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gunmetal-ring · 1 year

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anon again. i'm sorry that i keep coming to you with this depressing messages but you seem like one of the few sane ppl in this fandom and i appreciate your honesty.

truth is im feeling really disillusioned with hellcheer lately. we don't have a lot of "canon" content so after a while, it gets tiring going thru the same 2 scenes over and over again (especially when one of them involves chrissy's death). ive been relying on fandom but it seems like it's slowed down. fics arent updated as frequently, not a lot of new artwork.

heck, even joe and grace have moved on. joe's career is taking off. grace is leaving acting. it just feels like everything that happened last summer has come to an end :(

Aw anon thats okay. Ty for thinking of my feelings though 💓 (and also im flattered that you think im sane lmao)

Unfortunately its the way things go, especially with small ships, especially especially in a fandom as hostile as this one is. People come together and build community and share their love for characters and then g(r)o(w) their separate ways again.

But not everybody does! You and me, for example. And ive got plenty of hellcheer mutuals that seem perfectly content to draw, write, and rb their little hearts out.

I for one am absolutely astounded that theres even a fandom for hellcheer, let alone one with such talent and breadth and depth of love! Our characters had 2 scenes. Our girl was killed just as it all began. Our boy died with her name on his lips. In all likelihood we will never see them together on our screens again.

But somehow. Those ~10 minutes managed to foster an entire community of people and keep us engaged and in love w the characters for almost a year at this point! With no dangling promises or false hope or anything! Like we all know the score and we still go hard for hellcheer. Incredible.

Idk maybe it's just bc ive only had brainworms like this for 2 other ships and 1 of them is even smaller and the other one is a clusterfuck of unimaginable proportions, so im a little biased in terms of community/fandom, but im just like... idk. I think its really incredible thats all. And a testament to the very real power and truth of hellcheer 🥰

All i can say anon is that the best way to keep a fandom/ship going is engagement. Likes on tumblr and kudos on ao3 are great. But whats even better and more motivating (and i say this as a fic writer/meme shitposter so im speaking the total truth lol) is reblogs and comments. Tell people how much you love their work and how much it means to you, it goes a very long way. And on the flip side of that - stay out of the infighting. All it does is sap your mental energy and the fandom infighting bullshit is a major contributor to why people leave. The negativity and bitterness warp your perspective and make it really hard to remember what we're here for - it's not anti-st*ddie or anti-qu*nn stans or anti-anti-hellcheer or what the fuck ever. We're here for hellcheer!

Sorry my $0.02 is now $2.00 bc i ramble lol its a fatal flaw of mine. Anyway im sorry if this is annoyingly positive or dismissive but im in a strangely upbeat mood rn so there you have it

#im not getting into the whole joe/grace career stuff bc ive talked abt it a million times and i dont want to invite more bad faith anons #op #hellcheer #ask #anon

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colgatebluemintygel · 1 year

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sorry I’m all up ur notifs rn but thought this should be a separate ask - in ur response to my previous ask you mentioned that remus has this air of vulnerability to him which is part of what draws ppl in, and I’m curious whether u feel that that vulnerability is outwardly visible (to other characters I mean) in OAO? Or rather, clearly it is since u mentioned it in this context lol, but I’m curious how that shows through (or if it’s just his vibes)? Since we (so far!) only rlly see him through Sirius’s unreliable narration and he obv knows Remus so well but also describes him as rlly hard to read and hard to get him to show vulnerability, and I’m curious now if that’s something about Remus that’s clear to everyone (which might be what ur referring to about him being mysterious) or something Sirius sees bc he knows Remus so well - I guess I’m intrigued that ppl seem to pick up on his vulnerability when it seems like he’s working so hard to hide his emotions in order to avoid seeming vulnerable, yk? He’s such a fascinating character lol (I am just like everyone in the club fr)

PS. this is how I’m picturing the sandals, except with the leather even more beat up and cracked:

(PPS If there’s any way you’d be willing to share where we’re up to in the OAO playlist in terms of chapters/events………finding out the Remus POV was next totally upended my personal theories about which songs were part of his POV lol so I’m v curious)

omg never apologise!!! i literally love talking about them <333 SO YES i think in part the vulnerability comes through in his general appearance; sirius is constantly waxing lyrical about how sexy and beautiful remus is, but he's also this bird boned man who looks like he lives off porridge (aka the only thing he knows how to cook) and cigarettes. he has perma eye bags and always looks a bit sleepy. yes, he FUCKS but he could also do with a protein smoothie if ya feel me. sirius's very first impression of remus was that he looked like a well-loved teddy. comforting, but also something to be treasured and protected.

i do think a huge part of the draw for people towards him is his almost contradictory nature; on one hand, he's so very kind and gives off strong sensitive guy vibes (in the same way that all tall spindly men reading beaten up books on the bus do), but he's also elusive af. and i really think this combination of traits makes people go wild; it's like a tease. like you KNOW there is so much there under the surface, but it's all being kept tightly under wraps,, and people can't help but fall for that. they want to be the one to uncover it all! added to that, he's always willing to lend an ear to other people and their problems, but he becomes v dodgy when it comes to talking about himself. sirius always feels guilty for taking up room with his feelings, and definitely part of that (not that sirius realises) is remus using sirius's feelings as a bit of a buffer for his own. if that makes sense? he's not being intentionally manipulative, but he feels like his own feelings are a burden; i think tied to that is a desire to make sure that nobody else around him feels like a burden for their feelings, but also a desire to just feel useful.

also, what will be made particularly evident in the next chapter ;-) is that remus controls himself A Lot around sirius. more than anyone else. around sirius, he's both the most himself and at his absolute most vulnerable, and that combination absolutely terrifies him. and he works overtime to try and keep himself under control. it doesn't help that sirius always finds a way to slip under remus's defenses, so he always tries extra extra hard to guard against that. but sirius always finds ways of surprising him (and vice versa)!

anywho..... i think the essence of what i'm trying to say here is: at his core, remus is incredibly vulnerable, and he works overtime to try to negate that. but!!! we will see some of those walls fall... :-) eventually :-))))

YES YOU GET IT. THOSE ARE HIS SANDALS. THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE FALLING OFF HIS FEET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TAKEN FROM THE GRAVE OF AN OLD WELSH SHEEP FARMER. DUG UP AT AN ARCHAEOLOGICAL SITE AND PLACED DIRECTLY IN REMUS'S HANDS. THAT IS THE VIBE !!!!!!

oooh yes of course <333 remus's songs are house of cards - half the day is the night ;o)))))

#oao

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mysfated · 1 year

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𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎: honey

𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜: they/them

𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: discord

𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚎: @khrused. currently on my mind: ruby matthews, christine daaé, gazala bravard, makawi-sa, esme cullen

𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎/𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 (𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚑𝚜, 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜?): in general, i've been rping since uh 6th grade? so however long ago that was lol but on tumblr i started with liara t'soni back in 2013? i think? my sophomore year of college .

𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚜 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍: when i was a weee baby on the internet lol i started rping in forums. i eventually moved to skype, then tumblr! now add discord in and that's pretty much it.

𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎: ya know, every time i've joined a fandom it always ended up turning kind of gross or toxic but i think the very beginning of my tumblr rp years lol there were no rules. it was the wild wild west out there and its crazy that i still have rp friends from that era like tati, @vaedar and @wcsea ! and that's so fucking wild isn't it??? lol but i rly think the best experience was meeting my best friend who doesn't rp on here anymore so i can't tag him but i love him so much. we actually met via an ex who was in the ovw fandom, and when we broke up they were like !! right there bc that guy kinda fucked us both over so ya know we bonded and wow i love him so much rly owe a lot of my growth to him. wish you could read this rn milo bby !! and i would say meeting and befriending rosemary @musecraft who i would also like to thank for a lot of my growth as a person and friend and just...idk i love you so much too!!! and i think we og met as multis right? or was it hera? i think it was the multi! wow i cant even remember now bc i feel like i've known u my whole life and even tho we never met irl i feel like !!!! i have already? idk. u mean !! the world to me and i love you to pieces. and i truly truly thank u from the bottom of my heart for just !! idk making that move to speak to me one day and letting me be your friend <3 and lastly even though we're not on great terms anymore i guess but i gotta say rly thankful for my most recent ex. i just rly appreciate that they allowed me to explore my imagination and rly encouraged me to dive into characters i never thought i would before, or to dive further into the ones i already love. like london??? existing is all bc of my ex. lunafreya too. makawi-sa as well. they may not be my favorite person anymore but they rly gave me a space to be creative and i have to acknowledge that. AND LASTLY LASTLY gosh this is like a rly long thank u speech but @honnleathrose .... wow. i know we're not as close as we used to be anymore but meeting you, our friendship, everything you've taught me about photoshop and writing and just being a good person and standing up for myself. meeting you !! and having those laughs and skype sessions with you were everything!! and i love and miss you and truly meeting / befriend you is on my top list of the best things tumblr has given me. so as much as i complain about this site now... i got my reasons to stay <3

𝚛𝚙 𝚙𝚎𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚜/𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚛𝚜: i mean other than the usual don't be an asshole shit but when ppl are just ?? mean and angry?? for no reason??? there's truly no reason to be so up in arms all the time !! i rly think ppl, espec on the internet. are just... so in the defense all the time and its rly hard. as someone as anxious as i am it makes approaching ppl rly hard now. so yeah, if u give me that vibe. thats it. i'm done. also when ppl don't get that i just dslgdfjk i need time sometimes. i'm not fast !! ooc or ic. i'm tired and depressed and i want to write and talk when i want to , ya know?

𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏, 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝚜𝚖𝚞𝚝: 👀👀👀 all of them !! but y'all know smut has a special place in my heart. i love smut lol but also angst. pls hurt my feelings

𝚙𝚕𝚘𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚜? both !! but definitely plotting. the more you plot with me, the more we create together the easier it is for me to write! to create and know how to respond. othertimes i get rly stuck on whether YOU'D THINK ITS OKAY. so truly the more we plot, the better!!!

𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚜? i truly don't care !! just write with me <3

𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎?: when i'm smoking and drinking my coffee and got a good show or movie or podcast in the background uwu

𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚎? in some sense there's a part of me in every muse! but i think the muses i gravitate towards the most are @khrused and rosalie hale, mainly due to their histories and pasts. hera was birthed as an exploration of my own trauma years and years ago when i was rly struggling with all the realizations in college. and rosalie.... i just... what happened to her is what happened to me (except murder ofc) and i've always HATED the way sm/eyer wrote her in the books... i just...it was a personal vendetta for me to get it right. so i own rosalie hale now. she is mine. and i will make it right. just like !! i worked through my own shit !! ya know?

tagged by: @wcsea thank u my love !!

tagging: @madewebs , @musecraft (if u haven't done so already lol), @whalefelled , @timpahura , @theysonder , @immobiliter !!

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nonsensegnomes · 2 years

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bestie what are your top nine favorite movies atm

oooh good question <3 well like i said i'm discovering i've covered way more ground in tv over the last few years (which i'm gonna rectify soooooonnnnnn i think, got a lot of exciting recs from that recent tag game!!) so this is pitifully basic, but like in terms of what i'm thinking about Right This Moment:

the hitcher – slightly deranged about this ever since i saw it last week, a movie perfectly tuned to my preferences <3 love love LOVE the main performances & the dreamy atmosphere & the cinematography; just! the americana of it all!! plus there is soooo much to dig into, like the folkloric resonances (i mean the vanishing hitchhiker story HELLO), the gay panic (as in the actual original homophobic meaning) every shot of the first half hour is just LACED with, that scene where he puts the coins over his eyes in the diner.... obsessssssssssed.

the black phone – okay so i watched this last night & it might fade from the faves over the next few days but rn i can't stop Picking at it. genuinely Disturbed me a couple times so 🙈👍 ethan hawke ATE, the little girl playing the sister KILLED it, and my friend pj should've had more screentime so the sets of siblings could parallel each other or something but wcyd ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i am a little I Can Fix It about some of its clunkier plot points, but the main conceit of the phone fucked soooooo hard i can forgive it 💖

it 2017 – listen. i have been feeling this rewatch approaching all summer & as soon as i get my grubby hands on a projector (as god intended this movie to be watched <3), august is going to be thee month for it!!! idk it just has a very dear place in my heart 💕 like everyone else i did have a 2019 breakdown despite its many Many flaws, but the first one remains That Bitch w/ the perfect pacing & ending... coming of age film that just happens to have a clown in it babey!! also always going to care about eddie kaspbrak unfortunately 😔

nausicaä of the valley of the wind – my fave ghibli movie!! What Is There To Say. it was the first one i saw before i was aware everyone went insane about like hmc & princess monoke (which i also adore!!), so at first i was just Captivated by the animation genius & the Weirdness & the design of those bugs... it just plucks at something in me, like this is PRECISELY the kind of post-apocalyptic story i can enjoy, like what a coherent & hopeful environmental message that's, well, not subtle but certainly managed with a very deft touch!!!

