#the dysphoria hoodie TM

[audhd-nightwing]

modern trans steddie au where eddie is stealth among the Party, only wayne and corroded coffin know he’s trans. also there’s no upside down & they’re both in high school (16/17)

so one day he’s at steve’s (just the two of them, which has been happening more often lately much to eddie’s surprise and delight) and his ribs start to ache and it gets hard to breathe and shit he’s been binding for too long.

eddie attempts to leave, just wants to go home and take a binding break and wear his dysphoria hoodie for the rest of the day, but steve has already noticed that he’s in pain and no way in hell is steve letting eddie drive when all he can do is clutch at his sides and wheeze.

eddie figures shit, this is it i guess when steve asks what’s wrong. his brow is wrinkled in concern and he’s biting at his nail, trying find any visible injuries on eddie and eddie can’t take it anymore so he just blurts out “my ribs hurt.”

steve pauses, searching his face for something before nodding and sitting on the couch next to him.

“any, uh. particular reason for that?” steve asks hesitantly, messing with the hem of his shirt now.

eddie closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths, mentally preparing to either lose one of his best friends or explain a lot of stuff. he doesn’t have the courage to open his eyes just yet so he says, through clenched teeth, “i’ve been binding for too long.”

what eddie doesn’t expect is the silence, and he opens an eye to see steve blinking at him, mouth hung open in shock. eddie sighs, getting ready to explain what binding is and why he does it when steve lets out a somewhat strangled laugh before slapping a hand over his mouth.

eddie doesn’t know if he should be offended or not but then steve shakes his head and asks “how long?”

eddie blinks at him. how long…?

steve clarifies, “how long have you worn your binder today?”

eddie, confused beyond belief, simply tells him “ten hours,” and watches as steve’s face scrunches with worry.

“okay,” steve says, getting up and pulling eddie with him, “you’re changing.”

eddie can’t do anything but follow steve to his room and watch as he digs through his closet before holding up a big hoodie triumphantly. steve walks over, dumps the hoodie in eddie’s arms and says “no more binding today,” before leaving and closing the door behind him.

eddie decides he might as well listen to steve and changes, thankful he wore sweats instead of his usual skinny jeans. the hoodie is big, and a deep navy blue with ‘Hawkins Swim Team’ printed on the front. eddie turns to leave but first catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, specifically… he turns around again and yup, that’s ‘Harrington’ on the back. eddie thinks he might pass out, and not just from overbinding.

eddie can tell he’s blushing when he leaves the room but can’t do anything about it so he fights to urge to just run away and finds steve in the living room. steve looks up at eddie when he walks in and eddie can’t tell if it’s his imagination or if steve is actually blushing at the sight of eddie in his clothes.

steve coughs and averts his eyes, asking “do you feel better?”

eddie smiles hesitantly and sits next to him on the couch.

“yeah, thanks for that,” he replies, fidgeting before continuing, “look i don’t know if you don’t get it or you just don’t care or something but just please don’t tell anyone-”

steve cuts him off, eyes wide and a hand resting on eddie’s shoulder.

“eddie, hey. i would never do that. i swear on my life,” steve meets his gaze and eddie can’t help but believe him. at eddie’s nod steve slumps in relief, the hand still on eddie’s shoulder squeezing in reassurance before letting go.

“so,” eddie starts, feeling steve turn towards him to show he’s paying attention.

“so,” steve parrots, prompting him, and eddie rolls his eyes fondly.

“so, i’m trans. obviously. well, i think obviously. cuz you’re handling this shockingly well so i’m not sure if you’re actually supportive or just really stupid,” steve makes an offended-sounding squawk and eddie grins, “but i appreciate it either way.”

when steve doesn’t respond (again) eddie turns to find him smiling brilliantly at eddie, dimples showing and eyes sparkling, stealing eddie’s breath.

“what?” he asks, dumbfounded.

steve giggles, fucking giggles, and starts pulling his shirt off. eddie chokes on air and is startled into a coughing fit, fucking shit steve is gonna kill him one day, and next thing he knows steve is standing in front of him and handing him a glass of water. eddie downs it gratefully, opening his eyes to see steve standing in front of him still shirtless and eddie can’t help but admire the view before he sees the top surgery scars and realizes what steve was trying to tell him.

eddie can’t help but gape and meet steve’s eyes, who begins laughing even harder at the look eddie gives him.

