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alreadyblondenow · 2 months

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Virgin as you can be | Lee Taeyong (TEASER)

✦ Taeyong x Female Reader

✦ Smut, filthy, fluff and Angst. Mature College AU

✦ 1/2 Taeyong Smut Series: I found you

Summary: More than friends but less than lovers. Taeyong meets you, a virgin, through an online dating app and offered you a once in a lifetime opportunity. An opportunity to have fun and enjoy your last year in college differently. Knowing that you’re a virgin, Taeyong plans on keeping it that way for as long as he wanted to. He’s taking his sweet time until he finally takes your virginity.

Warnings: This is pure fiction, this is the filthiest most smuttiest fic I’ve ever written, foreplay galore, use of sex toys like vibrator and dildo, mentions of pills, the reader will someday use pills in the story, oral sex, nipple play, oil massage, mentions of alcohol.

A/N: if you enjoyed the story, please leave something in my inbox and tell me how you feel. Also please support ‘TAP’, Taeyong’s masterpiece 🥹 I’m super proud of him!!!

Let me know if u want to be tagged!

He has been counting the days until he can see you again and spend time with you again. You are the only person in his mind, thinking about what you’re doing every second of the day. He misses you, but he can’t put it into words. He tries to compose a message, but ends up deleting it until he’s already busy again… and he never got the chance to send the text.

“Dude, just finish the fashion week then spend time with her again” Johnny says, as someone who’s been in a long distance relationship.

“So this is what long distance—“ Taeyong did not finish his sentence.

“you two are in a relationship?” Johnny confirms, surprised at what Taeyong said. Jaehyun was all ears too while he’s on the chair for his hair and makeup.

“No” Taeyong defends. His voice automatically surrounded the room. “Were not in a relationship— were just having fun” Taeyong explains while he fixes his Loewe outfit that’s perfect already.

The fashion week is the busiest for Taeyong, you know this because Taeyong is a famous Loewe ambassador outside school… but oh you wish he could tell you that he’s busy, that he’s not available, that he’d call you back… but he never did. What do you expect?

You’re not his, and he’s not yours.

“So are you coming tonight?” Your friend asks you with a smirk. She doesn’t know about Taeyong, no one does. “Let’s go meet some boys???” She asks again.

This is a good opportunity to help yourself. Help yourself to forget the person who made you feel good in all the right places with just a single touch. An opportunity to forget someone who’s beyond perfect.

And you can’t have him.

Reality hits you.

“Yeah. I’ll come with you guys” you answered your friend with the most uninterested tone.

The night continued to be loud and wild, a perfect setting to forget about Taeyong even just for a few hours. You just wanted to stop missing him and his touch because you’re about to get crazy about him. It’s not that you’ve fallen in love with him already, it’s the feeling that he made you experience. Every secret. Every kiss, every touch. Everything in between… you became addicted to receiving it.

Shot by shot you drink everything until you blacked out and dozed off on the bar table. Your friends are clueless with how to bring you home because they’re drunk and wasted too. But suddenly you received a call.

A call that you’ve been waiting for weeks.

A call that will rescue you in your drunken state.

“Hi! This is not Y/n… but whoever you are. Can you pick her up at 127 bar? She’s drunk and so am I byeee….”

Taeyong was speechless over the phone while listening to your friend. But even so, he hurried himself and drove straight to 127 bar. Even though he’s tired, even though all he wanted to do is sleep… he chose to pick you up. Blushing on his way, excited to finally see you.

When he arrived you were the only one left sleeping at the bar, Taeyong was quick to cover you with his jacket and carefully walked you towards his car. Holding you close to him, not giving a fuck about anyone who sees him holding you. ‘Let them talk’ he thought. Right now he just wanted to keep you safe and drive you home.

It’s not that you weren’t aware that Taeyong is the one holding you right now, in fact, your embrace tightened when you smelled his expensive perfume. You knew it was Taeyong. But you were just so drunk that you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to him. All you could say is ‘I want to be with you’ and slept through the entire car ride.

The next day, the familiar broad shoulders of Taeyong is the first thing you saw the moment you opened your eyes. He was sleeping soundly, while holding your hand. You have the most space of his bed, while he was the one squeezing himself on the side. You felt sorry and pulled him gently, careful not to wake him up but you failed. He greeted you with sweet smile. The one that makes every girl in school crazy for him. But this time, you’re the only one seeing this beautiful smile first thing in the morning.

“Hi,” he started and pulled you closer to him. Wrapping his arms around you, kissing your forehead and feeling his heartbeat against his bare chest. This is the first time you see him bare like this even though you’ve done crazy things already. And you can’t help yourself to look at every tattoo he has, tracing it with your fingertips, leaving you speechless.

“Did you have a good time last night?” he added.

You feel like you needed to apologize so you told him the truth, about what you felt when he was away. About the things that keeps you awake at night, the worries you keep on thinking, “I just thought I lost you and… I will never see you again just because you didn’t like…what I did, the last time we spent together” you were talking about the blowjob that you gave him. You faintly remember how he looked so frustrated that time.

Taeyong let out a cute laugh, looking so angelic under this morning light. His hand is perfectly wrapped around you. “I can’t believe you’re stressing yourself with the things that aren’t true. I was just busy at work but during those times, I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to be with you… I miss you” he explains.

You were once again speechless because of his honesty and feelings.

“Let’s just forget the time that we weren’t together and pick up where we left off? What do you say?” He says as if he’s suggesting to do something.

Of course he is.

And you’re up for it.

“What do you have in mind?” You said, smiling.

“It involves my tongue… on your cunt,” he whispered seductively beside your ear. Feeling his lips on your neck, trailing kisses until he reaches your lips, “and your legs getting weaker by the second” he added and showed you how much he misses you through his kisses and you see Taeyong’s smile clear as the day, a sign that you didn’t lose him at all.

You feel his hands roam on your body, putting his hand inside your sweat pants, his fingers were cold but you didn’t care. You still remember the first time his hand was inside your panties for the first time and how his fingers felt so good against your wet cunt. It felt like yesterday you thought to yourself… And today, he will once again become your first time.

“Can you go in all fours?” He requests while he kisses you deeply. Of course you comply to his request, you love how every time you feel his presence behind you and in between your legs, you have no idea what’s coming next. You’re always clueless about his next move. He did mentioned that there will be oral sex again, but knowing Taeyong… he will not go right into it… he likes to take his sweet time and play.

He started with something you’re familiar with. His touch and kisses. He spreads kisses on your back, hands gently massage you from behind. Removing your sleepwear and making you moan from time to time with every teasing and touch he does. It’s relaxing but a different kind of relaxing, you feel tingles in between your legs, you feel wetter by the second and his very touch turns you on.

Slowly you feel his hands trail up from your waist, until he reaches the sides of your boobs which are damn sensitive. It makes you weak whenever he touches you on these parts, swirling his fingers on the sides of your boobs and cupping it both hands in the softest way possible to make your nipples hard and sensitive.

“Do you like it?” Taeyong asks then left a kiss on your lower back. You can only answer with a soft moan.

He did the same things again and again and again until your whole body is sensitive and your nipples are hard as fuck from his teasing. Until he proceeds to the main event without a warning. From behind, he licked your wet panties and teased your wet pussy with his tongue and fingers. Moving up and down slowly, tickling your cunt with his fingertips softly.

Even that thin barrier between Taeyong’s tongue and your cunt feels good you thought. And when Taeyong was done playing, he removed your panties in swift move, spreading your legs good for your own benefit. Without any warning he started with a few good licks that took your breath away. So this is what it feels like being licked by the cunt. It made you nervous, it gave you a tingly effect, it made you want to close your legs, at made you want more.

“Good?” He asked, you nod.

For the second time, you’re now on your back, enjoying the comfort of Taeyong’s soft bed. But now it wasn’t just Taeyong’s tongue making you feel good, his lips were involved this time. It was like he was kissing your cunt with tongue, a wet kiss that felt like your pussy juices won’t stop flowing because Taeyong is doing such a great job. Licking you up and down, licking your clit while reaching for your hard nipples and pinching it. By that, you earned your first orgasm through Taeyong’s tongue.

But he was not yet done.

Using his fingers, he spread your pussy lips and started licking aggressively. Pushing his head towards you more, feeling his nose on your pussy. This time you really couldn’t stop yourself and try to close your legs, calling Taeyong’s name as you moan how good he’s making you feel. Soon you hit another high. He was right, it will make your legs weak.

Others girls would last long, but you don’t. And that’s what Taeyong love about you.

He crawled up to you, comfortable in the position in between your legs while waiting for you to come down from your high. He loves seeing you like this. Horny and ruined all because of him. “Calm down, breathe” he giggles and started kissing your boobs. Sucking and kneading them as he waits for you.

“How can I breathe if you constantly take my breath away?” You asked with a flirty look, the man in front of you couldn’t resist himself and kissed you hard. Asking for another round in an instant. You feel his hard cock inside his sweat pants and you instantly feel bad because you can’t do something in return for him.

Of course Taeyong can see right through you, so he reached for your hand, kissed it before he puts it inside his sweat pants, your eyes went big with what he did. Clearly remembering the last time you touched him and gave him head for the first time.

“I wasn’t frustrated that time,” he moans as he enjoys every stroke you give on his clothed hard cock. “I was frustrated at myself because I couldn’t fuck you that time… but I loved everything you did last time. That pretty mouth if yours sure do know how to make me crazy for more” he says and kissed you to prove what he was saying.

