#that made their own clique but they’re all boring anyway so they can fuck off lol

[bibleofficial]

leaving the hospital in the morning & i finally get to go back to wales & i can’t wait i rly can’t - the belgians i’ve met have been wonderful [for the most part] but the rape has me panicking even seeing the roads and the buildings

#diary #literally everyone else was wonderful except for the HOTEL EMPLOYEES THAT REFUSED TO HELP ME FIND MY WAY BACK TO THE HOSTEL & THE GUY THAT #DENIED HAVING A PHONE TO SHOW ME A MAP AFTER THE RAPE #shoutout to school children love yall so much they’re so polite & also the amazing older DJ that was talking to us at the irish pub prior to #us going back to the hostel & me leaving w the tall friendly man - i’ve his number & i told him i was going to text him bc he was going to #host an underground rave at an abbey but couldn’t make it bc i’ve been in the hospital since monday #i’ll come back to ghent sometime - i just need to. get over the trauma lol #i still have his number ! he rolled a j w me - he’s such a saint #i’m just a chatter i love talking to people despite being introverted #i wouldn’t go OUT OF MY WAY TO SPEAK but if they come up to ME i’m WELL OPEN #which he did he’s so sweet & also the old homosexuals i was smoking w & gave me info on the drug culture here bc i was curious & also the #tall belgian that took me to those few bars & we chatted abt belgium and how ghent is changing #i wish i were able to actually continue w the rest of our group for the site visit but honestly it #it just wasn’t going to happen #i can’t even go back to the hostel without shaking and panicking #my darlings kp & omar know everything & everything is ok i love them so much - the group we are w have all been wonderful bar like the 4 #that made their own clique but they’re all boring anyway so they can fuck off lol #THE OTHER 9 ….. STAN #well 7 bc omar & kp i alrdy stan & they know #i’m just telling everyone it was an assault and robbery bc everyone knows something is up bc i walked into the hostel at 9a & nobody knew #where i was bc my phone was dead & i couldn’t tell anyone & also i was probably drugged honestly #i don’t even know my guess is rohypnol #god fuck that guy fuck that guy so much oh my god i swear if i see him again …. bro ur not living im not afraid of european prison in the #fuckin slightest i don’t give a shit

[morningfears]

Camping

Rating: PG

Summary: Ashton is tired of everyone complaining that they’re bored during long breaks so he decides that a camping trip is necessary. He’s also decided that he’s tired of you and Calum dancing around one another, ignoring your obviously shared feelings, and that this trip is the perfect time to force you to acknowledge them. | College AU ft. tent sharing!

Word Count: 5.8k

“You know, the thing that bothers me the most about Twilight is that they’re in high school. Who the fuck wants to be immortal and spend the rest of eternity in high school? That makes absolutely zero sense.”

Ashton lifted his head, his attention drawn from the textbook he’d been staring at intently for the past hour (although how much of that time was spent actually reading, you couldn’t say), and raised an eyebrow as he watched you stare out the window. You were hidden behind the stacks, tucked away in a quiet part of the library that not even the librarians frequented, and you had the best view of the social quad as well as the quietest spot to work away from the harsh glares of other students when the two of you got a little too into your study break conversations. He could already tell that this was going to be one of those conversations so he closed his textbook and leaned back in his seat as he reached for his water bottle.

“Out of everything that could possibly bother you about Twilight, their decision to return to high school forever is what bothers you the most?” he questioned before he took a sip of his water and shook his head. “I think your priorities are a little off there, but okay.”

“Who would, realistically, want to go back to high school forever? I mean, they really can’t compare the modern high school experience with what they endured. Didn’t Edward die during the fucking plague? Like, I imagine high school was a very different thing then. If you made it to high school, it was probably like being a fucking Ph.D. student now. And, sure, there were probably ancient cliques but nothing as insane as there is now, I’m sure. It just doesn’t add up, Ash,” you huffed as you finally turned your head to face him.

“It was actually the Spanish flu that killed him,” Ashton corrected and when you blinked at him, eyebrows raised and eyes narrowed, he shrugged. “You started this conversation,” he reminded you as he watched you pull out your own water bottle. “Anyway, he was seventeen when he was turned. Guess he just wanted to go back to what he knew.”

“Honestly, textbooks probably didn’t change much in his entire school career,” you huffed, a little too impassioned to be talking about a fictional character but procrastination made you do strange things. “Why not go to college? If you’re a super rich vampire, flunking out doesn’t matter. You can pay tuition or buy a fucking university and just switch leadership every now and again. Or you could just go take classes for the fun of it. Fuck it, that’d be fun. Just learning stuff for the hell of it without having to really try super hard to make good grades. He’s out in the daylight, anyway. I’m sure there’s a super rainy campus somewhere that would’ve loved benefactors like the Cullen family.”

Ashton stared at you, trying desperately to keep from laughing, for a long moment. He bit his tongue to hold back his reply, one that he knew would only set you further off on a tangent, before he shook his head and began gathering his things. You watched, mildly confused, as he shoved his textbook and notebook into his backpack before he stood, slinging it over his shoulder, and rounded the table to do the same to your bag. He held it out for you, eyebrows raised and a look of amusement on his face.

“You’ve clearly been cooped up in here too long,” he offered as an explanation as you took the bag from his outstretched hand, stood, and slung it over your shoulder. “Come on, we’re getting everything ready for the camping trip at mine and Cal’s place.”

“Care to remind me again why we’re all going on a camping trip?” you asked as the two of you made your way down the stairs and toward the sweet freedom of the outdoors. You knew that the temperature had dropped from the mild warmth of the day into a cooler, more tolerable temperature and you couldn’t wait to breathe in something other than the years of desperation and anxiety you’d been inhaling in the library. “None of us are even remotely outdoors-y,” you reminded him as you shoved open the heavy metal door and breathed in deeply.

“Everyone complains about being bored when there are long weekends,” Ashton huffed as he hoisted his backpack up higher and shook his head at you. “I got four texts from you last time asking me to do something with you. This is us doing something!”

“Couldn’t that something have been, like, bowling? Or maybe laser tag? Anything else on the planet aside from camping, really,” you huffed as you followed him down the path leading to the parking lot. As you approached his car, he shot you a look and you rolled your eyes. “Fine, let’s all go to the woods and get hypothermia or eaten by a bear or a mountain lion or get lost in the woods and end up like the kids in Blair Witch. All of those sound like fucking fantastic ways of spending our long weekend.”

Ashton figured that your complaints would drift off once the pair of you reached his apartment and joined the others in preparing for the trip. Calum and Michael had been put in charge of gathering supplies such as tents and sleeping bags while Luke and Sierra had been put in charge of gathering snacks. You’d gathered blankets, a first aid kit, and water (that everyone else forgot) the day before while Ashton was in charge of driving you all to the campsite - who thought that was a good idea was beyond you. But when you got to his apartment and saw the mess of supplies piled in the floor, Calum and Michael playing FIFA, and Luke and Sierra doing homework at the kitchen table, your complaints took on a more pointed tone.

“Still think this is a good idea, Ashton?” you questioned as you dropped your backpack onto the floor beside the couch and stood beside the pile of camping gear.

“Yes,” he nodded, face set in a determined grimace as he reached for the remote and shut off the television. Before Calum and Michael could protest, he gestured to the mess on the floor. “Come on, man,” he whined, glancing at Calum, “you were supposed to have this ready for us to load it into the car so we can leave first thing in the morning!”

“It is ready to load into the car,” Calum defended as he stood and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s gonna be like playing fucking Jenga trying to get us and all this stuff in there,” he predicted as he stared at the tents and sleeping bags. “Whose idea was this, anyway?”

“Ashton’s,” you sighed as you sank to your knees on the carpet and reached for one of the sleeping bags. “Help me refold these. Maybe we can get everything shrunk down a bit to where it’ll all fit. We have three tents, right?” you asked as you began folding the sleeping bag.

“Yep,” Luke confirmed as he followed your instructions and joined you on the floor. “Calum and Ashton in one so neither of them get too jealous,” he teased, a grin on his lips as glanced at them, “Michael and I in another, and you and Sierra in the third.”

“I thought you and Sierra were going to share,” Calum hummed as he sank onto the floor beside you.

He was far too close to you, close enough for you to smell his cologne and the shampoo he’d used in his hair, and it took everything in you not to shy away from him. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Ashton grin and you wanted to throw something at him. Although you were certain that everyone knew about your feelings for Calum, Ashton was the only one that regularly teased you for them. He made sly comments (that really weren’t so sly, not when you really thought about them) and made it a point to seat you next to him whenever possible. You knew that you were going to have to fight Michael so that you weren’t squished into the backseat beside Calum on the two hour drive to the campsite and you could already see the gears turning in Ashton’s head as he tried to think of a way to get you into a tent with Calum.

“That would mean he and I would share a tent and I’m sure he’d much rather share with you,” you answered before Ashton could and he coughed to cover his laugh. Calum glanced over at you and you desperately attempted to avoid his gaze by holding a new sleeping bag up in front of your face, pretending that you were working on folding it. You missed the frown on his lips, missed the look he sent Ashton, and you most certainly missed the look that Luke and Ashton share. 

“You know how jealous I get, Cal,” Ashton confirmed with a grin. “‘Sides, we shared a bedroom for a weekend once when we went on a trip freshman year and it was a nightmare.”

“Only because of you, Irwin,” you murmured as you worked on tightening the last sleeping bag, “only because of you.”

It took two hours but between the six of you, you managed to get all of the gear and food packed into the car with barely enough room for all of you to ride. The idea of taking two cars was tossed around but Ashton insisted that everyone could fit into the little SUV so no one argued too strongly. Instead, you all decided to call it a night and get some last minute homework done before you left. Ashton caught Calum staring at you as you left, his gaze clearly trained on you as you climbed the steps to your apartment, and he decided that it was time for the two of you to admit your feelings to one another. With a sly smile, he created a group message with Luke, Michael, and Sierra and began to work out a plan.

The next morning, you were all awake far too early for it to be a day off school and Ashton could practically feel the animosity rolling off of everyone in waves as you all dragged into the parking lot of your apartment complex to stand around his car. He laughed at the various coffee cups among you all and took a sip of his own caffeinated drink before he gestured to the car. “Hop in, everyone. Let’s get this show on the road!”

Before you could so much as blink, Michael is settled into the front seat with the seatbelt wrapped tightly around him and his mug of coffee firmly in hand. You frowned at him but you were too tired to do much more than call him a jackass and slam the door shut. As you had feared, you ended up shoved into the very back beside Calum, the insane amount of stuff packed into the vehicle pushing you close together as you attempted to find a comfortable seat.

“I can feel the tent stakes digging into my back,” he complained as he shifted in his seat to find a position that worked. “And I’m pretty sure I’m sitting on a packet of marshmallows.”

Calum smiled as you giggled at this. He loved your laugh and he loved even more to be the cause of it but despite your closeness with Ashton, you always seemed to clam up whenever he was around. Although the two of them had lived together for nearly a year now and had been friends since freshman year, you had always been a bit stiff around him. Ashton told him time and time again that you were just awkward around people you didn’t know very well but Calum had done everything in his power to get to know you. He tried to talk about FIFA with you (a game that Ashton pointed out your mutual love for), he tried to talk to you about music (he knew that you were both fans of bands like the Arctic Monkeys), and he tried to talk to you about classes or life in general but you tended to shut him down every time. He didn’t think you were really aware that you did it, it didn’t seem to be done out of meanness or spite, but he had a sinking feeling that you didn’t like him very much and the thought made him sad.

Calum had had a bit of a crush on you since Ashton introduced the two of you during freshman year. He’d thought that Ashton was into you for the longest time so he refrained from making a move. However, after learning that Ashton only saw you as a younger sibling, Calum made more of an effort. But sometimes it felt as if it was all for naught as you continued to distance yourself from him. You weren’t like this with Luke or Michael, you were almost as comfortable with them as you were with Ashton, but that comfort didn’t seem to extend to him and he wasn’t sure why. He tried asking Ashton if he’d done something to make you upset or uncomfortable around him but that only got him a laugh and a pat on the back before Ashton walked away, leaving him just as confused as before.

Whatever the issue, he hoped that spending a weekend in the woods with few distractions and not much room for either of you to run away if things got awkward would make friends out of you. He would prefer to be more than friends, of course, but at this point, he decided that he would take what he could get.

As he lost himself in his thoughts, you watched him scroll through his phone with a slight pang of regret washing over you. You’d forgotten to grab your headphones from your bag before you’d shoved it into the trunk and, although you loved Ashton’s taste in music, you’d prefer to be listening to your own playlist instead of The Beatles. Again.

When Calum regained his sense of reality and noticed you slumped in your seat, ears free of headphones and a dejected look on your face, he realized that you must’ve forgotten to grab them and hesitated for a moment before he offered you an earbud. You stared at his hand for a moment before he gave you what he liked to imagine was a charming smile because you took the earbud and shifted just a little closer to make the experience a little more comfortable for you both.

As you shared the same taste in music, his playlist was similar to the one you’d made for the drive. It wasn’t exact, there were a few bands you’d like to introduce him to (should you ever find yourself able to speak to him at length without feeling like you’re going to combust), but at least it wasn’t the same road trip playlist Ashton has had since freshman year (“You don’t change a classic, come on!”).

You didn’t notice it, you were too absorbed in the music and the view passing you by, but you and Calum drifted closer together as the trip went on. Calum wanted to talk to you, especially because this was the closest you’d ever been without running away from him, but you looked so happy watching the world pass you by that he didn’t bother. Instead, he closed his eyes and attempted to catch up on some of the sleep he missed the night before. Upon doing so, he shifted in his sleep and his head ended up on your shoulder. Although you were afraid your heart was going to beat out of your chest and you could feel your palms sweating, you didn’t move for fear of disturbing him. Instead, you remained as still as you could and attempted to forget that the weight on your shoulder was Calum as you impatiently awaited the campsite’s appearance.

You’d hoped that no one noticed Calum’s nap on your shoulder or your shared headphones but the moment you pulled up to the campsite and climbed out of the car (after an awkward smile and quiet apology from Calum), Ashton was pulling you to the trunk and grinning like a fiend as he teased, “You two looked cozy back there.”

“I’m not trying to steal your man, Irwin,” you fired back, a lame attempt at humor to keep him from pressing the matter too far like you knew he’d been prone to do.

Ashton rolled his eyes as he grabbed a tent and pulled it out of the car to hand off to Luke. “You couldn’t steal him, even if you tried,” Ashton played along, a teasing grin shot your way before he shook his head and reached for another tent, “that’s why I’m letting you have him. It wouldn’t be fair to set you up to fail when you’re so clearly in love with him.”

You choked on a sip of your water, coughing and sputtering as Ashton delighted in the look on your face. A hand touched your back, warm and gentle, and you knew without turning that it was Calum. Ashton grinned again, a look of pure mischief in his eyes, before he turned toward Luke and handed him one of the tents as Calum asked, “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” you choked out, coughing just a bit more as you nodded and looked anywhere but at him. You could feel your cheeks heating with embarrassment as he stared at you a little longer, clearly concerned, before he nodded and stepped around you to begin helping unload the gear. As he, Ashton, Michael, and Luke lugged the tents and sleeping bags toward the campsite, you and Sierra grabbed the bags with food and water. When they were far enough away from the two of you, you turned to Sierra and groaned, “Why am I such an idiot? Like, why can’t I just be normal around him?”

“Because you find him incredibly attractive and just a bit intimidating because you’re nervous he won’t like you and things will be awkward,” she answered, practiced and even as though she’d said the same words a hundred times before (mostly because she had, every time you’ve done something mildly embarrassing in front of Calum). When you fixed her with an unimpressed glare, she rolled her eyes. “It’s just Calum,” she reassured you as she hoisted the bag higher up on her shoulder and began the walk to the campsite with you hurrying to catch up. “He’s hot, yeah, but he’s an idiot. He’s a total nerd and shouldn’t be intimidating at all but he’s hot and quiet so he has that whole mysterious thing going on, I guess.”

“Reasonably, I know that,” you groaned as you picked at a loose string on the tote you’d placed some of the food in, “but, like. I don’t know. He’s perfect, Sierra! He’s pretty, yeah, but we have so much in common and he’s smart and talented and sweet and so overwhelming! I see him and I just get overwhelmed.”

Sierra blinked, surprised by your outburst, before she hummed, “That sounds like a personal problem.” When you scoffed and slapped her arm, she giggled and shook her head. “I’m kidding! I get it,” she nodded, “you’re overwhelmed. You’re concerned that the fantasy won’t match the reality or that you’ll make things weird or something else totally unlikely to happen. But you’ve got to give it a chance. You’ll never know if you don’t try. And, besides, if things don’t work out then you can always keep avoiding him. Not much will change.”

“I don’t know if I love you or hate you right now,” you mumbled as the two of you continued up the trail to the campsite.

Ahead of you, Ashton was rolling his eyes at Calum’s rambling about how embarrassed he was that he fell asleep on your shoulder. “I mean, she hates me,” he groaned as he shifted his grip on the tent. “It’s clear that she hates me and I fell asleep on her and I think I drooled on her shoulder. So, she’s clearly never going to speak to me ever again.”

“Like she talks to you so much now?” Michael teased, a grin on his face that Calum couldn’t see.

“Oh, leave him alone,” Luke chided playfully as he bit back his laughter at Calum’s whine, “he’s just going to pine until we graduate and then in twenty years, after they’re both married with kids, reminisce about her as being the one that got away.”

“I hate all of you,” Calum deadpanned as he dropped the tent onto the ground. “The whole lot of you, fucking awful.”

“We love you, too, mate,” Ashton cheered. The three of them fell silent for a moment, glancing around the open space, before the snapping of twigs and crunching of leaves brought their attention to you and Sierra. The two of you entered the small clearing, Sierra still grinning and you looking just as annoyed as Calum, and promptly placed the bags onto the small picnic table near the edge.

“We should get some firewood,” Ashton proposed as the six of you stood around the clearing without a clear direction of what to do next. You could see the mischief in his eyes once again, a sign that you weren’t going to like the words that came out of his mouth next, and you could tell what he was going to say before he asked you and Calum to go gather the wood. “The rest of us will get the tents set up,” he promised and before you could open your mouth to question why it couldn’t be you and Sierra or even you and him, Ashton turned away from you and began to busy himself with a tent as the others followed his lead.

You watched for a moment as Luke, Michael, Sierra, and Ashton scattered around, staring intently at sleeping bags or tents in an effort not to look at you or Calum. You could see Ashton’s shoulders shaking with silent laughter, you could see Sierra glance at you out of the corner of her eye, and you could see Michael nudge Luke and you knew that Calum saw it, too. The two of you stood there for a moment, staring at your idiot friends, before you sighed and turned to face him. “They’re not going to drop the charade,” you sighed, your voice far quieter than you intended, “let’s go find some wood.”

You swore you could hear Ashton mumble, “I’m sure Calum knows where to find some wood for you,” and you paused to grab a roll of paper towels and tossed them at his head before you followed Calum into the woods.

The two of you were silent as you gathered wood that looked suitable for a fire. It was somewhat awkward and you were frustrated at the task you’d been given. You’d never been camping so you were really not sure what you were looking for and you made Calum aware of that as you stared at a pile of dry branches. “I honestly have no idea what we’re supposed to be gathering. What burns best? What doesn’t burn at all? Why can’t I just shove all of Ashton’s belongings into a pile and use that as a base for a fire?”

Calum laughed at your obvious frustration with your mutual best friend and pointed to a few branches off to the side. “I think those will work,” he shrugged as he waited for you to gather them and place them on the growing pile in his arms. “We can send the others out later to get more if our selection isn’t what they wanted.”

“I’m honestly just hoping they’ll all realize how terrible an idea it is to spend three days in the wilderness when we could be bored and annoyed with our circumstances in an area with cell phone reception,” you sighed as you reached for yet another branch before frowning at the dampness of it. “Gross.”

Calum watched you hesitate for a moment before you wiped your hands on your jeans with a frown. He could tell that the outdoors really weren’t your thing, or maybe they were and you were just annoyed with the circumstances, but he was determined to capitalize on the time you were being forced to spend together. So, he asked, “What were you going to do with the weekend? Before Ashton roped you into coming along, of course.”

“Sleep,” you answered nearly immediately and he nodded as if it was the most sensible answer you could give. “I’ve got papers and projects coming up and I know I’m going to be chugging coffee and pretending that I’ll catch up on the sleep I’ve missed at some point so I figured I would get a head start. Maybe watch a movie or rewatch Teen Wolf for the millionth time, too,” you shrugged before you sighed, “but, alas, I am in the middle of nowhere without wifi or even enough service to text my mom and tell her that she’d be proud of me for touching something that got my hands dirty.”

That was the most you’d ever said to Calum in a single conversation and he was mildly surprised that you’d said so much (you were surprised yourself, though you imagined it was only because you weren’t looking at him that you’d been able to speak so much). But regardless of his surprise, he didn’t question it. Instead, he nodded and said, “I was just gonna play FIFA.”

You glanced up at him, curious to see the look on his face, and when you caught sight of his smile and the amused look in his eyes, you rolled yours and smiled. After that, the pair of you continued to work in silence. This time, the silence was less awkward and more contemplative. You were trying your hardest to remember that Calum was, indeed, just Calum. No matter how attractive you found him or how perfect you’d come to think he was, he was just a guy who was likely going to be in your life until you graduated (at the very least). The least you could do was try to act like a fully functioning human around him.

Calum, on the other hand, was trying his hardest to figure out how to keep the momentum going. Although it wasn’t much, a little progress was better than none at all. However, he didn’t want to force it. He was glad that you talked to him on your own without prodding so he left it and allowed the two of you to continue searching for firewood in a somewhat comfortable silence.

And everything was fine, better than fine, really. Until the two of you returned to camp to find all of the tents set up and inhabited except the last one. Outside the green tent Calum chose just for you, you see your backpack sitting beside Calum’s. You blinked at the items for a moment before you stomped across the clearing to the tent that you can hear Michael and Ashton giggling in.

“What,” you snapped as you shoved the side of their tent, “and I can’t stress this enough, the actual fuck?”

“Michael wanted to share with me!” Ashton shouted just as Michael answers, “Ashton made me do it but we’re not switching, I’m comfortable!”

“You both suck and you will wake up in the lake tomorrow, I hope you’re aware of that,” you huffed before you shoved the tent once more and returned to the tent you were now going to be sharing with Calum. He met your gaze and it took every ounce of self-restraint you had not to turn your head or look away as he rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “I’ll make Ashton trade with me,” he told you as he reached for his backpack. “They’re just being dumb.”

You hesitated, unsure of whether this was a dumb idea or not, but Calum looked so dejected and sheepish that you didn’t want to hurt his feelings further. So, you shook your head. “It’s fine,” you sighed as you grabbed your own backpack and unzipped the tent. “They are being dumb but it’s just a few nights,” you shrugged, attempting to keep your cool as you brushed past him to get into the tent. “Anyway, I could use your help to drag them into the lake tonight.”