“you? you, King Steve, prince of Hawkins High, are trans??” eddie exclaims. his worldview is shattering for a second time (both times because of one steve harrington) and he needs a moment to adjust.

steve just nods and continues laughing, managing to say, “what cis guy chooses the nickname King Steve?” before collapsing onto the couch in giggles

eddie can’t help but roll his eyes fondly and poke at steve’s chest.

“you,” he declares, “are an asshole.”

steve makes a mock-wounded noise and drapes himself over eddie’s lap dramatically, clutching his at heart.

“you wound me,” he replies, staring up at eddie. their eyes meet, and eddie feels trapped in steve’s gaze, his heartbeat stuttering when steve tucks a lock of hair behind eddie’s ear.

a moment later steve looks away, face dusted a light pink, and continues, “i didn’t know you were too until just now- otherwise i would’ve told you, promise.”

eddie trusts steve, and knows he’s telling the truth. he chews on his bottom lip a moment, contemplating, before cupping the side of steve’s face with his hand. steve’s eyes flicker to his, a question in them, and this time eddie knows the answer.

“i’m gonna kiss you now, okay?” eddie asks, smiling wide when steve nods emphatically and tucks his hand onto the back of eddie’s neck to pull him down.

the kiss is short and sweet, interrupted by smiles and laughter, and made worse by the awkward position, but eddie wouldn’t change it for the world.

when he pulls back steve is beaming and before eddie say anything else he blurts out, “be my boyfriend?”

eddie stares at him for a second before snorting and lowering his head to laugh into steve’s chest. when he looks up again to see steve’s pout he smiles softly and says, “of course, dumbass.”

when steve’s grin returns, eddie thinks it might be his favorite sight in the whole world.

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #trans ftm steve harrington #trans eddie munson #nonbinary eddie munson #trans steve harrington #transmasc eddie munson #tw binding #tw unsafe binding #trans headcanon #t4t steddie #binders #ftm dysphoria #the dysphoria hoodie TM #steddie mini fic #steddie ficlet #steddie fluff #fluff #gender affirming #top surgery scars #steddie modern au #i love these idiots #soft steve harrington #sharing clothes

[silvercrane14]

Ok look. I know fuuta layering all the time points to the obvious conclusion that he's a cold bitch (tm). However. I think it's way funnier if he's just. Constantly overheated. He's sweating so hard under that tshirt button up sweater hoodie combo. He's literally dying. But he refuses to remove any of them (dysphoria)

#crane screams #kajiyama fuuta #milgram #milgram project #ive been staring at the word dysphoria for so long its not a word to me anymore. also autocorrect keeps changing it. but i googled it and- #-jt is a word and im using it right. but ob the off chance i hallucinated that specific spelling or smth. you know what i mean #swearing #tw swearing #he still had bad circulation tho btw

[tinytinybumblebee]

hi!! i just found out im starting t soon and im vv excited, and i was wondering if u had some trans ed age regression headcanons? thats ok if not!!

!!! Oh my goodness congratulations!! Hope this part of your journey goes smoothly!!♡♡♡

And aaa yes oh my gosh 💖

• Ed has been on T (canon universe it's magic ye old testosterone xD Modern au it's regular vial) for quite some time so, even when he's feeling smaller, Ed isn't too scared of the weekly jab!

If anything, tiny Ed is excited- because that means he gets to play "doctor check-up" with Mama! Stede puts on one of his white house robes as his "doctor coat" and they pretend the bed is the clinic cot as Stede gives his tiny patient a check-up (it's very silly things that has Ed giggling, like, Stede checking for dragons in Ed's ears) to help ease Ed before giving him his "Boy juice" (that's what tiny Ed has deemed it)♡

• Tiny Ed doesn't have a dysphoria hoodie(tm) but he has a dysphoria onesie (tm)! It's one that Stede had bought a size too big so it's baggy one Ed- but, when the lil guy isn't having the best time with *gestures* Mama dresses Ed into it, complementing and cooing over how adorable baby boy is♡

• There was some stereotypical "boys' childhood" Ed missed out on during his childhood so, you knooow he's experiencing those things now!

