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royallyprincesslilly · 9 months

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Title: Message My Heart {One Shot}

Lewis Hamilton x Famous Reader

Warning: Cursing, Heavy Angst, Some Fluff, PLENTY OF WORDS,

Words: 8.2k

Summary: You are a famous and jaded singer. You’ve closed yourself off from others and even experiences. However, one unexpected comment changes everything.

Note: Let's pretend we all can't recognize or man in .2 seconds from a super pixelated shot of his forehead alone. Let's pretend that we never followed this man a day in our lives. LOL

As always, thank you for reading! I appreciate it!

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

~~~~~~~~

You'd posted this on a whim, as a joke and nothing serious. It was a night you should have been kept away from your socials, a night of heavy drinking, illicit smoke passing your lips, and hours and hours of dancing until your legs were sore and the bottoms of your feet were numb. A night of laughs, tears, anger, and joy. A night all in the hopes of forgetting the loneliness of your existence.

Though you were never alone you always felt it. You were always surrounded by at least 10 people at any given time, always having someone snap your picture, scream your name, begging for an autograph, for you to smile, for you to pose this and that way, for a moment of your time, your voice, your heart, your life.

It was exhausting always being on display like you were 24/7 entertainment and not a person. Everyone believed you belonged to them and hence you had no right to privacy, no right to be human or left alone. Everything was always so intense and fast-paced, so sexualized and impersonal. You guessed it was the price to pay for the life you chose because of the vocal talent you possessed and oftentimes you believed you had no right to complain because you had chosen this, though you had no idea what this really was all those years ago.

You groaned, wrapped your fur blanket around your naked figure then took a heady sip of your mimosa. Then you scrolled through the comments underneath your post. You rolled past comment after comment of men giving you their sexual fantasies which ranged from mild to very depraved. You were beyond shocked that people would actually speak filth like this on social media for the world to see and not feel shame.

As you scrolled, you also noted how most of those sexual fantasies were deleted. That told you that your social media team was on it and doing the job they were paid handsomely for.

Your ringing phone drew your attention and without looking you knew it was your manager. You sighed then answered.

"Yeah."

"What were you thinking posting that? What did you think would happen?"

"I wasn't thinking."

"Damn right you weren't. The ways that statement could be taken."

"It's not like it was meant the way it was taken! Look I am not going to apologize for the depravity and lewdness of most of the male population. I will not take responsibility for that, nor do I deserve you calling me to belittle me about it."

With that, you ended the call. He was on thinner ice than he'd ever been before. You were ready to fire his ass before but now you were past ready. Your anger tried to overtake you but you recited the mantra you'd learned from your Balinese getaway where had a strong spiritual awakening that made you confront just how bad a shape you were in.

It took 7 repetitions but at the end of them, you felt more rooted in your strength. You continued scrolling rolling your eyes at comments that were weird or cringe then your finger hovered over the screen as a particular comment caught your eye.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Take you away from everyone who makes those beautiful eyes empty and sad so I can gently caress and love away the pain that shines through wrapped around the lyrics of every slow song you put out that your voice so hauntingly expresses to the world. I would just simply love you for all you are that you hide from the world and all you wish to be that you fear you can never be.

For a very long time, you sat there staring at the words in a complete daze. You sat there so long that you actually forgot to breathe. When your chest burned and your head got light, you gasped filling your lungs. You then read the comment again.

Holy shit, you thought.

Who was this person? So many things raced through your mind. Was this just some random person, some random response? Did they know you? How was everything he said so on point? They'd seen through your eyes. Heard the pain. Slowly you began hyperventilating but quickly you got yourself under control. Who was this?

You clicked their name but found their account on private. You contemplated messaging them but quickly decided against it. It was stupid to do.

So you went about your day fulfilling your obligations and doing everything you normally would. Smiled for the cameras, posed for pictures, signed endless autographs, chatted with fans, kept everything PC, shook hands, and gave the people what they so thought they were owed. Every bit of yourself.

However, as your day progressed and winded down you couldn't stop thinking about the comment, and the more you thought about it, the more your curiosity increased. So by the time you were on your way home for the night, you went back on social and sent a follow request before you chickened out, then closed the app.

Though you tried to forget it, you didn't. So as you ate dinner, watched TV, showered, did a little work then wrote some lyrics you had it in the back of your head. When you checked it you couldn't help but smile as you found your request had been approved. However not much was posted in the way of a face. There were plenty of animal pictures, landscapes, and abstract things but nothing to tell you who this person was.

So with nothing to quell your curiosity, you backed off of their page ready to close the app all together when a red '1' appeared indicating you'd received a message. It took all of 5 seconds for you to open it.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Didn't imagine this would be the end of my day when I started it.

You smiled. Hell neither did you.

You: Me neither.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: To what do I owe the pleasure?

You thought about your possible response. You couldn't just tell the truth...could you? After some minutes you bit the bullet.

You: Why did you comment that?

You watched the three dots appear and disappear 5 times as you anxiously waited for their reply. You imagined all the things they could say, all the ways you'd possibly misread the situation and made a wrong decision. Just when you thought you couldn't take it anymore, came a lengthy response.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: I was just being honest and some more honesty would be that I've been following you for a long time and been a fan for about the same time and there is something about you. Something ethereal, something poetic and hypnotizing.

You: Ah. Another fan of my looks. Okay. I get it.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: This has nothing to do with your looks and everything to do with your aura. To be truthful I am convinced you look 1000 times better without the layers of makeup and lashes. It cheapens your beauty. The glow around you has changed over the years. It began beautiful and golden and has morphed into copper, then rust, now it is barely visible and just a shimmery black as if you are a former shell of who you were.

Talk about a stab in the gut. You read their words over and over and thought back to something the Dali said in Bali. It was something similar, something just as profound. A shiver rushed through you producing goosebumps along your flesh.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: I posted that comment because I saw you and wanted you to know it. I wanted you to know that while the world wants something--everything from you I want nothing but to give something to you.

The tears in your eyes made your lids heavy. You fought the inevitable struggling to keep them at bay.

You: And what's that?

The reply was lightning quick as if he knew you'd ask.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Safety and love.

That was it. That was all it took for your bottom lid to give up and release the floodgates. Your tears cascaded down your cheeks and they didn't stop for long minutes that turned into hours until you'd cried yourself to sleep.

~~~~~

-12 Weeks Later-

A stranger's kind words to a random drunken post ended up being a gift from the universe. Every time you talked which was every day now he put you at ease. It was like having the worst case of poison ivy that nothing soothed but that one salve you decided to try on a whim. He was that salve and every time you spoke his effect was one that mystified you.

Your moods improved, intrusive thoughts decreased, and depression staved off. Hell, even your outlook had changed. Once everything was bleak. You saw the worst in everyone and everything. You were Ms. Pessimistic always with the defensive wall because you expected everyone you encountered to be trash. Now, that outlook had changed and because of the chance you were giving him and him not fumbling it was slowly changing your mind about people.

When you asked him what his motives were, he simply said to be your friend because you looked like you needed one of those more than someone to tell you how beautiful you are or break your back. That answer floored you. Never had you had a man who wanted to be your friend as opposed to something else--something more.

So friends was what you became. He became one of your biggest supporters always cheerleading you on through social media. He was the ever-present positivity your negative mind craved. His light and vibe were contagious and soon they'd infiltrated your whole outlook. He even got you into jogging, which you hated. Every morning at the ass crack of dawn you were jogging together sending snapshots of the view you were zipping by, short text messages throughout, and even voice messages.

You often decompressed together either watching a movie, playing against one another on gaming platforms, or just doing the same activities in your own towns. Through it all, you still didn't know what he looked like still didn't know who he really was and though you were curious, you also were afraid to rock the boat.

When your friends found out about him they often badgered you into figuring out who he was. They even offered to do a deep dive investigation on social to figure it out. You knew they could crack the case in a few hours but again the fear told you not to.

"What are you afraid of?"

It was a good question that one of your best friends, Alaana, asked as you sat with both of them in your theater room watching the latest release on Netflix. Twiddling your fingers, you avoided her eyes.

"Do you think he's a perv?"

Your other friend, Takia, gasped as she shot upright. "That he's a catfish?"

"Who is he catfishing as? She doesn't even know who he is let alone if he looks like who he says he is," Alaana pointed out.

"So what is it? Afraid he's butt ugly?"

The two cackled together as if they were the best stand-up comedians alive while you gave them your best unamused expression.

"Just tell us," Alaana whined.

"Rocking the boat."

They stared at you in confusion which made you even more frustrated. With a kiss of your teeth and a sigh you continued.

"Disillusionment. What if finding out who he is or what he looks like rocks the boat and destabilizes everything? What if things change and not for the better? Like I have no idea how this man I know nothing about was able to--"

"Bring back the Y/N before you got famous and jaded?"

The three of you nodded and sat there in silence for a few moments as if giving that silence to your former self as a show of sorrowful recognition.

"He hasn't even done anything. He's just been...there."

"The universe usually brings us what we need at the time we need it. What if he is what you need?"

"I've thought about that the last few weeks. I don't know how but somehow the way I think of him has changed. I daydream about him and get giddy when I think of him. I don't remember this with anyone else and it's weird because I don’t know him in the slightest."

"You like him," Takia accused.

"I don't know him."

"Girl, please. You've been talking to this man every day for the last 3 months. Every day. You know his routine, know his likes, dislikes, and dreams. You know him so just take the next step. Maybe you guys can make things work past friends. His first initial message to you was that he would love away the pain and love all you are that you hide from the world and all you wish to be that you fear you can never be."

Hearing his earliest words spoken made goosebumps skirt across your skin. They still affected you, still made you weak.

"No lie at first I thought it was creepy but seeing how pure and innocent it has turned it doesn't make me cringe anymore. I think at least find out who he is then decide."

"What if he's some normal guy who is like a doctor or teacher?"

"Would that make you think twice?"

"Normal people don't do well in this world. It's hard to understand and adjust to."

"Or maybe he is in this world."

"Making anything work in this world sucks especially if they are already in it."

"Which is the more appealing one?"

Just then your notifications went off. Checking it, you found a new message from him.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: I'm sorry I'm on a business trip and it has been a crazy day. I'm all yours now. How are you?

You smiled and typed out a reply.

You: No need for sorries. I can't expect to have you all to myself 24/7

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: And why not? It's nothing short of what you deserve.

Lite fluttering butterflies took over your stomach making you burrow deeper into the couch.

You: So are you saying if I want you 24/7 then you're mine?

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Even if you don’t want me I’m yours.

"Oh my god," Alaana squealed.

Glancing back, you found Alaana peeping over your right shoulder and Takia over your left. Both had literal heart eyes.

"Ask for a picture," Takia badgered.

"Tell him you'll send one too," Alaana backed up.

Shaking your head, you chewed your bottom lip trying to stick to your guns though the curiosity was killing you. Just then, another message came through.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Scared you off?

You chewed more intently on your bottom lip as you thought over his words. You weren't scared in the slightest.

You: It takes more than that to scare me.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Good to know. So the real question is, could you--would you want me?

Seconds later, an image came through and you sat there dazed staring into the most beautiful pair of brown eyes you'd ever seen.

"Wooooow," Alaana and Takia said in unison.

"That there is a beautiful man," Takia added.

She was right. Though you could only see his eyes you could see that they were kind eyes and kind eyes said a lot about someone. It had been a long time since you'd looked into a pair of kind eyes and now faced with his, you wanted nothing more than to stare into them for the foreseeable future.

"Holy Shit," you exclaimed.

"Right. Girl, I can tell he fine. I can tell these things. You can see it in the nose bridge. That's a nose bridge of a fine piece of man," Alaana said.

"The nose bridge? Come on Lana, I would have said the eyebrows and the lashes. Like, did he go to the lash bar or something? I'm jealous," Takia added.

You heard them but nothing was registering. His eyes held you captivated.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Take your time. I'll wait.

And wait he did. Your friends booed you for not answering with a resounding "hell yeah", but you didn't let it phase you. Tucking your phone away, you tried your best to focus on the rest of the movie while ignoring the big elephant trunk sticking out of your phone as if to remind you what was happening in it. You didn't need the reminder. Your mind was already thinking and overthinking the exchange.

By the time your friends had gone to sleep it was almost 2 in the morning and no matter how you tried, sleep evaded you. So with your phone in hand, a bottle of wine in the other you trekked to the pool and set yourself up. It took less than 5 minutes for you to end up back on your messages. 6 hours had gone by since his last message. 6 hours you'd left him on read. 6 hours you'd thought about his words. You pressed the audio record button then sighed.

"Even before you sent that picture...I could and would want you."

Your finger hovered over the send button and it was fear again that stood in your way. So as you did 12 weeks ago, you took a deep breath, closed your eyes, and pressed send. After, you dropped your phone on the lounger, grabbed the bottle of wine, and took a hearty gulp of the sweet red liquid. This brand had a higher alcohol content than most of your whites which meant it would be the best 'no thinking' wine for you. It would make it easy to relax and just exist in the moment. You leaned back and gazed into the sky. You were far enough away from the lights and glitz of the city that you could see the stars and tonight you were glad for it.

