#then i started crying thinking about my mom

[brucewaynehater101]

Love all the Tim is secretly Bruce’s dad hc I’ve seen from you.

Ok but do you think Tim ever sits down with his friends and talks about how hard it is parenting Bruce the way other adults talk about their kids?

I wanna see Tim and Anita exchanging tips on how to get the kids to behave while yj is just listening in the all the chaos those two have to be in charge of.

My gods. I can imagine the two of them chatting over zesti poured in fancy glasses (or some other drink to make them feel like gossiping moms) as they discuss the arduous task of being parents. While the other YJ members wouldn't be able to understand Tim and Anita's struggles, they would be sympathetic. If Tim told others outside of YJ about his issues with parenting Bruce, they would probably chalk it up to Tim being dramatic. YJ would believe Tim that he's explaining the situation accurately.

Anita and Tim, due to their parenting struggles, would have one on one meet ups outside of YJ's reunions. The two of them would often text or ask for advice from the other (although parenting toddlers and an adult child is different), but every few months, they make time to sit together in person.

I don't know enough about Anita's character (which is a damn right shame), but I imagine their meet ups would probably look something like this:

Tim sighs as he tilts his head back to peer up at the popcorn ceiling. Exhaustion is evident in his posture, and he almost seems to cry when he starts talking. "How do you stop them from retaliation when you tell them no?"

At the beginning of Tim's complaints, YJ would laugh at the image of Batman, in his terrifying lurking, throwing temper tantrums. Now, after seeing the years of weight managing the grown man has thrown on their friend's shoulders, Anita frowns. Her mind drifts to her own parents and the way Don has sulked for an hour after she refused to take him to the park (it was raining).

"I usually distract them with something else. It works most of the time."

Tim closes his eyes as he takes a calming breath in and out. Recently, Bruce has been hiding the Robin suit because Tim told him that he couldn't patrol with broken ribs.

"I'll see what keeps his attention off of patrol long enough."

Anita nods as her thumb rolls over the lip of her glass. "What about naps? Got any tricks for when he's refusing to sleep?"

Tim snorts as he remembers his convoluted method of inducting sleep. "I take away stressors, interesting cases, and anything else that might grab his attention for more than a few moments. Then I start playing calming music, light a lavender candle, feed him food that makes him sleepy, and place a comfy blanket on him."

While Anita may not resort to all of that, some of it is doable for her parents.

#dc comics #dc universe #tim drake #anita fite #young justice #young just us #thank you for the ask!!!!

[reidfucker]

mitski songs that make me think of reid + a specific lyric

spencer reid is very mitski. but these were the first to come to mind. i do not take criticism.

- working for the knife

honestly, the entire song reminds me of reid, but this in particular:

I always thought the choice was mine

And I was right, but I just chose wrong

I start the day lying and end with the truth

That I'm dying for the knife

- liquid smooth

I'm liquid smooth, come touch me, too

I'm at my highest peak, I'm ripe

About to fall

How I feel this river rushing through my veins

With nowhere else to go, it circles 'round

- class of 2013

Mom, would you wash my back?

This once, and then we can forget

And I'll leave what I'm chasing

For the other girls to pursue

Mom, am I still young?

Can I dream for a few months more?

- i don't smoke

Just don't leave me alone

Wondering where you are

I am stronger than you give me

Credit for

If your hands need to break

More than trinkets in your room

You can lean on my arm

As you break my heart

- abbey

again, the entire song is very reid, but:

I am something

I have been something

I was born something

What could I be?

There is a light that I can see

But only, it seems, when there's darkness in me

There is a dream that I sometimes see

That only appears in the dark of sleep

- i bet on losing dogs

Will you let me, baby, lose

On losing dogs

I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place

By the ring

Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down

I wanna feel it

I bet on losing dogs

I always want you when I'm finally fine

- the deal

Then of course, nothing replied, nothing speaks to you in the night

And I walked my way home, there was no one in sight

Save a bird perched upon a streetlight, watchin' me

So, I stopped and let it watch 'til I found that it said

"Now I'm taken, the night has me

You won't hear me singin'

You're a cage without me

Your pain is eased, but you'll never be free for

Now I'm taken, the night has me"

- fireworks

this is perhaps one of the reid-est. here's the particular lyric:

