#not just like. they're vaguely aware you like a thing

[trans-xianxian]

#I mean specifically like. do your siblings know the extent of your interest #not just like. they're vaguely aware you like a thing #mewtchuals will post abt talking at length w their siblings abt a thing or god forbid following them on tumblr and I'm like HUH??? #as far as my sister knows cql is a nameless show I have a keychain from #maybe it has something to do w age gap?? like my sister and I are very very close but she's also 5.5 years older than me #we've watched things together before but she like doesn't know I'm insane yknow #ghost posts #poll

[skunkes]

unsure how to word this but there is something about having ocs with unsavory events happening in their past where it's like. talking about it, even when asked, seems almost gratuitous and inappropriate. and i'd much rather describe it through the oc themself and/or draw Them saying it. which is like. fitting for the subject matter? like of course its weird to talk about somebody else's business...!

and falls back into humanizing em/exploratory writing and development where u consider the impact of words said/words unsaid/HOW those words are said etc etc

#because not all real persons would give u every detail of their trauma obviously #which makes sense but im an overexplainer but also it feels inappropriate to overexplain when it comes to dis #i hope that makes sense #talkys #i once described what went down with al as just directly as possible and it still felt weird. ykwim?? idk why. #well i do know why! i dont want it to seem gratuitous or like That Cheap Writing Element. fine line #same with talon so he'll just keep implying it thru text + dialogue which is how it should be ! #the only difference is i think with al i wrote it like he would've said it bc he has more access to that side of himself #and is aware of how it affected him #whereas characterwise talon absolutely would just speak in riddles about and around it #i don't even think he's conscious about the direct effects of it #(but i wouldnt know bc he hasn't made that known to me in my brain) #people respond differently to different things and all that #also im so sorry if half the shit ive said recently is so like. Well Duh. i havent made a new oc in a decade gimme a break LOL #also i realize the. irony? of me even vaguely talking about it in the way i did but 1. i think that's also realistic when you #dont want to do a whole deep dive on someone else's business and 2. people are becoming #curious about my oc(s) and im just thinking about well; significant events and how to handle not speaking about em #FOR them. <- weirdly #idk. they're real to me. #its just so much more interesting to leave it up to them! people can lie people can downplay

[francy-sketches]

If I'd actually posted all my pjo art when I made it instead of hoarding it like a little goblin for no apparent reason today I might have been known as the octavian guy instead of the joffrey guy...scary thought...

#.txt #went thru my old pjo art the other day...man #I actually didn't draw him that much compared to how much I draw joffrey lol. ig i had more shame #but also there's simply less to his character. what am I even supposed to take inspiration from #'less to his character' there's NOTHING #woahhh a villain that poses no real threath has no depth and is just there to be laughed at how interesting #i say this as if I didn't make up 1048399574 scenarios in my head with him #when i wasn't into got yet but i was like. vaguely aware of joffrey I'd look at him like woah octavian fancast #now I'm like. um no??? they have a completely different vibe you idiot -_- #what did I see in this guy like genuinely #ok but the thing is that octavian enjoyers were so removed from the source material. I mean obviously they were. bc he's not well written #or even that much of a character tbh. ofc you'd have to make shit up #so like what im saying is that maybe I woulnd't have been actually. bc I enjoyed him in the evil rat bastard way #meanwhile everyone else was like 'aw poor baby :( rick sucks he doesn't understand him :(( I could treat him better' #once I did see someone say that about joffrey but they turned out to be a weirdo so. lol #'what did I see in this guy he's a nothing character...anyway I love tommen and myrcella my little meowmeows <3' #they're very layered TO ME. my beloved canon ocs

[spellsparkler]

I think that a solid 75% of act 3 is everyone, collectively, telling row that please, for the love of god, the mind flayer in their pocket is not their friend. and they keep saying I KNOW. come on you know I'm not that gullible. I do not trust it as far as I can throw it (quite far; the prism doesn't weigh much) honestly can you drop it I think I've earned a bit more faith than this. and they mean it all from the bottom of their heart and they are also lying through their teeth

#what kind of mental illness is it when you look at a monstrous thing that is blatantly obscuring its motives and using you #and you go 'it's just like me fr' #like hiiii are you pretending to be a person with the goal of striking up a vaguely parasitic but roughly mutually beneficial relationship #because you need them to do what you cannot but fear that what you really are would be seen as inherently wrong?? omg samee #the projection goes crazy #on an intellectual level row does not trust the emperor an inch. and they are not aware of any level of themself but the intellectual #but if and when it eventually fucks them over I know they're going to be crazy devastated #not my emotional support pocket monster... #row tag

[hella1975]

(hella you dont have to answer this, just wanted to say it) i know you ofc know that grief is a really complicated n fickle feeling but. it is, so i hope u can give yourself that space to grieve and do whatever it takes...but also please take care of yourself. and we're both creators of stuff so i really get the feeling, but i promise youre not destined for getting worse or stuck in that. something similar happened to me my senior year and even if you didn't know him that well, you're allowed that space to feel too.

