#monday is supposed to be my one day off wtf | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blossomwritesthings · 1 year

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Hyunjin sickfic when. *folds arms waiting patiently* 🤭

I love your writing sm I’m gonna cry

𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐨

pairing: hyunjin x fem!reader (afab)

genre: sick!fic. idol!hyunjin. hurt/comfort. angst. fluff. reader pov. established relationship.

content & warnings: explicit & strong language. mild thematic elements. hospital visit. this one's got angst in it. reader is sick (with a sprained ankle). hyunjin is worried af, as he should be lmao. reader has low self-esteem w/her dancing abilities, and has difficulty opening up about how she truly feels. pet names (affectionately). toothe-rotting fluff.

word count: 6.3k (yikes got carried away with this one wtf)

summary: it's been proving to be very difficult to keep the dance class that you take three times a week a secret from your boyfriend hyunjin. and the lies only become even harder to tell when you suddenly hurt your foot during class one night.

a/n: originally, i was planning on posting this yesterday as a kind of valentine's day gift for you guys, but then uni homework raw-dogged me like a total bitch and i got fucked over with a horrible migraine later in the night... i love my life!!! 😊 anyways, this was really fun to write- i FUCKING ADORE SOFT HYUNJIN!!! 😭 thanks for requesting, @hyungenie5... i hope this little piece of writing is to your liking, and thanks for your support~ 🤍

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ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). © ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

The dance class was supposed to remain a secret. No one - not even your boyfriend Hyunjin - was supposed to know that you were taking it until it was long over in the summer. By the end of the class, you hoped that your skills would improve immensely and that you’d be able to join your boyfriend in the studio some time to dance with him.

But unfortunately, those grand plans all came to a halt late one Friday night.

When you were practicing a certain twirl that had been giving you a hard time for the past week. For some reason, one of the laces of your sneakers had come undone. And this prompted you to trip over it when you suddenly came out of the spin.

You landed on the ground in a heap of limbs, clenching down hard on your jaw at the feel of a sharp pain shooting through your left ankle. The ache was agonizing, and it took everything in you to not scream out in anguish at the feeling that had quickly exploded inside your ankle.

Soon, your classmates rushed over and helped you off of the floor and onto a nearby bench, where your teacher took a look at your foot.

“It doesn’t look too bad, it’s just a bit swollen from the impact,” she said, peering up at you, a sheen of sweat glistening across her exposed forehead. It was sweltering in the practice room at the gym where you were taking the lessons, and everyone crowding around you was out of breath from the routine that the class had been practicing tirelessly for the last month or so. “I’d advise you to keep off of it as much as you can for the next few days and ice it every night. Don’t come into class Monday and instead give it a rest, and it should be better by the next session on Wednesday.” Your teacher instructed you, before giving your knee a gentle squeeze and going back to a group of students who needed her advice on a certain move. You had class every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday late in the night, but surprisingly, the sessions were always packed with wannabe dancers, even late into the night. It just proved how many people desperately wanted to become better dancers. And you were one of those ‘people.’

“Can you make it to your car alone?” One of your classmates asked. You looked up at Yejun, offering her a smile that quickly turned into a grimace of pain. You had met her soon after you started the class, and the two of you had grown closer over the past few months.

But no one knew who you were dating - who your boyfriend of three years was. They couldn’t know, otherwise, that would jeopardize everything Hyunjin did for work and your entire livelihood. So, you mostly stayed silent about the intimate details of your personal life with everyone else and opted to talk about the surface-level things in your life.

“Yeah, I don’t think I can do it,” you laughed in a humorless kind of way. Without another word, Yejun was picking up the large duffle bag that you always brought with you to practice. Then, she was slipping an arm around your waist and leading you out of class and through the spacious gym. It was still relatively busy even for it being so late in the night on a Friday.

“You promise that you’re gonna rest?” She rose a black, perfectly-manicured eyebrow your way as you shuffled out of the main doors of the gym.

And even though you had only known her for a few months, she could get a pretty good read on you. How you didn’t like asking people for help and how you tended to bottle things up all of the time. You had done such a thing since you were a very little girl, and you supposed there was no changing the way your mind was built. Even still, this aspect of your personality drove Hyunjin insane. He’d pry and pry and pry for you to tell him what was truly wrong with you, and it’d take more than just a few kisses and gentle words to finally get you to talk. It didn’t matter who you were with - who you were talking to - you just… couldn’t talk about really personal stuff most of the time.

“Yeah, yeah- I’ll rest all this weekend.” You rolled your eyes at Yejun as you stopped just in front of your car. You pulled out your keys, unlocking the doors before throwing your duffle bag into the backseat.

“Okay, well… drive safe and take it easy, yeah?” She mumbled, pulling you into a gentle hug, and you gave her a quick pat on the back before pulling away. “See you on Wednesday?”

You flashed her a playful wink, “Sure thing!” You waved her off as you slipped into the driver’s seat of your car. Your friend returned the gesture before she turned around and jogged back into the gym.

As soon as she was out of sight, you let out the moan of misery that you had been holding in for the last few minutes. The pain seemed to shoot through your ankle in quick increments, traveling up the length of your leg and pooling in your knee.

Holding onto the steering wheel with a death-like grip, you took a few deep breaths. The ache wouldn’t be this bad forever. You just needed to ice it. Just follow what your teacher told you to do, and you’ll be fine. You said all of these things and more to yourself inside your head as you turned your key in the car's socket and the car’s ignition roared to light.

Just get home and get in bed, and then everything will be alright.

But everything was not alright.

This was made so apparent when you stood in front of your apartment door and the remembrance dawned on you that Hyunjin had the entire weekend off. So that meant that he would be home earlier than he usually would be on a Friday night. And since it was a quarter-past-eleven at night, he was sure to be home.

Fuck.

It had already been an entire production getting out of your car and into your apartment’s elevator, what with your limping form and all. But now you had to face your very own boyfriend, who wasn’t even aware that you were taking a dance class in the first place. You wanted it to be a surprise for him. You had always been self-conscious about your dance skills ever since you were a little girl.

And then you went ahead and started dating one of the best dancers in all of the Kpop industry. As a consequence, your self-esteem in the dancing department tanked astonishingly low. You’d regularly join Hyunjin in the studio late at night at the company, and sometimes he’d try to teach you some of Stray Kids choreo. But most of the time, you made a complete fool of yourself, and instead opted to just watch him from the sidelines. Watch in silence, offering praise when you could, about how perfect his angles were, how amazing his technique was, and how his flow and rhythm were impeccable with the music.

Meanwhile, deep inside your mind, you were playing the same thought over and over again; why can’t you just be a better dancer like him? Why can you just not suck at it, for once in your damn life? He probably thinks your horrible, and he’s right… no wonder why he stopped offering you teach you.

But in the new year, finally feeling fed up from always feeling shitty when your boyfriend would show you a video of his dance practices, or when you’d watch him in the studio, you decided to sign up for the beginner's contemporary dance class at your local gym.

It was daunting, at first, to go by yourself without knowing anyone there, but soon, you got used to the feeling and genuinely started to enjoy your time spend in the studio. It was hard work, that was for sure, but you liked the idea of finally finishing it in the early spring and then surprising your amazingly-talented dancer boyfriend with the choreo that you had learned and practiced tirelessly for the past few months, unbeknownst to him.

To keep the class a secret from Hyunjin, you had lied and told him that you were going to the local gym and lifting weights. And it wasn’t a complete lie, because technically, you were at the gym. You just weren’t lifting any weights.

Nevertheless, Hyunjin had been hesitant about the idea. Especially since you would be coming and going so late at night. At first, he had protested against it because of how many creeps could be hanging around the gym that late at night. He didn’t want you willingly putting yourself in any danger from being out so late alone. But, after much negotiation and pleading on your part, you had managed to convince him to be okay with it. And then, you were off… attending the class three times a week and absorbing the lessons like a little ocean sponge out in deep sea waters.

You gathered up all of the courage you still had inside of you as you shuffled across the apartment’s threshold. A couple of the lights were left on in the living room, and dim classical music was filtering out through the nearby room to the right of you. Hyunjin’s art studio. The two of you had chosen this specific apartment to rent out because it offered two bedrooms, and the space that he wanted to make his office had an amazing, large bay window that showcased a huge portion of Seoul's cityscape. The view in there was breathtaking and was the key inspiration for a lot of his recent art pieces.

A sigh of relief fled from your lips as you dropped your duffle bag down on the nearby dining room table and made to get some ice for your foot. Your entire body was sticky from your dried sweat, and you longed to hop into the shower for a nice cool-off. Just as soon as you ice your ankle.

Just as you were filling up a small plastic bag of ice, you heard a door open behind you. Then, in a few beats, you felt two long arms wrap around your waist from behind. If you weren’t in so much pain at that moment, you would’ve been happy to feel Hyunjin’s presence at your back. But mostly, you just felt exhausted and irritable. And these were two things that didn’t mix well together.

“Welcome home, sweetheart,” he muttered, as he leaned down with his tall frame to pepper gentle kisses against your shoulder. “How was your workout?”

“Fine, I guess.” You said in a slightly-dismissive tone, as you finished filling up your baggie with ice.

“And why in the world are you filling up a plastic bag with ice?”

Your heart dropped into the pit of your stomach at his question. Because in your state of discomfort and exhaustion, you hadn’t thought out the lie that you would have to tell him for why you could barely fucking walk. And you definitely couldn’t tell him to the extent that the pain was at. But there was no getting around the fact that you had hurt yourself, so better to tell a small white lie than ignore it entirely.

“I, uh- kinda hurt my foot when I was working out with weights tonight, but I’m okay.” You said, trying to keep your voice light and airy.

Immediately as the words fell from your lips, Hyunjin was turning you around. His eyes raked over your face, assessing your neutral expression before flitting down to the rest of your body. Like he’d be able to see any other injuries you hadn’t told him about if he looked hard enough.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” His brows were furrowed in worry, the concern blatantly shining in his dark brown eyes. His fingers brushed across your cheek, before tucking a few stray, sweaty strands of your hair behind your ear.

You gave him a soft smile, leaning up to ruffle his fluffy, peachy-pink hair a little bit. “Yes babe, I’m fine.”

“Then, you should rest and use the ice pack.”

You gave him a sardonic grin, “That’s what I was trying to do before you stopped my plans and started to grill me with questions.”

