#there sad news too but we won’t dwell on it

[placetneplacet]

In Other Great News:

I think Poppy is directing Tommy’s Punk Spy project!

He’s definitely involved in more than just a side role capacity.

#punk spy #poppy ratchapong #there sad news too but we won’t dwell on it

[dilemmaontwolegs]

Wild Nights || CL16 {5}

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x songstress!reader Summary: You show your support for Charles and he shows his support for you. Warnings: 18+only, just Charles being himself WC: 2k

F1 Masterlist || One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Epilogue

“Hurry up or you’re going to be late to your own show,” Bea urged as she tugged at your arm. “Come on, we have to go!”

You rose on your tiptoes and tried to look over the sea of people. “Just one more minute.”

“I gave you ten.”

You checked your phone again but there was no new message from Charles since his last update that he was just going to quickly shower. You had briefly seen him before the free practice, but other than a few quiet words in the back of Ferrari’s hospitality you hadn’t really spent any time with him since landing in Las Vegas. 

You had thought scheduling concerts in the same city would mean seeing more of Charles but nothing was ever quite that simple.

Sighing, you sent him a message apologising for leaving without a proper goodbye and reminded him not to wait up for you. It would be late by the time you finished the show and he needed an early night before his qualifying race, but hopefully you were able to find a few minutes together in the morning before he left.

The drive through the city was long with traffic congestion and you spent most of it checking your phone to the point that Bea leaned over and ripped it from your hands.

“Hey!” you growled as she tossed it into the front seat beside the chauffeur. “I was using that.”

“No, you were distracted by it.” She grabbed a bottle of champagne from the minifridge and popped the cork. “Here, bottoms up.”

“Classy,” you murmured as you took the bottle and drank straight from it.

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes and took it back for a quick swig of her own. “At least I know it will get you to relax. Luckily your makeup has survived the day, there won’t be time to redo it.”

“There was a time when you said I didn’t need make up, is this you saying I’m getting ugly?”

“Pfft, bitch, please. If I thought you were ugly I would tell it to you straight, like a good friend. You’re beautiful and I’m jealous, I just thank god I have these,” she said as she grabbed her boobs for emphasis. “They kill my back, but they look damn good.”

“Forget your back, I heard they nearly killed Pierre,” you chuckled. “I think his fans would have a problem if you accidentally smothered him with those.”

“At least he would die happy and doing what he loved. Imagine that obituary.”

“I’d rather not.” Your nose wrinkled at the thought of any type of obituary for a racer, it was an all too real possibility you tried not to dwell on.

Bea agreed quietly with another drink from the bottle and cast her eyes out the window, taking in the bright lights of the strip. She nearly spit out her mouthful at the sight of an electronic billboard advertising the first Las Vegas F1 race. “Wow, they really got him again?”

You leaned over the seat and saw the ad of Charles decked out in a glittering jacket, elvis wig and pink feather boa as a deck of cards rained down. A laugh bubbled up as you took the bottle back and brought it up to your lips with a dopey smile. “He’s too sweet and trusting, a little gullible too.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” she joked as the car pulled into the service entrance of the MGM. and she took the half empty bottle away. “Can’t have you drunk on opening night.”

“Can I have my phone back?”

She reached through the front and grabbed it off the seat. “Fine, but no moping like a sad sap because we have to run.”

The door to the car opened to an entourage of people chiding you for the tardiness and you were hustled through the back channels of the building, stopping briefly in a room little larger than a closet to change outfits before you reached the backstage area.

“You have five minutes,” the head coordinator warned as Bea arrived with a cup of lemon, ginger and honey tea to help warm your vocal chords.

You thanked her as you sipped the hot drink and felt your phone vibrate with a notification as Scuderia Ferrari’s Instagram went live. ‘Music Challenge’ was the caption and you waved Bea over knowing they were always entertaining.

“Oh, I love this song,” Charles exclaimed as he nodded his head along.

“You say that every time,” Carlos complained.

“Kill Bill?”

“Correct!” The interviewer confirmed as Carlos groaned and fell back into the couch in defeat.

“How do you know that?”

“I listen to a lot of music.”

They both fell silent as the next song started and they both smashed their hands on their little bells.

“Flowers,” Carlos shouted. “Flowers, flowers, I got it first.”

“You got it loudest,” Charles disputed but the moment the next song started he was jumping up and pinging his bell in time. “Y/N, Love You Need!” He turned to Carlos and blew him a kiss. “It’s my song.”

“That’s not fair, I don’t have a song.”

“I’m sure someone has written a song about you, probably not a love song though,” Charles teased before he checked his watch. “Ay, I need to go or the next song she writes about me won’t be happy either. Ciao!”

“He quit so I win, right?”

“No, no, no I didn’t quit.” Charles paused his exit to point an accusing finger back at his teammate. “You took so long fixing your hair that we started late.”

“Still, I win, because you’re leaving.”

“See this,” Charles turned to the camera, his hand still waving to his team mate, “he doesn’t care about winning, he’s just upset he wasn’t invited to Y/N’s concert. Carlos?”

Carlos batted his eyelashes with a smile. “Yes, Charles?”

“Would you like to come with me?”

Carlos was already on his feet. “I thought you would never ask.”

Charles rolled his eyes but couldn’t help laughing. “Vamos, we’re late.”

You turned to Bea as the live feed ended and you shoved your phone into the storage cupboard beside the stairs leading to the stage. “Did you know he was coming?”

“Duh, who do you think set him up with a backstage pass?” She shrugged and put her own phone away along with her jacket. “I gave him a few in case he wanted to bring some friends.”

You cocked an eyebrow and smirked. “You mean Pierre…”

“I mean friends, and if that happens to be Pierre then I have no problem with that.”

You didn’t have an opportunity to tease her further about the commitment issues the two of them had before a microphone was shoved into your hands and you were pointed to the stage entrance.

“Kill it babe!” Bae shouted with a thumbs up as she jogged around to the other stage entrance for her cue.

The sold out crowd was a swirling mass of energy and it swelled as you stepped into the spotlight, their screams barely blocked by the earpieces that you had pushed into your ears as you took the stairs. The rush of seeing the excitement on their faces never ceased to amaze you and you bounced on your toes eagerly.

“What’s up, Las Vegas? Are you doing alright tonight?” Their responding screams shook the stage and widened your grin. “That’s good to hear, because, for me, well, I’m Fine.”

The music started and remembered the day you started writing the song, taking off from Monaco. It had begun as a tribute to Bea and the friendship you shared but then as the weeks went by and Charles stayed in touch it had evolved. It really was a song for any sort of relationship and why it was one of your favourites after Love You Need.

“Woke up too early, Almost put salt in my coffee, Oh, I thank God that you stopped me before that.”

You grinned to the shadows where you knew Bea was waiting, having been the inspiration for the line.

“Tripped over something, Spilt it all over your front seat, Didn't even say I'm sorry about that.”

You had been so frazzled trying to clean the mess up in Charles’ ridiculously expensive car that you had forgotten to apologise at the time. You had made it up to him later, and luckily it hadn’t stained, probably credit to the expensive upholstery.

“On and on, it's just more of the same And even when you ask if I'm okay… I try to say I'm fine (I'm fine).”

The drummer came in with the heavy beat for the chorus and the hands in the crowd waved in time as Bea jumped into the spotlight for her parts. This was what made it a favourite of yours, when she grasped your hand like she had when you had broken down over your ex. She had called you on your bullshit when you said you were fine and she had been there through the worst. It made performing this with her even more special. 

The entire concert was going to be even more special knowing Charles was going to be in the crowd soon and he knew exactly which songs were devoted to him. 

You shouldn’t have been surprised that he was coming because he balanced you, and everything was equal between you. You supported him in his races whenever you could make it to them and he supported you when he could make it to yours, but you knew how tired he would have been after his day. 

There were thousands of people beyond the blindly bright lights of the stage but somehow you knew where to look when you felt the energy shift halfway into the set. And there he was. 

He must have changed in the car as he was no longer wearing the bold red Ferrari shirt, opting for more sedate casual clothes to blend in with the crowd. It didn’t exactly stay that way when you pointed to him during one of his songs, singing the lines solely for him and drawing the attention to him.

“Can we stay frozen in time, in between hello and goodbye?”

You collapsed onto the bed of the hotel still riding the high from the concert and Charles fell down with you, equal parts of happiness and exhaustion warring in his eyes.

“You should get some sleep,” you said as you rolled onto your side to face him so you could cup his cheek, your thumb brushing over the 5 o’clock shadow along his jaw. 

“I will soon,” he murmured as his arm curled over your waist and pulled you closer. “I just want to hold you for a little while.” He tucked you into the curve of his body until there wasn’t any space left between you, his cheek resting atop your head. “You make me so proud, seeing you living your dream. I wish I could be at every concert.”

“Me too,” you sighed longingly. “It’s the hardest thing when we have to say goodbye.”

His chest rose and fell slowly as he relaxed in the embrace, bordering on the edge of sleep. “You’ve never asked me not to race.”

“Why would I do that?” You pulled back to see his face and recognised the look. It was something his ex had asked of him. “Would the moon ask the sun not to rise? No, because both are equally important and their paths still cross. We are the sun and the moon.”

You felt his smile as he kissed your forehead. “Am I the moon or the sun?” 

“The moon,” you stated as you tipped your head back so you could stare into those gorgeous eyes if his. “You are there to lighten my darkest nights.”

“And you make my day infinitely brighter.”

Click here for the epilogue.

Tagging: @91vhs @alwaysclassyeagle @applespiez @ravenqueen27 @booksobsess @tempo-rary-fix @baw-sixteen @im-an-overthinker @notleclerc

#charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fanfic #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 rpf #formula 1 fanfic

[gravitycavity]

Sunshine (Pomni x Ragatha) Chapter 1 - Put On a Happy Face

[Click here to read from the beginning on AO3!]

Cover art by @blukiar

“You’re supposed to $%#&ing smile, Pomni!” Zooble's hoarse scream reverberated throughout the big top. “Are you stupid?! We can’t finish the new intro if you aren’t @#$%ing smiling!”

“Leave. Me. Alone!” Pomni, denied the catharsis of slinging her sailor’s mouth, expressed her disdain with her middle fingers instead. She only ended up seething harder, however, when a pair of other-dimensional censor bars appeared to obscure the rude gestures.

“Oh! So that’s how you want to play it, Puffball?” Zooble narrowed her eyes, limping toward the jester with as much aggression as their awkwardly-constructed body would allow — which, for the record, wasn’t very much.

Ragatha had seen enough. “Relax!” She raised her voice, swooping vigilantly between the bickering belligerents. “Both of you!”

Gangle, moping off to the side, sniveled pitifully. In all the commotion, her comedy mask had been shattered. For the second time. This morning. “Guys…! Please, just stop fighting…”

Jax crossed his legs, reclining smartly against Kinger’s impenetrable pillow fort. “Can it, crybaby. This is the best entertainment we’ve had in years!” He flicked a piece of popcorn into the air and caught it in his mouth. Meanwhile, a vibrating Kinger poked his eyes out from between two pillows, saying nothing and everything at the same time.

Ragatha’s good-natured attempts to keep the peace were all for naught. She flinched out of the way of Zooble’s punch — but before the strike could connect, a floating boxing bell materialized out of nowhere, piercing the air with a shrill shriek.

“Now, now! There’s no need for that!” Caine’s wagging finger appeared beside the bell, followed shortly after by the rest of the entity. He lifted his tophat, and a cheesing Bubble gingerly drifted out.

“Naughty, naughty~” Bubble chomped his teeth.

Caine snapped his fingers, and an unseen force pushed Pomni and Zooble apart. “The Amazing Digital Circus — copyright 1996 C&A Incorporated, all rights reserved — is a magical, marvelous CD-Romp for all ages! Zany shenanigans and cartoon mischief I can abide, but outright violence? Strictly out of the question!”

With a grunt, Zooble spiked their arm against the floor. “What are we supposed to do, then!? We’re on take fifty-seven of your dumb@%$ theme song because poor little Pomni thinks she’s the main character of the universe!”

Pomni responded to that, but whatever she said, it was profane enough to be scrubbed out entirely.

“Yes, well…” Caine crossed his arms, steeped in careful thought. The last hour-and-a-half of unusable footage played back through his mismatched eyeballs in a matter of seconds. “It’s nothing we can’t fix in post.”

Zooble swiped their discarded arm off the ground and crammed it back into its empty socket. “Great. Then you can edit me in, too.” They stormed off, reciprocating Pomni’s earlier gesture. “Eat $@#%, sad sack.”

Jax sighed. “Aw, shucks. Right when things were getting good…”

“Uh…!” Caine skipped a beat. He swiveled toward the five circus members still gathered beneath the big top. “Well, then!” he elbowed his soap bubble companion, “Looks like we’ve got our work cut out for us, Bubble! As for the rest of you, consider yourselves off the hook for the rest of the day — my treat! Take some personal time, get some sleep, and try your darndest not to dwell on the soul-crushing scale of eternity!”

“I have no soul!” Bubble turned upside-down. “So I don’t mind it one bit!”

“You and me both, old pal!” Caine’s laugh sounded forced and unnatural.

There was a pause. Gangle glanced around, then meekly raised her ribbony hand. “But what about—”

“Go on, now! I won’t take no for an answer!” the ringmaster stabbed the air with his cane, “I want you all in tip-top condition for tomorrow’s wacky adventure!”

🎪 🎪 🎪

It wasn’t long before everyone had gone their separate ways. Jax had slinked off to the digital carnival to terrorize the NPCs, Gangle had left a trail of teardrops all the way to the digital lake, and Kinger, as per usual, had just disappeared without anyone really noticing.

At last, Pomni was alone again. She curled her tear-stained face inward and filled her chest with three shaky breaths. She couldn’t hold it in anymore. Hands tightened into trembling fists, she threw her head toward the sky and let loose a long, ear-shattering shriek.

Why was this happening to her? What did she ever do to deserve this!? She was a person — a human being, for God’s sake — not some stupid, one-dimensional children’s character. How dare anyone expect her to just grin and bear it? She didn’t owe anything to anyone — not even one second of feigned emotion. As far as she was concerned, the moment she forced that goofy smile onto her face would be the moment she surrendered, and she would never, ever, in a million years—

“I’m always here if you need to talk. You haven’t forgotten, have you?”

