#the second victim of tumblr's issues with tags

[anarchistartistvt]

honestly I think it’s pretty fucked up how much shit I got over my post.

“hey wait a second these Reddit discussions might be onto something-“ “YOU PEDO DEFENDER DELETE THE POST KILL YOURSELF GRAHHHHHH”

The shitty part is that I didn’t even actively seek out this info. my now ex was posting the Reddit shit in a discord server I owned, and I was like “wait whoa they might be onto something here”. Given it was already on Reddit I figured more people knew but god damn it was like I opened Pandora’s box.

Won’t say I didn’t fuck things up for myself and my friends. Someone tried to doxx my friend daenumao (unsuccessfully thank fuckin god), and I was too stubborn to delete the posts the minute things blew out of proportion. I thought I could handle it. I had gone through shit similar to this before, what with StickyBM trying to accuse me of a parasocial freak and Jordy claiming I doxxed them(only to find out it was their discord tag that got leaked). I thought I was doing the right thing. I knew how detrimentally destructive allegations could be, fake or not.

I sort of named my ex in there because I didn’t want to claim credit for what I had found. It wasn’t to throw her under the bus, and as soon as she asked me to delete the credit part, I did.

In a friend server I was in, I was being pinged about the situation nonstop. People were telling me to delete it, and it just felt like silencing me. I was getting harassed left and right. Someone started threatening me on tumblr(a platform I rarely used until now), people started bringing up fake or already resolved shit about me(had to clear that up on a fuckin Reddit thread), and basically everything started crumbling and falling apart.

Finally one of my friends pinged me and was like “delete the posts or I’m blocking you, don’t make me do this”. I had already set dms to friends only by that point, after hearing daenumao was being threatened. I got angry, unfriended her, and left the server. Shortly after, a couple friends sent messages saying they were cutting ties and to never contact them again. Then my girlfriend messaged me saying she was leaving me.

Right now I’m sort of trapped on what I can say without breaking boundaries of anyone. I never meant to invalidate the victims. At the time, my only intention was to raise awareness of “hey this is kinda inconclusive, you might wanna take a look at this”. I didn’t think it would blow up to the point I would get death threats and death wishes.

In a court of law, both sides are to share their experiences. The experience really just told me that the justice system of twitter is fucked beyond comprehension. The victims were quick to attack anyone who doubted their claims, and had no problem siccing their supporters onto anyone who didn’t fall in line. It honestly felt like I was being told, “SUPPORT THE VICTIMS OR DIE”. People are allowed to have doubts, and while I can understand where the victims were coming from, they didn’t care to show much proof denying some claims. One of the alleged victims even said “so many big names are supporting me so I’m right.” Bro what?

When I attempted suicide, it was for a lot of reasons. I have bad anxiety and getting attacked the way I was back there sent everything into overdrive. Not to mention losing about 95% of my friends over this crap. I was only on twitter mainly because I had friends there and would chat with them regularly. I don’t have many friends in real life and I’ve always been kind of a loner. So to see my support system fall apart over this, especially because I have HORRIBLE abandonment issues, fucked with my head.

I’m not happy as a person. I’ve been depressed for years and I’m not proud of it. I’ve been through more fucked up shit in my life than I can even begin to process. Growing up in a broken family, being treated like shit by my stepmother and put through so much abuse, flunking out of high school and falling through the cracks, running away at 19 and immediately being raped and molested by someone I saw like an older brother, being sexually and emotionally abused by an ex who blamed me for being raped, moving out of my aunts house only to be institutionalized from a suicide attempt 4 months later, being in the homeless system, being treated like shit by the government programs, being doxxed and swatted and harassed and had deepfakes made of me, possibly having a condition that means I’m likely to be dead from suicide by the age of 34, etc. Like, I’ve genuinely been through hell and back and a lot of people know it. Maybe more people than I should be telling.

I tend to over share, I vent too much, I go into slumps quickly, and overall I’m a fucking mess mentally. I had gone into a bad psychotic breakdown last week due to trauma and a bad reaction to new meds, so my mental state wasn’t exactly the best when this shit even started. By this point I was already having a sinking feeling that my girlfriend was planning on leaving me, and then a few days later she hit her breaking point.

When I typed up that final post, I genuinely didn’t know if I wanted to keep living. Hearing someone I was close to saying “you better stay alive because you deserve to live with what you did” was horrifying.

I’m a coward, without a doubt. I wanted out. But not from just this. I wanted out from everything. The few people who I was close to, or even people who had tolerated me to an extent, had basically told me to go fuck myself. It quite literally felt like I had lost everything.

I got ahold of some Tylenol and started filling up the bathtub. I had planned to overdose in the tub, hoping that if I went into a seizure from the medication, being submerged in water would limit the chances of me pulling out of said seizure. I’ve only attempted a few times in my life, so you can’t bash me too hard for not knowing how to do it.

As I started undressing, my iPad started ringing with a FaceTime audio call. It was my dad.

Somehow the situation found its way to him and he reached out to check on me. I don’t know if one of my friends contacted him, if he was already monitoring my accounts, or if it had just blown up that badly that even he(someone who doesn’t use twitter or own an account) had seen it. I tried to sound normal because it’s pretty rare for him to call me, but when he started bringing up what he saw, I broke down sobbing.

I explained everything to him, that I just wanted to help, and that I thought I was doing the right thing, and he told me to limit my social media exposure, because of how unhealthy it was becoming for me. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone with my actions. I worded things wrong and handled it badly, and I will wholeheartedly apologize for that. He explained to me that it was good that I wanted to do the right thing, but it wasn’t good to screw over my own mental health over this shit. He advised me to limit my social media usage to only those I could trust.(scary thing is, I didn’t know who all I COULD trust)While on call, I tried to deactivate my account but couldn’t because I forgot my fuckin password. All I could do is private my account and go dormant.

A few people reached out in Twitter dms and I spoke with many of them. They were extremely kind and supportive, and redirected me to the Mandela Catalogue Reddit forum, where I was welcomed in. I’ve been staying there, as well as occasionally posting on Tumblr. I’m scared to even touch my Twitter account with a 10 ft pole, and discord interactions have been next to none. I considered rebranding but I didn’t want to feel like I was trying to sneak my way out of accountability. I was just threatened and bashed so fuckin much that I didn’t feel safe interacting as myself, Anarchist Artist.

A bunch of people were screaming at me for linking Reddit threads and saying “YOU CANT TRUST REDDIT ITS FULL OF LIES” you’re literally using twitter which is probably WORSE when it comes to misinformation.

I never intended to fall down this rabbit hole of who’s right or who’s wrong. I will apologize for how I handled things and how I worded my post, but I will not apologize for speaking up about a story full of holes. For the victims to bully someone into submission is not mature or appropriate, and they should be held accountable as such. I have no intention of clearing my name, I have no intention to regain my friends or close ones, and I have no intention of saying “HA HA I TOLD YOU SO”. I just want shit to go back to even a slight semblance of normalcy.

Even if the victims’ stories are truthful to an extent, they way they have approached all of this is horrible and I’m upset that they endorsed harassing anyone who didn’t fall in line.

I’ll be here for now, but won’t post much. Everything is still a mess and I’m still concerned for my safety.

[shoukiko]

Hi, you can keep this unanswered and not post it, but I want to help you understand the thought behind some of the points in your criticism post. Before I start I want to apologise if I come off as blunt and rude, that's not my intention and I'll try my best to show my tone as unthreatening but I'm autistic and not a native English speaker, which complicates things lol

*general you used throughout the ask

First, I want to start with this: they all are part of the army. You don't need to dig much to see you'll rarely see a "morally upstanding" person in the army, be it because they're cheaters, abusers, compliant with all that or they're (insert -ist/-phobe category here). UK military spouses are 3 times more likely to experience intimate partner violence (IPV). I'm not saying the COD characters need to be written like that, but it wouldn't be "unrealistic" if we take real life statistics into account.

Second, and maybe the most important thing, everyone writes COD characters OOC. The majority of the active fandom on Tumblr and tiktok have seen gifs and 10min out of context clips from the game at best. It's to be expected to not frequently find something actually in character for a lot of the guys. Especially with characters that are just operators like König, Nikto and Krueger. In their case everything is and isn't OOC at the same time because we just... Don't know these characters. We lack characterisation past maybe 1-3 traits about them. I'd argue that's why the fandom liked König so much, other than being masked, he's the perfect paper doll! You can dress him up in whatever characterisation you want and it probably won't contradict his canon (because he barely has one and what he has is quickly misinterpreted (anxiety disorder turning into shyness for example)).

