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kreweleaderbuuru · 4 years

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Part 3 baybeeee i realised that the babies I use more often these days werent included. Annoying elaboration that doesnt matter under the cut

Sex

Self explainitory

Gender:

Self explanatory

Build:

Singrid: The most in-shape member of her family. She’s very enthusiastic about honing her skills with her hammer, carving canoes with her bare hands, and punching sharks in the face.

Grunt: The grunt has been working on building muscle, but her years of starvation and abuse have left her permanently stunted.

Algor: Despite being absolutely fuckall massive, he’s not too interested in honing his physique. He’s got some scholarly chub on the way.

Poom: Actually more muscular than you’d give him credit for- though still malnourished and spindly. His baggy clothes are in part to hide a very embarrassing hourglass figure.

Height:

Singrid: Just a few inches shorter than her brother, much to her dismay

Grunt: Shorty due to malnutrition

Algor: Fuckall massive

Poom: Comes from a pretty tall family, but just so happens to me the shortest member of that family. He thinks he’s shorter than he actually is.

Handiness:

Self explanatory

Intelligence, Scholarly:

Singrid: While Singrid was offered the same education as her brother, she struggled with even the most basic concepts. At a certain point she decided her job was just to carry heavy equipment. Living proof of nature vs. nurture.

Grunt: Scouted by inquest recruiters as a child. The Grunt was subjected to the standard foot soldiers ‘education’ within the Inquest. It wasn’t all that great, but it wasn’t like she could leave.

Algor: Personally tutored by his adopted asuran father- surpassing the potential of even some asuran peers in Rata Sum. Living proof of nurture vs. nature.

Poom: Got along okay in school, enough to Graduate Dynamics with above average grades. His true passions lie in paranormal investigation, which isnt as revered in Rata Sum. People just assume he’s crazy.

Wisdom:

Singrid: Would look a grenade launcher down the barrel as she’s trying to figure out how to fire it.

Grunt: What the Grunt lacks in formal education, she makes up for in sheer experience. She’s worked on just about every Inquest base the Megakrewe allows such a low-ranking agent, and tangled with more bizarre magical creatures than most norn hunters will in their lifetime.

Algor: Algor began making supply runs in greater Tyria when he was sixteen, allowing him to come into his own as a traveller and genius.

Poom: Easily distracted and has a nasty habit of sharing his conspiracy theories to the members of the organisations he suspects. Common sense is not amongst his strengths.

Education:

Singrid: Technically a ‘drop out’, seeing as her father gave up on teaching her alongside her brother. However, the special attention Ruffik can give Singrid while Algor is away has convinced her to give his lessons another go.

Grunt: Didn’t so much as ‘graduate’ as she was drafted to punishment detail. Her propensity for disaster and mayhem did not make her school days enjoyable.

Algor: Greatly exceeded his father’s expectations.

Poom: A decent student, but easily distracted by his true passions.

Social Ability:

Singrid: Dreamed all her life of leaving the Far Marina Base to party all through Tyria, only to suffer from extreme social anxiety. She’s since found happiness on the peaceful ice caps, content with her few friends and family.

Grunt: Pretty amicable, if you can get over the whining and increased likelihood of the bar burning down.

Algor: Still relatively uncomfortable in his own skin, but growing out of it.

Poom: A highly contagious affliction and subsequent quarantine has given an already antisocial oddball agoraphobia. Poom has slowly been taking steps to be more comfortable with people, and can at the very least venture outside without a panic attack.

Perceptiveness:

Singrid: Sensitive, painfully sensitive, so sensitive she becomes overwhelmed in large gatherings. Is one of the few people who can really understand Ruffik’s emotions at any given time and could be mistaken for a mind reader when it comes to people she’s close to.

Grunt: Despite her attempt at an aloof bounty huntress persona, the Grunt is mostly in wilful denial. She knows whats going on, why it’s going on, and how things will probably end. She’s very bad at pretending not to care.

Algor: His time outside the Far Marina Base has taken him from clueless hermit to what is average teenage boy. He still doesnt understand girls, though.

Poom: Absolute dogshit at reading social signals, to the point of being near debilitating. His friends have to intervene to keep him from being beaten up half the time.

Readability:

Singrid: There are two Singrids: The one who is comfortable and knows the people in the room, and the Singrid who is in public and trying to keep from crying. You wouldnt expect the firey young norn from the FMB to wilt so easily in a crowd, and you’d be wrong.

Grunt: Any attempts to hide her emotions are humorously in vain. Its lucky her partner, krewemate, and totally-not-boyfriend is painfully dense.

Algor: Can put up a pretty convincing stoic front. It’s when he opens his mouth the youthful bravado comes spilling out.

Poom: His high anxiety and odd mannerisms make him an open book. An open book in a language you cant read, but nonetheless open.

Introvert/Extrovert:

Self explanatory

Sexuality:

Singrid: Straight

Grunt: Straight

Algor: Bisexual

Poom: Pansexual with a male preference

Romanticism:

Singrid: Straight, Monogamous

Grunt: Straight, Monogamous

Algor: Biromantic, Open to Polyamory

Poom: Panromantic with a male preference, Monogamous

Romantic:

Singrid: Has a massive crush on her childhood friend, but he’s painfully oblivious.

Grunt: Hopelessly in love with her partner, friend, and krewemate, Anakk. Even though they live together, work together, provide each other with emotional support, and sleep together exclusively, they insist they are not in a relationship.

Algor: Would do anything for a partner to share his intellect, but is still too insecure to ask anyone out. There’s also the size factor- none of the other apprentices so much as reach his knee. That ‘tragedy’ is a bit romantic in its own right- according to him.

Poom: Is oblivious to romance, and hasnt had the best track record. His last relationship ended in nothing short of catastrophe, he’s still too ashamed to face his ex to stay long in Rata Sum. This has kept him rather guarded when it comes to relationships.

Affection:

Singrid: Very touchy. Will shamelessly pick up and snuggle anyone she cares about.

Grunt: Has a pointed distaste for ‘mushy stuff’ and goes out of her way to avoid any intimacy that could be construed as romantic.

Algor: Mostly only hugs his sister. Was more cuddly as a kid, but since the growth spurt he worries about accidentally crushing people.

Poom: Has gone three years without touch due to his affliction. Avoids touch like the plague so as not to become overwhelmed.

Disposition, Outwardly:

Singrid: Whether she’s in full swing or shyly hugging the wall, Singrid comes across as a friendly, if not rough around the edges- young norn.

Grunt: Affable and friendly until things go wrong. They’re usually going wrong.

Algor: Knows how to be polite in public. Snarks on occasion.

Poom: Absolute bastard of a man. You know this. Why even ask.

Disposition, Inwardly:

Singrid: Pretty neutral on people as a whole. Gets irritated easily, and doesnt have any kind words for people who make her uncomfortable.

Grunt: Is far more effected by her past than she lets on. The grunt is generally distrustful to strangers and spiteful to those who hurt her- even a little.

Algor: Has a healthy dollop of teen angst.

Poom: One of the more kindly people you’ll meet, once you get past his eccentricities. Genuinely doesnt want to upset anyone, and is a die hard pacifist.

Petty:

Singrid, Grunt, Algor: All petty little drama queens.

Poom: Will put up with a lot of bullshit, so long as you dont press one of his triggers. Can only really muster the energy to hate one thing at a time. Usually tries to solve ‘misunderstandings’ when they come up.

Sanity:

Singrid: Crippling social anxiety

Grunt: PTSD

Algor: He’s fine, honestly.

Poom: Autism, PTSD, Depression, Social Anxiety, Agoraphobia, probably more.

Freindliness:

Singrid: She knows who she likes, and isnt particularly eager to make new friends.

Grunt: Finds it relatively easy to get along with people, especially if theres alcohol involved. She has a strange habit for attracting the affections of much larger and more powerful beings. Anakk, her skyscale Mr. Bastard, and the hulking inquest abomination Brukk, to name a few.

Algor: Able to chat up strangers so long as he’s not feeling too self-important. He’s growing out of that bit, though.

Poom: Absolutely desperate for validation. Can and will join a cult if he’s not claimed.

Stoicism:

Singrid: Will break pretty easily either from her anxiety or by getting too excited about a cool rock.

Grunt: Attempts are made at stoicism. They are laughable.

Algor: Is prone to teen melodrama. He’s growing out of it, though.

Poom: Will go home and cry for stepping on a bug.

Grace:

Singrid: Her training in the harsh Far Marina conditions have made her an adept warrior.

Grunt: Prone to disaster.

Algor: Is actually quite a talented dancer when no one’s watching. One of the ways he tries to stay in shape between studies.

Poom: If he’s not knocking something over, he’s putting his foot in his mouth.

Stubbornness:

Self explanatory

Bravery:

Singrid: Despite her issues with crowds, she’s run after icebrood twice her size with nothing but a dagger. Has wanted to cultivate an epic legend ever since she was a kid.

Grunt: Complete snivelling coward.

Algor: Will run from conflict as easily as he runs from a spider.

Poom: An almost destructive lack of self-preservation.

Loyalty:

Singrid: The few companions she has, she aims to keep.

Grunt: Wont die for the ship, but will save her favourite pirate.

Algor: Still has somewhat naive opinions on teamwork in a krewe. It’s almost a good thing he’ll likely never be in one.

Poom: Not a lot of people understand him, those that try are greatly appreciated. Even people who dont try, he’ll gladly meet half way. Even if you dont even like him at all he’s got your back. Even if you’ve just spit in his mouth he’ll-

Lawfulness:

Singrid: Does what she wants. If that means breaking some heads, she’ll do it. If it means drinking tea and brushing up on her knitting, thats her glitching right!

Grunt: Rules are for people who don’t regularly get hit by lightning.

Algor: Painfully naive.

Poom: The rules suck, but he gets in trouble enough as it is without provoking others.

Attitude:

They’re all edgy assholes lol

#singrid #algor #poom #the grunt #guild wars 2 #gw2 #norn #asura

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saeyoungs-sunflower · 4 years

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Matchup for @nad-zeta! (Milestone Celebration)

Zeta, my sweet sweet Zeta, here’s your matchup! You have been such an angel, both in your patience and your general loveliness.💛 I’m sorry it took a little longer than expected, but I hope it was worth the wait! It’s pretty long (~3000 words lolllll) so it’s all under the cut. Sorry, I got carried away! :’) xx

So, without further ado, based on the information you gave me I matched you with...

Saeyoung!

take care of my bby pls

I feel like I need to say that I kept going back and forth between him and Zen. Zen was a VERY close second, so I kinda half match you up with him too. That being said, there were some things you mentioned that made me lean more towards Saeyoung, which will be explained below :))

Reasoning & General Headcanons!

“🥰 i am a aries, infp, ravenclaw female 🦊”

An Aries you say...?

Need I say more? Absolute chaotic duo. The energy is buzzing, and the people you hang out are always amused by your shenanigans.

As an INFP, you are caring, loyal, and sensitive, which are traits that I believe Saeyoung would benefit from in a partner. He also hides his true emotions well, so someone with your personality type would be able to pick up on the signs that he is feeling low, even if he tries to hide it. Your loyalty and devotion also helps him feel secure, which considering everything he’s been through, is something I feel he would struggle with, particularly in the early stages of a relationship.

On the flip side, Saeyoung is also incredibly loyal. And whilst he does joke around and tease, he knows how sensitive topics and comments can affect someone, so he is never careless, especially since (as an INFP) you often take things to heart. As a team, you work well together because you view the world slightly differently. You’re an idealist, whereas he’s a realist; you focus on the big picture, whereas he has an incredible attention to detail. This is really helpful in difficult conversations, big decisions, plans for the future etc, because whilst your opinions may differ, you offer the other a different side of the story. You get the best of both worlds!

I don’t know my Harry Potter houses very well, but from my memory and a quick Google search, Ravenclaws value knowledge and are wise, intelligent and witty. Sounds familiar? ;) i mean wise is debatable lol. Your conversations are sooo interesting and natural, because you’re both very intelligent in many ways.

“i am pretty shy and difficult to get to know (apparently it took me 2 months to start opening up to my friends, ooops), i tend to bottle up my emotions, my friends would likely describe me as incredibly stubborn, gentle, kind, over dramatic, goofy and fun loving. I am pretty aloof and blunt, like i will 9/10 times tell you to your face how if feel about you if you ask 🙈once u are part of my inner circle i am playful, teasing, i am an extremely sarcastic person that makes snarky remarks under my breath and my kind of humor is a bit of dark and self deprecating.”

Okay, this was one of the key things that made me match you with Saeyoung. A huge reason why I love Saeyoung so much is that there is a high level of comfort in a relationship with him. By that I mean that he is so open and fun that there is literally zero judgment. Judgment is such a foreign concept to him in this kind of situation. He makes you so comfortable that it’s so easy to be yourself around him, and it doesn’t take long for him to get to know you.

GIRL HE’S THE SAME. The king of bottling up his emotions. This means that y’all know when something is up, you can see the signs. You are understanding of each other, so discussions happen and actions are put into place before things become too much.

Saeyoung sometimes just needs to be told when he’s being a lil prick. You are kind and gentle when he needs it, but also can be blunt with him when it gets silly. I mean, if MC was like you towards the end of his route, we would have got through the whole “i’M tOo dAnGeRoUs gEt aWaY” thing SO much more quickly.

Once you’re comfy with him, you become an absolutely unstoppable force. When he teases you, you tease him back. When he’s being playful, you’re his partner in crime. Y’all are so goofy. Your life is full of laughs and joy with Saeyoung.

Sarcastic comments, dark humour and self-deprecating jokes? Yep that’s also very Saeyoung. Sometimes you two have to reel it in a bit when you’re hanging out with others because YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL TOGETHER.

“I love my friends and family and will fight anyone who threatens them, although when it comes to me, you can do or say anything to me and i wont do anything (I honestly can't stand up for myself).”

IT’S LIKE HE’S LOOKING IN A MIRROR. Seriously though, he knows the importance of self worth because he knows, firsthand, the damage that can be done when you don’t value yourself and your wellbeing. He makes it his mission to help you see how worthy you are of respect and give you confidence to stand up for yourself. Even if you won’t do it for yourself, he’ll stand up for you. He cares too much about his loved ones to let them be treated wrongly.

He feels how much you love him and your other friends/family which makes him feel so secure, and he also has a phenomenal amount of love in his heart to give and he ain’t afraid to do so.

“I swear like a sailor although I am trying to get that under control, however the road rage is real.”

Finds your road rage and swearing SO amusing. Constantly teasing you about it and winding you up, but it’s all in good fun.

Absolutely has a swear jar for you. No doubt about it.

“You’ve corrupted my good, Catholic ears.” “Saeyoung shut the fuck up.”

“I love nature and animals (i love my lil bunnies and dogs), i love working out/going to the gym #gym is life”

I mean, we know he adores cats, and I imagine he loves other animals too.

I also imagine he loves camping, and I don’t even know why. He just gives me camping vibes. Weekends away spent in nature, sleeping in a tent and sitting round a fire in the evenings are pretty common for you.

I know this is ~controversial~ topic in the fandom, but I am of the opinion that Saeyoung also works out.

Do I think he’s completely ripped? No, probably not. But he’s strong, lean at the very least. Even Jaehee admits it! He makes working out so much fun and it’s always a bit of a laugh.

“i enjoy cooking (i am now officially a chef), wine tasting (fancy way of saying getting very tipsy of different wines most nights), spending time with friends (especially if there is tea to be spilt) although i do need lots of alone time to recharge my social battery”

The first time he tasted your food, he almost cried. Poor boi lived off eating crisps and soda for God knows how long.

“Wait, you’re not meant to constantly feel like you're gonna throw up? Food is meant to have...flavour???”

Help him

Saeyoung is pretty social, but also needs time to recharge like you, though he can go a bit longer than you and doesn’t easily get drained by social interactions. This may seem like a problem when you spend time with friends, but it’s actually such a blessing. If you’re feeling exhausted when socialising, he knows and will “take the wheel” if you will. There’s nothing worse than trying to keep a conversation going or seeming upbeat when you literally don’t have the energy, so Saeyoung is there to help you out. He’s also super good at politely and subtly taking you out of those situations if you are super drained and need to recharge.

He’s also such a gossip so if you got tea to spill he’s ready to hear it, and you know he ALWAYS has tea to spill. Sneaky man

“i like conspiracies, reading, writing (Fanfics and im busy with my Masters in nutrition >“<), rom coms, and sleeping. As much as i love spending time outdoor i also enjoy lazing around the house being a lazy potato.”

