#the kids never questioned it either. just accepted her as being their mom and moved on | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shuadotcom · 2 months

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In Case You Didn’t Know (M)

Pairing: Lee Chan x Fem!Reader

Summary: Chan has always been just one of your step-brother’s best friends. He’s also been in love with you for as long as everyone remembers, but you never paid him much mind - that is until you decide to return home after many years away and you see the man he’s become. He goes from being your little brother’s best friend to being the perfect man for you in a matter of months. Now the questions are who wants who more and will either of you do anything about your feelings?

Genres: Fluff, romance, smut, a little angst | AUs: Brother’s best friend au, roommates au, 90s au

Rating: 18+(MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED) | Words: 28.8k 🥴

Warnings: Profanity, alcohol use, will-they-won’t-they tension, a scene of reader x Lee Minhyuk (suggestive) and reader x Joshua (romantic) | Smut Warnings: unprotected sex, fingering (f.receiving), oral (f.receiving), thigh riding, praise, dirty talk, pet names (baby, babygirl, good boy), service top!Chan

Note: Written for the Now That’s 90s collab hosted by @beomcoups & @mingsolo ! I wanted to get this out for Christmas but my brain had other plans. I wanted to invoke a kind of cheesy Christmas romance movie feel to this while still keeping it 90s so that’s the vibe we’re going for! Thank you to the always amazing @wongyuseokie for the lovely banner 💙 And thank you @wooahaeproductions for beta reading my word vomit and helping me come up with this title! I love and appreciate you very much my beta/fic title queen! 💖 Also, I want to give giant sappy thank yous, hugs, and kisses to Bee, @horanghater, @onlymingyus, and @the-boy-meets-evil for all giving me pep talks and offering support throughout the process of this fic coming to exist. It’s my longest fic ever and I wanted to start over so many more times than I did so I appreciate and love y’all v much!! 🥹💞🫶🏽

“Miss? We’re here,” The taxi driver's voice wakes you, bleary eyes focusing on the apartment building outside the car window. You hadn’t been sleeping that long, but it was long enough to make you tired after your fifteen-hour flight to Seoul. That, coupled with the heat of the taxi made you cozy enough to nap, but you’re finally looking forward to being out of a moving vehicle.

As the taxi driver unloads your suitcases from the trunk, you step out into the cold September air, and triple-check the address of the apartment building, comparing the number on the building in front of you to what’s written in your planner in hand. You had verified the address with your step-brother each time the two of you spoke on the phone leading up to your flight to Korea.

When you originally told Hansol that you decided that you were ready to quit your flight attendant career and move back home, your original plan was to move back in with your parents. Going into it, you knew well enough that the move would be annoying. You loved your mom and stepdad, but your mom was a bit of a helicopter mom growing up, so you can only imagine what living under her roof again would be like.

Luckily, you and your brother have always gotten along and been close, so instead of subjecting you to moving back home, he offered to let you move in with him and his roommate. Their third roommate was planning on moving out to live with his partner, so his room would be open for the taking.

“It’d be so much easier than putting an ad in the paper or online and interviewing strangers. You and Chan are cool right?” Hansol had asked, referring to his other roommate. Lee Chan was one of his best friends since you all were kids. Other than his very loud and very obvious crush on you, you had no problem with Chan and gladly accepted the room offer.

After you and your brother made a plan for you to move in, you contacted your oldest and closest friend who had offered you job opportunities before, citing if you ever wanted to move back to South Korea, she would do her damndest to get you something. Needless to say, she was thrilled to hear your voice when you finally called and broke the news.

The planning to get here seemed like it took forever, but now that you’re back with your feet on Seoul soil, you were happy. The journey of closing this chapter of your life was wrapping up. Now you will have a chance at doing something different for the next part of your life.

With both full-to-the-brim suitcases in hand, you roll them behind you into the building and to the elevator. The ride to the third floor is short and the walk to your brother’s apartment is even shorter.

Just as he had instructed, you lift the welcome mat to find a key waiting for you and use it to let yourself in.

“Han?” You call your brother’s name once inside but don’t get a response. You can hear water running down the hall and see shoes by the door so he’s obviously home.

Your eyes sweep over the living room as you take off your coat and boots. You’re surprised at just how clean the apartment is with two men in their mid-twenties living in it. The couch is a simple black fabric three-seater with a matching chair off to the side. A brown wood coffee table sits in front of both with a few magazines and two remotes on it. Presumably, for the TV and VCR sitting across the room from the seating.

You had half expected to see clothes and movies strewn across the floor and furniture, but there’s none of that in sight.

After hanging your coat on the rack by the door and leaving your boots with the other pair, you leave your suitcases in the foyer and start down the hallway, heading for what you assume is the bathroom. You’re not sure which room is Hansol’s, but he mentioned that he’d be home when you got in, so you plan on poking your head into each door until you find the one that so obviously screams Chwe Hansol.

The water cuts off in the bathroom as your socked feet pad across the carpet and you make a pitstop at the bathroom, figuring you’ll just meet your brother there instead.

“Hansol?” You raise a hand to knock on the door at the same time that it swings open. It is most certainly not your brother on the other side.

Out of the bathroom, clad in only a fluffy white towel slung low on his hips, steps your brother’s roommate and best friend Lee Chan.

The same Lee Chan that you’ve known since he was in grade school when his hair was spiked, his eyes were too far apart and his head was too big for his body. The same one that’s been hopelessly in love with you since he and his family moved in next door to you and Hansol when he was ten. You of course have had to turn him down all of your life. Other than the fact that he’s a few years younger than you, he was always just your brother’s awkward but sweet best friend. You remember exactly how he looked and how he acted - like a kid.

This Lee Chan though is different. This Lee Chan very clearly works out. His arms are muscular and buff. He has defined pecs and abs that are still covered in flecks of water that are dripping down his built body. Dripping down to the light dusting of hair leading from his belly button and underneath the towel.

This Lee Chan has a strong jaw, pouty lips, and dark hair that hangs in his eyes. This Lee Chan is one of the finest men you’ve ever seen in your life - and a man he most certainly is. Your eyes unabashedly sweep over his mouth-watering frame until you meet his brown eyes and you remember instantly that this is still the Lee Chan that you should absolutely not be looking at like this.

“Oh! Y/n!” His voice is much deeper than you remember and it sits heavy in the pit of your stomach.

“Chan! Sorry, I thought you were Hansol! He said he’d be home when I got in.” You clear your throat, trying to get a grip on yourself.

“Oh yeah, he got called into work at the last minute. He left you a note on the fridge.”

“Oh, okay.”

The two of you stand there for a moment, neither of you speaking.

“Well uh, let me get dressed and then I can give you a tour of the apartment and your room. I’m heading out soon to meet up with some friends, but I have time.”

“Only if you want to! I don't want to hold you up!”

“You won’t, promise! Just give me a few minutes.”

Chan flashes you a smile that fills up his whole face and you can’t help but notice how handsome he looks.

You nod and scurry to the opposite side of the hallway, realizing that you’re still trapping him in the doorway of the bathroom. You watch him walk into what you can only assume is his room and go back into the living room, waiting for him on the couch.

You’re thankful for him needing to take a few minutes because you need some time yourself as well. The fact that this man is the same boy that you grew up alongside is a lot to wrap your head around.

The two of you have always gotten along. He was a sweet kid even though all he did was follow you around at any moment he could. He was funny and probably one of Hansol’s most respectful friends which you appreciate, given that his friend group was all just a bunch of rowdy boys, but you’ve never thought about him like that in all the time that you knew him.

Over the years, there have been a few times where you’d see him in pictures your mom would email or mail to you whenever you were somewhere for a long period of time. The last time you’d come home for the holidays was three years ago and you saw Chan briefly, but from what you recall, he just looked like some guy to you when you had seen him. He did not look like this then and he certainly hadn’t been this good-looking growing up or maybe you would have entertained something with him.

That thought is only fleeting and you have to calm your heart (and your pussy) from reacting to seeing him like this. He’s still your little brother’s best friend and he’s now your roommate, and in no way can anything happen. That is messy on so many levels.

This sudden onslaught of want has to be because you’re just that desperate for a romantic connection with someone. Or you just need to get laid. Trying to maintain any semblance of a relationship in your line of work proved to be harder than you’d think.

For the past almost 10 years of working in the sky, you’ve had your fair share of hookups here and there. Your last was a fun, albeit messy, fling with a new pilot you were often on the same flights with named Kevin. He was handsome and funny and easy to get along with, but that didn’t end well, seeing how he got right to work hooking up with all the other flight attendants on his flights. You weren’t sure if commitment in the form of officially being boyfriend and girlfriend was what you wanted with him, but you had gone out of your way to make sure you weren’t sleeping around or seeing other people when the two of you got together. He didn’t agree with that.

Before Kevin, there was another flight attendant you were often on the same flights as. Krystal was sweet and the two of you had grown close, but she wanted to keep your relationship a secret from everyone all of the time. You had known going into it that you were still in a time where people were weird about queer people, but you also didn’t care that much. She did though, and ended up calling it off mostly due to paranoia.

Then there was the wealthy businessman, Jacob. He was an amazing guy and an even more amazing lay, but he wanted you to quit your job and move to Canada with him. This was a bit earlier in your career so you were nowhere near ready to abandon it all. He didn’t like that and would get into huge fights with you about it until you finally broke it off.

There were other tries and fails, but the moral of the story is that dating was damn near impossible for you for most of your adult life. Now that you’re planning on finally settling somewhere, you need to get back onto the dating scene and stop lusting over someone you should not be drooling over.

Chan comes out of his room then, dressed and hair styled. He’s clad in denim jeans and a white, long-sleeved shirt and somehow your eyes still sweep over him as if he’s still standing in front of you in a towel.

He doesn’t seem to notice your ogling since he simply flashes you a wide smile and beckons you to follow him into the next room.

“So, the apartment isn’t anything too fancy. We’ve got the kitchen around the corner here; if you go through that door, that’s the balcony. There’s a couple of chairs and a drying rack out there - nothing very interesting.” He points around the simple kitchen, gesturing to the sliding door next to the fridge leading to the balcony. Chan walks in front of you again to lead you back out into the living room and you can’t help but catch a whiff of his cologne. The warm, woodsy scent makes you groan internally, and yet again, you need to check yourself.

He gestures to the living room, mentioning the entertainment center and their VHS collection. He mentions that your brother made a space for you under the sink in the bathroom for you to put some of your things. Chan points out the small closet next to the bathroom where they keep extra towels and linens and the washing machine which sits in a small nook next to that closet.

The room directly across from the bathroom belongs to Hansol, and when looking inside you see that’s obvious. Posters line the walls and CDs and books are piled on the dark wood desk in the corner. Clothes are strewn about on the floor along with a few pairs of sneakers. Since the rest of the apartment is cleaned up, clearly Hansol reserves the mess for his own space.

The second room next to Hansol’s is Chan’s. He lets you poke your head in and you’re surprised at how neat it is, much like the main area of the apartment. It’s safe to assume that Chan must be in charge of keeping things neat or at least keeping your notoriously messy brother in line.

The last room at the end of the hall is yours. It previously belonged to Seungkwan, another one of Hansol’s best friends and their former roommate. It’s clean and neat, with a desk against the wall on one side and a made-up bed on the other. A dresser sits near the closet next to a full-length mirror. Otherwise, there’s not much else in it.

“Oh! Let me grab your bags! I should’ve offered.” Chan ignores your protest telling him not to worry about it and goes to get your suitcases anyway.

He wheels them down the hall and into your room as you grab your backpack and purse and follow behind him.

“Thanks, Chan.” He leaves your luggage by the door and smiles at you again.

“No worries, Y/n,” Chan checks his watch before announcing that he’s about to leave. “ If you need anything, Hansol should be back later this afternoon and I know he keeps the number to his work line on the fridge. I’ll probably be home in the evening, but otherwise, the apartment is yours since you live here now.” Chan waves at you as he leaves your room and you take a seat on the chair in front of the desk, listening as he collects his things and shouts another goodbye, closing, and locking the front door behind him.

The apartment is quiet when it’s just you and the temptation to sprawl out onto the bed and take a nap is so real, but instead, you force yourself up and out into the living room. You know that you should call your mom and let her know you’ve landed, but you also know she’ll talk your ear off if she answers, and you’re not really in the mood for that.

Instead, you pick up the phone on the side table and call your childhood best friend Jinah, intending to coordinate a time to meet and catch up. When she doesn’t answer you leave a message, letting her know this phone number and that you’ve made it to Seoul. There are a few other friends you need to connect with, but that can wait until later.

For now, you decide that a hot shower is calling you. Admittedly, it takes a few minutes for you to figure out how the shower works, but when you do, you’re more than thankful for the opportunity to clear your head and finally relax. You’ve been frazzled and stressed for months leading up to quitting your career and moving back home, but now that it’s done and you’re here, you feel as though you get a little bit of breathing room.

You still have the matter of getting a new job, which Jinah will be helping you with, and eventually, you need to figure out where you’ll move after you’re back on your feet since you don’t plan on making staying with your brother permanent, but for now, the biggest hurdle of moving back across the globe has been crossed.

After your shower, you make note of how your stomach growls, but decide to get a little unpacking done first. You already know that if you don’t at least start, your suitcases may sit in this room for days until you have the willpower to put things away. After digging your discman out of your backpack, you pop in an Aaliyah CD and get to work.

You only get as far as folding your underwear and bras and putting those in the dresser before you’re stretching out on the bed and telling yourself you’ll only close your eyes for a moment before resuming.

Your head feels groggy when you open your eyes, sit up, and take in your surroundings. For a moment, you forget where you are, until you remember you’re in your new room in Seoul. Sun shines through the curtains covering your window and you spot your discman on the nightstand next to your head.

When you poke your head out of your room, you can hear soft sounds from the TV in the living room, but before you investigate, you take a detour to the bathroom to brush your teeth.

“Look who’s returned to the land of the living!” Hansol greets you when you finally make your way into the living room. He’s lounging on the couch, watching a variety show, but quickly gets up to pull you into a hug.

“Hey, Sol. What time is it?”

“Ten.”

“In the morning?!” You blink at the window with the curtains drawn open, frowning at the sunlight coming into the room. “I got in at noon yesterday!”

Hansol chuckles as you plop onto the couch next to him. “Yep. I tried to wake you when I got home yesterday, but you just grumbled at me and turned back over. I put your discman on the nightstand so you wouldn’t knock it off or anything so you’re welcome.”

“Damn, guess I was just that tired.”

“Yeah, Chan tried to get you up too, but you didn’t budge. He brought dinner home but not even food could get you up.” Hansol laughs, thankfully not noticing the way his words fluster you. The thought of Chan seeing you sprawled out on your bed, mouth likely open as you slept is embarrassing. You quickly have to remind yourself that he is your roommate so he’s bound to see you sleeping and to get over it.

“That explains why it feels like there’s a gaping hole in the pit of my stomach.”

“Don’t worry, there’s leftover pizza in the fridge for you. And I’m sure there’s some other stuff to tide you over until later.”

“Where’s Chan now?”

“Work. Same place I’m about to go. It’s my turn for dinner tonight so I’ll bring chicken home with me.”

“Ugh, I haven’t had good fried chicken since I was in the States and we landed in Atlanta, Georgia for a while.”

“I got you. There’s a really good place not far from the apartment.”

“You’re the best, Sol.”

“I know,” your brother boasts, getting off the couch to stretch.

“Oh! Mom called last night for you. She’s pissed you didn’t call her when you got here.”

Letting out a groan, you roll your eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure. I just didn’t have it in me to listen to her tell me a story that I’ve probably already heard ten times. I’ll call her later after I finish unpacking. I already know she’s gonna want me to come over.”

“Oh, she does. She wants us both over tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?! She didn’t even ask if that works!”

“She didn’t, but that’s because she knows I’m off work tomorrow and in her words, ‘it’s not like your sister has any obligations yet, so you can come over close to lunch.’”

Hansol’s recounting of your mom’s words forces another eye roll out of you, but you’ll both be there and you already know it.

“I’m running to the bathroom then I’ll get ready to head out. Here, have fun.” He hands you the TV remote before disappearing into the bathroom.

Before you can get comfortable, you pull your tired body from the couch to grab leftovers and eat before your mom calls again, inevitably nagging you about not calling her earlier.

As expected when you settle back down to call, your mom picks up the phone on the first ring and spends the next ten minutes chastising you for not calling her when you landed. You apologize multiple times, assuring her that both you and Hansol will visit her tomorrow.

Also as expected she talks your ear off for about twenty minutes, giving you updates that you know she’ll tell you about again tomorrow. Thankfully, the mailman shows up in the middle of another story about the neighbor she’s been having a holiday decoration war with for the last three years in a row so she lets you go, saying she’s happy to see you tomorrow.

Jinah is next on your call list and she also picks up after a few rings, cheering as soon as she hears your voice, celebrating your arrival in Seoul.

“I’m so happy we’re in the same timezone again!”

“Me too. I don’t even remember the last time we got to sit and chat.”

“I want to say it was when we were both in Spain last year. You had that day-long layover and I was out there for Fashion Week.”

“Oh, you’re right! You met that guy at that mall we went to.”

“Mmm, Ricky! He was so sweet. He still calls me sometimes. I don’t always answer, but he tries.” Jinah giggles, no doubt at some memory of her and the model she easily picked up that day.

She shifts around on the other line. “Oh damn, as much as I want to catch up with you babe, I’m about to head out for a meeting. Can we meet up tomorrow?”

“Yeah, if you can do it late in the afternoon? My mom wants me and Hansol to come over tomorrow. She already chewed my head off for not calling her when I got in.”

“Oh, Mrs. Chwe. Well, after you’re done with family time, let’s meet up! There’s a new bakery that opened in Hongdae that I haven’t tried yet. We can go together since it’s not too far from your parents’ place.”

“Please! I am craving a croissant actually.” Jinah tells you the address which you quickly write down, agreeing to meet tomorrow afternoon.

With that call over, you decide to finally bite the bullet and finish unpacking your things so you can stop thinking about it. It doesn’t take very long, seeing how your whole life was packed away in two suitcases, a backpack, and a purse. You make a mental note to do some decoration shopping for your room once you have the funds and decide to reward yourself with TV time.

You didn’t get to catch up on many shows always being on the go, so you plan to spend your time now getting in the know and watching as many reruns as you can catch. Among other things, not being in the sky for 90% of your time will offer you the opportunity to take things much slower. You’re used to always either being on a plane, spending a few nights in hotels or short-term rental places, or rushing between all of these destinations, so you plan on doing the complete opposite with your new schedule now.

You’re stretched out on the couch, enjoying an episode of one of the new dramas everyone around you has mentioned when you fall asleep again, your eyelids unable to concentrate for long.

You don’t even realize you’ve fallen asleep until you feel yourself being slightly shaken, your eyes cracking open to see Chan staring down at you. When your eyes finally adjust you get a better look at him and note how handsome he looks in his leather jacket and beanie. Why is that even the first thing you thought?

“Hey, sleepyhead. We’re home and we have dinner.”

“Dinner?”

“Yeah, fried chicken!” You sit up, groggily rubbing your eyes and you see Hansol coming into the living room, bag in hand.

You step away to freshen up, fixing your hair and splashing some water on your face. Your brother and Chan have already set up the chicken and beer on the coffee table, taking their seats on the floor around the table as Hansol flips through TV channels.

Plopping on the floor across from Chan, Hansol pulls a can of soda out of the bag next to you, sliding it over your way. You eagerly open it, thanking him for remembering your lack of enthusiasm about drinking, and grab a piece of chicken.

“So, Y/n,” Chan starts, his full attention on you. “What brought you back to Seoul? When we talked about you moving in, Hansol told me you wanted to quit and move home, but I didn’t ask why.”

“I was just ready for something more stable, is all. Traveling the world is fun and I didn’t hate my job - I met a ton of new and interesting people - but at some point, I just got tired of never having a true place that is mine. I mean, I’ve been doing this since I was twenty. There are only so many hotels and rental places a person can do until they get tired of the constant movement.”

“That makes sense. When I went abroad during my first year of college I got super homesick so I ended up coming back. Some of our friends said I was lame for coming back, but I don’t know, I’ve always loved Korea you know? It’s where I grew up and I feel safe and secure here. I guess I just needed time away to decide what I wanted to do.”

You nod along, understanding what he means. You didn’t know too much about Chan after you graduated and left Korea, so it was nice to learn a little more about him.

“I get that, I mean we see I’m back now after all these years. Some people just gravitate back to where they came from.”

“Yeah, I was just surprised when Hansol mentioned you coming back. I remember you being so excited after graduation because you knew what you wanted to do already and I know you just wanted to see something else other than here.” Chan smiles at you gently. The fact that he remembers how you were feeling after graduation is sweet to you.

“I was excited and I don’t regret what I chose to do. It was fun but ended up not being my end-all-be-all, which is okay. But anyway, enough about me! Hansol told me that you own a dance studio?”

“Oh, yeah. I took over my dad’s dance studio. He’s still around, but I own it. We’re talking about expanding and making it an actual dance company. People from all over Korea come to the studio, so if we can find more spaces and good instructors we can open another here and even abroad.”

“That’s amazing, Chan! You always loved to dance. I’m glad you’re able to do it full-time.” The tips of Chan’s ears redden at your compliment and he takes a long swig of his beer.

“Thanks, Y/n.”

“Of course. I only hope that now that I’m back I can find the next thing that I want to do. My friend Jinah, I don’t know if you guys remember her, but she’s going to get me a job at the modeling agency she works at. It’ll probably just be something in the office until I find something else or figure out my next move.”

“Well, you’ve always been really smart and ambitious so I’m sure you’ll find something you’re good at now that you’re back.”

“Thank you, Chan.” You feel your face heat up at his words.

The two of you seem to share a moment where you both glance down at your food, then back up at each other every few minutes.

Hansol suddenly clears his throat as if reminding you both that he’s sitting right in between you.

“Things at my job are going well thanks for asking.”

You both snap out of whatever that moment was and recover by asking Hansol how he likes his new responsibilities, recalling the raise he got recently at work. Hansol’s worked for the same newspaper company for the past four years and you know he’s done his best to gain a good reputation at the company and that he works hard.

You do your best to avoid the questioning look he’s passing between the two of you and instead take a big bite of the chicken wing in front of you.

“It’s good. I write movie reviews now which is cool. I get to see a bunch of movies that come out before the general public for free. It’s much better than the random articles they had me working on before this promotion.”

“I’m proud of you, Sol.” You reach over to ruffle his hair with the hand not touching your food, ignoring the groan he lets out at the action. “Maybe one day you can bring your big sister to one of these early movie showings?”

“Tch, good luck. He won’t even bring me,” Chan mumbles, taking another sip of beer.

“I’m watching movies for work, thank you very much.” Hansol rolls his eyes at the way that Chan sticks his tongue out at him playfully. “Speaking of work, Y/n, make sure you let me know soon if Jinah can’t get you into her company. We have some openings that popped up recently and I’m sure I can get you in if you need it.”

“I will. We’re gonna hang out tomorrow after we see Mom and Dad and I’ll ask her more about it then.”

The three of you spend the rest of dinner watching TV and spend more time catching up. Hansol talks about some upcoming articles he has to work on, Chan goes over more plans for expanding his father’s dance studio, and the men both question you about all the places you’ve traveled to and everything you did as a flight attendant.

After dinner, you help clean up the trash before deciding to go to bed. Your internal clock is still readjusting to a semi-normal schedule, so you need at least a few more days before you can stay up later than 9 PM.

“Goodnight, guys,” You wave at the boys, heading down the hall into your room. You’ll take a shower in the morning - for now, you just want to rest.

Once you’re in your room, the door shut, Hansol eyes Chan as the man casts a few glimpses down the hall. He chuckles, getting his best friend’s attention.

“What?”

“Your crush is still showing, you know.”

Frowning, Chan looks between Hansol and the hallway before fixing his gaze on the TV.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hansol scoffs at him but drops it. He knows Chan well enough to know when he’s lying through his teeth, but he won’t press it.

“Whatever you say, dude.” Hansol shrugs, announcing that he’s going to get ready for bed too. Chan stays in the living room, staring at the TV for a little while longer, but not taking in the show.

All he can think about is the fact that he is very much still into you and he’s never actually stopped. When Hansol brought up you moving in with them, he had no problem with it. You’re his best friend’s sister who needs help, of course, he wouldn’t say no. Chan figured that it would be nice to get to know you more as an adult since all of the knowledge he has of you is the person you were from middle school to high school and the things he hears Hansol or the Chwes say about what you are doing or where you are.

He knew it would be nice to catch up and spend time with you because you’ve always gotten along and you were always nice to him. He hadn’t expected his decade-old crush to creep back into his heart the moment he laid eyes on you, but it did. Chan doesn’t know what to do with these feelings so for now, he’ll squash them down the same way he has since he was ten. He’s more than used to it by now.

“My Y/n!”

It’s the first thing out of your mom’s mouth when she opens the front door, sweeping you up into a hug. She rocks you back and forth telling you how much she missed you.

“Wow, she never hugs me like that,” Hansol murmurs behind you as he steps inside and starts taking his shoes off.

“Oh, hush Sollie! I saw you two weeks ago. I haven’t seen your sister in two years!”

She does end up reaching over to pull Hansol into a hug of his own, once she decides you can breathe again. Your stepdad follows a minute after, hugging you for a much more normal amount of time, but also makes sure to let you know he’s personally offended that you haven’t been home in so long.

As anticipated, your mom has a full spread of food waiting on the table and ushers you and Hansol to sit and eat. Also as expected, she gives you the third degree, wanting to know about your work, your plans, and everything in between, which includes your nonexistent love life. You appease her and keep it short and simple: you’re hearing from Jinah soon about a position, you plan on doing that for at least the next year or two to save up enough money to move into a place of your own, and you’re single and have been for months.

This turns into an almost two-hour visit. If your parents aren’t asking you about your travels or asking Hansol about his job, they’re circling back to you and the fact that ‘now that you’re home and getting situated, you can think about eventually settling down. Since you’re almost thirty.’

You keep to yourself that you have had pretty lackluster luck when it comes to dating overall, but your mom still finds opportunities to sprinkle in that she could ask around to her friends about whose sons may be single, and you tell her you don’t need the help (even though you know she’ll likely do it anyway).

Eventually, you manage to get your parents to talk about themselves and get them to update you on things in the house they’re fixing up, how your dad is doing at work, and some new crochet projects your mom is working on.

Even though they can smother you at times, you know they both do what they do out of love - especially your mom. You did miss your parents at the end of the day and they mean well. They love you and Hansol and have missed you terribly - the latter a fact that your mom made sure to reiterate over and over again.

Before you leave, your mom repeats how happy she is that you’re back home, especially in time for the holidays, and truthfully, so are you. You love holidays because you love decorating and you love all of the themed things that come with holidays. Hansol mentions that he and Chan have never really worried about decorating their apartment, which you immediately informed him will change this year. You plan on decorating the apartment for Halloween and will turn it into a winter wonderland come November. Your brother knows you well enough not to argue and simply laughs, shrugging and telling you to go crazy.

After you finally manage to escape from your parents’ house, you and Hansol split up. He’s going to meet up with some friends and will meet you at home later, he says. You take a cab for the short ride to the coffee shop you and Jinah are meeting at and you notice you’ve arrived first when you don’t see anyone that resembles her.

You’ve only sat down for less than a minute when she sweeps into the shop with her long coat, big sunglasses, and beanie. She slips the sunglasses down her nose and peers around before meeting your eyes. A smile breaks out across her red-painted lips and she rushes over to you. She looks as pretty as she did growing up and it warms your heart. It makes complete sense that she’s such a prolific model now.

“Y/n!” She says your name when making it to the table and pulling you into a hug.

“Hey, Jinah! It’s so good to see you!”

“You too! It’s been too long and I hate it.” She pouts at you as she moves to her seat, shedding her coat, and hanging it on the back of her chair.

“I know, I know. But I’m here now.”

“You are and you’re gonna get sick of seeing me so much! Especially, if you get a spot at the company! I’m still waiting for my boss to get back to me about your resume.”

“Ugh, I hope it’s soon. I’m not picky about what’s open honestly, I just need something.”

“Well you know I’ll call you as soon as I get some info. I’m sure they’ll hire you. I’m noted as your referral and everyone loves me there!”

Before you dive into more chit chat, you pause the conversation, wanting to order coffee. Jinah takes your order and goes to the counter herself, quickly coming back with two hot cups of caffeine.

“Okay, so no more work talk. How is it living with a couple of twenty-something boys after jetsetting all around the world?”

“Not so bad really. The apartment is surprisingly clean and put together. Me and Hansol have always been close, you know so it’s good so far. And Chan is cool - we’ve always gotten along. He was always around growing up so I’m used to having him in my space anyway. He’s different now of course, but uh, yeah you know.”

You stumble, just slightly on your last sentence and something flashes in Jinah’s eyes, her perfectly waxed brows rising almost immediately. You forgot about the fact that no matter how long you two spend apart, she’s still your best friend and she knows you almost as well as she knows herself.

“He’s different?” There’s a tilt in her voice that you don’t recall having in your words.

“I didn’t say it like that!”

“Yes, the hell you did! He’s different how? All I remember about your brother’s best friend is some skinny, big-headed kid that followed us around at school and whenever I was over your house.”

You bite your lip, assessing Jinah and if there’s any way you can steer the conversation elsewhere.

No such luck arrives for you though as she sits there, unwavering as she patiently waits for you to tell her the truth. You already know she won’t leave it alone if you don’t.

Begrudgingly, you give in, letting out a heavy sigh. “Fine, whatever, he’s fucking hot now, okay?! I’ve only been there like three days and any time I run into him he’s nothing but polite and considerate. He’s always been nice but he’s mature now. It’s just so different.”

“Hmph. So, you think he’s mature and polite and hot now? Got it.” She nods, taking a sip of her coffee, and swallowing slowly before speaking. “So do you think you’ll finally give him a chance?”

“Absolutely not! He’s younger than me and not only my brother’s best fucking friend but we’re roommates now. The level of messiness went from 80% to 180% if something goes wrong between us.”

“Yeah, but the chances of things going well also go from 80% to 180% too, right?”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“But you’re both adults! What does it matter? Do you think Hansol will care?”

“I don’t know. But again, the main problem is if Chan and I only end up being a hookup or one of us wants something that the other doesn’t then living with the man will be incredibly awkward, and once again, he and my brother are best friends. Things won’t only be awkward for us, but I don’t want to drag Sol into that mess either. So it’s in everyone’s best interest that I keep my mouth and my legs closed and don’t even think about trying anything with Chan.”

Jinah hums and clearly disagrees but she doesn’t press it. Not that she has to because just like she knows you, you know her, and you know she has so many objections rattling around in her head.

“Anyway, time to hear about you! Tell me about your love life! Is it busy? Are you seeing anyone? Are you sleeping with anyone? I want to know everything about Im Jinah’s romantic endeavors.”

Your best friend clicks her tongue at you, noticing the obvious conversation redirect, but she obliges. She talks about a guy she’s mentioned to you before that she works with that she’s been on a few dates with. As an aside, she mentions that there are plenty of hot, single people at her company that you’ll run into, but you wave that part off.

She mentions that she needs to go shopping this upcoming weekend for a Halloween costume for a party a friend of hers is throwing at the end of October. She also addsthat you too, will be going to said party with her.

“I am?”

“You are. So, this weekend we’ll be getting costumes. A guy I’ve done a ton of ads and shoots with has a party every year and you’ll be my plus one! He’s super nice and pretty wealthy so his place is really nice.”

You do love Halloween and you haven’t really gotten to do much to celebrate it the last handful of years, so you agree to go, even though you knew she would’ve hounded you about going for days anyway. You saved both of you some trouble.

On the topic of Christmas, the two of you get caught up in talking about needing to figure out what to get people and when to go shopping to get ahead of it. You easily fall into conversation with your best friend, your subject changing every few minutes as you laugh and properly get caught up until you’ve both got two empty coffee cups each.

Eventually, Jinah glances at her watch and curses.

“Damn, I’ve got another meeting to run to. My manager and I have been meeting with a few magazines for some last-minute holiday ads they want to shoot for. “I’ll be sure to badger her about any news on your resume okay?”

You and Jinah exchange your goodbyes and you promise to chat in a few days if you don’t hear from her sooner. Even though she’s busy, she cites she’ll still be sure to make time for the two of you to hang out more. You both walk out of the shop together and with a goodbye hug, you both go your separate ways. Her to grab a taxi and you to the train station to head back home.