Releasing a sigh of contentment, you realized it had been years since you felt this calm. It was easy to get lost in the view which is what you did. By the time your notifications went off again, you'd had half the bottle of wine. It was a voice message.

His normally deep voice was even deeper now. He sounded as if he'd just woken up or was very intoxicated and in the mood for nothing but sin. You pressed your knees together as a sensation you hadn't felt in years washed over you--desire. Who in the fuck was this man to have this power, you wondered incredulously.

"Wow. I honestly didn't expect you to reply. I'm pleasantly surprised."

Smiling you took another mouthful of wine.

"Sorry it took so long."

"It's all good. No need to apologize. I understand you better than you think."

"How exactly? You've never met me."

"I actually did, once. It was in passing and I guess I didn't make an impression so..."

Your eyes bugged as you wracked your brain trying to figure out if you'd seen his eyes before. There was no way you'd forget eyes like those.

"Trying to think over all the people you've met through your life to see if you remember me?"

He sounded amused.

"I was trying to figure out how I could not remember eyes like yours. Since I don't think it's possible I'm going to say you're full of shit."

The recording that came next put the biggest smile on your face and set those butterflies flapping again. His laugh was a thing for masturbation.

"Real talk though."

"So safe to say you're not a teacher or CEO of some major company."

"Ha, no not a teacher. As for a CEO of some major company...that's pretty accurate."

You continued to think over who he could possibly be but nothing was sticking. The only thing that was sticking was more and more curiosity and confusion.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: As I said before. You'll know when you're ready and when you are ready...really ready for me I will be there.

You stared at his words. They were words he’d sent before. Words he'd patiently abided by. Words he apparently meant. Your heart in your chest purred as of it were blissfully soothed and content. Staring back up at the stars you gaped in wonderment.