As the six of you settled into your tents, you could hear Ashton and Michael laughing at some joke or scheme and Luke and Sierra chatting about the concert they planned to go to after finals. You and Calum were quiet, awkwardly moving around one another and attempting to keep some space between you even though it was proving to be incredibly difficult. As Calum moved to unfold his sleeping back, balancing on his knees and leaning over to get it stretched out, he managed to lose his balance and fell straight into you. The pair of you collapsed onto the ground in a heap, legs awkwardly bent and arms locked between one another as you stilled in surprise. You were both frozen for a moment, unsure of what just happened, and the situation was only made worse by Ashton unzipping the tent flap and yelling, “Finally!” upon seeing your position.

You and Calum quickly scrambled to put some distance between one another but the excitement spread among your friends and you were forced to listen to Ashton ramble about how in love with Calum you were as Michael retorted that Calum wasn’t any better. You didn’t dare to look at him but you could feel the warmth in your cheeks and you were half hoping the ground would open up and swallow you whole.

However, as soon as Sierra dragged the others away to give you both a minute, Calum was quick to apologize. After he apologized for bowling you over, he paused before he added, “I’m sorry about them, too. Idiots, the lot of them.”

“Yeah,” you nodded as you glanced out the open flap toward the campsite. “Idiots.” You were both silent for a moment before you decided to give Sierra’s suggestion a shot. Ashton had already yelled it for the world to hear and if things didn’t work out, you knew that one of them would readily switch tents with you. So after a beat of silence, you mumbled, “He’s not wrong, though.”

Calum blinked, a bit confused, before he realized what you meant. He could feel his heart rate skyrocket and his palms begin to sweat as he shifted a little closer to you. He wanted to believe that you meant you were just as into him as he was into you but he didn’t want to assume something that wasn’t true. So he asked, “About what?”

Part of you had hoped that he would just accept that as your confession and move along but you’d never been that lucky. So, instead of delaying the inevitable, you replied, “That I’m into you. That’s why I’m weird around you. Sorry.”

Calum was elated to hear your confession and didn’t hesitate in shifting a little closer to you. “You’re into me?” he questioned and when you nodded, still not looking at him, he grinned. “I’m into you, too,” he assured you quietly. “I have been since Ashton introduced us. I thought you didn’t like me.”

“I like you a lot,” you rushed, your words tumbling quickly out of your mouth. “You’re just fucking intimidating. You’re hot, yeah, but you’re smart and talented and passionate and loyal and a good person and-“ Calum cut you off in the middle of your rambling with a soft press of his lips to yours. The kiss didn’t last long, barely long enough to stop your anxious flow of words, and you wanted to be angry that he cut you off mid-sentence, however, you couldn’t find it within yourself.

Calum looked sheepish as he pulled away, his cheeks pink and his smile timid. “Sorry,” he laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “I couldn’t help myself. I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time.”

“I’m glad you did,” you nodded, a smile on your lips as you bring a hand up to your mouth. Calum grinned at the gesture and leaned in once more to press a soft kiss to the back of your hand before he moved it and placed another chaste kiss to your lips. 

The two of you sat there for a moment, lips barely inches apart and eyes closed, before the banging of a hand against your tent sent you jumping backward.

“Sorry to interrupt, lovebirds,” Ashton grinned and you could tell that he wasn’t sorry at all as he leaned his head into the open tent flap, “but we’re about to make food. Come on!”

“When are we going to push them out into the lake?” Calum asked as he made his way out of the tent and reached out for your hand to help you up.

When he didn’t let go, only grinned at you and gently squeezed your hand, you matched his grin and shook your head. “I’m down for now, honestly. The sooner we get them in the lake, the sooner they leave us alone.”

“Hey, if we’d have left you alone, you’d both be alone,” Ashton pointed out as he tossed you a bag of hot dog buns. “You’re welcome.”

Though you didn’t really want to admit it, Ashton was right. If he’d left well enough alone, both you and Calum would still be attempting to keep your distance without knowing how the other felt. Though things weren’t completely settled yet, you knew that you at least had a future that didn’t involve avoiding one another and attempting to keep your growing feelings under wrap.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll thank Ashton for that one day.

________________________________________________________

Author’s Note: I don’t think I ever posted this anywhere. Even if I did, it was originally for Ben and I just switched it to Calum. Anyway. That’s it for the fics that I have finished and have just edited. Maybe I should’ve spaced them out but it’s not like anyone reads them anyway. So, I guess it doesn’t matter. Okie. Well. I really want to work on my 80s fic but, like. Motivation is seriously hard to find. And a Buffy fic but I feel like no one will read either of them so, like, what’s the point you know? I know that’s dumb but. I don’t know. Anyway. I’m gonna go watch more Buffy so that I get out of my head. I’ve never gotten past season 4 so maybe I will this time.

#calum hood imagine #calum hood imagines #5sos imagine #5sos imagines #5sos x reader #5sos x you #calum hood preference #calum hood fanfiction #calum hood fanfic #5 seconds of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer imagines #5sos fanfic #5sos fanfiction #5sos stories #5sos one shot #5 seconds of summer fanfiction #5 seconds of summer preferences #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer preference #calum hood x you #calum hood x reader #mine

[taeminsphltrum]

Stained (M)

Chae Hyungwon | Big Brother!Shownu | College!AU | Crack | Light Smut | WC: 5k

♥ summary: kihyun stole your dance partner, and hyungwon took the opportunity to replace him.

(this went from 1k to 5k? how???)

Anyone who knows you—and even those who don't know you all that well—knows that this is your scene.

A plethora of liquor bottles and juice to choose from to fill your red cup up to the brim taking up the entire space of someone's countertop. Music so loud with the bass turned all the way up that it vibrates throughout your body and makes you want to dance, whether you know the song or not. Different cliques mixing with the help of pills and potions. People screaming, dancing, running, passing joints, making out on the main floor, while others who drank too much, didn't know their limit when smoking, or pairs who needed some privacy are a flight of stairs away from the madness. The attention you get when dancing in the middle of the makeshift dance floor or when lounging on a couch and sipping your poison.

You love parties, really. Friday and Saturday nights after a week of attending all of your classes, diligently taking notes during lectures and studying for hours after your last class in the comfortable lounge chairs in the library and dragging your feet back into your dorm with droopy eyes and constant yawning. Weekends give you the excuse to make yourself way prettier than you are during the week, switching yoga pants, sweatpants and jeans out for cute dresses and skirts. Putting more effort into your hair and makeup to make sure you look as edible as possible because it makes you feel good. And maybe because you also attract the attention of the same few guys you've been playing a game of push and pull with.  A couple of kisses here and there, wandering hands that don't go far with the pretense that you're the biggest tease, when really, after a few drinks you're in the mood to make out with someone and nothing more most of the time.

But why you thought it would be a good idea to come to your brother's frat party without your best friend is beyond you.

Hoseok is your other half. It's hard to catch the two of you without each other outside of classes, especially on the weekends. An iconic duo you are. You don't want to toot your own horn, but your brother always wants the two of you at his frat house when they throw parties because you two give them life and make others want to come.

He's by your side the whole time unless one of you found someone you want to have a little moment with, drinking, socializing and dancing together, causing others to stare and eventually want to join in.

But recently he's found his soulmate. The last few weekends you haven't stuck to your routine because weekends are now for him and Kihyun. You admit, Kihyun is perfect for him and they're cute as hell, but you miss having fun the last couple of days of the week.

Which is why once it hit six, you started getting ready. Showering and shaving a bit, moisturizing a little more than usual because you know someone is going to have their hand's on you. Your hair was done to messy perfection, the intensity of your eyes enhanced a little with eyeshadow and eyeliner and a liquid lipstick to set a pout that shouldn’t transfer.

And here you are, sipping on a beer your brother handed you when you walked through the front door, eyeing the people paired up and in groups, some of the basketball players and cheerleaders taking up the space of the couches in the living room and playing a game with lots of laughing and touching involved. A few girls from your classes have made conversation with you when experimenting with new concoctions to try out and they were nice and all but it just doesn't feel the same without your partner in crime.

"Yah," your brother calls for you, making his way through a crowd in front of the kitchen's entrance. He's had a bit to drink and he has his adorable eye-crinkle and lip curl that everyone falls in love with.

"Yes, Woo?"

"You've been here for like, twenty minutes and it usually takes half of that time for you and Hoseok to be gross. Where is he? And why aren't you two dancing?"

You glare at him over the rim of your can. "You decided to introduce him to your best friend and now he's on a date instead of here," you smile bitterly after setting your drink down beside you on the counter.

Hyunwoo gives you a guilty smile and an awkward pat on the shoulder. "Ki was getting on my nerves about how handsome and thick he is and I was gonna fight him if he mentioned his ass one more time," he rolls his eyes, pointing to your beer can. You hand it to him and he finishes it off within a few gulps, burps loudly and tosses it in the trash. "I mean, my ass looks better his, does it not?"

After looking at him for a while to see if he was joking, you snort. He's dead serious. And you're going to keep your opinion to yourself on this one.

"Anyway," you sniff, gesturing lazily to the multiple bottles beside you. "You should make me something because I'm bored and I'm not tipsy enough to dance by myself."

You move out of the way to give him room to work when he walks forward and bumps your hip with his own.

"I'll convince Ki to come next weekend. Hoseok picks the best songs and it just isn't the same without you two dry fucking in the middle of my living room."

Staringly dumbly at the back of his head, you scoff.

"First of all, we're not even that bad," Hyunwoo looks over his right shoulder to give you a please look and you continue with a fake snarl. "and, you really think I'll be able to do my signature moves on him when Kihyun will be watching? That's disrespectful."

Your brother laughs and shakes his head, not commenting on your statement until he's done with your drink, taking a sip to see if it meets his expectations. Hyunwoo turns and hands it to you, stealing your position against the counter, leaning with his palms flat against it and fingers curled around the edge.

"I really almost fought Kihyun for the comments he's made about you before he knew you were my sister," he deadpans, smiling when you try to smile at his protectiveness but choke on the experimental sip you take. It's strong with a hint of fruitiness and you were expecting something a little tamer. But then again you asked for something to get you tipsy fast. "So if anything, watching you grind on Seok will give him an instant boner and he'll want to bone both of you. Most likely at the same time."

The next gulp you take isn't as bad and it leaves a fuzzing feeling on its way down your throat and chest. It's only been a couple of weeks but you miss this feeling.

"Yeah, I think I'll pass," you scrunch your nose.

The new song that resonates throughout the huge house is a current favorite of yours and your hips start slightly swaying side to side by themselves. Another gulp with a bubble wanting to burst out your throat has you looser than you felt from the half can of beer you had before.

"So why are you babysitting me and not getting some ass?"

He gives you a look of faux offense, placing a light hand over his chest to top off his performance.

"Because I love you dearly and I never want to see you with such a miserable expression. I could see your pout from the other side of the house. By the way, love the lip color. Isn't that the one I picked out?"

You simply blink at him and ignore the urge to gag because the two of you are close but he's not that great of a sibling and he sucks at acting. And yes, it is the color he picked out from the swatches you had on the back of your hand when you two went to Sephora to find something for your mom's birthday.

"Okay fine. None of the girls are catching my eye tonight," he sighs, grabbing the near empty bottle of whipped vodka next to him. "And the one that did was too drunk to kiss me properly and I really almost threw up in her mouth at how much tongue she was using." He waterfalls the remaining liquid into his mouth and doesn't so much as cringe and you watch in amusement and mild admiration.

You look to your left and stand on the tips of your toes, trying to look over the heads of the group still in front of the kitchen's entrance to find a girl that catches your eye. You kind of want to dance now and you don't want to leave him until you find him some entertainment.

"What about..." you drag, eyes sweeping left and right until they land on a cute brunette that's chatting with a friend near the foyer leading to the front door, smiling a pretty smile and nursing a red cup. "her in the blush pink dress over there?" you grab Hyunwoo's hand to bring him closer to you so he can get a look at the girl you point to. "She's cute and not sloppy drunk. Her friend is cute, too," you wiggle your brows when he glances at you after your last statement.

"So who should I go for?"

"Go make conversation and see who interests you more and work from that. Now shoo," you give his shoulder a small shove. He gives you that eye-crinkling smile again before walking up to the friends.

And now you entertain yourself. Taking the last few gulps of your drink and making yourself dizzy from how fast you swallow it down, you toss the cup into the bin filled with plastic cups and paper plates, then make your way to the living room where a group of people is dancing. Your hips start up a slow wind, your eyes closing after a while. You let your body move on its own, and halfway into the next song big hands settle on each side of your waist, the top of your back connecting to a hard chest. Tilting your head back and to the right, you open your eyes and see a tall brunette with the most inviting lips you've ever seen.

You send him a sly smile and close your eyes again, keeping your head leaned back against his chest. You put a little more effort into the movement of your ass and hips, swaying your lower half side to side then swapping the movements in favor of circling your ass on his lower stomach. The grip on your sides drops a little lower, sliding down until long fingers are clinging right above your hips a little tighter than before. And when his hips start rolling, making sure to grind against you in time with the beat, you forgive Kihyun for stealing Hoseok. What you're doing with the guy you're sure is in one of your lectures is a tamer version of how you and your partner in crime catch the attention of the party, but you might actually prefer dancing with Pretty Lips.

A song passes and you've gotten more comfortable with your new dance partner, leaned forward with your hands on your knees and your ass hitting every beat against his crotch. He's gotten more comfortable, his hands heavy on your hips and his own hips moving with yours. You want another drink but you don't want to separate from this man. He hasn't said a word to you and you haven't gotten a full look at his face but the few glances you've gotten since he approached you have you satisfied and you're enjoying yourself. Eyes have drifted to the two of you, including your brother's and when you make eye contact with him he gives you the same wiggle of his brows you gave him earlier, leaned against the wall with his arm around the pretty brunette's waist, the other girl nowhere to be found. You also meet Minhyuk's eyes, and he's watching your interaction with a jealous gaze, so you smile and wink at him.

As you straighten your back, the hands on your hips turn you until you're facing the opposite direction. You look up at him. He sure is a sight for sore eyes.

He leans down until his lips are close to your ear. "Where's your boyfriend? This is my first time seeing you here without him."

His voice is a blend of deep and soft and it has your eyes closing. Your bodies don't stop moving, pressed together swaying side to side.

He comes here often with his team, and every time his eyes gravitated to you dancing with the buff male, having the time of your life with a bottle in your hand.

You chuckle, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him just a little closer. "You have some nerve coming up behind me when you know I have a man."

No matter if Hyunwoo invited you, you wouldn't come here without your boyfriend if you had one. Not that you can't control yourself, but you can't control others. But the fact this guy—who smells like expensive cologne—had so much confidence to start grinding on you then ask about your boyfriend like it's nothing is entertaining.

"You don't seem to be complaining."

His confidence is attractive and it makes you laugh again.

"Because the boyfriend you speak of is actually with his boyfriend."

The body against yours stills, but then his arms are wrapping around your waist loosely, his hands clasped right above your ass.

You two could've fooled him.

"In that case, I'm Hyungwon. Nice to meet you... even though we're in the same Stats class."

You back your head up a little to look at his face and he flashes a smile at you. You're laughing again with a shake of your head. You thought he looked vaguely familiar.

"If we're going to give formal greetings and have a conversation, maybe we shouldn't be where the music is the loudest in the house?"

You let go of him and he does the same. Turning on your heel, you hold your hand out for him to grab before working your way through the bodies surrounding you, leading him down a quiet hallway with no bodies hanging around.

"So," you sniff, leaning again the wall next to folded doors that expose a washing machine and dryer. "You must often enjoy the show Hoseok and I put on... yet I've never seen you here before."

"That's because I come for the free booze then dip when I'm drunk enough," Hyungwon explains, lifting an arm and resting his hand on the wall above and to the right of your head.

You hum, nodding your head. "So what made you change your mind tonight?"

"I haven't seen you the last couple of parties, then you show up alone and looking like a snack. I couldn't help myself."

"Even though you thought I had a boyfriend," you tease with a smile, fingers playing with the part of his shirt that's tucked into the front of his jeans.

"Had to give it a shot just in case I was reading the situation wrong the whole time. And look where we are now."

Hyungwon wears his smirk nicely, but you kind of want to kiss it off. So you tilt your head back and lessen the space between your faces as subtly as possible.

"Woah," he leans his head back, noticing your not-so-slick move, "what makes you think I want to kiss you?"

Your lips curve down it a pout. All the dancing and touching and compliments and banter, and he wants to turn you down like this.

He laughs. "You're cute."

"Yeah, that's why you have me up against this wall," you reply flatly.

Laughing louder this time, Hyungwon runs his free hand up your hip and stops at your side to gently bring you closer, your shoulders staying against the wall.

"Are you drunk or just this bold?" he asks, dipping down some to be at eye level with you.

"Tipsy and horny."

How direct you are is oddly refreshing to Hyungwon. He's used to girls being too afraid to speak their mind or initiate anything. While you're not exactly throwing yourself at him, you've made it clear you're interested and want him.

His height and plump lips were enough to have you under his spell, but the confidence he oozes was the icing on the cake. Not to mention his large hands feeling you up had your panties dampening in an instant.

"I see," he hums, his long arms allowing him to venture his hand lower to brush his fingertips right under the hem of your dress. "That's too bad."

You scoff, rolling your eyes. "Well, if you're just gonna keep playing games, I'm gonna go. There are plenty of other guys here that have been begging to fuck me," you say boredly but show no signs of actually wanting to move away from him.

"Something tells me you don't want them, though," Hyungwon smiles, his digits splaying across a cheek. "You want me instead, don't you?"

Shrugging, you lift your arms to slide your palms up his chest, the white cotton bunching up and wrinkling. "Yeah, but you talk too much."

His smile widens, head shaking before plush lips are pressing into yours. The first pass of his lips are gentle, but then he puts more pressure into the kiss, the hand against the wall coming down to grip your waist tightly. This is better than you imagined, better than your other go-to party guys when you get in this mood. His lips are slightly chapped compared to yours but they're everything you've been craving and more.

"Happy?" he asks when he pulls away, releasing your waist in favor of swiping his thumb under your mouth to wipe off the tiniest of spit bubbles.

"Not really."

"Then what would make you happy?"

You give him a pointed look. "Don't ask dumb questions, Hyungwon."

He likes you, he concludes.

"You see I would," he drags out, tilting his head slowly, purposely taking his time explaining because he loves the way your eyes are squinting at him now. “But I actually have to leave soon.” He checks his watch for show.

“If you want to continue this when neither of us is on other people’s time, you could always give me your number. I’d hate to leave you unsatisfied.”

You breathe out with a raise of your perfectly done brows. “And how do I know you’ll satisfy me?”

“I guess you’ll have to find out after I take you out on a few dates,” he winks, the hand still on your rear giving a small squeeze.

A few? You usually don’t come here looking for someone to sleep with but you’ve found the perfect candidate and not only is he about to leave you high and dry, he wants you to wait for a few dates to pass in order to give you what you want. Something in your chest fuzzes up at the thought of him wanting to wine and dine you before trying to get into your pants, but your tipsy mind focuses on the dampness of your panties and the feeling of his body so close to yours.

“Why a few? Because you’re a terrible fuck and girls lose interest by the second date?” you choose to say instead of whining about wanting to be satisfied now.

The laugh he gives you in response doesn’t have any bitterness behind it, but he’s shaking his head again.

“You keep trying my life.”

His hands slide down the curvature of your ass and spread along the back of your thighs, his body bending forward a little so he can catch the back of your thighs and lift you up. He steps to his right and dodges the folded door of the laundry room, gently plopping you down onto the washing machine.

You look up at him with wide eyes.

Hyungwon ignores the question in your gaze, swooping down and slanting his lips over yours roughly. You almost smile at the reaction your banter managed to pull out of him but you don’t get the opportunity to when your bottom lip is being bitten into. He laps at your lip before sucking it in his mouth all while spreading your legs further apart, pulling your lower body closer to his. You dress gets bunched up to your hips and his crotch aligns with your perfectly. The first roll of his hips has your lips faltering against his, but then his tongue is slithering into your mouth and he repeats the action of his hips, resulting in a muffled moan from you.

“Hyungwon,” you breathe against his mouth, cutting yourself off with a low whine when he angles his hips just right, his bulge digging right into your clit. Your hands fumble to curl around his neck to bring him even closer and use him as leverage. “Someone could come back here and s—shit—see us like this,” you struggle to get out. You should’ve thought harder about bringing him to this part of the house because your brother’s room is only feet away from where Hyungwon is making you fall apart and he could walk back here any second with that brunette. He isn’t a cockblock or super protective over you but he’s told you before if he catches you fucking in his house...

“You’ve been whining about my dick this whole time and now you’re complaining?”

“I wasn’t whining, assh—,” you start to retort until the smooth rolling of his hips stops in favor of him thrusting against you roughly every time his hips come back in contact with yours. “Oh god keep doing that.” Hyunwoo will be okay.

You catch the smile that tugs the corner of Hyungwon’s lips before his face drops down, peppering kisses up your jaw. “Thought you wanted me to stop?”

His lips catch onto the corner of your jawline, sucking and making your eyes close, your body relaxing into his even more. 

“I lied. I want you to make me come.”

Your words stop the motion of his lower half, his suckling pausing. 

“I’ll blow you or something next time, just please.”

You might be whining, but you can’t find it in you to care too much. The pressure against your clit is amazing and you’re so sensitive at this point you're sure he can have you completely falling apart within a few minutes.

The low cut of your dress gives him the perfect opportunity to tug the collar down under your breasts and his lips wrap around a hardened bud, hips grounding down in between yours harder than before with purpose. Your legs wrap around him, your chest sticking out to get closer and help his hunched over form straighten up a bit. Hyungwon gives the other side of your chest the same attention, sighs and moans falling from your lips as you get closer and closer to the edge.

When he sits up to reconnect your lips the pressure between your legs grows, the friction of his rough jeans through thin cotton even better than before and the rise and fall of your chest speeds up, the music blasting seemingly dull as a slight ringing fills your ears. You can barely kiss him back, jaw slackened and high whines leaving your mouth so he just sucks on your tongue, tasting strong liquor. The final straw is his fingers pinching at your sensitive nipples, your orgasm washing over you, moan getting caught in your throat. Your eyes are squeezed shut, muscles tensed and body stiff against Hyungwon’s form until his hips are still and the pinching turns into soothing swipes of his thumbs. 

He backs his head up, taking in the look of pure bliss on your pretty face. “Good?” 

Your eyes slowly open to see him smiling down at you, and instead of responding you lean up to kiss him again. Your lips are lazy but it just makes him laugh softly, cupping the sides of your face and humming into the kiss after bringing the collar of your dress back up for you. 

“I really have to go now,” he mumbles against your lips after a while, so you unwrap your legs.

“I could always suck your dick now instead of later,” you suggest because you really don’t want your time to end with him yet. You can see the mental debate he’s having with himself through his eyes, and since his immediate response wasn’t to agree, you sigh. “You probably have a girlfriend waiting for you, huh?” you say with an exhale of amusement. 

And you’d be just as bad of a person as he is if this is true because you really don’t want to end the night like this. Not to mention now that you know he’s in one of your classes, with your luck you’ll start noticing him and think about tonight and how torturous would that be?

“I wouldn’t be dry fucking you if I had a girlfriend,” he retorts flatly.