Chan really thought he was done with big life revelations. His last and biggest was deciding that college and a traditional degree weren’t what he wanted. After that, a bunch of smaller decisions hit him but no combination of realizations, big or small, could’ve prepared him for the fact that he’s still hopelessly in love with the same girl for the last almost fifteen years.

But seeing you again was like someone doused him with a gallon of cold water to the face. Shocking and jarring and nothing could’ve prepared him. Not for the way his eyes almost bugged out of his head upon seeing you again after what felt like far too long or the way his palms got sweaty just being close to you, even though he had just finished a shower before seeing you.

Chan was so sure that he was over you. He’s had plenty of partners over the years. Some serious and some not so much, but he doesn’t think he’s ever compared any of those people to you. It’s been years so surely he isn’t still hung up on his best friend’s older sister.

Unfortunately for him, that is exactly what he is and he’s not sure what to do with this information. A tiny voice in the back of his mind keeps telling him he’s a loser for not being over his childhood crush who has never reciprocated the feelings anyway. Never once have you made any indication that you thought of Chan the same, so it’s not as though you’re going to magically do it now…right?

His mind is so wrapped up in you that he keeps fumbling with the moves he practices at work in preparation for a dance class in a few days. He lets out another frustrated huff as he watches himself in the mirror trip over his feet yet again.

Chan’s close friend and co-choreographer at the studio walks over to the boombox at the side of the room, cutting off the music and staring him down.

“Okay, where’s your head, Chan?” Soonyoung looks at him pointedly. “You’ve been distracted since you get here and keep fucking up.” He waits for an answer, hands on his hips.

Chan hesitates for a moment, wondering if he wants to repeat his early years - where he would tell anyone who would listen that he was in love with Y/n Chwe. This is different though, this is his friend checking on him so he decides to tell Soonyoung.

“The girl I’ve loved since I was ten is back in town.”

“Okay?”

“And I still love her.”

“And? You’re both adults now so you can do something about it right?”

“And she’s living with me. We’re roommates now.”

“And?” Soonyoung rolls his eyes, still not seeing too much of an issue with this.

“She, uh, she’s Hansol’s sister.”

Soonyoung cocks his head to the side in thought. “Okay…well what’s the problem? Hansol is super chill. Do you think he’ll be mad about it?”

“I don’t know. I know Hansol more than almost anybody, but for some reason, I’m still really stressed about how he’ll react.”

“You could always ask him?” Soonyoung tries, offering Chan a bottle of water from the cooler across the room.

“I don’t know. I mean, even if I do and he’s okay with it, what if I ask her out and she says no? She had never liked me like that when we were young. I was always just her brother’s snot-nosed best friend.”

“I get being worried about that, but you’re grown now. Maybe things can be different?”

“Yeah, but if she turns me down, I don’t want to make things awkward for us all living together. And even if I am in some bizarre universe where she is into me too, I could very well fuck this up and she’ll want nothing to do with me and we’ll break up and it’ll still be awkward and then Hansol could not want to be my friend anymore or want me to move out and then what?” Chan ends his rant with a grunt, sliding against the mirror until he plops onto the hardwood floor. Soonyoung comes over and joins him, sitting cross-legged next to his friend.

“This has really been on your mind huh?”

“Hard for it not to be when she is as beautiful as always and sleeping in the room right next to me now.”

“Well, even though I’ve never been through something like this, my advice? Maybe try to just take it slow. Hang out with her more, test the waters, and see if she reciprocates. If so, then either keep getting closer or ask her out and go from there. What’s the point in constant what-ifs you know? Maybe you’re getting a second chance now that you’re both adults and in good places in your life. And sure you might fuck it up, but you also might not. You’ll never know if you don’t try.” Soonyoung shrugs, taking a gulp of water.

Chan side-eyes his friend, genuinely surprised at his words.

“Since when did you turn into a relationship expert with actual good advice?”

Soonyoung chokes on his water, coughing loudly to recover. “What do you mean actual good advice?! I give good advice all the time!”

“Tsk, just like that so-called, good advice you gave me that one time we went to the club and you told me I should start a dance battle with that girl that was flirting with me?”

The man looks genuinely offended, hand flying to his chest in surprise.

“First of all, I was drunk! Second of all, that was a good idea. She said she liked dancers!”

“Yeah, but I think she meant slow, sensual dancing like we had been doing all night before you swooped in with your so-called, good advice.”

“Whatever! Don’t take my advice and pine over this woman for another decade. Just decide so you can stop fucking up this dance!” Soonyoung pushes him over, making him land on his side, but the push is more playful than anything.

While Soonyoung may not have a great track record of steering Chan in the right direction, he mulls it over for the rest of the day after getting back to practicing. He ultimately decides that maybe Soonyoung is right. He won’t do anything weird or out of the ordinary. He’ll just be himself and try to spend more time with you and hopefully be able to show you the real him. The him that’s a mid-twenties career man with a plan and a future, who’s much more mature than from when you used to know him.

If he’s lucky, he won’t make a fool out of himself and if you’re not into him still, you’ll at least let him down gently. If he’s super lucky, you’ll feel the same way about him and he’ll finally get to call you his.

He’s not going to hold his breath, but he’ll regret it once again if he doesn’t at least try with you, unlike he failed to do when he was young and dumb.

Getting the call three days later from Jinah that you got a job at her agency was the best news you’ve gotten in a very long time. Her boss manages to get you a role in their travel department. You’d be working with the assistants of the models to help get their travel booked, manage their transportation, and help arrange all things travel related. While you don’t have any office experience, your flight attendant experience seems to be enough to get you into the role and you weren’t about to argue with that.

As soon as you start, you consider yourself lucky that you seem to fall into the team you’re on easily. It’s not difficult to get comfortable and find your place which makes getting settled all that much simpler. Plus, the pay is decent, and even a little more than what you previously made, so you can’t complain about that.

Jinah uses the Halloween party she told you about as an excuse to go out with you again and an excuse to celebrate your job. Hansol and Chan had already gotten you a small cake to celebrate which was extremely sweet, so you don’t mind celebrating with Jinah.

The cake, you learn in passing from Hansol, was Chan’s idea. It’s only one thing on the long list of ways that Chan has succeeded in getting closer to you over the weeks that it takes you to get settled in. You’ve spent time with Chan as a kid when he was around all the time, but you really get the chance to know him now that you’re adults living together.

You learn most, if not all of his likes and dislikes. His favorite colors, favorite foods, movies he likes, and celebrities he can’t stand (his one-sided rivalry with Lee Byunghun is especially funny to you since he also compliments his acting whenever one of his movies is on). He’s constantly making you laugh, always asking how your day was when you see each other in the evenings, and he always says good morning and asks how you slept when you get up for the day. On nights when he has to get dinner for you all, he always asks if there’s any food you're craving because he promises he’ll pick it up or make it (and he always does every time).

On the weekends, when you’re home relaxing and sleeping in, and if he works, he has started to call home often and ask if you need him to grab anything on the way home, be it medicine, food, a video rental, or anything in between. Chan makes it a habit to check in with you even more than your brother, which Hansol calls out one night over dinner. Chan’s cheeks go red and he throws a wayward shrimp at his best friend but doesn’t deny it, citing that he just wants to help you be comfortable.

If he isn’t checking on you or buying you small things, he’s making sure your laundry is washed if he’s doing his and that your favorite mug (the yellow one with the fried eggs print all over it) is always washed. He makes sure your favorite snacks are in the apartment and that you’re never without anything you need - even finding out your preferred brand of tampons and pads and wordlessly getting them for you.

By the time the end of October rolls around, you’ve been living with Chan and your brother for a month and your feelings for Chan are only growing, much to your utter dismay. You don’t want to like him, for the multitude of reasons you’ve already outlined in your head and to Jinah, but he makes it damn near impossible. If he’s not being the most sweet and polite man you’ve ever been around, he’s walking around the apartment shirtless from time to time or coming back from the gym or work sweaty and flushed with his arms on display.

He constantly treats you like a true gentleman would, carrying groceries for you and doing any heavy lifting around the apartment that comes up. It may be the bare minimum, but Chan treats you better as someone you’re not dating than anyone you actually have dated. You’re in a constant battle between your coochie and your heart about your array of feelings for Lee Chan and it’s only serving to drive you crazier each day.

On the night of Halloween, when Jinah is in your room with you getting ready for her friend’s party, she teases that Chan may not be able to hold himself back when he sees you.

“I don’t know, Y/n. Your ass does look really good in this jumpsuit.” You admire your figure in your mirror, admiring how the soft yet clingy fabric does, in fact, do your ass justice.

You and Jinah decided to go with a theme for your costumes. She’s going as an angel, complete with a white mini-dress, wings, and a halo. You went with a devil, the red, clingy jumpsuit you wear hugs every part of your body that you’d wanna show off and the zipper in the front is open just enough to accentuate your cleavage. The horns attached to the headband on your head sit comfortably and are the finishing touch.

Yes, you’re not supposed to want Chan to like you because it’ll make it that much harder for you, but you don’t mind the idea of him looking.

“Ready?” You ask when you’re finally done with your makeup, making sure your red lipstick is perfect.

“Yep! Let me call a car for us!” You and Jinah leave your room and she fishes her Nokia from her white bag.

When you step into the living room, you nearly trip over your feet upon seeing Chan lounging on the couch, flipping through TV channels. You know he and Hansol are also going out tonight to their friend Junhui’s Halloween party, but you hadn’t discussed your costumes.

His black t-shirt is as tight as your jumpsuit is and displays every muscle and ripple in his arms and chest and you even swear you can make out the faint outline of his abs. The black pants he wears are baggy since he’s dressed as a firefighter, but the fabric stretches over his thighs as he spreads his legs, and the suspenders that keep those pants up stir something feral within you. It takes every ounce of willpower not to go over and mount yourself in his lap right then and there.

Chan notices you both come in and hurries to sit up, making room on the couch for you. He seems to take notice of your costume and you watch as his eyes sweep over you from head to toe, unabashed and almost forgetting (or uncaring) that you can see him checking you out.

“Hey! You, uh, you look amazing.” He blurts, eyes still locked onto you. Jinah clears her voice from next to you and Chan seems to then remember that someone else is in the room. “Er, ah, you both do!” He adds, eyes flickering to your best friend who just snorts.

“Thanks, Chan. Our ride is here though, so I do have to steal her away now.”

“Ah, okay. Sure. I’ll see you later tonight, Y/n. Have fun and you both stay safe, okay?”

You nod, telling him to do the same. You catch sight of your brother as you and Jinah are on your way to the door. His Ghostface robe drags on the carpet as he comes down the hall.

Once you and Jinah slide into the car, and she gives the driver the address, she gives you a look.

“Don’t,” you say, stopping her before she can say what you already know she will.

“What?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’?”

“Don’t say it.”

“Don’t say what? That Chan got real-time tunnel vision checking you out in your costume and that he forgot I was even in the room.”

“Yes, that! Don’t say that!”

She shrugs, reaching into her bag and pulling out her compact to check her reflection.

“Okay. I won’t say it. I don’t really need to since you know.”

You did, of course, you did. You could feel the heat in his gaze when he looked at you, but you remind yourself that you can’t do anything more than look. Maybe if you’re lucky, someone at this party can distract you.

Truth be told, when you longed for someone at this party to distract you from Chan, you were only putting it into the universe and just keeping your fingers crossed. You didn’t think you’d actually find someone else to catch your interest. You didn’t anticipate that Jinah’s model friend that owns the large, expertly decorated house would take an interest in you, and yet he did the moment you met him.

“Minhyuk, this is my best friend, Y/n! Y/n, this is Lee Minhyuk. Y/n just moved back to Seoul after traveling for work.”

Minhyuk wastes no time in bowing to you before grabbing your hand and placing a kiss on the top of it.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Y/n. Any friend of Jinah is a friend of mine.” The handsome man smiles widely at you, making you swoon on the spot. “Especially a friend as stunning as you.”

One look at this buff, beautiful man with perfect hair, perfect teeth, and a perfect face and you’re not surprised in the slightest that he’s a model. You’re sure he can get any woman that he wants and that his charms work on anyone he flashes a brilliant smile to. You’re annoyed that he’s having the same effect on you the more he talks to you and stays by your side for the first hour of the party. You chalk it up to having been single for so long and on your repressed desire for Chan, but you let Minhyuk flirt with you and drape his arm over your shoulder as he asks you about your flight attendant days.

Jinah stays with you both for a while after introducing you, but when it seems obvious that Minhyuk is making heart eyes at you, she excuses the two of you momentarily, pulling you aside.

“Hey, are you okay?!” She says as best as she can in your ear. The music from the sound system in the next room is quieter in the dining room you’re standing in, but is still turned up to a booming volume.

“Yeah, I’m good!”

“You sure? He’s hitting on you pretty hard. He’s a good guy but say the word and we’re out of here.” You mull your next words and decisions over, ultimately deciding to stay and see where things go with Minhyuk. You had asked the universe for a distraction on your way and here it is so why pass it up?

“I’m sure. If I need you or want out, I’ll tell you.” Jinah gives you another firm look before relenting and going with you back to Minhyuk’s side.

An hour later Minhyuk offers to show you around his house. Jinah stares at you, trying to gauge your reaction. You’re sure this will end up with the two of you somewhere in this house, presumably naked, but you decide that’s exactly what you need.

Minhyuk keeps his arm draped over your shoulders as she gives you a tour of his house, avoiding all of the drunken party goers and horny couples making out as you go. Almost every room in his house has people packed into it. His den, his game room, his second living room, and all four of his guest rooms. The only room that has no one else in it is his bedroom which is where you ultimately end up.

“Your house is very fancy,” you compliment, looking around his bedroom. The bed is bigger than even some of the hotel beds you’ve slept in. The duvet is soft under your palms as you sit on the edge and lean back on your hands. Art hangs on the walls and he has two dressers that you can see. You can’t see into the bathroom across the room, but the tub you catch sight of has to be able to fit at least four people.

“Thank you, I’m glad you like it. How’s the bed?” Minhyuk smirks at you from across the room, leaning against a tall dresser. The scrubs of his doctor costume are standard, save for the fact that the top is sleeveless. He crosses his arms and you see how every muscle flexes and twitches under his tan skin

“Mmm, it’s pretty soft. Your duvet is nice.” You cross and uncross your legs, watching as the model follows your movements with his eyes.

“Yeah? The sheets are even better.”

“You don’t say?”

“Yeah. They’re real silk. And temperature controlled so they’re the perfect coolness and won’t make you hot.” As he speaks he stalks towards you, tossing aside the surgical mask that has been hanging under his chin since you met him.

“Oh? They sound expensive.”

“They are. And they feel like a cloud. Wanna feel them?” Minhyuk is standing in front of you now, his knee resting against the edge of the bed between your legs, waiting for your next words.

You don’t leave him waiting for long, as you breathe out an “I’d love to,” and he immediately bends forward, hands grabbing your face to pull you into a heated kiss. Your hands reach out to grasp at his arms, nails lightly digging into the firm flesh.

Minhyuk grunts into your mouth, fully climbing onto the bed to hover over your body. One hand stays on your cheek while the other travels down your body, grabbing and squeezing as he settles on your hip.

His tongue slips into your mouth when you separate your lips to take in a breath. Your bodies move together as you shuffle backward up the bed a little, giving him more room to drape his body over yours and kneel between your legs. He presses his pelvis forward, the movement causing him to brush against you, the clothed tip of his hardening length grazing your crotch.

The sensation makes him groan and pause for a moment, his tongue and body stilling. A jolt of confidence rushes over you, making you shift underneath him and flip him onto his side. You quickly push him all the way onto his back and crawl into his lap.

“Mmm maybe I like this view more than you under me,” he mumbles, admiring the new position. He only gets a moment to take it in before you’re leaning down to kiss him again, your fingers brushing through his dark hair. Minhyuk’s hands move down your back to grip your ass.

Your make out session lasts for a few minutes, your mind finally slipping away from everything else that has been tumbling around in your brain. At some point, Minhyuk pulls away with a gasp and quickly peels his top off, tossing it aside before leaning back and letting you ogle him.

Your mouth drops at the sight of him, all chiseled muscle and rippling abs. You gawk for only a moment before your brain decides to remind you of the way that Chan looks without a shirt. He’s also muscular but in a much softer way. Chan’s abs are lightly defined and his pecs are still visible. You also always find your way back to thinking of that day when he had just gotten out of the shower, of the small happy trail that runs down, down, down to where you can’t see. You wonder how soft that dusting of hair is.

Minhyuk momentarily pushes away your Chan imagery when he reaches up to grab your face to pull you back down to kiss him again. Your hands stretch out to steady yourself, finding purchase on his biceps. The hard muscles twitch under your fingers and you squeeze in return. Immediately, you’re reminded of how soft Chan’s biceps and arms are.

A week ago the two of you had run into each other in the hallway of the apartment. You were leaving when he was rounding the corner, coming back from the gym. He had a tank top on and when he appeared in front of you, you both jumped, yelping in surprise. You had reached your hands out by instinct, with the intention of doing what you’re not sure, but when you noticed it was Chan at the last minute your hands unfurled from fists and gripped his arms to steady yourself.

His arms were built, but still so soft and smooth under your hands. That feeling has stayed with you even now as you think about Chan and his arms while another man is kissing your neck.

All of a sudden, you wonder what it would feel like if Chan was the one that was under you and if he was the one whose lips were pressing kisses on your throat instead.

Minhyuk’s fingers walk their way to the front of your jumpsuit and he flicks at the zipper that keeps your outfit secure. Before he has a chance to unzip it, his bedroom door bursts open and a woman stands in the doorway, yelling his name angrily.

The intrusion makes you jump, jerking too far back and toppling backward onto the floor.

“Shit, Y/n! You okay?!” Minhyuk jumps up and offers you his hand, being nice enough to at least check on you.

“Minhyuk, what the fuck?!” The woman screeches again, stomping over to him and shoving his chest. “I’ve been walking around this stupid party looking for you for like half an hour! You invited me tonight just to run off and fuck someone else?!”

“Hyoseong, I’m sorry, I-” Hyoseong cuts him off by shoving him backward, making him lose his balance and fall back onto the bed. He’s too close to the corner of the bed though, because he keeps going and falls back off the side, yelping the whole time.

Hyoseong smirks, satisfied as she watches him before turning her gaze to you still standing there awkwardly. The flame in her eyes diminishes and is replaced with concern.

“He’s not worth it, I promise. All he knows how to do is fuck every girl he looks at and lead you on!” She screams that last part at him before turning and storming back out of the room.

Embarrassment is written all over Minhyuk’s face as he scrambles up and gives you a sheepish smile. He opens his mouth to say something, but you speak first.

“Don’t even try it.” You stick your palm out at him, stopping him from responding.

He listens, not saying anything as you leave the room and beeline back downstairs in search of Jinah. You find her in the kitchen talking to a few other girls and when she sees you, she immediately rushes over to you, worry written all over her face. You reassure her that you’re okay and tell her about Hyoseong and she gasps.

“Fuck, I thought they broke up! Ugh, Y/n, I’m so sorry. I’ll go kick his ass right now!” She looks over your shoulder for him, but you stop her. This is clearly a story you’ll have to ask her about on another day. Right now, all you want to do is go home, shower, and flop into bed.

She doesn’t let you convince her to stay and have fun and is already calling a car for you both. You ride together and you tell her what was going through your head when you were hooking up with Minhyuk and she just nods, letting you pour out your garbled thoughts.

Of course, her response is to act on these feelings, but you quickly shut that down, reminding her of the list of reasons that you cannot act on said feelings. As she’s gotten accustomed to doing, she rolls her eyes and tells you that you’re thinking too much into this.

The conversation dies when you pull up at home, thanking her for the ride and hurrying out before she can keep bringing it up.

Chan is fucked. That’s all he thinks when he and Hansol get to Junhui’s party. Ever since you left, all that his brain plays on a loop is you in that red jumpsuit. It is long sleeved and the bottom of the pants are flared, but the fabric hugs you in every way imaginable. The only things he wanted to look at was the curve of your hips, the swell of your breasts, and the way it framed your ass as you left.

He knows that the image of you in that costume is all he’ll think about for not only the rest of the night but quite possibly for the rest of his life. He did his very best not to make it obvious he was checking you out, but in his defense, he swears he also saw your eyes stay too long on his chest and his thighs.

As the month has ticked by living with you, Chan has only fallen for you even more than he thought was possible. Everything you do and say makes his heart race. Every time he sees you, he wants to hold and kiss you, no matter what time of day it is. You look just as beautiful waking up as you do going to sleep.

He’s whipped and he hasn’t even told you that he’s still in love with you.

He knows he only has eyes for you because he spends the first hour of the party talking with his friends and sipping on a drink, but he still keeps going back to you in his mind. He knows he is especially hopeless when a cute girl approaches him and asks him to dance. He forgets her name as soon as she says it (Yerim maybe?) and even though she looks incredibly sexy in her little black dress and cat ears, the only thing Chan can see is you when he closes his eyes.

Even when she drags him to the living room to dance and presses her body close to his, he wishes it was you that was rubbing your ass against his crotch. Chan wonders what you’re doing right now and if you’re dancing with someone else just like this. He beats himself up at the thought, chiding himself for not asking you to come to this party instead or even to stop by after the one you’re at now. Even though Jinah asked you to her friend’s party first, he still should’ve brought it up, but he was too nervous you’d turn him down. He hates the idea of you looking that stunning and having other people look at you or touch you. He wants you so bad, in any way you’ll have him, and he doesn’t care how pathetic that sounds.

The cat girl seems to take notice that Chan is distracted as his arms lay limp on her hips. She turns around, draping her arms around his neck and pressing her tits against his chest. Her wide brown eyes blink up at him and her black painted lips curl up in a smile. She’s really cute, Chan can admit - like really cute - but she’s also not you. Before he can think anymore, she’s on her tiptoes, placing a kiss on his lips.

Any other time, he doesn’t think he’d turn down a cute girl that is so obviously into him and he certainly wouldn’t turn away from a kiss, but this time is different. This time, Chan only thinks of you and wishes this was you. That’s why he doesn’t make much effort to kiss her back. Not a single spark pops between him and the cat girl. She quickly gets tired of his lack of enthusiasm, soon pulling away and turning in a huff to leave him standing in the middle of the living room.

Chan watches her go, his eyes looking around the room and it hits him how much he doesn’t actually want to be here. He’d much rather be back at home, sitting on the couch with you watching late night sitcoms like the two of you have fallen into the habit of doing.

He’s only at the party for a couple of hours, before he finds Hansol in the kitchen, letting him know that he doesn’t feel very party-like anymore and decides to go home. Hansol is right in the middle of racing with their friend Seokmin, trying to shotgun a beer faster than him, but when he wins, he gives Chan his attention.

“Are you sure? You want me to go with you?”

“Nah, I’m good. Stay. I’m just gonna shower and probably chill.”

“Alright, dude. Can you just keep an eye out for Y/n when you get back?”

Hansol doesn’t have to ask twice. Even if he hadn’t asked once, Chan would’ve looked out for you anyway. It’s why after he’s showered and gotten a snack, he goes to the couch instead of his bed. He assumes you won’t be home until it’s late, but if he’s lucky he’ll catch a glimpse of you before you go to bed and will make sure you’re safe.

He’ll also get one more look at your costume which isn’t as important as making sure you’re safe, but it’s absolutely something he’s looking forward to.

When you get home, you’re surprised to see that the TV in the living room is on. When you round the corner you see Chan sitting on the couch, under a blanket with popcorn in hand and eyes wide in surprise at seeing you.

“Hey, Y/n! You’re home early.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t really feeling like being at a party anymore. Too people-y. I’m surprised you’re here though.”

Chan shrugs, “I guess I wasn’t feeling like being at a party either.”

You hum, glancing at the space on the couch he makes for you. “I’m gonna shower and put on my pajamas. Mind if I hang out here with you when I’m done? I’m not that tired yet.”

“Yeah! I mean, uh, yeah of course you can.” He clears his throat, eyes still flickering between you and the TV.

“Great. I’ll be quick and then we can watch a movie?” Chan nods and shamelessly watches you go when you hurry down the hall and into the bathroom.

You remove your makeup and shower faster than you think you ever have, eager to spend the evening with Chan.

Once your most comfortable pajamas are on, you join him, plopping next to him on the couch.

“So, what’re we watching?”

“Scream?”

“Oh, yes! Both of them?”

“Sure.”

Chan starts the movie already in the VCR and passes you the bowl in his hands which you eagerly accept. As the movie goes on, you both start on your respective sides of the couch. It isn’t until you’re halfway through the first movie that you have half a mind to notice that your leg brushes against Chan’s each time you adjust. At first, you jump at the contact, and he seems to as well, both of you shifting away embarrassedly.

That only lasts for a small amount of time though, because by the end of the movie, you’re both close again and the bowl of popcorn you’ve been sharing is empty. After Chan gets up and puts in the second movie, he comes back to the couch and sits down, this time close enough that your thighs touch and neither of you moves.

You continue to stay close to one another as you watch the movie and eventually, you’re so close that you’re practically cuddling. You’re not, but you may as well. Seeing how at some point, you end up falling asleep with your head on Chan’s shoulder and his arm draped around your waist.

You only know this to be the case when you’re woken up sometime later, Hansol’s voice rousing you out of your sleep. When you open your eyes, the first thing you see is Ghostface staring down at you, causing you to scream, jolting into Chan’s lap and making the man jolt awake too. His eyes meet Ghostface standing in front of you both, also making him shriek and grasp onto you for protection.

Hansol lets out a chuckle, and lifts the mask, taking in the terror written on his roommates’ faces.

“It’s just me.”

“Jesus, Sol! You could’ve taken the damn mask off before you scared the shit out of us.”

You toss a pillow at him, hitting him in the gut, but he doesn't flinch.

“Nah this was more fun.” He dodges the second pillow that Chan tries to smack him with and says goodnight to you both as he sprints down the hall.

Once he’s gone, you both realize that you’re still partially in Chan’s lap and he still has an arm around you. You sit up quickly, sharing an awkward laugh with him as you get up, announcing that you’ll start to clean up. Chan helps and you tidy up the living room and cut the TV off, refolding the blanket you shared and saying goodnight before you go your separate ways to your rooms.

Your words are awkward, but neither of you can get over how warm and right it felt being so close. You tell yourself to forget it as you get into bed, reminding yourself that you can’t do that again.

Meanwhile, Chan can’t help but wonder if you’re thinking about him too, just like he’s thinking about you and the way you smell and how much he wants to hold you like that again one day.

He’s not sure if that’ll be a reality for him, but he can only hope so.

November is halfway over when you think that maybe you can finally, fully and unabashedly admit that you like Lee Chan. After Halloween night when you fell asleep together, you’ve only been spending more time with him and getting to know more about him. The problem is, the more you get to know Chan, the more you’re unable to ignore the rapidly growing crush on him.

You want to date him and have sex with him and kiss him. You want to hold his hand when you're grocery shopping or if you’re both in the same room. You want to hug him when you’re sitting next to each other on the couch or on the floor. You want to sleep in the same bed with him, cuddle against his chest, and wake up next to him the following morning.

You admit this to Jinah one day over lunch and she isn’t the least bit surprised. She’s stopped being so enthusiastic about you admitting your feelings for and to Chan, but you already know that’s what she wants to tell you to do whenever you talk about him or she sees you looking at him if you’re all in the same room.

It gets worse when you and Chan spend a day together decorating the apartment for Christmas. He helps you get the tree - a small plastic, realistic looking one since none of you want to deal with the work of a real one - decorate it, and hang up other decorations around the apartment. It all feels so incredibly domestic, similar to all of the cheesy rom coms you’ve had to watch on long flights around this time of year. Of course Hansol is there helping too, but he doesn’t seem to get in between the two of you when you stand too close or reach for the same ornaments.

Well, it’s more likely that he literally doesn’t even notice, but it’s still very cozy and special nonetheless.

Either way, Chan only continues to prove himself as the sweetest, most caring man you’ve ever been around and it’s only serving to stoke the fire that is your feelings for him. It was getting harder and harder to separate those feelings until you simply can’t deny them anymore.

You’re not alone in this want and desire. Every day that Chan has to see you and spend time with you, he only falls for you more. He thought his feelings were rough to grapple with when he was a kid, but this is different. Now that he’s spent so much time with you as adults, getting to know any and everything about you, it only cements his love for you into his heart.

This only makes things harder for him. He’s been trying to take Soonyoung’s advice and show more of the true him to you and he can’t tell if it’s working or not. You seem to enjoy being around him and he knows that at times he’s seen your eyes stray over his body. It’s not enough to make him brave enough to make any moves yet, but he thinks about it constantly. What if he’s reading the signals wrong? What if you’re just really nice and a good roommate and you don’t feel anything remotely romantic for him?

It’s that doubt and fear that has him keeping his mouth shut. Instead, he just constantly thinks about every part of you that he likes (which is everything, to be honest). He thinks about how pretty you are and how soft your skin is. He’s been lucky enough to accidentally knock into you or brush arms or thighs on occasion and every time he feels electricity throughout his body. He constantly thinks about how good you smell and how he can rank a list of all of his favorite outfits that you own. He thinks about your smile and your laugh and the way your expressions change when you experience different emotions.

Lee Chan is in love with you. Always has been and at this rate, probably always will be. He wants to be with you in every way possible. You’re always on his mind, but when he’s in bed, with only a single wall separating you both, he can’t help but think of other things that he likes about you.

Like how pretty your lips are when he sees you wrap them around a bottle or lick stray food from your fingers. Or how tempting your legs look when the heat in the apartment is a little too warm and you wear small sleep shorts. Or even the sound of your voice when you talk to him. He can imagine so easily how soft and breathy your voice could sound while you say his name if he was between your legs in either your bed or his.

Chan thinks about all of these things so much more when he wraps his hand around his aching cock and jerks off, wishing that it was your hand, or mouth, or pussy around him instead. He thinks about how much he’d love to watch you fall apart for him and only him.

When he cums all over himself with a whisper of your name on his lips, he starts to feel a little guilty for thinking of you like this but reminds himself that it’s just fantasies and he’s not acting on anything.

Little does he know that you want him to act on all of those things and more. He’s on your mind most nights too and you can’t help but slip your fingers between your legs. You think about his laugh and his wonderful smile and how high pitched his moans probably are and how stunning you know he’d look under you while you ride him. When your fingers are buried inside of yourself knuckle deep, you want so badly for it to be him and his fingers or his cock.

You have similar conflicting feelings after you fall apart, biting down on your lip to stop from crying his name. Guilt washes over you after the orgasm haze lifts and you scold yourself for thinking of him like this when you specifically tell yourself not to. That lasts for a bit until you remind yourself that it’s not like you can act on any of these fantasies so they’re better off as just that.

It's Thursday when snow starts to fall and cover the city of Seoul. You don’t mind too much. You can’t remember the last time you were in a place where you’d have the potential of a snowy Christmas, so you weren’t complaining too much.

Saturday is when the snow stops and sits on the ground like a fresh blanket. Your original plan is to lounge around the apartment and enjoy a day of nothing, the book you’ve been meaning to finish in hand when the phone rings. Your plans are rerouted when Hansol announces that you’re all going ice skating. Seungkwan and his partner want to go to the new outdoor skating rink that recently opened, but they want to invite all of you. You’re prepared to turn down the invitation because you’re cozy and you don’t even know how to skate, until Chan, who’s on the couch next to you playing his Game Boy, looks up and nods. He gives you a sidelong glance to see what your answer will be. The excited look on his face is enough for you to agree.

Half an hour later the three of you are in Hansol’s car and driving to the rink. Seungkwan and his partner are there when you arrive along with their other friend Seokmin who you recognize a little but from high school. Everyone eagerly lines up at the booth to get their rental skates and you lag behind. Chan notices and moves to stand next to you, asking if you’re okay.

“I’m fine I just, I don’t actually know how to skate.”

“Wait, really? Why didn’t you mention that earlier?”

You shrug, taking a step as the line moves. “I don’t know. Everyone seemed excited to come so I didn’t wanna ruin it.” That’s partially true. You also just wanted to spend time with him, but you keep that to yourself.

“Well don’t worry, I’ll help you.”

“Ah, you don’t have to-”

“Nope. I wasn’t asking! I’m telling you that I’ll help.” He gives you a wide smile that makes you melt just as fast as the snow piled under your feet.

When it’s finally your turn for your skates, you ask for your size and Chan insists on paying for your rental with his, ignoring how many times you object. He leads you both to a bench on the side of the rink and helps you lace up your skates. Once they’re on and secure, you adjust your scarf and gloves and wait for him to finish putting his on.

