Best (Fake) Boyfriend
Requested Here!
Pairing: David 'Deacon' Kay x fem!reader
Summary: When you receive unwanted attention at a fancy restaurant, a handsome SWAT sergeant pretends to be your boyfriend to help you.
Warnings: pushy man is pushy and mean. Deacon is perfect and pretty. reader isn't rich (not necessarily poor, just usually unable to afford the vacation she's on). lots of fluff!! there's also a Psych reference and if you find it, we should be friends
Word Count: 2.0k+ words
Picture from Pinterest
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“It’ll be fun!” your best friend insists.
“I don’t know,” you reply.
“It’s just a weekend. This is the hottest resort in LA and we’re never going to be able to afford it again. Besides, it’s an Uber ride away, if you hate it after the first night, just go home. We wouldn’t hold that against you, swear.”
Closing your eyes, you nod. The small group of friends surrounding you cheers. After they force you to pack a bag, you find yourself in the back of an Uber driving through Beverly Hills.
“How did you get a room here again?” you ask.
“I got an insane discount voucher when I went to the grand opening of that new organic restaurant in Santa Monica!”
“And we’re just spending a weekend in the resort? Swimming, relaxing,” you trail off, unsure if you believe the lack of ulterior motives.
“Yeah,” your best friend answers, “plus rich men from the Hills.”
The Uber driver rolls his eyes, and you can’t blame him... not at all.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Save a whole school full of evacuees and you get a dinner reservation at a Beverly Hills resort,” Street muses. “I knew there was a reason I liked this gig.”
“You do know that place will be crawling with rich, single women,” Hicks begins.
“Yeah, we do,” Tan and Street cheer together.
“And badge bunnies,” Hicks finishes.
Street shrugs, and Deacon and Hondo shake their heads.
“Do we have to attend?” Deacon asks.
“Why? Got better plans?” Street asks.
“A night in the hills isn’t everyone’s idea of a fun time, playboy,” Hondo answers. Deacon nods his agreement.
“Yes, you have to go. Mayor’s going to be there tonight, too. Every week like clockwork,” Hicks answers.
“Hey, Deac,” Street calls as they walk out. “What’s the real problem?”
“Just seems like a materialistic, money-based approximation of the worth of the lives we saved,” Deacon answers. “The mayor’s office just implied all those lives are worth approximately $650.”
“Those meals are over $125 each?” Luca gapes. “Sorry, I know that’s not the point.”
“It’s not the first or last time we’ll receive a monetary thank you, but at some point it becomes more about the reward after the job than the job itself,” Deacon adds.
“Maybe we’ll be there for a reason,” Luca offers. “But I get what you’re saying. We are focused on the job, and that’s all we can control.”
“Then I guess we should clean up. Places like that frown upon dirt covered tactical uniforms."
"Their loss; this is my best look,” Street jokes.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Um, I can’t afford to look at this menu,” you say, pushing it back onto the table. “Maybe I should go find a diner or something.”
“It’s included,” your best friend whispers. “But we’re trying to play the part, so sit up and feel as good as you look in that outfit.”
Sighing, you straighten your shoulders, picking up the outrageously priced menu again and trying not to let your shock show. Indeed, you’ll never live like this again, but you’re not sure you’d want to even if you could.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Would it be wrong for me to say there’s one for each of us?” Street asks, glancing over his menu.
“Yes,” Deacon, Hondo, and Luca reply in unison.
“They’re women, not suits, Street,” Deacon adds.
“Think I could land one?” Street asks.
“Playboy,” Hondo sighs. “You don’t have enough game for half of one of those women, kid.”
“Really? ‘Cause the one in the blue’s lookin’ over here.”
“Probably at Deacon,” Luca says, keeping his eyes on the menu.
“Right,” Deacon agrees sarcastically. “I- honestly, I don't know what's in most of these foods, so one of you order for me.”