One morning this sadness will fossilize

And I will forget how to cry

I'll keep going to work and you won't see a change

Save perhaps a slight gray in my eye

I will go jogging routinely

Calmly and rhythmically run

And when I find that a knife's sticking out of my side

I'll pull it out without questioning why

- i don't like my mind

again, the entire song is reid, but this is my pick:

I don't like my mind, I don't like being left alone in a room

With all its opinions about the things that I've done

So, yeah, I blast music loud, and I work myself to the bone

And on an inconvenient Christmas, I eat a cake

- first love / late spring

very cliché, but i HAD to include it! here:

And I was so young when I behaved 25

Yet now, I find I've grown into a tall child

And I don't wanna go home

Let me walk to the top of the big night sky

- there's nothing left for you

You could touch fire

You could fly

It was your right

It was your life

And then it passed

To someone new

It'll keep passin' on

Long after you

- nobody

And I don't want your pity

I just want somebody near me

Guess I'm a coward

I just want to feel alright

- because dreaming costs money, my dear

I once lived in the sea

Bring me to your ear, you can hear

The tide where I used to be

Though now I'm but a shell

- a pearl

Sorry, I don't want your touch

It's not that I don't want you

Sorry, I can't take your touch

It's just that I fell in love with a war

Nobody told me it ended

And it left a pearl in my head

And I roll it around every night

Just to watch it glow

Every night, baby, that's where I go

- real men

Real men keep cool in the face of a fire

Go down with the ship

And real men don't eat

'Cause they're above that, damn it

Oh, I'm gonna be a real man

- crack baby

It's been a long, hard 20 year summer vacation

Both these 20 years tryna fill the void

Crack baby, you don't know what you want

But you know that you had it once

And you know that you want it back

Crack baby, you don't know what you want

But you know that you're needing it

And you know that you need it bad

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #mitski #mitski lyrics #reidfucker

[bunthebreadboy]

OMG!!! A FELLOW AZUTARA SHIPPER!!

Please please please!!! What are your headcanons for this ship??? Like, how do you think they would meet and feel about each other? What would they feel when they realize they have a crush on the other??? And how do they get together???

And how do they navigate their relationship once they get to confess, considering they are both stubborn and that they would butt heads xD

AAAAAAAA, I wanna know all about it!!!

ok ok azutara headcanons GO:

these are not canon compliant cause we know how they meet and feel about each other and all that in canon lol

- azula isn’t evil by any means! yeah she’s a little bit of an asshole (or maybe a lot), but she was also a kid raised in an abusive household. katara on the other hand is a proud, self-proclaimed lovable asshole.

- they’ve been in the same social circle since they’re both kids of world leaders, but they weren’t fond of each other as kids.

- they forget about each other and meet again years later! when they’re adults, because you will never catch me writing an au where they’re 14. in canon, whatever. but i’m more comfortable writing characters closer to my age! you will also never catch me writing smut btw, it also makes me uncomfy.

- also azula has been in therapy since she became a legal adult and she has a good relationship with zuko because of it.

- so let’s say they meet again when they’re in their undergrad. neither of them recognize each other, both of em think of the other as “the smartass girl from my gen psych class”

- katara’s in bio pre-med but is 100% that girl that has three minors and a certificate in something. probably things like sociology, anthropology, women’s studies, etc.

- azula’s a business major. not by choice. i could definitely see her in something like forensic science or chemistry instead.

- anyways, they have a shared gen ed class and both of em are really into it because they both have mommy issues! which is why when they’re forced to work together on a project they decide they hate each other again.

- they realize that they knew each other in childhood when zuko and sokka walk into the water siblings’ shared apartment while katara and azula are fighting over making a powerpoint.

- katara makes an offhand comment about ozai being an asshole and azula just. loses it. bursts out crying. and katara’s there panicking like “oh my god what do i DO”

- katara ends up comforting azula and opens up about her mom to try and make azula feel less alone in the family trauma department. azula thinks she’s a dumbass but in a tsundere way where she secretly respects katara but won’t admit it.

