#text posts are difficult

[millenianthemums]

i want a shirt that has a QR code on it for some kind of horrible malware so that if anyone ever tries to film me in public their phone will automatically scan the code and be reduced to a functionless brick

#text post #although testing if it works would be difficult #i’d need a spare phone or two #also i know qr codes don’t usually automatically scan but maybe one could if it was evil enough #1k

[demigods-posts]

you know that thing people do whenever they get so pissed off that they laugh? i'm convinced percy has 100% done that at least once. maybe a camper said the wrong thing about someone he cares about, and his gut reaction is to hurt them. but he knows he shouldn't do that. so he just laughs for a few seconds, leave his sword on the table, and spends the rest of the day in the camp lake.

#'the sea does not like to be restrained' #<- percy does his best to practice restraint #and it's incredibly difficult bc he canonically has anger issues #but he tries #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #pjo text post #percy jackson #pjo headcanon #idk what to make of this

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Wear Headphones :]

Transcript:

Mmh- I... Oh wow. Ahgh! Mmph! I'm gonna GET SILLY. ALL OVER.

Ah-ghg. *exhale* Fuh-fuck. Heh-heh... I got too silly.

End Transcription

*coughs* this was actually going to be a comic but I Don't Have Time For All That. So if you want to see the incomprehensible version its below *coughs*

And heres v1 staring at fuckin nothin if you want it for some reason??

Since this is a lot of clips here is the audio source dumping ground (not in order)

Clip 1

Clip 2

Clip 3

#suggestive #ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #im actually going to jail for this one. #sorry if the audio levels are a bit.. weird. its difficult when its a bunch of different clips together #please enjoy the 5 minutes spent on the comic layout #i did the first panel and said 'nvm lol' I didnt even finish adding the terminal text #shoutout to the one person in chat who said 'IM SILLYING' this is all your fault /j #i hate transcribing these #help. #OK................. THATS. Enough Posts Like This. For now. Next few will be normal. well as normal as it gets around here #btw the gabe pic was originally Much Worse. I had to add the rainbows n stuff so people didnt think it was..... well. #i need to stand in traffic now. goodeby #happy sunday everyone

[jmtorres]

so a post wandered across my dash where someone had gotten a transphobic butthole commenting on their fic, and they were asking their followers go tell this person to kill themselves

and i said, have you considered telling people to kill themselves is an abusive tactic and maybe the proportionate response would be to delete the idiotic comment [alas blocking was not available as the coward hadn't logged in]

to their credit, this person blocked me rather than sending me abuse (though if they replied, I can't see it because they blocked, oh well)

but like. it kinda bothers me that someone i follow thought this was cool to reblog. i thought me and my mutuals were on the same page here. we don't tell people to kill themselves. we especially do not incite others to send someone a slew of such messages. we tell bigoted idiots off, block them when possible, report them if we can nail what they said to a hate speech or threat policy.

we do not tell people to kill themselves.

if you think it's acceptable to send someone a "kys" message for literally any reason please go ahead and block me, I don't want to know you.

#how to tumblr #fandom #discourse #i hope anyone who will be triggered by the phrase has it filtered in post text #how to behave online #i don't see how this is a difficult stance #yet apparently it's common for people to lash out this way

[meowmeowriley]

Gaz complaining to Soap about their produce going bad: "Horse shit! Look at this, our radishes are all squishy."

Ghost: "You got soft radishes, soldiers?"

Soap: *snorts "Aye, Sir."

Ghost: "Soft radish is just about as bad, if not worse, than a limp carrot."

Soap: *barely holding it together "Maybe ye could help me with that."

Gaz, under his breath: "I hate it here."

Ghost: "If your radish went soft you can usually fix it by putting it into a wet tupperware or soaking in cold water for a little bit."

Soap, confused: "Wait... that's not..."

Gaz: "Thats actually helpful, sir, thank you."

Ghost: *nods. Leaves.

Soap: *throwing up his hands "What the fuck..."

Thank you @tacticaltaxonomist for teaching me about radishes. Sorry I'm about as mature as a 13 year old.

#gaz thought his life was about to be difficult but ghost actually helped #cod mw2 #ghostsoap #soapghost #ghoap #text post #call of duty #kyle gaz garrick #incorrect quotes

[aelkitofsunset]

i just love svsss fanfics where Bing-ge meets his own Shen Yuan and just. undergoes bingmeification. he gets hit with the love beams that radiate from Shen Yuan and it’s all over for him. unparalleled.