ik my words prob dont do much, and i dont pretend to know better than you about your hometown or life or anything like that, but im here if u wanna talk. i love u <3

thank you for this my love. this is so kind and you didnt need to say anything but you DID and im so grateful for that. i promise im okay and im very good at being able to tell what episodes are temporary and what are more serious, so i know this one is temporary and is more shock/natural sadness at hearing the news that will peter off over time, so im trying to just. let myself feel it all for now and then put it to rest after a couple days. im sorry you can relate at all, i feel like it's such a specific, strange kind of grief to explain, when it's someone you know very distantly and technically have no 'right' to grieve, because like you said, grief is complicated, and it doesn't care what right you have to it or not. which is something im having to remind myself of and tell myself im not being selfish or self-centred for feeling upset by this. ive reached out to one of my irls and im going to tell her tomorrow bc i trust her to be good about this, so as basic as that sounds that's a pretty huge thing for me and im hoping it'll help even if it is just. talking it out. idk. but i appreciate this and i appreciate you, ily bestie xx

#as much as i do blame my hometown i think a part of that anger/blame is a coping mechanism #bc it's easier to blame all the bad things that happen IN that town ON that town if that makes sense #and im aware it lacks nuance to narrow shit down like that but it makes it bearable for me #to just blame everything on this vague broad 'hometown' idea in my head #instead of truly delving into it bc that WOULD make me miserable #im so sorry to even delve into this for anyone idly reading bc i know this is very serious but i need to put it SOMEWHERE #like im twenty and SIX boys in my year have died #two were drug overdoses and one got pulled out of the river so we'll never know which of those were accidental or on purpose #one boy had leukaemia another got killed in a hit and run the day before his eighteenth birthday #and now this boy. and he fucking hung himself like i cant get that out of my head of all the ways to go he chose that #and of those six boys two of them were my cousins and one was seventeen when he overdosed and we're pretty sure it was an accident #which makes it WORSE like he would have known when the drugs were already in his system that it was too much #and he was just a child. he would have been so scared. and they're all just dead now and they keep dying #and i just feel so helpless and like in me getting out of that town i left them behind? #idk. im venting now im not expecting any of this to be addressed by anyone lmao the problem with most of it is that it CANT be addressed #like what can you do? just keep on going until the next one #ask #delete later

[muppetminge]

 alright i’m gonna say it - the ‘not like other girls’ narrative is blatantly sexist and the day we retire the usage of nlog the world will become an ever so slightly better place

#mona mona mona #yes i am aware of the ~problematic~ ideas behind it in the first place. that doesn't justify mocking women #often for literally nothing!! #and the the fact that it's especially used against teenage girls. like a teenage girl (who may i remind you is literally in the process of #forging her own identity and therefore yeah is probably gonna say some stupid shit. that's part of it leave her alone) will say something #vaguely quirky and people will jump on her with sarcastic 'wow you're so interesting and nlog' and mock #like #how's that okay? #and how this ties in with the usage of 'pick-me' which is also a horrible term #not to say it but #women really can't do anything huh #sure sure internalized misogyny. whatever. i know i know i know. why does that justify actual external misogyny tho #and at this point it is literally just shaming women for doing things. #(and i'll repeat: stop bullying literal teenage girls for being cringy. they're just doing their job. let them have their fun.) #anyway any excuse for hating and demonizing women i guess <3 #fuck.

[01tsubomi]

every cartoon in the past 10 years has been like “here’s one of our protagonists, a happy-to-lucky oddball preteen girl who’s optimistic to a fault” and every time i’m like alright yes yes keep em comin

#this could also just be a direct at disney tv animation bc. why has every one had this #can't stress how much i don't mean this as a bad thing though #if anything i wish i had like a lot of time to meticulously watch all of gravity falls star amphibia owl house and molly mcgee (and every #other similar show i've missed) and compare #when you think abt the types of characters that are appealing towards kids and what's relatable it makes sense to keep showing #unique and positive representations of girls who may not be as 'adult' as they're supposed to be yet and mess up but bounce back #and i do think the strength of each of those characters comes from the intention of the writers. like it's not like they all literally are #supposed to be carbon copies of each other #but seriously i wish i had like. recently binged all those series. so i could actually talk abt how each character succeeds #bc currently i'm drawing a blank on all but mabel #love you forever mabel #the closest i have ever gotten to 'defending x character on the internet isn't enough i need a gun' #i actually don't understand how the general populous view of her changed so much but that's besides the point #the main point here is i started watching molly mcgee and dude i love it #so silly and fun if anything i wish it were even zanier bc i love the moments when you can tell the crew were just having a good time #personal #all of this also circles back around bc the REASON i started watching molly after being so vaguely aware of it is bc i finally saw a tiktok #showing molly and libby's friendship #and idk if they're even trying to eventually let them be girlfriends but duuuuude i love everything abt them #two total weirdo 13 (?) year olds who just get to be besties and comfy around each other in all their oddness?? #that struck a chord so deep inside me and if representation /is/ what they're going for i think that's a really good angle to take #representing the weird queer girls who stick together #which is also to say that i love!! weird cartoon girl protagonists!! #it's just a good type of girl character to be putting out there #so. yea i love em all. keep em coming. keep showing little girls they can be out there and loud and happy

