#not great timing when I'm already feeling more isolated and lonely than i have in a long time

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 12: Limerick

LIIIIIMMMMEEERRRRIIICCCCKKKK!

OK so full disclosure, I wrote this yesterday. The two reasons are a) I knew I'd be busy today with no time to do it and b) after Kuala Lumpur I needed to get in a listen of my third favorite Cabin Pressure episode to remind myself what I love so much about this show. It was a Good Decision.

I mean, what is there to say that hasn't already been said by so many? It's hilariously funny, beautifully constructed, full of great character moments, and gives us a game of 20 Questions to play alongside of. (Though I WILL admit, the visual of a game of charades to try to convey/guess what's in the box... does definitely tickle me lol.) There are so many different moving pieces and they all slot in together SO WELL.

I said in a previous post that Limerick is the episode I listen to when I'm feeling lonely. (Incidentally, it's also probably the episode I've listened to the most, period. I wish there was a way to figure out how many times, because I wouldn't be surprised if it's 100+.) I decided that while listening this time I'd try to bear that in mind, and see what it is about the episode that just works for those moments. And I think that there are a bunch of different things that all work together-

For one thing, and this almost doesn't need to be said, but it's just... really funny! And listening to funny things is just generally a great way to feel better about things. Pretty self-explanatory.

It's also the episode that, more than any other, is us basically eavesdropping on a bunch of people talking to each other and hanging out. It's in real time, as though we're just listening in on the satcom or whatever, and there's something nice, when you're alone, about listening in on others, especially others who you've come to love, having a nice time.

More than that, loneliness is a bit of a theme in this episode. Martin and Carolyn admit that they're lonely in their personal lives, and Douglas, after initially lying through his teeth about it, admits that he's newly alone as well, after being betrayed by a wife who he loved (I'm still not over the brown sauce thing). For one thing, when you're lonely, hearing other people say they're lonely is always nice; for another, knowing that Martin and Carolyn, at least, will end up meeting people who make them happy is a nice booster.

And for a third thing... well, it plays into what I've been saying about how so much of what I love about this show is how characters become closer through showing vulnerability. Feeling alone can be (almost tautologically) isolating, and admitting it to other people can take a lot of courage, especially when it's tied up in other related insecurities. Martin's loneliness is tied in, in his mind at least, with his not being a "real" paid airline pilot; Carolyn's is admitted to despite her wanting to project that feeling of control and fulfillment that running her own business gives her; and Douglas's... well, it's basically a semi-deconstruction of a mythos. Being left is bad enough, but being cheated on... especially for someone who said back in Fitton that he and Helena were united by a shared belief that he is terrific, this is a pretty big sea change to admit to having happened. And it's a big thing for him to admit he's upset about, and to accept condolences about from Martin; he moves past that part pretty quickly by making jokes about tai chi, but he's much less bitter than he was back in Gdansk, when it was a lot fresher and he felt a lot more unbalanced. An episode where Douglas is vulnerable will always be an interesting episode- and one that really symbolizes that they're becoming inextricably connected.

(I'll also add parenthetically that the flight being one that carries horse sperm from one end of the world to the other is an interesting symbolism for loneliness and lack of connection... and leave it there because, like Arthur, thinking about it too long mildly grosses me out lol.)

Anyway, so much else to say about it but I won't belabor the point- just to say.... this episode, like Gdansk, has been so incredibly important to me for so long that it's almost hard to even try to break it down into elements. And I'll take this moment to thank John Finnemore for having written it.

Tomorrow (so to speak)... Molokai!

#cabin pressure #cabin pressure advent #cabin pressure advent 2023 #john finnemore #limerick

[thickenmyblood]

hi maca. i was wondering if laurent and his friends are meant to seem a little hypocritical or if i’m misreading them? through damen’s pov we see him tackling various issues he’s been bigoted or ignorant about, and i got a sense that these were all topics he and laurent/laurent’s friends really disagreed on. but it doesn’t seem like laurent et al.’s philosophies match up with their actions? like damen’s issues around sexism and gender—laurent et al. also don’t seem to have any female friends, at least none that have been seen or mentioned as important. or mental health—damen had a lot of misconceptions that hurt laurent, but now laurent’s willing to put his friend in a treatment center against his will, really violating his bodily autonomy. or classism—laurent and ancel have experienced poverty, but now choose to surround themselves with wealthy people. they don’t really seem to have any middle class friends or anyone in their former positions. by contrast, laurent most recently brought maxime into their circle, an ultrarich person with an equestrian club/villa/etc. so overall i’m wondering if i’m being too harsh on them, or if laurent and his friends are more egalitarian in thought than in deed? even if they think or speak differently than damen, it doesn’t seem like they act much different

hello! this is a very interesting question. it has taken me a long, long time to reply but at last! here we are. my answer will be divided into three different sections.

1. gender

I agree that it comes across as hypocritical that Laurent is always quick to point out Damen's toxic views on masculinity and femininity when he himself doesn't have any female friends (at least not on page). you can 100% interpret this as hypocrisy because the text supports your analysis perfectly. this Laurent, as neo has already pointed out, has a lot of toxic traits that might be an echo of his own abuser's actions. I liked the fact that in canon the regent hated women, so I really wanted to keep that. I'm not saying hiuh Laurent hates women. on the contrary, I PERSONALLY think that because he grew up isolated and under his uncle's influence, he might not be the best when it comes to socializing/maintaining interpersonal relationships with women.

I also think there's a really interesting discussion to be had about how (in this case) men that are part of the LGBTQ group can sometimes think they are liberal and progressive simply bc they belong to said group. sadly, this exceeds the limits of the story, but it's still interesting to think about.

lastly, to be completely honest, the only reason why ancel is not shown with female friends is that I did not want to keep writing original characters. ancel feeling lonely and left behind was a huge plot point in his arch to become Damen's friend and so I benefited greatly from keeping things like that. as for aimeric, he has no friends other than ancel and Laurent because he is meant to be read as a deeply unlikeable and misunderstood character. once again, characterization limits the story quite a bit.

2. mental health and body autonomy

this is such a great point that you and other people have made both here and on AO3. I agree: Laurent playing Aimeric so that he gets committed is a violation on aimeric's rights and trust and overall dignity.

a. why then will this not be addressed?

because this is damen's pov. yes, he has grown a lot, his journey with mental health education has been long and hard and has had many rewards. BUT I do not think he is at a point in which he is THAT aware or educated on issues like this. when writing and editing this i did not feel it would be organic to have Damen contradict Laurent on this. however, other characters have pointed out that they do not agree with Laurent's views/intervention (ancel and jord -> remember Laurent and damen's conversation at the park).

I understand that a lot of people are very upset with how hiuh does not address some issues, and I want to take this opportunity to reply to those loud and valid complaints. a story cannot deal with everything. it can't solve everything. it can't address every problematic issue that arises within the narrative. why? because if it did, I believe it would read a lot like preaching. when you write something, you have a main plot (sometimes main plots that connect) and subplots. Aimeric is a side character and his story is quite literally a tiny brick in the wall that is hiuh. taking an interest in a subplot is great, but expecting the subplot to be too relevant is (TO ME) a bit of a reach.

b. does Laurent know this is wrong? why is he approaching this issue this way?

i believe there is a part of Laurent that knows this is the wrong approach, which is why he seeks to talk it out with Damen and does not simply act on his own/in secret. in some ways, damen's simplicity has acted as a good moral compass to him before.

Laurent's past institutionalization has been mentioned a couple of times, and I thought perhaps that would be clue enough to unlock that part of his reasoning. evidently, the feedback I've received from multiple people has made me realize I have an important task to complete as I'm editing the final chapters, which is to make this facet of Laurent more evident and on page. hopefully, when the story is over you will come to understand (KEY POINT: NOT APPROVE OF) his reasoning.

c. is Laurent lying when he tells Damen he didn't provoke Aimeric into using the knife on himself?

as usual, I'm not the reading police. I don't, generally speaking, care about how you read this as long as it's not... you know, in bad faith or purposefully poking around for weak spots (see: disingenuous reading). PERSONALLY, I wrote this fic with the intention of Laurent NOT being the reason Aimeric gets committed. Aimeric gets committed time and time again bc he is in desperate need of mental health aid. NOT bc of Laurent's interventions.

now, if you wish to read the scene where Laurent tells Damen that he didn't actually get to provoke Aimeric with some trauma baits (see: aimeric's brother) then it's not like I can stop you. if you feel like the text supports that analysis... be my guest.

3. economic class

I have spoken at length about this before in other asks but there is no reason why you or anyone reading this should know of my previous replies.

economic class is not well written in hiuh. this fic is not meant to be read in any way, shape or form as a study on class, classism, what my personal take on rich people is, etc. to answer your question, yes, ancel and Laurent have both experienced poverty, but they've done so in very different situations. ancel was born into poverty and struggled through it until well into his young adult years when he met berenger. on the other hand, Laurent was rich as a kid up until the moment he decided to go against his uncle and take him to court in a legal battle that lasted (roughly) around a year. this experience obviously changed and shaped Laurent as a person and it is a huge source of tension between him and Damen, but the story is told through damen's pov. Damen has NEVER experienced poverty, economic struggle, need, hunger, desperation... this story is not about this particular issue. I cannot make it about this or else there would be no story bc i believe people that have damen's kind of money would never, EVER, behave the way Damen behaves in this.

there is one character that is """"supposed"""" to represent a more middle class background: jord. HOWEVER, as I've said, this fic does NOT go into an analysis of class. it was not my goal as I wrote it nor is it now as I edit it.

to this day, hiuh is my longest and most intentionally layered work. it has gaps and holes and places where it falls short, as does every story. as does canon. if hiuh were, let's say, original fiction, then I am sure most of these issues would be the main point of many, many fanfics on AO3. fans wanting something different and better and edgier and softer and sadder is why I'm here in the first place. I wanted canon to be different, so I wrote fics. people want my fic to be different in some ways, but that's where fiction reaches a dead end. I cannot offer you, reading this and fuming over XYZ, any solution but to write another (better) version of this story.

what this doesn't mean: STOP COMMENTING YOUR OPINIONS!!! STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS!!!

what this does mean: a lot of criticism is valid, I am giving an explanation of my motives/limitations/creative choices. I am not "defending" myself bc for the most part I do not feel attacked.

final thoughts

i loved this question because as I read it and thought of an answer I could tell where you were coming from and that your wish to know more/understand the characters better was not malicious. yes, they are all hypocrites in some ways and you are very, very right to read the story that way. I am sorry that I sort of hijacked your ask as a way to reply to a lot of other people's comments and asks, but I am afraid that if I do not post this now as one single unified message that I will never have the chance to say this again.

thank you for your time and your careful (and critical!) reading of my story.

