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katy-133 · 1 year

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Rick Sanchez Showing Signs of ASD for 30 Images

(Re-posting this from a previous reblog I posted in. For organisational purposes.)

(Using some notes from CDC.gov and NHS.uk)

“People with [autism spectrum disorder (ASD)] often have problems with social communication and interaction, and restricted or repetitive behaviors or interests. People with ASD may also have different ways of learning, moving, or paying attention. It is important to note that some people without ASD might also have some of these symptoms.” - Signs and Symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder, CDC.gov

Similar to the above quote, some of the below examples can be explained through Doylist (meta) explanations (for example, Rick usually wears the same clothes because that's a common trope in animation, due to asset limitations and marketing/merchandise reasons).

With that in mind:

Bad sensory, overstimulation: Rick preferring to eat just noodles (possibly due to texture/taste aversion), instead of having what everyone else in the family is having.

Getting very upset if someone touches or gets too close: Rick pushing Morty away when Morty runs up to hug him.

Stimming (repetitive performance of certain physical movements or vocalisations) by moving his fists in a celebratory shaking motion in multiple episodes.

Gets upset by minor changes. Rick getting mad at Morty for changing the position of his car seat, refusing to leave a dangerous situation until it's re-adjusted.

Rick: "Wait, did you f**k with my seat settings?!"

Having the same routine every day and getting very anxious if it changes: Rick being upset that Morty is busy and can't go on an adventure with him (like in a typical episode).

Gastrointestinal issues (for example, constipation). An episode focuses on Rick needing to go to a custom planet (that felt safe and secluded) to use the toilet and feeling great distress upon learning that someone else found the planet.

Has a safe food that is seeked out for comfort. Rick likes wafers. He's seen getting them from the kitchen in multiple episodes, Beth makes sure the house is stocked with them, and the Citadel of Ricks even has its own factory to produce them.

Referencing good sensory: Rick talking in detail about pancakes covered in syrup, not wanting the pancakes to go bad.

Rick: "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got pancakes back home with syrup on top of them. They're about to hit that critical point of syrup absorption that turns the cakes into a gross paste. And I hate to get all Andy Rooney about it, but I think we all like fluffy discs of cake with syrup on top!"

And Rick enjoying pancakes in S1E10 and S4E2:

Has obsessive interests. Rick becoming hyper-focused on giant mecha collecting and Morty reminding him to not go overboard on his new hyperfixation.

Morty: "Sometimes, enough is... ?" Rick: (Sadly) "Sometimes enough is enough."

Liking to plan things carefully before doing them: Rick keeping various helpful inventions in his lab coat just in case he needs them later (Vindicators episode).

Infodumping (to excitedly share a large amount of information about a highly-focused subject or passion at one time, usually in great detail and length).

Finding it hard to talk about feelings: Rick having hesitation in apologising and explaining his thoughts and feelings to Jerry.

Rick: "If I'm genuinely cool, I should be able to love you. Which I... therefore do."

Avoids or does not keep eye contact: Rick looking away or breaking eye contact with Morty. Image set of Morty calling him out:

Rick breaking eye contact while lying to Morty:

Having a preferred outfit to wear each day (can be cause of sensory issues). Rick wearing the same blue shirt for over 40 years (we see in flashbacks that it was brighter and has faded with time).

Unusual speech patterns, such as stuttering. Rick's stuttering decreases as seasons progress.

Vocal stimming (when someone repeats a specific sound or phrase to produce sensory stimulation). Some autistic children find it easier to make up their own words. Rick repeatedly saying, "wubba lubba dub dub." He will also repeat his own words (echolalia) immediately afterwards.

Delay edecholalia, scripting (when someone "saves" exact phrases and uses them later to make social situations easier). Rick (in The Ricks Must Be Crazy) remembers Morty's comment, "that just sounds like slavery with extra steps" and uses it later to try and win an argument with another scientist.

Not picking up social cues, finding it hard to understand what others are thinking or feeling. Rick making a joke and then realising the other person is in too much distress to laugh with him (has done this with both Morty and Jerry).

Rick: "You're not laughing?" (Expression changes upon realising) "Oh, right. You're dying."

Unconventional grief response, "inappropriate" facial expressions, lack of fear: Rick reacting to burying himself in a less uneasy way than Morty.

"To the point" style of social interaction. Rick often speaks bluntly and is seen as rude by other characters in response.

Rick: "Everyone, f**k off. Morty, I need your help."

Has a terrible memory but can remember ridiculously difficult information if it interests him. Rick forgets his portal gun and leaves it behind, but can remember the formula for various chemical reactions without using a reference (ending of M.Night Shaym-Aliens!).

And finally...

President Curtis referencing Rick's neurodivergency:

Rick's comment:

Rick: "I'm not touching that thing,"

Rick finding a roundabout way to let Morty know that he (Rick) also has ASD:

Rick: "Is this game popular with autistic people?" Morty: "Why would you say something like that?" Rick: "Because I'm starting to love it."

Wish I could have added more examples, but 30 images is Tumblr's current post limit.

(I understand that the potential meme joke by OP is that the "NOT YOU" image is of Rick from season 1, versus his markedly changed characterisation in season 5-onwards, that focused more on coding Rick as neurodivergent.)

I hope this has been in some part educational for a few readers. Happy Autism Acceptance Month.

But now for the disclaimer bit: Don't take it from me, learn more about ASD.

#tumblr won't let me add links sorry.#rick and morty #my text #storytelling #neurodiversity #long post

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fandomwe1rd0 · 6 days

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This fucking episodeeeeeee. I cry at it, it's not even supposed to be a sad episode, just seeing Morty so upset...it breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. Rick just can't let Morty have a life outside of him, the fact that he literally made a whole ass plan, and destroyed so many planets just so Morty will stay with him forever and never get a life outside of him is already fucking sick, I don't fucking care if he has abandonment issues due to what happened with Diane, nothing will ever make this ok.

He manipulated Morty into giving up his dreams, and as if that wasn't bad enough, he's shown to not even feel any guilt about it, he actually seems to be fucking proud of it, smirking and winking to the camera as if he did some cool badass thing. Yeah, manipulating your grandson into giving up on his dream because you're a pathetic old man who's afraid of losing your only real close friend. Soooo cool of you. We all think you're sooo awesome.

He never shows any guilt towards any bad thing he does to Morty, he does bad things to Summer, but he is shown to feel guilt in season 7 episode 3 "Air Force Wong" where he lashes out at Summer then after she leaves he looks to the floor and says "Sorry..." He's manipulative to Beth for the first few seasons, and even he's shown to feel bad for it at the end of this fucking season where he says "Holy shit I'm a terrible father." He's even shown to feel bad for how he treated Jerry, I can't remember the exact episode but when he was using him so the pleasure is pain guys can make fun of him, and you can see him looking down in guilt multiple times. Really the only time I can think of where he actually feels guilty for how he treats Morty is in "Rickmurai Jack" Where Morty asks "Did you really leave the crows for me....or did you come back because they dumped you?" and Rick just looks down and can't bring himself to answer. But other than that, he never feels guilt for how he treats Morty, he'll consistently emotionally abuse Morty, punched him in Rickstar Ricklatica, slapped him multiple times, once when he was having a panic attack, caused so much damage to Morty's psyche in Vat of Acid, and manipulated him into giving up his dreams in this episode, all with no guilt. I know he genuinely loves Morty, and I really can't blame Morty for not believing that seeing how he treated Morty in season 4 alone, he does eventually get better and treats Morty actually like an equal in season 7, but Jesus fucking Christ, I love Rick I really do, but he was a monster in season 4.

I just really wish we got to see the effects of Rick's abuse on Morty, but it's always just swept under the rug so Rick, the abuser, can heal. It's not fair. Rick deserves to heal, but Morty deserves to heal too, and doesn't deserve to get his trauma ignored so his abuser is more sympathetic. Justice for Morty.

#rick sanchez #rick and morty #morty smith #rick c137 #rick #and #morty #Justice for Morty #justice for my boy

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yamada-ryo · 2 months

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Thoughts on Disco Elysium:

Went into the game completely blind other than the obvious "inner speech characterisation" thing and the following

The game calls you a centerist if you don't pick a political stance

Our lucky racist will grant you 3 wishes

Lamby

There's something with this Cuno kid

Drove his own car into the sea

Kim Kimball Kitsuragi

And that's it

Thoughts:

Grabbed the horrific necktie so quick I didn't even do the skill check and was wondering why the tie wasn't speaking to me

I thought the inner monolouge voice was his actual voice. Until the karaoke part.

Loved how the game lets you call yourself Raphael as an option at every point in the game despite multiple characters calling him Harry. I never once made him call himself Harry.

I didn't believe the ex wife thing one bit. Still don't. Genuinely think it's just part of his mind acting up. After all if he forgot everything how can I trust that this one supposed memory of his is real

Didn't drink or use speed at all. Bought one pack of smokes just to set the paint on fire.

Didn't go after any women because I thought he was homosexual by default and was wondering when I could romance Kim (didn't know homosexuality had to be unlocked first)

^also why I didn't buy the ex wife thing one bit. That and half light insisting that I don't pursue the thought

"A major part of being a communist is arguing with other communists"

The part about the game developer being fired from his own company

Died in the chair about 5 times because I didn't know the number above the health bars was the number of heals I had at the time (2) and not an indicator of my maximum health (also 2). Also didn't know how to heal

Bought about 20-25 health pills just to tank the ruby encounter only for her to run away before I used most of it

Lady who bought the pawned gun straight up didn't spawn. Like I could hear the police sirens at the spot where she was supposed to be but there was no one there

I thought Kim would get shot no matter what but apparently not. Raphael got shot in the leg and Kim was hit on the head

Softlocked myself from the ice cream maker machine and had to forget a skill to retry it

Didn't buy any dice or sneakers or speakers

Didn't know it at the time but I learnt indirect modes of taxation and had the +1 shoes on so I was getting 2 real every time I talked to someone and had more money than I ever needed

Gym guy (sunday friend's friend) actually noticed I was wearing the hat I knicked from his room which was cool

There is no way Cunoesse's last name is actually "vittu"

Royalty free alternate universe Karl Marx

Measurehead finally got off the gangway and it turns out you can't even press the button. And the box behind him there all this time only had 1.10 real in it. SAD!

The fact that there even is an option to shoot Cunoesse

Was hoping Kim would wear the matching PISSFAGGOT jacket (he didn't)

Ran about shoeless on the first day. Found the balcony shoe just before debreifing with Kim. Then found the shoe in the starting room.

Thought there would be more to Contact Mike but no Raphael just confuses one poor girl about it

Didn't buy the map until day 3 and didn't figure out how fast travel worked until day 5

Is the expression rigor mortis? Did he have The Expression during all that? Even the gunfight?

