Hufflepuff: If you could choose, how would you die?
Hufflepuff: Here’s a dating tip– hold the door for your date, and rip the door off the hinges. Then, use the door as a weapon to fight off other people so that you can establish your dominance.
Ravenclaw: I’m beginning to see why you’re still single.
Slytherin: Don’t listen to him, please continue.
Hufflepuff: We judge a person by what is inside and not by what they wear.
Slytherin: Lucky for you, huh?
Hufflepuff: *wrapping their multi-colored scarf around their neck*
Hufflepuff: I have no idea what you mean.
Hufflepuff: That wasn’t funny.
Slytherin: Well I thought it was pretty funny.
Hufflepuff: You don’t count. Once, you started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you thought of a meme you saw on facebook.
Hufflepuff: Being a girl sucks.
Slytherin: Being my girl wouldn’t.
Slytherin: Jumping out of a window is just short term skydiving.
Hufflepuff: Slytherin, I swear to god–
Hufflepuff: Do you ever get that feeling where you look at someone and your heart skips a beat?
Slytherin: That’s called arrhythmia.
Hufflepuff: I get that feeling every time I look at y–
Slytherin: That’s serious, Hufflepuff. You can die from it.
Slytherin: I’m lactose intolerant.
Hufflepuff: Don’t worry, I tolerate people regardless of whether they lack toes or not <3
Hufflepuff: Are you drinking enough water?
Slytherin: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.
Slytherin: My life isn’t as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look.
Hufflepuff: Why do you have a wanted poster-
Slytherin: How much do you overthink?
Hufflepuff: Do you ever kill a bug and wonder if their mom is waiting for them to come home but they’re dead?
Slytherin: Could you get something from the top shelf for me?
Hufflepuff: See? You do need me in your life!
Slytherin: I could replace you with a stepladder.
Slytherin: My idea of flirting is to be as annoying as I possibly can and see if they can handle me or not.
Hufflepuff: Is that why you keep bothering me-
Hufflepuff: Do you ever worry that you’ll regret things in the future?
Slytherin: Of course not. I regret everything immediately.
Hufflepuff: Did you steal this?
Slytherin: I prefer the term ‘mischievously possessed’.
Hufflepuff talking to someone: Slytherin and I are really close. This year, we shared a toothbrush!
Slytherin: …I was not aware of this.
Hufflepuff: Well, we did.
Hufflepuff: What’s the worst decision you’ve made while drunk?
Slytherin: Not to brag, but I don’t even need alcohol to make bad decisions.
Slytherin: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited.
Hufflepuff: If you die?
Ravenclaw: Great! The only party I’ve ever been invited to and Slytherin might not even die.
Hufflepuff: You have no idea what I’m capable of.
Slytherin: Don’t take it personally, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.