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thebiggerbear · 4 months

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Anael x Reader - Prompt Response - "Sleep. I'll keep you safe."

Summary: Anael is not happy that you've agreed to help the Winchesters with their far-fetched plan to destroy Chuck via Jack. She reluctantly accompanies you to the Bunker and this sets events in motion that prompt a conversation between you and Dean on just why the angel is so important to you.

Pairing: Anael x Female!Reader; Anael x Huntress!Female!Reader; past-ish Dean Winchester x Female!Reader; Dean Winchester x Huntress!Female!Reader

A/N: Prompt from @thelonelyempath. I really wanted to play with this sort of triangle dynamic that popped up while I was writing. This is still an Anael x Reader one shot/prompt response but Dean's my boy and I really loved the backstory that developed between him and the reader which then led to Anael. Hope it all came together okay.

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

There will be a note at the end.

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Warnings: guns; implied threats of violence/killing; mentions of sex; torture; death; angst

Word Count: 10k+

Anael Taglist: @nancymcl; @brightlilith

"Sleep. I'll keep you safe."

You glanced to your right and rolled your eyes when you saw the angel who was currently sitting in your passenger seat, still fuming. You turned back to the road and gently tapped the steering wheel, wondering what you could say to get her to let this go. In the end, you decided to just be direct.

“Are you still upset about this?”

“Are you still going through with this ridiculous plan?” She snapped.

You bit your lip to keep from sighing in aggravation like you wanted to. You knew if she heard you do that, she’d never let up. “It’s not a bad plan…”

“Oh, yeah. Not a bad plan. Just have God’s sister trap him in the Winchesters’ basement. I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to wait for the weapon that will kill him to arrive.”

You nearly winced at her biting sarcasm. She had a point; this wasn’t the best plan and it was definitely a long shot but it was all any of you had. Sam and Dean had asked for your help and you were determined to give it to them, no matter what might happen. They always had your back when you needed it. You were going to return the favor — pissed off angel alongside you or not. Not to mention if this didn’t succeed then the world was literally going to be over. You all had to try.

“Look, it’s not exactly the most…sound plan but it’s the best we’ve got. We have to do something, Ana. If we don’t, then it’s lights out. That’s it.”

“We,” she scoffed, turning to glare out the window with her arms crossed.

You tightened your grip on the steering wheel at the same time your jaw clenched. “Don’t do that.”

She turned back to you. “Are you really going to pretend that he doesn’t have something to do with this suicidal decision you’ve made?”

You kept your eyes focused on the road. “He does.” After her huff, you added unapologetically, “He will always matter to me. Even if the world wasn’t on the line, I would still be there if he asked me. He would do the same for me. That’s how it’s always going to be between us.”

A moment of tense silence passed before she spit at you, “Then you’re dumber than I gave you credit for.” She looked out the window again and you turned up the music, pressing your foot further down on the gas. The sooner you got to your destination the better.

You opened up the bunker door, allowing Ana to walk inside first. She hadn’t said another word to you for the rest of the car ride (something unusual for her), and barely even looked at you. You knew she was furious, at everything from this plan to what you’d said earlier, but it couldn’t be helped.

When you followed her, shutting the door behind you, and both of you came to a stop at the railing, glancing down, you didn’t know what you had expected to see. It certainly hadn’t been Jack Kline standing in the map room, staring up at you, with a hand raised. “Hello.”

You and Ana briefly glanced at each other and you gave the boy a nod. “Uh, hey Jack. Sam and Dean here?”

He shook his head. “They had a last minute case come up. Something about an old friend asking for help, I think.”

“Ironic,” Ana quipped.

Jack furrowed his brows at her, not understanding her meaning, while you shot her a look. Of course, she just smirked at you in response and you could feel your body tensing in the same aggravation you’d felt in the car. “Is Cas here?” You asked instead.

Jack went to speak when you heard, “I’m here,” before a familiar dark-haired man walked into the room. It had been a while since you’d seen him but he still looked the same. He was still wearing the trenchcoat and the suit, no matter how many times Dean tried to get him to change up his wardrobe.

“Hey, Cas.”

He gave you a nod of greeting before turning a small relieved smile on Ana. “Anael, you’ve decided to help us in this fight after all.”

“Don’t get too excited, Castiel. I’m only here because it turns out she’s just as smart as the Winchesters.” She gestured towards you.

You gritted your teeth. “Ana…”

She gave you that smile she always gave you when she knew she was getting on your last nerve.

Cas glanced back and forth between you, a sudden realization of something beginning to dawn on his features. Jack still looked somewhat confused but also curious.

You cleared your throat. “So, any idea when the boys will be back?”

“Soon. I believe they just wrapped up their case and they’re headed back. They should be here by nightfall,” Cas supplied.

You gave him a wan smile as he appeared to study you intently. “Well, I’m starved. Got any food in that big kitchen of yours?”

“We have a lot of food,” Jack offered, trying to be helpful. “Sam went shopping the other day.”

“Great,” you responded with a little too much enthusiasm. “Let’s see what we’ve got.” You ignored Ana watching you in disapproval and Cas’ penetrative gaze as you descended the steps and followed Jack to said kitchen. Let Ana deal with whatever thoughts Cas might put voice to — you’d had enough angel judgment for one day.

You and Jack were just putting the finishing touches on shepherd’s pie (the only thing you knew how to make outside of eggs and grilled cheese if you were being honest) when Sam and Dean returned home.

You had spent most of the day avoiding Cas and thankfully, when Ana joined you in the kitchen, she chose to relegate any commentary she made to your cooking skills (or lack thereof) alone. There was tension thick in the air but whether it had to do with what was going on in the background, Ana’s animosity towards you, or a mixture of both, you had no idea. Cas had eventually strode into the room, curious and happy to watch you teach Jack how to make the one dish your Grams had taught you to make. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him smile when Jack asked you why it was called shepherd’s pie if the recipe didn’t come from any shepherds. Despite his questions, Jack seemed to be enjoying himself, learning something new and taking his mind off of what was coming. You felt badly for the kid; he was going to sacrifice himself to save the world. You couldn’t even imagine the weight of that burden on his young shoulders, Nephilim or not. So you were happy to provide a little distraction for him as well as yourself.