He slipped his arms from your hips and reluctantly stepped away from your frame to allow you space to continue your routine. But not before he leaned down into you with his towering form and pressed a gentle kiss against your lips. And if your foot didn’t currently hurt like a bitch, you probably would’ve melted into his embrace and let him hold and kiss you for a long time after that. Instead, you just felt like a sweaty ball of painful shit and wanted to hop into bed as soon as possible.

“I’ll be in my office if you need anything…” Hyunjin’s delicate voice stayed with you in the kitchen, as he trekked back to the door to his office.

You quickly grabbed a kitchen dish towel to use to wrap around your bag of ice. “Alright. I’m going to take a quick shower and then head to bed.”

“I’ll be there in a little while,” your boyfriend said, and when you looked up at him, he was giving you this sweet, pure look of devotion. But it was also mixed with a tad bit of unease. He never did like the idea of you being injured in any way. “Try to get some rest, yeah?”

“Sure, baby,” you flashed him a wink, “but only if you come to bed relatively early tonight.” It seemed like he was always slipping into bed late these days… curling up behind you well past three in the morning. He proclaimed that it was only because inspiration struck him the strongest late into the night, and while you weren’t one to stand between an artist and their craft, there had to be a better solution for inspiration than ruining his entire sleep schedule.

“I'll sure try, sweetheart.” Hyunjin’s soft voice followed behind you, as you made your way to your shared bedroom.

At least you weren’t the only one who told lies in the relationship.

The next day, your foot hurt like a literal bitch all day long. The pain wasn’t too bad after you first woke up, and upon icing it for a little while, it felt somewhat better. But then you went about the apartment doing the chores that you usually did every Saturday, and the discomfort returned tenfold.

At one point, it was so bad that when you sat down on the living room couch for a few minutes to give it a rest, you could barely get up again. And when you untucked your sock after lunch, you noticed how your left foot was looking a little… discolored. Some parts of your ankle were grayed, and a tiny bit of swelling was present too. But you had hurt it in dance, so that was to be expected.

You tried to hide the agony that you were in from your boyfriend, but being the perceptive man that he was, he automatically picked up on it. After all, he had become attuned over the years to understanding when you were feeling shitty since it took you so long to admit to him how you were feeling. Throughout the day, he’d ask you if you were okay and force you to sit down for a few minutes to ice the hurting foot.

But it was after dinner that he finally decided to put his foot down about the whole thing. He had dragged you over to the living room couch, practically throwing you onto the plush cushions before plopping down beside you.

“And what gives you the right to think you can throw me around like your own personal rag doll?” You asked, playfulness dripping from your tone. You turned to him and rose a quizzical eyebrow his way as he turned on the tv and flipped through Netflix to find a movie to watch. The usual thing that you two liked to do every Saturday night; was curl up on the couch and get all cozy with each other. The movie nights either ended in one of two ways, cuddling until you both fell asleep right then and there, or making out and soon traveling into the bedroom for a long night of fun.

“I’m forcing you to take a break, that’s what I’m doing,” he leveled you with a serious face, a slight frown pulling his mouth downwards.

You folded your arms across your chest defensively, “I don’t need a break, babe. I’m fine.”

“Oh yeah? Well then, I guess I’ve just been imagining all of the pained faces that you’ve been making all day, or that perpetual furrow in your brow that you always get when you’re holding something in?” Hyunjin said, voice completely flat. Just then he reached out to you, wrapping a long arm around your waist and yanking you close to his side before tucking a fuzzy blanket around the two of you.

“I’m not furrowing my brows.” You said defensively, even though you had given up on fighting him any longer. Honestly, you were a little too tired from all of the hurt and activity of the day to care. So you snuggled deeper against him, slinging your arms around his waist and breathing in his scent of fresh linen and sweet roses. “And besides, the apartment needed cleaning. A bad foot wasn’t going to stop me from completing my mission.” You had taken some pain medication soon after lunch, but since it was late into the night, it had worn off. You’d have to take some before you went to bed, but it didn’t seem to help that much, since you had still been in pain even after taking it in the middle of the day.

“Just shut up and relax, will ya?” Your boyfriend all but grumbled, as he finally selected some random thriller to watch. You hid your smile behind your blanket as you felt him lean down and press a few kisses atop the crown of your head. “Just want you to feel better, my love…”

You turned your head up on his shoulder so that you were staring right into his expressive dark-brown eyes. “And I already do feel better just with your kisses alone.” A smirk spread across your mouth, as you leaned into him and your mouths met again in a soft kiss.

Your boyfriend motioned with his head to the flashing tv screen in front of the two of you, “Now, let’s focus on the movie so that you can get your mind off of the discomfort.”

A few giggles escaped from deep inside of you at his serious tone. He truly did care a lot about you and your well-being. And so that’s why you didn’t want to tell him how bad the pain was. Because you knew that as soon as you told him, he’d get himself all worked up into a tizzy and obsess over your health until you were back to one-hundred-and-twenty percent. Would practically nurse you back to health, ignoring all of his other duties at the company until he could confirm with his own two eyes that his girlfriend was feeling much better than before.

So you stayed silent, refraining from revealing to him how much agony you truly were in from your foot alone. You turned your attention to the movie in front of you.

And the feel of his long, muscular arms wrapped around your waist and squeezing slightly, the comforting sense of his warm body just beside yours, did wonders to the pain. It worked better than any of the medicine in the entire world, and you soon found yourself completely ignoring and forgetting the ache that was shooting through your foot and up into your veins and instead was basking in the feel and smell of your very loving boyfriend.

“Sweetheart, do you want to stop and take a rest for a minute?” Hyunjin asked you in a gentle voice the next day. What with it being Sunday and since the two of you were still off from work, you had decided to spend the day out on the town - shopping around.

You two had already eaten a sweet breakfast of pastries and coffee at a local cafe and were currently walking the streets of Hongdae, in search of a matching set of hoodies that fit both of your styles perfectly. So far, you had had no luck at the boutiques that you had already searched. The fuzzy hoodies were either too frilly or too plain...

You shook your head vehemently, “No, I’m fine… don’t worry about me.” But you knew you telling him that would only make him worry even more. Since your foot only hurt even worse when you woke up early that morning. The pain throbbed up your leg now, and it felt like somehow was grasping harshly at your left ankle bone every time you walked on it, rattling the thing bitterly.

You were practically limping pathetically at your boyfriend's side, desperate hands clutching at his arm to stop you from completely toppling over into a pile of weak limbs right there. Because that’s what you were feeling at that exact moment; weak.

Hyunjin ran a frustrated hand through his peachy-pink locks, an exasperated sigh flooding from his lips, “I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to us going out today-” He started to grumble beside you.

Just then, the two of you stepped over a particular area of sidewalk that was somewhat cracked in the middle. And of course, your left shoe - your bad foot - just had to get caught in the tiny space there. Immediately, your body hurled to the ground as you grasped for your boyfriend. Thankfully, he caught you just in time before you hit the asphalt, pulling you up onto your feet again.

And when you stood straight once more, the agony only intensified even more so. Feeling so overwhelmed by it, and so, so weary with sudden despair, a tiny cry escaped past your lips as your legs gave out from underneath you. Toppling onto the ground in a heap of exhaustion, the tears were freely flowing down your cheeks.

Hyunjin was already crouching at your side, one arm wrapped around your waist. “Darling, what’s wrong-” He began, the worry seeping from his tone.

“It’s hurts, Hyunjin… like, a lot…” You managed to get out in between your sobs. Your vision was blurry from your tears, cheeks warm to the touch at the embarrassment of feeling others' eyes on you as they passed by on the street.

But not another word needed to be spoken, as you were soon being lifted into your boyfriend’s arms. And a moment later, he was gently placing you down on a nearby bench.

He was then crouching in front of your feet, gently grasping at your left foot and holding it out to him slowly. “Can I take a look at it, sweetheart?” He asked you with all of the tenderness in the world. The look in his eyes then- one of pure apprehension and heartache did something funny to your heart and only made you cry even harder. You nodded your head in silent approval.

Heart beating wildly inside your chest, you waited, and watched in bated since, as your boyfriend gingerly slipped off your thin sneaker. With thin, nimble fingers, he slid your baby-blue sock down and off of your foot.

And the moment he saw what lay underneath, he gasped audibly. Your foot was steadily turning purple and blue and was swollen all around the ankle. Eyes completely focused on your foot, Hyunjin turned your foot from either side, inspecting it diligently.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of looking at it, he stared up at you with wide eyes. The heartbreaking look in them told you all you needed to know- the way that his lips slightly fell open in his surprise, jaw clenching in anger. “B-Baby, has it looked like this since you got home from the gym on Friday?” His fingers gently swept over the bone that was slightly protruding out to the side near your ankle.

The tears had begun to slow down, leaving wet trails down either of your heated cheeks. Sniffling, you meekly nodded your head yes in answer. “Why? Is it that bad?”

A deep crease formed between his dark brows, and his blush-pink hair blew in the cool February breeze that suddenly swept across the streets at that moment. “Sweetheart, this looks really- really bad,” his eyes flitted down to your foot again, which he was still holding in one of his palms. “I’ve seen a lot of injuries, and I know the signs… honey, I think you’ve sprained it.”

Your heart plummeted into the pit of your stomach. “W-What? But… how could that be? It’s not like I-” Your voice took on an incredulous tone, but before you could say anything else, your boyfriend was moving your foot again, turning it slightly so that he could slip your sock back on. You hissed in discomfort, biting down hard on your bottom lip to quell the moan that wanted to bubble up and out of you just then. The pain was unbearable.

Your boyfriend stood up from the ground, fitting two hands around your waist and helping you rise from the bench. He slipped an arm around your hips, securing you to his side as you slowly began to shuffle down the street, going backward from the way you had just come from. “C’mon, we gotta get you to the hospital.” He said, leading you two away from the shops that you had been at for the last few hours.

“Hospital? No- that’s not necessary, I just need to… rest at home, that’s all…” Your voice trailed off as another wave of pain throbbed through your tender foot.

Hyunjin leveled you with a glare. “It’s either you come with me willingly, or I carry you in my arms bridal style. Either way, you’re fucking going to the hospital.” The way he said the last of his words in that deathly-low tone sent a chill down your spine. Because you knew it all too well since he’d only use it on you when you were being particularly stubborn. And almost always, it was during a time when you weren’t taking any regard for your health, and Hyunjin had to force you to do the things necessary to practically stay alive.