Chan stands first and offers you his gloved hand which you take without much thought. Slowly, he leads you to the entrance of the rink, letting you slowly step out as he skates backward. As soon as your foot makes contact with the ice you almost feel your balance give out, but Chan keeps a strong grip on your hands, helping keep you upright.

“I won’t let you fall. Promise.” He smiles at you again, this time soft and warm and the gesture feels like a comforting hug.

You and Chan do an entire lap around the rink, albeit slowly, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Hansol has already passed you both numerous times, as has Seungkwan, but Chan doesn’t pay them any mind. All of his attention is locked on you and only you.

You manage to do a few more laps, your legs feeling more confident each time. Chan keeps skating backwards with his hands on you, the two of you falling into conversation and laughing the more comfortable you get with him ferrying you around the ice.

Things are going well. Your time with him feels so incredibly right. He seems to be enjoying it too because at some point he shortens the gap between both of you and moves his hands from around yours to your forearms, your biceps, and eventually, his hands are around your waist and yours are draped over his shoulder. The closeness is not exactly normal for two roommates who are not romantically involved, but neither of you moves away.

Your cheeks, nose, and lips are so cold that eventually, you’re ready to call for a break, but then you notice how close Chan is and how red his lips are. He looks cold too and you wonder what will happen if you lean forward and close the already lessening gap.

Chan’s eyes flicker up from your feet to your eyes, and then your lips. You hold your breath in that moment and look between his lips and his eyes. Something between the two of you stirs and you swear you see him inching his face closer and closer.

Before you can finally kiss Chan like you’ve been daydreaming about for the past 2 and a half months, you shift on your left foot which proves to be a horrible idea. You’re falling backward faster than you and Chan can register. You attempt to put your hands back to break your fall which helps because you don’t fall on your ass but you do land on your left wrist with more force than you thought. A sharp, shooting pain runs from your wrist to your elbow making you yelp in pain.

“Y/n!” Chan drops to his knees to check on you and Hansol is at your side in seconds.

“I’m okay, I think I fucked up my wrist though.” They both help you up, each man on either side of you to get you off of the ice. They sit you on a bench and Chan takes off your skates, then his before sprinting to the bench you both started at that still has your boots.

The rest of your group joins you to check in and you notice a few other skaters looking in your direction. In between the pain in your wrist, you feel utter mortification at all of the attention and the way that you busted your ass in front of everyone. Especially given the fact that you swear that you were so close to kissing Chan.

When he comes back with your boots, Chan helps you stand up and announces that he and Hansol will take you to the hospital. You try to object, but they don't want to hear it.

So, you end your day sitting in the hospital getting a wrist brace put on. The doctor says it’s only a mild sprain and all you need to do is wear your brace and use your wrist as little as possible for at least two weeks and you should be just fine.

Even though Chan is in the room when the words “mild sprain” leave the doctor’s mouth, he still treats you as if you have two broken legs and a concussion. He insists on helping you out of the hospital and car and into the apartment. When you sit on the couch he makes sure to prop the throw pillows up under your arm to keep your wrist elevated.

“Chan, my arm won’t fall off.”

“I know, but the doctor recommended keeping it elevated, remember? Now are you hungry? I think we have some leftovers, or if you want me to go out and grab something I can.” He stares at you concerned, waiting for your next order.

Shaking your head you slide over on the couch and gesture to the cushion. “Chan, I promise I’m fine. All I need is for you to sit down and just relax. I ruined skating so try and enjoy the rest of your Saturday.”

“Hey, you didn’t ruin anything! It was an accident. I’m just happy you’re okay.” Chan’s hand lifts and hovers over your good hand sitting on the cushion between the two of you. It’s only for a second because he seems to rather quickly decide against it, letting his hand land in his lap.

He doesn’t think you notice, but you do and it stings, just a little.

Despite the awkwardness that lingers now and again between you and Chan over the next week, he still insists on taking care of you. He ignores your protests for the first two days, so you end up just giving in. You let him do any simple lifting around the apartment, even going as far as to carry your food for you at mealtimes. He’s already been doing a lot of small favors and nice things for you, but he does it even more as your wrist heals. It’s both overwhelming and the most flattering thing anyone has ever done for you.

It’s not helping your emotional battle with your feelings for him in the slightest, but you’re ready to give up and accept it. You’re not sure if he feels the same or not. He was the first to initiate what you truly thought was about to be a kiss at the skating rink, but since that failed spectacularly, you feel like he’s also pulling away a little bit. To you, your relationship has only deepened since you moved in and you two were becoming closer and closer. Now though, even though he practically waits on you hand and foot, he still does it in the most platonic way possible, if that’s even possible. So, feelings you harbor for him aside, you’re stuck holding them to yourself in a vice grip.

Working with your wrist sprained is annoying, to say the least. Your role involves computer and phone usage which isn’t impossible, it just makes you a little slower at doing your day to day since everything has to be done with one hand.

When you hit the middle of your second week in the brace, you feel like your wrist will heal closer to the two weeks. That means that if you’re lucky, you only have three days left to suffer in the brace. You wonder if that means things between you and Chan will continue to change even further, but do your best to fight the spiral you’re about to go on. You’re just happy work is done for the day and you can relax.

“Sol!” When you walk into the apartment it’s the first thing you yell out, waiting for your brother to answer.

“Yeah?”

“Did I get a package today?!” Your very first set of business cards that your boss ordered for you a few weeks ago were supposed to arrive today. Hansol stayed home due to a stomach bug, so he was responsible for getting the mail. It wasn’t anything particularly fun, but you were still excited for your own business cards nonetheless.

“That depends; did you pick up the medicine I asked you to get?” He calls back. You roll your eyes as you kick your shoes off and gently remove your crossbody bag.

“And what if I said I didn’t? What’re you gonna do? Hold my package for ransom in your room?”

“Maybe. Or I hid it somewhere in the apartment and now you have to play hide and seek for it.” He chuckles.

“Hansol Vernon Chwe, if you don’t give me my mail, I will literally take your Game Boy and shove it up my - oh.” Your threat to Hansol vanishes the second you turn the corner into the living room and see a man on your couch that you don’t know. A handsome man at that.

A very handsome man.

“What was that?” Your brother teases you, seeing the way you blink back wordlessly at his friend.

“Nothing, shut up. Here’s your medicine, nerd.” You snap out of it and toss the paper bag at your brother on the couch.

“Thanks. Your package is in your room on your desk.”

“Thanks,” you nod, your eyes shifting back to the man on the couch who’s just been smiling politely at you since you entered, chuckling at your sibling spat.

“This is Joshua, by the way.” Hansol finally says, gesturing to the man next to him. “Josh, this is my sister I told you about.”

“Yeah, I remember her. Hey, Y/n,” Joshua waves at you, his smile lowering but you still notice the way the corners of his lips quirk.

“You remember me?” You ask as you try and wrack your brain for any Joshuas from your past. “Oh! Joshua Hong?!” The minute you remember him, you’re even more shocked at how good looking he is. The once lanky, awkward looking transfer student that your brother befriended in his first year of high school even though Joshua is older than him, is now so much different. He’s filled out more, the t-shirt he’s wearing hugging his torso in the most distracting way possible. His jaw is defined, his hair longer and a soft shade of reddish-brown. He looks like a completely different person in your eyes.

What the fuck is going on with all of your brother’s friends? Why were they all suddenly so goddamn hot?!

“That’s me. It’s been a while, huh?”

“I mean yeah, try almost a decade?” You sit on the couch on the other side of Hansol to catch up. “What have you been up to?”

“Oh, nothing much. I’m finishing my last year of school. I’m getting my bachelor of medicine right now.”

“You’re going to be a doctor?!” You’re surprised, to say the least. From your memory, you can’t remember Joshua being interested in the medical field, but at the same time, you didn’t really know Joshua well enough to recall too much about him.

He lets out a sheepish laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah. I’ll be doing pediatrics. I didn’t anticipate that I’d get into pediatric medicine initially, it’s just what I fell into and I love it.” God, he’s incredibly fine and he’s going to be a doctor? You’ve completely forgotten what you were planning on doing when you get home.

The front door opens then, Chan arriving home from work too. When he comes into the living room he freezes, surprised at the third person on the couch.

“Shua hyung?”

“Hey, Chan!”

“What’re you doing here?”

“Ah, my apartment building is being exterminated and I need to be out for two days and Hansol is gracious enough to let me crash on your couch till it’s done.”

Chan nods, not minding too much until his eyes flicker to you. He immediately notices the way you look at Joshua. He looks at you enough to know most of your facial expressions and the way your eyes inspect Joshua makes it clear you’re looking at him in the complete opposite of a platonic way.

Chan feels something unpleasant stirring in the pit of his stomach that he can’t shake.

It turns out Joshua is much more than just a doctor-to-be with a pretty face the more you talk with him. It should’ve been a little more awkward getting to know him, but it really wasn’t. You have a lot in common and he’s incredibly interesting and charming. He’s easier to get along with than you had anticipated. The two of you end up spending time together while he’s staying over and he also insists on helping you when he can even though, as you remind all of the men in the house, it’s just a minor wrist sprain.

You are lucky that he’s studying medicine because he inspects your wrist while he’s staying with you and reaffirms what the doctor at the hospital said. It’s not that serious and you should be free by the end of the week. Joshua’s hands are so much bigger than yours and they’re so very warm. The way he cradles your injured wrist is delicate and he handles you like the smallest flower. His sweet gestures make you feel warm all over anytime he says something kind to you or helps you.

He’s only on your couch for two days, but it’s long enough that you’re drawn to him. It helps that he is probably one of the most gorgeous men you’ve ever seen, but his personality makes him almost too good to be true. Or you’re just incredibly desperate for someone to give you attention since it seems like Chan has taken a step back from being your nurse or growing closer to you. It hurts a bit, but having Joshua around feels nice and makes you feel a little more cared for.

When it’s the day that Joshua is supposed to be leaving, you both get back from work at the same time. You chat with him while he puts the pillowcase and blanket he used in the laundry and goes into the bathroom to make sure he’s packed all of his toiletries.

As you walk him to the door he thanks you again for letting him stay. Before he leaves though, he stops and takes a few seconds before turning back to you, surprising you.

“Hey, Y/n, I know this will seem completely out of nowhere, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but would you let me take you out sometime?”

You blink back at him, mouth opening into a surprised ‘o.’

“No pressure of course! And I won’t be upset if you say no. You’ve only really been getting to know me for two days, so I wouldn’t blame you at all if it’s a no.”

Even though Joshua seems like an absolute gentleman and has been nothing but nice to you, you still can’t help but pause. Your track record with dating has historically not been very good. Hell, even your last attempt at a hookup failed miserably. Plus, Joshua is another one of your brother’s friends. He’s only a couple of years younger than you, and sure, he doesn’t live with you, but you’d hate to be the reason that any of Hansol’s friendships get ruined.

“Joshua, you’re really sweet, but I’m Hansol’s older sister. I don’t know how he’d feel about that.”

“Okay, that’s a very fair hesitation, but if it helps, I asked Hansol this morning if I could ask you out and he said, and I quote, ‘Sure, whatever. Just make sure you don’t hurt her or I’ll tell Seungcheol.’” Joshua laughs, shrugging at you. You recognize that name as being Hansol’s oldest friend. You didn’t talk much when you were in school, but you remember him being mildly popular and feared by many.

You return his laugh and can’t help but wonder if Hansol would feel the same if you and Chan dated.

Shaking your head, you brush the thought away. One date can’t hurt - it’s not like Joshua is asking you to be his girlfriend. You and Chan are still in an odd place right now anyway. You’re not really sure how to gauge him right now, and he isn’t making any moves to change that. Sure you don’t know Joshua very well but that’s what dates are for right?

“Okay,” you finally say. “But after I get this stupid brace off. I will see my doctor tomorrow afternoon and I should get an all clear.”

The smile Joshua gives you is lethal and makes your palms sweaty. “Of course. After you take your brace off. I’d want you to be feeling completely better so you can enjoy yourself.” His words make your face heat up, suddenly feeling shy. “What do you say I pick you up tomorrow at six?”

“Sure, that works for me.”

“It’s a date then,” Joshua offers you one more look before he’s out the door and on his way.

Once he’s gone, you bring your hands to your cheeks, cursing yourself for getting so flustered around a guy you barely know, no matter how perfect he looks. To get your mind off of Joshua, you shower and get ready for the evening before deciding you’ll order a pizza and call Jinah to tell her about your date tomorrow.

“So how’s it going with Y/n?” Soonyoung asks Chan as they clean up and prepare to lock up the dance studio at the end of the day.

“It’s…going I guess.”

“I assume this means it’s going absolutely nowhere?” Chan narrows his eyes at Soonyoung, ignoring the way his friend laughs at him.

“It was going somewhere. And then I made her break her wrist and now everything is weird.”

“Oh yeah I remember you said that, but you also said that she was about to reciprocate when you almost kissed, was she not?”

“I mean, yeah I think so, but she’s also been flirting with Joshua since he got here and he’s definitely been flirting back. What if I’m wrong and she wasn’t actually going to kiss me back?”

Soonyoung lets out a sigh behind Chan, watching as his younger friend visibly agonizes over his thoughts and self-doubt.

“Chan, listen, I’m going to be honest with you okay?”

“Why am I worried…”

“Because I’m about to tell you the truth!” Soonyoung waits for Chan to lock the studio door and turns to look at him. “You need to decide what you want to do. Either you’ll keep doing this weird will-they-won’t-they with her and not tell her how you feel and probably stress over her for the rest of your life or you tell her and see what happens. I know you’re worried about what she’ll say or how she’ll react, but is that better or worse than letting this eat you up forever?”

Chan scoffs, both options are terrible and he hates them equally, but at the same time, he really has to decide. Either option makes him uncomfortable and unhappy, but Soonyoung has a point, he’s just not sure which is the lesser of the two evils.

“I don’t know…”

“Well, I think you should think about it again and figure it out. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with flirting unless she actually becomes his girlfriend or something, right?”

Chan mumbles something that even he finds unintelligible, but Soonyoung doesn’t press him to repeat himself. They walk the short distance to the parking lot on the side of the studio and bid each other goodbye, Soonyoung wishing him luck again.

Chan spends the entire drive home in silence, weighing the pros and cons of telling you how he feels versus not telling you. He’s had this internal battle with himself since you moved in and it’s always the same in each category.

You may hate him. He’ll make living with you awkward. He’ll fuck up his friendship with Hansol.

All the same negative scenarios play on repeat. The only pro (and the biggest, to be clear), would be that you feel the same for him or you’ll at least want to give him a chance. For Chan, it comes down to how much of a risk he wants to take here.

He’s not much of a risk taker usually, but he also can’t help but tell himself that you’re more than worth the risk. If he can get over his fear of the cons that is.

Chan is still deep in thought when he gets home. When he walks into the apartment, he can hear you talking in your room. The dock for the cordless phone sits empty on the side table next to the couch which tells him you’re using it.

He doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, truly he doesn’t, but as he’s walking down the hall to his room, he overhears you mention Joshua’s name and the word ‘date.’ Chan freezes in his tracks, his heart beating rapidly at the implication. He knows he should go into his room and wait until you’re done to ask what the plan for dinner is.

Instead, he tiptoes to your room, the door ajar enough for him to listen without being seen.

“I’m not sure where he’s taking me. He didn’t say and I didn’t ask. I want to be surprised.” You chuckle and there’s a beat of silence as the person, who Chan assumes is Jinah, speaks. “I’m telling you, he looks so different now. Like, fuck I can’t even describe how good looking he is! And hello, he’s going to be a doctor!” More silence. “I mean, let’s not get crazy. We’re not eloping or anything, it’s just one date.” You stop talking before breaking out into a fit of laughter.

Chan takes this as his sign to slink away, trudging to his bedroom to wallow. He tries to remind himself that you don’t even know how he feels, he’s never even told you about his feelings, so what right does he have to be upset about this?

Absolutely none, logically speaking. That doesn’t make the twinge of pain in his chest feel any more bearable.

It’s ten minutes to six when you’re putting the finishing touches on your hair and fastening your jewelry. You called Joshua earlier in the day to let him know that your doctor gave you the okay to take off your brace and that your wrist is feeling much better. You also asked if you should wear anything special for tonight. He advised that you didn’t need anything fancy, just whatever makes you feel good and some comfortable shoes. To be safe, you were going with thermal leggings and a nice sweater to stay warm and comfy.

With your bag and boots in hand, you leave your room and head down the hallway, intending to wait in the living room. The apartment is quiet with Hansol out for the night and Chan presumably in his room. You haven’t seen him much since he got home from work last night. He took his pizza into his room to eat it and you only saw him briefly this morning when he was coming back from the gym. You want to ask him if he’s okay, but you can’t seem to get a moment with him to do so.

As you reach the end of the hallway, Chan rounds the corner suddenly and you both let out a yelp, running into each other.

“Shit, sorry!” Chan steadies you when your shoes and bag fall out of your hand along with the book that had been in his. He quickly bends down to pick up your things and gingerly hands them over to you.

“Thanks,” you smile at him, forcing your eyes up to his face and not down to the black tank top that hugs his torso.

“Of course,” Chan smiles back, neither of you moving. He’s blocking the entryway into the living room, you tell yourself, so he has to move first.

He doesn’t and instead looks above your head, chuckling nervously.

“Huh?” You look up and catch sight of the mistletoe hanging above your heads. Who the fuck even put that there?

The two of you look from the mistletoe to each other, and then back up again.

“You don’t have to,” Chan starts, his neck turning a deep shade of red.

“I - I mean you neither, if you don’t want to. But if you do, since you know it’s tradition or whatever, we can. Only if you want!” You’re stammering at this point, hand gripping the strap of your bag so hard your knuckles hurt.

Your mind goes back to the ice skating rink and the moment the two of you shared. Chan’s reaction now might just reaffirm your thoughts from that day, but you try not to get too emotionally attached as you wait for his next words.

He doesn’t say anything, and instead, he answers with his movements. He looks into your eyes, so intensely you feel yourself squirm under his gaze. He starts to lean forward then, his face coming closer and closer to yours.

There’s your answer.

Nothing comes from the moment though, when the doorbell rings, making both you and Chan spring apart with wide eyes. Clearing your throat, you apologize to Chan as you shuffle past him and into the living room.

“One minute!” You call out to the door, assuming it’s Joshua. You fish your compact out of your bag to give yourself one more once over before you rush to the door and sure enough, you see Joshua through the peephole.

“Hi. You look beautiful,” are the first words out of his mouth when he sees you, eyes sweeping over your frame appreciatively.

“Thank you. You look very handsome. And are those for me?” You gesture to the large bouquet in his hands and accept it when he holds it out to you.

“Thank you. And yes they are. I couldn’t just show up empty handed.” You thank him again and step back into the apartment to find somewhere to put your flowers. Chan is gone when you enter the living room again and you don’t see him as you find a vase in the kitchen and fill it with water, placing the bouquet in them before joining Joshua again and leaving with him.

Your date with Joshua is as normal as a date can get, but you don’t mind one bit. As he drives you to your destination, you fall into easy conversation as you ask him about his job. Right now, he’s working at his friend’s office until he’s done with school. Since he’s still getting his degree, he can’t legally do much medical wise, but he does volunteer at the hospital when he can to visit the kids and keep them company between surgeries and procedures.

He tells you stories from the hospital and you can tell just in the way he talks about the patients he’s spent time with that it’s something he really enjoys and is looking forward to doing full time. It’s admirable to see someone so in love with what they do and recall it in such a positive way. You know that when you recount stories from your time in the air and in different countries, it’s always with bittersweet words. There was so much you loved about being a flight attendant and so much you disliked, but Joshua talks about medicine with nothing but love.

Similar to how Chan speaks about dancing.

You push that thought away as soon as it conjures in your brain, refocusing back on your date.

Joshua takes you to a fancy looking Japanese restaurant and does everything right that you would expect. He makes sure to open your car door for you and the door of the restaurant. He pulls out your chair and tells you to order whatever you want, making it clear that he’ll be paying and brushing you off when you try to convince him to split the bill.

“Okay, Doctor Hong, you win. You’re more stubborn than me,” you joke after you both order.

He laughs, shrugging and making eye contact with you. “I asked you out, so I’ll pay. Simple as that. Maybe next time you can arrange the next date and you can pay.”

The idea of another date with Joshua hadn’t even crossed your mind. You’re comfortable with him and are enjoying talking with him and getting to know him more, but you feel like there’s something missing that you can’t quite put your finger on.

That feeling persists during dinner, even through the shared laughter and the jokes and it sticks when you’re back in the car after dessert. It lingers as you chat on the way to the second, secret destination he has on the itinerary.

When Joshua eventually parks on the curb of a neighborhood you don’t recognize, you see a bunch of other cars parked and can see bright lights in the distance.

“Where exactly are we?” You try to read street signs around but don’t recognize them. Joshua offers his hand as he opens your door and you hesitantly take it, letting him escort you out. He doesn’t let your hand go as you walk down the sidewalk and get closer to all of the lights.

“I know you’re really into Christmas and decorations so I wanted to take you here,” As you walk closer to the lights, you finally start to notice that they’re Christmas decorations. It’s a whole street of houses adorned with bright lights and flashy decorations. “There aren’t too many people who go all out with the decorations here, but I happened upon this street when I got lost once and they do this every year. It reminds me of the way people back home in L.A. decorate their houses for the holidays.”

You nod, eyes taking in a house with sparking blue and white lights wrapped around every inch of their house. “Yeah, whenever we had layovers or rest periods in the U.S. for the holidays it was nice to see all the decorations out there. It’s why I made Hansol and Chan decorate the apartment. It makes the holidays feel more fun for me.” You laugh, sticking the hand not in Joshua’s in your coat pocket. “I don’t know, maybe that’s silly.”

“It’s not,” he insists, squeezing your hand. “I think it’s very cute and sweet.” Looking over at him out of the corner of your eye, he smiles warmly at you. Joshua is so good at making you flustered it’s almost illegal.

You keep your hand in his as you walk down the sidewalk, pointing out different decorations and your favorite houses. There are other people around you taking in the decorations, all other couples from what you can see. There’s one house that you get to towards the end of the street that’s the most dramatic looking of all. Twinkling, multicolored lights cover the house and an army of snowmen litter the yard, all draped in winter clothes with lights on them as accessories. Various blow-up decorations dot the yard, one of them even playing instrumental versions of classic Christmas carols. Paired with the December snow on the ground, the yard resembles a true winter wonderland and for a moment, you just focus on that and not the fact that your brain keeps wanting you to imagine taking all of this in with Chan.

You’re so focused on the wonder in front of you that you don’t notice the way Joshua admires your profile, smiling at the way your eyes sparkle as you admire the lights and decorations. Joshua takes the moment, turning to you and placing his fingers under your chin to turn your head towards him. The gesture catches you off guard, as does the kiss he leans down to place on your lips.

Joshua’s lips are plush against yours and so incredibly soft. He almost doesn’t feel real. His lips move against yours and you reciprocate, but that earlier, nagging feeling you’ve had since the restaurant comes back. The insistence that something here is missing and it’s even louder now that Joshua is kissing you. It’s especially hard to enjoy kissing him when your mind only wants to focus on your second almost-kiss with Chan earlier. You yearn so badly to feel his lips on yours and daydream about if they feel as soft as they look. You also can’t help but wonder if kissing Chan would make you feel things like fireworks. That consideration alone makes you notice the severe lack of them now. Guilt occupies your mind along with your thoughts of Chan and you notice just how little you feel from kissing Joshua.

As if he feels it too, he pulls away slowly, eyes immediately scanning your face.

“Are you okay, Y/n?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“It’s just that, well I mean, you’ve seemed like your mind is only half here all night. I could feel it just now. Did I do something? I should’ve asked you before kissing you, I’m sorry.”

“No! No, Joshua it’s fine! You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise! You’re a great kisser anyway,” you mumble the last part, truly meaning it. Joshua chuckles and thanks you, but his expression gets serious again.

“I appreciate that and you are too, but I still feel like something is wrong.” He stares at you as if trying to read your mind and it makes you feel shy.

“It’s just…fuck, listen, Joshua, I have had a lot of fun tonight, okay? You’re easy to talk to and laugh with and I like hanging out with you, but I think maybe…there’s a spark between us that’s missing? I’m really sorry.” You gnaw on your bottom lip as you get your words out, worrying about how he’ll react.

Thankfully, he doesn’t make any indication that he’s upset at you. Instead, Joshua just nods and if anything, looks a little disappointed.

“Thank you for being honest with me. I’ve had a really fun time too. Even though I do genuinely like you, I’m not going to try and make you return my feelings. If you’re okay with it, I’d like to at least stay friends? I promise I can get over my crush.”

“Are you sure? I feel bad that I had you take me out like this and it was for nothing.”

“Hey, it wasn’t for nothing! I’m a little disappointed we can’t be more, but I still got to know you more. I mean it when I say let’s stay friends. It’s comfortable and nice hanging out with you. I promise I won’t make this weird. If you’re okay with it. Otherwise, when I take you home, I’ll drop you off and fuck off forever.”

You huff out a laugh, mostly in relief at how normal he’s taking your lack of interest. You study him for a moment, sincerity is easy to read in his expression.

Your shoulders relax as you nod, telling Joshua that you’ll gladly still be friends. This seems to put him at ease as well, letting out a sigh of relief. In your friendship travels, finding a dependable guy friend has been near impossible, so the idea of finally finding one means you can't just let the friendship slip away. You did genuinely enjoy spending time with him too.

You and Joshua finish the walk and any awkwardness you felt when the night started leaves now that the air is a bit clearer. Joshua doesn’t hold your hand, but he stays close and you appreciate that he genuinely meant he didn’t want you to feel weird around him.

After going around the block and taking a few selfies together (at Joshua’s request), you walk back to his car and he still holds the door open for you.

“What? Just because we’re friends this is still a date right?” He shoots you a smirk and you roll your eyes but laugh, nodding at his words. “Exactly. Now let’s get you home.”

Once back in the car, Joshua turns up the heat, both of you thawing as he starts the drive back to your apartment building.

At one point in your chatter as he takes you home, you compliment his gentlemanly behavior all night, telling him it’s honestly some of the most you’ve been wooed out of most other guys you’ve been with. Joshua frowns, citing how fucked up that is and how much guys fucking suck. You can’t help but laugh, noting that his level-headedness just adds to the fact that he’s the perfect guy for most women.

You voice this, adding: “If you’re still looking for someone special, my best friend just might fall in love with you if she meets you.” Joshua laughs, shooting you a brief look that you catch. “Yeah okay. I’ll tell her about you and let you know what she says.” You giggle.

“Sorry!” He winces, regretting his obvious expression. “Was that weird? Did I make it weird?”

“No, no! I don’t mind! I do think you’re a great guy and I love her and want her to be with a great guy. I don’t have a problem with you two going out. I’m just a little relieved to know you wanna talk to someone else so quickly. Makes me feel less bad about everything.”

“Hey, for real, don’t feel bad! I told you I’m going to be okay.”

“Ugh I know, I just feel bad because you paid for that fancy sushi and walked out in the cold and I’m curbing you.”

“Y/n, I’m not going to go home and write in my journal that you broke my heart. It was just a date, okay?”

Sighing, you finally accept his answer, deciding to let it drop, but still let him know you’re going to talk to Jinah about him.

“If you guys do go out and fall in love, try not to treat me like a third wheel, yeah?”

Chuckling, Joshua rolls his eyes at you as the car rolls to a stop at a red light. “She doesn’t even know my name yet, Y/n.”

“Yeah well, what I said still stands.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Mmhmm.” Joshua shakes his head at you and your triumphant sounding rebuttal. “Just make sure you don’t forget about your friends whenever you find someone.”

Frowning, you shake your head. “Oh, absolutely not. I’ve never even entertained abandoning my friends for a relationship. I’ll divide my time evenly between you guys and Ch-” Your lips clamp together like your mouth has been sewn shut, halting your words immediately.

Unfortunately, Joshua catches it, his eyebrows raising so high they almost disappear into his hairline. “Us and who?”

“No one.”

“That's obviously a lie. You were totally about to say someone’s name.”

“Huh? What makes you think that?”

You hit another red light and Joshua fixes you with a blank expression. “Really? You’re not gonna tell me?”

“Hey, this is still a date, remember?! What kind of date would I be if I talked about another guy?”

Joshua narrows his eyes once more before focusing back on the road as he accelerates and drops it, a suspicious look still on his face. You steer the conversation back to Joshua, getting him to tell you about his family back home a little more. He surely knows you’re deflecting but he doesn’t press you further.

The conversation leads you right to a parking spot in your complex near the building entrance. Joshua, ever the gentleman, opens your door for you and walks you inside.

When reaching the third floor, Joshua walks you to the door. He pulls you into a hug, saying again that he had a good time hanging out with you regardless of the outcome. He says that he’ll look forward to your call about Jinah and about hanging out again soon.

Things with Joshua may not have gone as intended, but you’re grateful that he’s understanding and not mad at the fact that you ended up not being interested.

“I will, promise. Get home safe!”

“I will. Have a good night.” He waves at you as he starts to go, but turns quickly to look at you with a glint in his eyes. “And good luck with Chan.” He caps his sentence off with a wink and the moment leaves you flabbergasted. Did he just say Chan?!

“I - what about Chan?!” You can only hope you don’t look as panicked as you feel. Joshua doesn’t address your question, or what he said as he gets to the elevator, offering you a final wave and laughing as the door closes.

How the hell did he know that’s who you were talking about? You’ve never done anything to make someone think you like Chan, but clearly the response lets you know that maybe you’re not as good at hiding your feelings as you thought you were. Has Chan noticed anything from you that would clue him in on your feelings for him being more than platonic? If so, you can only hope Hansol has been too… Hansol to notice it himself.

Chan’s lost count of how many times he’s paced the living room. He keeps trying to sit or do something else other than obsess over you, but nothing seems to be working. All he can think about is you out on a date, having fun, and developing feelings for someone other than him. He even called out of work tonight, telling Soonyoung he wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t a complete lie.

Seeing the way Joshua just swept in after so long and snatched you up, just-like-that, legitimately made his head and stomach hurt. Chan knows for sure he is absolutely in love with you and the other almost-kiss he nearly shared with you proves it. He still didn’t recall where the mistletoe came from, but because of it, even if it wasn’t the proper result, he’s not exactly complaining. Well, not about the fact that you very clearly almost kissed him back.

He just feels like an idiot because he let you leave and is watching you slip away from him again and this time it’s to one of his friends. A friend that has more guts than him to step up and ask you out and tell you that he’s into you.

Chan hasn’t been brave enough to approach you and finally, finally try asking you out. The time when he was fourteen didn’t count because he was still a kid and you never saw him as anything other than your little brother’s annoying best friend that followed you around. Of course, you wouldn't have ever gone out with him.

But it’s different now. You’re both adults and you’re closer than that already. You seem to actually enjoy spending time with Chan and being around him for the first time in the entire time that he has known you and maybe, just maybe, he’d have a real chance with you.

His own cowardice stopped him from speaking up and allowed his older, much more confident hyung to do what he’s been too afraid to. It fucking sucked.

After you left, the only thing he’s done is stay up and stare at the TV, jealousy chipping away at him. Jealous that Joshua got to you before he could do it. Jealousy eats him up so much that he can’t feel relaxed no matter what he does. So, the only thing he thinks to do is sit up and wait for you.

As you enter the apartment, you expect the room to be dark, but you’re surprised to instead see Chan pacing around the living room with the TV playing a commercial.

When he turns upon hearing the door, you both freeze, his expression reading a deer in headlights.

“Y/n.”

“Chan?”

“Y/n, you’re here.”

“Yeah, I’m here. Are you okay?”

His eyes are wide as he watches you slip your shoes off.

“Y/n,” he rushes over to you, grabbing your hands when you step into the room. The gesture is the most contact you’ve had in a week and it lights up all of your senses. He guides you into the room, but the two of you stay standing. “I have some stuff I want to say, okay? It might sound weird and you might hate me and I might fuck up everything, but I’m going to explode if I keep this to myself anymore.”

“Okay…” Your hesitance is obvious, but you don’t walk away to take your hands out of his hold, so he takes this as a sign to continue.

“I, fuck I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it, but Y/n, the truth is that I’m still in love with you. It’s different from when I was a dumb kid. That was me being captivated by my best friend’s big sister who was so much cooler and more mature than me and was the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. When you left for college and your career, it hurt, but I told myself to get over it. That it was just my first crush and first crushes eventually go away.