Now specifically on your "How are you going to hc a victim as the abuser?" - simple, whether you like to accept it or not is up to you, but it's not far fetched for victims to become abusers later in life. Just look at serial killers statistics - 74% of US serial killers were psychologically abused and 42% were physically abused as children and later in life followed a similar pattern brought to an extreme. Or on the other hand, a tamer example would be generational trauma because that's how we get that (grandparent was abused and because that's all they know, they implement it in bringing up their child who, for the same reason, implements it in bringing up the grandchild and so on).

The final thing I want to say is, it's good to block people who you don't vibe with. Doesn't matter if it's because they wrote something that personally disturbed you or you simply don't like their blog theme or you see them too often in the tag. Personally curating your experience is key in fandom, utilise the tools Tumblr has given us. Of course as you and others have mentioned that's impossible without some assistance from the other side. Tagging is extremely important (tagging with the correct words without censoring!!! Or the filter won't catch! Rape, noncon, incest ✅; r@pe, n*nc*n, 1nc*st ✖️✖️).

I hope this isn't too messy or long aaaa

I really appreciate you taking the time to type this up and actually speak to me about this, your input is very appreciated. /gen

I do think I could've done better on that post since I wrote it in the heat of the moment, all characters are written OOC and it was ignorant of me to say

"Maybe read the characters backstories and actually take their past into consideration because you guys kinda look dumb for making these characters so OOC."

I hope ya'll can really take the time to see my POV, I did not mean. any harm, I've come across some gross things, but blocking and filtering tags so much as begun to be tiring.

My main issue is tagging, without tagging I am left with getting triggered by random posts because the first few sentences may include something on my trigger list.

That's all I want and also what a lot of other people want.

Writing is meant for anyone and everyone, a form of art and perhaps a for of therapy.

Please tag your work, you are not the only person on the internet.

Thank you for reading!

#call of duty #cod mwii #cod mw2 #cod #simon ghost riley #cod mwiii #konig #kiko asks #shoukiko

[hxhhasmysoul]

Seriously? lol

@voxmxchina I'll answer this in a post because I don't feel like writing on a character limit. It will be an expression of my annoyance, read at your own discretion, Najma you don't read, you don't need my vexation, I love you.

You gave me too much credit, voxmxchina, I tagged the post out of sheer pettiness. You should’ve looked more closely at the tags on that post, I did not tag the Sokka x Zuko ship because I have nothing nice to say about it. And I don’t go into ATLA tags so I don’t know how fans in those tags behave. 

Maybe I didn’t express my main issue with SatoSugu as a ship clearly enough. The main issue is how so many fans of that ship treat the fandom as their private playground and relentlessly spam tags of unrelated characters and ships. Regularly on posts that don’t even mention tagged characters, or much more upsettingly overwrite the canon character moments of those characters by making those exact moments about Gojou, Getou and/or their ship. Posts that will have one sentence preface about how character X (usually Yuuji but others too, all too often, Kenjaku is the second major victim, Megumi third) is a foil/parallel/whatever of G or G and character Y is a foil/parallel/whatever of the other G. And then produce paragraph after paragraph of utter drivel, sometimes not even mentioning character X and Y again, just overwriting their scene with G&G. Or pretend that a moment that is very specifically about another character is actually about G or G, like recently they spammed the tag with claiming Sukuna was disappointed that Gojou died, when Sukuna was very clearly fucking referring to the person he'd just killed, aka Higuruma. Because no moment in JJK can be spared from being about those two characters or their fucking ship, because to their fans, apparently, that’s all that JJK is about and other fans better fucking get along with that program. 

During the Takaba and Kenjaku fight I actually blacklisted the SatoSugu ship tags because I couldn’t fucking stomach the behaviour of the fans. And yet I stumbled on a post that made TakaKen about SatoSugu. It was not tagged with any tag mentioning the SatoSugu ship, not a single one, I’m not even sure it had any of their individual tags. But it had Takaba and Kenjaku tags. When I pointed out to the op, amid a longer exchange, that if they didn’t want people who don’t like SatoSugu to engage with their post maybe a) they shouldn’t’ve spammed the tags of the characters they are erasing and more importantly b) tag their shitty ship so people who are actually using available tools not to see posts about it, can avoid that content, that person called me some equivalent of “insane”. They told me that it’s none of anyone’s business how they tag their posts. 

So as you see, a member of your own community deems what you’re asking for crazy. Your community is by far the biggest subset of the JJK fandom on this website. And maybe that person was the only one who actually said it verbatim, but everyone who spams the other tags is of the same mindset. 

And while I didn’t extend the courtesy to SatoSugu fans because at this point I don’t give a single shit about their feelings and I actually wanted them to see that post and either reflect on their asshole behaviour or get upset and block me and thus purge what I see in the tags from their shit takes, unlike many of them I actually didn’t break the Tumblr ToS by tag spamming. That post is actually partially about the SatoSugu ship. 

I think you should first try policing your own community and not, I know it’s wild, zero in on one of the rare posts that express anything negative about that ship. Granted I have a lot of the fandom blocked for various shitty opinions, but when I scrolled down the SatoSugu tag organised by Latest, the first post I found saying anything negative about the ship was, lo and behold, mine. The one you left this reply on.  

If I can stomach several posts erasing my favs daily, SatoSugu fans can be exposed to literal five short paragraphs criticising their ship, but mostly their behaviour actually, every once in a while. 

#vent #bitter #like literally every time i express any negative opinions about the muppet man and his ship with the fascist #no matter how short #even if it's just a few sentences in a post that is about something else or a post with very few notes #his fans will always come to scold me #in that post there are literally 5 sentences expressing a negative opinion about the ship itself #the rest is about how the fans behave

[kissitbttr]

TJANK FUCKING GOD YOURE TALKING ABOUT THE R@PE SHIT IN THIS FANDOM. I'm actually in disbelief of how often it's being written. And I get the whole 'dont like, then scroll' and whatever, but when I open up my dash/tags and the first FIVE FUCKING FICS are r@pe fics???? And there's more every day, by the same, but also newer writers??? Wanna know what that is? Normalization. There's one blog on here that's so so so bad for it. And honestly, I get darker content, and I get the interest in rape from a psychological and conditional aspect, but that is when it's being taken seriously. These writers on here? Yeah, they're not fucking taking it seriously. If I see one more '💕🌷🎀' on a r@pe fic, I'm going to fucking lose it.

I can't imagine showing a survivor of SA one of these fics and telling them there is more like it. Like... How embarrassing. But the excuse is that the writers were SA'd and that this is the way they can work through their trauma. Personally, that literally does not add up to me. But! I'm not a psychologist so I can't dictate how someone works through their trauma. But, I can have an opinion on what they put on a public domain. And that's where the whole COD fandom issue lies. There is literally no healthy discourse. If you ask someone why they write about r@pe, they either block you, publicly slander you like you're the idiot for asking about a r@pe fic (???), or tell you to fuck off or something. Like... Why can't we just have a healthy discussion about it?? ESPECIALLY in a fandom with a pretty large female following. We SHOULD be talking about this not being hostile to each other, writers and readers alike.