- after that the two of em start hanging out out of class more often and (shocking, i know) enjoying each other’s presence

- katara realizes she has a crush first. it happens when they go to present their project and katara freezes up out of nowhere (which is so out of character for her) and azula immediately picks up her sentence and helps katara get through her part of the presentation

- so disaster bi katara ends up pining for at least a year because azula’s a dumbass who is subzero in flirting skills and completely oblivious

- azula’s also completely unaware that she’s gay as hell

- so azula realizes that she likes women…no not women…katara…at some sort of banquet where azula’s receiving a scholarship or smth and katara starts cheering for her from the audience (azula was tense, katara lightened the mood)

- so azula’s on stage having her gay awakening like “oh my god i’m in love with this dumbass who’s making a scene at this formal event and oh my god…” and as soon as she gets off stage she grabs katara’s hand and pulls her outside

- katara’s panicking and thinking azula’s pissed and goes to apologize but azula just. kisses her.

- katara’s immediate reaction is “fckin took you long enough”

- azula immediately goes red and is like “kat i realized i was gay less than five minutes ago please let me live”

- and therefore is subject to teasing for the rest of her life. the end.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #katara #azula #azutara #kazula

[someoctober]

I'm not tired yet

We still got a lot to figure out

Like, what was the end of the movie about, anyways?

You're yawning on your couch

I wonder if I overstayed my welcome

Until you asked me if I'd like to take a walk

We're going to the five and dime

The only open place at this time of night

You're dancing in the aisle

'Cause the radio is singing you a song you know

And the kid at the counter is gawking at your grace

I can tell what he's thinking by the look on his face

It's not his fault, I'm sure I look the same

It's what you do, but it's not you I blame

Your mama read my palm

She wouldn't tell me what it was she saw

But after that, you weren't allowed to spend the night

I'm staring at my hands

Red ruddy skin, I don't understand

How did they betray me? What did I do?

I never touched you how I wanted to

What can I say to your mom to let you come outside?

You know I'll be seeking if you run and hide

If the door were to open, would you walk through the frame?

If you're too afraid, it won't be you I blame

You passed a note in class

Told me to meet you at the overpass

Your lip was trembling when you said that we are cursed

You're trying not to cry

When you tell me you're afraid that we may die

I said, "So what? Everybody's scared of that"

I want you to tell me that you miss me

Want you to hold and hurt and kiss me

I wanna run away and live on your family's boat

It's a triple dog dare, you're a chicken if you don't

I can fish for our food and you know how to start a flame

If you don't get out now, you'll only have yourself to blame

You said, "You'll have me there

If it's a triple dog dare"

A triple dog dare, a triple dog dare

A triple dog dare, a triple dog dare

A triple dog dare, a triple dog dare

A triple dog dare, a triple dog dare

A triple dog dare, a triple dog dare

A triple dog dare, a triple dog dare

A triple dog dare, a triple dog dare

A triple dog dare

They put our faces on the milk jugs

Missing children 'til they gave up

Your mama was right, and through the grief

Can't fight the feeling of relief

Nothing worse could happen now

Nothing worse could happen now

Nothing worse could happen now

[allylikethecat]

Omg, also a TS fan since debut and I massively took a step back from her personally prior to the reputation era because of her antics and victim complex. The music will always mean so so much to me, her lyrics mean so much to me, but her actions as a person and TS™️ as an entity is just weird and greedy. I think she accrued a lot of fans when she disappeared for a while who've completely constructed a narrative in their heads of who she is and they believe it and are eating up this current era, but those who've been here a long time know how PR and image driven it is. Exhausting.

I apologize in advance I have been having way too many feelings about this whole situation and how it relates to my identity as a 28 year old woman and you are about to get an oversharing novel in response lol

Also, I guess CW: this post is about Taylor Swift and if anyone sends me any kind of hate or whatnot related to my own personal opinions and feelings I will be deleting it because I am NOT playing that game.

My Aunt bought me the Debut album CD at a concert after seeing her open for Rascal Flatts. She was like "I thought that you would like her!" and she was RIGHT Taylor Swift became my entire personality. One of my FAVORITE core memories as a child was the day Fearless came out. For some reason we didn't have school, and my Mom and I watched Taylor on the Ellen show, and then we went to Target and bought the physical CD, we then drove around town so we could listen to it together. My mom hasn't been well and that is one of my favorite memories of us together. It's silly but when you're in middle school that kind of thing is important to you. Then in high school I actually got MADE FUN OF for wearing Taylor merch and being excited about Red. BUT I loved her music and felt like she actually stood for something, so I brushed it off and continued to be a HUGE Swiftie. I had the Taylor Swift dolls, I had the perfumes, I had the LOVE LOVE LOVE bracelet, I had the sundresses from WALMART. I saw her on the Fearless and 1989 tours, I had the fucking 1989 haircut. I was supposed to go to Loverfest.

