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oh-katsuki · 2 years

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Where The Panther Killed The Stag (Hanma x Reader)

masterlist | ao3 | series masterlist

Pairing: Hanma x Reader

Series Content Warnings: THIS SERIES IS A PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR AND INCLUDES THEMES OF: murder, violence, abuse, alcohol consumption, mentions of drugs, hard kinks, rumination, guilt, depersonalization, dub/noncon, organized crime, mind break, and other similar themes.

Summary: You're a good student at the top of your university class and the vice president of your student-led club. A shiny toy on the top shelf of your social circle. Hanma likes toys he can break. Slowly but surely, you begin to spiral into a twisted situation that is entirely out of your control, putting your life and the lives of the people around you at stake.

Or, Hanma takes an interest in the University of Tokyo's resident good girl.

Chapter Title: Mice, Men, and Those Above Them

Chapter Content Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of violence, threats, slight feelings of helplessness

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: I’d like to thank my ADHD for giving me the power to complete this series. I’ll be posting it on a bi-weekly basis on Tuesdays and Saturdays for the next six weeks. For now, please enjoy the first chapter and be sure to heed the content warnings as the series progresses!

You have never made waves. Well, not in the traditional negative sense. You have always been an overachiever, someone who stands out from your peers in the best way. You’ve always got your best foot forward, a star student at the top of your university, recognized yearly for your achievements with the pretty certificate to match. As far as everyone is concerned, you are the absolute cream of the crop. But you never cause trouble.

In the small town you grew up in outside of Tokyo, Nikko, you’re something of a celebrity. When you come home to visit the quiet streets of your hometown, people recognize you. They stop you and ask how you’ve been, if your studies are going well, before calling you their pride and joy. The mountain city is quaint but beautiful, famous for the shrine built nearby after the 17th century. Nothing really ever changes there and people tend to stick to the same ordinary mold, so when you got accepted into the University of Tokyo and decided to leave that cycle, people talked. They called you exceptional.

You attend the University of Tokyo on a merit scholarship, are overly involved in school activities, and are a well-known face throughout all of campus. If there is something going on, it’s likely that you’ve been a part of organizing it. That’s just how you are. A good girl with a good streak who wouldn’t dream of stepping out.

Still, you’re a people pleaser. You’ve known this about yourself since you were young, finding yourself bending to meet the will of others and coast by as a “good kid”. It’s what earned you these grades, glowing recommendations from teachers that earned you a spot at one of the most prestigious universities in Japan. You should be proud and you absolutely are.

In exchange for the ability to have complete control over your future, you give up any chance of mistakes. One slip up and that beautiful future you’ve crafted comes crumbling down. You can’t afford to let your iron grip on yourself slip.

So you don’t drink, you don’t smoke, you don’t party, or date, or have sex because none of those things fit into your life narrative. God knows you’ll probably settle down with a man (probably a medical student), work, have kids, and retire to become a housewife who runs their home with charts and lists and bulletin boards.

You will probably marry someone like Ichiro Hasegawa. Clean cut and grad school bound, he should be sitting across from you in your club board meeting. In your free time on campus, you run a student collective for learning how to network in business. It’s a large club with about 300 active members and a small board of twelve students who ensure that organization activities run smoothly. You are the Vice President, set to take Hasegawa’s place as President next year during your final year of university before graduating. Elections will be held next quarter in March.

Ichiro has dark hair and wears glasses. He’s a lot like you and honestly, you quite like him, even as his seat remains glaringly empty while the treasurer rambles on about next quarter’s budget. It’s all incredibly boring and though you enjoy the responsibility, his spiel has you tapping your foot against the floor in exasperation.

“Will we still be hosting the job expo next quarter?” He turns to you, leaning forward. “I know by that time it’ll be a new council rotation, but it’s good to know for budgeting.”

“Looks like it. We’ve just got to book a venue on campus and contact companies for programming, then we should be set. I can forward you the list of contacts later.” You chime, not needing to check your notes. It’s easy now, to put on that little fake smile and pretend you’re having a good time. You remind yourself that it’s all for your future. All of this will pay off when you have your dream job and the cushy corporate life you’ve always dreamed of.

“Sorry I’m late.” Hasegawa closes the club room door behind him, adjusting the collar of his sweater with a nervous hand.

He’s handsome, really handsome. Even now, as he takes a somewhat hurried seat across from you, you find yourself admiring how put-together he looks, the way the light from outside hits his dark hair and high cheekbones at a perfect angle. Yeah, you could definitely marry someone like Hasegawa.

“A text would have been nice.” The treasurer pipes up. Ever the straight edge. You don’t take the time to admire the irony in that thought.

Hasegawa gives you a look over his glasses that makes you instinctively straighten, nerves humming through your body as you toss him a shrug. You’re unable to protest the other’s statement, but you feel heat rise to your cheeks nonetheless. Something about him makes you nervous. This delightfully innocent back and forth the two of you have shared for the better half of the year almost makes the stress worth it.

The meeting continues about as smoothly as any meeting before it had. Hasegawa picks up the slack that you have been unable to pick up and pushes forward until the meeting nears its close, all the while sneaking you pleasant glances across the table. It’s positively middle school, but something about the way he peers at you makes you shiver pleasantly. Maybe he’ll ask you out, not that you have time for dating right now anyway.

You find yourself slipping into a pleasant daydream, one where you can relax a little bit and let him take you on a date. You might be getting ahead of yourself but hey, what’s the harm in a little fantasizing to pass the time.

You’re torn from your daydream by the club room door opening. It’s odd, as you weren’t expecting any visitors, but you see the small, quiet boy across from you grow pale, his face falling into something that looks like terror. It isn’t until you turn to the doorway and realize just why.

In the door frame stands perhaps one of the tallest men you’ve ever seen. He looks to be about twenty-something with jet black hair, save for the streaks of bleach blonde, yellow from a lack of toner. He wears a suit, gray with pinstripes and tailored to the inch. On his face are a pair of silver round-rimmed glasses and behind them sits the coldest pair of eyes you think you’ve ever seen. Just his presence sends a chill down your spine.

He glances over the room with half-lidded eyes, looking bored despite the fact that he’s just rudely intruded on a meeting, and you find yourself standing from your chair on instinct.

“Uhm, I’m sorry sir but-” You step up to him, eyes trailing up his figure as his looming presence settles over you. For a moment, he doesn’t look down, eyes staring straight ahead at Suzuki Haruto, the treasurer, whose body is rigid in the chair across the room. Then his gaze sinks down to meet yours and you’re met with stoney gold eyes. You suddenly feel like prey before a predator. “This is a uhm… private meeting.”

“Is it?” He speaks, a rich baritone voice dripping from his lips, and you can’t detect a single ounce of care. The man looks away from you just as quickly. “Suzuki, you’re late.”

“Hanma, sir!” The boy stands up, trembling as his eyes dart across the room and then back to the pather standing in front of you. “I know, sir. Money is tight and- and my mother she- we don’t- I’ll have it to you by Monday. Give me until then.”

Suzuki pleads, hands stiff by his side and his slacks bunched in them.

“So you’re in a position to beg now?” The man named Hanma replies, pulling his hands from his pocket and inspecting his nails. On the back of his hand, there is a tattoo that reads punishment. You shiver. “You think I wasted my time coming down here to hear you beg?”

It takes you a moment to register the situation, the tattoos on his hands, the demands for money, the expensive gold and diamond earring hanging from his left ear. This man is dangerous and the alarm bells in your head are firing on all cylinders as you stand before him. Even Hasegawa is stunned into silence.

“No, sir!” Suzuki shouts, far too loud for the room.

“So, if I give you until Monday, you’ll have my money? All of it?” Hanma questions, tilting his head to the side. “If you don’t, I’ll take your teeth instead. As if that would cover half of your debt.”

Hanma’s gaze drifts down to you, straight-backed in front of him. It’s bad enough that he has to take time out of his day to come collect this debt and he should be upset that he’s not getting it. Honestly, he should be taking his teeth out here one by one and making all of you watch while he does. He’s sure that would be fun and in idle passing he imagines which one of you would be sick first. But he’s bored. Hanma is so, unbelievably bored, until he sees the way you tremble when he sets his gaze on you.

You look so… malleable. Shorter than him, though just about everyone is, and cute as a button. Hanma can’t help but think that you look like you’d be fun to break and he figures that he might just poke some fun at you in his own cruel way.

“Need something?” He leans forward slightly, lacing his fingers together.

Your eyes dart to his hands where you get a good look at the tattoos, and you visibly suppress a grimace, heat flooding your body because despite yourself, his fingers look enticing. Whatever energy he has, it’s making your heart race in a way entirely unfamiliar to you. Hanma looks like someone you should be on your knees for. You shake your head slightly, answering him as well as clearing your mind of whatever repulsive thought just pushed its way into your brain.

“Uh no-” You pause. “Uh, sir.”

Hanma stands at his full height again. “Good answer.” Not that he means it.

He watches the way you look at him, wide-eyed. You look fun, like a new toy for him to break. Probably pretty when you’re in pain, when you’re so scared that you swear you’ve got ice in your veins. If Hanma is capable of showing interest in anything, it would be in you right now.

Your toes are curled in your shoes, the air deathly still. If Hanma is thinking anything, you can’t tell what it is. You pray he doesn’t find your name, that he doesn’t remember your face and you acknowledge that you’re flattering yourself thinking someone like this would take an interest in you at all. You watch as Hanma tilts his head, eyes still half-lidded and bored, watching you. For your reactions, you think. Under his gaze, you feel incredibly small.

You think he might speak again to you but instead, he looks back to Suzuki, pointing a finger at him. “Monday.”

Before he leaves, he gives a look to the room, one that turns your limbs to lead. Despite his boredom, despite the seemingly permanent deadpan he wears, you feel yourself grow heavy within his orbit. Hanma says nothing, but you know what it’s meant to do. You know the message he means to ask and the consequences for the wrong answer. What did you see? Nothing. Nothing at all.

And then he tells you with anything but words, one simple twitch of his eyes as they narrow slightly, that it doesn’t matter anyway. You’d be dead before you even reached the station.

—

Haesgawa ends the meeting almost immediately after Hanma leaves. Suzuki looks panicked, eyes wide as he pleads you all to forget what you saw. He tells you all that it isn’t a big deal, his own issue involving student debt. Some part of you feels bad for him, but when he begs for none of you to go to the police, you find that his words strike a chord deep in your chest. It’s incredible that Hanma could make someone feel like this. It’s incredible, but his presence felt so huge that you hadn’t noticed the two people waiting in the hall for him, two people who had gone under your nose because you were so focused on him. What is it like to have that much power?

“Are you okay?” Hasegawa catches up to you on your walk back to your apartment, His eyebrows pulled together in genuine worry.

“Huh? Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” You turn, giving him a genuinely warm smile. You’re flattered he even came to ask.

Hasegawa frowns, taking in your appearance. “I’ve never seen you like that.”

You think back to Hanma, the way his gaze settled on you so cooly and despite your fear, something claws in your chest. Part of you wants him to look at you again, settle that cold stare on your features. You shiver at the thought of him, the defined edges of his face, sharp eyes and features, criminally beautiful, cold, and collected.