#hiuh #anon #i am not dead #(yet) #will try to post as soon as possible #this is annoying but i have so many answered asks in my drafts and i never post them bc i'm like.... bro #but you know what suckers it's my fucking blog #I'LL POST WHAT I WANT #so yes i'll post those too

[rosedominatesyou]

I had a great time last weekend at an event which was wall-to-wall trans people and I dressed slutty and wore a collar in public for the first time and it felt so good, but there were so many happy lovers there having a great time with their partners and now I'm back home on my own and I feel so bereft and isolated and I keep crying because I try so so hard to put myself out there and meet people and be seen but it never seems to be enough and I'm getting older and I just feel like my life is going to waste. I want so so badly to be with someone who understands me and it feels like a complete impossibility.

Um. I guess that wasn't a question. Could you hold me?

Hi there sweetie 💕

I understand your dilemma. Even in welcoming and happy environments, it can feel so lonely when you don’t already have someone to be there with. I know you’ve probably heard it before, but be patient with yourself dear. There are so many chances for you to meet someone.

I would suggest trying to meet people online in groups that attend events like the one you mentioned, whether that’s a pride event or a con - getting to know friends and potential partners and then having a common interest that can ground you will help develop your connections. Don’t worry if it doesn’t happen right away.

You are a strong person 💕 I’m sorry you feel so isolated. There are more people than you could possibly imagine that would be happy to know you.

#anon #asks #trans #transgender

[petruchio]

hope this isn't a weird and irrelevant reply to your personal post but honestly i really get what you mean. tbh i've been there too. i get how being in a place where you're confident in some aspects of yourself and doing enviable (?) things can be pretty isolating, especially if you're (perceived as) a woman, you feel like you're good at [insert some skills that matter to you], and you generally like the way you look. it can feel like you lack empathy because you don't share some of the insecurities that people around you experience and bond over (though you may be struggling with something different that they don't get), it can feel like you can't tell if you're a good friend or not because others talk about you in terms of what you've accomplished or what you have rather than who you are as a person, it can feel like your positive emotions aren't real because they're atypical and viewed as "unrelatable" idk. i feel like loving yourself and believing in your abilities is a net good but not a substitute for being around people who actually relate to your experiences. for me it's essentially feeling likable but not understandable (or understood), and ime it's something that isn't "solved" by having a lot of friends. it makes sense if you feel like that's not enough. not sure if any of this is actually similar to what you're going through, but i hope you get the chance to be around people who Get It, and i hope you feel less alone soon. you seem like a genuinely kind person on top of being great at writing/analysis -- i love the way you write about the things you're excited about. wishing you all the best <3

it's not weird or irrelevant AT ALL! it honestly always does make me feel better when i come on here and speak about something i'm struggling with and other people say, hey, yeah, me too. especially when the thing i'm complaining about is feeling alone, it's comforting to know that other people feel the same way. like, we're all lonely together, which makes us less alone in our loneliness.

and yeah i think you're right -- confidence is one of those weird things where the more you work on it, the more difficult it can become to relate to other people. people are always telling me i'm so confident and asking my advice on things and i'm always like... idk how to tell you to just stop caring what people are thinking. i mean, obviously i do care what people think of me, but maybe the problem is that because i'm my own worst critic, i can't imagine anyone hating me more than i already hate myself, which paradoxically means that i assume everyone loves me? or maybe it's because i can't imagine anyone genuinely giving a shit about what i do, so it's easy to just do whatever i want. because it's not that i don't care what people think, but just that i pretty much assume they aren't thinking about me, so why would i bother trying to impress them? (like some of my friends will describe in detail the logic behind their instagram story posts. and i'm just like... do you really think other people are noticing this? do you really think people care that much what you, some random person, is posting? it's kind of crazy to spend so much time thinking about yourself through the lens other people. just post if you think it's funny, or don't. nobody is actually thinking that much about you.)

but to your point, i feel like that is kind of where a lot of the loneliness comes from. because people describe certain insecurities or thought patterns that they have, and i'm just like yeah i truly cannot relate to that, or yeah, i would never do that. and when i do express things i'm struggling with, people act so shocked and never offer any kind of support because they're like "but your life is so perfect!" (which is INSANE! nobody has a perfect life! and i know it sounds like the most obnoxious problem ever, like oh my life is so great that nobody believes me when i say i'm still inexplicably sad, but it is a really isolating and lonely existence!!) and then i guess it kind of becomes a cycle where people say or do certain things, i don't relate to them at all, and then i wonder why i'm still struggling so much even though i'm honestly doing fine, and then i feel guilty for even struggling or feeling down because i don't really know what else i can do to get better, since again, i'm objectively doing fine.

i get what you mean about feeling likable but not understandable. recently i was on a second or third date with someone, and i had this weird out of body experience where it was like, i could see myself doing everything right -- i could see that he was totally into me and that i was saying all the right things and laughing at the right times and making the right jokes, but i didn't feel like a person? i knew i could make him like me, and that it wouldn't even be that hard, but i knew he would never actually know me, not even if we kept dating for years. he would always have just "liked" me, like you said. it was a really weird and uncomfortable feeling. i came home and wrote in my journal "sometimes i feel like i'm so good at pretending to be a person that i don't feel like i'm actually a person at all"

SORRY for these long rambling answers. i guess i'm feeling some type of way about my inability to function normally lately. being 24 is just weird i guess. it's uncomfortable and awkward and frustrating, and so much of it feels like this sense of cognitive dissonance between being really good at acting like an adult but still feeling like you just want to scream and cry and throw things like a toddler but you know you can't. i guess someday it will all make sense. or maybe it won't. but i'll keep writing about it either way <333

#answered #anonymous

[fairycosmos]

hey fairycosmos i was wondering if you could give me some assurances. i want to break it off with this guy i'm dating who hasn't been treating me right but i am so afraid of being alone and never finding anybody else. i know the relationship is not healthy and i'm not happy but i don't know if i will ever find anyone who can give me what i want

hello im very sorry to hear you're going through this :( it must be really difficult and you do deserve better than being put in such a difficult position!! one thing i will say is like. you're scared of being alone and of feeling lonely right but don't you already kind of feel that way, being involved with someone toxic? is this really the kind of intimacy that adequately soothes that fear of being isolated? aren't you already facing what you're so afraid of, in one way or another? and plus, while it can be really hard to believe when you've been stuck with the same person for a while, being single really isn't this great big point of suffering that the world wants you to believe it is. im not saying it's all sunshine and rainbows, but there's a certain freedom about it, and a comfort in knowing you're not at risk of being hurt. because i think that's really what the bottom line is - this dude isn't treating you right, and the more you experience that the deeper into this cycle of fear and uncertainty you'll fall. i might be off the mark here, and if i am just ignore me, but i kinda get the impression that you're waiting for the moment it'll feel "good" or "less scary" to end things with him, but something doesn't have to be easy for it to be necessary. like cleaning a wound with antiseptic and having to deal with the sting for the long term benefits. you know what i mean? it's ok if it's difficult and painful to break up with him. we can do difficult and painful things. what's not OK is allowing someone to mistreat you just because you're in the habit of it and you can't remember what it's like to not have him around. you can and will grow to get used to it again, you can and will grow to depend on yourself if given the opportunity. and as a side note - what makes you think he's the only person in the world whose ever going to be interested in you? there's billions of people out there. it's very very statistically likely you'll find another relationship if you seek one out in the future, whether you can see that right now or not. you don't think you'll find someone who can give you what you want, but clearly this guy isn't giving you what you want either. and you know that for sure, right? i understand that this is a really tough desicion and it's ok to not feel ready or to need time to work up the courage. but i really really wanna encourage you not to stay with someone shitty out of fear. leaving is always hard until you've left. sending a massive hug your way - please don't hesitate to talk to the people you trust around you about this, you deserve to feel supported and heard as you work through this emotional struggle. much love x

#anon

[bibbykins]

Yo, your stalker here again lol. I've been meaning to ask you this but always forgot it but remember when I asked you about what would household Jimin feel if bunny cheated, is it okay if I'd ask the whole household boys reaction to that? Like what would they say or do? Tho I know it's impossible in the universe (coz bunny's yandere for them too, I know I know *wink*) and the nearest scenario that this could happen is bunny getting mad at them for something and wanting to get back at them, thus finding someone and tryin to make them jealous (which bunny 1000000% mission accomplished)

Anyways don't pressure yourself and Merry Christmas/happy holidays!!!! It passed by like a normal day for me but I hope you're having fun. 💜💜

My stalker fsdkfns lmao pls

Happy belated holidays my dear!!

Now if MC were to cheat... oh boy

Warnings: delusional, obsessive, possessive, and general yandere behavior, toxic relationship, yelling, suicide threats, kidnapping/entrapment

Ofc she would never but it kinda depends on the reason. Like if it was because she was feeling lonely/isolated then the reaction would be still horrible but not as horrible as if she just did it bc she got bored. If that happened, full stop she'd become a prisoner basically. So if it were for the first reason:

Jungkook would be the most likely to lash out at her. He would never physically hurt her or anything, but he would yell. He'd also be the most self-loathing but instead of dealing with it, he would channel that into making sure she never leaves his sight again. I'm talking he's taking her everywhere and if for some reason he can't, he's making sure one of the guys are with her. Basically he's suffocates her just not literally lol

Taehyung... now that would be what breaks him. Like he was straight up scared of loving some partially for this reason. He'd take the manipulative route and ask "Should I kill myself? Would that make you happy?" Would hold that over her head but would never break up with her.

Namjoon is the one that would need to be talked out of just keeping her at the house. He would pull away and be cold to such a degree that she would have to beg for days and on her knees for him to forgive her. Even then, she'd be similarly stuck to his side at all times.

Hoseok reacts pretty similarly to Jimin, like there's no way it was your fault. He's the problem, and he'll fix it. If you feel alone, you won't be anymore. You don't need your own room or bed if you feel alone, so he'll burn them and you can stay with one of them kind of "coping"

Yoongi... Yeah, he's not going to take it well. He'll lash out similar to Jungkook at her but then he'll ask for an apology and he needs it to be sincere. If it is, great! They're still together, and she's now required to wear a ring with a tracker on and if she takes it off without one of them present... yikes, just don't

Jin would lose his marbles, more than he already has so rip. He'll manipulate her into begging and pleading for forgiveness by crying and despairing about what must be wrong with him that you did that. From then on, he manipulates her into doing anything he wants, even staying home all the time unless it's going somewhere with one of them.

