#there's a third quote that goes with it but i'm not sure if i'm remembering properly and yeah i'm gonna stop right there

[vetteldixon]

i'm never not gonna get emo over scott dixon saying that his favorite part of the indy 500 is bringing new people there and watching THEM react in wonder to the awesome scale of it, and that his favorite part of being a dad is sharing all the beautiful things in the world with his kids...

#scott dixon #indycar #when your emotions are so big you find them easier to handle when you see other people experiencing them too. yup yeah. #and/or if you have a hard time validating your own emotions and knowing if your reaction is appropriate so social cues are a comfort. me to #there's a third quote that goes with it but i'm not sure if i'm remembering properly and yeah i'm gonna stop right there

[vivwritesfics]

Fake It Till You Make It - CL16

The Princess of Monaco is wild and out of control. She needs to stop being in the tabloids for all the wrong reasons. Charles Leclerc has had a spot of bad press since his very public break up. He needs some good PR. What better way to fix their problems than to pair them up?

Fake Dating turned real dating trope

6.3K

For the purpose of this story, I have fabricated the royal family of Monaco. I have created the members of the family, their roles and what they do, using only the fact that Monaco has a royal family

ROYAL MESS

In the early hours of the Morning on Friday, the 19th of May, Princess Y/N of Monaco was found lying in the street outside of MK Club Monaco after what appears to be a wild night out. Fans of the princess know this is no new occurrence for her.

When asked, employees in the club were quoted as saying: “It is always a delight to serve the princess. She is always polite and kind when ordering from the bar, always offering to pay for the drinks of those around her."

"Princess Y/N is fun to party with, sure. But she takes it too far, gets too drunk, and leaves us all wondering how far is too far?" Said one club patron to our reporters.

It leaves us all wondering how far is too far for the Princess of Monaco? When will her family finally take action against her partying ways?

Pictures such as these are not uncommon for the Princess of Monaco, showing us just how far royal privilege goes. It is at times like these where we thank any higher power above us that she is just the spare

Y/N's brother threw the newspaper down in front of her. His jaw was tense and his eye twitched, having just read out the entire article. "Seriously?" He said and leaned forward on his desk, staring down at his sister.

"I don't know what you're so upset about," Y/N muttered as she picked at the dirt beneath her nails. "You're not in the article."

Her brother, Herni, Prince of Monaco, let out a huff. He wanted to grip his hair and pull out of frustration, but he couldn't do that, he had to be pristine and perfect.

For years he and his family had been working to try and improve Y/N's image. It was no easy task. Well, Y/N certainly didn't make it easy. The royal family had tried to control the press, control what the night clubs were saying; they had tried to control Y/N, but none of it was working.

Henri was at his wits end.

He stood straight and turned around, looking towards the window. "How do you not understand that your actions reflect our entire family? That this shit makes all of us look bad, not just you?"

"Like the article said, I'm just the spare," she spat back, not looking up from her nails.

"Oh, don't give me that shit." Henri tried to keep his composure calm, tried not to lose his shit, but Y/N was making it very, very hard. "You're just a spoiled, little brat," he hissed.

Y/N let out a dry laugh. "I'm the selfish one? Seriously, Henri?" She called and he shot her a dirty, venomous look. So, she continued. "Who was it that threw a tantrum like a child when he didn't get the Ferrari 250 GTO for twenty-third birthday?"

Her brother glared, easily hiding his surprise that she remembered the name of the car he had so desperately wanted seven years ago.

But then Henri dropped his glare. She was just lashing out because she was pissed off about the article, he realised as he sat in his seat. "Go on, get out of here," he said to her, his head falling into his hands. He grabbed the newspaper article and slipped it back into his desk drawer.

Y/N didn't have a job. She was twenty-two, living fast and living off her family. Her family had tried to force her to get a job, but that had only pushed her into being more wild and out of control. Henri, though, he had a job. Their father had given him the important task of keeping an eye on Y/N and putting out her fires. It was an exhausting job, one that had him losing sleep.

He had to do something, he had no idea what.

There was one thing Henri could force his sister to do. And that was attend the Monaco Grand Prix.

Every year Henri and Y/N went to the Monaco Grand Prix. Y/N could still remember the first time she ever attended the Monaco Grand Prix. She was just ten years old, an eighteen year old Henri holding her hand as they walked through the paddock. She remembered standing up on the podium, watching as her brother gave a trophy to Jenson Button, and going to give Fernando Alonso a trophy of his own.

This happened every year. And, every year since she was a little girl, Y/N looked forward to seeing Fernando Alonso. The Spaniard always seemed to remember her, always greeting her with a kind, wide smile. Although Y/N loved the races, this was her favourite part of the weekend.

Because she really did love the races. As much as she tried to act nonchalant, Henri knew she loved it, loved the sounds of the cars as they came driving past.

This year, Henri kept Y/N in front of him as they walked through the paddock, waving at the drivers and the teams. The Grand Prix was full of celebrities, as it was every year. And, as with every year, Y/N and Henri were the talk of the town.

In the Red Bull garage, Y/N and Henri met Tom Holland, the Spider-Man, who was awestruck. He couldn't quite believe it as the youngest member of the Monaco Royal Family stood in front of him, talking to him about his role as Peter Parker.

At the Aston Martin garage, Y/N ran straight into Fernando's arms. "There she is," he said as she hugged him back. The bond Y/N had with Fernando was special. They'd saw each other only once a year at the Monaco Grand Prix and, in a weird way, it was like he had watched her grow up right in front of his eyes.

He knew of her partying ways and it worried him, just like it would a father to his daughter. "How have you been?" He asked, his Spanish accent thick.

As Henri moved onto the Ferrari garage, his favourite garage, as Y/N chatted to Fernando. Her favourite garage was wherever Fernando was, and she wasn't afraid to admit that. They caught up on the last year and Fernando introduced her to his teammate, a man Y/N had only met briefly before.

In the Ferrari garage, Henri said hello to Carlos Sainz. Carlos and Henri had always been friendly, that friendliness growing into some kind of friendship when he moved to Ferrari.

But then then was Charles Leclerc.

Herni loved Charles. He had several of his old F1 cars, including one of his Sauber cars, in his private collection. He'd been following Charles's career closely as he represented their country. The day he had his first win in Monaco was going to be a big day for Henri.

"Ah, Charles!" Henri called as he spotted him, already in his race overalls.

The overalls themselves were red and white, matching the flag of Monaco. Charles grinned when he saw Henri, striding over to the prince. "How are you? How is your sister?" He asked as they walked together through the Ferrari garage.

Henri pulled a face. "She is... she is Y/N," he answered with a curt nod. "Anyway, how about you? How is your season going?" He asked.

Charles gave a pained smile, and that was answer enough for Henri. "Ah," he said as they continued to walk. "Well, today will be your day."

The pair continued to chat as they walked through the paddock, catching up like old friends. Because, by this point, they were old friends. Herni asked about Charles's family and his plans for the summer break, and about his girlfriend.

Again, Charles gave Henri a look. "Ah, no girlfriend," Henri said and Charles nodded.

"I got a bit of bad publicity from it," Charles said. "I'm surprised you didn't hear about it."

Suddenly, Henri got an idea. An incredible, wonderful, terrible idea. He looked at his friend, wearing a grin, and said, "I think we can help each other out."

It was clear Charles was confused. So, Henri continued. "My sister wild and out of control," he said. "She needs somebody to get her imagine under control, and you need some good publicity. Take my sister on a couple of dates, take her to some grand prix and it'll make the both of you look good."

Charles suddenly frowned. "What? Henri, we can't do that," he said.

Henri checked his watch. The race was bound to start any moment now, he needed to grab Y/N and go sit. "Think about it," he said to Charles, wished him good luck, and went back to the Aston Martin garage to find his sister.

Henri didn't say anything to his sister as they watched the race. They watched Charles go from pole to second, Henri trying not to let the disappointment show on his face as he watched Y/N give Charles his second place trophy.

There was a good few weeks where Henri didn't hear anything from Charles. So, he didn't say anything to Y/N, whilst also trying to get her under control.

It wasn't working; Henri was close to begging. He kept an eye out for Charles's name in the press, looking for that bad bit of publicity he was talking about. And there was a lot of it, international news outlets accusing Charles of cheating, saying his bad start to the season was because of Karma.

It wasn't looking good for him, thought Henri as his phone vibrated.

He picked it up and read through his messages.

Charles Leclerc

I'm in

***

It was rare for Y/N and Henri to eat dinner together. He was always busy and she didn't give a shit. But, today, Henri insisted.

They sat across from each other, a ridiculously long table between them. Any attempt at conversation was near to impossible with the distance between them.

So, with no thought of decorum, Y/N picked up her dinner and moved down the table coming to sit right beside her brother. "What were you saying?" She asked as she tucked into her dinner.

Henri cleared his throat. "I've been speaking with Charles Leclerc."

"Okay?" Y/N looked up at him, her brows furrowed. "Good for you, Hen."

"Just listen, please," he insisted and Y/N fell quiet, returning her attention back to her food. "Its been decided by your PR team, dad, and I, that it would be best if you were seen to be with someone more... presentable. And our friend Charles if also in need of a bit of good press at the minute."

"So you want me to fake date Charles Leclerc?"

Henri nodded his head. "Not fake date him, exactly. Just be seen with him."

Y/N sat back, tapping her fork against her plate. "Okay, why should I?"

Grinning, Henri used his fork to scoop everything into a pile on his plate. "Because, if you keep up with your partying lifestyle, we're cutting you off."

She said nothing. Throwing her fork down, she pushed her chair back and stormed off.

That was the thing with Y/N. She didn’t care for propriety or her image. She did what she wanted, without much thought of how it made the royal family of Monaco. She was the weekly scandal in the newspaper, the wild child.

Henri’s head fell into his hands.

For the next week, while Charles was away from Monaco at another race, Henri set everything up. He booked out a restaurant for them, picked out something for his sister to wear and prepared her for her date with a script. Henri was controlling everything. He had every move planned out and had Y/N run through it with him several times.

He was a complete control freak.

For the date, Henri gave his sister a set of rules. Charles was his friend, after all, and this was a PR stunt. Anything he could do to prevent Y/N from embarrassing the royal family any further.

That was how she found herself in an empty restaurant, an almost empty glass of wine in front of her. Charles Leclerc hadn’t arrived at the restaurant yet; fashionably late, Y/N assumed. She was five minutes away from leaving.

But then he walked in. It was not possible for this man to look bad, Y/N realised as he strode towards her. His outfit was simple, a white shirt, buttoned almost to the top (just revealing a bit of chest) and a pair of black trousers. His hair had that usual fluff, that he seemed to achieve effortlessly.

Y/N had seen pictures of him online since his career began. He always looked good, so it was no surprise he did now.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he said as he sat in the seat opposite her.

As if to prove a point, the princess finished her drink and placed her glass down. There was a flash to her left, a camera going off. But she didn't care - Henri could put out the fire he created.

Henri had given her a script, but Y/N wasn't going to follow it. That was boring. "Your brother is in F2, right?" Asked Y/N as food was brought over to them (Henri had decided what they were going to eat when he booked out the restaurant, arranging the food to be brought over as soon as Charles arrived).

Charles looked at her, clearly confused. "Um, yes," he answered. "He's with the Ferrari Drivers Academy," he said and took a sip of his own drink. "What is it that you do?"

She snorted. She hasn't meant to snort, but she couldn't help it. "I'm a princess, what do you think I do?"

But it wasn't clear. To Charles, it seemed like all she did was party. According to her brother, all she did was party. So Charles couldn't be blamed to think that.

He didn't answer her. This dinner wasn't going too well. That much was clear to everyone.

Letting out a sigh, Y/N sat back in her seat. "We need to make this look good," she said, glancing to her left. At the paparazzi not quite hidden in a bush outside of the restaurant. "You know what the news articles will be, right? 'Monaco Royalty... something something else."

Charles thought for a moment. The restaurant wasn't the right setting, this was clear.

