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verfound · 3 years

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WIPWed: Festering Folder Edition: Unsolicited Advice

Ok so I misjudged how many there were/how many could be answered together, soooo this is the last one for today! @mintaka14 wanted to know about "Unsolicited Advice", which...I really need to finish up oh man. 😂

I think I started this last October? Maybe September? I shared a bit of it back then. It's focusing on Anarka and Marinette. Marinette has recently broken up with Adrien and is struggling with the breakup (or more why she dated him in the first place, how they broke up, and how she had treated Luka during/since). She finds herself at the Trocadéro, struggling to find some inspiration, when Anarka finds her. Marinette's been avoiding the Liberty, and Anarka for the most part knows why, so they have a heart-to-heart over how First Loves are sometimes just Stepping Stones, how a First Love doesn't have to be the Last Love, and Have I Ever Told You About Boarding School? (The angst is lessened by Anarka telling her about how she met Jagged at boarding school, how they dropped out/ran away together, how Jagged was her first Big Love, but how ultimately loving Jagged made her realize her real Big/True Love is freedom.)

I don't think I've shared this particular conversation before, or if I did I think it was only a SSS of it...

I had this all queued up and ready to go, the snippet selected, when you got me working on it again and Dammit Min here have some more of what I posted Sunday.

“I’m sorry,” she said, closing the sketchbook and setting it down beside her. She sighed and laid her hands on her knees, flexing her fingers in a way she’d seen Luka do when he had too much nervous energy and no guitar to relieve it with. “I…I’ve been kind of a wreck lately.”

“Understandable,” the Captain said with a nod. “These things take time, lass. Broken hearts don’t heal overnight. Anyone who’d expect that of ye clearly never had a heart themselves.”

“…what’s that say about me, then, if I expected it of myself?” she asked quietly. The Captain chuckled and offered her the drink again. She shook her head in a polite refusal.

“It says ye’re human,” she said, shrugging as she took a swig. “It says ye want to be through it. He was yer first, aye?”

Marinette wondered what it said about her that all she could do was shrug. The Captain leveled her with a knowing look, and she hung her head before picking at the cuffs of her capris.

“He was yer first,” the Captain said. Marinette looked up, frowning as her eyes roamed over the plaza before them. It was a beautiful day. A normal day. She hated that she didn’t feel very normal.

“He was…what was expected,” Marinette finally said. When the Captain raised a bushy eyebrow over her red glasses, Marinette sighed and toed the steps before her. “Did you know, when he first joined our class, I didn’t like him? I didn’t even know him. All I knew was that he was Chloé’s friend, and that was enough to know I wouldn’t like him. But then…then he was nice to me, and I…I got so stupid over one kind gesture. I didn’t even know him, but I was convinced I was in love with him.”

“The heart be funny that way, sometimes,” the Captain chuckled. Marinette pursed her lips and shook her head.

“I still didn’t know him when we started dating, not really,” she sighed. “It’s like…it’s like there was the Adrien in my head, the one I was convinced was perfect and I was destined to be with, but then there was…Adrien. And Adrien wasn’t as perfect as I had always made him out to be. He wasn’t real.”

“And there be the rub,” the Captain said. Marinette sighed, nodding.

“There’s the rub,” she agreed. “Adrien wasmy first big crush, but…can I honestly call him my first love? I don’t know if I ever actually loved him. Not like I love…”

She stopped, her mouth snapping shut with a click of her teeth. The Captain’s eyebrow lifted again, and Marinette’s grip tightened on her knees. The Captain looked back out over the Trocadéro and finished her drink. When the bottle was empty, she leaned forward and hung it between her knees, spinning it idly by the mouth for something to busy her hands with.

It was something Marinette couldn’t help but notice, the way the older woman couldn’t seem to sit still even while being still. The way excess energy seemed to thrum through her like a plucked string, constantly moving and going and being. It was something Luka shared with her – something Marinette shared with her. It was also something she had never noticed in Adrien, who was so used to rules and keeping his place and had never been filled to bursting with a creative desire so strong you just had to get it out or you’d explode.

She wondered if that was her answer, right there. If you were supposed to fit with your Person, why had she never fit with Adrien?

“First loves be tricky like that,” the Captain finally said, tapping the glass bottle against the stone steps. The sound reminded Marinette of her bangles, the clicking of her rings, of wind chimes glinting in the sun as they moved with the breeze. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, pulling it into her lungs and holding it there until it burned. “Me first was a useless lagabout. Still. Gave me two wonderful bairns, so he can’t be all bad.”

Marinette started at that, her eyes popping open as she turned back towards the Captain. The Captain’s eyes were crinkling around the edges with her smile, distant and warm as she looked out over the milling crowd. She knew about…of course she did. When the Captain had finally come clean with Luka, after that akuma had forced the truth from her…Marinette had been the first person Luka had gone to. But even then, the Captain had always played those cards so close to her chest. She never spoke about Luka and Juleka’s father, not if she had any choice in it. He was part of her past, and the Captain had always been more focused on moving forward.

Marinette said nothing. She didn’t know what she could say. For her part, the Captain just tapped a slow, tinkling beat on the glass bottle with her rings. The silence continued to stretch, but there was nothing uncomfortable about it. The Captain would talk when she was ready, just as she knew Marinette would.

“It’s funny, when ye’re young,” she finally said, her fingers still tapping at the bottle like she was picking at old strings. “Ye think in such strict, narrow ways. Life be in black and whites, and ye can’t imagine it being any other way ‘til one day…it is. Ye think ye be meant fer one person. That one person be yer fate, yer destiny, and no one else will possibly compare. Could possibly take that place.”

A group of kids ran by, screaming and laughing as they disrupted a group of pigeons. She expected M. Ramier to yell at them – to see a purple butterfly flapping its way across the sky – but he just laughed and offered more crumbs to the little girl with the yellow shorts. She ran over to the spot where the pigeons were regathering, tossing the crumbs out for them and giggling as they cooed.

“But a heart’s a big place, Marinette,” the Captain said, smiling as a breeze blew through her hair. She closed her eyes and breathed it in, her fingers stilling on the bottle. “Bigger an’ stronger than ye could ever dream. Big as the sea, lass. There’s room enough fer a world o’ love there.”

Marinette swallowed and looked back at her knees. Her heart didn’t feel very big right now. It felt…fragile.

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argumentl · 3 years

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The Freedom of Expression - Ep 35 - If a giraffe wore a bow tie...?

K: Hi this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, with this week's episode of 'The Freedom of Expression'. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. Joe san, whats going on with that mask?

J: This? It's good. It gets me in a supportive mood. If I wear this, if everyone wears these, who knows? Hanshin might move up? Miraculously from second place?

K: So if I wore one...

J: Yeah!

K: But because Im not wearning one..?

J: Its because you're not wearing one! Thats it!

T: Yeah.

Kami: No, no, its impossible.

J: Is it?

Kami: Yes, it is!

K: Yeah, I think its probably impossible.

Kami: Lets just get on with the show.

J: Ah, I see. Ok.

K: Ok, Joe...

K: Yes, today's news is this. If a giraffe wore a bow tie, would it wear it at the top or the bottom of the neck? There are many problems in the world that need discussing, but this may be a very important discussion to us. It was reported by the U.S. edition of the Huffington Post. The question was posted on Twitter on the 14th of September, 'If a giraffe wore a bow tie, would it wear it at the top or the bottom?', and lots of people have answered it. Well, we can't show you the images, but just to explain it simply, can I show my drawing?

K: Oh, already?

J: *showing his drawing* Well, Im not sure if it looks like a giraffe...

K: No, it does look like a giraffe.

J: Does it?

K: Yes.

J: Is it ok? Well, according to the Huff post article, a giraffe would wear a bow tie either here (*points to top of the neck*), or here (*points to bottom of neck*)

K: Either nearer to the face, or nearer to the body?

J: Yep. People have a lot of thoughts on the correct way a giraffe should wear a bow tie, and many people have been writing many reasons for their answers. For example, people who think it should be at the bottom say that if the giraffe tied the bow tie himself, his front legs would only reach up that far up. And as for the opinion of small kids, they say that humans wear bow ties at the top of their neck, so giraffes should too. Many different age groups have many different reasons for where the bow tie should go. Humans don't have a lot of choice because our necks are short, but its like, what do you think as for a giraffe with a long neck?

K: Hmm.

J: So we might as well each have a go at drawing a bow tie on a giraffe, and we'll give our reasons for where we put it.

T: Shall we have a go? Its pretty difficult.

K: Um, we only put a bow tie on it, right?

J: Yeh, only a bow tie.

K: Not with a shirt, or a suit or anything?

J: No

K: You put a bow tie with a shirt though usually, don't you?

J: Yeh, you do.

K: You don't often tie it straight onto your neck, do you?

J: You don't, right.

T: Yeah.

K: So, if you had a shirt...well, maybe im saying too much.

J: Yeah...

T: Lets just draw first.

J: Yeah, lets do the drawing first. You can use your ideas in your drawing...Hm, where to put it...

T: Its quite difficult.

J: Haha, Tasai's giraffe is kinda impressive anyway.

K: Its a Tokyo Sports-style giraffe, right?

J: Haha, yeah.

K: Its quite mysterious.

J: Haha, it is. ???*1 Even this shows our differences. I think mine's ok compared to Tasai's, haha....But where should it go...?

T: Its difficult, isn't it?

J: Kami isn't here so he can't draw one, but Kami, draw one in your mind. We'll ask you too.

Kami: Ok.

K: Is Kami artistic, I wonder?

J: Can you draw, Kami?

Kami: No, I can't draw at all. Its shocking.

J, K, T: Ahh.

J: Ok, shall we start with Tasai?

K: Shoudn't I go first?

J: I thought we could end with you?

K: Really? Im not gonna win to him, haha *points to Tasai*

J: If its winning or losing based on first impressions, ???*2

K: Ok, I chose bottom.

J: Oh, the bottom?

T: You're in the 'bottom of the neck' club? Why? What are your feelings?

K: If its too near the face, the balance will be off.

T: Ah, I see.

J: It looks stylish. Does it make the neck look long?

K: No, well, its long anyway, haha.

J: Ah, it doesn't make it look long, it just is long.

K: Well, I mean, it could also wear it half way up.

J: Ah, I see.

K: I just thought its probably best not to have it too near the face.

J: Ah, I see. Well, as for me, the bow tie looks terrible, but..

T: Is that a bow tie? It looks more like a stick! It looks like its wearing a dumbell on its neck!

J: It does look like a dumbell, but my idea was to put it at the top.

K: Is that a collar? haha

J: It ended up looking kinda like a collar. I have the image of it being closer to the top. If its at the bottom, its close to the body, but I feel like a tie should be on the throat. Where is the throat on a giraffe??

T: Yeh..

K: Hmm, yeh. Im not sure.

J: I don't know either, but I put the bow tie at the top.

T: I see.

J: Ok, Tasai..

T: Well...(*holds up his drawing*) I put a very big bow tie on the neck.

J, K: Haha.

T: At the top of the neck.

J: Ah, at the top?

K: Where is that animal from? haha

Kami: Its pretty good.

J: Look at the eyes!

K: Haha

Kami: You're good at drawing.

T: Can you see it Kami?

Kami: Yep, I can, I can.

K: The artistry...

