#mimi’s memos

[warningsine]

Cannibalism is considered the most inhumane of activities. In the last year, however, films and TV shows like Bones And All, Fresh, Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story, House of Hammer, and Yellowjackets have forced viewers to grapple with the trope by digging into the metaphorical, social and political themes it may represent beyond all that body horror. What they’ve discovered is just how delicious cannibalistic themes can be when digging into capitalism, patriarchy, human connection and autonomy for those at the bottom of the food chain. 

In Luca Guadagnino’s Bones and All, based on Camille DeAngelis’s 2015 novel, two cannibal lovers face tragedy. In the final scene, Lee (Timothée Chalamet) is dying from a punctured lung and he’s not willing to let his partner Maren (Taylor Russell) do anything to help save him. Their lives thus far have been defined by marginalisation, abandonment, shame, violence and trauma with only romantic love between the two of them offering any sort of true solace. With his final breaths, Lee urges Maren to eat him, "bones and all." We’re told in an earlier speech it is the ultimate, cathartic cannibalistic feeding experience. And so, through tears and after initial reluctance, she does. Two disenfranchised people finding connection in the most tragic of circumstances.

Now if your takeaway from this ending is that it condones literal cannibalistic love, then screenwriter David Kajganich would like to interject. "If I felt we had somehow pointed an impressionable audience in the direction of ‘this is a beautiful vision of how love should work’ I would have not gotten my laptop out," he tells Mashable. "I think what's important isn't why Maren finally eats Lee, it's why Lee gives up." The teen maneater’s fatal injuries were incurred while killing Sully (Mark Rylance) an elder cannibal. It’s not the first time Lee’s killed; it started with his father’s death and ever since it's been the predominant means by which he secured human flesh to eat. "In his case, the specific trauma of murdering his father is a repeat cycle that even love can't break," says Kajganich. "The ending is less about cannibalism and more about Lee's character deciding, 'I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to live even for this relationship.'" Living on the outskirts with his trauma, the guilt and the shame of his murderous cannibalistic secret is ultimately too much for Lee to bear.

A nuanced understanding is required when regarding the cannibalism trope employed in the novel and its 2022 screen adaptation, as several other social and cultural themes, such as class and gender, overlap and are presented through this taboo prism. But neither book nor film are alone in this resurgence of cannibalistic narrative exploration. Sebastian Stan raised red flags in Mimi Cave’s 2022 poppy rom-com horror Fresh as a hunky human flesh connoisseur using meat-cutes (spelling intended) to source female bodies to the highest bidder. Factual television series like House of Hammer and true crime drama Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story have been readily consumed by audiences with a taste for sordid exploitation. But, as audiences, are we missing the memo that directors are trying to send us through this series and movies? 

Eat the rich

There’s something of the American Psycho about House of Hammer, which details not just actor Armie Hammer’s public downfall – following allegations of sexual abuse. The documentary examines Hammer's expression of cannibalistic fantasies in DMs and shows a backdrop of context by also looking at the alleged criminal legacy left by the powerful men in his super wealthy family. Patrick Bateman, the eponymous psycho in Bret Easton Ellis’ 1991 book and Mary Harron’s 2000 film adaptation, like Hammer, has the power, the wealth, the looks, and the cis white male privilege to have whatever he wants – so why not human flesh too? He’s the ultimate consumer but the bodies of his victims tell a bigger story about his immorality. "When Bateman’s seeking the service of sex workers they think it’s for sex that they're going to provide but he ends up cannibalising them," says Mary Wild, Freudian psychoanalyst, cinephile, and co-host of The Projections Podcast. "What he's lacking is humanity. He sees it in people just trying to make a living and he needs to take that away from them." In these contexts, cannibalism runs parallel to extreme wealth and privilege within a capitalist system, in which wealth often comes at the expense and exploitation of other less privileged humans. 

"But it is important to differentiate those who have cannibalistic sexual fantasies and those who literally act on. Although these two sometimes intersect, this seems to be the exception and not the rule," says Victoria Hartmann, Ph.D., an extreme pornography and paraphilia researcher and executive director at Erotic Heritage Museum Las Vegas. "I strongly believe it remains vital to carefully consider the chasm between those who are disordered in such a way they would cause harm to another human being in real life without a shred of empathy, and those who have unusual (which can also be considered extreme) sexual interests."

Texts attributed to Hammer suggest he has been "kink-shamed" for his sexual fetish which is commonly known as vorarephilia (vore). Vore is characterised as "the erotic desire to consume or be consumed by another person or creature," specifically being swallowed or swallowing someone whole which is a tad different to the allegations against Hammer. Many of the women claim they were coerced and manipulated into his so-called vore situations which left them feeling physically and emotionally damaged. In the vast majority of cases – because eating people is a horrific crime, of course – vorarephiles, whether they imagine themselves as predator or prey, mostly enjoy this kink in a fantasy realm reinforced through images, texts or video games shared online through websites like Eka’s Portal. "Research continues to indicate, and this has been reproduced in study after study (including my own studies from 2012-2014), that paraphilias (also known as fetishes) are not usually indicators of abusive tendencies," adds Hartmann. 

For some, however, the focus on cannibalism in this conversation says a lot about our social acceptance of certain heinous acts compared to others. "Sexuality scares us; it is a place where we as human beings are deeply vulnerable, both physically and emotionally," Hartmann tells Mashable. "Now add to that something of an ‘extreme’ nature (such as a cannibalism kink) and this creates even more fear — both existential and real….we are forced to ask ourselves why some people would be drawn to the idea of sexualising death, it’s process and its aftermath."

Death has never been an easy discussion topic let alone when overlapped with desire – unless vampires are thrown into the mix. "Most people cannot fathom even for a moment how those two could ever come together," says Hartmann. It’s disturbing and disgusting and yet, no less harrowing than assault, abuse and sexual violence, which is far more commonplace and continues to be. "We only have to look at the low incidence of convictions for these very real crimes to understand how little value we give to survivors of these forms of violence," she adds. And certainly in the case of Armie Hammer, those accusations were deemed less shocking than the claims relating to cannibalism.

What’s important to remember, says Hartmann, is that a person's cannibalistic desires may not be the root cause for their "impetus to harm others in a non-consensual manner." "Generally, it stems from a co-morbid set of personality disorders; it’s just that some happen to have a co-existing paraphilia(s)."

Consumptive love and desire

The serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer is a prime example of this sort of overlap. In the opening episode of Ryan Murphy’s Dahmer series, starring Evan Peters as the titular serial killer, he rests his head on the bare chest of Tracy Edwards (Shaun J. Brown), the man he has lured to his apartment in order to murder. "I wanna hear your heart," Jeff tells the scared Tracy as he pushes him back on a bloodstained bed, strokes his chest and breathes heavily. "'Cause I’m gonna eat it."

After Tracy’s escape and the serial killer’s arrest, we learn that he had been murdering, carving up and eating his victims while keeping some bones as keepsakes – a habit psychologically influenced by the perceived abandonment by his mother. This could be seen as a way of preventing his victims of "love" from ever truly leaving. 

"Cannibalism is the consumption of someone else so, as a Freudian psychoanalyst, I see that as a longing for intimacy, a longing for psychological or emotional closeness, that is actually taking the form of a physical reunion or keeping that person as close to you as possible," says Wild. "Physical intimacy in terms of intercourse, that's not going to do it. You actually need to ingest them, you need to metabolise that person."

In fictional works the cannibal trope can provide fertile metaphorical ground to explore consumptive behaviours involving romance, intimacy and desire, especially for female writers and/or female characters, as with Fresh and Bones and All. "The mere concept of pleasure, especially tied to feminine pleasure, has been considered taboo or worthy of derision, not just in art but society in general," says Kayleigh Donaldson, critic and pop culture writer for Pajiba. "In its most basic form, romantic fiction can be a great way to bust those taboos and dig deeper into our desires. It's a safe space, so to speak, and genre fiction can be a great way to dissect those trickier areas, if it's done well."

Cannibalism in this context can be seen as an expression of female desire and autonomy in a patriarchal world that suppresses and oppresses. "We're taught to walk this literal and figurative thin line of femininity," Chelsea G. Summer, author of cannibalistic body horror novel A Certain Hunger, tells Mashable. "You have to be desirable, but not too desiring. It’s a test that female humans are set up to fail."

Unrealistic feminine standards continue to cause body image issues and eating disorders for women and girls. While not solely female conditions, female cannibal characters like Bones and All’s Maren can provide a "diagnostic criteria," says Wild. "It’s a type of eating that is done in secret, that is shunned by the rest of society and that's seen as abnormal, or, taboo, or sinister. It's representing on a screen this total, emotional spiralling and falling into an eating habit that is shameful. And cannibals themselves will express shame."

Outsiders in a discriminatory world

The desire for self-expression in a still discriminatory world has meant cannibal stories — like Raw, Yellowjackets, and Hannibal — have also been embraced by members of the queer and LGBTQ community. Not in the Dahmer sense of a gay man who racially fetishized many of his gay victims. But in the keen sense of disenfranchisement and societal shame where cannibalism is a substitute for a marginalised queer identity. "It isn't hard to imagine anyone in the LGBTQ community who has ever felt targeted intuitively understanding this metaphor," Kajganich adds. "Cannibalism is such a taboo of the civilized world, such an emblem of what is considered immoral and contemptible outside of holy communion, of course." 