“O-Okay…” You whispered. You struggled along beside him, fingers holding on tight to his thick brown winter jacket. “Just… don’t let go?” You stared up at him with big eyes, lip quivering a little bit from the pain of having to walk and put pressure on your bruised foot.

“Never, sweetheart.” He brought you closer to him then, practically wrapping both arms around your waist and helping you along the sidewalk as you slowly made your way back to his car.

“Well, you have a sprained ankle,” the nurse told you a few hours later. She was a rather short, petite-looking woman, with long, black hair swept up into a tight braid at the back of her head. “You’ll need to diligently rest for the next… four to six weeks. The doctor suggested using an ice pack for twenty minutes a few times a day, to help with the swelling.”

After you and Hyunjin had left Hongdae, it was only a matter of time before he found the nearest hospital and checked you into the Emergency Room there. After waiting for a little over an hour, you were finally called back into one of the exam rooms. It merely took the nurse and doctor one look at your ankle to confirm that it was sprained. After the doctor’s assessment, the nurse filed back into the room to hand you some paperwork to fill out.

During the entire visit, Hyunjin was sitting beside your hospital bed in a small chair, clutching onto your hand as you awaited the news of your diagnosis. He let out a sigh of relief at the news of it only being a sprain since he had been worrying that it was broken instead.

“And don’t walk on it,” the nurse continued, as she handed you a bottle of prescribed high-dosage pain medications. “I understand that it will be difficult to assimilate to a less active lifestyle for some time, but please remember that if you walk on it, doing so can put you at risk for horrible complications in the future and hinder you from achieving a full recovery.”

“I understand, thank you so much,” you said, giving her a soft smile as you fit the bottle of pain meds into your nearby purse. Your boyfriend was still clutching onto your hand, fingers squeezing a little too tightly as you positioned yourself back on the bed.

"I’ll give you two a few minutes, and then come back to assist you in checking out at the front desk.” The nurse returned your smile and bowed slightly at you and Hyunjin before making her way out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind her.

Immediately, your boyfriend turned to you with a deep frown. “And you’ve been walking on a sprained ankle for the past… three days.” He shook his head in disapproval, running a frantic hand through your hair. “Honestly, Y/N, I don’t understand why you do this to yourself- why you do it to me…”

Training your focus down at your lap, your fingers absently played with a loose strand from your thick winter sweater. “It’s not like I mean to not tell you stuff. It just… happens.”

“And you said you got this from lifting weights at the gym?”

His question forced your head to shoot up without you even thinking about it, eyes locking with his as he sat just beside you in his tiny vinyl chair. “Y-Yeah… I must’ve used the barbell wrong or something.” You laughed a little anxiously, heart beating painfully against your ribcage.

Because he couldn’t find out. It was downright embarrassing to think about him knowing you had been taking dance classes. But you also wanted to keep it a surprise for him, when you eventually performed your routine for him - not like that would happen anytime soon though, since you would be on bed rest for the foreseeable future.

Hyunjin brought his hand away from yours then, folding his arms across his chest stubbornly, crossing his legs together and giving you a knowing look. “I call bullshit. You don’t get a strained ankle from lifting a few pounds.”

“And how do you know that, mister?”

“Because I’ve seen the guys get injured from lifting before, but it never has to do with their ankles.”

“Well, maybe I’m the exception.”

“Cut the crap, sweetheart,” his voice came out a little cold just then, eyes raking over your form, studying your face to gauge your emotions at that moment. “Tell me what happened on Friday night.”

The embarrassment overtook you again, and you ripped your eyes from his. Focusing once more on your hands, you twisted the end of your sweater around your fingers. There wasn’t any use in keeping the ruse up any longer. It’s not like you’d be dancing the routine any time soon. So, you finally gave in and confessed to your boyfriend in a quiet mumble.

He leaned forward, tilting his body close to yours so that he could hear you better. “I didn’t hear that, love. Speak up.”

Clenching your fists in sudden annoyance, you stared at him, already feeling the crimson pooling in your cheeks. “I said- I was taking a dance class, okay?! And I fell and hurt my ankle- the instructor said it would be fine, but obviously, she isn’t a doctor…”

Silence filled the entire room after that, and it was charged with equal amounts of confusion and hurt. “Why in the world are you taking a dance class?”

“Because- I want to be good at dancing…” You exclaimed, staring into Hyunjin's eyes with what you hoped was a fierce expression. “I fucking suck at it- and- and you’re just so amazing, and I… I wanted to surprise you with a routine that I had learned all on my own. But then, I hurt myself, so that’s never gonna happen now.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Say what?” You canted your head to the side, watching as the emotions erupted across your boyfriend's face. First, it was anger, that you had kept such a secret from him for so long, then it was sadness, that you had felt the need to prove yourself in any way to him.

“Say that you suck at dancing,” he began, as he moved forward and clasped either of your hands in his. He brought them close to his mouth, lips hovering near your skin and pressing a few soft kisses to your knuckles. “You’re great at it, baby, don’t doubt yourself. And I was never amazing right off the bat. It took me a long time and lots of hard work to get where I am today.”

“Yeah, but some people are just naturally born with it, and I don’t think I am. So… that’s why I was trying to improve.” You shrugged slowly, a zap of energy coursing through your veins each time Hyunjin pressed a fervent kiss against your hands.

“Well, I always think that improvement is good. But, there has to be a balance. You can’t simply ignore your health just because you want to get better at something.” Your boyfriend said in a calm voice, the warmth of it vibrating on your flesh and softening some hard part inside of you. “And besides, even if you weren’t born with the gift of dance - which I don’t believe to be true - there are still other gifts that you have that are unique and wonderful to you, baby. You shouldn’t compare yourself to me, or anyone else, for that matter.”

You gave him a frown, eyes locked on his mouth that kept nearing your knuckles and pressing kisses there. “I know, but… it’s just hard sometimes, you know? To be dating such a… talented man.”

A tiny sound of pain - of heartbreak - fled from Hyunjin’s mouth then, and suddenly, he was pulling you towards him. Fitting his arms around your waist, he squeezed on tight. In an instant, you melted into the touch, burrowing yourself into the crook of his neck and inhaling his calming, sweet scent.

“I’m so sorry that you’ve felt like this, sweetheart. I had no idea.” He mumbled close to your ear, imprinting a soft kiss against the exposed skin there. “How can I make it up to you, darling? How can I change things, so that you don’t think so poorly of yourself anymore?”

You positioned yourself away from him a tiny bit, offering him a light smile, “Babe, you don’t have to do anything for me. My low self-esteem when it comes to dancing isn’t your fault, so don’t worry about it.”

He leaned in, kissing your lips gently. “Yes, but I don’t like the thought of you feeling so down about your abilities…” his voice trailed off into silence, as he contemplated what he could do for you. “I know- I’m going to nurse you back to health, and when your ankle is completely healed, I’ll help you continue learning that dance routine from your class. How does that sound, love?”

You kissed him back, hot breaths mingling slightly in the passion of the moment. “I’d like that very much, but… don’t you have your schedules?”

Hyunjin waved a nonchalant hand in the air like he didn’t have so many people expecting high standards from him every single day. “I can still help you and do my job, baby- it isn’t rocket science.”

You contemplated his idea over in your head. You hadn’t liked him trying to teach you different dances in the past, but perhaps that was because of your issues and not because of his teaching. And now that your struggles with the thing were out in the open, you got the feeling that your boyfriend would be extra careful when teaching you - treat you extra gently when explaining certain moves.

“Okay, I like the idea,” you decided, nodding your head slowly in approval. A wide smile cracked across your lips as you stared at his face that was alight with happiness and contentment, “When do we start?”

“How does eight weeks from now sound? To give your ankle plenty of time to heal.”

Gently carding a few fingers through his light, peachy-pink silky locks, you bent into him, the smile still plastered onto your face as you gave his mouth another kiss which felt like the hundredth one in the last hour. “Sounds perfect.” You said, and soon he was smirking against your lips, before tightening his grip around your hips, yanking you ever closer to his form, and smashing his mouth against yours in a fiery, loving kiss.

Fin.

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unforgettwble-sumii · 1 year

Text

BLUFF ଓ ˖˚⊹

[ Wednesday x Fem!reader ] PART - 1

> The reader trying to hide her feelings from Wednesday, in fear of rejection. However, little does she know that her one and only true love reciprocates her feelings.

🔵 [ Swearing/cursing | talking cat (⁠つ⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)⁠つ | I think I'll have to do parts, this was supposed to be a short oneshot but I got ahead of myself]

—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·

[Monday, 5:30 a.m]

It was a typical morning in Nevermore. It was actually a beautiful sunny day today. Some of the light from the sun shined through your window.

The birds on the trees were chirping and you could hear some chattering noises from a few of the students outside your dorm.

Actually, probably all of the students were up by now.

Except you. You pulled an all nighter last night to study for an exam in miss Thornhill's class.

"ughhhh...shit. my head aches soooo baddd" You woke up groaning. You turned to the other side where your nightstand was.

"5:35 a.m!? Shoot, I'm gonna miss breakfast!!!" You said jumping off your bed and sprinted to the bathroom to get yourself ready.

To be honest, you really didn't want to get off of your comfortable bed, I mean who would want to??? It's literally still 5 am in the morning. But, you had an exam at 7:30 a.m and missing it would cause you to get an F on your report card.

And since you were classified as one of the top students, you wouldn't want that now would you?

You wore the typical black and blue uniform, You styled your hair in an easy but quick hairstyle and placed a white bow on it to add a bit of personality.

You looked over to your roommates bed, Yoko. "Of course she isn't here" you playfully rolled your eyes.

You got your school bag and waved goodbye to your black cat. "Bye Selvester. I'll be back later, don't get into too much trouble, okay kitty?"

You said waving to the adorable yet grumpy kitty that was sitting on an open area infront of your window.

"yeah yeah, now go run off kid. You'll be late." The black cat said with a meow in the end. The adorable thing yawned and continued his disturbed sleep.

"hehe" you giggled. And with that, you ran of to the quad to get breakfast. Or at least you hoped that there was still breakfast.