So, he finished his drink and looked across the table, at the princess sat opposite him. "Do you want to get out of here?"

Fuck yeah Y/N wanted to get out of here. She grabbed her coat and, together, she and Charles walked out of the restaurant. A crowd of paparazzi followed them as they made their way to Charles's Ferrari SF90 Stradale.

It was a beautiful car, one Henri had wanted for the longest time. He he was going to flip his lid once he learnt that Y/N had been inside of it.

The paparazzi continued taking pictures of them as they drove off. "Where are we going?" She asked as he drove her through the streets of Monaco.

Y/N and Charles found themselves in a bar, three drinks deep. They talked casually, more like acquaintances than anything else.

Nothing happened in the bar, they just got to know each other a little better, without the awkward conversation of a formal dinner. Y/N found out about his love for music and he learnt that she was more than a just a party girl.

The next morning Y/N woke up in one of the many guest rooms with a pounding headache. She didn't remember getting back to the palace and was still in her dress from the night before. "Shit," she groaned, the light shining through her windows hurting her eyes.

She sat up and ran her hands through her knotted hair. Painkillers. She needed painkillers and she needed them now.

With no clothes to change into, she searched through the drawers for the much needed painkillers. And when she didn't find any, she made her way to her brothers office. "Henri," she sang as she pushed her way inside. And then she was leaning against the door, holding his head.

"I did it, I went on a date with Charles Leclerc."

"Well done," Henri said as he sat back in his chair. "He's taking you to Canada next week, so pack warm," he said and went back to his work.

Y/N glared at her brother and stormed off, making her way back to bed.

***

Canada. The only reason Y/N agreed to go was to see Fernando Alonso. She was there as Charles Leclerc's guest, but she didn't care. She ran straight to the Aston Martin garage, ran straight over to Fernando.

The Spaniard was surprised to see her, that much was clear. "What're you doing here?" He asked as she threw her arms around him.

Y/N swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'm here as Charles's guest," she answered.

Fernando's eyes went wide. "Really?" He asked, his brows furrowing.

"I know," she answered.

It really was a surprise. Fernando had never even seen the princess of Monaco so much as interact with the Monégasque driver. He knew Prince Henri was a fan, but he didn't know Y/N was. So, he asked about it.

She didn't want to lie to Fernando. But she had to seel it. For the sake of the tabloids, she had to sell it. "Well, we met at the Grand Prix, hit it off, and the next thing I knew, we were going to dinner together."

"Dinner together? Wow," said Fernando. "So, do you want me to go easy on him out there?"

Grinning, she shook her head. "You do what you need to do to bring home a win for us Aston Martin fans," she said.

They said their goodbyes and Y/N made her way to the Ferrari garage.

It wasn't as if she and Charles knew each other; they'd drunkenly discussed things, but that was it. But now, she was playing the girlfriend, tucked into his side as he kept his arm wrapped around her. Before the race he held her close and she tried her best not to look uncomfortable. Play the part. All she had to do was play the part.

During the race she stayed in the Ferrari garage, watching alongside Charles's brother. Y/N had met Arthur before, she just couldn't remember where.

"So you're dating my brother?" Asked Arthur as they watched the race.

Y/N kept her eyes fixed on the screen and nodded her head.

"How did that happen?"

She just pretended not to hear him.

This went on and on, the pair going on the odd date in random countries and Y/N joining him at races. But they were putting on a performance around each other, trying to play that part. They weren't being themselves and, therefore, not getting to know each other.

She'd joined Charles in Silverstone. They'd held hands as they walked through the paddock, smiling and waving at cheering fans. Their relationship was public knowledge now and, first the first time in the last four years, she wasn't in the tabloids for a bad reason.

Henri had arranged a date in Monaco for the pair once they got back from the British Grand Prix. They flew back with Pierre Gasly, an old friend of Charles. Y/N had only met Pierre earlier that year, in Monaco when her brother had introduced them.

Pierre was good fun for the flight home. But, by the time they got there, Y/N was exhausted. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and shut her eyes. Looking at Charles, their was no doubt that he was just as tired as she was; he was the athlete after all.

As he drove, he blinked continuously and rapidly, his tiredness evident. Her apartment was just around the corner, she realised as they were stuck in traffic. It wouldn't be the worst thing if they blew off the dinner, right?

"I live near here," she said, looking at him.

Charles blinked as he looked at the stationary cars in front of him. "Am I not taking you to dinner?" He asked, somewhat surprised.

"Well, I was thinking we could go back to my apartment and eat some pizza," she said.

"But what do we have to gain from that?"

That was right, everything they were doing had an objective. Everything they were doing had a purpose. Having dinner in her apartment, where there were no cameras to watch them, had no purpose.

"We wouldn't die on the road from you being so tired if we went back to mine."

Charles realised she had a point. When the traffic began moving, he took her directions and drover to her apartment. They made their way inside, practically collapsing on the couch.

"Sorry for the state of it," Y/N muttered as Charles sat on the sofa beside her.

Her apartment really was a mess. Clothes, dirty dishes, pizza boxes everywhere. It wasn't very royal of her. "Don't worry about it," he said quietly as Y/N gathered up the dishes and placed them on the counter in the adjacent kitchen.

Charles didn't want to ask, but he was wondering how the apartment of the Princess of Monaco was so disgusting. He hadn't even realised she had an apartment of her own, assumed she just lived at the palace.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Asked Y/N as soon as she had ordered the cheese and pepperoni pizzas. It was a safe choice, considering she didn't know what Charles wanted. "I've got beers, wine, spirits, anything you want."

She didn't hide her surprise when Charles requested a beer. "I thought you were all... fancy and stuff," she said as she handed him the opened bottle.

"The princess of Monaco is passing me a beer and she thinks I'm fancy," he said with a laugh.

But he was undeniably tired. His laugh turned into a yawn and Y/N turned on the television. They watched in silence as they waited for the pizza to arrive.

"I didn't think you'd be allowed to eat pizza," said Y/N as she checked her phone, checked where abouts the delivery driver was. Just a few minutes away. "You know, considering you're an athlete."

"I won't tell my trainer if you won't," he answered.

Just a few minutes later and Y/N was running to get the pizza. She didn't have to worry about disguising herself, running down to the lobby of the apartment in her comfiest pyjamas. She wasn't like her brother, where he was always prim and proper; she hid in plain sight.

When she came back up with the pizzas, Charles was already snoring lightly on the sofa. Y/N would have left him to sleep, left him on the sofa, but he hadn't eaten since his race. As soon as he'd eaten something, she'd let him go to sleep.

So, she gently woke him, placing one of the pizza boxes in front of him.

Again, they were in silence as they ate. But the food was giving them some sort of strength and energy and, by the time they were finished, neither were quite ready to go to sleep.

So, they talked. They talked and talked, properly getting to know each other. Charles told her stories of his karting days, of his friendship with those on the grid. Y/N told him about her childhood as a princess and her friendship with Fernando Alonso. She didn't get into the subject of her partying habit, not when she realised she didn't miss it.

"No way," Y/N scoffed, sipping her beer.

Charles laughed as he nodded his head. "Seriously. I woke up shouting 'box box'!" He insisted.

She let out a laugh of her own. "Looks like I'll need to have words with the strategists."

Their evening continued much in this fashion. She hadn't realised he was an artist, not until he showed her some music that he hadn't yet released. He was a talented pianist, and Y/N couldn't stop herself from calling him a tortured artist.

There was no way she was going to let him sleep on the sofa. That would be like letting the Queen of England sleep in the dog house. So, she let Charles sleep in her bed, a wall of pillows keeping them separated.

***

There was a shift in their relationship dynamic after that. Things came easier to them. They were still faking it, but they weren't putting on a performance anymore. It was natural.

When they weren't together, she found herself texting him. Any time she had something to say, she texted him, without caring whether he had time to text her back yet. When Y/N wasn't at a grand prix, Charles was pictured laughing at his phone, and everybody knew who he was texting

CL16

what do you want your contact picture to be?

Please don't make it something embarrassing

Oh come on, Charles

I doubt there are any embarrassing pictures of you

okay i take it back

oh god

look at this little guy

you were so cute

what happened?

Hey!

I'm still cute!

The ladies love me

sure they do, sunshine

She found herself sending him anything and everything that made her laugh. Whether they knew of this shift, it wasn't clear.

But Henri certainly did.

The next part of this story takes place during the Belgian Grand Prix. Y/N hadn't attended. She'd been to the last few and, for once, her brother wanted to spend time with her.

"I'm impressed," Henri said as they sat on the balcony, tea in front of them. "You're selling this whole relationship really well."

But his sister wasn't listening. Instead, she was giggling down at her phone as she texted. "Y/N," Henri prompted and she looked up from the phone. "Can you put it down? I'm trying to have a conversation with you."

Reluctantly, Y/N put her phone on the table. "What were you saying, Hen?" She asked and picked up her little tea cup. The rim was decorated with pink, yellow and purple flowers.

"I was saying that you've really made this relationship with Charles look real. If I didn't know better, I really would think you were dating," said Henri. He straightened his posture and sipped his tea. "What is he doing during summer break?"

She shrugged her shoulders. Summer break was something they'd only briefly talked about, while Y/N was in his apartment, trying out his sim rig (spoiler alert, she was fucking terrible at sim racing. But it was still good fun, pretending to be her pretend boyfriend). He'd invited her on his yacht by literally saying, "join me on my yacht during summer?"

It was an invitation Y/N couldn't turn down, so she just said, "sure."

Henri continued. "Why don't you invite him to the palace for dinner?"

That was too much of a step into real relationship territory. Immediately she shook her head. "You do know that he isn't actually my boyfriend, right?" She pressed, placing her teacup back down onto the saucer.

Henri waved her off. "I know, I know," he said. "It would just be nice, you know?"

Suddenly Y/N felt a little sick. This was skidding way too far into relationship territory. Fake boyfriends didn't have dinner with her family, fake boyfriends didn't take him to her apartment just because he could.

The next time she saw Charles, Y/N was on his yacht. She laid in the sun, arm across her stomach and her eyes shut. It was lovely, so fucking lovely.

Charles sat beside her, passing her a drink. "Thank you, Charlie," she said with a smile as she sat up. "Best fake boyfriend ever." He patted her knee and stayed at beside her as the yacht gently moved on the water.

They spoke and, as they spoke, Y/N realised they never spoke about how fake their relationship was. In fact, Charles wasn't acting as though their relationship was fake. Even as they walked to his apartment, through the building and away from prying eyes, he still held her hand.

When she sat on his yacht, talking to him about whatever, he kept his hand on her knee.

As they day got later, the two began drinking. "To us," He called and tapped his glass against Y/N.

"To us," Y/N repeated and drank her drink. They slept on the yacht that night, with Y/N changing from her swim wear into something a little warmer as the sun disappeared.

They ate together, drank together, and just spent time together. It was nice, giggling and leaning on each other. Charles just loved spending time with her, it seemed. He gave her his hoodie when she shivered and, when that wasn't enough, he tucked her into his side.

They were both getting tired and were both ready to go to bed. Y/N glanced up at him from her place against his side. That was when he leaned down to kiss her.

Y/N stood up immediately. "Woah, what the fuck?" She cried as she jumped away from him. "Charles, what the hell are you doing?"

"I... Just thought..."

"Well you thought wrong!"

Y/N stormed off, heading to the bedroom. She set up the bed, placing the cushions between them. They'd slept in the same bed several times since that very first time in her apartment, but hadn't since.

The next day, she got Charles to take to back to the marina. Whether paparazzi saw them or not, she didn't care as she stormed away from him without so much as a goodbye.

OFF THE RAILS

Just when we thought things were looking up for the Monégasque Princess, it seems she is, once again, off the rails.

Princess Y/N has spent the last few months seemingly dating Formula One driver, Charles Leclerc. In this time, it appeared that the princess had halted her wild ways. The clubs she so often frequented were quiet without her presence.

But, after a rocky night on his luxury yacht, the couple appeared to go their separate ways. The Princess was seen storming away from the yacht on Monday morning.