"Horror is often such an amplification of everyday anxieties. Why shouldn't those two things combine for those of us in the LGBTQ community as a great language for expressing how it feels when your completely natural way of being intimate is judged as morally violent and socially destructive?"

And yet, when writers, artists or filmmakers employ such cannibalistic themes, characterisations or narratives, an angry online mob is sure to follow. From right-wing groups to QAnon conspiracy theorists, pro-cannibalism accusations have been levied at varied marginalised creators and groups to justify discrimination and fascist politics. And it’s nothing new. "Cannibalism is a charge deployed by colonising people throughout the globe throughout history," Summers points out. "When [Christopher] Columbus hit the Americas he said [the indigenous people were] cannibals therefore we need to change that." 

"Now there's this whole network of far right fascist media saying things like, ‘The New York Times is promoting cannibalism, this author is saying everybody should be cannibals and that is why we need to assume control of the West.' It is a fascistic way of implementing control. Cannibalism is the thing we hold up for being inhuman; not murder, not rape, and certainly not colonising. It's cannibalism."

Cannibalism in film and TV is proving to be a nourishing narrative tool to embrace and exemplify the disenfranchised. As well as forcing readers and viewers to negotiate their own awareness and sensitives to morally-challenging stories that don’t serve up clear answers on a platter. "If the element of cannibalism in the film isn't testing your empathy with the characters," adds Kajganich. "If it isn't forcing you to continue to re-up your contract with them in terms of just being open to their lives, then we failed, right?"

And that’s the power of this storytelling tool. By using cannibalism to ask questions of societal power structures, the patriarchy as well as the shame and fear associated with marginalised identity, it forces the audience to seek answers inside themselves. Is cannibalism the problem – or are we? Food for thought. 

#cinema #tv #cannibalism

[polite-pandemonium]

I’d marry you with paper rings - part 1

Prompt: Taichi and Mimi run a seemingly harmless con where they pretend to get engaged in restaurants so they can get free dessert, only to be caught in the act when her parents witness one of the fake proposals and 100% believe it. Pairing: Taichi/Mimi, others will show up I think Rating: T Notes: This is for @piedrpiper, who gave me this killer prompt, which I then ran away with and now who knows what I’ve gotten myself into!!! Also this is unbeta’ed and I wrote it all in the span of an hour so who even knows if it’s good!! WHO EVEN KNOWS!!!!!

Chosen Chat Thursday - 2:01pm

Daisuke:  uMMMMM ╭( ๐_๐)╮ @taichi-san, @mimi-san, do you want to explain what the hell this is?  https://www.tiktok.com/@minakolovesyou/video/87362956028361822

Yamato:  …what the hell is this?

Sora:  …I feel like we are missing A FEW chapters?

Koushiro:  Um? Did I miss a memo?  Or a several years long relationship?

Daisuke: You mean again? ( º﹃º )

Koushiro:  No one asked you, @daisuke-san.

Miyako: WHAT IS THIS? HOW DID I NOT KNOW?

Takeru: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Miyako: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME? ＼(｀0´)／

Hikari: Onii-chan, what is going on?

Miyako: Seriously, WHY? Why did no one tell ME?

Takeru: LOLLLLLLLLL

Miyako: STOP LAUGHING, TAKERU-SAN. 

Yamato: Takeru, stop. 

Hikari:  Takeru-kun, this isn’t funny!

Taichi: Oh my GOD, stop blowing up my phone, seriously.  It’s just this thing Mimi-chan and I have been doing. 

Sora: I’m sorry, what??? A ‘thing’ you’ve been doing with Mimi? You call *getting engaged* a thing??

Miyako: SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL?? @mimi-san WHERE ARE YOU?  HOW COULD YOU STAND FOR THIS?

Taichi: NOT FOR REAL!  I found a list on Reddit of restaurants in Tokyo that will give you free dessert if you get engaged there.  So Mimi-chan and I have been going around to them. 

Yamato: …You’re getting fake engaged? So you can get a free dessert?

Takeru: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Hikari: Oh my god, okaa-san is going to kill you.

Taichi: Stop, it’s all in good fun.  Plus she’s never going to find out? Don’t understand why someone filmed it, though.

Miyako:  This happens all of the time! This is TikTok!!  People film beautiful, random moments and share them! They thought this was a beautiful, random moment!  BUT IT’S NOT IT’S FAKE (ノ-_-)ノ ミ ┴┴

Koushiro: This is so unnecessarily deceptive.  You guys are both doing fine financially.  You don’t need to lie to get free dessert. 

Yamato:  Seriously, what the fuck? This isn’t cool. An engagement is an important moment.

Taichi:  Oh, calm down lover boy @yamato Not all of us have been envisioning our engagement since we were fourteen.

Sora: Taichi!

Mimi: LOL I see our game has been exposed. 

Taichi: It has, unfortunately.  The jig is up.

Mimi: On TikTok, too? Ugh, I wasn’t even wearing my cutest outfit that day.

Taichi: I think you looked great. 

Mimi: Aww, shucks, thanks hubby. 

Taichi: Of course, wifey. 

Daisuke: （●≧艸≦

Hikari: 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ

Takeru:  LOL?

Yamato: You’re both ridiculous. 

Mimi: Oh, Yamato-kun, you don’t mean that!

Yamato:  Given that you’re both running around getting fake engaged?  For dessert? I do. 

Taichi: OK, look, it isn’t just the dessert that we do it for.

Yamato: ?

Hikari: ????

Taichi: Sometimes they give us free drinks, too.

Mimi: One time, we got a whole bottle of Veuve Cliquot! 

Taichi: The big one!

Mimi: The BIG one!!!!!

Koushiro: You guys, really?

Taichi: The big one, Kou!!!

Mimi: 100,000 views, huh?

Taichi: Is that a lot?

Mimi: I mean, it’s not not a lot But it’s not viral

Daisuke:  Well, it’s only been up for a few hours And it’s popular enough that I ended up seeing it

Miyako: That’s cause you’re chronically online, Daisuke. 

Daisuke:  Takes one to know one, Miyako.

Hikari: Well, you both better hope it doesn’t accumulate any more views  I doubt you want to explain this to people who aren’t us Like your employers

Taichi: Oh, GOD, no thank you

Mimi: Um do NOT put that out there But I don’t think we have to worry about it Even if it gets more views, the chances of someone who knows us seeing it are so slim You have to be addicted to TikTok Like Daisuke-kun

Daisuke: Look, this isn’t dump on Daisuke, hour I’m not the one going out getting fake engaged for dessert I go to Lawson like any other respectable adult 

Miyako: Konbini betrayal!! (ง •̀_•́)ง

Mimi: My point is!! That we don’t have to worry about it going more viral. Viral is subjective now a-days. Everything’s viral. No one will likely see it. 

7:23pm

Ken: Ah, man I miss everything 

Friday - 1:47am

Jyou: Same But I’m glad I wasn’t here for this Seconding Yamato, you’re both ridiculous

The next morning, Mimi stood in her kitchen, eating natto over rice and running a facial roller over her cheeks. She had been out a little late last night with Sora and Miyako, drinking wine and chattering about their weeks into the wee hours, and it was showing on her face. 

Where had she put her collagen powders? She thought to herself as she surveyed the small kitchen in her Aoyama apartment. There were only so many cupboards for her to tuck them away into and yet they were no where to be found. Maybe if she was able to blend them into her coffee, they could perk her up a bit. Or better yet, a green juice - they were special ones she had brought back from her last trip to America. Surely in green juice they would make her glow. 

But she didn’t know where they were and Mimi didn’t like green juice anyway. 

Sighing to herself, she unlocked her phone. Swiping away from the notifications in the Chosen group chat (Takeru and Hikari were asking the group to settle some sort of debate they had stayed up till 4 in the morning arguing about - the old marrieds), she opened up her calendar. She scanned her meetings for the day: 8 in total, 3 on-site, 5 remote. 

Too many, she groaned, and closed the app. 

Opening up TikTok, she swiped through a few videos. A couple of reviews of local cafes, three videos about the latest season of Stranger Things, and a handful of fashion videos. She paused on one, inspecting the blouse the girl was wearing, before favouriting it as a reminder for her to pick it up later.

Then, suddenly, Mimi was met with the sight of her own face, blushing and teary eyed as Taichi knelt down in front of her in the dining room at Narisawa. 

She sat up a little straighter. 

This had been restaurant number eight on their list and overall, it had been a pleasant experience. Mimi had worn a bright pink linen dress she picked up from Reformation in Toronto on a recent buying trip with simple gold hoops. Taichi wore a well tailored black suit and white dress shirt, no tie. He rested his hand on the small of her back when they walked in. 

For over an hour, they laughed and talked together, recounting their days and weeks. The best part about this whole ruse was that they genuinely enjoyed each other’s company; it was easy to pretend you absolutely adored the person across from you romantically when you did adore them platonically. Taichi hammed it up, taking Mimi’s hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles in between courses, and Mimi answered in kind by reaching over mid-conversation to brush a strand of hair off his forehead. 

The food was delicious and the wine even better and near the end of dinner, Taichi had cleared his throat before getting down on one knee and launching into his (well rehearsed) speech about how much he loved her and how much he couldn’t live without her and could she do the greatest honour of his life by agreeing to marry him?

