#she’s incapable of being nice to people who she sees as inferior

[yuikomorii]

Greetings, I come with late night ramblings abt diabolik lovers. Big fan of your blog, I really like the side of the fandom which discusses the characters

Sometimes i wonder what it was like for the mukami bros to turn into vampires. Since vampires look so similar to humans the fact that they are a different species really slips my mind sometimes.....

So sometimes I find myself wondering what that psychological shift was like. The mukami bros were all pretty young and had grudges against humans in some way when they were turned, so parting with their humanity wasn't on their minds I think lol.

But despite spending lot of their childhood/puberty around vampires they still do act a lot more human like than the sakamakis. Granted, the sakamakis def have a lot trauma that compromises their ability to have any type of healthy relationship. But characters like ayato suggest that vampires aren't inherently incapable of the more "human" emotions (don't rlly know a good word for it mb).

I do remember ruki saying somewhere that because he is weak he stays with his family (not the only reason ofc, but having to band together/find strength in numbers to survive is a very human-like thing), yet he and his bros abandoned being human/ hold some level of resentment for humanity.

Anyways all that to say the mukami bros have an interesting relationship with their "humanity" and I'm overanalyzing characters in an otome game of which the lore is constantly retconned. Complicating this is the fact that we don't have a "average" or "normal" vampire to compare with

Also reject totally missed an opportunity to make a character that didn't want to be turned into a vampire, and had to struggle with the changes.

// Hello, thank you for enjoying my blog!<3

Hmm… If the person who becomes a vampire is kind-hearted and mentally stable enough to avoid wishing revenge upon someone or using their newfound vampire status as an excuse to treat people badly, I sincerely doubt that the psychological transition from human to vampire would hit that hard. Trauma caused the Mukami brothers to develop such a vicious nature, exactly like Yui in HDB did at one point when, as a result of being mentally broken, she started killing people in an After story. While pure-blood vampires do have their own set of morals and they obviously need blood to survive, I wouldn’t say they are inherently evil, taking into account that in LP and VC, some vampires were nice to Yui and the Diaboys. They are indeed predators, that’s something they can’t control no matter how much they try, but not all of them are malicious.

The Mukamis got rid of their humanity but they still kept acting like humans around one another because, after all, that’s how they were initially accustomed to. As for the Sakamakis… due to trauma as well, they were pretty twisted since childhood. I mean, most of them were the main cause something bad happened to any of their brothers in the past, therefore it’s to be expected that their relationship is not a healthy one. However, vampires are actually capable of experiencing human emotions, and Ayato is the living example of this given that he is confirmed as being the most human-like out of all due to the fact that he was already capable of displaying these emotions prior to meeting Yui (for example: wanting to sacrifice himself for his brothers, ruining Karl’s blue rose so as Cordelia wouldn’t get sad, crying when Cordelia died and, most importantly, valuing his life). Additionally, a vampire will begin to experience human emotions the more Eve's blood he consumes, so... that's basically part of the plan, according to what Karl said in Ayato’s DF route.

I wouldn't say the Mukamis hate humans; they held a grudge against aristocrats, but not humans in general, because they only see them as an inferior species. As for Ruki, the reason he would feel weak without his family isn’t only due to banding together or finding strength in number but rather it’s about them as his emotional support. Kou, Yuma, Azusa respect, praise and accept Ruki with all his qualities and flaws, therefore feeling needed and appreciated is actually what makes Ruki strong.

#admin

[lafcadiosadventures]

Madame Putiphar Readalong. Book Two, Chapter XXVII

Aka aristocrats and people in power hate it when someone they consider inferior doesn’t bow down to them, not even after being threatened with violence and tempted by pleasure and wealth.

tagging coreaders @counterwiddershins and @sainteverge

Sword and Letter. Printer's ornament by Illustrator Kenny Meadows and Engraver John Orrin Smith

Patrick bows to Putiphar, a theatrical gesture of mock protocol.

Her rage makes her tremble so badly she cannot write. She is hurt in many fronts. since her sex appeal and her social status are intimately linked, rejecting her advances (which are, imposed, from her, a high status highly influential person in court, to persons of lower social status) is rejecting the power of the king/the monarchic social order. Patrick was locked, coerced, tempted by her objectively beautiful -if occasionally characterized as grotesque- body. He was trapped alone with a beautiful woman, and he chose to reject her. This infuriates her, used as she is to getting her way with anyone because of her social status, because of her protection or fear of her retribution. Rejecting her body is a slap in the face to the arbitrary power of the monarchy.

Rendered incapable of writing, since she is furious she couldn’t have this man by way of her beauty or coercion, she summons actual historical person Nicole du Hausset (“the intermediary between the influential Madame de Pompadour and her many supplicants.” per wikipedia) to take dictation.

In the first letter she gives Villepastour the greenlight to arrest Patrick, as soon and as ignominiously as possible.

The next letter is flirtatiously (she wields power through her sexuality as we have seen)(this is part of her literary construction both as a gothic monster and as an arriviste who has climbed high thanks to knowing how to cleverly use her sex appeal, brains and charisma) addressed to Saint-Florentin de la Vrillière.

This letter is pretty brilliant in communicating what i understand Borel wants to communicate . She addresses the man and his political status erotizing both. “I need you, and by that i mean, i need the help of your adored ministry”, she says. She asks for two lettres de cachet. (letters carrying royal orders, post xviii century, of arrest, execution or banishment/deportation. These were issued secretly, sans any legal process, etc)(here you can see one signed by Louis XV himself, and it’s interesting to see the contrast of his rococo, tarabiscoted callygraphy and its contents) One of these is meant to revoke the pardon issued for Patrick and a second one ordering his arrest. It is mandatory for the minister (his bon petit saint) to come and see her, to agree on the terms of Patrick’s arrest.

Once she signs, (and with this we are back to the realm of the gothic) she feels a heightened physical relief. But her satisfaction is ferocious, she gets into bed in a massacring mood, where she didn’t savour a rest she wasn’t looking for. Her breast aflame, (like madame Vauquer’s, née de Conflans thinking of the prospect of marrying money, however, unlike Vauquer’s, Putiphar’s fire is not of joyful greedlust but purely destructive) And we get a nice paragraph i’m just gonna copy paste here:

When spiteful, one enjoys amplifying one’s own suffering, one indulges the pain one causes to oneself, one derives happiness from chomping at the bit; one wants to chew on it for a long time; one desires sleeplessness; one's thoughts simmer easily and this simmering is a rapid flow of ideas upon which one lets oneself go, as a sailless and oarless boat. 

(tr. @sainteverge)

This is interesting because it seems to reflect, not a psychological trait that is specific to Pompadour, but one the narrator considers universal, and in fact mirrors Patrick’s own wallowing in a sea of sorrow, reading sad books (illustrated by Blake) when feeling sad a couple of chapters ago. (this is in keeping with her both being characterized a gothic monster but also as a human, making that masochism something the narrator can understand. She has these very human traits, her gothic monster quality is not innate, but linked to her social status. This is also fitting with Borel’s construction of the Dark Fate as the power wielded by petty aristocrats sick with ennui, and a misguided idea of their own innate superiority. The line about being a sailess oarless boat is beautiful, this book has these very enjoyable poetic turns)

And then we get a spanish saying, paraphrased by the hispanophile  narrator as: “quien cuenta sin huésped, cuenta dos” -> apparently the original version cited in Cam’s translation: “quien hace la cuenta sin el huésped, la hace dos veces" and the drae merely cites “no contar con la huéspeda” meaning in a basic level, receiving an unexpected guest entails an unexpected inconvenient (and figuratively, having a transaction thwarted because of shortsightedness in predicting inconvenients). So, as the narrator has told us, Pompadour expected to spend that afternoon in her revelries/coercing Patrick into sex, but instead she got spurned, therefore she’s unexpectedly mad, etc etc. (Borel's hispanophilia is rooted in an actual knowledge of Spanish sources, beyond classics often cited by french romantics like the eternaly innovative Don Quijote de la Mancha. Borel cites opera songs, like El contrabandista, popular songs like La estudiantina, -which I couldn't find anywhere beyond Passereau- curse words, common sayings... and his references have diverse textual functions beyond the most usual one in other romantic's works such as characterization and local colour. In Passereau Borel is saying something about how the student looks instills mistrust in policemen and polite society, (and we know via Gautier that Borel was usually and nosensically exoticized by fellow french romantics as ""looking hispanic"") but he will also include spanish beacuse he loves it and he relishes in the language.

#trying to catch up for tomorrow. veremos si llego #madame putiphar #long post #text post #(i had no idea “huéspeda” existed in Spain- here we use huésped for both genders- xD)

[newtwithinternet]

I'm no man. I considered it many times, i examined thoroughly my feelings on the matter, so I'm quite sure about it. Neither want i to become one.

But when my mother tells how she likes men more than women - how men are by nature responsible and smart and generous and women are so petty and stupid and useless and just lesser (but no, it doesn't mean you are - at least, until you find the right man and realize it yourself). Or when my father, though always glad to share what he knows with me, is more eager to do so with my brother - and he goes into deeper detail with him, and my brother thrives on this knowledge the way i never do (and i can't help but think that maybe I'm just incapable of it by nature) -

At these moments i wish i was a son.

And my teachers and coworkers are all very nice to me, but i can't help, but wonder, if they see me as just a silly girl who came into the field to find a man - or who is lost in life and doesn't realize yet that she only needs and actually wants to find a man (and have kids and hire for a job that doesn't require brains or time or effort). As someone who isn't going to take the job seriously or actually do something of value.

At these moments i can't help but wish i was a guy.

Men around occasionly saying how women are wicked and inferior. And, according to Science (and to my mother), men are kinder, smarter and better, and some women i know do behave the ways described - so is it true? (Am i wicked and inferior? Are my friends?) I wish i was a man, so they won't look at me and others like me this way (and i won't wonder, if i have to).

Silent pity and despise towards my single, childless aunt. Implied "sooner of later you'll find a man you'll want to marry and you'll give up on every hope and dream that isn't about him and your kids - or you're not a normal woman, you're an abomination" here and there. The original sin. Constant fear that i may be incapable of showing virtues and doing things that make a worthy human being in my own eyes just by an accident of birth. Women are dirty, women are wicked, women are dumb, women are weak. I wish i wasn't a woman so i wouldn't wonder, if this is true - if i really have some inborn flaw that separates me from being a human. I don't want to try to change, because I'm fully formed and if i have this flaw, than it's likely too late for any amount of hrt to fix me - and if not, I'm actually pretty fine with who i am.

Actually, maybe i do not wish i was a man. Maybe i just wish people to see me the same way they see men. Maybe i wish i could do so.

#something something internalized misogyny #(terfs dirtied a quite good term imo) #the experience of def not being trans but still sometimes regretting i am who i am because of toxic beliefs that crawled inside me #newt's whining

[vesperadreamer]

FUCK IT, IM GONNA GUSH ABOUT MY TAV DROW.

She is 100% chill with killing, torture, slavery, and using people as experiments. However, she is also open minded, prefers consent including when it comes to slavery, even personally asking the person if they want to be owned by her, and considering the possible alternatives, she’d seem like the preferred option. She believes in being kind, showing compassion and mercy. There is always a chance for others to influence her, mainly those close to her, help her learn different things. She’s not fully evil, yet fully good either. She is as she is.

Those open and honest with her, those who choose not to keep secrets from her, let say Gale and Wyll, even Karlach, she’d learn from them and listen to their advice. With Minthara upon first encounter, she’d have the idea to beat her unconscious, maybe cripple a hand, mostly as a way of giving her a chance to do better, but also as a warning for next time they meet.

Astarion would have one chance to put away the knife before she gave him a warning stabbing in the night, telling him to never try that shit again, come the bite scene, he’d learn just how serious she was being as he suffers under her knife, a pretty scar for a pretty face. However, there’s a high likely hood he’d not bite her, and instead ask considering what would happen to Laezel.

Lae’zel would get the same treatment as Astarion, possibly worse. Because guess what, she’d see Laezel as inferior and an issue. She’d chide Laezel once, warning her to know her place once and only once, and to NEVER make demands of her. Laezel probably would be strung and hung up like a still living trophy, her arms likely flayed. Laezel being closer to a problem maker and incapable of being friendly let alone social, would be her biggest downfall.

Shadowheart is probably the only one that would see what’s going on and learn fast from watching how others interacted with my Drow and decide on 2 options, solo or play nice. She’d probably be slightly open but also cautious, my Drow wouldn’t pry let alone push her to open up if she doesn’t want to, as privacy can easily be respected.

She’d respect Halsin and his capabilities, and especially his desire to fix his mistakes, she’d see it as noble and willingly work to help him.

For Jaehira and Minsc, she’d find them amusing and interesting, asking different questions about their histories and stories, their enemies and goals.

#baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate #baldur's gate 3 #drow #dungeons and dragons #bg3 tav #bg3 wyll #gale of waterdeep #karlach

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty-One

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: as someone who is physically incapable of reading fics and other long tumblr posts line by line and word for word, i think it’s so fucking cool that a bunch of you regularly, excitedly read what i post. i would not blame you at all for skim reading. thank you.

***

The majority of Cassian’s life was spent battling with the fact of his own existence. First he was fatherless, then motherless, then homeless. Being taken in by Rhys’s parents, who bought him nice clothes and nicer gifts, was like putting a bandaid over a stab wound. It couldn’t change the questions that made up Cassian at his core: was he equal to everyone else in this world, or had he been born inherently inferior? Did he deserve the same happinesses that his friends so carelessly reaped, or should he step back and know his place?

The older he grew, the more he grappled with those questions—until the night he learned who his father was, and the truth behind his existence. That he was likely a product of rape. Nearly driving himself drunk off a mountainside in Monte Carlo was enough to make him realize with a startling clarity: he couldn’t keep asking himself the same questions for the rest of his life. At some point, he was going to have to buck the fuck up and make his peace with the world, whether he believed he deserved to be in it or not. And though it might have taken him a while to reach that conclusion, Cassian can proudly say he did it. Not long into his post-college years, Cassian finally grew up.

By twenty-seven, he was secure enough in himself and his place in the world to not have to deal with those doubtful voices every waking minute. His life was figured out, and his ego was unshakeable. Until Nesta Archeron entered the story.

Now at twenty-eight, Cassian is again unsecured—this time in a less tragic but more confusing way. Because everything he thinks he knows about himself, about life, she insists on proving wrong.

Including the issue of celebrating his birthday.

“I feel like I should have asked this earlier,” Cassian mutters to Nesta as they stand in the cozy resort lobby, “but why is Az here?”

Nesta looks both humiliated and resigned when she mutters back, “He wouldn’t pay for the resort unless I let him come with us.”

“At that point you should’ve just let me pay, babe.” He watches Azriel’s back as he chats up the lady at the front desk while getting their room keys.

“On your own birthday? It would have ruined the point,” Nesta says.

Cassian doesn’t retort that having his brother present at their couple’s retreat also ruins the point. He’s sure she already knows.

Nesta’s reaction when Cassian told her that he didn’t celebrate his birthday was unforgettable.

“No one in our inner circle really cares about birthdays,” he had shrugged. “Feyre’s birthday is the exception because she’s sort of the outsider, and Rhys will find any excuse to worship at her feet. But the rest of us? I don’t know, it was never a big deal.”

As someone who’s never skipped a birthday once in her life, even when she was isolated and ignoring her family’s phone calls, Nesta took this as a personal offense. “I need to get you out of this cabin,” she stated.

Which brings them here, to Colorado’s finest ski resort situated high in the Rocky Mountains. The lobby is littered with overstuffed armchairs and a crackling fireplace, and huge windows look out over the blinding white mountains.

Az starts heading their way, key cards in hand, when Cassian suddenly turns to Nesta. “We need to find him a woman,” he whispers.

“What?”

“We can’t let him third wheel with us for the whole weekend. We’ll never get time alone.” Cassian is set on this new plan, already scanning the lobby for women around Azriel’s age.

“I agree, but—”

Azriel reaches the two of them, tossing a room card to Nesta. “You can stop talking about me now. I’ll be spending most of my time hitting the slopes.”

Cassian and Nesta mumble a halfhearted, “We weren’t talking about you.”

He narrows his eyes at them. “Uh-huh. Just remember whose credit card this is going on.” Picking up his ski gear and duffel bag, he turns for the elevator.

Nesta frowns up at Cassian once Az is gone, more adorably than she probably intends. “Do you think he’s upset?”

He scoffs. “We should be upset at him.” He doesn’t want to have to worry about his brother while he’s on vacation, and Az definitely wouldn’t want him to worry either, but it isn’t something that can be helped.

Despite his irritation, he might go skiing with Az later this afternoon. Just to keep him company.

***

Nesta will give it to Azriel—he’s a man of fine taste, and also generous with his spending. She originally wanted a normal room for her and Cassian, preferably the cheapest one, but Az went behind her back and upgraded them to a fully decked out penthouse suite.

“This is too much for just a weekend,” she tells him over the phone while Cassian is in the bathroom. “How am I supposed to pay you back for this?”

“Why would you pay me back?” he says dismissively. “I’m rich.”

When Nesta tries arguing with him, he only replies, “I don’t take money from poor people,” and hangs up on her.

Which leaves Nesta to enjoy the four-spray shower and heated bathroom tiles free of charge. By the time she comes out of the shower, Cassian has already left with Azriel to hit some slopes before dinner, though not before leaving her a note promising to teach her how to ski tomorrow.

Nesta doesn’t even get to unwrap her towel from her body before realizing her phone is ringing incessantly, all the way from the other side of the suite. Jogging over to the living area, Nesta answers Emerie’s call. “What’s up?”

“Where are you?” Emerie greets without introduction.

“At the ski lodge?” Nesta answers, confused. “I already told you, for Cassian’s birthday.”

“I know that,” Emerie hisses. “I mean what room are you in? This place is huge.”

“Wait—you’re here?” Nesta looks quickly around herself, as if Emerie will pop up from behind the couch.

“Not just me. So is Gwyn.” Nesta hears rustling on the other side of the line, and then Emerie saying from a distance, “Answer for your crimes, Gwyneth. Say hi.”

A new, clearer voice comes over the phone. “Hiii, Nesta.” Gwyn sounds weak, like she is not having fun at all.

“What the hell do you two think you’re doing?” Nesta demands.

“Well, it’s a long story and I need to see you first. Also, I have to pee. Where is your room?”

Five minutes later, Gwyn and Emerie are sitting obediently before the roaring fireplace in Nesta and Cassian’s suite.

Now fully dressed, Nesta stabs a finger at Emerie. “Explain.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Emerie says indignantly. “Gwyn barged into my place at eight in the morning and dragged me all the way here—”

“It was an emergency!” Gwyn tosses her hands in the air. “It still is an emergency. That’s why we’re here.”

“I’m here because Gwyn is scared of traveling alone,” Emerie interjects. “And driving on highways.”

“Guys!” Nesta snaps.

