#mwah i love you eddie

[buck2eddie]

the hardest part is knowing when to let go / happy birthday @buckleyseddie <3

#ANDDDDD ANOTHER ONE <3 #cause you deserve a 5sos one as well!!! #i thought about doing ghost of you cause it's your favorite but i was struggling with how to do it without being TOO depressing #couldn't do it so i went with babylon which i know you also love so <333 #mwah happy birthday love youuuuuu #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddieedit #911 #911 abc #911edit #lyrics #m*edits #the 5sos/911 agenda continues!

[bidisasterevankinard]

Cover by @ronordmann 💙💙💙

I love you (all the ways possible)

buddie / T / 8814 words

“I love you,” Buck says softly with his eyes closed and a smile, enjoying the aftertaste of the first sip, but then he abruptly opens his eyes and turns to the shocked Eddie.

“I-I mean like a friend. Platonically. You - you my best friend, Eddie. And I never had one. I’m sorry if it’s strange. It’s probably strange. I'm just, you know, a really emotional person and …”

“I love you too, man,” Eddie cuts his explanations that were already turning into panic.

or, 5 times Buck and Eddie say "I love you" platonically, 1 time Buck says it and Eddie doesn't know it's not platonic, 1 time Eddie says it and Buck doesn't know it's not platonic, and 1 time they both now it's not platonic

Happy happy birthday to my love @alyxmastershipper

I wish you all the best and hope you will love this 💕💕💕

#I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RYAN MWAH MWAH MWAH #my fics #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #evan buck buckley

[sunshinediaz]

tease tidbit tuesday 🫧

hi friends, i'm procrastinating doing my fema courses in favor of watching season 4 <3 have a lil bit of eddie vs the hoa

It’s just—Buck is big and it kind of drives Eddie a little crazy.  Like? God, okay. He’s a little stupid over it. You’ll have to forgive him.  He is so big, right, larger than Eddie and Eddie isn’t a small guy. He’s filled out since finishing his probationary year, settling in his career and getting comfortable in the life he chose for himself and Chris. He’s more functional muscle than big gains; his stomach’s soft, protected by a sweet layer of fat, but his core’s solid and his arms are twice the size they used to be when he was twenty-seven.  See? He isn’t small.  But, like, Buck’s just bigger, wider and broader and thicker, and there’s something so delicious about having somebody that large at his mercy, at his every beck and call. Buck has this quality about him, no matter his size, like he’s always ready to drop to his knees and let himself be taken care of, and it has Eddie’s head buzzing in a way that most definitely isn’t from the beer. 

tagged by @wikiangela, @jeeyuns, @devirnis, @disasterbuckdiaz, and @daffi-990 <3

tagging @spagheddiediaz, @puppyboybuckley, @evanbegins, @honestlydarkprincess, @exhuastedpigeon, @thewolvesof1998, @theotherbuckley, and @monsterrae1 if any of you wanna share!

#i've got 4 tests to take/procedures to read #and you know what? watching jinx eddie is one of my favorites but i don't think we talk about bobby and eddie's dynamic enough #what the fuck do you MEAN mr eddie told bobby word for word 'i'm not over her' in reference to shannon when they were #discussing ana and then a few episodes later eddie has a panic attack because somebody assumed ana was his wife? #eddie's story with grief (over shannon and himself together and separate) is so quiet and so glorious and so beautiful #i can't get over it? he loved shannon so much and god. GOD. he tried to move on and he wasn't ready but he had fun #he had so much fun with ana until it wasn't anymore and then. and then GOD. GOD? #i'm gonna have a little fit if i'm not fuckin careful? #and the way eddie's like 'you of all people should understand' and bobby's like 'i do that's why i'm telling you' #the bobby and eddie parallels here my god :) #also buck running and falling after brian the impersonator is never not going to make me laugh #mwah #tag games

[ghosttotheparty]

a mess of holy things 13 also on ao3 // prev // next cw: brief meltdown; subdrop/panic attack during sex; death of guardian (not wayne don’t worry); grief; mentions of child abuse & childhood trauma

“No, I’m just saying you’re turning into a slut,” Robin says lightly, her voice garbled from the gummy bear between her teeth as she tears its head off. She’s laying on her bed with her legs up against the wall, her hair spread around her head.

Steve rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I know.”

“How many times have you had sex now?” she asks, rolling her head to look at him, nibbling at the body of the gummy bear now. He shrugs.

“I don’t know. A few.”

She raises her eyebrows.

He raises his back.

“Is it good?” Robin asks lightly, reaching back to the bag of gummy bears that’s resting on her belly. “You’re not getting bored of it?”

Steve scoffs, his head falling back against the wall.

“God, no. Don’t think I could get bored of it.”

She hums for a moment, looking at the ceiling.

“Maybe the guy I was with was just really bad,” she says thoughtfully, and Steve lets out a laugh. “Because it was real boring.”

“Have you considered having sex with a woman?” Steve questions sarcastically.

“Oh, yes, I have,” she says. Steve giggles, reaching over to take some gummy bears. “I just need a woman that also wants to have sex with me.”

“Hm.”

They’re quiet for a moment, and Steve thinks. He doesn’t know very many women.

“Is Nancy dating Jonathan?” he wonders aloud abruptly. “Or like…”

“Honestly, I have no idea,” Robin says. “I keep thinking she’s dating Jonathan, but then Argyle will come over and kiss her to say hi, and then Nancy wears one of Jonathan’s shirts but she’s got Argyle hair ties around her wrist… I don’t know.”

“You don’t wanna just ask?”

“Eh.” She shrugs. “Not really a big deal. They’re all happy, you know?”

Steve hums and looks at the ceiling again. He thinks some more. Maybe Chrissy is single.

They’d like each other, he thinks. They’re both silly, funny in their own ways, and they don’t really match exactly, Robin’s rough flannels and mismatched socks and choppy hair that she cut with scissors in her own bathroom compared to Chrissy’s frilly blouses and manicured nails and pink lipstick. But Steve has a feeling they’d like each other.

“Do your parents know about you?” he asks after a moment. She’s quiet.

“Yeah.”

He looks at her. She isn’t eating the gummy bears anymore, but she’s holding one in her fingers, squeezing and squishing it, brushing it against her lips absently.

“How did that go?” he asks quietly.

She sighs heavily, clearing her throat.

“Uh…” Another exhale. “I don’t know. I just told them at dinner one night. Kinda randomly, I just… couldn’t keep it hidden anymore.”

“What did they say?”

Robin looks at the ceiling blankly.

“‘…Don’t tell Grandma.’”

Steve blinks, waiting for her to continue, but she just lifts the gummy bear to her mouth and tears its head off with her teeth.

“That’s it?”

“Mhmm.” She takes another breath. “We don’t talk about it. It just kinda hangs out with us, I guess.”

He looks across the room and thinks some more. About what it might be like if his parents knew. If the fact just dangled around their heads, unaddressed, ignored. If they could do that, just ignore what they would surely despise.

“Are you gonna tell your parents?” Robin asks softly, like she can read his fucking mind. He scoffs.

“I don’t know,” he mutters. “Don’t know if it’s worth it.”

She looks at him, lifting her chin to see him.

“They won’t understand,” he says quietly. “They won’t get it.”

She sits up. Swings her legs around to rest across his lap, letting the gummy bears fall to the side. She’s looking at him curiously, silently.

Steve sighs, letting his head fall to the wall.

“…They raised me to be God-fearing,” he says quietly. “And… pure. They raised me so, like, intentionally… good. And if I tell them, I…” Steve scoffs, laughing humourlessly. “‘Hey, by the way, I’m an atheist and I like it when my metalhead boyfriend shoves his cock up my ass and puts his fingers down my throat.’”

Robin lets out a laugh, and he half-smiles.

“They don’t have to know all of that.”

“That’s all they will know, though,” he says weakly, his smile falling. She looks at him in confusion, furrowing her eyebrows, frowning. He sighs.

“They view homosexuality as… disgusting,” he says after a moment. “It’s just sexual to them. It’s just sin on sin.”

His fingers twist together, and then he reaches for the cross around his neck, lifting it to touch his lips absently.

“If I say I have a boyfriend…” He pauses, his voice weak and soft. “They won’t think about us holding hands or teasing each other or being sweet with each other. They won’t think about…” He cuts off, his throat tightening. “About how he wipes my tears away like he’s scared he’ll break me. Or the way he pulls me closer even when he’s, like, fully asleep. Or the way he cooks for me when I mention I haven’t eaten, or the way he kisses my temples when I have a headache.”

He looks at the ceiling, blinking tears back rapidly when his eyes sting. Robin reaches and holds his forearm.

“They’ll think about us sinning,” he says weakly. “They’ll think about— about him corrupting me, or manipulating me, and— and it’s bullshit, because he hasn’t. He’s— He’s so great.”

“He sounds really great,” Robin says, and her voice sounds thick now, and he hates this, this bullshit that unites the two of them.

“They’ll never see how great he is,” Steve says heavily. Robin’s hand is warm on his arm. “They’ll never get it. They’ll take one look at him and do the fucking Sign of the Cross. I don’t…”

He sighs again, reaching over to take her hand, twisting their fingers together.

“If I tell them… I don’t know what they’ll do. But I think… I don’t know. If the love they have for me is worth keeping. You know?”

She nods. Sighs. Squeezes his arm.

“It sucks,” he says softly, whispering. “Knowing your parents don’t love you the way you want.”

He glances at her when he hears a sniffle, and there’s a tear falling down her cheek. He wipes it away, but she doesn’t seem to notice, her eyes downcast and glassy.

“It sucks,” she says, her voice breaking a little bit. “My own parents don’t love me. Don’t know who can.”

It sends a shard of glass through Steve’s chest. That Robin fucking Buckley can’t see how loveable she is, how precious. How amazing and perfect, and…

“I can,” Steve says quietly.

She looks at him, her eyes shining, gleaming, her lips pursed like she’s trying to stop them from quivering.

“…Really?”

He nods, tilting his head at her.

“You’re my best friend,” he says softly. “You’re so cool.”

She scoffs, sniffling, and her hand tightens on his, squeezing his fingers. Her eyes close, and another tear falls down her cheek, and then Steve’s eyes are burning, and he tugs her closer by her hand.

Their arms wrap around each other, and Steve squeezes his eyes shut, burying his face in her neck. Her shoulders shake when she sobs quietly, and he runs a hand down her back, over the wrinkles in her sweater.

And he feels kind of like he did when Eddie first started being sweet on him, touching him lightly, calling him pet names. It’s different with Robin, of course. Still warm. Familiar. Entirely platonic but somehow more.

They stay there together, arms around each other, legs tangled, as they talk. Robin tells him about every girl she’s ever had a crush on. Steve runs his hand through her hair until it’s untangled as he listens, feeling the way her jaw shifts as she talks and chews the gummy bears. The sun sets outside, the sky dimming, and neither of them moves except to flick on the lamp on Robin’s bedside.

It’s warm here. Safe. Steve lets himself exist quietly with Robin, lets himself become sleepy and giggly and a little bit childish, because she’s doing the same, wrapped in a blanket and rocking back and forth as they laugh about nothing. He thinks that even if their parents can’t love them properly, maybe it doesn’t really matter at the moment. It doesn’t really matter if they have each other.

─────────────────

Steve wakes up before the sun rises.

It’s Saturday. Eddie had been working at the Hideout, but he’s in bed now, hair damp from his shower, eyes closed peacefully. Steve looks at him in the dark, rolling onto his side to face him.

He hadn’t woken up when Eddie came back after work. Eddie must have been as quiet as possible, taking off his jacket and setting his keys down, getting fresh clothes and taking a shower, all while Steve slept peacefully in bed. He isn’t even touching Steve right now. There’s a space between them, a chasm that makes Steve ache.

He pauses, looking at Eddie. At the fan of his eyelashes across his pale cheeks, at the metal studs in his skin. At his cheek that’s squished against his hand, tucked between his face and his pillow. At the strands of hair on his skin.

