#sometimes you just need some help

[myownjadedpieceofmind]

I'm $300 from my goal.

Which means I've gotten $1100 of the $1400 I need for the dental appointment tomorrow morning. This whole thing has been so very stressful, without the consideration of having to ask for more help than i should have to.

Please, I know it's not a good time for anyone, but if you were ever interested in my work, or if you can spare even $5, I would appreciate the help. I really don't want to have to cancel my appointment and start this whole mess all over again.

Cashapp: $6od3ss

Venmo : jaded-ink

Shop my website: www.jadedinkdesigns.com

Commission a piece by messaging me: [email protected]

#artists on tumblr #s.o.s. #life just keeps happening #if you can help #sometimes you just need some help #it is what it is #my dental nightmare #luxury bones

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage... #...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them... #...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent... #...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us... #...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long... #...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL #the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate #be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough #recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage' #i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself #and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was #i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want #don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please #and just... give yourself space

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 168

So. Apparently halfas are like phoenixes or something, which Danny would’ve really liked to know. 

See, usually with ghosts if they’re forced to retreat to their cores they reform as was, but apparently, since they’re still partially living, schrodinger's people and all that, halfas have to regrow their body from scratch. At least that’s what he’s understanding from Frostbite. 

But how come he has to deal with it? It’s Dan’s fault for trying to pull such a stunt! Oh, it’s either him or Vlad? Well fuck, he might have calmed down and is going to therapy in both the living realm and the Zone, but he’s waaay not equipped to raise a child except for like, monetarily wise. 

Well dammit, how long will this core incubation thing last, he has his new job in… let him check which offer he accepted again… He has his new job in Coast City that he needs to finish packing for and then all the rest of the stuff to do. 

What do you mean it’ll take months?! He doesn’t have months?! Urgh, fine. At least being a mortician isn’t that exciting, nor dangerous. Just hand him Dan’s core and he’ll figure things out for the living side of things. He’s sure Tucker and Sam wouldn’t be against helping, if only to try and claim favorite aunt or uncle spots. 

#dcxdp #dpxdc #prompts #Coast City is where Hal Jordan lives hilarious enough #I just chose a random city but honestly a green lantern city is hilariously on brand for where Danny would choose to move #He’s just a cheerful space core dude who is glaring down several ghosts & helping others move on while he’s working #He’s also slightly uncanny valley to people outside of Amity & doesn’t realize it #He runs into a reporter Wes at some point & okay the fact he looks like the lady doing math meme when seeing Dan? #Utterly hilarious #Danny holding a newborn with matching slightly pointy ears and claws :) #Wes who is *pretty sure* Danny is cis but is second guessing everything now: #Danny is going to do his best to avoid any hero BS #He’s trying to do his JOB #Who cares if he brings his baby to work he needs to eat and he isn’t going to hire a babysitter #Bby Jordan tried to set the house on fire during his last tantrum do you THINK anyone else can deal with him? That’s what he thought now ou #Ellie visits as well & straight up melts out of the wall sometimes like a horror movie #She has weaponized her goo powers and is also excited to show her dad her new gravity ones #Space Core Danny + Fire Core Vlad = Sun Core Dan #Ellie has a Moon core (something something phases of the moon & travelling across the night sky) #Danny is encountering so many rogues and heroes and just doesn’t acknowledge it because he has a literal BABY who can destroy the entire JL #He’s very tired and would like a nap now

[angel-archivist]

It's so interesting and so exceedingly frustrating how agab is being utilized now within the queer community as a way to isolate and sort nonbinary and genderqueer folks into binary boxes that determine their moral purity levels, and their authority to do and write and exist.

The way nonbinary writers are being put under accusation of fetishizing gay men while their AGAB is continually brought up in a way that feels like queer-space-approved misgendering.

The way feminist circles that are supposedly trans-inclusive will use the word AFAB in a way that implicitly but intentionally isolates nonbinary people who aren't AFAB from joining. It's for women*.

The way the language is already flawed and leaves out intersex folks from the conversations while focusing on a binary of sex that isn't truthful.

The constant obsessing over whether someone is AFAB or AMAB and whether or not that gives them the privilege to join, do, write, or be present in certain spaces really really concerns me. How are we supposed to dismantle a binary system of gender if we can't even move past forcibly assigning and focusing on people's genders assigned at birth?