The pawn shop owner is the only character that responds to you having a torch in your hand. Also cool detail where if the cursor is in front of Raphael the torch will shine in the direction of the cursor

Paid 20 real for the motel room first thing in the morning before I realised I had free accomodation for the night at the pier

Not much to say about the harbour since my screen fucking died

#test

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mazyb0i · 2 months

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Someone on Reddit tried to say that Rick only truly loves Beth, and to prove them wrong, so here I am!

tldr:

Character analysis of Rick Sanchez from an autistic fans point of view, understanding his attachment styles.

He'll do anything for BP, if season 6 proves anything, it's that he'll die for BP. He literally admitted to loving him, which I have not heard him tell or say about anyone before in the show. When

he does say stuff like that it is significant. Bird person is the only character on the show he has been openly genuine with.

If season 7 proves anything, Pers is the only one that can sneak up behind him and grab him out of nowhere without getting some snarky comment, mean look, or a left hook. They both care about each other deeply, that is clear. Rick was extremely

upset by the wedding with Tammy. Rick told the bird person how much he respected him more than anyone, even when he contradicted himself by saying nothing matters, he wanted to be with Percy. He wanted to travel with him and spent every moment with him.

"Then why did you help me?"

"I respect you, and I wanted you to know that you could respect me too."

" But if nothing matters...?"

"You matter! You matter to me."

"Uhhh- Rick... the relationship we have-"

"I never used that word!" - Rick (denialism)

It's funny how after this he calls him a judgmental dork, and not something much harsher.

"Why the fuck are you risking your life for that asshole!?" - Memory rick

"Because, you love him."

"You do maybe, but I don't."

"Yeah, yeah, you're real cool. Now, come help me save his life or fuck off, because I don't need you.

(Very much so loves BP.)

"I'm sorry Rick, but we cannot choose the ones we love" - Pers

"You got that right! Why do you think I'm still fucking down here!?"

Birdperson mentions that he would be dead if it wasn't for Rick, this also accounts for multiple times now since he brought BP back to life recently. Rick has stuck his neck out for the man so many times contradicting his "nothing matters" front, because that's what it is, it is a horrible coping mechanism to ignore your problems and pretend they don't exist because 'nothing matters'.

Its a problem that I have and I'm working through in therapy myself, it's called Denialism. Because 'if you shut yourself out from the world and your problems, then nothing can hurt you, and they don't exist'. You convince yourself you're in control when you're not, you have the least control, and it fucks you up. Rick isn't truly and fully nihilistic, or else literally nothing would matter to him. He makes sure to keep his Morty alive, he constantly brags on about how he can just get a new family, but he has the same Morty that he's had since the beginning and sticks his neck out for him as well.

"No, Morty. Because you were too afraid to tell me. What we had was abusive, don't you see? I'm a bad partner, because I never made you a true partner."

"I was afraid if I jumped in a hole you would just stand there and watch me, you wouldn't even jump in after me!" -Morty

But then Rick in season 1 literally jumped in after Morty when he fell through the garage floor into the Schrodinger's cat void.

"Be good, Morty, be better than me."

And when Rick starts crying at his memories of Morty in season One, but he refrains from expressing it so that Morty does not become, as he puts it, "cocky" (denialism)

I would also like to point out I feel like in the later seasons he starts calling Morty 'buddy' more?? he's a lot nicer to him than he used to be, and just recently allowed Morty to hug him without pushing him away, actually hugging back. He's also stated that he respects summer very deeply, which if he says that about someone, it really means that he does. He sees his Diane in Summer, and he also implies that summer is like a cat, her affection and respect needs to be earned; unlike Morty's dog like affection that is just given away. But we also hear Rick say that Morty reminds him a lot of himself when he was younger, this implies a lot of parallels.

Memory Rick brought out a lot of Rick that we didn't see previously, a person who wasn't fully tainted by the lack of treating mental Health issues, coping issues, unhealthy attachments, and all the other things that led up to Rick being the way he is. he said his heart broken so many times, he's been backstabbed, he is very hurt person. This doesn't excuse all of his actions but is a very good explanation and reason for why he is the way he is and the way the human psyche copes with it's environment to protect itself. it's like walking up to a caged animal with a taser, these are his defense mechanisms, it makes him look like a dick on the outside but currently it is the only thing that he knows how to do on instinct for protection, and that's why he's in therapy. This is why I believe he's genuinely trying to get better, he can get along with his therapist more than ever, even if he has sly remarks he genuinely listens to Mrs. Wong.

"I don't like being told where to go or what to do. I consider it a violation."

"There's a lesson here, and I won't be the one to figure it out"

"I don't discuss problems, I incinerate them"

"It was charmingly analog. For a sec, you kind of made me like myself." - Mem Rick

"You'll grow out of it." - Rick

He resents his younger self for helping him and makes sure to mention that he "grew out" of his ability to like himself, Rick has some extreme self-hatred. it's hard to fully love someone or Express a healthy relationship when you can't even have a healthy relationship with yourself.

"You act like you're the one that got stabbed in the back!" -Morty

"Because I AM THE ONE, Morty. You wanna know why I replaced myself in the beginning of that stupid knights of the morning sun thing!? I SAID don't take the fucking sword! And you were like "Whatever", like I'm our neighbor Jean or David Arquette or something!! You called me boring! I've become dog shit to you! That's what happens when you let people in and they stop respecting you! They touch your shit, they screw things up, they KILL your fuckin family! Go ahead and trust them, you're gonna learn the same fuckin thing." -Rick

#character analysis #rick and morty #rick sanchez #birdrick #rick n morty #birdperson #morty c137 #rick c137 #summer smith #dr wong #therapy #mental health discussion #analysis #character development

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hazelnut-u-out · 1 year

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EPISODE REVIEW TIMEEE:

(contains spoilers for "a rick in king mortur's mort")

i actually really loved that episode. i've been so fucking starved for morty content that this was really nice. i loved the callbacks, parallels, and contrasts that were drawn pretty clearly between this episode and "the vat of acid episode." TVOAE is actually one of the episodes that makes me the sickest to my stomach. it's so unsettling and bone chilling to watch.

this episode, on the other hand... this felt earned.

(perhaps because of my morty bias and the fact that i've gotten basically no morty this season, buuuuut...) i'm giving this one a 10/10???

wow... didn't think i'd go that far, but uhhhh... yeah. i went there.

it just mastered the art of parallels, callbacks, and development beautifully.

my initial thoughts, as always:

(this is a long one… yk how i am with morty…)

-morty acted so much like early-series rick at the beginning that i was honestly a little bit ready to accept that part of his character progression is becoming a mini-rick. to be honest, i still see that being a possibility, but this was... not exactly that.

he still took the sword for a reason early-series rick would have instead of a classic "these guys seem cool" morty reason ("oh shit these other guys want the sword so now i want the sword, even if i'm jaded and cynical about it"), and it almost felt like the "rick and morty" dynamic was flipped a little bit- as in, morty being the rigid jerk and rick being berated verbally for a second. that being said, morty was still childishly excited about being a medieval knight and it was cleared up that morty was only being rude to rick initially as a trauma response. he expected rick to abuse him, but that wasn't the case. when he realized he was safe, he let his guard down.

(look at him sulking in line awww)

-RICK USING MORTY PET NAMES. RICK USING MORTY PET NAMES.

i think a little part of me melted when he called morty "lil junebug."

SHUT THE FUCK UP- i am so unwell. so mentally normal about that.

i genuinely cannot believe that's a canon nickname rick uses for morty. that. is. so. cute.

just the sweetest lil pet name.

(plus grandpa rick putting a hand on his lil junebug's shoulder, because why not?)

-OMFG RICK APOLOGY?? like genuinely?? oh my god??

i mean... that was still kinda dickish lol. "i'm gonna intentionally do the least amount possible to actually change, but make you feel like i am."

you know what, though? bc of the fact that this is essentially a follow-up to TVOAE, i'd say the entire premise of this ep WAS change, and highlighted that... so i'm giving the undercut a pass.

-i also liked the subtle callback to the "auto park feature" with the sword "fighting deacon frost." i liked that morty didn't think it was cool, but it didn't trigger some insane reaction in rick.

he's just like, "i dunno... i thought it was cool... :(" and he moves on.

-"holy shit, this is who i am to this kid?!... i've gotta fix this!"

and then he... actually puts in the work to better a real human connection instead of manipulating morty to keep him pliant?

wow.

-like i said, rick is still being a fucking dick here and there in the convo, but i'm genuinely proud of him.

-i'm also so happy for morty. this must have been such a healing experience for him. god. he's been through so much. shoutout to the writers for not putting him through more emotional abuse for fun.

-another bit that made me think that morty is slowly developing into a little rick was the moment where he uses a science lecture to ruin the knights' faith in their culture. during that whole sequence, he does sound a lot like rick...

-SPACE BETH CHILLING WITH HER GIRLFRIEND, GUYS.

-RICK BRAGGING ON MORTY ABOUT THE LITTLE LECTURE! THE HANDS ON THE SHOULDERS! EVERYTHING!

this reminds me of an ask i answered a little bit ago where i talked about rick being morty's primary caregiver. this episode felt a lot more like a father/son type development than a grandfather/grandson.

i get that the rest of the family was proud of morty, but rick was the one saying "hey! this is the little dude i'm raising! look at him go!"

-i was a little nervous that morty was going to kill/let rick kill the knights, which would have meant that he's veeeery similar to rick now, but he chose not to. that was a nice touch.

-(i thought the little moment where jerry was like "what's happening? appliances are breaking that i haven't touched!" was funny hehe..)

-i thought it was sweet that rick got the meeting's attention just to give morty the floor.

-i wasn't a fan of morty begging rick to stop supporting him, though. it felt like punching the underdog character with his own fist, but i guess i like it better in hindsight because it shows yet another trauma response. morty doesn't trust himself AT ALL. he thinks that by doing this his way, something will inevitably go wrong. damn.

-i also liked the little details about how witchy rick can be, haha. first, we see him ACTUALLY bend down and read the bones himself, then the witchcraft penis? that was a nice touch. rick definitely has an interest in witchcraft.

-(one of my favorite songs as a kid was "ruby tuesday," and i got so excited that the montage song was a cover of it, but... alas... no.)

(i just thought mort looked cute here lol)

-THE HUG? (of course they had to make it less heavy with the "we're gonna make your dick so fake," comment, but it's so nice to see rick hug morty and try to calm him down.)

-TELEPATHY? WHAT THE FUCK? THAT THREW ME SO HARD I GOT WHIPLASH.

-shit, man....

"i love you."

