Choking Safety
I've been seeing some kind of scare-mongering type posts going around about choking during sex, so I wanted to address how to approach choking in a safe way.
Choking is not a 0 risk activity, but it is also not so dangerous that you will just randomly die either. Anyone who does martial arts will confirm that thousands of teenagers are being successfully trained to choke each other safely (for self defense) every day! There's no reason you can't learn to do it too.
First you should be familiar with some basic anatomy of the neck and throat:
The carotid veins on both sides of the neck and the trachea/windpipe in the center are the most important things to be aware of.
If you want to enjoy the psychological element of having someone's hands around your neck with relatively little risk, you can do "choking" play that avoids putting any pressure on those arteries or the trachea. As with all choking play, safety is highest when both parties are fully sober.
I'm not actually sure if there are people out there who are into having the windpipe or trachea blocked. This tends to hurt like fuck and cause an autonomic choking response. You'll know if you went too far center because generally the bottom will be like "WTH". I don't know if there is a way to do this play safely or not as I don't have experience with it. It probably carries some risk of the trachea collapsing which would be a hospital trip for sure.
Most choking play is done with the intention of cutting off the blood supply to the brain by applying pressure to both the left and right carotid arteries. This type of choking is not really "breath play" because of the way it works (though many people refer to it that way.) This creates a pleasant light headed feeling, but is also where the higher risk comes in. It often doesn't take long for a person to lose consciousness once these arteries are blocked, often less than 10 seconds.
Sometimes getting completely choked out is the goal, sometimes not. Either way, the top has to pay very very careful attention to every aspect of their bottom's body language. Once you realize that a person has lost consciousness, the choking must stop immediately. Because of this: the most dangerous way to do this kind of play is alone. (hence all the auto-erotic asphyxiation deaths you hear about)
It goes without saying that intoxication also dramatically increases the risks. It's not recommended to lose consciousness this way on a regular basis. It's just not good for your brain to repeatedly go through, especially in rapid succession. Generally, the more time spaced out between this type of play: the better.
Though some people may have medical conditions that make the risk higher, as long as you stop choking when you reach the desired headspace, this play is approachable. Anyone who's REALLY into the idea but feels unsure or scared, I highly recommend taking a few martial arts classes. MMA guys do this to each other all the time! For sports! The key is just stopping at the right time.
There are two main ways to go about blocking the carotid arteries. The main one used in martial arts and self defense is the rear naked choke.
This type of choke is incredible effective at choking someone out quickly and easily. The forearm and the bicep are squeezing each artery until the desired effect is achieved. The risk here is how quickly it works in combination with not being able to have a visual on your bottom's facial response.
When someone loses consciousness they will go limp and begin twitching somewhat. This is normal, and you should stop immediately if you notice those signs.
The more common method of choking play during sex is what looks more like typical choking. Facing your partner, using both hands.
You want to find the arteries with both hands, and use the meat at the base of your thumbs to apply gradually increasing pressure upwards towards your partner's head. You can keep the thumbs tucked to avoid accidental pressure on the windpipe. (Though this is not required so long as you remember not to apply pressure to the windpipe.)
This type of play has a few safety benefits. First, you can see your partner's face so it's more obvious when you can see they've hit a headspace that is desirable.
Additionally, it's just a little more difficult to find the arteries and push up on them correctly. If your goal is to get a little light headed without losing consciousness, this is more easily accomplished with this type of choke. However, losing consciousness is still a risk and both partners being fully alert will ensure the lowest risk environment.
I know choking play is incredibly popular, even 'vanilla' people participate in this type of play on a regular basis without really knowing the technical details. Most of them don't get seriously hurt...but knowing what you're actually doing with risky play is a base component of risk aware consensual kink.
Anyway I hope people find this helpful! Happy choking!!
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𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐚𝐲?
✰ characters ✰ 𝐆. 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐮, 𝐆. 𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮, 𝐅. 𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢, 𝐒. 𝐑𝐲𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧, 𝐍. 𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨, 𝐊. 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐨
✰ summary ✰ them overhearing you say you can take all of them at once (f!reader)
✰ tags/warnings ✰ kissing, teasing, biting, nipple play, biting, pussy licking
✰ kyun’s note ✰ this took a lot out of me, part 2 will be posted when I wake up because apparently there is a word count and I’m too tired to do anything about that right now. the tags will correspond to what part they are in so that’s why the tags look different than in the original outline. the taglist will stay the same with each part
maybe you should have been quieter
maybe you should have make sure nobody was around to hear you
maybe you should have declined their offer and went home to complete your assignments
maybe you’ll regret it in the morning when the pain settles in but that’s a problem for the you of tomorrow
it all started with a whispered comment you shared with your friends, while you watched gojo and geto walk past, you had said that you would let their whole friend group have their way with you unknowing of gojo’s impeccable hearing. you went on a tangent going into detail about all the things you would let them do to you letting the list drag on, shamelessly sharing your desires of all of them. that is until you felt an unfamiliar presence behind you placing their hands on your shoulder causing you to stop your rambling.
not daring to turn around after seeing the long nimble fingers resting on your shoulders as well as the way your friend was looking up at him with wide eyes, there was no doubt in your mind that the sweet scent coming from behind you belonged to gojo. “oh no, don’t stop on my account keep going. I’d love to hear more about what you’d let me do to you” the playful tone in his voice has you thinking that maybe he’ll let you off and move on. its not until he sits down in front of you, one leg over the bench mirroring your position, that you realise he wont leave without getting what he wants.
you try to slide back from him only to collide back into what you can only assume is geto’s firm chest. you have no clue as to when he sat behind you and you barely have to time to process his closeness before he speaks “theres no need to run away from us, we only want to hear what you have to say” his hand snakes around your waist holding you in place his low voice almost hypnotic as his friend flashes his pearly white seemingly innocent smile at you. you’re basically sandwiched in between them and you’re sure that your heart is beating loud enough for them both to hear.
your tongue is dry inside you mouth as you slowly start running out of ways in your head to avoid having to continue your speech. “I’m sure you’ve heard enough already I doubt theres anymore you’d wanna hear from me. I was finished anyway” you hope that’s enough for them but with the way gojo’s smile turn into a devious smirk you can tell they’re not gong to let you off the hook so easily. “oh really, cause if I can recall I remember you saying you’d let me use my fingers to choke you while I fuck you from behind, isn’t that right?”
he doesn’t even blush at his your vulgar statement while holding up his fingers in front of your face curling them into a c-shape as if to act out what he said, his predatory smile back in place. your eyes follow his hands as they drop back in front of him, he gives you a moment before turning his head to the side reminding you of his question but his companion answers for him. “i know what i heard, she also mentioned being spit roasted by both of us, if I’m not mistaken” he’s not and you’re starting to winder just how much they heard you say, you wouldn’t be surprised if they has heard all of it.