"Wow."

~~~~~~~

-4 Weeks Later-

You: I'm ready.

You stared at the message you'd sent 30 minutes ago. You couldn't believe you'd mustered up the courage to send it let alone actually meant it. In the last 16 weeks, there had been more than enough things that were working for him than against him. He was kind, funny, patient, funny, gentle, honest, gracious, spoke of his faith in things in such a way that instilled faith in you. You'd gone from not seeing the point in continuing if emptiness was all that awaited you to wanting the next day to come so you could experience new things through and with him.

Takia asked you a week ago if you'd fallen in love with him and though you were apprehensive to give her any response your heart lurched and thudded even more strongly within your chest. Since then, you'd thought even more about meeting him.

Today you woke with a stronger desire to meet him, touch his skin and see if he smelled how you imagined, like vanilla, cedar, spiced and fragrant musk, an open field of lavender, and lemon thyme and ripe citrus. You just wanted to be in the same room to see if you were romanticizing a stranger for his kind words or if there was really something there.

"You'll be late if we don't leave now," your new manager Iyla said.

Since firing your old manager and having Iyla come in who was always in his shadow because of how obnoxious he was you'd felt better and better about your career. She'd really stepped up in the past few weeks and showed you what you already suspected, that she was good at what she did and was a much better fit for you.

Once you were out of the hotel and in your car on your way to the venue you were set to perform at, you harmonized your new song trying to make sure you had everything right. It was partly because of how much of a perfectionist you were but also to distract yourself from the silence on his end from your message.

You tried not to think that he'd seen it and left you on read or that he was not on the same page as you anymore or that he'd changed his mind about you. There were so many thoughts and possibilities running through your head that work was the only way to quiet them.

20 minutes later you arrived at the Versace show where you were going to perform. This would be a first where live music was used for the models to walk the runway rather than backtrack. When Donatella had approached you with the idea you leaped at the chance. Half of your closet was filled with Versace so there was no way you'd pass this up.

"This is so iconic," Iyla said as she readjusted your altered vintage Versace dress. The material fit you like a glove and accentuated all your striking features.

"You will be the first ever to perform at a Versace show, hell any show that isn't the VS shows. You are about to break into another layer of this atmosphere, forget the stratosphere," Iyla said with a wide smile.

There was something about her that always made you comfortable. Her vibe always gave off excited and caring big sister and you loved that.

"Are you nervous?"

You wiggled your hand to show her how in the middle of the fence you were.

"Don't be. You look amazing and we already know your voice is sublime. Talk about an Indica trip."

You smiled already feeling calmer. As you walked the black and gold carpet you smiled for the cameras and did a few interviews. Overall everyone was looking forward to the performance and the show. Across the way, you heard a commotion. The photographers went into a tizzy and fans that were mingled together across the street looking on screamed. It sounded like a K-pop concert instead of a fashion show. People loved fashion but they didn't get this crazy for it.

Carning your neck you tried to see what the fuss was all about and instead saw fans losing their ever-loving shit.

"Oh my god, it's Lewis Hamilton," one screamed.

You'd heard the name plenty of times but you'd never paid much attention. All you knew was he was British and did some kind of sport. You watched on as he stepped up on the carpet and posed in his all-black outfit. You watched on for a few moments curious as to what all the hype was. He was too far away for you to make out much of his features but from what you could make out, you had to admit he was attractive.

Though you felt Iyla tapping you to tell you it was time to move you couldn't. There was something about him that was so captivating. Alas, you had a performance to kill. You turned and saw Donatella approaching you with a huge smile.

"You look even better than I thought you would."

"That's kind. Thank you but I am only the vessel for this beautiful piece of art you've created."

The photographers screamed for you both to pose so they could get the shot and that is what you did for almost a full 10 minutes. No amount was good enough for them, they wanted more and more and more.

"Ah, Lewis. Come, come, come. Join us!”

You spun and found the same man from a few minutes ago approaching. His smile was wide as he looked at Donatella but when they shifted to you his smile slipped. At the sight of that for some reason, your belly sank. Did he know of you and didn't like you?

As quickly as the smile disappeared it appeared again. He embraced Donatella kissing both her cheeks as he exchanged pleasantries. You caught a whiff of a scent that couldn't be cologne. It had to be him. It was strong but not in an overpowering way. Though he didn't stand too close to you, you could catch notes of spiced wood, and rich floral undertones that smelled as if fragrant flowers had been gently smoked over a fire to unlock their deeper fragrance. He smelled good--mouthwatering even.

Donatella turned to you, "Do you know Y/N? Have you met?"

Your eyes met and instantly the feeling of familiarity washed over you.

"Uh--,” you began.

"No, I've never had the pleasure, Lewis said holding out his hand for yours.

You placed it in his palm and felt the familiarity shake you again in the form of a sharp but almost comforting jolt. Neither of you budged though.

"Are you sure? I swear I feel like I've seen..."

"Trust me if I had ever been properly introduced to you, I'd remember."

His eyes held you locked in place. There was something familiar about them but you knew you'd never met him before. He was right. You were sure you'd remember eyes like his. Lewis suddenly dropped your hand, then slipped to the other side of Donatella to take part in the photos. Then like a thief in the night he was gone. Who was that you thought to yourself.

As showtime approached, you tried to forget the strange encounter and the way your body came alive from his scent. The more you tried to forget the more you focused on it but instead of thinking of the man you'd just met you kept thinking about the one you'd been talking to for the last several months.

A notification came up, sending you to your DMs.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Ready for what exactly?

Seeing his message your belly fluttered. It truly had been a while since you'd had a reaction like this to anyone.

You: You know what. Ask me again.

30 seconds ticked by, then a minute, and the whole time you tried not to chew your lip. When another message came in, again your belly flipped.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Do you want me?

Seeing the rephrased question instantaneously brought up your anxiety. It was direct on purpose because he wanted an intentional answer. Not a possible or hypothetical one. Oh, you thought. This man was different from any other little boy you'd encountered and every fiber of your being said take a chance.

Unable to resist, you bit down on your bottom lip and chewed forgetting all about your plum-painted lips, and prepared to type your reply but before you could get a letter down Iyla called your name telling you it was showtime.

5 minutes later, you were backstage waiting for your cue. You would be the first to walk out and down the runway as if you were one of the models. You'd then take your seat and begin. You should have been nervous about it but you weren't, you were more nervous about the message you were about to send.

A few of the models gave you hugs and thumbs up for support just before the stage manager gave you a nod for you to go. Once you stepped through the threshold, you took note of just how many people were there. The creative director had done amazingly on the set and ambiance. The large pool in the center of the runway space really was a vibe. The audience instantly erupted in applause as you stuck your beginning pose for dramatic effect.

What a dream you thought as you took your first step down the sleek white platformed runway. There were plenty of little girls who dreamed of this moment and here you were living it. It had been a while since you were open enough to feel gratitude but here and now you felt it in full force. Another thing to credit the man who still hadn't revealed his name for.

As you walked you noted the plethora of celebrities that sat around the runway at their posh-looking garden tables watching every move you made. You saw singers, actors, models, and even athletes from varying fame levels. On your turn, you saw Dwayne Wade who was seated next to Lewis Hamilton. Both men gave you an appreciative and polite head nod as you passed. When you got to the end of the "U" shaped runway you stopped and the audience again applauded you.

Once you were seated behind the piano, you adjusted your microphone and got ready to get down to business. As the first chords of the piano played for the intro you fully gave yourself to the track. A few lines in and the models began walking showing off the art that had taken months to prepare.

The song you'd chosen tonight was new. It was something that had come to you since you'd begun your interactions in your DMs. It was softer than the songs from your last album which was quite heavy. The lyrics were flirtatious, the melody fun and soothing but it was still somehow all you.

20 minutes later you'd sang 4 new songs and was in the middle of a piano solo that would close out the show. When Donatella stepped out after the model precession went by, you added some flair to the solo giving Beethoven and Bach a run for their money. The audience clapped and whistled as you showcased your musical abilities, abilities that had gotten you your current fame and status. Upon the grand finale, you hit the perfect ending chords making Donatella laugh.

The two of you walked on either side of the line of models toward the center of the "U" shaped runway to meet and join hands. She gestured to you making the audience applaud and cheer. You did a dainty curtsy then motioned to Donatella and cheered loudly which promoted those around you to do the same. You stood there allowing the photographers to take pictures for a few moments. When you glanced down you realized you were standing directly in front of Lewis whose eyes were glued to you. The smile on his lips was soft and the look on his face was endearing. You wanted to ask why but you shook it off.

2 hours later after endless pictures, interviews, autographs, and tens of flirtatious men trying to either get your number, get you to give them your number, or convince you to leave with them for the night; you finally had time to yourself. You finished your glass of champagne, leaned on one of the 9-foot tall hedges, and scrolled through your phone.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Your voice is still haunting and amazingly beautiful, but your eyes are no longer sad and empty. God, you are gorgeous like this.

Smiling, you took a deep breath.

You: I want you.

You were sure of that now.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Are you sure?

You: Yes. I've spent the night having CEOs, oil tycoons, actors, models, athletes, artists, and men from every other profession you can think of flirt with me, attempt to spend the night with me, and try to create some sort of connection only to fail miserably because all I can think of is you and the fact you haven't once flirted with me or tried to convince me to spend the night with you.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: I didn't know you wanted me to.

You: I didn't either. Now I do. I want you to. I want you to do all of that.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: What if I don't want to convince you to spend the night with me? Spending the night with you is the least of what I want to do with you.

You: What do you want?

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: I want your days. I want your afternoons. I want your trust. I want your honesty. I want your vulnerability. I want your mind. I want your heart.

Once again he'd stolen your breath.

You: And what do I get in return?

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: I will give you smiles. I will give you laughter. I will give you joy. I will give you honesty. I will give you my days. I will give you my afternoons, my nights. I will give you my loyalty. I will give you trust. I will give you vulnerability. I will give you my mind, my heart, and only when you are sure you can match me I will give you my body and all the passion and fire you can stand.

Wow, you thought.

You: I'm in Cannes for a few days. I fly out the day after tomorrow. How can we meet?

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Depends. How badly do you want it?

You: I'm not thirsty or anything but a hard 9.

A voice message came through of him laughing. Then another.

"I'm glad you can hide your thirst but I won't. Not anymore. I'm at 100."

It was your turn to send a voice message of you laughing.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Glad you find my suffering funny. I'm currently in Cannes too. If you trust me enough we can meet tonight.

Your brows rose. He was in Cannes too? What a coincidence.

You: Tonight then.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Tonight.

You felt all sorts of giddy now. It overshadowed the nervousness that was trying to overtake you. Fifteen minutes later, as you left the fashion show venue, another message came through.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Vieux Port, 12. Tell this to your driver and they will know where to go.

You smiled then attached a photo of yourself from the night and sent it.

You: Me now so you don't miss me

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Jeez. You're beautiful Y/N.

You: It is a bit unfair that I still don’t know your name.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: You'll know when you see me.

You dropped Iyla off at the hotel with an excuse of wanting to sightsee then you took the drive to the port. On the way you texted her the location you would be in case you bumped into trouble. With the window down, you relaxed into the scents of Cannes. Baked goods, salty sea air, citrus, and sand. It all smelled wonderful. You'd been here tens of times before but this was the first time you'd taken time for yourself to mellow out. You were in a completely different headspace than you were on previous trips and it felt so freeing.

15 minutes later, your driver pulled up to find 2 people, a man, and a woman, already waiting there. Your phone vibrated with a notification.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: I sent Verona and Linus to escort you. They are waiting at the port. I promise you're safe.

Another message came with 2 pictures and vouching credentials. Sighing, you relaxed again. He had thought of everything. As you approached the two they smiled.

"Verona? Linus?"

"Yes. Ms. Y/L/N?”

"Yes."

"Wonderful. Please follow us we will take you to the vessel," Verona said.

As you walked behind them you couldn't help but wonder what vessel and how he'd pulled all this together in less than an hour. Who was he exactly? It took all of 3 minutes until Linus and Verona both stopped in front of a lavish yacht that looked like it was at least 3 stories.

"Whoa."

"Ms. Y/L/N, after you," Linus said with an outstretched arm pointing to the boarding plank ahead.

You stood there for several moments thinking about things again. Were you really going to get on this yacht with someone you’d never met before? Were you really going to be this trusting?

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: I had Verona and Linus provide your driver with the details of this yacht before he left. I've told him to give it to your manager so they know where you will be and how to contact authorities if you aren't returned safely. I’ve also asked them to check in with you every 30 minutes using a code word they choose. I don't want you afraid of me Y/N. If you are afraid I won't think anything of you turning around and we can try this another way, a more public way with your manager present. Whatever you're comfortable with.

You didn't know if it was game or not but his words calmed you. Maybe it wasn't his words and the fact that he thought ahead and provided these securities for you to feel safer. A call from Iyla came through then.

"OMG, Y/N. Wow. I have so many questions and I want all the details later but your code word is Calamari. I will call every 30 minutes."

She sounded excited and you had no idea why.

"Got it."

Just like that, she ended the call. Why was she so excited? You wondered if she knew something you didn't as you put your phone in your bag. With a breath, you crossed the plank and allowed a man dressed similarly to Linus and Verona to lift you onto the yacht.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. He is waiting on the top deck. Follow this hallway to the steps at the end and up you go," Verona instructed.

With a nod, you were off. As you walked you noted just how luxurious the yacht truly was. Did he own this? If he did he was possibly in or close to your tax bracket. You weren't sure if you should be happy about it or leery. If he was in your tax bracket it could mean he was a celebrity as well. At that thought you paused on the 4th step on the stairs.

You thought about celebs that you'd tried to get to know or date and cringed. All of them were slightly weird with quirks you couldn't handle on top of your schedule and responsibilities. A celebrity relationship took a lot and you didn't know if you could give any of it.

"You're getting ahead of yourself, Y/N."