"i love you, too..."

-as soon as morty asked rick if he was a robot/clone, i was on the edge of my seat, chewing my lip, biting my nails, pulling my hair- waiting for the reveal that he was, but...

they didn't fake us out! hey! :)

(will say that the "this family has enough clones and robots in it" comment did make me a lil nervous, bc we KNOW of a clone, but... uhhh... who's the "robot"?)

-one of my biggest issues with "rick: a mort well-lived" was that marta stayed in the game, meaning that the only part of morty that heard rick say he loved and respected him didn't join with our morty. it bothered me that our morty didn't get to hear that.

i'm so happy that they fixed that this ep. MORTY HEARD RICK IS PROUD OF HIM. MORTY HEARD RICK LOVES HIM. i hope this is the "morty gets the grandpa he deserves" beginning. i'm loving it, and hope it's far more than just 22% of the time.

overall, AHMAZING EPISODE! kinda sad we had to wait until the end of the season to get a decent in-depth exploration of morty, his current character, and his reaction to rick's healing, but i'm so glad my boy got his apologies. he got his "i love you." he got his "i'm proud of you." he got is hug.

he got his autonomy.

congrats, lil junebug.

hope ya get more <3

#rick and morty #rick and morty spoilers #rick sanchez #morty smith #a rick in king mortur's mort

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quietbluejay · 2 days

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The Buried Dagger 1

OKAY mortarion time ….i forgot this was the book with purple prose and i had to go back in terror to make sure I didn't accidentally buy a McNeill novel again i did not, this is thankfully (?) someone else

I'm trying to figure out what about this pushes it into "Wow Edgy" rather than being genuinely compelling well actually this isn't too bad, to be honest, it's really the next bit which is that the population of ynyx (and WHAT a name) doesn't have mouths "the cold ember of his familiar, obdurate resentment" I feel like I'm being unfair to the book by feeling bathos instead of pathos but i think it's that everything is so over the top

wait what year was this written Mortarion is literally breathing in the chemicals 2019 I'm now going to suffer from the belief that the writer of this was listening to Radioactive (due to this plus some other things) and now I've got it stuck in my head

i want to take this seriously but i just can't, I'm sorry no one understands meeeeeeeee owo uncomfortable memory surfaces

i will say this, the prose is quite evocative

ok so mort has a giant chip on his shoulder and is an enormous misanthrope but just about every single person who has ever been in a position of authority over him DOES just use him as a tool

boy did he choose the wrong side of the war

tumblr has poisoned my mind regarding "the horrors" so it feels like "every day mortarion gets emails" mortarion: hm maybe i should get rid of the daemon and also all the stuff i used to summon him and go back to normal warfare

holy shit holy shit he really is his father's son also hey uhhh mortarion do you remember that whole slippery slope speech you gave at Nikaea about literally this exact topic

the irony is killing me you're killing me, Reaper of Men, and I'm not even a man the manreaper of….justice (????) is unisex oh yeah i forgot to bring it up but Mort calling Magnus an "arrogant braggant" fills my salty soul with glee

morty continues to try out for that fantasy villain role i think i'm warming up to the prose though

im breathing in the chemicals- im breathing in the chemicals- im breathing in the chemicals-

i think swallow's cd kept skipping while he wrote this

this is the third time he's breathed in the chemicals

it's totally not a ritual, honest! okay, this is a cool fight scene mortarion can be cool in a fight, as a treat

lmao

yes. this is funny to me. Mortarion is just so done with this whole thing Mort: why did i get sent on this sidequest rip typhon killstealing

mortarion would really like to be starring in a different genre oh no cursed idea my thought was "what genre would be funniest to put him in" which was followed by "this is our get-along harem protagonist" but it's mort and rob idk at the end of godblight they got yeeted my next thought was magical girl anime he's the dark magical girl's mascot creature he is having friendship! just hdu call him and the magical girl friends

typhon plotting out how to ambush mortarion with a hug

uhhhhhh

typhon: yeahhhh better not bring up the Fallen honestly typhon feels like one of the most intelligent characters in the series! ….huh why weren't the dark angels at Terra

dude and then typhon internally cackles evilly like a kids show villain everything is going according to keikaku does your brain on nurgle turn you into snidely whiplash?

Mortarion what the heck

normal behaviour to go along with the poison drinking or breathing in the chemicals and breathing in the chemicals- and breathing in the okay i'll stop

literally everyone on the ship is choking but typhon that was fast owo flashback time

okay so his evil dad (the first one) sent him out with golems to fight other golem things from other evil overlords as a test of some kind this is just his entire life, huh

oh lovely like wow the only reason mortarion's alive is that he's a primarch the abuse is kind of getting to ridiculous angst-fic levels and yet the way it's written is genuinely compelling? probably because he's not actually a normal human so it is survivable and not ridiculous but it is kind of walking on that line thrown to starving dogs when he was a toddler like

this really is his entire life huh

annnnd also Necare experimented on him with poison what next did necare give him a dog and then kill the dog in front of him we're starting to get into bathos here

the last bit of this scene is, yeahh

a bit. on the overwrought side.

The book is tap dancing on the line which is to be honest, making me sad i really want this to be good :/

if it's going to go all the way into goofy, i want it to go all the way so i can mock it if it's going to be half hard hitting and half goofy it feels like im pulling back to punch a small child this book also unfortunately has some kind of subplot on earth with a bunch of rando characters and also, unfortunately, Garro

oh this is i guess foreshadowing for what's going to happen to the death guard? so garro's friend got hit by an evil knife and unlike guilliman he did not have plot armour

so garro is working with a bunch of other dudes who defected from the traitor legions secretly working for malcador oh, and a psyker ultramarine

oh wait psyker ultramarine met garro on calth??? what??? how did he get to calth and back what is a timeline (i should be fair and stop banging on about this since i have not actually read the relevant books. at least I assume this has to be covered in a book I didn't read)

oh yeah sure let's undress the catatonic chained up woman oh she's a sister of silence my beloved

okay so context she had her name and serial number tattooed under her collarbone so. i guess that was more important??? apparently??? they did not take off the chains they just snapped them off of the wall and basically pushed her to start walking you couldn't just. pick her up??? wouldn't that be faster?? okay this was funny malcador sends an illusion of himself across the planet

I'm rolling my eyes

this is the guy running the imperium

does he have nothing better to do also why give them the job in the first place if he's not going to trust them not to "creatively reinterpret" his commands

oh we're back with Teen Mort and he keeps a diary ohhh a bunch of humans are rebelling and attacking

oh it's Teen Typhon meeting Teen Mort

psychic powers time

this is not the time to get angsty also he is kind of a grimdark rapunzel huh

back in the present and apparently mort broods a lot in his room and if you interrupt him he yells at you because of course he does you're interrupting his linkin park listening bluejay note: i love linkin park so i am allowed to make this joke annnd typhon is setting up the navigators on the ship to take the blame oh he just killed them all that was fast and now they're all trapped blind in the warp and typhon is being obviously evil and according to keikaku which is visible to everyone but Mort well tbf to Mort, he's very angry at Typhon for killing the navigators so he's probably missing stuff

typhon: this lifeboat is full of leeches just trust me typhon: throws it overboard

back in the past, Mort successfully rescues the spunky teens but his dad is coming so he tells them to get out while they can and then has his disney princess song realization that it's time to stand up for himself and he'd do it all again! and face his dad! and dieeeee okay the last bit isn't disney princess …ah

ah mort: wait, that's an option??? rip his hair is getting in his eyes i hate when that happens

okay this is a cheesy line but it's working here

okay i made the joke before about mortarion being the kind of guy who likes to stand on cliffs/balcony edges and look down but i DIDNT KNOW IT WAS LITERALY DONT STARE INTO THE WARP YOU IDIOT

i. oh boy we get to see an emperor-mort interaction

i think the emperor is….actually trying here? but what the emperor is trying to say here is not what mort took from it

#warhammer 40k #bluejay reads warhammer

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dirty-bear-rick-sanchez · 1 year

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Double Dessert

Trans Morty oneshot! I was thinking of my own grandad while writing this, because he was very supportive of me when I came out but also worried about me getting discriminated against.

Also there are two very subtle Red Dwarf references in this. If anyone catches them please let me know as I will be so happy you have no idea. There’s no clear timeframe for when this is set apart from the fact the Citadel still exists but it’s not really really early on in the show.

Summary: while visiting the Citadel, Morty makes friends with another Morty whose Rick seems to be unusually overprotective. ~3.9k words. Warnings for mention of sexual assault (the Mr Jellybean scene) and its aftereffects, stressful coming out, discussion of trans stuff in terms that might not be everyone’s preference (e.g. a trans guy saying he used to be a girl), some ignorance of trans stuff (nothing hateful, just a lack of understanding), eating insects (I know a centipede is not technically an insect but you get the idea). There’s also a brief joke about Mortycest, but nothing like that actually happens and I don’t think it’s anything out of the ordinary for the show.

Disclaimer before we go in that I’m a trans guy.

Despite Morty’s much shorter strides, he keeps pace with Rick easily in his excitement to be on the Citadel. True, his grandpa might hate it, and he has his own fair share of bad memories of the place, but there’s something about the hustle and bustle that appeals to him. Maybe it’s the benefits of getting to go somewhere that clearly isn’t Earth without the risks that are usually present in the places he goes with Rick. After all, everything in this place is designed for at least one of the two of them, unlike the alien planets they visit, where even the most innocuous-seeming things could be deadly.

Rick pulls him into some sort of shop and instantly makes for a particular section. It’s clear he knows what he’s looking for, and Morty can identify the look in his eye that means he’s about to spend 45 minutes deliberating between two practically identical products. Not wanting to get involved, he wanders off alone to check out what the store has to offer. The best possible description he can find for it is ‘electronics store’, but there are plenty of items that don’t fit this category. Although the bulk of the shop is clearly intended for Ricks, he notices a small section at the back that seems to be aimed at Mortys, and wanders over, curious.

He’s looking around in interest when his eyes land on another Morty with the unmistakable expression of shock that indicates he’s never been here before. The Morty looks fairly typical, with no clear modifications or mutations of any sort. Even so, there’s something about him that looks subtly different in a way Morty can’t quite place.

“Hey, man.” he greets the other Morty, who starts at his voice, as if being startled out of a trance.

“Oh! H-hey.” the other Morty responds, his voice slightly high, like he’s scared.

“I-is this your first time on the Citadel?” Morty asks, trying to make the other Morty feel better, but also genuinely interested in having an actual conversation with another version of himself. Rick’s disdain for the Citadel means that Morty has spent fairly little time in the presence of his other selves.

