#started at 1 am finished at 4 am and i dont regret anything. my sleeping schedule has not recovered yet though | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skinnyghosttears · 3 years

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April 16, 2021

1:08 am

In a moment of pure anxiety I already sorted everything for the baked oats I want to try for lunch, so I dont have to count anything. I want to avoid the cyclette tomorrow since its not really comfy, but I want to walk if I can. Plus I'll go to the store with my bike so I'll burn something. Im already planning how to count calories for the stuff I want to do during the weekend because I want to do something yummy for my parents but at the same time I want to know so I was thinking about doing my portions separate from the rest, I just hope it will be not as hard as I'm thinking.

2:14 am

Still here just for saying that after some water the number in the scale was lower, that bitch is making fun of me 😩

10:08 am

Didnt slepts really well, but I dont feel so tired. Im gonna weight myself and then I'll go to the store. I want to clean my room and the bathroom today so even if I will not really exercise I will do something lmao.

Ugh, 60,7kg... I mean I was 60,75 yesterday but bitch... I just woke up so its fine to weight like this, idk id its normal but I always feel really heavy and bloated right when I get up from my bed, If this number will go back to 60,5kg for lunch time I can eat my oats without worry, Im just scared it will not do it...

11:48 am

Just came back home, I spent more money that I thought but I found a protein version of philadelphia (its cream cheese, idk how famous the brand is outsife my country lmao) and it has 152kcal for 250g, I hope I'll like it, it will be a cool safe food. I also took some mushrooms for sunday dinner since the recipe for lunch has a lot of calories (I'll still try to do my portion separated but who knows if mom will ruin my plan).

I want to weight myself again buy I still have to wait 2 hours before lunch so it better if I start to clean the house.

2:24 pm

60,5kg! I can stick to my plan wothout worry today! God Im so happy! Then today I will walk, hoping to see more progress tomorrow.

4:17 pm

Yoooo the lunch was cool, it had more calories than a normal lunch but I really liked it. Im gonna drink some almond milk adding some mint flavour to it and it will be my snack for today. Also mom said yes for me to count my stuff this weekend so I will know every single number I need. God Im so happy rn, I hope to continue like this.

6:07 pm

Ate a little bar and one strawberry while I was preparing them for the family, Im hungry af but those stuff were enough for stop me from binging. Im sure that dinner will not stop the hunger, if I really cant stop myself I'll try some of the cheese I took today, so I'll still be under 700kcal. I want to burn at least 400 just walking.

8:42 pm

Finished dinner. I was 61kg right before so my mood is not the best... Im gonna walk more in a bit until midnight. I really want to cry...

10:23 pm

Ok I already burned 516kcal today, I'll continue until I can but im really scared of tomorrow, both for the scale and the stuff I want to cook. It nothing that bad, Im sure I will stay under 1000 but if the number will be the same as today or higher I will regret every bite of the day. I will calculate all the calories before I'll go to sleep so at least tomorrow I will not fuck up. God Im so stressed. I just want to see a 4 near that 60, please...

12:45 am

I took a shower. Im really sad. Hope to sleep soon.

#ana #proana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed

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strayology · 5 years

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About me tag ~

Rules : Answer the questions and tag 10 people

tagged by my fave kachuuuu thank youuuuu

(yeah i haven’t been on for a while,, i’ve been busy with school and i’ve been kinda feeling sick being on social medias but oh well what else can i do for past time?)

1. How tall are you?

I stand a wholly 162cm or 5′3″ (yeah i have always thought I was 5′4″ but I remeasured and I was 5′3″ ;-;)

2. What color are your eyes?

black like the deep dark abyss of a black hole :’)

3. What color and style is your hair?

black,, it’s straight and I style it a couple of ways depending on my mood or outfit. most of the time I wear it down or in a ponytail

4. Do you wear glasses?

yep i do,, sometimes I wear my prescriptions color contacts because my outfit looks better without glasses lol

5. Do you have braces?

nope never did, but surprisingly my teeth are really straight??

6. What’s your fashion sense?

I usually go for more of a sporty or girl crush style. I like wearing loose fitting clothes that are baggy and long (especially on the arm but my arms are so long so sometimes its hard to find stuff that are normal length for the body and long sleeves for my arms) but once in a while i wanna feel cute so i wear a dress or skirt or something, but I feel like i can’t move freely in those lol

and I do tend to dress more in a korean style (apparently that’s the reason why a lot of people have mistaken me as korean)

7. Full name?

ummmmmm... I guess this is the first time i’m admitting on here that my real name isn’t yumi...??????

but it’s,, Yumi Yee

8. When were you born?

October 24th, 2001

9. Where are you from and where do you live?

I was born in the US but I grew up in China and i currently reside in the US

10. What school(s) do you go to?

As of right now i’m in a 4-year high school, but I also go to a career and tech school for my computer science classes

11. What kind of student are you?

ehhhhh the one that procrastinates but still tries to get work in on time. i mean i dont really like doing my school work for any classes i dont like, and I would procrastinate as long as possible and still meet the deadline. but for classes i like i will try my best to do work right away and perfect it (which usually make people call me a try hard lol)

12. Do you like school?

i mean i like it when i get to see my friends and learn about subjects that actually interest me and let me have fun in

13. Fav subject?

math, chemistry, foreign language (I took spanish), and computer science

14. Fav TV shows?

I don't watch a lot of shows but I watched The Office couple months ago and I love that

15. Fav books?

The Percy Jackson series (although I haven’t finished it oOps), the Paisley Hanover series, and i like quite a lot of poetries (I’m still reading some from these books I bought a while ago, but once I finish i will see if I wanna recommend or not)

16. Fav pastimes?

cooking/baking, reading chinese comics (I recently got into them and they are sooooo good), listening to music, watch youtube, online shopping, editing (sometimes), mess around with the html codes on my blog, and sleeping

17. Do you have any regrets?

bwahahah way too many,, but if those events never happened in my life I probably wouldn't be who I am today

18. Dream job?

being a translator or any jobs dealing with computer science (mainly web designer)

19. Would you ever like to be married?

i mean yeah, but I have never imagined my own wedding or anything but I do know I wanna get married at 28???

20. Would you like to have children?

yeah,, again i’ve never really thought about this because all ive been thinking about is what kind of job i want or how i’m gonna live with my friends or s/o after college

21. If so, how many?

maybe 1 or 2

22. Do you like shopping?

OHHHHHHH HECK YEAAAAAAAAAH,, i seriously think I have an addiction because i always wanna go shopping and I constantly want new clothes or go to the mall in general. and even if I dont get anything at the mall I like to try on different outfits and take pictures in them

23. What countries have you visited?

Well I didn’t really visit these countries but I did live in them,, China and the US

24. Scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?

literally every one of my dreams I remember is a nightmare lmao

I mean this dream isn’t really scary because it didn’t scare me that much,,

(BUT IM GONNA PUT A WARNING RIGHT HERE BECAUSE I DID TALK ABOUT BLOOD SO IF YOURE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT SCROLL PAST THIS PART NOW)

it was around when I was 8 years old. it was in my old house, and I was sleeping in my room and I woke up alone on my giant king size bed (yeah I used to sleep with my mom for a while because our room arrangements got messed up) nobody was home because I didn’t hear any sounds, but i saw on the wall that was next to me was starting to drip blood. I wanted to go out of my room to see what was going on, so I stepped out and saw the house was empty, and all i heard was loud dog barking noises. I was terribly afraid of dogs so i ran back into my room and yeah the blood was still dripping but i woke up right then

25. Any enemies?

oOps I have too many of them. I’m the kind of person who kinda knows what I want from a friendship, and also knows what I don’t want. So if I see anyone who has any of those traits I dont want I end my friendship with them right then and there. and if someone who i see is being rude, then I just remember who they are and never try to be around them ever

26. Do you have a significant other?

nope and probably never will :’)))))

27. Do you get along with your family?

for the most part yeah, I mean my parents and I argue once in a while over something stupid and I'll just avoid them for like 2 days to a week. but my siblings and I are super well now especially because they all posted something about us on national siblings day when I thought they wouldn't lmao

28. Do you believe in miracles?

I think I do,, I am a huge believer on luck and stuff. so yes I do believe in miracles and I think miracles do happen

29. How are you?

well today is easter and I was supposed to go on a date, but it got canceled last minutes and I’m kinda upset about it since I was dressed and all. but I feel bad for being about upset because the other person might be actually in medical danger so I tried not to think too much about it by doing photoshoots outside my backyard and i think I may or may not have a potential for stay selca day 👀 (I haven’t done a selca day since maybe october/november of 2017,, and it was an igot7selcaday)

tagging: @jxsng @hwangwhatjin @hwanginthere @sunflowerseungmin @honey-innie @jinniesmeow @wangjyunhao @ughh-m @fluffylix @hjsracha

Of course youre not obligated to do this if you dont want to !!

#tagged !!#alright time to roll around and figure out what else to do #well i still need to find a ride to the concert :(((

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carmineclock · 5 years

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Dead Man Blues

Doc Scratch 4:28 PM

Its been an hour or so since your big meeting with the others, hopefully things have cooled down somewhat since then. You'd like to think you kept it quite calm and tasteful, despite your overall annoyance. Most of this time you spent updating your journal. You really have to do something about all these journals, its not safe to keep so many. And yet... With a sigh you set your pen aside. Time to do yet more damage control. You still think theres a chance you can get through to Trace, though perhaps you might be as bad as Clover in taht regard. Hoping is one thing, some men just dont change. Still, you make your way down to the holding cells. Perhaps your chat with Trace just needed a more dire backdrop. A broken arm and a cold concrete room with metal bars could be just what the Doctor ordered. Hoo hoo.

Trace 9:01 PM

Dire backdrop is an understatement. Your arm is long swollen, wrapped carefully in your shirt to give it some stability. You know a bit of first aid, but that is surprisingly difficult when it's your own arm and the only means you got available are what you have on your person. The new wound on your chest is just as aching, red and bloody with a hint of gold. You may have managed to pass out for a few hours, but you could hardly call that sleep, especially with that nightmare. Her body, stabbed and strung up - not Aradia's, but Nepeta's. A message to the one closest to her - Fin, angryy setting fire to your very self. The images linger, even long after you finally come to. And then the nightmare after you wake up - Snowman and how she dragged Fin in for your mutual punishment. How she used your wedding rings to violently erase the tattoo on your chest marking your love and relationships. When Scratch enters, you're wide awake, as much as you loathe it. Your mind still feels foggy and worlds away, definitely not prepared for a talk with him.

Doc Scratch 2:28 AM

You study him as you walk in, taking note of the remnants of Snowmans lesson. As graceful as she is deadly, as always. The gold makes a nice addition in your opinion. You take a chair from the nearby table and move it to in front of the bars in silence. After you moment you sit backwards with your arms resting over the back of the chair sit down normally, like a gentleman. This isnt an interrogation, or a call for confession, its just a conversation. "So, lets have it out, Trace. Whats this Droog business really all about. Dont you realize what youve cost yourself?"

Trace 9:51 AM

It never not feels like an interrogation with Scratch. You look up and watch him as he gets comfortable, then stare off to the side when he speaks. The muscles in your jaw tense, and when you reply, your hoarse and cracking voice clearly shows your exhaustion and pain. "Sir.. Do we really need to do this now? I'm not exactly the best for a talk right now and I'm really not too keen on netting me another scar for mouthing off..." Of course, you're aware he wouldn't have it any other time then when you're broken and at your wit's end.

Doc Scratch 11:27 AM

"If you're worried about your mouth, then I suggest you keep a civil tongue. I'm not concerned, though. Theres a kind of freeing honesty that cement walls and metal bars bring that can be found nowhere else. At this point, I would rather you speak freely, its just us now." Just the two of you. Man to man, or whatever Trace can be considered. Its an interesting thought, his classification may change as his DNA did. You'll have to look into that later. For now, your eyes are solely on him. His broken body, his pain. "Tell me true, Trace. I want to hear it. All of it. I wont punish you for speaking truthfully when asked. Its lies I hate the most."

Trace 3:03 PM

You give him a sour smile. You'll believe it when you see it. "What this is about, you really gotta ask?" Feels like you already talked plenty enough about this, and you doubt you got anything else to say that could placate him. Only plenty of frustration that has built up over everything, and you're way too tired to filter your words. Lets see who of the two of you is going to regret that more. "I.. am sorry that any of this ever reflected back on you, Nepeta or any of the Felt. It should never have been anything but personal. Which, I realize... there's not really a personal in this outfit, is there?" you begin, actually honestly. "This... it was nothing more than a brawl between two guys heated up on a little too much emotion. But then this bastard.. abducted Nepeta, tortured and abused her, and then me. Cause he was pissed he got decked in the face. And he kept going, provoking us again and again, paralyzing her, seducing another, hurting us, as a whole, again and again. How could you expect me to do just nothing? You've been sending a signal, to them and to us, that they can just pick members of this very house off the street and do with us what they want." You try to sit up properly to face him better, wincing from the pain shooting through your arm again. "How has this not been a war yet for fuck's sake? How come Snowman can take the god damn white queen hostage, but we sit idle when the Crew come to pick us apart bit by bit? How come Snowman can take the god damn white queen hostage, but we sit idle when the Crew come to pick us apart, bit by bit?"

Doc Scratch 6:17 PM

You sit in silence, letting him say what hes going to say. You dont blame him for his views, and if anything, this lashing out may prove beneficial to you. No matter what happens from now on, Droog will have the reminder in the back of his mind. Certainly he wont forget it. Idly, you pull at the edge of your gloves, nodding every so often through his heated speech. Well, hes partially right on certain fronts. It really should have been war by now, whether you wanted it to be or not. The crew have gotten bolder and bolder, could it be your fault? Through inaction, have you allowed the crew more purchase on this slippery slope than you'd intended? "To start off, I'll answer your question. The reason it has not been war yet is because we did not have the numbers to win a war." You let out a silent sigh. "In truth, I'd hoped to collect our full set before provoking the Crew into an all out battle. I dont know how many wars you've seen, Trace, but I've seen enough to know that as much as you and all the others may want to go to war, young men that you are, we are not in a favored position for it. The Crew will always have the love of the common people, they built this city, and those that reside here are their kin. They have the better defenses, and most importantly, they have magic. True magic, the likes of which I cant begin to match." You pause to stand, arms folded behind your back as you pace, speaking more to the open air than to Trace now.

"Snowman is an army in her own right, its folly to compare anything or anyone to her. This little brawl you've had with Diamonds, its beyond reason and a waste of resources besides. If you were provoked into action, then you're a fool, because thats what Diamonds wanted from you. But more than that, you've allowed him to take the higher ground. The city is going to bleed now, I'll see to that, but you've allowed Diamonds to make it personal. And a man on a revenge mission doesnt care for the ruin he causes. I did not take what I've taken of this city for the last fourty years just to see it burned by some self righteous bastard in an Armani tuxedo." Another sigh, louder this time. You rub your temple, pausing in your pacing to look back at him. "Provoking. Abusing. Hurting us. All of us. You're right on that front. What one of us suffers, we all suffer. It was my mistake. I took this for play, the usual violence between men at odds, petty revenge for the sake of sleeping better." “But no, this has gotten well and truly out of hand. And its too late to go back. You’ve signed us up for a a war we were not prepared for, against an enemy whose eyes you’ve spit in, and now you say it should have been sooner. Hmph. Maybe you’re right. I dont hear the heckling of those underneath me, but it would only make sense that you do. So, then, its to be war. Do you have any plans for this war you’ve longed for, Trace? Any soldiers for the army? Connections to supplies and trades? Or did you expect that all you had to do was start it, and that I would finish it?”