Gwyn makes a whining sound of defeat and drops her head into her hands. After a long moment, she speaks. “He asked if we could go to dinner together. Like, right to my face. And I panicked and said yes, because I couldn’t think of a reason to say no, but obviously I can’t do that. So this morning I cashed in my sick days and told him I was going on vacation for a whole week.” Gwyn looks up at Nesta with pleading teal eyes. “Please can we stay here the whole week?”

Nesta stares at Gwyn, feeling like her brain was just sucked dry. “First of all, who’s ‘he’?”

“Max!” She stands in her outburst. “The love of my life. The man who works on the fourth floor of the library. Do you pay attention to the groupchat at all?”

Oh yeah, that guy. “You came all the way here,” Nesta drawls out slowly, “so you wouldn’t have to have dinner with your crush?”

“It wasn’t just any dinner.” Gwyn flops back onto the couch. “It was a date. I can’t go on a date with him. First dates lead to second dates, and second dates lead to—sex.” She whispers the last word.

“Really?” Emerie frowns, not missing a beat at the mention of Gwyn’s deepest fear. “What kind of dates have you been having?”

“I haven’t been having any dates,” Gwyn says. “Why, how long do you usually see someone before doing it?”

“First date, at most,” Emerie shrugs.

“No,” Nesta steps in, sending Emerie a bewildered look. “Gwyn, you’ve known this guy for a while now. If he’s half as decent as you think he is, he won’t expect sex by the second date. And even if he does—”

“What does it matter?” Gwyn wails. “It’ll come up eventually. And when it does, he’ll think I’m a freak.”

“He won’t get a chance to think anything before I kill him,” Emerie says, eyes darkening.

Nesta says nothing, knowing this is something she can’t advise Gwyn about. Whether or not Gwyn chooses to share her past and unresolved trauma with another man, and whether or not that man reacts in an unshitty way isn’t something Nesta can determine. So she just states for the record, “You’re not a freak.”

“But it’s what he’ll think.”

“Then you shouldn’t be with him in the first place,” Nesta says firmly. Even though she knows better than anyone that it isn’t always that simple.

Proving her point, Gwyn scoffs and looks away. “You don’t get it.”

“What I really don’t get,” Nesta says, “is why you took your lie so literally. Why did you come all the way out here instead of hiding out at home for the week?”

“Merrill sees and knows everything. I can’t lie to her.” Gwyn cringes. “If I stayed at home, she would sniff me out as soon as she got me on the phone, and then I’d really be screwed.”

Nesta cocks her head at Gwyn, squinting her eyes in something akin to fascination.

“I had the same reaction,” Emerie pipes up. She shakes her head at Gwyn. “I’ve never met a more melodramatic idiot, truly.”

Gwyn curls into herself on the couch, looking ashamed.

Nesta sighs sharply, then whips out a hand. “Give me your wallets. I’ll go downstairs right now and see if I can book a room last minute.”

Emerie sits up at that. “Uh… I’m not sure I can afford a place like this.”

“Neither can I,” Nesta says. “That’s why Azriel paid for all of us.”

Gwyn’s eyes go comically round. “Azriel’s here?”

“Unfortunately.” She snaps her fingers at both girls. “Credit or debit, now.”

“So… I’m assuming we can’t just share this huge suite with you guys, huh?” Gwyn says hesitantly.

There might be actual flames in Nesta’s eyes. This is Cassian’s birthday, goddammit. Cassian, who hasn’t celebrated a birthday since he was eleven. “Please don’t push me.”

Gwyn and Emerie, very reluctantly, hand their cards over to Nesta. Emerie hands over two, just in case.

In the end, Nesta doesn’t use any of their money, but charges the new room to her own account. She’ll work it off by putting extra hours into Night Court, she tells herself.

When she returns to the penthouse suite, she spies tracks outlined in melted snow at the doorway. Shit. She barges inside to find Cassian and Azriel standing in the middle of the living area, with Emerie looking awkward on the couch.

“Uh, we just got back—” Cassian starts.

“I can explain,” Nesta interrupts.

A faucet turns off in the distance, and Gwyn peeks her head out of the bathroom door.

“Oh, shit,” Azriel says in delight. “Freckles is here too?”

Gwyn looks like she’s about to turn right back around to the bathroom. Nesta and Cassian both throw Az a baffled look, but Nesta says, “I can fix this. I’ve already fixed it.” She goes over to Emerie and hands her a key card. “You and Gwyn are going to stay on the first floor, and you won’t bother me or Cassian for the duration of our stay. It’ll be like you’re not even here.” She whips toward Gwyn, who still hovers near the bathroom doorway. “And at the end of this weekend, you’re going back to work like the adult you are and taking care of your shit.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Gwyn says quietly, lowering her head.

Cassian comes over to Nesta, whispering, “So, you didn’t invite them to keep Az company or anything, right?”

“I can hear you,” Azriel says.

“Of course not,” Nesta whispers back. “That’s a terrible idea.”

“Really? Because I thought it was kind of convenient—”

“I can still hear you,” Az repeats.

“So can I,” Emerie nods.

“Shut up,” Nesta hisses at the both of them. Grabbing Cassian’s still-gloved hand, she drags him upstairs and away to their bedroom. When the door shuts behind them, she turns to him and blurts, “I’m so sorry.”

Cassian only laughs, taking his ski jacket off and brushing away the wet snow from the back. “I’m not.” He tosses his jacket and gloves over a chair and approaches Nesta, tugging her closer by her oversized turtleneck. “And what did I tell you about wasting your apologies?”

Nesta doesn’t care. “I ruined your birthday.”

“My birthday’s not until tomorrow,” he says with a straight face. “But honestly, I like this a lot more than just you, me, and Az. At least he can’t third wheel anymore, right?”

She shakes her head insistently, frustration boiling in her blood. “Everything’s going wrong.”

“But you solved our problems.” He finds Nesta’s clenched fists and unfurls them with gentle hands. “You got the girls their own room, and now Az can be distracted with those two. We can still be alone. We win.”

Nesta purses her lips, unconvinced, when Cassian adds, “But seriously, though—what the fuck are they doing here?”

She exhales deeply, letting her head drop forward onto Cassian’s chest. “I don’t know,” she mutters. “Gwyn panicked about some personal stuff and thought it was a good idea to come to me. I don’t want to make her leave, though.” Gwyn is being stupid right now, without a doubt, but Nesta won’t abandon her. Neither will Emerie.

God, having friends sucks.

Cassian threads a hand through her loose hair and hums. “Gwyn was smart for coming to you.”

***

Dinner is held outside in the snow and cold, but everyone bundles up and sits down at a table that surrounds one of the multiple fire pits in the courtyard. Cassian convinced Nesta to let Gwyn and Emerie hang out with them for the weekend, because what else are those poor girls supposed to do, and now the women babble over each other as they decide what to drink.

Cassian sits back and takes it in, the sight feeling heartwarmingly familiar and strangely brand new at the same time. Nesta ends up being the one to order everybody’s drinks, and once the waiter scampers back inside, Gwyn releases a terse breath. “Sometimes I still get scared of that tone.”

“I’m always scared of it,” Az mutters, eyeing Nesta from the corner of his eye.

“What tone?” Cassian laughs. He knows Nesta is still a little wound up from her plans going off the rails, but she hasn’t done anything scary.

“I’m used to it,” Emerie says through a mouthful of fries, “but I think that waiter almost cried.”

“That’s how I sound all the time.” Nesta shrugs, sitting back.

“What tone?” Cassian repeats.

Nesta clicks her tongue impatiently. “You know how I talk. I’m straightforward.”

“And harsh,” Azriel adds. “Even aggressive.”

“Watch it.” Gwyn turns stern eyes onto him over the fire pit.

“I have no idea what you all are talking about,” Cassian says. He turns to Nesta. “You sound perfectly normal to me.”

She narrows her perfect brows at him, and Emerie laughs, “I don’t know if that’s romantic or ignorant.”

But now that they’re discussing it, Cassian does distinctly remember Nesta having a sharp edge to her words while they were getting to know each other. Did it disappear over time, or has he really stopped noticing it?

He doesn’t get to think about it before their drinks arrive, followed soon by a dinner of fancy sandwiches.

Cassian cuts his beef sandwich in half and gives the other half to Nesta, and she does the same with her turkey sandwich. They eat and drink around the crackling fire, laughing and talking about tomorrow’s plans (“It’s not your birthday, Azriel,” Nesta says. “Stop asking about gifts.”). Cassian and Emerie talk idly about video games over wine, and even though it isn’t really his thing, he can see her excitement over it and gladly indulges it.

Once everyone is finished eating and is slightly drunk, Gwyn pulls a small sleeve of crackers out of her puffy jacket, followed by a fun-sized Hershey’s bar and a handful of mini marshmallows.

“What are you doing?” Nesta says.

“Making dessert.” Gwyn builds a mini s’more and places it carefully on her fork so she can toast it over the fire pit. When it’s done, she leans forward even more to try to put it on Nesta’s plate. “For you. Thank you for letting me and Emerie stay.”

Nesta jumps, catching the s’more with her plate and batting Gwyn away from the fire pit at the same time. “You’ll set your hair on fire,” she hisses.

Gwyn’s hair remains safe, but now Cassian catches his brother watching Gwyn amusedly from the corner of his eye. “Can I have one?” Az says.

“I’m all out.” Gwyn says while building another s’more, refusing to meet his eyes.

Cassian and Nesta share a look, a hundred words thrown back and forth between them in that glance. She scoots her chair closer to him to slip her cold hands into his warm ones, but while the conversation carries on around the table, she leans in and whispers, “I’m not a busybody but…”

“I am,” he whispers back. “Az is being weird, weirder than usual.”

Nesta nods. “I’ve never seen him so—outgoing.”

Neither has Cassian, but before he can mention anything else, he looks up to find that Gwyn and Azriel’s seats at the table are empty. “How much did those two drink?” he breathes.

Nesta follows his gaze, seeing what he’s seeing: Azriel and Gwyn wandering clumsily around the snowy courtyard. Or rather, Az is trying to chase Gwyn down for a s’more, while she clutches her mini marshmallows to her chest and vehemently yells, “They’re mine!”

Meanwhile, Emerie is half asleep at the table.

Cassian watches as Gwyn nears the towering fir tree at the center of the courtyard and slips. Az shoots out a hand to catch her, but not before her ass hits the stone, hard. He pulls her back up, no longer fooling around, and Gwyn rubs her butt in pain.

Cassian suddenly feels Nesta squeezing the life out of his hands, and he looks over to find fury written across her face. For a heartbeat, he feels worried for Az.

“Go deal with him,” Nesta says lowly. “Before I do.”

Not needing any more words to understand, he stands out of his seat and heads out into the courtyard. He doesn’t know why Nesta thinks Gwyn needs protecting, but it makes him feel protective himself. Approaching the duo, he sees that Azriel finally acquired the leftover s’more ingredients from Gwyn.

“There’s only like half a cracker left,” Az mutters to himself, shaking the baggie.

“Is he bothering you?” Cassian asks Gwyn, who still looks grumpy over losing their skirmish.

Whipping her head to Cassian like he’s her savior, Gwyn nods furiously. “Please make him stop.”

Cassian turns to Azriel with rage in his eyes, a clear What the fuck do you think you’re doing?

But Az shakes his head in denial. “It’s not like that. Look, she’s smirking at me!” He points over Cassian’s shoulder.

When Cassian looks, Gwyn is already walking back to the fire pit, holding her bruised ass.

Az starts, “What a fake little—”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Cassian interrupts. “Yesterday you’re crying over Elain and today you’re flirting with Nesta’s friend?”

Azriel goes serious, his face turning colder than the night air. “How do you know about Elain?” he says gruffly.

“Everyone knows, Azriel.” Cassian stares down his brother, wondering if he’ll finally get him to get his head screwed on straight after these past weeks of secretive bullshit.

Azriel sets his jaw, but a muscle there ticks.

“Will you finally at least tell me what’s going on in your head?” Cassian pleads. “Because I can’t keep guessing.”

Azriel glances toward the dinner table, as if checking to see that no one is paying attention to them. Looking back, he inhales a breath. “You want to know why I left Velaris?”

Like Nesta, Azriel is not one to quickly make himself vulnerable. So there’s no blatant emotion in his voice when he says, “I started seeing her at the end of summer, not long after she broke up with her ex. And it was so…nice after every other relationship I’ve been in has gone wrong. We kept it quiet, and because of that, it was peaceful.” Azriel’s eyes meet Cassian’s twin ones, and he smirks without humor. “But you already know what that’s like, don’t you?”

He does. Cassian crosses his arms, waiting for Az to continue.

“Anyway, we had a good run. For a long time, it was mostly just sex, but I liked her. I liked her a lot.” Az kicks at the snow-dusted cobblestones. “Then Christmas came around, and Rhys found out.” His face darkens as he remembers, and Cassian stiffens, knowing what’s next isn’t good. Sometimes Rhys forgets the boundary between boss and brother.

“He didn’t say anything about it to Elain, of course,” Azriel says. “But he dragged my ass aside and gave me this huge lecture about us using each other as rebounds. Said ‘Feyre’s sister’ deserves better or some shit. I told him there was more to it than that, but he wouldn’t listen. Instead he brought Vanserra & Co. into it, like his business matters had anything to do with me and Elain.” Azriel’s eyes crinkle at the corners in a puzzled way. “So I got to thinking, ‘why would he bring the Vanserras up?’ He made it seem like such a big deal.” The toe of his boot digs a hole into the ground.

Sympathy churns alongside anger in Cassian’s chest for Azriel’s situation, anger at Rhysand for crossing that line between brothers. He’s only momentarily grateful that Rhys never tried doing something similar to him and Nesta.

“I thought she was over that other guy, Lucien,” Az continues. “But maybe she’s not, if Rhys is so concerned about what Lucien’s stepfather thinks. Anyway, that’s why I ran. Because I knew she liked me, but I also knew she didn’t love me. I didn’t want us to cause all that trouble with Rhys just to end up backed into a corner one day, having nowhere else to go because she loves someone else and I’m just a rebound. It would be awkward for everyone involved.” He scratches the back of his neck. “It’s mostly my fault, for always chasing after women I can’t have.” He finally looks up at Cassian. “When you talk to Elain, does it sound like she hates me?” The question is quiet, straightforward.

“No,” Cassian answers, voice rough. Even if Azriel wants to hide his feelings, Cassian won’t. “She doesn’t seem like she hates you. I don’t even think she’s mad at you.” Concerned, anxious, upset—that’s Elain as far as he knows.

“She should hate me,” Azriel says. “She should get pissed, burn my old clothes, and swear to never talk to me again. That’s the only way she can move on.” Maybe even move back to Lucien, is what goes unsaid.

Cassian isn’t so sure about that. Even as he feels for Az, he thinks both of his brothers should get slapped upside the head for how they’ve been acting lately. He won’t be the one to do it, but he might get Nesta to relay a message to Elain. It’ll be the same thing. “I’m sorry,” he tells Az instead. “I know I’ve been hard on you lately. When we get home, I’ll start doing better.” He claps Az on the shoulder and squeezes.

Azriel surprises him by scoffing, looking away in disbelief. “Wow, being compassionate is really a full time job for you, huh?” He claps Cassian’s shoulder back, pulling him into a sudden hug. “You’ve already done more than enough,” he says into Cassian’s ear. “Go to your girlfriend and take a rest.”

Taken aback, Cassian nods and pulls away. He’s about to turn around and leave when Az says, “By the way, I wasn’t flirting with Gwyn.”

Cassian raises a brow. “You were definitely doing something.”

Az rolls his eyes. “I’m not giving her anything she can’t handle. But in case you haven’t noticed, I have no interest in other women right now.” He makes a face. “Especially not her.”

Cassian chuckles. “I believe you. It’s Nesta you need to worry about.”

“Whatever. I’m not scared of her.”

That makes Cassian laugh even harder, but he turns around, ready to go back to said girlfriend. As he nears the fire pit, though, he finds that Gwyn is already there and cuddled up to Nesta. On Nesta’s other side, Emerie now sits in Cassian’s chair, asleep on her friend’s shoulder. He stops in his tracks.

Cassian wasn’t lying when he told Nesta that he was happy about their changed vacation plans—he believes the more the merrier, and he loves these people. Yet he can’t help but wish the two of them could be alone for just one day. Only one.

God, sometimes having friends sucks.

***

a/n: this is a two parter so next chapter we’ll finally be getting more nessian alone time

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @frosted-crackers @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland

#ncssianwrites #a favor #nesta archeron #nessian #cassian #nessian fanfic #nessian au

[kiirokero]

Outro: Love is Not Over (5)

Pairing: Daycare Teacher! Hoseok x Single Mom! Reader.

Genre: Single Parent! AU, Teacher! AU, Hybrid! AU, Fluff, Angst, Adorable Kids,

Warnings: Oh boy, self doubt, A LOT of it. angsty, momma y/n isn’t doing too good, mentions of anxiety, allusions to worthlessness, just a lot of bad intrusive thoughts that are very degrading (and not in the smexy way)

Word Count: 1.1k

Note: I have a website that calculates my word count for stories, but it also tells me the most used word. 1.4% of this chapter is the word “Yunho” lol

Summary: Years after a relationship goes south. You are the single mother of a beautiful 6-year-old golden retriever hybrid who you named Yunho. He is the light of your life. Yunho is everything to you, and you’d do anything for him. But you’re a human. Yunho doesn’t care, he will tell you he doesn’t. “You’re still my Eomma. No matter what.” He says. But you can’t help but feel like you will never be enough for him. You can’t be the mother he deserves. You can’t show him the ropes of being a hybrid, and you can’t teach him things the other moms can. But you try. You try your damn hardest. So, when a handsome German Shepard hybrid comes into your life, helping you and guiding Yunho in a way you can’t, you can’t help the cozy home he sets up in your heart.

Chapter Guide:

Previous / Next (Coming Soon)

Tag List: @kurochan3 @mrcleanheichou @anonymous-armys-blog @alanasfashion @purelyecstacy​ Blogs highlighted in bold could not be tagged. Please message me privately so we can resolve the problem and I can tag you next time ^^

      Being an adult was exhausting. Especially the part where you pretend that you're listening when the bank teller states you should’ve cashed in your paycheck 2 days ago to get a lesser fee. Thanks Pat, I’ll think of that next time I’m working my ass off and talking care of a six-year-old, lovely advice, you are so helpful. 

     But it was enough to distract me from the underlying inferiority I felt every time I saw a dog hybrid in passing, even if it was just for a bit. I understood that the trend today was short fur and undercuts, but what if their fur was short for a bigger reason? Was it just their style or was it practical? Is long fur bad for your health? 

      These questions never left my head as I got some time to myself. I was on my way to pick up Yunho from his little daycare adventure. Hyejin texted me occasionally throughout the day, giving me updates about how Yunho was doing. Every picture she sent had a smiling golden retriever boy who looked more than okay, perfectly happy and healthy. 

      However, it pained me that seeing him sport his long fur stirred up insecurity in me. It was like a taunt. Words playing in the back of my head, telling me I was an incapable mother, that Yunho deserved better, that when he grows up and sees these pictures, he’ll resent you. 