without at moments fail they begin to recite you every word, gojo making all sorts of obscene hand gestures while he speaks and you try to hang your head down in shame but gojo’s surprisingly warm hand lifts it up by your chin a small pout on his face “no need to hide princess, we’re only teasing. we’ll stop if you don’t like it” it kind of shocks you that he’s being considerate, considering all the stories you’ve heard of him have been about him being selfish. “not to say that we wouldn’t take you up on your offer is that’s what it is. i’m sure the others wouldnt mind either”
if gojos hand hadn’t already lifted you head you’re sure you would have gained whiplash from the way his friends statement has you turning your head to him with wide eyes. surely he must be joking right? theres no way that all of his friends would agree to live out all your fantasies with them. however the look on his normally impassive dace tell you that he’s serious, he was never known to be a joker anyway leaving all of that to gojo. “he’s serious ya’ know. I’m sure the others would be up for it, however it’s all up to you of course,” he waits before rephrasing his question “so? you up for it?”
you’re unsure as to whether you should accept his proposal or not but from what you’ve heard you’ve sure that you would regret it for the rest of you life if you rejected them now. “I mean if you’re really willing to then I guess I’m okay with it” you shrug and gojo’s toothy smile was back on his face in a flash as well as the hand behind you squeezing your waist gently, you had almost forgot that it was there. “perfect just give me your number and I’ll sort out the details” he hands you his unlocked phone and you type your number in it before handing it back to him. “perfect, I’ll see ya later princess”
he’s up and off just as quick as he came to sit down his companion following in suit both of them walking away side by side unknowing of the mess they just created in you head. it’s not a second later that you remember your friend and turn back to she see her sitting there with the same shocked expression as you except while your mouth was left gaping hers was raised into a crazed grin. having sat there throughout the whole interaction, you’re surprised she didn’t interrupt. the two of you leave your spot fawning over your predicament until you get a message from an unknown number with an address and time sent off with a blue heart emoji blue.
you quickly save his number and part with your friend leaving for your last lesson of the day, anticipation killing you all throughout the lecture. it’s no lie to say you almost run outside the room when the session finishes making your way home to freshen up and get ready. gojo had told you to be at his place by 4:30 earliest so you still had some time before you had to be there, plus you didn’t want to arrive early and seem to desperate even though you were. so you took your time getting ready making sure everything was making sure to pick out something comfortable to wear.
you had spent part of your afternoon in the shower making sure you were smooth as silk, washing yourself off with your favourite scented soap. making sure to rub cream into all parts of your skinthe time went by quick and before you knew it it was 4:28. you didn’t realise how long it took you to get ready but at least you knew that your were prepared enough. you search up the address gojo gave you and make your way there with slow steps giving yourself enough time to think through your life choices. you manage not to talk yourself out of it and soon enough you’re standing in front of their house.
before you chicken out at the latest second you quickly ring the doorbell and seal your fate, it’s not long before you hear steps coming your way making your heart beat faster. the door soon swings open slowly to reveal geto smiling down at you “glad you decided to come, have any trouble finding the house?” he steps aside you let you in closing the door behind you. in all honesty your surprised with the state of the house, you would expect it to be messy considering all the parties they’re said to have but it’s relatively clean bar a couple of cups on the living room table that geto leads you to.
“no it was a quick journey. why wouldn’t I come?” who in their right mind would turn down a chance to fuck the hottest guys on campus. you take a seat on the black leather sofa positioned in front of the wide inch tv and almost flinch when geto sits almost directly next to you. “it didn’t seem like you were to keen back at the table, I thought me might have come on to swing and scared you off” he picks up the remote from somewhere and turns on the tv, flicking through some channels he looks back to you with a reassuring smile. “you can still back out it you want the guys won’t mind”
“no, I’m sure. I’m just a little nervous is all, it’s my first time doing something…” you trail off at the end not sure how to phrase it but geto picks up for you “you mean you’ve never fucked this many people at once?” you can hear the smirk in his voice without looking at him and it’s clear as day that he’s teasing you “yeah, exactly that. but I’m sure you guys will make it worth my while won’t you?” you turn to look at him with an unwavering and seductive stare not planning on letting have all the fun. it’s seem to have caught him off guard with they way his eyes widen a little bit at your boldness.
seeing that your earlier nerves have dissipated he seems a little more eager to get started on your plans, placing your legs over his spread ones massaging his hand over your inner thigh slowly edging his hand further up. you part your legs a little to give him more access and use your arm to bring him into a kiss which he more than happily accepts. your lips melt against when he begins to deepen the kiss licking his way into your mouth. it’s only a second later that you realise the cold sensation you feel is his tongue piercing, which you didnt realise he had, mapping out the inside of your mouth.
he soon becomes impatient and pulls you on top of him without breaking the kiss, leaving you flush against him full body pressing down on his. he sucks in the small moan you let out when you fell his erection through the fabric of your clothes pressing directly into your cunt. even without opening your eyes you can feel him smirk into the kiss knowing that he’s having an affect on you. deciding that you won’t let him be the only one unaffected you roll your hips down into his, threading your hand into his tied up hair gripping onto it tightly and it’s a delight to hear the sharp “fuck” he lets out.
you pull back from the kiss leaving small trail of saliva connecting both of you lips for a second as you let out a small yelp when both his hand come down and slap your ass. the both of you are now breathing heavily trying to regain some air, staring at each other with lust blown eyes when he recovers. using his hands to keep you still he grinds his hips up into yours. “it’s cute that you’re trying to take control but just leave everything to me princess, I’ll make you feel good” you have half a mind to nod your head when he uses both his hands to grip your ass, squeezing sporadically.
just as you’re about to lean down and kiss him again you’re interrupted by an exaggerated gasp behind geto only to find gojo standing by the stairs surely hiding a grin behind his hinds that are clasped over his mouth. “how could you two start without me” you’re about to apologise but geto stops you, “ignore him” pressing kisses into the side of your neck while sliding a cold hand up your shirt sending a shiver down your spine. you’re so distracted by the feeling of geto’s soft lips on your skin that you hardly notice when gojo ends up kneeling next the the two of you on the sofa.
you’re startled by the sudden contrast of geto’s cold hands to gojo’s warm ones turning your head to his direction, looking at you with his now familiar predatory grin, “I could hear your cute little noises from upstairs, is he making you feels good?” your response is cut off by a moan as geto rolls his hips into yours again, “stop talking and make better use of your mouth” he says without his lips leaving your neck and you watch as gojo rolls his eyes playfully but complies with his friends command with a silent whisper of “so bossy” before leaning down and latching his lips onto yours.