Fans had been hoping that this was just a little spat between the popular couple, but after the Princess was spotted partying in Monaco just the night previous, fans soon lost hope.

She'd done so well staying in the medias good books for the last few months. But, ever since that night on the yacht, Y/N needed to get out. She needed to get out and have a wild night.

She'd never been a relationship person. When Charles had gone to kiss her, she'd been terrified. Why be in a relationship person when every relationship you've had was somebody trying to screw you over?

Because she had loved every minute with Charles. Every fucking minute. For once it felt like she wasn't being used, and they weren't even in a relationship. But Y/N couldn't see a future with him, not one where at least one of them didn't get hurt.

So, she ran away from it. She ran from him and her feelings, ran back into the embrace of the bottle. She partied the night away without caring who saw it.

Of course Charles saw it. It was the first thing he saw when he opened any form of social media. Her face plastered across his screen. Her in a low cut dress that perfectly showed off her figure. He sucked in a breath. She was meant to be his girl, and she didn't want him.

Even though they weren't together anymore, Y/N did stop with the partying. She calmed down immensely, no longer appearing in the tabloids. No longer appearing anywhere, actually.

Charles tried his best to forget about her. He didn't sleep around, he just put all of his energy into his work. He took sponsorship deals, did photoshoots and spent all of his time training. All to get Y/N out of his head.

Well, it didn't work. Charles couldn't forget about her. It was taking everything in him not to go to her apartment and tell her how he had fallen for her while they were supposed to be pretending to date.

Charles messaged Henri, asked how Y/N was doing, but Henri didn't seem to know.

That was because she hadn't been seen outside of her apartment in weeks.

When Henri told Charles, he knew he had to do something.

After attending the Italian Grand Prix alone, Charles made his way to Y/N's apartment. He had all of his things, having not made his way back to his own apartment.

When he knocked on her door, there was a moment before anything happened. He listened out, listening as she got off of the couch with a groan and walked over to the door.

The girl that answered the door was the girl that Charles was in love with, but she was hard to recognise. Hair a mess, bags under her eyes, wearing clothes that hadn't been washed in days.

When she pulled open the door, her face dropped. "Oh," she muttered, leaning against the door, not letting him see the mess inside. "What are you doing here?"

"Your brother told me you're not doing good."

"So?"

She was so quick to shut him down, to try and get him away from her apartment.

But, Charles pushed on. "So, I came to check on you. I'm worried about you."

Finally, she pushed open the door and allowed him inside.

The apartment was a state. Trash everywhere, dirty clothes about the floor, all of her dishes used and piled up around the apartment. There was half eaten food that was definitely rotting.

"Shit, Y/N," said Charles as she pushed the door shut.

She glared and threw herself back down onto the sofa. "Oh, fuck off," she said.

Charles sat on the end of the couch. It was the only place in the apartment that filthy. "I just want to help you," he said and began picking up the clothes on her floor.

And then Y/N sat up, causing Charles to stop what he was doing. "Why? Our entire relationship was fake, so why do you care?" She spat.

"Because." Charles stood up a little straighter, dropping her clothes into a little pile. "Because I love you. I know we were only fake dating, but it felt so real! And I realised that I actually do love you! I want to date you for real! I want to be the best real boyfriend ever, not the best fake boyfriend ever!" He exclaimed. "I don't know why you're so opposed to the idea. Those dates we went one, the ones after that first night in your apartment, they were amazing. I wouldn't have invited you to my yacht if I didn't seriously like you."

Y/N scoffed sarcastically. "Sure you do, Charles. Sure you, a world famous Formula One driver who can have anybody he wants, wants me, the troubled spare, the princess that nobody wants." She said it quietly, picking at her nails.

He leaned down in front of her, taking her hand in his and kissing the back of it. "I do. I really do want to be with you. Princess Y/N of Monaco, I want to take you on dates and I want you to join me at races. I want to show you off in the paddock and I want to take you on my yacht, kissing you with your permission. I want you, Y/N."

But the way she looked at him, she looked ready to cry. "I can't do heartbreak," she said and pulled her hand away from his. "Not with you, Charles. I can't handle you breaking my heart," she said and stood up.

Charles suddenly pulled her close. "I won't break your heart," he whispered and kissed the top of her head. "Now, go take a shower. I'll sort out... all of this."

Y/N did just that. She turned on the water and hopped into the shower as Charles picked up the rubbish. Mainly empty wrappers and bottles of soft drinks. There were plenty of pizza boxes that he shoved behind the bin, just for the time being. After that, Charles picked up her clothes from the floor. He shoved what he could into her washing machine and turned it on, leaving to pick up the plates.

When Y/N hopped out of the shower, the apartment wasn't clean. But it was better. The floor was now visible. As Charles cleared up the space between the couch and the television, Y/N set about washing the dishes.

"Pizza?" Charles offered as he walked over with some half full glasses and cups.

But Y/N shook her head as she scrubbed a bowl that was once full of cereal. "You know, for the first time in a while, I'm not feeling like pizza."

"We'll get you something better, then," Charles said and set about ordering food.

They sat on the couch, Y/N in the last of her clean clothes, tucked into his side. "If we're gonna try this, we'll need to go on proper dates," she muttered, her head against his chest. "And, eventually, you'll need to come and have dinner with my family."

Charles let out a laugh. "Relax, chérie, we're gonna take it one step at a time."

One step at a time.

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc x reader smut #charles leclerc x you #formula one #formula one imagine #formula one x reader #f1 #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 x reader #cl16 #cl16 imagine #cl16 x reader

[wingzie]

The Mirrorring of Army: Then and Now

I didn't expect my previous post to gain some hate, so here goes my third post of the day: There are good and bad side to every fandom, but if you spend so much time with the negative. All you will see or feel is that negativity. Yes, some of my experiences with Army have been frustrating, but it's like a sibling relationship. I will still be there for other Army and A LOT of my experiences have honestly been life changing in a good way. I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this... In 2019 BTS performed at the GMA. Spoilers: Jikook were very cute. Army there at the time were told to leave quickly and they did, but then returned to pick up their trash or belongings. Last year when Jungkook's concert, also at GMA, got cancelled there was a lot of confusion and fear. Army helped each other to get shelter and reach home. Especially those who were not from the area or who had flown in from South Korea. This is simular to what happened at Busan when the mobile network went down and some I-Army got stranded. K-Army helped them reach their destinations when they got turned down by local taxis. When BTS did their recent concerts, there were A LOT of complaints about Army not singing along enough. It was obvious that the sound wasn't coming through properly on the stream, because you could hear the chants in fancams. However, there was a delay. Now that we have the PTD Behinds, the members THEMSELVES mentioned about how bad the sound reverb was. There was a delay on the sound in the stadium, depending on where you stood. That's why in some clips it sounds like the fan chants are massively out of sync.

There was also the belief that certain members would get zero cheers whilst on stage. I still do not understand where this lie came from, but it spread very far and hashtags were started. All the members got the loudest cheers I have heard. They always will. It was started to create fear and it started a chain reaction for no apparent reason, because so many like to assume the worse before getting their facts right. Army also helped each other whilst waiting in lines. Again, simular to what happened at James Corden in 2020.

Back in 2019 there were a lot more scandals or hate aimed towards the members than some of you might know of. However, they were dealt with in GC's or in private to prevent those hateful words from spreading. Now it's almost like this hatred is used to get engagement. Paddington, a know anti back then, even said that they would say things to try to get on Report Pages because it would help get them more attention. Antis follow our report pages to know which posts or accounts to boost. Boosted accounts are harder to take down because of the Twitter algorithm and it's why so many do beg to not engage with such posts. This includes using their name, responding or quoting. Is there an easy solution? I don't really know. But if you ever start to feel unsure, please step away and remember those good times: When MMA 2020 Jikook happened. When we donated money to the Beyond the Rainbow Foundation in South Korea after Yoon won his election. The happiness each Bangton or Run Episode brings. The joy we'll feel once Jin is back...

#wingzie

[chiveburger]

Hi Candice! I’ve been following you for ages now so it felt like in some way, we were navigating through life side by side but now I’ve gotten to my late twenties and….its not what I really expected. I hope this doesn’t make hard moments you’ve already gone through reopen and if it does I completely understand why you wouldn’t answer this but…how did you go about being unemployed for awhile? I’m starting to struggle mentally and I just need some sort of real guidance or words. My mom isn’t really making it easy either and I don’t expect it from her but it feels like she wants me to feel these negative emotions that are naturally connected to being jobless which kind of adds to my already pent up pressure I put on myself but yeah…Apart from that, I’m glad you still post and your vlogs are so cute. You’re like sunshine!

I'm very honored that you have followed me for so long, and feel open enough to ask me this question. I definitely look back at the time when I was unemployed, and actively avoiding the job market as something that was necessary to me as an individual. I'm sure you already know, but the novelty of not having a structure routine and not getting paid wears off quickly and it's very easy to delve into depression or negative emotions when times goes by. I stopped working for 2 years during covid, and when I started applying and looking again it was a very daunting hill to climb. I would feel dejected if I didn't get a job, but also conflicted when I did get an interview for something I felt overqualified for. I was stuck in this slump where I had things I wanted to do but not enough credentials. at the same time I wasn't putting enough time into my "hobbies" to really make it a career.

the first piece of advice I can give you, albeit tacky, is that you are absolutely not alone. the emotions you're feeling are justified, and it's not an easy place to be without a solid foundation of support both emotionally and financially. two little quotes that continues to help me through difficult periods of time is that "life is fluid" and "nothing you do is ever in vain." we're not always where we want to be, doing what we want to do, but things can change and things will get better. your life is not defined by the time that you're unemployed, and while it's hard to envision your future amidst darkness, the darkest hour is just before dawn. all the steps you're taking and decide to take will lead you to different opportunities and experiences, regardless of them being good or bad I implore you to reach out and try, no matter how scary because you'll never know what road it'll take you.

sometimes you are met with harsh words and critique about your choices but I look back on the ones that came from those who love me and wish better for me, and I thank them for not just consoling me but pulling me out of the hole I was stuck in. my best friend told me that she didn't want me to look back in regret, and to wait for an outcome I wasn't actively putting energy to. she told me to go home and write down what I wanted to do, curate a plan, and to do something everyday even if it was small. ultimately, it took a long time for me to open up to the idea of working again and I made a lot of excuses not to. I took up an offer for my current job close to 2 years ago without any expectations, and I've accomplished much more than I could've imagined. I know what path I want to take and how to get there, and I have a lot of people who believed in me, who praised me, who supported me to thank. In return, I can be the one to believe in you, to praise you, and to support you in your journey too.

I've been in the exact position that you're in and it's very hard, and there are many times where you'll feel very bad but please remember there will always be second chances, third chances, fourth chances. don't be afraid to apply to places outside of your comfort zone, and know that everytime you get rejected it's okay to feel defeated and unhappy. even the bad experiences will potentially lead you to the right people and the right place. so, don't give up because doors will always open for you, even the ones that are locked.

#Anonymous

[aoyama-division]

Karada's Thoughts on Pixel Syndicate

Anika Kiyozaki

"I think I've seen this woman before. But where? ...Oh yeah! I think she used to be a famous race car driver! Man, I remember watching her zoom in and out of the tracks! And she didn't give a damn about whose vehicle she trashed as long as she hit the checkered line first! I was a fan of her, but... I guess driving like that was bound to end badly. When she got in her accident, I was shocked that she was still alive, though she retired soon after. I kinda stopped watching racing after that...

"I had no idea she was a doctor now, though! That's kind of a huge leap from racing, don't you think? And not to quote Tomi, but... what the heck is a 'hypnotherapist'? Does she put people in a trance or something like a magician? If so, I'll pass. I don't know if that stuff would have any effect on me..."

Shian Meizono

"I remember her! She stumbled into Luis's restaurant one time while she was here in Aoyama and pretty much ordered everything on his menu! I don't know if she finished all that she ordered, but damn, watching her eat made me hungry. And I'd just finished lunch too! She kinda reminded me of that red-haired girl with the hot, dangerous mom from Edogawa...