AT THE QUAD ⊰⁠⊹ฺ

[5:50 a.m]

When you arrived at the quad you saw some of the students had finished eating and was going over some lessons for Miss Thornhill's exam.

You quickly went over to the table where your friends were sitting.

"hey, guys!" You said with a closed eye smile.

"heyyyyy, Y/N!" Enid said with her usual smile.

"Y/N how was your sleep? Actually, I guess it was good since you over slept" Yoko said as she and the others laughed and giggled.

"heyyyy! It isn't funny" you said with a fake pout that turned into a laugh after.

"I gotta be fr with you guys but my sleep was really meh" you sighed.

"We can tell with the dark circles under your eyes." Wednesday said, she was right behind you.

"AHHH- WTF-!? oh, hello wen!" You said with a smile, and scratching the back of your neck. You really didn't mean to scream.

"Don't call me that unless you want me to tear your larynx off." She said with her usual deadpanned expression.

"oh right... hahahahah" you said with an awkward laugh. Your cheeks were lightly coated with pink blush.

"oh Y/N? Where's your food?" Enid asked concern lacing her voice.

"Oh, right. Uhm I kinda forgot but honestly I think that they already ran out and all they have is rancid cereal, yuck" you said cringing at the thought of it.

"I think I'll skip it today" a sheepish smile plastered on your face as you said that.

"No don't." Wednesday said handing you a tray of your favourite breakfast foods.

A blueberry waffle with syrup, white frosting sprinkled with blue and white sprinkles. And ofcourse, a medium sized cup of hot cocoa.

"....woahhhh!!! Wen, how did you know this was my favorite??" Your eyes twinkled in excitement.

"First of all, the nickname. And second, you eat it every morning. I figured since I knew how....chaotic and very annoying you get when you didn't get to eat in the morning, I got you breakfast." She said as her eyes focused on your face the whole time.

"thankyouuuu!!!" You said practically jumping up and down in excitement.

Wednesday quietly sighed and watched as you ate your breakfast.

CLASSROOM ⊰⁠⊹ฺ

[7:26 a.m]

"Hello everybody, today as you all know, we'll be having a very big exam. It'll contribute 70% of your grade in my class. So I hope you guys studied well." Miss Thornhill said with a smile as she placed the copies of the exam on her desk.

She handed out the exam papers and made it clear to use a pencil incase of any mistakes.

You were rummaging through your bag for your pencil pouch but to your dismay, you couldn't find it. You then remember where it was. It was on your desk.

'shit' you mentally cursed at yourself. How could you be so forgetful? At this point, you were practically sweating.

A certain someone beside you noticed your distress and slided you a pencil.

You noticed the pencil roll to your side of the desk and you picked it up. You were about to turn to your side in order to thank the person who gave you the pencil but, they beat you to it.

"You don't have to thank me. I just thought of giving it to you since you looked like an idiot about to cry."

"thankyouuu so much Addams!!!! I was about to cry myself shitless" you exclaimed about to hug her but then you realized that it would make her uncomfortable so you stopped yourself from doing so.

"Yes, I saw and didn't I just say not to- nevermind." She happened to notice that you didn't call her by the usual stupid nickname that you gave her. 'weird' she lightly frowned.

She rolled her eyes and noticed that you were about to move closer for a hug, but you stopped yourself. That made her lips curl up just a little, not too much for you to notice though.

She was glad that you remembered that she doesn't enjoy skin to skin contact. She felt like there were disgusting butterflies in her stomach.

She didn't understand why but, everytime she sees you she feels the same way everytime. Confused, happy and other disgusting emotions.

You made her feel things. Things that even she didn't know she was capable of feeling. You were her love, and she was yours. However, both of you failed to recognize each other's feelings.

"Alright everybody, it's already 7:30 a.m which means, exam time!!!" Miss Thornhill said throwing her hands up in the air to show how excited she was.

"I wish you guys well and I hope everybody passes with flying colors! You each have 1-2 hours to complete this exam since it's a little long. Oh and before I forget, no cheating or talking to your seatmates please." She said glancing over to a certain student, that caused them to giggle.

And with that everyone started to answer their exam, some of them already being stuck on the first question.

Before you started to answer your exam, you quickly looked at her, flashed her a smile and a "Break a leg, Addams." You said with a grin on your face.

"You too, L/N"

a/n:

Okay, this took longer than expected. I was just gonna do a small and short oneshot however, my brain had different plans. ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡

I promise to make Part - 2 as soon as I can : *

But for now, that's all. Thankyou so much for reading and I also appreciate the love and support on my previous oneshots!! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

luv u all, xoxo!! ♡ - unforgettwble-sumii

©unforgettwble-sumii's work. Pls do not repost, steal modify, or translate.

#wednesday addams x fem!reader #wednesday addams x fem reader #wednesday x female reader #wednesday x fem!reader #wednesday addams x reader #wednesday imagines #wednesday addams x you #spotify #jenna ortega x reader

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whatsk-poppinhomies · 3 months

Text

Nana rant time because I've been putting up with some shit at work and I need to vent! (also, I'm still writing requests, I should have enough to queue up for the week once I finish this last one. And then I'll work on more for the following week. I'm trying to have a system and a schedule)

ANYWAY! So my shitty ex was finally terminated from the job that we both worked at. I was so happy, the drama was gone, I felt like I could breathe again! It was amazing! Sure, I had to work by myself three days in a row, but the actual store manager is the coolest and allows me to wear my headphones so I can just get in my zone and get shit done.

Everything is going great, and then I get this message from my work friend/work mom. Her daughter got hired. Now... Her daughter is only 17, so she isn't much help anyway, but on top of that, I've heard some shit about her daughter from her. The way she described her daughter for the past 8 months, this girl seemed like an absolute nightmare.

Queue me internally panicking because I have to work with this kid.

So she works with her mom first, and obviously her mom is going to say "she did great!" ya know, it's her kid and all, I guess she's gotta hype her up in some way. So I'm like, "okay cool, this kid works. Work mom wouldn't lie to me about that."

SO THEN SUNDAY COMES

And this kid comes over to me and says "Are you *Nana?" and me, being the cheerful, happy, super nice person that I am, I'm like "Yeah, hi! How are you?" And she just hits me with a "my mom says I'm better than you."

Like... Okay?? WTF WAS THAT SHIT?! Whatever, I'm just trying to work and not be stressed.

So, I continue trying to be nice to this girl. I buy her an energy drink because she wants one, I'm just trying to be a good person. I let her come out with me during my smoke break... And then she starts spewing some unnecessary family drama to me... Which was really awkward for me because like... I don't know this girl other than what her mother has told me, and I've heard some stories... Some fucking horror stories about this kid. So I just do the awkward smile and nod thing. I'm just trying to enjoy my cigarette before I start frying.

I get back inside after my mini smoke break that was less peaceful than I wanted it to be because this kid would not shut up. I start frying my donuts, and she just SHITS ON ME. Everything I do, she's just criticizing it to the point where I'm about to just throw down my frying sticks and walk the fuck out. Everything I did I was apparently doing it wrong, even though Sunday was only her third fucking day of working.

On top of criticizing my every move basically, she didn't do shit?? How the fuck is she gonna say that her mom said she's better than me when she didn't fucking do anything??? She's allowed to have a 30 minute break while only working 5 hours because she's a minor, but then she just takes it upon herself to take an HOUR break because she needed more time with her boyfriend I guess.

I end up working until almost 1 in the fucking morning on Sunday because the kid literally didn't do ANYTHING.

So then I got to work by myself monday, happy as hell, living the life, got out of work by 10pm because I'm just good like that. I don't need help.

But then I have to work with her on Tuesday. So I go in early. I go in THREE hours earlier than my regular schedule, because on top of being stuck with the worlds most conniving, manipulative, down-right shitty, brat, I also have to make everything that everyone else is too fucking lazy to make. I try to ignore the kid when she does come in, I already started frying, so she has donuts to decorate already and I just assume she's going to stay in her fucking lane and decorate them since she's "so good" at it. But no... She starts trying to glaze. And in the process of trying to glaze, she shits on the glaze I just made because it's "too thick". Like bitch, it's fresh! It's not watered down. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THICK! FUCK OFF AND GET AWAY FROM MY GLAZER!

I tell her to start decorating. She doesn't want to do that yet because the donuts are too hot. Get good, kid. If you were as good as me, you'd be burning your fingerprints off like I do and filling the fucking donuts. But no. She's a whiny little shit face who doesn't wanna fucking do anything but wants to get paid to stand around and act like she's queen shit just because her mom has been working there for 7 years.

Anywho, I take my little cool down break, which is like 7 minutes tops, just the right amount of time to smoke a ciggy and get back in before my next rack of donuts are done. AND THIS BITCH! She has the nerve to ask ME if she can take another hour break like on Sunday because that was "fun". OF COURSE IT WAS FUN! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO FUCKALL AND YOU STILL GOT PAID AND I GOT STUCK WITH THE WORK. So I told her no, that I didn't want to get in trouble for it, and I didn't want her to get in trouble (because I'm still trying to look out for her for some fuck ass reason), and THIS FUCKING BIIIITCH says "well who's gonna catch me?" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! THERE'S CAMERAS EVERYWHERE!!! Spoiler alert : She did get caught because her ass tried to take another extended break. Eat shit, kiddo.

I was off work tonight, and her mom texts me and says "She did really good tonight, she filled the marshmallow, she came back in from her break at the right time." OF COURSE SHE DID! SHE'S NOT GONNA DO THAT SHIT IN FRONT OF HER OWN MOTHER! THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT SHE'S A FUCKING BITCH WHEN SHE WORKS WITH ME! I DON'T WANNA WORK WITH HER ANYMORE!

Long story short, I'm about to lose my fucking shit and I still have to work with the worlds laziest, brattiest fucking child and I'm overworked, underappreciated, underpaid, and expected to just put up with constant bullshit by everyone. I can't find a new job fast enough.