“Cas? Jack?” You heard Sam call.

“We’re back,” Dean added.

Cas was immediately on his feet, looking towards Ana and then you, before hurrying out of the room. You had to wonder what that was all about. It wasn’t as if the brothers weren’t expecting you. Plus, you were pretty sure Cas must have texted or called them to give them a heads up that you were here.

Ana turned back to you, her jaw tight and giving you a look. You rolled your eyes and helped Jack get out a stack of plates to set the table with. When you were done, you noticed Ana had stood up and moved away from the two of you, creating distance. Your own jaw clenched when you saw it. Why did she have to be so difficult sometimes?

“No plate for you?” You threw at her, knowing very well she wasn’t going to eat since she didn’t need to.

“Not just yet.”

Your brow creased in confusion. What was that response?

You didn’t have much time to think about it, though, because Dean and Sam rushed into the room, with Cas right behind them.

“What the hell are you doing here, Jo?” Dean boomed, heading right for Ana and carrying an angel blade.

“Dean,” Cas called, trying to get in front of him.

You watched as Ana raised her hand and sent both Winchesters flying backward, knocking them on their asses, and more importantly, the blade out of Dean’s hand.

“Anael,” Cas warned.

“I’m just supposed to allow them to kill me, Castiel? I don’t think so.”

You were torn. You wanted to rush over to the boys, make sure they were alright, but another part of you was telling you that you needed to get closer to Ana. What if she was right and Dean had really meant to kill her just then?

Both Winchesters were already up, Dean glaring at Ana. “You almost got us killed! Sending us to Hell on that wild goose chase! Hell, you almost got Cas killed!”

“He had to go to The Empty to ask Ruby where the Occultem was!” Sam added, thrusting a finger at her. “He almost didn’t make it back!”

“You’re Jo?” Jack asked, his expression hardening. “I thought your name was Anael.”

Ana didn’t spare him a glance. “That’s my angel name. Sister Jo is my brand, you could say.”

“Occultem?” You whispered, not ever having heard of it before though you tried racking your brains.

Ana flashed you a look, silently telling you she would fill you in later, before resting her eyes on the two men again. “That was a priceless item. You didn’t really expect me to give it up so easily for your little war with God, did you?” Her brown eyes narrowed. “No matter how much better looking than him you might be.”

Your eyes nearly bugged out of your head and turned onto Dean who still hadn’t noticed your presence yet. He was glaring straight at Ana and you noticed the blade was back in his hand. When had you missed him picking it back up?

“You shouldn’t have come here,” he said in an all-too familiar menacing tone, before he began moving forward again, Sam right behind him with his own angel blade. Cas tried to put up a placating hand but he was ignored. Jack watched as it all happened, glowering in Ana’s direction now, not making a move to stop his dads. Your brain shut off and before you knew it, you were in front of Ana, gun raised.

Dean stopped short, his eyes slightly widening as he finally saw you. Sam’s did, too. You were sure they highly doubted you would be on opposite sides over an angel, with a gun pointed at them no less.

“Put the blades down,” you ordered.

You watched as Dean’s green eyes briefly softened upon hearing you speak but then hardened again when he realized you meant business. Something was now layering his expression that looked an awful lot like betrayal. “You’re protecting her?” He asked in disbelief. “What the hell, Y/N?”

You could feel Ana right behind you, her energy filling the air. She was charged up and you felt a familiar static electricity feeling at your back. You wouldn’t be surprised if her eyes were doing their usual glowing trick right about now.

“This is what I was trying to tell you before you two charged in here.” Cas stood next to Dean, looking at him and Sam.

“Tell us what?” Dean demanded.

“She’s with me.” All three glanced over at you, Cas giving a subtle nod as he dropped his gaze. Sam wasn’t sure what to make of it but you noticed him starting to lower the blade in his hand. Dean kept glaring between you and Ana over your shoulder. Only when Cas urged him with a quiet “Dean”, nodding towards the blade in his hand, did he finally put it down. “You’ve gotta be freaking’ kidding me,” he growled before storming out of the room. Cas briefly glanced over at you before following him. Jack, who now scowled in your direction as well as Ana’s, slowly left the room. You lowered your gun, disappointment starting to swell in your chest. So much for a nice, quiet family dinner then.

Only Sam was left and he looked torn between wanting to follow his family and coming over to give you a hug like he normally would. You made it easy for him. “It’s okay, Sam. I understand. Go.”

He pressed his lips together, giving you a sad look, before he nodded and left the room as well.

You let out a heavy breath and hung your head. The Winchesters were the only family you had left and now…it looked like they were gone, too.

You felt a hand gently lay on your shoulder, the electric charge from before gone, and you slowly lifted your head. “We should go,” you whispered after a minute. Ana let you go and you turned to throw on your jacket, sling your bag over your shoulder, and then you led her out of the room. You kept your gun handy in case it wasn’t just a straight pass to the stairs. Thankfully, it was and a piece of your heart broke that Dean hadn’t even given you a chance to explain before he’d written you off for good.

You kept your eyes on the road as headlights repeatedly washed over you from passing cars in the opposite lane. It was deathly quiet, you having chosen not to turn on the radio. Your thoughts kept going back to the betrayal you’d seen in Dean’s face when he realized you weren’t going to let him get to the angel standing behind you. While Ana wasn’t Cas, didn’t he understand how things like this worked by now? Even when you’d been together for a period of time, you’d bore witness to his profound bond with Cas playing out repeatedly. You’d seen Cas’ effect on Dean and vice versa, today even.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

You heard Ana’s quiet words that seemed to be laced with a shocking mix of surprise and what sounded like awe. You didn’t know why; it wasn’t anything you hadn’t done before when you two fought side by side. “Do what?” You decided you’d rather play dumb than talk about the elephant sitting between you.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the red-headed angel giving you a look. “Don’t. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You shouldn’t have put yourself at risk for me.” She knew what it cost you and how badly it was tearing you up inside. And to think she had been worried about Chuck, the plan, Jack, and even Dean, though for a whole other reason on that last one.

You shrugged. “That’s what we do. It’s what you’ve done for me. Why wouldn’t I?”