Mimi’s eyes welled up with tears (she had pinched her thigh hard under the table) before she nodded enthusiastically and said a choked-up ‘yes’. Taichi slipped the ring on her finger, they both rose, and embraced to the sound of both enthusiastic and uncomfortable applause. They kissed each other on the cheek (they were in public, after all), before sitting back down and beaming at each other.

Their server congratulated them and then offered them a bottle of one of their finest wines, on the house. They gratefully accepted. 

From her kitchen counter, Mimi chuckled to herself. The whole thing had been so fun - it had been Taichi who had sent the list to her when bored at work one afternoon and jokingly said, ‘Want to pretend to agree to marry me for free dessert?’ But it had been MImi who answered, seriously, ‘Um, heck yes.’

Together they devised a plan to work their way through the entire crowd sourced list. They would go to one restaurant a month and they would make up a new backstory for how they met, how long they had been together, and other various details for each restaurant, just in case. They took a quick trip to Liquem in Hanakawado and selected a sparkly, slightly gaudy ring for under ¥3,000. 

From there on, it was showtime. 

Looking at the view count on the video, Mimi’s eyes widened. Since Daisuke had sent it the day before, the video had now amassed over 4 million views and over 10 thousand comments. 

“Oh my god,” Mimi mumbled, opening up the comments section and scanning them. 

“Holy shit the way he looks at her, I’m —”

“Her face!! She looks so in love!!”

“If my finance doesn’t look at me like that then I don’t want it!”

“Ew, people like this? It’s so public. No thanks.”

“Her dressssss? Mommy? Sorry. Mommy?”

“Crying in single over here.”

“Who gets engaged at NARISAWA are you SERIOUS? I would be mortified.”

“He’s so hot.”

Flustered, Mimi closed the comments and focused on the video. On screen, she watched as her hands flew to her face as Taichi looked up at her, nervously, beaming, a Harry Styles song playing over them. The Mimi on screen nodded excitedly and the face of the Taichi on screen split into a grin. Mimi suddenly felt like she had to look away. 

They really did look happy. 

Before she had a moment to think about it further, her phone began to buzz in her hand. A text from her parents. 

Family Chat Friday - 8:34am

Mama: Oh, Mimi!!!! We just saw it!!! https://www.tiktok.com/@minakolovesyou/video/87362956028361822 We’re SO SO EXCITED FOR YOU ( ´•̥̥̥o•̥̥̥`)♡(˘̩̩̩̩̩̩ ⌂ ˘̩̩̩̩̩̩)

Mama: Why didn’t you tell us you and Yagami-san were dating?  We would have been so happy!!

Papa:  Mimi, darling, you have some explaining to do.  But we are VERY VERY HAPPY!!!!! ( ‘́⌣’̀)/(˘̩̩ε˘̩ƪ) CALL US!!!!!!

Mama: CALL US VERY SOON!!! AS SOON AS YOU CAN!!!! CALL US!!! ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

Papa: ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

#digimon #fanfic #taichi x mimi #michi #taichi/mimi #otp: flew to japan for a soccer game #fic: mine #fic: I'd marry you with paper rings #part two coming this week or someday idk!!!!

[charcherry-weekly]

Charcherry Weekly - Issue 175

Been spending all day today researching and yet no leads. I guess I better deliver the news.

Chao-mania

At the beginning of the week, a mysterious locker appeared in Desertia square. Reportedly, someone inside asked for a password upon the locker being knocked on. Somehow the password was guessed and the locker revealed itself to be the chao black market. There were ten chao eggs in total, though two of them have yet to find a new home. The following individuals have obtained a chao: robot catgirl QWERTY and her chao SMILEB, Samus Kitten and her chao Koh, Gym Leader Mimi So&so and their chao Mandy jr, June Egbert and her chao Gumdrop, Brae Emit and her chao..."cool guy"? (is this the right name?), and Jobeth and her chao Punk Daniels. Reportedly, two other chao were claimed by anonymous figures. It is assumed that one may have been sent to Voidco hq, while the other one was apparently sent to Chaos Obama's Island Nation.

If you are interested in adoption, ask for the shopkeeper's number from the bartender at Gene's Garden. If you wish to speak with the chao raising group, there is now a small memo for that, under #chao-raisers.

For the most part, things have been relatively quiet this week. Korosian President Thoren Emit has been dreading their santa duties, which may or may not have been completed in proportion to their crimes last year. Regardless, they are still searching for a successor to the santa title, preferably someone that owes a great debt to society. Please contact enduringFighter if you have any leads or wish to volunteer for this arduous seasonal task.

Rogue of Heart Charles has been wanting to organize a camping trip between digi-destined and their digimon companions, for the sake of positive bonding. Reportedly they will be scouting locations on monday.

Rather recently, a certain someone from the v1 session showed up in Unity Village. It was a present surprise seeing them again, as I has last contacted them a few months ago, to playtest the second half of None Pizza with Left Beef chapter 2. Meanwhile however, your dear newsletter writer has been busy with researching myths, legends, and historical records that may be of use in regards to Mage of Life Blaze. Unfortunately, while I have learned a lot, I am unsure which books should be the focus of my research when it seems as if most of us are without contact to her, despite the chittr account. Tangentially, I've been drawing a part of the story where Blaze traveled with Prince of Time River to meet their Denizen Morpheus. This has increased my sorrow and longing, despite the fact that I barely knew Blaze personally. Regardless, she is an important part of the community in Unity Village, and it is an injustice that she was whisked away as she was all those weeks ago.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

Katie’s potion stand (Not available to plitlanders due to regulations, available to all others however)

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand (ran by Rufus)

Apothecary stand - Flask (2 cp) - Ink (1 ounce bottle) (10 gp) - Potion of Supreme Healing (5,000 gp) - Acid (vial) (25 gp) - Poison, Basic (vial) (100 gp)

I think I'll fall asleep at the library. https://letssosl.boards.net/thread/410/charcherry-weekly-issue-175

#charcherry weekly #sbarg2.5dungeoncrashers #sbargv2 #pokemon #digimon #chao

[krs724490]

11.12.2023

continued from my voice memos because gabby came home. my chlidhood trauma was there. my mom wasn't around because she worked all the time. I had romanticized my sob story like the ones I had seen in the movies, telling people my mom wasn't around much.

I thought I was a bad kid. I felt my mimi much favored sophie and that I was the bratty one, the rule breaker. The one she didn't like.

In high school I was always on the fringes of the cool group. Looking back, I dont know that I minded too much being on the outs. That's one thing I'm not sure I've ever been too concerned about. If anything, I see being cool as having so much pressure to uphold that image. I would rather be lame. On the outs. The "cool" kids actually disgust me because they're trying too hard and that seems like a misuse of energy to me. I dont admire it.

ok topic switch. little break to go research future journaling.

its jarring to listen to podcasts about manifesting a relationship in your life. how much work people do. how much voodoo magic and want there is. and for me its never been hard. as fucked up as that sounds. I'd really like to know why I reach for relationships. Why am I a serial monogamist. Its so strange because I pride myself on being independent. I pride myself on not actually needing them. Men have always been my toys. I just want to feel desired, to have someone that admires me and the work I do on a more intimate level. Who can see the ins and outs of how truly positive and uplifting I am and can benefit from me as that energy source. It feels like I go into relationships not thinking at all. I go into a lot of things not thinking at all. I have trust in the universe to carry me and so why think? I'm constantly practicing that trust. Which I think overall is a good thing. but when I think about this thing with Graham. and how intentionally he came into it and how I kinda wandered in all la di da. Its like, I'm going to get out of it what I put into it. Did I even want a serious partner? Is this what I was looking for? am I ready? am I committing to a relationship out of the place of "it feels nice to have someone" or am I choosing it because from a deep place I am wanting to team up with someone? I dont need to repeat past behavior. Im exhausted at the thought of it. I'm already exhausted at the thought of having to untangle myself from him if needed. This all comes from hearing the way other people have gone in search of someone. Coming from a place of authenticity and strength and knowing. versus the way I stumbled into this blind - does that mean this can't be it? because I didn't do all the pre-requisites, does that mean this can't be it? my mind still looks for an answer when I know right now it is 50/50 both ways. It could be him, but there is also room for it to not be him. It feels like such a crucial time in the relationship. To be upfront. I think our next conversation will be telling. Its funny because every time we go deeper and deeper. and I've come up against the things that truly matter now. I dont know how he will receive them. I thought we had made it past big bumps, but of course now I realize what truly I need him to know. To even find a guy receptive to this feels amazing, Emily Murzyn would tell me I found the bare minimum. I like to feel guided. I'm usually the one doing the guiding.