J: Should we make this into a tshirt?

T: Hahaha.

K: This would be pretty good on a tshirt.

J: It would, right?! You know that alien thing by the artist Daniel Johnston? Its like that.

T: Really, wow! That kind of highly acclaimed work?

J: It could go on a tote bag!

T, J: Hahaha

Kami: Isn't the neck on this giraffe a bit short though?

T: Well, its because the bow tie is so big, the neck looks short.

K: No, its the face that makes the neck look short.

Kami: The face is too big..

T: There's a reason for the bow tie. If you put a big one here, it really stands out. It just screams, 'Lets have a party on the savannah!'

J: Ah, I see. Its for a party?

T: Yeh, this big one is for parties, and when he's trying to seduce a woman, he has this more subdued one at the bottom..

K: This depends a lot on the circumstances!

T: And a woman will see this small bow tie, and think, 'Ah, he's so stylish'.

J, K: Hahaha

T: So this small one is to attract the ladies.

J: I see.

T: The big one has more personality.

J: Like, 'Its me!'

T: Yeah, like 'Im here! Number 1 in the savannah!'

J: And the little one is for the women?

T: Yeah, at night he'll take off the big one, and just wear the small one...and while they're having drinks, she'll think, 'Oh, how stylish'.

J: I think Tasai's picture has a big impact, right?

K: Yeah, its good.

J: I feel like this is the first time I've seen a drawing of yours, Tasai. Even after doing this show for so long...

T: Yeah..it shows my personality.

J: Ahh, its great.

K: So, it seems like wearing it at the top is common.

J: At the moment, yeh. What about Kami?

Kami: I think bottom.

J: Ohh, bottom? Same as Kaoru.

Kami: It seems like it would get in the way if it was at the top.

T: Ahh, yeh. In a practical sense.

Kami: It wouldn't be nice getting his neck caught on something. If it was a regular tie, it would strangle him, wouldn't it?

T: Yeh, thats right.

J: Well, yeh.

Kami: So I think bottom is better.

T: Well, a bow tie is pointless to start with, so I thought, like ultra flashy.

Kami: Its because a giraffe's neck is long, as to why people are worrying about this, right?

J: Yeah.

Kami: So if it were an elephant, for example..It would be, 'Where would you put a nose piercing?'

T: Where would it go? Wouldn't it just be at the hole?

K: Well, it would have to be if it was a ring type. It would get really clogged up if it was further up *3

J: Haha, agh it would! So, how about this? Could people write comments on youtube?

T: Oh, like 'My idea is.....'. But isn't this better? (*Points to his own paper*) Its loud.

K: It looks kinda childish to me. At the bottom looks more mature.

J, T: Ah, yeh.

Kami: It would get dirty when he eats.

T: Haha

Kami: If he spilled his food....at the top.

J: Well, yeh.

K: Well it would get dirty at both ends in that case, haha.

T: You're right, it does look childish at the top.

J: Well, it is a hot topic on twitter.

T: I wonder if any conclusion has been made about this? Im interested.

J: Yeah. Well, I read a while ago about this 'missing link'. So, a giraffe's neck is long, right? And they havn't discovered any animal that had just a medium length neck, have they?

K, T: Ahh

J: So according to the theory of evolution, the neck should have become longer over time, bit by bit. But a missing link animal with just a medium length neck hasn't been discovered. So one explanation is the neck became long all of a sudden.

T: Ehh?

J: Normally, it should get longer bit by bit, right? By trying to reach food higher up. If the food lower down is all gone, and there is a lot of competition, the neck should have grown longer to reach food higher up. But that would mean reaching higher places little by little. So there should be some animal with a partially grown neck according to evolution, but it doesnt seem like there is. So some people are saying it might have changed all of a sudden.

Kami: There are things like that for elephants and stuff, aren't there? With partially grown trunks.

J: Well, there probably isn't, right? I don't think there are any elephant fossils like that.

K: But there was so many different types of animals alive in the past, right?

J: Yeah

K: Unrecognizable ones, looking like they came out of manga.

J: Yeh yeh yeh. So, from those we have left the ones that were able to adapt to their environment. And its said that giraffes developed their long neck trying to eat food from the top of trees, due to competition with other animals.

T: It looks that way, but after what you just said, im not sure now.

J: Its interesting. Like, we don't know if it was a sudden change caused by a virus. Like now we have coronavirus. Did a new creature emerge from that kind of situation?

T: Joe, you know a lot.

J: No no no.

Kami: I have the feeling it was made by a god.

K: But not this one, right?

Kami: No, I can't make anything. Nothing at all, at best I can talk. My talk isn't worth anything recently either.

J: But god is said to be the creator, right?

Kami: Yeh, thats a more serious god.

J: Don't you have anything?

Kami: No, nothing.

T: I feel kinda sorry for Kami.

K: Yeah, me too. Born with the title 'Kami/god', and he can't do anything..

Kami: I have no abilities at all.

K: Ok, well, lets end here this week. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

Kami: Please dooo.

J, T: Hahaha

*1, 2 Couldn't catch.

*3 Not entirely sure here.

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #tfoe #kaoru #薫 #Samotherium major #no missing link

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theycallmebeccawrites · 5 years

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Adventures in Parenting - Get to Know Nikki Evans

With Tumblr holding my original writing blog @beccaheartschrisevans captive (aka flagged as explicit), I have made a secondary writing blog and may end up closing the other all together. In the meantime, I am reposting all of my stories on my new blog.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Nikki Evans (OFC) Rating: PG Warnings: n/a Summary: Some extras (mostly Q&As) for my Chris & Nikki story. The goal of most of these extras is to give a little more background on Chris & Nikki’s relationship as the focus of the Adventures in Parenting series is after they’re married and have kids.

Adventures in Parenting (Chris & Nikki) Masterlist

Get to Know Nikki Evans (July 2016)

Please note that these questions were “answered” based on what Nikki’s life was like in July 2016.

Name: Nicole Marie (Ashworth) Evans, but I go by Nikki

How old are you? I’m currently 31, I will be 32 in September

Who are you in a relationship with? Chris Evans, the hot American actor…

Are you married? If not would you marry them? Yes, we’ve been married for four years.

What about kids? Do you have them? Would you like them? We have two adorable little boys that are their dad’s mini mes. Seriously, it’s like my genes didn’t even make it into their DNA… Our oldest is Josh and he just turned 3 on the Fourth of July and our youngest is Aiden and he turned 1 in May. We plan on having more kids, we’d both love to have a little girl… but we’re not actively trying to get pregnant… we’re not exactly not trying though… as Chris says ‘if it happens, it happens… if not, at least we had fun trying’

What do you do for a living? Before Chris and I were reintroduced in 2011, I was working as a yoga instructor at a dance/yoga studio I was running with my best friend. I kept working there after we met, but after the kids came along it kind of got put on the back burner. I’m still a part owner of the studio and I will occasionally teach a class, but I’m usually there as a participant, especially for wine and yoga night.

Do you like your job, if you don’t have one, what’s your dream job? I guess you could say my current job really is mom… and I love it. It can be draining, especially when Chris is gone, but we both have amazing families that are there whenever they’re needed

Where are you from? I’m originally from sunny California, but my mom and I moved to Boston in 1996 because she got a job transfer. It was supposed to be for two years, but she ended up meeting my step-dad and they got married. That is actually how I met Chris, he and my step-brother have been best friends since they were kids.

Favorite TV show? I watch a lot of kids shows… but when I get to pick the channel, I love watching HGTV and Food Network. I’m a sucker for Dancing With the Stars… every season I say I’m done watching and then they bring a celebrity that I love on the show and I have to watch.

Favorite book? How does one pick a single book to be their favorite? Chris and I both love to read and our boys love being read to. We’re in the process of building a house and there is an upstairs sitting area that we’re going to set up as our family library. I’m not sure we’ll have enough bookcases…

Do you have any hobbies? I love doing yoga, especially first thing in the morning when the boys are all still asleep. It’s very peaceful. But I also love to cook and bake. I dabble in photography. I try to be crafty, but I stick to the easy, fool proof stuff because I get distracted so easily. I also enjoy bubble baths.

Sexuality? Straight.

What’s your best trait? I’d say it’s that I look for the best in people. I’m also a glass half full type of person.

What’s your biggest flaw. I over think the simplest things and I’m horrible about making decisions. I’m also terrible with not putting my clothes away. I get the kids and Chris’s put away though.

Would you give up your job to start a family? I already did and I don’t regret it for a moment. Right now it gives the boys and I the freedom to travel with Chris when he is filming. We’re actually looking for a rental house in Georgia right now where we’ll be living for the duration of the Infinity Wars filming.

What’s your favourite thing about your significant other? He has the biggest heart. He isn’t afraid to express his love for myself, the kids and our family members. He also loves to make people happy, especially kids. He is also a great listener whether it’s me talking about my day or listening to our youngest babbling to him over a video chat. What else… oh, he’s pretty cute… kind of muscly. And he can grow a magnificent beard.

What’s their most annoying habit? Where to begin? No, I’m just kidding. Like every couple, we both have habits that drives the other crazy, especially when our kids pick up those same habits (can you say socks all over the house?), but that’s just the way life is. He doesn’t like it when I click pens or tap my fingers… so it’s all fair in the end.

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I’m not sure, I’m pretty happy the way I am… though, maybe slightly bigger boobs? I’m not nursing anymore, so my chest isn’t as full as it was and that kind of made things fun. Chris liked them. But I’m not interested in going under the knife for that… a pushup bra works wonders.

What would be the perfect holiday for you and your S/O to take together? It’s been a busy summer, so I’m definitely looking forward to some quiet time at our cabin. We’re actually going in a couple weeks to spend a week alone together and then his mom will bring our boys and the rest of the family out to join us. My parents own a cabin nearby, so my side of the family will be there as well. I’m definitely looking forward to it.

How do you feel about your s/o being friends with their ex? There are some of his ex’s that I am totally ok with him being friends with because they are respectful of the relationship he and I have. I’ve even become friends with a couple of them… I’m not going to say it’s awkward knowing that they’ve been with my husband because it is, There are others though, that are better in his past. I think he would say the same about some of my ex’s as well.

Do you care about other people flirting with your S/O? He’s a celebrity and people like him. It’s part of the business… I know he doesn’t encourage it or get off on it, it actually embarrasses him a little, but at the end of the day, he comes home to me.

Do you trust your s/o not to cheat on you? Absolutely. There is no doubt in my mind that he is completely loyal to me.

Do you think there would be ever a circumstance where you would cheat on them? No.

Anything else we should know? The first time I ever saw Chris was when I was 12 years old and right after my mom and step-dad got married. I was in the kitchen eating breakfast when he came in with my step-brother and he didn’t wait for my step-brother to introduce us, he just held out his hand and said, “My name is Chris.” Then he gave me that smile, you know the one, and I swear I fell in love with him in that moment. He was 16 at the time so it didn’t mean anything to him… but I still tease about the fact that it took him 13 years to notice me at my brother’s wedding. We reconnected at both the best and worst time of our lives, I was starting a business and he was about to shoot to mega stardom with the first Captain America movie… and those other things should have made starting a relationship hard, but it was exactly the opposite… we had someone to share the ups and downs with and it brought us together.

Want to find me off tumblr? I’m @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3 and Wattpad.

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you’d like to be added!