#nana rant #if you read this thank you #if you didn't read all of it I don't blame you #i just needed to vent #did you know that you can just refluff marshmallow by putting air in?#I'VE NEVER HEARD SOMETHING SO FUCKING STUPID #that is not a child #that is a gremlin that came up from the deepest sewers and decided to ruin my fucking life

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chim-chim1310 · 9 months

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I personally don't think you should dislike JK based on his perceived backstabbing of Jimin. We don't know what's the nature of their relationship behind the scenes, how much of the current trip is a professional enterprise and to what extent the other members are ok with JK. We simply don't know so I will not assume. Whether they are ok with it or whether they're not, we know BTS never really exposes any fractures to outsiders. Some people take the distance jikook have had during solo era as an indication of something, some people took his trip to NY as an indication of something else. That's why I'll say that without any real info, there's no way to know and we all know how private Jimin is so that info is probably not coming.

But I will dislike JK based on my personal standards. Not by what I assume but by what I can see and hear is happening. To some extent those standards came from being a BTS stan but I can't lie to myself about them just because they are the ones violating those standards today.

I don't agree with how he's conducted himself as an artist. I don't like the song, I don't like the fact that he's engaged in more payola than any other KPop artist ever, I don't like that he's sided himself with someone as vile as Scooter Braun, I don't like how his supposed debut song had no writing credits and no contributions from him, I don't like how even his debut is a collab, I don't like the fact that it's probably a collab because they're angling for a Grammy nom in the duo / groups category and because they thought an American artist would help for the Hot 100, I don't like the fact that he singlehandedly dismantled the legacy of BTS as an organic group, I don't like the thirst for western validation thats wafting off his promo schedule, I don't like the fact that an English album means he'll only have some token writing credits on it if any, I don't like how he's been given such an advantage over other members even though prior to solo era, Jimin's solo songs have consistently done better than JK's and Taehyung is more popular in numbers in most categories.

Hope that clears things up for anon.

I completely agree with all of this.

You're right. I'm also not hating on jungkook because he backstabbed jimin because we don't know jimin's reaction and we'll never know. I know jimin has good relationship with him but that doesn't mean that we will stop fighting for the way jimin was sabotaged and the way jk got everything. We can't forget all this just because jm f*cking smiled at jk.

They have known each other for 10 years. Situations like these must have come a lot in their life in such industry. But I don't think their friendship is that superficial that jm will drop him for that. But that's the case of their personal relationship. I don't care about that. I care about how jimin worked so hard but still got nothing and jk didn't contribute any creativity and still is getting everything.

I am mad about how he chose to play dirty tricks to get to the top. I mean he seriously listened to the song and was like "yeah this song spoke to me" Like it's a joke!

Wtf is monday, tuesday wednesday....... Is it a kids bop or something? He liked this song?! The lyrics were already trash at least they could've made it a bit more catchy. I didn't even listen to the song twice except for the fact that it's been shoved down my throat.

And just armies as usual are gobbling it up. "Oh my god jk talked about sex! A 26 year old man talked about sex! He said the word fuck, how hot is that!" Like what a bunch of idiots.

Jungkook himself said in his white day live said something like he knows that armies would support him even if he sometimes does bad, and that's where his confidence comes from. He said something like this. Like seriously?! If he was a sincere, hard working artist he would always give his all to give his fans a good song.

He chose to not work hard and use the easy way. Scooter is another b"tch like I despise that man. And yeah he needed a collab even for his debut song. Atleast that he should've done alone. God either he just doesn't trust his own talent or he's just not talented enough to carry it on his own.

But I don't think so. He released a song like 'Still with you'. Like come on. When he can release songs like that how come a song like seven spoke to him?!

Just shows that he knows this kind of song is perfect for the Western market and he just jumped on it and took everything scooter and bang pd gave him on a silver platter. How can someone respect him as an artist after this?

#jimin

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gobbluthbutagirl · 1 year

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they were literally going to promote me LMAO that’s the crazy thing. Allegedly anyway. the thing is the communication problem there is just so sooooo bad. and the slot for FOS team lead(the position i would have gotten) is occupied by a guy they promoted to be a second closing lead because the first guy they promoted to be closing lead was struggling too much. and so i basically would have had to wait until one of those two guys got either promoted or transferred out of the store. And they were like oh we’ll use this time to develop you as a leader. And i was like ok. but here’s the thing. they put a different lead in charge of FOS for the time being on top of her other department which like. Bad idea because she honestly is not a great lead anyway but whatever who cares. And they were like, you’re gonna shadow her for two days and she’s gonna train you. and then they fucked up the schedule because the store director makes the leads’ schedules and hr makes everybody else’s and they moved her to a later time and NOBODY told the guy who made MY schedule. so i had to come in at 8am on 2 hours of sleep because i had closed the night before for NO reason. and then i had to text him on his day off when she wasn’t there because NONE of these other fools gave me their numbers. and then when she did come in she didn’t want me shadowing her at all & she was basically just like Here’s what everybody’s doing wrong and now you have to fix it. go get ‘em champ. and i was like wtf. And i kept asking her & the store director both, wtf is my role here exactly??? And they could not give me a good answer because they did not fucking know either. like they literally created this position specifically for me and yet the best they could tell me about it was “it will vary from day to day.” Like ok.

and then that monday when my favorite lead came back(he was hr) i literally had to get the 3 of them in a room and make them talk to each other like. Guys where was the miscommunication here. Wtf happened. and the store director got onto me for wanting to talk to hr instead of the lead i was supposed to be shadowing and i’m just thinking sir have you considered that maybe i got 99% of my information about this role from him and 1% from you and literally 0% of it from her. and it became pretty obvious pretty quickly that the store director & this other lead were having conversations about my role that they were not involving him in and they were not involving ME in any of it either. and he was so quick to take the blame for the scheduling mishap even though it literally was not his fault at all because nobody fucking told him! and they also got mad that he had given me one of the same days off as the lead i was supposed to be shadowing had off and i was like guys did you tell him at any point that you didn’t want my days off to overlap with hers? and they were like Well no. and i was like come on now. And then i agreed to work six days both of those weeks so my days off wouldn’t overlap with hers and i was getting like 2 hours of sleep a night and i couldn’t even drink caffeine due to the Great Stomach Ulcer Incident of 2022 so the whole time i felt like i was barely even alive.

And THEN i was like. trying so hard to communicate with this woman and voicing any concerns i had to her whenever i saw her. and despite her & the store director telling me 100 billion times i was not supposed to be coverage at the registers i wound up being coverage every. Single. Day. so i would come in and be at the registers every day and she’d get mad at me for like. making sure the team got their breaks on time instead of doing god only knows whatever the hell else that she wanted me to be doing. and then she eventually just pretty much stopped speaking to me completely and i was just like whatever. and then after 2 entire days of not hearing from her at all except for when she asked me to do something that both people in hr had already told me they would be doing that day she called me into the office and she was like. I am going to give you some feedback and this other lead is going to just sit here and watch. and then she’s like You have an attitude problem because you talk to me at the registers instead of pulling me aside. and you don’t check in with me. And you talk about confidential information in front of team members. And i’m like what confidential information did i talk about in front of team members? Because you’ve got to keep in mind that this woman does not tell me shit. and she’s like well you talked about [coworker] being in the hospital in front of [other coworker]. And i’m like well [other coworker] is the guy who told me about [coworker] being in the hospital in the first place. And i was asking you if you knew about that because you guys made him come in anyway yesterday when he tried to call out even though he had a 100+ degree fever. And she was like well you’re not supposed to talk about that because it’s disrespectful. And i was like girl what the hell. did not say that obviously but i pretty much went home and had a mental breakdown because EVERYTHING she said was like that

and then since i wasted my whole day off having a sleep-deprivation-induced mental breakdown i wanted to call off the next day but i didn’t because i realized they would have like zero coverage without me(the bitch that was not even supposed to be coverage!!!). and the next day i came in and had to have the dreaded “i did not want anybody to know either of these things but my bipolar ass is really struggling right now” conversation with my favorite lead & he encouraged me to take some time off & also said some shit that i think actually fixed me. But anyway i took like a week off and then came back to discover that the lead in charge of FOS was out with covid. Ok then. and so she was out for like my entire workweek and then when she came back i kept expecting her to say SOMETHING to me but she never did. and i had made a list of concerns i had wanted to go over with her and i gave them to my favorite lead because he was gonna see her again before i was and i honestly don’t know if he had a chance to talk to her about them or not because the next time i saw him was when he dropped the “my husband got promoted so we’re moving to florida” bombshell on me so i kind of stopped caring if she had her shit together or not. and so my focus for the next week was basically like Am i gonna be able to make this magnet i wanna make for him in time or not(the answer was yes btw & he loved it). but at one point he did ask me, do you want me to kind of nudge her in the direction of talking to you? and i was like no because i’m sad about you leaving so i’m not even thinking about that. But also the thing is she literally should have been able to take that initiative ON HER OWN!!! like he literally should not have had to do anything!!! world literally in shambles!!! hate and hell on planet earth!!!

and then like. on his last day i was like i don’t know what i’m gonna do now because you are literally the only lead that communicates with me. i guess i’m gonna try to talk to her tomorrow. and he was like don’t even talk to her just talk to the store director. And i was like you know what you’re literally right. so i wrote my name down to talk to him for the next available timeslot. and keep in mind i did this on the weekend and that timeslot was for tuesday. And i kept telling myself, MAYBE if she says something to me before then i will reconsider my “i gotta get outta here” plan. that woman was in the target at the same time as i was EVERY day and she did not say SHIT. and it’s like. i’m supposed to be your quote-unquote “team captain” …how are you gonna go a whole MONTH without speaking to me AT ALL? how the fuck am i supposed to run this department if you don’t fucking communicate with me and you tell me that me attempting to communicate with YOU is a “behavior problem” that i need to change? Like. i don’t have ANY access to any of the emails you get from corporate telling you how FOS is supposed to be. i don’t have any access to the guest surveys that tell you what the team might need to work on! girl i am relying on YOU for that shit and you aren’t giving it to me! and you’ve been back for TWO WEEKS at this point and have not taken ANY time to talk to me.