Trace 8:05 PM

Well, obviously, you don't have any of these. You didn't plan for a war, let alone prepare for it. This was a selfish and careless act of revenge and he knows that. You're slowly starting to realize that you feel more bewildered about Nepeta's reaction than the prospect of war. This life has already been hell and you're tired of playing along. How little you care about Scratch's achievements and goals. Still, that is not an answer to give your boss and, unfortunately, owner. You close your eyes and think. The least you owe the others is to try And if you've doomed all of you to die and burn, maybe you can at least rip a big hole into the crew. "..How much longer is he gonna have the favor of the common people if he's burning them? If he lashes out without remose and care, use it against them. With fires burning purple, it's not hard to besmirch their name. You have sucked the people dry under threat of violence and torture if they don't pay up. If you lack manpower, offer then alternatives. The crew is torching Felt warehouses. If it's supplies we lack, take theirs. We may be lacking time to prepare, but so do they. It's not too late to gain the upper hand."

Doc Scratch 1:40 PM

You stand and listen as he rattles off his ideas. Theyre not all without merit, but theyre naive, blunt, though its something you've come to expect. How could he possibly have known what he was getting himself, and the rest of the Felt, into. "Hes not burning them, he's burning us. True, it was careless, but Droog wont stay careless. Hes distraught over his daughters death, but he wont stay that way forever. He has as at least as much of a tactical mind as I do, he was built for war." You run a hand over your head, eyes closed in thought, trying not to imagine plumes of purple smoke eating their way through the Felt manor. Purple and green clash too much, it would be hideous. "I have ways of retaking the people, though its not the dregs of society that I'm worried about. All I need is a shiny coin and a loaf of bread to win their loyalty back. We need to spread out. We need bases of operation throughout the city, safe places that arent glaring green mansions on a hilltop. If the Crew want war, we have to play their game." Yes, this is sounding more like a plan every passing second. You almost get carried away, before remembering where you are. This is no time to get caught up in nostalgia. "You know, it would be much easier planning if we had our trackers back. You and Fin have skills that will be of paramount importance coming very soon. Yet, I hesitate to bring you into the fold. Why should I trust that you can stay your hand? That your loyalty to this organization will trump your lust for revenge? You've proven the exact opposite is the case. Give me a reason why I shouldn't just let you sit down here and rot until the war is over with."

Trace 7:47 PM

Hey, can't blame you for trying, considering your situation. The night in here didn't exactly allow you to do your homework. Neither does it help with the next question. You look at him, tired as you are, trying to muster up the energy to defend yourself. Can't say you're, heh, dying to prove your loyalty to him, but wasting away down here in this cell doesn't seem like a solution either. "I... can't live without this organization. And neither can those that I care about. I know that my actions didn't exactly show it, but I want to do what I can to help it succeed and keep us all safe where possible." You'd like to assure him that your thirst for revenge is well-quenched - and for now it is. But should anything happen to Nepeta and Fin in this war you've apparently summoned, things could get ugly really fast. You won't tell him that. He's probably well aware. You'd like to not have to come to that though. "You gave the reason yourself. We're good at what we can do, and without us, this is gonna be much harder to deal with. Sure, it's a risk for you, but I'd be the one out there, risking my neck. It's my blood they're after. I'm not expecting your trust. I'm sure if you send me out there again, you'll be keeping a close eye on me, until I'll maybe have proven myself someday. Not sure what else I can give you besides my word, and I don't think that's much worth to you right now."

Doc Scratch 1:35 PM

"Hmm, its true enough." You sit back down, leaning back as you think. If you were a lesser man, you might consider handing him over to the crew and suing for peace. That would only be a short term fix, though, and probably cause more problems than itd solve. Not to mention youre loathe to lose one piece of the set. "In truth, Trace, I dont blame you for your actions. Not fully. Droog brought his suffering upon himself. We're just lucky he was good enough to burn all the evidence." "At the very least you'll be going back to work soon, though as far away from Fin as possible. Perhaps Crowbar can take up the handle of your keeper. I cant have a mad dog running around doling out a childs version of vigilante justice." "For now, though, youll enjoy these accommodations. Im just having your room prepared."

Trace 1:48 PM

You should probably feel relieved at that response, could have gone much worse, after all. But the feeling of anxiety and dread keeps lingering. "I guess that's only fair." You lean back as well, which sends another pain shooting through your arm. A quiet hiss escapes you. Cursed thing. "Before you leave.. with all due respect, not trying to tell you what to do, but I don't think you'd find having me lose my arm or my life to an infection practical..."

Doc Scratch 1:55 PM

You were aleady on your way out when he makes his request. Now you pause, and turn slightly. "Does it hurt? Good. Its supposed to. Someone will be down soon to tend to it. Think on your mistakes, and how you can do better in the future." With that, you take your leave, closing and locking the door behind you.

#logs

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hecallsmehischild · 6 years

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Mental Organization

Less a post to vent poison right now. More a post to untangle the ball of yarn and line the skeins up neatly in their compartments because right now it’s all one huge mishmash and I think it’s keeping me from what they call “executive function.”

Projects that I have a handle on but that I keep having to stop because I can’t make myself create something quality if my feelings are snarled

Illustrating a children’s story my friend wrote, called How To Be Good. I’m so happy with this. I’m no pro illustrator but my skills have grown a lot since I illustrated the other story (Purple is for Playtime). It’s so visually cheerful, it makes me happy to look at finished pages.

Hey Spacejerk. I love it so far but I’m apprehensive now. I’ve taken the device I was using to create this story and smashed it. How fast do I go now? I don’t really want to write a super long fanfiction. I don’t think I want this story to be longer than ten chapters more. But if I go too fast the audience will feel cheated.

Laughter Lines. I’m more sunk into the flow of this one, but constantly worried I’m going to screw up the device I’ve been laying dominoes for. It’s more complicated than my usual and, unlike previous fandoms where I could handwave these details, it will matter that everything is just right.

Elrohee. I just want to process things here. I want to be careful, too, because I don’t want it to get preachy. Ever. This series is not about being preachy and never was.

Wire trees. I created a larger wire tree recently and also a new kind of button tree that got me all excited. Then I started a tree with wire I didn’t like (because I was running out of colors) and I regret that. I don’t like the color combination. I’m staring at the half finished tree. I hate the waste, but I want to get back to being able to make trees. That half finished tree will stare me in the face forever if I don’t. So I’m standing up to throw it away now. No… No I’m not. The color combination isn’t hideous, just… not inspiring. If I add some really nice beads to it, it will perk up. I dont’ want to waste it.

Painting. Currently I have a half finished orange mask and a half finished wooden wiggly snake. Right now I have no inspiration to finish either, though I think maybe the orange mask might be flamey? Or sunny.

Crochet. I have two blankets in the works, one random-yarn blanket and one that has planned colors as a gift. They take up a lot of space.

Recording chapters of The Book of the Dun Cow aloud. This project is fun, though I do have to muster some will to make myself do it. Dramatic reading is kind of a joy, actually, especially with this book where I have all the voices down. I’m thinking of putting up the link to the whole playlist once the book is fully recorded.

Scrapbooking. I’m so happy. I have only a fraction of this project left to do, and then everything is nicely organized into binders.

And I get very angry and frustrated and kind of despair-y when I find I can’t move forward with these. It feels ridiculous because doing creative things HELPS me feel better, but I can’t do them when I feel bad??? What kind of Catch-22 is that???

Projects I am starting to get a handle on

Basic house cleaning. Or at least floors and bathrooms and countertops. Going to try and do a little bit every day that way it doesn’t become some weekly/monthly overwhelming chore I avoid like the plague.

House decorating. I’ve started getting into this and really liking it. I found a Texan-style wreath for the front door, placed 3 different house mats, and started tacking silk ivy around the kitchen windows. I’m actually kind of proud of myself about this.

Projects I am literally flailing through

Planning a wedding. Dear God, what am I doing? In the next two weeks I need to do the final ring purchase so that something has moved forward and finished. I also need to arrange the legal marriage so our paperwork is completed in the state of our residence and there aren’t any snarls with an out-of-state ceremony. That’s the goal for the next two weeks. Also how do you decorate??? (I ask, rhetorically. I’m looking through some stuff but I think I need to simplify my idea. Maybe instead of all four seasons, just winter/spring?)

Finding a therapist. The one I called isn’t responding. Don’t know how much leeway to give. If I haven’t heard back from her by Saturday night I’m going to try calling someone else. I need to move forward with getting approval for the surgery.

Krav Maga. I’m finally back and I’m doing well with jabs and punches, but anything that requires me to squat and rise multiple times is really hard. I’m very weak there, and while squatting my leg muscles just give out. I’ve looked up a beginner’s squatting routine that I’m going to TRY to enact because I really would love to stop humiliating myself in class. Been having panic issues before class (that stop once I’m in it, because there is NO ROOM in my being to have panic when I’m constantly moving) and would like that to stop. Prayed with my fiancée on the drive over and held his hand and that helped some.

Online Writing Course. Already panicked and frozen over a super vague writing prompt that doesn’t feel like enough explanation was provided. Afraid of being judged by peers. Afraid of critiquing peers because who am I to say this is good or bad? They are all in an Official Writing Course so they MUST know better than me, right? Even if it looks like they really don’t? Frozen.

Editing Best Served Cold. Froze again. Freaked out that I wasn’t a good enough writer to edit anything and froze. Freaking…

Patreon. This is a very on and off again thing. I don’t know how to self promote except through repetition which freaks me out. I don’t know how to save good things for “just the patrons” when I want to share it all. Don’t know if I should restructure all my tiers so there’s less tiers and less offerings? Very possible.

Etsy. Nobody really looks at the listings. I don’t blame them. I’m not a self promoter and I’m not a photographer. All my stuff looks better laid out on a table to sell but I don’t know where around here to do that so for now it just decorates the house. Maybe I should give up on Etsy again and just stick with my Facebook shop. People who use Etsy are serious about their business. This is a hobby I hope to sell a bit of and give the rest away.

Socially

Krav Maga class. I connected with at least one person who’s really sweet and nice. She’s more advanced than I am for sure but helps me feel a lot more at ease and I feel the need to apologize to her a lot less.

Small Group. My fiancée and I found a small group that’s an offshoot of the church we were trying. The church is a mega-church and we’re both still very wary of that. I felt very lost in a sea of people. But this group feels like a band of very real people, expressing doubts and pain while searching in the Bible together, eating pizza, and hanging out. Meets twice a month, plus one extra day that’s just girl’s night. I am looking forward to getting to know these people 3 Mondays a month.

D&D Shabbat night. Friday nights now we (light our brand new candles!) say the blessing, and eat a meal (now home cooked because ALL OUR KITCHEN IS FUNCTIONAL, WOOOOO), then retire to the great hall to play D&D. We are currently at 1 GM and 4 players, soon to be 5 players. We’re brand new so this will be glorious.

Health

BPV. Had a round of Benign Positional Vertigo for a few weeks. Finally cleared up. At least next time I’m suddenly dizzy out of nowhere I won’t think I’m dying.

Eating. Eating is weird lately. I’m walking this really fine line between getting obsessed with my weight and not caring. I have veered hard in the direction of aggressively “not caring” most of my life, partly because I was afraid of the eating disorders my friends suffered from. I’m doing pretty well with my eating, choosing my food carefully for one-main-meal-a-day-plus-light-snacks eating and trying to keep it all under 1400 cal. I don’t have a lot of impulse control when it comes to eating so I flat out can’t keep foods in the house “just for that one treat day” because that one treat day is TODAY no matter what I say to myself. Best I can do is limit my access to those foods (including turning down SOME opportunities to go out and eat). Impulse control gets worse with wonky emotions because I will eat ALL THE FEELS. Lately my main meal is (one can) tuna salad sandwich on onion roll, which is filling enough, then I eat plums and flavored rice cakes or salted-but-not-buttered-popcorn or pickles for the rest of the day. I picked up a few small soups which look good. Came to the realization recently that I really do need to stop thinking of this as something I do “Just until I get to goal weight.” In order to maintain the healthy weight I hope to achieve, I will still need to eat well. I don’t get to let loose just because I made it. So I have reluctantly begun adopting the idea that I need to do right by my eating habits as a permanent lifestyle change. I’d like to be around longer and in order to do so I need to take better care of myself than I have been. But I can feel obsession right on the edge of my consciousness and that’s a scary feeling. I’m trying not to fall into obsession or let it drive me off the other edge of extremes to not caring. Walking the tightrope carefully.

Sleep. Sleep is weird too. Some nights I wake up a lot, then I can get up in the morning easier. Some nights I zonk out straight through and then it’s super hard to get up in the morning. Still wish that I could not be so motion sensitive. I used to be Dusty-sleeps-like-a-rock and now I’m a light sleeper. All someone has to do is call my name and I jolt up.

Trich. Been obsessively tweezing a lot more. Gaps in every eyelid. Unhappy about this.

This Blog and Processing

I don’t always know what to do on here anymore. I post fanfiction, but the part of my life that I would normally process out loud... I can’t really do that now. It actually directly impacts someone this time. Feels like words are measured with a lot more care instead of just spilling out willy nilly and I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I know that things knot up inside some more, but does that mean I just need to find a different not-so-public outlet for these things? It hasn’t really worked well so far.

Ever since the beginning of the year I have wondered to myself if I am too public with things and I’ve been a step more self conscious about it (yeah, weird to say on this complete textual vomit, right? But it’s been building for a really long time and I need this) since the end of last year. I let some words get under my skin that I shouldn’t have, but they’re hard to shake because I don’t know how much objective truth is in them.

Dealing with unfamiliar feelings that I want no part of. Anger isn’t unfamiliar, but it’s unwelcome. Boundaries book says anger is a good alarm bell, but I just… don’t want to. I don’t know where the line for “good anger” is and I don’t know how to do anger without setting every bridge around me on fire. Hatred is unfamiliar and even more unwelcome. It feels like tasty, warm poison. I want it, badly. I want it as a defense against past, current, and future pain. I want to rear up and yell “Not this time!” when I see patterns from my past repeating and I want icicles dripping from my words. But it’s deeply wrong. This isn’t what the God I serve taught, and I know hatred will poison me to the core of who I am. I get that those ideas have been hackneyed to death with pop catchphrases and whatnot, but I mean… that doesn’t make it any less true. And it’s going to be really ugly and messy and I don’t want to deal with it when being ice queen would be a hell of a lot easier. Still, I don’t know how NOT to hate at this moment, so when I’m aware I give God permission to change this in me because I can’t/don’t know how to change it myself right now.

Sometimes I wish I had more to say on the Dear Someone tag, but I know who Someone is and I tell him in person every day and it’s the most beautiful, wonderful part of my life right now.

I say a lot of negative stuff. Even if it’s true stuff, I tend to focus on processing negatives a lot. I want to figure out ways to process positive and good things. I think I’m afraid of sounding like I’m gloating or shoving good things in the face of people who are hurting. But. I also want to share the joyful things in my life. And be grateful for them publicly as I am privately. I want to rewire my brain so that the first thing that comes to mind is not what’s wrong, but what’s right. I don’t want to do this in a fakey way, that sort of front really bothers me, but there has to be some genuine way to express gratitude and joy on a more regular basis. Pain isn’t the only genuine thing there is.

I want to process publicly some of my Bible reading and I have done so, but every time I’m afraid I might be stepping on someone’s toes or making someone angry at me. I don’t want to start fights but I also want to share stuff. I don’t want to mislead people, but I want to explore.

I’m trying so hard to accept that I’m happy doing what I like, but when “doing what I like” gives out on me because I’m emotional I get so angry and upset and fearful and I wonder if I’m really okay with that at all. Or is it just my mental illness acting out, then? It’s hard to tell if that’s what’s clouding my thought process and dampening my will to act.

Misc

I feel bad that my To Do Today or Today’s Goals posts are not working for me as well as they were at the start. It feels like failure.