Idk, sorry for the word dump. I spent four hours talking to a friend about this (who doesn't have Tumblr) and the general consensus was the same. I wish people could just think a little more critically. Just because you have a kink, or think somethings hot, doesn't always mean it's okay. And when you're consistently writing about it as a way to work through it, and posting it online, that just might be a sign that you should talk to a professional, cause there's nothing wrong with getting a second opinion.

took the fucking words outta my mouth babe. you are so RIGHT

tbh i never seen someone actively open about their trauma and say that they write the r*** fics as a way for them to cope. that’s definitely new to me. i mean, i’m no expert too and i can’t exactly say and tell them how to feel but yea that’s a little… bizarre. whether or not they’re using that as an excuse so they can write it i have nothing to say abt that. but if it’s a lie then they can go fuck themselves.

it’s not only this fandom i believe, right? there’s gotta be more and that’s the most fucked up thing about it. like i do not need to know you’re some mentally fucked individual who enjoys writing and reading about r*** content, u keep that shit to yourself. do not bring that bullshit here.

it’s pretty saddening to know that telling ppl to fuck off is their only response. which makes me realized that they are only good for one thing. how could you not have any ounce of decency in you to actually be aware of those things and realize that r*** is not okay and will never be okay?? I don’t care what’s the excuse or whatever reasons u want to bring to the table. if u don’t wanna talk about how r*** takes the joy out of a SA victim and leave a permanent scar in which they have to live with everyday, then there is no point in writing them at all.

and also, you know what saddens me more? the blogs that normally write them comes from women. because, man… you should’ve known better… you should’ve known that no woman on earth could ever live in peace knowing that one exact fear is the reason why we are so terrified of going out alone. why we are so terrified of men. why would you ever go out your way and change these beautiful characters to be some sort of evil spawn ?? weird ass bitches.

don’t be sorry for the word dump!! because i’m glad that some of you came into my inbox and expressed your thoughts about this particular bullshit.

they do need to get some help. and i mean this in the most nicest and disrespectful way possible tbh.

#anon #answered #also… which blog u talking abt cause i need to block em

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Just found your tumblr and idk why but I felt like telling you that I'm finishing the second volume of the English edition of svsss and so far I feel that I won't like SJ, I don't get liushen, I don't get LBH's hairdo and too muscular body, I don't get how there are people saying SY doesn't care about LBH... and a lot of popular takes I've seen the fandom having about it.

I think the reason I felt like telling you was actually because you're one of the few people I saw maybe not agreeing with those either? So I confess I feel a little frustrated about the fandom rn, lmao

Welcome anon!

I am... rather picky, to put it mildly about the SVSSS content I consume for its fandom.

I cannot stand many of the popular fanpairs (sorry luishen and cumplane stuff, but get that away from me... or tag it so I can block and remain happy with my day without wishing you can't ever be comfortable in bed again trying to fall asleep because I will curse you myself).

As well as much of the material for fics for Bingqiu and Moshang. It relies on shaving Shen Qingqiu's personality to have undue sympathy and self-esteem issues over "Shen Jiu" and his own existence where he just doesn't CARE if he became Shen Qinqiu because he was determined not to be a vile low empathy person to save his own skin (and Binghe but that OBVIOUSLY doesn't count cause of something something protag halo). Shen Qinghua is just as well made far softer than he actually is... when he is a little scummy rat man in the rain that you don't wanna touch ever. Come ON he made a hetporn harem novel!!! He is incel nerd without thinking he was the incel shut in nerd.

However I suppose my biggest pet-peeve is the way Luo Binghe is treated by fandom itself. I find something distasteful in the way it always makes Luo Binghe either pathetic or annoying to raise up other characters when from Shen Yuan's point of view, he is exasperatingly like a teen girl crying but very endeared to this. He never once hated or felt forced to do anything in regards to his own romance with Luo Binghe as HE was the one to step forward with making what they had no longer platonic as teacher and former student. He has a student kink, Luo Binghe has a teacher kink it is what it is, and they don't exactly care what others may think anymore. Given that Shen Qingqiu states himself if Luo Binghe was really unwelcomed he would follow him wherever. That doesn't sound as anything forced upon him other than anyone that tries to make him choose, at which point his choice is Luo Binghe. Yue Qingyuan at any rate, is the only one he seems to care about that blessing from, and he got it. Luo Binghe is a victim of several abuses over the years, to me, he's all those bits, good and difficult on paper.

Art is subjective and I could care less how it looks normally since I like it or not and can scroll on with my life if I don't or reblog what pretty art I think is pretty. I find the English art inserts endearing as it's very much reminiscent of late 90's and early 00's anime aesthetics. It fits for the world as a whole that PIDW was meant to be.

People will willfully put what is not there for fandom wants, I however, choose to ignore most of it, as I am vastly content with what the author has given me to play with in the playground of canon only.

#svsss #scum villain #fandom vs canon #oh fandom #fandom is not always better

[olderthannetfic]

This Goncharov debate is only circling back to the two issues your marvelous blog has put into question all year long. (years?)

One, we are facing a new generation of people that have no idea how to use the internet. If people google search for the movie, and the first result is the Wikipedia page for it, and they settle for that information alone, then obviously they don't know how to look for other sources of information that is not the already digested ones by either social media or Wikipedia. The second is known for being the target of trolls constantly messing with the entries every time some meme is blown out of proportion.

But I don't buy this explanation from some other anons. People are always championing for wokeness but get blinded by their wish of making everything safe because I just google it, and several results mention how all this is a big Tumblr joke. Come on kids, if you can get easily gaslighted by the internet, then this obviously means the people you defend or yourself, maybe need to learn how to navigate this. This has to do with fake news and that stuff, but I thought that only happened to my 68-year-old mum because her only source is Facebook. There are several articles already about how this is “reality internet/unreality/meme”.

Second. Mental illness. I don't mean to victim blame anyone, I suffer from mental illness too, bipolarity, OCD, and clinical depression. I have my bad days. But I am aware of my issues, and that's why I have to be self-aware and not engage with everything that makes me hurt. Once again we need to understand that the only safe space, is the one you create for yourself. The internet is not supposed to be monitored or censured, people can try to control it, but honestly, that would only kill the internet, they already are containing people with algorithms and fake news as it is. To use another meme. “You can't handle the truth”. But others do.

Now, some people are not self-aware of their mental illness, but why do we need to turn it into a responsibility for everyone?. This is the same issue as kids on the internet, I don't have kids, so why should I care about some random kid wandering unsupervised by his parents into the space I have created for myself?. If I had a kid, I certainly would NEVER give them free access to the internet, and when ready, I would teach them at least, how to use it. This is the same issue with people with severe mental illness. It's the responsibility of their families (not their friends either, being in charge of the health of a friend would turn into caregivers burnout).

I might sound extreme, but this is similar to giving a mentally ill person a Gun. People are saying that those kinds of individuals “loss their grip of reality” because of a meme, and in turn, this makes them self harm?, suicidal?....this is the same then as giving them something as dangerous as a weapon. Only people think there's nothing wrong, and it's harmless to have an internet connection.

But if it was, then we wouldn't be speaking about people getting hurt by a joke. But as with guns, those are tools too, it's not problem of the tool, but who is allowed to use one/carry one. People need to stop babying others on the internet, it's no one's duty to make it safe. It took me less than five posts down in my main to see people fighting about Goncharov’s plot differences to make me realize it was a meme.

Do you know what actually needs unreality tags?. Everything and everyone on Tiktok, like put a tag on the App. In fact, I constantly need reality checks every time I enter Instagram and I see an incredible hegemonical beauty on vacation on some paradise island. Influencers should tag themselves as unreality because they induce in me an existential crisis with their dreamlike perfect -from outside capitalist lives. Maybe the real problem is social media….Nah, lets blame the creative artsy game of those dorks instead…right?...

--

[thischarmingbaby]

yikes.

when i rejoined tumblr this month after a near 10 year hiatus, it was a bonehead move on my part to re-follow and re-blog old posts/creators that i am no longer in community or fellowship with. i'm an idiot for that and for that i was wrong.

it was innocuous in personal nature but doesn't make it any less stupid on my part.

it was lost on me how that might make some folks feel; we often can be short sighted by macro actions and neglect how they can be interpreted on a micro level.

context is important, full truths are essential- but here we are.

there are a lot of things that i am and there are a lot of things that i am not but what's the value in yelling into the echo chamber anyway? screaming into a toxic vacuum? no sir no ma'am.

use your own best judgment and follow your own constitution and moral or ethical compass.

any action on my part is always predicated on the basis of a platonic merit and being in community with others of similar background or life experience.

be careful not to weaponize language without warrant; and just be nice to one another.

i don't care what anyone says about me -- but don't say bad things about actual SA victims and don't say bad things about the original poster whose name i have redacted out of respect for them and their privacy-- which is more than what was afforded to me.

just be nice to each other.

we're all meeting each other at different points of our journeys and awakenings and life's a lot cooler with a little discourse, compassion and understanding.

just be nice and be respectful of one another.

writers note: it wasn’t until around noon on 3/21 that i discovered i’d been tagged in a message on a gossip blog- centering anonymously submitted messages here on Tumblr that i never received notification of (i would gather that if a person is blocked, their messages might not be seen.. but idk, i should have received the messages but haven’t). but the second a problem or issue was realized, it was promptly remedied — and that’s the most and the only that i will speak on this.

everyone have a great day and use your own judgment in making determinations and gauge the wholeness of the people, persons or person that you know.