and so i told the store director, it literally feels like you guys gave up on me and just forgot to tell me. and he was like oh of course not we would never! but unfortunately the feeling is very much NOT mutual because i have 100% given up on them like. i have had the “leads have GOT to get better about communication” talk with him 3 times now and leads have NOT gotten better about communication. if anything they’ve gotten WORSE! and they just lost the ONE guy who was actually good at communication like. no chance in hell they will EVER get better about it now! and the thing is. i absolutely cannot take feedback from people who get paid more than me to be more incompetent than i could ever even hope to dream of being. Like. there was literally ONE lead who i could take feedback from and he just left forever. and this one who’s supposed to be my direct lead has given guests just blatantly wrong information more than once and i’ve had to jump in and correct her. which i guess she sees as disrespect but if you’re telling somebody we don’t sell this product and i know for a fact that we do do you really want me to just stand there? they are literally asking to give us their money and you’re telling them no. how does that help the store(i was right in every instance of this btw and we did have the product). and also this convo i had with the store director was nearly a week ago now and this woman still has not spoken a WORD to me!!! Like COME ON!!!

and anyway it’s just like. Honest to god SO ridiculous that they expect me to just be like. Yeah i’m ok with this whole situation. Yeah i’m fine watching you guys miscommunicate about me for 6 months before i MAYBE get promoted. and in the meantime i have to live off $17.25 an hour when everybody’s hours are getting cut and i live in a $1425-a-month shithole with no oven. Like literally NO!!!! this whole situation is bullshit!! and you guys know me very well as somebody who does not put up with bullshit! you are INSANE if you expect me to continue working here under these conditions!!! and i was like, “i feel like [favorite lead] was the only one who put any thought into this whole process at all.” and the store director was like Well we ALL thought about it and he was just the messenger. Ok but how come you didn’t give him half the messages then. how come the ideas about the position that he conveyed to me(good) did not match up with the ideas that you & this other lead apparently had for the position(bad). and see here’s the thing. i ask myself, who gave me 99% of the communication about this? And of course it was him. but then it’s like, even aside from this whole ordeal, who makes me feel valued as a team member? And i would have to say 95% of it was also him. and the other 5% was from other leads that don’t work here anymore. So like. there’s the answer right there. SAD!

#would i be good as a lead? literally yes. do i still want to be one? HELL NO!#my job wrapped

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myungodlyhour · 1 year

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Can we all just collectively agree that winter in the Midwest is hell like no other, like nothing compares.

We’re having a wicked severe winter storm right now that started yesterday and is supposed to last over the holiday weekend into Monday.

There’s pileups with 15+, even 50+ cars every hr.

There’s a state of emergency

Both of the major malls in my area closed early

DoorDash stoped deliveries

Hospitals are staying open by a thread

City buses are closing early

Some road commissioners are pulling their plow drivers off the road to keep them safe

Law enforcement is literally telling people to stay home

Majority of our roads are closed

And that’s not even half of it

Our newsroom is going crazy and our news director refuses to keep our reporters from outside even after our VIEWERS said they should be inside and voice their concerns because their faces are red, can only wear one glove because they need their phone to read their script, they’re squinting their eyes bc there’s a literal blizzard and the wind took off one of their hats like wtf

One of the members of my team (digital content/ web producers) posted to Facebook telling people to stay home bc he’s sick of writing about car crashes/pile ups even though he’s not supposed to and I’m pretty sure he got into some type of trouble. But like seriously, STAY HOME WHEN THERES SEVERE WEATHER WHEN YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE OUTSIDE.

I understand people unfortunately have to go to work and do t have the luxury to work remote when this type of weather happens (I luckily do, but fuck the employers who don’t allow that). Im not talking about them. Im talking about idiots who like to say it’s not that bad, and the literal surfers going surfing on the Great Lakes to catch a big wave. That’s so inconsiderate to emergency crews/ first responders, hospitals who are already slammed, and yes even news stations who have to write the 70th car crash or any other incident in the last 2 days because you feel entitled to have others suffer and come rescue you, putting them in harms way bc ure selfish and want to do whatever.

STAY HOME

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chloemew · 1 year

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I never actually posted about my Airport Adventure here did I...

Basically, I was supposed to be going to Sweden to see friends and help out with the TFConnect 2022 Winter TF2 Charity Stream. Only I made the mistake of going with Ryanair, so what should have been a painless “fly directly to Sweden from the UK late on Friday, go back home midday Monday” turned into:

- Sit in airport for 8 hours as the flight gets delayed and delayed and delayed and then cancelled at midnight

- Sit in airport for further 1-2ish hours as we join the crowd of disgruntled passengers flooding the Ryainair help desk to figure out wtf to do

- Have to pay out of pocket for another flight the next day with a different airline because Ryanair didn’t have any flights we could take that would get us there on the right day

- Get put up in an admittedly VERY nice hotel free of charge, but only get to enjoy it for an hour before having to go back to the airport for a 6 am flight

- Have said flight take off late due to having to de-ice the plane, meaning we land in Brussels with 15 minutes to catch the connecting flight, which we of course miss

- Manage to get ANOTHER flight for later on that we don’t have to pay for this time, but that also involves a connecting flight in Frankfurt (also we have to sit in the airport for several more hours on zero sleep and minimal food)

- Catch that plane no problem, power walk probably a full mile with the help of airport travellators to get to the gate for our connecting flight... only for it to turn out the connecting flight is delayed

- Get into Sweden late and miss the last coach into the town where the venue is because for SOME REASON they stop at 6 pm

- Have to sit in the airport for another 5 hours to wait for the midnight coach

We didn’t get in until 2 am and missed the ENTIRETY of the first day of the stream. The second day was fun and just getting to see my friends again was worth it honestly, but the travel woes didn’t stop there, because come Monday:

- Flight back was cancelled! Only available Ryanair flight we could swap to was for Friday!

- Pay out of pocket AGAIN for another flight for tomorrow that might not even run because of all the cold weather chaos going on in the UK caused by a cold snap

- Pay out of pocket to extend the hotel stay another night

- Get into airport fine, get to gate fine, flight is delayed but this one is direct to the UK so ~whatever~

- Get into the UK, have to sit on the plane for like half an hour after landing because the stairs to get off the plane haven’t even arrived yet and neither have the buses to take us into the airport (the pilots were lovely and very apologetic, they admitted the airport was in shambles and it was as frustrating for them as it was for the passengers)

- FINALLY get off the plane and thankfully am able to catch a lift home with my friend’s brother, the journey time of which is still several hours because we had to land in London and we are filthy Northerners

And then to top it all off, I’m like 95% sure that the reason I now have covid is because of that whole fiasco. I should’ve known I would’ve been one out of like, three people tops actually wearing a mask while travelling 🙃

#things I deem important enough to dedicate posts to

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cl0udpup · 1 year

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Big sigh

*Still figuring out moving over from Twitter to Tumblr, but for now, I'm just gonna flush out my threads here and see how that goes...*

Anxiety dreams

I had disturbing, surreal, End Of The World, running from cops, moving through portals, being broke and homeless, anxiety dreams all morning. Woke up with my neck stiff and swollen for the second day in a row, exhausted. I took a rapid last night, came out negative, but it's hard to trust testing now with new variants. I have allergy shots in an hour, and I really don’t wanna go, but I’m afraid of what will happen if I miss it. Last time I missed a week, I suffered with extreme hives and asthma symptoms.

...

I did it

I went to the shot. Still feeling like shit. Still testing negative for c19.

I’ve been staying up late the past few nights, so I’m sure that doesn’t help. Winter is really tough on my body (and mind.) The dry air makes my skin swell up, and I get all tense and hot. I couldn't manage to wear a coat outside, even though it's 30 degrees out, because it makes it so much worse once I go inside. They keep the hospital sooo warm.

I need to get a humidifier running in my office, but this room is like 80 sq ft, so I'm concerned about where it will go, it getting knocked over, or the water getting on my computer. I have cords allll over the floor bc I have no idea how to do cord management. But yeah, my sinuses are so incredibly dry and swollen, which is causing this headache I'm sure, and probably the stiff neck.

Adderall

Enough complaining... In more interesting news, today is my first day on Adderall, 10 mg XR. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to feel anything. I was feeling shitty *before* taking it, so all those symptoms above are unrelated. Although, if this causes any similar symptoms, not sure if I'll be able to tell it apart.

I guess one thing I noticed this morning; it was less excruciating waiting the 30 minutes required to stay at the hospital after my allergy shot. Usually I set a timer, check it exasperatingly every few minutes, pacing and sighing, literally feel like I'm being tortured waiting lol. It usually feels like an hour even tho it’s only half. I have no idea if the med could be helping with that restlessness so soon, but. Worth noting I suppose.

Trauma effects everything

I met with the new psychiatrist who prescribed it on Monday. She asked all the typical intake type questions, and went over my initial survey from the ADHD assessment. Again, the ADHD assessment really was not specific to ADHD, other than the awful computer button clicking bullshit test thing they made me do.

We only talked for around 45 minutes, but she gave me her opinion that she thinks I don't have bipolar. She thinks my hypomanic symptoms and mood swings/cycling were caused by trauma. Who’s to say, really. Trauma effects everything.

I have found I don’t always fit the mold for clinical diagnoses for conditions my symptoms point to. I especially don't fit them forever. Resilience has to be taken into account; learning skills, figuring out accommodations, medication, change of life circumstance.

However, I have, and do (based on past episodes) meet the criteria for bipolar 2, whether the assessment is nuanced enough to give a "correct" answer. Of course, diagnoses are more or less a matter of opinion.

I was also diagnosed with "unspecific mood disorder" & put on mood stabilizers (bipolar meds) as a young teen.

Some of my earliest memories are of being totally overwhelmed emotionally. I remember having what I now know of as anxiety in elementary school. I was officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety at age 12.

So what is it?

That's the question I've been searching for the answer for my entire life. Wtf is wrong with me, lol. I know trauma, neurodivergence, and the way those two play off each other must be at the root of everything.

Ultimately, all these sprinkles of symptoms make up an actual person, my actual life experiences, my struggles, my disabilities. I don't think it's simple enough to just slap a diagnosis on me and call it a day.

I know SSNI medication has helped me immensely in taking all the chaotic energy inside myself, and dampening down my viciously strong emotions. Before meds, I felt totally out of control. I felt I had no control over the insanity. My mood swings and sensory overwhelm thrashed me around like I was on a broken rollercoaster, ready to fly off the tracks at any moment.

BPD

Before starting trauma work, I fit the diagnosis for borderline. Leaving an abusive relationship, learning about attachment disorders, and understanding more about being neurodivergent helped me grow into a person who could have healthy relationships, and stop hurting myself.

Graduating from a DBT program when I was 18 helped as well, but looking back, the most helpful part was being part of a community. Sharing 8 hours a week with other traumatized teens, forming bonds, being vulnerable and supporting each other. That's what helped.