I feel grief and anger and uncertainty about my family situation, both immediate and extended. I still don’t know how to balance the fact that I’ve split off to start a new family (just me and my fiancée, not kids) and that this one is supposed to be my priority, while still loving the family I grew up in. Or what love looks like with distance. What I’ve been engaging in doesn’t look or feel like actual relationship.

I want to bake. I want to bake lots of sweets. Apple pies, I want to make applesauce and jam (not baking, I know), I want to make lembas bread and chocolate chip cookies and ALL OF THE THINGS.

My area is a freaking mess and I need to fix that by tomorrow. And also make Miso soup for 5.

Stressed about trying to keep all aforementioned balls in the air without melting down or losing track of any.

I think there’s more. But. I’m tired. And I need to go to bed. And this… I think this helps. I’ve shelved a lot of brain skeins tonight. Maybe I’ll be a little more productive tomorrow.

#rlchild #wrestling with God #lots of stuff #huge verbal dump #blergh

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dicnysian · 6 years

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answer all those questions you bitch

well I am ur lawfully wedded bitch1. Who was the last person you held hands with? UH idfk i hold hands w people without realization2. Are you outgoing or shy?Depends if u a bitch or not 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?reese & colbert whenever wherever whoever however  4. Are you easy to get along with?I'd say so 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?i don't like anyone rn but i like my friends and they sure as hell would cause they dun it before  6. What kind of people are you attracted to?the pure kind we all dream of 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?No 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?colbert & keanu reeves 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?all I ever do is talk abt sex like a preteen boy 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?reese 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?"Tf" 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?1. GYPSY BY FLEETWOOD MAC2. Sawed off shotgun by glorious sons3. Video games by mama del rey4. Ophelia by the lumineers5. Any song from the requiem of a dream ost 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?YES 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?NO 15. What good thing happened this summer?getting drunk everyday while camping  16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?yes idek who it was but yes  17. Do you think there is life on other planets?no  18. Do you still talk to your first crush?no 19. Do you like bubble baths?yes yes yes yes 20. Do you like your neighbors?i don't go outside  21. What are you bad habits?UH biting my nails when I'm nervous which is 24/7 22. Where would you like to travel?Australia 23. Do you have trust issues?mmmmm no but I don't trust any average Joe on the street 24. Favorite part of your daily routine?eating 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?my thighs & waist wtf is goin on there 26. What do you do when you wake up?go back to sleep  27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?I need a tan asap as possible  28. Who are you most comfortable around?my bffs 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?yes dear god 30. Do you ever want to get married?yes 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?yes 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?lana & god himself but that's technically the same person  33. Spell your name with your chin.no 34. Do you play sports? What sports?no 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?TV 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?yes lol I'm a lil pussy 37. What do you say during awkward silences?"SO do u eat ass?" 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?keanu reeves 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?thrift stores & lush 40. What do you want to do after high school?get tf outta this place and go to university 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?mmmm depends on the situation  42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?im overthinking 43. Do you smile at strangers?yes 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?I choose C. 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?my mum  46. What are you paranoid about?ch ch ch changes 47. Have you ever been high?YES 48. Have you ever been drunk?YES IM PROLLY DRUNK RN 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?no I don't think 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?im wearing one rn & it's blue  51. Ever wished you were someone else?yes papí  52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?my nose 53. Favourite makeup brand?too faced 54. Favourite store?lush 55. Favourite blog?reese's ;) (I don't wanna spell it cause I can't) 56. Favourite colour?blue or green 57. Favourite food? sushi 58. Last thing you ate?a sandwich from Timmy's 59. First thing you ate this morning?peanut butter toast 60. Ever won a competition? For what?LMAO i used to play piano and got some trophies and i used to do gymnastics/cheerlead & won some shit 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?SUSPENDED FOR VAPING ON SCHOOL PROPERTY dab dab 62. Been arrested? For what?no 63. Ever been in love? i thought I was but realized later that was a hard no 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?it was on a stairway at a movie theatre and it was horrible period 65. Are you hungry right now?Yes 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?i like my real friends  67. Facebook or Twitter?FB 68. Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr 69. Are you watching tv right now?yessss 70. Names of your bestfriends? Colbert & REESE 71. Craving something? What?idk probably food 72. What colour are your towels?white 72. How many pillows do you sleep with?4 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?no 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?like 500 kept in my closet  75. Favourite animal?chitty chats & lemurs 76. What colour is your underwear?tie-dye 😏 77. Chocolate or Vanilla?vanilla 78. Favourite ice cream flavour?vanilla 79. What colour shirt are you wearing?blue 80. What colour pants?what pants 81. Favourite tv show?UH I like the office & x files 82. Favourite movie?I like JUNO & lots of old movies 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?I'm skipping this cause the answer is obvious  84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?skipping 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Glenn coco 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?the angelfish guy 87. First person you talked to today?mmmmm my mum 88. Last person you talked to today?the day ain't over sunshine 89. Name a person you hate?i have a list 90. Name a person you love?reese 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?yes 92. In a fight with someone?no 93. How many sweatpants do you have?874+ 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?874+ 95. Last movie you watched?memento 96. Favourite actress?uhhhh I'm rlly into emily blunt & margot robbie rn 97. Favourite actor?Keanu reeves (my dad), Leo (my dad), the guy that voices sideshow bob 98. Do you tan a lot?NO i BURN  99. Have any pets?2 kitties 100. How are you feeling?kinda bummed I got a dentist appointment tmrw 101. Do you type fast?si 102. Do you regret anything from your past?no ragrats (yes) 103. Can you spell well?I'd say so  104. Do you miss anyone from your past?yes 105. Ever been to a bonfire party?yes señorita  106. Ever broken someone’s heart?YES 😏😏😏 107. Have you ever been on a horse?yes yes yes 108. What should you be doing?cleaning my room  109. Is something irritating you right now?mmmm nah I'm good rn 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?no 111. Do you have trust issues?stop asking me THIS  112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?uhhh my math teacher cause I forgot how to multiply 113. What was your childhood nickname?syd the kid 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?yes yes 115. Do you play the Wii?wii is good for the soul 116. Are you listening to music right now?NO but I'm GONNA once I finish this 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?eh it's okay 118. Do you like Chinese food?YES that good shit 119. Favourite book?the bell jar or Norwegian wood  120. Are you afraid of the dark?YES 121. Are you mean?idk 122. Is cheating ever okay?noooooo 123. Can you keep white shoes clean?oh DONT get me started on white shoes I think they're the most stupid invention ever created by man  124. Do you believe in love at first sight?no 125. Do you believe in true love?no 126. Are you currently bored?yes 127. What makes you happy?my friends & any song by queen 128. Would you change your name?in a heart beat 129. What your zodiac sign?pisces 130. Do you like subway?mmmm yes 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?I'd say "no you don't"  132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?👏 you asked this sweaty 133. Favourite lyrics right now?hey ho let's go 134. Can you count to one million?I can't even count to 100 without skipping a number or 2 135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I've told lots of dumb shit you can't tell me to pick just one 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?open so the kitties can travel as they please 137. How tall are you?5'3"-5'3" AND A HALF-ISH 138. Curly or Straight hair?wavy 139. Brunette or Blonde?brunette 140. Summer or Winter?summer but winter is pretty 141. Night or Day?night 142. Favourite month?February  143. Are you a vegetarian?HELL no 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?white 145. Tea or Coffee?tea 146. Was today a good day?I'd say so yeh so far 147. Mars or Snickers?mars 148. What’s your favourite quote?idkkkk 149. Do you believe in ghosts?UHuhhuh nO but I think someone's gonna get me when it's dark  150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou)no

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guksuu · 7 years

Text

a giant post about tag games that im gonna finish right now [pt. 1]

skjfhsdkf i’ve been tagged for games and i’ve been neglecting to do them so here’s a giant post with all of them! not gonna tag anyone cause there are so many BUT feel free to do them :’) im warning u, this is gonna be super long!

kpop q’s!

tysm to @yugy for tagging me!!

1. who was your first female bias?

2. who was your first male bias?

cheondung from mblaq!

3. who are your current biases? other than the above:

no biases..im an OT stan (lmao am i the only OT stan for all groups?)

4. in the entire kpop indrustry, who is the closest to your ideal type?

jkshdfksd hmmmm...i dont really have an ideal type..

5. have you ever attended any kpop concert/fan meet/fan sign?

yes!

6. if yes, which group/artist? how was your experience?

my first concert (which is the only concert i’ve been to so far), was club eskimo (dean, offonoff, miso, saay). it was amazing! the performances were a1 n meeting them was so cool. i also saw monsta x! it was such a great night n the boys were so sweet!

7. which group(s) would you like to see live?

got7, seventeen, block b, b.a.p, day6, nu’est, winner...a lot of groups lmao

8. how did you get into kpop?

my brother actually showed me suju’s sorry sorry like in 2009 n i got really interested, so i started looking around n finding more groups.

9. who are your otps?

i haven’t really gotten into otps yet, but some i do know are: yugbam, verkwan, jinyoon, sope

10. when did you start shipping?

jkshfksd im still figuring out ships

11. what was your favorite fanfic genre?

anything thats fluff n angst dkhkdfg

12. what is your favorite music genre?

i listen to a lot of genres

top 10 bias tag

thank u tracy, @eggciao, for tagging me!!

sdfkhsdf im ot so this is gonna be hard but o well (i already did this but imma do it again lmao)

1. junhui (svt)

2. yongguk (b.a.p)

3. chunjin (myteen)

4. ten (nct)

5. johnny (nct)

6. yoochan (a.c.e)

7. dowoon (day6)

8. hyungwon (monsta x)

9. dongho (nu’est)

10. jisung (wanna one)

song tag

thank u @otteryj n @kawaiikpopofsatan n @calemiel for the tag :-)

rules: put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and tag 10 people!

1. 짜장면 - myteen

2. cant see the end - seventeen

3. cry - mblaq

4. stop it - b.a.p

5. moon, 12:04am - offonoff

6. 다시 앞으로 (ft. sumin) - loco

7. 밀착 - taek

8. hey - got7

9. rollercoaster - monsta x

10. good bye bye - nu’est

five things tag

thank u to the lovely @smilingvernon n @whaaattheflower for tagging me!

rules: write the five things in the situation, and then tag 15 people~

five things you’ll find in my bag:

headphones

tons of pens

gum

color pencils

tons of random papers that I need to throw out

five things you’ll find in my bedroom:

vinyls

art supplies scattered everywhere

all of my ceramic and sculpture works

lots of club supplies

binders that are super old, which I need to get rid of

five things I’ve always wanted to do:

travel

learn a new language

go to a festival

sell art

volunteer in a different country

five things that make me feel happy:

dogs

my family n friends

food (so cliche but honestly..)

my lovely mutuals

my favorites loving themselves

five things I’m currently into:

skin care

old school rnb/hip hop/soul/rap

asmr

crime shows

plants

five things on my to-do list:

possibly dye my hair bc senior portraits are coming up

explore n go outside

buy more vinyls even though im broke shfksdsdf

stop being a pushover ://///

fix my sleeping schedule before school starts but we all know it’s not going to happen

get to know me tag

thank u to @cngkyns n @urmomstax n @sleepyw0ns n @nyaaaaaw for tagging me!

rules: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

the last: 1. drink: boba 2. phone call: my mom 3. text message: “50% sweet and light ice” (i was texting my sister my drink order lmao) 4. the song you listened to: diamond 4 ya - b.a.p 5. the time you cried: ahh i don’t remember

have you: 6. dated someone twice: no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: no 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no

list three favorite colors: 12-14: black, yellow, green (that muted green color though lmao)

in the last year have you: 15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: yes 17. laughed until you cried: yes 18. found out someone was talking about you: yes 19. met someone who changed you: yes 20. found out who your friends are: yes 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: no

general: 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: a majority of them 23. do you have any pets: used to have fishes, turtles, and birds 24. do you want to change your name: not anymore 25. what did you do for your last birthday: went out to go eat with the family 26. what time did you wake up: 11am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching one fine day 28. name something you can’t wait for: la trip in october

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: yesterday night 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: im tired of being a pushover :///

31. what are you listening right now: yoongi’s mixtape 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes? 33. something that is getting on your nerves: people who love calling others rude names over minor mistakes, ANYONE THAT SEXUALIZES MINORS, passive aggressive people. i have more but that would be a long list. 34. most visited website: tumblr

lost questions aka random info about me 35. mole(s): one on my thigh (if i remember correctly) 36. mark(s): on my elbow from falling, one between my brows when i slipped on the stairs n fell during tag 37. childhood dream: i had so many like being a dentist, firefighter, cop, etc. 38. hair color: dark brown 39. long or short hair: i like both!

40. do you have a crush on someone: nope 41. what do you like about yourself: my ceramic and sculpture skills! 42. piercings: nope 43. bloodtype: i dunno 44. nickname: lili (that’s what my cousins calls me)

45. relationship status: single

46. zodiac: aries 47. pronouns: she/her 48. favorite TV Show: all the old nick, cartoon network, and disney shows, law & order svu, ridiculousness, wild n out, mr. robot, etc. 49. tattoos: nope 50. right or left hand: right 51. surgery: yes but when i was younger 52. hair dyed in different color: i have done like an ombre before 53. sports: i like basketball, swimming, and baseball 55. vacation: i wanna go back to hawai’i, visit korea, thailand, philippines, etc. 56. pair of trainers: 2

more general: 57. eating: lots of viet and chinese 58. drinking: water, and boba 59. i’m about to: watch some shows, make gfx n gifs 61. waiting for: the day i graduate highschool 62. want: lots of food n rest 63. get married: yes, but maybe after i get settled a bit w my career 64. career: sculptures&ceramics/graphic designer, or psychology/criminal justice

which is better?: 65. hugs or kisses: hugs

66. lips or eyes: eyes!

67. shorter or taller: either

68. older or younger: either, but not by a lot

70. nice arms or stomach: either lmao

71. sensitive or loud: both!

72. hookups or relationships: relationships

73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

have you ever: 74. kissed a stranger: no 75. drank hard liquor: yes 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: yes 77. turned someone down: yes 78. sex on the first date: no 79. broken someone’s heart: yes 80. had your heart broken: yes 81. been arrested: no 82. cried when someone died: yes 83. fallen for a friend: no

do you believe in: 84. yourself: not really :/ 85. miracles: yes, but where are they in my life lmao 86. love at first sight: depends 87. santa Claus: no 88. kiss on the first date: no 89. angels: yes

other: 90. current best friends name: hannah, jane, kim, christina, and jhkdfs all of my network pals :-)) 91. eyecolor: dark brown 92. favorite movie: any studio ghibli film i’ve seen, kill bill 1 & 2, forrest gump, wonder woman, beetle juice, boyz n the hood, etc.

question tag

tagged by @wooziology!!! tysm :-))

1. ARE YOU NAMED AFTER SOMEONE?

nope

2. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

i don’t remember

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

i like it. it’s super small.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

beef or chicken

5. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

yes?

6. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

yes

7. DO YOU HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

yes

8. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

no thank u

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF CEREAL?

cookie crunch, cinnamon toast, or regular cheerios

10. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES?

yes

11. DO YOU THINK YOU’RE A STRONG PERSON?

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

coffee

13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

their personalities

14. RED OR PINK?

both!

15. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE PHYSICAL THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF?

my forhead lmao

16. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING NOW?

black jeans n black/white vans

17. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

pizza n pasta

18. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

OYEAH by olnl (he’s a really nice rapper, check him out!!)

19. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

grey

20. FAVORITE SMELL?

mint

21. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?

my mom

22. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?

basketball

23. HAIR COLOR?

dark brown

24. EYE COLOR?

dark brown

25. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

26. FAVORITE FOOD TO EAT?

noodles, especially noodle soups

27. SCARY MOVIE OR COMEDY?

both!

28. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

the belko experiment (one of the most wild films i have watched)

29. WHAT COLOR OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

tan wih orange stripes

30. SUMMER OR WINTER

winter forever

31. HUGS OR KISSES

hugs!

32.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING?

none but i wanna read the divine comedy, the lathe of heaven, and demian

33. WHO DO YOU MISS RIGHT NOW?

my brother n cousins n parents

34. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

i dont have a mouse pad

35. WHAT IS THE LAST PROGRAM YOU WATCHED?

seventeen’s one fine day

36. WHAT IS THE BEST SOUND?

the rain or waves. they’re honestly so soothing

37. ROLLING STONES OR THE BEATLES?

im more familiar with the beatles, so beatles

38. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE EVER TRAVELED?

hawai’i

39. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

do my ceramic n sculpture skills count or?

40. WHERE WERE YOU BORN

california!

30 questions tag!

tagged by the cuties, @lastnamesuh n @eatnamjin n @princesssjoy n max. thank you so much!

nickname: hmmm...my monbebe pals often call me baeiley...i think someone also has me as baeleaf too lmao. other nicknames beside that are lili, which is what my cousins call me.

gender: female

star sign: aries

height: 5′3

time: 6:20pm

birthday: april 1st

favorite bands: nu’est, b.a.p., got7, seventeen, monsta x, myteen, a.c.e, winner, nct (lmao all of three), block b, btob, day6, theboyz, victon, vixx...n a lot of other groups.

favorite solo artist(s): im such a big khh/krnb fan so brave, saero, crucial star, samuel seo, jeebanoff, dean, dpr, punchnello, bewhy, crush, g.nine, loco, bloo, dumbfoundead, olnl, sik k, n a lot more. others are taek, paul kim, iu, jung jin woo, ra.D, grizzly, moonmoon, sam kim, miso, suran, etc. for american music, its sza, kehlani, sob rbe, childish gambino, made in tyo, amine, isaiah rashad, kendrick lamar, etc.

song stuck in my head: overcome - nu’est & crush - yuna

last movie i watched: hmmmm...men in black. its one of my favorites!

last show i watched: law & order svu

when did i create my blog: i created this blog...like 2014? this blog was originally my personal but i moved it so it can be my primary. i would say i changed into a kmusic blog this year in january!

what do i post: lmao im multifandom so a lot of groups, also some aes n social stuff.

last thing i googled: the word “blithely” for my english class

do u have other blogs: i have my personal which is @medasins n another blog but i aint gonna tell u the other one bc that one is still being edited. i also run monbebe net as an admin with four of my other mutuals.

do u get asks: super rare lmao. i dont mind people sending asks though!

why did u choose this blog name: i wanted a general username n i just love noodles so much jksgfddfhggj

following: tons of talented/adorable mutuals that i love so much! also others that make a lot of beautiful content!

followers: 517

favorite colors: literally the color scheme i have for my blog rn (black, mustard/golden yellow, n this blueish-grey). i also rlly like grey, or any other muted tones.

average hours of sleep: during school...3-7 hours. during the summer/weekends...8-10 hours.

lucky number: i do not have a lucky number but 0?

instruments: i played brass/lower brass instruments (trumpet, cornet, baritone, n french horn) from like 5th-8th grade. right now i play/am learning a bit of ukulele!

what am i wearing: black running shorts n a grey tee

how many blankets i sleep with: one but two for winter

dream job: i dunno...still figuring it out

dream trip: traveling!

favorite food:

favorite food: literally noodles, any noodles. i also love homemade viet n chinese food. O INDIAN N THAI TOO.

nationality: chinese!

favorite song now: ummm...lately i by saero, but also 짜장면 by myteen

#ty to all the pals who tagged me!!! ily!#JKSDHFKSD THIS TOOK ME SO LONG #u dont have to read this lmao so spare urselves kjsdfsd #i still have to do the photo ones djghfdkg im sorry :////#ill try to get them finished this weekend!#tag: game #celestial mutuals

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sadrien · 7 years

Text

wanna chat? pt.19

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19

so this is like...twice as long as a normal chapter. anyway i was in les mis the other week and i sent something and someone thought it was a les mis chapter of wanna chat. and @reyxa encouraged it so Here We Are

this chapter continues right off of the last one because i found a note with sick quotes on it. i kept the les mis as light and understandable as possible but just like..let me know if it makes 0 sense. i had to get this out of my system because ive been in a writing funk

(mari = cough cough, nino = space bro, alya = alys, adrien = glen coco)

enjoy?

3:12 in boo you whore

cough cough: gmoring i cant brethe out of mynose rn Im not goin g ot be in school today :( Bu ti cant sleep anymore because I cnat breath e iim gonna go watch youtube videos

6:37

space bro: my dude i hope youre feeling better when you wake up

6:43

glen coco: If you’re not turn on the shower really hot and sit in the bathroom with the steam

alys: or drown urself in cold medicine

glen coco: Don’t do that

space bro: never listen to alya

alys: dont listen to these traitors

PM between glen coco and cough cough

glen coco: I bet the akuma attack last night really didn’t help Don’t worry about anything today I can handle it unless it’s another akuma Just get some rest <3

10:03 in boo you whore

cough cough: Self care is chugging five cups of tea and astral projecting behind a mcdonalds to punch hawkmoth in the face

11:46

glen coco: Mari no

alys: mari yes

space bro: mari wtf

cough cough: Im dyin g

alys: tag urself im punching hm in the face

space bro: im astral projection

glen coco: Five c ups of tea

cough cough: Does that make me the mcdonalds

space bro: congrats mari

glen coco: I can’t believe Mari is the golden arches

alys has changed their name to punching hawkmoth in the face

punching hawkmoth in the face: im finally my True Self gang follwo suit

cough cough: Why shoul d I LISten to you

punching hawkmoth in the face: bc u love me and want me 2 b happy and also bc i still have ur jacket in my bedroom

cough cough: Fuck

cough cough has changed their name to mcdonalds

space bros: al youre ridic

punching hawkmoth in the face: just do it babe

space bros has changed their name to astral projection

astral projection: there ya go

glen coco: Rip Glen Coco

punching hawkmoth in the face: truly a her o of his generation :’(

mcdonalds: RIp

glen coco has changed their name to five cups of tea

five cups of tea: Rebirth

mcdonalds: I hate you all img oing ot bed

punching hawkmoth in the face: goodnight my darlign <3

astral projection: nap well bro hopefully you feel better when you wake up

15:37

punching hawkmoth in the face: remind me to throw my bag in the seine i dont wanna do hw :(

astral projection: i feel you

punching hawkmoth in the face: wanna get togheter and do hw

astral projection: do homework or “do homework”

punching hawkmoth in the face: have u ever met me “””””””do homework”””””””

astral projection: i need to figure out physics my dude

punching hawkmoth in the face: D’:

five cups of tea: I can help you when I get home tonight

punching hawkmoth in the face: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

astral projection: the real mvp i love you

five cups of tea: I love you too Have fun Use protection

astral projection: alya please kick him out of the chat

punching hawkmoth in the face: no i like him

astral projection: fuck

18:57 mcdonalds: Screens hurt my head irhgt now Im gonna watch reruns and keep sleepng

punching hawkmoth in the face: feel better babe <3

22:15

five cups of tea: Ok so the other day instead of doing homework I started reading les mis ANd now instead of doing homework I’m reading les mis again I can’t believe this is how I’m procrastinating

astral projection: what

punching hawkmoth in the face: the musical????

five cups of tea: No the book Which the musical is based off of

astral projection: what a nerd

punching hawkmoth in the face: lmao how is it

five cups of tea: Old Long

punching hawkmoth in the face: how long?

five cups of tea: Uhhh 655,000 words

mcdonalds: jesus

astral projection: what the actual fuck

punching hawkmoth in the face: holllllly fuck

astral projection: you my dude are unreal

punching hawkmoth in the face: for fun???? r u sure this is for fun???????

five cups of tea: I think so? It’s kind of boring sometimes and hard to get through but other parts are really good Also if I’m reading I don’t have to practice chinese

punching hawkmoth in the face: touche

astral projection: have fun reading bro you are unbelievable

PM between five cups of tea and mcdonalds

five cups of tea: Hey why are you up? I thought you were heading off to bed a while ago?

mcdonalds: I didnt take nyquil tonight because I felt a little better and didnt want to pass the fuck out again but now Im awake and cant sleep because my head feels like its gonna explode And I regret So much

five cups of tea: Aw no poor bug

mcdonalds: Ugh

five cups of tea: Do you want anything?

mcdonalds: You dont have to

five cups of tea: Do you want anything? If you want soup I can get you some

mcdonalds: Its like???? Really late?????

five cups of tea: Mar its only 20:30

mcdonalds: Oh It feels like 1 But its still late

five cups of tea: Ok well Late night food is not a new thing Trust me

mcdonalds: … If you brought me soup Id love you forever

five cups of tea: I thought you already did

mcdonalds: Id love you even more

five cups of tea: I’ll be on my way soon

mcdonalds: I love you so much <3

23:35 in boo you whore

punching hawkmoth in the face: what if you took tea in shots like shot glasses

five cups of tea: Like with hot tea?

astral projection: i feel like thats a good way to burn your entire mouth

five cups of tea: *entire life

astral projection: ^^^

punching hawkmoth in the face: hmmm

five cups of tea: Alya no

astral projection: yeah bad idea

punching hawkmoth in the face: f i n e

1:02

mcdonalds: sos Im dying I constantly feel like Im about to sneeze If I dont feel that way its cause Im sneezing

astral projection: rip my dude guessing you cnat sleep while sneezing

mcdonalds: Nope :’( End my suffering please

astral projection: no can do i can offer virtual hugs

mcdonalds: I guess thatll work for now

astral projection: <3

2:03

PM between five cups of tea and mcdonalds

five cups of tea: Hey Hey Marinette Hey I have something to show you

mcdonalds: Adrien its 2 in the morning

five cups of tea: So? You’re up too

mcdonalds: I slept all day

mcdonalds: Yeah but you’re awake right now

mcdonalds: … Fine Hit me

five cups of tea: “When they had finished, when they had told each other everything, she laid her head on his shoulder and asked him: ‘What is your name?’” Us

mcdonalds: Oh my go d This is les mis right??? What youw ere talking about before??

five cups of tea: Yup

mcdonalds: Omg Why are you like this

five cups of tea: Ok but am I wrong????

mcdonalds: I cant say you are tbh

five cups of tea: Man I feel like Marius am I like Marius??

mcdonalds: Whats he like?

five cups of tea: Kind of oblivious, pretty romantic but sort of in a weird way, awkward, usually confused but can be scary if he needs to, handsome as hell and love of my life that I would honestly leave all three of you for

mcdonalds: Wow Are you sure you havent already

five cups of tea: :P Actually….

mcdonalds: Are you suddenly realizing youve left us for a fictional character

five cups of tea: No I was oging to say I might be more like Bossuet

mcdonalds: Youre just saying words I dont know who that is

five cups of tea: He always has bad luck Like always Ummmm hold on

mcdonalds: K Who would I be???

five cups of tea: “He was the constant victim of mischance, hence his merriment. He said, ‘I spend my life walking under ladders.’”

mcdonalds: Ok you mgiht be this Bossuet you bad luck magnet

five cups of tea: For you Hmmmm Enjolras?

mcdonalds: Not cosette?? Shes the love interest right

five cups of tea: As much as I love you Enjolras is the leader in red And I just can’t help myself

mcdonalds: Nerd Are you goind to do alya and nino too?

five cups of tea: D u h

2:34

mcdonalds: Adrien?? You ok? Youve been quiet for a while Or did you fall asleep on your computer again

five cups of tea: No I’m here I’m just Stuck This is haarrrrrdddddddddd Alya and Nino are just so deep and complex and awesome and I dont’ know how to place them???

mcdonalds: True But wow Slightly offended

five cups of tea: Hey yours is based on a pun I can pun easy

mcdonalds: G o to sleep kitten You can sort them in the mornign Later this morning

five cups of tea: Fine I hope you’re feeling better

mcdonalds: A little bit!! The soup definitely helped Night <3

five cups of tea: Night <3

10:25 in boo you whore

astral projection: saturdays are chill but my mom wants us to clean the entire apartment today and im not about that life

12:12

mcdonalds has changed their name to enjolras

enjolras: I have no idea who thi s is but I hope it makes Adrien happy

punching hawkmoth in the face: ???? wahts ahppenign

enjolras: Adrien said I was this charactera t like 2

astral projection: why the fuck do none of you people value sleep

punching hawkmoth in the face: how theh ell did that even come up in conversation

enjolras: He was saying he thinks hes like Marius

astral projection: huh

five cups of tea: I’m not sure yet

astral projection: bro!!!

five cups of tea: I'm thinking either Marius or bossuet for myself

punching hawkmoth in the face: r we supposed 2 know the second one

enjolras: Hes got bad luck Thats what I got from our convo when no one else was awake

punching hawkmoth in the face: change ur name i want u2b the hopeless romantic

astral projection: isnt he already??

punching hawkmoth in the face: lmao

five cups of tea has changed their name to marius

punching hawkmoth in the face: awesome were u gonna do nino and i??

marius: Yeah I’m just having some trouble

astral projection: yeah were just too unique to be put into little boxes

marius: Exactly

astral projection: that was sarcasm but i love you so much

marius: <3

punching hawkmoth in the face: hey question not that im doubting maris badassary but why enjolras

marius: Enjolras is incredibly passionate and would do anything for his friends and the people of Paris Reminds me of how Marinette is as class president

PM between marius and enjolras

enjolras: Nice save

marius: Thanks

in boo you whore

astral projection: I see it

marius: Alya could be eponine?

punching hawkmoth in the face: shes the one who cries about marius right

marius: Well I was actually thinking her cause Ponine she knows her way around And all that stuff But yes she cries about Marius she does have a song about that

PM between punching hawkmoth in the face and astral projection

punching hawkmoth in the face: lmao did he just give me the character hopelessly in love with marius

astral projection: rip

punching hawkmoth in the face: end my life

in boo you whore

punching hawkmoth in the face: i cna work with that

punching hawkmoth in the face has changed their nickname to eponine

astral projection: and then tehre was one

marius: I’m struggling

enjolras: Arent we all

eponine: Id help but I know literally nothing other than some of the lyrics RED THE BLOOD OF BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD

astral projection: theres no way that isnt right im 100% sure those are the actual words

eponine: BLACK THE BLOOD OF BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD

enjolras: Period mood

eponine: general mood

enjolras: Ok same

eponine: mood: red and black but the only words are blood

enjolras renamed this conversation to “red the blood of blood blood blood”

eponine: yes exactly

astral projection: sometimes i wonder why im friends with you

eponine: because u love us and would be sad without us

astral projection: ok yes but also why

marius: I mean maybe Grantaire? He’s a jack of all trades? Nino you are…really hard to place But R might be the best bet

enjolras: Wait a minute R?

marius: Yes

enjolras: Get out of this chat

marius: </3

astral projection: that is amazing

astral projection has changed their nickname to grantaire

grantaire: in it for the puns

marius: So is Hugo

enjolras: Who

marius: The writer of les mis

eponine: tag yourself im les miserables all of them

grantaire: you cant be all the miserables

eponine: watch me try

marius: Sorry you must have no idea what’s going on

grantaire: not really we have nothing to contribute but keep going dude!!! i love to hear you ramble

eponine: oh oh i have something to contribute

enjolras: You do?

eponine: 24601? more like 246 so done with your shit

enjolras: Im leaving the country

grantaire: whos shit?

eponine: uh oh fuck whos the antagonist again

marius: Society

grantaire: deep

enjolras: Stop being fake deep

eponine: feep anyway no u butt the police dude

marius: The only evil in les mis IS society And the Thenardiers OH JAVERT

eponine: YES THANK YOU

marius: Javert: do not forget my name Alya: forgets his name

eponine: fuck you also 246 so done with your shit javert

grantaire: thank you for clarifying

eponine: no prob

enjolras: Ok so Im googling stuff to try and figure out whats happening And wow This is depressing ¾ of us die

marius has changed their nickname to bossuet

bossuet: Now all of us die

eponine: nope change back 2 lover boy ur not dying too

grantaire: um no one is dying my dudes

bossuet: We’re always dying But fine

bossuet has changed their nickname to marius

enjolras: Im pretty sure Im dying righ tnow I almost coughed up a lung

eponine: GO TAKE MEDICIN E

enjolras: You arent my mom!!!!!!!!!

eponine: THAT DOESNT MEAN I DONT CCARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR HEALTH!!!!!!!!!

enjolras: AHHHHH

eponine: AHHHHHH

grantaire: Ahhhhh?

marius: Ahhhhh

#wanna chat #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #my fics #hi this is awful

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pixelbatsy · 7 years

Text

92 things!

yiKes im so late to this but i was tagged by @craighsiao, @kittenmusicals, @pbophelia, @zigisbisexual, and @mermaidwarriorqueen yall are so crazy i love yall thank u w all of my heart :’)))

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: my mom 3. Text message: "dont watch princess bride” w a pic of it buffering from my friend lmao 4. Song you listened to: fetish by selena gomez my newest bop 5. Time you cried: an hour ago bc of my shit eyebrows that got Ruined!

