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iamafictionfreak · 2 years

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Unspoken feelings and subtext heaven/hell - Kinn and Porsche (I love this show)

(I've credited the creators of any gifs I use for kinnporsche - if you'd prefer I didn't use your gifs, please let me know :))

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. Kinn, my love, baby… what the ever-loving fuck are you doing??!

This is probably what most of you were thinking – that is if you weren’t all raising your pitchforks at him. And I get it. I do. We’re all pissed at Kinn.

But I’m also not. At all. Fraught with tension though this episode was, it was also another massive eye opener.

The leads are a MESS guys, in completely different ways. But this episode revealed a boatload of feelings and shit, were allergic to feelings here, aren’t we? KINN?!

But also- PORSCHE. The empath. Who couldn’t even speak the words.

I was waiting for one of them to be like ‘so, we had sex last night. I think we should talk about it’. What we got?

Both of them. It was both of them. They both slept with each other, and they both couldn’t face it. You see, to face the sex and how obviously amazing it felt to them both, they’d have to talk and to talk means to admit that it actually happened, and they can’t yet because it means revealing feelings and boy is that a no-fly zone topic for them both.

Following the trajectory of Kinn’s behaviour so far, I didn’t see him making Porsche his priority yet anyway, which is why I was so nervous for Porsche.

Kinn has clearly been hurt in the past, or he's been involved in a tragedy, but I was taken aback on the realisation that maybe Kinn’s past hurt coincided with a sabotage of the main family? Did he unintentionally threaten the security of his own family? And why the hell does his father keep reminding him of that fact?

Here Kinn – here’s the most beautiful, problematic, capable empathic man you’ll ever meet in your life, now…. Don’t fall in love with him. Feelings are bad. Feelings make you go against my order of things. Don’t treat him differently from your other bodyguards despite me being a massive hypocrite and doing exactly that when we first employed him. Keep him close, but not too close. Don’t be soft with him but don’t let him get away either.

Can we block Korn?

Is this how Korn keeps his friends close and his enemies closer?

Is this referring to Porsche… or is Kinn, his child, the enemy? That's a field for any psychiatrist.

Initially, I thought that maybe Porsche’s parents were people who Korn had once known and loved. Now I’m wondering if they were people who he’d trusted and who either betrayed him or who he betrayed in turn. So, he’s keeping an eye on Porsche though his son? Or maybe it’s nothing at all like that.

The point is, Kinn’s father has Kinn trapped. On a leash that Korn tugs tight whenever he so much as sniffs out what he deems as weakness. Only it’s not weakness: it’s Korn fear.

What’s he so afraid of?

That Kinn will defect given the right motive?? Because if this goes exactly the way we all know it’s going to, Porsche’s love will make Kinn into the leader we all know he could be. You should read this amazing @yeetlegay chess analogy with Porsche being the kingmaker and Kinn being the King. And that’s definitely a threat to Korn. But this early on in the game? It’s not Korn’s fear yet, so what’s going on??

Either way, it ties to feelings of regret and shame in Kinn. A weakness he himself has tried with all his might to crush – whatever happened has led him to closing up shop on everyone. He trusts no one. Not even his brother’s, not completely. Though I think that’s more to do with protecting them from him than anything else.

There’s cruelty in Korn and I think that’s where Kinn has learned to be cold. Imagine being so hurt in the past that you deliberately chose never to love again, never to kiss your sexual partners and all that jazz. Then imagine your own father reminding you of your failure every single time you waver on this choice. Like an asshole.

Of course, Kinn wasn’t going to go all out with Porsche. He was going to do as daddy instructed - which daddy did without really instructing him anyway: Korn has Kinn where he wants him right now - because Kinn feels like he still has to make it up to the family.

At this point, Kinn’s bodyguards (and his hurt) are his shackles – that his dad already knows what happened between him and Porsche means that one of them reported to Korn. Unashamedly. They’d have no choice; Korn’s the Mafia head who rules with calm authority, which is more effective than any other kind of power play. He's built a dynasty that Kinn is learning to navigate. But it reinforces that Kinn has no privacy and no one he can truly trust.

So, why the hell would he trust Porsche? What, because he slept with him? Psh. Hah. NO.

Kinn’s slept with a lot of guys. Sex is a language to him at this point, it’s nothing.