✌🏾

#thischarmingbaby

[butch-blade]

hi! I was going through the tags on that tumblr post abt media with a ton of content warnings that turn out to be recommendations and saw your tags abt death mark which looks right up my alley. just wondering if you had a content warning list on hand for the game? a cursory google is giving me a general picture of what to expect but I was wondering if there’s another resource floating around with a little more detail than “blood/gore and one torture-esque scenario”. no worries if not - and thanks for the rec! :^)

hi! i don't think ive ever seen a list but i can make one from the top of my head by chapter, and if you have any specific triggers you might need a warning for you should just tell me what it is and I'll let you know!

all of the chapters contain gore / body horror so im going to be a bit more specific about what happens

also this game has a weird thing for "sexy" cgs in really unnecessary moments and it's unfortunate / one of my biggest issues with the game because it could be easily removed and the game would still be fine without them.

chapter 1: plant horror / gore, dismemberment, child abuse (mentioned)

chapter 2: bug horror, trypophobia, mass suicide (mentioned)

chapter 3: sexual assault (mentioned), suicide (mentioned)

chapter 4: animal abuse

chapter 5: war crimes, experiments on people, religious imagery

chapter 6: child exploitation, suggestive themes

many of it comes from the spirit characters having been victims of some sort of terrible happening in their life and it is handled tastefully for the most part. i think sometimes they try to use sex as a horror factor as well and im still not honestly sure what i think about it but it's there and i like to bring it up so that they can choose if they want to play the game or not! despite the little cringe scenes (that are like. 99% removed in the second game) it's still one of my favorite games and if you end up enjoying it and wanting to talk about it, id love to hear what you have to say about it

#ask #felix speaks

[captainteague]

“I call on Captain Teague, Keeper of the Code.”

Indie RP blog for Captain Edward Teague. Written by Ace. 21+.

Permanent semi-hiatus. Private + highly selective.

Affiliated with @trickstercaptain & @hangtherules & @mysticwrit & @musecraft & @immobiliter

Exploring themes of: generational trauma  //  the imperfect victim  //  substance abuse  //  family values  //  destructive loyalty  //  internalized sexism  //  what it means to be a “good man”  //  norms across different societies  //  ride or die siblings  //  surviving vs living  //  acting for the needs of the many vs the whims of a few  //  blood is thicker than water  //  becoming the establishment you rebelled against  //  never too old to grow  //  (undeserved) second chances  //  unwanted power  //  violence for the sake of peace  //  doing the right thing when no one else will  //  the abused becomes the abuser  //  soulmates

CARRD.   MEMES.   HEADCANONS. MULTI-MUSE.

THE CODE IS THE LAW

I.  This blog contains triggering content. Prevalent NSFW themes will include gore, mentions of child abuse, adult-oriented language, and so forth. Triggers will be tagged upon request with a simple tw ___.

II.    While I love well-developed OC's and appreciate how much effort some people put into their OC's development, I won't be interacting with the following: 'siblings of jack sparrow', 'adopted by Teague and served aboard his ship', and 'children of jack sparrow'. The only exceptions to this rule are the sparrabeth grandchildren in my family au with trickstercaptain, hangtherules, and verumlibertas.

III.  ​ I keep a drama-free dash. If you reblog call-outs or other OOC nonsense I will unfollow you.

IV.   This blog primarily has fixed universes. What this means is that if Teague has an interaction with muse a this can carry over to a thread with muse b. I don’t like making a million different timelines because I feel it diminishes my ability to develop verses. In this same vein, I don’t like collecting muses. If I follow you (provided you’re active) I likely won’t follow another version of your muse. I don’t expect reciprocation. 

V.    I don't suspect this will be an issue on this blog....but shipping on this blog is very selective. The main ship on his blog is with Jack’s mother, Maria, any other ships happen before he meets her or after her death. Good IC and OOC chemistry is needed for any shipping. 

VI. In light of softblocking becoming a more popular trend I ask that if you’re going to softblock then please go ahead and hardblock. Tumblr is too glitchy for me not to assume that your unfollow may have been an accident.

[vermutandherring]

Warning: This article contains images of violence and blood.

The first part of the review: ORIGINS The third part of the review: WHERE ART IS HIDDEN

There are small spoilers that do not reveal the plot of the game, but only separately highlight certain moments in the game.

This is the second part of my review on Vampyr, in which I talk about the plot and its construction.

Due to russia's attacks, the time to use electricity is getting shorter. It deprives me of both writing time and inspiration (greetings from Ukraine). Anyway, someone tagged my previous Vampyr review as a long read. I know it's a little too much for Tumblr, but sometimes I feel like if I don't dissect a game I've played, these thoughts will eat away at my brain. So this is the second of 3 parts dedicated to Vampyr, namely to its plot.

At the first immersion in the game, which occurs even at the stage of reading the annotation, the plot may seem a bit dry. Doctor Jonathan Reid returns from the war to quarantined London, overflowing with mass graves of citizens who died from the Spanish flu. Now, trying on a new role as a vampire, he must investigate the causes of the spread of the disease and find out what happened to him on the way home. To do this, having enlisted the support of the vampire Lady Ashbury and Dr. Swansea, Jonathan will have to fight against vampire aristocrats, devout vampire hunters and his own nature torn by contradictions.

If you remove all the vampire fleur, the plot will resemble novels with stories about loan sharks, lawyers, bureaucracy, promissory notes and securities, dragged by the smog of industrial cities of the XIX century. In addition, in the center of the story is a military doctor (doesn't it remind you of anything?), that is, a representative of a whole 'broken generation' that saw human cruelty in all its manifestations on the battlefields of the First World War. If you want to imagine the state of people at that time just for a second, look at the works of the artist Otto Dix, who went through this hell himself. Or spend one evening on Twitter, browsing posts with the Ukraine tag. By this I mean that the protagonist of Vampyr is a traumatized character with some issues. More precisely, it could be like that. But back to the in-game story.

I like the approach to plot selection. It is not simply included in the chronological framework of the era, but is closely related to the real events of the covered period of time. Because of this, even the main character himself seems like a historical figure, which led me to read about blood transfusions and when this method was actually discovered. Answering this question, blood transfusion was invented long before 1918, and is used by Stoker as a way to save the bloodless Lucy. And the very decision to make a vampire a doctor, tying the plot on it, is truly brilliant. This duality of Jonathan's new nature presents the player with a dilemma from the start: to allow the protagonist to honorably keep the Hippocratic Oath while grasping for scraps of humanity, or to place its remains on the altar for the sake of achieving the goal at any cost.

It is worth saying right away that the first option is more difficult. Quenching your thirst (i.e. killing characters) will give Jonathan a lot of experience which you can use to improve your vampire skills and level up. But with each life taken, Dr. Reid will become less and less like himself. Saving the lives of potential victims will not benefit you in itself. To do this, you will have to spend on quests, the completion of which will give you the desired experience points. But don't take it as a boring burden. The tasks from the townspeople are mostly interesting and what is most important - reveal not only their characters, but also Jonathan's vampiric side.

In the previous part, I already mentioned the restraining power of morality, borrowed from Christianity through the lens of Stoker. But the writer uses morality on the contrary, as a driving force, as an idea that drives the characters to save a dear person and cleanse the world of Dracula. In Vampyr, morality seems like a safety net, keeping you as Jonathan from making a mistake. Often, in attempts to 'solve the problem' of another character, I stopped at the question: do I have the right to this? Does Jonathan have the right to take away mortal life and give eternal life? Do I have the authority to judge the rightness of someone's actions when I am the one who does evil? After all, Jonathan is an ordinary vampire, not a deity. And it's not just my guilty conscience. Your acquaintances tell you about it to your face, or these messages slip through the dialogues themselves. And even if you want to play a good doctor, you should remember that everyone has their own definition of good. My first decisions in the game were terrible, although I believed that I was doing the right thing and in good conscience, satisfying all sides of the conflict. As we know, you can't please everyone.