[kargaroc]

I don't even know exactly how I feel about ascension in rain world, but it drives me up the wall when people equate it to suicide

#and I cant even argue because its up to interpretation. that being a plausible one #but the game does push you towards the idea of death being bad #I currently am holding the vague idea of the void fluid disintegrating you #but the void worms make that moment pleasant. if you have proper karma #youre removed from the cycle.... but there is a bigger overarching cycle that nothing can be removed from #its just that it's not remembered #the cycle that is escapable is the thing creatures become aware of. having memories of branching timelines #ascension removes the memories but they are still ultimately the same being once the Large cycle comes back around to them #probably very confusingly explained. thats why its tags lol #rw #rain world spoilers #and like. from the pov of those wanting to ascend. I think it's not 'I want to die' it's 'I want to be free from suffering' #for the ancients I think it's a bit more in a selfish way for most of them. like as if they're so enlightened that they earn this bliss #most ascension endings are very happy for the slugcats. so are their alternate endings. one is not 'the bad ending' in most cases #it also is weighted by how YOU feel about being removed from reincarnation. I personally would want to stay in the cycle. so I like the #alt endings more #but putting myself in the pov of the scuggies. I can see why they might pick either path #also idk if this is in the lore but... wouldnt suicide be a 'sin'? idk what they call them.. burdens? #it can be interpreted as not earning your 'freedom' and indulging in violence and possibly greed #of course theres two sides for the spirituality of rain world... that being how the ancients viewed it. versus how it actually is #and we do not know much about how it actually is. so.

[akajustmerry]

i've been thinking and i think a lot of celebrity discourse wouldn't be a thing if more people understood how PR works and that these famous people have been carefully curated as products for consumption 99% of the time. the reason a lot of actors seem so much like their characters is because, a lot of the time, they're deliberately playing that aspect of themselves up to promote the project they're in. why do you think so many straight actors starring in gay films have vaguely gay anecdotes prepared for interviews? why do you think leads promoting rom-coms often play up their chemistry in interviews? none of it is accidental. pedro pascal isn't walking around calling himself daddy because he happens to genuinely call himself that. it makes him more marketable. i think a lot of us know that celebrities' public personas are curated, but it doesn't stick because we want to be entertained and to like these people. the more I interact with PR people as part of my job and am made aware of the "rules" surrounding celebrity interactions and interviews - the more I've realised just how much of a performance all of it is. now i am not saying it's a Bad thing, i think this curation is mostly in place to protect privacy and keep promotion focused on the show/film. but i don't think it would hurt for more people and fans to remember that almost everything you know and see about celebrities is incredibly curated and tunnel-visioned to make them living breathing promo material for whatever they're in, which is to say that these are the last people who should be looked to as role models for moral and ethical guidance because they aren't *for* that.

#/

[stevieschrodinger]

Everyone is stoned. Just. So stoned. Eddie brought over the good stuff. The TV's been stuck on static for like, forty minutes, but no one can be bothered to move.

"You shut up Steven, you've practically dated everyone in the room."

"Robs. Robs. We never. Not even prac-ti-cly."

"Yeap, yeap, you asked me-"

Steve huffs, "we were drugged and in a bathroom, and doesn't count. Said no."

"But I nearly said yes. So you've nearly dated everyone," Robin tells him confidently.

Steve's vaguely aware of either Nancy or Eddie making a noise at that revelation, but he's not looking at where they're lying on the floor, so he doesn't know which of them it was.

And for a split second, Steve's back there. Drugged, confused, sitting in a bathroom and absolutely certain that he's in love with Robin, "you never told me that."

She shrugs, she shrugs like it's nothing, like she hasn't just turned Steve upside down a little bit, "I only figured it for a second, but I thought, if there was someone I could...fake it with. It would be you."

And there's just so many things she's not saying there. That don't need to be said. About the world and why she would consider that. Too many things for Steve to process. And Steve's crying, he doesn't even know why really, just big feelings that he can't define. A life they nearly had that would have been a lie, but still a forever with Robin. He's got a lapful of Rob now, and he holds her so tight, so so tight. And he knows Eddie is there, rubbing his back, and Nancy is doing the same for Robin.

And he kind of thinks that things do just work out.

#eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #steddie #ficlet #headcanon #robin buckly #nancy wheeler #ronance #steve and robin #platonic stobin

[homunculus-argument]

I think the reason why some cis people are so offended by being called "cis" is because they're entirely unfamiliar with the idea that they might be things that they didn't deliberately choose to be, or that the way they inherently are and hadn't considered as a distinct thing may be a concept that's been named, observed and defined. They don't like to learn that there are names for them that they had not been aware of.

When you've lived all your life with a vague and lingering dread that you are somehow different from everyone around you, it's a relief to learn that there are words for what you've got going on, that there are names for people like you. That you're not somehow uniquely wrong in some way in which everyone else is right, you're just type B when the vast majority of people are type A. There are others like you, whose patterns are like yours, you are not a deviant for deviating from the "norm".

Default Settings People get strangely insulted by the mere idea that they, too, have a slot in the classification system. They'll protest this, being the biggest, most typical, and statistically most likely category isn't enough, they want to be outside of this system completely. Arguing "I'm not some type, I am normal", like being sorted into a type at all is dehumanising and insulting. They want there to only be One Type, and that everyone falling outside of it is a Miscellaneous Deviant. Being "typical" in contrast to "atypical" isn't enough, they want to be normal in contrast to abnormal.

In unrelated news, the ADHD subreddit on reddit has banned the word "neurotypical". That kind of language has been deemed as 'political', meaning that it hurts the feelings of neurotypicals and therefore should not exist.

[luciddownloading]

Astrology Observations: Scorpio Edition ☠️

🦂In doing these observations, I like breaking down the differences between the Sun, Moon and Rising in a sign. With Scorpio, I look at each as the different elements of a crime scene.

(These are analogies/metaphors, btw. Please don't take this literally)

Scorpio Rising is like the detective. They are investigators, obsessive thinkers, and will dig and dig until they find the info they need. It is very hard to hide around them because they will ask questions, get in your head, and figure out your motives. Most people don't know what they're doing and the extent of their manipulation. But, like the detective, this skill can be used for good.

Scorpio Sun is the murder victim. And, hold on, I am not saying they are weak or powerless. It's more so that the metaphorical "deaths" they have to endure end up shaping who they are. And, like a murder victim, they become very well-known for how they "died", whether it was through heartbreak, betrayal, career/financial loss, mental health struggles/breakdowns, etc. But, the good thing is that they learn that any kind of death is only a transformation.

Scorpio Moon is the killer. As nice and charming as this person may appear (and genuinely be), there is a fierce, sometimes even ruthless instinct within. It's just about learning how to destroy what needs to be killed off, in a positive/constructive sense. But, heaven help those who fuck around and find out. Like a killer, they can be both vaguely intimidating but also the last person you'd expect. Their dark or ferocious side can catch people off guard and that intensity is not only unmatched but can rage out of control if not managed.

(All three placements have a little of each archetype in them but each displays these respective energies the most)

🦂 People with Scorpio placements = love of horror movies. Most of the time, anyway. Especially Scorpio Sun, Moon or Rising. This obsession may begin young and even extend to a fascination with true crime. This is my Moon sign and I loved horror and serial killer documentaries so much growing up that I got side-eyed a few times lol. (But, now, of course, that's become trendy)

🦂 Scorpio Venus people are not necessarily the die-hard, super-serious, "I love you so I must breathe your oxygen" relationship types that they're made out to be. Some of them channel a lot of that intensity into the sexual part of relationships while remaining casual or emotionally unavailable otherwise. So, this placement can be as much of a player or serial dater as anyone. That just may not exactly be how they want to act deep down.

🦂 Those with Mercury in Scorpio usually have some skill with divination, whether or not they are tapped into it. They could make excellent astrologers or Tarot readers. Some of them are naturally good at spell work, as well, or could be skilled mediums or channelers.

🦂 There are two types of Scorpio Risings: 1) the ones who give you witchy or sexy vampire vibes (and who may identify with either archetype) 2) the ones who seem like adorable, harmless elfin/fae beings who are much more powerful than they initially appear.

🦂 Scorpio people look great in all black and this isn't limited to the Venus or Rising sign. It is a power move of sorts and a way to honor one's shadow self (which every self-respecting Scorpio person will thrive on). Also, try black boots, ultra-high heels for those who wear them, and anything sheer like mesh or lace.

🦂 Scorpio Moon people are either very naturally seductive/erotic/alluring (even if they don't try or aren't aware of it) or has the sex appeal of a bowl of mashed potatoes, even though they may try very hard to be sexy. Sexiness can vary with Scorpio people and does tend to exist in extremes. But, since the Moon is what comes instinctively, this is truest for them. They either have it or they don't.

🦂 Scorpio Mars people can be very, VERY petty. This is the lower expression of it. The evolved ones will have a past of vindictive behavior or holding ridiculous grudges but learn to rise above that. And I mean ridiculous grudges. Like, "you ate the last slice of pizza that I wanted two years ago and I haven't forgotten it".

🦂 Scorpio Suns and daddy issues go together like peanut butter and jelly. In most cases, either the father figure walks out on them or dies during their upbringing or they just have a super-complicated relationship.