Discussions about conspiracies over dinner lol. He is in possession of some...top secret information, so those conversations are very interesting and eye opening ;)

He LOVES to read your writing. It literally doesn’t matter what it’s about, he finds it truly fascinating. It’s a little glimpse into who you are, and it’s something you created!!! By yourself!!!! HE LOVES THAT. Always impressed with what you write, every time. He’s so proud.

ROM COMS WHILST CUDDLING ON THE COUCH

He’s a cryer, he loves rom coms.

He works super hard, so he’s always down to have a lazy day with you!!

“I definitely zone out and daydream all the freaken time and tend to blush easily which i hate 🙈 i definitely dont like crowds and loud sounds (ie you will never find me in a club). I am a picky eater despite my degree in cooking (i basically only eat candy, carbs and protein)”

He. loves. Making. You. blush. I’m sorry, but it’s one of his favourite things. He thinks it’s so adorable, so prepare for all the teasing, lewd jokes and general flirtiness that’ll get your cheeks burning ;)

He’s not keen on crowds either, so that’s not a problem!! I imagine he occasionally goes on night’s out with the bois (and by bois I mean usually just Zen and Yoosung LOL) but he’s not often out until super late, and he’s super respectful of you. Would never ask you to do something or go somewhere that makes you uncomfortable.

“i love cuddles although i look like someone that wouldn’t. Ive been told i come across as calm and confident, while in truth on the inside i am really scared and insecure. I am incredibly awkward when it comes to boys and have been told my sarcastic comments are x100 when i talk to them (oops).”

CUDDLE MONSTER. I actually think he’s the biggest cuddler in the RFA. Controversial I know, but damn Saeyoung loves a cuddle. He’s a spontaneous cuddler. Like it doesn’t matter what the situation is, if you need a cuddle or he just fancies one, he’ll find a way.

He sees right through your calmness and confidence, because he’s exactly the same. This puts him in the perfect position to reassure you and lift you up. He’s a great hype man!

He finds your awkwardness adorable, and your sarcastic comments just make him love you even more! He has a good sense of humour and doesn’t take things too seriously if they don’t need to be, so he’s constantly laughing with you and easing your mind in the very early stages of your relationship.

“I am very go with the flow, and i never burn my bridges 🙈 i am very forgive and forget🦊, like no matter how badly you hurt me.”

Based on what happens on his route, it’s very handy that you are a forgiving person hahah

But again, if Saeyoung thinks you are being treated wrongly and being hurt, he will stand up for you.

His dedication to protecting the ones he loves is STRONG. I mean, look at his relationship with Saeran and the way he is constantly looking out for you in ALL routes.

Of course, he won’t say or do anything to that person if that makes you uncomfortable. Instead, he will constantly reassure you of your self-worth and remind you that you deserve better, but will also support the decisions you make.

If you want to forgive and forget, he will respect that, even if he thinks differently.

“What am i looking for in a potential partner?.... well i definitely think i need someone that could bring me out my shell initially, also someone who isn't too sensitive cause like i said i can be super sarcastic and my jokes kinda match that (like in my family we show out affection for each other via playful insults and savage comments)😂😂”

As I stated above, I think Saeyoung is the best person to help bring you out of your shell. There’s no judgment and no shame with this man.

I find that someone being unapologetically themself is SO contagious, and Saeyoung is exactly that - unapologetically himself.

We’ve all seen his humour, he doesn’t seem to be particularly sensitive either so you’re all good there hahaha. Obviously everyone does have their limits, so whilst their are topics/jokes that would probably make him uncomfortable (e.g. stuff relating to Saeran), overall, he’s chill and ALWAYS ready to joke around with you.

The roast battle is so real with you two LOL

“i kinda want someone stable, hard working, decisive, ambitious and who can push me out of my confort zone and vice versa.🦋”

He goofs around, but there’s no denying that this man works HARD.

Once he leaves the agency and starts his new life with you, I can imagine him being super ambitious and also aiming for stability.

His life before had been so restrictive yet so uncertain. He had to do what he was told, but never knew what was just around the corner.

This makes me think that he would crave the stability and certainty that he never had (a ‘normal’ life, if you will), but also he’d want to try so many things that he hadn’t before. He strikes me as a ‘go big or go home’ kinda guy, so I think it’s safe to say that he would be ambitious in many ways.

The only thing I don’t think he ticks the box on is decisiveness, at least not at the beginning. I think he usually knows what he wants, but rarely acts on that.

“It’s up to you”, “whatever you want” and “I don’t mind” are very common phrases for him lol. I think he would learn to be more decisive once he gets comfortable. I also think he has his moments of assertiveness though, when he’s in the right mood.

“Also someone who is family oriented and loving (someone that can cuddle me when im having a bad day)☺ and someone who can make me laugh, cause i love joking around so i kinda think i need someone who could match that🌻”

SAEYOUNG. IS. SUCH. A. FAMILY. MAN.

Again, look at what he’s done for Saeran and how deeply he cares for and loves him. A ‘normal’ family was something that was absent in his life, so when he has his own family (whether that be a found family or one he made) he would cherish that so strongly, maybe more than most.

SAEYOUNG. IS. A. CUDDLE. MONSTER.

He could be working at his desk and suddenly think “you know what? It’s snuggle time” and then he would search the house for you to give you The Snuggle™

Again, he’s also VERY observant and his attention to detail is impeccable, so he can instantly tell if you’re having a bad day and will act accordingly - aka SNUGGLE TIME

I mean, need I say more? If you want someone who makes you laugh, Saeyoung is the guy. There is never a dull day when he’s around, and the house is always filled with laughter!

So yeah....that’s my reasoning :’)) now onto your very own drabble!! This is all yours, so if there’s anything you’d like me to change or add, PLEASE let me know!! I’m more than happy to edit anything to make it more personalised for you, just shoot me a message and I’ll be on it, same goes for anything I’ve said above!!🥰

Drabble!

“Saeyoung! Can you come here a second?”

You called out to him from the kitchen, stirring from a pot whilst its contents quietly bubbled away. You could hear the music blaring from his headphones all the way from the other room, with the occasional hum or drum on his desk. Evidently, he hadn’t heard you.

“SAEYOUNG CHOI GET YOUR FINE ASS IN HERE.”

The music ceased, followed by rapid pattering as he darted into the room, nearly skidding round the doorway.

“I heard ‘fine ass’ and here I am,” he smirked, sauntering over to you and snaking his strong, secure arms around your middle. He swayed you from side to side, planting a wet kiss on your cheek, much to your dismay. Saeyoung merely chuckled, resting his chin on your shoulder, “What do you need, witch lady?”

“Why ‘witch lady’?”

“Well, whatever you’re cooking is giving me witchy vibes. It looks like a potion in a cauldron. Look at you with your double double toil and trouble-OW! Don’t pinch me!”

“Sorry, it’s a witch thing,” you winked, spinning around in his grip so you were face-to-face. “You sure you’re not the witch? You do have the nose for it.”

“I’ve also got the dress and hat in the attic, shall I go put it on?”

“Try this for me first.” You held the wooden spoon out to him as he took a sip, chuckling at the way his brows furrowed in thought.

He smacked his lips a few times, hummed then finally looked back to you, “It’s good.”

“That’s it? That’s all you got?”

“You do realise that my taste buds have essentially been burned off by chips and soda, right? I have no idea if something’s bad or not.”

“You’re right. I should call Jumin.”

“You can’t,” he informed, his smirk growing ever wider as he moved towards the snack cupboard, “Mr Han has a date tonight.”

The spoon clattered against the counter, your mouth agape, “You’re shitting me.”

“That’s another coin in the swear jar.” Saeyoung chucked a packet of candy in your direction, though it only hit you in the face before falling unceremoniously onto the kitchen floor, “I think we need to get your reflexes checked, babe.”

“Tell me everything.”

He took a seat on a breakfast stool and chortled as you leaned over the counter, eyes showing your eagerness to hear the gossip. And he was more than happy to provide, “He appears to be really into her. Like, really into her. She seems to just get him, you know? I could hear his smile down the phone when he told me about her earlier.”

“Earlier? Why are you only just telling me this now?!”

“Do you wanna hear the rest of it or not?”

Huffing, you perched on the seat next to him, stealing a piece of his candy despite his look of horror, “Okay, well where did he meet such a woman?”

“You’re never gonna believe it.”

“Try me.”

Saeyoung was enjoying himself far too much. He couldn’t wait another moment to witness your reaction, “She’s Zen’s co-star.”

“NO.”

“YES.”

The tea had been spilt, and things were about to get very interesting within the RFA.

Your eyes were glued to his as he continued to disclose the details. At some point you had wrapped your arm around his, his other hand encompassing yours. He abruptly stopped halfway through describing the first encounter, causing you to quirk an eyebrow impatiently, “What?”

“Do you smell burning?”

“...Fuck.”

“And another one for the swear jar.”

@nad-zeta there we go my love, I hope you enjoyed your matchup!! I am so grateful for your support, it never fails to make me smile when I see you pop up in my notifs. You are beautiful, kind, bright person and you deserve the world. Thank you again for all you’ve done and all you do💛💛 Take care of yourself, my friend! xxx

(Note for other readers: I usually don’t do matchups, this was for a special occasion! I doubt I’ll open up requests for them later on, but never say never!)

#sunny's 500 milestone #matchup #nad-zeta #saeyoung choi #mystic messenger

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elijahfitz · 4 years

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and introduction.

meet elijah.

hey guys! im lina! im 18 and im in the cst timezone. im currently a freshman in college and ive also been rping for like 6 years now ( i started on the neopets chat boards. if thats not an embarrassing fun fact idk what is ) but i havent rped since this summer since school was and still is kicking my ass. im really into musical theater, marvel & dc, and disney! i also used to be a lifeguard at a great wolf lodge for 2 years so if u want any funny stories about stupid children, or even just wanna be friends, lmk! im also SUPER sorry this intro is so late. i was gonna do it yesterday but then my friends wanted to hang and it kinda went downhill from there. im actually posting this like 20 min before i have a lab practical so i wont be able to reply until late tonight, but like this post to plot or anything!

some fun facts abt elijah:

he was adopted when he was around 3-4? he was abandoned and left on the back of a merchant cart headed to corona, where he was then discovered and then put into the local orphanage since no one was sure where he came from or who left him. all he had was a stuffed bear (named wooly), a basket of water and fruits to eat, and a letter that explained that:

his name was elijah

he was 2 (born on february 28th)

his parents couldnt care for him, so they hoped he would be found by a kind soul who could either take care of and love him, or else get him to someone who could

they loved him and only left him in the hopes that he would have a better life

he lived in the orphanage for almost 2 years and the few months before the 2nd anniversary of his arrival, rapunzel & eugene visited the orphanage that eugene grew up in and fell in love w/ eli, promptly adopting him soon after. he barely remembers anything about his abandonment and time in the orphanage, but always wanted to find his birth parents and let them know how he turned out. he kept the bear and basket in his room but carries the letter around with him in his wallet wherever he goes.

his full name is elijah frederic fitzherbert. he was given the middle name frederic in honor of his grandfather.

but, he much rather prefers eli. doesnt mind formalities but insists on people who know him to call him by his nickname. except he HATES being called “highness” bc he thinks it sounds stupid. he wont get upset per se if u keep referring to him as “your highness” but he will get annoyed

he very much wants to fulfill his role as “corona’s golden boy” by contributing back to his people. he worries for the kingdom more than he worries for himself and is always trying to prove that he is worthy of being a prince rather than just some random kid who got lucky enough to get adopted. most of his days are spent doing modest favors and helping out the townspeople or visiting the villages surrounding the kingdom.

when he’s in the castle you can almost always find him in the kitchen! boi loves to bake and cook. he loves the way food can bring joy to everyone. he often makes goods to give to the townspeople or the kids at the orphanage, where he volunteers at least every 2 weeks when hes not busy w prince stuff.

has an acute fear of disappointment. he feels so much pressure to prove his worth that came from growing up thinking if he did anything wrong he’d be sent back to orphanage, esp since his parents had another child. they wouldn’t want or need him anymore. he mostly got over this when he broke a vase when he was 12 and tried to run away from home, except he fell out the tree that he used to climb out his window and broke his leg lmao. his parents assured him that no matter what he did they would still love him and never abandon him, and his dad also taught him how to climb trees and roofs without dying (much to his mom’s chagrin). even tho hes pretty much over it, it kinda lingers subconsciously. thus, he overcompensates in everything he does and gets overly anxious about small problems

growing up he thought the stories that his dad told him about his past were so cool, despite the fact that he would almost always only hear those stories when he was being taught lessons of what he shouldnt do. he used to run around pretending to be flynn rider and his dad played along, planning play heists for them to do together (think scott & cassie in that one scene from ant man and the wasp) but they stopped when eli hit that age where he thought it was embarrassing to play w his dad. but, it really helped him bond w eugene and help him work on his coordination bc eli is CLUMSY AF

eli legit trips over nothing at least twice a day.

he bonded w his mom through art tho, which eventually turned into aesthetic desserts and meals! thats another reason why he loves baking and cooking so much.

when his 1st sibling was born when he was 5 at first he was jealous. he didnt get much attention at the orphanage due to the fact that there were so many kids and he was just starting to get used to the idea of having parents didnt have tons of kids always trying to win their affection and attention. he thought having a little sibling was the worst thing in the world and would hide from his parents bc if they couldnt find him they couldnt send him away. he hated his sibling.

until he met them. the second he saw their chubby face he was hooked. he swore that he would do anything and everything for them. and that continued when his parents adopted his other siblings as well. he absolutely adores them and acts like the protective older bro role

thankfully, with such a large age gap eli never rlly had to go through any of those petty squabbles that siblings usually have. he was always pretty protective of them tho and would fight when he thought they were being reckless and dumb out of his own fear that if they got hurt he would be an awful big brother (again, fear of disappointment)

he loves to travel bc his mom would always take him to these extravagant kingdoms and on these amazing sightseeing trips

this boy is hopeless when it comes to love. i can imagine lots of ppl liking him on top of all the ppl throwing themselves at him bc royal, but him being completely oblivious and thinking that no one likes him.

he had rlly bad ADD as a kid but its gotten better as hes grown. he still occasionally struggles w executive functioning tho and always gets rlly frustrated when he cant focus or remember

like i said earlier, clumsy af. no coordination. the only athletic ability he ever had was horse riding and running

that said he has a horse named may (short for mayonnaise. dont ask

he likes music a lot. prob learned piano at a young age

he probably is at the party bc royals? idk

EDIT: although (currently) unknown to eli, his true birth mother is maleficent. when eli was 2, his birth father took him away from her and had her suppress eli’s natural born powers. his father realized he was unfit to care for him, so he was the one who abandoned eli.

wanted connections!!

obv his parents and siblings? i mean cmon

one ( or both???? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) of his birth parents!!!!! they dont have to know that eli is their son or mayb they do and are too scared to tell him, but being trapped together will eventually make it revealed

childhood friends! people he met when he traveled w his mom or met at royal social functions? i rlly also want friends that he would hang w at all the royal galas and stuff and they would go do dumb stuff like look sneak out and look for secret passages of make bets of who could dump more crab cakes into the stuffy duchess’ purse when she wasnt looking

people who know him solely through his family

someone who likes eli and eli legit has no clue, no matter how much they flirt and drop hints

people who hate eli! or even just dislike him, which makes him upset bc he doesnt like the idea that there are ppl who dont like him in the world. mayb bc sometimes he gets super highstrung when things arent going how they should b and he like lashed out at them once or something. maybe they hate his parents and on principle hate him. idk

someone who was w eli in the orphanage

past relationships? i feel like hes never rlly had a bad breakup tho, its just that they prob just didnt work out. hes also bi so they can b any gender. hes still looking for his otp

idk, legit anything. send me those plots man

#spelled.intro #this got LONG #i am so sorry #but hello i am lina #like to plot !!!! pls. im desperate

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krpk-remaking · 6 years

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Dr Sex Epic Character - maxx @maxxeruz

Leorio Paladinight is easily one of the most underrated hxh characters, both within the fandom, merch and the manga itself, because he really is the most normal out of the main four and i really think he should be appreciated more because hes a great character!

Once again, shoutout to Mags @senritsus for helping with this! Go follow him!!

Im gonna be talking about Leorios Character, where his arc will go, and his connection with Kurapika. This is gonna be a little harder than writing Kurapika meta, since theres (sadly) a lot less Leorio content and we know a lot less about his background but ill try my best! Leorio deserves it.

