#their name was needles i believe?? or at least thats what they went by?? so FUCK YOU NEEDLES

[dangergays]

sometimes i like to go scrolling through the dangergays tag to see my interactions with my friends and stuff and then eventually i scroll back far enough to see and remember the person who had this url before me was a radfem and a terf. so wherever that bitch is right now i wish them a very die :)

#their name was needles i believe?? or at least thats what they went by?? so FUCK YOU NEEDLES #shut up lucas #dangergays

[bunnygirlheart]

chrono trigger ...liveblog? i guess kinda? it was when i was doin the first part in alice’s message box at least cx

Major spoilers under here, play the game before you read this (and . please Do play it if you can, this game is great i do recommend it)

So I just kicked dalton’s ass, and he ran away, and then i saved at the thingy and it says ‘lavos beckons’ and i am Concerned.

ah, hm. mm. queenie’s makin a mistake, methinks.

This place is weird. Neat statues though?

Also Ayla can just pick dudes up and chuck em into the air to deal massive damage when they land?? hot girl shit

hm. this looks fine. nothing going wrong here folks

lmao the scouters keep trying to make my team sleep and it keeps missing but finally they targeted robo and somehow it worked. sleeby robot

dalton stop being extra and just look me in the face when you talk to me pls,, Ah. Well, you did turn around at least, but only to be More dramatic. Also, hiding behind your toys, cmon man,

lmao cheese strats. I equipped the mail and vest for lightning and im only using lightning moves. Copycat is very exploitable,, Poor frog though, got toasted :((

...well. Hello to you too, Lavos. And guest. Ah, magus, of course of course.

oh nooo it didnt work :((

h. holy shit. Crono just got dusted. alright.

oh man, the whole place is falling outta the sky..

...I gotta load a save so I can see everyone’s response to all this. Especially Lucca,, Holy wow.

ah,,

‘’please don’t hate mother, or our kingdom’‘ wow big ask much? Mm.. I can excuse invoking calamity but I draw the line at mistreating your children

oh ouch. luccaaaaa 💔

what an ass haha. oh hell yes lucca just deflected his fireball that was sick!!! ... ah. well it was still sick.

Ooh~ the blackbird. Fools didn’t secure the vents hehehe

This was a neat area. Uh. Golem Boss was kinda sad. Poor dude couldnt even focus up here on the wing. I sorta feel bad

Hm,, Aero-dalton.. this guy is Terrible at naming things huh?

Oh damn they literally just jumped onto. alright. cool cool cool. no fear of heights in this party. Welp, Dalton was once again not a challenge. Rip birdie lmao good job everyone, nice buttons

oh!! this is the . heck nah i wont fight you lets goooo

oh i like that its frog that gets to make this call though lucca was at the front of my party but it put him in front for this scene, ‘cause he has personal reasons to fight magus?

aaaa precious, reunited,,

...

yknow, this thing looming over everything in every time period is mighty unsettling

lmao i see i see thats why this part’s called The Time Egg. time egg time egg time egg

oooh death peak!! was wondering when that would come up again. Makes sense it’d be now,,,,

heck. Magus wrecks everything huh? I mean, appropriate. The dude certainly kicked My ass back when I fought him haha

... gdi. robo got confused or w/e and attacked the wrong thing randomly, which triggered lavos spawn needle and wiped everyone out. thats kinda unfair. Ah well. A minor setback I guess.

egg time

okay that was a sick rescue actually. cant believe that creepy clone doll from the fair actually came in handy lmao

this is a nice shot ^

...sorry im just laughing at magus standing there all awkwardly at this heartwarming reunion

Anywayyyy now that that’s done I went to check out the . desert cave?? and wow is it irritating. Not that the enemies are that tough -- magus’ ice destroys em well enough, but uh. the ground, really hate that.

Took a few tries ouch, but I managed to down retinite. Cool boss. first couple attempts i didnt realize taking out the core first was a Mistake oopsie

yessss robo tending to the forest!! thats so sweet. This is great!

lovely celebratory camp. Cozy. fascinating discussion. ah, hm. a time lucca would go back to, huh? ...

wow she changed huh? ... what’s with the sound effects,, loud gate.

holy Shit that was stressful i totally didnt reload a few times to manage it

worth the trouble 💜 good job lucca youre amazing! aww robo’s gift for her, that’s so sweet as well

im ... almost done i think?? like, isnt this just a ‘‘wrap up sidequests prepare and go fight the big bad’‘ moment? Seems like. guess i know what im doin tomorrow. referring back to that list of sidequests time grandpa gave me and then ... big fire. I really should get some rest now, though. So the rest of that will wait.

#bee plays chrono trigger #only gonna be one or two more posts but i wanna be able to find these maybe #wowie i really did stay up too late #whoops >.< oh well i was having fun

[i-may-be-stupit]

Idk the horney got me, so here we are HAHAHAHA 18+ and kinda a bit of crack at times, ENJOY!!!!! Oh! And this is reletively gender neutral, babes!!

Your name is (Y/N) (L/N). And you've always been known as a good kid. That is until your father was murdered by a hero. He did a lot of dirty work, sure, but he did it for his family to survive. And when a hero took him down, everyone cheered. They never though about his family. Nor his place in the world. They saw him as dirt. The same way you started seeing heros.

To you, heros didn't care about the villians and didn't care whether they died or lived. They were savage beasts who needed to be taken down. You became a villian. You would assassinate hero after hero with the simple tittle of "Marrow." And that's when you met the League.

They had the same ideals as you and could help make your dream a reality.

You joined the League, but you were still you. You were a seemingly innocent flower that blossomed in any form of villainous mayhem.

Your quirk was known as simply bone manipulation. You could manipulate your bones however you pleased and you could even shoot them out like needles. But, you were at higher risk for osteoporosis.

Its been 6 months since then and you've made yourself at home with the LOV. Twice and Toga were your closest friends now, but Shigaraki just hits different.

You'd go out and have fun with your two close friends, and to be honest, you're pretty sure that you three had pulled every prank possible on Dabi. Kurogiri was like a dad to you now. He gave lots of great advice and made sure that you kept up with your online college classes in between villian duties.

But shigaraki was a whole other story.

I mean, he was usually crule and hateful towards everyone, but the League was his soft spot. He treats members like family. He cherishes them. Even if he doesn't say it. He almost always have been putting them first.

And it made you kind of...attracted to him.

Yeah, he was dryer than the Saharan Desert, and had a diet of strictly microwavable ramen and redbull, but he was actually a good guy. You caught yourself staring at him a few times per day and your crush on him was appearant to you as well as all the other members.

So here you were, staring in awe at Tomura as he and Dabi played against eachother in Mortal Kombat. (They'd fight at least once a day, so Kurogiri made up the idea of fighting in Mortal combat instead whenever they got fed up with eachother) You blushed, seeing Shigaraki so serious. Ugh, there's just something about him...

Toga walked into the room and sat down in the loveseat next to you. She smirked before loudly announcing, "Gee, (Y/N)! It looks like your boyfriend, Tomura, is winning!" You started choking her.

No, deadass.

You fucking wrapped your hands around her neck and violently shook her head back and forth like Bart and Homer Simpson. Toga just laughed and moaned, causing you to feel too violated to keep choking her. You let go and as you did, Shigaraki stood up and started making fun of Dabi for being a "Bitch ass loser."

You blushed deeply, eyes lidded while gazing at the crusty boy. All you could see was Shigaraki, hearts around him as he did his breathtaking victory dance in slow motion. His gorgeous, dehydrated body swayed and jiggled happily as he jumped a few times, white specs gently fluttered from his head. His dandruff glistening in the florescent lights, as you sighed, absolutely smitten. Dabi rolled his eyes at his boss before looking at you. He then smirked. This cant be good.

Dabi chuckled. "Oh okay, Shiggy, you beat me fair and square." Shigaraki looked at him suspiciously. "It's okay though." He smirked, "Because I'm sure that (Y/N) can give me a little pick-me-up!"

The white haired boy glarred at Dabi then at you. Dabi slyly slipped over to you and Toga. He grabbed you be your wrist and pulled you up to stand. You were too flustered out of your mind to even do anything. He wrapped both of his hands around your waist. "Isn't that right, baby?"

You laughed awkwardly, "Dabi, not to be rude or anything, but you seem like a heavy man and I don't know if I could manage carrying all of your body weight if I were to pick you up, I mean my bones are kinda brittle as they are and-"

He brought his face to yours and kissed your neck softly. "We're gonna have some fun tonight, right?" You fucking hit him with a suplex, a small crack being heard from your hip. God damn it, your fucking brittle ass bones! Everyone burst out in laughter (aside from Kurogiri who was facepalming). Dabi sat on the floor rubbing his head in pain. "Fuck, (Y/N)! It was a joke!"

You folded your arms and frowned. "Well don't joke around with me like that!" Heat rose to your cheeks, "Especially in front of T-Tomura..." You looked at your boss to see him still too busy laughing at Dabi getting backflipped. You smiled shyly, holding your cheeks and wiggling like the love sick shit you are. He's so dreamy~ oh my, is he coughing up blood from laughing too hard?

You looked in disgust for a moment before sighing loudly. Ugh, it's so sexy when he coughs up blood! Shigaraki looked at his hand before licking the blood back into his mouth like a fucking heathen-

Sorry.

Your fucking heathen.

Later that night, everyone was out and about, leaving you and Shigaraki alone. He was drinking a glass of rum and coke as you doodled in a little notebook. You looked up to see him staring at you already. You both quickly looked away. It's been rough lately, dealing with your crush on him.

And Tomura was catching on.

Well, kinda.

He thinks he's really ugly and unworthy of love, so he thinks you just stare at him because you're still taken back at how hideous (he believes) he is. He's been wearing Father on his face more often and been getting more easily upset at you. But, he was also confused because he was starting to like your fragile self.

He's scared that he'll break you with one tap of the finger. That's just how fragile you seem. Shigaraki smiled softly, staring deeply into his glass.

(Y/N) seems so fragile, but they're a god damn hurricane.

Shigaraki swirled his cup around, deep in thought. How can they fight so well when they seem so brittle? It's strange. It's unexpected... It's interesting. Your boss' cheeks turned a tint of pink. (Y/N) can pull off a suplex on Dabi. Their back bent so far... I wonder what (Y/N) looks like arching it for me... He looked over at your figure. You were awkwardly dangling your feet off the couch, seeming to be lost in thought. Tomura sighed and took another whisk of his drink. They're way too cute for me...

There's been a lot of awkward times with you two alone. And you could both feel the tension. Shigaraki left to his room with a small sigh. He hates basically everything. But you? He might just love you.

You two hung out a lot actually. You'd play videogames together and have small movie nights for the two of you. You vividly remembered cuddling up beside him one winter night. It was snowing and you two chatted while sitting on the floor making Smores in the fireplace.

But it got harder and harder to be around eachother when you both started liking eachother. It got...awkward. And the night that Tomura asked you if you wanted to watch a horror movie with you and got a concerned face from you was the night his heart broke. You just didn't want to accidentally grab him at a jumpscare and have him laugh at you for being a pussy. But he thought that you just didnt trust him.

You sighed, thinking about that shitty night, and walked to Shigaraki's room. You had to tell him about your feelings. You knocked softly and was allowed to enter. Shigaraki was sitting in bed, wide awake, just sitting there, staring at the wall in front of him in thought.

You sat awkwardly on his bed in a tense silence for a good minute as the man just stared awkwardly at you through the hand on his face. Shigaraki sighed when he noticed you werent going to say anything, and he set Father down on his nightstand.

"(Y/N), I feel uncomfortable with you staring at me all the time." Heat rushed to your cheeks and you stared harder at the  ground. "I get that I'm ugly, but you should know how rude it is to stare-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" You glarred at him, anger boiling up. "The fuck did you just call yourself?!"

He glarred right back at you. "I said I was ugly, did I stutter?"

Yeah. Youre choosing to ignore that attitude. "Tomura, you're not ugly."

He rolled his eyes. "There is literally no other reason for you to be staring at me that much, mutt."

You folded your arms with a frown. "I think you're handsome."

He laughed.

He laughed hard as hell.

For a good 3 minutes straight.

"Oh thats a good one, (Y/N)! You know, I'm actually enjoying you-"

"I'm serious!" You poked his chest hard while getting closer to his face, your eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "I think you have pretty eyes!" You poked him again, "You have a pretty face!" You poked him one last time, "And you're an amazing leader!" Shigaraki went silent with a blush and so did you. You twittled your fingers together, looking away timidly. "I-uh... I think I l-like you, actually."

Tomura chuckled breathlessly with concern for your mental health, eyes darting around uncomfortably. "Are you being...serious...?"

"Mm-hm..."

"Oh....okay." He awkwardly looked away from you with a small blush. Hes never had anyone like him romantically. Actually, not a lot of people even like him generally. And it made it extra weird with you being so damn cute and funny to him. 

You layed down on his bed, anxiety rushing through you. It was weird to tell your boss that you liked him. I mean, its probably gonna be awkward between you two forever! Tomura layed down next to you. His hands overlapping eachother on his chest. You looked over to him with a small awkward smile. "So-uh... do you like me back...?"

Tomura frowned. "Are you fucking dumb??" You winced and he just rolled his eyes. "It would be impossible to not fall in love with you." A small chuckle left your lips as he softly started playing in your (h/t) hair.

You frowned. "Did I say you could touch my hair?"

He rolled his eyes before lifting you up to straddle him. Heat rushed to your cheeks. And you pushed his chest away as your (e/c) eyes darted away. "T-Tomura, what are y-you doing?" You were speechless and flustered. And it wasn't helping that his hands were laying on your waist (pinkies up of course).

Tomura chuckled with a mischevious look in his eyes. He slowly moved his hands up and down your sides. "Let me play with your hair...and as a reward..." He kissed you softly on your lips. "I'll make you feel things you've never felt before...." He licked your ear and you thanked the Lord for that because it just made his mouth a lil less crusty. "Deal?" His breath tickled your ears and your breathing turned into aroused, airy breaths.

"Deal..." Shigaraki smirked before kissing you roughly, his hand engulfed in your (h/t) hair, leaving his middle finger up of course. As his tongue darted around your mouth, he pulled your hair harder, causing a wince of pain from you. His lips left yours quickly.

"Am I being too rough?"

You smiled softly at him. He cares! "Oh, just a little."

Shigaraki grinned before pulling your hair even harder. "You'll get used to that." Your eyes widened in fear and pain as he threw you onto the bed roughly. He kissed you harder, and forced your thighs open with both of his hands, pinkies up.

He laughed with arousal, pressing his clothed member against you. You sighed as he grinded against your bottoms while tongue kissing you. His hands left your thighs and brought themselves to your body. He sucked, kissed, and bit all over your neck and his indexes and thumbs twirled and pulled at your nipples under your shirt.

"Ah-!" You moaned loudly as the man sucked at your soft spot. "T-Tomura!" A small gasp left your lips and his connected to your skin. Mumbled moans came from you, your hand over your mouth. Tomura glarred the second he heard a moan muffled. "H-Hey!" He had grabbed your hand from over your mouth and tightly gripped it with four fingers, pressing it against the headboard.

He grinned widely out of nowhere, "You really thought you could get away with hiding those beautiful sounds from me?" He sat up, unbuckling his jeans. His eyes went cold as he took off his pants and boxer briefs. "I'm gonna have to get some type of...hm, whats the word?" He looked away in though before smiling and snapping his fingers, "Compensation! Yeah...and I know just what I want from you." Shigaraki push you off of the bed roughly. You fell to the floor and rubbed your arm. He sat on the king-sized in front of you with his cock in his hand. "Suck."

You frowned at him. Did he really have to push you off like that? You got on your knees between his thighs and took a good look at it.

Fuck, he's hung...

You covered your mouth with a huge blush. Where the hell did that come from?! He was a good nine inches and quite thick. You frowned at him and pointed at his cock. "The fuck am I supposed to do with this?" He frowned.

Shigaraki didnt say another word. He just grabbed you by the hair and placed it against your lips. You frowned before licking the tip softly, making him laugh breathlessly. "Fuck..." You sucked on his tip and his hand tightened around your hair, pulling a bit. He looked down at you, smirking while absolutely flustered. "Ugh, your little mouth was made for my fat cock, wasn't it, (Y/N)?" He chuckled and pressed your head forward, forcing a bit more of him inside of you. Shigaraki panted as you bobbed your head back and forth on him. "Youre such a fucking slut..." His cheeks was tinted pink as he stared down at you. Tomura started bobbing your head back and forth on him. He laughed as you gagged on him. "What? Is it too big?" Your face went even hotter. How can he be so fucking conceited yet self conscious?! The white hair boy held your face and was practically thrusting into your mouth at this point. He threw his head back and groaned as cum filled your mouth. "Fuck, (Y/N), you're good at that." He watched you like prey as you thumbed the white substance dripping down your chin. You licked your thumb and he chuckled. "How does it taste?"

You smirked at him minscheviously while getting back on the bed. You took off your bottoms and short then spread your legs. "It tastes good enough to deserve a tip, right?" Shigaraki licked his lips as he crawled in between your thighs.

He rubbed you, playing with your slit. "Did sucking me off really get you this turned on?" You flushed and covered your eyes with your forearm. Tomura smirked mischievously as he licked at you. You moaned quietly, his tongue swirling around and his finger going in and out of your hole.