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: lol

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: lol no

8. Been cheated on: LOL 9. Lost someone special: yes 10. Been depressed: hooyeah 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: not yet djfakld

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. millennial pink lol 13. periwinkle 14. maroon

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: hooooo boy yeAH irl and on tumblr!! 16. Fallen out of love: specifically w thomas hunt sry bb 17. Laughed until you cried: me 24/7 18. Found out someone was talking about you: hajdhf yeah but she cried and apologized so we’re cool now 19. Met someone who changed you: omg yes so much 20. Found out who your friends are: yesyeysyes i luv them 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: who still uses fb

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: none?? 23. Do you have any pets: an inside cat, 3 strays outside that we just feed and they just chill out here, and also some fish that are like 6 years old 24. Do you want to change your name: i wanna switch my first and middle name

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i went on vacation in florida and new orleans with my best friends hfjakdhf 26. What time did you wake up: 12:30 my sleeping schedule is fucked 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching makeup vids lol 28. Name something you can’t wait for: TRR CHAPTER 15!!!!! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 30 mins ago idk 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my ability to talk to people bc my anxiety!! ahhaha!!!! 31. What are you listening to right now: FETISH BY SELENA GOMEZ A BOP!! 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no?? 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my fukxign eyebrows that the lady messed up ughggjkhsd 34. Most visited Website: is this even a question lmao tumblr and youtube 35. Mole/s: ugh i have one on my stomach and it bothers the shit out of me but i have more in other places im just too lazy to look 36. Mark/s: do cat scratch scars count bc i got a lot of those 37. Childhood dream: my mom told me my 1st grade teacher asked what i wanted to be and i remembered the episode of curious george that i watched before leaving the house and said an ice cream girl in the park but either that or become ariel 38. Hair color: rly dark brown but in the sun it turns rly light like into like honey brown idek 39. Long or short hair: ive had both but long hair is such a chore so short bc i have like medium rn 40. Do you have a crush on someone: who needs that when ur already married to henry cavill but chris powell, drake, the prince, maxwell, dick grayson, jason todd... 41. What do you like about yourself: i DID like my eyebrows smh its ok theyll grow back 42. Piercings: lol i didnt even get my ears pierced so none 43. Blood type: who are u identity theft fuk off m8 44. Nickname: CATLYN, kk, kalina bc me and my friend have a 824 snap streak and its our #goals ship name 45. Relationship status: single married to henry cavill i even had to organize my own wedding for a project in floral design sophomore year 46. Zodiac: cancer im a crybaby ik 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show/s: pretty little liars, grimm, young justice, the big bang theory, two broke girls, sherlock, and family feud lmao 49. Tattoos: i want somethin smol but not yet 50. Right or left hand: i was gonna be a lefty but my daycare person literally treated me like shit and made me use my right hand so now im a righty and she got her ass fired :)) not like i remember anything tho lmao

51. Surgery: ortho surgery bc my mouth was too small and my teeth were so fucked up but braces gave me a glo up lol 52. Hair dyed in different color: omg no but i have these rly cool brown streaks on the side of my head and its also underneath my hair but its rly pretty ppl always ask me about it bc its like genetic idk its cool 53. Sport: i fucking live for watching football om Fg

55. Vacation: im guessing this is where ive been?? so uh hawaii, florida, mississippi, louisiana (and bish i been to shreveport, louisiana home of my boi jake mckenzie dshfjs), texas aka my home, las vegas, california, cozumel, jamaica, belize, and soon the bahamas!! 56. Pair of trainers: oh my god i have like 30+ pairs of shoes i love shoes!!

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: nothing rn i ate steak for dinner tho 58. Drinking: water! 59. I’m about to: start watching a youtube video 61. Waiting for: my bday party w my friends on wednesday (lowkey those choices chapters too i wish my bb chris powell could wish me happy bday :’)) 62. Want: a BIG FAT bank account 63. Get married: to a nice rich husband yuh finished the sentence

64. Career: im a senior in hs and i got accepted into my pharm tech class aaaah were gonna get to go to hospitals and and wear scrubs and shit im so excited i wanna be a pharmacist or like somewhere in the med field bc they make BANK and also they help ppl :’)) 65. Hugs or kisses: from my future bb kisses 66. Lips or eyes: eyes yus 67. Shorter or taller: im 5′5 so im smol and theyre tol 68. Older or younger: mmm i prefer older but only like a year younger if theyre worth it dhfgsk 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: this is so hard but arms bc abs arent a requirement but arms,,,, yes 71. Sensitive or loud: how am i both sensitive and loud (tru) 72. Hook up or relationship: lol relationship i want it all 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant but troublemaker when im feelin big mood

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: uh kinda 75. Drank hard liquor: not yET LMAOOO 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope 77. Turned someone down: jkasjdf lowkey yeah 78. Sex in the first date: no omfg sfdhgj 79. Broken someone’s heart: wym 24/7 lmao jk no 80. Had your heart broken: by many fanfics lord lol 81. Been arrested: nonoono 82. Cried when someone died: im making animals count so yes 83. Fallen for a friend: almost but skrtskrr were still friends

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: if i try really hard YUH 85. Miracles: 11:11 twice a day for extra good luck yuh 86. Love at first sight: lol no 87. Santa Claus: yeah until i was like 14 88. Kiss on the first date: YUH WHY NOT if theyre not shit 89. Angels: meh not really

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: omg irl alina and caroline my bbs and online @evisms i rly love u,, so much 91. Eyecolor: brown 92. Favorite movie: the man from uncle that ive seen 7 times!!, wonder woman!!, ex machina, hidden figures, coraline, and moana

im not gonna tag anyone bc prolly the entire choices population has done this but hit it up if u wanna!!

#this took me so long bc i rly thought about what i was gonna say lmao #thank u to every1 who tagged me!!#tagged #me as hell

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theechoofadistanttide-blog · 7 years

Text

Feeling like I’m having a nervous breakdown

Hey guys so ok this is gonna be a very long post ‘cause I’m having a nervous breakdown and I dont think I can keep going like this.

From where do I start?

I’m listening to “Fuck you” so probably I should start by speaking about Federico. Federico was my ex boyfriend and we were together for about 4 months (you may think it’s not so much time but for me it is). So you know how we broke up? No? Well, me neither. I was just getting very annoyed by his attitude and he gradually stopped asking me to hang out. So one day I called him and he didnt answer. After that day we didnt see each other anymore. That sucks right? No it doesn’t because I am a fucking strange person that can’t prove normal feelings.

I just let it go. That’s the end. And when I see him around the city with his friends, I’m only able to complain about them being all FUCKBOYS!

I FUCKING HATE FUCKBOYS

You wanna know where my hate comes from? All the guys I meet in this fucking city (which is making me wanna throw up so bad) anyway, all the guys just wanna fuck me and I’m fucking fed up! I deserve love and emotions and all those beautiful stuff that you get when someone CARES. I feel like no one cares, so why should I?

I went on a therapy till december, then I had to stop taking ZOLOFT ‘cause it was giving me more anxiety. So I started another therapy. On my own. I started building self-confidence. And now I seriously believe that I’m worthy and that I am unique and that no one can put me down. I SERIOUSLY believe that I’m an amazing creature with all the right stuff in the right place. So where’s the point?

The point is that I’m fed up of being forced to separate sex from emotional commitment: SEX IS EMOTIONAL COMMITMENT, YOU STUPID HYPOCRITES, IF YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON IS LIKE YOU’RE MASTURBATING WITH A DOLL YA KNOW.

But that’s not the end of my relationships’story: ever since I lost virginity I only ended up with guys who wanted to have sex without using fucking condoms. That’s thei point of view: OK YOU KNOW GIRL YOU’RE AMAZING BUT I CANT TAKE ON COMMITMENT CAUSE I’VE LOVED TOO MUCH IN MY LIFE SO JUST LET’S HAVING SEX! AH BUT SWEETIE I DONT USE CONDOMS: I CANT FEEL YOUR VAGINA, YA KNOW. BUT DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT: I CAN CONTROL MYSELF!

YOU KNOW WHAT? NO YOU CAN’T CONTROL YOURSELF! NOBODY CAN! Your fucking penis produces seminal stuff even BEFORE and DURING sex!

What about getting sick??????????? Syphilides? HIV??? FUCK YOU ALL!

This year I had to take 3 (THREE) day-after-pills... Which is like killing your uterus.... I was stupid but what else could I do? Ya... maybe being more conscious and force them to use condoms... But you know, when you fucking hate yourself you don’t care much about future and consequences... You’re just not able to think critically. You do the bad things, you choose bad.

All I thought about ever since a while was being high...

So now we get to another big point of this overwhelming situation: PARENTS... Ya it seems like I got the perfect family: mum’s lawyer, dad’s a doctor... What could be wrong with ita? Just another bored girl complaining about not getting enough attention. NO

I mean, I’m aware of the fact that my life is not SERIOUSLY bad, but anyways: my parents are divorced, my dad is still a fuckboy. He got used to living alone so he does whatever he wanna do, he goes wherever and whenever, without caring about two daughters’ real problems. What if my mum wants to leave for a weekend and leave my little sister with him? She couldnt because “HE’S GOT PROGRAMS”. FUCK I GOT A PROGRAM TOO: I WANNA GETAWAY FROM HERE RIGHT NOW!

Anyway there we get to the other big problem: MY MUM... She’s been developping anorexia’s mentality since a couple ago, she doesn’t eat (like 1 coffee and half of a zucchini during all day, when she gets really depressed)... Oh, depression... Ya, a single mum with two problematic daughters, a private career (which is falling into pieces) and other shitty problems CAN GET DEPRESSION. It’s easy, though... But the bigger matter is that she denies it and she gets worse everyday ‘cause her situation gets worse (my grandma is sick, one of my mum’s best friends got cancer and she cant sleep because of worrying too much)... And when I told my father, he said I was wrong after she immediately denied.

Ah, my little sister gets mad with me when I tell my mother to eat. She’s like: “stop telling her what to do she’s an adult, she can take care of herself”

FUCK NO SHE CANT STOP SAYING THAT! SHE’D DIE IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS! SHE SUFFERS OF HEART RATING PROBLEMS! IF SHE DOESNT EAT AND KEEP GOING THIS HARD ON THINGS SHE WILL DIE! FUCK YOU STUPID TEENAGE GIRL

So I’m under pressure. I’M UNDER PRESSURE OK! MY MOM IS NOT ABLE TO GROW MY SISTER UP LIKE SHE DID WITH ME! SHE DOESN’T GET ANY RULE! I DON’T GET ANY RULE! Ok I’m 18 so I can understand when it’s time to stop a little back but SHE CAN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHEN IT’S TIME TO TIDY UP HER BEDROOM! She never does it cause nobody tells her! Nobody ever told her! And that’s a stupid example.

Ok, so I’m 18 right? And I got no rules ok? Yeah... cool... I can avoid sleeping, eating and going back home and living properly... I got sick for a week this summer and had to stop smoking.. But then I got better and kept smoking and drinking. Yeah maybe it’s not because I got no rules but because I like it and because it’s the only way to have fun and enjoy your time out in this fucking deserted city full of fucking bastards.

Maybe smoking and drinking arent an issue apparently. But what about taking care? That’s the issue. Here nobody teaches you how to take care of yourself.

So I feel like falling down... And it’s a fucking fast fall. And I get fucking blamed for this.

“You don’t help enough. You’re never happy. Everything someone does for you is shit. You always blame others for your faults. Don’t you think that maybe I’m so tired and depressed because of you, do you? You make me worry so much.”

That’s what my mom keeps repeating. And I keep feeling terribly guilty. For what? For being an adolescent and for having my mother tired to death... I’ve always paid attention to other’s feelings and conditions... I can’t help with this.

I CAN’T HELP WITH THIS OK. STOP. SAYING. THAT I AM. A. FUCKING. MESS. ! Cause you know what, mother? I’M NOT! I’M SUPER COOL AND I NEVER DISAPPOINTED YOU! I WAS PERFECT AT SCHOOL, I GOT THE BEST GRADES IN MY CLASS AND EVERY FUCKING TEACHER COMPLIMENTED! WHAT DO YOU WANT? I’M ONLY 18 AND I’VE ALREADY WRITTEN A COUPLE OF BOOKS! I GOT PLANS FOR MY FUTURE!

SO WHAT? I’M DEPRESSED? I SMOKE? I DRINK? I AM NOT EMOTIONALLY BALANCED? I AM NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR THAT. NEVER.

IT’S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT! I DIDN’T CHOOSE TO BE CONSTANTLY SAD AND TIRED! ! IT’S NOT MY FAULT....

(My mother doesn’t eat at all when I don’t want to eat... I can’t help with this... Sometimes I just cant think about eating...)

AND FUCK YOU NEVER APPRECIATE MY GOOD MOMENTS AND PERIODS! Like when I’m on top, when I feel like I can do everything.... You never get that.... FUCK YOU!

So being in this fragile situation gives me a lot of stress and anxiety... Luckily I finished school so now I can focus on things I like (and even there, when I wanna do things that I like, there are always problems)..

FUCK THIS CITY FUCK PEOPLE WHO LIVE HERE FUCK MONEY PROBLEMS FUCK FAMILY FUCK MUM FUCK EVERYBODY I WANNA SET YOU ALL AND MY FUCKING LIFE ON FIRE

So you’re reading a lot of anger in my words.. Your’re right, but anger is the only true feeling for me... Sometime I imagine really bad things (like tonight I started thinking about me being raped by my ex’s friends... with my ex being there knowing everything) just to check whether I’m still able to feel sorrow or not.

I often imagined my parents dying... Just for curiosity.. So I think about my feelings: how would I feel? How much would I cry? Would I cry??? What about my sister??

And sometimes I can’t answer, like if there was absolutely nothing in my soul...Just darkness and perdition.

I know it sounds so stupid and pathetic but that’s how I currently truly feel.

Lost.

I used to be really sensitive and cry for everything but then I stopped. Now I am just disgusted. DISGUSTED.. By humanity, first of all.

Lost and disgusted: is there any remedy?

Maybe being high and drunk all tha way.

I fucking hate this place and wanna go away.. Still have to wait for october for university... but actually I just wanna getaway.

The most important thing for me is living a pleasant life and never regret anything.... This city and this situation and the people surrounding me are making me regret a lot. They are making me live with anxiety etc..