Now that everything is clear and you worried for nothing, you wanted to make it up to him. With bravery, you put your hand inside his boxer briefs and tightened the grip around his hard cock, he already knew what to do of course. He closed is eyes and thrusted hard, moving his hips and fucking your hand. Pretending and imagining that its your hole. You spread kisses in Taeyong’s neck, licking his hard nipples while his imagination runs wild until he cums on your hand and making a mess. Nobody cared. You were both really horny and craving for more.

After a few rounds of fooling around, you and Taeyong spent the whole day kissing, giggling and watching movies in his room. Never leaving each other’s touch.

“When will you take me home?” You asked softly while your eyes were both closed. Enjoying his dimmed room and just basking in each other’s presence.

“I really hate watching you leave” he says, pulling you closer to him and tightening his embrace.

“Have you ever been in love?”

You suddenly asked. The words just came out of your mouth.

You knew a lot of things about him but you’ve never asked him something so personal. You feel like you’ve done something wrong again…

“I’m sorry—“ you apologize.

“Don’t be. It’s just that… I don’t know the answer. But I do know that love is complicated and I don’t like complicated things. Complications ruins things”

You nod and changed the subject.

“How about, first sex?”

“It’s boring. The third one was better” he smirked.

#nct smut #taeyong smut #nct taeyong smut #nct taeyong x reader #lee taeyong smut #nct taeyong fluf #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct #nct angst #nct 127 smut #nct 127 #bssays #nct x reader smut #nct taeyong

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lovergirly · 1 year

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mornings with wednesday

i wrote this while super drunk so please bear with me. i love y’all so much i hope you enjoy 💕

dating wednesday addams was a crazy experience. she didn’t quite know how to express emotions, but she tried for you. she held the door open, kissed your knuckles, allowed you to pick on her without killing you, etc. your favorite part, however, was mornings with your lovely, goth girlfriend. it was currently 5 am and you could feel wednesday trying to get out of your grasp.

“wednesday stop-“

“no. it’s 5, i need to get up. you should too.” you can see her braided hair was slightly messy and she didn’t have any makeup on. she looked beautiful.

“can we please cuddle for another five minutes?”

“why must you always ask this? you know i say no every time so just let me get up.” she sees your face turn a little sour so she sighs and leans in to give you a kiss. she finally gets up and leaves for the bathroom to take a shower. you stare at the door for a couple seconds before starting to close your eyes again, only to hear wednesday yell, “don’t go back to sleep,” through the door. you never understood how she knew you that well. so well she could tell your every move, even when she couldn’t see you. you disregarded her words anyway, and took a nap until she got out of the bathroom.

“i thought i gave you explicit instructions.” you simple smile at her and she deadpans back at you.

“i’m tired what can i say my love?”

“you can say nothing and get out of bed.”

“whatever.” you say while finally getting out of bed. you get dressed in your uniform while wednesday changes into the same uniform but all black. just looking at her made you fall even deeper in love. she always looked so composed. even when it’s 5:45 am and her hair is down and… wait. her hair is down. it was longer than you expected, very wavy. she looked absolutely elegant, but you knew she’d braid her hair again. it’s never not braided after all. why not make the morning just a tad bit romantic.

“wednesday?” you asked while conjuring up the sweetest voice you could find.

“yes mi amor?”

“can i braid your hair… please?”

wednesday paused. she never let anyone touch her hair. it was her thing. she always needed to look composed, it didn’t matter who she was with. as long as she was composed she’d be fine. she can’t act nervous right now because it makes her lose control of her body. and when she loses control of her body she loses control of her words. “you want to- what?… umm why may i… ask?”

“because i love you and i want to make you feel beautiful. and if doing your hair will do that then i must braid your hair.” you shrug. deep down your real reason was to be close to wednesday. you loved her. her shampoo, her hair, her face. not only that but her personality, her charisma, her style. you loved the girl in front of you with everything you could. and in return she loved you. she sat in front of you as you started dividing her hair and getting to work. she was nervous (though she’d rather swim through a pool of her own blood than admit that). she loved your gentle touches and how you can make her feel like a precious doll. now wednesday hated feeling weak, but with you she didn’t feel that way. she instead felt loved. every smile you sent her way was true love. every time you reached for her hand when you were nervous was true love. every time you apologize for pulling her hair a little too hard was true love. you both were so in love with each other and neither of you were scared to admit it. “oh mi amor, you did such a good job on my hair.” the goth praises while giving you a kiss of the nose.

“of course i did! i tried my hardest. now it’s 6:15 we need to get breakfast.”

“of course after you my love.” she says while opening the door for you and giving a false bow to show how chivalrous she is.

————————————————————————

i hope you guess enjoyed !! like i said i’m very drunk rn so i’ll probably delete this tomorrow morning or something. leave me more requests i’ll get back to them asap!!

#wednesday #wednesday addams x reader #jenna ortega #lgbtq #addams family #fanfic #jenna ortega x reader #wednsday addams #drunk thoughts #i’m drunk

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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🍏 to find later

AITA for sending my friend $100 as a wedding gift

(She used to use Tumblr but deleted her blog years ago so I feel comfortable sharing this.)

My (28 NB) best friend T (26 F) got married sometime within the last year or so. We had known each other for about 8 years at this point after meeting online and sort of dated on and off for about 4 of those years. We loved each other very much, I even flew out to meet her in person, but the distance got to be too much for her and I understood that and we still stayed close friends. We helped each other through bad breakups with toxic friends and lovers, and when she told me she met someone (G, 24 M) and things were getting super serious with him I couldn't have been happier for her.

The thing is though, G has always been jealous of how close T and I were. T had been upfront with him that I was an ex and that we've been romantically and physically involved in the past, but we had both assured him that nothing was going on between us anymore and that we had both moved on. But that didn't stop G from constantly thinking I was going to try to steal T away from him despite living half way across the country (I was on the west coast and T and G live in the south).

About 2 years ago, my family started making plans to move to around the same area they live in. Not super close but a day's trip, think LA to Vegas. I wasn't thrilled about the move but it was cheaper and my grandmother lives out here and she needed our help, so I did my best not to object too much to it. Besides, I figured this way I was closer to T and that I could finally meet G face to face, hopefully to settle this bad blood he seemed to think was between us and help him realize that I wasn't going to try to steal T away from him. Especially since by this time G had already proposed. Around this time though, T had told G that she had send me some rather revealing photos showing off some new body mods she had gotten, purely out of excitement. I hadn't asked to see them, she offered and said it should be fine, and well, turns out it wasn't. G got pissed and almost called off their wedding. They stayed together though and worked through it, and then a few months later T disappeared on me. Stopped responding to my messages, blocked my phone number, everything. I was already at a low point in my life because of the move and this made me get lower. After the move I got drunk one night and realized that T hadn't blocked me on Twitter so I ended up messaging her, and she got back to me immediately and explained that G had told her that if she didn't cut contact with me then he was going to leave her because he didn't think I had ever actually gotten over her and that I was going to try to steal her from him. I was hurt but I understood, especially since T was at a point where if G left her she'd have to go back to a very toxic living situation. I told her I still considered her my best friend, she still considered me hers, and that was the last time I talked to her.

Now, here's the part where I might be the asshole. Last November I was checking my Venmo to make sure my info was up to date and I realized that I still had T on there to send money to. Not only that, but T had changed her last name to G's, meaning that they must have gotten married by now. So, I decided to send them $100 as a late wedding gift. T is still my friend and I was happy for them, and I didn't mean anything bad by it, but for the last two months I've been worried that G would be upset and that it would have opened up years old wounds.

TLDR; My friend's new husband doesn't trust me and wanted her to stop talking to me, and in response I sent them $100 and a congratulations, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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the-dumpster-fire-of-life · 8 months

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This is my first time ever requesting SMTH OML IM SWEATIN 😟 BUT I WANTED TO HAVE MY FIRST REQUEST BE TOWARDS YOU CAUSE UR WRITING IS SO GOOD AND BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN LIKE THE EMOTION UR ABLE TO CONVEY JUST THROUGH WORDS IS CRAZY N ADDICTIVELY DELICIOUS NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES IT HURTS MY SOUL ANYWAY MOVING ON (i love ur writing sm its so artistic)

this is so akward but like a reader who grew up around family members who'd get RLLY drunk n made her home super uncomfortable for her so like it's like a sensitive thing when she's around intoxicated people yk like n one day bill shows up late from a party pretty messed up n is kinda acting like an asshole lowkey aggressive LIKE ANGSTY YK UR AMAZING AT THAT n then the next morning bill wakes up hung over without reader in bed next to him confused n finally remembers n how royally fucked he is n hes like super apologetic

THATS ALL I GOT BUT UM IF U DONT FEEL COMFY WRITING IT I TOTALLY GET IT LIKE IGNORE THIS DELETE THIS DW, BUT IF YOU DO THANK YOU IN ADVANCE IYLSM

(this Lowkey sucks ass and I'm so sorry for making you wait this long for this piece of shit writing I wrote, jut I still hope you enjoy it and I'm so glad you like my works and my writing!)

Drunk & Sober Mistakes

Bill woke up with a pounding in his head, groaning as he flipped over onto his stomach. He reached for the nightstand, grabbing a bottle of water.

He drank from it like he was dehydrated for ten years, feeling like he was as he savored the feeling of it pouring down his throat.

"(Name)...?" Bill called out, his voice raspy and scratchy as he woke up, trying to see you.