I was still a HUGE Swiftie during the post 1989-pre Reputation eras, then the Reputation era. I'm a few years younger than her, but I felt like I could relate to the kind of manic panic that she was sharing with us (lol turns out I was just unmedicated and we're doing much better now). It felt (in my probably naive mind) like she was experiencing the same insecurities that I was and reacting accordingly. Was she playing the victim at times? Oh 100% BUT I also fully believe that she thought she was one. (Plus... Kim is my least favorite Kardashian lol)

I LOVED the Lover era even as it was shit on at the for the sunshine rainbow hyper colorful aesthetic. Like, I don't know if new fans realize but when Lover was released? It was NOT as beloved as it is now. Then Folklore and Evermore were absolute genius, it felt like Taylor had grown up, and she got all of these new fans, which was great! She was in an "adult" relationship and her music and publicity choices seemed to reflect that. It was so refreshing to see a celebrity keeping their personal life, personal, and sharing what they wanted to share through music. Midnights broke all kinds of records, again, amazing! Even if it wasn't as strong as say Folklore. I fought for my life and got Eras Tour tickets (opening weekend!!) I had the BEST TIME EVER.

Taylor has always been extremely calculated with her public image. She was over exposed during The 1989 era and the public turned on her, so I truly cannot figure out why she is doing it again 100x in this new era of whatever the fuck this is. I don't know her, maybe she is legitimately happy, or maybe this is a cry for help. But I have been so grossed out by her behavior lately, and how in your face everything is with Kelce. It's no secret that I hate Kelce (and people that know me IRL know that it's not a new Taylor related thing lol) and if she actually loves him, fine, that's great for her, BUT we don't need to see it! Yes she was public when she was dating Calvin but ALSO she was what 25-26? She's a 34 year old woman now with the biggest platform of any celebrity ever. She feels too old (and this is not me age shaming her because I would be grossed out if my friends were doing it, and I would be embarrassed if *I* were to ever do it) to be licking a man's face in public like this. This feels like sorority girl in her first college relationship (I was *in* a sorority for a hot second so this isn't hate on sorority girls either!) and not record breaking Grammy award winning artist. ALSO I feel like she used to come across as so articulate and well spoken? Controversial opinion but I thought she sounded like a fucking idiot in that Time Person of the Year piece.

I think that this whole thing is PR for something, but because it just feels too icky to be real, but I don't know what it's PR for, (trying to bury the Matty situation from May? Because if so that just makes me even more sad for him or trying to get back at Joe? Which if that's the case, I feel bad for him too and she's even more immature than I thought) and now, for the first time, AFTER SIXTEEN YEARS I'm embarrassed to be a fan of her, both because of her own actions and also the actions of her fanbase as a whole.

It feels really weird, and I know I'm being parasocial about it, but when the times got bad I always had her music to fall back on and now I just, I don't know it feels cheapened somehow because the current image that's being crafted doesn't match the one that we originally fell for. And you know what, people change, she's a celebrity, I don't know her, what she does DOES NOT affect me any way, and how I feel does not AFFECT HER in the slightest, and I know it's being parasocial but I feel like a big part of me is in mourning about it. Less because of her changing her image so drastically, and more so because I feel like I'm mourning the loss of childhood and joy that used to be associated with her music for me and I think that's what's making me the most sad.

I have Eras tour tickets for one of the London dates this summer. I'm probably going to still go, because I paid for them, and I also have tickets to see Noah Kahan that same week in London (... and also the Longines tour has ALSO decided that the London stop is that week...) But I don't consider myself a "big fan" anymore. Maybe I will be one day again, but this current image that she's putting out just isn't it for me.

Sorry for the longest Taylor related novel in existence, I have had a lot of bottled up feelings about this that feel ridiculous typing out and sharing out loud BUT I know I will feel better sending them into the interwebs and your ask was the perfect catalyst.