unlike geto whose kiss was more rough and impatient, gojo focuses his attention on teasing you endlessly. gently brushing his lips against yours slowly pulling away, revelling in the way you try to chase his lips with a whine only to be pulled back by an annoyed geto. “I thought I told you to be useful?” he spans his attention back to you gesturing at your top lifting it slightly, agreeing you lift your shirt off and throw it behind you. gojo’s quick to unclasp your bra, taking it off to drop on top of your shirt. “yeah yeah whatever” he makes quick work of sucking your nipple into his mouth, biting down hard.
you arch into his touch while geto holds you down by your hips, flicking your other nipples while he watches your face contort into pleasure. it’s like the both of them are competing to see who can get the better reaction out of you, the near constant rolling of geto’s hips into yours versus how gojo relentlessly bites and sucks on your nipple. their more than experienced hands start to roam your body and you’re now starting to believe all the rumours that were said about them. if it feels this good with just the two of them you wonder what it’ll be like with the rest of them.
just as the thought passes you hear someone come through the front door and you try to look but you’re stopped as geto pulls you into another sloppy kiss. “impatient fucks, I thought you said you were gonna wait until we all got here” the voice comes closer but getos lips are still locked with yours and you cant bear to break the kiss. that is until a thick hand hooks around your neck from behind you pulling you away from geto’s lips. he turns you to face him and youre met with toji’s mocking grin. “she looks gone already, fuck what did you two do to her” he inspects you face for a second before letting go.
“nothing she hasn’t thought about before,” gojo smiles as he turns to you “isnt that right princess?” you don’t trust your voice enough to speak so a weak nod is all that you can manage, seeming to have accepted the response toji lets go of you neck and you already miss the heated grip around your neck as you subconsciously try to lean back into the touch which earns you a laugh from the trio. “seems like she’s tired of you two, how about you come upstairs with me?” not that you’re given a chance to answer as he effortlessly picks you up from geto holding you bridal style in your half-naked state.
you can feel his thick muscles flexing under you as he adjusts his hold while he ignores the protests from the other two men trailing behind him. he makes sure to watch where hes going when he walks so it gives you a chance to study his features. this is the closest that you’ve ever been up to him, sure you’ve seen pictures and caught glimpses of him around campus but seeing something in person is different, especially the fact that you cant smell through pictures. god he smells so fucking good. you can even see the thin layer of sweat over he exposed neck, probably having just come back from exercise.
I wanna lick the sweat off him, wonder if he’d let me. due to your gaze being lowered you failed to notice him smiling down at you. “I’d let you do anything you fucking want sweet cheeks, s’long as you let me get a taste of you first” your head snaps up to him, eyes widening in shock not realising you had said that out loud. ‘I really have an issue keeping my mouth shut don’t i- hold on’ “sweet cheeks?”. he chuckles deeply and you can fell the vibration coming off his thick chest. “s’there a problem? anyone with eyes can see a great piece of ass, I’m just the lucky guy that gets to have it”
in the few seconds the interaction had happen toji had managed to open a door, entering a room and practically tossing you onto the edge of a neatly spread bed. looking around you can gather that it’s probably a guest bedroom. the other two enter only shortly “we weren’t doing with her yet” gojo complains. “not my problem, it’s my turn now” in a quick motion he pulls his tank over his head snd gets down on his knees in front of you. “now how about we get rid of these,” without asking he pulls down your joggers and panties in one fluid motion leaving you bare in front of them. “that’s better”
you try to close your legs in modesty but toji stops you by spreading your legs wider than before with both hands “keep ‘em nice and wide for me,” he lets a hand slide down almost reaching your inviting pussy “keep ‘em and I’ll stop yeah?” you not airily hoping he’ll finally start but he doesn’t move clearly waiting for something else “I need words cheeks” you let out a frustrated groan before complying with his request. “I won’t close them just fucking do something already” his eyes look shocked but he grins at your boldness, however both geto and gojo, aquatinted with you sass, just laugh.
“such a needy cunt you have, can’t wait to be stuffed full” he slides both hands under your thighs and pulls you directly in front of him, leaning back and resting on your elbows waiting for what he’s for what he’s going to do next. you let out a whimper, relieved to finally be touched, when he runs two fingers up your pussy collecting your juices on his fingers and sucks them into him mouth ands moans at the taste while maintaining eye contact with you. “tastes better than I imagined, ‘toru come here” you’re suddenly reminded of the other two’s presence at the mention of his name.
its takes a second for you to notice that geto isn't standing were he was before until the bed dips behind you and your raised to lean against is chest, trying to look back at him but his cold hands lower your gaze down to were gojo is not knelt between your legs alongside toji. "keep your eyes on them, don't pay attention to me" his sonorous voice sends chills down your bare neck while you turn your attention back to the, now two, boys below you. gojo starts tailing kisses up your thighs looking up at you through his platinum lashes until toji pulls him back with a firm tug of is hair that as him letting out a grunt
"i didn't say you could touch did i?" watching as the two men stare at each other, you let out a whine at the sudden loss of touch but its quickly replaced by geto's cold fingers tweaking your nipple "be patient you'll get what you want soon enough" you're now left with both legs spread wide over geto's, almost begging for someone to do something, anything at this point. luckily your prayers are answered when geto runs a ands down your abdomen pressing a wet kiss to your neck "you do know its rude to keep your guests waiting right?"
at his reminder both men turn back to you with similar grins on their faces, though toji doesn't release his grip on gojo's hair he quickly whisper something into is ear that you cant hear before turning back to you "my bad, 's just that this little bitch as no patience 'n doesn't know how to listen". geto ignores then and turns your head towards him while the other one pinch and roll your nipple between is fingers, latching his lips onto yours in a wet kiss eliciting a moan from you, which distracts you from the other two. your eyes shoot back open, a hot tongue is presses flat against your pussy.
𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
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What is your favorite worm. What's your favorite crustacean. What's your favorite true bug. What's your favorite parasite. What's your favorite non-true bug insect?
Oh gosh you're asking all the wrong questions-- I'm a herpetologist, and I've never really been particularly interested in anything without a spine. Nevertheless, I shall try to answer to the best of my ability.
Favorite worm: Giant tube worms, because they live near volcanic vents and basically live off the sulfer, which is crazy!
2. Favorite crustaceans: Japanese spider crabs; when I was a kid I could spend ages watching them at the Shedd Aquarium. I love their long legs!