•If Ed hasn't wanted/had top surgery, Stede makes sure his little squid isn't wearing it too long or over-exerting himself while wearing his binder! If he has had top surgery, something that has become a part of "Mama and little squid" night routine is Stede rubbing a lavender-scented scar creme over the scars to keep them moisturized♡

#agere #age regression #sfw #fandom agere #mailbox #ofmd #stede bonnet #edward teach

[agumonger]

tangent! "being a man".

tangent! how i overthink things

tangent! how i finally figured it out and realized i am, indeed, just a cis dude

it really helped me to realize that while i don't want to be an andrew tate alphahead fast cars football materialism hiding your emotions type man, and i don't want to be a femboy either, i do want to be the kind of man that irradiates a wholesome energy, maybe a bit wacky, but not without a certain kind of wisdom, nerdy but not the petty incel entitled um akshually type, i want to have healer animal talker character type energy, i want to have gentle giant energy, bob ross energy, posy energy, i want to be fascinated by life and by humanity and make people feel like the time they spend with me is time that counts, i want to make them feel safe, loved, supported. i want to create beautiful things, i want to make people go through emotions with what i make, perhaps even discover something about themselves. i want to be warm and approachable and strange and unpredictable and hilarious and idealistic. i want to believe in things like love, honesty and kindness

that's the kind of man i want to be

the detachment that i always felt from traditional masculinity was never truly about aesthetic, or about gender identity, it was always about the toxicity. it's not about dysphoria - i've actually learned to like my body, too. i'm not a demiboy or agender or nb or anything of the sort, i just. don't like the extremely narrow definition of what masculinity is supposed to be, but i don't feel attracted towards the other side either, which is why i always hesitated to speak up about my issues, like "can i really say i'm Not Attached to my Own Gender(TM) if the idea of wearing makeup or a pearl necklace or a skirt clearly makes me glitch out?" was always the question that made me stay silent. "you're overthinking", i told myself, "you're not inventing Masculinity 2 you're just Some Guy. don't be so full of yourself"

and like, actually, yeah of course! of course i'm just some guy! i kept looking at the issue backwards. i kept asking myself "am i really a man?" when the question was "is the stupid ass alpha male method the only valid way to be a cis man, without being labeled as queer?" which, yeah, i am queer (bi) but still!! of course not! of course that's not the only valid way. it's just the most common one that dudes follow, but it doesn't have to be like that

i'm not *not* a man, i'm just not macho and that's different. and yes, 90% of people would consider my outward appearance to still be milquetoast and basic and normal as fuck and that's okay as well. i'm not the type that obsessively hates everything related to the alpha/chad aesthetic thing either

and yeah you might be like "but jojo, you had a gender questioning phase? but you seem as regular vanilla as dudes go! look at you talking about videogames in a hoodie and jeans and a buzzcut" and you would be absolutely right. i just think Too Much About Things

bonus points for reading this: how many male fictional characters with a similar vibe do you know. because i'll probably love them. i love every character that has been written with the understanding that men can be sensitive and sincere with their emotions and vulnerable AND that difference doesn't have to imply any orientation or specific special label of gender identity AND that sensitivity is to be understood and respected and not laughed at

fun fact this is why i love himbos so fucking much. because they got the traditionally masculine aesthetic that i'm hopelessly attracted to (though i wouldn't apply it to myself) but also the potential for genuine sensitivity and kindness and gentleness. emotional intelligence

i think this phase of self-discovery and overthinking that started around lockdown is probably over.

extra bonus points for reading: whatever rappers had goin on aesthetically in the mid 2000s. that. bring it back idc

#MONGER NO #just rambling and stuffs

[nicol--bolas]

us: puts on our Dysphoria Hoodie tm for the first time this year

l.azav:

[literallykenmaandshoyo]

Poly! Chuckle Sandwich Headcannons

Poly!Chuckle Sandwich (Ted Nivison, Charlie Slimesicle, and JSchlatt) x Gender Neutral!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warning: Mentions of period, mentions of dysphoria (ftm and mtf)

Author's note: Hey hey happy pride! To fuel my trans masc queer heart, I am writing some gender-neutral poly stuff. I love all the chuckle sammy boys equally and think that all three of them deserve love.