Bill looked up confused when he got no response, looking around from the bed as best he could.

Bill groaned as he got up, almost stumbling as he made it to his feet and to the bathroom, desperately trying to get the taste out his mouth.

He brushed his teeth, almost gagging at the taste of the toothpaste with throw up in his mouth.

Bill finally has time to mull over everything, everything in small blurs except that he knew that he got drunk.

He came home, and for some reason felt in a bad mood, and unfortunately you were there as well, so you got some backlash.

Bill felt like hitting himself, especially as it came back in an almost tidal wave that he remembered everything.

Your family has problems with drinking, getting so drunk to the point of making you uncomfortable.

Bill promised to never do that to you, but now?

Bill felt the throw up coming back up as he realized he had broken that promise, and your trust.

Something Bill vowed to never do to you

As he did so, he heard the front door open and shut as soon as he heard it. Bill sighed, knowing it was you just from the sound of your footsteps.

Knowing he has to face you, and full of shame, he walks out of the bathroom to see you collecting stuff off the floor he had either knocked down, or dropped.

Watching you do so as he leaned against the doorframe only made him even more guilty.

You knew he was there from the burning and the feeling all over your body, but you chose to ignore him, feeling as he deserves it for what he has done last night.

At your silence and watching you trying to fix the bed, Bill sighed.

"I'm sorry, babe." Bill finally spoke up, looking as you stopped your movement, listening as he stepped closer, staying a little ways away as he didn't want to make you even more uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry for getting drunk. I…I didn't think I would get that bad." Bill sighed once more, walking closer to you as he heard you sigh as well, about to shrug him off.

"It's fine-"

"No, it's not. I fucked up. I'm sorry." Bill apologized once more, looking as you shook your head as he stood right behind you. Bill wrapped his arms around your waist, leaning down to put his chin on your shoulders.

"I'm sorry…" Bill repeated, kissing your cheek in light kisses as he heard you sigh, moving the hands to softly sit on his, so soft and quiet it was like you wouldn't notice your hands unless you spoke up about them.

"Just- just don't do it again…" you mumbled, looking over your shoulder slightly to see his face close to yours, a frown almost permanent on his.

"I promise you, I won't ever do it again." Bill reassured, pecking your lips softly once as he rubbed his thumb over your waist.

"...You were being a real asshole." You said, actually meaning it and thinking he deserves to hear it. Bill sighed, nodding softly as he knew he was.

Bill thought about something for a moment, to at least try and make it a little more better before he finally found it.

"...wanna smack me?" Bill offered quickly, getting a pause from you as you finally turned around to look at him.

"What?" You couldn't help but laugh at the suggestion, Bill smiling as he finally got a smile out of you.

"To make it better!" Bill laughed along, smiling as he put his hands on your hips.

"No!" You shook your head, objecting like he was crazy but he was smiling at the sound of your laughter.

"Come on, just one smack." Bill tried once more, tickling your sides softly as you playfully scoffed and moved his hands.

"Is this a new kink you're trying out?" You joked, Bill falling silent as he gave you a funny look.

You both gave each other little smirks, amused before you both bursted out laughing.

Bill chuckled, grabbing your arm and bringing you into a hug as you kept on giggling.

He rubbed your back, your arms and kissed your head.

"I'm sorry, again."

"It's fine…just promise to not do it again?" You mumbled out, smiling up at him from his chest as he chuckled, immediately nodding.

"I promise I won't ever do it again. Sticking to soda from now on, huh?" Bill asked, his hands on your waist now with yours around his.

"You most definitely are." You smiled back, scrunching up your nose as he leaned down and almost touched his nose with yours, still smiling.

"Well, got a soda cop here now, huh?"

"Yup, ass."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#tokio hotel #tokio hotel imagine #tokio hotel x reader #bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz imagines #bill kaulitz x reader

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broodsys · 6 months

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ive been thinking about this a lot lately and kinda just wanna say it somewhere.

that said, feel free to just scroll on by bc this is heavy. also super long? i just- needed to get it off my chest, kinda.

cw: sexual assault, alcohol and drug use

so, in highschool there were these two guys who were in my friend group but i wasn't rly friends with, we'll just say L and N. L had an obvious crush on me and kept trying to get me to date him even tho i had a boyfriend and he knew my boyfriend - once i ended up going on a date with him bc my autistic ass thought he was just trying to hang out, lmao. anyway, it was awkward, esp once my friends told me uhhh no that was a date? u just described a date.

N was a lot more chill but also kinda... he was nice and all, genuinely nice, but he was also one of those no no i'm not sexist i'm an equal-opportunity hater haha! guys. so i wasn't rly close with either of them

but when i went to college they were the only two ppl i already knew and i was rly overwhelmed about being all alone on campus at first, so i ended up spending quite a bit more time with both of them, in and out of school. and it was fun when it was the three of us! they were amusingly raunchy and we talked a lot about related subjects and went on walks together and idk, it was nice. this was before i realized i was trans but i think it fulfilled a Just One Of The Guys need i had at that time

got p close with both of them, esp L. ended up at his house by myself quite frequently. and, well, we drank - this being before i realized i had a unrelated liver disease. and by this point i was out as trans and my family was AWFUL about using the right pronouns and i had no in-person connections who used the right pronouns and i was... p desperate for validation. while also using both alcohol and weed quite heavily to cope

so, yknow... hang out with someone who calls me 'he', talk about gender shit, sigh and go along with the eight million dumb YT videos he wanted to show me, but whatever, i got free liquor and it was smth to do, right? i was even able to lean into being a system around him! that was super validating.

so, surprise surprise, we ended up becoming kinda fuckbuddies. and i was okay with that - p open that i wasn't interested in a relationship but like, sure, we can fuck around. so we did. usually drunk. usually quite drunk. but that was okay because there was still consent going on

but i had one very clear, very explicit boundary. and once he started to cross it - i called him out on it and he pushed back and i had to tell him to stop several times. it wasn't like... aggressive? just very, very coercive. took me a long time to accept that it was still a form of rape. hell, i still struggle to type that out, i want to add caveats to it. but it just was. and that was the big change for me, when i realized he wasn't actually going to respect my boundaries. still hung out with him for a while after that and we had sex a few more times while i was processing my feelings about everything and trying to accept that he was in the wrong and i had a right to be upset

but after that, i just started feeling rly shitty on the walk home whenever i left him. there were subspace/subdrop issues at play, too, which was another brand-new discovery for me, and no aftercare ever, but it was... yeah. it was bad.

still, took me a while to break off the relationship. i was actually at a conference for a school thing when i did it, because being around ppl who saw me as a man, who respected me, who treated me kindly... it totally changed how i saw interpersonal dynamics. like, that whole experience was a MASSIVE wake-up call for me. so that was when i cut him out of my life

now, oddly, this story isn't about L. it's about N.

afaik, N had no idea about any of this. but a while ago, idk probably over a year now, he sent me a nice text mentioning that he didn't know why we'd fallen out of touch. and i usually delete texts after a while but i still have that one. sometimes i want to reply - not telling him the details, just like 'yeah so me and L had smth weird and i didn't want to put u in a position where u had to choose' but also just- memories, yknow? i associate them together very strongly bc the three of us spent sm time together

but i still feel kinda bad. kinda miss N. i saw him become a better person while i saw L kinda become a worse person. i just feel... idk. torn? ultimately i gotta take care of me because no one else can, but i think about him quite often, and about that text i've never replied to. and i also spent time with N alone, and it was just chill. he never tried to fuck me. when i slept over he let me have his bed and made sure there were fresh sheets and everything. he watched me play videogames at his house and let me spend forever on character customization and made sure i had vegetarian food to eat. he was nice, without any strings attached. and we talked about, shit, everything. once we walked for hours and hours - p much the entire night - just talking. he rly opened up to me a lot, and i opened up to him - not about everything and not about anything with L, but about a lot of other stuff. it was an important friendship.

and i just... i regret losing that a lot. i've been thinking about both of them a lot recently. part of it is just coming head to head with things i was using weed to repress now that i've been sober for a while, granted. bc i've been thinking about a lot of things in my past recently.

relationships are messy. but i regret that a good friendship got stained by a bad one.

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tuymoth · 1 year

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Headcanon Tattoos !

This was so frustrating to do because I spent 2 hours writing everything down and then everything got deleted, so I just spent another hour redoing the whole little backstories ahhhhh, I think I'm finally done again though :) here's these three because I think they have the most connections tattoo-wise

VAL:

Anarchy Symbol: made by some drunk guy at a party once.

Guitar Pick: Was made not long after Vinyl introduced him to Volume for the first time. Volume had had experience with tattoos and stuff since he had always been interested in every form of art and self expression, so Val just trusted him with his.

Skull: After becoming close with Vinyl, Val just wanted something that wouldn't represent, but not immediately hint at Vinyl (/would also work as just a cool tattoo - mainly due to the fear of something of something happening between them that could have them drift apart).

Moon: The twins thought all the tattoo stuff was super cool and obviously wanted to try it aswell. Vaya didn't even get to do one though, since Val was pissed off enough after Vamos turned out to be a little too messy and impatient for tattoing. Yet, Val never had it re-done because at some point he did actually did kinda grow fond to it.

Three-Eyed Cat: Volume drew it in an old magazine once and Val, for some reason, really liked it. Volume was too scared to mess it up if he tattooed it himself though, so Vinyl ended up doing it.