“Oh…” You pause, licking your lips slightly and scuffing your heel against the floor. “He was just scary. That’s all.”

You’re lying because some part of you knows that wasn’t it. Even if he is bad news, Hanma wasn’t just scary, he was terrifying, panther-like in manner and gaze.

Hasegawa looks at you for a moment, nodding. “Do you think we should…”

“No.” Your response is immediate and laced with panic. “No, I think that might only cause more problems for Suzuki. He asked us not to.”

When you meet his gaze, it’s full of regret, an understanding between the both of you that speaking to anyone else about it would only make the problem worse. Hasegawa nods, fair features growing a bit solemn before he mutters a quick goodbye, suddenly uncomfortable that he’d even brought it up.

You mull over the events of the meeting in your head for the rest of the day, distracted while you study as you imagine Hanma’s hands, long and broad, ghosting across the lapel of his suit. The way he inspected his nails as if he was thinking about how Suzuki’s blood might look under them.

It’s not as if you don’t feel bad. You do, unbelievably so. There is a part of you that is weeping in this helpless position, not used to the lack of power you feel, but drawn to it all the same.

Later that evening, between studying for class and bed, your fingers ghost across the keys of the keyboard, typing in the last name you’d learned. Hanma. Even typing it out feels sacrilegious, like you’re setting yourself up for some cosmic joke.

It doesn’t take long to find information on him, hoards of it. Ironically, his job description is just “entrepreneur” on nearly every website you can find. But you’re not too concerned with it, rather, you’re concerned with the news reports on him. Scores of articles written about Hanma Shuji (which you learn is his full name) and the Tokyo-based gang Toman.

It’s here, in your ideal bedroom, seated at your ideal desk as part of your ideal life that you learn about the less than ideal part of Tokyo that is Toman. A violent gang, more akin to white-collar criminals, run on a massive scale. Drugs, murder, informants, arrests, mass shootings, just about everything you see in those cheesy gang movies that run on late-night television. But this is real. This is real and you’ve just made yourself a witness to dangerous criminal activity. You and your perfect, squeaky clean record has just seen something that could get you killed.

You scroll for what feels like hours before stopping at a photo of Hanma in a club, seated behind a red velvet rope. Under his arms are two beautiful young women in matching dresses and they’re fawning over him, eyes wide as he stares ahead at something off-camera, entirely unbothered. It’s that same familiar stare he gave you and you find yourself squeezing your thighs together.

Your mind wanders back to Hanma and his tattoos, the very literal meaning behind sin and punishment and you’re certain that there is nothing you can do for your friend. Getting involved in this, going to the authorities, you’re sure that they’d hurt him for it. That his family or yours would pay the price for ratting them out. You might be a goody-two-shoes, but you have enough common sense to know your place in this particular food chain.

You don’t sleep much that night, unable to get the memory of Hanma’s eyes out of your head. But when you do dream, you dream of a deer and a panther.

#hanma x reader #hanma x reader smut #hanma shuji x reader #hanma shuji x reader smut #tw: dark content #minors dni #[ 📕 – writing ]#please please please heed the warnings of this fic as I post it #I am very excited to be able to post this now that i've written the entire series out #and i hope you guys enjoy it #even if it is different from what i usually write #tw: threats #tw: mentions of violence

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anguilliforme · 8 months

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Bushfire / Wildfire preparation and survival (long post)

Because of climate change, we will be facing increasingly difficult fire seasons not just for this year, but for what I can only assume will be every year from here on out. While I fully recommend contacting your local fire services to find information most helpful to you, here is a list of general advice for bush/wildfire preparation and survival. This list will cover:

General things you should know before preparing for fire season

Pre fire season preparation

Your evacuation kit

What to do on fire risk days

What to do if you choose to evacuate

What to do when you evacuate too late and your car is about to be caught in the fire

What to do if you choose to stay and defend your home

Firefighting tools

How to defend your home from a fire

What to do as the fire front approaches

What to do if your home catches on fire while you're in it

No house no car no evacuation centre- best places to use as emergency shelter

I am Australian so I will be using the word "bushfire" because that is what I am familiar with, please feel free to replace it with wildfire or whatever your local term is. Information is taken from the CFA, Fire TAS, and the NSW rural fire service but please check with your local fire authorities for the best information for your area.

General things that you should know:

You don't have to be in the middle of nowhere to be at risk for a fire. If you are located near paddocks, grasslands, costal scrub, or if your neighbourhood borders bushland (or woodlands/forests for my non aussie friends) you can be at risk.

Familiarise yourself with your local fire danger rating system (FDRS) I can not stress this enough. Go on your local fire services website now and look it up. I will be using the Australian FDRS as a reference because it is what I am most familiar with. It looks like this:

You should understand what your local FDRS levels are, because they are extremely important tool for communicating the possible severity of fires, and can help you make important decisions on how you should act.

You should also familiarise yourself with your local wind patterns. You would be surprised by how many people die in bushfires because they are unfamiliar with wind change patterns and get caught out.

Pre fire season preparation- your house

Prepare your property! This is basic fire safety, and most people who live rural will be familiar with the motions but for those who aren't in the know:

Keep the grass in your lawn cut to 10cm (4in) or less. Rake your lawn so there aren't loose leaves or twigs in the grass. Clean your gutters while you're at it.

Store any wood piles and flammable liquids away from your house (put it in a shed or any building that isn't attached to your house).

Cut back any trees that are overhanging your roofs. Generally you want 10m (or 33ft) of clearance. Prune the lower branches of shrubs to separate them from any possible fuel underneath them.

Line your garden beds with pebbles instead of mulch, if you have any shrubs or bushes under windows get rid of them.

Evacuation kit

You should have an evacuation kit ready to go during fire season. This is different for every individual but here are a few things that should go into it:

Scan all of your important documents (birth certificates, wills, passports, drivers licences, insurance documents, etc) and put them on a USB. Put this in your kit alongside the documents.

Your medication. Your prescription paperwork if it is not digital.

Portable chargers for your devices.

A battery-operated radio (check the batteries regularly).

100% wool blankets. Enough for everybody in your household to be fully covered. Do not pack anything synthetic. These blankets need to be accessible if you are travelling by car so do not pack them in the bottom of any bags.

"Bushfire fits", clothing that is either wool, heavy cotton, or denim. Once again, no synthetic fabrics. Shoes should be leather boots and not sandals or runners. There needs to be enough to clothe everyone in your household.

If you have pets you need to have their carriers, medication, food/water and bowls ready.

You should also have food and (more importantly) water for yourself and everyone in your household ready to go should you need to evacuate.

Other pre fire season preparation things

Practice packing your car at least once so you know exactly how long it will take you to get ready if you do end up needing to leave.

Talk with your neighbours. If you can't drive they might be able to drive you, if they're staying they may be willing to help defend your house if you let them use your water. You'll never know if you don't ask.

You need to talk with the people in your household and decide whether you will stay to defend your home from the fire or evacuate. If you want to evacuate you need to agree on which FDRS danger level you will evacuate on, or what your trigger to leave will be.

If you will leave, decide ahead of time how you will leave and where you will go. In a fire, phone services ay go down; have a physical map that shows not only your main evacuation route, but also your backup ones. Have these clearly marked.

On fire risk days

Stay informed. Listen to your local radio and use more than one source of information if available. You want to know if a fire starts near you.

If you have a deck or verandah with mats or furniture on it, move them away from your house. Hanging pots need to go too.

If you have a car behind an electric gate or garage door take it out and have the car facing the road ready to go.

Ensure your evacuation kit is ready to go. Make sure that everyone is aware of the evacuation trigger and has agreed to leave.

If you choose to evacuate

Leaving early is always the safest option. Many things can be replaced, but your life can't. This is the official stance of the Australian government. Leaving early (as in, before the fire even starts) will prevent any issues being caught in your car during a bushfire can bring. You do not want to drive through heavy smoke, and you do not want to accidentally block roads for emergency services.

Make sure everybody is in their bushfire fits, even if you can't see the fire. Better safe than sorry.

Turn off your home's gas and (if you have the time) plug your downpipes and fill your gutters partially with water.

Close and lock all of your doors and windows.

Leave your front gate open.

Tell somebody that you are leaving, and where you are leaving to.

Late evacuation- my car is about to be hit by fire

If you evacuate late there is a chance you may find that you are unable to drive safely due to smoke or flames. It is considered extremely dangerous to shelter in a car, however you can do the following to increase your chances of survival:

Do not park on a road. Emergency service workers do not need to be dealing with car crashes as well as the fires.

Park your car away from dense bushland, preferably in a clear area. If you can find a rock wall to buffer some of the radiant heat even better. Face your car towards the oncoming fire.

Stay in the car, close all windows and doors. Shut all vents and turn off your engine.

Cover yourself with the wool blankets from your evacuation kit. sit or lie down below window level. Drink water.

Once the fire has passed, get out of the car and move to burnt ground.

If you choose to stay

The best way to prepare to stay for a bushfire is to have an action plan that you have both written down and practiced with your household. During a bushfire there is a high likelihood of service disruption both during and after a fire, so do not expect for there to be phone service, internet access, electricity, or water. You should expect:

Embers and spot fires which will move ahead of the main fire. Embers can also land for hours after a fire has passed. Embers are the number one cause of house fires when there is a bushfire.

Darkness. You will never truly understand how dark it can get in a bushfire until you are in it. It's darker than midnight.

Smoke will also make the air difficult to breathe. Invest in good face masks.

Local roads can be blocked from fallen trees or power lines, burnt out cars, dead animals, or emergency service vehicles.

Radiant heat. This is the biggest killer of bushfires. There is very little way around this. Long term radiant heat exposure will kill you long before the main bushfire gets to you. You can block radiant heat with solid walls (such as brick or concrete). Stay away from windows.

Your weapons in the fight against fire

You will need at a bare minimum 10,000 litres (2200 gallons) of water to defend your home. Have a petrol/diesel pump ready to use close by your water source.

In Australia you can find specialty firefighting hoses. Check your local availabilities, but you can still use a gardening hose in a pinch (be aware that plastic will melt once it gets too hot, get ones with metal fittings). Any hose you use should be able to reach all the way around your house.

Sprinklers. Ensure any plastic hoses connected to them are buried so they don't melt.

Buckets. And mops. Yes, you can whack an ember to death.

Metal rakes and shovels which will help break up burning materials.

Metal ladders so you can reach your roof.

Defending your home

If you are planning on staying to defend your home there needs to be at lease two fit adults. They both need to be physically and mentally willing to work for several hours in difficult and distressing conditions.

Everyone who stays also needs to be aware that there is a chance of dying. Survival is not guaranteed if you stay to protect your home.

Make sure you are all wearing appropriate clothing. Put on your bushfire fit. Wear eye protection and face masks to block out smoke. As funny as the picture of the bloke in his shirt and thongs standing on his roof with a hose is, it is a monumentally dangerous move.

Turn off your gas supply, air conditioners, and close all of your windows and doors facing outside.

Block your downpipes and fill your gutters with water, put wet wool blankets (or cotton towels) inside of windows and as door stops.

Check that pets are safely contained, and your car is ready to go in case of a late evacuation.