"Tomi and Lu say she works as some sort of bounty hunter, hunting people that try to run away from court or something. Glad I don't have to deal with her! ...Though, I wouldn't mind getting to know her more..."

Makina Setsukura

"I've heard of her! She uploads videos of herself playing video games onto YouTube! Honestly, it was by chance that I clicked on one of her videos, to be honest. And no offense or anything, but... I get the sense she's not as good as she claims to be. The few videos I've watched, she's made more than a few mistakes. Plus, she's not as good as that 'glasses girl' whose #5 on the Gamer Board or something..."

Pixel Syndicate

"Wow, another Akihabara team? This makes, what, the third team to sponsor that city now? I mean, not that I blame them. Like I said before with the other team, Akihabara is a cool place to hang out at! I wish I had more time to go there, but my work schedule often keeps me here in Aoyama. Still, the few times I do go there, I always make sure to have a good time.

"As far as this team goes, no offense to them, but I don't see them getting past the first round. Plus, I'm kinda rooting for the other Akihabara team, the Otaku Corps! I mean, if you're gonna represent a city as cool as Akihabara, you need to like have some of the culture down. And those other three girls have that jammed pack! So... sorry to this team, but my vote's going for the other guys! ...But hey, if you do manage to beat them, I'll personally apologize to all three of you. But I'm not holding my breathe there!"

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #hypnosis microphone #hypmic oc #hypnosis mic oc #karada kessaku #pixel syndicate #akihabara division #anika kiyozaki #shian meizono #makina setsukura

[marietheran]

LotR reread - book 1, chapter 3 - (nomen omen) Three is Company

"You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to. Do you realise that this is the very path that goes through Mirkwood, and that if you let it, it might take you to the Lonely Mountain or even further and to worse places?"

That old pre-First-Age road, older than Hobbits and Men! (Do you realise, that it used to run from Moria to Doriath and the drowned Beleriand parts of it, at least, had been built before the Sun rose?)

The Elven hymn:

Oh stars that in the Sunless Year/ with shining hand by her were sown - "Sunless Year" as in the years before the sun? Or since it looks as if it refers to a shorter period (year) does it mean the Darkening? But there were no new stars made then...

We still remember, we who dwell/ in this far land beneath the trees/ Thy starlight on the Western Seas - beautiful lines *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Btw I know at least one Marian song that not only connects the Virgin Mary with the stars ("O douce Dame aux étoiles") but also calls Her "whiter than snow"?? and I'm not sure the imagery is that rare.

"Of the House of Finrod"!! Also you're all very welcome to my headcanon of Gildor as the unofficial adopted son of my favourite elf haha

"We are Exiles" - I'm always subtly tickled by the phrasing because it was sort of self-chosen exile, though I guess that's a thing? But right now there's certainly nothing to stop you from returning so it seems a bit outdated. I suppose the appellation is a proper name for Noldor in Middle-Earth at this point.

The Turin constellation! Rest in peace my problematic fave.

Back to the present... "They spoke of many things, old and new, and Frodo questioned Gildor much about happenings in the wide world outside the Shire. The tidings were mostly sad and ominous: of gathering darkness, the wars of Men, and the flight of the Elves." - similar passage to the one I quoted from the last chapter; also moved me terribly as a young teen and doesn't anymore :(((

"But I already know a little, and I can read more in your face and in the thought behind your questions." - Is Gildor reading his mind here or am I reading (pun not intended) too much into the phrasing?

"The wide world is all about you: you can fence yourself in, but you cannot forever fence it out" ✧*:･🦉

"Chance" again.

"May Elbereth protect you" ✏️ *notes under heading: Elvish customs - blessings

"The Wandering Companies shall know of your journey, and those that have power for good shall be on the watch. [Does Gildor have contact with Rangers?] I name you Elf-friend; and may the stars shine upon the end of your road!" ✏️ *files under same heading as above* (also I loooove the sound of it, and it does have meaning, because if you end up enslaved in the dark lord's fortress you cannot see the stars, I suppose)

Elves like to hear people speak Quenya, it seems (or at least Noldor, the Sindar might have other opinions, though the Noldo-Sinda divide seems to matter little in the Third Age)

#LotR reread #the professor's mythopoeia #lotr #original post

[icy-watch]

What was it we talked about that one time :) :) :) Right, something you said about Macaque trying to break away from LBD before you started S3, and so I quoted a musical... "Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves." Yeah. Macovered-in-ice here isn't looking so hot. Remember how I said he was straight up losing it 😔 his sanity has been snapping all season. Makes sense, we're at the absolute edge of it all. No more Wukong plans, no more MK having any idea of what's happening and knowing how to handle it with spontaneously regaining some old power, none of that from before is going to help. Macaque is actively under threat of dying now. And the only solution he sees is the one from before LBD went and forced him into an even stronger servitude. The one where he gets to use the Samadhi Fire to free himself, even if he has to be the worst possible version of himself to do it. He gets so triggered by MK fighting back and delaying things and having so much belief in Wukong's "plans" being able to save everybody when Macaque lost faith in Wukong long ago and can't be saved right now by them... LBD: "Bring the Samadhi Fire to me." Macaque, on a timer, under threat of being erased from the world, literally threatened the episode before chained up, likely still remembering the memory of being dunked into oblivion of death/erasure by the Mayor, had a panic attack and was scared out of his mind, in pain and feeling all kinds of wrong from getting LBD's power, currently being corrupted by the ice with horrible consequences if it consumes him: "I could care less about what you want." LIKE BROO???!! Champion of Taking Ls I tell you. He will give himself those Ls, even with the consequences and scrambling to save his behind from LBD he will still go and do things contrary to what she wants. In this case, this was The Final Straw Ever. Because there was no excuse or "revealing sensitive info about the heroes" he could possibly do if THIS one single attempt to risk it all to save himself failed. I'm proud of him for resisting her every step of the way. He didn't give in once to give her what she wanted despite All That. Even if he did end up choosing The Violent Third Way to do it VS working with Monkie Gang. Even I had to wince at that, like hoo boy he makes one heck of a mean villain. "I'll cut you down, starting with the girl." Heh, he sure is sticking to what he said back in The Winning Side, eh? Also. He destroyed the rings, destroying any chance of bringing the fire to LBD but goes "the real rings are with MK. perfect." Mr. Contradiction right here. what would you have done had you destroyed the real rings. accepted failure and death by her hands? I literally keep thinking about this. that was an INSANE MOVE. He's really just swapping between decisions on the fly depending on what circumstances or opportunity there is, hence all the conflicting actions/words we keep getting. instability in all aspects.

Macabee has def been thru the ringer this season.

There's a part of me that wonders if he could sense that there was something up with the fake rings.

#thanks for asking! #qua #nonnie

[imaginatorofthings]

Everything Goes On

I listened to Everything Goes On by Porter Robinson recently after not listening to it for a while, and I was hit with a thought due to hyperfixation: "This could fit The Locked Tomb series"

So! Let's dive into it!

Contains spoilers for the series as a whole

(Does this make sense? I'm not sure, but we try to voice our thoughts anyways!)

Don't try to make yourself remember, darling Don't look for me, I'm just a story you've been told So let's pretend a little longer 'Cause when we're gone Everything goes on

This feels like a general theme for the series (GTN, HTN, NTN), seeing how it's the chorus, but specific lines can relate to different points in the series.

"Don't try to make yourself remember, darling": Harrow's lobotomy to forget Gideon and preserve her soul OR Nona's amnesia, which remembering led to her slowly start to die

"Don't look for me, I'm just a story you've been told": Again, running with the idea that this is Harrow's lobotomy, except told from the POV of Gideon

"So let's pretend a little longer": Alecto chastising Pyrrha for "playing family" OR Harrow and Gideon pretending to hate each other more than they actually did (questionable) to deal with their own self-hatred

"'Cause when we're gone Everything goes on": This screams of Paul's quote of "You can't take away loved". Everything goes on despite us being gone. This also screams of Gideon's sacrifice as Harrow still has to live on, and Nona's yearning to live.

Well, you were staring at the window And I said, "I wanna take you to the sea" And when I'm better, we'll do everything I gotta stop making promises I can't keep

This feels like the beginning of GTN, when Gideon and Harrow are leaving for the Canaan House. Gideon is the one who's saying this to Harrow, and we all know why she can't keep that promise.

But if I was gone tomorrow, won't the waves crash on? Is it selfish that I'm happy as we pass the setting sun? Someday I'll be overcast, but you won't have to cry 'Cause we'll do the grieving while I'm by your side I said

This reminds me of Nona and Gideon, but mostly Nona. Swimming with the jellyfish and happy despite dying and the world going to hell around her.

But the latter parts, about being overcast? That's Harrow's messed-up Lyctorhood. She's grieving for Gideon while Gideon's by her side (in a way).

Don't try to make yourself remember, darling Don't look for me, I'm just a story you've been told So let's pretend a little longer 'Cause when we're gone Everything goes on

See above

And I'm so scared of getting used to this All the vines that keep you tethered in your room Someday both of us are leaving here But for now, I'll just bring to the sea to you, ooh

This is everyone. Everyone's scared. Gideon was scared of never escaping or receiving proper attention or love. Harrow was scared of failing the Ninth House and forgetting Gideon. Nona was scared of dying and remembering who she was (and her tantrums).

The last two lines are largely reminiscent of the end of HTN, when both souls leave their respective body (bodies?), and also feels like Nona in a way (she loves her ocean dips).

When you meet me in the daylight like we did before Then I felt you on my shoulder, and you weren't suffering anymore You said, "I'm sorry that you worry, but don't apologize" I told you to forget me, but you stayed by my side When I said

Nona and Kiriona meeting. But they're both suffering so much, so the second line could read as sarcasm from either party.

The third line onwards could also read as Harrow and Gideon. Harrow in her attempt to forget and Gideon in her stubbornness to stay and live within the depths of Harrow's mind.

Don't try to make yourself remember, darling Don't look for me, I'm just a story you've been told So let's pretend a little longer And when we're gone, ah Everything goes on

See above

#Ima Rambles #writing #music #tlt #the locked tomb #my writing

[firsttransfootman]

Okay, I know I wrote in my description that I'm currently in Shadow and Bone phase. But my first post here just needs to be about my first love - The Walking Dead. And because I'm nerd, I need to show this here.

    So...if you also was watching TWD episode by episode every week when it was released, you for sure remember the break between seasons and half season. Always around 4 months and of course, there were a lot of leaks, photos from drones and rumors.

    It was the first quarter of 2017 (omg it was 6 years ago) and we got this leak. I couldn't find it on the internet and on my phone I only got the Spanish version. Basically it means "In the 13 episode we will get a reveal that Paul "Jesus" Rovia is homosexual". In the show it was actually changed and we got a reveal in episode 14, bcs of the switch between 13 and 14 episodes (for people who don't remember that were 2 episodes which were both  happening at the same time but in two different places and which was first doesn't really matter).

So it's around a month or two before the premiere of season 7B. I'm 15 and I can't stop thinking about what they are going to do. I write some propositions and I'm gonna share them now with you guys. Some of them contain minor spoilers from the comic books.

   1 . Somebody is gonna fall from him. I was 15, in denial that I'm mostly gay and just thought "It's Tom Payne, everybody finds him super attractive, right?". So, in my mind, some character would just develop a crush on him or fall in love. Of course, female character, maybe some dramatic kiss scene when he needs to take a step back and say "I'm sorry, but it's not gonna work". I didn't have anybody particular in mind for this. but it was still an option. 

   2. Similar to the first one but just looking for comfort. I started reading more comics. and if somebody didn't read comics, we got a lot  more  friends with benefits and "lovers" (meaning only bed lovers, not really relationships). Michonne was literally trying to sleep with every black guy in comics. So I was thinking maybe Sasha or Maggie would need some comfort after what Negan did and he would just be there for them. Even if they didn't try to sleep with him, maybe some cuddling and him saying this just to be sure they don't want anything more. Maybe before this some typical TV scenes after which people ship them a little bit or something.