Pomni flinched, wrenching away from the sudden voice. After the emotional hell she’d gone through during her first day, unexpected noises didn’t exactly put her at ease — nor did anything else in this deranged digital purgatory, for that matter.

“Ah! Sorry!” Ragatha covered her mouth. “I didn’t spook you too bad, did I?”

“You did, actually! Wh-What’s wrong with you?” Pomni gathered herself quickly. She didn’t dare to even look in the direction of the person who had just watched her childish tantrum. The moment she found her footing again, she stormed off like her very life depended on it. “Don’t just sneak up on people like that!”

Silently relenting, Ragatha stepped aside to let Pomni pass. She watched the pouting jester jingle and jangle with every step, stomping with boundless confidence in the completely wrong direction.

“Uh…” Ragatha tilted her head. “Pomni? Do you remember the way to your room?”

“Ugh! What do you care?” Pomni doubled her pace. “Mind your own business!”

Ragatha smirked. “Alright, I guess I’ll just head back to my room, then. Which, for the record…” She pointed behind herself, “…is that way.”

Pomni stared vacantly as Ragatha sauntered off. The doll had read her like a book. Locking herself in her room for days on end meant she still had no clue how to get around the tent — if she wanted to get back to her regularly-scheduled self-pity anytime soon, she would have to swallow whatever was left of her pride.

Pomni grumbled under her breath, fast-walking to catch up. “Hey! W-Wait!”

🎪 🎪 🎪

There was no ambient noise to dampen the tension; the dormitory hall’s plush carpet absorbed the sound of Pomni and Ragatha’s footsteps. Ragatha led, hands tucked politely below her waist, while Pomni trailed behind.

The complete, unbroken silence wasn’t exactly the most comfortable thing in the world, but it was preferable to whatever inane smalltalk would have filled it. That’s how Pomni saw things, at least.

In the time it had taken to walk here, she had managed to cool off a bit — and the unwavering quiet gave her plenty of mental space to reflect on the last few minutes.

She wasn’t sorry. Pomni didn’t care if Zooble hated her — she could hate them right back. Breaking bread with Jax was pointless; that creep preferred to provoke. Gangle was friendly, but to interact with her was to walk on eggshells, and Pomni lacked the patience. And Kinger? Was Kinger.

Arms crossed, Pomni looked up from her big, dumb clown shoes. Her gaze settled on the doll in front of her. Pomni despised everything about this place — but now that she was going through her laundry list of grievances, she had to admit: she had nothing on the redhead.

…What was her name? Ragatha…? She was by far the most mature of the circus’s captives. She was kind. Predictable. An island of calm in a stormy sea.

Pomni’s harsh features softened. Ragatha was the only character who had shown her the slightest shred of compassion since she’d arrived here. The realization weighed down her stomach with more than a few pangs of guilt. Ragatha, of all people, certainly wasn’t a deserving outlet for her angst.

Oh, no — nice going, you idiot. Ragatha was the one thing about this place keeping you anywhere close to sanity, and you’ve already repelled her by acting like a petulant child. She probably hates you now. You know that, right? Actually, it’s not ‘probably’. It’s ‘definitely’. That’s why she isn’t talking. That’s why this is so awkward. That’s why —

“So…what’s under your cap?”

Pomni stumbled. Had the wall not been there to grab onto, she absolutely would have fallen flat on her face.

Stabilizing herself, Pomni gawked up at Ragatha as if the doll had just beamed down from another planet. What’s under her cap? Did she hear that right? It was such an odd, out-of-the-blue question — but at least it had yanked her out of her head.

“I’m sorry?”

Ragatha bent down to Pomni’s eye level. “Your cap.” She said gently, resisting the urge to prod one of the little bells dangling from either end. “It comes off, doesn’t it?”

Pomni blinked. She hadn’t really given it any thought. In fact, until Ragatha had brought it up, she had forgotten that her ridiculous new form came with a hat at all. Doing nothing but hiding under the covers and sobbing for days on end had that effect.

With much bigger problems weighing on her mind, Pomni didn’t really care to check — but something about Ragatha’s expectant gaze possessed her anyway. Very carefully, she hooked her fingers beneath the golden rim. She felt a small amount of resistance as she pushed up, almost as if the headpiece were attached to her body through some kind of magnetic force.

With a just a little effort, though, it popped right off.

“…Huh.” Pomni held the striped cap in her hands. “Look at that.”

“Oh, goodness!” Ragatha tried and failed to suppress a squeal. She paid no mind to her question’s answer, too distracted by the worst hat hair anyone had ever seen. It was certainly a look; a chaotic mess of tangles, knots, and flyaways did as it pleased atop the jester’s capless crown.

“Hey! What gives?!” Pomni ducked her cap back onto her head. A few extra clumps of hair stuck out from underneath. “Why are you laughing?”

“I’m so sorry! Your hair is just…” Ragatha giggled. “Well, it’s a bit messy at the moment. But I like it!”

Pomni leered. “…Liar.”

“I’m not making fun of you! Honest!” Ragatha crossed her hands over her heart. “I love your hair, Pomni. It’s…”

“It’s what?!”

“It’s so cute!”

Pomni’s eyes grew two sizes. That was…not the answer she expected to hear. She didn’t know what to say — just that her face felt a lot warmer than before.

“Obviously, you could use a comb…or three. But who cares about that?” Ragatha’s hand drifted through her own thick, yarn-like locks. “You really lucked out, you know. I’d trade your hair for mine in a heartbeat.”

Despite everything, the smallest of half-smiles lit Pomni’s face.

“I, um…” Pomni took a deep breath. And then two more. Her whole body slumped closer to the floor. Try as she might to keep her personal pity party alive, Ragatha’s radiant energy made her forget her troubles, if only for a moment.

“…Why are you being so nice? And to me, of all people?”

Ragatha just shrugged. “Do I have a reason not to be?”

Pomni gripped her other arm, gaze flicking down the corridor. Her smile faded in the silence.

“Well, um, anyway…” Ragatha glanced at the door behind her — Pomni’s awkwardness was infectious. “You have your room key, right?”

Pomni’s heart skipped at the thought of having lost it, but eased at the feeling of cold metal in her pocket. She nodded.

Gently, Ragatha took the cartoonish key from Pomni’s hand. With a turn and a click, the way to the jester’s room was open.

Ragatha held the door, smiling warmly. “You look like you could use some space. Go enjoy some quality alone time, okay, new stuff?”

“O-Okay.” Pomni didn’t hesitate to do just that — until she did. “Um…” She peeked behind a door half-open. After the longest pause, a simple, stammered “thanks” was all she could manage to get out.

Her door clicked shut. And audibly locked.

[Next Chapter]

#pomni x ragatha #pomnitha #ragapom #jesterdoll #buttonblossom #ragatha x pomni #pomatha #tadc #tadc pomni #ragatha #the amazing digital circus #tadc sunshine #tadc fanfiction #sapphic #lesbian

[aquagirl1978]

What Was I Made For - Gilbert von Obsidian x Rosemary (OC) (Ikemen Prince)

A/N: I had the pleasure of writing for @prisoniclover for the Ikemen Prince Gift Exchange hosted by @ikemenlibrary and @sunnyikemen. Thank you both for hosting another wonderful exchange. I truly enjoyed getting to know Choco's OC, Rosemary, and hope you enjoy this gift.

Pairing: Gilbert von Obsidian x Rosemary (OC)

Prompt: Gilbert, who wants to hear his partner say that she likes “it” because he notices she isn’t being completely honest, restraining sounds that he wants to hear but she still lets her insecurity triumph.

Word Count: 1474

Tags: NSFW; Minors - DNI; soft sex; biting/marking

What was I made for?

It was a question that plagued her for so long, haunting her for years and years, as she struggled to find herself. 

What was she made for?

*****

“You know I don’t like liars.”

He ran a single finger across her cheek and down along the column of her neck, lingering on each of the marks he had left on her sweet, precious skin. Her body flinched as he pressed his thumb on the newest mark, still raw and red. 

“Why do you deny me?” he asked, his voice soft as silk, as his hips gently pressed against hers. “Why do you deny me the sounds you so desperately want to make?”

Her wide eyes met his – red like a poppy, red like blood. There was a sadness hidden behind those bloodied petals as he stared at her. 

“Why won’t you let yourself be free around me?”

She heaved a heavy sigh, a sigh she had been holding in for too long, way too long – why did he have to ask her that question? 

And why was it so hard for her to answer him?

*****

She couldn’t escape him. Or his question.

Even when reading alone in his room, his presence was everywhere, the weight of his words pressing on her – why won’t you let yourself be free around me? 

She closed the book in her hands, her eyelids tightly shut, Gilbert’s sad face burned into her brain. Thoughts swirled in her head, pieces of her past coming back to taunt her. The pain gripped her, coursing through her veins, her breathing quickening as her eyes flew open.

She ran a mindless hand through her hair, twirling a long, pink strand around her finger as she recalled past conversations she had with the Rhodolite princes during her time as Belle. 

“I don’t think I belong here,” she confided in Leon, her whisper weak as her eyes fought back tears. “And maybe you don’t,” he replied, his golden gaze warm and unwavering. “Some of us just don’t belong where we end up. And some of us keep looking until we find that one place that feels like home.”

“Don’t settle to be second best,” Clavis stated as he threw down his shovel. “Strive to find something you can be best at. And throw everything you have into that. Step away from the shadows and find that one thing that makes you thrive.”

“I see you…” Luke let out a sad sigh. “I see you looking at him. Looking for him.” She averted her gaze as her stomach twisted into knots – how did he know? Was she that obvious? She opened her mouth to speak, but Luke held up his large hand, stopping her in her tracks. “I just want to know why. Why him?”

She found herself dwelling on Luke’s question — why him? Why Gilbert? She didn’t have an answer for Luke that day, and maybe she would never have an answer she could fully express in words. But the heart wants what the heart wants. 

And her heart wanted Gilbert.

*****

"These are new." 

On Gilbert’s desk – a place normally reserved for paperwork and books – was a vase filled with black roses and greenery. She ran a finger along the blooms, tracing the velvet-soft petals of the roses and the needle-like leaves of the branches of rosemary, its fresh and green scent mixing with the sweet floral fragrance of the roses.

Certain the addition of rosemary – an herb believed to reveal a person's true love, an herb that she shared its name with – was no mere coincidence, she continued to admire the arrangement as Gilbert approached her, his body cool as he pressed against hers.

"I was out earlier, and they reminded me of you," he whispered in her ear, the breath of his words leaving a slight chill sting on her skin. His arms wrapped around her waist, his hands caressing her curves as he pulled her body tighter against his.

He rested his cheek on her shoulder, his face turned towards his, his mouth in the perfect position to take a bite from her neck. His jaw opened, his lips hovering, his teeth ready to plunge into her skin when she spoke.

"Gilbert." Her body trembled as she whispered his name. "I love you. I'm so in love with you." 

The words tumbled from her mouth; once she opened the floodgates, and exposed her heart, there was no stopping. 

As he held her gently in his arms, she confessed how deep her love for him was. In between sobs, she spoke of her fears – that she wasn't good enough for him, that she didn't love him enough. Or her worst fear, that he would end up alone again one day.

He turned her in his arms, his hand stroking her hair, reassuring and comforting. Placing a kiss atop her pink head, he whispered so quietly she almost didn't hear.

"I love you, too."

When her breathing steadied, he took her hand and guided her to his bed. With a soft smile, his eyes were fixed on her as they undressed one another. Each layer removed, exposing another expanse of bare skin, their hands and their mouths eagerly roaming over flesh as if this were their first time being intimate. 

And in a sense it was, as she had finally laid bare to him her heart. Her insecurities. Her love.

He pressed his palm against her chest, her heart beating rapidly under the soft curve of her breast, gently guiding her to lie down on the bed. He climbed atop her, his breathing labored; he knew his wish would be fulfilled tonight. 

Cupping her cheek in his hand, he tilted his face as he gazed at her reverently. He brought his mouth to hers in a kiss, sealing their love, igniting a small fire inside her body. 

She carded her fingers through his messy locks, a new confidence taking over as she gently pressed his face closer to hers, deepening their kiss. His tongue parted her lips; entering her mouth, their tongues twisted in a sensual dance with one another. 

Gilbert slid his hand down her side, across her torso, his fingers finding her core. When his thumb stroked her clit, she let out a gasp. 

“That was cute,” he teased, his fingers sliding along her slit, coaxing another sweet sound to escape her lips. “Do you like it when I touch you there?”

Her back arched as her body squirmed under her ministrations, a strained yes barely audible. His red eye glittered in the moonlight as he bowed his head to her chest, biting kisses left in a trail, dotting her delicate skin. 

When her cries got louder and more frequent, he removed his finger, fully coated with her arousal. He kissed her again, as he shifted his body, his hips slotting against hers. As she looked into his eye, her heart tugged, and she knew. 

She knew that this time it would be different.

Gilbert held her gaze, red staring into pink, as he rubbed his tip against her entrance. Her hips spread wide, held by Gilbert’s hands, as he began to push his cock inside.

She clung to him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders, slowly stretching her until his entire length was sheathed inside her. As he waited for her to adjust to his size, he pushed her hair to one side, exposing the smooth column of her neck. 

She cried out his name as his teeth sank into her sweet flesh, his tongue quickly laving the fresh mark. Rocking his hips, his thrusts started slow before increasing in pace. 

The faster his movements got, the more intense his bites were.

Stars danced before her eyes as the pleasure built; the heat flooding her core mixed with the sharp sting of his bites were overwhelming and sent her into a state of rapture.

What was I made for?

She had her answer, he was staring her in the face all this time.

She was made for Gilbert. To love him. To be with him. And to make sure he would never, ever be alone again. 

She cried out his name, over and over again, as she gave herself over to him. Not holding back, she unleashed every cry, every whimper, she had been hiding and holding back. 

Giving Gilbert every sound he could have ever wanted. 