#and yes i understand! that agab language can in some circumstances be helpful in inclusive language and in the medical world but ultimately #is misgendering and unnecessary it should be up to the person to disclose their agab not an expectation of them to give up freely #I think that inclusive language shouldnt be misgendering in nature and agab as far as i can tell should only be used in select discussions #and certainly not as a way to frame a nonbinary writer as a “biological woman” but in a way where the queer community will nod along and sa #“oh they have a point” because you used the word AFAB instead #honestly afab is the term i see used most frequently and most harmfully towards other nonbinary people who don't identify w the label #to exclude trans women and amab nonbinary people #to frame nonbinary people as “still women” because of their assigned gender at birth #also i understand its not as simple as “not using” these terms bc they still serve a purpose and are important #but as they leave the queer community and as they enter the hands of cis queer people they become weapons #i wish i could like manifest my thoughts super clearly but i really cant bc its a difficult situation #its just another example of misogyny and bio-essentialism creeping into the queer community #because the patriarchy impacts all things including our discussions of trans oppression and gender we need to stop viewing it #as a strict binary of male female and oh sometimes we'll mention nonbinary people but we're all afab and amabs at the end of the day <3 #like flames literal flames #if you wanna like chip into the conversation just shoot me an ask or respond to the post i'd love to hear other peoples perspectives #im not infalliable so if i said anything you view as incorrect especially in regards to intersex folks and how you all would like to be #included in these discussions as im not intersex but am aware of how agab is a subject that leans into the idea of a binary of sex #so yeah rant over <3 #retro.bullshit #rant

[goobygnarp]

.

#good grief im gettin a lil tired of seeing 'DONT DO THIS' kinda art videos #i very much understand its a youtube thing and that clickbait names and thumbs get the views and attention needed #but it doesnt mean it doesnt annoy me or that I cant be annoyed by it #sometimes i just see it in tutorial pictures too #but the large DONTS with red Xs near the supposed ''wrong'' way of drawing is so demotivating #people start and draw in many ways than one #its what makes art their own #but when videos or tutorial posts are made and show the ''WRONG'' way to go about it #its like scolding the new artist or long time artist with that style that they're doing it wrong and that its bad #no matter the intention its not the way to go about helping artists learn to draw #and in my personal opinion #the click bait ''DONT DO THIS WHEN DRAWING'' thing is what keeps me from actually watching the vids #i get theyre probably helpful but i don't like that I have to feel some NEED or DESIRE to click on a vid cause I feel like I did a thing #wrong or that i never should have done it at all #i wish i could see more 'here are some tips that helped me #kinda vids cause yes i would love to learn what helped you rather than being or feeling wronged for drawing in a way that isn't theirs #im rambling but i have been seeing a lot of 'DONT DO THIS' NEVER DO THIS' 'IF YOURE DOING THIS STOP NOW' kinda art vids #im speakin for myself here #but im an artist sifting through art youtube or spaces always willing to learn new ways of improving my art #i dont need to feel click baited like the next 3am don't this kid to learn how to improve my inking skills #if it was more a 'this is my personal preference and I wanna share it with my audience and maybe teach some things' kinda vid #id watch that too #but im just so tired of seeing art youtube going down this need to tell folks 'YOURE DOING IT ALL WRONG. THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY"

[intersex-support]

Something that has been helpful for me when having conversations about what counts as intersex is to really engage in enquiry about what the label means and how we're using it. To me, it's been more helpful to think through questions like:

What purpose does labeling a variation as intersex serve?

In what ways is societal understandings of "typical" changing?

Why was the label of intersex created and has our use of the label shifted?

What ways are we building intersex community? What do we want intersex community to look like?

How do our experiences of oppression impact our understanding of intersex as a term?

What sources are we drawing from when we develop definitions of intersex?

What is the history of the way intersex has been used?

What ways has intersex community been exclusionary in the past, and is that in line with our current values?

Definitions of intersex have always been tied up with what the medical world decides to classify as differences of sex development, but especially in the past twenty years as intersex community has grown more connected, we've started to have a lot more self-determination in our communities. But I think a lot of people still really have a misconception that intersex is a biological "third sex" that is strictly medically defined, and that there are clear cutoffs between intersex and endosex.