   3. Some gay comfort scene with Daryl, Aaron, Eric or four of them. If anybody don't know this - there are rumors that Daryl was supposed to be gay and reveal of it was planned for season 3 or something around but they resigned of this concept (probably gonna write more about this someday). Anyway, I was thinking about a couple of options here:

    3.1. Jesus having amazing gay radar and just goes to talk with Daryl in casual  acting like it's obvious. He would panic and, you know, be grumpy about that OR which I actually think would actually be  the best way - also act like this is basic knowledge. People would be so freaking mad.

   3.2. Some deep conversation between him and Daryl, their backstory, of course, mostly Paul doing the talking and some sentences like "I don't know why I'm saying this to you . We don't really know each other".

   3.3. Some fluff comfort scene with Aaron and Eric, maybe even play it as a joke with their iconic sentence from a comic book. So in the comics, Aaron, after Eric died, says something about them being their last gays in the world. Like can you imagine a scene like that:

J: "So you live in this house?"

A: "Yeah, almost from the start."

E: "Two last gays in the world."

J: "So I would be third."

A: ...

E: ...

J: ...

D: "Forth!"

T: "Why people always forget lesbians?"

   4. Alex! Yeah, for people who didn't read comics or did it some time ago and don't remember Alex is Jesus' lover and nurse in Hilltop. In the comics, we got reveal in the way that when Paul is in Hilltop, Alex comes to his room and asks him to cuddle and read with him. With time, it's clear that Alex wanted something more and Paul just didn't feel it. They eventually split apart, Alex got a boyfriend and hopefully happy ever after. Anyway, this would be cool. Some one-sided love, an amazing example of the fact that being gay doesn't mean somebody would fall for every guy and it's a good example of grey side of Jesus bcs he really isn't honest with Alex and doesn't treat him like he should. Also, we would get a nurse, which would be cool bcs in the show I sometimes feel like they forgot that doctors aren't the only people who work in healthcare. Like paramedics and nurses exist.

 

   5. Like literally anything other than what we get. Don't get me wrong - this scene with Maggie is cute, but because it's the only scene about that, I needed something more. If he eventually got a romantic or bed partner I wouldn't say anything, but after he died people all over the internet literally arguing that he wasn't gay on a TV show bcs nobody remembers this scene. It was a pre-credits scene which you could really easily skip and you didn't know you had missed anything.

    I think they know they have Aaron and Eric so they don't want to have another gay couple (so Alex wasn't an option) and want this to be quiet. It was just a preparation for the future Aaron and Paul, which we never get. It's really sad bcs after this, Paul was literally cut off the series, being in a couple of episodes per season to the point when actor just don't wanna be part of it anymore (and I can't blame him). Even after that, they didn't have enough courage to make him and Aaron officially a couple of lovers. We only got suggestions and baits but nothing official.

    I would really like to read a fanfiction about any of the options which I wrote above. In the meantime, have an amazing weekend and to the next!

#the walkind dead #paul jesus rovia #paul jesus monroe #gay men #coming out #alternative scene #long post #daryl dixon #jesus x daryl #jesus x aaron #aaron x eric #tom payne #little rant #nerdsplaining #lgbtq #queerbaiting

[damonjuicyscock]

Pictures of you-Chapter 12 (90's Liam Gallagher X Reader)

Pairing: 90's Liam Gallagher X Reader

Warnings: Language, Angst, fluff, suicide, Y/N being in MH, maybe a few spelling mistakes.

Words: 3058

Summary: Y/N and Liam face a bad era, Y/N goes bad, she's sent to a mental hospital to be cured.

A/N: Hello everyone, here's chapter 12. It's a sad and was a very hard one to write. I take you to a trip into a borderline's head and mind in some way. The next chapter will be a rollercoaster, I prefer to warn you so you can prepare the tissues. You can also guess (because I quoted it twice now) that Stand by me is my favourite Oasis song (yeah, I even have a tattoo of it and also one that has to do with Damon)

Also, as a French person who's a British at heart, The Queen's death saddened me. And as I know Liam is a great fan of the sex pistols, so let's remember her with "God save the queen" (even if yeah, the punk era clearly showed that they didn't like her but anyway, I'm kinda punk too). Anyway,

Enjoy !

(Look at this handsome man OMG)

October 1996- London:

The “Be Here now” era wasn’t far.

The boys were rehearsing the new album in the Abbey Road studios, and I went sick for a week.

And this October week was the beginning of a nightmare era for me.

When I went sick, Oasis rehearsed with two known girls, and one of them was Liam’s ex.

Kate Moss was with them as she was Meg’s friend, but Lisa Moorish also was there, and it worried me. Maybe I was paranoiac, or maybe not.

I knew it didn’t end well between Liam and her, because Damon had also tasted the forbidden fruit with Lisa.

And I hoped nothing was coming between Liam and I, because she was far more prettier than I was, her personality was far more attractive than mine and I felt insecure.

This led to so many arguments between Liam and me.

Fer fuck’s sake Y/N, it almost has been a year we’ve been dating and ye still can’t fucking trust me? We’re living together and I even fucking asked ye to marry me! We’re fucking engaged!

But Liam, she’s your ex-girlfriend! How am I supposed to react? I said, crying

Ye said it yerself, she’s me fucking ex!

It bothers me!

Well ye’ll have to fucking deal with it!

I was crying more and more when hearing his words and punched the walls in frustration and distress.

Can’t you see it fucking hurts me?

It doesn’t hurt ye, yer only jealous because miss Y/N isn’t fucking confident with herself, she whines like a fucking little girl because she’s frustrated, and she can’t fucking trust me!

I’m not jealous, I’m fucking insecure, and as if you were not jealous! Remember my fucked-up date?

It’s not the same thing!

It fucking is!

Whatever, as I said, ye’ll have to deal with it!

And think I left G…

A silence settled in.

What were ye going to say? He asked with a threatening tone

Nothing. I answered dryly

Finish yer fucking sentence.

No.

Fucking say it! He yelled

Fuck you Liam! I yelled as well

The silence came back.

What were ye thinking? That I would drop every female friend I have just fer ye just because yer insecure?

No, and I never asked you to do it. But your ex, Liam, your fucking ex with whom there’s still so much ambiguity… I can’t take it.

Then take it or leave it.

What do you mean?

Take it or the door is opened for ye to leave.

I was stunned by such indifference to me and my emotions, to what I could feel.  It was as if my words and my tears didn’t touch him at all. I asked for nothing. Nothing but to be reassured, because despite my paranoiac side due to my illness, my instinct’s rarely deceived me, and I was sure that between Liam and her, the story was not over. It might only be platonic, I didn’t know, but knowing Liam, it wouldn’t last long, and I wasn’t an option, nor the third wheel.

Still stunned, I couldn’t hear what he was saying anymore because the pain of his words caused me to dissociate. I only took my bag without saying anything and walked out the door, walking under the rain.

*

My mind came back when I was sat in a pub, the bartender asking me what I wanted to drink.

A glass… a big glass of pure vodka please.

Have something to cope with?

Yeah, like every second of my fucked-up life.

The bartender filled a big glass with vodka.

It’s on me sweetheart, good luck.

Thank you.

I drank it all in a row. The alcohol quickly went to my head and burned my stomach.

I was clearly drunk, so fucking drunk. And the last thing I was waiting for was to meet him in the pub.

Y/N?

Hi Graham. I answered without looking at him

I wasn’t even aware of his presence. I just recognized his voice. Then suddenly…

Graham? What the fuck are you doing here? I asked

Graham laughed

You act as if you’ve seen a ghost.

Well yeah, a bit, you’re the last person I expected to see here.

Huh…remember I brought you to this pub first?

Oh…yeah…whatever.

You seem… preoccupied dear.

Oh really?

I know it didn’t end well between us but please don’t act sarcastic with me and let me help you.

Oh thank you Gray, but there’s nothing you can do. I stammered

Then at least tell me what’s going on.

I chuckled

Confessing to my ex-crush about my fiancé, what a funny situation.

I knew it had something to do with Liam…

Why? Is he that mean?

No! No, that’s not what I meant! I was only going to say that he’s complicated.

Yeah. Yeah, he is. I chuckled again before starting to have hiccups

Well… tell me!

Oh you know… the typical thing, a couple arguing and hurting each other.

How serious is it?

As serious as it looks like! I answered, ordering another glass

You mean… you broke up?

Yes. No. In fact, I don’t know fuck.

Okay, I’ll try something else. What did you argue about?

About a problem invading my couple and which is trying to steal the only good thing I fucking have. I answered, starting to drink my second big glass of vodka

Graham smirked

And what’s the problem’s name?

Lisa Moorish.

No fucking way!

I swear.

I know you’ve never been jealous and that you’re insecure but it’s not your fault. So something is happening between Liam and Lisa?

I don’t know, but they’re close and there’s ambiguity.

You’re not having a paranoia attack?

Not this time.

I’m sorry you have to go through this, I really do.

Yeah, thank you.

If you want, I have something that can cheer you up.

Oh yeah? And what’s that?

Find me in the loo in 2 minutes.

Oh, you’re finally going to fuck me then. I said sarcastically

Don’t be fucking ridiculous Y/N, I don’t touch women in relationships.

That was humor, dickhead.

Graham rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom. I finished my drink and joined him in the bathroom.

Ah, here you are. Come here, there’s something for you next to the washbasin.

White powder, or also known as cocaine. That was what was next to the washbasin. Only problem, slowly I was becoming the gold dust woman.

I was deeply addicted to cocaine. In fact, I was addicted to any kind of white powder.

Be careful, this isn’t cocaine.

Speed? MDMA?

Heroin.

Oh let me guess, Damon gave it to you.

Huh yeah, why?

It’s no secret that Damon chases the beetle. And so do I when there’s heroin somewhere.

Yeah. Do you want some or not?

At this point, I’m not losing anything.

And oh, big mistake Y/N. Mixing vodka and heroin together, where did it get me? To a 3 hours blackout. I was lucky I didn’t overdose, once more.

*

I don’t know how and when I got home, I couldn’t remember anything until 4am, when I heard the door slam shut.

Do ye know how long I spent looking fer ye out there? Do ye know how fucking worried I was? Liam shouted

Oh fuck you Liam, my head hurts.

What the fuck Y/N?!

You told me I could leave, that’s what I did. After all, you don’t need me this much, do you?

Shut the fuck up!

Oh and why so huh? You know what? I don’t even want to talk, I don’t have the strength to argue with you, I’m tired. Tired of all this.

Oh so ye want to fucking dump me then?

No Liam, think again and about what you’re about to do to us. Now please, I beg you, let me sleep. I said, tears threatening to spill from my eyes

Liam sighed and went in the kitchen to get a whiskey bottle. He almost drank it all.

At 6am, I opened my eyes.

I had fallen asleep on the couch again. Liam was in the rocking chair opposite me, asleep and snoring.

My head was still fucking hurting, so it was my turn to go in the kitchen and grab a glass and aspirin. I took what was left of the whiskey bottle and drank it all.

Immediately after, I laid back down on the couch and fell asleep again.

At 8:36 am, I reopened my eyes and saw Liam, standing in front of the window, a cup of tea in his left hand and a lightened cigarette in his right one.

He was watching outside. It apparently was a rainy day.

Liam saw me move and looked at me.

Good morning sweetheart. He tried with a weak smile

Morning. I answered

Tea?

Gladly.

I made some toasts and there’s butter and strawberry jam.

You’re perfect.

I know, me. He said, a smirk on his lips

I rolled my eyes in amusement.

He went in the kitchen and came back with a tray of everything he had previously said.

I started eating while he was looking at me with a husky look.