I initially came here to get clear as to why I want a relationship. I want to give space to the energy of.. I dont need one. I dont feel I need one. I actually, would love to live out my little life in Golden, not having to factor anyone in. Not ever being uncomfortable. Being able to be selfish. I think my resistance to relationships comes from all the sacrifice I've made in the past for these boys that weren't it. I did it out of a weird place. I had a weird fantasy of wanting to be it for them. Wanting to be their dream girl. I loved feeling like their dream girl. So I bent for them. It was all a backwards way of stroking my own ego while simultaneously not staying true to myself because I was fitting a role - what would they have me be? a volleyball player? a weight lifter? would they think I was so cool if I was into the same movies as them? I suppose I always felt I could relate to them better if I was the same as them. I wanted them to think I was it, I was the world. So I pressured myself to become that. To take on what they liked. I'm not sure if other people have this issue to the degree that I do. with the hobbies and interests. I think its actually because I hold that expectation of my partner that I think they hold it of me. I have this belief that people who think like me are superior because they can see through the veil. They dont get caught up in human things. The joke is on me because I am one of the most caught people I know.. but in the past, I've pressured the people around me to think like I do, thinking I know the best way. When I really only have the best way for me, what sits right in my system. and my truth can be totally different than someone elses. that doesn't make their truth invalid. This is something to look at. Its funny because Graham thinks we are similar!! he said he thought we were similar on paper. from where I stand, I dont think so. but a huge part of me loves that he thinks that. I want him to think we float on the same wavelength because it ends positively for me in that way. He likes me! If the story he is telling himself is that we vibe, than that will become his reality and isn't that great for my ego who wants to catch all boys and make them mine. But I do think there are ways that we do vibe on the exact same, freakishly perfect frequency. and oddly these are the frequencies that may matter most when it comes to being in a relationship. its the openness, willingness, goofiness, amount of energy investment, kindness, patience, intentionality, mindfulness. Such key things we are so aligned in. That's whats making this work so well. and if we keep leaning into that I genuinely think we could be unstoppable. alright lets come full circle. do I want a relationship? what am I doing here? what is my intention? through all of this babble this is what I've deduced: I wouldnt have made it this far if it wasn't him. Or maybe I would have, but like with Colt, I wouldn't be taking it seriously. I would know it wasn't him deep down but still just be messing around for fun.. but instead of any of these scenarios, I am genuinely, fully trying my best to show up authentically, softly, openly with every cell of my body. I wouldn't want a relationship if it wasn't him. I would be better off alone if this wasn't going in the direction its been going. The reason why I'm even sitting here writing this is because it is a possibility. I have grown to the point where I'm only accepting authenticity in my life, now that I have a better idea of what that looks like for me. Honestly, Graham has taught me what that authenticity can look and feel like. He modeled it for me. He has brought the best out of me. He has forced me to get uncomfortable and face the truth of myself in the most productive, rewarding way. and he doesn't even know it. hes forced me to look at what I truly want and he has forced me to present it to him. and this energy is all moving self-so. There is not force present, this is the way its bubbling up for both of us. and so we let is bubble.

[old-knightsvow]

i think its cute ppl call him memo but id never bc family nicknames should be reserved for family only. if someone other than my mom called me mimi id bite their head off

#wait i just realized we have similar nicknames. omg guille bestie #txt

[mimiscappinisideblog]

My mom and brother being racist here.

Mom referring to BTS: I'm not racist! They all look the same! Right? *looks at me like I will agree with her*

Me deadpan: that's so fucking racist.

____________

My brother: they're yellow!

My sis: *sass him*

My brother: no, I'm black.

Me: you're not fucking black you idiot

Mom: don't talk to him like that!

#fucker been latin as fuck telling his black #since when are Latin people black?? #did i lose the memo??????? #mimi talks #this is why I don't get out of my house

[filmnoirsbian]

rent didnt deserve the character joanne jefferson and maureen certainly didnt deserve joanne jefferson and thats that on that

#in other news i still hate rent the musical w every inch of me #rent: its meaningful to be poor and homeless!!!! esp when ur family is rich and they love u #and would give u a safe place to stay in 5 seconds!!!!!! #me whomst was kicked out by my mom when i was 17yo: oh worm? mustve missed that memo #tcp #anyways joanne is literally an angel and the only good part of any of it #her and also rosario dawson but not the actual character mimi she can choke

[alternias]

Remembered when Henry convinced one of our friends to suicide pact with him on her fucking birthday 🥳

#memo #they both hid offline the whole day only to dm me later about how they both were still like bleeding out or whatever LOLOLOL #suicide tw #I hope you’re normal now mimi

[sweetsbfreex]

a styles vacation to Hawaii

Summary: a little continuation of this family. The styles take a vacation to Hawaii with mild bumps in the road. 

a/n: no warnings, but harry is not famous in this. I’ve never been to Hawaii and do not much of the hawaiian attire/culture, i just did research and put what i found. If there’s any misconceptions or if i’ve offended anyone by accident pls lmk!

Pairings: Dad, Husband!Harry

“Honey, you have to let go so we’re not late for the plane” Harry grunts, trying to stealthily pull Ava away from her hold on Milo. 

“No! We can’t leave Mimi” she cries out, cuddling her face into the pup’s fur even more. 

“Mimi has to stay with nan, honey” From his tone you can tell he’s losing patience.

It’s a definite eyesore. The whole situation takes place on your mother's porch. You were all meant to say your goodbyes before the three of you–– no Milo–– go off on a small vacation to Hawaii. 

Ava is holding on to the australian shepherd, not letting up one bit. You would think she glued herself onto him without anyone knowing, with how she latched on.

Milo in front of your mother's feet, enjoying what he thinks is a hug it seems. Only letting out long whines when Ava's sobs get out of control.

Harry is standing behind Ava, bent at the wait trying to pry her off her best friend.

You're crouched beside her, a hand on her back, trying to convince her to let go.

Ava's poor grandmother stands in the doorway. A look of agony on her face as she watches it all go down.

The–– now three year old–– has been throwing a hissy fit in the car, holding onto Milo's paw. Ever since Harry informed her how they were going to her nan's house to drop off Milo and then hurry to the plane. She saw the news like a terrible taste in her mouth, while she stared at you both in the rearview mirror eyes widened. 

You know how much the two love each other, but you didn't expect her to throw a fit like this.

“Ava I know you’re upset but, you gotta let go honey so Mimi can have fun with grandma. Don’t you want to go on the airplane, hm? Weren’t you excited about it?” You ask her, beginning to unclasp one hand and go for the other, trying to bring into your arms.

But with quickness, she remembered the only way she would be able to go on this vacation. Without Milo, she wraps her arms around Milo again. 

“Baby, Milo has to stay. Dog’s aren’t allowed in Hawaii” At this moment, Harry is willing to try anything.

“They’re not?” she asks, tilting her head back a little to see her father’s face. 

“Nope, Milo won’t have fun there. He’ll have more fun with Nana” he tells her, bringing his thumbs down to wipe away the tears. 

“...I wanna stay with Mimi!” 

Milo doesn’t eject this idea, letting his chin rest on her small shoulder. You and Harry huff in frustration, glancing at each other. Your mother...well she’s had enough of whatever foolishness you and H are pulling right now. 

“Okay enough of this” your mother starts, gaining everyone’s attention. “Ava, honeybee, Tell Milo and your grandma see you later and let go of him so you can have fun on your trip with your parents.” She says this with a stern, yet loving tone. Down to business and nothing else. 

“Yes nana” she mumbles, placing a few kisses to Milo’s cheek and glides to your mom. 

You and Harry look at each other in an instant, eyes wide at the way your mother fixed the problem in less than a minute. A mutual look of what the fuck, as in the what the fuck were you possibly doing wrong. 

“Thanks mum.” Harry says sheepish, looking at the calming little one swaying in your mother’s arms.  

“Yeah thanks mom” you say, standing up straight.

“No problem, Now get going, before she fusses again”

You all exchange your see you laters. Ava has yet another sweet moment with Milo. While Harry tells her she won't be staying in Hawaii forever and Milo won't stay with Nana forever. As you're driving away you all wave at the two, Ava yelling to Milo.

“Bye Mimi! See you soon! Don’t chase a squirrel when I’m gone!” She yells out the window, her arm waving in the wind. 

You and Harry share a chuckle. Despite what she may think, Milo has never chased a squirrel in his life. She's watched it once on a cartoon and it somehow filled her heard with the imaginary scenario. 

When both her grandmother and bestfriend are out of sight, she turns her head to the other window. A solemn look on her face, looking out the window like the Kermit the Frog meme. 

You play the Frozen 2 soundtrack for the less pouty girl behind you. But when you don't hear the shrill sound of her singing, you look behind you to see an upset look upon her cherub face. 

Her bottom lip is juts out, her hands fisted and arms crossed. 

“You okay?” you ask her, turning in your seat to cradle her knee. 

She’s dressed cutesy in a matching sweat set and a cute beanie rested over her plaits. 

“No. I’m upset and I wanna yell” she looks at you, resting her case, before she turns her head back to its original spot. 

Harry peeks at the interaction through the rear view mirror; an eyebrow quirked. One hand on the wheel while the other takes its natural spot in your lap, your fingers tangled with his. 

“Why are you upset?” you ask. 

“Because…” she groans, trying to figure out her ‘big feelings’. “You left Mimi and now he’ll hate me” 

“He won’t hate you, you’re his favorite person” 

“You guys don’t love me either!” She whines, glaring out the window. Wigging in her spot, causing your hand to fall from her knee. 

“That’s not true! We love you” you exclaim, in a loving manner. 

“Then get Mimi” 

“Mimi is staying with grandma Ava, enough.” Harry’s voice catches her attention immediately. “ It's okay to be upset but Hawaii doesn’t accept dogs, remember?” 

She only huffs, dropping her hands from her chest. 

“Can you play the when I am older song, please mommy?” she almost whispers.

You accept her request, turning so you’re seated right. Playing the song and hearing her sing eases your glazed stare a bit. Releasing a breath and closing your eyes as you rest your head against the window adds a bit to your release. 