“Eddie,” Steve whispers softly, hesitantly. He doesn’t expect a response, but Eddie’s eyes flutter open slowly after a moment, and he looks at Steve blearily, tiredly, his eyes not quite all the way open.

“Hm?” Eddie shifts, closing his eyes for a moment before he blinks them open again. “You okay?”

“Mhmm.” Steve gazes at him. “Missed you.”

Eddie smiles sleepily, humming, lifting his chin a little bit, and Steve moves closer, close enough that their noses nudge together. Eddie exhales slowly, and Steve thinks for a moment that he’s fallen back asleep, but his arm moves, sliding from between them to wrap around Steve’s waist. His hand presses into the small of his back, and he tugs him closer.

Steve kisses him, smiling, tucking his hands between them, shrinking against Eddie’s body as their lips part. Eddie hums again, fingers spreading over Steve’s back.

“Sweet baby,” Eddie murmurs when they separate, his lips brushing Steve’s. Steve smiles again, his cheeks flushing with warmth. He sighs, nuzzling into Eddie’s throat as Eddie rubs his back once more.

He could whisper it right now. Right here. Lips pressed to Eddie’s tattooed skin, Eddie’s heartbeat against his hands.

He doesn’t say anything.

─────────────────

Steve sits on the sofa while Eddie finishes putting away the groceries.

He’d cried in the grocery store. He doesn’t know why.

His cheeks are still tacky with tears, and he feels fucking exhausted for no reason at all. All he’s done today is go with Eddie to the grocery store, and he’d managed to ignore the way the overhead lights buzzed and made his head ache, the way the squeaky wheels of other peoples’ carts scratched at the inside of his skull. Until someone passing bumped into him, their shoulders knocking together, and he just burst into tears like a child.

Eddie almost dropped their basket, setting it down and quickly, gently, pulling Steve aside, his voice hushed as he asked what was wrong, what happened, but Steve didn’t have an answer. Nothing happened. Nothing was wrong. He was just crying.

Eddie gave him the keys to wait in the van while he finished up shopping, and Steve took them quietly. He’s been quiet since. Stared out the window in the car as Eddie drove, only tearing his glassy eyes away from the world going by when Eddie’s hand landed on his thigh gently, squeezing and holding him.

Steve squeezes his eyes shut as they start to sting again, his head falling to the back of the sofa. He’s tucked into himself, arms crossed over his belly, knees drawn up, and he listens to Eddie in the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets, balling up plastic bags and stuffing them into a drawer.

It goes quiet after a few minutes. And then the couch shifts as Eddie sits next to Steve carefully.

“Hey, baby.”

Steve opens his eyes and looks at him, rolling his head, before he lifts his head.

“Hi,” he says softly, whispering.

“What’s goin’ on?” Eddie asks gently, leaning against the back of the sofa. Steve looks away, across the room, shrugging. “Did something happen?”

“No,” Steve chokes, eyes watering again. “I just…” He shrugs, sniffling. “Feel like shit today. I don’t know.”

“What do you need?” Eddie asks softly.

Steve is quiet, shrugging again, and Eddie just waits for him.

“…Hold me.”

Eddie moves without hesitation, wrapping his arms around him tightly, pulling him close and running his hand over his head carefully. Steve falls against him, squeezing his eyes shut again. His breath shudders. Eddie hushes him gently.

“Breathe for me,” he whispers softly. “Nice and slow, baby, you got it.”

Steve takes a deep breath, reaching to cling to Eddie’s shirt, and Eddie’s arms tighten around him, his hands pressing to him firmly before one of them slides into his hair and tugs.

Steve sags against Eddie, exhaling sharply.

“Harder.”

Eddie’s fingers twist into his hair and pull so it hurts. Steve exhales again.

“There you go,” Eddie murmurs. “That’s it, baby.”

Steve whines weakly, face burning as he buries his face in Eddie’s neck, but Eddie just holds him. Pulls his hair. Rubs his back.

“Just want you to touch me,” Steve says when he can speak again, whispering.

“You wanna get off?”

Steve pauses. And then shakes his head.

“Just want your hands on me.”

“C’mere.”

He pulls Steve closer, shifting to sit sideways on the sofa, legs outstretched, and Steve lets him manhandle him gently, lets him pull him so he’s laying on his chest, their legs entwined.

“There we go,” Eddie murmurs. His hands run over Steve’s back gently, tracing his spine. “Good?”

Steve hums, nuzzling into his neck, hands tucked against his chest.

“Harder,” he says softly.

Eddie’s hands press more firmly, pushing Steve against him, and Steve bites his lips to stifle a groan.

“Let it out,” Eddie murmurs. “‘S okay.”

Steve whimpers weakly, pressing closer as Eddie’s hands squeeze his hips firmly. It hurts a little, but Steve likes it. It makes his mind go a little fuzzy, makes whatever is squeezing his chest so tight a little looser. He hums.

“That’s okay?” Eddie checks after a moment, his hands loosening. Steve nods, reaching back to find Eddie’s hand blindly, and he leads it down to his ass, pressing firmly. “Right here?”

Steve nods again.

“Please.”

Eddie kisses the side of his head, and his hands are strong as they press into Steve’s flesh through the fabric of his pants. Squeezing and pushing and gripping like he’s massaging his ass and his thighs, and Steve melts against him, brows furrowed as he focuses on the feeling of Eddie’s fingers on him. He presses his hand to Eddie’s chest and then slides it up to his neck, pressing against his pulse.

“Feel good?” Eddie asks softly. Steve nods.

“‘S, like… grounding,” he mumbles, his hand falling lax on Eddie’s neck loosely. “Like it.”

Eddie hums quietly, his voice rumbling above Steve’s head.

“Bet you’re having fun,” Steve mumbles after a moment, and Eddie scoffs, a sound that makes Steve smile.

“I definitely am.”

His hands squeezes again, and then one of them lifts and taps Steve’s ass lightly, absently, but Steve fucking lights up inside. He hums, his back arching.

“Yeah?” Eddie says, sounding a little surprised.

“Mm. Yeah. Please.”

Eddie laughs softly, doing it again.

“You want me to spank you, baby?”

Steve nods desperately, back arching again.

“Please.”

Eddie kisses his head again, his fingers tightening on his ass, squeezing hard.

“You’re so sweet.”

Steve nods absently, letting out a weak yelp when Eddie’s hand lands on his ass abruptly, hard.

“Color?”

“Green. Again. Please.”

“I got you, baby.”

He does it again. And then again. Alternating hands, rubbing and soothing in between slaps, and they’re both hard, but Steve doesn’t think it really matters. He feels like he might fucking fall asleep here, despite Eddie’s hands forcing feeling into him, despite the way particularly hard hits jostle him.

“Okay?” Eddie asks after a few minutes, hands rubbing over where Steve’s ass is blooming with warmth.

“Please don’t stop,” Steve mumbles weakly, sleepily. “Feels so good.”

Eddie’s hands squeeze tightly. And then one retreats before it slides under Steve’s pants, pressing to his bare skin. Steve whines, nodding before Eddie can ask.

Eddie pushes his pants down carefully, smoothing his hands over Steve’s ass.

“Color,” he says softly, whispering.

“Green.”

“‘S gonna hurt more without fabric in the way.”

“I know,” Steve mumbles. “‘S okay, I want it.”

“Tell me why first.”

Steve exhales sharply, swallowing the lump that’s formed in his throat, and he takes a slow breath.

“Just…” He pauses, pressing his cheek to Eddie’s shoulder, gazing at the bat’s wing around his neck. “Wanna feel it.”

“Why?” Eddie whispers.

“Need it,” Steve says, almost whining. “Need to feel it. When we were in the— the grocery store, there was too much,” he says, his voice softening. “The lights, and the noises, and my— my jacket, and the guy bumping into me, it was just… too much. When it hurts, just— just a little, I can feel it. ‘N I don’t have to feel anything else.”

“Baby,” Eddie breathes.

His hand lands on Steve’s ass with a sharp slap, and Steve jumps with a startled Oh!

Eddie’s hand smooths over the skin gently, squeezing and soothing, and Steve nods, breathless.

The skin of his ass feels hot when Eddie finally stops, rubbing his hips and sliding a hand under his shirt to press into the small of his back. Steve is shaking a little bit, breathing hard into Eddie’s neck, fists clenched in the fabric of his shirt.

“Okay?”

Steve nods, letting out a weak whine.

“Thank you,” he says breathlessly. Eddie turns his head to kiss his temple, humming softly.

“Of course, baby,” he whispers. “You know I’d give you anything.”

Steve nods again, smiling.

Eddie starts to pull Steve’s pants back up, but the fabric scrapes over his no doubt reddened skin, and Steve hisses, wincing. Eddie lets out a thoughtful noise before he holds Steve’s waist, pushing him to the side carefully.

“Stay here a moment,” he says, shifting to get up so Steve can lay on his front on the sofa. Steve groans, reaching for him half-heartedly as he stands, and Eddie laughs lightly, catching his hand and bending down to press a kiss to his knuckles.

He comes back with a bottle of lotion, and he sits on the edge of the sofa next to Steve’s legs. Steve closes his eyes and sighs as he listens to the click of the bottle before Eddie's hand, cold with lotion, smooths over the hot skin. Steve’s breath catches in his throat, and he hums.

“So beautiful,” Eddie murmurs, leaning to press a gentle kiss to his ass. “My perfect boy.”

He pulls Steve’s pants up carefully, slowly, tugging them so they don’t slide over his skin, and he smooths out the waistband of his underwear by tucking his fingers under it and running them along the elastic.

“Maybe we need to get you some silky panties so it doesn’t hurt.”

Steve giggles into the sofa, cheeks warm.

“Could be cute.”

“It would be very cute,” Eddie says lightly. He smooths his hand over Steve’s ass gently, tenderly. “You feel okay?”

“Mhmm.” Steve sighs. “C’mere.”

Eddie moves back onto the sofa and Steve shifts to give him space, settling with his head on Eddie’s chest. Eddie runs his hands through his hair and then over his back, more gently than before.

“Wanna stay here for a little while?” Eddie asks softly. “And then I can go start lunch?”

Steve nods, sighing.

“Yes please.”

Eddie kisses the top of his head, and Steve suppresses a smile, sliding a hand down to slip it under the hem of Eddie’s shirt. Eddie hisses a little when his cold fingertips find his skin, and Steve snickers.

“Sorry.”

“I don’t think you are.”

“Mm.”

Eddie plays with his hair. He breathes.

Steve likes it when he breathes. Which is probably the most insane thing he’s ever thought to himself, but it’s true. It’s almost reassuring to hear Eddie’s breath, to feel the rise and fall of his chest. Steve wishes he could listen to it all the time, wishes it could play on repeat in the back of his mind. He wishes it was possible to get a sound tattooed.

“Do you wanna go out this weekend?” Eddie asks abruptly.

“…Out?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and he sounds shy all of a sudden, like he’s nervous. “Like— Like on a date.”

Steve lifts his head, looking down at him. Eddie’s cheeks are pink.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says again, glancing away, taking a breath. “I just… I just realized we’ve never actually been on a date, and…” He looks up at Steve, his tongue flashing over his bottom lip. “I know a place that’s… that’s, like, queer friendly.”

Steve blinks, smiling slowly.

“…Really?”

“Yeah.”

Eddie smiles, tilting his head at him like he’s fond, like Steve is a cute puppy or something.

“You wanna go out with me?” he asks lightly. Steve suppresses his smile but he can’t, and it grows into a bright grin, and it’s the first time he’s actually smiled all day. Eddie’s eyes drop to his mouth, his expression lighting up like he’s realizing it too.

“Yes,” Steve says, shifting to lay on top of Eddie’s body, their legs entwined, their chests pressing, and Steve’s heart feels like it’s beating harder, like it’s trying to reach Eddie’s through their skin and the fabric of their shirts. “I wanna go out with you.”

Eddie suppresses his own smile.

“Okay.”

He lays back down, kissing Eddie jaw and then his neck, biting teasingly when Eddie’s hand tugs at his hair.