I don’t deserve ye. He said

Don’t say that…

I mean it. I’m behaving like a fucking bastard with ye. I’m so soz Y/N. I swear nothing is happening between Lisa and I but I should have listened to ye. I can’t say I know how hard it can be fer ye, because I don’t, but I had to understand. And ye made me yesterday when ye went missing. I thought I lost ye. Ye made me realise I can’t lose ye. I can’t live without ye. I want to go to town hall today so we could choose a date for our wedding, because I also really want to marry ye.

Okay…

What okay?

Okay we’ll go to town hall today. I said, a smile invading my face

Liam smiled as well and came to hug me on the sofa.

I love ye Y/N.

And I love you too Liam. But don’t make me angry. You don’t know what I can do when I’m enraged, and I don’t either. Don’t make me sad because I love you, and I’ll always treat you right. I said on a threatening tone

I don’t know if I scared Liam, it wasn’t my goal. It was a warning. Because I really didn’t know what I was capable of if I had to lose my temper.

And he would discover it very soon.

*

April 7th 1997- London:

I had chosen a simple long silk dress for the day. After all, there would only be us two on this day. No one was invited. I was the one who would have wanted a ceremony with at least our families, but Liam didn’t want to and neither of us was fond of great celebrity wedding ceremony. Though, it still is today one of the most important days of my life.

And one of the beautifulest.

We woke up at 7am, preparing each of our own before joining each other in the living room.

Liam was normally dressed. I had added a small lis on my ear, wanting to make the atmosphere a little romantic for this special say.

Yer perfect. He said when he saw me

And so are you, handsome. Did you remember to take our wedding rings?

Liam tapped on his jean’s pocket as answer.

Ready? He asked

More than fucking ready!

A driver drove us to town hall and 30 minutes later, I became Mrs Gallagher.

We didn’t go on honeymoon. Most of the time, Liam was out, he was always telling me he was with friends and I felt alone. I was alone.

*

I was often staying with Meg and her friends, doing drugs and other stuff. I missed my husband. I was already chronically depressed, but it was getting worse.

And to keep me from feeling depressed, from feeling anything, I was doing more drugs. Mainly cocaine to feel energized.

But it started doing more than that.

Paranoia and deep hallucinations were possessing me.

I always had a bad voice speaking to me in my head. She really wasn’t nice. Insults, denigration, announcements that serious things would happen, that Liam never loved me and never would…

And I couldn’t take it anymore.

Only three weeks after my wedding with Liam, I tried to kill myself once more by opening my veins.

One of Meg’s friends found me. I was driven to hospital.

Liam only came 4 hours after, Meg and Noel shouted at him.

Liam wanted me to heal. For me to get better. He made the hard but necessary choice to send me to psychiatric hospital in psych ward where I would be wired to wean myself off the drugs.

May 1997- Saint Ann’s hospital- Daisy ward- London:

So Y/N, tell me about you.

There’s nothing to say about me. I’m nobody. I grew up in Winchester with a daddy and mummy who loved me but not correctly and not enough. I have a younger brother and a fucking useless life.

Why do you think your life is useless?

Because I’m always alone, I have no purpose. I was just born, and I asked nothing.

But you became a successful photographer, and you are married.

We all have to carry our burden for the rest of our lives. The trick is just to find something that makes you feel at least a little bit vibrant and someone who makes you feel at least a little bit vibrant too. I found that person, my husband Liam, but what is a husband when he is always away?

Do you love him?

If I love him? Would have I married him if I didn’t love him? Please doctor, be serious.

I am.

Oh are you? I know therapists like you. You try to make friends, propose a nice cup of tea and blabber about my life, wanting to know if I grew up in a loving family to make sure I’m not a fucking dangerous sociopath. Why don’t you ask the real questions? like why I am here, why I tried to kill myself…

I wanted to make you comfortable first.

I have no time to lose. I need to get the hell out of here and be cured.

Oh how I wish myself you could. It’s been 4 sessions you’ve been here, not wanting to talk during the first one. The only thing I can do for you is stabilize you. With therapy and an adapted medication. Your borderline personality disorder might get better one day. But your bipolar one can only be stabilized at the moment.

Bipolar?

You also have bipolar disorder. It’s common for borderlines to also suffer from a bipolar disorder.

Well well, my life was really meant to be shit then.

Don’t say that. I’m going to do everything in my power so you could live an almost normal life.

I laughed

The things with you psychiatrists and therapists, is that you don’t seem to understand that there’s nothing normal with us and nothing will be. You might be the docs, but try walking in my shoes for a day and you’ll see how it is, I wish you good luck.

Together we seem to have a lot of work ahead of us.

Yeah it seems so. But if you want it to work, allow me to see my husband. I need him to come and visit me, please, and I promise to do my best, even if I have to cry and suffer and bleed and that it’s what I always do.

*

I was allowed to see Liam; he could visit me during the visiting hours. He was coming to see me 3 hours a day.

I knew he didn’t like to be here; he was often looking at his watch as if he was impatient to leave.

And when I needed him the most, he wasn’t there.

Always being true to him, I told him about it and how I felt about this. How it felt.

And he made efforts, coming with me in therapy when asked and needed. He wanted to help me. He also wanted me to get the hell out of here.

I was released from psych ward in June 1997 but had to pursue therapy. At least when I wouldn’t be on tour with Oasis.

Liam made me listen to the new album and I loved it a lot, I said it was one of their best albums despite what critics and mags or the public thought. But he made me listen to stand by me as the last song.

Okay huh Noel wrote the song when he had food poisoning one day but listen carefully to the chorus okay?

Alright.

I listened to the whole song carefully, but the chorus was magnificent and just a bit inspired by all the young dudes by Mott the hopple. And even if Noel wrote the lyrics, there was my husband’s voice on the record. As if he was speaking to me.

“Stand by me, nobody knows the way it’s gonna be”.

Liam wanted me to understand I had him, my husband lover and friend, someone to cry with, that he loved me.

I kissed him passionately at the end of the song, crying a little.

I’m here, and I’ll always be fer ye, me.

And I heard it and believed it. I just didn’t know what was going on behind my back…

#liam gallagher x reader #liam gallagher smut #liam gallagher fluff #liam gallagher fanfic #liam and noel #graham coxon x reader #oasis band #oasis

[yellowloid]

💫, 🎀, 💥, 💋, 💌 for the writing asks 🥰

thank you so much for the questions 🥰

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

i love love love long comments where the reader just goes over a whole list of things that stuck with them while reading, little details, images, ways a character acted, something the characters said; i just absolutely adore hearing about what the reader felt while reading my fics, how a particularly angsty passage put them in their feelings, a very fluffy bit sent them giggling and smiling at the screen, or a smutty scene had them losing their mind skfjshsfh. i also love when people tell me they've got passages from my fics screenshotted on their phone or quoted in their journals, or when they tell me that something i wrote helped them smile when they were sad, or helped them through a difficult time, or simply managed to distract them from real life problems, even if just for a bit. i love knowing that my writing can have a positive impact on other people's lives, no matter how small it might be <3

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

i think i'm pretty good at coming up with new images to express the kind of visceral love i write about whenever i write milex, both with the romantic and sexual aspect of it; i also think i do a good job at making the most of the more "aesthetic" part of writing - making sure my words and sentences not only make sense, but also "look good" together. i want my writing to sound as poetic and melodious as it can, that's really important to me and i tend to spend a lot of time trying to achieve that :)

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

my least kudos'd fic is the third and final part of my 'satin and lace' series, 'of loving at will, of loving till death'. my venice honeymoon fic <3 one that, in many ways, closed a chapter of my life that started back when i posted the first part of this series; if you know me, you also know how much this trilogy means to me. writing and posting the last part not only felt like a challenge, but also a quite emotional one sjfhshsjgh because i knew i'd miss those chaotic smitten husbands so much </3

despite it having less kudos than other fics of mine, i'm still really fond of this one. i made so much research for it - which now results in me knowing a whole lot of random trivia about venice - and i'm very satisfied with how realistic and accurate the descriptions of the city turned out, as well as the way they mixed with the expression of their love, the romance and drama of it all... plus i went on vacation this summer and spent a day in venice (i'd visited once when i was a kid but didn't remember much) and it just meant so much to me, visiting that city now that it holds a whole new and special meaning to me <3 it felt so !!!! walking around those sunny alleys and crossing all those bridges over the canals, imagining miles and alex doing the same, hand in hand, disgustingly in love with each other. it was just so magical and special - and i think that fic really captures the spirit of venice as a whole 💙💜

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

absolutely!! i think it's not only ao3 etiquette, but also like... the whole point of it? if i leave a comment it's because i want the author to know i loved their work, and if they never reply i feel like a. they secretly hate me or smth or b. they haven't seen my comment and now they won't know i loved their fic!!!!! when i know damn well that they don't hate me and they also most likely saw the comment and appreciated it, but just didn't reply for whatever reason. some people don't reply to comments and that's okay skfjshfhs but i certainly do in most cases and i definitely want to hear back from other writers when i leave one myself!!

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

okay okay so. this is all assuming i don't have a mental breakdown over it and drop it lmao but basically. it's a long-fic. two and a half chapters are already written. it's very angsty and alex is a stupid self-loathing idiot in it (<3). their performance of 'last night i dreamt' by the smiths @ alexandra palace is an out of context spoiler for it. that's all i can say without getting into spoilery details and/or giving away the whole premise of it gkskfjsdhgk

#i'm very excited about it!! it's being kind of a feisty one to write but i'm slowly working my way through it #i can already tell it's going to be a bitch to edit but i can't wait to get to that part because that'll mean i'm done with the main writin #i actually can't wait to finish it and have it ready to be posted it's kind of insane how much i want that but alas 😔 i'm a slow writer 😔 #anyway yeah pray for me that i can actually finish it lmao #thank you again for the ask these are always so much fun!! #answered #writing asks

[yamayuandadu]

Hello! I've read your post about the ten kings of hell dating from a couple years ago, and i was wondering if there were any sources you'd recommend on the topic? To tell the truth, I've been watching the Hozuki no Reitetsu anime lately, and having studied art history, it made me interested in the iconography of the kings of hell in Japan, ancient and modern, and especially if said iconography ended very codified, ie each king with features that made them recognizable (following on next ask)

(second part of previous ask) To give a specific example, There is a joke in Hozuki no Reitetsu about king Jotai having red clothes and a beard making him look like santa claus, and i'm really wondering whether 1) it is a complete invention from the author 2) popular modern iconography tend to represent him that way 3) one or more ancient sources paint him that way, but it's obscure-ish knowledge and it is not part of the common cultural references most modern japanese people have (end of previous asks) Anyway, thank you for your post that was very interesting! I also hope i managed to convey my points clearly enough to be comprehensible (also I meant king Sotei, the third king of the underworld, and not king Jotei as I think i mistakenly said)

Oh hey, I did watch the same anime at some point, I think there might even be some remnants of a liveblog... somewhere. I think the manga's style was more charming from what little I've seen of it tbh. Enma and Miki were the best characters from what I remember. Anyway, onto the actual question. I do not think there is anything like distinct iconography of any of the kings other than Enma, Taizan and Godo - doesn't help their origins are pretty nebulous, too. All three of these who do have pretty distinct appearance were already worshiped before the notion of ten kings even arose - Yama/Yanluo/Enma is self-explanatory, Taishan/Taizan is obviously the divine representation of mount Tai, and Wudao/Godo was initially a figure in "apocryphal" Chinese accounts of the historical Buddha's life whose precise origin is uncertain. Taizan is unique in that he is the source of the original variant of the judge uniform all ten are usually depicted wearing, Enma in Japan developed the unique red or otherwise outlandish appearance but I have no clue how since Chinese Yanluo doesn't seem to be portrayed differently from other kings. I am actually not sure if the unique iconography of Godo ever reached Japan, though - all the depictions where he looks distinct I've seen. like this one, are of Chinese Wudao... He's dressed like a military commander rather than a judge, which does reflect his role in these texts about the Buddha. I am not sure if we can really talk about codification, either, but this is a topic I am still researching rn, I will get back to this soon-ish since I have something related to this matter planned. As for Sotei's portrayal in the aforementioned anime: I do not think it's a pun on the name. Sotei(-o) goes back to earlier Chinese Songdi (Wang), a pretty straightforward name, "Emperor of Song"; I do not see much of a connection between Santa and this. I do not think 宋帝(王) looks anything like サンタ(クロース) so I doubt it's some sort of visual joke of this sort, though do not quote on this. The most famous painting of Sotei is without a doubt this one, where he actually is depicted in a red robe. Not sure about the beard. I would say that given the painting's modern esteem it's fair to say it's as close to a "canonical" iconography as you can get...? The only other modern media portrayal of him I am aware of isn't really similar though (it's from the weird 2007 Gegege no Kitaro adaptation). And note that there are other depictions of Sotei (or his Chinese forerunner) in all sorts of robes. I think one of the papers I linked in my original post shows him in white robes, actually. I am really not sure what the joke here might be, I think the gimmicks assigned to some of the kings in Hoozuki no Reitetsu were entirely the idea of the author tbh, especially since most of them were one note joke characters. I am going to look into whether there's anything newer on the Ten Kings than what the bibliography of the old post has to offer, I will update the post if something unexpected shows up.