The other Morty nods. “Y-yeah. Rick told me about this place, but he doesn’t really like to come here. This is the first time he’s let me come with him.”

“Yeah, my Rick’s kind of the same way. He doesn’t really like the Citadel. I-I think it’s kind of cool, though!”

“Me too! Check out this thing!”

The other Morty indicates a machine that reminds Morty of the stands at theme parks that sell photos taken on rollercoasters. On the screen are many pictures of Morty posing with various girls. Some might be real, taken in other dimensions, and some are clearly edited, but both Mortys amuse themselves by looking through the options, especially when they discover there’s a whole folder for Jessica. The machine has prices listed in a currency Morty doesn’t recognise for printed copies of the photos.

“Why would we pay when we could just take a picture on our phone?” Morty asks, pulling his phone out of his pocket and snapping a photo. When he opens it, instead of the picture he’d been expecting to see of himself with Belle Delphine, the screen shows Rick’s laughing face, flipping him off, with text reading ‘LICK LICK LICK MY BALLS’. The two Mortys spend a couple of minutes tilting their heads at the screen, trying to figure out how it works, even though they both know neither of them has a hope of understanding.

Eventually, the two get bored and turn their attention to a selection of stim toys in various shapes and colours instead. The Mortys are joking around and laughing together when they hear heavy footsteps and a Rick calling out for his Morty, slightly frantically.

“Geez, I wouldn’t want to be that Morty, am I right?” Morty quips, before noticing his counterpart’s guilty expression.

“Aw, geez, that’s my Rick. He’s gonna be mad that I wandered off.”

Morty opens his mouth to reply, but is cut off by the other Rick as he spots them.

“Morty! I-I told you not to wander off like that!”

The other Rick crouches down and takes his Morty by the shoulders in a manner that’s uncharacteristically affectionate for a Rick. His eyes shift to the side and he notices Morty. “Wh-wh-who’s this? What’ve you been doing?”

“I-I’m Morty C-137. I, uh, I actually didn’t ask your dimension, did I?”

“A-70.” replies the other Morty, at exactly the same time as his Rick snaps “None of your business.”

“Rick!” protests the other Morty. “Can you not be rude to my friend?”

“Oh, your friend? Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I was in the presence of your esteemed friend. How could I be so selfish as to worry about my only grandson, wh-when he’s busy hanging out with his friend?”

Again, while the sarcasm is very Rick-like, there’s an air of over-protectiveness beneath it that Morty finds unusual for a Rick or, at least, unusual in that it’s expressed so openly.

“Rick, come on. This is the first time I get to meet other Mortys!” the other Morty whines, and something about it seems to wear the other Rick down.

“Fine.”

“H-hey, Rick, do you think Morty could come over sometime? To our dimension, I mean.” the other Morty asks excitedly.

Rick A-70 eyes Morty suspiciously. “No.”

“What? Why not?”

“Morty, remember what we talked about? Before I agreed to let you come with me here?”

Morty’s emotions shoot between indignation and confusion and concern. He really doesn’t understand whatever is going on here. However, it’s clear that the other Morty does, as he looks down and sighs.

“Yeah.”

“Good. Now, come on, we’ve gotta get home so I can stabilise these cadmium-II coils.”

“Aw, but Rick!” the other Morty protests.

“But nothing! This is very sensitive machinery, Morty! Do you know what happens if I don’t get it home where I can store it properly in the next 10 minutes? Do you? It’ll be useless, Morty, and I’ve just paid 200 blemflarcks for it, so say goodbye to your friend.”

“Aw man.” sighs Morty A-70. “I-it was really nice to meet you. I wish we could’ve hung out some more.”

“Hey, why don’t you stay here with me and my Rick for a bit? Th-that way your Rick can go back and, and sort his stuff out, and we can keep hanging out!” Morty suggests.

“Can I, Rick?” the other Morty pleads.

“No.”

“Aw, c’mon, please, Grandpa?”

Even Morty can see the other Rick’s face soften slightly at the word ‘Grandpa’ for the briefest of moments before he scrunches it up in annoyance.

“Who did you say your Rick was again?” Rick A-70 asks, turning to Morty.

“C-C-C… C-137.” Morty stammers, something about this Rick’s harsh tone making him nervous. Recognition flashes across the other Rick’s face, and Morty worries that he might say no. But, to Morty’s surprise, he sighs and gives in.

“Fine. Where’s your Rick?”

“Th-this way.” Morty heads in what he hopes is the correct direction, the Rick and Morty of dimension A-70 following behind him. Finally, he rounds a corner and finds his Rick, exactly as he knew he would be, poring over two identical-looking products.

“Hey Rick, can my new friend hang out with us for a bit?”

“Sure, whatever, Morty.” Rick responds, clearly not paying attention. The other Rick taps him on the shoulder. “Morty, I’m trying to - oh.” he cuts himself off as he sees Rick A-70.

“Look, pal, I’ve gotta get back to my dimension and deal with these coils before they go critical. My Morty has decided he can’t bear to be apart from his new friend, so will you look after him while I jump back home?”

“Please, Rick?” Morty begs.

“Eh, sure, why not.” Rick responds with a shrug and turns to go back to his items but the other Rick catches his shoulder and stops him. Morty can see him squeezing hard enough to cause pain.

“You better not let anything happen to him, got it? I’m trusting you because you don’t trust other Ricks either, but if anything happens I will know and I will fuck you up.” Rick A-70 hisses, staring intently at Rick for a few moments before pulling out his portal gun and pressing a button. Rick’s own portal gun glows in his pocket and Rick A-70 portals away.

Rick rubs his shoulder irritably and turns to Morty A-70.

“Geez, kid, your grandpa’s a real bag of laughs, huh?” Rick snarks.

The other Morty chuckles nervously. “Yeah, sorry, h-he’s kinda protective.”

Talk about understatement, Morty thinks. It’s unusual to see a Rick act like that towards anyone, let alone a Morty, but part of him is almost jealous that his new friend’s grandpa actually displays affection for him. Morty snaps out of his reverie to see A-70’s nervous expression and quickly pushes away the thoughts to deal with later, smiling at his counterpart.

The two Mortys start to kid around again while Rick picks up and pays for what he wants. Once he’s done, Rick turns to his two grandsons.

“You kids wanna get some lunch?” he asks. Both Mortys agree enthusiastically and Rick portals them home to drop off his purchases before they get into the ship. Surprisingly, Rick remains on Earth, flying to a relatively local restaurant. Morty wonders if he took the other Rick’s threat to keep his Morty safe more seriously than he let on.

The restaurant is fairly quiet, so they don’t have to wait long to be seated or served. Rick is quieter than usual, content to scribble what appears to be blueprints on a napkin until the food comes and then wolfing it down, leaving the Mortys to their bonding. Morty is fascinated to learn what the two of them have in common and what they don’t, amazed that another version of him can be so different and yet so similar at the same time.

At first, the other Morty seems to be enjoying himself too, since it’s quite a novel experience for both of them to actually interact with a kid their own age, even if it is just another Morty. As the meal goes on, however, Morty notices A-70 start to get more uncomfortable, eyes flicking around uncertainly, squirming in his seat.

“H-hey, man, you OK?” he asks his other self. A-70 starts slightly at his question.

“Y-y-yeah, I just, I, um… I need to pee.”

Morty is surprised. “Oh, well, I-I think I saw the bathrooms just over there.”

His other self shakes his head. “Yeah, I just, I, um, I, my Rick, um, my Rick normally comes with me.”

Morty feels his eyebrows raise. “Your Rick won’t even let you go to the bathroom alone?” Rick A-70 had seemed unusually overprotective, but that seems too far for any Rick.

“N-no, it’s not that, it’s, um, I… I don’t like going alone. He comes with me… to make sure nothing happens.”

Ah. That makes more sense. Morty remembers all too well what had happened to him in that tavern in the giant courthouse steps. It had taken him a while to be able to go into public bathrooms after that, too. In fact, he clearly remembers a time when he’d wet himself in Rick’s ship because he hadn’t been able to bring himself to even enter a bathroom on one of their adventures, much less use it. He knows Rick must have known the reason because, for once, Rick hadn’t snapped at him or made fun of him for it, which, in a way, had been even worse. Still, that had been a long time ago, long enough that Morty is now usually able to use public bathrooms without too much of a problem. However, it makes sense that something like this could have also happened to this Morty, and that he’s still affected by it. That would explain why his Rick seems so overprotective, too.

“H-hey, man, it’s OK, I get it. I’ll come with you.”

A-70 seems to brighten at that. “R-really?”

“Sure!”

The two Mortys head for the bathroom. When they get there, A-70 heads for the stall, which surprises Morty slightly, given his own history, but he concludes that maybe this Morty had something happen to him at a urinal instead, or that the lock makes him feel safer, or maybe he just has to take a dump. However, A-70 comes back out almost immediately after entering.

“I-it’s out of order.” He says, wringing his hands nervously.

“W-well, hey, we’re the only ones in here. If you want me to guard the door while you use the urinal-”

“I can’t.”

“I-it’s OK, I can even wait outside if you want-”

“I can’t!” the other Morty cries. His response surprises Morty, and he flinches slightly.

“W-why?”

“Because I don’t have a penis!”

“Wha-I… d-did something… happen to it?”

“No, I never had one!” A-70 is getting increasingly frustrated and Morty doesn’t understand. “I-I’m transgender.”

“You’re a girl?”

“I was a girl. Not anymore.” A-70 responds, looking at the floor, one arm wrapped across his chest, clutching his opposite arm. “I-I thought you knew.”

“N-no, I-I didn’t realise. Sorry, man.”

A-70 doesn’t respond, and Morty feels himself talking nervously to try and make the situation better. “Can’t you, like, use the women’s?”

A-70 grimaces at that, and Morty knows he’s said the wrong thing. He panics more and keeps talking.

“O-or, hey, I think my Rick has a centipede you can swallow that eats your pee! D-do you want me to ask him?”

The other Morty nods, and Morty thinks that he must really not want to use the women’s if he’d rather swallow the centipede. He doesn’t understand, but he doesn’t want to make things worse for his other self. He places a hand on A-70’s shoulder.

“C-come on, let’s go ask him.”

A-70 seems hesitant. “W-w-what are you going to tell him?”

This stuns Morty. “Uh, that you need to pee but you can’t because the bathroom is out of order?”

“You won’t tell him that I’m… trans, will you?”

Morty blinks. “Why not?”

“My Rick said I shouldn’t tell people. He says they might try and hurt me.”

“What? Come on, it’s Rick. You’re his grandson. He doesn’t care if you’re different to the other Mortys. There’s Mortys that are cowboys a-and hammers and all sorts of things.”

A-70 seems a bit more willing but still worried. “OK. B-but can we at least ask him in private?”