You took a breath and continued. When you reached the top of the stairs your jaw dropped. There were candles and flowers everywhere. Slowly you looked around and realized they weren't just any flowers, they were your favorite flowers.

"Oh my god," you whispered.

With a step forward you took in your 360 view and you knew that no matter who he was you wanted to try for him. As you looked behind you, you walked backward distracted by the beauty surrounding you. He'd somehow managed all of this in under an hour. Somehow he'd filled the entire top deck with all your favorite things. Your favorite flowers were covering every surface of the floor. Your favorite scented candles were lit and their scent wafting in the air. Your favorite snacks and treats lining the railing on the left. Your favorite fruit lining the right railing.

"He's really been paying attention," you softly said.

"Of course I pay attention. You're important to me."

You stumbled to a stop but kept your back to the voice. You recognized his voice. You recognized it from your messages and even tonight. Suddenly, everything swirled in your mind as it slowly came together.

Hi, Y/N."

You took a deep breath and turned. Your jaw dropped while everything fell into place as you looked into eyes you'd seen before this moment. They were eyes you'd looking into mere hours ago.

"I'm Lewis."

He smiled and your heart skipped a beat but words escaped you. He didn't speak again, he waited with his hands clasped behind his back. He wore the same full black outfit from earlier but he looked even better in it now with the candles and flowers as his backdrop.

"I--you--oh my god. You're--”, you began.

"Blessedbeyondmeasure44? Yes, I am."

The silence stretched for a long moment before you snorted.

"Bullshit."

Lewis chortled in return then let out a chuckle.

"I've said it before but God I love that you have no censor and say the first thing that comes to your mind."

Your eyes bugged. He had said that before.

"No. You're not."

Lewis smiled and took a few more steps to you, "How can I prove it to you?"

"Prove?"

You wracked your brain trying to make sense of this and come up with a way he could make you believe this.

"What was the first thing I said to you in DMs?"

Without hesitation, Lewis spoke, "After you sent a follow request I said I didn't expect that this was how my day would end and you said me neither."

You raised a brow. "What was the last thing we did together?

"We went to the beach. You went to Crystal Cove in Laguna Beach and I went to La Concha because I was in Spain at the time. You sent me a beautiful picture of a cave and said it was one of your secret spots. It was called--.”

"Dana's Point," you finished as he proved his point.

"I can show you the messages, and our pictures including the one you sent earlier so I wouldn’t miss you. I wouldn't miss you though Y/N. You stand out no matter what."

He took another step to you leaving only a few inches between you. He reached out and took your hands.

"I have missed you though. I've missed you in so many moments that I wished you were with me, so many experiences I wished I had with you. I missed you every time a message of yours came in. I even missed you in my dreams."

You lifted your hand and cupped his cheek while staring into his eyes.

"I knew I saw those eyes before. I felt it."

Lewis smiled. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to do this in front of those cameras and the crowd. I'm sorry I wasn't 100% truthful."

You smirked.

"Your message."

Lewis cupped your cheek in return. "Your voice is still haunting and amazingly beautiful, but your eyes--," he paused then cupped your other cheek. Using his thumbs, he softly slid them across your cheekbones. "Your eyes are no longer sad and empty. God, you are gorgeous like this."

Tears welled your eyes and you scoffed.

"Now you flirt with me."

A chuckle fell from his lips and if you hadn't fallen for him before you definitely had now. You hung your head and shook it.

"I am so stupid. This whole time."

"You're not."

"You're Lewis Hamilton. I am sure any other woman would have recognized those eyes. I had no clue. Hell, I don’t know the first thing about you, not really. Yeah, you're a racer but other than that..." you shrugged.

Lewis lifted your head his hands now cupping your skull. It put you on high alert at just how large his hands were. "Hey, love that you had no clue. I love that you don't know me. It was refreshing. I loved these last few months of you knowing me and me knowing you without the extra stuff."

"We know the extra stuff now. Oh my god, from the ruckus on the carpet of the Versace show you're a huge celebrity. How in the world---."

Before you could continue your freak-out Lewis' lips were on yours. It was like you’d stuck your finger in an electrical socket. Your entire body came to life as if his touch was life itself. His soft lips slowly pressed against yours before he opened them enough to take your top lip between his. From there all thought escaped you.

When one of his hands slipped around your waist you moaned unexpectedly. Where had that come from? Your body had no trouble following along. You pressed yourself closer to him relishing the tingles that skirted across your lips and everywhere he touched. Just as you were going to sink your fingers into his braids, Lewis pulled away keeping his forehead to yours.

"Do you want me?"

His voice was low and deep and it wrapped around you pulling you closer to him.

"I-I don’t see how I can have you."

Again Lewis kissed you. This time he delved his tongue into your mouth wrapping it around yours, teasing you to open more for him. When you did it was because you moaned. He took advantage of that opening and kissed you in a way that said he was not letting you go. His moan melded with yours and you felt his other hand tighten as he held your skull. Tearing his lips away, he panted as harshly as you were.

"Do you--want--me? Because I want you Y/N. I want you even knowing the obstacles in our way. I want you more than I have wanted anything in a long time. I want you in ways that surprise me and make me year all at once. I'm not saying this will be a walk through the park. I'm saying I want to walk together with you from this night on. Do you want me too?"

He had to be kidding. Who in their right mind would say no after that? You snorted then laced your fingers together behind his neck thrusting yourself flush against him.

"I want you more than anything. I want you in my life. I want to really run with you though I hate it. I want to go to beaches together and have movie nights truly together. I want to see the same sunrise and sunsets you see. I want to touch your skin like this whenever I want instead of thinking about it. I want to smell you every day. Yes, Lewis. I want you too."

The look in his eyes held you in place as did the tightness of his arms that were now wrapped around your waist holding you possessively against him.

"I can't wait to give you the world Y/N," Lewis said in such a way you knew he meant every word.

"I don't need the world, nor do I want it. I just want you."

His smile was the cutest thing and you knew you'd never get tired of it.

"You have me. Next up...the world."

You smiled then giggled when he lifted you in the air and spun you around. You laughed louder loving the way the sound came from the very depths of you and how authentic it felt. When he put you down you were at the railing looking out to the ocean.

"Started from a DM now we here," Lewis said making you snort.

"Started from a DM soon the whole world will fuckin hear bout it."

Lewis threw his hands up.

"Ayyyy!”

You laughed loudly and soon he joined in. When he wrapped his arms around you again he gazed into your eyes but said no words. Slowly both of you moved closer until your lips softly touched. Neither of you moved. You took the time to savor the feel of your skin connecting in a way your minds and souls already had. A way that he had retaught you, a way that he so patiently and diligently worked for and it all started when he messaged your heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TagList:

@chaneajoyyy @caramara3 @valkryienymph @babyflowa07 @est1887 @halfrican-heat @mauvecherie-writes @nunya7394 @lovebittenbyevans @gardenwonders2 @sweetlikecoffy @dillie60 @ olabelle757 @ophiaedits @kenequa @triton08 @skyesthebomb @shipatheart @keytodespair @xsweetdellzx @labella420 @coldmuffinbanditshoe @ak329 @shar74nett @youremysuperstar @whore-like-behaviour @sonjashuterbugjohnson

@alookintohersoul @asiaaisa77 @jd-now-jq @naturalthrone22 @mrsbarnes-rogers @beyourownkindofbeautiful @beccacupcakesxo @toni9 @wonderlandfandomkingdom @partypoison00 @queenoftheworldisdead @doublesidedscoobysnacks @sophiealiice @richonne4life @coffeebooksandfandom @siempremamita @raveviolet @dumbchick @amennariee @briellableu @leebabe444 @31miw-inkpsycho

@rororo06 @disaster-rose @bugngiz @yourwonderbelle @queenbetter @melaninhawtie @bekindbecoolbeyou @heartfullofgolden @idkiwantchocolatee @missuniee @avngrsfangirl @a-highly-opinionated-mess @19jammmy @nunya7394 @eltima02 @motheroffae @luckydiorxoxo

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#lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton fanfiction #lewis hamilton fanfic #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton drabble #message my heart one shot

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arriansarchive · 11 months

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Eddie Munson/Demon!GN!Reader HCS

Nobody asked for this, but I saw a fic, and I needed to do it.

He would end up looking like he's talking frantically to himself because your invisible to all but him

You make him more menacing if that makes any sense

Like you waft off a displeasing aura to the other bullies and Jason and people

Whenever he would talk to you, he's always super extravagant about it

You never know why (you usually just stare at him until he's done talking) because it makes him look just a bit more crazy

As you can make yourself seen of you'd like, he's made you show yourself to hellfire club a few times

It was Dustin who was the most enamored with you besides Eddie himself

They both would drag you somewhere populated and make you scare people by staring at them beyond corners

You got a few screams but mostly just stares of horror

Mike would reluctantly be around you since he seemed to be very scared of your demeanor

I mean you are a demon afterall

How Eddie met you was most unfortunate though

He ended up stumbling across a weird ass book inside of a thrift store that someone left

He didn't even look at the title, just the weird design on the back and then bought it without a second thought

Eddie later read some of the book out loud to himself

He was confused on why it contained weird symbols and other languages

And then BOOM!!!!!!

There you are

He's not amused with you whenever you'd move stuff around his room just to mess with him

He swears you have some poltergeist genes inside of you

Always plays you weird songs that you can never understand the lyrics to (rock songs go way over your head)

"what's it saying?"

"to be honest, Y/N, i don't know myself."

Despite being quite the intimidating demon due to your height, he thinks you have a good sense of humor

(that humor is fucking with him and he gets a laugh out of it)

(so you don't actually have a sense of humor)

Dustin on the other hand, hates it whenever you and Eddie would be at his house and you would knock toys off their shelves

He would scream into the open air hoping to be looking at you

(he never was)

Dustin's mother almost had a heart attack whenever she barged into his room one day

Eddie and Dustin had to convince her that her brain played a trick

That's all I have right now. There will probably be another one though

#headcanon #stranger things #eddie munson x male reader #eddie stranger things #eddie munson #stranger things headcanons #headcanons #male reader

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withoutyouimsaskia · 1 year

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Remember Me, Special Dreams

Part XVIII.

GIF: Originally posted by @khun-sam

Summary: Self-insert. You're having trouble with recurring night terrors and Morpheus pays you a visit. (Title from the lyrics of Placebo’s Special Needs)

Warnings: language, angst, mentions of night terrors.

Word Count: 1.5k

A/N: Hello there, how are things? Many of you may be aware that it’s Tom Sturridge’s birthday today so I’ve decided to release this chapter a day early to celebrate! I really hope you like this one, let me know. I’m squeeing at the thought of you reading it! Take care, all my love, Saskia <3

Sandman Masterlist

-----------------

Morpheus meets you at the end of the bridge that is furthest from the palace. He stands with his hands on the stone side as he surveys the lake.

“Hi, Morpheus,” you begin, your tone as bright as the sun above you. “Where are we going today?”

He looks towards you with a mischief loaded smile.

“There is something that I would like to show you.”

Your curiosity is ignited. “Okay. I’ll let you lead the way.”

The King of Dreams sets off with his usual powerful gait.

“How was your day?” He asks.

“It was quite lovely, actually. The summer weather is doing me a lot of good.” Seasonal affective disorder usually hit you hard. “What did I miss when I was awake?”

“My sister spent some time with me.”

“Your sister?”

“You seem surprised.”

You fumble for words. “Well, um, it’s just that you’d never really mentioned your family before and now you've made contact.”

"Our conversation last night inspired me.”

Happiness literally radiates from him and it warms your heart.

“I’m really pleased for you, Morpheus," you say warmly.

“I told her about you.”

Your eyes widen with shock. You were not expecting that at all and the thought of people talking about you was a sensitive issue. “What did you say?”

“Just about your nocturnal abilities and how we are managing them.”

Your chest caves in with relief; it was nothing too embarrassing thankfully. “Which sister did you see?”

“My elder sister, Death.”

“What is she like?”

He looks down, selecting his words. “She is wise and compassionate beyond measure and I admire her a great deal. I think you would like her.”

“It sounds like you have a strong bond.”

He nods. “I would go as far as saying that she is my preferred sibling.”

You laugh. “I’m not sure you’re supposed to have a favourite. From what I’ve observed, it tends to annoy the others.”

“I can assure you that there is no shortage of friction-inducing incidents in my family, regardless of whether I declare that I prefer my sister.”

“Oh.”

He comes to a stop and you follow suit.

“We’ve arrived,” he announces. “This is Fiddler’s Green.”

You stand at the mouth of something that instantly reminds you of an illustration of a glade you would find in a fairytale story book.

Swathes of green grass stretch out before both of your boot-clad feet. Pockets of wildflowers create a mosaic of colours giving detail to the viridian background. Delicate ox-eye daisies contrast against the electric purple splashes of cornflowers. The cowslip look like little yellow fireworks. Foxgloves of every colour imaginable rise up higher than the rest of the flowers with confident majesty.

Tall trees, heaving with blossom fill the upper third of your vision. In the distance there is a waterfall. It flows with torrents of aquamarine into a pool below that is as blue as Morpheus’ eyes. It has been so long since you have seen one that it makes your soul sing.

Pink blossom petals scatter in a gentle breeze, falling like fragrant snow. You notice that the breeze moves like breath. Rhythmically. It flows languidly in and out using the glade as its lungs.

You are completely silent, overwhelmed by the scenery. It is another one of those moments where you feel humbled.

"Is something amiss?" Morpheus questions.

"Not at all."

His eyes narrow a fraction; he is completely unconvinced.

"You've become very quiet all of a sudden."

“Can you blame me?” You look down feeling self-conscious.

“I suppose not. This place is supposed to have that effect.”

You take a couple of steps, sending dandelion clocks into dizzying spirals. They disperse far and wide. There’s a suggestion of a path so you take it, walking right up to the edge of the body of water.

Shafts of sunlight refract spectrums through the liquid. Its surface is lightly dappled by the action of the waterfall. The sound is serene.

You carry on strolling absentmindedly until you decide to take a rest a few paces from the tree line.

There’s a cluster of bee orchids nearby, you notice them as you sink into a cross legged position. Morpheus, who has been walking beside you the entire time, sits next to you. The sun is warm on your face and you feel so contented that you close your eyes.

However, not long after, you are forced to open them again because your sixth sense starts pinging.

You find Morpheus staring at you.

"What?" You ask as a nervous blush bleeds across your chest and up your neck to your face. “What are you thinking about?”

"I am recalling the first time that I met you,” he replies.

Your stomach muscles pull inwards. "I'm still really sorry about that. I was quite stubborn wasn't I? And talkative. I can’t begin to imagine what went through your mind when I immediately told you that you were attractive. You must have thought I was a right odd duck. Not that there's anything wrong with ducks. Ducks are great... Sorry, I've started babbling.”

You look at your hands resting in your lap.

"I cannot deny, it was one of the more eccentric encounters that I have had with humans.” His tone changes from playful to reassuring. “But I cannot hold it against you. You were dangerously sleep deprived, and I have since got to know you as a person.”

“I’m sorry about that too,” you deadpan.

“I’m not.” He replies abruptly, missing your sarcasm. “You are a remarkable being and spending time with you brings me great pleasure.”

“I feel the same. Your friendship means a lot to me.”

You both become silent.

Out of the corner of your eye you see a strange movement from inside Morpheus’ coat. You tilt your head to one side inquisitively.