In her state of bliss, she heard Gilbert call her name – her real name, not her alias – and experienced euphoria again, her sounds softer this time. Sweeter.

Hey body boneless and breathless, Gilbert gathered her in his arms as they prepared to sleep. One arm was wrapped just under her chest, holding her body close to his, his free hand stroking her hair, comforting her as she drifted to sleep.

Tagging: @redheadkittys @alixennial @rhodolitesroseforclavis @kissmetwicekissmedeadly @chaosangel767 @queengiuliettafirstlady @queen-dahlia @ikehoe @ikemen-writer @talfollowingstuff @kpop-and-otome @kisara-16 @altairring @lucyw260 @lordsisterxotome @umi-adxhira @yarnnerdally @crypticbibliophile @tele86 @nightfoxqueen @melodiousramblings @wendolrea @aceuuuu @randonauticrap @aria-chikage @nightghoul381 @judejazza @maries-gallery @xbalayage @xenokiryu

#ikemen series #ikemen prince #ikepri #gilbert von obsidian #ikepri gilbert #ikemen gilbert #ikepri fanfic #ikemen fanfic #otome #otome games #otome fanfic

[pommunist]

thank you for allowing people to vent their frustrations or discuss whats been happening in your inbox, a lot of qsmpblr from what ive seen wants to ignore anything besides brightest side outlooks and they shove everything else down by labelling things like the spreading of the latest updates as "doomposting".

i personally havent seen any actual doomposting (expecting the worst possible scenario, ex. "the server is over and will never come back") from anywhere besides a small handful of people who hate quackity on twitter, the closest i can find here is sentiments like "yeah i dont know if ill be back to actively watching every day even if everything is fixed" or "im so disillusioned at this point that im not coming back until we get concrete proof things are better" where its people personally deciding to (often temporarily) leave the fandom, not any actual doomposting or discouraging anyone to still follow the server because "theres no chance anything will ever be fixed".

so yeah, thank you for allowing stuff besides the most positive of takes in your askbox <3 im too scared to post stuff on my own because of the toxicly positive mindset on qsmpblr, so being able to vent my frustrations in your askbox really helps!

Tbh I don’t blame people who are complaining about what they see as « doomposting ». When you love something you don’t want to wake up every morning learning about another set of bad news on it, instead you want to believe that everything will be fixed and that you will soon be able to enjoy it like you used to.

However the situation IS bad. People are talking about negative things because they ARE happening. And it isn’t just some random drama like this is a situation that affected negatively on people, could even be considered breaching some laws and, also, be the end of the project. I don’t like saying that, obviously, but it’s the truth.

Saying it’s joever already won’t do any good but so will blindly hoping that things will be better. Tbh I’m happy that I haven’t seen much of both of these takes except from the extreme sides of the fandom (out of all the anons I got since it started very few were extremely negative, no hate to them btw feel free to vent in my askbox i just chose not to post them).

People can stop watching qsmp altogether, or just keeping to their fav ccs streams, some can chose to keep watching like they did before for X reasons, others are straight up leaving the fandom, it’s all fine, we just need to understand everyone’s perspective without jumping to judgement.

Side note : One thing I won’t tolerate here is hate on the admins who spoke up though (this + the usual assholery aka random hating, bigotry etc)

Personally I haven’t watched a qsmp stream since the situation was exposed but thats just because I don’t want to support the project rn and can’t enjoy the content knowing what we now know. That’s just me though !

Anyway rant over kkkk thanks for the nice ask anon ! Weirdly I think keeping track of the situation and answering so many people who had questions/wanted to air out their thoughts is what helped me not dwell on my own sadness regarding what’s happening ahah

#qsmp discourse #also if anyone feels like im doomposting u can block me it’s fine #i’m just a rando on the internet if u feel like my blog is too negative rn just disintegrate me #man this blog was created at first to vent about my fav eggs and ship how did i get here

[coraliix]

North Wind | Lloyd x OC

Chapter 7: Collision pt.1

13.2k words (split in two posts)

Summary: Mari and Lloyd spend the day together. Tension snaps and confrontation occurs.

A/N: Jeez louise y'all. I did not expect this chapter to take so long nor the sheer size of it, but here we are.

Fun fact: chapters of this length cannot physically fit on a post (at least how I'm posting), hence why it's split in two.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

——————————

“Checking your phone every five seconds won’t make them get here faster, Mari.”

I looked up from my screen, where I had indeed been checking for any new messages from Lloyd. “I know that,” I scoffed at Skylor’s words. “I’m just making sure they get here alright.”

Skylor’s lips curled up in an amused grin as she continued closing the restaurant and got ready to head out. “They’ve come here a lot, you know. They’ll be okay.”

“I know that too,” I replied, an exasperated but affectionate smile gracing my features. Taking a seat at a table, I waited for Lloyd and his friends to arrive, leg bouncing rapidly.

She took note of that; I could tell. “You seem nervous to meet with them,” Skylor remarked, amusement filling her voice. “Or are these nerves directed more to a specific person?” she asked. Her eyebrows waggled suggestively, and I snorted at the sight — and at what she was implying.

“Definitely not in the way you're insinuating,” I quipped, feeling a slightly embarrassed flush rise on my face.

That did not help with deterring Skylor from thinking what she currently was, but that was fine. I didn’t care too much about explaining.

Truthfully, there was some merit to her idea, but it was simply that I found Lloyd attractive. I wasn’t necessarily attracted to him. Underneath the affection I held for Lloyd was a sense of understanding for his situation. It felt more like I related to him and empathized with him than held particularly romantic feelings.

(At least, that was what I told myself. To be completely honest, there was some attraction, but definitely not enough for me to act on and risk jeopardizing our friendship.)

There would be time later to reflect on those feelings. Probably.

Silence filled the restaurant’s calm atmosphere as I dwelled on these thoughts. Skylor didn't say anything to break it, and I thought back to a few days ago, when she had started asking me about the ninja. Her words about being honest and opening up echoed in my head.

“Oh, here they come,” Skylor said after a minute. We walked to the doors, stepping out and locking them behind us. “Hey guys,” she greeted, tucking her keys into the pocket of her coat.

They greeted the rest of us as well. Lloyd, sporting a ball cap under his green hood and a face mask, sidled up next to me and leant in to whisper, “Hi.”

My eyes dropped to his incognito attire, sadness flickering in them as I realized what their purpose was. “Hey,” I whispered back, unsure why we were being quiet but following his lead. Tracking Lloyd’s eyes back to Kai and Skylor, I soon understood why.

“Hello, handsome,” she said as she stepped closer to Kai and laced their hands together.

“Hey, beautiful,” he replied, eyes softening in a strange sight. Strange to me, at least. I’d only been around Kai once — certainly not enough for me to judge his character — but this soft side of him was starkly different from the sharp, defensive side of him I’d seen weeks ago that it gave me whiplash.

Everyone else rolled their eyes at the sweet exchange, but it was all in good humor.

“Ready to go?” Kai asked her, shivering slightly when a chilly gust of air swept through the streets.

“Mhm,” was Skylor’s answer. She turned to me, fixing me with a look that communicated the instructions she’d given me before we left. Behave. Be back home by midnight. Have someone drop you off. “Have fun,” was what she said out loud.

I gave her a smile and a nod in reply.

Satisfied, she hooked her arm through Kai’s, starting to turn away. “Have fun, you guys,” she repeated to everyone else. With that, Skylor and Kai headed off to who knows where for their date.

Everyone else turned away to quickly discuss the plan, but my eyes remained on the couple’s backs as they walked away.

Learning that Skylor had been dating Kai could have easily been one of my top ten most shocking moments — I’d almost thought she was joking when she’d casually mentioned it to me. But seeing their interactions made me realize that they really did fit well together.

“Everybody ready to go?” Jay rubbed his hands in excitement, clearly eager to head to the arcade the group had picked as the activity today.

Beside Jay, Cole shuffled closer to nudge him with an elbow. He gave Jay a pointed look.

“Oh!” Jay exclaimed, eyes widening in realization. He turned to me. “I forgot— I never really introduced myself. I’m Jay,” he said, offering me a wide smile.

I chuckled softly. “I figured. Nice to meet you, Jay,” I replied, returning his smile. “I guess I don’t have to introduce myself.” I sent Lloyd a grin, and he looked away with a bashful smile, scratching the back of his neck.

Jay laughed, glancing over at Lloyd with a smile full of mirth. “Nope. Lloyd’s definitely been talking about you enough to— Hey, ow!” His teasing was cut off by another elbow to his side; the offense came from Nya this time.

The action had me sending her a surprised look, eyebrows raising. No qualms about teasing Lloyd herself but stopping Jay from doing so?

Nya glanced at me, meeting my curious stare and seeming to read my thoughts. “It’s different when I do it,” she explained to me, to the confusion of everyone else.

A snort escaped me at the words, but I nodded. Part of the sibling experience — teasing them relentlessly but stepping in when others did it too.

It reminded me of Hideo and how sometimes I’d tease him about him having crushes or other unimportant things. The corners of my lips pulled down in a small frown.

Somehow Lloyd noticed this, and he lightly bumped his shoulder against mine. “You okay?” he asked in a hushed tone, brow knit with concern — though it was barely visible from under his cap. “Is being around all of us too overwhelming? I know you said you weren’t used to large groups. Do you want to go somewhere else?”

I glanced up at Lloyd. His concern warmed me. A small smile made its way onto my lips, and I shook my head. “No, it’s not that,” I reassured him. “Just remembering someone.”

He frowned at my vague answer, confusion seeping into his eyes. “Alright.”

“Are you guys ready to go?” Nya called over to us, linking her hand with Jay’s and stepping closer to him.

I blinked at the sight. “Uh, yeah,” I said. “I’m ready.” They nodded and led the way down the sidewalk to the arcade nearby. Turning back to Lloyd, who now walked beside me, I leaned in closer, lowering my voice. “Are Nya and Jay dating?”

Lloyd glanced at me when I leaned in closer, and he chuckled at my question before nodding. “Yep. For around two and a half years now,” he told me, matching my low volume.

“Aw, that’s nice. They look good together.” I glanced at them as they walked ahead of us, smiling at their joined hands. Lloyd nodded in agreement.

“So, have you been to this arcade before?” he asked after a minute of silence — between us, that is. The rest of the group chattered about anything and everything, though I hadn’t really been paying attention.

I shook my head. “Haven’t really explored the city at all, to be honest,” I admitted.

Lloyd gave a small gasp in faux indignation. “We can’t have that,” he said, putting on an affronted expression and placing a hand on his heart. “This must be remedied.”

I snorted at the posh tone he put on. “And how do you propose I do that?”

He shrugged casually. “By hanging out with me.”

His answer made me blink. My lips curved into a wide, amused smile. “Oh, really? You know all the good spots in Ninjago City?”

“The best spots,” he nodded solemnly.

Laughter bubbled from my lips at the sudden serious expression he put on. “Alright, I think I can clear my schedule for that,” I said. He smiled, looking at me through the corner of his eye.

——————————

Crossing the street, I saw the arcade just ahead of us. We entered the building and the dim lighting immediately washed us in electric blues and greens. There were a variety of games to play: driving simulators, shooting games, air hockey, wheels of fortune — you name it.

“Meet back up in an hour?” Zane suggested.

Everyone agreed, and soon we all went our separate ways. Lloyd stayed with me, which I was grateful for. We made our way to the counter to pay for card passes before strolling around the edge of the arcade, exploring the options.

“Any preference?” Lloyd asked beside me once we each got our own passes.

I surveyed the games available, spotting a flashy electronic dart board on one of the back walls. “I think I’ll take a crack at these,” I mused with a grin, striding over to confidently pick up a couple darts, weighing them in my hands.

“Darts.” Lloyd raised an eyebrow in question.

My grin turned roguish as my fingers felt around the small projectiles. Of course, they weren’t actually sharp — this was an arcade, after all, and there were kids around — but they felt hefty enough to be properly thrown.

“Just an old hobby of mine,” I replied. Another vague answer.

Maybe Lloyd would think I was weird by being so cryptic, but I couldn’t tell him the real reason why I wanted to start my game off strong by choosing darts. Maybe it was unfair to be playing a game I had an advantage in from illegal practices. Maybe.

Positioning myself just shy of the line, I steadied my stance and lifted my hand. The dart flew from my fingers as I whipped my arm down in a fluid arc.

It found its target. “Bullseye,” I declared with a grin, grabbing another dart. Sure enough, my next two throws were solid as well, soaring through the air and hitting the board with a thunk. A strip of tickets came out of the machine. I leaned down to pluck them out, proudly waving my reward to Lloyd.

His green eyes lit with amusement and slight surprise. “Impressive,” he remarked. “But you’re gonna have to do more than throw a few darts to beat me.”

I laughed. “I wasn’t aware this was a competition. But don’t worry about me,” I assured. “I’ve got more than one trick up my sleeve.”

“Hm,” Lloyd hummed, not looking worried.

We walked over to a racing game and swiped our passes over the machine, sliding into the seats.

“Interesting choice,” I commented casually.

Lloyd shrugged. “I like driving. Speaking of,” he said as the game started up. “I heard from Nya that you’ve driven a motorcycle before. What’s that about?”

“I could ask you the same,” I pointed out, setting my hands on the wheel and starting to steer my simulated racer down the track while I pressed a foot down on the pedal.

He laughed, shaking his head. “That’s fair. I learned when I was around 16, I think,” he told me, glimpsing at me through the side of his eye before returning his gaze back to the screen. “It was easier to get a motorcycle than a car.”

I gave him a perplexed look at that. Although that was the same as in my case, it was still unusual to hear about someone getting a motorcycle before a car. “I learned when I was 15,” I replied. “But I didn’t really start driving out in public until I was 16, too. License and all that,” I explained, turning the wheel sharply to the left.

Lloyd hummed in acknowledgement, making the turn with ease. “I guess we both grew up a bit different than most,” he said. “Teenagers don’t typically— dude, what!” he suddenly interjected. “How did you get ahead of me?”

A laugh burst from my lips and I peeked at him through the corner of my eye. “Guess you’re not— wait, how—” I cut myself off, gaping at the game.

