#only Ed wouldnt let him

[sassydefendorflower]

It's actually so important to me that the first time we see Ed actually cry in Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood and Manga) - apart from the automail surgery - is when Hohenheim offers him his life to bring back Alphonse.

Throughout the entire story Ed doesn't cry because of his misguided love-filled promise to Al. No matter how horrible their odds, no matter how traumatizing their journey, Ed refuses to cry. He comes close. So, so close. When Izumi tells them it's okay to be sad, offering comfort after a long time without. After Nina dies and Ed and Al let the rain wash away their sorrow. When Hughes dies and guilt becomes an even heavier cloak weighing their shoulders down. When death comes knocking on Ed's door and he decidedly sends it packing.

Ed laughs and rages and smiles and screams.

But he doesn't cry.

Just because Al can't.

Ed was eleven when he made that promise. He was a child suffering through something truly horrific when he promised himself and the world that he wouldn't cry as long as his brother wasn't allowed to do the same.

Which is painful to watch - especially since it tells us that Ed knows how much crying is a part of life. He gave something up, not out of some misguided idea of masculinity, but because he knew it would be a sacrifice to keep himself from crying. A punishment since his brother could no longer offer his tears in the face of sorrow.

But by the end of the story Ed has cried. And it's not tears of joy, like the ones he promised Winry. No, Ed is angry when he cries - and Alphonse is no longer there.

In a way Ed kept his promise to Al - he only cried when the person he made this promise to (be it silent and secretive) was gone.

As far as they knew Al was dead.

But that truth alone didn't bring tears to Ed's eyes, though it certainly shattered his heart and made him quiver in desperation. No, in the end it was Hohenheim who finally allowed Ed to spill tears kept locked away for four long years.

And I love it.

I love that Hohenheim trying to do something truly loving, something completely selfish, something absolutely sacrificial was the thing that pushed Ed over the edge.

Because Ed never forgave his father for leaving, but by the end of the story he understands why he left.

Because Ed is so unbelievably angry with this man who abandoned him, and he still cares for him - partially because he knows Alphonse does.

Because Ed was never forced to forgive Hohenheim, but we still know that Hohenheim loves his children and his wife and would do everything for them.

Even, no, especially if it means dying.

And Ed can't take it.

So many others have died by this point, they are all painted in blood and pain, and Ed has lost his only constant - and now his father wants to make an ultimate sacrifice?

No.

So, Ed gets angry. And he cries. And he saves Al on his own - with the help of all of his friends, and Hohenheim.

Because no matter Ed's feelings on the man who gave him life, he doesn't want to see anyone else die. He doesn't want anyone else's blood on his hands.

And he wants Hohenheim to get a chance to be a rotten father - because at the end of the day Hohenheim is someone worth crying over even, no, especially by the boy who promised he wouldn't cry.

(there is something to be said about Hohenheim crying on their family portrait, only to be mirrored by Ed grinning while holding his own child - there is something to be said about Hohenheim willingly offering his life, only to be stopped by the tears running down his son's angry face - there is something to be said about Ed's anger and Hohenheim's soft grief and their shared past)

#fmab #fma #edward elric #alphonse elric #van hohenheim #fullmetal alchemist meta #fullmetal alchemist #fma meta #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #fma brotherhood #i love them your honor #like... i dont think hohenheim would ever win dad of the year #but like... this is SUCH A TORTURED SOUL #and i think him trying to die #by saving Al #was his way to apologize for all that #for leaving and not coming back #for being awkward and not knowing what to say #if he could die for Al it would all be worth it #only Ed wouldnt let him #because he knew it wouldnt be equivalent #and because he couldnt watch someone else die #not even a rotten father #(especially not a rotten father Ed somewhat cared for) #they never made up #the show never asked Ed to forgive Hohenheim #but I do think Ed understood him by the end #they are very similar after all #and Hohenheim truly loved their mother #and he truly truly loved his sons

[scarletrosii]

What would happen if Edward Elric walked through an airport metal detector?

How serious can I be with this.

He wouldn't bc he doesn't have airports in his time.

He wouldn't bc by the time airports became a thing he'd probably be too old to even want to go anywhere, let alone by the time airport metal detectors became a thing.

But let's say he time traveled, and universe jumped. Now he's gonna go on the plane with me to Calgary in a couple months and is staying with me until then. Most likely I'm gonna just find him an alternate route to get there. Here dude, take this shuttle bus since greyhound isn't a thing anymore (rip)

But if he HAS to fly, first we gotta get him some money to bribe somebody to get him official documents. He's gonna need a passport and birth certificate and a SIN and a services card (I'm not explaining those tho I'm well aware y'all ain't got them in the states) while we're at it we could get him the disability thing that MIGHT make it so he could be allowed to have a bunch of metal on him through the detector. Idk exactly how those work but I assume it'd say he's an amputee and these are his prosthetics and please leave him alone.

Now I'm gonna pretend he's just in front of me in the line up. He did not stay with me, I'm only just cluing into an anime character appeared, and he made his own choices once appearing in this new world with new tech.

I'm gonna be pissed aren't I. Thank fk they'll just shove me over to another line and I already showed up like 3 hours early bc I can't stand being late

#edward why didnt you just #transmute yourself a plane #would still cause like a million and one problems but they wouldnt be near ME #wait how old is this edward #is it 16 y/o him? full of piss and vinegar and two metal limbs? #he would have an even worse time as an unaccompanied minor #or would it be adult him with only one metal limb (and maybe random bolts in his shoulder) and a sense of humility #Let's make an ed queue #fma #full metal alchemist

[thatweirdguyinthebushes]

one thing ive always loved about fullmetal alchemist brotherhood is that it never begrudges a person their revenge. it never paints them as evil or worse than the object of their outrage. fullmetal alchemist will never tell a victim they have not earned their anger, or that it is not right. it does not speak against revenge because your anger is wrong. it only says that you must be careful - that vengeance may destroy you and the ones you care for if you let it consume you.

when mustang hears that scar is ishvalan, he says that, in many ways, his killing of state alchemists is justified, although he's still not keen to become a victim of it. when scar is faced with the daughter of the doctors he killed, he bows his head and tells her that justice is hers to deliver, and that he will not fight if she chooses to bestow it. roy is never told that he must forgive envy, or that hes wrong to want them dead; only that, should he choose to kill them, he will no longer be the kind of man he wants to be. the kind of man he can be. they all agree that envy must die - ed never says that roys anger or grief is unjustified, that his vengeance wouldnt be deserved. instead, he asks "is that the face you plan to wear when you lead this country?" he says your anger is earned, your violence is justified. if you burned them to death like you wanted to, no one would say they did not do it to themself. but is a man who burns a defeated enemy to death the kind of man you want to be?

when scar finally decides to stop killing state alchemists, he doesnt do it because he has learned to forgive, or because they do not deserve it. there is no forgiveness for the things amestris has done to his people, and arakawa never suggests that there could be. rather, he stops killing state alchemists because he cannot build a better world on top of more corpses. his anger is justified, but his violence will breed more violence, his hatred more hatred. it will kill him if he does not stop it first, and it will lead his people to even further ruin if he cannot escape it.

fullmetal alchemist never says that revenge is evil, or that your anger is not reasonable. it only asks, do you know the cost of taking that vengeance? is that the kind of man you want to be?

#fmab #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #scar fmab #roy mustang #edward elric #fma #fmab analysis #analysis #revenge #writing

[ghostr0tz]

I would very much like to hear your Vox headcanons

Takes a deep breath before opening my mouth cartoonishly wide.

Definitely was disabled during life but probably hid it pretty well. I feel like Vox was sick a lot growing up.

Having a body thats both mechanical AND flesh? Yeah that sounds like an actual nightmare to live.

The only upside is Vox using his electricity for weird electrotherapy. And sometimes he gets annoyed and overdoes it when he doesnt immedietly feel better.

Vox makes his own aids and equipment, and deals with most of his health issues by himself too unless its too bad.

Makes sure his aids are at least stylish in the VoxTek branding. But he doesnt sell them probably. Those are his. Made for himself.

Probably has arthritis and definitely Hypermobile and generally his body just HATES him tbh. Maybe EDS or even POTS. Chronic migraines too (you would too if you had a screen for a head!!!!!) Doesnt have a pinpointed diagnosis though. Vox just sort of Deals with his symptoms.

He didnt start having as much chronic pain until he really started focusing on upgrading himself and everything etc.

Hmmm....I feel like Alastor has arthritis so it was one of the things they bonded over when he were on good terms

I feel like it wasnt the root cause when he was alive but polio WAS kinda ....a thing...that was going on..

Teleports any chance he can get over walking long distances.

He wouldnt consider himself housebound but he kind of is? Not in a traditional sense, its more out of choice. He never really leaves the V tower unless he has to. Lives there, brought his work there so he didnt have to leave, literally moved his closest friends in, and then moved THEIR work in. Why would he leave he has everytbing he'd want.

Thats not even a headcanon Vox just. Did that.

I feel like he gets flare-ups pretty easily. Constantly overworking and getting generally just getting worked up over things (ALASTOR).

Probably prefers crutches and canes over a wheelchair when it comes to mobility aids. I feel he'd feel too short idk. but the idea of him in a wheelchair is very cool to me. Nerdy Evil Supervillian

Okay thats all for now thank you for letting me infodump tehe

#ty for asking !!!!! #some time maybe i will share my nerudivertent headcanons . i k ow this man has so many mental disorders #i know this. trust. #ask #hazbin hotel #hazbin vox #hazbin headcanons #headcanons #vox #anon

[dragon-kazansky]

Spirit of the sea

Izzy Hands x Reader (GN)

You were a member of Blackbeard's crew long ago. Then you became a ghost story. Izzy Hands only sees you in his dreams these days, until he sees you for real when investigating Stede Bonnet. This sets him on a rollercoaster of emotions between you and what his captain is doing.

{Masterlist}

{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}

Warnings: Swearing. Izzy likes to swear. Buttons is naked. Also I'm pretty sure Izzy makes heart eyes at you without me actually typing out heart eyes.

Chapter Eight - Captain Hands

♡♡♡

The English came aboard the ship and promptly captured every pirate onboard. They cornered some of the crew and tied them up. A naked Buttons runs past you at one point, everything hanging out. You try to blink the image away.

One of the sailors grabs you from behind and takes your hands behind your back. You're then pushed down to the deck, face against the wood.

Edward and Stede are next to each other, looking at one another.

One by one everyone is taking in for questioning. It's only here you learn that this was about the murder of Badminton. You had totally forgotten about that guy.

This was his twin brother.

You're taken back outside with the rest of the crew and left to sit there. It's only then that you realise who else is here. Someone you thought you wouldnt see again.

"Izzy," you whisper, looking at him.

He's looking right at you.

It feels like all the air has been sucked out if your lungs. You've forgotten how to breathe. You don't even realise a tear has formed until it trails down your cheek. It splashes on the deck below, silent and unnoticed by anyone. Anyone except Izzy.

You turn your eyes away from.

Apparently Stede confessed to killing Nigel Badminton. His punishment was death by firing squad. At least it would be quick, you supposed.

Izzy was watching mostly you as Stede and Blackbeard were being given their sentences. He has missed you.

"In the name of His Majesty King George, this tribunal shall come to order. Edward Teach, or Black Beard."

"It's just Blackbeard. Like, just run it together as one word. 'Blackbeard'. Don't have to put a gap in there." Ed spirals on.

"You face death for general crimes of Piracy against the Crown."

"Yeah." Edward agrees.

"But a friend of the Crown has prevailed upon me to remand you to his custody. You shall be released to Captain Hands in exchange for his service to the King."

You turn slowly to see Izzy give Ed a little wave. Oh, now you get it. Izzy had made a deal with these bastards for Edward's protection.

While the crew of the Revenge boo Izzy, you try and find a way to control your breathing.

"Stede Bonnet. For the wanton murder of Nigel Badminton... your sentence is death by firing squad."

"We'll find a way out of this, OK?" Ed says to him.

"Ed, no. I deserve this. At some point in a man's life, he has to face the music." Stede speaks calmly.

Except, when he's up there with his blindfold on, he's screaming about much he doesn't want to die.