He stuck his ringerfinger in and you squeaked in pleasure. "Mmm... Tomura, I-just like that..." He sucked and licked, getting more sloppy as his fingers pumped in and out of you. He pumoed faster and faster and your small groans turned into loud moaning as you orgasmed. "Fuck Tomura! Ah-!" You came in his mouth, immediately apologizing. Shigaraki just licked his now soaked fingers and you just stared at him, blushing hard as hell. You smiled softly. "H-How do I taste?"

His red eyes prowled your body as he got on top of you. Your cheeks got hotter when he strattled you. You sighed as he rubbed his manhood against you. Small, flustered moans escaped your lips at his teasing. "You taste like you were missing something." His warm breath tickled your ear, "But I'll fix that right up for you."

Tomura slowly entered you. He groaned out your name in ecstasy. You were a bit uncomfortable at first at his thickness. "W-wait, dont move yet..." You breathed in and out slowly, feeling yourself adjust to him. A groan left your lips, "O-okay..."

Tomura grinded against you, kissing your neck as your hands fiddled with his hair. He started off slow, savoring the feeling of you. He sighed into your collarbone. "God, (Y/N), you're so tight..." He cursed underneath his breath, fucking you a bit faster.

Tears pricked at your eyes. This was almost too much for you. Youve always fantasized about being with Shigaraki and now that it was happening, it felt almost too good to be true. He grinded into you deeper, filling you up fully as his hand held both of tour wrists above your head. The bed rocked as he started thrusting into you faster and deeper. "T-Tomura, you feel so good inside of me!" He groaned louder and you couldn't help but become flustered at all of his noises.

He fucked you even faster and harder. "Fuck, youre mine now, okay?" You nodded and moaned louder at him. "Oh fuck!" His white hair bounced as he pulled out and flipped you over. You were on your forearms and knees, begging for him to keep fucking you good as he thrusted in and out, his hand pulling at your hair as the other gave the occasional spank on your ass. Tomura's thrusts became sloppy as you reached your peak. You both moaned loudly, his cum pouring from inside of you. Shigaraki pulled out and immediately collapsed next to you.

You panted as his arms wrapped themselves around you. You smiled at him. "That was good, right?" He chuckled and kissed your lips.

"The best."

You two spooned as Kurogiri had an extra glass of wine, in utter disgust at when he was forced to hear.

#fanfic #mha x y/n #bnha shigaraki #shigaraki x you #tomura x you #x reader #bnha smut #shigaraki x reader #x fem!reader #x male reader #gender neutral reader

[easily-infatuated23]

Undercover- Part Three (Healer!Draco Malfoy x Reader)

Prologue, Part One, Part Two , Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

a/n: ok i kinda love where this is going and i’ve decided that the Reader is a spy lol comment if you would like to be added on the tag list for this series! also sorry if this is a cliff hanger 

pairing: Healer! Draco x Spy! (?) Reader

word count: 2.1k

warning: mentions of trauma and death

summary: During her stay at Malfoy Manor, Reader finds some evidence that will help figure out who had been ordering the killings of muggle-born witches and wizards but will Draco trust her?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This assignment had really taken a strange turn. Not only had I been imbedded with Death Eaters, but I had been stabbed and was now hiding in Malfoy Manor. Draco was much kinder and happier than the last time I saw him. Of course, I had heard the stories of this newer and better Draco, but witnessing it first hand was something else. No matter how many times I told him I had to leave to keep him safe, he would just assure me that the protective charms he placed around the house would keep us safe. I remained on edge. After all, safety is a matter of perspective. I had a feeling part of the reason he was against me leaving was not just for my safety, but I suspected he was glad to have the company. It truly was a large house. A large and empty house for just one person. With his father in Azkaban and his mother taking a much needed vacation abroad, he was the most alone he had probably ever been…physically that is. After my slip up in revealing the name of the organization after me, I tried to speak about the subject as little as I could. All I wanted was to be relieved of the burden I was carrying but, I knew if I did, Draco Malfoy would surely be killed. So, I continued to bear the burden of knowledge as Draco began healing me again.

Draco had lead me to his kitchen and motioned for me to hop up on to the counter. He had attempted to assist me but I was stubborn and struggled through the process myself. He opened his medical bag and pulled out a needle and suture thread. He rolled up his sleeves as he went to wipe some disinfectant on my side before turning to thread the needle “How did you figure out who I was?” I asked my Healer on the second day of my stay. “Well, the appearance change was pretty hard to see through but once those Death Eaters said your name at St. Mungo’s I remembered you”. “Remembered me?” I questioned. “I don’t think we spoke once while at Hogwarts and I have been off the grid pretty much since I finished there. Ouch! That hurts.” I said, wincing as he tended to my side. “Stop fussing, it’s only a few stitches. And if you hadn’t apparated I wouldn’t have to give you stitches you know” he replied, slightly laughing at my inability to stand the pain, especially after I had refused to let him use a pain relieving potion on me. I was worried I’d say something I would regret later. Whether I was worried about spilling something about my assignment or something else was still up for debate.

“You are avoiding my question” I said matter-a-factly. He sighed. “You knew me back then, I always noticed the pretty girls” he said with a slight blush. “That’s just a cop out answer, I don’t believe you” I replied, not making eye contact so that he couldn’t see the slight smile on my face. He shrugged his shoulders and stood up. “Believe what you’d like”.

He walked over to the sink and washed his hands. I jumped off the counter. “Fucking hell” I muttered. He laughed again. “You should take it easy for at least two weeks” he said. I groaned but then, remembered something. My heart sank a little as I remembered where I was and the history of this house. “Hey look I am gonna ask you a question that’s gonna make you really uncomfortable so I apologize in advance. And, please know I am only asking because I feel like I have to.” He turned to face me, a worried look washed over his face. “Do you have a record of all You-Know-Who’s followers? There were rumors about a book. I know he used this place as a headquarters during the second war and I am desperate for any lead on…..well a lead” I said, holding in my reasons. He grimaced slightly. “Unfortunately for me, yes but I guess that’s fortunate for you” he replied harshly. I felt guilty for bringing up the awful things in his past like this but I truly felt I had no choice. And besides, if this caused him to feel some apprehension towards me that might be beneficial in stopping his relentless questions.

He walked past me and began down a long hallway. I followed close behind him. He took a sharp left turn and continued down a spiral staircase that seemed as if it went on for ages. As he lead me down, neither of us spoke a word. When we finally reached the bottom, it felt like an entirely different place. This couldn’t possibly be the basement of the surprisingly homey manor I had just been inside. Could it? As we exited the staircase, we stood facing a large green door. The green paint on the door was faded, as if the door was centuries old but there was a large golden key hole shining on the front, underneath an equally shining golden door knob. The two looked as if they’d been installed recently.

“Mother and I tried to destroy it but nothing we did worked. There is some serious dark magic in this book. We locked it down here to make sure it wouldn’t fall into the wrong hands.” He turned towards me, his face only inches from mine. If he hadn’t done this in such a menacing way, I might have swooned a little but now was not the right time for that. “I hope I am not putting it in the wrong hands now” he said. I shook my head. It had just occurred to me, there was a possibility that he didn’t believe my story. I knew it was true and the thugs after me were good evidence in my favor, but it all could have been a plant. Thats why he was asking so many questions. Maybe I would have to tell him after all. He turned back around to face the door. He reached into his shirt and pulled out a small golden key on a string. Had he been wearing the necklace the whole time? I wondered why I hadn’t noticed. He took off the necklace and put the key into the hole. He took a deep breath and unlocked the door.

Once the door opened he stepped aside, allowing me to look inside the small room that had been revealed. The inside was dark and gave off a feeling of uncertainty and slight panic. There were only two things residing in the small room; a podium and a large black leather bound book. I started to walk in when Draco put his arm across the entrance and stopped me. “Prepare yourself. Once you go in and open it, you will never feel the same again. The book can have an effect almost like a Dementor” he said. “What exactly is the book?” I asked. “The Binding of the Death Eaters” he said with a shiver. “Before someone could receive the Dark Mark and be fully inducted as a Death Eater, they would have to sign their name. It binds your fate to the Dark Lord” he said. The way he stared at the book could only be described as a raging and powerful fury. I knew that Draco Malfoy had been a Death Eater but I had no idea that even after the Dark Lord had been killed, he still had so much power of Draco’s life. “I am really sorry” I began. “I know that sorry means nothing especially since I have forced you to come down here but I truly am. I’m also sorry that you never got to chose not to sign.” He looked at me. The fury was still spinning in his eyes but with every moment it lessened. He said nothing but simply nodded. I entered the room and, with a deep breath, opened the book. I titled my head to one side and turned to Draco. “It’s blank” I said. He looked almost relieved. “The names are only revealed to someone who has the Dark Mark” he said. “So you were testing me and my story” I said. He nodded. He then turned side ways and gestured with his left arm for me to exit the room. “This might freak you out so you might want to leave now” I said, pulling my wand from my jacket pocket. “Obscure Appareat Vestigium” I whispered, pointing my wand at my left forearm. The black skull appeared on my arm and a snake slithered out of its mouth. Draco stepped back with a horrified expression on his face. “It’s not a real Dark Mark and it’s not permanent” I said quickly. “The task force I’m apart of developed this charm for undercover work”. Draco looked me in the eyes, turned, and hurried up the staircase.

Now I’d done it. Just as he was going to fully trust me, I broke his trust. The look he gave me made me feel sick. Just another horrified face to add to the growing list that haunted my nightmares. I sighed deeply then turned my attention back to the book. I flipped through the pages. I saw plenty of names I recognized, all ex-Death Eaters who had wound up in Azkaban or served lighter sentences and some were names of people who were killed in the Battle of Hogwarts. I even saw Draco’s name. His signature was much shakier than most of the other names. He had been so young. The more I looked I realized something was missing. I started to realize an option that I had never considered. It made the sick feeling in my stomach lurch again but before I could fully register the awful feeling, I saw a name I recognized. This was a name I had never seen associated in this way with the Dark Lord. Suddenly, things started to make more sense. My heart was practically beating out of my chest.

I jumped out of the room and shut the door. Draco had left the key hanging on the door knob which I grasped and used to lock the door. That book had just become very important evidence in a trial no one knew was beginning. I spoke the Dark Mark removing incantation and raced back up the spiral stair case. When I got to the top I was out of breath. I turned right and made my way back into the kitchen. Draco was sitting at the kitchen table. He looked dazed and upset. “I can give you an explanation now” I said breathlessly, tossing him the key. He looked up at me suddenly, just barely catching the key. I had clearly startled him. “I know who is behind the Dark Saints and right now you may be the only chance there is that this will all stop.” He stood up. “What are you talking about? Stop what? You being chased?” He was clearly frustrated. “You have every right to be frustrated with me and I promise I will explain everything but first I need to get one more piece of information.” I said. “And what’s that?” he retorted, crossing his arms. “Do you know where I can get the last…let’s say year of Daily Prophet obituary sections?” He looked at me, clearly feeling very puzzled. “I mean…” he started, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “I guess they did start offering a digital option two years ago-” “Perfect!” I said, cutting him off. I raced back up the stairs to his bedroom where I remembered seeing a computer. “Wait! What are you doing?” he called after me.

When I entered his room I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. I sat down at the computer and began furiously scanning through the obituary pages. He entered the room moments after me and stood over my shoulder, curiously watching my frantic scribbles. Once I had finished I slumped back in the chair for a moment. I hadn’t noticed when I started crying but once I did, the tears flowed at a hotter temperature and more quickly down my cheeks than they ever had before. I finally turned to face him. “There’s at least twenty of them” I said, trying to hold my voice steady. “What does that mean?” Draco asked. He understood that I meant twenty people had died but he wanted to know how that was important in my explanation. I slowly stood only to suddenly become so dizzy my balance faltered. “Y/N? Are you ok you’ve gone very pale”. I started to nod but then shook my head then everything went black.

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taglist!:

@pointlesscoconut @bi-andready-tocry

#healer!draco #draco malfoy x reader #slytherin #draco malfoy fic #harry potter #harry potter au #ravenclaw #gryffindor #hufflepuff #malfoy manor #spy!reader #hogwarts #draco x y/n #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy series

[jacks-jester]

Mine.

[Jerome Valeska x Reader]

Words: 2,136

Warnings: Extreme aggression, someone gets the shit beat out of them, murder, toxic jealousy traits

Requested? Yes / No

Summary: After your childhood best friend and long time crush is broken out of Arkham alongside you, and a few other inmates, you have to adapt under Theos watchful eyes. What will happen when one of the female escapees becomes a little to close to Jerome for your comfort?

A/N~ Thank you for the request! Anon I’m definitely am willing to write smut for Jerome, I’ll just need a bit of time to sort it out since I haven’t dabbled in smut quite yet. I’ll definitely keep that other request in mind though!

Autumn leaves, the type that crunch underneath your feet in the most satisfying way, their fiery colors blinding your vision yet so beautiful you can’t look away. Thats what always came to mind when you thought of your best friend Jerome Valeska - the spunky, albeit a bit psychotic, ginger, carnie kid. You and Jerome had both grown up traveling with Haly’s Circus, the two of you becoming friends the moment you met each other. Your parents were acrobats, you and your mother specializing in Lyra aerial work. You and Jerome could always be found causing mischief around the carnival grounds: loosening a few safety net ropes, loosening the board for the knife throwers Wheel of Death, sharpening the sword swallowers knives a bit too sharp.

You were kids, and kids liked causing trouble, you and Jerome both craved attention. So often were your parents the center of attention, it was rare they’d pay you any mind at all aside from aerial practice. You hated your parents, maybe the hatred was undeserved but nobody could deny that they were neglectful to say the least. Jerome on the other hand, he had every right to be livid with his mother. She was a whore, a drunk, and abused Jerome to no end, even letting her brother get it on the action occasionally - Jerome's uncle preferring scalding soups and oils to the hitting Lila normally took up when harming Jerome. You and Jerome never separated form each other, always there for each other through thick and thin.

When news broke of Jerome's arrest, you went totally, and completely ape shit, blinded with rage at the fact Lila and several others could get away with abusing Jerome and yet Jerome, when he defended himself, was arrested and charged. It was in that moment you decided you were without a doubt going to burn this corrupt, and wretched city to the ground one day, no matter the cost. You later on got apprehended after word broke that you assisted Jerome in hiding the body and were planning on helping him dispose of it. You didn’t know he was going to do it, but when you found out what took place you were anything but mad, instantly assisting Jerome in the clean up. Apparently conspiring to hide a murder and sticking up for a “madman” gave you a one way ticket to Arkham Asylum in this city. 

You and Jerome hadn’t been locked up for long when the break out happened, blue gas being the last thing you remember from the asylum. You and seven other inmates were broken out that day, though only seven of you made it through Theos “orientation”, if you could even call it that. Jerome and you had adapted the quickest out of the group, the two of you bouncing off the walls at the newly found freedoms Theo had given to you. Overall you didn’t mind the other inmates, aside from one of them, she was the only other inmate you and Jerome's age. Her real name was Dixie Smith, about as bland as you can get, she gave herself the nickname of Trix however. 

Imagine the most arrogant and obnoxious person you could imagine, the obsessive and clingy type, like a leech that just continued to fester and  thrive off your energy until you were nothing but a sorry shell of the person you once were. That was Dixie, you called her Dixie purposefully to get on her nerves, Jerome even joining your petty little game of annoying the annoyer. Dixie was in Arkham for the murder of her tutor, apparently she’d gotten fed up with her math work and stabbed the teacher with her compass needle. She was a stuck up, rich, daddy's girl who was supposed to spend a two weeks in Arkham with the help of Daddy's money. She was just in these for a rebellious spurt, wanting to prove she wasn’t like every other millionaires daughter apparently. You couldn’t stand her.

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It was the day of the Maniax media debut, Jerome painting the teams name on the outfits of a few shipyard employees and tossing them off I roof. The images on the news were incredible, the police were all over the case but weren’t getting anywhere near the team. Only four of the members went out to finish the media stunt, Jerome being among those four. You and the to other girls stayed at Theos instead, Dixie whining continuously the entire time the group of boys were gone. She kept going on about how she missed ‘Her Jerome’, though she was sorely mistaken if she believed that to be true. 

It was a few hours before they returned, having to be careful to escape any stray police officers. Jerome as always was grinning like, well... like a maniac when he came back, instantly taking a seat at the head of the large dining table, his legs and arms sprawled in a relaxed posture. You were about to approach him with some clever quip when you were shoved out of the way by a hyperactive cockroach of a girl, Dixie immediately making her way over to Jerome and plopping herself down in his lap, her arms wrapping over his shoulders. 

You could feel you blood boiling as she sweet talking to him, though you were disappointed he wasn’t shoving her off or at least detesting her actions. However, what caused you to snap wasn’t Dixie, oh no, it was Jerome. Rather than continuing your inside joke of calling Dixie by her name, he said something that made you wish he’d just said he nickname. “Long time no see Trixie. Miss me much dollface?” You could feel your vision go green with jealousy as you entered autopilot, your body moving on its own accord. You stormed over to where they were sitting, your hand gripping Dixies obnoxious braid and roughly pulling her off Jerome and to the ground.

Jerome didn’t move, his lips only quirking into a smirk as he watched the scene unfold before him, amusement sparkling in his intense gaze. Dixie shouted in surprise, a yelp of pain emitting from her mouth as her hair was tugged on. “What the fuck was that for you fucking bitch?!” Dixie looked at you with rage in her eyes, outraged at the thought someone would dare lay a hand on her. You shrugged, glaring her down, “Is the princess hurt? Daddy isn’t gunna buy you out of this one ‘dollface’.” You spit the pet name out with venom and disgust, as if it were poison on your tongue. “Next time think a second before touching things that aren’t yours, that must be hard for you though.”