The date is on Friday. They go to a diner that’s just outside the city, on the corner of a block in a colorful neighborhood. Eddie parks the van out front as Steve looks at the building, at the glowing OPEN sign in the window. It looks quiet, a little bit empty; there are a few people sitting at the bar, sipping from white mugs and looking at newspapers and notebooks, and there are two women sitting behind one of the windows, across from each other, laughing. There’s a pink triangle on the entry door.

Eddie holds the door open for Steve, tilting his head politely as Steve passes by him with a suppressed smile, and the woman behind the counter glances up at them when the bell above the door dings cheerfully. Eddie’s hand takes Steve’s, lacing their fingers and pulling to lead him to a booth in the back.

They sit across from each other after taking off their jackets, and Steve looks around again. There are flashes of color everywhere he looks even though it’s mostly brown inside; the seats of the booths are a muted teal, and there are glowing neon signs on one of the walls, reading things like girls girls girls and soups & sandwiches. There are gumball machines and a pinball machine and there’s bunting draping in the air over the door to the kitchen. It’s made up of small American flags, but when Steve looks a little closer he realizes the flags are upside down.

When Steve looks at Eddie again, he’s resting his chin on his hand, watching Steve with a small smile.

“Hi,” Steve says shyly, leaning over the table to look at him, mirroring him with his chin on his hand.

“Hi,” Eddie says softly. “What do you think?”

Steve glances around again.

“‘S nice,” he says before hesitating for a brief moment. “You don’t think they’ll mind that…”

“That they’ve got queers for patrons?”

Steve scoffs.

“Yeah.”

“Nah,” Eddie says softly. “They don’t mind.” He looks past Steve, hesitating before he gestures with a tilting his head. “See those ladies over there?”

Steve looks over his shoulder at the women sitting by the window. They’re holding hands across the table, and their ankles are locked, and Steve can only see one of their faces from where he’s sitting, but she’s beaming so brightly it’s like she’s reflecting the other woman’s expression.

“Oh,” he says softly.

“Yeah.”

Steve looks at Eddie again, biting his lip, and he crosses his arms over the top of the table, hiding his hands. His eyes scan Eddie’s content smile, his hands resting on the tabletop and holding his chin. Steve starts to pull his hand out from where it’s tucked against himself but he stops, hesitating, his stomach flipping. Eddie’s smile grows.

“Go ‘head,” he says softly.

Steve suppresses a smile, biting his lip again as he pulls his hand away and reaches across the table, grabbing Eddie’s and pulling it toward himself. Eddie bites back a laugh, amused. Their fingers twist until Steve is holding onto Eddie’s middle and ring fingers, holding them loosely before he squeezes absently, nervously. Eddie brushes his thumb over Steve’s fingers gently. Steve looks away.

“Hiya, boys.”

Steve jumps at the sound of the waitress’s voice, looking up as she approaches their table and sets two menus in front of them. He starts to pull his hand away, but Eddie squeezes, tugging it back in place.

“Can I get you started with any drinks?” she asks lightly. She’s smiling at them, like she doesn’t even see them holding hands.

“Uh,” Eddie says, looking at Steve with raised eyebrows.

“Do— Do you have orange soda?” Steve asks, looking up at her again, and she nods before looking at Eddie.

“Ginger ale.”

She nods.

Steve exhales as she walks away, her ponytail swinging behind her, her shoes clicking on the floor, and Eddie squeezes his hand again.

“Hey,” he says softly, and Steve looks at him. “We’re okay.”

Steve nods, taking a deep breath, squeezing his hand.

“We’re okay.”

They only let go of each other’s hands when their food comes, and Eddie immediately kicks at Steve’s feet to prompt him to move them forward so they can lock their ankles together. Steve feels like he’s thirteen or something, his cheeks flushed with heat because his crush is touching him. It’s ridiculous. But Eddie keeps grinning at him across the table like he knows.

They get pie to share. It’s stupid. Almost embarrassing, especially when Eddie grabs a paper napkin and reaches over to wipe Steve’s chin himself. Steve rolls his eyes and snatches it from him as Eddie giggles. His lips are stained red.

Steve is fucking obsessed with him.

He clings to Eddie’s arm as they leave, no longer scared of being seen, almost wanting it now. Wanting people to look over their mugs and hovering forks to see these two boys, these two men, fingers laced, cheeks warm. Wanting people to see exactly how Steve feels, exactly how his heart beats in time with Eddie’s, how his veins are twisted and tangled in the shape of Eddie’s name.

Eddie holds his hand in the car. Steve can barely tear his eyes away from him, gazing at the side of his face, at the lines in his skin that deepen when he smiles after glancing back at Steve.

“What is it?” he asks, his voice light as he slows at a stop sign and looks both ways, leaning to see past Steve.

Steve shrugs even though he isn’t looking at him.

“I really like you.”

His voice is small.

Eddie’s smile widens.

“I really like you too, baby.”

Steve squeezes his hand, grinning, and he sighs heavily, waiting. Eddie pulls his hand away from Steve’s to turn the van into the parking lot outside his building, and Steve whines petulantly, which just makes Eddie laugh.

“Gimme a second, honey.”

Steve sighs, waiting, and he could swear Eddie is doing this on purpose, pulling into a parking spot and then pulling out again, straightening the van, pulling in again, pulling out. Steve scoffs and hits his head against the headrest, rolling his eyes.

“You’re so annoying.”

“Don’t wanna take up someone else’s spot.”

“Mhmm.”

Eddie is smiling as he finally stops the van and pulls the keys out the ignition, and he turns to look at Steve, eyebrows raised.

“You’re pouting?”

“…No.”

“Baby.”

Steve looks at him. And kisses him, leaning across the center console and crashing their mouths together. Eddie laughs, turning to hold his face. He reaches to unbuckle Steve’s seatbelt;t before doing his own, and Steve just tilts his head to kiss him deeper and he scrambles out of the seatbelt. Eddie hums, caressing his cheeks.

“Wanna go inside?” he mumbles between kisses. “Hm?”

“Mhmm,” Steve hums, nodding, but he doesn’t pull away, his breath catching when Eddie tugs on his lower lip.

“C’mon.”

Eddie holds his hand as he leads him upstairs, their fingers locked. It’s a little dark, the lights lining the stairwell dimmer than they should be. They’re quiet, not even whispering to each other as they ascend the stairs, and Steve steps up close to Eddie as he’s unlocking the door, pressing his face against his shoulder.

They’re kissing before the door is even shut behind them, before Eddie’s even flicked the lights on, and they kick their shoes off, shove their jackets off, clutch at each other. The inside of Eddie’s mouth tastes like cherry pie, sweet and sugary and fucking delicious.

Steve wraps his arms around Eddie’s neck and lifts onto his tiptoes, groaning when Eddie grabs his thighs and lifts him up. Eddie grabs his ass when his legs wrap around his hips, reaching to put one hand on the wall to steady himself as he makes his way to his room with Steve clinging to him.

They pull the clothing off each other’s bodies, breathing hard, touching and kissing and licking, and Steve keeps thinking there’s no way he can ever feel what he’s felt before, what he felt the first time Eddie pressed into his body, but the sun is somehow shining down on him even though it’s the middle of the night and they’re hidden in Eddie’s bedroom. Eddie holds his hand, clutching tightly as he opens Steve up tenderly, as he sucks kisses into the sensitive skin of his inner thighs.

Steve’s hand is tight in Eddie’s hair, holding on like he’ll float away if he lets go of him.

He’s whimpering, whining and moaning, and Eddie’s fingers feel so fucking good inside him, moving slowly, gently, carefully, fucking in and out of him, forcing soft noises into the air. Steve bites his lip, squeezing his eyes shut and exhaling sharply.

When he opens his eyes, he can’t see. His vision is blurred, the light from the lamp suddenly brighter than it usually is.

He opens his mouth for a breath, but there’s something on his chest, keeping his lungs from filling, and a tear escapes his eye. His hand clenches in Eddie’s hair hard.

“Baby?”

Steve exhales sharply.

Eddie moves up over his body, hovering over Steve, and Steve can’t let go of his hair. His hand is clenched tightly, shaking, and he can’t let go. He’s gripping so hard he’s probably, definitely hurting Eddie, and he can’t let go.

“What’s your color?”

Eddie’s voice is muffled, like Steve is underwater, like there’s something between them. Steve’s eyes blink, stinging,

“Steve. Color.”

Steve exhales again, and his voice is weak, cracking like a thin layer of ice when he finally says, “Red.”

Eddie’s fingers pull out of him, and Steve wants to protest, to whine Come back, but he can’t get any other words out.

“Come here,” Eddie says softly, kindly, and Steve squeezes his eyes shut, tears falling down his face, into his hair. Eddie holds Steve’s hand where it’s stuck in his hair, and Steve tries to let go, but he can’t.

“I’m sorry,” he says weakly, almost whispering. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I—”

“Steve,” Eddie says firmly, pulling him to sit up. “Don’t apologize, baby, it’s okay. We’re all done.”

Steve takes a stuttering breath, opening his eyes to look at him desperately. Eddie is looking at him tenderly, nodding when Steve inhales, and he’s so beautiful Steve starts to cry again. Eddie reaches up to gently detach Steve’s hand from his hair, and Steve closes his eyes tightly, trying to loosen his hand. Eddie holds his clenched fist in his hand, running his thumb over his knuckles.

“Baby,” Eddie says softly. “Look at me.”

Steve opens his eyes.

“You wanna get dressed?”

Steve pauses, looking at him, and then he nods.

Eddie leans to grab their clothes from where they’re discarded next to the bed. He sits up with a hoodie in his hand, one that was on the floor within reach. He lets go of Steve’s hand to help him get dressed, to help him pull his boxers on and tug Eddie’s hoodie on over his head before he dresses himself as well.

Steve covers his face in his hands, trying to hide, and he weakens even more when Eddie touches him, when he runs his hands over his arms gently, squeezing.

“Stevie, baby…”

“I’m sorry,” Steve chokes, his voice muffled. “I’m so sorry, baby, I— I don’t—”

Eddie shushes him gently, pushing his fingers through his hair.

“Steve, sweetheart, come here.” He pulls him in so their foreheads press together, and he caresses his cheeks, nudging their noses together. “Breathe,” he says softly, whispering. “It’s okay.”

Steve sniffles, reaching to hold his waist, gripping the fabric of his shirt tightly. He tries to breathe, to inhale slowly, normally, but it doesn’t work, and his breath gets caught in his throat, choking him.

“You got it,” Eddie murmurs.

When Steve exhales smoothly, Eddie lifts his head and looks at him, smoothing his hair out of the way carefully, gently.

“I’m sorry,” Steve breathes. Eddie shakes his head patiently.

“You don’t have to be sorry.”

“But…”

But it was a good night.

They’d gone on an actual date, and Steve had had fun, he’d held his boyfriend’s hand in public without worrying, without being scared. He’d kissed him in the car and giggled and blushed, and everything was fucking fine.

“Look at me,” Eddie says firmly, and Steve lifts his head, his vision blurring. Eddie is looking at him intently, tenderly. “You don’t have to apologize,” he says gently. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you understand?”

“But…”

“But nothing, baby,” Eddie says, leaning forward in emphasis. “You did so good for me, okay?”

Steve’s eyes flutter as he blinks tears out of his eyes.

“I’m so proud of you,” Eddie whispers. “I’m not upset at all, Stevie, okay?”

It must be clear on his face that Steve doesn’t believe him. Because it doesn’t make sense that Eddie wouldn’t be upset; Steve’s ruined their night. There’s no way Eddie isn’t at least disappointed.

“Steve,” Eddie murmurs. “Baby.”

Steve looks at him again, letting him wipe his tears and cradle his jaw.

“I would be upset if you didn’t say anything,” Eddie says gently. “If you didn’t stop me, and you just… let me keep going even though you didn’t want to.” His voice sounds tight. “Okay? You never, ever have to apologize for stopping anything. If it’s… If it’s sex, or if you don’t feel like talking, or if you don’t feel like being touched— anything. You understand?”