The screens displayed a checkerboard finish line, reading ‘Winner! Player 1.’ On my screen, I was shown as placing second. Lloyd had somehow pulled ahead of me at the last second.

“What was that you were about to say?” Lloyd asked coyly, eyes gleaming with victory. If his mask wasn’t on, I would definitely see the smug grin he wore.

I rolled my eyes, but smiled. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Good game,” I said with a huff.

He chuckled to himself, grabbing the tickets that appeared on his side of the ticket machine. One lone ticket came out of the machine on my side.

“Wow,” I laughed, head tilting back as giggles slipped from my lips. “One ticket! That is actually so hilarious.” I couldn’t stop laughing at the sight, the singular ticket compared to the 20 Lloyd received filling me with such bizarre amusement.

“A pity ticket,” Lloyd agreed solemnly with a nod. “What a shame.”

His serious expression did not help my laughter calm down. My stomach hurt from how hard I was laughing — it was strange. It wasn’t even that funny, yet I felt myself loosening up and relaxing.

Lloyd joined in my laughter after a second, eyes sparkling entertainingly. “Come on, second place,” he said after another minute, earning another chuckle from me, and rose from his seat. “Your pick this time.”

The laughter died down on my lips as I stood up. Deciding to just leave the ticket, I joined Lloyd at his side, scanning over other games we could play.

After another three rounds of me choosing a game followed by one of Lloyd’s picks — somehow, we were almost neck and neck with our amount of tickets, but Lloyd had slightly more — we spotted Cole and Zane at a boxing game and decided to join them.

“I hardly count this as fair,” Zane was saying to Cole as we got closer.

Cole shook his head, grabbing his tickets from the machine. “No way, man. I’m not even using my full strength right now. This thing would break if I did,” he teased, patting Zane — who didn't look pleased but conceded — on the back.

He looked like he was about to say more, but stopped when he saw us approaching. “Hey guys,” he said instead, smiling. “Having fun? Not beating Lloyd too hard at the games, are you?” he joked, aiming that last part at me.

“Ha-ha,” Lloyd deadpanned. “I’m actually in the lead with tickets right now.”

“Right now,” I repeated, sending him a side-eye glance. “We’re having fun, though.” Lloyd met my eye then, and smiled.

Cole nodded. “I’m totally beating Zane, too.”

“By a slim margin,” Zane corrected, raising his eyebrow. “And only because you’ve picked games that play into your skillset.”

Cole’s head tilted. “Isn’t that the whole point of this?”

A soft laugh left me at the exchange. “He’s not wrong. I’m doing the same,” I agreed with Cole. “Yet somehow, Lloyd is still beating me,” I huffed in faux annoyance.

“I’m just using the same strategy,” Lloyd shrugged, amusement playing on his features.

A round of laughs went around the group.

Taking a look at the clock on the wall, Cole nodded to the boxing game. “You guys gonna take a shot? Our passes are almost up, so you better hurry,” he said, stepping aside to make room if either of us wanted to play.

Lloyd glanced at me. I tapped a finger on my chin in thought. “I’ll have a go,” I replied, handing Lloyd the loops of tickets I’d amassed.

Scanning the pass on the machine, I waited for it to light up before taking a stance. A part of me was hesitant to take a punch. I didn't want to reveal my strength and raise any questions, but…

Oh, screw it. If I was being honest, I wanted to show off. Years of intense conditioning and training hadn’t made me weak, and if playing meant I’d beat that smug boy wearing green, I’d do it.

My fist cracked into the small speed bag. The screen displayed a number, which increased as I threw a few more blows onto the punching bag. The score racked up until the timer ran out, and I stepped back.

Although I didn't beat the previous high score — I imagined that one was Cole’s; it was too high for a buff guy like him to not have gotten it — I was pleased with my score. My lips curved into a small, proud smile.

“Not bad, kid,” Cole appraised the score. “You work out?”

“Something like that,” I answered, reaching over to get the tickets I earned. Another vague answer. I had to stop doing that.

Lloyd chuckled. “Full of surprises, aren't you?” he teased, crossing his arms. I sent him a playful wink.

“Are you gonna try, Lloyd?” I asked him as he handed over the rest of my tickets. “Because if we stop now, I’ll have beat you.” My lips spread in a smirk at the challenge, daring him to try.

He scoffed, crossing his arms again. “I don't want to show you up,” Lloyd taunted.

“Oh, really? You think you’ll do better than me? How about we make a bet?” I suggested. “If you get a higher score than me, I’ll give you half my tickets. But I bet you can’t,” I challenged, tucking my tickets into the crook of my arm as I crossed my arms.

Lloyd laughed. “You don't want to make that bet,” he promised. “Back me up here, guys.” He turned to Zane and Cole for backup.

“I don't know if you have what it takes, Lloyd,” Zane murmured, giving him a skeptical look. Cole snickered beside him.

“What? C’mon, guys,” Lloyd huffed.

My lips parted in a wide smile. “See? Not even they think you can beat me,” I teased. Zane and Cole chuckled, shaking their heads. “I’m just too strong.” I placed a hand atop my heart playfully.

Lloyd scoffed. “Watch this,” he announced, handing me his tickets and stepping up to the boxing game. The screen lit up as soon as he swiped his card over the scanner. Placing his foot slightly behind the other in a boxing stance, he swung a fist toward the bag.

The smirk dropped from my face, lips parting in surprise.

His fists pounded onto the speed bag. A right hook, left, uppercut — his hands moved almost too fast to perceive.

“Uh oh,” I laughed weakly as the scores on each of his hits added up for a total score surpassing mine.

The timer finished with a beep, and Lloyd stepped back from the machine, glimpsing at his score before his mouth curled into a smirk. He glanced at me, smirk growing when he saw the blatant shock on my face. I snapped my mouth shut.

“Looks like I owe you half of my tickets,” I managed to say after a second.

He laughed, eyes sparkling mischievously. “Keep them. Seeing that look on your face was all the reward I could want,” he teased, gently peeling his tickets away from my frozen hands. “I’ll see you at the ticket counter,” he said with a wink, walking away smugly.

Zane and Cole chuckled as he walked away, and I shot them an affronted glare. “You knew, didn’t you?” I accused them.

“I didn’t know he’d try that hard,” Cole defended with a laugh, lifting his hands in a placating gesture.

Zane nodded. “I didn’t anticipate it, either. I thought he’d go easy on you and let you win the bet,” he agreed.

My brows furrowed. “What? Why?”

The two shared a look.

“No reason,” Cole replied.

I squinted at them. I knew he was lying and that they knew something, but decided to drop it. It probably wasn’t too important.

“Alright,” I said, making sure I sent them a look that communicated they weren’t fooling me. A glance at the clock on the wall revealed that we had about a minute left of our passes. “We should probably group back up with the others,” I suggested, already starting to trail after Lloyd.

They followed behind me as I weaved through people, until I spotted Nya and Jay standing at the prize counter. I stepped up to them, feeling like I had forgotten something. Hm.

“Hey guys,” I greeted them. “Did you two have fun?”

Nya turned around to face me, a relaxed smile on her face. “Yeah! This was pretty chill. I’m glad you came with us, Mari.”

My lips curved into a smile. “Thanks, Nya. Me too. Cashing in on your prizes?” I asked curiously, glancing to where Jay was surveying the reward options.

She nodded, looking back at Jay to see him pick out a few pieces of candy and what looked to be a stuffed pickle. “For you, my favorite sea pickle,” he offered it to her, holding it up like it was the most precious thing in the world. It very well could’ve been, judging by the reverent expression on his face.

Nya burst into laughter, using a hand to cover her smile. “Aw, thank you, Jay,” she said, accepting it and giving it a hug.

My smile softened, heart throbbing at the two of them. They were so cute.

At that moment, someone stepped up beside me. Lloyd stood to my right, watching them with a fond smile. “They’re cute together, right?”

“The cutest. I think I’m going to faint over how cute they are.” I placed a hand over my forehead, pretending to look faint as I leaned onto Lloyd’s side.

Lloyd chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’ll catch you,” he promised me, hand gently circling my upper arm.

My heart skipped a beat at his touch, and I sank further into him. “I’m not worried,” I teased with a light smile, dropping my head back onto his shoulder.

He seemed to freeze at that, and I worried I’d made him uncomfortable. But then he cleared his throat. “That’s good,” he said, glancing away.

Was I imagining it or did his face redden a bit? It was hard to tell with his mask still on.

Zane and Cole joined us shortly after. They stared at how I leaned on Lloyd, and I straightened, pulling myself away.

Nya turned away from us to watch them approach. She glanced at the small pieces of paper in their hands — receipts, I realized. Then she looked to my hands, where I was still holding rows of tickets. “Did you forget to count your tickets?” she asked, a small smile on her face.

I blinked. “Oh.” That was what I was forgetting. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll come with you,” Nya said, and trailed after me.

Striding over to where the ticket counter machine was, I started inserting the various strips of bright orange tickets. Nya stood beside me.

“So,” she started, “that was something.”

I didn’t look up at her, instead keeping my focus on entering the tickets into the machine. “What was?” I asked innocently. Maybe if I pretended I didn’t know what she was talking about, she wouldn’t bring it up again.

Nya hummed skeptically. “That little display. You know, when you practically fell into Lloyd’s arms?” she said.

Inserting the last of my tickets, I let out a snort. “I didn’t fall into his arms. It was nothing. Just… lighthearted banter.”

She hummed again.

“Seriously, Nya. It was nothing,” I repeated.

“It didn’t look like nothing to someone,” she countered slyly, examining her fingernails.

I stared at her. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” she parroted my words, giving me a cheshire grin. “Just that a certain someone seemed to be a little flustered and flushed after a certain other someone leaned on them. But maybe that could be because the first certain someone was actually feeling warm. All those layers…”

She was starting to confuse me. “Okay, Nya,” I huffed out a laugh, shaking my head. We walked back to the counter, where Lloyd was conversing with the others. It looked very hush hush.

Jay spotted us approaching and jolted upright, arms flailing as he struggled to look nonchalant. “Oh, Nya, Mari. You’re back,” he said. “We were… doing nothing… important.”

I glanced at Lloyd, silently asking what was going on. He shrugged, looking away as if to say ‘nothing.’ My eyes narrowed in confusion. “Yep,” I told Jay. “We’re back.” Striding to stand next to Lloyd again, I turned to him. “What did your total ticket count end up being?” I asked him.

He coughed, glancing at the slip of paper. “455,” was his strained answer.

I tilted my head to the side, frowning with concern. “Are you okay? You sound a little… choked up.”

Lloyd cleared his throat again, scratching at the skin below his eye. “Yeah, no, I’m fine,” he assured me, but his reply was still a little forced.

Why was everyone being weird now?

“Right. I only got 421,” I told him, rereading the ticket receipt with a wince. “I don’t understand how you’re so good at these games.”

He seemed to relax at that. “Practice,” he revealed. “Lots and lots of practice.”

I chuckled. “Did you play lots of arcade games when you were younger?” I asked, staring up at him.

“Yep. It was the way I spent most of my time,” he explained.

“Then I never stood a chance,” I said, putting on an exaggerated expression of defeat. Lloyd laughed and apologized, but I smiled at him, shaking my head. “Today was fun, though.”

“For sure,” Lloyd agreed, looking down at me with a soft smile. “I’m glad you came.”

I returned his smile. “Me too.”

“Are you going to pick out any prizes?”

I brought my attention back to the various items held on display. A silver pegasus plush toy caught my eye, and I was tempted to get it, but held back. I noticed a bright green dragon plush next to it, and decided to get it for Lloyd.

“Could I get the stuffed green dragon?” I asked the person standing behind the counter. She nodded and handed me the plush after I gave her my receipt. I extended it to Lloyd. “For you. My favorite green dragon,” I said, giving him a wink as I mimicked Jay’s words from earlier.

Lloyd’s gaze dropped down to the stuffed toy in my hands before he accepted it with a soft laugh. “Thank you,” he smiled warmly.

Sometime when I had been choosing my prize, he had taken his face mask off, so now I could clearly see the warmth in his eyes and smile — as well as the barely-there dusting of pink on his cheeks. The sight made my knees weak.

“You’re welcome,” I replied, a similar smile gracing my lips.

“You guys are still here?” Jay asked suddenly.

I whipped around to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“Dude, we already left. I came back when we realized you hadn’t followed us outside.”

Pressing my lips together, I simply said, “Oh.”

“We’ll be out soon,” Lloyd told Jay, shifting the plush dragon in his arms. “I just… need to go to the bathroom.”

Jay gave him a look, but nodded. “You couldn't have gone earlier?” he mumbled under his breath as he left the arcade.

Lloyd turned back to me. “You can join the others. I’ll be right out,” he said.

“Okay.” I nodded, and made my way through the doors. It was starting to dim outside, sunlight gradually fading. The rest of the group stood a few feet outside of the arcade entrance, and I hurried to join them. “Hey,” I greeted them again.

“Sorry about that,” Cole apologized as I approached. “We didn’t realize you two were still inside.”

I waved his apology off with a hand. “It’s okay. We didn’t realize you left.”

“Where is Lloyd?” Zane questioned.

“He’s in the bathroom,” I replied, tucking my hands into my pockets. Zane nodded in acknowledgement. “Are we going anywhere after this?” I asked, making idle conversation. While talking about this hangout with Lloyd, I’d failed to ask if we were going to eat after or not.

“Probably just somewhere to eat,” Nya answered. “We were thinking some street food. Does that sound okay, Mari?”

I blinked, but nodded at her question. “Yeah, that sounds great!”

Nya smiled.

After another few moments, Lloyd came barreling out of the arcade, holding a plastic bag as he came to stand with us. “Sorry ‘bout that,” he apologized quickly, stuffing a hand in his pocket.

A chorus of accepted apologies sounded from the group.

“Are you coming to eat with us?” Lloyd turned to you, eyes lighting up in a hopeful expression.

“Yup,” I said, giving him a smile.

“Cool.” He nodded, returning my grin.

Everyone else started to lead the way to the street vendors we’d most likely head to, while me and Lloyd walked in the back.