You had been cut free and permitted to stand with Blackbeard. One of Izzy's other demands was that you were safe.

You watch Stede with a sad expression.

"Edward... I know you're upset, but it was the only..." Izzy tried to explain himself, but Ed turns and punches Izzy hard. Izzy falls to the deck harshly. At any other time you would help him up, but not today.

The crew applaud what they just saw.

"Oh... that's fair." Izzy grunts as he stands up and brushes his hair back again. "Remember, though. You said when you made me first mate, 'Above all else is loyalty to your Captain.'"

"Rifles at the ready!" Chauncey orders.

"You're my captain, and I was never gonna stand by and let you destroy yourself for that... twat. And this, this is a humane way of ending it."

"Aim!"

"It's quick. It's clean. Edward you KNOW that." Izzy is basically pleading with him.

"Act of Grace!" Blackbeard calls out.

"No... No."

"Act of Grace!" Edward stands in front of Stede. Izzy looks defeated. "Act of Grace!"

The crew shout for Stede to say it too. "Say it! Act of Grace!"

"What he said!" Stede calls out.

Edward removes the blindfold from Stede.

"Fuck me," Chauncey mutters.

Edward explains the Act of Grace to Stede.

"So, you want to go to war for the King?" Chauncey asks them.

"We'd rather eat our own faces, but, yes." Edward replies to him.

"Two acts of Grace, please." Stede pleads.

"Ah. I'm afraid the offer doesn't extend to you, Bonnet. After, the King was only referring to real pirates. He turns to Edward, "He's from my world, not yours."

"Raise your rifles!"

"June 3rd. An excellent day!" Lucius stands up with Stede's diary in his hands, reading from it. "Raided a commercial vessel after overwhelming the hardy crew. We claimed a prize of lush vegetation in conquest." Lucius turns around to show a drawing of the plant.

Oluwande holds the plant up. "And here's the vegetation in question."

"They'll never forget the Eccentric Pirate Bonnet and his savage, insane, vengeful pirate horde." Lucius closes the book. "See? He's a pirate. a real, proper pirate."

"That man is a fearsome pirate if e'er I seen one." Buttons joins in.

The rest of the crew begin to agree. Stede looks proudly at them.

"Well, rule-of-law-wise, I'd say that settle it." One of the Navy officers says.

"A plant and a drawing?" Chauncey asks. "Settles nothing."

"It's enough for us. Blackbeard renounces piracy to serve the Crown? We'll be dining with Ol' King George himself."

"Why?" Chauncey asks the crew. "Why do you all show such loyalty to this... this... nothing?"

"I'd attribute quite a lot of it to a people-positive management style," Stede says.

Chauncey draws his sword. "Shut up!"

"Stand down, Admiral." He is warned. "Or will be forced to use measures."

"Measures? Against me?! He's the criminal!" Chauncey says, waving his sword about at Stede. "He's the murderer!"

"All right! Calm down, Mr Wavy Blade." Says Stede. "Chauncey! Sometimes, when we get a bit angry, do you know what we like to do? We talk it through."

"As a crew!" The others join in.

You smile from where you stand. Izzy notices.

"Oh, I know. I know what's happened. Yeah, we've somehow drifted south of the equator, and ended up in Backwardsland!"

Chauncey is promptly restrained.

You laugh softly. Izzy can't seem to keep his eyes off of you.

♡♡♡

Edward and Stede are taken into the captain's quarter to sign the contract for the Act of Grace. Izzy is in there with them.

You're sat on deck looking out at the sea.

It isn't long until the Navy retreat, taking Stede and Edward with them. You watch them go. Edward looks at you before leaving the ship.

That's how you know Izzy is standing behind you. You refuse to look at him.

Stede and Edward have gone.

Izzy opens his mouth to speak, but you're already pushing past him to walk away. He calls your name but you don't stop. He sighs as he watches you go.

♡♡♡

While Izzy sets things his way on the Revenge, by getting the crew in order and showing his leadership, you sulk down in his old cabin.

Since he's captain now, he won't want this old room back. You curl up on his bed and hide your face in the crook of your arms. It has been a long day.

You're not sure how much time has passed, but eventually your solitude is interrupted.

"Thought I might find you here."

You don't look up. You don't move an inch.

"You not gonna look at me?"

You remain still.

You hear Izzy sigh and he walks across the small cabin toward the desk. You hear him put something down, the item hiding gently against the wood. You can tell from the light rustling sound that he stands there for a moment before leaving again.

You look up once you're sure he's gone. Your eyes are drawn to the desk. Sitting there, just as you remembered it, was the wooden sparrow you whittled for Izzy.

Another tear escapes your eye.

♡♡♡

Izzy works the crew hard, all while not lifting a finger for himself. He throws round orders and makes sure every man onboard does his job. He states he's tough, but he's also fair

The crew still hate him.

They don't hate you, however.

Lucius finds you sulking away. He was sent to grab something for Izzy, but he decided today least check in on you.

"Dizzy Izzy confining you?" He asks, half joking.

You look up at him and sigh through your nose.

"What's he doing?" You ask.

"Ordering is around."

"Course he is."

Lucius frowns as he looks at you. "Thought you might be glad he was back, despite literally everything else."

"Would be had he not sold us out to the Navy and pushed Ed enough to go serve the King."

"He sucks, for the record."

"Yeah. He's a dick."

Lucius and you share a smile. The moment is only broken by the yell of "SPRIGGS." Lucius bolts out of the cabin to reach Izzy before he gets mad.

You return to sulking.

♡♡♡

As evening draws in and the crew go about their business, you come up to deck for some air. You hold the wooden sparrow in your hand as you rest against the railing of the ship. The breeze is a bit chilly tonight, but you don't mind it much.

You've become aware of when he's nearby. It's like you have a sixth sense for Izzy Hands.

"You'll catch a chill up here."

You do nothing but hum quietly in response, turning the sparrow around in your hand carefully.

"At least talk to me."

You keep twirling the sparrow.

Izzy shifts his weight to one leg as he stares at you. You can't see the pleading look in his eyes, at how desperate he is get you to look at him.

"I did this for us, you know. Edward was never supposed to do what he did. He wasn't even supposed to be on the ship... Jack was meant to take you and Edward with him."

"You sent Calico fucking Jack to get us?" You ask, hissing the question out. You still refuse to look at him.

Happy that you're at least talking to him, Izzy goes on.

"I wanted you safe. Safe with me. We could have had Blackbeard back. We could have been a crew again. No more Bonnet. No more ghosts. Just us and the sea."

You inhale sharply. Izzy realises in that moment that you're upset. He wants so desperately to reach out and hold you.

"Safe? No one is ever safe, Izzy."

You drop the sparrow and it falls down into the waves below. You grip the railing of the ship, knuckles turning white as you lean against it.

"I should have stayed dead. Maybe none of this would have happened," you say softly.

"Don't say that. Don't ever fucking say that." Izzy takes a step forward.

"You left me, Izzy!" You turn sharply and glare at him. "You bastard! You left me behind over some stupid fucking duel and then sold us out!"

You lunge forward and smack Izzy across the chest. He tries to block your attacks, but not with much effort. Izzy wants you to let your anger out on him.

"You bastard! You fucking idiot! Why? Why do any of it? Why did you leave me?" You cry out.

"What choice did I have?" He asks, still blocking your attacks.

"You could have stayed! We could worked something out! Anything. We could have done anything! At least we would have done it together."

"I offered you to come with me," he says softly.

"No!" You yell. You stop hitting him and glare at him. "We belong out at sea. That's our home. We made a promise once, do you remember? A promise to stick together and explore the world. Well, fuck that promise I guess!"

He says your name softly.

"No, Izzy. You betrayed me twice. You left me and then sold us out. How can I ever forgive you?"

He falls silent as he looks at you.

You push past him and walk away again. Izzy is left standing there, looking at the sea.

♡♡♡

Izzy wasn't ready to give up on you. Not now. Not ever.

He waited an hour or so before coming down to the cabin. His old cabin. It warmed his heart to discover you had taken it as your own. He knew you missed him just as much as he missed you.

"Leave me alone," you mumble.

"No."

You sigh as you sit up on the bed. "What do you want from me? Want me to scrub the deck? Shine your boots? Worship you?"

Izzy frowns. "No. None of that."

"Then what?"

"I want... I want us to talk it through."

You look at him silently, and then start to chuckle softly. "Talk it through? Now you want to talk it through. What? Like a crew?"

"Like friends."

"Oh, so we're still friends are we?" You scoff.

"Never stopped, at least on my end."

"Well it did on mine."

Izzy stands there staring at you. His eyes are soft and there is something about this posture that feels wrong. Not in a sense that he would do something to you, but like something that doesn't belong there. He's standing wrong.

"What is it, Izzy?"

"I fucking missed you, ya know."

"Did you?" You ask flatly.

"Yeah, I did."

You take a deep breath and calm your mind. You let most of your anger put on him up on deck, so the least you can do is be civil. Your choices were limited.

"I'm sorry about the sparrow. I, uh, I appreciate that you took it with you."

Izzy almost smiles. "Couldn't leave it behind."

"I'll have to make you a new one."

"Only if you forgive me."

"Maybe not then," you sigh.

"Do you hate me?" He asks.

There's a few moments of silence that pass that make him believe that the answer is probably yes. You have every reason to, he supposes. He left. Then Edward, for a moment.

You have every right to be upset.

"No."

Izzy finds his whole body relaxing from that word alone. Relief floods his heart and his lips actually do curl into a gentle smile for once.

"Good. Pretty sure the crew do, but I can live with that. I can't live with you hating me, though."

You meets his eyes and suddenly feel lighter. You never thought a simple gaze could take away so much heartache and pain.

"Pretty sure they're planning a mutiny. They tried once with Stede."

"Fuck."

"You are a bit of a dick, though, Izzy."

He looks at you with a faux sense of betrayal in his eyes. You chuckle softly, but know that the crew would most likely throw him off the ship.

"I'll see what I can do."

Izzy smiles gratefully before leaving. He has said his peace and for now that's enough. He bids you goodnight as he goes.

"Goodnight, Izzy."

♡♡♡

Yeah, the next morning the crew planned a mutiny. Izzy was promptly tied up.

"You said you'd see what you could do." Izzy looks at you, fire beginning to burn in his eyes. He kind of felt betrayed.

"Yeah, I tried. I talked to them for hours. They are adamant on throwing you off this ship." You tell him, looking at him firmly.

"You're just going to let them?"

You keep your eyes on him. "Yeah."

"If this is about leaving you-"

"Izzy, no, no. It's not like that." You raise your hands. Izzy furrows his brows. There's rope around your wrists.

"What?" He asks softly.

"I said, if they wanted to throw you overboard, they would have to throw me too. Or I'd kill them all in their sleep."

Izzy states at you.

You give a smile

"You...? You told them to banish you too?"

"Yeah. Either you stay, or we both go together."

Izzy is at a loss for words.

The crew come over and picked him up. He pleads with them to change their minds. He will listen and make changes. He will do what they wanted him to.

He wanted to stay on this ship with you. You shouldn't banish yourself for him. He had no idea you would go so far.

Did this mean you had forgiven him?

He looks at you, head bent as far back as it could go to look at you. You stand there and smile at him. God, why are you smiling? You can't be this happy to be mutinied with him.

"One!" The crew start to count.

"No! No! No!" Izzy pleads.

"Two!"

Izzy looks back at you again.

"Three!" "Hold it!" Pete stops them.

Everyone turns to find Blackbeard unexpectedly climbing onboard the ship. You stare at him confused.

"Izzy... I'll take tea in my room." Ed says, walking past everyone.

Everyone just stares.

Izzy is put down.

"What happened to his beard?" Roach asks.

You turn back around to Izzy and bring his attention to you as you work on undoing his restaints. He stares at you as you do so. You look at him and then back at his hands. Once his hands are free he reaches out and gently holds yours.

"You were really gonna do it?" He asks.

"Yeah," you say softly. "I was gonna do it."

Izzy really wanted to kiss you.

"Why?"

"For the same reason Edward protected Stede."

Izzy looks confused.

"Forget it."