SPLEEN. ok? Maybe spleen is my problem.... That’s all.

Fuck. Thank you guys for reading

I just want to let you know that if you read all this you’re my super-heroes.

Thanks, seriously

theechoofadistanttide

#sad #depressing thoughts #life #problems #bad #evile #smoke #weed #alcochol #zoloft #therapy #discussions #vintage #talk #anger #pink #i'm sorry #green

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cuddlingsun · 7 years

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hello @ciaoloueh (or her phansona, danielbear) has tagged me to do this thingy and it’s long bUT THATS FINE BECAUSE I FIXED IT SO NOW I CAN MENTION PEOPLE AND DO A READ MORE AND LIFE IS BEAUTIFU

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST… 1. Drink: water! I tried to drink some after waking up (and another sip just now) because who knows if I drink enough it might be a step to being healthier

2. Phone call: my mom, who called to ask what kind of math my brother has

3. Text message: cbs™ got a very excited text about how i can mention people now, it’s truly revolutionary

4. Song you listened to: green light by lorde i think

5. Time you cried: i remember crying in my dream last night but can’t remember the actual time sorry

HAVE YOU EVER… 6. Dated someone twice: nope

7. Been cheated on: nope

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: well I think so, but like it wasn’t officially diagnosed and all, do feel tons better rn even if it isn’t all that amazing yet

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

12. dark red

13. dark blue

14. the purple/olive green/brown aesthetic that hana gave me lmao

I JUST LOVE A LOT OF THINGS OKAY FIGHT ME

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15. Made new friends: yes! though the real life ones aren’t proper friends but the online ones are I guess :D

16. Fallen out of love: sort of??? maybe it was before this past year so idk let’s say no so I feel better about it

17. Laughed until you cried: i’d sure hope so

18. Found out someone was talking about you: ha yes but not that i care too much about it, trying to not have any contact with those people anyway

19. Met someone who changed you: not sure, don’t think so

20. Found out who your true friends are: sort of? i kind of decided to not try too hard for people that don’t try for me? like there’s a difference between being scared to start conversations and just generally not caring abt me as a person u know

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i’m going to count it hold up -- 44 out of the 51

23. Do you have any pets: sadly no

24. Do you want to change your name: sort of did but not anymore? i like to use bus because it’s easy and a nickname but i can live with my name i guess (though maybe change the official spelling lmao)

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i had some friends over and had a chilled out get together (and my mom had cooked dinner) which was nice I guess (also two of my friends got me a book which nearly made me cry but all right)

26. What time did you wake up: around nine I think? woke up around 6.25 then around 8.06 and then somewhere before 9.30 (i’m being specific if u care to read this far you won’t mind anyway)

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying to sleep by daydreaming

28. Name something you cannot wait for: I cannot wait for a bunch of things but myself aside i can’t wait for one direction to come back?? which sounds selfish i mean i love their solo careers but boys i miss u

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: last night when she had made some tea but it was too sour for me and then i went to bed (i just went downstairs and saw her again, if that makes u happier)

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: we can’t get into this now fully, but i feel like having tons of money could make a big change to my current situation

31. What are you listening to right now: nothing tbh (also changed to green light when i came back, i was halfway through)

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: lmao yes he helped teach maths at uni which was cool i guess

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: me but also in general the state of the world, but also me a lot

34. Most visited website: tumblr probably lmao

35. Elementary: was cool I guess, i had a real good year and then it was shitty again but overall could have been worse

36. High School: wasn’t the best, could’ve been worse. i don’t really feel any type of Big Feelings towards any of these

37. College/university: sadly didn’t finish the one thing, so next year i’m starting law? (wish me luck tbh) and afterwards i want to genuinely study physics/chemistry at some point again but who knows if it will happen and when 38. Hair colour: brown

39. Long or short hair: short, but it’s been growing quite a lot

40. Do you have a crush on someone: not that i know of and boy is it good i love it finally time to focus on MYSELF am i rite ladies

41. What do you like about yourself: my mind mostly, physically i don’t LIKE anything but i’m not in full hatred either so there’s that

42. Piercings: i had my ears pierced but i don’t wear jewelry so

43. Blood type: i believe O but i’m not sure and don’t know the positive/negative thingy

44. Nickname: lmao hana literally referred to me as bus here so that, don’t really have any others?? bush but i don’t really like that one so

45. Relationship status: single and v v v v happy with that

46. Zodiac sign: libra

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favourite TV show: brooklyn nine-nine, merlin, elementary (and well doctor who, victoria and dirk gently too) (also liked selfie?? and atlantis, galavant, agent carter)

49. Tattoos: none 50. Right or left hand: right (though i want to learn writing with both hands tbh)

FIRST… 51. Surgery: i think they did something with my ears when i was really really young so I don’t even remember it (and i’m scared of surgery so let’s keep it this way)

52. Piercing: the one but also none u feel

54. Sport: i did ballet which i loved but then i had to stop or go on with people who were like two or three years older than me and were way better so i quit

55. Vacation: i mean i went to turkey every year even as a tiny baby i think so that probably?

56. Pair of trainers: i was a tiny child, how should i remember this

57. Eating: ah okay not first so um had a tiny bit of chocolate but still deciding on breakfast

58. Drinking: the water is still there, i’ll take a sip now

59. I’m about to: figure out what to read whilst i hide from the cleaning lady for three hours (and probably eat something first)

60. Listening to: currently it’s royals also by lorde

61. Waiting for: a simple thing rn because we’re not that deep yet: a burst of motivation to go shopping tonight with my sister and her friend

62. Want: general Big Life Things, but also just books??? i fucking love books NO FUCK I WANT TIME LOTS OF TIME SO I CAN DO EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO

63. Get married: not planning to but who knows life is weird

64. Career: okay look the most ideal one would be a scientist and an author but we all know studying law won’t get me there so we’re still figuring it out, but scientist and author??? especially scientist??? id die for that man

YOUR TYPE… 65. Hugs or kisses: currently feeling a good hugs (woah, we would never have guessed tumblr user cuddlingsun)

66. Lips or eyes: eyes i guess??

67. Shorter or taller: taller??? look I don’t Know these things

68. Older or younger: probably older??? but also like younger is fine??? idk

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I DON’T KNOW EITHER HANA whichever one that person wants??? like i’m not very specific on these things

71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive I guess but like hana said, you could be both

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship lmao what would i get out of a hookup except for years of pining

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, but also a teeny bit mischievous otherwise i’d get bored --------- keeping hana’s answer here

HAVE YOU EVER… 74. Kissed a stranger?: nope

75. Drank hard liquor?: nope

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: i lost a lens once when i slept with them in accidently, but later found it on my pillow (i think) which was quite odd

77. Turned someone down: HA if we’re HONEST yes but like,,, i was twelve,,, he was weird,,, let’s forget it ever happened

78. Sex on first date: um no -- hana catching my feelings perfectly

79. Broken someone’s heart: well that would be a maybe but i hope not lmao

80. Had your heart broken: L M A O yes way too easily

81. Been arrested: nope

82. Cried when someone died: yes, though it usually takes other people crying for me to Get There

83. Fallen for a friend: yes? no? idk what came first but honestly i’d like to have it be a friend rather than a stranger lmao

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84. Yourself: in all honesty no, but i’m trying to

85. Miracles: yes, in a way

86. Love at first sight: sort of?? like not love exactly but a feeling that turns into actual love yeah that’s possible i guess

87. Santa Claus: nope, but i dont remember if i ever believed in him to begin with so i should ask me mum probably

88. Kiss on the first date: idk???

89. Angels: yeah i mean yeah with the religion thing and stuff i guess that’s a yes

OTHER… 90. Current best friend’s name: honestly idk like i have many best friends and i don’t really have a solid best friend anymore but that’s fine because i lov so many people anyway

91. Eye colour: also brown

92. Favourite movie: don’t??? but all righty some time ago i’d have said spongebob the movie so that, hidden figures, prisoner of azkaban, dead poets society, brave (also pride and prejudice & austenland probably)

i tag @bothhappy--andsad because she usually wants to do these kinds of tags and if they want to: @ryanperch @floralaesthetlc @klainederful cus u guys are super cool and i wanna know if you care to do it (and anyone else that wants to do it can say i tagged them cus i wanna READ)

#me #tags #ily han thanks for tagging me good way to spend my time #about me #idk how to tag this #bcb

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peanott · 7 years

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92 Questions

@useless--mind thanks for tagging me bud!! i love doing these even if no one gives a shit

Last:

1. Drink: milk

2. Phone call: with my grandpa

3. Text message: “👀👀👀“

4. Song you listened to: ultra bra - kaunis ja ylpee

5. Time I cried: cant remember the last time i properly cried (its not even a rare occurrence just doesnt pop into my mind wtf) but my eyes got wet like two hours ago bc my sister sent me silly pics with her baby and was just extraordinarily sweet love her :(

Have You:

6. Dated someone twice: no

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. Been cheated on: nah

9. Lost someone special: yeah

10. Been depressed: yes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: unfortunately................

List Three Favorite Colors:

12. violet

13. baby blue

14. orange mayb

In The Last Year Have You:

15. Made new friends: ive got closer with a few people so kinda?

16. Fallen out of love: wtf is this love ya keep talkin bout

17. Laughed until you cried: yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you: hahaha yeah

19. Met someone who changed you: nah

20. Found out who your friends are: in a way? ive not been thinking about this profoundly at all but the way ive perceived some people has strengthened for better and worse which led into new relationship dynamics

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: not on the lips

General:

22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: vast majority

23. Do you want to change your name: noo im used to it but at the same time it sometimes hits me that its ACTUALLY my name (its not even anything special i just have confusing thoughts) so it does keep me on my toes and wont get bored of it

24. What did you do for your last birthday: I CANT REMEMBER lmao ok i dont think we celebrated it on my actual birthday at all bc it wasnt practical that way but i had my sisters over the day before

25. What time did you wake up: 7am cause i hate myseldf

26. What were you doing last night at midnight: drinking water at my friends so id sober up bc im a fucking idiot pls slap me thrice dont hate me

27. Name something you can’t wait for: get used to the new school i go to in two days (yea i havent even started yet but i can feel the bricks im shitting for the next month or so)

28. When was the last time you saw your mom: an hour ago?

29. What is the one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wanna be able to enjoy living my life properly and take more risks without worrying all the time

30. What are you listening to right now: partners in crime part three by the internet

31. Have you talked to a person named Tom: no?

32. Most visited website(s): twitter tumblr youtube how generic

Lost Questions:

33. Mole(s): i have three moles (on my temple, under eye, above eyebrow) that form a triangle i was so ecstatic when i discovered this like two years ago

34. Marks: what kind of?? i mean i have stretch marks one from vaccination but thats it i think

35. Childhood dream: either a fashion designer or a housewife lmao

36. Hair color: mYsTiC vIoLeT according to the hair dye idk its hard to describe a dark mix of brown n purple (and red?)

37. Do you have a crush on someone: no

38. What do you like about yourself: that im quite tolerant and considerate of others, how self-aware i am cause thats the only thing that will keep me sane, i can be funny and not take things that seriously but still have extensive opinions and thoughts on everything

39. Piercings: both ears x2

40. Blood type: a(+ i think)

41. Nicknames: vertsi or however you wanna twist it its fine i love it

42. Relationship Status: singley

43. Zodiac Sign: taurus

44. Pronouns: she/her

45. Favorite TV shows: oitnb, lie to me, htgawm, skins, drag race, the get down, black mirror

46. Tattoos: none

47. Right or Left hand: right

48. Surgery: none

49. Hair Dyed A Different Color: ye different variations of brown and purple

50. Vacation: last one was to budapest about three years ago

51. Pair Of Trainers: i stole a pair from my mum idk theyre black and pink or some shit

More Generals:

52. Eating: last time? a croissant

53. Drinking: nothing rn

54. I’m about to: finish this and then go to sleep

55. Waiting for: a pleasant surprise

56. Want: a proper social life

57. Get married: idk i loved my sisters wedding but i wouldnt consider marriage a necessity from a romantic point of view. if i ever get married its probably for the legal stuff and the ceremony will be low-budget and simple

58. Career: probably gonna do something with psychology or languages

Which Is Better:

59. Hugs or Kisses: hugs ?whats a kiss?

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Short or tall: idc!!! ok im kind of intimidated by tall people i feel like they could crush me in a heartbeat but maybe that adds into my excitement

62. Older or younger: older for now at least

63. Nice arms or nice stomach: great the two body parts that barely hold any meaning to me good choice

64. Sensitive or loud: im personally both (ok we gotta debate on the loud part with some people) but i think i value someone that is more likely to understand my own sensitivity so i guess sensitive it is

65. Hook up or relationship: relationship

66. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker sounds disgusting but i guess that since they would push my hesitant ass to do some stretching out of my comfort zone

Have You Ever:

67. Kissed a stranger: no

68. Had hard liquor: yes

69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no

70. Turned someone down: kind of

71. Sex on first date: no

72. Broken someone’s heart: naah

73. Had my heart broken: nope

74. Been arrested: no

75. Cried when someone died: yes

76. Fallen For a Friend: fgjhjh kinda... got over it fast tho cause it was impossible

Do You Believe In:

77. Yourself: No I Do Not Exist We Are Collectively Hallucinating Me

78. Miracles: not really

79. Love at first sight: i believe you can sense if a person is compatible with you BUT ITS NOT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT YOU ARE JUST A PERCEPTIVE PERSON

80. Santa Clause: obvs my Dad

81. Kiss on the first date: i dont think it has anything to do with belief if it feels right at that moment then do it

82. Angels: um? havent you seen the axe commercial :/

83. Aliens: yes!!

Other Random Things:

84. Current Best Friend’s name: mira

85. Eye color: blue and grey or some shit

86. Favorite Movie: black swan

87. Hold an object dear to you: my phone love being a #relatable millennial

88. Favorite Ice Cream Flavour: vanilla or lemon

89. Least favorite thing: when my clothes fall under my bed and then im too scared to dig them out

90. Name one thing you could change about the world: no social injustice

91. Current Song stuck in your head: i know by fiona apple

92. Favorite Childhood show: powerpuff girls? idk i liked most of the shows from my childhood

jesus christ sorry this is a hot mess made by someone who tries to function at 2am using their second language @nuddy-pants do this xx

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nyelaexe · 7 years

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get to know me tag!

hello ladies i was tagged by @kinkyoongs and @thighkink thank u <3

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements

THE LAST: 1. drink: orange sunkist (fanta is better) 2. phone call: i dont remember who i called last but the last call i got was from my care facilitator 3. text message: i dont text 4. song you listened to: Drowning - A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie & Kodad Black uglass 5. time you cried: a couple hours ago watching the last episode of season two of Attack On Titan when Hannes got eaten by the same Titan that killed Eren’s mom and Eren couldn’t transform into a Titan to save him dlsflfkj 6. dated someone twice: yeah 7. kissed someone and regretted it: oop yes

8. been cheated on: no not that i know of

9. lost someone special: yeah 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: i don’t drink im only 18 fdsjk

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14. black, champagne, forest green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: no sdlkfhu 16. fallen out of love:yes 17. laughed until you cried: every damn day 18. found out someone was talking about you: yeah people fake 19. met someone who changed you: no 20. found out who your friends are: no not really 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: not in the year 2017, but in the past year

GENERAL: 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: pretty much all but like 4 i think. i only have like 140 fb friends anyway 23. do you have any pets: a doggie named Cutie 24. do you want to change your name: nah my name is fine.