When embers appear, turn on your sprinklers.

You will need to patrol for embers, and put out any spot fires which occur. As embers float through the air, you will also need to check your roof as your home can easily be set alight from roof embers.

You will be patrolling for embers for several hours, as they can show up before, during, and after the fire front has passed.

Keep hydrated, even if you don't feel like drinking.

As the fire front approaches

You will begin to feel the radiant heat. Remember- you will need to protect yourself from this. Once the heat outside is unbearable you must retreat indoors or you will die.

Hose down any decks and/or garden beds connected to your house.

Collect your fire fighting equipment and bring them indoors. Anything plastic will melt. There are specialty fittings that will let you attach your fire fighting gear to washing machine taps to make it easier to fight fires inside your house.

Stay hydrated. Drink water, and splash your face with water to cool down.

If you are caught in your home during a bushfire

You will still need to patrol inside your home to check for embers starting fire. This includes going into your roof space, as embers enter most easily through the roof.

Make sure the room/s you are sheltering in have two exits- one to another room and one to outside your house. Keep all of the doors inside your house open.

Do not shelter in a room with frosted windows as you want to see what is going on outside.

If your house catches fire and it can't be put out

Close the door to any room that is on fire. Move away from the area/s on fire, keep low to avoid breathing in smoke. Close all doors behind you so you know not to turn back.

As soon as the main fire has passed your house get out! Please do not stay in your on fire house. Instead move to burnt ground.

Drink some water. The last thing you need is to be dehydrated.

Once the fire front has passed

Use your own judgement on whether the outside radiant heat is bearable. Remember, solid walls protect you from radiant heat, so it may be hotter outside your house. Once you can go outside, you are back on outdoor ember patrol.

Do not take your bushfire fit off. Yes, even if it is warm. You don't want bare skin in bushfire conditions.

Put out any fires that have started near or on your house.

Hose down the outside of your house, all of it including the roof and under the floorboards.

Call your friends and family. Let them know you are alive, and that the front has passed you.

Drink water. Do not die of dehydration or heat stroke now.

You will need to stay vigilant for several hours after the front has passed- embers can still start fires.

Places to shelter

If you are caught in the open with no options available to you, you can use these as a last resort shelter:

A stationary car in a clear area such as a bare field.

A ploughed paddock, field or park.

A body of water such as a river or dam.

Thats all I can think of right now. If anybody has any more information to add before this years fire season starts feel free.

#bushfires #wildfires #straya #australia #psa #I got this info for a class im teaching which is fun #oh fun fact: different Aussie state fire services have different opinions on whether or not to hose down your house #a story: ive always been scared of bushfires #when I was a toddler my parents were thinking of moving to the country but apparently I threw a massive fit #thinking we were going to die in a bushfire #they decided that I had a decent point so they didnt #anyway every property they looked at burnt down on black saturday so theres that

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shinsukeee · 9 months

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𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝

"𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞? 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐝𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧."

𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬: 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

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In the far-off, distant past, there was once a coiling collar.

At the age of 6, Prim was raised to believe one thing. If she were to make her parents proud and happy, then it means she's a good child.

“I want people, I want people,” it cried, this cursed collar.

And so she did. She met every expectations whether small or big, she earned medals at a young age and even had her certificates displayed on the wall.

Don’t get angry.

"I'm sorry..." Prim softly choked on her sobs as she is kneeling down, clutching onto her father's pants.

Don’t abandon me.

"I won't do it again, I promise!" She begged and cried. All because she made a mistake, she hates it when people yell at her. Why is her father looking at her coldly? Is he leaving her?

Don’t go anywhere.

She was alone in the room, crying. Why did he leave? Didn't she promise to be a good girl? Why? What did she do wrong? She thought she was making him happy!

(Hey.)

As Prim gets older, she kept hearing the same thing from her parents. 'It doesn't matter to us if you're an achiever or not, we just want you to have better grades, but it's better if you are an achiever.'

It strangles me tightly, til I could throw up, whenever no one's, no one's around.

She didn't know when it happened, but she started fulfilling their expectations. She studied hard, getting recognized by teachers and even scoring high marks.

Nice grades, huh?

Prim is holding her report card, the average is high and her conduct is highly satisfactory...yet it feels so...empty to her.

Hey, hey, aren’t I a good kid?

Everytime her mother is viewing her card, she is praising her child for maintaining the high grades. But she nitpicks when her grade in a certain subject is lower than the previous semesters and quarters, causing Prim to feel more pressure.

Aren’t I a cute kid?

Soon, it even turned to appearances. Ever since her father had passed away, she gained weight. She wasn't really all this 'fat' or 'chubby', she's fit.

Hey, hey,

Yet their insults never stopped, it was suffocating to the point she wanted to carve a knife to her skin until she cuts out the imperfect parts of her. Until she began to slowly lose weight, exercising and starting diets even if she has a medical condition that doesn't allow her to eat less.

I’m good, right?

She hated seeing her face, her reflection and body since she gained weight. But as she slowly lost the heavy weight, the fat and chubby cheeks...she could finally be confident in herself, to finally look at a mirror without breaking it.

It hurts, hey...

But why does she sometimes feel like she needs to change some parts of her?

Love me.

She seeks validation, whether through academics or just compliments about her body and face.

Love me.

She even decided to have curtain bangs, to cut her waist-length hair and turn it to a wolfcut.

Love me.

She learned how to use makeup, to make herself look more pretty and hide her ugly parts.

more and more.

"Your eyeliner is amazing!" A girl from Prim's class commented when Prim entered the room. Prim puts on her usual smile for formalities and façades, someone noticed? It felt nice. "Thank you." She softly replies.

Love me.

"If you all need complete notes, you should all talk to Prim." A teacher says during a review session, Prim's eyes widened as she didn't expect anyone to acknowledge her notes. It's pretty, clear and those aesthetic notes you see in pinterest.

Love me.

They were having an activity where a paper with a student's name gets passed around in a circle and everyone writes what the think or see of that person, once Prim read hers, she received many compliments.

So much that it's maddening

Prim gets praised by her teachers that whenever she enters the faculty room, her teachers smile when seeing her.

It's painful

Prim slowly finds herself piled up in duties that were way worse than before, causing her to feel overwhelmed and pressured.

It hurts

She wants to cry, to scream, to be angry. She's human too, why can't they see that? She's not always the Perfect and Smiling President.

Break, break this binding spell, okay?

"Is this what my life would be like?!" She cries to her best friend who remains quiet, gazing at her with pity. She was always known to be perfect, to be able to handle pressure and always come out on top. Yet her closest friends see the truth, how broken and how much pain she endures.

It can't be stopped...

Yet she can't stop this, this responsibility, this pain and this pressure. She was never supposed to be involved in design team for competitions anyway, why did they have to include her in the design team? Once she sent the design, there were no objections. Yet when it was finally discussed upon, those bitches had to fucking ruin it and act arrogantly because someone older was backing them up.

"I'm fucking older than them, I'm the President. I don't use any of these as a way to get things my way, so why the fuck can't they understand and comply when their own ideas are fucking garbage?! I fucking tolerated everything, every fucking headache and stress they give me and this j what I get in return for being so nice, for not being a bitch?!"

Prim throws her bag, destroying everything she sees. Screaming and punching and even kicking things. Destroying graded projects and papers and even attempting to hurt herself. Scratching her body, pulling her hair or hitting her head.

Yet her mother never comforted her, only telling her to stop crying, it's annoying. And it triggered Prim.

No matter how big your body, your body grows, this collar remains small.

Prim continues onto living, putting her dark humor as for 'jokes' when she's thought about offing herself. The fucking adult in the room can't even act like one, yet gives the eldest the fucking responsibility of one. It disappoints and disgusts Prim.

It's agonizing now, but this is nothing new.

She grits her teeth underneath the face mask she wears as she fakes a smile, luckily the face mask hides it. It hides the hatred Prim bears for everyone she despises.

People just, people just—they're not enough.

Prim slowly loses herself in all this pain. If it's not academics she struggles with, it's life.

I vow not to lose to anyone in my class, aren't I a lovely child?

Prim's heart aches and sinks to her stomach each time she reaches the achiever's list, she's happy but only for a short while. Of course, if she tells her mother, that woman would be proud. Yet Prim has to bear the weight of expectations and responsibility again.

(right?)

She can't even play her video games as much as she wants, she can't even laze around for a bit when it's the weekend as much as she wants.

Way more than that child and more than that child. Everyone, marvel at me!

Prim climbs on stage, receives her certificate and smiles brightly before bowing and leaving the stage. Finally, all her hard work and breakdowns made it to where she is now. Is it all worth it?

Behind the gymnasium when I told you that I was in love

"I like you for a really long time now. I know you'd figure that one out easily since you pick up hints that fast." A girl confesses to Prim, she was taken aback of course. Under all that much insecurities and issues she has, someone actually likes her? Or is it just because of how they view her?

Wasn't that kind of a lie?

"Ah, I see..." Prim replies before noticing the girl's nervous expression, she's sensitive to people's emotions. She's scared that if she makes the wrong move, people will hate her and it's all her fault. "How about I think about my answer to you before replying? I...wanna make sure if I feel the same way." She replies, it gives the girl hope. The weight in Prim's chest feels a little light.

I love you so, so very much

Prim accepted the confession, made the relationship work even in long distance. Yet as time passes, that girl seems to change. Be moody, start a fight and not even hear Prim out, even calling out Prim's issue and struggle of being too sensitive to other people's emotions. "You would atleast understand what I'm feeling!" It echoed to Prim's head, she wants to tear that girl apart and rip her to shreds.

Even though I think you are trash.

That girl never went through the abuse and trauma Prim had to undergo, they were never kicked out of the house when they were sick, they never had to experience in facing expectations of everyone or having to change their own body for someone else's sake! Or needing to discard their own pain and feelings because their significant other or family is in pain and need comfort! Or having to fear mirrors because she dislikes the way she looks! Or having to bargain God to atleast change places with her dead father!

Love me.

Now the girl is ghosting Prim. During that time, Prim slowly learned things herself, is this what she really wants in a relationship? To be this hurt and misunderstood just like her mother does? To hate arguments because it reminds her of her mother's fights?

Love me. Love me.

She slowly realized she was losing feelings during the 4 days the girl ghosted her—No, this isn't right! She's supposed to keep her promise! She swore to never be like her father who can't keep a single promise! Why us that girl so cold? Why is the spark gone?! Are they not interested anymore?! Do they not love her anymore?! But Prim loves them! Whether they were being an asshole or a dick, they still accepted the insults and called 'dramatic' for writing Prim's own issues in writing as a coping mechanism.

I'll give you everything.

Everyone knows how devoted and loyal Prim is when she falls in love. Even if there were pretty and handsome people in her school, in her class, she only had eyes for her lover. Wasn't that loyalty enough?! Being excited to talk to her lover after school, to be able to talk to them again...

I'll have you.

And that person broke it off in Halloween, just when Prim had made a gift. Prim felt her world shatter, she didn't know what came of her when she suddenly burned the gift just to feel something. She already lost her own identity, emotions and personality because of everything. She can't feel, what's going on? After all the nights she spent awake trying to understand why this gurl was just so important to her, finally accepting that she is bi...just to be replaced by someone near that girl? A boy?