All Izzy Hands can do is look at you. He untied your wrists and Olu sees to it both of your feet are intied too.

Izzy's heart was racing.

He wondered, did you mean what he thought you meant?

♡♡♡

@grippleback-galaxy - @askmarinaandothers - @godlikegallagher - @for-fuck-sake-im-alive - @whiskeyswriting - @lxsm2 - @bloody-bunni666 - @the-chocoholic-writer - @bugbugboy - @callmemana -

#izzy hands x reader #spirit of the sea #ofmd #our flag means death #dragon writes

[billkaulitzwife]

can you please do hc for dating johnny? (sfw + nsfw) thank you!

Yall are tiring me out I HAVE SCHOO-

ofc, non!! tysm for the request, golden <33

Dating Johnny Cade. (SFW + NSFW)

WARNINGS!!

swearing, ed, cuts, sh, mentions of sêx, etc.

Now Playing: Rosemary

johnny is definitely a deftones guy.

SFW

He calls you doll, darlin, sunshine, baby, etc..

He's not much of a sexual guy, he loves romance

Johnny wouldn't trade you for the world

omg he smells like orange peels im js putting it out there.

The moment he finds out you're getting picked on or flirted with

theyre

dead.

meat.

he packs a punch.

like say bob was trying sum w u, POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER

He's so lovable and sweet

he writes you notes on gum wrappers and sticks them in your locker

hes good at persuading the teachers to let him sit next to you

HE CALLS YOU BEAUTIFUL IN ITALIAN

JOHNNY IS SO SWEET

valentine's and ur birthday

he has money set aside for flowers

.

him and pony wld work at DQ together and you and dally would pull to the drivethru like

u and dallas: "YURR"

johnny: "hey, babe! 10.57 at the window."

dally: "i didnt even order yet"

johnny: "YALL ARE THE ONLY BITCHES COMING THRU MY DRIVE THRU AT 2:45 EVERY DAY SAYING "YURR""

.

Hes actually so sweet tho

Dallas keeps his eye on you

makes sure you're good enough for his son

im so serious when i say dallas would take you in as his child but u and his son are dating so thatd be weird

he'd definitely be all kissy and soft when hes tired

he believes communication is key unlike COUGHCOUGHMYEXCOUGHCOUGH

johnny is always by your side

even when ur pissing

hes outside the door

"can i hug you yet"

"JOHNATHAN MATTHEW CADE"

"sorry mi amor"

idk why but i think he'd hate pop and country

js like me fr

NSFW

when he bottoms he knows how bad you love his moans and whines so he lets them all out

hed 10/10 let you ride

and 10/10 wld smash

i mean he does both

when youre giving him head, this man tenses up so much and squirms

he doesnt like hurting you so he'll always thrust slow (at first).

if he ever found out you had an ed, he wouldn't be willing to do anything bc he wants you to be healthy

if you had sh scars, he wouldnt grab your wrists

hed be gentle on your thighs

he wouldnt grab your waist

he would hold your hand.

johnny would do anything to kiss you while fucking.

i swear on my life

he would beg you to kiss him

when you kiss his scar when shits heated

IT GETS SO MUH BETTER

1-10 wld u let him hit, answer in the comm-

this kid loves sloppy makeout sessions that turn out to be sex

like if saliva is all kinda running down your chins he'd get turned on

wait did i just fucking say he has a spit kink.

he def like hickeys

giving and receiving

he loves being called baby or something

anyways

guys im so tired. I LOVE YOU GOLDENS AND TY AGAIN NON!!🫶🫶

#darry curtis #greasers #johnny cade #ponyboy curtis #sodapop curtis #steve randle #the outsiders 1983 #two bit mathews #dallas winston #dally winston #matt dillon #rob lowe #tom cruise #patrick swayze #c thomas howell #ralph macchio #emilio estevez #johnnycakes #johnny cade headcanons #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders #the outsiders x reader #johnny cade x reader #tim shepard #curly shepard #s.e. hinton #darrell curtis #im so mcfucking tired

[queerbuckleys]

YOU WERE LIGHTING FLARES [1.3K | alternate universe| bmtb fic] {ao3}

a/n: she's hereee everybody!! i know we are generally losing our collective shit over promo and cast content-- but let me take you to another universe for just a moment. for @buddieau i know thigs didnt go as planned really, but without signing up for this i wouldnt have finished this and i love you both so much <3 both titles are from waking up slow by gabrielle aplin. this will be about 7 chapters i believe, all about this length each capturing a different moment in their relationship in this universe. enjoy <3

CHAPTER ONE: I COULD BE YOUR FRIEND Buck wasn’t one to often get deeply invested in their patients. He would connect with them deeply, leaving him emotionally wrought, but not in a way that was investment. 

Bobby had told him that their jobs stopped at the glass doors. Athena chewing him out. But it just had been something about how tiny the baby had been. Is. He had cradled her all the way to the hospital, feeling some sort of kindred spirit in her. 

He understands why they don’t go past the glass doors. He really does. There’s just something aching. 

“You know, I  have a friend up in the NICU. I could ask him about her?” Maddie offers over the takeout containers that Buck brought to the hospital with him after his shift. 

Buck just shrugs as he sips his coffee, “I don’t know Mads, Bobby made it pretty clear-“ 

“Well, what if you were to happen to be here, and happen on the floor… it’s 4 by the way," she smiles as her pager beeps and she takes a last gulp of coffee before taking off back to the ED, calling “See ya at home Ev!” Before she’s gone. And Buck is alone in the nurse break room. He pushes his last few bites of breakfast around in the container before eating them and throwing everything away and leaving the room, weighing the idea in his head. 

He stands in front of the bank of elevators trying to decide if he wants to go up or down. With a rush he pushes the up button before he can change his mind for a tenth time. 

He carefully follows the arrows and signs pointing him toward the NICU. He feels far too big and clumsy to be in this wing. Where fragile beings are just learning what it’s like to be in the world. Surrounded by such innocence. He didn’t quite fit in with his raucous and reckless life. 

He's finally standing in front of the window, carefully looking to see if he can see her. 

His eyes land on her in the incubator, and she seems even tinier than he remembers, even though it was only a few hours ago really. An eternity, and twice her lifetime for her and a blink of an eye for him. she has a hat now which settles something within the aching, but the myriad of wires and tubes add a new sense of worry. he’s never felt like this before. 

He just watches her chest rise and fall. Hands shoved in his jeans pockets. He still feels out of place, being six foot two, and all muscle. But there is a part of him that is truly and fully invested in everything about her. Wants to make sure that she finds her people, that she’s happy and loved. That she has someone to love her like Maddie loved him. 

The nurse comes by to check her vitals and Buck watches him closely, knowing the nurse can do his job but wants to see if he can read his expression as he checks her over. He catches Buck watching and after he makes some final notes on her chart, he exits the room and comes face to face with Buck. 

His arms are crossed, the sleeves of his soft gray shirt pushed up his forearms underneath his light purple scrub top. The tiny stethoscope hanging around his neck, a tiny monkey holding tight.

“Are you her father?” he questions, skepticism already lacing every word. 

And Buck nearly jumps out of his skin even though he saw the other man coming and even suspected that he woul be spoken to. That question wasn’t what he expected. The notion of it even, “Oh god no! I- I’m just-“ 

The nurse’s right eyebrow starts expertly climbing his brow as Buck stumbles.  

“I'm um, I'm a firefighter-'' he shucks the left side of his jacket a little to reveal the emblem, “I’m on the team that brought her in yesterday?” Buck tries, “I’m the one who held her all the way here.” 

The nurse softens, “And my sister, she- she’s the one who said it would be okay for me to come by- Maddie, she’s a nurse down in the ED-  I’ll leave if it’s not, I have pretty much gotten what I came for anyway, I am so sorry.” Buck rambles, fidgeting and looking over his shoulder. 

The nurse starts smiling, and Buck had never seen anything like it. 

“You’re Evan!” There’s a sparkle in his eye that could rival stars in rural Montana. 

A blush creeps across his cheeks, “You know Maddie,” he states, ducking his head and digging a toe into the linoleum. 

“I'm Eddie by the way, I'm guessing she’s never mentioned me by name?” 

“No,” he shakes his head, but then snaps his fingers, “but she did mention a NICU nurse friend!” 

Eddie laughs again resting his hands on his hips casually. 

“She’s tried to convince me to let her give me her cute firefighter brother’s number, I don’t know how many times.” 

“You can have it if you want,” Buck blurts, then covers his mouth, “Oh my god I’m sorry.” 

“It's okay.” Eddie runs a hand over the back of his neck, “You can have it. I just- I’m not ready to date yet?” 

“You can call me Buck by the way, Maddie’s the only one that calls me Evan. Well she does and my parents but-“ 

“We don’t talk about the parents,” Eddie says in the same tone that Maddie does and Buck laughs. It all feels like a breath of fresh air after the shift he had. 

It feels like Eddie is waiting for Buck to deny him something because of what he said, but Buck just takes his phone from his back pocket, opens a new contact and holds it out to him. Eddie smiles a little as he carefully takes it and enters the number. 

“Text me so I have yours okay? I gotta get back in there.” 

“I will. Bye!” 

“Bye Evan.” 

He looks into the nursery again just to make sure her chest is still rising and falling steadily and waves at Eddie one more time before rocking on his heels, and smiling like an idiot all the way to the elevators. 

Maddie is barely in the door before Buck launches into a rant, “Maddie how could you not tell me you’re “NICU nurse friend” is possibly the hottest man I  have ever seen but you have also offered him my number, on more than one occasion, unbeknownst to me. You had ulterior motives!” 

“So I see you met Eddie,” she says, dropping her bag on the floor and toeing off her shoes. “He needed it to be on his terms, or at least think it was.” 

“Yeah, he uh mentioned not being ready to date, what’s that all about?” 

“Not my story to tell. but I hear you have his  number so you can ask him yourself.” she just grins and opens the fridge to grab a glass of juice before she crawls into bed. 

Buck is laying in bed staring at the ceiling when his phone buzzes;

From: Eddie 🩺 Hi. 

A blush creeps across his cheeks and he smiles. He quickly schools himself because he just met the man. But there had been something about him that made Buck want to crawl into a warm bubble and live there with him.

To : eddie 🩺

shouldn’t you be sleeping 🤨

From : eddie 🩺

Couldn’t you say the same for yourself?

To: eddie 🩺

Oh no

R u someone that like uses actual grammar while texting

From: Eddie 🩺

Is that an actual question?

To: Eddie 🩺

Uhh yeah

From : Eddie 🩺

Yes. And if only there was punctuation for you to indicate that you were asking me a question…

To: Eddie 🩺

Oh. my. God. 🙄

good night

#911 #buddie #buddieau #eddie diaz #evan buckley #bmtb fic #aj writes stuff #usermoonlight #userbuckleyhans #tuserksn #tusercourty #userceecee #useroliii #useryb #userweres

[hollowhearts-and-espresso]

'IT' Discussions Pt. 1

yes theirs so much i could go into involving fears and repression and queerness and on and on and on in the 'IT' franchise (and i will, one day) but today to kick this all off we're going over something thats very near and dear to my heart and that ISSS (drumroll please) the use of opposites through the characters' depiction and character foils. lets do this one by one

Richie: The way he's depicted in both the book and movies, he acts like a fucking idiot lets be so real. he's dorky, and impulsive, and goofy, and typical mildly repulsive acting 13 year old boy but all in all depicted outwardly as an idiot. But when it matters. When its about how to find things, how to get around things and calm people down and get where they need to be and do what they need to do, Richies the one pulling through 9 out of 10 times. This boy is SMART. he pays attention and he remembers and he stays updated and informed. he acts like a goofy idiot to make those around him think he is (going into that more later) but in reality, he's the smartest loser. if he gets bad grades, he CHOOSES to. he knows his shit.