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i stayed home. my brother bought me some pizza from his work and he bought me some cake and we stayed in and chilled. 26. what time did you wake up:today? like 10:55, close to 11. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: i cant remember. 28. name something you can’t wait for: im not looking forward to anything. 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like an hour ago. 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: a lot of stuff man. 31. what are you listening to right now: im watching How The Universe Works:Mystery Of Planet 9 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: there was a thomas in my 7th grade class. he fell going up to turn his work in and smashed into the podium and it was hilarious. 33. something that is getting on your nerves: everything gets on my nerves always. i have to have a sensory test bc i get too irritated at small things like noises and smells. 34. most visited website: tumblr, fb, and shopping sites 35-37. alrighty 38. hair color: dark brown/black 39. long or short hair: i have short hair but i would like to have long hair

40. do you have a crush on someone: no

41. what do you like about yourself: oop nothing really 42. piercings: just me ears 43. blood type: i never asked 44. nickname: Ny 45. relationship status: single 46. zodiac: virgo 47.pronouns: she/her 48. favorite tv show: Attack On Titan, (when will i shut up about this show i just started watching 3 days ago and i finished the entire show) Ridiculousness, AHS (its shit now) 49. tattoos: none but i have a lot of ideas saved 50. right or left handed: right 51. surgery: haven’t had any yet 52. piercing: do i want piercings? bc i just answered how many i have. i want a septum piercing. or an industrial piercing. 53. sport: i cant walk to the kitchen to get water without crackin one of my toes lskjdfsdj i cant do sports 54. vacation: i used to go to minnesota to my dads house for the summer when i was younger but i don’t anymore. he’s coming here on the 8th to get my niece and he wants me to come back with him but i got doctor’s appointments lmao can’t do it 55. pair of trainers: idc anything that i can afford. air max’s are cute.

MORE GENERAL: 56. eating: nothing we broke. 57. drinking: still sunkist. 58. im about to: probably listen to music and try to sleep or something 59. waiting for: my social security on the 3rd lmaomdfjdlj so i can buy us some groceries 60. want: to be able to sleep at night. i dont like not sleeping. my mind is starting to go man. 61. get married: please no. 62. career: i wanted to be a cosmetologist. i even did a school tour to regency 2 years ago then all the campuses shut down. all over the country. there’s other schools but still. i got discouraged.

WHICH IS BETTER: 63. hugs or kisses: neither really but if i had to choose i would say hugs. i dont like physical contact. 64. lips or eyes: eyes. 65. shorter or taller: taller 66. older or younger: older 67. nice arms or nice stomach: i do not care. 68. hookup or relationship: i am asexual and aromantic please dont. 69. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant. im too chicken shit to do anything dangerous i cant hang with a troublemaker.

HAVE YOU EVER: 70. kissed a stranger: no 71. drank hard liquor: no 72. lost glasses/contact lenses: no but i’ve broken my glasses 73. turned someone down: have i? i dont think so 74: sex on the first date: no 75. broken someone’s heart:no i hope not 76. had your heart broken: yeah 77. been arrested: no 78: cried when someone died: yeah 79. fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 80. yourself: not really no 81. miracles: i think that sometimes things happen and they’re surprising and maybe they seem impossible but i don’t really believe in miracles 82. love at first sight: uh 83. santa claus: no santa was never real to me growing up. we skipped christmases when we were younger. but when we did have christmas our parents and grandparents made sure to tell us that they got us the presents. 84. kiss on the first date: sure 85. angels: no

OTHER: 90. current best friend’s name: emily, irving 91: eye color: brown 92: favorite movie: The Color Purple, Mississippi Burning, the Saw series, Life, Maleficent, and Captain America: The Winter Soldier

i tag @jiminsmaingirl @jiminsesposa @oh-no-its-mo @thrussywhipped @junghoesuc

#hey :)))#these answers are so lame im sorry ughdhgudg #about

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skiasurveys · 7 years

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Talk about...

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. - I cant remember that well since I was a little kid.. ( The lion king), um but I remember being so into it and I loved animals and it kind of started me wanting to draw. But i cant remember the first time i watched it.

2: Talk about your first kiss. We were really awkward, I liked him..but not enough, and so we went driving around, got starbucks, and then found this bench and we were talking/flirting, and then he just kissed me. But it was nasty asf, it was so gross. his spit was all over me, blehh. I hated it. I remember being like if this is kissing i do not want it. It wasnt tell i kissed another person that i was like Oh thats what its supposed to be like..

3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for. He is my current boyfriend. We met on Okcupid in 2015 right after i had finished high school. It was like September. its funny because i wasnt rly serious on that site but then I started to talk to him and we hit it off really well.. we dated for a week then broke up LMAOOO. But then in April 2016 we started to talk again and in May we dated. so its been a year so far, and i am really in love with him. He and I click very well, he’s 7 years older than me. we play video games together but sometimes i watch him play by himself cus its fun that way too. He likes anime tho and i hate it lol. hes very funny and he can be super sweet and romantic and sometimes hes jusr a fkn nerd. idk what else to say before i start going on forever about it.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far. Meeting the dude who assaulted me. we were just friends and i had a bad feeling about him but i shoved it off. and then he attacked and assaulted me. I wish i went with that gut feeling. Thank god hes gone.

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had. My best birthday was either my 18th or 19th. My 20th was boring. But my 18th I got a wii U and i got drunk too, and i had fun. but yeah, like idk the best prob was when i was a child and had lotsa friends and cake.

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had. My 16th because my dad was dying.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity. My biggest insecurity is my body shape.weight. I just hate it because I feel fucking ugly and fat and I really am not, but idk i just want to be skinny and tiny.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of. I am proud that i graduated and got my license, since I was struggling to graduate which was like 2 years ago but i was going through a lot.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my eyes, and I do like that i have small hands and feet. ( its easy to find shoes). But I also like my legs and that I have a bigger butt.

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had. theres been a few. But i think with my ex friend who just said she hated me and it was random asf, but she ghosted on me after and so it wasnt really a fight. another one i had was when i started to date my current BF and he wasnt being the best and I was like maybe i should drop him so i tried too and then we fought and then we actually were adults and explained the situation and we sorted it all out. since then we have been so good. like we know how eachother works. Lol fuck.

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had. I cant think of one.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. i had a nightmare where this creepy ass creature was crawling up my walls and turned its head all around and had lifeless eyes and creepy sharp jagged teeth, and it was just terrifying. but then my mom killed it.. wtf

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The first time i had sex I was super nervous. ( It was with my current bf), and we tried and then i started to cry because I was nervous and also from my trauma, and then he was like okay thats fine. Then later that night he asked if we wanted to try again so I said sure. and so we started to make out and then before i knew it was actually inside me and I was like wtf that wasnt bad, and it felt really good. It wasnt overly romantic like they make in movies but it was super good and he was slow and good with me. ever since then i crave dick every minute LMAOOO.

14: Talk about a vacation. I went to disneyland with my mom the year i was graduating high school. It was so much fun, I felt so safe and happy . I cant really explain what i felt just felt like everything was gonna be OK and the rides were just so awesome and the food was great lol

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life. It was when I was starting to date Connor again and we were hanging out and I was like wow, my life is going perfect right now and I felt so happy.

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to. I never go to parties but the one i went to was at my boyfriends friends house and I just started to drink rum n coke and it was really good and made lots of friends but there wasnt that many people there but i felt really happy.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I cant think of anyone lol

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school. i got bullied alot for stupid shit.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school. I was in foods class and I was with my friend Jenna, Brittney, Shae and Julia. There was orientation for the kids from elementary that night, and so we asked if we could stay extra and make the cookies and so we were allowed. Then Julia and Shae left to use the washroom. Jenna and I had finished up and were heading to our other class, and as we walked in there was a alarm for a lock down and we were like holy shit. There was somekid with a knife walking around. they calmed him down, but it was really creepy. But our friend brittney was by herself in the foods room and she was crying and i felt so bad omg rip brittney

20: Talk about something that happened in high school. I had math class one afternoon and the class before me apparently this girl had a seizure. But i didnt know, so when we walked in the classroom I was like wtf why are the desks all pushed around and so i thought they did some activity, but it turns out this girl had a seizure, and my friend told me about it and how it was super traumatizing our teacher even got bit. it was really weird..

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. He is my friend still but he really liked me and he asked me out and I had to tell him No and i said that i wasnt looking for a relationship but it was super awkward but hes cool.

22: Talk about your worst fear. choking.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down. I really liked this one guy and we went on a first date and then he asked if i wanted to chill the next week and so i said sure. But then that day he had texted me and said he was busy and that i couldnt come over and so I was like Oh ok, cool. and then he told me to make sure i wasnt looking for anything serious, and then so i never saw him again after the first date. But he was really boring so thank god i didn’t. and its funny cus a few months after he had some gf and i think he is still with her cus i would see them at the mall all the time. but yeah im glad it didnt work out!

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. One night ( this is cheesy ) It was like 4 am and Connor was watching TV and I was scrolling through tumblr lookin at funny memes/posts and he just turned and looked at me and said “Jen, youre my best friend” and it just made my night. It was super sweet and i felt great.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend. ho ho ho okay, so we were friends since grade 9 summer/beg of grade 10. we were close asf, we liked the same shit, we thought the same. she was great. she was the first best friend i ever had rly. so a couple times through out our friendship she would kind of vanisha nd not talk but it was her depression and it was annoying asf. anyways.. after grade 12 grad (this is like oct 2015), i tried to message her but it wouldnt let me! so i soon realized she blocked me on everything. i texted her thanks for that and then feb 2016 we became friends again, then may 2016 she ghosted on me but she finally sent message saying how she hated me etc and really too this day it hurts but i still dont know what actually fucking happened.

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick. if im really sick i just sleep and watch youtube videos. or ill have a bath.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body. i really love my boyfriends arms. theyre so big and strong. mmmm.

28: Talk about your fetishes. i dont rly have a fetish tbh.

29: Talk about what turns you on. i like when my bf dominates me, but not too hardcore. I like neck kissing, facial hair, deep voices, motivation. I like being tackled like play fighting and i like when he touches my thighs etc. mm

30: Talk about what turns you off. being an asshole, racist/sexiest, if youre super smelly. if youre really tall and skinny.

31: Talk about what you think death is like. i dont know. its probably weird asf.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. i remember this place called Moonwalkers and it was this crazyass jungle gym we had and it was the best shit ever.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad. i draw, listen to music, have a bath..etc

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. getting hit by a car.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. i wish i would stop comparing myself to every fucking person i see.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures. some anime.

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. i thought i loved wade, but i really was just liking the idea of someone. this was in high school. lol it was really weird and i didnt like it.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. it depeds on the song and the person. pink floyd reminds me ofmy ex friend. Anime/kpop songs remind me of Kyra and super lovely songs and omam remind me of connor

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier. not everyone you lose is a loss.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life. the end of high school and teenage years was really weird. i remember feeling so out of place and not sure what t do with myself.

#survey #personal #talk about

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panclownrights · 7 years

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Get To Know The Blogger (Repost)

1. If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

Binge watch my current favorite shows and movies. (Currently: Parenthood, Skam, and 13 Reasons Why

2. What is your favorite piece of clothing you own / owned?

Leggings because they’re comfortable as fuck.

3. What hobby would you pick up if time & money weren't an issue?

Yoga seems fun and I try to be a chilled person.

4. What does your perfect room look like?

A rustic/vintage style room with a bunch of old cameras and maps and books but then also plants and fairy lights.

5. How often do you play sports?

If I played sports often I would not be on here.

6. What fictional place would you like to visit?

I want to visit Idris (Shadowhunters).

7. What job would you be terrible at?

I’m terrible at any job that you have to do under pressure (most jobs) so I would be a really bad waitress.

8. When was the last time you climbed a tree?

I have never climbed a tree.

9. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance of winning a medal for?

Being able to find out certain information on anyone about anything.

10. What is the most annoying habit that you or other people have?

I am ALWAYS late. I can never be on time for anything.

11. What job do you think you'd be really good at?

I think I would be good as a retail person or a makeup artist.

12. What skill would you like to master?

Drumming, guitar, piano, singing, and reading fast.

13. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?

A road trip across the US with my friends.

14. If you had unlimited funds to build a house to live on for the rest of your life, what would the finished house look like?

An apartment type place that is an industrial building with old brick and a spiral staircase with a bunch of rustic accessories, located in a city.

15. What's your favorite drink?

Hot chocolate.

16. What state or country do you never want to go back to?

I have never been there but I never want to go to Idaho.. I don’t know why??

17. What songs do you have completely memorized?

Anything Troye Sivan, 5sos, most One Direction. A bunch of songs.

18. What game or movie universe would you like to live in?

Twilight in Forks, Washington.

19. What do you consider to be your best find?

Um... I dont know?

20. Are you usually early or late?

Late forever and always.

21. What pets did you have when you were growing up?

Two cats, two hamsters, a bunch of fish, hermit crabs, and a dog.

22. When people come to you for help, what do they usually need help with?

Mainly any type of advice. Boys usually with girls and girls usually with rumors and gossip.

23. What takes up too much of your time?

My phone, specifically a website called Quotev.

24. What do you wish you knew more about?

I wish I knew more about psychology.

25. What would be your first question after waking up from being frozen for 100 years?

Who the fuck froze me?

26. What are some small things that make your day better?

When an idol of mine posts a new picture or video. Or when a new clip or episode of one of my favorite shows comes out.

27. Who's your go-to band or artist when you don't know who or what to listen to?

5 Seconds of Summer.

28. What's the best way to start the day?

Waking up around 9 am, showering, and having a fruit with coffee.

29. What TV shows do you like?

Skam, Shameless, American Horror Story, Shadowhunters, Scream Queens, 13 Reasons Why, Modern Family, The Fosters, Riverdale, and Parenthood.

30. What TV channel doesn't exist but really should?

LGBTQ+ channel.

31. Who has impressed you most with what they've accomplished?

Any actors that started at a later age (19-23) and are on successful, popular shows or movies now.

32. What age do you wish you could stay at permanently?

22 seems pretty great.

33. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

I refuse to watch most horror movies.

34. What's your ideal way to spend a weekend?

A successful binge weekend of movies and tv.

35. What is something that is considered a luxury, but you don't think you could live without?

My iphone.

36. What is your claim to fame?

I don’t know, acting??

37. What is something you enjoy doing the old-fashioned way?

I enjoy writing letters and reading physical books.

38. What's your favorite book or movie genre?

Fantasy or realistic - fiction.

39. How often do you people-watch?

Basically everyday.

40. What have you only recently formed an opinion about?

On how teenagers in high school need to be kinder towards each other and watch what they say and do that could be hurtful to someone else.

41. What's the best day of the year?

Halloween.

42. What subject interests you that not many people have heard of?

I’m pretty sure most people have heard of psychology and astronomy.

43. How do you relax after a long day of work?

Laying in bed and watching Netflix.

44. What's the best book series or TV series you've ever read or watched?

I have been watching Shadowhunters ever since it aired then watched the movie and now am currently reading the books.

45. Where is the farthest you've ever been from home?

I went from Florida to Boston without my family one summer.

46. What's the most heartwarming thing you've ever seen?

I have seen many heartwarming things.

47. What is the most annoying question people ask you?

Where do you want to go to college?

48. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with no preparation?

Either Shadowhunters or Evan Peters.

49. If you were the dictator on a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do?

Make them all have some form of sparkly accessory and have any of my favorite shows air on each person’s televisions whenever they are on.

50. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

They should take a trip alone.

51. Would you rather go hand gliding or whitewater rafting?

Whitewater rafting.

52. What's your dream car?

A purple jeep or a Volkswagen van.

53. What's worth spending more on to get the best?

Foundation always.

54. What is something a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don't get?

Actually most trends like the thing on the back of people’s phones or the unicorn frap I do not understand.

55. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?

Being able to travel.

56. Where is the most interesting place you've been?

Disney World.

57. What's something you've been meaning to try but haven't gotten around to it?

Playing the drums and yoga.