“Oh, so it wouldn’t be a problem if I,” you start, leaning forward to attach your lips to the side of his neck, giving him a small peck before parting your lips to let you tongue flick over his pulse point. The hands on your upper thighs squeeze at the meat of them tightly when you bare your teeth to nibble at his flesh, sucking until you know a mark will be left. “do that?”

“Not with a girlfriend, but with the idiots I’m about to take home,” Hyungwon answers once you’re back at eye level with him, the look in his eyes intense. “They’re gonna think I was taking so long because I was getting my dick wet.”

Sounds fake, but you humor him.

“Is that so?”

Hyungwon studies your face and can that you aren’t convinced that he really is the DD for the night. So he nods, reaching into his back pocket to pull out his phone. Turning the screen towards you, he shows you the shitload of messages that are asking him where the fuck he is, some in all caps because apparently Changkyun just puked and Jooheon has to work in the morning.

Hm. Maybe he is telling the truth.

With a sigh you drop your arms back down to your sides, pressing your palms flat against the top of the washing machine for leverage to scoot yourself back some.

You nod your head in the general direction of where the front door should be. “I won’t keep you any longer.”

He swiftly unlocks his phone with his thumb on the home button before flipping it back in your direction. You drag your fingertips across the back of his hand when grabbing the device, quickly entering your number and saving it under your name and a kissy emoji.

Hyungwon steps back, putting his phone back in his pocket and you take the time to give him one last once-over. You almost pout at the fact your lipstick actually does transfer and has stained his plump lips a soft berry color, but then you’re biting your lip to suppress the laugh that threatens to bubble out of your throat at the sight of a wet stain right on his crotch. His friends will be spot on with their accusations.

Looking down to see why your face is doing what it’s doing, Hyungwon lets out his own deep laugh. He untucks the front of his shirt and the cotton covers the spot perfectly.

Long ass shirts come in handy.

“I’ll text you,” he takes another step back. 

He’s met with the sight of your dress bunched up around your hips and a large, dark purple spot in the center of your very light purple panties before you scoot forward and leap pf the machine.

After situating your clothes you increase your height, standing on our toes to give him a quick peck. But then that leads to another one. And another. And another one until you push at his chest and go back to your regular height to stop his next incoming kiss.

He watches you walk into the bathroom a couple doors away from where you left him before he finally gains enough sense to walk back into the party and find Jooheon and Changkyun. 

And when you’re back in the kitchen with another drink in your hand, vibing to the music, your thigh vibrates. Pulling your phone out of your dress’ pocket, you don’t even check to see what the message says, but seeing a message from an unknown number brings a smile to your lips.

(lol half of this was a dream i had about hyungwon a while ago)

#monsta x scenarios #monsta x scenario #monsta x smut #mxwriters #kpocwriters #hyungwon scenarios #hyungwon scenario #hyungwon smut #mx scenarios #mx scenario #mx smut

[immortalpramheda]

PLL ‘Till DeAth Do Us PArt’

Well, this is it. The final episode of Pretty Little Liars. I'll be honest, I had very low expectations for the finale. And I was even more disappointed than I expected to be. I guess some part of me hoped that we'd get lots of answers, and I’d be able to go back and rewatch from the beginning and piece it all together. But of course that didn’t happen. I’ve had some time to process it all and I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I did. The finale was a ridiculous mess but I did enjoy it. It was just a bit unsatisfying. I don’t know what else I expected from the show though. And don’t get me started on the full circle ending. So, here goes. The final ever analysis of a new PLL episode.

The beginning of the episode was so… odd. The Liars are just chatting. Their conversation was really weird. About frozen panties or some shit. Then Lucas comes along tap dancing. Umm??? I did not expect that to be the last we saw of Lucas. And then Jenna comes along riding on a horse. Okay?? And then it starts snowing… and it was just Mona looking into a snow globe. Imagine if the episode had ended like that??? If it was all Mona’s imagination. That would have actually been amazing! Anyway, the person in the back hoodie comes to visit Mona (in Welby I think she was) and she says she never would have guessed it was them. It must have been Wren!

All of the girls doing the shhh in the opening credits was amazing!! The perfect way to end the beginning of the final episode.

The first half of the episode focused on all the ships. I found myself getting bored for the majority of it. It was pretty much just fan service. And it felt different. It had a very different vibe.

Ezria were planning their wedding. I am so happy they acknowledged Aria’s ugly cry!! That was amazing! Aria can’t have kids. It was heartbreaking when she broke down and told Ezra. And they had that song that was playing when they found Maya’s body. Why are they messing with my emotions like this??

A year later, Emison have twins. Twin girls. Seriously, how many twin girls are there in Rosewood?? Okay, they’re just acting like a family and forgetting the fact that A.D violated Ali like that. Ali proposed. Which was pretty sweet, but I still don’t care. They do make a cute family, but I'm sorry, I just cannot support their relationship after everything that has happened.

I am so happy that Melissa was back!! I was so, so excited to see her in the black hoodie! That was everything I ever wanted! But… my heart sunk when it was revealed it was only Mona wearing a very realistic looking mask. Anyway, it was great to get to see Melissa in a black hoodie at least once. It really suited her. It was a missed opportunity not making her A.

Spoby! Spencer and Toby have always been my OTP and we got some great Spoby scenes. Or so I thought. I got so emotional when they were playing Scrabble. My Spoby heart! That is how they first bonded. That was the beginning of Spoby. They had their first kiss the morning after the first time they played Scrabble. And the S scrabble piece necklace that Toby gave her. Scrabble is their thing. I got really emotional watching that. ‘Limerence’. That was the final word of their game. The kind of unrequited love. My heart!! There were so many great Spoby scenes on the episode. But to think none of them were actually Spoby.

Haleb. I’m so bored of them. Don’t have much to say about them. Mona caused some drama in their relationship. Hanna was trying tog get pregnant. And in the end she did. Pretty boring typical stuff. So much unnecessary drama. We all know they’re going to have happy endings.

Umm, the HBO level sex. Okay… Lol I was cringing so hard at those scenes. And the music… Just, I was questioning what I was watching?

The Lost Woods Resort has been remade. It’s no longer a creepy place. It was nice to see them all chatting like adults for once. All of them together.

So, Addison is the new Alison. A bitchy mean girl. She is exactly how Alison used to be. And she has her own clique, with 4 other girls. It’s literally the Liars all over again. And a new A for their generation. I’m not sure how I feel about that whole thing. One of them is Maya’s niece. Jenna though. I love her! “I can smell a bitch a mile away.” ICONIC!

Mona! So, she has been working for A.D. She was told to wear the Melissa mask and spy on the Liars. And this whole time she’s had no idea who A.D was.

Mary is still in prison. When Spencer met with her it was so weird. That’s when I started to suspect that maybe that wasn’t Spencer. Their conversation was odd and full of twin clues.

The Wine Moms!! They mentioned the basement but we still don’t know how they got out! So good to see them get drunk together again. They need a spin off show!

So Spencer just threw herself at Toby. It made my Spoby heart happy, but none of this was actually even Spoby! I am so mad. Spoby shippers were robbed by this ending.

When Spencer was back in the barn, when just a second ago she was with Toby, that’s when I knew for sure they were going there. And when Mona slapped her. “De ja vu bitch!” OMG!!! And then she woke up in the strange room. It was like the Dollhouse all over again.

They went there!! They actually went there! Twincer/Spencerietta is confirmed!! Spencer was staring at her reflection and her reflection did something different and I was shaking. I can't believe they actually went there! I knew it, but I still hoped it would be something better.

Alex Drake. Spencer’s twin sister. She lived in London. She happened to meet Wren one day when he came into the bar she worked at. He was convinced it was Spencer. He’s always had a thing for her. He ordered a vodka soda which is what Spencer ordered back in S1. Omg I was dying at this point!! Wren has always had a thing for the Hasting sisters. Omg.

Alex didn’t know about anything. She didn’t know she had a twin sister. She didn’t know she had another sister Charlotte. She didn’t know her mother was Mary Drake. Wren told her everything and that’s when it all started. When A.D began.

Okay, so wasn’t Wren living with Melissa in London?? How did Melissa have no idea about Alex?? Remember when Spencer visited Melissa in London. Was that actually Alex?? I am so confused.

Okay, so to get this straight. Alex Drake is Spencer’s twin sister. She’s British (Troian did an amazing job but her accent sounded a bit off at times). She wanted revenge for her sister Charlotte’s death. Wren helped her. She is A.D.

When Hanna saw Spencer when she was locked in that barn, that was Alex. She was one looking at the Hastings photo albums. She was the one who kissed Toby when he was about to leave. She’s the one who seduced him in the cabin. And she was the one at the airport with Wren. They were arguing. That’s why that scene was so awkward when they saw Ezra.

Alex was jealous of Spencer’s life. She wanted to become Spencer. She wanted her life. Very similar to Ali and Courtney in the books. Alex wanted a friendship like what Spencer has.

I have always loved Wrencer. I always kind of wished they’d get back together at some point. But this is not what I expected. I loved it though! Alex is a crazy bitch and made Wren shoot her in the same place Spencer was shot. Fuck this is what I always wanted in a villain on this show. I love it!!

I AM SO FUCKING MAD THAT THEY KILLED WREN!!! Alex that crazy bitch killed him and turned his ashes into a diamond! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! That was the final straw. She is a fucking psychopath and I love her but I can’t believe she killed Wren. He’s now a fucking diamond I want to cry.

She kidnapped Ezra as well. And Ezria’s wedding was almost ruined. Aria’s wedding dress was so ugly. Who decided on that ugly dress??

Wren is the father of Emison’s babies! I fucking knew it!! Well, I guess the only good thing is as well as living forever as a diamond, he will also live on in the twins. Alex always knew he’d make beautiful babies.

So, what was Mary’s game? Whose side was she on? She says she didn’t know if Alex was even alive. She was taken right after she was born. Well, Mary sold her to get out of Radley. I love Mary and Spencer’s relationship and I just hope that it really was real. After everything Spencer deserves a real mother.

So, Ezra and Spencer are locked in ‘some do it yourself dungeon’. I was laughing at how ridiculous the whole things was.

So, now that Wren is dead Spencer wants Toby. SHe’s obsessed with him and wants to be Spencer so that he will love her. That’s some messed up shit and I love it!

So Sara was basically irrelevant?? We never got to know her motive. Was she kidnapped or not? Where are the answers??

Charlotte met Archer Dunhill on the flight to Paris. She’d been in contact with Wren and met Alex at the airport. That flashback was great! So, that was how they met and how they became such good friends.

Okay, so the whole thing with Archer marrying Alison was nothing to do with Alex or A.D or any fucking thing. This is just leaving me with more questions. I am so confused.

Charlotte wanted to keep playing the game. Playing with her dolls. Alex wanted too help. Their relationship was sweet and the goodbye was sad. (And why were there English flags behind them. We know they're in London, you don’t need to keep reminding us!!!)

That was the last time Charlotte and Alex saw each other. That’s why she became A.D. Charlotte told her all about what the Liars did. And what she did to them. And Alex wanted revenge because she blamed them for Charlotte’s death. Okay, yes. A very simple motive. That makes sense. Unlike CeCe’s motive which I still don’t completely understand. But as well as her motive, which I understand, she’s just psychopath who wants to hurt people. Which is everything I wanted A to be.

Spencer’s horse was the first one to find out that Spencer wasn’t Spencer. Animals are smart like that. Then finally Toby started to notice something was off. But Jenna was the next to figure it out. A horse and a blind girl figured it out before anyone else.

And then it took them about 5 seconds to realise that Spencer has an evil twin. Really?? They’ve been wondering who A.D is for years and it takes them 5 seconds to figure it out??

Alex with the axe was everything I wanted in a villain on this show. THIS is the A I wanted! A psychotic bitch who just wants revenge. She doesn’t want people to feel sorry for her because of her tragic backstory. She just wants to hurt people and laugh about it. THIS is what I have always wanted! As cringey and cliche as this whole ting was I loved every minute of it! When she went form British to American accent I got chills! Aaaaaaah! Remember the spoilers that said Wren was A and he dropped his accent mid sentence?? We got that but it was Alex not Wren but it was everything I wanted (almost)! I was living for crazy Alex!

So the Dollhouse 2.0 was actually the house that Toby built. The one he was building for Spencer. Alex bought it, and made the Dollhouse 2.0. It’s completely underground. There was a tunnel system and everything. And an artificial sky. It was so creepy but so cool! I wish we could have seen more of it. The others went to the house and it literally looked like Spencer’s house. Seriously, it’s Dollhouse 2.0.

I LOVED the showdown between the twins where Alex copied everything Spencer said, trying to imitate her as best as she could. And then the others arrived and Toby aimed his gun at them, but he couldn’t tell who was who. That reminded me of something but I could not remember what. And then it came to me. It’s literally a scene from Hannah Montana. When Miley’s evil cousin was pretending to be Hannah Montana and Oliver and Lilly couldn't tell which was the real Miley. Yep, very original scene haha!

When they figured out which was the real Spencer by asking what her favourite poem is I started crying. The whole thing was ridiculous and stupid, but it made me so emotional. They finally caught A.D. Finally after all this time it’s all over.

The Ezria wedding was beautiful I’ll admit. Not because I necessarily like them, but because they were all together. They were all happy. A.D was not there to ruin anything anymore. And wtf was Marlene's cameo?? I couldn’t stop laughing omg!!! And she did the shhh!?!!

The Liars right at the end ruined me. It was a goodbye to them. This is the last we are going to see of them. And they’re all happy. For the first time in their lives they are actually all happy. I was crying. It’s the end. I’ve grown up with these characters. This is the end of an era.

And Mona got a happy ending too. She is living in Paris. She has a French boyfriend/husband (who I just realised is the cop that came and arrested Alex. On my rewatch I realised he had a French accent in that scene). She has Mary and Alex in her very own Dollhouse. Mona got the real happy ending.

And then the ending we pretend never happened (I rewatched the episode on Australian TV and this scene wasn’t even in it). It came ‘full circle’, as Marlene says. It was literally word for word, scene for scene, from the pilot, except with Addison and her group of friends. What was the actually point of that??

So, overall I didn’t hate it. I actually quite enjoyed it. I was really confused and disappointed when I first finished watching the episode, but after taking some time to process it all I didn’t think it was terrible. I mean, it was still a mess. A huge fucking mess. And it left more questions than answers. But it was a fun and ridiculous ending to the show.

One thing that confused me was that Alex was the name of Spencer’s first boyfriend. Seriously, they could have used a different name that started with A. There are tons of different names! Or did they just forget about him? I always joked that Alex might be A. And hey, Alex did end up being A.D!

Troian did a fantastic job!!! If anyone was going to have a twin, I’m so glad it was Spencer. Troian is a fantastic actress and made it believable. Her accent was a bit off at times but overall Troian was incredible!! She was the saving grace of the episode to be honest.

We all knew Twincer/Spencerietta was confirmed, but a part of me wished it would be something more exciting, like Wren or Melissa. I loved that Wren was a part of it, but it was a missed opportunity not make him and Melissa working together as A/A.D. That would have been amazing! Wren has been my number 1 suspect since the beginning. The thing I’m most upset about in the finale is that Wren is dead and was turned into A FUCKING DIAMOND!! I am so mad. I can forgive lots of things on this show, but not that. That just crossed the line.

There are still so many questions though. What was Ali doing for the 2 years she was ‘dead’? That is one thing I really wanted to know. Did Sara Harvey willing help CeCe or was she kidnapped? Did Melissa have anything to do with A/A.D?? Because from the episode it seems like she didn’t but she was always so sketchy? And how did she know nothing about Alex when she was living with Wren? What ever happened to Eddie Lamb?? What did Bethany’s drawings mean? I was hoping we would learn more about Bethany. Why did Alex impregnate Ali with Emily’s eggs? Was she just a big Emison shipper? I do not understand. We still never found out who Beach Hottie was. And what was the deal with the NAT club? How did Alex make the board game?? Was it Alex with Caleb or did Spaleb actually happen? Did Wren know Archer? How did Alex kill Wren? And most importantly HOW DID THE WINE MUMS GET OUT OF THE BASEMENT??

I’m sure there are many more questions but thats all I can think of right now. Overall I’m actually sad that this is over. It’s been a part of my life 5 years. I’ve wasted so much time searching for clues and theorising. I feel like I’ve grown up with these characters and cast. I am so glad I’m free from this train wreck but a part of me is sad that there won’t be anymore new episodes. I’m going to miss this show. It has frustrated me to no end but I’m sad to say goodbye. This fandom is amazing. We’ve turned this train wreck of a show into memes and inside jokes, and written theories and fan fiction that are so much better than the actual show. This show pretty much makes absolutely no sense. I don’t even know how to explain the premise of this show to others. I wold not recommend watching this show to anyone because in the end it still makes absolutely no sense. But I’m glad I’ve watched it. It was a great experience watching each new episode live. I’ve loved discussing and theorising and making of fun of it with other fans. I feel like no one understands why I love this show. I sometimes wonder myself. But I think it’s partly because it feels like a family. The core of Pretty Little Liars is friendship and I feel like that’s what my relationship with the show is. The fandom is like one big friendship group.

So thank you PLL. Thank you for 5 years of my life I’ll never get back. Thank you for taking me on this rollercoaster of a journey that never really made any sense. Thank you for these characters and for the cast. Thank you for being something that I looked forward to each week. Thank you for being a part of my life. I’ll miss you. You will always have a place in my heart.

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

#pretty little liars #pll season 7 #pll endgame #pll #pll s7 #spencer hastings #alex drake #cece drake #aria montgomery #hanna marin #emily fields #alison dilaurentis #emison #spoby #ezria #haleb #ezra fitz #toby cavanaugh #caleb rivers #charlotte dilaurentis #charles dilaurentis #mona vanderwaal #mary drake #a.d #a.d reveal #dollhouse #wren kingston #wrencer #diamond #goodbye

[gloriousfanfics]

Famous Last Words: Chapter 1

Word Count: 1821

Description: When soulmates find each other, they never drift apart. Even when the times keep them apart, they will always find each other in the end. Frank Iero is a 300 year old vampire who was turned by the love of his life who was burned with a stake through his heart, decides to return to Cooperstown where all of the events occurred. But little does he know his soulmate’s soul lives on inside a boy called Gerard Way

On with the story:

Frank’s P.O.V

This is the start of my 100th journal and it’s been 300 years since the man I loved died. I saw him scream in pain as the stake was stabbed through his ribs, and then barely alive he was being burnt alive.  I heard his dying thoughts which have been imprinted in my head as if it was yesterday that he died. I’m starting a new school again. It’s annoying for me but I have to act like a normal mortal don’t I? I mean Arthur didn’t die and tell me to leave he wanted to save me from that fate. So why would I be stupid enough to put myself in the position that got him killed?

High school really sucks as well and no matter how many times you repeat it, it’s always the same thing. But in all these centuries I’ve repeated high school I’ve had fun fitting in with different cliques. I mean like people think what clique you’re in defines your whole life but once high school is over they don’t matter and besides all the friends I had are dead.

But this repeat of high school is different for me like very different for me because I’m back in Cooperstown. The town my father who was a vampire hater helped found. It’s also the place where I met the immortal Arthur. Who looked the same as he did when he was 24. When I came back into the town I had to use some compulsion to get myself into my old house. I even found two random strangers to act as my parents. Because I still look like a 17 year old if I’m honest.

It’s a nice thing that I’m inside my old home, because it’s comforting that they haven’t changed any of it the whole interior is perfect.  And my old room still looks the same. This house has so many memories of my time with Arthur inside it. But thinking about it is pretty sad because well, I didn’t plan to spend my immortal life like this. I didn’t plan to be alone.

I can’t wait to walk into another hell, which will obviously be filled with stupid idiots, scary people and those stereotyped dump jocks. I can’t actually wait to walk into hell again.

Time skip: In Cooperstown high, Normal P.O.V

Frank walked into coopers town high, he didn’t really know who he was going to be, but he decided he’ll fit in with whatever clique found him first. On his way to the office to enter the school he spotted  a boy with black hair that just reached his shoulder, he looked exactly the same as Arthur did. From the soft cheek bones to the eyes. But as soon as he saw the boy he disappeared behind a door labelled principles office. Frank continued walking to the office. Once there he got his time table and locker key, Frank then decided to go to his lessons first and locker after a lesson.

Due to Franks plan, he was pacing down the halls, trying to find his English class room. Frank hated it, he hated being a 300 year old vampire. Sometimes he wished that he would have just died with his lover in the same way. He wished that times were different. He didn’t like it at all. Frank knew he was lucky to meet Arthur. But he couldn’t help but feel that it was his fault Arthur died.

“Hey, are you new?” asked a boy with lightly brown skin and brown hair that just reached the shoulder

“Yeah, the names Franklin. But I’d prefer it if you called me Frank” Frank replied

“I’m Vic” said the boy “and this is Kellin. If you’d like we’ll help you get to your next class”

“Thanks I’ve got English in room 102” Frank replied

“Oh that’s great news, me and Vic are in that class. But Miss is very annoying” Kellin stated

“That’s true” Vic added

“Anyway instead of talking about our annoying English teacher we should get moving. You know what she’s like if we’re late” Kellin said

“True. Also we have two hours and please, please, please, Kellin try not to sleep” Vic said

“I’d try but I dunno. The lessons can get quite boring Vic” Kellin added

“True” Vic replied “Come on Frank”

Break Time:

“Frank we’d like you to meet our squad” Kellin says “this is Patrick Stump, Pete wentz and Brendon Urie”

“Nice to meet you” Patrick greeted

“Sup dawg” Pete greets with one of those stupid grins on his face

“Hey, I’m Pete Wentz from chemistry” Brendon said a tad too excitedly

“Dude, I’m Pete Wentz, get fucked Brendon” Pete states while being really pissed off with Brendon

“Lol, I’m Frank Iero” Frank greeted

“So we now have three founding families in our clique” Patrick states

“Seriously, all we need now is one of the Way’s and we are the coolest” Pete said

“Pete, you will not be cool. If anything, you would be a pathetic excuse for cool” Brendon jokingly said

“Guys can we not start this argument again. It’s not going to end well like last time” Vic said “Anyways I’m out of her Patrick keep an eye on them”

“I’m just gonna join Vic” Kellin adds after Vic has walked away

“Yeah, go join your boyfriend” Brendon calls out

“Real mature Bren” Kellin fires back

“See you at lunch Kells” Patrick calls back

Time Skip: Lunch (I’m just to lazy)

Frank had to sit through two hours of boredom, chemistry and maths. Frank was in the same chemistry class as Brendon and the same maths class as Patrick, who really isn’t good at maths. Currently Frank, Kellin, Brendon, Pete and Patrick were in the que for lunch. The lunch hall had that typical clique layout. It’s pretty basic really. But it was okay for a town where everyone knew everyone. The lunch that they received at this school was defiantly not the best. Frank and his new friends sat down and then there was the dark-haired kid from earlier walked by their table.