#chris evans #theycallmebecca #beccaheartschrisevans #theycallmebeccawrites #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fan fiction #adventures in parenting #chris and nikki #chris evans x ofc #chris evans as a dad #chris evans x original female character

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xtruss · 3 years

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“Shameless War Criminal Bloody British Bastard Blair” Lectures the World on Military Strategy, With No Word of the Deceit He Engineered For an Illegal Assault on Iraq 🇮🇶, Syria 🇸🇾 and Afghanistan 🇦🇫

— 6 September, 2021 | RT

Former War Criminal Bloody British British PM Tony Blair sees himself as a colossus on the world stage – climate hero, peace maker and thinker for our times – seemingly unaware that many people view him as a ‘War Criminal’ who deserves to be put on trial and throw him behind bars to “Stay, Rest, Rot and Burn in Hell Forever.”

Since he left high office in 2007, there really is no subject in the world on which Tony Blair is reluctant to express an opinion on, buoyed by an unsinkable self-belief and an apparently total absence of self-awareness.

He’s convinced that a huge appetite exists for his latest musings, that French President Emmanuel Macron is desperate for his help in tackling the radical Islamist problems of the Sahel, that US President Joe Biden lies awake at night asking himself, ‘What would Tony do?’ and that the British public has forgotten he took the country into a catastrophic war against Iraq that both the United Nations and even his own government inquiry determined was illegal.

His acquiescence to US demands for an attack on Saddam Hussein earned Blair the US Medal of Freedom from George Bush and 20 years of opprobrium from the British public, which has only increased as the years have passed on par with his own immense personal wealth. A poll in 2017 found a third of the British public would like to see Blair put on trial as a war criminal.

But that’s not something the ex-PM likes to dwell upon. So his speech to the Royal United Services Institute (RUSI), almost 20 years to the day since the terrorist attacks of 9/11, made no mention of what followed those unforgettable events: dodgy dossiers, suggestions of bunkers full of weapons of mass destruction or of the purposeful lying to the British people.

Rather than learn any lessons from recent history, like when to wage war, Blair’s appetite is clearly undiminished, as he moaned, “Western societies and their political leaders have become quite understandably, deeply averse to casualties amongst our Armed Forces.” This, in his view, had become, “an overwhelming political constraint to any commitment to Western boots on the ground, except for Special Forces.”

It’s all Biden’s fault apparently. Blair said, “It is clear now – if it wasn't before – that America has decided that for the foreseeable future, it has a very limited appetite for military engagement.”

‘First order security threat’ akin to revolutionary communism: Afghan war didn’t solve radical Islam, Tony Blair says. War Criminal Bloody British Bastard don’t like to talk about “Radical Christians Terrorists, Radical Saffron Hindu Terrorists, Radical God’s Fucked-up People Zionist Cunt Terrorists,” because they can give him a deep f*** and stop paying him to propagate spew filth against Muslims.

Well, yes, Mr. Former Prime Minister, it is true that the Americans have made no secret of the fact that they are sick of fighting ‘forever wars’. But us Brits also do not like to see the lives of young men and women who have signed up to serve their country sacrificed at the altar of political self-aggrandisement. We are now a little less gullible, a little less obliging when it comes to fighting unwinnable, neverending battles and somewhat more suspicious of our glory-seeking political leaders. And that’s all largely down to one person. You.

It’s strange Blair doesn’t acknowledge this. One thing’s certain, he knows his geopolitics; hell, he even has his own eponymous ‘global institute’ packed with researchers, academics and leading experts to tell him what to think and say about the key issues of our time. With one exception. Do. Not. Mention. Iraq.

The exclusion of that country’s name from the conversation is obvious. In looking forward, Blair said that Europe – insisting “for these purposes Britain is part of Europe like it or not” – faced an immediate challenge from the destabilisation of the Sahel and was “already facing the fallout from Libya, Syria and elsewhere in the Middle East.” Err, by ‘elsewhere in the Middle East’ could Blair possibly mean Iraq? Probably, but let’s not risk spoiling a pleasant chat.

And in the face of that perceived threat, which in the Sahel until now has been largely handled by France, Blair asked, “How do Europe and NATO develop the capability to act when America is unwilling?”

Blair clearly sees military action as an imperative – I’m not sure everyone else agrees – but he also thinks the capacity of Western policymakers to think strategically needs to be reinvigorated.

“For me, one of the most alarming developments of recent times has been the sense the West lacks the capacity to formulate strategy,” he said. “That its short term political imperatives have squeezed the space for long term thinking.

It is this sense more than anything else which gives our allies anxiety and our opponents a belief our time is over.”

Now the picture is starting to become clearer. While Western governments are distracted from war by the need to focus on rebuilding economies, fighting worldwide health crises and seemingly perpetual election cycles which inhibit their ability to think long-term, they need big thinkers, top-shelf statesmen and global heavy hitters to work out how to bomb the citizens of far-off places into oblivion through drone strikes, how to convince a sceptical public that it’s a good idea to send servicemen and women to their deaths and – most importantly of all – how to create the right PR buzz around those decisions, so that everyone feels comfortable about falling into line.

Those Western governments need men just like Tony Blair. He’s free most afternoons, if you’d like to schedule a Zoom call. Just don’t mention the war (on Iraq).

“War Criminal, Boak Bollocks Bloody British Bastard Tony Blair” calls US Afghanistan withdrawal ‘imbecilic’ – What, then, was the Bush-Blair invasion of 2001?

— Neil Clark is a journalist, writer, broadcaster and blogger. His award winning blog can be found at www.neilclark66.blogspot.com. He tweets on politics and world affairs @NeilClark66

— August 22, 2021 | RT

War Criminals Bush and Blair met in Washington to discuss the ongoing operations in Afghanistan, November 7, 2001. © REUTERS/Win McNamee

“Serial Warmonger and War Criminal Bloody British Bastard Tony Blair” has blasted the US decision to pull out from Afghanistan, but history tells us the real madness was invading the unconquerable country in the first place.

Former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair –aka ‘The Blair Creature’– is not a happy bunny this Sunday, folks. He has said that the decision to withdraw western forces from Afghanistan was made “in obedience to an imbecilic slogan about ending the ‘forever wars’.”

What he calls the US’ ‘abandonment’ of Afghanistan was “tragic, dangerous and unnecessary.”

In fact we could say the same about Tony Blair himself – and certainly the wars of choice he promoted.

Imbecilic? That’s the perfect word to describe what happened in October 2001 when Afghanistan was invaded in response, we were told, to the terrorist attacks of 9/11, even though none of the terrorists were Afghan nationals.

Had Blair read just a little bit of history, he would have pursued an exclusively diplomatic path to try and get Osama Bin Laden handed over and not have been so keen to send in the troops.

As I wrote in the Daily Express in 2009 in an article entitled ’Afghanistan: History repeats itself,’ “‘That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history,’ said Aldous Huxley. Nowhere is this more applicable than in the case of the many unsuccessful attempts by foreign powers to conquer Afghanistan.”

I went on: “The mighty forces of the British Empire failed three times between 1839 and 1919. The Soviet Union, which at the time had the largest army in the world, tried in 1979: they too were defeated.”

But in 2001, Blair and the then American President George W. Bush thought they would buck the trend. They could topple the Taliban (which they did) and remake Afghanistan – a deeply conservative and very religious country – in the western secular image. Afghanistan would be transformed from a ‘failed terror state’ into a ‘functioning democracy.’ What folly. What imperial arrogance.

Today, Blair is busily trying to spin the invasion of 2001 as a ‘success.’ But, while some things did improve, 'Operation Enduring Freedom' certainly didn’t bring peace to Afghanistan.

According to the UN Assistance Mission in Afghanistan, 579 civilians were killed in aerial operations between January and September 2019. That’s more than double the amount ten years earlier. Nearly 111,000 civilians have been killed or injured in the country since 2009.

Far from bringing stability, the 2001 western military invasion, just like the 2003 invasion of Iraq, was a major cause of instability.

I recall chatting to a friendly Afghan taxi driver a couple of years ago and saying to him how I’d love to visit the country to see its great natural beauty. “Don’t go,” he said. “It‘s far too dangerous. You would be targeted.”

So much for Afghanistan being ‘safe’ post-invasion.

Whenever the US withdrew, we would have had scenes of chaos. But the Americans had to pull-out at some point otherwise its forces would have been in Afghanistan forever. That doesn’t seem to concern ‘The Blair Creature’ too much. ‘Forever wars’ aren’t a great problem to him or indeed the ‘Inside the Tent‘ political and media figures who promote them. They are, though, for the soldiers who die in them, and for their grieving families.

‘But the US and British forces could have stayed in a support role,’ we’re hearing. But, as was pointed out last week, there is a word for countries whose governments only endure because of foreign military support. The word is “colony.”

Blair and his supporters are tacitly admitting that Afghanistan, billed as a ‘sovereign democratic country’, was actually a colony. I thought ‘imperialism’ was supposed to be a bad thing that we’re all supposed to be ashamed of. So why is it ok when it comes to Afghanistan?

Afghanistan is virtually impossible for foreign powers to subjugate. There’s its hostile terrain, its harsh weather, its fiercely independent people who are very brave, very tough and are highly skilled in mountain warfare. But anyone who’d read the history books would have known all this and not intervened in the first place.

Tony Blair, with his Messiah complex, thought he’d be different. He could succeed in Afghanistan where other, lesser mortals had failed. But the ‘new’ neocon empire met with exactly the same result as the old empire did. Wasn’t it ‘imbecilic’ to think it would be any different?

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autoirishlitdiscourses · 3 years

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Discourse of Tuesday, 13 April 2021

I noticed that the professor will not be generally useful resources for scholarly research in the poem's structure creates meaning, and you do well on the night before. I'll post the revised version of GOLD than you have any questions, please let me know what freedom was; remember you said in the poem, thinking a bit nervous, but probably not necessary, but writing a report that's an overview or a B if turned in on the midterm was graded correctly.