I'll have you.

She hid the pain from her family, heartbreak is normal after all. People only confess to her because she was the fat pitiful girl, she was used to it. But why does this hurt so much?

I'll have you shoulder everything for me.

She can't cry, she has duties to fulfill. She pushes that pain down and focuses on completing her project and duties as the girl people see her as. Usually, being the President could mean that you are the 'head' or leader of the class when the teacher isn't around, it feels like a dream isn't it? But for Prim? Being the President means needing to do things a Secretary or Monitor should do, needing to keep everyone in check or having to announce events going on in class. Yet the 'popular' girls think they're high and mighty and don't respect Prim, even though Prim wants to hurt them—she never does. She's surprised her patience last that long. Her own adviser is a useless adult as it doesn't even really act like one, giving Prim all the responsibility alone and it makes Prim sick.

It's not enough.

Her eyes lost their shine, she doesn't feel like her body is her own anymore. She doesn't even feel anything, she feels so numb.

You're not enough.

Everytime her mother tries to act affectionate after fighting with her, it makes Prim so sick. She knows she has mommy issues, yet her mom makes everything worse to the point she even questions her own life.

I won't let you go.

She doesn't know what went through her mother's mind, telling her details before, during and after Prim was born. Her father was never present during the time of her mother's pregnancy, he was staying at another girl's house and they broke it off when her mother found out. Yet, they got together when Prim was born. Their anniversary is Prim's birthday, causing her to dislike it.

Please forgive me.

She hates herself even more, disliking her own date of birth. Prim slowly underwent an identity crisis, she has thoughts she wishes to escape that even no internet or music can't help her escape it. She hates her own being, feeling betrayed and offended by the act that her parents had to keep. Pretending to be a 'happy' family, making her think abuse is normal when it isn't. She hates it.

Love me.

Prim doesn't understand why her life became like this.

Love me.

She's been sexually abused since childhood even up till now, no matter what her body looked like.

Love me.

Prim wants to fall in love, to trust someone again after that horrible relationship but...is it really worth it?

More and more.

A lady matures faster than a man is what her mother would say, yet it irritates Prim that her mother never let her experience a proper childhood without all the trauma and abuse or needing to be a perfect golden for validation.

Love me.

When Prim wants to wear what she wants, her mother acts dramatic about it. When Prim wants to put on makeup to make herself look pretty, her brothers act as if it's the end of the world and Prim hates it.

Love me.

Whenever Prim complains, her mother goes "It doesn't matter, you're an honor student now." It makes Prim wonder if that's what's really important to her mom.

So much that it's maddening.

Is her life even worth it just to be a trophy daughter? Is this what she'll grow up to? Pleasing people, putting on façades and always needing to put her pain away because her feelings aren't validated?

It hurts.

She can't breathe.

I won't let go.

Prim gasps for air as she sits up and tries to count to 10 as she takes deep breath.

It hurts.

Prim grips her hair. She's never had an anxiety attack before, she doesn't know what to do. She grabs her phone and tries to breathe. "Hello?" "Mom, come here please." She drops the call and phone as she cries, why can't she breathe?

More, more and hey.

Prim works hard everyday, to make people happy, keep her grades up and to make sure her body maintains it's healthy shape so she won't be rushed to the hospital anymore. She spent her childhood in a hospital and it was torture. White plains walls, machines and tubes around you, oxygen tanks, needles and you feel like wanting to die. Prim's used to the needles poking her skin, she has high pain tolerance after all. Puking acid, that horrible smell of soap they mop the floor with and the food.

This is happiness.

#genshin impact sagau #genshin self aware au #closed walls #you will be found

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reynanghugot · 11 months

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[2:35PM]

Around 9:30AM ako umalis ng bahay para di ako abutan ng lunch break sa hospital. After ko makuha yung mga medical records ko, nag punta ako sa surgeon ko para papirmahan sana yung medical certificate ko and makakuha ng fit to work apparently naka leave siya and Friday pa ang balik and di din ma sure sakin nung secretary niya if bibigyan ako ni Doc dahil di pa din ako okay di lang halata. Anw, ayun lang nakakapagod yung init. Nakakahilo siya to be honest. Pahinga lang ng konti tapos grind na uli sa acads. Good afternoon!

#Rants

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path4animals · 4 months

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The Partnership Between Trainer & Client

When people contact me looking for help with their animals, they're not always aware of how private training works. They have this fantastical notion that I will come in, reprogram their dog in one hour, leave, and everything will be all better.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

But it has nothing to do with how good of a trainer or behaviorist I am -- or anyone else is, for that matter. It has everything to do with valuing the extraordinary intelligence of animals, their need for constant education, enrichment, activity, and bonding with the world around them. It has been far too many decades that we, as a society, have allowed an incorrect, pervasive approach to dominate our treatment of animals and pets.

Let's start with the word dominance. Studies have disproven the notion that our canine companions are out to be the leader, and the scientist who published the study to give us that impression recanted his findings. This came from observation of 8 wolves. Not wild wolves, not a family of wolves, not dogs, and not wild dogs. These wolves were all male, held in captivity, and this is how they sorted out that stressful living situation. It does not apply to dogs, who have been selectively bred for millennia to please humans. A different pack of wolves may have established a different set of rules. It would be inhumane to find out.

In reality, dogs have varying degrees of priorities just like people do. Some dogs are super excited to go on their walk and charge through the front door, some dogs love to snuggle and jump on all the furniture that has their humans' scent on it, some dogs adore mealtime and get pushy. These are natural responses to a dog in drive. They in no way indicate the dog is being alpha, dominant, or otherwise trying to upset the applecart. Even dogs who resource guard their food bowl by freezing, snarling, or even biting aren't being alpha. Resource guarding is a genetic survival mechanism leftover from wolves. This is why some dogs, who have been neglected and are now emaciated, can never develop resource guarding; while other dogs, who have been provided for their whole lives, do develop resource guarding.

So where does training come in? Trainers are there to teach the dog certain cues to help them fit into human society. These cues can be patterned to be considered "good manners," or used as-needed for certain situations. Behavior specialists can take it one notch further, and begin to help address issues such as reactivity, separation anxiety, hyperactivity, etc. They are NOT behaviorists and should not be addressing the more serious behaviors. Behavior consultants have been assessed by an organizing entity, so likely have considerably more training than a specialist (though not always, as animal training is not a regulated professional field in the US and such certifications are not legally required). Behaviorists are rare, and include people like me who have gotten graduate degrees specifically in animal behavior, like animal psychologists/life coaches/counselors/therapists. Veterinary behaviorists are more like the psychiatrists of the animal behavior world, they are the only ones who can prescribe medication (as can a general practice veterinarian). I have worked in conjunction with veterinary behaviorists on several occasions.

So what is the owner's responsibility in all this? It really comes down to 3 things:

The owner needs to make sure that the trainer they're working with, or whatever level behaviorist, follows a humane hierarchy, and focuses on 2 of the 4 quadrants of learning: positive reinforcement and negative punishment. Think of positive like add and negative like subtract, rather than good or bad. Reinforcement means encourage a behavior to continue and punishment means stop a behavior from continuing. In short, work with someone who puts a GREAT emphasis on positive reinforcement, adding a reward to encourage the correct behavior to continue. What goes along with that process is removing something so the dog stops doing what you don't want anymore, negative punishment. You never want to see a trainer add something to make the dog stop a behavior, such as a physical or verbal correction in the form of positive punishment; you also don't want to see a trainer primarily remove something to get a dog to continue a behavior, such as the stim from an e-collar in the form of negative reinforcement. The flow of learning energy should be toward something good, not the removal of something unpleasant.

The owner should put these methods into practice as part of the everyday routine. Just like us, if we stop practicing something, we get rusty -- so do our animals. Dogs live with us, witness our daily lives and are involved with them to varying degrees. Holding them accountable means we must do the same for ourselves. If we only have guests over once a week and that's the only time we practice sit-to-greet, the dog will forget and will need a little help. If one person is feeding the dog under the table, the dog will beg at mealtime. Consistency is essential, but it is actually very easy to work into our daily lives if we just look at things a little bit differently and take a few extra minutes to include our dogs in the process.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "A tired dog is a good dog"? Well, there's a big misconception due to a popular TV show that "tired" refers primarily to physically tired, including walking extensively, using a backpack, or doing other highly draining cardio workouts. While all dogs do need some degree of this, the danger is that we actually train them to become super athletes! A tired dog that is a good dog is mentally fulfilled and drained. Brain Drain is the name of the game. Don't feed your dog out of a boring bowl, use a puzzle, or a slow feed bowl, or even better -- ditch the bowl entirely and use your dog's meals to train them! It goes by so fast, usually just 5 minutes, but makes a HUGE improvement in behavior and relationship for dog and owner. In addition, the best walk for a dog is the one where they get to use their nose. Dogs have something like 400x the receptors that humans do, they can literally diagnose with their nose. If you want a mentally enriching activity, you need look no further than your local park. Critter trails made new daily, squirrel holes, bunny hides, bird nests, this is Disneyland for your dog.

If you'd like to discuss your dog's routine, please feel free to email me to setup a virtual consultation. Mention this post and get 50% off.

#dog trainer #dog training #path4animals

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echantedtoon · 6 months

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Demon Bride Ch12 In Wait Of A Doctor

It had now been almost five days since you last ended up in this strange place. Every time you woke up after sleeping, you were still expecting to wake up back in your old home on top of your sorry excuse for a futon and be still in poverty and deep debt having the threat of Sanemi down your back. Or you were expecting to wake up on the side of the roads traveling on your way around the mountains to whatever life laid ahead of you. But no. Neither of those two scenarios happened. You were usually woken up by Eri with a smile and something in her hands for breakfast, then it'd be the same. You'd just sit there on the chair in the mostly empty room, with your leg dunked in the cold well water to cease any swelling that was there, which was mostly gone by now, with Eri for company who'd talk to you, fetch you food, or replace the water whenever it got too warm. You barely felt your leg at this point, and sitting still without moving for days on end was starting to give you cabin fever. But you couldn't move. ...It was funny however.

Your ankle didn't hurt nearly as much as it did a few days ago.

It still hurt and there was throbs of pain if you hit your leg or accidentally moved it too suddenly, so there was obviously still something wrong with it. But you'd have to wait at least another two days or so for this doctor to show up. Hopefully it wasn't anything serious and you'd be able to leave at the end of January when this whole thing was over with! But life moved on. Once and a while Eri would help you get to the women's bath and gift you another spare kimono to wear, and things were starting to look up a bit. You got your boots back! After inquiring about them, Eri left only to return with them later. You decided not question it and only took them with a thanks to her. Even if you couldn't wear them yet, you'd certainly be needing them when you leave. You did not see this 'Kaigaku' for the last three days however, and you asked Eri about it. She only shrugged and replied casually-

"He stayed for a day or two and left yesterday morning to continue on his duties. Count yourself lucky. From what I've heard, he wanted to take you somewhere and even I despite my lack of human medical knowledge, can tell you're not fit for travel. He seemed to have change his mind however after Lord Kyogai spoke to him."

