#really wish i didn't have to go to work

[introvert-celeste]

Feeling overstimulated today 😮‍💨

#vent #the noises are too noisy and eating lunch feels awful #really wish i didn't have to go to work #i just want to go back to bed

[icewindandboringhorror]

I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-

(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

#tumblr polls #hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today #still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual #They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully #it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec #fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since #I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm #ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos #or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things #I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming #over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY #I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb #e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about #different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see #stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I #can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud.. #but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone #said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects #the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm

[uselessnbee]

what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.

or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!

and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes

and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you

#i am not trying to victim blame or anything i love Sally and she did her best and didn't deserve any of the crap life gave her #but there's just something so tragic about the fact that she married a vile man and suffered abuse to protect her son #just for her decision to hurt him anyways just in a different way but the only other option would probably be Percy ending up dead #so she can't really truly regret it but she just wishes those weren't their only options #that she didn't have to do this just so that her child could stay alive #thinking about it makes me go feral #they had no choice but to suffer there was no way for their lives to be without this much hurt and trauma and it's terrible #and they didn't deserve it but there was so much love too #but the horrible thing is that that love just wasn't enough to save them from all that pain and i need to be sedated bye #percy jackson #sally jackson #pjo #hoo #percy and sally #percy jackon and the olympians #whatever you do don't think about a six years old lonely Percy sitting in a corner waiting for his mom to come back home from work #and he knows she loves him but he misses her so much when she spends so much time in work and that hurts #don't think about a ten years old Percy being sent away to a boarding school and he knows his mom loves him #but what if she's sending him away because he's just too much? or not enough? and what if she doesn't want him anymore? #and he knows that's not true but what if? #i'm thinking it #okay i think that's enough

[thelostgirl21]

"...there’s something star-crossed about these two. There is a deep connection there, but the turmoil, war and politics of this world are pretty intent on pulling them away from each other." - Joey Batey (x)

Yeah...

Just so you know, if you're a guy with a 3 syllable name that begins with "R", and you so happen to experience a strong case of love at first sight for someone that sort of happens to be named "Juliet" or "Julian", you might find yourself facing a few obstacles getting in the way of your relationship.

Just saying!

#Jaskier #a.k.a. #Julian Alfred Pankratz #Radovid #Radskier #The Witcher #Romeo + Juliet #Radovid + Julian #I sense a pattern... #Thankfully since Joey was quite adamant he didn't want to do the romance if they were planning on going with queer stereotypes #I'm assuming they'll be avoiding to go the “bury your gays” route with these two #Also read an article at some point where he mentioned that it felt important to make sure that the queer romance would feel as significant #and important and have as much influence on what happens in the show as the heterosexual ones (I'm assuming Yenralt). #So that's sort of why I'm cautiously hopeful they'll work things out... #And continue to further develop the romance in future Seasons... #And yeah... For people that are familiar with the books let's simply say that we have a really good reason to wish for Jaskier #to have someone that truly loves him to take care of him and support him through certain rougher times ahead... #Trust me on this it's not a want it's a freaking need #I won't be able to emotionally survive the end of the series if it sticks to the canon book ending if Radovid isn't there #and they don't give these two some sort of a happy ending... #My Posts #My Stuff

[thresholdbb]

I need to add buttons and darts, but I feel like I've done pretty good so far

#2024 past tense Jadzia I'm coming for you #I am SO JAZZED #I feel like I can't even claim I don't know what I'm doing anymore #please excuse poor lumpy I decided I needed to go all Kirk on the dress form #I couldn't find thicker stripes but I got the colors #is it wrong to cannabalize buttons from a work shirt cause I don't really work anymore #make bad art or whatever #cosplay updates #but like really I don't know what I'm doing #I didn't have a pattern on this was drafted #I was in bed last night and jumped out to figure out how they sew collars on #wish me luck in terrified of the vest and jacket

[sagau-my-beloved]

So this took me way too long...