Harry raises the entangled hands away from your lap, placing an adored kiss to the back of your hand. Sending a quick questioning look your way. 

“I’m fine” you send back, in a smile. No mother wants to hear those words.

He can’t do much with him driving and with Ava in the car. So he places a kiss to the back of your hand once more, and extends his hand so he caresses the back of your neck. 

“You’re doing a great job, stop being so hard on yourself” he encourages.

If your mom was here she’d give you a tip or two on how you and Harry are too soft on Ava. You couldn’t help leaving all the disciplining to Harry, you probably were definitely too soft on her at times.  

-

Through all the pouting, belting of kid songs, and Harry's annoying jokes and teasing. Five hours later you've made it to the resort. 

At the moment, Harry was checking you both in while you and Ava looked around the gift shop. When you feel someone’s arm come around your shoulder, you jump. But the feeling of his cold rings and brings you down. 

“Scared me, don’t do that” a breath of relief follows as you tilt your head back onto his shoulder. He gets the memo immediately, leaning down for a peck to the lips. 

“Made a friend in the lobby.” He tells you like nothing. Eyes shifting at his little girl looking through the stuffed animals and keychains.  

“Are you okay?” you ask in disbelief. 

“What?” he laughs, one eyebrow perched.

“Like in the head”

“I’m not following…”

“Why are you so good at making friends with strangers this easily? Seriously.” 

He laughs you off like it’s nothing, but it’s uncomic. You wish you could blame it on being shy, but compared to Harry it was not that easy for you to chat up strangers enough that you become acquaintances. 

Your husband could make friends with a duck if he wanted to. Everywhere you went. Whether in the ice cream shop a few miles away at home or the park where you took Ava all the time .He was always chatting with someone, in the end pulling you in. 

He only laughs it off, beyond doubt enjoying the look on your face. “We agreed to save each other a seat at the Luau tonight, for whoever gets there first. Talked to the husband actually, but you’ll see”

“You’re insane” you tease him.

“Can I have this?” A teal, stuffed sea turtle is thrusts in the direction of you and Harry. 

“How do we ask nicely” you say. 

“Can I get this?” she smiles, a smile so sweet, your tooth hurts from looking at it. She’s the most adorable thing and knows exactly how to use it to her advantage. 

“My sweet little baby.” Harry crooned, advancing to her, lifting her into his tattooed arms. Placing a series of kisses to her plump cheeks. She giggles, never wanting the affection to stop. “You can have it,” he tells her. “Let’s go to the till.”

“Harry you didn’t even check the price” you chimed in. 

“Shh. We’re having a moment” he acknowledged. He outstretches his arm, so his palm meets your face gently. You laugh into it, before you smack his wrist away, then placing a light kiss to his wrist when he whines.  

-

It’s some hours later. You’re all getting ready for the hotel’s hosted dinner/Luau tonight. The three of you took a two and a half hour nap. 

You were touching up your light makeup while Harry got Ava ready. He lost two rounds of rock-paper-scissors and now must deal with the havoc that is dressing Ava. 

“Baby, get the trousers mommy picked out for you” you Harey him tell Ava. 

“Trousers?” She says the word with confusion, “Don’t have trousers babe? That’s a silly word.” 

Then you hear the raspy laugh of Harry. 

“Your pants, get your pants and your top too” 

Not even a minute later do you hear Harry asking her to stop wiggling around. 

Harry walks in the bathroom, a giggling Ava sat on his hip. 

Harry adores a very laid back...dad look you could say. The back of the white wife beater he’s wearing get’s covered by a black button up shirt with flamingos patterned all over it. He’s also wearing  a pair of shorts and his favorite vans. 

Ava’s tucked into a set. a cami top with matching flared pants and sunflowers ornamented the black fabric. 

“Oooh look at mumma, beautiful huh?” he asks Ava, extending one hand towards you, once you clasp your hands in his, he spins you letting his eyes sink in.

“Yeah!”

“Thank you both” you smile as Harry tugs you in for a swift kiss. 

You had picked out an angelic, ivory crochet set. The top you’re wearing shows off your midriff and the long, flowy skirt matches with beautiful lace detailing. 

You turn to Ava to give her a kiss on her cheek. “You look so handsome.” you tell Harry, letting your hand run through his hair. “And you look so adorable, you like your outfit?” taking her from Harry’s hands. 

“Yeah, I like the flowers–– Can I have some too?” she points to the plethora of makeup products spread over the bathroom counter. 

Looking over at Harry for his confirmation, he nods. You take the brush running it over the blush, before brushing it over her chubby cheeks and her nose.

“Tickles,” she laughs, pushing your hand away. 

“Are you ladies ready to go?” 

-

“Wow! Look the fires!” She points at the lines of tiki torches submerged into the sand, jumping as she sits on your hip. 

The layout is stunning. There’s a stage for the performance, round tables spread out everywhere across the beach, and a buffet in the back. 

Most of the tables are already filled, albeit the show was to start in like twenty minutes. 

“There they are, over there” Harry indicated, his hand waving back at a family of four. 

With Harry’s hand settled on your back, he weaved the three of you to the table. 

“Hey Shawn.” Harry greeted, their hands clasped together as they brought each other in, clapping each other on the back. 

Shawn was a tall man, a few inches taller than Harry, and very built. He had amazing brown skin, clear like a mirror, and was bald––which he pulled off effortlessly. 

“This is my wife, y/n and my daughter Ava” he smiled at the two of you, while you shook hands with Shawn and asked Ava to say a hello. Which she did, like bursting a ball of energy as put her hands out for a handshake like she watched her parents do. It caused a laugh out of everyone. She didn’t know why they were laughing at her, but she enjoyed the attention. 

“This is my wife Avni” you hugged, as close as you could, with a petite, expecting Indian woman. She was radiant as she smiled at you and Harry. “These are my kids Grey and Aster” you shook hands with them both. 

Grey looked about Ava’s age, bouncy coils moving as he bobbed up and down in his seat. His sister, who looked in her tweens, sported the same hair texture. Aster more silent of the two sent her greetings kindly. 

“And the third is still cooking in here” he laughed, setting his hands down on Avni’s early protruding belly. 

With that joke, you understand exactly how the two of them got to know each other, as Harry joined in with his laugh. The wives chuckled amongst themselves. 

“How far along are you?” you solicited.

“Three and a half months” Avni smiled proudly, rubbing both hands around her belly. 

You cooed, “It’s amazing, you’re literally glowing. You're making me miss being pregnant” you joke. 

“Okay! Enough of that. One little devil is enough.” Harry tickles your side, as a result you jab his side with your elbow gently, as he grins down at you. “We’re gonna go get some food,” he informs the couple.

-

Now everyone’s sitting around the table anticipating for the show to start. Conversation running pretty smoothly. The four of you were even able to make a few plans for the week you are here for. You had gotten a high chair for Ava to sit and eat in, but she wasn’t having it. Failing around while reaching for you.

 In result, she’s now sitting in your lap, bouncing side to side. Munching on her French fries, chicken, and sipping on her pineapple juice. 

“Taste good?” Harry asks his toddler. 

“Mhm” she hums, shoving her thumb into his face. 

“I can tell” he chuckles, extending a napkin to wipe her face clean. 

You tilt your head down closer to hers, to see sauce around her mouth, some of it on her cheek even. 

“Daddy.”

“Hm, baby?”

“Mimi would like this, he loves the chicken mommy gives me” 

“You give Mimi your chicken?”

“No”

You both laugh it off, not seeing the point in correcting her. 

“Who’s Mimi”

“Mimi is our dog, he's big and he can talk!” Ava answered, her voice ringing with excitement. 

“Dog’s can’t talk!” The high-pitched voice of Grey argued, eye brows pitched together. 

“That’s a fib, Mimi talks to me all the time!” she defended. 

Thankfully,  the show was beginning, two young women and four young men came out on stage. Dressed in their traditional Hula attire. 

You and Avni shared a grateful smile, knowing neither of you would know how to suppress their little spiff. 

The dance is mesmerizing and it was nice with the sun almost setting as a background. Light hues of orange shaded the sea as the night took over the rest.  Everyone watched in awh, clapping when it was appropriate. The women’s skirt flowed amongst the air like water.  

Harry’s arm propps on the back of your chair. During the performance you feel his fingers run against the back of your neck. 

You turn your head towards, trying not to disturb the entranced little girl on your lap. “What?” you mouth. 

“It’s beautiful” he whispers to you. 

“I know” you tell him, smiling when he rolls his eyes at you. 

At some point in the show, the original dancers plus a few more stepped off the stage. An array of Lei’s on their arms, watching as they put Leis around their chosen person’s neck. During this time a woman walks behind Harry, setting one around his neck. 

You laugh at the shocked look on his face and the way he fixes his posture. She places a grip onto his arm, making him stand up so she could guide her to the rest of the others. Avni gets chosen too. 

The smile on your face makes your face hurt as you watch Harry “dance” up there. The man definitely didn’t have the bet rhythm but he’s having fun and you loved that. 

“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!...” Ava cheered on her father, clapping her hands. Harry looks towards her, waving. She gets even more excited chanting his title louder. 

She's Not interrupting anything, you’re surprised he heard her in the first place. But also not, she always knew how to project her voice when needed. 