3. Favorite true bug: Annual cicadas, because I always associate them with summer (although stepping on their old shells was. unpleasant.)
4. Favorite parasite: Parasitoid wasps; I think their method of parasitism (laying their eggs in or on other arthropods) is really neat!
5. Favorite non-true bug insect (not a fair question imo, considering how many species are included): Probably fireflies, again because I associate them with summer-- when I was a kid I'd see how many I could catch before it got too dark.
And there you have it! I'll admit some of these were easier to answer than others; as I said, inverts are not my specialty by any means. But this was a lot of fun to answer, even if I did have to look up a few things!
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AITA for wanting to spend a night out with a guy?
I'm twenty, study in university and still live with my parents. I've been planning to move out since I was eighteen, but they told me to keep living at home and not get a job so I could focus on studying while they take care of me financially. This arrangement has worked mostly well in the past years save for a few small conflicts, but it's escalated in the past 3-4 months.
The issue is my time schedule. I have a very active social life, am active in the local art scene, do political work and a lot of extracurricular stuff for university (I'm a straight A student, I might add!). Because of this, and because I'm a natural night owl, I usually come home late several days a week (between 10pm and 2am) and stay out all day for most of the week. This means I can't do a lot of chores, and usually there's a lot of housework because my mum has a bit of a cleaning anxiety and wants to make sure everything is spotless 24/7.
Enter this guy, I'll call him Tim. I met him at a festival last summer and we became long distance friends. Tim has visited me for a day several times before, but this weekend he offered to come over for two days and we agreed to spend the night stargazing together without sleeping. I loved the idea and immediately said yes. It was gonna be just us, a couple energy drinks, and some bench in the city center, and I was really looking forward to it.
The thing is, my mum does not like Tim. Like, at all. She thinks he seems very sleazy and generally distrusts him because he feels "too nice" for her. Mind you, he's just a somewhat shady looking guy who is generally pretty anxious he might make a bad impression, so he overperforms the whole "respectable member of society" act a bit around new people. I've introduced him to my friend group and even the more sceptical people absolutely love him and think he's a very sweet, helpful person. In basically every stressful situation I've ever seen him in he's been deescalating, protective and helpful, and he has on several occasions been my first source of comfort when things went to hell.
Today I told my mum in an offhanded comment that I won't come home between Sunday and Monday and the situation escalated completely. She was crying, accusing me of ruining her month, saying I didn't care about this family, it got ugly. The main point she had was that I was staying out all night with someone who's a total stranger to her and she doesn't trust him at all. In the end we compromised that Tim and I would spend the night awake, but not in the city, at home.
I feel really humiliated by this whole situation and honestly, kind of betrayed, because I was promised stuff like this wouldn't happen, and it just hits in a much safer situation than ones I've been in before (I used to get blackout drunk and sleep at parties a lot.). I'm a legal adult, have been for years now and it's so disappointing that my parents still treat me like a child sometimes and are so judgy towards my friends too. At the same time, I'm wondering whether I've acted wrong too by not telling her about this earlier and not taking her concerns that seriously. I forget sometimes that I talk to Tim every day for hours, but my parents only briefly ran into him once, so of course their view of him is skewed.
PS: I should add that when I told him about this, he immediately apologized, asked if I needed anything or wanted to change the plan and decided to dig out the least offensive outfit he could find so he'd make a good impression on my parents. So he's definitely trying his best.
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how hard(?) would you say it is to translate? Ive been kinda curious about that, like does anything get lost in translation/ just not make that much sense without knowing the og language? or anything like that? 🤔
Hm, maybe 7 or 8 on a scale of 10? Though it can easily go higher at times, haha. (Always when Sung Hyunjae is in a scene because his name is a misspelling and it pisses me off.* This is a joke. Only half, though.) Basic word-by-word dictionary lookup is simple, which is why machine translators can do it well enough. But then you have to string all of it together in a sentence where you:
figure out and find a way to convey any difference in connotation between this specific chosen word and other words that mean the same thing (think the connotations of "regal" VS "royal" in English), and
do the same as above, but on a sentence-wide level translating the nuance of a particular grammar/sentence structure (thousand and one sentence endings in Korean, I swear -_-), and
make sure distinct character voices are retained or translated from the original Korean (think Song Taewon's stiff formality VS Han Yoojin's more casual speech VS Sung Hyunjae's middle-aged rich guy-type speech), and
make sure this sentence flows with the overall paragraph/chapter.
All those priorities have to be juggled throughout the chapter and add up to make it a fairly hard task. It definitely gets easier with practice once you're more familiar with the language (especially the nuance/connotation stuff), though, and I did get lucky in that my native language shares some aspects with Korean so the grammar is easier to intuitively grasp. Of course, I'm still learning, so I do have times I need to call in more experienced speakers for help.
(I definitely wouldn't say I'm good with the language period. Recently I've tentatively picked up a new novel—people following my personal blog will know which one—and it turns out I'm familiar with the way Geunseo talks and familiar with the vocabulary typical to dungeon fantasy novels, but kind of. Majorly hopeless when it comes to other stuff. The phrasing is juuust off enough that I keep getting tripped up and taking thrice as long to understand what's being said.)
There's definitely stuff that wouldn't make sense in English—certain idioms, cultural stuff, and all that, but that's why I try to localize wherever possible and add footnotes with relevant info/links if not. And there is stuff that gets lost in translation—you can look at the chapter titles from 302–307 for an example of that, where the joke is much more immediately obvious in Korean but had to be translated differently as chapter title VS in-chapter text messages and lost the clear parallel. I also remember being grumpy back during the virtual reality dungeon arc because Yoohyun would use 네놈 (ne-nom but typically pronounced ni-nom, a derogatory way to say "you", LMAO) towards Sigma and there was no concise way to get that across in English except having him be aggressive and direct. Especially since he isn't the type to swear by word of god, so I couldn't have him addressing him with "asshole" or "jerk" to convey it.
TL;DR: Fairly hard to translate, but gets easier with time, and there is stuff that's lost or difficult to understand, but I do what I can to make it understandable in English!
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* Sung Hyunjae uses "ae" at the end, but that implies it's 성현재, which is wrong—the correct spelling is 성현제, which should be "Sung Hyunje". (If you wanted to go the full Revised Romanization route, it'd be Seong Hyeonje, but I've weathered my share of name changes and that's a step too far even for me.) I've been meaning to make a poll about changing it like with the Lauchitas spelling, but I keep forgetting.