Overall, they don't react well lmao

#ask #the household bts

[coll2mitts]

#15 A Star is Born (1954)

When life unfortunately imitates art.

A Star is Born is a tale of addiction and fame that has four film adaptations that have nothing to do with the fact it's clear Oscar bait (although Judy did famously lose this one to Grace Kelly).  Did you guys know the entertainment industry changes and exploits people?  I surely didn't realize this until now, and that's why the academy has consistently rewarded movies that talk about how weird Hollywood is.  Y'know.  Cause there's so few of them.

I'm being glib, as this movie is probably one of the more sympathetic views of the big studio system, for all its flaws.  It focuses on Esther Blodgett, a singer in a touring band, and how her encounter and subsequent relationship with big-star actor Norman Maine changed her career, and thus her life.  This film is 3 hours long (it used to be both shorter and longer, for reasons explained later), and it *feels* that long.  For every moment of levity there are 30 minutes of pain, and while this feels tedious sometimes, it does a great job of illustrating the highs and lows of caring for someone struggling with addiction.  They burn so brightly in those small moments when everything is spectacular that it's almost worth slogging through the periods of grim instability that does nothing but foreshadow a bleak future.

For those of you unfamiliar with the story I will give a rundown below.  If you're curious how this 1954 version differs from the other three films, Be Kind Rewind has an excellent video that you should watch after reading this.  Seriously though, check out her channel, it's incredibly informative.

Esther Blodgett (Judy Garland) and the Glenn Williams Orchestra, lead by her buddy Danny McGuire (the adorable Tommy Noonan, who will forever be Gus in my eyes) have booked a gig during a benefit concert.  Norman Maine, a famous Hollywood actor, is supposed to perform as well, but he shows up drunk as a skunk and is having much more fun harassing the cast and crew than he is preparing to go on stage.  While his PR agent Matt Libby has correctly identified Norman is in no position to be in front of people, he tries to distract him by sending him to the dressing rooms to be interviewed.  This works for about 5 minutes until he hulks out and joins Esther and the gang on stage just for funsies.

In the sprit of 'fuck it, we'll do it live', Esther succeeds in getting Norman involved with the act as comedic relief, he gets the positive attention he craves from the audience, and everyone laughs like this isn't a big disaster played out in public.

Norman tries to thank Esther for saving him from looking even more like an ass by trying to get her to go to a second location with him.  Even though Esther finds this strangely sweet, Danny wisely helps her escape to their next gig and Libby takes Norman home to sleep it off.  That would be the end of it if Norman didn't arise from the grave like a vampire at 2:30am to hunt down Esther like she's his prey.  He finds her at a club on Sunset where her and her friends are rehearsing, and oh my god, it's so glorious.

I love Judy's voice; I get goosebumps every time I hear her.  She's such a powerhouse.

Also, FUN FACT: The composer of this song, Harold Arlen, scored Gay Purr-ee, so if you also think "The Man That Got Away" bares a striking resemblance to "Paris is a Lonely Town", there's a legitimate reason for that.

A now-sober Norman bombards Esther with metaphors about her excellence and gradually isolates her from the group by physically dragging her around.  Danny tries to separate them, but Esther leaves with Norman all the same to go back to her place and discuss her career goals.  When she reveals she wants to get a #1 record on Hit Parade, Norman retorts that Esther's dream is not big enough and she's wasting her time paling around with undignified gig musicians.  Esther is only slightly insulted by Norman's blatant disregard of the work she's already put in to get where she is, but buys into his promise to snag her a screen test.  Esther then breaks Danny's heart by quitting the band and asking them to move on to San Francisco without her.  Danny tries to change her mind by suggesting she might not want to trust a flake (no matter how charming he is), but Esther believes Norman sees potential in her nobody else has, igniting her desire to aim higher.

Of course Norman gets loaded after leaving Esther's house and his late night call to the head of the studio, Oliver Niles, is completely blown off as Norman trying to impress some broad he likes.  Instead, the studio ships Norman out to work on his next picture, completely abandoning Esther for 5-6 weeks.  Esther, never hearing back from Norman, moves into a cheaper place and gets a job as a roller skating waitress in an attempt to make ends meet while she attends auditions.  She manages to book a VO gig singing in a shampoo commercial, which helps Norman locate her upon his return because he recognizes her distinct voice on the television.  After tracking Esther down at the boarding house she's slumming in, Norman finally follows through with his promise and lands her a screen test.

This montage of Esther and Norman separating and reuniting is particularly bizarre as it is presented as pages in Esther's scrapbook - still sepia-tinted images with the character's dialogue dubbed over it.  It didn't feel intentional, as some of the scenes are live action, like a car or a bus pulling away from a building, or a shot of a woman's hand dipping into shampoo.  I initially assumed this artistic decision was to cut down the film's length, but the dialogue was still there, so it wasn't succeeding if that were the goal.  I later discovered the version of the film I was watching was the "restored" director's version, as the original wide-release had 30 minutes removed by order of the studio in an effort to cut down its considerable runtime.  Unfortunately, when Ron Haver, the film curator at the L.A. County Museum of Art, attempted to find the lost footage for the film's 1983 re-release, he discovered these scenes were truly lost to time (literally, as they could not find the original film reels).  Their "remedy" included displaying production stills with VO from the audio tapes they were able to locate.  Honestly, I think all of this particular section could have stayed on the cutting room floor, as it's a 30-minute detour that ends with Norman getting Esther the screen test, anyway.  I'm assuming these scenes were included as a way to show Norman struggling to help Esther despite his alcoholism, and Esther's new commitment to become famous.  We get those impressions through their initial interactions, so this not-so-little side-quest truly feels redundant. Later lost scenes, however, such as (spoiler alert) Norman's marriage proposal to Vicki, are pretty baffling omissions. I don't think the cuts robbed Judy of her Oscar win like Lorna Luft does, but it does fuck up the movie's continuity.

Upon Esther's first visit to the studio, the makeup department completely change her look after going into great detail about her flaws.  Norman hates the outcome and redoes her makeup to restore Esther's natural beauty.  Although Esther is nervous, she nails the audition and starts to book small parts, like those that require putting on a full face of makeup only to wave out the window of a train.  They even yell at her when they see her face, which is as blatant of a metaphor for being a woman in showbusiness if I ever saw one.  After the studio changes Esther's name to Vicki Lester, Norman convinces Oliver to cast Vicki as the lead in a new picture after their previous one bailed.  Upon release, the film becomes a wild success, and Vicki Lester's star quickly rises.

Y'know, I really want to take a tally of the percentage of the musicals on this list that feature their white stars in blackface or parody other racial stereotypes, cause it's more than I thought it would be.  Judy's daughter Lorna has mentioned Judy's foray into impersonating other races was "of its time", but I'm finding it incredibly exhausting and lazy that blackface is consistently used as shorthand for being poor or othered.

While the first half of this movie isn't necessarily incredibly upbeat, the rest of it goes downhill from here.  While Norman's newly released movie is getting terrible reviews, everyone is now obsessed with Vicki.  Feeling as though he's done what he could to introduce Esther to the world, Norman tries to leave her, citing he's an too-old disaster that will only drag her down.  Esther responds to this by confessing her love to him, and instead of Norman bailing, they quickly get engaged in the creepiest eavesdropping-est way on the back of the promise that Norman will quit drinking.

The pair first run to the head of the studio because apparently they need his permission to move forward with this doomed marriage.  Oliver gives his approval hoping that Vicki will be the positive influence that helps Norman stay on the straight and narrow. While Libby feels as if they're setting a trap for Vicki, he agrees to spin the story for the positive in order to give Norman some much needed good press.  Of course they exhaust any temporary good-will Libby was extending to them when the embarrassingly-named Mr. Earnest Sydney Gubbins and Esther Blodgett elope to a tiny courthouse to get married in secret.  When they reach their roadside motel honeymoon destination, Vicki hears her new song "It's a New World" on the radio as it reaches #1 on Hit Parade, implying that all of Esther's dreams have now come true.

They start their new life by purchasing an expensive house on a ocean-side cliff, only for Oliver to break the news to Norman that the studio has decided to let him go because of his inconsistent behavior.  Libby publicly plays it off like Norman is pursuing other opportunities, while in reality he's relegated to a house husband, making sandwiches, taking messages, and pensively putting golf balls.  While Norman seems generally supportive of Vicki's budding career, a delivery man calls him Mr. Lester and the bruise to Norman's ego sends him into a bender.  This starts to jeopardize Vicki's career when Norman decides to crash her Oscar acceptance speech by stumbling on stage and publicly declaring he needs a job. 

3 months later, Norman is in rehab and Vicki is on set filming her latest movie.  When Oliver comes to check on her, Vicki breaks down to one of the few people that understand her predicament, as she's both frustrated and scared by Norman's behavior.

Judy serves a heartbreaking performance during this monologue, with many speculating that this particular story hit too close to home.  Judy's life somewhat mimicked Norman's, as she was fired from MGM because of her inconsistent behavior as a result of her own addictions.  She was forced into the entertainment industry before she turned 3 years old, and even as a child was given amphetamines to keep her working and skinny. As she got older those habits became harder to break, especially when barbiturates were added to the mix to help her sleep. Most of her life had been spent earning money to provide for her parents, and then her own family, without the ability to choose if she could keep her pregnancies, or take time off after she was allowed to have Liza, in order to keep the checks rolling in for the studio. After years of constantly working with the help of prescription drugs, Judy struggled with mental health issues that the studio went through great lengths to hide, and the press was ecstatic to exploit.

Judy's husband at this time, Sid Luft, produced A Star is Born in order to cast Judy in this role and make the movie a musical.  Filming was difficult, but both Judy and James gave outstanding performances, as you feel the love between them while the heartbreak of addiction takes a toll on their marriage. Judy and Sid's relationship similarly didn't work out, as Sid confessed it was too difficult being with her.  Judy hated him toward the end of her life as custody battles kept her from her children. If you've listened to any interview with Judy or her kids, she was incredibly loving and supportive of them, valuing her family over everything else. She ended her life completely disillusioned with the same industry that lifted her up, because they were even more gleeful in knocking her down by depriving her of her own voice.

Judy is mostly remembered as a young girl belting out "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", or bounding around with Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire in romantic comedies, but this movie (specifically this scene) shows how underrated as a dramatic actress she was. The end scene of this movie between Esther and Danny legitimately scared the director, as Judy had never screamed on camera before. During Judy's eulogy, James Mason said "she could wring tears out of hearts of rock," and he's not wrong.

