#so why try

[my-mt-heart]

Their chemistry is a fucking goldmine. Nothing else comes close.

#so why try #caryl #carol peletier #melissa mcbride #darylneedscarol

[sweetdreamspootypie]

Trying to take and enjoy the opportunity to achieve an adulting milestone goal of mine

But being confronted by the fact that doing so inherently involves my parents are participants and witnesses so regardless of how much or little I try or care, the only guarantee is criticism, with anything I'm proud of going entirely unnoticed and disregarded as unimportant

So

Hard to muster the motivation for the effort

When the internal voice is just "why bother, nobody gives a shit" (except me) (so why put myself in that position) (because the point of the goal is to move beyond the past limitations imposed by my parents) (growth is a really annoying process) (hey at least I know H's mum will say something nice)

#Ventpost #I am tired but still need to do things #If it's worth doing at all I don't wanna do it half-assed #Bc that will just prove my parents right #Don't want to give them reason #But it's hard looking around and know regardless of how much I do actually genuinely try #There is always going to be something for them to notice as my failure #So why try #Again #Because I want to #But #And thus the circle continues #My life #Using Tumblr as a diary #I need to write a real diary #I forget so much #I want to remember that we do things together

[rubarb69]

Theres something so special about cutting your own hair; maybe it is uneven and choppy, and maybe it does frame your face poorly. But its still uniquely yours. Self actualization or something

#poetry #something about trans joy #maybe #idk #only you have to wake up with yourself every day #be happy with who that person is #plus. the choppy at-home look is in.... right? #and like if you say you slay and serve then you will. even if your hair is a botched mess #infact it might add to it #its a silly goofy element #ive spent my whole life being considerate #being palatable #and even still #people are disgusted by me #so why try #why not be myself 100% of the time #if people are gonna call me a freak i might as well put on a show

[nexus-nebulae]

maybe if i knew why people hate me i could actually do something to fix it, but

#i dont even want to try anymore #it always ends the same way #and i can't even sit here and say 'whats the point' bc i know what the point is. i actively want to change this #but i just. can't anymore. i have no tools to. i have no knowledge of what i have to do. #and i don't have any way of knowing the difference between my shortcomings and other people's #is this my fault or someone else's #so i have no way of knowing if i'm being logical or reasonable #so i just. can't do it. i can't try. i don't want to. i don't know what i'm doing wrong and i can't get it right ever. #so why try

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[soothedcerberus]

Does anybody remember Dragon Tales? 🥺

#pbs kids #dragon tales #nostalgia #my art #artists on tumblr #sketchbook #watercolors #doodle #was my third fav show on the network next to sagwa and clifford #insects #bugs #i went through like 7 pages trying to draw cassie lol no idea why she was so hard to get down

[zytes]

this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

#misc #I encourage anyone dyslexic to try rotating him in your mind. I can’t do that; which is why I’m asking you to. #also: a bunch of tags are surprised this isn’t ‘shopped #it’s the lighting. backlit by the sun (which is diffused through the water) but also forelit artificially #the artificial light - a flash pack or something - casts a hard shadow under the creatures arm #which normally wouldn’t be possible if backlit by the SUN; you’d see a less-hard/more-fragmented shadow above water #as light sources ‘compete’ in a sense - and since there aren’t any light sources which can outshine the literal sun #it looks a bit weird when the darkest shadow is being cast from any other origin point - which is what’s essentially happening here #I don’t know the mechanics of how light travels through water; but I know the effect is substantial even with relatively short distances #also: it’s been balanced and color corrected by the author of the photo - who made deliberate choices to bring out the full potential #so it’s not like it’s a fresh and untouched export #but the kind of ‘tacked on’ appearance of the creature is a result of the lighting conditions within the image

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire #'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem #the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted #also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out #so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has said‚ it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my #notifs page cleanish lol #also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3 #secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because #of investors bankrolling everything #and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest #however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point #once again. so many murder dollars #so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction #anyways . love yall 💕 #origibberish #bigger gibbers

[hansoeii]

crowley

#fem presenting crowley you're everything to me #as you might know I've been recovering from an injury these past few weeks which is why I couldn't draw as much as usual #been doing a bit better so I wanted to give drawing a try again #while my arm isn't back to normal yet it feels a LOT better than 2 weeks ago #which is a good sign #still gonan take things easy of course #good omens #good omens fanart #crowley #fem crowley #why was one of teh suggestions for that tag fem crocodile #I'll have to look that up #david tennant #crowley fanart #aziracrow #aziracrow fanart #my art #fanart #my good omens art #good omens 2

[snarkspawn]

based ofc on this

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 fanart #astarion ancunin #bg3 astarion #astarion #stuff and things #userpharawee #I'm back! hi :D #just a quick silly thing to try and get back into the groove after two weeks hhh #wHY do I always feel like I forgot how to draw after not drawing for a while uGH. anyway. #how have you guys been? I hope 2024 is treating you well so far ♥︎

[mattpresents]

#mickey mouse #steamboat willie #disney #copyright #please holy shit that act was so bad why is no one trying to repeal this #public domain

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

#warm up #writeblr #this one has bothered me for a bit #any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime #hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying #as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing #like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts #why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge #''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it #ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace #if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!! #men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible #ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing #the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....

[princessphilly]

.

#I just feel like a really shitty writer #so why try #because no one cares anymore tbh

[madohomurat]

trans women are everywhere and are so eager to be seen and heard but only if they feel safe around you. if you hardly ever have trans women interacting with you, especially online, then consider there might be a reason for that and you should address it

#the same thing happens with black people #black people are everywhere! especially online! black gay and black trans people! #but when your community is suspiciously devoid of them then theres something wrong and you need to acknowledge it #even if its not intentional you need to think about how theres minority groups who do not feel safe around you at face value #this is why loud and outright support and solidarity is so important #black people and trans people and etc minority groups will assume you are unsafe unless you explicitly state otherwise #you can't just sit there and say 'well they didnt approach us so its not our fault for not including them!' #like did you TRY to get them to approach you?? #cy texts

[ganondoodle]

then perish.

#ganondoodles #art #zelda #tloz #totk #totk spoilers #rauru #ganondorf #zelda memes #memes #i dont know why i find this so funny #i know it doesnt make sense time wise #im trying to be funny not logical #maybe you need to know too much about the game to udnerstand #this is about the dumb anicent hero armor looking like a mix of them ok

[noonstate]

i need well meaning cis people to stop attemping to steelman trans healthcare conversations because it basically always ends with them just lying about easily checkable things "no minors are getting irreversible treatments" wrong not true "no minors are having surgery" also false, like instead just say the truth: currently some minors (few, but some) are able to access hrt that will have some irreversible changes on their body, some (even fewer) minors are able to access surgery.

the counter to transphobes screaming "these kids are being irreversibly changed" isn't "no children are accessing this care" it's "puberty is also an irreversible change" and "i think under 18s and even under 16s should be able to make medical decisions actually"

"no minors are accessing this care" means that transphobes can easily point to the examples of minors who are accessing that care, which just make us look like liars. sometimes teenagers and children need to make medical choices on their own. i think a 14 y/o should be able to get an abortion. i think trans kids and teens should be able to have the approriate care, which for some will just be like, picking a new name or haircut, and for some, sure, could be surgery.

#*m #so many journalists / youtubers / podcasters try to defend trans people but just like. say this shit that is basically a lie #i get why i get it's an easier convo to have but actually having the hard conversation is really fucking important. #not for the transphobes those people are fucked but like. for the well meaning libs who listen to x news piece or x podcast u know