But do not perceive your choice as a mistake, and its consequences as a bad ending. After all, life is about choices and their consequences. In the game you do not have the opportunity to return to a certain point and roll everything back. The plot of the game and the story of the main character flow like life, which cannot be begged to be given another chance. But you can always look back to think about how to fix mistakes. Depending on the chosen path, taking into account all your decisions and summing up the amount of blood drunk, the game will reward you as you deserve. This is much more than I could expect from a game of this caliber.

Returning to the main character, our Doctor Reid is not deprived of 'exclusivity syndrome'. Before the events of the game, Jonathan was already known in scientific circles as a skilled doctor and surgeon. In the world of medicine, he is a superstar, as the very first chapter of the game makes us understand. And it is on these stellar shoulders with an exceptional mindset that the sweet gift of vampirism and the heavy burden of saving the homeland falls.

On the one hand, I am somewhat annoyed by the concept of 'exclusivity' of the character. Think how many titles you have in Skyrim that are mutually exclusive, not to mention that you are humanity's last hope for salvation. Think of all the games you've played - in most of them, your main character almost changes the fate of the entire universe. For no apparent reason, just because. The first to change this concept for me was Cyberpunk 2077. Although you are fighting global evil in the form of corporations and their expansion, your 'avatar' is a small cog that has a chance to remain the same at the end of the game (I say this because I got the most stupid ending). But Vampyr approaches this question in a balanced way. The plot quite logically explains why the superstar-surgeon-vampire-champion Jonathan is the chosen one to save England and why only he can do it. As I said in the first part of my review, the game will definitely answer this question at the end. And the answer rests on one of the pillars of the game - science.

The already mentioned concept of the character's dualistic nature and the connection of the plot to the real events of the past allow the game to stand firmly on its feet. This allows you to combine various aspects of the game layout into a single logical whole. First of all, we have a fairly 'realistic' reason for the development of events, supported by historical facts. In Vampyr disease doesn't just hinder our progress toward the truth. It is part of the truth that the player must reach. The beginning gives a rather vague explanation of what is happening. Against this background, the behavior of people also seems strange, because it is not completely clear whether they are aware of the existence of vampires. The game does not go into excessively fantastic explanations of what is happening. But it leaves them a little far from our understanding, as the idea of primitive people about the state of things in the world. It makes one feel as if such a thing really happened, and the ambiguity of the explanation of the phenomenon of vampirism is as much a logical fallacy as the logical gaps in the Bible (I still consider myself a believer).

Secondly, the detective style of the story is a good motivation for completing the plot. Jonathan's professional experience allows him to draw rational conclusions to match his meticulous mind. And oh wonder! This is not inconsistent with the fact that we have a story about vampires here. Thirdly, the attempt to give the story realism is also followed in the attempts of the developers to explain some minor game moments. Can you shoot a gun? Even the small revolver that Jonathan uses weighs not so little. Besides, it is not enough just to be able to pull the trigger. You have to know how to aim and consider the return. The average doctor hardly knows all these subtleties. But in the hands of Jonathan, a doctor who went through the war, the weapon does not cause dissonance. At least a firearm…

Influenza is also an explanation for why Jonathan wanders around at night and asks the people of London why they themselves are not sitting at home at night. This is an insignificant detail that should not be paid attention to at all. But the game tries to remain rational until the end.

From all of the above, it may seem that in terms of plot, everything in the game is perfect from start to finish. But it is not quite so. Let's go back to the first paragraph, where I argued that Jonathan is a representative of the war-traumatized generation. In fact, the game squeezes very little out of it. Only in a few dialogues does Dr. Reid mention this experience. We also see some of his flashbacks, which present the protagonist as a dedicated doctor, ready to go to the end. In this case, the arc of the character, which can turn Jonathan into a bloodthirsty beast with your good will, seems somewhat illogical. How can a person who has seen oceans of blood, seas of human tears and their suffering come down the path of a ruthless monster? He is either subconsciously a maniac or a weak-willed person, although his military experience proves otherwise.

Also, as I mentioned in the first part of the review, Jonathan has very progressive views at the time. He does not look like a haughty nobleman and treats all patients equally; he supports the emancipation of women and respects them; does not condemn same-sex or interracial relationships. Today, after years of struggle, all of the above is normal. For the beginning of the XX century, this is a little too much. I'm not saying it's implausible and destroys Jonathan as a character. But he is too perfect a man, whom I personally did not dare to destroy with the curse of vampirism. Maybe that Marty Stu effect smooths the plot a bit. Regardless of the path he chooses, Jonathan still goes through his character arc. You either overcome the thirst, keeping everything human in you, or you allow the new nature to consume you.

In this part of the review, I tried to explain why Vampyr has a really interesting and original plot, which among all modern works about vampires could be a kind of classic. It has a great premise, good motivation for the main character, moderately gothic and fantasy, but at the same time not overloaded with magical silliness. The narrative is neat and logical, and most importantly, interesting, full of drama and poetry (more on that in the next chapter). The story of the game allows you to develop your own vision of the character's story, bringing it to a predetermined ending.

Looking at the game on Steam or the Wiki page, you will see reviews about the mediocrity of the game, the weakness of the combat system, the heavily modified original source, out-of-place face animations, weak graphics and, of course, bugs, lags and freezes. Because of this, I deliberately avoid some boyish view of the game, focused on leveling and crafting, on digging to the smallest detail and complaining about 58 FPS instead of 60. I want to say that each game in terms of content's depth outweighs some quantitative indicators and I advise you to take a game (at least Vampyr) first and foremost as a work of art, not a battery-operated doll. In art criticism, you will not find a five-point rating scale for a painting or a rating of the best sculptors. After all, each work is unique, and in order to prove why it is bad or good, you need to qualitatively analyze its "means of expression". This time, I laid out the plot of the game on the shelves (at least for myself). In the next part, I will try to find something about the visual component, a little about the drama and, of course, the music, in order to finally reveal the essence of this game.

I wrote the review in a hurry, trying to make it to the next power outage. I apologize for all the mistakes, circumlocutions and perhaps not very clear constructions of sentences.

#gaming #video games #videogames #vampire game #horror games #video game review #games art #vampire #vampire aesthetic #vampyr #jonathan reid #dracula #my articles

[aronarchy]

[image ID: a screenshot of a Tumblr interaction.

On May 3, someone posted, “[cloud emoji]: [redacted] blinkies <3 anti abuse only plz,” with six blinkies, captioned “all made at blinkie.cafe”

On June 2, critical-collective reblogged the original post. A third person reblogged this reblog, saying, “Many of those you would consider pro-abuse would consider themselves anti-abuse, and I can firmly say that even without knowing your stance. Sorry, but this is literally the same as ‘basic DNI,’ ‘DNI shitheads.’”

critical-collective reblogged from the third person, adding the tags, “#tbh i didnt even see that anti abuse thing when i first rbed #i was just captivated by the rolal blinkie #but rbing for that addition #also important to say that you cant really control who uses the things you post to public domain”

/end image ID]

I’ve been seeing this take more and more often among people I would consider friends/closely acquainted comrades, and I strongly disagree. It’s kind of worrying, actually. I’d wanted to address this earlier, and even started drafting this post weeks ago, but unfortunately stress + ADHD made me unable to actually finish writing it until now.

I remember seeing a similar sentiment around here from this following set of answers to anons. I hadn’t wanted to say anything about those answers at the time, because I was triggered and distressed, and thought it wasn’t really important enough of an issue to make a fuss about. But I think I’ll talk about it now, and I’ll also take this chance to address these in the same post, because they run on similar faulty logics.

[image ID: three asks sent to a person (not through Tumblr) about 1 month ago.

The first ask:

I see that many [[people in a certain community/demographic] think that [thing which is a form of sexual abuse] does not count as real sexual abuse,] but [they see that] others unfortunately [are] being real victims of predators and get sexually abused [(what does count as “real sexual abuse” under their framework)], so although wouldn't it be more logical to be anti-abuse than anti-[term for a set of behaviors which all constitute abuse (we believe we are correct in considering them to be abuse), though the aforementioned individuals believe that only some of them are abuse)]?

answer:

“Anti abuse” sounds like “anti bad things, pro good things” to me.

second ask:

Are you not anti bad things pro good things?

answer:

I try not to define my political positions in ways that describe my attitude more than what I actually want.

third ask:

But some people do think abuse is good, even things they themselves consider “abuse” (with that word).

answer:

Most people I’ve come across agreed with me that abuse is bad. We just defined abuse differently. And that, together with how sensationalized the concept of abuse is and how easily people get aggressive at the slightest implication that they support abuse, makes me not want to use this word as often. There are other ways to say the same thing.