“Who’s he?” Frank enquired

“Bad news” Brendon answered “no matter what your sexuality is”

“Why is he bad news?” Frank asked

“Well, for starters he’s the son of a founding family, the Way’s” Kellin lists “he hangs with Bert McCracken, the school’s dealer for pot and crack heads alike. He’s an asshole and will break you if you get to close”

“Woah” Frank says

“Yeah” Brendon adds

“So is there anyone else I need to stay away from?” Frank asks

“Nope” Kellin replies “Just that group”

“So, Frank, what’s your phone number?” Vic asks

“Pass your phone” Frank asks

“Here you go” Vic said as he passed his phone over to Frank, and Frank then adds his number into Kellin’s contacts list. “Here you go” Frank said.

“Thanks Frank”

“No problem Kellin” Frank said “So who’s got games next?”

“I do” Patrick replies glumly

“Same here” Pete chirps in

“I hate games” Patrick states

“Why?” Asked Frank

“oh, because I’m no good at sports. In fact, I’m so good at sports I want to start a band with Pete here who knows a lot about Music” Patrick answers

“Oh, guys pre-warning Gerard’s in your class, so Patrick please try not to get emotional when he makes fun of your size” Vic warned

Last lesson: Gym: Changing rooms

“Hey look the fatty and the bones have a new friend” Jeph whispers to Gerard

“Oh god who’d want to talk to them?” Gerard whispered back

“Just look how skinny the emo wannabe is” Jeph mocks

“Hey, Wentz, didn’t you know that breathing the air has calories?”  Gerard calls out

“Fuck off” Pete replied while throwing his gym shirt on and walking out with Patrick trailing behind

“So what’s your name?” Jeph asks Frank

“Frank” Frank replies

“So Frank what are you doing with those two trash bags?” Gerard asks

“They’re my friends” Frank responds

“Are they really?” Gerard asks

“Yeah” replies Frank while looking at his face. In that moment Frank realised that Gerard had an exact resemblance to Arthur.

Time skip: After school: Group chat

Living_meme: So how was your talk with Gerard?

Funghoul: It was strange, he asked me why I was friends with you guys and then questioned that

Fedora: Seriously he questioned our friendship

Fedora: He’s never questioned anyone who they’re friends with before. Not even the past new kids

That_forehead_guy: Except his own brother Mikey about being friends with Vics brother Mike

Because_Im_mexican_im_better: That’s true it was strange even then though

Fedora: That much can be said

Living_meme: Anyways Frank have you taken an interest to anyone in the school yet, or do you have someone waiting on you?

FunGhoul: to answer those questions I’m going to say no

Living_meme: Have you ever been in love with someone?

FunGhoul: Yeah, Why?

Fedora: Pete why are you asking such personal questions

Living_meme: I dunno I’m just curious

Living_meme: So Frank what where they like?

FunGhoul: He was everything to me. Just amazing. I’d never thought I’d meet a guy like him

Living_meme: Seriously?

Funghoul: Yeah

That_forehead_guy: Wow

Your_Kellin_me: Did anyone hear the news?

Because_Im_mexican_Im_better: What news?

Your_Kellin_me: There’s a party being thrown this Saturday

That_forehead_guy: Who’s throwing it?

Your_Kellin_me: Lindsey

That_forehead_guy: We’re invited

Your_Kellin_me: Yeah

Because_Im_mexican_im_better: Great, Gerard is there

Fedora: Holy smokes though

Living_meme: Gerards gonna be there

FunGhoul: Let me guess because Gerards there you don’t wanna go

That_forehead_guy: Oh we’ll still go. Besides I’m going either way because you should never threaten me with a good time

Living_meme: Do you think they’ll be champagne and cocaine

Because_Im_Mexican_Im_better: Well, Gerard’s there, Bert might go so cocaine is a possibility. Champagne always

Fedora: Brendon when you go out please don’t get so drunk you pass out in a drain pipe

That_forhead_guy: That was one time

Your_kellin_me: remember when you and Pete roamed the city in a shopping cart?

That_forehead_guy: That was live

Living_meme: yes it was

Because_I’m_mexican_im_betetr: Remember when you lost a bet to a guy in a chiffon skirt?

That_forehead_guy: yeah, but I made those high heels work

Fedora: And there was that one time you believed you were raising hell

Living_meme: that was so funny

Because_Im_mexican_im_better: Oh My God

Your_kellin_me: I’ve go it on video

That_forehead_guy: OMG you still haven’t deleted it

Your_kellin_me: Nope

That_forehead_guy: I hate you

FunGhoul: Brendon it seems that you have quite the drunk history

That_forehead_guy: yes I do and I am so proud of it

That_forehead_guy: If I wanted to I could put it into a song

Living_meme: That’ll be such a good song

Fedora: It’ll be funny as well

Your_Kellin_me: Breadbin you should so do that

That_forehead_guy: It’ll be amazing

That_Forehead_guy: I’ll be famous

FunGhoul: Big dreams but a bigger forehead

FunGhoul: I think you’ll be famous for that forehead

That_forehead_guy: I could be you never know

#gerard way #brendon urie #pete wentz #patrick stump #kellin quinn #vic fuentes #kellic #frerard #peterick #my chemical romance #fall out boy #panic! at the disco #sleeping with sirens #pierce the veil #bandom #soulmate #alternative universe

[delicatelyfantasticninja-archive]

Japan is an island by the sea, filled with volcanos and its 

♪ beautiful ♪

In the year negative a billion; Japan might not have been here.

In the year negative forty thousand; it was here and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it.  Then it got warmer some icebergs melted and it became an island, and now theres lots of 

♪ trees ♪

because its warmer. 

So now there’s people on the island that’s basically just hanging out in between the mountains, eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology like 

stones and bowls.

Ding dong ♪

It’s the outside world and they have technology from the future like, really good metal and crazy rice farms. 

Now you can make a lot of rice, really, really quickly. 

That means if you own a farm, 

you own a lot of food,

which is something everybody needs to 

SURVIVE. 

So that makes you king. 

Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land all the way to here.

The most important kingdoms were,

here, here, here, here, here, here and here.

But this one was the most, mostimportant.

Ruled by a heavenly superperson 

or Emperor for short. 

knock knock.  

get the door,  its 

♪ religion ♪

The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from 

Baekje.

“Please try this religion.” he said. 

“No” said everybody.

“ ♪ Try it ♪”  he said.

“No” said everybody again, quieter this time. 

And so, the religion was put into place and all the rules that came with it. 

Then the government was taken over by another clique and they made some reforms like,

making the Government govern more.  And making the Government more like China’s Government, which is a Government that governs more. 

“Hi China.” they said.

”Hi dipshit.” said China.

“can you call us something else other than dipshit?” said Japan. 

“Like what?” said China.

“ ♪How about sunrise land ♪”said Japan. 

And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. 

‘bout themselves. 

And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves.

Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for awhile. 

~right here~

and they conquered the north, finally. 

Get that squared away.

A rich hipster named Kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits China and learns a better version which is more  

♪Spiritual ♪

comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be  

♪great ♪

for a long time.  

And the royal palace turned into such adream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country.  

So if you lived outside the palace how are you supposed to protect your shit, from criminals? 

♪ h i r e   a   s a m u r a i  ♪

Everyone started hiring Samurai. 

rich, important people hired samurai. poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. 

The samurai became organised andpowerful. 

More powerful than the government. 

So they made their own military government 

~here~ 

They let the “Emperor” still be “Emperor” but the Shogun is actually in control. 

Breaking news! 

The Mongols have invaded China!

“We’ve invaded China.” said the Mongols. “Please respect us or else we might invade you as well.”

“okay.” said Japan. 

So the Mongols came over, ready for warand– 

died in a tornado(typhoon). 

But they tried again, and had a nice timefighting with the Japanese but then– 

died in a tornado(typhoon). 

Then the Emperor overthrows the Shogunate and Shogunate overthrows them back and moves to Kyoto and makes a new Shogunate. 

And the “Emperor” can still dress like an Emperor if he wants. 

That’s fine. 

♪ now there’s more art  ♪

like painting with less colours collaborative poetryplays monkey fun tea parties  gardening  architecture FLOWERS.

its time for– 

~who’s going to be the next shogun?~

Usually its the Shogun’s kid.  But the Shogun doesn’t have a kid so he tries to get his brother to quit being a Monk and be the next Shogun.  

He says “ok"

But then shogun has a kid. 

So now who’s it gonna be?

~vote now on your phones!~

And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. 

The Shogun actually didn’t care, 

he was off somewhere doing poetry. 

And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power and 

its anybody’s game.

knock knock. 

its Europe. 

No, they’re not here to take over (yet) They just wanna sell some shit, like clocks and guns. 

and ♪ Jesus ♪

so thats cool.  

but everyone’s still fighting each other for control. 

~now with guns~

and wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital?   Which right now is puppets with no one controlling them. 

This clan is ready to make a run for it.  But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way.  

~surprise~

smaller clan wins and the leader of thatclan steals the idea of invading the capitaland invades the capital and it goes very well.  

He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him, kills him and then someone else who works for him, kills them 

and that guy finishes conquering Japan.  

and then he confiscated everybody’s swords, and made some rules.  

“and now I’m going to invade Korea, and then hopefully China” 

he said and failed and also died.  

But before he died he told these five guysto take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of japan. 

And the five guys said,  

“yeah, right. its not gonna be this kid, its gonna be one of us, cuz we’re grown ups.“ 

And it’s probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. 

A lot of people support him but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight, and he wins and starts a new Government. 

right here. 

♪ Edo ♪

and he still lets the Emperor dress like an “Emperor” and have very nice things. But don’t get confused, this is the new government and they’re very strict. 

So strict they closed the country. 

No one can leave and no one can come in. 

Except for the dutch because they wanna buy and sell shit but they have to do it right here. 

Now that the entire country is not at war with itself,  the population increased a lot. 

business increased  schools were built roads were built  everyone learnt to read books were published  there was poetry plays sexy times puppet shows 

and dutch studies.

People started to study European sciencefrom books they bought from the Dutch. 

we’re talking– 

geography,  skeletons,  physics,  chemistry,  astronomy,   and maybe even electricity. 

Over time the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow do–

knock knock. 

its the united states.  with huge boats with guns, 

gunboats. 

“open the country. Stop having it be closed.”  said the United States. 

Theres really nothing they could do so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain and Russia visit Japan anytime they want. 

Chōshū and Satsuma hated this. 

“that sucks.” they said. 

“this sucks!!!!” 

And with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogunate and somehow made the emperor the emperor again and moved him to Edo which they renamed, Eastern Capital. 

they made a new government which was a lot more western. 

they made a new constitution that was pretty western. 

and a military that was pretty western. 

And did you know what else was western? Thats right, its conquering stuff. 

So what can we conquer?  Korea, they conquered Korea. 

Taking it from its previous owner, China.  and then go a little bit further and Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, 

“stop, no, you can’t take that.  We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” 

and Russia builds their railroad supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. 

and then when the railroad was done they downgraded to a fuck ton. 

Did i say downgrade?

I meant upgrade. 

And Japan says, 

“can you maybe chill?”

and russia says, 

“How About Maybe You Chill?” 

Japan is kinda scared of Russia.  You’ll never guess who’s also kinda scared of Russia. 

Great Britain. 

So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be 

a little less scared of Russia. 

Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia.  Just for a moment.  and then they both get tired and stop. 

♪ it’s time for World War 1 ♪

The World is about to -Have A War-

Because its the nineteen hundreds and weapons are getting crazy.  and all these Empires are excited to try them out on each other. 

Meanwhile Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants– 

more. 

and the next thing on their list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands. 

And all of that stuff belongs to Germanywhich just had war declared on by Britainbecause Britain is friends with Belgiumwhich is being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France is friends with Russiawho is getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria is getting ready to kick Serbia’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass or– 

actually shot on the head. 

and Britain is currently friends with Japanso you know what that means. 

Duh, ♪ Japan should take the islands ♪

which they wanted to do anyway. 

So they called Britain on the tele(gram) to sort of let them know.  and then they did it, and they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. 

Now the war is over. 

Congratulations japan!

You technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes where theydecided who owns what. 

And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shitthey stole from Germany, you also get to join the, Post-War Mega alliance– 

♪ the League of Nations ♪

Whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. 

The great depression is bad and Japan’s economy is now crappy.   But the military is doing just fine and it invades Manchuria and the league of nation’s just like– 

“No don’t do that, if you’re in the league of nations you’re not supposed to take over the world.”  

and Japan said “♪ How bout I do anyway? ♪” 

And Japan invaded more and more and more and, more of China.  

and was planning to invade the entire east!

~You got mail~

Its from Germany.  the new leader of Germany,  he has a cool moustache  and he’s trying to take over the world 

and needs friends. 

This also got forwarded to Italy, 

they all decided to be friends because they had so much in c

#submission #this is literally all i got of it ryan #but here have this thing from my friend ryan #history of japan

[purplesurveys]

249

Have you ever been to Las Vegas? No. Doesn’t seem all that appealing to me anyway. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I didn’t eat breakfast which is a stupid idea considering I drank quite a bit last night...I did have a small piece of chocolate Pop-Tarts from at Gabie’s place this morning to mask my breath when I came home. Do you have any loose change in your pocket? I don’t have pockets on me right now. Do you like Taylor Swift? Her past singles were catchy, but that’s all I’ll give her. Everything I’ve heard about her attitude has just yelled petty to me. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? Strictly Disney Channel? High School Musical or Tw*tches.

If you met your favorite celebrity, would you be calm or starstruck? LOL I would probably cry if faced with Kristen Stewart. I’ll be starstruck in a calm way (so to answer your question, I’ll be both) and just maybe pull her in for a huge hug because I love her so much. Are there any lights on in the room you’re in? Yeah we have lights in the dining room but it’s daytime so the natural lighting from the sun is enough for now. What’s your favorite subject in school? I was always the teacher’s pet in history. I’m in college now though and have different classes per semester; my favorite class in the last sem would have to be art studies.  What’s your favorite holiday? Halloween, even though I hate referring to it as a holiday because it’s not. I just pick that because I hate every other holiday. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. Sounds like something I’ll always put off haha. Do you think Bad Romance is a catchy song or an annoying one? Catchy. Whether played in 2009 or 2018, best believe I’ll sing along and even slightly dance to it. Do you use perfect grammar online? If perfect = formal then no. Are you currently using a laptop? Yep. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? Music software? Damn. Anyway, no I don’t really like live editions of songs, no matter how much I love the artist or no matter how good it is. Did you or do you listen to Britney Spears songs? I never did voluntarily, even as a kid in the 2000′s. I remember her songs were everywhere though - in kid’s parties, at the mall, on TV, everywhere. Is it a windy day? It has been today, actually! The nicest surprise I’ve had all day so far. In the past week, have you ridden in a taxi? No, I never ride taxis because the drivers here are creepy and even be kidnappers. I’d much rather book an Uber or Grab, which is an alternative to Uber but in Southeast Asia. Do you ever wish on stars at night? Not really. I would if I chance upon a shooting star, but those never happen in my area. What color are your eyes? Dark brown. What album is the current song you’re listening to off of? I’m not listening to music at the moment. What’re you doing after you finish this? Move upstairs and either take a nap or another survey. What song’s the most overplayed right now? There is another song by The fucking Vamps called Personal and as usual they are bugging the living shit out of me. It literally plays in three different radio stations within five minutes and it drives me nuts when I’m driving. They are the actual worst. Please break up. Are you in a band? No. How clean is your bedroom? Super tidy. Is there a pen within reaching distance of you? No, there isn’t. Are you sitting at a desk? No. I’m at the dining table but moving to my bed after. Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? [continued after taking a nap three hours ago] Female singer from an awesome band that rhymes with ‘paramour’! Do you normally shut your bedroom door before you go to sleep? Yes, absolutely yes. Rest assured I will not fall asleep if it’s ajar even the slightest bit; it has to be shut all the way through. I can’t sleep with any light around, so. Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? No. I know Gab has a physical DVD but I’ve never seen the movie. Would you ever dye your hair a different color? Of course. It’s just a matter of when I’ll do it, because right now I’m still pretty indecisive about which color I’ll be getting, bitching about how expensive and high-maintenance it’s going to be, and worrying about everything having to do with bleach. Are there any framed pictures in the room you’re in? Yeah. My kindergarten grad photo is framed, and my high school clique’s photo is also in a frame on my bedside drawer. Have you ever been to a Broadway show? Nope. Not really my thing, but it’s the sort of thing I’d surprise my girlfriend with since she’s all about Broadway. What’s your favorite movie soundtrack? I don’t have one. I’ll just stick with my default answer Carol. Do you prefer group or individual work? Really depends on what kind of work we’re talking. Anything with creatives or logistics, I would much rather be in a group since I cannot for the life of me be creative, or even be forced to be creative. I can be helpful in other ways when it comes to that; but every other work outside of that–say a research paper, or a chapter report, or an investigatory project, I’m okay with doing on my own. Do you have a key to anything besides your house? Just my car. Are you wearing anything with stripes? Oooh I am. My top is black and white striped. It was actually the top I wore to the high school batch reunion last night, but it’s a little comfy so I haven’t changed out of it yet. What time did you go to sleep last night? Er around 1 or 2 AM, not really sure. I just instantly passed out on Gab’s bed and don’t remember anything since I was waaaay too tired. Did anyone tell you that you were beautiful today? Yep. What show did you last watch? RuPaul’s Drag Race, which I watched with Katreen and Gabie when we were at the former’s house last Thursday. I initially groaned when Katreen suggested it cos I thought the show was going to be too loud and fast-paced for my taste, but thEN OH MY GOD EVERYTHING IS PINK AND BRIGHT AND FABULOUS. We ended up watching a second episode. Do you think you’ll do anymore surveys today? I hope so. I’m kinda disappointed with myself for taking very few surveys during my break, when I said I was excited to finally spam my own blog with them after the last sem practically ate me up and never gave me time. I go back to school Tuesday and I probably took like 10-15 surveys total in four weeks, yuck @ self. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream. I also really liked queso real in my early teens. When was the last time you stayed home from school sick? 6th grade. Eight years ago. Insane. Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? I could try! My girlfriend actually has a 1000- or 1500-piece puzzle of a painting that we tried to finish with her little sister during a sleepover, but I was boring and fell asleep by 2 AM. It’d be nice to try it again. If you could run a red light and not get caught, would you? No. Thing is, so many Filipino drivers do that already; hence why we are one of the most terrible on the road. I’ve seen enough videos to not want to even try it. Do any bands flat-out annoy you? I would say yes but it’s an insult to the word ‘band’ if I referred to The Vamps as one, because they’re my sole annoyance. Do you have a mirror in your bedroom? I had before my mom got it removed ugh. Was today a birthday for any of your friends? It’s Reggy’s birthday, who’s a girl I went to grade school and high school with. I wouldn’t consider her a friend. When was the last time you rode in a limo? I’ve never done it. Do you take naps daily? Hahaha yeah almost everyday. That’s gonna stop when I go back to school. Do you still make Christmas lists? No. I think I made it for one or two years before I finally called bullshit on Santa. Do you watch the show Dexter? Yes, mainly because they said it was like Breaking Bad and because CM Punk watched it. Didn’t like the first episode, haven’t tried rewatching it since. Have you ever been to any sort of convention? No. Which song did you last listen to on repeat? Probably Tessellate by Alt-J. < Good choice. I’m now super garbage compared to that, because mine is Bruno Mars’s Finesse collab with Cardi B hahaha. Where do you want to live when you grow up? Just in the city where all the hurly-burly is. It gets boring living in a suburban ish environment. Are you currently using a blanket? Nope. Are there any songs that make you cry? Yeah sometimes, there are instances I’ll sing along to a certain song and feel them more than usual. I’ve cried to When It Rains by Paramore on my bad days. How many siblings do you have? Two, both younger. What’re you doing this weekend? Binge-watching Black Mirror and enjoying the final days of my Christmas break. Do you prefer swimming at the beach or in a pool? Beach. The chlorine in the pool turns me away from it, plus with so many kids swimming in pools you never know if you’re already swimming in wee. When was the last time you had a haircut? Some time in November. Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? PIANO. Without a shadow of a doubt. Do you know what you want for Christmas? I didn’t want anything for Christmas for the first time in my life. That’s a little sad, innit? I got the 2018 Starbucks planner, which I was more than happy about. Gabie got me all sorts of jewelry, a blanket, and a sparkly pink tumbler and I loved each gift; and my sister got me a doggy pencil case and made personalized stickers for me. I loved all of them. Do you watch fireworks on New Year’s Eve? Yes, that’s a family tradition. Not going out to watch them just feels foreign and empty to me, since we’ve done it all my life. Is your birthday within the next three months? Yup. *silent panicking* How long is the song you’re listening to? Three and a half minutes. Are you anticipating anything this week? Yeah I am pretty excited to attend my new set of classes. It’s my first sem to have four majors too, so that’s another thing I’m waiting to experience. Will I be okay? Will it kill me? Will I have nervous breakdowns? Who knows. Is your mom or dad the older parent? They were born in the same year, but my dad is older by eight months. Do you watch anything on E!? Just Keeping Up. Are you going to get off the computer now that you’ve finished this? No, I might take another one.

#survey #surveys

[icantkeepdoingthis]

History of Japan

Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it's beautiful. In the year -1,000,000,000 Japan might not have been here. In the year -40,000 it was here and you could walk to it. And some people did. Then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island, and now there's lots of trees because it's warmer. So now there's people on the island and they're basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology like stones and bowls.

Ding dong.

It's the outside world, and they have technology from the future like really good metal and crazy rice farms. Now you can make a lot of rice really, really quickly. That means, if you own the farm, you own a lot of food. Which is something everybody needs to survive. So that makes you king.

Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most, most important ruled by a heavily superperson, or emperor for short.

Knock, knock, get the door, it's religion.

The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from Baekje.

"Please try this religion," he said.

"No," said everybody.

"Try it," he said.

"No," said everybody, quieter this time.

And so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. Then the government was taken over by another clique. And they made some reforms. Like making the government govern more and making the government more like China's government, which is a government that governs more. 

"Hi, China," they said.

"Hi, dipshit," said China.

"Can you call us something else, other than dipshit?" said Japan.

"Like what?" said China.

"How about sunrise land?" said Japan.

And they stole China's alphabet and wrote a book about themselves. And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. Right here. And they conquered the north, finally. Get that squared away.

A rich hipster named Kukai is bored with modern Buddhism, visits China, and learns a better version, which is more spiritual. Comes back, reinvents the alphabet, and causes art and literature to be great for a long time and the royal palace turns into such a dream world of art that they really didn't give a shit about running the country. So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? Hire a samurai. Everyone started hiring samurai. Rich, important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai.

The samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. So they made their own military government, here. They let the the emperor still be emperor, but the shogun is actually in control.

Breaking news, the Mongols have invaded China.

"We've invaded China," said the Mongols. "Please respect us or else we might invade you as well."

"Okay," said Japan.

So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado. But they tried again and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornado. Then the emperor overthrows the shogun. Then the shogunate over throws him back and moves to Kyoto and makes a new shogunate. And the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that's fine.

Now there's more art, like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers.

It's time for who's going to be the next shogun. Usually, it's the shogun's kid, but the shogun doesn't have a kid. So he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says okay. But then the shogun has a kid, so now who's it gonna be? Vote now on your phones. And everyone voted so hard, that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn't care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it's anybody's game.