And something about the way his voice sounds, so firm, almost demanding, almost authoritative, makes Steve feel a little lightheaded. Makes him melt into his hands.

He’s so nice.

“Stevie,” Eddie says softly. “If you decide that you never wanna have sex with me ever again, that’s okay.”

Steve almost pouts, his head tilting, and Eddie smiles weakly, his thumbs brushing over Steve’s cheeks.

“That’s okay,” Eddie says adamantly, shaking Steve’s head gently, playfully. “You don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to, okay? ”

Steve nods weakly.

Eddie leans in again, nudging their noses together.

“You don’t ever have to apologize for not wanting something,” he says softly. “For saying no or telling me to stop or asking for more time or fucking anything, you understand me?”

Steve nods, his eyes fluttering again. Eddie holds his jaw and shakes his head playfully again, and it’s kind of condescending, kind of mean, but it makes Steve’s mind go blank.

“You understand me?” Eddie asks again, more intently, waiting for a verbal response.

Steve isn’t thinking. His skull is full of static.

“Yes, sir.”

Eddie blinks.

And Steve’s own voice catches up to him. His face flushes with heat, and his eyes burn.

“I’m—”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Eddie says, half-smiling now. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

Steve scoffs weakly, but he’s crying again, embarrassed, and Eddie wipes his tears away, leaning in to kiss his forehead before he lowers his head to press his forehead to it.

“Is that what you wanna call me, baby?” he murmurs. Steve’s stomach flutters. He nods. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, his voice weak again. It’s almost a whine.

“That’s okay,” Eddie whispers. “You can call me that.”

“But it’s weird,” Steve says quietly, shyly, and Eddie huffs out a laugh.

“You know I don’t mind weird.”

Steve smiles weakly.

“I like it,” Eddie whispers softly, the end of his nose brushing Steve’s. “I love taking care of you, baby.”

Steve nods, closing his eyes, exhaling slowly, and their noses brush again.

“I love taking care of you,” Eddie repeats intently.

Steve tilts his head and lifts his chin to kiss him softly, and Eddie lets him, humming quietly and holding his face like he’s something precious.

Eddie guides him to rest on his shoulder when they part, and Steve sighs, melting against him.

“Okay?” Eddie asks softly. Steve nods.

“…Thank you, sir.”

“Of course, baby boy,” Eddie murmurs, and he kisses Steve’s head, running his hands over his spine, and Steve think he might be fucking fine.

─────────────────

Steve’s hair is damp with rain as he makes his way up the stairs to Eddie’s apartment. He feels heavy; his jacket is almost soaked, and his jeans are sticking to his legs, and his bag is weighing his shoulders down. He lets it drop to his elbow before dropping it to the ground as he stops outside Eddie’s door.

Eddie answers within just a few seconds, and Steve smiles, tilting his head at him as Eddie steps aside for him to come inside, but something is off. Eddie’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asks, dropping his bag next to the pile of shoes by the door, letting Eddie take his jacket. Eddie scoffs, his expression lightening.

“Nothing?”

Steve gives him a look as he toes his shoes off, kicking them aside.

“What’s going on?”

“Uh,” Eddie sighs, an eyebrow raising as he looks Steve up and down, half-smiling. “You don’t have an umbrella?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Steve says lightly, moving closer, setting his arms over Eddie’s shoulders and playing with the curls that have escaped the bun his hair is in. Eddie holds his waist easily. “Also yes, I do, but I forgot it.”

“Ah.” Eddie sighs heavily, slowly, his eyes skimming Steve’s face. “Wayne called.”

Steve blinks. His stomach twists.

He’s never met Wayne. Never even talked on the phone with him. But he loves him.

Eddie has endless stories about it, about his collections of mugs and trucker hats and bottle openers, about his banjo and the quilts that litter his living room. About how he’d stay up with Eddie to help him with his homework or to listen to him rant about whatever book he was reading or whatever campaign he was planning. About how he came home one day and threw a brand-new hairbrush at Eddie a while after he started growing his hair out. About how sweet he’s always been, how loving.

“Is he okay?” he asks, his eyes widening. “What happened?”

“He’s fine,” Eddie says quickly, smiling, shaking his head, pressing a hand into the small of Steve’s back. “He’s fine, it’s just…”

Steve stares at him as he hesitates, his lips parted like he’s going to speak even though he doesn’t say anything. Steve touches his face, brushing his thumbs over his cheeks. His eyes look a little bit red.

“It’s Linda,” Eddie says after a few moments, his hands holding Steve’s waist firmly like he’s steadying himself on him. Steve freezes. “She, uhm. She had a heart attack. She didn’t make it.”

He takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly, shakily, nodding his head absently. His eyes are glassy.

“How do you feel?” Steve asks softly.

Eddie inhales, laughing humourlessly, letting out a shaky, “Uh…”

“Baby,” Steve says, and Eddie meets his eyes. His eyelashes flutter as he blinks tears back, and his tongue swipes over his lower lip briefly. Steve slides his hands down to his arms.

“Come here,” he says softly, reaching for Eddie’s hand, and he pulls him along gently as he goes to the living room. Eddie follows quietly, sniffling, and Steve’s chest hurts. He pushes him to sit on the sofa, and Eddie falls on it heavily, looking up at Steve helplessly as Steve lowers to sit on his lap, his knees on either side of his hips. “Okay?”

Eddie nods, his mouth quirking into a tired smile. Steve sets his hands on his neck, tracing light lines over his skin.

“Tell me,” he whispers.

Eddie closes his eyes and takes a slow deep breath, relaxing against the back of the sofa and lifts his hands to rest them on Steve’s thighs.

“I, uhm…” He opens his eyes, but they’re hazy, glassy, trained on the collar of Steve’s shirt. It’s a plain t-shirt, grey and loose-fitted, but it’s nothing Steve would ever have worn even a year ago. The cross on Steve’s necklace is hidden behind the fabric. “I don’t know how to feel.”

His hands are kneading Steve’s thighs gently, absently, like he’s fidgeting.

“What are you feeling right now?” Steve asks softly. Eddie pauses before he shrugs.

“Just… I don’t know.” His voice cracks. He looks at Steve, looking into his eyes for a moment before he looks away again, squeezing Steve’s hips. “I’m… Sad. But. I don’t know.” He shrugs again, shaking his head. His head falls against the back of the sofa.

Steve brushes his thumb over his throat lightly, his heart aching.

“I feel angry?” Eddie says after a moment, his expression shifting into confusion. “I don’t— I don’t know why, it— it’s like she slighted me or something, I don’t…” He does that laugh again, that awful laugh that grates on Steve’s skin, that laugh that’s void of joy. “I don’t know.”

“You’re allowed to feel angry,” Steve says quietly, tucking a loose wisp of hair behind his ear. The tunnels through his earlobes are black today.

“It’s not just anger,” Eddie breathes, his hands sliding up to Steve’s waist like he’s pleading with him. “I… I feel relieved.”

He whispers it. Like it’s a secret. Like he’s ashamed.

“That’s okay,” Steve whispers back, but Eddie shakes his head, blinking rapidly.

“It’s not,” he breathes. Steve takes a breath to say something, but Eddie speaks again. “She’s dead. I— How can I feel, like, content with it?”

“She was cruel to you,” Steve interrupts, leaning down with emphasis. “She was mean. You have every right to feel relieved that you don’t have to worry about her anymore.”

Eddie’s head falls back again and he sighs, looking at the ceiling. His eyelashes are wet. Steve traces the bat on his neck, caressing its grotesque face, its intricate wings. Eddie’s hands squeeze his waist, kneading and holding him tightly.

“Talk to me,” Steve says after a few moments. Eddie takes another deep breath.

“Uhm,” he says. His voice wavers, and Steve hates seeing him like this, hates seeing him sad. “I saw her a few years ago.”

Steve nods, caressing his neck.

“I was nineteen. Wayne had… Wayne had had an accident at the plant,” Eddie continues, steeling himself. “He was injured. It wasn’t, like… He was on bed rest, you know? And when he called me, I just… I panicked. I’d only lived away from him a little while, and I just… I went to him. Just in case.”

Steve smiles fondly, nodding. Of course Eddie would go to him.

“He couldn’t really walk. He was still… I mean. Wayne’s a character. He kept tellin’ me I didn’t need to go all the way down there, but he… I could tell he was happy I was there.”

Steve’s smile grows. Eddie’s accent always grows heavier when he talks about his hometown or Wayne. Steve likes hearing his accent.

“So one day, I was…” Eddie sighs. “I was in the kitchen fixin’ up some tea. Wayne was in bed with a book. He took my room after I left town.” Steve nods. “And, uhm… There was a knock.”

He slips a hand under the hem of Steve’s shirt, pressing to his skin. His hand is warm.

“I thought it was gonna be, like, a neighbor, or— or one of Wayne’s work buddies, but it was—” He cuts off, choking on his own voice, and Steve’s stomach hurts. “It was Linda.”

He pauses for a moment, slipping his tongue over his lips, kneading the soft flesh above Steve’s waistband.

“She didn’t recognize me at first,” he says quietly. “I, like, froze when I saw her, and she— she just stared at me. And I could— I could see the exact moment she realized who I was, I mean she, like… Her eyes went all wide. And she looked me up and down, and I— I remember I was wearing just a black hoodie, but she looked at it like…”

“Yeah,” Steve says softly when he doesn’t finish.

“I’d had these done,” Eddie says, lifting a hand and touching one of the piercings on his lower lip. “And I had, uhm, one here,” he says, touching the side of his nose. “I let it close a while ago, but it was, uhm, just a silver hoop.”

Steve nods, smiling.

“She… She just stared at me, and neither of us knew what to do.” Eddie looks at Steve’s chest again, his eyes glassy, and it’s like he’s zoned out completely, like he’s barely even there. “She had a, uhm, like a casserole dish, and a— a Bible. And I just kinda stared for a moment. And then she, uhm, like, snapped at me about… You’re not gonna let me in?”

Steve sighs.

“And I just said no.”

Steve scoffs, and Eddie’s expression lightens. He looks up at Steve’s face, his hands tightening on his waist.

“And I asked what she wanted, and she told me she heard Wayne was hurt so she came by to see him, and I… We started arguing. And Wayne came out of his room to see what the fuss was, and he was— he was limping, and hobbling, and Linda and I both, like scolded him for getting out of bed. And for this… brief moment, we were… one in the same.”

Steve’s expression tightens. His lips purse.

“Wayne saw the Bible she was holding,” Eddie continues. “And he…” He half-smiles, tilting his head fondly even though he’s just staring into space. “Goddammit, Linda,” he says in a clear impression of Wayne, his voice gravelly, his accent thicker. Steve smiles. “I told you I don’t want that shit in my house.

“I helped Wayne back to bed,” Eddie continues. “And Linda let herself in. Started to heat up the casserole. I told Wayne to stay put, you know, that I’d deal with her.”

“I assume she didn’t go easily,” Steve says. Eddie shakes his head.

“She, uhm… She argued. Told me she just wanted to speak with Wayne, say a prayer for his health. I told her Wayne wasn’t interested.” He trails off into silence, chewing on his lip. “…She said she wanted to help me, too, but… but that I was already too far gone.”

Steve blinks. Recognizes the words from Eddie’s thigh.

“I told her to leave.” Eddie blinks, looking up at Steve. His lip trembles, and his eyes fill with tears. “That was the last time I saw her.”

Steve touches his cheek. Eddie turns his face into it, taking a stuttering breath.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he says softly. Eddie blinks his eyes open, shrugging again. “Eddie.”

“I feel like shit,” Eddie says, a tear falling down his cheek, his voice shaking. “I hate feeling like this, like— like I’m fucking vindicated or something. Like this is justice.” His eyes are wide like he’s desperate to say this, like he needs Steve to hear him. “She’s dead. I should be, like, grieving, but I’m not,” he says despite the tears on his face, despite the trembling of his hands.

“Eddie,” Steve says firmly, holding his face. Eddie’s tears run down his fingers, dampening his skin, and Steve thinks he could use the tears as holy water, could use them to bless himself, to purify himself. “There’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling.”