fight club – sorry for being a film bro :/ anyway go look at this important piece of LGBT history

the death of stalin – love a comedy where everything falls apart around & also due to a bunch flailing back-stabbing incompetent idiots, so of course an armando iannucci joint always hits the spot <3 just SUCH alarming pettiness & cruelty that you have to laugh in the face of it ohhhh my godddddd

southern comfort – okay so kinda cheating with this docu, but it just impacted me sooooooo deeply the first time i saw it & i still go back and rewatch every once in a while. despite how sad it gets at the end, it actually is one of those things that gives me Real hope bc the whole thing is just about love & community & the radical Comfort transness allows you to find in yourself 💕💕💞💖 i would definitely rec it to absolutely everyone, it's only 90 mins & absolutely Life-Changing; i think there was a clip going round here a while ago about how affirming t4t love can be, and imo that just sums up the whole vibe. rest in power robert eads ✊😔

fire walk with me – well this is my favourite movie of all time despite the fact that i can NEVER ever watch it again ✌️ like i am well aware that it is technically kinda all over the place, what with david seeing fit to make the first half hour just "fbi procedural david bowie cameo now THIS character says something ominous & incomprehensible" but also. i Do Not Care bc the next hour + a half made me cry so hard it took me like 5 hrs to watch it; jesus CHRIST she was just a kid who needed someone to reach out and help her!!! laura i would have done so much cocaine with you & kept you alive forever!!!!!! also lynch's weird cryptic storytelling just appeals to me personally bc the way the meaning comes more from the audience's emotional response makes it kinda work on the same level as a folk tale for me, which i loveeeeeeeeeee unpicking; saw a post once about fwwm being structured like the saint's life of a martyr and !!! that is exactly It!

stardust – an all-time favourite, i mean the costumes! the pacing! the fun twists on fantasy tropes! the sheer CAMPINESS of it all!!! the way the plotlines converge in the end WOWED me as a child and to this day every time i watch another fantasy movie i'm like. Well You're Not Stardust Are You :/

& honourable mention to those films always occupying some part of my brain, that i can mouth along with from memory just because they are so comforting to me: tsn, the princess bride, 10 things i hate about you, pride 2014, bend it like beckham, saw (this nearly made the main list but like. too obvious.), the parent trap (1998 version), the karate kid

#hiiii bestie!! sorry i ignored this for a few days!#but i am BACK in good wifi now & Thinking About Movies #asks #americanphysco #also 9 is way too few i'm realising i wanted to put american psycho on here too #but i had to restrain myself bc what i've ACTUALLY been thinking about is the barbie movie version we've made up in our heads 😌#but fuck it the orig is a fave too put it on the board #personal #long post

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aquariansarehumanitarians · 2 years

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14-17 for that hypnosis micnosis ask game :3c

14. Which division makes the best music overall in your opinion?

Ooooh I mean…

Okay. So legally (and to no one’s surprise) I am required to answer FP I genuinely love everything they’ve ever touched. Even the songs I didn’t like at first have grown on me and hold deep sentimental value.

Bc I’m too indecisive I literally went and tallied up the songs I listen to constantly and apparently DH is officially my second preferred group, music-wise? Not super surprising tbh. I love MTR and BAT’s stuff too. If I’m listening a song that isn’t FP it’s probably one of those three groups.

15. How much does the music matter when it comes to you liking a division?

This is kind of a tricky question? Bc the story and music are so interwoven in terms of how they’re presented, it’s kind of hard to tell. It definitely matters to a certain point, bc I initially thought MTR was gonna be my favorite group because I liked their music the best upon first listen during the 1st DRB? And vice versa, I didn’t really pay that much attention to MTC bc I didn’t like their sound as much.

I think the other way around is more easy to gage? I think me liking a division directly influenced how much I like their music, bc now even if I’m not absolutely bananas about an FP song at first, it will inevitably grow on me bc I love Them. Like, admittedly Drops was not my favorite song for a long time?? But then 2nd DRB hit and Ramuda became top tier for me and I was like “I’m listening to it forever now”.

16. Do you like their music more(or less) than the division itself sometimes? Which ones?

I think DH falls in this category rn? I LOVE their music, but I feel like I don’t know enough about the group as a whole to know how attached I am to them yet? Like, I love the characters individually and find them interesting, but I don’t think they’ve had the chance to grow as a group the same way that the other divisions have. BAT is kind of the inverse of this. I love them and I’m deeply attached to them but in general I like their group stuff a lot more than their solo pieces.

BB also definitely falls here. Nostalgic bc their music was my introduction to hypmic and I genuinely like a lot of their stuff? But I’m not super invested in their story as of rn

17. Is there a song you hate?

I don’t think I hate any hypmic songs?

However, here is a list of songs I would probably skip if I were listening to all of them in a playlist:

Faces

2Die4

New Star

WAR WAR WAR

The Champion (sorry,,, I love MTR too but it just doesn’t catch my attention like their other stuff does bbbb)

You Are, Therefore I Am (I KNOW,,, DISRESPECTFUL,,,)

Showdown (thematically relevant song, but I’m not often in the mood for it)

Please note that this list changes like every week bc at random a song will just grow on me lol

Thanks for the ask! owo

#ask game #mutuals #cherie #hypmic #musix moods

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mangoisms · 1 year

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dc anon here :D i’ll just start by saying holy shit i think we have the same brain because i also thought tee would like dick and steph (absolutely loved that u mentioned jason cuz he’s my silly billy <3). and yeah u get it !!! the entire concept of robin being batman’s light is what she would love about their dynamic. tee is one of those steph stans that jumps at the very mention of batman and robin just to go on a rant aboutt how steph is usually overlooked (and she’s right !!!! #justiceforstephaniebrown)

and FUCK because i also thought miyuki would LOVE constantine. i’ve been thinking abt this since i found out tee likes dc and it’s like u said the mf would enjoy his character sm (petition for tee to get him into the constantine comics). now if we’re talking robins, i honestly don’t know why and i might be biased here because he’s my blorbo but i feel like he’d like damian. don’t ask why. i just feel like he’d enjoy everything about him learning how to live and be a child while accepting the love that his family has for him (damian’s dynamic with dick makes me CRY)

thank u for letting me rant i am so sorry abt this being kinda long but my brain went overdrive when i found out tee is a dc stan. thank u so much for writing this story it’s honestly one of my all time fave fics. i love u and ur work sosososo much ur an icon to all daiya and dc lovers out there <33

YEAHHHHHHHH EXACTLY that is SO real!!!!!! our minds 🤝🤝🤝

ok this also got really long so i’m putting it under the cut just for efficiency’s sake (this is not bad i had so much fun anon THANK YOU)

anyway this is literally us rn

so real.

but yes!!! yes!!! i agree!!!!! tee would be THEE biggest steph defender ever!!!! Tbh i’m thinking about her pets now and i’ve kept the robin specifically vague in terms of batman the snail and robin the betta fish but given actual thought, she would lean toward seeing steph as the particular robin there. so like. robin steph as the betta. batman as the snail. and it just fits their dynamic i think.