Knock, knock, it's Europe.

No, they're not here to take over, they just want to sell some shit, like clocks and guns and Jesus. So that's cool. But everyone's still fighting each other for control, now with guns. And wouldn't it be nice to control the capital? Which, right now, is puppets with no one controlling them. This clan is ready to make a run for it. But first, they have to trample this smaller clan, which is in the way. Surprise! Smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital and invades the capital, and it goes very well. He's about half way through conquering Japan when someone who works for him, kills him. And then someone else who works for him kills them, and that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody's swords and made some rules.

"And now to invade Korea, and then hopefully China," he said. And failed. And also died. But before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he's old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said, "yeah right, it's not gonna be this kid. It's gonna be one of Us. Cuz we're grown ups." And it's probably going to be this guy, who happens to be way more rich and powerful than others. A lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight. And he wins and starts a new government, right here. Edo. And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor and have very nice things. But don't get confuse, this is the new government, and they are very strict. So strict, they closed the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in. Except for the Dutch, if they want to buy and sell shit. But they to do it right here.

Now that the entire country is not at war with itself, population increased a lot. Business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned how to read, books were published. There was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and Dutch studies. People started to study European science from books that were bought from the Dutch. We're talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity.

Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down-

knock knock. It's the United States. With huge boats, with guns. Gun boats.

 "Open the country. Stop having it be closed," said the United States.

There's nothing they could really do so they signed a contract that lets the United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan anytime they want. Choshu and Satsuma hated this.

"That sucks," they said. "This sucks!!!!"

And with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogun, and somehow made the emperor the emperor again and moved him to Edo which they renamed Eastern Capital. They made a new government, which was a lot more western, they made a new constitution that was pretty western, and a military that was pretty western. And do you know what else is western? That's right, it's conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? Korea! They conquer Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further, and Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says "stop, no, you can't take that. We were gonna build a railroad through here to try and get some warm water." And Russia builds their railroad supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. And then, when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuck ton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade.

And Japan says, "can you maybe chill?"

And Russia says "how about maybe you chill?"

Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You'll never guess who else is kind of scared of Russia: Great Britain. So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia.

Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, just for a moment and then they both get tired and stop.

It's time for World War 1.

The world is about to have a war because it's the 1900s and all the weapons are getting crazy and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants more. And the next thing on their list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands. All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on by Britain because Britain was friends with Belgium which was being trespassed by Germany in order to make it to France to kick France's ass because France is friends with Russia, who was getting read to kick Austria's ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia's ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria's ass, er, actually shot him in the head. And Britain is currently friends with Japan, so you know what that means? Duh, Japan should take the islands! Which they wanted to do anyways, so they called Britain on the telle(gram) to sort of let them know, and then they did it. And they also helped Britain a little here and there With some errands and stuff.

Now the war is over, and congratulations, Japan! You technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiation table with the big dudes were they decide who owns what. And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. You also get to join the Post-War Mega Alliance, the League of Nations, whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world.

The Great Depression is bad, and Japan's economy is now crappy, but the military is doing just fine and invades Manchuria, and the League of Nations is like, "no, don't do that, if you're in the League of Nations you're not supposed to take over the world!"

And Japan said, "how 'bout I do, anyway?"

And Japan invaded more and more and more and more of China and was planning on invading the entire east!

You've got mail!

It's from Germany. The new leader of Germany, he has a cool mustache, and he's trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common.

It's time for World War 2.

Germany is invading the neighbors; then they invade the neighbors' neighbors; then the neighbors' neighbors' neighbors said "holy shit!" and the United States started helping Britain because they are good friends and started not helping Japan because "their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they're planning on invading the entire ocean." The United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever, just in case. But they still haven't joined the war; war looks bad on TV, and the United States is really starting to care about their image. But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii and challenges them to war! And they say yes. And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also. So the United States goes to war in Europe, and they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also start chasing Japan back into Japan. And they haven't used the bomb yet and are curious to see if it works. So they drop it on Japan. They actually drop two.

The United States installed a new government, inspired by the United States government with just the right ingredients for a post-war economic miracle. And Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles, and camcorders as fast as they can, and also better than everybody else. They get rich and the economy goes wild, and then the miracle wears off.

But everything's still pretty cool, I guess.

Bye. 

#history of japan #history #japan #japanese history #my contribution to tumblr #I'm so sorry #bill wurtz #meme #why did i do this #world war 1 #world war 2 #america #russia #england #china #korea #buddhist #dutch #christianity #railroad

[blue-ultramarine]

Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♫beautiful♫.

In the year -1,000,000,000, Japan might not have been here. In the year -40,000, it was here and you could walk to it; and some people walked to it. Then, it got warmer, some ice bergs melted, it became an island, and now there’s lots of trees because it’s warmer.

So now, there’s people on the island. They’re basically sort of hanging out (in between the mountains), eating nuts off trees, and using the latest technology like stones and bowls.

Ding dong. It’s the outside world and they have technology from the future like really good metal and crazy rice farms. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own a farm, you own a lot of food. Which is something everybody needs to survive. So that makes you king.

Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most most important. Ruled by a “heavenly superperson” or (emperor) for short.

Knock knock. Get the door, it’s Religion. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from baekje.

“Please try this religion.” he said.

“No.” said everybody.

“Try it” he said.

“No.” said everybody again, quieter this time.

And so, the religion was put into place and all of the rules that came with it.

Then, the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China’s government, which is a government that governs more.

“Hi, China.” They said.

“Hi, dipshit” said China.

“Can you call us something else, other than ‘dipshit’?” said Japan.

“Like what?” said China.

“♫How about sunrise land?♫” said Japan. And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. About themselves. And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. Then, they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. Right here. And they conquered the north, finally. Get that squared away.

A rich hipster named Kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits China, and learns a better version which is more ♫spiritual♫, comes back, re-invents the alphabet, and causes art and literature to be ♫great♫ for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country.

So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals?

♫Hire a samurai♫ Everyone started hiring samurai.

*Rich important people hired samurai. *Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. The samurai became organized and powerful; more powerful than the government. So they made their own military government here. They let the emperor still be “emperor”, but the shogun is actually in control.

Breaking news. The Mongols have invaded China.

“W̖͖̣̬̰̮͐ͯͩ̔͊e̥̜͕̱̝̓ͅ'̇ͪͫͮ́̈́v̞̼͍̿̋͌ê͓̜͎̪̼̻̦̆ i͈̣̬̘n͖̹͈̫͚͎͇͊ͬv̮͈͕͚͔͆́̌͊̀a̦̓d͆̄̄͊̃ͦ͒ḛ̖̮̭̦̗̾̈́̃ͪ̈́d̐ͧ C̘͒͑̃͒ͥ̚h̻̖̯̝̠̩͎̎̉̓̿̂̈́i̫͎̬͈̎̿̈́̆̄ͭn͙̮͉̖̑͛̿͗̚a͙̼͆.͈͇̠͖̭͎͍ͧ̆̍̆̂̆”said the Mongols.

“Please respect us, or else we might invade you as well.”

“Okay.” said Japan.

So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado. But they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornado. Then, the emperor overthrows the shogun. Then, the shogun overthrows them back, and moves to Kyoto and makes a new shogun. And the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine.

♫Now there’s more art♫ Painting with less colors. Collaborative poetry. Plays. Monkey fun. Tea parties. Gardening. Architecture. Flowers.

It’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun?

Usually, it’s the shoguns kid, but the shogun doesn’t have a kid. So he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says, “Okay.” But then the shogun has a kid. So now, who’s is going to be? Vote now on your phones. And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn’t care. He was off somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces.

Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game.

Knock knock. It’s Europe. No, they’re not here to take over. They just want to sell some shit like clocks and guns and ♫Jesus♫. So that’s cool, but everyone’s still fighting each other for control. Now with guns. And wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital? Which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them.

This clan is ready to make a run for it. But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. Surprise. The smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. And it goes very well. He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him kills him. And then someone else who works for him kills them. And that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody’s swords, and made some rules.

“And now I’m going to invade Korea and then hopefully China.” he said.

And failed.

And also died.

Before he died he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said, “Yeah, right. It’s not gonna be this kid. It’s gonna be one of us because we’re grownups.” And it’s probably gonna be this guy, who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. A lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight and he wins and starts a new government right here.

♫~Edo~♫ And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor and have very nice things. But don’t get confused; this is the new government and they are (very strict). So strict, that they closed the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in, except for the Dutch, if they want to buy an sell shit. But they have to do it right here.

Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, population increased a lot. Business increased. Schools were built. Roads were built. Everyone learned to read. Books were published. There was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and Dutch studies.

People started studying European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity.

Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down.

Knock knock. It’s the United States. With huge boats (with guns). Gunboats.

“Open. The country. Stop having it be closed.” said the United States.

There’s really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets the United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan anytime they want. Choshu and Satsuma hated this.

“That sucks.” they said.

“This sucks!”

And with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogun, and somehow, made the emperor, the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed, “Eastern Capital.” They made a new government, which was a lot more western. They made a new constitution, that was pretty western. And a military that was… Pretty western.

And do you know what else was western? That’s right, it’s conquering stuff. So, what can we conquer? Korea. They conquer Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further, and Russia rushes in out of no where and says, “Stop. No, you can’t take that. We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.”

And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. And then, when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuck ton. Did I say “downgrade”? I meant “upgrade.”

And Japan says:

“Can you maybe chill?”

And Russia says:

“How about maybe you chill?” Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You’ll never guess who’s also kind of scared of Russia. Great Britain. So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop.

♫~It’s time for World War 1~♫ The world is about to have a war. Because it’s the 1900s and weapons are getting crazy. And all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m̞͇̲̗̖̥͚̬o̬̹͖̜ͅr̞̫͚e̲̹͉̩ and the next thing on their list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands.

All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, which was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France was friends with Russia, who was getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Seriba’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass. Or, actually, shot him in the head. And Britain was currently friends with Japan, so you know what that means. Duh.

♫Japan should take the islands♫ Which, they wanted to do anyways. So they called Britain on the tele to sort of let them know. And then they did it. And they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff.

Now the war is over and, congratulations, Japan. You technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. And, yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. You also get to join the post-war mega alliance.

♫The League of Nations♫ Whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world.

The Great Depression is bad, and Japan’s economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria, and the League of Nations is like:

“No, don’t do that, if you’re in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to take over the world!”

And Japan is like:

“♫~ How about I do, anyway?~♫”

And Japan invaded more and more and more of China and was planning to invade the entire east.

You’ve got mail.

It’s from Germany. The new leader of Germany. He has a cool mustache, and he’s trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common.

♫~It’s time for World War 2~♫ Germany is invading the neighbors, then they invade the neighbors neighbors, then the neighbors neighbors neighbors who happen to be Britain said, “♫Holy shit♫" And the United States started helping Britain because they are ♫Good friends♫. And started not helping Japan because ♫their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean♫. The United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case. But they still haven’t joined the war. War looks bad on T.V., and the United States is really starting to care about their image. But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii, and challenges them to war. And they say, “Yes.” And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the Unites States also.

So the United States goes to war in Europe and they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany and they also start chasing Japan back into Japan, and they haven’t used the bomb yet and are curious to see if it works.

So they drop it on Japan.

They actually drop two.

United States installed a new government inspired by the United States government, with just the right ingredients for a ♫post-war economic miracle♫. And Japan starts making T.Vs, V.C.R.s, automobiles, and camcorders, as fast as they can, and also better than everybody else.

They get rich and the economy goes wild. And then the miracle wears off. But everything’s still pretty cool, I guess.

♫Bye.♫

#history of Japan #shitpost

[sadheartsongs]

twenty one pilots • trench

hello and welcome to this blog. this is supposed to tell you about beautiful new and probably older records, depends on when i’m going to listen. haha. for now, i thought the perfect record to start this thing is the new twenty one pilots album. whoop whoop.

twenty one pilots • trench

i’m pretty sure that i wasn’t the only one who wasn’t on twitter, instagram and all that stuff like everyday in the past year, following theories, listening to their old stuff and impatiently waiting for the hiatus being finally over, one day after it started. i understand all of you, seriously. this band saved so many of us and made our lifes so much better, disappearing this way hurted a lot of us. anyway. it came to an end and this record came out, along with a lot of tourdates - if they’re playing near you, GO. it’s expensive but worth every penny. i can’t wait for my date(s). <3

• jumpsuit: i can’t believe how much i hate pressures of a new place roll my way. jumpsuit jumpsuit, cover me. // i remember listen to this song for the first time so well, this feeling was like the end of a very confusing time, the start of something new, like a new sunrise when you look up to the sky and feel relief and everything is finally going to be alright again. well, i think this was the perfect choice for the first single because this sums up the whole record pretty much? and it basically makes the perfect transition from blurryface to the new era like - spirits in the room, friends or foe? felt it when i’m young, feel it when i’ old. i’ll be right there but you have to grab my throat and lift me in the air. (well, i seriously so can’t wait to hear this part live) this are exactly the parts tyler has  always painted black on his body while being on stage. well.

• levitate: don’t feed me to the vultures ‘cause i’m a vulture who feeds on pain // i admit i’m probably going to jail because i listened to the leaked version. oops. but u feel me when you’re listening to this right? i’m always in awe when tyler starts rapping like this, i don’t understand how the twitter people always have this one on the last places on their trench ranking? have u ever listened to this song? and please think about the fact that josh also wrote lyrics for this, APPRECIATE IT; DAMNIT! and the ‘welcome to trench’ part at the end, how can you not love that. this song represents the beginning of the new era, the start of something wonderful. show it more love.

• morph: for if and when we go ‘above’, the question still remains, are we still in love and is it possible that we feel the same? // a lot of people say that morph is their favorite and i can totally understand. the shoutout to blurryface, named nicolas bourbaki (i really like that name), the ‘not done... josh dun’ part, you won’t ever get rid of that earworm again and catch yourself singing the lyrics in every situation ... and i love it when tyler hits the high notes. i like the alternative vibe of this. this is probably the song of trench. i guess that could be a single one day, remember my words. 

• my blood: when everyone you thought you knew deserts your fight, i’ll go with you. // the fourth song we got to hear - i already fell in love with the few secods we got to hear in that spot haha - the fact that tyler most probably wrote this for the clique makes my heart melt so much. the fact that he loves and needs us as much as we need him. and they were so afraid that we all cold be gone while the hiatus. fuck, we’ll never leave. do they know that i was grown with you? we’ll go with you, wherever this may be. we’ll hold your light, we grab our bags and go with you. and we’ll stay, you don’t need to run. stay with me, my blood. and again, i love those high notes, damn. 

• chlorine: sipping on straight chlorine, let the vibe slide over me. this beat is a chemical. // ahhhhh. here we are, my favorite song on this record. i knew it the second the song started and it hasn’t changed since then. i seriously just love everything about it. the beginning ‘so where are you? it’s been a little while....’ well i think that would’ve been the perfect first song for the shows but who asks me, haha. the beat, the lyrics, tylers voice, the fact that the whole song is about his time staying in dema (at least i guess so) - i’m running for my life. that he compares living with blurry / nico to sipping on straight chlorine. i love the slow part at the end. i’m sorry i forgot you. favorite song. i hate it that it’s not on the setlist. give this gem more attention. give it all the love you have. love love loveeee.

• smithereens: but if i’m feeling someone stepping towards you  can’t describe just what i’m feeling // how beautiful is the fact that tyler wrote this beautiful song about the love iof his life, jenna? you know i had to do one on the record for her like this. this is seriously the cutest thing ever, they have such a luck. i hope that this is forever. i followed jennas midnight cooking the past year on instagram, now we know that she did this to support tyler on writing and recording and this is so fucking heartwarming. if there’s one otp in this world, it’s definitely tyler and jenna. all the love for them, all the love for this song.

• neon gravestones: i could give up and boost my reputation, i could go out with a bang, they would know my name // fuck. fuuuck. this song hits me everytime i listen to it, real deep. the warm fuzzy feeling you got while listening to smithereens goes into a cold, freezing wind. a lot of the twenty one pilots songs are about (the thoughts of) suicide but i think this one is the one who hits hard the most, which gets you thinking about everything and everyone. i can’t find words for how this song makes me feel. but he’s so right with his words.’you mourn for a kid but won’t cry for a king - if i lose to myself, you won’t mourn a day and you’ll move on to someone else’ it’s actually like this, if someone ‘famous’ dies everyone is like oh my god i’m so sorry i was always such a big fan and stuff and the next day everyone has already forgotten about them. the world is so false and fake those days and that’s a pretty sad fact. and i hope, i pray (and i never pray usually) that we really never, never, never have to read or write such stuff about them. this is the kind of song you can’t listen to while doing something and just sing along. you have to get in and get in deep. and think about it.

• the hype: nice to know my kind will be on my side. i don’t believe the hype // am i the only one who thought of ‘wonderwall’ instantly? damn i love indie-influenced songs so much and that’s one of the reasons why i like this one so much. don’t believe the hype, it can be over anytime soon. or go on for months, years, forever? we also don’t believe the hype. but i’m happy that the hype exists so i got into them and this is one of the best things that happened to me the past years.

•  nico and the niners: east is up, i’m fearless when i hear this on the low. i’m careless when i wear my rebel clothes // the second song after the hiatus. i’ll never forget listening to this for the first time. i’ll never forget walking through london a few days later, singing this song the whole time. if you haven’t followed the dema thing during the hiatus this whole song might won’t make much sense to you. (but the video, maybe!) the whole thing about nico (bourbaki) and the niners (bishops) is pretty confusing but that’s the thing about this band, nothing is ever easy or instantly understandable. there’s much cryptic stuff and theories and you’ll be in conpletely or not at all. and its worth it being in at all. and you’ll have a earworm of this song forever, isn’t that amazing?

• cut my lip: though i am bruised faces of contusions know i’ll keep moving // i read another review of trench lately and they said that this one is a rather ‘boring’ song. well, i don’t think so. i like the kinda rebel attituide tyler has there. and another kinda indie-influenced vibe. and high notes! and the ‘i’m a lion’-part... they said it before. i like lions.

• bandito: i could take the high road but i know that i’ll be going low // bandito is the motto of the tour. the bandito tour. i love this. and this song is my secret favorite on this record. it has to grow on you, at least it had to grow on me but once it got you, you won’t get it off. ever. i love the slow beginning of the song and how it gets faster at the end and this is like the feeling you have shortly before your favorite band coes on stage and you get ore and more excited with every second. ‘i created this world to feel some control’  this world - trench. trench is the place where we can go. some kind of sanctuary. we all need a trench for our own.

• pet cheetah: my houses the one where the vultures are perched on the roof // oh dear. seriously, i don’t know what to say about this one haha. i like the beginning of the song, most of it but the ‘i got a pet cheetah down in my basement...’ part? the hell? haha. what the fuck? this song is like to personalities talking to each other in one head, maybe fighting or making up or whatever... i’d love to have this kind of drugs yo need to write this stuff and end up putting it on a record. but, i like it, it’s something you wouldn’t expect and that makes it special and kinda loveable. but i need to know why he called the cheetah jason statham.

•  legend: you’re a legend in my own mind. my middle name, my goodbye // tyler wrote this song for is grandpa who passed away lately. this ís one of the worst things that can happen to you if you’re a lucky one and be good with your grandparents (or family at all.) i love the ‘you were one of those classic ones’ part, this sounds like a own classic. like something you’ve already heard before, something you know and makes you feel warm and fuzzy. but the lyrics makes you sad again, it’s a bad feeling when someone you love suddenly don’t kow you anymore. but you have the memories, nothig can ever take this away. and there will be a day when you’re having lunch together again.

• leave the city: they know that it’s almost over // the last song on this album.in time i will leave the city but for now i will stay alive. this is like a metaphor i guess, there will be a time where we can leave the ‘city’, the prisons in our head, dema, whatever got caught us up. and until then we have to stay alive, better times will come. or at least better feelings. and if you’re lucky, you’ll end up far from home. in trench. in trench you’re not alone.

• • •

i guess the long wait and even the hiatus was worth it - for me, this is the album of the year. or more. i know i can’t write a objective review about this - i’m way too much up their asses for this haha - but if you need an album, which makes you cry and smile, dance and think, make you feel alone and not alone at all at the same time, listen to this. just close your eyes and listen to tyler singing and josh drummig. it will take you to a better place, you can forget about shit for a while. everything will be alright in the end.

#twenty one pilots #trench #review #blog #personal #tyler joseph #josh dun

[caredogstips]

Microsoft’s new dog-labeling app presents hilarious outcomes for cats and presidential candidates

By now, most of us have given up on our annual January attempts to molted some of the plethora weight our widespread holiday feasting slapped on us. We’ve held dieting a shot. We’ve affected the gym. The most frantic of us may have even dipped with fucking CrossFit. Yet as the weeks go by, we’re gradually adjusted to our brand-new, slightly portlier illustrations and hearing to espouse the additional padding.

At least, that’s how most of us role. A select few will take one last-place, pathetic stair and decide to give working out at home a try. You know, because the driving to and from the gym is what certainly suctions about works out. Not everyone can afford to shell out for their own cardio machine and an array of weights, though, and opt instead to offer still-obscene dollar amounts for fruitless machines that predict a shortcut to health and fitness. For precedent …

HTAG 1 TT# 5. Osim iGallopHETAG 1 TT

Do you like horseback riding, but hate the notion of owning and caring for a giant swine? That … actually forms feel. Riding’s pretty good exercise, but horses are a hassle unless you happen to have a handy stable nearby, which you don’t. Also, a pony devour and turds, and keeping up with both expenditures about as much as a car remittance every month.

Way less happy to place a bullet in your vehicle where reference is breaks down, though . It’s not the ideal setup for the occasional 20 -minute workout, is what I’m adding. So why not get a phony mare? I’m not speak about kids’ rocking horse, or one of those mechanical police western-themed prohibits are so fond of( although if you have the chamber and money, sacred shit, utterly buy a mechanical cop ). “Theres” designs out there that simulate your body’s push during going, minus the “hanging on for dear life” constituent — which, come to think of it, is approximately 99 percent of the exercising you get from pony journeying. Oh well. Still, maybe products such as the iGallop aren’t a ended waste of time. Let’s appreciate what the ads say it can do TAGEND

… um. Ma’m? I’m not sure if you’re well informed it, but there’s no way you’re performing in an ad for a fitness product. Maybe that’s what you were hired for, but that’s either a Jessica Simpson video or the first times of a softcore porn flick. There’s no way whatever the hell you’re sitting on is a machine for “exercise, ” and even less of a chance told machine doesn’t vibrate.

OK, perhaps I’m being a little unfair. Maybe that shabby GIF is just an anomaly, and the product’s official promo draws don’t make it looks just like a orgasmatron.

Wrong !

I’m not saying this is necessarily a bad product. Few happenings that are designed to stimulate your ass slimmer are without at least a bit inherent ethic. Still, I don’t care how great a core manager this thing is — if you’re willing to move $400 at it, you might as well protrude it in a neighbourhood of honor in your living room and perhaps glue a few dildos on it. Because there’s no way in blaze any person who has considers it is going to believe it’s anything but a fancy Sybian.