Reading my Kurapika meta might make this a little more enjoyable, since i touched on Leorios and Kurapikas relationship more in depth there but you can read this post without reading it!

1 . Leorios Personality And His Past

When we first meet Leorio, hes introduced as a stupid, greedy and quick to anger Pervert, not an uncommon trope for a comedic relief character in anime. Those comedic relief characters often lack personality beyond that, a fact that is actually commented on by Kurapika.

But thanks to Kurapika, about seven chapters in, we learn more about Leorio and his motivations and as the manga goes on, it becomes obvious that there is way more to Leorio than just someone whos there for comedic relief.

Leorio grew up in (presumably extreme) poverty, loosing a friend due to their lack of money, motivating him to want to become a doctor whos able to help people for free.

"I'm a simple guy. Figured I'd become a doctor... so I could cure some kid with the same disease, tell his parents they owed me nothing! Me... A doctor! Now there's a joke!! Do you know how much it costs to even try to become a doctor? The mind boggles!! It's always about money! Always!! That's why I want it!"

Knowing this, Leorios character already gains a lot of depth. Sadly, the manga doesnt mention when exactly his friend died but the 2011 Anime follows the manga more closely so ill go with the fact that his friend died when they were younger. Most of Leorios actions can be explained with the guilt he feels over the death of his friend, how useless he often feels and the way his upbringing in poverty affected him, for example at the very beginning, the fight he picks with Kurapika stems from the fact that Kurapika didnt respect him and was acting as if he was better than him.

Leorio absolutely hates feeling like hes at a disadvantage, or like someone is looking down on him, probably due to getting little respect during his childhood due to his poverty. This also just might be the reason for him to constantly dress in a suit, something that rich, important people often wear. He often overplays his pride, puts up a facade and the way he presents himself really just screams overcompensation in so many ways

Here, he gets upset at Killua because he feels disadvantaged once again. This feeling of inferiority is often the reason for the fights Leorio has with Kurapika and in this instance Killua, he absolutely hates being looked down on. The Other reason he fights with someone early on is, because they dont value life in his eyes, for example the old woman who was asking them to choose between two human lives, toying with them per say, and not valuing them.

Leorio values human life, especially those of his friends over everything else and has a strong sense of Morality, since he did acknowledge he was in the wrong and apologized to the old lady.

When Hisoka was playing with the lives of the others during the hunter exam, as well as Leorios and his friends, Leorio got upset once again and, knowing just how powerful Hisoka was attacked him anyways with no regard for his safety.

He mentions “being toyed with” twice, something people do with people they look down on/are stronger than, where Leorios hate of feeling inferior once again comes back to show.

But, While Leorio absolutely hates being regarded worse than everyone, he also dislikes being viewed as someone whos better than everyone and gets very embarassed everytime someone compliments him/shows him positive attention. This is either due to the fact that he isnt used to it, or that he doesnt think he deserves it (note how hes always drawn with an embarassed blush).

Leorio is a very selfless man, whos ready to do everything in his power to help his friends because he doesnt want to ever lose another friend again. During the election arc, he focuses his entire speech around wanting to help Gon and uses his power to call for everyone to try and help Gon,

when Illumi manipulates Killua into killing during the hunter exam arc, Leorio is ready to give up his hunter licence for Killua,

And, being well aware of what Illumi was capable of, refused to let him through the door to protect Gon.

reassured Killua, showing his intense care for his friends (and little kids since Killua had actually not even been that nice to him),

When Killua had to fight against the serial killer, before they knew about his real strength, Leorio assured him that he wouldnt have to fight,

he willingly risked his life and let hundreds of snakes bite him just to warn Kurapika and Gon and to assure their chances of success, and before that tried to disband their team so they could still advance if he failed,

and, without any fear, they couldve sense that, stared down and yelled at the phantom troupe.

Leorio hates feeling useless and despite that, often does. He felt useless when his friend died and thus decided to become a doctor to cope with this guilt, he felt useless when Gon was sick, like his friend, and he couldnt do anything once again and he feels useless when Kurapika wont let him help him and wont let him reach out but despite that he keeps trying, to fight his guilt, to make sure that Kurapika is safe and to do his best to help.

He describes studying to become a doctor as something he does for himself, he doesnt see that notion, becoming a doctor to help people for free, as something selfless that should be admired.

He doesnt see becoming a doctor as something that he should brag with or that people should know. When he first meets Gon and Kurapika he puts up the front of wanting money to buy cars, mansions, wine, etc, all things one usually would want with money, when he really wanted the money to study so he could help people. Leorio thinks hes useless and good for nothing while everyone else fights and he just “selfishly” studies, but hes not useless at all and obviously studying to become a doctor to help the poor isnt something thats selfish at all. Maybe his motivations, to deal with his guilt over losing a friend, are a little selfish but the fact that he even blames himself and that he copes by trying to protect and value life wherever he can show that Leorio himself isnt a selfish person, hes someone whos ready to put his life on the line for his friends and others any day, despite being less reckless than the other three.

He sees Kurapikas quest for revenge as something noble, while he thinks very little of himself. Even during the election arc, after he had come into second and third place multiple times he was still convinced, somehow, that no one was gonna vote for him.

Even Ging a very experienced and talented hunter, though he is a terrible person, thinks highly of Leorio,

even copying the punch he threw at him, which Leorio, as Ging theorizes, mightve developed to get rid of tumors that are unreachable with operation, showing just how smart Leorio really is.

Leorio is someone whos been alone a lot and, while hes the least reckless and best at selfcare out of all four protagonists, had little regard for himself in especially the first arc, where he just kept jumping into dangerous situation. An explanation for that could be, that he had no one to care about and no one that cared about him before he went to take the hunter exam since weve never actually heard about any family he had or has. He could possibly be an orphan, explaining the missing mention of any family and the extreme attachment he has to Gon, Killua and Kurapika.

Him being orphaned would also perfectly fit into hunter x hunters theme of finding new family after losing another, Kurapika losing his entire clan, Gon losing his father, Killua losing his entire family except Alluka since his family is terrible and as good as dead to him and Leorio just never having really had one. So, the reason he becomes a little more responsible in arcs after the hunter exam is probably, that he finally had people to care about again, that also cared about him so now he doesnt feel like no one would miss him if he died anymore.

In short, Leorio, while being extremely selfless, caring, fearless, moral and empathic, thinks very little of himself and often feels useless and selfish. He cares most about the well being of his friends and has deep rooted feelings of guilt about the death of his friend, even though it was out of his control and he doesnt believe that his goal to be a doctor or really just he himself is deserving of any praise.

His wish to be a doctor is a mix of that extreme internalized guilt from “letting” his friend die, his selflessness that just got pushed up by the guilt and the empathy he gained by growing up in poverty and the first hand experience on why exactly free healthcare is needed.

2. Leorios Relationship With Kurapika, His Guilt, And How His Arc Could End

I wont go in depth about them here, since i already have one that multiple times but they truly are so, so important to eachother and are in many ways two sides of the same coin. Both of them have lost people close to them and theyve dealt with it in such different ways. It made Leorio want to protect life and heal people, focusing his nen around helping others (see: the punch he used being something he actually developed to deal with tumors) and it made Kurapika want to destroy life and kill people, taking revenge and destroying himself in the process, mirrored within his nen ability too (as it literally kills him to use emperor time, one hour of his life for every second). So this set-up, combined with the guilt Leorio feels over not being able to help his friend or Gon, combined with how important they are to eachother, combined with how the current arc has the both together on that boat, I feel like it would really make sense for Leorio to finally be able to save someone, furthering his character arc in a very satisfying way and also helping Kurapikas arc, letting him accept help from others and becoming less self destructive.

“Leorio is an unabashedly selfless character who very deliberately centered his life around helping others and the thought that he cant do that with Kurapika is definitely something he tries to take blame for.” (directly quoted from mags @senritsus <3) If something were to happen to Kurapika while Leorio is near and on top of that on doctor duty, where helping people is his only job, i couldnt imagine the guilt Leorio would feel. Hes always been looking out for Kurapika since they became close friends (and maybe the nearest thing to a best friend either had had in years) during the hunter exam and Kurapika did always try to be someone who calmed Leorio and helped him be more rational, though that changed when he began his down spiral after killing his first person and they drifted further apart and Leorio took on the job of calming down Kurapika.

Kurapika calming Leorio VS

Leorio calming Kurapika

Kurapika is in desperate need of saving and having Leorio be that person to save him would be so perfect for both of their arcs.

This arc already set up the tension in their relationship at the very beginning, or atleast before the succession war began and i do believe it has to be resolved (relatively) soon, especially because of this (once again my favorite) panel, showing Leorio as one of the four people Kurapika cares most about.

And, to quote my Kurapika meta post about this panel, Hes thinking about moments where they made him happy/made him care about them, Gon and Killua with their food fight in the park where they cheered him up and Leorio on the phone. Its him calling to check up on Kurapika. Kurapika really did appreciate it so much, even if he doesnt show it, even if he keeps pushing Leorio away. And he does care about them, even if he doesnt want to! The way Leorio expresses care for his friends, which is very vocal and direct, is so good for Kurapika because even if he still cant really believe or accept it, its still something he appreciates, somehow. I am not (!) saying that they will definitely end up with eachother but they are definitely incredibly important to the others character development and i dont think Togashi will forget about that.

If youve read all this, thank you so so much i really appreciate it! Leorio is an incredible Character that deserves more love and i hope everything i wrote here is coherrent!! If i made any mistakes or if you just have any thoughts youd like to share on this topic please send me an ask! <3

#i love leorio: the masterpost #strawberrymeta #leorio paladiknight #hxh #hunter x hunter #leopika

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thundershadowfox1324 · 3 years

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Chapter 1

My name is wren, and I am unhappy. That's all I got to say really. If I'm honest I don't know why I'm alive, its almost like my existence is either cursed or a mistake. I'm technically the heir to the throne in the crystal kingdom. the only heir, and what a failure am I at that. My mother, the queen, died shortly after my birth to sickness, so it's just been me and father. He hates me with every fiber of his being. I have done everything he has asked of me but It's never enough. if I wasn't the last of his bloodline he probably would have had me killed. He makes due with making sure I know my place, It's probably why my anxiety is so bad. My life has been completely and absolutely awful. You would think that life would be great, being royalty and all. but people know nothing about the truth inside these cold walls. I'm smart enough to know what he has been doing to me... unlimited books and all. I have sufferd at his hand and under his first knight's and don't forget all the tutors. All ruthless and never hold back. I have known no kindness and frankly I'm over it. Prince wren is gone, because I'm leaving.... or I want to. I don't have the bravery to actually go through with it though. My entire existence is just unfortunate and those who are not being paid to keep quite, or participate in my torture have no clue about my true life.

I just finished up fencing lessons for the day, really just a way to sneak in an injury or two without being questioned. It is lead by fathers first knight and right hand man, Greg. Real burly dude who does not go easy. Sooo Here I am in my room cleaning wounds and what not. taking off in the middle of the night has always been on my mind... but... I don't know if I can do it. How long would I be able to handle myself without being taken advantage of or have the crown guard find me? It has always been just me and fathers shadow looming over me. He only wants someone of his blood to take up the throne regardless of anything. I still have a few years before I can do that at 18.

you know what.... fuk it, I'm out of here, I can't take being here anymore or I might just end up killing myself before Greg or father gets the chance. I might be a failure of a person but staying here is not something that I'm gonna let happen, I will come back strong enough to face them and I will learn how to rule this kingdom my way rather the the elders who beat into you the rules.

I stand up from my bed and walk into my bathroom and grab some dye that I secretly bought off some merchant just outside the castle walls. I'm to recognizable, being a prince and all, so I need to change my appearance. Even just a little. I don't like being the center of attention as it is. Getting to work dyeing my hair I mentality map out my plan. I have always wanted to color my hair but it is not "fit for a prince" the color I chose is actually my favorite color but now that I think about it the electric blue is definitely gonna turn some heads, to late now. I will just wear stuff to cover it, but being different is what I need. It also isn't like to many people know me either, being locked up most of my life.

I finish up rinsing out my fluffy hair and work on styling it up rather than slicked down so as to not be to similar. not using gel will also help with keeping from being immediately recognizable. A maid calls through the closed bathroom door that dinner is ready, and I tell her I don't feel good and will be skipping, It wouldn't be the first time so she believes me and takes her leave after promising to bring some tea and some medicine. I'm done with my hair, and I don't want whatever servant that brings the stuff requested to see me so I sit in the corner panicking over what I am about to do. After I hear the bed room door close again I exit the bathroom and start packing things. I pack practically, I don't own much of sentimental value anyway so I don't need to worry about taking up useful space. I try to keep things light as well because I'm not very strong

As a younger child I would sneak around the palace a lot so I already know what patrols to avoid. Long past the time for most to be sleeping I slip from my room to the kitchens and grab plenty of food and water. I pass by the servant quarters trying not to act suspicious as my heart pounds away in my chest as I grab some clothes that will last till I can get commoner cloths rather than that from the royals. Grabbing as well as some medical supplies and my own personal medication for my anxiety. It's not a lot but it will have to do. After triple checking my packs, I head to the vault and grab some gold and kaytash (our currency) next stop is to the armory for some weapons. I have been trained extensively but I prefer just a simple sword and shield. last I head to where the horses are kept and I prepare Renny for the journey. Renny is my go to, and she trusts me, I am not to worried about which horse I take because by morning they will know It was me anyway. I really should have taken the time to make it look like a kidnapping but how would I have pulled that off, how- no don't think, this is not the time for a panic attack. I need to put as much distance as I can.

Riding out into the darkness at a very fast pace, with the structure of nightmares behind me, I think of a new name. Pushing Renny to make some distance, I decide on Louise or just Lu. Yeah I like the sound of that..... lu... lu something. walker maybe, or hopefully I wont need one. Always been a subpar lier so I hope I don't freak out when someone askes and not give any indication as to who I really am.

Oh no I'm having doubt that this was a good idea, people are gonna ask questions or I'm to obvious, I should head back, that way father wont know and I wont be punished, I'm not cut out for this life.

I look down being pulled from my twisting thoughts to the creature I ride. I can tell I pushed Renny to hard, I won't be heading back then, I just sealed my fate. I steal a nervous look behind me. we left quite the gap between me and the main walls. bribing the guards at the gate classically into passage and secrecy. None of the guard are actually trustworthy, something that helped me tonight but one I hope to change if I end up ruler of this stupid kingdom.

#chaos hero’s #original story #abuse #anxiety #running from stuff #dnd

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survivor-tierradelfuego · 4 years

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Ep. 5: “I only deal with things in my control” - Ben

James Hayden

Tribal went according to plan. Leanne was blindsided 5-3. Now to do damage control with Naj and Aimee. Hopefully we don't have to do this soon. Zack's constant paranoia before tribal is worrisome.

Maddison

Pedro just blew up my game and I want him gone.

James Hayden

Within minutes of tribal ending, Jay sends us a message saying that our next immunity challenge will start in a few minutes. What the hell??? I was not expecting that. It turns out to be a game of tag from hell. We instantly lost Sarah and Amy because they have sketchy internet connection at the moment. Although losing the challenge and going to tribal isn't the worst thing for my game, I accidentally goofed and was eliminated after two hours. It's now down to Zack, Ben, and Naj vs 5 (?) of their people. Zack tried to make a deal with them to end this, but no dice. If we do lose, Aimee probably goes home. I don't want to go to tribal again, so I'm once again praying to the Survivor ORG gods for a W.

Ryan

I was doing so well for the first few rounds, but it feels like I'm going on a downward spiral. I'm pretty sure I've still got numbers with Pedro, Amy, John and Maddison, but I'm scaaaaared

Olivia A

I’m very disappointed by the outcome of that challenge. I think if we kept going we definitely would’ve won. We shouldn’t have taken the deal but oh well I guess. I am incredibly exhausted and almost cried when the randomizer showed that they won. I’m going to sleep!!

John B

Well that challenge turned into a major bummer, but hey, hindsight is 20/20 I guess. Now we have to figure out who to vote and if I had to guess it’s gonna be Ryan or Alan. I hope my alliance can get things together. With Alan having the idol we may need to split votes and Idk who we’d split with. Honestly at this point as long as it’s not me I could care less. Xoxo Gossip John 😘

Kalle N

Pedro exposing alliances that I'm not a part of... OOF. Honestly I don't even care who we vote out at this point. I am getting sick of no one on this tribe being able to make a decision or say a name and if i get voted out i will be relieved. I just want this to end

Ryan

feeling very Sandra right now. “Anybody but me”.