Instead, I'd like to bring in the concept of compulsory dyadism to introduce a framework where intersex is an intentional political label used as a way to build community for the people whose variation of sex characteristics are most impacted by the stigma and violence associated with compulsory dyadism.

Sex diversity is not just limited to intersex people. Even within the boundaries of dyadic/endosex bodies, people have variations like different amounts of body hair, penis size, hormone levels, breast size, as well as things like disabilities affecting any of those traits. For example, very few people actually have all the "ideal" traits that line up with this constructed idea of an endosex body that has the exact "correct" amount of estrogen, the right size chest, the ability to bear children, "normal" periods. Many endosex people might have a variation in one of those aspects at differing times during their life, such as during menopause, for example. And this framework can help us understand how diagnoses such as endometriosis are not intersex, but people might still notice overlaps in certain experiences.

But the reason that not everyone is considered intersex and the reason that having a separation between endosex and intersex is important is because of the stigma and violence associated with straying further and further from that dyadic norm, and intersex is a label used to describe people who are the most impacted by that stigma and violence. We have been socially labeled as "deviating" the most from the "normal" sex binary, and consequentially face intersexism both on a systematic and personal level. Our collection of sex variations becomes located entirely outside of the sex binary, and as a result, we often face curative violence, social stigma, and systematic exclusion from many parts of society.

This definition isn't a perfect definition. I think we need to have room to develop more nuance around the fact that many intersex people might not feel like their experience of being intersex has brought them any personal stigma or violence, as well as understanding that there isn't going to be a universal intersex experience. Even when discussing how intersex people are the most impacted by compulsory dyadism compared to endosex people, I think it's important to recognize that within the intersex community, our additional intersecting identities are absolutely going to influence our experiences with oppression and that it's vital to intentionally uplift the members of our intersex community who are most impacted by oppression. In the United States, the creation of the sex binary was an explicitly racist process, and racialized intersex people are subject to additional layers of stigma, violence and scrutiny. (Check out chapters 4-6 in the book Cripping Intersex by Dr. Celeste Orr for a really in depth discussion of how antiblackness and compulsory dyadism are forces behind why the Olympic sports sex testing has pretty much exclusively targeted Black women from the Global South, regardless of whether or not they are actually intersex. Also recommend reading The Biopolitics of Feeling: Race, Sex, and Science in the Nineteenth Century by Dr Kyla Schuller.) I also have talked with many intersex people who are tired of us always being represented through trauma narratives in the media, and who want us to be able to build a definition of intersex that isn't based around violence or tragedy. And I think that's really important that we also share our stories of intersex joy, and pride, and healing. I think that claiming intersex can be something really radical, and that's super valuable to me.

Overall I think that if we build our discussions around who is intersex on concepts to do with our social and political location, and take into consideration concepts like compulsory dyadism, sex diversity, and disability, we are going to be able to understand why any of it matters better than if our determinations of intersex identity are based solely in medicalized concepts of a third sex.

TL;DR: Although endosex people also have diversity when it comes to sex traits, intersex is still an important label that not everyone can claim. Compulsory dyadism is a force that affects all of us, but intersex people are the most impacted by compulsory dyadism and face intersexist stigma and violence for our intersex variations. As a result, intersex is an important label for us to claim so that we can build community and solidarity around our experiences. I think it is better understood as a sociopolitical label that describes the relationship between our biological bodies and the cultures we live in, rather than as a medicalized term that described a coherent "third sex."

other intersex people feel free to add on to this post-I'm only one person without all the answers, and would love to hear other perspectives!

#intersex #actuallyintersex #intersexism #disability justice #disability #trans #compulsory dyadism #cripping intersex #anyway again! i'm just one person and i am not in charge of intersex community #these frameworks have been really helpful for me. might not be helpful for you and that's okay! #this is just kind of a long post about some things i've been thinking about bc like. every time someone sends in an ask #asking about what is or isn't intersex. where the lines are. that sort of thing #i have a lot of thoughts about how there are lines. not everyone is intersex. endosex people cannot just claim intersex on a whim. #but at the same time those lines are sometimes blurred! it's not clear why some diagnoses r automatically considered intersex and some are #not considered intersex. #and i think that it's been helpful for me to look into okay what does this say about our oppression. our community. our bodies. what is #the history and what is the present? why does it matter? why do we need the label? how does it serve us #and Dr. Orr has been really influential in their theory of compulsory dyadism #also i

[sonik-kun]

I've seen a lot of people claim lately (mostly JC antis) that WWX performing the experimental core transplant on JC was emergency surgery, and I just have to stop them right there.