-Mod Kenma

First and foremost, the three of them are idiots

It's a little overwhelming to be surrounded by three individuals who feed off of one another

Especially when Schlatt and Charlie do that monkey bullshit randomly

But you manage

Mornings with them:

Perfect tm

Charlie runs hot while Schlatt runs cold so it's perfect to be in the middle with Ted

It's like a sandwich (haha) where Charlie and Schlatt are on the outside and you and Ted are on the inside

Ted and Charlie are the early risers and usually have coffee ready by the time Schlatt wakes up

If you're also an early riser, you wake up with the two of them and make breakfast

If you sleep in, Ted and Charlie will wake up both of you and help you two out of bed to get breakfast

Most mornings are rather domestic with the four of you eating breakfast together then getting ready

Then the four of you respectively shower (there is not enough room for the four of you in one shower sadly), do your skincare routine, then do whatever is planned for the day

While the boys do whatever YouTube stuff they do, you're busy with school/work

They totally bug you when you're working

Like you can be working on your computer and you can bet your bottom dollar one of them will come up to you and just lean on you

Charlie is the one who reminds everyone to eat so when lunch arrives, the four of you eat together (same goes for dinner)

You are in videos occasionally

For example, you were in Ted's "What Liquid Works Best In Cereal"

You helped choose out liquids and stopped Schlatt and Ted from getting even worse liquids than the ones they picked

You also hugged Schlatt after he failed to drink the thick water (and you played with his hair and helped him when he physically felt ill)

You also gave Ted some head pats when he felt like throwing up too

Fans love you when you randomly appear in the background of Chuckle Sandwich

Like you'll be in the background giving Ted some water then you'll appear in the background of Schlatt and Charlie also giving them water

You've been in some of Schlatt's videos too

In his Jambo video, you were in some of the clips he used, petting the cat or playing with him

Well to be fair Ted and Charlie were in that video too but you get the point

Charlie videos are more chaotic but fun nonetheless

You helped him with his excavation video by doing it with him

You also had an outfit too but yours actually fit

While Charlie was being chaotic and breaking shit, you were doing the work and digging out the crystals

On days where nobody is working (recording, streaming, editing), the four of you have a lazy day

One of you pick a movie and cuddle up on the couch

These days are also take out days where someone orders fast food and the rest of you eat

These days are the best, you get to wear one of Schlatt's hoodies, Charlie's sweats, and a pair of fussy socks you stole from Ted when you first spent the night at his house

Most nights are the same as mornings and just as domestic

The four of you shower, do skincare and get comfy

For those who get periods: have no fear, your boyfriends are here!

If you even show slight discomfort, one of the three will help you

Need a heating pad? Schlatt already has it and is plugging it in for you

No appetite? Ted has water ready for you and something small to nibble on

Bleed through in public? Charlie has some clean clothes in the trunk of the car for you

They know that they can't understand 100% what you're going through but will try to help no matter

For those who struggle with dysphoria: your boyfriends are your own personal cheerleaders!

Not feeling masc enough? They're letting you borrow some of their clothes and make sure those around you four treat you with masc intentions

Not feeling fem enough? They'll take you shopping so you can pick out whatever frilly dresses you want or cute tops. They'll even let you shop for them too

Even though Schlatt is rougher than the three and seems kind of mean at times, he does try really hard to show how much he loves and appreciates you

Ted (or as you nicknamed him Teddy) is the dad of the group but he does it because he loves the three of you with his whole heart and wants to make sure you're safe

Charlie is like a puppy, he's full of constant energy online but is curious and loving offline. He'll hold the three of you in his lanky arms and treasure you for the rest of his life

