#surprised i havent seen anyone post this interaction

[motherspores]

cmon, zedaph, get with the program.

[ID: three screenshots of Zedaph and GeminiTay having a conversation about where to find her enchanting setup. It goes as such:

GeminiTay: yep go towards the sniffers and then in the cave Zedaph: That sounds like a trap...

GeminiTay: we are both dead Zedaph: I can be double dead!

GeminiTay: its rest in PEACE zed

end id/]

#geminitay #hermitcraft #hermitcraft s10 #zedaph #hermitcraft season X #surprised i havent seen anyone post this interaction #pops up near the end of grian's 2nd s10 episode lol #first post on this blog i guess?? #figured i should post something since itll help me with custom formatting later when i'm not tired

[rosieselfships]

can selfships be classified as "problematic?" i'm worried because i self ship with a character i have a very large age gap with (them being the older one) and i'm scared that if i'm public about this antis might harass me.

alright so im gonna put this under the cut bc i rambled on for too long and its a bit discourse-y.

...sometimes antis call certain selfships problematic while they dont for others that should be just as "problematic". Some antis have no problems with people selfshipping with villains, slashers, etc. But will get mad when people selfship with characters who have done things they personally can't excuse like rapists or abusers, or selfships with age gaps especially if they are younger...or even just selfshiping with a character people think are gay even if its not canon (its still dumb even if it is canon cuz like 1 persons selfship isnt gonna take away representation guys).

I'd like to say that selfshipping with an older character shouldn't be an issue however some people have no common sense and are hypocrites and think that an adult consensually dating an older adult is pedophilia. And this isn't just a hypothetical either, i follow this one selfshipper who is in their 20s who selfships with a character in their late 40s, and i've seen them get called a pedophile even when no child is involved and the character is literally older than them...they either must be mistaken or just tossing out serious words and watering down the meaning of them.

Of course, if anyone says this to you or anyone else in a situation like this, just know that it is completely dumb and you are not at fault.

My suggestion would be to make a new side blog for your selfship stuff. In 2018 i had an old selfshipping blog but it became inactive due to seeing antis in the community and just embarrassment in selfshipping in general. It wasn't until last year when i got the urge to post about selfshipping again after following some proship selfshippers, then i made this blog and started over. You could start new and make it clear that you don't want antis to interact with you. Block anyone who sends you harassment and turn off anons if you need to. I'm not so open about being proship outside of this side blog tbh, but only because the community is full of antis and i just wanted to avoid them and curate my own experience. There are a lot of things i would say if i didnt feel i would be harassed or loose friends/mutuals over it...and i just dont really like to discourse anyway...except for in private with people i know share similar opinions with me and we all bitch about some dumb take we see online. Having friends or people you follow share similar opinions and beliefs can make you feel less alone.

...honestly..ive had this blog for a year and im at 100+ followers and ive had anons on for a long time, im actually surprised i havent received hate yet...while recent-ish i got a random anon on my main blog that just said "kys". I have no idea what prompted that response...it took me 5 years on this account for me to get hate xd. maybe i am just low profile, or people think they cant get a reaction out of me so they dont bother me, or both.

#discourse

[grishaversecommunityyy]

The Grishaverse Ship Survey Results

So! After all of that, we finally have the results! What is the general opinion on the ships in the Grishaverse? Well, that’s for you to read below! It’s actually pretty interesting and, while some parts make sense, there were definitely some parts which... surprised me... Anyway, onto the results!

Everything in this post can be split into:

The Grisha Trilogy

Six Of Crows Duology

The Nikolai Series

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

Most Enjoyed Ships

Least Enjoyed Ships

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

Notes from the Survey 

(note from mod emily: i tried to bold all of fritz’ comments, but i might have missed a few! be aware there are two of us analysing here :))

The Grisha Trilogy

The first book series we asked about was, of course, the first chronologically: the Grisha Trilogy. The most popular ship, with 83% voters for this series selecting this, was Genya/David (Fritz was glad to hear that; Yes I am). This is likely due to the lack of alternate romantic interests in the series, which seems to be a major issue for Alina’s ships. It also seems to be one genuinely enjoyed by most fans, in contrast to Darkling/Alina and Mal/Alina (each around 30%) and Nikolai/Alina (just under 20%), for which I have definitely seen plenty of debate. The second and third most popular ships for this series were Tamar/Nadia (55%) and Nikolai/Zoya (47%). Interestingly, Genya/Alina (43%) and Zoya/Alina (30%) ranked surprisingly high, especially considering how few of my friends and associates I hear talking about them. Good for them!

Honourable mentions:

Alina/Sun (no doubt inspired by that crack fic I wrote a while back) (Still havent read that out of fear)

Alina alone (a common concept among those surveyed, though most mentioned it later)

Zoya/Genya or Alina/Zoya/Genya

Six Of Crows Duology

This series was a little less divided, I would say. Predictably, Kaz/Inej came out on top with a whopping 96% of voters (:relieved:), with Wylan/Jesper next (90%) and Nina/Matthias just after (83%). None of the others really came close, despite Nina/Inej gathering 35% of the votes and Colm/Aditi at 25% (yeah, I’m not sure why that was so popular on AO3 either, but nobody really has objections so I assume that’s why it amassed so many votes). As Six of Crows is decidedly less divisive about ships and doesn’t have such controversial ships (more on that later), it seems the fandom agrees with canon pairings and the votes are... pretty unanimous.

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper/Wylan/Kuwei

Polycrows (platonic or romantic)

Kaz/Inej/Nina

Whoever didn’t read the instruction about this being for only the book series and put Jesper/Milo. I will never escape. 

The Nikolai Series

This one is a little harder for me because I actually haven’t read this... so over to Fritz for analysis! But first, the stats. At 85%, the most popular ship is Genya/David, followed by Zoya/Nikolai at 77%. Tamar/Nadia and Nina/Hanne draw at 61.5% and Nina/Matthias has 56% voters onboard. There’s no real honourable mentions for this one, sadly. Hello Fritz here! Read the books and very glad to see Genya/David as the top ship as it damn well should. Although still a bit surprising since its more of a side-arc of the two and only ties in with the importance of the story at a specific chapter that I feel like I don’t need to elaborate about, if you read Rule of Wolves. (I believe the popularity of the ship also sky-rocketed due to ROW) Following of course Zoya/Nikolai, the high ranking makes sense, it is the main ship and lets be honest they deserve it <3

I think the only really surprising thing about this is the high votes for Nina/Matthias since [SPOILERS CROOKED KINGDOM] he’s dead so I feel like people should move on from that. Nina/“Hanne” having not as high a ranking as I would’ve thought, but with Matthias still being in the frame I guess we shouldn’t be surprised either.

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

This one is really interesting, with the exclusive show watchers now taking part! We have 89% voting for Kaz/Inej, 76% for David/Genya, 71% for Matthias/Nina, 67% for Ivan/Fedyor (that’s a thing???-->Yeah they had a few somewhat sweet interactions in the background-->nvm i watched it you’re right fritz) and 62% for Mal/Alina. What’s really surprising is how high Malina is compared to Darklina, with Darkling/Alina at 36%. Who knows, maybe Fritz’ analysis can shed some light on this?

Yes yes Fritz to the rescue: First of all we have to see their interactions a little different from what we already knew of them by the end of episode 8. I still think it is a surprising number, since the Darkling in the show isn’t as nasty as he was in the books BUT over all his actions are now seen on TV. We all thought the deer antlers were a necklace amirite? Well no apparently not, the darkling used the worst kind of small science to fit Alinas collarbone to the bone and out comes a gruesome sight: a reason why many people might have started thinking: Wow what a disgusting person he is. And on the Malina “ship”: Mal finally has personality!! jkjk :eyes: Mals and Alinas friendship has been portrayed way better in the show and I believe that the people noticed more chemistry between them especially by the end of season 1. So I’m still a little surprised Darklina has such a low ranking (what with him being all sweet and cuddly in the middle of the show) but it makes sense and the Malina ship as well. Their vibes are just *chefs kiss* and thats coming from someone who didnt even like any of these “ships” <3

Loving the quotation marks for the word ‘ships’, Fritz. Over to the honourable mentions!

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper and Milo (isn’t milo a goat? guys, why?)

Nadia/Marie (huh that didn’t appear anywhere else)

One person had several - Kaz/Inej/Jesper, Dubrov/Mikhael, Dubrov/Mikhael/Mal - and yeah, you can really see the show differences in these mentions right? (whose dubrov...and whose mikhael...)

16% actually voted for Inej/Alina which is wild to me because of book context (they did have chemistry in the show tho :cowboi_smirk:)

Another person with several! We have Nina/Inej, Genya/Alina, Zoya/Alina, Zoya/Genya/Alina. Very sapphic. Good for you.

Kaz/Jesper and Nina/Inej all in one

That’s a lot of honour and mentions but it’s so interesting to me and I think you should see too

Most Enjoyed Ships

The most enjoyed ship was Kaz/Inej. This had unparalleled support, being at 35%. Jesper/Wylan, which was next on the list (23.5%) and Nina/Matthias (18%) were also pretty popular. Most of the others were quite low, though interestingly Mal/Alina only had 1 vote (plus one for the show version). Overall, the SoC ships were a lot more popular in this section, which makes sense - this part is really about your favourite ship, and those were more unanimous in the last sections.

Least Enjoyed Ships

Most people said Darkling/Alina, which got 47% of the NOTP votes. A lot more people disliked Darkling/Alina than liked Kaz/Inej. Make of that what you will, but I take it as a somewhat general agreement among many of you guys. Mal/Alina was also strongly disliked at 22%, but around a half or more of these were clarified to be about the book version of the ship specifically. They really must’ve upgraded in the show! Jesper/Kuwei and any other Darkling ships were also voted by a few, but all of these pale in comparison to the anti-Darklina votes. Shoutout to the person who said Apparat/Anyone. I agree, though it’s not something I thought of before seeing this response. Also one person said they didn’t like the poly ships, which I hope meant just the ones mentioned earlier and not all poly relationships in general... Another shoutout to whoever said Kaz/Heleen, because why did I have to read that. A fun question, all in all!

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

I love talking about crack ships, so let’s start with that! This time, I really don’t want to have to count and list because... well, let me show you:

I think that sums up the sheer variety, to be honest. Then again, it would be rude not to mention that the most popular were Jesper/Milo, Darkling/Nikolai and Alina/Sun. (If you’re still confused about that last one, I take full responsibility.)

YES KAZ/KRUGE I SUPPORT!!!

Honourable mention to this:

which was a lot to take in, and:

Now for the discourse. Yep, the part you probably came for. 

Actually... maybe you didn’t? Looking at all of these responses, I see a lot of people genuinely don’t care about ship wars and so on, and often enjoyed the books regardless of the romances involved. Quite a few disapproved of the ongoing (though small) wars between Darklina and Malina, and others had a similar line of thinking, saying we should maybe stop focusing so much on it. You guys are right. I know this is a ship survey, and the conclusions should not include that shipping isn’t as important as we make it (Yes it should), but... that’s where it’s at.

And then again, a lot of you guys expressed disapproval for Darkling/Alina, discussing how it is often one-sided and manipulative and overall unhealthy, so I could be completely off with that last one. Some people mentioned that they ship this but as a slightly different version that the one given to us, recognising the flaws of the canon ship.

Someone said they headcanon Tolya as aroace (OMG YES!!). We need more aroace characters, so thank you for that headcanon :) We also have a few gay ships mentioned here, and one person telling us they love Malina. Yes, you’re right - it’s pretty unpopular, it turns out. Someone else said Alina should’ve been single, and I agree, actually!

One person rickrolled me here. Thankfully, Youtube’s ads saved me. *wipes forehead*

I leave you all with this, in the end:

Notes from the Survey

Statistics Stuff:

The top ships were taken from AO3, so some ships may be more focused on in other books and may not provide accurate statistics for an earlier series.