Thank you so much for sending this in and for your continued support! I hope you continue to enjoy my fics and my secret sports hot takes 😂

❤️Ally

#allylikethecat #ask ally #anon ask #keep it kind #i am so sorry this got so long #i just started word vomiting and couldnt stop #then i started crying thinking about my mom #and yeah anyway i am 100% sober just dramatic lol #dont worry i will still be working on you know where the city is #Fictional!2014/2015 taylor has not made me sad lol #and i know it doesnt matter or actually impact me and its super parasocial and probably not healthy that im sad about all of this #BUT i love projecting my feelings and shit onto other things #and why deal with the ~other trauma~ in my life #when i could just... be bummed out about taylor swift turning into a trashy hoe instead of the poet we thought she was #BUT IN IMPORTANT AND EXCITING NEWS #the way i am so hype for this beyonce country album #im not even a beyonce stan #i dont even know if i would go as far as saying im a casual fan #but 16 carriages is so good #and im so excited to see what the rest of the album has in store #also please be nice to me im being vulnerable on the internet #because i am too stubborn to be vulnerable in real life #... there is a 75% chance i am going to panic delete this later but oh well here it is

[pickled-flowers]

Saw some of the grossest parenting today in the bus

#this dad was on his phone the whole bus ride ok #and his two kids were screaming arguing #at most he would periodically tell them to lower their voice while still on his phone #one time he told them to stop the one sitting next to him hit him 😭 and he went back to look at his phone with no reaction #my guy something is seriously wrong with you #your kids are screaming at each other doesn't even matter all that much that we are in the bus rn #theyre not just being loud kids you need to do smt!!!!!! its too early for this!!! i could hear them even with my noise cancelling headphone #anyways #ive never seen smt like this #and i work in a mall i see lots of parents and kids #idk smt really disgusting about a parent just not even interested in engaging with their kids #dude no wonder they're loud they probably want ur attention #also this one lady once who came in wjth a big stroller #and the store where i work has little moving rooms between the aisle so this woman decided TO LEAVE THE STROLLER WITH A KID INSIDE AT THE #FRONT OF THE STORE #the kids started crying and his hrother (toddler not in the stroller but not following the mom for some reason) started exploring and i #i had to watch them until the mom came back but like the woman just left them there??? #i just stepped in but what if i hadnt??? lady????????? #i see lots of cute interactions of course #like this little girl who came with who i think is her grandpa and he asked me to help her chose her next manga read 😭💖 #i basically work in a book/toy store #theres a lot of candy as well the kids love it #idk i like seeing kids being happy ok it is healing #like all the kids sitting on the floors deep in their books while the parents shop 😭😭😭 makes me smile every time top tier behavior

[pcktknife]

in like first grade during my first ever spelling bee I got the word 'culture' and fucked it up and I think I was the first person to get out

#that shit HURTED #i studied for WEEKS all the hard words they wouldnt have even used only to get out ROUND 1 because of CULTURE. #it was in front of everybodies parents i had to sit w my mom til the whole thing was over i think i started crying 😭 #and i realized how i fucked up while i was sittin too i think i was just really nervous #im still mad about it too put me in a 1st grade spelling bee id spell circles around them kids #kae.txt #spelling/reading was my whole thing as a kid so it was a big deal to me

[babyfairy]

it takes about 5 seconds of thinking about my personal life before i start to cry now i think that’s really cool and good. fun too

#said literally 3 words earlier to my mom and started to cry so i stopped immediately like i’m so tired dude. #i don’t want to think about any of it anymore. i wish i could just go on autopilot. i’m so mentally checked out #from everything and everyone. i feel like i’ve given up on almost everything i enjoy doing #i just work go home watch tv sleep and then repeat it all over and over. i can’t be still. i can’t live in the moment anymore really even #because that means i have to be present and absorb what’s actually going on around me. all the change #i feel like i’m fading into the background more and more every day #i don’t even care either it’s just kind of like …? good lol #the more i fight my grief the worse it gets #if i can outrun it until my time here is up then that’s fine. i’m sure i won’t but. lol #anyway if you read all this i’m fine i just don’t really like being alive it’s whack imo nothing brings me joy long term #it’s all fleeting. mostly i just feel blank and disconnected #and that’s it. and tired lol

[beanghostprincess]

since we were talking about headcanons, i once said this would be namivivi as moms but i can see them being moms of daughters more. i KNOW they’d be the best moms on earth

this is so fucking hilarious. thank you.

nami's motherly energy throughout the series is so real i wouldn't be surprised if they actually adopted a kid instead of having one of their own. you know. following her mom's steps and all. anyway! if they were to have a child, though, this would definitely happen to them and it would be so funny, lmfao. they want a lil girl!!! let them be a girl trio!!!