(also on the topic of unrecognized robins she would also be a robin!duke defender. i was looking back at dgfh now and she does specifically say that batman has had six robins, so dick, jason, tim, damian, AND steph and duke, though i’m likely missing others in that case but those are the ones i know the most about so yeah. Yeah. you get it anon you just Get It)

(also i toiled endlessly over my decision to have batman be the snail and robin be the betta so with all that said, can i ask, what, if any, thoughts you had on that because tee mentions struggling and that was really me tbh but what do you think?? off the mark?? should it have been switched so batman is the betta and robin is the snail? or it’s totally cool either way??)

(also sorry i am bombarding you but i’m so pleased to have a daiya/dc fan to talk with, genuinely KSJFNEJJDJE and that decision was surprisingly hard!)

OK back on track

I KNOW truthfully i hadn’t given it thought but the more that i think about it, the more i’m like oh yeah he would be a john constantine enjoyer. if only bc constantine is like. an asshole. OSNFNJEJFBEJD.

oh that is. INTERESTING. damian being miyuki’s favorite robin i mean. wow… no anon i get it you have me Thinking Thoughts.

i was thinking about it in the first ask and it did stump me because i think robin dick and robin jason wouldn’t fit him. nor would tim because i do think he’d find him. A Little bit annoying. (but i also think tim and miyuki are a Little similar. at least in terms of like being logic-oriented.) i thought robin steph would be the most likely choice since she is the most. hm. belligerent of them? that’s not the right word but. you get me. like it’s. Steph. OSJDJJDND.

but damian… i hadn’t thought of it at all but genuinely i think you’re right. he has that edge to him that would be appealing but also. The Journey. like you said. of being able to relax and grow in a mostly good environment. yeah… YEAH… ok that really does it for me because i do particularly like the thought of having like teen miyuki be like. I am not here to make friends. There is only baseball ever. But then like kuramochi and eijun stick with him even after graduation and are like You are so annoying. We love you and we are not going to abandon you. And adult miyuki Understands. Suddenly. That there is baseball but also… Friends. And baseball is not forever…. Yes. Yes!!!!!!!! excellent excellent thought anon that is so good thank you for putting that in my brain

i should thank you!!!!!! this got. Very Long. but it’s just so fun ^_^ and i don’t mind at all talking about it!!!!! especially when you have so many good ideas like really this was enlightening!!!!! truly!!!!! ^_^

thank YOU for reading and i’m so happy to hear you’re enjoying everything!!! like i said a lot of my stuff is self indulgent so i’m happy if anyone else also finds it well-suited to them and enjoys it even more bc of that. anon i love u and these lovely asks for scratching that particular dc/daiya itch!!! <333 thank you again hehe 🫶🫶🫶

#a nice treat given the week i’ve had!!!!! so thank you for that sending you millions of hugs <3 #inbox #anonymous #dc anon 🔎

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magichcuse · 2 years

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I was going to go to bed "early" (as early as someone with my messed up circadian rhythm can possibly sleep...and it's been nearly an hour since I started writing this post so there's no chance of me going to sleep early now rip), but I'm having a hard time sleeping I'm going to make this post about what fragments of myself I place in my OCs here because bleh. (This may or may not give insight to why I focus on some ocs more than others.)

Putting this warning in as I am in the middle of writing this post—below the cut is a clusterfuck and I suggest you scroll part this if you aren't emotionally prepared for it.

Franklin and Vivian are probably the most obvious projection characters I can think of rn. Not to the point of them being self insert characters, of course, but they're the two that immediately stick out to me.

Gonna start with Franklin because he's not as heavy to get into. I was a lot more like him in middle school (with some of Alroy's quirkiness because it was before I started feeling self conscious about being openly weird)—an introverted bookworm who was a doormat to a much more outgoing friend. (I had a falling out with that friend but eventually was on good enough terms to be their roommate in college so take that as you will.) There's also the feeling of being expendable—I've been trying to remind myself that I'm more important than I think I am, but I sometimes fall into the same pattern of "well, X has other friends that are probably less awkward than me" and "would they even notice if I stopped posting?". I didn't mean for this to get so heavy so quickly oh no.

Then there's Vivian...if I could place another readmore block under the first one, I would.

Vivian's home life isn't completely like mine—Patrick developed traits from both of my parents while I decided to make Kathleen more stable to balance things out. Intentionally leaving things vague because this is a blog post and not a therapy session, but the "feels like they ruined their parent's (or parents') lives by coming into existence" and hiding issues/handling everything on their own to avoid burdening others (this is also a Franklin trait, but I think he's more likely to eventually reach out for help bc he has more of a support system while Vivian waits for everything to crumble around her before she even considers reaching out) aspects are more reliable than I want to admit. Vivian became even more relatable once I introduced the plot line of her having power drained from her—the frustration of not being as productive as I want to be and wondering how I'm ever supposed to function in society. Her depression (ie. numbed emotions—it's easier for me to emote online, but even when I'm hyped about something irl I'm like "it's alright I guess" or just "cool") and hypervigilance (I get spooked by the sound of dishes clanging together or my parents loudly talking to each other even if they aren't actually fighting—the perks of having an auditory processing disorder—because I have negative associations...my mother claims it's PTSD, but that doesn't feel right because I associate PTSD with vivid flashbacks and I don't get those because awful memory...it's more like a Pavlov's dog thing except with anxiety??) also feel relevant to me.