"Really?" She nodded and you hummed. Kyogai calmed him down about that idea huh? Guess you'd have to thank him later for that. "How were the two of them anyways? Any injuries?"

She shook her head no much to your relief. "None at all. Lord Kaigaku had none and Lord Kyogai's fully healed by now. You shouldn't worry yourself about them. They're much stronger than the both of us combined, and they both have important jobs to take care of for our Master."

Your interest was peeked and you looked to her again. "Hey. What exactly do they do that's so important anyways?"

Eri paused in her movements, blinking all four of her eyes at you for a good moment seemingly confused at the question, before realization came over her and she perked up. "Oh! That's right. I forget you're not from here, so you'd have no idea what the lords would do at all." Duh! Glad she was on the same pace at least. "You might've already noticed, but Lord Kyogai's the Record Keeper!"

Your brow rose higher at the demon. "Record Keeper? What's that?"

"He's in charge of anything and everything going on that's important enough to write down or whatever the Master tells him to. He keeps records of everything and anything really now that I think about it," she mumbled scratching her head with one hand and raising a brow, "Business contracts, criminal records, new laws, and books on all kinds of information. But I think he mostly works with certificates. You know. Like life and death, and marriage and all that." She shrugged. "That's why he's usually in one of his studies. He has lots to keep track of."

Wow. That sounded like a stressful job. Is that why you hadn't seen him for a few days? Was he that busy? You hadn't considered he had this big of a role, but then again you were just a stranger here. Just a bystander that wouldn't be here for much longer because after you were all healed you were leaving and never coming back.

"Then what does Kaigaku do?"

"He patrols the Eastern Borders of the forest. His job is to keep anyone from crossing one way or another unless they're an offering or if the Master says otherwise. He's also in charge of breaking up any unnecessary fights that go on during this time."

"Well it doesn't seem like that matters when things like this still happen," you deadpanned gesturing to your leg.

"Oh no. You've got it all wrong! Before the Master assigned people to break up fights there used to be many more deaths, and many more hostile marriages. It affected our kind's population negatively for years. Now that the Master's set down stricter laws, it's spared a lot more lives. Although things are far from perfect. I'm afraid old habits die hard."

"Are the men of your world that desperate to get married?"

"Actually, being married brings you higher respect?"

You blanked. Looking at her like she suddenly sprouted a third pair of arms. ".....What!?"

Eri nodded. "It's complicated for humans to understand because your customs are different from ours. Believe it or not, it's actually very difficult to get married for a man unless your family arranges it for you or a woman accepts your courtships. Like I did with my fiancé!" She said proudly with a smile. "That's also the reason for why many of the males become desperate enough to resort to kidnapping and where people like Lord Akaza comes in."

"How does that equal up to 'respect'?"

"Well it does in a lot of ways. If you're married, that not only shows you're competent enough to be trusted in a relationship, but it also means you'll be trusted enough to be let in the woman's family, affairs, any wealth or status she may have, and you're family will see you as more responsible as well as able since you'd be able to successfully continue on the family line. Of course, there's always the possibility the woman will reject you but that's a risk many take."...Eri hummed. "Now that I think about it...The only Lord that I've ever known to be married was Lord Hantengu since he has five sons."

"I-....Well I guess that makes sense. But then how does that explain what happened to me?"

"Well you are a human bride-"

"NO! I was NOT!!" Eri blinked and leaned away at your sudden outburst and scowl, which made yourself pause and clear your throat. "*ahem* I mean-...I wasn't ever a sacrificial bride. I just..got lost on my way up the mountain at the wrong time. Simple as that."

Eri continued to stare at you for a long moment before raising a brow and humming like she didn't believe you. "Uh huh...Well in any case. Human brides are seen as an arranged marriage of sorts." She explained making you blink at her again.

"They're what?"

"They're a form of arranged marriage, that's why they're an exception to the rules,'' she explained further holding up a finger, "You see back then it was arranged that human brides would be gifted to demon men by their families in exchange for land, the right to live on our land, and the rights that come with it, so they're considered arranged marriages. But the problem is that they were never arranged with any specific man so they were open for anyone to accept the arrangement. They're the one exception to the Master's laws since...Again." She shrugged. "The humans never made any agreements for who they would marry so it was all up in the air. Now a days it's a bit of a taboo topic really. Human wives are seen as more of a luxury for the nobility and wealthier families because of the special abilities the family can carry on in later generations."

"Like..what?"

"Demons with at least one human ancestor has benefits from both parents, but most don't prefer it. Humans aren't exactly the most understanding."....You rose a brow deadpanned at her. "Oh. But not you. You're different!" She smiled. "And I must say for my first time meeting a human, you're very nice!"

"Thank you?...I think."

"Your welcome!," she cheerfully exclaimed before motioning to the bucket your leg had been stuck in for the last few days, "Now if you would please hold still. I need to replace the water."

Day six of your rather small stay came around and it was still the same song and dance as the last few days had brought although you did get one small surprise. You were just sitting there, Eri had come in with the usual cold bucket of water in one pair of arms and with the other pair helped to hoist you up into the same chair and carefully your leg was placed back into the cold water where you knew it would go numb and lose feeling after a little while.

"How are you feeling today?," Eri asked you as she leaned up from the bucket with a smile, "Any pain or discomfort?"

"Other than my leg being really cold?" You shook your head. "No. Not really..Come to think of it." You rose a brow giving your leg a curious look. "It's not hurting a lot anymore. It still stings and it hurts if I bump it, but it doesn't feel as painful as it did a few days ago."

"That's wonderful!," she cheered with a clap of her hands, "That must mean the medical tea is working! It seems your ankle's not swollen anymore either. Which is good but we should keep up the routine since it seems to be affective so far." Eri nodded to herself. "Yes, it'd be best since I don't know anything else that could help."

You nodded. That'd probably be best, as annoying as the cold was, since you didn't really know much medical practice either. The bitter medical tea they've been making you drink with your meals was prescribed by this mysterious 'Doctor' and it tasted like sour salt, but they insisted that you down it when they gave it to you because it was supposedly supposed to help relieve any pain you may have had....Huh. Maybe that was why you hadn't been feeling much pain in your leg lately? Speaking of food, you were hungry having just woken up today. Maybe you should ask Eri to grab you something from the kitchen? As if the world was reading your mind, a small knock came from the sliding door making both you and Eri turn your heads to it. Before either of you had a chance to say anything like 'Who is it?' or 'Come in!', the door went ahead and slid open and on the other side stood someone with purple skin and cinnamon brown hair. The newcomer smiled at the both of you with a tray of food in her hands.

"Good morning to you! I got you some food to keep up your strength!"

You instantly smiled. "Nagi!"

The other lady demon you had met before smiled at you both from the sliding doorway before she stepped in and you had the scent of fried vegetables hit your nose from what food she brought you. ...Although you still don't know how she was able to see without any eyes. She stopped just beside you both, although you didn't notice the large-ish square thing under one of her arms.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was assigned to bring you some food, but I cannot stay for long. I have other duties to attend to." She then held out the tray to you, to which you took from her. "But I have heard from Eri you are doing well. I'm glad your recovery is going along so graciously." You stared at the small tray in your hands. A simple dish of fried vegetables, and of course more of that bitter tea. Yuck! A simple dish but you were grateful for it all the same. She then turned to Eri and produced something that looked like a darkly tinted bottle from her dress sleeves. "Also the yearly supply just arrived from the Master. Here's your bottle of hu-"

"SHUSH!!!"

A small slap sound was heard. You jumped. Dropping the tray in your startle. Thankfully it didn't fall on the floor, and instead hit your lap, although some of the bitter tea spilt from the cup and over the vegetables and tray making a small but contained mess. Your head turned to where the sounds came from and paused seeing a strange sight. Both women were staring at you (or the closest thing Nagi had to 'staring' without having any eyes, her head was facing your way), and Eri looked like she had been caught in the middle of doing something she shouldn't, and one of her many hands was slapped right over Nagi's mouth.

Silence.

Awkward silence.

....Eri slowly retracted her hand from Nagi's mouth before snapping a scowl at the poor woman who looked as confused as you did. "Thank you, Nagi." Eri's tone made you blink more. It came out in a forced hiss to match her frown, and a hand of hers snatched up the small bottle from Nagi's rather bluntly. "I really needed this medicine." Her voice hiss that last bit harder, as if to emphasize it to Nagi. "This medicine was missing from my kit. Thank you for delivering it to me." You didn't see it as she was facing away from you, but her top pairs of eyes motioned in your direction as you still stared at them.

"....Oh...OH!" A flash of realization came over Nagi. "O-Oh! Yes! Y-You're medicine! That you wanted. Of course." She cleared her throat as your brow rose. "*ahem* Anyways-....I'm glad that's been solved."

Your eyes turned to Eri who fumbled with the small bottle until it disappeared within the folds of her kimono rather quickly. ...What was that all about? Some kind of secret medicine of demons you weren't supposed to know about? Nagi must've noticed the way your f/c eyes stared at Eri because she coughed catching your attention back onto herself.

"Well I must be going, but before I do I brought a gift that might interest Miss Y/n!" A gift? What gift? Nagi reached over to her arm and you just now noticed the square object she had. What was that? The object was maneuvered into her hands and held up by her hands to reveal it to be a....Book? "I found this wedged under a shelf while cleaning one of the studies. I thought maybe you would like to read it during your stay here. It is must be stuffy sitting in the same place all the time."

You stared at it. Oh! A Book! You'd seen these before in the small library your village had (or the closest thing to one your small community had), but they had always been small and didn't have very many pages. Mostly because paper was costly where you lived. This one however was quite large and it looked about as thick as a standard brick with many pages visible to the eye all snuggly fitted in the middle of a bark black cover. You'd never seen one like this before.

Eri rose a brow also seeming surprised by what Nagi produced. "Isn't that one of Lord Kyogai's notebooks?"

"That's what I thought at first, but when I flipped through it there wasn't any notes or anything important. It seems to be a story book. When I asked around, no one claimed it so I thought maybe Miss Y/n could find some entertainment in it."

"Story book?"

She nodded and held it out to you. "I have no need for such things." Wait...How was she able to read it without any eyes?? "But I heard humans like to read these!"

"...I..Haven't read many of them before." You slowly reached over and took it from Nagi, the black leather cover feeling cool and smooth in your hands, the book about as heavy as a typical chicken...You smiled. "But it seems like a good way to pass the time until something more important happens." You looked back to her. "Thank you so much!"

She nodded her head, but turned. "I'd hate to cut this reunion short, but I must get back to work lest I get in trouble with my Lord."

"I understand. Again thank you for both the food, and the entertainment."

Nagi left soon after and you were left with the book. Out of pure curiosity, you opened the cover to the first page with Eri looking over your shoulder probably wondering what this was all about as well..You debated asking her about the mysterious bottle Nagi handed her, but decided against it. It wasn't any of your business, and you'd be leaving soon anyways so even if you did know, it wouldn't matter in the long run. So why bring it up? The first page had some big and bold letters on the top, maybe the name of the story?

"'Tale of Fate?''', you said questioning. Huh. You never heard anything like this before. Must be a story from outside your village-

"You can read that?"