      Like the laughter of a jester, I was calling myself stupid, unworthy. Every single thing I’ve done imperfectly played in my head like a twisted movie from hell. Look, look, look. Look how incapable you are. Look how badly you're raising your son. Look at your failures. 

      Even if I turned on the radio, I could still hear my subconscious toying with me. Like a fly in a tarantula’s nest. Why has one person's observation affected me so much? A couple words and my resolve suddenly came crashing down? Maybe it was the one spark that needed to set off the explosion. All the TNT, lined up from previous nights consumed by irrational thoughts, now finally igniting. “You’re failing”

Rationally, I knew that wasn’t the case. 

But it’s never that easy, is it? 

“Eomma!”

“Hi, bub!” I giggled. 

      Yunho ran into my arms, tackling me onto the hard, concrete sidewalk. But I didn’t mind. Yunho squeezes me tight, scenting me with upmost enthusiasm, his tail whipping around rapidly. “I missed you,” Yunho sighed, fisting his hands into my shirt. “I missed you too baby,” I whispered, holding him just a tad bit closer, and I meant it. 

No matter how bad I felt, I’d always be okay with him around. 

      “Did you have fun?” I asked. He nodded frantically, face painted with excitement. “Yes! I got to play with legos!” He raised his arms up, expressing just how much he loved playing with the legos. “You did? That’s awesome!” I gasped, kissing my son on the forehead. 

      I stood back up on my feet, taking Yunho in my arms to carry him back to the daycare. I still had to thank Hyejin, and no doubt was she still in the office, giving me a moment with Yunho. but to my surprise, it wasn’t Hyejin that let Yunho bolt out the door and tackle me to the ground. It was Hoseok. 

      He gave me a shy wave and smile as Yunho and I entered the front office. I gave him a genuine one back. I may be fighting with myself in my head, but it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know, so why be cold? “Hello Hoseok,” I said, and Yunho also gives him an excited wave.

     “Hello Y/n, how was your day?” He asked, but his words were still tight, still cautious. “It was okay... Thank you for watching over Yunho for me, you and Hyejin both.” Hoseok seemed to light up a bit at my words as his smile grew wider. “It’s nothing really, Yunho is an amazing kid,” I felt my heart swell at those words, Yunho was definitely an amazing kid. I must’ve done something right. Right?

      “Yeah, he is,” I teased the boy who blushed and hid his face in the crook of my neck. I cooed at his cuteness before Hoseok spoke up again. “I-I’m sorry for earlier, I really didn’t mean to upset you.” He curved into himself a bit. 

      His apology was sincere, I knew that. From what Hyejin had told me and from what I observed, Hoseok was a good guy. He didn’t know the impact his words had, besides; it was my problem anyway. Why burden someone else?

    “I’d like to take you for a coffee sometime, as an apology” Hoseok added on after I didn’t say anything for a minute or two. I chuckled, “That sounds nice, but you don’t have to. It’s okay, really,” but Hoseok shook his head, insisting that this was the way to apologize for something that obviously struck a deep nerve. 

“Alright, I give in. Do you have a date in mind?” I asked.

“Ah... I didn’t get that far... Here, I’ll give you my number so I can text you!” Hoseok exclaimed, having an eureka moment. 

“Smooth, Hoseok, very smooth.” I giggled. 

      “Wha? Oh no! I didn’t- I mean...” Hoseok stuttered on, a flush of pink on his face. “I’m joking,” I smiled. Hoseok sighed in relief, chuckling to himself. “Here you go,” Hoseok handed me his phone, and I entered my number in his contacts with one hand, expertly. People don’t mention that one of the mom powers is being able to do things one handed. 

      “I’ll text you as soon as I can,” Hoseok promised. “I’ll be waiting,” I said, forgetting all about my worries and fears for a moment. The air felt calm, my brain relaxed, it was easier to breathe. I was thankful for that, even if the moment was short. 

      Yunho looked out the car window at the trees that lined the road. He was swinging his feet back and forth. The ears on the top of his head twitched a bit every time a new song started on the radio. The sun hit his face like a Picasso painting that screamed innocence. A portrait that slipped off the canvas, given to me, even if I wasn’t deserving of such beauty. 

      “Hey bub?” I called, glancing in the rear-view mirror to look at my son. “Yea?” He answered back, looking towards me even if he couldn’t look at my face. “Are your ears and tail okay?”

“Yep!”

“Your fur doesn’t bother you?”

“Nope!”

“Are you sure? We can cut it if it’s bothering you,”

“I don’t wanna cut it!” 

      Yunho doesn’t lie. He can’t. He always gives himself away by either avoiding my gaze or mumbling to himself. But he was confident in those words. That helped. “Okay bub, I love you.”

“I love you too Eomma,”

#bts #bts fic #hoseok #jung hoseok #jhope #hobi #bts hoseok #jhope x reader #hoseok x reader #bts hybrid au #hybrid #hoseok fic #jhope fic

[24hlevi]

Hi Jay, I would love to request a matchup from jujutsu kaisen (plus your matchups are really cool<3)

My pronouns are she/ her and gender preference-male

Personality: I'm in high school. I'm pretty tall like about 170 cm. I would describe myself as a pretty chill and chaotic person with a great sense of humour. I'm like the most introverted extrovert lol. I consider myself one of those people who are crazy 24/7 but are really wise actually. I hate to see sad people,when I do so I tend to crack some jokes to cheer them up and comfort them. (I can be like Dazai high on mushrooms, or I can just be a good listener, depends on the person) Also I can read people's emotions like I know if someone is sad and is trying to hide it?On the other hand I can't talk about my problems easily nor do I show it (Like you'll have to ask me several times, if you want me to tell what's wrong 💀) Maybe it's because of the fact that I'm afraid that people might look down on me or think I'm incapable or something like that. So the stress just piles up and then there's an outburst (9/10 times I cry) People tell me I'm bold too. I'm not afraid to stand up for someone who's in need. I'm enthusiastic about the things that I love and I'm very much happy to talk about them with literal sparks in my eyes lol

Likes- I like meaningful things. I love literature very very much. I love stars, constellations, anime, manga also. Also I love to look at stars and planets through my telescope. I'm a big fan of Marvel too. I enjoy spontaneous as well as lazy activities equally. I love to explore new places and try new things. Also HANDWRITTEN LETTERS are just 💖💖💖

Dislikes- Bullies, people who try to boss me around, people who look down on me, too tight clothes, also the clothes that show too much skin, also I don't like raw tomatoes

Hobbies: I love astronomy and stargazing and I even have my own telescope :D I enjoy taking part in competitions like debate (yes I don't get stage fright) or anything involving me speaking on-stage. I enjoy detective games too and I'm pretty good at solving them. I love to read too

Ideal partner: Honestly I don't have a specific type but as long as my partner is loving and supportive I'm happy. While I have a really happy go lucky personality, and often I can be the perceived as a headstrong girl , I often feel like I'm not enough, so some reassurance would be nice. I would absolutely hate it if my partner looks down on me or sees me as someone inferior

I hope this wasn't too much, take your time :)

Have a nice day/night

it’s not too much! i prefer these to be longer for when they are requested through anon

I Match You With…

Inumaki Toge!

- toge may not be able to talk very much because of his cursed speech, but his actions are enough to show how much he loves you

- he is very observant due to not being able to talk a lot, so he immediately will know when something is wrong with you and will make sure to give you a lot of cuddles while you cry

- toge is definitely one to put sticky notes everywhere and at first they are simple like “have a good day :)” or “make sure to eat today!” but it slowly started to get longer and longer message to the point where he had to stop using sticky notes and wrote on actual lined paper and then taping it to places

- he would so love to look at the stars and constellations with you :(( like he just really loves spending time with you and doing things that you like it makes him so happy to see you happy

- toge would buy manga for you that he knows you like or new ones that you’ve been wanting to start and sits next to you while you read them so he can read it too (he loves horimiya and mha)

- he would also get new puzzle solving games / detective games for you mostly because he just sits in awe at how you can figure some of them out before clapping and congratulating you with a kiss

- toge doesn’t mind what kind of dates you two have, he just does whatever makes you happy because seeing you happy = him being happy and if you’re sad it also = him being sad

- and expect cuddles everywhere, he can’t help it that he just wants to be so close to you all the time because he loves you so much :((

#matchup #⭐️ #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #answered

[al-n-cartoons]

Character Notes for "The Multiverse in a Blender"

Some of these characters are fairly similar in personality and how they speak, so I've been trying to figure out each way their personalities divulge. Please add onto this if you come up with anything (it would be helpful!).

Ben Tennyson: Easy go lucky, cheery, a person-pleaser, has a bit of a vanity streak, is sporty, is dorky, is very overworked, gets bored easily (I'm writing him as having ADHD and OCD), is a fantastic actor/schemer/opertunist. Puts his work above his health. Has an eidetic memory. Is an Aroflux omnisexual. His fashion tastes are a blend of punk and sporty, but the former isn't very socially acceptable in most settings so he tends to keep it to himself.

Rex Salazar: Is sporty, funny, and a bit temperamental. Has a definit rebellious streak and is impulsive, but has a rock-solid understanding of right and wrong. Basically, he'd be the one to punch someone in the face if he felt they deserved it. Is a heterosexual.

Bubbles: Overly excitable, naive, loves life and everything in it. Isn't very book smart, but is a force on the battle field (brute force, like Rex and Buttercup). Is a follower. Loves animals and violence (gets along well with Rex). She's a bit fascinated with the darker aspects of life, but is so cheery that most people view her aggression on the battle field as being ditzy. Is family and friend oriented. Is an aromantic asexual.

Buttercup: Has clearer morals than Bubbles and, although she is a definite punk, is overall less violent than Bubbles. Is competitive (hello, Ben and Rex) and wants to be sporty ("Ben, HOW DO YOU PLAY SOCCER!?). Is a bit rebellious and rude, but does wind up doing as Blossom instructs. Admires Ben's prowess in battle, and is learning from him how to tone down her destructiveness (which is a trait nearly all of her siblings naturally possess per the nature of their powers). Has never thought of her sexuality, and doesn't care to label herself. If she likes a guy, gal, etcetera, she likes 'em.

Blossom: the Sadsap charged with keeping her haywire siblings in check. Loves books, romance novels, and baking. Tries to be nice, but is also a realist (That painting is very colorful, Bubbles, but maybe we should keep the red inside of the people, okay?). Is very interested in healthy eating and loves trying to incorporate healthy stuff into her experimental baked goods (she doesn't use sugar or lipids very much, so her cooking tends to flop per taste and failure to hold in moisture). Is quizzical, sharp, and an opportunist. Isn't afraid to pummel someone if she felt there was need enough ("either you give me the code to disarm the bomb, or I turn your face into pulp.") She is a complete gay-panic.

Bliss: The oldest and second to least emotionally mature sister of the bunch. She tries to lead, but doesn't really know what she's doing. Loves to fight and can access her powers easily, but can't keep them from blowing up on people. Is prone to emotional outbursts and, per the nature of her powers, this is to her detriment. Isn't sociable and hates crowded places. Loves her siblings to bits and loves to bring Bubbles pieces of her foes (rocks, scales, strips of metal that had impaled them) to commemorate her victories. Thinks Danny's the sweetest little thing ("You like space? We can go there, like, right this second. 1-2-3 *zooms away, leaving a confused Danny behind*"). Ace and aro.

Dexter: The adopted brother of Bliss, Buttercupe, Blossom, and Bubbles. Is short-tempered and tends to sulk. Is inventive and technical; a fantastic creator of weaponry and anything of the like. Has a one-sided crush on Ben, but denies so much as liking the guy. Loves coffee but doesn't like to eat much, going so far as creating nutrition pills so as to bypass the affair ("The activity which you are suggesting, Blossom, is a waste of time.") Is a homosexual.

Danny Phantom: Is snarky and has a sardonic personality. Is more serious than some of his cohorts (looking at you, Rex and Bubbles) but loves to wisecrack and is VERY sassy. Is also extremely platonic, loving and trusting his two best friends (Sam and Tucker) with his life. Has a dorky flair for astronomy, and can recognize essentially every constellation in the sky (as well as quite a few of their stories). Has a crush in a character from his hometown, Valerie. Would punch someone in the face as payback, then forgive them for whatever they'd done to upset him or someone else. Is a trans heterosexual (bicurious, perhaps biromantic, but is not bisexual). Has claustrophobia.

Zak Saturday: Exceedingly compassionate and family-oriented, as well as highly skilled in hand-to-hand combat and strategizing. Is very ingenious. Enjoys teasing and joking around, but will also nag someone if he thinks they're being idiotic (this makes it so that he and Rex are a bit at odds with one another). Is also great at finding common ground/compromising. Basically, he'd be the one fixing someone's broken nose and explaining to them where they went wrong, then give them a lollipop. Is dating Ben (they started at age 12) and gets along great with Blossom. Is pansexual.

Connie Maheswaran: Is both people smart and book smart, but lacks quite a bit of street knowledge. Is a considerable combatant, and has a quick wit, but would rather focus on the task at hand than joke around (she calls Danny and Ben out over this). Is kind and understanding, but not a pushover. Has a good head in her shoulders, and is good with details. After their universes fuse, she may take her various skills (hand-to-hand combat, acute intellect, interest in outer space) and apply them to the Plumbers as a long-term career.

Dipper Pines: Family-oriented, not very sociable with people of his age group. Is insecure around the others listed here (baring Mabel, for obvious reasons); sees himself as inferior since he's an intellectual and is incapable on the actual battle field (his words, not mine). Is incredibly smart, a technical thinker, and has a fantastic memory. Is a bi disaster half the time. LOVES to strategize and plot out the how and why for any problem. Loves gaming. Bites off more than he can chew. Keeps Mabel from hurting herself more often than either of them are willing to admit ("Mabel, that's a garbage disposal, not a slide. Mabe-MABEL!!!?") is a panromantic heterosexual. Has a long-distance relationship with Pacifica, but both of them are equally supportive so it's worked out thus far.

Mabel Pines: Family and friend oriented, is a bi disaster. Is an obscene romantic, which tends to leave her with her heart crushed, but she bounces back after a day or two. Is considerably strong, considering the fact that she's entirely human with no combat training, and is learning how to use hand-held weapons. Isn't very intuitive, but is very interpersonally smart. Is an animal lover, owning a pet pig and cat ("Dipper, look, my babies are cuddling!") (I didn't add the cat in, guys; episode one).

Steven Universe: Is the human teddy bear. He is a pacifist, meaning that he refuses to start fights or violence but isn't afraid to save someone from another or themselves. Tries to fix every problem but his own. Is a compulsive overexplainer and apologizer. His best friend is a lion, so people tend not to mess with him. Also, Lion likes to just lie atop Steven's van when they go places. He is compassionate, caring, loving, trusting, and has mommy issues (and also slight daddy issues, but barely). Trauma baby who only wants his girlfriend to succeed and for her to be happy (preferably with him nearby, but he tries to give her a respectful distance). He is a panromantic asexual.

Is that everyone? I think that's everyone.

Edit: I forgot Steven, guys. Had to edit him in.

#ben #ben 10 #Mabel Pines #Dipper Pines #Danny Phantom #Rex Salazar #Zak Saturday #Ben x Zak #PPG #Blossom #Buttercup #Bubbles #Bliss #Steven Universe

[obsessedwithbbandsuju]

True Love [Rewritten]

You been so convinced that Donghae was that special person for you. But then you began to notice that things were changing.

*Rewritten version of this

Pairing: Lee Donghae/Reader

Warnings: Infidelity

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eonni: a term used by a female to refer to another female, older than her, that she is close to

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True love.

It was never something you had really believed in, until you met Donghae. Maybe it was because your idea of true love was just too lofty. You wanted everything you read about in the books. Unshakable devotion. Absolute trust. Untouchable intimacy. Your idea of true love was the kind of love where no real work was needed between the two parties, because they belonged together. The kind of love where both parties were willing to move heaven and earth for the other. The kind of love where there was nothing else in the world that both partners valued over each other. The kind of love where both parties would sacrifice anything necessary for the other person. The kind of love that always burned high and never died down under the test of time like so many people around you told you relationships worked. The kind of love that a person never got over, no matter how many long, trying years passed. No matter how many of your partners left you, no matter how badly your relationships turned out, you seemed incapable of letting go of that ambition. It didn’t matter that you heard countless accounts of how love was nothing but tricks that hormones played, that all romantic love eventually became platonic love or just died, or even the many pessimists who claimed that love wasn’t real. You believed in your idea of true love, you believed it was possible to achieve that, and you wanted to achieve it. To find the one person that was meant for you.

You found that true love with Lee Donghae. God, how could you describe him? He was everything to you. You loved everything about him. There wasn’t a single thing in the world that you wouldn’t give up for his sake. If Hell existed, you knew you’d even willingly go there if he needed you to. You happened to run into him, by pure chance, when you went on a vacation to Korea. He walked into you, quite literally, and when you’d recognized the man apologizing profusely and offering you a hand to help you stand, you, as an avid Super Junior fan, had practically exploded.

But even that was nothing compared to how you felt when he asked you to be his girlfriend. You’d never felt such an intense, consuming high in your life before. It was more than you expected was possible for one human body to accommodate. How could you possibly have said no? You’d do anything for him. You gave up your close proximity with your family and moved to Korea, to his place. Now, normally, you weren’t one to rush relationships so much. You preferred to take it slow, and you had no interest in winding up in some man’s house only to go through the trouble of moving back barely three months later. But with Donghae, you knew it would be different. You’d never loved anyone before as much as you loved Donghae. His kindness, his humor, his liveliness, his charm, his smile, him – you were head over heels, you knew you were head over heels, and you were unapologetic and unashamed of acknowledging and admitting it. He was your entire world, and it was easy for you to tell that if you had to be in a long-distance relationship with him, you wouldn’t be able to take it. You usually wouldn’t be too keen to be dependent on a guy – after all, your Korean might be fluent since your parents had taught it to you since a young age, but you had no job, no way to make money. But Donghae, you trusted him completely.

You even gave him your first time. Even though he wasn’t your first relationship, and you leaned toward the preference of physical intimacy after marriage, he was the first person to make you feel like you could really find a home in him forever. He was the first person whom you trusted enough to give something so important to.

For nearly three years, the relationship felt flawless. The two of you would do everything together. Donghae would take you on walks outside and watch the sunset, holding your hand, smiling at you and telling you how beautiful, how perfect, you were. He’d happily help you with the laundry when he wasn’t busy with schedules, and often it’d end up in a childish fight of throwing clothes at each other until you’d made a mess and both of you were breathless and flushed with laughter. He’d lay in bed, holding you in his arms and telling you every little piece of himself. Often, he’d switch the topic to you then, making you flush with embarrassment as he described all the sweet things he’d thought about you and as he expressed how he couldn’t seem to breathe when you weren’t there with him.