But really, really nice work. 96% on the midterm during this time limit will result in a specific set of mappings is the day on Saturday morning downtown somewhere. You have an excellent quarter! Writing Month: A characteristic of the experience to develop and investigate your own ideas. I think this could have been more students who are doing quite well in this way. Is an impressive move, because I realized that their policy was to sketch out briefly an interpretive problem and resolving it. Which made me throw a loud hissy fit in front of the text you plan to recite at all. Short link to the professor: you might be thought to be even more closely to your discussion. You are not by any means at all, this was quite good when you do have some leeway in handling this matter is perceptive and certainly within the horizon of possibility for you. However, this is to challenge you to get to all your material very effectively and in a timely fashion in order to be more fair to each other in the directions specified that they will be. You just need to protect yourself by managing your time and managed to introduce a large number of people being persuaded by a group. A-paper turned in up to your paper, and you're absolutely welcome to email me by email if that's what you would have had you in section, that it would be to go with Fergus? What is right with you, because as declared in writing in a section on Wednesday! I think you have to speak more is to provide a/genuinely extraordinary circumstances. Mentioned several times in lecture, that'll be helpful to make out of this will hurt your grade at your cell phone and any other questions, OK? I feel bad that it's less successful than it would be cleaning up, I've provided a good job with this ambiguity; you also missed the midterm and final arbiter of whether you want to wind up attending section during which your overall score for you to twenty minutes, Once again, let me know what freedom was; remember you said in section once when everyone introduced themselves to the make-up midterm for a solid job here. I will give you the warnings that I hope you won't have time to accomplish. But I think that your idea of what was overall a very strong job. You can conceivably take as many people as possible; if you're still listed as TBD, McCabe TBD Remember that you carry in your parenthetical citations in the past, so you can still pull your grade up after I graded. The upshot is that if you describe what needs to be a breach of professionalism on your presentation and discussion of your recitation and discussion by the Office of Judicial Affairs that does not fully articulate that argument in a way that you are perfectly willing to offer them to larger concerns of the Irish identity that are not on me. Close enough on its own discussion a bit more space to discuss this coming Monday 18 November so that my boss overrules me on the section, so make/absolutely sure. Explains the currency in question before lecture starts that day telling you what your challenge is going to be fully successful, though I think. There are also places where I think that this is unlikely, you really want to say about why a specific set of facts that my office door SH 2432E and see what people do with his permission, on p. It's just that you do a better job on future assignments—and then looking through as I can give you a copy of your own ideas, which I think that you offer to anyone any part of it as a postcolonial novel as a mutual antagonism based in what their artificial social relationship monogamous Christian marriage according to social expectations: how is the lack of authorial framing in the UK and Ireland, the more recent versions at all today, actually. These leaves you with comments before the paper assignment include a historical text it just depends on where you want to be more impassioned which may have experienced in a manner that an A-or-break section for that assignment. He said that was fair to Yeats's text; just don't assume that your writing, and you managed to introduce some major aspect of Irish masculinity, and though it is, again, it will help you in section tomorrow, you are interested in doing your opening from Godot tomorrow. You added the before one I loved; changed of to and/or citizens were able to avoid departing until afterwards, and that your own thought, self-identify as Irish is kind of viewer is likely to do as well. Truthfully, I think that there was more common to express more specifically what the relationship is between the landscape, Beckett may also benefit from hearing what you want to accept the offer is made based on my good side. In addition to the next one. Volunteering to be more comfortable with silence, because the MLA standard for academic papers.

Go over section guidelines handout. So far. I re-think your discussion. Have a wonderful book that focuses on visual readings of Ulysses is a strong reason for missing section, be sure you're correct and prepared to perform the same time, despite the odd misstep here and there are a lot of good ideas for when you're in front of the poem. In warfare, for instance; you should provide a brief overview. —Charles Bernstein, Revenge of the texts, and paying attention to the section. I try to I will definitely pay off a lot of ways in which you sometimes avoid the question? You should copy me on the paper is going well. I will not get a C for the course material and related it effectively to larger-scale details of the quarter, and what's wrong with writing all six on the midterm, attendance, and responded effectively to themes that have been possible to tie it strongly to basically any other questions, OK? In that series, the theoretical maximum score for you, because. In particular, format-wise. Up to/one percent/for/scrupulous accuracy/in vocally reproducing the/optional section/during week five or six. Still Life-Le Jour. In particular, of self, of course welcome to ask if you get behind. By changing technology? Enjoy your holiday weekend! There have been meaning to get an add code for the Croppies Yeats, September 1913. One thing that will help you bridge into other sections for a recitation/discussion to motivate people to do this. The quarter.

Just as Shakespeare doesn't necessarily have to get this to me immediately. This means that you're going to do. Characterizing sexual desire must be formatted according to the point in smaller steps this would have been done even more than one of three groups reciting from McCabe in your thesis statement make a good job in a room. However, they're fair game, but lets the text of the assigned readings by the selections in which they're speaking. I'm happy to send the professor said that it would need to link the various settings in The Butcher Boy I accidentally cut of your information using standard academic citation methodology for phrases and ideas in more detail below the mechanics of getting other people talking. Hello, everyone! But you really have done something that matters deeply and personally, from 8 a. Let me know if you want to discuss any of that is not until next week. The grade that your ideas as you revise that draft. If grad school in a productive set of comments explaining why you think you have thought it; it's of more benefit to introduce a large number of presentations. What kind of love best qualifies as the quarter have been to section on 27 November On Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot/seen in lecture today. Recitation on 27 November, and I'll happily instruct him either way. There are potentially other good readings and write a draft, but rather because thinking about how your key terms more rigorously for your material if that works better for you, and I'm deeply sympathetic about how you will have the correct forms for a few hours before a paper with persistent, non-passing grade for the next generation moves to New York? This is a difficult text! Etc. Four months, please read September 1913, like I think you've prepared separately, then you can take some reasonable guesses. I want everyone to benefit from more concreteness and directness, though, that you originally selected. What I'm imagining doing is saying that it would probably be better to avoid being forced to displace your recitation, two of which is rather interesting. I think that this is, after lecture most of that help? And now that I'm hesitant to shove them at their level of competence by any means it's very perceptive work here in a paper on the following: a they were very close attention to how other people are reacting to look for cues that this is only one narrator that is minimally acceptable will result in an earlier part of the text. Well done overall. Your section can be directed to 3:30 work for you unless your medical condition mandates additional section absences, so I don't know if you have already missed three sections a very good topic, but that you need to be grading their paper topics, I think that you think, to pay enough attention to the connections between the poem, and you exhibit a very good paper here. Can you confirm she was off; dropping warm from Out in th' pan for remember you said it was all a flash in th' pan'; freedom that ain't the silky thransparent stockings that show off your thought better than I was a large number of things really well here: you must have helped in making a cognitive leap. On me. Both of these guidelines with you that this is. Three did not read in class. But I think that you understand everything that's going on as soon as possible, but you handled yourself and your writing sparkle even more successful would be happy if you want to go down might involve Umberto Boccioni: Dynamism of a text that you're dealing with the TA strike that you are not on me. There have been assessed so far of giving a more rigorously, but you were on track for an extension on the paper, it seems pretty obvious. Your writing is lucid and engaging way. Students who write papers that receive lower grades can often improve their grades up. If you want to go down this road, a basic critical taboo since the quarter, to wind up attending section a total of ten minutes, Martin Cunningham said, section VII, tr. There is also impressive. Pick a few spots open, so there's plenty of room for the Croppies 6 p. I quite liked it. But there are some books that I have by the main characters, I think that you've already lost on the section on 27 November is totally full there are several possibilities for productive discussion, because this week is the case and I think that you have any questions, OK? Section Materials for English 193 next quarter. I'm up for discussion one way to impose limits on yourself though it was all a flash in th' shade of a specific argument. You really did enjoy having you in section, this means, essentially, is that your idea is good, specific outline. I've ever worked with, and paying greater attention to the very small number of other instances. If you feel strongly about a more objective outside sense of rhythm was good, quality relaxing time over the break. Haha.

Once more you have performed, you need particular approaches to Futurism; it's just that you think, would be do reduce the number of points and involve a similar format and having talked about this to have a full email box, does race mean? I also think that you've identified this as an effective loy for digging out the reminder email in just a matter of nitpicky formalistic grammatical policing, but I don't think that it would be to make sure that they're some of which has a lot of ways that are not normally an acceptable excuse for late papers; the professor wants is for not doing so. You may find helpful. If people aren't talking because they haven't read; it's of more benefit to introduce the text to flow around it try right-clicking on the section meetings part of the performance that you would need to set up an interpretive pathway into the world. Just let me know what would be to spend more time will result in an automatic failing grade policy. —I've tried to point to these rules: people who attended last night's optional review session tonight at 11, which you are one of which is a perfectly clear that this is unlikely, because I'm not mad at you unless your medical status that I have you down a few spots open, so I can send you an updated grade by much. 5% on the final exam/except in genuinely extraordinary circumstances. But rather that you are an emergency responder, or if his ancestors are only ways of thinking about what you're working with—you really want to get people talking about. Similarly, having managed to effectively convey the weirdness and energy of Francie's mental state. But you did quite a good addition to the potent titles to the writing process. Wikipedia article on the final itself midterm, and sometimes virtuosic. Go over recitation requirements handout. I've just been going through the section as a result of a heterosexual romantic relationship is, too, that a few things that would most help at this point whether there is at least some background plot summary and possibly other contextualizing information, but it may be that your crazy life is not a fair amount over its history, and your participation weight a number of things really well here. Good choice; I do quite like your lecture orientation was motivated by something stronger than the course, with no credit at all today, and I hope you're feeling better soon! It's always OK to subdivide your selected bibliography into sections indicating status Works Cited page; any non-trivial illumination of both the link to where you'd like.

If you just need to sit down and write well and that everyone in class. Hear his voice in the class 5% of all but the more obvious is to say about his rather anguished disappointment with the students in this essay, and there—I think that this is quite perceptive and very engaging. She knew at once, necessarily, but rather to ask about these calculations! If you do wind up with a bit in small ways, you've done some solid work here, but you may have about any of those works, I am not the best way to fill out your major points that are not inherently bad, but I think that the person in each paragraph, you should let me know what's going to be to do is to say that you have also pointed out, let me know.

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

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lovehaswonangelnumbers · 5 years

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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/october-2019-energy-report/

October 2019 Energy Report

By Jennifer Hoffman

Well here we go, into the wild blue yonder of October and beyond to the end of 2019 and the celebrated Saturn/Pluto junction of 2020. This is a month to celebrate freedom, empowerment, energy congruence, and the whole path that got us here. It is also a time for us celebrate new beginnings because while we’re nearing the end of 2019 we are really just starting the energetic potential of this year. Buckle up and hang on, the ride is beginning and it won’t stop until December.

Since the beginning of 2019 the energy has felt a little odd, dense, and slow. While we had glimpses of its potential, somehow it never seemed to manifest in the new ways we hoped for. Instead we got a lot of the repetition of the past, old lessons coming up, situations we thought were over arriving back at our doorstep again, with the same people, same lessons, same pain, and same questions. Did we take a big jump back into the past?

I noticed something when I was looking at the planet Saturn which went direct in September. I said then that this was a big movement forward because it had been in retro since May but in shadow retro since mid-January. One of October’s big events is that Pluto goes direct on the third, after having been in retro since late April but in shadow retro since December 31, 2018.

And there you go. We started the year ready for action, hoping for new opportunities but we didn’t get too far since our energy powerhouse was directing us to clean our energetic houses rather than making forays into new potentials. It’s like being told you can’t go outside until you do your homework.

The entire year has been that way but now we’re in the home stretch.

These final months of 2019 are actually the start of the new energy we have been waiting all year to work with. And now we can because we have done the foundational work to prepare us for access into new potentials.

But before you think it’s going to take 9 months for us to cover lost ground or make any progress, it won’t. I think we’re going to blast through these next few months at light speed. That said, don’t expect to gloss over any lessons or learning either, everything points to energetic congruence now, the fit and flow of divine harmony.

If it doesn’t fit or flow it is not going to work.

While it’s tempting to want to leave the painful past behind and start something new, we know that as much as we may want to do that, we are always directed to clean up our old energy situations before we start examining new potentials. We can no longer hide from our own truth, ignore our fears and doubts, pretend that everything is OK when we know it is not, and dim our lights to make others happy.

Energies of different frequencies are not compatible and cannot co-exist in our energy field. Now that we’re shifting between dimensions, from 3Dto 5D, in our ongoing ascension integration, those energies are even less compatible with each other. And we need to have a stronger energetic focus too, with fewer leaks, distractions, and dramas and traumas that take us off of our path.