Volume Remembrance: His only tattoo that's not a stick and poke, he got it after the war times.

VINYL:

Snake: Actually Volume's first tattoo on someone else. Due to his lack of experience back then, he had to redo it twice. It's still Vinyl's favourite tattoo though.

Anarchy Symbol: Made by Val, simply so they'd have the same one.

Evil eyes: Not much more than a test Vinyl did on his own skin before doing it on other people. To him this tattoo also means protection and good luck.

Dragonfly: Basically the twins teamed up for that one, but it ended up looking like the moon on Val's ankle, so by request, Val went over it again at some point after it had healed.

Dessert Sunrise: Vinyl made it himself, some time after Volume had died. Him and Volume had basically been best friends, they'd often just be out alone at night, just doing whatever they felt like. Many times, they even saw the sun rise again.

Black Armband: memorial for Volume and other killjoys.

VOLUME:

Waist Tattoo: his first ever tattoo. There's no deep meaning behind it, it was just out of pure boredom.

Arrow: Vinyl has always had much respect for Volume and his way of thinking. The circles on arrow tattoos often represent something a person has had to go through, while the arrow itself shows that they now heading somewhere in their life. Vinyl thought that fit really well to Volume and eventually he let him tattoo it.

Target: Val was the one to teach Volume how to use ray guns. He kinda figured out that Volume felt pretty awkward being one of the only killjoys who had never even used one before, so he didn't make a big deal out of it and just didn't tell anyone. Still, they made some pretty cool memories while practicing, thus the tattoo.

Semicolon: Volume tattooed it himself to show that despite everything that had happened up to this point in his life, it wasn't over yet and he'd keep on living the way he intended to. Ironically, that was his last tattoo. It hadn't even fully healed when he lost his life.

#ttlotfk #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #the fabulous killjoys #killjoys #val velocity #vinyl #volume #my art

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detransraichu · 30 days

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i finally deleted most of the selfies i had taken w my ex. i thought i was over it, i didn't expect to feel so crushed </3 rant ic

like damn. i put my all into that relationship, and turns out they were never into me to begin with. it feels so fucking humiliating bc i was being so loveydovey and looking back they were so distant, but if i asked they just reassured me that it was just their autism or DID. it's like the past 5 years were just lies, at least lies they told themself, like they tried so hard to be into female-passing people, but they only wanna date ppl who wanna pass as male, and that's never gonna be me. now they're all over someone else and showing a brand new side i never saw of them in all those years. i was trying soooo hard to make it work, i kept blaming myself and trying over and over again to romance them the Right Way, to not be too clingy, to not expect too much, to do exactly what they liked, to not expect any reciprocation bc it was just their disorders. i kinda feel gaslit ngl bc they said they wanted to break up for years but thought i wouldn't survive without them bc i was a broke disabled woman. and i get it. but who the fuck wants to date someone, kiss someone, fuck someone (the rare times it happened lol), do so much romantic shit to try to get their lover's heart to race but turns out i was in a fake ass relationship w someone who wasn't even into women. and the worst thing is, i knew that. i knew. they said so at the beginning, when i identified as transmasc. they thought i would transition but i never did. but even back then they said they only made a move on me bc they knew i had a crush on them, they didn't actually have a crush on me. i wasn't gonna make a fucking move on them but THEY STARTED IT. yeah i made dirty jokes while drunk and got cuddly and blushed sometimes, but i always was like "lmk if that makes you uncomfy!" and they always brushed it off. i get that they're a huge doormat and have trauma w saying no to people and were super inexperienced etc but i feel so crushed and betrayed. like that was my FIRST real relationship, they were my first everything. all fake

and now to see them show all the normal loveydovey behaviors i always begged for after one date with a trans guy... ouch. i don't even want them, i would only be 100% fulfilled being w someone who identifies as a woman and my attraction had waned when they transitioned. but the year before the breakup they had been more fem and i identified as a lesbian in the "only into non-men" kinda way and they seemed okay w it and they were more affectionate and i just got my hopes up, like our 5 year anniversary was at the most romantic hotel ever (even tho they didn't even cuddle me or say anything romantic to me or uhhhh do anything to show they loved me other than getting me gifts i had put in my amazon wishlist) and i really got my hopes up. when i was high the night of the breakup i had asked "do you ever think you're not into me, or aroace or something?" i expected to hear no and be reassured but they told me i wasn't ready for that conversation and it broke me!!! and then all those years were for nothing, i could've been in a loving relationship w someone else all this time, we could've just stayed roommates, but nope. nah. it was all faked on their end. all my efforts for nothing </3

#lay text #so many romantic poems i wrote. thoughtful gifts. endless affectionate comments. tenderness. i gave them so much #and they were distant and blamed it on autism. holy shit #i have so many trust issues now #thank god i have a counsellor to talk to now lolz

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isimpfortoomanypeople · 2 years

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So this is it? Sebastian Stan x actress reader

Chapter 9- don’t delete the kisses

You’ve got a part in the new captain America film, during filming the directors have asked the lead actors to live together to build chemistry. What you didn’t expect was to find yourself in a relationship with Sebastian Stan, you thought everything was going well till one date night Sebastian breaks up with you.

Warnings: alcohol

A/N: welcome to the final chapter of the fic, thanks for all the love and support I can describe how grateful I am. I’m sad that this story has come to an end, I’ll definitely write one or two one shots following this, mostly because I’ve become too attached to my own character Jamie 😂 Apologises for all spelling and grammatical mistakes as I’m super dyslexic, enjoy

And now I’m home, a little bit drunk and I ask myself, what if it’s not made for me? Love

“You know that you don’t have to do this right?” Jamie sighed looking at you while you laced up your shoes. He was at a loss with this whole Sebastian situation, you were his best friend and deserved the world but part of him worries that Sebastian would open old wounds and infected him with his little lies he loves to tell. Jamie felt selfish at times as there’s been moments that he wishes he could scream at you, that you were wrong for wanting him back and you needed to move on, but he couldn’t kick you down further, it just wasn’t right so he bit his tongue hoping that Sebastian proves you all wrong.

You felt your shoulder cave into you, you couldn’t look Jamie in the eyes as you knew exactly what you’d see. Jamie looking at you with pity like you’re a fool for giving Sebastian a second chance, the weight in your stomach has been churning all day in anxiety over tonight. You didn’t need someone else to exaggerate the self doubt you were already feeling.

“I know, but I do love him Jamie. Am I stupid for loving the man who broke my heart and continued to further twist the dagger in my heart months after the breakup? Yes I am I know I am! But this is why I’m doing it, I want to see if we can rekindle this romance or if it’s dead forever and I can finally move on” you quietly spoke, your voice cracking with the tears threatening to spill out.

“Honey he was a dick to you, I know you love him but you can love him and move on with your life” Jamie exasperated, he tried swallowing down his frustration towards this situation, but the bitter taste made it creep back up his throat.

“Don’t you think I know this? Jamie why are you making this hard for me? You’re supposed to be my best friend now you’re lecturing me like I’m a fucking child!” You gritted your teeth, your nostrils flared trying your hardest to keep your anger at bay.

“Because you’re acting like one Y/N, are you forgetting who has to constantly pick up the pieces after he breaks your heart time after time again? Because I’ll tell you right now Y/N it feels like a kick in the teeth you going out with him again tonight, I won’t be there to pick up the pieces” the frustration rumbled out of Jamie’s voice, his jaw clenched with so much tension he’s surprised that it didn’t break.

You froze in shock, a cold sense of disbelief washed over you, your mouth agape upon the impact of his words.

Jamie sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, he took a few steady breaths to regulate his emotions. He looked over at you and felt a dagger of guilt plunge into his stomach, seeing your eyes prick with tears only twisted the knife in further. He didn’t mean to hurt you and if he could take back those words he would, but he couldn’t and that’s what hurt him the most

“Y/N-“ “Fuck you Jamie” you spat looking him dead in the eyes with a cold expression.

Before he could say another word you walked towards the door, only when you knew he was out of sight did you felt the hot tears pour down your face.

——————————————————————————

By the time seb arrived the red splotches on your eyes vanished only leaving your eyes a little puffy, you prayed that Sebastian didn’t comment on that as it’s the last thing you needed right now.

“You look beautiful” Sebastian spoke his eyes trailing up and down your body, taking in every part of you, admiring everything. Taking mental photos incase this was the last date he was to have with you.

“Thanks” you softly smiled closing the car door behind you, “you don’t look too bad yourself”. He lightly chuckled reminiscing in the days where this was his daily, how he’d kiss you tenderly, how he’d wake up with you softly snoring on his chest, how soft your skin is or how your smile could lighten his day. But he was an idiot and pushed you to the wayside. You felt him lean into you but he stopped himself midway, “sorry” he muttered sheepishly and drove away.

The car ride to the bar was spent in silence that was thick with uncertainty, each party wanting to pull the other one into their embrace, but mentally stopping themselves having to remind them of why this date was in place in the first place. You were going to see if this relationship was worth saving without anything influencing your decision.

The bar was full of couples taking photos of themselves with cocktails that looked like it was worth the same price as your rent. You stiffen your posture upon arrival, the bar was so different from any bar you spent with Jamie on a Friday night. The bars you were use to felt comfortable full of locals raising a toast towards the end of a working week. But this bar felt uncomfortable like the only way you needed to get in was to be a poser.

Sebastian tried his hardest to win you back by taking you to the most expensive and exclusive bar in LA, but this was not your scene at all. You felt out of place.