Dixies eyes made eye contact with y/n, embarrassment and frustration clear within them. “Bite me.” Y/n only chuckled in response, “Is that all you’ve got princess?” Dixie let out a scream of annoyance, flipping out a concealed blade and holding it out to y/n in a threatening matter. “Try me.” Y/n looked Dixie up and down for a moment before impishly grinning, “Alright.” Without a moments hesitation, y/n darted towards Dixie, carefully dodging each unplanned swing the cockroach made. Dixies skills with weapons were honestly laughable, devastatingly uncoordinated in comparison to the carnie knife throwers y/n had grown up around. Y/n ducked as Dixie swung wildly at her, y/n bringing their leg out which caused Dixie to tumble to the ground, the obnoxious girls knife gliding across the floor and away from her. 

Y/n quickly found herself perched atop Dixie, straddling the smaller girls waist as she began laying blow after blow on the tanned girls skin. Welts almost instantly formed as y/n layed it on her, blood seeping out of Dixies clearly broken nose and busted lip. The girl underneath y/n was now screaming and sobbing at this point as her face became nearly unrecognizable. Only with Theo stepping in did y/n climb off of Dixie, stepping to stand beside Theo as the beat up girl tried to stand trying to run off without a word. Y/n decided to have one last jab as the girls back was turned, attempting to retreat to her room. Y/n leant down and picked up Dixies discarded knife, “You forgot something princess.” With that y/n put her knife throwing practice to use, the knife quickly flying across the room and embedding itself in Dixies side.

Y/n watched as Theo let out a small hum of amusement as Dixie collapsed on the staircase. Theo slowly made his was over to Dixie, quickly picking up on the fact she was still conscious. “My apologies Ms. Morgan but you’ve confirmed me and Tabitha's fears, you’re not cut out to be a part of our... operation. And you know to much which unfortunately leaves us with only one choice.” Without so much as another word, the delirious and sobbing girl was dragged out of the room by Tabitha. Greenwood began capping slowly from the opposite side of the room, “Nice work, I call dibs on her when Tabitha's done. Its been a while since I’ve had fresh meat, pork hasn’t been up to par lately.” Despite the joking tone of Greenwoods words, you knew he was serious and cringed a bit. 

Your eyes flick to Jerome for a moment before looking away, instead opting to go to your room. You were only stopped a way down the hall, familiar arms wrapping around your waist from behind and spinning you around. “Gunna just ignore me after I was gone all day?” Y/n turned and glared lightly before continuing their walk, Jerome catching up to walk alongside you. “Ahhh.. the silent treatment, I only know one cure for that.” Without another word, Jerome flipped you around to face him, his lips immediately clashing against yours. It wasn't the first time you and Jerome had kissed, just in the past it was teenage curiosity induced by stolen alcohol or simply out of boredom. The way his lips moved passionately against yours, his teeth gently nipping out your bottom lip was different than the innocent kisses from before. 

You pulled away slowly, your e/c eyes meeting his dark brown, nearly ebony eyes. You caught your breath, both from the kiss and the intensity in which he was now staring at you with. His signature smirk decorated his face as he looked down at you, “ That was quite a show you put on out there doll.” You and Jerome always had a strange friendship, walking a fine line between best friends and romantic. He had always called you doll or dollface, knowing it flustered you, which you supposed is why you had snapped when you heard him mutter the pet name to Dixie. You didn’t respond, only turned away in annoyance and embarrassment.

 His fingers found their way under your chin, guiding you to turn and look at him. “I like when you're possessive, you always have this fire burning behind your eyes when you get mad. What's was it you said to Dixie?” Jerome feigned mock confusion and thoughtfulness for a second to annoy you. He clicked his tongue as it ‘came to him’, “Think a second before touching things that aren’t yours’ wasn’t that it?” You glared up at him as he continued jesting at you, his eyes aflame with mischievous amusement. You rolled your eyes lightly, only reconnecting with his when he spoke up again. “Doesn’t sound to bad does it? We could probably be the most badass, freakish power couple there ever was. I can see it in the headlines now: J and Dollface: Homicidal maniacs murder thousands.” You knew he was joking around but couldn't help the butterflies that fluttered around your stomach at the implication of you two being an item.

You let out a soft sigh and looked away, your arms crossed across your chest, “Don’t joke about that stuff J.” He quirked an eyebrow at you before his smirk returned, “What if it weren’t a joke, then what dollface? I only messed with here to get a rise out of you, get your attention.” You looked at him with confusion, trying to see if he was telling the truth or not. “What do you say dollface?” You didn't say anything, instead opting to pull him into another deep kiss, his hand immediately finding your waist. It seemed like you were kissing for an eternity before you pulled away, your foreheads pressed against each other, your lips staying only a few inches part. Jerome squeezed your waist lightly, pulling you flush against him. You flushed lightly as his next word came out a low, raspy growl, “Mine.”

You couldn’t help the smile that quickly made its way to your face, only replying with one word in return, “Mine.”

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[I’m gunna try to time my rights from now on.]

Time: 1 hour, 33 minutes

Not grammar reviewed yet so apologies for any typos. 

#jerome valeska #jerome valeska x reader #gotham #cameron monaghan #gotham one shot

[akvtsuki-ari]

A Study In Body Language| iii. angel wings

Warnings: talks of trauma, drug use and addiciton, broken childhood, general talk of loss and sadness, general sad tw 

Length: 4.5k 

Authors Note: this fic is really my pride and joy. this chapter is heavy and honest and i hope you all like it. thanks for sticking with me as always and i hope everyone ejoys. much love <33

Plot Summary: You’ve been taking care of Spencer and living with him on and off for a few months, and tonight was supposed to be any other night but it wasn’t. You and Spencer speak honestly for the first time, and Spencer thinks he sees wings on your back. No more walls, no more secrets. 

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 

You were getting a little too accustomed to the company of Spencer Reid. After that first night, you’d stop by every day and depending on the situation, some nights - no, many nights, you’d sleepover. The morning sun would shed your worries away as you hear Spencer asleep in the other room. You slept less than Spencer at this point, but he was constantly exhausted, so who could blame him. The mental toll of addiction was blooming, and more often than not you worried about his relapse. Some days were better than others, but the night was always difficult. Full of darkness, and silence, and overthinking. 

It had been two months, on and off of living in Spencer's apartment for temporary amounts of time. Everywhere he went there were traces of you, the smell of your shampoo and soap, or your laundry folded up neatly, or grocery lists you wrote in cutesy stationery. Your house was in a similar condition - with traces of Spencer's existence there though he’d never actually set foot in your apartment. His clothes, mostly. Old books he gave you to read, as a small and unspoken repayment. Little reminders of the other person just seemed to pop up everywhere and neither of you really spoke about it. Not if you didn’t have too. 

It was two months like that before tonight happened - what would have normally been another normal night. You made dinner or ordered takeout if you were too tired. The two of you would make small talk, small bits and pieces of intimacy in many ways unknowing, falling onto the floor in front of you, for the other person to pick up. Then the sun would rise, and you’d take care of your personal life while Spencer tried slowly but surely to reintegrate. This was normal for both of you. 

Two months of living on and off with another person accustom you a lot to their inconsistencies. Sometimes it was glaringly obvious when something was wrong, like now. When the knock on Spencer's door lingers for a few seconds too long and you can feel the tidal waves crash and go to shit. When your heart pounds in fear as you use the key to unlock the door and see a needle missing on the desk and know. It was the small pains, the growing pains that hurt the most when you and another person share the same quiet space. 

It hurt most to see Spencer so exhausted. It was killing him and he was letting it, but he was trying. Something happened, surely it did but what? He was getting better even if it was slow but something made him look to the needle before he looked to you and maybe that was the hardest part. That all the walls both of you forcibly kept up may be a reason he got here in the first place. You didn’t have time for heartache, because for now you just didn’t know. You didn’t know of the circumstances, or evidence, or even if he didn’t overdose and those things are the darkest. 

When you see Spencer Reid, staring into the ceiling high out of his mind, you don’t really know how to feel other than sad. You’re not crying, you’re not in pain, you’re just sad. You wish you were angry because anger is such a simple and uncomplicated emotion but you could never be. It was just sad. For a lot of reasons, but just that at the end of the day. 

You sat next to Spencer, placing your bags on the floor. You leaned on the coffee table, taking his temperature. He looked over at you, wincing but smiling. You can’t blame him for chasing his happiness, you suppose. Your hand rests on his forehead for a few seconds as you watch him in silence. He just looks up at the ceiling, eyes flitting with nothingness as he lays there, unmoving.

“What happened, Spencer?,” your voice isn’t solemn. He appreciates that you’re genuinely just asking him a question. His eyes fall onto your expression, and he looks carefully at all your features. A feeling of adoration stir in his chest, his hands reaching out to touch your face and you let him. He figures its the high talking, so he doesn’t say anything. He just looks at you - and touches you, afraid that if he doesn’t you’d disappear and he wasn’t ready for that yet. His fingers shake when he moves them. But they still as soon as he touches your skin. 

“JJ called, and asked me how I was,” he laughs. It’s not a genuine laugh, because you’ve heard Spencers genuine laugh and it sounds different. Less throaty, and more like an uproar. 

“I hate lying to them, hah. I do it all the time, but every time it comes with this regret. This time the lie is so bad, I might never tell them,” he muses. You hold his wrist and pull off from it. He looks at you curiously but you lock fingers with him instead and that seems to ease him. 

You just look at him for a few seconds. You don’t have much to say that he doesn’t already know because well, that's just the thing. The two of you still don’t know much at all. You wish it were as simple or well-thought-out as destiny but it wasn’t. It was careful considerations to make sure that things never got too close. That ultimately, both of you could leave this situation behind someday with nothing more than solidarity. Neither of you tried, to tear down any walls or breakthrough any barriers. You sat stagnant, on opposite sides of the same concrete wall and just spoke, or knocked, or otherwise. Each of you just trying to make sure the other survived the darkness. You can’t help but feel it was your fault, that maybe if you were JJ for him, he wouldn’t feel so compelled to break but the notion is flawed. 

It sounds complicated because it is. It takes a level of stubbornness from every party to spend two months with someone and scrape by without at least being friends. You were close, but not friends. If there was a word for that, then this was it.  

“Don’t leave tonight, please,” his voice is dry when he says it. It sounds like he can’t bear too but he does anyway and the request is a surprise. You just nod, staring at him. Trying to figure out how to just exist in something so complicated. 

“Tell me, something, Y/N,” he poses the questions, turning his whole body to face you. You read his expression and he laughs at your confusion. 

“Nothing, in particular, we don’t really do very good at honest conversations, do we?,” he smiles when he says it. You can’t help but smile back, recognition of his words to be true. You just look to him, his body language is so relaxed and quiet. It’s a little unnerving how much you don’t recognize him but whose fault was that? It’s hard to say his or yours. No sway in either direction.

You don’t really know why or how it happens. You don’t know if it’s the way he looks at you so warmly, or the way his hands hold yours so tight like your the last thing he has to hold onto. It was like the two of you had forgotten the whole world, genuinely forgotten it and this was all that was left. Both of you just holding onto the other person, the person who’d walk with you through the darkness without intention and now you were both here. It wasn’t time because it never would be. It would never be the right time to stop being so stubborn, but sometimes the universe aligns in a way where it makes the most sense to not be. None of it ever made any sense but how could it?

“I’m sick of playing this game, Y/N, and you are too. It’s stupid, and it doesn’t have to mean anything but we keep letting it. It keeps meaning something and that’s why you’re still here. So what does this mean to you?,” Spencer's question isn’t aggressive, or unwarranted. He’s right, thats the part that's most difficult. 

He was right. Two months of being together, living together, talking together and still the both of you were here. At some point, the moral obligation stopped, at some point, the emotions didn’t make sense - at some point, there was no need for either party to keep going. But you did, and neither of you knew when the end was. At some point, this was something more than a moral obligation. It had personal stakes, rooted in fear, love, and acceptance. Stakes from personal places that neither of you ever talked of. Always just managed to avoid it. 

“I asked you two months ago, so know I’m asking again. Why’re you here?,” Spencer asks, looking at your expression. You look to him for reassurance and he gives it to you before you settle and go to tell him why - or really who. 

“His name was Michael. He was a brother to me, and when I was little - he always got me out of trouble. He showed me what it meant to live, and to be alive. He taught me how to fight, he taught me how to love, and he showed me how to be kind. Every lesson I learned, he taught me. When the addiction finally caught up with him, he gave me a note. Told me thank you for everything, and that he was sorry. Sorry he couldn’t fight away the demons anymore and told me to remember to be kind. That, that would change the world someday. That’s the short version anyway,” you spoke solemnly. You weren't sure when you started crying, but Spencer started wiping tears off your face. 

It was the first time anyone on the team had ever heard of the story. They knew things about you, of course they did but you always kept that part of you. It made you, all of you but you didn’t want so many people to know all of you. Just not yet anyways. It was such a dark part of you, and maybe part of you believes that if you keep it away - they wouldn’t have to carry the burden of sympathy with them. You didn’t want sympathy; you didn’t want anyone to know just how fucked up your life used to be because it took you so long to grow from that. You’re afraid of unpacking something that you spent so many years compartmentalizing. 

“Shit, sorry,” you say softly. Spencer just looks at you. 

“I didn’t really have much family, my mom passed away when I was young and my dad isn’t really around - he took me in, but he’s a piece of shit. It was the neighborhood that raised me, I made trouble but who didn’t? I have plenty of people back home who are family but there’s no blood relation,” You explain. Spencer nods, a little tired.  

“I was pretty isolated as a kid, so I kinda get it,” he explains. You give him a smile. 

“It’s different, and I know how hard it was for you. You shouldn’t diminish that,” you explain warmly. Spencer cries this time, which is certainly unexpected. You wipe his tears. 

“Michael took me under his wing when he was volunteering at the community center. He said I reminded him of someone, never told me who. Every time I go home that center is the first place I go,” you say softly, recalling home fondly. Spencer listens to you intently. 

“It housed a lot of addicts and homeless folks. So now, I just know when something is wrong. I know what to do, and what to look for. Every person has a different reason and story, so sometimes there's no time to do everything you can. Sometimes a hot meal and a shower, and that one night of comfort is the most you can do for someone. Because ultimately, you can’t force them to recover. You can only give them the tools to try,” you explain, recalling your life back home. A part of yourself that only Hotch really knew, because it was always so hard to talk about. 

“I’ve seen it all, you know? The whole world is sick so what do you do? For me, I just try my best to do what I can. The BAU, and life back home, all of it. I just try my best because it’s all I can do,”  your voice is gentle when you say the last part. Spencer's throat is closing up as he stops himself from crying. He sees what everyone else must’ve seen before. It’s hard to not be moved by you. 

“What do you do when it’s not enough?,” he asks quietly. You’re startled by the question but you pet his hair for a second. 

“Your best is always enough. It’s foolproof because there isn’t anything you can do after your best. So when it feels like my best isn’t enough, I try to remember that there wasn’t anything more to do. It’s hard but it’s how you stay afloat. When it becomes personal, it’ll gnaw on your soul till there's nothing left, so I try so hard to make sure it doesn’t get that way,”  you explain soothingly. The last part sticks on Spencer's conscious mind but he doesn’t say anything about it. 

“You know, we never talked about the first night you were,” Spencer croaks. You look at him for a second, pausing and taking in his words. You didn’t, and it never occurred to you that maybe you should. 

“Would you like to?,”

Spencer just smiles. You take that as a yes. 

“You’re different when you’re like that, and like this,” you’re the first to talk about it. Spencer just looks at you knowingly. 

You put on Harry Potter and waited for Spencer to come out of the shower. Everything was going surprisingly well and when Spencer popped his head out of the bathroom to ask for a towel - you had earned yourself a little faith that maybe this would turn out okay. 

It was short-lived, really. Spencer comes, and sits, and eats. But he isn’t hungry, and he slept for a while but he doesn’t think he will ever again and his breathing becomes unhinged. The folly into what should’ve felt inevitable. It was the first time you’d ever seen Spencer in such a state, unready and willing but destined to fall apart. 

You got him to eat, and to sleep - but the night was going to fall any time soon and he was losing his mind. Moving constantly, walking and pacing, and sighing. He couldn’t hold himself any longer, couldn’t fathom the idea of being alive. Of course, it hurts too. It hurts when you don’t take it and it hurts when you do, so for a while, you and Spencer are just stuck. You’re watching him fold into himself and you’re just a little unsure. 

Spencer sits to read and his hands are shaking. Harry Potter long forgotten, the lasagna foiled wrapped, and the city dark. The world had stopped it felt like but Spencer couldn’t stop shaking. His finger trembles every time he turned the page and an exasperated sigh fell from his lips. He just wanted to focus on anything but the feeling that made his skin feel so hot and prickly. 

You sit next to Spencer and silently take the book from his hands. You hold his hands together and put the book away and you walk to lock his doors and turn of his lights. He looks at you curiously as you pack things away and tidy up. You grab a pillow and some blankets and sit on the couch next to him before you lay down, pulling his shoulder down towards you. He’s little spoon, eyes terribly confused and face flustered. You just braid his hair and lay with him for a while. Eventually, it’s so quiet, he stops shaking. He’s too confused to be upset so he relaxes instead. You’re silent the whole time and he falls asleep in your arms, unsure but happy to be anywhere but in his own head

“Why did you do that?,” Spencer asks first. You look to his eyes as he asks for your recognition and answers. 