He sets his menu down, his gaze wandering to the table of women Street was talking about. One of them catches his attention, and when the four other women get up, giggling as they walk toward the bathroom, he decides he’s looking at a kindred soul.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Mind if I sit here for just a moment? My friends are running late, and the reservation is under another name,” a man explains, smiling as he looks at you.
“Uh, I don’t think-“
“Thanks,” he says, cutting you off as he sits beside you.
“My friends are coming right back,” you state. “So, you should find somewhere else to wait.”
“Sounds like you have time to kill, and I do, too. What’s your name?”
You don’t answer, fiddling with the bottom of the tablecloth as you watch the doorway for your friends to return.
“I can’t imagine someone ditching you.”
The man leans into your peripheral vision, and you turn your head away. When his hand brushes against your covered hip, you stand quickly.
“I told you that I didn’t want to talk, so you should find your way to your own table before I come back,” you say lowly before walking to the balcony entrance.
✯✯✯✯✯
Deacon tunes out his teammates as he watches a man sit beside you. Your obvious discomfort makes him eager to help. He stops at the thought that one uninvited man in your personal space is likely more than enough.
“Deac?” Hondo asks. “Oh,” he adds when he looks at what is so worthy of Deacon’s attention.
“Didn’t think he still had it in him,” Luca whispers to Hondo.
Deacon stands suddenly, his attention on your back as you walk onto the balcony. Hondo notices that the man beside you looks angry, and when he jostles the table in his haste to follow you, he knows why Deacon is so invested.
“Go help her out, Deac, we got your back,” Hondo says.
Deacon nods wordlessly, buttoning his blazer as he follows in your footsteps. His team looks on, sure that Deacon has control of the situation but is prepared to jump in if the situation calls for it.
“Deacon comes back with her glued to his side or that starry far-away look in his eye,” Luca announces. “Trust me.”
“My money’s on the first one. You see how she relaxed the moment her friends left? She’s just like him,” Tan points out.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Looks like you found your way to my table, too,” the man says behind you.
When you turn to face him, you step back. His jaw is tight, and his eyes look darker than they did inside.
“Change your mind about spending time with me, girlie?”
With your side to the door, you notice someone walk out, but don’t expect an arm to circle your waist a moment later.
“Hey, babe,” the man says. “What’s going on? Came back to the table and you were gone.”
Looking up at him, you sigh at the sight of his large, kind eyes. Trusting him, you relax against his side, raising a hand to press against his sternum.
“Sorry, handsome. This guy was waiting for his friends,” you explain.
“You need help finding your table or somethin’? This is a nice place, I’m sure they can help with that.”
The man clenches his fists at his side, looking between you and the man holding you to his side.
“Or do you need a different kind of help?”
The hand on your hip tightens, his touch still gentle as his voice drops. He’s defending you, angry for you, and though you don’t know why, you’re grateful.
“No, I’m good. Your ‘babe’ here might want to learn some manners, though.”
You press your hand against your guy’s chest when he tries to follow the man inside. Whispering your name to distract him, you sigh when his attention returns to you.
“I’m Deacon,” he replies. “Sorry for grabbing you.”
“Don’t apologize. Thank you. I don’t know what I was thinking walking out here alone.”
Your hand is still spread over his chest, his arm around your waist, and his hand rubbing soft circles on your hip. You know the moment has to end, but your desperation to draw it out outweighs your logic.
“Well, thank you, Deacon. You’re a great boyfriend; I’m sure there’s a very happy woman somewhere.”
Deacon’s hand moves to your waist as you move back, and he quickly raises the other to stop you.
“There is no happy woman,” he responds. “I just- how often do you have to deal with stuff like that?”
“Not very often. Most guys get the idea, even if it takes a few tries. Never had to be saved like this before.”
Deacon sighs, disappointed either in you or the situation. You hope it’s the situation, and Deacon can practically read your mind.
“I’m a SWAT sergeant, and we have to watch for crossfire,” he begins.