But he’s affected by what happened with Porsche. BIG TIME.

Unfortunately for Kinn, he’s also emotionally constipated and terrified. Verbal communication is really bad for his health. So, he waits for cues from Porsche. Porsche, who get’s his cues from Kinn.

It’s a clusterfuck ready to happen.

If Kinn had stayed in the bed with Porsche on waking, Porsche would have felt welcomed. Instead, he’s gotten out of the bed, out of touching distance and turned his back on Porsche before EVEN speaking to him. They couldn’t even look at each other. The night before had been that intense, that exposing. So, Porsche wakes feeling abandoned on the shirttails of being drugged. It’s almost a dishonour.

As if he's done something wrong.

Kinn thinking he’s doing the right thing by Porsche, gives him air – it’s the last thing Porsche needs but Kinn isn’t allowing himself to emotionally connect with Porsche. Then, to please daddy and reassert his control on himself, Kinn allows Big and Ken to humiliate Porsche. Orders them to. Maybe he thinks he’s protecting Porsche, and, in a way, he is.

But Kinn, placing duty - his father’s honour and Kinn’s shame - first, is another dishonour on Kinn this time. He just doesn't see it.

Porsche, still affected by being wrecked through passionate sex and drugs and awakened feelings and abandonment, is heartbroken.

( gif by @ashinlae )

Kinn has no idea. And whilst it would be so easy to just throw vitriol at Kinn for this, I can’t because – again – they haven’t talked. Neither of them thinks that the other has feelings involved here. When they had sex, Porsche was all about teasing Kinn’s, he spoke exactly zilch about his own. Kinn thinks Porsche is upset about being drugged and about the sex – at this point, Kinn’s mostly sure Porsche is a comfortable Bi. He’s assuming a lot because he’s on unfamiliar ground.

So, he behaves as he usually would: boldfaced and open about his sexual exploits. Right in front of Porsche. In front of our SALADS.

And this is where they’re alike – Porsche and Kinn both choose fornication as a way to prove to themselves that they’re fine: that they’re in control, that nothing has changed, that nothing is wrong, that they aren’t compromised by feelings. Kinn even allows his escort to kiss him – I’m completely unaffected by Porsche OR by feelings. Here. Watch how unaffected I am. Of course, he’s unaffected by escort guy. He can kiss escort guy NOW because those kisses mean fuck all to Porsche’s kisses.

The combined flashbacks were- I can’t even describe the artistry of that scene. It was profound, agonising, beautiful and exactly what the audience needed. We all thought we’d have to see them both do this with other people because they needed the distraction, needed to pretend they aren’t affected.

But they both are – this thing that’s happening between them is stronger than they understand. So wrapped around their experience together, they can’t get passed it. How it made them feel…

( gifs by the incredible @moerusaiai )

They were wrapped up in each other. Totally gone in the moment. There’s always an awareness in them both, even when they’re getting laid. But here, they’re gone. Blissed out. High off the feeling of each other.

And then-

( image by @trilliastra )

Twice prior to this, Kinn was unable to get to completion so to speak, with his escorts. He’d then go looking for Porsche. First, after Porsche shot that Mes (??) guy. Second, when Porsche interrupted his alone time.

He’s starting to understand why he’s seeking Porsche out. And he doesn’t like it. It’s out of his control. So Kinn… waits up for Porsche. Wanting to clear the air, to solve whatever’s starting between them, like it’s a puzzle instead of feelings.

He'll never admit that he's yearning too.

And Porsche? When he can’t get it on with a woman, he does exactly what he KNOWS Kinn will hate – he goes on a sweet little bike ride with Vegas.

The fact that Kinn was snoozing with a gun should tell you just how much Kinn doesn’t trust – he’s surrounded by bodyguards, but he’s still armed. Mentioning Vegas made Kinn’s feelings spiral right the fuck down. Kinn doesn’t know who drugged Porsche. Still, Kinn’s alone. He feels alone again. Porsche chose to spend time with Vegas instead of return.

But, Porsche, sweetie honey sugar dumpling, you didn’t have to wake him up. You could have gone to bed. Porsche wanted this next confrontation. He’s a little more on solid ground after admitting to himself that what happened, happened and then with Vegas showing him some attention, he’s facing the route of the issue – because Vegas isn’t who he wants the soft comfort from.