The main circles this was sent around may have had bias as most people are from the same discord server, which has debated these topics in the past. Hence certain ships may have lower-than-average results. In future, this could be improved upon by sending this to other servers and areas of the fandom.

Personal bias may be present in the analysis, though I have tried to minimise this in the more formal sections.

Observations and Notes from Me:

You guys really don’t like Darklina. Or you love it. Usually one or the other. Wow.

Be glad I didn’t talk about any of the cursed ships in this. The things I have seen... (:cowboi_eyes:)

I thought more people would rickroll me, ngl.

What Surprised You Guys:

Kaz/Inej/Jesper

A few of you guys saw some of those cursed ships, and that surprised you. Well, me too!

Nikolai ships being in the TV Show section at all, what with his character not being in the show (yeah what was up with that huh tztz)

Inej/Alina

The existence of The Severed Moon

Darkling/Nikolai(/Alina)

How fun the quiz was :D

Things You Sent Me:

Bee Movie copypasta

“Nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition!”, except via an AO3 link

A fun fact about enzymes! I liked this one

Fic recs for Feriku and Sarai (esp for Wylan/Jesper shippers)

Another rickroll

Nice compliments :) aww you guys

I asked everyone for some kind of placeholder name and never used it. Sorry! But hey, anonymity, right?

Closing Statements

If you got this far (I feel like ive been sitting here for hours), thanks for reading! This was fun to do and I hope you enjoyed all of this too! The survey is still open for anyone who hasn’t done it but wants to. If I get a huge amount of new responses, I might update this post! But for now, adios!

-mod emily (and mod fritz)

#grishaverse #fandom #shipping #shadow and bone #six of crows #nikolai series #king of scars #the grisha trilogy

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello, maybe you coukd give me some tips. I send you that ask already but it means ght be deleted by tumblr and it was all messy and ugly.

So I have one childhood friend, we used to do everything together till highschool. Often she was my only friend, like now. We slowly started to distance from each other sonce she has a boyfriend. For all those years I did my best to accept him and all, told myself that duh she is not obliged to spent time only with me even in situation when she spent less and less time with me. Sometime I had a bit trouble to fully accept bf because sometime when they argued she was venting to me and I felt like his is hurting her but she refused to break up with him. Boy eas very insecure, no friends and so on and one day around graduating junior hight school she wanted to break up with him but he said something like he is gonna hurt himself if she will, or just drop out the school. So she wanted to wait at least until he graduate, but she waited longer. Then just after we graduated hightschool she broke up with him like she had enought. It was prolly a mistake but after she vent I said one or two things about him concerning past events and I said 'wow finally'. After a while they made up and she said she just missend him. I promissed mtself I will never comment whatever she tell me about them, unless in a good way.

Well... the point is that I am probably jellous, that she doesnt want to spent time with me anymore. Alway if I ask her out I give her to eventually pick the date, if nit today then maybe tomorrow etc y know introvert way :D And im trying to save this friendship? She is not the person busy 24/7, unless maybe when she is in uni or we count playing games as being busy. I play games too sometime.

Sometime it seems like she tries to avoid me and dont want to tell me anything. One day I was talking to her in cafee and she was just fidgeting with her phone. She didnt even like heck the socialmedia, just switching between random (system?) folders on the phone. When I asked abt it why she doesnt listen, she said she wanted to do sth but forgot what. Another time I havent seen her for months and she alway soent holidays 1 month her bf comes to her (he lives abroad already I guess) and I dont want to disturb them of feel like third wheel and the other month she come to him. So like week before she pnanned to go I asked her to go out next day. She said she cant. So asked another day, she answered : but I go to my bf. So I surprised that its that soon and sad I missed the oportunity: oh really? When? She: on Friday me: but its Monday(?)(no answer) so...? She: ught I know ;;; but lately I dont really feel like going anywhere :(

Well... maybe I'm childish but I felt sad.

I'm also jellous that they even celebrate each others bdays altought she never do that bc of religious reasons and I've always respected that.

Once I asked her what is with us, we barely talk for last few years and I feel like she is avoiding me. She had no Idea what I was talking about, she felt like everything was the same.

I was told to not have much hope or expectations toward her bu maybe try to text her or maybe arrange a meeting once in a while and try not to become bitter.

The other one sait that that how adulthood looks like, we become busier with private issues and so on and I may act childish and selfish, but as far as I know except for time she go to uni or to her bf she is not that busy, definitely not that busy not to have time to meet with me more than once in a whole year (or none) when we live ~20min apart by foot. I dont want to be burden to anyone or feel like third wheel so I dunno what to do. I have problem with finding friends, she was my only one friend (?) for years. I dont trust ppl easly

I wanted to do more things together outside since we both used to or still do soent too much time on the computer but well... you know, together is easier.

Since I have to do it on my own maybe you have some ideas? Thats stupid wuestion I guess since you dont know my environment. Jogging and biking wont work I guess since I dont have proper bike. I wanted to plant some flowers but I was afraid I screw everything up since im kida kid who grow up in the bubble and Im not sure how to do basics and nobody wanted to help me and its too late already... Walk is fine but I prefer places far from road and since I'm not supposed to go to the forest that I love I dont have many spots to go.

I am sorry for long post. Any even tiny help would be appreaciated. I hope thats not much of the problem, have a nice day or night :)

-PineconeAnon

I do think that it's time for you to let go of the friendship. I know that's hard to do but people grow apart and that's okay. It's okay. You'll be able to make better relationships and move forward but you have to learn to let go and keep walking forward. It sounds like you're holding onto this friendship because you want to keep going on like it's the past but...

It doesn't work like that. Change happens. It hurts sometimes but it's not a bad thing. You can reflect on this with time and learn how to be able to accept it. You need someone that wants to hang out with you and relax with you. It's not childish to be upset but it's important to see when people just... don't have time for you anymore and feelings change.

It just seems like you both have a fundamental misunderstanding and if you can't talk that through, then it's not working. You can try to talk about it but it seems like it'd be better to just let go. She doesn't think there's something wrong but you do. If you feel stress around her instead of friendship, it's not great.

But, that's up to you, you know? You decide your relationships what you want them to be.

I don't really have great advice for making friends as an adult. I'm not exactly going out and interacting with people. I can suggest finding a new set of friends online by joining Discords and interacting with the fandoms you're in because that's how I've made friends. It's easier to do that if you're anxious about making friends outside.

Try new hobbies. Take a deep breath. If you want to garden, try it out. You're not going to be perfect the first time. It's a learning process at anything and you have to just try. You don't get to live it if you don't try. You have to consider your limits and reflect on what is going to be the easiest thing to try.

It's never too late.

Try to start small and work your way up.

#pinecone anon #ask #mod kait

[cake-in-a-tin]

Secret Santa

This is my secret santa post for @siriuslyjames, i havent interacted with you loads but you seem lovely. have an amazing christmas if you celebrate it, and if you dont i hope you’re having a wonderful holiday :)

Lily Evans and James Potter lay side by side in the flower filled meadow behind the former’s house, underneath an ancient oak tree. It was a tradition of theirs - every year on the 31st of August they would lie together, heads buried among the flowers and grass, staring up at the oranges and pinks of the clouds in the setting sunlight. Lily couldn't believe this would be their last year at Hogwarts, and tried desperately to ignore the nagging impulse to turn and look at James instead of the clouds. 

***

So much had changed since their first meeting, which she still remembered vividly; as if it had happened yesterday. She had sat among the flowers, underneath the old oak in the middle of the field, her back against the mossy, rough trunk, desperately trying to stay in the shade, and holding a small daisy bud in her hand. It was the beginning of the summer holidays, she had endless days of nothing stretched out before her. Focusing as hard as possible on the small bud in her hand, she squinted her eyes in the way she had taught herself, and slowly but surely the small flower bloomed before her very eyes. She loved this adrenaline rush of sensing every small rustle of the leaves from the tree above, feeling the life of the daisy in her hand, and the grasses and other flowers around her. Shutting her eyes, she leaned back against the tree, breathing deeply, and gradually fell into a light sleep, when suddenly from nowhere she heard someone say, “Hello there!” 

Lily had blinked her eyes open, startled, and looked around to see who it was. Surely not Petunia, or one of her annoying little friends. He was sitting a little way away, straight in front of her. She was mightily confused, why hadn’t she heard him approach? She hadn’t been that deeply asleep. She was brought back to the present by the odd boy saying, “I’m James. James Potter. What’s your name?” She coughed slightly, still in a state of bewilderment, and said abruptly,

“Lily Evans.”

“Well, it’s good to meet you Lily. I just moved in around here, that’s why you haven't seen me before. I was exploring and I saw you sitting there. I saw what you did with that flower. I can do stuff like that as well you know. It's so cool! My dad taught me and so did my mum. Which one of your parents taught you then?” Lily sat in silence, feeling stupid that she had nothing to say. She was surprised that someone could have all of those thoughts and say so much in such a short period of time. 

“Neither of them taught me. I can just do it, my mind just knows.”

“...Huh.” It seemed that the boy, James, was speechless for the first time since she had met him. She took this opportunity to look at him, for the first time. He was quite tall, and she reckoned he was around her age. His hair was a dark brown, and very messy, as though on his “exploration” he had been dragged through at least two hedges backwards. She considered whether she could ask him if that was the case, but decided against it. He had gold rimmed round glasses that were slightly squinted on his face, and his hazel eyes had a mischievous glint to them.

“Wait- so are your parents muggles?” Lily was taken aback - was this strange boy now insulting her parents, after interrupting her one peaceful moment? 

“I’m sorry?”

“Uh, non-magical people.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” James’ eyes were wide.

“You don’t know about anything? Oh gosh, okay so… People like you and me, who can make stuff like that happen, like what you did with the daisy, they’re witches and wizards, magical people. People who can't, they’re muggles. The witches and wizards have a whole hidden world, and they’re all around the muggles, but they don't see anything.” Lily was in shock - who was this boy?

“Why are you telling me this? I don’t believe you. Why should I believe you?” She narrowed her eyes at him, skeptically.

“You’re telling me you’ve never seen something that your family didn’t or made something happen that is not explainable?” Lily thought back to when she’d seen a shop with bottles of weird substances and frogs in bowls, and cages of owls, but when she had pointed it out to Petunia and her parents they had simply looked at her in confusion, and brushed her off. Or the time she had jumped off the swing in her back garden and stayed in the air a little longer than what someone might consider “normal”.

“Well, maybe. But that doesn’t mean it's magic… Does it?” shaking her head in disbelief, Lily leaned her head against the tree trying to process the information, and contemplated James. She wasn’t quite sure whether to trust him or not. He seemed relatively pleasant, in a way she couldn't quite explain. His presence made her want to smile, and she was hooked on his words. But- that was just because he was saying such outrageous things wasn't it?

The two sat talking in that meadow until the crickets were buzzing around them and the light was almost gone. A small figure at the edge of Lily’s vision got steadily larger and larger until her sister was directly in front of her. “Lily! Mummy says you should have been home an hour ago!” Petunia was using the sing-song voice that she knew Lily couldn’t stand.

“I know Tuni, but i was just talking to- “ Lily looked beside her to where James had been sitting just seconds before, and he was gone. “Nevermind.”

She hauled herself up, her legs stiff from sitting in the same position for too long. She peered around, in the fading light, and saw a figure disappearing under a hedge at the edge of the meadow. So he had been dragged through a hedge backwards. Smiling, and shaking her head she followed Petunia back to her house, where she apologised to her parents about seven times before they let her go to her room to sleep. As she lay in the dark she contemplated all the day’s events. Was what James had been saying true? Was she really a witch? She didn’t know, but half of her hoped it was true, because the world the odd boy who came from nowhere was describing seemed incredible and free, and she so desperately wanted to explore it with him.