#chuckle sandwich #chuckle sandwich x reader #ted nivison x reader #jschlatt x reader #charlie slimesicle x reader #chuckle sandwich headcannon #poly chuckle sandwich #chuckle sandwich podcast #jschlatt imagine #ted nivison imagine #charlie slimesicle imagine #slimesicle x reader #x gender neutral reader #mcyt x reader

[spiderinthecupboard]

When your new dysphoria hoodie fits just right to conceal all curves TM while retaining a vaguely human shape 👍

[shittyavatarideas]

avatar of the dark but it's me, on the floor, in my Dysphoria Hoodie (tm) with the lights out, listening to my Cryptid Vibes playlist to try and wring some serotonin out of my dry ass brain cells

yeah that's the mood 

#all trans people have specific dysphoria clothes and it is a wonderful thing we share #ask #the dark #tma #the magnus archives

[turtle-steverogers]

Hello again Mikey!! Trans Steve anon here. I love that you like trans!Steve headcanons because I, too, am a trans guy who lowkey projects onto Steve haha. I actually have a trans!Steve WIP that's gonna take a bajillion years to finish lmao. Do you have any particular headcanons about trans!Steve that you wanna share? (Also I sent a similar ask already but I'm not sure if it went through so I'm asking again haha)

hello again! omg id love to read your work once you finish it!! it sounds fantastic1

and hmmmm trans!steve headcanons...

(some tw heads up for dysphoria!)

-his dysphoria can feel very physical. so on days when it’s bad, he likes to paint or workout so he can get out of his head in a healthy way and focus on the parts of him that feel good... like a paintbrush in his hands or the satisfying burn of a good lifting session or run

-but that physical dysphoria can get kinda bad and he usually doesn’t like touch that much when it’s bad so he and bucky will find something they can do together that isnt super high maintenance, but pleasantly distracting! like cooking dinner together or taking the dog out for a walk

-his Dysphoria Hoodie^tm is one of bucky’s avengers hoodies and incidentally, it’s a Falcon merch hoodie

-he realized he was trans when he was in his early teen years (13? 14?) and it was really tough figuring himself out, but he managed. upon waking in the future, he found out how far the community had come and managed to become an advocate for younger trans folk!

-he has a series of paintings that depict what it’s like being trans, because he’s not always so good at words, but a paintbrush gets him when talking gets hard

that’s kinda all i got! a lot of our trans steve exists within aus, so there’s not a lot that would make sense without context. but i really do love trans steve... he’s very close to my heart

#tw dysphoria #cw dysphoria #trans steve anon

[fictionkinfessions]

ysee, fatgum has the biggest braincells. his hero costume is just a hoodie. i've made the executive decision to just wear my dysphoria hoodie tm and pretend it's part of my hero costume and not a single one of you fuckers can tell me i'm wrong or else i'll cry ~aizawa

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #aizawakin #bnhakin #Anonymous #mod party cat!

[milesomiles]

@ Trans guys who wear hoodies all the time cause of dysphoria

Lemme show you something.

You see this? This is a holy fucking grail for trans guys. A Main reason for looking feminine when wearing quite a few shirts is due to narrow or, I guess, lack of shoulders when wearing them. But this shirt is specifically made to shed light on your shoulders, thus making them more prominent. It also makes you look a lot more like a Straight Guy TM which is a bonus for me. I dont know if this works for everybody, I’m sure they'll be some people who might not look how they want with it on, but if you can, Invest is this shirt!!

#Transgender #Trans Guy #Transmale #Transsexual #FTM #lgbt #lgbtq #trans #NB #non binary #gay #Trans male #Trans boy

[spaceyqueer]

Happy Trans Day of Visibility! I don't have any new selfies today, but here is one I took recently, and others - they're in order of most recent, and last is a photo of me as a child. If these photos show anything, it's how people change.

When I was younger, the concept of gender made no sense to me - I was a renowned 'tomboy', who was questioning their sexuality and their understanding of gender. I then went through a feminist wave where being a Woman TM was part of my identity because, like a lot of people, I was frustrated with misogyny and our gender constructs. When I finally went to university I realised that my own gender wasn't as concrete as I always thought, and my attachment to womanhood wasnt as tight as I thought - in fact, the only thing that bonded me too it was the effects of sexism that stuck with me, and I'd tried to identify so strongly with it to mask my discomfort (the early understanding of my dysphoria). I started experimenting with names, pronouns, and eventually settled with they/them and non-binary, later expanding into using transgender and demiflux as I gained confidence in my new name and my pronouns.