And to lighten the mood (+ because I'm too drained rn to go down the list of all my magic OCs), a quick round of other themes that were/are a part of this blog that are relevant in my life:

Perfectionism

Anxiety about academics (to the point where I'm afraid of even looking at my grades because just thinking about them makes me feel sick...this has bitten me in the ass before but I still haven't gotten over it)

Anxiety in general

Wanting to be free from expectations

Not feeling in control of their own life

ADHD

Neurodivergence in general (idk how many of my ocs on this blog specifically I've explicitly headcanoned to be autistic—there's Hal, Nettie, lowkey Emil, and maybe Marion on the other bird blog—but there's definitely some autistic coded characters here whether I intended it to be that way or not)

Love of music (I was more musically inclined in my youth—I wanted to be a famous singer when I was really little and used to post myself singing on my older blogs; I'm not an expert in any musical instruments though...I was going to learn how to play guitar and taught myself basic af songs on the piano but that's it. Oh! And I had the obligatory recorder lessons back in my early school days)

Wanting to escape

Parental issues in general (I don't set out to recreate my home environment to a tee bc why would I want that, but I incorporate certain elements from it for catharsis)

Fear of failure

Some ocs randomly inherited interests of mine (vintage fashion for Breanna, lockpicking for Kathleen, and Ebony's was rollercoasters but that evolved into thrill seeking in general? All of these interests have yet to extend past watching videos on YouTube as of rn)

Being queer

Close bond with animal companion

Idk what else rn I'm so tired

#{behind the magic} | ooc #ask to tag #《 this might be tmi but this is my blog and maybe one or two people check this blog anyway 》#《 i mean that in a 'having less active followers makes it easier to be raw than on my other blogs' way 》#《 this post quickly devolved oh dear 》#《 like i meant this to be comparing myself to my characters but it turned into a hot mess 》#《 the only reason I'm posting this is bc i spent too much time typing this to just erase it 》

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hufflautia · 4 years

Text

Different Love Languages

✨COMMENTS+REBLOGS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED✨ They motivate me and make me supes happy, so please pretty please reblog and/or comment!! It doesnt even have to be a coherent comment, keysmash if you must! ok fanks go read now and enjoy <3

Summary: Hufflepuff is the type of person to express her love verbally but Slytherin is different; he hardly says “I love you” and Hufflepuff worries that maybe it’s because he doesn’t love her as much as she loves him. Our darling puff will realize that this is simply not the case. People just have different love languages.

Hufflepuff loved Slytherin. She really did. In fact, she reminded him frequently.

“I love you,” she chortled during breakfast when Slytherin had cast a spell to make the bacon strips float around in a dancing manner so that she would cheer up after reading depressing news from the Daily Prophet. Another time, she cooed the term of endearment as he held her tightly in his arms, swaying to the sound of music in the background.

The thing was that Slytherin rarely said “I love you” in the entirety of their relationship. Instead of saying it back to her, he often replied by cupping her cheeks tenderly and leaning in for another kiss. Other times, he responded with a loving smile, his eyes glowing with warmth and infatuation.

It’s not that Hufflepuff thought Slytherin didn’t love her. She could definitely see it in the way that he looked at her, in those stolen glances when he thought she wasn’t looking. She could feel it when he held her close at night, his arms wrapped protectively around her.

However, a part of her- the small shadow of doubt within her heart that told her that Slytherin didn’t care for her as much as she did for him- just wished for some kind of affirmation, a clear signal that said, “I love you.”

One day, Hufflepuff and Slytherin sat side by side in Potions class, listening to Professor Slughorn drone on and on about Felix Felicis. She was absentmindedly staring at the board when Slytherin slid his notes in front of her so that she could see the doodle he drew on the side of his paper.

*Credit: Beastflaps*

Hufflepuff bit her lip to suppress a laugh and squeezed his hand 3 times.

Unfamiliar with the motion, Slytherin asked what the squeezes meant.

“It means I love you,” she whispered. Her voice was soft so that Professor Slughorn didn’t overhear their conversation.

Nevertheless, Slytherin heard every word. A smile tugged at his lips and he immediately squeezed it back. He didn’t just stop there; he repeated the gesture about 6 times- and Potions class hadn’t even ended yet.

From that day forward, Slytherin constantly told her I love you. Sometimes he squeezed her hand randomly- before he left for Quidditch practice, during breakfast when she passed him a plate of toast, and after he walked her back to the dormitory.

Aside from that, he would occasionally tap out the gesture with his finger.

Tap tap tap.

Hufflepuff looked up from her book and made eye contact with Slytherin from across the room. She knew what it meant. She always did.

Slytherin said I love you all the time now, more often than Hufflepuff’s verbal “I love you”.

She realized that he had a different love language from her, and that was ok. It was the love itself that mattered.

On their wedding day, as the officiant performed the ceremony, Hufflepuff looked up at Slytherin with adoration. “I love you,” she whispered.

He smiled warmly at her and squeezed her hand four times.

I love you too.

Based on a true story! If you can’t see the link that I attached, here it is:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/ahb1c1/sometimes_i_forget_my_husband_has_a_different/

MASTERLIST ~(˘▾˘~) (click my profile to see the pinned post, aka my masterlist, if you cant see the link)

Author’s note: YAYAY HI!!! DID YOU LIKE THAT??

probably yall @ me rn lmaoaoao

You might be wondering why i wrote this one-shot. There was no special occasion this time, I just got a bonk of inspiration one day. also i felt bad for reblogging my ice skating oneshot so much (i did it to respond to other peoples reblogs) and i sent an ask to my favorite fanfic writer, asking her about what happens if i reblog my own work and if it pushes my fanfic up the algorithm, and she answered my question but also said that she usually deletes her reblogs bc her followers would probably get annoyed if they kept seeing the same work over and over again. i felt bad bc i had just done that, and i didnt want yall to constantly see the same fanfic all the time, so i wanted to give u something new. also i was thinking back on that person who said that my writing was sporadic (they werent trying to be mean). Sporadic basically means spaced out and occuring at different intervals. i felt bad bc my writing is definitely spread out by one month for some reason. im not sure what this means for next month bc i never write 2 fanfics in one month. does this mean that i wont write a fanfic for november? hopefully not. ok that sounds sad, im sure it doesnt but who knows bc the college process thingies is killing me

I wrote out the general details of the story at 1 am one night when i was trying to sleep lmaoao heres a screenshot:

This is basically how I write for most of my fanfics at first, it consists of the general info along with some specific details.

At first, the one-shot was gonna be a drabble (aka a story that’s only 100 words long) but when I finished writing it, I went to wordcounter to check the number of words and it was 500! i was like oop ok im just gonna call it a oneshot then. i wrote part of the story on sunday morning and then i went to exercise in the park with my sister. afterwards, i wanted to keep working on it but then i became swamped with college stuff so i stopped. i started writing again today (its monday, but im posting it on tuesday, aka today for you- or maybe not if ur not reading this on the day that i posted it) and i surprisingly finished- but that was probably a bad idea to be writing the oneshot during this week because i have a lot of exams, but lets look at the bright side, i finished the story!