Some portions have been redacted. The text in brackets was edited in by me to clarify context or make things easier to read.

/end image ID]

(I’m aware that this might make the OPs feel attacked. To clarify, I don’t intend this as an attack of some sort, just as a way to air my disagreements and frustrations and possibly provide useful information or arguments. Usually I don’t say anything at all when a friend/close acquaintance says something which I find problematic, because I don’t want to make people mad/upset at me, and feel like nobody would agree anyway. I’m not mad and don’t want any apologies; just bringing up points for consideration.)

It’s very important to me that people do not confuse what “should” be done from what “can” be done. It’s true, for example, that it’s difficult to truly have control over who reuses your designs you post to Tumblr. That doesn’t, however, make it wrong for you to wish for your creations to be reshared in respectful and ethical ways. Is it actually wrong for someone to violate a “do not use this if you are X”? I don’t know; the ethical considerations surrounding boundaries regarding non-direct interactions like these are far more ambiguous and difficult to determine. That doesn’t mean, however, that we should use doomer arguments—the logic of “you can’t enforce this, which is why you should not expect (want) people to respect this” itself can be applied to anything. Including boundaries that are much more obviously obligatory to respect. Leaving this open is dangerous. A similar set of arguments applies to DNIs in general.

And is it wrong for, say, a bigot to interact with a marginalized person who says “people bigoted against my identity DNI”? IMO, yes, but not really because I’d say “all DNIs are always inherently wrong to violate”; it’s because a bigot, with the beliefs they hold, makes those marginalized people unsafe. But the very same DNIs that are (pretty much) most unambiguously unethical to cross are also the ones which are hardest to enforce, because by definition bigots do not care about the boundaries of marginalized people. But, using this to argue against DNIs as a whole misunderstands the reason why many people say “[bigoted group] DNI.” They know that it’s not really enforceable without a block, but it sends a message: that this is what they want, and it indicates what they believe, and that they are likely hostile to bigotry. The same logic applies to abuse apologia.

This is in no way the same as things like “basic DNI criteria” or “DNI shitheads.” “Basic DNI criteria” and “shitheads” are nebulous, basically impossible to define universally, because they can’t be the same among everyone; they're by themselves vague and extremely subjective. But “abuse” is not such a term. Abuse is possible (arguably easy!) to define objectively, and one should expect people to adhere to a single definition of “abuse” (and believe that it exists). Of course most people don't agree on what constitutes “abuse”—and that is a problem, actually! Most people are abuse apologists; that’s not a good thing. Of course most people aren't the type of edgelord that’s unironically supportive of what they personally believe does constitute “abuse.” That doesn’t mean they’re not actually pro-abuse though; it means they’re wrong thinking some abuse isn’t real abuse. But the solution to that is not to cater to their abuse apologia, to coddle them and refuse to tell them the truth for the sake of some liberal ideals of “tolerance” for a “diversity of opinions.” Some opinions are not valid! Some opinions are harmful!

Bigots (in general) use the exact same tactics, rejecting labels like “racist” or “homophobe” when they’re accused of being such, because they don't believe what they’re promoting or doing “counts” as “real” bigotry or oppression. That doesn’t mean they're right about that. It also does not mean that people should stop saying “I don’t want [bigots] here” because “well what about the [un-self-aware bigots]!!” (They are un-self-aware bigots, not people who just happen to have a neutrally different and equally valid opinion on what constitutes bigotry.)

Ceding that the definition of abuse can reasonably/should be relativized is what abuse-relativizers (and abuse advocates/abusers in general) have been cheering on since forever. They believe that “abuse” is “simply a word to indicate nebulous individual feelings of perceiving Bad Things” because they support abuse and don’t view it as a serious issue specifically defined by exploitation of power/violation of autonomy which is inherently unethical, and view victims as lying, overreacting, contemptible, and unreliable witnesses to or interpreters of our own lives. They apply this view to victims/survivors all the time, dismissing our concerns as simply “subjective feelings” or Moral(tm) Judgment(tm), and cast this labeling as “demonization.”

The term abuse is “sensationalized” in most people’s minds BECAUSE of pervasive abuse culture and pro-abuse attitudes. Of course many people only believe that Actually Extremely Bad actions are “abusive”—they don’t have a good understanding of what abuse is! That is a very bad thing! It is one of the most important factors in making most abuse go undetected and most victims unsupported! (Meanwhile, the actual problem with the anon’s statement and beliefs went unaddressed, missing out on a useful opportunity, because the responder decided to focus completely on the wrong problem.)

I can’t really take this (the responses to the asks) as just some sort of personal preference indicator regarding terminology and comfort levels. It’s clearly a capitulation to abuse culture that fundamentally misunderstands the dynamics at play, and ultimately reinforces these problems.

Yes, much of abuse victim advocacy advises that (at first) you should not directly use the term “abuse” when telling someone that the abusive behaviors they’ve experienced were wrong or that their abuser is harming them. But that has never been a call to keep doing that forever, perceiving avoiding the term “abuse” (them having internalized their abuser’s abusive rhetoric) as some sort of good thing. It’s a crucial part of healing and breaking free from abuse to be able to understand that the abuse was in fact “abuse” and that abusers are abusers.

The word “abuse” is language extremely important to victims/survivors and anti-abuse activists. Abuse apologists’ fear of/aggressive opposition to being labeled abusers is a clear indicator and product of their own ignorance, entitlement, and oppressive ideologies. That makes it even more important to confront their problematic rhetoric and lack of understanding instead of defanging our ability to analyze and critique power dynamics and advocate for ourselves.

Everywhere I look I see people wanting to water down, co-opt, or constrain the language developed and used by survivors because nothing will satisfy them but, ultimately, complete silence. Everywhere people seem allergic to the term “abuse,” complaining that it is “too strong a word” and maybe you shouldn’t use it? I mean it’s kind of harsh/mean/too extreme/subjective/exaggerating/hysterical isn’t it? Just pick a different word!!! (No word ever truly satisfies.) I’m fucking tired of this bullshit and I don’t want traces of it to stick in places where I am supposed to feel safe and have my issues and my needs understood too.

(update: talked it out with the aforementioned third person; we mostly agree)

#OP

[lilywoood]

You've got a mail 7/15

I originally didn't plan on posting anything on Tumblr anymore but I'm having some issues with my AO3 account so to be sure that I'm not loosing anything I'll start to post here again.

Tag list : @comablog2 @justsmilestuffhappens @gxtop @chrrlees @hardychick89 @jb-ap-94 @chioink @peroquenotevean @tk-carlosforlifex @nighting-gale17 @fyeahhipsterdoctor@leslilupe @anthony-e-stark-3000 @haderofthesociety @iamonlyaliveformalex @wearelosersyoudumbfuck @serena040506 @multi-fandom-writing @my-name-i-we

Words count : 2100

Song : Arsonist's Lullaby- Hozier

TK hated hospital, he loathed them, hated their deathly antiseptic smell, hated the nurses, hated the doctors, hated the greyish wall, hated how he could see death roaming through the corridors in search of it next victims, hated to hear the muffled cries of people, hated how the place sucked all hope of peoples.

TK hated hospital, he hated how it made him remember of all the mistakes he made, hated how he could remember all the time he found himself bound to one of its beds, hated how he could still feel his mothers tears wetting his cheeks, how he could hear his father’s distressed sighs, how he could hear his parents talking with doctors outside of his room, how they talked about rehabs,talked about how they missed the signs, how they would then fights each other, blame each others, ignore each other, how he would pretend he was still asleep to avoid the questioning and disappoined stares.

He could reminisce the first time he landed in there, the first time he woke up with a tube down his throat, machines breathing for him, his mother asleep at his feet and his father passing back and forth in the room, he was fifteen at that time.