***

Over the next month, everyday Lily would go to the meadow and wait under the tree, and every day James would crawl under his hedge and run over to her, waving his arms like a madman. She would tease him, and they’d laugh, then spend the day talking, James telling Lily more about the curious new wizarding world, or Lily regaling him with tales of muggle behaviour or exploring the woodland, or racing to open the flower buds (Lily was better at this than James) and climb trees (James was better at this than Lily). They seemed to get along amazingly, and soon James was a better friend to Lily than anyone she’d ever known. When they had both gotten their letters from Hogwarts their families went to Diagon Alley together, and James dragged Lily in and out of all the shops, showing her the newest broomstick, and the best sweets to buy. 

On the 31st of August they had lain in the meadow, and Lily had voiced her fear, the one she had been mulling over in her mind for the past couple of weeks. “James?”

“Mm?” 

“What if nobody at Hogwarts likes me?” James propped himself up on one elbow and turned to look at her, eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, I don't have magical parents, so i don't know about all the things that everyone else does. What if they think I’m not good enough, and I have no friends?” James shook his head.

“That stuff doesn’t matter. You’ve already seen you’re better than me at most of it, and everyone is starting from scratch.” He looked more serious for a second. “Even if it did matter, I’d still be your friend, so you needn’t worry.” “You promise you won't forget me?” James sat up and held up his hand.

“I swear on my life I won’t forget you Lily Evans.” She giggled and sat up as well holding her hand high.

“And I won't forget you James Potter.” He flopped back onto the ground.

“Well, we don’t have to worry about being lonely then - we have each other, always.” Lily smiled, and closed her eyes, the cool end of summer breeze ticking her face and the sound of the grass blowing soothed her ears.

***

Over the next years Lily and James kept their promise. Every other evening they would sit together in the common room or the library, talking, doing homework, just enjoying one another’s company. And every August on the 31st both of them would lie in the same meadow where they met, sometimes in silence watching the sunset, or talking quietly about the year to come.  And, along with becoming very close friends, Lily sometimes suspected it could be something more. At the end of fifth year their teasing and joking had really hit a peak, and along with it came the joke”” flirting. Well, it had been joking at first. Then Lily started to realise that she might like James as more than a friend. 

She had tried to suppress those feelings as much as she possibly could, but it was difficult when she saw him every single day, joking and laughing with his perfect smile, and dimples (why the dimples?), and his hair that he was so obsessed with. Whenever she was around him she always made fun of him and his hair, joking that she’d charm it off when he was sleeping, but really? She couldn’t have done that if she’d tried. 

Sometimes, however, she got the feeling that James liked her back. Just little things, that were probably just best friend things (at this point she didn’t know the difference), like carrying her books, and waiting for her after lessons, but she had once or twice caught him looking at her with an expression that she couldn’t quite place. Whenever that had happened he’d pulled a goofy face and brushed it off with a joke, though, so she never had a chance to see more clearly.

***

Like just now, she could feel him staring at her, in that way, even with her eyes closed. They had spent so much time together that Lily often thought that they could manage perfectly fine even if they were silenced for the rest of time. She knew what all his little facial expressions and hand gestures meant, which was how she could so easily tell what he was trying to tell Sirius across the classroom (it was usually about a prank, but she generally ignored it).

The sun had almost set, and the crickets were humming contentedly. Suddenly James broke the comfortable silence they had been in for about twenty minutes.

“Hey, Lils?”

“Mm?” It felt weirdly familiar to their first time lying in this same spot, her confiding her fears in James.

“Do you think there really is gonna be a war?”

 Of course, the topic that was on everyone’s mind at the moment. The silent thoughts and whispered conversations she heard her friend’s parents talking about when she was staying with them. 

“I think that Minnie and Dumbledore think there will be.”

“Yes, I know that much. But do you?” James was looking at her like nothing but her opinion would matter on the topic. She sighed.

“As much as I’d love to keep denying it, the Death Eaters and You Know Who are only getting stronger. It’s inevitable at this point I reckon.” She sat up and looked at him, chin in her hand. “I’m scared though.” He also sat up, mirroring her position, and smiled sadly.

“We all are Lils.” She shook her head.

“I’m a muggle-born. They target people like me, and you know it James. You heard Severus, didn’t you, I’m a ‘filthy mudblood’.” James had a pained expression, as Lily blinked furiously to try and rid the stupid tears from her eyes. She felt his hand on her free one and met his eyes, surprised.

“Don’t, please,” he looked sincere, and she could see her reflection and his eyes, wide and clear, in his glasses. “You’re way more than that. Snape’s a prick - don’t believe a word he says.” He squeezed her hand, keeping it firmly in his.

“I know he is, but I’m sure everyone’s thinking it.” She looked down, embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m sure you don't want to hear all this.” “Shut up, Evans. Of course I wanna hear it. And you really think that I’d agree with Snivellus Snape on anything?” He looked genuinely hurt for a couple of seconds. She shook her head, fighting a smile and tears at the same time. “You know what I think of you?” She shrugged.

“You're the most amazing person I know. Genuinely.” He held her gaze, “ And i know some pretty incredible people. But you’re the best by far. I think I’d know after being around you constantly for seven years. 

You’re the smartest in the year, all the teachers love you, plus, you’re a fucking badass (like damn i did not realise you could throw such a good punch). You’re so kind and thoughtful and on top of that you’re freaking gorgeous. Poor Bellatrix and all her cronies are jealous, Lils, leave some good qualities for the rest of us.” James looked a little embarrassed at his outburst but he wasn’t making a joke out of it, which meant he was sincere. He looked into her eyes, and his hazel ones were shining, as though he was fighting off tears as well. On top of all that he still had her hand held tightly in his.

Lily blushed at the intensity of his stare, but didn’t pull her hand away. She realised she should probably have said something by now, so in absence of anything else she blurted out, “You think I’m gorgeous?” (Why had she said that? Such an idiot, shit.)

“Uh, well…” James was a little red, and ran his fingers through his hair, a sign of nervousness, Lily knew. “I mean, have you seen yourself?” She caught his eye, and smiled. 

“You’re not too bad either.”

“Oh, shut up.” James rolled his eyes.

“What?” 

“You can't joke about it anymore, okay - I… I forbid it.” He stuck his tongue out at her, in the way he had always done.

“Who says I’m joking?” James’s expression changed in an instant.

“You are, though, aren't you?”

She felt her cheeks redden. “Maybe, maybe not.” He frowned and raised a finger, mimicking Professor McGonagall in an almost scarily accurate way for someone who looked so little like her.

“Miss Evans, I demand you tell me whether you are madly in love with me or not.” She grinned, and lay back down on the grass, subtly pulling her hand away from his and wiping it on her jeans. Why was she nervous? It was just James - they did this all the time. Was she going to tell him the truth? Before she would have just brushed it off, and laughed that of course not, she’d rather marry a troll, but there was something about the moment that told her she should do otherwise.

“What if I am?” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. His eyes were wide, he looked rather taken aback by that statement. She smiled, sheepishly, barely able to meet his eyes all of a sudden. Why on earth was she saying all this? James was probably just messing around with her.

“Well, what if I am?” he sat back and raised himself up on an elbow to peer at her with the same mischievous glint in his eye. 

“I guess we wont know,” she mused, grinning at him, and shuffling closer, so their sides were touching.

“I guess not.” Lily stared up at the almost completely dark sky, the first star just becoming visible. She felt James take her hand, and she intertwined her fingers with his. 

Her life was full of uncertainties, but there was one thing she did know, and that was that she would stay true to her promise, the one she had made seven years ago. Lily Evans would never forget James Potter, or leave his side until the day she died.

#secret santa #jily

[molusca]

she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do? throw herself onto a pyre? is she not allowed to feel lousy that this whole thing blew up in her face? because she's an adult and she made a mistake, she's not allowed to be sad or stressed? she's still an imperfect human. apologizing immediately usually means people are still sensitive to their own hurt of being called out because it's fresh and on their mind so it tends to slip into their apology, but if she had waited any longer to compose herself, you guys would probably have an issue with how long she took. also, in aaaaaallll of this, I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic? I've read her fic and I personally can't see anything wrong, although I will admit that yes, I'm a white ciswoman but I'd like to think I'm aware of negative tropes. but the only thing touted is "it made an mlm uncomfortable" but HOW??? honestly, I want to know! if anything so I can avoid doing the same thing! how is anyone meant to learn when you're not bringing up these points as often as you're explicitly laying out the problems in her apology and whatnot. I've seen 6 posts about how shit the apology was and for why and I've not once seen the original comment detailing why the fic was problematic, and I've been looking on twit, tumblr, insta, and ao3. if it's been deleted, why isn't anyone stating again and again what's wrong? also, if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it. there's one artist that's pretty popular on Twitter and I personally really hate they way they draw klance but it's all over my tl. I respect that person's art style and creativeness and keep on moving. other people enjoy it, good for them. and if I start reading something and get surprised with something I dont like, I leave! find people who write things you like and stop engaging with creators who's things you don't like, as far as I know no one is holding a gun to your head making you read problematic fic. also for as much as you rag on her for the words she used to apologize, you don't seem to be considering your own words when offering criticism. if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully? lastly, no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way (like you should do when it come to kl content creators you don't like). people sending hate in Taylor's defense are in the wrong I agree, and this isn't hate its critism its a discussion, but Taylor isn't responsible for, how many people did you say? 16k on twit? even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense. I see so many younger fans expecting perfection in their fandoms and that just isn't going to happen. yes we should be striving to be better but no one is ever going to be perfect. not you, not me, not the mlm person, not Taylor, not anyone on any side of this argument. the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.- 🦛

she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do?

im pretty sure i said its good that she realizes she handled it poorly. but she makes the whole apology about this, doesnt directly talk about the issues and i know someone went to her to talk about it. also, it took her a day to say something about it so it wasnt exactly immediate (in the sense people had already stopped talking about it but that doesnt mean they werent still bothered). the apology was directed at mlm, and i havent seen one saying it felt genuine. of couse she can be hurt but when you apologize to a marginalized group the focus shouldnt be your feelings, but the feelings of the ones you have hurt.