A little over a minute goes by when Ava raises her hand and keeps it up there until you’re able to flag down someone for a lei, which you both get. The both of you walk up to Harry and you set Ava on the ground. 

A slight circle forms as you three hold hands together. Just swaying. Sometimes letting go because Harry wanted to spin the two of you. It’s a beautiful image, you're sure. All the glee you could hold in your body transpires in the way you danced with them. 

When you’re walking back to your hotel room, your arms are hooked with Harry’s and your head rests on his shoulder. An almost asleep Ava in his arm. He stops to bring his free hand around your neck, pulling you in for a kiss.

“Thank you for giving me this, I love you” he whispers against your lips. 

-

Last night, after the dinner and the Hula, Ava had facetimed Nana. To be honest, she had wanted to say a goodnight to Milo, but talking to her grandmother was always a plus. She was still dressed in her outfit, you and Harry getting ready for the night, so you could then focus on her. 

She sat up against the headboard, Your giant phone–– compared to her hands–– held in her tiny ones.  You were looking through her duffle bag for her pyjamas when you heard…

“Look Mimi, I saved you chicken”, her small teeth bared, holding up a piece of her chicken from dinner. Your phone is now being propped up against a pillow. 

You looked up to watch her pull a piece of chicken from her...pant pocket. 

That was the point you reavulated yourself as a parent and had to think about what kind of kid you and Harry were possibly raising. 

“Harry!” you called for him.

He walked out, an eyebrow quirked.

“Look.” you hiss, voice low.

‘God…’ Harry thinks. “Where’d she get that chicken from?” he asks, running his towel over his hair. 

“Her pocket! Why are you so casual about this?”

“Angel...you had a baby with me, what’d you expect?” he questions, seriously questions you this.

“You’re fixing it then, Mr. mini-me”

-

Presently, you’re all at the beach. Three towels and three umbrellas lay in/on the sand. You’ve rubbed sunscreen on Ava twice now and have had to remind Harry three times. After last time there was no way you’d be rubbing aloe vera on him all night. 

“Baby you’re dripping it.” You sigh, reaching over to wipe her chin of the chocolate ice cream she was eating, from a cup you might add. “Do you want me to feed it to you?”

“No, thank you” she replies, kicking her feet out. 

You’ve all swam a bit, but now are on a mini break from the water and saw they were selling ice cream close by. 

It’s pretty quiet between the three of you, too busy enjoying your treat. 

She gasps, “Daddy you’re a fibber” Ava says indifferently, slurping even more of her ice cream from her spoon.

He guffaws, caught off guard from her statement. He shifts towards the two of you. The way the wind blows his hair and the sun makes the green in his eyes even brighter catches you off guard–– the sight of his abs doesn’t hurt either. 

You also knew it wouldn’t be long until his hair gained some highlights and his freckles would be more prompt. You couldn’t wait.

“How’m I a fibber, messy?” squinting down at her.

“Look!”she points, “There’s a puppy right there” 

There is, you turn your eyes to where her fingers point to see a woman walking a black Dachshund.

Harry turns his head towards him, a sad look on his face. “You’re right baby. I’m a fibber. I’m sorry”

Ava hurls from her seat to latch her arms around his neck, “It’s okay daddy, now Mimi can come next time” she tells him.

If there’s one thing about Ava, it’s how much she hates sadness. Unless it’s from her. Then it’s perfectly okay. She hates sadness so much, she particularly had a dislike for the character from Inside out. Until you had to explain to her how sadness is something that is okay and needed from time to time, Like in the movie.

After her round of affection towards Harry, she emplaces herself into his lap.

“Daddy. Mommy.”

You both hum an answer. 

“It looks like a hot dog” she eyes the dog while it trots down the sand. 

“It does huh?” Harry answers, brushing her flyaways back. All while you laugh into your palm.

Your hands feel tingly when you wrap it around Harry’s neck, pulling him into you. His head lays against your shoulder. 

Definitely a vacation to remember and cherish.

-

if you enjoyed pls don’t forget to reblog or give feedback if ur up to it <3

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff #harry styles blurbs #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #dad!harry #harry styles reader insert #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles drabble #harry styles writings #dad harry styles #harry styles angst #husband!harry #husband harry styles #dad harry styles x reader #harry styles x you

[georgiapeach30513]

Work has had me exhausted the last 2 days to the point where I couldn’t read before bed like I normally do. 😩 on the bright side, I’m off today…which means I can binge read everything I missed in the last 2 days!! 😏 I’ve missed all my favs!

Hopefully you don’t get too much snow by you, if you so, stay warm and safe ☃️🤍

Oh no! I hate weeks like that, where all you want to do is just get in the bed and pass out! There are a few fluffy moments from the past few days. And since there's going to possibly be snow...wanna peak into the Drysdale's as their older and how they choose to spend a snow day??

🖤🖤🖤🖤

Snowed In

Summary:  The kids get snowed in at the estate

Pairings:  The WHOLE Drysdale Clan

Rating:  sweet snowflakes

Warnings: None, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  1.3K

Desperate Lives AU Masterlist

The Drysdale’s Masterlist

“What are you doing?” Ransom looks over at his son who walks through the house with his girlfriend and a few sleds.  “Why are you here?”

“It’s supposed to come a snow storm, and I don’t want me and Lo to be stuck in the apartment,” He gives his parents a smile, setting the sleds down before walking back with two huge sets luggage.

“How long is this supposed to last?  And who’s sledding?” Blade only smiles pulling you upstairs with him.  “Steven Blade!  Who is sledding?” he turns to look back at his wife, “Kitten?” 

“Oh, Ran, he’s a big kid.”

“He has way too many clothes, and secrets,” he looks outside to see Iris and Story’s family vehicles pulling up at the same time.  “Your daughters and their thirty children are here,” she only nods with a hum getting up to help them with, “Why are there so many bags of groceries?  Kitten?”

She walks outside to give her daughters a hug, grabbing up the carrier for the youngest Baizen boy, and then helping the toddlers Thorne and Poppy out to walk, “Come on Papa, help Mimi get these babies in.  There’s a lot of groceries, and bags to get.”

“Will someone just clue me into...” he stops when he sees Beck and Aster pulling in with another one of his babies.  “What is going on?”

“Ransom!” Kitten shouts at him, “You’re scaring the babies.”

“Why are you all here?”  Aster walks past giving her dad a cheek kiss as do the rest of his daughters, still not answering just walking in the estate with groceries and the men with the luggage.

“Papa!  Grab that heavy bag, I can’t carry it,” Ellie points at a bag full of drinks.

“Ellie belly, I didn’t get the memo.  What’s happening?”

She giggles up at her Papa, joined soon by Otto, “We’re staying in case the weather gets bad.  Mom, and Ree, and Icy, and Blade said we should all be together.  Now, get that bag.”

Ransom isn’t appalled at idea of his family and all their children being here.  Welcomes the idea of having these special moments with his family.  “Ewwie and me call sweeping in the bed with Wo and Bwade,” well there’s one couple that’s cockblocked.  

“I just want people to not to touch me,” Posie screams back at Otto.

Walking the large bag into the kitchen, he places a chaste kiss on his wife’s cheek who is already slicing up vegetables for soup.  Story cradling the newest, with Archer right by her side.   “Give me that baby, Story book.”

“No,” she doesn’t even look at him.  Just stares down at the sleeping newborn, offering sweet smiles and cheek kisses to Archer.  Another one that’s cockblocked.  She only has eyes for that baby, and he’s only a few weeks old.  Now the other two.  

“Story, I haven’t got to hold him.”

“Me, Papa,” Archer pouts up at Ransom, who picks him up.  Clinging tight to him as he leaves the kitchen.

“Can I hold him Ree?” Beck bats his eyes at her.  She gives Brooks a sweet kiss before handing him over to her brother-in-law.

“Enjoy it, while you can just give him back,” she answers with a wink, walking over to her mom grabbing a knife and assists her and her sister chopping up carrots.  “So what’re we going to do first?”

“Soup,” Iris answers, scrapping her portion into the stock pot.  “Then, Posie brought that thick yarn to do arm knitting with.  Even brought her favorite aunt some pink yarn,” Posie leans forward giving Story a wink.

“Maybe the pink will rub off on you for the next time,” she giggles.  Story just shakes her head.  While she wants a girl, those four handsome boys are more than enough.  Each of them, nearly a spitting image of the man she fell in love with.  Mixed in with a bit of her father.  “You do make pretty boys though.  Mimi, I brought stuff to make marshmallows for your hot chocolate, can I go ahead and make them?” she tells her oldest grandchild, yes, and Posie runs off to fetch you.  Needing her partner in crime to make the fluffiest of marshmallows.

Aster staying as far away from the kitchen as humanly possible.  Thinking every time she walks into one she messes something up, so instead, she helps the men entertain the babies. Laughter and conversations from all over the estate. The rambunctious, almost twins of Otto and Ellie run in between the two rooms checking on everybody, and dramatically go from singing a Disney song, that Beck and Story join in on, or pretending to be knights.

Even a grumpy Ransom coming back pouting at his daughter about him not being able to Hold Brooks. Walking back in the family room to see the beefy Chris holding onto the newborn. “Don’t get any ideas. There’s enough of these kids. Just hold one,” he scolds the man.

The part that Aster can help, is designing the charcuterie board lunch. Laying out all the cheeses, meats, nuts, and spreads. Getting help from you and Posie as the three of you make it all pretty while the soup simmers.