🦂 It's hard to find a sign that is more proud of their sign than Scorpio. Virgo's may outdo them (because so many Virgos LOVE telling you they're a Virgo lol) but they're up there. This extends to the Moons and Risings, as well. They are quite likely to get a tattoo of the Scorpio symbol or a scorpion or phoenix or eagle.

#astrology #astrology observations #astro observations #scorpio #scorpio energy #scorpio placements #scorpio sun #scorpio moon #scorpio rising #scorpio mercury #scorpio venus #scorpio mars #scorpio stellium

[zarnzarn]

i see all these comments talking about this after the new episode, but. i would like to state for the record that stolitz isn't. toxic.

first off, the concept of a toxic and a healthy relationship are such... vague terms. when you're online, drenched in language and tight moral boundaries, trying to put a nuanced story like helluva boss's into boxes is easy to attempt and impossible to do.

a toxic relationship is one where one or both parties is maliciously affecting the other. I'm talking fetid, nasty, rude interactions where there is more hurt than love. they're unhappy more often than not when they're with their partner, there's no respect or give from the other side.

stolitz is nothing like that.

Stolas actively cares about Blitz and actually has no fear or hesitation in ADMITTING IT OUT LOUD TO OZZIE. he has been calling, texting, commenting, laughing and finding ways to spend time with Blitz. he's throwing everything he has to the wind, finding the courage to move forward with the divorce, putting everything he has into trying to keep him. he's been alone in a palace since he was born, on medication, with such less people dear to him that he remembered the circus boy who spent a day with him DECADES ago- so when blitz comes into his life and brings back in laughter and color and sex, he's holding on with everything he's got.

and blitz does care!!! he cares a LOT, the whole series we see him falling in love with stolas through SHOW NOT TELL (his expressions, his choices, his fear, his lashing out) and utterly unable to process that stolas cares about him too when talking to fizz; almost a desperate kind of denial-

cause yknow. the first time he tried to confess something to someone he really liked, he accidentally killed half the people he knew and ruined the lives of the rest?

thats gonna leave just a teensy impact on the will to express your emotions in the future, methinks.

even before that, he clearly felt like on some level that he was unworthy and he's said twice that he despises himself for the accident even though it wasn't actually his fault. being self aware doesn't stop the emotions from emotioning.

he keeps insisting its only sex so urgently to anyone who doesn't ask because he can't even imagine it being anything else. he's both disappointed and relieved when he repeats that stolas sees him as a novelty, because what else can it be?

(there's a whole other spiel of how brave both Stolas and Blitz have to be to say it out loud even when asmodeus can't afford to, considering how publically and completely beaten down both were at the club.)

(there's also another whole spiel about how frustrating it has been for ME to see all these comments over time with such bad takes based on like,, 20 min worth of info of a show that takes months to release an ep. like godDAMN have some patience?? let the story UNFOLD MAYBE? IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION WHY WOULD YOU CRITICIZE THINGS THAT ARENT EVEN FINISHED ESPECIALLY AN INDIE ANIMATION- i digress)

mind you, this has NOTHING to do with abuse. an abusive relationship is one where one is actively harming the other with full awareness. Stella is an abuser and their marriage is abusive.

and stolitz isn't that; it isn't even unhealthy or toxic. it's a consensual, transactional fuckbuddy relationship that slid into something more for both of them.

but!!!!! one of the main reasons for the problems that everyone looks over is-

they're in a BDSM relationship.

I can't possibly delve into dynamics without making this a 10k research paper BUT even though we've gotten only hints and costumes and dialogue- they're very clearly and undeniably in a BDSM contract. Behind the scenes of this crazy show is a whole different story, of these two delving into the most hardcore kinks out there- knifeplay, painplay, bondage.

if you've gotten into the community, if you've read a couple dozen particularly good fics by authors who know what they're talking about, hell; even if your only experience is fifty shades or 365 or whatever- you gotta know that BDSM scenes are crazy fucking emotionally heavy. there's so much that has gone down between them during their full moons that helluva can't get into!!

but you know how in so many of these popular medias and fics, the dom in the relationship is also like,, the billionaire/mafia heir/prince, etc, the one with financial and physical power? this isnt that. it has been very clearly stated that stolas is subbing, blitz is domming.

now take a moment and think about how much that fucks up the dynamics.

in stolas' eyes, blitz is a confident, dangerous individual who's an old friend and cherished memory of his, who he's trusted wholly with his safety during sex and he's lucky to have; and he has been in an abusive arranged marriage for the past eighteen Years, he's probably not going to be pushing his luck with his dom that much in the first place. plus, blitz is never cowed by him during their conversations- think back to the first phone call right after he stole the book, completely unafraid.