“Have those stars always been there?” You ask as you focus in on the galaxies tracking across the lining of the garment.

“Yes," he says softly.

You wonder how you missed them before. You lean in, wanting to see them in greater detail.

“They’re beautiful,” you breathe. “Are they real?”

“Yes.”

Your fingers extend instinctively but you pause before you get too carried away.

You find his eyes.

“May I?”

He nods and pulls the coat open a little further to aid your endeavour.

You shuffle closer, reaching out with your dominant hand.

A thrill goes through you as you make contact. Your gaze widens and a little gasp falls from your mouth. The sensation is nothing like you expected it to be.

The stars swirl trails of warmth over and under the layers of your skin with the faint tickle of an ASMR reaction. You wonder what it would be like to actually wear the coat and whether it would feel like heaven.

You look back to Morpheus. His eyes are closed and there is a peaceful expression on his face.

The whole thing suddenly strikes you as feeling very intimate.

You pull your hand a centimetre back and Morpheus' eyes flutter open. You make to retract even further when his own hand captures yours.

Your lips part in surprise. He relaxes his grip.

"I apologise.”

"It's okay.”

He takes a deep breath through his nose. “I oftentimes recognise that I am touch deprived and may find myself craving it."

“It’s okay,” you repeat again. “I understand that feeling too."

To add evidence to your reply, you return your hand to his, releasing a wave of shivers from the residual energy of being in contact with the constellations.

Morpheus’ eyes are locked with yours as he speaks. "You're trembling."

"There's a lot of power in that coat," you murmur.

He hums in response, and the sound goes right to your chest.

“There’s a lot of power in you too.”

All he can give is a controlled nod in return. You can literally feel the anxiety seeping out of him.

There are candyfloss coloured petals flying about you, settling on both your bodies and the grass you are sitting on.

You are getting delirious. You question if you should have touched the coat for as long as you did.

Your heartbeat thuds in your ears. It’s galloping away, showing no signs of slowing down.

You can’t handle the intensity of his gaze anymore. You close your eyes.

Morpheus’ breath is cool on your cheeks. Then, his equally cold fingertips graze your cheek, your jawbone.

Suddenly the touch is gone. You are crestfallen, about to open your eyes again when his lips brush yours.

The act is so tentative that it makes tears prick from behind your eyelids. You daren’t move.

He kisses you again. It’s fleeting and chaste, loaded with care and respect. It makes you feel as if you are the most delicate thing in the universe.

You decide that you like the emotion it invokes within you. To be treated with reverence; it was something you desperately wanted to receive and also share with someone. And so when Morpheus’ lips find your own again, you return the sentiment with as much of your being as you can muster.

---------------------

"What a way to go to bed with those thoughts inside your head."

Taglist: @pinkcyclewitch @layla2-49 @shoidy-cat @silverhart93 @boofy1998 @dotieeee @ponyboys-sunsets @fangirlmary @littledollll @fatimakinney @jamiethenerdymonster @rosaren2498 @mr-sandman-bring-me-a-dream @madiebear @sandman-33 @sallysal9 @asiludida164

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 25 days

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Michael After Midnight: "Sir Psycho Sexy" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

youtube

For April Fool’s 2024, I decided to do a bit inspired by Todd in the Shadows called Ford Analyzes Tunes And Song Stuff, or FATASS for short (a little nod to how Todd’s moniker can be shortened to TITS). Basically people would send me a song, and I would give some wacky analysis or review of the song that was probably the opposite of my actual, genuine opinion. For example, for Nickleback’s “Photoraph,” I claimed the entire song was actually a bittersweet gay romance. It was a fun exercise in crafting absurdity from even the most mundane or stupid lyrics. But it did leave me wanting to review a song for real… and what better than one of my favorite songs of all time?

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are a band that need no introduction, but I’ll do it in case some of you out there don’t listen to good music and/or hate California: RHCP is a funk/alternative rock band formed in 1982, though they didn’t really cement their status as one of the best bands around until their release of the alt rock classic Blood Sugar Sex Magik in 1991, an album that produced the personal and powerful “Under the Bridge,” the hard rocking “Suck My Kiss,” and the all-time banger “Give It Away.” It’s a fantastic album, one of the most influential of its time, and many regard it as RHCP’s best work—including the band’s bassist, Flea. I’m certainly inclined to agree; it’s a nice middle ground between their heavily funk-influenced early work and their later more radio-friendly rock tunes. Don’t get the wrong idea here—they were, and still are, a very good band—but I think in my opinion the 90s were the decade where they really stood out from the crowd as trailblazers in the rock scene.

With that out of the way, it’s time to single out my absolute favorite song on the album to talk about: An eight minute long track titled “Sir Psycho Sexy.” With a title like that and an impressive length to match, you know you’re in for something bonkers, and I’d say the song delivers in spades; it’s a funky rap rock epic that is hornier than almost any song before or since. The rizz the titular Sir Psycho Sexy of the song displays is beyond that of any mortal man, and it is simply glorious. This song is also a song that inspired one of my Ocs—Flynn Dangerfield from the Rhine City series my wife and I are working on. If you’re unfamiliar with the character (and you shouldn’t be, the rough drafts for the story are pinned at the top of my blog), this is like if Alex Hirsch said Dipper and Mable were actually inspired by Flowers in the Attic.

If you don’t believe me, then read on as I riff on one of my favorite songs and showcase the brilliant lyrical insanity of a 90s rock band that was likely high as a kite while writing this. Also, this is your warning: These lyrics are insanely NSFW. This isn’t nearly as bad as the last song I riffed on, “Pregnant Pussy,” but it’s up there. You’ve been warned.

So this song is sort of a story, and every story has a main character. And what a character we have here; Sir Psycho Sexy is his name, and getting pussy is his game. How does one introduce such a man?

A long, long, long, long time ago Before the wind, before the snow Lived a man, lived a man I know Lived a freak of nature named Sir Psycho

Not a bad way to start things. Lead singer Anthony Kiedis really sets up Sir Psycho as some ancient, powerful force of nature, a being who has existed as long as there were babes to fuck and who is so eternal he was there before wind or snow. Mind you, this is before we get into all of his insane sexual feats and astounding prowess with the ladies, so we have the coolest guy in the universe right here. Let’s see what else there is to say about him:

Sir Psycho Sexy that is me Sometimes I find I need to scream

Oh. Ok then. So Anthony Kiedis is Sir Psycho Sexy. This is either self-insert Mary Sue fanfiction, or it’s an autobiographical tale describing things that actually happened. Let’s be super duper charitable and call it the latter. At any rate, the fact he just likes to scream sometimes is universally relatable.

Still, you may not be convinced how good the song is from this opener, as it can come off as blatant wish fulfillment fantasy. Thankfully, the second verse opens with the greatest lyrics ever written by a human hand:

Deep inside the garden of Eden Standing there with my hard on bleedin' There's a devil in my dick and some demons in my semen Good God no that would be treason

This is absolutely blasphemous, disgusting, degenerate, explicit, and one of the funniest fucking set of lyrics to ever be in a song. “There’s a devil in my dick and some demons in my semen” is not a phrase you hear every day, and it certainly won’t leave your head after you hear it. And don’t worry; things only get better from here!

Believe me Eve she gave good reason Booty looking too good not to be squeezin' Creamy beaver hotter than a fever I'm a givin' 'cause she's the receiver I won't and I don't hang up until I please her Makin' her feel like an over achiever I take it away for a minute just to tease her Then I give it back a little bit deeper

So I don’t know what could be expected, but Sir Psycho plowing the Biblical Eve is probably not the sort of thing you could imagine when first popping in to listen to this song. When you take into account his ancient nature from the first verse and the fact he’s got his boner dripping blood in Eden in the first few lines of verse two, this is really the only logical next step though. The real question here is, is Sir Psycho supposed to be Adam, or has Sir Psycho tied up Adam to watch as he busts in Eve more times than should be humanly possible? If he’s “Makin’ her feel like an over achiever,” I’ve gotta imagine he’s not stopping after round one, two, or even three. I do like the detail that Sir Psycho won’t give up until he pleases her; it’s very cool and considerate that he cares enough about his lover to ensure her satisfaction too.

I got stopped by a lady cop In my automobile She said get out and spead your legs And then she tried to cop a feel

Verse three begins with an extremely sad case of police brutality and sexual assault. Poor Sir Psycho was just driving along, minding his own business, when he’s pulled over for no crime whatsoever; the cop just wanted to fondle him. These lyrics really say a lot about our society, and the state of the police force in America when even gorgeous immortal studs aren’t safe from the pigs.

That cop she was all dressed in blue Was she pretty? Boy I'm tellin' you She stuck my butt with her big black stick I said, "What's up?" now suck my dick

Some interesting tidbits of information here: Sir Psycho enjoys being pegged, and he has a death wish. What kind of absolute madman says that to a cop that has them at his mercy? Does he really think he can turn the tab--

Like a ram getting ready to jam the lamb She whimpered just a little when she felt my hand On her crotch so very warm I could feel her getting wet through her uniform Proppin' her up on the black and white Unzipped and slipped, "Ooh, that's tight" I swatted her like no swat team can Turned a cherry pie right into jam

Are we sure this man is Anthony Kiedis and not British Prime Minister David Cameron? Cuz he sure does like fucking pigs! Sir Psycho, with his ancient pornomancy powers, takes “fuck the police” to a whole new level, completely turning around whatever situation he’d gotten himself into.

And now we get a shift in the instrumentation, and the lyrics kind of mellow out and almost feel a little romantic(at least in a 90s funk rock way):

Hello young woman that I love Pretty punk rock mama that I'm thinking of Hold me naked if you will In your arms in your legs in your pussy I'd kill To be with you, to kiss with you, I do miss you I love you Lay me down, lay me down, lay me down, lay me down Lay me down, lay me down, lay me down, lay me down Descending waves of graceful pleasure For your love there is no measure Her curves they bend with subtle splendor

This part genuinely feels so tender and, while it is extremely horny, Sir Psycho seems especially reverent of this woman, this amazing “punk rock mama.” I kind of think this segment pulls the entire song together, giving us a brief respite from the more overt sexuality and into something that genuinely sounds sweet, albeit in a decidedly horny sort of way.

Of course, we soon get back to Sir Psycho’s usual escapades in the final verse:

Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the funk will make me freak If I should die before I waked Allow me Lord to rock out naked

And after this, we get kinky before wrapping up this song and heading to an extended instrumental outro:

Bored by the ordinary time to take a trip Calling up a little girl with a bull whip Lickety split go snap, snap Girl gettin' off all in my lap The tallest tree the sweetest sap Blowin' my ass right off the map Ooh and it's nice out here I think I'll stay for a while

So full disclosure, this really, genuinely is one of my favorite songs of all time, and perhaps my favorite RHCP song. It’s so audacious, in-your-face, and unabashedly horny, and in a day and age when people seem hellbent on removing sex from art, it’s nice to go back to a simpler, sluttier time and jam out. Is the length a bit excessive? Sure, probably, but length like this is all Sir Psycho is capable of.

The song is honestly not too dissimilar from the last song I reviewed, “Pregnant Pussy” by UGK… at least in terms of audacity. Where that song was trying to be as disgusting and depraved as possible to get a reaction from the listener, essentially being the nastiest troll song you’ll ever here, this song is just very upfront with its sheer horniness. It only barely eases you in, with the opening leading right into blasphemous boasting and dick blood, and it just never stops. It slows down a bit in a couple parts, but overall it really is just an unrelenting force. The song’s length isn’t something you ever really feel, because it just goes from one dirty lyric to the next.

But I think the most important thing the song does is remind us we all have a little Sir Psycho Sexy inside us, and we all have been standing the garden of Eden with our hard on’s bleeding while there were devils in our dick and demons in our semen. Maybe the real dick devils were the friends we made along the way.

#Youtube #michael after midnight #review #song review #red hot chili peppers #RHCP #sir psycho sexy #music

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kangaracha · 4 months

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i tried to goad people into asking me the ao3 questions like five times this month so i'm just gonna treat myself and answer em

How many words have you written this year? 247, 190

How many works did you publish this year? four

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? nevermore! and not just for wordcount either, though maybe a little bit because i've spent so much time with it. i'm just extremely pleased with the world building i've done and the complexity and depth of the plot and how i've gotten so far into it and i don't feel like i've become wayward yet, which is what usually happens even before i reach this point. i'm so pleased. i'm so excited to reach 200k and see where i'm up to and what's ahead.

What work of yours has the most hits? linger, which is funny because just like the ghosts it was about it haunts me

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? to go beyond your borders, considering it's hard to get readers to come to something that's nearly completely original and it's just my silly little mental health fic, the audience that it gathered in the short time i was actually updating it regularly was really surprising and i love them

Favorite title you used oh lyre lyre for sure, i went to great lengths to ensure that title made a modicum of sense for that fic

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? hahahahaha stray kids all day. nevermore is skz cinematic universe so of course every chapter title is a lyric

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? so much gen fic, so little time. original fiction pairings.

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? HMMMMMMMMMMMM from my original fic, leo/nes. they're funny.

What work was the quickest to write? queenmaker is the quickest to write, takes like an hour per chapter if that. in terms of strictly ao3 fics, lyre lyre was the fever dream of a few days.

What work took you the longest to write? well i started nevermore on the 4th of march and as of the 29th it is disgustingly far from being finished at 140k so i just don't know if i can say anything else. nevermore doesn't actually take long to write though really, it's just that it's a 300k kind of project. relevant to word count though, the unpublished pirate fic is actually probably the thing that's taking the longest, and my original all that is good/holy.

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? not counting every single novel i have sitting around, it's around 15, but a very casual 15 because i just go with the vibe to the extreme and with no intention to really finish any of them except like two of em

What’s your longest work of the year? hehe nevermore at 139, 583

What’s your shortest work of the year? apart from the cheeky 3 sentence fic the other day, overwinter at 1278

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? nevermore

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? oh. Angst.

Your favorite character to write this year? hehehehe lee minho

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? Y/N for queenmaker

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? more gen fic please, tired of romance. if i had to pick one, angie/raihan from to go beyond your borders

Which work of yours have you reread the most? to go beyond your borders, although i am about to start a full edit of nevermore which is uh no mean feat.

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 202

Which work has the most comments? nevermore by a mile

Did you do any collaborative works this year? you know what they all ditched me to collaborate on their own, and they didn't even post the fic. can you believe it.

Did you write any gifts this year? uhhhh yes, it isn't gifted on ao3 but lyre lyre was for rain and i believe overwinter was for zom mom? keeps? one of those two

Did you receive any gifts this year? yesssss i received neverwas from keeps for my birthday and it was really cool and if you read anything on this list honestly make it that one, it stands alone and it's really weird and vibey

What’s your most common category? Gen

What do you listen to while writing? liked songs or a specific fic playlist on spotify on repeat. usually kpop only these days but it depends what i'm working on.

