” Shit! You quickly packed your essential things in your knapsack. You knew what’s coming next.

“I told you, I like women who show remorse if they misbehave. Girls like you should be punished don’t you think so? But, thankfully, I’m quite a forgiving man. I am giving another minute after this video ends, so you can escape. Sorry Y/N, I am also doing my job. I needed more time before you can intercept me again. Maybe, if the time is right. We can have coffee?” you chuckled at the absurdity of the situation. The video ended with that. Asking you out for coffee when the time is right.

“Yeah, I’d love that” you chuckled. You can hear the police from downstairs looking for you. If only you have been more careful and overvalued him you wouldn’t be caught in this situation. You scoffed at screen. Looking at it one last second before you closed your laptop.

The smile of the person who just outsmarted you.

You quickly left from your window to run on the roof above your apartment. Suddenly your phone buzzed. A message from an unregistered number. While running you opened it and saw his message. “I had fun. Thanks for the private show ;) Don’t forget to throw your phone. I’d love to see you next time.” You chuckled as you threw your phone aimlessly away. Damn. He was good.

“Kim Taehyung, you got it” you smirked.

Author’s note: Thank you for giving time. I really appreciate it! 

#bts fanfic #kim taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung fan fiction #Kim Taehyung x you #Kim Taehyung one shot #bts secret agent au #bts fanfiction #taehyung x reader #Kim Taehyung x reader #taehyung smut #taehyung x you

[vlindervin7]

Here’s a short little extra scene for my ‘all the poets’ au! Read it here or on ao3 <3 

Kieu My awakes to the sounds of birds chirping and rays of sunlight piercing the drapes in front of the window. She shuffles around her bed a little when her arm bumps into something warm and solid. She’s disoriented for all of two seconds, before remembering she’s not in her own bed, but rather in Fatou’s, where she had fallen asleep with her after hours of discussing all the things that had happened and laughing and getting to know each other all over again with all the facets of their identity in the open. And also making out.

She opens her eyes, a smile already on her face before seeing the axolotl in space stuck to Fatou’s wall and smiling even harder.

If she hadn’t physically been in Fatou’s literal bed right now, she probably would’ve believed it had all been a dream.

The clock on the bedside table says it’s 11:15. Kieu My isn’t really surprised she slept in that late when usually her biological clock wakes her around nine no matter the day of the week. After staying up most of yesterday night composing the scrapbook and making it the best she could, and then spending a whole day in school stressed out of her mind for what she was planning on doing in the afternoon, though, her body really needed the extra sleep.

Next to her, Fatou seems to still be fast asleep and Kieu My takes a moment just to take her in, now that she can without fear of being caught out or coming on too strong. She lets her eye linger on her cute nose, and the wisps of curly hair that are too short to be contained by her bun, and her soft pink lips that she now knows taste just as sweet as she’d always imagined, just as sweet as Fatou herself is.

She doesn’t know if Fatou’s lips are just that special, or if it’s a side effect of being with someone she actually has strong feelings for, but kissing had never felt as good as it had last night.

God, she still can’t believe Fatou actually likes her. Not picture perfect Kieu My, not pretty Kieu My, not party Kieu My, but just Kieu My and all the sides of her she doesn’t usually show people. It’s such a surreal feeling that she can’t help but laugh at the absurd turn her life has taken. And all because of a physics assignment.

At that moment, Fatou shifts a bit beside her, and Kieu My stays very still hoping she didn’t wake her, but it’s too late. Fatou blinks awake like a kitten and her face breaks open into a smile the moment her eyes land on Kieu My, rays of light warming her up all over.

‘Hi’, she croaks with her small voice still full of sleep.

‘Hey’, Kieu My answers and then they just stare at each other in disbelief for a moment before breaking out in giggles.

Fatou shuffles a little bit closer to Kieu My on the bed, burrowing deeper into the blankets and taking her hand, lacing their fingers together before bringing them to her mouth to press a kiss against it. Kieu My doesn’t know how it’s possible for such a small gesture to have the power to make her feel so gutted. An image pops into her brain of a small rock triggering an avalanche. An ocean of feelings.

‘Have you been awake long?’