You nod with furrowed brows, confused as to where this is going.
“I just will never understand how some men are so okay with not caring how many women they hurt in pursuing their own… whatever it is they’re looking for.”
“How? How is there no lucky woman?” you ask softly. “Between the kindness and the poetic speeches, you’re just begging to get snatched up.”
Deacon drops his chin, shaking his head as he smiles.
“Why’d you follow me?” you ask.
“You were uncomfortable. I noticed you before he sat down, and then when you stood up so fast I couldn’t just sit there. Especially when he followed you.”
“Then you can tell I don’t fit in here.”
“I can,” Deacon agrees before whispering, “because I don’t either.”
“Could you maybe ditch your friends?” you ask. “Let me call you handsome for a while longer?”
“You seem a bit too pleased to have a fake boyfriend who only came out here to scare somebody off.”
“Because my fake boyfriend is better than any real one I’ve ever had.”
Deacon smiles, pulling you against him. “I have to stay for dinner, it’s a work thing. But if you’re still up for pet names later, and tomorrow, and for a good, long while, I think we can work something out.”
“I will be.”
“Have your phone?”
You pull your phone from your pocket, unlock it, and hand it to him. He keeps one hand on your side as he adds his contact, sending himself a text with your name. After he returns your phone, he sighs.
“The moment’s over?” you ask.
“The moment is on hold,” Deacon corrects.
“Enjoy your work dinner. I’m going to go have a free dinner and listen to my friends pretend they belong here.”
“Feel free to sit at my table if you need a break. I’m sure they’re talking about you already. Trying to decide if I’ll actually act on my feelings or just come back in alone and puppy-like.”
You smile, slowly separating yourself from Deacon. Walking in first, he holds the door for you, and you brush your knuckles against his hand before returning to your table. As you sit, your eyes stray to Deacon and never leave.
✯✯✯✯✯
“That little hand thing counts, right?” Tan asks.
“Counts for what?” Deacon inquires as he sits.
“I thought you’d come back with your arm around her.”
“We’re, uh, we’re gonna keep talking later.”
“Atta boy, Deac!” Luca cheers.
“Why didn’t you invite her over?” Hondo asks. “This may be a work thing, but that doesn’t mean it has to be boring.”
“I did. If she gets tired of her friends, she’ll be over.”
“Yeah,” you interject, pausing at the corner of their table. “I’m tired of my friends and your table seems like a better fit.”
Street, Luca, and Tan rush to pull a chair over for you, arguing over who gets the credit. You laugh at their antics as Deacon tells you everyone’s names.
“Nice to meet you. And thanks for letting me crash your dinner,” you say.
“So, what do you think of our Deacon here?” Luca asks, smiling kindly.
“I think he’s great,” you answer honestly. Turning toward him, you whisper, “And handsome.”
“Are pet names our thing now?” he asks.
“Hey, you started it, babe.”
Deacon dips his chin before his eyes rise to yours, and you think ‘beautiful’ might be a better fit for him. Luckily, he promised plenty of time to try all the pet names you can think of.
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Hey! I’m super enjoying your pro-Joey Friends phase. It was my favorite show for a long time.
You had a GREAT post about how that relationship really grew and matured both Joey and Rachel’s characters, and I want to add that the fizzling of that relationship also DESTROYED Joey’s character.
Joey finally falling in love - real love - with Rachel made him see the hollow/shallow reality of his womanizing ways. His parents’ dysfunctional marriage really affected him early on in the series, and I head canon that he felt safe with Rachel. They developed that trust from living together. She was a person he’d never tire of the way that his father tired of his mother and sought out someone else.
When things didn’t work out with Rachel, the writers infantalized him. For laughs. Monica and Chandler joked that they’d have to have a room for him at their new house so they could take care of him forever because he couldn’t take care of himself. A grown man. Who had a good job and lived on his own since his 20’s.