You turned in time to see the surprise you’d heard earlier now taking up residence in her expression. It was a fleeting glimpse you caught right before she schooled her features and focused on the highway instead.

You did the same and you finally spoke the question that had been burning your tongue for the last hour into existence. “So, are you going to tell me about the Occultem and why they’re pissed at you enough to want to kill you? I sort of got an idea from earlier but I want to hear it from you.”

You heard a familiar scoff and if you weren’t so torn up inside, you might have smiled. It was nice to hear her annoyance not aimed at you for once this entire day. “They ambushed me at my place of business, threatened me, and then expected me to hand them the Occultem on a silver platter. Just like that. That’s what happened.”

“I think there’s a little more to it than that, Ana.” You glanced over at her. “Start from the beginning.” When she narrowed her eyes in your direction, you spoke before she could. “You owe me that at the very least,” you muttered.

You turned back to the road and you weren’t sure if she saw the pain you were feeling (most likely since she always seemed to be able to see right through you; it was annoying most of the time), but she agreed. “Fine.”

You swallowed down the lump that had formed in your throat at the thought track repeating in your head of “You’re protecting her? What the hell, Y/N?” and the images of Dean’s back as he walked away from you. You were happy to focus on something else and Ana’s voice actually began to soothe you as it filled the car.

You didn’t know how but somehow you knew everything was going to work out, Chuck ending the world or not.

You heard a familiar rumbling outside your motel room door and you quickly glanced in Ana’s direction. She looked up at you from her chair, money in her hands that she had been counting from her last service, and you gave her a nod. You threw your jacket on, keeping the gun in your pocket and easy to reach just in case. “Be careful,” you murmured.

“You first.”

You pressed your lips together and turned back to the door. You took a deep breath before you opened it and stepped out, seeing Dean shutting the car door and meeting your eyes. He didn’t appear to be armed and he was alone as he’d claimed he would be when he called you earlier, asking where you were so you two could talk. You weren’t one hundred percent sure it wasn’t a trap, which you absolutely hated thinking, but after Ana told you what she’d done to them and their reaction to her earlier…well, you could see why they weren’t exactly thrilled with her. And if they didn’t try to hurt her, that didn’t mean they wouldn’t do a blood sigil and banish her to someplace far away from you. You were on high alert for any possibility.

“Hey,” he gruffed out.

“Hey.” You shut the door behind you and stuffed your hands in your pockets.

You didn’t see any traces of the betrayal or hurt or anger that you’d seen earlier so that was a good sign. His green eyes were no longer hard when they focused on you. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“I can’t. Have to stay close.” You gestured back to the room. It was something Ana had asked you to do when you went over possible contingencies after Dean’s call but she hadn’t needed to; you already planned to stay within running distance if you needed to get back right away.

Dean’s jaw clenched when he looked towards the room. “So, she’s got you on a short leash, huh?”

You huffed a snort, shaking your head. “Goodbye, Dean.” You began to turn back to the room, thinking this had been a colossal waste of time which just broke your heart further.

“Y/N, wait! I— I’m sorry.”

You spun back around to face him, glaring.

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” you bit out.

Dean licked his lips and momentarily moved his gaze around until he settled on something to his left. “What about over there? Is that close enough?”

You glanced where he was inclining his head towards. Across the parking lot sat what looked to be a makeshift pergola gazebo or something they’d tried to make into one anyway. A wooden picnic table sat under it and there were some lights haphazardly hung on the edges up top, snaking around the thin posts. You gave him a nod of agreement, it was private enough but still kept you close.

You waited for him to start walking and as you followed, you glanced around, making sure no one was trying to sneak their way up to your door or that there were any warning signs of an impending ambush. “Looks clear,” you mentally prayed to Ana. “But keep your guard up.” For a moment, you wished you also had the angelic super hearing she had or the ability to tune into Angel Radio to be able to hear her back.

Dean took a seat on the table and you did the same, keeping some distance between you. He noticed it and his jaw clenched again. “Really? You’re that pissed at me?”

You pressed your lips into a thin line as you thought it over, and then you moved slightly closer.

He let out a snort. “Didn’t realize that much had changed between us.”

You stared out over the highway. “It did.”

Dean studied you for a moment and then followed suit. “Yeah, well, probably for the best.”

You could feel a familiar stinging in the corner of your eyes. Dean always had the ability of using words to hit you where it hurt the most. “Probably.”

There was a moment of tense silence between you before he spoke again. “Cas mentioned things might be different now…for you.”

You shrugged but didn’t respond. At this point, you just wanted him to spit out what he came to say and leave. Which was indeed different from how you usually felt about getting alone time with him, but he was being a dick.

Almost as if he heard your thoughts, he turned to look at you. “I’m not trying to be a dick, Y/N. I’m really not. But all this time and you never told me once that you had an angel riding shotgun with you? The same angel who tricked us and took Lucifer’s side, and then tricked us again and almost got us all killed?”

You looked over at him with a scoff. “When was I supposed to tell you, Dean? In between Chuck trying to end the world and you helping with Jack’s powering up regimen so he can take him down? Or during Michael’s mindwalk inside your head? When was I supposed to tell you? We never talk anymore.”

“That’s not true,” he argued.

You got to your feet, glaring at him. “Yes, it is! The only time I hear from you is when you need something.” You ignored Dean’s angry expression and continued. “When you need help for a case, information, whatever it is. That is the only time I hear from you!”

“Yeah, well, it’s a two-way street. When was the last time you called just to check in? Tell us how you’re doing? When?”

You let out a laugh of disbelief. “You told me we were done, Dean! Right after Michael possessed you the first time. You remember that?”

Now he was on his feet, too, scowling at you. “Me saying we were done didn’t mean we were out of each other’s lives forever! If I didn’t call you about hunts or Sam didn’t call you to ask you to keep an eye out for something wherever you were, we wouldn’t even know you were still alive!”

That last word made you wince. You tried to hide it but Dean saw it. He let out a breath and the next time he spoke, he was no longer yelling. “You can blame me all you want, Y/N, but you didn’t tell Sam, either.”

“There was nothing to tell,” you mumbled, sitting back down on the table, refusing to look at him.

He gave you a look before sitting back down next to you, closer than before. “Look, I didn’t come here to fight. I want to clear the air. You’ve never pulled a gun on me before.”