I didn’t add the wings/hood thing because I actually do value my own sanity, and also his shoulders, but I might add it in later once some of that has replenished

Anyway enjoy Archon outfit Venti

#genshin impact #genshin venti #genshin art #venti art #*ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* #i wasnt kidding ive been working on this on and off for about a month #more so the past few weeks #i actually did start drawing the wings and such but decided i would rather die #the gold was the worst #im going to have reoccurring nightmares about shading gold for awhile #i was so happy with the torso and archon mark only for it to get mostly covered by the lyre #also i didn't notice how inconsistent his outfit is in the manga until i was literally scrutinizing every little detail every other second #i wish i could see exactly how many hours i spent on this because i really think it's more than it should be #I started the lineart for this in september #also i actually reached my layer limit on the program i was using #which was only 255 but i've never actually hit it before #anyway yeah here's the bi-monthly drawing #see you in feb ig #but fr i probably will do the wings and post it again on my alt just cause he deserves it #but feather shading ugh #and it would have covered up his shoulders that i worked so hard on #pls for the love of god tell me it looks ok cause im mentally broken #venti get a simpler outfit goddamn #if you can't tell im going for a tagging world record #i just know tumblr is gonna nuke the quality and it saddens me #i'm never doing full body again #for some reason i feel the need to apologize for this #can you tell i couldn't decide on a background #those thighs tho #thats gonna be my last remark

[sysig]

Let me chew you out a little, since we have a couple minutes (Patreon)

[Panel 1] Prismo: *mumble* *mumble*

[Panel 2] Prismo: *mumble*

[Panel 3] Simon: Hmph. “Just because it’s in your head-”

[Panel 4] Simon: “-Doesn’t mean it’s yours,” huh?

[Panel 5] Simon: Give me all the responsibility with none of the privileges?

[Panel 6] Simon: And then you get mad at me for trying to pick up your slack? Prismo: Hey...

[Panel 7] Simon: Clearly you already expect that much from me!

[Panel 8] Prismo: Hey, hey! I did the best with what I had! I didn’t expect any of this!

[Panel 9] Simon: And yet you didn’t even consider telling me, so we could’ve avoided this?

[Panel 10] Prismo: It’s not like I could’ve just- taken it out! I was locked out!

[Panel 11] Simon: You could’ve done something!

[Panel 12] Simon: Instead you let my life spiral around this thing, kept me tethered to Ice King’s Madness-

[Panel 13] Prismo: Fionna and Cake are real thou- Simon: NOW you tell me! After I find out for myself!

#Doodles #Adventure Time #Fionna and Cake #Simon Petrikov #Prismo #They have like two minutes where they're alone together that aren't directly shown onscreen: Allow me to insert some ideas lol #As long as Simon isn't so faded that he can't work the nerve up I Absolutely think he'd get mad at Prismo for all this #Not like he didn't just come back from a terrible experience trying to work around his terrible dregs! He's very miserable! #Honestly I think the anger would be good for him lol #He's had to live like this for years! Under Ice King's shadow for something that wasn't his doing! #And he knows Prismo - he met him - they talked - but not about this #And I mean I honestly don't blame Prismo - with everything going on and his own depression spiral he had a few things on his mind #It's in a bad way for everyone #That said he is a Wish Master he really could've told Simon at any point even if he couldn't take his little pet project out of him lol #Then again again what Was he supposed to do lol #As much as I would trust Simon to keep a secret I don't think either of them could've expected Simon trying to summon Golb to do this #Obviously it /did/ happen that way but could either of them have guessed?? I don't think so #''Don't go summoning your ex-'' ''She's not my ex >:('' '''Cause there's an illicit universe in your head and you might summon that instead' #Like what no I don't think Prismo could've just - guessed that! Lol #He did leave Simon out to dry vis a vis Ice King and Fionna and Cake tho which was Not cool and he Could've done something about that #Although I can also see Simon snapping and telling someone that it wasn't his own stories - there's no winning! #But that's what makes the argument fun haha #Man they're both fun to draw ♪ Simon in that dress and Prismo's tiiiiired tired eyes haha ♫ #It was shortlived but they have a fun dynamic :D Simon speaks so deadpan and sarcastic with Prismo haha <3 It's quite cute honestly

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[possamble]

Girl help me I fell in love with a fanfic from someone fully employed and the chapters are too long betwix

Man me too wtf 🥲

#asks #a little creature #wish i didn't have to work. alas #sorry part of it is just that im stumped creatively #the chapter itself is giving me so much fucking trouble #the core of it (what i really want to hit yall with) is written but justifying it with the proper context is... #man. #shoutout to the tips ive gotten making me feel so much less guilty and anxious about the days i just #didn't do money work and stared at the fic doc and also didn't get anything done there LOL #i get paid on a per word basis instead of hourly so trying to police my own schedule has been weird sldkfjvnsfd #anyway. you're getting farcille first kiss next chapter but not the way you expect/want it and also im actively trying to stab all of you #but also the pwp oneshot's going out first bc it's basically done #i just have to add in some fuckass whatever pillow talk to cap it off #and make the actual fucking a little better paced

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

#fucking hell #it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister #who was equally dreading the day #my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt #then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present) #multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way. #combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high #weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells. #this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing. #then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on. #my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence #i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum #who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?) #me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting. #Which amuses the bored and the deaf #but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed #they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes #finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism* #still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously #(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something) #me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room #and made things appear that should not be there #I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go #you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room. #i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear #I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that. #the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well #she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer #maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk. #can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important

[scoliosisgoblin]

doodles and some lore. I'm tired.