“Two glasses of Malbec” Sebastian called at the waiter who took your coats.

Sebastian smiled at you with a mixture of love and devotion that you could of sworn that you melted on the the spot under his charming smile.

“ hi I’m Sebastian Stan and who may this beautiful woman be?” He lifted an open palm out towards you for you to shake, he definitely stayed true to your words wanting tonight to be a clean slate for you both. “Y/N/L/N” you smiled shaking his hand back. “What a beautiful name” he returned the same smile your face held. “Well I’ve just moved here I’m an actor, I’m staring in the new captain america movie” He lightly chuckled “What a small world as so am I”

The waiter returned with both of your wines, you both took a large mouth full of the scarlet liquid in front of you hoping that it gave you courage to speak the words unspoken.

“Seb I’m going to be honest, this place isn’t us it’s never been us. I don’t care about your money nor your fame, I miss us and how we used to have movie nights over a bottle of wine or how we could just spend hours not speaking just melting into each other’s embrace. Seb that’s us, not some lavish bar to show your emotions to me, it almost feels like you forgot how we use to be. I wanted this night to see if we have something worth saving, but how can I save something that feels so unnatural?” You sighed taking a swig of your wine, so far tonight has been a disaster and you feared that it would further cemented the thought that plague d your brain that maybe this was a bad idea.

“I’m sorry”

Your face illuminated in shock, not expecting him to admit defeat to this so called “perfect” night.

“I tried to do this stupid shit that you are told to believe what a perfect date is, and I wanted to do what I could to win you back. That I forgot what we use to do, I’m so stupid” he sighed massaging the stress out of his temples. Fuck ,he thought, he had truly lost you for good.

“We could finish our drinks and maybe go on a walk? You know do something that is more like us?” You suggested after seeing the pained expression on his face, but a small part of you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt as you’re still deeply and madly in love with him.

“I’d like that”

——————————————————————————-

You both spent the rest of the night walking around the sights of LA, Sebastian never taking his eyes off you the entire time.

“Seb you’re not looking at the sunset, it’s so beautiful” “It’s not my fault I have such a beautiful view in front of me” “You’re such a sap”

You both filled the hour laughing and catching each other up on your days since you last spoke. Your cheeks aching from smiling too much, you felt your body gravitate towards him but you had to stop yourself reminding yourself what tonight was for. Your body shaking as the realisation hit you, fuck you wanted him too. This felt comfortable, this felt familiar, this felt right, while a small part of you screamed out loud how dare you feel this way, what is wrong with you?

“Are you okay? You’re shaking” “Oh” you spoke with embarrassment “I’m just cold” “Here take this” he placed his jacket over your shoulders, you felt your body relax under the warm fabric and under the smell of his cologne.

You laughed “forever the gentleman” “Only for you Y/N, only for you”

——————————————————————————-

“Thanks for tonight” you smiled, slipping off his jacket from your shoulders, you stared deeply into his blue eyes, the blue salvation was still there wanting to sweep you back.

“I had an amazing time Y/N, I was such an asshole for the way I treated you and I don’t deserve to have this date tonight, but I love you Y/N and I’ll respect your decision if you choose not to continue this” Sebastian spoke his voice cracking with nerves as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, his body stiffen in anticipation awaiting your response.

“Seb I’ll be honest I didn’t know if tonight was the best idea, I thought I was a fucking idiot for saying yes to you at Mackie’s birthday. But after tonight I’ve reflected and compared the pros and cons, there could be a chance that you could do something this shitty again and I don’t know if I could cope if history repeated it’s self. I realised something tonight I do want you, I’m madly in love with you Seb even when my heart was breaking into pieces I still loved you. I want us to work and I will be prepared to work through what had happened but I’m still going to remain true to my word and that is to take it slow.”

Sebastian’s eyes teared up, he felt his chest heat up and his heart rapidly increased in speed. He couldn’t believe what he has just heard. Your own eyes started to well up and for the first time in a while you had happy tears forming. You wanted to lean over and kiss him but it was too soon.

“Thank you” he let out a light laughter heavy with disbelief that you was his again. “But if you do hurt me again I have no problem in sending Jamie after you” you joked, but there was definitely some truth behind that slight threat.

——————————————————————————-

The television hummed quietly in the background as you open the door, the apartment was dark making you believe that Jamie was asleep. Your heart grew heavy, you chewed your lip as the events of early this evening washed over you.

“Jesus Christ” you screamed out loud as you felt a pair of arms wrap around you pulling you close to them.

“I’m sorry” Jamie softly spoke, the guilt also weighed equally as heavy on his behalf, you are his best friend and it pains him to have hurt you.

“I’m sorry too, I know that you only want the best for me and I appreciate you being a great friend” you replied wrapping your arms around him.

“No don’t be honey, I shouldn’t have shouted at you like that, you’re an adult and if you believe Sebastian is the best for you, then I’ll support you completely. Now how did the date go?”

——————————————————————————-

“Enjoy the movie” the director called out to the audience, a loud roar of applause followed, the theatre was full. Fans, family, friends all came together to support the film’s release. The atmosphere was electric unlike anything you have ever experienced. You’re still in disbelief as you sat down in your seats, two years ago you were waiting tables awaiting your big break, now here you are at your first film premiere for marvel. You were still in shock and reality still hasn’t hit you.

You spent the day with jamie both toasting with a glass of wine before the red carpet for both of your nerves. He held your hand in the car rubbing soft circles on the back of your hand to calm you down before the door opened revealing the red carpet in front of you.

“Hey, are you okay?” Sebastian asked as the lights started to dim. “It still hasn’t hit me yet, this doesn’t feel real” you whispered back “It’s real, you deserve it” You smiled and leant your head on his shoulder reaching out to take his hand. That action made his heart grew, you couldn’t see as the lights were dark but the grin he held was nearly as bright as the screen in front of him. He definitely isn’t going to let go of your hand anytime soon.

——————————————————————————-

“Seb I’m stealing your girl” Jamie stated as he linked his arm through yours whisking you away out of the Theatre. Anthony and Sebastian followed suit walking towards the after party.

Sebastian stared at you in awe, looking at you like you were the most perfect beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on.

“How is it going?” Anthony asked, chuckling at how loved up his best friend his. Like his whole brain turns to mush and his jaw falls to the ground whenever you’re around. “It’s going good, I’m still in disbelief that she’s mine. I’m never going to let her go again”

Looking behind your shoulder you smiled at Sebastian giving him a wink, which made his whole posture crumble under your power.

Tonight is just the beginning.

And now I’m home, a little bit drunk. Somethings don’t change, and I know now you and me were meant to be in love.

A/N: 😭 it’s over, thanks again for all the support. If you liked this story be sure to check out my other story Victory Girls which is reader and Bucky Barnes in 1940s. Also stay tuned for one shots from this story and I’ve gotten some more story from different fandoms such as stranger things on the way

Tag list: @sebsgirl71479

#sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x actress!reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #bucky barnes x reader #nick fowler x reader #steve kemp x reader #Spotify

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golbrocklovely · 11 months

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since i have nothing else to post right now…

