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cupidbunny · 3 years

Text

Continuation of

Tags; Alcohol, arguing, angst, regret, hurt/comfort, anxiety attack, Mentions of Cheating, Childe’s real name

Major TW; PTSD attack mentioned in detail, please read carefully

It happened again. Yet another person flirting with your boyfriend as you stood near him in a crowded bar. Of course, he rejected their advances, stating that he was already taken but it made you furious. You chugged another shot in pure anger, tears stinging your eyes as you held them back.

Your back away from him as he went to the other side, seeming to go greet someone. You huffed in anger as you got another, the bartender eyeing you. You payed quickly, but it seemed as if she was more worried about your quick drinking.

You didn’t care, just enough to make the lights go out. Take away the pain of jealousy.

‘Idiot, idiot, idiot. Why are you dating him? He’ll leave you for someone more attractive anyways.’ The thoughts burned at the back of your mind as you chugged the last shot. You turned back and saw someone else going onto your boyfriend, pushing themselves against him. That did it.

You grabbed your things, paying and tipping the bartender as you rushed outside. Ajax barely noticed you because of the crowd, and quickly rejecting the person.

Once you were outside, you finally let the dam break, letting your tears roll down your face. Everything was so blurry, even before you were crying so it made it worse.

A small group of girls passed, asking if you were okay. You could barely hold yourself still as you shook with sobs. The girls got worried, pulling you over to a bench to stabilize yourself. You took some deep breaths and thanked them, lying that you were fine. You weren’t. But they left by the time you realized that. Your movement was unsteady and you wobbled as you walked. Home wasn’t too far though, right?

God, it was a miracle that you got home safely, stumbling on your things as you crashed on the couch. You groaned as you heard the door click and open, footsteps quickly approaching. You looked up, seeing the hazy figure of Ajax.

You wanted to hug him, cry into his arms, let him comfort you, anything. But your pride didn’t let you. And neither did he.

“Where the hell did you go? I was looking all over for you?” His tone sounded…concerned? Sounds were hazy

“Like it matters…” You made out, narrowing your eyes at him.

“Of course it does, I don’t want you leaving me like that!”

“But you can leave to go with some stranger? Nice bullshit.” You could hear him groan.

“This shit again? God, why do you always get like this-“

“I’m supposed to be okay with it? Seeing people just…smother themselves all over you?”

“I’ve already said it, let it fucking go! God you’re so-annoying!”

The moment he said that was the moment the room went quiet. He stood their, and you could sense that he…didn’t seem to regret a single thing he said.

“I’m going to bed. Go…calm down or some shit…” He muttered, turning away as the anger still radiated from him as he went to your room.

Tears pricked your eyes again as you started to cry again. You ran to the bathroom, closing the door as fast as you could. You tried to steady your breathing but you were shaking again, your breathing unsteady.

‘It’s happening again, no no no no, not again’ Your mind screamed as you held yourself. The memories came back to you, your last relationship that left you broken. The day they left you, and hurt you the most. The day that played over and over again, rendering you useless as your felt the pain rush back again and again as all you could do was sob. And sob. And sob, wishing someone would save you. But no one did. You passed out from it all, from the exhaustion most likely.

Ajax had gone to bed, closing his door as he heard you slam the bathroom door shut. He stood for a few moments, letting everything sink in and feeling a wave of regret wash over him. He shouldn’t have done that, you were already hurt and he was supposed to comfort you. He sighed, sitting on his bed for several, long moments before getting back up. He sighed, opening his door and then knocking on the bathroom door.

“[Name]…I’m sorry okay? I…I didn’t mean to say that shit. I was angry, and…I should’ve comforted you instead…” He waited a fee moments before calling for you again. He grew more panicked as you wouldn’t reply the more he called. He eventually opened the door with brute force and saw you on the floor, passed out with a look of pain. A wave of emotions crashed over him as he quickly grabbed you, picking you up and being you to your room. He set you down on the bed, quickly making sure that you weren’t hurt as he realized that you were still crying in your sleep. His face changed into one of regret, hurt, and other negative emotions. Mainly hate, but for himself. For leaving you alone, for doing all this.

He wrapped his hands around you, holding you tight to his chest as he tried his best to comfort you. Somehow, you slowly started to calm down, your breathing returning to normal as you finally stopped crying. Ajax smiled, at least a bit relieved to see you okay. He ended up awake for most of the night, making sure you were okay.

You woke up with a pounding headache, and felt Ajax with his arms still around you. He smiled weakly, his bags dark.

“You’re awake. Do…you want breakfast? Or something for your hangover?” You didn’t want to fight, too tired to do so. You simply nodded and he kissed your forehead as he slowly slipped out of bed. You missed him already.

He walked back in, with food and something for your hangover as he cupped your cheek in his hand. Once you finished your food, you got ready to speak but he beat you to it.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done…that. I should’ve been there for you [Name]….” He trailed off, seeming as if he he didnt know what to say.

“It’s…okay. I just…I don’t want it to happen again. I didn’t want to seem…pushy but it hurt me a lot.” He nodded as you spoke, since you’ve told him before what ‘it’ was.

You two talked it out, spending the day together to make up for it. It was nice to be back in your boyfriends arms.

So, I’ll probably write a fluff about this later, but I hope he wasn’t too ooc. Also, the ‘it’ was your past lover cheated and basically ridiculed/gaslighted about it. What Childe did reminded you of that day, which sent you into an attack. {He knew abt the partner but not the trigger}

Self indulgent once again <3

#childe x reader #childe x gn!reader #angsty #angst with a happy ending #hurt/comfort #genshin x gn reader #genshin x reader #read tags #childe #tartagalia x reader

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majicmarker · 3 years

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so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

#i just love them whoops my hand slipped #the majnificent adventures #gus tag #@ melissa wtf is our tag we had like five #how do i not remember five things #anyway i got into my feelings tnt don’t @ me

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turning-dreams-into-chaos · 4 years

Note

Hi so abt the Fall Celebration can i get a 🎃 with prompts 11 from the first list and prompt 23 from the second list if i could mix and match thanks love ❤️

Ok so i decided to be an idiot and not put the name of the character i want the blurb to be about😂 so could you do it for my boi Peter Parker? Thanks so much sorry for the trouble

Yes of course! I’m sorry this took me like all day to get started on them 😂 I kept getting distracted! I couldn’t think of how to make this related to Halloween or Fall much, so oopsies! 😅

HALLOWEEN/FALL CELEBRATION!

Peter had a long day today and all he wanted to do was to relax in bed and fall asleep but when he was halfway home, he stopped himself, deciding to go to a different ‘home’. Not long after, Peter ended up at the compound, right outside your window as he looked in through the glass. You were laying on your bed watching TV, lazily petting your dog you had spent months convincing Tony to let you get. Tony knew you were responsible enough for a dog, he just didn’t want one running about the tower. It didn’t matter though because your pup, who you named Hero, never left your side and you were never without him.

Peter opened your window in a quick swing and pulled his mask off. “Boo!” he shouted, making you and Hero jump. Realizing it was just your doofus of a boyfriend, you settled back into your spot, listening to Peter laugh as he pulled out a pair of his sweats and a T-shirt he stashed in your room for nights like these.

“That’s not funny Pete!” you called over his laughs, hiding the smirk on your face. “I didn’t know you were coming over tonight.” Once he was dressed, he finally jumped onto your bed, leaning over to peck your lips as you both shared a smile.

“It was a surprise.” He shrugged, stealing some of your candy corn as you smacked his hand away.

“It was a good surprise.” You mumbled as you moved to let Peter get settled more, scooting your dog closer to you until he was climbing into your lap and licking at your face. Your focus went almost completely away from Peter as you cooed, giving your love to Hero. “Who’s a good boy? You’re a good boy! Who’s my little cutey? You are! That’s right!”

A clear of Peter’s throat had your attention drawn away as you looked at your unimpressed boyfriend. “Are you baby talking your dog?” You pursed your lips together as you looked between him and the wagging tailed animal.

“Um. No?” You lied despite knowing Peter just sat there and heard. “I can’t help it! Look at him. Isn’t he just the cutest?” You turned Hero’s head to look at Peter and you gave him your famous puppy dog eyes. Peter didn’t last long before agreeing Hero was a cutie.

“Okay, time for my cuddles please.” Peter pouted as he tried to pull you into him but you just laughed, not missing the tone in his voice.

“Hold on.” You stopped him and Peter groaned, wanting to be closer to you already. “Are you-“ You stifled your laugh, “Are you jealous?”

“Um. No?” Peter copied you from earlier as you through your head back in a laugh before cupping his cheek, pressing a long loving kiss to his lips.

“Don’t be jealous Petey. You’re a cutey too.” Peter blushed at your words, suddenly finding his jealousy ridiculous. You finished moving into a cuddling position, letting Peter wrap his arms around you and pull your back against his chest. You sighed happily, asking Friday to turn out the lights.

Peter and you weren’t cuddling for long before you started moving, having a very-hard-to-reach-in-this-position-crammed-between-a-dog-and-a-boy itch on your ankle. You hadn’t realized how much you were moving until Peter grumbled awake.

“Stop moving.” He grumbled in your ear and you ignored the butterflies his sleepy voice gave you as you kept trying to itch.

“Just give me a minute.” You whispered, finally managing to reach the itch.

“Stop moving.” He said again. “It’s annoying.”

You huffed, just trying to stop the damn itch as you moved Hero a little so you could sit up. “Fine, I’ll go away.”

Peters’ eyes opened wide. “Wait…” He mumbled when he felt you start to move away. “No, come back, I’m sorry!” Peter pleaded and you let out a small laugh.

“I just have to itch, Petey. Calm down.”

“Oh.” Peter mumbled falling back into the bed as he watched you become successful, moving the covers to climb back under. Once you were settled in again, Peter sighed, kissing your shoulder as you squeezed his hand. “Much better.”

Tags are open!

IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED TO A TAGLIST, THERE IS A LINK TO ADD YOURSELF IN MY BIO! (Click ‘getting around’ and then ‘Add yourself to a taglist’)

Sorry if I forgot someone, my tags are a little messy.

Permanent: @literal-fand0m-trash @nathaliabakes @colored-confetti @wiseeggspickleslime @btsiguess-kpop @galacticstxrdust @independentgirl @hollymac79 @emcchi @rauwz @chewymoustachio @smilexcaptainx @faith-quake @clarkesplaylist @johnmurphyisbisexual @kettnerjanea @teenagereadersciencenerd @ladykxxx08 @birdie-writes @annasofiaearlobe @mytreec @ananad1

Marvel: @hahaboop @laic2299 @angelinathebook @saturn-aka-six @whyamihere-bro @andreasworlsboring101 @dummiesshort

Peter Parker: @danielabetancourth @darktwistydiamond @pastelsweaters-and-bubble-t @missmulti @sovereignparker @eridanuswave @hollands-weasley

#Peter Parker x Reader #Peter Parker blurb #Peter Parker Imagine #Peter Parker #Spiderman x Reader #Spiderman imagine #Spiderman blurb #Spiderman #Avengers x Reader #Avengers blurb #Avengers Imagine #Avengers #Halloween/Fall Celebration

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fandomlurker · 3 years

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A Ponderous Rewatch: Prologue

You know, I didn’t think this would happen. I didn’t go into bingeing the 2020 renewal of Animaniacs with the thought “I’m going to watch this and then go and watch the original Pinky and the Brain shorts and spin-off show and do a rewatch and loose analysis on the whole franchise with special attention on queer subtext and themes”. What I initially set out to do was simply watch the renewal and see if it lived up to the show I watched pretty regularly as a kid in the 90s…or at least what I remembered of it through the haze of decades worth of time.

Pinky and the Brain was my favorite set-up on Animaniacs back in the day. Back then I probably wouldn’t even have been able to tell you why beyond “I think it’s funny and the characters are fun to watch as they screw up trying to take over the world”. Other segments were funny to me back in the day, too. Slappy the squirrel was great in that she was basically just like the classic, near-timeless Looney Toons a la Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, but as an old lady toon who’s seen it all and tries to relate to the changing world while proving that the ol’ slapstick ways still work. The Goodfeathers were entertaining despite the fact that I was a literal child and didn’t even know that it was a big ol’ spoof of Goodfellas. Hell, I’ve still never seen Goodfellas, but three pigeons trying to carry themselves like macho tough guy mafia folks while being goddamn pigeons is still funny with or without that context. And as for the Warner siblings themselves? Their skits were pretty consistently great as well. Lots of that Bugs Bunny-like energy of putting terrible folks in their place when they annoy you while coupling it with the dynamic of three child siblings who are very, very active and much too clever for the average person. It was fun!