Kieu My glances at the clock again. ‘About twenty minutes maybe.’

‘And you’ve just been lying here? Why didn’t you wake me?’, Fatou asks with a small furrow between her eyebrows like it genuinely bothers her.

Kieu My shrugs. ‘It’s okay, you looked so cosy. I was thinking.’

Fatou looks a mix of bashful and amused at the answer. ‘Your enormous brain just never stops, does it?’

‘Careful or I’ll eat yours, Axolotl Girl.’

Fatou laughs when she kisses her. Kieu My distantly wonders whether it should feel gross when they’ve just woken up. It doesn’t. It’s just as sweet as yesterday.

When they seperate, Kieu My says: ‘I feel weird not wearing makeup.’

She’s not sure why she chose to say this when there’s so many other things she could’ve gone with, but it’s what she was feeling and she always finds herself being uncharacteristically honest around Fatou.

The girl in question doesn’t seem to think it’s a weird thing to say, just looks at her like she couldn’t think of anything better to do in the world than get to know Kieu My. She’s always looked at her like that, she realises, and it makes Kieu My feel like she can be brave. So, when she asks ‘why’, Kieu My answers:

‘I’m not used to letting anyone see me without. Makes me feel vulnerable. Like I have less control over the situation, I guess. I don’t know.’

Fatou humms, like she’s thinking it over. ‘I think you’re just as breathtaking with or without makeup. But I don’t really care what you look like. I mean -- I do care, because you’re beautiful, but it’s not important to me. I mean --’, and then she cuts off, bringing the hand not holding Kieu My’s up to her forehead to tap it in embarrassment. ‘Wait, let me try again.’

Maybe in a little bit of a mean move, Kieu My lets her flaunder through the explanation, when she thinks she probably knows what she’s trying to say, but she just looks so cute. And she can’t lie and pretend it doesn’t feel nice to have someone do their very best to reassure her of something she struggles with. She does smile, though, to let her know she’s not offended or anything else that’s not completely, overwhelmingly happy right now, because she’s not that mean.

‘I just mean I always think you’re beautiful, no matter what, but that’s only a very, very small part of why I like you. You’re so much more than that.’

Despite knowing what was coming, the words still make their way straight to Kieu My’s heart, and embarrassingly, she thinks that if she let herself linger on them, they’d find their way to her tear ducts, too. But not today.

‘Most of the boys I was with before only liked me because they thought I was hot, or because they’d never ‘made out with an Asian girl before’. Or they only liked me at first at parties and such, but then when it turned out I’m a real person with flaws and problems and emotions, they’d grow tired of me.’

She’s never talked about how much it hurt and how useless it made her feel, like some toy that’s only fun until you get used to its tricks and the excitement dies out. She’s never had to verbalise it to her friends because they were there for most of it, but somehow it feels necessary to talk about it with Fatou. She wants to share everything with her.

She turned her gaze to the ceiling when she started speaking, too aware of Fatou’s eyes on her, so she doesn’t know how she’s reacting until Fatou squeezes their interlaced fingers tightly, twice, and then once more, and it gives her the courage to go on.

‘That’s one of the reasons I freaked out on you, too. I’m not really used to people being interested in me for more than my looks, so when you said you wanted to meet Zombie Woman, but also made it clear you weren’t interested in the real life version of me... I panicked. It’s the complete opposite of what always happens to me, and I figured you’d be disappointed, or didn’t like me, after all, or… I don’t really know what I thought exactly, just that there was no way it would end well.’

Her voice is getting a bit wobbly near the end, so she stops talking, having said everything she needed to say. She resolutely keeps her gaze fixated on one point on the ceiling for fear of her eyes spilling over. She hadn’t cried yesterday, but lying here next to Fatou in her bed right now, and verbalising everything she’d been feeling when it all went wrong is a lot, the relief she’s suddenly feeling so fucking strong, and it’s more than she can reasonably handle with a straight face.

‘Hey’, Fatou says, then, reaching out to lay her free hand on Kieu My’s cheek in a gesture asking her to look at her, and while Kieu My’s resolve not to cry right now might be strong, the effect Fatou has on her is infinitely stronger, and she’s powerless in the face of her gentle encouragements. She turns her head, and the sight of Fatou’s kind face really is a much better one than the white ceiling had been. ‘It did end well. And I like all of you.’