Eddie’s breath shudders as he exhales. He looks up at Steve like he’s helpless, like he’s listening like his life depends on it.

“She abused you,” Steve says after hesitating for a moment. “She was cruel. She used God to use you. You have every right to be glad she’s gone. Okay?”

Eddie’s eyes flutter. Steve wipes his tears away tenderly.

“Whatever you’re feeling is fine,” Steve murmurs. “You can be angry, and you can be sad, and you can be happy, it’s… It’s all fine.” He looks him in the eye. He looks tired. “Okay?”

Eddie’s eyes blink at him. His hands are still trembling a little bit.

“…I love you.”

Steve almost startles, blinking, freezing, and Eddie’s expression doesn’t change; he’s still gazing up at Steve, looking at him like he’s fucking reverent.

“I know it…” Eddie pauses, taking a breath. “I know this is really bad timing, but I…” His eyes flutter, and he presses his lips together, hesitating.

Steve leans down and kisses him. It’s a slow kiss, gentle and lingering, and Eddie’s hands slide around to the small of his back, holding him close. When Steve pulls away, he stays close, their noses nudging, their foreheads pressing.

“I love you too,” he says quietly, whispering. “It’s okay.”

Eddie exhales shakily, and he lets out a quiet sob, and it tears through Steve’s body, rips him to shreds right in Eddie’s lap. He kisses him again, holding his face gently, pushing a hand into his hair when Eddie gasps into his mouth. Eddie wraps his arms around his waist, holding him tightly, pressing them together so close Steve feels like their skin might melt together.

Eddie makes a soft noise, a weak groan that slips between Steve’s lips and rumbles into his chest. Steve whines back, his arms wrapping around Eddie’s neck, his back arching when Eddie kisses him harder, biting and sucking on his lip, and it’s like the air in the room has suddenly become hazy. Eddie lifts a hand to grab Steve’s throat, holding him in place as he licks into his mouth.

Steve hums, keening, slumping against him, nodding when Eddie pulls away for a brief moment to look at him. He doesn’t let go of Steve’s throat, squeezing a little bit as his other hand slides around to his back, pushing under his shirt and rubbing his skin. Steve reaches to hold his wrist, gasping for breath, cheeks warm. Eddie is harder under him, and Steve’s blood is rushing.

“Eddie,” he gasps when they part.

“Mm.”

“Do you… Do you wanna have sex?” he asks breathlessly. Eddie grins, his teeth nipping at Steve’s lip.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?” Steve asks, pulling away to look at him. His hair is already a mess, and his cheeks are pink, and his eyes are glassy again, but it’s a better shine than before.

“Yes,” he says softly.

“Can we do it here?”

“Do you want…”

“I’ll go get it,” Steve says quickly when Eddie’s hands set on his hips like he’s going to nudge him to get up. “Wait here.”

Eddie smiles lazily, softly.

“Okay.”

Steve goes quickly, tugging his shirt off on his way and tossing it aside as he grabs the lube and a condom from Eddie’s bedside table. They’re sitting in plain view, next to a half-full glass of water and a book Eddie’s been reading, and the sight of them, so casual, so easy, makes Steve happy somehow.

Eddie is pulling his own shirt off when Steve goes back to him, and Steve tosses the lube and condom to the sofa next to him before unzipping his jeans as Eddie watches, hair even messier than before, frizzy and staticy from his shirt. It’s a relief when Steve finally peels his jeans off his legs; they’re still a little damp, but he hadn’t noticed the discomfort until now. Eddie lifts his hips to pull his jeans and boxers down his hips, pushing them to his knees before reaching for Steve, who takes his hand as he kicks aside his clothes.

He falls onto Eddie’s lap again with a sharp exhale as their bodies meet. Eddie’s skin is warm.

“I love you,” Steve breathes, pressing their foreheads together as Eddie reaches for the lube and tugs at the small of Steve’s back to make him arch it. “I love you so much, sir.”

“God, I love you too, baby,” Eddie whispers. The lube bottle clicks twice, and Steve lets out a weak sound when Eddie’s finger presses to his hole, cold with lube. “I’m so fucking grateful for you.”

Steve whines, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s neck, hiding his face, groaning when Eddie squeezes at his ass, spreading him open. They’re both quiet as Eddie fingers him open, his fingers pushing and prodding, spreading his fingers and making Steve ache in the best way, except the occasional whisper, the soft brush of Eddie’s breath on Steve’s bare skin.

Is that good?

Fuck, yes, sir.

Steve groans when he feels ready, when the heat in his stomach is threatening to overflow, and he reaches back to swat at Eddie’s hand, whining a weak Please.

He lifts onto his knees for Eddie to roll the condom on and spread lube over himself, and he looks down at Eddie, who looks back up at him. They just look at each other for a moment, eyes shining, lips parted as they pant. And then Steve kisses him so hard their teeth clash, and Eddie groans, squeezing his ass. They don’t pull away, feeling blindly for Steve to lower himself onto Eddie, and he moans into Eddie’s mouth as he does.

“Mm, God, Eddie.”

“Fuck.”

Steve lets out a sound that’s high in his throat, breathy and weak, and Eddie’s hands spread over his waist, holding him in place for a moment. He’s trembling now, shaking as he clings to Eddie’s shoulders.

“Shit,” he breathes sharply. “You’re so— You’re so fucking deep—”

Eddie hums, gripping Steve tightly, and they pause there, staying for a moment.

Until Steve shifts on his knees with a weak whines, rising and then lowering, his eyes squeezed shut so tightly he might get a headache. He sounds pathetic.

He moves faster after a few moments, arms wrapping around Eddie’s neck, face buried and hidden, his voice muffled as he whines and pants and groans as Eddie touches him, holds him. Eddie’s hips shift for a brief moment, rising to meet Steve’s movements, and it presses him even deeper, and Steve lets out a fucking wail.

“You okay?” Eddie asks breathlessly, pausing. Steve grinds down against him, whining, breathing hard, nodding into his neck.

“Green, fuck, Eddie,” he whines. “Please, sir, please, please—”

Eddie slides down the sofa a little bit, holding Steve’s hips tightly, keeping him in place, and he fucks him, looking up at him, watching closely, carefully. Steve whines. He’s rambling, mumbling fucking deliriously even as he listens to Eddie’s soft voice, murmuring to him.

“My good boy,” he says softly, so fucking softly. “My baby boy, you’re so perfect.”

Steve sobs, pushing a hand into Eddie’s hair, holding it tightly as he gasps for breath, moving against Eddie’s body, winding his hips, tucking his face into Eddie’s neck. He can feel Eddie’s breath on his shoulder, warm and soft and comforting.

“Fuck, that’s it,” Eddie says roughly, hands gripping Steve’s hips so tightly it might bruise, when Steve moves again, up and down, and Steve groans at the sound of their skin meeting, soft slaps that fill the air like mist. “That’s my boy, there you go, baby.”

Steve whines, and there are tears on his face now. Eddie tugs at his hair to make him lift his head, and he gazes at him for a moment before he pulls him in, and he licks Steve’s tears away, and maybe he thinks the same about Steve’s tears that Steve thinks about his. Steve groans, his eyes closing again as Eddie’s tongue slides over his cheek, as his hand pulls his hair and his other hand squeezes his ass.

Steve grinds against him, reaching up to hold Eddie’s face weakly, his fingertips pressing into his cheeks.

Their faces are pressed together, breath mixing in the air, bodies moving desperately.

“I love you,” Steve breathes. “I love you, sir—”

Eddie whines, licking his jaw before his hand lands on Steve’s ass sharply, the sound ringing out around the room like it’s empty, like there’s an echo.

“I love you too,” he whispers roughly. “Fucking beyond words, baby, I can’t even fucking tell you—”

Steve comes with the words caught in his throat, choking on them as he repeats them again and again and again and again, like a mantra. Like a prayer.

Eddie says it back. Again and again and again and again.

They get dressed slowly. Quietly. Eddie pushes Steve’s hair back after helping him pull on a sweater, and Steve pushes him gently so his back is to Steve, so he can pull his curls back into a ponytail.

Eddie makes coffee. Steve hugs his waist as he pours it into two mugs, resting his face against his back between his shoulder blades, his cheek squishing against him. He can smell the fabric of his shirt, and it’s nice.

They sit in the living room, on the sofa, and then Eddie looks up at Steve, his eyebrows taut.

“Do you… Would you mind if I smoked a cigarette?” he asks. He looks shy.

Steve shakes his head, smiling, and he reaches to set his mug aside.

“Where are they?” he asks as he gets up. Eddie looks up at him, and his eyes are shining again as he smiles.

“Uh, I have a pack in the drawer there,” he says, gesturing to the table by the sofa. “There’s a lighter there too. I’ll open a window.”

They sit on the windowsill, blankets wrapped around themselves, mugs set between them.

Steve holds up a cigarette for him, and Eddie leans to take it between his lips, suppressing a smile. Steve fiddles with the lighter for a moment, staring at it, and Eddie reaches silently to show him, moving his hand so he can flick the lighter and tilt his hand without burning his thumb. Steve tilts his head as he holds the light out, as Eddie leans in and inhales, puffing smoke out of his mouth as he leans back again.

Steve sips his coffee as Eddie smokes, leaning against the window. The glass is cold even through the fabric of his sweater and the blanket that’s wrapped around him, but he doesn’t mind. He gazes at Eddie, watches the end of his cigarette glow brightly, watches the smoke drift around his head and out the window that he’s opened. Eddie drains his coffee and tapes the cigarette ash into the empty mug.

“How do you feel?” Steve asks softly when their eyes meet.

“Better,” Eddie says. His voice is soft, quiet, almost shy. He smiles.

“Do you wanna talk about her?”

Eddie shrugs, taking a drag, sighing the smoke out of his lungs.

“I just…” He’s quiet for a moment, looking out the window, watching the world outside for a moment. “I was so young when I lived with them. And it just feels like… like there’s still this little boy somewhere inside me that went into hiding because of them.”

Steve nods, holding his mug to his face so the steam is on his skin. He wishes he could take it all away from Eddie, wishes he could reach into his chest and pull out all the heartache and sadness. Eddie is quiet, looking at the windowsill between them. It’s white, the paint chipping at the corner of the wood.

“I keep having to remind myself that I didn’t deserve it,” Eddie says quietly. “All the shit they gave me.”

And Steve doesn’t know what to say.

He’s reminded of the things Eddie’s said to him about Steve’s own parents, about the way they talk to him, the way they touch him.

“They turned me into someone else,” Eddie says quietly, tapping the cigarette on the mug again, sighing. “I wasn’t the same when I left their house as when I moved in.”

He looks up at Steve, and he looks like he wants to laugh like that again, to dismiss it and change the subject, to pretend he’s fine. But after a moment, his eyes are gleaming, watering again, and his lip quivers even as he twists his mouth to suppress it. He shrugs, blinking his eyes, tilting his head, and he looks so small Steve wants to tuck him into his chest to keep him safe.

“I was so soft before them,” Eddie says, his voice just a breath, and Steve’s chest splits open.

His eyes burn suddenly, and he nods, blinking tears back.

“I’m sorry they stole that from you,” he says softly.

He pauses for a moment before he leans in, through the air that smells like cigarette smoke, over his mug, and he touches Eddie’s face with his free hand, holding him as he kisses him gently. They linger there, eyelashes fluttering against each other’s cheeks, before Steve pulls away and looks at him, touching his cheek.

He takes a deep breath, looking at Eddie’s piercings on his mouth, looking at the bat on his throat, at the subtle reddish bruise that’s hidden in the bat’s wing from Steve’s teeth. He slides his hand down to Eddie’s chest and presses over his heart like he’s trying to feel the heat of his blood.

“He’s still in here,” he says quietly, looking at his hand pressing over Eddie’s sweater. “Little Eddie.”

Eddie suppresses a smile, sniffling, putting his hand over Steve’s like he’s holding it in place.