But as I watched the 2020 reboot with its stripped-down cast now largely consisting of just the Warner siblings and Pinky and the Brain segments for the season (And I’ll be honest, some of the segments from the 90s like Katie Kaboom, Buttons and Mindy, and the Hip-Hippos are ones I’ll be happy to never have return because they were godawful even back then), it brought into focus the strength of those segments compared to most of the others from the old 90s line-up: The strong dynamic and chemistry of the relationships between the main characters of those skits. The Warner siblings are a trio of kids who, despite being truly cut from the same wacky cloth as the most beloved of Looney Toon characters, also very much tap into a very realistic depiction of sibling relationships. Sure, they get on each other’s nerves sometimes. Sure, sometimes they have disagreements on how they view a certain situation. At the end of the day, however, they care about each other more than anything else and work in such perfect sync despite differences in who they are individually. Sure, Yakko is a talkative theater kid jackass who sasses back at the drop of a dime. Sure, Wakko is kinda quiet and spaced-out and he has the appetite of a garbage disposal. Sure, Dot is adorable and witty and loudly and proudly feminist with an oddly feral streak. But if any one of them is inconvenienced or picked on or threatened in any way by someone, even if that someone is a powerful celebrity of some sort? You bet your ass the other two will immediately back their sibling up and make their tormentor’s life a living hell for the next however long the skit lasts. They’re little gremlin children who love one another, and have a surprisingly tragic backstory that actually speaks to a lot of fans on several levels.

But, okay, the bond between the Warner siblings is great and fun. What about Pinky and the Brain? What makes their dynamic stand out?

Folks, that’s where things get a little more…interesting. To me, at least.

So, watching the beginning of the 2020 reboot got me to slowly remember the parts I loved about the Pinky and the Brain skits from Animaniacs…were actually from their spin-off show. And the things I remembered most clearly from the spin-off were the more heartwarming moments that showed how much they cared about and loved one another, despite Brain being exhausted by Pinky’s dimwitted antics at times. And for a supposedly continuity-light cartoon show, there was a surprising amount of consistency to the main duo and their motivations. There was even a handful of reoccurring side characters the audience was expected to recognize from past episodes, as well, which is a bit strange to have for a show that initially seemed to aim to be strictly episodic. I remembered the odd amount of depth there was to the series. Nothing groundbreaking, mind you, but definitely something more than the average comedy cartoon.

So after watching the first few episodes of the reboot, I took to Tumblr to see if anyone remembered the old 90s show and to see how they were reacting to the new one. In doing so, I came across this post:

“i love that ppl make jokes abt a pinky and the brain version of the destiel confession because that. already happened....... the only difference is that brain pulls pinky out of superhell instead of dying on a barn nail”

Now, look, I’ve never watched Supernatural and only know it through Tumblr cultural osmosis, and at the time we were all riding off the high of the madness that was the finale of that show and the fallout from it. But ANYWAY…

This piqued my interest because 1. I didn’t remember watching an episode of Pinky and the Brain where anything like that happened, and 2. I was already picking up strong gay vibes from the reboot only a few episodes in. So, basically, I just had to hunt down this episode to sate my curiosity and see for myself if there was subtext in this 90s cartoon that I hadn’t quite picked up on as a kid.

I found the episode and started watching it. “Wow,” I said to myself, “this is a lot gayer than I remember…” And after finishing the episode, memories came flooding back to me:

That time the Brain fell for a girl mouse that was looked and acted lot like Pinky.

All those moments where Pinky would wear drag to disguise himself as Brain’s significant other in one way or another to further their plans for that episode, and how I could never remember it being ridiculed.

That one time they accidentally had a child together via a science mishap.

The ending of the Christmas special!...

And as I sat there, dumbstruck and searching Tumblr’s tags to see how far this particular rabbit hole (mouse hole?) went, everything finally clicked in my little bisexual mind.

This was one of the big reasons as to why I loved the Pinky and the Brain skits so much above all the others on Animaniacs all those years ago when I was a kid. It was the same sort of thing that subconsciously drew me to many of the cartoons and anime and media in general I loved as a child, back before I had the proper knowledge and self-awareness to know or express it.

Looking back on my life, I’d always gravitated to and resonated the most with stories and media with queer content in text or subtext. And sure, this cartoon was/is no Sailor Moon or Revolutionary Girl Utena with explorations of gender roles and queerness. It’s no Steven Universe or She-Ra with out and proud queer characters. It’s no The Little Mermaid or The Happy Prince where the stories were made by queer authors and subtextually about queer experience.

However…

However…!

I was surprised to find how deep the gay subtext went with Pinky and the Brain. Hell, I still am. This little Warner Brothers, Looney Toons-pedigree, continuity-light show about two lab mice trying to take over the world in bizarre, hilarious ways has such a weirdly continuous, heartfelt, touching, engaging, and sometimes outrageously raunchy queer undercurrent to it. All done in the 90s! It’s kind of baffling.

This is not to say that the creators and writers of the shows deliberately set out to do this. I don’t believe that anyone involved sat down and said to themselves “I’m going to make this so fucking gay!”. Sure, the voice actors of both Pinky and the Brain have said that they played the dynamic with “the energy of an old gay couple” and they’ve said plenty of suggestive or outright not safe for work things in the character’s voices in interviews and at convention panels. I firmly believe that they’re just having fun as the characters, just as much as I believe the writers were probably just having fun and putting in the gay subtext and suggestive lines as a kind of long running joke and seeing how far they could take it.

(By the time of the Pinky and the Brain comics, however, I’m not so sure. Some of the stuff they got away with in those issues is…amazing, to say the least.)

Regardless of actual intent, I think the writers of Pinky and the Brain (both old and new), have accidentally created a sort of subtextual, yet pretty powerful love story. And you know what? I want to rewatch this story for myself and write down my thoughts as I go along. I tried something similar quite a while back with Droids, and while I kind of ran out of steam as my life got busier and never finished, I have time now for something like this.

I should also say that I’m not out here to, like, convert anyone into shipping cartoon mice together. I imagine most people see Pinky and the Brain as nothing other than very close friends, and that’s a completely valid viewpoint to have. I doubt there will ever be some sort of canonization of a gay relationship between the two, as I imagine most of the writers on the new show (and hell, on the old one) are heterosexual themselves and would view such an idea as “ruining the comedy and the dynamic of the characters” or something similar. I’ve been in the fandom game long enough to know better than to hope and expect any media to sincerely tackle queer relationships in stories that only have the subtext there, especially in comedies.

I guess I’m doing this more to explore something I loved as a child and to see if I can find just as much if not more enjoyment from it as an adult, albeit maybe for different reasons. Hell, it’s also an opportunity to peek into a kind of time capsule from the 90s regarding how far queer subtext could be pushed back then, even when heavily couched in comedy. This is just a little project I wanna do for fun in my spare time. And hey, maybe a few of you out there will have some fun reading it too, who knows?

Either way, see you sometime soon in the new year.

#Pinky and the Brain #PatB #A ''little project'' I say as I look at the 65 episode list of the spin-off series...#What have I gotten myself into?

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badatusernames · 4 years

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CHOJI, SHIKAMARU, LEE, GAARA & HINATA!! ITS A LOT IM SORRY

THANK U FOR THIS...admittedly some answers may be a lil short just so i can like. Get to them all.

EDIT: IDK WHY IT LOOKS LIKE THIS. IM SO TIRED. IM SORRY ITS JUST A LONGASS NARUTO POST ON YOUR DASH I TRIED MY FUCKIN BEST YALL

SEND ME A CHARACTER AND I’LL DO THIS;

Chouji (man i’ve seen it spelled both ways and i’m just used to typing Chouji at this point sorry)

Sexuality Headcanon: Pansexual!! Gender Headcanon: Cis male A ship I have with said character: SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARUUUU, my god...just, everything about their dynamic makes my heart melt, the way they’re both people who are easily dismissed by others and how they have such UNFALTERING FAITH in each other. chouji knows how much of a genius shikamaru is, knows very well the fact that despite his laziness, once he commits to something he’s in it for the LONG HAUL, the way shikamaru just believes so steadfastly in chouji, considering him stronger than NEJI FOR FUCKS SAKE...they like. get one another, the kind of relationship where you can be yakking away one minute and then just sitting in contented silence the next. they can just laze around. maybe play video games and snack. and sometimes...kiss. and it’s so chill even with that latent tenderness their later relationship develops and they both just feel so safe and KNOWN and familiar like. love your best friend. anyway everyone slept on shikacho and y’all should be ashamed the naruto fandom is enormous and finding pretty much ANY content for it is almost impossible aside from the small (if lovely and amazing) tag and i’m pretty hyperfixated on it if you couldn’t tell holy SHIT. A BROTP I have with said character: i’m really not a fan of ino taking potshots at him for his weight and outright shaming him, but once she grows out of that i absolutely love their friendship. listen, you know that post thats like--hold on

thats just them, thanks. A NOTP I have with said character: i have nothing against karui but canon is fucking dead to me and my opinions on p much all the “endgame” ships range from utterly neutral to absolute loathing. their relationship is on neither end of the spectrum, but. eh. definitely not into it. A random headcanon: he keeps nursing injured animals back to health because he’s just that fucking sweet and bringing them back to his house to keep them warm and safe while they recover and his team knows vaguely about this and ino and shikamaru like to poke fun at him for it but since they don’t tend to encounter said animals, it’s not really a huge deal.

of course they stop by his house one day bc he hadn’t shown up for training which is annoying and frankly a little concerning and finding the house mostly empty ino just bursts on into chouji’s room only to immediately have the opossum he’s been caring for latch its little paws on her face and cling.

it’s a bad morning. General Opinion over said character: literally one of my absolute favorites of all time and it really breaks my heart how overlooked he is in the fandom (seriously y’all...). i think kishimoto is kind of a stupid hack and the Fat Jokes are really grating and it sucks to see that so intrinsically tied to his character (like. just let him be fat. jesus christ) but his kindness and overall relaxed, loyal and lovable nature has me just melting. i adore him.

Shikamaru

Sexuality Headcanon: He’s gay, scoob. (I could also talk a lot about how his earlier misogyny is both a product of being a whiny tween and also some internalized frustration of like WHATS SO GREAT ABOUT GIRLS. UGH. I DONT. STOP TELLING ME IM GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH ONE ONE DAY DAD JESUS. and let’s be real, thats frustrating, even if it aint an excuse) Gender Headcanon: he uses he/him pronouns because it’s just what he’s used to and comfortable with but man gender is such a drag... A ship I have with said character: SEE ABOVE SHIKACHO RANT A BROTP I have with said character: naruto! he and naruto have a really adorable friendship and i love love LOVE that he and chouji were shown to be kind and accepting of him even when most people were shunning him. also he’s so fucking dumb i love seeing shikamaru meticulously plan out something only to have naruto shriek into battle and ruin all of it. love those guys. stupid bros. A NOTP I have with said character: ok. im sorry i just. loathe sh*katema i really do. i haaaate the way kishimoto writes this whole “ew a GIRL” “ew a MAN” vibe with the like OOOH BUT THEYRE GONNA LIKE EACH OTHER vibe like.

don’t get me wrong i adore them as friends, i think they’re fantastic scathing and witty pals who bitch about anything and everything including each other

but they’re also both gay and kishimoto can suck my nuts byeeee A random headcanon: sometimes pakkun just fucking Shows up and chills with him. shikamaru wants absolutely no part of this but is way too lazy to like. do anything about it so it’s just this guy and a dog sitting in a field chillin and occasionally him piping up like ‘hey kid. remember when i bit your hand? yeah? haha, man time sure does fly.” while shikamaru is just. go aWAY. General Opinion over said character: if you told 9 year old me watching naruto for the first time my favs were gonna be a three way tie of lee, shikamaru and chouji i never would have fucking believed you but here we are. i love him. i absolutely love him. he’s such a whiny bastard and a really good depiction of burnout genius who doesnt want to do ANYTHING, but his intellect is an absolute DELIGHT to watch. i love him very much.