#kit-thoughts #text post #svsss #like crab evolution #the ultimate form of the Luo Binghe is the Bingmei #i also enjoy fics that acknowledge that it would. in fact. be a difficult process #but the bingmeification speed run fics are just. so fun. #luo bingge #bingyuan #the luo binghe brainrot continues

[villruu]

(Mostly) Tumblr posts that reminds me of Marble Hornets (Part 1)

(Part 2)

#marble hornets #brian thomas #tim wright #alex kralie #hoodie mh #masky mh #skully mh #jessica mh #reblog > likes #alt text #vrill makes (pseudo) art #this is mostly only tim brian and alex bc i constantly think about them #ill make more abt skully and jay and jess bc i also love em lots its just difficult to find tumblr post thgat fit Their Vibe ykno

[harringroveera]

He means both honestly

#harringrove #hard? always. difficult? sometimes #billy hargrove #steve harrington #billy x steve #billy hargrove x steve harrington #incorrect harringrove quotes #harringroveera #harringrove meme #harringrove textpost #harringrove ship #harringrove memes #incorrect billy hargrove quotes #harringrove + text posts #billy hargrove meme #steve x billy #steve harrington x billy hargrove #steve harrington memes #incorrect steve harrington #harringrove edit

[varricscrossbowbianca]

Dragon Age + text posts

#dragon age #da #da shitpost #fenris #hawke #cullen rutherford #cassandra pentaghast #anders #zevran arainai #solas #. i tried to find the links to the text posts but it was really difficult ughh

[the-nysh]

Oh Meryl.....:') This will be a longpost commentary on the events of Trimax vol5 & 6 primarily from her perspective, so let's get into it!

Alright, so remember the foreshadowing in Meryl's line about seeing Vash's 'entire enigmatic past' from Trimax vol3?!

Well in Trimax vol5 all that becomes true! When getting 'touched by an angel' directly connects her to Vash's memories through contact with his feathers, she gets a front row seat to personally SEE, feel, and experience ALL the worst pain and trauma Vash has endured over his functionally immortal lifetime of horrors!!! Bearing witness to just how heavy a burden of sorrow and torment he's suffered carried with him that she's always wondered about; now she knows the full context of everything.

From witnessing his lone struggles as a younger child first learning how to use a gun, grinding through all his bloody mistakes, losses, and failures, to the worst calamity that he, as a transformed nonhuman 'gun' himself, became capable of unleashing on the planet: the terrifying destruction of July itself.

As Vash regains his lost memories of July through a meltdown of grief, regrets and revelations of his own (how firing his power inadvertently killed everyone he knew and loved), all at once, his pain while reliving those horrors of the past resonates to become her pain. (Remember this for vol6!)

And just to grab a mic to reiterate, Meryl is only a normal human woman here, with no special powers or superhuman training to prepare her how to handle any of this! (This disaster exceeds her realm of expertise!) She’s also the only one who gets to see, understand, and resonate with the entirety of Vash’s pain and feelings on such a direct, private, and literally mind-melding intimate level of connection. (Linking the human with the inhuman/monstrous.) So of course she’s terrified! Being thrust into such an unprecedented dangerous situation, witnessing inescapable horrors beyond human comprehension, AND by getting a very real demonstration of Vash’s power (on the verge of exploding out of control) and his transformed inhumanity RIGHT UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL!  

So it’s truly a testament to her mental fortitude and resilience that she didn’t just break from the information overload or succumb to the level of despair and terror right there--no, she bravely keeps her wits about her, and despite everything she remains on Vash’s side, shooting first to defend him (aiming right for Legato using the gun she picked up from Zazie's corpse) as the one who breaks the multiple-way stalemate between all their enemies instead! GO MERYL!!!!

(It's why this moment's probably one of my top favorites in the whole manga!!! ;o;) Cause the entire time, even while under severe mental distress, crawling through the rubble with his powers and feathers surging everywhere, Vash had kept her safe and physically unharmed within his wings, and then her first action upon surfacing was to take charge to protect him in turn!! I love it; cause even during such a dire emergency and all the mental stress she's put under while in the heat of the moment, her faith and dedication (to fight without hesitation at his side) still aim true~

And even after Legato critically pushes the crisis from bad to worse, to the point Vash is provoked into almost firing his Angel Arm in feral-retaliation to stop him (holy foreshadowing of their future duel!) with Meryl literally stuck in the middle of all this chaos (while shocked, powerless, and terrified--bless her heart) as Vash struggles to regain control of himself...