“We can… We can make him feel safe now,” Steve says, looking into Eddie’s eyes. “He can exist without being scared now. At home.”

Eddie’s smile wavers. His hand presses harder over Steve’s.

“I love you so much.”

Steve kisses him again, tasting coffee and cigarettes on his tongue.

“I love you so much too.”

♡ permanent taglist: @estrellami-1 @theplantscientist @spectrum-spectrum @carlprocastinator1000 @starman-jpg @romantiklen @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme ♡ holy things taglist: @stevesbipanic @pearynice @ao3whore @slowandsteddie @swordsandflowercrowns @dragonmama76 @mikeys-thoughts @sofadofax @cyranyx @kazalohiku @lostonceandneverfound @strangerfreaks @bitchysteveharrington @nailbatanddungeon @newtstabber (comment to be added/removed to/from either list!!)

♡ art of steve and eddie ♡ pinboard // playlist ♡ buy me a coffee

#in case anyone missed it: updates will now be every other week! #so the next update will be this upcoming tuesday #term ended this week and i have a ton of assignments i need to do and im also going to my parents next week so i have a lot going on #anyway #go eat something yummy #drink some water #take your meds #stretch your neck #love you all #mwah mwah mwah #steddie #steddie fanfic #steve harrington #steve harrington fanfic #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #a mess of holy things

[corrodedcoughin]

Eddie has a hard time making friends | 2.7k | very self-indulgent corroded coffin centric drabble | not beta-read so i can only apologise, also i'm off sick so if this is incoherent i apologise x2

Eddie Munson lived his life telling himself that no matter what, he didn’t need anyone. That he was better off without friendships and relationships, that in reality, he could do whatever he wanted and please himself. Fuck off at the drop of a hat if he so desired! He didn’t need to factor anyone into his life and that’s the way he liked it. 

The truth is Eddie Munson wanted to be loved. That’s what it boiled down to. The problem was he wouldn’t and couldn’t let himself. That’s what he believed anyway. There was a pattern to Eddie’s relationships, be it romantic or otherwise. And that pattern was that Eddie fucked them up. He was too much. He knew it in himself, he could feel it deep in his bones. Every so often though, he’d forget and would open himself up to somebody new. Always guarded, he’d talk and play his part, getting to know this new person, entertaining them and making sure they had a good time. That’s what his role was and he was good at it. To a degree. Eventually he let a little too much of the real him out and that’s when the other person would see him. They’d see him and the uninterested look in their eyes would appear and the pain of the realisation would come crashing over Eddie like ice water.  The person would have enough and be on their way again, leaving Eddie alone but ultimately for the best. 

Sometimes though, sometimes Eddie let the person in. He’d take a few bricks out of his mile high wall and let the person peek inside. See the real Eddie, with his excitement and happiness but his sadness too, his neediness, the very weight of him and his pain. This never ended well. The problem is, Eddie got attached. He got attached too easily and then he’d make himself vulnerable. Then, the spark of a new friendship would fizzle out. Not for Eddie, never for Eddie, but for the other person, or that’s how it felt anyway. The conversations would get further apart, the excitement to share started to feel one sided. He’d get so nervous about starting a conversation, unsure what to say to how to say. Unclear if the other person even wanted to hear from him, instead sitting in silence and yearning to reach out. The fizzy feeling in his chest would still be there but it would be tinged with this heartache and Eddie would second guess himself, then the whole relationship, and he’d be pulling back so fast he could almost feel the g force of it. He’d push the new friend away after convincing himself that it was all out of pity. That they saw how much time and attention he took from them, that ultimately he wasn’t worth the effort and he’d be left to lick his own wounds as another friendship failed. The issue was that Eddie had maybe too much affection. And when he let that out? Even just a little bit? Reining it back in was impossible. A tidal force of emotion welled up for so long and desperate to be let out, it couldn’t be held back. And so after every time he mistakenly let himself show his true colours, he was left to mop up the deluge. Friendship swept away and another wreck left in his wake. A fresh ache to be added to the collection. 

 —------

He tells himself he is happy on his own, better off that way because the alternative is worse. He doesn’t need a reminder of just how unbearable he is, how unwanted his true self is. Eddie Munson, acquaintance to many, friend to none. Safe. He knows his part and he sticks to it.

Or that’s how he plans to be anyway. That is how he thinks his life will go. But then he gets tricked. 

He gets tricked into caring about three lost losers that wander into his orbit. 

It’s the lunch of the first day of his second senior year and he has no intentions of making friends. Knows he’ll be better off getting through the year on his own. But then it happens. He doesn’t mean for it to happen. But happen it does. There’s a new kid that clearly has no idea where hes going and is giving a valiant attempt at trying to be nonchalant as he cranes his head around looking for a free table. Eddie sits on his own at the table he has marked out for hismelf that nobody else comes near, likelihood that his reputation proceeds him. So he kicks a chair out and tells the guy to sit. And the guy? Looks at Eddie like he’s handed him the keys to heaven, or hell going by the boy’s judas priest shirt, nice.

Eddie is about to leave, gearing himself up for a friendly nod before running to solitude. The new guy isn’t so keen on that though. 

‘Thanks man, somehow nobody ever mentions how shit the time between classes can be when you transfer. Only ever the shittiness of new teachers’ the guy says, offering a smile so warm that Eddie returns it without thinking. ‘I’m Jeff by the way’ 

Lunch passess without consequence, he gets Jeff’s backstory. Listens to how his day has been so far and what he’s got for the rest of his classes. They part amicably enough and Eddie thinks nothing more of it, glad to have helped with first day nerves but mentally starts planning on taking his lunch elsewhere tomorrow, let Jeff get acquainted with the rest of the school and not feel obligated to the first person that was nice to him. 

Only that isn’t how it goes. Jeff finds him in the food line and Eddie, and his Wayne instilled mantra of ‘Munsons have manners’, smiles and engages in the best, albeit stilted, small talk he can muster while simultaneously seeking his escape route. Only he gets involved. He gets pulled into a conversation about guitars and the best bass riffs and honest to god symbolism in lyrics. He gets tricked! Jeff tricked him! And now he’s sitting at a table with this new guy and enjoying himself and he can’t help himself. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he’ll pull away and slink out the back door like he knows best and everything will be okay. 

Tomorrow turns into the next day, turns into next week and soon enough it’s two weeks and Eddie is looking forward to lunch so he can see Jeff, conversation gets easy, somehow enjoyable, and he hates himself for it but his heart is so happy he can’t help it. He’s heading to ‘their table’ (when did he start calling it that? Better quit while he’s even marginally ahead) and now there’s three people there, causing an internal panic.

Eddie must have got the wrong table? But no, sure enough Jeff is waving him down as a fluffy haired boy and his friend are flinging their hands around in a heated debate. Over what? Eddie guesses he’ll never find out because he is absolutely not sitting with them. Nope. No way. He is a loner and that’s how he’s going to stay. He’s about to turn on his heel, lunch tray in hand, when Jeff is by his side and pulling him over.

‘Get held up man? No worries, saved you a seat. I invited Gareth and Ian too, met them last week and thought it would be fun.’ Jeff doesn’t give him a chance to answer before he’s pushing him into a chair and getting back involved with the other two. Now Eddie is a loner but that doesn’t mean he isn’t keeping tabs on people. He knows the name of these two but other than that? Not much to tell. 

‘And I’M saying you are an IDIOT if you think Gimli couldn’t bare knuckle brawl with a shithead like smeagol and win’ Ian is passionate with it but he’s fighting a losing battle by the looks of things.

‘Oh! I’M the idiot? ME? DUDE! Last week you tried telling me that Tom Bombadil could win against Gandalf. GANDALF! THE GREATEST WIZARD OF ALL TIME? Fuck off man, thought you were smarter than that.’ Shaking his head, Gareth throws Eddie a look of ‘can you believe this shit?’ 

And before he can stop himself Eddie is interjecting, ‘All the power to Gimli but Gandalf respects gollum for a reason’ which gets him a slap on the back form Jeff as Ian and Gareth go at it again. He knows he made a mistake in this but he couldn’t help himself, he’ll pull back soon. He will. 

Only he doesn’t. He keeps coming back, he keeps talking and laughing and learning more and more about these guys and he cares. He cares so much he feels like his heart might burst with it. He actively looks forward to spending time with the three of them. They spend time together outside of school! Wayne has even made comments about it being nice to see him looking happy, brightening up like the sun when Eddie slips up and mentions plans with the three guys.

That doesn’t stop the pervasive and creeping feeling from reminding Eddie of who he really is, how things go for him. He tortures himself with it, in truth. He tells himself that he knows the pull back is coming so to stop the painful waiting game he starts planning the detachment. Tries to keep it scientific, emotionless. It isn’t easy. It’s the exact opposite of what he wants to do. He wants to spend as much time as possible with these people, talk shit with them, make them laugh, get to really know them, maybe even let them really know him. But still, there is the insipid little voice in the back of his head, telling him what he believes to be true, that soon enough they will have had enough of Eddie. Soon enough they’ll look at him and see the burden that he is. 

It’s a small thing that sets him off, and entirely his own doing. He starts comparing the relationships within the group. Analysing down to the nth degree to try and prove the worst to himself. And he does, of course he does when he’s torturing himself with it. The way he’s now convinced himself to see the group as a strong three. Ian and Gareth already were friends, already have a long history together, nothing is shaking them up. Jeff and Gareth? They can riff off of so many shared experiences after finding out their families are from the same place. Ian and Jeff are like peas in a pod when it comes to senses of humour, can’t help but make each other laugh, truly there for each other. The three of them have such interwoven bonds that means Eddie is left out in the cold. He can offer them nothing so what’s the point of sticking around?

He doesn’t do it slow, knows that ‘all or nothing’ is the best approach so he stops showing up at lunch. Doesn’t turn up to Gareth’s grandma’s house to watch the copy of ‘The Night of the Living Dead’ Jeff snagged from his older brother. Tries not to think about how excited he was for that one. He stops answering the phone and makes sure Wayne tells anyone looking for Eddie that he isn’t in while also not telling Wayne what was going on. He wishes he could say he found the whole process easy but that would be a lie. He doesn’t let himself ruminate on it though. Distracts himself with his guitar, his books, music. The things that have kept him going. It’s lonely, he can acknowledge that but that feeling will fade, he’ll get used to it again. It’ll be fine, in time. 

Eddie knows who he is, how he is and so he settles himself on the couch with the tv and a rerun of Magnum Pi, he’s sad but that doesn’t mean he can’t admire a beautiful man, okay? Sometimes ogling a hairy chest is the best medicine. That and it’s something he and Wayne like to watch together and point out the plot inconsistencies. Thankfully Wayne is home so Eddie doesn’t feel entirely isolated. Wayne’s tried bringing up the friend thing a few times this week but Eddie hasn’t been able to talk about it, just casts his eyes down and changes the subject. He doesn’t need Wayne hearing just how pathetic his nephew is. This is just always how these things go. Everyone else seems to navigate friendships so easily but that ability was clearly left out of Eddie’s skill set. 

He really is trying his best not to think about it but it’s so hard when the physical sensations in chest wont leave him alone. Its a constant churning of ‘Not good enough. Too much. Nobody’s priority. Never right’ that feels like a persistent and solid pain where his heart should be. And this pain is exactly what distracts him from the noise of a knock on the door, from Wayne going to the door, from Wayne opening the door and letting somebody in. Letting three somebodys in that are now standing in front of Eddie who is presenting as a very pathetic curled up mass of hair and flannel.

‘People here to see you, son’ Wayne calls from the door. Completely un-needed because yes Eddie can see them thank you very much Wayne. And they can see him and Why did he let them in??

Eddie slowly brings himself to sitting up on the couch from his position of ‘sad-lounging’. He doesn’t look up, can’t meet anyone’s eyes. Opens his mouth to speak while pushing a hand through his hair to buy himself some time. TO figure out the easiest way out of this. Why are they here?

‘Get the fuck up man, we only have this movie for one night before Jeff has to give it back. Don’t be a dick’ Gareth says rather than waiting for Eddie to begin, even starts pulling him up to his feet before Eddie can stop him. 

