#so that's pretty much all I have to say

[mariana-oconnor]

The AO3 search/filtering system has just ruined me for every other search function ever. I genuinely go onto websites, click 'advanced search' and then look at what paltry options they've given me in utter horror. How does anyone find anything? How do people survive?

#AO3 #I'm not saying that I can always find exactly what I'm looking for if I want a specific fic #but 9 times out of 10 I can #And yes this is as much down to the dedication of the users tagging things effectively #If people didn't use the tagging system it would be useless #But people do #and then the tag wranglers make it all work so well #Glory to the tag wranglers #and it's just beautiful #I could weep #Also I'm pretty sure some of the fics I'm looking for have been deleted #Which is tragic #and I can't find them on the wayback machine either #Lost to the abysm of time and now living only in my memory #Alas #alack #alas and alack

[toytulini]

listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.

yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?

maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".

get a better joke

#toy txt post #god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones #let it flop..........pls #internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop #i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having #1 million bajillion disclaimers #virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word #disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word #grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used #to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023 #and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like #im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild #i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good' #like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you #but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches' #'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay #god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil #but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful #and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like #hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine #and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr #and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like #and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay #its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat #? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty? #you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right #stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny #whatever #if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll #i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.

[paper-mario-wiki]

ive exclusively been playing it by ear with the makeup (no tutorials or anything) and i somehow always end up looking like a secretary kind of so ive been practicing looking exasperated while wearing makeup cuz i figure i gotta work with what im given ya know

#image #thank you for all the kind words #i typically tend to stay away from full sincerity online because i think having a few layers between what you see and what i am is like #a reasonable safety measure for someone with a massive following to take #but i will say that im very lucky to have already accumulated a following of people so in support of *this* already #because it makes it much easier #theres still a lot of parts of it that dont feel real and probably wont for a while but right now #but while im just putting on makeup to feel pretty and posting pics for fun #before im ready to take a deep breath and fully commit to a shift of name and pronouns #just for right now #i appreciate it

[jeeaark]

Alright. So. I'm not making this triangle conclusion because I like triangles

But because it's the only. the only conclusion I could make

For the morning after. After noticing Babe-

YOU'D THINK it'd go that Lae'zel and friends would never find out because even though I wanted to tell Lae'zel, A SHAME IT DIDN"T GIVE ME THE OPTION. A SHAME THE GAME WANTED ME TO KEEP THIS A DANG SECRET FROM MY TEAM AND JUST HAVE SOME SIMPLE-ASS INTERNAL CONFLICT.

But ohnononono, this magical patch 0 playthrough had other plans. Because for some reason. Babe was talking like we were in ACT 1 again. Babe became a killer coconut again

Babe knew. BABE KNEW ABOUT LAST NIGHT. AND BABE WAS CRANKY (understandably so of course)

And yet. Babe was also still allowing kisses. so. not. not OVER. BABE STILL LOVED THIS IDIOT HALF-ORC.

So. I could only conclude this. This is why.

and totally not because apparently it was a glitch (that they now fixed) all along pff

SO. Maybe just. This once. With this Tav. This playthrough. A Godsdamn Love Triangle friggin' happened alfdjkkasdj

Bonus (Because Greygold had to tell somebody):

#bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #lae'zel #bg3 emperor #the emperor bg3 #greygold #bg3 fanart #bg3 comic #Lae'zel is definitely sorting out her feelings with murder again #pretty sure lae'zel knows what illithids smell like what with being on the nautiloid and all #didn't have no functioning soap in this playthrough NEITHER SO- #stinky half-orc #sometimes glitches make a game/story experience so much WILDER #meanwhile my silly ass played the rest of the game thinking cranky lae'zel was intentional #like it was the game's way of saying she knew #remember how I said relationships can get bumpy? #well THIS ONE WAS A FRIGGIN' ROLLERCOASTER RIDE