If anyone should’ve been stuck in neutral forever, it was Ross. He was self-destructive from the start (Carol destroyed him and he never got over it and kept hurting other people because of it) and it would’ve been so satisfying to see him just stay in NY and raise his son and be a confirmed old bachelor. He had the temperament for being alone.
Oh! And one more thing: Joey was the first one to step up and offer to be committed to Rachel to help her raise Emma, and even tho Rachel turned him down, he ended up doing it anyway because Ross drove her away.
Anyway, I haven’t thought about all of this in a long time! But it’s been a lot of fun to read your takes and analysis. ☺️
Hi!!
Okay oh my gosh YES to all of this. OH the essays I could write.
I actually went through this exact same phase many years ago, and hadn't watched Friends in a while, so now just speeding through the entire series in a couple months, it's really giving me a different perspective than I had the first time. I'm also quite a bit older (you know how people change so much from late teen years to early twenties? It's crazy) and I have a different frame of reference for all the issues these characters deal with, since a lot of them have become my own issues now. There's so much nuance I didn't pick up on the first time around.
You are so right about Joey's character deteriorating after season 9. It's like the writers didn't know what to do with him except continuing his infamous saga of being an immature, stupid womanizer. He has no character development in season 10. Nothing pushing him ahead, nothing to look forward to like the other 5. Monica and Chandler having their babies and moving, of course, Rachel getting the Paris job offer, Phoebe and Mike getting married. What's in all this for Joey? Jokes about him being possessive of food and regressing back to how he was five or six seasons ago.
Infantilizing is absolutely the perfect word. Of all the friends, I would say Joey had the biggest development in the shortest amount of time, with Rachel right there with him. He was immediately ready to step up when she told him she was pregnant, without giving it any kind of second thought. In fact, he begged her to stay and live with him when she was so sure he would hate the idea. He was there with her at every turn, when she was scared about the braxton hicks, when she had so much anxiety about being a single mom, and especially when she missed going on dates and he made the perfect pseudo-boyfriend.
He absolutely felt safe with her, probably more than anyone he'd ever known. They're so similar in so many ways and he'd been living with her for years. Rachel couldn't even live with Ross for a year, or probably less (the timeline isn't super clear, let's be honest lol). She and Joey finally fell into this relationship built on an incredible foundation of trust and friendship (just like two other friends we all know and love), but they broke up because......???? of Ross? Or something? They were so perfect for each other, the writers had to bumble their way through a breakup in the weirdest way possible.
And then how do they treat Joey in season 10? Like he's the dumbest person who's ever existed. I get that he's not the sharpest crayon in the box, but they play up the stupid factor by about a thousand, and it's infuriating. I've always said he's the emotionally intelligent one of the group, but not even that is really shown in season 10. He flunks at the Pyramid game, he doesn't realize he's not speaking French, digs are made at his character, like you said with Monica and Chandler having a "Joey room" in their house. Sweet idea, horrible insinuation.
I mean, the man is in his mid-thirties. He's been through more life than Ross, for sure. I specifically remember watching that episode recently with Joey's parents and thinking how mature he was, how protective of his mom. And how angry he was at his dad, and insistent that he make things right with Ma. He's had to fight tooth and nail for a place in the world of showbusiness. He's had to watch all his friends find love and settle down and get everything they've ever wanted, while he's been in love exactly once in his entire life. He's grown and matured and when his best friend was pregnant, he realized that he actually wants to settle down and have a family. I mean, what level of growth and maturity does it take to realize that?
In earlier seasons, his demeanor was totally different. I don't even recognize season 10 Joey. They had to kill his very essence to explain their breakup.
And yeah, like you said. I think they wrote Ross into a storyline that -- if we're being realistic -- can only end with him being a bachelor and working at the university. He's never been able to live with anyone. He was a terrible roommate for Joey and Chandler, and he and Rachel couldn't last. Not only is he self-destructive, but he's destructive to everyone around him.