The tears do spill over at that, just two or three, but they rush down her cheeks in a stream of relief and happiness and, she can’t say it out loud yet, but love. ‘I like all of you, too.’

Fatou turns her over so she can climb on top of her, and then she’s peppering Kieu My’s tear-stained face with kisses, and they’re both laughing, carefree and uninhibited.

Kieu My never knew it could be like this.

She feels so still inside.

#druck #kieutou #kieutou au #local writer decides to be gay instead of studying for her exams #my writing

[sepublic]

Productively Handling an Issue

          A while back, I got an ask where an Anon felt like Luz deserved some degree of punishment for the book report incident, even if the Reality Camp WAS a bit much. I’ve also noticed some discussion of the potential danger of what Luz did. And thinking about it… Here are my thoughts, and how this connects to the show’s recurring themes as a whole;

           I do agree that what Luz did WAS a mistake… But to me, it seemed like a fairly innocent and innocuous mistake. Definitely the worst thing she had done up until that point, but otherwise… Not something that needed too much punishment? Maybe even none at all… At the very least, the Reality Camp was going overboard.

           It’s worth noting that those snakes are definitely Luz’s pets. Camila alludes to Luz having ‘reptilian’ friends… Not to mention, she and Principal Hal don’t bat an eye at Luz bringing the snake to the meeting and holding it in her bare hand! The implication is obviously that the snakes are Luz’s pets, and considering the kind of person Camila is… I doubt she’d let Luz have dangerous snakes as pets- At the very least, no more dangerous than a dog or a cat would be. Like I said; Her and Hal are completely fine with Luz bringing her snake to the meeting, in her bare hand; They don’t expect it to hurt them or Luz, and obviously this expectation is transmitted to Luz. To Luz, if her mother lets her have the pet snakes, then clearly they’re not dangerous; And if they’re safe for Luz, then surely they’re safe for other kids as well!

           Luz probably disregarded the snakes biting other students’ hair as them just ‘playing’… Which DOES point to the snakes being mostly harmless. Let’s be real here, a cockroach crawling onto a person wouldn’t actually hurt them, but it’d definitely freak them out and make them act as if they were bitten… I speak from experience, and as someone who thinks roaches are low-key interesting creatures no less!

           But of course, that’s still rather negligent on Luz’s part to disregard how other kids may feel. At the same time though –especially when one considers how she’s coded as ADHD- I’m willing to give her some slack because it really DID seem like a genuine, honest mistake… That Luz figured that if her mom and Hal were fine with Luz handling these snakes, what’s so different about other kids handling them? Definitely a mistake, but I think one that Luz merely needed to be informed of, rather than punished for.

           Then there’s the fireworks… ALSO dangerous and wrong, but- Luz isn’t exactly a criminal (at least not yet she wasn’t). Last I checked, you can’t buy fireworks without being an adult –or at least older than Luz was- so this points to the fireworks being something that was already at home, and thereby accessible to her. Not trying to shift the blame towards Camila, mind you… I do agree that Luz did a genuine mistake, and Camila is a single, working-class nurse and likely away from home a lot, just so she can keep her kid fed. I can’t entirely blame Camila for not remembering to tell Luz that even if the fireworks are accessible in their home, they’re not to be toyed around with.

           We don’t exactly know what Luz’s plans were, but I assume she planned to set them off outside. I don’t think she was hell-bent on setting the fireworks off, no matter what; She seems willing to stop when Hal and Camila indicate they’re a bad idea, so it’s likely that Luz just did not realize that they canbe that dangerous. I wouldn’t so much say that Luz was actively, apathetically disregarding the safety of others, as she was simply caught up in the idea of doing something that could dazzle and impress her classmates.

           Again, that isn’t to say that Luz DIDN’T mess up… She made mistakes, let’s be real here! But the thing is… She really didn’t seem to know better, and when Camila and Hal DO tell Luz to stop; She readily agrees! Obviously they brought up the Reality Camp as a punishment beforehand, but based on what we see of Luz’s personality afterwards –even if one takes character development into account- I doubt she needed to be threatened in order to agree with changing her behavior.