And I thought that was true until you moved back and I realized, ‘oh shit, I’m still into her,’ only now it’s worse because I got to know you, like really know you, and realized that you’re still that intelligent, mature, amazing girl, but now you’re a woman and you’re still the woman of my dreams. I’ve been trying so hard to show you that I still care for you without actually saying it because I was worried that you’d turn me down and I didn’t know if I could handle that, but seeing you go out with Joshua and potentially slip away from me for good again has been killing me all night and I can’t hold back anymore.

If you don’t like me back that is completely okay! I know Joshua hyung is handsome and smart and he’s going to be a doctor so like whatever, yeah I get it. I won’t make living with you weird at all! I’ll even steer clear of certain areas when you’re around if that makes you feel better. Just, you know, whatever you want. But okay, I’m done. Too many words.”

Chan wants the floor to open up right at this moment and swallow him given the way you’re looking at him. Wide-eyed and mouth in a firm line as you absorb his words.

“Dammit, Chan!”

“What?! Sorry! Fuck, I’m sorry I suck I-”

“Huh? No! I didn’t mean it like that! I said that because, well, I think that you succeeded in showing me how much you care for me because I’ve fallen for you over the past three months.” Chan’s eyes widen almost comically, but he doesn’t say anything. “ I tried to fight it given one, you’re my brother’s best friend, two we live together, and three, you’re younger than me and four, I just didn’t want to make things weird with all of us living together, but knowing you like me just makes me want to stop being so cautious.”

“Really?”

“Really. Spending time with you and getting to know you has only made me like you more. Being around you, spending time with you, talking with you, everything just feels so right when we’re together. It’s scary because I have never felt like this, but I want it. I want you, Chan. In every sense of the word.”

The shell shocked man across from you has to let your words sit in his brain for a bit before he fully registers what you’ve said. You like him too. You’ve fallen for him. Being with him feels right. You want him.

If this is a cruel dream, Chan would really appreciate it if he could wake up right now. He closes his eyes tightly, counting to three before opening again. Sure enough, you’re still standing in front of him, looking at him with expectant eyes, anticipating his next words.

“Sorry, I’m just letting this all sink in. I don’t think I thought you’d actually say you feel the same.”

You shrug, shooting him a small smile. “Me neither honestly. I thought for sure you had gotten over your crush on me and moved on to actual women who returned your feelings.”

“Me too, at first I mean. But like I said, just seeing you again had all of those feelings rushing back to me.”

“Well I’m extremely lucky then it seems.”

“So am I.” You both stand there, grinning at each other, unsure what to do next. You think about maybe kissing Chan, finally, but you wonder if that’s too fast and too presumptuous of you.

As if he can read your mind, Chan clears his throat, making eye contact for a few seconds before looking away and taking a breath.

“Y/n, can I kiss you?” He blurts out, but you still hear him.

“Please do!” You answer immediately, encouraged by the knowledge that he wants the same as you.

Chan doesn’t need to be told twice, immediately rushing over to you before you have too much time to think. Your back hits the wall in an effort to keep your weak knees from giving out. When Chan stops, right in front of you, you’re almost chest to chest. He’s so close that you feel the warmth that radiates from him.

His arm rests above your head, keeping you trapped, but leaving his other arm down, allowing you a way out if you wanted. Neither of you speak for a moment, both blinking at the other. You each need to decide what will happen next.

You both make that decision at the exact same time. Chan’s eyes stay locked on yours as he lowers his face. At the same time, your eyes flutter closed as you crane your neck up, allowing your lips to meet somewhere in the middle.

Your lips are still a little cold, Chan notes as your arms reach out in the tiny space between the two of you, and grasp the front of his t-shirt to pull him close, his body pressing you completely against the wall. He squeezes his eyes closed hard enough to hurt a few times in an effort to wake himself up from the dream that he feels like he’s having. He’s had more dreams than he can count about kissing you for as long as he can remember, so surely this is another one of those?

That thought is only sent away when your arms slip up his body and around his neck, fingers weaving into the sensitive hairs on the back of his neck and tugging. The action is like lightning through his body and helps keep him in the very real moment.

Kissing Chan feels the way that you think they describe in movies. They always describe it as feeling like the world around you fades away in a haze and your head feels fuzzy. All of the sounds you hear are like white noise or turn into muffled background noise. It’s cliché and something you don’t think you’ve ever felt until this moment. Kissing Chan feels right and you don’t think you ever want to kiss anyone else for a long time, if ever again.

His strong arms wrap around your waist as you melt into him, your lips moving together in perfect sync. Your hands move down to his biceps to steady yourself, fingers wrapping around as much of him as you can, which isn’t much but you try.

You stay like that longer than you think you can count. Both of you clinging to one another, making out against the wall like lovestruck, horny teenagers, even if that’s exactly what you feel like. Your heart hammers against your chest and your thighs squeeze together as the kiss ignites not only something in your chest, but in your panties too.

The kiss turns from soft and sentimental to heated quicker than either of you are brave enough to admit, but you’re not complaining. You’ve wanted each other for months (years for Chan) and are finally getting what you’ve dreamt of. Chan’s thick, muscled thigh wedges its way between yours. Your leggings may have been thick enough to avoid the cold, but they aren’t thick enough to keep you away from feeling him brush against your tender folds.

What sounds like a whimper slips out of you and gets swept away by Chan’s tongue and into his mouth. He swallows down sound after sound as he makes sure to nudge your pussy again and again and soon enough, you’re grinding down on him, sloppily riding his thigh as his lips stay connected to yours.

When you finally pull away, the first sound out of your mouth is a deep moan. Chan flexes his thigh in a way that tenses the muscles and he hits your clothed clit in the most delicious way.

“Fuck,” Chan pants as he holds your hips. His knee rests between your legs and against the wall to stay steady. You grind over Chan’s sweatpants again and with each sweet sound that slips out of your mouth, he feels himself getting painfully harder.

“Ch-Chan,” you manage out.

“Hmm?”

“I need more.”

“More? More what, baby girl?”

The pet name rolls off his tongue so easily, too easily, and your pussy throbs even harder. Riding his thigh feels fucking amazing and you know you can cum just like this, but you don’t want to just yet. You’d much rather cum around his cock. The playful part of you also wants him to be just as needy as you.

“More of you. Please, baby,” You lean up to place kisses on his neck. When you get to his jawline, you flatten your tongue right on the side of his chin, dragging it up his jaw, and landing on his ear lobe. Chan makes the prettiest, breathy whines as you tease him and it only makes you clench even more. When you stop and your teeth nibble on the shell of his ear, capping it off with a whisper of, “Please Channie,” Chan feels like he could explode, right then and there.

“Anything. Fucking anything for you” Chan mumbles his words before diving down to lavish your neck in kisses of his own, the tip of his tongue darting out occasionally to lap at your skin. He leaves sloppy kisses on your skin as he descends down to your chest, stopping briefly where your nipples sit behind layers of clothes.

He drops to his knees as he goes and doesn’t stop until he reaches your waist.

“Chan?” You’re surprised that this is how he wants you first. You expected him to finger you before anything, but he clearly wants to start elsewhere.

His hands move to grasp at your waistband, stopping before he actually undresses you. His eyes meet yours, fingertips meeting your bare skin underneath your sweater.

“Can I? I need to get my mouth on you so badly.”

“Fuck, yes. You better,” you demand in response, not even flinching at his request. The two of you easily slip your leggings and your panties down and off of you in one go.

Chan lifts one of your legs over his shoulder, pushing your thighs apart. His eyes widen at the sight of you bare and wet in front of him. His mouth waters at the glistening arousal he sees coating your lower lips and he almost gets lightheaded at the heady scent of you. Chan could die right here before even tasting you and even that would be okay with him.

“Chan, please I need you!” You beg, feeling self conscious under his stare. He doesn’t make you wait any longer and instantly dives between your folds, his tongue lapping at you harshly.

Your knees nearly buckle at the suction, a loud cry ringing out. He doesn’t hesitate at all, his tongue immediately plunging into your wet hole. Your head hits the wall with a thunk as Chan begins eating you out as if his life depended on it. He fucks you with his tongue with obvious vigor, his nose bumping into your clit with each turn of his head.

His hands cup your ass, pulling you closer to his face so he can reach deeper in you, damn near making out with your cunt. Chan grunts and groans into you as he slurps, the wet sounds echoing through the room.

“Fuck, Chan. Fuck you’re t-too fucking good,” Your fingers are in his hair again, knotting into his strands to hold his face against you. The action makes him dizzy, his cock painfully hard and begging to be released from the confines of his sweatpants.

When you cum, which isn’t very long from when he started devouring you, you think you almost pass out. Your vision whites out and your body feels like gelatin, almost falling forward. Chan keeps his grip on your ass, not stopping until you start to yank him away from your pussy.

“I am going to pass out if you keep eating me out like that!”

“Fucking hell, Y/n, you have no fucking idea how long I’ve wanted to taste you,” he’s breathless when he speaks, licking his lips in the most obscene manner.

“Did I live up to your expectations?” You tease, getting wet all over again as you observe the way his face glistens with your juices and his blown out pupils.

“You have no idea. But we’re not done yet, beautiful.”

Another simple pet name has you shivering and Chan notices, and he loves the way you react to him. He stands upright again and grabs your hand, lacing your fingers together as he leads you to his bedroom. When he gets you in the room he brings you to his bed, pushing you and watching you bounce gently on his quilt. You start to undress what you had left on, keeping your eyes trained on him as you pull your sweater over your head and unhook your bra, tossing it somewhere in the room.

This is just like so many wet dreams he’s had, but this time it’s real life and almost too good to be true.

“You gonna just stand there and ogle me or are you going to get naked and come over here and kiss me?” You tease him, widening your legs to make room for him.

Chan’s eyes are glued to your pussy, still wet and shining for him, and he all but tears his clothes from his body and scrambles onto the bed without another thought.

“Sorry,” he says between kisses. “I was just admiring the goddess waiting for me on my bed,” You’re ready to tease him again, but he cuts you off when he lowers his head and his mouth suctions around one of your nipples, sucking hard enough to make your back bow off of the bed.

Eager lips lavish over the sensitive bud as his hand finds its way between your legs. He circles your entrance with a finger and repeats the motion a few more times before kissing his way over to your other nipple to give it the same amount of attention.

“So pretty,” he mumbles against your skin. Your fingers tangle in his dark hair as he covers your chest in bites, licks, and kisses, his finger still teasing you.

As if sensing you about to complain, he finally lets your nipple go, kissing his way down your body until he’s face to face with your pussy again.

“Chan…” you sigh, feeling his tongue dart out to lick a stripe from your entrance to your clit. He takes the time to spend extra attention on your nub, stiffening his tongue and flicking at it at what feels like an inhumane speed.

Chan relishes the gorgeous sound of your cries for him, noises of pleasure mixed in with huffs of his name and whispers of curse words. He loves that these sounds are all for him and because of him. He already knew he’d get addicted to you if he ever was able to get you into his bed and this settles that. He needs to hear you like this for him until he passes away. Even then, he wants to be buried with a recording of your moans and whines.

He shifts on his stomach to get closer to your core and plunges his tongue into you, groaning at the taste of you on his tongue again. The angle allows him room to grind against his quilt, pretending that it’s you he’s rutting against. His eyes slip closed as your thighs do the same around his head and he loses himself as he eats you out with a sense of excitement that he doesn’t think he’s ever felt about anything else.

Chan moves as if he didn’t do the same thing not even ten minutes ago and he only serves in pushing you so much closer to the edge faster than the first time. You call this out to him, tugging at his hair and it only spurs him on. He burrows between your legs even further, letting out more determined grunts that you feel throughout your entire body.

“Ch-Chan, fuck, I’m cumming! Right there, right there - I - fuck!” Your hands keep Chan trapped as you let go, legs spasming as he keeps at it, happily lapping up your release that covers his chin.

Out of breath, your body sags against the bed and you pry your legs open to let him up. “Shit, Chan enough. Come up here and fuck me already.”

“Yes ma’am.” His face is covered in you and his use of yes ma’am sends molten heat up your spine and between your legs again.

He leans over to his nightstand to fish out a condom, but you stop him, shaking your head.

“I’m on the pill, just pull out?”

Your words could’ve very well been a spell with the way they make him dizzy, but he doesn’t question it and only breathes out a yes and positions himself between your legs.

“Are you okay? Tell me to stop at any time and I will, okay?” He checks your face to make sure you’re comfortable and when he sees you nod he starts to ease himself into you slowly.

When his bulbous tip slips in first, you’re instantly letting out small mewls that only intensify with each inch that Chan fills you with.

“Oh my fuck, Y/n, you feel incredible. Shit!” Chan grits his teeth as he takes his time entering you. When he’s finally filled you up to the hilt, he has to take a second and take a deep breath. He’s never felt so close to cumming this quickly since he was in high school. It’s embarrassing to admit, but you truly feel like nothing and no one he’s ever felt. Your soft velvet walls cradle him perfectly, clenching every now and again making him even weaker.

“Move, Channie,” you breathe out, lifting your hips a little to get him going. Chan sits up on his knees, wrapping your legs around his waist as he grabs a hold of your hips.

He starts slow as he fucks you, finding a pace that works for him. Once he gets it, which he does rather quickly, he’s relentless. His hips drive into yours at breakneck speed, balls hitting your ass which each thrust forward.

“Fuck, Y/n, baby, you feel like a fucking dream!” His compliment comes out high pitched as he says it, the sound of his hips slapping against yours almost drowning out his words, but you hear him.

“Yeah, fuck, you feel so good Channie. Fucking me so, so good!” Tears collect at the corners of your eyes as Chan bullies into you over and over again, shoving you further up the bed. “You’re such a good boy for m-me, aren’t you?”

Chan’s eyes cross at your praise, biting his lip so hard he nearly draws blood just to keep himself from bursting inside of you at that moment. He nods like a madman, taking deep breaths to push back his orgasm. He’s so terribly close, but he refuses to cum without you.

He pants above you, eyes darting between your fucked out expression with your eyes rolling back and mouth hanging open, your tits that bounce with each force of his body, to between your legs as he catches sight of himself disappearing into your heat. He catches sight of the white ring of arousal you coat around his dick and he feels himself getting closer and closer.

He’s dizzy with lust for you but still manages to check in with you, forcing out coherent words to ask how you’re doing. You reassure him you’re okay, praising him once again about how good he feels.

“H-harder, Channie. Fuck me harder!”

As with anything else Chan does for you, he doesn’t need you to ask twice as he readjusts his knees before leaning forward to bend at the waist, making sure your legs are still secure around his waist. He leans down, his hands on either side of your head as kisses you, the new angle allowing him to thrust into you at a harder pace.

“Just like that, Chan! Fuck me like that!” Your words tumble out of you in a garbled mess, but he hears you loud and clear. The sensation of your nails digging into his back as you hold him closer sends him into a frenzy as he continues his brutal pace. His new position also allows his pelvis to brush against your clit hard enough to send you over the edge all the way.

“I’m - Y/n, I’m so close. I’m -”

“Me too, Channie, me too. Want you to cum. Wanna see you and hear you,” you cry out, each word almost cut off with a moan.

When you cum, your mouth forms an ‘o’ shape and your eyes squeeze shut, stars erupting behind your lids as your body almost convulses underneath him. Your muscles hurt with how hard your body stiffens and your brain only focuses on the drag of Chan’s cock against your hyper-sensitive walls.

The sight alone and your chant of Chan’s name has him cumming next. He pulls out, desperately jerking himself off over you before he panics.

“Wh-where can I?”

“Anywhere, baby! Anywhere you want,” As soon as the last word leaves your lips, Chan yells out your name, his warm seed spurting out and landing on your stomach, some of it even hitting right under your breasts as he milks himself over your body. If you weren’t so tired you’d suck him off to overstimulate him, but for now, you just admire how stunning Chan looks. Skin flushed and chiseled jaw clenched as he empties himself onto your sweaty body.

As he cums, Chan tears up a little because holy shit you’re the best feeling he’s ever felt, and being inside of you is like an out of body experience. He’s no virgin, but this is the first time he’s slept with someone who he has such a strong emotional connection with. It’s the best thing he’s ever experienced in his life, he thinks.

Once he’s released everything he possibly can, Chan rolls off of you and flops next to your spent body.

“Holy shit,” you mumble, taking a deep breath. “I think my soul has officially left the building.”

“Oh, I know mine is gone. It was gone the moment you let me kiss you.” Giggling, you glance over at Chan who’s already looking at you.

“I’ll always let you kiss me now. How can I not?” Chan grins wide enough at you that you think his mouth should probably hurt. The thought makes you breathe out a laugh.

Chan tilts his head at you. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. Just admiring how cute you are,” As if not expecting that answer, Chan gets a little shy, eyes looking away from you as you see the tips of his ears reddening. You can’t help but lean up and place a kiss on his ear and he jumps at the light peck. “Come on, cutie. Let’s get cleaned up and ready for bed. You can sleep in my room tonight and we’ll wash your sheets tomorrow. Sound good?”

Chan nods so aggressively, that you almost question how his neck is feeling. He reaches for his tissues on the side table and wipes the cooling cum from your body. He then helps you up from the bed and tosses you one of his towels, wrapping one around his waist.

When you have the towel covering yourself, you both step into the hallway only to freeze when seeing Hansol coming down the hall, and he stops too. He takes notice of the two of you, standing there holding towels over yourselves, and lets out a laugh. He takes his headphones off and lets them drape about his neck, the sound of “All the Small Things” filling the silence between the three of you.

“I take it the mistletoe worked?”

You and Chan share an incredulous look before turning back to your brother.

“You put the mistletoe up?!” You gasp. You had just accepted the fact that you put it up and forgot, but it’s nice to know you aren't going completely insane.

“Well, it was Soonyoung’s idea. He called earlier and told me to put it up somewhere both of you would end up. I wasn’t sure at first, but it looks like it worked.”

“I mean…kind of. But I have so many questions.”

“Ask them later. I’ve been home for a little while but didn’t wanna come into the hallway and uh, interrupt.” Hansol frowns and continues on to his room. Your brother halts his steps before going in and fixes you both with a look. “Oh, and I only have two things to say. One, Chan, if you hurt my sister I will kick your ass. And I’m telling Cheol hyung,” Chan lets out a small squeak and salutes Hansol, promising he’ll treat you like a queen. Hansol nods and then continues. “And two, can y’all like, I don’t know, leave a sock or something on your doors when you’re gonna do this? I came in and heard some noises I never want to hear my sister and best friend making ever again so just give me a chance to put my headphones on.”

“Ugh, sorry,” you grunt, your face heating up in mortification.

“Yeah, yeah whatever. Glad you guys can stop trying but failing not to flirt in front of me. Now goodnight and please keep it down for the night, I’m begging you.”

You and Chan promise your brother that you’ll be considerate and he thanks you before shuffling into his room for the night.

“He took that better than expected,” you observe as you and Chan move into the bathroom.

“Yeah. Honestly, I was expecting him either to be grossed out or do something very out of character and hit me or something.”

You snort, turning on the shower water and hanging up the towel you’ve been holding against your body. “Hansol hasn’t swung on anyone or anything since he was at least seven and that was at our old neighbor’s bird because it tried to land on his head.”

Chan cackles at the thought, but it’s quickly replaced with a low sigh as he watches you tuck your hair into a shower cap to keep it from getting wet. Watching you stand in front of him, naked and just existing comfortably makes both his heart beat out of his chest and his dick uncomfortably hard.

You at least can notice the latter, eyes playfully observing his length between his legs. “Someone has an impressive bounce back period.”

“I can’t help it. I have a beautiful, sexy woman standing naked in front of me. What do you want me to do?”

The bathroom isn’t that big so when you brush past Chan, it’s not hard to brush against him. Your thigh grazes his erection and he groans louder than intended, slapping his hand over his mouth when the sound comes out. You can’t help but giggle as you slip into the shower watching him still stand there and gawk at you.

“What you can do is, come join me in this shower and fuck me against this wall, but only if you can be way quieter than you just were.”

The sentence doesn’t even have a chance to finish completely before Chan is practically leaping into the shower, body crowding yours against the tile wall.

“Anything for you, Y/n.” He peppers your neck and shoulder with kisses, biting the skin as he goes.

“Mmm, you have got to stop saying that to me, Channie. You’ll spoil me.”

Chan pulls away, eyes meeting yours with the most serious expression you’ve seen from him since he confessed his feelings for you earlier this evening.

“Good. I want to spoil you and I will until I physically can’t anymore.” Chan rests his forehead against yours, taking a moment to enjoy being close to you as the shower water warms your skin.

“Only if you let me do the same to you, baby.” His eyes flutter at the pet name and you love the way it seems to make his skin flush more.

“Thank you, Y/n.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know, existing? Making me the luckiest man in the world? All of the above?” It’s your turn to get sheepish at his words, playfully pushing against his firm chest.

“Thank you, Chan. You treat me differently from so many other people I’ve been with and you make me feel special.” You hope he understands just how true your words are. The way he’s treated you since you moved in has been with nothing but care and affection, even before knowing he still likes you. Chan is a truly amazing guy and you consider yourself lucky that he wants you in his life like this.

“You are special and you should feel that way. I’ll make sure to keep doing it. And I’ll make sure you feel amazing and special in every way.” Warm hands slide down your body and slip between your legs to rub gentle circles against your clit. The whiplash from the tender moment to the not-so-tender startles you for only a moment before it’s replaced with want as Chan works you up.

Chan’s dancer hips are something to be studied and worshiped with the way in which he drills into you under the spray. You had teased him with being quiet, but you’re the one that needs to sink your teeth into the thick skin of his shoulder to stop from yelling his name.

He laughs between thrusts, but when you clench around him in retaliation, his pace falters and he pouts down at you. You kiss his pout away, keeping your lips together as you both cum, swallowing the possible noise complaints you’d have received otherwise.

Even if Hansol had lectured you both about your noise level, it’d be worth it, especially when you see the blissful look on Chan’s face as he gazes at you. Eyes full of wonder, tiredness, and above all else, love. Even though it hasn’t been long at all, you’ll be surprised if he can’t see the same shining back up at him.

Time seems to fly by, and Christmas suddenly creeps up on you. Thankfully, you finish your shopping before the last minute and get everything you need to, done. You and Chan spend the time leading up to it doing as many cute, coupley things that you can think of while Hansol does his best to not be a third wheel. He rarely ever is, but you’re thankful for the support from your brother nonetheless.

On Christmas morning, Chan is up first, already wide awake and looking at you when you open your eyes. It’s cute if not a little surprising at first. He at least lets you brush your teeth and make yourself decent before ushering you into the hallway. He knocks loudly on Hansol’s door as he passes, telling him it’s time for presents.

His excitement is incredibly endearing and it warms your heart to see him so eager to sit you down on the couch and present you with your first gift from under the Christmas tree. The first box is a small square, secured with a red sparkly ribbon. When you take the lid off, a CD looks back at you in a red, jewel tone case. You smile as you take it out and turn it over, seeing a note on the back along with the tracklist.

Songs for the only woman who’s ever owned my heart. Merry Christmas, Y/n. Love, Your Channie

Tears prick your eyes at the gesture. It’s a small gift, but it’s personal. You don’t think you’ve had anyone make you a mixtape and yet again, it just proves how sweet Lee Chan is.

“Thank you Channie,” you pucker your lips and he eagerly leans down to kiss you, almost tripping into your lap in the process. “Oh!” He jumps up, running back to the tree for another box, this one wrapped in white ribbons. Inside is another rectangle box, but in that is the gift.

“Chan?!”

“You like it?” He asks, taking the bracelet out of the box before you can answer. He gestures to your wrist and you present it, letting him clip the shiny, diamond tennis bracelet. “The sales lady said they’re really popular for the “special ladies in your life” this year and I thought you’d like it since you like pretty jewelry.” You give Chan a watery smile, stopping yourself again from nearly crying. Instead, you get up and pull him into a hug, squeezing his waist hard.

“I love it, thank you Chan,” When you pull away, it’s your turn to go to the tree to retrieve his gifts.

“But I’ve already gotten the greatest gift I’ve ever wanted in my life,” he gestures to you with a flourish, making you roll your eyes.

“Oh yeah? Guess that means I should return these presents then huh?” You dangle both boxes in the air, raising an eyebrow.

“I mean…you already bought them and wrapped them though so you may as well just…” he makes grabby hands at the boxes and you can’t help but laugh, handing over both gifts to him.

The first one he opens has a shiny silver watch in it that you saw in the mall with Jinah weeks ago and thought of him. It’s your turn to help him as you put it on his wrist, both of you admiring it. He mentions that it’s the nicest watch he’s ever owned and that he’ll never take it off.

When he gets to the other small box, he opens it to see an envelope sitting in the middle of the tissue paper. Curiously, Chan opens it pulling out what’s inside and he nearly passes out.

“Michael Jackson tickets?!”

“Yeah! I heard people at work talk about it like two months ago. He’s going to be in Seoul this summer! I was getting them for you whether we ended up together or not because I know how much you love him. You deserve it!” You beam at him and watch as tears well in his eyes this time. “Aw, Channie!”

Chan jumps from the couch to pull you into a bear hug at the same time that Hansol comes into the living room.

“Hyung, I have to tell you now, but I’m going to marry your sister,” he says in a serious tone.

“Chan!” Laughing, you squeeze his arms, trying to wriggle from his grasp.

“Fine as long as you still stick by my rules.”

“Hansol!” Both men purposely ignore you as they discuss your fictional wedding and Chan brags about his concert tickets. The whole moment fills you with an indescribable warmth, even when Chan finally releases you and lets you sit on the couch.

You didn’t anticipate that you’d end up here when you first thought about leaving your career, but you’re glad you did. You wouldn’t want to be anywhere else other than here on Christmas with your two favorite men.

“The ball is going to drop soon!” Seungkwan announces to your group. He turns the volume of the TV up as the countdown shows on the screen.

It’s New Year’s Eve and your large group of friends is huddled in Jinah’s living room to ring in the New Year. You hadn’t known where you’d be ringing in the year 2000 initially and had anticipated it’d be at home, but with Jinah and Joshua dating and being almost inseparable for the last two weeks, she found herself hanging around the rest of the guys as much as you have and since her apartment is the biggest, she had everyone come here.

You’re sitting next to Chan on her couch as you pull your drinks closer. Seungkwan and his partner sit together holding hands, nervously checking the clock on the wall and looking back at the TV. The two of them, Seokmin, and one of their other friends named Mingyu all found out about Y2K around the same time and have been preparing for it leading up to tonight. No matter how many times you, Hansol, and Joshua try to tell them you’ll all be fine, you let the group of conspiracy theorists have their beliefs, knowing once the new year rolls in, they’ll be fine.

Chan often makes fun of them, but you also never miss the way his eyes widen when they talk about the computers exploding and the world ending.

“Three…two…one, happy new year!” Everyone’s voices echo throughout the room as you count down to the new year together, noisemakers and cheers following.

Chan turns towards you, his lips meeting yours as you share your first kiss of the new year. His hands cradle your face, tilting your head back just the slightest to deepen the short yet sensual kiss.

“Happy New Year, Y/n.” He says against your lips.

“Happy New Year, Chan.”

Around the room, the rest of your friends are pouring more champagne and you catch sight of Seungkwan and his partner still sharing their New Year’s kiss, both smiling, likely in relief. Joshua and Jinah are on the other side of the room, her head resting on his shoulder as they watch the fireworks on TV. Chan redirects your attention back to him to kiss you once more, this one quicker yet just as sweet.

And just like that the world doesn’t end, much to Seokmin, Mingyu, Seungkwan’s (and Chan’s) relief, but your new world with Chan in it has just begun. You’re looking forward to what the new millennia and life with Chan will bring.

Net tags: @kflixnet @kbookshelf | Taglist: @aaniag

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evasive-anon · 4 months

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Jason was having a pretty OK time with the league of assassins, sure getting dunked in a lazarus pit sucked and Bruce turned out to be a scumbag who didn't care about him, but at least he isn't dead. He even liked most of the new skills he was learning there so on the whole being with the league seemed like a pretty good deal to him until Talia woke him up in the middle of the night and left him alone with two child assassins.

Or, a demon twins AU where when Talia realizes her father intends to have her boys fight to the death takes action first by deciding to take all her kids and leave the league. Talia either dies or is separated from them in the initial escape and now Jason just has a bag of supplies and a letter from Talia explaining the plan to get to Gotham. Jason has to get himself and two 7 year olds out of the Himalayas, across a desert, and over 12k miles to Gotham. Only now the league members hunting them down want them dead or worse and Jason isn't too confident that B will accept them given their kill counts.

Featuring:

Good Mom Talia. she loves her kids. Did she teach them to kill? Sure, but that's an important life skill.

Single Teen Mom Jason. He's the oldest and in charge but he also will not answer any questions about The Plan™ given he isn't committed to Talia's but also doesn't have a set alternative. Oscillates between looking forward to just dumping his new little brothers with Bruce so they'll be his problem and thinking of just moving somewhere random in the US and keeping them based entirely on how cute vs annoying they are at that time. Didn't realize how much he relied on Talia to help him with things until she is gone. He's really trying his best but he wasn't all that emotionally stable before this so hang in there.

Angry Smol Dami. He's still drinking the LoS punch and really dislikes that he is now considered a traitor. Can't stand that Jason won't answer any of his very relevant questions. Is actually very scared but will not show it. Misses his mom. Didn't even know he had siblings until his mom yoinked him out of bed that night and brought him to Jason and Danny and started all this. Physically the stronger twin. Thinks Danny is dragging them down in fights and also may blame him a bit because clearly his mother only did all this to spare him.

Danny, reincarnated with limited access to his memories and powers. Has been trying to keep his powers a secret. Talia knew about them but never told anyone but she may have hinted at it in her letter to Jason. Not the strongest physically but very good at stealth and social interactions. Didn't know he had and older brother or twin before Jason woke him up at Talia's instruction that night. Thinks Damian is mean and has faith Jason knows what he's doing even if that is very much untrue.

#escape the LoS demon twins prompt #dropping extras at the end in the tags for fun #demon twins au #dpxdc prompt #fanfic prompt #dpxdc #dp x dc #dcxdp #dc x dp #original post #long post #non-canon compliant #danny phantom crossover #batman crossover #Athanasia and Mara could be added to the party as well for extra fun #but I don't know how familiar the phandom side is with those characters so I didn't include them in this #also out of some mercy for this Jason tbh cause even 2 kids would already be a pain for a teenager #if Mara is there then Damian would probably vibe with her the most in spite of their rivalry cause she's probably distrust Jay too #and she would probably also resent becoming a traitor so they'd relate to each other #If Athanasia is in the crew then I think she'd be clocked as the weakest link and Damian would probably disapprove of her instead of Danny #Danny could also be full human in this AU #powerset if reincarnated is whatever you want but I was thinking invisibility for brief periods and partial intagability #like he can disappear for a couple seconds or phase a weapon through him in a pinch #but he can't do it a lot or maybe can only do it sometimes #i don't imagine Jason has pit rage in this just trauma #I imagine Jason being 16/17yo

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gingersaurus · 1 year

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I was having trouble getting in That 90′s Show, for the main reason being the continuity errors of the timeline.

You see, The final episode of That 70′s show ended on New Year’s Eve 1979/1980. Leia is a teenager in 1995. Which raises the obvious question, HOW OLD IS LEIA, WHEN WAS SHE CONCEIVED, AND WHO IS HER BIOLOGICAL FATHER???

Eric wasn’t in the final season of That 70s show. He broke up with Donna and went off to college. In the final season of TSS (1979), Donna was dating a guy named Randy, but she broke up with him just before the season finale.

This means that if Leia was conceived anywhere between October 1979 and December 1979, She would be just on the cusp of turning 15 in the summer of 1995. Now it feels pretty unlikely that Donna would have been 3 months pregnant during the series finale and wouldn’t have realized it, so let’s focus on the more likely scenario. (Edit: After watching a few more episodes, Leia has her 15th birthday in the summer of 1995. Either she was reeeeaally premature, or Randy is her bio dad.)

Eric came back to Point Place during the season finale, and he and Donna got back together. This reunion resulted in them getting frisky, and Leia was conceived on New Years 1980, making her birthday sometime in early October 1980, which would mean that Leia is 14 and 9 months old during That 90s Show. Now this brings up a lot of concerns about her drinking and smoking at such a young age, but it brings up an even bigger concern and that is: HOW OLD IS JAY KELSO AND HOW DOES HE EXIST??????

YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WAS NOT AROUND FOR THE FINAL SEASON OF THAT 70s SHOW??? MICHAEL KELSO!!! And on top of that Jackie was dating Fez in 1979. Jackie definitely was not pregnant, had never been pregnant, and even if she was, how would Kelso have been the father? And we can only infer that Jay is older than Leia, because he is friends with Gwen’s older brother, Nate. And Nate and Jay have been friends "for 12 years”.

So the writers are trying to tell me that Jay Kelso is 16 in 1995??? That would mean that he would have had to have been born in 1979! And look at how much that kid looks like Michael Kelso! That’s definitely Kelso’s son, and not an adopted child. BUT HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE IF MICHAEL KELSO DIDN’T HAVE A SON IN 1979?!?!?!?

BUT WAIT!

MICHAEL KELSO WAS A PARENT IN 1979!!!!!

Kelso was gone during the final season because he had knocked up a girl named Brooke at a concert, and moved away to help raise his “baby girl” with Brooke. Which means that this baby would be 16 in 1995! Which means that there can be only one in canon explanation for the existence of Jay Kelso!

Brooke and Kelso didn’t work out, and after they broke up, Kelso moved back to Wisconsin with his child 12 years ago. He reconnected with Jackie, and they eventually got married. Jackie adopted Kelso’s child, and became a really great stepmom who made it clear that she loved her child unconditionally. Jay knew how much his dad and step mom loved him, and therefore felt comfortable coming out to them as trans when he was in his early teens. Kelso and Jackie accepted their son with open arms

Brooke was also the valedictorian, which means that when Kelso says Jay “has my looks and his mother’s brains! He gets straight A’s!” He is referring to Jay’s bio mom, Brooke.

So in conclusion, Jay Kelso is trans, and Michael and Jackie are amazing parents. Also Jay is probably on T because Jackie scared the shit out of some poor doctor.

#that 90s show #that 70s show #leia forman #jay kelso #eric foreman #donna pinciotti #gwen runck #nate runck #trans #trans man #callie haverda #laura prepon #topher grace #mila kunis #ashton kutcher #mace coronel #head canon #lgbt

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dwobbitfromtheshire · 4 months

Text

Stuck Between a Jock and a Metalhead

Summary: Nancy, on a whim, decides to visit Steve at Scoops Ahoy, which leads to her overhearing confessions from Steve that leads her to think about the decisions she's made. A few days later, she decides to come back. She finds him being hit on by the town freak. What's a girl to do? Oh, get stuck in a freezer with the both of them.

Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three - Chapter Four - Chapter Five - Chapter Six - Chapter Seven - Chapter Eight - Chapter Nine - Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Steve’s POV

" . . . I'm going to rip out your parents' decrepit black hearts and show it to them still beating, letting them watch as I slowly crush them both in my hands. . . "

"Jesus, Robin," Steve scoffed.

It was a couple of days later, and they were both in the apartment above the salon. Steve had wanted to get a jumpstart on cleaning the place up and move out of his parents' house as soon as possible. Robin had protested at first because he was still wounded, but Steve wore her down by telling her of his grandfather's journals, which she was currently pouring through. If Nancy were here, she wouldn't give in so easily. Luckily, she was on lockdown at her house. Her mother hadn't been too pleased to find out that both her children had been in the fire and that Nancy had camped out at the hospital without telling her. Meanwhile, Eddie was at home getting his sister settled into her new life.

"This doesn't bother you?" Robin asked.

"Of course, it bothers me," Steve replied.

"Right, stupid question," she said. "How can you be so casual about all of it?"

"I don't know. I guess it's easier to accept the fact that I'm just not really going to have parents that stick around. They either die, or they just leave. It happens," Steve shrugged.

Robin let out a strangled noise, jumped up, and hugged him tightly.

"I'll be your dad!" Robin exclaimed.

"Robin!"

"Dad."

"Robin!"

"Dad!"

"I am not calling you that! You're younger than me!" Steve exclaimed.

Suddenly, there was a loud thunk that came from outside the apartment. Robin jumped away from Steve, her eyes wide.

"What the hell was that?" Robin asked.

"I don't know, stay behind me," Steve said and grabbed a lamp off the table.

They burst out of the apartment and heard the sound of scurrying feet as whoever it was flew out the curtains. Steve and Robin followed them until they heard the voices. They stopped at the curtain when they heard Dustin and Lucas.

"I'm going to my mom, and I'm going to make Steve my brother!" Dustin hissed at Lucas.

"No, I'm going to make Steve my brother!" Lucas exclaimed.

There was a long pause, so long that Steve thought they had left.

"Should we both just talk to each of our parents and make him brother to both of us?" Dustin asked.

"Yeah, that sounds fair," Lucas said.

They heard them walk out the door, and they peered through the curtain before entering the salon.

"What the hell was that about?" Steve asked.

"I think they want to adopt you, Steve," Robin said with a soft smile.

"Either that or kidnap me," Steve said.

"Probably a bit of both," Robin grinned.

They walked back into the apartment, and Steve set the lamp back onto the table. Robin plopped back on the floor again to continue reading the journals. It didn't take her long to finish.

"Ugh!" Robin exclaimed, clutching the journals to her chest.

"What?" Steve asked.

"Your grandparents! Their story is so beautifully poetic and heartbreaking. . .to have your own kid. . . and Steven! Oh my God! Steven! The love of your grandparents' lives but two different kinds of love. . . And you were named after him!" Robin exclaimed. "I never read anything so beautiful. Your grandfather was a wonderful writer."

"Are you going to keep losing it over my grandfather's journals, or are you actually going to help me clean like you promised?" Steve asked.

"Keep losing it," Robin sighed, and Steve glared at her. "Fine. Let's get to work. Meanwhile, we get to talk about your love life. Have you guys set a date yet?"

"Haven't really had time to talk about that," Steve said. "So, no."

"Okay. Well, once you guys get all settled, you guys need to come together and use your senses to find others like us. . .particularly girls for me. Ooh! Eddie can use his powers!" Robin exclaimed.

"One, that wouldn't be an appropriate use of his powers, and second, that would be an invasion of other people's privacy," Steve said. "Also, that's not how Eddie's powers work."

"Damn, you're right, now what?" Robin asked.

"Well, you could get to know people," Steve said.

"That sounds. . .exhausting," Robin sighed. "But I think it's my only option."

They had gotten pretty busy cleaning the place, dancing and singing to the sound of the radio as they did so. They didn't stop until they heard people coming in from downstairs. Steve turned off the radio and walked downstairs with Robin. He pulled back the curtains to find Dustin with his mom and the Sinclairs.

"Oh, Steve, look at you," Claudia cooed and hugged him carely.

"Like I told you the other day, I'm fine, Claudia," Steve said.

"We'll be the judge of that," Sue said.

"Man, it's been a minute since I've been in here," Charles grinned. "You think of opening it in honor of your grandfather?"

"Thinking about it," Steve said with a nod.

"Well, you're a lot like Otis, so I firmly believe that you're going to be a natural just like him," Sue said.

"Oh, you should have seen how Dusty had his hair for the Snow Ball. It was all, thanks to Steve, that it turned out so cute," Claudia said.

"This is actually pretty cool," Erica said, looking up at the artwork on the wall.

"We actually came to see if you needed any help," Sue said.

"You're Robin, yes?" Claudia asked.

"Yes, ma'am," Robin saluted.

"You wouldn't mind, would you, if you brought the kids upstairs while we talked to Steve?" Claudia asked.

"Of course!" Robin exclaimed. "Alright, kiddos, who wants to mock Steve’s old baby pictures?"

The kids followed Robin up the stairs, leaving Steve alone downstairs with the adults.

"Am I in trouble?" Steve asked.

"No, son, this is a good thing," Charles sighed.

"What's this about then?" He asked.

"Your grandfather was a good man, but, of course, you know that your father isn't," Sue scowled.

"Otis couldn't hide how hurt he was when his son turned against him, and despite the fact that John tried to hide it, he clearly hated his father. No one could understand why," Charles said.

"It wasn't anything that Grandpa did. Dad just couldn't stand who Grandpa really was, even though it did nothing to harm anyone. It was just who he was as a person," Steve said softly. "Dad can't stand anyone who's different."

"That is obvious," Sue sighed.

"We heard you were moving out of the house, and we just want you to know that you're our family just as much as our kids," Claudia said.

"As far as I'm concerned, you're our baby as much as Erica and Lucas," Sue said.

"We also wanted you to know that you do have parents who love you," Claudia said.

"You've done so much for your brothers and sister. Erica won't stop going on about how they wouldn't have made it out of that fire if it hadn't been for you," Sue said.

"And you stood up to Hargrove when he attacked Lucas," Charles said.

"You protected all the kids," Claudia said. "You are a good man, Steve. We're so proud of you. We love you."

"I-I love you too," Steve said in shock.

He didn't expect this to happen today, and he was a little overwhelmed by it all. He hadn't received this much affection from a parent since his grandfather had been alive, and it looked like it was going to be something he was going to have to get used to. Claudia smiled and pulled him into a hug, which caused the dam to break. Steve burst into tears. Claudia hugged him tightly, and he felt Sue run her fingers through his hair. Once he stopped crying, he pulled away from both of them allowing Charles to pull him into a hug as well.

"You have a home with all of us, son," Charles said.

"So, none of this Sue, Charles, and Claudia crap. We're mom and dad now," Sue said sternly.

"Okay. . .mom," Steve said.

It left a weird feeling stomach, and Steve knew it would take time to get used to having parents who actually gave a damn.

"Is he our brother now?!" Dustin's voice carried from down the stairs.

"Sorry! I tried to stop them, but they're slippery!" Robin exclaimed.

"Yeah! He's your brother now! Come on down!" Charles said.

Footsteps thundered down the stairs, and the boys burst through the curtains. Dustin and Lucas threw themselves so hard into Steve’s arms. They nearly knocked him down.

"Careful! He's still healing," Claudia said.

Steve laughed and pushed them off playfully. Erica rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Fine! I guess I'll give you one too," Erica said. "You better not tell anyone."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him a lot more carefully than the boys did. For the complaint that she made, Erica held on a lot longer than Steve thought she would.

"Alright," Sue said. "Let's get started."

"Wait, you were serious about us helping Steve clean up?" Lucas asked.

"You have a problem with helping your brother?" Sue asked, and Lucas quickly shook his head.

"I am allergic to dust," Dustin said. "Hence my name. It's ironic. I can't breathe dust in."

"You are not," Claudia giggled and hit his shoulder.

"Well, I had to try," Dustin said.

Steve laughed, a happy grin on his face as his family helped him clean up his new home and future place together. Despite what happened, things were starting to fall into place for Steve. He had a wonderful boyfriend and a girlfriend, a new best friend, and now, he had wonderful parents who seemed to love him as much as they loved their own flesh and blood children. This was what having a family was supposed to be like: delightfully chaotic. And yet, there was still a part of him that was waiting for the other shoe to drop. . .

Chapter Twelve

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myouicieloz · 6 months

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Do you have any thoughts on the rest of the girls’ trailers?

i do!! they’re not exactly theories, though… just scenarios who could possibly match that vibe.

like, for winter:

- something like jennifer’s body, yk?

- small town, nothing ever happens, everyone hates their lives, always cloudy and rainy.

- everyone’s just eager to get out

- she’s the quiet kid, always walking with her gaze glued to the ground, not caring if she’s bumping into like half the students on her way to her locker.

- and she’s got that weird aura around her, too. perhaps it's the flannel jackets, or the way her hair is constantly disheveled, or the bags under her eyes… anyway, everyone’s always weary of her.

- And they’re right

- Idk if you know jinx, but just like her, winter’s always seeing stuff, too. Like you’ll always catch her muttering to herself or shaking her head as if to discharge all the ideas off. She always seems busy, too.

- whenever she’s asked something, she’ll simply stare at whoever’s asked and huff before getting back to whatever it is that she’s doing (which is usually writing aggressively in her worn out journal).

- Her mind’s always clouded with thoughts that bother her with their intensity, clogging her brain as they confront each other constantly. it leaves her restless, hyperactive. winter wishes she’d get a single moment of pure silence.

- she has plenty of hobbies (obsessions): like mangas, science, zombies… her bedroom is full of posters and miniatures. also, there are clothes and stuff everywhere. her mother has given up on telling her to tidy it up.

- she’s never around, either. winter’s mother. being a nurse in one of the 2 hospitals in town, she takes too many shifts for the sake of her health. Winter had told her to slow down countless times until she understood: her mother loved her job. It was what fullfilled her; being with her coworkers and helping others made her life meaningful.

- so winter let her be. seeing her at least a bit less miserable made the girl feel less like she ruined her mom’s life by being born when she was still so young; barely leaving high school.

- winter’s always biting her nails, moving her legs frantically or hitting her pen on the table.

- no one ever asks her to stop, though. no one has the guts to do so.

- the first time you properly talk to her is when you get assigned to a big project together. winter would usually do those projects by herself, but the new teacher insisted no one was left without a pair. the poor woman was new to the school and still so full of life and hopes...

- she was young and naive, clearly thinking she could help with whatever it was that was wrong with winter.

- she didn’t think you’d actually accept to work at her house, truth be told, specially since it was an unspoken rule to not be at least an arm’s length near her at all times. at least it was what it seemed like, at school.

- “have you guys ever actually taken a look at her?” you answered when your friends warned you about it, “she’s so tiny and frail. anyone could win her in a fight. she’s harmless, guys.” you all laughed, as your eyes were glued on hers, in the cafeteria. she was already staring, but you didn’t mind. you just smiled back, making her blush and look away.

- you found her house too cold and gloomy, even more than the city itself. it lacked light, and you shivered as you went up the stairs. the deep shade of red of the walls reminded you of blood, and you were relieved to see the ones in her bedroom were painted a different color; surprisingly, they were purple, which made you giggle.

- you two start working, and you’re not at all surprised to find out how smart she is. she talked effortlessly about the project, being patient to answer your questions as she explained what had to be done and what you’d be doing. the work was basically all done, and she’d gladly do it all by herself, but you insisted on helping. you just hated the idea of being useless, even if it was just in a stupid lesson. you two get the work done quickly, and winter found herself enjoying her evening: you were kind, and didn’t treat her as if she were the most despicable thing on earth like people would do, at school. your sweet smiles and calm nature made her relaxed, almost as if the voices in her mind finally agreed on something: how peaceful you were.

- she caught herself staring at you again, suddenly a little at ease.

- you got comfortable around her, too. which was why you had come to her again, days later you’d turned in the assignment.

- “would you help me, please? you’re like, super smart, and i don’t really want people to know i’m failing.” you asked her for some tutoring over that same class, and she reluctantly agreed to it.

- you stared going to her house everyday after classes and winter was growing fond of you, loving to have your full attention. you even took her to the local fun fair, which was one of the best nights she’d ever had since she could remember.

- you two were somewhat friends, even though your friends always would always send you weird looks once you started defending winter whenever they talked shit about her in your presence. she kept your secret—about the grades, and you were truly grateful for her help. you found her sweet, funny and very observant. which she was, indeed.

- in fact, winter was so observant she was the only one to notice the bruises on your arms and shoulders, even thought they were well hidden in the thick hoodies you never took off, not even inside.

- she didn’t say anything at first, thinking the things you did were none of her business. but as the days went by, and you were still trying to hide them, she started to wonder.

- “did you do those to yourself?” she asked, one day, while you were focused on doing a few exercises your fucking teacher had said were worth some extra points, ones you needed badly. her words, though carefully elaborated, made your eyes widen, as you shook your head furiously.

- “n-no, of course not.” you’d told her, toying with her hands as you decided wether or not to tell her. but it was just winter, right? there wasn’t anyone she couldn’t possibly tell, and she had kept your secret, once.

- with that in mind, you took a deep breath before explaining about how your uncle had been living with you, your siblings and your parents ever since he lost his job. all he does is spend the whole day drinking and watching tv, but sometimes, he gets frustrated with his own stupid ass and with the miserable life he has in this fateful city. in one of those days, he was specially mad, and threw you against the wall right after you had arrived home and stopped by the living room before going upstairs.

- you assure her it’s ok—he’s getting a job and moving out soon, but winter’s grip on her pencil was proof enough of her rage.

- she made you promise you’d tell her if it ever happened again. and, as much as she wanted to call the authorities immediately, you forced her to sit back down, begging her not to. you didn’t want to cause any trouble, specifically since he’d soon be gone, you reiterated.

- “yes, he’ll be gone.” was all she answered, her gazed fixed on your face. you shivered at her cold tone, but forced yourself to shrug it off.

- once you were gone, all winter could think about was your beautiful skin, all marked because of that fucker. this wasn’t how it was supposed to be: not to you, the dearest person she’d ever known. you were so sweet, empathic, and nonjudgmental… the thought of someone making you suffer was enough for her to nearly destroy her room, trowing things in the air to try to rub off the anger. however, it did nothing to ease her restless mind; the thoughts were back, now as loud screams in her head, agreeing on something for the first time: that winter had to make your uncle pay for hitting you.

- she forced herself back into her desk as she planned her future actions. it took her days, but she managed to finally come up with a perfect plan.

- winter waited patiently for you to leave home as she sneaked into your place, dragging her feet through the carpet. she took her time observing the fucker, hammer throbbing in her hands as she watched him get himself even more waisted, dropping a beer after the other.

- she finally decided to put her plans into action as he went into the guest room, probably to do one of the 2 things he knew: drink and sleep.

- her favorite part was tearing the door open, she thinks. to get rid of the wooden chips as she delighted herself with your uncle’s screams, pleading for mercy that wouldn’t be granted to him, not after what he had done. no... no one gets to hurt you and live.

- It’s what she kept repeating to him, ducking quickly to get his pleading hands off her as she saw his movements stop, slowly.

- she cleans up after that and, when morning comes, she offers you her condolences, as soon as she spots you, in class. your eyes are red and swollen and winter hates to be the reason of your sadness, but it was necessary, after all.

- you let yourself cry in her arms, hiccups leaving your chest as you get all the stress you self out of your system. winter tried to be as empathic as she could, patting your back as she assured you that you were all safe; no one would hurt you anymore— there was no reason to be sad or scared. you nod, clinging to her as the words get etched onto your brain.

- you only realize your uncle’s murder hadn’t been shared with people from outside your family circle weeks later. as if you’ve been woken up from a trance, you shift uncomfortably besides your friends as your eyes found hers, once again. your body trembled with fear as you refused to acknowledge all the patterns launched right into your face.

- immediately, winter smiled, with all the feigned innocence she’d been showing you all those months. it didn’t matter what you thought: you were safe, and you were hers. forever.

this is too messy sorry ^^ i wrote it in the middle of my lecture lol

#sol writes #winter x reader #aespa x fem reader #aespa winter #kim minjeong #s.answers

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kinnenvy · 4 months

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In defense of season five Brian Kinney

(this has been in my drafts for months because i'm scared to post it sjkfhs)

We all feel a certain kind of way about season five, it's like... kind of unfortunate from beginning to end lmao. BUT STILL the one thing that I will always do is try to defend that babygirl, I will carry him out of the storm of criticism princess style and take him home on a white horse.

disclaimer: this is a confused stream of consciousness and I will get some things wrong because it's the season I've watched the least lol.

Why does Brian act the way he does? We know why he acts a certain way throughout the series and to me his behaviour in s5 is not that unwarranted or different from the other seasons.

1) At the end of season 4 he asks Justin to move in, he talks about wanting to spend more time with Gus, but does any of it happen? no.

Justin leaves and Brian is happy and proud of him, but honestly I would also see why that would make him feel a certain kind of way. He already thinks he doesn't deserve love and companionship and one of the few times he asks for it he doesn't get it. He prepares a trip to go see Justin, but at the last second he decides not to go, he gets cold feet because it sound like Justin is leaving him forever. Sort of, kind of, but it's enough. The same happens with Gus (imo). Like he's accepted that with time all his relationships will end and no one actually wants him to fight for them, because no one actually likes him enough to want to stick around. But do you know who will always stay by his side? Michael. Until...

2) Confession... I don't hate the assimilation plotline. It was handled horribly, but I still think it's pretty cool they dedicated so much time to it. They were doing this in the early 2000s and now most lgbtq+ media can't handle to seriously get anywhere close to it.

Brian and Michael's roles are on the opposite spectrum of the debate and Justin ping pongs between them way too pointedly, because (imo) the writers decided to use him as a plot device instead of a character. (Unironically to me Justin feels the most like Justin when he is being a dick to his mom about her boyfriend) (and even then I find myself questioning whether s4 Justin would do or say any of that)

ANYWAY Brian sees his best friend/brother travel where he can't follow him. Michael has a family, he is married, he has a house in the suburbs, new, more mature friends and Brian is looking at him from afar, wondering why he suddenly thinks the life they've shared is a meaningless, shameful thing of the past. Not directly, but in a way wondering why Michael can't just accept him the way he is anymore.

BTW Brian might have celebrated the wedding of his friends... but that doesn't mean he changed his mind on weddings as a whole. Actually his wildest marriage nightmares are proven right by the two married couples he knows. He probably looks at Mel and Lindsay destroying each other, stuck in a legal battle with Michael /and/ Ben, looks at the kids trapped in that mess and is glad that will never be him.

UNTIL IT IS. Justin, in his infinite wisdom, decides he wants all of that actually and he tries to "tame" (quoting Cowlip) Brian until he leaves him behind because the domestication isn't sticking and him alone is not worth as much as weddings and kids. There's supposed to be something MORE. Staying with Brian suddenly means settling for something lesser than what Michael has. This process starts way before the break up (talks of... puppies?) and it's there where (imo) Brian just breaks.

No Michael, no Justin, constant talk of marriage and kids and divorce and custody. No one fucking cares Brian has a reason to behave the way he does. It's normal to want different things in life, but no one in the cast has experienced what Brian has and no one tries to understand it and understand what he wants and why either.

Brian's entire existence in the series is being questioned: his worth, what he has to offer, what he can't/won't give as well as what he can/will give, what HE IS, everything amounts to literally nothing. he is being left by everyone, he's wrong and not enough. Meanwhile he hates being alone, he's needy and touch starved and sweet, he needs his special people around, but why would he ask them to stay, when they make it so clear that they think he is not worth anything? (he's left with literally only Lindsay who is so bad at keeping her mouth shut and just offering support and Ted who's mostly just thinking about his own dick 24/7 and is more of a distraction than anything else).

The only gateway to attention and affection he has left is sex except that isn't working as well anymore.

[2.2) (little aside about Justin) To me he is a bit like a moth flying into bright, shiny things. He's still stubborn and driven, but in season five his decisions feel shallow, like he's doing things out of boredom. At the start of the season he's coming back from hollywood, where he was happily living in kinney-like debauchery, and he's disappointed to be back to his old life. So (imo) he finds a new thing to obsess over: marriage. Then he gets to go to new york and weddings, kids and manors are suddenly a thing of the past. This is why to me, in season 5 he's just a big nothing of nothing, genetically modified to accompany the brian/michael assimilation plot line and then Brian's ending.]

3) Confession n 2 I don't hate Brandon and even though the competition is SO cringe, it's meant to be that way (i hope at least), to me the way it ends is what makes it clear. We get a glimpse of season one Brian, broken and lost, terrified, hanging onto the one thing that makes him feel wanted, safe and alive (sex). He wins, but the ending to the competition is not satisfying, Brian doesn't claim his prize (he doesn't want it). We get an unsettling, super close close up on Brian and Brandon instead, the lines are not good, but the visual storytelling carries that scene effortlessly. Past and present looking at each other, the future looming over them right out of frame where none of us can see it.

Aging is a main theme throughout the story and to me it feels very fitting to ham it up towards the ending. Justin spitefully telling him he looks good after sighing and moping around for entire episodes can't fix Brian's lifelong obsession with the loss of his youth. Brian is left to deal with it on his own when it's at its worst. He is old and lonely, Brandon and the competition is an escape, one last glimpse at what it's like to be the young, hot, reigning stud of Liberty Avenue, while being fully aware that his time is up.

In conclusion, Brian has not taken steps back imo, he is struggling to come to terms with the changes around him, while also feeling confident about his own convictions. Sometimes he is bitter and lonely and we get to see him say extreme things, but he's also more well adjusted than he was in season 1. He knows what he wants but he's still scared to admit it. Partly because (and the failure with the moving in thing could be a factor in this) he doesn't think he should ask for anything, partly because the people he loves are expecting him to change even more and against his will.

A the same time, he is able to question himself because he has grown and worked through some of the trauma that shaped him, also he has found a new kind of intense love with Justin, different from the codependency he has with Michael (and Lindsay) and the surface level friendship he has with everyone else, which is something that has made him realise so much about himself and what he wants and would like to be.

For the same reasons he is able to look at his empire crumbling and accept it, because during the show he found other reasons to fight and stay alive. When those same reasons are taken away from him, or he doesn't find the courage to go after them, he tries to comfort himself through sex, even if it's unsuccessful, but he's not closing into himself like he used to. He still thinks he'll get Michael back eventually and he's happy to let Justin go if it means he'll find what he is looking for, Brian doesn't want another relationship he doesn't care for it, the only reason Justin became his boyfriend is because he forced his way into his life and his heart ugh cringe lol. Obsessing over sex, age and fighting with his loved ones is not necessarily a sign of regression, just a momentary way to cope with the world pulling the rug from under his feet.

He went from attempting suicide to celebrating being cancer free. He wants the people who make him happy to be happy, even if it hurts him. He's not possessive and he's not particularly brave when it comes to relationships, but he's also growing constantly, willing and unwilling he changes and moves forward in his own way, sometime turning to look at the past but with no excuses, no apologies, no regr[GUNSHOT]

Then episode 10 comes and a lot more shit happens that i could write another 20 pages about but im done for now lmao ok bye

#qaf #queer as folk #meta #queer as folk us #brian kinney #possibly my last contribution to the fandom rip kinnenvy on ao3 #i don't know why anyone would want to read this but i want it in my blog in case i forget how weird and obsessive i can get

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transgenderknothead · 1 year

Text

The Funeral

Warnings: Spoilers, Death, mentions of depression, suicide, funeral, Travis’s dad(brief mention), ugly crying, descriptions of a dead body(in casket)

AU: Sal never killed anyone, no one went crazy, no cult, Larry’s body is still there after he dies

Pairing: Larry x Twin!reader, Sal x StepSibling! reader, Travis x Best Friend!reader

Pronouns used: They/Them

POV: Y/N

None of us could believe he’d done it. My brother had suffered depression since his early teen years, but now, he was gone. I curled into myself in the corner of the room, trying to make myself as small as possible. I hid my face behind my knees in an attempt to hide my tears, but Travis noticed. Of course he would, he’d never gotten along with my brother but he was my best friend.

“Hey,” he spoke softly, unusual for him, “listen, I’m not sure what to say, I’ve never had a death this personal to someone I knew.”

I lifted my head to give him a half-assed smile. I leaned onto his shoulder, letting out a breath.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” I admitted, “I can’t remember a minute we weren’t either sitting in our room or up in the tree house together.”

“Yeah,” he placed his hand on my back awkwardly. I knew of course, about him, I was the only one that knew. His dad watched us from across the room, making eye contact with Travis before he nudged me to sit up.

“Fuck, I’m gonna miss him,” I rested my hands in my face. He stayed silent this time, just rubbing my back.

“Did he leave you a note?” it was an innocent question, but it brought tears to my eyes.

“Yeah, I’m gonna read part of it for my speech.”

“Would you rather I go get Sal? He’s probably better at this than I am,” He spoke after a moment.

“Yeah,” I laughed a little, more tears slipping out when I looked over at the casket. Travis got up next to me and disappeared into the small crowd of people who knew him from school. Sal walked towards me, his prosthetic left at home. The area around his scars were puffy, probably from scratching out of habit.

“Hey Y/N/N,” he greeted gently, “God, you’re worse than Lisa.”

I hadn’t even thought about how my mom was feeling, she was probably breaking down somewhere near Harry. Sal sat with me, pulling at the collar of his suit.

“I can’t do this,” sobs escaped my lips.

“Have you seen him yet? It might help accept it, it helped me with my mom.”

I shook my head, Sal standing and pulling me to my feet. He carefully guided me over to the wooden box, and looking at my brother laying there broke me further. His skin has turned ashy, his eyes sunken in. If not for those features, and the lack of snoring, I would have thought he was asleep.

“Hon, their ready for your speech,” Mom put her hand on my shoulder, puffy eyes and all she still smiled at me. I stood on the podium a moment, trying to find the words.

“My brother,” I started, “most people who commit suicide don’t leave notes, but he left two, one to me and one to Sal, I would like to read just a little bit of mine, censored of course we all knew Larry. Y/N, I’m sorry. I am so sorry I left you like this, I’m sorry I couldn’t go on, and I’m sorry that I stared you in the face for months, and pretended to get better. You have to keep going though, move on, get out of this town, you’re gonna do great things. I’m sorry I won’t be there to see them.”

I left the podium, silently reading the rest to myself, the other’s didn’t need to hear it. I love you, I promise I do. And I hate having to leave the same way Dad did, but I cannot keep going, and you cannot keep being held back. Your favorite brother, Larry. Goodbye kid, take anything you need from my closet to help get through this.

#sally fisher #sally face #sal fisher #sal fisher x reader #larry johnson #larry x reader #Sal and Larry #larry johnson x reader #sally face larry #travis phelps #travis phelps x reader #lisa johnson

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letsbenditlikebennett · 1 year

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Family Reunion || Alex, Andy, & Kaden

TIMING: Pre-Launch PARTIES: @declinlalune @chasseurdeloup @letsbenditlikebennett CONTENT: Parental death mentions SUMMARY: After some #stuff went down with his sister, Kaden is in Wicked's Rest and Bennett sisters' doorstep.

Kaden didn’t know what the hell he was in for when he stepped onto the front porch, brushing his boots across the welcome mat in Wicked’s Rest, Maine. He expected his cousin Andy, sure, but it had been years since they’d seen one another. They kept in contact but texts and letters were never quite the same as being face-to-face. He tapped the edge of his knuckles against the door, sure that Andy would hear it even if anyone else might not. His bag shifted downwards and he shrugged his shoulder to keep it from falling to the ground. He didn’t have a lot, but he probably looked like he was ready to go backpacking the woods here, not someone expecting an awkward family reunion. The door opened and his breath caught in his lungs, unaware he’d been nervous for the moment until it smacked him in the face. “Bonjour,” he said awkwardly, his duffle bag flopping onto the concrete stoop as he attempted a small wave of his hand.

Andy knew that reaching out to Kaden could have ended badly, especially when it came to either his mom or sister catching wind of it. But she hadn’t ever had an issue with him specifically. It was easy to tell that there was something dragging him away from his own intent to honor the hunter code, it just hadn’t happened then. Obviously now it had, especially when he had sent word that he would be joining her and Alex in Wicked’s Rest. The knock on the door sent the hairs at the back of Andy’s neck upward, because realistically, she knew it wasn’t the mailman. She took a deep breath before glancing around, hoping that the little home she and Alex had been growing into looked inviting enough before she took to the door, pulling it open to reveal their cousin in the doorway. He looked nervous in the same way that Andy felt nervous, but she immediately let the smile pull at the corners of her lips. “It’s nice to see you made it in one piece.” Truthfully, Andy wasn’t sure what she expected of him, but she was glad to see that he hadn’t undergone some traumatic injury to finally push him out of his mother’s arms.

It was hard for Alex to piece together how she felt about her cousin coming to stay with them. There was a time as a young kid when she would have been ecstatic to see Kaden. She remembered enjoying his company more than his sister’s, but that was all mixed into a hazy time of befores. Before her parents died, before she turned into the very thing they were supposed to hate, before everyone in the family knew what she had always known– she was defective. No matter how much she looked like her sister, she got the shit end of the genetic lottery and there were clearly no hunter genes to be found within her. Andy could accept that, but could Kaden? Could she really even expect him to when she could barely accept it herself? Her foot tapped anxiously against the freshly mopped floor as she heard the footsteps coming up the way. If Andy was as worried as she was, she didn’t show it. Alex tried to mimic the smile Andy wore but only managed a grimace and a half-hearted wave. “Bonjour,” she croaked, not moving forward as she tried to decipher if he realized it yet. She chewed at her lip as she studied him and gestured toward the couch and asked, “Is this gonna be okay?” It was a loaded question that admittedly had little to do with the shitty thrift store couch and a lot more with the werewolf-shaped elephant in the room.