HTAG 2 TT# 4. The Face TrainerHETAG 2 TT

SkyMall is a gift that stops on giving for enterprising slapstick websites. Their sales are comprised of 70 percent panicked knack orders, 30 percentage irony, and 100 percentage is just so endured and/ or drunk that ordering wine glass incumbent necklaces for your entire extended family seems like a funny meaning. Still, at least the company generally restraint its antics to the kind of clever-but-not-quite-useful trash Billy Mays had an opportunity to peddled back in the working day. It’s not like their target audience is more into the fitness marke–

Oh, god dammit .

Yes, that is a workout concealment for your face muscles. And yes , it works by working “proven principals of resistance trained to facial muscles” — which, let’s face it, is just a fancy terminology for “It’s a really fucking tight disguise, and now you have to represent faces. Cause us money.” The Face Trainer promises to take years off you, which is a claim I actually amply imagine, because there’s no way you won’t get chased off a cliff by a torch-wielding syndicate if you go out in public wearing this thing, doing frenetic Frankenstein faces to keep it from suffocating you.

Unfortunately, it looks like the product was too stupid for even SkyMall, since it’s nowhere to be found on their area today. Or is it ? A search with the keyword “trainer” gives me a bunch of Mad Max -themed neon trikes, panicking elliptical trainers with random lines, a Star Wars “Force trainer” because of fucking course, and … the “Tribal Style Giraffe Mask.”

Look at the Tribal Style Giraffe Mask. Look at it TAGEND Somewhere, the Jigsaw Killer is furiously masturbating .

There’s no way that act won’t slimed the shit out of your face the second you try it on, likely bear-trap-style. And you will try it on, if simply to stillness its constant whispering in eldritch tongues.

HTAG 3 TT# 3. ViPRHETAG 3 TT So you’re marching down the common early in the morning, doing something I generously presuppose is not crime-related, when you abruptly come across groupings of creepy fitness types waving immense records around.( Oh, get your sentiment out of the trough .) Like so TAGEND

“You won’t get away this time, Cobra Commander! ”

Hahahahahaha! What the actual fucking is going on? Did you stumble upon a Warriors -style territorial engagement between two 1980 s-themed CrossFit cliques? A no-budget Masters Of The Universe LARP?

Nothing that sane, I’m afraid. You’ve exactly watched the ViPR in action, and things aren’t going to get any better once those people actually start moving.

If you didn’t watch that video, two things. One: Delight do; you owe it to yourself. Two: That precise same convict, exclusively much louder.

The ViPR infomercial is a simple piece of work at heart.

Surely .

Basically, it’s several spandex-clad fitness enthusiasts doing the Stormtrooper stun baton twirl …

No need to click that relation. It searched exactly like this in the movie .

… simulating everyday pleasures such as shoveling …

I feel ?

… and even clumsily engaging in some of that bullshit Klingon pretend fighting in which they slap each others’ bat’leths and expect parties to be impressed.

Nerds !

Only they don’t have dazed wands, or scoops, or unwieldable blade things. They’re doing everything there is with a fucking log. Called ViPR . I entail, I imagine the record is called ViPR, but maybe I misconstrue something and it’s actually the true reputation of the entity that possesses all these beings and obliges them to do stupid shit for our amusement.

Example .

Again, I’m not saying this stupidly-named fucking thought is inevitably a bad produce at heart. It has a number of gaps that it declarations moves it fully consistent with a number of other incomprehensibly-named gadgets the more impressionable gym might boast, so I guess you can at the least join all those bullshit events into a monstrous Voltron of uselessness when you inevitably get bored with it. It’s just that if you’re trying to get in shape, I’d wager there are better ways to go about it than an exercise implement that moves you look like the Star Wars Kid grew up and connected a fraternity.

RTAG 34 TTRead more:

It’s easy to think of Microsoft as a giant, boring corporation that is good at the boring trash but bad at everything else. Over the past several months, though, the computing monstrous has shown off a bit personality with its artificial intelligence projectsthe latest of which is made to identify dog engenders.

Fetch !, the latest be applied in A.I. are derived from the quirky and experimental change arm called Microsoft Garage, can take any scene you shed at it and develop an trained guess at what dog is in the epitome. It’s facial acknowledgment but for pups.

The app, available on Web and mobile, also provides some fragments of information for each produce, discontinuing lore on a dog’s disposition, size, coat and what types of houses are best suited for each.

Fetch! differentiates the first crack at animal discovery from Microsoftprior to it, the company rolled out several apps specific for identifying information about humen. Using its neural networks scaffold, Microsoft created tools that guess a person’s age, identifies twinneds, and detects passions in facial expressions.

So how accurate is Fetch? Stick with purebred bird-dogs and it’s pretty good.

Microsoft Fetch

Microsoft Fetch

Microsoft Fetch

Mixed reproduces threw the app for a loop.

Microsoft Fetch

Microsoft Fetch

Microsoft Fetch

Dogs in disguise can beat the algorithms.

Microsoft Fetch

Microsoft Fetch

Microsoft Fetch

It didn’t do enormous with caricature dogs…

Microsoft Fetch

Microsoft Fetch

… though in it’s justification, Charlie B. Barkin from All Dogs Go to Heaven was technically dead and Snoopy was acting as a World War I fighter pilot, so Fetch! is rightthere are no pups to be found in those images.

Fetch! also thinks every feline is a pomeranian.

Microsoft Fetch

Microsoft Fetch

Microsoft Fetch

It might not be for felines, but Microsoft tones Fetch! isn’t just for dogsit’s for humen as well. “Just for recreation, we include a mode that would allow us to find out what hound engenders you and your friends are, ” the app description reads.

It’s smart of Microsoft to include that in its programming a room be held accountable for photographs of parties, because that’s exactly what everyone was going to heave at the app anyway. There’s simply one real practice to take advantage of that boast to the best of its ability: by throwing the remaining presidential candidates at it.

Microsoft Fetch

“Gets along with just about everyone” couldn’t be further from the truth for Ted Cruz, a follower who has managed to irritate even his closest friends in the U.S. Senate. But “eager to please” is mostly how his foe Marco Rubio described him on the campaign trail, saying he is “willing to say or do anything that are intended to win.”

Microsoft Fetch

“Face of a werewolf.” Yep, that checks out.

Microsoft Fetch

Rubio is the youngest party extending for chairwoman, so energetic and anxious fit him well. And his path to succes is in need of him to soak up voters from lesser nominees as they drop out of the hasten, which is basically preying on small-scale swine. He’s emphatically vocalhe just seems to say the same circumstance over and over again when he now open the mouth.

Microsoft Fetch

Jeb Bush( likely the inspiration for the Retrieve! mention with his Jeb! branding) is the real golden retriever here , not Ted Cruz. He’s just waiting for the voters to realize that.

Microsoft Fetch

John Kasich has been in politics for a very long time. He knows the game. Has it all precisely been an ongoing distraction to keep him from rending up tissues in the trash bin?

Microsoft Fetch

Bernie Sanders is no other candidate passing for chairman who isn’t beholden to the Big MilkBone manufacture. He wants to give every person the opportunity to be a good dog.

Microsoft Fetch

Everyone knows Hillary Clinton’s resume. They know what she’s reached and what she wants to do. But to earn the confidence of the voters, she is going to have to finally answer the issues to: is she a rough or smooth collie?

Photo via Microsoft

Read more:

The post Microsoft’s new dog-labeling app presents hilarious outcomes for cats and presidential candidates appeared first on caredogstips.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2t2Q8Jc via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

[do-tties]

japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♫ beautiful ♫ in the year negative a billion japan might not’ve been here. in the year negative 40,000 it was here. and you could walk to it. and some people walked to it. then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island and now there’s lots of ~trees~ (because it’s warmer.) so now there’s people on the island, they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology. like stones. and bowls. ding dong, it’s the outside world and they have technology from the future. like really good metal. and crazy rice farms. now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. that means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to /survive/. so that makes you king. rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here. the most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here and here. but this one was the most most important, ruled by a “heavenly superperson”, called emperor for short. knock knock. get the door, it’s religion. the new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from baekje. “please try this religion,” he said. “no,” said everybody. “try it,” he said. “no,” said everybody again, quieter this time. and so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. then the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms, like making the government govern more, and making the government more like china’s government, which is a government that governs more. “hi china,” they said. “hi dipshit,” said china. “can you call us something else, other than dipshit?” said japan. “like what?” said china. “♫ how about sunrise land? ♫” said japan. and they stole china’s alphabet and wrote a book. about themselves. and then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. right here. and they conquered the north finally, get that squared away. a rich hipster named kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits china and learns a better version which is more ~spiritual~ comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be ~great~ for a long time. and the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country. so if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? ♫ hire a samurai ♫ everyone started hiring samurai. (correction: rich important people hired samurai. poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai.) the samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. so they made their own military government, here. they let the emperor still be “emperor”, but the shogun is actually in control. BREAKING NEWS the Mongols have invaded China. “we’ve invaded china,” said the mongols. “please respect us, or else we might invade you as well.” “okay,” said japan. so the mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado. but they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the japanese but then died in a tornado. then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moves to kyoto and makes a new shogunate. and the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine. ♫ now there’s more art ♫ like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. it’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun? usually it’s the shogun’s kid. but the shogun doesn’t have a kid, so he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. he says ok. but then the shogun has a kid. so now who’s it gonna be? vote now on your phones. and everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. the shogun actually didn’t care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. and the whole country broke into pieces. everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game. knock knock. it’s europe. no, they’re not here to take over (yet) they just wanna sell some shit. like clocks. and guns. and ~jesus~. so that’s cool, but everyone’s still fighting with each other for control. now with guns!! and wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them? this clan is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. surprise, the smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital, and it goes very well. he’s about halfway through conquering japan when someone who works for him kills him, and then someone else who works for him kills them. and that guy finishes conquering japan. and then he confiscated everybody’s swords and made some rules. “and now i’m going to invade korea, and then hopefully china,” he said and failed, and also died. but before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his 5 year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of japan. and the five guys said “Yeah, Right. it’s not gonna be this kid. it’s gonna be one of Us. cuz we’re /grownups/.” and it’s probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. a lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. they have a fight, and he wins, and starts a new government, right here ~Edo~ and he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor and have very nice things. but don’t get confused. this is the new government, and they are very strict. so strict they closed the country. no one can leave, and no one can come in. except for the dutch, if they want to buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here. now that the entire country was not at war with itself the population increased a lot. business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published, there was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and dutch studies. people started to study european science from books they bought from the dutch. we’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, maybe even electricity. over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down- knock knock. it’s the United States. with huge boats. (with guns) (gunboats) “open the country. stop having it be closed.” said the united states. there’s really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets united states, britain and russia visit japan anytime they want. choshu and satsuma hated this. “that sucks.” they said. “this sucks!!!!” and with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogunate, and somehow made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to edo which they renamed eastern capital. they made a new government which was “a lot more western”. they made a new constitution that was pretty western and a military that was pretty western. and do you know what else is western? that’s right, it’s conquering stuff. so what can we conquer? korea. they conquer korea, taking it from its previous owner china, and then go a little bit further. and russia rushes in out of nowhere and says “stop, no, you can’t take that. we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” and russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. and then when the railroad was done they downgraded to a fuck ton. (did i say downgrade? i meant upgrade.) and japan says “can you maybe chill?” and russia says “How About Maybe You Chill?” japan’s kinda scared of russia. you’ll never guess who’s also kinda scared of russia. great britain. so japan and great britain make an alliance together so they can be “a little less scared of Russia”. feeling confident, japan goes to war against russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. ♫ it’s time for World War 1 ♫ The World is about to Have A War because it’s the 1900’s and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. meanwhile japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants ｍ ｏ ｒ ｅ and the next thing on our list is this part of china and lots of tiny islands. all that stuff belongs to germany, which has just had war declared on them by britain, because britain was friends with belgium, which is being trespassed by germany in order to get to france to kick france’s ass because france is friends with russia who is getting ready to kick austria’s ass because austria is getting ready to kick serbia’s ass because someone from serbia shot the leader of austria’s ass. (er, actually shot him in the head.) and britain is currently friends with japan, so you know what that means? duh. ♫ japan should take the islands ♫ which they wanted to do anyway. so they called britain on the tele to sort of let them know. and then they did it. and they also helped britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. now the war is over and congratulations japan you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes where they decided who owns what. and yes, japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from germany. you also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫ the League of Nations ♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. the great depression is bad and japan’s economy is now crappy. but the military is doing just fine and it invades manchuria. and the League of Nations is like “no, don’t do that, if you’re in the league of nations you’re not supposed to take over the world!” but japan said ♫ how bout i do anyway? ♫ and japan invaded more and more and more and more of china and was planning to invade the entire east. You’ve Got Mail it’s from germany. the new leader of germany. he has a cool moustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. this also got forwarded to italy, and they all decided to be friends because they have so much in common. ♫ it’s time for World War 2 ♫ (the sequel) germany is invading the neighbors. then they invade the neighbor’s neighbors. then the neighbor’s neighbor’s neighbors, who happened to be britain said “holy shit” and the united states started helping britain because they are ♫ good friends ♫ and started not helping japan because ♫ their friends and our friends are not friends ♫ ♫ plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean ♫ the united states is also working on a large very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever™, just in case. but they still haven’t joined the war. war looks bad on tv, and the united states is really starting to care about their image. but then japan spits on them in hawaii and challenges them to war, and they say yes. and then germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the united states also, and so the united states goes to war in europe. and they help the gang chase germany back in to germany, and they also start chasing japan back into japan. and they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on japan. they actually drop two. united states installed a new government inspired by the united states government with just the right ingredients for a ♫ post-war economic miracle ♫ and japan starts making tvs, vcrs automobiles and camcorders as fast as they can and also better than everybody else. they get rich and the economy goes wild and then the miracle wears off but everything’s still pretty cool i guess ♫ bye ♫ - omg i'm crying this is the best wake up gift thank u

#JADE #submissions #LONG POST #submission

[majesticalspaghett-blog]

haha

Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it's ♫ beautiful ♫ ! In the year negative a billion, Japan might not've been here. In the year -40,000 it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. Then it got warmer, so an iceberg melted, it became an island, and now there lot's of trees! Because it's warmer. So now there's people on the island and they're basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains, eating nuts off trees, and using the latest technology. Like stones, and bowls. Ding dong, it's the outside world. And they have technology from the future. Like really good metal, and crazy rice farms. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to survive. So that makes you king. Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most most important, ruled by a heavenly super person, or emperor for short. Knock knock, get the door, it's religion. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from Baekje. "Please try this religion," he said. "No," said everybody. "Try it," he said. "No," said everybody again, quieter this time. And so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. Then, the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms. Like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China's government, which is a government that governs more. "Hi China," they said. "Hi dipshit," said China. "Can you call us something else other than dipsh!t?" said Japan. "Like what?" said China. "How about ♫ sunrise land ♫ ?" said Japan. And they stole China's alphabet and wrote a book, about themselves. And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. Right here, and they conquered the north, finally. Get that squared away. A rich hipster named Kūkai (空海) is bored with modern Buddhism and learns a better version which is more ♫ spiritual ♫ comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be ♫ great ♫ for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn't give a shit about governing the country. So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? ♫ hire a samurai ♫ Everyone started hiring samurai. Correction: rich, important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. The samurai became organized and powerful. More than the government, so they made their own military government here. They let the emperor still be "emperor," but the shogun is actually in control. Breaking news: the Mongols have invaded China. "We have invaded China," said the Mongols. "Please respect us, or we might invade you as well." "Okay," said Japan. So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and then died in a tornado. They tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornado. Then the emperor overthrew the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moved to Kyoto and makes a new shogunate, and the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that's fine. ♫ now there's more art ♫ Like paining with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. It's time for Who's Going To Be The Next Shogun? Usually it's the shogun's kid, but the shogun doesn't have a kid, so he tries to et his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says okay, but then the shogun has a kid. So now who's it gonna be? Vote now on your phones! And everyone voted so hard, that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn't care, he was somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it's anybody's game. Knock knock, it's Europe. No, they're not here to take over (yet). They just wanna sell some shit. Like clocks. And guns. And ♫ Jesus ♫ So that's cool, but everyone's still fighting each other for control, now with guns. And wouldn't it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them. This clan is ready to make a run for it. But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. Surprise! Smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. It goes very well. He's about halfway through conquering Japan, when someone who works for him kills him. And then someone else who works for him kills him. And that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody's swords. And made some rules. "And now I'm going to invade Korea, and then hopefully China," he said, and failed, and also died. But before he died, he told these 5 guys to take care of his 5 year old son until he's old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the 5 guys said "Yeah, right. It's not gonna be this kid, it's gonna be one of us. Because we're grownups. And it's probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than he others. A lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight. He wins! And starts a new government right here. ♫ Edo ♫ And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor, and have very nice things. But don't get confused, this is he new government, and they are very strict. So strict, they closed the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in. Except for the Dutch, they want to buy and sell sh!t, but they have to do it right here. Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot. Business increased, schools were opened, roads were built, everyone could read, books were published, poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and Dutch studies. People studied European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We're talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity. Over time the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow dow- .....Knock knock. It's the United States. With huge boats. With guns. Gunboats. "Open the country. Stop having it be closed." said the United States. There was really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan when they want. Chōshu and Satsuma hated that. "Hat sucks," they said. "This sucks!" And with very little outside help, they overthrew he shogunate, and made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed Eastern Capital (東京). They made a new government, which was a lot more western. They made a new constitution, that was pretty western. And a military that was pretty western. And do you know what else is western? That's right, it's conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? Korea! They conquered Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further, and Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, "Stop, no, you can't take that. We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water." And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers, and when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuck ton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade. And Japan says, "Can you maybe chill?" And Russia says, "How about maybe YOU chill?" Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You'll never guess who's also kind of scared of Russia. Great Britain. So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. ♫ It's time for World War One ♫ The world is about to have a war, because it's the 1900s, and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants more. And the next thing on the list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands. All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on it by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, which was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France's ass because France is friends with Russia, who was getting ready to kick Austria's ass, because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia's ass, because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria's ass, or actually he shot him in the head. And Britain is currently friends with Japan, so you know what that means. Duh! ♫ Japan should take the islands ♫ Which they wanted to do anyway. So they called Britain on the telegram to sort of let them know. And then they did it. And they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. Now the war is over, and congratulations Japan! You technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes, where they decided who gets what, and, yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. You also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫ the League of Nations ♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. The Great Depression is bad. Japan's economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria, and the League of Nations is line "no, don't do that, if you're in the League of Nations you're not supposed to take over the world," and Japan said, "♫ how about I do anyway ♫" and Japan invaded more and more and more and more of China and was planning to invade the whole entire east. You've got mail! It's from Germany. The new leader of Germany. He has a cool mustache and he's trying to take over the world, and he needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common. ♫ it's time for World War 2 ♫ Germany is invading their neighbors, then they invaded the neighbor's neighbors. Then the neighbor's neighbor's neighbor's who happens to be Britain said "holy shit" and the United States started helping Britain, because they are ♫ good friends ♫ and started not helping Japan because ♫ their friends and our friends are not friends, plus they're planning on invading the entire ocean ♫ The United States is also working on a large and very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case. But they still haven't joined the war. War looks bad on tv, and the United States is really starting to care about their image. But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii, and challenges hem to war, and they say yes. And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also. So the United States goes to war in Europe, and they helped he gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also start chasing Japan back into Japan, and they haven't used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works. So they drop it on Japan. They actually dropped 2. The United States installed a new government inspired by the United States government. Just the right ingredients for a ♫ post-war economic miracle ♫ and Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles, and camcorders as fast as they can. And also better than everybody else. They get rich, and the economy goes wild. And hen he miracle wears off. But everything's still pretty cool, I guess. ♫ bye ♫

[girlsofknoxville-blog]

Chapter 1

“I’m twenty-three years old.”

“Mhmm, and have you been living here your whole life?”

Nessa cleared her throat, her lips shifting to the side in a lopsided smile.

“Born and raised, baby.”

She was trying to lighten the mood in the interrogation room but the officer in front of her was having none of it. She wrung her wrists under the table, trying to keep them steady. If she was nervous, the officer couldn’t tell.

“What’s your relation with Trevor Hoffman?”

Nessa shrugged.

“Neighbours for as long as I could remember. His parents and my aunt and uncle would go out on double dates and they’d hire a babysitter to look after us.”

“I understand that this must be hard for you then.”

Liar. She didn’t actually understand. This is her job. To get people to trust her.

Nessa shifted in her seat, her nails now digging into her skin.

“It is. We were close. And now.. He’s buried ten feet in the ground surrounded by dirt and bugs. Yeah, it’s fucking hard.”

She bore her eyes into the officer’s bravely. The woman was not much bigger than Nessa was. Her hair pinned back in a slick bun, her freckles proudly taking their spot on her cheeks. She didn’t seem like she cared much about how she looked. Professionally, maybe, evident by her crisp ironed uniform. But aesthetically? No. 

Nessa used that to her advantage. She knew she was beautiful, she didn’t need anyone to tell her - although they do most of the time. Her dark ravenous hair and piercing blue eyes could make any guy or girl go absolutely nuts over her. And if that wasn’t enough, she always had her words. She could string words together and deliver it with utmost confidence that it makes a person believe that they’re actually stupid. There she was in action, attempting to make the officer feel inferior.

“Before you go any further, I want to get my lawyer in here.”

It always gets ridiculously hot around there during that time of the year. Faye could feel a drop of sweat trickle down her spine, her hazel eyes following Sahra’s paces in front of her.

“I always knew she’d get her sorry ass in jail sooner or later. But I didn’t thought it’d be so soon!”

“Sahra, settle, you’re giving me a headache.”

“Faye Newman? This way.”

Ugh, not officer Regent again. I hate her. And that stupid bun.

Faye took a deep breath and squeezed Sahra’s shoulder.

“Stay here, be good, don’t move an inch till I come out.”

“But-”

“I mean it. I don’t need another friend in jail.”

With a look of warning directed at Sahra, Faye followed Officer Regent down the hallway and into the interrogation room. Her eyes instantly met with Nessa’s. They were red around her irises as if she hasn’t slept in days. And she probably hasn’t. None of them have.

“Alright, Russo, your lawyer’s here. Now let’s talk.”

Nessa looked over at Faye who was now settling into her seat beside her. Faye nodded at her assuringly.

“Alright, fine. Ask away.” 

Chapter 2

Sahra watched as Faye made her way out of the interrogation room. Her blazer was now hanging over her arm. Faye nodded at her and left the building as Sahra followed hastily behind her.

“Well? What happened in there?”

“Say something.”

Faye dug her heel into the concrete steps and turned to look at her friend.

“They’re letting her go but she’s not allowed to leave town. She could still get called in for an interrogation at any time.”

“That’s great! She doesn’t go anywhere anyways. So why aren’t we waiting for her? How’s she gonna get home?”

“She’ll walk.”

“What? Are you nuts? She-”

Faye grabbed Sahra’s hand and looked at her pleadingly, trying to make her understand with just the look in her eyes.