Upon Norman's release, he runs into Libby, who lashes out at him in frustration, leading to a physical altercation that Norman follows up with another bender.  After several days of no-contact, Oscar and Esther find him in jail on a drunk and disorderly charge after he crashes his car, and Esther begs the judge to let him come home with her so she can take care of him.  She puts Norman to bed and confides in Oliver she's quitting the business to take care of her husband and give his sobriety a fighting chance.  She has forced herself to believe that love will now be enough, and that Norman can be fixed if she can devote her time to him.  When Oliver protests because Norman's career is through, Esther reiterates she wouldn't have her career without Norman's connections and encouragement.  Unfortunately Norman overhears this conversation from the other room, and takes it upon himself to release Esther from the burden of being his wife by wading into the ocean and drowning.

As much as Esther wants to process her grief in her own time, her good friend Danny pushes her to rejoin the land of the living by attending the same benefit concert she performed at a year ago when she met Norman.  Norman was incredibly proud of the fact he discovered Vicki, and Danny posits he would be disappointed if she threw it all away because of him.  Vicki decides to show up at the shrine, and when she takes the stage to introduce herself as Mrs. Norman Maine, the crowd goes wild.  While they were dismissive of Norman and his disease while he was alive, they revere him and support Vicki after his death.

This is not a movie I would revisit often, as it emotionally takes a toll, but this is an absolute must-watch. Judy's performance proves why she's considered a legend - she's funny, flirty, hopeful, frustrated, heartbroken, and devastated, and all-the-while her voice is a goddamn masterpiece. James Mason similarly does a splendid job at portraying a charismatic and caring, but flawed and proud protagonist. I'm fairly uninterested in seeing the other versions, as I could easily be happy with this being the definitive telling of this story. Judy is absolutely everything, I don't know why anybody else would even try competing with her performance.

Thanks for reading!  If you’ve enjoyed this post, please consider helping me fund this project by donating to my ko-fi :)

#unwarranted opinion #100 best musical movies of all time rotten tomatoes

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Loved that last kintsugi chapter! I was actually suspecting Matt because of the title (familiar face II) and oh boy he is very persistent and so in character. I love it. I admit that I'm weak for Peter Matt interactions so all this near meetings make me really happy! Not Frank though. He's definitely not happy about it and idk how he's going to convince Matt not to chase Peter down and talk to him after being so close to him when he's like this.

Frank's going to have to worry about stalker lawyers for sure.

Really cute how Frank was trying to help Peter with Michelle with the whole "hold her bag" he's officially adopted him omg Peter is in for the long haul here and he probably won't like how Frank's going to keep being overprotective (well, normal protective because being a vigilante is really not a good thing for a kid)

Also I love how you write MJ she's great. Every character in the fic is great tbh I love all your characterizations

This has been half-answered in my drafts for MULTIPLE CHAPTERS and i am so very sorry that i didn’t answer sooner. 

MJ’s like one of my favorite characters of all time and I LOVE zendayas take on her and could write an entire essay on why. She’s so fun to write I love her soooo much it’s just peak weird girl energy. A lot of people seem to not like her because she’s not like the original Mary Jane model but i could write another entire essay on why she’s an entirely plausible multiversal product of the same core traits. I love her so much. She’s my absolute favorite MJ and MJ’s one of my favorite characters so it’s just fantastic

Franks so funny to me he’s like already accepted the fact that peters too stupid to live and too smart to not find the trouble he’s looking for and he’s going to have to be on babysitting until it’s peters wedding day. meanwhile peters still trying to puzzle out the moral implications of having the punisher be within ten feet of him for an extended period of time.

The Matt in the first step of kintsugi is one of my favorite versions of matt and it makes me sad that we don’t see too much of him. I’ve spoken a little bit in other posts about why that is, but I still wish i could have him be more present here. He’s such an intensely lonely person, and I think the interesting thing about him right now is that he is so much less lonely than he used to be. Like, this version of Matt has always been desperate for community. With Foggy and Karen, he has extremely close family for the first time in really ever. Not even his dad knew about his abilities, but Karen and Foggy know that and more than anyone else in the world. but they still don’t really have that connection of knowing what it’s like to have powers, and matt’s still isolated in that respect. 

***mild spoilers for the defenders below this***

This matt has a very complicated relationship with the defenders, mostly because i’m utterly convinced that it’d be awkward as hell following that finale. They’re absolutely friends and they would all go to bat for each other, but there’s still some lingering uneasy undercurrents left over from the building collapse. It’s not the right part in the story to bring them up (I have an aside from Luke Cage’s POV following the Accords drama that’s along the same vein as glaze defects and porcelain chips that I’m still writing that I think is a better place to deal with the defenders’ complicated relationships with each other). I will say that Matt is a bit more isolated from the rest of the group because of it, and things are still extremely tense between Karen and Foggy and the Defenders, so matt’s sort of the child of divorce in the center. As a result, he still has a few walls up with them, and not a single one of them know the truth about Stick (that’s not exactly because of the building collapse--he more feels weird bringing Stick up. It’s sort of a huge trauma for him that he doesn’t disclose lightly, and also Stick had been treated a bit more like “wise old colleague” while working with the Defenders and not “serial child abuser.” his abuse was also low key for danny’s benefit because the chaste are technically the iron fist’s soldiers, so... it’s awkward. he has never brought it up). The other thing is that none of them really had the same experience growing up. Danny grew up in magic kungfu city and didn’t have to worry about someone using him for the superpowers he didn’t have. Luke has his own huge trauma around how he got his powers, but he got them as an adult, so the trauma is just a different kind of animal. Jess did get them as a child, but she was in a very different kind of household. She was in a highly exploitive household, but she was never exploited for her powers. her household exploited her for image’s sake, and it was a household of resources. while it was never a safe household, it did in a way protect her from being exploited in the way that matt, being bounced around the foster system with no advocates, risked every day. So jess has a lot of trauma that matt never suffered, but she also doesn’t have the trauma that still affects Matt and that matt sees the risk of in Peter. 

so the idea of peter has become this is extremely complicated thing for matt, because he represents this sort of past loneliness and isolation that matt’s for the most part moved on from, but that he sees peter is experiencing. He wants peter to have a karen and foggy. he wants peter to have someone who he can trust with all of him, including his powers. At the same time, this kid is sort of this potentiality for community that Matt has been chasing his entire life. He’s still on the off-step with the defenders. But the exploitation he thinks Peter is going through mirrors a lot of what he went through, and he sort of sees Peter as the chance to make the community he spent his entire life yearning for, and at the same time save Peter from suffering under the same loneliness. Matt’s soooo interesting to me in this and I can’t wait until I can put him and Peter together. 

#the first step of kintsugi #ancient asks that i'm answering #op i love you and all the things you put in my inbox i am sorry this is so late #matt murdock #peter parker

[intoevernightfanfic]

@antibunni sent me some emoji for the fanfic writer's ask: 🙋‍♀️💖🤗📚

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

Yes! Quite a few. My friends all know, and so does my whole family. Some of my IRL friends have read my fanfic, and my family has too! I once even had a former boss (who was a friend as well) ask to read Arranged Marriage because we both had a thing for "monsters" if you catch my drift LOL. So, yeah, a couple of old coworkers turned friends have read my fanfic too. They've told me to publish, but I'll get to that in another of these questions lol.

💖 What made you start writing?

I'm an extrovert, and I was homeschooled until 10th grade. It was a horribly isolating experience, and I was very lonely. I used to maladaptive daydream (aka astral project myself outta here!) to escape what felt like a prison to me. I had no friends and nothing to do, so I started disappearing inside myself and my characters, and eventually I felt compelled to write these stories down. I started writing on my mother's typewriter when I was very young (I think I was 6 or 7), but didn't start writing series until I was 9, and novels when I was 12. I wrote 6 novels before I was 15. I'd say I actually wrote my first fanfic when I was 9, which was a parody of Star Wars involving my dog as a Jedi lol. (And yes my parents read it.)

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

What I have to say is going to sound somewhat contradictory to the advice out there, but bear with me lol.

It's super helpful to get feedback about ideas and character traits (like a high level outline) before and during the first draft process! That's not always possible when you don't know anyone, but even a friend who isn't in the fandom can give feedback. Having an alpha reader to ensure the message comes across as intended and that the characters are well-rounded has helped me immensely. I like to bounce ideas off of them prior to writing / editing a fic so I can be sure the idea is solid and the execution will work. They help me catch logical fallacies and plot holes that I'd never see otherwise!

That being said, having an alpha reader can end up intimidating you if you're first diving into writing, because high level feedback can leave you grappling for how to fix issues. Still, I think it's good to get a feel for your voice and your own problem solving style before leaning on a beta reader too much. A huge chunk of writing is critical thinking and problem solving! And that comes with thought exercises and practice. That's not to say you want to live with your thoughts in a vacuum -- just that you'd want to attempt the puzzle before bringing the pieces to someone else. By knowing what you've already tried and how it did / didn't work with your goals, they can provide more tailored feedback.

Alpha readers work well because, to me, what's more important than "great fiction" is embracing your unique way of viewing the world and telling the story you want to tell. Personally, I think honing your storytelling (which you can do when you're passionate and engaged with the story!) is more important than attempting technical perfection. That's why it's important to attempt to get out of the sticky parts with your own solutions first. Only then do I go to someone else and ask what they think about the solutions I've come up with.

📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

No, I decided some time ago that it's not lucrative for me. I spent a couple of years as an entertainment columnist and music journalist for multiple publications, but I never got paid. No matter who I wrote for, I was told that they couldn't pay me, but that it was "good for my portfolio." I also did some ghostwriting, but again... Didn't get me much of anywhere. I finally decided I'd never capitalize on it, because of a combination of: oversaturation in the publishing industry, my lack of interest in my own OCs, and my experience with motivation dips when given writing assignments. I also don't think I'd be able to handle the kind of rejection that trad publishing doles out, and I don't want to lose rights over any of my work. I won't get into the self-publishing side of things right now. X)

Thanks for playing, AntiBunni! 😊💕

#asks #antibunni

[keepingtallie]

Hello world,

It seems a little funny to write to an audience that could simultaneously be no one and anyone. It's freeing, it's scary. But that's what I'm trying to embrace more of.

The truth is that I am free and I am scared. I have no tethers to any one place. I have money and time (relatively speaking). It's a privilege I've worked too hard for, and one I don't know what to do with now.