Kaden couldn’t tell who was more nervous, him or Andy, whether that was his heart pounding in his ears or hers. There was something else, though. At first, Kaden was sure that he was imaging the familiar tingle down his spine, that it was just paranoia. Then he saw Alex standing there in the entryway behind her sister. Putain, when had she grown up? Last time he saw her she was so small, still struggling to keep up at camp. The memories didn’t linger long in his mind as the sense that something was off only got stronger, the hairs on his arm prickling on edge. The words she said lost all meaning as his brow furrowed. There was no way that she was– Was she? His eyes darted back to Andy, expecting to see some sort of explanation from her. “When did–” The question never fully formed because the answer came before he could even ask. They’d run away, without a word. His mother had called it betrayal. “Are you seri–” He clamped his jaw shut, cutting off his words again before looking away and letting out a deep sigh. “Putain de merde,” he muttered under his breath as he stepped inside and flung his bag onto the couch. He wanted to flinch away at the sensation screaming danger throughout his body as he passed his cousin but he’d spent enough time around Damien that he was practiced enough on how to hide it. “Guess it’ll have to be,” he said, turning back to face the pint-sized werewolf he was apparently going to be living with. For now.

Kaden’s expression changed like lightnins— what had been expectant and nervous with a hint of hope shifted into something that Andy recognized in the features of everyone who could recognize Alex for what she now was. She felt her skin crawl, but not because of the inherent recognition of the wolf behind her, but because she knew she would have to protect Alex from Kaden if it came down to that. She watched him carefully, a smile still poised easily on her features. He was clearly confused, and if Alex weren’t behind her, already apprehensive, Andy would have driven into him just what she expected with him staying there. Instead, she moved aside as he threw down his bag onto the couch. “It isn’t as uncomfortable as it looks.” She closed the door behind him, careful to scan the tree’s lining before letting it shut completely. “You’ll be fine though, you look tough— a few springs shouldn’t jack your shit up completely.” Andy watched Kaden carefully before crossing her arms over her chest, smile still intact. “This has sorta been our lives for the past…” Her gaze cut to Alex, then quickly back to Kaden, “thirteen years? You’ll get used to it.” Whether it was about the fact that Alex was a wolf, or the fact that their current situation wasn’t the nicest, Andy didn’t bother elaborating.

The next thirty seconds felt as if they had lasted hours for Alex. She watched carefully as Kaden processed what she was, looking for any mannerisms that would indicate the inevitable, that he’d think her a monster and walk right out the door. She braced herself for it, the rejection she knew she’d meet from anyone in her family besides Andy. As much as she told herself it didn’t matter, that she was fine with or without her cousin’s approval, she still felt her stomach sink as she watched him process in a level of neutralism she knew had been trained into him. Just as soon as the feeling set in, his bag was landing on the tattered old brown couch that had been in the cabin before they’d even moved in. It didn’t smell the greatest, but hey, at least rangers didn’t have a heightened sense of smell.

Somehow, Andy was managing to keep her cool as Alex’s insides did somersaults as she took in the fact Kaden was staying despite the fact she was a werewolf. And seemingly wasn’t pulling a weapon on her. She wasn’t sure what was worse, the anticipation or the feeling of hope that followed knowing he was going to stay.

“Thirteen years is about right,” Alex agreed, biting back the melancholy that threatened to tinge her tone. Her arms crossed over her chest as her cousin looked her way again, still unable to fully shake the feeling of being exposed. “We’re careful,” she tried to assure, unsure if it was herself or Kaden that needed the reassurance, “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” She was feeling way too seen and shifted on her feet before she announced, “We have cheese and wine! We thought it’d be familiar, right And?”

Kaden sighed and leaned against the side of the couch, or rather, his new bed. “Let’s hope the super healing helps me survive this piece of shit,” he told her, attempting a half hearted smile. He folded his arms across his chest, trying to take in the place and his cousins. They’d both grown so much, it was odd not seeing the little red-head kids he remembered them as standing in front of him. He was glad he kept in touch with Andy but there was a pang of guilt looking at them. Thirteen years. He’d missed out on thirteen years. All because “duty came first.” Merde.

He couldn’t keep eye contact with Alex when she spoke, said she was careful. He tried to be careful with Damien. He knew he didn’t want to hurt anyone either. And in the end it didn’t matter. He couldn’t look at Alex. He couldn’t risk opening up the wound, it was too fresh. And the last thing he was going to do was open up about any of his bullshit in front of her. She may have been thirteen years older than she was the last time he saw her, but she was still a kid. Kaden took a deep breath and swallowed back the thoughts running through his mind before turning back to catch Alex’s eyes. “That so?” he said, a more genuine smile breaking through. “Alright, show me what you’ve got. It can’t be any worse than what they tried to call food on the plane.”

Andy stood in silence as Alex spoke. She watched Kaden carefully, but from the outside looking in, it wouldn’t seem she was considering anything at all— instead, it’d appear that she was simply excited to have her cousin under her roof. Alex was right, though. That they were careful. That they had been from the moment Andy realized what had happened. There’d been a few hiccups here and there, but clearly it wasn’t anything that Andy hadn’t been able to manage, at least from a stone’s throw away. Even so, it was hard, and sometimes she felt as though the world were falling beneath her feet, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to delve into any of that, not with either of them.

“Cheese and wine.” Andy did a poor attempt at jazz hands before moving towards the cupboards. She pulled down three mismatched mugs. “You want the Smokey the Bear mug, or do you want the butterfly one? The number one dad mug is mine.” She put them down onto the counter with a slight clunk and grabbed the wine bottle that she opened before Kaden had arrived. With her back still turned, Andy let her smile falter slightly. With shaking hands, she poured the mugs half way with the cheap drugstore wine. By the time she turned back around to face either of them, the smile was back in place. “Alex, grab the paper plates. Kaden, the bathroom is at the end of the hall if you want to wash up.”

While Alex was certain the little cheese board on a budget they had set up was way better than plane food, the reality was that it was far worse. The cheap drug store wine was at least of the bottle variety this time around and was fancy compared to anything else they would have bought or nicked for themselves, but the cheese was decidedly not of the French variety. Alex had still been a combination of anxious and excited as she insisted on slicing the Velveeta cheese block and arranging the crackers. She wanted to get it just right, because as much as she could tell herself she didn’t need Kaden’s or anyone else’s approval, it’d be a lie to say she didn’t want it. So she felt a small little surge of hope as it came time for her cousin to pick a mug, hoping he’d pick her favorite Smokey the Bear mug. “Definitely better than plane food, I don’t even think planes have Hot Cheetos.”

Somehow, Andy seemed just totally fine and at ease with the whole situation, but she always did. It was a marvel to Alex. She was older now than Andy had been when she essentially took on the role of caregiver and Alex couldn’t imagine keeping things this together. It was hard to bite down the feeling of jealousy, but she managed and quickly hopped over to the cabinets. “Plates, you got it,” she answered as she was already pulling a few down from the shoddy wooden cabinet, “Merde!” She quickly readjusted the door on the cabinet that was threatening to fall off the hinges. “Okay, we’re good. The cabinet lives another day.”

Paper plates? And mugs? For wine? Kaden sighed and said “give me the bear one, I guess.” Beggars couldn’t be choosers, he supposed. Looking around the cabin, he wondered if he was the one that needed to wash up. Even so, he said “got it,” and headed to the restroom. A moment alone didn’t seem like a bad idea.

He closed the door and braced his arms against the edge of the sink. It wobbled under the pressure almost immediately so he rocked his weight back onto his heels. Putain de merde. How did he get here? Yeah, yeah by plane but how the hell did his life end up taking this turn? He ran from his family. Because he couldn’t kill a werewolf. Well, yeah, that’s because he wasn’t a werewolf, he was Damien. It wasn’t the same. Only, it was, in a way. That thought had been weighing on him the whole way here. And now a werewolf was in the other room. His cousin. “Merde,” he said under his breath. Right, he couldn’t stay in the bathroom forever. He turned the water on and splashed some on his face before quickly washing his hands, wiping them dry on his jeans on his way back to the kitchen.

He came back just in time to see Alex swinging the cabinet door open and nearly falling off its own hinges. Kaden lunged to catch it, just in case that turned out to be the case but miraculously, it remained in one piece. “I can fix that up if you get me your tool kit,” he said, a look of concern falling onto his face. He had a feeling there was a lot around here that needed fixing up. Right, he took a sip from his mug of wine and had to resist grimacing too visibly. “Wine” was a generous word for whatever this was. It was tempting to put it down but in the corner of his eye, he caught the waves of eagerness from Alex. Guess he was going to drink this whole thing, wasn’t he?

His resolve to be polite almost ended before it started when he saw the “cheese.” He blinked a few times and wondered how they survived this long. “It’s… orange,” he said, trying to keep his voice from sounding too judgemental. “I didn’t know cheese came in that color. What kind is it?” Merde, it was probably better not to ask but it was too late now.

The soft glug of wine pouring into the smokey bear mug followed Kaden on his way to the bathroom. She wanted to say something, to check on Alex and see how she was, but she knew that Kaden would easily hear from the other room. The last thing she needed was for him to believe that they didn’t trust him. Wouldn’t that only be a cause for further contention? Andy smiled at Alex as she bound towards the cabinet. She picked up hers and Alex’s wine-filled mugs, carrying them to the four-seater table. It had happened so many times before that when the cabinet made the sound as if it’d fall right off the hinges, Andy didn’t bother to react. Instead, she watched as Kaden lunged for the door. “What are you, the Gordon Ramsey of cabinetry?” Andy snorted and motioned towards the chair as Kaden picked up his own mug of wine.

She could tell by the look on Kaden’s face that he was not impressed by the cheese they’d supplied. If Andy could have whipped her phone out and taken a photo, she would have. “It is orange. Glad you know your colors.” She pulled out her own chair and plopped down, one foot on the edge of her seat with the number one dad mug resting on her knee. “It’s velveeta, a delicacy. Best with crackers, and also with noodles, depending on if you grab that kind instead of the non-melty block.” She watched for his expression to further distort before looking at Alex with a smile. “It’s our favorite.”

The cabin had a ton of little quirks around it with makeshift fixes that had become second nature at this point. Sometimes, in a moment of excitement, it was easy for Alex to move a little too overzealously and forget, but her reflexes had gotten better with being a werewolf if nothing else. It wasn’t so much that she moved faster– the small changes in sound and movement in the air were just easier to hear. The pantyhose were still tightly in place around the hinges, but the instinctive way Kaden moved toward the cabinet to make sure it didn’t fall on her brought on a warm feeling that was usually reserved for moments between her and Andy. It was nice he still gave a shit despite the fact she was a werewolf. It was the smallest thread of trust being woven into place that made it easier for her to relax into the idea of his presence in their home.

Alex looked at the Hello Kitty lunchbox on the shoddy shelf and the blue plastic bin under it, “Tools are kinda scattered between those lunchbox and blue thing,” she explained, “It’s pretty much just the basics and pantyhose are easier to st– cheaper. They’re cheaper.” While she couldn't be sure where Kaden stood on capitalism and shoplifting, she figured the werewolf bomb was enough potentially troubling news for one evening. “And surprisingly durable,” she added enthusiastically, hoping she covered her bases on that one.

The mention of Gordon Ramsey made Alex snort audibly. She could kinda see Kaden mumbling calling them some variation of an idiot sandwich in French. “Well, we know our landlord ain’t it when it comes to being the Gordon Ramsey of kitchen cabinets,” she laughed, “Or any other repairs. But hey, rent’s cheap so can’t really complain.” She looked to Kaden and joked, “Just don’t start calling us idiot sandwiches. I will accept Gordon Ramsey on the kids’ cooking shows attitude only, thanks.”

“Pantyhose?” Kaden asked, brow raised. He leaned over and sure enough, the pair of tights was the only thing there holding the hinges together. “Putain de merde, I don’t know how you can leave it like that.” He reached for the pink lunchbox with flowers and some cat creature on the front and then the blue box. She wasn’t wrong, there were tools in there, but it was certainly lackluster. “I’ll look at it later,” he said, closing the lunchbox shut. He would make a point to go by a hardware store sometime soon but he figured he should figure out what else needed piecing together before making the trip. For now, he let it be and slumped down in the chair across from Andy.

“Gordon who?” He shook his head, no clue who they were going on about. He was afraid to ask if this was an endearing term or otherwise. Instead he sat and stared at the cheese. Velveeta. Sounded more like a disease than a cheese. It was horrifying. And there was a “melty” vs “non-melty” block. Nothing about that sounded appetizing. Grocery store was also on his list of places to stop by. Still, he reached out and grabbed a square of orange cheese and placed it on a cracker. It tasted about as much like plastic as he expected to so he was thankful for the wine in the mug to act as a chaser. He gulped it all down as fast as he could before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “A delicacy, huh?” He shook his head as the silence hung for a moment. It all felt surreal. He was here in America sitting in a cabin with his cousins who he hadn’t seen in years, one of whom was a werewolf. All because his sister– The thought threatened to choke him. Another chug of his wine helped push it back down.

“It’s easy, we get busy, we forget.” Really, neither she or Alex had taken the time to actually fix it. It was easy to deal with as is, so what was the point? It was the least of their worries, and to be fair, the cabinet didn’t always fall off the hinges. Only sometimes. Andy laughed at Alex’s comment about idiot sandwiches. He did look the type to use it, and if he ever figured out what they were referencing, they might be done for. “The beef wellington dude. That’s what he got famous for, right?” She shot a look at Alex before her gaze wandered back to Kaden as he picked up the cracker with cheese.

“Yeah, a delicacy.” It was easy to tell that Kaden wasn’t impressed. Why would he be? But he had taken it upon himself to move here, and though Andy hadn’t exactly gotten to the bare bones of why yet, it wasn’t something she necessarily felt like digging up. If he wasn’t going to grill her in the next room about Alex, she wasn’t going to pester him about why he had decided to up and leave Lyon. While he had a mother to worry about him, Andy wasn’t all too sure that she actually was. Not with Keira around. “Do you like the wine?” She raised her own mug and took a sip before reaching over for a cracker and piece of cheese. “If you don’t, there’s a white in there somewhere, but it’s been opened for a while, so it’s probably gonna taste weird.”

“It’s functional,” Alex shrugged, not really all that fazed by their frankly resourceful fixes around the cabin. They spent so long jumping from place to place, living out of the car or shitty motel rooms that this was practically luxury for them. She got the feeling it wasn’t quite up to Kaden’s normal standard of living and some more permanent fixes might be nice. The gesture behind it wasn’t entirely lost on Alex either.

The realization that Kaden didn’t know who Gordon Ramsey was made her giggle a bit as she took a seat at the table, drinking from her mug as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Wine wasn’t her favorite drink, she found she much preferred a good Bud Light or White Claw, but it wasn’t bad. Went well with the cheese and all. “You don’t know who Gordon Ramsey is,” she marveled, “Big, world-famous chef. Has like a ton of Michelin stars? But she’s right, he’s like extra known for his beef wellington.”

Silence lingered for a moment as they settled into place with the cheese and wine. There was a certain brevity to it that left Alex with questions, ones she knew better than to pry for immediately upon arrival. If Kaden was here and seemingly okay with living with a werewolf, it had to be something big. There was more catching up to do before landing on beats that big. Andy was always good at bringing people out of their own heads, so Alex followed her lead. “I hope it’s good,” she added, “We sprung for the not box kind, but can say we really know the difference between good wine and box wine… or if there even is one?”

Kaden shook his head as he took another sip of the wine. “Well if there’s anything else you’re too busy to fix, just let me know. I can make a list.” He hoped Andy took it how he meant it – not a dig, just offering some way to help, as a form of thanks. She didn’t have to take him in. She could have easily told him to fuck off, especially considering the situation. Either way, it would be better, anyway, to have a project or two. That way he wouldn’t have to be alone with his thoughts for too long. He knew well enough from the plane ride that they weren’t anything he wanted to linger on. Moving forward was better, he could work on facing them later, when they were farther away, off in the distance.

“Ah, of course.” None of it rang any bells but he didn’t feel like learning anything more; it was likely to just confuse him further. “If you want me to try my hand at beef wellington, I can do that, too.” Even his worst attempt was going to be better than whatever else they had in mind for dinner. “And trust me, there’s a difference. It’s not bad, though,” he said with a shrug as he drank the rest. It was a far cry from what he’d normally have at home. Home. Right. Not sure if that was the right word for Lyon anymore. At least not right now. He threw back another glug of wine. “So, you going to tell me what you’re doing now that you’re ancient?” he said, nudging the edge of Alex’s chair leg lightly. “Last time I saw you, you were even shorter. Somehow.” It didn’t feel as natural and easy as it had back years ago, not yet. But he was determined to shake off the weirdness, if not for himself than for his family.

Andy had taken a leap in trusting Kaden to be around Alex. She didn’t know who he was now, just who he had been. He was kind to the two of them when they showed up in Lyon after their parents died, and he was being kind now. Even though the worry that this was all a trick– that Keira was sitting steady in the woods with a silver bullet for Alex because they somehow knew stayed at the back of her mind, she had to pour some faith into this relationship. She couldn’t close herself off entirely, and so allowing Kaden to enter their lives had been a huge step in that direction– in trust. Especially in family, considering the fact that none of their family were all that trustworthy when it came to all things werewolf. But it seemed as though he wanted to make a difference in their lives, or maybe he felt he needed to pay them back for letting him stay with them. Whatever it was, Andy decided to not focus on it any longer. She set her mug back down onto the table and stretched her arms above her head before resting her palms flat down on the top of her head.

“It was a joke. Honestly, the way that the bread sorta just hugs the beef, it’s creepy.” Andy wrinkled her nose in distaste before dropping her arms back to her sides, picking at the splintered wood underneath her chair. She watched Kaden as he took another sip of the wine, and then rose a brow, ready to interject at the mention of ancient, but quickly realized that he was referencing Alex. Andy snorted and took another piece of cheese, this time without a cracker, and popped it into her mouth. “Tell him about the insoles you almost convinced me to buy.” It was a lie, but the fact that she was several inches taller than her sister was something she’d never let Alex live down. “You know, those things you put in the shoes to make you taller without wearing heels.”

It would be a stretch to say they had fallen into a rhythm, but as Alex rolled her eyes at the both of them, there was a lingering sense of familiarity that she didn’t find herself wanting to shy away from, even if they were both essentially calling her short. She feigned annoyance and shot back, “Hey, I’m way taller than I was when you saw me last.”

A dramatic look was thrown in Andy’s direction as she argued, “That’s so not true! I’d never waste money on something like that.” Alex crossed her arms over her chest, only feeling a fraction of the offense she was playing up. The fact Andy was taller than her was a point of some contention, not that she would ever actually bring it up. Just like it wasn’t her sister’s fault she didn’t get the hunter genes, it also wasn’t her fault that apparently 5’1” was as tall as she was gonna get.

“But to answer your question,” Alex began as her hands fidgeted in her lap, “Mostly school. I’m on the University soccer team and intern over at the State Park, so staying busy and all.” To any other kid, that’d probably seem like a huge thing to be proud of, but it wasn’t quite up to the family standard of what she was supposed to be doing with her life. Then again, the fact they were all here said something. What? She wasn’t sure, but something. “You still keep up with football at all? There’s a good spot downtown that’ll be showing the World Cup games when they start.”

Kaden huffed out a laugh at Andy’s distaste. “Fine, I can make something else. Beef bourguignon, quiche lorraine, crepes.” It was probably the only way they were going to eat anything of substance considering this was what they thought was a delicacy. He was going to be polite as he could manage and eat the orange plastic cheese and drink the might have been better from a box wine. For now. He wasn’t going to do this indefinitely, though. He’d sooner starve. He hoped Andy didn’t take it poorly or anything; hoped that she saw it as an offer to help. He did just sort of show up and interrupted their lives. The least he could do was make sure they ate actual food now and then.

“Sounds like you’re busy,” he said to Alex. University, soccer, and an internship. It was all so normal. Kaden was impressed they managed. It somehow seemed impossible to even consider that sort of thing in their family. There was something else he was feeling, couldn’t put a pin on it. Maybe pride, but that seemed too weird. Couldn’t be that.

“Of course I do,” Kaden answered like any part of his life was still certain to him. Did he even want to keep up with sports now? Did he care? No, that was stupid. He still gave a shit. Probably. It’s not like he was a whole different person, just a new place. “I’m surprised you’re tall enough for them to let you in.” The dust was still settling, and Kaden still wasn’t sure where he fit in yet or what he wanted to do, but something felt right enough. Like it could work. At least long enough for him to find his feet again.

“Ooh, french food, haven’t had that before.” Andy grinned at Kaden, knowing well enough that him offering to make anything at all was a step in the right direction. It’d been awhile since she’d had a decent crepe, to be fair. Most of the time they were a little on the thicker side, or fell apart easily. She waved away Alex’s comment about her height and finished off her mug of wine, sliding it to the side so that she could grab a cracker, this time without the velveeta.

To say that she was glad Alex and Kaden seemed to be hitting it off was an understatement. Andy had been on her own for so long when it came to raising Alex, and though Alex didn’t necessarily need to be raised any longer, it was comforting knowing that somebody else with a few more years of life experience might be able to lend advice that Andy wouldn’t have ever thought of. She finished off her cracker and dusted her fingers off on the napkin that laid on the table, watching her cousin and sister intently.

Soccer, or football– whatever the fuck they wanted to call it, hadn’t ever been Andy’s thing, so she stayed quiet and let them talk, knowing that her opinion would just gain an eye roll. The only thing she had to offer up was that the women’s teams were hot, but she wasn’t entirely sure that was conducive to the conversation. Even though it felt odd, seeing Kaden sitting across from her without either his mother or sister in tow, there was something that felt normal, too, and she hoped it would stay that way. If things went sour due to her trust, she would never forgive herself. So she decided to believe in Kaden’s ability to keep his mouth shut, and to not hurt Alex. After all, it seemed like his own demons had run him to Wicked’s Rest, and it’d be only a matter of time before everything was laid out on the table for some mutual understanding.

The ribbing about her height was the good natured kind, the type that made it easy for Alex to settle into the situation and get a little more used to the idea of someone else being part of the little home they carved out for themselves. For so long, it had always been her and Andy. All of her memories before losing her parents were so tangled up behind the rose-tinted glasses she liked to remember her parents with, that it was all a blur that felt far away. What she knew was her and Andy and this little cabin that had become their safe haven. But now, it felt a little warmer, and it wasn’t just the extra body in the place.

Alex didn’t know why Kaden was here and there were a million and one questions she wanted to ask, but for now, she wanted to bask in the glow. She laughed and shook her head, “Haha, very funny.” She swirled the cheap wine around in her mug, not wanting to chug it back like she normally did. “You don’t have to be tall to kick ass at football,” she added matter of factly, “But we’ll catch some of the Cup games this summer, before then, Andy might drag you along to one of my games.”

Or at least, Alex found herself hoping that was the case. It’d be nice to have her sister and her cousin both out there rooting for it. It was hard to reconcile that feeling of missing family when Andy had done so much for her, but this was a nice in between. This cabin was their little safe haven– and Alex allowed herself to embrace that hopeful feeling and couldn’t shake the idea that it was only becoming more of a home for them.

#parental death tw #wr writing #threads; with andy; family reunion #threads; with kaden; family reunion #wr kaden #wr andy #threads; family reunion #(never been a natural all i do is try try try) ;; writing #(the moonlight's blinding) ;; season 1 writing

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mama-qwerty · 1 year

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What do you think Callie would make of Darkling Wade, should the two universes ever meet?

Hmmm . . . .

Okay, there are two ways this could go.

1 - Callie is a background character in the Darkling Wade universe, meaning he is the one who cares for Silver, Shadow, and Eclipse. They're not dating (as I believe that Wade is aro/ace, right?), but might be friendly, as she is with most everyone in town.

She'd find the attitude change some townsfolk have toward him ridiculous and angering, as he's still the same person, just looks different. (And seriously, the town's been through how much else, with other aliens and giant robots and magic gemstones, and THIS is what they turn their nose up at and say "Nope, not accepting it"? Like, REALLY??)

I'd imagine she'd try to reach out, especially when she realizes he's been hiding himself away, ashamed of what he's become. Bring over some meals, offer to help with the kids, that kinda thing. Just be there for him when he shouldn't be alone. Even when he doesn't want her to, in the beginning. He's a monster, he doesn't know what he's capable of, he may hurt her, she should stay away.

But she keeps coming. Because she's stubborn like that. And maybe when she reaches a point where she considers giving up, she sees how Silver is suffering, and keeps trying to offer some kindness for his sake.

And maybe, one afternoon, Wade snaps and does behave in a threatening manner toward her, because he's a monster and no one should be around him, least of all some lady he barely spoke to before all this happened. But she stays calm and tells him that he needs to get himself together, because his boys need him. HIM, no matter what shape his body is. Because inside, he's still their father, and they still need THAT Wade, regardless of how he feels about what he looks like. Then she leaves, and Wade stands in his kitchen feeling confused and ashamed and sick to his stomach for a while.

And then maybe, once he's had a chance to mull over what she said, he'll pick up the phone. And they'll talk. And maybe she'll come back, this time with some pizza in hand.

Maybe this whole experience is what kickstarts a real friendship between them.

2 - This takes place in the Qwertyverse, and Callie and Wade are either dating or good friends, which is why Eclipse saves him. The boys are really attached to Wade, as he's a really nice guy and Mom likes him a lot. So when Eclipse finds him after the accident, his instincts kick in and he transforms him to save his life.

Immediately after he transforms, he reacts much like he does in Darkling Wade universe, ie, denial, revulsion, depression, etc. Eclipse feels a mixture of hurt and sorrow--he thought he was doing a good thing saving Wade's life (and turning him into a superior form, to boot!), but Wade is really sad about being like this? He's a freak? A monster? It sends the little gremlin into a bit of self-loathing. If Wade doesn't like being a Dark, then maybe he really didn't like Eclipse all this time, either. Maybe Eclipse is a monster, too. Lots of talks from Mom and big hugs needed for the little darkling.

Callie's sympathetic with Wade--to a point. Then she reaches the "okay, pity party's over. Time to quit feeling sorry for yourself and move forward" part of tough love, because frankly, she's got a couple little boys to take care of (one of whom is questioning his own worth right now) and Wade's moping around isn't helping. She'll support him and be right there for him no matter what, but it is what it is, and sitting curled in a dark room isn't going to change him back.

She's not insensitive--far from it. She loves Wade (even if it's just as a good friend, depending on their relationship status) and it kills her to see him so down on himself. But, as a depression sufferer herself, she knows how easy it is to follow that negative thought spiral until you're convinced you'll never be happy again. Which is what Wade's doing right now.

So she sends the boys to the Wachowskis for the afternoon and has a long talk with Wade. She reassures him her feelings haven't changed. She still loves him, and wants him to be part of her life. Yes, he's different, and she's not ignoring that fact, but that's just the outside. She loves who he is, not what he looks like.

And sure, she'll miss his brown hair, and blue eyes, and the way he blushed from his neck to his ears when he was embarrassed. And his smile. She'll really miss that.

But, that being said, she already loves someone with gold-on-black eyes. She already finds the crooked smile full of sharp fangs adorable. Those scales aren't nearly so cold and hard. And she's kind of jealous of the tail. She always thought it'd be neat to have one.

But, beyond all that, he's alive, and that's what counts. He got a second chance, all because her little gremlin child loves him, too. She knows it's hard when people who used to be his friends have turned against him, but this is still new. It took some people a while to get used to all the boys, too. Especially Eclipse.

But if he just keeps being who he is, those to matter will come around. They'll see he's still Wade Whipple, the guy who loves Green Hills, and is usually found standing right next to Tom when the town is in danger. The guy who stood right next to her when Silver literally fell into her life. And who has been there ever since.

And Wade will start this talk feeling angry and dejected, and that he's nothing but a burden to her now that he's this . . . thing instead of a man. But the more she talks, the more those feelings fade. Because she's kind. And sincere. And takes his clawed hand into hers, and touches his muzzle where his stubbly cheek used to be.

And she looks him in the eyes without frowning, or turning away quickly, or flinching when he smiles.

And he'll cry. Not for the first time since he woke up like this, not by a long shot. But these tears aren't angry, or sad, or frustrated, or scared. These are grateful, relieved tears rolling down his face. And then her hands are there, wiping them away as she says soft, soothing words to him.

"Everything will be okay," she whispers, and soon there are tears in her eyes too. "You're gonna get through this. I'm here. I'll always be here for you."

And he'll reach forward, pulling her to him in a hug, the first real hug he's had since he was human, and it feels different but she wraps her arms around him and squeezes tight.