and for blitz, it's someone trusting him again- but it's also a royal- a blue blood who's nearly untouchable and so much more powerful- who couldn't possibly like a piece of shit like him, apart from the sex he gets out of it. he only flirts once he gets some sort of cue from Stolas; he's desperately trying to view this as only a Goetia trying to get his rocks off, despite all the evidence to the contrary, because anything else is unfathomable to him, no matter how clearly Stolas shows it, because of the ptsd.

both of them thinks the other has the power. both of them aren't expecting the other to keep shut if something's bothering them.

and there's so much conflicting messages from the other too!

stolas calls him a plaything when trying to intimidate the humans; stolas cups his face gently and asks if he's alright

blitz asks him on a date and tells him to get better soon; blitz yells that it's only sex and doesn't reply to his messages

ya see?

bring it to fizzozzie for a second now; even though they do look all good on surface, you can still see fizz's trauma and doubt in all their interactions, they're still forced to keep the relationship secret. do you see his face when Ozzie says in hyperbole that he's never leaving the house again, or when someone accuses him of being a pampered house pet or when he got sexualized in the 7th ep? whatever happened in the interim between the accident with mammon, it fucked him UP. even though oz seems to be well aware of this when he tells him not to apologise and in their general interactions, fizz still visibly has trouble separating plaything/commodity from healthy relationship.

shout the fuck out to Ozzie btw, man knows whats UP. rooting for these two so much omg.

i forgot where I was going with this point, I'll edit it when i remember. but yeah! lovely fucking relationship, but damn what angst filled issues.

anyway, to sum up- stolitz is not a toxic relationship. the relationship is stuck sludging through misunderstandings and careless microaggressions and trauma responses, but it's not unhealthy or toxic because of the simple reason that most of the current hurt comes from... a misunderstanding. stolas didn't realise blitz would need reassurance about what they were and blitz didn't see stolas as someone who could get hurt.

unecessarily calling it toxic, even online, is more impactful than people think too. almost all spindlehorse ARE on all social medias; so MANY YouTube animators i know have found jobs there; they see your words, especially since a lot don't tag posts with "anti hb" correctly to keep them out of the main tag. there are Very few queer medias made BY queer people that haven't gone through heavy corporate revisions- helluva boss is practically a historical landmark in its success. it's very very very fucking easy to forget that not ten years ago some of the only queer videos on YouTube were butter lover (one kiss at the end post credits), dirty paws and welcome to hell (subtext).

the amount of "critical talk" helluva boss gets for what it is is very unprecedented. it's a beautiful show. can't wait for the next episode.

#helluva boss #stolas #blitz #stolitz #fizzarolli #helluva boss ozzie #okay im gonna make SO much content but i had to get this off my chest first #because so many people were like omg fizzozzie is so healthy stolitz take a lesson!! #and theres so much more nuance to it thats its so. frustrating to see a statement like that #meta #anyways #i love this fucjing show

[dukeofankh]

Trying to find progressive masculine community is so exhausting.

I've flipped through local men's groups, trying to find places to explore masculinity in a chill, progressive setting. First of all, they mostly seem to be modelled after AA, and like, my gender isn't a debilitating addiction, it's part of my identity actually, but also, the invite and description of the event have maybe a short paragraph tops actually waving vaguely in the direction of what the purpose of the group is, and then ten to twenty paragraphs breaking down the rules. One spent longer talking about the hand signals he would use to direct conversation than he did describing what the conversation would be about. Another had a full paragraph explaining that if the group thought you were evading what they thought your "real" problem was, they'd probably "call you to take accountability". Like...I don't even know who these people are yet and they're already letting me know that they view it as their right, no, their duty, to bully me into seeing things their way. Like, this is in the invite.

...and this warning is there instead of any sort of breakdown of like, I dunno. Whether you should be a feminist to show up. Whether it was a safe space for queer men. What the hell they wanted to talk about. Joining a men's space is on some level inherently submitting yourself to the authority of the leaders of that group, and you don't usually get a particularly clear breakdown of what the values and goals of those leaders are, because on some level the answer is always going to be "whatever I want"

And like, unfortunately you do need to filter men to build a men's space. You do need to remove or chastise men who act in ways that are toxic or disruptive or misogynistic. If you don't things turn into an MRA chapter pretty quick. But the sort of emergency powers that leadership takes on as a result of that...just kind of naturally end up reproducing masculine heirarchies.

MensLib, the only online community of progressive dudes talking about masculinity that I'm aware of, is...on Reddit. So there is a moderator system. In theory, a moderator is there to...moderate. This is a space where people are going to be talking, and mods are there to make sure things don't get too toxic or off topic.

The issue is that, on some level, that is technically a leadership position. In a sub trying to rehabilitate masculinity. So you've got a bunch of folks who view themselves as the leaders of this bastion of goodness standing against the depredations of the misogynistic internet, guiding the hapless smooth-brain neophytes towards The True Way.