Favorite work you wrote this year? nevermore

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? oh my god. out of 240k? yeah no worries i'll just pull it up. um. uhhhh. uhhhhhhh.

Biggest surprise while writing this year? oh that i finished nanowrimo and that if i didn't work such a physically demanding job it would have been easy. if i had all my time spare in that month i would have done 80-100k, when before this year i couldn't get past 25k a month. realising i had that capability just sitting there was crazy.

#eeeeee #i was correct this was fun #i thought i would get bored and cut questions out but i liked all of them #just enough thought provoking without becoming boring #anyway if you have MORE questions about this stuff please leave them in my ask box #i love talking about my fics i really do #roo writes

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a-slight-disparity · 1 year

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A theory/prediction

Sooo.... I've been thinking about what might happen in vol 2 of CCCC, because holy shit am I both excited and very very scared. And something that I noticed was that each of the segments in the first volume begin with "C", much like the abbreviation of the title itself. Calamity, Cacophony and Concord. I think in vol 2 there will be a fourth one as well as the intro to Calamity and Outro from Concord. (I mean it could also only be three because there's three sides but-)

I was looking up the definitions of the words and something that I noticed was that only 2/3 were related to music. Calamity is just a disastrous event. So maybe the fourth word will also be unrelated to music as well? I was thinking something like "Clarity" since it goes beyond simply agreeing to stop fighting and actually trying to understand each others' point of view etc. Another reason is because it is like the calm before a storm. Before Calamity. But what exactly is Calamity? I can't be 100% certain, but after looking at some other people's posts and the Q&A with the man himself... it points in a direction that I don't think anybody's going to like.(I mean, other than for angst reasons lol).

............

Are you still reading?

Okay, ermmm. Judging by some of the lyrics, I'm very much leaning towards the idea that Soul will probably die in Calamity or something. Or well, "die". After reading this post:

It made me remember the lyrics for time machine (reprise). Aand correct me if I'm wrong but it would seem like in the very beginning its only Heart and Mind's voices screaming out to stop it, which is followed by who I assume to be Whole telling them that he's not listening. Given that the next album is almost certainly a part of the loop too, I think what might've happened is that after the events of Clarity, instead of wanting to be Whole again, they want to remain separate despite getting along. And one way or another Soul pays the price for this.

You see in the Q&A I got the impression that Mr Jash wasn't entirely sure what to do with Soul, or what he represented exactly aside from his role as a mediator of sorts. However I have seen him being compared to the ego/self of the three frequently enough, which imo makes sense because all he seemingly wants is for them to stop fighting whilst at the same time considering them to be parasites. Ever heard of the phrase "killing your ego"? Perhaps that's what the other two accidently achieve by straying too far from him, causing Whole to eventually reset the loop since he doesn't want his sense of identity to remain "dead"(he probably just got absorbed by the other two if that's even possible).

It's just a theory, since there's always a chance we'll get introduced to entirely new characters and external events which will be a catalyst for the plot. But given the numerous instances of a duality theme in Tallyhall's second album, I get the feeling Heart and Mind will be pretty important. So yeah.

Also Soul rhymes with "toll".

#chonny jash #cccc #chonnys charming chaos compendium

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musicreveiwsbyezti · 1 month

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What's up babygirls (literally no one reads my blog) here's my March topster

This month was mostly shit I thought it would be interesting to listen... so lot of metal again. Also for the sake of my sanity I have 2 records that I genuinely don't know what the fuck I should do with.

Unrated: Current 93-I have a special plan for this world (Dark Ambient/Poetry): Arguably the best scary stuff I have ever listened but I never want to hear this again as once was perfectly enough. It gives a really disturbing atmosphere and the poetry part itself was interesting too. I highly recommend checking it out at least once. Slipknot-Iowa(Nu metal): I don't get it. The instrumentation is good but the lyrics are so god damned corny that it hurts. It doesn't help that it sounds like death metal for people who don't want to listen to actual death metal. I probably give it another chance later... not now tho I still can't take The Heretic Anthem seriously.

Alright now the actual tierlist begins:

14th: Combat Wounded Veteran-Electric Youth Crew(Powerviolence): I had a small journey and sat down to listen through the entire CWV discography (it's not that long definitely recommend it to get into powerviolence) and this is arguably the "weakest" of their releases. It doesn't really stand out and can be forgotten easily.

13th: CWV-This Is Not an Erect, All-Red Neon Body (Powerviolence/Grindcore): Idk it just doesn't click as well as IKAGWDCSP.

12th: Death-The Sound of Perseverance(Death/Prog Metal):Jesus Christ this album was a major disappointment for me. As a last Death album I expected it to be a last brutal yet technically extreme blast...but they just had to listen to 30 hour acid freeform jazz or some shit to get inspiration. This album has genuine fire songs, but they just had to fuck up the in the middle with a boring ass bass "solo" or someshit... Also the Painkiller cover is the worst song I heard this year so far, how the fuck can you ruin a perfect song when you are already a talented vocalist is beyond me.

11th: CWV-Duck Down for the Torso(Powerviolence/Grindcore): A short and sweet end for CWV's discography. Having it end on a Folded Space song was a great choice which gives an interesting feeling for the end.

10th: Stabbing-Extirpated Mortal Process(Brutal Death/Slam metal): Now this is a good slam metal album.

9th: Sematary-Bloody Angel(Horrorcore/Chicago drill): After Sems last EP I thought it was over... BUT IT ISN'T! It gives vibes of RB2 with RB3 mixing with some HAW mixed in. He can cook just let him do his thing :pray:

8th: Spycada-Hiking Lung(Psychedelic rock): It's good, great vibe, good tones, overall enjoyable. Looking forward to their next stuff.

7th: Magrudergrind-Self title(Grindcore/Powerviolence): THE grindcore album. Absolutely slaps, the sample use is interesting.

6th: Igorrr-Spirituality and Distortion(Avant Guard Metal/Breakcore) This... is Schrödinger's kitchen. I don't know if the kitchen is burned down or has served a 5 star menu, until I care to write an actual criticism of it. (Also the mixing of metal, break core and classical music is insane and the sheer heaviness this album gives is phenomenal, though it falls of gradually on the second half)

5th:Sweet Trip-Velocity : Design : Comfort(IDM/Glitch Pop) At least 200 people already circle jerk around this album, yes it is good, no I don't explain why I love it because I ain't talking about why breathing air is good.

4th:Have a nice life-Deathconsciousness(Post Punk/Shoegaze): Same as last time, people already told you enough why it's good, just fucking listen through it already. (side note some of the songs on this albums mixed weirdly quite for some reason, and it's kinda wack how the drone parts are the best, but still really good)

3th: Dead in the Dirt-The Blind Hole(Grindcore/Powerviolence) Jesus I listen to a lot of powerviolence this month... Anyways this is probably my favourite pw record yet. Probably the more understandable vocals help to lift it just a little bit above the rest for me.

2th:Mastodon-Leviathan(Sludge metal/Prog metal) Fun fact in the 2000's 2 whale concept prog metal albums came out, both of which are peak. I don't know how they got The Moby Dick nailed so well in metal form but they sure did with heavy riffs and amazing vocal performances.

1th: Electric Wizard-Witchcult Today(Stoner/Doom metal): I was afraid to check out the rest of EW discography after Dopethrone cuz it is too peak... However this album is probably as good as Dopethrone. Something about this album gives more OG metal vibes with less insanity.

#metal #rym #rateyourmusic #topster #topsters

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thesinglesjukebox · 2 months

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BENSON BOONE - "BEAUTIFUL THINGS"

youtube

WE ARE SO BACK once again, with a theme day too! Can you guess what it is?

[3.71]

Kayla Beardslee: "Beautiful Things" evokes a desperate, heartfelt plea to a higher power that I, too, often find myself asking when the things I treasure are under threat: that is, Jesus Christ, how do we keep letting men get away with this? [2]

Taylor Alatorre: So much for "Thy will be done," I guess. "Thy will be done, as long as it means I get to keep this hot piece by my side" just doesn't carry the same moral or lyrical weight. Boone's hairless hair metal wailing may bring to mind the nu-glam crossover smash "Lips of an Angel," but even a pro-adultery power ballad with that title manages to avoid being as theologically challenged as this one. Anyway, religion talk over. This is a gawky, lumbering Frankensong whose body is grafted together from the three or four types of rawk music that are allowed on pop radio this decade, and the only reason the score isn't lower is that I'm constitutionally incapable of going below a [2] on a song that prominently features palm-muted guitar. [2]

Julian Axelrod: I didn't know anything about Benson Boone's backstory until I read TSJ Legend Katherine St. Asaph's writeup in Stereogum, but suddenly "Beautiful Things" made perfect sense as an audio origin story. You can hear the American Idol also-ran in the earnest six-string swell of the verses; the Imagine Dragons protege in the pained wails of the chorus; and the years in the TikTok trenches in the way he strings together several 30-second snippets into a semi-coherent whole. I had no idea he was a rollerblader until two days ago, but if you told me this song blew up soundtracking inline skate tricks I would absolutely believe you. [5]

Joshua Lu: It's easy to write this sudden chart-topper off immediately when you see the words "TikTok" and American Idol in Benson Boone's biography, and the familiarity of every component of "Beautiful Things" doesn't help its case. Rarely, however, does a Big Explosive Chorus actually feel earned — Ryan Tedder has been trying to create that exact climax for over a decade — and the ease with which Boone slides into that emotional outpouring tingles my brain. [6]

Jeffrey Brister: Definitely not the most distinctive song, but there’s something in the execution. "Beautiful Things" has momentum: always pushing forward, anchored around Boone’s capable vocal performance. It drops out at the right moment and then absolutely EXPLODES in the chorus. It's like an ideal version of the vaguely bluesy folky hoot-stomp music of the early- to mid-10’s. [7]

Rachel Saywitz: A mishmash of all our worst musical impulses from the 2010s: Ed Sheeran’s melodramatic pop lilt, Imagine Dragons’ overprocessed and underbaked rage, being inspired by Jon Bellion. I’d have a bit more fondness for “Beautiful Things” if it fully leaned into the Christian hard rock that its hefty chorus pulls from, but Boone’s melodies are already much too drab. Add any more weight, and the cliff he’s standing on would crumble instantly. [3]

Katherine St. Asaph: I kind of like this! Seldom does someone unmarried come off as this much of a Wife Guy. [6]

Isabel Cole: The verses are fine, I guess, but the chorus is so unpleasantly shrill that it zooms right past anxious and even beyond desperate, all the way into the realm of the guy who will physically block the door to keep you from leaving. [2]

Aaron Bergstrom: I have spent far too much time trying to parse these lyrics, and I am no closer to unlocking Benson Boone's theory of relationships, personal or supernatural. There's a simple chauvinist reading here: girls are "things," lacking in agency, given to men by God. Then again, chauvinism requires a belief in male superiority, and Boone seems to ascribe even less agency to himself. His mindset is something akin to learned helplessness: these "things" may be taken from him on the capricious whims of forces wholly outside his control. It's not exactly Calvinist, as the future is still in flux, but there is nothing he can do to win or lose God's favor. In the later verses, Boone gestures at acceptance: the idea that peace and sanity will come when he stops trying to exert his will in relation to the "things" is vaguely Taoist. Of course, this is immediately undone by the theatrical outburst of a chorus, pleading simultaneously with a girl who can't help him and a God who won't, and we're right back where we started. So "Beautiful Things" is either a studied meditation on the human mind's ability to entertain multiple contradictory thoughts at the same time, or it's a lazy, jumbled mess of a song that I have now spent more time thinking about than Benson Boone ever did. [2]

Nortey Dowuona: The first verse is bland, unobjectionable pablum of the Noah Kahan variety, then the pre-chorus is a slimy plea for her continued presence. Then, apropos of nothing, Boone pleads to God not to take the beautiful things he has. He can't grasp the fears that make him believe he could lose his girlfriend, parents, fragile sense of self -- he just pleads with an imaginary figure to hold onto the very real relationships he has, which he refers to as things. Things are cupboards, chairs, chips -- creations of those who need them to be fed, to rest, to store food and clothes and sentimental trinkets. They can be beautiful, but they cannot be taken away by a God, simply forgotten or destroyed by people. Boone's plea, which feels more like a demand, feels shrill and weak, unable to carry the sentiments it is supposed to express. The blustery, frustrated delivery of the chorus is appealing but feels out of nowhere -- Boone is plaintive, even ruminating as the first verse trickles forth. The second verse is more compact, but its brevity sucks the power of the second chorus, since we are launched into a bellow after a whisper: unsettling and irritating, rather then engrossing and emboldening. The inability of Boone and producer/engineer Evan Blair to properly capture this despair forces mixing engineer Serban Ghenea to make certain leveling and processing choices to Boone's voice and the piano that further sabotage the song due to the failings upstream. But ultimately, unlike some other folks here, I don't hold this against Benson and his team. Grappling with the unending despair that comes with being a human being, then finding reasons in the relationships you have with your parental figures/romantic/platonic partners to not succumb, then fearing the loss of these relationships plunging you even deeper into that despair, is difficult. Many a songwriter has failed to convey these emotions. And failing to convey them is painful, but it is not worth any vitriol. [4]

Alfred Soto: He's cuddly, and he doesn't care who knows it. Take his beautiful things and he gets mad. Or "mad." I believe the rage like I believe the second half's rock freak-out, i.e. not at all. All is not lost: he's got passion, can leverage the sincerity, and, best, has good hair. [5]

Brad Shoup: Boone's divebombs on the chorus are so post-grunge, it's like he's regifting a heart-shaped box. He's certainly not desperate enough to hold my interest, nor to distinguish his voice from any host of TV-soul mushmouths. [4]

Dave Moore: I instinctively shuddered when this started, but then the Adam Lambert glam whoa-oa-oas came in and I remembered, and even sort of missed, the important role of American Idol in the pop schlock ecosystem (Boone auditioned but withdrew). I guess AmIdol is like college now -- why take on the debt when you've already got a job lined up? Anyway, I can tell this guy must already be or at some point will be enormous because I immediately thought of three family members I should send this song to. [5]

Ian Mathers: I always knew there'd come a point where I felt like an old and out-of-touch curmudgeon when it comes to pop music. I hoped with the optimism of youth that it wouldn't happen, but c'mon: why would I be the exception? It is profoundly disappointing that when it came, it was a lot less "I cannot understand these radical new genres, sounds, thoughts, emotions that are happening around me" and a lot more "can I please opt out of hearing generic pop/rock for as long as people are going to sing like this, it is profoundly annoying." [3]

Andrew Karpan: Despite his repeated, bleating agitated, sadboynumeta-framed requests to the contrary, someone really should take “all the beautiful things” away from this evil, short-mustached man. [2]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Really interesting as a piece of work without ever being "pleasant" or "good to listen to." The verses feel like a calculated attempt to write one's first song, all of the obvious plainspokenness and gee-shucks invocations of the almighty lined up with a clean execution that actual first songs tend to lack. The chorus is something else entirely, a rootsy stab at the soulful dubstep pop moment of about a decade ago. "Beautiful Things" is a puzzle with only unsatisfying conclusions, all of its choices together amounting to nothing much at all. [3]

Leah Isobel: Gormless. [2]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

#benson boone #music #music writing #music review #music criticism #the singles jukebox #Youtube

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red-dyed-sarumane · 3 months