This was not emergency surgery by any means. Emergency surgery implies that it is something that NEEDS to be done, or else it would mean imminent death for the patient.

JC did not need that core to survive. He could have very much lived without it. He only needed it for revenge. To get back into joining the war effort to avenge his parents and his sect.

WWX didn't have to do it at all. Sure, JC was miserable, borderline suicidal. But I've seen and read aus where him coming to terms with his new disability is and can be very much possible. Hard, and a lot to work through mentally and physically, but not impossible.

JC did not force WWX to give up his core. It was very much implied that he would grow HIS OWN one via Baoshan Sanren. There was no way JC could have assumed that it was WWX's or anyone else's core for that matter when the concept of a core transplant did not exist at that moment in time. He was the first one to have survived and lived to tell the tale.

Plus, his mental state at that time was questionable. On the surface, he was willing to "consent" to anything if it meant getting his core back, regardless of how and why. But because of his vulnerability, that doesn't mean he consents to being treated like a guinea pig, nor should he have been treated like one for that matter. Although the intentions were good and pure, his vulnerability and naivety was still taken advantage of here. That cannot be disputed.

He also did not consent to having someone else's core (someone else who he cares for deeply, mind) being inserted in him. That possibility was obviously something that would have never crossed his mind in that moment. It is unfair and unreasonable to assume it would and claim he consented to something he didn't even know was possible.

He was led to believe that Baoshan Sanren could successfully give him a new core willy nilly, no questions asked because she was a fabled person with amazing abilities. It was that he consented to here alone, nothing else.

So yes, although WWX's intentions were pure and from the goodness of his heart, he did in fact mislead JC. The whole core reveal and the shock revelation behind it is proof of that. What would be the point in that scene otherwise if it was 100% consensual? And Jiang Cheng's famous "why didn't you tell me?" Break down?

It's okay to accept the moral greyness behind WWX's heroic actions, you know? It won't make him any less of a protagonist, nor does it undermine his HUGE sacrifice. You're still allowed to like him, warts and all. I know I certainly do!

#mxtx mdzs #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #the untamed #canon jiang cheng #jiang cheng #jiang wanyin #wei wuxian #sometimes protagonists make mistakes #sometimes protagonists can be morally grey #sometimes protagonists mean well but can do quesrionable things in their pursuit to help others #and thats okay #it still doesn't take away the fact that wwx is a good person who cares for jc #likewise jc's sacrfice was equally as huge and needs to be made more into a big deal #because i find it odd that some fans still brush over it or try to down play it just to elevate wwx's #completely missing the point of the story #these boys lost so much man #how can you not love them? #warts and all!

[baldurs-gate-official]

Thinking about how Astarion insisted on staying up to keep watch in the beginning of the game

Yeah, it could be because he needs to go hunt at night without anyone noticing, or because he's keeping an eye out for Cazador/his minions. But... It could also be because he's scared of sleeping/trancing in general?

He's got severe C-PTSD. I have that too. And one of the things I experience from it is a fear of falling asleep.

Sleeping is vulnerability. You're completely defenseless. It's terrifying to fall asleep when you're used to danger! And some abusers will purposefully do things to you when you sleep. I wouldn't put it past Cazador to have done something like that.

It's especially terrifying when you're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, or as out and open as a forest. With strangers.

Add in the elvish reverie (if we assume Astarion still experiences it as he would if he were alive at his current age)... and he might even be reliving horrible memories every time he tries to rest.

(If you're unfamiliar with elvish trancing/dreaming, I made a post about it and some ways it might affect Astarion as a vampire spawn a while ago)

One of the reasons I think this could be the case is actually the other spawn, specifically what I noticed when we first meet Dalyria and Petras. At first I thought Astarion's eye bags were just a product of being undead. But... Petras, the very human looking spawn, doesn't have that. Dalyria is an elf as well, and like Astarion, she's got some of that tired sleep-deprived purple under and around her eyes.