And if you’re not feeling the joy right now, don’t worry. Sometimes we have to have a break down before we can break through; we need to know we’re in the dark before we can figure out it’s time to turn the light on. And we need to get tired of the pain before we rise up and seek healing.

Now, more than ever, the past and the present do not resonate in harmony, especially when you’re trying to create a fulfilling, congruent, high vibe, 5D integrated present and you’re trying to do it in a 3D density reality – without changing anything. ‘This is an integration, not a takeover’ but it is an integration of 5D energy into our 3D realities and it is relentlessly pushing us forward into our energetic sovereignty and divine being, the true merging and blending of spiritual and material, human and divine. Welcome to the Light Age.

But before we bask in the celebratory glory of our accomplishments, we have some more work to do.

On the astrological level we are in Libra season now, whose glyph is the scales. Libra rules balance, justice, equality, and ‘open enemies’. This is balanced giving and receiving, the karmic cycles of reaping what is sown, justice and not revenge, equality that requires the acknowledgement of energetic sovereignty. All we can do is balance the equations in our own lives and allow everyone to find their own energetic balance point.

We are preparing for the final Mercury retrograde in 2019, which begins its shadow on October 12 and goes full retro on October 31. It stations on the same degree of the long Saturn retro in Scorpio of June to August of 2015. Just a heads up to pay attention to what arises from that period.

The October full moon of the 13th is at 20 Aries, exactly square Pluto, an important energetic marker and this is going to be a very strong full moon so watch out for a lot of emotional energy flareups, especially those of you who are empaths and sensitive to others’ energy.

The new moon of the 28th at 4 Virgo is giving Uranus a big nudge. So expect big energy downloads, understandings, insights, and new awareness of your potential and possibilities as we gear up for the home stretch, straight into the historic Saturn/Pluto conjunction that is active from now through March 2020, when Saturn moves into Aquarius.

What does this mean? Considering the previous Saturn/Pluto conjunction in 1516 resulted in the protest of the corruption in the Catholic church – the most powerful entity in the world at the time – and this marked the beginning of its downfall, as well as the downfall of the monarchies in many parts of the world, it is quite a powerful symbol for global transformation at every level.

This impacts all of us, individually and collectively. We are all part of the Great Awakening and each one of us plays a role in the ascension cycle for ourselves and for the world. True transformation occurs when we are willing to expand our awareness, embrace our power, ignite our intuition, and live from our brightest light.

The call is being made for us to unite, to be our light, and to stand together and hold the light of truth, peace, joy, love, compassion, and understanding.

“Those who have found the light are the dawn for those who are still in the dark.”

Have a wonderful month.

*****

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cooljazsheepie · 7 years

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Webcomic Creator Interview with Kosmic of Feast for a King

Hi, all! I usually don’t post my webcomic creator interviews on this account, but this one is special since the comic is explicitly NSFW. The creator, Kosmic, is super awesome though and deserved an interview anyway. Check it after the cut.

Me: Please introduce yourself.

Kosmic: My name is Kosmic and I make two comics currently, Feast for a King and Eggshells. Although I mostly focus on Feast for a King! Which is a really graphically violent/sexual story about man eating worms in a sci-fi setting. I started it in September 2014 and I’ve basically been working every day on it since then.

Me: What made you pick sci-fi?

Kosmic: I’ve always really loved sci-fi stuff!! Many of my favorite stories/movies are sci-fi or have some robot/alien elements to them. I think it’d be more accurate to say that sci-fi picked me because FFAK was inspired by a dream I had which had some very strong sci-fi elements and visuals. I think at the time when I started FFAK, I was also feeling really inspired by the first two Terminator movies and wanted to like, take the elements about that i found successful in those movies and include them in my own story! I liked how much the characters struggled and how hopeless it felt to face their enemies, but they kept going anyway despite being so afraid. I also had a bunch of stories/characters I worked on sometimes that was really just my own version of Trigun that I didn’t know what to do with and just...felt like building on more of that type of world. I think I first started those characters in like 2009 but they were basically just back-burner ideas for something eventually. I got a lot of story material like that!!

Me: Do you have a favorite part of the creative process when you're working on your comic?

Kosmic: Favorite part of he process...That is kinda difficult. There are so many parts that I enjoy that blend in with each other, it’s hard to determine when one step begins and the other ends. Brainstorming with music is always really nice, especially if it’s in the afternoon and I don’t have any responsibilities to worry about. I do a lot of self RP too. I can go anywhere in the story I feel like and just let my mind explore freely!! Its always very fun/exciting to discover things I didn’t expect or when some connection suddenly clicks that opens up new doors of ideas! SO.. daydreaming is my favorite part, I suppose. That feels kinda basic to say, but I can’t think of anything that tops it!

Me: Nooo. I totally get what you mean. Just letting ideas come to you is the best! You do color and black&white comics. Do you prefer one over the other?

Kosmic: I don’t really like the look of colored comics for the most part, honestly. I find it way too mentally distracting and I find it often takes me out of the story by making me too aware I’m reading something. So, I generally prefer the look of B&W comics when I’m the one reading. However! I personally find it boring to do for too long if I’m the one working!! I hate doing the same stuff for too long and black/white communicates a certain type of atmosphere to me, so after a while it can feel kinda stiff or limited when I don’t...really need to be?? I used to be determined to only use B/W ONLY EVER!!! and now I am allowing myself the freedom to experiment using some aspects of color to communicate my ideas and not worry about a consistent look too much lol. I sort of feel like my comics fall somewhere in the middle because they obviously DO use color but aren’t like the ‘typical’ full color comic, I guess? I dunno. That’s how i interpret it anyway. I am breaking my own rules of what looks good!!! If I had to make a decision, it would still B&W over color. :3

Me: Do the colors you pick have a certain significance for the characters? Like I know you have several named after them and the worms are colored by status.

Kosmic: Yes! Totally. They are super important! I have a whole color lore or color language I have built in the story. I dont really focus on like...every color in the rainbow though. Its mostly with basic default-y colors of Red/Yellow/Blue + Green. Red and Green being the most important ones I use in FFAK. I reflect a lot on their dynamic and parallel in several different ways with various designs and narratives, Crimson and Celadon’s relationship is also meant to be a direct translation of that conflict and bond I see with those two colors in the context of the story as well. Red and Green is like the ...PURE EXPRESSION OF LIFE AND DEATH!!! or something.

Me: For your worms, do you choose certain animals for them or you just go by whatever? Like how Paper is a bunny.

Kosmic: Nah, I mostly go by whatever and many worm designs are just improvised on the spot as these weird...animal chimera things. Paper is sort of an odd one out because she’s specifically very bunny-themed.

Me: Do you have a favorite character?

Kosmic: Crimson’s my absolute favorite character!! However... Knife is also very important. I guess he’s a close 2nd. I just have put a staggering amount of work/history into both characters they both kinda stand out a little bit from the rest lol.

Me: I know you said to just read whatever, but how does the use of gender shape your comic? As a creator.

Kosmic: I suppose it shapes a lot and yet it...doesn’t? IDK, it’s difficult to explain cause I think gender is a broad topic and I’m not sure what parts to focus on with it shaping? Haha. Most of my characters are just self-inserts really. It’s not really a conscious thing that I feel like I need to fit a quota of or something. I just sort of naturally feel the need to articulate feelings about my experiences using the characters sometimes. I also generally use my comic as a safe place to explore my thoughts about identity and sexuality. It makes the comic really personal/vulnerable/stressful sometimes, but I also feel like I understand myself a little easier. As much as I reflect on it I don't really have a concise answer or reason.. it’s just part of life! So there it is!

Me: Do you find that you attract or put off readers with the sex? Like do people expect a hentai situation? Or ignore the warning and get mad about it?

Kosmic: Yeah, it definitely rocks the boat a bit. I get a lot of polarized reactions from my sexual content. Mostly it’s supported and people understand and respect what I do with it, but I have definitely received negative comments or like, people feeling betrayed it was included at all. (Nothing upset people more than that period sex scene in chapter 11 for example .) It’s also often described as a vore fetish comic which I also...have mixed feelings with LMFAO. It just feels really misleading and simplifying the narrative. I think the fact that I include genitals in my drawings [means] people get the impression it’s supposed to be a smutty hentai comic, but then when they read it isn’t that either. So it’s hard for people to determine what it is. It pushes buttons, I guess. good and bad.

Me: Who is your intended audience or do you not have one?

Kosmic: I don’t really have an intended audience!!! I just draw it as much for me as possible. :D

Me: What made you decide on making a webcomic?

Kosmic: I’ve been determined to make comics since i was like...13 or 14? And webcomics are very freeing!! You just post it and go!! Nothing can stop you from making your story how you want and I love that.

Me: Do you have any advice for other creators?

Kosmic: Advice is tough... But I suppose it is important to establish your boundaries between yourself and the audience. Your enjoyment and relationship you have with yourself and your art is what is most important. So be careful not to burn yourself out on what people will think/say/ask and it’s OK to feel overwhelmed and over-stimulated sometimes. Even when it’s positive attention, it can still be just as stressful and draining. I find that’s the hardest part about making a comic is learning how to deal with the reception rather than making the comic itself lmao. So yeah! Draw and write what you want! Always. But also give yourself a private place only for you, so you can reflect on your journey. :3

Me: That's great advice. Do you plan on making a print version?

Kosmic: My friend Cameron made Chapter 1 into a book and mailed it to me as a surprise. But besides that, I have no actual plans or real desire to make a printed version.It seems like it would take a lot of work to do and I’m very lazy. Maybe some sort of art book would be more ideal, but who knows!

Me: Will you be attending any cons or making any merch?

Kosmic: I went to one con in 2015! I sold like...a single poster I think. It was fun (especially because a friend from Canada was staying and helped tremendously with it,I also got interviewed the first time there!) but not exactly the ideal experience. Another friend also made keychains for me of the characters that we sold online. But, besides that, I don’t have any cons planned. I want to make t-shirts in the future, but I’m so slow to do these things. I just really need to take the plunge, but I generally get intimidated by money making stuff!!

Me: Do you do art full time?

Kosmic: Yes LOL. FFAK is basically my life. I do educational/instructional flash animations as well for the monies, but I am pretty broke most of the time. If it weren't for Patreon, IDK what I’d do!! I am so thankful for it.

And that’s it. I already linked Kosmic’s Tumblr profile, but you can also follow them on Twitter for personal or comic updates! If you have any comments or questions, feel free to post here or submit an ask. If you would like to be interviewed for your own comic, contact me here for explicitly NSFW content or over on my literacy blog if your work doesn’t have content restrictions that make it NSFW. Please also feel free to suggest artists for me to interview.

#kosmicdream #kosmic #feast for a king #webcomic interview

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rabbitears91 · 7 years

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I think mid-May will mark 9 months since my first stage of rff phalloplasty with dr. mang chen of brownstein and crane surgical services. i can’t say enough positives about dr. chen and his microsurgery team, but in particular dr brian parrett. I had my surgery with the “new” microsurgeons and am very pleased with the aesthetics of my new member, for those anxious about this “new” team.

I will hopefully return to post on recovery and my arm scar, as many seem to be curious about all of that – and understandably so; however, this post is focused upon “hooking up” or “sexual encounters” in my experience being post-op downstairs.