James Hayden

After more than four hours, WE WON THE TAG CHALLENGE FROM HELL!!! We were only down to Zack and Ben, but we won!! The other tribe agreed to do a randomizer and had a 75% chance of winning, but the Survivor ORG gods favored us and we got the W. After the challenge, Jay said to be online after tribal. This leads us to think a swap is happening. I'm just hoping that the odds are in my favor and end up with some variation of the 5. Ideally, the my new tribe would be me, Sarah, Ben, and two people from the other tribe. As long as my new tribe isn't myself with Aimee/Naj and three new people, I should be ok.

Ryan

I’m getting really close to John, I feel like we’re starting to really control some decisions. Maddison is still my #1 though

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2sp7C2PJIE&feature=youtu.be

Zack M

what can i say right now? i'm not happy. we won the immunity challenge but not because we deserved it. i'm so irritated with the majority of my tribe at the moment. again, i understand that real life is going on around us and the majority don't have the luxury of just sitting around on our computers all day. BUT LIKE CAN WE JUST TRY IT ONE NIGHT?! just once. the challenge was tag. endurance. we have to be ready to go every 5 minutes. did i plan on spending my saturday night like this. absolutely not. was i there until the very end? absolutely. we started out with cody, james, najwah, ben, and i. we were immediately down by 2 because sarah and aimee weren't available. after about an hour john from the other tribe and i were chosen to meet to try to reach a deal to end this challenge early. i got nothing from john even through i tried to be cute and mention that he beat me in the flag challenge. whatever. we continue. during this continuation the host left to shave her head. cute haircut, wrong timing. can you imagine jeff being like "brb guys, do this challenge without me because i need a trim real quick." like what? especially during a game where it comes down to SECONDS. like if you can't be there go ahead and tap in someone else. when she returned she asked if anything had happened ... the rules clearly stated that we were NOT ALLOWED to talk in the game chat ... john on the other side said "nope" .... the rest of us said nothing because again, let me repeat for the people in the back, the rules clearly stated that we were NOT ALLOWED to talk in the game chat. if their 6 (minus john) and our 4 at the time understood, why did he not? also, why did he not get punished for it? THEN we decided to make it harder where we were speeding it up a little to try and get through it tonight. again, let me repeat that, all we did was speed it up. from what i understood we had to "tag" someone at the beginning of the minute. we were not able to wait until the last second ... otherwise why would everyone have not been doing that the entire game? it would have obviously been the go to move. grae, from the other tribe, tagged najwah right before the cut off. she was literally typing as the round ended. it was clearly unfair but again overlooked and we were down another player. i know we are human and the host can't be everywhere at once and at the time ben and kalle from the other team were trying to come to some sort of deal to end the game BUT the game should have been the main focus. on top of letting it slide, my multiple comments of how it was unfair were not correctly addressed. in no way was i trying to get an upper hand for our team. it was clear at that moment we were going to lose and as i've mentioned in multiple confessions i would rather be at tribal than not because i don't know what everyone else is doing. i just love rules. i'm very type a. i pay attention to everything. i didn't think it was cool. nothing can change my mind. it wasn't cool. period. but let's take a moment to sit back and lay in that good karma. i'm a firm believer that good things come to those who deserve it and we did because we had two disadvantages happen to us in the game. in the end, we went to some website ... idk ... and did some random shit. their 5 names and our 2 were put in a list. they picked the number 3 so the host hit randomize or something 3 times and i picked the number 4 because that's my god number and BOOM!!!! ben's name was number 4 so we won. WONT HE DO IT. YES HE WILL. believe in him and give thanks because we won. i thought i was on mute but i wasn't and i clapped. the other team probably hates me and like i'm guessing we are going to expand to 3 groups of 5 tomorrow but i don't even care. if i'm going to lose and be voted out i want it to be right. our team did not deserve to be at tribal tomorrow and guess what .. we won't be. i'm praying i end up on a team with the majority of my alliance or at least my tribe but honestly we will probably lose if we do. i just want a team that wins so i can make it to the merge. that's all i'm focused on right now. the rest can come later. in conclusion, i don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. i don't really care. i'm ready to play survivor. ... oh yeah, and leanne went home at tribal tonight but honestly that feels so long ago and i don't really have anything to say about that except i love you leanne and it wasn't personal. the message to the wrong group killed your game. human error. *mic drop*

Najwah

I am honestly shocked by that tribal. There are no words. I KNEW it wouldn't be straightforward. I knew some blindside would go down coz nothing made sense. However, I really didn't expect them to vote out Leanne haha. I thought it would be me for sure. As I told Cody, everyone are such bad actors. There were so many things that didn't add up and they created a group with "A plan" but no one had a plan and everyone was saying the same thing? Also Sarah was way too comfortable. And she supposedly hasn't spoken to anyone? Haha they're terrible liars. Like at least make something better up. And the jewelery box!! WHERE IS THE JEWELERY BOX? Leanne never had it. Someone else is playing really hard. It's defs one of the boys. I bet. I never trusted Ben and James.

Najwah

I gave my all in that game. It was already 6am when I got eliminated (quite unfairly, might I add) but I could have gone on all night because there was no way I wanted to go to tribal council again. Especially now that I'm on the outs and don't really know who to trust anymore. I don't trust anyone. Cody called me after tribal but idk, I feel very disappointed because I at least thought HE had my back but I understood, I was close with Leanne and I was the one she was messaging in the group. As much as Leanne made a mistake. I made a mistake by replying. I basically dug my own grave by doing that. I bet they would have never known about my alliance with L had I not replied. Jokes on them because she had a fake idol and lmao SOMEONE ELSE STILL HAS THE JEWELRY BOX. Anyway, I think Sarah is going to win this whole thing. I'd love that. I'm backing Sarah all the way. Love how she plays this game. Low key and she has power. I'm Team Sarah Haywood.

Grae g

Looks like the girl wanna get pedro out while the John+pedro majority are telling people alan. It seems like absolutely everyone on the tribe is following what they say and that’s gotta go. Plus Pedro showing his own alliances to everyone via screenshot last night didn’t help LMFAO

Olivia A

I’m super excited about this vote because it’ll officially set a divide of alliances in this tribe (in which i will be on the majority). I feel bad about blindsiding John with this vote but Pedro posting that screenshot and showing multiple people in my alliance (including myself!) talking to him is something I can’t let be used against us. So he’s gotta go!!

John B

I think tonight’s vote is coming together. I feel bad but I think it’s going to be Alan. My biggest worry at this point is me or someone I’m close with getting idoled out. Hopefully I can talk to Alan and push them to vote for someone who’s not me lol. Honestly voting people out makes me feel super bad, especially since I kind of spearheaded this vote (I don’t think anyone realizes that though) I just hope this plan can go smoothly and we can get rid of the idol all together. ALSO I put 8 wishes on the wishing tree lol, I’m not sure if that does anything, but if it does I’ll be set lol, I probably don’t need those coins anyway 👀👀 Fingers crossed I don’t get blindsided or idoled out y’all! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Alan B

Omg this tribal is gonna be intense, from what it sounds like john is trying to take me out by buddying up with everyone, but it seems like everyone else is trying to back me up, hopefully this will go well but im STRESSED

Kalle N

The game just got a whole lot more exciting. I'm playing double agent by convincing John that we're voting off Alan, when in reality we're going for John's closest ally: Pedro. I don't think either of them will see it coming and I'm very excited for tribal.

Aimee

https://media.tumblr.com/6e98e0f1a1116e0d7faf5e9f51b29ab6/fe59555738f2307b-bf/s540x810/955cfcc9683d192965fc7e708613b934de5531fc.gifv Bye Leanne! I know you were selling me down the river to Amy T. Odd thing is, I didn’t even vote for you. I hope we flushed out an idol. I just don’t get how Sarah is playing what seems like a ghost game and is more “in the know” than I am. How many times can people tell me “oh sorry we couldn’t tell you the vote because we thought you were close with ——“ and expect me to just take that? Why am I not allowed to talk to other people or be close with others but you are? How is it a 5-3 vote but Najwah claims to be left out of the vote. Uh Leanne didn’t vote for herself, and if it was me and Ben that means Najwah voted Leanne. Do they really think I just don’t talk to people and compare notes? I know who everyone is with. I only trust Ben at this point. And if I make it to merge or judge it’s team Ben or Maola. I think there is a small alliance since day 1 that I am not in. I just didn’t even look that hard for an idol today. I was just too distracted by the calm of the flowers. https://jrchair98.tumblr.com/post/184827414479/ゼニガメ-0007-01-11-frames-based-on-gif-from I hope this game gets better for me, because I am just emotionally drained. This is a marathon and I feel like people are lying to me and I’m gonna get backstabbed in a more direct way. Don’t worry fans, I am strong but I needed this camping break to get my head on properly and I am so relieved I won immunity. It’s time to get to work.

Pedro A

OMG THIS ALL TRIBAL IS A MESS

Amy A

Urgh so today is a complete mess! This feels more survivor for me than all the previous tribal councils. The vote has been flipping all day and it can be anyone at any time. I have a new alliance and I think I was able to steer the vote away from Pedro so I stay solid w the outsiders alliance but I know they’ll come for me if they know I’m now in a tight alliance w all the girls and gender non-binary. New alliance is voting for John and I don’t think I made it very obvious I have a sorta alliance w Pedro cos he was the alternate vote. I heard my name somewhere so that freak out is there and a little part of me is scared but all in all I’m a very little confident about tonight

Amy A

I found an advantage!!!! I get to steal a vote!!! Omg I thought the option I chose was gonna get me a disadvantage for the tribe but I ended up getting an advantage 🥳🥳🥳🥳. I cannot wait to play this strategically to save my behind in a tribal council. I have decided to keep the news to myself for now but I’ll share it with (probably) Maddison soon. I’m really close w her and we have a strong bond.

Maddison

John just told me that he thinks of me as his number one and I am five hours away from attempting to blindside him. Sorry buddy, you gotta go. Alan B Lol looks like i'm dead in the water tonight if i don't use my idol, i was the only one who didn't help last night bc i didn't understand that it would just end before i woke up today ... HoLy ShIt 6 ppl are saying they're gonna blindside Pedro to keep me alive :O If pedro votes for me ima flip my shit ... Gosh i have no idea if i should use my idol tonight, because it sounds like the tribe is fighting about whether or not i should be allowed to stay. If i can make it past tonight without my idol, it could get me even farther, but i might not last longer than tonight if i don't ... i'd really rather vote john out then pedro, but it might be safer in the long run to eliminate the person that knows i have an idol...maybe i can get pedro to switch his vote to redeem himself and keep a partner alive for a little longer. Although since he's in a group called "core four" he might have already told them ... The tribe has officially split lmao, looks like we're voting john tonight if i can trust the people who are saying they'll back me up ... Ugh my heart is telling me to try and rebuild my alliance with pedro and try to get him on my side but my brain is telling me his other alliance is clearly stronger so i have to stop trusting him. Either way super sad that pedro betrayed me, apparently he told people about the idol, looks like he'll be next on the chopping block ... even though im in a group with a majority of the tribe i still feel like they're secretly gonna vote me out anyway, that would be a damn good way to get rid of my idol since it sounds like everyone has gotten wind of it. honestly id just be impressed but if things work out for me tonight and i still have my idol i think thats the best shot ive got at getting farther ... im gonna not play my idol tonight and trust the majority of the tribe, if it bites me then so be it, they played their asses off to get rid of me if thats the case, like if they were gonna get rid of me they would have just followed johns plan right? Aimeehttps://media.tumblr.com/6e98e0f1a1116e0d7faf5e9f51b29ab6/fe59555738f2307b-bf/s540x810/955cfcc9683d192965fc7e708613b934de5531fc.gifv Bye Leanne! I know you were selling me down the river to Amy T. Odd thing is, I didn’t even vote for you. I hope we flushed out an idol. I just don’t get how Sarah is playing what seems like a ghost game and is more “in the know” than I am. How many times can people tell me “oh sorry we couldn’t tell you the vote because we thought you were close with ——“ and expect me to just take that? Why am I not allowed to talk to other people or be close with others but you are? How is it a 5-3 vote but Najwah claims to be left out of the vote. Uh Leanne didn’t vote for herself, and if it was me and Ben that means Najwah voted Leanne. Do they really think I just don’t talk to people and compare notes? I know who everyone is with. I only trust Ben at this point. And if I make it to merge or judge it’s team Ben or Maola. I think there is a small alliance since day 1 that I am not in. I just didn’t even look that hard for an idol today. I was just too distracted by the calm of the flowers. https://jrchair98.tumblr.com/post/184827414479/ゼニガメ-0007-01-11-frames-based-on-gif-from I hope this game gets better for me, because I am just emotionally drained. This is a marathon and I feel like people are lying to me and I’m gonna get backstabbed in a more direct way. Don’t worry fans, I am strong but I needed this camping break to get my head on properly and I am so relieved I won immunity. It’s time to get to work.

Maddison

Tonight’s vote will draw a line in the sand for the tribe, and hopefully solidify a majority alliance. I do wish Pedro was going home, but I’m not going to push hard for it this early. As long as someone not in my alliance gets their torch snuffed, I’m happy.

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EDaQS-hPPQ&feature=youtu.be

Sarah

I wish I was better at confessionals and didn’t always leave a brick. That will be my goal for the week. OKAY. So tribal went as planned last night with our strong group of 5 (Jess) voting out Leanne. I trusted my group and I‘m glad I didn’t need to play my idol last night (and I love that it’s still a secret except for Cody knowing about it). After tribal, people thought Leanne may have had the idol and that now it was back in the hunt. Turns out, Leanne DID have a fake idol, whatever that means. Moving into a tribe swap, I do feel pretty good about going into one with most people on our tribe. I feel good about anyone in our group of five. I do worry though that with how spontaneous Zack is he may want to make a big move and flip on our tribe. Apparently Naj thinks I am a threat and thinks I will win so I do have to watch out for her but I do genuinely want to work with her. She doesn’t seem to know about Cody and I but she did expose her and Cody’s connection (which I obviously knew about) so she is quick to expose people! I am not as close with Aimee so she may flip too but thank god I have the idol just in case I get in a unpredictable tribe swap situation. So excited to get to know more people and I feel like this game has kicked it up a notch. Ready for a tribe swap! And hoping there are some cracks in the other tribe.

John B

I’m terrified it’s going to be me tonight. Alan caught wind of the plan I think and told Pedro they were going to play their idol. Now we are splitting the vote so Pedro and I will vote Ryan and everyone else is voting Alan. I really hope people aren’t lying to me, if they are it’s definitely going to be me tonight and I’m going to cry. I’m literally so stressed.

Aimee

Uh, oops. So I got a little too drunk in the woods this weekend to even read these messages properly. Ben voted Leanne last minute and couldn’t tell me in time because I didn’t have phone service. Najwah I’m sorry I doubted you for even a second.