and yeah, both vivi and nami would be the best moms in the world. they'd be so caring and sweet but also they would teach their kid (they'd have a daughter, i completely agree btw) how to defend herself. if somebody catches nami teaching the girl how to steal, nobody tells vivi. that being said, vivi isn't any better because she's forgetful af and she'd probably just be all over the place sometimes. chaotic af but sweet moms.

tbh namivivi and sanuso are like, the only ships i see having kids. like, actually having kids forever and not just taking care of a random kid for a few episodes the way it always happens in this show bc oda loves the crew taking care of children (me too). and also frobin, but they have enough children already (-> the children being the crew).

and and and!!!! the crew with that kid??????? even when i daydream about sanuso having kids i always end up thinking about how the crew would react and interact with them, and namivivi's daughter would be so so so loved by the straw hats, arabasta as a whole, and the cocoyasi village. girl would be protected even without needing it to bc she'd be just like her moms. lil manipulative girlboss with a dumb but royalty-like side. cutie patootie. baby girl. and also, sanji would love her to death but i'm not gonna go into detail about what i think of every strawhat with the kid.

aghhh this is so cute!!! thanks for making me think about this, you made my day <3

#the strawhats with kids always make me so soft #somehow i always have to bring up sanuso in every post i apologize #but yeah namivivi my beloveds #always thinking about nami in punk hazard with those kids gonna cry #although i think canonically namivivi would be too busy to become moms and they wouldn't plan it #they'd just adopt a random kid who needs them and that'd be the start of a family #one piece #nami #nefertari vivi #namivivi

[topaz-mutiny]

Thinking about Allura Vysoren and how she very almost didn't show up in campaigns 2 and 3.

A very unlucky roll familiar to Bells Hells nearly sent her (and Kima) to their death. A very lucky roll familiar to Bells Hells allowed them the chance of being saved by Vox Machina.

Just thinking about it. About how she almost wasn't here to see Bells Hells. :')

#Critical Role #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #Allura Vysoren #Vox Machina #Bells Hells #c1e83 starting at 3:37:50 for those wondering #that episode was ALREADY heavy and then they almost lost Allura and Kima too #Allura having mom friend vibes to both characters and the cast #I forgot Keyleth's perception bonus is +11 at this point and now I'm thinking about Orym oooouuuugh I'm gonna cry #nat 20 perception check my beloved

[tariah23]

My mom is okay 😭😭😭!!/!/!!$

#my friend guessed similar enough about what her diagnosis could’ve been but it was apparently a bad muscle strain in the breast #she was helping my sister with moving her stuff into the house the other day and Injured herself #I guess the pain just started to hurt her very badly :( #I’m just so glad that it isn’t cancer bro I was so sad all day ksksk #I was forcing myself to think about tramp stamp Gojo and shit so that I wouldn’t cry again I’m a mess #glad she’s back.. #she just got back in 😭❤️❤️❤️ #throwing up rn I was worried sick #rambling #I don’t do well with bad news involving my mom or siblings… I just… I’d rather die first than hear anything bad

[akkivee]

despite not quite sharing the same pink-gold-dark palette that otome and ichijiku’s speakers have, i think it’s kiiiiinda crazy kuukou and jyushi’s speakers match theirs in style better than nemu’s lol

#this is vee speaking #not pictured is nemu’s bc while her’s is necessary for comparison i also hated how the photo set looked lol #ah concern over kuukou and jyushi’s pink my old friend LOL #i was revisiting the thought that their pink comes from an important woman figure in their lives #and nothings changed about it lol i just started comparing their speakers with the characters who are heavily influenced by a girl #so that’d be ichiro in a way samatoki ramuda dice hifumi and rei #aaaaaaaand ramuda and dice are the only ones with pink lol tho ichiro’s speaker graffiti has Some pink lol #which is on god actually no cap frfr like goddamn fcking me up LOL #i let myself get lulled into a false sense of security thinking jyushi’s pink was related to his grandma and kuukou’s a lady we don’t know #and it can still hold true esp since dice’s known chuuoku connection is his mom #but posse always keeps you fuggin guessin who knows what else is up with dice #*crying* and who knows what is up with bat other than their vibes #pls let me return to my false sense of security idk if i have any new info i can infer from pls i’m not strong enough for bat fears aGAIN— #c: kuukou👑 #c: jyushi #c: otome #c: ichijiku

[callixton]

oh i am on the Brink of a mental breakdown. and like a real one. i am going to feel so so fucking terrible and guilty if i don’t go to the first week of mac rehearsal bc i need to recover but i am also getting the sense that i Need to recover. i have never been this burnt out or genuinely terrified of starting a new semester in my life.