Sure, you two had arguments here and there, but they ended rather quickly when you apologized. You couldn’t bear seeing Donghae angry, and neither did he enjoy it – he almost instantly accepted your apologies. He was loving, caring, and attentive, paid attention to your every detail and took the time to learn every single one of your likes and dislikes, so he could surprise you and please you on the appropriate occasions. When he was away, he always made sure to call every day, to ask how you were and to assure you that he’d be home soon. Even when he was exhausted with schedules there would be times when you walked out into the kitchen to see that he had made you a meal. He wasn’t the greatest cook in the world, but the thought and the love that had gone into the food made everything he made for you absolutely scrumptious.  

Donghae was so impossibly good to you. He made you feel secure, full, loved, and protected, always, and your love for him burned. Sometimes, you thought it might just swallow you whole with its searing intensity. You couldn’t possibly ask for a happier relationship in every way possible, except…

Except the fact that you were jealous of his best friend.

You knew it was irrational – every empirical fact told you that it was, and you considered yourself a logical person. Yet for some unknowable reason, you were just unable to shake that feeling of envy that enveloped you whenever you saw Donghae with Hyukjae. You knew that their fans were fond of their relationship, you even knew they had a ship name, Eunhae, but you never thought you would pay it much attention. You trusted Donghae completely, after all, and even beyond that, you just weren’t a jealous person in general. In fact, you hated clinginess. But here you were, desperately trying to hide the fact that you turned green with envy whenever you saw Hyukjae with Donghae. You couldn’t place your finger on why.

Maybe it was just everything about Hyukjae’s relationship with Donghae made you draw unintentional comparisons with your relationship with him, and with every comparison yours seemed to be inferior. Hyukjae had known Donghae far, far longer than you had, which meant, at least in your mind, that he knew him much better. They had been best friends since practically adolescence, after all. How could you compete with that, with your measly three years of knowing your boyfriend? And it was always Hyukjae who made Donghae laugh, Hyukjae who Donghae had a visible soft spot for, Hyukjae who Donghae was clearly partial to. Meanwhile, it was always Donghae who made you laugh – your sense of humor just couldn’t seem to keep up with his. Not to mention, both Donghae and Hyukjae were absolutely gorgeous. You weren’t so bad yourself, but compared to them, you felt plain and unremarkable.

It was Hyukjae who had this undeniable, flawless chemistry, this sense of balance in every aspect, with Donghae, a kind that you just couldn’t seem to achieve. A kind that, you knew, you’d make a fool of yourself just trying to achieve.

And you didn’t mean to, but sometimes you’d catch yourself being snappish around Hyukjae. He was charming and nice and had never been unkind to you a day in his life, but you found yourself being curt, borderline rude, towards him. It was the only issue that had ever caused a significant rift between you and Donghae. The one thing that he raised his voice to you over.

Of course, you apologized because it was you who was in the wrong, and Donghae accepted your apology like he always did. But still, you never forgot that the one thing that made him truly shout at you was your unpleasantness towards his best friend. Out of all the things, that was what ticked him off the most? Combined with your insecurity regarding Donghae and Hyukjae’s relationship, you felt even more distressed.

Regardless, you kept your mouth shut about the issue. It had to be just you being illogically jealous, and there was no need to drag other people into that personal problem. Besides, if you spoke up about it you were pretty sure no one would take it seriously. Hell, even you couldn’t take it seriously most of the time. Why would you be jealous? There was no need to be – or so you kept telling yourself.

Then, late in the third year of your relationship with Donghae – almost the fourth – you realized your jealousy had been justified.

Donghae started acting differently around you, especially when he was around Hyukjae. Before, he would cling to you like a baby koala, peppering your face and neck with kisses, running his hands over your fingers, resting his chin on your shoulder. He was always absolutely overflowing with physical affection, as he considered it one of the best ways to express his feelings. But now… most of the exchanges that the two of you shared were comprised of short, quick greetings and farewells, and maybe the occasional kiss on the cheek from Donghae. When you tried to initiate anything beyond that he shied away, made excuses, apologized. He would leave early in the morning, even on days when Super Junior had no schedules, and came back late at night when you were already asleep. You barely even saw him around the shared apartment anymore, and when you did he always seemed nervous. Guilty, even. You weren’t an idiot – you didn’t need someone to spell out what was going on.

It honestly might have been better if he’d just cheated on you with a random someone, but no – like you said, your jealousy was justified. Because around Hyukjae, Donghae bloomed in a way he never did anymore when he was with you. He had practically become one with the other man, following him everywhere, smiling whenever he smiled, laughing whenever he laughed, sitting with him in corners and conversing intently with him like they were the only two people in the world. He would cling to Hyukjae, whisper playfully in his ear so the two of them would break into laughter at whatever secret joke they’d just shared. He’d complain when they had to be apart for even a second, forgetting completely about you as you walked silently next to him. When Hyukjae was there, Donghae all but ignored you. It wasn’t even like it was borne out of malice; he was simply so taken by Hyukjae’s presence that he couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to anything you.

As if the world was mocking you, as if that wasn’t enough evidence, you had opened your eyes late one night while dozing off on the couch to see Donghae coming back home after a meeting with Hyukjae, his lips swollen and his unbuttoned collar failing miserably to cover the hickeys on his neck, which most definitely weren’t from you. Anyone with half a brain would be able to figure out who exactly Donghae’s little fling was.

You were even certain that you knew the exact day that it had first started, which was an amazing testament to just how atrocious at covering themselves up Donghae and Hyukjae were. It was four months ago – a stressful day for you. You’d received a call from your older brother, Mingyu, that your father had collapsed from sudden cardiac arrest. Thrown into an absolute panic, and utterly, utterly afraid for your father’s life, you’d anxiously waited for an update on his condition, pacing the empty apartment you shared with your boyfriend for hours, breaking down and sobbing hysterically more than once or twice. Every ten minutes, you found yourself calling Donghae, who’d left about twenty minutes ago, because you were terrified. All the possibilities that might become reality were making you dizzy, sick, nauseous, and faint, and you needed him there to comfort you. You needed him to hold you to his chest and assure you that everything was going to be alright.

But he never picked up.

It was only after everything was over, four hours after you’d received the news, that your father was stable. You could have collapsed from relief right then and there.

Donghae had called you an hour after the situation was resolved, worried at the sheer volume of your calls. You’d been snappish and frazzled – rightfully so – demanding to know where he’d been for so long that he couldn’t pick up your calls. He’d apologized, telling you that he was out with his members, discussing the direction of Super Junior’s next album, and he’d left his phone off. You had forced yourself to calm down and told him you got it. And when Donghae got home, he was quick to embrace you and comfort you. The last thought that flitted through your mind as he wrapped his arms around you and you forgot everything in his warmth was the curiosity of why he seemed slightly sweaty. It wasn’t a hot day.

Of course, after that he’d gotten progressively easier to see through, until you’d pieced it all together, as anyone with half a brain would be able to. For a few months after it all clicked in your head, you didn’t say anything. You weren’t really sure what to say, honestly. Your heart had been shattered to pieces – that much was undeniable, and yet this wasn���t just any normal heartbreak. You couldn’t figure out how you were supposed to react. Sometimes you cursed Donghae’s name, other times you raged on your own at Hyukjae, other times you hated yourself for maybe not being good enough that Donghae would look at other people, and still other times you found yourself hoping that he would just stop it eventually. But he didn’t.

That particular day, you had shown up at Super Junior’s music video set, having bought some food for all of them. The boys all expressed their gratitude enthusiastically; Leeteuk called you their savior, Heechul gave you a dramatic hug, Kyuhyun profusely declared his thanks while practically devouring the food with his eyes, and even Eunhyuk approached to say thank you. (He had been trying to avoid you since roughly the time his relationship with Donghae started, although when you did have to interact he was nothing but pleasant, if a little distant.) You nodded stiffly, torn between glaring at him and not looking at him. Donghae gave you a hug, another peck on the cheek, and took some food to the far corner, standing with Hyukjae. You could make out the two men talking, completely absorbed in each other, while they ate. A lump grew in your throat. You were about to leave, but Heechul stopped you, invited you to eat with them as thanks. You really didn’t want to, but you also weren’t about to refuse his kindness. Even so, noticing the disappointed look in Donghae’s eyes when he heard you weren’t leaving yet was almost enough to make you break down in front of the entire group and their staff.

Somehow, you managed to weather the ordeal without letting your distress show. You said your goodbyes to the boys, and just when you were about to leave Donghae approached you, Hyukjae at his heels. The sight almost made you turn and haul ass away from the set, but you held your ground and miraculously kept your expression under control.

“Thanks again for the food,” Donghae said, smiling at you. He looked like he was excited but trying not to let it show. You knew why.

“Yeah.” Your voice was toneless. “I’ll see you at home.”

“Bye.” This time it was Hyukjae from behind your boyfriend. Or, you supposed bitterly, his boyfriend. There was such potent guilt in his voice that you wanted to slap him. If he was going to feel so bad about cheating with Donghae, he could at least have the indecency to be shameless about it. But no – he was doing it when he knew full well how wrong it was, and felt sorry because of it. Somehow, that made you angrier than the alternative.

You nodded once. Not wishing to hear anything more from them, you quickly left the set, your jaw clenched.

When you got home, you laid down and cried. There was nothing you could do except cry, thinking of all the times that you and Donghae had spent together, completely absorbed in and enamored with no one else but each other. You should have known better than to trust anyone, least of all him. You had given him everything, you had made him your entire world, you had left your home country and surrendered your independence, which you cherished so much, for him. You had given him your first time, going against your previously firm conviction that physical relations were for after marriage, believing in your heart that he wouldn’t betray you and disappoint you. And now everything – everything – was ruined. He’d taken all that you’d offered freely to him and then flung it callously to the wolves. And Hyukjae – he had taken Donghae, knowing how hopelessly in love with him you were. And what was more, he had the audacity to feel bad about what he did. If he was going to take Donghae from you he might as well do it like he meant it. But no – he had to be sorry for what he did. You hated them both – for doing this to you, for going behind your back like this, for letting whatever was between them go this far when you were in the picture, and most of all, for not being fucking honest. If they decided they were going to fuck then they could at least have had some goddamned human decency and told you about it so you didn’t have to find yourself involved in their bullshit.

You must have spent hours crying like that, curled up on your bed with your face buried in your pillow. No, this was your fault. It was you who had never done anything to deserve someone as amazing as Donghae. If only you’d been a better girlfriend. If only you weren’t so clingy. If only you weren’t so insensitive. If only you were prettier. If only you were more charming. If only you were more remarkable, Donghae wouldn’t have cheated on you. But you weren’t – you were just you. I’m plain, I’m boring, I’m dull, I’m just not worth it. Who cared if they hurt your feelings? Hell, who cared about your feelings? You should have been better. Swamped by similar negative thoughts, you began crying harder, just when you thought you were beginning to calm down.

When you finally raised your head from the pillow, your eyes blurry and raw and your throat hoarse, you saw that it was almost dinnertime. You weren’t hungry. You didn’t think food could ever be appetizing again.

Numb and weak, you sat up in bed. Your heart still felt like it was splintering in your chest, and the anguish of Donghae’s actions were as stark and potent as ever. You still wanted to cry, you still wanted to sob your heart out like you’d been doing for the past few hours, but your body wouldn’t produce any more tears.

Who cares about me? I’ve never deserved Donghae. Of course he’s tired of me and together with Hyukjae now. He should have someone better than me, anyway. Someone who isn’t as selfish. Someone who’s more fun. Someone who matches him. I’m not that person. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.

Except. You sighed heavily, reaching up and rubbing your swollen, tear-streaked eyes. Except you knew that wasn’t true. You weren’t about to let such stupid negative thoughts get to you. It was never a woman’s fault that her boyfriend cheated on her. It was all on him. You knew that – you’d known it since you were young. It wasn’t your fault, none of this was. It was solely, completely, Donghae and Hyukjae’s for fooling you the way they had.

Or trying to, you thought bitterly. They were awful, awful liars. The worst you’d seen in your life, probably.  

Whatever else was true, it was clear that you weren’t going to let Donghae slide tonight. You were still helplessly in love with him – of course you were, otherwise this wouldn’t hurt as much – but even your feelings seemed like a child’s joke now. You’d given your heart to him willingly and he’d just spat back in your face. And you were angry.

It took another four hours for Donghae to get back. You sat on the couch the entire time with your elbows on the table in front of you, staring at the wall ahead and playing the words you wanted to say to him in your head. But when you heard the apartment code being put in, all your plans flew out the window. Nothing calculated was going to work here. You were just going to be upfront and say what came to mind, you decided, as you sat up and watched the door.

It swung open, revealing your cheating boyfriend, whose eyes immediately met yours. He froze slightly, probably not expecting you to be awake at this time. Usually you were in bed and dead to the world by now.

For your part, you had to fight back a scoff to see that Donghae’s hair was mussed and his lips were swollen. Once again, his collar was unbuttoned, barely halfway closed. Oh, he and Hyukjae had fucked recently? Right before Donghae was about to go home? For the love of fucking God, they were terrible at having a relationship in secret.

“What’s the matter?” The voice spoke from behind Donghae, and you very much recognized it; even before Donghae’s eyes widened, you knew who it was. This time, you had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from bursting into laughter. What the fuck was this? He’d even brought Hyukjae all the way to your shared apartment now? Just how incompetent of a cheater could Donghae be?

“I – I brought Hyukjae over, Y/N,” Donghae stammered. “We need… we’re going to talk about the… a scene in the MV.”

You stared at him, silent with disbelief at the flimsiness of his excuse. Not to mention, even a toddler would be able to tell that he was lying.

Looking slightly frazzled at the unexpected fact that you weren’t asleep yet, Hyukjae came into your line of sight behind Donghae. “Hey, Y/N,” he greeted. It would have been casual if not for the nervous tremble in his voice. “Sorry – this idiot told me you’d be asleep by now.” His eyes flickered uneasily to Donghae before focusing on you again. For his part, your boyfriend looked like he was trying to gather his composure.

“Should I go?” Hyukjae asked. “We can talk about the scene another time, Donghae.”

“Yeah, that would probably––”

“No,” you interrupted, lacing your fingers together in front of you on the stand. Both men’s gazes snapped to you – they were being so visibly jumpy that it was painful to watch. “I’m actually glad you’re here, Hyukjae. Come in.”

A little uncertain, they did as you said. No sooner had they taken off their shoes and come half a meter into the apartment did you speak, too disgusted at the sight of them to hold your tongue any longer.

“I heard you two are together.”

Donghae and Hyukjae froze. Their eyes widened, almost in unison. Even that was an infuriating sight, seeing evidence that apparently they were just so in sync that they did everything simultaneously, unintentional or not. Maybe this was what people called soulmates. It made you want to pick up the stand and hurl it at their faces.

They tried their excuses at the same time, stumbling over their words, even though they really needn’t have bothered; both of them had gone so pale that any further confirmation would be pointless.

Donghae stammered. “Wh-what are you––”

Hyukjae avoided your eyes like he’d get the Black Death if he met them. “Who said something like––”

“It’s up to your answer.” You were in no mood to listen to their pathetic attempts at feinting their way around you. “You can be honest – or you can lie to me. If you’re honest––” your voice strained as you went on from the effort of trying to choke back the ugly, venomous bitterness that was overflowing up from the very bottom of your heart, “––I’ll resent you both for the rest of my life.”

They were silent – the kind of cowed silence that was usually seen on irresponsible children being scolded by their parents.

“But if you lie,” you continued steadily, only the faintest tremble of your voice giving away any hint of your fury, “I’ll never forgive you.” If they lied to you, that would be the worst betrayal. The two of them – your precious boyfriend, whom you were hopelessly in love with, and his dear best friend, who’d always been so friendly and welcoming to you – had disregarded you, trampled over your feelings, humiliated you, deceived you, for long enough. Enough for an entire lifetime. The least, the very fucking minimum, that they could do now, was not lie.

“You decide what’s better for you two. That’s all you’ve been doing when it comes to me, anyway.” Making decisions for yourselves, for the sake of this relationship between you two, not bothering to think about me. Not bothering to even be honest. Your words hung in the air, unchallenged, undisputed, as the two of them stared hard down at the ground. They seemed unable to even turn their faces in your direction.

“I heard it started that day four months ago,” you said when they refused to speak, with calmness that was eerie to even yourself. Donghae and Hyukjae looked at you, their eyes wide with shock. You just wanted to laugh; there was, quite literally, nothing for them to be shocked about, not with their lying capabilities. Your voice shuddered with disgust as you went on. “The day I was alone in the apartment crying over what would happen to my father. The day you lied that you were with your members!” The last sentence ended as a scream. “I called you, Donghae, so many times because I was so scared, and you two were off fucking each other?” There was a scoff in your tone. You realized that your eyes had teared up, and that you were smiling – smiling at the utter hopelessness of the situation that had started four months ago. Smiling at the utter wreck that had become of your relationship with the man you’d been willing to give your everything for.

Donghae and Hyukjae looked away. They were looking at anything but you – at the wall, at the floor, at their feet, at the windows – anywhere but at you. You faintly wondered what exactly it was they saw when they did look in your direction.

It was like they’d gone temporarily mute. Donghae opened his mouth, still avoiding your gaze, and then closed it again. Hyukjae’s lower lip trembled, like he was about to start crying. If he did, you might just shove him – them both, in fact – off the balcony with your own two hands.

“Who told you this?” Donghae said finally, though it was so quiet that it might as well have been a whimper. Anyone could tell he really wasn’t curious. It was just an attempt to forget his guilt, to block out the accusation in your stare and the venom you were practically spitting at him and Hyukjae. You weren’t having it. He deserved every bit of that venom and then so much more.

“Answer.” Your voice was a whisper. “Am I right?”

They didn’t. They were frozen, staring at you with crippling guilt in their eyes.

“Am I?!” you shrieked.

Donghae shuddered. Took a breath. You could see the rise and fall of his shoulders as he sucked in the oxygen. His answer was practically just an exhale – short, strained, stricken, choked.

“Yes.”

Behind him, Hyukjae sagged.

For a long second, you just stared at them both, and they stared back, fear stark in their eyes. You took in the sight before you – your boyfriend and his best friend, who had fucked behind your back four months prior and had continued fucking behind your back since. Your boyfriend and his best friend, who had made the touching decision that they were going to get together and it didn’t matter that you were still involved with Donghae. Your boyfriend and his best friend, two pathetic cowards who didn’t even have the courage to let an uninvolved bystander extricate herself from their business. The fans had always thought they’d suited each other, you’d always thought they’d suited each other – and that was right. They did suit each other – very, very well.

You laughed. At first it was just two quiet, breathless heaves, escaping you as you looked away from them. A tear slipped down your cheek. You brought your folded hands in front of your face, your head slumping against them as you stared despondently at the table. Then the laughter came harder, evolving into quiet chuckling, and you hid your face in your hands as your shoulders shook with each tired chortle that slipped from your mouth.

It took you a few seconds to regain your composure. You raised your head and rubbed your hands together to dispel the wetness from your tears before you let them fall back on the table in front of you, facing Donghae and Hyukjae once again with a small, bitter smile. It wasn’t fake at all.