Eddie: where do i even start my dudes. obviously because of how his mother 'raised' (read: ruined) him, he's fucking scared. of germs, of new things, of everything, and not scared of the act of doing it but scared of what could happen when and if he does. he's a fucking scaredy cat. but genuinely? he's the fucking bravest. he's the one leading them, even if its Bev and Bill in the front. he pushes richie to do certain things, encourages stan, builds up bev and bill. when mike and ben get bullied by henry, eddies the one running in to do something about it and help them. yeah, he's constantly complaining about how shits gross and what could happen and this and that but only EVER as he's doing it. 'oh you could get poison ivy' as he's going into the bushes, 'oh this shit stinks' as he's pushing richie out of the way to climb into the sewer. for all his complaining and fear, he's the bravest.

Now on the topic of Rich and Eds, character foils, another use of opposites. Lets get into it pookies 😛

Now, every action has its equal opposite reaction. every thing that happens to one, that one goes through, that one does, the other has the opposite of that in the same way. So for every time Eddie comes home to an overbearing, intense mother, Richie comes home to an empty house and a note saying 'be back by 10' on the fridge. Every time Richie acts out just to make the others around him laugh so that he's worth something to keep around, Eddie sits there and shakes his head and smiles even though he told himself he wouldnt show too much feeling around them so he's not too much for those around him. one of them representing the fear of never being enough, never being GOOD enough, and one representing the fear of being too much, scaring those around him away. opposites.

but then theirs the purple to their Red and Blue. the similarities, where they mix and make something beautiful and painful. The constant fear of rejection and judgement of those around them. The repression and judgement of a small town in the 1980s and knowing, from the youngest of ages, that you're different, that your family is different and your mind is different and body is different. (come on, being gay and being on about 90 pills that arent even for fun in the 80s? one having divorced parents and one having parents that always fight and are always gone? they're all outcasts and repressed but these two istg). their purple.

the more you watch these movies and read the book, you can really pick up on more and more with it. how smart rich really is, how brave eddie really is, how similar they really are despite the differences in their situations and their characters.

Pt 2: Bill and Stan (Topic: Same)

Pt. 3: Bev, Ben, Mike (Topic: Same)

#it #stephen king #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak

[sinkableruby]

What are your thoughts on Tsubasa Tiger?

its good 👍

no im just joking imagine if that was the only thing i wrote for this after four and a half months of this sitting in my inbox wouldnt that be so funny like actually

anyway, better late than never!

tsubasa tiger is the ultimate culmination of tsubasa's initial arc. its her finally learning to protect herself, to take responsibility for herself, rejecting her angelic perfection for just being a person.

one of the things i really appreciate about it is that it's from her perspective, not from araragis. her growth is something she has to see through herself, and araragis (probably lessened at this point but id imagine still definitely present) idolization of her isnt the lens we need to see her from. we need to see her humanized and you can't do that so much through his pov, or at least you can't do it as much as you need to. cough cough nisioisin stop writing araragi pov so much cough cough

the OP has an uplifting, inspiring, "i'm going to take charge of my life" vibe. but im absolutely in love with the ED. i'm a sucker for those bittersweet songs that feel like they've captured something so pretty and painful about life and don't shy away from it. and what is tsubasa tiger if not that, taking on everything

the letter scene is wonderful, moving, and i love the visuals for it. there's an extended version (wow!) here, with subtitles and voice acting. it might make you cry be careful! i teared up a little bit

a scene i want to talk about in more detail is at the end, where araragi comes and saves her at the last second. i say saves her but. the series hammers in again and again that no one can really "save" another person. if the person being "saved" doesn't let someone else in, doesn't accept their help, then there's no way for them to be saved. the hanekawa who accepted and sat in everything that came her way just couldn't be saved. it's only because hanekawa fought with kako and decided to save herself first, that she was able to get araragi to save her, that she was able to buy enough time for him to come and save her. it's beautiful, and it makes it more beautiful when she returns the favor later :)

unfortunately this is an anime only discussion of it, and a brief one because its been a while since i wrote that post about neko kuro. i havent read the light novels... id like to read them someday because i'm told theyre very good. did you know she's bisexual. woah she's bisexual i didn't know that. sucks they cut that part out of the anime

#monogatari #nekomonogatari shiro #hanekawa tsubasa

[tantei-armin]

ANIMES I'VE WATCHED - WINTER 2023

I'm going to make these from now on, just for fun. This is about the animes I've watched this season, my short opinion and my rate on each. This is just my personal opinion.

-

DROPPED SHOWS: Tomo-chan is a Girl! (2 eps), The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Collegue (3 eps) and Kaina of The Great Snow Sea (1 eps).

First, let me be clear that none of these shows are bad. I will not rate them, coz I don't think it's fair since I've watched less than 3 episodes of each.

Tomo-chan was funny, but after 2 episodes it just felt generic to me. Ice Guy is a super pretty show and rly cute, but I just got bored and not rly invested to want to know more. Kaina, idk. Obviously the CGI animation can't be compared to Trigun Stampede, but it's not by any means bad. It wasn't the animation that made me drop the show, it simply did not hooked me at all, and after the first episode I completely forgot about it. Let me know if you think I should give them a second try.

Now here are the animes I've finished and my ratings for each (in no particular order). Beware for a few spoilers!

High Card

This one was good, but tbh, I couldnt really connect with any of the characters in the show. I actually enjoyed the episodes where it was just dumb fun with getting to see new characters and their weird powers, more than the episodes with actual plot. So the whole thing with Chris at the end, didnt rly appeal to me much, I felt like I barely new anything about him to actually care. Would I watch it again? Probably not, but I did enjoy it and will most likely give S2 a try.

Rate on MAL: 7/10 (Good)

Bonus: Favorite ED this season.

-

Sugar Apple Fairy Tale

I didn't expect to like this show as much as I did. I assumed I would lose interest quickly like it happened to Ice Guy and Cool Colleague. But the show, aside from being visually super pretty, have a nice (even if not the most creative) premisse and I rly liked the characters. It was one of the few anime that I was actually excited to watch a new episode every week. The only downside for me, is that the plot became repetitive halfway through. Ann gets screwded over by others, coz she is a girl and they are jealous of her talent. That made it get quite tiring near the end. But I am still excited for S2 and I hope the plot moves on a bit more.

Rate on MAL: 8/10 (Very Good).

-

In/Spectre S2

Tbh, I feel like this show might be better in manga form than anime. Because there's A LOT if talking. This season (so far) did not have much of a plot, more like 3-4 episodes arcs, that you can watch in random order and it will not affect the experience at all. I like the puzzles and the mystery, but thats about it. I actually waited for each arc to end and watched those episodes on a row, rather than watch weekly. I didnt have to force myself to watch the show and I quite enjoyed each arc. But I wouldnt rewatch it, specially since I know the answer to the mysteries now.

Rate on MAL: 6/10 (Fine).

-

Malevolent Spirits: Mononogatari

Went into this one completely blind. I actually kinda loved it. Unlike other shows that I started losing interest by the end, with this one I started to enjoy more as it went. The first episode gave the impression that it would be just another dumb shounen. I didnt expect the romance and actually rly liked it. The characters are very endearing, and it was refreshing seeing a MC that started as an edgelord and turned out to be a complete awkward dork instead of the other way around. Whats so funny to me is that practically nothing big happened by the final episode. It started as classic shounen and kinda ended like a Slice of Life. Would watch it again, and will definitely check out if theres a S2, since it's clear this was just the beginning of the story.

Rate on MAL: 8.5/10 (Very Good)

-

Revenger

Another show I went in completely blind and enjoyed it... for like half the show. Would not rewatch it. It's okay, I'm not big on historical shows, but it was interesting for most of it. To be honest, I would have rated this show higher, wasn't for the last episode. If tristamp had the best finale of this bunch, this show had the worst.

(Major spoilers ahead)

There was a whole lot of complicated built to the finale only for it to be SUPER BORING. The villain was so generic and during the entire show he was like this super smart guy, always one step ahead of the heroes... only to die in the dumbest way possible. Seriously he literally standed in front of the guy trying to kill him and say "hey come on join me" and got murdered. And then there was this whole thing during the entire show about having the main dude, forgive himself and find another reason to live and whatever. It kept building up and then in the last moment he was just still depressed and got killed by a character that appeared like twice and they never explained why the kid even did that or why he was so angry at him to begin with. Look, I'm all for sad endings and stuff, but this one just felt like the ending basically made half of the show's point completely useless.

Rate on MAL: 6/10 (Fine)

-

Buddy Daddies

This one was great! Very wholesome. It was a lot of fun, but also with some quite good drama. Not gonna lie, I teared up more than once. I expected it to be just dumb comedy, but it turned out to have quite the right amount of fluff and angst. A lot of people expected it to be SpyxFamily Gay Edition, but thats not it. I do have to say though... probably unpopular opinion, but I do NOT like Miri. Honestly she annoyed me to no end. Which makes her more realistic as a kid I guess. Do not go into this if you are expecting some homoerotic tension between the two guys. It's not about that, it's about found family for all parts involved and it's absolutely wholesome. I'll definitely rewatch it some day. Highly recommend.

Rate on MAL: 9 (Great).

-

To Your Eternity S2

Aw man this is hard. I absolutely adored the first season, it have probably the most beautiful first episode of all anime. Unfortunately... S2 did not do it for me. I desperately wanted to love the show as much as I did the first season, but it just didn't happen. By the end of the season, I felt detached from it and also disappointed. It didn't give that rush of feelings from season 1, and by the last couple episodes I felt like all the things about loosing people were thrown in the trash with all the revivals. The big reunion was kinda boring too, I was so excited for it, and yet it was just, meh. There were definitely some great highlights, but overall this season was incredibly inferior to S1 imo.

Rate on MAL 7/10

Bonus: Best character development of the season: Bon.

-

Trigun Stampede

Listen. LISTEN! If you follow my blog you know. But listen. This show! I'll say it right now: Anime of the Year. Haven't hyperfixated on anything this hard since Banana Fish.

No, I did not watch Trigun, I tried years ago and dropped after like 3 episodes for a bunch of reasons that I''ll not gonna go into rn. Tbh the main reason I decided to watch Stampede was over the visuals. I am a big fan of Studio Orange. I find their shows visually beautiful and just really pleasing to the eyes (where's my Houseki no Kuni S2, Orange!??), and I was instantly attracted to it when I watched the trailer. So I hopped on the first episode for the eyegasm.

But boy, oh boy this show is gorgeous. After the first episode I was hooked solely for the visual experience and the fun ride. By episode 3 I was hooked by the plot, and by episode 4 (with Wolfwood's introduction), I was in love with the characters.

I love the visuals, the designs, the story, the music, everything. Some of the changes people complained about werent actually changed, just postponed (which I theorized would happen halfway through the show), and some of the stuff that is actually different from the 1998 anime are actually the things I did not like in Trigun 98. And thats just a personal preference. But I do think that the fact I didn't watch the 98 show as a kid (it wasnt even released in my country) gave me the opportunity to fully enjoy Stampede without nostalgia getting in the way and clouding my opinion on it. I'll say that I agree that the pacing was quite fast, but I also understand why Orange and Kenji Muto did that, specially after we realized this entire season was a prequel. I do hope S2 slow down the pace a little bit.

But guys. The finale. Holy shit. The finale. I was rendered speechless. The final episode alone was a masterpiece. That's how you raise the bar on how to do a finale. The second cour of 86 had an AMAZING finale, but this here was something else. The animation was stunning, the music (ohmygod the scene they fell from the tower holy shit, when Vash's wing appeared), everything was absolutely incredible.

This was the show I couldnt wait for a new episode. This was the show I kept rewatching the episodes over and over while waiting for the next. And every time I did, I would find a new detail that I didn't notice in the previous watchs. Look, preferences aside, it is crystal clear how much love and passion was put into this show. From the gorgeous animation, to the character's expressions, to the small details everywhere, to the way the studio's staff interacted with the fans on twitter, this show was put together with a lot of effort, passion and thought.

I can say right now that Trigun Stampede easily became one of my favorite shows of all time, and this is coming from someone who have been watching animes for over 20 years. I'm not really planning to try watching Trigun 98 again, but I am planning on starting the manga, specially since I already got spoiled about some big events.

Bonus: Favorite OP of the season.

Rate on MAL: 10/10 (Masterpiece)

Anime of the Year for me 100%. I do not see any anime taking Tristamp's place, not even SnK's finale, and this is coming from an originally SNK obssessed blog. Thats how much Tristamp impacted me.