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what does the grooming process look like for stellina and kep?
my 'process" for grooming is very much what i would call 'poor man's dog training':
get a silicone lick-mat
apply peanut butter very generously
slap that bad boy onto the front of the fridge/kitchen appliances at dog eye-level
groom while they're distracted
i start this process day 1 as puppies and continue it through their whole lives. should i actually be putting in the effort to actually train them to stand still and quietly for grooming without the need for food distraction? yes. do i? no i'm lazy.
or if you're asking about like, what grooming i'm actually doing:
hair: i do an all-over brush at least once a week (should do twice but again, lazy and not needed). takes like 20-30 mins. my 'schedule' for brushing is basically this:
red areas (behind ears, arm/legpits) are high-friction and very prone to matting. these you have to brush out at least once a week, no exceptions, or you will get mats. this is also very sensitive skin so it's good to desensitize them to brushing as much as you can.
yellow areas should be brushed at least once weekly to comb out any tangles and debris, but are less prone to matting.
and then the rest of them i'll brush through but that's about it, that part pretty much never tangles.
i normally just use a pin brush and slicker brush, and a metal comb for the yellow/red areas. sometimes an undercoat rake if they're very sheddy.
collies are 'dry' dogs - they don't really drool, and they don't have the oily waterproof coat that breeds like a lab or hound does, so they're naturally low-odor without much of a 'doggy' smell. i'll bathe every 4-8 weeks depending on what the weather's like and if their skin seems like it's getting cruddy. 2-3 times a year i'll take them to a groomer to have them do a 'deshed' treatment where they really blow out the undercoat, because this makes a huge difference in keeping them comfortable in the heat, and in how much hair i have to vacuum.
for stellina i've also been getting an outline trim (shortening up the yellow areas on the pic with long feathering) in spring and fall, it just keeps things cleaner and it makes a huge difference in the amount of time i have to spend brushing.
feet: i dremel nails every week, same PB-mat method as with brushing. every week is probably overkill but i think it's good desensitization and also i hate long nails on dogs so i'm a bit anal about it. collies tend to get long hair on the feet/between the pads, some people like the 'grinch feet' look but personally i fucking hate it so every 4-6 weeks i just take round-tip scissors and clean them up.
other: the rest i do as needed, e.g. if i see any wax/debris in the ears i'll do a clean with OTC ear cleaner and a cotton ball. one of stellina's eyes tends to be teary, so about once a week i take a warm washcloth and wipe them down to prevent tear stains. and then i vacuum my house weekly, sometimes every 2 weeks if it's not too bad.
honestly i'm writing a lot but what i've listed here is way less than 1 hour a week on average, collies IMO are not particularly high-grooming needs dogs (compared to, say, a doodle or OES that needs daily brushing and regular professional grooming). i find the grooming and hair totally manageable. i honestly prefer dealing with long hair because it tends to clump together on the ground, rather than short hairs that fly and scatter into everything. people tend to see roughs and go 'oh no way too much hair' but like, it is super manageable as long as you've got half an hour at some point each week to brush your dog. i'm very obsessive about my pets being 'neat' and i do fine.
sorry for the incredibly overly-long answer to your very simple ask lmao
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Bryan Kneef NSFW Alphabet
Bryan Kneef x reader
Warnings: so much smut, so many kinks, dirty derogatory talk, teasing, threesomes, edging, masturbation. y'all know the drill lol.
I don't remember if this was requested. It's been sitting in my wips for MONTHS now and I figured I should finally finish it.
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
It mainly depends on the setting, if Bryan takes someone home, or is in someone’s bed he’ll give the minimal amount of cuddles he needs. He doesn’t like to, but he knows with the amount of bdsm kinky things he’s into he needs to make sure his partner is okay afterwards, no matter what level of involved they are. He’ll usually wait til she’s asleep and then sneak out. If you’re in a committed relationship he’s going to be incredibly gentle, if its not too late he loves to take a bath with you, watching the hickeys and marks on your skin darken as he holds you under the water, enjoying the relaxation himself.
B = Body part (your favourite body part of theirs and theirs of yours)
He adores your ass. I mean, he loves all of your body, tits, hips, calves, lips, but your ass is something he can never get enough of. Grabbing it, squeezing it, fucking it, he’s all about ass.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Bryan loves to cum deep inside you, and adores watching the cum leak out of you, fucking it back into your cunt with his fingers, a toy or his cock (this is of course as long as your on BC or he’s snipped, he aint about that baby life). He also loves coming on your face, basically anything with cum, the messier the better.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
He will sub for the right person, and will gladly get pegged and he absolutely adores it
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
He’s *very* experienced. He knows exactly how to seduce someone and exactly how to please them, and just the best way to get himself off. Name something and he’s likely tried it. He’s afraid of basically nothing and is always down to explore kinks or walk someone down that road.
F = Favourite position (this goes without saying) Doggy. There’s no doubt. He loves to watch your ass, thrust a thumb into your ass as he fucks you, pull you flush against him, hand wrapping around your throat as he pounds into you from behind.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
He’s more serious. A few little chuckles here and there before he’s done with it. Though if he’s actually with someone he’ll be more goofy in the moment, but even with someone he loves he’s sill gonna be more serious.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Bryan likes to sleep around, he’s a playboy and that kind of intimacy doesn’t even become part of the conversation until he’s sure that he wants to pursue a relationship with someone or if he knows that from the start and is “courting” them instead of seducing them. Ya get me? Lol. If he sees you and knows instantly you’re more than a quick fuck he’s gonna pull out all the stops, rose petals on the bed for the first night you sleep together and shit.
J = Jack off (masturbation head canon)
Likely daily. Morning wood taken care of in the shower. In the evening’s he’ll strip down and get into bed, getting super comfortable, drink in one hand, cock in the other as he turns on porn and watches for a few hours. Most nights it’s gonna be a long run, teasing himself until he can’t hold back anymore.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
It would literally be easier to list the things he’s *not* into LOL. Bryan’s all about the BDSM community, he likes to tie you up, use a crop to spank you, all about the toys for both you and him. Pet play is something he enjoys, and you just have to know this man has a dirty kink.