We never even talked about trauma as a force of destruction. We mostly learned how to channel our thoughts and behaviors into something less visibly disruptive and damaging.

We weren't validated and told "something awful happened to you, and it wasn't your fault, and it's not your fault that it made you hate yourself so much you want to destroy yourself and everything around you." I think we really needed that. I know I still need to hear that.

Chaos

I'm 30 now, and I still am no where near having all the answers. Finding the ADHD piece of the puzzle definitely puts a lot into perspective, but I don't know if it can account for everything. I do have hopes for medicating it.

My 20's were so chaotic. I had no idea if I would survive to where I am now. That being said, I made a lot of decisions that helped me survive when I needed to, things I said I'd deal with the consequences of later, and, later has finally caught up to me.

I used spending as a coping mechanism. I channeled a lot of my chaotic energy into work over the past decade. Before my body started shutting down on me, I worked alll the time, and made decent money. I bought into the whole credit score thing, got a bunch of credit cards, and maxed them all out. Yes, having a credit history helped me get things I needed, but mental illness put me in this mindset of "I'm probably gonna die soon, so I should just get what will make me happy right now."

Knowing now that I have ADHD, so much of this makes sense. I struggle with things like feeding myself, cleaning, staying on track, completing tasks, all the executive function bullshit. So, I've driven myself into debt buying things I thought could help me "get my life together."

Can't get myself to eat enough to not trigger a mood episode? I'll just order take out or go to the cafe every day. Can't keep the house from being a total mess? I'll buy every cleaning and organizing tool imaginable that might help inspire me to bring necessary order to my surroundings. Same thing for exercising, self care, literally just existing, I always thought if I could "just" find the right solution, all my problems would disappear and I could catch up to my peers who perpetually left me in the dust.

Don't even get me started on the spending sprees I've gone on in response to depression and suicidality. Feel like dying because understimulated? Let's book a trip for me and a companion where I'll pay for everything because I want to be loved. Feel like dying because overstimulation? Let's buy things to self soothe. It's a mess.

And so, life goes on

Now, this year, when I have my head on straight, and am no longer crushed and suffocated by abuse, or distracted by partying, my health took a nose dive. I have hardly been able to work at all this year. I've always been concerned with my ill health, but now more than ever I've been forced to focus on it solely. I'm committed. The only place I go these days is to appointments; three a week: therapy, allergy injections, and acupuncture.

I so desperately want to get my life together, once and for all. I truly hope I'm on the right track. All I can do is trust this is what I'm supposed to do.

#actually disabled #disability #depression #anxiety #adhd #actually adhd #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #bipolar #bpd #mentally ill #mental illness #follow me im new here #thanks for reading

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momzyalive · 4 months

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Day 2 [1/9/2024]

I'm getting this one out a little late, oopsie! hee hee! lol. I remembered to do my entry last night, but I had taken melatonin and was already starting to get there tired wise, and wasn't willing to use the brain power to turn my light on and think about what I wanted to say about the day, so I figured I would just write it tomorrow. I'm gunna get my entry about today tonight though! Promise!

Anyways, yesterday was not bad! I was super tired during the day, I haven't drank caffeine since monday, so I'm thinking that that might have to do with how tired I felt during a specific point at work, and then also when I got home. I tried watching Sopranos, but started to fall asleep once I laid out on the couch, and then somehow it was goddamn 9pm! I wasn't expecting to fall asleep until super late, so I'm glad the melatonin helped and I was asleep by I wanna say 12 or 1.

I wasn't happy being back with kids, cause obviously more work than PD, but I was really happy to see Collin. Even 6th grade was better than how they were acting with Abdallah at the end of winter break so that's nice. I'm happy that I'm getting sober and noticed a difference even when waking up, I felt a little more pep in my step when waking up for work. Idk might be purely anecdotal but felt really easy to get out of bed as opposed to lying back down or staring at my phone.

I was annoyed at Michael tonight. I don't think it was a very large ask for him to be present as I showed videos to him, and then he cops this big fuckin attitude like I'm holding him hostage or some shit. Like alright bro, you don't look at my messages, and I wanna laugh with you, but nah, its my problem that I want him to see videos, and then tries to tell me that I'm on my phone during shit he puts on. Idk man, I feel like I was trying to be accommodating, and watch the SLC shit with him, but when I asked him to lock in for two seconds it was like a big problem. I'm trying to give him grace because I know that being off weed is hard, but I mean. lol. He's always got passive aggressive energy and for lack of a better term, its fucking annoying. Like if you had a bad day, thats fine, lemme know so I can react accordingly. If not, then wtf I didn't do shit to you, why you gunna act pissy like its my fault you're in a shitty ass mood. Idk man, it was annoying. Idk man i'm just venting. Just one of Michael's shortcomings at times I suppose.

I didn't have as much scatterbrain or cravings when I got home which was great. I think I just needed that first day out of the way, and now it'll only get easier to steer the course. Here's to more of that, and more sobriety. It'll get better!

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audiovisualrecall · 4 months

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The mail pharmacy I get my humira from has decided to become a piece of shit. It used to be, in the week in between doses - I do one pre-filled pen injector dose every other week, each box has 2 pens in it - I would get a notification via call or text from the pharmacy telling me I could re-order my medication, and it would ship a few days or a week later depending on how close my next dose was (and I could get it overnight shipped as needed, and in fact most of the time it came like max 3 days after ordering!). Now all of a sudden I can't order the next box until after I have no doses left in the house, and in fact until a date at which I won't get the box until after after in supposed to take the next dose. And all they offer me is to speak to a pharmacist about what to do when youll miss a dose. Like fuck off, I'll ask my doctor if I have any concerns before I talk to the insurance company's mail pharmacy's pharmacist. About something THEY could prevent from happening! If only they would actually allow me to have my medication when I need it! Apparently the computer system now does not allow me to place my order even a week before I need it delivered! Even though, especially with a holiday coming, that makes the most fucking sense???? And they guys like yeah call backn on Wednesday and they can overnight it. Like uh huh, like they're gonna fucking do that. Most likely I'll find out I won't be able to get my medication until next week, when I need to take it on the 25th! AND last week I called and they let me move up my scheduled ship date to any time bwteeen the 15th and the 22nd, so of course I was like yea I'll take the earliest date if it allows it! And now that was Apparently an issue! But why did the first person tell me it was OK in the first place???? And why does that mean I can't NOW update the ship date to be later this week? Even if I didn't need it until next Friday it makes NO sense to not allow me to order it before the friday before!!!??? Especially bc it won't necessarily ship over the weekend AND ESPECIALLY WHEN NEXT MONDAY IS A HOLIDAY AS IS NEXT WEEKEND!!! WTF!! Can't they just fucking cancel that order, let me place a new order NOW to come this friday?????Friday?????? Why are they against me having a box of my medication a week before I need it when holidays are coming that could very well make it difficult to impossible to acquire my medication?????? You can't misuse or abuse humira! There is no danger in me having it early! Even if I had one still on hand, which I don't! Even if I take a dose too soon that is literally a Non-issue because it is sometimes prescribed to be taken weekly, and in fact I have had it given weekly before!

But also the app just says there's more information they need, which isn't what they told me on the call!

Also they didn't send me any notification this time at all about ordering it, the app didn't say anything when I placed it in the first place it just said I wouldn't get it until the 27th which is why I tried to move the date up in the first place, and the first person I spoke to last week had no problem adjusting the shipping date change to the 15th, the system didn't black out any dates except the 27th, it didn't even just only have the 22nd and 27th or something as available, it showed the 15th was an acceptable date to have it shipped! And again, I can place an order on the app as soon as a day or two after finishing the last dose on-hand, so WHY was the guy in the scheduling department suddenly unable to change the ship date at all and insisted I have to call back on WEDNESDAY??? Or Thursday????? And claimed they can overnight it??? Which I'm sure if I wait to call until wed/thurs, I'll be told that no, they CANT overnight it, because otherwise they WOULD HAVE OVERNIGHTED IT LAST TIME WHEN I ASKED FOR IT TO BE MOVED UP A FEW DAYS WHEN I ORDERED IT TOO LATE!!!! And they COULD NOT OVERNIGHT IT AT THE TIME!

I'm so ANGRY and I'm also so anxious and FRUSTRATED BEYOND BELIEF AT THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT

#i think the best bet is to just fucking #have my dr out in a NEW script for my med and put in the new prior auth etc and start over #maybe if shes willing to prescribe it as weekly dose and I'll just continue taking it every other week #i REALLY REALLY REALLY do not want to be in this position EVERY SINGLE TIME where i cannkt have a new box on hand as soon as ive finished #the previous box/last dose in that box #especially once i have to change health insurances!#like i NEED to have an extra box at least on hand during that changeover period in feb/march #each time

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monchouliz · 5 months

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Thursday December 7, 2023

Believe me, I was seriously about to write an entry on the 5th but got distracted and didn't realize it was already 3 something or 4 maybe so I just slept it out. I got lazy but I had a valid excuse, I was really tired. I even forgot what happened in these past few days. My head was hurting a lot too, I got soo dizzy often it was kind of frustrating, I even did something so embarrassing because of my dizziness that it made me want to kill myself.

Like I said I don't really remember what exactly happened so I'll just tell you what I remember. No specific dates though. Lol wait, I think I remember now. I scrolled through my gallery and saw the pictures with the dates so... I'll start with tuesday. Nothing really happened except we practiced and I slept inside the dance room, it was cold so it's nice. I thin I actually fell asleep or I was about to drift away when my damned bladder couldn't hold it in so I had to get up from my comfortable position to go piss, even met sir when I was about to go to the bathroom. He asked what we were doing, told him we were sleeping lmao. It was so awkward. Wait... what the fuck. I just had a realization, Ok so I think that didn't happen on Tuesday but instead happened on Monday, because I suddenly looked at my wallet log and realized that theres no classes yesterday so our performance was on Tuesday lmao. Fuck me, Im so sorry. See? I told you my headache was so bad it made me confuse reality. Well So yeah that's what happened on Monday.