“What’s in the bag?” I asked while the group was busy talking about something. I had a certain feeling Lloyd hadn’t brought it up while everyone was still looking at him because he didn’t want to bring everyone’s attention to it.

He glanced at me, before shuffling slightly closer, never once missing a step as we kept walking. He opened the bag to reveal the green plush I got him, as well as the silver winged horse I saw earlier. “I saw you were eying that silver pegasus earlier, so I wanted to get it for you. Y’know, since you got me that dragon toy. I didn't know whether to give it to you now or later,” he admitted, scratching at his cheek.

Warmth billowed into my face as I took in the bag that held the stuffed pegasus he got me — as well as how close he was standing. “Thank you, Lloyd.” I sent him a bright smile. “If you want, you can give it to me later, before I go back home.”

“Alright,” Lloyd said with a nod. He hooked the handles of the bag over his elbow and kept walking.

He didn't move away.

I hid my blush by keeping my eyes on the backs of the group.

Eventually, we arrived at a little plaza that held various street vendors selling all kinds of food. Some sold hot dogs, others had noodles, or sliders, falafel, tacos, etc — I surveyed the options and took my pick.

Once everyone else had their food, we found a little park bench tucked to the side of the plaza and sat down.

Lloyd sat to my right, his back facing the entrance of the square, while Nya was on my left. Jay sat across from her, with Cole next to him, and Zane was across from Lloyd.

No one really said anything, which was expected. We all focused on eating our own food.

It was a quiet moment, with everyone basking in the sun’s dimming rays, even as the fall weather beckoned a crisp wind to swirl around us. It was quiet, until it wasn’t.

“Is that Lloyd Garmadon? Look, it’s the Garmadork squad!” someone suddenly called behind us, to which others around them laughed. Everyone at the table stiffened. “Hey, who’s that with them?”

I was about to turn around to face them, but Lloyd stopped me by placing a hand on my back.

“Don’t,” he warned, glaring at them through the corner of his eye. “They’re from our school. If they recognize you, they’ll post about it online.”

“I don’t care about that,” I retorted.

“You will.” His voice was firm. He didn’t pull his hand away from my back. “Trust me.”

The corners of my lips pulled down into a frown, but when I looked to the rest of his friends to see what they thought about it, my heart dropped. Matching expressions of frustration and resignation weighing down their features.

“Seriously?” I stared. “You just take it?”

“There isn’t anything else we can do,” Jay mumbled. “At least anything that won’t prove the city right about Lloyd.”

Nya nodded, her eyes shifting in that same storminess from the first day of school, when she’d talked about how Lloyd was treated. “If we fight back or call them out, we prove everyone right. We prove that Lloyd is someone to be feared and cast out,” she said, anger making her look downright scary.

Silence followed from the rest of the group, but no such kindness was given from the other group of kids. They jeered at us, but didn’t come any closer. Lloyd’s hand tightened on my back at their insults.

The harassers saw this, and took no small amount of delight in calling it out. “Shit, that freak’s got a girlfriend,” one of them said to the others. “What kind of idiot would fall for him?”

Lloyd recoiled from me, pulling his hand away to stuff it in his pocket. Not much of his face was visible behind the golden strands of his hair, but I could still see the anger and shame burning in him at their words.

A similar pinprick of fury lit in me then, when I noticed the way Lloyd tensed beside me as they continued spewing their hurtful words.

“Look at him,” another person sneered. “He’s so ashamed. You should be! Tyrants don’t deserve to be happy!” they directed at him.

The words struck a chord in me, and I snapped.

Ignoring everyone’s shouts, I rose from my seat, pushing past Lloyd’s outstretched hand and making my way to the group of teenagers.

Look at her. Can you believe the audacity of a criminal to be out in public? She and her brother deserve to be outcasts — they’re dangerous.

Quiet fury burned in my veins, stirred hotter by the insults hurled my way as I approached.

“Damn, looks like the freak’s girlfriend is mad,” one of them snickered. As I got closer, one of the girls leaned closer to her friend to whisper, “Hey, isn’t that the new—”

All of them recoiled from me as I suddenly cracked my fist into one of the guys’ nose.

He crouched away from me, cradling his nose as blood gushed out of it. “What the hell?” he shouted, blood dribbling down his chin.

Around us, phones whipped out to record the fight, but I just shook my head in distaste. “Don’t be an asshole if you don’t want to get hit like one,” I told him, not bothering to hide the venom dripping from my voice.

The girl who’d recognized me whirled her phone toward me threateningly. “Stop! Go away!” she yelled. “You’re the new kid at Ninjago High, right? We’ll get you expelled!”

I scoffed out a dry laugh. “For what? Defending a friend from being harassed? I’m not on school grounds, and I could threaten you with the same,” I retorted before turning away.

A brief whistle of air was the only thing to alert me that the guy I’d punched was swinging at me. I veered to the left, feeling the air from his punch graze my arm as I dodged the blow. “You don't learn, do you?” I scowled, turning back to face him.

The guy shouted angrily before swinging again. His punches were messy, anger clouding his thoughts. I sidestepped them with ease.

“Just stop, before you hurt yourself,” I warned, grabbing his fist and spinning him around to fall onto the floor.

I crouched down next to him, not worried about being hit since he was out of breath and limp on the ground. “And just remember, your threats don’t scare me. Come after Lloyd again, and you don’t need to worry about fearing him — it won’t be Lloyd who will come after you,” I whispered next to him, my voice low enough that only he could hear.

With that, I rose from my feet and walked away. I ignored the looks on everyone’s faces as I got to the bench and swiped my food wrapper from the table. “Thanks for today. I had fun,” I said and turned away without meeting their eyes. “And I’m sorry.”

I left before they could stop me, grimacing at the silence as I walked off. I’d definitely wrecked whatever friendships I was starting to have with them.

“Dammit,” I cursed myself once I was across the street from the plaza. No one had followed me. I didn’t know whether to be glad or feel miserable because of that fact.

“Things were going well, but you had to screw that up, didn’t you?” I muttered under my breath, frustration and shame heating my face up and bringing stinging tears to my eyes. “You got a brand new start, and you just had to ruin it.”

Even though it was only around five, it was getting increasingly darker as I made my way back to the apartment, one hand clenched around the key in my pocket while the other remained free, in case something happened.

I was breaking one of Skylor’s rules; no one was walking me home. Then again, I’d already broken the “behave” rule, so it wasn’t like this was my only transgression.

Nevertheless, I found myself keeping a watchful eye on my surroundings. I would not let my emotions make me an easy target.

A rustle came from behind me, quiet enough where I wouldn’t have heard it if not for the heightened hearing my whisps allowed. It was a human, by the sound of it. Male. Tall.

“Hell no,” I grumbled under my breath, walking faster. Hell if I was going to end up kidnapped or killed because I had been stupid enough to let my emotions get the better of me earlier and effectively cut off the friends that could’ve dropped me off.

I crossed the street suddenly, testing to see if I really was being followed. A few seconds passed and the man didn’t cross over to my side. I was ready to dismiss it as paranoia, but then he crossed, subtly. Pulled out his phone as if looking at directions. I scowled.

Okay, time for test number two.

These parts of Ninjago City, the parts not as close to Skylor’s apartment building, weren’t yet familiar to me where I was comfortable enough to split off public roads into alleys, but there didn’t feel like much else of a choice. I had to shake him.

Keeping a careful watch on the man with my whispers, I headed down a tight alleyway that should’ve still led to the direction of the apartment.

It felt like the man finally realized I was aware of him following me, because his pace sped up, anxious to catch up to me. My heart started beating faster, but I forced myself to keep calm. Panic would not help me now.

Walking wasn’t proving to be enough to shake him off, so when I spotted a wall I could climb up, I quickly hoisted myself onto a ledge and pulled myself over to lay flat on the connecting roof.

Placing a hand over my mouth, I waited for the man to pass the wall I’d scaled, tracking him with my whisps until he was far enough away where he wouldn’t find me again. I slid down the wall, landing silently. Skylor’s apartment wasn’t too far now, and I hurried to get there.

Once I reached the familiar glass door, I breathed out a sigh of relief. I buzzed myself in and climbed up the steps to get to our floor. Now safely inside the locked apartment, I strode over to the couch and collapsed on the cushions.

“That was way too close,” I mumbled into the cushions. If I had been any more distracted, something bad could’ve happened.

I silently resolved to explore more of the city. That would never happen again. Not on my watch.

Exhaustion suddenly came over me, weighing down my eyelids. I let them drift shut, feeling my muscles go limp as I sank further into the couch.

——————————

It was a fitful nap. No dreams or memories, but rest was elusive as smoke.

The sound of a lock being opened and a doorknob rattling open stirred me awake, and I squinted as I slowly lifted my head from the couch to peer at the sound’s origin.

Skylor walked through the door. Light from the hallway backlit her as she entered, laughing softly.

Kai trailed in after her. He was leaning in like he was about to kiss her.

I coughed loudly, clearing my throat to announce my presence before I witnessed something I’d want to burn from my memory.

The two startled at my cough, with Skylor staring at me as Kai frowned.

“Mari? What are you doing here?” she asked, peeling herself away from Kai — who’d started to take off his jacket — to walk over to the couch. “It’s still early, why aren’t you with the n— with your friends?”

I tilted my head at her slipup but looked away when I processed her question. “No reason,” I lied, tucking my knees to my chest and leaning against the couch’s back.

Skylor frowned at the obvious lie. “Did someone walk you back home?”

“No,” I murmured, already feeling tired of where the conversation was going.

“Why not? Did something happen?”

At that, Kai looked up from where he’d been kneeling to take his shoes off. Suspicion and mistrust flared in his eyes as he stepped closer. “What did you do?” he demanded.

I bristled at his words. “I didn’t do anything,” I scowled, but then my anger faded away as quick as it had lit, replaced by shame. “Not to them.”

Alarm flashed in Skylor’s expression. “What happened?” she repeated. I didn’t miss the way her eyes carefully scanned my person for any injuries.

“I…” Hesitation made the words drift away.

“Did you hurt them?” Kai butted in again, still not letting it go.

Skylor turned to him with a disappointed frown. “Kai.”

“No, I want to know,” Kai whipped to face her, anger burning in his eyes. But underneath that anger, some other emotion was present. It looked like panic, or protectiveness.

“I didn’t hurt your friends,” I told him firmly.

Kai looked back at me, doubt permeating his expression. Skylor’s slight worry turned into concern as she noted the way I called them Kai’s friends, not mine.

“Mari, what happened?”

I sighed, looking away as guilt displayed itself on my face. “Some jerks were harassing Lloyd while we were out eating. I… punched one of them.”

The two looked taken aback. Slight respect cut through the fog of Kai’s mistrust, but it was quickly replaced by frustration. “You punched someone?” Kai hissed. “Why would you—” He took a moment to calm himself. “Look, it’s great and all that you wanted to defend Lloyd, but you do know that you’re just proving to the whole city that he — and everyone he associates himself with — is violent, right?”

“I know!” I snapped. “I just— maybe you didn’t know before, but I know what it’s like being an outcast in society. So when those assholes started spewing their crap, I just lost it, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt Lloyd more by punching the guy. And it won’t happen again.”

Kai barked out a laugh. “Believe me, I know about you,” he said. That made me narrow my eyes. “I know all about how you were shunned because you were related to a criminal. That means you should’ve known better,” he reprimanded harshly. My blood went cold when he mentioned my past. “Because guess what? If those people post about what you did online, Lloyd’s reputation is gonna be even worse!”

“You think I don’t know that?” I retorted, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I can’t go back in time and stop myself from doing it, but I promise that it won’t happen again.”

“Oh yeah?” Kai scoffed. “How can I trust the promise of Ikarashi’s niece?”

Once again, my blood froze when Kai spoke.

“How do you know that name?”

My voice was barely audible to my own ears, so it was a wonder Kai heard it. However, it seemed he hadn’t meant to say those words out loud, because he slammed his mouth shut when he realized his slip.

“What name?” He put on a look of confusion, one that I didn’t buy for a second.

“Don’t play dumb,” I snarled. “You just said you knew that I was related to a criminal, but you shouldn’t know who.”

He didn’t answer, but his face said it all.

“You looked into my past, didn’t you?” I breathed out, laughing dryly as I looked away from him. “You… What are you gonna do now, huh? Now that— now that you know Lloyd’s friend is the niece of a yakuza crime boss? Are you gonna banish me from seeing him? Report me to the police?” I goaded him, eyes glinting with dark amusement, daring him to try something.

Kai’s face darkened with barely concealed rage. Skylor’s silence during our discussion didn’t go unnoticed by me.

“Whatever you do won’t be more than I’ve already gone through, I can assure you of that,” I told him, wiping the bitter smile off my face to scowl at him instead.

Sudden understanding dawned on Skylor’s face.

Kai sneered, fists clenching at his sides. “Maybe I will! You’re more of a danger to Lloyd than I thought,” he muttered quietly, his threat making a small pinprick of fear pierce my heart.

“No, you won’t,” came Skylor’s firm reply.

Both of us whipped around to stare at her.

“Why not?” Kai argued. “Do you see her right now? Did you hear her? If she keeps being around Lloyd, she’ll bring more of the police’s attention onto him when he’s done nothing wrong!”

“Have you forgotten who your girlfriend is?” Skylor countered. “I’ve done worse than what she did. Chen was my father. Do you think I deserve to be in jail because of that?”

Kai sighed, almost running a hand through his hair, but stopping just shy of the brown locks. “That’s different!”

“How? How is it any different?” she asked, crossing her arms.

“You’re didn’t— you were never—”

“Yes, I did, and yes, I was,” Skylor interrupted. “I was completely complicit in his illegal fighting arenas and in his other crimes. I was fully aware of it and didn’t feel any remorse.”

Silence met her words as Kai begrudgingly accepted her argument.

“I don’t know if Mari was involved in her uncle’s crimes, but regardless, she left that part of her past behind. She came here to get away and have a fresh start at life,” she finished.

Surprise lit my eyes at her words. Skylor glanced at me, nodding her head in understanding. “I know, Mari. I figured it was why… I see myself in you, you know.” Guilt suddenly washed over me, the memory of my hidden mask burning me with shame.