I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic?

she admits to be projecting on lance. so she makes him very femine and keith very masculine. and ok, gay couples like that do exist, but she is a woman projecting in this situation so this bothers people. putting mlm in this position is a harmful steriotype, bc it feels very heterosexual. this is a trope, it unfortunately happens a lot and its harmful. women need to be aware of what they are representing when drawing/writing mlm because well, real mlm are going to see it, and no one likes to feel like a fetish to others. and its not our place to question if the criticism is right or wrong when we are not mlm, so if you read this and think “but thats not a problem thats not a fetish etc” well, its not your place to judge that. theres more to it and you probably could get a better answer from a mlm sorry.

if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it.

please, lets not compare a minority pointing out harmful tropes with. something fucking illegal.

as you said, you are a cis woman, of course its not going to hurt you in this case. but if people are making harmful content its not a simple matter of “dont interact with it” because they will still be promoting it, other people are going to read it, and media influences how we see minorities so of course people will not like when they see bad portrayal of them. also, tumblr sucks so even if you want to just “dont interact with it” its hard because even after blocking you can still cross the content of someone. not sure how it works on twitter but anyway this discussion started on tumblr and tumblr doesnt stop people who were bothered by her to avoid her by blocking.

if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully?

i think she deleted the ask by now, but i dont remember the ask being hateful. i remember someone asking if she was a fujoshi, and another person mentioned that mlm didnt like the way she portrayals klance. i dont remember it being hateful. but again, she apologized for handling it badly. its just that she stops there.

no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way

ignoring world issues is a privilege. if someone is able to turn off from all the problems in the world, its a privilige. yes no one should talk aobut it all the time thats not even healthy, but to never talk about it is a privilege. thats what black people are saying, they cant just turn off from racism, so yes they are going to expect white people to do something. online honestly i cant do shit, i dont think anything i reblog here does a difference and i do what i can in my own country, but she has a plataform that could help bring awareness. again, its a privilege to be able to curate your social media to be a perfect happy place.

even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense.

maybe they wouldnt, but if people were doing this type of thing in my name, in my defense, i would at least say something about it idk. she cant control them but she makes nothing to show that she disagrees or look for the people being harassed to say something about it.

the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.

when it comes to simple things like “i prefer taller lance and i dont like taller keith” yeah, its fine to ignore people who draw taller keith and move on with your life or something like that. but we are talking about mlm, a real group of people, being upset for being portrayed in a harmful and steriotype way. its everywhere in fandom, and in real life. they cant escape from real life, and then they come to fandom where everyone wants some escapism and have to deal with more issues. its tiring

#well. good morning #anon

[deadandphilgames]

ughhh allie im so sry for dumping this on you (feel free to delete or ignore or whatever. also tw for terfs and transphobia etc) i rlly just want to scream about this and i have no friends so 😘✌ hi

SO i somehow just ended up doomscrolling on some terf's blog and i just feel. so icky. they were talking about abigail philosophytube and doing their terfy thing and since that was the reason i was on their blog in the first place (to block and report them for it... although im not sure if tumblr takes those reports seriously, which makes me wanna hurl tbh i hate it here) but then they mentioned dan's name and like. i know dan is a cis dude and barely on tumblr but my heart still fuckin dropped. i dont know a lot about abigail (ill still get pissed at terfs on her behalf though lol) but dan is so close to my heart and i just ,, ..???? hate knowing these radfem freaks can perceive him???

and THEN there was someone talking about crypto..?? cryptoterfs? which i think is their term for when someone is pro trans rights on main (read: normal) but has a terf sideblog or whatever. it just makes me sick to my stomach because (and this isnt an accusation of anyone, just paranoia) there could be phannies who are terfs?? who have interacted with me? bruh im spiraling 😭 and im a lesbian (which is a label that is VERY important to me. loving women is a keystone of my identity) and so many of these terfs make it seem like being a lesbian and being a terf go inevitably hand in hand. it's sickening and im pissed and very uncomfortable. woohoo :-) anyway if there are any terfs hiding in the phandom i hope they drop dead ( jk unless...? )

again im so so sorry for ranting in ur askbox i love u miss deadandphilgames 🖤

firstly hi <3 i love you too and you do have friends (me). but yeah i have also fallen victim to doomscrolling through terf blogs when i notice someone marked red on my blog and i go to block them, it always makes me feel horrified reading the disgusting posts they make. (side note: if you havent already i recommend checking out disrespect-terf-juice because they have instructions on how to mass block terfs) 

i have never seen terfs talk about dan but im not surprised since hes so outspoken about transrights, i love abigail tho so if i see anyone being transphobic i will instantly block and report them to shinigami eyes. i am a lesbian too and being a terf is definitely not the same thing as being a lesbian, it makes me extremely mad when terfs imply that being a lesbian means youre anti-trans because fuck right off with that

if anyone following me is a crypoterf/transphobic then fuck off and unfollow me, i dont want anything to do with you. my blog is trans-inclusive and always will be

#tw transphobia #tw terfs #tw negativity #im not the most educated person to speak about terfs but i know exactly how you feel in regards to this ask #also i have seen some transphobia lately on phannie tumblr and its disgusting #literally anyone who is not pro-transrights unfollow me #anonymous #asks

[seaquestions]

u know what makes me so uncomfortable abt the rid15 fandom. like strongarm and sideswipe are in canon described as teenagers by bumblebee, and yet theyre shipped with bots that are clearly adults.... ive seen so much sideswipe/jazz and strongarm/windblade (idw strongblade is fine and i like it dgmw) and i just!! aaa!!! everyone wants to conveniently forget these two are canon teenagers and portrayed as teenagers for the sake of shipping and it skeeves me the hell out!!!!

oh hrm.. thats not great (#｀-_ゝ-) i havent really interacted w/ the fandom, considering i’ve just started watching it two days ago, but it wouldn’t really surprise me if people conveniently forget about the two of them being teenagers for the sake of shipping, cause that’s not exactly the most uncommon phenomenon. the side of the fans i’ve seen so far mostly ship grimlock & bumblebee or steeljaw & thunderhoof tho.

(as an aside, i’m tagging all of these posts with #ridscourse, btw, if there’s anyone who’s tired of seeing it. i know this show is 5 years old, haha)

#asks #ridscourse #they are teens canonically and its why i'm actually pretty lenient on them #bumblebee on the other hand... i don't much care for. #Anonymous

[survivor-mesopotamia]

Ep. #4 - “I’m extending a bridge to you” (Zach)

There is zero upside to being captain. If captains are swapped, then I'm basically screwed, and if they pick, then I have to reveal my allegiances to people still in the game. I absolutely do not want to be captain. I'm not crazy about Zach being it either, I'd prefer it to be someone like Kyle or Grace, but if Zach is going to push for it we will see what happens

https://youtu.be/9jTSUqwcuPU Confessional 7 (Round 3 #2)

Voting out Chrissa was probably one of the hardest votes I've ever had to encountered, and it honestly really hurts. For me, voting her out was the best strategically because we talked the least. And by the time tribal started, I ended up in alliances of 3 with Will & Megan and JJ & Julian respectively. Given the ranking system, we are all expecting some sort of tribe swap, which might be best for my game so long as I have someone else on my tribe with me. However, JJ recently got into a lot of trouble. Stuff about sending nudes because he "perceived there to be consent". Yikes. Apparently other people know about it too, which makes sense because this call happened in tengaged about it. We are thinking he might be removed, but we don't know what's to happen yet. I think most of us are running under the assumption that he'd be voted out next tribal should he not be removed. It's pretty gross what he did, and I definitely won't be aligned with him any longer. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTzwD-rR8Ws&feature=youtu.be

I am happy JJ is out of the game, both because he deserves it based on his behavior and because one less number. The tribe challenge has me worried. I hope it is a challenge with Zach representing us, because he is good and it also keeps him a bigger target than me. If it's a swap, I'm very nervous and will probably have to paint myself as being on the outs if I end up in a minority, which would almost certainly happen relative to the other two tribes. No matter what, the backstabbing is probably going to start very soon, so buckle your seatbelts everyone.

Confessional 9: https://youtu.be/WhBt-uWOdEA Confessional 10: https://youtu.be/1ZbVWE-2AqM

volunteering for the summit bc im bored and wanna just be a bit risky. i feel like if a twist gets leashed upon me, it'll be surface level. Praying for the best!

Tribe Summit - https://youtu.be/46NdXf1N37U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeX4PKTjQlw&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/96RCT99DDWI Confessional #8 (Round 4 Confessional #1) Contents: JJ's removal, the summit, Kyle's removal, new tribe.

Holy shit so we've had a tribe swap and two removals. Both kinda shocking and completely out of the blue what had happened. Oddly still not the craziest thing I've seen done on either end of org playing but still. So far with the new tribe I feel I got the good end of the stick with zach and Collin and myself staying together for the most part kinda wish we had all stayed together because of you know being out numbered by returning players there's the enitial Holy shit fuck I'm screwed feeling but so far the tribe seems pretty cool. Which is odd and weird from what I've heard for Tumblr games from my understanding they're the more cutthroat game but so far everything has kinda been predictable in placements just as an outsider looking in but ya know. So far I'm really enjoying Abby she seems pretty cool and like I could work with her for a while but yeah that's all for now

post swap BIG boy confessional https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyooK5AHp1Y&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/6IrXzJm6qNk

---

https://youtu.be/MoJSBeUUdWQ

https://youtu.be/CSKB4qzvWU0 Group Confessional #1 Catching up on Each other's games and preparing for what the swap has in store for us

Uhm hi so a lot has happened and I'm sorry I didn't do confessionals before describing it all but yah -Not sure if I did a conf for the last round but basically the challenge was more flash games (yay fml) and my tribe flopped yet again (yay) -We decided to vote out chrissa unan but chrissa apparently voted for me so that was cute, already breaking my goal of not getting votes so early THANKS CHRISSA -Then JJ got removed from the game for sexually harassing ppl which is NOT COOl but then my tribe was down to four members and thats just sad luv -Then there was a random ass ranking for this summit thing and i was like wtf i dont know but I kinda figured id be getting voted as the team captain for my tribe which like eeeek could potentially put a target on my back but also i like these people and i think they like me so i'll just accept it -turns out the other tribe captains voted in were Johnny and Zach and I was like well thats cute tbh i think i like both of them (i have been on zoom calls in friend groups with zachary lately and although he is pretty quiet he seems like a nice person) (and i think i know johnny from a sequester mini before and hes a brother of aepi which is basically the partner fraternity to the sorority i was in called aephi and so were basically connected by greek life blood because hes a pi and im a phi and yas Jews -Okay anyway i volunteer to not be a tribe captain because 1. i didnt want the blood on my hands for picking a tribe (memories of svalbard ahhhh) and 2. i wanted to be on johnny's tribe hehehehe. so i did that and then i let johnny pick first and guess what!! he picked me first on his tribe!! even before anyone from his og tribe!! i thought that was weird but really cool -the new tribe seemed pretty cool and chill and i thought i was digging everyone BUT THEN kyle makes fucking COMMENTS ABOUT JEW STEREOTYPES and i was like SIR and i kinda missed everything in the heat of the moment but basically kyle got removed and im not surprised he did because to my knowledge, i already know of three fkn jews on our tribe (benji me and johnny) and we have a jew host so like why kyle would make comments like that is beyond me but WHY DO I KEEP GETTING PUT ON TRIBES WITH CRAZY PPL -anyway right now i adore johnny and i want to work with him i feel like he and i vibe so well together and we are already planning on making a stoner alliance with abi and jay from his OG tribe lmfaooo -i also like grace and julian on my tribe and benji so far is really cool and isabelle is a sweetheart so i really just hope we dont lose the next challenge and have to vote someone out because i like these people so far and i wanna get to know them more -this has been a really mentally difficult week both in game and in real life and im sorry i havent been doing more confessionals but ive really just needed a huge break due to everything thats been going on 

I've locked in a five person alliance with original An (Johnny Isabelle and Benji), plus Adam. Johnny I'm connected to with Trace, Isabelle and I somehow both go to Georgetown, and I like speaking with Benji. I don't know how this alliance interacts with original alliance, that's future me's problem, but I really like this group

---

If Megan “may have accidentally” found out information from the other tribe, then I “may have accidentally” decided to shift the target onto her. Somebody not purely abiding by the rules of the game is somebody I won’t completely trust

So JJ and Kyle both got removed. OOP!!! Now to figure out how messy this game is gonna be. Will Will and I be able to play middle for our first tribal and get to choose between returnees and newbies? hopefully. More on that scoop later! 

https://youtu.be/vGd9Ik49CmU Confessional #10 (Round 4 Confessional #3)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stpzz7-cKUg

Confessional 11: https://youtu.be/ad2R99H1g1k

https://youtu.be/PjodrB6CgLo

---

https://youtu.be/y0n7YKB0EF0

NOOOOOOO HOW COULD WE OF LOST we had everything planned i do feel kinda safe I've talked to abby mostly and i think i have a girls alliance in the works with her but for now being the only two female identifying people on the tribe. We have to pull in some boys but we've got our old tribe mates which lucky for me is my main alliance from that tribe not having Michael is a big yay because love him but pretty sure he was planning on flipping on us to work with some people from the an tribe but ya know it is what it is and hopefully this is the only trival Council we have to go to and hopefully from the sounds of it it's Eric going home so hopefully that's the case and i don't end up voinv home because FYCUCJUCK THAT SHIT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9YueU_paNg&feature=youtu.be