Four years on from when I really started questioning my gender, I've legally changed my name, come out to my parents, sister, and other relatives, marched in two prides, took part in campaigns, graduated, got accepted for a masters degree, and have successfully got my university to work on their policies for their trans students.

I'm still waiting on hormones, and surgery isn't any time soon - I had to stop wearing a binder regularly following an accident that fractured my ribs and shoulder, and I still struggle to correct people on my gender and pronouns, but I'm proud of how far I've come - and I look forward to how much I've got to go, even in the face of our current situation with Covid19.

To my fellow trans and non-binary people on this day - I wish you safety, security and happiness in your future, and know that if you're not where you want to be right now it can change. And be proud of yourself for coming this far.

[Image Description: A series of four photographs - the first three are selfies of a non-binary person, from most recent selfie to oldest - them in a grey hoodie first, in their graduation gown second and in summer clothes in the third. The last photograph is them as a child holding a young tabby cat - in this photo they have long hair and are wearing a bright red school uniform]

TERFs/Truscum/SWERFs DNI

#trans day of visibility #TDOV #tdov2020 #tdov selfie #tdov #transgender #non-binary #transgender day of visibility

[threecrowswearingacloak]

(Rant ahead, no need to read it, I just need to get it out) So I wanna have fun once, and then I can't wear my binder because it stinks after wearing it for like only six hours. Okay, to be fair, I did run for maybe a minute and went on stage in it, two things you aren't supposed to do, so maybe that's karma. But I really hoped I was gonna get gendered correctly tomorrow... but now that's gonna be ruined by: voice, hips, manners, face shape, for some reason feminine hoodie, fat sacks TM, hight, head shape, probably more. Okay then let's just die. I just really hope I don't get on my period tomorrow, that would fucking suck. I can't use the pain and the dysphoria rn. Also the way I know myself I won't go to the bathroom until I'm home unless I really, really have to. So there'd be the risk of bleeding through my pants. Also I can't charge my headphones currently bc I forgot them downstairs and to 99% I'll forget the charger in the morning, but I need them to survive going to Hamburg and going home. Life sucks and I am stupid

#24.10.19 #rainyspace #randombabbling #cw periods

[kingly-court]

Hoo boy, nothing says birthday like changing out of a comfortable sweater and bra into a binder and a hoodie because the dysphoria(tm) is crushing.

[aliwept]

WARNING :     MASSIVE TOKOYAMI HC DUMP AHEAD !  part one of ..... many sldkfjds i gotta transfer a lot from old blogs

triggers:  body talk,  religions mentions,  mentions of binding, self hatred and transitioning.

BELIEFS / MOTIVATION:

tokoyami looks at becoming a hero the “wrong” way — or rather, in a way that cripples his success.he doesn’t want to become a hero in and of itself, but to help as many people as he can.

this is usually a good thing, but it is motivated by his extreme guilt and self doubt rather than pure desire, believing that that is the only way to pay for his “sins.” (i.e., the destruction or potential destruction his quirk as/could cause(d).)

he holds himself up to an extremely high standard, (it is impossible to have a totally “pure” motivation,) one of being perfect and disciplined in every way, but he consistently fails to reach that (as any human being would), making it so that he falls deeper into a circle of self-doubt and pity.

he also tends to idealize his friends for their faults, and when those difficult traits show up he gets extremely bothered, then angry at himself for his idealization, then angry for bothering them, & it escalates until he’s simply angry at himself for being what he believes to be a burden.

this is an extremely deeply rooted process, one that even daily actions contribute to, & while the source isn’t completely his parents, it is certainly reinforced by his mother’s abuse & his guilt relating to his father’s death.