I didn’t think of the idea completely on my own. I actually read the reddit story (found it in a thread on insta) a few years ago, and I don’t know why but I was thinking about it that night and I decided to make a one-shot out of it! Isn’t it such a sweet story (the actual story, not this)?? It would be kinda nice if I reached out to the person and said, hey i wrote a story based on you and ur husband!

Anyways, I just made a meme:

i didnt actually get up, i just opened the notes app on my phone in the dark and wrote the details down.

this isn’t related but i made a meme about the ice skating oneshot:

I’m gonna cut the authors note short (i usually write a lot. its funny when u go back and see my authors note in chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series, bc its so so short. wowza, times have rlly changed!) bc i think i have at least 2 exams tomorrow. this is gonna be me when i post this one-shot in the morning:

bc i have to wake up early and i am most definitely not a morning person:/ OH GOD OK I HAVE TO STUDY NOW-

Love you all, thank you for reading! TOODELOOOOOOO

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list!

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shijiujun · 3 years

Note

hey, idk who else to ask - do you happen to know how gong jun managed to star in 2 BL adaptions? idk that much about c-ent, but i have seen quite a few people say that actors won't do one again if they already did one, as not to get a reputation i guess (?), so i was super surprised that he got announced for shl. is it just a rule for actors that gained all their popularity from a BL show? is it even actually a thing or just fans saying bc it has not happened much? thanks in advance if you know!

ehhhh okay so i kind of totally forgot he was in advanced bravely

okay wait let me bracktrack and break down the danmei/bl live action for you briefly as much as i can:

so bl dramas of the past right, forget wholesome plots (okay there may be like a small handful of exceptions) BUT honestly, every single china BL i’ve seen are mostly like the intense, makjang, angsty, super dramatic modern style ones - this was when BL live-action was starting out and slightly before the ban went into place, but i swear, all i ever saw were like BEs (or subtle HEs, but sooo much suffering and betrayal) - and there’s a lot of like skin on skin contact like either actual R21 scenes or hinted at - nothing wrong with any of these technically, but it made watching BL really sad af especially, when you watch those from china

then the ban happened, and things disappeared for a bit, and i think gong jun was really pretty lucky to not get cancelled in the industry for doing a BL show - because it was a huge possibility then, a lot of actors you saw in BL shows then didn’t really film after that?

and then of course now that everyone is sort of trying to skirt the no homo line by putting immense bromance, and obviously the shan he ling team really took quite a number of bold risks - risks that can have repercussions at any time, BUT sorry, getting back to your question:

1. so firstly, it’s just an assumption right, that actors don’t like to do more than one BL - i admit it’s really common, especially when they dont want to be typecast into a BL role? but i think it varies from person to person, honestly gong jun looks like he had real fun with filming and the script and everything, plus if he wasn’t like totally turned off from BL materials, i think he might have been more like “okay cool i’m getting paid for this” - a lot of actors themselves are like.. they really dont want to deal with these types of roles for a lot of reasons, some homophobic, some legit and understandable, and then there are definitely actors (and as long as the govt or censors dont crack down hard) that are like HOOOO alright, cool, another role,

2. yes, actors in bromances/bl adaptations these days do get more eyeballs - this is unfortunately (or fortunately) a fact of the industry - but i don’t see why this should be a huge issue - we all create content or be a part of content that will give us more exposure, so it’s pretty natural to head towards a show that will give you the exposure you need - there’s demand, and thank god for the supply just saying

3. more wholesome plots - so we no longer have like the makjang style like oh i’m gonna plot to incarcerate you or my parents are gonna harm you so you stay away from me plots *I AM NOT JOKING I WATCHED LIKE THREE LIKE THAT?!* - these are still current danmei plots and a lot of danmei writers specialize in like angst or gouxie - but these are definitely like more in your face hahaha, which brings me to the point of wholesome plots right - like we give you a little bit of fluff that can be explained away with “they are siblings”, touches that leave you screaming because damn that flirtation level - in any case, with for example TSOMD, CQL, MRIAD (not bl but close enough), now WOH, and in the future, SPL, MODU etc., there’s like greater plot they can focus on, rather than the INTENSE relationship itself - in terms of censorship it’s way easier to explain away

4. and also a legitly interesting plot?!?!?!?! i mean if you think about a lot of popular danmeis, the cult favourites, the focus isn’t just that the main couple is gay yeah, even in Word of Honor the plot is like DAMN YES, compared to some like one layer modern love romance - hell yeah i’d go fight some jianghu baddies anytime

5. honestly if youku or whatever paid him enough i say do it HAHAHAHA i honestly don’t think it was anything complicated - simply MONEY + HANDSOME OTHER COSTAR + interesting plot + appreciation for script + more money + POSSIBLE VIRALITY + MORE MORE MONEY hell yeah i’d take it too damn

6. he could also really appreciate priest’s writing, i mean, she’s pretty much a legend rn

#asks #shl #tyk

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cloudslou · 2 years

Note

hi i really like reading about your thesis bc i'm also working on mine rn and i'm! so! lost! i wanna know if you have like a plan for writing yours? i'm also a humanities student so basically i just have to read a lot djkjf but i find it so hard to 😔 if your source is a book or a dissertation do you read it more than once? if you don't how do you choose your citations and stuff like that? do your write a summary for everything you read? i feel like i should but just reading has been really hard for me lately and i recently got a very demanding job so </3 yeah idk fkjdf also i'm sorry for this long ass message 😩

hi anon!!!

a) OMG good luck on your thesis!!!!!! wishing u all the best <333 lets get a support group going

b) reading so much IS hard, but i try to only read what i need. i dont write summaries for everything i read, though early on in the process my advisor did have me list all my sources and justify why i had them/their importance, but i've since gained more sources and havent done that on my own. you can mostly get the benefits of this just by thinking to yourself "how does this source help me? what will i need from it? am i likely to actually reference it in my thesis?"

c) if a source i have is really long (i.e. full book or someone's 300 page dissertation), i dont typically read the whole thing, but rather identify chapters or sections that i need and read those. for instance, one of my sources is Mothers of Invention: Women of the Slaveholding South in the American Civil War. my pdf is 343 pages, which is a lot to read if i'm only going to end up using a couple paragraphs. instead, i focused on chapter 7 specifically since that is what suits my needs. this chapter, at just over 20 pages, is a lot more manageable to read not only once but multiple times if i need to.