---

Of the players left on my tribe, I think Megan is the biggest threat to my game, with many cross-tribe ties. Last night, I began laying the groundwork with Johnny of eventually making her the target, without expressly stating my desire to vote her out. We'll see how this plays out, but I want Megan out first

---

From the other tribe, I badly want an original An to go. It takes away an option from the Ans on my swap tribe and locks them in more with me, while preserving my options. On the flip side, a Triforce member going is the worst case scenario for the exact same reason as above, this time benefiting original An. Original Enlil going is fairly neutral

https://youtu.be/7IpJ1SC2ah8

So we lost :( It really sucks bc i put more effort into my lip sync than I think I ever have before. And of course with losing comes tribal, the first tribal for some people on my new tribe. I don't think I've done a confessional since we swapped so I'll just run down how I feel about everyone. Monty/Abby - Just gonna bunch these two together since they were on my original tribe. While they weren't in my alliance, I bonded with them like I bonded with everyone on An. We made an alliance immediately at Ea and I feel real good about facing this swap with them. Part of me does worry they knew about that original alliance and they'll throw me under the bus though. Will - Okay so I was completely blindsided by the fact that I already knew Will before the game! We played at least 1 ORG together and I remember him a little bit from just being in the community. I feel like I've really hit it off with him again and working with him feels natural. He was the first one who threw Cameron out as a vote to me last night and a lot of people really latched onto that plan. So he's definitely charismatic and influential. Eric - I've known Eric for quite some time actually. He's someone who's very easy for me to trust. Like I really hope I'm not getting the wrong read on him but he just feels honest in our conversations. He did kinda suck in the music video challenge tho LOL so I feel like he could be in danger if we go to tribal again. Cameron - They're who I'm voting out tonight. I've had no contact with them outside of the tribe chat at all. And our interactions in the tribe chat I just feel...idk like every time I talk they give me some snide remark. Zach even told me that Cameron barely spoke to him and Collin on their original tribe. So it just feels easy, if a bit TOO easy, like I'm scared it's secretly me somehow. So I guess the upside to anxiety is you never get blindsided cuz you always think it's you. Zach - I've been talking to him more often these last few days and he is wayyy smarter than most 15 year olds I've interacted with. He knew it was Cameron immediately when I started talking to him about the vote (Though I suspect it's because Will told him). He's told me more info about his original tribe than I really thought I'd get out of him. He's basically telling me that it was Zach/Collin/Kyle vs. Cameron/The rest of the newbies. So like it makes sense that he's willing to just let Cameron go. However this situation is worrying because Zach's position is almost EXACTLY my position in a game I played very recently (703 San Andres). I've seen firsthand how a competent duo in the minority can upset the majority if just one person in that majority makes a mistake. So I'm not gonna promise Zach anything just yet, I don't want him to sell me out. But I would like to see him stick around even if we lose another time. Collin - Okay I REALLY like Collin. He's super nice, he basically compliments me every time I talk to him. Which is nice, but I know he's playing that social game. And he's playing it WELL. I think if all goes well at tribal, then I'm gonna talk to Collin about really working together going forward. Basically my overarching plan on this tribe has been to make sure that if my name comes up, there will always be someone to shut it down. And I really feel like Collin, Monty, and Eric would especially keep me safe. 

Cameron left.......it sucks, because it takes away my options, but among the Enki's it is the least bad scenario, since I was closer with Collin and Zach. I don't hold it against them for voting against Cameron, do what you gotta do, but I am nervous for them. I'm not throwing any challenges or anything, but I hope they survive, and I'm less nervous about myself losing than them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kWts3h2n9s

hi hi hi so far so good on the Ea tribe! i dont think anyone know about zach and i so we're remaining in the clear hehe (he has been a little difficult to corral tho) i feel like im making good connections so far so hopefully ill remain utr and if we go back to tribal i wont be a target, and if we dont i hope the other tribe takes out a big target for us

Have I mentioned that I love winning? It's just so great that nobody knows me and Monty are working together and we're subtly pulling the strings - Jay thinks he came up with Cameron's name, great he's the mastermind now and we can target him. Collin and Zach want to form a four with me and Eric - great, that keeps me and Monty apart so nobody will know and we can still vote separately. Eric's an easy target for everyone so we (Monty) just get the other returnees to target him (if we lose again) and then I can use that to flip Eric on Abby or Jay and it's just... so delicious. It's so easy to take everyone out one by one when nobody knows that you have a solid F2 already.

https://youtu.be/CVG2Z_-XjBM from this past round

https://youtu.be/yMGLsGhv6wc Confessional 12

https://youtu.be/ylahV3wyXrs

Cameron voted out 7-1

#nomorethings

[eccentriccowboy]

Couples are annoying. It’s what they do best.

Synopsis: Luke and you are in a healthy, loving, relationship that devote their time to annoying others.

Warnings: Just that kind of “perfect relationship” stuff that’s borderline cringey but also makes you want to shed tears bc you want a relationship like that. And swearing.

^not my gif. thanks gif person. 

“Hey babe, have you seen my phone?” Luke called out to you, searching through the dressing room.

“No, honey,” you look up from your seat on the couch to your boyfriend. “Have you checked your bag yet, darling?”

Luke shuffled through his backpack, once, then twice, before saying, “Yea, it wasn’t in there, baby.”

“You sure? I’m sure I saw it there earlier. Did you check the front pocket, dear?”

Before Luke could answer, there was an audible groan from the corner of the room. Michael covers his face with his hands, his head thrown back as he grumbles.

“Can you two cut it out?” he asks, obviously annoyed.

“What is it?” you ask, confused as to what you had done.

“The pet names. Oh my god, I can’t deal with it any more, you two are so annoying,” Michael complains.

“What do you mean?” Luke questions defensively.

“I mean that if I hear one more ‘babe’ or ‘dear’ I’m gonna murder both of you,” Michael exclaims.

“I didn’t think we did it that often,” you say, scratching your head and trying to recall the many times you used a nickname for Luke. You guess you just got into the habit of it and didn’t notice.

“Oh, trust me. You do,” Michael sighs.

“Is it really that bad?” you asked.

“Trust me. It is.” Michael says, clearly becoming more and more done with this conversation.

“Do you really have to murder us if we do it?” You asked quietly.

“Trust me. I do.”

“Hey, can you pass me my phone charger, uh, Luke?” You questioned, catching on and stopping yourself from calling him ‘honey’.

“Here it is, babe,” he tossed the cord across from the desk he was seated at in the hotel room to you.

“Don’t do that,” you muttered.

“Do what, dear?” 

“That. Dear. Michael got mad at us. He thinks we’re annoying,” you stated simply, even though part of it pulled on your heart in a weird way you couldn’t explain.

“So? It’s not like he can control our lives,” Luke shrugged, surprised you were taking what his friend had said so to heart.

“But if we do it he’ll apparently murder both of us in an alley,” you repeated what Michael had threatened you and Luke with.

Luke laughed at your seriousness, “Well he never said in an alley,” he pointed out, standing up to sit on the bed with you. “And either way, when did we start giving a shit about what Michael asks us to do?”

“I dunno. I just don’t wanna upset anyone,” you say indifferently, even though this hurt a lot more than it should. “Or get murdered,” you added, trying to lighten the mood.

Luke laughed, before saying, “you’re not upsetting anyone, babe. It’s just Michael being a dick, who knows why.”

“But still if he doesn’t like it” you persisted.

“If he doesn’t like it then fuck him. He can’t weigh in on our relationship. No one can,” Luke argues firmly.

Finally it clicks for you both, why this hurts more than it should. What Michael said is just a softer version of the comments you would read on your Instagram posts with Luke, or vice versa. The constant nagging and insults from outsiders, people who aren’t even in the relationship, yet believe they know what’s best for both of you. 

Luke and you have made an effort to ignore what people have said, but sometimes it’s hard to. But you two love each other too much to listen to them, and that’s what’s important.

“And if he thinks that was bad, I think we gotta show him just how annoying we can be,” Luke states.

It was an hour before their next show, and Luke was waiting for you to enter the dressing room. You guys had devised a plan, okay, it wasn’t a plan, but it surely was a form of vengeance.

Once you entered, Luke immediately yelled “HEY THERE,” he paused for dramatic effect, “PUMPKIN.”

You held back your giggles before replying “Hi,” a pause to emphasize your next words “Honeybums,”

Michael, who had previously been trying to take a nap calmly had opened his eyes to the ruckus being made.  

“Whatcha doin’, sugarkins?” Luke questioned, coming up with the grossest, most extra pet name he could. 

“Nothin much, how bout you, my sweet cinnamon bun?” you asked, cringing at your own words, topping Luke’s pet name. You reached over to squeeze his cheeks to continue with this over-the-top acting.

Michael closed his eyes again, trying to stay calm during this interaction.

“Oh, just thinking of you; my other half, my true love, my soul mate, my heart’s desire,” Luke went on, stifling a laugh as he observed Michael’s slow descent into madness. Michael had turned around on the couch, covering his ears with his pillow, although it did nothing to block out what you said next.

“Have I ever told you, you, my kindred spirit,” a loud laugh escaped Luke’s mouth at your words, “are the Romeo to my Juliet?”

Luke cleaned up his act, stopping himself from laughing more, before continuing what you had been saying.

“The Sherlock to my Watson?”

“The lightning to my thunder?” 

“The salt to my pepper?”

“The peanut butter to my jelly?”

The list continued, Michael becoming more and more aggravated with each one. 

“Oh, my sweet prince, you mean so much more to me that that,” you said, dramatically reaching to stroke his cheek, looking into his eyes before completely losing it.

Luke’s head fell back, his chest rising and falling quickly as he roared cries of laughter. You fell onto the couch next to him, your feet giving out under you as your whole body was swept up with so much emotion.

Michael had reached the limit, no longer being able to take all of this crappy acting and yelling coming from you two. He stood up quickly before yelling out the dressing room door, “CALUM! GRAB THE KNIFE!”

IM A NEW WRITER FEEDBACK IS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT. ALSO I HAVENT GONE THROUGH FOR ERRORS SO EXCUSE ANY OF THOSE.

#this took so long #if theres one thing im good at it's procrastinating #anywho #someone gimme feedback #i kinda dont like the ending #so someone tell me if its good #does it make sense? #knife as in hes gonna murder them #except he wont #bc michaels a sweetheart #5sos #5sos3 #youngblood #luke hemmings #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings imagine #5 seconds of summer #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #luke 5sos #luke hemmings smut #my writing

[bangtanata-blog]

Misha’s 100+ followers’ follow forever thing ft. Gudetama, a lazy ass 2 min edit done with shaking hands, suggested by Jenny and actually done after a pep talk with Heena.

I can’t really talk about how happy I’ve become after knowing about BTS and actually becoming their fan, bc some of their songs do... help, in a way. Like, 21st Century Girls, So Far Away, 4 O’Clock, Miss Right, etc--they have.... helped me, in going through some days. I just had a bad week, month, whatever, and I was a bit stupid today bc I researched some stuff that probably shouldn’t be researched... So I thought that maybe doing a positive thing will help today after hours of listening to music proven unsuccessful.

So... here it is, a list of people, both mutuals and non-mutuals. I’m sorry if my mention annoys you or bothers you, especially if we’re not mutuals. But I just want to let you know that by making these mentions, I wanna voice out how your presence in my dash actually help me a whole lot, and that is why I’m still upset that Indonesia has tumblr blocked.

bold - mutuals / normal - non mutuals / the list is not in alphabetical orders. i will mention mutuals first. / all mentioned people have something written for them. i’m sorry if some are too long or too short. jsyk i love you all.