Morty smiles reassuringly at his other self. “Sure thing, man!” A-70 smiles back at him, weakly, and he feels a slight sense of relief.

As they walk back to the table, Morty sees A-70 holding his hands together at his solar plexus, exactly the way he does when he’s nervous. No matter how many other versions of himself he sees, he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop being amazed at the similarities.

They reach the table and Rick looks up at them.

“R-rick, can we talk to you outside?”

Rick’s eyes flick between the two Mortys, trying to work out what’s going on.

“Fine.” he gives in after a few seconds, standing up. The three of them walk outside to where the ship is parked.

“Wh-what is it, Morty? I-if you’re about to ask if you guys can go somewhere private so you can masturbate with twice as many hands, fine, but at least wait until I’ve had dessert.”

“What? No!” Morty exclaims, shocked by the suggestion. “No, Rick, I… do you have the centipede?”

This seems to throw Rick off his rhythm. “The… centipede?”

“The pee centipede. The one that you swallow it and it makes you not have to pee.”

“Oh, that. I-I mean, sure, but didn’t you just go to the bathroom? What do you need the centipede for?”

“It was out of order.”

“What? No it’s not. I used it earlier.”

“The stall is.”

Rick’s expression is a mixture of confused and exasperated. “It only eats pee, Morty. If you have to take a dump, y-you’ll just have to go in the bushes or something.” he waves vaguely in the direction of some nearby bushes.

“No, Rick, it’s not for me. It’s for A-70. He can’t use the urinals.”

Rick eyes A-70 questioningly. “Why not?”

Morty pauses, looking at A-70, not sure whether he should tell Rick or not.

“I-I don’t have the… equipment.” A-70 mumbles, gesturing vaguely towards his crotch.

Rick shrugs and tosses the centipede to A-70, who catches it and chokes it down in a way that tells Morty this isn’t the first time he’s done this. Poor guy must really not want to use the women’s if he’s voluntarily choosing this option instead.

“So, you have an accident, or you just never had one?” Rick asks, casual as ever, pulling his flask out from his lab coat and sipping from it. Despite having already swallowed the centipede, A-70 chokes again.

“Rick!” admonishes Morty. “Y-you can’t just ask that!”

He regrets his outburst immediately, worried that it makes the answer obvious. He’s never had a Morty friend before, and he doesn’t want to lose this one.

Rick shrugs. “Why? I-it’s not a big deal, Morty. You think I’ve never met a trans version of you before?”

“There’s more like me?” A-70 exclaims.

“Sure, there’s loads, in both directions. Plenty of Ricks who thought they only had granddaughters just to learn they actually had a grandson, or vice versa.”

“Why did you - why did my Rick never tell me?” A-70 seems shaken.

“I-I dunno, kiddo. Maybe he never met any. N-no offense, but your Rick, I don’t get the impression he gets out a lot.”

“Will you take me to meet them?” A-70 asks.

“Oh. I mean, I-I guess I could. I don’t exactly know their dimensions offhand.”

“Hey, yeah, y-you could like, form a club, o-or a support group, or something!” Morty suggests excitedly.

“Psh. La-ame!” Rick snorts. Morty shoots him a disapproving look, and he quickly backpedals. “What? Everything you’re into is lame, Morty. A-anyway, I want my dessert, c’mon.”

Rick ushers them back into the restaurant and Morty notices his other self seems much happier and more animated. He decides not to comment on the fact that Rick lets A-70 order first, or the fact that he lets him get both options when he can’t decide between two. The rest of the time passes pleasantly, much more so than usual, and Morty can’t help but feel a tiny prickle of jealousy at the fact that Rick is rarely so nice to him. At the same time, he’s enjoying having a good time with his grandpa, enjoying actually having a friend.

A few times, he catches Rick staring in the way he recognises to mean that Rick is doing something inside his own head. Once they finish, Rick pays, and they walk out of the restaurant before portalling back to A-70.

That dimension’s Rick is sitting on the couch, idly channel-hopping through interdimensional cable. However, his expression and the speed with which he gets up when he sees them betrays his nervousness.

“H-hey, buddy. Did you have a good time?” he asks his Morty, ruffling a hand through his hair as Morty A-70 runs into his arms for a hug. Again, Morty feels a familiar pang of envy at their easy affection. He wonders if this Rick was more affectionate with Morty when he thought he was a girl, and the habit never broke, or if they’re simply closer than he and his Rick are. He thinks again of the way his Rick treated this Morty earlier, but quickly pushes the thoughts away to deal with later.

“Rick! A-apparently there’s other trans Mortys! Can we go and see them sometime?” Morty A-70 asks, and his Rick visibly stiffens.

“What did-” he begins, but Rick cuts him off, pressing a spot in his temple where Morty assumes an implant is hidden.

“I’ve sent a list of coordinates to your portal gun, if you want to check ‘em out. T-they’re split by gender, depending if your Morty wants to just meet other guys or not.”

The other Rick doesn’t look pleased, but his Morty grins massively.

“Thank you, Rick!” he exclaims, and his Rick’s expression softens as he sees his Morty’s happiness.

“C-come on, Morty, we’d better go.” Rick turns to him, waving off the other Morty’s gratitude.

“O-OK, Rick.” Morty turns to his other self. “I-I had a lot of fun today! We should do this again sometime! I’ve never been friends with another Morty before!”

“Yeah!” the other Morty replies enthusiastically, grinning at being called a friend. He turns to his Rick. “Can I, Rick?”

Rick A-70 looks at his Morty’s pleading eyes, then at their counterparts. “I guess so.”

“Yes!” the other Morty punches the air.

The two Mortys wave at each other as Morty steps through the portal with Rick. They emerge next to the ship and both get in.

They fly in silence for a few minutes while Morty tries to decide if it’s worth spoiling the happiness with his question.

“What is it, Morty?” Rick sighs.

“Wh-what?”

“I can tell you’re building yourself up to say something. Just spit it out.”

“W-well, I, um… you were really nice to that other Morty.”

“Weird way to thank me for paying for a meal for you and your friend.”

“I just mean… why do you never do that for me? You’d never let me get two desserts.”

“How else should a grandpa react to his grandson’s coming out?”

“C-coming out?”

“Coming out, like out of the closet? C’mon, Morty, you must’ve heard that one before.”

“I-I have, I just… would you do that, for me, if I came out?”

“If you came out, sure. Why, you got something you want to tell me? Or you just want double dessert?” Rick looks at him expectantly, and Morty isn’t sure how to respond.

“D-did you say there’s girl Mortys? Like Mortys like me who… became girls?”

“Sure, Morty. I-i-is that really such a shock to you? Ah, what am I saying, you had your mind blown by a cowboy version of yourself.”

Morty takes a moment to think. “So… it would be OK if I was one of them? If I wanted to be a girl?”

“Boy, girl, anything else you can think of, whatever you want. Y-you’ll still be the same pain in my ass either way.”

Morty feels a small smile spreading across his face. He knows what that means in Rick-speak. And though he’s never given much thought to his gender identity before, it’s nice to know that he’ll be accepted whatever happens.

The jealousy he feels at the thought of Rick A-70 openly worrying about his Morty, hugging him casually, treating him like a grandson instead of a problem still needles at him, but it’s easier to ignore in the warm glow of acceptance. He knows it’s something that will come back to haunt him at the worst moments, usually when he’s trying to sleep or shower or when he and Rick have an argument, but he hopes that thinking about gender will occupy his mind enough to keep his thoughts from drifting too far towards the negatives for a while.

#rick and morty #rnm #rick sanchez #morty smith #trans morty #trans morty smith #trans #transgender #rick and morty fanfic #rnm fanfic #my fic #my writing

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dannystheone · 1 year

Text

The Guys Play ‘Interronation’ (Main Four South Park Tickle Fic)

Hey guys omg I know I haven’t been active but my current hyperfixation is South Park and I’m in LOVE I haven’t been this sucked into a fandom since like Rick and Morty I think LOL

So in this fic the boys are their kid selves, but there’s the usual swearing you can expect, but nothing sexual, no shipping or anything (not that I have a problem with shipping! It just doesn’t show up in this fic :))

I HOPE YOU ENJOY AAA I LOVE THEM

WARNINGS: KIDS SWEARING!! and one anti-semitic comment lol

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“HAH! You picked it up again, Kenny! Go directly to jail.”

“Whmph themph! Womph themph fumph...” Kenny muffled as he angrily moved his shoe piece to jail.

“Dang Kenny, better luck next time. Alright, my turn.” Stan picked up his dice as Kyle’s bedroom door burst open.

“YOU GUYS!! YOU GUYS, SERIOUSLY!! I JUST SAW ‘THEE’ COOLEST THING EVER ON TV!” Cartman rumbled through the Monopoly game in progress, scattering the cards and game pieces all over the board.

“Aw Cartman, you fucking idiot! That was a good game!” Kyle exclaimed. Kenny giggled behind his hoodie at Kyle’s anger.

“Are you kidding Kyle?! This is way BETTER than any Monopoly game you’ll ever play.” Cartman stood before the guys as they still sat around the discarded game.

“Well what is it Cartman? Was it a new Terrance and Philip episode?” Stan asked, genuinely curious. Cartman shook his hand to clear their questions.

“No no no, listen! I was scrolling through the TV and I found the history channel. They did this thing to people back in the day called ‘interronation’ and the people tell you any information you wanna know!” Kyle stared at Cartman in disbelief.

“You ruined a perfectly good Monopoly game for that?” Cartman rolled his eyes at Kyle’s question and splayed his hands in explanation.

“I’m saying we can do it to each other and it’ll be totally cool and rad! Here, clear the board game and shut the door.” The guys knew better than to try and convince Cartman otherwise of whatever is going on through his head. Stan cleaned up the board game by shoving all of it under Kyle’s bed, and Kyle stood up to close his bedroom door.

“Alright, Kenny, you’re gonna be the guy being ‘interronated’. You’re gonna lay down on your back and we’re gonna sit on you.” Cartman explained. Kenny furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head.

“Whmmph? No waymph!” Cartman sighed and directed Kenny to the center of Kyle’s bedroom floor.

“It’ll be fine Kenny, don’t be a pussy. You’re gonna lay on your back and we’re gonna sit on you, and I’m gonna give you a password. All you have to do is not say the password no matter what we do to you.” Kenny looked around to Stan and Kyle. They now looked as curious as Cartman did.

Kenny let out a grunt as he obeyed and laid on the floor, his orange jacket shuffling against the carpet. Kenny spread his arms; Stan sitting on his right arm and Kyle sitting on his left arm. Cartman leaned in and whispered a password to Kenny that Stan and Kyle couldn’t hear before taking his seat on Kenny’s legs. Kenny winced at his weight.