(Note: even Wolfwood was blown back by the surging energy, but with Meryl literally RIGHT THERE under Vash, it's amazing she didn't get hit being that close to him.) ...she STILL doesn't run away from him once the dust settles, and is in fact the first one to approach him in concern to ask if he's ok after...

(So whew, a relieved round of applause for Meryl remaining strong in the active face of so much strife!!) The immediate aftermath of this whole experience gives her the tangible proof and perspective from Vash to understand and fear that Knives--as his twin in power but having the actual intent to destroy the world behind it, is fully capable of ending humanity's future.

Of course, the experience doesn't also leave her unscathed without any lasting mental scars to cope with...as Trimax vol6 so graciously shows us how things will always Get Worse before they can get better...

Where sure enough, she's already having difficultly sleeping with night terrors and loss of appetite--it's honestly no surprise the terrible experience has given her symptoms of ptsd she'd be made of something unbelievably superhuman if she weren't affected, and consulting with Wolfwood unfortunately doesn't offer her anything (helpful) she doesn't already know...(cause at this point, she's literally seen more of Vash, especially the amount suddenly exposed to all at once, than Wolfwood could possibly know how to advise her on. He's still struggling with plenty of his own fears vs loyalties towards Vash himself.)

Only that he stresses the importance she weighs her options now to make the decision to quit her job while she still can (a choice and the freedom to 'get out' that Wolfwood comparatively doesn't have under direct orders from Knives) to remove herself and Milly from getting further involved with Vash--specifically the life-threatening danger he poses as a living weapon (despite his best intentions and character as a person!) set to explode with the firepower to raze the world--if Meryl values her life.

But truly, how does Meryl feel about that? What does she value and care for more, that'd be most important to her--her life or her job? Is following Vash (surveilling him for 'risk management') more than just a job to her at this point? What about her feelings towards him as a person--the man she already knows, vs her need to reconcile with the truth (that he's not even human!) that she didn't know until just recently. Is the level of imminent danger and risk she's putting herself into, now that she fully understands how dire, truly worth it (for him) this time? And if she still truly cares for him, does it even matter what he is? Despite any pros or cons and conflicting feelings about it, which will ultimately remain the stronger reason compelling her choice to stay?

Whew! She has many things to evaluate and consider going forward, especially if she wants to continue at his side. (And as Wolfwood stresses, continuing puts Milly at risk too, so that's even more weight/responsibility to balance on Meryl's shoulders.) Including processing the very nature of her fears--to identify what it is that truly terrifies her (is it truly Vash or something else?) before she can hope to face or overcome them. Before this biggest hurdle tips the scales to debilitate her resolve or outright prevents her from continuing her job at all. For now, she thinks and relates back to the firepower she gained when she first fired a gun...

And ah, HERE IT IS, she recalls what's scared her the most from her own past memories: "I gained the power of death at my fingertips. It was terrifying." Cause the first time she ever shot a person and realized the weight of the power she holds, she hated it. Shocked, collapsed, paralyzed, coming undone in the streets, closing herself off from others, regretting her action terribly... It was all too much. (Sound...familiar to the guilt and regrets of someone else we know? Meryl's shooting style is also notably non-lethal...because she too doesn't like to kill! When her first time wielding 'death' with her Derringers upset her this badly that she needed to adjust to be able to continue her job that required arming herself with this type of power...)

So remember when she resonated with the pain of Vash's memories? Seeing when he first struggled learning how to use a gun too, and all the blood and loss that accompanied it? However...his experiences didn't just end there, with only his first time shooting a person.....cause the first time he shot his real power (without him knowing what would happen) he caused the destruction of an entire city, killing everyone he loved in it! He didn't just 'gain the power of death at his fingertips,' he literally BECAME it, armed with the power to end the world. Hating and regretting his action so terribly, the catastrophe traumatized him with amnesia and led to a full-blown meltdown in grief and despair once he finally remembered. With Meryl there, witnessing and feeling all of it along with him. (His pain became her pain; his trauma became hers...)

That the sheer magnitude of wielding that kind of terror, as an intrinsic, inseparable part of himself (unlike a handheld gun you can choose to put down; he can't), let alone carrying the fear of it going out of control again if he's not careful, is indescribable. And if Meryl can now understand the gravity of that in relation to her own gun experiences (when the memory of firing her Derringers was already enough crushing weight for her to fear) then as the peace-loving person she knows him to be, who's always tried his hardest not to kill anyone, the crushing multitudes she knows he must feel now upon recovering his memories filled with so much death unleashed by his own hands must be unbearable. Feeling precisely just how much MORE terrifying and overwhelming the burden must be for him. It makes her wonder HOW can he still even bring himself to pull the trigger?!