You arched your brows over at him. You had done it quite a few times over the years, when he was a demon being the most recent.

“Not on me,” he clarified.

You turned back to the road but didn’t say a word.

He laid a gentle hand on your knee. “I want us to be good, Y/N. You’re family…and you’re still important to me.”

You briefly closed your eyes in pain. It had always been a tough balancing act, straddling the line of family and you and Dean being something more to one another. Even before you got together and made it official. Even back when you were teenagers. But ever since he put an end to your relationship, it had become almost impossible for you to continue doing. But he was right…you both were still family, and you didn’t want him shut out of your life. You had been broken-hearted at the thought of it not a mere hour ago before he’d called.

You covered his hand with yours. “I know. You’re still important to me, too, and you’re right, we’re family.”

Dean's eyes were transfixed on your hands until he glanced up at you, his eyes softer than before.

You squeezed his hand. “We’re good.” You gave him a nod and let him go, waiting a moment before you added, “As long as you leave Ana alone.”

He shot you a look but you never glanced away. He needed to know you meant it.

Dean sighed, studying you. “For now,” he agreed.

“Dean, that’s—”

“That’s all you’re getting out of me.” He rubbed his thumb over your knee. “Unless you tell me what happened.”

You dropped your gaze to your lap. “Why do you want to know about that? I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Because,” Your eyes lifted to his, hearing the breaks in his voice. “I need to know why Cas sees the claim she has on your soul.”

Crap. You should have known from how Cas was studying you since you’d set foot in the Bunker. “It’s not what you think,” you started.

“Then what is it? Because it looks to me like she tricked you into selling your soul to her.”

You moved your knee from under his hand and pulled away. “That’s not what happened. She didn’t trick me.”

“Then what did happen?” He cupped your cheeks and forced you to look at him. “Y/N, talk to me,” he implored. “I need to know what’s going on.”

You thought it over for a moment, realizing you really didn’t have a way around this, now that Dean knew. And truthfully, you didn’t really want one, though you still felt the heavy weight of shame wrapped around you, something you knew would be even heavier by the time you finished explaining.

You grabbed his hand and turned to kiss his wrist before getting to your feet. Dean let you go and you took a few steps away, your arms crossed and your back to him, taking a deep breath. “Do you remember the witch who killed my family?”

“Yeah, back in Phoenix. Dad tried to track her down after but couldn’t. Why?”

You pressed your lips together. “I found her.” You didn’t need to turn around to know Dean was frozen in shock. “I came across her during another case.”

Dean was in front of you before you could blink. “Please tell me you didn’t take her on alone.”

You stared at him, saying nothing.

“Dammit, Y/N! You should have called us! What the hell were you thinking?”

“I was thinking the bitch had killed my family and I wanted her dead.”

He shook his head, angry at you as you knew he would be. “But you don’t go it alone! We’ve talked about this. Never alone!”

“Yeah, I know and you’re right, alright? But I’m standing here in front of you now so do you want me to finish the story or not?” You snapped.

His jaw clenched and he glared at you but remained quiet.

You let out an aggravated breath. “I didn’t have time to call anyone else. I didn’t want her to escape and be in the wind again so the hunter I was with at the time, Carrie, she and I went after her.” Dean briefly closed his eyes but kept his gaze on you. “She had a pack of werewolves she was working with and she set them on me. I killed a few but there were too many. They ripped me apart. Carrie, too.” You felt a lump begin to form in your throat at the thought of the hunter you’d gotten killed but you swallowed it back down. “They were about to finish me off when two other hunters showed up. Carrie thought we might be going into a trap so she called them while I was gearing up. There were still too many werewolves but they managed to get us out of there. They drove us straight to this church in the next town where a faith healer had set up shop. The rumor going around the hunter community at that time was that this healer might actually be an angel, one of the fallen.” Your eyes began to well up. “Carrie didn’t make it.”

Dean briefly dropped his gaze down to the ground.

“I almost didn’t and honestly, I wouldn’t have if it hadn’t been for Ana. She healed me.” You nearly winced thinking about the next part you would have to tell him. “Once I was up and moving around again, I didn’t want the witch to disappear and she already had a hell of a head start so I asked Rick, one of the hunters that helped us, if he knew of a crossroads in town.”

You saw Dean’s lips part in shock and then his eyes hardened. “Are you kidding me? After everything Sam and I told you, after everything you saw happen with my deal, you still—”

“You didn’t hear the screams my sister made when she was dying, Dean!” He pressed his lips into a thin line but didn’t say anything to that. How could he? Sure, he’d seen people die in some of the worst ways imaginable since becoming a hunter, but he also saw the nightmares you had for years afterwards. They all had.

Dean had held you as you shook in terror, crying into his neck as he tried to assure you that you were safe. There were many nights your cries had woken Sam up as well and he’d slip into Dean’s bed, laying his head on your back and hugging you from behind while you sobbed and his brother whispered reassurances to you. If John was around when the nightmares happened, he’d keep quiet while his sons comforted you but the next morning, he’d let you pick the music you wanted to hear and would offer you to ride shotgun if you wanted. You would choose Dean’s favorite Led Zeppelin tape every time and sit in the back, opting to let Sam take the front. Dean would hold your hand and rub tender circles into your skin while you stared out the back window of the Impala until you would get sleepy and rest your head on his shoulder. Dean, Sam, John — none of them could keep the nightmares away, but they made you feel safe again after you’d lost your family. They became your family and John trained you to become a hunter just like his boys.

Tears threatened to spill down your cheeks. “She was only six years old!” You had to watch as the witch had liquefied her insides, causing as much pain and torment as possible. You’d not only heard her painful screams but the terrified yells of your mother as she also witnessed your sister’s death before the witch moved onto your older brother. John got there in time to save you, the last one left; you’d had to watch and hear them all die — your parents, your siblings — helpless to do anything since you were magically bound. “I would have done anything to get that bitch and make sure she never hurt anyone else ever again.”

Dean’s fist clenched at his side but he nodded. He understood; you knew he did.