Eri's voice so close to you made you jump and turn to Eri to blink. "Um...Yes? Can't you?" It was printed pretty big and as clear as day.

She shook her head no. "I can speak human language, but I don't understand your written language. Not every one of my kind can."

Huh. Well that explained a bit. "I see...Would you like me to read it to you?"

All four of her eyes widened to the size of plates gawking at you. "Really!? You would do that!?"

"I mean..Sure. I don't see why not. It'd be the least I could do after all you've done for me- ACK!!"

A strong, excited shake to your shoulder almost made you fall off the chair and toss the food tray from your lap. "Yes! I'd love that! Wow! I've never known someone who's gotten literature translated to them before. My family is going to be so jealous when they find out!"

Despite the awkward start to the day, you couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm finding it amusing. "Alright. Alright. Just calm down before you squeeze my arm off. Should I begin now?"

"Yes please!"

Eri's antics reminded you faintly of a child excited to be told a story. "Alright. Just give me a moment to." F/c eyes switched from the excited demon by your side to the beginning of the page right under the bold, bigger letters. And read across the first few sentences.

Down in the world unknown there laid a kingdom drab and dark. Where darkness and shadows collided and lived in fear and power. One would be mad to even think about stepping in a place like this. Where the dead are gone but still there, the shadows played and roamed and full of terror. A frightful place brace heros dare not venture unless they wish to meet a tragic fate. Yes. This one place was alone ruled by a power hungry spirit, spited by his love in life and now seeks vengeance on any mortal who dared be foolish enough to be beckoned into his awaiting claws.

The creature of vengeance was known as one of promises and dealings. Whether If one were to want something most dear to their heart and was determined and pure, or if their heart was filled with greed, envy, and lust he would grant your reply if you were brave or stupid enough to find him. It was when one day a child from a nearby village heard of this rumor that they were excited to find out if it was true or not. Against their parents and everyone else's wishes and warnings, the small child had snuck out to venture into the forbidden dark woods. The brambles scraped and left cuts on their body, the creatures chased after and threatened to eat them if they didn't turn back now, for darker and more sinister things slept in these woods, but bravely the child went on. On and on on their journey to really see this sinister ghost who granted wishes and promises that the mortal eye would repulse to believe. Until the sinister avenger had been found and the massive shadow beckoned the child closer with a boney rigged hand.

"You have traveled far and withstood the tests my forces forwarded. For that you have earned the right to one miracle granted to you. But a warning you have also earned. Be warned, with a pure and honest heart comes great rewards. With a heart who bleeds nothing but black with greed and jealousy, a foul end you shall meet. Think about the consequences greatly, for the repercussions shall be swift and tight. Think well, dear child."

The small child dared to smile at the creature and simply reply, "I have no need for any treasures or anything of preciousness near me. I solely only wished for to see myself if the avenger of shadows was a true sight. And now that I have seen you for what a true being you are, I will simply be leaving satisfied my wish was fulfilled."

The answer of the child amused the ancient spirit and he chuckled his hollow laugh at the very notion of it all.

"Wise answer to an otherwise difficult mortal choice. For that you shall still be granted a prize for your efforts. Name one and answer wisely."

The small child as said had no need for such items like treasure and fortune, but they knew that the child's hard working mother were in need of some fortune in her life. So with a kind heart, the child looked to the spirit and asked for their miracle. "My mother works oh so hard to take care of me. It would be so nice for her to have just a little more luck on her side. Oh spirit, let me repay her for all her kindness she has shown me."

"Your wish shall be granted. A selfless act is always it's own reward, but be wary of those who wish to use those fortunes to their own will."

The child was permitted a safe leave back to their home and as promised their selfless act of kindness was granted by the spirit of shadows. The child and their mother mysteriously found an old box in their pantry one day that they had never known of before and upon opening it discovered many, many priceless jewels. The likes of which they had never seen before. With this new found fortune, the mother and child were able to gain a plentiful farm with all the necessities they needed to have a plentiful life. Farther down in the years the mother even remarried one of the strongest most handsome men in the small village. But this man was nothing but green with want, and treated the mother and her child terribly.

He was lazy, rude, and had a heart full of greed. Seeping of those who had better and helping him in life. But one fateful day everything changed. For one day he asked the child's mother a question.

"My dear wife. You know I love you dearly, but I must ask you. Where did you receive such wealth and fortune."

"Why, from a old wooden box in the pantry," she replied happily, "And inside the little wooden chest was gems and riches beyond our wildest dreams."

"Yes, yes! But where did it come from?"

"I know not how it got there or where it came from, but my child and I are oh so happy to have received such a delightful fortune. How we may live happily for a long while."

Her husband was displeased with such an answer and once again asked but this time to the child. The child happily told the man his venture into the woods and his encounter with the spirit of shadows, filling the man's heart with more greed. That very night when the family slept, the man snuck out and made his own way into the deep woods of shadows and fears. Brambles cut his clothing, he cursed those who dare chase him and snap at his hinds as he ran, but the greed and lust in his heart was strong. So strong he persisted his heart green with envy. Alas finally he arrived and looking as though some creature had mangled him with their claws. The spirit was beckoning him closer with a bony rigged hand and spoke.

"Oh one who's heart is sewn with greed and plight. You have sought me through danger and fright. Your actions of greed are inexcusable but like many before you have made it through the path of darkness. For that you have earned the right to one miracle, but also a warning. Be warned, with a pure and honest heart comes great rewards. With a heart who bleeds nothing but black with greed and jealousy, a foul end you shall meet. Think about the consequences greatly, for the repercussions shall be swift and tight. Oh one who comes to me with a black heart for his own wishes. I offer this to you so you may choose your wish wisely."

The man paid no attention to the wise words of the ghost nor did he think about any real consequences for his actions as he spoke what he oh so desired.

"Give me more riches than any man shall have!! Make my fortune one who will make me a fortunate man!! A bright castle and beautiful jewels is what I seek and most desire!!"

"A answer I foresaw and one your shall have for not heeding my warnings. Oh man of greed and selfishness, you shall indeed have your wish awaiting you home. But do not be surprised when your unfortunate fate you shall unevitably meet. Now be gone creature of greed. My domain is not fit for one of you."

The man left for his home and once his got there his had his miracle in the form of the purest black horse with a magnificent couch of ebony, inside the couch was boxes and jewels of every imagining. The man cared not for his wife or the young child that he had left behind, away in this marvelous new couch he received and off that horrid man went into the night with his shouts of greedy glee and pleasure as his family long forgotten. The mother and child awoken to no greedy man plaguing their lives and while the mother was quite saddened, she still had the child to watch after. As luck and fortune does benefit those with kind hearts, another man the mother sought and a kinder gentler man she got. With as much kindness to her and her child this man gave to combat the sorrows left behind by the other greed filled one. One day a message they did receive, about a much bigger estate of land and riches. The greedy man who had once left them behind without a second thought, was now no more as the spirits warnings he did not heed. As fate had decided he would be no more, a swift and tight end he did get. Leaving everything he valued behind of jewels and gold, to no man but a woman he did not care for. His wife and next of kin did receive, fame and fortune for kindness indeed. With kindness in their hearts the family did grow, and with it came all luck and fortune soon to glow.

For those with kind hearts and bright minds, often find themselves on the favorite end of fate's hands.

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space-mermaid-writing · 2 years

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Faded Black Ink [IronStrange] - Chapter 12

Relationship: Doctor!Stephen Strange x Mafia!Tony Stark

Tags: Mafia AU, Angst, Romance, Idiots in love

Ko-fi | Series Masterlist | Read it on AO3 | Previous | Next

Chapter's note: Hope you're all doing well!

Chapter 12: Facing death

Stephen entered the penthouse the Odinsons were currently living in. After their call, he had made a short detour home to get his doctor bag and to appear somewhat professional. He had been called because Odin had died. Stephen would be the doctor to confirm the death.

The mood was understandably somber. Loki didn't even acknowledge him when Stephen entered, his eyes remaining fixed on the table where he sat. His older brother's sadness was also evident, but as soon as he caught sight of the doctor, he put on a neutral mask and stood to greet him.

"Thank you for coming, doctor." His voice was strained, his former happy-go-lucky demeanor gone.

"My condolences to you and your brother." Stephen didn't linger on too many words. There was nothing he could offer the man. He could not take away his pain; it was part of death. Besides, he was an outsider. He had not known the dead man, had never spoken to him, and knew nothing of him except part of his medical history. Stephen was doing what he was here to do: his job.

Odin was still in the same room as when Stephen had last seen him. The machines had been turned off and silent. Someone had opened the window, as far as it was possible this high up here, and lit a candle on the small table beside the bed. Stephen recognized it as a ritual for the soul to find its way out well. Stephen did not wonder at this superstition – it seemed to fit in with this family.

Thor waited at the door while Stephen did his work, efficiently but respectful. His moves were practiced – in the hospital he often had to deal with death. As far as modern medicine had come, there wasn't a cure for everything.

Filling out the death certificate, he asked Thor a few questions about his father's condition of the last days. They were mere formalities, there was nothing to indicate that his death had a non-natural cause.

The father was to be cremated - that was the decision he had made when he had been conscious, and that was apparently the tradition of that family. The sons would return home with the urn, to take care of the future of the company that now fell into their hands.

Normally a cremation could take quite a while; in a city as large as New York, many people died every day. But Stephen had a contact at the crematorium, whom he called and arranged for Odin to be picked up that same evening. Money would not matter, as Thor had assured him.

"If you need anything else, call me," Stephen said before he left. He didn't know why he was doing this. As he had said before, he didn't really make house calls. These men were practically strangers, they didn't advance his career, and Stephen refused to get paid by them. He gained nothing from this.

All because of a stupid comment by the younger Odinson and Stephen's pride.

But somehow the doctor didn't mind. Maybe because he had learned to look behind the facade of powerful men. He saw two brothers, overseas and far from their home, grieving. He just felt that this was important. That it was the right thing to do.

Thor nodded and handed Stephen a business card. "I know you said you don't want money. But if you find yourself ever in need of something, we will be happy to help. A favor for a favor."

It was a simple card with only a name and personal phone number on it. Stephen tucked it in his doctor's bag before saying goodbye with a few words and leaving.

While Stephen waited for the valet to pull his car up, he glanced at his watch. It was early afternoon. This was not like he thought his day would go. He thought he would stay over at Stark's place. It wasn't too late, he could call Tony and see if he was still available.

But Stephen wasn't in the mood. Death tends to dampen it, even with no attachment to the patient. In medical school, doctors were taught how to deal with death. But that was all theory. Unfortunately, the reality was different.

He called Christine as he got into his car. Both hands on the wheel, he put her on speaker. "Hey, are you free later? I still owe you dinner."

There was a pause before she answered. "Isn't it your free day? You said you had plans."

"Well, they changed." Stephen kept his tone neutral, not revealing what the reason for the change was. He knew she would understand - Christine probably faced death much more often since she worked a lot in the ER. But Stephen didn’t want to talk about his day. He wanted to be distracted.

"I love being your second choice." There was no bite to her words. "See you at seven."

Stephen grinned. Christine was a good friend and he was glad to have her.