Sucking in a ragged breath, you studied the men in front of with perverse fascination, intrigued despite how viscerally repulsive you found the sight of them. “Just what the hell are you two?” you choked out disbelievingly, unable to keep the scorn from your tone.

“I’m so sorry,” Donghae whispered. You were silent. It was impossible to express in words how meaningless his apology was. Next to Donghae, Hyukjae’s head hung. You noticed that his fingers were entwined with your boyfriend’s, the two of them instinctively holding hands for comfort against the force of your rage.

“It must have been such a beautiful moment for the two of you,” you said quietly. You could practically picture it. One of them confessing, the other accepting it, both of them deciding that they were together now and declaring their love for each other. How sweet.

They both flinched.

“So? How did it go?” The smile you gave them was weak and mirthless. “Did Donghae confess first? Hyukjae? Did you hold hands and cry with joy that you both returned each other’s feelings?”

It was only then that Hyukjae finally seemed to regain his voice. The words came out feeble and shriveled, but they came out nonetheless. “It was me. I confessed first. It was backstage of a concert, right before we performed… the one we had the day before your father collapsed. I told him…” He trembled, his voice cracking for a second. “I told him I’d loved him since we first met.”

You stared wordlessly at the table.

“Then I knew,” Donghae burst out, like he’d been burning to say this forever but had kept hesitating until now. It must be satisfying for him, you thought. Finally being forthright with you after four months of lying. “I knew that I – I loved him too. It was like all my feelings came crashing down on me.”

So then, the next day, you left me in the apartment and was off fucking him when my father collapsed. Bitterly, wearily, you put it all together in your head. That’s what happened.

“Please… Please believe me, Y/N,” Donghae’s voice shook. “I did love you. I really did. You were everything I thought about when I thought about happiness. But then Hyukjae confessed to me, and I realized… it won’t work out between us. We aren’t meant to be.”

“I’m sorry.” Hyukjae sounded near tears. “This is my fault, Y/N. I shouldn’t have told him how I felt, but I couldn’t help it. Please… hate me. Don’t hate him. It’s me that got between the two of you.”

Your teeth clenched as white-hot heat flared up inside you. Really? That’s what they were apologizing about? No. No, they were talking like they’d wronged you, yes, but they just couldn’t help it because they were just so in love. And maybe that was true. And it hurt that you and Donghae’s relationship had crumbled so laughably – but that wasn’t why you were so revolted by them. It was because there was something they should be infinitely sorrier about.

“Who said anything about me and him?” you hissed, glaring at Donghae. He looked shocked at your callous words. It made you angrier. “You fucking idiots. You disgusting, pathetic, cowards – do you really think the problem is that you two are together?” You stood, knocking the stand in front of you over with the force of the movement. “No. You two are sobbing about how sorry you are for ruining my relationship – how about being sorry for, I don’t know, not telling me earlier? All you had to do – really, all you had to do was come to me four months ago and say, ‘I’m sorry Y/N, but we’re together now. There’s no place for you here anymore.’ That was it.” You wanted to smash a bowl against their faces and hear, feel, the glass shattering at the force of its impact with their skulls underneath the skin.

“You couldn’t do that? You couldn’t extend me that basic courtesy? You couldn’t just say it to my face so I could get out of your business? So I wouldn’t have to spend four fucking months wallowing because of your bullshit?!”

“I…” Donghae looked stricken at your words, like he’d never even considered that the worst thing he and Hyukjae had done to you was simply not having the very rudimental decency to tell you upfront. “I didn’t want to hurt you. But it looks like I – I hurt you anyway. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

You laughed again. It was still a short spurt, but this time, it came out shrill and incredulous, even as your body felt like sagging from weariness at just how ridiculous this was. Had you just heard him right? He didn’t want to hurt you? What a joke.

“No, this is because of me.” This time it was Hyukjae who spoke. “You can… you can hate me, Y/N. Shout at me, hit me, slander me. Tell the public that I’m a lying scumbag, if you want. Just… just leave Donghae out of it. Please.”

“No,” Donghae cut in, shaking his head desperately. “Don’t hurt Hyukjae, Y/N. This is all my fault. I should have stopped myself from doing this to you. You can do anything you want to me, so please… please don’t touch him.”

You clenched your fists, their pleas for you to leave the other alone filling you with ugly resentment. They really were so in love – even your eyes, you who didn’t want to see it, could pick it up easily. For a moment, you were tempted. You thought of all the things you could do to both of them. Screaming at them, punching them, kicking them – that was the least of it. If you wanted you could even spread information that might leave an inerasable stain on their images. You could ruin their careers if you got lucky, leave them humiliated and waist-high in scandal and unable to appear in public again.

But…

You weren’t going to do it.

You were smart enough to know that it would bring you no kind of satisfaction. You didn’t think anything you did to the two men in front of you would satisfy you. Even if they got on their knees in front of you and begged you to forgive them, even if Donghae ended it with Hyukjae to have you back, even if you somehow got some sort of sick revenge on the both of them, you wouldn’t feel better. You’d never feel better again. Exhaustion washed over you.

“Just leave me alone while I pack my things,” you said tiredly. “That’s the only thing you two can do for me.”

“P-pack your things?” Donghae stared at you. “Y/N, are you…?”

“I’m leaving.” There was no point in you being here any longer. You were returning to your home country, to the family you’d left behind, putting this rotten mess in the past for good. You would have laughed if you had the energy. You recalled arriving at this apartment three years ago, Donghae’s hand in yours as he smiled at you, your chest filled to the brim with anticipation and hope for the future. You thought you had countless long years with him by your side stretching ahead of you. You’d been so sure that he was the one; you’d been so sure that there was no one who could ever be better to you. And now here you were, about to pack up and leave because he’d cheated on you, kept you in the dark for fourth months, taken the adoration and love you’d offered him and thrown it back in your face. And yet, a traitorous part of your heart hoped that he would try to stop you. To convince you to stay with him. Something to show that he still, deep down in there somewhere, in any way possible, loved you.

But he didn’t.

Of course not, you thought, even as you could feel your heart splintering to pieces in your chest. Why would he? He has Hyukjae. They’re probably rejoicing. This is probably the perfect opportunity to get rid of me without feeling bad themselves.

Wordlessly, you walked past them and to the bedroom that you and Donghae shared. Refusing to look at the bed that you two had lain in together, the framed pictures that you two had taken together, the scattered sheets of music that you two had written together, the books on the shelf that you two had read together, you packed your things. The movement were almost mechanical; your clothes, your toothbrush, your hairbrush, your makeup, your phone – the essentials. You had no desire to take anything else. You wanted to leave this chapter of your life completely behind you. You wanted to forget that Lee Donghae had ever meant anything to you. And yet, the crushing, agonizing pressure in your chest told you that that would be impossible.

You loved him. The true love that you had wanted so fiercely since you were young. As you shoved the last of your items into your suitcase, everything settled around you. This was it. You were leaving him. He’d fallen in love with somebody else. They were happy together. And you – you were doomed to spend your entire life without him – crying over him, longing for him, hating him, resenting him, and yet still so irrevocably in love with him. That was your future.

And that entire time you were miserable, he’d be happy with Hyukjae. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. It was cruel – and yet it was your reality that you had to live the rest of your life with. You wanted to cry, but your body would produce no more tears. You were entirely drained.

“Y/N, you can’t just go charging out there,” Hyukjae said as you emerged from the bedroom, your suitcase packed. “How will you get home?” Next to his friend – his boyfriend, Donghae nodded, worry and shame in his eyes. “Hyukjae’s right. At least make plans. I’ll pay for everything.” His offer rang hollowly in your ears. It would have been preferable if both of them just ignored you.

“Don’t worry about it,” you replied flatly. “You two have ever worried about me anyway.”

That shut them up. Not sparing them another glance, you left the apartment and made your way down the hallway and down the stairs. Once outside, you called a friend.

“Hello? Y/N-eonni?” The calm voice of Pandora’s leader on the other end of the line somehow seemed to ground you.

“Taeyeon,” you greeted her.

“Are you okay?”

Well, shit. You weren’t planning on sounding so obviously despondent, but clearly your feelings were harder to hide than you thought they’d be. Your chest ached as you thought of the entire life, the entire world, that you’d just left behind. A lump formed in your throat, and you had to choke past it painfully to speak. “…No.”

You and Taeyeon weren’t exactly the closest of companions, but she did like you and you did like her, and she was the kind of person you could see yourself hitting it off with extremely well were you not headed back home. You were close enough to be called friends, even though a few years ago you never thought you’d be able to label your relationship with Pandora’s leader as anything remotely similar to that. Since you had dated Donghae for a considerable amount of time, and she was a good friend of Super Junior’s, you’d met her and gotten closer to her.

“Why’s that?” That was part of what you liked about Taeyeon. Despite her obviously being able to tell that you were down in the dumps, she didn’t treat you differently like you had become some wounded animal that needed careful handling. She sounded sympathetic, but not cautious or afraid of poking somewhere too painful.

“I broke up with Donghae.”

Without giving her the details, you explained that you’d parted with your boyfriend and needed a place to stay until you could make your plans to leave Korea. She accepted and invited you to live in her apartment for the time you needed.

You remained at Taeyeon’s place for about a week, getting everything together in preparation for your flight back home. You had no money, since you’d given up your financial independence like a goddamn fool when you’d fallen for Donghae, but Taeyeon had you covered. She insisted that you didn’t have to pay her back, but you insisted even harder, not being the type of person to like being in any kind of debt, even potential. So you two agreed that you’d pay her back within a month of your flight back home.

It was only until you were on the plane and sailing over the ocean that it all crashed down on you once again. Your head pounding and your throat tightening, you tried to muffle your intense sobbing as to not disturb the passengers near you, although the bewildered, annoyed, and worried stares that bored into your skin the entire way was more than enough to let you know that you hadn’t exactly succeeded in that regard.

When you got back home, your family gave you a warm welcome back. Having them with you again made you smile genuinely, but the pain was far worse than any joy you could feel.

You got a place back at your old job and threw yourself into work. It did feel good to be in control of your own income again, even if you had to start from the bottom after three years of absence, but that satisfaction was completely engulfed by how heartsick you felt. When you had time you found yourself staring listlessly at the ceiling or the wall, sometimes bursting into tears as you curled up in your bed or on the sofa, your chest feeling like it was going to split right down the middle one day soon. You couldn’t stop thinking of Donghae constantly – in fact, he was probably the one topic that occupied your mind the most. How was he? Did he miss you, like you missed him? No – of course he didn’t. He had Hyukjae, and evidently Hyukjae had mattered more to him than you ever had. Did he even bother to think of you, even occasionally? Even just once since you’d left?

You couldn’t even find any respite in your dreams. You’d often struggle your way to consciousness before the sun was up, your eyes wet with tears and the blunt, crushing pain in your chest pressing down on you, making it hard to breathe. You’d have dreams about the days that you and Donghae had spent together when the two of you were each other’s world, dreams of him lifting you in his arms and spinning you around, dreams of him embracing you and holding you to his chest, dreams of him kissing you. You’d even have dreams as mundane as walking through a bustling street with his hand in yours, your steps perfectly synchronized. Sometimes, if the universe was feeling particularly cruel, you’d have dreams of him and Hyukjae, happily, contentedly, in love.

And you tried. You really tried to smile through it all, but deep down inside, you could feel the sense of desperation choking you. This was how you would live from now on, for the rest of your life. Longing for a man who’d discarded you like trash. You’d spend your days wallowing in your misery, unable to forget Lee Donghae.

Sitting on the couch of your apartment, you found the tears overwhelming you again. You tried to swallow them, to push them back, to bury them and tell yourself that crying was no use, that you were fine, that you’d be fine – but it was all pointless. A tear slipped down your cheek, and your fragile defenses completely broke. You sobbed, burying your fingers in your hair as your cries shook your entire body, drowning out all other thoughts. This was it. This was the life you’d have to live. In constant pain, crying your soul out for a man who’d betrayed you and found happiness with someone else after it. He might have cheated on you, but you’d truly loved him. You’d truly loved him, and true love didn’t go away. It never faded, it never got better, no matter how much time passed.

You were doomed to this until you died.

But then something changed. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but you could tell something was different. Your thoughts were still constantly occupied with Donghae, but there was a little bit less agony that seized your body when you thought of him, a little less resentment and a little less bitterness. He still made you cry, and you still hated how he was undoubtedly happy without you, but the pain and betrayal you felt towards him – towards both him and Hyukjae – was just slightly less. You brushed it off, because surely, you thought – surely, it’d come back soon, stronger than ever.

But it didn’t.

It only got lesser and lesser as time passed. That lump of ferocious, acrid emotion that had lodged itself in your chest since you’d found out about Donghae’s infidelity and had only been growing for all those months began to shrivel inside you. At first it was just subtle things; your tears took a little less time to come when you thought about him, or there’d be tiny little increments of the day when you forgot he’d ever been anything more than just a celebrity to you. The changes were so small that you didn’t even notice them.

But then kept getting more and more drastic. Once, you came across a Super Junior D&E video on your YouTube recommended, and the thumbnail was Donghae and Eunhyuk. As your gaze settled on them and recognition flared inside you, you braced yourself for the rush of anger and sadness that was sure to come. But it never did. Another time, you found yourself mindlessly thinking back to the time you’d broken up with Donghae, when you’d confronted him and Hyukjae about their relationship. It took you a good few minutes to realize that you could hardly feel anything in you when you pictured that day again. You should be feeling all kinds of negative emotions, you should be starting to tear up again, but you weren’t. Your dreams dwindled, too. You slept better, fuller, longer, and no longer woke up feeling like you were about to start crying. You woke up feeling rested and content and ready for the day ahead of you.

Often, you had to consciously remind yourself to think about Donghae. You had to remind yourself to feel sadness when he came up in your mind. The love of your life, the man who gave everything you offered him and spat it back in your face, you reminded yourself, and yet the overflowing misery and resentment and pain you thought you’d feel forever when you thought of him just wouldn’t well up inside of you. That’s when you began to wonder. It crept into your mind, gradually, surreptitiously, like some snake sneaking up on a mouse.

What if I didn’t…

No. No, you told yourself.

So you actively began clinging to misery, to resentment. I’m sad and I’m angry at what Donghae and Hyukjae did to me, you told yourself. I am. I have to be. You deliberately thought about the two men, you deliberately made yourself relive what they’d put you through, in an attempt to make that same awful pain of betrayal and heartbreak stick with you. You tried to tell yourself that you loved Donghae, that you truly loved him, and that you were never getting over this. Over him. You were bitter, you were angry, you were heartbroken. You were.

The alternative was… too sad.

But by the sixth month of your parting with Donghae, you couldn’t try any longer.

You sat on your couch, on the same spot that you’d spent so many hours curled up and crying thinking about him. You weren’t crying now, you weren’t even close to crying now, but there was a certain heaviness to your heart.

In one last-ditch attempt, you took yourself back in time. “Yes,” Donghae said, in response to your question. Yes, he and Hyukjae were together. Yes, he and Hyukjae were in love. Yes, he no longer loved you. Yes, this was the man you’d given up your entire world for, telling you to your face – yes, he had betrayed everything you freely offered to him: your trust, your belief, your love, your heart––

Cry, you told yourself. Cry, Y/N.

But you didn’t. You couldn’t.

Resigned to your reality, you stared at the stand in front of your couch. I’m sorry, Donghae, you thought. This was the undeniable truth, the ridiculous, dejecting outcome of it all. You thought of how Donghae had betrayed you, you thought of how Donghae had lied to you, you thought of how Donghae had tossed you aside for someone else, you thought about how Donghae was happy with Hyukjae. And you just…

You didn’t care.

You’d tried, but it was impossible. You couldn’t make yourself care.

There was nothing for you to do but accept the truth you’d come to realize about yourself. You’d gotten bored of being heartbroken over Donghae. You’d gotten bored of Donghae.

For months you’d tried to deny it – you’d tried to deny what was only becoming clearer to you. You were recovering from what he’d done to you, you were getting over him – forgetting him. The thought of him did nothing to you anymore.

You’d thought – no, you’d sincerely believed – that you loved him. That it was your true love that you’d felt towards him, whatever it had been that he felt towards you. That true love that a person never recovered from, that true love that never died down no matter how many long, trying years passed.

But it had. It had died down. Whatever you’d felt for Donghae, it was gone. And it hadn’t even taken years. It hadn’t even taken a single year.

Did I even really love you?

Silent, you folded your hands on your lap. Your apartment seemed to have wilted with your admittance of the truth.

No. You hadn’t.

You once thought there was nothing that could be sadder than what happened to you six months ago. Nothing could be sadder than parting from the love of your life in the way you had. But you knew better now. This was it. There was nothing that could possibly be sadder than this.

You’d believed, without a shadow of a doubt, that you loved Donghae. You’d definitely loved him so much, so fervently, so fiercely, that you were willing to give him your world, you were willing to give him your everything. You called him your everything – your sky, your stars, your sun, your moon, your blood, and your oxygen. But in the end, it was nothing but the passing of time that saw it all crumbling to pieces. You no longer cared about Donghae, you no longer cared about what he and Hyukjae had done to you – simply because you’d gotten bored of caring. This was the man you thought you could have died for, and in the end, you walked away because you were bored of him.

There was nothing else to it. It wasn’t because of some self-enlightened realization that you were better off without him, it wasn’t because you’d found someone else who was so much better than he was, it wasn’t because you’d decided that he wasn’t worth your sadness after he’d cheated on you, it wasn’t because of some life-changing epiphany that you’d experienced. No, it was solely, completely, and only because you were bored of him. It was just that easy for Donghae to lose all meaning to you.

That was sadder than anything else in the world.

You opened the gallery on your phone. It was still full of pictures that you and Donghae had taken together. Numbly, almost mechanically, you went through and deleted every single one until just one more remained. At it, you paused. It was a selfie that you and him had taken together within the first year of your relationship. You studied Donghae’s handsome face, tracing your eyes over every contour of his skin – but nothing stirred inside you. You remembered how you felt taking this photo. You had been on cloud nine, giddy and ecstatic that you were dating Lee Donghae, and completely convinced that you were in love with him, totally and undeniably.

And yet, here you were, faced with the undeniable reality that all it had taken was time for him to become nothing to you. You hadn’t even had to try.

“I’m sorry, Donghae,” you said quietly. And you were. Sorry that you and he had wasted three years of your lives, mistaking whatever you’d felt towards each other as love. Sorry that you and he had ever bothered with each other when the both of you could have spent that time doing something so much more meaningful. Sorry that those three years that the two of you had spent together now meant nothing to anyone – not to him, and not to you.

“We were a pretty good couple,” you told the photo, toneless. Apathetic. “That’s reason enough.”

It would have to be reason enough; otherwise, the three years you and Donghae had been together would really and truly be meaningless.

The words hung in the air, tragic and dull but undeniably true. It was sad. You thought you’d loved him with every ounce, every atom, of your entire being, so much that you felt like you would burn up with the force of it, but in the end, all you could sincerely say was that the two of you had been pretty alright. That was all the two of you together and all the times you’d spent by each other’s sides amounted to. Pretty alright.