Just look at Meryl's collapsed posture, it's the same she felt in her own past experiences...only this time it's directed in relation towards him--almost expressed in his place for the crushing weight he must feel. She's outright screaming/crying/bawling for him in empathy for the pain he must feel every time he's forced to fight and shoot someone with so much baggage behind it. Oh Meryl....:') (This is probably the strongest we've seen her cry for him...and it certainly won't be the last she cries in concern to relieve the pain of his burden.)

And Meryl, watching him fight on regardless, becomes struck and speechless for another reason, as she realizes how much his incredible strength and fortitude allow him to push past his unbearable pain to continue his job: "I felt...his determination is even stronger than the regret he carries."

Which is true, for the same stronger feeling that compelled him to stop at nothing, despite being on the verge of total collapse bearing his regrets of July, when he grit and forced himself to continue on his mission to save her from the Dragon's Nest. :') This is how he does it; how he continues to fight for what's important. (And yes she was that important, as the thought of losing her like his loved ones at July, is what fueled his determination back then to keep going.)

However, the struggle is never easy, as Vash, for his own part, masked behind his new goggle-edged glasses and kind Rem-like smiles 'as usual,' has not been coping well behind closed doors at all. (That Meryl could even sense an air of unusually 'off' distant/detached/avoidant behavior from him that she asks Milly about it.) We see him immersing himself in thousands of rounds of (non-lethal) target practice til his hand bleeds, and when drilling that level of focus + exposure isn't enough to take the edge off, he visits a church during service to hear a sermon on forgiveness...only for him to deem it hopeless there's no possible release from his sins when he can't even forgive himself, and there's even evidence he'd been drinking in not-quite-so savory (healthy or responsible) ways--unsettling even Wolfwood that something's uncannily off with him. (All being different attempted coping methods to drown out and escape the pain of his past regrets, but even Vash knows it's impossible now to forget...)

So all it takes is one slip-up when he's depressed off his game for everything to tumble into a trainwreck... Where Meryl seeing him block a bullet with his powers (instead of his usual self-aware dodging?) triggers all that terror to come flooding back into a panic attack.

Where it's truly unfortunate (and oh it hurts...) as an accident, something involuntary--a messy, instinctual reaction completely beyond either of their control. Cause Meryl didn't anticipate her ptsd to manifest and incapacitate her like this! that a single flash of his feathers would remind her of Everything--of all the worst horrors those powers are capable of when unleashed, the weaponized death and terror it represents, and the very moment she felt and experienced all of it while trapped powerless and panicked to do anything... No no no, returning to that headspace is horrible; it's all still too fresh to relive and TOO MUCH trauma for a human like her to bear; she couldn't help coming undone in the streets in a far worse way than she's ever had before (and I don't blame her.)

And Vash didn't mean to publically out himself as a nonhuman 'monster' to everyone either, when tensions were already high following Knives' mass murders for them to link the same culpability towards him, while he's still struggling to get a handle on his newly awakened powers too--ohshit indeed when they suddenly manifest and the truth breaches containment freaking everybody out in a witch-hunting mob of scorn, fear, misunderstandings, and hatred. (Ouch...)

What's more, Vash probably didn't even know Meryl had seen his memories, or had been affected by his trauma to such an overwhelming degree--since the transfer happened more as an autonomous side effect of his powers activating rather than anything he purposely intended....(once again, unintended consequences beyond his control; he never meant to cause any of this harm!!) So from his perspective he probably doesn't fully understand how to interpret her distress (apart from the crowd's?!) or know what to do to help. Cause reactions from strangers are one thing to bear, but if he sees her reaction to him--and his nonhuman display, as anything like theirs...then it's so much worse cause it's Meryl, who's known and been with him since the beginning. She's someone important he cares for...and now she's hurt and visibly scared from yet again another mistake he can't undo. ohno ohno he knows he messed up...

(Plus poor Milly has no context to understand what's wrong, or why Meryl's so upset either, since she'd been knocked out during the later parts of the Dragon's Nest to know what happened. So now she's alarmed and concerned trying to process why everything's suddenly gone to shit, anchoring Meryl the best she can, while shaken by the pain and cruelty Vash endures in such a situation masked with a smile...)

Despite the stones thrown by the crowd (nooo~) Vash's first priority concern is to run straight over to check on Meryl...