‘Guys, no. It’s fine. You’ll have a better time just the three of you. I promise’ Eddie starts his explanation, hoping to get it out so they can leave. 

Jeff won’t hear it though, ‘Fuck off Eddie, you know these two will just end up arguing ad I’m going to need someone to give me running commentary on the actual movie so I don’t get caught up in their shit’ He starts head out the door, Gareth tugging Eddie along and Ian at his back.

‘Thanks for letting us in Mr Munson, is it okay if Eddie stays with us tonight?’ Ian, actual shithead but always a charmer asks as he walks backwards out the trailer, following the troupe. 

‘Fine with me, just don’t feed him after midnight.’ Wayne replies and Eddie can hear the smile in his voice. Can’t help himself but shout ‘WAYNE!’ to the amusement of the guys. 

He gets settled in Gareth’s Grandma’s car? Gareth got his Grandma to drive them here?? And doesn’t let himself think until they arrive at the house. They get settled in the basement, all of them sitting closer than necessary but seemingly comfortable, Ian on the floor, tilting into Jeff’s legs, Jeff next to Eddie on the couch and Gareth sitting on the armrest. 

Eddie’s mind wont rest though, feels fundamentally wrong. Inexplicably bad and needing to fix thing. So he starts, quietly and in the dark as the movie starts ‘I’m really sorry guys, I know I’m hard work and not exactly eas-’ He doesn’t get to finish before Jeff is shushing him ‘Eddie shut the fuck up. Let us be your friends, yeah? But seriously, shut up. Movie time.’ 

Obviously he wants to keep going, apologise again, try to explain himself, opens his mouth to. But then he feels Gareth’s hand on his head, a gentle smack and a hushed ‘Dude, stop’ and Ian reaches over to pet his leg before stealing the popcorn out of Jeff’s lap to a shout of protest. 

Eddie tries to settle down, tries to just let it slide. But the thing is his skin feels tight and like somebody replaced his blood with something fizzy. His tummy is squeezing painfully and his trying his best to contain a laugh that’s begging to be let out. Maybe, just maybe, he’s found his people.

#where are my 'can't make friends and can't maintain friendships because they don't know how and don't want to be a burden' guys at? #half thought about doing a steddie part 2 where steve reasurres eddie but idk nothing is jumping out at me #listen this is purely self-indulgent sadness because that is who i AM #i do however have a happier thing in the works #idk man just to say that if you are struggling out there you aren't alone #and i want to be a good friend please give me lessons on not being a little weirdo #idk idk this is silly love you all MWAH #eddie munson #corroded coffin #stranger things

[flowercrowngods]

Eddie: rambling about lotr even tho he knows that only one (1) other person will understand those references

Eddie “i may be unusual to you but I have fun” Munson

Eddie “i love my uncle” Munson

I adore him muchly but he is not normal. And most of the time in s4 he isn't even hinged (adoringly)! My sweet little sad wet blorbo :3

!!!! you know it !!! and that’s exactly what i love about him, that’s why writing his pov is so refreshing because he’ll go off on tangents and he’ll see things in different ways and he’ll be dramatic and get all up in that crazy fast little head of his!!!

(and also all of what you said is also what makes him so tragic and so lonely if you choose that angle. eddie “i was failed by the system” munson, eddie “i do not conform so you label me as evil and wrong” munson, etc etc i could ramble forever)

i love him so much. that boy has no game at all, he’s empathetic to all hells and loves to entertain but he can’t read a fucking room and he has the wrong kind of smarts and so many of them, too, and just ugh. what a weird weird man. i never stood a fucking chance 🙏🤍

#nonnie you get me and i love you 😌🤍 #eddie munson #that’s my boy and i love him as sad wet and pathetic as he is — just like the rest of them mwah #he fits right in. his weirdness just matches everyone else’s and that’s why they all work so well with eddie #he has the weird boy kinda charisma and i love him forever

[little-bumblebeeee]

Moonlight - part 6

Steve's turn

Word count - 1.8k

Part 5 part 4 part 3 part 2 part 1

Steve's always been a good kid. Other than his bottom of the barrel grades, he's been good at sports, instruments, he's easy on the eyes.. he's a dream. Other than the one small fact he's a werewolf. The fact isn't quite small when he thinks about it.

When he was 7 years old, he saw what he thought was a stray dog in his backyard, a big one, like the one his neighbor used to have. He should've known. Should've listened suring summer camp when that counselor told stories of werewolves, should've ran away as fast as he could.

But he didn't. Instead he spent that next month in the hospital, trying to recover from his almost fatal injuries while nurses poked and prodded at him and doctors ran their tests. He still remembers their cold tools and rough hands, their strange smelling gloves and the fear in their eyes when they looked at him, as if they were looking at a monster. And he doesn't blame them. Never did. Because ever since then on the full moon he's been a beast. There are urban legends around the town just about him, about how if you encounter him in the woods during a full moon he'll rip you to shreds and keep you alive for the whole thing, or that he eats babies or something– which he doesn't. He doesn't even hunt rabbits. He just lets himself starve, he's never wanted to hurt something, especially something that never stood a chance against him.

And then that shit with the Upside Down happens, just when he thinks he's finally getting close to Eddie. He doesn't want to spread this to him and rope him in on this. Sure, they're not friends, but they still end up finding each other, not to mention Steve having to patch himself up and deciding to do it at Eddie's place.

So, he avoids the boy again. He watches himself grow more and more pale and gaunt each passing month, the scars on his body seeming like they're spreading. He hasn't been eating or sleeping much, usually getting his rest during class, meaning his grades slip drastically before he graduates, to the point where he barely scrapes by.

And when he meets Robin, she fills a gap in his heart, a piece of himself he didn't know he was missing. She also makes him realize a lot, about the world around him and about himself.He wasn't just friends with Tommy, he didn't want to be just friends with Eddie either.

"I didn't realize you could do that." Steve murmurs when Robin says she liked Tammy Thompson, letting his head thump against the wall.

"Are you serious? Do you not pay attention to the world around you, like, at all?" Robin says with a chuckle, bumping her knee against his. But her smile goes away when Steve runs a hand through his hair, wincing as his fingers run over the wound on his scalp. "Steve?"

"Hm?"

"We're okay, right?"

"Of course we are.. I'm just thinking. About me." Steve says softly, staring up at the ceiling, which he realizes has more stains than the floor. Gross. Robin tilts her head a bit at him, narrowing her eyes as if trying to see into his brain.

"Like what?" She asks, picking at her chipped nail polish as it scrapes onto the floor in maroon colored dust.

"Like.. I always thought we were just best friends– me and Tommy H... But now it all seems different, looking back. I mean, friends don't do what we did. You and I are friends, and I'd.. we'd never. Not at all." Steve says quietly, barely even parting his lips. Robin grimaces, not even wanting to think about what Steve and Tommy could've done to the point Steve thinks they were more than just friends. Everything is different now. The way he had looked at Eddie, the way he thought of him, of his gaze and his hands and his words– the way he'd say his name. It was all so different. So new and amazing.

"You know Eddie Munson? He showed up sometimes and got a plain strawberry cone?" Steve asks and Robin nods slightly, having a feeling where this is going. She slides down the wall a little more, her shoes squeaking on the tile. "Yeah, I know Eddie. He stepped on my sandwich one time." Steve sighs, running a hand through his hair once more. He doesn't even need to say it, Robin just knows.

"Oh." She says softly, echoing exactly Steve's tone from earlier. "Mhm. Oh."

"You could have better taste. I mean, c'mon, Eddie? He's like, three raccoons in a trenchcoat. I saw him eating a can of Spaghetti-O's behind the school one time." Robin says, making Steve laugh, his head falling back again and bumping back against the stall wall, a move he immediately regrets with the way his head now throbs.

"I like that, though.. I can't explain it. I like everything about him. I guess I just like him." He says with a growing smile. He really should've realized sooner, but he supposes now isn't the worst time. Eddie is.. everything. He's everything, simple as that. If others could see Eddie the way Steve sees Eddie, he'd rule the world.

That's when Dustin and Erica burst in, seeing the two almost adults on the ground, laughing at nothing. The rest is a little blurry to Steve, hard to remember and somewhat painful, but it's like he blinks and he's sitting in the back of an ambulance, bright lights and sirens filling the warm July night. Beneath his pounding skull and ringing ears, he hears someone ask him a question.

"Is there a number we can call for you? Someone to pick you up?"

He doesn't quite know who asked it, but his mind goes right to one person, and he hardly takes a breath before rattling off the number he knows by heart. The number that leads to that yellow phone on the wall of the trailer. He knows Wayne is at work, but Eddie might be home. It only takes the boy about 7 minutes to get to the mall, rushing towards the ambulances, somehow immediately finding Steve as if pulled in by a magnet.

"Jesus... Steve, you're okay, right? Are you okay?" He pants out, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he sees Steve, still in his stupid sailor uniform, absolutely beat to a pulp with nothing but a thin blanket around him.

"I've been better." Steve says with a shrug. He feels that skip in his heart, which he's felt before but not to this degree, not at all. It's all for Eddie, he realizes. Every beat of his heart and breath in his lungs, and maybe he's getting ahead of himself but that's just how he feels.Eddie puts his hands on either side of Steve's face, tilting his head to see all of his injuries. "What happened to you..?" He asks, his throat bobbing as he gulps. Steve really can't help but smile as he feels the boy's touch.

"It's a long story, and I don't really feel like shortening it at the moment." He says with a small smile, unintentionally leaning into Eddie's touch before he pulls his hands away to take a step back. Eddie takes a deep breath, fidgeting with his rings.

"C'mon." He says quietly, nodding towards his van. Steve hasn't actually been inside of it before, having to kick away a soda can at his feet, which Eddie quickly tosses to the back. Steve really can't help but notice the little things– things that he himself would do if he were to try and impress someone if he was Eddie. The way Eddie makes his van look somewhat clean so Steve doesn't think little of him, cracking the windows so the smell of weed isn't so strong, turning his loud music down as not to irritate Steve's pounding skull nor his sick stomach.

"The trailer is a bit of a mess– I know you don't care, I just.. you know." Eddie says with a small shrug, running a hand over his face. Steve doesn't even care that he's staring, hours ago he thought he was going to die, he wants to stare at a pretty face while he still can. He's not going to say anything any time soon, but he will eventually. Eventually. Even if eventually never comes, he'll be happy as long as he gets to be near Eddie. Near this boy that actually seems to care for him. He's drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he drives, a habit Steve has notices. He's always tapping his fingers against something, whether it's his desk or his thighs or, obviously, the steering wheel. Steve doesn't think he's ever been this content to just sit next to someone, music playing quietly as the streetlights pass. Eddie keeps glancing over, clearly worried, but Steve is just smiling.

"You're sure you're okay?" Eddie asks, and Steve just nods a little. "I feel a lot better than I look. I think it's those pills they gave me before you came and got me."

Eddie still looks worried however, and stays practically stuck to Steve as he cleans himself up, scrubbing the blood off his skin before realizing that the bathroom sink probably isn't doing much.

"You mind if I take a shower?" He asks, and Eddie shakes his head. "No.. no, go ahead. Water might be cold at first, you have to turn the hot water all the way and wait for a minute so it heats up." He explains, still looking a bit shaken up.

When Steve gets out, there's a pair of sweatpants and a shirt waiting for him, both clearly Eddie's. He slips them on, looking at himself in the mirror, at how they fit a bit differently on him than they'd fit Eddie. They're the same height, but very obviously different builds. The clothes smell like detergent, but also something else. Something oh so clearly Eddie, to the point that the smell is still there even when the clothes are clean. It makes Steve feel a bit weird about himself, the fact he's smelling clothes because they smell like Eddie, but he hardly even notices he's doing it.

He likes this boy, its true, more than he's liked anybody ever.

This is gonna hurt Steve in the end, isn't it?

But what if there is no end? What if there's actually no beginning? Neither of them truly know what's going to happen, nobody does, especially with the Upside Down existing with a bunch of 13 year olds and about four 18 year olds being the only ones who know about it.