          In fact, I’m not sure if Luz even needed to be punished; At the very least, her ‘punishment’ would be something that focuses on rectifying the situation with those students her pets harassed. She’s not like Lilith, who willingly took chances with Luz’s life and risked it during her final duel with Eda, even if she probably thought Luz wouldn’t actually die! By contrast, Luz didn’t intentionally overlook the safety of her classmates, because she never realized/considered there was any danger to begin with… Impulsive, but understandable given her ADHD-coding, and certainly not dumb nor apathetic!

           I think something very important to remember is that Luz does promise to change her behavior, to not make the same mistakes again! She really was willing to respond to criticism; Which makes it all the more painful when the snake, beyond Luz’s control, attacks Hal. That scene was honestly very uncomfortable to me; Luz didn’t even get the chance to change her behavior, to fix things, before she got punished! Luz immediately being sent to the Reality Camp for something that happened as a result of a prior mistake she was already planning to fix (instead of a new one she made after her promise), a mistake she didn’t even get a moment to rectify…

           It just comes across as cruel, mean-spirited, and outright petty! Spiteful, even… Like come on, Luz made it clear she was going to change and fix things, or at least try! And Principal Hal LET Luz bring the snake into his office, and hold it in her bare hand right in front of him! Luz is just following the guidance of the adults, looking to them to tell her what’s right or wrong… If Hal let Luz bring the snake in and it attacked him, then he’s partly to blame for poorly mishandling the incident! He IS a principal, after all, he should know about de-escalating situations and ensuring the safety of everyone else at hand here, when kids can’t tell what’s dangerous or not. It’s definitely Luz’s fault for bringing the snakes to school, but it’s not her fault for bringing the snake into the office when Hal let her!

           Coupled with how Luz was willing to change her behavior, didn’t even get the chance to, and how that snake was part of a mistake that happened BEFORE she made her promise… It all just comes across as more like a vindictive punishment to a kid, than an actual attempt to help them. And, I should preface that I’m no child psychologist; But even so…

           I feel like Hal and Camila’s handling of the situation established a precedent for other problems we see in this show. Namely… Luz DID have a problem. She had a problem with genuine loneliness and not knowing how to make friends, not distinguishing reality from fiction at times, and thus disregarding others as an occasional result! Luz was clearly suffering from some issues and she needed help, that’s kind of a major point!

           But the thing is… I feel like Hal and Camila (mostly Hal) didn’t address the problem in an effective manner? Which makes sense, given this show’s critique of the American school system… Luz definitely had issues of loneliness and delusion that caused prior incidents. But clearly, punishing her for those past incidents didn’t keep them from stopping… Which brings up the idea of addressing the symptoms of an underlying problem, and not the root-cause that’s causing them to begin with! Punishing Luz the first few times for her other incidents was like a band-aid, it made her stop doing those things temporarily… But she was still a kid who wasn’t taught how to differentiate fiction from reality, and so Luz was still prone to keep causing problems as a result.

           I’ll give Camila some slack, she’s a single mother and a nurse, she’s no doubt incredibly busy. But I think this concept of recognizing that there’s an issue, but then either not actually addressing the root cause behind it, or worse, handling the issue in a manner that’s less than productive and just makes the person feel worse… This seems like a precedent established by our opening scene, which we then see with OTHER characters and conflicts later in the show!

           We have Lilith, who recognizes that she cursed Eda! However, Lilith opts to wallow in self-pity and beat herself up for it, destructively tearing down her own self-esteem, instead of constructively fixing the actual problem by sharing the curse with her sister, or at least being honest about what happened! You have Luz and Willow helping Amity learn to be kinder and happier…. While leaving the implicit awareness that until the Blight Parents are addressed, Amity won’t truly heal.

          Principal Bump saw Viney, Jerbo, and Barcus getting into trouble; But instead of addressing the issue of their unmet educational needs, he instead completely banned them from practicing magic in the Detention Track! And this is speculation, but it seems that Emira and Edric WERE concerned with how cold Amity was to other people, and seemed under the impression that their cruel pranks would somehow ‘lighten her up’- When instead they just made Amity feel even more miserable, and less willing to open up and reach out.