PHYSICAL:

he’s not particularly muscled — well, compared to his more muscular classmates. most of his muscle is in his legs & stomach. he does not have a particular training regimen, typically unmotivated unless prompted.

unlike the majority of his classmates, because a lot of his fighting is done with dark shadow moving him (so that it’s harder to predict movements, as well as going from a large range), the majority of the time he’s not challenged physically.

against close attacks, both attacking which he uses his sword for (seen in his dorm room), when allowed. he inherited that sword from his father after his death. he also feels fatigue easily, not so much due to muscles but because of his exhaustion that is his “normal” state, given that dark shadow is nocturnal. (this & his low work ethic. he works a lot harder when training with friends.)

he doesn’t feel the need to bind more than not, given his skinny physique, with his hips being only a little bit wider than the average cis man’s.most of his scars are on his arms, self inflicted from his talons cutting into his skin. parts of his skin are covered in a gel like skin, clear to see the feathers that poke out from them, going much like arm hair down his sides. these are mostly around his shoulders.

most of the feather is underneath skin (though the skin & the feather both have no nerves), visible with the skin being mostly clear (no muscles adding color, only the natural dark pigment) with the rest of the feaher poking out at a low angle to his arm.

HABITS:

he has a diary that he writes in religiously. it’s kept in a hat box under his bed when he returns to the dorm, along with a collection he’s had since he had been able to write.

at times, in nostalgia, he’ll read through his earlier books. he also tends to doodle his classmates in them ! he’s an incredibly private person — especially because his mother ignored his privacy, refusing to let him keep secrets of any kind in ‘fear that he was hiding something’ — but also enjoys putting his thoughts into words.         

PAST:               

tokoyami was bullied due to his appearance / personality. for someone who was already uncomfortable with his body (not knowing what being trans was at that point) this became the root of deep insecurity regarding his appearance, whether it was as simple as hesitation.

he is autistic !! he stims a lot with his hands, though usually it’s in his hoodie / under his cloak, because he’s very self conscious about it.  he also has adhd: inattentive type, bpd, depression & anxiety!

fantasy verse:  he’s a witch & i will fight you on this fact. my boy loves the occult. he’s also. in generally he tends to be superstitious, & more than that enjoys different rituals! it probably won’t show up in my rp cause i honestly don’t know much about that type of thing but ! he absolutely adores things like that, not necessarily because he fully believes them but because they’re interesting & he believes that they probably stem if only in part from fact.

now im gonna add some notes here.  while he is obviously pretty strong,  he has problems with control, considering that not only does he have to react, he has to communicate those thoughts with dark shadow. speed / offense / defense obviously are enhanced w dark shadow, as well as his own abilities (he would still be able to hold his own if he couldn’t use his quirk).

as well, a lot of his stats are basically his stats + dark shadow, which obv makes them higher than they otherwise would be. he also has really high stamina and working out for a long time doesn’t really. make him tired, nor dark shadow, because dark shadow doesn’t get tired & he’s not the one doing a lot of the actual physical stuff. he’s not good w weapons tho in general. note that these are basically during the daytime w/o a huge light source so things change when it’s darker/lighter.

parents:   tokoyami’s mother had the ability to call spirits of the dead to her and talk to them, & his father’s was to house things, as in objects, so he cld like. store things inside of his body. it’s real wild.

a quirk that combined with another in tokoyami’s lineage, so one of his ancestors had the ability to shapeshift, specifically with birds & banged w someone who has a quirk similar to aizawa’s, where it basically ‘stills’ the action of .someone’s quirk, if that makes sense? so down the line people wld inherit a birds’ features, but it would switch. in his dad’s case, he got a raptors ‘arms’ & eyes.

i am here to inform you that not only is he really short, he’s also chubby! espcially as a child. while he now has muscle! :tm: ive made earlier posts about how he doesn’t have a good. regimen & shit so. yeah. just like deku, while he may be muscled, (though he’s less muscled than. most of his classmates) he still is v chubby on other parts of his body.

also ! he’s trans & he has. a large bust, which he does not bind most of the time due to fear of asphyxiation. being demiboy, he is bothered at it at times, but dislikes tight clothes as a whole (like binders). this is because he is easily overstimulated by excessive contact with his body, causing sensory overload.the exception is his neck, which his choker is a source of comfort. (though, warning, there are scars underneath that the large choker hides!)