[crescentfool]

orpheus and thanatos 💚

#persona 3 #ryomina #ryoji mochizuki #minato arisato #makoto yuki #lizzy does art #HIII EVERYONE :3 happy halloween.... (has been working on this for four weeks off and on) #i've always yearned to see art of ryoji and minato based on thanatos and orpheus!!! #i know that ryoji can be likened to being the eurydice figure which i agree with but I HAVE BEEN THINKING SO HARD ABT THEM LIKE THIS OK. #it was nice to give drawing something more ambitious (for my standards) an earnest try again! i love working with lineless and lighting #and working on this has inspired me to HOPEFULLY start doing some studies of sorts! i want to learn so many things... #all so that i can make ryomina as epic as possible... #also LET ME TELL YOU that thanatos coffins are making me realize i seriously need to do drawabox or something. #trying to put them in perspective is hard... but im pretty happy with what i made!!! #also can i just say i love how shapely orpheus is?? i love orpheus joints etc etc its so nice. very fresh #sighs longingly. i love them very much they make me want to do better at things. i hope everyone has a wonderful week ahead! 💙 #very excited to see what people do for ryomina week (<- they haven't made anything 4 it yet bc Busy... but i'll submit smthn late maybe)

[turtleblogatlast]

Something I’ve been thinking about lately is that small moment in “Air Turtle” where immediately after the Daves lose yet another game, Leo says how sorry he is and how he’s doing his best as the mascot. This moment is so short but it’s honestly jam-packed with a whole heap of characterization.

His need to apologize for things clearly not his fault - especially when it feels like he messes up the job he was given despite doing the best he can (the phrase “it’s not about you” takes a new meaning when this is one of the lessons to be learned from that - that he is not always solely responsible for things going wrong), his need to save face and make a connection with an older adult man in his life (something he consistently does throughout the series - he’s got a few daddy issues, always collecting potential father figures, it’s no wonder he jumps at the bit to keep rapport), and the way he sounds and looks and the words he chooses really pushes how he is just a kid (“Mr. the Dunk, I’m so sorry”).

Like I know it’s a one off moment that doesn’t truly mean much, but when put against the rest of the series it works really well with the rest of Leo’s established character and helps in solidifying later concepts as well.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rise leo #rottmnt headcanons #am I looking too much into things? almost assuredly yes #I actually appreciate how tim immediately goes ‘it’s not your fault’ as well? like he could’ve just blamed this 15/16 year old but he didn’t #but yeah this moment got to me a little mainly because it made me realize that Leo…DOES take responsibility for things a lot #he messes up a ton yeah but he says sorry at a pretty consistent rate #and y’know thinking about it #THIS IS TINFOIL HAT TERRITORY BE WARNED #he’s mentioned being betrayed by his brothers before - I wonder if it was something as simple as taking the fall for like #breaking something of Splinters or whatever #point is it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to get the full blame for something only partially his fault #or not his fault at all in some cases #like in bug busters where Raph gets mad at Leo for not getting captured with them #(I understand Raph’s mindset here a ton - Raph’s the leader and he’s likely lashing out so I don’t blame the poor kid) #but this plus the moment at the beginning of the movie #where only Leo is reprimanded despite Mikey and Donnie having full autonomy to join the fun pizza stacking #make no mistake this is not at all a diss on everyone else!!! it’s just something I noticed #I think that “it’s not about you” doesn’t just pertain to being arrogant and wanting the spotlight #I think it’s also about how responsibility is meant to be shared #and like #Leo DOES mess up a lot! so he’s honestly probably used to having the blame because it is often at least somewhat warranted #he’s specifically described as being good at apologizing after all #tldr: Leo messes up a lot of the time so he is very used to blame and attention both good and bad #even when the full blame should not be solely on his shoulders

[ofswordsandpens]

"the Gabe and Sally dynamic in the show is abusive" and "the way they've portrayed Gabe in the show is distinctly different from his book counterpart and fans can criticize that" are two discussions that can coexist