Turning back to Kai, Skylor jutted a finger into his chest. “And damn it if I’ll let her second chance be taken away from her. I got my second chance — do not take away hers.”

No one said anything after that last line.

“Fine,” Kai eventually huffed. “I won’t report her to the police.”

Skylor raised an eyebrow at him.

He sighed, grumbling under his breath and reluctantly turning to face me. “And I won’t banish you from seeing Lloyd. But I’m warning you: do anything to hurt him, and you’ll wish you never came to Ninjago City.”

Skylor didn’t look too happy with the second part of Kai’s sentence, but she nodded. She was probably thinking the same thing as me: that it was Kai’s way of protecting Lloyd. The same way she was protecting me.

“Thanks,” I said to Kai, making an effort to meet his apology with less hostility. “But I doubt Lloyd wants to be my friend anymore, anyway.”

“Fine by me,” Kai muttered. He yelped when Skylor elbowed him.

“Come here,” Skylor said to Kai, pulling him by an arm to the kitchen, out of my earshot — or at least what it should’ve been if I’d been a normal person. But I had no desire to listen in on their conversation, so I ensured the whispers stilled around them so I wouldn’t overhear anything.

Without my enhanced hearing, I could barely hear the hushed tones they spoke in. But watching them was enough to gauge what they were saying.

As they came to some sort of an agreement, Kai leaned down to peck Skylor on the lips before he pulled his jacket and shoes on and left. As the door clicked shut, Skylor sighed before turning to look at me.

“Me and you are going to have a talk,” she said, her tone leaving no room for debate. But with a glance at the clock on the wall, she sighed once more. “Tomorrow.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

Skylor nodded at my agreement and turned to head into her room. “Goodnight, Mar.”

“Goodnight,” I replied, watching her enter the room and shut the door. With a sigh, I eventually got up from the couch to walk into my own bedroom, closing the door with a click and collapsing onto my bed. I didn't bother changing out of what I was dressed in — it wasn't uncomfortable enough to be a priority, not when the day’s exhaustion had worn me down so easily.

My phone buzzed with a notification from where I’d placed it on the nightstand. I turned on ‘do not disturb’ and flipped it over. With my luck, it’d be a text from Lloyd, either saying he didn't want to be my friend or asking me to talk to him about what happened.

I couldn't deal with either of those things right now.

Besides, tomorrow was Sunday. I still had a day to think through what happened and process how I was feeling before I dove into a big discussion with Lloyd and his friends.

But you and Skylor are going to talk tomorrow, too, I reminded myself. Ah, yes. Another thing to add to my laundry list of handling the mess that was my life.

Thankfully, sleep came easily this time. It only took a few seconds to drift into unconsciousness.

——————————

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#lego ninjago #lloyd garmadon #lloyd garmadon x oc #ninjago fic #lego ninjago fanfiction #ninjago x oc #coracal's fics: north wind

[squirrelno2]

remember Tayo? I have more. this is from The Vault and was waiting for this fic to be complete, as my brain is still mush and i am not writing anything new rn, but you know what this snippet can stand on its own just like the last one! the only thing that kills me about this is we still aren't actually at the part where she meets the clone who I made up first but it's fiiine we'll get to her eventually. for now have a sad grieving space lesbian (@what-point-is-there guess what! she's so sad. again. still.)

Uchira had been the studious one. As younglings, whenever Tayo couldn’t find her, she would go to the Archive. Uchira was always there, lekku twitching in concentration as she took feverish notes. She was why Tayo came to the Archive for peace. She was also why Tayo never found it anymore – peace had never been the quiet of the stacks, Tayo was coming to realise, but the quiet of her.

Tayo liked to think that, if she’d been asked to give up her love for Uchira, she could have done it. They’d made a pact, when the bubbly giddiness of their first kiss had died down, that the service of the Jedi and the galaxy always came first.

“I love you, and because I love you I don’t want you to break any vows for me,” Uchira had said intently. “Promise me you won’t choose me over the greater good. I wouldn’t want to have that weight on my shoulders.”

The way Uchira had said it always stuck with Tayo. That weight. Love made her feel like flying away, but as padawans they’d both been on enough dangerous missions they knew what fear for each other felt like. It was a weight, and Tayo didn’t want Uchira to choose her over an innocent citizen any more than Uchira did.

They hadn’t made a plan for what to do if choosing each other wasn’t even an option. Tayo played Geonosis over in her mind frequently, every morning before she got out of bed. There had been no chance to change things, and nothing to feel guilty over. Uchira had been there one second and gone the next. Nobody to sacrifice, and only the Sith to blame. Being a Jedi, Tayo refused to dwell on the blame, because that would mean anger.

The trouble was, without anger, she was left with nothing much.

Tayo suspected her old master knew more than they were letting on. Master Fiqa had encouraged Tayo and Uchira’s friendship as padawans, but they had also pulled Tayo aside shortly before her knighting and spoken to her at length about what it truly meant to stay free of attachment. Tayo had assured the old Iktotchi that she would always prioritise her duties as a Jedi. She thought Master Fiqa believed her; she also thought that Master Fiqa was watching her closely these days, too closely to be casual concern.

Still, Tayo loved her old master, and at least dinners with them meant less chance to sit there alone and remember. Wherever Fiqa invited her, she would go.

This was how they ended up at a small, hole-in-the-wall Mirialan restaurant well below Coruscant’s surface.

“Master Nu tells me you’ve been quite the scholar lately,” said Master Fiqa. Tayo bit her lip, wishing the food would arrive. She’d known this was coming.

“It’s something to do,” Tayo said. She immediately knew it was the wrong thing to say.

“If you let your feelings fester, they will only grow,” Master Fiqa said. “You must let them go. Cry into your food if you have to, they’ve seen worse here.”

“Master,” Tayo said. “I’m not going to cry.”

“Good,” Fiqa said. “Then speak to me.”

To Tayo’s frustration, tears pricked at her eyes at Fiqa’s matter-of-fact tone.

“There’s nothing to say,” she said. “You know what happened.”

“I am not asking for facts, Tayonissa,” Fiqa said intently. “I am asking how you feel.”

Tayo pressed her tongue to the back of her teeth, trying to breathe. Her master had always been like this – never content to let Tayo deal with things on her own terms. The worst part was, Uchira had usually agreed with them. Uchira thought that Tayo didn’t deal with her feelings as often as she just walked away from them.

If Uchira was here, the whole sad thing would spill out of Tayo’s mouth. If Uchira was here, there would be no need.

“I feel as well as can be expected,” Tayo said. She shrugged, giving Fiqa an awkward smile. “I don’t know what you want me to say here. We both know Geonosis left its mark on me.”

She tapped her temple hopefully, just where her eyebrow stopped and the scars began. Fiqa didn’t seem swayed.

“It did,” Fiqa said. “So what will you do about it?”

“Do?” Tayo repeated. “What is there to do? Nothing is the same, Master, and with this war it’ll keep happening, and I’m not anyone special. I can’t change the past. I can’t affect the future. There’s nothing I can do.”

That was dangerously close to an admission. Tayo pressed her mouth closed and tried to look less like a scared little girl.

“You blame the war.”

“I don’t blame anyone,” Tayo said. Her voice was shaking. She forced each word out ruthlessly, speeding up in case she lost it before the end. “I know who’s to blame, and who isn’t. I know what happened. I know why we’re at war. I don’t have to like it, but I can’t do a thing about it.”

“No,” said Master Fiqa. “Nor I. But there are some smaller outcomes we do have the power to change. Uchira’s death was wrong, my old padawan, and you have every right to mourn. Will you turn your back on everyone you could help, simply because you cannot change the path of the galaxy at large?”

Promise me you won’t choose me over the greater good. I wouldn’t want that weight.

“Is this about the battalion they want me to command?” Tayo said at last. It wasn’t a yes. But it wasn’t a no. Her master, as ever, made some valid points.

“I talked them down,” Master Fiqa said. Tayo couldn’t help but sit back in her seat, sighing explosively.

“They don’t have enough Jedi to turn into soldiers?”

“Tayo,” Master Fiqa said. They both paused as their food finally arrived. Starving and exhausted from the conversation, Tayo tucked into her meal immediately. When she glanced up, she saw Master Fiqa smiling slightly at her.

“What?” she said playfully. “Do my bad table manners make you nostalgic?”

“Yes,” Master Fiqa said. They took a bite of their own meal. “Tayo, I’ve convinced them you would be a good fit for relief missions.”

Tayo nearly swallowed too soon, and hacked into the back of her throat to keep herself from choking. When she’d chewed properly, she sat back once more, watching her old master. There was only sincerity in their face. Tayo suspected that others might not be so genuine – she had a feeling the non-Jedi in charge of this new army thought all the Jedi who refused to take on proper combat roles were weak, especially given a few of the things she’d heard after she categorically refused command. Still, relief missions weren’t fighting. As Master Fiqa had said, what good would it do to leave people to suffer, just because Tayo was upset she couldn’t stop this war altogether?

“So not really war, then.”

“You may see combat,” Master Fiqa warned. “Breaking blockades. Protecting innocents. The Separatists will likely target you, even if you’re on a mission of mercy.”

Everything was too good to be true, if it was good at all. Tayo thought about it.

“I get to work like a regular Jedi, though, right?” she said. “On my own.”

“This isn’t a diplomatic mission,” Master Fiqa said, and for the first time in a very long time there was a brittle sort of fury in their face. “Or even some planetary conflict. You are not doing this alone.”

“I’m not putting anyone else at risk!” Too much. Tayo searched for something to save face. “What kind of Jedi would I be?”

“Tayonissa Miran. You are a servant of the Republic, and to do your job you are going to have to take command in some way. More than that, a Jedi should know that there are things we cannot do alone. More than that…”

Master Fiqa’s face crumpled with sadness. Tayo’s throat swelled.

“I do not wish to lose you,” Fiqa said. “My padawan. You are a good and kind Jedi, and I foresee you doing great things. They all require that you remain alive.”

Tayo rubbed her face, and winced as she pressed too hard into the new scar tissue at her temple.

“I never replaced my lightsabres,” she said at last. “And how many people are we talking, exactly?”

She hadn’t realised how stiffly Master Fiqa had been sitting until they relaxed.

“Just a small squad,” they promised. “Eight men.”

Tayo forced a smile and finally returned to her food. Eight. She could handle eight people.

#star wars #clone wars #fanfic #sw ocs #jedi oc #Tayo (oc) #snippets and sneak peeks

[greyias]

It’s halfway through October and I’m finally in a spot where I have processed everything and am not an absolute wreck anymore. I’ve discussed this in private and over on Twitter, but I know some over here are probably wondering what’s gone down in the past 16+ days.

Fair warning, frank (and sort of graphic) discussions about pet medical issues ahead.

At the very end of September, I had to bring Griffin in for an emergency vet visit because he was... well. Bleeding. Out of an orifice in which you shouldn’t be bleeding. All of this was preceded by two weeks of him having issues with blood in his stool (never a good sign) -- and the ultimate culprit turned out to be a tumor that his body was basically trying to eject forcibly.

He had surgery to successfully remove it, and his recovery was, in a word, painful. Excruciating for him (despite being on several heavy medications), and within a week had me completely sleep deprived and at my wit’s end. Thankfully, after a few days boarding at the vet, he’s fully mended from the surgery. Eating and doing everything a dog should do normally, without pain, and without medication. So in the short term, he’s doing all right.

Long term... there’s not really one. The biopsy came back and he has high grade malignant lymphoma, so my baby boy is on borrowed time. They said that it’s likely to come back within a few weeks to maybe a few months. I keep going through the five stages of grief at various intervals, but I’m trying to make the remaining time I have left with him as happy an experience for him as possible.

You wouldn’t know he’s terminal at this point, as he’s as happy and exuberant and weird and loving as ever. Which in some ways is helping keeping me distracted from getting to sad or angry, because it’s hard to not laugh or smile at his antics.

It’s not fair that he doesn’t get to have a full, long life. We never get enough time with our pets, but this... this feels extremely cruel. This is compounded by the fact that my other, older dog also is probably going to have liver failure at some point here within the next few months. So I’m going to go through this twice in a short time span, and that’s really going to suck when it happens.

To top it off... my dad has cancer. I do not know what stage it’s at, nor how long I have left with him, because my family... they kind of suck at the moment, and aren’t telling me anything directly. I'm trying to be understanding that we're all dealing with things as best we can, but it really sucks to hear crappy news third hand. (You might ask if I’ve tried to ask for details. Yes, and I was told “I’m just trying not to think about it” when asked. Cool.)

The only ones openly communicating with me are my brother and his wife, who are joyfully expecting a second baby, but also are going to be moving across the country to be closer to her family for help with childcare as daycare is slowly bankrupting them (because did I mention my immediate family is kind of going through a sucky period right now? Sort of understandably so but still.)

That’s kind of the long and short of it right now, and one of the reasons I’m super quiet at the moment. (The other reason is this is the busiest season of the year at work for me, so I kind of drop off the radar for a few weeks anyway).

I probably won't talk about this on main too much, because I'm just trying to focus on enjoying what little time I have left with my babies and I don't really want to dwell on what life without them is going to be like. (I'll have plenty of time for that when it comes). So, if it seems like I post a lot of doggo pictures here or on Twitter, or just go full ham on fannish things, I'm just trying to distract myself.

In short: Am I okay? Yeah, as best as I can be at this point. Heartbroken, but trying to cope.

#personal

[naminethewriter]

Between Two Lives Chapter Three: Wrath

Masterpost | First | Previous | Next | Ao3

Story Summary: Written for Intrulogical Week 2022 @intrulogicalweek

Logan is stuck in Limbo until the Afterlife Registration Bureau processes his case so he can properly move onto a afterlife, whether that is heaven, hell, reincarnation or something else. While wandering around aimlessly, he’s approached by a demon that introduces himself as Remus and offers him a quicker way to the next life.

Content Warnings: Conspiracy Theories, Yelling, Rage Room

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Welcome to Sector W, Prof!” Remus cheerfully announces as they appear in another rather nondescript street in Limbo.