And then we see – Kinn had no idea, not really, how much he’s hurt Porsche. I mean he knew, but he didn’t really understand it until Porsche makes him look at exactly how much of an ass he’s been.

Then, Porsche, done with the bullshit in the house, issues a challenge.

Shit, because that’s Kinn’s biggest trigger right now. To assert authority, only to be challenged on it? He reacts to that first, not to any feelings involved. So, he’s puts Porsche in his place. It’s fucking harsh. Kinn's still operating on a different frequency to Porsche. That and he’s promised himself not to love.

I wonder what would have happened if Porsche had directly told him that he couldn’t stop thinking about him. That their night meant something, and all Kinn has managed to do is reinforce how very little it meant to Kinn. That Porsche just needs a little time to get past that and the other issues it brought up.

I swear, Kinn wouldn’t have known which way was up… and then Kinn would have followed him to his room to do with him what he couldn’t do with the escort, telling Porsche in actions rather than words – again – that it means something. Porsche would have welcomed him, deserved or not. Why? Because Porsche works on actions too – that and he’s a freaking empath. He’s got to be, he works with what he’s given.

It explains the scene with Vegas.

Vegas, you manipulative son of a bitch. You’re so good at twisting feelings. Porsche feeling abandoned and unsafe is a prime target. So, in slips Vegas like the snake he is, with his helmet and his soft compassion and the bike ride – a bike that looks just like Porsche’s, you stalker – knowing the issues with Kinn, knowing he’s the one who stirred up a hornets nest and drugged Porsche.

I saw a lot of people blowing up about this – the music was romantic, the bike ride like something out of a teen romance, Vegas was so loving and genuine, oh no!

I… just felt pity.

It’s the scene where liars lie to themselves and to each other.

Vegas has convinced himself that this is real. That the feelings of affection he’s displaying for Porsche, are real. That he’s befriending Porsche because Porsche needs to be saved from kinn and Vegas is a good guy for giving a shit. For liking Porsche. I am the yin to Kinn’s yang Porsche, I’m the good one: transfer your growing feelings for him to me – I’ll take care of them.

Just watch him. Look at his face. As if he’s touch starved. And what does Porsche freely offer? Exactly what he’s given: affection.

They both took affection from each other and that’s why it’s a lie. Porsche won’t be able to get passed what happened, not truly, not until Kinn opens to him. He needs that.

Just like Vegas will never get what he truly wants from Porsche, despite how he may feel about him.

Porsche can’t love Vegas because Vegas can’t give him what he needs - Vegas is a fraud. But since Vegas is obsessed with taking or usurping or just flat out hurting Kinn, whether it’s personal or Kinn’s his focus because he hates the main family, any feelings he already has are rapidly growing from that obsession and becoming infatuation. It’s easy to convince yourself that obsession is love. It’s self-defence. But is love really love when you don’t have the best interests of the object of your affections at heart?

Nuh uh.

So yes, I just felt sorry for them both.

At least Kinn, as horrible as it is to state, has tried to protect Porsche for Porsche's sake... it's just that Kinn's way of doing that is warped by his upbringing. Great.

It shines a light on the drugging scene too. Kinn kissed Porsche, so Vegas marked him. Now that Porsche has slept with Kinn, Vegas can step right on in – seriously, someone check on Kinn’s ex’s and oh’s already! I bet he’s slept with each of them.

He makes my skin crawl, but you can still feel that this is genuine for Vegas and how fucked is that?

But back to Kinn.

The thing about trust? When feelings are involved, you don’t always get to choose who you trust. Kinn leaves Porsche standing there after letting himself be controlled by his own fears and leaves behind the gun.

There was so much sexual and emotional tension in this scene, but I’m not surprised that they didn’t grab at each other. This is being saved for later on – I can freaking feel it. They wanted to throw us off a bit, get us to worry. Like I said earlier, with Kinn’s behaviour so far, being so forward and full on with Porsche would have felt insufficient without words and gestures. For now.

We need Kinn to garner enough strength through his connection to Porsche to defy his father. Or at least, not obey him. To say no. To challenge him. To be openly all over Porsche and as you can see, it’s not happening yet.