#I understand that this is hard topic to navigate #but me saying that /they've changed Gabe and that's consequently altered the dynamic he has with Sally in way I don't like/ #is NOT me saying I don't think what they've portrayed onscreen is non-abusive #or that I WANT to see him abuse her??? #its just the guy in the show while clearly controlling and abusive (emotionally and financially so far) #...I don't believe he's the guy who's presence was so horrid and disgusting MONSTERS avoided him #I wouldn't call him /Smelly/ #in the book his abuse (all forms) is much more overt #(and just to be painstakingly clear: abuse doesn't have to be overt to be abuse) #but the guy in the show does not have the same presence as the guy in the book #book Gabe is menacing #he growls and he threatens and both Sally and Percy have developed very specific responses to deal with it #I've seen one take saying that people can't recognize the abuse in the show because its not physical (yet?) #but even disregarding the physical abuse entirely #if you compare the book scene and TV show scene of Percy arriving home and he and Sally readying for Montauk #there is a pretty stark difference in tone #and in how both Sally and Percy interact with Gabe #in the book Sally goes out of her way to avoid /provoking/ Gabe and asks Percy to do the same until they can leave for Montauk #and Gabe is just itching for any excuse to keep them home #and imo if Book Sally had said the things that show Sally did to Gabe #Gabe wouldn't have let them gone! #and again im not saying that the show's depiction is nonabusive #or unrealistic #im saying its simply /different/ than the book #and im upset that it doesn't feel like dynamic depicted the book #and no book sally is no simpering wilting flower #but she's also not what they depicted in the show either #pjo adaptation #sally jackson #pjo

[beatcroc]

there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y

hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]

#ramble after realtags yeag. shoutout to serrangelic btw suggesting the silhouettes thing bc i would have Died otherwise #pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #fake peppino #gustavo and brick #arting #pizzaposting #so anyway i think fake peppino has like. a general awareness that he is supposed to Be Peppino and that he was Made to do that #and likewise he does generally try to...do that. the thing he does NOT realize is hes like really goddamn bad at it #not to be mean but like...c'mon. they are pretty distinctly different kinds of guys even beyond the physiology yknow. #he's neither on-brand nor fooling anyone dsjdsjjkgfsd. BUT! #since the rest of the cast generally likes him [at least as I play it] he thinks hes doing just fine #he's like 'oh they r happy with me so i must be getting a good grade in being peppino :)' #so getting told that 'yeah you actually really suck at that but that was never the reason people liked you' #and told that by og model peppino no less--yknow THE guy he's supposed to be living up to #who's already a bit intimidating for that and who ALSO totally wrecked him TWICE in the tower #making him acutely familiar with just how formidable the guy is and how much there IS to live up to.... #it's a Moment for sure. not really a sad or hurt one though. just... contemplative. #thinking abt people liking him for being the guy he's already naturally been being even though that guy is Not Peppino #i don't think he's gonna be super broken up about realizing he has a bad grade in peppino given everything else hes got now #nor do i really think he cares enough to go like reinvent himself or whatever after the fact #he seems to b pretty clearly having fun with it already so i think he just keeps doing that #and in some cases he still has the pre-installed peppino traits/instincts like to cooka da pizza. and that's fine #is this projection. yes. but if youve been following me awhile you know most of my character writing is ghdhfdgf #gonna kinda expand on all this in the gerome one which is...one after next. itll be a bit but man. #anyway peppino will never admit to anyone and especially not himself that he's gotten a little attached to the guy. hee hoo #pep tends to be kinda surly but he certainly has his ways of showing he cares. all of which are on display here #''that thing is not my son'' says man currently watching thing's antics with the 'bemused dad' arms crossed pose. yeah ok buddy. #gus is totally onto him already but hes not gonna say anything. #if u read all this ur prize is not having to go decode fp's rot13. his lines are ''meant to be you...?'' and ''wrong question.''

[a2zillustration]

I carried this thing for MONTHS with the EXPRESS PURPOSE of putting Raphael in it (knowing full well Larian wouldn't let me do that, mechanically) and I had one major miscalculation.

| First | | Previous | | Next |

[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]

[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]

#Ok I'm gonna ramble in the tags about all this get ready: #I KNEW Larian wouldn't let me actually pull this off but I PROMISE you that stupid flask sat in my inventory since the moment I grabbed it #WAITING for when I could write this little bit about putting Raphael in it #I even threw it at him in the fight with a 30% hit chance and it succeeded so I considered that Larian giving me permission to say it workd #But as I was reading up on it again when I was sketching this I saw the bit about native planes and I cried LMAO. But it's dnd- #so I rewrote is as it would've happened in a game. U kno. #Also I have been waiting to use that fox line for SO LONG bc of Croissant's dad being a fox-like fey creature #So much backstory that's slotted in PERFECTLY with the BG3 narrative #Anyway absolutely wild that we managed to take out this ancient powerful devil - and on the first try! #Lae'zel with a potion of speed did WORK. Gale came in clutch with hold monster. Astarion gave Raph stage fright. Croissant made him dance #(I'm pretty sure he just doesn't have a dance animation in ascended form lol) #Hope didn't even need to use divine intervention - this party is terrifying #Croissant hated him but in the end I loved Raphael I see why all you people like him #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #act III spoilers #house of hope #croissant adventures #tav #raphael #lae'zel #iron flask #comics #ALSO shoutouts to you if you both noticed and knew which worthikids animation I borrowed the expression in panel 5 from