“Listen. The less the cops know about our relationship with Nessa at this point, the better it is for her. So we’re going to get out of here as quickly as we can and we’ll meet her tonight. When it’s dark. And when everyone’s asleep. Now let’s go.”

Faye’s blonde locks illuminated as the 4 o’clock sunlight seeped in through the gaps of the window and reflected on her hair. She stirred the black liquid in the mug, watching the milk swirl with the coffee.

“Did you hear from Rose? She didn’t reply any of my messages, emails, didn’t answer my phone calls. What if she’s dead?”

Faye scoffed at Sahra’s assumption. Rose would be the last one to die amongst the four of them. 

“It’s been three years. Maybe she’s still mad. Or maybe she just doesn’t care. Perhaps she’s somewhere with no phone reception.”

Sahra rolled her eyes.

“You’re always protecting her.”

“I protect all of you. You guys owe me. Big time.”

That made Sahra smile. She picked Faye’s left hand up, pulling it across the table closer to her face.

“That’s a huge rock.”

“7 carats.”

“Wow, as big as his dick.”

“Shut up.”

Sahra giggled. Her smile was contagious. She had the whitest, most perfect teeth that complimented her dark, glowing skin. Faye instantly melted, how could she ever get mad at Sahra?

“Planned a date yet?”

Faye sighed.

When Edgar proposed to her a year ago, she was ecstatic. She has always wanted to get married. Even as a little girl, she’d don her mother’s wedding gown and play wedding for hours until she got exhausted. When she met Edgar, everyone knew that they were going to last forever. He was perfect. A lawyer, just like her. Awfully handsome. He spoke French, Portuguese, Urdu and was picking up Japanese. Although they had only known each other for six months before he asked her to marry him, she knew it was the right thing to do. She always knew she got lucky with Edgar. But now, after a year of being engaged to that nearly perfect man, Faye was starting to get doubtful. Edgar was still perfect and loving. It was her. She was changing. And she couldn’t seem to help it.

“Nothing yet. He’s in Washington now. We’ve just been so busy with our cases, and now with this Nessa thing. I don’t know.”

“Hey. Don’t worry. Nessa’s going to come out of this scot-free, and we’ll all be together again. Like old times.”

Faye shook her head in disagreement, her emerald green eyes trained on her coffee mug.

“It won’t be like the old times. Not without Rose.”

Chapter 3

Knoxville wasn’t always so grim. There was a point of time, not long ago, where the streets would be full of life. The trees would stand proudly along the sides of the road, sheltering the residents of the town, rain or shine. Cars would pass through the perfectly paved roads night and day, the town never slept. The children would run around, screaming and playing with absolutely no care and concern of the outside world. Knoxville used to be a perfect little town.

That was before the passing of Mayor Huang. He was one of those small, round men with a genuine heart and a hearty smile that could win anyone’s heart. He had a loud and boisterous laugh that would echo throughout the entire room during the town’s annual ball. When he died, the new mayor took over and everything everyone knew about Knoxville changed. Especially Mayor Huang’s beloved daughter, Rose Huang. She was the only child and was always spoilt rotten by her parents. In school, everyone adored her - some even feared her. She had the same air of authority her father had. She would always be the first one to know about her friends’ problems and they would go to her first for advice on anything. Her brave heart was the backbone of her clique.

When her father died, Rose’s entire life turned upside down. She was confused, mad and mostly, devastated. Confused because the death happened so sudden, no one saw it coming. Rose was mad at the universe for robbing her of someone she loved more than anything. Mad at her father for leaving her too soon. She was so young and barely had an understanding of the world. Devastation took over her life. She became quiet, sullen even. Her friends had to be careful while being around her. Her emotions became unpredictable.

Rose kept falling harder and harder until she was holding on to a fine, thin thread. Her friends never stopped trying to pull her back, but there was only so much they could do. They had their own issues too. Then one day, she met a boy while she was waitressing at a local bar. Bryce was unkempt, careless and rude. Everything Rose wasn’t. But like every other cliché movie, she fell for him. And he fell for her too. For a while, he kept her in a bubble, where the rest of the world was irrelevant. He kept her happy most of the time. And on nights where she would miss her father, he held her until she fell asleep. Then one day, the thread snapped. The saga of Bryce was just a faded memory. This time, Rose did not get confused, mad or devastated. She was just done. She packed her things and left Knoxville without another word.

So when Rose landed back in town that evening, she couldn’t decide what to do next.

It feels completely peculiar to be back. Everything seems so foreign.

Sahra’s always been adventurous and a little bit of a daredevil. She got her first job at the age of sixteen at the local supermarket. The first to get a job amongst her group of friends. She was the fastest check-out cashier her manager had ever seen. She was independent and always knew what she wanted. She left that job and went on to work in many different places around Knoxville while juggling with school. Until one day, she got her calling for an internship at a photography firm. That was that. Sahra became infatuated with the idea of capturing images and keeping them as memories forever. She worked night and day and finally purchased her first camera. Five years later, she was working in one of the most prestigious journalism firm as a photojournalist. People would put all their money on the table to get her to work with them. She got to travel everywhere and saw many things. She loved her job. Her sense of adventure and daredevil attitude paid off after all.

So exactly why was she holding a bat, creeping down the stairs at 11:45PM, scared out of her wits over a noise that she might have possibly imagined?

“Please let it be a cat… Or a tree branch.”

She held her hand out to the doorknob, the other hand gripped tightly onto the baseball bat. She took a deep breath and swung open the door.

Nessa swooped in and in one swift motion had her hand around Sahra’s neck, clasping her mouth shut tightly. The girl was small but goodness was she quick.

“If you scream, I’ll use that bat on you, I swear to god.”

She let Sahra go and was already unfastening her coat’s buttons.

“Why are you sneaking around like a thief?? I could have knocked you out! I could’ve committed a murder!”

Nessa rolled her eyes, her face was a mixture of exasperation and exhaustion.

“You won’t even hurt a fly.”

“What’re you doing here?”

“Faye told me to come in from the back door. And I could ask you the same question.”

Sahra furrowed her brows.

“Faye offered to let me stay with her.”

“That’s awfully generous of her.”

“Why’re you being so snippy?”

“I just spent the last 48 hours behind bars, so excuse me if I’m a little snippy.”

Faye came down the stairs, pulling her hair into a top knot. She was in a pink bathrobe, and had just removed all the make up for the day. She still looked effortlessly beautiful.

“What’s with all the bickering?”

“Ask her. She came down here with a bat.”

“Wh- I thought it was a burglar! I was trying to protect myself…!”

“Alright, alright. That’s enough. Sahra, go get the wine bottle from the kitchen.”

Sahra heaved a sigh of defeat and marched into the kitchen. The girls always listened to Faye. Queen Faye, they would tease her. Faye looked at Nessa, concern filled her eyes, the same way they have after all those years.

“Are you okay?”

Nessa nodded, managing a soft smile towards the blonde’s direction.

“Never better.”

“Good. Sit. Lets talk.”

Chapter 4

“Did you do it?”

“You’re really asking me this? Have you no faith in me?”

“I just have to ask.”

Faye held Nessa’s gaze for a few more seconds and finally gave in. She took a sip of her wine. Smooth. Just about the right amount of sweetness. The after taste lingered in her mouth moments after she’s swallowed the blood red liquid. She really needed that after the day she had. But she could hardly imagine what Nessa has been through in the last two days. She looked dishevelled. Which was so unlike her. She always seemed so put together.

After years of being around Nessa, Faye understood that she always wanted to seem like she was fine, no matter what was happening to her internally. She never wanted anyone to worry about her. She was the kind of person who would cry herself to sleep, wake up the next morning, conceal her puffy eyes with make-up and go about the day without giving a thought to her problems at hand. Faye always admired her strength.

To see one of her best friends so out of place, tired and vulnerable, she felt completely helpless. She had to get her out of that mess.

“I can’t believe Trevor’s dead. It seemed like it was just yesterday that we would past him down the hallway in school. He was so handsome.”

Sahra hiccuped.

God she’s such a light-weight, Nessa thought.

“How’s Ruby taking it?”

“Well, he wasn’t the greatest husband. They got married young, fell right out love. Splat. Heard she might be having an affair.”

Nessa said matter-of-factly and Faye shot her a look.

“WHAT? Our sweet Ruby? An affair? Wow, you leave for two years and you miss out on all of the town gossip.” 

Faye feigned a light chuckle. 

“No one told you to leave, silly. It’s been so quiet without you around. You and Rose.” 

“Right, Rose.” Said Sahra.

The girls went quiet, staring at their wine glasses. If their lives were a movie, that would be the part where a montage of flashbacks from their teenage years starts to screen, with probably a very sappy song.

“Do you think she’s forgiven me?”

Nessa looked at the girls, her face hopeful. Faye squeezed her hand assuredly.

“She’s your friend, she loves you. Of course she’s forgiven you.”

Nessa smiled, grateful.

“Stay over tonight. We’ll have a sleepover, like old times.”

It did not take much to convince Nessa. She might deny it if asked but she really loved being with the girls. She felt comfortable and safe with them. She feigned a sigh of exasperation.

“Finee, as long as you don’t call it a slum-”

“SLUMBER PARTY!”

Sahra cut her off by exclaiming before breaking into a fit of drunken giggles.

Rose collapsed on her motel bed and the mattress springs creaked underneath as if screaming to escape her weight. The motel was absolutely rubbish. She had to ask for new sheets after the witnessing a mysterious stain on the one before and the toilet was clogged when she first got in. It took her fifteen minutes to get someone on the line to assist her with her toilet problem.

She didn’t have a choice. She was quickly running out of cash and had to find the cheapest accommodation option. It was fine. Just for the night. Tomorrow, she would’ve mustered all her courage to go face the girls. They would have many questions and she had all the answers.

She also needed to see Nessa. She was studying her photo on the local newspaper. That girl never changed. Her bright blue eyes were so prominent it was like she was staring directly at Rose through the paper. Her skin was clear and her complexion glowed. Damn the Italian genes. Something did change though. It was in the headlines. Nessa was suspected to have been involved in the murder of Trevor Hoffman. Nessa was capable of many things but murder? Rose could not imagine that. Trevor was their friend. She couldn’t have.

But there was this small voice in her head that said that perhaps, just the tiniest bit of chance, the accusation might be true. After all, Nessa did betray her. Rose felt something bitter in her mouth. It felt disgusting. She shut her eyes, letting the scene play in her head.

She had just got back from school one afternoon and decided to take a different route which led to Bryce’s house. They barely got to see each other on afternoons as she spent her days in school and he spent his at work. She thought she’d drop by and cook them something before he got back from work. Her heart started to flutter at the thought of getting to see her boyfriend. When she was heading to the bathroom in his house, she noticed that his bedroom door was ajar and noises were coming out of it. Out of sheer curiosity, she pushed the door open and to her absolute horror, she found Bryce under the sheets with a girl.

Not just any girl. Nessa.

She felt her heart fell into her stomach and tasted something bitter in her mouth. She did not want to cry. Crying was the last thing on her agenda. But before she knew it, hot tears were gushing down her cheeks. Wasn’t that always the case? Everything became a blur and she could hear someone screaming profanities shrilly. It was her. She was screaming. And crying. And rushing down the stairs to get as far away from that god forsaken house as she possibly could. Trevor was running after her, trying to get her to stop and listen. She wanted to. She wanted to stop and look at him and allow him to explain that what she just witnessed was not what it seemed. That the girl on his bed was not one of her best friends. However, she kept walking. Faster and faster. Until she could see the outline of her house from a distance. She was never leaving her room ever again.

Chapter 5

It felt really good. That was exactly what she needed. The smell of shampoo invaded Faye’s nostrils. Peppermint and something spicy. Cinnamon. It drove her nuts. She pressed her lips on the supple skin of the person she was hugging. She has been going back and forth to the courthouse in the last few days. She really needed this. She opened her eyes groggily, the sheets were wrapped around them so tightly, she couldn’t physically get anymore closer to her partner.

Fuck. No. No, this is wrong.

Every single time she did it, she goes through the entire process of pleasure followed by guilt and ends off with self-hate. She loathed herself for that but she kept going back. Why does she keep going back? She studied the brunette woman fast asleep beside her. Even in her sleep she was breath-taking. Her hair spilled over her shoulder all the way down to her breasts, her lips were full and pouty. She snored ever so softly, she was still dreaming. Perhaps dreaming of an alternate universe where Faye and her could be together, Faye thought foolishly.

Faye always knew there was something different about her. Growing up, in high school, when the girls in the locker room went on and on about the boys in the football team, she would find herself checking those girls out. And when she kissed a girl on a dare at a senior party one night, she went home to pray for the first time in years. She thought she was going crazy, she could never imagine being gay. Not even for a second. It took all her will and might to suppress her feelings and bottle it in the deepest pit in her guts. She vowed she would never think or speak about it. Then she met Edgar, and he was really nice. But when she slept with him, or even kissed him, she didn’t feel anything. She couldn’t feel anything. She tried, she really did.

Three months after the engagement, she had a nervous breakdown. She was trying to find her car in the parking lot, she searched everywhere. All the cars started to look the same. She teared up, tried to scream but no sound left her mouth. A woman walked up to her. Asked her if she was okay. She took Faye back to her place and that was the first time she felt something in bed. Every time she told herself that it was going to be the last time she saw that woman, it never was. She was addicted to her. Addicted to her touch, scent and the way she made her feel.

The woman in Faye’s arms moved a little. She turned to look at her, smiling sleepily.

“Morning, gorgeous.”

Faye felt a tingling sensation below her waist. Edgar never called her gorgeous.

“Morning, you.”

She kissed her, full on the mouth. That was how she wanted to wake up for the rest of her life. With sweet, sweet Ruby right next to her.

Chapter 6

SIX YEARS AGO

“Nessa..! Wait up.”

Nessa turned to see Trevor catching up with her. She looked at her watch, 03:30PM, she had to leave to go help her aunt and uncle at the shop.

“Walk and talk, Trev, I don’t have time.”

“Uhh, okay. Wanna partner up for the Chemistry project?”

“You wanna partner up with me?”

She narrowed her eyes at him skeptically.

“Yeah, unless you already have someone else.”

Nessa stopped in her tracks and studied the dark auburn haired boy. He had a nice chiseled jaw, Nessa bet her life it could cut glass. His hair ran down the nape of his neck and rested on his shoulder nicely. Now, if it was any other guy, Nessa would have wanted to grab the nearest pair of scissors she could find and chop all of it off. But his hair complimented his face really well so she made an exception. And his dimples. Goodness his dimples. They were like craters on the moon. They dug deep into his cheeks, he could probably store things in them.

“What game are you playing, Hoffman?”

He chuckled lightly, flashing his goddamned dimples.

“No game. I promise. We’ll help each other out. It’ll be fun, I promise.”

“Ugh, fine. I really have to go.”

Nessa took off without another word. It wasn’t until a few weeks later, halfway done with their project that she found out that Trevor did have an ulterior motive of partnering up with her. It was to probe her about her lab partner Ruby Weston. He apparently had been watching Ruby for quite a while. What motivated him was she would sometimes catch him looking at her and she would smile back.

Nessa decided to take the fate of their love story upon her. She practically stuck the cupid’s arrow up their asses and made sure they were an item before they graduated. Just a few months later, a rumour started to spread like wildfire. Ruby was pregnant with Trevor’s kid. Except it wasn’t much of a rumour as it was the truth. He was ecstatic when she told him. He always dreamt of being a father. Ruby on the other hand, quite the contrary. 

PRESENT DAY

Sahra never understood how people could bear to make speeches about their loved one who was already dead. She couldn’t imagine ever doing it. That was probably because she never had someone close to her die before. Well, apart from Trevor Hoffman. They practically grew up together. That was perhaps why she was sitting in the first few rows in the funeral home as his lifeless body laid in the open casket before them.

She was asked to make a small eulogy for Trevor. She wrote it all down only the night before. Crumpling paper after paper because she felt they weren’t good enough. She fiddled with the paper in her hands as she watched Trevor’s wife walk up to the podium. She was petite and the devastation plastered on her face only made her look even more frail and tiny. It was painful to look at her. Poor girl.

“Trevor was the love of my life. He was kind, gentle and loving. He could never make anyone unhappy. Well, until now. He finally managed to upset everyone sitting here by leaving this world too soon.”

Ruby had to swallow the lump in her throat, she grabbed the glass of water with her trembling hand, chugging down the drink as if it was the only thing that could keep her alive. She cleared her throat when she was done.

“Trevor would have wanted-”

Everyone had their heads turned towards the door at that moment. The girls had to pick their jaws up from the chapel ground. Rose Huang. She was there. Standing by the doorway. She managed the smallest apologetic smile to the crowd and hastily found an empty seat at the back. The girls were still astounded. The rest of Ruby’s eulogy went on as blur as the girls tried to comprehend Rose’s sudden presence in their lives again. Trevor was least closest to Rose yet she still came to his funeral. What was she really in Knoxville for? Did she hear about Nessa’s trouble with the police? All the questions went through the girls’ heads as they impatiently waited for the funeral procedure to end.

An hour later, it was Faye who noticed Rose outside the chapel, chatting away with some familiar faces. She grabbed onto the girls and dragged them towards her before losing sight of her again.

“Rose.”

Faye called out.

Rose slipped out of the conversation politely to face the girls.

“Hey.”

“Hey? That’s all you got? Hey??”

Sahra shook her head, ridiculed.

“Rose Christie Huang, you left without so much of a word, god knows where you went, we all thought you were dead and you say HEY??”

“Fine. Hello. How are you girls?”

Faye pulled Rose in for a hug before Sahra could start yelling at her again.

“We missed you, Rose.”

Rose resisted just a bit before finally giving in and hugged Faye back. She missed them too. So much. But she was there for bigger reasons. Sahra sighed in defeat and squeezed Rose’s arm, smiling softly at her.

“Glad that you’re back.”

“Yeah, I got back a few days ago.”

“A few days? And it took you this long to come see us?”

“Yeah, I needed time to adjust being back.”

“Right, where are you staying?”

Faye looked at her, concerned.

“In a motel nearby.”

“Nonsense, I’ll drive you back, we’ll get your things. You’ll come live with me.”

Rose predicted Faye would say something like that. She nodded half-heartedly. Her eyes averted towards Nessa.

“What in the world are you wearing?”

Nessa shrugged.

“It’s a black dress.”

“So you just wear the same things you wear to the club, to a funeral? Good to know.”

The raven-haired girl stared at Rose intently, then she smiled.

“I am going to go have a smoke, scuse’ me, ladies.”

Nessa took to her heels and walked farther away from the girls.

Chapter 7

Trevor and Ruby had a little victorian house at the end of Lavender Street. On normal days, the area would be quaint, almost lifeless. Not many people lived in that part of town other than the few young parents who were low income earners, still trying to figure life out. That day, Ruby opened her house to close friends and relatives, she pulled out the good china and put fresh white flowers in a fancy vase to put on the coffee table. It was as if she was commemorating Trevor’s life when he was living and breathing instead of mourning the loss of it.

“Ruby.”

“Faye, stop. Not now, not here.” Ruby was arranging the flowers in vase, trying to make absolutely no eye contact with the blonde girl.

Faye furrowed her brows in a mixture of frustration and confusion.

“What? I just want to talk. Rube, look at me.”

“People are going to notice us.”

“People has literally zero clue what’s going on, they’re all mourning for your stupid hus-”

Faye pressed her hand on her hot, flushing cheek. Ruby had interrupted her with a slap across her face and was now staring at her angrily. Faye stared at her in disbelief.

“Have some respect, he’s my husband.” Ruby left her standing, dumbfounded.

“What the fuck was that?” It was Nessa, she had just witness the bizarre situation.

“She can’t just behave that way, I know her husband just died and all but she doesn’t get to be a bitch, I’m going to go fight her.” She tried rushing after Ruby only to be pulled back by Faye. The blonde was a head taller than her, and stronger. She could’ve certainly fought Ruby on her own if she wanted to.

“Forget it. It was my fault, I said some dumb things.”

“Well, it must have been something, she looks pissed.”

Faye sighed and in that moment she promised that she was going to end things with Ruby.

Sahra was leaning over the snack table, nit-picking at the different types of snack, that was her go-to activity at social gatherings, sometimes she even made it into a game; how many snacks could she try until she got sick.

“What’re you doing?” A man who had appeared at the snack table questioned her.

She shrugged matter-of-factly. “Never seen a grown girl eat?”

“I’ve never seen anyone in particular who picks on their food like that. That caviar is for garnish, it’s not an actual snack.”

Sahra observed the man standing in front of her. He was not much older than she was. His skin was pale white with a underlying tinge of yellow. His hair was neatly cut that stayed on the top of his head, like soldiers at war she witnessed back in Iraq. His cheek bones pointed proudly towards the air and he had the darkest pair of eyes that gave him a naturally angry look. He was undeniably handsome. And a douchebag.

In sheer rebellion, Sahra grabbed a plate and scooped the rest of the caviar garnish onto her plate. This time, his frowned shifted into an amused smile. Oh wow, he’s really pretty.

It was her turn to frown. “What’re you smiling at? Do I look like a joke to you?”

He started to chuckle.

“That’s it, I don’t have to take this from you.” Sahra turned to leave.

“Okay, I’m sorry. It’s just your rebellious demeanour is the funniest thing I’ve seen today.”

“Oh. Well, get used to it, chump.” She looked at him, her arms crossed. Her insides was fluttering. The setting sunlight was resting on his face, she realised his eyes had lightened up a little; the darkest shade of brown.

“Officer Reynolds, didn’t realise you knew Trevor.” Faye leaned against the table next to Sahra.

“Not personally. And I’m actually here on duty, not as a guest.”

It was Nessa’s turn to intervene. “In other words, you’re here to keep an eye on me.”

Sahra watched the man’s reaction. She felt a pang of betrayal. He didn’t actually flirt with her or anything, but he should have mentioned something about being a cop on the case, she would not have even bothered talking to him.

“If you’re trying to get information out of our innocent friend here, Officer, you’re out of luck. She’s on our side.” Faye said calmly, smiling knowingly at Sahra.

The man wasn’t shaken by Faye. Which was unusual. Faye always had an air of superiority; some people wouldn’t even look at her in the eyes when speaking. He wasn’t afraid of her.

“You’re not the only one I’m keeping my eyes on, Russo. Everyone in this room is a suspect.”

Sahra could swore he glanced at her whilst saying that. She was done, she wanted out of the conversation. As if by god’s grace, Rose beckoned her to the other side of the room and she took off too quickly without looking at the handsome man - even though she really wanted to.

“They found new evidences on the crime scene. Looks like I’ll be seeing the both of you down at the station sooner than I thought.”

“Nice try, Park, but whatever you say is never going to get to us. My client is innocent and the sooner you realise that, the better.” Faye retorted.

“And the sooner you realise your delinquent friend is the culprit, the better.” He nodded at the ladies and walked off.

Nessa’s angry gaze followed the young officer. The fucking nerve of that guy. After a few moments, she shook it off and a sense of gratitude for Faye swelled in her heart. If anyone was going to get her out of trouble, she was glad it was her. Faye never loses.