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ok ok but actually i want to know ur thoughts on the en titles like even with my limited understanding of japanese im????? on half these titles and worse i gotta memorize them bc youtube forces u to read them that way. nooo its not testament its kyuuyaku hankagai nooo its not blade its shuuen touhikou....

okay i actually have my yt set to jpn so all i see of the eng titles is actually second hand but from what i know

last i checked aru sekai shoushitsu was left untranslated. i dont know how i feel about that.

problem for me starts with kyuuyaku hankagai. kyuuyaku IS old testament yes thats where the eng testament comes from. hankagai is actually a bit of word play on magus part bc there IS a word hankagai meaning like a business district or busy downtown area but the hanka magu uses in the title is actually for scientific generalizations with the suffix of town at the end. so u end up with something like town of the old testament's generalizations which. right away u can see how much extra context ur getting from that alone. reducing it to JUST testament leaves out a lot of detail & makes it more open to interpretation. if i didnt know the og title id see testament & go "oh its called testament bc its a testament of her will to work so hard and go thru all this horror time after time after time" but thats not it. look im not a religious person at all but it goes beyond word choice here the opening text is reminiscent (at the very least) of dante's inferno, 2 songs later we get more church imagery & a whole angel, this isnt a one time thing its also a part of the story & to leave it as just testament makes it so easy to ignore or overlook that part. and then there's the fact its one of the songs tied directly to a certain world's disappearance. disappearance has its main lines distributed under specific headers of sorts, each being a single 2 syllable kanji. the first of which is kyuu which is literally "past". translating both to reflect this in eng is. difficult esp when it gets to other songs but even if u leave it as old testament the "old" is Still There & its a lot more possible to catch onto the connection (hard maybe but not impossible)

shuuen touhikou makes me need to talk a walk and im not joking. fucking "blade" sounds like ur trying to appeal to edgy middle schoolers. aside from that when i hear blade im thinking its going to be a fighting song - maybe not a physical fight, but theres going to be conflict- and yes! there IS conflict in this song! its not what i would expect from seeing blade tho! she is fighting & yes the lyrics are like. using her sword to try and forge her own path out when the others let her down, but blade makes it seem like idk some noble fight or something. but u read demise escape & u KNOW shit's serious. it IS a fight but its that kind of "god i dont want to die like this" type of primal fight and not some cool miku swordfighting action. this girl's been told to sit tight and it will work out & she knows thats wrong & the only thing left is for her try whatever she can so that maybe MAYBE she can make it out alive. demise escape as a title hits the type of fear & heaviness thats in the series and gets across and entirely different picture than what blade could ever do. and. again. as one of the main songs blade completely lacks anyway to tie back to the og song. the lines in shoushitsu are shuu which becomes the shuu in shuuen. end & demise are harder to accurately translate in both songs so even with the more accurate eng title its not that easy to tie back into shoushitsu but like. at the very least u can add it as a fun fact or something somewhere.

oumen mokushiroku i just have to sit here & accept that it actually works much to my own dissatisfaction. the direct translation is concave revelation BUT mokushiroku is part of the lyrics in shoushitsu & it has an alternate reading of being pronounced "apocalypse" so a series accurate title here is concave apocalypse & concave is for the most part just tying back to the ou/concave lines in shoushitsu. for as much as i think about this song i actually dont have anything deep to say about the concave part of the title beyond that so like. fine. reduce it to just apocalypse fine whatever i hate it but [throws my hands up] u win this time magu

unplanned apoptosis is accurate the only problem is in jpn u can catch the a-a alliteration in the title but thats not a problem with the translation thats a problem with the english language itself. the alliteration thing is in fact series context btw it keeps in with that repeating fractal theme they emphasized in shoushitsu and kyuuyaku. same with marshall maximizer but there u can actually see it. kanons fine.

kugutsu ashura is. hm. im nitpicking here. literally its puppet ashura. this isnt connected to a shoushitsu heading so ur not losing anything in that regard. however. from what ive been told about ashura (thank u my friend emimin) they arent very.... in control of things. per se. so when u compound that with puppet in the title it just really drives home what she's doing is not her own will. she cannot affect anything beyond how shes supposed to (i guess thats an okay way of putting it) which saying this is also why the motif isnt in this song either but thats off topic. ashura by itself doesnt bother me as much as the others but theres just that little extra context u get from knowing the first part is puppet that adds to it from a series standpoint.

laboratory is fine the only thing is in jpn it has the separation (labo-ratory) so its obvious its on of the songs with the alliteration theme going on. more of a fun fact than actually being wrong. its fine.

as far as i know yamete kudasai and kannagi dont have the official eng titles?? even if they did idk what to say about them bc these titles are already weird from a series standpoint anyway. they dont fit into the 5 kanji title songs category they dont fit into the alliteration category theyre just kind of here. if there IS thematic importance to them we're only going to know when more songs get posted. they dont have any keywords or kanji that tie into any other specific song either. theyre just here.

#asks #kuki #aru sekai series #THANK U FOR ENABLING ME #no one gets into the series anyway so im just insane about this for no reason really #there is a fan theory some of the side songs are trying to spell out amakakeru fractal with with syllable is alliterated #but that may or may not be disproven at this point. since both kanon and kannagi would be ka #and the ya from yamete kudasai is just not there at all #or maybe thats JUST STRICTLY for alliteration songs. cant tell at this point #anyway that would be impossible to know for eng only speakers so its not much point to know here

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kogareteplanet · 4 months

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Togawa Jun - Teinen Pushiganga

Allegedly the title comes from a phrase for sitting in a cirlce and drinking. So we're making merry over resigning yourself from personhood. Translation notes at the end and personal commentary too because fuck it, a blog's a blog.

youtube

English

Far beyond the sky float the clouds Oh, in the name of my love

Such acts of atrocity No more can I resign to forgiveness

You may kill me Like a cow Or like a pig It’s alright I am merely a piece of flesh

Lala lala la Lala lala lai I am merely a piece of flesh

Into the sky fades the midday canon Oh, for my love has ended

Both love and hatred Are no more, poured into nothing

In a single moment of disgust I begin to rot I am merely a piece of flesh

Lala lala la Lala lala lai I am merely a piece of flesh

Far beyond the sky float the clouds Oh, in the name of my love

Such acts of atrocity No more can I resign to forgiveness

You may kill me Like a cow Or like a pig It’s alright I am merely a piece of flesh

Lala lala la Lala lala lai I am merely a piece of flesh

Japanese

空の彼方に浮かぶは雲嗚々我が恋愛の名において

その暴虐の仕打ちさえもはやただ甘んじて許す

牛のように豚のように殺してもいいいいのよ我一塊の肉塊なり

ライラライララライラライラライ我一塊の肉塊なり

空に消えゆくお昼のドン嗚々我が恋愛は終止せり

あの泥流の恩讐がもはやただあとかたもなしや

愕然とする間もなく腐敗し始める我一塊の肉塊なり

ライラライララライラライラライ我一塊の肉塊なり

空の彼方に浮かぶは雲嗚々我が恋愛の名において

その暴虐の仕打ちさえもはやただ甘んじて許す

牛のように豚のように殺してもいいいいのよ我一塊の肉塊なり

ライラライララライラライラライ我一塊の肉塊なり

Translation Notes

泥流 is the flow of lahar/volcanic mud when a volcano erupts and 跡形もなしや (written in hiragana as あとかたもなしや) is like "without leaving a trace", I thought saying literally saying left without a trace was too basic for such a powerful song, so I went with "poured into nothing" to maintain the original imagery and meaning.

Personal Commentary Nobody Asked For

Many lifetimes ago I ran the Jun Togawa Forever fansite with my friend Pat, he translated all of the songs and I did the website... stuff. Because of it, Pat got to meet Jun's manager and it was basically the thing that set me off onto wanting to study Japanese to begin with. The sadness I was experiencing at the time couldn't be expressed in my own language because I was barely fresh off being a teenager, and I was treated poorly by almost everyone around me. Real "nobody understands me" type shit. So, i'd listen to this song on repeat a lot and read my friend's translation, because it felt like somebody understood me.

The reason I stopped running the website, posting throwbacks and setlist updates etc was because I actually hated most of the English fans. Pat was working very hard at a critical time to translate information and whenever I had a question, I would ask. But people kept jumping to assumptions about what Jun's art was trying to convey. It sounds almost cliche, but the perspective of dudes with no knowlege of Japanese language or culture was dominating the discussion about a Japanese woman's work, stripping it of time, place and it's author. One person's self expression through art became a talking point for being anti-pop culture - because it was antithetical to the norm, that's all it could be, or that became the main focus. I hated how our work was just being consumed by people who's reaction was just "cool" or "thanks", and the voice behind the lyrics was stifled for the sake of making hamfisted commentary about pop culture, from a society and culture that the authors themselves had sparse knowlege of.

It is extremely petty. This was also before Suki Suki Daisuki blew up on Tiktok too. But, the phrase "anti idol" just screamed fake deep to me lol. Once I actually started speaking Japanese and explaining the perspective of non-Japanese people about things to Japanese people, they were mostly confused. BiS' producer also called it "fucking stupid." I think about deleting all of the translations sometimes out of spite.

I wanted to come back and translate this song myself because... fuck it, why not. I'm not in the same mindset as when this was the one thing keeping my head above water, but I did have some poor experiences with people at university recently. I thought about this song because it feels like it's fine for terrible things to be said and done to me, but everyone else is seemingly allowed to do whatever they want. Be it emotionally or sexually as a friend or as a coercer. But i've resigned myself from caring because hey, life goes on.

#Youtube

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toshkakoshka · 1 year

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A Search for Lost Media: Marilyn Monroe edition

The Shape of Water is one of my favorite fucking movies, I rewatch it every few times when I want to be reminded how single I am but also taking in the sight of vintage aesthetic coupled with actual non-CGI fantasy. It's a wonderful movie about a strange, but nevertheless lovingly made relationship among two "different" people.

But there's a scene, between Eliza and Giles, where, after an argument, Giles tries to seek comfort in the diner guy who turned out to be an awful person. After that moment is realized, Giles knocks on Eliza's door, and tells her that he'll help her. While they hug, the song in the background, playing since the diner scene, plays louder:

So come back to my arms, and show me how wrong I can be.

It's the only clear lyrics from a song sung by Marilyn Monroe, credited in the end credits as "provided" by someone by the name of Terry Karger, and is never acknowledged in the Shape of Water soundtracks everywhere else.

When I first heard it, I was like, oh! What a vibe! And never thought about it again.

But then when I listened to the soundtrack, I realized that the song wasn't present. Don't get me wrong, this isn't the first time they haven't included a song in a soundtrack, so I pulled back up to the movie, watched it again, but tracked the song in the scene again, and tried to look it up.

And that's how I found this article.

The song itself was written by Fred Karger, who coached Monroe’s vocals for her third feature film in the late 40’s, Ladies of the Chorus. It was lost until discovered in London by an anonymous man who said his father had been in the music business. The 12-inch disk was listed for sale man in 1995 in a Sotheby’s auction where it was expected to be purchased for up to $15,000. No further existence of the song can be found, except for this 20-second clip and forever on the silver screen, in The Shape of Water— and somehow with a feeling as Marilyn Monroe herself would have liked it.

I searched for any sources. I only found threads talking about this song, how the Marilyn Monroe enthusiasts only managed to dig up the lyrics and THAT 20 second clip, and this is how I found out about this article too.

A recently rediscovered recording by Marilyn Monroe is to be auctioned by Sotheby's in London on Sept. 13. The song, a plaintive ballad titled "How Wrong Can I Be," was apparently recorded in late 1948 or early 1949, when the actress was just 22 and struggling to gain a foothold in Hollywood.

Accompanied by a piano and muted trumpet, Monroe delivers the song in a torchy, seductive style with an occasional jazzy inflection and barely a hint of her breathy, whispery renditions of "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend," "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" or "I Just Want to Be Loved by You." The voice is sultry, a little off-key from time to time, and instantly recognizable.

"How Wrong Can I Be," recorded on a 12-inch acetate disk, was never released. The anonymous seller, whose father was in the music business, was sorting through a stack of his father's recordings three years ago and noticed one with a hand-written label that read "Fred Karger at the piano, Manny Klein on the trumpet, vocal by Marilyn Monroe."

Great. So what now?

I searched through the Sotheby's archive. I tried looking for any other traces that google could give me, but there was nothing beyond Sotheby's Marilyn Monroe artifacts that DIDN'T include the mention of a 12-inch disk, and so I sat there, on the floor next to my bed at 6pm, having had too much of my free time, thinking about what else can I do. There were two ways for this to go: investigate WHO this person whose father was in the music industry back in the 40s could be, OR I find out who provided the song for the movie and start from there.

Of course, with all that I was as a dumb 17 year old with 0 experience in investigation, I picked the latter. And picked the latter I DID when I scraped through the credits of the movie on a PDF that I could no longer find, but there it was, sitting under the name credits of "How Wrong Can I Be", sung by Marilyn Monroe, read: Provided by Terry Karger.

Terry Karger is Freddy Karger's daughter. She was a child when Marilyn Monroe was dating him, and they were practically family even after Freddy no longer dated her. I contemplated contacting fucking Guillermo del Toro himself, maybe even his manager because that would've been the most realistic, but I let it sit because I didn't know if Terry would've been alive back then.

Fast forward to two years later.

I am 19. I search for the book. I search for Terry Karger.

And voila, SHE MADE A FUCKING BOOK ABOUT MARILYN MONROE JUST A YEAR BACK.

And that's where we sit in the present.

Because I emailed the publishing house asking for her contact information.

GRANTED, I didn't get a reply the first time I sent the email.

But I sent it again, as of today, April 10, 2023.

Here's to hoping we at least get something of a reply.

#letra #lost media #marilyn monroe #the shape of water 2017 #guillermo del toro #IM NOT GIVING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

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charaznablescanontoyota · 5 months

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2,10,19 :)

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

this is beyond the scope of fanfic but im allowed to talk about my original writing here because i decided. landis of antlerscolorado fame was supposed to die in my original outline of chapter 2 and then i liked him so much i couldn't kill him and he became the second protagonist. you know how it is with guys who live in the woods and do blood sacrifice

10. at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you?

usually as soon as i start or pretty quickly into the thing because most of the time (for fic, at least) i will pull a title from a song that i'm listening to while writing, lol. 1 time out of every like 10 finding a title is like pulling teeth and i have to hold up a bunch of different ones like paint swatches, but that's also kind of enjoyable in its own right!

uhhh original stuff is harder to title for me lol it mostly gets one word titles that are impossible to search (see: the woods, sapling, et al). antlers chapters were all modest mouse songs, psong chapters still get song titles mostly because alyssa lets me title them lol but also we are doing something a little bit different with ch21 and 22 in that they're both lyrics from the same song

19. what are some books or authors that influenced your style the most?

stephen king, grady hendrix, naoki urasawa, hiromu arakawa, patricia c. wrede, tamora pierce, madeline l'engle, uhhhhh those are the ones i got off the dome. there was a moment in like 2021 where i read a bunch of carmen maria machado and sarah gailey back to back and felt like i took a lot out of it stylistically/structurally that helped my writing level up too. also reading devil and the dark water back in like january helped me write better mysteries and sort of revisit the way i think about them while alyssa and i were working on psong chapter 20!!