L = Location (favourite places to do the do)
He knows he has to be somewhat careful due to his job/image, but he’ll likely fuck you anywhere. He’s a bit of a exhibitionist, loves fucking you up against the windows, bent over his desk, the bathroom at a bar, in the shower at home, over the kitchen island, on the couch.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
A number of things! He particularly enjoys you in lingerie, or little hints of it peeking out from under your clothes. Skirt riding up just enough to see the top of your thigh highs, bending over just enough so he can see the red lace under your shirt. Coming home to find you half or fully naked in his bed. Getting sent racy texts or photos is what really gets him going. He’s also the one that gets horny jealous. If he sees you flirting with another man/getting hit on by another man you just know he’s going to take you home (or to the nearest private space) and is gonna remind you who you belong to and why.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
There may be a lot he’ll experiment with but I’m gonna say that scat play is past his limit.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
He loves pussy but he absolutely loves getting his dick sucked, there’s just nothing comparable to it. The image of you on your knees in front of him makes him instantly hard, and he obviously likes them messy. Likes when you spit into your hand before stroking his cock, loves fucking your face, drool dripping down your chin, thrusting so deep into your throat you’re gagging around him, eyes watering, mascara running. The more ruined you are by the end of it the better.
When it comes to giving, he is good at it and knows what he’s doing, but it’s a step that he’ll skip for his quick hook ups.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Fast and rough 99% of the time. He likes it hard, he likes to fuck you senseless, deep and hard enough that you’re going to be feeling it for the rest of the week.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Absolutely fucking adores them. Quickie in the shower, quickie in the morning once he sees the lingerie you’re wearing. Sees you in a fancy dress for a gala? Gonna fuck you in the backseat of the car on the way there. Office quickie? You bet.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Absolute risk taker. He’s always game to experiment and try out something new. He’s only turned down a couple of things over the years and that’s cause they were super fucking weird. He’s more than willing to role play, for you to dress up, or recreate porn you’ve watched together. And he’s obviously not against fucking in public.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
He can last a decent amount of time. Long enough for the foreplay, for you to suck his dick and then to fuck you into next week. If he is starting to get tired, or it’s been a longer day, he’ll make you ride him a while before he dicks you down. As for rounds, he can go all night, but he’s gonna need a bit longer of a break between turns, and he loves to cock warm you during those.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
This man has a toy collection big enough to rival your own, maybe even bigger. He’s got a couple of vibes to help out when his hands get tired, or the position means he can’t really reach your clit. He’s definitely got one that sits in your panties and rubs on your clit that he has the remote to. Same with an internal one of the same. He’s got butt plugs of varying sizes, at least one dildo so he can fully double penetrate you without having someone else there. He’s definitely got a couple of cock rings and at least one of them vibrates. He’s also not afraid of his own ass being played with, so he’s got toys for that too.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
He’s the ultimate tease. Fantastic with words, sexts, and dirty talk he’ll have you absolutely dripping and whining for him and he’ll still make you choke on his cock, grinding on his shoe before he’ll touch you. And if you’ve been the one teasing him and riling him up all day, you better believe that he’s not letting you come, he’ll wait til you’re right on the brink and then completely stop. As long as he’s come himself, he’s not touching you and you just know you’re not allowed to touch yourself for the next week. (but he’ll use you however he wants to in that time frame).
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
He’s not crazy loud, lots of groaning, grunting and swearing. But he’s also into dirty talk, and definitely leans to the derogatory side of things. Calling you his dirty whore, his little cum slut, how well you take his thick cock, how good it feels when he’s stretching you out, daddy’s needy thing.
W = Wild card (a random head canon for the character)
Loves M/M/F threesomes. Sometimes it’s the DP action, seeing two cocks stuffed tight into one hole (or two, depending) and sometimes it’s getting his ass fucked while he fucks someone else. He’s got no shame when it comes to that and will openly admit that he enjoys the company of both men and women.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
He’s thick, veiny, a shower. It’s big and he knows it.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Decently high. He likes to fuck a few times a week at the very minimum and I like to believe he’s a daily masturbator. Even on the days where he’s tired or out of it, working late or the like and doesn’t really have the yearn to fuck all it takes is you showing up in your lingerie, or naked, or getting on your knees and he’ll start to get hard.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Pretty fucking quickly, especially if he’s certain there’s no more rounds to be had, or if it’s a work night, he’s out pretty fast.
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@detective-giggles @plaidbooks @thatesqcrush @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @bisexual-dreamer02 @amelia-song-pond @madamsnape921 @whimsicallymad @mrsrafaelbarba @mysticfalls01 @ssaic-jareau @caracalwithchips @barbasbodaciousbeard @alwaysachorusgirl @beardedbarba @michael-rooker @rafivadafreddy @lustvolle-liebe @anlin2058 @fandom-princess-forevermore @tinyboxxtink @alexusonfire @xovalliegirlxo @somethingimaginative17 @momlifebehard @misscharlielulu @alcabots @kmc1989 @irishavengersassemble @louderfortheback @valentinesfrog @originalbrunettecharacter @wittygutsy
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I just got a comment saying I should have tagged for dom/sub undertones and I'm a little confused. In canon, this guy always bosses his wife around re: doing shit that's healthy for her - napping, drinking water, remembering to eat more than once a day, getting more than 3 hours of sleep - and she lovingly calls him "Boss Man" as a nickname because of it. On some occasions where she's gone more than a day without eating he'll swipe her phone and order her to eat before she gets it back, something she always seems to find endearing. There's a lot of 'I didn't mean to worry you', 'you're worth worrying about, now here's your favorite homemade walnut bread' stuff, all there in canon, just lifted from canon and transplanted into my fic.
Is this dom/sub stuff? I'm aroace so I've never been in a relationship, but I assumed "take care of yourself" "I will but I will call you a silly nickname over it" was regular relationship stuff. Or is it that the frequency of it makes it dom/sub stuff, and I'm just not grasping that because my neurodivergency is making me not read the social cues correctly? I was only recently diagnosed but this has been a problem for a long time, the whole line between normal and abnormal behavior, so I thought I'd ask you. You're much more well-read than I am and know a lot more about shipping dynamics and how they're tagged. I feel like you're an expert whose opinion carries a lot of conclusions-informed-by-knowledge and so your take could help me figure this out.
People who are doms or subs or write them, if you have a guide on this stuff, that'd be cool, too. I want to educate myself more so I know if I should tag something. After all, I can't get my story to people who want to read it if it doesn't show up in the tags they're searching for. Readers aren't mindreaders. It's on me to make sure they can get ahold of the things they're looking for. I just need to work around my own ADHD-addled brain to do it.
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I think this is the usual pattern of demanding silly tags that would only make sense in that reader's own bookmarks.
Yes, caretaking and food control of various kinds can be a part of BDSM. No, your description of canon does not make it sound like this has obvious undertones.
Readers are going to have different interpretations. It's possible that other readers would agree with this one. I have my doubts. I suspect they're projecting. But sure, maybe other people would think there was some of that vibe.
However, if you did not intend the fic to read this way, I would not add the tag. This is not what the fic is about.