Ben Kessler

Hello it's me Ben. I am very scared about a swap but I know if I get put with my own people, I got this. Hopefully I don't get swap screwed, Aimee trusts me, and I can work my magic with the other tribe. Swaps are out of my control and I only deal with things in my control. Unless there's no swap? Who knows

James Hayden

30 minutes before we need to be online for something game related, Jay tells us to pick a leader. Zack volunteers instantly which is fine with me. It keeps the target of my back and puts a bigger target on his. I think this is a school yard pick for new tribes and hopefully he can keep us #jessstrong #JESSPRESERVATION

Ryan L

essgo babyyyyy hopefully not getting kicked out

#episodes

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thataspdfeel · 7 years

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i really hope this isnt too intrusive but i was wondering if you have any tips on keeping up a good relationship/friendship as someone with aspd? ive gone through so many friends and partners over the years and i always end up alone like i am right now and im honestly lonely and my therapist doesnt really understand because he just said its for the best because abusive behaviour is common w aspd which made me scream and i dont know anyone who actually has aspd either :/

long answer so under a cut

ive kept this in the inbox and stared at it over and over again because of that fucking last bit like

fuck your therapist like deck him in the face. aspd etc people arent inherently fucking abusive thats not how that works. we have a really hard time connecting with people due to low empathy and have low tolerance for bullshit at least imo

oh also dont worry i dont find many things too intrusive. frankly, if anybody wanted to know how to keep a sex life nice, id answer that shit. like i have 0 concept of too intrusive lmao

also if youre lonely id honestly start out with a pet or two. that sounds really weird but if you get used to some asshole who cant communicate living with you, you start to tolerate others more. plus less lonely so win-win

THIS IS GOING TO SOUND HELLISHLY BIZARRE BUT TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS: try dating sim games. this isnt to make you less lonely but to help you get better at communicating with others. like this is an actual scientifically studied thing. i cant remember where i found this out cause my memory is bullshit but hubs pointed me to it. its how he managed to keep my attention for so long. he knew how to properly engage with me and keep my interest through practice via dating sims. and when things are stale, he goes back to the dating sim textbook. like brings me flowers or goes back to wooing me AND IT WORKS

thats not to say his feelings arent genuine cause they absolutely are. these dating games just let him interact with me romantically easier for him. especially because hes like the human embodiment of golden retriever puppy with sunshine out its ass and he can EASILY come across as waaaaaay too much and these sims taught him how to tone himself down. whereas for people like us, theyd help us to play ourselves up so to speak. or just generally interact with partners easier

now if actual interaction isnt your problem, that you make friends or get partners easily but have a hard time with the maintenance, now thats a different problem and requires a different solution

first, find people you find interesting. it's so much easier to pretend to give a shit about people when you find them interesting because you actually listen to them when they talk to you. and this sounds like bullshit like ugh why do i have to pretend. well you do. you have to with everybody until you make a connection. the key is to find somebody interesting you dont mind listening to

make sure they dont mind listening to you either or they at least pretend to this is because relationships whether romantic or otherwise all rely on communication and listening to each others problems. ive had a few "friends" who expected all kinds of emotional labor from me but would turn tail or come up with excuses if i needed them. those arent friends tbh. those are leeches and dont keep those people around. also dont be one of those people cause emotional labor should go both ways

communicate. communicate. COMMUNICATE!!! ALWAYS!!! EVEN IF ITS PAINFUL!!! even if opening up is the last goddamn thing you want to do. in order to connect with people and to keep connection alive, you need to open yourself up and be vulnerable. and it can suck! it really can! but you dont have to cut yourself open just for a connection. basically share what youre comfortable with at first

later, once youve established honesty (and honesty is the key here) later, if youve got an issue with them? you can bring it up and be like hey it bothers me that you leave your socks everywhere. or i hate that you seem to only need me when your mom is being shitty. this lets them confront you too about things that make them uncomfortable. and, yknow, change when they mention something (so long as its not ridiculous like you drink too much coke or i hate that you have blue eyes)

AND ON THE HONESTY THING be honest about your dishonesty. what that means is letting the other person know you lie if youre a chronic liar like me. you have to be like ok so i lie a lot and usually its about stupid stuff and heres how you can tell. anybody who gives an actual shit about you will be like oh ok thats irritating but ok. just dont EVER EVER lie about big shit EVER like cheating or something like that (i mean dont cheat in the first place but you get my point)

ive had like an empty bag of chips in my hand and hubs will be like "did you eat the chips" and i'll be like "no?" and it kinda goes back and forth like "i see the bag in your hand right there!" "no you dont" until about half an hour or so later im like "sorry i lied about the chips" and hes like oh its fine i get it. but he knows that while id lie about that or brushing my hair, etc i wont lie about if i took my meds or not etc etc. like be honest about your dishonesty dont hide it or itll create problems for later

let the other person know when you need space. because we all need space at some time or another. be like hey imma need to flake for like a day or so my life is a clusterfuck and i need some time to myself. or, like with one of my partners, im like do you mind if i just chill in the other room with video games/books/netflix/whatever for roughly x amount of time. i let them know its not them (even if it sometimes is at which point, i do let them know later what the problem was) and that i just need to be by myself. and yknow what? its made us all so fucking close when we've told each other when we need space

be honest about needing connection too. sometimes your life just goes all to hell and you need a cuddle buddy or somebody to go to coffee with. its scary making yourself so vulnerable and admitting that but honestly? the payoff is awesome because you have somebody there for you who will hold you through those times. and if they wont? walk the other way

and if it werent already clear, YOU HAVE TO MAKE A RECIPROCAL EFFORT because its not fun to be on anything one-sided. you dont have to magically develop empathy or wanting to be around people 24/7. you just have to make the same effort you expect with others

anyway those are the basics to making things work imo. IF NONE OF THIS IS HELPFUL or not the case for how to make things work for you, message again with specifics and i’ll do my best on the advice thing. just your ask was kind of broad so i answered it broadly

i hope this helps!!

#Anonymous #anon #vannswers #mod vann

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elixandriavulpini-blog · 7 years

Text

Spark of a Flame

(( OOC NOTE BEFORE YOU READ: This is an rp that happened I only have this here right now as it’s going to be revised and edited to Elix’s point of view this week. Please bare with me because I do work a lot. <3 ))

As Spade sat by the fire Elixandria let herself get lost as she continued to pet her steed, 'gambling... hmm..' she thought as she stared into the woods that creaked beyond the creature. Spade was busy cooking still as his focus was on skinning a rabbit for the moment. Her gaze looked back at him from under that hood as she thought about what fate had in store for her. The man was handsome with dark hair that was well cut to a medium length, those green eyes of his focusing as he was busy with his task.

After a moment of silence a playful smirk found it's way onto Elixir's lips and an amused laugh escaped her, "Well lucky for you I am quite used to gambling and I must say I'm pretty good at it if I try." That smirk of hers slowly turned into a grin as her thoughts continued to dance in her head, "Wouldn't mind maybe getting in on a game or two if you wanted to play." She was trying to keep the conversation going in a direction that hopefully wouldn't bore the man.

She continued to pet her steed before turning to walk toward him, her steps careful and smooth. Coming to a stop by the fire she let her gaze get lost once again in those flames as she continued to think, "You should also give me one good reason to trust you, other than the fact you are making sure that I don't starve to death and the horse I stole a few months ago doesn't die." Her gaze then flicked from the flames to look at his form from under her hood.

Spade cocked his head up at her as a playful grin curled over his lips. A hint of flirtatious aura taking over his visage, "Perhaps.." He replied as he turned the iron rod around so the rabbit could cook evenly. "Wouldn't keeping you alive... feeding you, giving you a nice warm tent to sleep in be enough... Elixir?" He inquired glancing over his shoulder and towards the tent.

His eyes followed the trail he took this morning remembering the slight warmth to the tent. To anyone else it would suffice and give them the necessary warmth, but to him he shivered and could barely get a nights rest. Glancing back up at her, his tongue stuck out partially as he moved it across his inner bottom lip. "I can tell the horse was stolen. From an official or from a farmer? I won't turn you in for petty thievery, neither would I turn you in for admitting to killing people for coin.. I do my own fair share of crimes. Gambling isn't the only thing I do." Spade then lifted his arm to point to the blades on her holster, "Do you know how to use your blades? And do you know how to use them properly?"

Elix looked at him with a curious gaze however her smirk shifted to a very lost look. After a few moments she frowned and looked down at the blades on her hips, "I do... but I could be better I suppose.." She thought this over for a moment before she looked at him again, her hooded head tilting, "Why do you ask?"

His questions had made her feel uneasy as she shifted from one foot to the other, an uncomfortable sway as most would call it. The woman had a lot to hide, she was a criminal but at the same time she wasn't the best with blades and she would admit it. But how does one commit crimes without using a blade of sorts? It was a curious question that most would ask as she stood there for a moment, her bottom lip tucking into her mouth as she bit it.

"Spade.. I did just meet you but I suppose I will let you in on a little secret.. I need proper training in how to use these blades... because I'm better with magic.." As if on queue a light blue glow would come from under that hood of hers as her runes started to faintly glow on her cheeks. Perhaps she was a mage but what kind of mage was she if she wore leathers and killed?

Spade kept his eyes on her. "I'm not going to pressure you to tell me your back story, neither will I force you to. Tell me on your own accord and when or if you ever trust me. I can teach you how to use those blades, but you'll have to trust me first. That's a hard pill to swallow and it will take some time. But, I'm willing to wait." He offered as he moved to stand up.

He was taller than her, significantly so. He wore dark leathers, there were no colors, just pure black stained leather. Noticing her slight shift on her foot, he stretched his arm out and used the back of his hand to push her more towards her right. "Keep leaning over like that and you'll fall in the fire."

Considering she was distracted most of the time she didn't realize just how tall Spade was until he stood up, that dark figure sort of just looming over her little below average height self. She nodded to his words however as she looked up at him however when he reached out that hand to shift her toward her right she hesitated before moving. "Trust is something hard to come by as of late but we will see.. so far you haven't given me a reason to not trust you." Once Elix had moved he did as well to turn the rod once again.

Elixandria watched him cook for now as her markings glowed lightly against her skin. When he looked back at her finally he noticed the glow on her cheeks. The runes illuminated her features faintly, but enough to give him a rough idea of what she looked like. Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, he glanced over towards the right. "I'll train you... but it's best you keep your magic use to a minimum. Use it when you absolutely need to. Magic can be messy, especially if you need to kill someone discretely. When you're fully rested, fed, hydrated. Then I'll teach you. Right now, you may end up trying to kill me if you really think I'm going to attack you."

She had noticed his stare which caused the runes to fade back against her pale skin, hidden from sight as an amused smirk crossed her lips, "You know... it's not nice to stare, you might become obsessed." She mused as she was trying to be somewhat friendly, a rare thing for her. Elixandria was pale but beautiful to most, perhaps to beautiful to be hiding under a cloak but she liked life this way. Blood stained leathers, a fire, and some friendly banter as she could forever remain unknown. It was a life she chose to live.

"I'll do my best if you are willing to teach... however I can't guarantee I wont use them to defend myself if I feel threatened. I have this strange feeling you aren't afraid to kill me either, but perhaps that's because I'm just a stranger you met one foggy morning who was probably close to not having a horse." She continued to smirk now, "If I wake up tomorrow normal with everything how I left it, then perhaps I'll trust you and will think twice about killing you."

"Think twice?" He repeated turning his attention back to her. A coy grin spread over his lips as he took one step towards her which caused her to blink in surprise under her hood. Her smirk vanishing in an instant due to the fact that he was much closer than she liked anyone to be. Lulling his head from side to side as he did Spade continued, "As a matter of fact love... I'm not." He replied lifting both hands towards the side of her head. His thumbs quickly slipped in from underneath her hood and quickly pushed it back to have the black hood rest over her shoulders.

Elix closed her eyes as she didn't do much to prevent this, "Really..." She sighed out as her face was exposed. Spade was be greeted by a woman with long black bangs that cascaded down either side of her face to her chin as her hair was tied back behind her head. Her rune markings faded against her pale skin to the point they were almost unnoticeable. After a moment she sort of turned her head away to not look at him as her eyes opened to focus on the ground. Her arms crossed now as if to hide even more due to the fact that she was shy of her appearance. Those ice blue and white flecked hues of hers looking through the blades of grass as if to keep her focus away from him.

"Trust... might want to begin with that." He took a step back and pulled the rabbit from the clamps and placed both fish on by their back fins. "I wouldn't say obsessed though, curious maybe." He quipped as the cooked rabbit was thrown into a pot that was cleaned earlier that morning. "I have no motive to kill you Elixir, and you're not someone I was hired to kill either. The person I was hired to kill, has a dark blue hair color, wears a lighter shade of a blue satin dress. Disguises herself as a mage, but is really a warlock and practices necromancy. They saw her as a threat and nobody was able to find her. It's why I'm out here. You're not her, so I have no reason to kill you."

Elix continued to look down at the grass for a moment as she replied to him, "I suppose I don't have much of a choice, you have the upper hand right now.. Also I hate necromancers so honestly I wouldn't mind helping you find her.. in my personal opinion I would prefer most of them to be eaten alive by rats." She spoke with a slight venom in her voice.

Spade pulled his gloves off and threw them to the ground beside the pot before moving closer to her. "I'll give you my real name, when we can both trust each other... fully. Not partially, fully. How about that? Does that put you at ease, little lady?"

She smiled slightly before she moved her right hand to pull her hood back up only to be stopped by Spades fingers lightly wrapping around her wrist, "Keep it down.. suits you more." his touch was genuine and soft but when he released he lowered his arm to his side once more. He watched her from behind as his gaze was only met with her tied back black hair. Spade noticed her runes were no longer illuminated like he had seen before as they were now pale against her skin.

Nodding slowly, Spade reserved to taking a few steps forward and curved around to stop in front of her. "Trying to swoon me or something?" She questioned as her gaze was still looking down to avoid his own for now until he moved to place the side of his index finger along with the pad of his thumb on her chin, gently lifting it so she was forced to look at him now. "Aye.. really. Didn't know the little lady was such a beauty. Suppose I'd have to step up my game." He couldn't help but tease.

His touch was something Elix didn't expect at all as her ice blue hues were forced to meet his gaze, this man was bold very bold. Spade simply continued his banter as he lowered his arm and reached for a blade on her holster. "Names... they're either a bane or a blessing. But they can also hold a story... I doubt your parents named you after a vial of concoction they brewed. And it's obvious my parents didn't name me from a symbol drawn on cards."

Spade twirled the tip of her blade on his index finger just breaking the first layers of his skin. "I still stand by my word. I'll teach you how to use your blades. And, whatever else you're not versed in. Just let me know and I'll see what I can do." he then quickly twirled the blade and his hand take the steel and handed her the hilt. In that moment he had no choice but to trust her. He was handing her a blade while he had nothing on him.

"If you're playing a game well then I suppose you picked a very dangerous one to play.." She offered him a half smirk as a sly look came to her eyes as she watched his display. Spade found that her blades felt cold but were made from a very fine steel and seemed to be well crafted. Most would think that she stole them but one could tell they were her own as the letters EV were engraved into the base of the blades just before they met their hilts.

As he held her blades and played with them she kept her gaze on his own, he was right in a way and she wasn't going to tell him he wasn't, "I mean... I suppose I'm as deadly as a poison, in more ways than one." She shrugged looking to the blade now when he offered it back to her, now was her chance if she was going to do anything. After a few long moments she lightly took the hilt of her blade while her gaze met his own, soon enough she gently took it from him to return it to it's holster on her belt.

"Then I suppose you're stuck with me Spade, just as I am stuck with you. Why not a little spar when you feel curious enough to learn my skills, eh?" She had a playful tone in her voice, as those ice blue and white flecked hues offered him a look that said she was not only a little dangerous but quite fun in more ways than one. She was quite the little vixen.

Spade noticed her prolonged reluctance. When she took the blade, he wrapped his fingers around her wrist, and used his other hand to cup her chin again. "Good choice." He whispered huskily. When he pulled away, he took the fish off the clamps and threw them into the bucket. Then, he put the other rabbit on the clamps and had it cook like the other one did.

A low chuckle escaped him with a quick nod. "When I see you're fit enough to fight, then we will." He muttered moving towards the tent to open up a weaved basket container to pull out some berries and nuts that were both mixed together. Placing them into a bowl with another underneath. Turning around to look at over her, he looked over her figure from the side and saw she was in fact toned. But due to her leathers and cloak, he was barely able to see, but he imagined.

Taking the bowl, he took the other from underneath and placed the nuts and fruits into the other bowl so it was evenly distributed. Lowering himself into another crouch, he placed both bowls down and turned the rod again. "Well little lady, let's see who comes out of this alive then hmm." He uttered looking up at her with a smug look on his face.

Elixandria now had shown some interest, not only had he touched her once but now he had touched her twice after seeing her face. This was something she however was used to for she knew that even though she was different she was beautiful. As he released her she simply watched his movements before moving to walk behind him, her left hand lightly trailing across his shoulders. Each step she took was smooth before she simply stood across the fire from him as he prepared their meal.

He watched as she walked behind him and gently touched his shoulders. He followed her fingertips as best he could, glancing from the right and then towards the left as she walked. While she walked around the fire and then stopped to stand adjacent to him. He looked at her through his lashes again with his mouth gently parted open.

His tongue moved to slide across his lower lip with a grin curling upwards. His hands moved down towards a bowl and placed a rabbit and a fish lined beside the other. Handing it over to her, he craned his head towards the right and chuckled. "Eat... and I'll spar with you when I say you're ready. You want me to train you after all."

Elix kept her gaze on him as a smirk now played back on her lips, when she was offered food however she offered him a nod, reaching for it. "I wont argue with a meal... and I wouldn't say I want you to train me... but I wouldn't mind learning a few new tricks." She let out a light laugh before looking to the bowl. The food smelled good however she didn't touch it just yet as he spoke to her again.