When he later met her outside the restaurant – a cute Greek place someone had recommended to him – and greeted her with a hug, he didn't notice that he was being watched. He hadn't noticed that someone had followed him from his apartment, because it wasn't the usual FBI's car. It was someone entirely different.

Stephen and Christine got a window seat and were so engrossed in their conversation, they hardly glanced outside. So they didn't notice the camera in the car window across the street, which was quietly sounding click click...

"I was talking to Doctor Cho."

Stephen raised his eyes questioningly. "Oh?"

"Yeah." Christine picked at her vegetables and glanced up at him. "Found her contact in the records and consulted her for a difficult case of BID."

Private contact information of current and former hospital employees was sensitive data and not officially available to colleagues – unless one had a really good reason. Stephen doubted there wouldn’t have been anyone in New York she could consult about this case.

"And?" he asked, curious but also anxious about what she had found out.

"It was a video call. She lives in Florida now. Married, has a dog." The alive hung unspoken in the air and Stephen let out a breath he didn't notice he had been holding.

He reached for his wine glass and took a sip. "Thank you, Christine."

Tony met Obidiah in the kitchen. The chef had made chicken and potato salad and even though Tony didn't stick to the general meal times, he always got a portion set aside. He also paid the chef a lot of money.

"Ah, Tony," Obidiah greeted him. "I wanted to talk to you. You know the children of Wenwu, the Ten Rings, right?"

Tony chewed on his chicken. "I met the daughter a while ago." He hadn't had any contact with her since, but he now owned a new mansion in Northern California. Maybe he'd take Stephen there for a little get away. That would be nice.

"Well, her brother Shang-Chi wants to meet up. A courtesy call to formally introduce himself. We can probably expect a business proposal or something similar soon."

Thoughtfully, Tony tilts his head. The Wenwu's were a difficult family, not easy to categorize in their goals.

"I made a reservation at Claire's," Obidiah continued. "For this afternoon. I'm looking forward to hearing what he has to say."

Obidiah held - after Tony - the most power. He was his closest confidant - along with Pepper and Rhodey, but their workspace was outside the tower. Claire's was a bar that was frequently used for more or less illegal meetups between two parties. To most of the people it was some kind of neutral ground and with a reservation no other patrons would be there.

"I'll go," Tony decided, following a sudden streak of intuition.

"Are you sure?" Obidiah asked.

"You're doing enough already. Happy will drive me."

"Alright then. Thank you." His godfather patted him on the back while Tony texted his bodyguard.

Claire's was a bar like any other, probably a little more nondescript. Located in a side street, with a green facade and a wooden interior. The windows were tinted, so you couldn't really tell who was inside. The sign in the door said CLOSED, but Tony opened the door anyway. A soft ringing sounded.

A quick glance told him Shang-Chi wasn't in yet. He stepped to the counter and ordered a scotch. The bartender was the only other person in the room. He would lock up when the second party arrived, then disappear into a back room for the duration of the meeting for privacy.

Tony took his drink and set it down on his preferred table in the middle of the bar. But he didn't sit down, instead stepping up to a jukebox against the wall. While he waited, he might as well pass the time. So he skipped through the selection of songs.

Happy, meanwhile, waited in the car, watching the entrance to the bar. He'd rather be right by Tony's side at the meeting, to keep an eye on everything.

His cell phone rang and Happy frowned, pulling it out of the inside pocket of his jacket. A glance at the display showed him an anonymous ID. Unusual. Not many had his number and usually he was only called in an emergency.

He answered it and heard a click as the caller hung up. Weird.

His eyes wandered back to the street. A person opened the door of the bar. Happy's eyes widened, because it wasn't the Asian guy they were waiting for.

He jumped out of the car, his hand moving to his concealed weapon. Behind him he noticed a movement and just managed to dodge it, so that only his shoulder and not his back was stabbed with a knife. Happy winced, took a swing with his elbow and hit someone behind him. It was not enough to free himself. He was pinned against the car and yelled out in pain as his already injured arm was twisted.

All resistance was futile as he was tasered.

Most of the songs in the jukebox were old classics. Tony spotted one by ZZ Top and reached for his wallet to find a quarter. He heard the soft ringing of the front door. That had to be Shang-Chi. Tony held a ten dollar bill between two of his fingers. "Can you change that? I don't have any coins on me."

Instead of getting an answer, two shots rang out in quick succession and Tony froze for a moment. Then he whirled around, saw a strange man with no family resemblance to Xialing – he wasn't even Asian. He held a gun in his hand, which he pointed at Tony. His eyes rolled back into his head and he dropped dead to the floor. Behind him stood Natasha, a gun raised herself. Her gaze was fixed on the bar and the blood there on the wall told Tony that the second shot had been aimed at the bartender.

His gaze darkened and he put his money back in his pocket. "What the actual fuck is going on?" he demanded to know, not sure where he stood with Natasha.

She put her gun back in its holster - it calmed Tony only slightly. He straightened his shoulders, not saying another word until he got an answer. Natasha was calm, her movements purposeful. With a soft click, she locked the door.

"They are Hydra." She stepped to the man with the gun and pulled aside his shirt collar, revealing the tattoo of a skull with six tentacle legs.

Frowning, Tony stepped closer and looked at the man. He was unknown to him and he was wondering when this scum of an organization got into his city.

"This meeting was a trap," he realized. The question was whether Hydra and the Ten Rings were working together, or whether Hydra had used the meeting as an excuse to meet him alone. No, to meet Obidiah alone, Tony corrected himself. Tony had just happened to be standing in for him. But getting rid of his godfather would also have been a major setback.

"That's correct," confirmed a new voice that was also familiar to Tony. One he didn't think he would hear again.

When he turned around, he saw Nick Fury step out of the shadows in the back. Tony was very close to laughing out loud. "Son of a bitch, you're alive? I need another drink!" Suddenly he remembered something and turned back to Nat. "Wait, what about Happy?"

"He got tasered, but he will be fine. Maria Hill is with him."

So the whole old gang that his father had started was reunited. Tony could only shake his head at this. He stepped behind the bar and reached for a bottle of scotch and a fresh glass. He wouldn't drink anything this bartender had touched.

"You guys want a drink too?" he asked the other two over his shoulder, but got only silence in response. He got two more glasses anyway. Ignoring the two bodies on the floor, he sat down at a table and filled all three glasses two fingers' width with alcohol.

"So...," he looked at Fury, "you're not dead. That's good, I guess."

Fury sat down across from him, Nat taking a seat at Tony's left side. "I had to keep a low profile for a while to clean up. There were traitors in my ranks and there are too in yours," Nick explained.

Tony swirled the amber liquid in his glass, watching it spin. "Obi was set for this meeting. They wanted his head."

"They want everyone close to you. To weaken your defense, before they destroy you."

That's what it always came down to. It was an aspect of Tony's position that he despised. His men knew the risks of working for him, of standing by his side. That they still didn’t leave him, he credited them. For him, his closest circle was family. And he resented an attack against his family more than an attack directed against his own person.

Tony glanced briefly at Nat and realized something. "During that gig in Boston, you worked for Fury, didn’t you?" He wasn't sure if that made it better or worse, but it explained why she hadn't told him.

"I didn't lie, when I told you, he had information about me and my past," she said truthfully. "But Zimin also had files about some other people."

Fury pulled a tablet from his jacket pocket and gave it to Tony. He read the names of various folders. Names that were familiar to him. There was one for Pepper, one for Rhodey, Natasha, Steve... and one in particular that caught his eye. With a touch of his finger he opened it and stared at various photos and files. On any single one of them he read the name of Doctor Stephen Strange.

It took him a few seconds before he found his voice. "What am I looking at?"

It was Fury who answered him. "The collected data of people close to you and therefore of interest for them. They will most likely try to deduce the weakest link."

Tony pinched the back of his nose. This was definitely a disturbing turn of events. He would think about what he could do about it. But one thing was definitely certain: "We need to get ahead of them."

#IronStrange #StrangeIron #stephen strange x tony stark #doctor strange x iron man #Stephen Strange #Doctor Strange #Tony Stark #Mafia AU #Mob Au #Italian mafia #Angst #Drama #Romance #Idiots in love #Faded black ink #ironstrange family

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medoclife · 1 year

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whatdoesshedotothem · 1 year

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Wednesday 9 November 1836

8 ½

2 35

no kiss fine morning - ready at 9 ½ - with M- Had SW- gave him the other (the clean) coal plan - he is measuring off this morning - then had Mr. Husband - Mawson to cart here old Staups barn timbers - breakfast at 10 to 11 - F47° now at 11 ¼ am off in the brown carriage A- and M- and I at 11 40 - A- left a note in passing at Mr. Outrams’ to say we should be there to see his cloaks and shawls in an hour or 2 - drove to Charles Laws’ - left A- [M-] in the carriage while A- and I got out to see the new barn up to the square of the roof within 5ft. (the top chamber being 9ft. high to the square) - all going on well - then returned to Mr. Outrams’ and alighted there at 2 10 - Mr. O- taken ill yesterday with another (2nd) paralytic attack, but had been bled, and seemed to be doing well - M- much pleased with the manufacture (from the wool of the Alpacca lama) - had wine and bread and butter - a long while choosing shawls and a cloak that A- and I are to give M- the stuff not quite ready - to be sent here next week - then Mr. O-‘s oldest son (aet. 20) and his wifes’ brother Mr. Thwaite shewed us over the mill - the young man has studied chemistry a little and mechanics in order to be his father’s engineer for a new water wheel - the shawls will wash very well if 1st passed thro’ a weak solution of ammonia (till the shawl smells of the ammonia) then washed with soap, and then again passed thro’ the solution of ammonia and wrung out, and then lastly in clean water and suffered to sipe dry - the ammonia in the 1st instance combines with and carries off the sulphur used in stoving the shawl and makes it fit for washing with soap, and in the 2nd instance combines with and carries off the soap - got a great deal of information from the 2 gentlemen respecting the factory act of parliament - they think parliament must repeal the act, and grant an 11 hours bill - limit them to working 11 hours a day and leave them at liberty to employ such children and at such ages as they like - they now agree with the medical man to furnish them with certificates at £5 a year per mill - the certificates are 6d. a piece by act of parliament and the medical man can charge 2/6 per visit - must go one a week - he could charge them £6.10.0 and could have more from larger mills, but a great many mill-owners have compounded at £5 a year - mentioned my water wheel erecting at Listerwick - young Mr. O- observed ‘water can but fall 16ft. in the 1st 2nd’ - the slower the speed, the greater the power - i.e. the longer the water dwells on the wheel-breast the greater the force it has - the breast being broad gives great advantage - mentioned my intended mill and having asked £20 per horse power on 15 horse power but intended making the agreement for £300 a year clear the tenant paying insurance - whether the power kept going or not - I would not be answerable - would not pay for stoppages - I thought the mill cheap enough to entitle me to this - yes! they both it was - a mill should be 16 yards wide for billys - 3 horse power would work 2 billys - .:. 15 horse power = 10 billys - Mr. Ostler had let room for billys at £70 per billy per annum finding nothing but room and power - but they were lower now - £50 per billy a common price in the country all about Mr. O-‘s 15 horse power = 10 billys at £50 = £500 per annum my mill at £300 a year certain would be cheap - If I found the machinery less than 10 p.c. on it would not pay me - told Messrs. O- and T- I should be glad to see them - shook hands with the former - his offer on meeting mine on parting - thought I to myself this is the best information I have ever obtained - A- tired lay on the sofa in Mrs. O-‘s parlour till the carriage was got ready - I gave Mr. O- ½ a sovereign for the workmen, and we were off at 4 35 having been there just 2 ¼ hours - stopt a little while at Whitley’s on our return A- and M- wanted the Factory time books for the school-use home at 5 ¾ - dinner at 7 - coffee upstairs - A- and M- talked over school-matters while I lay sleeping on the sofa till 11 ½ then sat talking - ½ hour with A- [M-] in her room till 12 ½ - talked over her money matters - she has