here’s the last of colby’s tweets from 2020.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted

~~~~~~~~~~

Oct. 1 - love doing things for myself

Oct. 4 - i’m in so much pain. sos

fan: u ok?

poison oak. everywhere …. everywhere.

Oct. 5 - i like the simple things

Oct. 7 - less is more

Oct. 10 - i wanna make you happy

how am i so busy during the day but still manage to find 2 hours to mindlessly scroll through tik tok? i can’t be the only one

Oct. 14 - i care too much

Oct. 15 - somehow it wasn’t enough

Oct. 18 - fan: I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT COLBY SMELLED LIKE..I WANA KNOW WHAT COLOGNE HE WEARS

mayonnaise

(i hate this man so much lmao)

Oct. 19 - Justin Bieber’s new song made me tear up, that dudes been through so much. no one could even imagine what that’s like.. achieving everything and being in the biggest spotlight at such a young age.

Oct. 20 - @/samgolbach: less than 6 months ago i broke my back. and i decided to take that as a challenge to get healthy again. and today i ran the fastest mile i’ve ever run. so yes, i might be an idiot but i’m a determined idiot 🤘🏼🏃🏼

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 that’s an insane accomplishment ! i remember when it was a struggle to stand up out of bed

new day, same cycle

Oct. 21 - my mom is texting me all the young pictures of me and it’s bringing me memories i didn’t know i had

Oct. 25 - panic attacks late at night are the worst

Nov. 1 - @/colbybrockscar: reminder that it’s no nut November!!! @/ColbyBrock doesn’t even have to try. He’s got this shit in the bag. It probs comes out like baby powder if he tries

did my car just roast me ?

Nov. 4 - this is scary

cuties! all 3 of you! (reply to fan in merch with friend and cat)

Nov. 6 - @/GracynCarr: I can’t believe the audacity of a high school tweet to pop up on my timeline lmao.. miss u tho @/ColbyBrock :)

hope you're well xx

Nov. 8 - so much talent thank youu love (reply to fan's art)

fan: Um. So I tweeted this to you before but alot has also changed since then sooo wanted to say thank you 🖤 🖤 @/ColbyBrock

proud of you, and good luck with your dreams darlin 🖤 you can accomplish anything with the right mindset and hard work. i believe in ya

time flies, and i’m so scared of losing my youth. it’s inevitable i know, but damn makes you wanna cherish every moment you got

Nov. 11 - i hate when nothing is wrong but nothing feels right

Nov. 12 - the person who makes you forget about the rest of the world

Nov. 13 - today marks 6 years since we posted our first YT video on the MAIN S&C account .. 🖤 what a wild ride

Nov. 14 - promise you i’m a good waste of time

Nov. 15 - @/katstuartmusic: “sunday is my funday” - colby brock 2020

🥂💁🏻‍♂️💁🏻‍♂️

fan: Colby u get drunk off of one white claw

fight me

other fan: my money is on mags

round house kicks to the face don’t feel too good

(is it bad that i like when colby gets weirdly violent with us sksksks)

Nov. 16 - the Why Dont We dudes are some of the nicest people in LA

*Nov. 17 - @/gabytriana: It’s out! Sam and Colby were so much fun to work with, and despite what Colby said, I did not hate him when we first met! 😆 Both he and Sam are super kind, smart, generous entertainers who know how to tell a good story! I love them both!! Happy Book Birthday, @/samandcolby

hahaha thank youu so much for all the hard work ! so excited it’s finally here

(interestingly enough, colby didn't delete his tweet… gaby did)

Nov. 19 - went to a Pyschic Reader tonight. my mind is blown. im not a skeptic anymore, video coming tomorrow

fan: Get ready for religious people to freak out

the psychic i talked to was religious, i’m not sure how but i think the two concepts can exist at the same time

Nov. 21 - hard to trust

fan: @/ColbyBrock hey, i love u lots

love you 🖤

Nov. 23 - fan: imagine if @/ColbyBrock responded to this

could you imagine

Nov. 24 - fan: lmao okay so my friend put this together when I FINALLY received Colby's reaper merch yesterday and I had to laugh, I am actually stupid. But I thought it was a lil funny so y'all can see it too then xx

hahahha love it. thank you. you’re not a sack of potatoes in my eyes

Nov. 27 - happy b day @/SamGolbach you know this and imma save the sappy shit for your big 25th bday but i wouldn’t be here without you. you’re the most intelligent, deep thinking dude i’ve ever met and i feel pretty damn lucky to be able to call you a business partner AND best friend

Nov. 28 - take it easy

Nov. 30 - should i hop back on tik tok?

Dec. 2 - @/aaron_doh: At least I got a photo shoot out of it 😄

whaaat. dude i wish you a speedy recovery

Dec. 3 - it’s hard to move on

Dec. 5 - a nice escape is all i need

welp. i guess i’m a lightweight

Dec. 9 - miss you

Dec. 14 - all the baggage that comes with me

Dec. 15 - been workin hard for you , announcement tomorrow

fan: omg are you pregaganant

how'd you know

@/samandcolby: announcement tomorrow… 2021 will be the best year of our lives (and probably most difficult)

fan: are we getting married?? is that why?

yes

i hate how having anxiety makes me nauseous. it’s the worst feeling

Dec. 16 - it’s all about living in the moment and making every. second. count.

fan: yeah @/ColbyBrock how much are you charging for tattoos…

free for you

Dec. 18 - big tool pic but i’ve been workin hard

@/mannymua733: we absolutely do not mind

hahahaha

(god damn… this pic is still so good lol)

also cold weather always makes me want a special someone to spend time with. cuddle buddy is neeeeeded

fan: okay but can we just take a second to appreciate how hard colby’s been working in the gym because dayum

thank you sweeeetheart

fan: HELP COLBY IS TRENDING

yoo i love you guys 🥺

Dec. 20 - got tatted last night and i barely remember

how i feel this morning (pic of him floating)

fan: you’ve seen elf on the shelf… but have you seen cole in a hole? (@/ColbyBrock)

i’m mad i laughed at this

Dec. 23 - why’d ya have to change on me

so bittersweet saying goodbye to my childhood home of 18 years… i’ll only be back to kansas to visit and sleep in hotels from now on. strange feeling, but so happy for my mom and dad for taking a chance and moving

it’s like i don’t have a real “home” anymore. since i move so much anyways it’s hard to find a spot to actually call home

fan: i just want to say that colby has helped me through so much this year. i had a tough year as many others did but you’ve seriously have helped me through so much. i love you so so much @/ColbyBrock

awh that’s why i make videos in the first place. for people like you

Dec. 24 - addicted to you

my mom and i are the weirdest duo on the planet when we’re together i swear

fan: Make a video with her for Christmas

my whole family despises being on camera 💔

Dec. 25 - fan: momma brock is the sweetest ever

she’s my favorite woman in the world

Merry Christmas friends ! 🖤

i wish i could have face tats for like one week but it doesn’t really work like that huh

Dec. 26 - everyone’s battling their own demons

Dec. 28 - fan: Colby drinking wine but he's such a lightweight that he's probably drunk, lmao @/ColbyBrock

🤫🤫🤫

fan: the vibes are fucking ethereal i’m guessing @/ColbyBrock

you got it

#colby brock #cb tweets #personal #text

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rabbiteclair · 2 years

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oh yeah, I've had this post in my drafts for years, but I always held off on publishing it because it was like 'god what kind of mutant discourse is gonna develop in the notes if this gets lots of reblogs?' but now I can just make it unrebloggable

as a warning a comprehensive list of all the triggers and stuff covered here would be about half as long as the post itself. in general, maybe steer clear if you're sensitive to anything around violence, sexual assault, substance abuse, or cops doing shitty cop things.

an attempt to catalogue every regular around the carryout where I used to work, before my memory craps out entirely:

The Harley-Davidson guy: Owned a Harley-Davidson, which he spent about 12 hours a day riding. Mostly on this list because at one point he missed some payments and his heroin dealer sent somebody to steal it, and his response was to load a bunch of guys with bats into a truck and drive around busting sheds open looking for it, culminating in a baseball bat street fight in the middle of some hillbilly village with like 90 residents. Afterward they came back covered in blood and hung out recounting the story to us.

The lottery goblin: An old lady who spent about $50 a day on lottery tickets. She had a giant, complex system that dictated what she played on any given day. Whenever she bought scratch-offs, she’d ask a dozen questions to figure out if they were acceptable. (What’s the serial number on the back end with? How many are left on the roll? Is that the first roll you got of them, or have you sold a few already?) Had inch-long fingernails caked in scratch-off ticket residue. ... somehow, she seemed to turn a profit off the lottery, so I guess I can’t fault her methodology much.

The editor of the town newspaper: A functioning alcoholic, with emphasis on both words. She was homeless and said it was because houses were too much work; as far as I could tell this was true because she probably made more than 80% of people in town. In the summer she slept on benches along the hiking trails, and in the cooler seasons she lived out of her car. Smart as hell and fun to talk to--she’d come in and hang out for a few hours at a time occasionally, and we used to still chat on Facebook now and then up until I finally deleted my account.

Cool gay guy #1: He had some kind of horrible disease and needed to be on heavy painkillers basically 24/7 to manage it. As a result, he was terminally stoned out of his mind and practically radiated happiness. Every time he came in everybody would run out to give him hugs, because this all made him the friendliest dude on Earth. Hope he’s doing okay.

Cool gay guy #2: Ran a trucker diner just outside of town. Super-friendly and chatty. Would come in sometimes and trade his stories about horrible trucker customers for our stories about horrible lottery customers.

The town alcoholic: Keep in mind that basically everybody on this list so far was some degree of alcoholic, but this guy was the one who made everybody else go ‘whoa, that guy has problems.’ Bought two forties of King Cobra every day, and got his friends to help keep him drunk the rest of the time. A wildcard--during his visits, there was about a 50% chance he’d throw up on everything, and about a 50% chance that he’d take out the trash or something in exchange for some change. We got along pretty well, so I was usually in charge of coaxing him out of the store if things were closer to the ‘throw up everywhere’ end of the spectrum. He still projectile vomited directly onto my shirt once.

The less lucky town alcoholic: Like the previous guy, but less friendly and preferred a 20-pack of Natty Light every day. Had two teenagers who just hung out and drank with him all the time. About six years in, he went swimming and decided to dive off of a bridge into the river. The river was about two feet deep there, and he did not survive.

Shitty cop: There were a few cops and they all sucked, but this is the only one I remember. A bit of a smarmy jerk. Kept trying to blackmail one of the cashiers into fucking him on the grounds of, “I know you smoke weed constantly and haven’t arrested you yet, so why don’t you do me a favor in return?” On multiple occasions he’d come in complaining like ‘god they have us running everywhere trying to find out who did Crime X’ when The Guy Who Did Crime X was a customer who had come in an hour earlier telling us about Crime X, and we were always just like ‘damn dude that’s wild, wonder if you’ll ever catch him.’ The aforementioned baseball bat fight was one of these incidents.

Shitty prison guard: Came in every night after his shift to buy cigarettes before he went home. Hung around and chatted sometimes. A disconcerting number of his stories boiled down to “yeah, so today this prisoner stepped out of line, and haha, we kicked his ass really hard.” In retrospect I should’ve tried finding the right authority to report this shit to, but hell if the town cops would’ve cared.