“As it turns out, I didn’t get that far. Ana overheard our conversation. Rick was trying to talk me out of it but I was insistent. She pulled me to the side and told me that if I was going to throw my life away to go after the hag, then she had a one-time offer for me. She offered me the same deal a crossroads demon would have: my soul for the witch. But instead of ten years, there would be no ticking clock over my head, no monsters from Hell would come to drag me down to the pit, and once I died, whenever that would be, my soul would belong to her and her alone. No Heaven, no Hell, just hers, to do with as she wished.”

“Y/N,” Dean let out in a broken whisper. You could see this was killing him but you had to finish explaining, make him understand. As ashamed as you were, you still wanted him to know the truth.

“I took it, Dean.”

A tear dropped down his cheek and you fought every impulse you had to reach over and wipe it away.

“And she kept her part of the bargain. She packed up and traveled with us to where the witch was hiding out. We caught them off guard. Rick and Layla finished off the rest of the werewolf pack and Ana stayed with me. The witch used some sort of spell to banish Ana and then it was just me and her.” You knew this next part was going to hurt him but you had to say it. “She killed me, Dean.”

He stared at you in horror.

“The same way she killed my family. I felt everything they did.” You were looking through Dean now, awash in memories. “You see, she recognized me and she decided to finish me off the same way she did them. I heard her laughing in the background while she... The pain alone…” You came back to yourself with a jolt, realizing you were no longer in that place, writhing in agony on the floor as your insides burned and turned to liquid, blood pouring from your eyes, nose, and mouth as you screamed and screamed. “The next thing I remember, Ana was crouching over me. She had healed my body and put my soul back inside.” You whispered the last part in awe. That part of the story still inspired wonder for you, even now.

“She had overpowered the witch somehow when she was able to get back to us. Ana left her for me to deal with and deal with her, I did.” You clenched and unclenched your jaw at the memory of the bitch’s screams of agony before you finished her off. You made sure she felt everything your family did, everything you had, and Ana had been more than willing to help you.

“You died?” Dean choked out.

You glanced up at him and noticed the devastation in his expression, his eyes still wet. “For only a few minutes,” you tried to reassure him. He didn’t need to know that it had been a little longer than that. You could see how torn up he was already now that he knew what happened to you. “The witch’s spell wasn’t as effective as an angel banishing sigil so Ana was able to come back pretty quickly.”

You watched as he reached for you, cupping your cheeks and pulling you into him. His lips were on yours before you could react and you let him kiss you, feeling his desperation, knowing he was reassuring himself that you were okay, here in his arms, alive. When he finally broke away from you, he gently grasped your arms and laid his forehead against yours, staring into your eyes. “I should’ve never let you go,” he whispered. “I was only trying to keep you safe, I’m sorry.”

Your brows furrowed slightly. “Dean, what are you talking about?”

He sighed and pressed a tender kiss to your nose before lifting his head. “When Michael let me go the first time, I was scared he was going to come after everybody I cared about so I…” You saw his Adam’s apple bob up and down. “I ended it between us.”

Your jaw dropped. “Why would you do that? I could have helped you track him down!”

“Because I wanted you safe!” He yelled in exasperation. “I didn’t know what Michael was gonna do, okay? I didn’t want you getting caught in the crossfire!”

“You don’t get to make that decision for me!” You argued.

“Yeah, I do, because I love you, goddammit!” He looked just as surprised as you felt by his accidental admission.

His words hit you like a semi on a slippery freeway. A part of you wanted to respond and the other part…the other part wanted to skip right past it as if it had never been said. Especially when you thought back to the heartbreak you’d felt when he coldly told you that you were done and he needed some space, implying you needed to leave the Bunker asap. No explanation, no goodbye, just…done.

The lump was back in your throat again, forcing you to swallow it back down. “Yeah, well, that still doesn’t give you the right to do what you did.” You crossed your arms and looked away from him, back towards the motel, so he wouldn’t see the tears building in your eyes at his declaration that you would have given anything to hear more than a year ago. You saw the Impala still parked where Dean had left it and you remembered it was facing your room and who was in that room. Too little, too late now.

You felt Dean’s fingers gently grip your chin and turn your head back towards him. His green eyes were glistening, full of a deep sadness you’d only seen before when he talked about his mom and their family back in the day or when he’d finally managed to tell you about his time with Lisa and Ben. “And it didn’t keep you all that safe, did it?” The corners of his lips tipped up in a remorseful smile.

You watched him for a moment and then lifted up on your toes, gripping his face to kiss him. You put everything you felt for him into it, not wanting him to ever doubt just how much of a hold he still had on your heart. When you pulled back, you looked into his eyes and spoke truly. “I love you, Dean. I’m always going to love you. You’re the love of my life.” His eyes softened at your words. “But things are different now. I’m different. And things will never be as they were before.” You ran your thumb tenderly over his lips before stepping back, putting more distance between you.

You saw as he tried to recover from what you’d said, nodding and turning from you to run a hand down his face, effectively wiping away the wetness from his stubbled cheeks. You heard a quiet sniffle and gave him a moment.

“And, uh,” You glanced up at him. “What about your soul? Cas said you still have her mark. Are you still stuck in some deal?”

You smiled, shaking your head. “Not technically. It’s there as more of a failsafe.”

“Failsafe?”

“In case something happens to me, then my soul goes to her. Just like it did the last time.”

“And what if something happens to her?”

You frowned, not liking that possibility being voiced, especially given the current circumstances. Plus, you wouldn’t put it past Dean to be thinking over options to free you. “Then the mark disappears. But then it’s anybody’s game.”

“But you’d be free,” he insisted.

Your jaw clenched and you lifted your chin defiantly. You knew it; you knew Dean and the way he thought way too well. You’d been trained together and hunted together for years, after all. “I don’t want to be free. Not the way you’re implying.”

His brows drew together in confusion. “Why wouldn’t you want to be free?”

“You have Cas. You should understand.”

“Cas doesn’t own my soul, Y/N. That’s completely different.”

“Is it?”

“Uh, yeah, I’d say it is.”

He obviously didn’t get your meaning, or he was trying hard not to. You decided to let it go. “We may not have the profound bond that you and Cas do, but what we have works for us. Let’s just leave it at that.”

He scrubbed at his jaw, staring at you, before closing the distance between you again. This time you expected it when he kissed you and you held onto his jacket, kissing him back. You hadn’t lied before; he was the love of your life, deep within your heart, and he always would be. “If you ever want out of this, you call me,” he whispered.