#we go back to campus a week early for mac. to be clear #and god they’ll be long days and they’ll be physically emotionally and mentally draining and i genuinely dont know if i can take that #but i am also going to be missing SO much time. and i won’t be there to support the people who i need to #i have also. been thinking a lot about how i’m scared that i think so much abt death bc i’m gonna be one of those people #who seem even more than everyone else like they have a finite time and then they die young #and then my mom compared me to jonathan larson tonight #so maybe that’s some sort of sign that i need to slow the fuck down #i am crying rn. for myself. which happens about three times a year #and yeah one is usually during winter break so we’re on schedule #i don’t know. idk!! i don’t know what to do here #and i still have to do my fucking scene prep for tomorrow #bc i was talking my mom about it and i really needed support which she was giving and then she has to leave for five seconds #and when she came back the entire conversation was just about her own problems again which we’ve already talked about every fucking night bc #- you can’t leave conversations with her and i hate when she fucking drunks i hate it i hate it #i am Not Well. i’ve sort of been avoiding admitting to myself just how badly #but man. i can push through anything until i drop but when i start wishing that i’ll drop so i have an excuse for a break….. not good #ted talks #the west wing

[bootyful-seventeen]

i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh

#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it #she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin #all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's #all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood #and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here #and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does #so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff #when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die #and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates #cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter #grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni #she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t #so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too #and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress #when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk #i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz #cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all #grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done #unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess #it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help #like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi #and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous #and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree #at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar #without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since #we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by #i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear #its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage

[ouchhq]

>:(

#i need to vent a little im sorry pls ignore this if u are bothered by my thoughts #SH tw !!!!!! #this morning i was supposed to have my weekly therapy session but i had to cancel bc my mom got covid and obviously stayed home from work #and i do online therapy and i didnt feel comfortable doing it with my mom around but i really needed to do it tbh #and then my professor replied to my email with all of the things ive been working on since august and didnt say anything about the material #he just asked to call me on the phone tomorrow and i started to spiral…. like Spiral with a capital s #even now thinking about it my stomach sinks bc i have this feeling that his feedback is going to be negative and i just know my #barely existent self esteem is going to break and idk what im gonna do with myself then #this afternoon while i was spiraling all i wanted to do was /hurt/ myself. i kept thinking that i wasnt good enough and i had done a #horrible job.. so bad that he couldnt even tell me by email but needed to do it on the phone and i felt like throwing up and i couldnt get #/​that/ thought out of my head and i could only cry #and all of this not even actually knowing what my professors feed back is going to be because this is just all in my head #but i was talking to my school friends and they were like oh its gonna be fine even if he doesnt like it u can still put the project in ur #portfolio hes not even our professor anymore and so on #and i kept saying that i knew that but i just could not handle that sort of feedback and rejection mentally #i was telling them that i knew i would crumble if i got real negative feedback and i was terrified of that and they just couldnt get it and #idk it made me feel really lonely #im a bit calmer now but i feel so depressed #i am really anticipating something that will hurt really bad

[xoalsox]

i love you forever my shinee

#no matter how much time has passed it is still very difficult for me to talk about it...every time i think i will be ok it just hits me all #over again and i suddenly cant breathe and i cant think i cant do anything at all #had a bit of an anxiety attack on the 17th....on the next day i kinda made the mistake of watching a live performance of jjong where he #got emotional while singing and started crying...so i started crying too. still it was very comforting to hear the audience screaming on #top of their lungs telling him they love love LOVE him after that...you are so so loved jonghyun hope you can still feel that just like you #felt it back then. you are loved and will forever be loved #and the members' ig posts.....even though i try not to cry a lot i always kinda do..they just always manage to make me feel emotions #ive never felt before....mh telling jh about his mom...kb updating him about tm's successful concert....thats a FAMILY right there......... #love you my shinee family...hope you are all doing well and taking care of yourselves....my 5 boys forever #xlsx