“Take it easy fatass, before you break Kenny’s legs.” Stan remarked.

“AYE! Shut up! Alright, now all we have to do is ‘interronate’ Kenny and get him to say the password.” Kenny looked a little worried. He tried pulling on his arms and legs, but he could barely move.

“Cartman, this is a little gay.” Kyle narrowed his eyes at the fact that three guys were sitting on one dude.

“It’s not gay it’s gonna be fucking awesome! Okay, 3, 2, 1, GO!” Still unclear about what they were supposed to do, Kyle and Stan watched Cartman launch into squeezing Kenny’s sides over his orange jacket.

Kenny let a surprised muffle of sound before squeezing his eyes and squirming on the floor. “Mmpph!! Mmmhmhm!” Stan followed suit by silently scritching in Kenny’s armpit, which made Kenny buck underneath the three of them.

Kyle watched in disbelief.

“Cartman! You didn’t say this would involve any tickling!” Kyle grew flustered at the sight. Kenny giggled and pulled underneath his friends, but he couldn’t get any register.

“What’s the big deal Kyle, it’s just ‘interronation’! We have to get the password by ‘interronating’ Kenny like we’re spies!” Cartman explained while grabbing Kenny’s sides. He wasn’t a very good tickler, he just knew how to grab and pinch. Stan had a bit more method though, with Shelly being his sister.

Stan looked up at Kyle while spidering his hands over Kenny’s armpit and ribs. It seemed to be a good spot.

“Yeah Kyle what’s up? Do you have a problem with tickling or something?” Kenny’s eyes were squeezed shut as he leaned to Kyle’s side to try and get away from Stan.

“Nohmhmhmhm! Sthmhmhmph!” Kenny’s muffled laugh rang in Kyle’s ears.

“N-No, there’s no problem. I just wasn’t expecting ‘interronation’ to be so childish, that’s all.” Kyle started scratching in Kenny’s right armpit and kneading in his ribs. Kenny squealed underneath his hoodie while Cartman gaped at Kyle.

“How is this childish Kyle?! It’s fucking awesome! Look he’s about to break at any second! We just need to find the right spot-” Cartman started poking and prodding all over Kenny, making Kenny flop around like he was getting electrocuted.

“Tell us what you know, criminal!” Cartman yelled out, and settled at Kenny’s hips, prodding quickly and tazing into the bare divets. Kenny wanted to crawl into himself as he bucked his waist, his threadbare Converse drug against the carpet.

“Okahmhmph! Imph Terramph Amph Phillimph!” Kenny called out the password. Cartman cheered as the boys stopped tickling Kenny.

“Yeeeah, we did it! Wasn’t that cool you guys? We made him say the password!” The boys got off of Kenny; Kenny’s blonde hair matted over his forehead.

Stan pat Kenny on the back. “Yeah I guess. How do you feel Kenny?” Kenny caught his breath, a small blush dusted over his cheeks. He shrugged his shoulders.

“Eh, imph bettem than dyingm.” The boys laughed at Kenny’s joke, glad there were no hard feelings.

“Alright, who wants to go next?” Cartman asked.

“Cartman this is stupid. And it makes us look like fags. Is there anything else we can do?” Kyle remarked while folding his arms.

“Goddammit, it’s not fucking gay Kyle!” Stan looked around at the other guys before raising his hand in a nonchalant way.

“I can go. I mean, I don’t think I’m that ticklish, so it’ll be harder to get the answer out of me.”

“Oho, we’ll see about that, Stan. Kenny, you sit on Stan’s right arm cause he sat on yours.” Cartman directed. Kenny let out a muffled ‘okay’ and did as he was told.

“Here’s the password Stan-” Kyle held a hand up to Cartman’s chest and looked to Stan.

“Wait, I have an idea. We can use interronation to get information out of people right?” Cartman nodded, not quite following what Kyle’s logic was here. Stan was now a little uncomfortable as he felt the weight of each boy settling on his arms and legs, securing him in place.

Kyle turned to look down at Stan, his face as blank as stone.

“Stan, what happened to my Red Mega Man that went missing right after you visited my house last time? And it just so happens that the Red Mega Man is the only one missing in your collection?” Stan’s eyes went wide as he started struggling underneath his friends.

“I- I don’t know Kyle. You said you lost it, remember? We- We tried looking for it everywhere but we couldn’t find it!” Stan became increasingly more nervous as it seemed he wasn’t convincing Kyle. Kyle’s eyebrows furrowed as he started kneading into Stan’s tummy. Stan jumped and started laughing immediately.

“That’s the answer we came up with, but I’m not convinced! I think you stole it!” Kyle accused, with Stan giggling in the background. Stan’s laughter filled up the room, unlike Kenny’s muffled laughter.

“Aw dude sweet, this is just like how it was in the TV show! Kenny, start ‘interronating’ the suspect.” Cartman started looking for tickle spots on Stan, while Kenny prodded along Stan’s ribs.

“Kyhyhyle I didn’t steheal it! I swear! You sahahaid you lost it!” Stan’s giggles petered out as he was prodded with the hands of all his friends.

“I don’t believe you Stan! I had my Red Mega Man right before you came over to my house, and as soon as you left, I can’t find it anywhere!” Kyle removed his green gloves and started to wriggle his fingers in Stan’s open armpit. Stan snorted and squeezed his eyes shut in laughter.

“Hmm, after calling me a piggy after all these years, seems like you were the little piggy Stan~ Kyle, make him snort again.” Cartman commanded.

“Shuhuhut the fuhuhuck up fahahatass!!” Stan retaliated, yet snorted again against his will. Cartman started arguing at a laughing Stan about how he wasn’t fat while Kyle angrily tickled his best friend. Kenny accidentally found one of Stan’s most ticklish spots while dotting around Stan’s upper body with his fingers. Kenny’s fingers brushed past his connecting rib between his armpit and his ribcage. Kenny dug in and surprised himself with the reaction.

“GAH! Kennehehey! Gehehet ohohout of thehere!” Stan’s fists balled up as he retreated from Kenny’s side of the carpet.

“Kenny what spot is that? I wanna see if I can get him on this side too.” Kyle asked, Cartman poking along Stan’s waist and getting dangerously close to another spot.

“Imph thm highemph ribmph im himph rimbcamph.” Kenny answered underneath his jacket. Kyle grew a sinister smile as he cracked his knuckles.

“Kyhyhyle dohohon’t dohoho it! I didn’t steheheal the Mehehega Mahahan!” Stan’s eyes were squeezed tightly in his laughter. Cartman turned to Kyle and nodded his head.

“Do it Kyle. The bastard totally stole your Red Mega Man. Your Red Mega Man is living in the same house as the kid who jacked off his dog and didn’t wash his hands after.” Cartman added more fuel to the fire as Kyle dug in to the same spot Kenny did. Stan spazzed on the floor as both bad spots of his were getting targeted.

“KYHYHYLE!! Stohohop plehehease!! Okahahay okay okay!! I stohohole it! I stohole yohour Mehehega Mahahan! I’m- I’m sorr-EHEHE!!” Cartman found another one of Stan’s ticklish spots during his confession. He squished Stan’s upper thighs, making him pull and buck as hard as he could muster.

“Hmm, alright that’s enough. He said he stole it.” Kyle waved the guys hands off Stan as he caught his breath, and curled up in a ball on the floor.

“You fucking bastard Stan, you knew I was looking for it and you pretended to help me? But you knew you had it the whole time?” Stan was suffering from residual giggles as he could feel his friends fingers brushing past his skin.

“I- hehe- I’m sorrehee- You left it right out in the open so I thought you didn’t care about it that much-”

“If I was looking for it for over an hour then OF COURSE I care about it, dickstain! If I don’t have it back by tomorrow, I’m gonna kick your ass!” Kyle absent-mindedly switched places with Stan, as he now took the middle position of the group.

“Oh thank you Kyle, for volunteering yourself to be the next person to be ‘interronated’.” Cartman expressed as he took his seat on Kyle’s legs. Kyle’s eyes flew open as he was late to find out what was happening.

“Woah woah woah! I-I didn’t volunteer myself! I don’t wanna be ‘interronated!’” Kyle pulled on his legs as Kenny and Stan pulled his arms apart to sit on his elbows.

“What’s wrong Kyle? Nervous after how you treated me, huh? You know I actually have a question of my own.” Stan loomed up over Kyle, Kyle now wearing a nervous face.

“Wamph! I hamve a quemphon!” Kenny raised his hand excitedly. Stan gave him a sideways glance.

“Kenny save your question for Cartman’s turn. Kyle, did you ever have a crush on Wendy Testaburger? I knew you said you didn’t try to impress her when we had to take care of our eggs, but I’m not convinced.” There was a drawl to Stan’s voice, as if he knew he was using Kyle’s words against him. Kyle sagged against the floor at the impossible question. He could say no to this question all he wanted, but it would never convince Stan unless he gave him the answer he was looking for.

“Of course not Stan, I never had a crush on Wendy. I don’t even like her!” Kyle pleaded in his voice, but Stan wasn’t having it. Kyle’s heart started to beat. The boys would soon find out that Kyle was the most ticklish one in the group really fucking quick. He’d have to hold out as much as possible.

“Uh oh Stan, looks like he’s lying. You know what we do to liars around these parts, don’t you Kyle?” Cartman, always the instigator, butted in. All three boys stared down at Kyle. He swallowed nervously.

“W-Wait a second! Give me another question, that isn’t even fair! Stan you know I never had a crush on Wendy and I never will!” Kyle pulled on his arms as Stan’s hands started to slip under Kyle’s jacket.

“Damn, trying to steal Stan’s woman Kyle? That’s totally not cool. Stan, you should show him what happens when you cross a Marsh.” Cartman butted in once more.

“Cartman shut the fuck- uhuhuhup! Stahahan stohohop!” Kyle shook with laughter as Stan gripped his fingers all over Kyle’s freckled tummy. Cartman and Kenny followed suit and started tickling the usual spots, but on Kyle the reactions seemed to be doubled.

“Stohohohop!! I’m- I’m seheheherious!” Kyle’s eyes narrowed in his high pitched laughter.

“Ohm, hemph som timplhish!” Kenny remarked brightly. Stan started squeezing around Kyle’s belly button, which Kyle let out a shriek.

“Tell me, Kyle! Tell me you had a crush on Wendy!” Stan actually was interrogating Kyle at this point, which filled Cartman with a sadistic glee, to see Stan and Kyle bicker and to see Kyle in such a predicament.

“Oh, did you hear that Stan? Kyle totally called you a pussy!” Cartman instigated.