          It’s a recurring trend- A destructive response to an issue, instead of something constructive and meant to fix the problem itself… It’s a ‘solution’ fixated on simply punishing and hurting someone as retribution for their mistakes, while the actual problem and its effects keep going on in the background. It’s ignoring a systemic cause behind these recurring incidents; Just as ignoring the Coven System and not dismantling it would be a fatal error, because even if people like Lilith and Boscha learn not to be so terrible… The Coven System will continue to enable and encourage other witches after them to do horrible things. And while individual accountability IS a thing, the show’s messages seem to point towards tackling systematic issues (either on a personal or societal level), before then having time to focus on the individual problems that came from them.

          Camila was right; Luz DID have issues with differentiating fantasy from reality, of being lonely and unsure of how to handle social interactions, etc.! Just as Lilith recognized she made a mistake, Bump saw that the Detention Kids had caused trouble, Emira and Edric noticed Amity was becoming cold and cruel… But instead of constructively fixing the issue and addressing the root cause behind it, they instead focused on patching up the individual problems that spawned from this core issue, or even simply hurting and punishing the person ‘responsible’ for them.

           Amity messed up when she was cruel to Willow, that much is clear. But piling on more cruelty towards Amity as retribution wouldn’t have helped- It wouldn’t have fixed her issues. It wouldn’t have given her the self-confidence to actually change her behavior. It would’ve just made Amity feel worse and more terrible, more self-loathing, and believe she was a terrible person who could never do things right- So why bother trying to make a difference?

           The approach of Hal, to me, seems about as effective as slapping a band-aid over an injury… You’re addressing the symptoms, but what of the actual problem that’s causing them to spawn? And that’s even assuming he DID address the symptoms… His handling of the situation, overtly punishing Luz by sending her to the Reality Camp –again for a mistake that was literally and figuratively out of her hand- did not make things better, it likely would’ve just made things worse… Or at the very least, Luz would stop misbehaving, but at the cost of major emotional damage and self-loathing.

           It’s a theme this show has been building up to; Learning to address problems in a productive, constructive manner, not focusing on punishing the culprit, but instead diverting energy into actually making things better! Making the ‘culprit’ feel worse isn’t going to fix things. And similarly, while individual accountability and incidents ARE a thing… If you really want to make a change, one must address the systemic, root-cause of the issue!

          Just as Luz’s issues stemmed from loneliness and delusion, or how people like Lilith and Boscha were encouraged by the overarching Coven System… You can help Lilith be a better person. You can get Luz to not turn her eyelids inside out. But the core of the issue will still remain, and it’s going to cause other problems in the future; Such as Luz bringing the snakes and fireworks, or further generations of witches being indoctrinated into the Coven System’s elitism and abuse.

             I might give Hal, too, some slack since he’s a principal and really busy… But then again his entire job is to look after kids and help them do well. But just as Lilith never bothered to consider why Eda still refused to join the Emperor’s Coven, even under the incentive of having her curse cured… I think Hal should’ve considered that something else was afoot that was causing Luz to repeatedly cause these sorts of incidents at school. If punishing her with detention in the past didn’t keep other issues from happening- Then what makes Hal think that punishing Luz again, with Reality Camp, will make things any different? When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Instead of telling someone to stop doing something, maybe ask WHY they’re doing that? It calls back to when Luz posed this question to Principal Bump, who initially dismissed this as him ‘not caring for the ins and outs of rascality’- Although of course in HIS case it’s understandable because he DID know and empathize, he was just afraid of the Emperor’s Coven for a good reason.

           However, just as Lilith should’ve realized that the same old promise of curing Eda’s curse and hiding the truth wasn’t going to fix things, that maybe it was time she tried a different approach… I think Hal should’ve also recognized that repeated detentions weren’t stopping Luz’s misbehavior, at least not in the long-term. He should’ve tried a different approach, and he DID… But it was a worse one. The Reality Camp would’ve just screwed over Luz and likely traumatized her, getting her to stop causing trouble but at the cost of her identity and self-esteem; Or making her SO self-loathing and desperate for loneliness, that she does worse things for attention!