Blade’s mom walks to the back door opening it up and taking a deep breath, “It’s almost here,” she sighs. “Come here,” Ransom goes to wrap an arm around her, while her walking grandbabies go to stand beside her. “Smell it?”

“You can weally smeww the snow?”

“She can, buddy.  My Kitten has been smelling the snow as long as I’ve known her.  And that’s been over thirty-six years.”

“Mimi, can we watch a movie after lunch?” Posie asks leaning her head up to peer at her.

“Of course sweet girl.”

After the short lunch, you and Blade grab ahold of Ellie and Otto, following the rest of the family in to watch a movie. Everyone all paired up and holding on to a kid. Posie retired to curl into her dad, legs draped over her mom who leans over on James as well. Letting Posie get the most attention for awhile. While Thorne and Poppy respectively sit with their Mimi and Papa. Beck buddied up with Zephyr, who kept getting death glares from Ellie for sitting with her Becks. While Archer stayed with Carter, until he was sneaking away to be with Chris and Lucy.

Story clings tightly to her newborn, nursing him through the first half of the movie. Basically falling asleep on Carter, who just rubs shapes on her shoulder. Letting her drift in and out as much as she needs too.

Halfway through the movie, Kitten stands with a sleeping Thorne to check outside coming back with a smile before cuddling up to Ransom. The snow had started. From the looks of it coming down good enough to trap you here for days. Just the way she had wanted.

After the movie, everyone grabs a barely awake kid, to sit in the sunroom, just watching the snow fall. Ransom lights the fireplace, making the room all toasty and cozy, asking for Posie to sing them a song. She bounds to get her guitar, and plays a couple of songs that she had been learning. The most beautiful and precious family time. Ruined only by her looking at Blade. “I think it’s time to sled.”

The few snow days were spent with children curled up into somebody’s bed. Even Posie came crawling into her parents room when she found out Thorne and Poppy were with Mimi and Papa. Beck and Aster had stolen an Archer, while Zephyr wanted to be in the dark room with Lucy and Chris.

During the day was spent sledding, and doing a random craft. Everyone making a blanket, and coloring. Helping bake cookies, and the famous hot chocolate with the homemade marshmallows. Together time. Even listening to Beck read an unpublished work from someone in such a calm and soothing way. Making it near impossible to stay awake.

Kitten leans into Ransom giving him a soft smile, and whispers in his ear, “I know it’s overwhelming at times, but I do love having everyone here.”

“Me, too, Kitten. We did this. You did this.”

“You too, my pretty boy. All our games, lead us to have a house full of our kids and grandchildren. Harlan would be so proud of you baby.”

“You too,” he whispers slotting his lips against hers. “I love you.”

“Love you, too, Captain.”

Masterlist

#elrw24 #da au request #desperate lives au #desperate verse #desperate lives #DA AU #DAU #the drysdale's #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x kitten drysdale #aster drysdale #chris beck x aster beck #eliana henry #iris drysdale #james rogers x iris rogers #posie rogers #thorne rogers #poppy rogers #blade drysdale #blade drysdale x reader #blade drysdale x lo #story drysdale #carter baizen x story baizen #otto baizen #zephyr baizen #archer baizen #brookes baizen #lucy drysdale #chris drysdale x lucy drysdale

[theivorybilledwoodpecker]

When Nandor was calling out to Mimi, I thought he meant Guillermo at first. Like he was going for Memo, but he messed up. I was very disappointed when I realized this was not the case.

#Guillermo #Nandor #What we do in the shadows

[femme-malewife]

Can’t an Idol Fall in Love? (Sara) Honeyworks Novel Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I’m not a professional translator, please bare that in mind as you read through it all

Masterlist here

Ever since the music festival, Dolce had done a wide variety of different detailed activities that even Uru could barely keep up. They were no longer just doing mini-lives at bookstores and commercial facilities, but now also local events in the metropolitan area. They were actively showing off their performances.

Uru was surprised one day when her father brought back a memo for a business trip to a local rural area.

According to him, Fuuma was arranging a website to show off their activities. On it, you could see the introduction of the members and the dates and times of upcoming events, as well as songs and dances.

There was also a guide to the video sharing service site they were using.

Apparently, each member distributed things separately.

“I didn’t know there was someone in that famous idol group who likes this place, Uru.” Her grandfather said while polishing a cup at the Mimi counter.

Uru raised her face from her chocolate drink she had at the cafe area. She was supposed to help today, but she’d been seated as a customer.

“Yeah. I mean, he hasn’t really complained about it.”

Her grandfather was talking about Sara. The reason why she hadn’t mentioned his parents names in Dolce activities was because Sara didn’t want her to. Of course, Sara’s already appeared on TV as a child actor, so a lot of people already knew who he was.

(Sara-kun, there seems to be a lot going on with your parents...)

How long ago was it that she saw Sara throwing his phone away?

The screen on the phone had an incoming call, with the name flashing Mother on it. Sara had grown up with excessive expectations as a child celebrity and suffered with his own identity.

Seeing him like that made her heart squeeze.

Uru turned to the newspaper on the counter. Along with it, this morning’s advertisement was also folded and placed. On the front image of it had a supermarket in a nearby neighborhood, and had some pudding on it as the main product.

“Won’t you eat pudding with me?” Was the caption under the image, with Toujo Sara on the cover.

After the summer festival, Sara changed his way of doing things and showed off his parents big names to everyone, and it was starting to be exposed.

(I think it’s a great achievement for Dolce to start being more well known to the older generations)

And along with Sara, who started to advertise on TV, the other four members were putting in their own effort as well. They were the talk of the internet quite often.

Maybe it was because of the images of Fuuma that were leaked, or the videos of Kippei’s street dancing, but either way, Dolce was getting a lot of attention on SNS and was gaining more followers everyday.

It also helped that their website had various guides to video sharing sites.

(Among them, Mameido-kun and Nemuri-kun’s dance lessons for elementary and junior high school students is really interesting...)

Girisha and Kippei taught dance as a type of physical education class for school. A free video called “Dolce Dance Club” was increasing the amount of views.

With the combination of the dance moves with their opposite personalities, it was easy to understand that the two laughing boys were good at what they did. It was always well received, with comments like “it’s so easy to use!”

(And Fuuma-kun and Haiga-kun are focusing on their songs)

Fuuma always handed out advertisements, while he and Kazuki uploaded many songs to the video site.

People who watched Sara on TV, students who checked out the videos for lesson preparations on their phones in their spare time, people who listened to their songs...

The fan base was steadily expanding.

On Uru’s phone, Dolce was on her screen.

The office had officially recorded the stage of that unforgettable summer music festival. It was Dolce’s most viewed video.

“Because it was the best...”

It was regrettable that Uru knew how bare it was.

Of course, more than that, she knew everyone in Dolce thought it was more painful and regrettable.

“But...no one is broken.”

Their regret turned into determination. Uru believed they were going to keep moving forward through it all.

“Uru, did you say something?”

“No, nothing. I’m going home. See you.” Uru handed him her empty cup.

“You should have some cake too.”

“It’s fine, I have to go study now! Oh, everyone please take your time and enjoy yourselves!” Uru said to the store full of regulars.

“It’s amazing she can study with such a bright face.” Uru heard someone say.

(Yes, it’s amazing because I have Dolce!)

She loved Dolce. She loved their singing and dancing- and Fuuma too. She also admired them for pushing for their dreams without giving up.

Uru herself also chased her own dreams.

Thanks to Operation Dolce the Carrot, Uru’s performance in her studies were increasing. Because of this, Uru may be able to aim for an even higher high school. One with a confectionery club. Some higher high schools had clubs where you can learn specialized confectionery techniques.

It was a good way in being on her way to becoming a chocolatier.

(I’m still doing my best. Everyone in Dolce is doing their best, so I can do more!)

She knew she could do it.

(I love them, they’re the strongest!)

💞

“Well, looks like you’re doing fine.”

When Uru got back to the apartment, Sara had just exited the Dolce room.

“Yep! Thanks to Dolce.” Uru answered him with a smile.

“What, is there something on my face?”

“Hmm. I just feel like after all this time, you look different in real life.”

“...Ah, you mean my appearance on TV?”

“I think you look a little more beautiful on TV, but then the real life you’re...uh, well, kind of lazy? You look really sluggish.”

“I just make more facial expressions outside my personal life.”

“Oh, like that product ad? It looked so professional. The advertisement for the pudding was so brilliant! I was surprised at your smile.”

“Right.”

He had a proud smile on his face that she had never seen on him on TV.

Thinking about it, it’d been a long time since the two had really spoken, and that was when she could see his face the most. Sara had been very busy ever since the festival ended.

“Um...”

Uru felt like there was a lot to talk about. There were many things she wanted to hear.

But it didn’t work out.

“Hey, Sara, get in the car already!”

From outside, the person calling out to Sara was their manager.

“...Alright, I’m off.”

“Yep. I’ll keep supporting you.” Uru smiled and waved at him, seeing Sara off. She watched Sara’s back as he walked away. But for some reason, she felt really lonely. Her mouth opened to try to call out.

(But what would I say..?)

She didn’t know.

Words weren’t coming out.

But...

Sara’s legs stopped in front of the elevator. He turned around before Uru could call out to him.

“Thank you.”

“...Eh?”