@clairelions​ 💜 chiara 💜 thank you for following me back that day, it made me scream internally and eternally; i was really happy when i found out about it. i really look up to you! not only bc you’re older, but you’re also nice and sweet, not to mention polite, and i really aspire to be as kind as you someday. sometimes i still laugh at my mistake in sending that anon message without clicking the anon button, but it’s really sweet over how you take it so calmly and even still accepts my anonymous messages when you know that it’s me. i love your edits, i love your jikook aus, your hogwarts aus (the hogwarts aus have a special place in my heart... i haven’t forgotten that i want to write a fic for it someday!) and many others. i hope your redbubble stuffs get more purchases, and that you’ll have a great day, don’t forget to stay healthy and hydrated. ilu 💜

@yoonkia​ - So, this is the nice thing I was talking about. I like making people happy, so this is okay, I guess. The gudetama was made in a spur of moment and tbh Gudetama is a Huge Mood but anyway, thank you so much for messaging me. I didn’t think anyone would, and I didn’t even know why I made that post. I only realized I was shaking when I saw your message, thank you. (Also, I’m more eloquent now. This is actually how I talk usually!! dhklslshd i’m sorry you had to see that strange me). I actually really like seeing you on my dash, and I’m??? always happy to know we’re mutuals even tho we barely talked dshjkfjd I hope that we can talk more;; you need to know that i’m usually funny //hEH. again, thank you 💜

@jvnckles - jENNY HAHAHAHAHA I DIDNT END UP USING MY SKETCH OF TAEHYUNG IM SORRY BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE THE GUDETAMA ANYWAY WWWW 💜 Jenny jenny jenny ilu it’s such a happy coincidence when i saw you on Fahreen’s blog and when I found out you’re Indonesian I just have to follow you bc!!!! aaaa!!!! I don’t regret it one bit you’re such an angel and ilu and dont let mean pouty anons get in your way, you’re amazing and lovely and you deserve a lot of good things in this world hun 💜 i wish you the best of luck with the upcoming college days lmao i hope you dont suffer like i do 💜💜 ilu nak stay strong yah wwww

@jungcock - miaAAAAaaaa we don’t talk much but youre!! such!! a blessing!! in my dash your tags are funny your text posts are funny and your fic is great ilu even tho im worried about your health bc you’re high sometimes when i see you on my dash (it’s mostlikely a culture shock-- since we don’t really get high here. it’s basically illegal anyway) but you do you, buddy, just stay healthy and safe ok?? your writing gets me motivated to do some actual writing myself lmao i hope my weakass self can actually update something soon. ilu 💜

@kookieholic - i dont see u a lot in my dash... it’s probably a timezone thing :c but you’re a sweet sweet person and ilu and thank you for existing i hope we can be friends someday 💜

@cyphertaehyungie / @kikiwho - !!!!!! i’m still amazed that you’re... following me, tbh. I love your edits, i love your posts, you sound like such a sweet person and hdsshk yeHA thank you! 💜

@hosehok - 💜💜💜 We havent talked in a few but I always get pleasantly surprised whenever I see you back on my dash. Thank you for existing, I love you.

@kimtaehyungl - You’re a constant presence in my dash; it would seem weird for me if you’re suddenly not there, tbh. I love your posts, I love your contents and your tags and honestly thank you for brightening my day, every day 💜

@taegayhyung - I don’t see you a lot too :c A timezone thing? Mostlikely. I’m sorry we never really talk, but I’m sure you’re a gr8 person 💜

@faenam - I screamed when you followed me back, still scream when I see you on my dash. You’re so... chill sometimes and actually cool but also you’re??/ cute? I don’t know how to say this properly? Am I being creepy??? dhslsgjdks anYWAY thank you for being on my dash, I love you and your contents and I hope we can be friends 💜

@taehyungtrsh - bABY (i dont know why I said that, but oh well?) thank you for following me back and thank you for interacting with me whenever we’re able to! I’m too shy to really send anything else other than asks but you’re honestly very kind and fun and just!!! thank you, you made me feel at home and at ease when I first started this blog and you made me feel like I’ve made friends in this fandom. Thank you 💜

@hobisuki - 💜💜💜 First of all, I wish you the best of luck in your upcoming college years. I’m sure that whatever path you choose you can find something good out of it and that you’ll flourish; it’s okay even if it’s not your first choice, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost your path to a bright future. There are other pathways you can take and it’ll lead you there nevertheless. Tbh wow I can quote something from So Far Away right about now lmao but yeHA goodluck bb i’m sure you can do it!! Thank you for following me and thank you for brightening my dash, ilu 💜

NON-MUTUALS MENTION START HERE

@booptaegi - Hello! First of all, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything; I just want to tell you that I love seeing you on my dash, your contents make me smile and sometimes your tags make me laugh. I love.. the taegi contents..... (I just love all ot7 dynamics but dsjkhd shhhh ilu) I hope that you’ll have an amazing day today; please don’t forget to stay healthy and hydrated, don’t forget to eat! 💜

@jhsmixtape - Hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything, but I just want to let you know that sometimes i come in the form of an anon I love seeing you on my dash. You’re funny and your interactions with your mutuals and anons make me laugh everytime! Your tags and your text posts and others are so funny as well, so thank you, thank you, for making me laugh 💜

@yoonseok - hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything, but I just want to let you know that I love seeing you on my dash. Your gifs and contents are top notch, and you’re actually nice and p relatable dsjkdfj I’ve seen some mean anons bothering you before, and I want to tell you that whatever they may say about you, please know that I do appreciate you and like seeing you on my dash, and that although you seem awkward and super blunt, you’re actually p sweet :’) Please don’t let the anons drag you down. You’re a kind person and you deserve many good things. Please don’t forget to eat healthy and stay hydrated (as a side note though... make sure never to take too much water again :’D), I hope you’ll have an amazing day!

@jimiyoong - Hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothers you! I want to let you know that you’re a sweet sweet person esp whenever I see your interactions with the anons, how patient and mature you are, etc. I love seeing you on my dash, and as I mentioned above, your presence actually makes me happy sometimes. Thank you 💜 I hope you’ll have a nice day, please don’t forget to stay hydrated!

@vanillalattaes - 💜💜💜💜 Okay you probably already know who I am thanks to my name HJDSGHKSJD aNYWAY yeah I can’t believe this is the Grand Reveal but hey at least it’s not a stray message like how it happened with Chiara dhsklsk Hello, it’s me, Cappuccino, and no pressure over finally knowing who I am (as in you don’t have to follow me back if you don’t want to!!!!). I’m sorry if this mention bothers you, but I just wanna let you know that I’m really really happy to have you as my friend, Fahreen. I can’t stress this enough, I’m so happy to see you on my dash, mostly it’s bc I know then that you’re healthy and safe 💜Thank you for listening to my rants whether that one time on the rabbit site or through the anonymous messages. You’re a genuinely kind person and I’m happy to have you as my friend 💜 You make me happy and feel loved and honestly you’re one of the reasons why I’m so content in staying in this bts blog and in this fandom overall. I love that we both love spicy foods, I love that we can bond over cake. You’re a sweet, sweet person and I hope that you’ll have a nice day. Please don’t forget to eat and stay hydrated! Thank you Fahreen, you’re appreciated!!!

#follow forever #as in: misha ranting about her love for everybody #misha rambles

[jeongjaebae]

before i reply to anything... favorite song off the new cb ? hm, i feel like a lot of idols' personalities are mysterious.. most likely bc we dont know them irl lol.

kingdom in general ? while i dont like how the competition basically turned into a popularity contest, i just loved the interactions as im a fan/casual listener of all of the groups ! my favorite performances in kd would probably be o sole mio, blue moon and a few others ! what are your thoughts on kingdom ? but if im going to be honest, i think my specific oh moment was when i heard jacob's rap in kmiyc ! (but it was near when kd was airing) YOUR EX CRUSH LOOKS LIKE WHO ??? that person must be really good looking then.. gosh we would be here all day if i list groups i'm/used to be a fan of. but a short list would be skz, nct, & txt ! i listen to a lot of other groups too ! as for concepts, im into more of a darker concepts ! i'm not too knowledgable in the music genre so i dont know names and such, but i can list some songs i really like if you want !

and fake dating seems so much fun ! although i think i would be really flustered if someone gives me any type of affection LOL. tbh, ive always wanted to experience boy-next-door type of stuff ? but i also like to experience any type of magical realism ! and actually, i am ! although, i havent written anything in a while. @-@ at this point i just write for myself now lol. oh ! and when did you start listening to kpop ? who was the first artist you listened to? -🐿

NIGHTMARES!!!!!! 😍😍😍 wbu? omg if you like dark concepts does that mean you like this one too?!?! i can only trust younghoon and changmin who picked this as their fave LMAO

ooh i also really loved blue moon! but my fave has got to be ateez's wonderland perf 😍 it's my fave ateez song and they gave us a movie level performance!! and yeah i didn't like how kingdom became a popularity contest... i went to watch rtk right after kingdom ended and was surprised at how much better it was. group interactions, voting/judging fairness, and also just more creative stages in general?

omg kiss me if you can is SO GOOD!!! wait i gotta listen it again bc JACOB RAPS IN IT??? will have to pay attention more 😅 oooh i've also been into skz and nct at some point, not txt yet but their recent album was amazing!!! what's ur fave nct unit? are you excited for NOEASY?!?!?! the teasers are sounding very promising ✨ AND YAY we got another dark concept stan!!! 😍 i pretty much keep up with all the new releases so yeahh listen to a bit of everything too. but omg what's your personal soty / ur fave songs from this year?

ooh boy next door already sounds so sweet and magical realism would deffs be fun!! and yesss writing for yourself is always the best way to go 💓 i always tell myself that as long as i'm writing something my future self will enjoy reading, then there's no reason to need validation from anyone else. but anyway if you do ever decide to post anything LINK ME!!! omg i got into kpop in 2011............ so pretty much seen it all ahaha. the first group i stanned was bigbang but i've jumped around quite a bit over the years to btob, exo, bts, then was kinda lost until tbz haha. what about you? what was the song that got you into kpop? and omg are you gonna attend changmin and hyunjae's dance class LMAOOO i'm so tempted 😂

#🐿️ anon #hope ur doing well!!! <3 #if u bought the album i'm praying u pull ur bias!! #ask

[valeriemperez]

Tati, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to answer my questions and discuss one of my favorite tv shows and couples. I appreciate you. I noticed that you posted some gif sets from This Is Us, another great tv show, with great couples. I go through a range of emotions watching that show. They know how to get to my heartstrings. I think I’ve cried, at some point during every episode. What a beautiful story and family. It helps me endure some of the craziness in this 🌎

Awww, you’re welcome. And I’m glad to hear This Is Us warms the cockles of your heart! It’s definitely a good show, though it makes me very emotional at times.

(1) I have been playing around with the idea that Dawn only came back to see her parents marry. What if Dawn grew up hearing from both her parents about their wedding day. What if the original timeline wedding went without a hitch and the only thing that happened was Barry forgot to say I do. I could see Barry and Iris telling their children details of their wedding day. Dawn, probably thought a little time travel to see them marry would be okay. Plus, she was way too excited to see them marry.(2) the way Dawn interacted with Barry and how she touched him displayed a sense of familiarity. I think she had touched her father that way many times especially if she wanted him to calm down and not freak out. I think that Barry and Iris raised her together. My sister said a theory on some site was pointed out Thawne questioning why n*z* Kara and Oliver moved ahead of schedule. Makes you wonder if Thawne has his hands in playing with the timeline. Can’t see Dawn excited over watching her (3) parents not marry. Dawn came because in her time, WA got married with no interruption.