Steve sits down on the couch just a little bit away from Eddie, both of them quiet in the moment. Eventually Steve might say something. Maybe it will be on one of their death beds or over a grave, maybe it will be in a year or a day, maybe it will never happen. He doesn't know.

But until then he'll savor this as much as he can.

Tag list (open!): @manda-panda-monium @gregre369 @she-collects-smut @irregular-child @oatmilk-vampire @cartercaptainofthemoon @fairytalesreality @jhrc666

#stranger things #joe keery #steve harrington #joseph quinn #eddie munson #joe quinn #steddie #Moonlight steddie fic #i love you guys #Thanks so much for supporting me and my silly little gay stories #mwah mwah mwah

[buckleyseddie]

all i can say is, i was enchanted to meet you .・。.・゜✭ [1] [2] [3]

happy birthday @cowboy-buck ♡

#buddie #buddie edit #eddie's thumb on buck's collarbone just for you <3 #also peak the folklore font!! #also for you <3 #happy birthday part 2 mwah i love you!! #monse edits

[doltclassic]

i find it scrumptious that when it comes to character death, we go thru the stages of grief in reverse order. like, watching it happen for the first time is like OH GOD FUCK (acceptance), and then the fandom content the first few days after is all angst and the other characters grieving (depression), and then come the theories as to how that character could have actually possibly survived what happened... (bargaining), and after that comes the ardent rage @ the creators when we as fans remember who's responsible for burying our gays (anger), and finally we all suddenly and collectively remember that we don't have to listen to canon and we can in fact create our own, better content than what we were given (denial). thank u for coming to my ted talk etc there are snacks in the lobby

#eddie munson #eddie kaspbrak #all the deadies #and also others obviously but these are the two fandoms i watched go through this in real time #nevermind that IT was published in 1986 we all thought andy muschietti was gonna do somethin revolutionary. but he did not </3 #stranger things s4 spoilers #steddie #reddie #fuck it #love you it chapter two fandom you are my home and my lighthouse mwah

[marshmellowpaint]

A lil gift for @flowercrowngods 🎄💖 (based off of THIS drabble ehehe)

#dio dio dio im late waaaah BUT I hope you had a lovely day either way!!! happy holidays mwah mwah mwah #stranger things #st #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #my art hhhh

[matan4il]

finally got caught up on the episodes from this season!!! prepare for blog stalking over the next couple days. i m so excited to see your stuff!!!!!!!

Aaaaaah, you absolute sweetheart! :D I am SO HAPPY you got caught up, and there is sincerely nothing that I love more than blog stalking. Just seeing people going through posts, liking and reblogging, it’s so wonderful! I may not post about it, I don’t know if it would make people feel uncomfortable if I did, but of course I see it and it makes my heart jump for joy. I adore the idea that someone’s having fun, going through my blog, enjoying the content I made or shared from others. I hope that’ll be the case for you, hon! And I hope the new pinned post is helping you find all the content you’re looking to catch up on! Sending tons of hugs and love! xoxox

(as always, here’s my ask tag)

#buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #evan buck buckley #911 #ask #bookwormcheerleader #fandom love #kindness #thank you! #so much! #<3333 #i hope you enjoy every single second! #MWAH #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

[buck-yyyy]

anon message shall be brief cuz i am sooo ocerstimulated and tired but i. love you somuch. you’re the best and yuo are so cool i love you

anon. nonnie. nonnie i love you too mwah mwah mwah <33333 please go to sleep!!! yay sleep!!!

#i think i know who this is #if i’m correct- eddie i love you mwah #coolest dude around #bestie mutual fr <3333 #asks!!! #mates!!!

[transbuck]

if you were stuck in an elevator with any 911 character, which one would you want it to be?

oh god being stuck in an elevator is like, one of my worst nightmares i haaaaate being stuck anywhere

gotta go bobby for this one, i need a dad figure there or i'll freak out asdlkfjasd

honesty hour - ask me anything!

#i think i'd be cool with anyone except maybe eddie bc i just don't think we'd get along #i love him with all my heart and soul #but we are too similar #we would just sit in opposite corners of the elevator and not talk #ask game #thank you MWAH!

[corrodedcoughin]

Hello!!! How're you?? Hope you're well!! I'm currently having Munson family feelings lmao

Please imagine lil pre teen Eddie settling in with Wayne, finding his footing, becoming more open in a way that he wasn't with his father. And he's really getting into his dnd. Has the manuals Wayne got him for his birthday one year. A mini or two. And he wants to get better at DMing, but he can't practice with his group because that would ruin the surprise of it all. So one day, he shyly asks Wayne if he'll practice with him. Fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and shuffling his feet. Isn't 100% sure what Wayne will think just yet

And to his surprise, Wayne says yes. And Eddie just... lights up. Smiles a big megawatt grin and starts talking about how it'll be super fun uncle Wayne you won't regret it!!!

They spend an evening making Wayne a character - a human called Wayne, they're keeping it simple - while they eat Mac n cheese for dinner. Wayne loves how happy it makes Eddie. How carefree.

And on Wayne's next day off, when Eddie doesn't have school, they play together. A mini campaign, just for the two of them. Eddie practices his skills, gets to play dnd, and hang out with his uncle all in one go. It's kind of everything to them. It's a lighthearted adventure where Wayne goes on a quest to get the perfect bait so he can go fishing and catch his dream fish. Eddie tells him what dice to roll, helps him fight a goblin and a bear, and puts on all sorts of voices for the characters Wayne meets. Eddie gets so wrapped up in it all, so excited. But when it ends he's all nerves - bitten lips and wringing his hands.

Did Wayne like it?? Did he have fun?? Was Eddie good??

And Wayne honestly says it wasn't quite his thing but he had a lot of fun. Eddie is a damn fine storyteller, has a real knack for the dramatics. He'll impress his friends, for sure.

And idk!!! I love Eddie and Wayne exploring their dynamic and figuring out where they stand with each other those first few years. It would have been a bumpy ride but they love each other!!!

Wayne getting in from grocery shopping on a Saturday, he likes to go really early so he can avoid Sally Knowles town gossip extraordinaire who Kees letting Wayne know ‘people are gonna talk if you don’t give that nephew of yours a Mothering presence in his life’ Wayne’s heard enough of it. So while it means he has to get up early, he’ll do it to escape the song and dance of busy bodies.

He’s making his way up the trailer steps, bags of groceries in hand (he’s a one trip kind of man and won’t be changed) when he hears a voice behind the door. The muffled and rushed but excited voice of his nephew barely audible through the rustling of groceries and the clattering of god knows what in the trailer - ‘okay. Okay he’s here. Go time. Show time. Time to shine. Story telling powers on.’

Wayne can see Eddie in his minds eye, turning an invisible switch at his temple. A ritual he started for their very first session. The boy had been nervous then and now, four - games? Chapters? Wayne wasn’t sure - in the nerves were still there but the excitement far outweighed them.

Opening the door, Wayne flicked his eyes over to the couch were Eddie was propped up, books spread out on the coffee table and rudimentary map laid across the table top.

Eddie’s head shot up, ‘I’ll help!’, scrambling to his feet to take some of Wayne’s provisions off of him.

‘You in a rush, son? Normally I’m shouting you through to give me a hand with these?’ Wayne was teasing. Could see that Eddie was conflicted, had Wayne forgotten that he promised to finish the story today? That it was going to find the Pond Of Dreams? Wayne loved the kid but he wanted to have a little fun too.

Setting the bags down and putting the freezer items away, everything else could wait. Not even glancing down at Eddie, Wayne stretched tall and exaggerated ‘think I need a nap after that. Don’t mind me Ed, gonna get some shut eye.’ And the thing is he couldn’t look at Eddie, if he did he’d crumble and it would all be for naught. One glance of Eddie in his home sewn cape and it’s be over.

So he hot footed it to the bathroom, hoping Eddie wouldn’t question the pre-nap detour or the backpack he was taking with him.

He could hear Eddie mumbling, frustration and disappointment evident in his tone. Then the tv going on, cartoons on high volume as he tried to distract himself. Which is when Wayne decided to re-appear, clad in his full fishing gear and rod. Along side a toy lizard he velcroed to his shoulder.

‘Well boy, you ready to go fantasy fishing? Heard there’s a dream pond waiting to be found’ Wayne tipped his fishing hat like a cowboy as Eddie’s eyes grew wide, scanning the outfit. It wasn’t much but Wayne tried to add the little details as he could; the potion belt of healing (an ammo belt he borrowed from somebody at work), the spear character wayne earned in his first battle (a pvc tube Scott Clarke was happy to provide after their last dinner where Wayne recounted Eddie’s tales) and of course -

‘Is that Creedence?!’ Eddie finally speaking up and pointing at the lizard, the decided companion and helper to Wayne in his journey.

‘Sure is kid, think he’s ready to roll. The question is, are you?’ It’s not the easiest thing for Wayne to do, sometimes he feels silly with all the fantasy and character voices that Eddie insists upon but when it makes the boy this happy? This unguarded and free? Who is Wayne to say no? Maybe the sillyness is good for him, good for both of them.

#MOMO WHEN I SAY I PUT A HAND TO MY MOUTH AND GASPED!!! OUT OF SHEER JOY!!!!! #GIGGLING AND SQUEAKING!!!! #MR MUNSON!!!!! #oh I LOVE HIM #SO MUCH #snuck some clarkson in there for the eagle eyed amongst you #AHHHH MUNSON BOYS JUST LEARNING ABOUT EACH KTHER #what if after Steve and Eddie get together steve is round at the trailer #and there’s an ongoing conversation (it’s NOT an argument okay? (it is)) #about Steve playing dnd and Steve’s all ‘wayne will you please tell Eddie not everyone in his life has to play dnd ‘ #and Wayne just has to sit there like ‘well Steve that’d be the pot calling the kettle black’ #and Steve is in SHOCK ‘YOU? he got YOU???’ #and Eddie’s sitting on the couch smug as a pig in shite ‘first ever story stevie’ #AAAAAAA MOMO KISSED AND HUGD AND PRAISE AND ADORATION FOR YOH!!!! #stranger things #eddie munson #wayne munson #THANK YOU THANK YOU MWAH I’ve not got much to offer I just LOVE YOUR WORDS!! #I always do that shouldn’t be a surprise. #do you know how lucky I feel to get your messages???? #UNREAL

[eddies-ashtray]

Hi I am physically incapable of reading Eddie angst around that episode but I will remind you that you're a brilliant writer!!! Despite my better judgement, I read everything before the read more because I love your writing sm, and I physically felt my heart pang!!! So thank you!!! I can go no further!!! (Seriously you're very talented I'm just a baby 😭).

- manicpixiedreamcurl

ms jo! honestly it’s an honour that you’d even read that far, so thank you so much <33 i’m tempted to start a back and forth of ‘no you!’s whenever you compliment my writing, but i will graciously accept your very kind compliment and also acknowledge that i think you are also a brilliant writer and i love love love everything you write!

#ask #mwah!! #like seriously you’ve written some of my favourite eddie fics #i’ve read and reread one in particular 👀 #and the more you give??? that shitROCKS like it’s every trope i love in one fic #but i digress!

[no-mercy-bby]

i don’t really ship eddie and chrissy but i was listening to some country music and this song reminded me of them

YES YES YES ABSOLUTELY!!

I love this so much Naylo, thank you <333

I can just imagine Chrissy singing this quietly while she's washing dishes or something in Munson trailer. Eddie of course hears her and her song, but instead of teasing her singing immediately, he hides around the corner listening to her pretty voice with the biggest lovesick grin.

#i actually got teary eyed thinking about it #this is so💞💗💕 #hellcheer #eddissy #stranger things #eddie munson x chrissy cunningham #naylo <333 #naylo im in love with you thank you so much mWAH #bby ask #bby song rec #anywaysss #WHEN IS IT MY TURN TO BE HAPPY- #we love dolly in this house❗❗ #i actually did start crying gosh