[bogkeep]

truly videogames are such a good medium for stories where Something Is Wrong With Time... every game with a saving mechanic has a time travel function, be it acknowledged in universe or not. games can give you the option to experience pieces of story in a non-linear fashion or skip them entirely. time and timing is no longer bound to the confines of a movie's runtime or pages of a book...!

#yes of course this is inspired by isat and insertdisc5s Comics about this topic #but im currently playing the new prince of persia game and essentially Time Is Broken #you could even say SOMETHING IS ROTTING... FAILING........ #and by playing i mean im Dying; Constantly #but im actually having so much fun. i never would've gotten it if it didn't have a demo so i could see if it's playable to me at all #and it's Challenging but i Can play it AND there's a lot of settings and accessibility features!!!! #so that if it does become too hard for me i can change that and that's a big comfort to me #this game is so pretty btw.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

End of Empathy (time for violence)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan jingyi #jin ling #lan sizhui #We are back to the present! Honestly I think I'm going to try and truncate the rest of this arc. #I LOVE yi-city and I really appreciate all of the support the yi-city lovers have given me. And the patience of those who aren't. #But it's been two months. And I need to move this along </3 #Anyways; I love the start of ep 3 so much. The worried concern of the juniors is so cute #but the crown jewel by far is wwx responding like a parent that's very hungover but trying so hard to be nice about it #like 'shhh shhhh guys hi I'm up now. Can you keep the volume down. Can you get me some water and my sunglasses from the glovebox.' #and of course the incredible wham line of 'Xue Yang Must Die.' #'Is YX irredeemable? I'm pro 'everyone is capable of change and deserves a chance.' So Im of the camp of 'if he had the opportunity...maybe #The issue is that this setting has no structure to provide those opportunities. You are perceived as a threat therefor you must die #XY is a very interesting parallel to the YLLZ because they both meet the same fate: outsiders determining that they need to be killed #plus both did war crimes. I know it's easy to forget the YLLZ actually did do some of the things he was accused of (most wrong) #but wwx also has blood on his hands. He also sought revenge in pretty twisted ways. Both were given opportunities to step away and refused #The difference is that we empathize with and like XXC & SL and A-Qing. The Narrative says they were wronged and that is an injustice.'

[ricky-mortis]

@kairithemang0 has been absolutely cooking with this Spies Are Forever Pirate AU, and so I drew his “Owen but in Jim from Treasure Planet’s outfit” idea.

#I love this so much #I wanna design actual pirate outfits for all of them #I have an idea for Tati’s that I wanna try drawing at some point #designing outfits is hard put it can be so fun #this is a good warm up to doin pirate ones tho #I think he came out lookin pretty good if I say so myself #kinda slaying #saf aus beloved #spies are forever #spies arrr forever #owen carvour #tin can bros #I should draw Owen more often #my art #:)

[chalkscrub]

random STUFF - in order, we have oap infighting, donk faces (hardest thing in the world to draw), and yet another lineup of morally dubious individuals

#my art #anthro #furry #oc #coltarch #mockley #florian #heidi #mika #sorryyyy all i be doing right now is using this brush........what can i say i'm a girl who loves to experiment #(pretty much first time trying something new in almost a year) #i'm having a lot of fun with it though. idk if it looks good to people but on god it is fun #as I speak a fennel gratin of my own design bakes in the oven at 180'c #and is awaiting me to add the cherry tomatoes on top whereupon i will acquiesce it back into the oven for another 15 minutes #so everything can char and blister nicely #btw id be remiss if i didn't thank team handshake for giving me my first splatfest win ever. firm handshakes all around

[sakasakiii]

uncle nolo and little maedhros shenanigans is a concept that lives rent free in my head and i had the draft for this comic sitting in my head since november 🕺 it likely takes place a few years after nelyo was born before nolo married, and unlike arafinwe who leapt shamelessly into unclehood, he was a lot more reserved and hesitant to even interact with his nephew for fear of deepening feanor's distaste even more HHAHA

bonus in which nolo's fears are proven true:

the cute sparkle bg i used can be found on cartoon network's website !