 “This… is not as obvious as the last one. Who is this sector for?” Logan asked, looking around. There were a lot of apartment buildings like in his own sector but also a lot of wide buildings he could only guess were either community centers or gyms.

 “You’ll see,” Remus grinned mischievously. “Come along, we’re going to attend a lecture.” That certainly peaked Logan’s interest.

 “A lecture? What about?”

 “Have some patience, doc. We won’t have to go far,” Remus answered with a quiet laugh, leading the way. Logan frowned – frowned, not pouted – and followed without another word. There were a lot of people around here, often talking in groups and waving their arms around like they were trying desperately to get a point across. Something about the sight made Logan uncomfortable. But before he could dwell on it for longer, Remus stopped.

 “Here we are!” he said joyfully. Logan followed his gaze to the entrance of a wide, one-story building. And his blood ran cold when he read the sign posted in front of it.

“Please tell me not here to attend that meeting,” he groaned. But Remus smile crushed his hopes before the demon even opened his mouth.

 “I could but that would mean lying to you! And you don’t want me to lie, do you?”

 Logan sighed audibly as his eyes returned to the sign that read: ‘Flat Earth Society, Meetings Every Day, Starting at 1pm’.

 “How would they even know if it’s 1pm?” he asked, already developing a headache. “Time works differently here.”

 “Oh, you’ll see soon enough!” Remus sing-songed, grabbing Logan’s arm and dragging him along. “Your challenge is to sit quietly and listen to them for two hours. No arguments, no rebuttals, no nothing.”

 “Isn’t one hour enough? Please, Remus, their believes go against everything I worked for my entire life!”

 “Nope, sticking with two! And that’s me being generous. I promise I’ll take you somewhere fun after if you can hold it in.” He shimmied his shoulders and Logan had a suspicion that he’s missing something but he rather not ask. Instead, he takes a few deep breaths before letting Remus drag him inside.

 At the entrance their given pins by a way too happy woman asking if it was their first time attending which Remus gleefully confirmed. Delightful to see new faces, she explained to them the schedule for the day and that they were free to grab drinks and food from the tables at the side. Logan did grab a water bottle, if only to keep himself from screaming.

 They took their seats and thankfully were left alone by any other conspiracy theorists because Logan might have punched whoever tried to discuss with him the flaws in his life’s work. They would listen to two speeches that would both last around an earth hour and then they could leave. Thankfully, Remus had timed their arrival well and soon the first speaker stepped up to the podium.

 Thirty minutes in, Logan was contemplating smashing his head against the backrest of the chair in front of him. And the first ten minutes was just introductions to today’s speakers, thank yous to the organizers and volunteers, as well as a memorial to a guy called ‘Mad Mike’ Hughes who died trying to go to space in a self-built rocket and crashed. Logan had had tears in his eyes and not because he was sad.

 “They can try all they want to keep us from the truth,” the current speaker boasted, “they can confide us here in this facility all they like, but we will not be shaken!” Loud applause followed his proclamation, but Logan tuned them out. He turned to Remus.

 “What does he mean ‘facility’?”

 “Oh,” Remus giggled, seemingly having waited for Logan to ask him just that question. “A lot of the people here believe they aren’t actually dead but that they came too close to figuring out the truth so the government locked them in here so they can’t gather any more followers.”

 Logan stared at him like he had grown a second head.

 “Wha- How? What government? How would anyone be able to afford that?!” Remus just shrugged and put his finger against his lips, motioning for Logan to continue listening. Taking a big gulp from his water bottle, Logan swallowed down all the curses and questions he had. Arguing with people like this won’t work, he knew that, but that made listening to them any easier.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 As soon as the second speaker ended his speech and applause broke out in the audience, Logan was on his feet, walking towards the exit. Remus followed him, the biggest grin on his face. The woman that had greeted them earlier wished them a good day and said that she hoped they would come again but Logan didn’t even look at her. He just wanted to leave and get away from all of these people as soon as possible.

 He didn’t stop outside though but kept walking stubbornly down the road. Remus followed him silently, wondering what was about to happen. They continued like that until they reached the end of the sector. Logan stopped at the border, standing ridged and still.

 “So,” Remus began after a few moments of silence, but was cut off as Logan started loudly screaming into the void.

 “FALSEHOOD! YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS! FUCKING IDIOTS! EVEN ARISTOTLE KNEW THE EARTH IS ROUND! IMBECILES!”

 Silence fell over them again as Logan took a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

 “Damn, Wristwatch,” Remus said eventually. “That was fucking hot.” Logan ignored his comment.

 “I pass your challenge, I presume?”

 “Yeah, you did. I’m impressed, I thought you would blow up in the first hour.”

 “It was a certainly a close call. Now, I believe you said you would take me somewhere fun?”

 “Sure thing! Gimme your hand and we’ll be on our way.” Logan did so without another word, just wanting to get away from that cursed place. The two reappeared in a plaza of some kind, with imposing buildings surrounding it. It reminded Logan a lot of old city centers in Europe.

 “Welcome to the neutral zone! Or Sector Zero if you want. This place is not really for undecided souls like yourself, but nobody should question you as long as you stick with me. Now, no need to pop your eyes out of their sockets, we’ll be back here soon.” Remus again dragged Logan with him, this time towards a café.

 The inside reminded Logan vaguely of Starbucks and the place had a few customers but wasn’t unbearingly full. Remus didn’t hesitate to approach the counter where a man in a leather jacket and with sunglasses stood, staring at his phone. He didn’t have any characteristics that would identify him as a demon or angel but somehow Logan doubted he was just any random soul.

 “Remy!” Remus greeted cheerfully. “We need the bashing room.” The man looked up and raised an eyebrow.

 “Remus, babe! Long time no see. And you brought someone new along.”

 “Yeah! This is Lo Lo. He’s an astronomy professor and I just made him listen to flat earthers for two hours, so he needs to hit some things,” Remus explained, jumping up and down.

 “I would, too, if I had to sit through that. Kinda harsh, gurl. Follow me.” Remy led them through a door off to the side and through a few corridors before he stops in front of a door with a sign on it that read ‘free’. He flips it over so that it instead said ‘occupied’.

 “You know how it works, Rem. Don’t break each other and no making out. It’s not that kind of letting off steam and you know it.” He points an accusing finger at Remus who flips him off. With a roll of his eyes, Remy leaves.

 “What are we doing?” Logan asked as Remus opened the door and ushered him inside.

 “Rage room! The unlimited kind! You can bash whatever you want with whatever you want as long as it isn’t alive. Get out all that frustration you just built up.” Logan looked skeptical.

 “Isn’t that dangerous?”

 “I just told you yesterday. You don’t have a flesh prison anymore; nothing can actually hurt you. Except some very specific stuff that you won’t find here. But if you’re too much of a scaredy cat, you can have some protective stuff. Now what do you want to hit and what do you want to hit with?”

 Logan hesitated for a moment more before shrugging. Might as well.

 “Give me a bat.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 “You should’ve seen him, Janny. I could’ve traced the veins on his head. If he still had an actual body, I might’ve feared they would pop.” Remus rambled about his day while Janus stroked his hair.

 “So he was predictably furious. I hope you didn’t torture him for too long.”

 “I didn’t! It was just two earth hours, that is basically nothing!”

 “I am so proud of you for showing such restraint,” Janus commented dryly, causing his boyfriend to giggle.

 “Thank you, it was really hard.”

 “Yes, I’m sure it was.” He fondly rolled his eyes. They fell into silence for a moment. “You’re really starting to like him, aren’t you?” Janus asked quietly.

 “I mean, kinda. He’s fun to be around.” Remus played with the seams on his shirt, not looking his boyfriend in the eyes. Janus sighed.

 “Just be careful not to push him too far, Muse. He’s just a human, after all.”

 “Yeah, I know.”

#namiswriting #Between Two Lives #Chapter 3: Wrath #intrulogicalweek2022 #intrulogical #dukeceit #ts remus #remus sanders #ts logan #logan sanders #sleep remy #remy sanders #ts janus #janus sanders #conspiracy theorists #flat earthers #yelling #rage room #afterlife au #limbo #professor!logan #demon!remus #demon!janus #multichapter fic #sanders sides #fanfiction #reblogs are appreciated #not proofread

[gwyns]

Aw kenzie I rlly hope you feel better soon. I too have been feeling like shit lately. One of the reasons is because my life just feels so meaningless and empty. Unlike me everyone around me knows what they want and who they want to be and as happy as I am for them it makes me feel so lost and purposeless. It makes me feel like a waste of air and I constantly wonder why I was even put on this earth. I know we feel sad for different reasons but I am sharing anyways because I think sometimes knowing others are in similar situations or struggling as well lifts that feeling of loneliness a bit. My advice is to do things you love. I’ve been shopping a lot because it’s what I love doing (even though I’ll just be sad AND broke but hey at least I have some cute new clothes) so just do things that bring you joy. They won’t completely chase away the sadness but they are reminders that there is joy and happiness to be found in life. Also try to get a lot of sleep and eat yummy food

oh anon it hurts my heart to read this. i swear that you're not alone and that i've been there and understand your feelings completely. i still feel that way sometimes. i have people in my life too, mostly in my family, that are so far ahead of me career wise and relationship wise that it just makes me feel like a total failure, and i too often wonder what the point of my existence is... but then i think about all the people i know and all the nice things they say about me and maybe, just maaaybe that's enough. maybe that's why i'm here, to bring some kind of happiness into someone else's life

it's still hard, especially when you have no idea where you're going or what you want to do or how to obtain anything that you do know you want but you're so so very important, anon. you've shown me kindness with your message and it's made me feel a little less alone. one day, we'll both figure everything out and be living our best lives. i promise <3

i'm so happy that you're doing things you love! i like shopping too (i actually just bought a couple of animal crossing build a bears since they were on sale lol), but i wish it were free. retail therapy helps distract me from my dumb feelings 😭

and you're so right about sleeping lol. i have been sleeping a lot recently, this is going to sound so pathetic but it's one of the only ways that helps me to not dwell on my feelings or overthink and those are both things i've been doing far too much as of late

ps i'd absolutely love to hear about your cute clothes!!! or anything else you want to talk about bc i am always here, no matter what anyone wishes to discuss 🥰💖

#asks #anonymous

[ecl1pse]

flip that is such a cute song!! the mv is sooo pretty!! tho i will say it feels a bit outdated, we have seen this, from the train to the color scheme. it feels very 2019/2020 imo. i won’t dwell too much on that bc after all, nothing is new & everything has been made before. (but i will say that for a group that has always been so innovative…it feels a bit sad to this).

back to the song tho, it’s cute!! & it doesn’t have any long & hard runs so it will easier for the girls to perform live!! i like that. that being said it does seem a bit tamed for a loona title track. if i’d only heard it without watching the mv i would’ve thought it was a b-side, not the title track. it’s definitely not the return to the loona sound i was hoping for but!!!! it is closer!!! & that’s giving me hope (i still like hula hoop better tbh).

i’m really, really intrigued why there was a shot to that clock with “the carol 2.0” underneath at the start & the end 👀👀 i have to go rewatch that to see how these are connected now!! (totally not bc i like christmas music lol). i’m honestly so lost on loona lore lately but this mv has sparked my interest again.

i have yet to listen to the whole album!! so i’m gonna check that out & have impressions on that, maybe i will like the b-sides better 🤩

#loona #another edition of me being a hag orbit & missing butterfly era lol #but it was cute!!!! #i just wish it were closer to hula hoop ngl :/ #that song had such a strong grip on me last year lol #i was watching the mv any chabce i got

[drew519]

I return here years later, to a place we both enjoyed. Still in love with her as much as I ever was. 14-15 months later… in love with the woman I thought she was. Still seeing her beautiful face as clearly as if she was standing in front of me…. I became a shell of myself trying to fix our relationship. Not realizing that the changes had come years prior. I can’t help but wish that I could go back in time to save us… to save her. I purposefully sacrificed my sanity over and over again, “knowing” she was she was worth it. I was foolish… but such is love. 14-15 months later, and the old me, the man that didn’t break for love, is returning. I’ve dug myself out of debt, helped my mother, and am back on my own. It was the first night in my new home with the dog we shared that tears rolled down my face. Another rare moment alone to mourn what was… I can’t allow myself to fall into despair trying to fix the past…. Forward! I’ve been successful and I will continue to build the life I desperately wanted with her… unfortunately it won’t be with her. I pray for her, but I know some of my last words haunt her. I pray for the son that wasn’t genetically mine. I know the troubles he faces and I’m sad I’m not there to guide him. I’ve seen what a lack of masculine guidance has done to him and I know and fear what this world has in store for him…. I was honored to be his father… but I was only his father when it was convenient for her. And then she got pregnant… OUR CHILD! Finally! … and then he/she was gone. There has never been a more blissfully moment in my life as it was when she was pregnant. And just like that, our happiness was gone. Was it natural, was it the lack of attention to her own health? I could care less, our baby was gone. 14-15 months later, I sit in my new apartment, and focus on my goals, pushing and pushing, because when I left, I bet on myself, and I knew I wouldn’t lose. I knew she wouldn’t understand. I knew she would vilify me… I knew the pain would be unbearable, and despite weak moments, I persevered! I have felt love since I was last with her, but will it ever feel like that again?… a question for a man that has the luxury to dwell. The warrior’s blade may have dulled in a time of peace and love, but the warrior remains. And now his blade is sharpened daily. Gone are the days of blissful love and ignorance. It is a warrior’s curse to battle, and it is my burden to succeed. I face this up hill battle, finally back on level ground, encouraged by my resilience. It wasn’t the first time I had been buried, but it will be the last. My goal is in sight…. Every step I take, I wish your hand was holding mine, and I wish that at the peak, it was you at my side…. I don’t how much longer I will mourn, but I know the mountain peak is within reach. I told her on multiple occasions that if she were ever taken from me, I would rip the heavens open and challenge HIM for her soul… what hubris… well now it is HIM that watches as I walk this path alone. For it is my path… I will become what I promised her I would be, I will become what I promised myself! I will be the man our unborn child would be proud of…and when my time comes, I look forward to seeing our child and I hope above anyone else, that I made them proud, that I would’ve been a good father. And that despite me leaving their mother, that I continued to love her with all my soul, even when I didn’t want to. To my child, you were the best of us… you were the manifestation of our love, and like our love, you were too pure for this world. I will make you proud! Please watch over us both. Watch over your brother, because he needs you most of all. And even though I’ve always known, seen, and trusted karma to take care of those who did me wrong, I truly love your mother, so please take care of her. Watch over us… I will love you forever! 2.16.21

[prairiegirlism]

I wish the world were ending tomorrow I wish you’d arrive at my doorstep in vienna and we could love each other without fear or scruples or restraint, but we have to reckon with time and you’re somewhere far, and i fell in love with someone new, and i hope i won’t love you forever the way i do now, when we’re in our fourties’ and you live in Paris and still paint, and still have dreads and tattoos and still make dark remarks that would make laugh. but you’re already different than you were, i know I am. i can’t be 21 again and whenever I think of that it makes me too sad to keep dwelling on the topic. i can’t believe I still cry over you. and my youth and you and summer nights in the park and making out til we got kicked out.