*And here's where I scream bloody murder* Cause that single flinch--from reaching towards her with that arm too, probably hurts him more than any of those stones thrown at him in hatred and revulsion that he's a monster. Cause to him it probably reads as a perceived rejection from Meryl (noooo~), and the amount he's hurt from realizing he's the one who hurt her this way....ohhhhh his crushing guilt must be heart-shattering...;A;

But there's no time, as before Meryl's even ready to speak or clarify how she feels, the choice she previously had on whether she wants to leave or stay is taken from her as Vash is the one who's forced to leave her instead. :')) The only thing Vash can do is repeatedly apologize as he runs away he can't even say goodbye--Wolfwood has to say that for him...and admit to Wolfwood how much he 'really feels like crying.'

(And once again poor Milly, left with no other explanations, can only read how much his pained empty mask of a smile has broken...)

What sucks even more, is knowing how much Meryl had already empathized with his pain (she could already feel that strongly for him!) and being in no condition to explain herself or her fears to him, once her panic subsides, she's bound to feel that much more terrible with guilt from realizing how her reaction (especially her flinch) had unintentionally hurt and pushed him away....leading towards a bad result she simply couldn't help and had no power to change...what a disaster.

But is someone as usually brave and tenacious like Meryl going to let that be the end of it? Broken on a disastrous parting and painful misunderstanding (she never meant to 'reject' him!!!) she literally had no say over? What of her brand of determination--especially towards what she feels (and decides) is most important, becoming stronger than the pain and regrets she carries? (Just like Vash! Can she find it within her to continue, or start over, inspired just as he does?)

Her struggle now becomes finding that strength (even a driving belief) to tentatively (re)build that trust and acceptance between them towards recovery. To endure, fight, and conquer those horrors to bridge (reconnect) the gap between the human and monstrous that separates them. (Especially if she truly cares and wants to do it--for the sake of what Matters, for what'll make the effort Worth it.) It'll be huge and seemingly insurmountable for any other person bearing the same strife she carries, but you can do it Meryl, I believe in you~~

#trigun #trigunbookclub #commentary #vashmeryl #long text post #aaaaaaAAAAAA well I Tried :'D #wanted to do this in vol5's week but didn't feel it'd be complete without covering the aftermath in vol6 #and WHEW the repeated 9999 critical hits of emotional damage made this Difficult

[clericofmystra]

I temporarily picked up Astarion for sleight of hand purposes and it spawned one of my favorite colossally awkward interchanges:

#gale is such an icon adfjkad;jkfa #it's actively difficult to /prevent/ him from approving of you and then there's astarion #t: the sacred text posts #p: screenshots #ch: there's a mighty bargain to be made #ch: and to think i was ready to decorate the ground with your innards #astarion #gale dekarios #bg3 spoilers

[millenianthemums]

parents of disabled kids will be like “we know our kid is disabled but we just won’t tell them about it. we don’t want them to think they’re less valuable than other kids. we don’t want them to feel limited by their disability, we want them to know they’re capable of anything.”

meanwhile those kids are growing up thinking “why is everything so much harder for me than it is for everyone else? there’s no reason i shouldn’t be able to just do this. i guess i’m just a failed, broken person.”

#text post #ableism #like if you don’t want to get your kid diagnosed with something then that’s one thing #but not KNOWING what’s wrong with them isn’t gonna make the problem just magically disappear #and just personally speaking. SO MANY things i do that i used to feel such deep shame about? #i now realize they were because i’m autistic #the meltdowns the social awkwardness etc #and i feel so much better to know i wasn’t just being whiny or difficult or weird for no reason #i feel like my whole life i’ve been gaslighted into not knowing what i really feel #because everyone always told me i was being ‘dramatic’ or ‘too sensitive’ and eventually i decided they must be right #so now i literally can’t tell what i’m feeling sometimes #because i dismiss my own feelings as stupid and wrong

[jasontoddsmommyissues]

Eddie Munson as Text Posts 33/?