d) you dont have to become an expert on every book/article/etc you use as a source. i read things pretty fast and highlight what looks like something i'll need to refer back to, reading around it if i need context when i DO go back. but the highlight tool is my bestie cus i can scroll fast know when to stop on smth past me thought was important.

e) i dont know your thesis paper or what you study, but for history i am very much constructing a story around my evidence, so when i write something and need sources, i dont deep-drive into my sources, but rather just command+f to search for key words that i need (for example, the book i just posted abt in my tags. google books shows me about a 3 line preview of the pages i need based on my search of key terms, but those 3 lines are enough for me to justify writing a sentence in my thesis, and so then that book is now one of my sources).

f) i don't really have a "plan" for writing mine, but every week i meet with my advisor and i set goals for the next time i see her. over spring break, my goal was to get 2/4 analysis sections done (the sections where i am making my Own Original Historical Claims), and i did that! now my goal is to outline the following two sections and get this draft to her by tonight.

my advice is to list out your sections very clearly (even if you know what they are in theory, or you have to delete them when you are done). think about what your priority is (for me, its Making My Historical Claims) and focus on those. other things, like background info, introduction, etc are much easier to push though and the quality of those matters less.

also, focus on getting the words out rather than getting Good words out. think "what do i actually mean?" and try writing that, rather than thinking "here is my thought, how should i best put it into academic language". this might give you clunky sentences, things that dont sound good or need to be reworked, ideas that dont go together well or fully make sense yet, etc, but it gives you more to work with. and once you have the "bones" down, you can work on refining it.

pls dont read every source in its entirety. for history, i mostly need to read the introduction + conclusion, and then skimming inbetween (that is, if i dont just skip to what is relevant to me). i dont know what your discipline is like, so craft these rules to suit your thesis work.

#ask #anon #SORRY THIS WAS A LOT #but i hope even 1 word of it helps <3333

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certifiedceraunophile · 3 years

Note

Hiya!! Caroline Forbes for the character game, if you would be so inclined.

I am so so sorry I'm so late to this ask, but I'm hoping better late than never :) [like seriously I’m answering this a month late I am sooooo sorry!!]

First impression

My first impression of Caroline was during that scene at the grill, when she was drunk and like "I try so hard and nobody goes for me, nobody wants me, everything is a competition and I try so hard and NEVER win" to bonnie, and honestly calling myself out here, but I hated her in that moment simply bc I could see wayyyyy too much of myself in her, and I felt sort of vulnerable seeing such a blatant reflection of my deepest insecurities just sitting there in front of my eyes, but at that moment I wasnt looking to self reflect or read into it too deeply [I was there for mindless cheap entertainment] so my first basic impression I believe was to absolutely scoff at her, and I was like, I already dont like this chick, but also I was expecting her to be sort of a watered down regina george character, bc that's how they introduced her in terms of how she behaves w elena, she was supposed to be the shallow passive aggressive vapid bitch who's friendship is performative at best and toxic at worst, the way she treats Bonnie as a convenient sound board and replaceable company did not go unnoticed by me, these parts I can say I did not relate to, however I saw them for what they are, which is the makings of a headbitch mean girl who's imminent “untimely” death will not be mourned so much as alluded to constantly as a warning call and/or a cautionary tale for all the nameless dangers that are lurking in their godforsaken town, basically I expected her to die as a plot-pusher and then her death + the aftermath would've served as a convenient point of mild conflict between stelena to you know add to the "forbideness" of their relationship, so at this point all my first impressions were exactly what the writer's intended and honestly I was just waiting for her to die since it was clearly just a matter of time before that happened, but at the same time, I might not have been completely aware of this during that period of time, but the grill scene struck a chord with me and stayed with me quietly for a very long time, months later after reading several ffs and metas I can pinpoint that I was basically stuck between finding solidarity w Caroline in having the same insecurities as the character, and hating the fact that I had those insecurities at all to begin w and how vividly they were shown to me through Caroline without any restraint or cushioning.

So yeah you could say her character itself left me both vulnerable and seen at the same time so it was an odd mix of finding comfort and empathizing with this fictional character, but predominantly I was feeling.....agitated and hiding away from the truth that she represented to me; these two opposing feelings conflicted with one another constantly leaving me in a place where I mostly did not know if I liked her at all and if I didnt like her was it because she was written to be a mildly irritating side character [that I couldnt be bothered to emotionally invest in] or just because I saw too much of myself, especially the parts of me I dont particularly care for, in her to ever like her.

So yeah on one side I could say I wasnt deeply bothered [in a good or a bad way] by her, and only in passing acknowledged her to be the plot-convenient side character she was in the very beginning, but on the other hand, I somehow latently knew that it was so much more than that, and I am so so glad it was in fact the latter of the two that was true.

Impression now

Listen my impression of her now, cannot be encapsulated into a well thought out explanation of why I think so and so of her and how it affects me, but I think personally right now if you ask me what I think of Caroline, I would say I see her and I think,

Oh I....know you, I see you everyday when I think about the kind of growth I want to have, I see myself in your past and while you may have grown I havent, but I can see it’s possible, however fictional and non-existent you are, if it’s possible for you, it’s possible for me.

[Also I just wanna add here, that in no way am I, at this moment, referring to canon!caroline directly but I am strictly thinking of the Caroline I have built in my head and the growth I projected onto her when I saw her transition from vapid blonde shallow bitchy human [and here’s the thing she wasnt vapid or shallow even in her human days but the insecurities still made her feel that way] to confident, painfully real, optimistic, loyal and so overflowingly full of love-vampire who has forgiven her past self but also loves her past self because no one thought she was worth that but Caroline Forbes thinks 16 year old Human Caroline Forbes deserves just as much love as Vampire Caroline Forbes and if no one else is brave enough, real enough to give that to her she will give it to her herself, Which to me is beautiful and resonates so deeply with me and that is exactly what I would say is my current impression of her; A girl so full of love and light, even her own shadow self cannot escape it.]

Favorite moment

Every moment she beats up a guy is my favourite moment and every time she insults Klaus with a smile on her face is also my favourite moment.

Idea for a story

Ok so I’ve had this idea brewing in my head for a while and I’m really excited to make it into an extensive multichap work when I do get the time, but you know how in Legacies [gag] there’s this episode where in an alternative universe where Hope doesnt exist at all, Caroline and Klaus are the cutest Enemies of the State couple to ever exist and they both are basically fucking shit up to the point where the humans wanna end the supernatural world as they know it, in legacies the reason behind the supernatural uprising was something unnecessarily sordid and stupid but I am basically thinking of something else but will lead to the same alternate universe we see in legacies, the basic premise rn is that Klaus and Caroline are the Supreme leaders of the supernatural community and are leading them against the humans in this war that has broken out all over the world in a bid to end the supernatural world altogether, and I kind of have it outlined to take them from However Long it Takes my Last Love to let’s discuss our next strategy to over throw all opposing world governments on this table and then proceed to fuck on it.