So all this considered... I think it's very possible that Astarion has a fear of sleeping too. Or at the very least, trouble resting. Him and the other elvish spawn.

It also makes me wonder if he sleeps any better later on in the game. By Act 3 he probably feels more comfortable with you and the group. Sleeping near familiar people (especially people you're very comfortable with, but that's very dependant on your own choices in your game), and having established night time routines can make sleeping feel a little safer.

Plus by that point he's made many new memories he can visit in his reverie. Maybe instead of remembering the terrible things, sometimes he dreams of sun bathing, the first time he bit you or that bear, or any other happy memory he's created since being tadpoled.

Maybe for the first time in centuries, sleeping isn't such a terrible prospect.

#bg3 #astarion #text post #its just something thats been on my mind #my fear of sleep is bad enough that i usually cant fall asleep without pushing myself to the point of passing out #or sometimes i need to take a sedative just to manage it #so i wonder how bad it is for him given that he doesnt have the option of sedation #it makes for some interesting headcanons/ideas though #pretty sure a druidic Tav can offer to put together an herbal tea to help him sleep #what if that sort of thing worked and it became a nightly routine? #i assume he can drink tea given that he can drink alcohol #or if you've romanced him #would sleeping near Tav help? #i know sometimes its easier for me to sleep when im around someone im comfortable with #though sometimes it has the opposite effect and it makes it harder to sleep because i feel like i need to be extra alert to protect them #trauma really does a number on you #act 3 spoilers #bg3 act 3 spoilers #astarion spoilers #bg3 spoilers #q

[serpulalacrymans]

//SO! Was thinking a little bit about my muse portrayal. I think I've grown too comfortable playing Lawrence... Submissively. I think I write him far too soft. He doesn't bare his teeth enough, and while I like playing him gentle, I have to admit I have been slacking quite a bit in giving him that sharp edge he has. I've never been very good at balancing soft but cynical, but this is something I will be trying to correct from this point onward.

#//It just gets a little bit too “THINK HARD NOW” for me sometimes #//Knowing he would try to appeal to his friends or try to play nice to keep the attention he so desires #//Yet would also go out of his way to secure his comfort zones and stand his ground- THIS is what I've been lacking on. #//I haven't been giving him that eagerness to remain comfortable. I haven't made him selfish enough. #//We can look forward to some muse molding. Thanks for understanding !! #ooc #screamo-mun #//I often forget he's.. YOU KNOW. Unforgiving in his actions. #//He's just as much a freak as Ren or dare I say Strade is #//I need to implement this in less “silly but creepy as fuck” ways and more “harmful and threatening” ways. #//IDK. WRITING IT OUT HELPS ME GRASP IT. ENJOY ME SCREAMING INTO THE VOID !!

[cerise-on-top]

Hiya!!! I'm new and I really like your fics:)

Maybe a Hank, Deimos, and Sanford (separate) with a S/O who is a bit insecure about their weight or curves?

Hey there! Thank you, that's very kind of you! Here you go :-)

Hank, Sanford and Deimos with an Insecure!S/O

Hank: He’s probably one of the worst people to go to when you’re insecure about something, anything at all. If you have a problem with your weight, then just lose some, it’s not that hard. It would take some convincing on your behalf for him to even understand a little bit that it’s not that simple, that it takes time and dedication and is just a pain in general. It’s not that he doesn’t care, but he doesn’t really know how to show that he does. He doesn’t have a way with words, he’s not very cuddly either. But if he sees just how much your weight and your curves bother you, he’ll try a bit harder to cheer you up. Although his words may seem harsh, he means well when it comes to you. Besides, he can just pick you up still, he’s always benefitted from a naturally good physique, so I doubt he won’t be able to. Will sometimes pick you up to show you that it’s not that bad. He loves you, he just doesn’t know how to show it properly. While he won’t ever comment on your appearance, aside from you being cute, he’ll try to help you otherwise. If you ever mention to him how you feel unworthy of being loved, he’ll tell you that it really isn’t a big deal to him. Hank wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t love you beyond that. Might get annoyed if you’re too insecure too often, but he won’t let it out on you. At one point, he’ll likely tell you to shut up and tell you the reasons why he thinks you are beautiful. Again, he’s not very eloquent, but he tries. Anyone who dares to make a mean comment about you will wind up dead very quickly.