#silmarillion #maedhros #fingolfin #feanor #finwe #finwe: all according to keikaku #little mae having his uncles and aunties wrapped around his finger is something i can see happening HAHAHA #he learnt how to perfect capitalising on cuteness to get his way before he moved onto rhetoric and oratory skills #nolo is the uncle who doesnt say much at family gatherings but is actually pretty fun to play with so all the kids bully him #the silmarillion #good uncle fingolfin #the silmarillion fanart #silm #silm art #silm comic #comic #feanorians #house of finwe #maitimo #noldor #silmart #silmarillion comic #elves #lotr elves #sakasakart

[icewindandboringhorror]

#cats #outing myself once again as someone whos not attune whatsoever to human culture but - in all honesty I do not know #what 'psspsspss' means despite loving cats my entire life hghj.. I've just seen people online describe that as how you call a cat #but I have never in my life witnessed someone call a cat by making that noise or made that noise myself. I can't even think of an example o #it so I genuinely don't even know what that's supposed to be but. Included because I've seen it so much it must be something to someone #even when I was a kid I pretty much always just meowed to cats and tried to sound exactly like them or whatever meow I associated with them #obviously not literally saying “ME OW” but doing an actual cat meow. often times a kind of 'prrrow' sort of noise where you trill your tong #ue then lead into a softer vocal tone .. maybe like 'mrrrrauh' or something? Or sometimes just a trilling chirp immitating the #cat's ''mrrrrp'' they do sometimes. I used to mimic small kittens to get the attention of cats #with their like very high pitches squeky whine with a little bit of air out the nostrils at the end to imitate the sound of them having #tiny lungs that don't hold much air so with a long loud 'mew' it's sometimes a little strained near the end #Though usually I just imitate the cat that I'm around at the time. Sometimes I have done kind of a combination kissy lip sort of noise #tongue clicking. almost like tapping on the back of your front teeth with your tongue and sucking in. almost makes kind of a squirrel noise #ANYWAY... curiouse....

[aquickstart]

ok sure i'll talk about farleigh start. i'll talk about his tragedy of never being enough as it were and then having to deal with fucking oliver. sure. disclaimer: it's about class (and race) and the horrible reality of the rich. the horrible reality of living as farleigh.

another disclaimer: i'm white! and poc definitely pick up on everything i'm talking about here as it is, and better. i was and am specifically interested in farleigh vs. oliver but it's impossible to examine without considering race. definitely let me know if anything abt this sucks!

farleigh and oliver are similar. it's annoying because every intruder that is not himself is annoying, partly because felix's attention swaying from farleigh is dangerous; there is always a threat of being discarded, even if no precedent existed. the potential is terrifying.

but you'd think he's seen this before, every summer (if venetia is telling the truth) or at least often enough to learn to recognize it fast, so he should know this will pass. part of it is i think still the deep anxiety, and i think he hated every boy that was there before, and it is sort of routine.

but definitely a huge factor in farleigh's annoyance is the fact that he's a biracial (black for cattons, that's all they see) man in a white rich household. he's alert and exhausted all the time. of course he's angry at oliver, regardless of whether he's the first to crash at saltburn for the summer or the fifty-first.

but the important thing is this.

farleigh is very jealous of and angry and pissed at oliver because farleigh sees all the similarities between them. outsider, in financial trouble, whatever it is, in need of cattons; and yet oliver is preferred. and farleigh seems to be the only one to really consider it. felix does not pick up on the hint when farleigh brings up the birthday party vs. his mother. felix's clumsy "different or... anything like that" is as much about race as it is about class, of course. the "we've done all that we can" bit is felix absolving himself of guilt because surely they had, surely the mysterious collective cattons that he's not really part of had tried all they could do. to him, farleigh is different from oliver, because farleigh has been helped. felix is rich and white and twofold uncomfortable with farleigh, even if he's nice about it, even if he genuinely enjoys his company; he doesn't look too close at farleigh because he feels too guilty to come too close. and farleigh can't do anything about it. he can't nice himself into it. the fucking tragedy of him is that he's never enough in the world of the ultra-rich white, even if (especially because!) he's born into it.