“The easy answer was that you needed it. We’re human, we all need to be held sometimes,” you explain. 

“What's the hard answer?.” Spencer always managed to notice those things. The small things that most people wouldn’t catch. 

“That I wanted too,” you look over to him as you answer his question and he gives you a small smile. He nods a bit - eyes hazy and just nods. Spencer looks distantly for a while, comfortable silence falling into the air as the both of you sit and think. 

“I stopped having nightmares after that night,” Spencer confesses. You must look very surprised, Spencers chuckle soothing to your ears as he glances at your face. 

“You were having nightmares?,” you query carefully. He gestures a yes as he stares up at the ceiling, hands, moving to lay on his back, finding your hands as he looks up. You accept it and Spencer gives it a squeeze. 

“They stopped after, and I haven’t had one since you started living here part time,” Spencer admits to you in good faith. You laugh at the part-time comment and Spencer does too. 

Silence again. The longest pause between the two of you as you look at everything in the room but each other. Spencer's expressions fall between being completely relaxed to tense, mind running a million miles at an hour though physically he was relaxed. The drugs never fixed anything, it becomes clearer as he comes down from a high but he feels better. He guesses your the reason and he can’t help but smile to himself. How ridiculous. 

You were in an odd place now it seemed. It was dark outside, though, not your average darkness. It wasn’t the kind that was eldritch - full of shadowy beings and abyss. It was the kind that just seemed to be. It was comforting in it’s own right but maybe that’s just because you were sharing that darkness with someone, someone who you didn’t hate. Someone who understood you, in all the complicated and broken pieces that you came with. Someone who wasn’t trying to fix you, but reframe you in his own mind so that things made sense. Spencer just wanted to make sense of you. 

“This is so complicated, you know that?,” You announce. Spencer hums in agreement. 

“We’re complicated people,” 

“What else do you wanna talk about?,” you ask Spencer, figuring that there was only one way this could really go. The night was the only place confessions could be heard, and you figure tonights the night. It’s really like you read Spencer's mind because he wants to ask you so many questions. Maybe it's a little by default that you know so much about him but he didn’t know anything about you it seemed. You were shrouded in too much mystery and maybe that’s what made him so suspicious of you back then - like he couldn’t accept your outright kindness because he always figured you had some bigger play. It was gut-wrenching to learn you were simply kind. Unabashedly kind, and you had your own reasons but most of them were simply because you were you. He was starting to see light in you, and every time he uncovered a piece there's more of that blinding light - falling onto his face and filling it with warmth. The kinda that pricks his skin after being surrounded by the cold for so long. Maybe it was selfish to find it like this, unfair to uncover you after all this time. He couldn’t help himself, the warmth was a feeling too addicting to stop searching for. 

He feels this pang of guilt, but he knows he needs to say it before he asks anymore question. 

“I’m sorry,”

You don’t need to ask. You know what he’s apologizing for because in the last few months you’ve learned a lot about how Spencer thinks and what he does. It’s everything that the two of you shared that he’s saying sorry for. You don’t need him to apologize but you accept it. 

“Me too,” 

Silence is the loudest voice in the room. 

“Why’d Hotch let you off work?,” the question is sudden but doesn’t feel that way.

“My dad is sick and I don’t know how I feel about it. I’ve been calling home and the neighbors a lot to make sure he’s okay cause I’m not all that sure I wanna see him. I don’t feel anything for him, but it’s sad to see him crumble,” 

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Spencers voice shakes. That’s troubling but here you still were, watching over him almost needlessly. He knows it was your choice to do it but the way he’s been acting towards you just seemed so unwarranted now. It was okay, really it was but he couldn’t help the guilt that ate at him. You just shake your head, stopping him in his train of thought. 

“It’s okay, Spencer. Really it is, shit happens,” you seem tired, likely because you are. It’s 4am and though you don’t have anywhere to be the conversation of such an emotional scale was getting to you. It was exahusting but you tried your best to keep up with the sleep that was threatening to swallow you. 

More quietness. This time it feels affectionate. Spencer turns his body to face you, his eyes hanging over the way your lids flutter shut with sleep. He’d yell at you to go to bed normally, sometimes he’d catch you awake when you’d sleepover and do just that. But he knew that the conversation wasn’t over - the elephant in the room was still hanging over the both of you and it was just a matter of who would decide to answer the question because the two of you just can’t keep moving like this.

 At some point, you would have to both fall away from this reality that you share. Neither of you wanted to, it was unspoken but, this was nice. It was comfortable, though difficult and at times clinical. It was an escape from everything because every night the both of you ended up next to each other speaking in whispers and watching tv together. Nothing but that. Nothing more or less. You wished it could go on forever, and you hoped he did too but it couldn’t. Two months just wasn’t enough time to escape. But time was up, and if this didn’t prove that then what would? It wasn’t Spencer's relapse as much as it was why he relapsed in the first place. JJ was a reminder, and even though he’d gotten calls before, it broke him this time. It was one time too many, and it meant that time for this had run out. Before this break was gone forever, you two were just trying to find some closure.

You straighten your back out, as look at Spencer. He looks at you, as the two of you make comfortable eye contact. It’s not unnatural, or weird, or tense. You give him a genuine smile and he returns it. Nothing is left to hide so for a second the two of you just enjoy each other's company.  For maybe the first time, it’s not so secretive. It just is. 

“What do we do?,” Spencer chuckles. You shrug, sitting up straight. 

“Well, you should go to rehab, and I should probably go back home,” You say sleepily. Spencer doesn’t disagree with you but it’s difficult for him to admit it. 

“It helps if we’re both brave. So, after this, we can hold each other accountable, and be friends” You clarify. Spencer smiles brightly, his high finally having left him. He’s exhausted now, but he sits up. You stand up too, going to the kitchen. Spencer's eyes follow you as he looks at you curiously. 

“I’m gonna make some coffee, we can sleep in the morning but we should probably start looking at centers. And I need to book a flight back home,” You state. Spencer relaxes and fights the urge he has to hold you. Look into your eyes and say thank you for everything. He figures he has all the time in the world for that now and hopes recovering will be the best thank you of all. He hopes it will be enough. 

He hopes he’s enough for you. 

___

The sun was blinding, even past the curtains it was warm and inviting. The shadow of your laptop danced along Spencers coffee table - as two mugs sat next to it for company. It was a little cliche, the way the birds chirped and the sound of the city just seemed to be so still in the morning. Well, not morning - 3pm. You and Spencer didn’t sleep all night, so really you went to bed around when it was morning.

Spencer's chest rose and fell, as your sleeping figure was draped on top of him. It’s unclear how the two of you fell asleep like that, but at least this time it felt final. He was warm, and the way his hands rested on your back made you sleep easier. The weight of you on top of him made him relax - as if he knew he could always keep you safe from now on. Who knows if you’d ever talk about it, because when you wake up this will all be over. But the memories will always be there - and if you don’t talk about it, you’ll always have an excuse to come by, even if you didn’t need it anymore. 

You booked Spencer sometime in a rehab facility and scheduled an appointment with a therapist for him. It took all night because Spencer was rather picky about scheduling, but you didn’t mind. You booked a flight back home, and Spencer offered to go with you. You declined but you said maybe when you visit home for a happy reason he can come.

Now you’d both have reasons, just in case those stubborn feelings returned. 

The universe knew better, always did. It was too late for needing reasons by now, but it’d be a long time before either of you figured that out. That maybe friendly affections weren’t so friendly, and that at the end of the day both of you ignored the simple things. 

After all, this is a case study in body language. How it changes and grows when your heart opens to someone. 

It’s said when you’re in love with someone, their eyes dilate because of chemicals in the brain. 

Spencer's eyes were always blown out when he wakes up, but you figure he must be tired. 

Right? 

_____

taglist: @cynbx @zephyr-studiesjp @skrrrrrrrrrrt​ @louistwinslover​ @pastanest​ @nomajdetective​ @iamburdened​ @secretlyablueunicorn​

#spencer reid #spencer reid angst #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #Criminal Minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds self insert #crimnal minds angst #mannnn #i love this fic sm its my whole heart #would mean the world to me if yall read it #sighs contently

[thebleuroseproject]

On Helena: #1

Context: I am playing Helena in a Vampire, the Masquerade game. Setting is Boston, Necropolis, 2015. Helena is mortal, currently a ghoul to another player character (Klaxon). The player characters are Klaxon (Nosferatu), Elyas (Tremere), Keri (Gangrel), Garreth (Gangrel). Our DM is Gore. Some of this conversation will be edited out as I have done this to focus on Helena and her character.

Garreth OOC: -points to Helena- baby

Alex: Helena agreed, but is also aware Garreth is also baby, so it's like the same feeling you have for the baby sitter that's two years older than you are.

***

Gore: Garreth and Klaxon have to make it out alive as they went into it. But y'all split the party on me so I can't gaurantee that.

Alex: Helena will probably come rushing back. I don't think she will move in just due to how complex her plant/heat lamp set up is.

Gore: She could leave them with her plant dealer, Gus?

Alex: She could but it's like leaving your cat with your best friend. You trust them but that's your baby, and you will worry constantly.

***

Alex: She wouldn't cope well with Klaxon having monster sex- she heard something about him fucking a demon, and having also SEEN Necropolis...so she looks at her dorm and values the quiet.

Gore: He can't bring them topside, so Helena's safe.

Alex: I don't think she knows that.... but I do think she'd miss him then.Oh my god is she the mum friend? I think she is! "AT WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS?? YOU DIDN'T TEXT ME I WAS WORRIED?". Either way, she's still on the fence about her dorm and I can't push her any which way.

***

Gore: Has she heard stories about how brutal U.S cops are?

Alex: No, she's pretty shut in. She came to America for study and books, so thats EXACTLY what she's doing.

Gore: She's not aware of the political climate of it?

Alex: No, she's one of those 'I don't read the news'

Gore: Aight

Alex: I never really thought about it but I guess she is autistic. The 'outside' world doesn't really interest her on a larger scale. She's more about tasks and interests. The only reason I'M not like that is because of my flavour of anxiety being worried that I'm not a good person. I think Helena's is more about just interacting with people and her routines. She DOES love the World and humanity, but she's much more of a fan of nature because she's always found it hard to connect with people. This doesn't mean she's NASTY, she's nice to everyone and wouldn't hurt a fly - she just simply doesn't understand things like racism/homophobia on an emotional level. Historically though, of course she does.

***

Gore: What happens if one of her friends gets hurt?

Alex: She's never had that problem before really. The best example so far is with Patrick (NPC)when she was like OH GOD OH NO. Her first thoughts were practical though "I have to find him and give him first aid or whatever I can do". She has her panic attacks but like when Klaxon had his she throws it out the window and focuses on what needs to be done. She wants to be useful, she wants to help if she's needed in a people situation. Those situations are rare though, she's always been in her own little world, her parents hoped she'd get better with this but she's managed so far.

***

Gore: What if (helping) gets her into more trouble?

Alex: Hm. I think she takes things as it comes. If she was an element, she would be Earth. She's not selfish, she weathers the storm as best she can. THAT attitude has got her into trouble though, as she's still learning to be like "I need sleep" and "I don't want this.

***

Gore: Sometimes the Earth gets shaken. Would she take a direct attack to defend one of her new friends or have one of them defend her?

Alex: Hm, she would take a hit. She is vaguely aware people usually need to defend her, and feels bad about it. She's still never really had friends though, so this is new...AND in her mind she can always patch them up - even if that isn't strictly true.

***

Gore: How far can she go w/o realising she needs to patch herself up?

Alex: I mean she rushed out the door to help someone else at MIDNIGHT. For comparison, I would call the authorities and get some sleep since I would be useless sleep deprived. Helena doesn't even really put that as her first thought because she hasn't had anyone to really rely on (aside from her parents) so she feels like she has to do everything herself. She is Very respectful of authority figures but doesn't expect them to solve her problems, even with her parents, she realises in their old age she can't rely on them anymore. As a result, I think she'd go pretty far because she KNOWS the body and how it works. She will always think she can take a little more, but in reality she can't predict the impact and just how hard the next hit will be.

***

Gore: So if her legs are gone, she would still crawl to others to heal them?

Alex: Oh yeah, if she can move and has bandages. If not, she would at least move to be with them. Helena would be happy to go and then come straight back if Klaxon told her to and if she was given a use. Go there and come straight back we need to you to X for this thing.

***

Gore: You are a Brit in Boston in 2015 I gotta say that as well...

Alex: She's been fine at Uni

Gore: Up until now

Alex: It's only been a day for her, she doesn't get that yet. At Uni she does largely what she's told if given a clear reason.

Gore: Yeah but here's the thing about med school. It is highly competitive and people are always looking for excuses to flunk people out.

Alex: True. But she is VERY GOOD at what she does. I imagine that does annoy others but also it's hard to be mad at her because she's quiet about it as well as sweet, lovely and helpful to most people she meets. She knows her place with people in general, and it is at the bottom.

Gore: Some Boston people would say that you belong in the harbour with the tea

Alex: and she would clam up and walk on by.

***

Alex: Teachers like her because she's polite, studies hard and is VERY earnest in what she does. Helena making a mistake is rare, so when it happens, some shit is going down.

Gore: It sure will be

Alex: She's going to have to rush in and lie to teachers, she won't like that at ALL. Helena is a good girl but she ain't saying shit about Necropolis. She doesn't fully understand why, but she feels it in her heart to shut up.

Gore: Why?

Alex: Klaxon said they've (kindred) been around forever and have functioned this way. The heart doesn't know the lungs exist but functions anyway, yet NEEDS those lungs. She isn't loyal to humanity like that, her interest lies in medicine and they (kindred) don't seem malicious, from what she's seen.

***

Gore: Wouldn't it be a great medical advancement to study those undead and cryptids?

Alex: Yeah, but not on a huge scale. She knows about medicinal cruelty. How many have been mutilated or hurt in the name of study? With the world as it is now, no. Sure, an ideal world in Helena's mind would be all species working and living together but she KNOWS that isn't going to happen.So she will study by herself, and she's fine with that.

***

Gore: If embraced, would she study herself

Alex: Yeah, absolutely.

Gore: To what degree?

Alex: Not to like 'remove arm' degree, she would do it as needed. Like when they test new skincare on humans "I put this swatch on to see how it works". Blood samples, skin samples, bone study - she would see if she could get books on anatomy for surgery and healing.

***

Alex: The idea of studying forever appeals to her, but the passage of time scares her. She's not ready to be a vampire but she might be if she lost all her connections on the outside. I don't think it would be healthy for her though.

The joy of a mortal life is that you (hopefully) realise eventually that you have to self actualise or you WILL DIE and things will be WRONG.

Gore: What value is your own health when there's injured people?

Alex: Exactly. But I don't think she'd be her own person, she'd dedicate her life to a cause.

***

Alex: She's still developing as a person

Gore: You can develop as a kindred, it happens.

Alex: I think she thinks she might get there (being a kindred) but not at the drop of a hat.

Gore: Funny thing about death, you aren't always ready for it.

Alex: I know that, and she knows that a little. But Klaxon said she could choose, and she would like to. When it comes to big decisions I think she's slow and deliberate, like a plant. She really doesn't like change all that much.

***

Gore: You can't trust those Tremere, they can and will sell you out or use you for a ritual.

Alex: She won't see it like that, she is individual by individual. Like with her plants. HER Aloe Vera is not like any other aloe vera if you look on a deeper level, which she does.

***

Gore: She wanted to be a war medic right, has she done any internships at that level?

Alex: Not yet. She wanted to do her degree first for the skills, learn as much as she could by the boos because it's not something you can or should wing.

***

Gore: Would she squee if she met a moss or grass person?

Alex: Probably. Absolutely. Maybe quietly. She would probably love to learn to help them if they get sick. In retirement I can see her as being the best GP ever. The nurse that gives you breathing room if you have needle anxiety. The doctor that believes you and gives you a refferal. She is GOOD and I love her.

#Helena #HelenaVTM #Gore

[itissadbutitsmy-life]

the funniest jokes in bfdi

flower’s announcer crusher that she just. has, and everyone else just uses it too

trying to put out a fire by holding ice cube’s recovery center over the fire so she just falls into it endlessly

every single one of yellow face’s products, including but not limited to

fork attractant, for when you need a fork but don’t have the cutlery on hand

headphones you cannot change the volume on or remove

money slips, you just write an amount on them, and it counts as legal tender

“thats a pentagon!” “yeah! like if you took my name and added ‘Tagon’!“

in like episode 2 when they all run away from something and a second later flower casually power-walks away from it instead of running

when balloony deflated and a while later cloudy flies over and goes “i cannot believe it! this is a dead body!!”