You nodded, closing your eyes when he leaned in to kiss you again. You knew you wouldn’t be making that call but you knew he would refuse to let you go unless you gave him that reassurance. He rubbed his nose along yours and you nearly smiled at the memory it produced from when you two used to make out as teenagers.

“What about the plan for Chuck? And Amara? Do you still want my help with that?”

“No, sweetheart,” he murmured. “I want you as far from here as you can get. Just in case things go South.”

You stared up at him sadly. “Dean, I know you and Ana have history but she’s only there to protect me. We could help.”

“That’s not it. If this plan doesn’t work, with Jack, then we’re all screwed.”

You tugged at his jacket with your hands. “Which is why you can use all the help you can get.”

“Y/N, you can’t help on this one.” You were about to protest when he spoke again. “Not this time.”

“Then why did you call me?”

He gave you a sad smile and you felt his arms tighten around you. ‘Why do you think?”

Memories flashed through the forefront of your mind:

…“Blaze of Glory” by Bon Jovi playing in the background of the Impala and Dean singing it into your ear as you fell asleep on his shoulder in the backseat,

…Conversations with him and Sam about how you all would like to go out fighting if you had a choice on how you’d die as a hunter,

…Dean holding your bare body to his in the bed of a motel room that he’d been able to secure after a few successful games of Pool while John was on a hunt, with Sam in the next room and you two having just lost your virginities to each other, murmuring how he wanted to keep you with him always, believing that you’d fallen asleep,

…Him cuddling up to you in the Dean Cave during a western you’d seen a thousand times (because it was one of his favorites) and him telling you that he and Sam would be Butch and Sundance but you would be Etta Place which would cause you to frown and him to then grumble that you could be his Sundance which would earn him a kiss on the cheek while Sam rolled his eyes.

You knew right then that he didn’t fully believe Billie’s plan would work, though he hoped it would. Which meant you might never see him again. Because there was no way Chuck wouldn’t be pissed at the attempt and come right after him and Sam.

Your vision began to blur with the building tears and you gave him your own sad smile. “And now you’re sending me away? Again? That’s not how it’s supposed to go. Remember?”

He wiped your cheeks with both thumbs. “You said it yourself, sweetheart, things are different now. Besides, Sam and I talked it over before I came out here. He agrees. We both want you somewhere safe.”

“So you’re making me Etta Place again?” You choked out.

“Baby,” A tear made its way down his cheek. “You were never supposed to be anyone else.”

You sobbed out a laugh and hugged him tightly, not wanting to let him go. “You could come with us. You and Sam and Cas and Jack. You could leave this all behind and come with us. Just as long as you don’t pick Bolivia.”

He chuckled into your ear. “I wish I could, sweetheart. Chuck would find us wherever we tried to go. Billie’s plan is the best we’ve got. We’re going to see it through. And the only way I can do that,” He pulled back from you and held onto your arms, rubbing soothing circles into them with his thumbs. “Is if I know you’re far away from here. She’s another dick angel in my book and I don’t trust her, but if she’ll keep you safe, then that’s all I care about right now.”

You nodded and sniffled. “Are you sure I can’t change your mind?”

He framed your face with his hands and shook his head.

More tears spilled down your cheeks. “I love you,” you whispered.

“I love you, too, sweetheart. Always have,” He pulled you into an embrace and kissed the side of your head. “Always will.”

You didn’t know how long you stayed like that for but he held you until the tears finally stopped flowing. You were ashamed at how easily you had been willing to dismiss him from your life after he had broken your heart, after he’d threatened Ana, and now you might never see him again. Your heart literally felt torn in two. A part of you wanted to go with him, no matter how he or Ana might protest, no matter if you ended up dying, but the other part wanted to give him what he asked for. So he could have peace of mind and be able to focus on the plan if for nothing else.

You had loved Dean Winchester since you were ten years old. You knew in that moment, just as you did back then and all of the time between, that you would love him for the rest of your life, however long that might be. He would always have a piece of your heart, even if your soul belonged to somebody else.

<-->

You watched as Dean backed Baby out of her spot in front of your room and you gave him a wave. He’d wiped away your tears, kissed you goodbye one last time, and told you to haul ass out of Kansas by morning. He’d promised to call you the following evening with an update.

Once he was speeding down the road out of sight, you opened the door, letting out a breath of relief to see Ana still sitting where you’d left her. You knew Dean didn’t mean her any harm at the moment, but you weren’t sure just how much of your goodbye with Dean she’d actually heard. Probably everything, if her stare was anything to go by.

“I take it you heard everything?”

“I did.” She got to her feet, making her way over to you. “So you still love him, just as I said earlier which you completely denied.”

You gave her a look. “Ana, if you heard everything then you know—”

“I do.” Her eyes studied your face, most likely seeing the puffiness underneath your bloodshot eyes from crying so much. She reached out a hand and cupped your cheek, tenderly stroking it with her thumb. “I’ll give Castiel one thing, human love is beyond puzzling. I certainly didn’t need a magic 8 ball to know how that little convo was going to go. Despite how much Dean Winchester has hurt you, I was pretty sure for a moment there you were going to get another room and I was going to have to listen to the sounds of two primates mating in the wild.”

You yanked your face away and glared at her. “Stop it, Ana.” You made your way to the bed, roughly unzipping your bag and tossing everything of yours inside. “Dean said we should get out of Kansas as soon as possible. He doesn’t know when the next part of Billie’s plan is kicking off or when Amara is going to show up with Chuck, so it might not be safe to spend the night. We should keep moving.” You felt her hand on your shoulder and you let out an irritated sigh before turning to scowl at her. “What?”

She stared at you for a moment before leaning down to brush her lips over yours. You froze, unsure of what to do. Ana had never done something like this before and even stranger, you could feel yourself responding to it. Just like you had with Dean, though it was different, softer, and lit up a separate part of you inside. You felt yourself attempting to deepen the kiss but she pulled away, leaving you feeling dazed, yearning, guilty, and frustrated — a confusing swirl of emotions.