That’s a  pretty good theory, and would be a way of playing with time travel the way S1 did instead of going overboard like S3. The only question is how big the ripple effect would be, because if they include it then it must be for a reason other than a cool fact.

I was in a store today and I heard the song from 1x01, when Barry goes to Jitters to see Iris after his coma. Can you believe how far we’ve come? Four years ago we were fighting to make sure Iris doesn’t get erased from her own story, and now she’s team leader and married to Barry. I know we havent gotten everything we’ve wanted, and we should always demand better from these writers, especially because they clearly listen to us (½).I doubt we would’ve gotten any of what we have if we weren’t so vocal. But at the same time, I can’t help but appreciate how much we’ve gotten compared to what most black women get on TV. Not only do we have a female lead who has gotten more, not less, active in the storyline over time, we have an amazing actress, and human being, who makes it easy to be a fan, and one of the healthiest, sweetest TV relationships I’ve ever seen that is easy to defend. We’re pretty lucky (2/2).

Aww, this is such a sweet ask. You’re right, we should be proud of ourselves but also not get complacent. And Candice really does make it easy to be her fan!

Who knew Westallen’s first love scene was going to be a conjugal visit in Iron Heights? Twist! Gotta make those Tornado Twins happen!

LMAO! If only jail would make that happen for us.

I do love when Barry gets a little jealous when Iris comments on Oliver Queen’s hotness (Honestly, I don’t find him that attractive).

Same, haha, but he knows Iris only has eyes for him.

I know people wondered why Barry just didn’t run. If he did, he’d become a fugitive and can’t risk coming back to CC. Even if he gets to see Iris for a minute, he could get her in trouble for harboring a fugitive. Plus, it would be Barry thinking about himself all over again and that’s not what marriage is about. In serious situations, you have to think about the two of you. As painful as it is for him to be in jail, he’ll just have to prove his innocence so he can be freed later.

Exactly. I’m surprised some people didn’t get that, but I guess Flash managed to be subtle for once haha. It really took the episode over the top for me.

What? People are blaming BL for SG and LOT getting shit on? Or something? That show isn’t even on yet. People are disgusting.

Not sure. But anyone who is doing that was never going to watch the show and doesn’t care about representation, they just want to clear their conscience.

#the flash #this is us #eboniangelvibez #anonymous #tatiana's thoughts #more asks under the cut #long post for ts

[sebyuns]

why hiatus ?

hey guys ! so in my hiatus “announcement” post I said I’d make a post about what’s going on in my life and why I’m on the hiatus. so if u wanna know nd care about me or if you’re just nosey please read after the cut !!

okay so I don’t even know where to start lmao ?

I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder about a year ago and it has been building up for years. last year it started to affect my school I’ve always been a pretty good student but due to my disorders I started gettung worse and it got really really hard for me to go to school. I couldn’t bring my self to go to school I would throw up in the morning and just been really bad so I started missing school and end up only going 2-3 days a week. everytime I would go to school I have panic attacks and I left earlier and I just couldn’t keep on doing that anymore so my therapist signed me off school a month before the summer holidays started. but staying home all that time + the summer didn’t help one bit (wow what a surprise) but I keept on telling myself that it’s gonna be fine next school year and that I’ll be able to go to school again buy SIKE I thought lmao !! it’s gotten even worse so I got signed off school again just after 5 days. and that’s where we are right now 1& ½ month later. i literallt havent been to school for MONTH like ive barely been the second half last year then combine the month before summer holidays, summer and the time til now. its the worst i hate it so much because id love to go to school I wanna go to school i just fucking can’t. by this time I know that I won’t be able to go back to school bc this is graduation class and I can’t be missing this much so I’ve got to redo next year or do something else idk

My depression is at its worst point yet. I have multiple breakdowns a day, I’m either feeling too much or nothing at all, literally everysingle thing makes me cry (one of the reasons I can’t be here lmao) suicidal thoughts, sleeping 12 hours day, forgetting to eat at all or only eat sweets, not leaving the house for days if it’s not for the therapist, just lacking human interaction at all. and all of that other jazz .I’m just really not .. great lmao.

as if my disorders weren’t enough I’m also dealing with an alcoholic dad and a (also) depressed and easily aggressive mom. I haven’t seen my dad for over 1 year now even though he lives only 10 mins away and just thinking about him brings me to tears just hope he doesn’t die from his fucking alcohol lmao i live with my mom who’s also mentally not really well that loves to get angry @ me for no reason and then scream at me for hours till I’m literally ready to kill myself one time i passed put out of the result of us arguing the fucking dishes or what. us being together all the time is just super toxic and she’s one of the big reasons that make me worse. I don’t have many friends (that live near me that im really close to all my really good friends live cities away and I don’t have any money to visit them) im alwyas alone lmao when was the last time i meet uo with someone? so I’m literally always stuck at home with my mom in my 9m^2 room.

the only other schedule and human interaction except for the therapist is my dancing group. well guess tf what we’re gonna disband ! amazing right, I know? 2 of our memebers are moving far away and with put them 1. were too little people 2. the room we rented is way to expensive. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without my group and dancing because it was literally one of the only things that are keeping me alive.

I’m in the queue for a mental health clinic at the moment. I’m probably gonna be admitted in about hopefully 3 weeks. I’ll be there for 6-10 weeks so I won’t be able to be on tumblr at all during that time.

ay and that’s not even all of it 🤙! I’m just really tired right now and I don’t think I have the energy to continue writing but I hope you guys have a better understanding of what’s going on with me right now? I doubt that anyone is really gonna read all of this but if u did thank you sm and ily 💕 if u wanna help me keep updated with exo somehow please tag me in stuff or send me asks I’ll check them atleast once a day!

#kts

[madzoomerr-blog]

 ᵖᵉʳˢᵒⁿᵃˡ ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿ  /  BACKSTORY,  FAMILY  &  CALI  #001.

–––––––––––––––   okay  before  going  on,   an  important  note  first   ;   because  we  haven’t  had  any  information  from  the  duffer  brothers   /   and  until  we  do,   this  whole  thing  will  strictly  be  my  whole  take   /   thoughts  and  headcanon  on  max’s  family  and  all  about  california   through  my  own  80s  research  and  thoughts.    of  course,  when  season  three  starts,  that’s  when  i’ll  start  editing/corporating  this  headcanon  along  with  the  canon  plot.    HOWEVER  TILL  THEN   this  is  my  intake  and  personal  headcanon  of  max’s  backstory.  so  before  it  creates  some  ruckus,  i’ve  talked  about  this  with  a  few  people  already,  along  with  mentioning  it  elsewhere  i  write  ic  such  as  discord  and  twitter    so  its  all  good  and  hope  it  makes  sense  to  the  rest  of  you.  this  is  MY  intake  on  all  of  this,  other’s  can  have  their  own  thoughts  and  opinions  about  it  which  is  10000%  fine  just  please  don’t  attack  me.  i’m  gonna  try  and  word  it  as  best  as  i  can  just  because  i’ve  plotted  this  privately  with  a  bunch  who  wanted  to  know  more  about  my  max  because  it  made  more  sense  explaining  it  to  someone  privately  and  bouncing  off  from  questions  but  i’ve  been  meaning  to  finally  post  it  so  this  is  basically  everything  explained.  this  one  is  super  important  to  me  so  please  also  respect  it   ??    because  this  is  also  going  to  be  a  huge  part  of  my  portrayal  for  max.   if  you  have  constructive  comments  or  specific  questions  about  this  one  particularly  please   DO  ASK  ME   !!    it’s  easier  answering  them  too  because  i  tend  to  either  ramble  or  leave  a  lot  of  things  out.    but  this  is  part  one.

FIRST  AND  FOREMOST:

Max  and  Susan  Mayfield.    before  i  get  in  to  my  headcanon  about  max’s  dad,  i  need  to  firstly  state  her  relationship  with  her  mother  and  why  it’s  relevant  to  the  max’s  feelings  about  the  separation,  family  and  the  move;    Whilst  she  loves  and  cares  for  her  mother,   THEY  ARE  NOT  CLOSE.   and  here’s  the  breakdown,  during  the  80s  and  even  today,  the  mother  has  the  custody  of  their  children  before  the  appropriate  age  of  18  when  they  get  to  choose  WHO  to  live  with,  therefore  makes  susan   the  rightful  guardian  for  max  before  she  turns  18.   with  that,  my  justification  of  susan  and  max  not  being  close  comes  in.  it’s  not  surprising  that  susan  and  max’s  father  had  max  when  they  were  young,  i  believe  that  they  may  have  been  highschool/college  soulmates  and  married  young  which  also  makes  sense  having  max  at  a  young  age.   it’s  also  pretty  clear  from  what  we’ve  seen  from  the  show  is  that  max  wasn’t  open  to  anyone  especially  her  mom  when  it  comes  to   SERIOUS  STUFF.   there’s  this  barrier  between  them  and  we  see  that  max  isnt  open  to  her,  and  just  mostly  super  basic  mother  /  daughter  interaction.  

now  that  that’s  out  of  the  way,  this  is  what  brings  everything  together.   Max  and  her  father.   i  concluded  with  the  idea  /  hc  that  max’s  father  is  still   alive  and  well   living  back  in  california.   how??   well,   statistics  show  and  obvious  knowledge  from  personal  experience  from  my  parents,  is  that  failed  marriages  were  super  frequent  back  then,   so  it’d  be  an  acceptable  reason  and  not  surprising  that  her  parents  separated  when  max  was  younger.   with  that,   i  then  hc’ed  that  she  was/is  closer  with  her  dad  before  the  separation  /  move.    and  this  is  why:   please  hear  me  out.   (   #001.  )     max’s  skateboard.  this  is  a  short  personal  headcanon  of  mine  i  wrote  a  while  ago  here,  basically  that  her  skateboard  was  given  by her  dad  and  is  really  the  only  thing  she  holds  on  to  from  her  dad.  i  thought  about  this  when  she  was  super  upset  trying   to  wrap  her  board  when  it  broke,  bc  obviously  yeah  it’s  her  HOBBY  but  i  wanted  to  add  a  very  significant  reason  why  that  board  meant  a  lot  to  her.  (   #002.  )   this  one’s  important.  Max’s  anger  towards  Neil  Hargrove.  it  would  make  sense  that  max  blames  billy  as  an  extension  of  neil  because  Neil  had  "taken her  dad's  place."  and  she  hates  this  because  she  knew  her  mom  stopped  loving  her  dad  which  explains  the  barrier  and  distance  between  her  mother  and  herself.  not  to  mention,  susan  seems  to  be  OBLIVIOUS  to  what  neil  does   ie.  not  doing  anything  to  stop  neil  abusing  billy,   so  it’s  concerning  that  she  doesn’t  really  know  ANYTHING  about   her  daughter  /  her  daughter’s  feelings.  (  #003  )   I also  think  that  max  is  slightly  upset  with  her  mom  at  times  when  she  sees  that  susan  doesn’t  do  anything  when  something  goes  down  between  billy  and  neil,   PAUSE  THERE  before  y’all  throw  pitchforks  at  me  because  this  is  in  no  way  defending  billy  at  all,  HECK  NO  WAY,  bc  if  you  havent  read  my  other  hcs  then  you  should  probs  know  that  max  cannot  nor  i  cannot  see  any  redemption  for  billy.    the  only  thing  that  i’m  justifying  here  is  that it  scares  max,   why?   because  she  always  thinks  about  what  if  she  was  in  that  situation.  which  explains  max’s  hard-shell  exterior,  that  she  doesn’t  wanna  be  anything  like  them,  like  her  mother  who  is  always  a  bystander  behind  neil,  or  neil  who  is  a  horrible  human  being  and  she’s  proven  this  multiple  times  standing  up  against  billy.  

don’t  get  me  wrong,  susan  cares  for  max  genuinely  of  course.  but  through  max’s  eyes /  point  of view,  she  knew  that  her  parents  were  going  to  separate  and  didn’t  take  this  well.  which  MAKES  SENSE  when  you  question  why  both  billy  and  max  blame  each  other.  surely  there  are  other  reasons  as  to  why  they  moved  to  hawkins,   but  with  my  understanding  /  thoughts,   this  one  was  important  to  think  about   and  develop.   and  if  that  detailed  summary  didn’t  make  sense:  basically,  to  sum  it  up.  max  loves  her  mom,  but  she  also  isn’t  close  with  her  and  in  actual  fact  is  closer  with  her  father.  but  because  custody  belongs  to  her  mother,  she’s  had  to  be  expected  /  in  a  way  forced  to  live  with  neil  and  billy  which  makes  her  hate  moving  from  california  and  hates  neil  for  taking  her  biological  father’s  place  and  therefore  causes  her  to  blame  billy  because  he  is  an  extention  of  neil.

more  headcanons  here.