[wardenred]

Angstober 2: Anxiety

A direct sequel for that first one, with a different POV.

“But it should be Norra, then, not I,” was the first thing Alita said when she heard her uncle’s proposal. It only made sense, didn’t it? Norra was three years older and already yearning for marriage, except she frowned at all the courtship opportunities their cluster of little villages offered. The odds here may be good, but the goods are odd, she kept saying, and even though she sometimes allowed one of the few upstanding young men to accompany her to a holiday market, she always returned from such outings with a frown. She dreamt of a different life, one of balls and splendor, the kind they had in the faraway, nebulous before.

Alita, meanwhile, was too young to remember most of it, and whatever hazy memories surfaced sometimes—usually when she was sick or in pain—she could never apply them to the person she was. She had no desire for balls, royal hunts, or leisurely salon mornings. A homebody by nature, she got overwhelmed even by the country fair after the first hour. Romance held no appeal to her, either. Whether it was because she was a late bloomer at seventeen or because it was merely not for her remained to be seen.

At any rate, she neither needed nor wanted the capital. The thought of her uncle going there was unsettling enough. Who would she play chess with? Who would teach her magic? Who would coax her out of the house for long walks down the river bank, pointing out birds and squirrels to each other? Still, she knew she couldn’t reasonably beg him to stay, not when the King himself had traveled all the way here to fetch him. But at least everything else would remain familiar once he left.

If she came with him, there would be no more comfort.

She opened her mouth to start explaining, but the look on her uncle’s face stopped her: urgent and high-strung, much like the turmoil bubbling behind her sternum.

“No,” he said gently. “I cannot take Norra. She would enjoy the capital a little too much, I should think; get ensnared by its joys and glitter. Under other circumstances, I wouldn’t wish anything less for her. But this is no pleasure trip, Alita. I won’t force you to come if you don’t want to, but I have to say this: I need you by my side. Because—” He leaned in, and Alita was struck by how pale his skin was. “I don’t trust the King.”

Alita’s eyes widened. Her stomach churned, and she hugged herself tight—for comfort as much as to conceal the trembling in her fingers. How could he say such a thing? The King was—he was everything to the country. He was the one who kept the Corruption at bay, who appeased the gods on the behalf of all people, who controlled the ebb and flow of magic under the great moons. No reason could feasibly exist to mistrust him.

Otherwise, they were all doomed.

Besides, a treacherous voice whispered at the back of her mind, in the unlikely event there’s any truth to this brash claim, wouldn’t it be kinder of Uncle Rythan to let me stay home?

Her uncle reached out to put a hand on her elbow. His fingers weren’t still, either. “I know I’m asking a lot of you, Alita. You don’t even have to decide right now. Dwell on it until morning, if you have to. I would of course prefer that you got some sleep instead, but...” His mouth quirked in a tiny lopsided smile, a sad smudge of mirth. “We are too alike, you and I, for me to seriously suggest it.”

Alita drew a long breath and counted to five before releasing it. “What would be required of me?” She could barely hear her own voice over the pounding in her ears.

“Be there. Listen. Watch. Share your thoughts with me, but only when we’re certain no one’s eavesdropping.” Uncle Rythan hesitated before adding, “And should I say so, ride home and help Norra assume permanent command of the estate as the new lady.”

Alita wished she could say she didn’t understand the implications. A thousand awful scenarios swirled in her head, each more catastrophic than the last. She tried to throttle them for now. Sleep indeed would be elusive tonight, anyway. She would get to untangle those terrors at night, with her diary, and that pretty green ink that smelled like peppermint, and probably calming tea.

But out of all the horrible futures she could envision, the one where her uncle ventured off alone looked the worst by far.

“I’ll go,” she said. A shiver ran up her spine, like an echo from his sigh of relief.

#warden's random scribbles #writeblr #original fiction #snippet #angstober2023 #day 02 #writers on tumblr #my writing #fantasy #family #anxiety

[2maxinemayfield]

about my second job, and on to the third ^-^

January 2022

I (apparently) haven’t accepted the fact that I was in this place all by myself.

I still go to bed crying at night, males-malesan bangun pagi but I have to force myself out of the bed so that I can catch the company bus at 7 am (otherwise, I have to go to the site by myself and it’s a 30-45 minutes journey), jalan-jalan random sendirian sambil meratapi nasib, etc.

I did go to a boarding school once, but this loneliness and low motivation kind of situation has never been the case. I used to have friends around. like a bunch of them. their presence alone has motivated me to study and do stuff, but now I’m completely on my own. 

I do make friends here - you know, with others in the same program but different departments, and those with the same age. tapi kayak, temen gue yang bener-bener temen gue, ya gak ada di sini. it kind of make me sad and i feel like i have nowhere to go.

I managed to have a good friendship with someone tho - it was her who actually initiated it. she would invite me to hang out with her friends (which I really hate but didn’t have any other choices) or more often, we would go to Pekanbaru (like only the two of us) on weekends, or do a sleepover. thanks to her, I have at least someone to talk (comfortably) to - and I realized I couldn’t dwell on the loneliness for too long. it’s time to go out, make friends and continue with life.

June 2022

I enjoyed the rest of my internship period like it wasn’t going to end.

this June, my 6-months contract would finally came to an end, but I was offered another 6-months third-party contract for a project in Balikpapan (I would still be in the same department, just under different team in different location).

just when I started to enjoy my life here in Duri.

so I packed all of my stuffs, headed back home first for a couple of days vacation, then started my new life in Balikpapan.

August 2022

I honestly enjoyed living in Balikpapan. 

it was my first time ever in the city yet it didn’t feel strange at all. (or maybe it’s me who has learned to just deal with... everything)

I have a friend who has been living there for about a year and she seemed fine so I know I won’t be screwed at least.

the office here was also nice - it has a cafe with a real barista and I made friend with him since day one, diligently serving me free matcha or milo (since I don’t drink coffee) everyday. I used to go to the cafe two times in a day - morning and in the afternoon. I got to talk to a lot of people there as well, or get caught by my boss hanging out there when I should be working.

anyways,

life has been so well, but I started to realize I couldn’t hold on to the job for too long.

because I definitely hate it.

so I was back to job hunting activities and found myself in a couple of job interviews in between work and stuff - it got me full of anticipation but also kind of worried that I would mess up.

long story short,

I ended up securing a position in a consulting company headquartered in Zurich and I set to start in mid September, working in their Jakarta office.

I told my boss that I’m resigning - thankfully he supported my decision and let me go sooner so I can prepare to move to Jakarta.

it’s super sad to leave Balikpapan, and as excited as I am for the new job, I always despise living in Jakarta :( but I know I have to go.

so I (again) packed my stuff and leave.

September 2022

I found myself sitting alone in my desk, setting up my new laptop and greeting some colleagues while sipping my tea anxiously.

wondering “is it finally the right place for me?”

[niisandungeon]

I'm taking part in the Dungeon23 challenge, with the theme for now being spelunking! It’s been super fun, although it’s hard to come up with so many rooms... Notes on the first floor of Celestial's Shelter below:

CELESTIAL’S SHELTER FLOOR 1

Near the remote hamlet of Loghaven exists a cave, known to locals as the Celestial’s Shelter. Most would steer clear of the caverns, but adventurers with a liking for tight places and hungry to uncover the fabled celestial sometimes explore the cave, some of them never to be seen again, for the caves go deep, and earth is unrelenting once it has its grip on you…

1. Entryway, nothing of note except a collapsed entrance to a cave to the east. Perhaps someone could squeeze through? 2. A room with a rockslide. There’s a years dead spelunker called “Ted” there, as well as their diary noting that they lost their best caving hat escaping “something or someone, deep in the caves”.

Entry 40

New town, new adventure! Loghaven smells of cow piss and has only one tavern, but it’s cozy enough. Lots of log houses, even more flies. Acorn says it’s a lot like his hometown, except taller. An old tiefling, Bebbe, they told us over drinks of a cave southeast of Loghaven, of caverns called Celestial’s Shelter. Apparently one of those got injured and went and died there hundreds of years ago, if local legend is to be believed. No one knows how or why, but, well, Ted and Acorn will go and get some answers, maybe find a celestial’s corpse to sell, and who knows, maybe we’ll see some sights dwarves only dream about!

Entry 41

After a day or so of trekking we found the entrance to the cave. Bebbe remembered the way well, even if he’d last been here as a child. Seems like there’s two other entryways closeby, as well as a drop from above if you’re willing to climb very high up, but we don’t know where that would lead, if it leads anywhere at all. All in all, it seems promising. It’s true what Acorn said as we were getting here though, it looks like not a lot of people come here. Suits us. I prefer Acorn’s company anyway.

Entry 42

All in all, excluding the bear scare, it’s been one of those safer trips. Not a bat, goblin or other cave dwelling creature in sight! Acorn tells me he’s heard someone breathing while I was asleep, but it’s just the wind howling through the cave. I just gotta find a way to distract him, that’s all, so that he won’t be so spooked anymore. It’s silly of me, but I want Acorn to feel safe as much as I want to discover that damn angel’s corpse. He’s been with me the longest out of all my old partners. Dare I say he even likes me? As friends, of course. Nothing more.

Entry 43

Nothing of note happened after we settled in deeper into the caverns. The room is just very, very wet. Acorn’s vigilant, just very jumpy. He saw some oozes, so we’re gonna avoid the rooms to our left, block them a bit with rocks or at least set them up so that we’ll be alerted if the slimy boogers get too close. Just when I said not a creature in sight. It’s never that easy, is it?

Entry 45

Damn it all! Fourth day, and I fell down and twisted my ankle on those slippery stairs. There goes our last healing salve! Acorn will do some solo exploring while I heal, but I can do some excavating on the western walls. There’s a small hole there I know I can make it large enough for both me and Acorn to pass. It’s strange. Even I've heard something from there. It sounds like weeping. Could it be our angel?

Entry 46

I got spooked by rockfall and lost my hat. That was my lucky caving hat! Gotta be more careful from now on. Acorn’s gonna be sad if all he finds is my crushed innards popping out from underneath a rock.

Entry 47

I have to admit it: Acorn is lost. It’s been a full day. I’m trying not to panic. He’s smaller than me, so he can fit into much smaller spaces, and well, we’re not some wizards so we don’t always know where we are, in caves like these. Still, I’m gonna wait for him for two more hours, and then go back into the caves to look for him. He’s one tough gnome. He has to be alive.

Last Entry, written in blood

Something follows

deep

I was fast, but the walls

it’s watching me die

unlucky

3. A bear cave’s entrance! 4. Where the bear sleeps! 5. Second, slightly more accessible entrance to 2., with pansies growing on the rocks. 6. A room greatly affected by the rockslide. There’s a chest with some items caught under the rocks… 7. Where Ted lost his hat. A room full of tight crawls, which seem to breathe with you if you enter… 8. A large cavernous room with a high ceiling. There are signs of a campfire here, although it hasn’t been used in a while… If you sleep here, it feels like someone is watching you. 9. An earthy smelling room. 10. A secret room with giant, edible mushrooms! They are delicious! 11. Narrow passages, leading to deeper parts of the caverns… Sometimes it sounds like someone is weeping far away, deeper in the tunnels. 12. Small room, with dried bloody footprints on the floor… 13. A larger passageway, with water flowing into it from somewhere. 14.-17. Part of a larger collection of rooms, all filled with awful smelling stale water, algae and oozes. 18. Where the bear hides its poop. It has crystallized into a sort of dark rock. Wonder what use that could have? 19. A small climb reveals another way, somewhere? 20. A small room that seemingly holds nothing, but a small hole will be revealed to those with a keen eye. / Respite from what seems like an endless crawl! 21. Climb down, and another small hole is revealed? Where will it lead? / Finally, somewhere where you can stand up! Maybe now you can feel safe… 22. The Red Tunnel, the tunnel that goes on forever. Red gravel digs into your skin as you crawl through this passage, and sometimes you swear it seems like something is tugging at the heels of the one who is crawling last. 23.-25. More ooze infested caverns. The creatures seem to avoid these areas though, by instinct… 26. A spiral that leads nowhere. It feels like the cave is mocking you when you reach the end and have to back out to where you came from. 27. Last of the ooze caves. This seems like a place they haven’t really been to, and it’s relatively safe. The algae here is different and could be harvested for use elsewhere. 28. Natural light streams into this cave. It’s another way in, but not really out, not with how you’re supposed to just drop down and hope for the best. 29. A narrow passage that seems to lead nowhere. However, if you’re perceptive you might feel air escaping somewhere, and either find a way out of a very long crawl or start one. 30. What seem like giant steps, smooth from thousands of years of minimal water flow lead down, deeper still… 31. If you’re perceptive in the Red Tunnel, you might notice rocks that seem like they are placed to hide a tunnel. The climb leads down, into a passage that seems like it will never let go, but once you manage to pass though, a large cavern awaits you, although you might wish to return whence you came from. Unnatural darkness seeps from a crack in the ground, and it sucks in all light you have, revealing none of its secrets. It seems to lead down, somewhere, but only if you’re willing to jump…

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