Tuesday, it was a big day. I spent a total of 120 that day fuck me. It was a 50/50 situation for me, I was both sad and happy. On the mornings I felt fucking exhausted and I was constantly thinking of depressing things— just like how it is everyday, what the fuck is new. Shaina fucking annoyed me so much too, she won't just leave me alone she was annoying like hell. Of course I wouldn't talk back to her, I don't want to cause a fight ++ It would make me look fucking pathetic because that was only supposed to be a "joke". So yeah we performed the line dance, It was so hot, the sun was angry and glared at us. I felt like I was a marshmallow getting roasted. It was so embarrassing, I was like doing a lot of mistake it was both funny and embarrassing. If I was like on the back I wouldn't really mind but no— I was next to the person in front, basically the second one in line. The girl infront of me was short too, that made my mistakes so much more noticable it made me want to off myself. Well, after that we got ready for the opening. It was funny, I did my makeup there, which is very embarrassing but, I told myself I shouldn't give a fuck about them and did my make up. It was refreshing. We took lots of pictures but that damn bitch still won't send it so annoying. Yeah so I thought I looked fine myself, not that ugly but also not that pretty. Still, at least I looked decent to look at. It was funny performing that, It was sooo hot when we were waiting and then when it was out time, our performance was a mess! Kristina made soo many mistakes, Thank God I was behind someone tall (Not at all I'm so angry, at least let me be seen like wtf I'm being covered.. Fuck Sir jeff, he can fuck off) It was so funny I laughed when performing, she was such a mood booster, yeah I don't think Sir was having fun tho. he was definitely angry, too bad I didn't look at his expression. Well after that we just stayed in the dance room exhausted and laughing. Fast forward, I went to the booth with Tina, Sam and their cheerleader teams. It wasn't fun at all so I had to back out I was feeling out of place, So I hurried back to dance room and found jhamire and Alexis. They asked me if I wanted to join them so I did, I told them to wait a bit because my stomach hurts (I bought a 30php red tea and ran on the way there). And then jhamire told me "tumakbo ka siguro" I replied, "Oo, ang daming lalaki e" I think he said something like "feeling" or something I forgot, then I told him that "Ano? kahit pangit naman nababastos ng mga lalaki ah" and then he replied "Sinabi ko bang pangit ka?" WELL he didn't say it but he was implying like I wasn't even that attractive for guys to hit on me and become assholes because I was ugly. Does he think I'm pretty or what? I don't know, it made me upset. But anyways we went there and Alexis and I had to go back in the dance room because it was so hot and crowded and jhamire was talking with his other friends so.. And then I waited for a moment and went home. By the way I chose to do the long ride, It would take too much time to wait for jeeps so I had to. When I was getting on it was still moving a bit so I fucking slipped, that damned driver. Thank goodness a kind lady grabbed my hands and helped me get on, fuck the driver seriously it was so fucking embarrassing. I bought chicken skin btw, so yummy.

Nothing happened on Wednesday, I literally just chilled and lazed around. Now Thursday, today, I finally cleaned my room. I spent the whole fucking day cleaning it and having mental break downs in between I wanted to like destroy everything in my sight I was so pissed. Gtg, I'm going to piss lol and take a shower I'm like so nasty right now and I smell bad.

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bl6ckr0s3 · 1 year

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Financial Struggles continues....

So Joshua just quit his job at the Johnny Cash Museum. I sort of wish he didn't even accept the job, but they don't have a stable schedule. Their schedule is all over the place, and the manager strictly pointed out that he doesn't care about church. I can understand why people come in and out of that place now because maybe they don't cater as much to the employee's needs otherwise maybe they might be lucky enough to land some long term employees. Joshua knows and wants to do better attending our worship services at our church, so that's the reason he quit so fast there.

He found an add on Craigslist for a custodial job for this one company. Supposedly it's going to be a Mon-Fri day shift which is perfect for him. Now he needs to be there tomorrow by 10am to turn in his application and process his employment because they will start him on Monday. The company is here in town, but it looks like he's going to be cleaning up trash at a UPS corporation. Well, I surely hope he will keep this job for a good while. They are paying slightly more than the museum jobs so more money, the better right now since I been needing his financial support to help me for a long time now. He's not been able to keep his jobs for long because of his pickiness and struggles of dealing with other people or super picky management.

Jesus, if it's not one thing it's after another. I seem to continue to find a long list of things to add to a negative review I will be giving on the Drake Inn. It's supposed to be raining today and tomorrow and possible Saturday. It was raining really really hard earlier and the fucking water literally just leaked underneath our front door and our floor was partially wet. I felt it when I went to grab some stuff from my gym bag sitting on top of the dresser near the front door after I got out of the shower. I felt water on the floor and we were like wtf??? We had to grab a towel and just keep it underneath the front doorway for now while it's going to be raining on and off tonite. Like I mentioned before, I won't be giving a negative review on this place or awhile until I know for sure that we won't ever have to return back to this place. I mean it's really bad. I'll show you a sample of my negative review that I will leave for them when the time comes when we find a more permanent better place to live in here in Nashville. Since Joshua is supposed to be starting his new job next Monday, we need to make sure we come up with enough money to get a room at the weekly hotel right by my job so that I can just walk over there or walk back and not have to worry about needing my car to get back and forth. It's very convenient since it's close to my job if we were to rent a room from the Extended Stay hotel across the street at the end of the block.

Joshua's mother has been helping us financially with money while we been out here to make sure we had enough for our stay until we are able to financially get back on our feet. It's been hard especially thinking about a lot of the stuff that I had to leave behind at that fucking apartment in North Hollywood. I never thought I was gonna end up throwing so much stuff away especially leaving behind my computer cases and motherboards and shit. I spent so much money on that stuff and now it's gone. Well, it wasn't working so I guess it's not much of a loss now because those things had only been sitting in my room these last few years. I never had time, money, or energy to get it back up and running.

Here is a review I have typed up for the Drake Inn Motel that I have not posted online yet. It may be months before I decide to post it, but it's just so bad that it needs to be posted. It's nothing against the staff because they had been wonderful to us with their service. It's the condition of the fucking place that's really went downhill. Here's what I have so far:

"I'm not giving a 5 star review since the room needs a lot of work or a 1 star because of the good staff here. Me and my boyfriend came to this motel because the original hotel we booked our room for was never reserved for us as promised. We paid for a week of stay a month's in advance because we were planning to move down here to Nashville, TN from Los Angeles, CA. We even made a phone call and spoke to the supervisor at the place to make sure that we were going to be ok if we arrived later than the check in time because of the severe weather conditions on the way.

We were traveling 2,000 miles all the way there and we ended up not being helped by a man who was working at the desk during the night hours. He said there was a room available for somebody else, but it wasn't for us because he didn't receive any paperwork of our information. Was that our fault? No, of course not, but the supervisor was not there to help us because majority of the businesses close on Sundays because of their honoring Sunday as a holy day for church. We traveled all that way and not have a room reserved all that time because the guy had overbook the hotel rooms of course so we were pretty much screwed. We drove to a motel nearby so we ended up here at the Drake Inn. My boyfriend wanted to stay here originally because it was known as a filming location for "The Thing Called Love". We didn't realize all the negative reviews this place has gotten until we been staying here for awhile. Their rates are a good deal, but you know what they say, you pay for what you get.

Like I mentioned before the staff was very kind and welcoming and was understanding of our situation with HomeTown Studios. We were thankful for the good rate we were charged since a lot of other hotels were a bit more expensive. We are trying to get back on our feet because we no longer was able to afford to live and survive in California, so we didn't have a choice, but to stay here until we were able to get to a better place. I understand the staff is not responsible for the maintenance of the hotel, but we really don't understand why the owner can't take better care of a historical place? If I owned this place, I would make sure it was well taken care of especially for it being a historical place. It's really sad. A lot of the complaints I have read on the reviews were true about the rooms. We have killed every cockroach that has crossed our path in the room we stayed, probably at least 8-10 within the 3 weeks we now been staying here for. The room is extremely outdated, one of the light covers in the room were missing, somebody took a plastic bag and covered over a spot on the high part of the wall where the smoke detector use to be located, the bed comforter and sheets are old with stains and burnt holes from cigarrettes, there are stains on the floor and on the mattresses that was never cleaned, there is a big hole on the bathroom door, the bathroom door doesn't shut all the way because the door hinges look like they are not aligned, the bathroom ceiling looks like somebody repainted over it and it is a huge glop of whatever they put on and wasn't done right, the toilet water keeps running like the toilet needs to be replaced or there's a bad part that doesn't retain water in the toilet where you can actually flush it normally, and the towels are thin and worn out like they are also very old. In our current financial situation, this is what we had to settle for until we go to a better place since we need to save up for our own place since our move down here. This part of the town is somewhat ghetto, but it could've been worse. My original job facility came from South Central of Los Angeles, so I definitely have seen a lot worse. This location is not far from downtown. The last thing we wouldn't have expected is when there is a big storm raining down, the water had leaked on the floor right near the front door entrance.

We had to grab a towel from the bathroom and leave it on the floor to soak up the rain water, but thankfully the water didn't get to our stuff that was laying by the dresser in the room not far from the door. We are thankful the microwave and fridge at least works. For our budget, this is what we got, but I had never stayed at a hotel that was this bad in condition in my life. This place deserves to be better cared for."

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I am tired of struggling with money. I know me and Josh had only been in Tennessee for 3 weeks. It's going to take some time to get settled down. I truly hope we can get our own place in less than 6 months. We haven't attended church service in the past 2 weeks because of all the Holy Supper schedules going on with the churches. We weren't able to attend the preparation because of my work schedule. I wouldn't be able to travel to Memphis and then be able to make it back to work on time in Nashville. They are very limited in the church services here in these states which is the only thing that sucks. They don't have a locale for Nashville, only an extension at somebody's house. Their real WS are held in Huntsville, AL. We don't want to have anything to do with Alabama which is the reason we registered our locale in Memphis, TN instead. That town is 3 hours away from Nashville. The houses and cost of living there is very very cheap. I wouldn't be surprised if we ended up getting a house down there, especially if Joshua ever gets a job at Graceland down there. I dunno what's gonna happen yet, but I can feel that our lives will slowly come into place because I had been seeing some things work out in our favor since the moment I got the job transfer approved back last fall. Knowing that we were already struggling financially in California and Josh had been dying to come live in Tennessee, now we got our wish. We just need financial help to get through these weeks until we are able to afford our own permanent home. God help us.

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