“he’s not dead, he just needs a little help thats all! (starts reinflating him too fast) but i agree, he is a hindrance when he is deflate- ohh noooo”

hollow jawbreakers that sound can come into but can’t go out of

when they stuck loser in a jawbreaker they inverted it, so they can hear him talk to himself but he cant hear anything around him

no one seems to know that thats why they can hear him

one time they all ended up in space. because of budget cuts.

actually every time budget cuts lead to something that seems way cooler than their previous stuff, like sparkly purple lasers instead of a mechanical arm to eliminate people with

the consistently bad cake at stake prizes. one time it was just a block of ice cut into six pieces. one time it was dirty shovels.

the magical die of judgement

when freesmart drove across the ocean in their van and they managed it by holding their breath and each time one of them died they just recovered them and threw their corpse out the back

golf ball messing up naming her team by saying things like “we need to be another name” and ending up on teams called Another Name and A Better Name Than That

one team was formed entirely around learning to not kill people. pillow overhears them say “youre against killing?” and goes “:D did someone say killing??”

tennis ball admonishing rocky for not knowing how to write: “no arms is no excuse”

they had to find a needle in a haystack and needle just turned herself in, successfully

when they started using a board with the points written on it on flaps of paper instead of a computer screen, but due to budget cuts, it could only display two digits per contestant, so anyone who went over 100 started immediately dropping to the bottom of the rankings

when ice cube was sleeping at the cake of stake podiums and got shot up into the air at like 3000 mph

2763

when the eliminated contestants tried to escape the loser chamber and they just rolled it off into the ocean

theyre saved because the sun rises and picks them up out of the ocean

also apparently the chamber opens for like five minutes a day for sunlight, but instead of just climbing out during that time, which they seem to be capable of doing, they do a much more convoluted thing

they were sick of four so they got rid of him by multiplying him with donut, and it worked

ruby has some really weirdly specific ideas of beauty and coaches flower

the line delivery of “killing a bubble is as easy as one, two, th(pop)” “i just learned two things about bubble: she can be su i c i d a l and she’s S O D U M B she CANT even count to T H R E E!”

a few episodes later bubble angrily shows them she CAN count to three if she lives long enough to do so, and pencil and match are both like :O :O

bubbles first line in season four is her rapidly counting to ten before getting popped

the way each team breaks their jawbreakers

8 ball just goes “MNYAH” and bites it in half

"okay black hole, do the thing”

leafy tries to use woody’s tongue to lick it open even though rocky and balloony were doing just fine using acid

iance just going ‘bwehbwehbweh’ all licking the same one

team ice cube was doing a mix of bwebwhbehbbwehbw and loudly drilling it open with naily

when four loved so hard he shot eraser off over the horizon

when they’re discussing team names in season one  and theyre all talking over each other so you cant hear what theyre saying, except match, who grabs a megaphone and screams “SMOKY HOT FIERY BUNS”

when needle made a cake and put so much yeast in it that it breached earth’s atmosphere and astronomers apparently began classing earth as part of a three planet system (”consisting of the earth, the moon, and something called ‘needles cake’”)

“it’s ice cube! and she’s shrinking?” “she’s falling”

saying “(x character)! wake up!!” when it’s unclear (to the audience) why a character looks silly or apparently isnt responding

blocky’s sleeping pose is him with his eyes wide open, sporting a big goofy grin and hugging his legs

david’s sleeping pose is him with X eyes

one time the contest was to fill a tank with water from crying, and golf ball immediately ordered tennis ball to cry. he couldn’t do it on command, so golf ball tried, and cried her first ever tear, just... her first one

when the prize was fortune cookies, the fortunes were bracelety’s notes about how much she loves ice cube

“four, where’d you get these fortunes again?” “dumpster!”

“lightning always forgets to fly, so he had to be the fake”

when they were flying paper planes and stapy accidentally stapled his teammates into theirs, and he just hovered next to it while he was talking to them before they all started to plummet

the entire scene where liy tries to use ice cube to force teardrop to talk

“i’ll hold teardrops jaw open and you wiggle her vocal chords”

“i hate you” “yeah i hate her too!” “no. i hate you.”

“ice cube will only stop when she WANTS to stop!” “i want to stop”

“YOU SAID YOU WOULD HELP ME! YOU SAID YOU WERE COOL!” “so r r y (starts wiggling)”

“ICE CUBE! I AM APPALLED!!!!!”

ice cube gets bitten and starts screaming while bracelety is yelling “YEAH ICE CUBE! I CANT HEAR YOU, LOUDER!!”

apparently everyone who hates golf ball gets physically sick when they get near her (or at least, ruby does and snowball did once he knew she was there)

blocky got eaten by a monster in episode two but it turned out the monster missed him by a bit so he was fine

taco’s teammates thought she was dead forever and wrote eulogies for her, and once they found out she was alive lollipop threw hers away, but saw kept hers because in her eyes they’re still valid!!

when things started to get dramatic in the s1 finale, and leafy called announcer on the phone and he was in a ball pit

loser’s trapped in a jawbreaker and the only thing with him is donut’s diary. the next time you see him he’s reading it furiously and it’s filled with color-coded sticky notes

pillow decided if you wave your arms it means all your “care spirit” is getting sucked out your arms and sent into space (”a true indicator that person doesn’t give a fluff”)

remote got hacked and her FIRST INSTINCT is to send the hackers a bomb

“if theres an announcer recovery center now, that means we can kill the announcer as much as we want and he’ll still come back to give us dream island!”

they ask black hole to push them in their swing and he says he can’t push, but he can pull like there’s no tomorrow

“no i can literally warp space time so that there will be no tomorrow” “yeah,h don’t do that.”

when they have a tiebreaker announcer pulls out a silk tie and goes “first team to break this tie wins”

the second time, almost before he finished speaking, snowball just reached over and ripped it in half effortlessly

“proves you don’t need frills to make a feast for the eyes!” “more like taco doesn’t need to be dead to be deceased in my eyes!!!”

they had a race where everyone on each team had their legs tied together (like a three-legged race, but with like six people on a team)

pen’s team was doing fine but he wasn’t, so they just dragged him along behind

snowball tied his team into a ball and dragged them himself, to predictable results, and wouldn’t stop until he got to the finish line even though it took him until after the sun went down

he failed, actually, and him and his team plummeted down a ravine when he passed out

“the opposite of dream island! night...nightmare moon!!”

donut stuck his arms through a one way camera to the moon (it transmits matter as well as light), and to fix the fact that his arms were on the moon and his body was on earth, he pushed the entire earth through the camera

the moon is smushed up against the earth now. it has not been resolved yet

“gelatin and firey tied their legs together and fell off” “ya, seems like the kind of thing they would do”

pencil got caught by a monster and couldnt get away, so they had to kill her so they could recover her somewhere else, and they let her pick how they did it, which lead to everyone just sawing her in half while she grinned ear to ear. she was singing too. iconic

but first, match, her best friend, started waggling a big butcher’s knife around at her going “hoohoo hoeheehee im killing pencil loookat me” and pencil said “match put your butterknife away, you have to ACTUALLY kill me”

and when they were sawing her in half bubble had the BIGGEST, most BLISSFUL grin, with her eyes half closed like a happy cat

bell asks for help making people stop climbing her string, and snowball assures her he can do it, but he’ll have to climb her string to get to them

then like twenty people followed him up

when writing utensil characters use themselves to write with

sometimes they have tiny versions of themselves (sans limbs), but sometimes they just like, pull their caps off and write with their heads

(the same scream noise they use every time a group of people screams) “HONESTLY! (grabs a new can of fork repellent from hammerspace) are you guys going to scream like that EVERY time i use up a can?”

dodecadangit

OH THANKS AN OCTADECILLION, MATCH

they were basically playing hot potato where if you look at someone who was glowing you’d catch the glow, and most teams ended up just chilling with their eyes closed, but golf ball yelled “EVERYONE GET ON MY ROCKET” and she and her team just left earth entirely

this did not stop them from catching the glow

someone’s like “the communicator dish still works” and book goes “oh,” dips a chip into the communicator dish and splashes dip everywhere, “THATS what this is?”

the, like, five minute long end-credits scene of ice cube falling off a cliff eternally

pencil tells ruby which button to press and she keeps getting it wrong, partly because NEW BUTTONS KEEP APPEARING

the poison antidote that has the side effect of making the recipient eat one other contestant

pencil coaching her teammates on how to jump higher

“MMR? I love measles, mumps, and rubella!”

“golf ball knows how to do, like, everything!” (cut to golf ball) “i don’t know how to do, like, anything”

basketball invited 8 ball to be on her team cuz they’re both balls, then 8 ball said “sure, and let’s adopt these three” in reference to three other ball characters

loser said when he was younger he used to play with a toy that was apparently only just invented an hour ago, and everyone, like 60 characters, immediately disowned him and started a turf war over the situation

“black hole, you’re strong! open this jar for me!”

(as the world is literally ending) “FLOWER! WHATAVE YOU DONE??” “i got this jar open!!!”

whenever a host dies or is otherwise put out of commission and the contestants just keep trucking along until they remember no one can get the prize if the host isn’t around to give it to them 

that time announcer used like ten negatives in a sentence 

the way announcer says “wow!” with more emotion than anything else he says? idk if it’s intentional, or even a joke, but it’s the best thing 

(slow mo) “i want to cry now, i really do”

“and i cry acid”

ruby died of sadness and book made it big by selling her remains 

when they say some line that’s just regular words in a slightly unique way, and then the line gets repeated throughout the series 

announcer accidentally-on-purpose got everyone killed, except david (who’s immune to bugs), and he had a david cloner, so he just went ahead and replaced everyone with davids in costumes

halfway through cake at stake, the original contestants show up unexpectedly and explain that they “faked their deaths! obviously.”

“ive decided to not cancel bfdi!” “aw, seriously?”

the noises david and dora make when they do things, like clattering, or sprouting leaves 

bubble and match pretending to be trees

“NO BUBBLE! TREES DONT SAY THAT!” “OH, RIGHT! FSSHHHHHH! FWWWSHH!!!!”

when nickel and coiny get close together bad things happen

“how’s the tree-climbing going?” “it’s okay, but it’d be easier if you helped. (swoop) okay, just got to the top” 

“yes! I am the first one up the tree!” “that’s NOT true, I was here FIRST” 

i guess we’ll just have to use this trebuchet tennis ball built before he died 

“wha! yhad this the HWOLE TIME, I DIDN EVEN HAVE TO CLIMB THE TREE?” “physical exertion builds character :)” 

when everyone’s begging four to bring back their dead teammates, especially saw, who lost her entire team, and four is like okay I’ll bring back one (1) person, and saw very reverently starts to ask him for her dead team leader, but grassy says “tennis ball!” and four listens to him instead, and everyone immediately starts nagging four again to bring back more important people 

leafy, about to melt ice cube down for metal scrap: “ice cube, come on down! you can be my alloy!”

they met a new character and they’re like “who is that?” and pie’s like “I dunno, try squishing it” 

“theres another one? whoa! it totally has a different texture from the first one!”

8 ball beginning every single statement with things like “although I don’t have a favorite number...” 

“I do this!” (grabs pin and turns her, screaming, into a squiggly pile of lines) “pretty cool, dontcha think?” 

“can,,,, you bring her back?” “no” (five seconds later) “HEY CHECK THIS OUT! (brings back pin)” 

pen high fived black hole and his arm spaghettified 

“what are you doing?” “im going to die!” “hi needle! he’s not going to die.”

iance was trying to dig their way up out of the ground but they couldnt because golf ball kept blocking them from the surface

“maybe theyre trying to communicate with me?” “yeah they’re telling you to stop”

“they raise a very convincing argument. BUT IT’S NOT ENOUGH!” “OH what a pain!!”

she accurately guessed the fact that there was a group of people underground running from some lava who “clearly value avoiding [golf ball] more than their own safety”

“ohhhh so THIS is golf balls idea of fun!” “(sigh)... yep”

they looked through a camera and couldn’t see donut (the zoom wasn’t adjusted) and marker went “donut’s a vampire too?” 

too???

“meh, I’ve still got other evidence”

one time the eliminated contestants got to vote who to eliminate and snowball was like “ice cube, cuz it’s really hot in the TLC and I can’t be the only one cooling it off” 

like four other people were like “oh man he’s right” and did the same thing

“wouldn’t it be cool if the last word of the last episode was the same as the first word of the first episode?” “yeah :)” 

“take. a deep breath. you know. A DEEP FRIED BREATH” 

at the end of the episode he shows up with some boiling oil and is like “LIKE THIS! ONE, (sizzling and screaming noises)” “COINY NO” 

leafy was about to throw a knife at them but watched this happen offscreen with horror and then left them alone

david’s human, and that’s just weird

“im still mad you killed bubble” “youre one to talk, you were about to impale TWO WHOLE teams” “yeah, but bubble��s life? is special”

pen’s like “okay we three need to stick together while we’re picking teams!” but then eraser hears some other team has free food, so he runs off and pen very flatly goes “okay, we lost eraser.”

“well let’s not pick pen, he’s still two hundred bigintillion dollars in debt” which is mostly hilarious without the first three seasons of context, but even with context it’s hilarious. he looks so shamefaced when they say it too. i love pen

once someone finally picks him he IMMEDIATELY perks up and takes charge

the hphprcc went into self destruct mode and everyone started frantically trying to figure out what to do, and book’s like “okay it’ll either just disappear without a trace, or blow up and kill us all, 50/50 chance” and then of course, it exploded, and ruby started screaming, and then book was like “ruby, stop hallucinating! see? it just disappeared, without a trace!”

“YOuuOURE HalLUCINAATING!!” “DON’T do that!! it is K-R-E-P!”

pin tried to knock everyone off the eiffel tower by shaking it and book was like “who does she think she’s kidding? it’s the eiffel tower we won’t fall off”

“name ONE! name ONE friend you haven’t gotten extremely angry at!” “thats not fair,! there isnt even any of them!”

8ball was saying the opposite of everything golf ball was saying, up to and including calling the members of their team, a better name that that, “worse namers”

“is this because i killed you last episode?” “what?? no, i dont care about that!”

“life is CHEAP! get me a BANANA!!!”

flower bit off half of announcer’s head and he couldn’t make the K sound anymore

“have this -ashew” “bless you”

“no i said -ashew. -ashew. -ashew. -ashew.” “wow you must be allergic to something”

“maybe announcer’s allergic to this cashew? here bubble, you can have it!”

pencil won the staring contest because david’s allergic to sunrises

freesmart was making video diaries during the three year hiatus, but apparently did absolutely no editing or even rewatching of the videos, because they found out three years too late that ruby left the lens cap on every time she used the camera

when four played the cake at stake song in the classroom he played it on a low-quality portable tv instead of cutting to a fullscreen video

“iknowafasterway!” “NORUBYYOULLDIE!”

pin said she didnt want to halve the votes she got because she hadnt done anything that would make people want to vote for her, and it immediately cut to a series of old scenes of her throwing people under the metaphorical bus

literally nothing is funnier than “i mean, i havent done anything to make people vote for me” (cut to flashback) “there’s too much weight on this sinking ship!!! we need to throw someone OVERBOARD!!!!”

one team got stuck doing their nine-piece puzzle for a MONTH because all the pieces were the same dark brown color

the pieces were upside down

a month

“the finish line! it’s only twenty or so yards away!”

two people talking and using the word “needy” twice and pausing to throw their hands up protectively and go “HNnnnynGH”

“why do i have filling, but also a hole?” - donuts diary

in 5b theyre talking to some npcs and theyre like “well dont hurt us, because we just got finished being punished in lego brick’s dungeon” and the npcs were like “oh yeah he does that. he’s a great guy, but he does that.”

also in 5b when book met lego brick the FIRST thing she asked is if he’s “safe to look at” which,???

they did a trivia contest and multiple questions were in complete gibberish

presumably this is an actual language in canon since like three other people answered correctly, also in gibberish, but still

“you’ve got this, bubble, you’re great at mental contests” “question one: ooba grooba, grooba shmooba?” “HUH?”

“but tennis ball -- oh... tennis ball....--”

team naming, especially in season four

“we’re not ALL in the alliance!” “well, if you take ‘the all’ out of the alliance, you get...”

“and what is your name?” (everyone says their own actual names at once)

ice cube is not on team ice cube

Death Prevention And Creating Trust

“let’s be called The Losers!” “awww! you didn’t have to”

wheel ooze a hole bunch. WOAH bunch!

“but then it sounds like youre saying free-DUMB!” “and we are so like totally not dumb!”

when the losers decided to use iance’s idea to win the swing contest and it was styled like an overenthusiastic science video 

“WHOA!!! iance just had a RADICAL idea!!!”

“TREASON! TREASON! TREASON!” “im in what?”

“seriously why are so many people drowning? it’s not even quicksand, or anything” - announcer, responding to five people drowning in a basket of bread

they were whispering with “susuusus” noises and cloudy whispered “zuzuzuzzuz”

the spaceship with the sign that says “this spaceship runs on big squishy contestants” or whatever and after the credits it slowly flips over to say “this spaceship runs on VOTERS”

“stop shooting at me!” “no way! i got these cannonballs on sale and IM GONNA GET MY MONEYS WORTH!!!”

eggy and cake’s argument over who has a deeper spiritual connection with loser

“my connection is so strong that when i crack, i bleed loser’s COLOR”

playing catch with a star they plucked out of the big dipper, and leafy’s horror over it

adding “ey” to people’s names (personal favorites are announcery, fourty-four, flowey, treey, and belly)

blueberries are EXPLOSIVE, including the ones inside pie, so sometimes she just explodes

“but over a year ago, four said you dont need frills to make a feast for the eyes, so that means hes okay with trash!”

the anti-advertisements advertisement!

four ate a whole team and they just sort of stood around inside him sticking their arms out his mouth and laughing hysterically

“again! again again again !!!!”

“we could be leaving!” “yeah, but when’s the last time you saw remote this happy? this is good for her!”

book, three episodes into season 3: hey, what is it we’re even battling for?