Chapter 8

FIVE YEARS AGO

“How could you do this to me?? What have I ever done to you??” Rose was hysterical.

Nessa had gone to visit her after the incident even though the other girls warned her not to; to let her calm down first. But Nessa being Nessa, wouldn’t listen to anyone so she somehow managed to persuade Faye to join her and they set off to her house with great caution.

Rose was holding onto Nessa’s t-shirt, glaring at her, screaming in her face. She was crying again. She always cried when she got angry and she absolutely hated that. Nessa didn’t try to resist, she knew she deserved it. She was just waiting for her to settle so she could explain herself.

“Rose, I’m sorry. But we were in love.” She explained.

“We didn’t mean for it to happen but it did! We were going to tell you. I swear we were going to tell you on that day itself.” She continued.

“How long has it been going on for?” Rose questioned her although she really didn’t want to know the answer.

“We’ve been talking for 3 months. We only… We only slept together that one time, I promise.”

“Is that suppose to make me feel better?”

“Of course not, Rose. Look, you deserve every right to be mad. But I swear to you, we had no intention of hurting you.”

Rose swung her arm and was about to struck Nessa’s face with her hand when Faye caught it just in time.

“That’s enough.” 

She told Nessa she was going to sit out of it and let the two girls talk but she wasn’t going to let any one of her friend slap the other.

“You heard her Rose. She fucked up. No one expects you to forgive her but dammit, violence isn’t gonna solve anything.”

“You’re on her side?” Rose stared at the blonde girl in disbelief.

“I’m on nobody’s side. I just don’t want to see my friends fight.”

“Oh cut that out, Faye. You’re constantly fighting her battles. Mark my words, one day she’s going to drag you into the deepest pits of hell and you’re going to regret it.” She warned her.

PRESENT DAY

Nessa was spending the afternoon in Faye’s kitchen. Faye had a whole cabinet that stored various bottles of alcohol; it was a haven for Nessa. In return of using her alcohol collection, Nessa would let her try whatever she created first for reviews. She always enjoyed them. Then again, she could just be biased. She was so busy concocting a new cocktail recipe for her bar that she didn’t hear Rose coming in.

“Hey.” Rose greeted coldly.

“Sup.”

“What’s that?” She gestured at the mess on the kitchen isle.

“Something for the bar.”

“Right, the bar. It’s been what, two years now?”

“Yeap.”

“And business is doing well?”

“Splendidly.”

“Great.” Rose turned to head upstairs.

“Rose, wait.” Nessa called out hurriedly.

Rose turned to look at her. She hasn’t changed much, Rose. Her beautiful sandy complexion was as smooth and ageless as Nessa could remember.  She was curvy, her hips stuck out too much, they looked like they could destroy things that came in contact with them. Rose absolutely loved that about herself. Her hair changed. She had long jaded black hair but it was covered with full-fledge purple hair dye. It suited her. She looked ethereal.

“Are we good?” Nessa asked uncertainly.

“Depends on what you mean. Good because I’m over you cheating with my boyfriend behind my back or good because I don’t think you’re a murderer?”

“Well, both.”

Rose thought about it for a good few seconds. Then she grabbed Nessa square on her shoulder and threw a punch right into her guts. She was a black belt in taekwondo so that must have hurt. Nessa was too. That was actually how they met.

Nessa was caught off guard and winced on the ground. She glared at Rose, got up and lunged herself at the other girl. They began to wrestle each other on Faye’s kitchen floor only to break it up minutes later with fits of hysterical laughter as they lie on the ground side by side.

“Yeah, we’re good.” Rose assured the smaller girl after calming down.

“What happened to Bryce anyways?” She asked. 

Nessa stared up at the ceiling, she didn’t look sad or mad. It was a listless, unreadable expression. Something that was always visible on her face.

“He left me for some other girl. Ran off to California together to try out acting or something.”

“Yikes. You deserved that.” Rose looked at her.

Nessa averted her eyes at her, she wasn’t offended by Rose’s remarks. She knew she deserved it. Bryce cheated on Rose with her, who was to say he wouldn’t do it again.

“But I don’t believe you killed Trevor. I’m on your side. Faye, Sahra and I are going to help you get out of this. If that’s the last thing we do.”

In that moment, the two girls sat up and stared at each other as they heard a voice coming from the living room. Faye wouldn’t be back from the firm till late and Sahra had an important meeting with some TV producers that afternoon. The girls got up and quietly made their way into the other room.

Chapter 9

Rose and Nessa were practically on their toes, careful not to make any noise as they snuck into the living room. They spotted a figure at the door and stared at each other. They were ready to pounce on the intruder when the figure turned and they recognised him.

“Clive?”

The man turned to look at the girls, blinked for a moment, trying to recognise their faces.

“Ohmygod, Nessa? Rose?”

Rose ran into his arms for a hug.  

“What’re you doing here??” Rose asked excitedly.

“I heard my sister’s back in town. So I thought I come down and visit. And then I saw the paper…” He looked at Nessa.

“Hi.” She greeted him.

He smiled his boyish smile. “Hey. How are you?”

“Didn’t you see it in the papers? I’m doing great.” She informed him.

“Oh, don’t bother her, she’s just grumpy cause I tackled her and won.” Rose argued.

Clive chuckled, his eyes still fixed on Nessa.

“The last time I saw you two, you were still kinda chubby and you had black hair.”

Nessa shrugged. “Yeah well, people change.”

Faye walked down the hallway as fast as she could. She was panting. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead. She hated how getting a little physical made her sweat gallons; she hated to sweat.

But she couldn’t help it. Her paranoia was getting the best of her. She turned to see if someone was there. Not a soul. She was sure she heard footsteps. Maybe it was her anxiety playing tricks on her. But back in the bathroom, she swore she felt someone watching her. She couldn’t leave the courtroom, her next hearing was at 04:00PM. She had to find somewhere to hide for a bit, to calm the nerves; maybe pop a pill or two.

The blonde rushed into the supply closet few feet away from her and shut the door tightly behind her.

Okay, calm down, you’re fine, stop fussing.

The next moment, she felt a force over her mouth and she was gasping for air, trying to break free from the tight grasp. She tried screaming but the force was stronger than her. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that maybe she might wake up from the awful nightmare but instead she felt a hard impact on the back of her head and she was out. Blank.

“How long are you gonna be here for, Clive?” Sahra asked her brother before she popped another forkful of lettuce in her mouth.

“Maybe until you leave again.”

“That’s gonna take a while. I have to at least make sure this one over here doesn’t have to rot in jail for the rest of eternity.” She gestured at Nessa who was playing with her food.

It was 08:30PM and Faye wasn’t picking up any of their calls. The rest of the girls were convinced that she might still be stuck at work except Nessa. This was unusual for Faye. She always had her phone in case one of her friends or Edgar was trying to reach her.

“Ness, eat. Faye’s finee, she’s a big girl, she can certainly take care of herself.” Rose assured the smaller girl.

“I think I’m done. I’ll do the dishes.” Nessa hated doing the dishes but she needed a distraction.

“I’ll help.” Clive volunteered. He got up and joined Nessa in the kitchen.

“Are you alright?” He trained his eyes at her, concerned and a little caution hinted in his baby blues. Sahra was always jealous that her twin got the better features compared to her. He got their mother’s eyes. And her beautiful soft hair too. Sahra got her dad’s big poofy hair that she used to hate and had only begun to appreciate when she was older. The both of them got their mother’s butt, she needn’t complain about that. 

“I’m fine.”

“You’ve always been a bad liar.”

“God, Clive, I’m fine. What do you want me to say? That I’m falling apart? Should I cry on your shoulder?”

He furrowed his brows. “How’d you got into this mess anyways?”

Nessa clenched her jaw. There was something about Clive that always made her tick.

“Why do you care? You left to go live your dreams, didn’t you? You have better things to worry about.”

“You’re so bitter.”

She turned to stare at him. “Bitter? Don’t flatter yourself, honey.”

He smiled, way too amused for his own good.

“It’s not flattering when it’s the truth. In fact I think you’re jealous of me.”

Nessa was furious now but she tried not to show it. She let out a scoff.

“Jealous of what? You? You’re so full of yourself, Jackson.”

“Am I, Russo?” He was inching in closer towards the tanned girl. Nessa backed away until she was pressed against the kitchen counter, looking up at the man who was much, much taller than her.

“You left.” She spat the words at him.

“You didn’t ask me to stay.”

“God, do I have to tell you to do everything?”

“No. But I felt like I didn’t have a reason to stay.”

“You’re an idiot.” “Then why do you like me so much?”

“I don’t.”

“Fine. You don’t.”

He was about to move away when Nessa grabbed his arm and kissed him hard. He didn’t hesitate for a second and kissed her back, wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her closer. After what felt like hours, she pulled away, staring at him, gasping for air.

“I don’t.” She crashed her lips on his again.

Chapter 10

“Still no calls from her. I don’t get it. It’s freaking midnight. She should be home by now.” Nessa exclaimed, trying Faye’s phone for the umpteenth time.

“Yeah, I’m worried. We should call the cops.” Sahra suggested.

“And say what? Our 23-year-old friend isn’t picking her phone up? Guys, come on.” Rose was the next rational one after Faye.

“But we should try looking for her. Where are some places she could possibly be? We’ll split up. Me and Nessa, Sahra you go with Clive.” Rose instructed.

“I’ll come with you, Rose. Nessa should go with Clive. We should all have our share of black belts.” Sahra reasoned even though that wasn’t entirely her motive. She saw Nessa and Clive in the kitchen earlier. Sucking each other’s face off. At first she was horrified, but she always read little hints of her twin’s and her best friend’s secret affair. Just because they didn’t say anything, it didn’t mean it didn’t exist.

Clive nodded at Sahra, if she didn’t know better, he was quietly thanking her.

“Lets go then.” Rose got up and grabbed her car keys.

The sun had risen, the night had turn to day. Sahra was sound asleep on the armchair and the two other girls were on the other couch fast asleep, heads resting on one another. Clive came downstairs and looked at them. They had no luck trying to find Faye the night before. They looked everywhere they possibly could until an hour before the sun rose. They eventually went back to Faye’s, crashing on the couch out of exhaustion. Clive had gone into the kitchen to make some coffee when he heard a key being inserted into the keyhole at the front door.

This jolted Sahra into consciousness. She was always a light sleeper. She rubbed her eyes and stared at the opening door. It was Faye. Her hair was tousled, her clothes a little crinkled but other than that, she was fine, unscathed.

“Faye!” Sahra exclaimed, rushing towards her. “What the hell?? Where have you been?! We’ve been looking everywhere for you the entire night!”

Sahra’s yelling woke the girls up and now everyone was staring at the dishevelled blonde woman at the door.

“I was- Clive? When did you get here?”

“Just yesterday.” Clive replied.

“Don’t try and change the subject, Faye! What happened to you?”

Faye sighed, tossing her keys into a bowl sat on the table next to the door, out of forced habit. “I had to leave town to go see Micael.”

“What? Is he okay?” Sahra’s anger vanished instantly, replaced with concern for Faye’s brother.

“He’s fine. The care worker called, told me that he missed me. I went to go see him. It was on a whim, I didn’t have much time to tell you guys.” Her eyes avoiding the girls’. 

“Don’t even worry about it, Faye. We’re just glad you’re fine.” Nessa assured her, her eyes fixed on her, watching every bit of expression on Faye’s face.

“There, problem solved. Anyone want some coffee?” Clive asked the room.

“I am going to take a nap, no one take any calls.” Faye called out as she climbed the stairs. She could not tell the girls the truth, not yet at least.

The doorbell went off just then and Nessa attended to it. Faye stopped in her tracks, midway up the stairs to turn and see who was at her front door. The rest of the girls and Clive poked their heads over Nessa’s. For a split second, Nessa’s heart fell when she saw the two uniformed cops standing in front of her. Then, she regained her composure, throwing them a loathsome look.

“What? Here to take me downtown for another questioning? How’d you even know that I would be here? Are y'all stalking me?” She asked in the most spiteful way she could manage.

“Actually, not this time Russo. We’re here for your friend.” Officer Regent answered, gesturing at the people behind Nessa.

Everyone turned to look at Faye who was standing completely still on the stairs.

“Sahra Jackson, you’ll have to come down to the station with us. We have evidence that you are involved in the murder of Trevor Hoffman. We have a warrant.”

Everyone averted their stares from Faye to Sahra. They could not believe what they had just heard. But no one said or did anything as Officer Regent made her way towards the girl and cuffed her hands with the silver bracelets. Even Sahra didn’t put up a fight as the officers led her out of the house and tucked her into the back of their police car. The neighbours were all coming out of their houses to witness the spectacle. Sahra looked at the girls through the car window as the cops drove off. They watched her go, their faces paralyzed with bewilderment.

Chapter 11

The story of Faye Newman was always one that was the hardest to tell.

She was fourteen, going on fifteen. An adolescent, still figuring out how her body and mind worked. Her hips grew outwards two sizes and her waist went in one. She prioritised her looks as much she did her studies. Although being a straight A student, she was still learning what certain things meant. Namely, love. She concluded that the thing she loved most in the whole world was her family. Her mother, father and little brother Micael. Her parents were renowned lawyers. They were great individually but even greater as a team.

As for Micael, he was three years younger than Faye. He was as clever as her. They could sit and talk for hours. Everyone who met them confidently predicted that they were going to do great things in the future, they were going to take over the world. Then one night, tragedy fell upon the Newmans.

They were coming home from dinner in new york, all four of them, when two deafening noises erupted and polluted the cold air. Micael screamed, witnessing blood pooled on his parents’ clothed chests. Their mother was killed instantly when the bullet shot through her. His father choked on his last few breaths before he lay motionless on the icy ground. Faye’s feet were nailed to the ground as she looked at her parents’ bodies. They were unconscious, unmoving but their beings were inconsequential to the world that went on around them. She couldn’t scream or even cry. She just stared at them for what felt like years. A passer-by called an ambulance and waited with the both of them until their parents were taken away.

The week after, they were back in Knoxville. Both of them underwent severe PTSD and no one could get through to them. Not even their aunt who was the closest next of kin they had. They were taken to therapists for treatments. With a heavy heart and much reluctance, Faye started to get better. She saw a gleam of light at the end of the tunnel, a hope that she would be able to feel better. She suffered from a few nervous breakdowns once in a while and had to be on medication for a really long time before the doctors deemed her fit to get off it. Whilst going through all of that, she found her drive to finish what her parents started. She studied law religiously, topping her class every bit of the way. She became indispensable in the world of law.

Her brother on the other hand, could not find a way out of his agony. He was extremely inconsolable, his parents death replaying five to five hundred times in his head on a daily basis. He took a wrong turn and an array of drugs and the countless of debts that came with it. He did everything he possibly could to numb the pain and stop the nightmares from getting in. Faye tried everything to pull her brother back but he was resistant, he didn’t want to be saved.

It wasn’t until six months ago that he was lying on the ground, mouth foaming as his life flashed before his eyes and he accepted the fate that he was about to die. His friends had ditched him in an abandoned apartment and he was left to take his last few breaths by himself. If it wasn’t for Faye who came in the last few minutes with the paramedics, he would’ve suffered the same fate his parents had but his would have been intentional. A long needle was plunged into his chest and Faye didn’t stop crying as she watched her little brother being brought back to life, fighting for air to return into his lungs. She wanted to hate him and hurt him but she held onto him for dear life instead.

He didn’t try to gamble with his life after that, he was sent to rehab but Faye accepted that her clever, quick-witted brother would never return to his old self. The drugs and PTSD fried his brain to the extent where the damage was done. She would visit him whenever she could or whenever he called for her. And every single time she did, it broke her heart.

That day when she had to use her brother as an excuse to cover the truth from the girls, it made her feel dirty. Would she ever find a way to forgive herself?

The story of Faye Newman was the hardest to tell and she kept it with her, every step of the way.

Chapter 12

“Your DNA was found at the crime scene.”

The girl had curls falling over her face, her fro had lost its volume as if giving in to the guilt she was feeling inside. She trained her eyes at the metal table in front of her, daren’t to look up at the officer in front of her. It was him, the man from Trevor’s funeral reception. Officer Randall? Reynolds? What was it?

Sahra pictured the ground under her chair splitting into half, swallowing her whole into the Earth’s core, far away from this situation.

“Did you visit Trevor Hoffman the day he died?” He asked gently but there was a hint of something else in his voice. It was firm, a tinge of authority.

She stayed quiet, almost motionless. She would call her lawyer but what was the point? She was at Trevor’s the day he was murdered. It was only the matter of time until the cops found out. The officer sighed exasperatedly, looking towards the see-through mirror on the left of the interrogation room before staring at her again. He knew there was no one behind the mirror, but he had to make sure, it was a force of habit.

“Look, if you don’t speak up, I can’t help you.” He said in hushed tones. “Help me help you. Were you at Trevor’s that day?” His was voice was mellow, eyes kinder than she’s ever seen them. She realised they were a dark shade of brown and not black like she had noticed the first time.

“Yes.” She forced out the answer. He nodded understandably.

“I swear I didn’t kill him. I could have, I wanted to but I didn’t. I knew what it would’ve costed me. I’m not stupid.” Her eyebrows furrowed in anger and despair. Why the hell was she telling that man anything, he could use all that against her, she could end up in really hot soup. She never needed anyone’s validity, especially not a man’s. But for some reason she felt like he believed her. Like he could help her out of that mess.

“Where were you?”

“Nessa..”

“Where were you?” Nessa asked the blonde again, firmly.

“Our friend is being interrogated by cops right now, don’t you dare lie to me, Newman.” She warned Faye.

“He took me. It was a warning to keep quiet. He’s trying to scare me so that I would back out from the case and you’d be charged for it.”

 Nessa stared at her taller friend with a mixture of bafflement and terror painted on her face.

 “We have to do something.”

 “Agreed. And perhaps it’s time we tell Rose about this.”

 “She’s going to flip.”

“We can’t keep her in the dark anymore. Come on.” Faye beckoned the other girl. 

They made their way down to the living room and were greeted by Rose chuckling at something a man, who was sitting opposite her, said.

 “Guys, look who it is. You remember Jay.” Rose grinned.

Jay looked at the girls and smiled a charming smile. Nessa’s heart pounded rapidly in her chest, she believed it was going to break her ribs. Faye had lost all the color in her face. They stared at the intruder, terrified.

Sahra sighed a heave of relief when she saw her brother. She made it clear on the phone, when Officer Reynolds gave her the right to a phone call, that she didn’t want any of the girls at the station. It was like a game of musical chair of who was going to end up in jail next. She requested for Clive to come bail her out. He was her safest bet. He always knew never to ask questions unless it’s extremely necessary and Sahra admired that about him. It would literally kill her to not be able to know things about anything, she couldn’t help it, she was nosy being. Perhaps that was why she got caught in all that trouble. 

“Get in the car, you are going to explain everything.” Clive commanded. 

Oh, now he decides to embrace the nosy genes. 

“I didn’t kill him, you need to know that.” Sahra watched her brother as he drove tensely. 

She has never seen him so rigid. Where Sahra was boisterous and all exclamation points, Clive was calm and all semi colons. He has only ever been truly angry twice in his life. First, was when he found out their mother accidentally threw out his beloved collective baseball cards when he was nine. Second, was when he and Sahra was told that their parents were getting a divorce. His jaw twitched visibly. This would be the third time he was angry.

“Then why did the cops put you in jail, Sahra? Why did I just bail you out? How long have you been in Knoxville? All this time I thought you were in New York. On the phone, you told me you were in New York, you lied!”

He jammed the brake with his foot and the car threw forward dramatically before coming to a stop. He looked at his sister, his eyes filled with more hurt than anger. 

Sahra was outraged at her brother’s behaviour, mostly because she has never have to deal with him like that. 

“You’re no saint either. Sucking Nessa’s face off. Really pathetic.” She retorted before she could stop herself. 

The hurt in his eyes disappeared completely and was fully replaced with anger.

“Get out.”

“What did you just say?”

“I said get out.” 

“How am I gonna get home?” Sahra was at her wit’s end. 

“You can walk.” So was Clive. 

Sahra exited the car and slammed the door with all the ferocity she could conjure. Clive drove off immediately. That was the first time they have ever fought. 

Chapter 13 

Sahra and Clive agreed on three things when they learnt their parents were getting divorced. 

First: They would agree to share equal amount of time at both their mother’s and father’s place. Although they were initially hurt by the decisions of their parents’, they came to terms with it. They realised that they were going to have two bedrooms, two TVs, two of everything and their naive teenage brains gave in and made space for the extra incentives. It was only until they got older that they realised that divorce, although had it perks, would produce children who were more cautious of who they would surround themselves with. They began to overanalyse everyone they have ever dated and was extremely careful not to get hurt in a relationship. Alas, they had their parents’ curse of falling too hard and too fast which did not help their case at all. 

Their parents on the other hand had already moved on with their lives. Their father would go on one too many unsuccessful dates and was a victim of afternoon rum and Spanish soap operas. Their mother had found a decent man she was so fond of that she bore twins with him and was living a fulfilled life. It became harder for the siblings to spend time with their parents and their new lifestyle but they had a principle to stick to and would make every effort to meet up with their parents once in a while. 

Second: Help first, questions later. It took Sahra a little more convincing than necessary to agree to this one because of her intrusive, need-to-know-everything nature but she agreed to it in the end. It wasn’t hard for Clive because he normally minded his own business and was always willing to help with no expectations of anything in return. Sahra had managed to get away from many sticky situations with Clive’s help and almost all the time, he never asked her anything about it, which she really appreciated. And even though it almost killed her every single time, she’d do the same for Clive when he needed help. They were each other’s lifeboat. 

Third: They would never keep anything from each other. It was them against the rest of the world. When Sahra got the opportunity to carry on her photography work in New York, Clive was the first one she told. They have never been separated before - even agreeing to visit each of their parents’ house together - and it was news for Clive. He didn’t know how he would deal with things with his sister being away. Especially at that point when he discovered he had the biggest crush on one of Sahra’s best friend, Nessa. 

They were merely fooling around then but Clive was starting to catch feelings, he thought they were going to suffocate him. He hasn’t told Sahra yet and did not know how to. It wasn’t until he found out that Nessa was getting serious with this other guy she was fooling around with. Bryce Britman. He didn’t know the guy but he decided there and then that he was his biggest nemesis. It broke his heart and he confided in Sahra before she left. Instead of getting mad or weirded out, she sympathised with him. She asked him to come with her to New York, but he had other plans in mind. He left Knoxville not long after Sahra did under the pretence that he was going to chase his dreams but it was actually because he couldn’t face Nessa after that. 

Perhaps Sahra was getting at something when she called her brother pathetic. Clive did feel pretty pathetic because as soon as he saw Nessa again, all the hurt and anger was gone. He wanted her. Even after all this time, the feelings did not budge. So when she kissed him that night, he easily let his guard down, not even worrying about the consequences that came after. He knew what they were now. His sister was bothered by the entire thing. Although she had explaining to do, he did her wrong. Nessa was always her friend first. A pang of anguish washed over him as he realised what he had done. He needed to fix things with his sister and learn the entire truth of what went on the night Trevor Hoffman died.