Lee

Sexuality Headcanon: he’s pan!! this is a boy that crushes easily and crushes hard on just about anyone!!!! Gender Headcanon: cis male A ship I have with said character: ok i ship him a lot with neji actually? what with how neji grows during the course of the series to regard lee with the respect he deserves is really sweet and there’s just something so infinitely adorable about him going around being the hammiest, most ridiculously earnest, kind and enthusiastic person and neji, now that he isn’t constantly bitter and angry at the world can finally really see that? lee is always happily dropkicking his way into his life, like he wouldn’t have it any other way, and i think that’s just...so sweet A BROTP I have with said character: SAKURAAAAA. oh my GOD do i adore their relationship. ever since lee saved her and basically just gave her a glimpse of his...lee-ness, the fact her negative opinion of him IMMEDIATELY flipped and gave her such a strong admiration and fondness for him kills me DEAD. she always treats him with so much respect and the fact she’s quick to rag on anyone making fun of him melts my HEART!! and on lee’s side, his little crush on her is adorable of course, but the sheer strength of the friendship that comes from it is more than infatuation could ever offer him. i want them to hang out together and talk about their troubles...i want them to make each other laugh and be so very kind to each other...i want sakura to storm over and throw him over her shoulder to TAKE A BREAK ALREADY when he’s been training too hard for too long. god. A NOTP I have with said character: honestly i’m pretty happy with a lot of lee ships! the only ones i view with obvious disdain are the ones with creepy age gaps honestly. A random headcanon: out of everyone in the leaf genin, he’s probably the closest anyone’s ever come to someone who EVERYONE is at least distantly friendly towards. like god have you SEEN how warm and inviting and concerned he is the SECOND he sees that naruto is feeling down? i get the sense he’s immediately inclined to provide that kind of support to any of his comrades, even the ones that Resist it.

you think sasuke is the most popular among the leaf genin? puh-LEASE. everyone looks on rock lee with at least a LITTLE bit of warmth. thats just fact. General Opinion over said character: since my first viewing of naruto he has been my Absolute fav, and while chouji and shikamaru are veeery close to stealing that spot, one look at him and i feel he’s gonna be on top forever. probably the best written character kishimoto’s ever produced that’s remained in the main cast (tho i dont speak for shipudden onwards who fucking knows, but the truth of it is is i adore rock lee)

Gaara

Sexuality Headcanon: Panromantic Asexual Gender Headcanon: kind of like shikamaru, i feel like he uses he/him pronouns but also doesn’t particularly....Care? A ship I have with said character: ok so it wasnt until my naruto rewatch that i really started falling into this but i think him and naruto are super cute? while i loathe kishimoto for ruining so much abt this show he really is good at creating good foils to naruto, and gaara is no exception--and the way naruto changes his life by just kicking his ass (and proving he’s not just a Simp or smth) and then just, extending genuine empathy and a REAL sense of truly relating to where he’s coming from re:his upbringing? the EFFECT it has on him, bro!!!! my god!!! i feel like they’re that opposites attract ship that don’t clash constantly but instead fall into this adorable synergy and understanding? and i think thats so sweet A BROTP I have with said character: ...is it cheating to just put temari and kankuro here? bc they are literally his siblings but my GOD do i love their relationship. there’s something so deeply sad about their initial situation??? like having siblings that either are deeply fucking afraid of you or clearly don’t care for your well being whatsoever, it’s such a tragic scenario, and the times where they really do show legitimate care for gaara just breaks my heart...but the GROWTH. THE DEVELOPMENT. THE HEALING. i love the sand siblings so much, i am a STRONG advocate of seeing the development from estranged family to loving, occasionally bickering siblings who absolutely Love Each Other A NOTP I have with said character: uhhhh same with lee in that i don’t really mind most of the ships i’ve seen him in? while i don’t particularly ship gaalee i think its also Very Cute, and really it all just seems pretty valid as long as people aren’t being creepy? A random headcanon: i’ve been wracking my brain for one for a good 20 minutes and i just don’t have one he’s such a mystery to me/????? i love him but he is an enigma?? General Opinion over said character: oh my god he’s such an edgelord in the beginning. i’ve been doing a lot of this naruto rewatch with my friend @drashseed (a simply phenomenal fella 10/10 follow him) and every single time he talked the only valid response just became “ok gaara”

but his backstory? utterly HEARTWRENCHING. and his growth is just. absolutely divine, i adore him. thank you mister sandman for doing so much for us all.

Hinata

Sexuality Headcanon: Bisexual Gender Headcanon: cis woman A ship I have with said character: listen. i think kibahina is........Really Really cute. he cares about her so MUCH??? and there’s a certain tenderness to his interactions with her that’s just really evident whenever you see em together? i really love that you get the sense hinata is COMFORTABLE around him!!! like! i feel like hinata really deserves to have a partner who sees her when she ISN’T blushing and stammering? when she’s like? legitimately comfortable and being HERSELF? (dgmw the blushing is adorable i fucking love her but its one of the gripes i have with naruhina that so much of it is just naruto being oblivious and her having a small panic attack) the comfort she and kiba have make for a chill, adorable relationship i just cry over constantly A BROTP I have with said character: so i was GONNA put naruto here, but technically i already put him there for shikamaru’s so i’m gonna say neji!!! uhhh OBVIOUSLY they got off to a. very rough start but the way their dynamic changed (or perhaps in a way reverted back to the times they interacted before neji’s father died and temporarily killed his Human Decency) into this respect and fondness that’s just...such a delight to watch? i’m a SUCKER for slow and mutual reconciliation and there are just so many sweet moments between them. they are FAMILY, BRO!!! THEY CARE FOR EACH OTHER, BRO!!!!!!!!!! A NOTP I have with said character: ...at the risk of sounding like a broken record, i think a lot of hinata ships are quite cute? i guess i’m gonna have to say sasuke. because like.

has. he ever even looked at her. please. jesus christ. she deserves so much better. A random headcanon: she is a LOT physically stronger than she looks!! a lot of her combat techniques rely on taijustu after all so it’d make sense that she puts a lot of effort into physical training alongside chakra control.

i’m trying to say she’s strong. not as strong as sakura but. she can lift her bf up over her head (he’s dying hes dying he’s dYING he lOVES HER SO MUCH). it’s pretty fuckign badass

General Opinion over said character: i LOVE her??? honest to god i really really do--honestly while i dislike the direction they went in canon with her, i really loved seeing her be motivated to grow and change the parts of herself she hated to become a stronger person.

that and she’s so fucking cute and sweet and i just??????? bless her honestly.

#naruto #shikacho #narugaa #nejilee #kibahina #they speak #i cant tag everyone fuck #is this formatting fucked up? i can't tell it wouldnt post before #long post

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siennaswritings · 4 years

Text

This or That Tag Game

Thank you so so much @pens-swords-stuff for the tag!!!! I can’t believe I forgot to do this until now, cause it looks SO FUN!!

Slow Burn or Love At First Sight

Idk if this makes sense, but I kind of like both...? Like, I love the immediate catching of feelings mixed with the whole “but there’s no way they feel like that abt me so why bother” trepidation, so it still takes them ridiculously long to confess to each other~

Fake Dating or Secret Dating

FAKE!! DATING!!! FOR!!! THE!!!! WIN!!!!!!! I love the having to hide in plain sight mixed with wistful sighs and reasons why they’re dating being thinly veiled confessions!!!

Enemies to Lovers or Best Friends to Lovers

Ok but like... can I raise you an enemies to lovers to best friends to exes to enemies again until finally they settle back to lovers??? Cause FUCK I love that shit...

Oh no, there’s only one bed! or Long-Distance with Correspondence

GIVE ME ONE BED OR GIVE ME DEATH DIUVBJAISUVJB I lOVE the trope that’s like, getting stuck in the middle of nowhere due to faulty transportation and there only being one shit motel within walking distance with only one usable room there. It’s So Fun.

Hurt/Comfort or Amnesia

This... THIS IS WHAT I ACTUALLY LIVE FOR. For real, my AO3 tagline isn’t “The Mailman of Angst” for nothing, fellas... I want my characters to hurt and I want my readers to hurt more, but I want to hurt the WORST because if I’m not hurting then what’s the Point.

Fantasy AU or Modern AU

If the story doesn’t have at least five different kinds of magical species and some backstabbing wizardly mentors, then, again, what’s the Point

Mutual Pining or Domestic Bliss

Tbh Domestic Bliss is just very limiting to me for a story in progress. That’s what they’re working towards, gimme mutual pining to get there (and about fifty other things to keep them apart to make the getting together all the sweeter).

Smut or Fluff

I never write smut just cause, like... with all the angst and fluff I have, smut just would be a distraction lmaoooo. At most I’ll do a fade-out, but this leaves fluff for the win.

Canon Compliant With Missing Scene or Fix-it Fic

I always write canon compliant fics, unless its just in an au. It’s just fun writing out my own headcanons of what’s happening between the lines.

Alternate Universe or Future Fic

AU, 1000000%. Unless we’re talking a time travel au where they go into the future for a short while to learn a valuable lesson before coming back to the present~

One Shot or Multi-chapter

I can never keep myself down to one book, much less one chapter. Even if it’s initially labeled a one shot (unless it was a request), I’ll eventually find a reason to come back and expand on it. The ideas, they are a-plenty.

Kid Fic or Roadtrip

ROADTRIP IN AN RV WITH CAMPING SCENES AND THINLY VEILED MUTUAL PINING THAT BECOMES UNAVOIDABLE WHEN STUCK IN A CONFINED SPACE!!!!!

Reincarnation or Character Death

I’ve frankly never read anything personally that’s implemented reincarnation well (if you have recs, let me know!!!). So, character death (aka my bread and butter) is a must.

Arranged Marriage or Accidental Marriage

I mean... there’s just so many angsty routes you can go with this...

High School Romance or Middle Aged Romance

I love high school romances that fall apart after graduation only for them to come back for familial visits and rediscover why they were head over heels for each other, thus becoming a middle aged romance.

Time Travel or Isolated Together

So I’m a sci-fi/fantasy fan, so time travel is always delicious. I love the havoc that ensues... But, I will admit, I have a lot of issues with how time travel is implemented a lot of the time. It feels like the majority of the time, time travel mechanics just Aren’t understood, so it makes for a very frustrating storyline...

Neighbors or Roommates

Roommates just forces a lot more interaction between the characters, not only with accidentally seeing each other naked but also just getting to know those annoying habits you only know of someone if you’ve lived with them.

Sci-fi AU or Magic AU

I mean... Yes.

Bodyswap or Genderbend

I really enjoy the trope of walking in each other’s shoes and getting to know their struggles, so bodyswap is good, but genderbend is so tasty because of the shift in power dynamics, to me.

Angst or Crack

GIMME ANGST OR GIVE ME NOTHING. I need the pain to remind myself I’m alive, so please, for the love of everything... I need the angst.

Apocalyptic or Mundane

Look, I live mundanely, so I need a good apocalypse to shake me every once in a while (or once a year, if you’re Buffy). I love the time crunch of an end of the world prophecy, the adrenaline and the comradery it creates. UGH it’s just so good.

Tagging: @milkyway-writes, @celestialbunnistories, @erinbeatty, @belles-library, @tabbykatwrites, @cookiecutterwrites, and anyone else who’d like to do it! If I’ve tagged you and you’ve already done this/are not interested, then please ignore!

#writeblr #tag game #tropes #about me

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dontyouhearmehowling · 4 years

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oh my god. Ok so I just scrolled through your blog and my heart hurts because there is so much love and just so much stuff I can relate too and I just ahhh damnnn it I cant even but like can I please have the story of your relationship with this girl your with? please? i'm a hopeless romantic I feel too much I love so hard my own love life is complicated but i know the kind of love you talk about thats exactly how i love the love of my life too so yours is a story I need to hear

ok so. it all started on April 31st, 2018. i reblogged one of those ask games and she sent me an emoji that said “i’m too scared to talk to you but i think you’re great” and i was like do it!!! and she did!!!! she texted me after i had already gone to sleep tho, so i only answered the next day. but then we talked all day. and the next. and the next. and we never ran out of things to talk about and even only knowing her for a few days i already felt comfortable enough with her to talk about anything?? it was wild. since day 1 we’ve had this connection that i’ve never had with anyone else and its my favorite thing in the world. after like a week we already had a bunch of inside jokes, something that i’d never had before, and i was already crushing on her. ok so we became very close friends like immediately, and i mostly ignored my crush on her bc i thought she didn’t like me back and usually i’d get meaningless crushes on everyone at first before i met her. but then this other girl and i started flirting and i realized i didnt like her bc i liked c too much, so i broke things off and kinda went like “oh shit this is real” and decided that i’d just stay friends with c until i eventually couldnt take it anymore and had to tell her abt my feelings bc thats how i am. anyways ok cool meanwhile i made her watch the good place on rabb.it with me which will be relevant later.

ok so fast forward to may 21st or something around that time. its time to sleep bc i have school the next day so we say goodnight, but then i guess she says something or reblogs something and i get sad bc i realize she doesnt like me back. so i make some hashtag sad posts abt yearning and then i realize i told her i was going to sleep and i didnt want her to think i didnt want to talk to her so i text her again and say like “ok i was going to go to sleep but then i got sad abt my crush” and SHE GOES “you have a crush????????” and im there like. what in the hell bc not only did i not try to hide it At All, i constantly posted about it and had an entire tag about her and i thought it was pretty obvious. so anyways i go “yes?? i thoought you knew that?? im literally always posting about it??” and she asks me to talk abt the crush and who it is. i say “just stalk the tag if u want, im going to sleep” then shes like “nO WAIT WHO IS IT” and im like. blatantly ignoring that and my heart is already beating out of my chest but she Really wants to know and then at one point i say “please dont make me answer that” so shE SAYS “you’re making me think that its me” and i say “i dont know what you want me to say” and SHE GOES “I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT ITS ME BC I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU” so i just. die. right then and there. also yknow we talk about it and its like after 1 am and im just happier than i’ve ever been. ok so 2 days later she asks me out Officially and its great and shes the cutest gf ever and she made me feel more wanted than i’d ever felt in my entire life. then 6 days later she sends me a big big big text on tumblr and long story short (bc it was kinda personal), she would be deleting her all social media for the summer.

so she was gone. and we had only dated for a week at this point, but we’d known each other for 2 months, and i already loved her. i already knew she was the love of my life. i didnt even try to move on, i’d tell people i didnt wanna move on cuz i knew i was meant to love her. i had another blog like this that i used to talk about how much i loved and missed her (so like. exactly like this). i literally reasoned with myself that like. that happened because before i met her i was in a really bad place after a terrible relationship and i was almost giving up on finding someone who actually made me feel loved bc i thought it would never happened, so i was like “ok so i was in a really bad place, so the universe brought my soulmate a little early just for a while so that i would know i had to hold on, and when its actually time for us to be together, it will bring us to each other once again” like i actually told myself that, in those words. and yknow what? i wasnt even wrong. on july 15th she texted me from an empty tumblr with her old url and at first i literally couldnt believe it but we talked for hours and hours and i asked her what happened bc i thought she was disconnecting for the summer and she said “i was. i am. i just couldnt not talk to you anymore” and she said that she thought about me every single day, and i told her i missed her and she said she didnt text sooner bc she thought i’d be angry at her and ofc i wouldnt, i could never be angry at her and besides, she was just taking care of herself and i said i dont think i could be anything less than head over heels for for, and she said she felt the same way, but wasnt ready to be more than friends yet. but that had always been more than enough for me. just having her in my life would always be more than enough for me. so we stayed friends.