Seriously, what the hell is Korn’s agenda? Kim certainly doesn’t trust his own father – that or he discovered something recently that’s making him investigate his father’s actions. Daddy dearest is making all the wrong calls – he’s motivated Kim in some elusive way, he told Porsche to go home and think (seriously, what the frig are you doing - Porsche did nothing wrong) and Kinn…

Well Kinn knows he fucked up now. Several times. With Porsche, not his father. Despite him being the biggest dick in any room during his prior scene with Porsche, he goes looking for him, again, to make things right. He just doesn’t have the capability to make it right. He’s never been shown. It’s been so long since he’s been emotionally invested in anyone that he’s coming up short.

But in searching for Porsche he’s doing exactly what his father told him (without really telling him) not to do. Hallelujah. He’s already breaking a rule and- I just need to be a little shit and get this in: told you Kinn would break first 😉 – and he leaves in search of Porsche…

…Is that what this father wanted him to do? Am I alone in thinking Korn knew what was going to happen? Did Korn make this happen for some hidden reason?

I’m sure he didn’t mean for Kinn to be handcuffed to Porsche and for them to go off alone in the wilderness. But the attack…?

Anyway, Kinn attempts an apology and butchers it. It’s necessary and he knows it – how long has it been since Kinn had to be human like this in the face of a man who’s the most human on the show? It’s not good enough, but it’s a good start. Porsche knows it too. The fact that Kinn can admit he’s shit at this is a nice clue, but Porsche is entirely too interesting for me in this episode.

The boy is DARK. Deep, dark, demoralised and digesting.

That discomforting sequence where Porsche allows himself to fall into that memory - in the bathroom - as almost ugly in Its depth as it is beautiful. We were there with him, feeling how deeply he’s been touched and scarred and… well, if you really allow yourself to feel it, Porsche had a very good time with Kinn that night and it’s eating him up. How much he felt and the absence of it, including the response from Kinn, is tearing at him. Jesus, his acting…

Away, AWAY thoughts, need to finish!

Closing ideas:

I’m beyond excited for episode 6, but just a moment: the scene with Porsche and Pete. We might get a parallel of this further down the line, except Pete will be the injured party and Porsche will be there to offer advice that’s genuinely helpful as opposed to Pete’s hit and miss (almost had a heart attack when I thought Pete told him he’d been through the same with Tankhoun of all people).

Vegas and Korn are definitely related. They're too good at manipulation.

Porsche has been through the emotional grinder from the start and with each episode it seems to get worse. Hopefully episode 6 won’t have him dealing with it alone.

That they didn't shy away from what happened was EVERYTHING - but they've also left some aside for later.

Anyone think Porshce’s going to let rip at Ken and Big soon? I know they were following orders but they haven’t liked him from the start and I don’t see it improving. They seem to take enjoyment in crushing him and- no. Not happy with that.

Porsche was on point in this episode – he saw a lot, as if tapping into feelings he wasn’t used to sharpened him and I’m just going to leave that right there.

Both of them avoiding bringing up the fantastic, world altering sex made me laugh. Idiots. But even in a perfect world, neither has professed to care for the other - romantically speaking - and neither seem to understand romance anyway. They don’t owe each other shit, save courtesy.

I mean, of course they're each other's already but they have to get there themselves. the whole point of this episode was to showcase that progression and to make it agonising. They didn't hold back and I'm so glad for that.

Part of Kinn’s journey in the show might be to circumvent not just his father’s oppression of him, but also the judgement and rules and divisions of the world around him; including the mafia way. To paraphrase and completely butcher something Ang Lee once said, it isn’t love and our preferences that kill us: it’s the expectations of a rigid society that can’t house us as individuals - that we have ironically created – that do so. It’s the most important, always, that we remain true to ourselves.

Eventually Kinn will defy his father. He’ll chose Porsche. But that’s a while off.

Still, this show is freaking raw. It hurt and it gave and it impacted like punches.

I should have added this from the start - the chemistry and tension between Kinn and Porsche in this episode was off the charts. That's rare.

The scene where Porsche is feeling absolutely everything and then some? If Kinn had been there, seeing that? You bet your ass he'd have responded with all the comfort because he'd finally grasp the depth of issue here.

#kinnporsche #I did it again #I have a headache #they hurt me #they really do #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche meta

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