The town weed dealer: A pretty chill guy. Literally everybody in town knew about him, so he was pretty popular with the customers and staff. One time the cops arrested him and took him back to his house to search the place, and he offered to unlock the door but they were all “no we’re doing this like a cool raid” and busted it down. He ended up suing the police department for the resulting damage and won. Because of this kind of incompetence and wildly illegal behavior from the cops, he never got arrested for more than a few days before a judge threw all the charges out.

Grumpy old guy #1: Ran a tree-trimming business. Came in every night and bought half a pound of cheddar and a bottle of vodka, which was his dinner as far as I could tell. Smoked like two packs of Lucky Strikes a day, so I'm not sure how he was still alive.

Grumpy old guy #2: Came in daily and scowled at our every attempt to get him to warm up, so one of my coworkers made it her mission to get him to smile. Finally, after months of this, he got a bit more open and friendly with us, until he started bringing us ice cream and stuff. This is around the point that the assistant manager pulled us aside and showed us the dude’s decades-long record of convictions for domestic violence and sexual assault; we did not eat his ice cream past that point. On one of the first days I worked there, the main road through town was shut down for hours because somebody got into a hostage situation with the cops. This was the guy.

Less grumpy old guy: Was the trustee of the township or some vague elected position like that. Came in every morning and chatted for a bit while he had his coffee and read the paper. Had long, grave conversations with people about The Future Of The Democratic Party and his place in it as a township manager.

Twenty-something ne’er-do-well: Had basically zero redeeming properties that I could find. Constantly bragging that he’d knocked up six different girls and then ghosted them. Picked fights in the parking lot. Probably the person who once beat the assistant manager over the head with a brick and ran off with like $100 in loose change. Once tried shoplifting a bottle of whiskey, and when confronted about it, switched to the defensive tactic of ‘actually that whiskey was in my underwear when I came in.’ One time I bought an almost-definitely-stolen VHS of Silence of the Lambs from him, which I probably should not have done, but it was the only way to get him to go away.

Juggalo with cancer: A twenty-something guy who had some kind of slow-burn cancer. He came in occasionally to hang out; when he did, there was a 50% chance he’d talk about comic books the whole time, and a 50% chance that he’d spend the whole time talking about how juggalos were the most discriminated-against minority in the country.

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bihansthot · 1 year

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I had rough times and deleted everything on my phone to feel a bit better. Just downloaded tumblr few mins ago and instantly I got the notification of your post. Damn I missed out what happened lately… first of all I know your bday is passed but still HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Second: CONGRATULATIONS!! That’s a big thing actually but people have different opinions and reactions to stuff so I don’t wanna be all negative about what just happened and your HUSBAND? When did that happened, I feel like I’m in the movie interstellar. Love you and I hope you feel better soon! 🤍🤍

You know I’ve been awful at responding lately when I missed two bday wishes and my bday was over two weeks ago. I’m so sorry it took me so long to get back to you as you probably know my life has just been medical chaos lately.

We sat down and had a good talk about it and it turns out I had totally misconstrued what they meant and I got upset for no reason. My partner (I’m trying to be better about using this term instead of husband now because they are nonbinary) explained that they very much wanted to celebrate my transplant anniversary with me and that I deserved that and reassured me that they were just in a bad head space at the time because they had been so worried about me lately with all the medical problems and hospital visits. I had no idea they had been so worried and stressed out about me because my partner has high functioning autism and adhd so they have a hard time expressing or showing emotion, so we agreed to try and be better about letting one another know when we were worried or anxious.

The current plan is we’re going to go to Las Vegas the weekend of the 25th of Aug and my actual transplant anniversary is the 25th. So it works out nicely for time off purposes for them that it’s on a Friday, I really want to go to the Bacchanal Buffet and Din Tai Fung and stay at the Luxor but everything else is kind of up in the air. I’m really proud of myself for making enough mental progress over these last few years to finally enjoy and celebrate this huge milestone, I may still hate the fact I had to have a heart transplant in the first place but it’s the reason I’m still here and dammit I’m going to eat some amazing food, get drunk and play slot machines because I’ve been through a shit load and deserve a celebration. I also want to honor and celebrate my donor though because without them I wouldn’t still be here and they are no longer with us, so I’ve decided to stop being a sad miserable, depressed, pitiful creature and live life for both of us. It took me a long ass time to get out of the self loathing, wanting to end everything pit but I finally am happy with life and happy with living so I’m going to make sure they get to experience that too in whatever philosophical way you want to interpret that.

So, for clarification sake I’ve been married to my then husband now partner for over 10 years now, we started dating 17 years ago and have been together ever since. I just don’t talk about them or being polyamorous too much because I see a lot of hate towards nonbinary people and polyamorous people, to clarify I’m AFAB personally gender fluid though I lean female and use female pronouns, I’m also pansexual if anyone was wondering but prefer men. My partner is AMAB, bisexual, nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns and I’m super proud of them for discovering who they are, because it hasn’t been easy for them. My boyfriend on the other hand is AMAB uses he/him pronouns and is very heterosexual but isn’t a cis het douche he’s all for trans rights and a good guy all around. So to summarize I’m polyamorous and have a partner of 17 years and a boyfriend of almost 9 months now. Both relationships are going very well and my mental health has never been better.

I hope your doing better my love I know you mentioned you went through a rough patch and I hope that’s all over now. I’m sending all the love.

#sol life #polyamourous #non bianry #gender fluid #pansexual #this post is all over the place #heart transplant #anniversary

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ryvvers · 1 year

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❆・:*｡( dylan o’brien. twenty-eight. cismale. ) | look who entered the cabin! it’s RYVER JONES. HE is known for being the VAINGLORIOUS of the group & that’s because they can be AFFABLE but also HEDONISTIC. we bet they’re excited to be coming back to the cabin. they believe ITS CALLED FREEFALL by RBK is the best way to describe them. wonder what trouble they’ll be getting into this season.

hey friends this intro is late & also not one of my best so i will probably be coming back and revamping it once or twice , but i am so excited to bring you ryver and to get to know you all !!

pinterest & connections

“ ──── 𝑩𝑰𝑶𝑮𝑹𝑨𝑷𝑯𝒀 .”

“ ──── 𝑩𝑨𝑺𝑰𝑪𝑺 .” `𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄.` ryver loch jones . `𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒.` ry , .`𝐀𝐆𝐄.` twenty-eight . `𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐃𝐀𝐘.` 21 March . `𝐙𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐂.` Aries . `𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑.` cismale . `𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒.` he/him . `𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.` heterosexual .`𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐍.` harbor springs, mi .“ ──── 𝑨𝑷𝑷𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑵𝑪𝑬 .” `𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌.` dylan o’brien . `𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑.` brown. `𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑.` dark brown . `𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐒𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄.` unkempt . `𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓.` 6'0 . `𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐑𝐄.` tracksuits are his comfort go-to, but usually jeans and a graphic tee .`𝐏𝐈𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒.` left ear . `𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐎𝐎𝐒.` tons of random ones that he’s drunkenly gotten !“ ──── 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀 .” `𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆.` it’s called: freefall by rbk . `𝐏𝐎𝐒 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐒.` affluent, meticulous, venturesome .`𝐍𝐄𝐆 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐒.` hedonistic, brittle, impulsive .`𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐆𝐄.` acts of service .`𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓.` chaotic neutral .`𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐒.` all of them he has no favorites .`𝐕𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐔𝐄𝐒.` kindness .`𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒.` picking at nails or nail polish, zoning out in the middle of conversations, smoking when drinking liquor & journaling before bed. `𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐁𝐈𝐄𝐒.` journaling/writing lyrics in his notebook, playing guitar, recording music, partying & staying out til morning comes when off.

while the jones’s weren’t the richest family to exist, will & jasmine made up for it by being the most supportive parents a kid could ever want. it didn’t matter what ryver’s dreams or ambitions were that week they believed in him & that was enough. at least when he was younger.

he was always rambunctious growing up & in school, though he spent most of his time in detentions or the administrative offices. ryver had a knack for knowing where people’s buttons were & exactly how to push them to get what he wanted, chaos.

Music has always been an outlet for him, but became even more of one after his parent’s signed him up for an after school program, there he made it known that music was what he wanted to do in life.

However he grew up and when his friends were applying to colleges he felt left out & applied on a whim for business. To his surprise he got in.

during college he still worked on his music and would have small gigs at the local bars or clubs.

Now works as a club promoter, but has an e.p coming out that he’s super excited about.

“ ──── 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 .”

his parents bought him his first electric guitar at 11 after saving enough. it wasn’t a les paul but it was tuned & sounded great so ryver didn’t mind if it was secondhand. He used it to record his ep.

has a collection of vinyls that are strictly for looks.

literally complains about social media,but will never delete his.

self-sabotaging king of everything in is life

When drunk will speak in accents and if someone calls him out on it will switch them.

has a breakdown for any minor inconvenience in his life.

#whintro #about #this is not my best work i apologize

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makeroomforthejolyghost · 1 year

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right so that moment has passed and now it turns out i do want to discuss my thoughts in some more detail lmao

like ok to be fair i'm an outsider to all this; i am not and never have been active in cpunk or -adjacent spaces. and i definitely feel like i have not seen the epicenter of this whole drama, since like. in browsing random disability blogs i have in the last week encountered multiple people whose posts for months have been 90% complaining about This Shit, and yet i have not encountered very much of the Shit in question at all?