She smirked down at you, pleased with your reaction and trailed a gentle finger over your lips. “We should be fine here for the night. We can leave in the morning when you’ve gotten some sleep so you can drive. I’ll keep watch.” She turned and walked away, still smirking, and left you watching after her in complete shock.

You shook it off the best you could and went about getting the things you would need for the night out of your bag. Ana was kissing you now? That was new. Could today get any more complicated?

You were submerged in darkness, nothing but pure black everywhere you looked. The last thing you knew you were screaming out in agony, feeling infinite pain, mentally begging for death. Then, nothing. You were just floating along in…nothing.

“Come to me.”

You heard the sweetest voice you had ever heard, calling out to you, and you wanted to go to it but you weren’t sure how. When you attempted to move, you couldn’t. You were frozen in a sea of nothing.

“Y/N,” the voice called. “Come to me now.” As soothing as that voice had been, you could hear the clear command at the end. You wanted to go but how?

Suddenly, a shaft of bright blue-white light appeared right in front of you. “Let’s go,” the voice called, sounding much closer and it vibrated off of the blackness surrounding you. The light reached out to you and you somehow reached back. You liked the light, trusted it, and it felt warm when it touched you. Warmth that reminded you of your grandmother’s homemade apple pie fresh out of the oven, Dean and Sam snuggled up against you in the motel rooms you’d stayed in often as children, your mother’s smile as you and your siblings played on the swingset in the backyard, the blanket your father wrapped around you when you were home sick from school, the feeling of Dean’s hand in yours — pure warmth. You felt completely safe and whole, as if nothing bad or painful could get at you here, not while the light was touching you.

“There.” The light pulled you further into it and it was so blindingly beautiful that you felt the urge to cry at the same time that you wanted to smile. “Come to me.” At this final command, you pushed into the light at the same time it pulled you forward and everything went white.

The next second, you were back in your body, staring up at a familiar red-headed woman though her eyes were glowing the same color light you had been moving towards a mere moment ago. Two little dots of the blue-white light focused on you as the angel’s hands rested on your chest, a golden glow emanating from them.

You blinked and coughed and the lights faded from her eyes as did the glow from her hands. Now very worried looking brown eyes were gazing down at you. “Took you long enough,” she muttered. “How do you feel?”

You coughed again and tried to sit up with her helping you. You suddenly took notice of a familiar face, a face that haunted your dreams every single night, sneering at you, her hands bound by an invisible force, hanging from something unseen. Her lips also appeared to be sealed by that same force. “What…happened?” You rasped out.

“There’s no easy way to say this. You died.”

You turned wide eyes on her. “What? H-How?”

Ana glared over at the witch. “Her.”

You met the witch with your own glare and it all came back to you in a flash: the pain, the torture, the screaming, your family. At that last thought, you slowly got to your feet, Ana helping to steady you. “What’s holding her?”

She smirked over at the old hag. “Me.”

Something occurred to you just then. “Why did you bring me back? You had my soul. You could’ve just walked away with it. No one would’ve been the wiser. So why bring me back?” You were very well aware of how this angel operated. You had been brought to the forefront of her business after all, bleeding and torn up on death’s door. Granted, she hadn’t charged you for saving your life but you weren’t ignorant to the donations she usually collected for her services.

Her jaw tightened and you could tell she was thinking it over before she turned to answer you. “I’m nothing if not an excellent businesswoman. A deal’s a deal. The witch was alive and you weren’t. That wasn’t the terms of our agreement so I brought you back. I can’t have word getting around that I don’t hold up my end of the deal. It’s not good for business.”

You weren’t quite sure you believed her. Not only because she was an angel (and an angel that charged people money to heal them) but because somehow you just knew that hadn’t been the reason she’d done it. But that was a problem for later. Now, your focus was on the witch. “So, are you going to let her go so I can finally finish her off?”

“Hmm, I don’t really think that’s a good idea, do you? Last time you went toe to toe with her, you died.”

“You weren’t here then as my backup generator. Now, you are.”

“Oh, really, Rocky? That’s what you think I am? A defibrillator? Maybe I should let her go and let you die again. And this time, I won’t bring you back. You would make a nice addition to my collection of beautiful things stored in my Louis Vuitton. You know, they say diamonds are forever but it’s really all about souls this year.”

You both heard the witch trying to yell something but unable due to her invisible gag. “Okay, seriously, we can argue later. Let her go, Ana, I’ve got this.” You picked up the blade that had been thrust out of your hand before the pain and screaming started, and tensed in preparation.

The angel turned to you with brows drawn together. “Ana?”

“Jo then. Now, come on, let’s do this.” You were more than ready to take this bitch down.

“No. I like the sound of Ana. It’s better.”

You glanced at her in disbelief. “Seriously?”

“Oh. Right.” She went to wave her hand in the witch’s direction when she stopped. “Actually, may I make a suggestion for this little revenge fantasy of yours?”

You shot her a look.

“I think you’ll like it.” She gave you a wicked smirk and then leaned in to whisper in your ear. A smirk started to appear on your own face the more she talked. She had been right. You liked her suggestion. It was going to take you hours to finish the witch and since you had just been brought back to life, fully healed, you had more than enough energy to pull it off.

Bright flashes happened and you could hear the witch’s muffled screams as you carved into her and Ana then healed her. More bright flashes and you could see Ana’s devious smirk as she began to neutralize her angel-style but stopped right before it took. Another bright flash and you glared into the witch’s eyes as you stabbed her, gritting out, “That was for my sister.” As you’d anticipated after agreeing to Ana’s suggestion, it took both of you hours to torture and kill the witch. Ana had liquified her insides multiple times throughout before bringing her back from the brink. Rick and Layla had left long ago, satisfied that they had gotten payback for Carrie with the werewolves they took out and not wanting to be a part of what you and Ana were doing to the witch. Another bright flash and the witch’s lips unsealed with a scream that sounded an awful lot like your sister’s that then turned into booming thunder.

You woke with a gasp and grabbed your gun that always had a few rounds of witch-killing bullets loaded, sitting straight up and glancing around the dark room, aiming for anything that might move. Your eyes came to a stop on Ana, sitting in the same chair as before, her eyes glowing that familiar bluish-white light. You lowered your gun in relief. To anyone else, this very picture might scare them but to you it was soothing and made you feel safe; it reminded you of when she’d brought you back and how it felt before you were back in your body completely.