then, on august 9th i got this ask.

and she saw it after i said i was gonna go to bed (bc again, i had school the next day) and she texted me a whole thing about how that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and that i should be asleep but she had to get it out of her chest and that her anxiety made it hard for her to show how much i meant to her so she was sorry if i didnt know and this would probably make no sense but she was tired of keeping it to herself bc shes the luckiest person alive for having met me and that it was gonna be so hard because shes so difficult (shes not) and her anxiety is difficult but that she literally spent every night thinking about me and of buying plane tickets to come see me so that she could be with me. then she was like “im sorry if this is uncomfortable to you and you can just ignore it but i think im in love with you and this is over text and not romantic at all (it was the most romantic night of my life) but you’re asleep (i wasnt) and we arent together but i want to be one day” and until this i was Trying to fall asleep and then i checked my phone that kept RINGING and died a thousand times over and started to answer and she sent other texts saying “i’ve never felt this way about anyone before i’m so in love with you its fucking ridiculous and this is gonna be so complicated but fuck i want this so bad / i’m sorry it took me so long / would you move to new york with me?” and i was This Close to literally fucking exploding like. how the hell was this happening how was it not a DREAM. so we talked and i obviously said i loved her too and eventually she asked me out and thats still probably the best night of my life. other highlights: “i’ve loved you way before august 9th so jot that down” and “off topic but i love you / you’re honestly my other half” and, after i said “you cant make me laugh its 2am”, she answered “i’m going to make you laugh for the rest of your life so help me god” and thats my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me probably and so far she’s kept her word.

anyways we got back together and then she told me that she never even told her friends she broke up with me??? bc that way she could keep pretending we were still together???? literally like sjdksndk imagine being this loved. i dont have to. anyways she wrote poems abt me sometimes and her christmas gift for me was gonna be a book with all her poems and she called it “what we owe to each other” because of the good place (remember how i said it’d be relevant later? its later) bc like she said that when we were watching tgp together on rabb.it thats when she realized that she Really Truly liked me like For Real. and the inscription on the book was going to be “to the girl i love / and what i owe her” and. yall. i cry. anyways one of the poems had a huge impact on us. heres the story:

and she got them but we broke up before she got to mail them to me. what happened was she had some mental health problems and she said she couldnt give me what i needed at the time but knew i’d still give her my all bc thats just how i am and she thought it wouldnt be fair so she broke things off to work on her mental health. she said she would need some time before we could be friends. the last thing we said was that we loved each other. this was in like november 2018, and we didnt talk for months. i actually tried to move on this time after a while, but it didnt take. and then i gave up for good. havent tried since. but anyways, then, on march 11th, 2019, i had my first day of college back in my home country, and we have this “pranks”/games that seniors get to do to the freshmen, and one of them required eggs, and they asked us to paint them, so i panted mine as iron man bc it was easy, but c LOVES iron man. like. LOVES. like in a Whole New Level of loving. once when we were dating she said she loved me more than tony stark and i was like. shook. like she tattooed “T.S” on her ankle after him. u get the point. she loves him very much, its adorable and endearing and i love it. anyways. so i sent her a picture of it saying like “you dont have to answer this but i made this for my university and i thought you would like it” and she answered and IMMEDIATELY something clicked and we talked and talked and talked and it was never weird or awkward or uncomfortable. it never is with her. its incredible, i cant explain it. i Know shes my soulmate like thats the ONLY possible explanation for this kind of connection. its unreal. anyways. we became friends again! all was well.

then one beautiful night she drunk texts me sndjkajs she sends me so many texts and says it sucks that we live so far away and that she saw my posts (in this particular case, one that said something about like. when she talked about love now, was it about someone else?) and she said that it wasnt. and then she went to sleep and i only saw the texts when i woke up and i was DYING bc we had a 4 hour difference and it’d take a while for her to wake up. when she did, we talked and she said she wasnt over me and was scared she might never be, and even though we were still gonna stay friends, it was nice to know that she still loved me. ok so fast forward a bit more and i was starting to wonder if she’d moved on again, when she finds out her best friend had a crush on her, and that conversation ends up with her saying “it was 100% platonic for me / sorry if thats weird i just wanted you to know that” and it was NOT weird it was GREAT NEWS bc i was Hella jealous of her best friend and at first i wondered if they were dating and anyways the fact that she wanted me to know that was a pretty good hint that she still had feelings for me. ngl im still somewhat jealous of h (c’s best friend), but thats just bc im an insecure lil bitch and also bc they get to go out and do stuff together that i cant do with c bc of the distance, yknow? but anyways. then she went on a graduation trip in mid to the end of june and she bought me a magnet. just. out of nowhere. i cannot stress enough how Incredibly unexpected this was. so much so that i actually convinced myself that it meant she was over me????? literally. what the fuck. anyways we named him together and coincidentally (or bc of soulmate powers. who knows) we both had the same favorite names. i still love that.

okay so then we go to july 29th, 2019. first of all theres one of my favorite interactions Ever which was like after i was venting about something and i was thanking her and i said “you’re always here for me” to which she answered “nowhere else i’d rather be” and i still think thats peak romance and i will take no criticism on this. anyways so then she sent me a poem that she wrote based on a song i’d sent her (the song i called “heaven is a place” and its the BIGGEST mood for being in love and i sent it to her bc it was how i felt about her so her writing a poem about it?? literally the best thing ever. love it) anyways it was a beautiful poem and i cried and got very emotional and kinda went too far in my compliments (aka being very obvious about my romantic feelings) and then i was like oh no sorry if i made u uncomfortable and she was like. “you have NEVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER made me uncomfortable” “you’re the only person on planet earth i am comfortably myself around” and “there’s nothing you could ever say that i wouldn’t wanna hear” and anyways it was just very good and romantic conversation even tho we were just cough cough platonic hashtag gal pals hashtag no homo ✌️ and then she was like ok wait. i need to talk to u abt something. and in short she said she was waiting for us and i was like well what are you waiting for exactly? and she was like idk?? for us to accidentally bump into each other in new york in a few years?? WHICH WAS LITERALLY WHAT I’D DAYDREAM ABOUT BACK IN JUNE 2018 BEFORE SHE CAME BACK OKAY so anyways we had a Great conversation and said i love you about a thousand times each and she decided she was gonna buy tickets to come see me. and then she dID like TWO DAYS LATER. lichrally. queen of impulsivity but in the best way possible.

—————

ok quick edit here cuz i forgot to say that when i found out she was coming i asked for my mom’s help to make a necklace pendant for her from scratch. my mom works with prosthetics so she has the material to make jewelry and back when c and i were dating in 2018 i had made this lil design for a necklace that had the moon and the ocean (bc duh) and i was gonna give it to her for valentines day in 2019 but we broke up before that so i didnt get the chance, but when i found out i was meeting her i knew i had to. so i made the necklace in wax, like this:

and my mom took it to her work and heated it up to melt it and keep the shape of it to fill with silver, and this was the result:

i gave it to her when she got here and she wore it while she was here and it made me so happy. ok edit over

—————

ok so we kept being like couple-y but not officially in a relationship bc we didnt want to make her anxiety worse. also at one point she was like “so about the ‘i love you more than the moon/ocean’ thing, since we BOTH love BOTH of the moon AND the ocean, i think its only Fair if we update our love declarations to ‘i love you more than the mocean’ bc its mix of both but thats not a word, buT its pronounced exactly like ‘motion’. therefore we should both start saying ‘i love you more than the motion’”. so now we have both the wonderful, romantic, original version, and the NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL DO U HEAR ME C??? version :) and after this day she always started with the WORST!!!!!! version, and i always started with the Only Valid Version, but we’d still answer each other’s ofc because. well. thats love i gues?? it sorta goes like this though: her: i love you more than the motion / me: i hate u / me: i literally hate u so much / me: i Also love you more than the motion

but anyways she was coming to visit me but the plane ticket wasnt for my home country it was for where i was going to university at (a new university, i was starting over) and when i first got here on this campus, i didnt have a working phone number for this country, and i wouldnt be able to access the wifi for 3 days, so i had no way of talking to her. it was TERRIBLE and i missed her more than anything in my LIFE but when i got wifi (after CRYING to the people here bc theyre the most unorganized uni ever and i was already very overwhelmed and stressed) i immediately called her and she’d sent me over 100 text messages dkfjssjks it was amazing, there were two (2) videos of her singing (which is like. objectively the best thing in the world, and the song was rlly romantic and i love it sm when she showed it to me for the first time she said it made her think abt me), a poem, AND a HUGE text with “i love you” written like. a THOUSAND TIMES. seriously i have a gif of it opening and scrolling bc it was so long that the text wouldnt show up directly on the chat screen and u have to click on it to see the rest. i’d never felt more loved in my entire life by anyone ever. anyways so then it came the day for her to get here and i had to wake up at 5 am to go get her at the airport and the uber was like $40 but who CARES it was the best day of my LIFE and i got there 20 minutes earlier bUT GUESS WHAT SO DID SHE (hashtag just soulmate things) then we facetimed the entire time while she was walking through the airport and getting her luggage and then she hung up to walk to the door where i was and we hugged for like 5 minutes and we were totally in people’s way and also almost fell but it was the best thing in the world and i never should’ve let her go. but, we had to go home, so i did. and we spent 4 days together and im not gonna go into details bc this is already too long but u can always send me another ask about her visit if ur not a coward. also i bought her a hoodie from my uni and whenever she wears it i just. die. in short, those days were the happiest i’ve ever been. this campus res had never felt like home before that friday and it hasnt again since that monday, but i swear to god, during those 4 days, this was the only place i could possibly belong.

anyways then she left and i cried for the entire uber ride home and then i cried all day. lmao. also when she was here she gave me the poetry book, the magnet, and the bracelet. still wear the bracelet every single day and i love it more than anything. but then personal stuff happened and we kinda stopped being couple-y again and we’re just friends now but before new years i asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and she said she’d tell me if it changed so ✌️✌️ im assuming it hasnt. even tho my brain is a bitch and everyday its like. today. today is the day. this is when its gonna happen. buT yknow we’ve spent months before without even talking to each other and we got through that still in love, so i mostly ignore it. and tbh i know that actually like, even if we grow apart now (god forbid, but still) we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. like, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: nothing, not even the universe itself, can convince me that shes not my soulmate. and even if it turns out i’m not hers, loving her is still the greatest honor i can think of.

another edit: also i started drawing recently and the first person i’ve ever finished drawing was her and also (surprise surprise @c since you’re already seeing all my feelings anyway) bc of my second drawing i almost missed the deadline for one of my midterms (which was a take-home test) bc instead of writing it i spent the entire day before the deadline finishing the drawing which was a secret valentines day gift (secret as in she didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, she thought it was just a drawing inspired by a quote that she loves) and i finished at 2 am but shes 3 hours behind so for her it was still 11 pm which MEANS it was still valentines day so it still counts, i win, lesbian rights!

#mine #l #answered #dont rb #i dont think anyone will but this is personal and i dont want to risk it getting out #i wanna have this bc i love telling people this story and next time someone asks i’ll just send them this post

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justauthoring · 6 years

Text

Content // Gilbert Blythe (4/4)

Original Prompt: idk if you’ll like this but ive been thinking abt it so,, anne and the reader were best friends at the orphanage and when the Cuthberts accept anne, all she talks abt is the reader and how she misses them so they’re like what the heck and adopt the reader too. so eventually the reader meets anne’s friends and they’re all besties. then the reader meets gilbert and they have an eventual relationship. it’s a lot sorry!! ily and your writing!💞

THIS IS A MINI-SERIES: one - two - three - final

Please don’t plagiarize my work - I spend a lot of my time writing, copying and pasting destroys that. If you want to repost my work. please ask first - but even then I might say no.

Word Count: 3,911

Tag List: @wyattgoleft - @xanatheisticblur - @stranger-marvel - @drabby-abby - @chaotictozier - @theedogmother - @angsty-otters-blog - @shirley-cuthbert-blythe - @fandomnerdsarecool Like to be added to the TagList? Message me letting me know!

Months passed.

As time went on, the pain lessened. You were able to distract yourself with other things. Of course, the agony had burned deep in your chest at first. Your mind had constantly been filled with thoughts of Gilbert, and you found it hard to focus on anything but him and how hurt you were that he’d left without a single word.

During the time, Green Gables had been saved by taking in boarders. Anne had even mentioned something about seeing Gilbert when her and Jerry had gone into town to sell off some valuables. She’d mentioned that he’d asked about you, but you’d brushed her off. You hadn’t been ready to talk about Gilbert at that time, and truthfully you still weren’t.

The rumour of gold being in Avonlea had come and gone. During the time of the rumour, Anne had tried to convince you to send a letter to Gilbert. She professed that if there really was gold in Avonlea, he had every right to know. And while she was right, Gilbert did have every right to know, you didn’t want to be the one to tell him.

You couldn’t quite explain it. But there was just so much burning rage that constantly filtered through you when someone brought up his name, that you couldn’t even stand to utter it yourself.