tokoyami. will say/do something & then become embarrassed by it, after the act has already been done. he’ll fuckin melt on the spot.

tokoyami is absolutely someone to leave ppl on read. or respond w several paragraphs w ‘K.’ like. that’s just how it is. he’s lowkey an asshole in that way but he just. he has to think a lot before having a response but he gets distracted & just leaves it.

he has dark fucking brown skin !!!!! people who draw tokoyami w light skin cause he’s a ‘pale goth uwu !!!!’ are weak & will be weeded out by natural selection.

people he trains with most are ,,,  mostly kirishima, kaminari, aoyama and momo when they’re available

he’s mix of japanese, native american, and indian!

self knowledge questions:  neediness, independence, shyness.

NEEDINESS: being affirmed & nurtured by others is a central requirement for you to feel safe. this means you can be slow to warm up to other people, which is difficult because what you most need from them is their warmth. yet you know how to be vulnerable: to let down your defenses and accept that you need another person. this lack of pretense is a valuable trait, and ultimately more endearing than the macho efforts others make to deny their childlike sides.

INDEPENDENCE: you don’t set out to be different for its own sake; you are more easily guided by what interests & moves you. you are more concerned about what is right for you than about the pressure to fit in. you know the value of selective irresponsibility, of forgetting occasionally about being ‘good’.

SHYNESS: part of you is gripped by the fear that you’ll launch into something and completely mess it up. the upside of this is wise caution: people are indeed often too rash, whereas you know, by instinct, that holding back can save you. probably, you feel shame and self-disgust a bit too much. but when you do feel in your element, you act with a wisdom and sensitivity never found in people with thicker skins.

there’s an au where he’s tamaki’s half brother tamakis hmu

more ramblings cause i lov him so anw. i figure that like. if he had to have a motivator it would be an outside force but basically he’s riding on the fact that he has more physical ability because he doesn’t perform very well in studies. ( bird brain …… )

getting 14th place out of the class on midterms, he’s aware that he’s not motivated & as well as his migraines & other mental illnesses ( adhd, executive dysfunction, etc. ) this means that he doesn’t really reach his “full potential.”

he’s aware of this, though, which causes him to train physically. physically training also allows him to ( a ) feel proud of himself, something that he struggles with ( b ) help him generally, esp with dysphoria ( c ) get his mind off of other things / points of stress.

i still don’t think he’s like. as buff as shouji for example, though part of that is that he’s naturally lean ! & he has trouble motivating himself sometimes but when he stays up late ( due to dark shadow ) it basically wrecks his sleeping patterns, so this gives him something beneficial to do while also exhausting himself, which he hopes will help him fall asleep.

like i know that i said that . . he was skinny / not v muscled ( when compared to his buffer classmates, rather ) but i guess i’ve been proven wrong because it took both Buff McFuck mina and hagakure 2 push him out of the way ( not tht it took that long but that was w them straining / time skips )

so @ this point i Just Don’t Know. he got 9 in the practical which means he’s obv like ?? p good but that was the entrance exam. ( he got 10 rescue my baby !!!! im so proud of him ) & then w aizawa’s exams he started off at 5 & im tryna find the other thing what it ended up as but @ this point i’m just , pretty divided cause i’m not seeing much reason for him to learn to train w/o proper training ( & we kno that he’s not someone who was trained specially like todoroki / momo tho tht doesnt mean it’s not possible & at this point im just ) ya. he’s gotta be able but from what we know he’s not v motivated ? ausdjkfdsfjk we’ll see ig.

tokoyami is a mix of shinto (where his hero epithet comes from), taoist (due to the values), & hindu (again, values). i think for now it’s going to be some mix of that, though i’m going to do some research on shinto values since i don’t know much about it !!!!!

generally, he’s pretty superstitious, just because he knows many myths are based on facts, & the idea of ‘it doesn’t hurt to watch out for them.’ he prefers to avoid possible things that would make him have bad luck.

#dont rb or i manifest in your house n kill you /

[ranpd]

headed to the homies house wearin the dysphoria hoodie (tm)

#spade post #trans #we’re gonna beat dsmp ass dude