           And again… I have to wonder if Hal isn’t entirely to blame, if he himself is also dealing with the underlying issue that is the American school system, which he probably grew up in. And that all ties back to a major lesson of The Owl House; That just as the Coven System needs to be addressed, so does our education system! Maybe it’s not the kids/witches who are intentionally screwing themselves over and messing themselves up, maybe it’s actually the system…!

           TL;DR Luz definitely had issues. But not only do I think we’re exaggerating her maliciousness/carelessness in this situation, but also we need to consider what was actually causing these repeated incidents… And similarly, Camila and Hal definitely recognized that there WAS a problem, potentially responsible for all of the incidents- But they didn’t handle it any better than Luz did, and would’ve just made things worse. And honestly, with how messed-up the system is back home, those two aren’t entirely to blame for their faulty approach, either…

#the owl house #owl house #the owl house luz #luz noceda #the owl house camila #camila noceda #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #the owl house amity #amity blight #the owl house bump #principal bump #hieronymous bump #the owl house hal

[princepestilence]

NYR: November in review.

Post-November horoscope: “We hate unfinished art, when it’s ungainly and imperfect, but we love it in the end. That’s why I’m here. That’s what I’m still alive for. I want to see what I become.”

Everything is moving a little too fast for me and I am feeling tired and behind. But I’m also feeling quite happy, and hopeful, because New Year is steadily approaching and soon it’ll be time to look back on what this year brought and what next year will bring. In the meantime, this is what’s been happening in November:

all of the things already covered in the last one because it was also late

started working in the office (less scary now). It’s been less stressful than I was braced for and I’m starting to find my way with it. A little apprehensive about the next change, which is the unvaxxed coworker coming to the office too, but I guess we deal with that when it happens. Overall, doing really well with both the office environment and the commute. 

didn’t write book review. Oh well. I’ll get around to it before mid-January, since that’s when I’ll be returning the book. I’ve got some holidays coming up so I can have a few lazy days of reading. 

medicated. Coming up on two months on medication and I think this is going to be a long-term thing for me. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever been this sane in my life. It’s like all the beastly wailing hounds in my head have fallen asleep and it’s so quiet. I can’t remember going this long without a dreadful lurch in mood before, and I feel just fine. Which maybe sounds negative, but it’s really not. I feel just fine. It’s really peaceful. 

went for a massage. Finally. For the first time in something like eight or nine months and it was so overdue. Going to go again soon and really treat myself over the holidays, since I’ve got all this money I put aside to use this year and didn’t because of the plague. 

starting watching some fun stuff. I want to work through fun shows and movies on my list, so I’ve started that. Rewatching some Miss Fisher, and trying out Columbo, and reliving the childhood I was deprived of by currently fixating on Meerkat Manor. I’m going to make a proper list and maybe set up a movie night once a week or something as a tradition for next year. 

talking to someone unexpected. Not a goal or anything, but worth mentioning. 

In December, I will:

finish out the year at work in a positive way. I’m feeling a little better about the conference I’m working on and not freaking out so much about the slow progress. I’ve been laying down the best foundation I can for a successful next year and hopefully that’ll be good enough. 

have a full on and busy Christmas. Not optional with the amount of family I need to see, but it will be nice to see everyone after this year. Plus it’ll be Clair’s first Christmas with the more difficult side of my family, so that’s kind of big. We’ve been dating for nearly four years and they haven’t met her yet, oops. 

leave more comments. Stealing this from last month, since I didn’t get any time for it this month. I want to talk more/comment more about things I like. 

treat myself. I’m going to get myself some nice things/experiences towards the end of this year. I’m thinking of taking a trip to the zoo if the weather is good later this month, and go for another massage, and maybe get some games I’ve been keen on. 

games. I think a solid chunk of my holidays will be dedicated to doing as little as possible and primarily playing games, because I just haven’t had time or energy or the creative juices needed for that. Despite how excited I was for it, I’ve barely touched the new Megaquarium DLC. 

write? I’d love to write more, since that’s something else that’s fallen by the wayside, but I’m not putting pressure on for that. If I write, fiction or for my thesis, it’ll be because I want to. 

#2021 resolutions