(iconic voice): dwream island,??

when they had a beauty contest and firey speaker box and flower speaker box just immediately chose firey and flower to be the winners without a second’s hesitation

“book! come help us catch a criminal!” “no thanks, im good!”

donut tried to punish people for getting the wrong answers when he was hosting, but it turns out a recording of four screeching doesn’t work... quite as well as the real deal

four zapping gelatin

ok ok ok this is insanely long but please add more if u have any favorites i missed

#honorable mention is 'pen island all caps no spaces' #its so stupid and i lose it every single time #and the reanimated 1a and 1b map when leafy icy and coiny were on their boat and inexplicably dressed as pirates #its the CUTEST Thing and i think about it a lot #bfdi #long post #o

[autisticmob]

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference?? 

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with. 

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.” 

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway. 

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!! 

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that! 

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week. 

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications. 

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind. 

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day. 

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE. 

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine. 

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

#words #top surgery #breast reduction #info post #again yall lemme know if you have questions abt anything i didnt cover here i tried to hit all my bases but u never know #teat yeet

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[gendrie]

arya + northerners

Back at Winterfell, they had eaten in the Great Hall almost half the time. Her father used to say that a lord needed to eat with his men, if he hoped to keep them. "Know the men who follow you," she heard him tell Robb once, "and let them know you. Don't ask your men to die for a stranger." At Winterfell, he always had an extra seat set at his own table, and every day a different man would be asked to join him. One night it would be Vayon Poole, and the talk would be coppers and bread stores and servants. The next time it would be Mikken, and her father would listen to him go on about armor and swords and how hot a forge should be and the best way to temper steel. Another day it might be Hullen with his endless horse talk, or Septon Chayle from the library, or Jory, or Ser Rodrik, or even Old Nan with her stories.

Arya had loved nothing better than to sit at her father's table and listen to them talk. She had loved listening to the men on the benches too; to freeriders tough as leather, courtly knights and bold young squires, grizzled old men-at-arms. She used to throw snowballs at them and help them steal pies from the kitchen. Their wives gave her scones and she invented names for their babies and played monsters-and-maidens and hide-the-treasure and come-into-my-castle with their children. Fat Tom used to call her "Arya Underfoot," because he said that was where she always was. She'd liked that a lot better than "Arya Horseface." (AGOT)

arya underfoot is one of the most important names for arya. she goes through numerous personas and identities but this is one of the first. and unlike most of the others it doesn’t chip away at arya’s sense of self. arya underfoot embraces arya’s true identity. it was given to arya by the smallfolk of winterfell, specifically her father’s men, but even jon and theon think of her as such. they gave her this nickname because she was always so close to them, literally underfoot. she would play, befriend, and socialize with all of her people. regardless of birth or rank or job. arya valued their existence which is more than most highborns who see them as disposable things.  

and while arya hasn’t been in the north for years her connection to it’s people has never diminished. arya often remembers the ones she loved from winterfell and even crosses paths with some northern characters both new and old

"We're going to sail on a galley. It will be an adventure, and then we'll be with Bran and Robb again, and Old Nan and Hodor and the rest." (AGOT) 

arya groups hodor and old nan with her brothers showing the close relationship they had. she wanted to see them again as much as her own family. it didn’t matter to arya that they weren’t highborn. it didn’t matter to arya that hodor was a simple stableboy either. he was a friend of arya’s. in the house of black and white arya “smells” hodor laughing from their magic candles that are meant to comfort those who visit their temple. 

If I had wings I could fly back to Winterfell and see for myself. And if it was true, I'd just fly away, fly up past the moon and the shining stars, and see all the things in Old Nan's stories, dragons and sea monsters and the Titan of Braavos, and maybe I wouldn't ever fly back unless I wanted to. (ACOK)

arya often thinks of old nan during her travels. since she’s often living them. as she encounters haunted castles, monsters of all kinds and the titan of braavos. arya uses the stories she heard from nan at winterfell to help guide her through a dangerous world. arya even uses nan’s name as one of her aliases. and arya’s direwolf is named after nymeria from the songs which she no doubt from winterfells resident storyteller. arya also associates old nan’s stories with needle and therefore they’re a part of arya’s identity. 

“Only the Kingslayer never knew Lord Tywin's plan, and when he heard about his brother's capture he attacked your father in the streets of King's Landing." "I remember," said Arya. "He killed Jory." Jory had always smiled at her, when he wasn't telling her to get from underfoot. (ASOS)

most of the stark children were close to jory since he was the captain of their fathers guard. he was very fond of the children and they him. he was the one who found arya after the trident and convinced her to chase nymeria off, saving the wolf. arya is ashamed of this and jory swears not to tell anyone. he keeps as his word to arya. after his death, arya is very upset, and believes he deserves justice 

He was going to take me home, she thought as they dug the old man's hole. There were too many dead to bury them all, but Yoren at least must have a grave, Arya had insisted. (ACOK) 

maybe not a true northerner but yoren was a man of the night’s watch and thats good enough for me. and for arya too. yoren saved arya at ned’s execution. he tried to bring her home to winterfell too but was killed. for his service arya ensures he has a proper burial. 

"Little cats who howl too loud get drowned in the canals," warned the fair-haired bravo. "Not if they have claws."  “Thank you," Sam told the girl when they were gone. Her knife vanished. (AFFC)

another honorary northerner. arya crosses paths with samwell tarly in braavos. she defends him from a couple of bullies looking for a fight. sam probably wouldve been jumped if not for her intervention. she gives him food too. its very reminiscent, to me, of her father always having his door open for the nights watch. stark tradition and all that.

"Vargo Hoat's come back with prisoners. I saw their badges. There's a Glover, from Deepwood Motte, he's my father's man. The rest too, mostly." All of a sudden, Arya knew why her feet had brought her here. "You have to help me get them out." (ACOK)

arya isn’t the only northerner to be kept prisoner in harrenhal. about a hundred or so northern soldiers end up in the dungeons too. arya uses her final name to trick jaqen h’ghar into freeing them. she felt obligated to help them. as if it were her responsibility to defend those grown men even though she’s just a little girl. she has a deep sense of duty to the northern people. they stage a rebellion and the castle is taken over by the north.

If I tell him I am Arya Stark and command him to stand aside . . . No, she dare not. He was a northman, but not a Winterfell man. He belonged to Roose Bolton. (ACOK)

not all northerners are loyal, though. after the castle switches sides arya becomes roose bolton’s cupbearer. she considers telling him who she is but doesnt. arya recognizes that roose bolton is not a man to be trusted. she wisely makes the distinction between bolton and winterfell men. arya quickly escapes harrenhal and the bolton’s evil clutches. 

Maester Luwin would have helped anyone who came to him, she was certain. (ACOK)

arya remembers her first teacher as being a compassionate individual. she thinks of him when cleaning sandor’s wounds too. he really embodies the emphatic doctor role in her mind. arya compares his teachings to old nan’s when arriving in braavos too. she never forgot about them.

Arya was certain [Hullen] was dead, but when she crept closer, his eyes opened. "Arya Underfoot," he whispered. "You must … warn your … your lord father …" (AGOT) 

His eyes went wide, "Gods be good," he said in a choked voice. "Arya Underfoot? Lem, let go of her." "She broke my nose." Lem dumped her unceremoniously to the floor. "Who in seven hells is she supposed to be?"  "The Hand's daughter." Harwin went to one knee before her. "Arya Stark, of Winterfell." (ASOS)

father and son both use arya underfoot. they were both ned’s men and try to do their best by arya. even hullen as he’s dying. arya was the one to trip over all the bodies of her father’s fallen men. later she is reunited with harwin. to arya’s disappointment his loyalties are to the lightening lord, first, and not her family. she tries to understand but with her losing so many people it stings. however, harwin is once again by a starks side with lady stoneheart. 

Wolves, she thought again. Like me. Was this her pack? How could they be Robb's men? She wanted to hit them. She wanted to hurt them. She wanted to cry. They all seemed to be looking at her, the living and the dead alike. The old man had squeezed three fingers out between the bars. "Water," he said, "water." (ASOS)

this is another difficult realization for arya. at the stoney sept she encounters northern soldiers in crow cages for their crimes of rape and murder. arya hates these men for what they’ve done. they’re dishonorable in the worst way and she wants to hurt them. but instead she shows them mercy. arya pours water over the dying men. she shows them a last moment of compassion before watching as they’re killed. arya doesn’t excuse their actions even if they’re difficult to accept. she’s seen the worst of war, every side of it.

But the wolves insisted; Roose Bolton could not be suffered to hold Winterfell, and the Ned's girl must be rescued from the clutches of his bastard. So said Morgan Liddle, Brandon Norrey, Big Bucket Wull, the Flints, even the She-Bear. (ADWD)

who knows how many of these men even met arya but its fitting, thematically, that she would be the one the north is currently rallying for. since its arya who has fought for them. as previously mentioned she freed the northern soldiers from harrenhal and gave mercy to those in the riverlands. in adwd we see they’re ready to do the same for her. the men make it clear they’ll die fighting for the ned’s girl. 

Needle was Winterfell's grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan's stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. (AFFC)

i don’t think any other pov is as close to the smallfolk as arya. she didn’t just befriend them. she became them. she lived among them and suffered like they did. throughout her journey she meets people from all walks of life but its the people of the north who are the most important. they’re a fundamental piece of arya’s identity. winterfell was so much more than a castle to arya. it was a home and not just for arya and her family but the smallfolk too. needle was wintefell’s grey walls.......and the laughter of it’s people. 

#apparently this is gonna be an ongoing series lol #arya + everything #theres plenty of other northerners too like fat tom and alyn and desmond #but i stuck to the big ones #asoiaf nonsense

[fabrowrites]

Skyward Chapter 4: Take a Breath of Myth and Mystery

Chapter 3

'We've waited for Cole long enough. I say we go on ourselves.'

Of course, Zane couldn't actually understand the dragon, but he had a feeling his interpretations were accurate. Again he studied the dragon's posture, trying to decipher the various tells of his body language.

"You believe we should move on?" He was rewarded with a fervent nod. The dragon's wings were twitching. Hmm, impatience? He added it to his ever-growing list.

The sky was lightening through the trees, streaks of pale orange coloring the deep blue. The soft twittering of birds merely accented the hushed spell cast over the forest.

So the bellow that shattered the stillness was jarring. Zane whipped around, heartbeat fluttering erratically. Movement caught his eye. He perceived a flash, and then the forest fell dark and silent once more. We must have been closer to the road than I thought, he absently noted. A tap on his shoulder sent his pulse spiking again.

"Jay?" The lightning dragon looked repentant, his wings drooping. "Sorry, you startled me, that's all."

He nodded, wings lifting again as he clawed away fallen needles.

THAT WAS COLE ID RECOGNIZE HIS SCREAM ANYWHERE

"Are you sure?"

The dragon gave him a look, but it was enough to assure Zane. Jay tended to babble when he was doubtful or lying. But that led to another question. Why would Cole turn into a dragon? While he thought, he started towards the road.

The sight that greeted his eyes was one he'd seen before, right before the skeletons vanished to the Underworld. A wrecked vehicle, deep tread marks imprinted into the damp earth. Only this time, there were no tracks leading away from the crash site. He frowned.

"Jay, how did you transform?"

The dragon went to write, but he froze in his movements.

I SPINJITZUED

The pieces clicked together. Zane pursed his lips, feeling a headache coming on.

"And you didn't think to alert me or Cole of that fact?"

I WAS EXCITED OKAY

There was no use in dwelling on the past. Zane focused himself on what was ahead: namely, the temple. "What's done is done. We need to continue to the Fire Temple. Cole will know where to find us."

The temple was a black mass against the morning sky. Low growls echoed from the volcano. As Zane drew near, he picked up the sounds of scratching as well. He turned to Jay.

"I sense that another member of our party might be in your situation."

Jay nodded. He tilted his head back and screeched. His call sounded more like a bird's than anything else, and Zane didn't understand why Cole had been afraid of it. Then again, he didn't understand much about other humans in general.

Thus, why he'd taken to studying body language.

The scratching stopped. There was another call from inside -this one slightly deeper and more throatier- and Jay's ears perked.

ITS KAI

That much was obvious, but Zane decided not to say anything. "How do we reach him?" he asked instead.

Jay and Kai exchanged several more remarks.

HE SAYS THE DOOR IS BLOCKED AND THE ONLY OTHER WAY OUT IS TO FALL DOWN A LAVAFALL

They needed a way in, not a way out. Zane frowned. How does one enter a volcano?

"Jay? Would you ask him if he is able to see any gaps that might lead into a tunnel?"

Evidently, Kai could hear him. The fire ninja's reply came before Jay could ask.

HE CAN

Zane studied the volcano. He had an idea, but he would need to make some adjustments before it would work.

"So you're saying that you've been training as a secret ninja warrior for the past few months, learning an ancient martial art that just so happens to have the side effect of turning you into a dragon?"

Well when you put it that way… Kai snorted, but nodded his head regardless. He perched beside the magma pools, surrounded by the kanji scratches littering the floor and walls. It had taken some thinking to get his sister to trust him, but after he thought to write out his words communication was much simpler.

YEAH BASICALLY

Nya sighed. "Honestly, Kai."

I DIDNT MEAN FOR THE DRAGON PART TO HAPPEN

"You never mean for things to happen!"

THATS TRUE

Nya said something else, but her words were drowned out by the cry from outside. Kai whipped his head around, automatically twisting it to triangulate the sounds. Was that… Jay?

"Kai? Are you in there?"

It was! Kai scrambled to his feet. He bolted towards the temple entrance, skidding to a stop just short of crashing into the rocks.

"Jay! I'm here!"

"Kai? Where are you going? What's that?"

Kai didn't have the time to stop and scratch out a reply. Jay was speaking again, and it took all his concentration to make out the words.

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm a dragon! And you're a dragon too! I finally have someone else who can actually understand me! Wait, how do I get in? I might be too big for the door!"

"Doesn't matter anyways, the door is blocked." Kai groaned, slouching against the wall.

"Is there any other way in?"

"Well, Sensei said there were other ways. That was right before he tumbled over the edge of a river of lava."

"What? Sensei fell into lava? Is he dead? Ohmygosh, he's dead!"

"He's not dead!" Kai said, before Jay could work himself up into even more of a frenzy. "He knew what he was doing. He was on a rock."

"A rock. That's not the most reassuring, Kai!"

"Well sorry!"

There was a pause, and Kai became aware of a second voice from outside.

"Jay? Would you ask him if he is able to see any gaps that might lead into a tunnel?"

Kai glanded around the cavern. Indeed, there were many cracks and dips in the volcano's walls. Some of them looked deep enough to lead outside.

"I can!"

Things feel silent then. Kai turned back to Nya, who watched him with a befuddled expression.

ITS MY TEAMMATES

A look of understanding passed over her face. "They're dragons too?"

I GUESS

Scraping noises came from the walls, followed by the sounds of tapping claws and hissed groans. Then two creatures tumbled into the cavern. They were dusted with a fine red powder. The blue one shook the color off himself and Kai took the opertunity to study his teammates.

The blue one was bigger than him, but that wasn't saying much. Jay only stood a head or two higher than Nya, and Kai himself was nearly on eye level with her. The white one- Zane- was even smaller than Kai, about half a head shorter. Someone was conspicuously absent, however.

"Where's Cole?"

"He, uh, hewenttotheunderworld."

"What Jay means to say is that Cole was unaware that spinjitzuing led to transformation. He attacked skeleton warriors and vanished to the Underworld."

A sickening sense of dread settled in Kai's stomach. First Sensei Wu, and now Cole? "We have to go and rescue them!"

"And how exactly do you plan on doing that? Last I checked, we couldn't even fly-"

"I can, sorta."

"What?"

Kai shrugged. "I can glide across the pools, at least." He took a step back, pushed off, and waited for the thermal updrafts to carry him across the chamber. "Once I'm actually in the air, it's like my body instinctively knows what to do."

"Woah, that's so cool! I wanna try."

Jay's takeoff was shaky, but as soon as he caught the updrafts it was like he was a whole new dragon. He was great all the way up until the landing when he crashed into the wall.

There was a tap at Kai's shoulder. He tuned out Jay's happy chatter and focused on his sister.

"What's the matter?" Nya asked.

Kai had to hand it to her. He couldn't think of anyone else who could be so calm when surrounded by dragons, even if said dragons were your brother and his friends.

WE NEED TO GET TO UNDERWORLD TO SAVE FRIENDS

"Woah, that's your sister?" Jay had come back around the magma pools.

Kai snarled. "Jay!" He whacked him with his tail.

"Aren't dragons able to pass between realms?" Nya said, studiously ignoring the chaos around her.

"She's right," Zane said. "In the legends, dragons were not of one world and therefore could dwell in both of them."

It felt like the temperatures had plummeted. Kai knew the legends, of course. Dragons were hunted for their magical powers and the honor and riches beyond imagining that came with felling one.

Kai had grown up on these stories, often cheering on the valiant warrior who slew the beast. Not he felt sick. Were those dragons people once, too? Was his destiny like theirs, to die at the hands of an unrespectful hunter?

Nya brought him out of his daze. "Kai? Kai! Are you okay?"

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe! He opened his mouth and coughed, each breath warming his throat. Then it was like his body was back to normal, the ache in his chest gone.

IM OKAY

Nya gave him a look.

IM FINE NOW

Honestly, he was! Kai turned to the other two dragons, ignoring their concern. "I think the smoke's affecting my lungs," he said.

Zane didn't press, but Kai thought that he didn't believe him. The white dragon exhaled.

"If speed is the key to entering the Underworld, then we will need to fly."

Chapter 5

#skyward #ninjago #ninjago fic #ninja crew

[vsirin]

@nickygrimms tagged me to do the 92 truths game so!!! thank u!