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As for what this kind of thing can look like when it is intended as a dom/sub activity, the movie Secretary has a bunch of examples. She calls him on the phone to tell him what her family's dinner looks like that night; he gives her instructions about which things she can eat how much of. The way she acts while making that phone call makes it clear it's an exciting game to her. Another time, he tells her she's not allowed to cut herself anymore: he will provide what she needs.
Even if the characters are being playful, just nagging someone to do basic self care doesn't really come across as this. It's more charged when it's an intentional power exchange thing.
It's more like... hmm... if you and a friend agreed to LARP as characters for a day. Even if you were acting fairly normal and doing things you'd often do anyway, there would be this added extra vibe to it that someone who knew you well could probably detect.
It's not so much about the specific behaviors: it's about the extra meaning those people ascribe to them. If it doesn't seem like the canon characters think of this caretaking any specific way and you, as the fic author, don't see it that way, then I don't think it will generally read as a dom/sub thing to most readers.
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The whole Hybe drama is crazy let me give you the details. I will say most of this is alleged, but it's what's being said right now.
She used to work with SM, and came under fire there for apparently having photos of naked women in her office and pushing young underaged idols into doing inappropriate photoshoots while there. After SM she got hired at Source Music, they hired her as a creative director, after this all the trainees were selected, this includes NewJeans members, boys that were on Iland, and others. These trainees were trained using Source Music's money, which during this she started Ador, also using Source Music's money. She then transferred the members of NewJeans she had at that point to Ador, along with many Source Music staff members. This basically made Source Music go broke, and the group they were going to debut fell through because of this. This is around when GFriend disbanded, it is not confirmed, but it is being rumored that her actions might have something to do with the disbandment, since at that point Source Music was a sinking ship, and it's possible they thought there was no way to survive with them. At this point, Hybe transferred Big Hit employees to Source Music, and started trying to find new trainees for the girl group. That's a big reason why Le Sserafim didn't have a really long training time, since they found already skilled trainees, and already had a concept and all worked out.
She claims that she saved NewJeans and that Hybe would have ignored them if she didn't move them to Ador. She says that Le Sserafim would have debuted and then basically any other girl group would have gotten crumbs from Hybe. She was apparently really mad that Hybe selected Sakura and Chaewon to be trainees without her input, and when Hybe said they would debut, she really didn't like that, and apparently openly spoke of her hate towards the girls since according to her trainees come to be in a 'Min Heejin girl group' not a Source Music girl group.
So coming to what's going on now Hybe is doing an audit into Ador, the sublabel that Heejin is the CEO of, they have asked her to leave the label, and are reporting her to the police. Apparently Heejin had a plan to take over the Ador label fully, she tried to make the management of Ador find ways to get Hybe to give up all their shares of Ador, so she could basically take the label over fully. She owns 20% of the label while Hybe has the other 80%. She apparently was trying to find outside investors to buy those shares, the outside investors were apparently foreign investment firms she had contacted regarding this plan. Hybe has evidence that she was planning to have someone buy out Hybe's shares of Ador, if they were willing to sell them, since she was apparently stupid enough to do all that with her work computer, which like pro tip if you wanna do something illegal don't use a work computer since your work has access to everything you do on it, they claim the document was called ESCAPE PLAN DO NOT TOUCH, like pro level thinking there.
She claims that Hybe copies all her ideas, like she says Illit it a copy of NewJeans, and has also said BTS, RIIZE, and TWS are copies of her ideas, which it's been brought up that some of NewJeans concept and all are copied/influenced from other artists too, so it's rich that she claims everyone copies her, but when she copies others it's okay. She was also planning with another person to form an attack on Hybe and Hybe's artists,; she also apparently had these people leaking Hybe artist and trainees personal information, health information, and leak things about other artist in the groups she claims copied her ideas, like there is no proof right now but it's being claimed that she could behind a lot of RIIZE leaks, since Seunghan was a Source Music trainee before he was a SM trainee. She even got the members of NewJeans parents involved, by having them claim they think these groups are copying NewJeans. Hybe asked her to resign and she said no, she came out saying she filed a whistleblowing report against Hybe months ago, claiming that Belift was copying Ador. She is claiming that Hybe has been mistreating and ignoring Ador and NewJeans. She claims they never responded her to her copying claims, but Hybe has the receipts that they both sent her an email response and physical response, which she claims she never got, but Hybe has the email read receipts. Over all, she is trying to basically split Ador from Hybe, without having any sort of contract penalties.
It's being said as of right now the girls of NewJeans are siding with Heejin, but no public announcement has been made. She has openly said the girls say they back her, but if they do side with her and leave with her, they will no longer be able to be NewJeans; Hybe owns the name NewJeans, so they would have to rebrand and after a scandal like this, there is probably no coming back from it. As of right now, the best thing for them to do would be distance themselves from her, and if it comes to it, side with Hybe. But nothing has officially been announced, and their comeback plans seem to be going forward as planned.
damn that is a lot, but it's a shame they're name dropping all these groups , because it taking attention away from this , cause i didn't know any of the illegal stuff they were doing, i only saw the drama with bang pd and mhj acting like teenagers over a concept and talking about other groups , they need to stop putting groups in the middle and focus on the important stuff.
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is there anything better than remembering you have fruit in the fridge BEFORE it goes bad? sometimes life really is a bowl of cherries I guess
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Hello praying people, I'm not doing well and would really appreciate your prayers right now <3
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finally found a place to read With the Light online and i'm thrilled; if you haven't read this manga i do Legitimately recommend it
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Y’all are being subjected to my Sims 2 tests, so there
The other set of Vargases came over for a visit and Scriabin picked up Shmee and started talking to Scriabin through him. Very normal, very usual
I downloaded some circle-glasses recolours and hghghh they look so good! Closer every day to his final details! Getting ever closer!
Edgar too! I made him a custom hair with a lighter undercut - I’m mostly happy with it, probably could’ve shifted it a shade closer to his skintone but the texturing was weird no matter what :P And his stripey shirt! I wish Body Shop didn’t have that hands-on-hips pose lol, it looks so much better in-game, but that’s all the better :)
I got some new clothes for Todd as well! As soon as I saw this ‘fit I was like “Oh that’s 100% Todd there he is.” Scriadad hug ♥ So cute
Foot-dancing together stopp it’s so cute!!
The way he looks at them stoppp <3 <3 They kept doing this right up til they left for home haha, Todd’s giggles are the cutest
Used SimPE to save him to the Body Shop, I now have infinite copies of The Boyyyy ♪
Moved him in with his “parents” as just shadow people basically, they’re not gonna matter in a bit as long as I remember how to get the Social Worker/Adoption process to work properly. Get her Todd!!