-

That's it!! If you think there's an anime I missed this season and should check out, pls leave it in the comments which is and why I should give it a try.

#winter 2023 anime #buddy daddies #sugar apple fairy tale #trigun stampede #malevolent spirits: mononogatari #high card #revenger #in/spectre #to your eternity #anime reviews #mine

[babithyn]

November 16th, 2023

tw~ ed

Hey guys, good news! I lost 6lbs within the past 3 days :) i mean its not much compared to what my goal is but im happy im below 230lbs.

I mean my highest weight was 259lbs and that was right before i gave birth to my babygirl :)

Granted, i haven’t been very disciplined so i’m kind of confused as to how i lost 6lbs. Maybe its water weight from all the swelling. I mean my feet we’re probably 4x their normal size. I couldnt even fit into my slides which were size nines and i where a seven. But i can fit in them again!

Also my bf’s hoodie use to be snug around my waist and now its loose so my stomach has gone down a little bit.

We went grocery shopping and i was doing my best to get healthy food and low c@l food. Bit i had to remind myself that i cant eat to little of food otherwise i wont have the nutrients in my body to nurse my daughter.

Another thing i have to remind myself is that the breast milk my body is making weighs about 10-15lbs. But because i’m nursing i should be loosing 1-2lbs a month. Cuz nursing burns calories surprisingly enough.

My goal is to loose another 5lbs by the end of the month. Although thanksgiving is around the corner so thats a little scary. But i might not be going to my moms for it meaning i might not celebrate it in general.

My mom had changed plans on me and is now going to her friends for thanksgiving. See that wouldnt be a problem if i didnt have a newborn and i knew her friend. But considering i dont know her friend i’m not comfortable taking my daughter or myself to some random strangers house. I don’t like meeting new people in general and you can times that by 20 now that i have a kid.

But in other good news. :) my bf and i were approved to rent a house! we get to move in on the first. Meaning we gotta start packing now. But i get to have my pupper with me!

i spent $100 to get him esa certified. So that i dont have to pay a pet fee and they cant refuse us housing or kick us out because we have a dog. So things are looking up for us!

The house is in a nice neighborhood and it has 3beds and 2 and a half af baths. Its two stories with a backyard and a garage! We got a brand new sofa and loveseat set!

The only downside to the house is that we’re going to be paying $2k a month not including utilities. And i probably wont be able to go back to work till about february maybe march. and i’ll probably only be doing part time for the first couple month’s i go back. On top of that ill have to pay for a babysitter.

Im thinking it might be more financially beneficial to just be a stay at home mom until she’s about 8-11months that way she’ll have started saying small words and hopefully have taken her first steps. then i can take her to a daycare and i can go to work full time.

but other than that we also need to get some more furniture and appliances. we need a washer and dryer, a new bed since we have a queen and our daughter loves sleeping with us. We also need a dining room table, dishes, cook wear, dressers nightstands. granted i have two dressers at my moms. its just that they’re heavy as all hell.

But on the plus side my mom and her bf are willing to help us and my bestfriend is coming to visit and said she would help us. And i’m sure my bf’s friends wouldnt mind helping its just a matter of him asking. I mean him and his friends are cops and if you know anything about first responders its that they have a huge sense of camaraderie.

Its kind of funny im dating a cop. I’ve never been a huge fan of them but it’s mostly the system that im not a fan of. it lets the bad ones get away with horrible shit.

But thats off topic. actually the bottom half of this entire post is off topic.

Anyways if you’ve read this far thank you :) Stay safe and much love thank you for coming to my ted talk:)

#4norexi4 #tw ed diet #tw ana diary #i will reach my ugw #disordered eating thoughts #sk1nny aesthetic

[baylardo]

NONE OF THIS IS HECKING “CANON”!!!!!!!!!!

when I’m feeling REALLY quirky hypothetical with au I think about Like aged up kiddos Like Adult age Like Philippa and Edward out in the delta quadrant?????? Searching for their sister and what all they’d stumble across and recollect from their childhood Voyage out there (i don’t think id draw on THEIR recollection outside of the last season because they were only five lol and that’s REACHING) you could also pull from prodigy or the first splinter timeline stuff (beyerverse) but definitely dealing with some of the repercussions of voyagers Transactions

I’ve like NEAR THE BEGINNING OF THE AU wanted to use seskas son as a rival of sorts,,,,,, I think he’d easily rise to power given hes part cardassian and smart and also bullied for being a halfbreed and everything and takes advantage of the kazon by using his wits and proves he’s great at outsmarting opponents blahblahblah USUAL ANTAGONIST STUFF,,,,,,, you could also theorize culluh wouldn’t LET the other lads be mean to his halfbreed son So alternatively hes super spoiled and inherits power idk!!! But I was thinking Ed would have had previous interactions with him given Ed lives in the DQ???? And they don’t like each other but I feel like they’d have some ambiguous energy between them hahaha.

I’d also thought about ummmmmmm utilizing borg baby Rose all grown up and maybe giving a silly excuse of her having hyperthymesia or something either from having been borg or maybe a species trait or maybe individualistic to her! But her finding and recognizing THEM and it takes a minute for it to click,,, but itd be funny cute if she became like their substitute sister while they find Amelia lol, and she could navigate them through the DQ,,,,,, but I bet Rose would wanna go back with them to find Janeway :3 shed Be an adult by this time as well so it’s not TOO horrible for her to want to depart from her biological family and everything. I think she’d just wanna thank kathryn maybe join starfleet for all that they did for her. Idk if her name would still be Rose but in this hypothetical I supposed shed REMEMBER being called that :D

Another fun evil hypothetical id wanted to approach was a VERY INDULGENT Neelix/klingon lady in Prophecy???? Next gen :) Neelix wouldnt know about it, itd Be in the circumstance of philippa and Ed finding the Klingons out in the DQ and there’s this gal on the ship there whos weird for klingon standards and super happy and loves cooking and smiles all the time and laughs when she growls and has whiskers and bkahblhabkbalh. But like NONE OF THEM say shes A halfbreed. The idea being her mother scares everyone into accepting her as klingon or she’ll kill them lmao. And eventually they’d wriggle the truth out of the mother that her daughter is neelixs and subsequently half talaxian. :)

#and it all stays gen plat because I’m indecisive <3 #and also don’t wanna pull away from the sibling dynamic lol #threshold au

[4n4q]

hi

i am finally back:) its been a while haha. im gonna (trauma?) dump a bit here so if you dont wanna read it then dont read it this is mostly for me.

tw - dr^gz, p1llz, 3at1ng d1s0rd3r, n3gl3ct

so i just logged back into this acc and the last time i posted was the day before i had to leave my dad bc of his relapse.

my dad was pretty much neglecting me and my brother and he was barely home, which was great for my ed but not really for anything else. i also wasnt going to school and over all i was in a pretty bad place. then he and his girlfriend took a bunch of drugs and it was just chaos. i had to take care of me, my dads girlfriends daughter and the dog while my dad and his gf were out doing god knows what and the house was a mess and the dog wouldnt stop barking bc she was scared. it was bad for a couple of months but it was like suuuuper bad the last three days. the night before me and his gfs daughter stayed up until like 4 am trying to get the dog to stop barking and my dad came home a couple times totally out of his mind on drugs and he did a bunch of weird things like putting food in the oven and the forgetting he did that and then saying he already made food and then naming the food he made like four days before that. when we finally got to go to sleep my dad and his gf still werent home and we had no idea where they were. the morning after i got woken up at 5 am by a call from my dads gf and she asked me to throw down the keys bc they didnt have any (my dad had already taken my keys and his own keys bc he had forgotten where he put them the night before) so i got out of bed to do so but then they called again and said they got let in. they went into our apatment and his gf was screaming and saying a bunch of stuff abt my dad being a junkie and she was saying that she didnt care if the kids woke up and that he stole her meds. then she told her daughter (who was now awake obvi) that they were going to leave and that she had to pack her things. she then proceeded to take all the pills in our house and dump them out on the floor in our apartment and in the hallway. she screamed a bunch more and then she left (i was in my room so im not sure) and so i called my mom and i didnt have any rides on my busscard and my card was conected to my dads account so he was the only one who could put money on it so i had to meet up with a family friend who lived nearby to be able to go to my moms. i started packing my clothes and then me and my brother left. we couldnt take my dads gfs daughter with us cuz she had a foster home where she lived and yea (her mom didnt have custody over her she was just visiting cuz her mom got like phsyco mad if she told her she didnt wanna see her anymore). after i got home i later got to know that my dad had driven his gfs daughter to the place she lived at (yes while he was still on drugs) and he had forgotten abt the dog but then my mom called and reminded him so he went home and like gave it food and stuff. then his gf got back and got mad at him for driving her child to her home so she made him drive her there and she beat up the mom who was taking care of her child. she then went to the police and told them she had been robbed. (the kid is living with her 20 smt sister now and her mom is not allowed to see her so yeah shes okay now)

i later also found out that one of them had switched my adhd meds for something else and they dont remmember anything so were not sure who or with what.

so yeah that was my trauma dump! im okay now so yea i just wanted to rant a bit ig? im not living w my dad anymore and my mom is really amazing:) but im back on my ana bullshit now! and the only downside abt living w my mom is that she actually cares lol

#tw ed rant #ed not sheeren #pro for me not for thee #3ating d1sorder #@na #tw restrictive ed #ed bllog #ed relapse #tw ana diary #4norexi4 #tw drugs #@na trigger #@n0r3xia #@na tips #@nor3×14 #@na vent #@nor3xia #⭐️ve #th1n$po #@na rules #tw ed diet #3dblr #3d f4st #3d relapse

[whatagirlwants]

Here it goes…this will be long 

bare with me the first time i typed everything i accidentally deleted it all. so this might be all over the place there might be typos. my reason for this is no reason just to jot down my thoughts so if you are reading this and offended dont take this personal.

 I think part of me feels the need to make this clear is because i’ve seen people not understand why she’d feel that about Joshua why does she describe him as vicious? where did it all go wrong. i’ve also seen Joshua fans undermine her feelings and bring up his traumas and what he went through to excuse him but what about what she went through? we dont have to compare but dont undermine her feelings and invalidate her. a certain comment struck me and it was a Joshua fan saying “she wouldnt pull an olivia write and release vicious about him and put him through it, she knows what he went through he doesnt deserve it he almost died” like they’re missing the whole point, i think sabrina has waited long enough and she tried to stay by him and it just didnt work, if she describe what he put her through as cruel then just accept it. yes his heart failed it isnt her fault? she tried to be there, how did u think she felt? he pushed her away too and he said it himself in his snippet of a song called Never and Sabrina sings about him pushing her away in Space and Dust which sh posted 2 months after dl was out.

To be honest with you the whole situation is complicated and you might not understand or if you’re biased towards any certain parties in this case joshua you will turn a blind eye and dismiss her feelings like you did vicious. Sabrina has never spoken about him or their relationship or put him on blast, she isn’t making this about her break up with him she’s simply letting the music find its people. What people make of it isn’t her fault, she didnt release vicious because she’s angry and wants revenge i mean its simply what she’s been through at this point she’s had a lot of people tell her how to feel its time we hear her out.

i’m not writing this as an expose i wish all well to Joshua and i know sabrina does too or she wouldn’t have written skinny dipping and imagine a day where it all wouldn’t hurt and she can put this past her. At the end of the day all 3 involved (sabrina, olivia, and joshua) have received hate in different ways.  part of me hates when someone defends sabrina and talks about what she went through and someone would bring up what Joshua went through. i dont like that we always have to bring him up maybe thats me and i hold some resentment of my own? maybe its cause im simply sick of seeing him be brought up and constantly baby-ed by his fans? which i understand. you wouldn’t turn on your favorite celebrity but i think its okay to accept he did Sabrina wrong and the only way to describe what he did to her is unfortunately is cruel. Sabrina herself said that she wouldn’t always feel like that and its just where she is now. 

I want to add im glad this is all over and sabrina doesn’t seem to be where she was last year and that makes me happy.