What kind of world do we live in where Joey "my god, she is... beautiful" Tribbiani doesn't get a happy ending, and Ross "we were on a break" Geller does??
Anyway, there's the essay for the day. My mind kind of ran away with me and I probably have more to say and maybe I'll organize my thoughts someday, but I'm watching season 10 as we speak and I'm just so. so sad. about how it all turned out. But I'll just live in AO3 Land and pretend Rachel and Joey raise their little family and grow old together and Ross stagnates and continues his precious tenure.
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Name Duplicates
Figured I should make a proper post with all the name duplicates. I’ll update periodically as we get new casts. Just counting queens right now, but I’ll probably add LiW eventually.
6
Lauren/Loren/Lorren (Drew, Irving, Santo-Quinn, Byrne, Hunter, Mariasoosay)
5
Ellie (Sharpe, Wyman, Grant, Elysia Cruz, Eloise Lord)
Jasmine/Jaz (Shen, Forsberg, Hackett, Smith, Robinson)
Meg/Megan/Meghan (Gilbert, Leung, Dawson, Dixon Brasil, Corbett)
4
Courtney (Stapleton, Mack, Bowman, Monsma)
Gabriella/Gabriela/Gabbi/Gabi (Stylianou-Burns, Francesca Carrillo, Mack, Boumford)
Hana/Hannah (Stewart, Taylor, Lowther, Lawton)
3
Abigail/Abbi/Abby (Sparrow, Hodgson, Mueller)
Adrianna/Adriana (Hicks, Scalice, Glover)
Amy/Ami/Aimie (Atkinson, Bridges, di Bartolomeo)
Danielle (Steers, Rose, Mendoza)
Erin/Aryn (Palmer Ramirez, Bohannon, Caldwell)
Jessica/Jessie/Jess: 3 (Niles, Bodner, Davidson)
Julia/Giulia (Pulo, McLellan, Marolda)
Maddie/Maddi/Mads (Bulleyment, Firth, Fansler)
Maiya/Maya/Amaya: 3 (Christian, Quansah-Breed, White)
Nicole (Kyoung-Mi Lambert, Lamb, Louise Lewis)
Sophie (Golden, Isaacs, -Rose Middleton)
Taylor: 3 (Iman Jones, Pearlstein, Sage Evans, plus Kelly Denice and Hannah if you count surnames)
2
Amanda: 2 (Lindgren, Lee)
Amelia: 2 (Millie O’Connell, Atherton)
Ashleigh/Ashlee: 2 (Weir, Waldbauer)
Caitlin/Caitlyn: 2 (Tipping, De Kuyper)
Casey: 2 (Esbin, Al-Shaqsy)
Cassy/Cassie: 2 (Lee, Silva)
Chelsea: 2 (Wargo, Dawson)
Chloe: 2 (Zuel, Hart)
Christina/Cristina: 2 (Modestou, D’Agostino)
Elena: 2 (Gyasi, Breschi)
Eloise: 2 (Sharpe, Lord)
Emily: 2 (Harrigan, Rose Lyons)
Grace: 2 (Melville, Mouat)
Harriet: 2 (Watson, Caplan-Dean)
Holly/Holli’: 2 (Musgrave, Conway)
Janice/Janique: 2 (Rijssel, Charles)
Jennifer: 2 (Caldwell, Kim Ji-woo)
Kelly: 2 (Sweeney, Denice Taylor)
Kennedy/Kenedy: 2 (Monica Carstens, Small)
Kristina: 2 (Walz, Leopold)
Laura: 2 (Blair, Dawn Pyatt)”
Lexi/Lexie: 2 (McIntosh, Kim Ji sun)
Lucy/Lucia: 2 (Aiston, Valentino)
Maddison: 2 (Bulleyment, Firth)
Natalie: 2 (May Paris, Pilkington)
Olivia: 2 (Alexander, Donalson)
Rachel/Rae: 2 (Rawlinson, Davenport)
Sydney/Cydney: 2 (Parra, Clark)
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