You deleted the photo.

~

“And you, Y/N, and your team are assigned to Super Junior.”

Well, fuck.

Four years after you returned to your country, your company had risen and grown until it encompassed a significant portion of the world’s fashion business – and you had risen and grown right alongside it. You were the leader of a team of stylists and designers whose entire focus was to delve into and become involved with the kpop industry. You weren’t exactly famous, but you’d become quite well-known around your area of business in your own right, which was a weird thought that you tried your best not to dwell on.

And now your team was assigned to work with Super Junior. You weren’t against it – you recognized what a big opportunity this was for you, your team, and your company, and you knew how to remain professional. But the odds of the situation were certainly worth a little amusement.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Mingyu, your older brother, asked you when he heard the news. “I don’t know how that bastard hurt you, but you were a wreck after you came back, Y/N.”

“Stop it,” you chided, hitting him lightly on the head. “Don’t call Donghae that. You shouldn’t be holding grudges when even I already forgot what happened between us. I’ll be fine.”

A few weeks later, you walked into the meeting room with your team behind you to be introduced to Super Junior. Rin looked calm and collected as she always was, her black hair tied neatly behind her and her gaze steady. Joohyun had been alternating between nervous silence and nervous jitters, but she seemed to have gotten a grip of herself, her head held high and her eyes sharp. Sejin was taking a deep breath, but otherwise, she was composed. Kaito looked faintly terrified – he was the youngest, newest, and least experienced on the team, after all – but otherwise, he looked like he knew what he was doing.

“I’m L/N Y/N,” you greeted Super Junior, ignoring the recognition and then the shock on their faces as you bowed deeply. “I hope we’ll get along well. Please don’t hesitate to approach me or anyone in my team if you think there’s something about your styling and outfits that could be better.” As you talked, your gaze swept each one of them, seeing pretty much the same expressions of complete surprise – at least until you came to Donghae and Hyukjae, sitting next to each other at the meeting table.

They were absolutely paralyzed. There was no other way to describe it – it was like they’d been told the entire reality they lived in was a fabrication or something. You couldn’t really fault them for their reaction, but for everyone’s sake you hoped they got it together fast. There was a time and place for that shock, and now was not it.

Irritation flickered in you as you realized you’d probably have to speak to them separately if you wanted to avoid any unnecessary tension that would interfere with business. Keeping your face neutral, you let the other members of your team introduce themselves.

After introductions were finished, you and your team spent an hour discussing things with Super Junior. As you’d expected, they were all experienced enough to know not to bring up the many questions they undoubtedly had about your new position working with them, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t clearly see their curiosity.

Following the meeting, you decided that the sooner, the better.

“You guys go on ahead,” you told your team, “I have something to discuss with these gentlemen.”

Once you and Super Junior were alone, absolute awkwardness settled over all of the people in the room. You wondered if it was their first time being faced with one of their members’ exes. Finally, tired of the stuffy silence and annoyed with their apparent inability to say anything, you spoke first.

“I know this isn’t what any of us expected, but I’m sure all of you are aware that we’re here for business. It’ll be hard to stay professional if you guys keep remembering that I’m the ex of one of the members here––” You could have sworn Donghae and Hyukjae both flinched a little, and wondered if they’d told the others what exactly had happened four years ago, why you’d left so suddenly. “––so don’t think about that. You’re all my clients, nothing more. Let’s all get along and do our best. Okay?”

They all agreed, almost a little too eagerly. Looks like they’d been worried about how they were going to manage this situation. You were a little concerned, too, and you knew it’d be an experience, but you were confident that it wasn’t going to affect your professional performance. Whatever had happened between you and the members – especially a certain two – ended four years ago. It already felt like another lifetime. You were so different back then, naïve and full of ridiculous, idealistic dreams. You knew better now.

About a month later, Super Junior was preparing for their comeback, and it was the day of their costume fitting. Each team member had been assigned a certain few members to design clothes for and style, and it was just your luck that you got Donghae and Eunhyuk. You’d groaned a little when you saw that you got them, but there was nothing to be done about it, and you supposed it would give you an opportunity to talk with them. All the other members had become more natural around you except for those two, and you were pretty sure that the rest of Super Junior, as well as your team members, had noticed something was amiss. Not good.

You arrived at the SM building, the clothes you’d hand-designed for them and three cups of coffee at the ready. You remembered what flavors both of them liked, and hoped that they hadn’t changed.

When Donghae and Eunhyuk saw you waiting for them, they went the smallest bit pale. You waved them over, too impatient to let them gather themselves.

“Here,” you said briskly as you put each respective coffee in front of them on the table. “I hope you both still like the same flavors that you did four years ago.”

Donghae’s eyes flicked from the coffee, to Hyukjae, to you. “Y-yeah. We still do.” He sounded like a little kid, uncertain and shy, not knowing what to do. His boyfriend – were they still together? – didn’t seem to be faring much better.

“You two need to relax,” you scolded, but you knew just the words weren’t going to do much. If you wanted them to feel comfortable around you – and you did, an appropriately comfortable relationship was important for good professional partnerships – you’d have to ease them into it. Talk to them. You weren’t going to get rid of the tension between the three of you any other way.

“How are you guys?” you asked. “Are you still together?”

Both men looked up at you, wariness in their eyes. You wanted to sigh, but instead you took a sip of your coffee before looking at them again. “It’s not a trick question, you know. I’m curious.” And you kind of were; the sort of fairly apathetic curiosity that motivated you to ask, but most of the time it wasn’t something that you really gave any thought to.

“We are.” Hyukjae’s reply was cautious. There was a hint of shame in his voice that you thought was unnecessary.

“That’s good,” you said, genuinely. They, at the very least, seemed to have really, sincerely, loved each other, if your memory served you right – which was more than what could be said about you and Donghae. It would be sad to hear that a couple that cared so much about each other ended up breaking up eventually, too.

Both of them flinched again, as if they’d somehow wronged you by staying together. You rolled your eyes.

“You don’t need to feel sorry,” you told them, ignoring the surprise on their faces that their feelings had been picked up. You had been in your business long enough to be pretty good at reading people.

“How can we not be?” Hyukjae asked softly. “You probably still hate us. It feels wrong to flaunt it in front of you.”

Pursing your lips in surprise at his belief that you still hated them, you eyed the two of them with mild amusement. “Don’t worry about that.”

Confusion filled Hyukjae’s eyes. “But… don’t you hate that we’re together? Don’t you hate us? After what…” he faltered, hesitant to bring the past up. “… after what we did to you?”

You glanced down at your coffee briefly, wondering how to articulate how exactly you felt about Donghae and Hyukjae being a thing and how exactly you felt about Donghae and Hyukjae. Mild congratulations for their relationship and mild fondness for them, maybe, but other than that, nothing.

“No, I don’t really have any thoughts about it,” you replied truthfully, looking back up at them. It had been over three years, nearly four, since you’d cared about or given much consideration to Donghae and Hyukjae. You knew they were together, but it was never something that had held your consideration for more than a few seconds. In fact, you hadn’t given it enough thought to even realize before now that it wasn’t something you particularly cared about.

“How have you been, Y/N?” This time it was Donghae – the first time he’d asked you a question. He looked somewhat afraid to hear your answer, like you were going to tell him something harsh. Well, you thought idly, Donghae always did worry a lot.

“I’ve been fine, I guess,” you said. “Actually, I’ve been good.” And you had. You’d changed a lot in the four years it had been since you saw Donghae and Hyukjae, but it was all for the better. You were more self-assured, more level-headed, more willing to take the initiative, and you’d abandoned your fanciful notions of romance and love. For that last part, you had the two men sitting in front of you to thank.

“That’s… that’s good.” He seemed to be grappling with something before he added uncertainly, “But it’s not exactly what I meant.”

Taking another sip of your coffee, you raised your eyebrow at him.

Seeing your beckoning look, he continued. “I might be overstepping my boundaries, but… after you left. What did you do?” Next to Donghae, Hyukjae was watching you with a twin expression of guilty curiosity as his boyfriend.

“Well, I went back home and got a place at my old job,” you began. Donghae had worded his question like he would be satisfied with just that answer – after all, that was pretty much the only significant thing you’d done when you arrived back home after breaking up with him – but you could tell that he was asking about more than that. Not just what you’d done after you got back home, but how you’d felt. You wondered briefly if it should make you angry that he and Hyukjae wanted to know how you’d felt – after all, they were the reason you’d been so miserable and had spent so much of your time just crying during the first few months of your arrival in your home country. But you weren’t angry at them. There wasn’t much that you felt towards the two men sitting across from you, except maybe still apologetic towards Donghae.

Speaking of which…

“Oh, there’s something I need to apologize to you for, Donghae.”

The two of them stared at you; you could practically see the question in their eyes. Something that you need to apologize to Donghae for?

But you did need to apologize to him for this. It was something you felt sincerely sorry about.

“When I first got back home,” you said, “I was torn up. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I thought I wouldn’t be able to live the rest of my life without you.”

There was a flicker of something in Donghae’s eyes. If you put a name to it, you’d almost say it looked like hope, but what place did that have here? You must have been mistaken, even though your intuition was usually accurate. Hyukjae glanced furtively over at Donghae; you wondered if he’d seen that emotion, whatever it was, in his boyfriend’s gaze. It wasn’t really of concern, though, so you went on after another sip from your cup.

“But it didn’t take a long time until that all faded away. I was surprised, at first. I was so convinced that I’d never be able to get over you and what you did to me, but all it took was a few months before I didn’t care.” You didn’t know why you were being so candid with the two of them. You hadn’t been intending to tell them all this, but, now that you were here, you felt like you had to. You felt like it would be the last step in completely and ultimately leaving behind that chapter of your life. You had found your closure four years ago; now you needed to give Donghae and Hyukjae closure, too.

“I tried to be sad, you know,” you told them. “I tried to convince myself that I was angry, and heartbroken, and that I was never going to get over you, Donghae. But I guess I should have known better – just trying is never enough for anything, after all.”

You met their eyes, one at a time, slightly confused by what you saw there. Donghae looked a little shocked and dejected, and Hyukjae looked worried. Wondering if you were missing something, you went silent briefly, studying them. Before you could draw any conclusions, though, Donghae spoke.

“Then what happened?” he asked, his voice faint. “Why did you want to apologize to me, Y/N?”

“Nothing really happened,” you admitted. “It’s just… strange, Donghae. I was sure I loved you with all my heart. I was willing to give you my entire world – but all it took was a few months for me to become bored of missing you. To become bored of you. Accepting that I never really loved you was jarring.” Reminded of the quiet despondency that had surrounded that realization four years ago, you took one last sip of your coffee, finishing it off.

“I guess I want to say… I’m sorry that we wasted so much time on each other, Donghae. We could have both been doing more useful things while we were busy playing at being in love.” You smiled grimly at him. “I thought nothing could be more heartbreaking to me than the way we parted, but realizing that all it takes is a few months for the person I was confident that I was completely in love with to lose all meaning to me… there’s nothing more depressing than that.”

Donghae and Hyukjae were silent as you reminisced. It had been years since you thought of that despondency that had come over you when you realized you could no longer deny that what you’d felt for Donghae had never been love, but it was just as sad to feel now as it was back then.

“I… I see.” Donghae sounded strained. “It’s okay, Y/N. I was – I was happy with you for a long time.”

“If you think of it that way, I’m grateful.” You were sincerely glad that he was able to take the optimistic version of it. Standing, you gave both men a genuine smile.

“We were a pretty good couple, Donghae,” you said. “That was a good enough reason for our relationship. And I have a feeling that you two will make it through anything.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” Hyukjae murmured.

“I’m just being honest,” you assured him, satisfied that you’d been able to resolve the issue by clarifying to them that you didn’t care anymore about what had happened in the past between the three of you. “I’ll be waiting in the fitting room with your clothes. Take your time.”

As you walked off, Hyukjae put a hand on Donghae’s shoulder. “Are you… are you okay?” he asked his boyfriend worriedly.

Donghae shook his head, staring down at the table. “I’m not sure.” He really didn’t know how to feel, how to take this information. We were a pretty good couple, Donghae. For the nearly three years that he and you had spent together, thinking of each other as your entire worlds, to amount to nothing but we were a pretty good couple to you… he could tell you were being truthful, if your apathy as you talked about how you’d first felt after breaking up with him wasn’t indication enough.

Accepting that I never really loved you was jarring.

Donghae had always wondered if one day, you’d show up to get revenge for what he’d done to you. You weren’t that kind of person and he knew it, but after the way he’d hurt you, he wouldn’t have been surprised if you changed – if you’d become bitter and spiteful and wanted to see him ruined. He couldn’t have blamed you for that – for wanting to hurt him.

But this… it hurt more than anything he could have imagined. Your admission that it had taken you only months to stop caring about him – when he still wasn’t completely over you, even now. Your admission that you’d never really loved him – when, four years later, he was still in love with you and he still regretted that he couldn’t have convinced you to stay with him.

He supposed this was your revenge. The fact that it was unintentional, innocuous, that you weren’t even aware how much your words had burned, made it all the more painful.

I’m sorry we wasted so much time on each other, Donghae.

It hadn’t been that to him. He had felt blessed for being able to spend so long with you, and hoped against hope that someday that time could somehow come back. But he knew now that to you, it had just been a waste.

#super junior reactions #super junior imagines #super junior scenarios #super junior #donghae scenarios #donghae reactions #donghae imagines #donghae x reader #donghae x you #super junior x reader #super junior x you #lee donghae #donghae #eunhae scenarios #eunhae imagines #eunhae reactions #eunhae #my writing

[cecaeliana]

send 🗝  and a topic to make my muse talk about something they don’t want to talk about 

anon said: 🗝 talk about the shrimpy incident 

      “ the thing you really have to understand is that when we were friends, mal and me, we were already breaking every isle social rule there was. friends don’t exist on the isle, they’re not allowed. not even for kids. but we were friends- and we all know i don’t like to admit that, but we were. we were out there living up to our mother’s expectations, their reputations. doing little acts of evil every day. and they were fun. we had fun, we had so much fun. 

          and the other thing i don’t like to admit and if you repeat this to anyone, i’ll string you up without your skin on, i cared. i liked mal, i didn’t want to see her hurt or dead- which was a novelty for the isle, y’know? 

           so, we were out there, middle of summer- because that was the only time we got to spend time together since we were at different schools- having fun, playing pranks, doing evil. we were unchallengable, we were queens. at the time it felt like people feared us. they didn’t, they feared our moms. but it was fun to watch them fall for our tricks and then leave without telling us off cause they couldn’t risk it. 

            we had our bucket of slime, to force people to slip on the docks. but the problem with being two headstrong kids, told they were destined for greatness and ruling- well, it kinda puts the idea in your head that you should be in charge. and we both wanted to be. so, we fought over the bucket, over who was gonna get to pull the prank and, well. they say pride comes before a fall and mal fell hard, the slime had gone everywhere and she slipped over. 

             and that was hilarious. flopping around on the deck like a just caught fish, who wouldn’t laugh? but things got serious pretty fast when she slid off the dock and into the water, or so i thought. mal can’t swim, i know that, so i go racing over to the edge to see if i can see her in the water, to see if i can get to her. but there’s nothing. no splash, no ripples, no frantic kicking around- which is the fastest way to draw crocodiles or sharks to ya- there was just water. 

            she’d saved herself, of course, grabbed something under the dock and managed to pull herself up to safety. i was so happy to see her. but that would be the last time i would be. i checked she was okay, and she was, but... she blamed me. she was mad at me for laughing. so she’d grabbed a bucket of rotting shrimp and covered me in it. 

             started mocking me for being smaller than her, started calling me names. she wasn’t my friend, anymore. maybe she never had been. but it didn’t stop there. because everyone was so scared of maleficent, and of mal. they were in charge. she was in charge. and she held a grudge. other people tagged onto it. they’d point and laugh. they’d call me shrimpy just like she had.

              i couldn’t get the smell out of my hair. it wouldn’t go, no matter how much i washed it, no matter how hard i tried. but that wasn’t the worst thing that happened. not by a long shot. 

              this new idea, that i was inferior, that i was weak and small and fair game in a way i’d never been before ended up ruining me. mal had proved that people didn’t have to fear me, and my ma proved that they didn’t have to fear her either. nothing happened. there was no show down, no water and fire explosion from bargain castle. she told me i should have been better, should have been stronger. 

               and so everyone knew. my ma wasn’t going to protect me, mal sure as hell wasn’t gonna protect me and i was a ten year old girl with no magic. what could i do? 

               for a long time the answer was nothing. i endured the nickname, i endured other people throwing rotting shrimp, fish and anything else they wanted at me in the streets. it never stopped. everything on the isle is a competition, the aim is to not be the lowest or the weakest and mal had declared me both, so there was a line of people eager to please her, or eager to prove that they were better than someone. better than me. through words, or through violence. they proved it. over and over again. 

            it went on for years. until i’d had enough, until i said no more. until i took up arms, picked up a sword and a bad attitude and demanded that everyone stop and listen to me for a change. i fought my way to the top- literally. i made sure people knew that they had to fear me, that calling me that name would get them hurt and hurt bad, that thinking i was weak or incapable would be the last mistake they ever made. and i thrived on it. 

             i fell a long way, i hit rock bottom, and then i pulled myself out. i carved out every hole for my hands and feet myself and i climbed out of the pit mal had pushed me into. and i made sure no-one could ever do that to me again. 

             people think i’m wrong to distrust mal, or to hate her for what she did. but she was my best friend, i trusted her, i liked her, i cared about her and in the end it turned out she was just using me. she didn’t care about me and she was willing to do anything, including step on me and kick me when i was down, to push herself to the top. she might not have meant for it to go as far as it did, but she started it, so she can damn well face the consequences of her actions. but clearly i’m the only person who thinks that. auradon loves her. the isle loves her. it would be nice if just once they could see who she really is. ”

#this is so important to uma and the way i write her #thanks anon for giving her the chance to talk about this #i say anon i'm pretty sure it was jo #⤪ 𝒊 𝒂𝒎 𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒎 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒏 ⊰ character study. ⊱ #⤪ 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒔 ⊰ answered. ⊱ #⤪ 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆? ⊰ meta. ⊱ #⤪ 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒇𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒓 ⊰ headcanon. ⊱

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕌𝕡♡

Hi! Can I have a male KNB matchup? She/Her. I have a small body and even smaller chest which I used to be fine with but now frustrates me. My butt makes up for it though. I also have wide hips so even though I’m skinny I still have some shape which could pass off as slim-sexy.