1. Why does she describe him as Vicious? 

I think in order to know that you must understand the timeline of their breakup and quite literally how he loved her and pretend he didn’t. because i don’t only want to show you the tl i want to be able to provide lyrics as proof and my own interpretation of it all this will be all over the place.

January 8th 2021 Drivers License was released, the whole cast of hsmtmts were filming the show in Salt Lake City and Sabrina was there visiting Joshua. Sabrina was spotted a week after Drivers License in Salt Lake. When Sabrina says in the song because i liked a boy “when everything went down we’d already broken up” is because thats what happened. He broke up with her after DL came out (it’ll make sense if you put it in this perspective, so stay with me). She even sings in the same song “was only trying to hold you close while your heart was failing. you said im too late to be you first love but i’ll always be your favorite” To me, it sounds like he’s breaking up with her although she was only trying to be there for him because she loved him. This all ties up to love me then pretend you didnt crush my heart and wreck my image in the song Vicious. The thing is i dont believe wrote Vicious around the same time she wrote because i liked a boy i think it took her time to understand how she feels and actually reflect on how things went down and how he handled it. 

It’s funny cause Joshua has a song coming out called Used To It and the first verse is about Olivia not caring when his heart failed (due to septic shock) This could imply to thats where his mind was at which makes sense to why Sabrina finds him cruel as well as if you look at the 2nd verse in Vicious she sings “when you’re insecure could be me, could be her you just run to whoever is winning”. Joshua has a song coming out too called Would You Love Me Now? and his fans think its about olivia based on a few lines the song is not out yet.

2. Sabrina stayed. 

i’ve seen this here on Tumblr and someone said the way sabrina describe their relationship was sweet or something like that but i feel like it was sweet at one point but the songs are all about AFTER their breakup in January 2021 and there is nothing sweet about a man who cant make up his mind. Regardless i understand things were out of control and to be honest yes he’s also been through a lot in his personal life but i dont think that should excuse anything. We hear Sabrina sing about Tornado Warnings and if you read my page you know it is about Joshua. Late March 2021 Sabrina and Joshua were at a park during a tornado warning (NOT BACK TOGETHER just to talk most probably). Lets focus on the lyrics, sabrina knows its a bad idea and that LOGICALLY she shouldn’t have him on her mind and she shouldnt be seeing someone who left her. In the song she’s saying she’s convincing her therapist it didnt happen and that she’s over that son of a bitch. 

The 2nd verse to me could be interrupted 2 ways 1. is Sabrina is justifying lying to her therapist in her therapy session “i deserve an hour in a week to focus on my thoughts not so obsessed with yours i cant hear myself speak” and she also is putting herself first and recognise that it is what she should be doing “i deserve my own consideration”. 

The lyrics “i deserve my own consideration” remind me of her song how many things. In this song, sabrina portrays her vulnerable side, she feels worthless in his eyes. although she’s not his priority anymore she constantly thinks of him “theres no hiding in the thought of us i got ways to find you anywhere” . Sabrina is aware once again she shouldnt be considerate of him yet she cant help herself “i consider you im not trying to it doesnt matter whether or not i want to i cant help it”  she also sings i wonder how many things you wanna do you think im in between Sabrina feels like this thing he has to deal with or in-between what he really wants yet she still went to see him during a tornado warning, she still considers his feelings “i feel myself falling further down your priorities and i still make excuses for you constantly” .

The sad part is he left and she touches on this in the second verse she sings “remember when you left once? that never made too much sense to me well it hurt you so bad hurting me you really came to me for sympathy” and in her song Bet Ya Wanna “i bet you hate the way you said goodbye and you still cant even tell me why i hate the way you left me dry but ill keep that between you and i” how did he say goodbye? i mentioned earlier it was around the weeks after drivers license was released in the lyrics she says he left her dry which means leaving someone high and dry which means to leave someone in a difficult situation without any help. and when was that? january 2021 now back to Vicious crush my heart and wreck my image.

Sabrina stayed and thats highlighted in songs like Tornado Warnings, Already Over, Decode and a song she wrote and posted in March 2021 called Space and Dust.

in space and dust sabrina says she’ll always be there “if no ones there to hear u scream you can still reach out your hand to me and im floating there ill always be the brightest star in your galaxy”

3. Theres nothing left here to decode

in decode Sabrina touches on his behavior of how he didn’t stay, confused her, and walked away and eventually choosing to walk away herself. Now that she stopped trying to understand him or the situation and walked away from it all she feels the weight off her shoulders “theres a weight off my shoulders now that i don’t chase you being myself, did that emasculate you? learning from you that i can walk away too”

In an interview sabrina talks about her favorite line which is learning from u i can walk away too and she said walking away wasnt an option to her because she thought walking away is a negative thing you dont walk away from someone you love but then she learned to realize it could be a good option and it is the better option. 

4. In conclusion

i promise im done but i wanted to go into details so this is a long ass post. point is someone can hurt someone and do something wrong regardless of what they’ve been through. sabrina releasing vicious is valid why shouldn’t she sing about him and what he put her through, its insane to me how his fans will vilify her or find her bringing up his heart failure in because i liked a boy yet his own fans bring it up every second to defend his actions. you dont find that weird? we’re all glad he’s okay and he’s made it but she knows him more than you and you might not be able to understand how she feels because regardless your his fans and she’s his ex and someone he pushed completely to the side when in reality she ended up in this mess cause of him cause she even gave him a chance letting him in her world. if sabrina fans dont like him or feel some way about him its justified too.

Dont make sabrina releasing Vicious a negative thing or “bringing” him up for attention when he only writes about OR which he knows will get 10x more attention than singing about SC. Sabrina released Skinny Dipping which is how she wants it to be in the future “water under the bridge”

This is how sabrina described Decode:

“When you finally stop hurting yourself trying to understand why someone didn’t love you the way you thought they did, it all becomes so much more clear” and based on his songs he’s releasing right now that are assumed to be about Olivia, sabrina’s feelings in vicious are valid. 

#sabrina carpenter #vicious #emails i cant send #how i feel #joshua bassett #jolivia #jabrina #olivia rodrigo #Drivers License #drivers license drama #i just dont get why some of his fans are mad she expressed herself #this post is long overdue #because she liked a boy #tornado warnings #bet u wanna #hsmtmts

[sanchoyo]

arc v episodes 101-115 thoughts under the cut but first....yuyas dad is FINALLY here and I feel bad for being so suspicious of him. but also still Mildly Distrusting bc i KNOW how ygo dads ARE

-NEW OP!!! its very Cool, sounds like smth in ddr. still think believexbelieve and kirifuda are above it but its a solid third place I think. very hard to pick bc theyre all rly Good and the visuals on this one are rly rly good

-strongly disagree w yuya saying 'umm kaito if u card ur enemies ur just as bad as them >:/' dude cmon lol hes fighting against ppl hunting everyone in his city for sport. not the same thing at ALL

-the second shingo fckin said hed duel kaito i was like. well shit rip lol. gon and yuya reluctantly doing the action duel chant with him was so funny pls

-kaitos deck is weird as hell what happened to it. where is your galaxy eyes photon dragon i MISS Her. photon deck > cipher deck just bc photon had his magical girl transformation. i do appreciate how rainbowy cipher dragon is. wait wasnt photon stuff implied to be from another dimension (like, barian/astral stuff, not..arc vs version of Other Dimensions) so..yeah this kaito never got his Space Illness!! hes Healthy Kaito! wild

-ok. so just from yutos like exposition of saying he knows of kaito and his expression is different now (and us seein a flashback to a smiley happy kaito…) …and the lack of orbital and his photon form and the fact he was going to be a duel champion…haruto never got sick in this au version did he? which means faker wouldnt have had to shove tron/kazuma into the barian/astral portal thingy, and faker wouldnt have made a deal w vector or made kaito a numbers hunter? so he could focus on his own goals and live a more normal life I guess? so..does that mean yuma and astral NEVER MET?? DO THEY EVEN EXIST IN THIS WORLD. SAD. like even in a world that seemed to be kinder to kaito by not making his dad such a dick or his bro sick, he still got fucked over by a WAR in the end which is worse than what happened in zexal akjsfkjhn. well. at least this kaito hasnt taken the Moon Trip.

-ohhh my gosh yuto, shun, and ruri in casual clothes hangin out and watching kaito duel (also, this heartland has duel schools! named after card suites! thats fun) shun and kaito must be the same age, right? …so I assume the flashback is when they were 17ish and kaito is 18 now like in zexal? so the attack on heartland took place over the course of a few months to a year (ongoing it seems like but only to get stragglers now…oof) I thought shun, ruri and yuto were all the sameish age but nope. knowing yuzu and yuya are 14 makes me think all the counterparts are the same, so its probably pretty likely all three went to normal (non dueling) school together AND then duel school together, but yuto and ruri are prob in the same age so they mightve been friends first from going to the same school, and ruri later introduced yuto to her brother? so they have a cute lil trio now…this is my headcanon. (it rly does seem like all the yuboys and bracelet girlies were bffs from young ages EXCEPT serena and yuri jkdshfk)

-also can I assume at least SOME of the original characters from zexal are in this universe if not yuma for whatever reason (and prob not any of the barians?) like. would kotori have been goin to school and been in the grade right under yuto/ruri? …I want ruri and her to be bird friends

-the ED is still a dsod commercial booo let me see the ed animation! I had to go look it up on youtube. and its prob my least fav so far sadjfhkj its nice looking but so Plain compared to the others..the song is nice?

-oh my god kaito said he dueled yuto countless times and yet it took him halfway into the duel to realize yuya looked like him. kaito faceblind like me confirmed? also I like how kaito didnt beat yuya SUper fast like jack did the first time lol, makes me think yuyas getting a lot stronger gradually which is fun!

-yuto during the kaito stuff started speaking to yuya? he literally has not regularly done that at all up until this point. was..he able to do that all along and just Never did?? lmao?? not even to pass along messages to his bestie shun??? nope, kaito is Thee Important Guy to talk to yuya abt I Guess haha. good to see him again. also still good that yuya is not Questioning Why yuto is Tagging along inside of him or why that happened in the first place. lol

-yuto rly told yuya YA DONT TELL THEM IM HERE DONT TELL THEM MY SOUL IS IN YOU bro…theyre just gonna assume ur missing forever….yuya NEEDS to let them know lol

-'then my dad rly wasnt a coward!' yuya why is that your reaction to your dad having gone to xyz?? did he rly not tell ur mom at least?? was he helping in the War??? i still am salty he left yuya at home to do that seemingly w/out word of when he could be back or what was going on to at least his WIFE?? I get not telling ur small child maybe but cmon... the xyz ppl called him a coward tho lmaooo??

-ARE ALL THE GIRLS IN FUSION DIMENSION!!! YES!!! GIRL TIME

-14 yr olds HAVE to be in academia…literal child soldiers!!! oh god yuzu!!! (but also I NEED her to go and hang w the other girls lmao) the fact kids regularly run away and the adults are like WE GOTTA SEND HER BACK…chasing her down for it…GOD

-LOVE THE DRAMATIC REVEAL OF ASUKA. AS IF I COULDNT RECOGNIZE HER. I lichrally dont recall anything abt her but im glad to see her again anyway. looks like shes not with academia despite still wearing the uniform LOL. love cyber angels designs too

-on the other hand im very lukewarm to edo being here. hi I Guess u were not my fav in gx nor did I dislike u...just some guy to me... same hat on us both not liking yuyas dad? (I DONT HAVE A VALID REASON I AM JUST SUS ABT HIM AND DONT LIKE HIS VIBES SO FAR. like i GUESS theyre implying hes a good guy but im like :/ ok.)