Sanford: He has a healthy layer of chub himself, but he’s not insecure about it in the slightest. However, if you show any signs of insecurity about anything, he’s probably the best person to go to. Sanford is a very understanding guy and would try his darndest to make you feel better. You’re gorgeous, you should know as much, but it’s okay if you’re not aware of that fact just yet, you’ll get there eventually. He’s not too eloquent either, but he’ll tell you just how beautiful you are. Your softness is something to be cherished in rough and harsh Nevada. Definitely not above picking you up, laying you down on the nearest soft surface and just holding you for the time being. His hand will be above your stomach so he can squeeze it every once in a while. It just feels nice to him. You’re warm, you’re soft, you’re safe and for once he doesn’t have to worry about getting killed by some no one. Will also use your tummy as the perfect pillow if he ever feels like it, all the while complimenting you on how cute you are and how comfortable he is in the moment. Doesn’t take too kindly to someone else being mean to you. In fact, he doesn’t take too kindly to you being mean to yourself either. If it’s someone else who is making you insecure, then they’ll either wind up dead or with a few broken bones. If you’re being a downer then he’ll cuddle you and nuzzle into you all the while listing all the things he loves about you. It’s his goal to either get you to smile again by the time he’s done, or maybe even hear you giggle a bit. You’re the most wonderful grunt in Nevada, he wants you to be doing well, mentally and physically.

Deimos: If you ever mention around him that you feel as though you’re not pretty enough due to being curvy, then he’ll tell you that that’s fucking bullshit. Not only do you have a lovely personality, you’re also smoking hot to him. That’s one of the reasons why Deimos ended up with you in the first place, you’re everything he was looking for. Since you’re always there for him whenever he needs it, he’ll do the same for you. Like Sanford, he’ll compliment you on your appearance. You’re sexy as fuck, you should be aware of that. You’re royalty, you should carry yourself as such and watch everyone around you go green with envy. Although he hugs you fairly often as it is, he’ll do so more often from now on, just so he can squeeze you in his arms and feel how soft you are. You’ve got the perfect body and Deimos couldn’t have asked for anyone better. Besides, food is scarce in Nevada, you being chubby just means that you’re eating well, another reason why all those other grunts should be jealous of you and worship you instead. Again, if someone ends up being rude towards you, then he’ll break their skull or shoot them. Deimos has his ways of making someone’s life a living hell and he’s not afraid to use them when it comes to you. He’ll hug you, he’ll cuddle you, he’ll compliment you in a vulgar way as well, but you really need to realise your worth. Although it’s hard for him to abstain from touching you, on some days he won’t give you a kiss until you’ve said something nice about your appearance, that’s just how it be then. However, once you’re being nicer to yourself, he’ll go back to his usual self and smother you in love.

#madness combat #madness combat x reader #hank j wimbleton #hank j wimbleton x reader #sanford #sanford x reader #deimos #deimos x reader #I haven't written for these guys in forever I really need to get back into writing for them #I wish I had more time to do anything at all but alas I don't have the time to reread most of my old stuff #either way they'd be very supportive in their own ways. even Hank even if it may not look like he's even trying #he's just a rude and mean grunt by nature he can't help it. but he will try for you #but sometimes you just need you favorite character's approval and they'll give it to you #you're gorgeous either way. Sanford and Deimos will let you know that in any way possible #I'm also gonna go back to my old posting schedule. so I'll only be posting once a day since that's more comfortable for me #that way I won't need to stress out too much about writing and have some more free time as well when I need it #which i will need considering I'll be studying for my driver's license soon enough #I wanna get a good score and get it as soon as possible in all honesty so that that's over with

[nguyenfinity]

Every time I draw Mamagi it does AoE damage (I am also in the area of effect)

Lighthearted bonus:

#enstars #hiiro amagi #rinne amagi #i don't know if this is a bad time to be amagi-posting given that hiiro's fs2 just dropped but. oh well #also this might be the last thing i draw for a bit because i am in the final stretch of this semester #if you sent in a request. i will get to it and thank you for your patience #anyways i know i'm kinda being like 'haha rinne mama's boy' which like. yeah but also sometimes-- #--sometimes you're an adult in their 20s and like. yeah sure you're technically an adult or whatever but you still feel like a kid yeah? #and sometimes you just maybe want your mom to help you when you're lost or confused or when you need someone to tell you it'll be okay #but you won't get that for whatever reason #sincerely: an adult in their 20s #....can you tell why rinne is like. a vibe to me now #anyways i'm not saying mamagi dying was a necessary evil but if hiiro and rinne had an adult who actually loved them at home they probably- #-wouldn't have left and we wouldn't have the main story #if she was alive today tho she'd be going to their lives sorry i don't make the rules (yes i do) #if she ends up being exactly like the rest of their village in some future lore i'm gonna be so sad. #she'd throw hands with niki's parents #imagine leaving your sons behind because you straight up died (couldn't really do anything about that) #meanwhile your son's boyfriend's parents just. up and left him because they could #also posts with her will be tagged mamagi #if you read all that <3 #mamagi #she'd adopt all the bees and alkaloid too #imagine if they got their singing skills from her #also mamagi 1 rinniki shipper (also does not care it's not legal) #rinniki

[volivolition]

suggestion do you have... any wants? like obviously you do but like? suggestion my guy my ourple boy. both the easiest and hardest to write. you need a skill to say something to move conversation along but it doesn't fit any skill in particular? about 80% of the time you can have suggestion say it and it will make sense. but like actually characterizing him... how do i define you dude... what makes your character tick... urgh. i dont get you yet. im trying to understand but you are difficult.

#chemi chats #there are some skills that i just dont understand yet and that just means i have to work on their character study chapter #im reading his bio and i think suggestion is a good manipulator and it's instinctive and he tries not to feel bad about it? #he's clever!! charming!! friends with savvy and drama. planting seeds in the mind and coaxing them to grow towards him like he's the sun. #a crude oil reservoir lying beneath a carefully laid flower bed. taps into the roots. the plants don't know any better than to drink. #he's great at sensing what makes people tick and uses that to his advantage. he needs goals to look forward to so he knows how to best #pull the strings to get them there. otherwise he's a bit aimless. he likes being useful. and since influencing others is helpful #he just keeps doing it? because it's what he's good at. and he tries to convince himself its fun and cool and just cuz hes charming and #it's his role as a skill and manipulation isnt thaaaat bad because it's helpful to them after all... but he does feel bad sometimes. #oh im listening to his voice lines and i just got to ''brother you should have put me in front of a firing squad'' and im sad about him now #but what do you want for short term little guy?? probably for people to like him. he likes chatting with people. i bet he'd like genuine #conversations with no strings attached but there's always some part of him filing information and tidbits away that he can't turn off #subconsciously figuring out things he can hold over them or how he can nudge them into thinking someth-/wait.../ no. no he's just talking. #he's /supposed/ to just be talking stop analyzing them stop falling back into that just have a normal conversation!! but he can't help it.. #hm. this is all really helpful for his chapter. he and empathy are very alike but also different. very interesting... #task: swept up #okay good talk everyone i think i understand him a little better now lmao?? still gotta figure him out some more hes not fully there but ye #also i think he goes by whatever pronoun you think he'd use. just ''oh what do /you/ think i am hm?? what /would/ i use; do you think?? :)' #funny fella. i love you.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! You said that you need another vacation after this vacation, so I am not sure, how puppy situation, even if it partual custudy, affecting you ( may be you in panic when he is there and then recovering when he is not, and then round and round? ), but really, If you need another vacation, I hope you know we will be here to support you for it!

It's been nearly 4 weeks now since we got Toby so I feel like I can talk about this with a bit of a clear head.

(Talk of like an actual PTSD meltdown beneath the read-more, including self-harm mention - nothing graphic. There's zero obligation for anyone to read this, especially for folks who don't think authors should ever be honest about being people with issues):

So, I've been kind of quiet about aspects of this, but I have like severe treatment-resistant PTSD and C-PTSD, and puppies specifically are one of my triggers (especially if I'm responsible for them). The reason for that is kind of awful, and I don't really want to talk about some of the things I've experienced/been through that led to that, so let's just move onto the next part. You're kind of right anon, there has been panic while he is here lol.