I’m introverted and reserved. I prefer to spend time by myself just reading. To most, I’m unassuming, shy, and incapable of carrying myself out there or doing assigned task. That’s because I’m easily flustered and embarrassed. It’s not like I can’t talk to guys at all, but I’m very conscious of them particularly if it’s someone I like. I’m not a pushover though. I’m actually very unlike what outsiders think of me as (kind & sweet). Although I’m those things too, I’m really a strong-headed person and very opinionated. I’m not one to take shit from anybody. I try to hold my feelings in for the sake of others, but I’m not a patient person by any means. So I say what’s on my mind, not often guilty that it makes me seem like a warfreak or disrespectful. I don’t give chances easily. I don’t trust someone again who committed a serious mistake knowing that once that person has done it once, he could do it again.

I’m a harsh critique on a variety of things like fictions, arts, movies. I don’t like wasting time by lingering on badly written/drawn ones. I’m also a harsh judge of people. Maybe because I have inferiority complex that’s why sometimes I can’t help but bring people down. I’m a selfish and spiteful person. Sometimes I’m incorrigible to the point that I toy around with people if they pissed me off enough. Maybe it’s because I’ve always felt like I don’t matter as much simply because I’m younger than everybody which makes me act out. You could say I’m the black sheep of the family. I feel like I’m not good enough and I’m so bothered that I haven’t accomplished anything at all in life. I’m jealous of other people when they’re better than I am. I think of myself as a dark person due to my personality and my thoughts. I have lots of insecurities and could really get in a slump for weeks. I can’t talk to anybody about these things which is why I get depressed and lonely sometimes.

I’m lazy and sloppy and disorganized, but when I put my mind to it I’m actually a harder worker than anybody which makes me happy when I get acknowledgement for it. I’m quite ambitious. On good days, I’m quite normal and actually amenable and pleasant. My dad and I are often not on good terms, but I’m happy when I get to spend some time with my other family members since those moments are rare. I get happy when I get to buy a good book, or a notebook because I keep a diary and also write a few things. I like survival games. I can be an airhead most of the time.

When it comes to my sexuality, I’m into guys but I admit I’ve admired a woman’s body and have fantasized about women too. But it’s all physical attraction since I’ve never liked a female romantically. I crush on guys easily. I’m drawn to bad boys (both the street-smart a**holes and the calculating, manipulative ones), but I also like cold and brooding tsundere guys. Romance is good too but I’m a closet pervert and quite adventurous with these things that’s why I prefer someone who’s dominating, a little arrogant (as long as they have something to be arrogant for) and can make me feel desirable.

I hope that’s okay and thank you!

»»————-　♡　————-««

Hello sweetie~! Thanks so much for requesting with us and I hope you’re doing okay~! I can most definitely do this match-up for you~! I hope you enjoy who I’ve paired you with~!

» » Admin Ko

𝕀 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙…

ʜɪᴍᴜʀᴏ ᴛᴀᴛꜱᴜʏᴀ

Quiet and reserved, Himuro mixes well with your introverted self. He has a decent understanding of how you think and feel when it comes to crowds of people, and enjoys the simple times with one’s self. Despite the assumptions of being shy with a lack of spark in initial meetings, Himuro has a knack for picking out individuals who aren’t exactly who they may seem to be from first glance.

He finds it endearing how you can be flustered and easily embarrassed when talking to someone of interest. Though of course he won’t admit it, but he does tend to get a tad jealous when your attention is anywhere but on him. As stated previously, Himuro has a knack for having a keen sense for the unexpected attitudes from people, and isn’t all too surprised to see the strong and opinionated person that comes forth from you. If anything, he’s able to combat that in his own calm and factual self. Though make no mistake, he can be wound up tightly in his own emotions as well.

With opinions and ideals, he’ll listen to what you have to say with respect, even if he happens to not agree with them, but there may be times where ideals and opinions clash and collide. Though of course a proper sit down and calm talk with one another will usually alleviate the situation. When it comes to mistakes, or wrong doings, Himuro-- in a sense-- is similar to you. Mainly in aspects of having a hard time trusting others, but being a touch more lenient on giving a second chance.

After all, he knows that individuals can gradually change and learn from their mistakes through time. Especially after witnessing the GoM being brought back to reality. As for critiquing works, Himuro is very much similar to you in those aspects. He won’t waste time on anything that doesn’t have a good or well developed plot with nicely written characters, but tends to hold back on judging others. Mainly because he understands that not all can achieve perfection on the first try.

With that, he tries to help ease and work with your inferiority complex. With his manipulative and cunning tactics, he’ll most definitely weave emotions into his facts that he gives you in hopes of helping you understand that there’s no point in bringing others down, when so many can help bring you up. He personally dislikes the toying of other people; mainly because it reminds him of his own past and others that he’s met while playing basketball, and doesn’t want you to be painted as a villain in others’ eyes. 

It’s without a doubt that Himuro will constantly be complimenting you or giving you genuine compliments in hopes of helping your self hate. The destruction and pain of that path being familiar to him, and he doesn’t want you to fall even further into it.

As for affection, he can be a bit of a taunting asshole. He most definitely enjoys seeing you riled up, and doesn’t mind indulging in giving you the affection you desire. Though a majority of the time, he can be a touch aloof and nonchalant when you try to gain his attention. Though trust he won’t really let you out of his sight. He’s more than clever enough to keep a game of cat and mouse going for as long as he’d like. 

#match-ups #matchup #submissions #anime matchup #submission #knb matchup #knb x reader #tatsuya himuro x reader

[queenjunoking]

Wolf Taming Pt 15

CW: Noncon - Shock Collar - Pain - Petplay - Drugs - Kidnapping  - Manipulation  

Sasha was giving me a wary look. I couldn’t blame her. But I wanted to start the morning by getting her as off balance as possible. A simple question that would shape the day.

"Well? Speak." The silence was going on for a bit too long.

"Why? I see you upgraded this prison last night and now you're offering to let me see the outside. Are you actually capable of feeling guilty? Trying to make amends for what you've been doing?" Sasha was already in a mood. I had hoped that getting at least a full night's rest would make her less irritable.

"That's a lot of words for a yes or not question Sasha. If you like it down here so much we don't have to go outside. We can stay down here today."

"N-" she flinched as she tried to talk. Sasha picked up on a lot of things quickly. She understood her new name. She knew I'd let her yap if I said she could speak. She just seemed incapable of learning when she was allowed to speak. It's not like I've given her a command or anything.

"Something to say girl? Speak." It was hard not to get a little drunk off the power. Here I was standing in front of this woman so much stronger than me, yet she was incapable of getting off her knees. It felt nice to have someone on their hands and knees in front of me. So strong yet so clearly inferior.

"I would like to go outside." She said what she knew I wanted to hear. So polite and courteous despite the words coming out from behind her clenched teeth like some pouty child.

"I'm going to give you a warning. You have to stick with your answer, no giving up. There are consequences if you don't follow the rules of the path you choose. I'll ask once more. Do you want to go outside or stay down here? You will have to earn going outside today. If you instead want to stay down here you won't get the option of seeing the sun again for a very long time. Speak."

I was doing my best to both push her towards the option I wanted her to choose. Not getting to be in the sunlight for a few months if she chose not to take my generous offer felt like a good motivator. It also helped to prepare her for today a bit. She knew she was giving up more going outside than staying here.

I saw the flame in Sasha wane for the moment. "I… want to go outside." She sounded dejected as the weight of her decision hit her.

"Good puppy. That's a great step forward for both of us. Just for that I'm turning off the yap shocker, just be careful about what you say. I’ll be back in a moment Sasha, I need to grab something for you." I walked into the toy room and grabbed the same mitts she wore before and a new ear headband. A prototype idea that I had bought from the market. Today was the perfect day to test it.

"Close your eyes Sasha so I can surprise you." I was a little surprised to see that she actually did it. "Guess what I brought you?"

"Something new to humiliate me with?" Sasha responded with a sigh. She was right, but why couldn't she be excited for it.

“Here I thought you were going to work with me today Sasha.” I was a bit unimpressed on how quickly she began to mope. But she knew what was on the line. She took a deep breath and smiled at me.

“You have so many… unique toys that I can’t even imagine what you have.”  Her voice suddenly took an upbeat tone. Happy and dripping with sarcasm. Despite her new tone, I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t know what half the stuff I wanted to use on her was. “What do you have… um…” She stumbled at the end, but I wasn’t sure why.

“Something wrong Sasha?” She kept her eyes shut, she didn’t want to disobey but she hit some kind of block.

“You brought me here… some time ago. I don’t know how much time has passed. You’ve chosen a name for me. But I don’t have a name for you." I could see her game. But she had a point. It would be good for her to have a way to refer to me.

"If you’re good for me I’ll give you a name to use in a bit. Open your eyes, Sasha." She opened them and looked at the gear I brought her. She tried her best to hide her disdain for the gear, but I could see she was dreading putting everything back on.

"What am I Sasha?" I was focused on getting her paws locked on so I wasn't looking at her, but I could tell there were probably a thousand very mean words she wanted to say. She stayed quiet though. "Speak your mind Sasha."

"Now you want me to speak my mind? Last time I did that you made me run until I dropped. You hurt me for speaking, you're probably waiting to find an excuse to hurt me again.” Sasha knew she was striking a nerve, I could hear that matter-of-factness in her voice. I wasn’t waiting to hurt her. Not that it wouldn’t enjoy it if the opportunity arose. She was right on some level though, I had lost my temper.

“You’re right Sasha. Well, sort of. I’m not looking for an excuse to hurt you. You’d never get a shock again if you fell in line. But, I did the wrong thing last night and lost my temper.” I sat on the floor in front of the cage so I could be eye level with Sasha. Maybe lowering myself to her level would help sell my apology. “I spent a lot of time creating that room for you and what you said about it hurt my feelings and I lost my temper when it shouldn’t have bothered me. There’s not much I can do to make it up to you.” 

“You could let me go.” She suggested the idea for what seemed to be the millionth time, but this time she sounded happy and chipper about it.

I just ignored her and continued. It wasn’t worth the time to acknowledge what she said. "I'm hoping today will be a nice day. If all goes according to plan you'll get to go outside and enjoy the breeze and the sunshine.”

“I had those things but you brought me down here instead.” There was some bitterness in her voice she was trying to hide. She wanted to use a matter-of-fact tone, to try and tell me why I was doing “bad things.” The bitterness undercut her attempt.

“I thought you weren’t going to be difficult.” I  reached through the bars and placed the new ears on her head. Her protests were amusing. There was no real strength behind them, she was afraid of pushing too hard and making me snap again. But if she wasn’t going to try and tell me that I should let her go she may as well just give up, and luckily Sasha wasn’t a quitter.

She sighed and examined her hands, locked away safely inside of her paws. “So is this what you do? Just go around kidnapping people for your weird fetish? Are there other people here fulfilling some other fantasy? Like some kind of… whatever.” It was fun watching her overextend herself when she went on her little rants. It was cute when she hit a point that showed she really didn’t know anything about what she was upset over.

“I’m guessing you weren’t really a porn person? You seem to be struggling to name a kink. I could name a few off for you and see how much you can intuit from the names. Either way, you only get one question like that a day. If you’re good today you can choose to ask that tonight.” She shot me a glare. I thought I was being helpful, I’d love to show her just how little she knew.

“W-whatever can we just… do whatever it is you wanted to do to me.” She started off embarrassed but unfortunately she was dejected at the end.

“No need to lose that enthusiasm. You make it sound like I’m forcing your hand. Like you don’t have a choice in the matter.” I was giving her more choices than she should have. She was lucky to have me, any other owner would never have given her such generous options. None of them would have let her stay herself. She should be happy she was even able to act like a brat.

“Like I dont... you’re a kidnapper!” She looked at me like I had just told her the dumbest thing in her life. Perhaps it wasn’t an unfair reaction.

“I think that’s a bit harsh of a term. I had you picked up like a stray dog on the street and you were brought to me. I rescued you if nothing else. Technically I didn’t even rescue you from the streets. Technically some very… nice people I paid very well, who you hurt very, badly did. Not that I care much. Costed me an extra grand for each one of them that was injured but what’s four thousand dollars in the grand scheme of things?” It cut into my toy budget a bit, but it was worth it. If I hadn’t hired as many as I did Sasha might not be here right now. She may have easily gotten away and I would have lost my only chance. If you’re burned you don’t get to try again; those were the rules.

“Fo-four thousand dollars? You spent four thousand dollars to kidnap me?” It’s like she wasn’t even listening. Who would go through the effect to take someone for a measly four thousand dollars?

I wasn’t able to contain a chuckle. “Four thousand dollars was the extra I had to pay because of all the bones you broke. Bringing you here cost much, much more than that. But that doesn’t matter. I have entertained more than enough of your questions. I let you get snippy with me but I expect the chipper attitude you had when I was having you guess what I brought you. You will do what I say and I expect minimum expectation.”

“But…” she started and trailed off. 

“But what Sasha?” I raised an eyebrow, waiting to see what she was going to complain about.

“You… never answer my question on what to call you.” Her response was measured. She was digging for some kind of information, hoping I was dumb enough to just give her my name. “Without having something to call you it makes it difficult to answer some questions in the manner you want them to be. You know everything about me somehow, but I know nothing about you.”

Sasha made fair points. It’s one of the many reasons I loved her. So level headed and calculating while she was locked in a cage. I had gotten on a tangent and forgotten to get back to her question.

I wouldn’t be giving her my name of course. Most of us had a different name we chose when we joined the group, only used between each other and our property. I never bothered with it, it seemed pointless at the time. I could see why it was useful now. Though, even if I had one I’m not sure I wanted to give it to Sasha. Letting her use my name was a bit too much, a wolf doesn’t need to know their owner’s name.

Titles were the obvious choice. I had no official titles, just irrelevant epithets. Goddess was popular among those I saw that had an overly inflated ego. It wasn’t a title that fit me though. I wasn’t above everyone else, everyone else was simply below me. That was the difference. Miss was cute and what I had considered applying to have put on my file, but it set the wrong tone here. Mistress was closer in the right direction. It was a commanding title but it didn’t feel right to me. There was nothing wrong with it but it just wasn’t what I wanted.

There was one I could think of that fulfilled everything I wanted. Maybe it wasn’t as graceful as miss and it didn’t give off the same vibes as mistress. But it was the one I wanted Sasha to refer to me as.

“Master.” Short, succinct and immediately rectifies any power imbalance when she was allowed to talk.

It caught her off guard. “What? That’s not wha-” 

I cut her off. She wanted my name, not this title. I could see from the look on her face she already knew she made a mistake by letting me choose what she called me. All those awful names that went through her head earlier, everything she wanted to call me was gone. She now had a name for me. The only one that would ever matter.

“You will refer to me as Master. Understood?” I stood up straight and did what I could to make myself as big as possible. As intimidating as I could be. Showing her the phone so she remembered I could shock her at any point probably helped.

“Y-yes.” She looked at my phone, then at the floor.

“Yes what?” I prompted her to correct herself.

“Yes… Master.”

[imagine-loki]

Beauty and the Beast

TITLE: Beauty and the Beast CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 25/? AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki is under a spell that will return him to his Aesir one if he learns to accept himself for who he is RATING: T (so far)  NOTES/WARNINGS: Also on AO3 here

“How dare you kick me out of my own room!” Morgan shouted at Tony, all puffed up in her rage.  “I am not a child to be locked out of adult conversations, especially when they’re about me!” she raged.  “Nor am I an invalid, just because I’m blind,”

Tony wrapped his arms around her.  “I know.  And I’m sorry.  I never want you to feel that way, and I never meant to make you feel that way, but Reindeer Games and I needed to come to an understanding,” Tony explained.  Morgan knew it was hard for her father to express his emotions, especially so openly, so she also knew that he meant the words.  He hadn’t wanted to hurt her.  And she didn’t particularly feel like fighting with him.  Especially if he and Loki were going to get along. 

“I hope you two weren’t destroying my windows trying to throw each other out of them,” she grumbled, but was at least less puffed up, which made Loki smile, though of course Morgan couldn’t see that.  

Loki chuckled.  “We just talked, my darling,” he told Morgan warmly, his voice reassuring.

Morgan smiled at him in return.  “Good,”

“We agreed to be civil to one another. That is the best we could agree on,” Loki replied.

Morgan laughed, her mood finally improved.  “That’s impressive enough from you two,” she teased, truly impressed that they could manage that much.  Before Tony could change his mind and try to kill Loki, Morgan linked her arm in his. “C’mon, let me tell you all about Asgard,” she enticed him to be nice to her Loki with new knowledge as she dragged Tony into her living room to tell him all about Asgard.

/Shall I leave you two alone so you can catch up?/ Loki asked, not wanting to interrupt their reunion.  

/ I don’t mean to kick you out or ignore you, I thought it best to get his attention off you for awhile/ Morgan replied apologetically. 

/It’s alright. I think you two need some time to yourselves anyway/

/You’re right. I just didn’t want you to feel unloved or slighted/ Loki always felt unloved and slighted by Odin, by the Asgardians.  Morgan never wanted him to feel that way because of her.  

/I’m not/ he replied warmly, glad that she cared for him enough to be truly worried.  /Come find me when you finish chatting with your father/ he added warmly and kissed her cheek as he left the room so they could catch up without him in the way.  

/Will do/  she replied and settled on her couch with Tony to spend the morning catching up with her dad.  

*

Much later that day, Morgan entered Loki’s room with no more than a tap on his door as warning.  Loki was used to such interruptions from her by then and just greeted her warmly. He looked up and saw her cane on its loop on her wrist, holding lunch for them both.  “Thought you’d be hungry. Bucky and Wanda both whined that you haven’t come to see them yet,” she informed him as she sat on the couch with him.  

Loki chuckled.  “I’ll come see them later. i just needed some time to myself,” he smiled warmly at her as he helped her sit down and set out the food she’d brought them.  He made sure she was sitting as close to him on the couch as possible.  She always felt better when she was touching him, when she knew exactly where he was.  

“How was catching up with your father?” he asked as they began to eat. 

“Surprising him is always such fun,” she replied with a giggle.  “He didn’t want to believe I’m Asgardian. Or have magic,” she laughed, imagining the look on his face, though she hadn’t been able to see it.  

Loki laughed as well, enjoying her mirth.  “I assume he didn’t take the news too well?” he wished then that he’d stayed in the room so he could’ve seen the look on Stark’s face. 

“He’s getting over it. With help of alcohol,” she groaned at that and at her next words.  “But I have to go into the office tomorrow,” she grumbled.  She was not looking forward to that. 

Loki couldn’t help being curious at that.  “What for?” she hadn’t had to go in for the time that he knew her besides a couple lunch meetings with Pepper, which were meetings with her soon-to-be step-mother, not the company.

“Because the board of directors haven’t seen that I’m still alive since the accident. And definitely not since I’ve been out of the hospital,” she rolled her eyes, still grumbling.  “So I have to go be the polite proper heiress…”

“Would you like me to join you?” he hated the idea of going to Stark’s company in Jotun form, but he was willing to do anything she asked of him.  Within reason, of course, but then Morgan wouldn’t ask for anything that was unreasonable. She just didn’t have it in her. 

“Maybe if you weren’t so against leaving the tower,” she teased.  He hated leaving the tower unless absolutely necessary, which is why they’d barely left the tower since she’d moved in.  “I’m sure Happy will drive me if dad or Pepper don’t do it themselves. And dad will be in the office tomorrow too.  I’ll be perfectly safe,” she reassured him and kissed his cheek.  