-yuyas dad. right there. running a duel school for academia runaways. cool? glad hes kinda helping stuff?? god yuzu's reaction to seeing him broke my HEART she is so compassionate and immediately cries out of relief bc she knows how much everyone was worried abt him. she prob was too bc he was prob like an uncle to her...agh

-oh my god yuto POSSESSED YUYA and his eyes turned grey. gonna be real bodysharing is one of my fav tropes and im enjoying yuto being more Active A Lot :3c (also, yuya seemed to be in PAIN before and after yuto did this. so. interesting)

-this monster is AMAZING LOOK AT THOSE STAINED-GLASS WINGS!!! BRO DARK REQUIEM XYZ DRAGON IS EVEN A COOL NAME. LOVE HER

-shun talking to kaito abt the power of friendship was RLY cute and I appreciate his effort BUT HES GONNA BE A TOUGH NUT TO CRACK. HIS WHOLE FAMILY IS CARDED. poor haruto :( (do not care too much for dr faker at all tho tbh)

-ppl rly just accept when yuya says yuto is inside of him. love the ygo universe bc its such a Normal Whatever thing

-106 kicks off with some BOMBSHELLS. leo and yuyas dad worked together to make real solid vision?? I was under the impression his entertainment dueling was created separately but No. they worked together. classic ygo dads moment. and yuyas dad looked tiny baby reiji in the eyes after being asked to be the leader of the lancers and decided to go do stuff on his own anyway to try and TALK to leo. I get it! he didnt want the kid to be involved! understandable actually but he fucked up by going before the system was ready and landed in xyz oof...dumbass moment but I get it. he wanted to try and solve things himself...does he know what leo's plans entail?? can he tell me if so jkdsjfn is it rly just Rule All Dimensions bc thats sooo lame if so

-glad to see a lot of fusion kids were running away and doubting stuff going on… the random girl begging asuka to run away with her…lesbian moment. and shes a nameless bg character. damn. so sad

-yuzus new outfit is SOO cute!! and hair down moment!! need more hair down gel-less hair moments in ygo lol

-there had better be fanart of yuri or fanfics where he has plants (esp venus flytraps and stuff) bc of his deck

-OJAMA MOMENT. YURI CALLING THEM UNPLEASANT TOO LMAOOO says the guy with plants with eyeballs on them!! his reaction was SO funny. he is like a little cat to me. funney little guy. also when it zooms in on him and in the last (or the one before that?) op he has slit eyes sometimes. is that like. for a reason or just stylistic. its FUN

-jesus christ he took 5 of them out in 1 turn! overkill much! but also once again showing him as a Threat. right before he gets teleported AGAIN LMAO yuzu is Immune to Yuri

-YUGO IS IN FUSION TOO?? HOW LONGVE U BEEN HERE BUD I MISSED U

-the…effect yugo has on women.......... ^ (+how serena was constantly kicking/punching him away) hes like a golden retriever JKSDHFJK he just needs to find someone to match his energy!! poor boy 😂

-leo could not look more like a villain if he tried. my god sitting on his chair with THAT villain pose. ordering ppl around but seemingly doing NOTHING himself. his vibes. I RESPECT the aesthetic even tho hes a piece of shit father (the same goes for reijis MOMs vibes, my god its a wonder reiji doesnt have Villainous Mannerisms from being raised by them LMAO)

-NEW GIRL VILLAINS? NEW GIRL VILLAINS? NEW GIRL VILLAINS? NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WERE EVIL WOMEN IN ARC V HELLOOOO

-GRACE AND GLORIA YOURE BOTH SO. CHEFS KISS. MORE EVIL WOMEN ALWAYS. AND AMAZONESS CARDS!!!! OOOOH. >:3

-poor sayaka with her survivors guilt ;^; Feel Bad for Her

-OH!! sayaka uses fairies!!! FAIRY CHEER GIRL IS BACK YES KOTORI DECK LETS GO. I have now decided sayaka, ruri, and kotori were besties. two birds and two fairy users. it just makes Sense!

-'the professor would never send us for duelists of your caliber' they say then keep taunting the kids. my god grace and gloria arent just evil women. theyre MEAN women pro assassins for academia. I am OBSESSED with them. are either of them single

-iron wolf trains design is so funny to me. ive seen the card before but i didnt kno there was a character who used it in the animes...train deck is such a funny concept. beep beep

-I mean Obviously yuya/shun would win against the ladies, but it was very nicely done? gloria/graces strats were cool, they got their LP to an INSANE number before bein taken down and yuya did it with STYLE and a FLARE and put smiles on everyone (sans edo)'s faces which was. good to see. good.

-hey i was gonna say 'edo love ur shoulder fringe thingies' but then…I saw the rest of his fit…what are u WEARING. SNUGGIE??? thought u had beef with xyz but maybe ur mad the barians stole ur fit like HUH. WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT. LMAO. (going to get roasted alive if it turns out he wore this in gx and I just forgot but tbf I remember like. 4 things abt gx. yubel was there. there was a...caveman? dinosaurus guy. he got the dino bone in him and went to space. vampires? that is all. manjoume was there.)

-sayaka's visceral reaction/panic when the obelisk force's monster came out…I knew she had severe anxiety+ptsd but GOD IT MAKES ME SO SAD. PROTECT HER. (+ the chaos named monster being in xyz world…yes. good)

-i think kaito is the only person not to flinch at all during the 2000 interference policy bs. icon

-'i will KILL SAYAKA YUUSHOU'S SON' …I wonder if the literal translation is KILL?? thats what the subs said but my god edo, do u not mean 'turn into a card' kill seems like. well. a bit SEVERE.

-aww edo fuckin. put yuya in a CAGE MATCH. I was hoping we'd get edo v kaito. I am still holding out hope for kaito and jack to interact somehow

-grace wanting to watch while gloria is like UGH LETS GO ALREADY peak sisterisms. …damn they arent gonna keep these women evil are they (they were prob child soldiers too, which, fair enough)

-kaito rly said nO PROB takes out entire obelisk force alone KING SHIT

-this duel prof guy whos name I am not committing to memory (guy with coconut hair) is mad annoying. I miss the actual professor from gx, he at least had cute clothes and lipstick for that certain gnc flair. this dude is like if spock sucked

-oh. ok edo has pants under his robes and stuff. from the side its more obviously like, a cape situation with hangy bits, but, I like my idea that its a snuggie better. </3

-it makes perfect sense why edo is upset but him being like 'I DIDNT SMILE!! I DIDNT!!' is a LITTLE funny. and ofc he would think duels arent supposed to be fun, yuya. my god hes only known them as tools of war! its like goin to someone and being like 'i KNOW guns are scary but where IM FROM all the bullets are marshmallows and we shoot them in each others mouths and into our friendship cocoa so dont worry, I want to understand u by shooting u gently with marshmallow gun :)' and u gotta be like. ok well where im from they are Death Weapons :( HHHH.

-also now that we're seeing more of yuyas dad can I just say. I DONT UNDERSTAND YGO GENETICS. DOES YUYA DYE HIS HAIR??? HIS DAD HAS BLACK HAIR AND HIS MOM IS A REDHEAD. anime genetics in general are screwy but with multicolored hair…its like. it MUST be hair dye right. if we are being honest. in a realistic au where that IS the case do we think yuya has 1. natural black hair or 2. natural orangy hair like his mom 3. some mix of the two (brown hair??) hmm.

-I feel like yuya's performer persona has come out 10000% more in these two past duels than the entire series and i LOVE IT YUYA FEELS LIKE HES GETTIN IN THE GROOVE OF IT. YES. MAKE THEM SMILE BABY. i am smiling too. cute…

-aw edo swapped sides and threw his fake snuggie away. also grace being SO READY TO JOIN YUYA HAHA. even edo and the tyler sisters hear yuya explain 'o ya yutos a guy whos Me from xyz ^^' and theyre like oh ok :) I LOVE HOW THEY ARE JUST. FINE WITH IT. I LIKE when everyone is friends so this is fine.

-kaito putting the fear of god into loser spock. amen

-…ok academia soldiers immediately switching sides and helping was cute. idc if its a bit unrealistic for all the child soldiers to flip that quick. its NICE in theory.

-edo being like 'o ya we can return the carded ppl to normal' casually and everyone being SHOCKED. i …kept forgetting everyone prob thought it was forever Permanent LMAO??? like. obviously /i/ know they return everyone to normal (just bc on a meta level Killing Everyone including minor charas FOREVER is too Much for ygo probably, and itd make academia a LOT more unforgivable imo) but. still. wild

-yuya/yuto speech abt 'yeah, we NEED to forgive to move on, ofc theres unforgivable stuff and thats even more painful but the best we can do is try to make ppl smile' …sweet sentiment. like I get what he means but I also dont 100% believe ppl in xyz would realistically be That WIlling to let academia ppl Help Them jdsafhkj

-so yeah, the cards are being used for Soul Energy or whatever, and edo thinks all the ppl are gonna be reborn. wonder if thats bs from leo or real? and 'reborn' as in like, immediately the same? so more like respawn that reBORN right. anyway what in the world is leo ACTUALLY aiming for bc i still dont believe its some utopia bullshit. hes using child soldiers and kidnapping girls…

-they put shun in A POD?? MAGIC HEALING POD??? HOW IS HE /THAT/ INJURED CMON. WE NEED FIGHTING BIRD. nooo are we rly leaving him in xyz for now boooo :(

-wait we're really going to fusion NOW? are we coming back to xyz after? it feels too SOON we have like 40 eps left, also, we spent way longer in synchro comparatively…

-christ, im GLAD yuyas dad is finally like 'yes ill go, ill take charge and talk to leo' buddy your old pal is using child soldiers and causing genocide, we are a little past trying to get him to egao!!! also how long have u been in fusion, u didnt IMMEDIATELY GO TO DO THIS??? IF UR SO SURE U CAN TALK TO HIM??? annoying asf im sorry i dont have a valid reason to dislike this man but i DO i do dislike him. one thing abt ygo is all the dads usually suck so im just WAITING to hear some SHIT abt him ToT

-dennis is finally back??? I forgot he existed. sorry dennis. you're FUN but not one of my favorites

-i do love all the students being like. NOOO YUYA'S DAD SENSEI STAND DOWN LET US HANDLE DENNIS. fuckin DENNIS trying to be a threat jdsfkj. as if yuyas dad is like, old and weak?? his leg might be injured but my god I seriously doubt he, as a pro duelist, who INVENTED A NEW TYPE OF DUELING, cannot beat DENNIS. funny

-…I do think dennis wouldve lost, but THEY RAN AWAY FROM THE DUEL. how many times has this happened in ygo ever?? wild!! theyre rly going for academia right NOW?? OH GOD ITS HAPPENING. WILL THE BRACELET GIRLS ALL FINALLY MEET UP

-YUYA YUZU REUNION. AGAIN.

-the INSANE BACKFLIPS KAITO JUST DID. I AM ON EP 113. HE JUST. KAITO WERE U A CHEERLEADER AT SOME POINT?? WHAT WAS /THAT/

-kinda mad abt yuzu being relegated to Damsel a bit, but glad she can also protect herself and duel

-yuto is SO funny popping out while yuya homosexually Duels kachidoki right after he says smth like 'bring out ur evil xyz dragon' and yuto says 'wow he rly hates u…' BRO ITS /YOUR/ DRAGON HES TALKING ABT LMAO??? yuto is so. well. im glad after this long, for this arc hes so much more PRESENT

-ok, yuya says smth REALLY interesting to me. he makes a point to be like 'because of how I was dueling back then (against kachidoki the first time, when the Demon Thing overtook him n yuto) I couldnt save kachidoki, but it's different now!' and. yeah? his character development has been kind of subtle, but in MY opinion he went from trying to force himself to smile as …a kind of Repressing of his Real feelings, and to just kinda emptily echoing his dads words without understanding them deeply, to actually wanting others to smile with him because hes Witnessed the Horrors and Injustices and wants to uplift ppl genuinely while honoring his dad too and…idk, it's NICE. I think the Demon thing is Less of an Immediate problem now bc hes! feeling his feelings More or smth? …is the Demon Form a Metaphor. (I know it wont be lol im still mildly worried abt it, esp since we got all the yuboys in the same dimension now..) anyway its nice and i already KNOW hes gonna befriend kachidoki :)

-kachidokis rainbow magic evil tattoos are so fun. love those

-the way yuya is struggling on roller shoes but was a natural on a bike in sychro is SO funny. granted his mom was a biker, so

-yuto's little 'hey are u doing this on purpose…' to yuya my GOD he is SO funny. emo king has JOKES (I think hes being serious which is even funnier actually)

-my god kachidoki's backstory is so sad but hes been fixating on yuya for EIGHT YEARS? yeah they are so. hmm. rotating them in my mind together. kachidoki was willing to make them both lose if it meant yuya losing…and yuya stopped him from doin that…offered him a friendly hand….going to CRY

-this is prob the first time kachidoki got praised like that in a duel too HHHH IM SAD. also why are u walking away, ur in a random dimension king, howre u gettin home? DENNIS? is DENNIS gonna send u home? jdsfkjhk

-my god dennis v kaito. why am I laughing so hard. kaito is like the biggest straightman ever to dennis' silly Menace and…yeah it's very funny to me. kaitos gonna beat his clown ass. kaito is THEE undefeated ygo rival I am not even a little worried

-ok quick card appreciation moment. bubble gardna is so CUTE

-Ok i expected kaito to win. did not expect. DENNIS TO, INSTEAD OF JOINING THEM, TURN HIMSELF INTO A CARD. jeez. ok. this was immediately overshadowed by the fact SERENA BACK!!!! ITS BEEN TOO LONG. HIIII SERENA :D

-…PIRATES ARE CANON. yet another epic win

-Moment. (followed by immediate betrayal, lmao I was wondering why we didn't get to see what she'd been up to and she just gave a vague summary...up to being brainwashed I Guess? unsurprising)

-I'm actually mad at how easily yuzu gets captured and goes along with this tho. bc it looked like serena just..mildly twisted her arm?? s1 yuzu would've fought Harder and been yelling (her being so spirited was one of my fav things abt her!) and they keep making her More of a Damsel and im >:( u still have legs girl! kick! bite! I want u to go down swinging if u must be caught!! struggle more!! damn!!!