In practice, this looks like 95 percent of the posts submitted for the subreddit being rejected. That isn't hyperbole. On average, the sub has about one new post per day. Almost all posts directly relating a personal experience are deleted immediately, in favour of articles written about masculinity in traditional media publications, which are considered more trustworthy than the sus lived experiences of the guys in the sub. The post I wrote here about the effect of purity culture on male sexual shame that's sitting at about 15K notes was based on a 10K word post I wrote for Reddit that was deleted because "I didn't cite any sources to prove that there is a link between purity culture and male sexual shame, or that my experience was anything more than anecdotal". I get comments deleted on a regular basis, and after paragraphs of protesting in modmail that my comments are both fully in line with feminism and not against the rules, the mods have just finally told me that the rules don't actually drive their actions as a team. They delete anything they feel leads the conversation in a direction they personally feel is unproductive. The rule cited at the time of deletion is really just the broad category of why they decided to hit the button that says nobody is allowed to read what I wrote.

The issue is kind of twofold. First of all, progressive men do not trust other men. A good dude knows that he, individually, is a good person, but literally any other man external to him is on thin ice. Do you really want to tie your wagon to that guy? Do you trust him, really? How do you tell the difference between a guy criticizing an article because it's factually incorrect and criticising it because a woman wrote it? Probably best to play it safe and delete it. Weight of the odds, he's probably a misogynist, right? This is the internet.

And thats the other half of it. If you view yourself as part of the leadership of The Good Guys, and you're getting hatemail from incels and facists all day, you get to the point where most of the time people challenge your authority it's because they're a terrible person. It is very, very easy to get to the point where someone challenging you is seen as evidence that they are a bad person. And now someone is challenging you (and therefore bad), in an environment where you are in charge, and you have a "make your opponent disappear" button.

I know. A Reddit mod was rude to me and now I'm butthurt. It's petty and stupid. I'm just feeling like there's nowhere else to really go, and I'm pretty despondent that literally every space I've seen that even looks like it might be for progressive men has the same deeply hierarchical structure and constant status-oriented squabbling as patriarchal spaces.

#me writing stuff #positive masculinity #menslib

[infamous-if]

So sorry for the delay! ! My VS Code program wasn't calibrated with CSIDE and in the indentions basically messed up. The prologue coding is so wonky that honestly if I do anything I end up fucking up 2839393 lines of code. If you've been following a while, you're probably well aware of much hatred for the prologue's coding lmao but we live and we learn.

Storyline wise, not much has changed. Scenes are largely the same, since I'm pretty happy with what I wrote a year ago. For this rewrite, I focused mainly on the big things like choices that will impact the rest of the story and O's gender selection. Some new things include:

you can now play with Orion or Oriana Quinn

you can now express if the band went through a musical rebrand after seven and what the old genre was (which will come up later).

you can now choose whether mc "changed" after seven and what change that was (there's 4, technically 2, options and a "default" vague option, im open to more options since I wanted to do this but couldn't really think of any believable ones beyond the four).

new mc personality: attached vs detached. your mc can have an extra attachment to the band for obvious reasons, or can feel the opposite.

coordinating outfits can now be exclusive to the band members. your mc can be the unique unicorn of the group since they're the lead singer (this is definitely not gonna bite them in the ass later)

adding to that, your mc's reason for fame can be due to wanting to keep the band together.

a new flavor text feeling about seven is now added which is basically "idk how I feel" instead of hating or loving them, you can just make it that MC's feelings for them is just a big question mark. REALISM!

stat changes: stern/playful -- same thing as humorous/serious I just wanted words that encompassed a wider range of behavior Leader/follower - whether mc takes on the leader role or not camaraderie - a band stat that measures the trust/morale/closeness of the band

u can probably see where im going with the stats huh....

smaller changes include:

more choices and options

prose changes + dialogue additions and expanded/ added scenes

The beta testers have not touched this yet, as I wanted to bring it out to collect some last suggestions, ideas from Patrons. Of course, as always, if you do catch errors, please let me know.

My main concern for errors: O's pronouns. It was a long process but I may have missed a few pronouns here and there. Please let me know if you catch any <3

PROLOGUE: 93K WORDS (for context, the old prologue and chapter 1 were 92k together. The prologue is a tiny bit inflated but :))) 

I will make a post about beta testers soon. I've been quiet on that front because I've been just prioritizing getting this out first.

Now available for Band tier! (6$)

#update #rewrite

[rosemaze-reveries]

During an interview, the manor guests suddenly get a question about you.

this is def an experimental format!! i got this idea while reading the character letters. in the POV of an unknown interviewer (not reader). reader uses they/them.

🔗⚰️📰🔮❤️‍🩹💉🌪️✂️🍀🩰🔫🪡🤹🧲🦋🐍

Q. Could you describe your relationship with (Y/N)?

🔗 Ada - "Yes, that's my lover. I would say our relationship falls within the typical scope of that sort of thing. Of course, I believe we share something special, but everyone does when they're in love, don't they?" She covers all her bases in one decisive breath, leaving little room for me to comment.