He’d left you. Just like that. Without a word, or even a simple letter. The last words Gilbert had ever said to you was “i’ll see you tomorrow”. And then, you never had.

You didn’t want to talk to him. You’d rather wallow in your self pity and anger.

Gilbert’s disappearance hadn’t been all bad too. You grew exceptionally closer with Diana and Ruby, and you and Anne had rekindled your friendship. After a long talk about what had gone wrong, and about how both of you felt during the time of your argument, you both agreed that you’d both been in the wrong. Anne had ignored you for Diana and Ruby, and thus, you’d ignored her for Gilbert. It’d been a miscommunication on both of your parts.

Now, the two of you were as close as ever. It was just like it’d been back in the orphanage - attached at the hip.

You walked to school together, sat in class together and then the two of you would spend some time with Diana, sometimes Ruby and your new friend Cole.

Anne ended up sending that letter to Gilbert. Not that you cared.

It ended up being useless anyways in the end. It had all been a trick, and your boarders had come up with the story to earn some cash. Which, unfortunately, they had.

Anyways, time had passed. Gilbert, though never leaving your mind, wasn’t your full concern anymore. You pushed him to the very back and deepest depths of your mind and focused on your family, friends and school. You were constantly thinking about what you wanted to be when you were older and if you wanted to go to college or not.

Though, you never forgot about, nor would you ever forget about Gilbert... you moved on with your life.

“It isn’t that bad.”

“I look mortifying.”

“Honestly,” you sighed, rolling your eyes. “You look fine, Anne. The short hair suits you.”

With her hand on top of her hat, to prevent you from pulling the hat off yourself, Anne scoffed at your words. “I look ridiculous,” she sighed, lips curled downwards in a deep frown. “If no boy wanted to kiss me before, they definitely don’t now.”

You couldn’t help but sigh again. You were tired of hearing Anne talk so ill of herself. None of what she said was true. “You’re beautiful, Anne. Even now,” you whispered, tone sincere. “And don’t even try to argue with me. I’m always right.”

Anne chuckled, shaking your head. “While I appreciate the comment, I am inclined to disagree.”

“What did I say about arguing?”

“Not to do it?”

“Exactly.”

“Nonetheless,” Anne continued, letting her hand fall by her side. “There’s Diana.”

You followed the point of her finger, a small smile falling on your lips when you saw Diana waiting for the both of you by the front of the school house. She seemed somewhat nervous, and you figured it had to do with the fact that she’d yet to see what Anne’s hair looks like.

“Come on then,” you announced, tilting your head ever so slightly when the two of you grouped with Anne. “Let’s go on in.”

The two girls followed you, none of those inside the school batting either of you an eyelash as Anne immediately ran to the confines of the coat hooks. She gripped onto her hat tightly as both you and Diana came to a stand before her.

“Surely it can’t be that bad,” Diana spoke, voice soft.

“I’m a monstrosity, Diana,” Anne exclaimed, and you huffed, shoulders dropping. “in fact, you best forget me now and forever. You too, Y/N. I’d never, ever want to bring this humiliation upon you both too.”

“Oh, hush up,” you snapped, reaching forward. You caught Anne off guard, managing to snag her hat off her head before she could stop you. Both Diana and Anne both gasped in response. Anne in indignation towards you, and Diana in surprise at Anne’s hair.

“See?” You quirked a brow, leaning forward to hang Anne’s hat on her coat hook. “You look fine.”

Anne shook her head, fiddling with her fingers nervously as Diana sighed. Reaching back, she pulled the blue tie around her half-pony tail, letting it come undone. “I made a promise to never forsake thee,” she smiled, wrapping the ribbon around Anne’s head and tying it at the top. “Besides... it’s only hair. It’ll grow back soon.”

“That’s what I said.”

With a nervous smile, Anne shook her head lightly. “Not nearly soon enough.”

In the next second, you found yourself walking through the crowd of students. Something seemed to have caught their attention, and Diana walked through ahead, creating a small path for both you and Anne. Anne held onto your hand tightly, squeezing tightly as you pushed your way through the crowd. And as walked, with your head dipped down, you never caught word of what was being said around you.

Or who it was being said about.

You continued to walk, until you seemed to notice that someone had stepped up to you. And slowly, you looked up from your feet.

Nothing could’ve prepared you for who you saw.

Your hand slipped from Anne’s hand, falling by your side as your lips parted and your eyes widened.

“Y/N...”

“Gilbert...” His name left your lips in a barely audible whisper. You lips moved more than actually saying anything, and for a long while, you found yourself rooted at that spot, unable to move.

Never had you thought that you’d see Gilbert again.

Surely, you should’ve known it was a possibility. There was no guarantee that Gilbert would never come back to Avonlea, especially with his dad’s farm. Not to mention the letter Anne had sent him. But you figured, in your rage induced mind, you hadn’t thought it would actually happen.

Yet, here he was. Gilbert Blythe was standing directly before you with a small little smile on his lips.

The entire crowd of students was looking at the two of you. Part of you realized that you’d managed to get the attention taken off of Anne, but you hadn’t wanted it to be on you, either.

You almost wanted to turn and run when Gilbert took a step towards you, practically closing the little bit of distance that had existed between the two of you. The sudden urge to cry right there and then ate you up, and you felt your eyes water as you desperately tried to fight back the urge.

You didn’t know if you were angry or relieved to see Gilbert.

“It’s uh,” Gilbert stammered, trying to find the words. “It’s really good to see you, Y/N.”

You didn’t say anything. An entire moment of silence passed as you stood there. Your eyes glanced around all those staring back at you until they landed on Gilbert once again.

And then you turned and ran.

You didn’t stop. You ignored Gilbert, who called your name, and Anne and Diana who followed you out to the steps as you continued running. You didn’t even know where you were going, you just let your feet lead you wherever they needed to go.

You eventually ended up in the little fort Anne had created.

The moment you reached there, you halted, your chest rising and falling. You looked all around yourself, trying to understand what you were feeling. You’d never felt this way before, and you didn’t know how to explain it. It felt like something was crawling up the back of your throat, and you just wanted to scream.

Screw him. Screw that jerk for coming back and acting as if he hadn’t just left you for dust. Like he hadn’t broken your heart.

The tears came streaming down your cheeks before you could stop yourself. And for a long while, you didn’t move. You just stood there, sobs leaving your lips, your lips trembling in response as you rocked on the spot. Your entire body shook, both from the cold and because of your tears, but you didn’t care.

You didn’t care that you’d left school early, either. Actually, it felt good to be alone for once.

Everything hurt, sure. But it felt like you could actually think. As you stood there, you tried to understand why you were so angry. At Gilbert, specifically. Why seeing him there, in that classroom, had hurt and angered you so much all at once.

But you already knew the answer, and you’d said it that day way back when he’d first left.

You loved him. And it hurt to know that the boy you’d fallen in love with didn’t seem to care about you as much as you did. If Gilbert had, he wouldn’t have left you without a single word. Through person or letter.

And the worst part was, you still loved him. Even after all these months.

Marilla had lectured you long and hard after that day. But when you fell into her skirt, clutching onto her legs, crying, her harsh words seemed to fall dead on the tip of her tongue.

Time passed once again. You returned to school the next day, and promptly ignored Gilbert when he tried to talk to you. He continued to try and talk to you for the rest of the day and the days to come after that, but you never gave him the time of the day.

Anne wondered if you were taking it too far, that maybe it was time to forgive him, but you didn’t think so. So, you didn’t change anything.

And it ended up working for you. Eventually, Gilbert gave up trying to talk to you, but he never stopped staring at you longingly from afar. You were fully aware of his staring, since you could feel it on your back during class. But you ignored it. Pushed it to the back of your mind.

Your silent treatment had worked, at least, until Marilla had decided to invite Gilbert and his new friend, Bash, over for christmas.

“Anne,” Marilla called, voice exasperated, “do go and see what Y/N is doing.”

“Will do,” Anne replied, bouncing up to her feet. She sent Bash a bright and excited smile before bounding her way over to the stairs and practically dashing up them. You could hear her loud stomping from your bedroom, and you sighed, already knowing that you would have to come down. Whether you liked it or not.

“Y/N,” Anne sang teasingly, knocking on your door. “Marilla’s calling for you.”

You didn’t reply. Instead, you remained sat on your bed, your arms crossed over your chest with a deep frown. Essentially, you were pouting.

“She sounded cross.”

Huffing, you dropped your hands by your side, allowing yourself a moment of childish pouting. Then, “i’m coming,” you finally answered, pushing yourself up to your feet grumpily. You stomped all the way over to your bedroom door, swinging it open with another huff and glowering down at Anne as she smirked brightly up at you.

“Gilbert’s here, you know.”

Stepping past her, you set your lips into a thin line. “I’m fully aware.”

“He wouldn’t stop looking for you,” Anne continued, her voice light with amusement. “Every five seconds he was looking at the stairs in wonder, practically begging for you to walk down the stairs.”

“I understand, thank you.”

“He’ll be so happy-”

“Anne,” you snapped, sending her a quick glare. With the grin never leaving her lips, Anne yielded, holding her hands by her side as she chuckled quietly to herself.

You turned your head back round, taking a deep breath to steel yourself, before making your way down the stairs. You felt your chest tighten with nerves, unsure of how the night would play out, as you reached the bottom of the stairs. The moment you looked up, you regretted it, and the great urge to turn and run back up the way you came surged through you. But the moment you turned to do so, Anne was standing there, arms crossed over her chest with a quirk brow.

“I thought we were friends,” you grumbled.

“We are,” she nodded, “that’s why i’m doing this.”

“Y/N, is that you?”

At the sound of Marilla’s voice, you snapped into action. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you made your way into the living room, eyes on your feet.

“There you are!” Marilla exclaimed, clicking her tongue. “We have company, Y/N. Where were you? And, for Godsake child, do look up.”

Sighing, you obliged, raising your head. The first thing you saw was Gilbert’s eyes on you and you quickly placed your attention on the man sat next to him, one you could only assume was the famous Bash himself.

“This is Gilbert, as you know,” Marilla introduced, standing up as she gestured before herself. “And his friend, Sebastian.”

Said man stood to his feet as well, extending his hand out towards you. “Bash, if you don’t mind,” he smiled, and you felt some of your tenseness fall away as your own lips curled into a soft smile. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Y/N.”

Accepting the man’s hand, you nodded; “you as well, Bash.”

“Now, what do we all say about having some supper?”

With a polite smile, Bash clapped his hands together before him. “It all smells so delicious.”

“Wonderful,” Marilla nodded, stepping past you. “If you’ll follow me,” she guided, gesturing before herself once again before her eyes fell on you. “And Y/N, because of your tardiness, you can blow out on the candles on the tree please.”

You nodded, sighing slightly to yourself as you walked past Bash and over to the Cuthbert’s christmas tree. You, as you usually were, weren’t oblivious to the eyes that remained on you, mentally wishing Gilbert would just follow the rest and leave you alone.

“Y/N-”

“Shouldn’t you be heading to dinner?”

Gilbert sighed, and before you knew it, he’d stepped up beside you. You turned to ignore him, raising your hand out to blow one of the candles, but Gilbert caught your arm. It elicited a soft gasp from your lips as Gilbert gently turned you towards him. “Please,” he started, voice pleading. “I just want to talk. I haven’t been able to-”

“I’m busy now,” you cut him off, turning your head to scarcely avoid his gaze. “Besides, this is hardly the time. Marilla will be vexed if we take too long.” You said nothing more, and didn’t let Gilbert try to stop you once again as you turned, blowing out one of the candles. You continued to do so, working across the christmas tree and noticing, out of the corner of your eye, Gilbert doing the same.

There was only one candle left, and before you knew it, both you and Gilbert were leaning forward, blowing out the single candle at the same time. Silence seemed to echo as you looked up, meeting his eyes. For a moment, you were reminded of all the times you’d ever spent with the boy. Of when you’d first met him, and when you’d joined his dad and him for supper. And so many more.

You remembered why you loved him.

Then, Gilbert leaned back, and his eyes softened lovingly as a small smile danced on his lips. You blinked, snapping out of your stupor as you coughed slightly, brushing back a strand of lose hair out of your eyes.

“I know you won’t listen,” Gilbert said, pulling his eyes on you. “I was always better at it anyway,” he teased gently, and you hated the way a smile threatened to grow on your own lips.

You were suppose to be angry at him.

“But, I hope this will change your mind.”

Your lips parted when Gilbert pulled his hand out of his pocket, extending it towards you. A small little box laid in the palm of his hand, wrapped up in brown paper and tied off with rope. A little card that read your name was attached.

Slowly, you reached up, taking the gift out of his hands as your eyes darted up to meet his own in bewilderment.

“Anyways,” Gilbert whispered, “best be getting back.”

He turned then, his back facing you as he made his way to the kitchen. Your eyes fell back to the gift, staring at it in wonder before you heard Marilla call your name, announcing it was dinner and you quickly turned, crouching down to set it under the christmas tree.

Later that night, when everyone else was asleep, you crouched down before the tree, picking Gilbert’s present up. You let it lay in the palm of your hand for a moment, just staring at it, before you leaned back, falling on your bum. Setting the candle down beside you, you set the present on your lap, pulling the two ends of the rope until it untied. Then, you gently ripped the wrapping paper apart.