#writing meta meme #THANK YOUUU ALMA these are fun

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artificialqueens · 11 months

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🏳️‍🌈 Your Best American Girl (Gia Gunn/Laganja Estranja) - Lita

Summary: Life on the road is fucking lonely, and Laganja thinks it’s killing her. Gia is adrift in a foreign country, trying and failing to stake out a career. Friendship can be found in the unlikeliest of places - namely a high school gym in Delaware. Femme Fatale Wrestling AU.

A/N: This is essentially the Pretty Dope origin story that I’ve been sitting on half-finished for months. This is set five or six years before the main story iirc, while Gia and Ganja are still working on the indie circuit before getting signed by Femme Fatale. I love these morons and put way too much thought into their respective backstories, and I wish they got less villain-coded airtime in the main story (which won’t be the case for much longer, I promise) so this was stupid fun to write. Re: the song from which I lifted the title and lyrics, Your Best American Girl by Mitski has always been Gia/Ganja crack to me - it was written from the POV of struggling to meet eurocentric beauty standards as a woman of colour trying to date white men, but I think it can also read as a trans narrative and the ‘all-American boy’ line really evokes angst and shit about FFW!Laganja for me, so it’s always really inspired me while writing the two of them. Anyway, hope you all enjoy! <3

CW: Transphobia

Your mother wouldn’t approve

Of how my mother raised me,

But I do, I think I do.

****

There’s something a little disarming about wandering around in a high school after hours. The fluorescent lit hallway leading out of the gymnasium is overbearingly bright and creepily empty. Laganja makes slow, unsteady progress towards the door leading out to the parking lot; one of the wheels of her suitcase fell off while she was trying to get it out of her car earlier, and dragging it around lopsided was proving nothing short of a fucking nightmare.

The show had been far from bad, but she’d just hit her limit - at least it’s only five minutes’ drive to her hotel, maybe fifteen if she goes via McDonald’s like she’s planned. She has a pre-rolled joint in her backpack, and nowhere to be until eleven am the next morning. Then another hours-long drive to the next gig out in the back of beyond, to another shitty match in a shitty school gymnasium or community centre - rinse and repeat. She’d been living out of a suitcase for the better part of a month already, with another two weeks to go before she’d next see the inside of her apartment. She wasn’t at all mad at the payout, but it felt like a lot of work for money she was spending most of on gas and takeout. A little bit of her missed being a ‘real’ athlete - it wasn’t nearly this lonely.

A lot of her missed it, actually. Back then, she’d had teammates to keep her company, and she didn’t have to pay for her own accommodation. Or travel. Or gear. These days, she’s never a standout - just a replaceable body at the bottom of a card, never in the same place more than once. No foundations, no friends. She misses being treated like she mattered.

The scandal had died down since last year - she was finding it easier to get gigs, and could look at her social media without having a panic attack - but it didn’t make things much easier. She was just a little less radioactive than she had been after being kicked off the Olympic team. Rebuilding her life was taking time.

Laganja rounds a corner, still fighting with her suitcase - a loud voice catches her off-guard and she stops dead; ducking behind a row of lockers. It’s a guy’s voice, brash and angry. She doesn’t really want to get herself involved in whatever the fuck this is. At least not until she’s figured out what’s going on.

“What part of leave me the fuck alone don’t you understand?”

“Babe, wait-“ A female voice this time; equally loud and a little abrasive, but with a distinct edge of fear that makes Laganja nervous.

“I’m not your fucking babe- don’t touch me!”

Laganja hears the crash of a body slamming into metal, and winces - craning her neck to peer down the hall. The feminine voice belongs to that Japanese chick she’d worked a match with earlier that night - Gia something? She couldn’t work out at the time whether or not she liked her - she’d stiffed her a little in the ring, and had been pretty closed-off and hard to talk to backstage. Her lip is trembling, and there’s already black streaks of mascara running down her face. The guy has just shoved her into the lockers - pinning her in place with a hand roughly grasped around her shoulder. The other is raised like he’s about to punch her. Laganja’s stomach drops.

“Look, can’t we figure this out?“ Gia’s voice is shaking.

“There’s nothing to figure out - I’m not a fucking homo, okay? So back the fuck off. I’m leaving.”

“But my-“

“I don’t give a shit,” he snarls. “Stop following me around like a lost fucking puppy - we’re done.”

“How the fuck am I gonna get home-“

“I don’t care! You fucking lied to me!”

Gia whimpers. Fuck this - Laganja steps out from where she’d been hiding; this feels like it’s about to get ugly, and she can’t just stand around and let that happen. She tries to say something, but the words get stuck in her throat, standing about ten feet away from them as her mouth opens and closes like a guppy, trying to string a sentence together with her fists clenched by her sides.

Doesn’t matter - the guy sees her there, and his eyes widen. He practically sprints towards the door; shoving it open with his shoulder and letting it slam behind him. Gia crumples against the lockers. As soon as he’s out of eyeshot, Laganja drops her case, making straight for Gia. She’s sitting on the ground; hugging her knees and crying. Laganja crouches down at her side.

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

She looks up, sniffing a little. She’s still wearing her ring gear, a black and red high-necked two-piece, with an oversized hoodie shrugged over the top.

“I’m fine,” she murmurs, avoiding eye contact with Laganja as she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Is he-“

“Fuck off,” Gia pulls away sharply from the hand that Laganja had placed on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry - I don’t want to shove my nose into your business or anything, but like…hey, weren’t we in a match together earlier?”

The brunette gives a nonplussed shrug; pulling out her phone from the pocket of her hoodie and wiping away her running mascara with the aid of her front camera. Laganja fishes a travel pack of Kleenex out of her backpack and offers it to her. She takes it begrudgingly, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. Laganja sits down on the floor next to her, crossing her legs and leaning against the locker.

“You’re doing a really bad job at fucking off,” Gia observes.

“I heard most of your conversation - I figured you don’t have a ride home, or anywhere to sleep tonight, and I’m not gonna leave you stranded out here in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere. I’m waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass and realise that I’m trying to help you, okay?”

The brunette cracks half a smile.

“Bitch.”

“Takes one to know one,” Laganja smirks. “What’s your name?”

“You seriously did not forget what my name is after an hour-“

“No, I mean your real one.” She gives a bemused laugh. Pro wrestling etiquette is a language she’s still trying to decipher - she’s not sure whether or not that’s something she should have asked, but the question is out there now. There’s probably a stupid made-up word for the question she’d been trying to ask. Shoot name? She thinks that’s maybe it. “Mine’s Lucy, by the way.”

“It’s still Gia,” she replies, a little thorny. Then: “I’m gonna stick with calling you Laganja, though. That’s funnier.”

“Thanks,” Ganja rolls her eyes. She turns to Gia, her face turning a little more serious. “So, what’s going on?”

“With what?” Gia says, her tone half uncertain and half sharply defensive.

“You know - that guy. Looked pretty bad from where I was standing.”

“Oh, Trey’s my boyfriend. Or well, I guess was. I…” she sighs, chewing over her words a little. “One of the- look, why the fuck am I telling you this?”

“Because I wanna help,” Laganja replies simply. Gia purses her lips.

“One of the guys backstage told him something about me that I wasn’t ready to tell him, and he got mad, okay? So it’s basically my fault.”

“What the fuck could they have told him that made him that mad?” Laganja raises her eyebrows. “None of that was okay.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Gia hugs her knees.

“Listen - I just met you, and after tonight we’re probably never gonna see each other again. Who am I gonna tell? It’s just between us.” Gia doesn’t seem impressed. Laganja offers a hand out to her. “Pinkie swear.”

Gia looks a little wary, hushing her voice and ignoring the childish proffered hand. “I…I’m transgender. I was like, born a guy. It’s not something I wanna make a big deal of, it’s just that-“

Laganja has to hold in a laugh, realising that now might not be the right time.

“Seriously? Bitch, me too!”

Gia looks taken aback.

“Shut up,” she says, shrinking away from Laganja. Fuck. She thinks she’s mocking her.

“I’m not kidding - honest to god.” Gia eases up a little. “And by the way, wether you told him or not, that doesn’t give him the right to treat you like that.”

Gia doesn’t say anything.

“I mean it - I’ve dealt with my share of this shit, and there’s no excuse for it. What he said to you was fucking wrong, period. Doesn’t matter how upset he is.”

“I was gonna tell him - I just didn’t think he’d react like that. Plus like, he was gonna find out eventually.” Gia laughs a little grimly. “I told him I was saving myself for marriage, and I don’t think I was gonna be able to like, keep that up for much longer.”

Laganja gives a tight-lipped smile, slightly uncomfortable. Not with Gia, with the situation. She hadn’t even attempted dating since she’d come out, and this was exactly why. Too scared of what people would think - or say, or do. After seeing the full, horrendous extent of the first ‘big’ reaction to her transition, it didn’t bear thinking about. Didn’t exactly help that her parents, who she’d been outed to in the midst of the whole scandal, had barely said a word to her since, and her teammates had thrown her to the wolves.

“Well, he’s a loser who doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Laganja eventually says. She stands up, walking back down the hall to grab her broken suitcase, before returning to Gia and holding a hand out to her. Gia looks perplexed.

“What are you-?”

“C’mon - I need dinner, and I’m not leaving you here.”

****

“You want any more?”

Laganja holds the joint out to Gia - sitting in the passenger seat of her car. The brunette shakes her head, a hint of a laugh in her voice.

“Nah - I’m good.”

“You sure?” Laganja takes another drag; trying to talk while holding in smoke.

“Totally sure - I…you got me really fucking high,” Gia giggles, leaning against the door of the car. She aims a handful of fries for her mouth and misses - dropping most of them into her shirt.

“I think you needed it, honey,” Laganja smiles, watching Gia trying to pick fries off of her chest with her tongue, like a lizard. She’s loosened up a hell of a lot, Laganja thinks as she flicks ash into the empty Coke can on her dashboard.

“Yeah,” Gia says airily. “Y’know, you’re the first person I’ve met who’s like, like me. And you’re really fucking cool. I like you.”

“You’re just saying that because I bought you food and let you smoke my weed.”

“Nah - seriously,” Gia insists - rambling a little, her eyes overly-moist and tinged pink. “I’ve never met another trans girl - I knew that I was one, but you’re like….you’re the first. It’s like we’re fucking unicorns or some shit.”

Ganja smiles.

“So, what the fuck is your story, Gia?”

“What?” Gia giggles, still fighting with her fries.

“How did you wind up stuck out here, with him? You’re too fucking good in the ring to be working in a high school gym in fucking Delaware.”

“I started training when I was like, eleven,” Gia says, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. Laganja notices her slack jaw, and tries to pick it up off the floor before Gia sees it too. “It’s like, normal in Japan. Both my parents are wrestlers, it was sort of always gonna be my thing.”

“But what are you doing here?”

“It’s part of the training system - we call it a ‘learning excursion’. You get sent to the US for like, a year before you debut on TV back home, learn to speak better English and work different styles or whatever. So I came over when I was nineteen. Then while I was here, I figured out my whole…” she gestures awkwardly at herself. “This, and now I don’t think I can go back home. Well, I could - but I ditched training, so I think my parents will want to kill me, and also I have tits now - I don’t know how they’ll feel about that but I don’t think I want to. So for the last three years, I’ve just been taking whatever shitty gigs I can get, lying to my parents about getting signed to WWE developmental so they think I’m too busy to talk to them, and trying to like…I don’t know. Live.”

“God.” Laganja grimaces, sucking down the last few puffs that the joint has to offer.

“Your turn - what’s your damage, Miss Laganja?”

Laganja squirms a little. She glances into the backseat at the Team USA backpack that she still uses. It feels a little bit like stolen valour.

“Kinda similar. Not as cool. I was an amateur wrestler - and I was fucking good at it. Like, Olympics good. I was meant to go to London in 2012, but I’d already started hormones and obviously that got flagged up in my drug tests, so I got disqualified and then the news went apeshit about it because it got misreported and people thought I wanted to compete for the women’s team. So I sort of just went and lived under a rock for a year until the shitshow died down, and then started doing this. I’m still pretty new to it.”

“You are really good,” Gia says, kind of aloof like she doesn’t want to be caught giving Ganja real praise.

“Thanks.” Laganja’s cheeks flush pink.

“Also that’s fucked up. What happened to you, I mean.” Gia pulls a face.

“Yeah, but I don’t know what I thought was going to happen. At least this way I can actually be myself.” Laganja shrugs. “And nobody seems to care - real sports it’s all ‘biological advantage’ this, ‘biological advantage’ that, but this is all staged, so nobody gives a shit. And the outfits are better.” She gives a laugh, watching the evening sky shift from deep orange to star-scattered blue through the dirty windshield. “I never wanna see a fucking singlet again.”

“Tell me about it,” Gia giggles. “It’s like, a whole thing with the Young Lions - the rookie wrestlers back home - that you don’t get to have a distinct look until you graduate. Just black trunks and a shitty haircut.” Gia pulls out her phone, flicking at warp speed through her camera roll and then zooming in on a group picture. She turns the phone to Laganja - it’s filled with the image of a depressed-looking teenage boy with a buzz cut, standing shirtless and shoulder-to-shoulder with a group of similarly uniform but presumably less miserable kids. Laganja’s eyes widen.

“No fucking way is that you!” She gasps. “That’s insane - you look so different.”

“Thanks, it took a lot of work.” Gia half-laughs.

“Seriously - you’re like…so much hotter now. It’s not even funny. Your stupid boyfriend doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“Shut up - you’re hot.” Gia smiles, her head lolling back. She puts a hand on Laganja’s thigh. Laganja’s skin tingles.

“And you’re high.”

“Am not.” Gia flops sideways, her head resting on Laganja’s shoulder. “I’m glad I met you, Ganj. You’re really nice. And really pretty.”

Laganja blushes again. She doesn’t think anyone has ever called her ‘pretty’ before. She tries to keep her eyes fixed in front of her, like she’s driving, but Gia’s hand is cupping her cheek now - soft fingers brushing against her sweat-misted skin, gazing up at her with hazy brown eyes. When Laganja looks down, Gia inches closer to her - hesitantly pressing their weed-dry lips together. Laganja doesn’t know what she’s doing, but she also doesn’t try to stop her.

The brunette parts Laganja’s lips with an exploratory tongue, and Laganja - no idea what she’s thinking, no intention of questioning it - lets her, closing her eyes and deepening the kiss, one hand leaving the steering wheel to cup the back of Gia’s head. Gia murmurs softly, and then she pulls away before Laganja has really figured out what’s going on. Once her touch is gone, she kind of misses it.

Gia is laughing again, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Sorry. I don’t know what the fuck that was. Guess I am high.”

“It’s okay. I liked it,” Laganja admits hesitantly. Gia reaches a hand out for hers, clasping them together. “What now? Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?”

“Fuck no,” Gia pulls a face. “And I don’t have anything booked for…” she pauses to think, counting on her fingers. “Fucking ages. I was just tagging along with Trey since most promotions don’t bother booking a women’s match until the last second, but now he’s gone.”

“You can tag along with me,” Laganja offers. “I’m crashing here tonight and then I’ve got a show in Pittsburgh tomorrow - come along for the ride, I can try and get you on the card.”

“Sure - if you’re sure.” Gia looks hesitant.

“Positive. I kinda miss having company. And you’re really cute.”

“No, you.” Gia smiles drowsily. Pulling Laganja closer by the hand she’s holding, Gia tries sloppily to initiate another kiss, and this time Laganja doesn’t hesitate.

For the first time in months, she doesn’t feel quite so alone.

****

You’re an all-American boy,

I guess I couldn’t help trying to be

Your best American girl.

Pride Challenge Points: 5331

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