"We'll see little lady, we'll see." He turned the rod where the rabbit cooked. Though, when he did turn it, it was much more cooked than any other side. Though, he didn't mind that the rabbit was cooked more, he didn't want it to be burned to charcoal. Turning to look at his horse, he noticed how his hooves were digging into the ground again. Sighing, he turned his attention back to her and the fire just in time to notice Elix looking at him with a frown.

"If you want the one that didn't get a little over done you can have it. I'll settle for a little over done rabbit since you are treating me to a meal." Her gaze went from the cooking rabbit then to look to his now, something about those eyes of his said that they really weren't that different but she didn't know in what way.

He then chuckled and shook his head. "Don't worry about it, eat. I don't mind eating a little over done meat, gives more of a crunch." He brought up the fish in the other bowl and took a bite and gave her a wink. When he was done eating he continued, "In the early mornings I scout around, so don't be concerned if I'm not here. My horse will still be around, so will the equipment here. I'll be back in no time to make breakfast."

She nodded to him as she finally moved to take a bite of the rabbit that he had cooked for her, speaking before doing so, "As long as nothing of mine is missing and I don't wake up to blood everywhere I believe I will be fine." She smirked just before placing the piece of meat into her mouth. It was good, savory even as she couldn't hide the satisfied smile on her lips. She hadn't eaten for days and something like this just tasted fantastic as the flavor hit her taste buds.

Spade glanced up at her quickly and lowered his gaze. "If it comes to that... don't freak out when you see a large wolf." He whispered which caused Elix to stop eating for a moment as he mentioned the wolf, her brow perking slightly before she shrugged and just continued to eat as he continued to speak.

"I have some water covered by leaves in a hole just over there if you want to grab it. It helps keep the water cool. So, if you ever find yourself in a situation when you're outside. You'll at least know how to keep your water cold and refreshed. But, before you put it in your jug, make sure you boil it." He pointed towards his right with his thumb that was at a tree. On the ground was branches of thick leaves and on the bottom layer, two branches of spruce leaves that kept it cool.

The jug was a porcelain jug with a tight closed cover to keep out any insects, dirt and all things alike that could be found out in the wild. "Nothing of yours will be missing, don't worry. So, don't freak out if you see a wolf running around killing people, and I'll keep the blood to a minimum if someone comes by."

“I take it you know some sort of transformation magics then, interesting.." She glanced to where he kept the water, thinking for a moment as she didn't want to say anything just yet. It was clear she had something to say but instead she chose not to as she just enjoyed the meal he had prepared. Thoughts dancing around in that head of hers like a bad habit. Once she had finished eating she simply set down the bowl in front of her. Her hands coming up to clasp under her chin with her elbows on her knees as she simply rested there, staring at him with those ice blue hues.

He chuckled lightly taking a dried strawberry from the bowl and ate it. "I have wolf pets." He lied skillfully. Lulling his head towards the right, he reached down to place another into his mouth. Chewing on the dried fruit, he reached over for the rabbit and took it down from its clamps and threw it in the bowl. Lashes swept down towards the fire with a slight parting of his lips.

"I suppose we all have our secrets... and considering you trust me enough with yours I suppose I'll share the fact that getting cold isn't a problem for me. So as long as I'm around you don't have to worry about warm water or over heating..." She simply smiled before it faded when her gaze drifted to look at the fire now. Those thoughts once again swimming around in her head, she really did have a bad habit of thinking to much and that was clear.

His ears perked as he listened in on her little secret. Though it was already obvious considering the light blue runes that covered her cheeks. Chuckling to himself, he looked up at her through his lashes. "I'll let you in on a little secret love. I don't have to worry about over-heating, my body has a hard time producing heat. I offered my tent because it does little to keep me warm. Laying outside... and on the ground beside the fire does more to keep me warm than that."

Spade's lips curled upwards as he reached over to press his fingers on the back of her palm. Despite being near the fire, his fingers were cold but Elix’s were colder. He held no magic in his veins other than the the shadows void that coursed through his veins through manipulation. "Do you want anymore little lady?" To this she shook her head.

"I believe I'm fine but thank you." Elix watched him eat for a moment, before her gaze would then look to the trees as she seemed to be looking for the hawk that he had earlier. "So... what exactly are you then? Like what do you skill in besides blades and leathers... I know you said gambling and killing just... seems to me that you have a lot going on." She smirked tearing her gaze from the trees to look at him now.

She pondered for a moment before she took a stand to walk away, pacing now in the dark evening sky. He couldn't help but chuckle softly as she pulled away from his touch. He didn't really notice that her hand was cold since he was mainly focused on his own coldness. "Shadow manipulator... to put it short." Spade replied watching as she moved to stand up. He took the bowl of dried fruits, nuts and placed his own food in. He didn't think much of it when she went into the woods.

Sitting there by himself, he glanced up at the hawk who gazed down at him. Narrowing his slits, he cocked his head towards the left and watched as the hawk swooped down. Holding up his fish, he knew that the large bird would swoop right in to grab the cooked meat. "Found her." He muttered taking the rabbit and biting into it now as he wished to eat just as his hawk did.

The sun had just started to set as Elix seemed to sway there, a question lightly flowing from her lips, "So... out here all alone, cold at night even inside of a tent or by a fire... sounds like you need yourself a lady friend. Unless you already have one back where we are going?" She looked back at him as those dark strands of hair fell into her face for a moment before drifting back to the sides of her face.

'Lady friend...' He mused, turning to look at her. The grease coming from the rabbit slowly dripped down his fingers. Placing the meat back into the bowl, he licked at his fingers and looked back over to her. "Are you suggesting on sharing your bed with me little lady? If you're wondering, I don't have anyone back at that town. A few fuck girls, but not a girl I'd call my own." Sighing, Spade glanced down at his food and then back to her. "Why do you ask? Do you have someone back where you're from?"

She nodded to his words as she slowly walked around in the dark towards her horse, walking over to pet him once again. The horse lifted his head quickly as she approached almost as if he was spooked but then he would settle down to eat the grass once again as she touched him, that cloak of hers still draping down her back for now.

Soon enough Elix had moved to remove her cloak, draping it over the saddle as she pet the stallion, speaking with an amused smirk on her lips, "Now I wouldn't suggest that... I do enjoy my space but if you would be warmer I suppose I could be nice as long as you promise me that I won't have to worry about anything unwanted happening."

She was grinning now as she couldn't help but laugh at his last question, her head turning to look back at him now so he could see that she was grinning in the dark, "No.. never have and probably never will, most people don't like to get close to someone like me granted I have shared a bed with someone more than once." She winked at him before turning to return her attention to her steed.

Spade watched her with the back of his nails touching his lips. His head cocked towards the right as he took a mental note of her figure. Amusement struck him as she laughed at his question. "Not a girl for commitment are you?" He asked curiously picking up the rabbit meat again and pulled it from its bone. Getting a piece off he placed it in his mouth and looked back at her.

"So they'd bed you... but they won't hold you?" He asked cockily. "Where's the fun in that?" He asked placing another piece of meat in his mouth and chewing it slowly. "You can't go for round two if you get up and leave." A grin curled over his lips as he watched her ever so curiously.

"Or is it because a man... hasn't been able to please you fully?" Spade asked with a bellowing growl at his last word. He reached down for a piece of meat and placed it in his mouth again. "Or have they not found what you like for you to allow them to spend another night in your bed?"

Elix couldn't help the grin that was on her face as she continued to just pet her steed and not look at him, that dark hair of hers cascading down to her lower back. If she would of had it down it would of easily just licked at her rear. She had a figure that was built but sexy, even toned. Most men would sell their souls for a girl like her but she wasn't the typical female and that much was clear.

"More or less I would be one for commitment if someone could please me.. you wouldn't be the first random stranger I had this conversation with either and you probably wont be the last." She shrugged her shoulders as she ran her fingers through the horses mane now when she continued, "And no I haven't... all the men I have had are boring... terrible even. It's funny because most of your type acts as if they are amazing but they end up being a huge disappointment."

Spade chuckled shaking his head. "Too focused on their orgasm's aren't they?" He replied standing up from his crouching position and moved towards her. His hands moved across the horses back. It was smooth, some parts a bit ridden in and scabbed. Sighing, he glanced over at her shaking his head. "You're pushing him too much, the saddle is digging into his back."

Annoyed, he turned around and went towards his tent to pull something out. "Here, put this on underneath the saddle, it'll help keep it from running against the scab." With a roll of her eyes she took what he offered her, setting it on the ground as she moved to unhook the clasps on the saddle so that she could pull it off.

"It wasn't by choice I promise you..." She said lightly with her gaze focused on the steed as she did just as he told her to. She knew that it would help him and that's clearly what she wanted to do.

Spade turned back towards the fire to finish off his meal. He thought back to what she said about the men not being the last or her first. "I'm feeling a bit conflicted here... and a bit challenged." He whispered looking up at her through his lashes again. A low chuckle escaped him. "Hrm... I supposed we'll see." He uttered to himself with a devilish smirk curled on his lips.

Elixandria didn't hear him mutter as she put the saddle back on the stallions back over the blanket that Spade had given her. She looked over at him through her hair, watching him with those ice cold eyes. "You're interesting.." She quietly mused to herself before looking back to the steed talking to the horse as she brushed her hand through his mane once again, "Yet a stranger... right boy?" She said the words lightly with a smile on her lips.

"You're right you know." She spoke up, "Most men are greedy that way.. so I simply don't waste time. I suppose you could say I want someone who takes what they want to keep, someone who won't give up lightly. I'm what you call far from easy and well I get bored with most." Her voice was light however it was like silk to the ears. Elix then moved to grab her cloak once again, returning it to her form but she left the hood down for now.

Spade moved to stand again and just as he was about to move he turned around and looked at her. "Hrm, did you say something?" he inquired before shrugging it off. Cleaning up his mess and saving his leftovers. He then turned to have his food placed into a smaller container. When she spoke a bit louder he turned and looked at her. He knew that tone of voice. The tone where woman would be seductive as she could. His lips curled upwards again hearing her. "Perhaps you need yourself a real man... one who's woman has no need to worry about if she'll ever find her own release."

Elix couldn't help but smirk at that, she simply continued to pet the horse for a moment before reaching into her saddlebags as she seemed to be checking on something. "Perhaps I do, who knows. Maybe I'll end up that lone wolf who just survives." She laughed a little bit as she closed up the saddlebag. Whatever it was that she was looking for it was still there apparently.

As she tightened the straps again on the saddle she spoke up again, "So is this what you do? Try to swoon beautiful cloaked women that you find on the road?" She was clearly teasing him now as she turned to face him. After a moment she just started to walk back over to the fire, moving to take a seat once again.

Spade scoffed with a slight roll of his eyes. He craned his head to look at her with his cheek resting on his shoulder. "I'm sure you'll find yourself a man who will keep taking that hood off so he can annoy you." He teased not knowing how true that fact would be in 150-ish years. As if on queue when he mentioned her hood she had reached up to pull it up and over her head, once again hiding her face as a smirk found it’s way back to her lips.

He turned to glance down to his hands that still felt greasy. Sighing, he was annoyed of living out in the wilderness. But just like her, he was avoiding cities where Jackson might find him. Curling his fingers into a fist, another sigh escaped him. Though, a slight neigh from his stallion grasped his attention. Looking up through his lashes, he slowly moved to lower his hand towards a blade strapped to his holster. He noticed a faint black figure walking through the woods.

Pretending he was going to go and give the horse a apple to eat. Spade then slowly slipped in between the horse and the tree to get a better look of what or who was passing through.

Elix had heard the rustling in the woods but didn't think much of it as she watched him stand up, her gaze following him before she looked to the flames. "If I do he will have to be one hell of a special man.. sorry but I like to keep my face hidden." Her voice calling to him in response to what he had said. Slowly she reached over to grab a stick off of the ground with her right hand. Moving to just poke at the fire as if she was trying to distract herself from her thoughts.

Spade nodded still moving towards the figure. He extended his leg out and brushed any sticks or any rustling leaves. But as he stepped there, there was a stick underneath a thin layer of soot and with his weight, the stick broke and caused a echo throughout the forest. Elix glanced over to his horse noticing he wasn't there and attempted to listen carefully for his steps walking into the woods however when the sound of a stick snapping echoed into her ears she turned her hooded figure to scan the treeline.

The dark figure turned towards the noise and quickly moved out of the way and out of sight. Spade ran in persuit in hopes to get the creature but it was far too quick and was able to swiftly get out of sight. Reaching the part where he saw it, he stood there looking down at his feet wondering what the footprints would've looked like but stopped himself from moving to much in hopes that he could get the prints in the early morning.

Looking through his lashes, he quickly glanced around wondering if it was still there but he heard nothing. Grumbling and with a sigh, he turned away and tried to follow his steps back to the camp. Reaching the clearing again, he looked over at Elixir and responded back to her. "Couldn't catch it.... whatever it was. I'll check to see what tracks are there in the morning." She was clearly looking for him before he emerged into her view which caused her to let out a questioning hum with a perked brow, curious as to what just happened.

Turning back to where he was, he gently shook his head and looked back at her. "Apologies m'lady, but I like to see your face rather than the hood." He quipped moving towards her and pulling her hood back down to annoy her just as she had opened her mouth to speak. In turn she glared at him and attempted to side step out of his way yet closer to him as she pulled it back up again, success. Spade craned his head back with a smile on his lips, "Damn it." he exclaimed lowering his gaze.

"Well to bad, I suppose you will suffer then." She smirked from under the hoods dark edge.

"Suffer I will then." he replied with a chuckle. Spade cocked his brow at her with how close they stood next to each other. "Well, little lady. If you're going to stand this close to me. Might as well do something about it." he teased with a upwards half cocked grin.

She lifted her gaze to look up at him as she was just smirking now. With a light motion she traced her right index finger along his jawline to his chin before moving her hand back to lightly tap him on the nose. "Boop." With that she would take a step back with her arms dropping to her sides, "You only wish don't you?" She then snickered at him before she turned to look back at the fire.

Spade watched her carefully. The light touch on his jawline was quiet a shock to him but not as much as her next actions as she pulled her hand back and then tapped him on the nose. He looked at her wide eyed and pursed his lips together to stifle his laughter. "Is that how it's going to be?" he finally asked.

Noticing she was distracted with the fire. He quickly hoisted her up in his arms and pinned her to a tree with both her wrists over her head. His face directly in front of hers. "If only..." he replied with a deep growl escaping his lips. For that quick moment he was the predator and she was his prey. But that demeanor changed quickly as a grin curled over his lips.

Elix was smirking for a little bit until she felt him grab her and move her in a way that would take her breath away. Her breath caught as those ice blue eyes started to give off a slight glow along with her runes, her gaze looking up at his hand that held her wrists before she let her on gaze meet his. Her breath now speeding up a bit as he possibly struck a nerve.

Spade now satisfied with this reaction moved and let her feet return to the earth as he let go of her wrists. The moment she was let free she couldn't help but smirk as she closed her eyes, those runes of hers fading against her skin. "Get yourself some sleep, love." he cooed lifting his hand to trail his finger over her jawline, down her neck and stopped just where the leather tunic began. Another chuckle escaped him as he pulled his hand back and turned around to put some more wood into the fire as well as more twigs.

As his finger trailed over her jawline then to her neck she simply stepped forward, her hood still resting over her head as she leaned against him, he would then find her own fingers walking up his side before she slid around him gracefully. As she moved around him she let her fingertips trail lightly over the leather on his stomach, just above his belt-line, all the way to his other hip before she withdrew her hand. "Careful with who you play with, dove... you might be nipping at something you can't handle." She was smirking back at him now, that hood still hiding her face.

Spade watched her fingers as they trailed from one side to the other. That cocked grin of his curled more as he was more amused. "Mmm, so you're not the type of girl to fall to a mans touch... interesting." he cooed turning to gently touch her chin again. Though he wanted to see how she'd react, he wanted to see those runes again to inspect them more. His other hand slinked around her waist and held her in place. His touch was light, feather-like as he trailed down towards her collarbone. "Id say the same to you love... I wouldn't want to break you the first night we've met... so let's do this the right way. We stop our tedious teases, call it a night and we'll see how we feel tomorrow?" he inquired with a low growl. Spade wanted nothing more than to make her his. But not at that moment. In time he would.

The woman had a smirk resting on her lips now as she tilted her head back just slightly as he touched her, his words licking at her ears like the deadly poisons she enjoyed to use. As he made his suggestion she simply let a low almost wicked laugh escape her throat as she pulled away from him, turning to sort of dance back away from his form with her arms out to each of her sides, "You're fun you know... I might just stick around if you are lucky." Her hood was up now just enough to show her face as she shot him a wink.