You hesitated a second longer, staring at the black box in wonder. What could Gilbert possibly have gotten you?

Taking the lid off, a small gasp left your lips when you saw what he had. There, in the box, laid a necklace. A small apple was the charm, and the chain was gold in colour. It was an odd necklace, if you were being honest, unlike anything you’d ever seen before, and you idly wondered how Gilbert had managed to find one of the like.

You pulled the necklace out of the box, gazing at it in disbelief for a moment before wrapping it around your neck. The moment it was secure, you couldn’t help but glance at it once again, holding it up before something else caught your eye. Picking up the box once again, you felt a small smile fall on your lips as you read the writing inside.

Because I know you like apples.

G.B.

“Y/N?”

With a nervous smile, you glanced up at Gilbert, meeting his eyes. “Gilbert,” you replied, nodding your head slightly.

Gilbert paused a moment, glancing inside his house for a second before stepping out and shutting the door behind him. You stepped back yourself, allowing him some room as he turned his attention back to you. He didn’t seem displeased at the sight of you, more shocked then anything. “What are you doing here?”

“I opened your gift.”

Gilbert’s lips parted and his eyes lit with realization.

Raising your hand, you pulled the necklace out from the bundles of your clothing and jacket, revealing it to Gilbert. “I put it on last night and haven’t taken it off since,” you explained with a soft smile. “It’s lovely, thank you.”

“Well, i’m glad you like it.” Gilbert nodded, obviously confused as he returned your smile with a small one of his own.

Shoulders dropping, you knew you just needed to get on with it. “I know i’ve been ignoring you,” you started, surprising Gilbert. “I know that I haven’t been all that kind to you since you returned, and obviously, it’s confused you. But the reason why I ignored you was because I was hurt, Gilbert. Hurt that you left.”

Gilbert opened his mouth to say something, but you cut him off;

“Maybe I didn’t have a right to be,” you shrugged, “but I was. Nothing can change. You left without a single word, without even a note. And I know, now at least, that it was something you needed to do. That you couldn’t be here after everything. After your father. That you were lost. But that day, at school, you acted like nothing had happened. Like you could return and i’d forget all about the fact that you left without even telling me.”

Gilbert didn’t say anything for a moment, seemingly stuck in his thoughts. Then he sighed, and whispered; “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

With a sad smile, you nodded. “I know.”

“You know?”

“Now,” you corrected, with a small smile. “I didn’t sleep last night. After opening your gift and seeing this, it made me think. I understand now why you left, without saying a word.”

Gilbert smiled softly, eyes hopeful.

“But, Gilbert... I have to tell you this because I don’t know when i’ll find the courage to do so again.”

“...Yes?”

“The reason why I was so hurt... why Anne sent you that letter and not me, or why i’ve been ignoring you, is because... because, i’m in love with you, Gilbert Blythe.” You confessed, chest tight with nerves. Biting your lip, you rose your gaze from the ground back to Gilbert’s own. “And when you left, I was scared i’d never see you again.”

Everything felt eerily silent the moment you finished speaking. You gazed up at Gilbert, hopeful, anticipating his words.

But he never said anything. Instead, Gilbert just closed the distance between the both of you and pressed his lips against your own. The action stunned you, so much so that your entire body tensed in response, as Gilbert’s hands came up to cup your cheeks.

He was pulling away in the next second, a small smirk on his lips as he gazed down at you.

And, with burning red cheeks, you stumbled over your words. “That... Th-That, um, oh my... That-”

“I love you too, Y/N,” Gilbert interrupted your rambling with a soft smile. With his hands never leaving your cheeks, he let his thumb stroke your cheek, smile mesmerizing. “And i’m sorry for hurting you. F-For leaving without a word.”

Shaking your head, you regained your dignity, and you raised your own hand, clasping it over Gilbert’s. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

After a moment of just staring into each other’s eyes, Gilbert pulled back, his hand slipping into your own and falling back his side. “Would you like to come in for dinner?” He offered, tilting his head to the side. “Bash would love to meet you, properly.”

“Anne did do a lot of the talking, didn’t she?”

Chuckling, Gilbert nodded; “yeah, she did.”

“Well,” you started, taking a deep breath in. “I’d love to, then.”

that’s it!

let me know what you thought? remember, reblogging always helps!

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stigmatvm · 2 years

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🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

- i think people are way too quick to overestimate the malice of other people on this website. dont get me wrong ive been guilty of it but as a professional opinion haver i dont post VAGUES about people. sometimes what other people do REMIND me of the topic at hand but the majority of it is me going thing -> memory of thing from past -> entire argument extrapolated in my brain based on that thing -> opinion. i dont even remember who posted the original half the time. also like having a difference of opinion wont kill us i genuinely dont consider disagreeing to be like, a friendship breaker. i just think shit and say it.

and in personal experience im also way too quick to jump the gun to someone hating me or talking shit abt me but like...we all have real lives to worry about we all go to the grocery store. i dont think ppl have the time or energy to bother thinking abt me.

i think more of us should live by the idea of occam's razor: the simplest solution is usually the correct one. and the simplest solution is rarely a seething and plotted hatred for another person

- that being said i do think some ppl get ridiculously mad at the idea that just bc u werent outright bigoted that ppl dont have the right to be annoyed or mad at u in return. like re: the ableism in rp spaces thing i know at least 6 other disabled people who had to quit rping on tumblr bc aesthetics made things so inaccessible and at this point i think we have every right to be upset when ppl disregard our opinions or complain about how accessible text "looks bad". its demeaning

- ummmm idk whats unpopular these days.....if ur still a harry potter fan in 2022.....read something else how much bigotry does this woman have to platform before you grow up. like idc how much nostalgia you have im not attaching nostalgia to a property that now has "main character has stuffed antisemitic caricature heads in their room in this open world video game" .

-i think critical thinking in fandom spaces is ass. like just in general browsing the tags is a shitshow and more importantly i think people get the idea in their head that if fandom is supposed to be "escapist" then their actions cant harm people. assflash newshole: they do. and when you refuse to think critically about yourself and the people around you you just turn a blind eye to harmful behavior. this goes for whichever spectrum of fandom ur own btw been there done that. insular internet communities are next level crazy

-i dont think u can be "centrist or neutral" on the whole "proshipper/antishipper" thing. i dont. idc anyone who is "neutral" on the idea of published cp or incest or what have u is a fucking weirdo in my book. ive got a lot of thoughts on the topic and also a lot of sources but this post is already long as hell but idc idc 0 tolerance for sexual content that can harm children and/or that exploits rape. idc.

- if you say purity culture and u arent using it in the context of religious abuse im killing you with my mind beams. btw

#dogmas opinions #wow that got heavy o well

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varricttethras · 7 years

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tell me abt ur ocs

@demolosse

SOUP U POOR SOUL THIS WILL BE LONG :‘3c lately! im focused on my fallout ocs in particular !! and i have 6 of them including my sole survivor which is basically my self insert :’-) but anyhow ripley and sam are my synth ocs, vex and cherry are my ghouls, celeste and ash are humans

- sam is a black gay trans man and he was a courser for a few years but eventually he started realizing how messed up stuff was and he finally split off from the institute. once he was out, he got a face change, started transitioning and wandered on his own for a bit until he finally happened across celestes family farm. one thing led to another and they pretty much took him in. he was perfectly happy to stay there basically forever but when celeste wanted to get out and have an adventure, he decided to stick with her.overall hes a cheerful, talkative, sweet person! hes super affectionate and dedicated towards people he cares about. hes gentle but by no means a pacifist, he’s earned a reputation in several places for being very effective with his ridiculously souped up laser rifle.

- ripley is a south asian pan woman. she was a scientist for the institute who studied radiation and died from overexposure. her father couldnt deal with the loss though and carried out his own private pet project by stuffing some fragmented memories in a synth duplicates head. thats how synth ripley came about. she was fine for a while but things started falling apart fast and to make a long story short, she ended up escaping after things got too foul. she changed her name and headed off into the ruins. she kept getting into one fight after another for the next four months and after one in particular, a gunner shot her right eye out. she limped off to goodneighbor and thats where sam and celeste met her. shes stuck with them ever since.shes bitter and angry and likes to fight. has a habit of hoarding powerfists. even though she likes to think of herself as being a total stone cold bitch, she melts when it comes to celeste and sam.

- vex is a bi sioux woman that became a ghoul shortly after the bombs dropped. her real name is june porter but she changes it when she goes somewhere new. for a while, she ran with the followers of the apocalypse and had a relationship with another woman in the group. she had a bad crisis when she came close to getting them both killed out of her own carelessness and abruptly ended the relationship, left the followers, and went wandering off on her own. shes in the commonwealth now, hanging around forest grove marsh and spends her spare time laying traps for unsuspecting gunners and raiders.shes quiet and contemplative and can be snarky when the mood hits. has a particularly strong hatred for raiders. shes introverted and tends to isolate herself from others, despite being terribly lonely.

- cherry is an afrolatina lesbian that was a robotics student in college when the bombs dropped. she has a lot of memory loss and cant actually remember her name or who she exactly was before. she remembers having a sister, who was much less fortunate than her and ended up as a feral glowing ghoul, and going to college but other than that shes at a loss. shes traveled a good deal since the great war, originally living towards california. nowadays she hangs around the commonwealth with ash.shes vivacious and bubbly, has a persistent inability to take anything seriously. she figures life is already too crummy in general to spend it being a sad sack, so she might as well have fun with it while shes around.

- celeste is a black lesbian. she grew up on a farm with her two moms, an older brother and a baby brother, including sam whos basically another big bro. shes had a relatively quiet life thus far, excluding the odd few incidents with raiders thinking they could push around her moms (they couldnt). shes autistic and non verbal, so she uses sign language to communicate or writes things down in cases where someone cant understand her. shes a talented medic and has taken care of sam and ripley more times than either of them can count. shes also the one who stitched up ripley after she got her eye shot out.shes an adventurous energetic soul. shes incredibly clever and quick witted, which makes her a perfect fit for the leader in her little rag tag group. shes patient and loving and that makes her a precious light in sams and ripleys life.

- ash is a bi korean woman who grew up in vault 109. the vaults residents are raised under militant authority and are basically trained to be soldiers from childhood. ash is stubborn by nature and doesnt take very well to being ordered around, so she slipped out one night and never looked back. she loves modding her power armor and minigun, but she also loves makeup. its something of a coping mechanism. for the longest time, she wandered on her own until meeting up with cherry. the two have been inseparable for almost a year and have been having the time of their lives since meeting.ash can be a little stiff and formal at first but once she cuts loose, shes sarcastic as fuck and quick as a whip. shes boisterous, fun, and fiercely loyal.

- and my sole survivor is basically just me with tweaks to fo4’s storyline. her name is ruby and she was living with her sister when the bombs fell. now shes on a mission to get revenge for her sis and get her nephew back. shes really anxious and perpetually five seconds away from having a breakdown, but does eventually mellow out with some help from friends. with a bit of tutoring from maccready, she becomes a talented sniper but she also favors getting up close with a chain wrapped bat. shes allied with the railroad and joins up with the brotherhood solely to double cross them later. after the institute gets blown up, she disappears for almost two months and everyone thinks shes dead. she shows up at her own funeral like "hey guys im ok now lol"

COMBUSTS

#askies #fallout ocs #long post

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kkukkung · 7 years

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Im crying in the school bathroom rn I seriously love wonho so much I'm in pain why is he my ideal guy in every way he's so amazing and handsome and sweet but whO CARES BEVause he don't kno me haha am I right

big mood all the time im always in pain bc he rly................ doesn’t KNOW i would let him shave off my eyebrows if he wanted 2

tardy replies as usual under the cut!

(sorted from oldest to newest)

I wouldn't even care if wonho was a high maintenance boyf tbh I'd just sit and comb his hair all day and tell him he's pretty

hdjkfh this was so long ago but i think i was mostly kidding abt him being a high maintenance bf... like he would do so much giving? but i guess the only thing he’d need is constant reassurance that his s/o loves him imo jfdhgjk... i also think he’d b someone who either doesn’t settle down ever or does it very late in his life!

annie 🌹literary queen ❤️ literally crowned with a laurel wreath! not be drum attic but this midsummer nights monsta au is so!!!! give me sistar as the four star crossed lovers then drag me to h*ll and give me this doctor faustus au i'm itching for with kihyun as faustus and k.will as mephistopheles bc i love to watch my faves s*ffer but don't let me rip until i get my much ado about nothing au with the entire cast of starship ent and a lil cameo from giriboy!

(in refence to this monsta x as shakespearean archetypes ask!) fjdshgkjs shh i lov u... why is k will as mephistopheles so Accurate esp no.mercy k will lmao. um u should write all of these? in fact if... if anyone has mx literary aus.... hmu...... i’ll n*t

another thing about that incident is that it seems like the fan doesn't think Changkyun and Jooheon undersood them?? (an extension i guess they assumed they don't understand english very well) and that's pretty problematic. it seems to me that when they didn't respond the fan assumed they didn't understand and kept repeating it, as a joke. but they literally did That to the two with the most proficient english in the group... it's rly a mess all around. it's disrespectful through and through

(in relation to that gross “d*ddy” incident from a while ago) ik i feel like some intl fans think korea is a land completely culturally and linguistically alienated/divorced from the rest of the world or something and while cultural relativism is real to some extent... the idea that koreans are completely unaware of ~outside~ things is deeply racist. like mostly white ppl think that diasphoric poc are completely Different from them? when my mum went to the states 15 years ago some ppl literally asked her if there were newspapers in china lol...

i just randomly thought of monsta x as sesame street characters mostly bc i wanna see kihyun and wonho duke it out as bert and ernie (kihyun w/ the waste paper bin on his head and wonho asking 'where's the waste paper bin' and kihyun saying 'ask me that again and look into my eyes') and also minhyuk being elmo tbh...