The truth is that I am ill. I have been for a long time, and I probably will be for a while still. I haven't worked since the end of December, and I still feel more down than I do up. My job is literally to become healthy, and I'm still not. Today I was walking home from doing the one (1) silly little errand that I forced myself to do, and I felt depressed. I felt overwhelmed and sad and nostalgic and there was a tragedy in how I had to force myself to stop and smell my favorite flower, a beautiful lilac bush entirely out of place amongst litter and traffic. As I traversed the sidewalk, drenched in sun and ignoring the youth loitering on the playground, I kept my eyes on the ground. And I thought to myself, I'm so grateful I have hope that I will get better. And I thought to myself, what about the future, when I lose that hope? And I felt my stomach do something funny.

I read something a few months ago that loneliness begets loneliness. That when you're lonely, people can sense it on you and avoid you. I wonder if that is why I feel out of place amongst a group of my friends now. I saw my ex somewhat recently, and when I sent her a meme that made me think of her, she asked me what was up because when we were together my vibe was off and now I'm sending her a meme like nothing was wrong. And I apologized and explained I am sick. And she said it explained it, thanks, and didn't text again. So it's not company I am lonely for, it is connection.

It's funny because on paper, I'm doing great. And actually, there are a lot of times I am doing great. I love my house. I love my housemate. I love my loved ones. I love the flowers on my kitchen table, and the banana bread I made that is maybe a little too dry this time, and the book I've been writing for myself, and the plans I have been making. I love the books I've been reading, the shows I've been slowly watching, the performances I've had. I love making smoothies in the morning and doing my daily yoga and journaling and feeling like I am caring for myself.

But then also I feel like my very bones are haunted, like I have always been meant to be a recluse caught up in daydreams, that some days all I can do is sit on the couch with my tea and watch the canal and birds and wonder. And at night I still sometimes flashingly wonder what color my veins would cry and I write it in my notes app because isn't it a pretty concept? But I actually already know and it's too morbid to actually put my name onto and I think I would write it more so other people recognize how tortured I am than out of any artistic genius. So I breathe through my tears, which actually is a fiction because I don't really cry, and try to distract myself as I cook dinner or do dishes. And I am thankful I do not fall back onto old coping mechanisms, but I sometimes yearn for it like an old lover.

I wonder a lot if I am loveable. Not explicitly. That would be pretty overwhelming, if I were to admit I don't think I'm loveable. But it is there, in the social anxiety, in the way I avoid the mirror, in the rumination, in the isolation, in the way I suffocate other people with my giving and trying to minimize myself. In some ways, I think I am the best person to walk the earth. In other ways, I think I deserve to live a very small, lonely life. I suppose that is maybe just the human experience.

It's annoying, quite frankly, to have a brain like mine. Because I will read this in the morning and see the melodrama, but now, in the coolness of the night, all I know is solitude and bad poetry. Tomorrow, in the blinding light, I will remember that I am loved and love. Tonight, all my friends are these letter keys under my fingertips and the cold tea I have beside me. Tomorrow, I will cancel my plans and hide from my housemate and do Very Important Tasks which will amount to napping, writing, and being depressed, and maybe a pointless chore or two so I don't hate myself.

I don't though. I don't hate myself. I just don't like not feeling in control, and I'm not sure how else I can manage. My therapist is certain I tie my worth to my ability to be productive, and maybe she is right. But I feel more like my tasks are my lifeline to this world sometimes, that the moment I snip away that structure, I will float away. Already, the rope is precariously fraying.

I love myself. I love myself even when I'm sick, or else I wouldn't still be here. I have hope, I have hope still. And I have to have hope that it isn't a finite resource. I am loved. I love. Is there anything else I can do, anything nearly as worthwhile? I suppose there is, because I am quite busy doing everything else in the meantime.

[skelpie-limmer]

Your Source of Greatness - Character Creation: Group project or Lonely fun?

So I played a one-shot of Pathfinder 2e the other day, and ironically the majority of my enjoyment around the event was sitting at home, by myself, and thinking up a character. It's very compelling to check out the options and to come up with builds. Crunchy games in particular seem to incentivise (or even require) a lot of this kind of "lonely fun", since it's a great way to learn the rules. It's really enjoyable as a player, but I think I hate it as a GM?

Specifically, there's three different ways of making characters I've experienced, and only one of them I like.

1. "Lonely Fun" character creation. As described in my experience with PF2e, having players build characters in isolation leads to a crapshoot of uncoordinated characters. Since I like heavy roleplay and deep relationships between PCs, it then falls on the GM (me) to try build the connective tissue between characters.

2. "Classroom" character creation. Probably even worse than the lonely fun (since the lonely fun creation is still, in fact, fun) is having players sit at the table in complete silence for hours while they fill out their character sheet. From the GM perspective, it's boring as fuck to wait for people to fill in the sheets. It also can lead to pretty 2-dimensional characters, since players are spending much less time than the lonely fun approach.

3. "Group Project" character creation. This involves consistent talking between players at the table, and has steps during character creation that requires input from other players. It's the PbtA approach where players are collaborating to build their story together. This is the best approach to character creation in my opinion. For games that've done it well, there's the common PbtA bond mechanics, and Ironsworn's approach to worldbuilding (both already implemented in YSoG). Masks: A New Generation has a mechanic that details what happened when the heroes first came together, but I wanted to see if there was something deeper and more fundamental to the character.

Something Deeper and More Fundamental to The Character

From playtesting Your Source of Greatness (YSOG), I've noticed that coming up with an interesting background is a bit tricky. Given its OSR influence, a really obvious solution is to given nested tables that have potential background options (I'm pretty sure every OSR game has them).

However, what if instead of rolling, you asked everyone around the table which'd be the most interesting option, considered their opinions, and then decided. For the extra nerdy among you, this approach was inspired by Wicked Ones' Compel mechanic.

I'm hoping to be able to get into properly playtesting YSoG soon (especially once my weekends free up a bit more than they currently are). I do feel a bit nervous to do so, since the game is intentionally a blank slate.

#ysog #ttrpg #rpg #bitd #fitd #blades in the dark

[lovers-in-a-dangerous-spacetime]

Dear John,

I'm quite frankly ready for this most recent bout of infatuation for you to be over already. It doesn't typically last this long and I'm ready to think of something else and get my brain back.

I'm fully aware that over a year of being on Adderall and an impending divorce have left my brain quite depleted of dopamine and other happy-making bubblies. (Incredibly technical vocabulary here, try to keep up)

I'm fairly convinced that this feeling of crushing on you is my brain's clever way to give me just enough warm and fuzzy feelings to carry me through the difficult 3 months ahead. I can't even get my husband to put his arm around me when I cuddle up next to him, and this isn't a new development because of the separation, this is just my life. I feel like I'm drowning in lonely.

I'm damn lonely, truly just longing to be seen and loved. The great news is 3 months from now I'll have all of that, surrounded by friends and family once more. I just have to stick it out until then. I have no need for romance in my life as I find friendships to be deeply fulfilling, even more so than I've ever found relationships to be.

I can see how my soulful ramblings about how much I care for you could seem to conflict with my lack of desire for romance, and yet I don't see why they can't both exist.

I will love you for the rest of my life, you're on the shortlist of people I'd be FWB with, and I also have no desire to be in a romantic relationship with you. I don't want rules, heartbreak, nor the feeling of being stiffled that we both seem to feel when in a typical relationship. I want to wrap myself in your cuddles, get head kisses, and then take off in my RV to work in some national park or other for 3 months. I don't want to own you, nor any soul on the face of this earth.

Two husbands have taugt me that marriage serves only to breed resentment and isolation. If someone is going to choose to be with me, there is no need for a verbal promise ceremony, they will simply choose me every day... until they don't. And that's alright as well, because relationships are like seasons, and most don't last forever.

I'm just happy to have existed at the same time as you 🤍

Always & never yours,

Elinore.

#letter to my ex #letters to space #unsent letters

[the-insomniac-emporium]

I love your writing.

if it's not too much trouble may i make a request? I'm thinking the Dimitrescu women meeting and/or courting a fellow immortal.

the circumstances of the immortal's powers and possession of immorality are entirely up to you. I just like the idea of them meeting someone they could literally spend forever with...because they deserve it ❤

I wasn't sure if you wanted a story or headcanons? I went with HCs, here, but if you wanted more of a drabble or whatever just lemme know and I'll write something like that.

Also, I got excited and carried away so this has the whole Dimitrescu family, plus shorter ones for both Mother Miranda and Donna. Admittedly Alcina's is also a little on the shorter side? I tried to write everything that came to mind, but I am kinda tired right now, sorry. Might reblog this and add some more later.

(Under read-more for length)

Cassandra:

Tries (and fails) to hide her excitement. Mortality is one of the bigger things that has made her keep her distance to others, at least in the past. Every Maiden she’s ever been the slightest bit smitten with, up until this point, has been incredibly fragile. Seeing as she’s not exactly the softest person, one can easily imagine why that would be a turn off for her. But now that’s no longer a problem!

On the other had… having an immortal partner gives Cassandra pause. Why? Because what if they breakup? Normally, she can just, ahem, “dispose” of any exes (regardless of how much it hurts) so she doesn’t have to see them/deal with them anymore. If that’s not an option, she’ll definitely take longer than usual to do anything about her feelings. She wants to be sure, 100%, before she gets in over her head. Chances are she won’t hold back for as long as she wants though.

Likely to have a loud, messy confession. She’ll have been avoiding you for a few days, always ducking out of whatever rooms you enter, leaving you both hurt and confused. After enlisting the help of her sisters, you’ll be able to corner her outside. She’ll tell you, under no uncertain circumstances, to leave her alone. But you’ll refuse, demanding an explanation.

“I thought we had something. I thought you cared,” you’ll snap, eyes watering. “If that’s changed… if I was wrong, just tell me. I’ll leave and I’ll never come back.” Cue thunder and raining (because tropes) and Cassandra dramatically pulling you into a kiss, holding you so tightly you think you might bruise. Then she’s demanding that you stay, refusing to apologize but making it clear just how much she does care.

Being immortal, you’re not as defenseless as some of Cassandra’s past interests. Naturally, she doesn’t get quite as protective as she normally would. She’ll still have your back no matter what, ready to fight by your side against any foe, and will probably consider doing so a “fun bonding activity”. Oh, some lycans are encroaching on Dimitrescu territory? Time to go destroy them, as a power couple!

Despite having all the time in the world, Cassandra won’t change much of her actual courting behavior, nor the rate at which things advance. She’s still gonna get handsy fairly early on, still gonna “rah!” at you in the hallways, and still going to struggle with her jealousy.