farleigh is very pissed at oliver because farleigh also sees all the differences between them. you know who can be nice poor white enough to fit in? fucking oliver. felix says "just be yourself, they'll love you" when oliver first moves in. farleigh was also probably told the same thing, and felix also probably believed that farleigh could just be himself, but even if the cattons were magically not racist at all (impossible), it wouldn't make a difference to farleigh. he would still self-censor, keep in check, be in dangerous waters (because racism is not just about the individual, but about the system). we see that he'd won himself leeway by years of trial and error by the way he speaks to the family, but it's still within the boundaries of acceptable, built by the cattons. he's part of them because they allow it, and farleigh is very, very aware.

the annoying thing is oliver can be himself. like, truly, genuinely, he can just be. and farleigh can't help but envy that.

as a side note, oliver is obviously jealous of farleigh in the beginning as well, because regardless of the reality of farleigh's situation, he was born into it, and hence, at least in oliver's mind, has his position solidified. oliver's whole thing is unquenchable thirst and hunger for whatever and everything the cattons have (including themselves!). he wishes to have been a catton from birth. to oliver, at first, there's nothing farleigh can really do to lose it. and until he figures out the cattons completely, he can't help but envy that.

but i think farleigh senses something different about oliver early on. at least on the level of the text, we have "you're almost passing [for] a real, human boy", which is so important because farleigh is the first to point out oliver's weirdness. the next to do so is venetia in the bath scene calling him a freak, but it's too late. farleigh is too early.

and i like to think he clocks oliver too early because he sees the jagged edges that he recognizes in himself. i think that one other thing that farleigh envies is oliver's freedom to let go. freedom to let go is very similar to freedom to be, but not quite the same.

to be is about perception: farleigh knows he cannot fall out of line, but would like to, and oliver does not have to worry about it at all (i mean, he does, because oliver also performs for felix, but farleigh doesn't know that).

to let go is about the self: farleigh is too scared to even want what oliver eventually does, to even consider the possibility. oliver can let himself want. oliver can let himself act. oliver just can do things and want things. i'm not sure farleigh can.

and so in this scene, when oliver's wants and actions have landed him nowhere with farleigh, felix, venetia, the cattons, of course farleigh gloats. he can let himself do that, because if the cattons are slowly discarding him, farleigh can allow himself this one small victory. he's relieved because despite the dangerous similarities, oliver is, thankfully, not really the same as farleigh, right?

but like. this movie is a love letter to all things gothic. oliver is a white man. he prevails. the brief performance that oliver put on did eventually end up more effective than farleigh's lifetime of constraint. my heart fucking breaks for him to be honest.

the issue that remains is the fact of farleigh's survival. i like to think that oliver came to respect him. oliver is smart, but farleigh is clever. he picks up on everything oliver does (to refer back to the karaoke scene, farleigh immediately retaliates in the cleverest way, in the moment), and he's the only one to do so consistently (venetia, again, for example, comes close, but too late; oliver doesn't like that, there's nothing to work with). hence, stay with me for a little longer, the paradox: farleigh survives because he was never enough for the cattons, but he is very worthy of oliver's attention. in his own freaky way, oliver wants him. look at that.

so. farleigh. farleigh might come back. he always comes back. and i think oliver wants to try harder next time.

#saltburn #farleigh start #i think someone mentioned how the race commentary was fleeting in that scene abt his mom but i disagree #it runs thru the whole movie #because oliver is white and because they're pitted against each other #im not saying its the best commentary ever and also like the movie is not about it at all #but it's there and it's pretty prominent #also on a completely different note can we talk about how oliver correctly assumed everyone at saltburn desires him carnally #dude pulled all the bitches by being strange and off-putting. i mean i completely get it. completely get it. i'd fold so fast you've no ide #also while i was writing i realized that yes indeed both farleigh and oliver perform for felix and its so fascinating #and it works for oliver because of course it does because hes white #anyway! again! let me know if this sucks #in like any way at all #i needed a masterpost of all and every thought i have about farleigh #i think this pretty much covers it so i'll let it go now #HES SO. like do you UNDERSTAND #the DEFINITION of doomed by the narrative but i LOVE that he survives #as he SHOULD #emerald is so right. he does come back and quickstart just torture each other in that house forever. besties for life #god im gonna shut up now this is so horrendously long #mine #saltburn journaling