“YOU SAID WHAT?! I’LL KILL YOU!!” Stan growled and started kneading into Kyle’s ribs. Kyle let out a cry of half pain and half unabashed laughter.

“NOHOHO!! He’s lyhyhyhying! Cahahartman I’m gohohonna fuhuhucking fihihhight yohohohou!!” Kyle let out. Kenny kept his tickling to a minimum. He knew what it was like to die of laughter, and he didn’t want to subject that to Kyle. Cartman and Stan were having fun hearing Kyle in such a state.

“Oh oh, did you hear that Stan? I belieeeeve Kyle just said you’re a pussy whipped cuck who has no chance with Wendy, you have a better chance with your sister Shelly!” Cartman was having an incredible time watching Kyle flail and pull on his limbs to escape. Cartman started kneading into Kyle’s waist and thighs while Stan dug into Kyle’s sides.

“Shut up Cartman, he didn’t say all that. Come on Kyle, say you had a crush on Wendy already and this can stop.”

“Unleph hem limph it.” Kenny interjected. A lightbulb appeared over Stan’s head.

“Ooooh, that’s it huh? You’re not letting up cause you like it, Kyle? Just admit it! You admit liking getting tickled and you liked Wendy!” Kyle was experiencing too many things to answer. Stan’s hands sped up under his jacket, making Kyle laugh so hard his hat was knocked askew from his head.

“I dohohohon’t lihihihike gehehetting tickled!! Ahahand I dohohohon’t lihihihike Wendeheheey! Plehehehease Stahahahan!!” Kyle shook his head back and forth to try and throw the tickles off of him, but that just knocked his hat off his head. His ginger hair was unleashed; his velvety curls splayed all over his carpet.

“Oh come on Kyle, if you just admit that you like it, it’ll stop. The fact that you’re nooooot admitting it leads us to believe you like it afterall...” Cartman reasoned with Kyle.

“Duhuhuhude nohohoho wahahay! STOP! STAHAHAHAP STAHAHAHAN!!” Kyle belted out his laughter when Stan fluttered his fingers over his bare ear. Stan scribbled all around it, his fingers getting lost in Kyle’s red curls. Kyle was sent into a spiral of silent laughter.

“Ohp, you’re killing him Stan. Welp, that’s one less Jew to worry about, I guess. Heh heh heh.” Cartman snickered while Stan rolled his eyes and lessened up his tickling.

“Alrihihihight! Alright stohohop nohohow please! I ahahahadmit it! I lihihihike tihihihickles ahahahand I like Wehehehendy!!” Kyle blurted out. Stan waved everyone’s hands away as soon as Kyle uttered his confessions. Kyle’s heart beat quickly as he lay on the floor breathless.

“Aw sweet! I got that on video!” Cartman had a shit-eating grin on his face while he replayed Kyle’s laughter filled confession. “Oh I’m totally turning this into my ringtone.”

Kyle turned to Stan while he still laid on the floor.

“S-Stahan, I don’t like Wendy, I never did. I only sahaid it, so it would stop-”

“I know dude. I just wanted to get you back for how you had me before.”

“What?! But you actually stole something from me! It was what you deserved!”

“Yeah well-” Stan shrugged. “-Now I know you’re crazy ticklish, so I can tickle you whenever I want.”

Kyle sat upright and dove after Stan, Kenny backing up from the fight.

“You bastard! I’ll kill you!” Stan and Kyle started rumbling on the carpet, while Cartman got up and broke them apart.

“Hey wait a minute! I never got a chance to get ‘interronated’!”

Kyle and Stan stared at him blankly.

“....Dude, nobody wants to tickle you Cartman.” Kyle remarked.

“Yeah nobody wants to tickle you, fatass.” Stan agreed.

“What the-” Cartman sputtered as he looked to Kenny, and Kenny just shrugged.

“Well fine! I didn’t wanna get ‘interronated’ anyway! I would have outlasted all of you guys and I would have been the coolest guy in the room! Well now you don’t get a chance! Screw you guys, I’m goin’ hooome!” Cartman left Kyle’s room with Stan and Kyle still on top of each other.

Stan got off of Kyle and turned to Kenny.

“Well, that was the gayest thing I’ve ever done.” Stan claimed.

“....Wanna play Monopoly again?”

#south park #south park tickles #lee kenny #lee stan #lee kyle #ler kenny #ler stan #ler kyle #ler cartman #danny writes

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thesoftboiledegg · 2 years

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"Night Family" was a solid episode. The previews made me think it would be some creepy horror or existentialist episode (with everyone wearing matching pajamas, I thought it might end up being a simulation), and I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't the case. The "zombie" family that surprises Rick when he's sleeping was more funny than scary.

Anyway, I love how Rick caved at the beginning just because Summer sighed and looked annoyed. This and "Bethic Twinstinct" have made it clear that Rick can't say no to his girls.

Also, damn--this has really been Rick's season so far. I suspected that because the trailer and a lot of the still images focused on him. I'm not complaining, but Morty hasn't had much to do. Even "Mort: A Rick Well Lived" was kind of iffy because it wasn't really "him." How many lines did Morty even have in this episode?

Rick and Morty had a couple of cute bonding moments, though. I totally thought the podcast scene would be from "Full Meta Jackrick." What IS that episode about?

Summer saying "I'm sorry, Rick, but your opinion means very little to me" was a brilliant callback to Rick's infamous season one line that dudebros have repeated a million times. It's basically the canon version of "I'm not arguing, I'm explaining why I'm right." (He never says that?? Stop putting it on T-shirts!) Five seasons later, Summer's throwing it right back at him.

This season has had a lot of good callbacks to previous episodes, especially Mortynight Run, which is actually one of my favorites. They're fresh and relevant to the plot instead of nostalgia-based, like "Haha, remember Mr. Meeseeks? Here he is!" Say what you will about Rick and Morty, but this show understands that memes have an expiration date.

As far as the jokes go, I'll reiterate what I've said in another post and say that season six just...isn't funny to me. This episode had some funny jokes, like Rick angrily squirting ketchup all over everyone's plates, but it also had obvious jokes that have been done a million times.

Like--ha ha, the police car plunges into a "gasoline factory" that doesn't exist in real life and just makes the situation worse. Rick would rather fuck everything up than clear his plate before putting it in the sink--yeah, I saw that coming.

I did think that Jerry writing letters to himself was cute. I wasn't a Jerry fan before seasons five and six. He's still not my favorite character, but since he's starting to drop the whole "dopey dad" routine (tbh, I think it was an act because he stood up for himself when he really wanted to), his "cute" moments seem genuine because he's not pretending to be the innocent, downtrodden husband as much.

I also loved the scene where Rick greets the device when he walks past the table in the morning. This show is great at capturing human moments like that, better than a lot of "realistic" dramas.

But yeah, overall--it's not going to go down as one of my all-time favorites, but "Night Family" is decent. It's interesting to see how the writers handle the no-portal gun challenge that they've set up for themselves. This episode has a lot of great Rick moments and focused on him more than I thought it would, plus some cool visuals and animation tricks, like Rick jumping from the police car roof in slow motion. Summer was hilariously badass. Don't fuck with Summer.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #jerry smith #summer smith #morty smith #night family #review

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coltrainbat · 2 years

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You’re Mine

Summary: Your FWB Chris Evans likes you more than you think.

Word Count: 2957 Pairing: Chris Evans X plussize!reader / curvy!reader

a/n: First time publishing my work! There’s more if you want it. I saw a gap in the market and wanted to fill it (no pun intended).

Disclaimer: All characters and events written, even those based on real people are entirely fictional are no representation or comment of said characters in real life.

Warnings: SMUT MINORS DNI. 8k filth, sub! kinda, daddy kink, overstimulation, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, biting, praise kink, rough sex, orgasm, cum play, P in V, horny af!ChrisEvans, dom!Chris, squirting, Boston accent, cellulite, stretch marks

You lay in bed with your FWB of 3 months now, Chris Evans. For some reason now the whole experience was absolutely mortifying to you. You had a normal 9-5 and never thought moving to LA for an amazing work opportunity would lead you to become the anonymous girl who fucks a celebrity on the side. The whole thing was made worse by the fact you started to catch feelings. Your deluded-self lead you to believe you were the girl he was going to somehow ditch the playboy lifestyle for. But you reason that he didn’t exactly help the situation. For his cocky charming on-camera demeanour, Chris was rather reserved, he’d blush when you’d look at him for a little too long, he’d never rush off after one of your racy nights spent in either hotel rooms or his house, he brought you coffee more than once and knew your order by heart. He had depth, seemed genuinely interested when you went on and on about; your work and its inner complexities, your minor conflicts or misadventures in your day, the books you were reading or the artists you adored, your philosophy on life and your insistence that Rick and Morty is the most genius show ever.

But maybe he was just very clever about the way he operated.

Although you noticed how comfortable it got when your toothbrush lived at his sink, your favourite tea was stocked in the cupboard, tampons in the bathroom drawer, the keypad to his house became muscle memory and Dodger would wag his tail and race around your feet whenever you walked in.

And Chris noticed it to, a pair of your underwear in his laundry, a strand of hair on his sweater, the intoxicating scent of your perfume on his pillow. He’d chuckle to himself at the recent memory of you, inhaling the pillow with force.

At first, it was comical, this dirty secret you kept from everyone, family, best friends, roommates. You’d walk out of a club from a late night, a smug smirk on your face, after getting that routine call from Chris at 3am, growling on the phone for you to get your ass to his. You’d wish everyone a brief farewell and book an uber to his house.

The security who manned the fort into the gated community knew you by name now. Giving a terse smile as they held in a major Hollywood secret. You always thought about if whether there were other girls who’d come on other nights? What did they look like? Did security remember their names as well? They probably had a log titled “CHRIS EVANS FUCKBUDDIES” with all our names and numbers, maybe even a numbering as well, if one girl got too cocky and showed up unannounced so they knew “who to send away” or “Who to not let in if one was already in” you thought to yourself one night as you said hello through the rolled down backseat window.

Of course, this was all a theory in your head, to keep you grounded to the reality of the situation, you weren’t special, and he was using you just as much as you him for some good fun and a cool story to tell the grandkids. You kept it straight during the periods you weren’t together; you’d only ever come when he asked, he always texted or called first. Yet, he made it difficult with the sporadic Dodger video or a selfie of him on set. You rationalised he would do a mass message and they weren’t personal.

The anxiety built up as you played ping pong in your head with the idea of him. You grew tense under his touch, he forearms draped over your waist, supporting his weight with his other arm as he hovered to his side, slightly shadowing over you. He was tracing the outline of your lace bra, generously stretched by the sheer mass of your FF breasts, they were real but didn’t sit up perfectly without support like the fake ones do. They sagged lightly down your chest with a gap separating them down the middle, you hated how you had to push them together with endless supports to get them to be friends and show the truth effect of their mass.