JKGHKJDF PLEASe!!!! when will something like this b photoshopped... minhyuk as elmo is... spot on... i remember once elmo appeared on a now-discontinued late night talk show program i used to watch when i was in primary school and he was like “elmo likes wasabi, that’s why elmo has no eyebrows” and idk why ive never been able to forget this????? very lmh. also this made me think of a monsta x muppets au n minhyuk is the pic of ass-gape kermit.... next post of mine will b monsta x as kermit reaction pics

Hyungkyun is such an under appreciated ship. Like, they just get each other so well? Why do people overlook it. ㅠ.ㅠ Do you have a moment that made you ship them? How would you describe their dynamic?

it’s bc they’re intp x intj they don’t rly... Understand each other with minimal effort/real communication lmao it’s very efficient. both quiet lil darlings who aren’t emotionally That Open but enjoy their own little space together sometimes?? their dynamic is like... they’re weird in different ways but they’re v chill together. u can tell hyungwon is super fond of changkyun like he has this Expression when ck does anything at all.... i think these two rly love each other’s personalities bc they’re both kind/gentle/peaceful types and their overall ?? vibe is just highly compatible... they’re absolute darlings... v soft together... i can’t think of a favourite moment but i rly rly love their birthday messages for each other last year like changkyun’s message for hyungwon was like “ur rly cool bruh ur rly such a great person” and hyungwon’s message for changkyun was rly... just him obviously doting on him n finding him cute jksfdhg i lov them a lot :(

soyou: i know how to make hair pretty :))) knetz: dirty fckn iljin why can't she be out there being being PRODUCTIVE in society by having babies and learning how to be a good wife for her future husband ://// smh how dare she be successful now when i'm stuck doing what society wants me to do but also anonymously attacking ppl i don't personally know on the internet bc THATS respectable the irony of ugly knetz is so transparent

The whole thing about Knetz and wonho's "scandalous" past reminded me of something. As a PSA to those people who are so insistent and pushy that idols aren't allowed to have sex/date/be anything but straight: Fuck all of you. You do not own these people, and if you really cared about them you'd be happy if they were happy. Like tbh, if anyone that famous and busy could also balance out a relationship at the same time, I'd be so happy for them. It really bugs me how all idols are supposed (1/2)(2/2) have this squeaky clean innocent image where they have to look and act a certain way and have these stupid fucking dating bans because once they don't meet up to that image their success suffers. Idols already give up so much privacy, and the last thing they need is millions of people scrutinizing every little thing they do. I don't even know where I started this rant from, but basically, GIVE IDOLS PRIVACY AND DONT JUDGE THEM FOR THEIR PASTS OR FOR BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS OR WHATEVER

yeth ty for highlighting the gross obsession w purity and productivity (like the first anon said -- a very confucian sort of ideal)... i don’t rly have anything else to add here i think. also i would fight for soyou i fact i would fight lmh who said she was his ideal type in no.mercy era... she’s rly one of my faves and the way she was slandered for the hairdressing thing was one of the most ridiculous things knets ever did lmao honestly yuk

u a kihyun stan now👀👀👀

im a @fhiz stan it’s the same thing tbh

ahh so i saw your tags on that jh gifset! as one of the few jh stans (or maybe there are way more than i think there are lol) i rly love his "reversal charm." he has a lot of what i lack as a person: a strong presence and a lot of confidence! i respect him so much as a person alth i rag on him a lot LMAO. sorry if this is a bit long winded but i just rly wanted to put this out there ;;

this is rly cute i lov hearing ppl talk abt their faves lovingly it rly... Heals Me. i think it’s strange how underappreciated jooheon is in this fandom especially bc he’s usually the one who catches ur eye first bc he’s so hyped by starship as being a one-in-a-million talented rapper u know? and he rly shines in mvs and no.mercy but............. y does he have the least fansites jkfhdg ?? you’re v right abt the reversal charm thing but i feel like sometimes it’s very overdone like... on lots of shows he’s asked to do aegyo when rly he should be asked to... idk... rap or dance or something?? i actually think jooheon is the most serious member of monsta x sometimes bc he seems to have a sense that he’s.. the pillar of mx if that makes sense? and that’s why he’s always pushing himself and working tirelessly like he feels very Responsible for this group, more than anyone else. idk if that makes sense!!! i love him and i want him to... unwind a bit bc sometimes he looks so stressed and tired but he still feels the need to pretend to be energetic like my heart rly hurts for him :/ this got so emo im sry i do rly love to hear that u respect him sm i love jooheon stans :(

i can see what u mean about jooheon being 1 of the most masculine. (iirc u also talked abt kihyun being that in a post a while ago) like with his face and his physique he really is striking; his body=like that slim,upside-down Y that you'd learn to draw men w/ in Anatomy 101 , but i think.. ,--not that u asked, but,, i think the jury's still out on if he's comfortable w his masculinity with the way he acts feminine lyk misogynistic comedians Can sound like dead ringers for women,? idk & i take +

(not sure if there was a 2nd part to this? there’s nothing else in my inbox so i’m sry if there was and tumblr ate it) yeth i think i meant that his demeanor is the most ~~masculine~~ whereas i think kihyun is still the most... idk... mature-masculine?? if tht makes sense, and i definitely agree w u on that second point! i didn’t think of that at the time but now that i... do... think abt it... ur right and also the way he comes back from it by putting on the >swag demeanor again in an attempt to polarise it is definitely a bit 👀👀👀 he probably doesn’t want to risk his Manly Rapper Image for real u kno? that said it’s ingrained in kpop that behaving cute --> “girly” entails that sort of “comedic” high-pitched voice + compact body language etc.... like i’m not condoning that ofc but i definitely think it’s broader than this particular case! :/ hm

maybe i'd be doing better in school if i could major in kihyunology ;~; i stan him but i def think we still don't know much about him even after all this time after debut. especially when i look at him compared to wonho who wears his heart on his sleeve (bless him i love wonho sm, gotta protect this bun at all costs!!)...but ya it just makes me wanna learn more about him like who is the real kihyun??

i want to write a kihyun meta when i have time... i feel like i Get him a bit more these days but it’s also very hard to put into words bc u kno when u kinda sorta mb get some1 but it’s a feeling rather than anything conveniently expressable gkjdhfjk.... idk if anyone wants to send in some Kihyun Thoughts + Meta feel free! :>> i don’t think he’s actually... as complex as we sometimes make him out to be lol like his behaviour is actually kind of predictable? more on his later

wait is the february comeback actually true? ugh i'm so conflicted cuz on one hand i'm excited if there's really gonna be a full length album, but i also think they need more rest but then there's the matter of getting their first win and idk i'm super psyched but i'm also worried that the boys are being overworked

i still feel like they had a comeback like yesterday lol like looking at their schedules stresses me out bc they do so much..... im glad wonho got to go to his mum’s cafe recently tho! all we can do is have faith in them rn and when it’s time... stream, buy things if ur able to, spread the news and the hype etc. i am definitely Worried abt some things like the competition they’re up against but.... gotta have faith u kno... and i feel like all active idols are kind of... permanently worked very hard but i think currently only jooheon and shownu are a bit Overloaded. also has the date been confirmed yet... it’s february already...

#i planned 2 answer more but im... sleepy...#soon... i will... catch up... and make this blog neater + more navigation-friendly #ask #compilation #Anonymous

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tueeeeeee · 4 years

Text

i saw a writing meme abt a ship in various prompts and immediately applied it to shenzed lol some of the scenarios are in the past and entertain a lot of my personal headcanons. like this is basically just a masterpost of my headcanons

wordcount: 4k, not explicit but pretty nsfw

topics: fake dating, bodyswap, sexpollen, secret kinks, first kiss, au, dark fic, and a sick ass crossover with mkx

cw age gap, noncon, yandere zed

Fake dating: as students, shen would try so hard to prioritize the mission, which is good because zed has it running secondary to making sure their relationship is believable as possible. of course that involves throwing himself all over shen and demanding shen make ridiculous sounds in private because they're listening in, shen, give them a show, make it convincing, and shen even knows zed is just taking advantage of the situation but he's too committed to the job to turn him down in public and risk the facade, so he just rolls along with it and smiles lovingly at zed and that's actually worse because zed starts getting the mad dokis

if it's after the fall and they have to work together again, it'd probably be while they're hunting jhin and they actually have to fake that they're NOT dating. they're in disguises but shen the bara giant is pretty hard to not notice, so he's just sitting there trying to be all you know. ah it's just me, a farmer, completely single and alone, my boyfriend is totally not hiding in the shadows ready to fuck u up. or zed gets caught out alone and shen comes to the rescue a la mimi's beautiful amazing comic and "my boyfriend's back and ur gonna get in trouble" is just blasting in the bg

Bodyswap: if this is during their student days, they'd actually probably have a lot of fun with it. zed likes being able to look at himself from different angles and shen secretly likes it too until zed goes in front of a mirror and starts making expressions just to see what shen's face looks like when he's really surprised! or what he looks like when he's picking his nose, or sticking out his tongue, and shen is just desperately covering zed's face and begging him to stop making those faces while he’s in shen’s body and please don't do that in front of other people

zed doesn't do it front of other people because he wants to be the only one who knows what it looks like, of course, and when he's alone, he tries on other expressions. he wants to see what shen looks like when he's happy, and smiling, and laughing, and it feels forced in front of the mirror but seeing it makes his heart flutter anyways. wanting to see what shen looks like when he's happy quickly turns into wanting to see what shen looks like when he's horny and then zed just straight up masturbates in front of the mirror. thanks zed.

anyway shen plays with himself too but he tries not to at first, he's better than that, this is so wrong and zed is going to kill him – until he remembers zed would definitely and has probably already taken advantage of this and then he just touches himself everywhere to see if this area is something he likes or if it's just a particularly sensitive area on zed's body (which is knowledge he's gleaning just for the sake of knowledge, of course, n-not like he's planning on utilizing it or anything...)

while they were students shen almost exclusively topped since "the son of the headmaster shouldn't be on his knees" so later when zed convinces shen into playing around it's an absolute delight for zed to get to be the pitcher for once, even if he's basically fucking his own body. shen agrees just because he doesn't want to have to look at himself, and besides zed's body is already used to it so shen willingly bottoms and being the repressed little sub he is he just fucking loses it and breathlessly asks zed afterwards with tears in his eyes, "are you always that sensitive?" and zed is like ??? not enough to fuckin cry about it and thats how shen discovers he likes taking it up the bum

if it's after the fall of the kinkou they'd probably just try to experiment with each other's abilities, then realize that even though they have access to them they can't really harness the power the same way. like zed's clones are sentient, and when shen finally manages to make one it just stares back at him for a while and then starts laughing uncontrollably, "i thought something was odd. now how did this happen?" and shen is unamused and more than a little flustered at being made to feel incompetent when he can't control the shadow and it just keeps laughing at him in zed's voice.

meanwhile zed is excited to finally be able to see the spirits the way shen does, and he tries to walk the spirit realm and teleport and kind of just ends up concentrating himself into an aneurysm because he can't fucking figure it out and does the Old Man Yells At Cloud thing when he tries to talk to the spirits to get them to help him understand. they don't give a fuck about shen half the time so unsurprisingly, they don't pay any attention to zed either. also, zed would still masturbate in front of a mirror, except he does it furiously in this case

god im sorry that was so long but i just. i love the bodyswap trope so much o(-<

Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it: as students, pretty much everything between them has to be a competition so it's a battle of wills to not jump each other and zed tries to goad shen on by playing up but being that close to each other just makes it worse. zed devolves into pretty much just clinging onto shen and begging him to please give in

shen doesn't want any of it, not when they're being made to feel that way, but zed insists that it isn't making him feel anything, not anything different from usual anyway. so shen brings him off with sympathetic intentions at first, and gently pushes zed's hands away whenever he tries to reciprocate, but watching zed come undone affects him more than he expected it to. zed said it isn't any different from usual but it is, zed isn't normally this pliant and desperate, and he doesn't usually call shen's name so sweetly and sometimes zed will outright make shen fight to get zed beneath him, but now, zed yields to him so easily and that should be evidence of how wrong this is but shen is so utterly captivated with this eager zed that he gives in and gives him the good dickin. he's super disappointed with himself later while zed is just smiling dopily, completely satisfied

fuck or die after the fallout would be rough hate-filled sex, zed pushing shen's face into the dirt and forcing him because it's easier that way. shen bitterly spits out that he'd rather die than touch zed, and zed only laughs because they both know that's a lie. if it were anyone else shen would 100% approach this with his usual pragmatism but it's zed and he hates being made to lose control like this, and of course zed won't just get it over with. he takes his pleasure and then leaves shen tied down and makes sure to work shen slowly and coax him with disgusting gentleness into climax, making it good for him and shen hates every second. he doesn't do anything like try to make shen beg because that shit would go nowhere fast, and afterwards zed is just completely smug with himself and shen hates him more than ever