They though that it was just a stupid mistake made by an easily swayed kid, but it hadn’t be a stupid mistake, he purposely drank all those beers just because Owen Walker was there that night, just because he kept on refiliing him, just because he’d liked the senior attention, and wanted to keep it no matter what, he drank and drank not counting how many he had until the room started to turn auround him, until the voices became noises, and then nothing… Owen never visited him, none of the people from the party did and he swore to himself and his parents that he would never do it again, that beer tasted like piss  anyway, he lied…

His parents were screaming bloody murder at one another the second time it happened, he didn’t know why he though that drinking would quench the sound of their voices yet he did, found the key to the alcohol cabinet and drank vodka like there were no tomorrow, they blamed themselves this time, they ignored see the signals once again.

The third time it happened they weren’t there, the third time he was seventeen he started hanging out with the wrong crowd, and soon found that alcohol alone didn’t do the trick, it wasn’t strong enough, it didn’t erase the voice they were just less noisy, less loud, but still there and he needed them gone, he needed everything and everyone gone from his mind, he needed to be alone there, alone with the void. 

It was a private party alcohol and weeds everywhere, people  partying like crazy, none caring about the consequences or about tomorrow, they were living life to it fullest and that what TK intended to do, he was quietly drinking while observing the room when they passed him some pills, he didn’t know what exactly they were as the only thing he remembered of that night was that it did the trick, soon the voices faded, he couldn’t hear a sound, couldn’t feel the pain, couldn’t feel the burden of the truth, his truth soon disappeared, right now and there he was just TK Strand the ‘normal’ but alcoholic son of Owen and Gwenyth Strand, he was just a lost kid who met the wrong people, he was just a kid who needed his parents saving. 

He woke up in rehab after that night, a tube down his throat and beeping machines surrounding him, he was alone in his room a green little enveloppe tauting him on his bedside table, he never read it, when they unhooked him the first thing he did was get rid of the letter, he didn’t ask where his parents were guessing that they dropped him there cause they gave up on fighting a battle he didn’t want to win, he never called them, declined each and every of their call, he refused family therapy telling the doctors he’d rather focus on himself than on their crumbling marriage. 

-Is that why you started drinking, Dr Nelson asked him that day.

-No.

He kept his secret tightly to his heart throughout his three months of rehab, he let them believe that he was just a lost boy who didn’t know what to do with his life and let his boredom and family’s issues lead him to the wrong path, he pretended to make progress the whole time, pretended that he did want to get better, pretended he had a goal that he wanted to be as strong and good as his father but that he feared to be stuck in his shadow. They’d believe him and after three month they deemed him cured enough to go back home, to go back to his normal life except that the world had changed when he was stuck in his antiseptics prison.

Everything went from bad to worse after rehab, for starter his dad was the only one there at his release, he learned during their trip home that things between his parents had been rocky for awhile and that she left the house without a word, she just left her ring and the divorce paper on the kitchen counter, Owen hadn’t heard from her since then, he also learnt that two of his father’s men had died during one of their call two day after he got admitted.

-I’m sorry, he muttered after several minutes.

-It’s not your fault kiddo, shit happen, Owen smiled still he could see the tiredness and pain in his father’s eyes, he never felt more guilty in his life than that day.

He’d tried then really tried to put himself together, tried to be clean, tried to have a good life, tried to be a good son, tried to be more open and went as far as finally sharing his truth with his dad never expecting him to be so supportive and happy for him and for once he really believed that it was it, it was over there was nothing to be afraid of anymore, the burden was off, he could be happy, he could be hopefull, he could start planning his life, he had his dad support, he had Alex, had a job he loved more than anything, a job he was surprisingly good at, nothing could go wrong, right ?

The fourth and last time happened when he least expected it, the fourth time happened when he thought he was finnaly reaching happiness, the fourth time happened cause he blindly and dumbly entrusted his heart to someone who was just looking for a distraction, the fourth time happened slightly slower than the first three, maybe because this time he knew how to make it last…

He saw death this time, he saw it hovering around him like a vulture around its prey, he could feel his strength weakening, could feel his soul leaving his body, there was no light at the end of the tunnel though, only darkness and Alex’s rejection tauting him…

And then there was light again, his lungs opened up again, his heart started beating faster, his throat burned and a pair of arms were holding him tightly, he didn’t need to look to know who they belonged to, didn’t need to move to know that this time his father catched him before the fall…

TK hated hospitals for a lot of reason, he hated them because of the amount of time he spent in them, because of it stench of death, because of the broken souls that roamed it halls, because of it greyinsh walls and old posters, TK hated hospitals because of how most of his past was attached to them, now he hated them cause he was on the other side, he was the one passing back and forth praying, hoping, begging for his only friend to make it.

He hated how it took him almost ten years and an impromptu friendship to get what it feel to be on the other side, hated how it took Buck for him to know how self-destructing yourself affected everyone around you, how it was like a timebomb decimating everything in its wake.

He never expected their first meeting to happen this way, never expected to set foot in a hospital again in such circonstances, never wanted, never imagined that one day he’ll be on the other side of the bed, never imagined he would be the one holding someone’s hand and beg them to open their eyes.

The first thing hitting him when he set foot in the blond room was how ridiculously small he looked and how the machines and the tubes were drowning him in his hospital bed, the second thing he noted was the small brunette half asleep on his side, she was fighting tiredness really hard and the dark circle under her eyes were the proof of the all-nighter she must have pulled just to be the first face he would see upon waking.

-You must be TK, she yawned when she noticed him standing awkawrdly at the door, thank you for saving my brother, she teared embracing him tightly, thank you.

-He saved me first, he breathed holding her back.

-Yeah he tend to do that a lot, she shrugged guidding him to the seat next to hers.

The sat quietly next to each others for what felt like hours, neither of them really knowing how to start a conversation, a heavy silence fell inside the room, cut from time to time by the beeping of the machines.

-They said that we were lucky to find him this quick, Maddy stated caressing her brother’s hand, said that one more minute and he would have been brain dead, she croaked gulping back another flood of tears, said that on top of the alcohol and drugs he was severely sleep deprived and malnourished, she turned to TK, I’m supposed to be his big sister and I didn’t even saw the signs, it was my turn to save him and I didn’t, she bawled.

-You can’t save someone who already gave up, he responded holding her.

-How come you knew, she cried tears suffocating her, how come you saw and I didn’t

-Because addicts can’t lie to eachother, he explained, he’s sick, he confirmed 

-No…no, I…no, she stuttered, he just…

She couldn't believe it, couldn't conceive that her brother could one day fall so low, he saw in her eyes how much it troubled her, how much she wanted to deny it and blame it on a bad patch but the reality was there her brother had been in so much pain, had felt so lonely and unheard that he’d choose the easy way out.

-Why, she breathed, why couldn’t he tell me

-Why didn’t you told him, he asked back, smiling sadly when he saw the realisation in her eyes.

-We promised no more secret after that.

-You have to understand that we forget everything and everyone when we’re deep in it, he explained, we become good liar, and you really had to look for it to know what’s wrong.

-Do you, she asked, know what’s wrong, she precised.

-Ask your boyfriend he got more answers than you could imagine, he revealed rising from his seat, I’m gonna get something from the coffee machine do you need something, he asked trying to change the subject.

-Water.

-Ok, he smiled making his way out.

He waited until he was far away enough from Buck’s room to break down, he didn’t remember the last time he cried as much nor did he knew why he suddenly cried nevertheless the tears were now freely running down his eyes and he didn’t or couldn’t make them stop, he cried for Buck, cried for himself, cried for their lack of luck and unhappiness, he cried until he had no tears to shed. 

And when he finally dried the last of his tears, after crying what felt like years of pain and repressed feelings, TK swore to himself and to his friend that he would do everything it take to free him, even if it meant destroying the 118.

#911 fanfic #911 fox #season 3 buddie #buddie fic #you've got a mail #buddie #buck x eddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #tarlos #carlos reyes #tk strand #crossover fic #911 lone star #angst

[sophieinwonderland]

Do I need to explain why I block someone?

I made the mistake of looking at the syscourse tag on another account and... okay... I guess this is a conversation you want to have out in public.

This is one part explanation, one part vent. Read below this line at your own risk.