Bonus Hellcheer:

#finding frames of hellcheer together is depressingly difficult btw #eddie as text posts #stranger things #eddie munson #feral racoon boy #hellcheer #stedit #stranger things edit #eddie edit #eddie munson edit #hellcheer edit #strangerthingsedit #eddieedit #eddiemunsonedit #hellcheeredit #stranger things eddie #grace van dien #chrissy cunningham #stranger things 4 #stranger things 4 vol 1 #stranger things season 4 #stranger things season 4 vol 1 #stranger things 4 edit #stranger things 4 vol 1 edit #stranger things season 4 edit #stranger things season 4 vol 1 edit #strangerthings4edit #strangerthingsseason4edit #strangerthings4vol1edit #strangerthingseason4vol1edit

[vohtaro]

it’s just their dynamic

#tobirama #izuna #tobiizu #laughing bc i’ve had izuna done for 2 months and just finally did tbrm bc his expression was so difficult to get the way i wanted it #anyways #the tbiz text post of all time. i had to do smth for it. i just had to. #this is the only way they make sense to me anymore

[sherlock-is-ace]

[First image description: A screenshot of Georgia Tennant's instagram post. The photo is of Peter Davison holding a sign that reads "He's not that special!" In front of a line of people. The caption of the post reads "Here I am protesting in front of the half mile queue for your husband". The post is dated April 2, 2022. Below there is a comment from Neil Gaiman that reads "He's got the patience of Job, your father."

Second image description: A close up of Neil's comment. It's got 786 likes and was posted 71 weeks ago.]

#i found this way too funny ahdnshf #don't ask me what i was doing for far into georgia's instagram acc lol #also please PLEASE let me know if i did and formated the image description correctly it's the first one i ever do #i never do them cause i don't know how and i'm afraid to make it more difficult for people who need it #but this post was all text in screenshots so i felt like it was the perfect opportunity to learn #do let me know if there's something i should add or change PLEASE i will edit the post :) #georgia tennant #peter davison #neil gaiman

[nerdgirlnarrates]

So a fun thing that came up in therapy is how I have a lot of trouble believing that I can be in a long-term loving romantic relationship and how that relates to being told over and over that going into medicine would make me difficult to marry. There were other things about me that garnered this criticism (I was a weird kid growing up and had the typical weird kid experiences that make you believe you're unlovable), but it mostly revolved around wanting to go into medicine, and it mostly came from my parents. There was a lot of fretting over how men would struggle with a woman having such a demanding career and how they would be emasculated by my salary, etc. There was also fretting over how I should avoid ambitious men because it would make it even more difficult to balance careers, and this concern usually came with the message that the man's career is more important. Sometimes this was implicit, but sometimes it was explicit: at the beginning of med school, my mom told me I shouldn't date a classmate because "[their] career will come first." I once had a hypothetical discussion with my dad about what I would do if I had a disabled child who needed a parent at home, and his immediate response was "you can't ask a man to quit his job." Never mind the work you put in to your career, how much you like it, how your respective jobs impact household finances--you can't ask a man to quit his job. That's that. I was also asked repeatedly, and not just by my parents, if I would give up my job if my husband asked (no additional context was given, of course). When I said I wouldn't, I was accused of being unwilling to make any sacrifices in a relationship.

In retrospect, I think my parents thought they were preparing me for realistic relationship struggles. Obviously having a demanding job can create tension, and it created tension in their marriage when they both had demanding careers and small children. Ultimately my mom quit her job, for that and other reasons. But I think that decision was also due, in some part, to patriarchal assumptions about who should be at home and whose career matters. That assumption was passed along in the concerns they harbored about my career, and instead of making me feel prepared to deal with relationship stressors, I started believing I couldn't have a career and a marriage. I picked a career.

Medicine is deeply, deeply important to me, and it feels like part of who I am, and I can't imagine giving it up to be more appealing as a wife. I can't stop being someone who loves medicine and work. I don't want to be married for the sake of it or loved halfway; I want to be loved as what I am or I want to be alone. For years, it felt like I couldn't both want things and be married. To be married, I had to be ready to give up everything at the drop of a hat, throw out all my dreams and ambitions if someone asked. The context doesn't matter--I'm the woman, so I'm the one who quits. I'm the one who gives things up.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop wanting things: I want to be a physician and teach and work in sexual violence prevention for the rest of my life. I want to paint and write novels. And I don't want to give any of it up unless I absolutely have to. Worse, I want someone to actually like all those things about me rather than simply tolerate them. And I want to be seen as kind and smart and funny and interesting and attractive, and it's just too much. I want too much. I just don't think it's possible to want this much from life and from a partner. I've had some people tell me that what I want is fine and realistic, and I don't really believe them.

#this is very personal but what can I say I'm feeling introspective #also listen not everybody ends up with someone #that's just facts #and I think I'm that person #I want way too much and it makes things too difficult #but I can't stop being what I am #so there it is #medblr #med school #med student #medicine #my content #my text posts