we don't talk enough abt akutagawa's cough / lung disease (chronic&terminal) yet it has so much angst potential?? anywayy
after the current arc, atsushi knows akutagawa is actively dying and he's the only one who does bc akutagawa didn't tell anyone else abt it. (altho, in all honesty, the amount this man coughs should at least hint at it. i'm honestly amazed not more ppl in the story are concerned abt it)
so, the next mission they have together, akutagawa coughs and atsushi is now aware what it really means, so he wonders out loud with nonchalance masking his concern: "hey, so like, do you think yosano's ability would help with your cough and all? would it go away then?"
akutagawa, wiping his mouth, slightly annoyed: "how would i now? i'm not well-acquainted with your coworkers, weretiger, therefore it's none of my concern. and even then, i wouldn't trust any ada members with my issues, nor my life."
atsushi finds his words a bit sus bc 'u do trust me tho', but doesn't say it out loud and they leave it at that.
somehow, it becomes a regular thing. every time they have a mission together and atsushi hears his partner cough, he presents more ideas of how they could cure a terminal lung disease, and they vary in absurdity as he runs out of inspiration.
his ideas range from mere "have you tried going to a doctor?" (<- at which akutagawa stares in disbelief: "you either think i'm an idiot, or you are the idiot. which one is it?" and atsushi pouts bc 'ok yeah, fair... but also, rude') to insanities like "maybe witchcraft would help! i could look up witches in the area and see if black magic or something has any luck." (<- at which akutagawa is so done he doesn't even entertain the idea and just keeps walking)
they never follow through with any idea tho, bc akutagawa stubbornly refuses to waste time on trying to find a cure when his time on earth already is very limited.
it should also be noted that each time the cough gets worse; louder, rougher, more persistent and even bloody, which only makes atsushi more and more worried.
so one time, akutagawa's particularly annoyed by atsushi's insane and stupid ideas. he turns to him and point-blank asks: "why do even care so much whether i succumb to my illness or not? surely, my death should only leave you overjoyed to see the world be rid of one more evil."
that makes atsushi think bc 'why? why does he care whether akutagawa lives or dies? he's right, a bad person like a mafioso dying should be a good thing.'
after lengthy contemplation he comes to the conclusion that he simply cannot have his sworn enemy/rival/partner die from something as pathetic as a disease. someone as strong as akutagawa has to die in a more memorable way - not alone, in a bed, coughing, with nothing more to be remembered by. if anything he'd have to die fighting atsushi or something. yeah that's it. that's why. (<- it's not, but they're not quite there yet)
so atsushi tells him as much. akutagawa accepts it bc 'yeah, makes sense. what else could the reason be?'
the whole routine of coughing and brainstorming a solution in vain continues as the ideas get even more insane, the cough even worse and atsushi more concerned than ever.
the next time akutagawa is annoyed enough to pose the question again, atsushi is close to tears from anxiety as he holds up akutagawa who collapsed and can't seem to subdue his cough properly.
atsushi struggles to get out the water bottle and cough drops he'd started carrying around on their missions together. he's so scared bc he's never seen akutagawa look so sick and frail before (but not weak. never weak. akutagawa could never be weak in atsushi's eyes. it's impossible, bc akutagawa being strong is a simple, unchangeable fact, constant in any possible universe).
what would he do if akutagawa actually died there? in his arms? on a mission? which would probably get cancelled. would the pm think atsushi killed him? does he bring back the body or just bury it somewhere? pretend he got killed on the mission and not by his own body that had turned on him years ago and was in reality a long time coming? he couldn't even bear to think abt it.