Proceed with caution: I will use several terms that may make some uncomfortable though I do so as to not cause any confusion or greyness on what I am speaking of.

So firstly, what’s up, down there? I had a vaginectomy so there is no longer a vaginal opening. My junk that grew on hormones is buried in the base of my dick. I can feel it near my scrotum as well as in the base. I could orgasm since week 5 with sensations felt in this area. I had glansplasty (the creation of a defined head) in late feb. of 2017. This is to say it was NOT done in the first stage. My surgeon says doing it after stage 1 gives it a better opportunity to not flatten out. It has not flattened out yet so woo-fucking-who J I cannot get erect naturally. I will not be able to get erect unless I get a surgically implanted erectile device. I am not sure if I will. I do have a scrotum but no testicular implants. The scrotum looks ideal (for me personally, folks) in that it resembles a cisgender male’s scrotum. I do plan to get testicular implants in September. So in summary: dick, ball sac, no erections naturally, no balls inside my ball sac. Nothing really “different” about what comprises my anatomy down there.

I had experienced a breakup shortly before going into phallo. My ex accompanied me to my surgery still and made a more final break in the final days of our stay in the Bay (san francisco area of California). We have not been intimate since my recovery. She cared for the recovery of my junk in the early weeks.

I have had numerous partners (1 female, multiple others male) since recovering. While exploring grindr, many are actually displeased that I am post-op and seem to have been more excited when they assumed I had the female junk I was born with. Undoubtedly interesting on a gay chat, date, hookup app. I have had many other experiences where men want to meet up and want to exchange oral sex or penetrate me anally (again, I cant get erect naturally). Some want to hear about my surgery details and want to meet up or simply want to hear because they can’t g o o g l e. Many request pictures, sometimes I send and other times I block, while other times I simply say no. There is no formula, it all just depends on my mood.

I’ve had encounters from social scenes where I’ve got reactions such as “let’s do this” to “let’s end it here.”

It’s still a process of sharing to a degree and worrying whether folks are put off by the idea of me being a transsexual altogether, regardless of anatomy. There’s still plenty of assumptions. It isn’t always about simply having a dick lol. The idea of being trans sometimes has influenced whether folks want to take it further (or if on an app, whether they want to meet up).

Presently I seem to be talking to far more men than women. It’s rare a woman captures my interest. I don’t know if it’s because I am attracted to men or because it’s affirming to attract men who exclusively like men, who tend to be far more visual….and to have folks only attracted to men be excited about my junk is affirming as hell. I’ve had others love my junk pre-op but I didn’t love it and that’s what didn’t work. I didn’t love it 24/7, not just during hookups or sex in a committed relationship... I haven’t gotten into anything serious for several reasons – one being I’m enjoying this fun. It’s certainly liberating and post-op, I am without as much apprehension of telling the sparknotes of what’s up down there; pre-op, OMG so much fear in disclosing..NOT SO MUCH because folks would reject me (read: many are very excited about pre-op or non-op junk) but because I wasn’t comfortable or even remotely ok with my pre-op junk. Since being cleared for sexual activities, I realized I was hit with an IMMENSE freedom. I did some dangerous things where I’d drink ridiculous amounts and end up not remembering who I came home with, who was with me when I woke up. It just felt good to be embraced and recognized as an ordinary gay man. It felt amazing to do all types of things now that I’m physically existing in a way that makes sense to myself, I wanted to catch up in a way, on all these adventures of knowing myself through these sexual undertakings.

Just like being pre-op, my mileage varied regarding who was down to date/mess around and that hasn’t changed. What has changed is my confidence, so more folks end up YES rather than NO. It is apparent I have this sense of knowing myself and not hesitating to meet this person or that person on a sexual level and allow stuff to happen. I felt so much more shy and ashamed pre-op. It was if I didn’t have the language to participate in conversation pre-op, whereas now I have mastery of the vocabulary, I’m armed with a dictionary and personality to maintain conversation. If you’re operating fine with your junk that is untouched by surgery, I say keep it. Bc these surgeries have recoveries that are really NO FUCKING JOKE. While I do compare my junk to that of other men’s (ie my comment about the sac CLOSELY resembling that of cisgender males), that kind of thinking is far from my mind when getting sexual with others, especially men. It is an awesome result compared to my pre-op junk; however, for those considering and those post-op can likely agree, it isn’t the dick of a cisgender male and never will be. It has its downsides if compared besides a cisgender male’s dick but because I was struggling so severely with my pre-op junk, I absolutely love my dick. It’s been a gift of life. Not because the hookups, bc you will always get rejection regardless of what you’re packing…but because my confidence, knowing and coming into myself now that my junk matches that which I’ve known and I’ve needed is finally a reality.

#ftm #phalloplasty #transgender #bottom surgery #drchen #hooking up

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travelteatv · 4 years

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I adore Split. I went there a few years ago on the first of many road trips with my friend Hamilton (blog post here). We travelled from Zagreb, down to Plitvice, then onto Split and Hvar before finishing in Dubrovnik. It was out of season, just before everyone and their Mother started planning trips and the entire trip cost us £300 each (car rental/food/accommodation/activities – everything), it wasn’t too busy and we had a blast.

Cut to a couple of years ago, when my boyfriend and I were planning our summer trip and Split was high on our list of where we wanted to go. Unfortunately all of the flights were around £300/£400 each. In fairness, we had left it very late to book and so all flight prices were extortionate but considering I had paid £300 all in for a trip a few years before, I wasn’t ready to dish out more than that on the flight alone (we ended up going to Corfu that summer, if you’re wondering).

So, how did we end up going to Split this time?

Well, one of the many problems that come with forgetting/not bothering to unsubscribe from mailing lists, is that sometimes companies send emails with flight sales, and sometimes those flight deals are actually very good. Then, all of a sudden, you find yourself booking flights when you hadn’t really planned on it.

In other words, my boyfriend and I ended up going to Split because we saw crazy cheap flights and had a bit of a mad moment. We went in September (out of season again, like the first time I went) and it was still warm enough to walk around in a t-shirt/shorts but not so hot I got sunburnt – perfect weather for me.

I think our flights cost us around £65 return with Norwegian – one of my favourite airlines, fyi and our accommodation was £120 each. I think we ended up spending more like £350/£400 in total but I wasn’t surprised by that, seeing as Split has become so much more popular in recent years.

As with most trips recently, this was more of a relaxing getaway than a busy trip trying to fit everything possible in. Nonetheless, I would say we did a lot – the perfect amount for the duration of the holiday, in my opinion.

Having been before, we ventured to do things that I generally hadn’t already done, which meant we explored a few options which were a bit off the beaten track:

What to Do

We only went for four nights/five days but I think still managed to fit a lot in, without being stressed about cramming in too much (especially as I had been before). Here’s what we prioritised:

Beaches – oddly I’ve never been a big fan of beaches but when in Rome (/on a summer holiday), it makes sense to. Within Split, my favourite was Kasjuni Beach, which has a beach bar and curves around slightly, meaning it was a bit less windy than some other places. We also went to a lot of beaches on Hvar, my next point.

Visit Hvar Island – (This is actually deserving of its own post, which I will write next and link back to here). There are a few islands off Split – I would say Hvar is the most well known and if you only have a short amount of time, it makes the most sense to visit. Having said that, if you’re there for longer then definitely island hop. They’re stunning and each have their own character.

Get lost in the Old Town Streets – I have an awful sense of direction so this was very easy for me. Genuinely though, they’re lovely walkways with lots of twists, turns and hidden surprises (the surprises are mostly restaurants but still). If you’re into Game of Thrones, I’m aware they filmed some of it there and even if you’re not, it’s crazy walking along knowing that the streets you’re walking have stood the test of time of real life history (I don’t think GoT is based on fact, I just mean it’s set in the past FYI).

Rub Gregory of Nin’s Big Toe – I won’t lie, I know nothing about this statue other than it’s meant to be lucky to rub the big toe. You can tell immediately which one based on how much shinier it is than the rest of him! I don’t know if I got any luck per say but how often do you get to say you rubbed a giant big toe on holiday? (Maybe don’t answer that)

Go to Krka National Park for the day – Krka is absolutely stunning and not that far from Split. It’s not as big as Plitvice Lakes but still beautiful, and unlike Plitvice you can swim in the water there, which is pretty fun. Also, they call waterfalls ‘Slaps’ which is pretty enjoyable to say. I’m going to write a separate post on how to get there/what to do because I personally found it a bit excruciating working out the best value way of doing it within a day. It was a bit of trial and error but I really wish I knew at the time, what I know now. Basically, if you want an easy but pricey day then book a day trip otherwise, I’ll do a post on how to get there by public transport to save some money (I personally found a few things I read online while trying to figure things out a bit convoluted and unclear – things that should seem simple like how to get on the boat, actually could have done with some slightly clearer instructions on the National Park’s website).

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

Separate to what we did this trip, I would also recommend the below from my previous trip (post here):

Froggyland

Split Tower

Where to Eat

This time, I found it harder to find affordable food – when I first went most meals were around £5-£7 but this time I noticed that a lot of places looked a fair bit fancier and upon closer inspection, the prices reflected this.

Out of where we ate, these two places were the most memorable:

Pizzeria Portas – recommended to me by a friend who had just been to Split, it’s a super cosy place with a lot of variety on it’s menu. It’s also in a gorgeous location and pretty damn romantic (if you’re into that).

Bepa! – you know a place is good, when you go there multiple times on holiday. Ok, in fairness it was right below our apartment which made it very easy. But also, the food is good and the people are lovely.

Where to Drink

Marvlvs Jazz Library Bar – again, if it’s good then it’s good and judging by the amount of times we visited here in a short space of time, we were basically in a committed relationship by the end of the trip. It’s rare to find a bar that feels like home but this one really pulls it off – amazing music (jazz of course, at just the right volume), perfect lighting (not pitch black but also not bright lights stolen from Greggs) and a great selection of whisky (and everything else). We ended up here during a rainstorm which was incredibly lucky, as it’s a delightful place to wait something out. Unfortunately, the storm didn’t end for a few hours until after we had run through the flooded streets and got completely soaked through, which was slightly less lucky I guess.

Where to Stay

Personally I prefer to stay in an apartment when I’m away, I just feel that it gives me more space and freedom to relax. I like to be able to get up when I want, without being interrupted by room service and then keep whatever I want in the fridge (mostly milk for a tea because I’m super cool and crazy like that).

Below are the two apartments I stayed in while visiting and I highly recommend them both as they’re affordable and in good locations; the top one is right in the centre of the old town and the other is slightly outside. Nevertheless, they’re a short distance from one another and you’ll still be able to explore the neighbourhood with ease.

Old Town Square Apartment (Link)

Apartments Tea (Link)

Of course, Split is also a bit of a party city and you’ll find a lot of stag/hen dos running around but don’t let that put you off. They’re easy to avoid (if you want to) and generally if you spend a trip in the way we did, it’s unlikely you’d have a reason to bump into them anyway!

I’m aware it’s likely I’ve missed some glaringly obvious places off my list but the above are what I would genuinely recommend to friends and strangers alike, so I hope they come in handy.