Immortality Compatibility: I can see Cassandra going for another vampire (or vampire adjacent) creature, or someone demonic. She likes her lovers a bit rough, with some nice bite to their personalities. If you’ve got sharp teeth, or claws, or glowing eyes? Oh boy, she’s gonna be making heart eyes at you all the time.

Bela:

If your immortality isn’t immediately obvious, Bela is over the moon with joy when she finds out. Her eyes will go wide for a moment, before she tries to seem calm (so as to not freak you out), but her heart is pounding. This is what she’s been hoping for. As much as Mother Miranda has done for her family, there’s no guarantee that she’d be willing to give more. Even if Miranda granted Bela’s lover her “gift”, there was no telling what the results would be, or if the lover would survive. Now that there’s no need for such a transformation, it’s far easier for Bela to imagine herself in love (and eventually be in love).

Slow-burn romance over a decade or longer, oops. Doesn’t even necessarily mean to take things so slowly, just doesn’t feel a need to rush things, preferring that they develop organically. With both of you having unlimited time, you’re both used to working on a very large timescale. Maidens watching the two of you probably place bets on how long it’ll take you to hold hands for the first time. Everyone knows it’s coming, but no matter how much Cassandra and Daniela complain, Bela refuses to jump into things. By the time the two of you are officially together, you’re probably madly in love with each other.

More protective than Cassandra, if only because she knows just how rare you are. Immortal or not, you likely still have a weakness, and Bela will do everything in her power to make sure no one else knows what it is. If applicable, she will also ensure she has a countermeasure readily available. For example: If you were weak to fire, she’d make sure that the castle keeps extinguishers handy, just in case. Though they should probably already do that. Not that the Dimitrescu family cares much for OSHA compliance.

Somehow grows more in love with you with every passing year, and makes sure that you know this. Whether you’ve been together for one year or one century (because in this house we ignore canon), she’s always performing little acts of love, giving constant reminders of how strongly she feels. Gifts, special dates, book recommendations, etc.

Immortality Compatibility: Bela seems like the type to go for someone with a calming presence, and perhaps somewhat of a contrast to herself. I can picture her with someone somewhat angelic, or druidic, someone very in tune with nature. She’d love to feed deer with you and relax in the forest! Or lay against a tree by your side, listening to you talk about various microorganisms for hours at a time.

Daniela:

Practically tackles you when she finds out/connects the dots. This is just like one of her romance novels, where a lonely (attractive as fuck) immortal spends years in isolation before finally meeting the love of their life, who they get to spend the rest of eternity with. Absolutely ecstatic about the whole situation. Won’t stop kissing you and pulling you close, rambling about how great it’s gonna be to spend your lives together. Honestly? Kind of overwhelming. You might have to remind her a few times that you don’t have to rush into things, considering you have all the time in the world.

Introduces you to people as her “super cool/rad immortal life partner”. Genuinely cannot bring herself to not brag about you. If her sisters haven’t found someone like you yet, you can bet that Daniela will tease them about it all the time (much to their annoyance). If Momma Alcina doesn’t, though? Dani will keep her thoughts to herself, thank you very much (being grounded at her age does not impress the s/o).

Tries not to show it, but she’s actually very nervous. You’re immortal! You’ve probably seen a lot of shit (she certainly has)! Worries about keeping you interested in her, though she would never admit it. This tends to lead to her performing ridiculous acts to showcase her affection, regardless of the cost or, like, whether or not you’d even enjoy whatever she has planned. In order to counter her anxiety, you’ll want to reassure her whenever you can, and give her plenty of “I love you”s.

Strikes a decent balance between Cassandra’s nonchalant attitude and Bela’s protectiveness. Will defend you if you need it, playing up the romantic aspect, but also entirely willing to hide behind you in a scary situation.

Immortality Compatibility: Having probably read Twilight… Dani would date a werewolf, as long as they weren’t the smelly kind. Also interested in a sort of “magical”/elemental type, especially if their powers are influenced by emotions. In other words, if someone flirts with her in front of you, and your response is to subconsciously light your hands/the other person on fire? She thinks that’s hot, pun intended.

Alcina:

“Oh? Interesting,” she’d say, smiling softly (and trying to ignore the heat rushing to her face). Similarly to Cassandra, she’d try to play it off, not wanting to seem too excited. And, well, she’s not as excited as any of her daughters are. After all, she’s had more time than them to “get used” to the idea of outliving any potential romantic interests. So, she’s not exactly desperate for a relationship, even with someone she could spend an eternity with.

That being said, if she is romantically interested in them, she’s very relieved. Outliving a loved one can be incredibly traumatizing (fuck you c*pcom, you know what you did), and knowing that you’re safe (or at least safer than most) brings her no small amount of comfort.

Also, just glad to have another person close to her age around. Her daughters are somewhat stuck as young adults, and I imagine Alcina would want someone who gained immortality a little later in life, such as herself, as opposed to, ya know, reminding her of her children. That probably goes without saying. Hopefully.

More so than her daughters, Alcina would change her level of protectiveness depending on her s/o’s power level. If you’re a shapeshifter who can also turn into a big ass dragon? Then she’s not going to coddle you. If you’re immortal but still vulnerable, then she’s going to do her best to keep you safe, even going so far as to enlist the assistance of her daughters. “If you see a single Maiden growing mistletoe, or bringing some in from the village, let me know immediately,” or something like that, depending on your weakness.

Immortality Compatibility: Definitely would want someone in a situation similar to herself, having once been truly human, only to be “elevated” by something. Bonus points if you’re another disciple of Miranda, double bonus points if Miranda specifically “made” you to be Alcina’s boo/honey/darling/dear.

Bonus! Mother Miranda:

Oh god finally someone who won’t leave her (can’t leave her). No one can take you away from her, and that’s a relief that she’s been craving for over a century. Even if romance isn’t high on her priority list, she welcomes it with open arms, glad to have someone by her side through all of life’s chaos.

Admittedly slow to trust at first, probably just using you as a tool at first. But prove yourself enough, show that your devotion is more than just misdirected self-interest, and she’ll start to warm up to you. Forming a real relationship would likely take a couple decades, similar to with Bela. Once you are together, however, the two of you are inseparable in all matters.

You’d be her #1 follower, most trusted adviser, and the only person allowed to understand 100% of her thoughts and motives. While Miranda wouldn’t allow you to be seen as the same level as her (sorry), you’d still be a legend among the villagers. To them, you’re Mother Miranda’s champion, the epitome of a devoted follower that they all aspire to emulate. Not that they know the two of you are a couple, though.

Immortality Compatibility: No gimmicks, no cheap tricks, she wants (and respects) a fellow scientist, someone who clawed their way through adversity and forged themselves into something indestructible. Double the interest if you did so for a similar cause to her own, as she would appreciate your ability to relate to her suffering.

Bonus! Donna:

Someone to play with! FOREVER! No more losing people she cares about, no more accidentally breaking people, no more people scrambling to leave. Now that she has you, she can finally spend some quality time with another (living?) person. Honestly her dolls (or at least Angie) are just as excited as she is. Regardless of her relations with the other three Lords, Donna much prefers the company of a lover.

For real though she’s shy as hell and you might not even realize who’s pulling the strings until you’ve been in her house for over a year. She’d probably use her powers to trap you inside, at least at first, though they’d be nice hallucinations. You’d have to treat the dolls nicely, especially Angie, before she’d let you interact with her.

Eventually you’d be allowed to leave, and you’d be given a key to return whenever you wanted to. Assuming that you do, in fact, come back, the two of you would have a very, very slow romance, if only because of Donna’s anxiety. Hand holding makes both of your faces turn beet red, seriously.

Immortality Compatibility: *chanting* GHOST GIRLFRIEND GHOST GIRLFRIEND POLTERGEIST PARTNER POLTERGEIST PARTNER WOOHOO! Something with a flexible, only-sometimes-tangible form, who absolutely could have left at any time but didn’t because they wanted to stay.

#cassandra dimitrescu x reader #bela dimitrescu x reader #daniela dimitrescu x reader #lady dimitrescu x reader #mother miranda x reader #donna beneviento x reader #resident evil: village #re8 village

[patchworkpuzzle]

Hello, sweet Patchy! I hope it's not too late to buy a potion? I'm almost finished with finals and I would love a potion to bring my favorite Aizawa-Sensei to help me decompress? I bring fresh baked cookes to trade! 🍪🍪🍪💙

Time, dear traveler, truly is something we all take for granted. For once we are swept up with life and its difficulties, we tend to find those we love most suffer from this loss. Not enough hours in the day, and soon our hearts grow weary and lonely from the time apart. 

And because you, dear traveler, seem so desperate and have gifted a most delicious treat, I will gift to you one of my most sacred potions; frozen time. It will allow those that drink it to live a day in a world that does not move, where time can take a pause. 

It should allow both you and your love a chance to decompress.

Your life seemed to be filled with contradictions. 

You were praised, even at a young age, for your intelligence; even going far away to further your education to become a prestigious scholar for the crown, but while in your studies you never felt more foolish. Feeling brave, never one to turn down a good time, but as well finding the courage to talk to those you never met was something you could never muster. Being young and having all the time in the world, and yet never having enough to be with the one you loved.

You were lucky to meet your partner, Aizawa, during your studies away. You claimed it to be love and first sight, that he captured your heart the moment your eyes met from across the room; and you felt a sense of overwhelming joy when he confessed to you the same. Time seemed to have sped up for the pair of you, favouring you in a small way, as your courtship followed soon after; and before you knew it, you were in wedded bliss.

But now time was being cruel. Keeping you both apart in some way or another as you tended to the remainder of your studies, and he spent many long days teaching those that needed his guidance; needed his knowledge on subjects of great difficulty. Most days you were only ever lucky enough to say farewell when the dawn broke, as you both parted ways to face the day ahead, and then to wish each other sweet dreams when the sun had long set and weariness heavied both your eyes.

It made you feel lonely, as well as isolated, and you knew it made him feel the same.

Not long after all this began, your studies started to suffer as you tried to push through all the responsibilities needed to complete them, along with taking care of yourself and your home; to ensure that you were healthy and your home remained a place one could live comfortably in. It was growing overwhelming, and all you wanted was to have one day where you could be within your husband's arms, doing nothing but bask in each other's warmth and love; with no consequences to result if you should partake in such indulgence.