And at that moment, Wade Whipple, former human, will feel hopeful. And that maybe . . . maybe things really will be okay.

~~~~

Whoops. I just can't help myself sometimes.

#ask me #darkling wade #callie macpherson #qwertyverse

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hyperfixation-or-death · 1 year

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Currently rotating a Parallels AU in my head where Future Romane travels back instead of Future Bilal, Part 1:

Neither of them ever got over it. Romane is clinging to a sense of normalcy that hasn't been there since she was fourteen. Bilal isn't even trying to mask his desperation to undo the past anymore.

They argue. Not often, and not loudly. But the raw emotion in the hushed words still makes them both feel slightly sick.

They are bound by shared love and shared loss, and these are the very things that are looming over them like ash clouds over a burning forest.

Romane insists that she's accepted what happened, and she can almost convince herself. She pours everything she has into making sure her kids are okay. She works a job she doesn't necessarily hate. She hugs her son, and she smiles while she's video-calling Camille, and she teaches her daughter how to fry an egg, and she talks with Bilal about topics that don't make either of them cry. Because she refuses to lose anyone else.

She goes through the motions of her life, and she tries to ignore the fact that none of the hurt is settling like it's supposed to. She doesn't talk about it. She tries not to think about it. And she knows Bilal is worried, but it evens out, because he's been working late and spacing out a lot more, and she feels like there's something building up inside his head that's going to hurt him, so she's worried, too.

Then he tells her. He tells her what he's been thinking about, and she knows she was right, that this is going to hurt him. Because she's a realist, and this idea isn't real. No matter how much she wants it to be.

Bilal insists that it could work. And she knows he hasn't moved on, she's always known that, but literally trying to reverse the past? That just might be the lowest point either of them have ever reached, and she wonders how they got here.

But they keep talking about it. For some reason, she keeps hearing him out. And the more Bilal explains, the more numbers are run, the more theories they discuss? It starts to sound plausible. And that line of thought is so, so dangerous, but…what if they could fix things? What if she could fix things?

Then comes the catch, of course. Several catches, actually. The chances of surviving time travel are slim. The chances of ending up in the right timeline are even slimmer. And the chances of actually managing to fix what had gone wrong? Practically nonexistent.

And yet. If it worked, if they got a one-in-a-million second chance…they could save Sam and Victor. They could probably even save her mom. And if there was still a chance, if no one was actually gone forever, then what kind of friend would she be if she abandoned them? What kind of daughter, sister, person?

But even though the roles of daughter, sister, friend are still written into the core of her being, Romane is also a mother. And she would never put her kids through the grief she had been through. They weren't going to abandon the kids, she tells Bilal. No matter what, their kids couldn't lose both of their parents.

He agrees, of course. The idea of bringing the kids into the bunker is briefly mentioned, before being immediately discarded by both of them. Too dangerous. Risking their own lives was one thing; risking the lives of their children was another entirely.

That left one option. Someone had to stay; someone had to go. It was only a question of who.

The answer is obvious. Bilal never got over it. Bilal already had the technical knowledge about the ERN tests. Bilal could go back, and Romane could stay with the kids, and-

And then what? One of them asks the question quietly, and neither are sure who it was, because the words are far more important than the speaker.

There is a pause. And then Bilal says what she won't, that he isn't the only one who hasn't moved on. Because she can convince Camille that she's fine (over the phone), and she can convince the kids that she's fine (until they're older), and she can almost convince herself that she's fine (almost), but she hasn't managed to convince Bilal. Because he was there, and they went through it together, and they both know.

And Romane has less to lose; the only people she really has left are Bilal and the kids. And Romane has more to gain; her mother, her sister, her best friends.

The answer is not the obvious one, but it might be the least painful for both of them. She asks him if he's sure. He responds that he doesn't think either of them have been sure of anything since they were fourteen. She laughs, and the sound is hollow.

So it's settled. They have a few months to prepare. Bilal teaches her everything she might need to know about the ERN tests. She writes letters to her kids. They tell Sofia and Lieutenant Retz, and they help them plan for the aftermath of her disappearance.

The night before, Romane cries, and Bilal cries. The kids are asleep, and she won't see them again, but she hugged them for the last time an hour ago, and that will have to be enough. Bilal will take care of them, and he'll tell them everything one day. And she won't be around to see her kids grow up, but this isn't about her. It's about the people who need her. That's what it's always been about.

So they go to the bunker, and she hugs Bilal, and she hugs Sofia. Bilal presses an envelope into her hand, and asks her to open it once she makes it. If she makes it, that part goes unspoken, but they've spent enough time thinking about the risks, and there's no turning back now.

She nods, and she smiles, and she grasps his hand. And he smiles, and he nods, and he lets go.

And she walks in. And the door closes. And Romane lets herself hope.

And then she's back.

Here's the thing: by some coincidence, by random chance, she doesn't lose her memory.

And that changes everything.

Well. That and the fact that nothing ever happens the same way twice, so Bilal doesn't disappear from Sam's timeline, leaving Sam and Bilal as 14-year-olds, Victor and Romane as 17-year-olds, and the other Romane as an adult.

But here's the other thing: this version of Romane hasn't lived through the timeline where Victor kills Sam. Technically, she's currently in that timeline, which means that even though she knows how to bring them back to the start, she doesn't know about Victor's spiraling emotional state. Yet.

But that doesn't come into play yet. Because right now plot is happening, and eventually everyone reunites.

And that's where things start to get really interesting.

They know when the next test is. They know how much time they have. As long as nothing goes wrong, they'll be fine.

*cue montage of everything going wrong in rapid succession*

I'll probably make a part 2 to this that shows exactly what changes from canon in this AU, which is...a lot of things. It gets really chaotic, and really emotional, and I have not been able to stop thinking about the potential themes and plotlines of it.

#parallels #paralleles #disney parallels #parallels disney #disney paralleles #listen i have half of one scene written for it and it's so intense. and i almost cried writing it.#but i also have a few vague ideas for other scenes and they're kind of just chaos.#let me know if anyone wants to hear more about the AU!#anyways sorry about all the other unfinished fics. i will try to work on them but. y'know. life happens and such.

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curseofbreadbear · 2 years

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GIVE ME A TOPIC & I’LL WRITE A META! || ALWAYS ACCEPTING! || @flaggedred

flaggedred asked: OKAY I FINALLY DECIDED FOR THE META THING…….. Maikohl + The Afton Family

OH, THIS IS A GOOD ONE.

Now, bear (haha) in mind: Michael has KNOWN the Aftons - or rather, William Afton -- since he was a kid. William has been considered part of his family for a LONG time, not just when his mother remarried and Michael became his step-kid.

That being the case, Michael had an idealized view of William (as did his younger siblings) when he was younger. William was referred to as "Uncle Will," and the kids would happily treat him as such. None of them ever caught onto who he really was until it was too late. When Charlie died, Michael was none the wiser to who it could've been. All he knew at the time was that his sister was gone, and his family was irrevocably broken.

There was one thing that struck him around the time of Charlie’s death, though; William seemed to be both his father and his mother’s shoulder to cry on. That wasn’t such a strange thing in and of itself, as William was a beloved family friend; what bugged him was that his parents never grieved with each other. They were the ones who shared each other’s grief in the exact same way, and yet they were never open with each other about it the way they were with William.

In other words, Michael witnessed -- in little ways, each and every passing day -- his mother slowly gravitating towards William, and away from his father. For a long time, he didn't think anything of it. William was still their family, after all, and Henry was isolating himself more and more with each passing day. At the time, it made perfect sense for her to rely on him for comfort instead.

Then "the bite" happened, and once again, their world was destroyed...because of Michael. Henry lost himself in his grief, renouncing his defective machines and blaming Michael for his loss (as much as he tried to hold himself back from doing so). His mother discovered what Henry was up to in his workshop, the bots he was creating to perpetuate his denial, and they divorced within the year. She took Michael with her.

Michael wasn't all that surprised when they moved in with William. At first, he was even grateful to his "Uncle Will" for being so generous -- but then he saw his mother kiss William for the first time, and it all started to sink in. He felt sick once he realized what really might have been happening behind the scenes. His family had been falling apart for a long time, but this felt like the last straw.

[TW: PHYSICAL & EMOTIONAL ABUSE, DOMESTIC ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE]

Elizabeth was born a year into their lives together, but that year was about the furthest thing from peaceful. Now that they were under his roof, William enabled himself to vent every frustration he had against his mother, and he took every liberty to hit and belittle her. During those first few months, when Michael believed that William was a good man deep down, he would jump into the fray to try and protect her. William didn't hesitate to hurt him instead, much to their shared horror.

From there, the household became one of tension-filled torment; nobody knew when William would snap, and when he did, his harm was indiscriminate. Michael avoided going home at all costs. As much as he hated to admit it (as his mother was a victim in all of this, too), he started to resent her for falling for Afton's tricks. He resented himself for the same thing. How could either of them believed he was a good person? Why did his mother stay?

His question, in part, was answered when his mother announced that she was pregnant. William didn't ease up on his abuse because of this news; if anything, it became worse. This new baby was tenure against her, his way of chaining her to him forever. Michael stepped forward more than ever to defend his mom now, even though he was furious about the entire situation.

Again, when Elizabeth was born, matters only worsened. His mother was fragile and broken to her core, and yet William continued to beat and berate her. He even made threats against their infant daughter. Michael often had to step in and care for / protect Elizabeth, young as he was. He was still a kid, but he was more of a parent than either of them, as far as he was concerned.

As such, it was heartbreaking when Elizabeth grew up and got attached to WILLIAM, of all people. Michael feared for her every time that she approached him, and his fears were often validated. She was being raised around a monster, and he was desperate to protect her; still, he failed again and again. There were a number of instances where he had to patch up her scrapes and abrasions from when he hurt her, all while trying to hold back his tears. He wished he could do something, but he was too weak.

[END TW]

And we all know what happened next. William started building / modifying Circus Baby, a creation that was made "for Elizabeth." Elizabeth caught one glimpse of the animatronic and was obsessed, not just wanting to meet her, but wanting to become her. She painted her face to match the clown's, and occasionally wore her hair in pigtails to match. She was fascinated. She wanted to meet Circus Baby so terribly. Alas, when she did...

Well, Michael lost yet another sibling -- and that was his last straw. He confronted William, threw a punch, and was consequently booted from the house. He tells everyone that he moved of his own volition, but in actuality, he was homeless for a good sum of time. Henry getting into contact with him again was sort of a godsend. He wouldn't know what to do with himself otherwise.

#flaggedred #{ IM SO GLAD I GOT A CHANCE TO RAMBLE ABT HIS FAMILY SHIT }{#{ william afton go die forever in ucn challenge }#domestic abuse ///#abuse //#child abuse //#{ i have a warning in there for when it all goes down but JUST IN CASE }#🎬 || there are secrets that will be unwound! (answered.) || 🎬#🎬 || it's make believe inside your head. (headcanons.) || 🎬#🍿 || brave volunteer. (michael.) || 🍿

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cityprix-moved · 2 years

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i don’t know if you want to talk about it, but i just wanted you to know that i understand what you’re going through, and i know it’s not easy at all. i feel that my situation is slightly better because i’ve been able to have normal experiences from the age of 10 to the age of 14 (more or less), then it got worse because of my mom. she’s not particularly religious but she has strong political beliefs that make her see the world through her twisted, bigoted ideas: according to her it’s not normal to be gay (the lgbt community is only propaganda and the ones that say it’s normal are literally satan, like mom you haven’t been in a church in years what the fuck are you on), a man with polished nails reflects our world going crazy, the Big Bad Guys just want to control us, and so on. like yeah, she’s pretty much into conspiracy theories, and of course she thinks that i should think like her. i rarely leave the house without her and if i go out with my friends she just screams at me for ages, so i just stopped hanging out with them. they know and they listen to me when i need support, but deep inside i know that they don’t really understand. one day, like you said, i’ll probably run away, it’s the only option left (she even wants me to move to another country with her, leaving the place i was born in and that i love so much). and i do feel like i’m betraying her. i owe her so much, she’s my mom, she gave me life and she’s been raising me alone, but i’m no toy. i’m a person and every time i feel bad for thinking of leaving her behind i remember that i deserve a better life, a normal one (and naively i hope that one day she’ll understand, that she’ll be more mentally stable, that she’ll find true happiness, too). writing this took me ages (bc of my mom, lmao) but yeah, we’ll get through this 🫂

thanks so much for sharing this with me 🫂 its really hard isnt it. its hard for people who arent in this situation to really get it too, because the solution does seem so easy- why dont you just ignore them? why not just rebel? and maybe it really is that simple! but some days its just not worth the guilt trips, the accusations, the anger, the questioning, just to be your own person.

and yeah, i too want nothing more for my mom than for her to understand that her perspective of life is truly skewed. that her kids deserve to have a life separate from her demands, that SHE deserves a life beyond being at home and praying almost 24/7. its not going to happen though, and i have to accept that its either cut her off or live my life as her dog or toy, as you put it.

but even if i did that i dont think it will ever be enough. i have already given up so many things that everyone my age has experienced so that my mom doesnt get upset or angry or paranoid or anxious but its NEVER enough. and i think the same goes for your mom too. we are never going to be able to meet the demands of our irrational parents and make them happy. and if they are going to be unhappy either ways, maybe its better to free ourselves so at least we get the chance at happiness.

i hope we get through this too, anon ❤❤ your situation sounds really really difficult, i hope youre coping at least somewhat. i wish you all the best.

#🫂🫂#ask

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blackvail22 · 6 months

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i know im only [my age], but im starting to accept that im never going to live a peaceful life, at least my version of it. im not going to live in a beautiful city where i can walk to a café and work from "home." im not going to have the picture-perfect friendships or relationships. im not going to have a degree in the subject of my dreams and be successful in that way. im not going to be able to live on my own. im accepting it already and embracing it to such an extent that it makes me feel dead inside. i feel like im never going to actually live, and ill be surviving all my life.

im always in a state of mental torture. even my boyfriend said this, im always negative about myself. he believes its something to do with my heart, but i think its my brain. i want to love myself, but my brain has trained me to hate myself. growing up, i didnt have many people that cared about me. i bring it up wayyy too much, but being bullied 12 years straight did something to me. there was never an escape either—my family are the biggest bullies of all.

i was taught by many people that i didnt matter. that i was fat, ugly, a cow, a bitch, a waste of space. as much medicine i take, it doesnt take away the fact that my mind hates itself.

i wish it wasnt that way. i hate the way i live.

i hate that its hard for me to clean after myself, especially in my bedroom and my computer desk. i hate that its hard for me to get out of bed each morning. i hate that its hard for me to ask people to hang out. i hate that i always question whether people hate me or not because ive had enough people in my life say they care and then leave. i wish it wasnt this way.

i know i can change. i can try and change these behaviors i dont like. i can make myself better, move forward towards the peaceful life i want... but i dont have the courage.

ive been in counseling for 10 years, depressed for even longer. my counselor tells me now that being in counseling at a younger age will work out for me in the long run. i mean, yeah, but sometimes i feel like im not going anywhere. . . im just running in circles. part of it is my fault... i dont listen to advice sometimes, and sometimes, i dont share important parts of my life, specifically how deep my depression can go. my counselor doesnt know about how i planned my death in 2020, and i saw her the month after the death date passed.

sometimes i feel like a spoiled kid. things arent bad, but theyre just enough to alter my perspective. things could be worse. i remember my counselor told me, "verbal and emotional abuse is the worst kind because theres never evidence of it happening, except inside of you." which.. sucks.

i wish things never turned out this way. i know saying this all the time doesnt change anything, and im just a baby whining at this point, but i really do. i wish i had a normal relationship with my father. i wish people didnt hate me in school. i wish i had a stable relationship with my mom. i wish i could still see my nephew, and i wish i had extended family. no one talks to me. my friends never reach out either, and i know its mostly my fault, but it gets so lonely.

i will never be the happy and beautiful person i always dreamt of being, and it stings.

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exceptionallyacceptingghost · 2 years

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Ok, so this is kinda terrifying. If you’re expecting horror, I’m sorry, I mean that it’s personally terrifying for me. Not actually… terrifying. I’m starting a journey of Accepting myself. I’m the exceptionally accepting ghost after all. It’s terrifying for me, probably because I want to be accepted so badly. I moved around a lot as kid and it’s true what they say- they always make fun of the new kid. Not that I was amused or easily bothered about this as I would never see these people again anyways. I didn’t really try to make friends either, because ya know… I’d be ghosting everyone by summer. Also, you can’t have this kind of stigma about yourself without your parents playing a part too. My brother was the captain of the football team and had more friends. My mom wanted me to be a cheerleader, but I hated smiling all the time and I hated tumbling. I excelled at softball instead. She would bleach my hair blonde starting in fourth grade. She would pick out clothes for me that I didn’t like. She even picked out my wedding dress. I was about to write a sarcastic “oh, first world problems” line but then I remembered she was also a violent alcoholic too. And emotionally unregulated. She didn’t want me to be like my paternal grandmother or like my dad’s sisters either. She wanted to squash all the jealousy out of me. Jealousy that I didn’t even have. My brother is the one who has it all in the end as it turns out. I guess because I am female, she assumed I would be like the women she despised. I actually ended up being more like her mom and her grandmother, the women she loved. Yes, I’m bitter about the irony of the realization. I’m realizing as I’m writing as I’m choosing blog format for therapy. I usually just secretly write stuff and delete it or password protect it. No one ever sees it. I’d like to experiment with vulnerability though. No one may ever read this anyways, so the risk is pretty low.

On ward! To the path of healing and the path of accepting myself. I moved out of my parents’ house in 2014, so I’ve spent the last 8 years trying to figure out “what’s wrong with me?”. Maybe I’m too xxx or maybe I’m too yyy. Too pretty? No, I’m actually pretty average. Maybe I’m just an ass hole. No? I’m actually a pretty nice person, which is odd when you only feel like a bother to everyone. I have to convince myself that when you reply all to a company email thanking the person for the compliment, that you’re not being annoying, you’re being nice and people appreciate it. When you question sending this text to your group chat “it was so nice to see everyone! I had a great time” and you just rip yourself apart. I started to question “why? Who would sneer at a nice text like this? I’d actually love to hear someone say this to me” or why am I feeling so low about asking how someone is? It’s probably fear of rejection. Maybe I’m afraid my feelings aren’t reciprocated and other people just think I’m annoying and I’m afraid to even show my face. I’m an adult now and I’m not moving myself around like I did when I was a kid. These people are more permanent in my life now. Like- in second grade, the teacher was talking to another student for so long and it’s rude to interrupt, but I had to pee. I couldn’t hold it any longer, so I just peed myself in class. My mom brought a change of clothes, but the embarrassment lingered. But not for long. I was at a different school the next year and no one at my new school knew what happened. I could just keep throwing away identities and trying on new ones. I would even change my name every time I moved (between my legal name and nick name, nothing crazy). So the last time I moved, I ended up on my legal name and met my future husband and now I’m kinda stuck with my legal name wether I like it or not lol how do you meet someone, fall in love, and oh by the way- the name you’ve been calling me for the past two years… kinda not my name-ish. I mean, it is, but I like my nick name better which is what everyone in high school and college called me. What’s funny is people in my home town say “you don’t look like a [legal name]” and people in my adult life will say “you don’t look like a [nick name]”. That’s what made me realize names don’t define you. A rose by any other name would be just as weird and full of anxiety. I had no problem getting rid of my last name and changing it to my husband’s. I didn’t even hyphenate. I rolled my eyes at all the articles that popped up “I lost my identity when I got married- it was tied to my last name”. Names are so important to some people, but maybe they never realized that even if you move to a different city and make up a completely different name for yourself, people can’t see you as anything else. Or maybe I never realized that it was never about other people. It’s about me and what I want to be called. Maybe I’m the one who cares. Actually, the plan was to be called my legal name at work only and my nick name outside of work. But then people friended me on FB and would revert to my nick name. Bleh- what a mess. My husband calls me pet names anyways, I’m not so sure why I’m bothered about it now. We’ll put a pin in that I guess.

This is a long post! I think I’ll actually post it. EAG. (Thank god that didn’t spell “egg” or something stupid).

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mysticmousecat · 2 years

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"Please" - Viktor x F! Childhood Friend Reader

Rating: Mature (For spicy sexy times at the end after I torture you with some angst)

Warning: Angst, Mentions of parental death, Explicit Sexual Content

Word Count: 11.3K

P.s. Excuse any spelling or grammar errors, it's late and I spent like 14 hours working on this today, so my eyes are tired, and this is long. That is all, enjoy!

You’d met Viktor for the first time when you were 10, back in Zaun. You’d never really been that much of an outgoing child when it came to interacting with other kids, you were shy and introverted. That being said, it wasn’t like you didn’t have any friends, the area you grew up in was pretty close nit, all working class families, it wasn’t uncommon for parents to have get togethers, finding areas where the Zaun Grey wasn’t as thick, places where the sun actually managed to shine through more than it did in other parts of the city. It was during one of these get togethers that you’d seen him for the first time, at first, you’d seen him as reclusive, uninterested in interacting with anyone else, seemingly perfectly content with the contraptions he tinkered with; but the more you looked at him, the more often you would see him look up at the other kids, all playing loudly, having a good time in the sunshine. It took a lot of bravery on your part to approach him, you were hesitant about it, walking over slowly, your small hands crossed in front of you. It took him a moment to look up from his project at you, and when he did, he gave the slightest little startled jump, which in turn made you do the same. He just stared at you for a moment, it took a minute for you to realize he was probably waiting for you to announce why you had come over in the first place, hastily you managed to studder out a greeting, today you’re not super sure what you had actually said, but you remembered the smile he gave you afterward, any apprehension previously in his amber eyes melting away.

“Can I sit with you?” You’d asked quietly, still a little nervous he’d reject you. He looked puzzled by your question, but nodded nonetheless, to which you anxiously took a seat next to him, in a secluded part of the—you guessed it would be considered a park? —it was open and spacious and plenty of room for adults to sit and talk and kids to run around, so yeah, a park. It took a few moments before either of you decided to break the silence that had developed. Surprising you, it had been Viktor to speak first.

“I’m Viktor,” He’d stated plainly, extending his right hand toward you. You smiled at him and happily extended yours as well, turning in your seated position to face him properly.

“I’m (Y/n),” You chirped. That day had been the start of a friendship you would cherish. You remembered listening to him explain his inventions, how the cogs worked together to move motors and pedals and pullies. You’d had a hard time understanding it at first but watching him build had quickly become your favorite activity, watching the movement of his mind as he troubleshot issues that may pop up. He had a love for science, he’d been the one to spark your interest in it. You loved asking him how certain parts worked, the spark in his eyes when he’d tell you exactly what that piece did and why it did it.

You learned that he lived with a single mom, his dad died a few years prior after a particularly bad chem spill. His mom worked hard, but she was sick, you learned that he liked to build inventions for her, just little trinkets to make her smile, and he was really good at it. His mom was a sweet lady, frail but never stopped, never rested, thinking back on it, you figured she’s where Viktor learned his work ethic from. His mom was a sculptor, making some of the most beautiful sculptures you’d ever seen in your, at the time, very short life. You’d quickly attached yourself to Viktor’s hip, and he didn’t seem to mind. He became your best friend.

3 years later is when Viktor got accepted into his first science academy in Zaun, you watched him excel, thrive, and watched as his skills as an inventor truly bloomed. You were also at a science academy at the time, though not the same one as your skillset lied less with engineering and more with the chemical side of things.

You had fond memories of sneaking into Viktor’s dorm late at night, climbing through one of the windows, you probably should have told him when you were going to do this because you swear you nearly gave him a heart attack the first couple of times. You remembered sitting on the floor of his room, doing homework together, which often times lead to you just lying on his floor hopelessly staring at a page in your textbook as you pretended to read it or the tenth time.

Viktor’s mother died when the two of you were 17, you remembered it vividly. Her illness had gotten worse over the last few months before she died, she couldn’t work anymore, bedridden most of the time. Viktor was entering inventor’s contests so he could help support her, he’d stay up all night and day working through ideas, you had to watch as he ran himself ragged, exhausted all hours of the day but never once letting up. You’d tried to get him take a break, just rest for a moment, you begged, but he’d brush you off, saying he was fine, he needed to keep working. It was during that time that the two of you had your first real fight, arguing over his health, it was the first of several, but this one was the one that stung the most in your memory. You remember when his mom finally passed, you both knew it was coming. Part of you felt guilty for being relieved when it happened, because yes, it was awful , you hated seeing Viktor break, he was always so composed, so in control of himself and when that composure shattered, you felt yourself shatter with it, but that had also been the first time you’d really seen him sleep in months, as you lay next to him in his dorm, keeping him close, holding him together the best you could, afraid if you let go of him for even a moment, he’d crumble.

You’d been accepted to study at the Academy of Piltover when you were 20, you still remember your excitement when you got the letter. You and Viktor had celebrated and probably drank way too much wine. That was the night you feel you really looked at Viktor, like really looked at him, the sharpness of his cheekbones, the piercing amber of his eyes, he’d grown to be much taller than you, which he used to tease you endlessly considering until he hit his growth spirt you two had always been about the same height, you realized that night that the boy you used to know had turned into a man, and he was beautiful. Had you been more drunk, you may have made a move on him, but thankfully you had the sense not to test that line.

Viktor had been approached by Heimerdinger not two days later, the Yordle had seen Viktor’s work and was inspired by it, he invited the young inventor to study at the academy, not that he needed to be invited, you were certain he would have been receiving an acceptance letter only days later. It was the start of a new journey, a new adventure. You’d be leaving Zaun together, going to Piltover for who knows how long.

When Viktor was 22, he met Jayce and you had to admit, you weren’t exactly thrilled about Viktor’s befriending of the fellow inventor, he’d seemed arrogant and egotistical, you refused to admit that maybe some of your dislike for him was based in jealousy too, jealous that Viktor gave him so much attention, attention to a man who had literally been arrested for illegal arcane research. Your distaste of Jayce passed quickly though, once you’d actually met him for the first time, you learned he shared Viktor’s passion, his love for discovery, his passion for inventing; looking at them now, you’ve found they make quite the good pair, even if they fail to see eye to eye on quite a lot. Over this time, your feelings for Viktor only grew, so much that you didn’t know if you could contain it anymore, each touch, every glance, every smile, they sent shivers down your spine and made your chest feel tight. You wouldn’t be able to put a name to this feeling until several years later, when Viktor was fighting against the clock, his own mortality hanging in front of him, taunting him as he worked himself nearly to death. It reminded you of when he was a teenager, working to support his mother, running himself into the ground with every research paper, every project digging his grave deeper and deeper. It was as you watched him slowly kill himself that you finally put a name to the feeling, you were in love with him.

Through the hexcore, through hextech, and through his sheer spiteful stubbornness, he survived, but he was a different man than he was before, he was older, wiser, had seen the horrors the world had to offer, while the changes he’d made to his own body left scars, the emotional ones were even deeper, and you can see that some of them still bleed sometimes. So here you were, in Piltover, at one of the most prestigious academies Runeterra had to offer, still hopelessly in love with the man you’ve called your best friend for so many years.

Currently you occupied Viktor’s lab chair, knees pulled up to your chest as you watched him and Jayce brainstorm in front of a blackboard. Their backs were turned to you, you watched Viktor specifically, his shoulders were slumped, mahogany hair slightly messier than it normally would be, he was tired, he’d just gotten back to PIltover from two weeks in Zaun, working on some independent research at his lab, now he was back, and you were certain he hadn’t found much time to sleep while there or on the way back. Though, even when he was exhausted, you still couldn’t help but say he was beautiful, the late afternoon sunlight spilling through the window giving his normally dark hair a golden aura, almost like he had a halo, the sharp features of his face, his lean body, his long legs all standing clear before you. You could practically see the cogs turning in his head, ideas flowing freely, his hand gliding the chalk over the blackboard in calm easy strokes as he wrote out equation after equation, you could watch this man work for hours, just to see the light in his eyes when he made a breakthrough. He and Jayce were talking, their voices barely audible to you, really just a steady hum. At one point, Jayce must have said something intriguing as Viktor’s hand stopped writing, his hesitation was only momentary before it began again, but it was also a strange stutter. You had no idea what Jayce might have said, but whatever it was, it amused him to a great deal to see Viktor’s reaction.

At some point Jayce was the one to leave to go get more coffee, after all what was a scientist without a crippling caffein addiction? You continued to dutifully watch Viktor as his hand scribbled across the board, equations that you only half understood, honestly you were more concerned with watching how he moved. “Aren’t you supposed to be studying?” Viktor’s voice broke your haze, he’d never even turned to look at you, instead his hand just simply paused, chalk resting against the blackboard.

You thought for a moment on how to answer. “I am,” You settled on. It wasn’t a lie, you were studying something, just not the pages of the open research paper in front of you, you weren’t even really sure what it was about anymore.

“You’ve been reading for quite a while; would you like to regale me on the focus of that paper?” Viktor asked, finally turning toward you, his expression amused, he knew you wouldn’t be able to tell him a damn thing about this paper because he knew you hadn’t been reading it. Viktor always knew when you were lying, like he could hear it on your voice, there had never been a time in your life when you could really lie to him, honestly you were surprised you’d managed to keep your feelings for him a secret for so long, figuring you would have accidentally let that cat out of the bag a long time ago.

“Why spoil a good read?” You retorted as Viktor began to approach you slowly. “When you could just read it yourself.” Your fingers grazed across the top of the paper, Viktor’s eyes following their movement.

He hummed, like he as thinking about something. “And then I could recount what I’d read back to you, like always.” He gave you a catty smile, leaning forward on his cane ever so slightly.

You pointed your pen at him sharply, “Not always,” You defended yourself. “And of course, mustn’t forget to compare notes.” You could swear the chuckle Viktor gave lit up the room, you could feel your chest tighten, his smile making an all too present feeling of affection further prominent.

“Of course,” Viktor finally added, an amused lilt to his voice. “Compare notes.” It was at this time you’d both heard the cough from the front of the room, turning in your seat to see Jayce standing, a tray of coffees in his hand. The look on his face was highly amused, and something else that you couldn’t quite place, but in your peripheral, you noticed Viktor bristle before beginning to make his way back to the chalkboard, silent. You didn’t see Jayce approach you until he was holding a cup of coffee in front of your face, the steam blurring your vision of Viktor.

“Coffee for the ever so studious lady?” Jayce asked, finishing the question off with a wink. You took the coffee gratefully, the warmth spreading through your fingers. Jayce handed an identical cup to Viktor whose expression was, for the first time, unreadable to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He could feel your gaze on him, boring into him, his skin was on fire from the weight of it. He focused on his task, cautiously and carefully writing out every number and symbol in each equation, but how was he supposed to focus with those eyes on him? Why were you watching so intently? Maybe you were reading the equations, trying to decipher them, you’d always been inquisitive that way.

You’d originally come into the lab saying you thought it would be a quiet place to read some papers, you were working on a new research project and needed the upmost focus. Well, you didn’t seem very focused on that paper right now. Viktor took a deep breath, pushing the thoughts out of his mind, he had work to do, he wanted this theory done by the end of the week.

“You’re thinking loudly.” Jayce remarked to him. “If you want to keep your feelings such a secret you should do less of that.”

“I beg your pardon?” Viktor stammered out; his hand halted its pattern for just a moment before he regained his composure. The look Jayce gave him showed his amusement, like a child who had won a silly game.

“You know most of the students on campus think you two are dating? Heard some boys talking about it, one of them wanted to ask (y/n) out, his friends reminded him, and I quote, ‘Obviously she’s already dating that guy Viktor’.” Jayce’s voice was low, ensuring the only person who could hear him was his partner, who externally displayed absolutely no indication of the distress he was currently experiencing internally. “If everyone already thinks you’re together I don’t know what’s so hard about asking her out.”

Viktor was silent for a beat. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” It was the weakest excuse he’d ever come up with.

“For a genius you’d think you’d be better at lying.”

“(y/n) Is a childhood friend, I’ve known her for over 20 years, we’re just close.” Viktor argued in a hissed tone so you couldn’t hear him.

“mhmm,” Jayce mocked. “Last time I check, you’re not supposed to look at your friends so longingly that you could be confused for a character in a Jane Austin novel.”

“I do not—”

“Listen, Viktor,” Jayce started, his voice turning from mocking to gentle. ��As someone who has been in love, I’ve seen the way you look at her.” Jayce paused, seemingly like he was debating whether or not he wanted to continue this particular thought, he sighed before he continued. “And…I’ve also seen how she looks at you.” Viktor’s hand paused again, he thought about turning to look at you, but he didn’t want you to know you were the focus of the conversation. Jayce’s voice broke him of these thoughts.

“Welp! I’m going to go get more coffee!” He shouted abruptly before sending a look toward Viktor and walking toward the door. Viktor took a deep breath to stabilize himself, he felt ridiculous for letting Jayce get under his skin in such a way.

“Aren’t you supposed to be studying?” He asked, feigned confidence dripping from his voice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was an odd feeling stirring in your gut right now. You watched as Viktor conversed with the three women in front of him, they listened intently to his words, but you couldn’t help but notice they seemed to be paying close attention to more than just his words and you saw several of their gazes subtly rake over his body. You didn’t blame them, Viktor wore a suit very well, and you meant VERY well, it hugged him in all the correct places, the tan waist coat he wore accentuating his thin waist and broad shoulders, his sleeves were rolled halfway up his arms, on hand resting comfortably inside his pocket, the other holding onto his cane. You swore, it was just a rod of metal but in his hands, it may as well have been sinful, the way his fingers wrapped around it loosely, occasionally stroking the glossy finish of the handle. If there was one thing you loved about Viktor, it was his hands, dexterous and nimble, seeing them work on projects expertly, buried to the wrist in engines and mechanical parts…and that damned glove! It did dangerous things to you, why was he allowed to make such simple things so hot? Despite all of this, you wouldn’t necessarily call the feeling you were experiencing right now jealousy as you watched the women, no, you knew they were no real threat, Viktor wasn’t one for romance, you knew this, he was devoted to science and progress, his one true love being his lab. Of course, you knew he wasn’t some innocent duckling, he’d had his own casual trysts, so had you. Maybe that’s where the feeling came from, confident that none of those women would ever have a chance of stealing his heart, but the very real possibility that one of them may occupy his bed that night put a sour taste in your mouth.