She was good at this game as she stopped a few feet away from him, her arms then dropping to cross over her chest as she grinned now, "And darling, I don't think you have any idea just how hard it is to get into my clothes.. you don't stand a chance, gambler." The last word rolled off of her tongue like a purr as she was toying with him now. It was clear she was amused as she then reached up to pull that hood of hers back down over her eyes and nose, leaving that grinning face to be all he could see.

"Sleep sounds lovely... besides I rather leave men like you hanging on a whim." She let her grin fall into a mischievous smirk. Unlike most women he might be able to tell that she was going to be the death of him if he would get to attached. He liked to play but so did she, that much was clear.

Spade watched her, his lips pursing together into a grin. He enjoyed her teasing nature. She wasn't the type of woman to submit to him so easily. But he was curious. Was she a girl who acted like she had her shit together like a dominating woman, or was she submissive underneath all that exterior. It would take longer for him to find out either one.

Chuckling he quirked his brow as he moved his hand in a way to show her the way towards the tent like a gentleman would. Turning back around he placed some more twigs into the fire and stood up again. "Don't worry love, if you're wondering. I'm not hung up on your advances. It'll take much more than that. We'll see about that though. Just how quick you would be to take your clothes off for me... get yourself to bed before I make you regret it." he uttered with a wink to follow.

Elixandria let out a soft laugh as she simply moved toward the tent, "Fine, fine. I was planning on it anyway.." She was grinning a bit as she just slipped into the tent, before she poked her head out with her non-hooded gaze on him now, "I don't believe we will see about that, considering you will never have that pleasure." She offered him a light smile now and a small wave as she just went back into the tent once again, "Goodnight, boy."

Spade watched as she moved towards the tent. Though whenever she spoke he'd chuckle shaking his head. "Goodnight.... girl." he replied turning to sit more comfortably at the fire to keep watch for the night. His ears flicked hearing her move around in the tent. Glancing off towards the fire listening for anything else that could of been going on in the woods around them.

Inside of the tent Elix had already begun removing her leather gloves, pulling them off one by one a she listened for any more movement outside of the tent. After the gloves she moved to unhook that belt of hers setting it on top of her cloak with a light clicking noise of blades and glass. Oddly enough this woman removed everything but her leather jerkin and pants, keeping what runes and tattoos she had hidden under the leather. She looked about the tent now observing what she what she would find however the only things noticable would be the bedroll, an extra blanket, and some other camping supplies.

Finding nothing of interest for now Elixandria moved to her belt that she had thrown, she then reached into the neckline of her leathers to pull out what was clearly a necklace, something was on it that was much like a gemstone of sorts. She eyed it for a moment before pulling it off of her neck to set into one of her pouches. Her runes glowed now lightly against her skin for a few moments until she closed her eyes. After a deep inhale and an exhale the runes faded once again.

Exhaustion was clearly coming over her as she moved to lay on the bedroll, still wearing her leather jerkin and pants as she attempted to fall asleep, however for her sleep was ignoring her will. She shifted to turn to her left side, then to her right. Shifting once at least every five minutes before finally drifting off into a very light sleep an hour later.

Spade had his own problems falling asleep with his insomnia getting the best of him he moved to lay down to pretend he was asleep. Throughout the night he heard her toss and turn and then finally silence until the soft whimpering in her sleep. Turning his head slightly. He decided not to think anything of it since it wasn't his place. Closing his eyes, a soft sigh escaped him as he was finally able to sleep somewhere in between the night.

To be continued..

@kanekuran

#⚔ a ғιgυre loѕт ιn тιмe { spade }#elixandria #flashback series #camp #forest #the story of elixandria vulpini #spade #harmless flirting #dangerous game #figure

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prettycooregrey · 5 years

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So after setting up a 100+ plugin modlist for Raka, I started their official Skyrim SE run with SkygerfalI. This is really long. Like, really really long. And it’s packed with spoilers, so my fingers are crossed that the cut works on mobile because otherwise I am so, SO sorry to mobile users.

Links: Legendary - Special Edition

What a hell of a mod. It was so much easier to swallow than Daggerfall proper, I’ll give it that! For one, the 3D map in Daggerfall drives me batty. I can’t read it at all, and the samey graphics in every dungeon make them really hard to navigate. For another, Daggerfall notably averts the “take your time” trope where players are allowed to fuck off and do whatever they want while the main quest stays politely paused in the background - almost every single quest is timed, and exceeding the time limit is an automatic fail. It’s possible to lock yourself out of the main quest this way.

Thankfully, the Skygerfall mod recreates all the main quest dungeons with a significantly more helpful Skyrim-style local map. The mod page describes the dungeons as hand crafted, and... well, I’d personally describe it as LOVINGLY put together. The attention to detail is exquisite, and it absolutely feels like a recreation of the dungeons. In fact, it’s so carefully and thoroughly remade that for the most part, the original walkthroughs on UESP came in handy for the few places I got stuck (ahem... Direnni Tower). There’s so many twisting corridors, right angles, and those big huge pyramid-esque centerpieces. My unabashed favorites are the little diagonal rooms hidden within other small rooms, tucked into corners in and of themselves. My own playthrough of Daggerfall made me look forward to those spaces as good places to rest or find loot.

There is not much going on outside the cities or dungeons though! Since it was, for the most part, a single dev putting the whole thing together in their spare time, it’s just the main quest. Even the main towns are largely empty, save for tavern owners (who act as general good merchants), a blacksmith in Daggerfall proper, and any NPCs directly related to the main questline. Ironically, Scourg Barrow is one of the most populated places in the entire game, if only by volume of nonhostile NPCs! The palaces also have merchants and guards around, and there’s a... cheerful little kid over at Wayrest who would love to meet your Agent.

That means no questlines for any of the side factions, very few extra merchants to buy your high volume of crap (though you wont actually need more than one or two at a time), no side dungeons to explore, and nothing in the landscape between the map markers. There’s not even any generic NPCs to populate the towns, and almost no interiors.

Still, it’s entirely worth playing, if you want the basic runthrough of Daggerfall’s main quest in a familiar, modern engine. Particular props goes to some of the scenery and levels. Where there’s very little going on outside of your quest targets, the places that have been built are stunning. Shedungent’s exterior in specific enchanted me, looking exactly like a medieval castle with plenty of nooks and crannies to poke into (though no loot, unfortunately... not that I need any extra with how much garbage I haul out of those dungeons). Another particular detail that I loved were... pigs, actually. I loved the pigs. There’s a few dungeons that contain pigs, which existed in Daggerfall.

I love them. They’re darling.

I dunno, the fact that Oracus0 put so much time and effort into making sure that Skygerfall was a true to the original as possible, down to the animals passively hanging out, really brought me into it. Sure, I wish there weren’t giant scorpions in any game ever, but I can also appreciate that since they were in the original, they were there in Skygerfall (and that they dropped a Raka certified safe alchemical ingredient). And who doesn’t get excited when they see the loot pile model tucked behind a locked door?

I also ADORED - spoiler alert - Aetherius, which turned the game into a full-fledged puzzle platformer. Note to anybody playing through the Room of Fire? You can and will fall off if you’re not careful! But the scenery there is also gorgeous, with a stunning backdrop of swirling stars and galaxies, hellfire, and a wonderfully dapper Sheogorath (whose voice actor does a great job, by the way, of holding true to Sheogorath’s canon voice).

Bonus points for having (and I must emphasize) FULL VOICE ACTING. Every NPC available in the game has a voice. All of the custom NPCs have custom voice acting, and every voice actor did a real bang up job. There wasn’t a single character I encountered whose voice didn’t match them.

It’s also way more... cartoony? Than Skyrim, and it shows a lot in places where custom and vanilla 3D assets were used right next to each other. There’s a lot of blocky, and almost plastic-y walls, floors, sconces, etc that made some of the rough-and-tumble stuff stick out, but it’s not actually enough to take you out of the game unless you’re a really picky bastard imo. It works really well for being a faithful recreation of Daggerfall, which looked like... well. This:

I had a habit of taking pictures of any cool animals I saw in Daggerfall, especially if I haven’t seen them in TES before. Speaking of this awesome camel picture, not to fear if you’re worried about hauling all your crap out of the dungeons like I am (my partner has a hard time watching me play Skyrim with the way I lug out everything that isn’t nailed down to hawk later)...

There’s a mount waiting for you near Sentinel!

...(: That’s right. You get a camel. No need to buy it, it’s not tagged as theft (as of 11/12/19, a little under a month post initial release). It works exactly like a horse - hop on and it’ll help you bounce between map markers, even if you’re overencumbered by several hundred pounds of loose swords, gemstones, potions, and your enemies’ underwear. It looks AMAZING, and though you kind of clip through his hump a little bit, it’s again not really an issue unless you’re overtly picky.

The only thing I absolutely cannot stand is... mythril.

Mythril in this mod is... blue. The armor is gray, but the weapons and shield are blue. Not a silver blue or a dark slate blue in the way you’d expect from something metallic. No, I’m talking about Hawaiian Punch Blue Typhoon, I’m talking blue raspberry Airheads, I’m talking about Lapis lazuli from Minecraft and/or Steven Universe, Cornflower Blue Crayola, “her cerulean orbs” fuckin BLUE. That was the ONLY thing that really stuck in my craw. Raka is an archer, but in the event of an emergency they dual-wield daggers and for a period the best one I had on hand aside from the ebony dagger was mythril and I hated it. I resented it. Every time Raka had to get into close quarters I grumbled with distaste as soon as that goddamn Manic Panic deep dream knife popped out on my screen. I replaced it with adamantium as soon as I was able to.

Everything else was copacetic! As with the set dressing, a lot of the custom armor and weapons were kind of cartoony and might stick out in Skyrim proper, but they’re pretty charming in that way. If for no other reason than collection purposes, I took one of everything with me to Skyrim at the end of the questline with the intent to maybe display it in one of Raka’s player homes. Especially the adamantium, which out of everything fits in the best with vanilla Skyrim’s assets (as far as I can tell, don’t quote me on that, please!).

Again, it’s a very lovingly made tribute to the original game, with a lot of time and effort put into it. A lot of modder resources were used in order to achieve this end, and what an end it is. For all of the places where there might be criticism, it’s still a fantastic piece of work that deserves a lot of praise and appreciation, especially since it was largely a single dev working and learning by themselves to put it together. It’s still hours of content to work through, having taken me about 4 days to get through via my playstyle, even when it primarily involved jumping between map markers and delving into dungeons. God only knows I’d have never gotten to the actual main quest of Daggerfall in the original engine, and likely not even in Daggerfall Unity, as I was too busy messing around, getting headaches from the procedurally generated dungeons, and trying to climb the ranks of the Mage’s Guild and Thieves Guild. Not to say that that isn’t a fun and completely valid way to play the game. But Skygerfall allowed me to play through the actual main quest, kept me engaged with voiced characters and a streamlined series of events, and a thorough and faithful recreation.

A lot of people mentioned wanting more stuff between the towns and cities currently in the mod, but personally, going forward, I’d love to see what already exists be expanded. I’d love to see more shop interiors, some generic NPCs to chat with or ask about rumors from (or even just to fill out the space! I’m not picky!), and maybe some basic structure for some of the guilds.

That being said, it’s still a complete mod in and of itself. It has all the components anyone could reasonably ask for. It has its dungeons, it has its armors and weapons, it has custom spells, potions, and ingredients. It makes use of monsters from the Mihail mods, populating the underground with lots of scary and lore-appropriate foes to fight. It has very little to explore outside of that, but still offers a LOT, and I was able to enjoy the main quest of Daggerfall in a way that was comfortable and easily playable for myself, which is more than can be said for the clunky DOS the original game is built in. I would not be mad if Oracus0 decided to close it up, call it good, support bugs for a while, and moved on. They’ve done plenty in the way of Skygerfall, and though I’d love to see more I’m also incredibly happy with what I got! I’m pleased as punch, got to roleplay my little idiot moron bosmer in their original context, and then was able to seamlessly integrate them into the world of Skyrim (via Live Another Life, which is supported by Skygerfall) to enjoy the rest of their modlist. I can’t recommend it enough, especially if you want to get a feel for Daggerfall with some of the comfort and convenience of a better engine and less stingy limitations.

#tes #daggerfall #skyrim #mods #skyrim mods #daggerfall mods #ian plays: daggerfall #ian plays: skyrim #chatterbox.txt #oc: raka

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elsewhereuniversity · 7 years

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Dreadneldritch

No pets were allowed on campus.

The freshman orientation guide was very, Very clear about this point. Absolutely, positively, no pets allowed. (minor exceptions to be made for service animals.) And yet here she was, 3 weeks into her first semester, sitting on the ground, staring at a cat. It was staring back.

Dread had always been fond of animals. She had never been allowed to have any pets, (her father was allergic to most things with fur, and her mother just hated animals) but she had always wanted a cat. Multiple cats, preferably. And now she was sitting on the steps of her dorm, in a college where No Pets Were Allowed, staring at the most precious little ball of fur she had ever set eyes on. She knew far too well about the other rules (she was on her second roommate, now, and the delicate horns curling from the thing-that-was-not-her-first-roommate’s face had left an… impression.) She was very good about remembering iron, salt, and not to say please or thank you. But this was a very cute cat, and she was willing to risk a little bit.

It meowed. She held out a hand, and it walked right up to her, and “oh my goodness you are just the cutest thing!” she squeaked. The cat seemed satisfied.

She was, to say the least, conflicted. The rules were very clear, and the rules were generally right, but this was a very small cat, and she did not have very many friends, and really, she already knew what she would do. “C’mere, you.” She scooped up the cat and it snuggled into her jacket. “I’m going to name you Eldritch.”

—-

It was about three weeks later that things got… actively weird. She had managed to smuggle in, via the Walmart (which had no employees that day, she left the money on the counter and hoped that nothing Else would take it) a litter box and cat food. Eldritch seemed to settle in fine, and she traded her roommate 3 dollars and a cool rock in return for not telling anyone about the very, very illegal pet currently snoozing on her lap. The roommate, whose name was Chalkboard, seemed to like the cat. Chalkboard even gave the cat a cat-toy. When Chalkboard vanished (decided to take the “fake your death to avoid breaking up with your s.o” advice a little too much to heart), Not-Chalkboard did Not like the cat. Dread caught Not-Chalkboard making what looked like a very rude hand gesture at the cat on multiple occasions, although it’s hands were strange and it was hard to be sure. It was when Not-Chalkboard, after having a Very Intense staring contest with the cat for about 6 minutes, saw the error of its ways and vanished, leaving Chalkboard in its place, that Dread began to think something might be up. Eldritch said nothing, as cats are wont to do, but it purred a great deal when Chalkboard let it sit on her lap while she was doing her homework. This was, to say the least, Rather Suspect. Nothing more was said about it.

—-

Eldritch enjoyed going to classes with Dread, which was definitely for the best. She was distinctly Uncomfortable with the idea of leaving the cat alone in the dorm, even with the excessive amount of salt on everything that could possibly be considered an entrance. So Eldritch came to classes, and sat on her lap, or in her bag, and very pointedly ignored other student’s attempts to say “Hey dude what the fuck is that cat doing here”. Dread generally did the same. Some of the other freshmen liked the cat, but typically upperclassmen or even sophomores avoided them both. Too many of them had heard of Bad Things happening to those who neglected to give the campus cats a wide berth. Dread felt like that type of thing happened to other people. And besides, Eldritch hadn’t tried to consume her soul or remove her eyes from her body even once, so.

—-

Their favorite spot to study (or rather, Dread’s favorite spot, because Eldritch did absolutely no studying) was another iffy decision. She had learned very early in this situation that Eldritch was one thing, and the Crows were another, and the two Should Not Meet. So they stuck to areas the crows did not like, and made sure there was a nice grassy place, and occasionally fended off the Gentry via passive aggressiveness and vague grunts. She once traded a lock of her hair for a new container of 0.7 mm pencil lead, but that was about it. Still, she and the cat became something of a fixture in that area, because Eldritch marked her as something Other, and her habits made her leave shadows of herself wherever she liked to be. Other students would occasionally sit down across from her at the picnic table, and cautiously ask for a deal, and she would always laugh and say “I’m just human. I can probably help you study-” or talk to that girl, or whatever mundane thing. She would just wave off the Other requests, and give them a rock and a smiled “freely given”. Nobody ever mentioned the cat when they went over there. If they happened to see something else when looking through their glasses, or when furtively glancing through rings, they certainly didn’t mention anything to Dread.