58. What is the best thing that happened to you last week?

I went on vacation.

59. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind, only to experience it for the first time again?

The Malec kiss scene in season 1 episode 12 on Shadowhunters.

60. If all jobs had the same pay rate and hours, what job would you want to have?

A retail job at Barnes & Noble.

61. What amazing thing have you done that no one was around to see?

Ace a Biology tests since I suck at science.

62. How different was your life 1 year ago?

I lived in a different state, went to public school, and had friends.

63. What quirks do you have?

I rant about my current obsessions, I do not know how to make eye contact, and I dodge away from conversations.

64. What would you rate 10/10?

My gay ships.

65. What fad or trend do you think should come back?

I thought the Rainbow Loom was awesome.

66. What is the most interesting piece of art you've seen?

Shirtless guys.

67. What kind of art do you enjoy most?

I enjoy face paint.

68. What do you hope never changes?

Our freedom of speech.

69. What city would you most like to live in?

Boston or New York City.

70. What movie title best describes your life?

The Art of Getting By. (The movie is basically me)

71. Why did you decide to do the work you are doing now?

I am not doing any work.

72. What's the best way a person can spend their time?

Doing what they are most passionate about and feeling care free about it.

73. If you suddenly became a master at woodworking, what would you make?

I would make furniture that looked like it was from a fairy tale world

74. Where is the most relaxing place you've ever been?

In a spa.

75. What's the luckiest thing that has ever happened to you?

I won a cute and expensive bag without realizing that’s what I signed up for.

76. Where would you rather be from?

I am from New York and I like being from there.

77. What are some things you've had to unlearn?

I did not have to, but every summer I forget everything I learned that year in math.

78. What do you look forward to in the next 6 months?

I am going on vacation with my cousins.

79. What website do you visit most often?

Quotev or Instagram.

80. What one thing do you really want but can't afford?

High quality makeup.

81. Where do you usually go when you have free time?

I go to my bedroom.

82. Where would you spend all your time if you could?

My bedroom.

83. What's special about the place you grew up?

I have never grown up in one place. I move every 4 years.

84. What age do you want to live to?

95 seems like a good age.

85. What are you most likely to become famous for?

Makeup or acting.

86. What are you absolutely determined to do?

To live my life to the fullest and not have regrets on things I did not do.

87. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do?

How to draw a skull on my face using just eye shadow.

88. What do you wish you knew more about?

I answered this question earlier on.

89. What question would you most like to know the answer to?

What is my future going to be?

90. What question can you ask to find out the most about a person?

What are your passions?

91. When was the last time you changed your opinion or belief about something major?

I stopped believing in my religion and the political opinions my family has.

92. What's the best compliment you've ever received?

You are really interesting to talk to.

93. As the only human left on earth, what would you do?

Scream as loud as possible.

94. Who inspires you to be better?

My idols (there are a lot).

95. What do you want your epitaph to be?

She lived a long, full life doing what she loved.

96. What haven't you grown out of?

Hugging my mom in public.

97. In what situation or place would you feel most out of place in?

A high school.

98. What's the dumbest thing you've done that actually turned out pretty well?

Throw a party.

99. If someone wrote a book on an event in your life, what would the book be about?

Nothing at all. I am not interesting.

100. What's something you will never do again?

Throw a party.

101. How do you hope you'll change as a person in the future?

I hope to be more confident, daring, and adventurous.

102. What keeps you up at night?

Things I keep putting off or events that happen the next day.

103. What's the most surprising self-realization you've had?

That I was a negative person and needed to change for the better.

104. What is the most illegal thing you've ever done?

Drink underage. Risky, I know.

105. How do you get in the way of your own success?

I am a big procrastinator.

106. What are you afraid people see when they look at you?

My body.

107. What is your biggest regret?

Not applying myself more (I’m still working on that).

108. What do you look down on people for?

The way they behave and treat others.

109. What bridges do you not regret burning?

Toxic or one sided relationships.

110. What lie do you tell most often?

I’m almost ready.

111. What would be your spirit animal?

A hedgehog.

112. What is the best & worst thing about getting older?

Living on your own.

113. What are you most likely very wrong about?

A lot of things.

114. If you had a personal flag, what would be on it?

A rainbow and glitter.

115. What's happened that changed your view on the world?

How negative or hurtful people can be.

116. What is the biggest lesson you've learned?

That there is no point in being negative about a situation because it will not do anything to fix it.

117. What is the most immature thing you do?

Wear hair bows.

118. What are you famous for among your friends & family?

Being the outcast.

119. If your childhood had a smell, what would it be?

The pool.

120. What one responsibility do you wish you didn't have?

Making money to live even if it is something you do not enjoy.

121. What are 3 things you want to accomplish before you die?

Travel to all the places I want to visit, being successful in some sort of way, and helping to make a difference somewhere.

122. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self?

So far, 10 was back when things were simple so stay there till further notice.

123. What's the best thing you got from your parents?

Their attitude on doing what makes you happy.

124. What's the best thing about you?

I am passionate about many things and have big dreams.

125. What blows your mind?

How people think it is cool to not care about things.

126. Have you ever saved someone's life?

No.

127. What are you really good at but embarrassed to be good at?

How easy I can find out information about people.

128. What would a mirror opposite of you look like?

Black hair, dark skin, brown eyes, tall, skinny.

129. What are 3 interesting facts about you?

I watch about 5 movies a week, I am homeschooled, I have been to Disney 25 times.

130. Which of your scars has the best story behind it?

None of my scars have interesting stories.

131. What's the title of the current chapter in your life?

A work in progress.

132. What were some of the biggest turning points in your life?

When I went from public school to high school.

133. What's the hardest lesson you've learned?

It is hard to find genuine people who care about you when you’re young.

134. What do people think is weird about you?

My obsession with sparkles.

135. What mistake do you keep making?

Trusting people.

136. What have you created that you're most proud of?

I rewrote an alternate version of the ending to The Fault In Our Stars.

137. What do you doubt?

I have a bad habit of doubting my ability to be confident and social.

138. What are some of your morals?

Be kind, always. Do what you love. Have goals and make dreams. If you try hard enough and work your ass off, you will succeed. You are not getting anywhere with a negative attitude.

139. What do you want to be remembered for?

Making a difference in somebody’s life.

140. What do you regret not doing in your childhood years?

Having more of an opinion about things and standing up for myself.

141. What is your favorite fragrance?

The A&F store.

142. What do you think your last words will be?

I love you.

143. Who or what do you take for granted?

The amount of free time I have.

144. Why would you be annoying as a roommate?

I stay up super late with the lights on and take very long showers.

145. What is something you're insecure about?

My body.

146. What's the best & worst piece of advice you've received?

Do what you love is the best. Get a high paying job to make money is the worst.

147. What irrational fears do you have?

Not knowing what my future is.

148. What makes a good life?

Living the exact way you want to live with little regrets.

149. What's the last adventure you went on?

I don’t even know.

150. What is the most memorable gift you've received?

A ring my aunt gave me that was made from one of her mother’s stones she had on her old jewelry.

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findingaliceinadarkplace · 7 years

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Because I am a very bored insomniac/

1 - Who was the last person you texted? My big sister.

2 - When is your birthday? In the summer (not giving a date to remain anonymous).

3 - Who do you want to be with right now? Would be nice to be with all of my siblings (both biological and unoficially adopted), my partner, my bestie and her partner.

4 - What sports do you play? I really don’t to be honest, I do like to swim though.

5 - Who is the first person in your contacts? My besties partner (its alphabetical and hes an A).

6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment? Currently really into Galway girl or Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran

7 - If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with? My partner, bestie or big sister, I think any of them could be grounded and level headed enough to get us off the island.

8 - What do you feel right now? Rising panic about deadlines, super tired, looking forward to visiting the zoo on monday.

9 - What chocolate is your favorite? Cadburys.

10 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have? A few, but only one serious.

11 - Why did you create a Tumblr account? A friend was on it and I wanted to see what all of the hype was about, that was about 6 years ago now and I am still at it.

12 - Who is your favorite blogger? Really awful but I dont know anyone as such, I like all of the blogs that I follow but I dont pay much attention to usernames.

13 - Where do you want to be right now? Near the sea.

14 - What do you want to be in the future? I want to be a counsellor,

15 - When was the last time you cried? Why? Earlier today, I had a low blood suagr and was attempting and failing to open a tin of tuna, I was crying at my failure (things which arent really tings become things when you are low).

16 - Are you happy? Not overly, I have moments of happy, but I arent at my best right now.

17 - Who do you miss? All of my siblings, bioligcal and adopted.

18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life? Yes and no, I have a dark past which I am still trying to get over, and given the chance i would love to make myself more confident, more able to love life and not be such a pain in the ass, but my life and all of its shit has brought me to the people i know and love today and i cant escape that fact, and i love the people who i do love all the more vigorously because I had such a shitty start, so in some ways it has been a blessing as well as a curse.

19 - What was the best thing you were given? My big sisters trust.

20 - Who was the last person who called you? My besties partner.

21 - What is your favorite dish? Fajitas.

22 - Who is your bestfriend? I wont name her, but she is a beauty and she is wonderful and i love her to bits.

23 - What is your biggest regret? Not speaking up about my abuse sooner than I did, and leaving my younger siblings/.

24 - Have you ever cheated on your partner? Never.

25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with? Partner, bestie, big sister.

26 - Name someone pretty. My bestie.

27 - Who was the last person you hugged? My partner.

28 - What kind of music do you listen to? Absolutley anything, I like most things.

29 - Are you over your past? Not even fucking close, I wish i was though/

30 - Who is the last person in your contacts? A dickhead who I was forced into group work with, I really need to delete his number because I’d be happy never to see the bastard again in my life.

31 - What kind of person do you want to date? Already dating and I am happy with him, he pisses me off and gets on my nerves, but also wont take too much of my shit and can keep me in check when its needed, hes a good balance.

32 - Do you have troubles sleeping at night? Yes, I am up here writing answers to this thing because I am having trouble sleeping.

33 - From whom was the last text message you received? My big sister.

34 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt? Jeans.

35 - How’s your heart? Hurting, broken at times and clogged up with junk food, but also kind when it wants to be.

36 - Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”? I did a very long time ago, his name was Josh.

37 - Do you like someone as of the moment? Yeah, I kind of like my partner.

38 - What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend? Fucking hit us up once in a while, we all miss having you around (seriously, I am on good terms with him).

39 - Do you have any phobias? dark, spiders, heights, snakes, men, car horns, small spaces, being trapped, the list is pretty extensive.

40 - Did you try to change for a person? Yes, for my parents, and everytime they werent bothered and I felt like shit so i have stopped trying now.

41 - What’s the nicest thing have you given to someone? I wrote my bestie a full notebook full of quptes which are inspiring and hopefully make her feel stronger and then gave it to her a couple of christmasses ago, it made her cry.

42 - Would you go back to your previous relationship? Nope, I am happy with my current one/

43 - Are you in a good or bad mood? Neither, I am feeling pretty neurtal.

44 - Name someone you can’t live without. Partner, bestie, siblings (bio and adopted).

45 - Describe your dream date. A carpet picnic with all my favourite foods and fizzy pop, followed by the making of a den and watching disney films while being chilled, lots of laughing.

46 - Describe your dream wedding. Unusual, i want things which are slightly more non-traditiona. I want a tea length dress, but i also want a pair of white converse because i hate heels or anyything too girly. There have to be lights everywhere, I want to feel as though there are stars surrounding me even when i am inside. for the first dance i want it to finish with a kind of flashmob. if anybody is bored at all i will be unhappy, i want lots of laughter and people being together. The colour scheme is pink and blue, to match my engagement ring and our favourite colours.

47 - How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s? None, we dont celebrate it.

48 - Have you ever been kissed? Lots.

49 - How long is your longest relationship? 5 years and counting.

50 - Do you regret your past? Some of it, not all.

51 - Can you do something stupid for someone else? I have done on multiple occasions, but if it helps them it isnt stupid.

52 - Have you ever cried over someone? lots of times.

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone? A few people, i’d like to say i dont but i would be lying.

54 - Are you a crybaby? At certain things, at other thing i am the most hard faced bitch in the world.

55 - Do people praise you for your looks? My partner and bestie do at times, i think they lie though.

56 - Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t? Once when i was younger, onlly because he was gay though and apparently i was the only person in the world who couldnt see it/.

57 - Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret? Yeah, I said a few choice words to someone who was a horrible, nasty piece of work. I shpouldnt have done it, but i dont regret it to this day.

58 - Do you like getting hurt? No, but from the amount i do you’d think I do.

59 - Does anyone hate you? Probably, i tried to take my abuser to court so at the very least I imagine he and his family hate me.

60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”? Never slapped anyone.

61 - What hair color do you prefer? I love bright colours, give me a pink or a blue anyday, I did it once before but i arent brave enough to do it again and it is a pain in the ass if you want to change colour again.

62 - If you can change anything about yourself, what is it? My reaction to trauma/

63 - Do you love someone as of the moment? yes.

64 - Have you ever thought of killing yourself? yes.

65 - Do you have issues with somebody in your school? I’m at uni, and i did up until about a month ago but theyre no longer in my life so its fine now.

66 - Can you live without internet? Yes but it would be a struggle I imagine.

67 - What’s the song that remind you of your special someone? We found love, Rhianna/

68 - Are you good at holding back your tears? Sometimes and around some people. not so much around certain others.

69 - Are you a crybaby? Sometimes.

70 - Have you ever experienced being hysterical? Most of my life/.

71 - Are you a KPOP fan? Not overly.

72 - Do you study hard? When panic overtakes me.

73 - Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love? yes, my mental health and almost sanity to protect my siblings.

74 - Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight? yes.

75 - Have you ever ridden a boat? yes.

76 - Did you have an accident last year? Yes, every flaming day of the year probably, i am accident prone,

77 - What kind of person are you? Id like to think i am caring and compassionate, I am very quick witted, sarcastic and stubborn as a mule. Easily anxious, but I will do anything if i love someone enough, it takes me a long time to trust though and i am wary of poeple which might make me seem standoffish at times.

78 - Have you ever thought of killing someone? i had a really bad intrusive thought once about stabbing my abusive stepmother, but i am in control of myself so i put down the knife (it was a butter knife and wouldnt have done any harm anyway) and went into a other room and went back to finish my food later. I dont think i could deal with bbeing a murderer.

79 - Have you ever been jealous? Not really.

80 - How can you prove your love to someone? Be there for them always, let ythem know you wont leave them and supportthem even when they are being difficult and when thir demons dont play well with yur own/

81 - What are you thinking right now? How much id love to sleep.

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts? Another member from that infernal group whose number I also need to delete to have them truly removed from my life.

83 - Do you have any memories you want to erase? oh yeah, the vast majority of my childhood.

84 - Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel? yes, so many times.

85 - Did you ever badmouth someone? of course, but only to my bestie and that doesnt count, shes a sounding board as i am to her.

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone? of course, I have lived over 20 years you’re bound to argue with someone in that time.

87 - Do you have trust issues? Massive ones.

88 - Are you broken-hearted? Somedays/

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? My partner.

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it? Jury’s out. I have been told it is but I arent sure, and I arent sure I am really qualified to make that opinion yet.

91 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? Nom i wasnt abused as a child because it 3wwas meant to be, my life isnt a fucking superhero movie, i was abused because a sick fuck abused me, there is no higher power or bigger picture to it, it was just shit.

92 - Who do you want to marry?My partner.

93 - Do you believe in destiny? Not really.

94 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”? I dont do soulmate, but I have already found the person i want to spend the rest of my life with/

95 - How do you look right now? Like utter shite.

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies? yes

97 - Have you found your true love? i hope so

98 - What should you be doing right now? sleeping or studying

99 - Name one of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends.nope/

100 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough? all the fucking time.

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