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST…

1. Drink: water (thats all i drink tbh)

2. Phone call: it’s been Weeks but probably the library

3. Text message: i texted my sister abt the sims

4. Song you listened to: kiwi by harry styles 

5. Time you cried: i was close to crying on sunday but i didnt... i think i cried some time last week about 1) michael and 2) flinthamilton reunion

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: ive never dated someone ONCE lol

7. Been cheated on: nope

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: cant regret it if u never do it B)

9. Lost someone special: yea

10. Been depressed: a little bit? 

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS

foresty green, yellow (like the van gogh sunflower shade of yellow), and maroon

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15. Made new friends: yep!! 

16. Fallen out of love: no

17. Laughed until you cried: yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you: idt so?

19. Met someone who changed you: yes i think every friend changes my life bc im so grateful to have friends

20. Found out who your true friends are: yes

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i have 2 fb friends and no i have not kissed either of them

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life? 1 (hey thats half of them though!)

23. Do you have any pets?: yea 3 dogs

24. Do you want to change your name?: yeaaah it’s a Struggle bc i dont like it but its my Name and i feel stupid trying to go by smth else? idk :/

25. What did you do for your last birthday? ummmm i went to a used bookstore and treated myself to half of inxs’s albums.. then i think i got taco bell for lunch? and ate spaghetti for dinner. AND played mass effect andromeda for the first time

26. What time did you wake up? YIKES today is a bad day to ask lol i think i wasnt up until 12:45 or later... 

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? drivin home :// rip

28. Name something you cannot wait for: like in the big scheme of things, i cant wait to learn the Skills necessary for my dream job so i can make video games for a living

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: i see her right now

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i mean there are things i wish were different but more in a “i’ll accomplish these things one day” and not just “i want to change this now” ??? idk 

31. What are you listening to right now: a compilation of kirk pengilly’s sax solos

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: 1) the fact i have to pee and im not getting up to go and 2) i need to draw and i WANT to draw and yet... 

34. Most visited website: probably twitter bc i always go on there n talk 

35. Elementary: yes

36. High school: yes

37. College/university: no... bc of $$$

38. Hair color: brown

39. Long hair or short: it’s like shoulder length rn but i want it long again so 

40. Do you have a crush on someone: not IRL 

41. What do you like about yourself: physically i love my nose which i used to hate a LOT but not anymore, i like my eyes and how many freckles i have, and then not-physically i like that i’m a nice and soft person and i’m emotional and sensitive and i think thats nice plus i think i have Cool taste in movies and music and things

42. Piercings: no i am so scared of needles and it’ll never happen

43. Blood type: how tf should i know

44. Nickname: none rlly? i want a nickname tho someone give me one

45. Relationship status: single but Actually luke arnold is my Boyfrend so 

46. Zodiac sign: taurus

47. Pronous: she/her but im not... idk im chill

48. Favorite TV show: black sails!! but i also love battlestar galactica a LOT and chuck is one of my favs too.. i could go on but this only asked for fav and not top 5 lol

49. Tattoos: none bc... im scared of needles.. and i’ll probably never get one lol i’m a weenie 

50. Right or left hand: right

FIRST…

51. Surgery: ive never had one

52. Piercings: none

54. Sport: um?? ive never really Done a sport like i’ve never been on a team or anything. but i did a lot of biking and i was a hardcore jump-roper when i was little

55. Vacation: the beach!!

56. Pair of trainers: “what is this asking lol” same nour

57. Eating: im not currently eating anything

58. Drinking: water

59. I’m about to: go through all the tabs i have open RIP

60. Listening to: various inxs songs, i just finished learn to smile and now im listening to we are thrown together

61. Waiting for: hmmm... breakfast tmm... tomorrow in general bc im gonna Do things... my beach vacation later this summer... im always waiting for when i achieve my Ultimate Goal of making video games but that sort of implies im not doing anything abt it and thats not tru

62. Want: some food... some potatoes... i want to start some more hobbies like embroidery, gardening, and yoga maybe?? and i want to be able to do handstands and splits so i wanna do more stretching and what not.. i want lots of things but not in a whiny/im not trying to achieve these goals type of way if that makes sense

63. Get married: i mean maybe... like the concept is cute... when i look at my Favs (read: luke) i’m like “yeah i would marry them in a heartbeat” but irl i just dont know we’ll see.. im a Romantic type of person (despite being aromantic lol) but for me i need just a Soul Connection w/ someone and if it’s not in a marriage type of way then thats okay? idk man

64. Career: oh i know this one!!! video game programmer!!! 

YOUR TYPE…

65. Hugs or kisses: ???? how can i answer this??? if i loved someone i would want hugs AND kisses?? but yeah hugs probably

66. Lips or eyes: ugh this is so hard i dont know??? bc w/ ppl i like i always appreciate all their features so much... i dont know which i prefer.. but to answer the question i guess i’ll go w/ eyes 

67. Taller or shorter: taller

68. Older or younger: older than me or at least born the same year idk im always younger than my friends and it’s weird to be older than ppl

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach... i like a soft tummy but like idk arms are just arms yknow... 

71. Sensitive or loud: 100% sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hm... i would say hesitant bc i am but then i dont know, balance /is/ key right... can i just say like “reasonable” instead of an extreme lol

HAVE YOUR EVER… (these are all gonna be no’s lol)

74. Kissed a stranger: no

75. Drank hard liquor: no

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no

77. Turned someone down: i mean not really? 

78. Sex on the first date: no

79. Broken someone’s heart: no

80. Had your heart broken: every episode of black sails broke my heart so yeah

81. Been arrested: no

82. Cried when someone died: who doesnt cry when someone dies lol yes

83. Fallen for a friend: i dont Know what romantic feelings are so how would i know

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84. Yourself: yep

85. Miracles: yes

86. Love at first sight: like i know it’s not Really but hey why not i think it’s a cute idea ,,, i think u can get Vibes from people and u can be attracted to their vibe yknow 

87. Santa Claus: no

88. Kiss on the first date: sure

89. Angels: yes

OTHER…

90. Current best friend’s names: trina & alyssa (and u nour!!) 

91. Eye color: blue

92: Favorite movie: jurassic park!!!! bc of bby joe mazzello and it’s just a good movie. and also my fav but in a different way is catch me if you can... and i’m having a hard time not saying the great gatsby too AND rush bc 1) chris hemsworth and 2) race cars!!! and 3) i love niki lauda and daniel bruhl’s accent in it is so good... also one more is snowpiercer, it would be my top fav except that it’s so heavy and i have to be in a super specific vibe to watch it... anyway those are my favs sort of in order

and i’ll tag the same ppl i always tag to do this: @punkrockaries @ageofthesith @fignewmans 

#personal #this was lots of fun! thank u for tagging me nour :*

[eternallybroken7604-blog]

We have been up for 2 days. I accepted years ago that this has to be part of my life. He's a package deal. But I am so tired. I do it with him. Idk y. I don't enjoy it most times. But I'm also afraid and to sleep while he's up. I learned not to the hard way.... A part of me wants my life back. My before life. But I know it will be the fight of my life. And I'm not ready. I sometimes tell myself that this was God's plan. I believe that each of us have at least one person that they are mentally to impact in some way and set in motion a positive path. Or bring a lost soul to God. God made me strong and brought me this man. He had to put me thru it to equip me to be wha this man needs. Maybe I'm the only one capable of sticking this journey out with him and bringing him out other side with me. That's why my addiction is so odd. My husband gets locked up from time to time, and when he's gone, I don't do any dope, I smoke my weed. But with the dope, he does my shots, from start to finish. He twirls the bowl. I don't want to know how. I tried once, he got arrested at the end of an 8 month horrendous, traumatizing bender. Suddenly my person is gone and I've been up for weeks. I tried to do it myself. I had the audacity to tell him about it at visitation, because he has always hated doing my shots. He feels enough guilt over where my life is and where it was. He's scared that bnb if I die, he will go to prison. So I always take sure my prints are on it too. He's not ready to even see that he needs to change. I can see that it weighs on him sometimes. And he will want to do better. But then he has no way to stop the guilt, the pain, self hatred. The high and associated relief are his constant and a very erratic life. I'm aware of all this and more. I'm aware I could be completely wrong and he really is just a piece of shit junkiethat destroy a family by joining it. I can't even fault him for that. My kids adored him. And he them. He had a family finally. He was know where near ready to be a step dad. But he gave it an honest try. Then again maybe I just rrwa lly ne ed there to be a greater purpose beh9nd all this, losing my babies, my self respect, my family. Everything.

I can't hate him for being selfish and out for number one, it's all his life has really ever been. I can see what drives everything about h, I study him cause I have never met someone that level of addicted. I cant explain why his thought processes fascinate me, I have to study them til I understand them. Which is hard to do because it's so complex and I'm juggling moneyissues, homelessness, the hustle, him in general, and the dope. The more I learn him, the more pity I feel and I cant leave. I love him to a fault, but I am not ready to abandon him to his demons. He won't survive it with any sort of sanity. He would argue with me on that but it's the one thing I believe with no doubt, he does need me. I think he knows it deep down. He knows I'm 100% on his side. Even if he dont like how at times. He knows I'm real. Even if he tells u I'm not. It's like his pride and years of telling me in so inferior refuse to allow him to recognize anyachievements, no matter the size. I know this but I forget every time we fight, cause it's his defense mechanism with me, it's about the only thing that works. He will reach I to the depths of cruelty and verbally destroy me. He knows what hurts me too. He has left scars that will never go away. I will never forget his eyes and voices and the feeling of my own pain at things he has said. My first husband beat me, that's not how u hurt me. The act of being able to hurt me, that really hurts. My now husband has gotten physical a few times. I cant hate him for it long because I see how much he hates himself for it. But that pride tho, he wont apologize verbally, but he will show me best he can that he's sorry. He knows I deserve better. He went thru a phase where all the blame was put on me for not leaving when it first started, woth the dope and us losing the kids. I tell myself I pushed him too far. It's no excuse I know. But I know how much weighs on him daily, and when substances are u introduced, well I am the embodiment of a large portion of his pain and stress and guilt. I forgive him because I know he's not mentally able to deal with all that and day to day life without help. To stubborn to ever agree with me but I just k ow I'm right. Cant explain that but it's never led me wrong. I shoulder as much as he will let me. And getting high and drunk and my mouth can sometimes push him too far, exacerbates things.

I knew he was a 'recovering' addict when we met. But he only smoked weed when I met him. I thought all that was his past. I didn't mind weed. I didn't personally smoke when we met. I was a divorced mom to 3. We were all finally happy and stable after my horror of an ex-husband. Idk y I fell in love with this man. But I did. He was my first serious relationship in the 2 years since. I never even missed sex, I wasn't lonely. I didn't miss that kind of love until...I was reminded.

8 mos later, we have a place together with my kids. Then a neighbor moved and offered my husband dope. He hid it for a little bit. But I picked up on his different behaviors and made him tell me. Then I wanted to smoke some too. I'd heard of Meth. But I grew up very sheltered by a pill head. I didnt know that when this gorgeous man told me he used to be an addict that he meant thousands of dollars and many hears of hardcore IV drug use. Herion, bar salts. His drug of choice was simply, more. He named his addiction Maria. He needed that relief so badly that once he discovered its power to 'fix' things, he personified his addiction. Maria has been his stability. Shes lways there when everyone else let's him dow. I can understand the desire not to feel. So badly u wanna die. But I was raised different. U can be weak, but dont stay weak. .

But by the time I realized that he didn't recover from his addictions, he fled his former home state and had no access to those things here. He was big on the run big ti.e qhen we met. Hes a hardened city boy. I'm a small town countrygirl. He let me smoke with him. A week later, hes got a needle. I have never seen a pill snorted. I wanted him to let watch him and he did. Seeing the man I love so in thrall to drugs, it broke my heart for him. Women pray to God to see a man look at them with that look. His addiction borders worship. As I write this we are also high with a few friends, he just finished fixing his shot and has decided to ask them to film him. I cant keep going. Thats bothers.me and ill to tore up now to try to figure out my feelings. So I'll wrap this up. My emotions are going every where and I really hate him like this. I hope he watches his video and hates himself. I love him and wint leave him to feel all that guiltalone, that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to feel most of it. God knows I feel my fair share. I promise myself one thing, I will not live like this forever. I'll keep looking for my way out. I'll keep praying for strength to leave. Or for God to open his eyes. I know better than to preach too much at him. He usually shuts down as soon. as he realizes what I'm saying. But I still try. He doesn't know it yet, cause he has never felt it before, but I love him enough for this. I will win this fight. Even if he hates.me in the end. (Forgove any typos, I'm intoxicated and when I get adamant about a topic, I type too fast)

[itcowcer]

Subject: Pumpkin Patch

Subject: Pumpkin Patch

Paul Holland [email protected] 2:05 AM (6 hours ago) to Mark

Heeeeey Mark!

So I know it's been a while, and I wanted to give you a quick heads-up on what’s going on and why I haven’t sent any drafts in recent history. Let's be real, it’s been months. But I want you to know that I haven't just been laying around over here, and that I do have something planned to give to you. It's just not ready yet. Sorry :( Now I'm not trying to tease you; I've hit a wall. What I do have is a bunch of source materials which (I hope) will prove to you that I'm building something, potentially pretty big, for my next novel. That's Right!!!! I've been researching Mark!!!! Who would've thought I knew how. Anyways, I thought this might tide you over until the rough draft or, at the most, spur you to send some seed money..... ;) You will find the sources in the subsequent attachments to this email. I think they kind of speak for themselves, but if you need me to elaborate on what I'm thinking just shoot me a message and I will give you deets.

Pleasure as always [?]

Paul

Paul Holland [email protected] 2:56 AM (5 hours ago) to Mark

Whoops! I forgot to attach the sources in that last message. Oh well, I will take better care to attach them this time. I figure I should go ahead and let you know what's going through my head right now, just so we are on the same page. First off, all of this is real. All of this stuff has apparently occurred or is currently occurring, and I've been able to pick up more bits and pieces the longer I've stayed in town (hence the long turn around). Where am I? I don't particularly want to tell you. For that reason I've redacted some information which might clue you into my whereabouts. I'm sure with a certain amount of cyber- sleuthing you'd be able to pinpoint my location, as some of the major points I just cannot change. However by that point I figure it will be too much work for you anyways. DO NOT COME AFTER ME! This story is too good for me to pass up on. I'm only messaging you as a courtesy, and to let you know that I haven't forgotten the money I owe you. I will hopefully be able to pay you back with this novel's completion.

Now onto content. I found this story, of all places, in the newspaper. Yeah it was this grotesque murder which had all of the city community in a hubbub. It was strange too, like ritualistic and such. I've included the short blurb I found in the newspaper, it should be the 3rd attachment. Of course I saved it. I wasn't sure where to go next with my writing and everyone loves true crime or at least a good murder mystery. Then, in the next week, I saw a couple other odd articles (I have attached them as well). One is a letter of resignation from one of the news paper's journalists, due to some kind of journalist ethical concern. Apparently he hasn’t been heard of since. Like completely disappeared. For some reason I was sure that the initial murder, and the later disappearance were related, though I couldn't figure how.

This forced me to dig a little further and I think what I found is captivating at least. Even if I'm grasping at straws I think it tells a compelling narrative, and might sell. I found a small interview, written by the Journalist that disappeared, in regards to a cultural movement within the city. As it turns out this place has a long history of creepy shit, like underground slave prisons, civil war ghosts, a history of catastrophic fires, train accidents, macabre poets, dilapidated asylums turned apartment complexes, and even a vampire legend. No kidding! The guy is entombed down at this old cemetery that overlooks the river. Well the interview is with a member of this group of artists, all of whom were trying to keep this inherent creepiness a part of the city's culture. Though she went by a code name, as all members of Pumpkin Patch do to remain anonymous (in this case kittykat666(=^.^=). I believed that she was the victim in the murder. Having contacted the victim’s parents, I asked if they knew anything about the group Pumpkin Patch. Only the mother would respond, with an invitation to meet with her. Though the meeting was brief, she gave me a series of her daughter's journal entries, a forwarded set of emails between her and her daughter on the topic, and permission to use these things in publishing my next book, so long as I didn't use her daughter's name.

 The first attachment is the newspaper interview with kittykat666(=^.^=) It describes really well what the group is about, and how it operates, and it shows you where I'm leaning for main characters (the girl and the journalist). I think it introduces everything well. The second is the girl's journal entries (at least the ones I've deemed relevant). All of these pertain to Pumpkin Patch and they really get you to see who this poor girl was and how she got sucked into this whole mess. The next attachment is the first article blurb I found, the one that describes the murder. The fourth attachment is the letter of resignation from the journalist who interviewed “Kat”. I figure I will just forward those emails that the mother sent to me. There aren't many of them, however there is some character building stuff there. You can see the loving family “Kat” and her mother had before. They also show how the two found Pumpkin Patch. Sorry in advance, the mother has no clue of grammar. I have also included one last attachment, which is unnerving and chilling when you understand how the group finds its inspiration. It's a series of screen shots I took from the group’s auction site. Here, they post a bunch of their work for buyers. They had just posted a new auction when I checked out the site page. Pay attention to the groups shared theme in the artwork.