Wanna play? :D
Menacing :(
Look, Todd, your new dads are here! Initially I wasn’t sure who I wanted to adopt him, got lots of options; the first passes, the married couple with their own Todd, Johnny?? He definitely doesn’t have the facilities for a child lol
But these are the ones that showed up on their own, so the married Vargases are the winners!
Scriabin cares more about him than his actual parents ;; A stranger off the street shows him more care! Not that it’s a high watermark
Look at him being a good dad!
Weh, he just wants friends ;; Poor baby
Best timeline, thank you
While we wait for CPS, let’s get some other interactions in! Nny is mean so he tended to prank the other two with a nose flick - mostly Edgar lol ♪ Now kiss
“Oh please don’t break all my bones~ :3” I love Todd looking up at them haha <3
Pffft, I think he was talking about the other Scriabin and just how attractive he is. Classic Scriabin. Alternatively, also funny to imagine him bragging himself up about how he’s just so handsome that Edgar can’t help but love him hahaha ♪
Allow me to tickle you with my KNIFE! >:D
Get a load of this guy lol
He ended up passing out at one point - I forgot which motives make CPS show up >.> - and completely 0%’d his comfort, but for some reason stargazing increased it?? It’s the same ground wh
Is two not enough to satisfy your butterfly bloodlust child?? He ended up with three, I had him release them before he was picked up by the Social Worker - success!
He rolled a new Want as soon as Todd was taken away - “Wants to see Ghost of Todd” Woah, dark! :0
And here he is on the married Vargases’ lot!! Success!! I did it right!! Heck yeah! :D Unfortunately they were uh, indisposed at the time. Good job guys pft
Goes right for Shmee, he really is Todd <3
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neurologist says my optic nerves are fine/same as last few appointments but still tells me to start taking 12 diamox a day and tells me to get out before i can ask why . also diamox like. cannot fix an issue involving my veins. but idk im not doctor so whatever
im 100% not taking 12 pills a day tho thatd hurt me. past few appointments hes just been rlly wanting me to have more diamox even tho he keeps saying im in remission but he wont answer when i ask why i need the meds then
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In this world, the storm will pass
Alec sat atop the railing of the balcony, looking up at the sky as it slowly dims to reveal the countless stars awaiting the night to be seen, to twinkle at the life below the vast sky. A cigarette placed between his lips, smoke rising up to the stars that he can only dream of reaching someday.
His eyes were vacant, what was once a vibrant blue, like the sky in a cloudless sunny day, is now merely as dull as the sky in the fog, in the stormy weather that never left. But it's getting better now. Slowly, slowly… Like clouds drifting in a windless day, moving an inch, yet moving still. Slowly… The storm will pass. But for now, he'll stay in the eye of it.
Standing beneath the stars surrounded by a quiet storm all kept inside. In this world, everything is the same, yet different. In this world, everyone is alive, safe from a greater danger than life itself. In this world, Alec is supposed to be dead, yet here he is… Someone else. In this world, his family lost Alec, yet in his world, he lost everything.
So what is he doing here then? Intruding in a world that didn't need someone like him. An Alec that was doomed to have nothing, living in a world that has moved on from Alec's death. He doesn't know, doesn't understand. He gave up understanding the world ever since that day, the day where it collapsed, leaving him with nothing but ruin. He always thought that, it would be better for him to have lost himself to the forest instead than be brought here by whatever force, whatever power, whatever God, who thought it entertaining to put him here, in this world. Is it fun? His life… to be toyed with by fate, by the world itself, is it fun? He gave up wondering about it, gave up on an answer he didn't need to hear.
Alec took a drag on his cigarette, frankly, he isn't one to smoke, he isn't one to drink, he isn't one to do any such things. But what does it matter anyway? His body… won't sustain any damage from it anymore. It's different. Everything is. Nothing was ever the same ever since his world started collapsing. Nothing was. So it didn't matter, whatever damage he does to his body didn't matter, it'll just heal it all anyway. Leaving not even scars on his skin, what a picture perfect body, devoid of scars. One would wonder if he ever went through such things, when there's nothing for him to show for it.
Alec glanced down, it was pretty high. This house, this balcony on the third floor. He gave up on that thought long ago though, it was the only constant he has left, his will to live, even after everything. Foolish, isn't it? To continue wanting to live even after all that, for what reason really? He doesn't know anymore, his memory isn't as good as it was before. So much so, that he's guilty of forgetting what his family looked like. Had he not been living in this world, he would've forgotten their names too.
Alec looked up again, to the pitch black sky, the stars brightly twinkling at him. Back in his world, he found solace in the night, in the stars above. He thought of them as his family watching over him, was it a myth he read back then? The souls of your loved ones becoming stars in the night sky. What of it now, however? In a world where everything is okay, is his family's souls still amongst the sea of stars, watching over him like they did before? What would they think of him now? Would they be happy? Glad? Relieved? Or would they be mad? Upset? Betrayed? To see Alec be happy with someone that's them yet aren't at the same time?
He doesn't want to think about it.
Just as Alec brought the cigarette to his lips to take another drag, the hand of another reached out to take it from his own, he didn't need to turn around to know who it belonged to. He knows it already, by heart.
“You okay?” Ray stood beside him, leaning on the railing as he threw the cigarette to the ground. Putting the fire out with his slippers.
“You're going to ruin that pair soon if you keep that up…”
“Well, that's fine. I forgot to grab the ashtray on the way.” Ray hummed, “You dodged my question again though.” His voice had a slight teasing tone, mouth formed into a small grin as he glanced at Alec.
“It's always the same answer, anyway.” I'm fine. That's the answer he always gives to that question, every single time. He knows it's a lie, they know it's a lie, but what else can he say when words aren't enough to convey whatever he's been feeling ever since then?
“I don't mind that. Maybe, once a lie is repeated enough times, it'd come true someday.” Ray chuckled, “Though that sounds a bit dangerous, now that I think about it.”
Silence fell between the both of them, it isn't heavy nor is it tense. It was comfortable, like the breeze of the night. Ray looked to the sky, and Alec… he looked to Ray's eyes. It was as dark as the night sky, reflecting the countless stars twinkling high above with a light all too familiar yet not at the same time. This is Ray, yet not his Ray. That is Ray, one who've turned into light, amongst the sea of many others, high above the sky, a bright twinkling star. In a way, he did become a ray of light, just not that of sunshine as he would always say.
Alec moved his eyes towards the sky once more, and the two stayed there, in the silence, below the night sky, underneath the stars, they bathed in the light of a hundred promises, a thousand wishes and a million hopes for a future gentler than their present.
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