“For before, with that insane chocolate theory. It was surprisingly touching.”

Oh, now she remembered.

Don’t expect things to come out great just because the ingredients are great. She told Sara that once.

“To be honest, I didn’t really understand it at first, but now it feels like I got it.”

“Oh...I wish I had...”

“No matter how delicious the chocolate is, it doesn’t make sense if you don’t eat it. I’m going to eat it. To get to know Dolce, I decided I need to make the most of my parents fame.”

(I see...so that’s why he started appearing on entertainment TV for Dolce...)

The elevator arrived on their floor.

“Are you coming? To the Higashi-Meihan.” Sara asked as he got inside the elevator before the doors shut.

“Of course!”

The Higashi-Meihan was a tour for Tokyo, Nagoya, and Osaka. Performing at the live tour at those three locations was called the Higashi-Meihan Tour.

Dolce was going to be performing as though to make up for the summer music festival.

Uru sent a V sign with her fingers with the meaning that she was going to be buying a ticket.

“I’ll be waiting.”

And with that, the elevator doors closed.

_

The heat of summer passed, the leaves of the roadside trees changed color, and Uru didn’t have the chance to talk to Sara.

Eventually, the there were dead trees around, and the lead-colored winter came.

_

The Following February

The Dolce Higashi-Meihan Live Tour headed towards it’s fial day of the Tokyo performance in an explosive success. The day was very cold, and the line of people continued on from the opening into the snow.

Uru felt overwhelmed by the length of the line. The scale was definitely different from the live shows so far.

She knew the maximum number of seats in the venue, but upon seeing it, she was still surprised.

(This really is a tremendous breakthrough..!)

All the seats were inside. Everyone held penlights in their right and left hands as they waited for the opening.

The lights turned off in the venue and the crowd shifted.

A countdown was projected onto the screen.

And finally, it began!

A vivid laser light burst, and five people wearing wolf motif costumes popped out from it. The cheers grew loud.

The song Irodore was the opening song.

Fuuma, Sara, Kazuki, Girisha, Kippei.

Even though it was February, they were sweating while running around the stage, singing and dancing with all their might. Uru could tell they were all enjoying themselves with their whole being. And above all, they were doing their best to entertain the audience first.

The power of the song fit the fan head on.

Soap bubbles and jet smoke colored the song.

The flashy stage exploded with colors one after another.

The spectators also got excited, being pulled into the world of Dolce, filled with five people.

At the end of Baby, Baby, Fuuma sang with all of his heart. Kazuki leaned over and covered his voice with his own singing, with tears in his eyes.

“Thank you very much for coming today!”

“We’re still not done, though!”

“We’ll go even further!”

“Please follow us!”

“We won’t lose!”

The five members looked at each other and nodded, pressing their shoulders together.

“Let’s go together! Beyond this dream-!”

The sound of a canon concluded the dreamlike time. At the same time, all the hardships and regrets were pushed out of Uru’s chest.

Her eyes started getting very hot, and tears were overflowing one after another and didn’t stop.

It was an amazing stage.

It was a heartfelt performance with lots of emotions.

(Dolce has changed..!)

Uru always chased Fuuma as the main character during live shows, because Fuuma was admirable. She was always moved by him. Because Fuuma was shining.

But today was different.

Each member showed their individuality and shined dazzlingly. She was fascinated by everyone, and each one of them attracted Uru’s gaze.

Dolce’s charm had increased many times and each color exhibited each individual.

Dolce was still moving forward. More and more, far higher than before, beyond their dreams!

And next week, Uru was going to challenge high school entrance exams with the power they filled her up with today.

💞

After putting on matching t-shirts, everyone jumped onto the stage in response to the encore. Cheers like waves swallowed Sara and the others.

The audience was pitch black, but the sight of the countless colorful penlights shined like the starry sky.

When they sang to their fans with their whole body, the cheers of all the fans came back. It resonated, and it felt like the fans and Dolce were united.

This was his first time.

Even when he appeared in a popular drama as a child actor, he had the famous producer provide him with original music.

When he released a solo CD as Toujo Sara and had his own concert.

He never felt such excitement from his body.

He also thought it was hard to leave the stage like this. He wanted to sing more there. He also wanted to dance more there.

(This new me was born in Dolce-)

It didn’t matter if he had a big name father or mother, or what his parents abilities were. His urge to sing and dance was Toujo Sara’s. His own.

(You were right, Uru)

Uru was in the middle of the audience.

He wasn’t sure how he found Uru in the dark seats. However, a mysterious force sucked his gaze in.

She was staring at Sara from there.

Her eyes were glittering at him, like the time they had with Fuuma at the audition.

#ouji uru #toujo sara #dolce #honeyworks #lisians translations

[spmcomic]

nassy and chunks for the ask meme! >;3

nassy-

How I feel about this character:

i love this disaster woman. this terrible, awful, dumpster fire of a woman. i love writing for her, i love watching her try to keep the castle together and talk the count out of his plan at the same time in the game, i love the way her survival instinct buckles under her loyalty to this guy. the power of love nearly destroys her. and the fact that she knows he’ll never feel the same... absolute disaster.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

in the comic i have her and the count kinda-sorta dating for a little bit before she, uh, burns that bridge. but the two of them are just terrible for each other, if left alone. their senses of humor don’t line up very well, so they tend to get dour and drag each other down... 

as before, i think nassy and mimi could be cute together. but honestly? for nastasia i kind of imagine the best-case scenario for her is that she eventually gets over the count and doesn’t feel the need to attach herself to anyone.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

i love writing her and o’chunks bounce off each other in my story. i think in the game their friendship is much more fraught and unbalanced, but i do genuinely think that o’chunks would be a great presence in her life in the postgame. 

i also think that she and timpani would get along really well, once they got used to each other. they have a lot of reasons to be bristly with each other, but they are both mature enough to put it aside and at least try to get along, until they find that they do like each other.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

sometimes i feel like i’m the only one that figures nastasia had a very similar job with another group before joining the count lol. i depict her as a vampire because of the motifs- appearing as a bat, the hypnosis, the pallid skin, the fact that she takes a killing blow and then gets up a couple minutes later- and because it gives me a good way to explore what kind of organization she was part of before being rescued by the count.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

i wish she had gotten to interact with tippi even once.

chunky- How I feel about this character:

i love the big silly man! i think he has a lot of really interesting qualities- that sense of honor and chivalry, especially- that go under-explored in the game compared to his teammates. i get it, he’s the comic relief, he does 1 damage, and then he gets pretty good mileage out of the “that escalated quickly” begging for death thing. that’s his “depth”. but it’s only a glimpse into his “dark side”, as it were, compared to everyone else in the gang. i feel like he’s just... missing a scene, somewhere toward the end?

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

haha, well, here’s my l’chunks flag again. 

if i want to get academic about it i could say i see him getting with a lot of people over time and not really being able to stick with any of them permanently. he’s just a regular guy, basically, and he’s been through so much weird nonsense (and some pretty traumatic losses) that most other people would have trouble relating to him, as fun and genuinely caring as he is. he’d have a lot of friends, and he would have nassy and mimi, but i don’t see him getting married or anything like that.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

this guy is bros with nastasia for life!! and i think his boss fight would have been nearly impossible if he had teamed up with mimi and gotten some cover overhead. he’s just so easygoing, i think he’d be friends with most of the people he met, if he managed to calm down about the self worth issues.

i think i got the idea from a tattle in the postgame, that tiptron gives you about o’chunks, but i really liked the thought that o’chunks and the count were actually close, and i wanted to take time to really expand on that in my own story. i don’t quite have a word for the nature of their friendship- “brothers” seems too familiar, but there’s not really any other family analogue that works either. brothers-in-law? haha. i’ve seen a few people write o’chunks and timpani as siblings, and i think that’s a funny little parallel.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i hardly ever see chunky get attention in the fandom and i can understand why- he’s harder to draw, he’s got less substance in the game, he’s missing that final scene where we kind of have something to reconcile his darkness with his silliness the way we do with, say, nastasia. he just doesn’t talk enough after chapter 5. 

but i still want to see more of him. i think there’s a lot of potential to expand on his character, and the gang kind of does need a “resident responsible person” to balance out their energy, because nassy sure as hell ain’t gonna accomplish anything if literally 0 of the team members listen to her. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

i wish we had gotten more out of him- during chapter 6 or 7, maybe, or at the end of the game- to define the extra dimension to his character a little more strongly. i know he’s hard to write for. i spent a week strolling around with my phone memos trying to draw comparisons to other characters that i DID understand well, just to figure out what i even wanted to do with him. nintendo could have made it a little easier.

#clonetrooperpenguin #ask #super paper mario #spm #nastasia #o'chunks #paper mario #ask meme

[lesbiangemma]

She was singing and got distracted by the butterfly 🥺🥺🥺🥺

#I LOVE HER SO MUCH #mimi’s memos #animal crossing #ac

[sassytimemachine]

Turn up the volume for Kitty’s soft noises. 👌👌

#she didn't want a kiss though 😪 #this is so ancient lmao #i know it's ancient cause my hear was still pinkish then #self tag #mamoshka #Mimi #miaws #mimes #Memo #mime #Marta #cats #she has many names

[emetkoto]

So like do link monsters go in your extra deck or your main deck like rituals

#ygo #???? #i missed the memo on that one #words of mimi