#Jay does this thing on second dates where he tests the other person #he wants to make sure they'd like all of him. every part of him that may throw others off or realize he's insane #Matt and Jay were friends during high school. dated in college and broke up just before finding out Jay was pregnant #they decided to co-parent Mona and just view one another as friends #Mona really likes Don and Tk. loves Peter. though dislikes Lucy quite a bit because of how much she hears Jay complain about her with Matt #Mona is very close with Jay despite living with Matt and only coming over to Jay during the holidays/some weekends #Jay moved into the complex about a year prior to meeting Peter. he's had 5 roommates since moving in #Lucy has been the worst compared to the rest but is the only one Jay tolerates (since she's young and reminds him of himself. pretransition #Jay and Don hated each other in the beginning. only really bonded over talking shit about a neighbor #and Jay saying “anyway I gotta finish watching the game.” Don saying how he wanted to too but his tv is fucked so they watch together #Tk does have feelings for Jay but Jay just can't take the hint. he simply just thinks he's making jokes and is very kind #Jay really cares about Lucy. he often checks up on her when she's out and buys her dinner if he didn't make anything for them #and she ofc tries to make his life easier by cleaning the apartment making him coffee in the mornings etc etc #also Jay and Don sometimes just talk about marriage. how both of theirs didn't work out (I headcanon that for Don) #how it'd go - Don: I just wish I showed her how much I cared... Jay: I chased mine down with a knife. didn't kill her though. I promise. #Jay also calls Don's kid (the cop) Don Jr. he doesn't mind it that much. it's mainly cause Jay never remembers his name #my art #yb peter #Yb don #Void #Jay #Yb tk #Yb lucy #none of them die btw. Peter kills some guy who treated Jay poorly #the entirety of Jay and Peter's relationship before the abduction takes place over June #I say so cause it was a bit alarming to Tk. Don and Matt how fast Jay was rushing into the relationship and such #anyway uhh idk what else to say

[leqclerc]

Sebastian & Charles | Running Up That Hill [x] And if I only could, I’d make a deal with God, and I’d get him to swap our places; I’d be running up that road, be running up that hill with no problems

#formula 1 #f1edit #charles leclerc #sebastian vettel #sebchal #didn't really work in the vid the way i clipped the song but holy fuck that 'it's you and me won't be unhappy' line........ #seb saying he wishes charles would win made my brain go brrrr #the whole song smacks of sebchal tbh & the cover was too good not to use #they have so many parallels between them - including the inevitable france 2022/germany 2018 comparison #they're in this unique position where they intimately understand each other's situation & circumstances & can relate #and i will never shut up about it ! #* #*mine: vid

[paeinovis]

Developing a theory that Phoenix's personal Place of Living is a disaster, while the Wright and Co. office is kept impeccably clean (him looking after Charley, compulsively cleaning the toilets in Multiple Games and even getting Apollo to in AJ) because Mia did the same (and/or had him doing those chores while he was interning for her lol)

#text #aa #aj #ace attorney #Apollo Justice #whether or not Mia actually tells him to do this via Maya/Pearl is up for debate but I like to think Phoenix is a creature of habit #and/or can't stand change and/or can't let go and therefore wants to keep things as they were when it was Fey and Co. #maybe he just cares a lot abt his ~professional image~ but I like to think it's more than that #the only time we really see the office messy is once Trucy comes into the picture #but also he's hugely depressed by then and may or may not be living in his office (I wish I knew what the entire floorplan was tbh. whether #or not he moved into office once he lost his job or What y'know) #like maybe it got messy bc they were living there and/or didn't have anywhere to put Trucy's magic stuff lol #or it's there so she can practice while he does work/investigating? who's to say #anyway!!! that's what I've been thinking abt aside from that goof post during my latest rewatch of my fav playthrough of the trilogy tm

[sagittariangirl27]