His hands then trailed down to your stomach, using your protruding stretch marks as a road for his fingers. He dipped into the crevices of your rolls smoothing along your skin down the path to where your belly curved outwards like a protruding pregnant lady hanging just so lightly over your public bone so you could still see the tips of toes looking down. His hand gliding along your thigh, finger pads landing softly in the dimples of your cellulite.

You didn’t hate your body by any means taking any chance to show off your luscious curves in tight clothes. But you were often taken aback by Chris’s interest in it. Of course, you stalked him, read the gossip sites, knew his type, the ones you could crush in an instant if you put your weight on them. They all worked in the industry, talented singers, models, or actresses. You didn’t understand the months away on set or crazy schedules. You weren’t that but he wanted it anyways.

“What’s up sugar?” He said in his thick Boston accent, hoping to get a smile out of you. You never had a good poker face and the scowl on your face thinking of his exes was probably obvious. But what right did you have to get jealous or ask? With your budding feelings you didn’t see it a good idea to get into deep and end up heartbroken by an A-Lister. You patted the sheets next to you, looking lazily to your empty side, sighing in response “Oh nothing… was just thinking how many other girls get to sleep in this bed?” you trailed off, avoiding eye contact.

Chris looked shocked and when you looked up to his eyes you could see a little hurt behind them as his mouth curved into a hesitant smile,

C: “None actually.”

Y/N: “Oh really?” you feigned in a shocked manner.

C: “Yes, really… you’re the only one and frankly, I’m happy with that.” He responded in a matter-of-fact tone.

Y/N: “I don’t believe it.”

C: “What’s not to believe?”

Y/N: “Why don’t we take a look at your exes for one.”

C: “Haha fine… they were nothing like you I can tell you that much.”

Y/N: “But that’s the point, Chris, they are nothing like me, they look nothing like me!” The insecurity in your voice pinged. C: “Yes correct, and that’s why they’re my exes, the public ones at least”.

It set in, that this was a classic case of good enough to fuck but not skinny enough to show off publicly you heart broke a little at the thought. You didn’t feel like a good secret anymore.

C: “Every single one lacked what you have that’s why I’m in bed with you and not them and I can even tell you why.”

He took your phone, googling “Complete Chris Evans relationship history”

“God, I feel like such a douche typing that.” he chuckled handing you the phone.

He perched himself on the chair beside the bed, his bare chest on display, the tattoos on his pecks barely peeking out behind his crossed form arms, veins protruding down the length. His hairy legs cross over as he leans back, a smirk planted on his face.

You scrolled to number one,

Y/N: “Ok here, Jessica Alba, 6 years!! What happened there?”

C: “I was young, stupid, didn’t want to settle, she’s married now, I’m with you, case closed.”

Satisfied with that answer you moved onto the next one…

Y/N: “Minka Kelly, 6 years, broke up once.”

He scoffed at the mention,

C: “If it didn’t work the first time, it’s not gonna work the second time then it’s definitely not going to work a third time.”

You went on.

Y/N: “Christina Ricci?”

C: “One-night stand, shit happens, wouldn’t do that again too old.” He chuckled.

Y/N: “Jenny?”

C: “Mid-life crisis, next.”

You were becoming less sure about your womaniser theory as the realisation of Chris’ actions set in. Maybe you weren’t another girl? Maybe all this pushing away and distance done to protect your heart wasn’t the best way to go about finding out if someone likes you or not.

Y/N: “Hmmm ok but what about Alba?”

This one was the closest in dates to you and she was exactly your opposite.

With his elbow now resting on his knee and his hand to his mouth, he quickly made a flinging motion, “small fling didn’t trust her.”

“Ok well...” You didn’t get to finish before Chris rolled his eyes, ripping the phone out of your hand in a swift motion, tossing it across the bed.

He crawled towards you on the bed, pinning you to the mattress, trapping you in between his arms as his palms pressed into the bed, nuzzling his prickly, 2-day old shave against your neck.

Your gasp at the sudden action was quickly followed by a light giggle at the tickling sensation on your sensitive spot.

“All you gotta know is that right now and hopefully for a long time to come you’re the only girl I want in my bed.” He purred in your ear.

“Why’s that Evans?” You egged, needing all the reassurance you could get right now.

“Oh, you want to go fishing now do you? Alright fine let’s go fishing!” he challenged in a tone much louder than his soft whisper before you, you squealed as he grabbed your hands pinning them above your head. As he pecked your sensitive neck with wet kisses.

With every soft kiss on your neck, he’d follow with:

“You’re funny”

kiss

“You’re witty”

kiss

“So incredibly clever” he trailed

Kiss, kiss, kiss

“Fucking sexy”

A long suckle of your neck

“And these, omg god these fucking tits will be the death of me”

He moaned as he buried his head into the valley your breasts.

He trailed his kisses back up to your neck towards your mouth but stopping short pulling back to take in the sight of you. Your lips slightly agape, hair lying in a mess on the pillow, your pale chest flushed with redness from the sudden assault.

“And that smile, every time I catch it, I think I fall a little more in love with you.” Your heart skipped at the sudden confession.

His eyes fell darker as he looked down at your plump lips, placing a soft kiss that made your breath catch in your throat.

You quickly regained yourself as he pulled away, letting the silence of the moment sit between you two first, “I don’t think you’re too bad either Christopher.” you smirked.

He delved the kiss deeper, as his tongue tried to travel down your throat, savouring the taste of you.

He roughly grabbed your waist, trying to pull every inch of you closer to him. His knee went between your legs, spreading your thighs with his force. His hand snaked towards your core as he beckoned his fingers around your panties. You raised your ass to assist as he raced to slide your panties off your thick legs and gorgeous calves. He kissed from your big toe all the way to your inner thigh, taking his time as he sucked, nibbled, and licked at your fleshy skin, leaving red marks fading in your porcelain skin. You moaned at the heat from his mouth giving you goosebumps on your skin. His placed his long tongue flat onto your seeping heat. Clasping his mouth onto your thick lip, suckling on the thick flesh, savouring in your musty cunt.

He cooed between your thick thighs,

“This is my pussy and my pussy only baby.”

“Give daddy all your juices baby.”

You withered under his tough, trying to squirm under his forceful grasp at your thighs, forearms wrapping around your delicious thick ass barely managing to make his fingertips reach your inner thigh due to their mass.

He continued his assault on your sensitive core, but you yearned for his thick member, to feel his heartbeat through his cock pulsate inside of you. Never have you so badly wanted to feel the gush of creamy cum fill up your hole.

“Daddy… please... I need it.” you moaned, pulling at the root of his fluffy hair, stirring a muffled moan from him.

“Hmm what was that baby… you want your cock?”

Your. Cock.

He was all yours, he wanted you just as badly, knowing he had finally worked up the balls to go for the girl he’d always needed and wanted.

He had been such a coward before, he feared the stability that came from settling, unable to fathom that at his age he found his perfect woman – too good to be true but he couldn’t bare to push her away.

He stressed whenever she didn’t reply, anxiety that he fucked it and you’d want nothing to do with him.

He thought you were too good for this lifestyle, you deserved privacy and protection, a normal life, but God knows it’s a crime to deny anyone else from seeing someone that beautiful.

And now he’d have to share her with world, worry that they won’t see what he does and will tear you down to a shadow of yourself, or you have every man and his wife thirsting over her, guys younger than him, who don’t have grey specks in their beard and newspapers calling him the “Eternal Playboy”.

He hated that title, fuck does he worry that you would brush him aside feeling like he’d treat you any less than you’d deserve.

He was never going to let you for a second doubt that he wasn’t grateful to have you.

He grabbed his thick member in his hand, rubbing over the tip, not like he needed more lube your cunt was literally pouring, and he hadn’t even made you cum yet.

Rubbing his swollen tip against your wet entrance, he loved watching your squirm and squeal under his touch.

“Open your eyes baby, I want you to see me stretch out that tight, fat pussy.”

You popped your head up meeting eye to eye with Chris, his mouth on yours. He motioned his eyes between you two, his cock slowly moves between your folds.

The force of his head breaking against your walls. You’d fucked many times before, but you were still getting use to his sheer size. But when he bottomed up on your cervix it’s like his cock was made for you - filling every each, on your hole.

He spent a moment just stagnant inside of you, wanting to savour the heat of your cunt, the feeling of you beneath him, just his.

“Please Chris… daddy… fuck me I need it.”

“Yeah baby… does that kitty want daddy?” Without warning he started his vigorous thrusts.

The aggressive thrust caused you to move up and down the silk sheets, your moans getting jaggered. You managed to choke out a daddy here and then, but Chris was doing all the talking:

"Yeah, you like that cock baby? That’s your cock, all yours baby.” As he continued hitting your cervix.

His hand reached down, determined to make you cum, as his thumb whirled around your swollen clit.

He bowed his head, his mouth open, popping a nipple into his mouth as he bit the nib ever so slightly to cause a sudden jerk reaction. He sucked on your nipple and swirled his tongue around your big areolas. Loving the surface, he could cover with his tongue.

You felt the coil in your stomach tighten as the heat rose from your canal. Chris felt your walls tighten around him knowing you were close.

"You gonna squirt for me baby? Come on... come on your cock baby, only you can cum on daddy’s cock... God you’re so good for me baby. “

With the final verbal encouragement, Chris gave you all the praise you needed to release on his cock, knowing after this you will have to change the sheets. You soak through them pushing Chris out with the gust of liquid flowing out of you.

“God baby… we are gonna have to get you a squirt blanket.” He chuckled shoving his cock back in… he wasn’t done with you yet.

His thrusts became sloppy and less catered to you. His grip had tightened on your hips, snaking both his hands to grab the heavenly plump bounds that was your ass as his nails dug into the flesh. His eyes were shut and his face scrunched up, pink lips parted as he focuses on his orgasm. Enjoying the feeling your pussy gives you.

“Oh fuck!” he twitched inside of you. “Are you close daddy? hmm? ready to fill me up with my cock?” You egged on his impending orgasm impatient to feel him inside of you, he twitched more as you continued. “That’s its daddy… cum for me.” Chris twitched for the last time and exploded inside you, his seed filling your hole, you wanted to always have him in you. You loved this feeling. He collapsed on you relaxing his weight onto your curvy body. Enjoying the built-in pillows, he has now all to himself. Once you knew he was done you tried to move away from his tight grip.

He muffled into your boobs “Don’t move… I want my kids in you.” You blushed at the thought.

“I love you so fucking much.” he leaned up and kissed you.

“I love you too.” Finally letting you move.

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