The glowing light suddenly disappeared and the dark reigned once more. “It’s okay,” she reassured. “It’s just a thunderstorm.” Almost as if to solidify her explanation, a loud clap of thunder sounded overhead. “No one’s here but me.”

You nodded and when the room lit up with a lightning flash, you could see she was right. You placed your gun back underneath your pillow and hugged your knees to your chest. “I had that dream again.”

Ana stopped counting her money and glanced up at you. You always marveled at her ability to see in complete darkness, to the point that she could do things like that without any light whatsoever. “The witch one?”

“Yeah,” you whispered.

“From when you were younger or from when she killed you?”

“When I died. I think telling Dean maybe got me thinking about it again so that’s why…” You gestured towards your head. “I was remembering the pain and the screaming…”

You heard the chair lightly scrape across the floor and in the next flash of lightning, you saw her coming over to you. She gently sat on the bed next to you and wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close until your head was on her shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t get there fast enough.”

You shook your head. “Don’t apologize. You saved me and then helped me finish her.”

“True.” She ran a tender hand over your hair. “But I wish you didn’t have those memories.” After a moment, she added, “I could take them away if you wanted.” She’d made you this offer before but you had refused it then and you were going to refuse it now.

“No, thanks though. I need those memories to keep me sharp, help keep me alive.”

“I thought that’s what you had me for,” she teased.

You smiled. “My defibrillator?”

Ana scoffed. “I still can’t believe you called me that.”

“You called yourself that. I said you were my backup generator.”

“Same thing.”

You lifted your head and shot her a look. “Hardly.”

She smiled and you couldn’t help but study her. Remembering the kiss earlier, you knew she cared for you more than the average human (any other human really) but you never thought in a million years that she could possibly have feelings…like that. She was an angel and you were only human after all. Didn’t Cas say once that his true form was the size of a Chrysler building and that humans were mere ants to angels? How did the Chrysler building feel anything for an ant?

You remembered seeing Ana’s face for the first time through a haze of pain. She had stared down at you as she started to heal you, her lips parted in shock before they pressed together in determination. You thought back to her insistence that you take her up on her offer of a soul deal to get what you wanted, assuring you that demon deals were a nasty, messy business that you definitely had to read the fine print on before you signed. And the one thing you hadn’t told Dean is that when Ana brought you back after the witch killed you, her mark was no longer on your soul. When you died, your soul had gone to her as per the deal you’d made, but once you were back inside your body, breathing again, your soul was your own. So her whole line of wanting to make sure you both got what you wanted out of the deal had been complete bullshit. Something you didn’t find out until later on, when she reamed you out for almost dying again on another hunt: a dark entity in an abandoned asylum outside of Chicago. By that time, you trusted Ana enough to make another deal with her. If something happened to you, you trusted that she would keep your soul safe until she revived you or otherwise. What that otherwise was you couldn’t be sure, but you trusted her implicitly to look out for you. Something she had been doing ever since you crossed each other’s paths.

Things suddenly became so clear to you, almost as if you had been trying to see out of a foggy window but no matter how much you rubbed at it or turned the defroster on, it never cleared…until now.

Her smile faded slightly when you leaned in and gently brushed your lips against hers, pulling back to see what she would do. Another lightning flash lit up the room and you could see her glancing back and forth between you and your mouth, leaning in slowly. You met her halfway and a light fluttery feeling bloomed in your chest when you connected and this time it was more than just a brush of lips. You turned your body slightly towards her and cupped her cheek, taking control of the kiss. It surprised you a little but it felt like you were kissing someone who was inexperienced. You couldn’t tell if it had to do with you being a woman or a human, and she was holding back either way, or if she had never truly done this before. Regardless, you looked forward to finding out.

She began to mimic your movements and the kiss grew more passionate. You realized that you wanted more of the kiss, more of her. You reached up and began to slowly unbutton her Mulberry silk blouse (as she’d told you so many times before when warning you not to get it dirty if you opened something near her) but her hand covered yours, stopping you.

You broke away from her, your brows drawn together. “What?”

She trailed fingertips from your cheek down to your lips, intently studying you.

“Ana?”

Her eyes met yours. “You need sleep so you can drive in the morning. I said we would be okay staying here tonight, but once morning hits, we need to leave.” You went to protest when she shook her head. “Once we’re far enough away, we’ll have plenty of time for this. But for now, sleep.”

You wanted to argue that Chuck could soon end all life as you knew it so there was no time like the present but this was also new to you. You’d never been with a woman before, never mind an angel. What were the rules? How did it go? Being with Dean, you’d seen some porn in your time so you vaguely had an idea how it went with women, but nothing concrete. You’d only ever been with Dean and a few other guys after all. But an angel inside a female human vessel…and a female human…put point blank, how the hell did that work?

So, you didn’t push and instead, nodded your agreement. Ana got off the bed and you laid back down, settling the sheets over you once more. She took a seat next to you, sitting against the headboard, and began to gently brush your hair back with her hand. You had always wondered why she always seemed to be touching you or caressing you when you two were alone (and she wasn’t miffed at you); now you knew why. It wasn’t long before your eyes started to close and you began to drift off, hoping you wouldn’t go straight back into a nightmare. Thankfully, the thunder seemed to be moving away from your location.

Almost as if she heard your thoughts, Ana murmured, “Sleep. I’ll keep you safe.”

You nearly smiled at her words. You never told her this because not only would she have gotten offended but she would’ve denied it to the ground, but most times, you almost felt like you had a guardian angel watching over you. A guardian angel that dressed better than most humans and would kill for a top of the line Hermes handbag (and you meant that literally). Who gave you dirty looks and a hard time most days, but a guardian nonetheless. Now, you weren’t quite sure what she would be to you. You were now glad she had stopped you before. You both had some things to figure out and a discussion should be had whenever you got to where you were going next, but regardless, one thing was for sure: you knew she would keep you safe.

A/N: I know Cas had to stick his hand inside a human's chest to be able to read the marks of an angel on the bones of that human, but I decided to adjust it for fic purposes. I initially was going to do something similar to the handprint but I liked this idea better. Please let me know what you think!

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