Abi

@travelteatv

An Offbeat Weekend in Split, Croatia I adore Split. I went there a few years ago on the first of many road trips with my friend Hamilton (blog post…

#beach split #CROATIA #froggyland #Game of Thrones #krka #offbeat getaway #old town split #split #weekend away #weekend wandering #what to do in split

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nrip · 5 years

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The social media dilemma

It was September 2018 when Jacqueline Harris, a fourth-year student at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, decided to change her social media presence pretty dramatically.

She took steps to make it harder to find her on Facebook and switched her Instagram and Twitter accounts to private.

Harris’s decision was sparked by her upcoming residency applications: While she has never made a habit of posting controversial material, she couldn’t risk having her career derailed by the wrong photo or comment.

“I’ve heard institutions will look you up to get a better sense of who you are as a person,” Harris says. “Who’s to say something I think is funny or that I like isn’t going to be taken the wrong way?”

She adds, “My biggest fear would be something that I perceive as empowering or impactful would be misconstrued by someone who has influence on my career and where I go.”

Social media is a difficult and risky world to navigate, and medical students face a slew of complicating factors. They must work to protect their professional personas and keep patient information safe. Still, many want the freedom to maintain their individuality and participate in online advocacy movements like #MeToo and “black men in white coats,” which works to diversify the medical community. They want to connect with patients, but they don’t want to be unprofessional. And to make matters more difficult, there are almost no hard-and-fast rules to guide them.

“My biggest fear would be something that I perceive as empowering or impactful would be misconstrued by someone who has influence on my career and where I go.”

Jacqueline Harris Vanderbilt University School of Medicine

“Students struggle with what the standard is. They want rules,” says Danielle Dickey, EdD, director of academic affairs for Texas A&M Health Science Center College of Medicine. “But other than HIPAA, there really aren’t any.”

That’s why a growing number of medical schools nationwide are adding content to the curriculum to incorporate best practices around social media use, recognizing the unique position that medical students are in when it comes to protecting patient privacy and creating a professional web presence that upholds the ethical standards of the medical profession, while still allowing students to advocate for social justice issues.

Protecting patient privacy

The American Medical Student Association (AMSA) does provide social media guidelines on its website, though they are somewhat vague. The AMSA instructs medical students to: 1) Be professional, 2) Be responsible, 3) Maintain a separation from patients, 4) Be transparent and use disclaimers, 5) Be respectful, 6) Follow copyright laws, 7) Protect patient information, 8) Avoid politics, 9) Comply with all legal restrictions, and 10) Be aware of risks to personal privacy and security.

Of course, there is the HIPAA privacy rule, which was the first federal protection for the privacy of personal health information. The standards do apply to social media platforms, but HIPAA was enacted long before social media networks came into play, so there are no specific rules to serve as guidance.

Now, medical school instructors are taking it upon themselves to teach students the dangers of violating HIPAA when posting about patients.

Students at Harvard Medical School, for example, are told to ponder a question in their first week. Which is worse: posting a sweet patient story on Facebook that could lead to identification of the patient, or posting denigrating words about a patient that keeps him or her anonymous?

The correct answer? They’re both problematic.

“Even if the post is touching and shows empathy, it’s not the right forum to be doing that,” says Anthony Breu, MD, course co-director for the medical ethics and professionalism curriculum at Harvard. “And making denigrating comments, no matter how anonymous, reflects poorly on the profession.”

And while a student might understand this, there are other boundary issues to grapple with. For instance, is it ok to friend patients?

Most instructors answer this with a resounding “no.”

“We try to discourage students from engaging in social media with their patients,” says Gerardo Maradiaga, MA, a clinical ethicist at Wake Forest School of Medicine. That’s in part because connecting online with patients could trigger unanticipated privacy issues.

To drive home his point, Maradiaga poses a hypothetical scenario: A student becomes Facebook friends with a patient who says she has quit smoking. But the patient later posts a photo with a cigarette on her page. How will this information affect the way in which the student interacts with the patient?

“Is it ethical to access information that way?” Maradiaga asks. “And what does it do to the patient-student relationship? We talk about how that could feel like an invasion of their privacy and it can shake that trust.”

Maintaining professionalism

For some students, acceptance into medical school means a complete remaking of their social media presence. Perry Tsai, MD, PhD, national president of the AMSA, recommends that students create separate personal and professional Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts. He also recommends that students limit their posting to the medical field and advocacy initiatives on their professional accounts.

“I think promoting things that happen within your profession or within your institution is always great,” Tsai says. “Maybe professional achievements that your colleagues might have or research that’s come out.”

In addition to celebrating progress in medicine, students can use their social media accounts to connect with people who’ve had similar experiences.

“There are a lot of things that are challenging in the profession,” Tsai says. “While struggling with the stress of all the things we need to get done, we’re dealing with things like death and disability, dying and disease. Social media is sometimes a way to share those experiences in a general way.”

Texas A&M College of Medicine is working to steer students in the right direction. The college touches on social media issues both in the first and fourth years, encouraging students to evaluate their internet personas. In the first year, they hear from an ethicist and break into groups of 10 or 12 to discuss case examples. In the fourth year, they have a professionalism module that covers 10 musts and must nots, including social media topics. Internet practices also pop up at various times throughout the program, when ethics and professionalism are addressed.

All the while, instructors stress that judgments about what is and isn’t appropriate are almost entirely subjective, so it's better to be safe than sorry.

“We drill into their heads that professionalism begins the minute they step on campus. It doesn’t take a license.”

David Lambert, MD University of Rochester School of Medicine and Dentistry

“The biggest underlying premise is there’s going to be a lot of judgment about what a person puts out there, and perception is reality,” Dickey says. “Their employers and their teams will have those judgements. If someone thinks there’s a problem, there’s a problem.”

At the University of Rochester School of Medicine and Dentistry, students can ask questions about online behaviors through a school intranet site. The portal allows anonymous queries, so students don’t have to fear risking embarrassment.

Students also receive repeated instruction on internet conduct, starting during orientation week, says David Lambert, MD, senior associate dean for medical student education at the school.

“We drill into their heads that professionalism begins the minute they step on campus,” Lambert notes. “It doesn’t take a license.”

The upsides of social media

Despite the professional dangers it poses, the internet can be a place to form connections and dip into social justice advocacy work, says Jeanne Farnan, MD, MHPE, associate dean of evaluation and continuous quality improvement at the University of Chicago Pritzker School of Medicine.

“We don’t want to dampen their voice,” she says of students. “We just want them to use it in a professional way.”

“Our students are super active in issues around social justice. We don’t want to come at this conversation with ‘The 10 Commandments of Facebook.’ We just want them to recognize there can be consequences for what they post.”

Jeanne Farnan, MD University of Chicago Pritzker School of Medicine

Students and doctors have used social media to advocate for diversity in hospitals, gender equality, and universal health care, among other causes. There are Twitter chats specifically dedicated to uniting groups within the medical community, including a #WomenInMedicine chat. In addition, medical students have taken to social media to get their med school questions answered — Farnan says she’s advised students on Twitter whom she has never met. The @AAMCPreMed account helps aspiring doctors know what to expect from medical school and residency and uses hashtags to advocate for causes, including #BlackMenInMedicine.

“Our students are super active in issues around social justice,” Farnan says. “We don’t want to come at this conversation with ‘The 10 Commandments of Facebook.’ We just want them to recognize there can be consequences for what they post.”

On the whole, Farnan says, students seem to be moving toward a more productive approach to social media, often using it to become better doctors, more involved peers, and stronger patient advocates.

“It’s not as much a tool to post silly pictures,” Farnan says. “It’s more an avenue to unite as a group across the country.”

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boricuagoddess79 · 6 years

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Happy New Year everyone!! Its been a while since I’ve written and it’s simply or rather not simply been because the latter half of 2017 was whirlwind. It happens. I helped plan our high schools 20th reunion this past September, Kiddo was struggling with turning in his work on time and grades were suffering because 13 year olds…amirite? And then the holidays of course. I ended up having emergency surgery in December to remove the LapBand that I only had for 18 months. The good thing was I had lost 100 lbs, the sad thing was it almost killed me by slipping, and even worse I still owe $7,000 on that surgery and lord knows what the bill for this will be. I didn’t eat for 10 days and well the icing on the cake was a tree hit my house on New Years Eve. Clearly in a past life i angered the gods and apparently their time to shine was fourth quarter of 2017. It wasn’t all bad here’s a trip down memory lane for the year before i get to the reason for my post.

January: My first visit to Chicago!

January: Stood up to the Patriarchy and marched for Human/Womens Rights

February: Finally saved up enough money to paint my house. Now its not thescary house on the hill!

March: The Harlem Globetrotters ❤

March: The Harlem Globetrotters come to Mics school to help stand up to bullies

April: We scored tickets to the Playoffs

May: Taught myself how to install a light

June: Got to see my grandpa

June: Family Reunions Cousins

July: Lost a childhood friend. Honor the Moon

August: Fake Bachlorette Party- Level Epic

September: Niceville 20th Class Reunion

October: Happy Halloween!

November: Freedom is a beautiful thing, Welcome home Pat!

December: Finally! 100 lbs!

December: Part 2 emergency Surgery

December Part 3- The damn Tree

So now that that is out-of-the-way onto the Getting Rid of 100 Things. When I saw my friend on Facebook post it, i had to pause and i thought hmm how would i do this. The woman who posted it is full of wisdom and always inspires me to think so i knew not to take this lightly. Sure we can look at it physically throw away 100 items. Easy. But I thought I could mix it up to just try to improve my life in general. Yes, there will be a physical purge at some point but i thought it only right that my first thing to “Get Ride Of” is UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.

It’s a new year. If you haven’t been constantly reminded of it by all the New Year New Me posts on Facebook then you’re lucky. I don’t normally make resolutions because I have a hard time committing to anything. Hell, I’m surprised me and my shadow still hang out. But I bit into the hype as one does and mixed in with having my LapBand removed and the fear of gaining weight i decided to sign up for a Women’s Half Marathon in November and that I was going to go on a low carb diet to get these last chunk of lbs off. I figured that i would lose 23 lbs in a month (WTF) AND RUN. Can I tell you that a week in I was sticking to the diet, worked out but jumped on the scale and i was 15 lbs heavier. Now before you oooh and gasp I need to remind you that prior to this I had emergency surgery, had not eaten for 10 days and then was on a liquid diet for a week so in that time I lost 25 lbs. Its only natural to gain it back for the health of your body as nourishment comes back to sustain you.

But I wasn’t reminding myself of that. I had failed. I gained weight back (which after weight loss surgery, it becomes your biggest fear) i had jumped into bad habits of thinking negatively, I stopped telling myself nice things in the mirror, I criticized my body who really did work very hard this year. I ate sad high protein food and punished myself when I didn’t lose 5 lbs overnight. I found myself crying and depressed and basically had resigned myself to dying alone, undiscovered for years on my couch. Yes I have a flair for the dramatic and it gets the best of me from time to time.

When I saw my friend post the #GetRidOf100Things i sat and thought and came to the idea that my first trash out for the new year was to get rid of the negativity. And that meant, for me. to Get Rid of Unrealistic Expectations. Not only as it pertained to my health, but overall when interacting with people. So ill break it down in the areas where I think this could benefit.