Secret kinks: zed loves body odor which is really fucking unfortunate because shen reeks of it after the hours he spends training, and he probably knows it bc why else would he have his dirty clothes so conveniently left out like that for zed to furiously wank into while grumbling stupid sexy stinky shen

he has a bored and ignored kink too, but he's too fucking needy for it to ever take place out of his control so he has to specifically negotiate with shen to not pay attention to him during a scene, like zed showing off his bod or blowing shen while shen's just trying to read as long as they're 100% clear that shen has to make up for it later

he probably tries to convince shen to pee himself at least once but gets kinkshamed to death and never tries again. he also loves shen's hands/wrists and being praised. like ok, shen likes being praised too right? he'll glow and be intensely pleased and would fit that indulgent kind of "good boy!! you like pleasing me don't you" praise kink but zed's is like a fucking id-tagged collar in which only shen can hold the leash. shen gives him a passing glance and a murmured, "well done" while zed's just like sweeping and zed will somehow always be sweeping somewhere shen can see for the next five days, with a boner. you know what i mean??

anyway shen is the most repressed fucker out there so he THINKS he's vanilla but shen's definition of vanilla is very. i mean. he regularly undergoes resistance training and mindfuckery so you could tie him up and CBT him and he'd still just be like ah good ol vanilla sex. a lot of the kinks he has he isn't really even aware of having. shen doesn't know what he likes a lot of the time, in and out of bed. he spent his entire life being dictated, and it isn't until after zed gets rid of all the people who did that to him that he's forced to consider more deeply about himself

and of course he immediately finds that he likes being dominated and having someone else take control, even if they completely fuck him up in the process. he likes being collared and humiliated but he doesn't like his position as the eye of twilight being brought into it so shit like "look how far the eye has fallen" isn't gonna fly.

even so he's a bit of an exhibitionist. it's probably a carry-over from his student days when being caught was a definite possibility in a household full of ninja, so he likes the rush of doing it outside, especially since it also has the benefits of being rougher and quicker and there being no time for nonsense or softness

the concept of aftercare is a foreign one. the first time zed tries to administer it shen is repulsed and probably tries to escape but he can't get away from zeds sweet sweet embrace. he doesn't ever get used to it, not from zed the two-faced snake, and for good reason honestly. zed's brand of tenderness is kind of saccharine and condescending, and all too often he whispers secrets as if shen cares at all that zed used to love him, or that zed is glad he's here now, or that zed doesn't want to hurt him. really, he doesn't care. at all. not a bit.

also he tries to keep it secret that he loves getting dicked by zed's clones but it's pretty obvious. zed hates it because he gets jealous of himself but he absolutely loves all of shen's other kinks since he thinks shen would never trust someone other than zed to do those things to him

Their first kiss: shen was definitely the one who had to initiate it!! zed would have been fine with just pining after shen his entire life (not really), because he sure as hell wasn't going to give shen another point in his favor by letting him know that zed had F-FEELINGS FOR HIM... regardless it's still obvious as fuck to everybody, including shen, who kind of takes it in stride because let's be real shen was probably the target of numerous an unrequited crush in his life.

shen thinks he's doing a good job handling zeds emotions, letting him down gently without making it obvious he knows zed likes him, and it comes so naturally to him because hes so used to doing it that he doesn't even stop to think that maybe he actually kind of looks forward to zed's not-so-subtle attempts to spend more time together?? maybe he actually kind of wants to hold his hand?? maybe he's actually a raging homosexual?????

so the kiss would happen after a really tough mission that they just barely scraped through together, and shen's just so happy that they're both alive and safe that he gives zed a big ol smooch. obviously zed's not-so-subtle attempts become outright overt now that he knows it's mutual (even if shen keeps embarrassedly trying to convince him it's not)

likewise, their first kiss after they start working together to hunt jhin would also be shen calling it. zed's older now and not as angry and petulant. their history and ties are so intensely and irrevocably woven together that he just kind of dully accepts that a little part of him will always love shen, right next to the part that will always resent him. because of that he doesn't want to ruin this tentative (and probably temporary) truce they've got going on, even though he's unexpectedly thrilled to have shen by his side again and he's dying to ask whether stick-up-his-ass prudish shen has bedded anyone else in the past five years

shen's kind of not really in the same boat bc the power dynamic is mostly in his favor and it's zed who has to watch his footing, but shen has never had an equal like zed before or since. he can see that zed's changed, but he's also remained the same in the ways that matter and not all of them matter in a good way. for one, he still doesn't see reason in balance, and shen argues that zed himself is contributing to the power balance by foiling shen and zed absolutely hates that because he doesn't want to sustain a war between their clans just for the sake of shen's notion of equilibrium.

shen feels duty-bound and obligated to his clan to you know, not consort with the enemy, but he's also aware of the intrinsic connection he has with zed and how they're naturally drawn together. and it could be something as tiny as a bad dream or getting caught in the rain or meeting eyes when they've both just awoken, and shen acknowledges the inevitability of it and just kisses him

anyways when!! will riot give me my jhin lore follow-up!!

A crossover of my choice: the events of ninja gaiden could fit seamlessly right into ionia but there's pretty much no way im picking it over a mortal kombat crossover.... yall know how much my ass loves mkx

anyway quan chi has manipulated pretty much every one and thing in existence so it's not at all surprising that he was the one who brought into existence the scroll of shadows that corrupts zed and instills in him a thirst for power so great it drives him to destroy the kinkou. zed's death animation where he opens a portal? actually just to get back to netherrealm. quan chi sees him and just sighs again, really? and restores him and sends him back up

also ok. i know thematically shen has a lot in common with subzero but think of raiden and shen..... raiden was probably bosom buddies with master kusho, they regularly convened to discuss the state of earthrealm and shen got to inherit that friendship and trust!! raiden guides him and tells him how to purify zed, which leads him into scorpion and subzeros path since at this point they're revenants too. afterwards shen holds the recovery club for "I Was Under Quan Chi's Control" but only hanzo and kuai liang are invited

after all zed still has his entire fucking order of shadows which were forged under quan chi's ideals, and just like how hanzo still resents the massacre of his clan zed still resents the kinkou--that wasn't something that was instilled into him through quan chi's control. so basically everyone hates zed still. bye zed

i had fatalities for shen and zed written out too but....... i dont want to talk abt it here since it's obviously gorey and honestly embarrassing to talk about lmao!!! NEXT

An AU of my choice: i love my bloodborne AU so much but it's too detailed and involves more than just sz so i'll settle for another one about time shenanigans

shen tries to bypass zed's whole crawling into a shadow portal and escaping death thing by sealing him away in a time loop, but when the dust settles something's obviously gone wrong. there's a body laying there and shen picks him up and carries him inside and no one can really believe it, but the old kinkou veterans were raised next to that face and they know what zed looked like in his youth.

he's ten years younger, before the order of shadows and before the golden demon, and he hasn't just been aged down but swapped places entirely because he knows fuck all about what's going on. akali wants to kill him before he can fuck everything up but agrees that'd mess with too much other shit, kennen is so so sad and tries the hardest to make zed feel at home even though he and zed were never particularly close, and shen keeps his distance as best he can manage. he doesn't want to look at this zed when all it makes him think about is how things should have been

young zed feels confused and alone as fuck in this future timeline. so many members of the kinkou are foreign to him and the familiar ones are made of bitter implications and no one tells him outright why he's being ostracized, shen is never at the temple and when he is he's holed away. zed has to practically ambush him just to find out shen's already gone to pay zilean a visit to work out what's gone wrong, and all zilean told him was that he needed to find where the feedback came from that switched the zeds

eventually someone tries to assassinate zed as a preventative measure and shen realizes it's not safe for him at the kinkou monastery, so he takes zed with him on his journey to find the zero point and angst happens as they measure each other up to the versions of themselves they're familiar with--present shen is discomfited by how naive past zed is, past zed can't believe how much bigger the stick up shen's ass got, but after he learns what his future self did he can't imagine ever hating shen enough to do that to him. queue lots of bonding, slow burn, shen waffling and acting under a LOT of pretenses because he doesnt want to take advantage of this younger zed, who sees him as a mentor

meanwhile present zed wakes up in his old room and thinks he's trapped in a memory, and confirms it the only way he knows how. he sneaks into shen's room and is completely delighted upon finding a young shen who's much too interactive to be just a memory, and quickly works out what's happened. the thought of killing shen doesn't even cross his mind, not when shen barely presents a challenge like this. rather, he finds himself appreciating the change in their dynamics now that the power balance is tipped in zed's favor.

he goes on his own trip to find zilean and tells shen to stay here and give master kusho an excuse as to why zed is gone. instead, zed vanishes off away from the monastery and, twenty minutes later, has to make himself detectable just so shen can find him properly from where he's followed zed to.

zed secretly wanted this to happen and gladly takes the young shen under his wing. obviously he doesn't tell him why zed's eyes are red or his hair is white or why sometimes he'll completely disappear in the shadows. eventually he coaxes shen into bed and fucks him, which is something shen never allowed him in his time, and the sensations of it are transmitted to future shen through his dreams and he wakes up feeling phantom sensations of zed holding him and eventually the present sz discover they have a very rudimentary means of communicating through their past selves via sex dreams/strong emotions lol

the juxtaposition between present shen and zed would have been explored, because even though at a glance, shen sticks to his lawfulness and zed immorally takes advantage of the power imbalance, when they each discover that they receive the feelings of their past selves, zed treats past shen tenderly and tries to make him softer.... whispers the things he needs to remember, in the hopes that present shen will hear them and meet him halfway so that they can fix the timeline (and also meet him halfway feelings-wise 83c) whereas shen fights the young past zed and humiliates him, trains him even though logic tells him he shouldn't, treats zed the way the kinkou treated him, and all the feelings conveyed to present zed are ones of bitterness until it reaches a head and past zed snaps at him and almost dies. after that shen realizes that in lieu of master kusho distancing zed from the clan, shen is now the one doing that, when he should be taking this as an opportunity to fix the future and set things right between them.

just like present shen is forced to confront things about himself though, so is present zed. his feelings of "haha past shen was such a puppy" turn into slow realizations of why he loved shen in the first place. he thought, all this time, it was just because he was attracted to power and back then, shen had had it in abundance. but now, he can destroy shen any time he wishes and yet... it just makes him regret even more how things ended up the way they did, and he tries to give vague hints to past shen about things to avoid, and to remember to take care of himself and master kusho.

anyways it turns out the whole thing was engineered by zilean because he sees all timelines and he wants one where there isn't a fucking war between the shadows and the kinkou

ok i put this one at the bottom just bc it's yandere zed and it's pretty fucked and does get pretty graphic

tw mind control, brief ableism, amputation, lobotomy

Dark!fic: all of zed's students knows of his fixation on shen. by now everyone's used to those brief intense moments where he'll waft smog from his body just thinking about shen nd cursing his existence but none of them really know the full extent of it. it's not just zed, but the shadows as well, and they've wanted shen for such a long time, especially after kusho sealed them away. to take control of shen would be the first step to controlling two worlds after all, but instead, after all their pining, it's zed who comes along and they don't care about him but its their first opportunity in years, and they can sense the frustration and mutability in him so with no other option they decide he'll do

but when they take him over, zed's present fixation on shen, a very different sort, warps the shadows' and it becomes this twisted love where zed wants shen solely for himself, shen's mind and body and ambition must all belong to him, and he needs to kill everyone who gets in the way of that. of course, shen's father is first. then, the rest of the kinkou. when he finally has shen, he really doesn't want his hard work to go to waste! shen fights back of course but that's what makes him so cute--no, no, it's why he's a worthy host body, take him now--but all of zed's hard work!--and shen, where do you think you're going?

oh geez. zed REALLY doesn't want to do this but shen's always been so strong and zed can't guarantee he'll always be able to overpower shen or outrun him. well, he will be able to guarantee it if shen has no legs! you complete utter fool you've rendered him useless! he loves shen's hands though so he gets to keep those.

zed was really hoping that would be all it took, he was even being extra nice to shen by not force-feeding him those chi suppressants. but no. a week later shen tries to escape again, by warping out this time, and zed desperately and frantically tears the place apart looking for him. he sends his order out but shen could be anywhere at all, though shen's mind apparently couldn't take him very far because they find him rather quickly. he's lying unconscious in a pool of his own blood. it looks like he was dragging himself towards the edge of that cliff, but the ones who found him don't tell zed that.

zed is heartbroken. he's not even angry, maybe a little, but he's just so sad that shen still wants to leave him after all they've been through. he holds shen and apologizes over and over for taking his legs, he knows shen was--attached to them. zed will definitely make it up to him. he loves shen so much. the shadows agree with that much at least. as gently as he can he straps shen to a chair and takes out an ice pick, positioning it very carefully over shen's prefrontal cortex. shen, please stop squirming and shouting, please, he doesn't want to hurt you. he's going to make it better. he's going to make it so that you never want to leave.

on a lighter note thnks for checkin in!! i dont realistically expect anyone to read the entire thing because the way i type is actually horrendous but thanks for reading even a lil bit. i wrote this like 5 months ago which is thankfully enough time to not care as much about how embarrassing this is :)

i lied im still embarrassed

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