Let me first assure you that blocking you had nothing to do with "avoiding accountability". I didn't want to address this. I've tried really hard to avoid it for such a long time. But it seems I've been put in a position where I have to defend my decision to block you to anyone reading.

Apparently I need to talk about the fact that many of our past interactions often led to arguments with you sending profanities my way. I need to bring up the first semi-callout post you made about me which you took down after another user too issue with it. I barely even remember the topic that was about.

I need to talk about how in one of our arguments which you escalated into screaming at me, you revealed that you had already blocked me on that old account, but because Tumblr is Tumblr, it didn't stop me from interacting with you. I blocked you immediately after out of respect when I realized you didn't want to interact.

(Ironically, people were calling me a block evader at the time because of that when I didn't know I had been blocked, and I ceased interaction immediately after I found out.)

I need to bring up when JAS came onto one of my posts THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH DID OR OSDD to attack my sources and try to invalidate my existence, you made a callout post about me because I stood by the sources I used. You told others to block me, and accused me of using "abusive sources." This was, again, after I already had you blocked.

You started interacting again on your new accounts once you moved past the old one. This was mostly fine but some of these interactions did often become aggressive, though perhaps not as bad as before.

Then this came to a head with me crosstagging my responses to anti-endo posts that themselves were crosstagged into endogenic and pro-endogenic tags. You argued that I was in the wrong for posting my responses in those tags. And I still maintain that doing this helped enforce our community's boundaries, providing a deterrent that has made anti-endos less keen on invading our spaces with hate posts.

You don't seem to take any issue with JAS posting in pro-endo tags though. But then, maybe you aren't interested in applying the same standard to a hate group that you are to their victims.

You also argued with me calling anti-endos, a group of people who defines themselves by their opposition to a marginalized community, as a hate group.

You blocked me once again for a second time because of both the way I defended my community and for labeling this hate group as a hate group.

I also know you went on to make posts detailing all the things you despised about me at the time. Of course, when I responded to asks that mentioned you, you sent me an ask requesting that we not mention each other again.

Does this sound familiar to you?

I would also like to humbly ask that we do not mention each other on our blogs any further. There are millions of more words I could say about you and your takes in syscourse, as I am sure there are millions you could say about me. We’re talking in circles around each other (the irony of which is not lost on me) and I’m tired of hearing my name in your mouth

And I'm following that request even if you aren't. I haven't mentioned your name since and you won't see me mention your name ever again, even in this post.

I saved a draft response to that ask but I was frustrated when I wrote it and ultimately decided against making that post, since it would have aired a lot of negative feelings built up over a long time which I didn't really want to air in public.

But right now I feel like I've been put in a position where I need to in order to clear the air and explain clearly to everyone why I blocked you.

Are you satisfied?

Do I need to go further?

Do I need to explain how seeing your name in my notifications again filled me with dread?

I hope you can understand now that my reasons for blocking you were not about "avoiding accountability" or because you "raised criticism." I can promise that my reasons were 100% personal.

I hope you can find this explanation satisfactory.

Now, it's time for me to get back to ignoring your existence as you requested. Have a great rest of your life.

#syscourse #vent

[actualfemslash]

‘Cause I’m a victim of this twisted fantasy and I’m addicted to the darker side of me (15352 words) by LifeOfMystery Author Tumblr: @lifeofmysteries Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Toga Himiko/Uraraka Ochako Characters: Toga Himiko, Uraraka Ochako, Toyomitsu Taishirou | Fat Gum, Kan Sekijirou | Vlad King Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Character Swap, Hero Toga Himiko, Villain Uraraka Ochako, Angst, Romance, Undercover Missions, Fluff, Uraraka Ochako-centric, Toga Himiko-centric, Identity Issues, Blood, Sweet Toga Himiko, BAMF Uraraka Ochako, Secret Identity, POV Toga Himiko, Happy Ending, Sad Uraraka Ochako Summary:

A mission sends Toga Himiko, a second year hero student, barrelling into the path of Uraraka Ochako, a mysterious villain who hides her true emotions behind a smile. Himiko falls fast, but in a society where heroes and villains exist in two opposing worlds, is there any chance for her love to flourish?

#toga himiko x uraraka ochako #togachako #himiko toga #ochako uraraka #bnha #rated T #wc: 10000-25000 #multichapter #a: lifeofmystery #angst #action #role swap au #AU #mod has read #published 2022

[thecodekeeper]

“I call on Captain Teague, Keeper of the Code.”

Indie RP blog for Captain Edward Teague. Written by Ace. 21+.

Permanent semi-hiatus. Private + highly selective.

Affiliated with @trickstercaptain and @hangtherules and @verumlibertas

Exploring themes of: generational trauma  //  the imperfect victim  //  substance abuse  //  family values  //  destructive loyalty  //  internalized sexism  //  what it means to be a “good man”  //  norms across different societies  //  ride or die siblings  //  surviving vs living  //  acting for the needs of the many vs the whims of a few  //  blood is thicker than water  //  becoming the establishment you rebelled against  //  never too old to grow  //  (undeserved) second chances  //  unwanted power  //  violence for the sake of peace  //  doing the right thing when no one else will  //  the abused becomes the abuser  //  soulmates

CARRD.   MEMES.   HEADCANONS. MULTI-MUSE.

THE CODE IS THE LAW

I.  This blog contains triggering content. Prevalent NSFW themes will include gore, mentions of child abuse, adult-oriented language, and so forth. Triggers will be tagged upon request with a simple tw ___.

II.    While I love well-developed OC's and appreciate how much effort some people put into their OC's development, I won't be interacting with the following: 'siblings of jack sparrow', 'adopted by Teague and served aboard his ship', and 'children of jack sparrow'. The only exceptions to this rule are the sparrabeth grandchildren in my family au with trickstercaptain, hangtherules, and verumlibertas.

III.  ​ I keep a drama-free dash. If you reblog call-outs or other OOC nonsense I will unfollow you.

IV.   This blog primarily has fixed universes. What this means is that if Teague has an interaction with muse a this can carry over to a thread with muse b. I don’t like making a million different timelines because I feel it diminishes my ability to develop verses. In this same vein, I don’t like collecting muses. If I follow you (provided you’re active) I likely won’t follow another version of your muse. I don’t expect reciprocation. 

V.    I don't suspect this will be an issue on this blog....but shipping on this blog is very selective. The main ship on his blog is with Jack’s mother, Maria, any other ships happen before he meets her or after her death. Good IC and OOC chemistry is needed for any shipping. 

VI. In light of softblocking becoming a more popular trend I ask that if you’re going to softblock then please go ahead and hardblock. Tumblr is too glitchy for me not to assume that your unfollow may have been an accident.

#⌈ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴅᴀᴅ ɪɴsɪᴅᴇ⌋ ― (mun.)

[rheasonly1]

This is a serious topic and it may be sensitive so some people. (TW: Mentions of rape):

Okay so recently when I’ve been scrolling through tumblr I have found some fics and short stories about fictional characters (it’s more so Daryl because I only follow tags about him) and the content, themes and plots of these are really disturbing and concerning. I’m gonna show a pic below:

So first of all the fact that it was requested by someone?!? Like who in the right mind would request such horrific and vile content? Rape is a very serious crime that is committed all over the world like everyday and it has destroyed victims lives and their families. Rape is NOT something to be glorified or fantasised about, it isn’t appealing or attractive in any way shape or form. And it isn’t even acceptable to say “It’s just some horny people who write it” Because there is no excuse? Why would you want to read about something so disgusting and wrong as that? Second of all putting it onto beloved characters who’s personalities are nothing like what you have wrote ruins it for fans!! It can stop people enjoying their favourite TV show or their comfort characters. This isn’t the main issue but it’s part of it.

Now the main point of this whole rant:

Why the hell do people actually accept these requests and write them?!? Do these people not think even just a little bit that it’s wrong? Just a ‘warning’ about it isn’t even a warning but there should be no warning in the first place because you shouldn’t even be writing about it!!! It’s not something to glamorise or make appealing. It is point blank horrible and no one in the right mind would want to read about this. When writing sexual or smutty fanfics there is a line you shouldn’t cross and this is way over the line.

Please share this around to spread awareness because this is just absurd and disturbing.

This is short I know and I could write much more but I just wanna get my point across and Usually people don’t care to read large essays on serious topics such as this.

Thankyou.