SH:7/ML/E/19/0141

the £200 she had meant for William Milne in the Brazilian funds which pay 6p.c. invested in her own name in trust for her own use with Mr. Lawton’s consent by her trustee Mr. W. Crewe - said I thought I had best pay her the balance of the account between herself and me - she thought so too if it was not inconvenient to me - no! not at all - and we are both pleased and satisfied that the money should be paid to M- now - A- and I both satisfied and glad of this arrangement - I advised M- to pay for Percy’s education as she intended, but try to do it out of income and keep all principal for herself - not give any part of it away during her life to which I think M- agreed - Fine morning - it began to rain at Charles Laws’ - (about noon) - and continued raining all the rest of the day - F44° and raining now at 1 ½ tonight - Kind letter tonight 3 pp. and ends from Lady Vere Cameron, Brafield house - is expecting a visit from her brother Lord B- all made up

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theretirementstory · 1 year

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Greetings from a chilly Bar-sur-Aube where the temperature is currently -1c.

Let’s start with an excerpt from “January” by Winifred C Marshall

"Little January

Tapped at my door today,

And said, "Put on your winter wraps,

And come outdoors to play."

This week I have had an appointment with a dietician. Why are these women always slim and petite? Funnily, she had spoken some English to me on the phone, but in the “safety” of her office she only spoke French. Well I stripped off down to my scanties (which are not so scanty now) and had my height measured and then I was weighed. I guessed she was going to say I was “far too heavy” but we sat down (I had put my clothes back on at this point) and she told me I needed to lose 5kg……… really was that all…..was she sure? I said the weight I had suspected I needed to be down to and she looked horrified and said that was “far too much”. I now have a food diary for one week and a paper to complete with eating habits (eating too quickly, snacking etc). Another appointment was made for two weeks time so hopefully I will be on my way to my 5kg weight loss by then.

The week seems to have comprised of nothing else but appointments! I had my blood test done, which was for the hospital in Nancy. No-one has phoned me so I imagine everything is ok. Then it was the dentist appointment, I was certain that the crown would be fitted, after all my last appointment was 13 December! Umm not only was there no sign of the crown but he has chopped the remaining front of the tooth down, I now have a gorgeous gap in my mouth. I left with another appointment for next week…..

I had seen advertised at the newly refurbished, under new management, cinema in town that a film “The Banshees of Inishiren” was showing in the original version. So I went along to see it, and check out the cinema. The seats have been re-covered, the walls have been possibly replastered and decorated and the foyer has been spruced up. The seats are still as comfortable, so I settled in and fell asleep 😂. I don’t think I was asleep long as I did see a lot of the film. It has been nominated for quite a few awards, to be honest I don’t know why! Perhaps I missed the best bits (I doubt it though). I am hoping to pay a visit to the cinema this evening to see “Les Cyclades”, although this will be in French I think I will enjoy it.

The association of which the “knitting group” was part, will be holding an Extraordinary General Meeting along with a General Meeting at the end of the month. I have usually attended, mainly for the galette des rois and champagne 😉. I had a telephone call from the president of the association, he was bringing me the agenda of the meetings. I think they are still looking for someone to lead the sewing, knitting and patchwork group. I hope they find someone as there has not been a meeting since 2020.

I then had my appointment with the social security to find out why I hadn’t received payment for two medical bills. Fortunately it was the nice lady at the office, she checked everything that I had taken for her and searched online to find these two bills, presumably they are scanned in on receipt. Unfortunately they were not on the system. She said I could request “duplicate certificates from the doctor and cardiologist. I asked at the doctors…… that doctor is no longer there 🙄 however they rang back the next day to say that “a doctor confirmed that a duplicate form would be forwarded direct to CPAM “, the cardiologist secretary said she would prepare a new form, I asked if she could post it to me and she said it would arrive next week so fingers crossed for both of those!

Pauline, was very pleased that she received a positive response from one of the emails she had sent last Saturday, it invited her to an online interview. She did the interview and was offered the internship. She was over the moon, it is for 6 months and as soon as she finds accommodation she will be leaving for “The Emerald Isle”. This weekend she is in Bordeaux, I have received photos already of the city.

Unfortunately the wind and rain were from the direction which has usually brought the rain through the dining room ceiling, and again it did not disappoint 😩. I rang the roofer, and not fully understanding I thought he was going to come straight away. When Pauline came round I asked her to ring him…. He was giving her some sob story about “family problems” that he was working on a house which was going up for sale due to a divorce blah blah. He said I would have the devis by this week (still no sign) and that he would come out Friday 27 Jan to do the job, which won’t take long. Let’s hope that the devis arrives early in the week and the roofer at the end.

An old work colleague sent an email from her hospital bed, she had had a slight heart attack and been blue-lighted to the hospital where she had an angiogram and balloon surgery. Holy smoke it must be catching!!!

I received a video of “the birthday girls”, they were at a soft play place. One year old and the eldest twin was climbing up a stairway and coming down backwards. She is really advanced, she was before she went to nursery and I think that nursery has just brought her out more. Her sister, who tends to be a Mummy’s girl, wasn’t half as adventurous but as they say, you never get two children the same.

It was Anie’s birthday, I sent her birthday greetings early in the morning and she rang to thank me. She had had a good day.

It has been a fairly busy week, I have been out for my walks most days. I even managed a longer walk yesterday too. All in all I am working hard to get myself fit and well.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend, have a good week. I am hoping for a good one, where my roof finally gets fixed, where I lose this new gap in my mouth and where I am reimbursed for my treatment, inshallah.

Bon dimanche

#nature #trees #barsuraube #photography #grandest #winter

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bopinion · 2 years

Text

2022 / 27

Aperçu of the Week:

“Yippee-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker!“

(John McClane aka Bruce Willis)

Bad News of the Week:

Donald Trump isn't over. I don't even mean that he is reportedly flirting with an imminent announcement that he will run again for the U.S. presidency in 2024. In order, it is said, to distract attention from the negative headlines surrounding the Senate investigation into the storming of the Capitol on January 6, 2021. After all, that's what he's primarily concerned with: his image. No, I'm referring to his continued dominance in the conservative narrative - defying its social media spell, except for the laughable boondoggle that is "Truth Social."

Finally, the decisions of his tenure still reverberate. Most notably, his appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court. A frightening example from last week: the rights of the EPA (Einvironmental Protection Agency) to set state-level emission limits for coal-fired power plants, for example, are being cut to almost nothing. This fits with Donald Trump's basic attitude toward man-made climate change: I don't care. Sea levels rising? "Then we'll have more beachfront property." And, "I've heard that the oceans will rise one-eighth of an inch (just under 0.32 centimeters) in the next 300 years." Excuse me? Have you been to Pacific islands lately?

That's what makes Trump and his supporters so dangerous: no idea of the facts, but strong opinions. 80% of the Republican base still support him. And 60% still believe he was cheated out of winning the 2020 presidential election. Facts? Why, it's all a matter of personal points of view. "Alternative facts" (that should be on Kellyanne Conway's tombstone someday) means nothing more than relativizing everything that doesn't fit one's personal outlook. Never have I so much as hoped that someone would fatally choke on a Pretzel....

Good News of the Week:

Those who feel they are a different gender than their birth certificate says have it anything but easy. Many affected people hide their true identity for years - from the public, from colleagues and often even in the family. Because society is mostly not yet ready to accept this as a self-determined personality trait. Until now, people in Germany who wanted to officially change their gender had to obtain two psychiatric reports costing up to a thousand euros and answer questions about their sex life, among other things. What should be nobody's business, that is shameful. And after months of proceedings, a court finally ruled.

Now the federal ministries of justice and family have presented the "Self-Determination Act." It provides that everyone and anyone can determine their own gender and first name. In a simple procedure at the registry office, which is then also binding, for example, for the entry in the passport. An expert opinion on sexual identity or a medical certificate should not be required as a prerequisite for changing the entry - after all, the people concerned are not sick, as the liberal Federal Minister of Justice Marco Buschmann comments. It does not matter whether the individual sees himself or herself or themselves as transgender, non-binary or intersex. And minors can appeal to a family court if their parents refuse consent. Good thing. Because true freedom cannot exist without self-determination.

Personal happy moment of the week:

The school year is coming to an end. And it relieves me of a pressure that had been hanging over it like a threatening storm cloud since Christmas. Because my son was officially "at risk of transferring" to next grade. And his lack of insight into the sheer necessities of his earthly existence ("School is your fucking job. So work, son!") was causing the whole family - and a tutor - stress. But slowly but surely, things got better. And with the last school assignments, we got the certainty: enough is enough, he'll make it through the school year. Phew! Now I'll leave him alone for three weeks. And then we start with repetitions during the summer vacations. Because next year has to be different, my nerves just won't take it anymore....

I couldn't care less...

...that Ukraine feels "deeply disappointed" by Canada. But only at first sight it is about a gas turbine for Russia. At second glance, it is the repair of a gas turbine. A German gas turbine from Siemens. A gas turbine that is located in Russia but supplies EU countries with gas. Yes, Europe's energy dependence on Russia must be overcome. And yes, theoretically, every ruble Russia takes in can help finance the war of aggression against Ukraine. And yes, "freezing for Ukraine" may be morally imperative.

But if an abrupt gas supply freeze drives Germany's third-largest industry, the chemical industry, against the wall, among others, we are talking about a recession the likes of which the Federal Republic of Germany has never seen before. Which must then also have a direct impact on German and thus also EU financial aid during the war and for reconstruction. In the case of the war itself, a black-and-white scheme can be applied. However, there is far more than fifty shades of gray in the sideshows of it.

As I write this...

...I am annoyed by a project at work that will not have a good ending. I know that, it's obvious. But it is not in my power to change it. Because someone who has more to say than I do is steering the whole thing with a completely out-of-touch mindset. It's like watching in slow motion a car heading for a wall. You know it can't brake in time. But you also know that the driver can't hear you screaming. Frustrating.

Post Scriptum:

In recent days, we've lost a number of high-profile politicians. In different ways. British Prime Minister Boris Johnson finally couldn't maneuver his way out of his scandals and lies. Former Japanese head of government Shinzo Abe was the victim of a hard-to-understand attack. Gotabaya Rajapaksa, the president of bankrupt Sri Lanka was driven out by his disappointed people. The feisty Ukrainian ambassador Andrij Melnyk is dismissed in a "diplomatic rout." There are no lifetime posts. Except in royal houses - and the US Supreme Court.

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