So yeah I kinda wanna say stay tuned for that, but I wont cuz seriously I have no faith in myself lmao.

Unpopular opinion

As much as I love to criticize other characters [mostly Elena] for being hypocritical twats regarding Caroline’s choices, Caroline herself is a hypocrite multiple times through out canon, but I myself find that I am ok with that, since I never expected her to be perfect and her hypocrisy only makes her more real in my eyes since every time she is a hypocrite she is called out on it and made to face her own double standard.

Favorite relationship

I wanna say Klaus, like seriously I really really do, but for me personally the relationship my Vampire!Caroline has with her past human self will always be the most beautiful enriching and hope giving thing.

That and also her relationship with her mom and how it finds this transformation from a place where they constantly hurt each other and are estranged from each other to a place where they try so hard to understand and love each other and finding the other to be an unmovable pillar in their life that strengthens and holds them up also resonates with me deeply.

Favorite headcanon

This one

#anon asks #I am soooo sorry for getting so late to this anon #But I'm hoping the fact that I quite frankly cracked myself open and raw in some of these parts makes up for it :))))

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sorrowsz · 3 years

Text

30 Day Thinspo Challenge

I'm just gonna get this over with in one post lmao

Day 1: Your stats

My cw is 120 lbs which I think is the highest it's ever been? I don't get to weigh myself often lol

Day 2: How tall are you, do you like your height?

I'm like 5'5 or 5'6 so pretty average. I'm ok with it but I kinda wish I was taller lol

Day 3: A picture of your thinspo. What features do you like about this person?

Jack is goals tbh I mean just look at those arms. perfect

Day 4: Your greatest fears about weight loss

I'm kinda worried what happens after I get to my gw, like it's not too far away but I'm not just gonna go back to eating regularly when I get to it? Idk

Day 5: Why do you want to lose weight? Are you doing it for you?

I just want skinny legs tbh. I am doing it for myself, but I'd be lying if I said other people's opinions of me/my looks didn't matter to me. I miss the skinny nicknames lmao

Day 6: Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.

Yep, after I start restricting for too long I'll just devour everything in the refrigerator even if it makes me feel like absolute shit.

Day 7: Do your parents know you're trying to lose weight? Do they care?

Oh hell no. Idk if they would really care, but it's way too embarrassing bc I've been trying to lose weight for years now and I've only gained since then. I'm a failure lmao

Day 8: Your workout routine

I don't really have a routine, I just have a playlist of some different workouts to choose from. I don't even do it that often tbh I'm lazy (gonna start doing it nightly though!)

Day 9: Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?

Idk about negative but I've been told my legs are getting big by family. Another family member also told me they were fat lmao

Day 10: What was the hardest thing you gave up during this weight loss?

The ability to eat without counting calories lmao

Day 11: Your fav. thinspo blog and why.

I don't really have one rn. I spend so much time scrolling through this shit but I just kinda move on from one to the other

Day 12: What do you normally eat?

I've been living off instant rice noodles recently. 200 cal for a packet and it's so filling when drowned in water. Add a poached egg and you have some gourmet shit

Day 13: Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

Both ig? I used to do it more healthily but this recent dip back into being obsessed with getting skinny has been the worst so far lmao.

Day 14: What's your UGW? When do you expect to reach it?

Rn it's 96 lbs. I certainly could get there by the end of the year but knowing me I probably won't. A bitch can dream. A bitch can also undo a week's worth of progress in one day.

Day 15: Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you to lose weight? If no, do you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?

I tried veganism out a few years ago, but I'd never go back to it. I don't need stress dreams of accidentally eating meat or dairy products and binging. Fuck the cows tbh

Day 16: When did you first decide to lose weight?

I actually don't know. I have memories of trying to stop eating altogether and then binging on uncrustables from when I was younger, but I only really got into calorie counting like 2-3 years ago?

Day 17: Do you have an ED?

Nah but I certainly relate to the ed side of tumblr more than the dieting subreddits I used to subscribe to. Idk at what point you're allowed to say you have an eating disorder but I definitely have some disordered eating going on lol

Day 18: What food is your weakness?

Avocados and oil. Oil scares the living shit out of me, jesus. Why does there have to be so many calories in such a small amount??? And I love avocados but I just can't look at them the same anymore lmao

Day 19: When was the last time you ate fast food?

Idk the last time but my family gets it pretty often. I used to use it as an excuse to binge but once you learn the low cal options it isn't rlly scary anymore

Day 20: Fav. diet

I don't really go by any specific diets, I just try to stay under a specific amount of calories

Day 21: What are your clothing sizes?

Idk at this point. It varies too much depending on the brand so I just try shit on and don't pay attention to the size

Day 22: What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?

Maybe like 8 lbs? Idk I don't much remember being a baby tbh

Day 23: Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

Ofc lmao

Day 24: How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia?

I definitely don't like them lmao. I may be a bit hypocritical here as I spend so much time reading that shit, but it's different when it comes to other people ya know. I kinda worry just making posts like this is pro-ana? But like I can't talk to anyone else about it and I kinda need a secret vent acc so idk

Day 25: Have you ever purged? If so, describe your first experience.

I've tried, but I just. can't. I rarely ever vomit and honestly I think I'd rather fast it off than go through that. I wish I could just make myself do it but I keep removing my fingers once I gag

Day 26: What excites you most about reaching your UGW?

There's this cute two piece beach set I've had in my Amazon cart for so long that I'll finally be able to wear without hating myself. Hopefully lmao I may still be fat by then

Day 27: How do you deal with being around food?

I fucking love food. It's so hard for me to turn it down which is why I'm in this mess in the first place

Day 28: Do you want that gap between your legs (thigh gap)? Why?

Uh yeah. Idk why aside from that's what I was taught is attractive lmao. We live in a society tbh

Day 29: Your definition of beauty.

This one is difficult for me to answer. I want to be skinny but I don't think everyone does in order to be considered beautiful. Different people are just beautiful in different ways lol

Day 30: 10 facts about you!

I'm 16, female, my favorite director is either wes anderson or bergman (ik how this sounds lmao), uhh. Idk that's all you get lmao

#30 day thinspo challenge #30 day thinspo #disordered eating tw #thin inspo

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