Loki nodded, accepting that she would be safe.  “If you need me, you only have to call,” he reminded her and tapped her head to indicate that he meant telepathically. He would have tapped his own head, but she wouldn’t have seen it, so he had to tap hers instead.  There were a lot of quirks and changes to his behavior he’d had to make to accommodate her, but he just enjoyed learning more about her.  

She nodded.  “Sounds like a plan,” she agreed and leaned in to kiss him.  He happily met her halfway, purring into the kiss.  She smirked when she broke it.  “Now who’s the kitten?” she teased at his purring.  

He smirked and she could hear it in his words when he spoke next.  “Still you,” he teased right back.

“Uh-huh. You’re the purring one,” she accused with a smirk.

“But you sleep like a cat and you purr when I run my fingers through your hair while you sleep,” he informed her, which made her puff up indignantly. Loki found her puffed up grumpiness adorable.  And felt the urge to tell her so. “You really are adorable, love,”

She smiled brightly and hugged him.  “I would compliment your appearance, but that is a useless endeavor at this juncture.  So I’ll go with ‘you’re sweet’ instead,” she told him warmly.  He chuckled and hugged her tightly to him, kissing the top of her head. 

The pair enjoyed a quiet afternoon together until Jarvis announced that dinner was ready.  Morgan took Loki’s arm, used to letting him lead her and the pair headed downstairs and to dinner.  Loki walked her to the table and pulled out her chair for her, helping her sit, not because she was blind, but because she was a lady.  She knew the difference.  

Most of the others look surprised at the tenderness with which Loki cared for Morgan.  They were all surprised as well by how he treated her as capable and not inferior just for being disabled. He knew how it felt to be viewed as inferior and refused to treat her as less capable. 

Since he was smarter than the others and didn’t treat her as inferior or incapable, when she did get overwhelmed at keeping track of the number of people and dishes on the table it was Loki she turned to to ask for help “Liam? Would you mind passing me the pot of chili?” she asked when her bowl was empty. She was still adjusting to being Asgardian and having to eat like one. 

Loki smiled and grabbed it for her, setting it within her reach and taking her hand when she reached, placing it on the ladle.  

She gave him a bright smile in return.  “Thank you,” she replied as she refilled her bowl.

The reactions from the others ranged from whining that they would’ve gotten it for her between them whining that they would’ve gotten it or refilled her bowl to exclamations of “Liam?????” Though Thor just chuckled.

Loki calmly kissed Morgan’s cheek before returning to his meal.  

“Kid? You do know that’s Loki right?” Barton asked. She had called him Liam and hadn’t met him before she moved back to the tower after going blind.  Maybe she was confused.

Morgan burst into helpless giggles.  “Since I’ve been kissing him I should hope it’s Loki,” 

#Loki #Lover #Submitted fic #submission #Beauty and the Beast #chapter 25 #nekoamamori

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 116: Gem Heist

“We won’t stand out if we play the roles we were made for.”

There’s nothing like a good heist. You’d think a plot with such a consistent formula (build a team, go over a plan, execute the plan and adapt to its inevitable failures) would get stale, but consider for a moment that Inception and Fast Five premiered within a year of each other, and are both heists following the same general beats, but they’re fully different experiences. I’m not gonna say which one is better, but only one of them has a car chase where a car is chained to a giant safe and uses it like a wrecking ball, so.

In some ways, Gem Heist drops the ball on what I want from a heist: there’s barely a planning stage, and the team is already together, so it’s all about the execution and the wrenches thrown at our heroes. But while it’s hardly the caper I hoped for from the title, I can’t help but admire how it takes the tropes associated with heists and uses them to comment on Gem society.

A heist is all about specialists with clear jobs. Safecrackers, getaway drivers, demolitions experts, con artists, the whole point is getting a bunch of talented people who are each essential to the group. This element is only briefly touched upon in the traditional sense in Gem Heist, with Steven referring to Pearl as “our hacker,” but in its place, our heroes must succeed by putting themselves into the very roles they escaped by becoming Crystal Gems. Sapphire is a wise advisor and Ruby a disposable bodyguard, and the two must be separated. Amethyst must be huge. Pearl must be lowly servant. And Steven, who can’t exactly take the leadership position of his Gem parent, must play the dumb human.

This conceit drives the episode and makes it unexpectedly solid in terms of characterization, given how bland its plot ends up being. This is basically an episode about walking through a hallway, and instead of a third act we just get two minutes transitioning Steven to the Zoo that could’ve been spent in our next episode (or heavily cut). Even Adventures in Light Distortion feels more meaningful from a sheer plotting standpoint, and that was literally just getting the Crystal Gems from Point A to B. But because of how fascinating the characters are to watch when forced into the positions they’d be stuck in had they not rebelled, I’m able to enjoy what would otherwise be a slog of an episode.

The surprise lead of Gem Heist is Sapphire, who takes charge of the situation right away and finally shines on her own. Ruby got a head start in Jailbreak in terms of screentime, and takes up more room when the two are together thanks to her louder personality, and has a whole squad of counterparts to define herself against, so I love seeing a focus on Garnet’s quiet half. 

Sapphire’s serene baseline is portrayed so well by Erica Luttrell that she’s often played comically straight (her casually agreeing to call Steven “Esteban” is a great example here), but we already know from Keystone Motel that she’s more than just her calmness. It’s great to see her lose her cool so early in the episode, putting up a confident front while planning but getting frazzled with its inevitable failure before the team even disembarks. I wouldn’t quite call her a ham in the way Ruby and Peridot can be, but her overacting while narrating her activities to warn her friends of danger is wonderful. And of course, she gifts us with the universe’s cutest wink.

Charlyne Yi always brings a lot to the table as Ruby, and while she’s had more to do than Luttrell after Hit the Diamond, this is the first time since then that she’s voiced our Ruby. The line of the night is her furious declaration that Blue Diamond “hates fusion and love?”—it’s such a horrible thought that Ruby treats it like a question rather than a statement, because how hating something as good as love even possible? Still, Ruby’s bigger highlight is all in the animation as she runs up a locked door, claws at it while screaming, and admits defeat when this doesn’t immediately work.

Pearl also benefits from the visuals, which portray her humiliations in ways Deedee Magno Hall can’t in the moment due to her needing to be quiet. Which isn’t to say Magno Hall doesn’t do a lot with what she’s given, going from embarrassed and deferential around Holly Blue Agate to pissed off while alone with the Crystal Gems. And while Amethyst is the first Crystal Gem to go, Michaela Dietz picks up the baton from Yi and Magno Hall to play other amethysts; it’s neat to hear her turn down the playfulness for gruffness without completely removing the prankster edge from her voice. And what we do see from Amethyst is a reasonable amount of nervousness around a first encounter with her peers, which pays off wonderfully in That Will Be All (as does the actual sentence “That will be all” that Pearl will soon get the chance to redirect).

Steven is surprisingly low-key here, all things considered, but I suppose with all the focus he gets in the first two episodes of this arc, as well as our next one, it makes sense to look more deeply at the Gems; after all, they’re the ones who were born into an oppressive class structure that they must temporarily return to (give or take an Amethyst, but she still has plenty of issues stemming from societal expectations). He’s got some decent jokes, and dominates the last part of the episode when separated from the Gems, but the last part of the episode is so boring that I don’t really care. 

Still, none of these characters would have the chance to shine without Holly Blue Agate, who comes in hot and seems physically incapable of chilling the hell out. Christine Pedi voices Holly in just two episodes of the original series, but boy does she know how to leave a mark. After seeing Homeworld loyalists from the bottom of the totem pole in Peridot and the rubies, a Homeworld loyalist who’s a known hero in Jasper, and two leaders of Homeworld in Yellow and Blue Diamond, we encounter perhaps the worst kind of zealot: middle management.

Holly Blue Agate is the Dolores Umbridge of Steven Universe. She’s not given the stage to become main villain material, but she sure knows how to be the most detestable kind of miniboss we could hope for. She’s a shameless sycophant whose worship of Gems she considers superior is matched only by her disdain for those she sees as beneath her, but because she actually has some authority, she’s able to be far more tyrannical than the likes of Peridot. She’s hardcore lawful evil on the classic alignment chart, but if we allow for variation to the classics, I’d consider her more petty evil than anything.

With one character, we personify the entire toxic class structure that the Crystal Gems were born to defy. And with every word, Holly Blue proves that our heroes were correct to abandon this caste system. She’s flippant in her physical abuse, and wears her bigotry as a point of pride, taking glee in enforcing the inferiority of every Gem around her but Sapphire, who earns the same kind of swooning she applies to Blue Diamond. This is all performed under the thin disguise of politeness, because again, this is Umbridge we’re dealing with. She yells that there’s no yelling allowed, then gets mad when an amethyst corrects herself by being too quiet. She either pretends to not understand human speech or genuinely doesn’t get that Steven is talking (I could get into a whole thing about the necessity of an unrealistic translator for the Gems, but first off they’re magic so unrealistic things are fine, and second off what’s clearly more important here is Holly’s attitude).

It’s almost a shame we don’t get more of Holly Blue, because she may be loathsome, but she’s the compelling kind of loathsome that makes an excellent villain. Aquamarine is similar in feigned sweetness and cruelty, but Holly lacks that Cartman-inspired awareness of how miserable she is, which makes her less extreme and more relatable to real-life monsters in our daily lives who are blind to their own awfulness. At least she gets one more episode to be horrible and receive some decent comeuppance for her behavior in Gem Heist.

As I’ve said, the actual story here is pretty dull. We get some hints at lore, as it’s now pretty clear that the Era 2 referred to by Peridot was separated from Era 1 by the death of Pink Diamond. We get further indirect characterization of Blue Diamond with Holly Blue Agate’s praise and Ruby and Sapphire’s scorn. And the final sequence, while feeling tacked on, at least gets some neat usage out of what looks like the same tech as Peridot’s gone-but-not-forgotten robofingers. But if not for the stark reminder of why the Crystal Gems’ ability to decide their lives is important, this would be one of the least consequential episodes of the series. Plenty of episodes have great characterization, this is Steven Universe after all, but most of those also bring more to the table.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

Second episode since Gem Harvest to feature the Floridoverse as the main promo, and while it’s a little unclear whether this is another Floridoverse promo where a new adult character is portrayed as a teacher (Holly’s uniform vaguely resembles Greg’s and Ruby’s) I’m gonna go ahead and hope the intent is for her to be a student because man, that vibe on a peer is in some ways even worse than on a superior.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Lousy plotting really knocks this one down, considering how great an actual heist could’ve been, but the character work barely scrapes this from an episode I don’t care about to one I enjoy. It straddles the line between Like ‘em and Enh, but I’ll be nice this time.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Steven’s Dream

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Adventures in Light Distortion

Gem Heist (barely!)

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

No Thanks!

     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

#gem heist #steven universe #su #steven universally #review

[ooc-miqojak]

Not so Nice: 15-20 (sorry I’m too lazy to copy and paste all that so I leave it to you)

15. Who do they hate the most?Her last lover. He manipulated the shit out of her on lots of levels, but it was the…intent to lead her on and make her believe she was loved and accepted, in order to groom her as…a weapon? A tool? A trophy? He was as bad as the demon who’d tortured and warped her…but he was an elf. He gave her hope. And that…that fucked her up. 

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior?Given the small pool of people she knows…well, Aelberyn of @ourcollectivefantasy . She always has. Both nobles, Lily bucked tradition growing up, and is now in a position as an adult where she wishes she’d paid attention; and Aelberyn leads with poise and grace. She’s well-educated, keeps her cool, doesn’t let her emotions rule her, and honestly just carries herself like a queen…and she still manages to find time to relax, and have fun. She’s funny, beautiful, powerful in the Light - and in years prior, this rubbed Lily the wrong way. She’s very heart on her sleeve, and is ruled by her emotions. She and Ael are fundamentally different, and Ael keeping it all together so easily (well, at least it looks easy from the outside) was frustrating for someone who can’t keep anything together for long. These days, that jealousy has morphed more into respect for Ael’s capabilities as a person, priestess, and noblewoman. A grudging respect that she could have(/can?) learn from this person, and she admittedly tries to emulate her where nobility is concerned. 17. What sound always gives them a headache?

I have thought long and hard on this, and I have no idea what it would be, in the WoW universe. Loud construction outside your window at 8AM isn’t a thing in Azeroth really. And no ‘sounds’ really give me a headache IRL even. Things annoy me briefly, but I can easily tune them out? Maybe she does, as well.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them?Mint. It is for brushing your teeth. That’s it. :P

19. Do they consider themselves ugly?Weird answer - yes and no. Previously she suffered with intense body dysmorphia thanks to a shitty person in her past with the Blood Knights that sort of fucked her up on what is acceptable. With demonic tampering, now, her body doesn’t really…change a lot - as related to gaining/losing weight and physical fitness. So where she was hyper aware of what she ate and how much exercise she put herself through afterwards, previously…well, these days it just doesn’t matter. She was ‘crafted’ to look and be a certain way because it benefits the hunt. There are severe downsides to this, and the ways in which she needs to supplement her…diet, now; hint, they’re not nice things. But hey! She doesn’t hate her body (as much). And she doesn’t worry about her diet as much, either. Though it’s hard to shut the alarm bells off upstairs, after so long. These days it’s not so much ‘oh my horns are ugly.’ It’s wishing other people could come to accept her and see her as beautiful in this changed form she bears now.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable? Pretty much. She looks like those elves they fought when their prince went mad. She’s got demon horns on prominent display - among other things not on display. The people who loved her previously, through lots of things, don’t anymore. She’s fucked up a lot, and figures that’s what she is - a corrupted creature incapable of being loved.

#thanks for the asks #these took thought #I still couldn't answer one of them #she's kind of a downer

[murasakiyuzu]

List your top 5 Anime Characters, then tag 10 people

thanks for tagging me @glassmoonfortuneteller! sorry it took be a while to do this lmao -w-

in no particular order bc that would kill me:

1. Oikawa Tooru (Haikyuu!!)

i love every single character in this heckin anime, but oikawa rly messes up w all my feelings. im too weak for characters w gap moe, even if its the ‘looks very nice, is actually a bit of a demon’ kind and not the other way around, lmao. the thing abt oikawa is that he twists in and out of himself; he is handsome, charismatic and endearing at first glance, but hes also cunning and easily overcome by feelings of jealousy, inferiority and egoism. even so, hes an observant and hardworking leader who places his strength on the strength of his team as a whole, never thinking himself higher than his teammates. oikawa looks like he got everything easily, looks like hes a genius, but everything he has he worked very hard for. oikawa built himself to be a winner but never got the victory he wanted the most. nothing w oikawa is as it looks, and that why i cant help but love him.

2. Noiz (DRAMAtical Murder)

u knew he was going to be here, its gotta count for something that i, at least, didnt put him on number 1 too lmAO

just like oikawa, i fell victim to noizs gap moe as well. i mean, u give me a delinquent in weird clothes whos rude to everyone, pushy and even violent, and then turns out hes like a little kid at heart who buys foods without knowing their names, who doesnt know when to stop fighting bc he doesnt feel pain and no one ever cared abt his safety and thinks hes a monster bc of his insensitivity and silently suffers bc of it, ofc im gonna lay down my life for him. im gonna die for noiz ya hear me

theres not many scenes in anything that fucks me up more than the scene (that didnt make into the anime, sob) where he fights w aoba as theyre hiding in the oval tower, and then he tells aoba abt his insensitivity to pain and aoba pulls him down to him and tells noiz the world isnt as bad as he thinks and makes noiz slowly open up to him and learn from aoba how is it like to care abt someone else. its beautiful to see him, whos so young but is both hardened by the ugliness of the world hes seen and ignorant to the good things the world still has to offer, finally open himself up and make the first steps towards growth, and meaning to grow beside the one he fell in love with. im soft. my heart was found full of love.

3. Olivier Mira Armstrong (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood)

ive been in love w this woman since i first read the manga and when i watched the anime i died, thats the story

just like haikyuu!!, i love every single character in this anime, like, im physically Incapable of hating any of them. but olivier stands out for me. i think theres people who prolly had a bad impression from her as she antagonized ed and al right when she showed up, but young me was in awe of her attitude and her strong resolve in seeing for herself what ed and al were worth. shes known as ‘the ice queen of briggs’ and she leads her men with an iron fist, but its also clear that shes fair and values the life of every one of her subordinates, like when buccaneer and the others were late in coming back to the surface after their rescue mission and thought they would be left for dead, only to find that olivier had subtly made sure they would be received any time they came back.

her confidence in her own judgement, how she dealt w miles’ conflict as an amestris soldier and part ishvallan and the way she doesnt rly give a fuck abt whats lawful and correct and goes through with the things she herself considers right, are all things i love so much abt her. when i was a kid i even tried to get my hair to be like hers LMAO

tldr; queen of my life

4. Kinomoto Sakura (Cardcaptor Sakura)

cardcaptor sakura was my first true anime. i did watch saint seiya and naruto on tv around that time as well, but cardcaptor sakura was the first one i actually watched in full and then rewatched again and again and obsessed over, lmao.

i was rly, rly young then. not a baby anymore, def; i was about 10-12? it was an age at which i was building my own personality. honestly, at that point in time i think i was already kinda Messed Up, lmao; id get on Moods and be rly depressed and then super cranky, and i was always socially awkward. sakura made a huge impression on me; it just seemed like her attitude made everything better. she talked to everyone and had lots of friends and it seemed like she had a lot of fun like that. i tried to be more cheerful like that (i wanted roller blades too but i dont live in a place where i can use it a lot, and my parents never bought it for me lmao), and while i never got the hang of being super bright to Everyone and im still kind of moody, i think she rly taught me to be lighter and not take myself too seriously, to always try to see the bright side of things and believe that everything will be alright.

5. Nino (ACCA: 13-ku Kansatsu-ka)

thats not an anime a lot of people watched, i think, and on that note, if @ u all didnt watch it, GO WATCH ACCA ITS SO GOOD UR LOSING OUT???, so theres prolly not a lot of people who would put nino in their top 5 favorite characters lmao

but hes absolutely worthy of it. its fascinating to see the mystery of his identity and actions throughout the anime slowly unravel itself. i even wrote a oneshot that delved into what he was doing and what he was thinking as the events of the show progressed, trying to fill the blanks that the canon didnt show. ill try not to be spoilery w this one bc i want u all to find out for urselves, but i love ninos intelligence, his attitude and his strong loyalty, and in that loyalty, the conflict he feels between his duty and his desire. the episode that shows his past is one of my favorites bc its so heartrending. i love how naturally he fits in with jean and lotta and how the three of them look like a family. anyway, watch acca and love nino w me ♡

I’m tagging @lithuanina, @satyr-syd, @realm-of-spells, and thats it bc im not in contact w a lot of people and tumblr is apparently not letting me tag some others either lmao rip

#feel free to ignore -v- #mumbling yuzu