⚰️ Aesop sits perfectly upright, fingers threaded at his knees. His eyes drift to the side and he seems to begin speaking mid-thought. "I had... cautioned myself not to upset their perception of me," he explains. "But they pried, and stayed, regardless of what they found... For that, I'm grateful."

📰 Alice has kept a sharp eye on me the entire time, but it's at this question that she drops the formalities. "I wasn't aware you would be prying into my personal affairs. Where did you learn that name?" Her frankness pins me in place. For some reason, I end up apologizing.

🔮 Eli can't help a sheepish smile from blooming across his face. "Well, truthfully... I don't use this term lightly, but they might be the love of my life." He has been consistently grounded with his responses, so I'm surprised to catch him flustered, however subtle it is. Personally, I'm touched.

❤️‍🩹 Emil considers for a moment. He doesn't meet me in the eye, instead pinning his gaze on nowhere in particular. A faint smile ghosts his lips. After a while, he answers, simply, "Safe."

💉 Emily's hands are folded neatly on her lap. At the mention of that name, her shoulders tense, but she otherwise maintains her composure. "Someone I trust." Her answer is vague and cautious, but acceptable. I'll try to uncover a deeper meaning behind that 'trust'.

🌪️ Ithaqua - "Mine." He is curt and to the point. Yours? I echo, hoping he'll elaborate. His head tilts to the side, and while I can't see the face behind his mask, a sense of dread suddenly overcomes me. I decide not to press further.

✂️ Jack stretches out his hand of blades, flexing each finger in front of him. I can't deny the cold sweat that drips down my spine just by being in his presence. "May I respond with a question of my own?" he says to me. "Suppose a butterfly loses its way, and winds up caught in a spider's web. Wouldn't you agree that the more it writhes and struggles, the more exhilarated the spider becomes?" I don't have the courage to hear out the rest of this analogy.

🍀 Lucky - "I've always been known as a pretty lucky guy, but the luckiest day of my life was when I met them! I remember it was the—" He drags me down a long-winded story about their life together. I get the idea. Eventually I'm forced to cut him off.

🩰 Margaretha twirls a curl of hair, a meek blush dusting her cheeks. "Have you ever been in love before? You're never prepared for the magic of it all. I feel a new rush with them everyday. I know, realistically, all good things come to an end, so I tried to remind myself to expect the worst, but they've proven over and over that... I'll never feel safer than in their arms." After rambling for some time, a look of surprise flashes across her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go off like that. Oh, but I've just never met someone who feels so much like true love before."

🔫 Martha doesn't miss a beat. "Sorry, I don't know anyone by that name." I look down to double-check the name written in her file. Her watchful gaze follows my line of sight. Are you sure? I try. "Must've been some confusion somewhere," she insists. The next day, I realize all my files on her and (Y/N) have gone missing.

🪡 Matthias - "Wh-What?" he starts, but keeps going before I can repeat the question. "Oh, uh, an ally, I guess." Well, I gathered that much. When I press for more details, his head sinks low, fingers grasping at the armrest. "I don't know what they saw in me. Was it out of pity?"

🤹 Mike's eyes light up and he blinds me with a contagious smile. "(Y/N)'s a sneaky one, and I mean it—they've got me under the trickiest spell of all. Guess what happens every time I think about them?" Egged on by his grin, I take the bait. You get lovesick? I guess. Suddenly, he tosses a handful of butterfly glitter in my face. "I get butterflies!" Very funny, I sigh, exasperated with these carnies. Why did he have that on hand in the first place?

🧲 Norton leans back in his chair, scowling. "What's that got to do with anything?" He snaps a couple times in my face, urging me to "stay on topic." It's hard to say if this question struck a nerve, as he's been uncooperative for most of this interview, but my suspicions point me to prod further. After all, it'd have been much easier if he just said he didn't know them.

🦋 Vera's face contorts into a leery, hostile glower. "Why do you ask that?" Before I can say anything to mitigate the rising tension, she catches herself, and her expression softens slightly. "I'm sorry. That's... someone quite dear to me, so your question took me by surprise."

🐍 Yidhra's follower goes pale, clearly unnerved. "She won't answer that," she tells me through shallow breaths. "Th-This isn't my place to say, but I'd advise you not to involve yourself with that person." As if on cue, I get a sensation I can only describe as a hand slowly wrapping around my neck. It disappears when I move to scratch it. Must've been my imagination.

Part 2

#again this is super experimental but U__U im interested in doing the rest of the cast maybe #identity v #idv x reader #identity v x reader #norton campbell x reader #ithaqua x reader #eli clark x reader #matthias czernin x reader #mike morton x reader #vera nair x reader #martha behamfil x reader #margaretha zelle x reader #aesop carl x reader #yidhra x reader #jack x reader #emily dyer x reader #lucky guy x reader #emil x reader #alice deross x reader #ada mesmer x reader