[stevethehairington]

5, 12, and 32 for the weird writer asks! <333

lexxx ty for sending this in!! <3

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

ooh hm honestly i don't really think i do? i feel like that's such a boring answer lmao but i really truly cannot think of anything for this one. like, i guess probably because i'm not really a super stitious (hah) person to begin with?

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

ooooh. i think the first one would definitely be "i wish that i could finish a multichap fic" because good GOD do i want to do that so bad!! i have so many ideas for multichaps but there's just soo much that goes into those and even if i do start one i always seem to loose steam and never finish it so yeah. that absolutely would be a wish.

i think my second wish would be "i wish that i could pull the visual scenes from my head and have them pop out onto the page in perfect textual description and dialogue" LMAO. this just happens WAY too often where i have like THEE perfect image of the scene in my head, but when i sit down to like write it out it NEVER translates exactly the way i want it to (or maybe not never but definitely rarely or it takes a lot of work to get it there lol).

and my third wish would beeee hm maybe "i wish i could have time, motivation, and inspiration at the same time always" because ohohoh it is SO RARE to have all three at once lol.

(of course i would also make sure to phrase all of these in ways that they couldnt be twisted lmaooo - i see you sneaky genies)

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

OH OH OH THIS IS SO EASY TO ANSWER. okay so my favorite quote of A L L time is this one:

"soaping together is sacred to us. washing each other's shoulders. you can fuck anyone — but with whom can you sit in water?"

from while the child sleeps, sonya undresses by ilya kaminsky

god it's just my absolute favorite quote in the entire world because it's allllll about the tender nonsexual intimacy, which if you know me you know that that's like my favorite thing ever to read about and write about and think about skdljfs.

there's just something so so so vulnerable and beautiful about sharing yourself with someone else in this way. like yes, sex is an intimate thing, but this - bathing with someone, washing someone's hair, touching gently, tenderly with no other purpose other than to take care. THAT to me is even more intimate. like. you're getting emotionally naked with this kind of stuff, you're giving yourself over to someone else in a way that goes so much deeper, that peels back all the layers. you're putting your beating heart into someone else's hands and hoping they don't crush it to death. it's just ugh it means SO much to me. it's so beautiful and i just love exploring that kind of thing in writing and reading.

i know i found that quote on tumblr first lol, but i can't remember the specific context. i just know i saw it and instantly fell in love with it and it's so so important to me.

weird questions for writers

#asks #thefreakandthehair

[cassandraclare]

I'm sorry to hear that your hard work was leaked but I was curious about what happened. I hope the person faced consequences because that was a very selfish thing to do leaking your work like that :(

I haven’t taken action against the person who leaked the book. I know who they are, since they uploaded the page I signed for them, and I was able to match that against my records. 

I haven’t refrained from taking action because I feel sympathy for them. I don’t. It’s beyond shitty behavior to receive an early, signed book as a gift, and to then leak the entire book online. It’s a shit thing to do to the authors and an equally shit thing to do to other fans. However, I don’t want to put myself (and Wes) through the exhausting, grim and expensive process of legal repercussions. It doesn’t mean what this person did isn’t horrible, and it doesn’t mean they haven’t cost the entire fandom any chance of there ever being an early contest giveaway like that again. They did. There never will be. There will be no ARCs of Chain of Iron, either, and you can thank them for that, too. 

Part of what makes piracy such an issue for authors goes far beyond the individual assholes who upload and distribute and translate stolen books. It’s that the whole system is set up to make it incredibly difficult for us to do anything about it. Publishers do little to nothing to prevent piracy, and authors shoulder the entire burden of searching out and reporting illegal copies of their books. And even then, we’re dependent on whether or not the reported website feels like complying with copyright laws or not. Twitter is incredibly slow to respond, Tumblr is about fifty-fifty on bothering at all. They’re legally required to take action, but they also know that the effort of doing something about it if they do not falls on exhausted, overburdened artists who often can’t afford to follow up with a lawyer’s letter.

And like, I get being broke and wanting to read books; there were a lot of books I had to pass up reading when I was broke (I will be forever grateful to the library system of New York and Brooklyn, which is how I read books at all from about 2001-2004.) I was broke enough that I slept on a bare mattress because I couldn’t afford sheets, but I’m pretty sure if I broke into Bed, Bath and Beyond and stole a bunch of fitted percale bedding I wouldn’t have encountered much sympathy if I got caught. 

I talked about this on Twitter before, and I’ll say it again here though I know it will make very little difference: pirating books doesn’t just hurt the author of those books. It hurts everyone at the publishing company, where the margin of profit is razor-thin (and yes, publishers should do more to protect themselves against piracy; I agree there); it hurts bookstores, especially indie bookstores (I remember doing an event at a store that told me, sadly, that they were likely going to have to close because people “came into the store, looked at the books, took notes, then went home and pirated them.”) It hurts libraries, who rely on circulation for funding, and the shutting down of libraries hurts people who actually can’t afford books.

Now, I know is no way to talk people out of piracy; the internet has normalized it, and besides, people will generally do the cheaper, easier thing — you can’t talk people into not doing something they want to do by telling them it’s wrong, in my experience. They’ll find ways to justify it, whether it be that they can’t afford the book or it isn’t yet available in their language or that they find the author “problematic” and this is the way they’ve chosen to punish them. 

The reason I put “problematic” in quotes is because yes, of course you can read and enjoy work that has problematic elements. Pretty much everything has some element that’s going to be found problematic by someone — which is exactly why deciding that it’s morally excusable to steal from people you think are creating flawed work is more than problematic. Holding creators accountable for their work means critiquing that work, not stealing it.

I listen to a lot of political podcasts, and some of them review work by extreme right-wing politicians etc. who have written books that the podcasters find morally despicable but wish to, or need to, review and discuss. Since they don’t wish to give money to the authors, they buy second-hand copies or take the book out of the library. They certainly don’t steal, translate and distribute copies of the books because they genuinely do not like them and do not want more people reading them. That’s what it looks like when you have an actual moral problem with a book or author. 

However, running multiple fan accounts for a book series, naming your internet identity after characters from that book series, and talking endlessly about “your favorite parts” and how this is “your favorite book” entirely invalidates any argument that you’re doing this because you think the books are bad, evil, etc. If you claim a book is actively homophobic or racist but are so desperate to read it that you’ll steal it, so excited about it that you’ll share that stolen copy, so obsessed that you’ll illegally translate a whole book and provide that stolen translation to as many people as possible, and so dedicated to the fandom that you’ll name yourself after the characters in the books and write poetry about them, I have to tell you: the last thing that looks like is that you actually find the books problematic, regardless of what you say to the contrary. It looks like you like them but don’t want to pay for them, because in fact, that’s the case. (Either that or it looks like you’re really into racist, homophobic books, and making sure as many people read them as possible, which is your problem.)

One of the issues I have with piracy is that it teaches you to hate creators. You have to hate them, because you’re doing a fucking awful thing to them and you have to justify it. This results in lying about creators — about their process, their translations, their research — as if somehow, even if they were bad researchers, that would justify widespread theft. (It doesn’t.) Those who steal books wind up in a headspace where they are obsessed with the content of the books, and entirely unwilling to accept the reality that those books were created by a real person that they’re really harming. It encourages the mentality that I didn’t create Jem or Magnus or Will or Cordelia: they came from some kind of sparkly outerspace planet and I was just lucky enough to get to write down their adventures. It invalidates the hard work creators put into what they create, and in fact, erases their very existence. The internet attitude toward creators is already incredibly toxic (especially if they’re women, LGBT+ and/or BIPOC) and the feeling of entitlement to free content, and vicious hatred toward those who aren’t providing it (even though a lot of creators, me included, provide a great deal of free content) contributes to that. Genuinely, if you’re stealing someone’s work, the least you could do is not also be an asshole about them. (Or pretend you’re Robin Hood. He stole from the rich who had taken property and goods from the poor, and returned that stolen wealth. He didn’t steal from artists and independent bookstores and use that stealing to benefit himself and his friends. The idea is actually kind of funny.) 

 I understand there is a pressure to be up to date on the books that are being released so as to participate in fandom, and I do get that. Unfortunately, piracy has real consequences that stretch beyond just hurting me and Wes. Because LGBT+ books are pirated at such an incredible rate, and we’ve definitely seen that with TEC, I am left wondering if there will ever be an actual Spanish translation of TEC, or whether the publisher will decide not to bother because it’s already been so thoroughly pirated in Spanish. I have to wonder if there will even be a third book of TEC at all, or whether publishers will feel it isn’t worth doing. And I have to wonder why the people who create this situation so often have usernames that include Jem or Magnus or Alec or Cordelia or Julian or Tessa. What an incredible misunderstanding of those characters, to imagine a world in which Will Herondale or Magnus Bane or James Carstairs would approve of stealing books and harming writers. And why name yourself after a character who absolutely couldn’t stand you? I don’t know. I don’t get it, any more than I get hating someone who provided you with something you claim is your favorite book. 

That was a much longer answer than you were probably expecting or hoping for, and I know I’ll get yelled at quite thoroughly for writing it. Writers always do, when we engage with the issue of piracy. I know most of you reading this acquire your books honestly; most of you are not like this at all. But like most things on the internet, a small amount of people really do have the power to make things pretty rotten for everyone else.

#brother-sixpackariah-carstairs #piracy #tda #tlh #tec

[slashingdisneypasta]

What's your favorite Disney Villain quote?

I~ Cant~ Decide~ Hahaha... So, I've made a list XD In no particular order:

"Oh, you know what slipped my mind? You'll be dead, before you can get to her. That's not a problem, is it??" - Hades

"I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some guy!" - Hades. Speaks to my soul.

"Try me." - Jafar. I just love the moment. 'Prince Ali' is trynna convince him he is who he says he is and Jafar's just like oh try me you bitch, I've traipsed all over this damn continent at the idiot sultans behest-

"Prince Ali left!" - Jafar

"You're speechless, I see. A fine quality in a wife." - Jafar. Oh man, every time I hear this. I choke. makes me think honestly he'd be a really fun, twisted yandere to write.

"Ooh, I quiver with fear!" - Scar.

“Simba, I’m a little surprised to see you … alive.” - Scar.

"Now this looks familiar. Where have I seen this before? Hm, let me think. Oh, yes, I remember! This is just the way your father looked before he died.” - Scar

“If it weren’t for you Mufasa would still be alive. It’s your fault he’s dead. Do you deny it?” // “Then you’re guilty.” - Scar, holding court.

"I didn't make it all the way through third grade, for nothing!" - Percival C McLeach

"Academics, you never wanna get your hands dirty. Think about it: if you gave back every stolen artefact from a museum, you'd be left with an empty building." - Commander Rourke

"Look at it this way, son. You were the man who discovered Atlantis, and now you're part of the exhibit." - Commander Rourke

"The little tramp! Ahh, she's better then I thought. At this rate, he'll be kissing her by sunset, for sure!" - Ursula

"Aye, that it would, Mr Smee. But I have given me word not to lay a finger, or a hook, on Peter Pan. And Captain Hook never breaks a promise." - Captain Hook

"... I dont wANNA BE A GOOD CAPTAINNNNNNN!" - Captain Hook, after Peter tells him 'a good captain goes down with his ship'.