Pisces new moon tonight. 🌑♓️🦇

#synchronicity #I thought about posting here but didn't really know what #.5 seconds later I scrolled past this #I wish there was a way for me to explain the magic of this world without sounding crazy #I need proof of everything and got dragged into spirituality kicking and screaming #I have always seen myself as more of a logical person than a creative #the last few years have literally been insanity #relearning everything that I ever knew about myself #pulling it all out and picking out the good pieces #there are things I miss about myself so much #and I am grateful to get those parts back while shedding the things that never felt authentic #I have been meeting myself again a lot lately #the craziest thing to me is how fast the years fly by #i don't sleep anymore #I was doing well with that for a while #but I know all of the work I am doing will mean so much #I basically got put in speed mode in my healing journey #it's crazy to look back only months ago and feel like a whole new human being #the moral of the story is I have no idea what I am doing or what is going on #but something is guiding me #and it is the scariest coolest weirdest most terrifying thing #that's the hardest part to keep inside I think #I have to figure out what to do with all of this knowledge #and I still have no fucking idea #it's going to slap me in the face because that's how they do this shit #and then I will be like omg my whole life makes sense #this has happened more times than I can count #a lot of people wonder how the spiritual people suffer so much if they have all of this knowledge #how the fuck do you think we got that? #I have been to hell and back more times than I can count

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

the worst part of break is the last day when you're just drowning in stress thinking about going back. i feel literally physically nauseous

#the stupidest part is that i'm so fucking stressed mostly about my fucking FILM class #more than any of my honors courses #i haven't done enough work in it at all and i'm so embarrassed about it so i don't want to start working on it and show how little i have #done so i get even more behind #i have a film i have to make and it's only half done and now i can't fucking find it in my files cuz i'd planned on working on it this brea #but i got sick and wasted 4 days of my already stupidly short break #i have TWO whole presentations on an actor and a director and i don't CARE or know about any actors or directors #i just feel sick #i wish i could drop it or just fucking fail it but i can't #it's so so stupid #i'm never gonna be able to take another class with that teacher from the fucking shame i feel actually horrible every time i go in her clas #and the worst part is that it's literally my fault i could have just done the fucking work and i didn't #kiwifae says shit #ugh okay this made me feel better i need to just figure out my actor director presentations (which are my fucking final btw 😭) #i accept the shit grade i'm getting on the film i can fix it if i make decent presentations i'm just mad i'm doing bad and getting so #stressed over a dumbass extra class like film production like what #i still don't think i can take another class with her she's really pleasant but i just feel so so sick whenever i go in there cuz i feel so #guilty #which is a shame cuz she teaches photography which i would really like to take #maybe senior year idk i might not care anymore then #also i'm aware this isn't a normal amount of shame and anxiety just for procrastinating i just feel super bad abt this for some reason #sorry for ranting but i'm just blehhhhhhh rn #ok i'm gonna get something to eat and take a shower maybe i'll feel less like i'm dying #👍

[july-19th-club]

me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

#kjalkjsdalkjasdl mrs button was a nice lady but not one adult in my childhood ever seemed to notice what to me now seems like #a pretty obvious case of the autisms #then again maybe they just didn't look as hard unless it was *really* obvious back then . it was like. what. 2000? a couple years later #everybody was talking about autism but not when i was six or seven then it was usually just when it was Very Visible #a couple years later my cousin who's more visibly on the spectrum than me got her diagnosis so young that she's pretty much always had it #which is...well i think it's just made her life difficult in a different way. people underestimate her or don't treat her like she's her age #but then she's always had the opportunity to get accommodations and people are sometimes more forgiving when she can't do something #whereas i got labeled 'kid that should be ahead of the game' from a pretty young age and then when i struggled adults either ignored it #or it was just a huge hassle to them and even i could see it exasperated them to have to work around me #but because mrs button (nice lady but what were you thinking) hadn't told them to treat me like a kid with a developmental disorder #they didn't do that in good OR bad ways . so i never got any accommodations with school stuff i struggled with which was a fair bit #i wasn't supposed to need extra testing time in a quiet room or tutoring with math or help organizing my abysmally scattered things #the only time i DID get that was in sixth grade when i was sort-of friends with this kid jonathan who was Very On The Spectrum #he wasn't really a talker unless it was about whatever he was reading which suited me fine so we just kind of existed in each other's space #and his TSS was this very smart and nice lady who had clearly clocked that Something Was Going On With Me and even though it wasn't like #her JOB she made a little bit of time for me. mostly with emotional stuff (i think i was under the impression she was a therapist?) #but if i had some problem with being unable to keep friends or being frozen out by the kids i wanted to be liked by (happened often) #she'd be able to just like. be there she'd make the time . wish i could remember her name