like. i've seen a whole bunch of posts that go something like, "i can't believe abled NDs* have the gall to call us ableist bullies just for saying that chronic illness and autism are different experiences!", or like, "no matter how clear i make it that i'm talking about physical disability, all my posts end up with a billion notes tagged 'adhd' or 'depression' or whatever. why they gotta make everything about them! let us keep something to ourselves for once!", &/or c. usually in that order. but like... without the obvious middle stage where they argue on their blogs with actual objectors to this "let this be just for us" plea. so like maybe they've deleted most of those posts, or maybe the central example is on some cpunk bnf's blog which i just haven't happened to click on yet. idk. but my point is

that from my outsider's perspective it feels like a huge and sudden escalation? to have gone from "ugh not every post has to be about you; read the actual words i wrote, don't just pretend they said something else that you like better!" to, like, "in case you needed more proof that all abled NDs are ableist scum" rallying-the-troops type posts

and wow! i hate it! i cannot actually imagine a level of vitriol from The Other Side that would justify this bullshit.

i want, like?--i sorta hope that somewhere i've missed there's like, a long manifesto from the aforementioned (hypothetical) cpunk bnf about why they and their friends have suddenly decided that neurodivergent people don't count as disabled. even if i probably wouldn't agree with it, i'm still like. that should exist. you can't just start Asserting stuff like that, at people you know will take offense, without explaining anywhere why you've adopted these different discourse norms.

(or i mean--you can, but if you're not trying to escalate conflict then you really shouldn't.)

but.......... also it makes sense. not morally! but. logically. it seems to be a common problem with any echo-chambery discursive space? i remember when i was ~18-21 and much more Online, i would drink some shiny new kind of SJ koolaid and then forget within weeks that people who hadn't drunk that koolaid didn't know what it tasted like.

e.g. after that post that's like (i'm paraphrasing) "the expression 'boys will be boys' should be replaced with 'bad parenting leads to assholes'" got super popular, for years whenever i heard someone say "boys will be boys" i assumed they were either endorsing or deliberately mocking the sexist baggage with which i associate that phrase. when... no, pal; it's a common phrase. you have zero information about what it signifies in random strangers' minds

so like, i'm guessing that's what's gone on here? like like like, backing up a bit: i sympathize with and frequently feel for myself these people's rancor about mental illness (and, though to a much lesser extent, autism and adhd) being the public face of disability. and particularly the thing where like--

ten or fifteen years ago, when i first encountered awareness-raising activism about mental illness, a lot of it took the form of "you wouldn't download a car"-type comparisons with injury, illness, and/or central examples of physical disability. as in, like, rebuffing "your [mental illness accommodation] is just a crutch!" with "imagine telling someone on actual crutches that they shouldn't rely on a crutch" &c.

when what their intuition told them was about physical vs. mental or visible vs. invisible illness was really more about acute vs. chronic illness.**

and like a. this mistake is very annoying, since it leads to a lot of mentally ill/invisibly ill people assuming incorrectly that physically disabled/visibly ill people don't get doubted and belittled the same way they do, when uhhhh guess again.

but also b. it means that while from my perspective it seems super mega obvious that mental illness is the public face of disability in 2023, many people who care a whole lot about activist efforts on behalf of mental illness but who don't know much about other kinds of disability activism still, erroneously, inexplicably think that the reason they don't see as many campaigns like this for other kinds of disability is because physically disabled people are seen/accepted already and don't need to fight for that the way mentally ill people did/still do.

when like.

...this is such a tiny example but i'm bitter about it so: the other day on my university campus i saw a fundraising booth about support for mental illness. you can't log in to our canvas page without seeing a mental health hotline pop up in the corner. nearly every professor i've had here has at some point gone on a tangent about how important it is to support mental health. many times we've had little impromptu class discussions about the unique struggles faced by people with (always this phrase) "invisible illnesses like depression." my school is really really loud about how much it cares about student mental health.*** and i don't think any of these people know that when i encounter these pronouncements i feel like my own experience has been overlooked

so yes, ok? it pisses me off also when mentally ill/neurodivergent awareness-raisers, activists, and people generally think it's like. an underdog move. punching up, if you will. to reblog posts about chronic pain/other phsyical disability and add "this can apply to mental illness, too!" as if that's a mindblowing revelation to us stuckup, old-guard invalids when like. y-yeah, we know that mental illness also sucks. many of us (raises hand) experience it ourselves, and even if we haven't? we too have seen the internet. the mental illness experience is way more legible to the general public than ours is, so it's really fuckin annoying when people co-opt descriptions of our experience to be about theirs.

but like. the fact you (a physically disabled blogger) have now had this conversation with your (also physically disabled and blogging) friends doesn't mean you get to treat people who weren't in on that conversation like hopeless reactionaries??? this is like me in 2012 seeing the term "friend zone" as a red flag no matter who flew it, even though 2011 me had used that term nonjudgmentally and had no inkling of its entitled/sexist undertones.

like i can remember the exhaustion of communicating with waves of internet strangers who can't be bothered to backread your blog a few pages before commenting on some viral post but. th-that is the thing that's occurring here?? multiple waves of people who, each, individually, see something that without context looks inflammatory. not one wave of pigheads who refuse to listen.

*their term, not mine. don't like this at all myself. see previous post

**though to be fair, i don't doubt that plenty of otherwise-healthy people have been accused of "attention seeking" even for, like, a sprained ankle. or for still audibly sniffling when they come back to work after having had the flu. some people are just....? dicks? just dicks. if you can imagine a bad behavior, it's probably common somewhere.

****does this decrease the rate of mental illness in our student body? hahahaha no, probably not

#things i should hate thursdays

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sploink · 1 year

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Thinking about that time back in 2019 when I blew up on TikTok and accidentally became a host for a children’s show.

All of this feels like a fever dream, but it happened. Luckily it all ended before the pandemic so I don’t think many will remember it, and I am very ok with that. Everything is deleted, and again, happened years ago before TikTok became a household name.

At this point in time, the content of TikTok was changing over from the music “transition” videos to 2nd generation Vine. It was easy to stay under the radar and there wasn’t any content creator drama.

My videos were basically a super suuuuuper exaggerated version of myself, but I can proudly say I NEVER broke character. Kept the videos PG-13, the but the majority were PG honestly. Didn’t really aim for it, that was just the direction the character ended up going in. Lots of absurd situations (mostly in public but not really interacting with people) that lead to countless innuendos, but no curse words or sexual content. No “heavy” conversations, no drama. Just filthy frank, wholesome tumblr shitposts, meets bob ross all day long. Ended up enjoying it.

I interacted with folks while in character. Replied to every comment. (There weren’t many at that point) Being absolutely ridiculous. So fun.

Then, deep in character, I did a reaction video to a dancing content influencer who was fairly well known and she LOVED IT.

Boom, followers were coming in 10k every few days. Went from having 34 followers to >600k in A MONTH.

It was absolutely wild. It got insane but I tried not to panic and just went with the flow.

Commit to the bit.

Anyway, I hosted my first livestream (sweaty palms.) Around ~25-40 folks were popping in and out, but it was really chill and everyone was being pretty cool in general. Pretty “rated- PG.” Stay in character.

Then I noticed something really weird about the chat. Almost everyone was typing like they were absolutely hammered, bad spelling and the sentences barely made sense. I figured they weren’t native English speakers or just super drunk for some reason, no biggie. It was a pretty cool night just chatting away being cringe. I’d go to their page and it would be blank, or the videos were locked. Ok, whatever, carry on. (Like a fool)

Anywho, get to streaming once a week, and just chattering away got boring so I basically hosted a super tame trivia night.

Stuff like “okay, guess what song this is” after playing only 5 seconds. I’d literally go to the grocery, pick up a bottle of salad dressing and ask “guess what the main ingredient is?” Like this HAD to be boring; but I commited to the bit and was suuuper cringe about everything.

Made a leader board that for folks who participated; drew out shitty stars with their usernames and staple it to the ceiling, trees, whatever…(idk. Gotta stay silly. That’s also anyone who cares biggest hint)

After like, two months, I was like ok guys whoever gets the most points after this stream we can collab a video it’ll be awesome. It was fun! All of my followers who could barely speak English were super into this!

After the stream, I contact the person who won so we could collab. It was a kid. Not a 15 year old, no no, like, 7.

What. The. Fuck.

But, I made a promise and the video he wanted a collab with was silly so “I’ll do it, but your parents need to know this is happening.” And it was cool, his parents had apparently been watching the livestreams and we’re fine with it. ??? Uh, ok. Silly video time! It was fun and his parents were very nice; it was heartwarming to know they were both involved in the kids online experience.

But, uh oh, flashbacks to my livestreams….all the people that can’t type. What if, just, what if, they are KIDS?!?! (Panic)

So I make a video, in character, asking anyone who is under 16 to please ask your parents if it’s ok to watch my videos and have them feel free to reach out and ask any questions.

Y’all. The response was wild. Parents were taking over the accounts, doing reaction videos, letting me know they approve of the videos and livestreams. They went on to let me know “it’s nice to see my kid watch videos that are aimed at kids.” ?????? Uhhhhhb ????

“You’re welcome?”

So, I just continue my videos and even a few livestreams. It was so nice for awhile.

But at that point I was hyper aware that I’m this wholesome cringe character that has content out there that appeals to young CHILDREN. I realized it was only a matter of time before someone would come at me and ruin the experience. I’m an adult man, making videos online, knowing kids are watching. Creepy. Even if I make it VERY clear that I want parents to interact and know that they see them. It all just made me feel unsettled and a bit nauseous.

On a random night. Blocked everything. I deleted it all. Shut it down completely overnight. No regrets.

Now and then I wonder what those kids thought, when I just suddenly disappeared with no explanation. But honestly, it’s for the best.

I haven’t made another account since, but from a third party perspective it seems like it’s changed SO MUCH that it wouldn’t be fun at all anymore.

This got sad.

#tiktok #real life #life lessons

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