Though it seemed impossible to wish such a thing, for you could not change time. At least now without a little help. You had caught wind of a peddler, one in the marketplace, that helped a fellow scholar like yourself get what they needed to achieve the happiness they were longing for; a potion that would allow anyone’s tongue to loosen and speak their thoughts. You figured if this potion peddler had gifts that could achieve such a feat, then they could possibly help you with achieving what you needed. You wanted their help in this matter, and went to the marketplace as quickly as you could to gain it, no matter how tired your whole being was after undergoing another day of constant work.

When you finally arrived at the marketplace, it was already dark with many of the stalls closed and packed in for the night. You had never cursed how far you lived from court more than ever at this moment, as tears of frustration began to well in your eyes, knowing that the peddler was more than likely gone. But your life, the reason you were in this mess to begin with, was always full of those funny little contradictions, and the peddler you thought had left and in so leaving you in despair, had appeared to you. 

It was hard for you to see her eyes, her large brimmed hat had covered them from your view, but you knew that she could see you; you could feel her eyes staring deep within you, looking into your heart to see what had caused it to be broken. And perhaps that is why you could not see her eyes, and were grateful that you could not, for you did not think you could handle such a soul-baring stare.

After a moment, once she had taken a look at you, her face seemed to have softened. With that one gaze, it seemed she already understood your plight. She searched her cart, one she had left open as if sensing your arrival, looking for what you needed most. She handed to you a bottle of almost crystalline blue liquid from a locked box that sat deep within her cart; gingerly passing it to you like it was the most delicate thing in this world; you took it in kind.

She told you it was a bottle of frozen time, made to give those that drank it a day without worries and do as they pleased without the consequences of lost time. Enough there for two, she advised you both to take it as you went to bed, for the power of it was too intense to advise taking it while standing up. With one last nod of her head she sent you off, wishing you luck.

You took her words to heart and as you got home the first thing on your mind was to make the nightly tea you always made to help ensure both you and your husband were able to have a full night's rest. Uncorking the lid, you slipped the potion into the steaming water of steeping tea, allowing it to sit for a few moments as you slowly began to change into your sleepwear. Pouring your cup, you made sure to leave a note for Aizawa, letting him know he had to take some tea before bed; with the flimsy excuse that you did not want it to go to waste. You knew he would heed your request, thus allowing him to fall under the potion's spell as well.

You carefully got yourself into bed, being sure to not spill the precious tea within your cup, as you got yourself as comfortable as you could. Drinking your tea as quickly as you could, not enjoying the bitter taste it left in your mouth, but you had to make sure you drank it all. And the peddler was right, as soon as the last drops fell down your throat you could feel an overwhelming drowsiness overcome you.

You awoke, having both slept better than you had in years and having it feel like a moment in darkness all at once. By the time the morning sun began to shine, you could tell that the potion had worked. The sun was frozen over the horizon, filling the sky with a pink and purple hue you adored, and even after you had taken the time to do your morning routine, it had not moved an inch.

Making breakfast was one of ease, for at this moment you did not have the usual feeling of a sense of hurriedness as you made whatever you wanted, that you could enjoy the time it took to make a meal and not feel you were behind in some fashion; being sure enough was made for two. When your husband finally emerged, he was perplexed at the world around him - rightful so -  and asked you what was happening, and you could not deny him the truth.

“I obtained a potion, from a peddler in the market,” You mumbled, though your voice still rang clear in the small kitchen “Placed it in our tea.”

“Is that why it was so bitter?” Aizawa’s voice rumbled, both from sleep and slight agitation “A poison that has caused these brutal side effects, perhaps?”

“It was not a poison,” You sighed out, shoulders slumping at his accusations “It was one meant for time, we both drank it and now it has stilled for us.”

“You somehow managed to stop the world? For what reason?” He asked, tone showcasing both confusion and amazement at your feat and causing you to nervously stir at the food you were preparing on the stove.

“We needed time to spend together… we were not fairing well being so far apart, even if we still saw each other every day. It was not the same. We needed a day of rest, a day to be together, with no worries or consequences.”

You felt his arms wrap around your middle, and a gentle kiss on the crown of your head.

“I suppose you’re right. When was the last time I was able to hold you like this, hm?” Your giggle was all the response he needed, sighing into your hair “Thank you, this is exactly what we needed.”

“A whole day, just the two of us, isn’t that a dream?” You hummed, voice soft as you continue cooking your breakfast, only to him reach over to turn the stove off - your vision going blurry as you felt yourself getting lifted into the air. “H-hey! Shouta, what are you doing?”

“Taking you back to bed, if we have a whole day to ourselves then there are no consequences in wasting time doing what’s on my mind right now.” 

I truly hope your day was all you wanted it to be. A sense of retreat and recharge. Though, as always, a warning of what is to come. Time never likes being tricked to slow, and so it will punish you but quicken its pace. For the remainder of the week, you will find the hours tick by a little too quickly. It will catch up in no time, but you will find the week to be hectic.

Do you want to take a chance on a failing traveler's potion? (closed)

#may your day be filled with bliss dear traveler #truly you have earned it #i hope you enjoy this i truly do #🧩.patchy the failing potion peddler #mha aizawa #aizawa x reader #aizawa drabble

[oh-boy-me]

Alright I'm curious about your take on movie night with the undateables, including Luke since this is non- romance. Snack preferences, what movies they choose, funny stories from movie night. Whatever strikes your fancy with the idea is good with me. Thanks in advance!

Sorry it took a little bit (´ω｀。) It’s my first time working with these characters so I wanted to give it my absolute best

I’m setting this up as individual movie nights so that each character can get the spotlight for a while; I hope that’s ok!  Also, a lot of them somehow ended up in a context of it being the first time you’d hung out one on one lol

Simeon:

It feels like Simeon spends just about all of his time with Luke and Solomon, while you spend just about all of yours with the brothers.  So, you decide to have a movie night to finally spend some time together without having to divide your attention.  Purgatory Hall is the obvious choice of location, since its residents are much more ready to leave you alone when asked.

This angel is a traditional kind of guy, as angels tend to be, so popcorn is the only snack idea that comes to mind.  Traditional doesn’t mean close-minded, though, so he’s more than willing to try out any snacks you bring along.  Actually, he encourages you to bring a bunch of snacks to try out together!  You can have a taste test while you watch the movies!

Simeon likes Hallmark movie-type movies a lot, mainly because they demand little emotional investment.  Movies like horror don’t scare him, but they do stress him out because he wants all the protagonists to get their happy ending!  Another benefit of Hallmark movies is that it’s fun to try to guess exactly what will happen, since they can be so predictable.

Of course, he doesn’t want to monopolize your movie lineup, so if there’s something you want to see he’s all for it.  If you want to go for something more thrilling, he’ll power through it like a champ, but you can see him visibly cringing at some points.

Simeon is lowkey a movie cuddler, but like in a way that still respects your personal space bubble.  He won’t spend the film with you in his arms or anything, but the entire couch is fair game.

Simeon apparently likes to talk during movies–he doesn’t mean to, but the thoughts kind of just come out.  He’s brutally honest about what he’s thinking, so if you’re down with it, talking about and roasting the movie as it’s happening is a load of fun.  “I don’t know MC, I don’t think this guy’s all that great either?  Sure maybe he isn’t completely ignoring her, but look, he obviously has commitment issues; at least her ex was just busy all the time.  Look, Mr. Lone Wolf’s beard is uneven.  Why does she want a man who wants to look rugged but can’t get it right?”

Simeon also will accidentally spoil any movie he’s already seen like this, so you’re best off watching films that are new to both of you.

He knew that you were a nice and fun person, but honestly he’s kind of taken aback by how good you are to be around.  Since the only human he’s usually around is Solomon, talking to one and not feeling like you need to second-guess everything you’re told is a new and welcome feeling.

Before you split for the night, he asks if you’d like to do something like this again.  As an angel, there’s a lot that he hasn’t experienced–a lot of food, a lot of activities, a lot of media–and you’re someone that he feels like he would be comfortable trying new things with.  You can expect lots of texts like, “Hello!  I hope you’re doing wellヾ(＾-＾)ノ Are you free tomorrow?”

Luke:

You probably decide to have a movie night after Luke ends up spending way longer than he expected to in the kitchen at the House of Lamentation.  On the condition that absolutely no demons are to join you two!  Ok maybe Beel and Levi are ok but absolutely no one else!  After a call to Simeon explaining that he isn’t coming back to Purgatory Hall tonight you guys are good to go.

He always brings baked goods when he comes over, plus whatever he was working on in the kitchen, so you’re more than covered!  The majority of it is things like cookies and fudge bark.  They’re easy snacks to grab a handful of.

Luke tries to insist that he wants to watch a movie with lots of violence or a horror film, or any other kind of movie that teenagers sneak into.  He’s doing it because he’s so frustrated with everyone calling him a kid when he’s centuries older than a human will ever be, stop making fun of him!!  For his sake and yours, you should tell him that you don’t want to watch that sort of movie, because if you let him get away with it he’ll get too freaked out in the first 20 minutes.

Most likely you’ll end up having a Disney marathon.  They’re so fun, and since the Celestial Realm is pretty isolated when it comes to cultural exchange, he’s only seen a couple, so you can show him your favorites!  Also, he’s not crying.  No, you saw that wrong.

He starts off on the other side of the couch, one again trying to be mature and shit, but that won’t last long.  Anyone who sees you huddled together like that will be punched in the gut with the sheer level of sibling energy y’all are radiating.  Lucifer almost doesn’t want to mock him.  Almost.

That thing where immediately after consuming a piece of media, you imagine yourself as part of that universe?  Luke loves to talk about that sort of thing.  “If I lived there, I’d have given Gaston a piece of my mind!”  “Ok but if I was a piece of furniture what do you think I’d be?  I can totally see you being a…”

“I think you’d be the footstool that acts like a dog, Luke.”  “Hey, Lucifer, you weren’t invited to our party!!”

You might (will) have to fend off a few nosy demon brothers to protect your demon-free movie lair.  Luke swears that next time you have to come over to Purgatory Hall, but he’s having way more fun here than he’s willing to admit.

He also learns that most of the brothers will listen to you without complaint.  He will definitely keep this in mind.

This kid angel has so much energy, how is he still awake after five movies?  You absolutely have to establish a bedtime because he literally will not go to bed until you do.

Solomon:

It’s quite rare for you to have a break from the seven avatars of attention hogging, so if you’re going to have a movie night, Purgatory Hall may as well be a godsend.

You may want to be careful about getting there, because if Asmo catches wind that you and Solomon are having a movie night without him, he’s going to show up unannounced and then refuse to leave.  Solomon can come pick you up if you need.  Just, he’ll be waiting a block away so Asmo can’t catch up.