They probably assumed she already knew.

—-

By junior year, Dread and Eldritch had, to the minds of other students, stopped being two separate entities. They were Dread-and-Eldritch, and could be found at the 5th picnic table in the Place Where Crows Are Not, and they were always happy to help with anything you needed, given that it was not one of Those things. Dread was happy to have people pay attention to her. Eldritch let on nothing, but seemed pleased. Nobody ever mentioned what Eldritch looked like when you Saw it. If some misguided freshman decided to try to ask, they were always prevented from getting there. Dread-and-Eldritch were doing just fine without that knowledge, thank you, and would continue to do so for a while. Occasionally, people asked Dread what she was planning on doing after college. She would always shrug, and say something like “I haven’t thought that far yet,” and change the subject. Eldritch kept its silence.

Really, though, she already knew what she would be doing, and it did not involve going away from campus for very long. Eldritch knew this, too. It had marked her as its own, all those years ago. All that was left was to seal it.

—-

When Dread graduated, she was a very different person from the friendless teen who had been staring at a cat on the steps of her dorm all those years ago. Powerful was… not the right word. But she was different. She had certainly prevented many people from doing things that they would almost certainly regret later, albeit passively. Eldritch sat on her chair when she walked across the stage, and when she went to get the rest of her things, Eldritch led her back to the picnic table in the Place Where The Crows Are Not, and made its first deal in over four years.

“You have been a good friend to many, and you have served me well during this time,” Eldritch purred, sounding so much like the same cat it had been for years. “We have helped countless others, in ways that I cannot alone, and with something that you have that I do not. I would like to cement this.” Dread nodded.

“I- yes. Okay. Deal.” Eldritch grinned in a way that would have been unsettling to anyone other than Dread, who was no longer truly human in the same way that Eldritch was no longer truly Fae. Exposure and belief were More here, and after four years of close contact with each other and doing the work of a faerie that wants to help people Without ruining their lives, it would be almost impossible to avoid any lasting effects.

Anyone who had been present for this transaction, if they had eyes and a mouth and an ability to think, would have described it as a sudden bright light from the two of them, and a feeling of Weird. At this point, anyone with these prerequisites also likely would have fled, so the end of that is not known. But it is known that when Dread Felis applied to the position of “Counselor”, and her application would not leave and she also would not leave, the staff had very few choices but to hire her. The cat-that-was-not-a-cat sitting on her shoulders, with one amber eye that seemed normal and one blue eye that was all too human, and Dread’s eyes, the mirror image of the cat’s, also helped them make that decision. Her office is always open, and if you see Eldritch around (they spend time away from each other, now that they can see through each other’s eyes) it’s sometimes a sign that you should go talk to her. She won’t bite! And even if she can’t help you, or what you need help with is something that they Don’t Do, you’ll always get a someone to listen to your problem, a cool rock, and a smiled “freely given!” from a face with one cat eye and two people behind it. —————— (This concept has honestly been such an inspiration and I really wanted to write something for it, and the idea of one of the Gentry legitimately wanting to help but not being able to by nature latching on to a student and both of them becoming something Else seemed like a good idea! I hope it’s canon compatible! I know nothing about colleges)

[x]

#firequeenomalis #stories #dread #eldritch #the Counselor #ahhhh this is so good #pets #submission

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strawberryspeachy · 4 years

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I dont remember what i was watching the other day that made me think of this....

And i have a particular.... somewhat particular. Not just one opinion more of a.... branch like opinion. Like that theres many stems kind of thing

Anyone that cares to read into this will probably get what one of my opinions are. But i wont blatantly say it... yet. Because. Yes

When i was in school we had lock down drills about as many times as we had bomb drills.... not super frequently but we were familiar with it

Thought it was absolutely bonkers when one of my teachers complained that he wasnt allowed to put a blackout paper on his door and then went on for the next ten minutes about how he put his desk near the windows so that if a shooter came in he could jump out the window as thr shooter killed us instead and then hed run around in the trees..... well ignore that he got fired for being a racist peice of shit

Anyhow. Not as frequent obviously when i was in school. But talked about enough that apparently a lot of kids thought about it

And here i go

Cause it wasnt all kids. It was a lot of kids.

I only heard about these thoughts when someone told me they were nice to one of my friends so that if she shot up the school shed be spared. This friend - most people made fun. They liked to try and rile her up because if someone got to her she responded loudly and audibly. Ya know. Youre normal weirdo

Another of my friends often joked that the teachers looked at her like ‘the next columbine kid’ and that they probably had a button for her. Cause she was quiet and didnt talk to many people and mostly just drew and kept to herself except would get visably stressed over exams.

And the only other times the thought of anyone i went to school with showing up with a gun came up - was after a bunch of asshole kids would taunt and push a kid to the point that they would scream - get in trouble for screaming - and then storm out of the room. Then other people would say - yo stop fucking with him before he brings a gun into school

I also. Encas it wasnt obvious. Was an outcast that generally was really quiet - a pretty decent candidate for someone who might snap. A couple times during those hushed conversations - that i took notice of - a couple people would look my way and do that thing preppy girls do - where they talk even quicker amoung themselves and then say hi in that way... that way that your recognize is making fun of you but cant describe to anyone because they do it so they wont get in trouble for it

I told some kids when i did twitch -how i responded - they said id get expelled for it now. Yea probably. Unfortunate. Because my way of handling them always brought a smile to my face.

Those couple times the conversation would turn from whatever kid they just ran out of the room onto me - id always respond with something like

Oh dont worry i wouldnt bring a gun to school (pause and look as psychotically methodical as possible) i have better ways that wont send me to jail

Then id glare at them - keeping eye contact - until all their smiles faded and they looked away

Sometimes thered be that one girl who whined about how mean of my that was to say and would go on a tangent as though she wasnt just making fun of someone 50 seconds ago. Shes gonna tell the teacher. Why do i hate them? Start asking me a bunch of fucking questions. Just in the shrill voice going on and on

Honestly those ones of the worst one. Like they go from bullying to pretending they were the ones being bullied by the kid theyre tormenting in a flash. The ones who want attention. Who know that if they just keep whining loudly the teachers will give them what they want to shut them up. When they did that with the loudly reactive kids - theyd get the kid that just got bullied in trouble for having an argument with them because their resons to their rhetorical questions woulf be stuff like “cause your a bitch and you and your friends wont leave me alone” and then the teacher would hear things like bitch and get the other kids in trouble

Idk about other schools. But in my school it was nice that we had a good amount of apathetic kids who would step in and tell that whiny girl off for first making fun of someone and then pretending she was the victim to to just stfu

Also the way that these shrill obnoxious girls... normally girls. Ever stop. Is by laughing? Yea when someone would finally get them to shut up and stop theyd laugh it off with their friends.

Well anyway.

Thats all for that post..

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lexslifemyjourneymystory-blog · 6 years

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Self Worth... Relationships & Sex

Today I woke up thinking about my relationships from the past, as well, as sex from the past and where I stand now.

In active addiction there was no self worth... lying to myself on a daily basis of what I thought I deserved, what I could control, how I could manipulate the relationships I had through sex and absolutely no self worth. How I used my body, my looks, and the attention I got to feel my “self worth” Till one day I could no longer do it... No longer could I use my physical appearance to fill that huge void inside me... that Black Hole that’s inside me.

By no means have I mastered doing the opposite of these behaviors, but today I can feel a little self worth inside me... I don’t absolutely hate myself... I don’t desire to sleep with someone to have that power or control over them... I don’t desire to give all of myself...

In the rooms, wherever we are located... we start sleeping around and we start hearing the whispers... the judgement... the labels... everyone's opinion. What we forget, or at least for me... who were we sleeping around with before we got into Recovery? Some of us stayed isolated so others didn't know, or we ran in small circles and kept that shit to our self when it came to sex. We take the drugs away and think we are better, when we see others behaviors, we want to call them out... but what about OUR behavior? What about my behavior? We don’t change over night... its through trial and error, right? I mean we tried to use successfully and it didn't work. We tried using successfully a few times and it still didn't work, at least that’s my story.

I know the first time I tried to get clean back in 2015, I might have put the drugs down, but my behaviors didn't change. I continued to sleep around, tried to still have that power and crave that attention... what I felt was pain in the end....

For example, my personal experience and manipulation was sex, but also relationships... to get you to fall for me and then dip at the sign of feelings... to have people lust for me... to have this sick power where when I walked in a meeting (at the time) that you wanted me... SICK AF, right? That Black Hole I speak about was so big inside me that sex and relationships was how I “filled” that emptiness of no self worth. Not even knowing or being able to recognize it.

Sometimes I would wonder was it from the sexual abuse I experienced, was it just who I was, or was it the only thing I knew how to do. I think a combination of them all.

Its crazy now though, because today I don’t even know how to be that person, of course I like attention still, I mean who the hell doesn't? But, for me, if I know someone is interested in me based of looks and not wanting to get to know me for me.. I mean I CANT EVEN... I don’t know desire or even know how to do it... because its not what I want. Its not who I want to be... I know I will make mistakes throughout my journey where my old behaviors will creep in and that sick part of me that power hungry will come out. But my mistakes or lapse in judgement wont define me, just the way my mistakes and actions in active addiction don’t have to define me today.

This topic has been on my mind because after all I am human I have desires, but I also have a tad bit of self worth and control over my actions to where I know the person I am striving to become. It may not always be easy, but it is rewarding. For me, I never thought I could go 90 + days without sex...yeah I am still working on the relationship part... maybe the attention part as well... but what do we say, I believe its “progress not perfection”

Lets take a moment to think about our actions, and not be so quick to judge others while they are on their journey of Recovery... I mean shit I know half of us at least who were IV users used toilet water to mix and load our next shot!

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hopelesslyfloating-blog · 6 years

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11/27/17

Any way I guess I am supposed to talk about my feelings or some shit. No. Here are some things that you should know about me before you form any sort of image. Stupid shit mostly. First of all, if it wasn’t already completely obvious, I do not in any way want to do this writing thing. However, I am forcing myself to do it, so that something knows and feels the way I do. I don’t really know if I am supposed to aim this like I’m talking to myself or someone else. Purely for the sake of conversation and comfortability, I guess I will form this like I am talking to someone else. So anyway, I like poetry and stuff. I enjoy listening to the emotion that these talented people use in their voices when they are reciting their own written works of emotion. God that sounded gay. I guess im kind of emotional. When I feel emotion that is. A lot of the time I feel really numb, but then other days I feel a fleeting happiness. Mostly everytime I hang out with my friends CS, TF, and HK, I feel happiness but even then in the back of my mind Im still sinking. Also, way too early to tell, but I may be falling in love again for this girl named CH. Will update with more about that later. Anyway, back to the main course. Its not fair and fucking stupid. This shit doesn’t make sense at all. My life is fantastic and I have all the potential in the world. But this fucking guy. Hes always around and never leaves and usually he just pops up for a quick visit like a distant relative. But this time, he wants to move in. He wants to set up shop and has already started moving his luggage in, but I don’t want him or his shitty existence. He has already started cutting down my posters and wallpaper and I try to tape them back up using my star wars band aids. He talks to me all the time. When im alone it’s the loudest whisper in the world. When im with friends he screams at me, but I can usually drown him out using conversation and alcohol. Maybe I should start working out again. Ive heard that’s a great distraction. Anyway this fucking guy always wants my attention and he never ever wants to leave me alone. I hate him and I hate myself even more for allowing this pitiful excuse for a being into my life. I absolutely loath it. My cousin will and my brother C tried to have an intervention to get me to get that fucker to move out with the help of a “professional”. Fuck off. I still have trouble sleeping at night. He stays up with me though. I guess that is some form of company. Music is also as effective as a drug. I guess the only good thing about having this fucker around is that we like the same music. Right now, I’m listening to more calm, quiet music that I can relate to. So yeah sad music. As opposed to the loud guitarish sad music I normally frequent. I tried to introduce this guy to my friends CS, TF, and HK. I was absolutely waisted at the time, but I guess I still felt the need to introduce my new roommate. I say new like he hasn’t been around since 8th grade. I don’t believe they liked him very much. They told me he made them uncomfortable. So I thought that I couldn’t hang around them anymore because of how alike he and I are. So I had a quality evening alone with him and vodka. We tore down a couple more pieces of wallpaper but they made quite a mess and I ended up passing out. Anyway so that’s kind of where im at currently. He keeps telling me he wants us to go on a vacation together. I am really contemplating it tbh. He said I wouldn’t have any stress or worry or anything. He normally discusses this with me while he is eating my food early in the morning. He eats a lot and for some reason it makes me not want to eat at all. Plus if I don’t eat over my “calorie count” I can lose weight. HK told me that, he used to be a personal trainer or some shit. So I feel like right about now I need to give my roommate a name just for the sake of abandoning pronouns. We can call him D. Is not short for anything its just a letter. D is a fucking asshole. That being said, sadly now I feel like I cant live without him, or with him for that matter. I do not apologize for feeling this way about him or saying any of the shit I do. I do apologize for letting people in my life get attached to me. That is gonna be difficult when I go on vacation. Im sure I can find some excuse to use. I guess I should also mention im fresh off of a breakup with a girl I loved for nearly 3 years. That’s a story for another day. I don’t know how D will handle it when I tell him that I plan on going on a spring vacation with CH, HK, CS, N, and TF. All really good friends, but I don’t think they would get along with D. Maybe I can introduce them some time, Nope fuck that not doing that. Terrible idea. School. We are going to talk about school now. I used to be successful at school but now I feel as if im a failure. I cant focus or concentrate on nearly anything school related even though I know I need to. Im a junior in college at the University of Tennessee. Im an accounting major, and yes I know that’s a cringe. Most people find it boring but to be honest it really interests me. School is another hang out spot with D. He rides with myself and my brother C. Im the oldest sibling out of 3 total. Myself, C, and H. I have decided not to get too personal with the names in case anyone doesn’t want theirs out so initials and first letters only. School. So I guess talking about school leads me into talking about the future. I once had my future completely laid out and planned to the year. Now not so much. I thought I wanted a family at one point in time but I wouldn’t want to put them through the stressfilled burden of dealing with D and i. New topic. Last night a girl told me that I had a “very pretty soul”. I was so caught off guard by this. I disagreed with her but would not tell her why. Im scared if I mention d she wont want anything to do with me. D and I were having a rather loud conversation filled with tears and blood last night around 4 am. I won this round. I called my friend who intimately knows about D and who he is. She didn’t exactly help me out like she used to. She more preached “God” to me more than anything. I am not a religious person for many reasons we will come back to. Any way im going to go try to feel something for a bit. I will return or I will not we will see. –JNM

Im back for now. My mind is empty and I feel like a useless piece of meat. –JNM

Alright so I have decided to upload all of these entries onto a blog thing and that made me feel good so im adding it the the list of rules. I have to upload everything I write on here by the end of the day. So back to business. I am now chilling in the student union waiting for cooper to get out of class and my mind is completely empty. Im listening to some music CH recommended to me. Its by this guy named Lord Huron and he is pretty fricking good. Im normally not into this type of slow and happy music, but I guess a change is pretty nice. We are supposed to hang out tonight so im pretty excited about that. Honestly im kind of nervous because I want this to go a certain way but I don’t believe that’s what she wants. She just got out of a relationship too. We have talked about it and both agreed that neither of us want a relationship right now. I lied. We have so much in common and its absolutely fantastic. We agree on a lot of deep issues like aliens and coffee. She is one of the people who I text back immediately. I guess that could get kind of annoying to her. We haven’t really discussed anything deeply personal yet. I doubt we will for a while. Part of me really wants to take it slow with her and do it right, but that isn’t what she wants to do. We have plans to go eat pizza, play at an arcade, and then head back to my place to watch a movie. –JNM

Alright I am home now. School went well despite the fact that it was boring as hell. CH is coming over and will be here very soon. I cleaned my room and this day has taken a turn for the best. Im happy now so hopefully that can be kept up. I also put up more posters in my room. Today will end up being a great day. So yeah. Nothing else is really on my mind at the moment. I listened to a lot of good music today. I put together a playlist on Spotify specifically off of songs that CH would like. This initials only thing is getting annoying as hell. Ah well its not that big of a deal. Well I will come back and update with anything that happens. –JNM

Well. What can I say. It was a fantastic night. We watched 2 movies and talked about everything we could think of. Then we made out. I am happy and today turned out to be a great day. Now im going to try to fall asleep before D comes around and tries to ruin it. Goodnight!-JNM

End Day

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