-YUYA CAN SKATE ON TIGHT ROPES!!! i think I wondered earlier in this liveblog if he could do Circus Skills and he CAN MY GOD I AM SO VALIDATED RN. LOVE THIS

-reiji, layra, tsukikage, and crow are finally here. about god damn time. AND SORA IS TOO. YAY. why is jack not with them :<

-sora using a kraken monster against the pirate (pirate..cosplayer? lmao) so why DOES academia employ Fake Pirates exactly. like im not complaining I Just Want To Know

-this little?? approving nod and smile reiji gives to sora?? so cute ;_; genuinely glad to have both of them back, reiji is Best Team Leader and sora is very much needed if we're goin to academia (and look..hes all buddy friends with the other lancers now…cute…his FRIENDS…HE HAS FRIENDS NOW.......PROUD OF U DOT COM)

-also very glad yuya was like 'yeah serena wouldnt fucking DO THIS of her own will' and they did establish its Brainwashing. like, good on them for being smart and trusting their friends. refreshing to see

#sanchoyo liveblogs arc v #this one is Long and screenshot heavy but i had MANY thoughts #starting to think my dislike of yuyas dad will be irrational and baseless but still. #i dont like his...Vibes.... #SDJFKFJ #like hes been nothing but chill this far in but im still like. SUS. #ygo #arc v

[kevin6942069]

ST SEASON4 VOL 2 SPOILERS!

a/n i know i said i wouldnt write angst butttt... yk im really upset atm so lets make that into art lmao, anyways not proof read so im srry for any mistakes

summary: you and eddie got in a fight, then when he goes into the upside down, stuff happens.

tw/cw: blood, mentions of gore, death, and loads of angst with zero fluff, cursing and beer

word count and reading time: 1,930 words and 7 minutes to read

“WELL IS IT MY FUCKING FAULT YOU ARE AN IDIOT?” 

“....”

eddie was silent, he didnt reply. eddies never seen you get so upset at him, let alone actually yell at him. sure, youve had dumb fights in the past or youd jokingy yell at him if he tickled you or something but it never was this bad.

he tried to tell you about the groups plan to go into the upside down and “save the world” but you werent having it, i mean, who would?

who would let their boyfriend into some insane world with monsters and straight up killing machines?! you sure werent going to let him though.

“you know what, fuck it.” you said, storming towards the door while throwing your jacket on

“if you wanna die in that world just go ahead. cant stop you i guess” you said, trailing off with some mumbling, he just stared.

you reached towards the door knob when-

“y/n. i, i love you” eddie said, with a forced grin but you just ran out of his trailer and hopping in your car.

he sat down on his bed, in shock with no thoughts, no words, no nothing. what if that was the last time he got to see them? one of the very first people to ever treat him human, and not like a freak or zoo animal. what if they broke up with him after this? so many thoughts suddenly flooded his heads that all started with “what if-?” he went on like this for a good few minutes when he was suddenly cut out of his thoughts with a knock on the door, loud knocking. ‘shit is that them?!’ he thought, praying to fucking god it was you so you two could make up before he went to this hell of a world.

“HEYYY EDS ITS MEEE DUSTINNN” he heard from outside the door along with more loud knocking

welp, there goes his s/o being there he thought

opening the door to see dustin who dragged him to the rest of the group 

back at your house,

you slammed the door closed to your house, throwing your bag onto the group and stomping to your bedroom

throwing yourself onto the bed and sighing, thinking about what all just happened. eddie, edward munson was about to go into this insane killing world and pretty much get himself killed. and of course you had to ruin it by fighting for possible the last time youd ever see him. great. you tried to convice yourself that everything would be okay, he’ll get out of there alive and you two can make up, imagining silly thinks you two could do like cuddling whie watching the shitest horror movie of the 80s you could find. maybe make a ‘congrats’ cake for not, dying

it was funny for a bit but, then you thought about the odds of him getting out alive or even okay, at all. and the odds werent looking good. soon the worry really started taking over. you got that feeling where you just have to move, ike walk around. usually its a good feeling like if your really happy or just bored but, no, this was scared. you listened to your body and got up just to pace, pacing all around the house mumbling, the worry started to become too much as you started to feel that burning feeling in your eyes and nose. tears shortly come streaming down as you imagined him dying and no one there to help. dying is whatever terribe way from hunger, being shot, monsters, blood loss, every way and it only made you feel worse. you started choking on air. snot and tears started to mix and your throat started closing, it was getting hard to breath. ‘its all my fault’ ‘i could have went with him’ ‘i could have stopped him’

so many thoughts were going in your head, mostly all starting with ‘i could of’ or things that you could have done to prevent this. you sighed as you went to the kitchen, grabbed some beer. you needed to cool your nerves because everything would be okay, right?

skip to the trailer

“everyone ready?” robin said, glancing at everyone

they all nod and start climbing up the make shift rope into the upsidedown (which may i say, eddie looked hot as all hell when he fell on the mattress if yk what im saying ;)))

the plan was going smooth, eddie and dustin had got the demobats to come to the trailer and they both were locked in tight. 

“THAT. WAS. THE. MOST. METAL. EVEERRRRR”

“YEA AAA!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!” both of them start shouting and jumping in sync together like middle school girls, they both laugh and hear the scratching from the demobats move from the side, to the roof.

“theyre on the roof” eddie said

when, dustin spotted the vents.

“uh- they cant get in through there.. right?” dustin said, with worry

“..oh shit.” eddie said. just when he said that, demo bats started attacking the vent and breaking it off. dustin and eddie scream while plunging their weapons into the hole, trying to kill the demobats before they kill them. then eddie grabs a chair, shoving it in the hole 

“you dont have any more of those vents right?” dustin said

“OH SHIT. eddie said, once again as they both ran towards the next vent, but it was a bit too late. they already had gotten in. “SHITSHIT RUN EDDIE RUN!!” dustin yelled as eddie follows him to the rope. dustin climbs up the rope and lands on the mattress. eddie soon follows but he stops, half way up. “EDDIE CMON!” he shouts but eddie ignores him. he jumps back down and grabs his weapon, cutting the rope and moves the mattress.

dustins shouting at eddie but he doesnt bother to listen anymore as he already made his mind up.

short skip bc ngl i forgot what happened and ill cry even more if i rewatch the scene

eddie was on his bike peddling as fast as humanly possible, but a demobat knocked him off the bike, he stood up quickly and stood still. being swarmed by them.

he could smell blood already, the blue and red sky looked so much darker then before. the bats were moving in a circle around him to the point it almost looked like he was in the middle of a tornado. he put the weapon in his hand and his nailed shield in the other, he was gripping onto the metal so hard it was leaving imprints in his fingers and hands, turning the tips of his fingers white. eyes darting around him looking for when they were going to attack. when one flew towards him but he hit it with the shield, making it turn the other way. not too soon after the first one, more and more bats started to attack him at all different sides. one from behide hit him, knocking him down slightly and he stood back up just to be knocked down again. soon about 30 of them were attacking and biting him.

few minutes before eddie is being vored by bats

“dustin? what the fuck is happening?” you said,

after the beer had worn off, you thought to go back to eds trailer because who knows, maybe he was just joking and wasnt really going to go. and plus you wanted- no, NEEDED to apologize. as you made it in his trailer, since it was already unlocked for some reason, you saw dustin who was running around looking for something

“listen, there isnt time to explain but eddie is going to die if we dont help him” he said with voice cracks hear and there

“..guess i came in time then” you said, you ran over to his kitchen grabbing a knife from the drawer just incase there was monsters attacking him. dustin found some stuff to get up and once he landed, breaking his leg. he pulledthe mattress so you could jump down safely. you both run out the trailer and look around. both of you shouting eddies name. dustin turns and sees a swarm of demobats.

“oh fuckfuckfuCK EDDIEE!!” dustin shouts while crying

you both run to the swamp of bats, when all of a sudden they all drop. when you both see eddie, laying back down with blood everywhere.

“EDDIE! ITS DUSTIN AND Y/N” dustin shouts

eddie just stares up at the sky, unable to really move. “eddie! eddie! it, its me!” you say with tears coming down your face, that burning feeling all over now. while both you and dustin pull his head up onto both of your laps. you grab his arm and hold his hand. “eddie, oh my god.” you say

“ed, i-” you said while choking on tears.

“im so-orry. i love you so-so much.” you said, still choking on words.dusting was also saying some stuff to eddie but you only focused on eddie, he was still smiling. he had blood all over his teeth while blood spilling everywhere, but was still smiling. you could see the life being drained from his eyes. 

“dustin... promise me y-oull take care of those little sheep for -me.. alright?” eddie said, looking at dustin. “no-no eddie youll be able to do that yourself, alive.” dustin said

“say it..” eddie said with tears forming

“i-.. ill take care of...” dustin said will worms trailing off.

“good.. good...” eddie said with a smile

“i think its finally my year. its finally my year henderson.” 

he turned to you with little engery left that he had “and y’know, im s..sorry for ever-ything.. i love you.” he said, choking on blood making it spill out even more.

“nonono... eddie please stay with us. we’ll get you somewhere save and we’ll fix you up. pleaseplease just keep your eyes open, dont give up.” you plead, looking at dustin and back to eddie.

“nah man.. ive done what ive always wanted to do..” he said

both of you stayed silent, waiting for him to say something else.

“i..i didnt run away thing time, right?” he said.

“no, nono eddie you di-didnt run away this time..” dustin said

“you never ran away eds..” you said

“i love you both, so much man...” he said with a weak chuckle.

“nono please eddie stay with us.”

his eyes moved to theyre natural stat, smile fading and his breathing had stopped. 

“eddie...?” you both say

he didnt reply. you break down even harder while clutching his hand and putting your face into his chest, crying so fucking much. dustin puts his head ontop of yours while hugging you, also crying.

you both just stay like that for a few minutes, crying. till dustin moves and sits up. “what do we do with you know....the-”

“put it somewhere safe, not like we can bring a dead body to the real world.” you say. with the most monotone voice

he nods, he motions for you to carry eddie and you do so, you put an arm under his knees and one under his arms, picking him up. you hold him close not caring blood was all over you now. you and dustin go to the trailer, resting him in his room. you grabbed a blanket and threw it over eddie and gave him one last final hug, dustin walked over and took his bandana and necklace, he held out the bandana to you, you took it and put it in your pocket for the mean time.

he was really gone now. forever.

a/n AAAA”%:#!”l{eaKF I AM CRYING SO MUCH RN but i hope u enjoyed, because i know i did not enjoy writing this. 

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson angst #stranger things #x reade #eddiemunson #im crying so hard rn #angst