Solomon is a “dinner and a show” kinda guy.  He will offer to make dinner.  Do not let him do this.  Either make it yourself or order takeout.

You’ll pretty easily agree on alternating who chooses the movie.  You get the first, he gets the second, you get the third, etc.  Definitely isn’t letting you choose first to lure you into a false sense of security about the DVD in his hand, what made you think that?

Solomon is the kind of person to lie about what sort of movie he’s put in.  “Solomon what is this supposed to be?”  “Oh, don’t worry about it.”  It’s gonna be a weird movie.  You just have to wait and see.

He is going to rip into your movie choices.  He liked how they worked with this, and that was impressive, but these bits?  Did they think they could get away with that?  What was the budget?  Rest assured, though, he expects you to do the same for him.  In fact, he’ll be quite disappointed if you don’t.

He prefers a setup on his bed rather than on the couch.  He’s also one of the ones who keeps to himself in terms of personal space, although that’s not to say that he isn’t relaxed.  Some might say he’s too relaxed, but that’s just who he is: too relaxed in any situation.  On the surface, at least.

As the only humans in the Devildom, some of the night is probably spent reminiscing on how different things tend to be here.  Solomon does feel bad that you in particular have had to make so many changes to your life and habits with no warning.  He has his magic to rely on, so he’s glad you have your reputation of “the human that made a pact with the student council” to keep demons from messing with you.

If you want, he’s happy to let you sleep over so that you don’t have to explain why you’re coming home so late.  He also encourages you to not say anything to your dorm mates.  Wouldn’t it be fun to make them wonder?  They’re always breathing down your neck, aren’t they?  Make them squirm a little bit.  You’re going to get a scolding for sneaking out regardless.  It’s incredibly cruel; you know they worry sick about you more than is called for.  Will you play along?  That’s up to you.  I advise you not to.

Like Simeon felt like he needed to second-guess everything around a bunch of demons and Solomon, Solomon sometimes feels like he needs to keep himself guarded around a bunch of demons and two literal angels.  You, however, are a human.  You have common ground, and Solomon can see how your vulnerability here translates into strength.  He’s not quite ready to admit it but, your ability to survive on character and not power is inspiring to him.  Shortly before you go home/to sleep, he mentions something about himself, and for once it seems like he’s being honest.

Barbatos:

You have the movie night at the House of Lamentation, under Lucifer’s promise that he’d keep everyone else busy.  It’s Barbatos’ first day off in 325 years, and he doesn’t want to take any chances of Diavolo forgetting that fact and giving him an order.

It may come as a surprise, but Barbatos wants nothing more than to order a pizza.  If he managed to get enough time off to have a movie night with you, he doesn’t want to have to think about preparing food.  A single night where he can just hang out and eat less than perfectly prepared cuisine is exactly what he needs to unwind.

Out of habit, he insists that whatever you want to watch is fine.  If you remind him that this is just as much for him as it is for you, he’ll suggest you look up what new psychological thrillers are trending.  Whenever a scary scene is playing on the screen, there’s the tiniest smile gracing his face the whole time.  It’s a little disconcerting, but something tells you that you shouldn’t bring it up.

If you do bring it up against all better judgement, though, he’ll explain that the villain in the film is being so messy.  Given the circumstances, it’d be better for him to do this or that.

“Don’t ask how I know all of this.  I’m just saying, if you find yourself with a body to dispose of, alive or not, you know who to call.”

Time spent with an off-duty Barbatos grows more relaxed as the night progresses.  You split the sofa 50/50, and over time you can see his posture relax from stiff and straight to leaning against the arm with his feet up.

Oh, yes, he’s also brought along a nice bottle of wine to share.  He made sure to get something that should affect demons and humans equally, of course.  If he’s going to get inebriated, you’re going down with him.

Turns out, working for the Demon Prince for all eternity gives you a few grievances.  Also turns out that the Demon Prince’s butler becomes quite loose lipped and downright snarky when he’s had enough to drink.  “‘Which flavor do you think Lucifer would like best?’  I don’t know, My Lord, might I suggest you ask him yourself?  No, no, I hear you laughing, MC!  This happens every time!”

There’s still a movie playing, but why would you watch a movie when Diavolo’s butler is such a gossip?  You definitely know things you shouldn’t by the time the night is over, but you swear an oath of secrecy.  And, although he regrets how liberal he was with his stories the next day, it does feel nice to have some of that off his chest.

And, well, he’s already gone this far, so he hopes you aren’t too surprised when you receive a text from him a week later: “Ok SO.”

Diavolo:

You guys decide to do the movie night at the palace, mainly to avoid Lucifer.  Diavolo wants to get to know you better, and he knows that if Lucifer is around he’ll end up making you the third-wheel.

Barbatos is going to be around, so Diavolo leaves it up to you whether you want to make it a party of three.  (Barbatos is still in on-duty mode, of course, so his time here is much less relaxed than in his solo scenario.)

Diavolo’s read about movie nights in Youthful Fun 101, and he wants to try out the whole snack list.  Popcorn, pizza rolls, sodas, you name it, he’s got mountains of it.

If you suggest also making ice cream sundaes, he’ll be the happiest demon in the entire Devildom.  It seems that the esteemed Demon Prince really loves chocolate sauce.

Really really wants to watch your favorite movie.  What sort of Devildom host would he be if he didn’t get to understand the Human World from his guest’s perspective?  Whether it’s something like Gone with the Wind or something like Barbie in a Mermaid Tale 2, he’s enthralled.  So this is Human World cinema!  There’s something so imaginative about it, even in the driest moments!

After your favorite, he’s got a checklist of iconic movies to get under his belt.  Not all of them end up holding your attention, and you develop a voting system–after the first 15 minutes, you hold a vote on whether to keep the movie going or to move on.  Since there’s only two of you, only one of you needs to like the movie to keep it going, so you give yourselves one immediate veto each.

Diavolo uses his veto on the first movie he wasn’t super into, and you have to keep reminding him that there’s no secret second veto that he can use.  Cut him some slack, this level of democracy is unfamiliar to the future Demon King.  He does end up really liking some of the movies he tried to avoid, so he learns to chill pretty quickly.

Also insists on watching the movies in a massive blanket fort.  He’s not a movie cuddler, per se, but he is an emotional movie watcher, so you can expect him to grab your arm during an especially sweet or sad scene.

You’re going to have to clarify what’s realistic and what isn’t sometimes.  No, that’s not a real animal.  Yes, that event really happened.  That may or may not be true, we aren’t sure.  Diavolo please this is a conspiracy theory.

If you thought that this wouldn’t end up in a sleepover, I don’t know what to tell you.  Maybe you just tried to watch way too many movies and passed out in the fort.  Maybe you tried to call it quits and then he gave you big puppy dog eyes until you agreed to have a slumber party.

Side note, but Lucifer is still recovering from seeing Diavolo’s car appear unannounced at the House of Lamentation and then being told that it’s actually here to pick you up and that he absolutely can’t come along.  Has he been replaced?

Masterlist

#obey me #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me swd #swd obey me #obey me shall we date #shall we date obey me #obey me! #obey me headcanons #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me solomon #obey me barbatos #obey me diavolo #nerieda

[enasallavellan]

TW: (more in tags and when we get to them)

Mental hospital

.

Hiya,

I'm finally at the official treatment center that I've been waiting for. They actually lifted the cell phone van since Covid became such a big deal, but I am trying to limit it.

Being here is the hardest thing I've ever done, and it's only the beginning of day 3.

I haven't slept more than a few hours each night so I've been told I'll have to take something if I didn't sleep tonight - so yay?

Therapy is rediculously hard. My therapist is some sort of wizard, I swear. She's managed to wrench so much information out of me that I normally don't give without making it feel like it's been wrenched.

More TW below.

TW:

dead parent

death

suicidal thoughts

But guess what? This is the first godamn therapist who hasn't keyed in in my dead mom and been like lAcY tHiS iS tHe SoUrCe Of YoUr TrAuMa LeTs TaLk AbOuT iT.

And I'm like, "Well I was a literal infant so I don't remember her and I never really wanted after the idea of having a mom" and instead of pushing and trying to make itball about having a dead mom I can't remember, she was like, "I understand, do you want to talk about your dad."

"Fuck yeah, he's the best - he punched a goose once!"

So that was nice.

But I'm so godamn tired and so exhausted. I miss my husband and my sweet pupper (Sir Chancelot Prancelot), and I miss having my own life. It can get boring during the free time between dinner and going to sleep, especially since I don't have outside privileges so I cant go outside without a accompanying nurse.

Because of the suicide plan I had in place, I'm on a Q30 (I do not know what the Q stands for) meaning that a particular nurse has to document that she has seen and checked in with me. This sounds great until night, where she doesn't check in, just comes into the room with a flashlight to make sure I'm breathing and haven't managed to sneak or get ahold of something to hurt myself with.

So, that sucks.

But I have a good group, and all of the therapists and teachers and nurses and doctors are really nice. When I came back to group after my first therapy session I was an absolute wreck. Immediately, the fun activity they did was thrown out the door and it became support Lacy time. It was surprising, to say the least. I always feel like I'm not a particularly likeable person, so the idea that all these people, have known me for a grand total of 2 full days (no need o count today at 7AM - I got time to change their minds) and they're already there. I had missed the activity where everyone was going around the room with papers, writing positive aspects about people.

Guys, I wasn't even in the to when they did this, they did not have to include me whatsoever. I wouldn't have known.

Here's what was written in my paper.

Strong, brave, patient, smart, open, friendly, helpful, suing, sociable, compassionate, sweet, respectful, good rtson, funny, big heart.

Like, complete and totally gobsmacked-ness.

Not to mention, my fellow patients kepp checking in. I have cried so much and it doesn't take long for someone to sniff me out and either talk to me or just sit with me and do their own things because one of my goals I (shouldn't have) shared in group that I was going to try not to self-isolate or hide, so they are more than happy to make sure to meet my goals. After lunch and dinner it was agreed I could have some hiding time, so I'm glad nobody is going... crazy (finger guns) about it.

All in all, I'm exhausted, still scared, still homesick and weirdly lonely, kind of feel trapped -

But

I have a good group and a supportive staff

I think I might make it, guys

Only three weeks and five days to go.

Any asks will be appreciates - I'm gonna try to get the ones I already have up with one or two a day, so I'll be able to finally post the stuff I've already written.

Love y'all,

-Lacy

#tw mental hospital #tw suicide #tw suicide thoughts #tw dead parent #tw death #lacy explains it all #not dragon age