#y'alllll #this took foREVER #and this isnt eve n the whole thing yet #i'll explain more when questions pop up ! #*sigh* #anyway thats done #i hope it made sense #PLS do ask me questions if you wanna #know more #hc. #plsdonotreblog. #✦ ` ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵈᵒ ⁿᵒᵗ ˢᵗᵉᵃˡ / stats and hcs. #q.

[harfblarf]

more rick and morty nonsense-- this time, rest and ricklaxation

i havent seen any posts outright pointing this out so: we know that toxic morty contains a lot of morty’s insecurity-- “I don’t want to be on camera I’m ugly”, “my voice is annoying”, so on-- and that he’s scared he’s gonna be in hell, but he also outright states that he "just want[s] to die”. Also that he’s in pain. 

Other things Toxic Morty says:

“I believe you” to Rick, with no hesitation-- Morty’s occasional blind faith in his grandpa is viewed as toxic? Healthy Morty certainly doesn’t just play along with Rick’s ideas

“*screams*”-- panic

“yes rick, i-i agree rick”-- stutter, capitulation, submission, avoiding confrontation

“i think my voice is annoying” in response to rick asking what morty thinks of him discovering electricity-- vaguely self-centered in a depressive way?

“i dont like confrontation”-- yeah no kidding

“i-i dont like this, this is scary” fear, aversion to violence

“i’m a piece of shit but I got the tank” obedient, self-hating

leans on dash much like healthy morty did, looking resigned

“jesus christ it hurts”-- unlike healthy morty makes no effort to reassure others

Toxic Rick :

“you can die when I say so”-- controlling

“why am I bragging about that, I have nothing to prove”-- insecurity

“I’m surrounded by inferior pieces of shit and--” *looks at morty* LOOK IM NOT SAYING HE DOESNT VIEW MORTY AS AN INFERIOR PIECE OF SHIT I’M JUST SAYING THERES AN IMPLICATION THAT IM CHOOSING TO READ INTO. YES HE FINISHED WITH ‘TOXINS’ BUT COME ON that pause tho

hey where did toxic rick get fucking glass test tubes

*destructive tendencies*

“I’m gonna rip your throat--”-- violent boi

“you little sociopath/okay shut up morty”-- considers healthy morty a sociopath, doesn’t want to listen to morty talking about people hating him (did not shut him up previously, only now)

“don’t negotiate with that little turd, you’re the rick, you need to show dominance!” insecurity, desire for control at any cost

angry when his plan goes downhill, angry about remerging

“I got a lot more use out of that thing than he ever did” considers his sexuality a toxic thing, bound to his anger and irrational attachments?

“fuck you summer” no respect, no apology

“alright fuck this time for plan b”, but leaves beth alone

fucking throws healthy morty out of the ship. not his morty, not his problem, i guess?

brags at a very uncomfortable toxic morty

“trapped in your brain... with delusions”

“relax, quit your bitching, you’re gonna be fine... grandpa’s here”-- that same arrogance that makes him call himself a god, is what assures him that he can help toxic morty

“just do it you piece of shit!” angry but resigned to the only solution he can see (small picture)

Healthy Morty:

“mind if i put on some music?”-- considerate, nonpresumptive

the whole “one song a day” thing-- optimistic, planning, looking to the future

“if anyone could [calculate happiness], Rick”-- deep respect for Rick, respect for intelligence, flattery

“thanks rick. I love you”-- affection for his grandpa, appreciation

“if we’re all bored, wouldn’t the common denominator be you?” this is a clever joke, but it’s mean. cleverness/humor is prized above consideration and kindness

“I knew you could” and the rest of this montage-- uh so Healthy Morty provides the confidence Normal Morty is missing to a bunch of people. if that’s not symbolism idk what is; plainly Morty considers supporting and helping people Healthy

“*doesnt react to being called a loser, not even to deny it*” I wonder if this is like, self-acceptance

suave but still in an awkward way? like he drops a pickup line on jessica with an awkward forced laugh

“happy to help rick”-- but no surprise, no real emotion. like it’s forced

“bad phone, chuck it”-- acceptance of simple answers

“if something’s worth saying, it’s worth eye contact”-- considers reliance on technology unhealthy? interesting especially considering his interactions with Rick and all his tech

“you shouldn’t have to deal with that, man”-- curiously, despite making it his job to stop other people from being in pain (helping all his schoolmates), he advises against helping the Toxins

“I think i know what to do. *snaps phone in half*” destruction of property, choosing simple solutions

“things are good... taking that away from me? that wouldn’t be healthy.” manipulation, selfishness, self-preservation

“world’s greatest grandpa, for reals” more manipulation

awkward chattering, spouting shallow wisdom

“pronounce it however you want, words are just things” lack of judgement

“please, thank you, we’re having a conversation”-- shoos away the waiter to make jessica less awkward, being rude to the waiter in the process. singleminded, simplistic solutions

extended metaphor of jessica to a planet, including some like very specific shit, “what’s the equator, what are the holidays”

“talk to me.” demanding, assertive

really... loud? and aggressive, and awkward and emotive; very little self-control

lacking attachments, passions, “life is a highway”, “no sparks no damage”

...really long metaphors with stacey too. u ok morty?

“bad parts of us, which includes our dishonesty” (emphasis mine); morty has no question that deceit is bad. of course, that’s what a manipulative little shit who believes in lying “for good reason” would say, too, so.

stacey will “do anything for you morty”? weird, probably more evidence of his manipulation. quickly earned her devotion

“kill him rick!” morty considers his violence and willingness to retaliate “healthy”

bites toxic morty-- willing to use unfair/dirty fighting techniques just like toxic rick did

also grinning while he attacks him

casually stops and leans on the dash, blank-faced, when beth appears. again, no passion, no emotion at all

also healthy morty was in the driver’s seat and only settled once he was in control

“we gotta stop him”

the one to explain why Healthy Rick shot Toxic Morty again

“you’re a better man than me Rick, I’m healthy enough to admit that”-- healthy morty to regular rick. what does it say that both toxic and healthy morty view rick as superior? man, that’s kinda fucked, even if healthy morty’s actions here are totes dickish

“have I ever lied to you? that’s right, and ask around, I never do” manipulaaaaaation

uses jessica as yet another extended metaphor

draws attention, revels in it, offers falsely specialized attention to people to earn and keep their affection (the wink, the friendliness with “dwayne”)

“red pill or blue pill”

“totally understand dwayne, you’re the boss”, then cuts to... jargon that makes his coworkers happy. i strongly suspect at least part of a lie here, or an omission of truth

the boy is really obsessed with organic carrots, who knows why

“is that how long it takes for rick to trace my location” but he’s smiling, not scowling, he’s... at best amused, at worst unbothered, i guess?

“you miss someone that loved you so much you never had to love ‘em back” holy shit morty

“you didn’t hang up”--”huh. how ‘bout that.” then to surprise into mild consternation when the fucking voltron drones show up

“do what you gotta do”-- despite not wanting it, recognizes the inevitability of rick getting him to remerge

apparently healthy morty told his girlfriend that he was “capitalizing on his lack of conscience by becoming a stockbroker”. interesting

Healthy Rick:

“heheh, this universe”-- considers the universe impressive/beautiful/awe-inspiring (compare to ‘the universe is a crazy chaotic place’)

“that is an interesting concept... listen to me, trying to calculate happiness over here”-- respectful of others’ ideas, still brilliant and trying to improve on them, recognizing that math/science isn’t the solution to everything

“here’s something no science could measure: i’m real proud to be your grandpa, morty”-- pride in his grandson, acknowledging the limits of science

“morty, a moment of your time?”-- so polite hot damn

“what if the toxic parts of us have their own identities-- their own will to live?”-- inherent respect for the value of life

“i’m accountable to my toxins”-- considers responsibility and facing it healthy

“locked ‘em in a cage *hits it while smiling as toxic rick swears*” my guy what the fuck; theoretical emotion, no actual immediate empathy

upset, sad about toxic rick’s deception

“sorry summer” considerate, apologetic

“summer get out of here, go”

“we can resolve our issues, we don’t need to resort to over-the-top--”

“just leave her out of this”

“it’s okay girls, i’m so sorry” takes the time to be reassuring and apologetic when danger is still afoot for the world, offers to cook??

“not our right to stop them”

“your morty”/”i know you give a shit dummy, because I know I don’t”-- i think this is again about “not my morty not my problem”, and that Healthy Rick doesn’t care about Toxic Morty

“merge with me and you’ll know how to save him”... except once they merge there is no saving him, is there? just preservation to merge him with Healthy Morty

“I had all my problems removed-- my entitlement, my narcissism, my crippling loneliness, my irrational attachments” -- things healthy rick considers unhealthy are identified, but he’s still doing this in part because healthy morty insisted it was the right choice, and he’s still proud to be morty’s grandpa

“you’re literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture” so large-scale thinking is considered healthy?

“if i ever gave you the wheel, we’d be dead in five minutes” and isn’t that true, because toxic rick is willing to sacrifice himself for morty, and is too arrogant to think anyone is a threat to him? he would get morty AND himself killed if toxic rick was always in charge. no, letting toxic rick guide him is inevitable, but being controlled by him is unacceptable

Regular Rick: 

“man i really overthink shit when I’m angry”

“now it’s time we re-merge your little ass” interestingly his priorities were a) fix planet (what morty asked him to do), b) remerge morty (save toxic morty)

“that kid is a real piece of shit” (about healthy morty only)

“part of me really wanted to [save you], toxic morty. part of me really wanted to.” 

“tiny american psycho”

“kept asking ‘did you get a new morty yet?’“/”because you kept drunk-dialing me and crying about it!”/”I WASN’T CRYING” /in the background “I didn’t care” (what a liar)

Conclusion: as funny as most of this episode is, it strikes me that what Rick considers unhealthy, Morty considers healthy. Healthy Morty is violent, lacking a conscience, manipulative, domineering, sexual, and lacking in passion and attachments (he does, after all, abandon his family, not just Rick, for three weeks). Yes, he’s also less of a coward, not suicidal, and helpful, but compare to Healthy Rick. Healthy Rick is similarly lacking in passion and attachments, but he’s nonviolent, honest, less arrogant and less willing to impose his will on the world, nonsexual, and calm. Everything Healthy Rick isn’t, Healthy Morty is. It’s a fascinating insight into how Rick’s lies and denial are fucking up Morty’s perception of what is “healthy” and what isn’t. He has come to view violence, foul play, manipulation, lack of emotion/conscience, and dominance as valuable skills, even necessities, instead of the shameful attributes Rick views them as.

#rick and morty reference #rick and morty #rick and morty theory #i guess? #sort of it's more analysis than theory #toxic morty #toxic rick #healthy morty #healthy rick #slime morty #slime rick #tl;dr morty views everything rick hates as everything he should value