"You want me to be the bad guy? ... Fine, now I'm the bad guy." - Mother Gothel

"... No? Oh. I see how it is." - Mother Gothel

"Oh... I already have." - Prince Hans, after being told he wont get away with this.

"Gotta hand it to you, Tiana. When you dream, you dream big. Just look at this place! Gonna be the crown jewel of the Crescent City. And all you got to do, to make this reality? Is hand over that little talisman of mine." - Dr Facilier

#i cant... just pick... one... #impossible XD #(also this is not including pixar villains. thats a whole other list)

[aro-is-gay-af]

Slavic Names in Twilight | Meta

This post is going to be long, so if you don’t have time, I advise you to come back here later (or not come back at all, up to you).

Honestly, I have no words for Smeyer anymore. I, probably like most of us, read the books while being an adolescent. When I was 12 I didn’t see a lot of things that happened to be in the books and were:  a) misogynistic  b) sexist c) abusive d) racist and that the story itself was bound to Mormons (sick!). 

If you want to read about it a little bit more I strongly recommend this post by @stregoni-benefici​ and @carlislesscarf​ 

This post isn’t going to be about how Smeyer treated The Quileute Tribe, indigenous people, people of color or women. This post is going to be about how lazy Smeyer exactly was while creating this story and how her prejudices influenced and created false image of yet another culture. 

Why am I making such a fuss because of this? A few days ago I was reading something about Garrett on Twilight Wiki page. By sheer luck, I clicked on Kate’s character and, what I saw there, outraged me to the point where I needed a little while to calm myself. 

I was 12 when I first read the books. I never bought official twilight guide, I only used Twilight Wiki to keep myself up to date. I clicked on Kate’s character and saw that she hails from Slovakia. Forgive my utter confusion, when I remembered other sisters’ names. Tanya and Irina. Also, Kate was created by Sasha, who also created Vasilli (an immortal child), which is why she was executed in the first place. 

While the story is charming, WHY THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE SUCH NAMES?! 

To understand my rage, I need to elucidate the matter a little bit for all of you. This will be the historical part. 

According to Twilight Wiki, Sasha was changed before 1000 AD. Then, she created Tanya, and not very long after, Kate and Irina. And now. What were the historical odds while it happened? 

Before 1000 AD, Slovakia wasn’t Slovakia but Great Moravia. Great Moravia lasted about a century - the time span here is approximately circa 820 AD to 906 AD. When Great Moravia no longer existed, territory was taken by Hungarians (Magyar tribes also referred to as Hungarian clans) and the development of future Kingdom of Hungary began. Then, around 1000-1001, King Stephan was crowned as the first King of Hungary. Some elements from the former Great Moravia were acquired by The Kingdom of Hungary. 

King Stephen managed to establish eight counties within his kingdom. Around 1015 some territories of today-Slovakia were acquired by Boleslav I of Poland (later king of Poland), however, King Stephen managed to recapture the territories in 1018. Wikipedia isn’t consistent here - while on History of Slovakia we have these information, the History of Poland during the Piast dynasty says: 

From 1003 to 1004, Bolesław intervened militarily in Czech dynastic conflicts. After his forces were removed from Bohemia in 1018, Bolesław retained Moravia. 

and:

[translation here is mine as the site is in Polish] Between 1003 and 1025/1031 the lands of today's Slovakia were part of the Kingdom of Poland after being conquered by Bolesław Chrobry. The Polish-Hungarian Chronicle described that "The Polish borders stretched as far as the banks of the Danube, to the town of Ostříhomia, then to the town of Eger, and further to the river called Ciepla [Topl'a] as far as the town of Salis, and there the borders between Hungarians, Ruthenians and Poles ended". 

Than, probably around 1031 AD the territories were acquired back. King Stephen died and his kingdom fell into internal conflicts. Soon, in 1042 AD emperor Henry III mingled to acquire some lands for himself (he was the Holy Roman Emperor). Anyway, then came 1048 AD and that’s what happened: 

In 1048, King Andrew I of Hungary conceded one-third of his kingdom (Tercia pars regni) in appanage to his brother, Duke Béla. [...] During the following 60 years, the Tercia pars regni were governed separately by members of the Árpád dynasty. [...] The dukes accepted the kings' supremacy, but some of them (Béla, Géza and Álmos) rebelled against the king in order to acquire the crown and allied themselves with the rulers of the neighbouring countries (e.g., the Holy Roman Empire, Bohemia).

The history of the Tercia pars regni ended in 1107, when King Coloman of Hungary occupied its territories taking advantage of the pilgrimage of Duke Álmos (his brother) to the Holy Land. Although, Duke Álmos, when returned to the kingdom, tried to reoccupy his former duchy with the military assistance of Henry V, Holy Roman Emperor, but he failed and was obliged to accept the status quo. 

Source for the two quotes above. 

You may ask, why on Earth did I just present to you part of history of Slovakia, Poland and Hungary. Because I want you to understand how completely ridiculous and simultaneously offending are the names of characters that Smeyer gave within this coven.

History shows us that, even though, these times weren’t exactly peaceful, there wasn’t an ongoing war. We have Hungarian tribes and the part, when some territories were acquired by a Polish king. What I mean by that, is that probably names around 1000 AD varied as to where your family lived, what was your social status, and probably were influenced by newly adopted Christianity. It is more likely that people on this lands were named with names of Hungarian origin than Russian. And I still think the majority of names were of Slavic origin, only with some local variations going on. 

Now, a little bit of common knowledge. People who descend from Poland, Slovakia, Czech Republic and Hungary are best buddies for life, even if they never saw each other. We have mutual respect for these countries and for ourselves, as our history brought us together multiple times (bad times and good ones). Russia IS NOT a part of this “mutual respect pact”. Mostly due to events that happened during both World Wars (i.e. Katyń Massacre), as well as other ones (Partitions of Poland, Eastern Bloc - communism). 

Most of the names used by Smeyer are of Russian (or Greek, or Hebrew) origin. Not Slavic origin. And while Russia is also the part of Slavic languages, there’s a significant distinction between West Slavic Languages (Slovakian, Czech, Polish language), East Slavic Languages (Belarusian, Russian, Ukainian) and South Slavic Languages (i.e. Serbian, Croatian, Bulgarian). 

It makes difference to the point that if I go to Slovakia or Czech Republic I'm able to communicate with people in my native language (Polish) while they can answer me in their native language. Not everything is going to be the same but you're able to maintain a conversation mostly about every topic that you'd like to discuss. It isn't impossible to do so with Russian or Ukrainian but it's much harder and there are more differences, and sometimes you aren’t able to communicate this way. The same goes with i.e. Croatian or Bulgarian.

Don’t get me wrong, dear friends from Russia (if anyone from Russia will ever read this). I’m pissed off because even though Smeyer created not one, but four characters with SLOVAKIAN origin, she didn't use at least one name which fully originated in that territories (and probably was used) around 1000 AD. She went for Russian names because, sure, let's do that, there's no big difference anyway and it’s easier. To add to that, Smeyer used Russian names which are widely used NOWADAYS, not ones which were probably popular (or just used) thousand years ago. 

Now, quick briefing on very popular names from that time (c. 1000 AD) in Slovakia and Czech Republic. 

Here’s the full article on Slavic names.  

While some of these names are used today, some of them aren’t at all or are used in a different, more evolved form. 

Now, to the names of our characters. The most explainable and justified name here is Kate’s name. In Twilight Wiki we can find that her actual name was Katrina and that her preferable name now is Kate. Let’s see the origins of the name Kate. 

Full article here. 

While we can read that variations of that name in Czech are: “ Katka, Kateřina, Kačka, Káťa, Kačenka, Káča, Kačí, Kačena” and in Slovakian “Katka, Katarína” still the origins aren’t Slavic. 

Next, Irina. 

As Wikipedia says:

Irina is a feminine given name of Ancient Greek origin, commonly borne by followers of the Eastern Orthodox Church. It is derived from Eirene (Ancient Greek: Εἰρήνη), an ancient Greek goddess, personification of peace.

Diminutive forms in Slavic languages include Ira, Irinka, Irinushka, Irisha, Irka, Irochka, Irinochka.

Here, we also don’t have Slavic origin. While it’s better than with Kate’s name because origins here seem to hugely blend, the proper origin of Irina’s name is Ancient Greek. I will never believe that a peasant girl from around 1000 AD was named Irina.

Here’s the full article. 

Next, Vasilli. 

Wikipedia doesn’t say much, except it’s a RUSSIAN NAME with Greek origin.

Full article here. 

Now, finally, we’ve two names left. First, Sasha. 

Finally, first one, which has Slavic origin. And while this name has many variations in many languages, I don’t believe that anyone in Slovakia prior to 1000 AD would name their child Sasha. This name gained popularity in 1970s, and I believe that it would be used rather as diminutive of a name in 1000 AD than a name itself. 

Full article here. 

Last, but not least, Tanya. 

Here, also, it isn’t a full name. Full name is Tatiana, and Tanya, especially in Slavic it is used as a nickname implying intimacy with the person OR used for baby talk. 

Full article here. 

What’s my point here? Even though two of these five names are partially Slavic in origin, they sound like Russian names. Not Eastern Slavic in one fucking bit. Sure, Smeyer could do a simplification and say that, yeah, girls acquired other names as centuries passed. Agreed, even strongly. 

BUT

Smeyer never said anything like this. Also, I’m under the impression that this names were meant to sound Russian. And, people, don’t get me wrong, I really hold nothing against Russians, but because of doing such thing Smeyer has perpetuated certain patterns and beliefs that have become firmly established in US culture and West culture in general by now. 

No wonder why some people never distinguish between Russia, Slovakia, Poland, Czech Republic or Ukraine, or other countries from Easter Bloc. How can they, where in majority of mass media they’re taught that IT IS EXACTLY THE SAME THING. Why should they bother? 

I have many friends among Slovakian people. Slovakia is like a second home to me. I also have a few friends from Czech Republic. And before, I’ve never been bothered by this name thing because I was a child. Today I couldn’t be silent about it. 

It’s sad that another culture and fantastic history was just blended in with Russia because why not. I don’t understand why in Western movies or books all people from former Eastern Bloc need to be Russian. 

I am Polish and to me it’s just extremely sad. We (and I think I can count in here Slovakia, Czech Republic, Hungary, but also Croatia or Serbia) have fantastic culture and very long, eventful history. People from these countries are welcoming and share great hospitality. 

I don’t know why Smeyer did something like this, but I suppose it’s just a thing she does to everyone. Rip away their culture and pretend she didn’t do it. 

I am grateful that this fandom is a lot wiser than the creator of the books. This is what I said in the beginning of this post. Smeyer could’ve gone to library and read a little about the history and the names. I mean, If she didn’t found it on the Internet, because it was 2006, I believe, so she could research it. If there was nothing on the Internet, I’m sure a library would do. 

She did a poor research or didn’t do it at all. And that’s what happened. Was it worth it? I don’t think so. 

***

Everyone, please, comment, but be kind to each other (and to me xd). I wrote what I felt. As I’ve told you already, I’m Polish and I really felt that I should write this meta/disclaimer from a point of view of a person who lives in Slavic-origined country and has many Slavic-origined friends.

I still feel triggered because of this. Reblog this so others could see and say what they think. 

#twilight meta #slavic culture #polish culture #history #cultural and historical references in twilight #smeyer being an ignorant discourse #smeyer nonsense #this woman is bound to white supermacy #Slavic names #Polish & Slovakian historical background #twilight revival #the twilight saga #smeyer cannot use library properly #neither can she use internet #slovakian culture #why the fuck should you confuse Slovakian people with Russian people? #Hungary mentioned #twilight #twilight saga