Hufflepuff: If you could choose, how would you die?  

Slytherin: Dramatically. 

Hufflepuff: Here’s a dating tip– hold the door for your date, and rip the door off the hinges. Then, use the door as a weapon to fight off other people so that you can establish your dominance. 

Ravenclaw: I’m beginning to see why you’re still single. 

Slytherin: Don’t listen to him, please continue. 

Hufflepuff: We judge a person by what is inside and not by what they wear. 

Slytherin: Lucky for you, huh? 

Hufflepuff: *wrapping their multi-colored scarf around their neck* 

Hufflepuff: I have no idea what you mean. 

Hufflepuff: That wasn’t funny. 

Slytherin: Well I thought it was pretty funny.

Hufflepuff: You don’t count. Once, you started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you thought of a meme you saw on facebook. 

Hufflepuff: Being a girl sucks. 

Slytherin: Being my girl wouldn’t. 

Hufflepuff: What? 

Slytherin: What? 

Slytherin: Jumping out of a window is just short term skydiving. 

Hufflepuff: Slytherin, I swear to god–

Hufflepuff: Do you ever get that feeling where you look at someone and your heart skips a beat? 

Slytherin: That’s called arrhythmia. 

Hufflepuff: I get that feeling every time I look at y– 

Slytherin: That’s serious, Hufflepuff. You can die from it. 

Slytherin: I’m lactose intolerant. 

Hufflepuff: Don’t worry, I tolerate people regardless of whether they lack toes or not <3

Hufflepuff: Are you drinking enough water? 

Slytherin: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth. 

Hufflepuff: What? 

Slytherin: What? 

Slytherin: My life isn’t as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look. 

Hufflepuff: Why do you have a wanted poster- 

Slytherin: How much do you overthink? 

Hufflepuff: Do you ever kill a bug and wonder if their mom is waiting for them to come home but they’re dead? 

Slytherin: Could you get something from the top shelf for me? 

Hufflepuff: See? You do need me in your life!

Slytherin: I could replace you with a stepladder. 

Slytherin: My idea of flirting is to be as annoying as I possibly can and see if they can handle me or not. 

Hufflepuff: Is that why you keep bothering me- 

Hufflepuff: Do you ever worry that you’ll regret things in the future? 

Slytherin: Of course not. I regret everything immediately. 

Hufflepuff: Did you steal this? 

Slytherin: I prefer the term ‘mischievously possessed’. 

Hufflepuff talking to someone: Slytherin and I are really close. This year, we shared a toothbrush!

Slytherin: …I was not aware of this. 

Hufflepuff: Well, we did. 

Hufflepuff: What’s the worst decision you’ve made while drunk? 

Slytherin: Not to brag, but I don’t even need alcohol to make bad decisions. 

Slytherin: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all  invited. 

Hufflepuff: If you die? 

Ravenclaw: Great! The only party I’ve ever been invited to and Slytherin might not even die. 

Hufflepuff: You have no idea what I’m capable of. 

Slytherin: Don’t take it personally, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.