Whew! That was a lot for an email! Let me know what you think! Paul

Paul Holland [email protected] 2:59 AM (5 hours ago) to Mark

-_____-

Paul

Attachment 1, Attachment 2, Attachment 3, Attachment 4, Attachment 5 

 Paul Holland [email protected] 3:08 AM (5 hours ago) to Mark

Weird. Someone just rang the door bell to my apartment. I went to go check and no one was there. I'm a little unnerved, especially given what I've just sent you (that subject matter which is still fresh in my mind). I'm not entirely sure it's nothing, but realistically it’s probably nothing so I'm going to get these emails to you and then cool off. Here you go,

Paul

forwarded message

From: [************] To: [email protected] Cc: Sent: [, * *** **** ::**] Subject: opportunities ;)

Hey Kit Kat i hope everything is going better. i know that finding friends can be rough in college but im sure there are a ton of great clubs over there. Just get off your little butt and look!!!! :p only teasing. Also your father should be put that money back into ur college fund. Evidently he needed to buy his new gal pal a car lol. The man's no good! Either way i will make sure everything is all set, u just worry about school work and meeting people and HAVING FUN!!! Let me know if you need anything, im just a phone call away!!!

Love, Mom

. . .

Resp:opportunities ;)

Thanks Mom. Everything is fine, I was just a little worried because the tuition bill is overdue and it needs to be paid in order for me to sign up for classes next semester. He's buying her a CAR!!!!! SMH! SMDH! But my classes are going well. I actually turned in my first couple of paintings and the professor really liked them. He told me I thought out of the box, already had a unique style, and that I should keep pushing myself. He said that I might run into trouble when we start doing other forms, but that he'd help me if I need it. I thought that the class wouldn't like my work or be weirded out, but all in all I got good responses and helpful critiques. Some people in my class invited me to hangout, idk I might go.

. . .

Resp:resp:opportunities ;)

Oh kitty thats great! im glad your classes are going well. And you should SPEND TIME WITH THOSE CLASSMATES!!! Jeeesh!!! Also i am not sure what SMH stands for. i tried to think but cant. :( i did some looking because i knew u wouldnt and i found a club that you might enjoy. They are artists in the area who have auction events, have group meetings and they seem to do a lot in the area. it might be the kind of thing to set u on an art career, if thats what u want to do. i just happened to hear about them and i looked up their site. A lot of their work looks right up ur alley! There is a submission section on their page, and maybe u can send in some of you drawings? i was surprised by how much they were selling for, and i think a lot of ur work is better. I will send you the link. There called the Pumpkin Patch. Thats kinda cute!

Love ya! Mom

. . .

Resp:resp:resp:opportunities ;)

Yeah I'll look it up and send something in. I'll also try hanging out with my class, I'm not sure what we will be doing. Thank you for everything. Love you Too! P.s. SMH is Shaking My Head.

forwarded message

From: [************] To: [email protected] Cc: Sent: [, * *** **** ::**] Subject: Pumpkin Patch

Remember that group you were talking about? Pumpkin Patch. I submitted one of my works and it got accepted. I think you'd remember the one, it had that spider made out of sewing needles and thimbles, strung up in a wire web, the one that I got an award for in school. The group admin sent me an email and wanted to know why I wanted to join the group so I kinda bullshitted an answer and I guess they liked it. I'm supposed to go to a meeting with them, however I have to wear a mask and create an artist name which is kind of weird. I guess they want all the artists to be anonymous even to each other. I told them that that made me uncomfortable, but they assured me that the meeting will be on campus. I'm going to see what it is and drop it if its too sketch. I guess most meetings are online, but bimonthly meetings are in person.

. . .

Resp:Pumpkin Patch

Kit Kat. Idk this sounds a little scary. i wish i had known all that before i sent you the link. Be careful there are a lot of weirdos out there and i dont want u to get hurt. u are a grown women and i hope you will use you best discretion. There is always your classmates, and maybe starting a group with them would be better for you. How did that go with them? I expect you to call me soon.

Be safe, Mom

. . .

Resp:resp:Pumpkin Patch

Please don't freak out but I ended up going to that meeting. It was cool though. We kind of just sat around, discussing what the next theme will be, what scary movies we like that kind of thing. We also planned a little get together at a museum. There are a couple other girls there so I think it's fine. I kind of know one of the people in the group too, although I'm not supposed to. He was actually one of the guys I hung out with last week. He's not in my art class but he is a year above us so everyone knows him. He sort of let it slip that he was in the Pumpkin Patch when we were all hanging out. He assured me that it wasn't going to be weird and that the mask thing was more like a gimmick than anything else, to make the group interesting. That night with my class was fun too, we just sat around a fire pit talking, eating hot dogs, sharing stories. Somebody had a guitar and they all started singing these old songs. They are a good group. I'm going to spend time with them again.

. . .

Resp:resp:resp:Pumpkin Patch

Well im glad that you had a good time. Just remember to be careful, and that u dont have to do anything u dont want to, and CALL YOUR MOTHER. Also im glad you met some nice people. Is there anyone I should be meeting anytime soon? ;)

Please call, I worry Mom

forwarded message

From: [************] To: [email protected] Cc: Sent: [, * *** **** ::**] Subject: What's Up!!!

Hello Kathryn? Im not sure if you remember me, however im YOUR MOTHER! What's been going on? u haven't called me in a while. I hope you've started thinking about housing for next year. Dont worry about the price its all being paid for by ur father. Also I see that you have another exhibition thingy coming up with your Pumpkin Patch. Im thinking about coming down and rooting u on, seeing as u failed to mention the last one. What do you think?

. . .

Resp:What's Up!!!

Yeah I've been looking at some places. Some friends and I are thinking about getting an apartment together a little off campus. I will let you know what we find. Also that first exhibition wasn't a big thing, and I didn't think you'd want to miss work for it. This next one's not a big deal either and I'm not even going to be there, we aren't supposed to associate with or present our work in order to retain the whole aura of mystery. We can still check it out if you want, we just can't let anyone know that I'm a collaborating artist. Also I can't tell you which work is mine, sorry. :/ We can go to this nice little french restaurant after. I just went there recently with a close friend of mine, it just might be my favorite place in town now :3. Let me know when you're in the area.

forwarded message

From: [************] To: [email protected] Cc: Sent: [, * *** **** ::**] Subject: New Exhibition

Hey Mom, I know that there is another exhibition coming up, however I'd prefer that you didn't come to this one. I had fun last time, it's just that I don't think I'd be comfortable with you being there. Also I've decide to leave the group. I just didn't like where it was going and it didn't feel the same as when we first started. That's part of the reason why this latest exhibition would be no good. Also things are falling through at the apartment so I'm trying to find another one for the rest of the semester. I'll send you the places I've found. So far the rent will only be slightly more expensive. Also my roommates already have someone lined up to sublet so we don't have to worry about paying for two places. I will call you soon, and I love you.

Kat

Mark Gergich [email protected] 7:13 AM (1 hour ago) to Paul

Paul,

I just read through everything you’ve emailed me. The forwards, the attachments... everything. Paul Pick up the phone, let me know where you are, I am concerned. I think you may have stumbled onto something that needs to be taken care of by the police. Please Paul. Do not write this book. Don't worry about debts you think you owe me, I'm not worried about that I just want you to come out of this safely without a target on your back. You need to STOP writing this book.

Your friend and publisher, Mark

Paul Holland [email protected] 8:06 AM (3 Minutes ago) to Mark

Mark,

He says I can’t.

Paul

#pumpkinpatch #PP #itcowcer #writing

[paradox-oflife]

q and a part 6 pls ignore

1. Who was your favourite teacher at school and why? My 9th grade Lit teacher. She was the kindest soul I’ve ever met.

2. Whats your favourite party game? I LOVE MAFIA. I’m not talking about basic mafia. You gotta play upgraded versions. I personally love playing one called One Night Ultimate Werewolf. I also like playing the law version which is made for super big groups - There’s police involved, and they choose the mafia. The person accused can hire lawyers who defend them. The police have to present their reasoning, and the lawyers have to figure out how to prove them wrong. God it’s basically Danganronpa isn’t it.

3. Is it acceptable or unacceptable to smack a child as form of discipline? Now this is controversial, and understandably so.  I personally would never hit my child and yell at them. But for other people, if it’s a light smack, like a pat, I guess it’s alright. But otherwise nothing harder than that.

4. Can a hetrosexual male ever wear pink? Um, yes??? Do what you want man.

5. Is it criminal to wear socks with sandals? Listen I’ve seen too many people wear these in public to the point where I’m numb to it.

6. If you were captain of a ship, what would you call it? Make it an obscure video game reference or an inside joke. 

7. If you were to join an emergency service which would it be? Probably the medical side of things, like an EMT. Or a firefighter. EMT’s go through a lot of pressure.

8. If you were to join one of the armed forced which would it be? Maybe coast guard. But I really would not want to join the military. I’m too sensitive. If people yell at me I’d probably cry lol. And there’s the colorblind test.

9. Whats the worst thing about being your gender? Periods. And the pain of child birth. Also how it’s scary to walk alone at night sometimes.

10. Whats the best thing about being your gender? Of course this doesn’t apply to everyone, but I feel like sometimes the friendships girls have are more emotional than boys.

11. If you swapped genders for a day how would you spend it? Honestly? Just observe my body. Not in a sexual manner but like, how does it feel like to not have boobs? How does it feel to have a dick???

12. If you were exiled what country would you choose as your new home? I’m moving back to New Zealand lol. I already have a passport and family there. Or maybe Canada if I don’t want a big culture difference

13. Have you ever made someone cry? Yeah :( Not through verbal attack though. I accidentally kicked a football into a girl’s face.

14. Have you ever starred in a school play? In the first elementary school I went to, it was mandatory to do a play. So yes. Three, actually.

15. Were you a member of any celebrity fanclub? Nope

16. Have you ever been a member of any other club? Yes! Animal Services and Protection, CSF (volunteering stuff), Martial Arts

17. If you could have a full scholarship to any university what would you choose to study? The university I’m going to rn

18. Whats been your greatest ever day? I have a lot. One of my favorites was going to an amusement park at the end of middle school. Had a blast.

19. What historical period would you like to live in if you could go back in time? Hmm... Maybe during the Age of Enlightment?

20. What would you bring along to an idillic picnic? My friends, no phones, music, and a sandwich.

21. Whats your favourite childrens story? Does Harry Potter count? I guess not really. When i was little I loved Geronimo Stilton LMAO

22. What movie ending really frustrated you? And how would you change it? The Mist. I mean, it frustrated me not because it was bad, but because it was so FRUSTRATING.

23. What three things do you think of most each day? Now we’re in quarantine, “I wonder how my friends are doing?” “What am I doing with my life?” “Will life be the same?”

24. What do you call your evening meal? Dinner Tea or Supper? Dinner

25. What do you call your after meal sweet? Pudding or Dessert? Dessert. I usually just have a fruit

26. If you had a warning label, what would yours say? “Warning! Certified Grade A Clown!”

27. Have you ever got sweet revenge on anyone? Can’t really think of one

28. Have you ever been to a live concert? aaaah no i really want to though

29. Have you ever been to see stand up comedy? It was a long time ago on a cruise. It was pretty funny :D

30. Have you ever needed stitches? Yup. If you observe closely, you can see a faint scar near my eye. If it was a bit more obvious I’d look like an anime villain lol

31. If you could invent brand new baby names what would they be? LMAO imagine naming your child like, Fire Emblem names. “Hi yes this is my baby, um, his name is Chrom”

32. Do your dreams ever tell you to do anything? I have the most bizarre dreams. They’re super vivid. They range from me summoning tornados, to me being killed in some Danganronpa world. I dreamed of a school shooting once and a couple days later some other school in my state had a shooting

33. Who's your favourite radio 1 DJ? I don’t really listen to radio lol

34. Whats the best way to your heart? Be a good person. Have good morals.

35.  Do you know your own mobile phone number off by heart? Um yes??? 

36. If you were a fashion designer, what style of clothing or accessories would you design? Just comfortable hoodies that don’t change when you wash it.

37. Do you ever laugh at things you shouldn't? I laugh when I’m nervous. Like I go like, “hahahawhat the hell”. I also laugh when I’m shocked.

38. Have you ever been in a submarine? Yes! But it wasn’t underwater.

39. Have you ever walked out of a cinema before the film was done? Nope. 

40. What song would you say best sums you up? Eeeh i can’t decide but Read my Mind by the Killers. Their music video. When he’s twitching his arms, but he’s acting like everything’s fine.

41. Do you have any old friends would wish you could meet up with again? Yeah :( I had a super super close friend from 4th grade and we slowly drifted apart. By the time of high school we just stopped. I want to be friends with her again :((( I really miss her

42. Whats your favourite Nursery Rhyme? Idk... ring around a rosy maybe just because the context of the lyrics lol

43. Do you prefer metric or imperial measurements? Of course I’d take metric over imperial, but I’m used to it by now.

44. Who's your favourite monarch of all time?Queen Elizabeth I

45. What was the last thing you ate? These Asian things called Zong Zi in Chinese. I’m pretty sure like every country has their own version of it lol/

46. Whats your favourite farmyard animal? I love baby chickens but cows for me I guess

47. If you could choose one celebrity to be the father/mother of your child who would it be? Just someone who’s caring. Tyler Joseph

48. What would you do if someone proposed to you tomorrow? If it’s someone I like, then I’d freak out. Because I’m way too young for it.

49. What are your 3 favourite internet sites? Reddit, youtube, and uh... tumblr or wikipedia. I use tumblr mobile way often

50. How high can you jump? Never measured but definitely not that high

51. Which fictional character do you wish was real? aw man i would say a character but then that would imply their universe exists

52. Who was your first crush? PHFFT IT WAS probably Marshall Lee from the genderbent episodes of Adventure Time.

53. Whats the greatest thing about being your nationality? The food

54. Whats the least greatest thing about being your nationality? Having to explain the difference between Taiwan and China. Like. It’s understandable.

55. Do you believe in destiny, fate or free will? I kinda correlate destiny with fate. It’s a bit paradoxical. We have free will to do whatever we want, but whatever choice you make will end up being your “destiny”

56. If you could talk to one species of animal which would it be? Dogs. They just seem so happy all the time. I want to tell my dog I love him so much.

57. If you had friends round what DVD's would you have to watch? Mean Girls, Heathers, Legally Blonde, or Daria

58. Do you like vanilla or chocolate? Vanilla>>> fight me

59. Are you a giver or a receiver? Both

60. Do you have any enemies? Yeah. Me.

61. Are you scared of needles? YES YES YES

62. How many piercings do you have? Nah I was going to get my ears pierced a while ago but something came up so ever since I’ve jsut haven’t gotten it done

63. Have you ever got majorly lost trying to get somewhere? yes it was scary. Had to use google maps because I have a terrible sense of direction

64. How fast can you say the alphabet? 4 seconds

65. Do you say "Zee" or "Zed" to describe the letter Z? Zee

66. What was the last thing to make you feel happy? My dog fell asleep at my feet and I couldn’t move for the past hour but I love him

67. What was the last thing to make you feel angry? A friend of mine. I love her and all but she takes a week to respond to my texts. And I’m tired of waiting.

68. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you're fired. Do you save the dog? Okay realistically I immediately call animal control or the nearest vet or something. But in some alternate universe I’d take pictures as proof, grab the dog, then get it out.

69. Are you the kind of friend you'd want to have as a friend yourself? I perceive myself as a not so great person. But my friends perceive me as a good person. So yeah. i mean, I might not text first sometimes but if smoeone texted me I’d always respond asap!

70. Do you have any questions or queries about things you're just to scared or embarrassed to ask anyone about? Do my friends like me as much as I like them? I’m so scared of that

71. If you were a wrestler what would your stage name be? and what would your special move be called? Haha maybe like Paradoxical (yes thats my blizzard tag) I’d do something like a shihonage

72. Whats the most interesting thing you can see out of your nearest window? A cat

73. Do you think Barbie is a negative role model for young girls? There’s a lot of Barbie models out there. I don’t think they’re completely bad. But there’s negative things.

74. Have you ever needed an eye test? Don’t have glasses so no. But I might need some soon at the rate of time i spend on electronics

75. Do you find yourself attractive? No. I’m just. Average.

76. Can you roll your R's? Yes

77. What social class do you consider yourself or your family background to be in? Upper middle class

78. Do you know any magic tricks? I used to but I never execute them well enough to convince anyone lol

79. Whats the largest amount of money you've ever won? I ever won? Probably like, $100 lol

80. Whats the largest amount of money you've spent in one spree? $200, if we’re not talking necessities.

81. Whats the largest amount of money you've had to borrow off of a friend or family member? I don’t borrow money. But the most from a friend was like $20 maybe.

82. Have you ever been on a cable car? Yeah, San Francisco is known for that stuff. But I’ve only been on one like, twice.

83. Do you prefer Honey or Jam? Jam! But I like honey too.

84. Do you prefer the French or Germans? Uuuuh, French?

85. How fast can you get changed? Pretty damn fast, if we’re talking my normal outfit.

86. How fast do you type? Around 98 wpm

87. How fast can you run? I’m a decent sprinter. I got 12 seconds on a 100m dash.

88. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario. But both are cool

89. Whats your favourite biscuit to dunk? (im assuming british biscuit but in that case idk)

90. Which would you rather have if you had to, a broken leg or a broken arm? Arm. I like walking around.

91. Do you read a daily newspaper? Nah

92. Do you watch the news on TV? Sometimes

93. Have you ever had anything published? Nope

94. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really. I mean, Romeo and Juliet, and Frozen has warned us right

95. How many remote controls do you have in your house? Two.

96. Have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna? Yes, and it’s hella

97. Have you ever had chicken pox? Nope. Vaccines rock

98. Do you own a lava lamp? Nah, it seems cool but I’d be too mesmerized by it