"why tf do u care so much??" akutagawa yells with a scratchy voice before his cough continue despite his best efforts to stop.
atsushi can barely breathe anymore. "because i don't want you to die, you idiot! we're a team! you're my partner. who will i be left with if you go?" tears stream down his face, mainly from how overwhelming his anxiety feels. or maybe bc he really doesn't want his partner to die? nah, it's the anxiety. definitely the anxiety. (<- #denial)
akutagawa, at first embarrassed how his collapse derailed their mission bc goddammit he's supposed to be a professional and not let his issues interfere with his job, pauses when he sees atsushi crying... for him? because of him? ???
he's very confused bc he's pretty sure his rival/enemy/partner should not be so concerned abt his health and impending death, but something abt atsushi's expression and that whole situation makes him rethink his outlook on life.
that's when akutagawa starts taking his health more seriously and actively looks for possible, feasible ways to cure his disease, even if there's only a small chance it'll actually work. bc seeing atsushi like that made him realize there are a handful of people who care abt him and would mourn him if he died; more than just his sister and higuchi.
it made him realize his life had a bigger impact on others than he'd previously thought, not all of it bad.
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🐝 * ― 𝑪𝑨𝑹𝑹𝑫 𝑻𝑬𝑴𝑷𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑬 𝑼𝑷𝑫𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑺.
following my last post, i went through every single one of my templates to see which ones were having problems ( which were more than i initially thought ) and updated them all. the textbox itself might look a little more cluttered now, but i've tried to make it as readable as possible still. for those of you who want to fix the issue yourself ( in case i missed any or if it didn't update for you ) i'll leave a small guide down below on what you need to do. but first of, here's a list of all the templates i've updated:
EEYORE
LUMPY
SKULLASAURUS
KESSIE
OWL
SILLY OLD BEAR
HUNNY POT
BRAVER THAN YOU BELIEVE
STRONGER THAN YOU SEEM
SMARTER THAN YOU THINK
RUMBLY IN MY TUMBLY
BLUE BALLOON
NEW ADVENTURES
and as promised, here are the solutions for the most prominent problems i came across.
the first issue is the easier one of the two and it happens when styling a text as code and literally anything else. for me, the one i most commonly use is `**example**` and to fix that, you simply need to delete the asterisks, so instead of `**text**` you'll just have `text`. so whenever you have used the `` for code, just delete whatever other markdown formatting you've used.
the next issue is the spacing issue mentioned in the previous post. as i said, the easiest way to fix that is by including a simple dot and coloring it in whatever color is used in your highlight / background. one example of this would be ==[.]{#ababab} example text [.]{#ababab}== when doing it like this, you can even keep the bigger spaces - just make sure to place the dot right after the == in the beginning and right before the == at the end. and make sure to really change the color to whatever color you've used in your highlight / background, otherwise, it's probably gonna look weird.
another thing i noticed is that you cannot have any spacing following one of the symbols used for formatting. there needs to be some form of text so either use the dot method above again or, if you don't need the space, simply delete it.
if anyone notices i've missed anything, or has some further question, please feel free to ask! :)
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so... about Mahiru's birthday TL...
I don't understand why everyone is cheering, because to me it's clear that Futa is at least beginning to see medical treatment as inadequate, if not starting to reject it. I got the impression that he at least feels that medicine isn't enough. And that's horrible because that probably means he is getting more indoctrinated by Amane, not only that, but I'm getting the feeling he's developing a savior complex(? all over again. Just like when he thought that harassing people online made him some kind of hero, the only person capable enough of saving others. His weapon now is whatever ideals he's clinging to, to keep himself sane rather than doxxing and harassing, this time.
I'm happy about the 0306 interaction but if Futa gets indoctrinated it's not just him who's in danger of the cult's ways. It's Mahiru too, because he seems to be getting close to her. It's Haruka too because he seems worried about him and I think Futa is the most likely to save him from, you know. I used to think that Futa probably isn't believing what Amane is telling him 100% and while I still believe that, I still believe that Futa is developing his own ideals from a basis (a corrupt one...) I feel that the info he is being fed is enough to make him... not Futa. It's worrying.
I feel so bad for both him and Amane... the girl is feeling like shit herself because of the guilty verdict and yet she's trying to help Futa with the only thing she knows, her religion. And Futa is at his breaking point, extremely vulnerable, he was already not on super very good terms with any of the other prisoners before except Haruka, and now with Haruka's situation he probably feels that Amane is the only one whom he can cling to for any appreciation and reassurance. It's so heartbreaking and unfair for the both of them
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