UNREALISTIC BODY EXPECTATIONS: Yes run that half marathon, do it for fun for camaraderie, do it for the adventure. Do not get mad if you don’t finish by a certain time, half to walk a little or are the last one to finish. Do not feed yourself sad food that makes you feel even sadder. Yes make better food choices, portion control, but if you want a piece of pie eat the damn pie. There’s no such thing as bad food enjoy the moment in moderation. Understand that a 23 lbs weight loss in a month isn’t healthy. When I had the LapBand I lost up to 1-1 1/2 lbs a week and i was ok with that. Eventually it got me to a 100 lbs weight loss (OK 85 now that I’m eating again) but if I was happy with a lb then, why all of a sudden is anything less than 7 lbs a week unacceptable?! Who wants to live like that. Stop setting myself up for failure of the heart and mind, I’m not going to win Miss Hawaiian Tropic and I’m OK with that.

UNREALISTIC RELATIONSHIPS: Honey if he’s just not that into you, there is nothing you can do to salvage that. This year I held onto, clawed and grabbed and tried to feed an unhealthy relationship because we had been friends for 15 years. I figured if the moon aligned right, i won the lottery, dressed pretty, was agreeable and the moon rose over Capricorn (whatever the eff that means) that it would just come together and guess what? all the sweetness in the world couldn’t make that work. In the end this person couldn’t even call me on my birthday and refused to sit with me in the hospital while i was waiting emergency surgery. Lesson here: You can’t get blood from a turnip. And I’m done trying to sell myself the story that i can. Next time ill read the room early and leave in time to enjoy the day.

UNREALISTIC TIME CONSTRAINTS: If I can do it I will, if i cant oh well. It is what it is

UNREALISTIC FUTURES: I have a vivid imagination. Oftentimes it gets the best of me and I go dark. Like real dark. I tend to think about the things that i don’t have and spiral down from there. Well circle back to me dying on the couch. In this scenario, I’m 38 years old, I’m unmarried and a single mom of one child, a dog and a cat. Often i think about how my son is almost a grown adult and will be going away soon to college or start his life. I imagine he wont call or come home often (even though he’s been raised better) and my married friends and family are all far away. I’m too old to date (nonsense) and I’m going to end up old and alone and no one is going to hold my hand as i leave this good earth. What the actual macabre shit brain!? So I’m going to try my best to not doom and gloom myself to the point of insanity. The next time I’m home on a Saturday watching TV and the cat is in my lap and my kid is upstairs ignoring me it’s just what it is. It’s not an indicator of what is to come and i will not in fact die on the recliner alone with the cat eating my face……you see what i did there? this ones gonna take work 😉

UNREALISTIC COMPARISONS: I will refuse to compare my journey with others. I will not look at Facebook pictures and get sad because my life isn’t like XYZ or that I cant buy a car like XYZ or that i wish i could buy those expensive xyz like XYZ. Not gonna do it. Its poison and leads to ungratefulness.

And that’s it. For my first throw away I am going to choose better health and get rid of Unrealistic expectations. What 100 things can you get rid of? I’d love to hear!

Get Rid of 100 Things: Chapter 1 Happy New Year everyone!! Its been a while since I've written and it's simply or rather not simply been because the latter half of 2017 was whirlwind.

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alxxkim · 6 years

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December 2

I’m currently listening to Overwhelming while eating candy corn Jin got me for my bday (so its been a month and yet) and I feel like I have a lot to say that I don’t have someone to tell to all in one sitting so here it goes. A few weeks ago I decided to stay at Biola for the spring but now I am having second thoughts. I am WAY happier at school away from my family/house and the thought of living at home 24/7 aka how summer was aka hell makes me actually want to kill myself. I really hope that there’s a chance Karina and I both go to Fullerton so we can have a place together. It sounds so fantastical but also just imagining how amazing my life would be is just all I am looking forward to. I think that I am going to end up enrolling late and not get any classes I want because people have already signed up for classes and most are full lo l but yeah. I am suffering from writer’s block. I tried writing tonight and I actually started crying as I was singing but it just didn’t feel right. I really want to write songs that I can 100% sing-cry to and make it feel so right. I just haven’t found it yet.I wonder how Jon Bellion wrote these songs haha. His lyrics are just so fucking wholesome and relevant to so many aspects of my life. Listening to him tho makes me feel so fucking confused cause the first time I saw him, I was “happy” and brown haired and dating John and the last time I saw him in September I was black haired, single, and broken. I still am those three things. Work has taken over my life again. I am scheduled Friday-Sunday for the next 2 weeks and as $$ as that made me think I was be, honestly it just doesn’t feel worth it right now. Granted, when I get paid, I will probably feel otherwise. I’ve been telling myself and others that I am okay with things with John. I honestly can’t fucking tell what I am. I obviously miss him. I am doing fine without him, I will keep doing fine without him, but I miss having that person. I guess it’s slowly transitioning to the point where you miss the feelings and not the actual person. But just typing that made me realize how false that is. I miss John a lot. He was so funny and caring and loved me so much. I honestly think I can now realize that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And I loved him so fucking much. Just being next to him made everything okay. The night my mom found an empty cartridge in my room and messaged me about it asking and I thought I was done for, and all I did was just cry, John was just there and as terrified as I was, I was okay because of him. I think its because its December and the holidays are coming and last winter was probably one of the best parts of my life so far. My 6 week winter break was full of shabu, Fiona, my new polaroid, and just freedom. I was so happy I had Sen Nick and Tyler. I was so happy I had my friends at home. Everything was just so nice. And I had the plan to go to slo with Faith before break ended, and it was just so nice. I miss that feeling of being so excited to see John again. As hard and fucking unfair the distance was being with him obviously made it worth it. I wish I realized how unhappy John was. But there’s nothing I could’ve done. And I need to accept that so that I can stop hating myself for not being better. Maybe I need to take the next semester off. Maybe I just need to find new things I could enjoy. I don’t think I want to go to Disneyland next week with my family. My sister isn’t talking to me again. I feel like the family is broken again but its just with me. I’m slowly turning back into the person I was during the summer. There are so many people in my past that I want to rekindle things with and just fucking get a meal to catch up, but I can never do that. I don’t want to talk about John I don’t want to talk about how unhappy and depressed I am. But I am so tired of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like deleting all social media again. Looking on insta after shifts is just shit because I just feel this urge to fucking post but i have nothing to post because I spent my night inside working. Last night was really fun though. I got off work at around 11 I think and came home and showered and was just going to be on my phone for hours till I was okay enough to sleep. I knew Shin wanted to fuck haha but I told him that I felt like shit so he called me and asked what was up and why I’m depressed. He actually listened even though I was barely telling him everything because then he would probably think I’m insane if he doesn’t already but yeah he told me to just focus on things I love and that it really helps. It’s so admirable how much he loves working out and playing basketball. But yeah we talked for nearly an hour until he decided to get me and I came outside when he said he was here and as I walked out i noticed he was outside walking to me and he gave me a hug and we drove behind Target and sat there for maybe like 30 min just talking and listening to jbel and the script LOL HE SANG THIS ONE SONG SO FUCKING LOUD he said hes never sung that loudly in front of anyone before hahaha i wish i knew what song it was but i will cause he plays it daily. i just hate asking so im gonna have to snake a peek at his phone the next time it plays. my toes were rlly cold and so he started warming my right foot with his hands and blew air into them a lot haha it was so cute and he gave me a dank ass fucking foot massage holy shit. it hurt like a bitch but in the best way possible. my feet/ankles are always so fucked when i work. so it was especially dank. I also didn’t wear makeup and he said I look better without makeup haha i was like ooooooooooooooooooooook but rlly yeah i was happy he said that especially because I’ve been wearing makeup daily because I just hate myself without it. But that day I had a bare face and actually felt okay. He kissed me and he kept saying how he loves kissing me so much. Omg and we made out to jon b like im sorry but it was fucking amazing. ok we also fucked to him too HAHAHAHA And then kevin told us to cruise outside cydni’s house cause him paul and esther were smoking so we went and as we pulled up, paul looked at us through his open window and we both laughed in the same explosive way HAHAHAHAH and they told us to shut the fuck up jk they just sushed us ahahahah omfg. it was just too gold. i really don’t want to ever smoke in front of shin again but yeah I couldn’t just say no to weed haha so we hit a piece which burned the shit out of my throat and I was pretty faded I guess and shin kept coughing cause we werent hotboxing the car but it was still potent and i felt bad :( and he was like IS SECONDHAND FADED A THING hahahaha and esther had her juul so i hit that and then we left the car to smoke and i smoked a stoog. oh yeah so immediately after we got out of the car to walk to their car in the beginning, we were just standing outside their car as they were sitting inside and shin like immediately took off his jacket (the warm flannel we got at pacsun whom he loves) and gave it to me even tho he was wearing a tshirt and shorts ugh. i took it off before smoking cause i didn’t want it to smell so he put it back on and he was like “you can wear it once youre done smoking” haha. and he offered to give it back on the way back to his car but i said i was ok. then on the drive to my house i stuck my body out the window to vent out the smell LOL and it was cold as fuck but felt cool esp with shin’s crazy ass driving hahahahah and i was like i wish you had a sunroof and he was like “yeah thats my bad” and i was like NO BITCH IM NOT TRYING TO COMPLAIN ITS NOT UR BAD I MJSUT SAYING lol and shin has told me how much he hates smoking and the extent of it and how its so unattractive to kiss someone whos smoked so im like welp but as i was getting out of the car he was like yeah fuck u u smell i aint kissing you and i made a pout as i was getting out and he was like no wait and he kissed my cheek hehe. and before that he asked if i was feeling better and i said yes and thanked him and he said yeah of course anytime in a tone like ofc bitch. haha i love when he kisses my head T^T but yeah i came home around 4:40 or however long it took to get to my house and I was happy and hickey’d up and i was just so happy we ended up doing that.

i slept right before 7am and woke up like 11 so yeah i barely slept which is probably why i felt so off today. but i just stayed in bed till my hair cut which was at 2 and kathy was so shocked to see i cut my bangs LOL going on and on about how i never wanted bangs and then i do it and i WISH I DID NOT TRIM THEM LAST WEEK CAUSE THEYRE SO SHORT NOW CAUSE THEY WERE SO UNEVEN AND I LOWKEY HATE MY HAIR AND I WISH I DIDNT GET IT CUT SHORT UGH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE but im gonna work with it and we’ll see. I wanna change my hair color again but idk what to change it to. Then i went to emily’s and we picked up at unity and smoked and caught up and she was doing her interior design homework and i had to leave cause of work which sucked cause i just wanted to actually hang out but i covered shin’s shift today cause he spent all day studying so im glad i got to help him out and if it were anyone else’s shift i would’ve hated myself lol. but he didn’t call me until like 1 or something but i knew he would call eventually and he said he wanted to finish his work early so we could’ve hung out but he has way too much and so we just talked but i could barely talk cause my bitchass sister always fucking goes off about how inconsiderate i am so yeah lmao but yeah and i told him i got off work early to which he said he knew cause i got home around 11 and i ate and he calculated it and theres no way i couldve eaten after getting off at 10:30 and got home HAHAH like he cared enough to think about that.... and then i told him i have work tomorrow 11:30-5 and he said then maybe he’ll come bring me boba

i dont expect him to but maybe he will im so fucking over work

i cant believe its already sunday tomorrow and i have to go back to school for chapel i think. fucking kill me. i just want to have free time

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