As a result, I had a severe meltdown the first time I tried to adopt a dog many years ago now. Could not last 24 hours, needed weeks/months to recover.

But I've always wanted to share my life with a dog and I've been in a somewhat better space over the past year or so, and I thought I could maybe handle it better. I told myself 'if I can just get through that 24 hours I'll realise it's okay and it will all work out.' Anon I cannot tell you where this thinking came from, but it was wrong. Idk why past me was kind of naive enough to think this way but here we are.

No, after that 24 hours, it got temporarily better, and then I slammed into consecutive meltdowns, each one worse than the next, until the people around me were afraid for my life. I am still recovering from some of the harm I inflicted on myself during the last three weeks and likely will be for some time to come. The combination of a really intense PTSD relapse, as well as not being able to handle (as an AuDHD person) intense changes to my schedule basically compounded and I broke.

I made the decision to rehome Toby, and first contacted the people around me. Glen's mum said she wanted a dog, and had been specifically looking into dogs like Toby anyway, and so we decided this would be best because then I could still be involved (I love Toby to pieces).

After getting some space, I finally started to adjust, and have gone back to having Toby about 4~ days a week, with a view to going to about 6 days, with one day spent with my mum, or Glen's mum.

Today is the first day I was able to handle having him on my own for around 9.5 hours. And I'm here and able to write about it, so that's progress. He'll be here all day Sunday, and then Tues-Weds-Thurs-Friday. And from there a decision will be made as to where I'm at with my mental health etc.

I'm a bit more hopeful now that I might be able to keep him, but my PTSD is still very very bad. I'm having some nights where I'm simply not sleeping until 7.30am (even if he's not here), and my hypervigilance is crazy. Like, I am having so many auditory flashbacks it's stupid. So this is why I've been saying this break hasn't been very restful or productive. Because my mental health tanked like I detonated a landmine inside myself.

I didn't actually plan the two week break for Toby! That was just a coincidence honestly.

Unfortunately I have a lot of health conditions that respond very poorly to stress, so I'm dealing with those now too. And then additionally, in all of this, I had a breast scan / mammogram / ultrasound that has confirmed a suspicious lump I found a couple of months ago (breast cancer runs in the family), and I suspect I'm going to need a biopsy. I'll find out on Monday if that's the case. That's been in the background and hasn't been helping.

There's some other stuff going on that's not really worth talking about because these are the main things, but that's a good picture I think. It turns out 'just getting through the first 24 hours' doesn't magically make a severe PTSD trigger go away. And that forced exposure is not 'exposure therapy' - that's just reinforcing a trigger.

Anyway! I feel like I'm through the worst of it, and I am seeing glimpses of how my life could be richer if I keep getting through this. But...that's why I think another break. *smiles tiredly.* I have to wait a bit now for the PTSD / C-PTSD symptoms to settle down, and I also need to see what's kind of worsened after this. Realistically, with a relapse to this degree, it could take between 3-6 months to really start recovering, or to at least get back to where I was before December.

I hope with all my heart I can get there with Toby by my side. I love him so much.

(I want to add that Toby has never ever been in a position of harm at any point, and in fact I probably put myself in harm's way for his sake, because I wanted to provide solid continuity of care - in case anyone was worried about that).

Er so yeah! But I've picked up my writing again this week and have been able to do some like...things I'd been neglecting, and I feel more human again, I just hope I get some sleep tonight

#asks and answers #personal #tobermory the cavoodle #that's also why i haven't always consistently been sharing photos #realistically he's spent about 4 days away from us? #and that alone has been enough to kind of help me sort my head out #when i realised it was PTSD that helped too #because i've been able to spot the severe hypervigilance for what it is #and sometimes just being able to name a thing helps #and finally intensive training with toby #has adjusted some of his behaviours very quickly #and he is now a very calm and well-behaved dog already #we just need to do more separation training and then i think i will finally start #settling a bit more #our vet's super happy with where he's at #but...um...you know it's never nice to make your mum cry #because she's scared for you :( #administrator gwyn wants this in the queue