You came to this event to support Viktor and Jayce, it was a debut for a new Hextech innovation, something that the two men haven’t done in several years following their short falling out after everything with the Hexcore and their difference in views, but they’d reconciled quickly. But the more you watched those women stare at Viktor like he was a meal to be devoured the more you wished you’d stayed in your room at the academy, made some lie like you weren’t feeling well and couldn’t make it. Of course, you knew that would have never worked, Viktor would have insisted he stay with you, and that would mean he wouldn’t be here, which even though you knew that wouldn’t bother him very much, it would bother you. You wanted him here, getting the recognition he deserved for his work with Hextech, not entertaining you alone in your room because you couldn’t stomach the view of women flirting with him.

“Penny for your thoughts?” A glass of champaign was being held out in front of you, the family hand holding it leading up to a very familiar face. Jayce’s smile was kind, warm and inviting. You gave a quiet thankyou before accepting the drink, the coldness of the champaign flute chilling your fingertips. “So, there’s a pack of wild hyenas circling your boyfriend.” Jayce directed toward the group of women gathered around Viktor. “I kind of feel bad for him, we should probably rescue him.” You laughed at that.

“He’s a big boy, I’m sure he can handle a few stray girls.” You remarked, but the sourness in your stomach only grew. Your emotions must have showed on your face because Jayce’s next words got your attention.

“He won’t be taking any of them home,” You simply looked up at him questioningly. “He’s got his sights set…elsewhere.”

You cleared your throat. “Why would I care? Like I said, Viktor’s a grown man, he can make his own decisions.” The lie that you didn’t care was bitter on your tongue. The look that Jayce gave you seemed both amused and exasperated.

“I’m just saying, the second you were to walk over there, Viktor wouldn’t even serve those women a passing glance.” With that Jayce tinked his glass against yours before throwing you a wink and turning to return to the group of people journalists waiting to talk to him.

You took another glance at Viktor, noticing the way the brows were slightly furrowed, his grip on his cane had tightened slightly, his back was straighter and his he held his shoulders a little firmer. One of the women had moved from just talking to him to resting a hand on his arm, tilting her head just slightly. You felt a sense of protectiveness wash over you, women flirting with Viktor was fine, but these women were clearly beginning to push their luck. With a wave of sudden confidence, you began your trek to the group, your hands were stiff and shoulders tight, you’re sure your expression is anything but friendly but right now you didn’t care. Viktor’s eyes found yours before you’d even made it halfway there and you saw his expression soften, his shoulders loosen once you reached him, wrapping an arm loosely around his middle and pressing yourself close to him, his own hand coming to rest on your shoulder gingerly. You could feel every single point of contact, the heat of his fingertips against your skin, the heat emanating from where your bodies were pressed together, the softness of his clothing on your skin, his breath on your cheek when he looked down to greet you, you felt your heart beat faster, your blood run hot, breathing got harder and you swore your knees were getting wobbly under your weight. This wasn’t the first time you stood so close to Viktor, hell you’ve been closer to him, but the sensation of his fingers ever so gently grazing the skin of your shoulder was making your mind fuzzy. You craned your neck to look up at him, meeting his eyes.

“Having fun?” You asked smoothly. You saw the woman who had been touching him pull her hand back. None of them directly glared at you but you could tell they weren’t pleased with you interrupting their seduction attempt. Good.

“Quite,” Viktor started, a smile finding its way onto his lips. “Though I must say, I am quite tired, I think I might retire for the evening.” At this the group of women all said their farewells and dispersed amongst the crowds. You remained in your position at Viktor’s side, not that he seemed to mind. “As always you seem to have impeccable timing, (y/n).”

You huffed out a laugh. “You seemed like you could use a rescue.” You finally, and hesitantly, separated yourself from your place under Viktor’s arm. “Care to allow me to accompany you back to the lab?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You hated when he did this. Four days, it had been four days and Viktor hadn’t left the lab once. You hadn’t seen him in that time, but you could guess what you’d see if you were to enter the lab right now, you’d see a heavily exhausted and strung out on copious amounts of caffein scientist, bent over a project that has occupied every single one of his thoughts for the entire four days, he’d had dark circles under his eyes and his hair would be a ridiculous, though somehow still very attractive, mess from the combination of a lack of brushing it and the numerous times he’s probably tangled his own hands into it in frustration. He’d pace, he’d spend hours talking to the damned contraption like it would respond, he’d be shaky from the sheer levels of caffein in his veins, enough to throw him to the edge of heart attack should he ingest anymore. You were willing to bet he’d averaged maybe ten hours of sleep in the entire four days combined and probably hadn’t eaten much in that time either. You’d seen this plenty of times, seen his downward spiral into obsession plenty of times, and every single time you felt it chipping away at you. You remembered watching him do this when he was sick, when he was dying, fighting against the clock to get something, anything out of his research. He was a desperate man on the edge of a mental break down and all you could do was watch him fall.

You couldn’t sleep. You never could when you knew Viktor was like this, you were filled with anxiety and worry and frustration over the fact that he knew full well that this was bad for him and yet he kept doing it anyway! You tossed and turned in your bed a few more times before finally throwing the comforter off of yourself and leaving your bedroom. You and Viktor didn’t argue often, but when you did, it was almost always over his lack of interest in taking care of himself. Usually, you would go into the lab, argue a little bit over why keeping himself from going into a caffein induced coma was a bad idea and then he’d usually back down, tell you you were right and agree to go to bed, usually your bed considering you didn’t trust him to not just go back to the lab once you’d retreated to your room. You’d expected this encounter to go much the same way.

The doors to the lab were closed, light emanating from underneath indicating Viktor’s unsurprising presence. Gingerly you pushed open the doors, the room was dark with the exception of the corner of blue light from Viktor’s desk, his silhouette easy to make out in the shine. He was exactly how you’d expected to see him, exhausted, strung out, frustrated. You made sure to shut the door with force, trying to get Viktor’s attention, but he simply ignored the noise. You sighed; it was one of those nights. You approached cautiously; hands crossed over your chest. You crossed the room to stand in Viktor’s peripheral, you knew he could see you; he was just choosing to ignore you. You felt the flames of frustration ignite in your chest, furrowing your brow as you finally spoke.

“Viktor.” Nothing, he simply continued working. “Viktor!” You raised your voice this time. Finally, his hands stopped, though he didn’t turn to look at you. “Do you have any idea how long it’s been?”

Viktor was quiet for a moment, his hands once again resuming their task. “Four days and seven hours.” He responded. “What is your point, (y/n)?” His voice as snappy, frustrated like it always was when he’s been awake this long.

“For you to stop this for tonight and come to bed.” You’d done this enough times, he knew he’d be going to your bed, not his own.

“I am very close to a stopping point (y/n), just a few more hours.”

“Yeah, and then a few more hours is going to turn into a few more days and we’re going to be right back here again.” You stood your ground, you needed to be firm. He still hadn’t turned to look at you, why hadn’t he looked at you yet? “You know how this goes Viktor.”

“I know how you want it to go.” He snapped. Something was different, and you couldn’t for the life of you place what it was.

“Why is it so hard for you to acknowledge that this will all still be here in the morning?” You gestured to the project sitting in front of him.

“Why is it so hard for you to leave me to my own devices?” He retorted.

“Because it’s going to make you sick.”

“My health is none of your concern, (y/n).” You knew better than to let his words get to you, he was talking out of frustration, it wasn’t actually directed at you, just empty words. But this was taking longer than usual. Viktor was stubborn, but he was never this stubborn with you, with Jayce maybe, but not with you. You sighed, you needed to approach this differently.

“Viktor,” You were nearly whispering, your voice low and gentle, just loud enough for him to hear. You got close enough to place a gentle hand on his shoulder, feeling him tense underneath it. “I almost lost you once already,” He tensed again. “Please don’t make us go through that again, this will be here in the morning.” You were pleading and you knew it, and so did he if the harsh swallow you saw him take was anything to go by. You thought you had him.

He was quiet for a long moment, as if collecting his thoughts, before he proceeded to continue working, his expression blank and unreadable. “Are your emotions supposed to mean something?” You swore you could actually feel the sharp edge of those words pierce you. He’s argued with you, he’s raised his voice at you, he’s been frustrated with you, but never, ever, had he ever said something like that. You tried hard not to let them hurt you, tell yourself it was just his frustration talking, but with the emotions crawling up your throat you knew that was a fruitless endeavor. You waited for just a moment, to see if he would turn to look at you, see if he would get that same sorrowful look in his eyes he did every time he lost his temper with you after so many sleepless nights, but his gaze stayed locked in front of him, and his expression never changed.

You pulled your hand from him, taking a breath before formulating your response. “No,” you said, ice in your voice. “Apparently not.” You wanted to scream at him, tell him how dare he say something like that to you, but instead, you simply turned, making your way from the lab, letting the door close heavily behind you.

The walk back to your room was a blur, literally and figuratively as you couldn’t find it in yourself to keep the tears at bay, and if you slammed your bedroom door behind you that was your business. You leaned against your closed door, bringing your hands to rest above your head, taking deep breaths, hoping enough oxygen intake to quell the burn of pain in your chest. You felt yourself slide down the door, hitting the floor with a thud before curling in on yourself, the tears came hard, and they came fast. By the time they’d finished you were exhausted, but you didn’t sleep that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You avoided the lab like the plague for the rest of the week, you didn’t have the energy nor the mental strength to see him yet. You cursed yourself, feeling so weak for letting some words get to you so badly, letting them burrow so deep under your skin and tearing your insides. You guessed what hurt more was the fact that not once did he come to check on you, make sure you were okay after your fight, if anything it seemed like he was avoiding you too. You had just begun to think, maybe he’d actually returned your feelings, maybe he loved you the way you loved him, but now any of those hopes had died in your chest. He’d always be more devoted to his work and there was nothing you could do about that, your feelings only served to cut you deeper and deeper the longer they were there.

You did the only thing you could think of to keep your mind off Viktor, and that was work. You pored yourself into your research papers, taught classes, graded papers for Heimerdinger, anything to keep your mind busy and hands moving. You did as much as you could from your bedroom, it was the safest place. Jayce had come to visit you a few times, as had Mel, they knew something was wrong, though through the conversations you’d had with them, they didn’t seem to know what. It seems Viktor was keeping his mouth shut on the topic just as much as you were.

There was a gentle knock on your door while you were grading papers, pulling your focus away from them. “Come in.” you heard the door open and the sound of an elegant stride, you listened for the sound of a cane and when you didn’t hear one, you let your shoulders relax. You turned to greet your guest, seeing Mel standing in your doorway, beautiful as ever.

“Are you busy?” She asked before stepping further inside and closing the door behind her. You set down your pen and pushed the papers out of your way.

“Not particularly, what’s up?” You watched as she moved closer, making to lean against your desk and stand by your side.

“Just checking on you, you’ve been scarce.” Her voice was kind, soft and gentle, like she was speaking to a frightened child.

“I’m fine Mel.” The lie was bitter. “Just…taking a vacation.” Mel eyed the paperwork on your desk.

“Sure seems like it,” She remarked before turning to face you more clearly. “I understand that whatever is going on between you and Viktor right now is personal, and none of my business,” She started, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “But I’d like you to know that I do have some experience when it comes to trials of the heart, Jayce and I have had our differences between us as well.”

You let out a humorless chuckle. “Viktor and I aren’t together like you and Jayce.” You said painfully, as much as you still wished you were.

“Could have fooled me,” Mel smiled sadly. “Last time I checked, a simple fight with a friend didn’t make one hide themselves away in their bedroom and bury themselves in their work.”

“What I may feel,” You started. “And what Viktor may feel, are two very differing emotions.” You felt the tears well in your eyes again, you took a deep breath, crying was not what you wanted to do right now.

“I beg to differ.” Mel actually choked out a laugh, her eyes finding yours. Her expression softened again. “What happened?” You gazed up at the woman standing above you, feeling a tear fall against your skin.

Tearfully you recounted the night you and Viktor argued, the memory was as fresh in your mind as it had been that night. You hadn’t noticed when Mel had moved from leaning on your desk, to leaning against the armrest of your chair, leaning her head against her hand as she listened intently to your story. “And I feel so incredibly stupid,” You started once your story ended. “That just a few words were able to hurt so bad.”

“(y/n), it is ALWAYS okay to feel hurt, when someone hurts you.” Mel said after patiently listening to you. “And as someone who has dealt with this very thing many times with the man I love, I’m going to tell you that no matter how smart Viktor is, no matter how educated he is…men are idiots sometimes.” You let out a little laugh at that, feeling Mel’s fingers under your chin, drawing your gaze back up to her own. “I know exactly what you need.”

“And what’s that?” You asked, feeling some of the heaviness of your heart has lifted.

“There is a point that needs to be made, and I intend to help you make it.” Mel stood, smoothing out her dress before extending her hand to you. She pulled you from your seat and lead you toward the door.

“And what point is that?” You asked confused as Mel quite literally dragged you out of your bedroom.

“You’ll see.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“I really don’t know about this Mel.” You said as you gazed at yourself in the mirror. The dress seemed unfamiliar on you, well of course it did, because it wasn’t yours, it was Mel’s. It was form fitting, revealing, the sleeves hung low on your shoulders, the neckline just low enough to accentuate the curve of your breasts, the bodice was tight, solid with two oval shaped cut outs under your breasts showing off the skin of your sternum. The draping skirt reached the floor, a long slit running up your right leg, showing off copious amounts of your skin, the (Color of your choice) color of the dress accentuating your (y/s/c) skin tone. The back of the dress was plunging, reaching just below your waist, you felt incredibly exposed in it, but also, you felt incredibly sexy. While part of you wanted to take the dress off, the other part didn’t want to stop staring at your own reflection in it.

“You look beautiful, (y/n).” Mel came to stand behind you in the mirror. “There won’t be a man there able to keep his eyes off of you.”

“And Viktor?” You asked incredulously.

Mel was quiet for a moment. “Oh, I doubt he’ll be there, you know how he is, work work work all the time and all that.”

You should have known Mel was lying. It was a gala in honor of Hextech’s innovations, of course Viktor was going to be here! Stupidly attractive and tempting as always. Any confidence you had felt when you walked into the ball room was quickly swallowed at the sight of him, standing there next to Jayce, a glass of wine in his gloved hand, a form fitting navy blue dress shirt underneath a pearl-colored waistcoat, a matching tie tucked underneath it. Seeing him, standing there talking to his partner, had taken your breath, you felt your chest clench painfully. You steeled yourself, you weren’t going to let him affect you like this, you weren’t going to let him have that kind of hold over your heart like that, not anymore. Keeping your feelings for him was only going to hurt you, of this you were all too sure, so Mel was right, you did have a point to make, a point to make to yourself that this was the end. You were going to free yourself, one way or another, and if that meant going home with the first man who asked you to dance, well that’s how it had to be.

Your steps turned from timid and shy to confident as you took stock of the room, many of the men here were handsome, would do well enough for a night of distraction. It didn’t take long until you were approached, he was tall, and his shoulders were broad. He wore a clearly hand tailored suit that fit him snuggly, his face was handsome and clean shaven, his dark hair held in place with pomade. He extended a hand to you, which you eagerly accepted. He led you through the room, into the crowd of dancing people as he placed a large hand low on your back, pulling you close to him as he led you around the room. You were confident in your ability to dance in a ballroom setting, and you knew with this dress on you looked good doing it, you hadn’t missed the several pairs of eyes glued to your form as you let this stranger lead you through a dance you’d practiced countless times, though there was a particular set of eyes you actively chose to miss. You didn’t know if Viktor was looking at you, and you told yourself you didn’t care if he was, didn’t care if he saw the way this man clutched you, didn’t care if he saw how he glided his open palm along the underside of your bare leg as he dipped you, didn’t care if he saw just how dangerously close you let this man get to kissing you, but always managed to keep him just far enough away. You ignored the way this man’s touch burned your skin in all the wrong ways, how the shiver down your spine wasn’t from him, but from the deep longing for another, how your chest was so tight at the thought of him seeing you with someone else and not caring than another man was touching you the way you wanted him to so badly.

All it took was one glance. One look was all that was needed for the dam to break, the heat of Viktor’s gaze on you so hot you don’t even think molten magma could sear your skin so wonderfully. His movements toward you were deliberate, calculated as he approached, and with every step you felt your breath get shallower and shallower. Your head was swimming by the time he reached you, the man you were dancing with bringing you to halt when he noticed Viktor’s presence. Viktor’s voice was calm and steady, as was his appearance, but his eyes, his pupils were dilated and even as he directed his words toward the man with you, his eyes didn’t leave yours, not even once.

“My apologies,” He started, leaning his weight on his cane, the perfect depiction of beauty like he always was. “But may I have a moment with the lovely young lady?” You’d expected your dance partner to argue, to tell him to piss off, but instead, he simply stepped away, leaving you at Viktor’s mercy, because you always were, at his mercy that is.

The first touch of his fingers against your skin sent shockwaves through your spine, every single pleasure receptor in your body lighting up like a tree on Christmas. He ghosted his fingers from your elbow down your arm, finally taking your hand in his. You couldn’t hold his eye contact anymore, instead deciding to focus you attention on the pear-colored tie around his neck, anything to keep from meeting his eyes again for fear that they’d make you do something you’d regret later. You closed your eyes when he stepped closer, trying to keep your heart from crawling its way up your throat. The feeling of his breath against your ear as he spoke was like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over you, Viktor invaded every single one of your senses and the most painfully blissful way. “Come with me,” He’d whispered so delicately against your skin, pausing for a moment before adding a single, “Please.” And that one word certainly did sound like a plea, like if you refused, he would shatter, and part of you wanted to, wanted to break him the same way he’d broken you, but instead, you found yourself allowing him to lead you through the crowds of people, never letting you stray too far with his hand gripping yours tightly.

He led you away from the ballroom, out the doors and into the cool night air of Piltover. It was quiet, the music from the gala deafened by the thick walls. For a moment the two of you let the silence linger, let it wash over you, cascading both of you in a blanket of your own design. You wanted to speak, to demand to know what he thought he was doing, demand to know why he hasn’t bothered to even try to see you over the past week, beg him to take you in his arms, hug you tight until you forget why you were ever mad in the first place, the way he was so good at doing just that, but you couldn’t seem to find your voice, instead you were stuck staring at the man you had been hopelessly in love with for over a decade, choking on the pain in your throat as you let your emotions abuse you. His voice cut through your haze, pulling you back to reality so quickly you nearly lost your balance.

“I’m sorry.” Words so simple yet so capable of breaking you in two. “In my avoidance of the truth I pushed you away farther than I’d meant to.” It was the slight waiver in his voice that made you meet his eyes again.

“Why didn’t you come sooner?” You somehow managed to choke out against the cotton in your throat. You saw him give a slight flinch before he let out a humorless chuckle.

“If my memory serves,” he started, the teasing tone the same one you loved so much. “I was not the only one practicing avoidance.” You wanted to argue, but he was right, and you knew it. Instead, you just squeezed his hand a little tighter.

“What do you mean ‘further than you’d meant to’? Why push me away at all?” You felt your frustration rise to the surface, but you tried your hardest to keep your expression as calm as possible. If the way he cast his gaze down to the floor and away from your own was any indication, you weren’t very successful.

“That is…a difficult question to answer and is not one that should be answered here, I’m afraid.” He met your eyes again and you decided enough was enough.

“No.” you said, your grip on his hand growing tighter as you pulled him closer, your chest nearly touching his now. “’Not the time’ is a bullshit excuse and you know it Viktor. I’m tired of not knowing what you’re thinking, tired of trying to guess what the fuck is happening inside your head.” You stood your ground firm, you weren’t letting him get away, you weren’t going to crumble under his gaze, as much as you felt your knees want to give out from under you.

Viktor seemed like he was waying his options, eventually you saw the look of submission in his features. “At least,” He started, he seemed anxious. “At least let us go somewhere not quite so…exposed.”

The two of you made your way back to the main section of the academy, making your way up to Viktor’s quarters, they resided just down the hall from the lab. You let him guide you through the doorway, closing the door behind you. It hadn’t been that long since you’d been in Viktor’s room, but it felt like it had been an eternity all the same. It still looked like it always did, the bedroom of a scientist, research papers littered most surfaces, spare parts covered his desk and unfinished inventions on the floor around it. His bed was made though, you knew Viktor always made the bed, without fail every morning, or at least every morning that he actually slept in it. Every one of your senses was overwhelmed with Viktor, lulling you into a sense of peace you’ve been missing for far too long.

“This is about as private as it gets, Viktor.” You said gesturing to the room around you, expecting him to finally start talking to you and telling you what went on inside that iron lock safe that was his brain.

He looked around for a moment before walking over to the other side of the room. “Would you like some tea?” He asked plainly, placing a kettle of water on a hot plate you’re almost certain he was not allowed to have outside of the lab.

“You’re avoiding.”

“I know.” His ready admission of the fact threw you for a bit of a loop, you hadn’t expected him to concede quite so fast. “I’m preparing myself.”

“For what?” You stared at him for a long moment, waiting to see if he would meet your eyes.

“Your reaction.”

“You really think I’ll react that poorly?”

“Yes.” That one word had managed to hit you hard. It made anxiety rise in your chest, made you concerned for what he was about to say. Had he discovered your feelings? Had he tried to separate himself from you because of it? When you spoke again, you knew you were speaking too quickly, you let your anxiety leak into your voice.

“Viktor, I am your best friend,” You stammered out. “There is nothing you could confess to me that I would be so upset about.”

Viktor seemed to steel himself, taking a deep breath, still yet to meet your eyes. “Even if I told you the reason, I said what I did was because I couldn’t handle the idea of sharing a bed with you,” You felt your heart begin to crack, this was it. This was the moment you’d been dreading. He had discovered your feelings. “Because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you.” You swore your heart jumped up into your throat when you heard that. That sentence hung in the air for a long moment, you let it wash over you, feeling the way it made your body react, feeling the heat in your veins, the knot in your abdomen, the blissful tightness in your chest. When you spoke, you were impressed with your voice’s clarity.

“Is that all?” For the first time in so long, you could actually see the cogs turning in Viktor’s head, he finally looked at you, his eyes basically screaming ‘what the fuck do you mean, is that all?’ You found yourself smiling, finding all of the puzzle pieces finally clicking together.

“I beg your pardon?” Viktor asked, his confusion very clear on his sharp features, his high cheekbones, his amber eyes, his neatly styled hair, and his lips that you were fairly certain you’d be tasting here shortly. Is this what it felt like to be in control of the situation because you didn’t entirely mind it.

“Say it again.”

“Why?” Always with the questions, wasn’t he?

“Because I’ve changed my response, now say it again.”

The look on Viktor’s face shifted from concerned confusion, to the look he got when he was solving an equation, analyzing all of its parts, weighing them individually and then piecing them all together to find an answer. He slowly started to approach you, you didn’t miss the way his eyes fell to your dress, to the cut outs under your breasts, to the generous slit starting at your hip, he looked you up and down like you were a meal to be had…you supposed you were. “I couldn’t share a bed with you because,” He was so close to you, you could feel his breath on your lips as he spoke. He didn’t touch you yet, like he was clinging to what was left of his self-restraint, grasping at a precarious string that was seconds away from snapping. His eyes snapped to yours and the heat in them made you forget how to breathe. “I would have had you flat on the bed, begging for me the second we crossed that threshold.” You felt the smirk on your lips, you stood up on your toes, just barely ghosting your lips against his, bringing your fingertips to his chest to balance yourself.

“Promises, promises.” You whispered.

Your back hit the door hard, but you couldn’t feel a thing except the feeling on his lips crashing into yours. His hands were on you in a second, hiking your exposed leg up to hook onto his hip. You’d imaged what kissing Viktor would be like many times, and you could very confidently say that none of those fantasies did the real sensation justice. He kissed you like a man starved of oxygen and you were the only source, his tongue finding yours and demanding your attention. He tasted like coffee and lust, and it was making your mind fuzzy, you couldn’t get your thoughts in the right order, all you knew was that you desperately wanted to touch. Your fingers went for his waistcoat, attempting to pop the buttons open, but your hands were very quickly snatched away from their task by one of his own, he pinned your wrists above your head with one hand, the other coming down to hold you in place by your thigh hooked around his hip, roughly grinding his hips into you, forcing a strangled moan from your lips. You tried to roll your hips against his again, but he had you pinned, making it clear he was controlling the pace of this interaction. The back of your head hit the door when your lips finally disconnected, though his quickly found themselves attached to your throat, sucking hard against your rapid pulse, a whine finding its way out between your panting. Another roll of his hips had you straining against his grip, searching for any kind of friction against your heated core. He kissed down your neck, licking and sucking the entire way down until he reached the crux of your neck and shoulder, he nipped at your skin before trailing his lips down your chest to the low cut of your dress, a dress you would have very much preferred to be on the floor at this currently instance. Viktor sucked dark bruises onto the tops of your breasts, once again rolling his hips into yours and making you keen, you felt his smile against your skin.

“Do you have any idea,” he said between intermittent kisses and nips to your skin. “What it was like to watch that man put his hands on you.” Viktor scraped his nails against the underside of your thigh, like he was trying to remove the memory of the other man’s touch.

You smiled. “With this kind of reaction,” You had to stop to gasp at another roll of Viktor’s hips. “I’d gladly do it again.”

The growl that come from Viktor’s throat was close to making you cum right there against the door, and the rough thrust he forced against your clothed cunt wasn’t helping as it forced another moan from you. You wanted more so badly, wanted to touch him, wanted him inside you right now, you weren’t sure how much more of this blissful torture you could take.

You never thought you’d be one to beg, but here you were, letting a breathless ‘please’ escape your lips. You felt Viktor’s smile as he kissed up your neck and to the underside of your jaw, nipping at the skin there. “Viktor, please.” You repeated.

“Please what my dear?” he was playing coy, savoring having you in such a compromising position, but right now you couldn’t find it in yourself to be annoyed at that, you just wanted to feel him.

“Anything!” You practically screamed as he ground his hips hard into you again. “Anything, just something more, please.” His lips found yours again in a life shattering kiss, the taste of his tongue against yours was quickly becoming your new addiction. The kiss ended far too quickly as he stepped away from you, you slumped against the door, your hands slowly lowering as you caught your breath. Before you could ask what he was doing, Viktor took a seat on his bed, leaning back on one elbow, the other draped over his torso, looking totally relaxed despite the very clear bulge in his trousers.

His eyes were catlike as he opened his mouth to speak, I mischievous smile finding its way onto his kiss swollen lips. “Take it off.” He ordered and you felt the shiver down your spine. Slowly you began the process of pealing the dress you wore from your heated skin, slowly letting the sleaves glide down your arms, dragging the bodice down your torso. The dress didn’t allow space for a bra, and at this current moment, you were so grateful for that. Viktor’s gaze snapped to your chest once it was exposed, admiring the view he never thought he’d get to enjoy. You saw his fingers flex against his stomach, he was just barely keeping himself in check, you wondered how far you could push him. You dragged the dress down your thighs, exposing your matching-colored underwear. Finally, the dress fell to the floor, and you stepped out of it, hooking your thumbs into the waistband of your underwear before Viktor’s “Wait.” Stopped you. “I’ll worry about those.” He said, his voice low in his throat. “Come here.” You did as you were told, moving to stand between his legs, you raised your hands to rest on his shoulders as his grasped your hips, bringing you closer and pressing his lips against the skin of your stomach, kissing his way up to your chest, his hands trailing up your bare sides to reach your breasts, grazing a thumb over one of your nipples, drawing a pleased hum from you as you leaned your head back, letting him touch you as he pleased.

“What do you want?” He asked as his kisses found their way to the swell of your breasts, his hands moving to your back to pull you closer. You thought about the question, well as much as you could under his ministrations, and found your answer rather quickly. Your hands slipped from his shoulders to the buttons of his waistcoat.

“You in fewer clothes.” You said followed by a gasp as he dragged his tongue over your nipple. You felt his toothy grin against your skin as he gave you a playful nip. He pulled his lips away from you to speak.

“Lay on the bed.” He ordered, pulling his hands from your body, and leaning back on both elbows so he could watch as you climbed onto the mattress, laying back against the pillows. Once you were settled, he sat up, crawling onto the bed after you, positioning himself between your spread thighs. You sat up, your fingers finding his buttons again, this time he let you pop them open, one by one, your fingers grazing his skin under his dress shirt. He shrugged the garment off and tossed it to join your dress on the floor. Your hands went to his belt but once again he stopped you. He held your wrists with on hand, the other coming up to undo his tie from around his neck, ripping it from its place and proceeding to wrap the fabric around your wrists, tight, but loose enough that you could escape if you really wanted to…You didn’t. He gently pushed on the center of your chest, forcing you to lay back down, he took your now bound wrists and placed them above your head, his eyes met yours.

“Keep these here or I’ll stop.” He promised, and with how he’d been all night, you knew he meant it. You nodded as his hands grazed your arms all the way back to your chest, where he spent just a moment kneading into your breasts, grazing his thumbs over your nipples, drawing small gasps and keens from your lips, before he continued his path down. His fingers hooked into the waistband of your underwear and pulled, you lifted your hips to help him pull the clothing down your thighs, tossing it to join the rest of your clothes. For a moment he just admired you, looked at you spread out for him, just for him, and the fact that you were letting him touch you this way, a way he’d only dreamed of for so long. He leaned down to lay between your legs, sucking dark bruises onto your inner thighs as he grazed over your wet folds with the knuckles of his hand, barely touching you but managing to ignite the molten heat in your core hotter and hotter with every touch. “Tell me,” he said against the skin of your thigh, every kiss inching closer and closer to where you wanted him. “Have you thought of this before? Gotten this wet for me before?” You nodded, the nip he gave against your thigh making your jump. “Use your words, (y/n).”

Your voice came out raspy and breathless. “Yes, so many times,” He kissed right next to your core. “Every time I pretend to study in the lab, I just sit imagining what it would be like to be doing this instead.” You confessed. He paused, his eyes snapping up to yours, his pupils dilated, the hunger in his eyes you can only assume matching your own. He gave no warning before dragging his tongue up from your entrance to your clit, and you felt all of the air leave your body. “Fuck!” you gasped.

“Such vulgar language,” He chuckled against your cunt, the air making you twitch. “So unladylike.” He attached his lips to your clit, sucking hard before moving back to lapping between your folds, tasting you the way, he’d been craving for so many years. You couldn’t stop the string of moans leaving your lips if you’d tried, the feeling of his tongue against you driving you to places you’d only dreamed about. You tried to buck your hips into his mouth, but he had a hand firm on your stomach, holding you down flat against the bed as he continued to torture you sweetly. His other hand found its way to your entrance, two fingers breaching you quickly, forcing you to suck air, only for it to be punched back out of your lungs but another rough suck to your clit. He pumped his long fingers in and out of you, scissoring them as he went, curling them up to hit the most amazing spot, your orgasm was approaching quickly as he fucked you with his fingers and assaulted your clit with his sinfully beautiful mouth. You weren’t sure what you were babbling, all you recognized was Viktor’s name every other word. You were almost there, and he knew it, doubling his onslaught on you, and with one last rough suck to your clit you tumbled over the edge, you’re pretty sure you screamed but everything was such a haze. He worked you through your orgasm until you were twitchy and oversensitive. Once he pulled his fingers out of you, he kissed his way up your stomach, up your chest before finding your lips again, pushing his tongue into your mouth. He reached up and pulled his tie from your wrists, to which you immediately buried your hands in his hair, effectively ruining the neat styling he’d had for the gala. You dragged your hands from his hair, down his neck and to the buttons of his shirt, popping them open on by one until you were dragging the garment down his arms, throwing it to the floor. Your fingers found his belt next, ripping it from his waist, hearing it clatter to the ground, but far too busy undoing his pants and pushing them down and over his hips to care. He helped you with this, pulling them off with his underwear and tossing them to join the mess on the floor. You took the moment to stare, admiring his fair skin, the solid steel of his right leg, hot against where it grazed the inner thigh of one of your legs as he sat between them, his heavy cock hard between his legs. If it were any other night, you’d push him down onto the bed and force it down your throat, but that could wait until the morning, right now you were far too worked up to not have it inside of you.

You leaned up, dragging your palms up his chest to wrap around his neck, pulling him down to connect your lips. This kiss wasn’t as desperate as the others, it was gentle, loving, memorizing the feel of the other’s lips, tongues only grazing. Where he’d been teasing all night long, this time Viktor wasted no time pushing the head of his cock into your tight heat, sighing as you surrounded him, hands coming up to frame your face as your gasp broke the kiss. He moaned when he was finally fully seated inside of you, you thrust your hips up to test, feeling him slip just a little bit further into you, drawing a gasp from him. You dragged your nails down his back at the first roll of his hips, not really pulling back, just rolling deeper into you. His head fell to rest against your neck, his lips attaching to your pulse as he pulled back, guiding himself back into you in one fluid motion, pulling a broken moan from you.

What started out slow quickly ramped up in speed as he went from a gentle rolling of his hips to thrusting into you hard enough to inch you up the bed, the keen that it ripped from your throat was silent, you voice strained from your screaming earlier, which it suddenly struck you that someone had to have heard you, but that thought was very quickly dashed from your mind with another rough thrust. Viktor lifted his head from your neck, holding himself up with his arms as he met your gaze. You leaned up, cradling his jaw, kissing him as he continued to thrust into you. You couldn’t keep your lips attached to his for long, both of you far too busy with moans and gasps as your hips came together over and over and over again until you could once again feel the telltale signs of your encroaching climax. You were chanting his name in hushed gasps as he moaned against your lips. It didn’t take long for the feeling of him inside you to push you over, he pressed his body close to yours as your wrapped yourself around him, back arching as you came, pressing your lips just under his ear as you tightened around him, drawing a deep groan from him. He gripped your hips, pulling you as close as possible before cumming inside of you, you could feel him empty into you, the feeling sparking something dangerous in you, a craving for more.

Viktor was gentle when he pulled out of you, panting against your sweat slicked skin before collapsing to the other side of the bed. The room was filled with only the sound of your collective breaths for a long while, before you exhaled a laugh, drawing the attention of the man lying next to you. You gazed up at the ceiling as you spoke.

“I will bet you any amount of money that Jayce and Mel planned this would happen.” You said, recounting the events of the last few days. Viktor reached down and grasped your hand, bringing it to his lips and placing a kiss on the back of it.

“We should send them a gift basket.” He joked. You laughed as you curled around him, laying your head on his chest as his fingers ghosted against your bare back.

“We can worry about that in the morning.” You started as you kissed his chest, beginning your decent down his sternum, feeling him begin to harden again. “Right now, there are more important things.”

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